Archive of Our Own ^beta

Okay, so maybe watching hentai on the tv in his living room wasn't the smartest idea Barmey had ever had. It doesn't sound *that* bad when you consider that Barmey lives alone. But when you have a friend who can phase through locked doors? Well…

"Bro, are you jackin it to Tensei Kendo no Harem Colosseum?"

Barmey was startled out of his Isekai induced brain fog by Benrey's voice. He paused the show while stuttering his response.

"What? No, I- look what a man does in his own free time is no one else's business and-"

Benrey cut him off "getting your rocks off to some 2D neko mage huh? Wanna see a sword fight?"

Barmey somehow got even more flustered at that line of questioning.

"Listen, hentai is a perfectly valid form of- wait how do you know what show this is?"

Benrey leveled a perfectly neutral look at Barmey before pointedly looking him up and down. "Tough talk for someone with they dick still out."

Barmey panicked and went to cover himself before Benrey continued. "don't stop on my account" they muttered, beginning to approach the couch.

"Huh?"

Sitting down next to him and grabbing the remote, Benrey whispers, "traffic light safe words?"

Barmey whispers back a breathy "yeah" before Benrey presses play on the remote and the obnoxious sounds of hentai fill the room again. Barmey hesitated before taking himself in his hand again and starting a slow pace, his eyes darting between the tv and Benrey next to him.

"Damn, you really get off to this shit? Kinda cringe man, ngl"

"Uh-huh" Barmey squeaked out in response. He sped up his motion before wincing slightly and leaning over to spit on his dick, then continued on like normal.

Benrey actually cringed at that. "Fucking gross, dude" they said.

"Feels good though" Barmey whines in response.

"Just buy lube, idiot. What, are you afraid?
A little chicken shit who thinks the cashier will tell from vibes alone that you're gonna use it to pump your pathetic little meat to animated cat girls?"

The situation had really gone from zero to a hundred real quick, and Barmey was barely keeping up. He didn't know who to respond, he probably couldn't even if he did. Benrey had somehow guessed so many of his kinks perfectly, and they just kept talking.

"I bet you'd love that though. You'd get so excited at the thought of someone knowing how disgusting you are. It's really sad."

Benrey leaned over to talk into Barmey's ear, they're breath ghosting over his skin.

"Would you look at that", Benrey said without actually looking at the screen. "Show's gettin real good. Yaknow what that position is called?"

Barmey whimpered and shook his head.

"Aww, you aren't gonna use your words, Barn?" Benrey mocked.

"No" Barney stuttered "I don't know what it's called but it looks" - he cut himself off with a shutter as Benrey's hand started trailing up his thigh - "it looks really good".

"That's a mating press,'' Benrey said as they moved their hand slowly closer to Barmey's cock. "Reaches nice and deep. That handsome knight is breeding that cute catgirl good and hard"

Benrey suddenly knocks Barmey's hand away and starts pumping him themself.

"Don't you wish that was you?"

Surprising the both of them, Barmey came with a yelp. Benrey didn't pause either in their movements or jeering, working Barney through his orgasm until he was shaking with overstimulation. Benrey finally pulls away and looks at the mess on their hand.

"Weeb jizz any% speedrun world record, hell yeah" they mumbled before licking off the cum.

"Shutthefuckup" Barmrey said, trying to catch his breath as he went to turn off the hentai he'd only kinda been paying attention to at the end there.

"Nah. You came so quick, that was cool as shit. Party trick." With their hand kinda sorta cleaned they reached behind them.

"Anyways," Benrey said, pulling out two cans of red bull out of seemingly nowhere and handing one to Barmey, "wanna play COD?"

Barmey took the offered can with trembling hands and popped it open, "yeah just gimme a minute."