Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rey rolled her eyes as she heard her mom bolt to the front door at the sound of the UPS truck rumbling outside. Amilyn always made an extra effort to answer when Serge delivered her packages like clockwork, almost to the point where Rey suspected she was just ordering random shit to have an excuse to see him. She’d step outside on the front porch to flirt with him in such an obvious way and then disappear for fifteen minutes.  

It was only when Rey saw the UPS truck a rockin’ one day, that she realized her mother had finally found a way to cope with her marriage to her terrible stepdad. She wondered if that meant it was finally going to end. 

Mom had married Unkar Plutt when Rey was six, when he was a rich Wall Street asshole who spoiled them rotten. Not that Rey ever cared, but it was a welcome change from mom working retail and living in a studio apartment when the child support from her long-gone father stopped rolling in.

Once the market crashed, however, he was shit out of luck and refused to get a regular blue-collar job that suited his limited skill set. For most of Rey’s middle and high school years he collected unemployment and did amateur trading while creating an Unkar-shaped dent in their couch, tossing beer cans on the floor for her mother to pick up and bitching about her mother’s cooking. 

Sometimes he would take pity on them and be nice for a day, but as the years went on and her Mom fucked more delivery guys, Rey wondered if the nice house and Instagram-worthy facade of a life was really worth it. For any of them.

Going away to college was a blessing, however, and she was able to work for a few years in Boston until her lab got shut down. After that, she tried her best to survive getting random hourly jobs, but as her college friends paired up and roommates became harder to find, she was forced to come back home to suburban Connecticut with her tail between her legs.

She’d been home all summer and the leaves were starting to turn, but with a lot of searching and a little bit of luck, she landed a new job starting in January at MIT. She only had to grin and bear it for a few months, and then finally, she would be able to go back to her favorite city. 

Her mom waltzed back in the house, patting down her perfectly blow-dried hair and straightening her half-zipped athleisure jacket. 

“Rey, sweetie, you wanna go shopping for your new job? You could stand to add some color to your wardrobe. Everything you own is gray.”

“Mom, I’m fine. I’ve got plenty of stuff to wear and my outfits are gonna be hidden under lab coats most of the time anyway.”

Her mom gave her a smile that didn't reach her eyes. “Fine. You got plans tonight? Your friends around?”

All of Rey's high school friends were living somewhere better or already in long-term relationships. Her best friend, Rose, lived nearby, but had married her high school sweetheart and already had two kids. When she felt lonely or Rose needed a babysitter, she would sit in Rose’s overstuffed living room in between piles of toys. Rey would let Rose’s daughter give her a “makeover,” but she wasn’t always interested in participating in the loud chaos of a young family. 

And dating was a bit weird in the suburbs. She also felt uncomfortable bringing guys back to her parent’s house and it didn't really feel safe enough to go to anyone else’s. 

It was okay. She could make do with a little loneliness for now.

Until her life started again. 

Besides, at twenty-seven, she was in no rush to settle down (okay maybe a little bit of a rush), but part of her wished she at least had a UPS guy to call her own. Someone to make her feel pretty and wanted for a few hours and then leave her be. 

College had yielded some clumsy hookups, and she’d come close a few times with dates here and there, but her virginity still remained solidly intact. 

“No, mom. All my high school friends are busy and my college friends are up in Boston, remember?”

Mom pursed her lips and shook her head. “It’s a shame you never got into gymnastics or dance. You’d have a lot more friends.”

Her mom was an all-American girly girl. The popular cheerleader type. Rey had not been anything like that, preferring wood and metal shop to the other more stereotypically feminine pursuits. Not that there was anything wrong with those of course, it just never appealed to her. 

She liked finding things, fixing them, and making them shine again. There was satisfaction in honest hard work with one’s own hands. Hope, even.

Changing the subject always helped. Mom loved talking about herself more than she loved giving Rey a hard time for simply existing outside of her narrow expectations. 

“What are you doing tonight, Mom?

“Book club with the girls.” She meant her old cheer squad from high school, still wine buddies after all these years. “You wanna come? Might be good for you to get out of the house, sweetheart.”

“Absolutely not,” Rey responded forcefully. “I’m fine, mom. I’m gonna work on the Falcon for Mr. Solo anyway.”

Rey reconnected with the family across the street when she’d been jogging one day and heard the man cursing a blue streak in his garage. 

Han was more than happy to push the rusted old hunk of junk into Rey’s garage and give her something to do for the summer and beyond. She got a bit misty-eyed at the thought of her relationship with the Falcon coming to a close soon. The fact that Han seemed to care how she was doing and gave her words of encouragement that she'd never gotten from a father figure didn't hurt either.

“I don’t know where this obsession with cars came from. Is he paying you at least?”

“I didn’t think to ask, actually.”

“Oh, Rey.” Her mom seemed to pity her. “I hope they pay you well at that lab. Don’t sell yourself short, honey.”

“I know, Mom. I negotiated, don’t worry.”

“That’s a good girl. I’m proud of you, sweetheart. I know I give you a hard time but it’s just because I want you to be happy.”

Rey smiled. Her mom could be overbearing, and even obnoxious at times, but she had a good heart. 

“I know. I want you to be happy too, mom.”

“I do alright, pumpkin,” she smiled wanly, her eyes glistening. “You’re on your own for dinner,” she added, starting to walk up the stairs. 

“Thanks, ma,” Rey called after her. 

With the afternoon stretching out before her, Rey decided to do some work on Han's old Falcon. Outfitted in her shittiest tank top and a pair of jeans turned jean shorts, she eagerly opened the garage and rolled underneath the chassis to get to work. 

After an hour or so, she was overheated and in need of water. Sliding out from underneath the car and sitting up to wipe her brow, she noticed a gaggle of rowdy teen boys walking up Mr. Solo’s driveway across the street. She’d remembered vaguely that he had a son—a goofy kid with big ears who used to kick balls into their yard. 

He wasn’t so goofy anymore. 

Ben. That was his name.

Ben was tall, with longish, wavy black hair. He’d also decided to forgo his shirt, wearing just a pair of loose basketball shorts slung low on his hips. He nonchalantly flipped his lacrosse stick around in his weirdly arousing, oversized hands. 

Without pausing his conversation, he looked over at her, causing waves of embarrassment to flow through her at being caught staring. 

She quickly stood up, sending her creeper flying under the car. That would definitely have to be retrieved later she decided as she reached up to pull the garage doors down and hide her shame. 

He laughed at her, and winked. Her glare was stony as the door lowered past her face. Once it was closed, she leaned back against it and sighed. 

The grumbling of her stomach saved her from the spiraling thoughts of humiliation at being caught checking out a high school kid and she trudged into the kitchen to find some food.

Unkar had taken to spending most evenings at the local American Legion and rarely ate dinner with them anyway, so it was another lonely dinner for one. 

Netflix and existential dread. 

After a perfunctory review of the cupboards, she decided on Annie’s Mac and Cheese and decided that it would be best served with an entire bottle of wine. 

Her shower was quick and she threw on a light sundress and a denim jacket, the air not quite crisp even though Autumn was two weeks away. 

Only three more months and she’d be back in Boston, working in a robotics lab. Predictable, controllable machines, who didn’t fucking wink . 

Fifteen minutes after leaving the house and finding no trace of the neighbor boy outside (not that she was looking or anything) she was at the liquor store contemplating which wine paired best with white cheddar shells¹. 

“I hear that was a very good year,” a deep voice rasped behind her. 

She turned around, nearly dropping the bottle of chardonnay in her hand. 

“Ben?” No sooner had his name escaped her lips that a satisfied smirk began spreading across his face. 

“Neighbor lady,” he responded, like a dick. 

“It’s Rey.”

“Hi Neighbor Rey. Can you buy me some beer? You’re old right?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“There’s a party tonight.” He shook his head to reposition a loose strand of hair that had fallen in his eye. It was unfairly hot of him to do. “You can come if you want, you know if you buy me booze.”

“I think I’m a little old for high school parties.” 

“I can think of some ways to make it entertaining for you,” he grinned, waggling his eyebrows so that she had to learn that he had a cute little mole over the left one. 

The little bastard. 

Most high school boys looked like childish string beans. But this specimen was tall enough that she had to crane her neck to look up at his face. And he was wide , like an upside down triangle, with huge shoulders and a narrow waist that she could not help but follow the line of down to his-

“Solo, we got the goods, let’s go ,” a lanky red-haired boy who shared his towering height called out to him. Why were they all so tall now? Was it pesticides in the food or something? 

“Maybe next time,” he smiled and his gaze lingered, trailing down her body as he slowly turned away from her. 

Heat creeped up her neck and radiated between her thighs. What was happening?

The redhead leaned over and scoffed, “Who’s the hot older chick?” 

Ben simply pushed him in the shoulder with his own like they were two lion cubs play-fighting. “Fuck off, Hux.”

She stared after them longer than any adult woman reasonably should have. Things were getting out of hand. Maybe it was finally time for her to get on one of those hookup apps or something. 

She grabbed an extra bottle of wine for good measure.

++++

That night, halfway through her bottle of chardonnay and finished with her mac and cheese, she still struggled to find a good show to watch. After a few months of living with her parents and doing random local jobs for cash, her attention span was nil. At her mother’s behest she’d decided to take a sabbatical before she returned to Boston and back to higher brain functioning. Unkar had been doing better with his trades and Mom had been squirreling away her own cash for years. It was nice, actually, just to turn her brain off and do some soothing-like work on Mr. Solo’s old classic instead of having to worry about making ends meet. 

Stretching her arms over her head, she decided to bring the rest of her bottle up to her room and get ready for bed. She put some lo-fi hip hop on her Spotify and pondered some adult entertainment to help her unwind.

Seeing Ben shirtless earlier along with his obvious flirting had gotten her into quite a mood. She could also use her time to put some effort into building a dating profile, but the thought of going on dates made her nauseous. And as a virgin, however tempting, she didn't want to just sleep with anyone. 

Her mind drifted to Ben and his big boy muscles and his deep voice. 

She couldn’t. 

No.  

Absolutely not.

Maybe she’d meet someone at the lab. They’d make some groundbreaking discoveries together and win a Nobel prize before traveling the world.

It could happen. 

In the meantime, she had a nice, small yet powerful vibrator and all the privacy she could possibly desire. 

For some reason, she gravitated to her window. Of course, it had nothing to do with wanting to maybe catch a glimpse of Ben stumbling home from his little party. 

Did he have a girlfriend? Was he a virgin? Was he hopefully eighteen and therefore she wasn’t an absolute monster for finding him a little bit sexy?

Okay, a lot sexy. 

She shouldn’t even be thinking about him that way. She was nine years older than him and had a real, functioning adult with a job in the city and a master's degree under her belt.

Why on earth would she ever fantasize about some dumb high school jock who probably didn’t know what a clit was, let alone where it was located?

She nearly choked on her wine when she saw said dumb jock standing in his own window, located conveniently across from hers. She lowered her wine glass, realizing he could probably see her too. With feigned calm, she reached for the curtain to close it.

Only this time, she couldn’t look away. He stood there, shirtless once again, as if he had some kind of shirt allergy, this kid. 

That smile. 

It spread so widely across his face so she could learn that his dimples were like works of art and she was frozen in place, one hand gripping her wine glass and the other fisted in the fabric of the curtain. 

His hair was wet and loose, curled against the nape of his neck, and he wore a thin silver chain that glinted in the low light of his bedroom. His grey sweatpants were slung so low she could almost make out the beginnings of a dark thatch at the end of his happy trail. 

He was built like a Greek god, all pecs and abs and ornate neck and shoulder structure. 

Collarbones like the buttresses of a damned cathedral. 

She was so distracted by the elegant architecture of his upper body, she failed to notice the fact that his hand had already slipped past his waistband into his sweatpants. 

And that hand was now moving furiously. 

Taking another sip of wine, she was unable to tear her eyes away.  

Was he actually?

Suddenly her face was moving closer to the window, until her breath fogged it up and blocked her view. 

“Shit,” she sputtered, wiping frantically at the windowpane.

Across the street, Ben appeared to be chuckling heartily at her pathetic display. 

She downed the rest of her wine and set the glass on her desk without looking and continued observing him.

His cock was out now, the head sliding in and out of his fist. He had one hand braced on the window now and his lips slowly parted, chest heaving with his breaths. 

It had to be the alcohol keeping her glued to the scene and from her better judgment. Right? She should walk away. 

She should not be watching some high school boy jerk off in his goddamn window. Anyone could see both of them. What would their parents say? The neighbors?

To her relief and chagrin, he stepped away from the window. It was over. 

But before she could close the curtains, he rematerialized again, this time with a piece of white paper held to the glass with one hand as he resumed jerking himself off with the other. 

She scoffed, incredulous yet also still weirdly turned on. She would not be showing him her boobs for God’s sake. He seemed incredibly encouraged by her dirty look, however, and his cum painting the window was the last thing she saw as she finally found the strength to whip the curtains shut. 

Little shit. 

If she came harder than she had in her life that night, it was nobody’s business but hers. 

Chapter Text

Rey had slept better than she had in ages, thanks to the toe-curling climax she’d had before promptly passing out. It had to have been the wine, making her more relaxed—and surely not the teenage boy putting on the performance of his life in his bedroom window. 

She was closer to thirty than twenty. 

He was just a high school boy. 

A baby.

With the body of a god .

What if?  

She was going to Boston in three months and she’d probably never come back here again. 

He wanted her, or at least wanted to know what her boobs looked like. 

She slammed her hand down on the mattress. 

No.

That same hand found her vibrator yet again and her mind conjured up a different reality in which she had shown him her boobs, the neighbors be damned. He would have run over to her house, climbed up the trellis into her window and fucked her brains out. 

She bet he fucked hard and fast, and she’d have to get him to go down on her first if she wanted to come at all. He looked strong enough to lift her up and fuck her while standing. 

He could fuck her against the wall or maybe even upside down, if she wanted. 

It wasn’t long before she came again, and then once more for good measure. 

It was just a fantasy. 

There was no reality in which she would actually fuck an eighteen year old.

She laughed, and imagined herself donning a clown wig and big, oversized shoes. Then she opened Tinder and prayed there was someone more age-appropriate. 

And she wouldn't mind if they looked like him. 

++++

After a leisurely morning in bed swiping left on every single man within a fifteen mile radius and eventually giving up, she decided to go for a jog and then finish up on the Falcon. She needed to sever any ties to young Ben and not have a reason to go over there and talk to his father ever again.

The holidays would be coming up soon, and time would fly, and then she’d be out of here and far away from her little exhibitionist Lolito. 

She alternated between laughing at herself for indulging thoughts of giving in to his advances and wanting to cry that he was her only romantic prospect. 

The only thing they probably had in common was their lack of sexual experience, unless he was a high school manwhore. 

But he wasn’t shy, and he wasn’t being coy. And she’d already seen his dick.

His big, thick, uncut dick. 

Willing herself to think of literally anything else, she donned a tight workout tank top and leggings and laced up her sneakers. Airpods in, she took off out the front door without so much as a passing glance at the Solo house. 

He should still be in school, for now at least, and not hanging around to torture her with his seductive nonsense.  

It felt good to jog and feel the air filling her lungs as her sneakers pounded the pavement. She nodded as she passed her neighbors and smiled at the kids running through piles of leaves and playing tag in front yards. It was peaceful, and she enjoyed living here, even if it lacked the excitement of the city.

And dateable men.

Men. Not boys.

When she rounded the corner and was nearing her house, she caught sight of her old treehouse through the back fence. It was still standing strong in her backyard after all these years. 

Feeling nostalgic, she climbed the old boards nailed to the tree trunk and hoisted herself up onto the aging yet still stable structure. It was a flat platform of two by fours with a simple shingled roof and with little windows cut into sides to let the sunshine in. 

This is where she came to cry when she missed her dad, and to escape when Unkar had had too much to drink and too much to say. 

For a little girl who had to grow up far too fast, it was a beautiful place to escape to and be alone. 

To not worry about anyone else but herself.

It had been built by the previous owners. Their kids were all grown up by the time she moved in, but luckily they’d kept it maintained all those years. She liked to think it had magic powers, and would pretend to be a princess who just wanted to get out of her tower and go live her own adventures out in the world.

And she had escaped, for a while.

The tears came quickly when she realized that those adventures had ended so abruptly and she was back where she started. She hugged her knees and let herself have a little pity cry.

Things would get better. She’d do it right this time. 

She was leaving, and she was never coming back. 

++++

She had forgotten that school ended in the early afternoon and sure enough, there was that shirtless asshole strolling up the street again with his buddies. Probably to go terrorize his household with loud video games and Monster energy drinks and Doritos. 

“Go ahead, I’ll catch up with you guys. Make me a Hot Pocket, bitch.”

“Yeah, okay, I see you, Solo,” his friend snickered. 

“Fuck off, Armitage,” Ben sneered. 

Rey refused to emerge from beneath the old Falcon and craned her neck downwards to watch as Ben sauntered across the street towards her garage. Her heart pounded in her chest as she busied herself with tightening bolts that were already plenty tight. 

Just like her skin. Too tight. There also wasn't enough air. 

“Neighbor Rey, whatcha doin?”

“Fixing your dad’s car, what do you think?” she retorted, with a bit more sass than she’d intended. 

If she couldn’t expend her too old to be horny for him energy, she had to channel it into mildly annoyed adult energy instead. 

“This piece of shit? " Ben asked incredulously. "Good luck. He tried to use it to bond with me but I’m not really a car guy.”

What Rey would have given to have a dad who wanted to work on cars with her. And was he really here talking this bullshit after what he did last night?

Was he just going to pretend like he didn’t splatter his window with cum while she watched?

She rolled out from underneath the car and found herself laying directly beneath him. Not an angle she needed to see today, him towering over her like this, all shirtless and sweaty, his shorts hanging low. 

Focus. Focus.

She sat up and did her best to dismount her creeper without sending it flying like last time. 

She stood up and wiped her hands on her shorts.

He smiled at her in a way that was unsettling, like he knew she  had not only seen his dick, but that she wanted to suck it.

Badly.

“Good thing I’m a car guy,” she deadpanned. 

He smiled in a disarming way, huffing a laugh at her attempt at humor. Then suddenly, his smile dropped and his eyes narrowed as if he was trying to focus. And then he swiped his thumb across her cheekbone. 

“You have a little something-”

She reached up and swatted his hand away. “Don’t, it’ll stain your clothes.”

“Suit yourself,” he replied, twirling his lacrosse stick in his hands. “So, uh, you busy later?”

No. No, he was not asking her on a date.

“Um, I don’t think that’s any of your business.” 

He pressed his lips together and leaned forward. “What if I want it to be my business?”

For once, she was speechless. 

When had he gotten so close to her? She could feel his body heat, smell his deodorant. It would be so easy to just kiss him. 

“I don’t-I-”

He laughed heartily. “You’re cute, Neighbor Rey. Come over to my house for dinner tonight. I saw you eating alone through your living room window.”

Now wait a goddamn minute.

“You-you were spying on me?” 

“I wasn’t the only one spying now was I?” he winked. 

She blushed from cheeks to chest and had to look away from his piercing gaze. “I couldn’t exactly look away from your little show.” 

When she peered back up at him the cheeky grin was replaced with a smoldering stare as he lowered his voice. 

“I’ll put on a show for you anytime you want, sweetheart.”

Her pussy throbbed involuntarily and her nipples hardened in spite of herself.

No.

“What makes you think I could possibly want to see that again?” she countered, though even she could hear her own lack of conviction.

Because she did. She did want to see it again. Right now. 

“Don’t you?”

“I-”

He smirked and backed away slowly towards the driveway and out of the garage. 

“Dinner’s at six.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her hip. “Ben, I'm not coming.”

He cocked an eyebrow and smirked. “Not yet.”

“Ben!”

He chuckled. “But no, seriously," he continued as he continued backing down the driveway, flipping that fucking lacrosse stick. She wanted to smack him with it. "My mom’s making pot roast. She said you should come as a thank you for the car,” he added, saying it loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. And then lower, hardly able to stop himself from laughing: “Wear something slutty.”

It took all her power to keep herself from grinning and she looked away so he couldn't see the effect those words had on her.

Pot roast sounded really fucking good.

Damn it. 

“Fine!" she called out.

"You won't regret it, Neighbor Rey!"

"Goodbye Ben!" she yelled. "Go do your homework!"

He laughed loudly and ran up his own driveway. He let the screen door slam behind him, taking her dignity with it.

Because she was already on her way to her room to pick out something to wear.

Something slutty.

Chapter Text

Rey arrived at six o’clock on the dot with the extra bottle of wine she’d gotten for herself the day before. 

After tearing through her closet like a Disney princess on her way to the ball, she decided on a strappy sundress that fell just above the knee. It was hunter green with little white daisies on it, with a sweetheart neckline accented with small green buttons. Since it was chilly, she threw on a soft and cozy oatmeal-colored cardigan that at least covered her ass. She was going to be eating a meal with his parents after all.  

But she couldn’t get his voice out of her head. Wear something slutty. He was getting bolder, and the deepest part of her mind wanted to encourage it, while her slightly more mature, responsible adult superego told her to cease and desist. 

She tried to convince herself that she had absolutely earned a delicious home-cooked meal with a functioning nuclear family and it had nothing to do with Ben and his giant penis and stupid cocky smirk. Not even his weirdly huge for his age, often-bare pecs. 

She was also a bloody liar. 

As a compromise, she pulled out her lucky pair of black lace panties, the ones she reserved for first dates, even though they never resulted in her actually having sex. She slipped off her regular cotton briefs and slid on the silky black pair. 

She already felt ten times sexier, but she would defnitely not be having sex tonight. 

Absolutely not.

By the time she rang the Solo’s doorbell, she was fortified in her conviction that this was simply a nice meal with her neighbors and nothing more. She braced herself to see Ben again. 

Stay strong.

“Rey, look at you all grown up. You look beautiful!” Leia gushed the second she opened the door and hugged Rey who stood stock-still, unaccustomed to such effusive displays of affection and also straining to not drop the wine bottle.

“Hi, Mrs. Solo. Thank you. It’s good to see you too! How was Sweden? Han mentioned you’ve been away on a diplomatic mission.”

“Oh it was wonderful dear. Very productive. But you know, it’s always good to be back home with my boys.”

When she stepped inside, Han was yelling at some sort of sports game on the television but paused to greet her and kiss her cheek. 

“How are you doing, princess? And how’s my baby?”

Rey smiled, her heart twinging ever so slightly at the term of endearment he’d bestowed upon her (princess of course—the Falcon was his baby). For a moment she allowed herself to pretend he was her Dad, before she dove right back into cold, hard reality. 

“We’re both doing quite well, Mr. Solo.” 

“Dinner’s almost ready, Rey. Can I get you something to drink?” Leia offered as she walked towards the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. 

“Oh, here, this is for you all.” Rey proffered the bottle which Leia happily accepted. “You don’t have to open it. I’m fine with water.” 

“Nonsense,” Leia replied emphatically. “Han, where’s the corkscrew? Let’s get this party started.”

Rey giggled and snorted, almost forgetting about the boy until he appeared in the basement doorway in the kitchen. A doorway he filled to capacity with his hulking form. 

At least he had a shirt on for once.

“Hey,” he greeted her nonchalantly, giving her obvious elevator eyes. “You look nice.”

“Atta boy,” Han grinned “Always compliment a lady!” He patted his son on the back. “Now show Rey to the table. I’ll be in after this play,” he said distractedly before sitting back down and yelling at the tiny referee on the big screen. 

“Hi, Ben,” Rey spoke curtly. Purely businesslike. Nothing to see here.

She followed him into the dining room and he held out a chair for her to sit in. She was surprised by his chivalry. She'd expected him to show up in his gym clothes and immediately belch or something, but he was being super sweet and polite. He’d dressed in a nice black button-down shirt and dark jeans along with a pair of spotless black and white Air Jordans. They had to be a size fourteen, they were so huge. 

It couldn’t be further from a date, so why were her cheeks so flushed and why was her heartbeat so loud in her ears? Once he helped her push her chair in, he promptly took the one next to her, much to her chagrin. 

Before she could protest as to the seating arrangement, Leia entered the dining room with two wine glasses and plunked one down in front of Rey. 

“This is a nice wine, honey. Thank you,” Leia said, taking a sip of her own as she took her seat at the head of the table. “So, tell me. What do you do besides fix hopeless cars?”

Rey sat up straighter, eager to get some wine in her system and also do anything but focus on Ben looming next to her like a seductive adolescent terror.

“I’m a robotics engineer. I’m heading back to Boston in January to start my new job at a lab in MIT. It just opened, so it’s super exciting.”

“Oh, well now that is interesting,” Leia leaned forward on her elbows and took another sip of her drink. She peered over at Ben with a sly look. “Benny, you should do something cool like that.” She reverted her attention back to Rey, ignoring her son’s groan. “He’s very talented in the STEM subjects. Won a blue ribbon at the science fair last week.”

“Mom, please,” Ben implored, his voice pained. “Rey doesn’t care about corny high school stuff like that.”

Rey turned her body towards him, pleased to have their power dynamic shift a bit more in her favor. “Oh, I care deeply, Benny,” she grinned mischievously. “Tell me about your little science fair project.”

Ben reluctantly shared his thesis about why artificial intelligence systems create their own languages when they speak to each other directly—and Rey actually found it really fascinating.  They spoke about it for so long that she barely registered the pot roast materializing in front of her until the smell drove her wild and made her mouth water. That is, water even more. 

Talking to Ben and staring in his eyes as he spoke passionately about AI only made him seem more mature and interesting, the exact opposite of what she’d expected from a high school jock. 

So he was attractive, and a little cocky (and kind of an ass), but he was actually quite intelligent and creative?

Maybe the wine was a bad idea after all. 

The food was marvelous, and it seemed silly to think of it, but she could tell it was cooked with love. 

Leia and Han ribbed each other and exchanged not so subtle winks throughout the meal. Rey nearly choked when she looked towards the kitchen and saw Han pinch Leia’s ass as they started doing dishes together. 

They seemed really happy compared to her own parents. It was nice to see for once. A love like theirs.

“Go show her your video games or something, we’ll take care of this mess,” Leia insisted as Ben and Rey stood awkwardly on the kitchen threshold with their dessert plates. 

“Oh no, Mrs. Solo, I should get going. Dinner was really lovely. Thank you so much for inviting me.”

Leia appeared slightly confused but then course corrected as she took the dirty plate and fork out of Rey’s hands. “Of course dear, it’s the least we can do to help my hapless husband here. But really, stay as long as you want.”

“Yeah, Rey, can you talk to me about your job? Maybe what internships I should look into?” Ben asked nonchalantly and with relatively convincing sincerity.

“Um, sure,” she relented, not really wishing for the magical evening to end, even if it meant career coaching the questionable object of her lust while his parents had all the fun upstairs.

He led the way to their basement rec room, where there was a huge sectional couch, a wide screen TV, and a pool table. 

“Have a seat,” he held out his hand to gesture towards the large couch as he grabbed the remote and switched the TV on, the large Netflix N animating across the screen. 

Was he trying to Netflix and-

“What are you uh, watching lately?” she asked, all casual-like. She genuinely was struggling with choosing a show and he might actually be up on what was good these days.

“Oh, you know. I always try to find something new but then I just end up watching The Office again.”

She sat up straight, her cheeks straining with the unexpected smile. “Oh my god, me too!” 

His own grin widened as he relaxed into the couch cushions next to her. “Nice. Michael Scott it is.”

The familiar strains of the theme song echoed through the surround sound speakers as she leaned back as well, surprised at how comfortable she felt. Maybe this could be nice, just to have a friend. 

He had sat awfully close to her, though and she couldn’t help but feel on high alert in spite of her best intentions. Within a few minutes, after hearing his deep-throated chuckle and catching glimpses at his dimples up close, her blood was throbbing in her veins at every juncture. When he looked over at her and his lips parted slightly, she couldn’t help but instinctively press her thighs together. She soon felt pulled as taut as a bowstring, like she could snap at any moment and send her whole life flying in any direction. 

When his hand brushed against hers on the couch cushion, it felt like it might be unintentional, until his pinky moved, grazing hers ever so softly, sending chills through her body. 

They both kept their eyes fixed on the screen as Jim played yet another prank on Dwight. 

Ben grew bolder, sliding his hand atop hers. 

“I like your dress,” he commented, his voice low, and soft. 

“Thank you,” she squeaked out as his hand slid past hers and met her the side of her thigh, the backs of his fingers stroking up and down through the hunter green fabric, tracing the little daisies. 

She shifted in her seat and cleared her throat before looking over at him. He was serene as can be, watching her like she fascinated him, like he knew the power he held over her. But there was something else there she noticed as she looked into his eyes: a little bit of trepidation on his part, like she was a frightened fawn that might bolt at any second and disappear into the forest if he wasn’t careful enough. 

Now was her chance to stop this before it went too far. But instead of bolting, however, her virgin ass stayed frozen, a larger part of her aching to see how bold he would truly get. If she just let it happen-

Eyes locked on hers, he turned his hand over so the warmth of his palm met her thigh, sliding up and over until his hand brushed down to her bare knee. She let out a quiet gasp and held his gaze as his fingertips skimmed the edge of her hem and lifted it slightly. 

His mouth was open in concentration but hers was pressed shut, her eyes wide as she regarded him. She was unable to look down, for fear of what it might do to both of them if she acknowledged his touch with even a single glance. 

For now, they were just looking into each other's eyes as he slid her dress up her thigh, slowly exposing her skin, the fabric and his hand creating a wave of goosebumps in their wake. 

She closed her eyes and clung to a throw pillow with one hand and made a fist against the couch cushion with the other. It felt too amazing for her to bring it to an end. So she didn't.

He leaned over and gently touched the side of her face with his right hand, brushing his thumb across her cheekbone like he had done earlier that day. Except now there was no engine grease to speak of (she hoped). 

“Do I have something on my face?” The huskiness of her own voice surprised her, but then again, she shouldn’t be shocked that he had brought her exactly to where she wanted to be, despite her best intentions.

“No, but I could think of something I’d like to put on it,” he teased, and it took her a moment to register what he meant.

She giggled, the joke serving as a much needed release valve for the overwhelming tension that had coiled within her. 

Horny little shit.

But she was not better than him. She’d gladly let him paint her face with his cum, hell, he could do whatever he wanted to her right now.  

And then he was kissing that relieved smile right off of her face. Soft, plush, pouty lips. So warm and wet. And his tongue was in her mouth now and it was long and slippery and felt perfect against hers. She hadn’t expected him to be so good at this. 

He kept surprising her.

In an instant she was straddling his lap, and his oversized hands must be responsible, she mused. She hadn’t really pounced on him so desperately, had she? Those hands were on her waist now, pulling her down onto his rapidly hardening bulge, and then he was grabbing fistfuls of fabric to lift her dress up over her hips.

She didn’t want to stop him. Not now. Not ever.

When he’d gotten his fill of her mouth, he trailed those gorgeous lips down the column of her neck and licked each of her earlobes one by one. She let him, throwing her head back and surrendering, sliding her fingers up his neck and threading them through his hair. 

He reached up to tentatively grab hold of one breast, and she helped him along, placing her hand over his and showing him it was okay to squeeze and knead until he rolled his thumb across her nipple, taut and hardened beneath the thin fabric of her dress. 

Her cardigan slipped off of one shoulder and replaced it with a tender kiss. The strap of her dress followed, so that he could easily pull at her neckline and expose a soft pink bud to take it in his mouth.

She got lost in it, nearly forgetting she was making out with a teenager whose parents had just fed her pot roast.

“Wait,” she grabbed a fistful of his hair again and pulled his head away from her breast. Her nipple was slick and shiny with his saliva and her pussy throbbed despite the logic fighting for dominance in her lust-addled brain. His cheeks were flushed and he looked up at her like she’d interrupted him from something terribly important. She had never felt so tested in her life.

“We can’t do this, Ben.”

“Nei-Rey. We already are. Please. Just let it happen.”

He looked like no girl had ever told him no in his life. Did she really want to be the first to disappoint him? Was she really supposed to look into those big brown eyes and say no? He'd even caught himself calling her Neighbor Rey. 

No.

“I shouldn't be here. I’m too old for you. Your parents-”

“Shh, shh, shh. He pressed a finger to her lips. “They’re fine. They never come down here and they would never believe a single bad thing about you. Trust me.”

Oh, poor Leia and Han. They had no idea. She was supposed to be talking to him about college and science fair stuff. She felt terrible.

She shook her head incredulously. “What if they catch us? I’ll be so humiliated.”

His brow furrowed as if he couldn't fathom any scenario in which she was anything but incredibly proud to be caught canoodling with him, even by his own parents. Han would probably high five him. He curled his fingers around the back of her neck and stroked the base of her skull in a way that made her want to melt into a puddle and surrender for good.

“We won’t. Rey. Please.” His eyes implored her and his lower lip pouted slightly. God, she wanted to suck on it so badly. 

“Is the door locked at least?” she asked, already well on her way to signing the deed to her new property in Hell.

She’d heard it was nice this time of year.

He chuckled low and deep with a gotcha smile. “This isn’t my first rodeo, sweetheart.”

Oh no. He's not a virgin! Deflect!

“Wait, you’ve had sex?” 

Way to be obvious, Niima. 

“Like, down here, before?” she attempted to recover.

He blanched, his eyes widening as if he’d been caught doing something wrong. 

Was he also a-

“I’ve had girls down here," he responded a little too quickly, without confirming or denying the state of his virtue. "Trust me, my parents don’t care. I really doubt they suspect we're up to anything anyway. You’re kinda-” He pursed his lips as if holding back something that might offend her. 

“Old?” She laughed. “It’s true. I’m way too old for you.”

“You’re perfect,” he smiled, his expression a bit loopy. Like he was as drunk on what they were doing as she was tipsy on her one and a half glasses of wine. But she was still sober enough to know better.

“This is not my finest moment,” she admitted, already feeling reassured. 

“Then let’s make the most of it huh?” he grinned, flexing his hips up so his erection pressed into her core. Only two thin layers of fabric separated them and it was torture.

But she couldn’t lose her virginity in his parent’s basement. She had to keep some of her dignity intact right?

Before she could extricate herself from his lap, he was tossing her onto her back on the couch. 

“Let me make you feel good,” he insisted, his eyes darkened with lust. He wasn’t asking. 

No sense in turning back now when his rough lacrosse-player fingertips were coasting up her inner thigh, pressing her legs apart. 

"Okay," she acquiesced, her brain finally catching up to her body. Resistance was futile. 

“You wear these for me?” he grinned, marveling at the black lace before pulling the gusset of her panties to the side. 

She bit her lip and nodded, too mesmerized and overtaken with desire to form words. 

His eyes lit up. “Fuck, you wax? That's fucking hot.”

She liked things to be smooth. It wasn’t for him. Or any man. But if the pussy fits...

Holding his four fingers in a tight row he smoothed them over her vulva, rubbing the whole surface in an exploratory way. She still prepared herself for fumbling teenage inexperience; to take matters into her own hands, as long as his dick did the rest. 

No. No sex. Just...whatever this was. 

He kept exploring and it felt good actually. He wasn’t fumbling. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing. 

He massaged her gently and then turned his focus to her clit, kneading with increasingly more pressure as she opened her mouth and her breaths grew heavier. 

She was soaked, she was sure of it, but he was taking his time mapping her with his hand, watching her reactions. 

“So soft and pretty,” he praised, pinching her clit between the knuckles of his index and middle fingers until she gasped.  “You like that?”

She was fascinated by his studiousness. “Mmhmm,” she whimpered, melting back into the couch cushions. 

He was experimenting now, dragging his middle finger through her folds, parting her lips and releasing the arousal trapped within. The air filled with slick sounds as he added his ring finger and tested gently at her entrance with both fingertips.

“Can I?” he asked as if he already knew the answer, circling her hole with precise movements seemingly designed to generate an excess of need.

“Yes,” she rasped, acknowledging that she was clutching the fabric of his shirt with one hand and holding on to the couch cushion for dear life with the other. Her legs were spread wide open, one buried between him and the back of the couch and the other splayed out with her foot braced on the cushion. She felt so exposed and the threat of being caught only made her more turned on as he continued discovering what made her whimper, what made her facial features melt with pleasure.

He dipped his fingertips in slowly at first, pulling them out and pushing them back in, going deeper on each return. Soon, he was pressing on her front wall, making her squirm and almost cry out, and adding his thumb to her clit only made it more intense. She covered her mouth with the hand that had been previously clinging white-knuckled to the couch cushion and closed her eyes. 

Suddenly, he started rapidly shaking his hand, pulverizing her g-spot in a way that made her thighs shake and her back arch. Did he study porn in between homework and lacrosse practice? She muffled a squeal into the crook of her elbow and squeezed her eyes shut. 

“That’s it. Come on,” he urged her. 

His fingers shook lightning fast, hitting her back and front walls, overwhelming her with pleasure, and before she knew it she was coming hard. Harder than she had with her vibrator. Harder than she’d ever come with another person in her entire life. 

“Fuck,” she groaned with a strained voice, stretching out the word, clinging to his shoulders with both hands and pulling him close as he pulled his fingers out and softly rubbed her clit with four of them just like he’d started. It prolonged the throbbing pleasure that pulsated within and made her feel weightless, like gravity no longer existed and she was made of pure molecules of light and air. 

Before she could recover, he lowered himself between her legs and dipped his freakishly long tongue into her hole and fucked her with it before widening it and licking a path up and over her clit. Frantic circles of his tongue preceded deep sucks that made her nearly levitate off of the couch. Fisting his thick, soft hair, she started to shake again, wondering if it was possible for the human body to generate so much pleasure, or if this was actually a dream, and she couldn’t actually be this lucky if she tried.

He grunted against her soaking wet skin in between long licks and deep sucks, changing up his movements until he found something that made her moan again. Then he was all in, increasing his speed and pressure until she was careening over the edge once more. 

As she laid there limply, she watched in awe as he pulled out his dick, excited to finally see it up close. It was red and throbbing, he worked his thick foreskin up and down his shaft as precum glistened at the tip, threatening to drip onto her pussy at any moment. 

It was magnificent.

Not just a dick, a cock. 

As he worked himself, he reached up and clutched her still-exposed breast, alternating between releasing it and squeezing it. He bit his lip when he watched it drop and jiggle. 

“I like your tits,” he declared, pulling the other side of her dress down so he could knead both in his hand at once while continuing to massage his uncut cock with the other. He was taking his time, not jerking it furiously like he had in the window. 

It was like he knew he had tamed his frightened fawn. She was virtually eating out of the palm of his hand now, and licked her lips at the thought. 

Was this it? They needed a condom right? Should she suck it first? She was becoming increasingly delirious.

“Thanks,” was all that came out instead, as he closed his eyes and threw his head back, milking his shaft in faster, shorter strokes towards the head. Part of her felt relieved that they weren’t going to do the actual deed, even though she was increasingly becoming tempted to pull him down on top of her and let him drive himself home.

But it was already too late. He let go of her breasts and braced his palm on the cushion beneath her head as he groaned his release. She watched with fascination as the thick, viscous ropes of his cum landed on her exposed mound and stomach, hot and sticky. She marveled at the sheer volume of it as it rapidly cooled on her skin and soaked into the fabric of her panties. 

“I could have, you know, returned the favor.” She smiled, cocking her eyebrows toward the mess he’d made of her. 

“No, I liked it,” he reassured her with a quick kiss before sitting up and putting himself away. “I’ve been thinking about coming on you since you moved back home. Mostly your tits, but you know, didn’t wanna ruin your dress.” 

She laughed. It made sense that was the height of his fantasies. He probably jerked off five times a day.

“You look hot when you come. I wanna make you do it again.” He stood up and crossed the room to the adjacent bathroom.

“I should really get going," she insisted as he returned with a soft blue hand towel with butterflies embroidered on the end.

“Are you sure you want to use that?” she asked incredulously. 

“I’ll throw it in the laundry, it’s fine.”

A lot of his laundry was probably covered in cum, she imagined. 

“You don’t have to go,” he offered, nodding towards the basement steps. “They’re probably in bed already. You could stay longer.”

She wanted to stay. Wanted to fall asleep in his big, beefy arms. She watched with increasing tenderness for him as he cleaned her off gently and pulled her underwear back into place before straightening her dress over her lap. His movements were slow and intentional, like he was caring for something fragile. 

She wondered how fragile she was becoming, the more she spent time with him. 

If he’d break her. If she’d let him. 

Or vice versa.

She propped herself up on her elbows, gathering the strength to stand up and leave. “No, no. I should really go.” She sat up, warding off the added temptation with decisive action.

He clutched her arm, keeping her from rising. “Okay. But can I please just make you come one more time?”

She laughed. Was this kid for real?

“But you already made me come twice.”

“Please,” he pouted, reaching for the hem of her dress again and fixing her with an expectant look. “Just real quick.”

“I don’t know,” she hesitated, but he was already covering her lips with his and slipping his fingers inside her panties again.

"Oh," she moaned instead as she let him continue, surrendering to the kisses that trailed down her jaw and wet, tantalizing licks to the sensitive spot where her neck met her shoulder.

He went straight for her clit this time with strong, assured movements before delving inside of her once more. He kissed her deeply, his free hand wefted in her hair, his thumb stroking her cheek. This time, instead of going for speed, he flexed his fingers back and forth in a slow, beautifully torturous movement that gradually wound her up to her peak, his strong, skilled thumb sealing the deal. 

When she came this time, it was like a cascade of dominos falling, a series of deep waves undulating throughout her core. She clung to his shoulder as she caved in, crumpling forward. He slipped his fingers out and sucked them clean, and she marveled at how intimate they’d become in such a short span of time. 

She had tried so hard to be strong, but she’d crumbled more easily than she'd expected. But could anyone blame her when he had those lips and those fingers?

He kissed her once more. “Thank you,” he whispered against her cheek as he held his forehead pressed to hers. 

“Um, thank you too,” she replied, giggling. “This was um, unexpected.”

“Not for me,” he grinned. 

She slapped his chest playfully. “You’re a menace.”

She had been completely wrong about his clit-related knowledge and part of her longed to stay and see what other skills he might have. He kissed her again, this one deep and passionate, and almost enough to convince her to stay for yet another mind blowing orgasm. Or to give another him one in return.

This time, however, she gathered every scrap of her strength and made her way to the stairs, Ben trailing behind her. 

He walked her to the front door, giving her another long, sensual kiss before she made her way down the porch steps. She hoped it was late enough that none of the nosy neighbors, or God forbid, her mother would have seen them. 

“Hey,” he called out to her when she was halfway down the lawn. She turned back to face him even though she wanted nothing more than to run to her bedroom and squeal into her pillow like a giddy teenage girl.

“What?”

“You’re beautiful.” 

Her cheeks flushed, as if this was the thing she was suddenly shy about. She was letting herself be wooed by a literal high school student and she wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

But she also couldn’t deny the way she felt when he was looking at her the way he was right now. 

Like he meant everything he had said to her, and everything he’d done to her.

Like she meant something to him.

“Goodnight, Ben.” 

She walked briskly away and darted across the street before he could say something else devastatingly adorable. 

++++

When she got to her room, she resisted for all of five minutes before she opened her curtains to see if he was waiting for her on the other side of the street. 

She burst out laughing when he was already standing in the soft glow of his window, holding up his SHOW ME UR BOOBS SIGN again.  

He waved, blowing her a kiss before mouthing “goodnight” and shut off his light, freeing her to do the same.  

She closed the curtains and flopped onto her bed.

She would deal with the acute mixture of joy and shame swirling within her tomorrow. For now, she’d simply live in this moment where she was just a girl. 

Falling for a boy.

Chapter Text

She didn’t even have his phone number, but she imagined that if she stood in her window, or went outside, she would eventually run into him somehow. It was comforting, being able to depend on someone for once.

It drove her crazy how badly she wanted to see him. Even though he was young, and she was slightly embarrassed at the fact that she’d let herself get so deep already, he was smart and funny and so freaking adorable. He was the perfect mix of sweet and infuriating.

Last night had been eye-opening, and with a potent combination of excitement and self-loathing coursing through her, she climbed up into her treehouse to have another think. That is, without the threat of her mother randomly bursting into her room and asking if Rey would like to join her for yogilates, or go get some pumpkin spice lattes and try on boots at the outlet mall. 

Never mind the fact that Rey hated group exercise classes, drank only regular coffee and preferred to order things online. At least her mom was trying to bond with her? But it almost felt like too little too late. Maybe she’d needed her mom in that way when she was younger, but she’d already learned to live without it. She tried not to think about how sad that was.

But she’d already decided she wouldn’t cry today, because she was actually happy, for once. Suspiciously happy, like there was another shoe, somewhere, nefariously waiting to drop.

As she scrolled through her phone and debated deleting the Tinder app, a rustling below the treehouse made her whole body stiffen like a startled animal. Then moments later, with a loud thud, a size fourteen Air Jordan appeared in front of her. 

“Aren’t you a little old for a treehouse?” he jested, hands on his hips. He looked comical, bending his neck down to fit his hulking form in the small space. 

 “I’m a little too old for a lot of things,” she responded sardonically, standing up to greet him. 

“True,” he agreed, eyes darkening and his lips curling up impishly. “How many of them do you think we could do in a treehouse?”

“Don’t even think about it,” she responded, her breath quickening as he approached her, reaching his big arms around her waist and pulling her close.

She didn’t fight it, sliding her palms over his biceps and contemplating jumping his bones right then and there. 

“Think about what?” he retorted, drawing his face closer to hers until she could barely breathe at all. “I was thinking like, pirates or cops and robbers.” His lips were nearly touching hers now. “What were you thinking about, pervert?”

Her cheeks flushed, like they usually did in his presence, and before she could say something sarcastic in response, his lips were sealed to hers.

It was electrifying, kissing him out in the open like this, in broad daylight where anyone might see. Although all their neighbors could likely catch a glimpse of the lower halves of their bodies. But then his hands were cupping her ass, and squeezing, and he pressed his erection into her abdomen until she gasped, the kiss growing more and more heated. 

“Someone’ll see,” she mumbled as he loosened his grip around her waist to slide his hand up her shirt. 

“So?” he rasped softly in her ear before swiping his tongue over the lobe and sucking on it. It sent a delicious pang of arousal straight to her cunt and she all but humped his thigh before she pulled away out of sheer self-preservation. 

“Ben,” her voice grew stern as the prospect of Mrs. Maz popping her head over the fence doused her arousal like a bucket of ice water. She pushed at his chest with one reluctant palm and looked up into his smug teen boy face. 

“Let’s go upstairs then,” he proposed. “Isn’t your mom at the mall or or like, fucking the UPS guy?”

She balked, arousal completely dissipated in an instant. “You know about that?” 

“Rey, everyone knows that,” he shrugged. “Is she gonna leave your stepdad finally? Everyone knows he’s an asshole.” He watched as her face fell and reassured her, swiping his thumb over her cheek in a way that was starting to feel like their own special thing. “It’s okay, Rey. No one cares. No one blames her.”

So much for keeping secrets from the neighbors. If her mother was living her life without shame, and people didn’t judge her, then why was she so scared? 

But then again, the UPS guy wasn’t currently enrolled in AP Physics. 

“I’m- I’m not feeling very well all of a sudden,” she admitted. It wasn’t a lie, she was just reorienting her entire view of the universe. The one where her parents had failed and she had to pick up the slack. Constantly. Be above reproach. Make up for where they had failed.  

Be perfect. 

But maybe she didn’t have to anymore.

He grabbed her waist with both hands and rubbed his thumbs on her hips just under the hem of her shirt. “I’m sorry, I shouldn't have said anything.”

He was just a kid. He had no idea how bad things could truly be, with his two parents who loved each other. He had his whole charmed life in front of him. He hadn't failed at anything yet.

“It’s okay. I’m just gonna go lay down, I think.”

“Suit yourself,” he remarked, his voice growing excited as he bolted towards the tiny treehouse entrance and swung a leg around the doorframe. 

“Ben, what are you doing?” she asked as she poked her head out of the doorway, her voice increasingly laden with worry. She watched him climb further out on the narrow lip of the platform holding the tree house, gripping the roof of it as he made his way towards the nearest large branch. 

“Having fun.” His voice strained as he reached around the edge of the house for a handhold. 

“It’s not that high, come with me,” he shouted as he used one of the supporting branches to launch himself onto the treehouse’s roof. “Oh wow. I can see Mrs. Maz’s chicken coop from here,” he marveled, swaying a bit as he rose to standing. 

“Please be careful!” she yelled as she attempted to follow him and decided better of it when her foot nearly slipped off the edge. The last thing she needed was to spend her last few months at home in traction. 

“You coming?” He walked towards the front of the roof, his sneakers sliding along the shingles as small twigs and branches met their fate after a ten foot drop to the ground. 

“No, I’m not. Can you please get down from there? I’m pretty sure Unkar lapsed on the property insurance this year.”

“Okay, fine,” he finally acquiesced, shimmying his butt down the roof, as she ducked back inside to give him room to jump back down into the open doorway. 

He flipped over on his stomach and his feet dangled, inches from the platform, from safety. She breathed a sigh of relief, until she heard him slip and cry out, nearly falling off completely as he made a crash landing onto the main platform. He’d fallen right onto the edge, with only an inch to spare.

“Oh my God!” 

She rushed forward, expecting to have to rescue him like they were in some kind of suspenseful action movie. But he crawled confidently towards her on his hands and knees, cracking up like he hadn’t just scared the living daylights out of her.

She kneeled in front of him as he regained his bearings and swiped his hand through his long wavy hair. It was so charming, she almost didn’t want to kill him for real.

“Are you okay?” she asked tentatively, expecting him to report some sort of injury. 

He glanced up at her, his eyes full and warm as he regarded her. “Yeah, I’m fine. Child’s play.”

He was still a kid, wasn't he? Carefree and seemingly with no sense of his own mortality. When had she lost that ability--to just play and be a kid?

When her dad left? When Unkar showed his true colors? When her mom stopped seeing her as a person and more of an improvement project?

“You scared me!” she scolded him, slapping his unbelievably hard bicep. 

He scooted forward, reaching up and swiping her hair behind her shoulder, exposing her neck. As he leaned in to kiss it, he whispered in her ear. “You were worried about me? You care if I get hurt, huh?”

“Of course,” she whispered back, shivering as he softly rubbed his nose on her cheek and his fingers closed around the nape of her neck. 

He turned her face towards him and kissed her softly. It was so lovely, she nearly whined when he pulled away. “You like me don’t you?”

She laughed in response to the sincere question. Was it not obvious? 

It briefly occurred to her that despite his hold on her, she held most of the power. She was older. She was the one who was going to leave.

He was so sweet, and innocent, and he was looking at her like she could never disappoint him as long as she lived. 

She only wished that were true.

“I do, Ben. I just worry that this might be a bad idea, you know? Us.”

“How can something bad feel so good though?”

“That’s like, how most bad things work, I think,” she laughed. 

He looked down at their hands, which she hadn’t realized were locked together and then looked back up at her with renewed resolve.

“Don’t overthink it, okay? Let’s just be here. Right now,” he offered. 

Before she could protest, he was kissing her again, and luckily, down on the floor they were mostly out of view of the open windows on either side, and hopefully far enough from the doorway to avoid prying eyes. Or they’d have a crowd cheering them on in no time. 

Maybe she could just live in the now, especially when it felt this good. 

He pulled her into his lap to straddle him, and it was like the previous night, all over again. She couldn’t get enough of his hands on her, pawing her everywhere like an eager puppy, kissing her wherever he could find bare skin, be it her jaw, her neck, or her collarbones. 

When his fingers pried at the waistband of her leggings, she pushed his hand away. 

“Not here. Someone could see us. And your hands are all dirty,” she protested. 

“Can I come over to your place tonight then? I'll say I'm at Hux's.” He gave her an irresistible grin. “I’ll clean up real nice.”

She bit her lip as she contemplated, and he drew small circles on her lower back with his index finger, sending shivers up her spine. 

Mom had Zumba class which probably meant she was at Serge’s for the night and Unkar was away on a hunting trip even though he couldn't hunt for shit. It was mostly just an excuse to get drunk and yell at people in a more natural setting.  

But Ben? Alone in her house all night? She knew for a fact that she wouldn’t be able to resist crossing that permanent threshold with him. 

And yet she couldn’t help but want him all to herself, in their own little world. 

“I don’t know, Ben.”

“Please?” That goofy, adoring smile. “I wanna see you come again. Like five times. Can I make you come five times?” He squeezed her waist with both hands until she squirmed. 

No one was strong enough to say no to that, and she certainly wasn’t special. 

Damn it.

“Fuck it. Fine," she acquiesced. "But you’re not sleeping over.”

He smiled brightly and kissed the faux frown right off her face. 

“You know what? I’m gonna call you Sunshine. Because when you come it’s like watching a sunrise for the first time.”

Was he for real? A corny line like that from any other guy  would make her cringe, but from him it was the epitome of romance. No one had given her a nickname before.

“That's very deep,” she teased him, avoiding revealing how much she really liked it. How special it made her feel. 

“You like it deep, don't you?” He bucked his hips up under her and she squealed, holding onto his shoulder for balance.

“Don’t you have homework or something?” she deflected, pressing her forehead to his. 

“Yeah, anatomy.” 

She rolled her eyes and laughed. She had to get him out of here now that the spell was broken and she had her strength to resist him slightly more intact. 

“Go do your homework, Ben.”

Allowing herself one more kiss, she dismounted from his lap and stood up, straightening her disheveled t-shirt. 

He beat her to the treehouse’s ladder, making it so he could stare at her ass as they both descended. 

She avoided getting too close to him once they reached bottom, conscious that their chain link fence wouldn’t be shielding their secret romance from anyone. 

“I’ll see you later, Sunshine.” He pinched her ass and ran towards the front gate. 

She crossed her arms over her chest and gave him an exasperated look as he grinned at her over his shoulder and winked. 

Sunshine.

She shook her head and made her way back towards the house, repeating the word over and over to herself.

Rolling it over like ocean-smoothed sea glass in her mind. 

Chapter Text

Mom returned home briefly from her afternoon shopping trip to prepare for Zumba class, or perhaps more accurately, an evening liaison with Serge, her beloved UPS man. 

“Honey, why are you so dressed up?”

Rey looked down at her ensemble of a black lace-trimmed, strappy tank and dark wash jeans. Ben was coming over later and she was going for casual, yet sexy. This also entailed no bra, and her lucky pair of red lace panties. She was running out of lucky panties to surprise Ben with. Not that that was her number one priority, surprising him with sexy panties. She shouldn’t be surprising him with anything, and yet she was already wondering what color he might prefer next. 

“Mom, I’m not dressed up.”

Unless you compared this outfit to her typical ensemble of stained t-shirt and stained shorts or running gear.

“Reyanne Jean.” Her mom waggled her eyebrows and her voice was cloying and made Rey want to jump out of her skin. “Did you finally get one of those Tinder dates?” 

Rey rolled her eyes in an exaggerated manner so as to drive the point home that her mother was being absolutely ridiculous. “No, no. It’s nothing like that. Rose got a babysitter and we’re going to get some cocktails.”

Boy, was it easy for her to lie, all of a sudden.

“Well, honey, you know that app finds people within a five mile radius from wherever you are, so don’t be so closed off from the idea.”

Of course her mom knew that.

“Thanks ma, I’ll consider that, but I’m not sure Rose would appreciate it if I abandoned her at the bar.”

“Sweetie, Rose already found her happily ever after, I’m sure she’ll understand. Not many men your age around here unless you count that cute Ben Solo across the street. Not that you want to date an eighteen year old, of course.” 

Her heart thudded in her chest. Of course.

“Um, it's fine mom. I’m not looking for someone around here since I’m leaving soon anyway.”

“Oh darling, you don't have to marry anyone. Just get laid. Enjoy yourself. You’re young and pretty and you have a nice body. Take advantage while you still can, sweetie.”

Rey’s cheeks flushed at her mom’s spot-on analysis of exactly where her mind was going lately.

Straight to the gutter.

“Gee mom, thanks,” Rey responded, crossing her arms over her chest as she decided she was more than ready to sink into the earth. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Zumba may run late so don’t wait up okay?” Her mom started putting on some lipstick in the reflection of the microwave as she spoke, the scent of her perfume wafting over to Rey. She had on her usual head-to-to Lululemon outfit on, but Rey suspected she was not actually headed to the closest LA Fitness.

“Mom?”

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“I know. You don’t have to pretend you’re going to Zumba.”

Her mom paused mid-swipe, half of her bottom her lip red, the other still light pink. Quickly, she resumed her application and capped the lipstick, turning towards Rey. 

“Okay, so we’re doing this,” she sighed.

Rey uncrossed her arms and stepped towards her mom. They didn't usually have heart to hearts, but maybe it was time. 

“It’s okay. I understand. Unkar is-” Rey trailed off, gesturing vaguely.

“I just don’t know what I am without him, honey,” her mom’s voice started to waver. “But I’m obviously not in love with him. Sometimes I wonder if I ever was, or if I was just so desperate to be taken care of. You know how he was in the beginning. All chivalrous and charming. I thought he was the one.”

Tears formed, threatening to spill over the rim of her mother’s eyes. As if it were the first time she’d come to this realization, or at least admitted it out loud. 

Rey quietly pulled her mother into her arms and let her sob. 

“You’re Amilyn fucking Holdo, that’s who,” Rey reassured her mother as Amilyn pulled away, laughing. Holdo was her mother’s maiden name. She’d never changed it to Niima or Plutt. 

It had always impressed Rey that she kept that piece of herself even when she gave away the rest of it. To men who did nothing but take and then leave. But in a way it was also sad, like she knew that they were never worthy of her changing her name for them.

Nothing so permanent.

“You’ll be okay without him. You know that right?” 

Dabbing at her tears with the back of her finger, leaving smudges of mascara on it, Amilyn nodded and huffed a sad, exasperated laugh. “You really think so?”

“I know so,” Rey smiled, squeezing her mom’s shoulder. “I’m here for you.”

“Oh, honey. It’s not your job. Listen, I’m gonna go anyway,” Amilyn’s face brightened as she spoke. “I’m gonna go have a nice night with Serge and see what happens. Carpe diem, right?” 

“Are you sure?” Rey asked tentatively, internally begging her to go so she could still have her ill-advised evening with Ben. 

Her mom cupped her face and thumbed at her chin. “I’m sure, sweetie. Think about what I said about that Tinder. Have some fun, baby.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Her mom left in a flourish, wisps of her perfume still lingering in the air, like a promise. 

++++

The doorbell rang at exactly seven o’clock and Rey leapt off the couch to greet him. She waited a few moments before opening the door, for her breathing to slow down.

When she opened the door, he was standing there, all lanky and tempting, radiating youthful confidence. He was dressed for Netflix and Chill: dark grey sweatpants slung low on his hips, a fitted black t-shirt that hugged his tasty biceps, and yet another pair of overpriced Nikes on his feet. His hair was still slightly damp, like he’d showered for the occasion.

Of course, it was incredibly sexy of him, but she suddenly felt a little stupid, having dressed nicer than she usually did for something as silly as hooking up with a boy who was far too young for her. 

This was all a mistake. She should tell him to-

“You look-” his voice trailed off as he appraised her from head to toe, his eyes lingering on her low neckline and the subtle hint of her rapidly hardening nipples through the silky fabric. “You’re perfect.”

Ignoring the chills he made course through her body, with that look, she laughed. 

“I’m overdressed, I think,” she responded, as he crossed the threshold, bringing a subtle waft of Axe body spray with him. At least he hadn’t bathed in it. The last thing she needed was for her living room to smell like a high school dance. 

He circled around her and backed her against the door, pressing his body into hers and coasting his fingertips down her bare arms. “You’re only overdressed because you have clothes on,” he teased. “You can get naked whenever you want.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” she sassed him, loving how he brought out the feistiness in her. 

Usually she was more timid around men. The stereotypical shy lab rat. The quiet overachiever who only sprung into action when someone messed with her friends. 

She rarely stood up for herself, or asked for what she wanted. 

And here she was, wanting something she shouldn’t even have.

But she fucking wanted it.

He pressed his hips into hers, the soft gray sweatpants leaving no mystery as to whether or not he’d like it.

All it took was one heated exchange of looks before she was wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him fiercely. He smoothed his hand over her ass and pulled her thigh up around his waist, practically humping her into the door, he was so greedy. He hitched up her other leg and held her completely aloft with the door supporting her back, licking and kissing her neck until she moaned so loudly it frightened her. That is, until she remembered the house was empty and she could scream as loud as she needed to.

“Fuck, Rey, I want you so bad,” he murmured into her ear as he moved her center up and down his rigid length with both hands. That is, until he swung himself around, and started confidently walking her to the couch, without missing a beat. 

Oh god, he really could fuck her standing up. 

Maybe not for her her first time though. 

Oh god. 

He gently laid her back on the couch and went straight for the button on her jeans. She hadn’t expected them to jump right into this, but she wasn’t complaining, either. Part of her wanted to get the hard part out of the way. Before she chickened out completely.

Don’t overthink it.

Live in the moment.

Don’t think about the fact that he probably read out loud from a textbook today.

Slowly pulling her zipper down, he started nuzzling at her stomach and pushing her shirt up, letting out a low, throaty chuckle when he brushed her bare nipple with his thumb. 

Just as he was about to lift her shirt up completely, her stomach let out a loud, humiliating growl followed by a few shorter gurgles. He paused, smiling as they both waited far too long for the cacophony of sounds to dissipate. Covering her face with her hands, she realized she’d been so anxious that she hadn’t eaten anything since the morning.

“Rey, what kind of toppings do you like on your pizza?”

She kept her hands over her face, too embarrassed to remove them. “Um, I don’t know, whatever you want.”

His fingers pried hers away from her eyes so she could see his beautiful face (not only did he have a dazzling array of beauty marks, but he also had the cutest freckles on his nose). He was looking at her with reverence, instead of the pity she’d expected. Even for an immature teen boy, didn’t seem amused or put off by her loud, obnoxious gastrointestinal system. 

“What do you like? I’ll get whatever you want.”

Whatever she wanted.

She sat up, quickly getting over herself and her musical organs. He wanted to feed her. And make sure she liked it, too. It was too sweet to simply disregard.

Within twenty minutes, a piping hot, half sausage and onion, half pepperoni pizza was delivered to her house. He’d practically pushed her out of the way to answer the door and pay for it himself. 

“Ben, you didn’t have to. Do you even have a job?”

He shrugged humbly as he placed the box on the coffee table along with the paper plates and cups Rey had gathered from the kitchen earlier. 

“Yeah, I worked all summer cutting lawns and cleaning pools in the rich neighborhood across town.”

“Oh, wow, that’s impressive.” 

She had barely left the house during the summer except to hang out with Rose or tutor local kids in STEM. She’d been too depressed and ashamed to face the neighbors who’d known she’d gone to a good school and gotten a job in the big city. She and Ben must have just barely missed each other until he’d found a good enough reason to approach her. 

Could this have happened sooner? Would she have even been open to it?

Should she be into it now? Even as the days ticked by that would turn into months and take her away from him? She didn’t know what made her feel more conflicted - their age difference or the fact that their tryst had a rapidly approaching expiration date.

“Anyway, it’s nice to treat a pretty girl to some questionable pizza.”

She laughed, prying open the box, hot steam warming her hands as she grabbed a sausage and onion slice. “Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.”

Rey fired up Hulu and the image of one of her favorite movies, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind appeared on the home screen.

“Have you seen this one?” she asked nonchalantly. It was one of her favorites—love always finding a way in spite of seemingly insurmountable obstacles. 

“No, but that Kate Winslet chick was kinda hot in Titanic, so I’ll give it a shot.”

“Real mature,” she groaned, feeling slightly jealous of Kate Winslet for a moment as she hit play and took a bite of her slice. 

Once their bellies were full, they cuddled closer on the couch. Surprisingly, he paid attention to the film, only occasionally tracing a fingernail on her forearm or kissing the top of her head. 

When it was done, he sat up and stretched. “I liked it.”

“Yeah?” she asked dreamily. She couldn’t remember the last time she just snuggled and watched a movie with anyone. It usually led to other things or her falling asleep and snoring on her date. 

“The implications are kind of interesting. Storing memories, erasing them. Kind of like artificial intelligence, how they create memories for machines out of nothing.”

Ah, there he went being fucking charming and intelligent again. “Would you do it? Erase someone?”

He scoffed. “Maybe. I’d like to erase Hux sometimes. But I don’t know. Memories are what shape us. Even pain has a purpose.”

Without really knowing why, her nose started to tingle and she felt tears prick in her eyes. 

He chucked her gently on the bottom of the chin. “I wouldn't want to forget you, though. Ever.”

“Even if I break your heart?” she asked, her voice wavering. 

“Even if you destroy me, Rey, it’ll be worth it.”

It was all she needed to hear, even if it felt reckless, and wrong, and irresponsible.

She was so tired of being responsible.

He accepted her kiss eagerly, sliding his hand effortlessly up the back of her shirt, skin gliding across skin as she grabbed his face with both hands. As if he’d disappear and she had to hold on as tightly as possible. 

Slowly inching off the couch, he stood, lips parted and pulled her up to standing. “Your room?”

Right. Room. Now.

She grabbed his hand and led him toward the stairs, practically yanking him as they climbed upwards. 

Her bedroom door was open and she led him inside, shutting it behind her in case Amilyn’s pivotal evening with Serge didn’t go as planned.

Now it was his turn to cup her face with both hands, and kiss her with heated intention before backing away and peeling his shirt off in one fluid movement. Silver chain glinting in the light of her bedside lamp, he tossed his t-shirt to the floor and resumed kissing her tenderly.

His hands were heavy and hot on her waist, and he wasn’t shy about lifting the hem of her shirt. She really couldn’t think of a reason to protest as he swiftly lifted it over her head. He was careful of her nose and eyes as he peeled it off of her, and didn’t hide the look of awe on his face at finally having the time to fully take in her bare breasts without the threat of being caught. 

He growled and lowered his head to take each nipple into his mouth in turn, bracing his hand on her lower back so she wouldn’t swoon to the floor. He dropped to his knees and peppered her belly with kisses as he resumed unbuttoning her pants as he’d intended to earlier that evening. 

Staring up at her, he pulled her zipper down slowly, almost as if for dramatic effect, his lips parted wide, curling up at the corners as she smiled down at him.

“I’m gonna make you come so many times,” he promised, hooking his fingers in her waistband and easing her jeans over her hips and down her thighs. All she could do was laugh and brace her hands on his shoulders. She stepped out of her jeans gingerly as he held them down for her and stood before him in just her red lace panties. 

It was different than last night, with the hours of privacy now stretching before them, and the quiet desperation building within her. She knew there was no turning back now. 

“It’s not a competition or anything,” she joked, not used to this brazenness or dedication from a man.   

“I’m an athlete, Sunshine, what do you expect?” He cocked an eyebrow and smirked as she shook her head. 

Usually men being competitive rubbed her the wrong way. Why was it so hot when he did it?  

“Can I?” He asked hopefully, stretching out her waistband with a single finger and letting it snap against her skin. 

She nodded, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically, as he gently pulled her panties down, fingernails scraping lightly against her skin, until she was completely bared to him. 

Before she could contemplate how vulnerable she felt, his face was buried in her cunt, one hand guiding her leg to swing over his shoulder as he held her upright with the other.

She didn’t think she could actually come standing up, but then she was, barely having time to recover before he was lifting her up and carrying her to the bed. 

“That’s one,” he bragged, cocky as ever. 

Did it mean there were four more to go until she had to decide once and for all whether or not to let him deflower her? Or would some of them be during? 

Once again, he interrupted her thoughts, this time with his big, stupid fingers. Big, strong, meaty thick fingers pumping in and out of her, three in total, she realized when she found the strength to look down. 

“Oh fuck,” she cried out as he used both hands in tandem, one massaging her clit in strong, steady circles and the other fucking her in what she imagined was a pale imitation of the monster dong hanging between his legs. 

“Oh God,” she cried again as the pressure built within, and he continued his unrelenting ministrations. “How?” she asked, brows furrowed until she lost her voice to a silent scream, her body tensing and releasing in waves as she gushed on his hand. 

“Holy shit, you fucking squirted!” 

“I what?” she inquired, and was ignored as he dove in, impatiently lapping up what remained, cleaning her of her cum and whatever squirting was made of. 

“Mmm,” he remarked, lips smacking. “You fucking squirted. It’s female ejaculation. You don’t know about it?”

“Of course I know about it!” 

She did know. She just didn’t realize she was capable of it. 

He popped his head up and grinned from ear to ear, chin glistening with her.

“I’m the only person who ever did that?” 

“Yeah,” she admitted. “I didn’t think I could.” 

“Let’s see if you can do it again, that’s two,” he winked before returning to menacing her clit. 

"Fuck,” she groaned as he added his fingers again. Her calf muscle started to tense and she flexed her toes upward to prevent a cramp. She should have hydrated more. 

“One more and then it’s my turn,” he instructed casually, as if they were playing Mario Kart and not straight up destroying her bedspread.

“Okayyyyy-wow,” she cut herself off as she neared the cliff of ecstasy once more. Orgasms were being pulled off her like floss from the spool - quick and slippery and inevitable. She didn’t even have to focus to make them happen, they just did.

He laughed knowingly against her skin. She tried not to think of the girls that came before, but couldn’t help but mouth a silent thank you for their service. 

Once she was digging her heels into his back and practically tearing holes into her comforter with her fingernails, he popped his head up again. 

“Three,” he said smugly, standing up and shucking off his sweatpants. 

She was flat on the bed now, knees still up in the air and legs splayed wide. After a moment, she collected herself and sat up on her elbows. “Your turn?” she asked, smiling dreamily. 

His eyes darkened and he stepped closer to the bed, placing one knee on the mattress. “Rey,” his voice nearly cracked as she leaned forward, reaching for his thick, heavy cock. It leaned towards his left leg and had already dotted his thigh with precum. 

She grabbed his shaft in one hand and licked the slick substance off of his thigh, her tongue grazing over the fine hairs as she enjoyed the subtle, salty taste of him. He smelled freshly showered, the clean and bright scent of his soap emanating from the thick nest of black hair inches from her face. 

Lifting his cock upwards, she licked a path from the base to tip before taking his head in her mouth and twirling her tongue in quick circles around his glans. 

He shuddered, starting to reach for her head, then stopped himself. He’d likely been trained by gratuitous viewings of internet porn based on some of his signature moves, but at least he was a gentleman. 

Instead of pulling away, she took him in further, slowly taking him in to the back of her throat. She hadn’t sucked a dick in ages, and her gag reflex was a little strong. But he seemed happy to have her do this at all, watching her with keen concentration, hands held aloft still. 

Holding his gaze, reached up and took one hand and placed it on her cheek, and then another, so he was gently holding both sides of her face. She stayed like that for a little while, acclimating to the feel of his silky-soft cock in her mouth, nearly breaching her throat but not quite, the rough pads of his thumbs swiping over the apples of her cheeks in their secret code of tenderness.

Taking her time, she slowly pulled him out of her mouth and used her hand to stroke his shaft. Spreading her saliva downwards, she relished the fluid movement of his foreskin sliding back and forth. 

He threw his head back and groaned, still keeping his touch light on her face and lifting one hand up to gently stroke her hair. Her mouth joined her hand and they worked in perfect symbiosis, allowing her to give him the illusion of being fully enveloped, because there was no way she was fitting all of him in her mouth. 

Maybe, eventually.

But not tonight.

“M-m’gonna come,” he croaked, grabbing a fistful of hair at the base of her neck in a way that was somehow still respectful. 

Pulling off him with a loud popping sound, she encouraged him, increasing the speed and intensity of her grip. “Come for me, Ben.”

He looked down at her with widened eyes. “Where?”

She opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out, mostly smiling with her eyes. 

“Oh shit,” he breathed out, “Oh fuck. Your tits too? Please?”

It would be messy, but he deserved it. She was riding high on three orgasms. He could come wherever he wanted, including inside her, she’d decided. That is, if she let it get that far.

She nodded enthusiastically as he took over and kept her tongue out.  As the thick, salty liquid landed on her tongue and her chin and finally her tits, she couldn't help but feel powerful. 

Someone’s ultimate fantasy come to life. 

And that’s exactly how he looked at her, like she was the culmination of every dream he’d ever had, as she dutifully licked his cum off of her lips and swiped it off her chin with her finger, licking that too. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Rey,” he panted before pushing her back on the bed. “I’m gonna fuck the shit out of you right now,” he insisted, pouncing on her and licking his own cum off of her clavicles until she giggled at the sensation. 

“Ben, are you sure you want this?” Her voice was low and breathy, and had zero fight in it. 

She was sure now. She was so fucking sure.

“Yes. Fuck. Please. I wanna feel you cum on my dick,” he grasped both her hands and lifted them over her head, pressing them into her pillows as he threaded his fingers in between hers. His cock was already hardening against her abdomen. She’d forgotten that younger guys had shorter refractory periods. 

“Two more, remember? I’m gonna last even longer now.” 

He looked so excited, she almost felt bad to break the news to him that he was official intercourse partner number one. But there was no turning back now.

You’re a virgin. Tell him you’re a virgin.

Suddenly she felt a little less powerful. Maybe he didn’t want this responsibility on his young shoulders. He should know. If he chose not to go through with this, well, it had already been the best night of her entire life. 

“Ben? There’s something I have to tell you."

“Yeah?” he breathed, rolling his hips against her and kissing her jaw. 

“I'm a virgin.”

He lifted his head up to look at her and smiled widely. “Oh, cool. So am I. This is nice we get to pop each other’s cherries. Not that it, like, matters or anything right?” He shrugged. “We’ve already done pretty much everything else.”

“Wait, you’re a virgin? How-?"

He laughed. "What made you think that? Because I give such good head?"

Um, yeah.

“I just figured—You said it wasn’t your first rodeo. And that too.”

He seemed to be enjoying this confessional conversation a bit too much, flexing his hips so his dick dug into her thigh a bit more. She expected him to start humping her leg at any moment. 

“I’ve hooked up with a couple girls, but most of them were afraid my dick was gonna break them or something.”

She hadn’t considered it previously, but maybe those girls had a point. She squeezed her thighs together thinking of the stretch, but it wasn’t enough of a deterrent to give up now.

“So no one has uh, been interested yet,” he continued. “So I had to find other ways to make them happy I guess.” 

“Most guys your age don’t care all that much about making sure the girl comes. Well, most guys in general, actually.” 

"I don’t know. I like it. It makes my dick hard. I liked making you squirt too. I guess actual sex was just whatever to me. I figured it’ll happen eventually. And here we are.”

God, he was so simultaneously sweet and infuriating in the best way. She loved how little he seemed to care about virginity in general. Why had she ever made such a big deal of it?

He kissed her cheek in the sweetest way and added, “I’m glad it’s you.”

Straw, meet camel’s back. She was done for, and they were definitely doing this.

“Are we really doing this?”

“If you’re worried about my size, I’ll go slow. I can make you come again so you feel relaxed.”

Before she could chime in with her new but increasingly nuanced opinion on his massiveness, he was already working his way down her body via a trail of wet, open mouthed kisses. 

“I can’t wait to fuck you,” he mumbled into her skin. “You want me to fuck you, right? Can I?”

Feeling so wanted was such a new feeling to her in general, but it had been this way with him since she’d let herself kiss him. It was hopelessly intoxicating. 

Her id was shouting yes! so loudly and her whiny little superego was finally getting drowned out. 

She gave Ben a quiet nod as the devil finally booted the angel off of her other shoulder. 

He looked up from tenderly licking her pussy. “Yeah? Let me get a condom,” he offered, reaching for his discarded sweatpants. 

Little bastard.

“I have an IUD so we don’t need it unless you–”

Unless he really was a high school manwhore.

“I haven’t been with anyone since you came home, Rey.” His eyes were soft and she immediately knew he was telling the truth. His face said so much that scared her. Like she was it for him. “Doc said I was all good at my last physical, so-”

“So-” she trailed off. 

They were really doing this.

He smiled and returned to eating her pussy with gusto until she was screaming, and her legs were shaking. But to her shock, he kept going, adding fingers now, until she wanted to cry. 

It hurt so good. 

“Ben!” she screamed, grabbing his hair and practically riding his face as she came, grinding her clit against his tongue as he shook his head back and forth. 

“You taste like peaches,” he practically moaned. “I love your pussy. I can’t wait to stick my dick in it.”

She immediately came back to earth. “You’re so crass.”

“You love it.”

“I do love it.”

“Say it again,” he urged, the smile dropping from his face, eyes dripping with unconcealed lust.

“I love it.”

He crawled upwards on the bed, situating himself between her legs and letting his cock drop with a heavy wet slap on her belly. “Tell me how much you want my cock.”

“I want it. So badly.”

He reached for it, and started nudging his head through her sopping wet folds, making her tilt her hips upwards in anticipation. 

She had no idea what she was doing, but she guessed it wasn’t that hard. 

Bodies were made for this. 

“More,” he insisted. His head found her entrance and he gave a tentative push, and it dawned on her he had no idea what he was doing either, and it was deeply reassuring. 

Her emotions were a cocktail of fear and bottomless need and excitement. And she really wanted him to fuck her.

“I want your cock so bad. Fuck me with your big, stupid cock.”

“Yeah? You want me to fuck you with my giant fucking cock, fill up your tight little virgin pussy?”

Kryptonite.

“Please.”

“Please, what?”

“Fill me up, please.”

He started to push in, hand braced next to her head, and could let go now that he was hard as a rock and she was starting to pull him in, flexing her hips and digging her heels into his back. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he hissed through his teeth. “You okay?”

The stretch was exquisite, lighting up nerves she didn’t know existed. She braced herself for a pain that wasn’t coming and remembered she’d just had five orgasms in a row. She’d never been more ready. “Feels so good.”

“It doesn’t hurt?” The genuine concern and fear on his face was so endearing. He’d been told over and over he was too big. No one had given him a chance.

“Not at all. Keep going,” she encouraged him. “Want all of you.”

“Fuck, it feels so fucking epic. So warm and tight and fucking wet. I wanna live in your pussy forever.”

What a way to live, she imagined. 

He thrust in slowly until he was fully seated, and waited. She urged him to move by wrapping her legs around his waist tighter and canting her hips up higher, using his biceps for leverage.

“You want me to move?”

“More than anything,” she breathed. She wanted to press fast-forward and pause at the same time. Rewind, and start over. Again and again.

He pulled all the way out and slowly pushed back in, testing the waters until he built a rhythm and picked up his pace. 

“Tell me how it feels, Rey.” He sounded so sweet, and needy, and she wanted him to know that he was everything. He was being so gentle, but she could tell that he was holding back.

“Feels good. I love your cock filling me up. Feels so fucking good.”

She'd never been so vocal during sex before. So open about her needs and what she liked, but it was so easy to follow his example. She scraped her nails over his shoulders as he leaned down and kissed her. He was almost being too soft. She needed more.

“It’s okay, Ben. You can fuck me harder.” 

“Oh shit, really?” 

“Yeah," she nodded. "Fuck me as hard as you want.”

His face lit up like she was every present under the tree on Christmas morning. “I wanna pound you into the fucking mattress, Sunshine.”

She could have come from that alone. 

He brought himself up on his palms and moved faster and faster, hitching her leg up higher before pressing it back to rest against her chest. 

Hitting new angles inside her, she got lost in his relentless thrusting.

“Shit, I’m gonna come,” he groaned.  

Part of her didn’t want it to end, the other part wanted to accept all of him, completely.

“Do it.”

He looked at her intensely, his jaw set, teeth bared. “No, you first.”

“Ben, you got your five, it’s fine.”

“Never enough,” he insisted, reaching down to thumb at her clit. 

“Fuck,” she whined. 

Seemingly sensing an opportunity, he pulled out and flipped her over, easily hitching her waist up so she was on her knees, with her cheek still pressed into the sheets. He lined himself up carefully, still getting the hang of it, and then slammed back in again, taking her breath away. 

He lifted her upper body off the bed by her shoulders, drawing her back against his chest. He fucked her furiously, chasing his release as he clumsily pawed at her breasts yet somehow still supported her completely. He found her clit again quickly, licking the shell of her ear and sucking on her earlobe. 

It was overwhelming, to say the least.

“Come on. Come with my dick inside you, Sunshine. Fucking, come right now.”

She shattered and within moments he was pushing her back down towards the bed. He held himself deep inside her with both hands on her hips as he filled her with his spend.

He rested on top of her momentarily, breaths heaving before gently pulling himself out and rolling to the side. She collapsed onto her stomach and he hugged her back against him, kissing her shoulder as he held her tight. 

“I’m gonna marry you,” he said a little too sincerely to the space between her neck and ear.

She laughed. “You’re delirious.”

But so was she. 

“No, I mean it. You’ll see. I’m gonna make you my little wife,” he jested, sliding his hand down to her abdomen and pulling her tighter against him. “I’m gonna make lots of money and keep you home and pump you fulla babies.”

“Very funny but I like my career. Thank you very much.”

“Fine, you can have your career, that’s fine. But I’m still gonna fuck you constantly. And fill you up with babies. We can have it all.”

“Promise?” she smiled. 

It was a cute little fantasy. One that she was already starting to grieve because it was absurd and completely unrealistic, and never going to happen, even if it sounded kind of nice.

“Promise. Gonna start saving for a ring though. Do you like silver or gold?”

“Um, silver?”

Why not play along? Just in this liminal space, between things, where there was only him, and her, and this. 

He curled a lock of hair behind her ear and kissed her temple.

“Silver it is.”

She wondered if they made Ben-sized suitcases. She’d like to stuff him inside one and bring him with her when she left for Boston. 

For now, their own little world, right there right now was enough.

She hadn’t known until this very moment, but she was certain it was all she’d ever needed.

After an hour or so of cuddling, kissing, and making each other laugh, Rey heard her phone buzz. It was Amilyn texting to say she was spending the night at Serge’s with lots of thumbs up, hearts, and a mind blown emoji. 

Feeling happy for both her mother and herself, and for the first time in a long time, completely free of shame, Rey snuggled into Ben’s warm embrace. 

He reached for one of her breasts and squeezed and began rolling his hips into her. 

“Again?” she asked. 

“Why not?” He proposed, breathing heavily in her ear as he humped her gently from behind. 

She started to roll over to face him, and he pulled her up to straddle him. 

“I wanna watch your tits bounce,” he declared with a growl, reaching up to paw at them, push them together and let them fall again. She couldn’t help but simultaneously feel like a goddess and a plaything, and both made her feel incredible. 

She braced her hands on his chest. “I, uh, don’t know how this works.”

His face lit up with a devilish grin. “Figuring it out is half the fun.”

It turned out it was really fun, letting him lift her up and down on his rigid length until her thighs gave out and she could roll her hips deliciously back and forth, feeling him fill up every empty space inside of her. 

When he couldn’t contain himself any longer, he flipped her onto her back and fucked her silly again until she screamed. 

She was so sated and so sleepy, it didn’t even occur to her to kick him out. No one was coming home to burst their bubble. Maybe they could just sleep for a little while. How could she make him leave when he was rubbing her back and kissing her forehead? What kind of monster would end a moment like this?

++++

The first thin strands of sunrise trickled through her curtains as Rey’s eyes cracked open, and she realized her face was suctioned to Ben’s chest with a thin film of her own drool.

She sat up lightning quick, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand as panic coursed through her body. She shook him by the arm and he smacked his lips together and furrowed his brow, but refused to rouse. 

“Ben! Wake up! We fell asleep! You have to go!”

“Hmm?” He murmured. 

“The sun’s almost up. You have to leave before someone sees you!”

He opened his eyes and smiled at her like she was losing her mind and he was attempting to placate her. “Relax, it’s fine.”

“Ben, I really, really enjoyed this but I don’t think we’re ready to go public yet.”

He propped himself up to sit and kissed her on the nose. “You’re cute when you’re anxious.”

She closed her eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh.

Sweet and infuriating, as always. 

“Please, Ben. I’m- I’m not ready for anyone to find out. Is that okay?”

So maybe she still had a little shame left intact. Wasn't that a good thing though? He was just a kid, and if anyone found out- What would Han and Leia think? 

He reached up and thumbed at her cheek, and it told her everything she needed to know. That he would do what she needed right now, and not ask any questions. That he had her back, even though she was still keeping him at arm’s length. 

“Of course. Just promise me something, okay?”

“Um, depends what it is,” she laughed tentatively. 

“That we can do that again as soon as possible?”

She looked down, realizing she’d been wringing her hands, and relaxed them before returning his gaze, this time with a smile. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“I'll take it,” he grinned, kissing her. 

He dressed quickly and she walked him to the door, kissing her before she opened. He snuck down the steps just as the sun starting to peek over the trees, but it was still dark enough that she hoped he could be mistaken for an Amazon prime delivery person or a newspaper boy.  

She closed the door behind him and caught her breath, internally screaming at the close call and also feeling the happiest she’d been in years. 

She traced her fingers over her lips, still feeling the ghost of his kiss.  

Slowly, she began to feel lighter, like it wasn’t as bad as she had feared, maybe. She didn’t know when she’d be ready to come clean to anyone about their romance, or whatever this was, or maybe since she was leaving, she wouldn’t have to. That gave her a whole different set of worries, but for now, she could at least put to rest that Ben needed public validation of what they shared in their own little world. He wasn’t pressuring her to take things more seriously, and he’d been the one to encourage her to live in the moment and not overthink it, after all. 

Even pain has a purpose. 

Even if you destroy me, Rey, it’ll be worth it.

She hoped for both their sakes, that was true. 

Chapter Text

October brought with it crisp leaves and chill air. A few times a week, Rey would sneak Ben into her room for mind blowing sex. It was like a fairytale, and she got to let her prince climb up the tower whenever she wanted. 

But she still felt trapped, somehow. The inevitability of her departure, and the rupturing seams of her parents’ marriage were slowly closing in. But it was so easy not to think about when he was inside her, or his head was between her legs, when she was feeling more pleasure than she imagined to be humanly possible. 

They found ways to be together without ringing any alarm bells amongst their parents, like her helping him with his college essays or handing out candy together at the Solo house on Halloween.

She’d enlisted his help in finishing up the Falcon, and by November, they successfully took it for a test run with Ben at the wheel and Han cheering him on. 

Rey had never felt so much like part of a family before, and tried not to think about the fact that they wouldn't be in her life for much longer. At least, not the way they were now. Once she left, she’d be lucky if she saw them at the grocery store when she visited her mom. 

As Thanksgiving approached, Rey wondered when her mom would finally break the news to Unkar that their marriage was over. She was all but dating Serge in the open, but Unkar had found a full time job again and was working sixty to seventy hours a week. 

Rey wondered if Unkar was cheating too, and why people did this to themselves—live in limbo instead of taking what they wanted. Didn’t they want to be happy?

The irony that she wasn’t fully living her life with Ben was not lost on her either, but she had her reasons.

On Thanksgiving Eve, Unkar happened to be home at the same time as her, just as she was headed over to Ben’s for dinner. 

“Where the hell are you going?”

His gravelly voice stopped her in her tracks. Unkar was in the living room in the dark, bathed only in the cold glow of the television. She might not even have noticed him there if he hadn’t spoken. She was used to him essentially being a piece of furniture in their house.

“Um, going to the Solos for dinner.”

“How come you don’t ever cook for our family, huh? Your mother have to do everything?”

Was he for real? She couldn’t help the sarcasm that dripped from her voice. “I’m sorry, no one is ever home to cook a meal for, but I would gladly contribute if we could all eat together, Dad.”

Even calling him that felt false, but it had been part of the deal since she was a kid. 

“I took you and your mother in when you had nothing. ” He turned towards her and fixed her with the most withering look, like she disgusted him. 

She froze, her heart starting to pound. Why was he doing this? He took a sip of his beer before crushing the can and tossing it onto the floor. He cracked open another. Ah, that’s why.

He scoffed. “Never met two more ungrateful women in my life.”

It chilled her blood, even though she knew it wasn’t fair. That she didn’t deserve this. But she usually took it nonetheless, lest he get even meaner. She’d made that mistake before. 

But then again, why should she take it? She didn't ask to be his stepdaughter. Besides, it was only a matter of time before she and her mother got the hell out of here. What did she have to lose? She steeled herself and assumed a powerful stance, hands on her hips.  

“Why should I be grateful, Dad? You’re a miserable drunk. We could have survived without you if we had to. It probably would have been better than dealing with you all these years.”

He laughed, the tone of his voice growing more patronizing. “Is that so? You couldn't even hack it in Boston and you came right crawling back. You’re almost thirty and you’re not even close to finding a husband.” He let out an amused chuckle, taking another sip of his beer. “I feel bad for the poor sucker that ends up with you.” 

Now she was angry. Her chilled blood began to boil with rage. 

“You know what Unkar? I’d rather be alone forever than end up with someone like you. I can’t wait to get the hell out of here and get the hell away from you.”  She stabbed her pointer finger in his direction.

She wanted to add that her mother felt the same, but knew it wasn’t her place. Her mom could fight her own battles now. She was done being the go-between.

“I don’t need this shit. I’m going to Vegas,” he growled, slamming his beer down on the coffee table. He stood up, and she flinched, wondering if he’d finally cross the line and put a hand on her. 

“But tomorrow’s Thanksgiving!” she said incredulously, as if anyone truly wanted him here. The holidays were the one time he was somewhat nice to her mother. It was just expected that they would all just perform a Norman Rockwell painting for the day and then go back to avoiding each other as usual.

“Good, I’ll hit up the buffets. Have a nice fuckin’ holiday,” he scowled as he trudged past her, leaving her heart racing in his wake as he ascended the stairs, hopefully to pack his bags or at least pass out for the night. 

Rey was thankful her mom wasn’t home and prayed he’d be gone by morning.

Good riddance. 

She didn’t have the stomach to sit through a meal with the Solos anymore. Sitting with a functioning nuclear family that loved each other might be the thing that finally did her in. Because at the end of the day, they weren’t hers, and she wasn’t sure she could pretend anymore. 

Unkar and her mother were leaving and so was she. It was time to say the hard things out loud, and save them both from more heartache than was necessary. 

She quickly sent Ben a text.

Rey: Meet me in the treehouse. 

 

Ben: What about dinner?

 

Rey: I’m sorry I can’t come. Just come over whenever you’re done.

 

Ben: You okay, Sunshine?

 

Rey: Yeah. I’ll see you in a little bit.

 

 

It was colder than ever now, so she grabbed a sleeping bag out of the hall closet and tucked it under her arm, and pulled an old Coleman lantern off the shelf as well. She just wanted to talk where no one could bother them. 

Or see her cry.

While she waited, she snuggled into the sleeping bag sans her boots and leaned against one of the walls, the lantern at her side. She considered how Ben would react when she told him this had to end. 

She wondered if she had the strength to tell him. 

Before she could script herself, his floppy, black head of hair appeared at the top of the ladder. 

“Hey, you okay?”

He stepped over to her, head bowed to avoid the low ceiling and sat beside her with a thud before kissing her cheek. He handed her a foil-wrapped package. 

“Corn muffins. Figured you might be a little hungry.”

He was so big and tender and sweet. She was going to miss him so much. 

Before she could get the words out, the tears came sliding down her cheeks—big fat drops cascading down and forming little pools on the fabric of her sleeping bag.

“Rey, tell me what’s wrong,” he implored, grasping her face gently in one hand and turning her to look at him. 

She set the muffins down, hesitantly raising her eyes to look into his and blurted the first thing that came to mind. “I had a horrible fight with my stepdad. I finally gave him a piece of my mind and he’s going to Vegas for Thanksgiving.”

“Oh,” he remarked, seemingly breathing a sigh of relief, as if he knew she had so much more to say. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“What?” she blinked and wiped away some of her tears. “I don’t know. I guess? Maybe. I hate him. But it’s Thanksgiving.”

“So?” He laughed. “Spend it with my family. My mom already kinda said you and your mom should come.”

“Really?” she asked, her voice small and disbelieving. She remembered Leia’s surprised reaction the first time she’d been invited to dinner, almost as if he’d told a little white lie to get her to come. But Leia had welcomed her regardless. “Ben, are you sure? Thanksgiving is kind of a big deal I don’t want to intrude.”

“Stop that. You’re basically one of us anyway. And we always have a ton of leftovers. I know she won’t mind.”

One of us.

Or was she just another burden?

“Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“I feel like we have to talk,” she blinked and drew in a frantic breath. “About me leaving.”

“Oh.” He sat up and turned away, facing the center of the treehouse and leaned his head back against the wall. “Yeah you keep talking about your job with my parents.”

“Yeah. I’m going back in January, remember?”

“I know. I’ve just been pretending it’s not real. That you’re going to be working down the street.”

“You and me, both,” she laughed wistfully.

He turned towards her again. “Just come for Thanksgiving, okay? We still have a month and a half. You’re just upset because of your stepdad. Do we really have to talk about “us” right now?”

“I-I guess not. I don’t know, Ben.”

“Let’s just enjoy what we have. Okay, Sunshine?”

How could she say no to that smile, and that nickname? He had a point, and she was glad she wasn’t the only one watching the calendar tick down the days until they were parted. If they were both living in a fantasy world, what was the harm? They both knew it was going to end, so why not enjoy what they had left? 

“You’re infuriating, you know that?”

“I know,” he replied, breathing in her ear before licking a stripe up the side of her neck. 

“Ben!”

“Is there any room in this sleeping bag for me?” he inquired, toying with the zipper. 

“Maybe,” she teased.

She reached down and unzipped it and climbed out. Ben stood up behind her and spread it out on the floor, toeing off his sneakers off before climbing back in. “Good enough for me!” he declared, beckoning her to join him. 

She climbed in with him, and he managed to get the zipper mostly up with both of them inside, necessitating extreme closeness. 

“We should have gotten naked first,” he muttered, pawing at her waistband. 

“Ben, we’re not having sex up here.”

He gave her a puppy dog pout. “Why not?”

“It’s too risky. And it’s freezing out.”

“I’m pretty warm right now, aren’t you? Body heat, baby,” he smirked, thrusting his hips playfully.

She couldn’t stand when he was right. 

“Okay fine. Just a quickie, okay?”

He gave her a sloppy open-mouthed kiss, belying his extreme eagerness. “I like you so much,” he moaned in between swipes of his tongue as she slid his sweatpants down and freed his cock. 

“I like you so much,” she breathed in return as his hand slid into her panties and parted her slick folds.

“God, you’re so ready for me.”

Always.

“It’s too tight to get naked, unzip it,” he urged her, laving at her neck. 

“Okay. She fumbled for the sleeping bag’s zipper as he pulled her neckline down and found a nipple to suck. 

“It’s stuck.”

“Fuck, I can’t wait,” he moaned, reaching down to yank her leggings over her hips and ass roughly, somehow succeeding in the tight space. 

He rolled on top of her and managed to grab himself and slide his cock between her barely parted legs. “Fuck, you’re gonna be so tight like this. Jesus. ”

He threaded the fingers of both hands through hers, bringing them over her head and pressing them into the cold boards beneath them. With one forceful thrust he was sliding home and grinding his hips into hers. They kept their eyes locked on each other, the forced proximity somehow freeing them to be more intimate than they’d ever let themselves get before. He ground his pelvis into her mound as he fucked her slowly and gently, quickly bringing her close to her peak.

“Fuck, Ben,” she whispered, conscious that they were technically in public, even though the only folks who would be out at this hour had dogs or some weird compulsion to run on purpose. “I’m gonna come.”

He covered her mouth with his and pumped his hips even faster, each return bringing her closer to release. “Come for me,” he begged in a breathy whisper in between kisses, and she could tell he was about to explode.

She muffled her orgasmic cry into his neck as she came. He joined her shortly after, breathing in her ear, peppering her neck and jaw with small, sweet kisses that lingered longer the more he slowed his hips, stilling them as he filled her to completion.

He collapsed slightly to her side to spare her lungs from his weight and nuzzled his nose into her hair, his fingers still intertwined with hers. 

He released her hands and let her snuggle into his chest. They laid like that for a while, silently, the weight of the future hanging between them. 

She lifted her head up. “I’ll go. To Thanksgiving. I’m sure my mom will appreciate not having to be alone.”

He regarded her like she was the most perfect being in existence.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she smiled.

She just wanted to hold onto him a little bit longer. 

++++

The next day, Rey and her mom dressed up and plastered on relieved, yet still cautious smiles before they embarked across the street to the Solo house for Thanksgiving dinner. 

The greetings were warm and boisterous as usual, and wine was poured and in both of their hands within minutes. 

Her mom flirted with Han, beckoning back to their high school days when Leia and her mother were rivals—the cheerleader vs. the valedictorian/class president. Han was older and in college but only had eyes for Leia, much to Amilyn’s chagrin. But their mothers had maintained a tentative friendship over the years, even if only as neighbors who helped each other out in a pinch. 

While they were munching on cheese and crackers in the living room, and Han sipped a pumpkin ale while cheering on his team, Leia regaled them with stories of her latest journey to Iceland. Ben was nowhere to be found, but Rey just assumed he would come lumbering down the steps any moment. 

As if on cue, Amilyn blurted out “Where’s Ben?”

“Oh, he’s volunteering with the lacrosse team. He should be home any minute,” Leia informed them. 

Of course he was doing something noble.

She smiled into her wine glass, trying to hide the way he made her whole body feel warm, even though he wasn’t even in the room. 

He came home soon enough, just as Leia was ladling butternut squash soup into pumpkin shaped bowls at their beautifully decorated place settings. 

He nodded and smiled slyly at Rey and greeted her mother with a kiss on the cheek. Before she could say a word to him, Leia immediately beckoned him into the kitchen to help bring out the various platters of delicious smelling food. 

Once they were all seated, Amilyn’s eyes glowed widely at the beautifully appointed table. “How do you do it, Leia? Everything is so gorgeous!”

Leia smirked. “I didn’t cook any of it. That’s my big secret. Outsourcing.”

“Smart,” Amilyn held up her wine glass. “To women who can do it all, with a little help,” she declared. 

“Here, here,” Han echoed. “That’s my amazing wife! I’d be lost without her,” his eyes sparkled. “I’m so grateful she picked me up on the side of the road and made a real man out of me.”

“Get a room,” Ben joked and everyone descended into laughter. 

The meal was fun actually, with both Ben and Rey recounting their recent successes. Ben was well on his way to graduating with a 4.0 GPA and Rey excitedly talked about her new job, almost forgetting it was the reason that all of this was going away. But it was easy to be excited when everyone was so interested in what she had to say. 

Occasionally, she and Ben would exchange a surreptitious glance and he’d slide a hand over her knee under the table, making her blush. But she summoned all of her strength not to give their little secret up in front of their parents. 

“Okay everybody, bring your plates to the kitchen and then feel free to lounge while the frozen pumpkin pie heats up in the oven,” Leia ordered. 

As she shuffled into the kitchen with her plate, groaning from her full belly, Rey’s mom bumped her shoulder. 

“That Ben is a catch, huh sweetie?”

“Mom, what are you even talking about?” she balked, avoiding her mother’s eyes to rinse her plate and add it to the pile next to the sink.

“Don’t be coy Rey, you’re obviously smitten.”

Oh no.

“Mom, please stop.” 

Her mom looked at her like she could read her thoughts, and she knew she was done for.

“Oh, honey. Loosen up will you? He’s a little young, but who’s counting? Live a little.”

If she only knew.

She looked at her mom, knowing full well there was no point in lying. “Okay, maybe we’ve been seeing each other a little, but it’s not serious. I’m leaving in January.”

“Oh, honey, that’s fine. You don’t have to take life so seriously. No one gets out alive anyways.”

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t help but be serious. But everyone was telling her to go with it, so she was. So why did she feel like she was waiting for everything to come crashing down?

Shaking off the conversation, she followed her mom back into the living room. 

They had some delicious pumpkin pie while watching the rest of the game, and Rey chose not to sit next to Ben on the couch, even though he looked disappointed. She just couldn’t, now that the cat was part way out of the bag, and she was the worst liar in the history of the world.

When the game was over, and their plates were empty, Leia and Amilyn were suddenly nowhere to be found. 

Rey left the menfolk in the living room and went upstairs under the guise of using the bathroom. Halfway down the hall, she could hear the women speaking along with her mother’s muffled sobs. 

Rey stayed just out of the door frame and listened. 

“I know it’s hard, but you’re doing the right thing, Amilyn.”

“I just don’t know how to be alone, Leia. I’ve never stood on my own two feet.”

“But you can and you will. You have to be strong for you and your daughter. We both know you can’t stay. If you need to, you can both crash here. I’m hardly home, and Rey’s leaving soon anyway. Regardless, Han and I have your back.”

Rey stiffened at the thought of living under the same roof as Ben. There was no way. 

Amilyn sniffled and huffed a soft laugh. “No, no. I would never intrude on your family like that. It’s time I put my big girl pants on. Will you help me find a place though?”

“Of course. I’ll call our realtor first thing in the morning.”

“I can’t thank you enough for being there for my daughter and taking care of her while I sort all this out.”

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

“Leia, it’s everything—having her over for dinner all the time. Letting her work on the car. You’ve been more than neighbors to us. I appreciate it.”

“Rey’s brought us so much joy. And Ben’s grades keep improving. She’s such a good influence on him. I’ve never seen him work so hard.”

Oh Leia.

Rey braced herself for the hammer to fall but her mother kept her secret. The women talked a bit more about logistics for finding her mother a place and Rey snuck away before they could catch her eavesdropping.

She prepared herself to leave, unable to contain her swirling emotions much longer. Ben stood up when she descended the stairs, followed not long after by Leia and Amilyn.

“Thanks for a wonderful evening everyone,” Amilyn started her parting words.

“Wait, before you all go, I have some great news,” Ben insisted. “Wait here.”

He ran to the kitchen and returned with a stack of rich cream-colored papers. 

“What’s all that, kid? Love letters? You got something to tell us?” Han inquired with a loopy smile aimed directly at Rey’s peripheral vision. She hoped it was her imagination. 

She hadn’t written him anything, so it could only be-

He handed one to each of them. Four college acceptance letters. 

All in Boston.

Without trying, she started sniffling, tears forming and threatening to drop. This couldn’t be real.

“Congrats, Ben.” She looked up at him and pressed her lips together and handed the letter for Boston College back to him. “I’m, uh, feeling really tired. I think I’m gonna head home.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna turn in too. Thank you again for a lovely meal.” Amilyn said, handing his letter back with a warm smile. “Congratulations Ben, you should be so proud of yourself.”

“Thanks Mrs. H,” he replied, his eyes still on Rey. 

They said their goodbyes and put on their coats and Rey couldn’t get out of there fast enough. 

“Rey, what’s wrong sweetie?” Her mom had to practically chase her down the front lawn. “Aren’t you happy Ben is going to Boston too? I half expected you two to fess up.”

She wiped a tear and trudged slightly ahead, eager to go hide in her room. “I don’t know mom. I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Oh honey, it’s so obvious,” she said, almost pityingly. 

Rey turned abruptly on her heel just as they reached their front walkway.  

“What’s obvious?”

“You love him.”

“Mom, I can’t. He’s— I’m too old for him. He’s making a huge mistake.”

“But he wants to be with you. You can make it work. What’s the big deal?”

“It’s too much, mom. He shouldn’t follow me to Boston. He’s going to regret it, and I’m going to ruin his life!”

“Reyanne Jean, don’t be so dramatic,” her mother’s tone grew sterner. “He may be young but he’s still an adult. Have you considered that maybe this is what he wants? It’s not like you forced him to apply. He clearly did all this on his own or you wouldn’t be so upset.”

“Maybe I don’t want him to, Mom. I don’t want him to give anything up for me. Or vice versa. I need to learn to stand on my own two feet and so does he.”

“Ah, I get it now,” Amilyn laughed, looking at the ground, as the mirth faded from her eyes. “You’re afraid you’ll end up like me.”

Rey’s heart sank. “Mom, that’s not it-”

“No, no it’s fine. But I’ll leave you with this. Life isn’t all or nothing, Rey. You don’t have to sacrifice your happiness just because you’re afraid. I never regretted being with your father, or Unkar for that matter, because it led me to where I am now. I’m sorry if my choices affected you negatively in any way, I really am. But I’m still glad I made them.”

Even pain has a purpose.

She hadn’t meant to hurt her mom’s feelings, but then again, she was starting to get tired of protecting everyone’s heart but her own. Maybe it needed to be said, so they could all move forward. 

“I’m sorry mom. I didn’t mean to insult you, it’s just how I feel.”

“I’m sorry too, baby. But your life is just beginning. And you will stand on your own two feet. But it doesn’t hurt to have someone to catch you every now and then, too. Even if it’s not forever, or they’re not perfect in every way. But you’ll never know if you don’t try. If I hadn’t taken chances, I never would have had you. And I’ll never, ever regret the choices that brought you into this world.”

“Mom—” A sob caught in her throat. Her mom had been through hell and still found a silver lining. She wished she shared her optimism. 

They stood in silence for a moment and Rey shivered. Her mom reached forward to rub Rey’s arms. “Come on sweetie. Let’s go inside.”

“I’m gonna stay out here and just think for a minute okay?”

“Okay. But not too long. It’s getting colder by the second.”

Her mom trudged up the front steps and quickly closed the door behind her. 

“Did you mean all that?” Ben’s voice emanated from the darkness. 

Her eyelashes were cold from her tears as she blinked towards him, watching him slowly come into focus. 

“How much did you hear?”

“Enough.”

Chapter Text

Ben looked at her expectantly, and it was as if the temperature dropped ten degrees right then and there.

“Your mom’s right, Rey. This is what I want.”

She waved him towards her and started walking. “Let’s go to the treehouse.”

She didn’t want anyone else listening in. There had been plenty of that for one night.

Once they were safely up in their secret hideaway, they sat in the center, across from each other, the lit lantern between them illuminating their faces. The effect was almost like telling scary stories around a fire. And she’d never been more scared.

“So are you gonna chill out about Boston or what?” he inquired in his confident teen boy voice. The one that had never failed and never been hurt. 

It was exasperating.

“You’re so confident, Ben, but you don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s been fun, believe me, but what about when reality sets in?”

She couldn’t help but hear Unkar’s voice in her head. 

I feel bad for the poor sucker that ends up with you.

She would be all in, but what if he got restless or bored? He’d grow past her. He’d resent her. It was inevitable. 

She continued when he said nothing in return, just looked at her as if she had two heads. “Look, I believe that you think you want this. But maybe we should take some time apart so you can really think about it more. This is your whole future.”

“Don’t say that.” He shook his head in disbelief. “You don’t mean it.”

“I want what’s best for you. I’ve been so irresponsible and I should have known better. You’re too young to make these kinds of decisions. I’m leaving, and you can’t just rearrange your whole future to be with me.” She threw her hands up in the air. “It’s ridiculous.”

“You’re not responsible for me and I can make my own choices. Why can’t you believe me?” His voice started to crack and she was about to crack along with it. “Just be with me. Please,” he begged.

“I can't let you plan your whole life around me. What if it doesn’t work out?”

Now he seemed exasperated. “What if it does?”

Nothing had worked out for her yet. Could she really gamble on someone else’s future for a maybe ? Her mom had no regrets, but she wasn’t so willing to take chances, even with the pep talk her mom had given her. Things were just different. 

She looked down at her hands and let the tears fall into her palms, her voice trembling. “I don’t want to ruin your life.”

He scoffed. “Oh, come on. Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?”

“Does it though?” She couldn’t hide that she was crying, but maybe he needed to see how serious she was. “Think about it. It’s going to be your freshman year of college. Don’t you want to go to parties and be carefree? You really want to be locked down with someone who’s almost thirty?” She shook her head and looked down again, feeling stupid as ever. “I’ll be over thirty when you graduate.” She looked back up at him. “That doesn’t seem crazy to you?”

He looked at her briefly like he was going to argue, and then she watched slowly as the will to fight drained from him. Suddenly, a huge part of her regretted everything she’d just said, but knew it was too late to take it back.

“No, I get it. The whole ‘It’s not you, it's me’ thing.”

“Ben-”

He slowly sat up on his knees.

“It’s fine. You want space? I’ll give it to you. Sorry I’ve been so needy.”

“It’s not that-”

He stood up and stomped towards the ladder and began descending. When just his head remained peeking into the doorway, he spoke again. 

“Maybe I’m too much sometimes. But I meant everything I’ve said to you. Take all the time you need, Rey.”

He looked down again and quickly disappeared. She wondered if it was for good, and if she could live with it being all her fault. 

Instead of chasing after him, she curled her knees into her chest, laid her head down on them and sobbed. 

The hard part was over. It was for the best.

It had to be.

++++

December quickly became a blur, making it easier for her to avoid Ben without really trying, not that he was chasing her at the moment or anything. He was busy with holiday volunteering activities and final exams. Instead of decorating for Christmas like they usually did, she spent most of her time helping her mom pack up the house, as well as her own stuff in preparation for Boston. There would be nothing to come home to anymore really, so she had to take everything this time. 

Leia’s realtor found a nice one-bedroom garden apartment on the other side of town, close to where Serge lived, though they had agreed to take it slow. Her mom was determined to become more independent and Rey thought it was sweet that Serge respected her mother’s wishes. Perhaps the third time really was a charm. Amilyn found a job as a receptionist at a dentist's office and was already considering enrolling in night school to learn billing and coding. 

Rey was so proud of her mom, and it gave her the fuel she needed to do the same—start her new life and stand on her own two feet once and for all. 

She felt the sadness get a little lighter, and was especially relieved that Ben seemed to be doing okay without her, making her even more confident in her choice. 

That is, until she got a text from him one Saturday afternoon a week before Christmas.

Ben: Meet me at the golf course. Dress warm.

It couldn’t hurt. Maybe they could work towards staying friends. Leave on a better note than the one they had a few weeks ago. 

Rey: Now?

 

Ben: Yes, now. See you soon. 

She met him at the top of a hill where kids were sledding and screaming while parents looked on from their camp chairs with mugs of coffee. 

“Hey,” she greeted him, hands in her parka pockets. She’d worn a knee-length sweater dress, some fleece-lined leggings and a pair of snow boots, not sure what he’d invited her here for, exactly. But at least she was warm. 

“My mom told me about your parents. He’s really gone, huh?”

“Yeah, Unkar gave her til the end of the month to get out while he stays out in Vegas. She already found a nice apartment at least, thanks to your mom. Merry Christmas, right?”

He smiled, his eyes soft, then snapped out of it quickly into his usual impish look. He nodded his head towards a large two-person toboggan at his feet. “Hop in.”

Her eyes widened as she realized that he meant for them to go down the massive hill to her left. “Ben, no.”

“Please? Come on, just have a little fun. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna drive to Boston in it.”

Her heart panged at the mention, but he looked so excited. What harm could a little fun be? 

She nestled herself into the front and gripped the handles as he pushed her rapidly towards the precipice of the hill, picking up speed. He jumped in behind her, couching her body between his long legs and grasping his own handles as they began careening downwards. 

The wind cooled her cheeks and she closed her eyes and screamed as it picked up speed. Before she knew it, they were nearly at the bottom, and a small child began intersecting with their path. 

“Look out!” she shouted, and at the last second, he pivoted right, causing them to tumble and fall out of the toboggan, into a heap of limbs. 

She couldn’t help but let out a deep, full belly laugh at the near miss and Ben joined her, straightening himself out and partway rolling off of her. She looked up at him and his cheeks were pink, and his eyes were bright and full of joy.

He’d never looked so beautiful. 

His lips were cool at first, and then warmed to hers. He cupped her face with his gloved hand, deepening the kiss. 

“Get a room!” She heard a child exclaim and they broke apart to see a small group of ten year olds rolling their eyes and making barfing gestures with their fingers. They both laughed, and Rey sat herself up and dusted the powdery snow from her hair and the pom-pom on top of her beanie. 

He stood up abruptly and reached out his hand. “Come on.”

“I don’t think I need to do that again, I’m good.”

“Just come with me,” he insisted, that mischievous grin of his back in full force. She rarely stood a chance against it.

Perhaps her good sense had been knocked out of her by landing at the bottom of that hill, so she followed him. He held her hand tightly, as if he was sure she’d slip out of his grasp at any moment, and he led her to a small wooden building at the edge of the woods. Looking around, and confident that no one was watching them, he opened the door and led her inside.

“What is this?” 

“Gardening shed. I did some odd jobs here last summer. They never lock it.”

It smelled like sweet dried grass and motor oil. Earthy and almost soothing in a way. Like summer had never left. If she closed her eyes, she could be right back in her own garage, covered in grease from the Falcon, letting herself be seduced by a very persistent teenager once again. 

He turned around and slowly backed her up against a potting table. “Can I kiss you?”

His arms were caging her in, and he was so close. She suddenly felt too warm under her parka. “Ben we shouldn’t-”

“Please,” he implored, his eyes soft. “C’mon, Sunshine. Let me kiss you.”

She hadn’t realized how much she missed him until she was kissing him.

He’d given her space, and she’d learned to live without him, even though it hurt. But of course it felt even better to have him. She couldn’t fool herself into thinking anything different.

“Rey,” he breathed in between kisses, sliding his hands down her body and unzipping both their jackets in turn. 

“We can’t,” she protested weakly, even as she let him slide his hands up her skirt and pool it around her waist, clumsily pulling down the waistband of her leggings. 

Before she could push him away, he was on his knees, head under her skirt, tongue parting her slit, hands firm around her ass so she couldn’t escape if she wanted to. 

She didn’t want to. 

This had to be the last time. She made a solemn vow as she let herself get lost in the moment. When she came, it nearly made her cry, and she wasn’t sure if it was from pleasure or emotional overwhelm. But then he was standing again, turning her around and gently placing her elbows on top of the potting table. 

He was inside her in moments, as if he never left, his chest curved tightly over her back, as close as two people can get. He moved her hair to the side and kissed her temple and pressed his nose into her hair, inhaling deeply, as if he were memorizing her scent. 

“Sunshine,” he whispered as he came inside of her. The only piece of him she could keep, and even that was fleeting.

He kissed her softly and she turned her head away, willing herself not to sob openly. She still had to be the strong one, she knew that. 

As he zipped himself up, she righted her leggings and flattened her dress back down over her hips before turning around. 

“That was unexpected, but epic as always,” he laughed, without a care in the world. 

She stared at him, her face solemn, and his smile dropped instantly. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Ben, this has to be the last time. We really can’t keep doing this.”

“You don’t actually mean that, come on. I just thought-”

“Please, don’t make this harder than it needs to be," she interrupted him.

“Come on, I’ll be in Boston in June. I have a co-op for the summer. We’d only be apart for a few months and there's the bus. I could come visit you on weekends until I graduate.”

She laughed, incredulous. “I thought you were going to apply to other colleges. We talked about this.”

“No, you talked about it. Don’t you get it? I want to be with you.”

“Ben, no, please. Trust me. I’m just some blip on your radar, you'll forget all about me in no time, okay? Go live your life. You still have time to apply to other schools.”

“You’re really gonna say that after everything we’ve been through?” He swiped his hand through his hair. “You know, I gave you space because I could tell it’s been a lot, with your mom and stepdad everything. But you’re not a blip on my radar, Rey. I’ve loved you since I was five years old.”

She was dumbstruck.

“You what?”

He leaned back against the table, head down as he continued. “When I was five years old, I fell off my tricycle because I used to race Hux down the hill on those little scooter things that I'm pretty sure are illegal now. You ran outside and cleaned me up and gave me a band-aid.”

“I almost forgot about that,” she admitted.

“When I was eight, your choir showed up at my little league game to sing the Star Spangled Banner. You sang off-key but you were still the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. You wore a green dress that day.”

“Ben, you don’t have to-”

He cut her off. “When I was nine, you left for college. I watched your U-Haul drive away until it disappeared around the corner. I was devastated. It’s the first time I ever cried for a girl. And I swore I’d go to college too. I never got anything less than a B minus since then.”

He wasn’t stopping, so she let him speak. 

“When I was ten, you came home for Thanksgiving, and you were arguing with your parents outside, and I watched you cry through your bedroom window. I thought about killing your stepdad, but then I realized I had to go to college and be good enough for you, and murder was probably not the best choice. But I still wanted to kick his ass. So I joined sports and started lifting weights, so I could be strong for you. Every time you came home, I saw you, but you never saw me. And then one day, you were gone for good. I missed you so much, but I moved on, and I had plenty of other girls to date, and I thought I was over you. Just a childhood crush right?” 

He looked up at her and laughed, shaking his head. “And then you came back, and I was ten years old all over again. And I knew that I couldn’t let you go this time. Not without letting you know how I felt. And maybe I didn’t start off in the best way, but I don’t know, you scared me a little and I thought, there’s no way she’s gonna want me. Like, you don’t need anyone.” 

She'd never been allowed to need anyone. She wasn't sure how. 

He turned towards her, eyes glistening. “But you did want me. And you do like me. And what we have is perfect, Rey. You can’t convince me otherwise.”

She couldn’t hold back her tears now. She’d wanted him from the moment she saw him, too. That is, when she finally noticed him this past summer. He’d already been waiting so long for her to actually notice him. And now that she had, she was terrified of causing him pain. And of him truly seeing her—not just some girl he’d had a crush on since he was a kid. But someone who simply was not worth reorienting his whole future for. She’d already taken enough of his youth, hadn’t she? He deserved better. 

“I might be young but I know what love is, Rey. And I love you. Don’t tell me you don’t feel it too.”

Her body flooded with overwhelming fear and the need to escape. This was too much. Was she the only person who saw that this was heading nowhere good? Who was right—her flighty mother, an eighteen year old kid, or the voice in her head screaming ‘run’?  She didn’t know anymore, but every cell in her body told her to get out of there before it was too late. Before she trapped him in a life he didn’t really want, because he was just a kid. She couldn’t do that to him. Or to herself. 

“I’m so sorry, Ben. I really am sorry. But I just can’t. I hope you can forgive me.” 

She turned on her heel and ran, leaving him standing there in the gardening shed, amongst the old grass and the motor oil, and the memories of summers past. 

Alone.

Chapter Text

It was a few days before Christmas, and her mom was fully moved into her new place, with Rey sleeping on the couch until it was time for her to leave. Her things were already in a pod in the parking lot, ready to be shipped off to Boston. She was in the space between—in limbo, and more anxious than ever to start her new life. Anything was better than this.

She felt awful about how things had ended with Ben—the way he seemed to get his hopes up, only for her to crush him and run away. But she tried extremely hard to convince herself that it was in both of their best interests. That the path she had been leading him down would only lead to ruin.

So why did it feel like she was dying inside?  

She just missed him.

She wondered if she always would. 

“Rey, when’s the last time you got dressed, honey?” Her mom wafted past her in a full tracksuit, on her way to spend the day with Serge. “Do you want to come with us to the Christmas festival downtown? You can get something to eat, maybe pick out your gift?”

Rey paused her movie and sighed. Her mom had tried and failed several times to get her to unglue herself from the pullout bed all week. “It’s okay, Mom. I don’t really need to be the third wheel. I’ll just bum you guys out anyway.” She hadn’t gotten her mom a gift either. She’d been floating through the past week and a half, cleaning out their DVR and subsisting on mac and cheese and wine yet again, despite her mom’s best efforts. 

Her mom crossed her arms and jutted out her hip, a stance that showed she meant business. “Then he can stay home. Girl’s day. I insist.”

Rey groaned and pulled a throw blanket over her head. “Just leave me here, Mom. I’ll be out of your hair soon.”

Soon she’d be leaving, and starting her life again, and it would get a little easier to move forward. She hoped. But his number was still in her phone and she couldn't bear to delete it.

Would he even answer if she called? 

And what would she say?

I love you.

I need you.

I’ve made a terrible mistake.

Amilyn yanked the blanket off her head, breaking her freight train of torturous thoughts. “Nonsense. Go get dressed. I can’t take it anymore. You’re starting to smell a little, sweetie.” 

She then picked up her cell phone and cancelled her date with Serge, sealing Rey’s fate. 

She would feel terrible if she ruined her mom’s day for nothing. Reluctantly, she peeled herself off the bed and showered for the first time in a few days. She put on a cute outfit, a simple hunter green tunic and jeans, carefully avoiding the sweater dress she’d last made love to Ben in. She might never wear it again, maybe leave it in the donation box when she left. 

When they arrived, it was hard not to get swept up in the Christmas cheer, even if she wasn't feeling particularly festive. Kids were lined up to see Santa, and she was jealous that they had so much hope and faith in a single man to make all their dreams come true. 

They perused various stalls full of wares and her mom treated her to hot chocolate and a churro, courtesy of her new steady paycheck from the dentist’s office. Something so small yet it made Rey feel super proud of her mom. Amilyn was going to be just fine without her. 

The sun was shining and it wasn’t too cold, and for the first time in a while she started to feel light again, like a weight had been lifted. Like everything might actually be okay. 

Even pain has a purpose.

Just as she was thumbing through a rack of hand-knit scarves, Ben appeared.

And not only Ben. He was surrounded by his usual lacrosse friends but this time, he had his arm around a girl. 

A girl his age. 

A very pretty one.

She nearly dropped her hot chocolate and ran. 

He froze in his tracks momentarily when he saw her, but then laughed and whispered in the girl’s ear, his eyes still on Rey. His appropriately-aged companion giggled and slapped him playfully. He smirked and continued on, right past Rey, as if she didn’t exist. 

It hurt more than she wanted it to. But she probably deserved it. 

Ben and his date suddenly trailed away from their group and rounded the corner of Santa’s shed, and her heart dropped all the way to her feet, remembering what they'd recently done in a shed.

But he was finally free. It’s what she’d told him to do. She should be happy for him.

It was probably incredibly stupid of her to chase after him. 

She definitely shouldn’t. 

“Mom, can you hold this?” She foisted her hot cocoa cup at her mother who simply took it with a knowing smile as Rey darted after him.

She really shouldn’t be doing this. They both had made their choice. Or rather, she’d forced them to make it. But her blood was pulsing in her veins and he was with someone else and she might never have another chance to tell him that she-

There they were. 

Thankfully they weren’t kissing, but maybe they were about to. They were holding hands and leaning against the wall of the small red building side by side, and the girl was clearly into him. 

Ben turned towards Rey and looked at her like she’d kicked his nonexistent dog. Like she was a monster. And she couldn’t blame him. 

His eyes were full of pain, but he put on a good show. “Can I help you?”

Yup, this was stupid of her. Very stupid.

“Um, I’m sorry. Forget it, never mind.”

He could be happy. She should let him.

“No, you obviously have something to say to me, so say it.” He let go of the girl’s hand and stalked towards her. His date, visibly disappointed, crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Rey.

Rey felt like she had three heads, like she was out of place. And she was. And yet—

“Can we just talk privately for a minute?” she implored. She didn’t even know what she wanted to say. Maybe this was a mistake. She’d already hurt him so much, why make it worse?

“Whatever you need to say you can say in front of, um, Jessica.” He pointed backwards at his increasingly impatient date. “My new girlfriend.”

Jessica looked just as surprised as she did, but smiled coyly, fixing Rey with a “nice try” look. 

That was all she needed to hear. She felt like a complete idiot, tears already welling in her eyes. “Never mind. I'm so sorry to bother you.” 

She bolted, leaving the happy new couple be. She’d go drown herself in hot chocolate and her own tears and never annoy him again. 

“Rey, wait!” 

For some strange reason, he followed her back into the melee of the Christmas fair, with throngs of people streaming around them. 

She whipped around to face him, and suddenly he was right in front of her, looking down at her like she wasn’t some great disappointment, but that she still held all of his hope in her hands. 

“Say what you were going to say, and then you can go,” he spoke just loud enough for her to hear above the din of carnival games and children’s joyful screams. The world around them blurred. 

“I don’t even know what I was going to say. It's just- You look so good with her and I shouldn't have even- Anyway, I’m happy for you two.” Her lower lip trembled uncontrollably and her eyes brimmed with tears.

He narrowed his eyes. “No, you’re not.” He shook his head and the corner of his lip quivered upwards, just as she started to cry for real. Why was he smiling at a time like this?

“No really. This is good. It’s really good. It's-I'm okay.” She was essentially sobbing. “I’m fine.”

Now he was almost grinning, that mischievous, infuriating confident teen boy grin. 

Even though he’d been hurt.

Even though he’d failed at something.

Only, he hadn’t. Not really. Because they were both here, right now.

“No, you’re not.” 

“No.” She sniffled, shaking her head, speaking even as her voice began to shake on the edge of the deepest sob. “No. I’m not. I’m miserable, Ben. I’m so sorry for everything.” 

Now she was babbling. Probably incoherent. His little lacrosse gang were probably standing somewhere nearby having a good laugh at how pathetic she was being. 

But she had nothing left to lose. Except Ben. And he was still here. And he was still looking at her like that.

“And I do love you, Ben. So much. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. Like, when I let you go? Oh, God.” 

She paused, remembering the past week where she felt like she was missing half of her soul. “It felt like the right thing to do. But how could it be right when it felt like a piece of me died and I’d never get it back? Because you showed me what it meant to count on someone, Ben. Really count on them. You’ve never let me down. Not once.” She paused, lowering her head to avoid that all-encompassing gaze. “I-I don’t know if I’ll ever be worthy of that. But I can’t bear to lose you and—“

He lifted her chin with his fingers and silenced her with a kiss, ensconcing her in his arms and lifting her off of her feet. Her hands hovered just above his shoulders until he set her back down on the ground, and then she couldn’t keep her hands off of him anymore, wrapping her arms around his neck instead. 

“Say it again,” he breathed when their lips finally parted, eyes wide and sparkling.

“Which part?” she hiccuped, feeling the tears cool on her cheeks.

“You know which part, Sunshine.”

“I love you, Ben.”

“That’s the one.” He kissed her again and then kissed each of her cheeks, wetting his lips with her tears before pressing his forehead and nose to hers.

And then he swiped his thumbs over both her cheeks, and she knew that she’d finally made the right choice. 

There was no other option, really. It took almost losing him for good for it to finally hit her like a ton of bricks. 

How much she loved him. Needed him. Wanted him.

When she caught her breath, he was suddenly lowering himself to the ground. Was he hurt or something?

“Ben, what are you-”

He pulled a small, black velvet box out of his pocket. 

Her blood rushed in her ears, her vision starting to black out at the edges. She was ready to take the next step, just not this one. Without another thought, she closed both her hands over his and helped pull him back up to standing. 

“Ben. No, no no. Stand up. Please.”

“What, why?” 

“Not like this. Let's just take it slow okay? We’ll start with Boston.” 

“Okay. Yeah, I can do that.” His face broke into a wide grin. “Boston.”

He kissed her again, and suddenly people were cheering, even though he hadn’t actually made it through his proposal. 

But there were still plenty of reasons to celebrate. 

Her mom walked over to them and handed them each a new cup of hot cocoa. “Cheers, kids,” Amilyn smiled broadly, winking at Ben. 

Rey couldn’t help but smile along with her. 

Amilyn bid them adieu them with a nod and headed off to meet Serge by the popcorn stand, leaving her alone with Ben. 

The lanes of busy festival goers still swirled around them, people bumping into them occasionally. 

“Do you have to go with your friends? I can catch up with you later if you want.” She still felt like she was on shaky ground. Like she at least owed him some space to come back to her in his own time. She’d done all she could to push him away, now she just wanted to make him as happy as he’d made her with his forgiveness.

“Are you kidding? I’m not letting you out of my sight,” he growled, wrapping an arm around her waist and squeezing, making her squeal as he placed a gentle kiss atop her head. “Your treehouse or mine, sweetheart?”

“You don’t have a treehouse, Ben,” she laughed, leaning into him as the strolled.

“It’s me. I’m the treehouse. You can climb me and stay up as long as you want,” he joked, pulling her close as they started to walk through the crowd towards the exit. 

“Tempting," she chuckled. "I don’t know, it’s kind of cold. I guess we can go back to my mom’s? I’ll bet money she’s not coming home tonight. And I’m not quite ready to face your parents yet.”

“Understandable. My parents might be nice to you or something,” he teased her. 

She peered up at him, her eyes welling again. “They're so nice Ben. All of you are. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve it.”

He paused, pulling her out of the flow of traffic against a small white fence looped with ribbons to resemble candy canes. Rubbing his hands over both her arms, he looked into her eyes in a way that was almost mesmerizing. Like she could trust that whatever he said next was going to be the absolute truth. 

“You, Rey Niima, deserve the world. My life is better with you in it, okay? You think you don’t deserve me, but I’ve spent my whole life trying to be worthy of you. You’re my reason. You’re my dream girl. My brilliant, beautiful dream girl. I love you so much.” 

“Ben,” she whimpered, on the edge of crying again. “I love you so much.”

“Let’s go,” he urged, pressing his body into hers. “I’m already hard.”

She laughed, standing up on her toes to kiss him. 

“Okay, but you’re not sleeping over.”

They practically ran to the Falcon, hand in hand, and she felt giddy and weightless.

They were in love and there was nothing holding them back. 

++++

She could barely fit her key in the lock with Ben at her back, hands roaming all over her body, pawing at her breasts and thrusting his hips into her ass. 

“Will you calm down? We’re almost inside,” she admonished him, breathing a sigh of horny relief when the key finally turned and the door to her mother's apartment swung open. 

He started pulling her purse and coat from her shoulders as soon as they were inside and she let them drop carelessly in the entryway as he backed her up to the pullout couch that had been her home for the past few weeks. 

“This is where you're sleeping? You sure your mom isn’t coming home?” he inquired as he pulled her tunic over her head and tossed it to the floor.

“I texted her on the way over. She’s not coming home,” Rey panted in between kisses, clumsily unclasping her bra and watching him peel his shirt over her head as she grew increasingly desperate to have his skin on hers. 

They kicked their shoes off and removed their own jeans in a hurry, watching each other with hungry eyes as the familiar expanses of skin revealed themselves. 

“You’re so fucking hot,” he practically snarled, grabbing her by the hips and sliding his hands down the back of her panties as he thrust his boxer-clad erection into her center and laved at her neck. Her nipples hardened against the hot skin of his muscular chest. 

“You’re so fucking hot,” she repeated, hooking her fingers in the waistband of his boxer briefs and clumsily pulling them down until they caught on his erection. He rolled his hips into hers and backed her up until her legs hit the side of the mattress of the couch bed. It was still pulled out from where she’d been practically living on it like a hermit, sleeping most of the days away in between viewings of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and crying. 

She couldn’t erase the memories of the pain they'd been through, but she was about to make much better ones, starting right now.  

Lips locked, they fumbled their way onto the bed into a wild nest of unmade sheets, spare blankets, and throw pillows with heartfelt sayings like Home is Where Your Mom Is, Ben managed to wriggle out of his boxers a little more and Rey hooked a foot in the center of them, pushing them all the way down to his ankles so he could kick them onto the floor.  

“I can’t wait,” he groaned impatiently, reaching between them to yank the gusset of her panties to the side and slide his thick fingers through her abundant slick. She would be embarrassed by the sloppy wet noises his fingers were making, if she wasn’t so turned on. 

“Want you inside me right now,” she moaned in between laps of their swirling tongues. It was like they were trying to devour each other, get so close they could merge into one being and pass through each other, forever changed on the other side, a piece of the other within them always.

She reached down and grabbed the base of his cock, working his foreskin up and down his shaft with a few brief pumps, but he was already rock solid and leaking at the tip. Shifting her hips, she guided him toward her entrance and slid his head back and forth, coating it in her arousal and easing his path as he slowly thrust his hips forward. 

The stretch was exquisite - a rapturous homecoming. Tears of ecstatic joy pricked at her eyes as they watched each other with wonder, mouths parted with pleasure. 

“Fuck, Rey,” he whispered, and their lips met again, this time soft and sweet, the kind of kisses with lingering, needy presses when you never want to let someone go, never say goodbye. 

He pressed his forehead to hers and braced his elbows on either side of her head, leaving enough space between their bodies so that when she looked down, she could watch the beautifully agonizing sight of him sliding in and out, over and over again. 

Nestling his face in her neck, giving her little soft licks and plush kisses, he made love to her at a steady pace, ramping up her pleasure so gradually, until the pressure was almost too much to bear. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and canted her hips up, seeking even more closeness, scraping softly at his shoulders, threading her fingers through his hair and kissing his cheeks and temple. 

He propped himself up and she cupped his face gently, mouth parted in a silent scream as he began moving faster, fucking into her harder now, both of them getting closer to the edge. 

“I love you. So much. So, so much,” he crooned, eyes soft and searching hers before pressing his lips together in concentration and grunting as he thrust his hips in a relentlessly pleasurable rhythm. 

“I love you so much. So fucking much, Ben. Feels so good. I love you,” she babbled in return. 

He paused briefly, propping himself up to his knees and yanking her hips upward to keep himself inside, pulling her legs up to rest on his chest, her calves framing his face. At this new angle, the pressure was mind-numbing, making her eyes roll back into her head. After a few sloppy thrusts, he dropped one leg down to the bed, spreading her wide and reached down to press smooth, steady circles into her clit. 

“Oh, fuck!” she cried out. “Ben, please!”

“You like that, huh? I’m gonna make you come ten times, baby. Come for me. I’m just fucking getting started.”

“Ten?!” she yelled as his hand sped up, shaking back and forth as he maintained pressure on her clit and pounded her g-spot with his cock. 

“At least,” he laughed. “I love you so much, Rey.”

“So much,” she whimpered. “So m-much, oh God!” 

She came with a full body shudder, legs shaking uncontrollably as he hooked his hands underneath both her thighs. Keeping them spread wide, he regained a steady rhythm, sheer concentration on his face. 

Regarding him with hooded eyes, blissed out and core still throbbing with the aftershocks of her release, she had never felt more content, more happy, more sure as to how she felt about him.

As he threw his head back and stilled his hips, groaning as he came, she couldn’t help but cry tears of joy. 

She really did love him so much. 

He collapsed forward, peppering her chest and neck with kisses, then her jaw, cheeks, nose, forehead, and finally her mouth before rolling to the side with a satisfied growl of a sigh. 

She turned her head, which was the only part of her body she felt qualified to move at the moment and smiled, letting her happy tears roll down her face and land on the sheets. 

“You have a little something-” he said softly. 

He reached over and thumbed at her cheek, wiping those tears away.   

It’s what he’d said to her the first time he’d ever touched her, swiping car grease off of her cheek.

And then he’d changed her life.  

She grabbed hold of his wrist and held it there. 

“I love you, Ben.” 

“I love you too, Sunshine,” he smiled wistfully. 

She kissed his knuckle and held his gaze for a few minutes longer, just enjoying the fact that he was here. He was here, and he called her Sunshine.

“So, ten huh?” she marveled. 

“One down, nine to go,” he winked. 

“I don’t know that seems like a lot maybe-”

Before she could finish, he was on top of her again, pinning her wrists with one hand and kissing his way down her body, making her squeal as he ripped off her panties.

Ben never backed down from a challenge. 

Chapter Text

Han and Leia were the least surprised of all, exchanging knowing glances when Rey and Ben came clean at Christmas dinner. Amilyn and Serge had joined them for the holiday as well, and for the first time in her life, she felt like she was part of a real family—like it might actually be permanent—even if she insisted that Ben leave the ring with his parents until they gave Boston a try. 

All together, her newly formed family unit helped her move her things into her new place, one she shared with a roommate, just to lessen the pressure of surviving on her own. Since she’d fallen for Ben, she hadn’t really had to do that anymore anyway. He’d been there for her all along, and so had his parents. Her mom had been there too, finally, in just the way she needed her, at exactly the right time. 

While she waited for Ben to come to Boston on his own, she threw herself into her new job, making new friends and relishing the chance to be creative again. She put in a ton of hours, causing the time in between Ben’s bi-monthly visits to fly by. 

When he stayed in her tiny twin bed, it reminded her of the sleeping bag in the treehouse, and they still kept themselves quiet, so she didn’t get kicked out of her apartment. But walking through the streets with him hand in hand, without a lick of shame was thrilling. And while a tiny nagging voice told her it was just a dream, and she’d wake up soon, she never did. He kept coming back, and he never wavered in his devotion. 

He moved into his dorm at MIT on a sunny Thursday in June, and she helped him unpack. She’d tried to convince him to go anywhere else, but he’d insisted on being as close to her as possible. She also tried not to feel pangs of jealousy when a group of cool looking girls and guys stopped by and invited him to a party in their suite later that night. She feigned sleepiness and an early start at work, giving him space to enjoy his new life at college.

He still showed up at her apartment around one am, begging to be let up and cuddled her until the morning, never leaving until he had to start his co-op the following Monday. 

Both work and school got busier for them once September hit, and their marathon weekend sleepovers were no longer possible, but they made time for date nights on weekends. She avoided his dorm, feeling every bit her now twenty-eight years of age every time she stepped onto his part of the campus, the one filled with younger co-eds throwing frisbees and handing out frat party fliers. 

If he showed up late for their dates, or asked if she wouldn’t mind if he went to a party that weekend and if they could go to brunch the next morning instead, only to sleep off his hangover and cancel altogether, the little nagging voice inside her would grow louder. 

They went home for Thanksgiving, and got to be a real couple out in the open finally, but she couldn’t help but be reminded of all the times they almost hadn’t made it, mostly because of her doubts and insecurities. The past year had been incredible, and she had no regrets really. But did he?

She looked over at her old house through the Solos’ front window. It was now occupied by a newer, hopefully happier family. 

“Hey,” he approached her from behind, wrapping his arms around her. “This is your home now.”

And she did her best to believe him.

++++

Nearer to Christmas, Ben was getting busier, having ambitiously chosen a double-major in Engineering and Computer Science, and supposedly hell bent on getting an internship in her lab. She’d told him she couldn’t be perceived as helping him, and they’d have to hide their relationship at work—especially since he might end up working for her. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he’d teased her. “Imagine us banging in the lab with all the beakers and bunsen burners though.”

“It’s not that kind of lab, Ben. Besides that is definitely against all of our major safety codes,” she giggled as he pressed her into the wall of her bedroom. 

“Whatever, just go with it,” he’d laughed before turning them both around and fucking her standing her up for the third time that day. He’d been hitting the gym more than usual and his thighs were made of steel now. She didn’t know where he got his energy from, and remembered he was only nineteen, a fact she usually tried not to think too much about anymore. 

They traveled home again for Christmas together, and Leia insisted that Rey stay at their house instead of their mother’s. Amilyn had moved in with Serge by now and it did feel weird for Rey to stay with the recently eloped newlyweds, so she finally acquiesced. 

It was strange staying in the room where he’d first wowed her with his exhibitionist display that fateful night over a year ago. After their first encounter, she’d always insisted on not getting (too) freaky at his house out of guilt, but now there was no real reason to avoid it. 

He threw himself back on his king-sized bed and waved her towards him. “C’mere, sexy,” he beckoned her, and she felt pulled by a string to him in spite of herself. It wasn’t like she was going to sleep on the floor. 

“I think we should just cuddle tonight,” she insisted, crawling towards him on the bed.

“You don't mean that,” he balked. “Come on, we know how to be quiet.”

“I don’t know. It’s just kind of awkward with your parents down the hall.”

“Rey, I think they know by now.”

She sat up. “Really? How do they know we’re not saving ourselves?”

“For what, marriage?” He sat up as well. “I could fix that assumption, very easily,” he waggled his eyebrows and grabbed her left hand, massaging her ring finger with his thumb.

She tried pulling it away but he wouldn't let go. “Don’t even think about it, Benjamin,” she laughed nervously. 

“What, we gave Boston a try, what more do you need?”

She looked down at their joined hands. What more did she need? A year? Five? But she wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready to ask him to sign his life away for her. 

“You’re still so young, Ben. You won’t even be able to legally drink at our wedding. Just—I don't know. Let’s wait til you graduate, maybe?”

He lifted her chin with his forefinger, forcing him to look at her. “If you think there is anything I don’t know and love about you already, I don’t think three years is going to change that. But I know what I want, so it’s no big deal for me to wait.”

He peeled off his t-shirt and tossed it to the floor, flopping back on the bed and folding his hands behind his head, showing off his massive biceps.

She smiled nervously. Three years was plenty of time for him to change his mind about her—about them—but at least he was willing to wait for now. And at least he wasn’t hurt by her trepidation. That made her feel slightly better; lessened the weight of his world on her shoulders. 

“Can we have sex anyway?” He grinned charmingly, raising one eyebrow and reaching up to stroke his finger down her arm. 

She rolled her eyes. “Just a quickie, okay? And let’s try to keep it quiet.”

He slowly slid his body down onto the bed and pulled at her sleep shorts with a smirk. “I’ll try not to make you come too hard, then.”

++++

Christmas morning was the most joyful one she’d had since she was a kid, with everyone gathered around the tree. Mom and Serge returned from their love nest to join them for brunch.

Ben gave her a beautiful silver locket with a picture of them in it, of course, and proudly fastened it around her neck. She gave him a business card holder and a monogrammed leather-bound notebook for his upcoming internship.

She gave both of their parents a gift certificate to a couple’s spa, courtesy of her newly lucrative position at the MIT lab. Amilyn gifted her and Ben with matching silk pajamas, with their monograms on the pocket. It made her blush uncontrollably. Han and Leia got them tickets to the Boston Pops Orchestra and a restaurant gift certificate. 

After brunch, Leia asked Rey to help her carry some of the extra serving platters to the upstairs storage closet. 

As she absentmindedly handed Leia a snowman-covered ceramic dish, Leia let out an amused little laugh. “Hmm,” she added for effect. 

“What’s up,” Rey asked curiously.

Leia unzipped a long red garment bag and pulled out fistfuls of tulle, shimmering with sequins and crystals. “My wedding dress,” she remarked with feigned casualness, eyes aglow as she looked at Rey with a barely concealed longing.

“It’s beautiful,” Rey remarked, though her heart started to beat faster. 

“It was my mother’s. She always had the best taste. I couldn’t bear to let it go.”

“I don’t blame you,” Rey huffed a nervous little laugh. 

Please don’t.

“Unless you wanted it, of course.”

“Leia, I-”

“Oh, honey,” Leia smiled warmly. “Benny’s loved you since he was a little kid. And I didn’t want to bring this up, but I know he’s had my mother’s ring in his pocket for months.”

How could she forget? He’d already tried to propose multiple times. But Rey couldn’t help but sniffle. Either because it felt too good or it felt like far too much. The Solos were unusually skilled at overwhelming her.

“I’m sorry, sweetie, it’s too much pressure. I shouldn’t have said anything. I just know that Ben’s the most determined person I’ve ever met, even more than his father, and once he’s made his mind up, good luck changing it.”

“I just. I worry about you know—“ She had to force herself to say it. “I’m so much older than him. Doesn’t it bother you? Even a little?”

She scoffed, waving her hand dismissively. “Oh, of course not dear. Han is older than me. I was only seventeen when we met. Age is nothing but a number sweetie. You two are perfect together. I see the way you look at each other.”

Rey wiped a tear away with the back of her hand. 

Leia waved her hand and started stuffing the dress back into the bag. “Anyway, don’t let me make you feel worse. You two have plenty of time to see where this goes.” 

“I hope so,” Rey responded warily.

“And I hope you know that we’ll still be here for you, no matter what happens,” Leia reassured her as she closed the closet.

“You don’t have to say that,” Rey replied.

“I can say what I want,” Leia chuckled. “You’re family, even if things don’t work out. We love you, sweetie. And we love your mom. That’s forever.”

“I love you too,” she croaked. She meant it. She loved this ridiculously insistent, overbearing, chock full of love family with all of her heart.

Leia led her back downstairs and they played board games and had leftovers for dinner. Rey had to return early for work, so Ben dropped her off at the bus station, as he’d promised Leia to help take down the tree and lights before he left. 

On the bus ride home, she contemplated what it would mean to say yes, and what it would mean to keep saying no. How many times would he let her reject his hand in marriage before he finally gave up?

She absentmindedly toggled to her phone and came across an email from work declaring that Ben had been assigned as one of the new interns on her team. Fear coursed through her, making her wonder if she should come clean about their relationship or simply try to find another job. The last thing she’d ever want to do is put his future in jeopardy. Not after all he’d already sacrificed for her. 

The following week passed by and Ben was home just in time for New Year’s. She feigned busyness and insisted he take up his friends on their offer to celebrate at the nearest frat house.

He reluctantly gave in and went out to party with his new crew, one she’d avoided meeting despite his many offers. Part of her was sad to not be celebrating, and the other part of her was relieved to have some space to consider what to do about work. She fired up Netflix and turned on Eternal Sunshine, contemplating if Clementine had been right to try to spare Joel from her incessant drama after all. 

Just as the closing credits were rolling and she was sobbing into a tissue, she heard Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes blasting outside her window. 

She chalked it up to New Year’s shenanigans and wiped her tears, until several tiny pebbles hit her windowpane in rapid succession.

Walking to the window, cautiously, she laughed when she saw it was Ben, in a brown trench coat, holding a Bose speaker over his head. 

She opened the window and a gust of frigid air blew in, making her pull her blanket tighter over her shoulders. “What in God’s name are you doing, Benjamin Solo?”

“I don’t know, I saw it on Tiktok. It’s almost midnight, open your door!”

“Wait, you’ve never seen Say Anything?"

“What’s that? Let me in. I want my kiss!”

The clock struck midnight moments after he came upstairs, and it was the sweetest kiss she thought she’d ever had in her life. Like he wanted her more than anyone, and anything. And no frat party was going to stand in his way. Or any obstacle for that matter. 

When they made love, it was the sweetest that it had ever been. They both seemed to savor it, no competitive orgasm achievement in sight. 

Things were good. Things were working. For a little while, she was able to let go, and simply enjoy what they had together. 

In the warm afterglow of their multiple orgasms, Ben scooped a few locks of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. He was looking at her like she was made of candy or something.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked quizzically. “Do I have something on my face?”

“Marry me.”

“Ben,” she laughed. “Stop.”

“I mean it,” And she could tell by his face he wasn’t kidding. “Marry me.” 

Luckily there was no ring box in sight. 

Part of her wanted to say yes, but the email—the one saying he was essentially working for her now—loomed in her mind. 

“Get any interesting emails lately? And yes I am changing the subject,” she asked playfully, attempting to break the spell.

“Maybe,” he grinned. “Can I call you boss now? Boss lady? Mrs. Boss Lady?”

“Ben. Not to be party pooper but it’s definitely a conflict of interest. I think I should put in for a transfer.”

He kissed her cheek. “No, no it’s fine. I’ll ask to report to someone else. They don’t have to know we’re together, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“I mean, a little. It could be seen as favoritism. Thank you for understanding. I just want this to go well for you. For both of us.”

“I would never put your job in jeopardy, you know that right? Your career is important to me too.”

“I really don’t deserve you.”

“Nonsense.”

He then told her exactly how much she deserved him, with his tongue. 

++++

They were eating Thai takeout on her living room floor and reviewing his flashcards for an upcoming exam in March when he gave her some big news. Ben had been an incredible asset to the lab during the spring semester, and had been given a guaranteed job offer upon graduation. In the meantime, he’d have a solid internship, only it would have to be on Rey’s team. For the next three years. 

She swallowed, stuck her chopsticks in her pad thai container and set it on the coffee table amongst the highlighters and notebooks.

“We’ll have to come clean now. Maybe I can get transferred to another lab. This is huge. I don't want to ruin this for you.”

His smile faded and he stood up, pacing back and forth before glaring at her. “Rey. Come on. When are you finally gonna stop that?”

She stood up as well, following his anxious movements. “Stop what?” 

He paused with one hand on his hip, the other gesturing his frustration. “Assuming you're going to ruin everything for me. That’s never been true before and it’s not now.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Ben, this is a big deal. Don’t be naive. You’ve worked so hard for this. You can’t be on my team. Everyone will find out and you could get in trouble and blow your job offer and-”

He blew out a breath and stared directly at her. “Sunshine, please. I’m really getting tired of proving to you how much I love you.” He actually looked angry and it forced her to listen. “Don’t you get it?” He threw both hands up. “You are my whole fucking world and you aways have been. What is it going to take?” 

She was dumbfounded. She was just looking out for him.

“I’m sorry, Rey, I’m just-” 

He blew out a long breath and pulled his phone out of his pocket, quickly thumbing at the keyboard. She heard the telltale swooping sound of an email being sent.

“What did you just do?”

“I sent an email to HR.”

“You sent an email. To HR,” she repeated robotically.

He held out his phone for her to read the screen.

To whom it may concern:

 

I am writing to formally declare a serious romantic relationship with Rey Niima. I am requesting to be transferred to another department or lab on campus per the employee relationship policy. 

 

Respectfully,

 

Benjamin Solo

 

Sweet, and infuriating. 

He tossed his phone onto the coffee table, and dropped to one knee, pulling out the small black velvet box before she could protest again. She watched in slow motion as he opened it, looking up at her like she was still his sun, moon and stars, even though she was sure she’d finally driven him off the deep end. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry she’d ever laid eyes on, and he was the most beautiful human she’d ever laid eyes on. Not just because he was cute, and had that gorgeous crooked smile and those endlessly deep brown eyes, but because he was Ben.  

Her Ben, who had loved her since he was five years old. 

He’d never given up on her, not once. 

He’d let her stand on her own two feet, but he’d been there to catch her too. 

Without knowing why, she glanced past him at the window overlooking her street, and a beam of sunlight was shining directly on him, and the ring, making it sparkle and cast rainbows all around the room. 

She knew without a doubt how much she wanted him—needed him. And that he was it for her, and that nothing could ruin that, not even her.

“Rey-”

“Yes,” she interrupted him. “My answer is yes.”

“Good,” he smiled, pulling the ring out of the box as he stood up again.

“Good?” she laughed. 

Before she could say another word, the ring was on her finger, and his lips were on hers. 

++++

They got married the following May, surrounded by close family and friends, in the Boston Public Garden. Pink petals rained down on them from the surrounding cherry blossom trees as they sealed their vows with a kiss. 

HR had hardly blinked an eye before granting him the requested transfer to another team. Ben turned out to be an absolute phenom at the lab, getting increasingly more responsibility, and she was grateful to be able to watch him from afar, no longer worried whether or not she was “ruining his life.” 

Far from it, as he reminded her every day. Because he never did anything he didn’t absolutely want to. She finally learned to have faith in his choices, but mostly in him. Her Ben.

Their robotics teams joined forces the following year, and he was on track to graduate early, having taken extra classes over the summer, while still working at the lab. 

As the years went on, they both pursued their PhDs, supporting each other through grad school and even founding their own lab. The hardest part of working together was when someone tried to get either of their attention by saying “Dr. Solo.”

Her dream of finding the ideal partner to make great discoveries with was finally coming true. She’d never imagined he would come in the form of a young, cocky, jock named Ben nine years her junior, but here they were.

Years later, even when they’d had all their babies, and had won the Nobel Prize in Robotics together, she still couldn’t believe it. 

He’d broken down every single wall around her heart, and it had all started when she saw him through her window. Now instead of those walls, her heart was full of windows—full of light and love. 

He’d always believed in everything that was possible for both of them, and that had been more than enough. 

In fact, it was all she’d ever needed.