Chapter Text
Even though he had been permitted to talk to Ciri before leaving, Jaskier didn’t feel right going into Aiden and Lambert’s room to do so. The two witchers had stayed behind in the captain’s sitting room, but Eskel had left the door open as he and Jaskier had left so the spy was very aware that the two would be able to hear him if he didn’t enter their quarters and hide behind their door’s privacy symbol. He rocked back on his heals and took a moment to breath before he looked over at Eskel, who was leaning on the wall near him.
The first mate had his arms crossed again, and an ugly frown on his face that make him look like he had a headache. He was hunched and small, and it broke Jaskier’s heart a little to know that he couldn’t reach out and smooth that expression on his lips with his own. He reached out and touched Eskel’s arm, not long enough to rest it there, but enough that he hoped that the other got some form of comfort, even though he didn’t really have the right to provide any.
‘I’ll just be a second and I’ll keep the door open so you can hear.’ He gave Eskel a small smile, trying again to reassure him, but it fell sadly as he turned to the door and knocked on the wood. There wasn’t much time to compose his face before the door opened just enough for Ciri’s mop of dark curls to be seen through.
‘Jasper! You’re okay!’
‘Of course, why wouldn’t I be?’
Ciri winced. ‘Aiden and Lambert spoke for a while last night, and they were both really upset. I was worried that maybe he would hurt you or throw you off ship or something and I wouldn’t get to see you again.’
Jaskier huffed. ‘Well that’s not too far from what happened, but I am alright,’ he added when her eyes grew wide, ‘and unhurt, I promise. How’s your ankle?’
‘Lambert made me keep it propped up, which was annoying while I was trying to sleep, but I think its getting better now. A little swollen, but it doesn’t hurt as much. How was the talk with Eskel? Was he angry too?’
Jaskier stopped himself from glancing over to the side, where Eskel was standing with his back against the wall behind the door, outside of her vision. ‘I think he was, but in the very least I know that neither he nor anyone else is angry at you.’ He sighed as she frowned in concern. ‘You were right, Løve , you are safe here, you can trust these witchers and I should have listened to you. I...’ He swallowed around a lump and cleared his throat, ‘I’m going to be staying on land, trying to find somewhere for us to stay when The Merwolf leaves, but it’s much safer for you to stay here as I do so.’
Ciri opened her mouth, probably to protest, but Jaskier continued quickly to cut her off. ‘It’s not my decision. Eskel has requested that I leave the ship, and that you stay for the duration until Geralt returns from his mission and he can decide what to do with you.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Because of destiny . I know.’
‘Not just because of that. I want you to come to Redania with me, and in some ways I need you to, but you need to make that decision because you don’t need to do what destiny tells you to do, but you do need to know what you want to do or you’ll be swept up by it.’ He pushed a dark curl behind Ciri’s ear, ‘Like it or not, you are not Julek, you are Cirilla. And you need to decide who that is, Løve , before you start going in the wrong direction.
‘I have to go, but Eskel will know where I’ll be if you need me. Stay in this room until we can get another disguise in order, and please don’t run away again, alright?’
Ciri nodded, her eyes wide and wet, and Jaskier pulled her into a hug before he turned. He heard her breath go slightly ragged as she closed the door behind him and he stared at the wood of the hallway opposite until he felt Eskel’s presence shift to shepherd him towards the exit.
He could have said so much more to her, and he also could have held his tongue and simply told her to stay safe and quiet until he was permitted to return, but he wasn’t sure either of those would have helped. Although, to be unfair to himself, he also wasn’t certain what he did say would do more than simply confuse her, but he needed to do something to try and get her on the same page as him, to get her thinking of the bigger picture that lay before her.
It shouldn’t take Geralt too long to get back to the ship, he had only been gone for two days, but if he couldn’t be with Ciri in that time, if he couldn’t explain what he needed her to understand, then maybe she could come around on her her own.
Jaskier made sure to keep his head up and strides loose as he crossed the deck with Eskel behind him. Coën caught his eye, the griffin witcher’s attention flicking to Eskel then back to Jaskier with a confused look, but Jaskier gave a small shake of his head. He didn’t know how the other would interpret it, but at least Coën didn’t approach them to ask why he was being escorted off the ship. He didn’t think he had the strength to explain.
‘Follow the docks down the river.’
He turned with Eskel’s instructions and the witcher’s presence move to his side, his bulk blocking him from the town and making him feel pushed towards the edge of the dock and the waters that were murky and full of debris from the rainfall the night before. It wasn’t as if he had an issue with looking at water before, but something about how he couldn’t see the bottom, and the leaves and muck swirling around the surface kind of looked like a face that made him need to direct himself away from the river.
‘S-So,’ Jaskier tried to swallow with his suddenly dry mouth, needing a reason to not look at the water but also not really wanting to look at Eskel. ‘Where are we going?’
‘There’s a house not far from here. I don’t stay off ship, but Gwen and Gweld say it’s safe enough, which is high praise for a room this close to port.’ Eskel sighed, ‘I thought you might want to stay as close to the ship and Ciri as possible, but if you’d like a nicer place I think there’s somewhere further up the mountain.’
‘No, no that sounds perfect. Thank you. And I’m sorry, aga- Oof.’
Jaskier bouncer off of a very large chest that was suddenly in front of him. ‘Jasper, stop apologising, I don’t want to hear it. I’ve respected yours and Geralt’s privacy, and I trust him to know what he’s doing to the point where it won’t affect the ship or it’s crew, but this does. We’ve been searching for her for months, delaying our return home because we’ve been searching for months, and I have to assume that what the two of you talked about was not her or he wouldn’t have left for the desert so quickly.’
‘Lambert and Aiden don’t need to know, and I know you wouldn’t say much in front of them but I deserve to know what the fuck is going on. What did you and Geralt talk about that made him so gods damn willing to trust you?’
Jaskier blinked up at the witcher and the angry lines that marred his attractiveness more than his scars ever could. ‘I told him who I was, and I told him that I was Ciri’s- Julek’s father, because I can’t imagine caring my own child any less than I do her.’ In a split second decision he grabbed Eskel’s hand and placed it over his own chest, ‘You can tell when I’m lying, can’t you? So you know it’s true. You know I care for her. And… and I know in light of my lies you may have reason to doubt my motivations for everything up to this point, but I need you to know that my motivations in regards to Ciri have always been upfront. As have they in regards to you. Nothing about out night was dishonest, Eskel.’
Eskel’s deep amber eyes stared into him, his jaw set hard against words that he clearly wanted to say. He pulled his hands back from Jaskier’s chest, breaking the other’s grasp with ease before he turned and started to continue his walk along the bay. Jaskier continued behind him, taking a few uneven steps to keep up with the suddenly much brisker pace.
‘I wasn’t concerned about that.’ He rumbled.
‘Yes, I think you were.’ Jaskier continued. ‘I think as soon as you learned that I managed to hide Ciri from you that you started to wonder what else I hid. What else I lied and faked.’
‘It doesn’t matter anyway, it doesn’t affect the ship or the crew or our voyage, it’s not important.’
‘Geralt thought it was. He asked me in the morning after, about what my motivations were for bedding you. He was worried.’
‘Geralt always worries about things that aren’t his concern. I’m a grown man, I wanted you and got what I wanted. If anything, I was the one who took advantage of how upset you were about Julek to comfort you and you were just along for the ride.’
Jaskier was glad that the witcher’s back was now to him, so he couldn’t see the wince that crossed his face. He had successfully deferred the conversation, but it settled like a heavy weight in his gut. If Eskel hadn’t been questioning that night then he most definitely was now, which wasn’t fair but Jaskier wasn’t comfortable to try and put his and Geralt’s connection into words, like Eskel was demanding he do.
He felt like a coward, but he couldn’t tell Eskel who he was. It would make everything so much worse and he didn’t want to fully burn the bridge between then, as unstable as that bridge may currently be. At least when he had told Geralt about his alliances he was sure the admission would foster trust, rather then break whatever fragile remains there were.
‘You didn’t take advantage,’ He said, his voice small but most definitely heard, ‘I needed that night as much as you did.’
As Eskel led Jaskier there was a tension across the span of his shoulders that did not invite any further conversation. It made Jaskier uncomfortable, but was glad that he now didn’t feel so boxed in by the other and like a prisoner being marched to the gallows. The pace was brisk, but not overly harried, which left time for Jaskier to turn his attention to the people milling about the riverside road.
He heard a few snatches of conversation as they passed, and noticed that the few people who stopped and stared as they passed often muttered something about beasts and butchers in Zerrikanian while not bothering to keep their voices hushed. They probably assumed that the witchers couldn’t understand their language, and he hoped that Eskel was one of the crew who couldn’t.
Jaskier pretended to not hear or understand their words until they came to a building with a large area, with freshly laid desert sand as the floor and a canvas pulled tight for a roof. If it had had walls it would have looked like any kind of bar back on the continent, but it was only framed by several pillars and Jaskier could see straight in and past the seated patrons to the centre bar area. In this space Jaskier heard more foreign words thrown at them, including ‘ugly ox’. Eskel ignored the looks he got as he entered and walked straight up to the counter.
‘Kordrana, do you own one room?’ Eskel asked, his Zerrikanian hesitant and mumbled with very little attempt to add any of the correct pronunciation. Jaskier winced, not just at the odd sentence phrasing but with the knowledge that Eskel probably could pick up some of the words that had been spat at him by passers by.
‘Yes.’
‘May he own one room?’
Jaskier put a hand on Eskel’s arm and felt the muscles twitch under his palm as he stepped to the side of the witcher, gently guiding him to the side. ‘Good morning, Kordrana, was it?’
The woman behind the counter raised an eyebrow. She had some loops of wood around her neck, painted gold with a delicate pattern carved into it with matching bangles and clips in her hair. She was young, but had some hard lines around her face, and gave him a sharp nod to confirm her name while keeping curious eyes on him.
He gave her the best smile he could muster, which may have contained less of its usual shine but was still quite charming, and tried to remember the sharper stops of the Zerrikanian language that could make all the difference in meaning. ‘I am in need of a place to stay, and my friend tells me your rooms are the highest in quality.’
Kordrana stared at him, and Jaskier ran the sentence back in his head but came to the conclusion that he hadn’t said anything that was too far from what he wanted to convey. Perhaps it was a little stilted, but he would rather err on the side of formality rather than offend anyone. He met her eyes, mainly to avoid glancing at Eskel’s reaction, until hers softened and the corner of her mouth relaxed up.
‘Your friend lies to you, but we have a free room if you can pay. How many nights will you need it for?’
‘Two nights, maybe more, but now only two.’ He reached into his pocket and produced the only two Florin coins he owned.
She cocked her head as she took him in and flicked her fingers at the lute on his back. ‘You can keep the coin, if you can play anything good on that thing. Or do you just know Continent goatshit?’
‘I know a few Zerrikanian songs, mostly traditional. I can translate a few Nilfgaard songs, but my accent is not the best, as you can tell.’
At this she gave a light chuckle, showing surprisingly white teeth. ‘I don’t know, I’ve most definitely heard worse. Keep your coins, I get enough of those from the port traders and I have little use for them, we can work something out. Maybe you can play, liven up the strangers so they stop their complaining that we do not serve the ale that they are used to.’
She looked over his shoulder and indicated a table farthest from the bar, where a few of the Cidarian sailors were sitting. Jaskier looked back to Kordrana who was watching him with a pleasant smile on her face. She reached out and brushed the fingers along the back of his hand, and he returned the smile. ‘It would be a pleasure.’
Eskel shifted beside him, something low rumbling in his chest that could almost be called a growl. When he looked up, Jaskier saw the witcher looking from him to Kordrana with something dark in his usually warm amber eyes. He looked, for a moment, like he wanted to say something but just let out a long harsh stream of air through his nose.
Jaskier started to speak, wanting to say something about learning the language at Oxenfurt through songs, but his mouth closed as Eskel shook his head in warning. The witcher turned and left Jaskier alone in the bar to watch the first mate walk back to The Merwolf without him.