Archive of Our Own ^beta

Wind blowing, the cold front making Joe’s face numb. He knew it was cold and that it would take time for him to warm up when he got home but he could not bring himself to move, the orange hues in the sky giving him some warmth inside. The waves crashing was music to his ears, the scent of saltwater filling his nose and the cliff view providing a moment of clarity. Joe was the only one here and even though he had not packed properly for what he was about to do, he did not care.

Ambling down the cliff and onto the beach, Joe enjoyed the feeling of sand between his toes. Finding a spot behind some boulders at the bottom of the cliff, he gradually removed each piece of clothing from his body while the chill of the wind pricked at his skin. Dawdling down to the water, step by step Joe entered the ocean until the water was up to his chest. With his back to the cliffs, Joe stared at the setting sun even though it was possibly damaging his eyes, in this moment he did not care.

Despite the orange hues, he felt nothing but the blues, his body somewhat paralysed by the cold water and the numbness he felt inside. He could move his face but not the will to change. Change was a scary thing and so is confronting it face on. Hopefully, the cold water would wake Joe enough and the waves keep Joe calm enough through the storm inside of him. A storm that has raged on for so long that the outside forces are no longer influencing it and all he is left is the damage. Damage that takes years to recover.

Deep down Joe knew he did not have the emotional capacity to deal with years of damage. The damage itself was inflicted upon his heart, and this is why he must face the change. Face change and continue to live or dive deeper than the ocean and not get out. Either way, Joe had enough thinking and was ready to head home. Despite the orange blues, he rather enjoyed his swim and smiled, if he was brave enough to swim in fucking freezing water then surely he could do anything.