Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lightning cracks across the sky, thunder joining the rain in a violent symphony against the windows of the Carisi family home.  Inside, the residents are quiet observers to the raging storm just outside their four walls. There’s peace in the near silence; there’s no voices, only the thunder and rain, the sound of Mrs. Carisi putting away dishes and the faint hum of the television on in the other room where only Mr. Carisi has retired. Rafael Barba almost felt like an intruder in what is undoubtedly a routine, a pocket where time and conversation don’t matter. He looks down at the mug he’s cradling between his hands, watches the steam slowly billow out the top. He’s not exactly one for late night coffee, but Mrs. Carisi made a pot because it was cold and said it would be a shame for it all to go to waste, so he took some. The man beside him seems content with just observing the rain as it pelts the glass door in the kitchen, his own empty cup just off to the side of him by his elbow. Rafael worries if he gets up too quickly he’ll knock it to the floor.

He considers taking a sip (there isn’t enough creamer) when Sonny stands. 

“I’m heading up to bed, you coming?” 

Rafael looks up at him, “You go ahead, I’m just going to finish this cup and I’ll meet you.” 

“Okay.” Is all Sonny says before leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of his lover’s head. 

He says goodnight to his parents before rounding the corner and heading up the stairs, leaving Rafael alone with the silent sounds. Now’s your chance he thinks, his heart rate kicking up a few notches with just the thought of it. He knows he just needs to bite the bullet, for both his and Sonny’s sake, but he’s so goddamn nervous . Once you get to a certain point in life you stop thinking about how you’ll need to do certain things, like for example asking your boyfriend’s parents if you can marry him. It’s stupid, really, that something as simple as this can get such a reaction out of him internally. He’s been face to face with what some would call the scum of the earth, the worst, most evil kind of people. And yet his heart pounds when he thinks about a single conversation with a nice couple from Staten Island. 

He takes a deep breath, and then a healthy chug of the still bitter coffee (which now he’s wishing was some form of alcohol) before standing. He makes his way over to the sink, where Mrs. Carisi (though, he has earned the right to call her Tessa) is wiping down the counters. 

He moves in front of the sink, sticking the cup under the facet as he turns it on, rinsing it, “Thank you for the coffee, Mrs. Carisi.” 

She pats his arm with what he hopes is a fond eye roll, “Tessa. And don’t you sweat it. I should be thanking you for taking it.” 

He smiles at her, and she easily returns it. His brain notes that her son has the same smile. After a beat of silence he works up the courage to speak again.

“Hey, I have something that I would like to ask you, well, you and Mr. Carisi. If that’s alright?” 

There’s a shift in her expression, but it settles into a soft look, the one only mothers can do. “Of course, anything you need.” 

She walks him into the living room, and he tries to get his breathing under control. As they cross the threshold, Tessa nudges, then shakes, Dominick Sr. to wake him from where he’d fallen asleep in his recliner. Rafael shoves his hands in his pockets as he waits for the older man to wake himself up, Tessa explaining to him that ‘Rafael has something he wants to ask us’. 

Tessa sits in her own reclining chair, and to avoid feeling like he was giving a presentation, Rafael decides to sit on the coffee table. 

“What’s on your mind, son?” Dominick Sr. asks, putting his chair down. 

Rafael sighs, putting his hands together between his legs, leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs. “You all have been so welcoming, and I just wanted to say how much I have appreciated that. I was hoping, with your blessing, that I could become a more permanent member of your family by allowing me to marry Sonny, if you’ll have me.” 

He looks between them, trying to appear calmer than he feels. He’d be lying if seeing the tears gathering in Mrs. Carisi’s eyes made his want to do the same. 

Mr. Carisi sighs, leaning forward in his own chair, gripping his knees. “Ya know, having three daughters I expected my fair share of men asking for their hands in marriage. Never did I expect for one to be asking for my only son.” 

Rafael took his own deep breath, his heart pounding in his chest like the rain against the house outside. And, not for the first time, he’s thankful for his years of experience of keeping his emotions in check in the courtroom. Well, most of the time. 

“That being said, out of all the men it could've been, I’m glad it’s you, Rafael Barba.” 

Something like relief fills Rafael’s chest, something warm and sparkling. It’s not that he thought they would say no, he loves Sonny’s parents and he was fairly certain they feel similarly. Sure, they weren’t the most thrilled when the two of them started dating, the tension clear when he first brought Rafael around. To this day he’s thankful for Bella and Tommy, both of them making sure he felt welcomed at that first family gathering he was invited to. It was hot, Fourth of July weekend he’s pretty sure, and he remembers spending most of it in the kitchen. People were in and out of the house, kids splashing around in the pool in the back, the older relatives settled in the living room. Sonny was kind enough not to venture too far from him, to leave him floundering in unfamiliar waters, especially when a couple of Sonny’s aunts roped him into conversation. Sonny’s mother was unsure of him, of his motives. It probably didn’t help that none of their kids have landed the best partners. His father tried his best to make conversation with him, but he couldn’t really find anything for them to really discuss outside of his work. 

Now, though, Dom Sr. talks to Rafael about anything and everything, and is always keen to hear his opinion on whatever bottle of scotch or whiskey he bought. Tessa often ropes him into helping her in the kitchen, cutting, stirring, cleaning. He never complains, happy to work alongside her while they share stories (and yes most of them are about Sonny). 

Rafael swallows around a sudden lump in his throat. “So, can I take that as a yes?” 

Mrs. Carisi huffs out a teary laugh, “Yes, Rafael, you may marry him.” 

He lets that relief that has been sitting in his chest out in a sigh. Mrs. Carisi stands, and pats his cheek. “Make him happy.”

“I will.” 

He looks towards Mr. Carisi who just gives him a nod, “You’re good for him.” 

Rafael nods, unable to stop the smile making its way across his lips, “Thank you.” 

He stands then, and bids them both goodnight, Tessa’s tears slipping past her eyeline as she waves him off. He heads to Sonny’s childhood bedroom, a room that seems frozen in time. The shelves above his dresser still hold little league medals, a couple rocks he collected, and the family photo hasn’t been updated since Sonny was in middle school. The only real change is that they swapped his twin bed for a queen. 

Thunder rolls overhead, and Rafael finds Sonny sitting up in bed, reading some old and tattered book, pillows against his back.

“You look like an old man.” 

Sonny looks away from his book with a frown, “Says the nearly fifty year old looking into getting readers.” 

Rafael wrinkles his nose, “I am not. Also, dick, I thought you’d be asleep.” 

Sonny gives him a faint smile, “I was gonna, but I wanted to wait for you.” 

Rafael rolls his eyes, ignoring the warmth that statement sent to his belly. He quickly changes, ignoring the feeling of Sonny’s eyes on him. He climbs into bed next to his partner, turning off the bedside lamp in the process. Sonny puts the book on the nightstand. 

“How was the rest of the coffee?” 

The question is asked to the darkness, Rafael not even having fully settled into bed yet, “What?” 

“The coffee? The one you insisted on finishing?”

He nearly forgot about that. “Oh, right, sorry. It was fine, needed more creamer.”

Sonny snorts. “Of course it did.” 

They lapse into a silence, the room filling the blanks with the soft pratter against the windows, the thunder having quieted to a distant rumble. He listens to Sonny’s soft breaths, the soft rise and fall of his chest and stomach. He’s suddenly hit with the realization that this is where he belongs. There’s that weight that settles between his ribs, warm and heavy. He never wants to let this go.

He presses a kiss to Sonny’s jaw, “I love you. You know that, right?”

Sonny turns to face him, and though he can’t make out all of his features in the dark, he can perfectly imagine those baby blues giving him that soft, sappy look, “Yeah, Raf, I do.” 

Sonny leans forward and kisses him, Rafael quickly returning it, “I love you, too.” Sonny whispers. 

“Just making sure.” Rafael says before kissing him again. Sonny hums into it. 

Yeah, this is where he wants to be. It’s where he’s meant to be.

Chapter Text

Rafael asked Sonny’s parents for their permission to marry their son in late June. It’s now mid July, and he’s sitting on his mother’s couch, watching her examine the ring in the velvet box he just purchased. It’s a silver band with three diamonds embedded in it; and never in a million years did he think he would spend one of his few days off in a ring shop, picking out a band to hopefully put around the finger of a man he loved, one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. 

And he certainly didn’t expect to be doing it at the age of forty-eight. 

After a few moments of weighted silence his mother says, “It’s nice.” 

Rafael quirks a brow, “That’s it?”

She snaps the lid of the box shut, shrugging, “I don’t know what you want me to say. It’s not my style, but it is nice.” 

She hands him back the box, and maybe it’s the apprehension on Rafael’s face that makes her speak again, “It’s modest, and it’s very Dominick. He’ll love it.” 

“Thank you.”

She stands, heading for the kitchen. “Though, honestly Rafi you could get him one of those ring candy things and he’d still say yes.” 

He rolls his eyes at her, but deep down he knew she was right. Sonny saying yes, he’s realized, is not the thing he’s worried about. Sonny saying no is not what’s making his nerves twitch, no, it was the proposal itself. As frivolous as he thinks it is, he wants it to be as close to perfect as possible. Sonny deserves as much, if not more, than a near perfect memory for their engagement. 

He hears the squeak of the fridge door as she asks, “Who helped you pick that out?” 

He mentally rolls his eyes at his mothers (correct) assumption that he couldn’t possibly pick one out on his own. “Benson.” 

“That was nice of her.”

“It was.”

They were in that shop for much longer than Rafael would have liked. The clerk kept trying to sell them rings that were more diamond than band, and would probably blind you if the light reflected off of it in just the right light. Rafael had originally gone in with the idea of buying a simple band, but Olivia was the one who talked him into getting one with a couple diamonds in it. 

Oh the things he does for love. 

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There were many moments in which Rafael Barba knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Sonny Carisi. But there was one instance in particular where he knew this was it for him. It wasn’t anything special or profound, but it tweaked his heart in such a way that he was powerless to stop the feeling. They were in their living room, some drama playing on the television while they talked, neither paying the show any mind. Sonny was more than a little drunk, having come home after a night at the bar with the squad. Barba was content to just watch Sonny speak, hands all over the place as he tells a story about Rollins and Fin and darts, an easy smile on his lips. 

He loves seeing him at ease and happy like that. 

But after the story winds down he leans against the back of the couch, his head lolling to the side so he can look at Rafael. Rafael allowed him to do so for a moment before raising an eyebrow with a simple, “What?” 

“You know, sometimes, sometimes I’ll take some of your scotch from your stash. When you aren’t home.” 

This did not ease Rafael’s confusion. “Sonny, you don’t even like scotch.” 

Sonny huffed a laugh, “I know, I actually pour a bunch of water in it first.” 

“You know we keep beer in the fridge right? The stuff you actually like?” 

Sonny’s expression softened then, his eyes going down to his hands where he picked at a hangnail, “Yeah, but that stuff doesn’t taste like you.”

When Rafael didn’t say anything, Sonny tried to clarify, “I mean like, when you work late, right? And you’ll drink, and then you’ll come to bed and I can taste it. The scotch, I mean. And, and when you’re gone and it’s late and I miss you I drink watered down scotch. Because it’s just that small taste of it I like. The rest of it I couldn’t care less for but. Ya know.” 

It was probably a stupid thing to make that kind of decision on, a drunken confession from his lover that he drinks something he hates just because the faint taste of it reminds him of him. It shouldn’t have stirred up his insides the way it did, made his heart ache in a way only Sonny can make it ache. He remembers kissing him afterwards, their own voices drowning out those on the tv. 

And frankly Rafael would be more than happy to live out the rest of his days in sin with Sonny Carisi. But he knows Sonny is a man of traditions, and he knows how important those traditions are to him. So that’s when he decided (maybe not there and then, but pretty damn close) that he was going to ask this man to marry him. 

The problem then became how . 

July had nearly come and gone, and he wanted to get this out of the way before Sonny transfers out of SVU and into the DAs office. He didn’t want anything extravagant, and he certainly didn’t want anything public. It’s with these two stipulations that he comes up with a plan. 

It puts it into motion one night while they work together to make dinner. “You have this weekend off, right?” 

Sonny slows in his chopping of the bell peppers as he thinks, “Uh, yeah, I think so.” 

Rafael nods, nonchalantly reaching for their shared glass of wine. Sonny watches him do so with a slight smile, “Is there a reason you ask?”

Rafael shrugs, walking over to Sonny and leaning against the counter directly to Sonny’s right. “Oh I dunno, I just thought maybe we could do a date night this weekend, since we haven’t had one in a while.” 

Sonny smiles, leaning into Rafael’s space, “Every night is date night with you.” 

Rafael rolls his eyes. He’s supposed to ask this man to marry him in three days, but he just might reconsider. “How sweet. I meant we actually go out and eat at a restaurant, you know instead of eating takeout on the couch.” 

“Yeah yeah, I know what you mean. But yeah, unless I get called in I think a date night would be great.” 

Rafael leans over and gives Sonny a kiss, “Perfect. I’ll pick the place.” 

And just like that his plan is set in motion. He has been given a guarantee from Liv that unless the situation was dire, she wouldn’t call him in. It was as close to a free night as he was going to get. 

When the day finally rolls around it’s cloudy, and his day starts by waking up to an empty bed. Not exactly unusual, but he was hoping that today, of all days, he would get to wake up next to Sonny. However, his gripe was soon forgotten when the very man on his mind walks in with two cups of coffee, wearing an easy smile and an old pair of Rafael’s Harvard sweatpants. 

Rafael moves to sit up, gladly taking the cup from the other man offers him, “It’s your day off, I feel like I should be the one to bring you coffee in bed.” 

“You work hard too,” Sonny rounds the bed to get to his own side, “Besides, you're making all the plans today.” 

When Sonny resettles himself, he leans over and presses a kiss to Rafael’s cheek. They spend the morning in bed; at first just talking about idle things, and Rafael was perfectly content to just spend time in Sonny’s presence. He’d long since lost track of the conversation, instead he’s more of an observer, voicing his agreements where he feels necessary. If he were to be truthful, he’s running over his plans in his head, over and over, to make sure he doesn’t forget anything. He wants to get it right, and there’s an undercurrent of nerves just below his skin. 

As he mentally counts the number of hours till their reservation, he notices a shift in Sonny’s expression. Maybe he said one too many ‘uh-huh’s. 

“You’re not listening to a word I’m saying, are you?” 

Rafael sits up a little more, “Of course I am.” 

Sonny raises an eyebrow, “What did I just say?” 

Rafael waves a hand as if trying to pick the answer out of the air, “Your sister, Gina, wants to adopt a dog.”

“Cat, but yes.” 

Even though Rafael got it right (at least mostly), it doesn’t seem to make Sonny feel any better.

“You okay? You seem...unfocused.” 

Rafael drums a finger against his now empty mug, “Just thinking, I suppose.”

Sonny’s got that expression that Rafael can never tell if he hates it or not. His brows come together, head tilted slightly while his eyes shone with poorly shielded concern. 

“Anything you wanna talk about?” 

“Maybe later?” 

Sonny’s mouth twitches into an almost sad smile, “Sure.” 

Rafael knows how much Sonny hates it when he keeps things from him, but there isn’t much he can do about that right now. So instead he cups Sonny’s cheek and brings their faces together, kissing that sad half smile off of his face. He feels Sonny smile against his lips, and for a moment, everything feels right in the world. 

“Sonny! Hurry up, we’re going to be late.” 

The aforementioned man emerges from the hallway, slipping his arms into his suit jacket sleeves. Despite his mild irritation, Rafael’s lungs still manage to trip over themselves at the sight coming towards him. 

“Well if someone hadn’t taken so long in the shower-”

“You didn’t have to join me.”

“You sure about that?” Sonny says as he slips his shoes on, cocky grin in place as he glances up at Rafael. 

He couldn’t help the mild eye roll. He’s insufferable. 

As they start out, Rafael keeps his left hand in his pocket, fist clenched around the small box nestled in his pocket. When he first bought the ring, yes he knew about the weight of the commitment it symbolized, but it felt like such a distant thing. But now, with this seemingly harmless box on one hand, the familiar warmth of his partner’s hand in the other. As they start to walk down the streets of Manhattan, Rafael tries to focus on the feeling of Sonny’s hand in his, rough from years on the job. He knows those hands as well as he knows his own, he knows where every callous is, knows about the small scar just inside his left middle finger, faded with time. 

And, hopefully, he’ll get used to the feeling of metal on his left hand.

“You gonna tell me where we’re going?” 

Rafael squeezes his hand, “Then it wouldn’t be much of a surprise, now would it?” 

Sonny huffs, but doesn’t ask any more questions. They get a cab, and they sit in relative silence, Sonny watching out the window as if trying to figure out where it is they’re going. Rafael puts a hand on Sonny’s thigh, and, as if on reflex, Sonny puts his hand over the top of Rafael’s. The action causes the electricity of his nerves to settle, replacing it instead with a heavy warmth. He really doesn’t have anything to worry about, not with Sonny. 

When the cab drops them off, and Rafael watches as the realization crosses the other man’s features.

“This is...we haven’t been here in forever.”

Rafael tried not to let his smirk come through, a strange sort of pride swelling in his chest. They stand in front of a smaller Italian restaurant, a real mom and pop kind of place. It was where they had their first real date all those years ago. Sonny had been determined to take Rafael somewhere other than a bar, somewhere with real food. He really shouldn’t have been surprised a little Italian restaurant would have been his go to. 

“I thought it would be nice to visit our roots.” 

Sonny smiles at that, and there’s a shine in his eyes that Rafael will never tire of seeing. They go in and are quickly seated. They quickly strip off their jackets, Rafael careful not to let the visible outline of the box be seen while throwing the jackets over the backs of their chairs. They settle into easy conversation, and just as the waiter brings them their wine a distant rumble of thunder could be heard overhead.

Rafael furrows his brows, pulling out his phone to check the weather app, “Is it supposed to rain?” 

Sonny nods as he pours each of them a glass, “A decent sized storm is supposed to roll through tonight.” He offers a glass to Rafael.

Accepting the glass, he takes a sip. He was hoping for a nice walk through the city, to properly take in the sights outside the context of work. Though, it sounds like it won’t rain until later, so maybe they can squeeze one in before the storm really settles in for the night. 

They eat their food in general silence, the once distant roll of thunder much closer than before. Rafael subconsciously eats a little faster. 

Sonny, though, is thoroughly enjoying his meal, “We need to come here more often, Raf. I forgot how good the food is.” 

Rafael twirls some of his noodles around his fork, “I’m glad you enjoy it.” 

They finish and pay, and as Rafael is slipping on his jacket Sonny bumps his shoulder with his own.

“Where to now, Counselor?” 

“I was thinking we would take a walk, Detective.”

The corners of Sonny’s mouth quirk upwards as they walk outside. The air is not as thick with rank heat as it was earlier in the day, the dropping pressure a sign of the oncoming storm, “Not a detective for much longer.” 

Rafael notices they’re walking shoulder to shoulder. “How do we feel about that?”

He takes a moment to consider it before answering, “Good, I think. I mean, I’m excited to finally get to do what I’ve been working so hard for, but I think I’m gonna miss being a detective, something I’ve done for so long. Plus I won’t be a part of the squad anymore. At least, not like I am now.” 

Rafael nods. “I understand that. But I think this’ll be good, you worked hard for this and you deserve to follow your dreams. Besides, I’ll sleep a little better knowing you aren’t getting shot at every second of the day.”

“Well from my experience being an ADA isn’t always a whole lot safer.” 

He says it to the sidewalk, as if he knows what he’ll see in Rafael’s expression. It’s still somewhat of a sore spot for them, neither of them having a good answer as to why it went on as long as it did, nothing being said. 

After a moment Sonny speaks again, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve...anyway. I’m excited, nervous, but I’m ready for that change.” 

“I’m sure it’ll look great on you.” 

Rafael’s heart suddenly picks up its pace as he realizes he should probably do something about that little box in his pocket. It seemed like the right time, should he do it here, on the open grimy sidewalk? Down a little ways where they can overlook the water? As his mind races, some unforeseen being decides to make that decision for him. In a stretch of brownstones, a couple of drops of water darken the sidewalk where they land. They slowed their pace, as if to make sure it was, in fact, raining, but that wasn’t necessary as the sky seemed to rip open above them, rain beginning to pour down. 

“Shit!” Sonny curses, trying to pull his jacket up from his back to cover his head. He wasn’t having much luck. 

They tried to flag down a cab, but no one seemed interested in having two men soaking their backseats. So they quickly ran through the rain, trying to find somewhere dry to stand so Rafael could at least order an Uber. It took them nearly five minutes to find an awning they could stand under. 

By the time they got back to their apartment, they were thoroughly soaked, their shirts sticking to their skin. They peeled off their coats (Rafael making sure to discreetly stuff the ring box in his back pants pocket first), leaving them in a heap by the front door; they’d worry about them later. Rafael’s hair is flat, Sonny’s falling out of it’s styled coif and into curls against his forehead. 

There’s something about the sight in front of him; Dominick Carisi Jr. standing in their shared living room, dripping water all over their carpet, hair loose, expression happy. He again has that feeling of belonging, that feeling that tells him that this is what he’s been missing, and that this man, this ridiculous man from Staten Island is it. He feels that heavy, happy weight between his ribs, and he knows. 

“That is one way to end date night.” Sonny says, laughter light behind his tone. 

Rafael smiles, and he can’t help but chuckle. “It is.”

He steps into Sonny’s space, and the other man gladly accepts him, wrapping his arms around Rafael’s shoulders. His heart is pounding now, and he’s a little worried Sonny will feel it and become suspicious; it reminds him of a poem. Something about floorboards. 

Sonny moves one of his hands to cup Rafael’s cheek, tilting his head up for a kiss. It’s sweet, something soft and warm despite the frigid water clinging to them. When Sonny pulls back, he traces his thumb over Rafael’s cheek bone.

“What’s on your mind? You’ve been thinking about something all day, I can tell.” 

Rafael turns his head, kissing Sonny’s palm, and he feels the other man shiver against him, “You never give that detective thing a rest, do you?” 

Sonny gives him a small smile for that, “No, no I don’t. So, what’s goin’ on?” 

Rafael takes in a deep breath before letting it go quietly. “I’ve just been thinking about us, our future. You have changed my life, the way I look at the world, at love and family. And sometimes I’m frightened by how easy it is to love you. And I was thinking about how to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me.”

His voice wobbled a bit at the end, but it was worth it to see every cog in that man’s brain turn. While he still has the element of surprise, he reaches around to his back pocket and pulls out the box, a little damp from their excursion in the rain. He then, a little slower than he would care to admit, drops down to one knee, popping open the top of the box.

With a slight huff, he holds out the box and asks, “Sonny Carisi, will you marry me?” 

Sonny’s eyes go a little wide, and a seemingly startled laugh escapes his chest, “Do you really have to ask?”

Rafael shrugs, “Affirmative consent.”

Sonny rolls his eyes, bending down halfway to grab one of Rafael’s elbows, “Yes, now get up here.” 

He pulls him into him, smashing their mouths together. Rafael didn’t realize how cold he was until he had Sonny’s warm body pressed up against his. They kiss for a moment, Sonny niping Rafael’s bottom lip before Rafael pulls away, grabbing one of Sonny’s hands. “Let’s get this on you first.” 

Sonny allows Rafael to slip the ring over his finger, both of them taking a moment to take in the look of it.

“It’s stunning, Rafi.” 

“I’m glad you like it.” 

They both smile, leaning in to kiss again, Sonny’s hands on either side of Rafael’s face and oh yeah, he could get used to the cool feeling of the metal band against his skin. 

“Now let’s get you in the shower before you get sick.”

Chapter Text

Waking up to an empty bed isn’t exactly an odd occurrence. Sonny’s hours usually required him to be up early, earlier than Rafael considered decent. Oftentimes he would wake up to some kind of ruckus either in the kitchen or the bathroom, Sonny never one to go about his morning routine quietly. Part of him thinks he’s doing it on purpose. This is followed by him slowly making his way out of bed, making coffee in sweats while Sonny grabs a cup dressed in his three piece, ready for work. 

However this morning is not one of those mornings. He’s on his stomach, facing the other side of the bed, blearily opening one eye. It takes his sleep-riddled brain a moment to take in the sight before him, but when it does it makes his sleep-sluggish heart beat a little faster, spreading warmth throughout his body. 

Sonny is laying on his back, the pale sunlight spilling in through their blinds glinting off the ring on Sonny’s left ring finger, as he holds it up in front him. Rafael takes a moment to just watch, to commit this simple moment to memory. 

He thinks that’s what both of them are doing, trying to maintain this bubble surrounding them, this bliss, trying to keep it in a place in their minds and hearts that will never fade. It was something warm, something that grips his heart and squeezes until it’s the only thing he can focus on. Besides, he’s always enjoyed watching Sonny admire the things he bought him (usually in the form of clothes), taking that as a sign of knowing what he likes. He gets to tell himself in those moments that no one knows Sonny Carisi better than he does , and now, with Sonny wearing the ring Rafael bought him, he can say and no one ever will . 

Sonny must have felt his eyes on him, because he glances over, immediately dropping his hand to his stomach. 

“Good morning.” Sonny says, voice hardly more than a gravely rumble. It’s a sound that warms him, even after hearing it so many times. 

Rafael grunts back in lieu of a response, and Sonny just chuckles, leaning over to press a kiss to Rafael’s exposed temple. “Glad to hear you slept well.” 

Sonny pushes the covers off of himself and stands. Rafael watches as his exposed form roots around their drawers for clothes, admiring the dark marks along his shoulders and the base of his throat, stark against his skin. A sight he will never tire of. 

Sonny pulls a shirt over his head, and Rafael’s eyes are drawn to the foreign metal band around his finger, following it as he smooths out his shirt. 

“I was thinking maybe we could meet Bella and Tommy for lunch, tell them the good news. Lord knows once she hears it it won’t be long till every Carisi within a thousand miles knows.” 

Rafael huffs a laugh before grabbing Sonny’s pillow and tucking it under himself, “That sounds like a good plan in theory, but that would require me getting out of bed.” 

Sonny rolls his eyes, “It’s ten thirty.”

“My point stands.” 

Sonny sighs, but Rafael knows that any annoyance is put on, “Okay, I’m going to call Bella and start a pot of coffee, giving you plenty of time to get out of bed.” 

Rafael reaches for his phone on the bedside table, “Whatever.” 

Sonny leaves the room with a shake of his head. Rafael passively scrolls through his email, though the number of emails that have any significance has dropped off considerably since leaving the DA’s office. In the other room, he can hear Sonny talking to his sister, starting and stopping the same sentence three times before he can get the whole thing out. With a sigh he decides to get out of bed, a familiar soreness in his back as he stands. He dresses in something he would consider casual, not that many would particularly agree. A polo shirt, dress pants and a blazer isn’t exactly what most (especially Sonny, who’s dressed in a black Henley and jeans) would think of when they think ‘casual’. 

He walks out of the bedroom, Sonny still on the phone with his sister as he stands at their kitchen counter, pouring a second mug of coffee. Rafael picks up the first one, taking a sip, immediately wrinkling his nose to it. Sonny notices, raising a questioning brow.

“I don’t understand how you can drink coffee like that.” He whispers, mindful that he’s still talking with his sister. He can barely make out her voice on the other end, probably talking about something one of her kids did. All of Sonny’s nieces and nephews have taken to calling Rafael some variation of ‘Uncle Raf’, which was fine, Noah did it and he didn’t give it a whole lot of thought (other than the fact Sonny practically lit up every time). Now, though, with his ring around Sonny’s finger, he suddenly realized that he is now, in a more concrete sense, going to be their uncle, bound by marriage into this family. 

As he waits for Sonny to be finished on the phone, he goes about adding sugar and creamer into his coffee, stirring it as he looks for the TV remote. He watches the news as he sips his coffee, leaning against the back of the couch. 

They end up meeting Bella and Tommy (and their two little ones) at a sandwich shop just down the street from them. When they arrive, Sonny makes sure to keep his hands in his pockets, not wanting them to figure it out right away. Though, he can’t help scooping up his niece and nephew, one on each hip. Rafael watches him greet the two little ones, absolutely beaming, and it makes something twist painfully in his heart. 

“It’s been so long since we’ve seen you two!” Bella says, wrapping Rafael up in a hug, as her brother was preoccupied with the children. 

“We’ll need to meet up more often.” He says, returning her affection. Rafael isn’t a hugger naturally, but it’s become a bit of a learned behavior since being integrated into the Carisi clan. 

He greets Tommy with a handshake, and the six of them get seated (outdoors). Bella sets to making sure their youngest, Ava, is settled while Tommy gives Andrew, their three (almost four) year old, a set of crayons and a coloring book. Sonny keeps his hands in his lap. 

They begin with idle chatter; about how life is going, work, Sonny’s impending career change. By the time their food arrives they’re discussing the latest family drama, something about Gina and their parents. Rafael has a hard time keeping track of who said what and why, especially since Bella and Sonny are doing that weird sibling thing where they speak in half sentences, the rest apparently known to the other one. Tommy looks over to Rafael at one point, silently asking him if he knew what was going on. Rafael just shook his head. 

“There’s something else on your mind.” Bella says, diverting away from whatever point of drama they were talking about. 

Sonny averts his eyes, and Rafael notices him wringing his hands under the table. 

“Yeah, um. Last night,” He pulls his hand out from under the table, laying his left one flat on the table, “Rafael asked me to marry him.” 

“Oh my god!” She shrieks, startling the two young ones, “Let me see, let me see!” 

Sonny holds his hand out for her, and she grabs it, yanking it closer. 

“Easy, Bells.” 

“Do mom and dad know about this?” 

“We haven’t told them, no.” 

Rafael shifts so he’s leaning against the table, “I did ask for their permission back in June, but.”

Sonny turns to him, “You asked for their permission?” 

There was that shine in his eyes, the quirk to his lips, the one that usually told Rafael he said or did something sappy. Before it made Rafael roll his eyes as he would forget that his partner was a sucker for romance. Now, though, it still made him roll his eyes, but his heart would beat a pace or two faster. 

Before Rafael could respond, Tommy broke in.

“Since we haven’t heard anything, I’m going to assume no one else in the family knows?” 

Sonny huffs a laugh, “What makes you say that?” 

Bella is still holding on to Sonny’s hand, and she turns it towards the kids, “See this? It means your Uncle Sonny is gonna get married.”

Ava looks at the ring, clearly drawn to the shiny band. Andrew was less interested in the ring, but in his mother’s words. 

“Married to Uncle Raf?” 

“That’s right.”

“I wanna be the ring bringer!” 

Everyone laughs, though hearing Andrew talk about the wedding makes a lump form in his throat. That is the next step, isn’t it? Planning the wedding, the wedding where he’s going to marry the man sitting next to him. What was he getting himself into? 

But then Sonny puts his hand over his, thumb absently moving over his skin, and he’s reminded why he’s going through the trouble. He leans a little more into Sonny’s space, listening to his to-be-sister-in-law talk about sending his nephew to school. 

He’s folding laundry when he gets the call. He hears it buzzing against his bedside table, and checks his caller ID; Olivia Benson. He answers it, trying his best to keep a straight face.

“Hello?” 

“When were you going to tell me?” 

Rafael tucks the phone between his ear and shoulder, so he could fold a towel, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Rafa. You were supposed to call me after you asked him!” 

He chuckles, stuffing the towel in the closet by the shower, “I thought it would be more fun for you to find out with the squad.” 

“Well when I didn’t hear from you I was starting to think you chickened out.” 

He can practically see the teasing smirk and eyebrow raise. 

Instead of dignifying her with a response, he asks, “So how did they take it?” 

If she notices his deflection, she doesn’t say anything, “Rollins noticed first, and she was pretty excited. Though, she did punch him in the arm for waiting to tell her.” 

He grabs Sonny’s old academy shirt out of the basket, “That’s about how I expected it to go.”

“Fin and Kat were congratulatory. Let’s just say the mood in the squad room was lifted significantly.” 

After putting away the shirt, he looks into the basket and frowns. The only thing left are socks, and he hates pairing and putting away socks. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“So, you gonna tell me how it went?” 

“I can,” He says, sitting on the bed and beginning to organize the socks. Why must most of them look the same? “Why don’t you come by some night for a drink and I’ll tell you all about it.” 

She laughs, “Okay, okay. You drive a hard bargain, Rafael Barba. Or should I call you Rafael Barba-Carisi?” 

“We haven’t even begun planning the wedding, so let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” 

“Alright, Friday evening? I was hoping I could snag a couple photos for our going away party.” 

Right, he nearly forgot about that. Sonny is finally making the career change he’d been working for for as long as he’d known him. He remembers the swell of pride when he heard that Sonny had passed the bar, though it unfortunately got drowned out by the threats, and with what happened to Dodds. Rafael knows better than anyone how hard he worked to get where he is, all the late nights and study sessions, the ones where Rafael would be in bed, asleep, while Sonny sat at the kitchen table, working on this or that for his classes. He’s proud of him for chasing what he wants. 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

Sonny texts him later, telling him how close Rollins was to killing him, first for not telling her and then he thought her hug was going to suffocate him. 

Sonny: She really was going to make me cook for my own engagement party, smh.  

That text makes Rafael raise an eyebrow.

Rafael: We’re having an engagement party?

Sonny: With the squad, remember? 

Sonny: Didn’t I tell you about this? 

Sonny: We all decided to meet at our apartment for some celebratory drinks.

Rafael: I feel like that’s something I would have remembered.

Sonny: Debatable.

Rafael: Excuse me?

Sonny: I’m just saying you forgot about your own birthday last year.

Rafael: They all start to blend together, the months go by too fast.

Rafael considers not sending this next message, but he can’t help himself.

Rafael: You’ll understand in ten years.

Sonny: WOW

Sonny: OK

Sonny: Asshole 

Rafael can’t help the smile that crosses his face. He feels like a high schooler, smiling at his screen like this, all because his fiance called him an asshole over text. This is what love is.

Olivia shows up half an hour early on Friday. She has a bottle of wine in her hand, and while Rafael isn’t much of a wine drinker himself, he’s not above sharing some red wine with a friend (especially one who knows her wines, knows which ones he likes). He lets her in, and she settles on one of the bar stools, Rafael grabbing a pair of wine glasses. He places them in front of her, and she pours them both a generous amount.

“Where’s the fiance?” She asks, and he rolls his eyes at the teasing undercurrent in her voice.

“He has an appointment. He was supposed to go yesterday, but with that missing kid case, he had to reschedule.” 

Liv nods, taking a sip of her wine, Rafael swirling his around in his glass. Sonny has been going to therapy for a while now, though mostly at the request of Rafael. He had terrible nightmares, the kind that would keep him up for hours afterwards. Rafael would try and stay up with him, if he could. Though, most of the time he ended up falling asleep against his shoulder while they sat in the living room watching TV. Of course it wasn’t just the nightmares, he could see the subtle changes in him as one thing after another seemed to just pile on to his mind, and it was clearly weighing on him. There was a time he could feel Sonny, his Sonny, slipping away, fading into the background while he struggled to deal with it all. 

So, after some discussion, he started seeing someone. The lady he’s seeing is very accommodating to his strange hours, willing to see him later in the evening. It seems to be helping, the nightmares having slowed almost to a stop, and he seems much happier. 

“Therapy, right?” 

Rafael looks at her, glass halfway to his lips. He isn’t sure who Sonny’s told, and doesn’t want to say anything unless he knows Sonny’s okay with it.

Seemingly sensing his dilemma, Liv clarifies, “He told me.” 

Rafael nods, taking that sip. “Yeah. It really seems to be working for him.” 

Liv nods, “That’s good,” She crosses her arms in front of her on the counter, leaning on them, “have you ever considered going?” 

He raises an eyebrow at her, “To therapy?” 

She nods.

“No, I can’t say that I have.” 

She shrugs, finger tracing the base of her glass, “Why not? You’ve been through a lot, too, Rafael. You never know.”

He sighs, “Look, I’m glad that it’s worked for you and for Sonny, but I am not the type that would benefit from talking to someone about my problems. Besides, aren’t you here to talk about my upcoming nuptials and not trying to get me to talk to a shrink?”

She smiles at that, “Fair enough, so tell me how this all went down.” 

And so he does. He tells her about dinner, about how it was where they had their first date, he told her about the rain, and the probably less than romantic proposal in the living room, both of them soaked. She smiles throughout the whole story, sipping from her glass while his is forgotten on the counter. Afterwards, they devolve into a lively conversation about some of the weird sides of their professions, the things they’ve heard or seen that makes them laugh looking back. They’ve gone through most of the bottle and Rafael’s gut was sore from laughter when the front door opens, Sonny walking through. 

“Girls night?” He asks, toeing off his shoes. Rafael snorts, draining the last of his wine. Sonny walks over, kissing Rafael’s cheek before picking up the mostly empty bottle. 

“You weren’t gonna save any for me?” 

“Always.” He pours the rest of the bottle into his glass, offering it to Sonny. He shakes his head.

“That’s alright, I’m actually pretty tired, so I think I’m gonna head to bed.” 

He reaches out, giving Rafael a proper kiss, “You kids don’t stay up too late, okay?” 

Rafael pinches his side, Sonny jolting away with a laugh. He disappears down the hall, the door closing softly behind him. Rafael watches him go, eyes still glued to the hallway even after the door closes. 

“We’re going to miss having him in the squad room.” Liv says. 

“I think he’ll miss being there, but he’s not going far. He’s happy about the move though, at least that’s what he tells me.” Rafael says, drinking the wine he poured for Sonny. 

Liv nods, and they sit in contemplative silence before moving on to talk about Noah’s latest adventures.

The process of everyone finding out was extrapolated when they told Bella, various Carisi cousins texting and calling to ask about the newest development to the Carisi family. Sonny did manage to get a call in to his parents before then, both of them insisting on being put on speaker so they could talk to the both of them. They were both thrilled, Mr. Carisi playfully chastising Rafael for taking so long. Mrs. Carisi then started asking questions about the wedding, and what they had planned. Sonny gently let her down with a ‘we’ve been engaged for three days’. 

Rafael’s mother was filled in during a lunch they managed to fit in during Sonny’s lunch that Monday, and like Mrs. Carisi, she had started asking them about their thoughts for the future. Rafael told her that they would start thinking about that after Sonny gets settled into his new job. Of which his going away party was that upcoming weekend. Not that Sonny knew that, they all made sure of that. 

Except, Rafael didn’t end up making it to it. His mother had broken her foot at work, and she needed someone to drive her. She said she didn’t need him to come get her, that he should go to that party, he refused, saying he wasn’t going to let his mother get a cab with crutches. Besides, he knows Sonny will understand. He’s getting his mother settled when Sonny calls him. 

“Is your mom okay? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Rafael can hear the muffled sound from the party, and the worried annoyance in his voice. “Because then I knew you wouldn’t end up going to the bar, and all those people who are there for you , would have been disappointed. Besides, she’s perfectly fine, just needed a little help.” 

She would insist she didn’t, if she could hear him. But he’s in the kitchen and she’s in her bedroom. 

Sonny is silent on the other end, as if wrestling with being understanding and frustrated. 

“I’ll swing by by the end, okay? But it’s your party, and I want you to have fun for me, got it?” 

He hears Sonny huff, “Sure. Oh, Dodds says congrats, by the way.” 

Rafael chuckles, “I’m sure he did. Okay, I’ll see you in a bit. Love you.”

“Okay, I love you, too.” 

He stops by a little over two hours after they had hung up, and he wades through the crowd to see Sonny leaning against the bar, turned away from it, and talking with a group of detectives, Rollins being the only one he recognizes. One of the other detectives is in the middle of a story, so Rafael slips through and settles in place at Sonny’s side, Sonny settling one hand on Rafael’s opposite hip. 

He leans to whisper in Sonny’s ear, “Are we staying long?” 

Sonny squints at him with a smile, “You just got here.” 

Rafael just sighs, not saying anything else, leaning more of his weight against Sonny, who takes it gladly. 

They end up staying for almost an hour, a number of people walking up to them and congratulating them on the engagement as word of it spreads around the bar. He does end up separating from Sonny, instead making his way over to Liv. By the time they do leave, Sonny has had a bit to drink. Not enough to make him useless, but enough to make him loose lipped and jointed, throwing an arm over Rafael’s shoulders mostly just to keep from tripping over every crack in the sidewalk. 

As they walk, Sonny buries his nose in Rafael’s hair, breathing deeply. “I’m so lucky to have you.” He says against the side of Rafael’s head, and Rafael just grips him tighter.

“And why is that?”

He doesn’t need him to answer, knowing how loved he is by the man slung around his shoulders. But every once in a while it’s nice to hear it out loud.

“Because you’re the best, you do a lot for me. And you’re hot, you could have anyone and you chose the schlep from Staten Island. How lucky is that?” 

His words are slightly slurred, but not unbearably so. Rafael takes that as him simply enjoying himself at the party. Though the words did warm him to hear.

“I love you, too. But let’s keep walking, you’re getting heavy.”