Chapter Text
Sarah flopped down on the bed nearly as soon as she and Alec arrived at the motel. It had been a busy day that had started with the familiar drive down from Hopeful Farm to Belmont for the upcoming spring meet.
For nearly two years now she and Alec had travelled up and down the east coast, wintering in Florida, returning to Belmont in the spring, with side trips to Keeneland and Churchill Downs. Their last Kentucky Derby attempt had ended when Alec had to withdraw Winter's Eve after the colt developed a fever late in the week.
Alec had been disappointed, but two other Hopeful Farm horses had performed well enough. Pam's Song finished second in the Churchill Downs Distaff, and Night Sky came in third in the Sprint.
Now they were back at Belmont, where Alec hoped to run Winter's Eve again before deciding if it was worth it to enter him in the Preakness. Sarah knew the farm could always use the money, and she could see how the stress was working at Alec.
It wasn't an easy life for them, but so far the rewards had exceeded the challenges.
"I assume you're going to try to pick up some mounts this week before the Peter Pan?" Alec asked her, closing the door behind him.
"I'll go to the track tomorrow." Sarah replied, closing her eyes. "I'm beat."
"Are you feeling okay?" Alec's voice took on a tinge of concern.
"Mm-hm."
There was a brief pause before Alec spoke again. "Brian tells me his wife's pregnant."
Sarah opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows. "Seriously? When's she due?"
"He told me, but I don't remember right off hand."
"Ugh. You're useless."
Alec chuckled softly and bent down to kiss her. "All I know is that he's excited and she's exhausted."
"I can imagine."
They were silent again, and Sarah closed her eyes, worry working at the back of her mind. She knew the signs and yet...no, it was impossible. That doctor had told her so.
"You've got a lot of scar tissue." the doctor told her.
Sarah's heart sank. She had no one to blame but herself. If only she had just...no. She had to do it. She'd had no choice.
"I would be very surprised if you were ever able to get pregnant."
Sarah wanted to cry, but was also a little relieved. At least she wouldn't have to deal with having a kid with Jeff. And she wasn't all that sure she ever wanted kids anyway. She'd probably never be able to ride again if she had kids.
"Sarah, did you hear me?" Alec's voice broke in.
"What?" Sarah opened her eyes again.
"I'm going up to the track." Alec told her as he lay beside her. "I'll call on my way back to see about food."
"Okay, sounds good."
She heard Alec close the door behind him, and Sarah let out a long sigh. No more secrets, she had told him. But nothing was confirmed yet, so there was really nothing to tell. She would see the doctor next week, and she would find out for sure then.
If she was...Sarah didn't want to think about that. Not only for what Alec might say, but for what his parents and her mother might say.
Sarah shifted, feeling the slightest twinge as she did so. Surely it was nothing. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift to sleep.
###
Alec couldn't help but wonder about Sarah. She had slept almost the entire drive down from Hopeful Farm, and now he had left her about to fall asleep again in their motel room. It didn't seem that she was sick, exactly. But from hearing Brian talk about his wife's pregnancy, that seemed to fit with what Sarah was experiencing.
Surely if Sarah were pregnant, she would say something. She wouldn't willingly risk her life just to continue riding, would she?
He sighed as he pulled up to the barn. Money was tight, as it often was, and having a kid would definitely stretch finances farther. Not that he wouldn't welcome a child, but he wasn't entirely sure he was ready for one either.
It dawned on Alec that he and Sarah hadn't really discussed the possibility. Lately they hadn't had a chance to discuss much of anything. Things had gotten so busy that just spending time together was a challenge. Taking the time to have serious discussions would cut into that time.
And any talk of a pregnancy would mean talking about marriage again, something Alec knew Sarah was gun-shy about. I'm happy as we are, she would tell him. Aren't you?
Alec would live with Sarah for the rest of his life if that's what made her happy. On the other hand, once you met the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, why not seal the deal? He remembered what Chuck had said on the porch that night. When you know, you know.
Alec definitely knew. It was a matter of convincing Sarah, and so far he'd been unsuccessful.
He set the thought aside as he pulled up to the barn. There were workouts to supervise and races to plan. His concerns about Sarah would have to wait.
Sarah opened her eyes as the afternoon sun started to stream into the room. The nap had done her some good, and she felt a lot more ready to head over to the track. The short walk would perk her up some more.
Her worries kept gnawing at her as she headed out. If she was indeed pregnant, and it stuck, she and Alec would have to have a real conversation about their future. Up until now she had been relatively content with things as they were. They lived together in the apartment over the stallion barn when they weren't on the road, and caught time together when they could the rest of the time.
But increasingly, Sarah's career had started to follow Alec's, rather than continuing to follow her own path. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. She loved Alec, of course, and would follow him to the ends of the earth, but more and more, she felt as if her riding career was secondary to his plans for the farm and his own training career.
Wasn't that the whole reason she had left Jeff in the first place?
Sarah was no closer to figuring that out by the time she got to the track. She smiled and nodded at some familiar faces as she made the rounds, talking to trainers and arranging for mounts. Now that she was better known, it was a lot easier to get work. Sarah was glad for that. It had been so hard when she had first landed in Florida after leaving Jeff.
She made her way back to the Hopeful Farm barn as Alec and Brian were deep in conversation near Storm Front's stall. Storm Front nickered, causing Alec to turn around, a hint of a smile lighting his face as Sarah walked up.
"Hey you." Alec slid an arm around her waist and planted a kiss on her temple. "All booked up?"
"Booked solid all week." Sarah answered cheerfully. She turned to Brian. "Heard your wife's knocked up."
Brian let out a short laugh, blushing ever so slightly. "Yep, due right around Thanksgiving."
"That's wonderful." Sarah couldn't help but feel a stab of something like jealousy. "Is this your first?"
"Yeah." Brian's expression changed to something more serious. "She's doing great. I'm a wreck."
Alec chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Don't believe that. He's doing just fine."
Sarah crossed over to Brian and gave him a quick squeeze. "You and Sheryl will be fine parents. That's gonna be one lucky kid."
Alec and Sarah chatted briefly with Brian before leaving the barn. "Are you ready to find some food?" Alec asked her.
Sarah nodded, and the two of them set off to the small diner that had been the setting of that first meal they had shared so long ago. Had it really been three years? So much had changed for them in that time.
And soon, if things went as Sarah suspected, they would be in for an even bigger change.
Alec and Sarah slid into a booth at the diner, and Alec watched Sarah carefully as she picked up a menu. As far as he could tell, she hadn't eaten much today, which was unlike her.
Sarah caught his eye as she looked up. "Something on your mind?"
"Just looking." Alec answered casually.
Sarah shook her head with an amused expression and returned to the menu. The waitress came over and took their orders before retreating.
"If you've got something to say, just say it." Sarah's voice broke into Alec's thoughts.
Alec hadn't been aware he had been staring so intensely. He shook his head, thinking carefully about how he wanted to voice his concerns. He rubbed thoughtfully at his knuckle before finally speaking. "If you were pregnant, you'd tell me, right?"
Sarah looked startled. "Course I would. Why would you even ask such a thing?"
"I don't know...just..." Alec pushed his doubts aside. "You're right. It's silly. Just thinking about Brian and how he talks about his wife's pregnancy and...yeah, never mind."
Sarah rested her chin on one hand and reached across the table with the other. Alec took the hand she offered, squeezing lightly. "It's not silly. It's just not something we've talked about." She told him.
"One of many things."
Sarah sighed and released his hand. "Please don't bring up marriage again. We don't need a ring and a piece of paper to be happy."
Alec pulled back, staring at the table. "I guess that means kids are out of the question, too."
"I didn't say that." Sarah answered quietly. "And there's nothing that says we have to be married to have kids."
Alec found that idea debatable. Living together was fine enough for now, but if he was going to have a family, he would rather be married. Besides, his parents were already bothered enough that they weren't married after all this time. As much as they looked forward to grandchildren, having kids before marriage would test the limits of their tolerance.
Soon their meals arrived, and they ate in silence. Alec couldn't help but stew in his own frustration. More and more, he wanted a future with Sarah. Why couldn't she just get on board already? They had been living together for the better part of two years, marriage would just be the next natural step.
But, of course, Alec already knew the answer to that, and he knew that pushing Sarah harder would only result in her digging in her heels further. Once her mind was made up, it was difficult, if not impossible to get her to change it.
After they finished and paid, they stepped out of the diner for the walk back to the motel. It hadn't been all that long ago that they had taken that first walk back to the motel, and Alec had thought he had missed his chance with her.
He had never been so glad to be so wrong.
Sarah took his hand as they started walking, giving it a little squeeze. "Don't be mad."
Alec squeezed back in response. "I'm not mad."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure." Alec assured her, leaning over to kiss her. "I'll shack up with you forever if that's what makes you happy, you know that."
Sarah let out a short, loud laugh at that. "Lord, you make it sound so terrible."
Alec smiled a little. No, it wasn't terrible at all, and he should probably just leave the subject alone for the time being. Still, he couldn't help the little voice of doubt that kept nagging at him.
It was probably nothing. It usually was.
###
Sarah felt a pang of guilt for lying to Alec. Well, she hadn't exactly lied, but she hadn't been entirely honest with him, either. She'd cross that bridge whenever she got to it. Soon. Soon she would know for sure. It would just be a few more days, and a few more days of waiting wouldn't hurt anything.
As she suspected, Alec had brought up marriage again. If Alec was perfectly fine with things as they were, why keep bringing it up? It frustrated Sarah to no end that he just wouldn't leave it alone. She'd had her fill of marriage. If she was just tagging along behind him now, what would it be like if they were married with kids? She'd have to give up riding for good. Not that Alec would force her, not like Jeff tried to, but she'd feel like she would have to give it up, and she hated that idea.
Alec reached for her that night as she undressed, pulling her to him, those rough, calloused hands exploring every part of her body. Even after all this time, he still managed to find ways to keep things interesting, and she almost always found herself returning that passion. It didn't happen nearly as often nowadays, but when it did, the fire still burned brightly between them.
She sighed to herself as he lay against her afterwards, his chest pressed against her back. It wasn't just the possible pregnancy that worried her. It was the other secrets she had so far kept. Would Alec still want to be with her if he knew? If only she could know for sure.
Would it be so bad if she...lost the pregnancy? The sudden dark thought caught her by surprise. Of course it would be terrible. But it wasn't as if Alec would have lost anything. After all, how could he lose something he never knew existed?
But Alec was already suspicious, and with good reason. All the more reason to remain silent. For now, she would focus on getting through the week. Everything would be fine, one way or another.