Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As the bus began to slow, my heartbeat picked up in its place, providing the tempo for my racing thoughts. 

I’d seen Haven in pictures before, but nothing prepared me for just how colorful it was. Travel guides and brochures usually have to photoshop places to look this vibrant. It felt as though my eyes were being tricked. Nowhere could possibly hold this much scenic value.

But here I was.  

The exact contradiction of the concrete walls and graffiti I was used to. 

And it was terrifying. 

After a few beats I could see the bus driver turn and look at me expectantly.

I shambled out of the bus, my legs almost completely numb from lack of use. 

The bus drove off behind me and I remained, rooted to the ground beneath me. I couldn’t see another soul in sight, but I was sure I looked more out of place than anything this town had ever seen before.  

He said to meet on the bridge.

It was difficult, but I willed myself to move. Seeing Gabe again was something I was truly excited about. The scary part was Gabe seeing me again. 

He has no idea what I’ve grown into.  What if I didn’t fit into this picturesque town he was so sure I was going to just love ? 

The wood creaked beneath my feet as I crossed the bridge.  

The glimmer of the water beneath caught my eye and I had to look.

Unreal. Everything about this place screamed Disney movies and fairy tales. How did a fuck up like me even get here? 

“Alex!” 

The scene instantly went from surreal to dreamlike.

The face approaching me was overjoyed and familiar, but at the same time so foreign. Gabe was a man now. He was taller, had a defined jawline, and a beard, but somehow he still has the childlike smile my big brother wore at times.  The contrast threw me off but I didn’t have time to be weary of it.

Before I could say anything he was hugging me. 

I had to struggle for a moment to repress my fight or flight instinct. Hugging was simply something I didn’t do, but I soon became distracted.

There was a deep sadness radiating out of Gabe.

She’s all grown up.  I missed everything. 

I sighed and prepared myself for what I do best.  

Faking it.

Smiling wryly I pulled away and looked up at Gabe.

“Nice… beard.” I said.

Gabe ran a hand over it before squinting down at me. 

“Are you hating?” 

“No.. Not hating.. I just… I mean are you a cowboy now, or..?” 

Gabe smirked.

“Ah, you’re still a smartass. Are you ready for the tour?” 

“Ffffuck yeah.”  I nodded. 

We both paused mid stride to look at one another. 

“That enthusiasm is kind of over the top.” Gabe said. 

“Noted.” I nodded. 

Maybe I could put a little more work into my ‘faking it’. 

As it turned out, Gabe could hone his skills as well. Our first stop was the flower store where I found out he was in the dog house with his girlfriend, Charlotte. 

This felt very on brand from what I remember of Gabe.  I grinned through the entire process wondering what he’d done. 

The girl minding the store was pretty, but distracted. Nevertheless she gave me a warm welcome. It seemed as though Gabe had talked up my arrival all around town.

It was like he knew everybody. 

All these welcomes and well wishes from strangers were slowly draining me. 

I even had an older lady hug me… 

“So, normally I’d invite you in but… I should really patch things up first, you know?” Gabe said. 

I glanced at the shop front. 

The dispensary.  Oh shit.

I would have to get on Charlotte's good side, if for nothing else then for discounts. 

“Sure.” I said.

“It should only be a minute, but feel free to look around town if you want. Don’t go too far though.” Gabe said. 

I nodded. “Put on the Chen charm.” 

Gabe winked at me before disappearing behind the darkly tinted glass on the front door. 

I sighed and spun on the spot. 

This appeared to be the main street of Haven. 

It was so small, and there were so many pedestrians. It wasn’t like Portland where you could simply become invisible. People here made eye contact and tried to start conversations with you.  Everyone knows each other, and surely everyone can tell that I do not belong here. 

I couldn’t understand why this was making me so anxious. 

I started reading the store fronts across the street. 

One appeared to be a clothing shop.  A mining museum.. A post office.

The one that stood out to me was the largest sign. A record store.  

Rocky Mountain Record Store.

Finally something I could identify with.

I crossed the street without a second thought and slid inside as inconspicuous as I could. 

The sights and smells inside brought me so much comfort. 

I slid my backpack off in a corner near the front of my shop, out of habit mostly because in Portland, shop owners would assume you were there to steal if you were carrying around anything bigger than a purse.  

There wasn’t even anyone at the register, but that made it even more perfect. 

I let my eyes roam the walls and it was like I could feel all the anxiety wash away in waves. 

All the band stickers and posters.

Crystalline, The Fat Lilies, Treehouse, Firewalk.

I sighed in relief.  At least there must be a few people in this town that share my taste. 

I spotted a record player in the corner. If Gabe wasn’t done by the time I’d finished checking this store out I'd definitely camp out there. 

I meandered slowly around, pursuing the records. The staff recommendations indicated that they seemed really into Indie music.  Cool.

They had some nice guitars. It made me realize how much I missed playing. Maybe when I get a job and a little stability I could buy one of those babies. 

The song that was playing in the store stopped and there was now a DJ talking.

Interestingly, Haven seems to have its own local radio station. 

Not bad. This place was already starting to look a bit more appealing. 

“So come on down to Rocky Mountain Records if you want to pick up your tickets to the Traveller show happening down in Denver next week.”

A show… Hmm. Wonder if Gabe would wanna go.

The next song began playing and I finally started venturing deeper into the store.  

In the very back they had a beautiful Stratocaster backlit behind glass. I tried to squint to see if I could figure out who had autographed it to no avail.  

Still super cool.

When I turned around I was surprised to find a small booth with a window. There was a girl dancing like a fool, insane without a care in the world.. 

Upon further inspection I could see this was a DJ booth. This was literally Haven’s radio station, broadcasting from a record store. 

How fucking cool. 

The girl crossed the small room to pick up two records. 

I admired her outfit as she eyed the tracklist on the back of the records.

She wore a red jacket over a band shirt with a beanie and it suited the hell out of her.

Our eyes met and I felt my muscles lock into place.

Fuck, she’s attractive

She smiled widely at me before holding the records up to the glass. 

Oh, she’s asking for my recommendation..

I obviously went with Zombie Parade. Unicorn Sandwich’s new album was weak at best. 

She nodded in approval. 

And I stood there like a complete idiot staring at the girl as she worked. As pathetic as it sounds, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. The DJ had intense eyes but it completely relaxed and inviting when she smiled. I couldn’t tell what color they were exactly. In this lighting they looked brown but there was a gleam in them. Hazel, maybe? Green?  

Everything about this girl just oozes with confidence.

She prepped the record to play and spoke into the microphone without taking her incredible eyes off of mine. 

“And now we have a very special request for…some chick.”  The DJ said with a smirk that could have stopped my heart.

I blinked rapidly and shook my head, unable to keep from smiling. Is this girl flirting with me? 

What a stupid cliche. I didn’t believe in such things ‘at first sight’. This is sure as shit not I was expecting to find within my first 20 minutes in Haven but at the same time, my mind was racing..

I took a deep breath and willed myself to see if she was still staring at me, but she wasn’t. She was now air drumming all over the booth as if this exchange hadn’t happened, but I knew this wasn’t the case.

The girl was feeling something now. I could see it all around her. A purple aura..

I held out a hand as nonchalantly as I could to get a read on her. I didn’t want to get her attention again since I wasn’t sure I could handle it.

I could hear her voice after a while.

“I don’t think I’ve seen her around before… Maybe a tourist? She’s cute, but… she looked pretty young? “

Ugh. 

Please, just because I’m short....  

Someone grabbed my hand and it took everything in me to keep from screaming. 

“I knew I’d find you here.” Gabe said. 

“God dammit.” I punched him in the arm.

“Why are you standing around like a creep?” He asked, completely ignoring my assault. “Oh, did you meet Steph?” 

Oh shit. God, no.. 

Gabe knocked on the glass. The girl, Steph, looked happy to see him. Of course, he knows everybody. 

He pointed at me excitedly. 

The girls’ eyes widened and she opened the door to the booth, poking her head out.

“ That’s your sister?” She asked Gabe before turning to me. “Are you Alex?”

“I am, yeah. Hey.” 

I wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. She knew my name. What did Gabe tell her about me?

Steph smiled warmly.  “I’m busy now but I look forward to getting to know you Alex.” 

I smiled back. Not necessarily because I wanted to, but rather her smile was contagious.. 

“I.. yeah. For sure..” I said 

Steph burned red for a moment. 

"Damn, she has a cute smile." 

I felt like my face was burning and I diverted my eyes, turning away so she couldn’t see me blush. 

Heading back outside it definitely felt brighter in Haven after that encounter. 

I wasn’t one to get my hopes up for these sorts of things but… 

“So, you’ve met one of my best friends.” Gabe said, he stopped to look down at me. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” I choked.

Oh I must not look okay.. Could he tell I was blushing?

“It’s just a lot of introductions, that’s all. I didn’t expect you to know everybody in town.” 

“Well, when there’s not that many people in town it just happens.” Gabe shrugged. 

“I guess that must be it.” 

“Well, I can promise you booze at our next stop. Does that make you feel better?”

“Yes.” I grinned.

Gabe beamed and walked ahead. His aura turned into a blinding yellow.

“Finally get to have a drink with my little sister.”

He led us almost to the end of the main street before stopping. 

“I told you I live above a bar right?” 

“That’s… super convenient.”  I said.

“Yeah it is, until I wanna take a sick day.” Gabe said, holding the door open for me. 

It looked exactly like a small town bar would look.  Cozy, and small. The walls were adorned with the history of the town. Pickaxes, mining helmets, and many, many different kinds of firearms.

Because ‘Murica!

“Jed!” Gabe yelled.  

We approached a man who I could only describe as having a beard so big that his beard had its own beard. 

“Alex, this is my friend Jed.”

“Your boss Jed.” Jed corrected. He held out a hand, I shook it, just glad that I wasn’t being hugged. 

“Nice to meet you Alex. Gabe says you have experience as a server? We’re understaffed if you’re looking for work.” 

I sighed. “Gabe’s full of shit. But, I would like a job if experience doesn’t isn’t an issue.” 

Jed grinned at Gabe. “She’s more honest than you are. Well," He turned back to me, "we’ll give you a try during Gabe’s shift tonight, how about that?”

“Thank you.” I said. 

A man approached Gabe for a high five. 

“Alex, this is my other best friend Ryan Lucan.” 

Another handshake.

“This is Haven Springs most handsome eligible bachelor. “ Gabe said with a smirk.

He nudged me in the shoulder.

Oh god… he wouldn’t try and set me up, would he?

Luckily Ryan looked as mortified as I felt.

“Uh, Ignore him Nice to meet you Alex..” Ryan said. 

“Trying…” I said with a small smile. 

“Hey, you never know. There aren’t many guys I'd trust with my little sister.” Gabe punched Ryan’s shoulder. “Anyway I’m gonna get her settled in before my shift starts.” 

Part two of wanting to sink into the floor and vanish.

I followed Gabe up the stairs and all my weariness disappeared after we entered his loft. 

It was incredible. An actual bachelor pad. Spacious, with a view  and a foosball table. Video games... 

“Holy shit, Gabe.” I whispered. 

“Pretty nice, right?”

“It’s perfect.” 

“Glad you like it since it’s yours now.” 

I stared at him skeptically.

“No, really. I basically live at Charlotte’s so…” Gabe bit his lip and held up a single key attached to a Haven Springs keychain. 

I didn’t have words. 

I just threw my arms around his neck and I could feel his aura shift. 

Why did he feel so sad?

“Better than what you’re used to?” He asked.

“Yeah… there’s no bars on the windows for one thing..” I said.

“It should have never been like that. I can’t even imagine what you went through.”  

“It’s honestly not worth thinking about. This is a new start, right?” 

“It’s gonna be better this time. From now on… the rest of your life.” Gabe said.

Grief. 

It felt as though he was grieving my childhood. Not just grieving… he felt responsible for it. 

It was getting too heavy for me. 

I put my bag on the bed and didn’t have words. His regrets were making my throat constrict. 

“Anyway, you haven’t seen the best part yet.” 

He motioned for me to follow him as he started up the stairs.

The rooftop was better than any backyard could ever be.

“This is unreal, Gabe.”  

“Have a seat.” He said. 

I sat at the small patio table he had set up overlooking the horizon. The mountains, the lakes. All the trees. All the flowers. I couldn’t imagine what a sunset would look like from up here. I’d never in my life had a place this beautiful I could come to whenever I wanted. 

The silence was cut with the sound of a can opening. 

Gabe was holding a beer out to me. 

I smiled. He really wanted to drink with me. 

“Thanks.” I said. 

“It’s so weird that you can drink legally now.” 

“As if it ever stopped me before.” I smirked, taking a sip. 

Gabe opened his own beer and remained silent.  

She grew up too fast.

No, I need to change the topic. 

“Everyone seems really nice. I’m excited to meet Charlotte.”  I said, perking up.

“Oh you’re gonna love her.” Gabe beamed. “Ethan too. Really cool kid. Really smart.”

“It’s gonna be weird seeing you play the dad role.” I said. 

“I’m damn good at it.” He said. “What did you think about Ryan?” 

Sigh.

“I saw him for like 30 seconds.” I said, “You’re not seriously trying to set us up, are you?” 

“Think he’s cute?” Gabe smiled.

“Gabe. No.” I growled.

“You don’t?”  He looked genuinely surprised.

“He’s not bad looking. But no.. not my type. He looks like the Brawny man..” 

Gabe’s beer threatened to come up through his nose. 

He choked for a bit. 

“I’m.. so glad you said that. That guy is so cocky. Thinks he’s got dibs on every single transplant that comes through this town. Don’t get me wrong he’s a great friend, but he thinks he’s god’s gift to women.”  Gabe beamed.

“So why the hell would you try and set me up-”

He waved a hand dismissively. “I didn’t think it would go anywhere.” 

“Right..” 

“It would be cool for you to find someone here though. Then I don’t have to worry about you running for the bus.”

“I found you.”  I said. “Or rather, you found me.  I don’t have anywhere else to go. I don't think you have to worry about me leaving. It seems like a nice place. It’s just gonna take some adjusting…” 

“Alright. I’ll buy it for now.” Gabe finally agreed.

We drank in silence for a bit.

“Should we be drinking before work?” I asked.

“It’s super casual. At some point you’ll probably be drinking during work. Jed insists if a customer wants you to take a shot with them that you do it.” 

“Sweet.” I grinned.

“I got like 5 minutes until my shift starts.” Gabe said. “But honestly, you’ve been on a bus for 15 hours, if you wanna take the night off and just settle in I’m sure Jed wouldn’t mind.” 

“I’m not too tired. And I kind of want to make a good impression.” 

“If you insist..” Gabe said.

From the top of the roof I could barely make out the sign on the record store.  It reminded me of the girl on the radio.

“So what’s the deal with Steph?” I asked.

Gabe’s eyes lit up. “That’s a cool one! Actually she’s been here about a year and I’m the reason she came to Haven in the first place.” 

“How does that work?” I asked

“Well she was in a band I found on the internet and I booked them to play at the Lantern. Her and her girlfriend. They broke up when Steph decided she wanted to stay in Haven and take the radio job.” 

Broke up? Still single?

“She was in a band?” I asked. 

“Yeah, she plays drums.” 

A drummer. Swoon. 

“That’s.. really cool.” I smiled.

“When she finds out you play guitar she’s probably gonna wanna jam every day.”

Shame I don’t have a guitar anymore.

I imagined jamming with Steph at the record store after hours…

Just the two of us…

Sharing that intense eye contact while playing a song together. Could anything be more intimate?

“Uh.. Alex?” 

I looked at Gabe.

Shit..

“Thought I lost you for a second there.“

“No, I'm good.” I said. 

Gabe stared at me for a long moment before downing the rest of his beer and standing up. 

“Time to work,” he said. “Remember, you can still take the night off if you want.” 

“I’ll just.. unpack and come down probably.” I said. 

“Your choice.” He said, turning for the stairs, “Oh, one more thing. Check under the bed.” 

What now, I wondered as I listened to his footsteps retreat back downstairs. 

What more could he have possibly done for me. With this view. This apartment. Everything… it all felt like too much. Did I really deserve all this? 

I remained on the roof a while longer, contemplating how I’d gotten here. Wondering, even as wonderful as this place might be, would I ever feel like I wasn’t out of place?

I took my time finishing my beer. If I was to interact with a bunch of strangers tonight who all knew of my coming, I would need at least a buzz. 

After I made my way downstairs, my hand landed on my traveling sack. 

I paused before kneeling down beside the bed.  

There was a long case that I recognized immediately.

No way…

A brand new guitar?

I opened the case and there was a note laying against the frets.

“Alex,

Here’s a little something to say welcome home.
Can’t wait to hear you shred.

-G”

Damn…

And here I am getting emotional about a guitar. 

I pulled it out of its box and sat on the bed. It was the perfect size and was almost in tune.  I strummed it blankly with nothing immediately coming to mind to play.  I noticed a stereo on the shelf nearby and flipped it on.  

It was playing indie music. I smiled thinking this must be the local radio station.  

I played along to the older Alt-J song I was already somewhat familiar with.  

Steph liked this song? Then I would have to practice it. 

I strummed through the entirety realizing that I was way too rusty. Practice was definitely in my future.

“Alright Haven Springs, that about wraps up my time with you today. But don’t worry, we’ll be turning on the playlist and rocking out for the rest of the night.“

I stopped at the sound of her voice.

“Don’t forget it’s not too late to sign up for the larp this weekend! Come see me at Mountain Records during the day tomorrow if you’re still interested in joining!” 

A larp? She’s a nerd too?

“Also, I will be heading down to the Black Lantern tonight. Gabe Chen plans on buying everyone a round to celebrate his sister's arrival. Welcome to Haven Alex. See you guys tomorrow!”

I turned the stereo off and stared at it blankly in disbelief. 

Well, that just made tonight more interesting. 

I found the bathroom and caught my reflection in the mirror. I was absolutely horrified. This ? THIS is how I looked when I met the hot drummer girl?  

Fuck.. 

2 beers while unpacking my bag, a shower, a fresh face of makeup and a change of outfit later, I told myself I was ready to go downstairs. 

I held my breath as I descended. The bar was packed . I could see Gabe was very busy at the bar. Jed was at the register.

I approached Jed with a small smile. 

“Ah there’s my new server.” He said. 

“Ready to go.” I said.

“We’re gonna have you serving and bussing today. “ 

“Alright.. “

“So you’re gonna be checking in tables and taking orders if people want food. You just bring the orders back to me. I’ll put them in.” 

I nodded.

“If you see any empty tables just clean them up, bring everything into the back.”

“Right.” I said.

“We pride ourselves on getting on personal terms with our customers so try and get to know everyone.”

“Okay Jed.” 

“Duckie just sat down. I’d check on those miners over there. And Steph over there in the corner could use a refresher. Have fun out there.” He said. 

My eyes lingered at the last place he pointed.

Steph was sitting alone fully immersed with writing in a composition book. I didn’t want to disturb her. So I headed to the others first. 

Duckie was a real character. An older gentleman who probably could have talked my ear off all night if I'd have let him. Maybe one of these nights I would indulge him, but today I was looking to make a good impression with my new boss. 

I cleared 2 tables before checking on the miners.  

They wanted another round of beer and my phone number. I told Jed it was probably getting close to cut off time for them, He seemed impressed with my judgement. 

As I was taking another girls’ order, I made awkward eye contact with Steph. 

Her face lit up as I immediately diverted my eyes. I would have to check on her next. There was no putting it off any longer. 

I had to take the girls’ order 2 times before my brain processed it correctly.  

I felt pathetic. Girls don’t usually turn me into a braindead moron. 

I brought the table’s order back to Jed when Gabe intercepted me. 

He handed me a small tray with a beer and 2 strange green shots on it. 

“Take this to Steph.” He said.

“Okay.” 

I took a deep breath and walked the tray around the bar.  She looked up as I approached her table. 

“Hey.” was the best I could come up with.

“You’re Alex right? I’m Steph.” 

“Nice to meet you.” I smiled. 

She smiled.

I suddenly remembered I was holding a tray and started putting the glasses onto her table. 

“Thanks.” She said, “I didn’t realize you were Gabe’s sister earlier. Sorry I didn’t have time to talk.” 

“That’s okay.” 

“Sit for a minute.” She said. 

I took a small glance around realizing I’d mostly helped everyone in the restaurant recently. I could afford to sit for a minute.

I slid into the chair.

“So, I have something important to ask you.” She said.

“..Oh? Go ahead.” I said.

A grin came over her. “Would you like to participate in the city wide larp this weekend?” 

“Ah.” I chuckled. “I’ve uh, never done that before. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”

“That’s no problem! I’ve got a lot of first timers signed up. If you want, I could come by after work and we could build your character.” 

“I mean, I’m a total noob though. You’re gonna have to teach me everything.” 

“That’s okay. I’ve been doing this since.. Forever really.” Steph smiled. “I’ll hard carry.” 

I smiled too. 

She’s fucking infectious.

“You know what? Alright. It sounds fun.” I said. 

Steph beamed.  “Sick. I have some cool ideas for you. You’re staying up in the loft right?” 

I nodded.

“Cool. I’ll come by at closing time.” She said. 

“Great.” I said. 

She's so forward... I subconsciously started creating scenarios in my mind.

Some time passed but it was like I didn’t realize it. 

“So..” she said. 

I wondered how long I’d been staring at her. 

“Right. I should get back to work.” I said, standing up and turning to leave. 

“Wait.” She said. 

When I turned back around she had placed one of the shots near my end of the table and was holding up the other one. 

“Cheers?” 

“Uh..” I picked up the shot glass and looked at it. “Is this nuclear?” 

Steph only shrugged and shook her head. 

“Cheers.” I said. 

We took the shots but I instantly recoiled. What I was expecting to be something light and fruity but this was almost herbal. It stung my sinuses when I tried to breath. The aftertaste was.. Licorice?  But definitely not Jäger… 

I put a hand on her table and doubled over. 

I was not going to throw this shot up in front of a hot girl but it simply wouldn’t go down. 

When I finally managed to swallow, I glared up at her.

“What the hell was that?” I choked.

Steph took her shot minimal reaction. She leaned her chin on fist, licked her lips and grinned like a fox. 

“Absinthe.“

“What the fuck.” I stood upright and brought a hand to my forehead. 

“Welcome home, Alex.” She said, sweetly. 

“Yeah, nothing says welcome like poison.” I half chuckled.

The joy evident on Steph’s face was accompanied by a bright golden aura. 

I didn’t even have to try hard to read it. 

“Old enough to drink. And really cute. Really, reaaaalllly cute.” 

I was blushing again. I turned quickly and returned to the bar.

Gabe seemed to have a moment of respite. I set the empty tray next to him. 

“How are you holding up?” He asked.

“Was that really absinthe?”  I asked.

He grinned down at me. “She actually got you to drink it?” 

I scoffed, shrugging, before looking over to where Steph was.  I could feel Gabe follow my gaze.

Steph was back to happily writing in her composite book, but as though she sensed it she looked up at us.

Her smile was only for me.  Her eyes drew me in like a magnet.  And though I couldn’t tell from this distance, it looked like the corner of her mouth was being held in place by her teeth. 

That alone, that look on her face being directed at me made me… feel things. 

“Alex in the back there’s a few tables that need to be bussed.” Jed’s voice flipped a switch in my head, sending me crashing back into reality.

 “On it.” I said, turning quickly to head to the back room.

I ran face first into Gabe’s chest.

His eyes moved slowly from Steph to me before I darted around him.

Chapter Text

“Tired?”

 Gabe came up next to me and started wiping down the bar I was leaning on. I stood up straight. 

“I should be, but I’m really not.”  I said.

I was running mostly on adrenaline from thinking about Steph coming to my apartment later. 

“It’s only the regulars left, you know,”  He said. 

“Looks like it.” I nodded. 

All of the booths were empty. The only people left in the were middle aged men sitting at the bar, and Ryan and Steph sitting at the table near the door. 

The men seemed to be close friends with Jed who was immersed in their conversation. 

“Give me a sec.” Gabe said. 

He walked up to Jed and put a hand on his shoulder before whispering something into his ear.

“Oh, yeah. Excuse me.” Jed said to the patrons.

He came downward to lean next to me. 

“You did really well today, kid.” Jed said.

“Thank you.” 

“I can guarantee you 30 hours a week right now.”

“That sounds great.” 

Jed nodded. “Sometime tomorrow before we open we’ll do the paperwork and get you on the schedule.” 

“Thank you Jed.” I said. 

I shook his hand again.

“We’re just about done here so you’re free to go.” 

“Cool, I’ll see you tomorrow then, Jed.”

I started climbing the stairs wondering what was in store for me tonight.

“Alex.” Gabe shouted. 

I turned.

“Lunch tomorrow. I’ll text you.”

“Alright.” I nodded. 

My eyes flickered across the bar. 

Steph and Ryan were both staring at me. 

Great… am I the topic of conversation? 

I entered my apartment with my ears burning. 

No, it was dumb anyway to presume they were talking about me.

They were probably just looking because Gabe brought attention to me.  

I sighed and sat on my bed, running my hands through my hair.  

My mantra of the moment was ‘Don’t get your hopes up’. 

What if Steph thought I was lame after getting to know me?  

I paced around my apartment full of doubt. I brushed my hair and wondered if it would seem desperate if I changed my clothes again. 

Probably. 

15 minutes passed and there was no sign of her. 

I wondered how long after closing she meant..

Or.. what if she forgot completely? 

Maybe she got tired.. 

10 more minutes passed and I was laying on my bed staring at the ceiling.  

You dumbass.  You had one conversation with her and you jumped to so many conclusions…  

It was so unlike me to feel so much so quickly, and all the disappointment I was feeling was the reason why.  

Just as I started thinking about going to sleep, a knock came at the door. 

I jumped to my feet and stared at it wondering if I imagined it. 

“Alex?” I heard her through the door. 

“Y-yeah, just a second.”

I ran a hand through my hair quickly and hoped I still looked halfway decent before opening the door.  

Steph grinned when our eyes met, but I was distracted by the box in her hands.

“I thought you might be hungry after your shift so I went and picked us up a pizza.” 

“Oh..” I breathed. “Wow. I didn’t even realize it until you mentioned it but I’m starving.”

Being able to look into her eyes again made all of my doubts go away.  

I smiled at her. 

Steph nodded and smiled back.

“So… can I come in?” She asked.

Oh shit.

“Sorry. Of course.” I said, taking a step back and holding the door open for her.

She cleared the room and tossed her comp book on the couch before heading to the kitchen area. She was taking plates out of the cabinets and I realized that Steph was more familiar with my apartment than I was. 

For some reason, I really liked that.

“I wasn’t sure if you were into meat so I got half pepperoni and half cheese.” She said.

“No, that's great. I like both.” I said. 

Steph chuckled to herself.  

“What?” 

She shook her head. “Nothing, I’m just.. Immature.” She said. 

She handed me a plate with a piece of each. 

I didn’t have the time to figure out what she meant, she was already moving into the living area with her own plate.

“Is the couch okay?” She asked.

“Sure.” I said.  “Uh, do you want a beer or something? I don’t think there’s much of anything else in the fridge.” 

“That’ll be fine.” She said. 

I set the bottles down on the table in front of Steph.

“Oh, bottle opener…”  I muttered, looking around.

Steph held up a finger as she took a bite from her pizza before setting it down. She pulled a lighter out of her pocket and made quick work of the bottle caps which went flying haphazardly around the apartment.

“Do you smoke?” I asked. 

“Not cigarettes.” Steph smiled wryly. 

 I nodded and took a bite of my pizza. 

“Damn, this is actually pretty good.”  I said.

“Yeah. Brown Dog makes a killing staying open late to feed the drunks when the bar closes.”

“Smart.” I said. 

I tried my best to eat like a sane person without letting on that I was completely ravenous.

I stood to get more pizza when Steph placed her plate down and picked up her comp book. 

“So.. I was thinking since it’s your first time I could have you be my assistant. “

“Assistant?” I asked, leaning against the seat and biting into my third piece.  

“Yeah.” Steph’s face lit up. “I’m turning the record store into a whole magic shop and you could help me run it. That way you could get a good idea of how-”

She paused, staring at something near my bed. 

“Is that your guitar?” She asked. 

“Yeah.” I said. “Gabe got it for me.” 

“Do you play?” She asked. 

“I’m rusty, but yeah.” 

“Awesome.” She breathed. 

She bit the inside of her cheek and continued to stare at the guitar.

It was a good thing she was so transfixed since I was trying to wrangle a huge string of cheese  into my mouth.

“Okay. Change of plans.” She said. 

She ripped the piece of paper out of her notebook and crumpled it up. 

I turned my back on her quickly to break the cheese line. 

“Okay, I’m gonna give you an intermediate role.” 

I swallowed quickly and wiped my face.

“Intermediate?”

“Yeah. It’s not super important but it’s a fun one trust me.”  She sat back down on the couch and started writing furiously.

I put the pizza down and crossed the room to sit next to her again.

“Are you any good at improv?” She asked. 

“Not really.” I said.

“You’re quick witted though.” She said. 

“I-I guess.” I said. 

She continued writing. 

I took the opportunity to stare at her without repercussions. In this lighting, her eyes were brownish, but there was a definite hint of green in there. 

Stunning. 

On top of the fact that it was a huge turn on to watch someone be so passionate about something. 

Steph wasn’t kidding when she said she was a pro at larping. 

Her eyes flicked up to meet mine and I was not prepared .. 

“I’m going to have you play a bard.”  

“A bard? That’s like.. A musician?” I asked. 

“Yeah. You’ll have complete freedom to roam the whole town, interact with anyone and play whatever you want, as long as it's appropriate to you know, ye olde times.“

Steph continued writing. 

I half laughed.  “Do you really think I could do that?” 

“Sure you can. We can look up some basic songs on youtube to give you an idea.. Okay. I need a name.” 

 “A name…?”

For a bard... ?

I wracked my brain glancing around the apartment for any kind of inspiration.  

Music…

“How about, Alto.”

“Alto..” Steph nodded. “That’s cute. You’re new to town, we could call you Alto the Wanderer” 

I grinned. “That’s perfect.” 

“Wait, Alto? Do you sing too?” She asked. 

“Ah.. not really in front of other human beings.” I said. 

Steph’s face lit up again. 

She's so damn expressive.

“Okay off topic, but we’re gonna have to jam sometime. I play drums and you sing and play guitar.”  

I laughed, “But I really am rusty.”

“Who cares. We can practice together.” 

I was lost in her eyes again.  

The truth? I had never had the opportunity to jam with another musician before.  I didn’t know the first thing about it, and the thought of looking an idiot in front of Steph was terrifying. But… 

How does one say no to Steph?  And why did I feel perfectly okay knowing she could probably get me to do anything she wants? .

“Alright. But… be patient with me.”  I said. 

She smiled. “Judgement free zone, I promise. Music is sacred.” 

I nodded in agreement. 

She handed me the notebook and I started reading my backstory. 

I escaped a dangerous imperial city to find a better life in Havenbrook using my charm and musical talent to earn my way. I have an unusually high charisma that makes it so that I can barter easily and make people like me.  

I apparently had a smile that could stop people in their tracks.

I had to stop reading because I was smiling too big. 

Looking up I could see Steph smiling too.

“What do you think?” She asked. 

“It’s a little self indulgent.”

Steph laughed. “And that’s okay, because you didn’t write it.” 

She pulled out her phone and started scrolling for a bit. 

“I’m starting to feel better about this. You’re really good at it.”  I said. 

“Grab your guitar.” She said. 

“Uh.. Okay.” I got to my feet. 

Damn, she’s putting me on the spot. 

I got up and took my time getting my guitar, anxiety spiking everywhere. 

I stood in front of her unable to believe I was about to do this. 

She set her phone down on the table and a few moments later, a song began playing out of it.

It sounded like a generic tavern theme you might hear in some kind of RPG.  It was actually pretty basic, mostly just strumming. 

After a few 8 counts I started strumming along. 

Steph smiled, her eyes watching my hands. 

An aura grew around her, a light pink. 

I focused on it.

“She really does know how to play. “  

Her eyes flickered to my face.

“And that hat would look so fucking cute on her..” 

I felt myself turning red but I had nowhere to hide. Instead, I tried to follow one of the more difficult riffs in the song with no problem. 

“You can play by ear.” Steph said. 

“Yeah, but like I said, rusty.” 

She shrugged. “I’m not seeing it.” 

The video ended so I stopped playing with a flourish and a nervous laugh. 

“You’re gonna be great.” Steph said. 

“I’m excited.” I said, leaving out the part where the anxiety was threatening to devour me. 

I leant the guitar against the table and reclaimed my seat beside her. 

“So, for your outfit, you can just wear your guitar on your back when you’re not playing it. And I’ve got the perfect hat you can borrow.” She said.

“Sounds easy enough.” I nodded.

Steph closed the composite book and picked up her half eaten piece of pizza. 

Was that all we needed to go over? I didn’t want her to leave yet… 

“So, where did you learn to do all of this?” I asked. 

“Back in highschool while everyone was out getting laid and having a social life, I was the awkward kid in the corner of the quad playing dnd.” She said,

“I can’t imagine you being awkward.” I said. 

She raised her eyebrows. “Believe it. I didn’t really come out of my shell really until I got to Seattle. “

I tried to imagine a world where Steph wasn’t the most interesting thing in the room to look at at any given time, in any given room. 

“What about you?” She asked.

“What about me?”

“What were you like as a teenager?” 

“I was… mostly a loner.” I said. 

I could spare her the details about how many fights I’d been in until we were closer. I didn’t wanna ruin the mood with horror stories from foster homes. 

“Well, you’re not alone anymore.” She said, as if she could sense my sadness. 

I smiled softly.  

“How was your first day in Haven?” 

“It’s probably a 16 out of 10 compared to everywhere else I’ve lived.” I said. “But I feel a little out of place.” 

“That’ll go away.” She said, “I haven’t even been here that long compared to everyone else.” 

“I hope so..” 

I sat in silence as Steph finished her beer. She turned the screen on her phone to check the time.  

And I had nothing to say.  

“So, here’s an important question.” She said, stone faced. 

I hid my grin. Did she not want to leave, either? 

“Okay.” 

“Saosin or Circa Survive?”  She asked.

I beamed.

“Come on, that’s not even up for debate. I mean, both. But Circa Survive is like… I could put them on whenever. Even their new stuff.” 

“Agree.” Steph smiled, “Bright eyes or Dashboard?”  

“Psh, Bright eyes.” I said, looking scandalized by the question. 

“Metric or Warpaint?” 

“Oh no, that one's hard..” I said. “But I’m gonna go with Warpaint. Jennylee Lindberg is like, so hot.” 

Steph’s eyes widened.

“You like girls?” She asked.

“I.. like both.” I said. 

Steph’s aura burned bright yellow.

“But.. lately, I've been leaning towards girls.” I said, with a smile.

Steph grinned. “And your type is chicks in bands, huh?” 

“I might have a soft spot for them, yes.” 

“I seeeee.” She said, a knowing smirk.  

I already know your secret Steph.

“Gabe said you were in a band, right?” I asked.

“I was.” Steph said. Her smile was enormous. “Nothing huge, but we played a few shows. It was awesome.”

Steph’s aura was literally screaming so many things at once I couldn’t make any of them out. 

I took it as an indication to keep the line of questioning going. 

“You like girls, too?” I asked. 

“Yeah.” She said. 

“Cool.” 

We smiled in opposite directions at the same time. Eye contact was becoming very difficult. 

“So, did you... leave anyone special back home?” Steph asked. 

“Nooo. No no. The people I was stuck around back home aren’t exactly the kind of people you’d want to enter a serious relationship with, much less leave your wallet around.“ 

“That sucks.”

I nodded.

“But it’s not terrible being single.” She said. 

“You too?” I asked. 

“Yeah. It’s hard to meet someone in a small town like this when you already know everyone.” She chuckled.

“I bet.” 

“It’s okay. Every now and then someone new comes through.” She said.

Her smile vanished immediately after the words left her mouth, as if she’d just realized what she said. 

She was the one to look away first this time.  

I couldn’t breathe. My heart was beating so fucking fast. 

She took a deep breath and looked at her phone again.

“Well, it’s getting kind of late.. You're probably like really tired.” She eventually said.  

“Kind of.” I gave a half smile.

“I’ll get going.” She grabbed her comp book and stood up. 

I stood with her and walked her to the entrance, holding the door open for her.

“Thanks for dinner.” I said.

“No problem. I had a lot of fun.” 

“I did too.” I smiled. 

She smiled, too. 

“I’ll bring the bard hat to the record shop tomorrow, stop by sometime to pick it up.”

“I will.” I said. 

Steph’s eyes flickered up and down me like an elevator as it looked like she was trying to find words.. I bit my tongue hard.  

“..Have a good night Alex.”  She said eventually. 

“You too.” I said.  

I watched her go down the stairs for a bit before closing the door.  

As soon as the door was shut I let out a heavy sigh. 

Oh my god.  

I began pacing again, not really sure where I was going but unable to process my thoughts. 

It was obvious, right? Steph was hardcore flirting and the whole time I felt like I could barely form an intelligent response.  

But my face hurt from smiling.  

I picked up the pizza box to put it in the fridge and it came to me.

“I wasn’t sure if you were into meat.” 

Fucking hilarious. 

The restaurant was busier than I expected it would be.  

I glanced around before I saw Gabe’s hand up in the air. 

“Sorry I’m late.” I said when I sat down.

“Do you always wake up at 1pm?” He asked, grinning. 

“No, I just.. Must have been tired.”

He pushed a menu towards me. 

I ordered the chicken soup, having not feeling so well after drinking so much the day before. 

“So..” Gabe said. 

“So?” I asked. 

“How are you liking it?” he asked. 

“It’s good.” I said.

“And the job?” 

“Yeah, not bad.” I said. 

“I’m just impressed you were still upright by the end of the night.” He said. 

“Me too, to be honest.” I said, sipping at my soup. 

“Do you think you’ll end up getting bored here?” Gabe asked.

“No. What makes you ask that?”  

“I don't know. It’s a much slower pace than you’re used to, right?” 

“It is. But.. maybe I need that right now.” I said, “Besides, it seems like people find ways to keep busy around here. Hey are you participating in that larp this weekend?”

“Yeah. It started because Ethan really wanted to, but now I think I’m more excited about it.” Gabe laughed.  “Are you doing it?” 

“I’m going to be a bard.” I said. 

“Steph got to you, huh?” He asked. 

I nodded. “It sounds fun. I’ve never done anything like it before.”  

Gabe ran his napkin over his mouth before setting it on his empty plate. 

“Steph’s pretty cool, huh?”  He asked. 

I smiled. “Yeah I can’t believe she put the whole thing together herself. It must have been so much work.” 

Gabe nodded, staring at me. His eyes moved towards the door and he sat up straight.

I turned to see Ryan and Steph walking in before turning back to Gabe.

“Did you invite them?” I asked, feeling my anxiety rise.

“No. It’s a small town, Alex.” Gabe grinned. 

“Hey, mind if we join you guys?” Ryan asked. 

“Sure.” Gabe said, scooting over in the booth.  

I did the same, and Ryan sat next to me. Steph diagonally across.

She was wearing a black tank top today. 

It was deadly. I tried my best not to look. 

“How are you holding up?” Ryan asked me. 

“A little hung over this morning.” I said. “I wasn’t expecting so many people to want me to take shots with them.”

“Let me know when it becomes too much next time, I’ll water them down for you.”  Gabe said. 

“Oh that’s a good idea.” I said. 

“It’s Gabe’s fault anyway. He shouted it out on social media that you were coming.”  Ryan said.

“Great.” I rolled my eyes, stirring my soup.  

“Did you get those props done?” Steph asked Gabe.

“Everything’s ready.” Gabe turned to her, “Actually, Ethan did most of the work but the stuff looks incredible.” He said.

Steph beamed. “God, I'm so excited. If this goes well I could probably talk the city council into making it a yearly event.” 

She was excited. Her aura was burning, but beyond that, she had really nice shoulders and pronounced a collarbone. I was looking without trying and it didn’t take long for me to get caught.

She was clearly waiting for me to notice she was watching me checking her out.  

Her lip curled before turning to Gabe. “Did Alex tell you she’s gonna be a bard?”

I was so grateful she didn’t make it obvious… 

“Yeah.” Gabe said. “Your idea?” 

“Yeah, but she’s gonna own the role.” Steph said, her eyes flickering back to mine. “I think she’ll be a natural.” 

I found myself grinning into my bowl of soup. 

When I looked up again I could see Ryan and Gabe sharing a look. 

What’s that about?

“Could we get a menu, please?” Steph asked a passing waitress. 

“Aren’t you glad Alex started on such a tame night?” Ryan asked Gabe. 

“ That was a tame night?” I asked. 

Gabe’s face went serious, but Ryan was smirking. 

“On the weekends we tend to get out of towners. I can’t tell you how many fights Gabe and I have broken up.”  

Uh oh.

“If that ever happens when you’re there I just want you to go in the back and wait.” Gabe said to me. 

I’m afraid I won’t be able to do that.. 

“Have you ever been hurt?” I asked Gabe. 

“Just some bruises.” He said. 

If I ever saw someone punch Gabe I know I’d lose control. And then I’d probably lose my job. My Apartment. And I might even spend some time in jail. 

Why didn’t I ever think about the possibility of bar fights happening in a bar?

Gabe would never look at me the same way again. 

And Steph wouldn’t wanna be with someone so violent , surely. 

That’s all it took to make me come cascading down this mountain of emotions.  

Somehow one good day made me forget who I was inherently.  

A freak with a broken brain. 

“Are you okay?” Steph asked. 

I looked up to notice all 3 of them staring at me. 

“I’m fine.” I said, smiling. 

Ryan and Gabe exchanged another look. 

I pushed my empty soup bowl forward and sat back against the booth. 

“So what are you doing tonight?” Steph asked. 

I looked up to see that she was looking at me. 

“Oh, I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I don’t really have any plans.”

Steph leaned forward, palms flat against the table with the most serious business face I’d ever seen her wear. 

“We should jam tonight.” She nodded. 

I smiled at her cause I couldn’t help it. 

But could Steph really not see the way Gabe was looking at her?  

Or did she just not care?

Either way, I couldn’t say no to her.

“Let’s.. See if I feel better later. I still kind of got a headache now.” I said.

Without a word, Steph pushed my untouched glass of water closer to me. 

I laughed.

“Dehydration sucks.” Steph said, smiling. 

How the hell does she do that?

One smile or action and it’s like she can flip my entire mood in 180 degrees. 

“Gimme your phone.” She said to me. 

I unlocked it and handed it to her. 

I watched as Steph put her number in my phone and I knew then that, headache or not, I would probably be jamming with her later tonight. 

We left them with the table just as their food got there. 

When Gabe decided to join me back to the apartment, I anticipated the worst. 

His mood was confused, but not defined. I couldn’t read exactly what was bothering him.  

I flopped onto the bed after we came inside.  

His eyes fell to the guitar still leaning against the table from last night.

“How does it play?” He asked.

“It’s perfect.” I beamed. 

“Good.” He said. “I wasn’t sure if you were still into Seagull’s or not.” 

He crossed into the kitchen area. 

“Canada’s finest.” I said, a hand covering my eyes to stave off the headache.

I heard the fridge open.

“Brown dog. When did you go there?” He asked. 

“Oh. Steph brought it by last night after work.” I said. 

Silence.

I peaked one of my eyes out from under my hand to see Gabe standing there in front of the open refrigerator, immersed in blue. 

“How the fuck do you even ask this without coming off as offensive.”

I closed my eyes again and sighed. 

It’s time to get this out of the way. 

“Alex.”  

“Yeah?” 

“You know Steph likes girls, right?” He asked.

“Actually, I think you’re the one that told me that already.” I said. 

I looked at him. He looked so uncomfortable. 

He put his elbow up on the fridge door and rubbed his forehead. 

“I feel like I don’t really know you very well anymore, but do you like girls too?” He asked. 

“I’m bisexual, Gabe.” 

He didn’t look surprised, but he still looked troubled. 

I raised my eyebrows. “Is that a problem?” 

“No. Oh NO. Not like that.” He said, raising his hands. “I just, I don't, I pictured it differently. Big brother things.” 

I squinted at him, “What the hell does that mean?” 

He shrugged. “I just imagined some idiot guy breaking your heart and getting to talk to him .  With a baseball bat.” 

I wanted to laugh.  

“That’s… archaic.” 

“I can’t hit a girl with a baseball bat.” He looked so disappointed. 

“You don’t have to hit anyone, okay? I’m fully capable of taking care of myself.” 

He closed the fridge, and stared down at the beer in his hand. 

“So.. Do you like Steph?” He asked. 

“Ugh.” I closed my eyes again. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me but.. We ... don’t have to do this .” 

“I mean.” He smirked, sitting on the end of the bed. “I am your only family member and closest confidant.” 

“Gabe, I swear to god.” I groaned, covering my entire face with my hands. 

It felt hot.  

He held his palms up defensively. “Just.. as an outsider, it seems like she’s into you.”

I uncovered just my eyes to look at him, my glasses resting against my forehead. 

”I’ve known her for a while, you know, she doesn’t act like this with everyone.” 

My dumbass took the bait. 

“...Really?” I asked, my voice muffled by my hands. 

Gabe’s face slowly transformed from his serious visage. The ends of his lips curled into a wicked smirk. 

He stood up and doubled over to get into my face.

“Alex has a cruuu-uuush.” He started in a low sing-song tone that he repeated each time louder and louder. 

Oh, hell no. 

I sat up, incensed. He already began his retreat.

The gleeful smile on his face made him look like a kid again. It would have made me feel soft if it wasn’t for the subject matter causing it. 

“Shut up Gabe.” 

“Let’s shout it to the world!” He guffawed, setting his beer down and heading for the nearest window. “I bet the whole town could hear us!” 

I bounded after him, leaping onto his back just as he was able to slide the window down. 

My hand came around him to cover his mouth just in time. I could feel him laughing hysterically against it, gross Gabe slobber and all. 

“I swear to god Gabe if you don't stop I’m gonna rip your fucking beard off.” 

He started laughing harder. 

I used my other hand to close the window in front of him.  

“Are you gonna stop?” I asked. 

He couldn’t answer. Instead I pulled him back and pushed him to fall back against the couch. 

Surely the whole town could hear him laughing. 

“You’re a dick.” I said.

He was wiping tears from his eyes trying to catch his breath. I folded my arms and glared at him. 

“Promise me you won’t tell her.” I said. 

“Come on, I wouldn’t do that..” Gabe beamed. 

“Promise.” 

“Fine, I promise.” He said

“You’re still a damn child.” I chuckled, crossing the room and sitting on the bed.

“Alex.”  

“What?” 

He was back on his feet now, using the back of the hand to get the last bits of moisture from the corners of his eyes. 

“I meant what I said though. She does seem like she’s into you.  And.” 

He looked thoughtful for a moment.  

“She’s a really cool chick. If I were to be archaic, ”  he said the word in a mocking tone complete with air quotes. “I would approve of her, if you got together.” 

I didn’t know what to say.  

I just smiled.  

“I won’t tell.” He said again.

“Thank you.” I said. 

“I’m still bummed I won't get to use the baseball bat though.” He said. 

“Maybe one day.” I rolled my eyes. 

“I’ll let you rest so you can go jam with your lady friend later.”  He said. 

Lady friend. God Gabe is so cringe when he wants to be .

I laid back in the bed and listened to him exit. 

“Maybe I could use a pool noodle on her instead..” He almost sounded like he said to himself before the door closed. 

8:00pm and here I am, walking down the street like a complete douchebag with a guitar case to make an ass out of myself in front of the beautiful girl on the radio.  

Steph had texted about an hour ago saying that she wouldn’t be able to have a long session tonight since she had to be up early tomorrow to set up the larp, but that she still wanted me to come. 

My headache was long gone and she knew damn well I had nowhere else to be, but the answer was yes. Of course I wanted to see her, as painfully awkward as it was bound to be.  

She’ll see the rust tonight. 

The storefront was dark, but when I tried to peek through it I heard the lock click.  

“Hey Alex.” Steph grinned, holding the door open for me.  

I walked inside. 

It felt cool to be inside of a record store after dark. All of the main lights were turned off but everything that had a neon glow was still on. Blues and reds and greens. It gave the shop a great atmosphere. 

“Back here.” She said, leading me into the back room.  

In a very small cramped room, there was a couch, a mini fridge and in the narrow corner, Steph’s drum set.  

It was way more intimate than I imagined.

This is really happening.. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked. 

“A hundred percent.” I said. 

“I’m glad.” Steph said. “Excited to play?” 

“Yeah. I really am. “ I said.  

She motioned around, “Feel free to use the couch or whatever, wander around if you want. Judgement free zone.”

I set my case on the couch and opened it, pulling the strap around my shoulder and checking again then every string was still tuned correctly.  

When I turned around again and saw Steph sitting behind her drum set, something about that just hit differently .  

Why are drummers so fucking hot?  

She pointed with her drumstick. “Plug’s right by your feet there.” 

I plugged in my guitar and gave it an experimental strum so I’d be prepared for the volume.

“Let’s warm up a little, yeah?” She asked. “I’ll play a beat and you can just.. Come in when you want.” She said. 

I nodded stiffly. 

“Alex… Relax.” She smiled. 

I took deep breath and nodded again

Steph shook her head and brought her drumsticks together 2 times before standing up. 

“Wait!”

She put her sticks down on the tom drum. 

“Just… hang on, I'll be right back.” She said. 

The first thing that came to mind was that Alt-J song from the other day.  I began warming up my hands doing the riff. I didn’t usually play with an amp, so everything felt more dramatic. She’d probably be able to hear me from wherever she went.  

I strummed along absentmindedly as I stared at Steph’s drum set, wondering how I’m possibly gonna stay on beat while watching her play.  

She looks so good today… 

I turned on the spot and found Steph leaning against the doorway watching me.

I stopped playing. 

“..What?” I asked. 

She shook her head dismissively. “I’m just excited to see you play. Here.” 

She walked up close to me before I could see what she was holding behind her back. 

She stopped a lot closer than I expected. My instinct told me to take a step back but I held my ground. 

I felt her putting something on my head. Something… far too big for my head. It came to rest diagonally across my face, obscuring the vision out of one of my eyes. 

Steph smiled. “It’s a little big, but I think that makes it look cuter. “

She pushed it back so that it came to rest against the back of my neck.  

I looked around for a reflective surface. 

I could see myself in the window. It was essentially a fancy looking red beret with a big feather sticking out of it.  

I chuckled when I saw it. 

“Really?” I asked, turning to look back at her. 

“It’s perfect.” She said. 

“I guess I’ll jam in character tonight.” I said. 

Steph headed back behind her drums, I came to stand directly in front of her. 

After all, I do have unusually high charisma now.  

“Ready?” She asked. 

“Ready.” I said. 

She chose a pretty basic beat to start, but her timing was perfect.  I could tell right away that she was a very talented drummer.

I nodded my head along with her for a while. 

Her eyes were distant, as though she was in another world. I wasn’t sure if she was aware but every time she hit a cymbal it was reflected in her face.  She bit her lip after a complicated fill and looked up at me.  

She was suddenly in control of my heart beat.  

With a big sigh, I took off my glasses and set them aside before I started strumming along with her. 

Chapter Text

Blackout shades.

I desperately needed blackout shades.

The sunlight came in directly onto my face. I rolled onto my side to turn my back to the sun.  

I opened an eye.

11:00am. 

I’m almost a normal human being. 

The larp was set to begin at 11:30.

I could probably be a little late. 

My eyes tracked across my apartment landing on the guitar case and the clothes I’d shed before crawling into bed. 

I felt that familiar feeling in my chest again as I thought about last night. I saw Steph’s breathtaking gaze drilling into me every time I closed my eyes. What an incredible night.

Once we found a groove together, she looked the happiest I’d ever seen her. 

Her joy infected me and I quickly became more comfortable. We went from playing free form to picking out actual songs, and I even started singing eventually. 

She really liked that. 

We learned how to take cues from each other if we wanted to divert from the original song, as though we could communicate without speaking at all.  

And for once it wasn’t just one sided… 

I sighed and rolled out of bed, heading straight for the shower in an attempt to wash these thoughts away.

For now… 

It was becoming increasingly obvious that I couldn’t run from these feelings forever, but I had a big day today and I needed to focus. 

I was to be a bard today, and to be honest if Steph was into larping, then I wanted to do a damn good job at it. 

I spent a long time trying to perfect my outfit, deciding my yellow flannel would make me stand out the most with the red hat I was wearing. 

When I was ready to go I sat on my bed for a long moment. It occurred to me that I had no idea what I was doing.  If Steph had just made me her assistant I could have played off of her but I’m supposed to wander around the town on my own? 

I stood up and slung my guitar over my back.  

With one more look at the mirror and a chuckle at how ridiculous I looked, I started heading downstairs. 

I wasn’t expecting what I found.

It was darker than it should have been in the bar.  

When I got to ground level I realized that all of the overhead lights were turned out.  Everything was lit by candlelight.  

Wow, even the Black Lantern is participating, did Steph set all this up by herself?” 

It was so dark I almost walked out without noticing Gabe and, I supposed, Ethan sitting at one of the booths.

I took off my guitar and sat down with them. It seemed like they were having a brief respite before joining the larp.

“This is my sister, Alex.” Gabe said to Ethan. 

“Cool.” Ethan grinned. “Are you a bard?” 

“Yep.” I said.  

“Can you really play guitar?” He asked.

“A bit.” I smiled. 

“She’s being modest.” Gabe said. “Alex is a great guitar player.”

“That’d be cool to learn one day.” Ethan said. 

“Well if someone ever gets you a guitar,” I smirked at Gabe, “ I’d be happy to give you some pointers.” 

“Awesome!” Ethan said.  

Gabe took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, staring back at me. 

“I’m gonna use the bathroom before we go back out.” Ethan said before leaving the table. 

I eyed the wicked looking helmet that was sitting in front of Gabe before leaning forward. 

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing? I have no idea what to do.” I said in a small voice. 

“To be honest,” Gabe smiled, “When I found out Ethan was into this stuff I kinda researched it online so yeah, I do have an idea.” 

“Help.” I pleaded. 

“Look, okay. If you look around you you’re gonna find little clues that can set you onto quests. Don’t worry about… jumping into interactions right away. You can observe at first and get an idea.” Gabe said. “As a bard, you don't even have to really do combat, you can just do social larping if that makes you more comfortable.”

I looked around the bar and started noticing the little details. The decorations appeared to be more than decorations now, but detailed flyers.  

“Holy shit, she did so much work.” I said.

Gabe stood up and put his helmet on when Ethan returned.  It actually looked pretty badass and covered most of his face. 

“She did,” He said, “And.. It seems like she placed everything very deliberately too.” Gabe said. 

He stared at me for an extra beat to add emphasis to this point. 

“You ready?” Gabe asked Ethan.  

Ethan grabbed his sword and made for the door. 

Gabe turned before exiting.

“Just… Have fun.” He said.  

I sighed and stood back up, putting my guitar onto my back again, deciding to check out some of these clues.

I read advertisements for weapon enhancements.  Blacksmithing, potions, jewelcrafters… 

How did she manage to think of all of this?

In the back room I caught a glimpse of something shiny under the table. 

A piece of gold.

Sweet. Free loot. 

Might need that later. 

I just about made my way around the entire bar when I came across a flyer pinned directly to a bannister leading to my apartment. 

“House Bard wanted” 

Seeking a house bard to entertain at dinners, dances, beheadings etc.

Black hair prefered. Cute smile a plus.

Excellent compensation.

Enquire at the Magpie Emporium

I reread this flyer several times, not believing what I was seeing.

I removed the flyer from the bannister, folding and pocketing it. 

This was clearly the plan she had out for me.  I would probably go see her and she’d have some kind of quest..

It seemed easy enough but I couldn’t understand how she was so confident all the damn time?  

She even flirts via flyers?

Part of me wanted to turn it back on her, but how?  

I pulled out my character sheet to read it one more time. 

Charisma and charm. If Steph saw this in me, I should try and be more assertive.  

I stuffed the sheet back into my pocket and took a deep breath before exiting the bar. 

My second surprise of the day was that even in this outfit, I didn’t look out of place. There were so many more people than I expected participating. People carrying crude swords and staves and daggers, vendors selling obscure vegetables and ‘potion ingredients’. The town butcher even had a pig carcass hanging from his stall.  

Given how small Haven was so small to begin with, it really felt real. This could pass for the 1800s.  

The park seemed to be where most of the combat was taking place, but the town was just as lively. I pulled my guitar in front of me and began playing a nondescript tune. I took Gabe’s advice and just observed for at least an hour.  

I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about doing this, but seeing so many people enjoying themselves helped me understand why Steph was so into this. This should be a yearly event. I couldn’t think of anything that could bring the community closer than this. 

My first interaction was with an older man who had clearly been drinking. He had a song request. When I told him I didn’t know it he started singing it and I just played along.  

It was rough at first, but by the end of it he gave me a gold piece for my trouble.  

Perhaps, there would be something cool I could buy at the magic shop..

I began inching my way down the street in that direction. 

The more people I saw participating, the more I felt myself getting drawn into it.  

I gave a few younger kids a dramatic bow as I passed them.  

Maybe this isn’t as hard as I first thought. 

I paced back and forth in front of the storefront a few times as I worked up my nerve to go inside.  

It looked like there were a few people already in there and I decided it would be easier to slip in while she was distracted.  

I made it all the way back to where the records started without getting noticed but upon closer inspection they weren’t records anymore but magic spells and potion recipes. I marveled at the detail for a long while until I heard the music.  

Steph’s record player was playing another one of those generic RPG-ey themes. It was very simple and repeated after a short while.  

As she helped the other adventurers in the shop, I started to play along with it.  

It was the first time we made eye contact.  

Holy smoke show, Steph looks spectacular.  

She wore a witches hat and smiled at me from under its brim but quickly fell back into character while helping her patron.  

I slowly walked around the store looking at everything without missing a beat of the song I was playing as my mind raced trying to figure out how I was going to approach this.  

How would Alto react to meeting such a beautiful girl? 

I bided my time waiting for the store to clear out. One by one I observed every interaction Steph had with each of her customers, giving me a better idea about her character. 

Somehow it made me start feeling more confident about my own character.. 

My bard would be a carefree, impulsive character if all I had to go on was charisma and charm, I had to turn it up to 100. 

The last customer was almost done with their transaction, and I had my back to Steph deliberately. 

Can I pull this off? 

Fuck yeah I can.  

I had it all planned out now, and it was kind of risky but I was beyond the point where I could suppress my feelings for Steph any longer.

I also had the safety net that if this didn’t go over well, I could simply say it was in character. 

I turned around, more than ready.  I stared at her as she spoke with the patron.  

I concentrated until I was able to read her aura.  

“I knew she’d look cute as a bard. It looks like she’s really trying to play her character. I wonder if she saw my flyer…” 

I just continued staring. On the fly, I started playing a Thursday song I was familiar with, wondering if Steph would pick up on the motif. 

“I wish you the best adventurer.” She said as the warrior in front of her left the shop 

A moment later she turned to me.

We shared an out of character smile of acknowledgement before her serious face returned.

“What can I do for you, Bard?” She asked. 

I sighed dramatically and pulled my guitar over my head. I came to stand in front of her, holding the guitar by the fret in front of my body.

“Miss, I came here for one purpose but now, I can’t help but feel conflicted.” 

The corner of Steph’s lip quivered.  

“And why is that?” 

“You see, I came here seeking work after seeing this flyer,” I pulled it out to show her. ”I’m pretty sure I meet all of the prerequisites.” I smiled widely.

She smiled too. “It seems that you do.”

“But, you must excuse me, where I come from, sorceresses are nothing but… dangerous old crones.” I said. 

Steph looked somewhat impressed. “You know nothing of my age or ability.”

I locked eyes with her confidently. “It’s true, and yet it doesn’t deter me. Because when I came into your shop today, I did not expect to lay eyes on the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”

Steph’s face went completely blank.  

The desired effect.  I smiled once more and shook my head. 

“I’m afraid I can no longer ask you for employment. Instead,”

I slid down onto one knee.  Steph’s mouth fell open.

“I want to ask for your hand.” 

I could see she was trying very hard to stay in character, but all she could do was stammer.  After a while she leaned onto the desk in front of her and smiled.

“Alex…” She chuckled, shaking her head, bringing a hand to cover her face.

For the first time ever, I saw Steph turn red.

I grinned back. “You mistake me for someone else, Miss. I’m Alto.” 

Steph’s aura was flaring bright orange. 

“How is she so good at this? This is the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me in or out of character… Does she really think I’m beautiful?”

I wanted to reassure her right away. How could she not know she was beautiful? 

She stood upright and shook her head experimentally.  

“If I were to give you my hand, I would need you to prove yourself to me first.”

“Of course, I’m just a lowly bard. What do I need to do?” I asked. 

Steph looked thoughtful for a moment.  

“Go out into the world and return to me when you can perform a genuine act of magic in front of me.” She said.

I got to my feet and pulled my guitar over my shoulder again. 

“If that’s what It takes.” I said with a chugging chord on the guitar. 

Steph beamed.  

“Good luck Alto.” She said. “I really hope you find a way.”  

I pulled the door open and turned to her, hitting her with my strongest wink.  

I wasn’t sure if I imagined it but it seemed like she took a step back from the force of it.  

I walked down the street completely lost in my own head. The larp didn’t matter anymore. It was basically over. I won the day. 

I felt like the action hero protagonist walking away from an explosion without looking back. My heart was thudding, frantic, like a double bass pedal in a death metal solo. I could feel it in my ears. 

I hoped that whole scene put some ideas into Steph’s mind and I hoped that she knew there was more than roleplaying going on. 

About halfway down the street, I remembered I had a guitar still and began playing it. I had no idea where to go now.  

A magic spell..

I wondered if she had some place set up where I could learn magic on the fly. 

Across the street I saw Gabe sitting on a park bench.  

I crossed and sat beside him.

“How come you aren’t out fighting?” I asked.

He glared at me. “Got killed.”

“What? Who would kill you off so early? That’s criminal.” 

“Some of those guys out there are super aggressive. Ethan’s kicking ass though. I’m in respawn time out.”  

“It’s nice that they let you respawn at least.” 

“Yeah. How’s your experience going?” He asked.

I grinned. “I crushed it Gabe.” 

“How’d you do that?” 

I couldn’t look him in the face.

“Well, my character fell in love at first sight and proposed to Steph….’s character.” I said, staring at my feet. 

He didn’t say anything until I lifted my head. 

“You’re like a whole bag of cornballs.” He shook his head. 

“I know.  I think it went over well though.” I laughed. “Hey, do you know where I can learn magic?”

“Can’t.” He said. “Steph says it's inherent.”

“Inherent?” 

“Yeah. Like, you have to be born magical.” Gabe said. 

“Oh.” 

So Steph didn’t intend for me to be able to cast magic for her.  

It was probably for the better, my little play could go from being cute to being annoying in no time flat if I wasn't careful, and I think I got my point across anyway. 

At the same time, as I sat there thinking about magic I knew that I could go back in at any time and show Steph that I could read her feelings.  

Would that be considered genuine magic? 

Even though she’d probably think I was insane, I had the urge to tell her about my abilities.  It was starting to bug me because It felt intrusive and wrong to overhear her thoughts, especially when they were about me.  

I hadn’t even told Gabe about it yet and I only knew Steph for a few days. Why did I feel more comfortable telling her ?

After Gabe got out of timeout, I remained on the bench and watched the others larp combat for the rest of the day while I thought about Steph. Making Steph flustered.. Actually making her break out of character.

My heart was still beating so fast.  

This was bound to reach a precipice soon? Surely… 

Who would confess first?  

If Steph didn’t do it soon, I would have to before I lost my mind.  

Before I knew it the sun began taking a downward turn and I noticed people on the main street were starting to clean up their stalls. I decided to make my way back to my place to put my guitar back.

I took the bard hat off to hang on the wall so I’d remember to give it back to Steph next time I saw her.  

I slid my hands into my pockets and pulled out the contents.

2 gold coins. My character sheet and the advertisement for the house bard.

I read it again and smiled to myself before pinning the advert up on the wall near my bed.  

I left my character sheet on the desk and the gold coins I pocketed thinking I’d give them to Ethan next time I saw him. 

I headed back downstairs to find that the lights were on. Jed appeared to be getting the bar ready to open up for business again, though he was still wearing a king’s crown.

I smiled at him.

“Gonna be busy tonight.” He said. 

“Are you gonna need me?” I asked. 

He shook his head. “Gabe’ll handle it. I have you officially starting on the schedule tomorrow night.” 

“Cool.” I grinned. “But, if it becomes too much tonight I wouldn’t mind stepping in.”

“Enjoy what you can of your weekend Alex. We got this.” 

The bar’s door opened and Ethan and Gabe came walking in.

Gabe had a wicked grin as he took his helmet off. “I killed my murderer.” 

“Way to go.” I grinned.

Gabe pointed out a nearby booth to Ethan, the boy climbed in, knees first. 

“Char’s gonna pick him up from here in a few minutes.” He said. 

“Did you have fun?” I asked Ethan. 

“It was the best.” Ethan said, “I wish it didn’t have to end.” 

“Well if Steph gets her way it’ll definitely happen again.” I said, sliding into the booth across from him, “Here.” 

I tossed him my spare gold. He beamed at me. 

“I’m so excited for you to meet Char.” Gabe said, sitting next to me.

“I am too.” I said. 

My phone vibrated and I pulled it out. A new text message from Steph.

“You’re amazing.”

Slightly taken aback, I typed back “Why am I amazing?”  

“Is that Steph?” Gabe asked. “Tell her everybody’s coming to the lantern tonight.

“I will.”  I said.

“Gabe said you have a crush on Steph.” Ethan said. 

I put my phone on the table slowly before fixing Gabe with my deadliest gaze. 

“I didn’t tell her. ” He said.  

“I won’t either.” Ethan interjected. 

“No. Why would you tell him ?” I said through gritted teeth. 

“He didn’t.” Ethan said. “He told my mom, I just overheard it.” 

Gabe shrugged.

My phone vibrated again. 

“You were my best interaction today. I can’t believe it was your first time. Seriously. You’re super fucking cool Alex.” 

I smiled down at my phone.

“She’s got it bad.” Ethan said. 

“Ethan, you’re gonna get my butt kicked.” Gabe shook his head pointedly. 

Ethan chuckled. 

“Come to the lantern.” I typed back.

“Heyyy.”  

I looked up to see a woman standing near our table.

She’s gorgeous.  

“You’re Alex?” She asked.

“I am.” 

“I’m Charlotte, it’s so nice to meet you.” She said. 

I shook her hand, “The pleasure is mine.” 

Ethan stood up. 

“I’m gonna take him home and be back later so we’ll get to know each other.”  She said.

“Sounds great.” I said. 

Gabe stood up to steal a kiss from her before they left.  

I continued to glare at him after they’d left. 

“I tell her everything. She wanted to know how you were settling in… and,” Gabe said, trying to justify himself. “She thinks it’s cute. She’s pretty good friends with Steph too.” 

“It’s whatever.” I said. “I think it won’t be long until.. You know… someone makes a move.”  

“Jeez. Girls move fast, huh?” Gabe asked.

“Actually, yeah.”  I smirked.  “It’s well documented in the community.” 

My phone vibrated again. 

“I’ll be late. Gotta clean up the store first. Save me a drink.” 

Ryan came in and soon it was like the floodgates were down. People poured in, most still in their larping costumes.  

Gabe started his shift and I was left there with Ryan and Charlotte when she returned. She was really nice, and kept telling me how stupidly excited Gabe was that I was there. 

I could see myself getting close to her in the long run. If Gabe stopped screwing up, maybe one day a sister in law. 

I was about two beers in and starting to feel good at this point.

“So, do you have any good Gabe stories for us?” Charlotte asked. 

I leaned back against the booth thoughtfully.

“Gabe used to think he was Superman.” I said, smirking. “He jumped off the top bunk once and broke his wrist trying to fly.”  

Ryan thought this was hilarious. It got a smile out of Charlotte.

“Oh and there was one time when I was really little that I got a hold of a pair of scissors and gave him a haircut. He ended up having to shave his head. He looked ridiculous. I remember I used to have pictures..” 

“Oh no, that man’s head is too big to be bald.” Charlotte said quite seriously. 

“Exactly!” I laughed. 

I saw the door open, and after a while of trying to peer through the sea of people, I saw Steph’s eyes scanning the bar. The beautiful girl from the radio was back in plain clothes again looking immaculate as always.  

Ryan noticed too, he raised a hand up. Steph came to stand in front of our table. 

“Hey.” She said.  

“Ethan had so much fun today.” Charlotte stood up to hug Steph. 

Charlotte, in perhaps a genius move, fluidly got up from sitting next to me and sat next to Ryan instead, leaving the seat beside me open. 

Obvious to me, but Steph didn’t seem to notice.

She sat down.

“Man, I’m so glad that’s over with. Totally worth it, super fun, went perfectly, but damn it was stressful.” She said.

“Honestly it was incredible.” Ryan said. 

“I didn’t really know what to expect but it was super cool.” I said. “That must have been so much work.” 

Steph folded her arms on the table and looked at me with a soft smile. “I’m really happy you put in the effort to try it out. It means a lot.”

Taken back by her intensity I felt myself shrinking.  

Ryan and Charlotte were watching us as though they were invested in an vigorous tennis match.  

I suddenly wished we didn't have an audience.

On Cue, Gabe appeared with more drinks. 

“Catch up drinks.” He said, placing a beer and 2 shots in front of Steph. She immediately slid one to me. 

“I don’t need to catch up.” I said, waving my empty bottle.

“I still need someone to drink with.” She said. 

“Okay.” I conceded. “As long as it’s not absinthe.” 

“Not this time.” She laughed.   

I took the shot with her and winced nonetheless. Straight whiskey.  

I took a deep breath and decided to put myself on drinking time out, at least until Steph caught up. 

“No time to rest, really with Spring Fest next week.” Ryan said.

“That’s like a hundred times easier to set up for since I don’t have to do it myself.” Steph said. 

“True. Cleanup is really a bitch though.” 

“What’s Spring Fest?” I asked. 

“It’s like our yearly community get together. Music, games, contests, food.” Charlotte said.

“People really look forward to it.” Ryan said.

”Actually I’m still looking for a musical act.” Steph said.

“Thought you had one.” Ryan said, “What was their name..?” 

“Doesn’t matter. They backed out.”  Steph said before taking a long draw from her beer.

Ryan grinned. “And you’re taking it personal.” 

“Whatever.” Steph said, she started peeling the label off of her beer bottle. “Actually, I was gonna ask you to perform.” 

She turned to look at me.  

My eyes went wide. “Uh, hard pass.” 

“Come onnnnn.” She whined. “I’ll drum. We’ll do great.” 

“I’m nowhere near ready to play in front of people.”  

“I already know that’s a lie.” She said. 

I shook my head. 

“We got a week to practice.”  Steph said. “You have a really beautiful voice, I think people should hear it.” 

“I’d like to hear it.” Ryan said.

“I didn’t say yes.”  I said.

“That’s fine. Just… don’t say no yet.” Steph gave me a crooked smile.  

“Fine..” I said.

Her eyes went soft and she seemed to search my face as if trying to read me. I realized she was doing that thing where she had complete control over my free will again.  

Does she really think my voice is beautiful…? 

“Oh, Alex.” Charlotte said.  

She started digging through her purse. “I brought something for you.”

“You didn’t have to..” I said.

She passed me a package of gummies across the table. 

I read the package, “Oh, these are-” 

“They’re really chill.” She said. “If you have any trouble with sleep. Or if you just wanna stay in and listen to music.”  

“Awesome..” Steph said, leaning in close to me to read the fine print.  

“Thanks.” I smiled. 

I passed them off to Steph so she could examine them further and watched as Ryan and Charlotte began discussing different strains and their beneficial and negative aspects.  

It surprised me a bit because I thought Ryan was more of a goodie good boy scout type. 

He seemed about as knowledgeable as Charlotte. 

“They do this all the time.” Steph leaned over to tell me. 

“Oh yeah?” I turned to her. 

Steph held up her head with her hand and stared at me, still searching my face. It felt like she was aggressively pursuing my attention tonight. It made me nervous, the good kind of nervous, but this was offset by how green her eyes looked in this lighting. I was too mesmerized to feel much of anything else. 

I tore my eyes away and did my best to pretend like I was interested in the conversation that Ryan and Charlotte were having.  

My phone vibrated soon after.  

“Take a walk with me.”

I blinked.  She really just texted me in the middle of a full bar. 

I looked at her. She raised an eyebrow expectantly for the answer so I gave her a quick nod.  

“We’ll be back.” She said as she stood up, taking her beer with her.  

I followed her out the front door.  

She turned to face me, “Sorry, I could use some fresh air.”  

“No, it's cool. It’s way too busy in there anyway” I said. 

She led the way further down the street toward the lake, eventually coming to a stop at the end of the short dock before she sat down.  

I hesitated before sitting next to her.  My eyes scanned the horizon and I realized in cold panic that this atmosphere was quickly turning extremely romantic. Just the two of us in this mute town alone together. The moon was rising in front of us and reflected off the water that was almost as smooth as a plate of glass displaying the entire gradient of every shade of blue. 

I sat down and deliberately stared at my feet hanging off the dock, almost afraid of looking at Steph.  

In my peripheral vision I could see her drink deeply from her beer.  

“So, you had fun today?” She asked. 

“Yeah I really did.” I smiled. 

“You really surprised me.” She said. 

I grinned. “That was the plan.”  

“I was half expecting you to come back and show me magic somehow.” She said. 

The moment I met her eyes she erupted in purple.

“God she’s so beautiful.” 

I couldn’t keep the frown off my face.    

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

Before this went any further she deserved to know the truth. I respected Steph too much to throw this on her after she already invested in me. She deserved the right to choose if she wanted to be with someone as broken as I am.  

“There’s something I need to tell you and it’s not easy for me.” I said.  

“You can tell me anything.” She said. 

I pursed my lips and stared off into the distance trying to find the right words.  

“Ever since I became a teenager I’ve been able to do something that nobody else can.” I said. “I was already in the foster system by then, so not even Gabe knows about this. I made the mistake of telling the state mandated therapists about it and they diagnosed me with all these things and put me on a ton of medication. They were using words like delusional and schizophrenic. And for a while the meds muted this thing but it never went away.” 

I turned to Steph who was silent. “They were wrong, by the way. When I went to a different doctor on my own bill, they didn’t find anything wrong with me, but of course, I didn’t tell them about… what I can do.” 

“...What can you do?” Steph asked. 

I sighed and closed my eyes. “So, whenever people feel something, and I mean not just anything, it has to be a pretty powerful emotion, I can feel what they’re feeling. I can hear their thoughts.” 

Utter silence. 

I didn’t disturb it for a long moment, knowing this was something that would take time to sink in. 

I could feel Steph’s eyes on me. 

To her credit, she didn’t look as uncomfortable as I assumed she would. 

“You think I’m crazy?” I asked. 

She shook her head. “You look like you really believe it.” 

She was scanning my face again. 

“Well, I’m telling you this because I’ve been reading your emotions lately. I think that people have the right to have their own thoughts privately, but I can’t control it. I think it's only fair that you know what I was feeling too. So, brace yourself for this, okay?” 

She nodded slowly.  

“Do you remember when we first saw each other? At the record store?” I asked. 

“Yeah.” She said. 

“You thought I was cute, but you were worried I was underage.” I said. “And I..” 

I looked away, realizing I wasn’t gonna be able to do this while looking at her, especially with the shock that crossed her face. “I just thought you were extremely hot.” 

I saw an aura out of the corner of my eye appear around Steph but I ignored it. I had to get through this before she could get a word in or I’d lose my nerve.

“You were pretty turned on when you realized I could really play guitar.” I said, “Because plenty of girls say they can play but they aren’t that good. And I was so nervous to play in front of you that I could barely feel my fingers. I could hardly look you in the eyes that night in my apartment because I thought you were so pretty, and cool and just. My type .”  

“Alex..”  She said.

“Let me finish.” I looked at her. Her eyes were so wide. “Last night when we were playing music together, you were picturing us in a relationship and I had to take my glasses off because I couldn’t concentrate on playing guitar while being able to see your face so clearly.” 

“And today when you wondered if I thought you were really beautiful, the answer is yes a hundred times over.”  

She exhaled sharply and smiled but the aura around Steph was so big now it was threatening to obscure her completely. 

She was screaming .

“Holy fuck. She’s… got super empath powers!”

I laughed without humor, shaking my head, “It’s not a superpower, Steph, it’s a curse.” 

“Oh my god I just thought that.” She said.

“I know. I wasn’t lying to you.” I said, frowning, “I’m not crazy.” 

“I don’t think you’re crazy.” Steph said. “I believe you, Alex, that was real.”

I covered my face in my hand just from the stress of it all.  

Steph scooted closer to me and put an arm around my shoulder.

I felt a rush of dizziness thinking this was the first time she deliberately touched me.  She gripped my shoulder and I felt so fucking warm. 

“It’s okay.” She said. 

“I’m kind of a freak.” I said.  

“No you’re not.” She said. “None of this changes anything.” 

My muscles relaxed and I felt so much relief just hearing her say that.  

I exhaled and let my head rest on her shoulder.  

I felt like a normal person again and I was finally able to appreciate the physical position I was in, in that moment, being held by her. 

We stayed quiet and I watched the few ripples in the middle of the lake, concentrating hard on Steph’s hand rubbing my shoulder.  

In a perfect world, we would stay out here like this all night.  

“Why do you call it a curse?” She asked after a while.  

“It’s not a curse when I’m around you.” I said. “But, not everybody has good feelings. Growing up, Orphans are… very angry, hurt beings. People, they’re broken people. Imagine 8 emotional teenagers living on top of each other unable to take breaks from one another and feeling every awful thing they’ve gone through. I got into a lot of fights. Not only that, when people have bad feelings towards you, decent people don’t speak those things out loud.  And if they do, they sugar coat it. I can hear everything uncensored. ” 

“Damn..” Steph said. 

“Yeah, it’s a lot sometimes.”  

She squeezed me closer to her. 

I closed my eyes.  

"I can tell you've been through a lot." Steph said. "I don't wanna rush you into talking about everything but you know I'm a pretty good listener and I'm here whenever you need me."

"Thank you." I said.

She took a deep breath and exhaled.  "Wow. What a wild ride."  

"It's too much, right?"  I asked.

"No. Not at all." 

She chuckled a bit.

“So…” She said, her body shook with suppressed laughter.  “I guess we’re kinda into each other, huh?” 

I sat upright again and looked at her apologetically. “Sorry. This is kind of an anticlimactic way of finding out.” 

She scoffed, “Are you kidding? You actually showed me magic.”  

“It’s not magic…” 

She brought a knee up to her chest to rest her head on it before reaching out a hand and gently brushing the hair out of my face.  It felt as though she left a trail of fire where her fingertips traced against my skin. I searched her eyes wondering if the kiss was coming. It felt like the kiss was coming. 

“Well, just because our feelings are out in the open now, it doesn’t mean we have to rush anything,” She said, the corner of her mouth twitched. “This kinda feels like cheating at this point but, do you wanna go on a date sometime?” 

I laughed, “After everything I told you, you still wanna date me?” 

Her eyes sparkled with amusement and to her credit she looked like she really put some thought into the question. “After everything you told me I think I wanna date you more .” 

I bit my lip because she was turning up the intensity again. Her eyes fell to my mouth and I took a deep steadying breath to aid my spinning head. 

“I would love to go on a date with you.” I said in a small voice. 

“Fuck yeaaah.” Steph grinned. “How about tomorrow night?” She asked.

“Yeah.” I said, before shaking my head stupidly, “Uh no wait, I start work tomorrow.”  

“Well, let’s aim for this week.”  She said. 

I nodded.

Steph swirled the contents of her beer bottle before drinking the rest of it and getting to her feet.

She held out a hand to help me up and I took it.  

“Starting to get cold out here.” She said. 

“I guess.” I said.

“Can I… buy you a drink?” She asked.

I smirked at her, at what a generic, overused line that was but how incredibly effective it was coming from her . “I’ll allow it.”  

Steph took a few steps ahead of me to hold the door open for me.  

I met her eyes again and she exploded in a warm golden aura.  

Chapter Text

Have you ever been so tired that you can actually look through a living, breathing human being right in front of your face? 

I felt like that now, only I didn’t realize it until Gabe stood up straight behind the bar. I watched him pour a glass of water and set it in front of me with a raised eyebrow.

“You’re not used to being a part of the workforce, huh?” He asked. 

“Not at all.” I said. “And I feel like I drank more in the last 3 days than I have in the last year.” 

“I guess we’ll just completely fake your shots from now on.” Gabe said.  

It was the end of my third full shift in a row and I wondered if hanging out at the bar after work this much was a healthy practice. Jed usually kept the bar open after hours for his friends for as long as he wanted, so I was making a habit of staying to take the extra time and hang out with Gabe instead of going directly to sleep.  

Tonight was especially great because tomorrow was my first day off since I started working.  

As I drank deeply from my water, watching Gabe’s eyes get drawn by my phone as it lit up and vibrated slightly against the top of the bar top. New text message from Steph clearly visible on the screen.  

I picked up my phone and unlocked it on my lap.  

“You off yet?” 

“So… how are things going with her?” He asked.  

I smirked at how casual Gabe was trying to act. 

“Good and bad.” I shrugged. “I mean she did ask me on a date, but I haven’t seen her since.” 

“Why?” He asked. 

“Well, my shift starts when hers ends, so I guess we’ve just been too busy.” I sighed and slid my phone into my back pocket. “Which, to be honest, I kind of got the impression she hung out at the bar a lot so I’m surprised she hasn’t come by?”

Gabe nodded. “She always stops by, usually after work.” He paused when he saw the concern on my face. “Uh, but maybe she’s just busy. I mean everyone’s putting a lot of work in for the Spring Fest this weekend..” 

“I… yeah, you’re probably right..” I said, “ We’re usually up all night texting each other, so...”  

Gabe grinned.  “Sounds good to me.” 

“Okay.” I pushed my empty glass towards him. “Thanks for the commentary.”  

“Wait.” He said, holding up his palms. “I have a stupid question.” 

“I’m shocked.” I said. 

“In a… um…  same sex relationship, who makes the first move?” Gabe asked. 

I wanted to laugh at him.  

“Actually Gabe, when you join the National Queer Registry you aren’t assigned a role immediately. Instead they monitor your activity and in 4-8 months decide whether or not you’re outgoing enough to be deemed an ‘initiator’.”

“Wow, asshole.” Gabe shook his head. “You really put a lot of effort into that one. That was a legitimate question.” 

I winced in exasperation. “It just happens. It’s not like every heterosexual relationship is initiated by guys either.”

“No but you can’t say there isn’t some level of expectation.” Gabe said. 

“Fine, I’ll give you that.” I said.

“Who uh, who initiated between you and Steph?” He asked.

I rubbed my forehead, feeling exhausted by this line of questioning. “I don’t know? It was kind of a group effort?”

Gabe’s head cocked to the side and he looked even more confused. 

I slid off the barstool. “Don’t hurt yourself trying to process that one. I’m gonna call it a night.” 

“Have a nice day off tomorrow.” He said.

Fuck yes, a day off.

I climbed the stairs slowly to put as little stress as possible on my aching feet.  My shoes came off before I could even close the door.  

I started shedding my clothing. My jacket, my  socks. I had my jeans unzipped before I remembered I had things in my pockets. 

I fished them out one at a time. Keys, coins and a sizeable wad of money that I placed on my bedside counter. The tips alone were starting to add up to a decent income, I was pretty pleased with that. 

I pulled out my cell phone and sat on my bed staring at Steph’s unanswered text message before I started typing.

“Finally free.” 

I inched my way backwards onto my bed to get more comfortable.  My feet were throbbing with pins and needles from finally feeling relief.  

“You survived! How was your day?” 

“It was fun, but kind of long.” I typed back

I found myself smiling at how fast she responded to me. 

“Any hot girls come in and steal your heart?” 

What a loaded question.  

“The only hot girl I wanted to see didn’t come in today.”

Sad face. 

Pleased with my own boldness before tacking on, “I kind of miss her face.” 

This one took a long time to respond to. My screen went black and I let my eyes close. Sleep wasn’t very far away, it could feel it like an added weight pressing me into the mattress.  

It’s possible that I dozed for a while before my phone vibrated again.

New text from Steph. Unlock to view attachment. 

I excitedly unlocked my phone and waited as the spinning circle indicated that the picture was loading. 

My mind went blank when I saw Steph’s face again. It was actually two photos. The first was her on her back laying on what appeared to be a couch.  It was very dim where she was, but not too dark to be able to see all of her features. I soon recognized it as the couch in the back room of the record store and the weird lighting was provided by all the neon signs around, no doubt. The first photo was her beautiful smirk, half of her mouth being pulled to one side of her face and the eyes, looking as dark as death and, even through a screen, they still found a way to pierce me. 

The other photo was of her legs under some blankets, as well as the front window of the shop I was familiar with.  

“Does this help?” Steph texted before I could even respond.

I hit her with the heart eyes emoji. 

“Oh yeah, that helps a lot. Are you crashing at the store tonight?” 

“Yeah, I got an early broadcast tomorrow so it's just more convenient.”

Ah..

I wanted to send a photo in return, but I was unsure if I could produce something half decent in the state I was in. 

I experimented with different angles before deciding top down would be the best.  I spent far longer than I’d care to admit trying to take the perfect picture before deciding upon the one which looked like I got hit by the smallest truck before sending it over. 

“Sorry, I look like ass.” I warned. 

This one took a long time to respond to as well, and the response confused me.

“Dude. Holy shit.”  

“Wow.”

“That is definitely the hottest pic a girl has ever sent me.”  

I laughed to myself and began typing. 

“Now I know you’re full of shit. I look like I went through the actual garbage disposal.” 

“Uhh.. Alex? Look again. Did you mean to send me that?” 

I felt my stomach threaten to drop out of my body as I reopened the photo. 

At first I saw nothing out of the ordinary. Sure, it was kind of cheesy I went with the lip bite and wink but to be fair, Steph has used that tactic against me in the past. I considered it getting even. It wasn’t until my eyes scanned the bottom of the photo that I felt like dying. 

One of my hip bones was peeking out from under my shirt, but that was nothing, NOTHING, in comparison to my unzipped jeans and kind of sexy black underwear proudly on display.  

Oh my fucking god. 

I sat up in bed feeling like I couldn’t breathe. 

NO NO NO. That’s looks so fucking skeevy and intentional. 

How the fuck do I even explain that?   

I was on the move, jetting around the apartment and staring at the empty text box underneath our conversation.  

I sat on the couch.  

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Oh mmy god.” 

“Please.”

“Hear me out.” 

I typed frantically. 

“It’s not what it loooks like.” 

“I’m not teh type of person that takes pictures like that.’

“The first thing I did when I came home was I started undressing for bed. I almost finished and then we started talking and I got distracted, I completely forgot.” 

“I didn’t even check the fucking picture before I sent it because I’m so tired.

”I’m an idiot. I’m gonna go crawl in a hole nwo.” 

I turned the screen off, returning to bed and flopping onto my mattress face first hoping to suffocate. 

In my hand I could feel my phone going off like a machine gun.  

Reluctantly, I turned the screen back on. 

“Lol!”

“It’s okay. It’s not a big deal.” 

“I mean, jeez you look incredible. Wow.”

“Alex?”

“Hey”

“Are you okay?”

“If it makes you feel better I could take a sexy pic too?” 

I gasped and typed back quickly. 

“Please no. No, you don’t have to do that. I’m just so embarrassed.” 

She was typing before I even pressed send. 

“Lol”

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about but I’ll delete the pic if you want.” 

I had ‘thanks’ typed out already, but I decided to delete it. As embarrassing as this was, Steph only had good things to say about it, and the damage was already done...

“It’s fine. Keep it. We’ll probably laugh about this one day.”  

“I’m already laughing about this.” 

“Great..”  I typed back before covering my eyes with my hand and sighing.

So stupid, Alex… 

“Now I have a constant reminder of how hot the girl I’m dating is.”  Steph replied.

Despite the intense embarrassment I had to smile at how flirtatious we could finally openly be with one another now that everything was in the open.  

“Actually, I’m pretty sure you don’t get to call me that until you actually take me on a date.” 

“Fair point. You’re off tomorrow, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“Wanna go out after I get off?”

“It’s a date” I typed.

A date with the gorgeous girl on the radio. The thought of it was terrifying but in the best way possible. 

“I’m excited.” Steph texted.

“Me too.” 

“Okay, well I really do have an early day tomorrow so I’ll let you get back to undressing”

I shook my head and decided to ignore the ribbing. 

“Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight Alex.” 

I slumped back against the pillows and stared at the ceiling for a moment before turning my phone back on.  

I scrolled up our messages until I reached Steph’s photo again and opened it, rolling onto my side and staring at her face. 

Nobody would ever be able to convince me that the picture that I sent to her was even remotely as hot as the one she sent to me.  

My morning began after noon, as usual. 

I tried to eat some leftovers in an attempt to calm my stomach but it didn’t help.  

All I could think about was my date and the precautions I wanted to take to make sure I didn’t make a complete ass out of myself again.    

What crazy shit did Steph have in mind for the perfect first date?

I got dressed about 2 hours before Steph was even scheduled to be off work. And then I got dressed again, and again. 

Every article of clothing I owned was strewn across my bed by the time I was done.  

I almost considered even wearing a skirt before throwing the idea out completely.  

Steph seemed like a casual person. I decided on a two tone sweatshirt and my favorite pair of jeans. I might as well be comfortable while I'm spiraling.  

I sat on my couch, stiff as a board, pretending like I could concentrate on something as uninteresting as TV with the dating looming overhead so close.  

I jumped when my phone vibrated.  

“Come to the store.” 

I looked at the time. It was still over an hour until she was supposed to be off.  

“Now?” I asked. 

“Yeah.” 

No explanation. Nothing. 

I stood up and checked the time again.  

Confused, I started walking towards the door and caught my reflection in the mirror.

I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I’m only going to be actually scared until the moment that I see her again. 

For some stupid reason this girl actually likes me..

I headed downstairs, grateful that Gabe wasn’t at the bar yet. Jed seemed really busy preparing the bar for the evening rush. 

I approached the record shop and held my breath as I opened the door. 

There was nobody at the front desk, per usual, but I could hear Steph’s voice.  

“So remember, every night this week, Happy Hour at the black lantern is extended for an extra hour! Twice the drinks, twice the atmosphere, great food, great people…” 

I came into view then, and she stopped talking mid sentence.

She smiled at me. I smiled back.

“So.. yeah, you should go.” She said, before pushing a button on her console and moving her mic away.  

She walked to the door and opened it up.

“Hey.”  She said.

“Hi.” I said.  “I thought you get off later?”

“Coming up on the last hour now, yeah.” She said, holding the door open wider. “Come on in.” 

I hesitated. “Am I allowed?” 

“Who’s gonna say you’re not?” She laughed.  “Just… be quiet when I'm talking on the air, it'll be fine. 

She motioned to a couch. I sat, and she sat next to me. 

Her eyes roamed over me.  “You look… great.” She said. 

“So do you.” I said. 

Steph’s eye contact felt extra intense today after such a long time away from it. Somehow, it made me less nervous, like it was proof that in the 3 days we were apart it seemed that she hadn’t lost any interest.  

I looked around the booth.

“So this is pretty cool.” I said. 

“Yeah, this is kind of like my safe haven.”

Steph’s face lit up as she spoke about booth. I watched her look lovingly around the area, her eyes seemed to sparkle when the blue neon lights reflected off of them.

”I haven’t actually let anyone else in the booth before.” She said, glancing sideways at me.

“How come?” I asked. 

“I dunno. It’s just a special place. Ryan gives me shit about it all the time.” She chuckled.

“So, how come you let me in?” I asked. 

Steph sat up and inhaled, diverting her eyes. 

“I guess you’re special.” She said.

I scanned her face trying to figure out what was different about her aura today. She looked almost flustered. I’d never seen her like this before.

I tried to make it lighter so she’d feel more comfortable.

“I guess that’d be a pretty sweet line to use on a girl.” I smirked. 

Steph laughed, “It’s not a line dude, I swear. I can’t even remember the last time I had a date.”  

“Mmm, I find that hard to believe.” I said.  

She laughed and looked away from me, her eyes landing on her console. “I’ll tell you everything, just give me a second.”  

She stood up and walked up to the microphone. 

“Hello Haven Springs, it is now 5:00pm and we are going into our last hour together today! Before we go, I'd love to hear from you. Our topic of the hour will beeee… “

Something about watching her run a radio station was just so fucking cool. I pulled out my phone and took a picture of her working.

She paused, and turned to me, pulling the microphone with her.  

“Your best first date in Haven. What did you do? Where did you go? Tell me why it was special. Call me up! In the meantime, here’s one from the new Girlpool album.”

She pushed the mic back to its normal place before turning to me, smirking. “Did you take a picture of me?” 

“I did.” I nodded, I showed it to her as she sat down again. “You looked really cool.” 

Steph took my phone and looked at it before quickly closing out of the picture and reopening the camera.  

“Let’s do this instead.” She said.

She leaned into me and held her arm out to take a selfie.  

It turned out really fucking cute.  

New wallpaper.

“Well now that you’ve sufficiently distracted me, you can tell me why someone like you can’t remember the last time she had a date.” I said, pocketing my phone.

“Wow, you’re not letting me off the hook, huh?” She asked. 

“I genuinely want to know,” I said, raising my eyebrows.

She sighed and grinned at me sheepishly. “Do you want the whole story from the beginning?”

“Yeah. If you want, I mean you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”  I said.

“I don’t mind.” She said, took a deep sigh and looked thoughtfully at the ceiling. “I guess I just haven’t always been the nicest person.”  

“How so?” 

“Well, we got to Haven, and me and my ex-girlfriend and immediately broke up, so I wasn’t in the best place. It was like my first serious relationship and then I was stuck in this booth every day for hours by myself. But it was perfect for me because I wanted to isolate myself. But like, even though I wanted it, as stupid as it sounds I ended up very lonely. Totally did it to myself, but it was actually a pretty dark time.”  

She shook her head, “So I did the desperate thing and I got on this dating app.  I matched with some really cool girls but every time it came down to them wanting to meet me I’d just end up making excuses and ghosting them.“

“Ouch.” I said.

“Yeah, I’m talkin double digits too. Dick move on my part, but I think I just needed to work on myself.  It was a long year and I got over some… stuff.  I’m feeling much better these days.”  

I smirked. “You gonna ghost me?” 

“No.” She smiled. “It was a defense mechanism I used when I started catching feelings. So, If I was going to ghost you I probably would have by now already.”  

The phone rang and she got up to get it. I was grateful that she left me a blushing mess on my own.

She was already catching feelings?  

This would normally be a giant red flag for me, but I was definitely catching feelings too.   It felt like we were sliding down a steep slope together at speeds beyond our control and I wasn’t even anxious about it, whereas normally if I were to become so infatuated with someone so quickly, I’d be running for the door.

“Hey, you’re on with Steph, what do you got for me?”  

“Hey Steph.  Just wanted to tell you about this little hole in the wall Italian place that opened up a few months ago just off of main street, Carabba’s. Great food, good wine selection, great decor. Very romantic.”

“Huh, yeah I guess Italian food could be a way to a woman’s heart. How did the date go, dude?” 

“I mean we’re not together or anything but I definitely got laid.“

“Ohhhkay,” Steph pushed a button to hang up the phone, “Let’s remember we have kids listening, Haven. Right now we have Vivian Girls with Sludge.” 

Steph turned back to me shaking her head, “Yikes.”  

She fell onto the couch next to me again.

“So, what’s your idea of a perfect date?” She asked. 

“I don’t know.” I said. “I guess people are into really grand gestures and busy flashy places but really I’d prefer something low key. Something nice to eat and a quiet place to talk and get to know each other.“

“Well, that’s good.” Steph said, “You don’t get much more low key than Haven Springs.” 

As we stared at each other, Steph’s smile faded. She went purple very quickly.  

“You know..“ She blinked rapidly and looked away.  “I don’t know if this is weird because it has only been 3 days. But like… I missed you? Is that weird?” 

I shrugged. “I guess we’re both weird.” 

Steph’s face relaxed, but I could still sense an unfamiliar emotion toying with her. Not strong enough for me to read the actual cause behind it, but she was seriously nervous. 

“You could have stopped by the Lantern, you know.”   I said.

“Nah..” Steph shook her head. 

“I thought it was your hangout.” 

“No it is, but, it’s not cool to show up there when you’re trying to settle into a new job and get comfortable. I don’t wanna take your attention away, you know?” She said. 

“”Don’t do that.” I looked at her. “I was hoping you’d come.”  

“Then I will.” She smiled, “Next time.” 

The phone rang again and I got to listen to a middle aged gentleman's story about how the Spring Festival is the best place to fall in love, giving Steph the opportunity to promote it again.  

She offered to play a song request and I made her break 'Indie edge' when I insisted on my favorite Deftones song. She hadn’t actually heard it before and said it would be going on her playlist.

I walked around with her as she closed up, lamenting the fact that she hadn’t yet found a musical act for the festival and saying ‘It would only be a few songs’ and ‘we’d be so great’.  

I could already feel myself getting talked into it but honestly, I wasn’t gonna let on that it was so easy.  

If I agreed, it would definitely result in jam sessions for the rest of the week which would be amazing and bring us even closer together, and we definitely needed to fucking practice. 

That alone was almost worth going on stage in front of the entire town and making an ass of myself.

I kept quiet as she locked the door and turned to me.

“So,” Steph pocketed her keys and rubbed her hands together. “Do you like ice cream?” 

I faked outrage, “Who doesn’t like ice cream?” 

“Good, I’ve been craving it all day.”  

We discussed flavors on the way there, and while I was more a fruity flavor person, Steph was into chocolate.  I could respect that.  

The people at the shop knew Steph well and she had to insist on paying.  

She led us almost out of town, across the bridge I arrived from, and down the river a ways until we came upon a rocky outcrop overlooking it.  She sat on one of the flat rocks that was big enough for both of us. I sat beside her. 

I could still sense a ton of nervous energy around her. I watched her silently eat her ice cream and noticed her foot was tapping, as well as her free hand against her thigh. 

It didn’t make a lot of sense to me.  Steph had literally nothing to be nervous about. 

I had to find a way to calm her down somehow.. 

I rocked my body to the side to nudge her with my shoulder. 

“Wanna taste mine?” I asked. 

“Sure.” She said.

Her spoon was halfway to my cup before she realized I was holding a spoonful up to her mouth.  

Her eyes widened and I could have sworn she turned at least 2 shades pinker as she accepted the bite from me.  

I grinned at her, for once feeling like I had the upper hand in this dynamic. Unfortunately, my approach didn’t seem to spur on any further conversation.

Steph’s eyes remained on the water. She looked a bit troubled.

“What are you thinking about?” I asked. 

She grimaced but turned it into a sheepish smile.  

“I want to ask you something but I’m not sure if it’s something you want to talk about.”  She said. 

“Well, ask.” I said with a shrug, “‘If I’m not ready to talk about it yet, I’ll just tell you. I’m not gonna make a big deal out of it.”

“Alright.” Steph said, sitting up straight and looking sideways at me. “How does it… work? The empath thing?” 

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I mean.. You’re just talking to someone and you suddenly start hearing their thoughts?”  

“No. I usually see it first.”  I said. 

“What do you see?” She asked. 

“Colors. When people are feeling something strongly they emit colors. The stronger they feel it the brighter it becomes. If I focus on that sometimes I can hear the thought process that brings them to that point. If it’s really powerful I won’t have a choice and I'll hear it straight away but sometimes I can ignore it.” 

“Colors…?” Steph said, clearly surprised.

“And sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a person, it can be an object that was really important to someone. I can see it glowing. If I focus on it, I can hear memories..” 

Steph’s mouth was hanging open as she looked between each of my eyes. She shook herself out of it before saying “I’m sorry, I just find this so fascinating.”

“It’s weird to talk about.” I said, “The only person other than you that I’ve told about this told me I was crazy. I’ve never had someone believe me before.”  

“I do. I do believe you, Alex.” She put a hand on my shoulder. “Does it bother you that I want to learn more about it?” 

“Bother? No.. I just think we’re on different pages. You think it's a superpower and I just kind of wish it would go away.” 

“Well until now you only associate talking about it leading to trauma, right?” She asked. 

“Yeah, that’s a good point.” 

“Maybe it’s not a bad thing.” She said, thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s something you can come to appreciate when you’re further away from your past.”  

I had to admit I was impressed with Steph’s outlook, but I couldn’t really imagine myself ever being in a place where I would embrace my eccentricities.  

Steph took my empty ice cream cup and placed her own inside it before setting them aside. 

“How about, for the rest of our date, if you see any.. colors.  Tell me about it?” She said.

“Really?” I laughed, “What if it’s.. You? Your thoughts?”

“No, especially if it’s me.” She grinned. “If we’re gonna be a thing I should get an idea of what I can get away with in my head.”  

I laughed.

”Deal.” I finally agreed.

I held out my hand to her and she took it, shaking it once.  

To my surprise, she didn’t let go of my hand, instead pulling it towards her lap and holding it there, running her thumb over my knuckles.  

“You’re pretty big on hand tats huh?” She asked. 

She seemed fixated on my rising star tattoo below my pointer finger, but all I could do was be elated that she was touching me.  

I took a deep breath and tried to change the subject.  “Yeah.. What kind of bird is that?” I asked.  

She looked up at me, confused. 

Her eyes looked so fucking green in natural lightning.  

I pointed to the tattoo on her chest

“Oh, it's a swallow.” She said. 

“Any meaning there?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Steph said. “I go crazy if I stay in one place for too long. I can totally relate to a migratory animal.”  

“So, are you planning any great escapes right now?” I asked. 

“I was.” 

“Past tense?”

“Past tense.” Steph said, running her eyes over me before smiling softly. “For now.”  

Steph was now focused on running her fingers against mine, experimentally entwining our fingers in different angles and repeating the process.

My heart was starting to race.

“Wouldn’t you like to see the world one day?” She asked. 

“Yeah.” I said, before clearing my throat.  My throat was suddenly so dry. “One day. But right now this is already pretty huge for me. I’ve never left Portland, so.. I don’t know. I think it would be cool to know what having a home would feel like.”  

“Okay.” Steph said, nodding. She smiled at me. “That makes sense.”

“Do you ever miss home?” I asked her. 

Steph froze. Her smile vanished and her eyes grew wider before they fell to the ground.  

“No.” She said curtly. 

A powerful blue aura surrounded her.  

I clearly said something very wrong, but I had made a promise to her just for this date.

“I don’t want to pry..” I said, “But you just turned very blue.”  

This seemed to distract her. She looked up at me. 

“You can see this now?” 

I nodded. 

“Can you hear it?” She asked. 

“I’m not trying to.” I said.

“But if you tried, you think you could?” She asked. 

“I think so.” I said.  

She stared at me as if willing me to do it, but I shook my head.

“I’m not going to violate your privacy if I can help it.” I said.

Steph almost looked disappointed, as if it would have been easier if I just read the reasoning behind her feelings. Her eyes were focused back on our hands. She now had mine enclosed between both of hers.

“Two of my best friends from highschool were murdered.” She said. 

I said nothing, I just sat there and watched her face even though it was basically frozen as she spoke. 

“One of them was like… my very first big crush. Like I was in love with her. The other girl ended up with my crush, I was super jealous of her but she ended up being really cool too. It’s not like anything would have happened anyway, I had no social skills and this girl was the most popular, beautiful girl in the entire school. So in the end I got very close to her as well. But I was always… jealous.” 

Steph’s mood shifted slightly from pain to guilt.  

“My crush went missing and then about a year later her partner was murdered on campus and my crush’s body was found. It had been the same two fucked up pieces of shit that carried out the whole thing.  One of them was a teacher.” 

Something stirred in my memory and I couldn’t help but gasp. Steph looked up at me then.

“Are… you talking about Blackwell?” I asked. 

Steph nodded stiffly. 

“What the fuck.” I said, my mouth falling open. “That was like.. National news. I remember when it happened.” 

“Yeah.. so. After that happened I skipped town and left my friends to deal with it alone.” She said, her eyes falling back to our hands. 

And that’s where the guilt was coming from.  

“It kind of became my brand. When things got scary or too real, I would just leave and not look back.” Steph said. “But.. I’m getting better.” 

She looked back at me again and tried to concentrate on my face. Little by little the blue faded away.  

“There’s murderers everywhere but I can’t live my life not allowing myself to become attached to people and running away all the time. That’s not living.” She broke into a remarkably genuine smile despite how sad she just was. “So yeah, I got baggage.”

“I have baggage, too.” 

“Feel free to pile it on since we’re already here.” Steph said.  

“Made a lot of mistakes.” I said. “Trusted the wrong people. Got myself into bad situations.” 

“Wanna give me an example? She asked

“There were a lot of times where I’d do anything to get out of the house. I’d ask everyone I knew if I could crash on their couch just to get away from all the anger for a few hours, you know?”

She nodded.

“There was one guy in particular who I thought was a friend but I started noticing he always had alcohol ready for me when I wanted to crash at his place. And after a while I knew what he wanted but I didn’t like him like that but it was still better than being in that group home…so.. one night it happened. I didn’t want it, but I felt like I didn’t have a choice, so-” 

I stopped because she grabbed my wrist.  With a look of utter disgust she pulled me into a tight hug and held me there.  

Not knowing what to do, I just held her back.  

“I’m sorry.” She said.  

“It’s not your fault.” I said. 

“It’s not your fault either.” She said, pulling back to look at me.

I couldn’t look her in the eye.  

I’d never told anyone about that night before and even though I knew it was just the result of a bunch of shitty circumstances, I couldn’t help feeling ashamed about it.  

“Alright.” Steph said, sighing, “Let’s turn this around. Dates are supposed to be happy.”  

“Okay.” I said, taking a deep breath. “Any ideas?” 

“I was gonna ask you.” Steph laughed.  

My eyes followed Steph’s prominent laugh lines and noticed that the line literally intersects with a dimple on her right side when she smiles. It struck me that her face alone turned my entire mood around. Steph doesn’t even seem to realize how much power she has without even trying.

I found myself wanting to learn more details about her face and lost track of time before I noticed her watching me.  

“Wish I could read your mind right now.” She said, softly. 

My face flushed and I shook my head.  “I assure you there’s nothing intelligent going on up there, I promise. Just.. your face.” 

Steph grinned before getting to her feet and offering me a hand. 

“I’m pretty fond of your face too.” She said.

After I stood up she walked a few feet away before throwing our trash into a nearby can.  

I approached her.

“So where are you taking me now?” I asked. 

“I’ll be honest, I’m not sure.” She said, as we started walking back towards the main street together.  “I mean there’s a state park right there, but we might run into Ryan.  We could go watch a movie but that’s like not the best first date thing to do. We could go get a drink somewhere but I’m kinda enjoying this dry date with you, and your brother is working.”

Steph flared purple and I immediately heard what she was thinking. 

“We could go hang on her roof… but she might think I’m implying something if I suggest going back to her place.”

“We could go to the roof if you want.” I said, looking at her with a smirk, “I won’t assume any implications.”

I reached the corner turning onto main street before I realized she was stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wide. 

“You did it again.”  She said. 

“I did.”  I smiled.

“What color was I?” She asked.

“Purple.”  

“ Purple. Fuck. You’re so interesting.”  She said, dumbfounded. “How am I ever going to get used to that?”  

She rounded the corner and her eyes fell on her record store before they went wide again. She turned around to face me and walked backwards as we continued down the street.

“Wait. I have an idea.” She said. “We could go play music, and become a professional band with a million fans and tour the world together starting with the Spring Festival.“ 

Her enthusiasm was fucking contagious. 

“Yeah?  What kind of music are we going to make?” I asked. 

“We’ll gain attention doing acoustic 80s cover songs while we work on writing our first hit together.“ Steph said, her eyes pointed skyward as she created this scenario on the spot.  

I stopped and she took a few steps towards me expectantly.  

“What does the Spring Festival involve if we were to perform there?”  I asked.

Her mouth fell open before she blurted out excitedly, “Like.. 2 or 3 songs. Tops. Dude. Are you actually thinking about it?”  

I stared at the store and shrugged before turning to her. “Fuck it. Let’s do it.”  

Steph turned on the spot, elated.  She pumped a fist in the air before screaming “Ugh! Fuck yes!”  As she walked past me she put an arm around me to pull me along. “This is going to be so much fun. I promise.”

It was the first time I came home after the bar was completely shut down.  As we entered, I could barely see my hand in front of my face, but luckily a flood light shone an outline of the bannister leading up to my apartment. I led the way, having a great excuse to hold Steph’s hand as we navigated the darkness.

After a short struggle with my keys, I got my door open and immediately turned on the entryway light so I could see Steph standing in the doorway, smiling at me.  

“So,” She said, “Did you have fun?” 

“It was.. The best day I’ve had in a long time.” I said, sincerely. 

“Yeah?” Steph beamed. “You wanna go out with me again?” 

“Of course I do.” I said. 

I stared at her expectantly. It seemed to make her nervous.  

“What are you looking at me like that?” She asked. 

“I’m waiting.” I said. 

She laughed, “What are you waiting for?”  

“I’m waiting to see if you’re really a psychic.” I said. 

Steph looked extremely confused. “Uh, what? How did you know about that?” 

“Wait, you are a psychic?” Now I was confused.

“No.. I mean it was something I did on the radio but that was way before you came to town.”  

“Oh.  No I don’t mean that.” I said. 

Steph cocked her head to the side, looking even more confused.

I sighed because I had to explain myself now.  “While we were playing music, you were almost like a strobe light.” 

I remembered it, watching Steph drum, eyes locked with mine as she went from orange, to red, to purple to pink to yellow and back again with no rhyme or reason. At first, every time I tried to investigate, it would be too muddled, I was unable to decipher her thoughts before they were changing.  

I’d never seen anything like it.

But when I found the right rhythm, I learned what was behind it all.

“I think.. You daydream a lot when you drum.” I said. 

“I do?” She asked.

While I was playing guitar and staring into Steph’s eyes, I watched her try and work out the perfect ending to our date.  

She wondered if our first kiss being held at the end of the date was too cliché, or if she should save it for later.

She argued with herself because she didn’t want to wait.

Part of her wanted to just go for it, but those scenarios didn’t usually go far. She deeply wanted the first kiss to be perfect. 

Her biggest fear was me inviting to stay the night, not because she didn’t want to, but because she wasn’t sure she’d be able to control herself if we started messing around.

She scolded herself, insisting that sex this early in a relationship usually made things awkward. 

“What did you see..?” Steph asked slowly. 

I smiled at her. 

There were long periods of time where Steph would remain orange, just imagining the act of kissing me. Staring at my lips and admiring their shape. Wondering how soft they were. What I would taste like. Would I make a noise if she caught me off guard? 

Having to stand in front of her like a normal person and listen to her carry on this line of thinking almost made my knees give out.  It was a miracle that I stayed upright.

“You… really wanted the date to end well.” Is all I said. 

Steph brought a hand to her forehead and turned her back to me.  

“Did you hear everything?” She asked. 

“Maybe..” I said. 

She spun back around to face me and seemed to be chewing her tongue.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked. 

“Of course not.” She said. 

But I noticed now that she was big time flushed.  

Wanting to put her out of her misery I closed the distance with a few steps towards her before flinging my arms around the back of her neck. I had to go onto my tippy toes just to hug her properly. Her height was something I found incredibly attractive. 

She hugged me back around the waist and I felt like I could stay in this position for hours happily.  

“Sorry to put you on the spot.” I said. 

“Now I really don’t know what to do.” Steph laughed. 

I pulled away smiling, letting my hands trace down Steph’s arms to hold her hands. I became very distracted when I realized how cut Steph’s arms were. It only took me a minute to realize, Duh, Steph is a drummer, of course she’d have ripped arms, but damn . As I admired them up close I couldn’t help the little leap in my chest that occurred. 

God, she’s hot. 

When I came back to my senses, I noticed she was staring at me. That kind of stare. As if she was sizing me up, trying to figure out what I wanted her to do.  

I couldn't stifle a small laugh at how serious she looked. 

This made her roll her eyes and turn around again, throwing her hands in the air. 

“Alright, that’s it. I can’t. I can’t even .” She said. 

“I’m sorry.” I apologized, but it didn’t seem very sincere as I laughed.  

She sighed despite the smile on her face and seemed to decide on a whim to lean in and kiss me on the cheek.  

This really took me by surprise as this wasn’t even one of the scenarios she debated earlier. 

My face felt like it was on fire. 

She lingered there by the side of my face before whispering. “Your fly is down.” 

Shocked, I immediately looked down only to see that my fly was not down.  

I glared at her, “Really?  This is the ending you’re going for?” 

She shrugged. “You blasted a spotlight on me, I was not prepared for that.” 

I couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed. 

“I should get going. It’s like 3am.” She said, looking like she didn’t wanna go at all. 

I nodded.


“I’ll probably stop by the Lantern tomorrow.”  

“Good.” I said with a smile. “Get home safe.”

She nodded, letting her eyes run over me one more time before saying “Goodnight Alex.”  

“Goodnight.” I said.

As I watched her disappear into the dark bar, I knew that when it did happen, there would be explosive results.  Restraint makes the heart grow fonder, but I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly grow more fond of Steph.  

I slipped out of my shoes and took my jacket off.  

I smiled to myself as I remember that she did, at the very least, kiss me on the cheek.  Cute. A little cheesy, but I liked it. Very sweet. It meant a lot to me that she felt like she wanted our first kiss to be perfect. That I was worth the wait to make it perfect eventually.  

I took off my jacket and let it fall to the floor behind me before unzipping my pants. 

My phone vibrated then and I fell back onto my bed before opening it.

New text from Steph. Unlock to view attachment. 

It was a selfie of her, she appeared to be walking home. I could see the moon behind her and she wore a dissatisfied but thoughtful face. 

It was captioned ‘I should have kissed the girl, huh?’

I beamed, before opening my camera and trying to find the perfect angle to take my response.

Chapter Text

"Hey Alex. Mikey had a ladder drop on his head today. Think we can get a round for that?"

I stopped and turned to the miners' table before wrapping my arms around my tray against my chest. I considered the men amusedly.

"Didn't you guys get a round a few days ago because someone dropped a wooden beam on Mikey's head?"

Mikey, the biggest miner, grinned widely. "I'm kind of a magnet."

"I'm noticing a pattern." I read it out like a headline. "Local miners take advantage of naive new waitress in an elaborate beer heist."

"No, no no. Alex, honey, you have it all wrong." The first miner, Adrian, said. He read out his headline instead. "New local favorite waitress makes the day of 4 exhausted laborers with her kindness and unmatched beauty!"

I couldn't keep the cringe off of my face.

"Tell you what," I said. "I'll refer your case to Gabe and let him decide." 

"Aw, shit." One of them said, deflating.

"It was worth a shot." Mikey said.

"Let's keep the head injuries to like once a week, guys." I said.

"Fair's fair." Adrian said. He toasted me and as he was drinking he winked.

I spun on my heels and walked back to the bar, not wanting to even remotely reciprocate any of that.

"Miners are after free booze again." I said as I passed behind Gabe.

Gabe was too busy to have even noticed I said anything. I watched as he seemed to be denying service to several men I didn't recognize who were seated at the bar. 

It was pretty damn early to be cutting anyone off, but these guys had been our first customers to arrive today.

They did look pretty drunk but I didn't have time to watch the whole show.

Duckie had just walked in. 

I grabbed his favorite rum, 2 shot glasses, and my own beer bottle and met him at his booth.

He looked very impressed.

"Alexandra, you're getting so good at this." He said, as he poured us each a shot.

"I could set you by a clock, Duckie."

I took one and tapped his glass before pretending to swallow it. I pulled a face and pretended to chase it from my beer bottle, instead spitting the shot inside and sparing my liver the hassle of dealing with it.

Duckie didn't notice.

Gabe is a genius.

"Want some time before ordering dinner tonight?" I asked.

"Oh, give me about an hour or so." He said.

"Just yell when you need me." I said, beaming at him.

Where I was at the beginning of the week versus where I am now is kind of incredible. While I couldn't have imagined even having a job before, I wouldn't have dreamed that I'd end up being so good at it.

I was starting to feel more confident and I was actually enjoying myself.

I approached my favorite table then.

Ryan silently held out an empty bottle for me to take.

"You guys need anything?" I asked.

Steph looked up and her smile was blinding. I took a step back because I wasn't expecting it.

"I'll have another." Ryan said.

I nodded.

"I'll have water." Steph said, her eyes running over me. "Need to be sober for practice."

I smiled and took a moment to admire the form fitting biker jacket Steph was wearing today.  

I became distracted because Ryan began glowing purple. Without making it obvious, I took a few steps back. 

"Be right back with that." I said.

Confused, I began walking back behind the bar. I looked back once more to see if Ryan was over it, but he wasn't. He was purple, and he was staring at me, though he quickly diverted his eyes when I caught him.

What's his problem?

When I was behind the bar again, I was close enough to hear him.

"Never even had a chance. It's like she took one look at Steph and couldn't see anyone else."

Oh hell..

I hoped he was referring to anything but me but I couldn't imagine what else he'd be thinking about.

He better not be stupid enough to try and act on anything if it was about me.

Steph would probably be so hurt if she ever found out…

"I need a fucking cigarette." Gabe said.

"I thought you quit?" I asked.

"I did, except for when I have to deal with assholes." He said. "Too many tourists today."

As I filled up Steph's water I noticed there was an unfamiliar girl hovering near their table.  

I couldn't get a good look at her from where I was standing, 

"Go ahead and take that out, I'm gonna take 5 when you get back." Gabe said.

"Smoking is bad." I said, after I had the drinks on a tray and started walking away.

As I approached their table again, it was very obvious to me that this girl only had eyes for Steph.

She was glowing orange, and her thoughts were centered around Steph's jacket. Wondering if she had a bike, and wanting to know if she'd take her for a ride in exchange for a ride .

I thought I could see my own vision starting to take on a red tint.

I glared at her until she noticed I was waiting to get by her.

"Oh, sorry." The girl said.

She used my distraction to invite herself to sit at Steph and Ryan's table.

I gave Ryan his beer first before setting the water in front of Steph.

Steph looked concerned and I assumed it was because I was doing a bad job keeping my face neutral.

"Could I get a beer too?" The girl asked.

I wanted to pour one over her head.

"I need to see your ID." I said, even though she clearly looked over legal age.

While the girl was digging through her purse, Steph's hand came to rest on top of mine.

"Just a few more hours, babe." She said.

I stared at Steph, blinking several times.

Did she just call me babe?  

Holy fuck, I like that so much.

She let go of my hand in order to brush some of the hair out of my face, her fingertips tracing the contour of my face.

"Can't wait to hang out tonight." She said.

I took a deep breath as she did this and felt like every single thing that was wrong with the day melted away. 

When I saw the look of irritation on the other girls' face, I knew this was somewhat of a performance piece.  Steph was doing this for the newcomers' benefit. 

Just so that the girl would back off.

But it didn't cheapen it for me. 

Steph, who couldn't even read my mind, always knew exactly what to do.

"Me too." I beamed.

I noticed that the girl had been holding her ID out for me for some time. I barely glanced at it before handing it back and walking off.

I felt like I was floating on the way back behind the bar. 

Gabe passed me along the way, and I didn't even acknowledge him.

I became a placeholder for Gabe at the bar while my head spun like a top. Poor girl was gonna have to wait til Gabe was done with his smoke before getting her drink.

I became instantly distracted when I noticed that Steph maintained her eye contact with me over her would-be suitors head.  The new girl, with her back to me, was burning bright red.

Looks like you're not getting your ride tonight, bitch.

I heard something out of place.

Raised voices?

I could see that Gabe's path to the front door was being blocked by four men with fiery red auras.

The assholes that Gabe had stopped serving.

They were pissed. 

I felt so fucking uneasy because their anger was almost enough to consume me even though I was too far away to hear what they were saying.

Part of me only thought to run upstairs to get away from it all, but it was already too late.

In my peripheral vision I saw Ryan stand up, drinking long from his beer before moving in closer.

He could sense the tension too. It was inevitable at this point. I gritted my teeth in anticipation.

The man behind Gabe sucker punched him and Gabe fell out of my view.

It was as though a switch was flicked in my head.

As I felt my breathing accelerate, I grabbed the nearest bottle and made my way around the bar ready to end the man that hit Gabe.

When I got around the corner, I could see them all kicking Gabe who was defenseless on the floor.

My ears were ringing with every beat of my heart. I could actually feel the blood in my veins running at an alarming rate.

I dropped the bottle knowing I could do more damage with my hands anyway. I was past the point of no return.

I approached them as if I was moving in slow motion.  Ryan charged into one of them now, knocking him into a table with a haymaker landing soon after. 

3 remained. The man that sucker punched Gabe had to go first.

I spun him and he looked directly into his eyes. I could see him immediately disregard me as a non threat. 

The sick fuck was enjoying kicking the shit out of my brother.

He pulled away from me to get back to kicking Gabe and because he was so focused on Gabe, he never saw my fist coming.

I hit my target perfectly and the way his cartilage collapsed under my knuckles gave me more pleasure in the moment than I cared to admit. Something carnal, akin to blood lust.

It was euphoric to act on such a powerful, passionate emotion as unbridled anger.

There was a substantial amount of blood right away. On my fist, on my clothes, I even felt some land on my face. The man crumpled and I knew he'd be down for a while.

In the heat of the moment I only saw one direct witness to what I had done. The man who was distracting Gabe to begin with was frozen now. His eyes were wide on his friend's freshly broken nose.

I ascertained that he wouldn't jump in immediately.

My target became the last guy who was still kicking Gabe.

I charged him, catching his leg in mid air and running through him, making him topple over with sheer unexpected force.

I wasted no time after landing on top of him. Left. Right. Left. Right. No mercy, no hesitation. 

Fuck this guy.  

I got 8 solid shots on his face before he stopped struggling.

By then the group's ring leader had come to his senses.

He had me by the back of my shirt, pulling me backwards. I almost caught him with an elbow. But instead of confronting me like a man, he decided to throw me towards the bar.

I thought I could steady myself but I ended up tripping over a barstool. My face hit the edge of the bar's surface. Hard . 

Without a damage assessment, I tried to get right back up but I was so disoriented I just ended up rolling onto my side.

I lay there for a moment catching my breath.

Gabe was back on his feet now, forcing the last man standing out of the front door followed closely by Ryan dragging the man he had been fighting.

The last two men were on the floor bleeding. The two men I had dealt with. 

Now that their auras had burned out, I felt somewhat horrified.

I hoped it'd never happen here. This was supposed to be my fresh start. My new life. I cannot believe I lost control in front of Gabe. In front of-

"Oh my god, Alex!" Steph sounded frantic. She knelt beside me. "Fuck, are you okay?"

"I'm okay." I said. "Just give me a sec, I'm a little dizzy."

"You're covered in blood!"

"It's not mine, I think." I said back.

"We need to get you to urgent care." 

I sat up with Steph's help and locked eyes with Gabe as he made his way back inside.

He didn't seem to be bleeding but there was an angry looking bruise forming on his cheek.  

He rushed to my side and knelt beside me and that's when he noticed the other two semi conscious men beside me.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine." I said, trying to assess myself. 

The only thing that hurt was near my eyebrow. Gabe stopped my hand before I could touch it.

"Don't touch anything." He said. "You need to get cleaned up first."

"You both need to go to urgent care." Steph said.

"Take her." Gabe said to Steph. "I gotta wait for Jed to get here."

"Alright. Okay." She said.

I struggled getting to my feet even with Steph's help but once I was upright I could walk pretty steadily.  

Gabe walked us outside to make sure both that the outsiders were clearing off and that they weren't gonna give us any shit.

One of them called me fucking psycho, but Steph, with a firm arm around my shoulder, directed us down the street and told me to ignore them.

I could feel that she was tense as we walked with a sense of urgency, though I was pretty sure that there was nothing wrong with me. 

The people we passed along the way looked at me in horror.

"I must look insane huh?" I asked Steph. 

Steph looked me over. "You… look like an actual crime scene."

"Wonderful." I said.

"You're really not in pain?" She asked.

"My head hurts a little." I said.

"It looks like you're bleeding from your eyebrow." She said.

"I'll be ok." I said, looking at her. "I'm sorry. I just.. Lost it."

Steph shrugged.

"I'm just glad you're okay." She said.

"Anger is the only emotion I struggle with. Violently angry people.. I absorb it like a sponge. I'm really embarrassed." 

"Don't be." She said, before smiling broadly. "I mean, I don't condone violence or anything, but I think it's sexy that you know how to fight."

"Sexy? I asked.

She turned to face me, stopping in front of the clinic and smiling sheepishly.

"Yeah. I mean, you're sexy anyway, but seeing you covered in someone else's blood is… I don't know if I've ever been this attracted to you before."

I stared at her, shocked. I couldn't find the faintest shred of a joke on her face.

She shrugged. "Figured I should just say it out loud since I'm probably going to be thinking about it for a while anyway. You would have overheard it eventually."

I sighed and shook my head. "Now I'm going to have to get checked for an irregular heart beat too."

Looking satisfied, she opened the door and held it open for me. "We're in the right place at least."

There was nobody else at urgent care, so we were seen very quickly. Steph knew the doctor, of course, so she was permitted to join me in the back room. 

I was greeted with wide eyes and asked to explain what happened while the doctor used discretion in trying to wash away all the blood that didn't belong to me.

As I sat down I caught my reflection for the first time, and I did look insane. There were several little splatters of blood on my clothing, along with a bigger one near my mouth and running down my chin, but the most blood was streaked down the side of my face, beginning from my eyebrow.  

That was mine .

Steph jumped in and provided a much more colorful blow by blow account of the tale, which I appreciated greatly.

She was such an animated storyteller and she recounted every detail almost with a sense of pride.

The doctor could surely tell I was blushing.

"I think we're gonna need a couple stitches here." The doc said as she got up to my eyebrow. I winced a bit when she went over it with a fresh peroxide sponge. 

"Think it's gonna scar?" I asked.

"Shouldn't be too noticeable since we're stitching it up so quickly. For a while it'll stand out, but it should fade with time." The doctor said. 

Steph grinned.  "It's okay. Chicks dig scars."

I grinned back at her.

"Your knuckles look a little swollen. Are you feeling any pain in your hands?" The doctor asked as she wiped the blood clean from my hands.

"Kinda sore, not really painful." I said.

"That's good, maybe just slight bruising. Cold compression until they feel better. Dizzy at all?" 

I shook my head and she had me take my glasses off before shining a small flashlight into my pupils.

"No sign of a concussion." She said. "I'd say you came out on the better side of this fight."

I kept quiet.

"Let me just grab some supplies and we'll get you out of here." The doctor said before leaving the room.

Steph and I were alone now.

I stared at her, waiting for her to make some kind of a funny quip, but Steph turned purple instead. Powerfully purple, and loud .

"Kiss. Her. Do it now. Just do it. Look at her. How can you resist?"

I looked away, trying to keep my face neutral.

After a moment she asked, "Am I a color?"

I nodded. "Purple. But.. It's indistinct. Can't read it.

She cracked a smile and looked away. "That's probably a good thing."

She closed her eyes and sighed, her aura fading away slowly.

"I'm glad you didn't break your knuckles or anything. We need those hands in good working order." She said. "Maybe we should skip practice tonight though. Want them fresh for the show tomorrow."

The doctor returned then and without asking, Steph got up and sat closer to me, taking one of my hands.

Not that needles were something I've ever been scared of, but it was just so damn sweet of her.

"Just concentrate on your girlfriend, this won't take long." The doctor said just before she sunk the needle in.

Steph's face lit up at the doctor's assumption. She nodded enthusiastically and provided the best distraction ever. I felt nothing as the doctor threaded my wound closed. I couldn't take my eyes off of Steph's beautiful face even if I wanted to.

I felt exactly what she felt when I looked into her eyes. What were we waiting for?  

The doctor was finished before I knew it. And Steph and I were on our way back to the Lantern. I took her hand early on and it made her a glow a vibrant yellow.

She looked sideways at me. "I think you might have a black eye forming."

"Do chicks dig black eyes too?" I asked.

She laughed before nodding pointedly "Uh, yeah."

She stepped forward to hold the bar door open for me.

"Time to get fired." I said.

"Doubt it." Steph said.

I peeked inside and could see Gabe and Jed talking behind the bar.

Nerves got the better of me. 

"It'll be okay. Jed takes really good care of his employees." Steph said, rubbing my back.

I nodded. "Alright, just give me a minute."

When I walked in, Gabe spotted me straight off the bat. His aura erupted in red, and I realized that Jed wasn't going to be the hard part in this exchange.

I approached the men who were talking quietly, Jed didn't seem to notice me until Gabe spoke.

"You had to get fucking stitches ?" Gabe all but yelled.

"Alright." Jed said. He motioned for us to go into the back room and we both followed him.

He closed the door behind him and turned to me. "Are you okay, Alex?"

"I'm fine." I said. "Honestly, it looks a lot worse than it is. I just hit my head on the bar."

"You shouldn't have gotten involved." Gabe growled.

"Yeah, because you really look like you had everything under control from the ground, Gabe." I said.

Gabe's eyes flashed dangerously.

"These things happen in this line of work." Jed said. "I would never encourage you to jump in the middle of it Alex, but from what I heard today I'm glad you did."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Jed? Do you know what could have happened?" Gabe said.

"It could have, yeah. But it looks like your sister knows how to take care of herself. Those men got hurt ."

I didn't want to be having this conversation anymore.

Soon, I would have to explain to Gabe about where I learned to fight and why, and he would just blame himself for it. Like, yeah. I was alone. Of course I had to learn to defend myself.

"Should I just get back to work?" I asked Jed.

Jed looked really impressed. "No, no. I wouldn't make anyone work with fresh stitches. I'll cover you tonight, kid."

"If you're sure." I said, taking a step back towards the door. 

"I'll see you at the Spring Festival tomorrow." He said.

I locked eyes with Gabe who was burning redder than ever. 

"Alright." I said. "Goodnight." 

Before Gabe could say anything I left the backroom and headed straight for my stairs. I used the height advantage to spot Steph over at her seat and motion for her to come with me.

She left Ryan behind and followed me upstairs.

"Did you get in trouble?" She asked.

"No." I said. "Jed insisted I take the night off. It's Gabe, though. He's fucking pissed that I got involved."

"Ehh." Steph tilted her head. "Of course he is, no big brother would be happy about his sister getting into a fist fight with 3 grown men even if she did win."

"Yeah well." I took my jacket off and threw it on my bed. "I had to look after myself for a long time. He's gonna have to get over that." 

Steph looked sympathetic but somewhat troubled.

"I don't want to see you fight either." She walked towards me. "After everything you went through, I want you to have a nice life with little confrontation. I'm sure that Gabe just wants that too."

"When it comes to someone attacking my family I'll never be able to control it. I just got him back, I can't risk someone taking that away from me."

Steph ran her hand over her head before pulling her beanie off and throwing it onto the foosball table. She came to me after and pulled me into a tight hug.

I melted into it.

Steph was the perfect height where my head came to rest against her shoulder. She smelled so sweet.. I sighed contentedly against her.

And then I heard the door open.

We pulled apart and turned to see Gabe staring at us. He was no longer burning with rage and even looked uncomfortable to have walked in on us like this.

"Sorry." He said before turning to leave.

"Gabe, what is it?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Look, I'm sorry. But I can't put you in a position where you can be potentially harmed."

"Well, I don't have it in me to sit by and watch you get your ribs kicked in if I can do something about it."

"Okay, but you shouldn't have to." Gabe looked miserable.

"You can't protect me from everything." I said. "Even in little picturesque towns, shit happens. You should be happy that I can handle it."

Beside me, I could feel that Steph was uncomfortable, like she wanted to make a smooth exit so Gabe and I could have some privacy.

I found her wrist and gripped it gently to let her know that I needed her.

I really wasn't ready to have this conversation... 

"Alex, where did you learn to fight like that?" His voice sounded defeated now.

There was no right answer for this. No matter what I said, he would hate himself for it.

"Don't worry about it." I said.

He erupted in blue. 

I groaned internally.

"One of those guys lost a couple teeth, just so you know." He said, before turning for the door. 

I watched him leave before crossing the room to my couch and slumping onto it, one hand covering my face. 

"There's no good answer to that question." I sighed to myself.

I could hear Steph move. A cabinet opened, and then the fridge. 

I considered going downstairs when the bar officially 'closed' to have a heart to heart with Gabe.

I supposed I should try and tell him about my abilities as well...

Steph sat next to me rolling an icepack up in a few paper towels. She took one of my hands and held it in place over my knuckles before securing it in place with more paper towels.

For the first time in a long time I watched someone go out of their way to take care of me. I watched her face while she wrapped up another ice pack before holding out her hand for my other hand.

I gave it to her and she repeated the process of wrapping the pack to my other set of knuckles.

"Don't worry, I'll be able to play tomorrow." I said.

"That's not a huge deal. I just don't want you to be in pain." She said.

"I'm not in pain."  I said, with a half smile.

Steph leaned back against the couch and smiled back at me before running a hand through her hair.

My stomach lurched at the sight of her. I forgot to breathe for a moment.

"I wasn't gonna say anything because it seems like you really enjoy your job at the bar, but we're hiring at the record store, and since I've been there I've had zero fights." She said.

I raised my good eyebrow, "Do you really think it'd be a good idea if we worked together?"

"I think it'd be great." She said, grinning, "Gabe won't have to worry. I could do my thing in the booth and not have to worry about customers. And then on top of that I'd get to look at you all day."

I stared at Steph's thoughtful expression as she burst into a smile.

"Dr. Hadley thought I was your girlfriend." She said.

I beamed back at her. "I guess we must look like that."

"I could get used to being called that." Steph said, staring down at her own hands.

I felt like my heart was in a vice. I took a deep breath to steady myself before speaking.

"I could get used to you calling me babe." I said.

Steph exhaled sharply and sat up straighter before reaching a hand out to touch my face.

The purple aura appeared again and I could hear her immediately.

"Kiss the girl. Kiss the damn girl.."

She leaned closer to me, her eyes falling to my lips before she smirked.

I waited for her eyes to return to mine. She blinked several times and sighed before laughing.

"Can you see it?" She asked.

"Yeah." My voice came out without volume.

"Can you hear it?" 

I nodded.

She pursed her lips together and seemed to be searching my face for consent.

She was so close and I fought hard to maintain eye contact with her for as long as I could. 

It felt like we were communicating in this prolonged silence. 

When I couldn't do it any longer, my eyes fell to her lips and I felt like I was being pulled in.

I wanted to touch her face but I remembered my hands were wrapped.  

Instead, I just leaned into her. I was closing the gap, as if my innermost wants and needs had assumed control of every muscle in my body.

I closed my eyes, and soon after I could feel Steph's breath against my face, it led me directly to her lips.

I felt faint. Words do no justice in describing what kissing Steph is like. It felt like chemicals exploding in my brain, sending little jolts of electricity unexpectedly all over my body.  Every hair on my body was standing on end.

I felt her smile before she pulled away, brushing my lips with her own one last time. I wanted to chase her but I completely forgot to breathe. I found myself gasping for air.

Steph blinked slowly at me, her cheeks were crimson and it seemed like she also lost the ability to speak. 

I stood up and paced for a bit while unwrapping my hands. 

I freed them one by one, placing the ice packs back on the coffee table in front of her.  

I locked eyes with her again and still didn't have words.

Steph watched me closely, looking nervous.

I pulled my glasses off my face and set them beside the ice packs.

I walked to stand in front of her tentatively before resting my knee on the couch beside her.

She gaped at me as I straddled her. I used her shoulders to keep my balance and I didn't give her much time to react before I was kissing her again.

This time, I held nothing back.

With a hand in her hair, I deepened the kiss and I was only spurred on when she gripped my hips. 

I revelled in this emotion and let it consume me. Relations were nothing new to me, but this- this feeling felt so foreign. I'd never wanted anybody so much in my life. And for some fucking reason, she actually wanted me too.

It felt like it was going to devour me. Like I was on fire, burning from the inside out but instead of pain it was pleasure all the way down deep into my bones.

I couldn't get enough of her. Her lips felt like silk dragging against mine, her hands now exploring little patterns up and down my spine through my shirt, even the way she tasted and smelled made me feel things on a biological level.

Steph's thoughts were loud and surprisingly graphic. I felt my temperature rising and I thought for sure there was no stopping this.  

Fuck it.

If Steph wanted me tonight, she could have me. I was more than ready.

I was fully in the gutter, imagining all of the things I wanted her to do to me and aching for the ability to completely decimate her.

I wanted to make Steph see colors, too.

She took my bottom lip in her mouth.  When I felt pressure from her teeth I gasped loudly. The sound that came out of me brought me up short.

I pulled back and we froze in place apart from the panting on both sides.

"Sorry. I-" I stammered and trailed off.

Sorry for moaning? 

My face must have been purple at this point.

Return to earth, Alex...

Steph ignored my struggle. She smiled, looking punch drunk, her eyes were dilated at least double the size of what they should be. 

She pulled me closer by the back of my head to her until our foreheads were touching.

"Holy shit, I dreamt about that happening a hundred different ways." She said.

"I know." I said, grinning.

"It was better than anything I could have come up with." She said before kissing my cheek and hugging me tightly.

Almost too good.

I had a hard time regulating my heartbeat.  I shook my head experimentally, trying to calm down.

I pulled back to look at her again. Her green eyes were extra vibrant as she scanned my face, I'd never seen her look so happy before.

I narrowed my eyes when I remembered something.

"Who was that girl at the bar earlier?" I asked.

Steph looked surprised that I brought this up now .

"Don't know. Just met her today. Her name is Jess."

"Oh." I said, sliding off of her lap to sit next to her again, leaving my legs strewn across her. I grabbed one of the icepacks and held it to my knuckle again. 

"Wellllll, Jess wanted to ride your face." I said, as casually as I could.

Steph bit her lip and nodded, extremely amused before shrugging and looking sideways at me.

"Well, that really sucks for Jess. I'm already dating this amazing girl."

I smirked and balanced the ice pack across both of my hands.

"Exclusively?" I asked.

Steph broke into a toothy smile. "You were jealous?"

I shook my head even though it was a blatant lie.

"I just want to know if-" I shook my head again, "No. I mean. I.. I want us to be exclusive."

"You're fucking adorable." Steph said, she was rubbing my leg through my jeans.

"I'm serious." I looked at her.

"I don't think I've even acknowledged another girl since I first laid eyes on you." Steph said, earnestly.

"I don't want to see anyone else." I said.

Steph nodded. "I don't either. Does that make you feel better?"

"It really does." I said, smiling.

"Well, babe ," She emphasized.

I felt a thrill being called that again.

"If we're not gonna practice tonight, what do you want to do?"

I shrugged. "Let's have a night in? Order some takeout… watch some movies? Listen to music?"

She grinned, "My music or your music?"

"I was hoping to teach you about the finer points of Glassjaw." I said, grinning.

I picked up my phone and put my glasses back on to look at local restaurants that deliver when I eyed her over the screen.

"Netflix and makeout until dinner?" I asked.

Steph chuckled before grabbing the remote off the coffee table. She rested her head against the couch, her eyes smouldering at me. 

I never thought that I'd ever actually feel comfortable on a stage, but here I was.

The night was warm, the crowd was fantastic and whenever I needed reassurance, I could just look beside myself to see the beautiful girl on the radio staring at me like I was her entire reason for existing.

It was time for the last song of our small set.

I turned to the crowd.

"Here's one that actually came out after I was born. Just barely." I said, smiling.

One face stood out to me in the crowd, our loudest supporter who's golden aura was obscuring my view of the people surrounding him.

Steph's idea to keep Gabe in the dark about our performance had been genius.

Even from here I could see he had been crying at some point.

To be able to perform in front of him with the guitar he gave me meant so much.

I started the song before turning to Steph to make sure she could hear me. She came in with perfect timing.

I felt so powerful with her beside me, it was like nothing could go wrong.

"Sucker love is heaven sent

You pucker up, our passion's spent

My heart's a tart, your body's rent

My body's broken, yours is bent"

Gabe knew this song. I could see him singing along with every word.

"Carve your name into my arm

Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed

'Cause there's nothing else to do

Every me and every you"

I actually found myself losing my body to the rhythm. I danced in front of this whole community. My community.

Haven looked so different to me now.

I turned to Steph as sang directly into her eyes.

"Sucker love is known to swing

Prone to cling and waste these things

Pucker up for heaven's sake

There's never been so much at stake

I serve my head up on a plate

It's only comfort, calling late

'Cause there's nothing else to do

Every me and every you"

It was hard to look away from her. She seemed to be wearing a thin coat of sweat and she was wearing a tanktop again.   

Her arms...

So sexy. And so mine.

Mine. She is all mine.

"Every me and every you

Every me

Every me and every you

Every me"

I felt on top of the world as the song came to an end. Gabe was actually jumping.

I addressed the crowd one last time,

"You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for having us tonight. I'm Alex Chen. And give it up for your very own Steph Gingrich."

I motioned to her, and Steph stood up holding her sticks high in the air. She approached the microphone to remind people what services were still available at what booths.

I took the opportunity to set my guitar back on its stand and walk behind the stage.

Adrenaline like I'd never felt before tore up my veins.

I knew right then and there that being on a stage, no matter how big, was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. No physical act, nor passion, nor aspiration has ever been so great to me.

I belonged on a stage.

I jumped up and down feeling dizzy from my racing emotions.

Fuck. That was everything.

Steph poked her head around the back of the stage and spotted me. Her face lit up so bright.

"Ha. Fuck. Dude… you were so incredible."

Without warning, I launched myself at her. I was so sure we'd both topple over but Steph caught me. 

I secured my arms around the back of her neck, wrapped my legs around her waist and kissed her with everything I had even though I could still hear the entire crowd going about their night on the other side of the stage.

Who cares who sees anything?

"Holy f- Oh. Ah.."

I opened one eye and I could see Gabe standing adamantly with his back to us.

Oh, okay yeah, that's pretty awkward.

I put my legs down and then Steph noticed our audience and let me go. All of the color left her face.

I tapped Gabe on the shoulder and tried to pretend like that didn't just happen.

"How'd I do?" I asked.

He turned around and also seemed like he wanted to delete his most recent memory.

"I didn't know you could fucking sing like that." He said, eyes wide. "God damn Alex. It's just like we always talked about but you're doing it."

"I would have never even considered doing it if it wasn't for Steph." I said. "But now, holy shit like this is what I want to be ."

Steph looked like she thought it was a bad idea to bring her up to Gabe's attention again so soon. 

Awkwardly, she stepped past us. "I should go lock the trailer down for the night."

"Gingrich." Gabe said as she started walking away.

She turned back to him.

"We need to have a talk soon."

I punched Gabe in the shoulder. He glared at me.

"You and I need to have a talk." I growled, pulling him back further behind the stage.

"Whaat?" He asked indignantly.

"I can take care of myself Gabe. If I find out you're threatening her at all I'm going to be pissed. No baseball bat. No pool noodle. Nothing."

"Christ, I wasn't going to threaten her. I just wanted a heart to heart. You forget she's my best friend? Of course I'm going to have some words for her if she starts dating my sister. It's not just bad things either, she has my blessing."

"Well, she doesn't need your blessing." I said.

"Fuck, Alex, why are you so pissed off?"

"Because." I shook my head. "You don't know where I came from and what I've been through, and you think I'm just going to fit into this little sister archetype you have in your memories."

Gabe sat on one of the speaker boxes and looked at me. I could tell he was trying to put on a strong face for me, but I could see right through him.

"I'm sorry. That came out really harsh." I said.

"Why don't you tell me, then? I want to hear everything." He said.

"I haven't told you because you're going to blame yourself. You already blame yourself for my shitty childhood."

"You have no way of knowing that." Gabe shrugged.

"I do, though." I sat next to him. "And this isn't gonna be easy for you to hear but it is the truth."

"Try me." He said.

"One rule. Don't interrupt me."

I started at the beginning and I told him about each terrible group home I was in. I told him about individuals I had conflicts with and what bones I had to break to find a resolution.

I told him about my empath abilities and the false diagnoses I recieved, and all the medication I was given and how sick it made me.

I told him about how I often wanted to die, and about the attempts I made to get there.

I told him about running away from the group homes just to get away, and the awful drug addicts and sick fucks that I met that offered me a 'way out' if I would do something for them.

That I'd usually end up having to run away from them as well, because on top of everything else, sometimes they were violent too.

I told him about my own escapades with drugs and alcohol, how there was at least a year of my life that I couldn't remember.

We talked until it was pitch dark outside, and by the end of it we were both sobbing.

I took my glasses off to clean them on my shirt when there was a lull in the conversation.

Blurry blue was consuming Gabe.

"If I wasn't such a fuck up she wouldn't have had to go through that."

"You were not that much older than me, Gabe. Dad leaving fucked us both up. You weren't ready to be an adult. I can't be mad that you didn't step up." I said. 

"You can really hear thoughts." He said, awestruck.

"Feelings." I corrected.

He didn't know how he was ever going to not be upset about this.

He would never forgive himself.

"Gabe."

He rubbed his eyes, but couldn't come up with anything to say.

"You saved me. I made it out of there and I'm happy. I just performed like, a mini concert, and I met an amazing girl. And I'm working . And it's only been a week."

"I don't want you near bar fights, Alex." He said.

"Yeah, well. I'm going to take the job at the record shop. Steph said she'd hire me."

He looked at me and sighed in relief.

"Always liked her." He said.

"Me too." I said.

"So do you guys make out in public all the time, or is this new?" He asked.

"We were well out of everyone's view." I told him.

"Not mine." He said with deep regret.

I shrugged. "That's your own damn fault."

"We should go on a double date sometime." He said.

"Yeah, maybe when we're a little more established." I said, frowning because he was pulling us off topic. "But you get it right? You took me away from the nightmare and things are going great for me now. Because of you. So this guilt thing... You gotta get over that."

Gabe nodded.

"I'm looking forward now." I said. "I'm happier than I ever remember being and it's your fault."

He looked at me.

"Dwelling on the past isn't going to get us anywhere."

"You're right." He said.

Gabe took a deep breath and sighed. Finally, his blue aura faded away.

He smiled. "The Placebo song was perfect."

"I thought you'd like that." I grinned. 

"I can really see you becoming a performer." He said. "I'll book you guys at the lantern like… anytime."

"That's what I want." I said.

"Well, whatever I can do to help." He said. "But I think Steph is the one that's gonna get you there. She's smart about that shit."

I nodded.

Another lull in the conversation and i was surprised to see Gabes aura shine yellow.

"You're the strongest person I've ever known." He said.

I looked at him. 

"Watching you perform tonight, and then hearing everything you went through… I'm just so proud of you Alex."

"We don't have to get mushy." I said.

Gabe smiled and stood up. "That's as mushy as it's going to get."

I stood up as well. He shoved me.

"Go see your girl." He said. 

"Right." I said.

"Let's do a hangout night soon. Your place. Rooftop. All our friends. Lots of alcohol." He said.

"Sounds good." I said.

I followed him out from behind the stage and watched him walk into Charlotte's arms. I stopped to put my guitar back in its case and hoist it onto my back before the entire group of them approached me.

"Alex!" Char said, "You seriously kicked ass!"

"Thanks."

"Gabe never said you could sing ."

"Actually, that was my first time singing publically." I said.

"It was really impressive, Alex." Ryan said.

"Thanks." I smiled.

I could see Steph coming out of the little trailer she had broadcasted from tonight some distance away.

She pocketed her keys after locking the door and looked around before spotting me.

I only had eyes for her as she approached us.

"Hey guys." Steph said.

Steph was greeted warmly and received much of the same praise that I was given.

I slipped my hand into hers as soon as she came to stand beside me.

She squeezed my hand and quickly let go of it to put her arm around my shoulder instead. It was so damn smooth, she didn't even miss a beat in the conversation.

"No, Ryan's right. I saw it too. Eleanor was fucking rocking out." She grinned.

We all laughed because it was true.

"I hope to see you guys play together again." Charlotte said.

Steph and I looked at one another and smiled.

"I hope so too." Steph said.

"Me too." I agreed.

Char nudged Gabe and smiled softly.

"I remember when you used to look at me like that."

"I still look at you like that." Gabe said, rolling his eyes.

I laughed, and as they started bickering Steph leaned in close to me. 

"Wanna get out of here?" She whispered.

I nodded and she immediately faked a yawn.

"Oh man, the adrenaline crash is coming." She said. "I'm fucking wiped."

"Same." I agreed.

"I'll walk you home?" Steph asked.

Charlotte beamed. "And they're at the point where they only want to spend time alone together."

"Thanks for the play by play, Char." Steph said, exasperated, She raised a hand in farewell, "We'll see you guys around."

"Goodnight." I said as Steph started pulling me along with her.

I leaned my head onto her shoulder as we walked, semi relieved that I didn't have to ride out the excitement of the night in front of an audience.

"I seriously can't get over how amazing that was." Steph said when we were out of earshot of everyone else.

We walked together through the park at night towards the main street without a sense of time or purpose.

With the performance behind us now, I didn't have a single worry in the world.

"I really want to do that again." I said.

"Perform?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"It'll happen. I promise you." She said. "That's my dream too, to just hit the road and tour. We could turn our jam sessions into writing sessions.. And maybe we could officially become a band."

I wasn't so sure about the hitting the road part yet, but being in a band with Steph sounded like a dream come true.

We came out of the park to the main road right in front of the lantern.

We entered the deserted bar and made our way up my stairs. 

Steph leaned against my door frame.

"The only problem about performing at the Spring Festival is that you didn't get to experience it properly." Steph said.

"What'd I miss?" I asked.

"Actually, I stashed something away behind the bar. Give me a second." 

"What are you..?"

Steph disappeared back downstairs and I gave up on the sentence.

I left the door open for her and went to put my guitar down, leaning it against the support beam.

My mind was still under the influence of adrenaline

I turned when I heard the door shut. Steph was standing there awkwardly with a long stem rose.

I raised my eyebrows at her.

"I swear this isn't just me being cheesy. There's this long tradition of girls giving out roses during the Spring Festival.. It was kind of gross concept before, something about letting someone special know you're ready to mate, but nowadays, we just give them out to uhhh.. confess our feelings." 

I smiled. She took a few steps toward me.

"You already know my feelings, but I never really got the chance to confess.. So, this is for you." She said, holding it out to me.

I took it and bit my lip. 

Tradition or not, nobody has ever given me a flower before. 

I smelled it, because that's what you're supposed to do, right?

Steph stepped forward and hugged me.

I put my head against her shoulder.

"I really fucking like you, Alex."

I grinned. "I really fucking like you, too."

She pulled away just enough to look down into my eyes and touch my face.

I love when she looks at me like this. It made me feel like I was the center of her universe.

"You look tired." I said.

Steph frowned. "I gotta be up so early tomorrow. Adam's going to be there at 7am to move the trailer and I'm gonna have to unload all of the equipment myself and then go live until 4 o'clock."

"I'll help." I said. "Since I want to make a good impression on my new boss.."

She laughed, "Ah, I think you've already done that. Still, gonna have to be an early night tonight."

"How early?" I asked.

We both looked at the time on the microwave.

11:49pm.

I winced.

She sighed. 

"Probably, like now."

I protested when she tried to walk away while holding my hand. She tugged me gently and I relented, following behind her to the front door.

"I'll be off early tomorrow though," She said, turning to me at the door. "I'll make it up to you."

Without hesitation, I cupped her face and rolled onto my toes to kiss her.

She broke it off far too soon, leaving me wanting more.

She smiled at me apologetically. "Sorry, Babe. I could probably kiss you all night. I'll call you in the morning when the trailer's ready?"

I nodded.

She looked me up and down as she backed into the hallway slowly.

"Steph?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"Do… you wanna stay here tonight?" I asked.

"Uhh..er." Steph's eyes went huge while she stammered all over herself.

I smiled. "We could just sleep. I'll take the couch if you want."

Steph blinked at me several times before shaking her head jerkily.

"No couch." She said. 

Chapter Text

Fuck.

I felt myself coming to.  

Perhaps, the worst thing ever is waking up in the middle of a good dream.

I kept my eyes closed and willed myself to fall back asleep but with each passing second my make-believe world was fading away. 

When I finally conceded that it was a lost cause, I sighed and opened my eyes. I stared through my ceiling. Into nothingness, trying to remember the exact details of my euphoric dreamstate.

As of now my only recollection of the dream was the feeling it gave me. 

A persistent thrill in my lower abdomen that surged warmth through my entire body.

A fingertip landed on my lower jaw and trailed a line underneath my chin.  

It did not startle me, rather it brought a smile to my face when I remembered that she was here with me still.

For the fifth night in a row …

Steph wore a blank expression as she watched closely the progress her fingers were tracing on my skin.

I found her other hand and laced our fingers together which did nothing to disrupt her progress.

She looked like she was somehow gaining enrichment from what she was doing, like she was reading a book or engaged in a deep discussion. 

I kept quiet to keep from disturbing her. She looked so engaged that I would have been concerned if I wasn't so preoccupied with how hot she looked in my bed with the covers sloppily kicked off, wearing my shorts with fucked up bed head and eyes only for me.

Nobody has the right to look this incredible in the morning.

Immaculate .

The way her tank top was askew, pulled up on one side and exposing her abdomen, it made me feel something I could recall faintly from my dream.

I had to bite my lip.

She fanned out her fingers and cupped the side of my face. I found myself involuntarily leaning into her touch.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" She asked, without shifting her attention.

I scoffed and raised my eyebrows at her. "Good morning to you, too" 

I masked how taken aback I truly was.

Steph looked me in the eyes, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Good morning." She said, before pursing her lips. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

Oh, she was being serious .

I had to laugh. "You're asking me as if I'm not a sure thing.."

"Nothing is ever a sure thing." Steph said.

I shook my head, "I'm your sure thing."

Steph stared at me expectantly. 

"What took you so long to ask?" I asked.

"Just wanted to be sure.." She said, "I have a tendency to get carried away sometimes when I meet someone I share so many similarities and good feelings with. Last time I confused it for something it wasn't and hurt someone in the process."

"And you're sure this time?"  I asked.

"I'm sure about you, yeah."

I smiled. She returned it.

"I'd love to be your girlfriend." I said, staring at our hands before watching her react.

Her smile was triumphant, it sent a ripple of undefined color to the edges of my bedroom. 

"So, do I make you a key to my place now , or?" I asked, half joking.

Half not.

"Your voice is so sexy right after you wake up." She said.

I was about to insist that no, there was nothing sexy about my gross morning voice, but she silenced me.

She sat up and turned on me, swinging her leg over my body without ever taking her hand from my face. She hovered above me and let her thumb run over my bottom lip.

I actually whimpered.

She grinned like a fox and kissed me, her hair falling on either side of my face.

I could feel her weight coming to rest on top of me over time as she kissed me deeper.

I ran my hands up and down her sides appreciating her shape, eventually trespassing underneath the cloth and feeling her flesh.   

The slope on her lower back, the divot that runs from beside her hip bone up to her rib cage.

She hummed into my mouth when I did this and I paused with my palm flat against her stomach.

"It's okay." She whispered.

I opened my eyes but hers were already closed again.

She leaned into me with her whole body and before I could even process all of the feelings that gave me, I felt her mouth at my neck.

"Holy shit." I breathed involuntarily

I heard her chuckle, it sent vibrations down my collar bone.

Oh fuck.

How am Iy already close?

If this continued, she could finish me before we even started without even knowing truly what effect she was having on my body.

My heart was thundering, my breath hitched and I did want this. I knew I wanted this. I'd been thinking about it since Steph started staying over.

But on top of all the pleasure there was panic swelling inside me.

My eyes shot open when I felt her teeth graze my shoulder. 

I caught sight of the time displayed on the stereo.

"We.. We have to open the store in 45 minutes." I huffed.

Steph pulled back to look at me. She grinned, her eyes heavily lidded.

"Do we have to?" She asked.

I swallowed hard, trying to catch my breath. "Is that a trick question? A-are you trying to find out if I'm a delinquent employee?"  

Steph laughed and sat completely upright straddling my lap, putting her hand on my sternum.

I quietly enjoyed the position.

"This is new. I think I'm going to make a hobby of making you squirm." She said.

"Not exactly hard to do.. For you." I said.

She sighed, and I could tell something was bothering her. Behind her eyes, the cogs in her head were accelerating.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked.

"Anything."

She smirked and kept her eyes diverted from mine. "So.. I feel a lot of things when I'm around you. And I wouldn't know the first thing about hiding that from you."

"I'm sorry.." I said.

"No no. Don't apologize." She said, "All I'm worried about…" She looked thoughtful. "If you were to overhear something I was thinking that was overly aggressive or unwelcomed and it was off putting to you.."

"I haven't heard anything off putting." I said. "Or.. Unwelcome for that matter."

"But if you do, would you talk to me about it?" She asked, "because I would never know if you even heard anything and that could be detrimental if I went on like nothing happened. I just don't ever wanna make you feel uncomfortable."

"Why are you worried about this right now?" I asked.

"I mean, my body is screaming, I'm sure you've heard it."

"I have." I said. "And I'm not uncomfortable… Honestly, it's hot. I'm into it. I'm into you . I don't want you to think I'm making excuses to get out of doing it, because it's not that at all. I just, I want it to be perfect. I want to be the best you ever had."

"With all this buildup I don't think you have to worry about that." She said.

"Of course I worry about it." 

"Don't overthink it." Steph said. "I kind of like the idea of our first time being awkward and real. Kind of like how we met and got together."

"Tell me your best case scenario." I said.

"Best case scenario?"

"Yeah. How do you envision it?"

Steph grinned down at me.  "God, I don't know. Just simplicity. Music, maybe candles, you and I. And maybe at some point, we get too excited and I accidentally headbutt you, and we stop to laugh about it because it's fucking hilarious, but then we get right back to it. If you can laugh during sex with someone, that's a strong connection." Steph mused.

"I've never felt so connected to anyone like I do with you" I said, earnestly.

"Same. But Alex, I think maybe you forget sometimes that I can't read you the way you read me. I know my mind races a lot, and I know you can hear me but sometimes I'd really like to know that you're feeling the same way." She said.

Oh.

"You're right." I said, sitting up and putting us into yet another amazing position. "I should work on communicating better."

She smiled. 

"I've never really been someone to pine for someone else." I cringed at my own words. "You haven't even touched me yet, but I've gotten close a few times. You have this crazy effect on me.."

Steph's eyes went wide. "You too?"

I laughed nervously and hid my face against her shoulder, feeling it burn.

Steph rubbed my back. "I guess we are on the same page."

"I'm not used to talking about stuff like this openly." I said.

"Well, I want you to be comfortable. Communication is really important in sex." Steph said. 

I nodded. "I'm not uncomfortable . It's just new."

She pecked me "Let's just be open with one another. I'm not in any rush, so if we keep up a dialogue we'll just know when it's time."

"I look forward to it." I smiled.

"Yeah, me too."

Steph's eyes drifted to the time and she sighed.

"We have to be responsible adults huh?" She asked.

I frowned a bit and nodded.

She got off of my lap and stood beside the bed.

"Mind if I take a quick shower?" She asked.

"Go ahead, I showered last night."

She bit her lip and took a step back from me before slowly pulling her tank top over her head and tossing at me. She wore nothing underneath.

She triumphantly walked out of sight, leaving me nearly hyperventilating.

A few seconds later her shorts came flying into view.

I heard the water turn on and leaned back onto my palms, knowing how long of a fucking day was ahead of me.

Working at the record shop was so low key compared to the bar.

I carried a box from the back room out into the store, vibing to the song Steph was playing.

New releases.

I pulled the old new releases and placed them into their respective genres before emptying the box.

Steph then wanted me to create my own tab.

Alex's Recommendations .

It was more difficult than I thought it would be to choose my 'favorites'.

Like.. That's a really deep question I would have to put hours of thought into.

Most of the few customers we had today were only here to add something to our order list.

Makes sense that she could run this store and a radio station by herself at the same time for so long, but she assured me that she actually was looking for help for a while.

"As we move into the two o'clock hour I would love to play requests, give me a call or even come down to Rocky Mountain Records, we'd love to provide the soundtrack for your life in Haven Springs. I'm Steph and we're gonna keep rocking all day long."

The bell at the door rang out and I locked eyes with a man as he took off his sunglasses.

"Be right with you." I said.

"No rush." He said, going to stand near the register.

I threw the empty box into the back room before turning to him.

"What can I help you with?" I asked.

He stared at me before pointing. "You're the girl."

"Uh." I blinked. "I'm a girl."

"No, you sing, right? And play guitar."

"Oh," I scoffed, "You must have seen us at the Spring Festival?"

"I did." He said. "On Youtube. I'm actually from Seattle."

"Oh, super cool."

Couldn't wait to tell Steph and have a laugh about being an internet star.

"So, are you and that girl a band? I couldn't find much about you guys on the net."

"Not yet, technically..." I said. "It's kind of a new... collaboration."

"Is she from Haven, too?" He asked.

I was starting to feel uneasy with his rapid fire questioning..

"Uhm, yeah. Actually…" I walked out from behind the register and motioned for him to follow me.

I walked in front of the glass of Steph's booth and pointed at her.

Steph looked at me confusedly before the man came into view. Her eyes narrowed.

"Oh, what!?" He said, " This is a cool setup!"

Steph checked one more thing on her console before coming out of the booth.

"Hey." She said.

"Hi." The man offered her a handshake. "You're the drummer. I was just telling your friend here that I saw you guys perform on Youtube."

"Oh cool." Steph said, shaking the man's hand. "Yeah, I'm Steph and that's Alex."

I nodded.

"I'm Nate Chambers and I work for an indie label out of Seattle, Suicide Squeeze. Maybe you've heard of us?"

I had not, but given Steph's facial expression she definitely knew what this man was talking about.

She choked out some laughter before regaining her composure. "Yeah right, dude."

With a small smile and plenty of patience, the man produced a business card for each of us. Steph's eyes went huuuge.

Nate Chambers, Talent scout

"So what is this? You run the local radio station out of here?" He asked.

"Y-Yeah." Steph stammered, still staring at the business card. 

"That's a really sweet gig." Nate said.

"Not as sweet as yours." Steph said under her breath.

He turned to me and then back to Steph. "So you guys aren't a band?"

"Uhh we're working on it. Actually, we were just going to start writing together." Steph said, pointing at me.

I nodded.

"Well that's great news. It seems like you two have a great deal of chemistry and talent."

Steph looked almost dizzy. "Look dude, there's no way you came all the way out here to see us based off of one YouTube video."

He smiled. "Actually, I came to Denver to check out another band but I thought I'd drop in since I was so close."

"No fucking way." Steph whispered.

"It's super premature so there's no deal to offer or anything but.. send me your demo if you ever get there, alright?"

"Definitely." Steph said.

He smiled and looked at me, backing up to the front door. "I want you guys to get there. You have an amazing voice."

"Thank you." I said. 

"Nice meeting you. And hope to hear from you soon." He opened the door, and turned with a last wave before heading out onto the street.

Steph turned slowly on the spot and stared at me before exhaling sharply.

"That is the coolest thing that has ever happened to me." She said.

I grinned.

"Seriously, this is a sign. We gotta get to work." She said, closing the gap between us. "Suicide Squeeze! That's where Iron & Wine started. That's where Modest fucking Mouse  started. This is so huge!"

She picked me up causing me to yelp in surprise. "Are you kidding me?" I laughed.

Holy shit, I love it when she picks me up.

I momentarily saw stars and infinite possibilities.

"Alex! We can be something." She put me down. "We need to start writing."

"Yeah. Okay!" I said. "Do you have experience writing songs?"

"Yeah." Steph said. "You?"

"I mean.. I have a journal where I write little excerpts when I think of them but I've never.. finished anything. And I've never shown anyone."

"Well I wouldn't dream of asking to see your personal journal or anything but, I'd love to hear something you wrote.."

"Okay." I said. "I haven't written anything really great but I'd play it for you."

She leaned down and pecked me. "I better get back in the booth." She said. "I know we got the thing tonight but tomorrow I really wanna get started."

I smiled and watched her get back to her booth.

I looked around the store for a while trying to remember what I was doing.

I went into the back room to collapse the empty cardboard box.

I still had to think about my favorites , but that wasn't a super important priority.

My butt vibrated.

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket.

"Hey, by the way if you wanna bend over and pick up any more cardboard boxes in front of the booth window, or like.. Dance or be absurdly attractive in some other way, I'd be totally okay with that."

I blinked and slid my phone back into my pocket before picking up all of the collapsed boxes.

I walked in front of her window with a raised eyebrow.

She grinned at me and started talking into the mic.

"It's 3 o'clock Haven and isn't it such a beautiful day outside today?" She grinned at me. 

I deliberately held out one of the boxes and made a show of accidentally dropping it.

I bent over to pick it up.

"Oh, my goodness. You wouldn't believe it, but even the view from my booth is just breathtaking ."

I stood up straight laughing hysterically.

Steph had already segued into the next song. 

We shared a silent laugh through the glass before I left to take the trash out to the dumpster.

My phone vibrated again.

"You have a really nice ass ."

God, she's on a roll today.

I came back inside and entered her booth. She looked somewhat surprised.  Without a word I just hugged her.

After we held the position for a while, I gripped her wrists and placed her hands on my butt.

I felt her go rigid.

"The cool thing about me being your girlfriend is that you can just do this whenever. You don't have to leer at me through a window like a 13 year old boy." I muttered into her neck.

She laughed and I felt her squeeze my butt experimentally.

"How did I get so fucking lucky?" She asked.

She patted my butt to the beat of the music as she contemplated me. She let her eyes roam around her booth and even out through the glass into the store.

"We need a rule." She said.

"Hm?" 

"I think you maybe shouldn't be allowed in the booth during business hours. Or we'll never get anything done." She said.

"Probably right." I agreed.

I could just throw her on the couch and let the playlist do all the work for the rest of the day.

Steph's emotion burned white hot without warning. I was unable to keep the surprise off of my face.

She noticed and diverted her eyes.

"Good rule. Guess we'll just have to wait until after hours to have sex on that couch." I pointed to it with a nod of my head.

Steph inhaled sharply, likely to yell something at me, but there was a sharp knock on the glass and Steph's hands left my butt at the speed of light.

Ryan was staring at us, bemused. 

"I'll get this." I said.

I left Steph in the booth burning bright orange.

"What's up?" I asked, closing the door behind me.

"I need to pick up an album. Steph has it locked up for me." He said.

"Right."  

I rifled through the cabinets searching for the keys to the cabinet where Steph kept the reserved albums.

"It's the bird calls album." He said.

Ryan felt a bit cold and stiff, but I couldn't get a reading off of him.

"Are you coming over tonight?" I asked him, finding the album and setting it on the desk. "$20 even."

Ryan dug out his wallet and handed me a crisp bill. "Yep. Gabe said it was going to be a legendary night. Hopefully, he doesn't mean legendary like the time we almost burned the building down."

"No, I don't think Jed would appreciate that." I said with a small smile.

"Thanks." He said, waving the record as he headed for the door.

Awkward .

And shitty to be honest. The only thing I ever did to Ryan was fall for Steph.

"This song goes out to a special someone, from a special someone. So this is where you pretend to your special someone that you requested it. You're welcome."

I smiled to myself because this was a song that I told her I loved.. 

And you said, This is the first day of my life.

I'm glad I didn't die before I met you,

But now I don't care

I could go anywhere

With you and I'd probably be happy

"Hey. What did he want?" Steph asked.

"More bird call stuff." I said.

"He's been weird lately. Like, more than usual." She said, passing into the back room.

Damn ..

I could tell Steph the exact reason why that was but it definitely wasn't my place and I knew it wouldn't make her feel any better.

---

"But it's different nowadays. When I was a young kid, highschool was enough. Now it isn't even a question of whether or not someone wants to go to college, it's expected. It shouldn't be like that."

I stood up from the couch where Duckie was giving his long winded speech. He didn't even seem to notice me leaving, but that was okay. Riley and the other guys seated nearby seemed to be invested in his conversation.

I stopped by my fridge to grab a fresh beer and noticed that it was getting harder to walk in a straight line.

I needed to find my people. I couldn't see any. Those left in the apartment were people I didn't know very well, but they were friends of Gabe's and frequent visitors of the Black Lantern.

I climbed the stairs and I could hear Gabe before I saw him.

Here were my people underneath the hanging lights, listening to music downstairs and enjoying a foggy night.

It became evident quickly that it wasn't fog that was resting on my rooftop though. This sweet smell was unmistakable, and Steph was currently nursing the joint.

"Damn." Gabe said when he noticed me. "I'm trying to imagine how Dad would have reacted to you and I smoking together." 

His eyes were redder than I've ever seen them, and that's saying something having lived through his rebellious teen years.

"I think they call that first degree murder." I said.

Steph lit up when she noticed me then and motioned me over as she exhaled a rather large cloud.

She handed me the joint when I stood beside her and she pulled me to sit across her lap.

"Honestly, if that man would have just smoked some weed every now and then we probably could have been a happy family." Gabe continued.

I took a small hit, remembering all the bad times I had when I'd overdone it crossfading before passing it off to Charlotte.

"This strain is ice cream cake. It's really chill and introspective, great for the creative process.

Steph's arms came around my front. "I'm gonna come in tomorrow and get some of this, Char. Alex and I are gonna start writing together."

"No shit?" Charlotte asked. "You have to give me a sneak peak when you get something going."

"I mean yeah, gonna need you guys to let us know it's not terrible before we send it to the talent scout." Steph said.

Gabe had a dumb grin on his face. "You're gonna make my sister famous."

"She's gonna make me famous. I'm the one riding her talent here." Steph said

"No, we're going to get famous together or not at all." I said.

I felt Steph rest her head on my shoulder. I happily took her hand.

Today, ever since people began arriving at my apartment, Steph had been showing me all about the wondrous world of public displays of affection.

I saw Charlotte give Gabe a meaningful look before taking his hand.

I suddenly felt extra aware about exactly how my eyeballs felt in their sockets and I knew the weed was taking its effect.

I closed my eyes and concentrated on the music coming out of the record player.

Was this contentment? If so, how long would it take me to get used to it? Would I ever stop believing that one day this was just going to be over and I'd wake up back in the group home?

"Your hair smells so good." Steph muttered so only I could hear.

I could feel her breathing against me. It calmed me a little bit.

Too good to be true..

Please, to whatever greater force is running this shit show called life, let Steph be real.

Let her be real, and let her be mine.

I took her hand in both of mine and started playing with it, hyper focused.

Steph has amazing hands.

And fingers...

I rubbed her hands, feeling the callouses that she'd developed over years of slamming drumsticks. 

And then curiosity got the better of me.

I put one of mine against hers, palm to palm. Her fingers had a good few centimeters on mine.

I gripped her two longest fingers in my fist.

Merry fucking Christmas to me.

God, when did I get so perverted?

Steph shifted her weight for a moment. I then saw her phone in front of me.

She unlocked it and opened a note.

"Are u ok?" She typed with one hand.

I nodded.

She deleted and retyped,

"Are u always this quiet when ur stoned?"

Had I been silent all this time? No, I'd just spoken about becoming famous.

How long ago was that…?

Have i just been sitting here nonverbal for 20 minutes? Longer?

Possible. My inner dialogue was doing all the work now.

Oh god, how long have I made Steph wait while I contemplated this?

I bursted out laughing. When I turned enough to see Steph's face I started cracking up even harder.

Steph was squinting as if there were a flashlight being shone directly into her face. 

Only there was no flashlight.

I knew exactly where she was, because I had been there before. And I knew she knew that I knew she was fucked up. 

And I was pretty sure she could tell that I was fucked up too.

Steph started laughing at me and this only set me off harder.

"Jeez, what a lightweight." I heard Ryan say.

"That's not fair!" I managed to get out, tears streaming down my face. "It's been awhile."

"You're fucking adorable." Steph said, she started rocking me back and forth slowly.

"Oh my god." I said, taking my glasses off because they were all fogged up. 

My face hurt from laughing but my body felt so relaxed. 

I fell into the rocking rhythm with Steph as I settled down. After a while it felt like we were the only two people in the world.

Just me, and the girl on the radio and her amazing hands moving to the music without a care in the world.

I was hardly aware that time was passing and people leaving. 

I was surprised when it was just Gabe and Charlotte left.

Had Ryan even said goodbye?

"So… Do you guys think you'd be up to performing at the Lantern next week? Sunday?" Gabe asked.

"What do you think?" Steph nudged me.

"How long?" I asked.

"As long as you want." Gabe said. "You can even pick a theme if you wanna do covers, I'll advertise it however you want."

"Sounds cool." Steph said.

"Yeah. Ok. We can put something together, right?" I asked Steph.

"Definitely." Steph said, hugging me tighter and leaning into my neck.

"We're in then." I said with a nervous chuckle. 

Steph was beyond the point of caring who saw us enjoying one another it seemed.

"If it goes well I could talk Jed into making it a weekly thing." Gabe said.

"That would be incredible." Steph said.

Charlotte stood up and pulled on Gabe's arm to no effect.

"Come on. It's late and it's pretty obvious they want some alone time." She said.

Gabe's eyebrow raised. "Gingrich, you want some time alone with my sister, huh?"

Steph stopped rocking us and sat up straight.

Gabe was still clearly very drunk.

"Gonna get your ass kicked." I warned Gabe.

"Don't be an idiot." Charlotte said to him, tugging again.

"I'm just fucking with her." Gabe said, standing up.

I looked at Steph. She wore a stiff smile and still looked severely inebriated.

"Ignore him." I muttered to her as I stood up to follow them.

Steph stood up shakily and gave me a lazy smile before slinking her arm around my around my neck. 

"I mean, he's right to be concerned." She chuckled back as she followed me down the stairs.

Charlotte had a hug for me as I met them at the front door. 

"Had a blast." Gabe said.

"Make sure he doesn't pass out in the gutter." I said to Char.

"I'm fine." Gabe growled at me before pulling me into a tight hug.

I was trapped. I flailed my arms trying to release myself from his rough grasp.

I stepped on his foot hard which is what ultimately freed me.

He put a hand up in farewell before falling off the first stair of my landing. Char helped keep him upright.

"Goodnight." I said to them, closing the door after I saw them get safely down the stairs.

When I turned to look back at the apartment, I could see Steph's legs hanging off of my bed sideways.

I approached her, took her legs and spun her so she was laying straight before climbing into bed beside her.

"Got more messed up than I planned on getting." She said, her eyes still closed.

"It's okay." I said. "Is the room spinning?"

"Not gonna puke." She said, unzipping her jeans and kicking them off.

I came to rest on my side with my arm holding my head up. Still pretty high myself, I became fixated on her toned legs.

I wanted to touch them.

Or have them wrapped around my head. 

Maybe both.

God she's sexy. And in my bed .

I must be a complete idiot for stopping her this morning.

She could have me right now. Even fucked up and stoned.

"What are you thinking?" Steph asked.

She was staring at me. For how long, I had no idea. Even if I was sober I didn't think I could talk myself out of this one.

But I didn't want to. Not really. I reminded myself that I needed to communicate better with Steph.

I took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. "You... have nice legs."

She contemplated me before lifting one of her legs and let it rest on top of my hip.

I tentatively placed a hand on her thigh before she settled more comfortably against her pillow, staring at me expectantly.

It felt like a test. Like she wanted to see what I would do.

I squeezed her thigh experimentally and watched the elasticity of her skin before I started running my palm against her. Up and down.

When I checked her face for approval, she took my hand away and brought it to her face to kiss it.

"We both want to be sober for our first time, right?" She asked.

"Yeah." I sighed, reluctantly.

She gave me a goofy smile. "I know how you feel. Having you on my lap all night was like an endurance challenge."

She pulled me closer to her so that we were sharing a pillow.

She took my glasses off and we stared at one another for a long time

I cracked first, smiling at her affectionately. "You look so stoned." 

She didn't return the smile.

"I think I'm falling in love with you." She stated.

I opened my mouth but had no words.

Her eyes flickered to my mouth and back to my eyes.

"Do you feel the same?" She asked as a purple aura enveloped her.

"I-I think so." I stammered. "I don't know what this is. I've never felt this way before."

"I haven't either and it scares me." She said.

Steph looked so emotional. It could have something to do with the booze and weed but she seemed so genuine. She was searching my face almost desperately, like she was seeking affirmation. Something to calm her.

I kissed her. Short and sweet. "Don't be scared. We're in this together."

"I was so set on leaving Haven, Alex. Now I just want to be where you are.." She breathed.

I rubbed her shoulder.

I didn't want to keep her somewhere she didn't want to be, but…

"Well, we'll have plenty of time to see the world when we're famous and touring, right?"

This almost got a smile out of her.

"I'm serious about that." She said.

"I am too." I said. "We have all day tomorrow to get started on something."

I closed my eyes when she kissed me and allowed her to slide her fingers in between mine.

I was happy to let her lead this slow and deliberate dance. It felt a hundred times more intimate than every other kiss we shared.

She rubbed my neck and tilted her head opposite of mine.

Is this what love feels like? If this wasn't love, wouldn't real love be too powerful to handle for anyone?  

Even behind closed eyes, I could see the red aura. Without alerting Steph to my distraction, I opened my eyes and continued kissing her back.

I was consumed completely in her aura that stretched to the corner of my apartment, pulsing with energy like a frantic heartbeat.

Out of curiosity, I put my hand to her neck as well.

The pulsing actually did match her heartbeat.

Holy shit.

I couldn't keep up the charade. Never since I developed this ability had I ever seen someone feel so much . Is this what love looks like? Whatever Steph was feeling, she wasn't lying about it being intense.

I always thought anger was the most powerful emotion but it paled in comparison to this .

I froze in place, marveling at its intensity.

When Steph stopped kissing me and noticed my pause, her aura began to fade.

"Sorry. You.. just lit up the entire apartment." I breathed, awestruck.

"Really?" She asked. 

She loves me.

But I didn't wanna push the conversation tonight.

Was it too soon? I wasn't sure if I believed in the concept of following an unwritten book of rules to dictate how fast a 'good' relationship should develop.

And besides, I was pretty sure I was right behind her, plummeting out of the sky together as we fell towards uncertainty.

In fact, there was nowhere else I wanted to be.

I felt invincible with Steph by my side..

She was watching me apprehensively, almost like she was expecting me to scold her for feeling too much.

Deciding I didn't have words for her, I just unbuckled my pants and kicked them off the bed haphazardly. 

I took her hand and rolled over so that my back was facing her.

I pulled her as close as I could before she got the hint and scooted closer to spoon me.

We didn't speak for the rest of the night, though I didn't exactly go to sleep.

I could feel her breathing on my neck. Inhaling my scent. Petting my hair.  Her thoughts penetrated me, they were vast but they were all about me.

It varied from band names and love songs she wanted to create with me all the way to all the incredible sex we were going to have, traveling together, moving in together.

Our future.

She was convinced that I was the one. She saw no reason to even consider other women 

She was revisiting the idea of soul mates, a concept she'd never believed in.

She wondered what her parents would think of me…

And all the while I lay there still, my still baked brain absorbing the weight of her powerful feelings while watching the most beautiful light show being projected from behind me.

My entire apartment was swimming in the warmest hues of the color spectrum. Yellows, oranges and reds. The occasional purple and blue were thrown in, but those colors never seemed to linger.

She fucking loves me.

I liked the way Steph's drum kit looked in my apartment in the corner where Gabe had previously stored all of his snowboards.

I also liked the way she felt she didn't need to get dressed to start writing. She had a notebook laid across her snare drum with a laptop open on the tom. 

She was wearing a barely there tank top, a pair of my shorts and nothing else, except her beanie. It contrasted with her serious demeanor as she typed on the laptop, swapping lyrics out for a better flow.

While she was distracting, it also felt perfect somehow. As if this was a serious venture and I'd look back at this as day one. As the start of my new life that I'd want to remember forever 

I kinda wished someone was there to take candid photos of us while we worked like this.

I was toying with the guitar in search of a catchy riff. I sat near her on a chair dressed similarly with my legs dangling out of the open window, feeling the cool breeze against my bare flesh. 

Every time she heard something she liked, she had me write it down because I was better at actually reading and writing music.

"What do you think about like.. A midi controller?" She asked.

"I like synth sounds." I shrugged.

"Same. Maybe not all of our songs, but some for sure. I actually have one, I'll bring it over tomorrow."

I nodded, but never stopped playing. I repeated the riff a few times, watching Steph's face for her reaction.

She watched my hands studiously. "Maybe make that an F sharp instead, like-" She hummed her revision to me.

I played it back to her.

"Again." She said.

This time, she sang the last line she'd been working on with that motif.

"Wow. Maybe you should sing."  I said.

"No way." Steph grinned, as she erased to make another revision, "Secretly, the only reason I'm doing this is so I can hear your beautiful voice."

I rolled my eyes at that and decided not to acknowledge it. "You'll do backing vocals though, right?"

Steph looked thoughtful. "I guess, if you think I'll sound good harmonizing with you."

"I do." I said.

She smiled, letting her eyes trail down the length of my legs. "I really like writing with you."

"See something you like?" I squinted at her.

"Yes. Inspiration. Motivation. And eye candy."

"Oh good. I thought for a moment that you were getting distracted." I said, sarcastically.

"So, you said you had some stuff written. In your journal, right?" She asked.

"Yeah." 

"Well, I mean, you don't have to, but if you wanna share.. No pressure." 

"Sure." I said.

I leant my guitar against the windowsill before crossing the room to get my journal.

I started flipping through it as I sat down.

My depressing ass journal had recently taken a turn.

Some of the greatest artists were tortured souls. I thought wryly that maybe I missed my opportunity to be a brooding songwriter.

I was much too happy these days.

The yellow page stood out from the others.

I smiled and placed my palm flat against the notebook in order to cover the body of text underneath the title before showing it to her.

Steph / Joy

She squinted to read it. "Joy?"

"Yeah, actually my journal is mostly just me analyzing other people's feelings, and the effect they had on me. This is the first time I ever got to write about joy."

She didn't say anything, but I could feel her eyes were on me. 

"It was from that night at the dock. The day of the larp, remember?"

"I could never forget." She said. "You proposed to me in character."

I smirked. "And you rejected me."

"Big regrets." Steph said.

"Maybe Alto will become the first learned sorceress next time." I said.

"Impossible." Steph said, her nerdiness flaring up. "Alto is just a bard. If just anyone could just become a sorceress, well…"

I gave Steph a look that implied I would spend the rest of the day making fun of her.

"But.. Maybe if Alto brought back some sort of fake magic as a cute gesture, it would be charming enough to win me over and go against the rules..."

I nodded. "Fake magic? Huh, you mean like mind reading? Should I be taking notes?"

"No. You should be playing your song for me." She said, shaking her head.

I laughed as I picked up my guitar but froze before I started to play, my eyes glued to the journal.

I never thought I'd ever meet someone I was willing to bare my soul to like this.

I played the song for a few refrains to try and steady myself before I started singing.

♫"Just us two 

Underneath the moon.

Secrets unspoken.

Though we both knew. 

Through the glass I saw her face.

Absinthe eyes that changed my pace.

Though the future is unsure.

Hell on earth brought me to her."♫

I continued playing the tune for a few more bars until I trailed off, embarrassed

"That's all I have." I said.

Silence.

Though I tried, I couldn't look at her.

"God. You wrote a fucking song about me?"

Blood flooded my face. "Not a whole song, but a few segments, actually."

I flipped forward in the journal to show her a few more titles.

Steph / Lust

And most recently: 

Steph / Love

She closed her own notebook and stood up, crossing the room.

She sat on my bed and stared at me, becoming an actual light show again, rapidly flickering between reds and oranges.

Too fast to read.

I set the guitar down and slowly walked to stand in front of her.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She put her chin on her fists and looked up at me.

"Nobody's ever done anything like that for me before." She said.

"That actually surprises me." I said.

Steph bit her lip and grabbed her cell phone off of my nightstand. A few seconds later a beep indicated that she connected to my bluetooth stereo.

I watched her open Spotify and put some music on.

"We should take a break." She said.

"Already?" I asked, with a small laugh. I turned around to look at our setup. "Feels like we were just getting somewhere."

She nodded and took a deep breath. "I don't think I'll be able to focus on it anymore." 

"Okay.." I said.

Steph scooted back on the bed while keeping her eyes on me.

"Maybe you should join me." She said.

Oh.  OH.

"Yeah?" I asked.

She nodded, taking my hand as she laid back and pulling me on top of her. "I want you, Alex."

"Oh." I was able to say before she started kissing me.

She moved quickly to my neck and my entire fucking world stopped when I felt her tongue.

The motive behind her light show became clear to me when I could make sense of her shrieking thoughts.

To hear Steph's most urgent desires unfiltered, in her own voice and laid out for me without shame crippled me. 

The fact that my pleasure was her first priority made it even harder to breathe.

Every muscle in my body tensed. 

"I want you, too." I sighed.

"Are you sure? She asked.

I sat up and with every ounce of bravery I could muster, I slowly pulled my shirt over my head.

Steph blinked stupidly at me, completely stunned.

"You're so fucking beautiful." She shook her head

I could tell Steph was trying to look without looking. I found it strangely sweet.

"You can look." I smiled. "You can touch me. I'm all yours."

She pulled me down again, and I became distracted having her tongue in my mouth as she explored my body with her hands.

At that point I only had a few minutes of conscious thought before she kissed down my neck again and began traveling lower. My brain was quickly becoming mush.

She rolled us over so she was on top and that's when I lost control. Instinct took over all of my motor skills and my priority became removing her clothes.

I only succeeded in getting her shirt. It became evident pretty quickly that I was not in charge here.

Even better.

I was on fucking fire.

And as she kissed down my stomach, my mind went to another place.

Physically, I was enthusiastically rolling with every wave her body created, but I was very much deep inside my head writing an epic song.

My magnum opus.

The way that Steph was worshipping my body wasn't much different than making music. It wasn't sex. Not exactly. This was more than sex.

She was playing my body like a guitar. 

Like a professional.

And I was providing vocals. 

Involuntarily.

She hit all the right chords at the right time.

With a flourish here and there.

Style points.

As expected, her rhythm was impeccable.

Crazy thing was, she hadn't even reached her destination yet. Steph was incredibly thorough, but if I was already feeling this much pleasure before the main attraction, I knew I wouldn't last long.

I crooned for her and felt no shame.

Every appearance her lips made upon my body made me shed more and more inhibition. Every flick of her tongue was turning me into a different person, as if I had some crazy porn star alter ego that existed only for her.

Steph's alto ego was more surprising.

After all the time I spent with her, I would have never guessed that she was obsessed with being in control . 

She wanted me to submit .

I wonder if she realized that I was following her orders without her even speaking them aloud.

I'm banging a drummer.

I wanted to laugh at the ironic pun, but I felt my knees being pushed apart. She was waiting for me to look at her. Waiting for my permission.

The one order that I would always be in charge of.

In a filthy voice that I could barely recognize as my own, I begged her for it. 

I could actually see her body react, confusion leading her eyes to roll slightly from the pleasure I sent coursing through her extremities before smouldering at me once more.

I took the beanie off of her head and put it on myself.

All yours.

Crescendo.

Fuck you Jess.

My face. My ride .