Chapter Text
“I like you” Hyunjin said, loud and clear as she and Heejin walked through the door of their shared apartment after a workout session at the gym.
Heejin looked at her best friend after the taller girl said that, a soft smile and solemn look on her face, a soft sheen of sweat on her forehead.
She snorted and shook her head at her friends antics, opening the fridge to drink her post workout protein shake and handing Hyunjin her own.
“What’s with you?” She chuckled slightly at her catlike friend. “I know you like me, we’ve been best friends, roommates, gym buddies plus we both go to the same dance studio, we’ve been together most of the time for the past two years.”
A soft laugh resounded in the room as Hyunjin laughed, her pointy canines showing as she laughed at her friend.
“Not like that.” She said between small laughs, a nervous look escaping her seemingly unaffected eyes. “I mean I like you as in I want to date you, you hard head.” Ruffling her shorter friend’s hair.
Heejin stared at her friend dead in the eyes, hoping to find a joking expression, to see those big playful eyes that ever so often showed up as she teased her… but she found none of it, just a set of beautiful big brown eyes, serious, with something hidden behind them… shyness, fear and something else Heejin couldn’t quite place, but made her feel warm inside nonetheless.
“You’re serious?” Her hand running through her blonde hair, fixing up a little the mess Hyunjin had left behind, looking away from her best friend’s intense eyes.
“Dead serious.” She replied casually, almost nonchalantly, making Heejin doubt of her once more, but she also knew Hyunjin wouldn’t play with something this serious.
“I…” Heejin started, not really knowing what to say to her friend. “How long?”
“A year and a half? Give or take?” Hyunjin continued as she walked to the living room and sitting down on their couch, Heejin mindlessly following her, her face contorted in confusion. “I know you don’t like me like that though and I’m not saying this expecting anything from you.”
Heejin let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding.
“Look, I just had to say it you know? I needed to let you know.” Hyunjin smiled at her, almost sadly. “But mostly, I had to let it out of my chest, it’s been eating me away for so long, nothing has to change between us cause I truly am nice to you cause you’re my best friend, I’m not some nice guy who befriended you cause I wanted more from you.” She continued. “I am your best friend who just happened to fall for you.”
“I would say that is kind of cliché.” Heejin said, laughing awkwardly as she attempted to lighten the mood. “But I’m not straight.”
Hyunjin laughed softly, almost sadly at that, Heejin couldn’t help but grimace at the sight. Why was she so bad at talking about feelings?
“Yeah, definitely not straight, I remember the way you looked at Sooyoung on our first few classes, no way you could be straight.”
“I remember the glares from Jiwoo, how could I have known they were dating back then?”
They both laughed together and Heejin felt something constricting her heart… she honestly had never thought of her friend that way.
“Hey…” She felt Hyunjin’s warm hand on her shoulder. “It’s really okay. You don’t have to say anything, it’s just me.”
Heejin sighed. It’s just Hyunjin. Maybe that’s exactly why it felt so wrong to just go on pretending nothing happened.
“Really Heejin, I’m okay, we are friends first and foremost okay?”
“You know I love you right?” Heejin choked out. “Just.. not like that.”
“I know and I wouldn’t change it at all.” Hyunjin smiled softly, reaching for a strand of hair and tucking it behind Heejin’s ear. “I love you too.”
And the way Hyunjin said it was so loaded with emotion that Heejin’s heart hurt.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered and blinked away the tears that threatened to escape her eyes.
“Don’t be sorry you cry baby.” Hyunjin smiled at her with such a warmth, with such care, how could she not notice it before? “We can’t control who we like or we don’t.” She continued. “If I did maybe I wouldn’t like someone who sucked so bad at deadlifts.”
“Hey!” She complained loudly. “At least I have better abs and biceps than you!” Heejin replied, pushing her friend away.
“Yeah, they’re just for show, mine actually lift things.”
And just like that they were back to being playful, maybe this could work Heejin thought.
“Hey, aren’t you hungry? let’s buy some ddeokbokki, it’s on me.” Hyunjin said, as she grabbed her phone, already dialing the number of their favorite place as Heejin nodded excitedly.
Yeah, everything would be okay.
—
“Ugh, do you really have to be such a showoff?” Heejin groaned as she watched her best friend do her barbell squat set, with 200 pounds of weights on the bar.
Saw her friend complete the squat, all the way down and back up, in perfect form, Heejin didn’t dwell on the way her eyes were glued on the arch on her friends back and her thighs as she did, watched as she then proceeded to leave the bar on its place and the plates on their respective spot.
“What? like it’s hard?” She asked, nonchalantly, barely out of breath. “You know I love squats.”
“Did you seriously slip a Legally blonde reference?” Heejin said as she reached for the bar, wanting to adjust the weight only to realize Hyunjin had already left it set at the weight she squatted, 120 pounds, which was an intermediate level weight, not advanced like Hyunjin’s.
“Oh come on,” Hyunjin said as she laughed softly. “You’re just bitter I can lift almost twice my weight.” She smirked, her canines peeking out. “And 120 is not such a bad number for you to be such a-“
“Hi” Someone interrupted them, a girl about their age with bright purple hair came up to them. “I’m Yerim, sorry if it’s a little weird but I just wanted to say that your squat was so cool. You have a great form.”
Hyunjin blushed, her hand scratching the back of her head as she laughed shyly and Heejin just rolled her eyes.
Hyunjin opened her mouth to reply but Heejin interrupted her them.
“Are you gonna spot me or not?” She said in an annoyed tone, what did this girl think she was going to achieve by interrupting their work out.
“Oh my god I’m so sorry.” Purple haired girl said with a blush across her face. “I didn’t notice you had a girlfriend, sorry for being so forward. “
Hyunjin just laughed softly and Heejin groaned as she blushed.
“We’re not girlfriends, she’s my best friend.” Hyunjin said and Heejin just frowned. Was Hyunjin interested perhaps? “Also, I’m Hyunjin and thank you for your kind compliments.”
“Oh, so you’re single?” Purple haired girl continued eagerly now.
“Yeah yeah, my friend’s hot, she is sooo pretty and she is single. ” Heejin huffed annoyingly, just under her breath, hoping neither of the other girls would notice it.
“Yeah I’m single.” Hyunjin answered, eyeing Heejin carefully. “But i’m currently busy working out with my friend, sorry.”
“Ah it’s okay, here” she said as she handed Hyunjin a tiny piece of paper, a little crumpled. “I’ve honestly seen you around a few times, just hadn’t had the courage to come up and give you my number, hit me up if you’re interested.”
Hyunjin just nodded politely and whispered a thank you.
Purple haired girl just walked away with a bright smile and a big blush across her face and Heejin just scoffed loudly.
How dare she.
“So?” Heejin asked once again as she stood next to the weights, waiting for Hyunjin to bring back the attention to her.
She noticed the way Hyunjin looked at her in an odd way, almost as if she was trying to read her mind. The black haired girl just shook her head and smiled apologetically at her.
“I’m sorry I’m just your hot friend who is sooo pretty and single.” She said in a playful tone, and Heejin just rolled her eyes, of course she had heard it.
“Stop playing around and let’s get this over with.” Heejin replied annoyingly.
An hour later they were checking out of the gym, sweating slightly and muscles aching as they left the place.
“Are you gonna text her?” Heejin asked apparently out of the blue as Hyunjin opened the passenger door for her before heading to her spot on the drivers seat.
“I don’t really have time for those things” She answered nonchalantly before starting her car, “Have lots of stuff going on.”
“Hm.” Heejin just muttered, wondering why suddenly her heart felt less heavy.
—
“You always do that to her you know.” Chaewon told her as she finished telling her all about the annoying purple haired girl who had hit on Hyunjin.
“What do you mean?” Heejin said as she took a mouthful of pasta.
“Every time someone hits on her, you act like a jealous girlfriend.” She stated matter of factly, causing Heejin to choke on her food.
Chaewon patted her back softly as she drank a bit of water, trying to clear her throat.
“I do not!” She exclaimed dramatically. “She can date whoever she wants!”
“Oh yeah? then why did you shush off purple haired girl?”
“She interrupted us! That was rude!” She exclaimed matter of factly.
“What was wrong with that pretty barista from a few months ago then?”
“She wrote her number on Hyunjin’s coffee cup! That’s a little basic and unprofessional, it was during her work hours.”
“What about that red head girl at the party? Yeji was it?”
“Ugh, she wasn’t even that pretty,” She said, frowning as she recalled the way the red haired girl had so blatantly hit on Hyunjin and asked her to go home with her. “Plus, Hyunjin doesn’t like hookups.”
“First of all she was literally a model,” Chaewon said, a chuckle escaping her lips. “Secondly, how do you know if Hyunjin doesn’t like hookups?”
She wasn’t really sure to be honest. Had Hyunjin even hooked up with anybody ever? They spent every waking moment together, she should know.
“What if she was hooking up with someone right now? I mean, she’s all alone, at home at night, it’s a weekend and she is pretty, she is also objectively hot, I don’t think she would struggle find-“
“She’s not like that!” Heejin exclaimed, surprising herself at how heated up she got over this. “She doesn’t like hookups, I just know it.”
“Then what does she like?” Chaewon asked, almost daring her.
“She likes me!” Heejin retaliated quickly, surprising herself with what she had said, what had slipped.
“Ah, there it is.” Chaewon said all knowingly, crooked smile shining proudly. “Wasn’t her confession months ago? and didn’t you reject her?”
“I don’t like her like that.”
“Then what is it? Do you just want her to like you forever and never like anyone else?” Chaewon asked as if it was just plain stupid. “That is very selfish, particularly considering you don’t like her back, or so you say.”
“I really don’t.” Heejin insisted.
“Sure, let’s say I believe you.” Chaewon continued. “Let’s say you don’t actually like her, which we both know it’s bullshit to be honest… But if that was truly the case then you should take a hard look at yourself and wonder why you don’t want your best friend to find someone to love who loves her back.”
Heejin just stayed quiet, looking away from Chaewon while she sipped her drink.
“Or maybe, and more likely, you actually like her and just want her for yourself.”
That was somewhat so much scarier.
“And I don’t know what you’re waiting for to act on those feelings of yours considering she is absolutely whipped for you. She worships the ground you walk on.” Chaewon, said as she sat back on her chair. “Now, while you digest that information, let me tell you all about how I was finally able to beat Hyeju on Mario Kart.”
—
Chaewon’s words played over and over on her head as she headed home.
Had she really been that possessive and selfish with Hyunjin? Did she like her o was she just being a terrible friend?
It also made her think about what she felt for the slightly younger girl, they’re friends, nothing more, sure they had great chemistry, she knew no one would ever get her the way Hyunjin does, she knew she could never have entire conversations with someone just by looking into each others eyes the way they did, no one would be so gentle and caring with her while also being an annoying asshole in a perfect balance, no one would ever let her have the last pizza or split the last piece of vanilla filled bread available at the bakery, that was Hyunjin’s favorite and she never let anyone else even come close to it, anyone but her, she didn’t even need to ask and Hyunjin was already splitting it in half, giving her the larger piece, just doing absolutely everything that would sweep anyone off their feet… everything about them was honestly very… soulmate-y, however, soulmates could also be platonic, right?
And yes, they both like girls and of course Heejin has eyes, she knows Hyunjin is beautiful, with those big round eyes, that perfect button nose, her downward smile and those cute canines who were so unexpectedly attractive, those soft looking cushion like lips, her chiseled jaw, her toned legs and strong shoulders, her big hands and long slender fin-
Heejin shook her head suddenly, shaking away the thoughts that suddenly intruded her mind, realizing she was now standing in front of the door their shared apartment, she could hear soft r&b music coming from the inside, had Chaewon been right? could Hyunjin be hooking up with someone right now?
She hurried up and opened the door, suddenly desperate to see whatever was going on inside.
As she opened the door she stayed frozen at the scene developing in front of her.
She watched as Hyunjin danced behind a tall, beautiful girl with dark blue hair, Be Natural by Red Velvet resounding in the background, Hyunjin placed her hands on the side of the girl and then dropping slowly as she touched her body, they kept on dancing and suddenly the girl pulled Hyunjin by the shoulder and forced her to look face to face, lips only millimeters away from each other.
They stepped away from each other as the other girl went to press pause on the song.
“You did so great baby cat,” The girl said as she walked towards Hyunjin, smirking as Hyunjin blushed.
Before Hyunjin could reply, she cleared her throat loudly, she just wanted to make her presence be known. She needed it to be known.
A part of her feared what could happen if they never did.
“Oh,” Hyunjin said, backing away from the girl as she did. “Heejin, hi, uh, this is Jinsoul, from our dance lessons.”
Heejin just hummed, acknowledging the presence of the beautiful girl who just stared at her with an eyebrow raised and a soft smile.
“So you’re the famous roommate,” Jinsoul said. “Hyunjin here never shuts up about you, only says amazing things about you.”
“That is so kind of her.” Heejin said, still wary of the taller girl, the image of Hyunjin’s hand running through her body and then meeting in an almost kiss replaying over and over on the back of her mind. “She’s never mentioned you before tho.” She added, rather bitterly.
Hyunjin laughed awkwardly as she stared at the fixed gazes the girls held, not even blinking for a second.
“Yeah, Sooyoung matched us for a dance assignment, hence why she was here, needed the extra practice.” Hyunjin added, a little awkwardly. “Although, it’s a little late, maybe we can pick it up tomorrow at the dance studio?” She continued, turning towards Jinsoul who only looked back at her and smiled knowingly.
“Sure, wouldn’t want to make your girlfriend uncomfortable.” Jinsoul said, grabbing her stuff. “See you tomorrow baby cat.” She continued as she kissed her cheek, a sly smile on her face as she saw Heejin’s ears turn red in anger and her face turn hard. “See you around Heejin.”
As soon as Jinsoul was out the door, Heejin groaned, and stormed towards Hyunjin.
“What was that about?”
“What are you talking about?” Hyunjin answered, eyebrow cocked in confusion as she met Heejin’s eyes.
“Don’t play dumb.” She replied, pissed off. “We needed the extra practice” She continued, mocking Hyunjin’s voice as she said it.
“What’s wrong with you, seriously? She is just my dance partner.” Hyunjin continued, now frowning.
“Come on, she kissed you and called you baby cat over and over, she was all over you!” She yelled at Hyunjin. “How desperate does she have to be, oh my god”
Heejin expected Hyunjin to yell back at her, what she didn’t expect was Hyunjin’s frown and sad eyes after she said that.
“So you think girls have to be desperate to want to flirt with me, huh?” Hyunjin said disbelievingly, shaking her head as she did. “I know you don’t like me like that okay, but you don’t have to be mean about it.”
Heejin stared wide eyed at her best friend.
“No! Of course not Hyun, oh god, that’s not what I meant at all, really-“
“Stop, please,” The dark haired girl pleaded, lifting her hand up, effectively silencing her best friend. “You do this every time, at first I thought it was you being protective, if you were around whenever a girl hit on me, you would always react like this.” She sighed. “But now I don’t even know, each time you’re meaner about it, and I know you know I want you, but I want to be able to move on, why do you keep-“ She choked on her words. “Why do you want to keep your hold on me? Why-” and then something silenced her.
Heejin’s mind was running wild while she heard her friend so she did something completely out of the blue, she had kissed her, her lips barely pressing against Hyunjin’s, gone so fast Hyunjin thought maybe she had imagined it.
“What are you doing?” Hyunjin asked, a flicker of something, hope? flashed in her eyes and was gone in a heartbeat.
“Isn’t that what you want?” Heejin replied shyly, looking away from her best friend, her lips tingling still from the quick contact and Hyunjin’s frown deepened, what normally would be everything she had ever asked for suddenly left a bitter taste on her mouth.
“Seriously? Is that why you just kissed me? To give me what I want? God, you’re being so damn condescending” Hyunjin said, hurt even further by her soulmate. A hard look stretched on her features and an anger towards Heejin she’s never felt before bubbled in her chest. “No Heejin, you kissed me because you want me wrapped around your finger forever, like a puppy trailing after you! Please sort your own feelings before you drag me into whatever mess you got going on.”
And just as Hyunjin was turning around with the direction of her room, a hand grabbing her own stopped her.
Heejin had done it almost mechanically. Stayed silent for a moment as Hyunjin looked back at her expectantly, waiting to see what she had to say for herself.
“I think I wanted it too.” Heejin whispered. “I.. have never really thought of you as anything more than a friend.” Took a deep breath and went on. “But I hate it so so much when I see you with other girls, it physically pains me, it angers me and I… I had never really thought more of it.” She locked eyes with Hyunjin as tears threatened to fall from her eyes. “When that happens, there is also this fear, a fear of losing you that overwhelms me.”
“Heejin… just because they offer me something you can’t, doesn’t mean you’re gonna lose me…” Hyunjin said, her face turning soft once more as she caressed her friend’s cheek hoping to give her some comfort. “I told you this when I confessed, we’re friends first, I promise even if I date or I get over you, our friendship won’t change.”
If I date or I get over you those words rang through her head so loudly, ran like a shiver all over her body and settled on her heart… it felt like it burned, it hurt her so bad. She started trembling softly and her eyes watered, her grip on Hyunjin’s hand tightened and she noticed the way Hyunjin’s eyes turned even softer.
If I date or I get over you
No…
If I date or I get over you
Please don’t
If I date or I get over you
Stop her, do something
If I date or I get over you
She can’t do that, she’s yours!
Heejin’s eyes widened at the thought that crossed her mind, does it hurt so bad because she wants her just as badly as Hyunjin wants? God, why does she have to suck so bad at feelings.
“How did you do it…” Heejin said mindlessly, her heart aching and her voice break.
“How did I do what?” Hyunjin asked, voice barely a whisper, her left hand still on Heejin’s cheek and her right hand holding Heejin’s, her thumb rubbing soft circles on her hand, a soft comforting action that always helped keep Heejin grounded.
“How could you watch me date?” A shiver ran through Hyunjin’s spine and her eyes turned sad.
“I just love you so much, I just want you to be happy.”
Heejin nodded mindlessly.
I just want you to be happy
I am happy
I just want you to be happy
You make me happy
I just want you to be happy
Can’t we just be happy together?
She nodded slowly at her realization, god, why was she so slow at this.
“But I think… maybe I want to try this?” She basically had to squeeze those words out of her throat, dry and burning as she
“What even is this?” Hyunjin asked.
“You know what I mean..” Heejin said, looking at her best friend in the eyes, hoping to convey everything she is feeling without having to say so.
Hyunjin just stared at her, determined and Heejin knew she would have to be brave.
“You know… give us a try?” She took a deep breath. “I’m not quite sure right now but I know that what I feel can’t be fully platonic, I… want to try dating you.”