Work Text:
Enchanted Series
Part 7: Betty
The last thing Taylor thought would happen during a peaceful autumn night, was her ex-boyfriend, James, showing up her doorstep and all the while pouring out his deepest darkest thoughts.
He had the audacity to call her “Bets”, that weird pet name he gave her, to this day, she still didn’t get it.
Bets, I won't make assumptions about why you switched your homeroom, but I think it's because of me. And I don't necessarily blame you.
Bets, the night I got home I rode my skateboard past your house, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was real, you were real again, and the pain I caused you was too real. Everything was too real and most importantly, what I did to you.
I remember when you called me all those months ago before I got home, after that fateful day on that field.
"Inez and Dorothea told me everything," you said. I will never forget the feeling of dread, shame, and guilt in my stomach that followed. It hasn't left since that brief one-sentence phone call.
Of course, you heard the rumors from her, Inez can't keep a secret for her life. Inez is the one who caught the other girl and me kissing on the beach, so it was only a matter of time before she called you. I forgot Inez spent her summers by the coast like me and was harshly reminded when she glared down at her and I while she walked by. Usually, you can't believe a word she says most times, but this time it was true. That pains me so much to say, but you saw it for yourself.
But, honestly, Bets, I can say with my entire heart that the worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you.
I heard about your party. I've been back a week now and still haven't seen you yet. I know you don't want to see me, but what would you do if I just showed up to explain? Would you have me? Would you want me? Would you tell me to go fuck myself, or would you lead me to the garden?
And if you did lead me to the garden, would you trust me if I told you, it was just a summer thing? I'm only seventeen, Bets, and while I don't know anything, I know I miss you.
Bets, I can trace exactly where it all went wrong. It was after you and I decided to take a break for the summer, with me heading to the coast and you staying here. It was at the school dance at the end of school, and your favorite song was playing from the far side of the gym. I was nowhere to be found; you know I hate big crowds. Plus, I saw you dance with him. I'm not proud of it, but jealousy just took over me, even though I knew you two were just friends.
But it doesn't matter. You found out what happened over the summer, those nights you were away, everything and I wish that this time Inez was wrong and you wouldn't believe her. But this time, the rumors were true.
If I could do anything in the world, I would take it back. I hold nothing in my heart but regret and love for you, and I just wish I could explain that to you. I'm simply a dumb, insecure teenager who made the worst mistake of his life. I know that the worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you.
And yet, I just can't help but wonder what would happen if I showed up at your party. I don't know if you'd have or want me, or if you'd just tell me to go fuck myself. But this persistent and annoying piece of hope in my chest wonders if you lead me to the garden.
And if you did take me there so I could explain, which is the only thing I'd ever ask of you right now, would you trust and believe me when I tell you that it was a stupid mistake? It honestly only chalks up to just a stupid summer thing. Bets, I know it's a terrible excuse, but I'm only seventeen, and all I know is that I miss you more than anything in this world.
The day after the dance was when I left for the coast. That first night I was walking home on broken cobblestones, and all I could think about was you. About you dancing with him and not me, about how much I would hate being away from you, about your red hair and beautiful smile. I knew it would be a long summer without you, and I vowed to try to get as little a taste of you as possible.
That's when she pulled up next to me, the human embodiment of my worst intentions.
"Hey, James, get in. Let's drive," she had said. I knew her from my summers here, and she constantly had reminded me of you.
I knew I shouldn't have gotten into her car, but she had red hair like yours, and, I don’t know, she seemed the closest thing to you that I could get.
I knew she wasn't even close to you in comparison, but I was sad, and I really missed you.
I'm heartbroken to say that those days turned into nights, and I may have slept next to her, but I dreamt of you all summer long.
So, Bets, that's how I ended up here on your doorstep. I've planned this out for weeks now, but it's finally sinking in. This is the last time I can dream about what happens when you see my face again. And while it isn't how I would prefer it, I'm just excited to finally see you after all this time.
I know that I probably can't, but the only thing I want to do is make it up to you.
So, I showed up at your party.
I can't believe I showed up at your party.
But regardless, I showed up at your party, and I can't help but wonder. Will you have me? Will you love me? Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends?
And if you do kiss me, which I know is a long shot (I can't help but hope), will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it remind you of how much I love you so it can heal you? Will it patch your broken wings?
I'm only seventeen, Bets, and I don't know anything. But I know that I miss you.
I miss standing in your cardigan, and I miss kissing in my car again. I think of you every time I'm stopped at a streetlight. You always looked so beautiful in my passenger seat.
You know I miss you.
.
.
.
It felt like an eternity before a response could be made, until it was broken by Taylor’s voice of resonance.
“James, I-“