Chapter Text
"You're absolutely preposterous, suggesting against all obvious proof that potions are superior to charms!"
Malfoy closed the door to his flat behind them and took her coat. "You've said so before. More than once."
"Obviously, I'll have to repeat things again and again in the hope of them finally falling on fertile ground."
He grinned as he took her hand and kissed her knuckles. "Maybe your words will blossom one day."
Heat suffused Hermione's neck. The whole evening had been filled with palpable tension. Anxious that what had transpired at the Aurors' headquarters had been all in her imagination, she'd been observing his every action like a hawk. Now her shoulders relaxed with relief since he seemed to reciprocate her attraction.
"At this point, I'd be more than happy with a mere sprout," she said faux-blithely.
"And fragile sprouts need careful attention, don't they?" He led her past two doors and opened the one to his sitting room.
His flat was pleasantly understated. Hermione had expected exquisite antiquities and priceless paintings, voluptuous Persian rugs and delicate chandeliers made from Bohemian lead crystal glass. They would resemble his scales nicely. Instead, a beige sofa and a heavy-set leather chair surrounded a low table which all were placed on a plush but otherwise unobtrusive rug. On the wooden table, a small bouquet of pink and white roses drew her gaze. Now Hermione could place the subtle floral scent suffusing the room.
"From my mother's garden," Draco said as he gestured at them.
"I wouldn't have pegged you as a person who decorated his home with flowers on his own." She smiled at him. "They're beautiful. There’s a season’s charm on her garden, I suppose?" Hermione made sure to emphasise ‘charm.’
"Yes.” He smothered a smile, but didn’t rise to the bait. “Flowers all year around. I'll let her know. The full blossoms are for aesthetics, the smaller roses are the ones which carry the best scent."
Hermione hummed noncommittally. Narcissa Malfoy didn't like her, but she usually painted such a thick layer of saccharine veneer over her disdain that Hermione couldn't be anything else but polite. While Draco had redeemed himself through the years, the rest of his family hadn't publicly renounced their former beliefs. True elitist hypocrisy, considering that there was unequivocal evidence of creature blood in the Malfoy family tree. He'd admitted during their dinner that most male children had had varying degrees of draconic features.
She shoved any thought about his family and especially of Draco's mother from her mind. If she were to make an educated guess, Draco would stamp out any remnants of his learned prejudices tonight. She would be happy to assist him in that.
A gigantic bookshelf filled one of the long walls. Seeing the mixture of worn leather covers and rolled-up scrolls, Hermione itched to peruse them on the spot. But there were other things to do first, so she'd try to make time for that later. Maybe tomorrow at breakfast? She glanced at Malfoy. Was he the type to feed his bed-partners on the morning after?
Right now, he observed her as she inspected the room further. Two big windows were flanked by curtains so diaphanous she was immediately reminded of his wings. A flick of Malfoy's wand, and they closed.
"What's outside of the windows?"
He stepped next to her. "A balcony and the back garden. There's a… charm on the fabric to keep curious eyes out."
"Hah!" Hermione exclaimed. "Did you listen to yourself? You said charm. Show me the potion which can keep voyeurs out." She lifted her chin and looked at him challengingly.
"Yes, yes, I'll admit it. You're right."
"That wasn't very convincing."
"Only because I was wondering if there will be anything you'd want to keep voyeurs from looking on." He tucked a curl behind her ear. The unexpected gentle gesture made her heart skip a beat.
Hermione cleared her throat and pressed herself flush to his front. "You tell me." She lied her forehead against his chest. His usual scent of cedar and lime wasn't present, leaving the stage to the crispy soap of his quick shower at the Aurors' headquarters and a hint of musky sweat. She wanted to burrow into him.
"You could always just seduce me."
"What happened to chivalry?" Hermione shifted just enough to notice the hardness in his trousers.
He slid his hand over her shoulder to her waist, squeezing her slightly. "I'm awfully bad at minnesongs."
"I'll waive the poems and singing." She trailed her fingers along the row of buttons of his shirt until she reached his waistband. Here she rested her hand.
His breath hitched. As she looked up, his cheeks were rosy. She slipped her fingertips between two buttons. Her skin met the flexible but pronounced resistance of scales.
Some parts of his dragon were still present when he was in human form.
Her eyes whipped up to his face. An excited tingle ran to her nipples, making them peak.
Malfoy withdrew at her surprise and folded his hand around hers to stop it. "I'm not… let's just sit down and have a drink. If you're still amenable."
His obvious misinterpretation of her reaction caused her to grab him by his lapels and pull him down before he could turn away. His tongue flitted across his lips as he watched her. She zeroed in on the movement and simply kissed him.
Nothing was really simple about kissing Draco Malfoy: the early years of mutual loathing, the time of war where they both were nothing but child soldiers and had had to do their best to keep their loved ones alive, and then the slow build-up of professional respect which had morphed into just a little more without her really noticing.
Like that, it was a push and pull between them, just as it occurred when they discussed their favourite topics. The atmosphere between them changed from careful to heated. With a groan, he parted his mouth to let his tongue mingle with hers. A lingering hint of chocolate from his dessert met her taste buds. Their noses bumped once or twice but Hermione was so caught up in his feel and taste that she didn't even grin.
Maybe he had only been waiting for a clearer signal from her? Was he worried she'd be repulsed? He couldn't be any more wrong. The prospect of feeling his scales on her skin did things to her she wouldn't admit aloud. She couldn't wait to see how far they went and rub herself all over them. Perhaps he'd transform for her one day and let her revel in it.
His other arm wrapped around her waist, as well, pressing her against him. His hard cock was the unmistakable sign that he wanted her as much as she did him. She increased her ardour until they both had to pause for air.
Unconsciously, her hand had found its way to the back of his head. His hair was in disarray, giving him a more debonair appearance than even when he'd freshly transformed back to human a couple of hours ago. Hermione vowed to dishevel him as much as she could.
She waited for him to open his eyes and slipped her fingertips between the buttons of his shirt again. The guarded expression reappeared on Draco's face. He searched hers, and when she smiled at the same time as she stroked over his scales, he exhaled heavily.
"I'm—"
"Half a dragon, I know." Hermione pulled his shirt out of his trousers and flicked the bottommost button open.
"—not fully human."
"I figured that out when I felt the scales." She looked down and opened the next button. His lower torso shimmered in the ambient lighting as he flexed his abdomen involuntarily. Her breath caught. "Beautiful."
He put his fingers under her chin and tipped her head up until he caught her eyes. "I'm not fully human, Hermione."
Finally, it clicked.
"Oh. Oooh." A lascivious grin settled on her face. "I'm looking forward to finding out what dragons look like under their tail."
Malfoy snorted, but his apprehension abated and made room for amusement. "Is that so?"
"Mh-hm." Too impatient for slow seduction, Hermione made short work of the remaining buttons and opened his shirt fully. She wanted to see all of him. Her own clothing became stifling, but she was too busy undressing him to spare any time on it.
"Who am I to impede scientific progress," he said and let her push the garment off his shoulders.
Pale skin covered him from his neck to just the middle of his chest. His nipples were small and rosy, and as Hermione dragged her fingers over both of them, they instantly pebbled. Further down, a gradual transformation from human to dragon took place. His skin was interspersed by small scales, and the more she moved her hands down, the bigger and denser they became. The Sectumsempra scar she had observed on his dragon started above his sternum and led in a ragged line to his navel. Where her touch reached his waistband, he was uniformly covered in silvery, glittering scales.
Hermione put both palms flat on him and exhaled deeply. She wanted nothing more than to feel those scales on her naked body, but she also wanted to drag it out until she couldn't keep herself from temptation any longer.
"What—" he croaked. He cleared his throat. "What does the researcher think?"
She looked at the tent in his trousers. To her great satisfaction, it jumped slightly when she scratched her nails over his belly. "Early examinations have revealed a promising start." She slid one hand over his erection. From the feel of it, she wouldn't have any room to complain, soon enough. "Very promising," she confirmed and opened his waistband.
The rest of his clothes were discarded in a flurry until he stood only in his dark blue boxer shorts in front of her. Without the more sturdy fabric of his trousers keeping his cock closer to his body, the shorts distended obscenely. A dark spot on the upper front indicated his arousal. He’d said he wasn't fully human. What did his cock look like?
He aimed for casualness but didn't manage it when he said, "Shouldn't a serious researcher document her findings?"
"Sorry, got my hands full at the moment," she answered with a grin as she gripped his cock.
A guttural moan broke free of him. "Breaking the rules of proper research, I see."
Hermione stroked him through the thin fabric. "We can make our own rules. We don't have to listen to others when it comes to us." And from how his cock felt beneath his boxers, normal rules would need some adaptation. Wetness gathered between her thighs as she imagined the certain fullness she would experience.
"That's the best thing I've heard in a really long time, Hermione."
She pushed him until he fell onto his sofa, toed off her shoes, and crawled onto his lap. First, she licked one of his nipples, next she sucked on the other. Slowly she trailed her fingers and lips over his body, from the human part to the dragon.
His hand stroked her head, then it moved to her breast and found her nipple. A sharp, lustful inhale escaped her when he began to play with it.
Carefully, she mapped every inch of his upper body. His scales were something completely foreign under her tongue. Sleek and warm, but rigid. Where she left them glossy from her saliva, they gleamed like polished gems. Hermione hoped she'd see them fracturing the morning sun like his dragon had so beautifully. Or maybe they’d just sleep in since it was Friday tonight, and start the day with more of the vigorous fucking she hoped to experience soon.
"You're by far the most enthusiastic woman I've met," Draco panted as Hermione licked along the line between his scales and skin again. The contrast between them was something she wouldn't tire of for a long time.
She nipped him hard on the scales, making him groan. "Have a lot of opportunities to compare?"
"No."
Making herself comfortable, she shuffled down a little more. She traced his upper chest with her fingertips to where the first scales showed, and then further until she had passed his boxer shorts. Around the middle of his upper thighs, the scales turned back to skin, leaving his knees and lower thighs as fully human as his arms and shoulders were. "Not that it's any of my business. As long as you're clean… For the record, I'm both clean and on the potion."
"Human diseases don't affect dragon-human hybrids."
"And dragon pox?"
He looked down at her. Little beads of sweat were on his upper lip, a healthy shade of pink on his cheeks. "Do you have dragon pox?!"
"Of course not." She crawled up, and pulled on the waistband of his boxers with her teeth. She let it snap back onto him, eliciting a muffled grunt from him.
Finally, Hermione couldn't wait any longer. She got up and pulled his boxers down. His cock snapped up, the crown glistening from smeared precome. She nudged one of his legs off the sofa.
Still in all of her clothes, she dropped to her knees between his spread legs. The rug softened the fall but she still winced a bit. The sight of him compensated for a little inconvenience. She worked her tongue against the sudden dryness in her mouth. His cock was most certainly not human.
Like the rest of his midsection, his length was covered in scales. They were thumbnail sized and a dark silver at the root, then became smaller and lighter in hue up to the crown. His glans, the only part which was without scales, was flared and of a pinkish silver. A fat drop of precome was forming on the tip as she inspected him. As if it had been waiting for her perusal, it ran over the rim. Immediately, she thumbed over the soft head to catch and spread the stickiness. He moaned.
But what was much more intriguing was the form of his shaft and the structures on it. Straight ridges made of small bumps ran along it lengthwise, promising perfect stimulation. The shaft bulged at the upper third, significantly increasing the circumference. Hermione flicked her tongue over her lips. She imagined her cunt stretching around this flare, his ridges dragging over her g-spot and every sensitive part that she had in her canal. More slickness pooled between her legs as she imagined the alien drag inside of her. It would be glorious.
Another drop of precome ran down. Hermione's tongue flitted out to lick it up. This part of him was surprisingly human. Salty and slightly bitter, he tasted like any regular man. She wasn't sure what she'd expected, but she didn't mind either. She ran the tip of her tongue around his glans, stopping at the hole to play with it.
His fingers buried themselves into her hair. "Fuck, if you keep that up..."
"Do the scales take away from your sensitivity?"
"Compared to others? I wouldn't know. The ridges and the head... they're really sensitive."
Hermione hummed. That was good to know. She closed her mouth around him and slid down. She didn't get far, though. The pronounced flare that started shortly after the rim of his glans presented a hurdle she couldn't overcome. She lapped him as well as she could and removed her mouth soon to move to his bollocks instead. The rest of his cock didn't suffer from attention, though. She slid her hand up and down, relishing the feel of his ridges on her palm. Around the root, her fingertips met just so, but there wasn't any chance that she could get them around the upper third of his cock.
His sack was covered in small scales, too. She mouthed him, small kisses from one side to the other. By now, she was so hot that she felt sweat on her forehead. She fanned herself with her shirt to cool off while she drew each of his bollocks between her lips.
A guttural noise came from Draco. Tongue flat, she licked a broad stripe from the root to the tip. She couldn't help but chuckle at the feeling.
"It tickles," she said.
His brows drew together. "Unpleasant?"
"No, just unfamiliar. And a little funny."
He grunted and tugged at her shirt. "How am I naked and you're still all prim and proper?" He took her face in. Judging by how sweaty she felt, her hair must have been frizzled but right now, she didn't care. Draco reached out and removed a bit of precome and saliva from her lower lip to show her. "Maybe not so proper at all."
"Proper is overrated," she quipped. "Don't pretend you don't enjoy seeing me like that." She put the tip of her tongue on her upper lip and gave him an exaggerated wink.
He laughed a little, manoeuvring her up until she lay on him and kissed her hungrily. "I'd enjoy it more with you nude. I feel I'm at a disadvantage."
"Bet you wouldn't mind if I were wearing a skirt you could just flip up."
"Hold that thought for another time."
"Bet you wouldn't mind filling me with your seed and knowing it'll drip out of me, running down my thighs because I’ve forgotten to wear any knickers."
"Fuck," he whispered. There was a decidedly entranced look on his face.
"Another time," she said and pecked his lips. When she moved away he chased her with a deeper kiss, mumbling something she didn't quite understand. His hands roved all over her body. He tugged more insistently on her clothes, and she got the message loud and clear. In truth, she wanted to accelerate the proceedings, too.
Hermione got up to remove her trousers and socks before she pulled her shirt over her head. His expression became more reverent the less she wore. It had been the right decision to wear red lace. She suspected that, on a very deep and hidden level, she had wanted to feel sexy for the dragon. The acknowledgement brought colour to her cheeks. She couldn't get the image of her naked body snuggling against Draco-as-dragon out of her head.
"Come here," he said hoarsely, swinging the second leg off the sofa so that he sat on it instead of half-reclining. With a pull, he had her between his spread limbs. He ran his palms all over her body, making her luxuriate in the exquisite attention he gave her. From her shoulders to her chest, where he weighed her fabric-covered breasts, over her soft belly, and to her wide hips, he worshipped her. It had been a while since somebody had given her the feeling of being so desired.
She flicked the closure of her bra open and let it slide down her arms. At once, his gaze was fixated on her breasts, and it took only a second until he licked and kissed her nipples. Now it was Hermione's turn to moan. Draco sucked on one and tweaked the other until she ached from need. She felt how her slickness soaked into her knickers.
His other hand slipped into her underwear. He groaned as his fingers found her clit. "So wet. I didn't think it was possible."
Hermione's cunt clenched at the sensations assaulting her. He slid his fingers inside. First two, then three.
"What made you so wet?"
"You," she panted.
"Fuck," he muttered against her chest. He scissored his fingers. "Do you think you can take me?"
"Yes." She nodded eagerly. "But we might have to go slow."
He kissed her and pushed four fingers in. He worked her deliberately, drawing loud groans from her throat. Hermione shoved her knickers down and propped her foot up on his thigh to give him more room. The sound of his fingers working within her was so noisy that it drowned out their heavy breathing.
She didn't think she had ever been so horny. The way he pulled on her nipples with his teeth, the occasional stroke with his thumb over her clit while he fingerfucked her hit all the right buttons.
"Hermione," he said. "You're so… I can't... I promise to go down on you later, but… I really…"
His desperate stammering was endearing, but she was in no position to judge. She felt the same, a hundred times over. The need to be filled by him until she couldn't take any more was overwhelming. The thought of feeling his non-human cock fuck her until she didn't know up from down was well on its way to taking over all of the brain capacity she had.
She reached down and stilled his hand between her thighs. She made sure to look deeply into his eyes. Then she contracted her inner walls around his fingers. He almost whined.
Draco's pupils were blown wide as he extracted his soaked digits. Within the blink of an eye, he had one after the other between his lips and cleaned them. She shuddered with pleasure. Now she was sure that his promise to eat her out wasn't just a convenient fib. If it were up to her, he could eat her out all weekend long, as long as he would occasionally fuck her silly with his cock, too.
In the meantime, Draco had leaked so much precome that his lower abdomen was glistening with it. She had never seen that much with a human, so maybe that was another trait of the dragon. It was only logical that there were several things which were different.
Hermione reached down to stroke him once and hold him upright. The other hand gripped his shoulder, so she'd be steady.
Slowly, she lowered herself onto him. When his tip slipped in, he groaned and let his forehead fall against her chest. His breath was quick. They both were slippery enough, but when Hermione began to pass the bulbous part of his cock, the stretch was delicious. It walked the fine line between discomfort and pain she knew would be gone as soon as she got used to it. She'd just never been so taut before.
"Please… Hermione," he panted. His hands gripped her hips but he made no further move to force her down on him.
"Give me a—" Hermione gasped as she took more of him into her cunt and slapped the palm of her free hand on his shoulder as the feel sizzled directly to her clit. He watched her attentively. Sweat ran down his temples, making her stroke his damp hair from his forehead when she recovered for a few seconds. She was sure she must have passed the thickest part but while the stretch stopped toeing the line up to painful, it didn't seem to lessen. Then she mastered that part and slid down in one go.
When her cunt met the root of his cock, she cried out in bliss. She'd never been so full her whole life. None of her previous partners had come close to his size, and while she had some toys at home that went above average, Draco still topped them all.
Slowly, still getting used to the sensation, she began to move. He helped her with his hands grabbing onto her hips, firm enough to leave prints. Soon the fingers of one trailed to her breasts, tweaking and tugging on her nipples until she arched her back to press them into his hand. It was the perfect accompanying stimulation to his enthralling cock.
Hermione looked down. His thick length slid in and out with lewd squelches. Every time the bulbous flare passed her opening, her skin stretched around it obscenely. She set a purposeful rhythm to let the bulge pop in and out again and again. Seeing herself taking him like that sent a rush of fresh arousal down her spine.
Without any further ado, he flipped them, so that she was on her back. Propped up on both hands to each side of her head, he went deeper that way. Salacious noises broke free from her chest.
It wasn't quite enough yet. "Harder," she demanded. "And faster."
He grunted and as her gaze fell onto his torso, she noticed that his scales were expanding and covering more of him.
Fuck yes, she thought. Seeing him becoming more dragon was an aphrodisiac of unknown proportions. The scales were interspersed by larger patches of skin, but they now crept up the rest of his chest and his neck. His mouth stood open a little, just enough to see that his canines had elongated. And his pupils weren't perfectly round anymore either.
His pace sped up. Every time the ridges of the bulge slid over her g-spot she moaned.
She should be worried about enjoying getting fucked by him half in creature form. Most people would probably be disgusted, but she only became hotter. Who would have thought Gryffindor's poster girl such a deviant? Maybe she'd keep Draco and his dragon. She fancied both.
His hand snaked between her thighs again, and drew small circles on her clit. She felt her cunt tightening as she was getting closer to orgasm.
She reached up to trace her fingertips over the newly-formed scales, then she surged up to lick them. As she looked into his eyes again, his pupils were slitted and something wild shone within them. He groaned when her inner muscles clenched, moving one hand to her mouth and hooking his thumb into it. Promptly, she suckled on the proferred digit.
In the periphery of her field of vision, she saw a part of his other arm on one side of her.
If one hand was playing with her mouth, and the other one was propped up next to her head, what was touching her clit?
She blinked, then a surge of excitement rushed through her like a wildfire. Was it his…?
Hermione wrapped her legs around him where they encountered a protrusion coming out of his lower back. Her heart sped up. She chanced a glance down to where they were joined.
The tip of his dragon tail flicked over her clit. Back and forth it went, circling, and occasionally slipping down to where her skin was impossibly stretched.
It was a sight so arousing that it sent her over the edge. She came with a hoarse cry. Her cunt spasmed uncontrollably with hard, pulsing grips on his cock which only slowly abated.
"Yes, come all over my cock," Draco pressed out. "Fuck." For a moment, he stuttered above her, then his tail increased the pressure on her clit to draw her climax out. The world spun, a nonsensical array of impressions prattling down on her. As the sensation became uncomfortable, she nudged the tail away and panted her elation out.
He'd used his dragon tail on her. Yes, she was a proper deviant to come to the view of him using it on her clit. Words of praise lay on her tongue, ready to be issued, but he spoke first.
"You're the most beautiful woman when you come," Draco murmured into her ear. He breathed heavily against her damp neck, but instead of chasing his own climax, his thrusting had slowed down. "The way you just milked my cock..."
The combination of heat and adoration in his eyes made her want to repeat all of it all over again. He bent down and licked her sweaty skin, suckling on it hard enough to leave a prominent mark. A line of kisses and nips followed until he reached her nipples. His sucking was harsher there, and despite her recent orgasm, she felt her cunt slicking up again.
A smug grin on his face, which put his sharp canines on display, he said, "You can take a little more, can't you?"
"What do you—Ah!" Her cunt stretched further. She hadn't thought she would be able to take much more, but she'd been wrong. "Are you growing?" she panted incredulously.
He pulled back and pushed in slowly, all the while he became thicker and thicker. As the bulbous upper third of his cock began to pass her this time, Hermione winced at the sharp sting which overpowered the pleasures she experienced from the ridges on it.
She patted his chest and shook her head urgently. "Wait."
Draco stilled immediately. "Too much?" he asked and cupped her cheek with one hand. His thumb grazed her cheek.
"I can't possibly take a dragon," she protested. "I don't feel like ripping my perineum tonight."
"Sorry," he said sheepishly, "I didn't mean to hurt you." His ears became red when he added, "I didn't expect you to be so accepting of—" he looked down between them where his tail was draped over her upper thigh "—my dragon, and I got carried away."
"Can you shrink again, too?" Hermione pressed a soft kiss on his mouth.
"Somewhat." He gesticulated vaguely between them. "I have to withdraw… and calm down a little."
"Alright." Her cunt burned when he slowly pulled back until he popped out of her, but she found the sudden emptiness more disconcerting. She shook her head at herself mentally. One orgasm, and she was enamoured.
His cock hung between them, heavy and coated in her thick arousal. A long string of it connected them until it snapped. Their combined wetness tinted it darker than the rest of his scales. His tail wrapped around her leg more snugly. It was warm and covered in his iridescent scales, but it must have been only half-transformed because the sharp spikes he'd had when he'd been a full dragon were missing.
Before Draco moved back, he kissed her thoroughly. Hermione circled her arms around his neck, relishing his affection and closeness. Only reluctantly, she let him go to give him a chance to cool off his ardour.
She propped herself up on one elbow and scrutinised his form. On his knees between her opened legs, he looked like the personification of everything sinful she could ever come up with. His hands slid lazily up and down her lower legs which lay left and right of him.
Most appealing to her was that Draco could shift into an intermediate form between creature and human. Now that they paused, her mind was willing to consider something other than sex again. Temporarily, at least.
So, how did he do that? Usually, it was either human or creature for magical beings, but not something in between. But he showed dragon features when he was otherwise fully human. In retrospect, she realised that he had always concealed the respective body parts. She'd never seen him without a shirt, not even when most of his peers had ripped their Quidditch gear off after a rowdy game at Hogwarts in mid-summer.
Could he lock in any state between human and dragon? His altered skin and eyes were only one feature of his heritage. Her eyes dropped lower, and her tongue flitted out to wet her lips. His cock and his tail were the most prominent dragon aspects he displayed right now. She looked up at his face. His smile was a bit abashed and he took slow and deep breaths. To centre himself, she assumed.
"I didn't think it was possible to partially transform," she said.
"Mh-hm. Toward the dragon is easy. Back to human requires more concentration. And you're—" he leaned down to gently pull her lower lip between his sharp teeth "—very appealing to both."
Butterflies swarmed through her stomach at his confession. She smiled to herself. As if of its own volition, her hand wandered to where his tail circled her leg and stroked it.
"What if you lose control over it? You'll just sprout your wings and a penis the size of a thigh…?"
His gaze fell to her hand and when he looked back at her, he reached down to cover her hand with his. He grazed his thumb over her knuckles. His eyes were bright. "For some reason, I can't do small wings." He grinned at her boyishly. "If you want wing sex, we'll need much more room." He let her hand go and trailed his fingers to her breast where they found her nipple. "But I'm up for it if you are. As for the transformation per se, it's an active process. I have to concentrate on it. When I don't it'll stop. No uncontrolled dragon cock." He straightened his back and gestured at the middle part of his body. "Those are always there."
Hermione followed him and kissed his scales tenderly. "I like how…" She stopped and felt her cheeks warm up. She wasn't sure if she should admit out loud that the feeling of his non-human skin on her turned her on beyond reason. Suppressing the urge to cover her hot face with her hands, she looked away and swallowed.
Not to mention his dragon cock. Just seeing it bobbing in front of her—hard, huge, and leaking precome—made her the wettest she'd ever been.
"Hermione," he said, "I like that you are the most enthusiastic woman I've ever met." He took a deep breath. "I wouldn't want it any other way."
Hermione stared at him. A couple of silent seconds followed when her brain sorted through his words. His face began to pale. Then she surged up and kissed him fervently. His cock poked into her belly, his tail cut into her thigh, her back was bowed weirdly, and she didn't care. She held his head between her hands, gasping for breath in-between urgent kisses.
"That's good." The moment Hermione said it, she cringed at her lack of eloquence. "Me neither." That hadn’t made it any better. Maybe she could pass it off as a sign of his fucking her brains out.
Draco stifled a laugh, but it appeared more relieved than anything else. She fell on her back again, an irrepressible smile on her lips.
His cock didn't seem to have shrunk in any way, though. "How long…?" she said and tipped her chin at his lower body. Hermione propped her legs up on her feet and let them fall open more widely. The action opened her cunt to his heated gaze, and as if on cue, he traced a fingertip through the slickness of her slit. The tip of his tail parted her labia to one side, exposing her more fully to him. As he rubbed over her clit, she moaned.
"Naughty witch," he said. "You don't make it easy to concentrate on anything else but you."
With a smirk, Hermione closed her legs immediately, trapping his fingers and his tail. They wriggled against her, but she didn't let them distract her this time. "You're not supposed to concentrate on anything else but your partner during sex. I'm willing to make an exception, considering that I want you inside of me."
Draco bent down to kiss the tops of her knees and spread them again. His finger slipped inside and his tail moved to her clit once more. Her cunt clenched involuntarily. He was a tease.
"Believe me, you're all that's on my mind at the moment." He angled his head to caress the insides of her knees with his mouth. "It'll take a bit to rein in the dragon. You're just too enticing."
Hermione snorted but his words continued to make her stomach swoop. "Flatterer. Maybe it would be easier for you to focus on turning back human if the worst of the edge were taken off?"
"Probably."
"Let's move to the bedroom and get comfortable there."
"Yes." Draco removed his limbs from her, stood up, and bent down to scoop her into his arms. Hermione squeaked unsexily, but he only raised an amused eyebrow. He didn't break a sweat as he carried her to his bed. He was still lean and wiry, but underneath that, the power of a dragon was hidden. She could only keep the bed in the corner of her eye, her attention too taken with the look and feel of his muscles to take note of anything else around them until he dropped her on it.
The bed stood in the middle of the room. Light cotton linens and fluffy blankets were strewn across the thick mattress. Right away, she was reminded of Draco's substitute nest in the hall. One more thing that carried over between his human and his dragon.
A seductive smile on her lips, Hermione scooted into the middle and patted the mattress next to her. "Come here." He looked more than keen as he followed.
As soon as Draco lay next to her, she turned on her side and took his cock in her hand. His positioning was lopsided due to the tail coming from just above his bum, but there was no hesitation as the appendage wrapped itself around her wrist and writhed up her arm. It was as fascinating as his scaled midsection, and Hermione had to force herself back to the matter at hand—in hand—lest she be distracted by the iridescent play of the light upon his scales again.
Draco closed his eyes with a rumbling groan. She ran a finger from the tip down to his bollocks, followed by one strong stroke. His sounds became louder already.
After his enhanced transformation, she had no chance at all for her fingers to meet anywhere around his erection. Especially circling the bulbous upper third, where the bumps were most pronounced, she lacked far more than an inch in finger length. Her mind reeled at the awareness that this girth had been inside of her. It had stung when he'd pulled out, but not when he had been hilted up to his bollocks. She gave him a speculative look. With a little practise, she was confident she would be able to take him like that one day.
Hermione sped up her strokes, but he covered her hand with his and slowed her down.
"Like that," he said and increased the pressure.
The slickness of his precome and her arousal made the slide of Hermione's palm over his scales easy. She remembered that his ridges and glans were the most sensitive, so she twisted her hand whenever she reached them. His eyes were glued to what she was doing, occasionally flicking to her breasts and her face. Fresh sweat beaded on his forehead. The tip of his tail extended and wrapped itself around her breast until it had her nipple in its grasp. She was becoming sore but the view of it was so mesmerising that her strokes of him ceased for a moment.
"Don't stop, Hermione. It feels good."
Hermione moaned when his tail pinched her nipple, but she dragged her hand over his glans, deliberately squeezing it. Her other hand cupped his bollocks and kneaded them. His chest vibrated from the forming growl inside. Draco turned more fully onto his side, eyes flitting between his tail on her breast and her hand on his cock. Red blotches bloomed on his face and neck. She wondered how somebody who was half an ice dragon had any right to be so hot.
"Fuck. Soon."
The more she worked him, the slicker he became until her hand moved almost too smoothly. Only when she passed his ridges did she encounter some sort of friction. She made sure to intensify the pressure.
That seemed to do the trick. Draco bit his lower lip and his back arched after another handful of hard strokes. His cock swelled in her hand, and then he climaxed with a series of violent jerks. Seed spurted out in long streaks, hitting the other side of the bed before she tipped him down, so his release got strewn across her stomach.
Hermione gave his cock another nudge, and the next spurts landed on her tits, painting them in pearly white. His tail convulsed, tweaking and rolling her nipple without much sense or direction. She didn't mind. This was another major turn-on.
His mouth hung open, rapture written all over his features. He reached down, and Hermione couldn't do much but quickly close her eyes before his semen hit her face. She felt it splashing over her mouth and her nose, her cheeks and the lids of her eyes, with quite a bit landing in her hair. He made a mess out of her, anything but the prim and proper he’d complained about earlier.
Eyes pressed closed, she caressed him with a determined grasp, but more slowly. He'd mentioned milking; she could do that in more ways than one.
Draco let out a growl so lustful and dragon-like that it went straight to her core. He shot more come onto her, but now it streaked her breasts again. As his breathing became calmer and the feeling of getting hit by his seed lessened, Hermione wiped her eyes carefully. She squinted through one. When nothing happened, she chanced to open the other and look down at herself. Heavy drops of his essence were running down and falling from all over her.
A proud and sated expression was on his face as he tracked the sight of her. She licked her come-stained lips, making him zero on them. Still salty like a human. For his sake, she swept her tongue as far as she could reach and showed him the result before she let it vanish in her mouth.
"Fuck," he muttered. "You're playing dirty."
"You dirtied me up. Don't pretend you don't like it," she quipped.
He grunted in response but didn't make any effort to deny it. Draco's tail loosened around her breast, then it withdrew completely. Next to her, he relaxed onto the bed and nuzzled his face in her neck. He didn't seem to mind that he got his own spend all over him. "Scared off yet?" he murmured.
"On the contrary," it slipped out of her before she could think twice. But at this point any pretense of propriety was futile. Draco was a smart man; he would have figured out by now that his monster cock got her all hot and bothered.
He nibbled on her neck, then pressed a soft kiss on her shoulder. "I'm glad."
For a while, Hermione enjoyed the lazy aftermath, the soft touches on each other after he had spelled them both clean. She still wanted another round of his cock deep inside of her, and then feel him pump his seed into her. She shuddered in pleasurable anticipation, sensing another sizzle of arousal. Everything about him stimulated her, but how could she physically still react to him like that? She literally kept feeling herself growing slicker.
Hermione turned her head to him. Teeth pressed into her lower lip, she asked from beneath her lashes, "How long?"
"About now." Draco closed a hand around one of her breasts and kneaded it reverently. He painted a circle around the outline of her areola with his fingertip and squeezed her bud between his thumb and index finger. Hermione hissed in response. By the persistent awareness of her nipples, they probably had been at attention all this time. Their achy soreness added to her arousal.
Draco's other hand was on his cock, stroking it. He was hard and ready. She inspected him carefully. He did look a little smaller, but he hadn't diminished the other dragon features that made her so horny. Perfect.
Hermione pulled on his arm until he was on top between her spread legs. He propped himself up on his hands as he'd done earlier, and let his eyes roam over her body. The tip of his cock traced her slit, mixing their arousals. Not that she needed his, as wet as she was.
She slid down her fingers and opened her labia to one side. Draco groaned. His tail snaked between them, pulling on the other side of her labia until her cunt was entirely exposed to him again. He looked torn between teasing them both and thrusting into her until his bollocks slapped her arse. Hermione just wanted to get fucked.
Angling his lower body, he positioned the tip of his cock at her opening. He stared down, entranced by the view. Then he slid the broad tip inside of her. Hermione took a sharp breath, waiting for the uncomfortable stretch but it was easier this time. She wasn't sure if he'd shrunk more or if her body remembered his size. She liked to think it was the latter.
"Tell me when it hurts." He kissed her sweetly. "I can't get smaller than I am as a human and you seemed to be fine with it earlier." That confirmed her latter reasoning. "I don't want to hurt you. We'll figure something out that's good for both of us. I want to make you come on my cock again."
Hermione mirrored his kiss. "I'll be fine. Don't worry." She leaned up and whispered in his ear, "Now, inside of me."
"Merlin. You…" He sucked his lower lip between his teeth and bit down. Slowly, the wide flare of his cock stretched her out until he passed her opening. He popped inside with a sinful moan from both of them. After he was slotted completely into her, he undulated his hips and began a steady rhythm.
Whenever the thick upper third of his cock passed her g-spot, the stimulation made her thoughts whirl. One of his hands slicked the wet strands of her hair off her temples. Lust was written in his dragon eyes and he rolled them a bit when she occasionally contracted her inner muscles.
Draco dipped his head to draw her nipple between his teeth. He laved and sucked on it until she arched her back. Her hand came up to twist the other one, but he batted her away and took over.
"Harder," she panted. "Fuck me harder."
He complied without further ado. His thrusts became more powerful, fucking into her so hard that her body moved up with every smack of his bollocks against her arse. The abundant slickness that dripped out of her made for lewd, loud noises. Their moans were louder still. For a split second she wondered about his neighbours but each time his protrusions scraped over her g-spot, everything else evaporated into wanton need.
Meanwhile, his mouth, hand, and tail weren't lazy either. He pulled her nipple between his teeth and bit down lightly. His fingers tugged and tweaked her other nipple. His tail slid from her labia to her clit. There it flicked and pressed onto it until she couldn't process anything else but the delightful sensations assaulting her. Her cunt began to contract.
She had been wrong earlier; this was the horniest she'd ever been.
"Yes, darling," he gasped. "That's it. You're so tight and wet."
He fucked into her quicker. Her fingers snaked between them until she met the tip of his tail. Both rubbed her clit. It wouldn't take her long now.
"What do you need?" he asked. His expression was unrestrained in its passion, a drop of sweat hanging from the tip of his nose. He went back to her nipples, applying even more force to them. She loved it. It was exactly what she needed.
"I'm… fuck." The altering pressure on her g-spot, the stretching of her cunt, and the pleasure-pain inflicted on her nipples carried her close to the precipice. Her eyes closed. Once, twice, she flicked her fingertip over her clit, nudging his tail to the side, then her upper body reared up in exaltation. Her legs jerked uncontrollably. Despite the enormous stretch of her cunt around him, she felt herself clenching harshly. All that registered only at the edges of her consciousness, so caught in the haze of titillation she was.
Draco eased his thrusts and kissed her nipples gently. Slowly, she climbed down from the elation. It must have been the strongest orgasm she'd ever experienced.
"Fuck," was all she could mutter. She opened her eyes. Draco had a self-satisfied grin on his face.
"Like I said: the most beautiful woman when you milk my cock."
Hermione batted at him weakly, but she was inwardly pleased. After such a climax, she wasn't sure she could be the type of attentive lover she liked to think herself. She was wrung out.
Maybe he had the same idea, because he leaned up and patted her thigh. "On your hands and knees."
"Like a dragon would take me?" she teased him. With her words, the image of his majestic form appeared in her mind. Powerful body, expanded wings, long neck topped by a triangular head with a maw full of razor-sharp teeth.
He positioned her in front of him. In the middle of the bed, she looked over her shoulder and wiggled her bum. He nudged her feet apart and shuffled between her legs. His cock was hot and heavy on the crack of her arse when he bent over and whispered into her ear, "I've got the faint notion that is exactly your thing." His tail wrapped around her thigh, squeezing her.
Her heart stopped for a beat, then pounded in anticipation. He wasn't wrong. She was teasing herself more than him. How was it possible that her clit positively throbbed after all the sex she had already had? Wasn't her body ready to sleep? Despite her tiredness, her body reacted to him like it had all night long. With yet more wetness. "Fuck me, Draco. Like the dragon you are."
He growled and pressed into her again. His thrusts were frantic, the considerate rhythm from earlier forgotten. A look to his face showed her the uncontrolled lust in his eyes. He rutted into her, his fingers holding a tight grip on her wide hips.
"I'm going to ruin you for everyone else, Hermione."
He already had, but he didn't have to know that. There was no way she wanted to go back to humans. She moaned. "Then you'll have to keep me," she replied with a sly tone to her voice. "Make me remember what I'd miss out on again and again."
He pushed a pillow towards her, then he pressed down between her shoulders so that her arse stuck in the air. The side of her face was smashed against the mattress until she scrabbled for the pillow to soften it.
With a groan from the depth of his lungs, he smacked her bum. Hermione shrieked in surprise, then the flood of sensation heated her core. "Don't think I wouldn't," he panted.
"Don't think I wouldn't want you to," Hermione choked out and squeezed her cunt.
His fucking became even more irregular. He slammed into her three times more, then he pressed himself into her as deeply as he could. She felt the tip of his cock touching her cervix just so. She clenched down on him once again.
Draco let out a loud growl so dragon-like that she felt an intoxicating rush of satisfaction. She imagined him coating every inch of her canal in white. Judging from how much he'd deposited all over her after her handjob, he'd have no problem pumping her full until she overflowed.
The sense of pressure at the beginning of her channel increased. Hermione blinked. Was he growing again? He'd said he couldn't transform without focusing on it! How could he concentrate on anything while he climaxed? His hips were undulating, pushing his cock into her g-spot until her eyes crossed. It felt incredible, but she remembered the sting from earlier.
As she tried to move away from him, she couldn't. It was like they were glued together. Huh.
"Draco?" she inquired.
He breathed heavily behind her, still shuddering. It was uncomfortable to turn her head and look at him closely, but the view was worth it. His head was thrown back, lips slightly parted. Sweat gleamed on his face and chest, making his scales glitter. He reopened his eyes and looked at her hazily. His hips swiveled and still rutted into her. Was he still coming? Was he still shooting his semen into her? The image was more erotic than she'd thought.
There was absolute bliss on his mien, but when he made to pull back, he grimaced slightly. His appendage was relaxing around her leg and finally pulled away.
"You were growing again—" Her words were cut off by the moan that escaped her when he moved infinitesimally. She set her forehead on the pillow, breathing heavily.
His hands traced her spine, sending shivers down her back. He kissed both her shoulder blades. Whenever he moved, there was this immense pressure in her cunt. She felt she was split open beyond reason, but it wasn't painful. On the contrary.
His voice was contrite when he admitted, "I... ehm… I might have I knotted you."
Hermione's mind stuttered. What? She blinked, trying desperately to make sense of his words. "Oh my…" Her hips rolled of their own volition. This indescribable pleasure and the knowledge of him locked to her muddled her mind.
Draco fell onto her with a groan. His weight was more than welcome, but he heaved himself off after only a few seconds. Wrapping his arms around her middle, he lifted her upright and settled her on his lap. The knot inside of her shifted.
"Oh my God, you…" she started, but finished only in an unintelligible gurgle.
He stilled, giving them both a reprieve. Bit by bit, Hermione's mind seemed to regain its normal function. She noticed details again. His breathing was still not back to regular, but it resonated evenly against her back. His fingers were intertwined with hers in a snug hug, making for a tender connection between them. The one between their legs was a contrast to it, the arousal-inducing image it provided so hot that she wanted to come all over him again. Although that might have been because all she could think about was being filled to the brim.
Hermione was a bit flabbergasted at the revelations about herself the night kept springing upon her. Turns out she was even more of a deviant than she had realised an hour ago. What a blessing that Draco seemed to naturally satisfy those needs.
At that moment, Hermione realised that her subconscious must have been working to this end for some time. The hours of discussions to make way for an intellectual connection, the occasional evening at a pub with their friends to set common ground socially and emotionally, and now the sex that ruined her for literally anyone else.
She was a witch with a set of uncommon preferences which were all perfectly fulfilled by Draco Malfoy, of all people, a wizard with an uncommon but very welcome heritage. Thankfully, he seemed to be very willing to share it with her. Yes, she'd keep the man and the dragon.
For a while, all she registered was their breathing. He didn't say anything but she could practically hear the cogs in his head clanking.
Then he undulated his lower body a little. Hermione's back arched immediately at the heavy assault on her inner nerves. He kissed a line from one shoulder to the other. His hand moved and searched for a nipple, playing with it delicately.
"Good?" he asked her softly. "Let me make this good for you."
In an instant, the more rational thoughts from just before were replaced by the undeniable need to come. It was like he had switched a button on her. "Oh my God," she repeated. "I'm so full." She swivelled her hips mindlessly, chasing the overwhelming stimulation it caused in her cunt.
He pinched her nipple, making her cry out. "Tell me, is this good for you?" He grabbed her hips and stopped her movements. She felt his tail making its way to the apex of her thighs, and as if she had been conditioned for it over months already, she squeezed her cunt at the prospect of having it on her clit again.
"Yes," she choked out. "Yes!"
She didn't manage to tell him how incredible it felt and how cross she would be if he stopped, since her stream of thoughts was interrupted by his next undulation. Draco moved slowly and single-mindedly, so different from the unrestrained, hard fucking when he had taken her on her hands and knees.
"Speechless, finally?" He sounded much too smug, so she gathered her last two working braincells and clenched her cunt around him. He stifled his moan into her neck but didn't cease his movements.
"You wish," she gritted out.
Draco chuckled softly, and retaliated with a flick of the tip of his tail over her clit. Hermione almost shouted her moan. This wasn't where he stopped, though. He grazed the side of her neck with his teeth. An unexpected jolt of excitement surged through Hermione.
"This is no competition, darling. You can just let me fuck your brains out. Well… knot your brains out," he amended.
His hand slid to the apex of her thighs, using two fingers to pull her open. His tail slipped down, trying to reach where they were inseparably joined. It couldn't, so tightly locked they were. It moved up to flick her clit instead. The combined sensations from the nipple play, his tail on her clit, and the fullness of her cunt together with the maddening pressure on her g-spot was an experience so heady she might have dreamed it up.
Hermione reached back to stroke over his scales. And that on top of it all.
"Still good?"
"Even better," she said. She reached down to adjust his tail on her clit. "There, and a little quicker."
He obliged, painting smaller circles and pressing next to her bud like she preferred it. The telltale rush of elation began to build in her. She couldn't believe that she was still climbing up to another orgasm. How many orgasms had she had already? More than she had been able to achieve ever before in one evening. How many did he plan to give her? As many as it took until she was limp and sated and full of his seed, probably.
She should have bedded him years ago. It would have spared her some very unsatisfying experiences.
Draco gasped behind her when her inner muscles began to contract intermittently. The tension grew and grew, and when his appendage vibrated on her clit, she fell over the edge with a wail. Her whole body writhed in ecstasy, making him clamp his arms down on her. Her climax elicited a loud, lustful noise from him. He rutted into her, shallow but insistent. It drew her orgasm out until her surroundings whitened out for a moment.
When she registered her environment again, they both lay on their sides. "Fuck, Hermione. You're killing me." He licked her neck gently, nuzzling his face into her hair and throat. He inhaled slowly. "Milking me dry like that when I fill you up." There was no note of protest in his words, though.
Hermione stretched languidly. Or she tried. They were still locked together, but their joining didn't feel as absolute as before any more. His tail was also gone from her body. "I don't hear any serious objection from you."
"Why would I object? I want you to do it again and again." His hand slid down to her lower abdomen where it pressed into her and stroked from her vulva to her navel. It was a weird sensation, different from when the bulge of his cock or his knot pressed into her g-spot. This was external, and not quite uncomfortable, but also not exceptionally pleasurable or arousing.
"If you were hoping to feel your own cock, I'll have to disappoint you right here," she said. She was only too aware of the layer of fat on her.
He became motionless and was silent for a long time. She heard him swallow heavily.
"What's wrong?"
He didn't answer, but his hand trembled on her abdomen. Hermione's body was all sluggish and sated, but her mind raced suddenly. She was obscenely sticky between her thighs, more than she had been ever before. His fault for being such a turn on and the orgasms she had tonight, though the particular slide of semen wasn't there.
Because it was still locked in her by the knot. A locking mechanism which had one primary function.
"Are you…" She wet her dry lips. Should she find that hot or faintly weird? "Are you trying to stroke your seed toward my ovaries?" she asked, attempting a neutral inflection. Not sure if she succeeded, she tried to turn and see his face. Since they were still locked at their groins, she had to contort her upper body and neck until she could glimpse him. It was fairly uncomfortable.
His face was a shocking pink. This wasn't a remnant of the extortion or of the climax she thought he'd just had with her; he was mortified. Despite it all, his hand resumed its stroking.
"You're doing it again."
"Fuck," he muttered. "I don't mean… I can't…" He clenched his jaws and Hermione felt the tremble coursing through his fingers again. He didn't stop this time, though. Maybe he couldn't.
"Is this some dragon thing? Instinct?"
He looked away. The pink intensified when he inclined his head once.
"I told you I'm on birth control! That was the reason why I let you come inside of me in the first place."
"I know that. But the dragon doesn't care. We're knotted together. That seems to be enough incentive…" he trailed off, and kept stroking.
The surreality of the situation crashed over Hermione. She suppressed a snicker.
"That's not funny."
She gigglesnorted. "It sort of is." Another laugh broke free. "It's like… your dragon totally has a breeding kink." She wiped her eyes. Maybe she shouldn't be too harsh to Harry and Ron next time she saw them. There were situations where one couldn't do anything but laugh. "You knotted me. Gave me some of the best orgasms I've ever had." His eyes flicked to hers, mortification changing into gratification. She shot him a broad grin. Then another laugh bubbled free. "And dragon-Draco immediately thinks of knocking me up."
Draco grumbled, but kissed her, probably in the hopes of silencing her. She kissed him back through her mirth. When she opened her eyes again, she was all composed again and his complexion looked back to normal. She had to turn her head back because the strain was killing her, but she saw that a bit of mirth had sneaked into his eyes.
She placed her hand on his. He was still stroking her, but not with the earlier insistence. It had turned into a gentle, caring gesture. Butterflies took to wings in her stomach.
"Will it be like that every time we have sex?" she wondered aloud. "Though you didn't form a knot when you came all over me."
"How am I supposed to know?"
She shrugged. "Well, for one, you have been a dragon hybrid all your life."
"And I've never knotted anyone before. You're the first."
"Oh?" Her mind pondered his words. Was he telling her that he'd never come inside someone else or that his dragon hadn't reacted that way with anyone else? She pushed the thought into a back corner of her mind for later consideration, turning to the only logical solution. "There must be scrolls somewhere."
"'Frequency and persistence of knotting between dragonlings and humans—a comparative study?'"
She didn't answer, just snickered before she snuggled into him. A few minutes later, he slipped out of her. Finally free, she rotated her shoulders and flexed her back to revive the tense muscles. As soon as she moved, his seed ran out of her. It was so much that she grimaced. To be honest, she'd liked it more trapped inside.
Draco rolled her around until he faced her. His eyes roamed over her face, a question in them she couldn't decipher. What was he wondering? That the knot was putting her off? Or that the breeding kink he didn't seem to have much control over was a deal breaker?
She placed a kiss on his nose and put one arm around him. "For the record, I don't mind being bred, so to speak. If it pleases your dragon, we can indulge him from time to time." Relief washed over his face and she kissed him on his lips, too. "I won't complain about being knotted either. Although I think it would be very inconvenient in the mornings."
The corners of his mouth twitched. "We shall start a series of experiments," he said in-between nips and sucks to her neck. "Occurrence, frequency, duration, external stimuli… We might even publish our findings."
"With an n of one pair?"
"Case study," he shot out.
She swatted him on his shoulder, but grinned unabashedly. "Only if you feed me in the morning."
"I plan to do much more than that on many, many mornings. But first—" Draco got up with a grunt and lifted her off the bed "—bathroom."
Hermione's insistent protests to be set on her feet right now turned into contented sighs when he placed her into the warm bathwater. A while later those sighs turned into sounds of unbridled pleasure.
And then there was more knotting. After all, they had a study goal to meet.
"She's walking funny, isn't she?"
*gagging noise*
"Shut. Up. You two."