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Chapter Text

The Second Nest

The second nest, like the first is typical, nothing special. Medium sized (20-30 goblins). First nest had a hob leader, this one has totems, so a shaman leader.

I was wary about differences in armor, but I'm adjusting. Advice that I picked up at the training camp has helped. Movement is different, but biggest change is the helm — a little less protection, but field of view is much larger. Eating and drinking are much easier as well. And less metal aftertaste.

Oddly, odor doesn't seem to be a problem. I expected to be swarmed, but that hasn't happened. (Though there has been a last minute look of shock on more than a few of them as I drive blade through skull, spear through throat, dagger through eye.) Strength is a little lower, but increase in agility more than compensates for that.

In a tunnel looking into the last chamber. Woman spread out on the floor, shaman crouched over her, humping her. Four others chattering in the guttural goblin tongue. Ever since the curse, I've found it increasingly easy to follow the language. Three are bewailing having to wait their turn, the fourth is laughing, saying that the Shaman's equipment is too small to do the job. None of them sense me in the shadows of the tunnel.

Could use a spear, but I want to try something new... I set two trip wires in the tunnel, then stand behind the second, pull out the short-bow, and ready the arrows. First shot goes to the front right goblin — in through an ear and well into the head. Twenty-three. Second shot goes to the back right goblin — same thing. Twenty-four. The remaining three begin to react — the left two are befuddled, looking around the cave chamber, but the half-undressed shaman jumps off the woman, looks in my direction, grabs his staff and begins to chant. Third arrow goes through his right eye and into his brain. Twenty-five. The left two grunts now see and charge at me. One in the lead goes down at the first trip wire, and the second gets an arrow right into his screaming mouth. Shift to sword. Finish the arrow-tongue-tied one with a slash across the throat, and then deliver downward thrust through the head of the one who had tripped. Twenty-seven.

I check the woman on the floor. Dazed, but blinking. "I'll be back." I tell her. As expected, a hidden room behind the shabby throne. Squeals like furious, begging pigs. Stab, stab, stab. No more squealing. That makes Thirty. And... There's that feeling again... No goblins left in the nest. Exactly as I had known when I entered the nest: twenty seven normal, three small, thirty total. Just like the countdown that I felt in the first nest. 

It's not just the new "goblin sense", it's hearing, eyesight, even smell (unfortunately). Bow work as well. Took me years to be that good with throwing knives, and I was never very good with bows. Yet now the bow work is shockingly accurate. Agility increase plus advice from Archer was useful, but still... It should have taken much more practice to be that good. ... The curse has some substantial advantages.

Back to the previous chamber. The woman is sitting up, hugging herself, still naked. She looks up at me.

"I killed all the goblins."

She blinks. Shock and horror fade, and relief begins to take its place. "Okay.... I'll get dressed."

I nod, and she gets up, goes to a pile of clothes thrown in a corner, and begins dressing. She doesn't ask me to turn around. ... I guess that makes sense now. I consider watching her — that might make her feel safer. But... I need to clean the nest. I search the trash piles around the room (nothing of note), and then retrieve the arrows and trip wires.

I offer to carry her out of the nest, but she declines. Tough woman. Traveling merchant? I ask. She confirms. She got caught two nights ago. She wonders if her partner had fallen asleep on his watch. Either way, he was dead by the time she woke, surrounded by goblins. When we reach outside, dawn has come. She turns to me, and gets a well-lit look at me for the first time... 

"What are you?" she asks in quiet shock.

Ahh... I hadn't expected to encounter anyone on these quests. "I'm... Not a goblin."

"I see." She blinks. But seems reassured. Maybe even amused? Perhaps my voice is a little less... intimidating than usual? Another benefit of the curse, I suppose.

We exchange a few more terse words. Short. To the point. Easy to talk to. Priestess and Archer would likely complain, I think with a smile, and the woman smiles back.

I ask my favor. She's puzzled, but agrees. I lead her to the nearest village, and watch from a distance to make sure that she arrives safely. Hmm... My ranged vision is better too — I can easily watch her from a good distance. This "curse" certainly has a lot of advantages. And one massive disadvantage.

The Farm

Friend and I  are leaning against a tree on the farm. Weary from the bow practice that followed the goblin hunting. ... I don't usually notice such things, but... the calm evening air is pleasant, relaxing. With my friend by my side, it feels like old times. I hear her turning to look at me, and turn to look in return. Ack! Stabbed one of my big ears into the rough bark of the tree.

"You'll have to be careful with those!" she says with a laugh.

"Hmm..." I answer as I massage the overly sensitive ear.

"So how did it go?" she asks. I tell her. She wants to know how I handled the curse, so my first explanation, "There were some goblins. I killed them." is declared 'insufficient' and I have to elaborate at length.

"It went pretty well then?" she asks. I grudgingly agree.

"The enchantment is wearing off, right?" she asks, and again I grudgingly confirm it. Friend is reminding me that I won't be able to rely on the necklace much longer. I reach up and finger it — the gem is cool. I feel a slight roughness to the gem's surface. Indeed it won't last much longer.

She looks  at me studiously... "You seem comfortable with it now." I don't say anything. Don't want to agree. But she's right. I've been going without the enchantment when alone, even when sleeping. And today proved that I can manage goblin hunting without it. It's become second nature. Much as I don't want to admit it.

"You'll have to reveal it soon. And don't even think about moving somewhere else! I'll follow you!"

No, I can't do that. That would be wrong for her and wrong for her uncle. 

"You know, you're quite attractive!" she teases with a smile. WHAT?? I look at her in shock, but she just laughs. Definitely don't want to think about that!

That night, I go to sleep thinking about what I'll have to do. In the morning, I get dressed and activate the enchantment on the necklace. Go on patrol around the farm and find... Goblin tracks. About twenty scouts.... A lot.

Years Ago, Arc Mage

The woman is shuffling, laying out cards as she often does. Though this time, as thanks for the two bottles of apple cider, she's foretelling my future. ... Over my objections. I don't want to hear what the gods have planned. I told her that, but she only absentmindedly answered, "Yes, yes. Self-fulfilling prophecy. But you're too smart... or rather too stubborn to fall for that. Don't worry about it. Just think of it as cautious preparation."

She finishes her setup. "Now (Flip!)... Yeah, expected that. Single-minded idiot. ... And (Flip!). Huh! Surprising. ... And (Flip!) Hah, hah, so you do learn eventually!! And surrounded by these... I'm almost jealous. Not bad, for a man with the personality of a block of wood! ... Next! (Flip!) Ogre? Another ogre?? A d...??? (She glances skeptically at me.) Unlikely. ... And (Flip!) Well, that can't be right. ...Hmm... (Flip!) No. just NO! That makes no sense at all! What is with these cards today? ... Okay, try this one (Flip!) WHAT??? The Verde?? But they're... "

She agilely jumps up from her worktable, dives into a pile of books, pulls one out, and begins flipping through the pages... "Final God War... The Verde... The Betrayers Curse... Ah, here we go, 'And so, after a thousand lifetimes, the Knight will...' But isn't the Knight supposed to be... Oh no. No! By the Gods! By the damned dice! NOW IT MAKES SENSE!." And then she points at me, and bursts out laughing "AHHH HAA HAA HAAA HAA!" This goes on for a while... Finally she settles down, then looks at the book again, points at me and... It's back to laughing her head off. ... Finally that tapers off, only for her to look at the cards again, and then... More pointing at me and laughing  her head off.

This woman. Exasperated, I wait for her fits to stop, but in the end, she sends me out the door and tells me to come back in a day. ... Same thing next day. And the day after that. After four days (and a bottle of cider for each day), she's lets me in.

A necklace: sturdy chain, vibrant blue amulet. She explains the enchantment. And... it's got to be the most pointless enchantment ever. If it's even real, because there's no way to tell other than a mild tingling. She warns me to save it for later — I'll know when. And briefs me on its supposed limitations. And warns me that, when I finally need to use it, I won't like it and will want another solution. Then she gets dead serious and sternly assures me that the necklace will be the only solution. And even it will be only temporary. I look her in the eye...

"Hey, I'm doing a huge favor for you! Only three other people could craft this necklace. And two of those would kill you on sight, and the other would just laugh you out the door!"

"Is that so?" I answer, but she just grins in reply. Still skeptical, I accept the necklace, and thank her. Then it's on to her next quest, another dungeon dive.

But, for the rest of the time I know her... She sometimes breaks into uproarious laughter while looking at me. Not a good sign... But I learn to ignore it.

The After Party

After the farm battle, we're at the guild hall and it's packed. Not even a year ago, Priestess joined me. Then Archer, Shaman and Monk. A real five man party. But this.. This was a fifty-five man party — a straight up raid. I offered everything I had, but all they asked for in return was 'pay for the drinks'. (Though the guild's "one gold per goblin" payout certainly helped too.)

I'm sitting in my usual spot, Priestess is next to me, and my friend — my first friend — is next to her. Priestess is so straightforward, so earnest. Yet tonight, she would have killed that goblin lord if I hadn't stepped in. I was afraid that such a direct kill would have put her crosswise with the Earth Mother. Better to play it safe. And I gave her the gold afterwards after all.

"Say, Goblin Slayer, sir..." Flushed from her ale, but she's got something on her mind... "I know it's a bit late, but... could I ask for a reward too?"

"What reward?" Hmm... What is this?

She breathed in and looked up at me, "Please let me see your face. Your real face."

Ahh... I pause. Look at Friend on the other side of Priestess. Friend gives me smile and an encouraging nod. Right. I can hardly turn down Priestess. And besides, enough hiding. I hear a distant snickering in my head. I know who it is. That annoying woman.

I sigh and put my hands on the helm, release the latches, take it off and rest it in my lap.

Priestess laughs quietly and nods, her cheeks a little red. "I think you look... even braver this way."

"You may change your mind in a moment." I reply, as I feel the necklace begin to heat up.

"No, I'm sure that I..." Priestess's assurance is interrupted by a scream piercing the air...

"Ahhhh!! Orcbolg, you took off your helmet?! No fair! I've never gotten a chance to see your face!" Archer's face is bright red, pointing a finger at me, as her ears tremble wildly.

""""What?! What did you say?!""" and suddenly, I'm the center of attention of the whole guild hall, sixty or so people looking at me in shock. They press in, eager to see. Shouts and murmurs rise up: "Wha-wha-whaa--?" "Amazing what an opportunity!" And "I'd expect no less from you Beard-cutter. You've got a good look about you." "Wait, that's Goblin Slayer's face?!" "Hey bring in the books we kept on those bets!" And "I thought he was a goblin himself..."

I hope they all got a good look, because with all those eyes on me, the necklace is not going to last much...

Bzzt... POP! With a snap and crackle of electricity, the gem on the necklace reaches its limit and shatters. A familiar wave of energy and distortion washes over me. I feel my body, face, hair, even armor and helmet shift. Well, that's done it.

Dead silence. I would say so silent that you could hear a pin drop, but... With all the arms and hands hitting tables, all the tankards, weapons and jaws hitting the floor, it's actually a bit noisy. Archer falls face first off the table she had been crouched on. Shaman next to her, catches her... Oh no he doesn't, seems he's too shocked to move. Lizard Priest is frozen, cheese dribbling from his hands. Even the ever so collected Witch — her long slim pipe tumbles from her hands as her mouth drops open. 

As for what they saw... The result of the ring's curse. My new body, no longer disguised by the necklace's counter-enchantment.... Young and female. Rather muscular for a woman, though about right for a female scout/warrior. A charming, calm face. Large, mesmerizing blue eyes. Lush brown hair tied up in a ponytail. Long elf-like ears. And finally the skin — smooth, hairless, and... medium-dark green, just like the color of a goblin — but with a smattering of freckles, and without a goblin's warts, pockmarks and scars.

I turn to look at Priestess. Huh. I didn't think that eyes could get that big. "Whaaa!!" she shrieks as her arms flutter wildly at her side. Thankfully, Friend is there to keep Priestess steady, with a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Without thinking, I reach out and pat Priestess on the head. "Sorry about this. I guess it's a bit of a shock."

I'm not sure, but her reply is something like, "Urr... Urggh... I don't... Whaaaaa...!!" All with her eyes spinning. Until she drops in a dead faint back into Friend's arms.

I look at Friend. She shrugs with a smile. In the background, I can hear continuing moans of shock, cries about my (apparently appealing) voice, a full set of six expensive glass tankards hitting the floor and shattering (Guild Girl), the rhythmic pounding of Spearman's head against his table as he mutters "No, no no!", and some cries and arguments about who won the betting pool after all.

"See, that wasn't so bad!" says Friend with a happy smile as she supports the unconscious Priestess.

"Is that so?" I reply.

The pandemonium did last for hours though.

After, After Party

Much later, we're in one of the guild rooms upstairs — just my party, some of the other silvers, and guild staff. Friend left earlier with Guild Girl and Spearman escorting them.

I breathe a quiet sigh of relief. It's good to be away from the crowd. The same questions over and over. "Yes, it's me." "No, I don't remember [some detail about yourself]." And "No I won't. And (technically), it's rude to ask." Doubt about my identity seemed to be running high until they started asking questions about goblins. At which point, "Yep, that's him!" became the general consensus.

It's not like I can blame them... And it's not like I could hide it... My armor... Definitely a different shape... Especially the chest, but... the rest as well. With this armor and the way this body moves, no one will mistake me for a man now. Skin... Oddly, I've grown to like the green color, though I miss the scars (old ones are gone, and no new ones are forming — wounds heal up without leaving any). Hair... I gave up trying to cut it — it just grows back almost immediately. Face... not that I spent much time looking into mirrors, but seeing such a totally alien face looking back from a mirror... It's only recently that it began to feel "normal". No, I'm not even a bit like my old self. So, no, I can't blame everyone else for being shocked over this. 

I shake my head. Enough of that. Back to fielding questions. I've explained some of it, but they want me to fill in the gaps.

The enchantment? "To transform me into myself. Totally pointless until this happened." Goodbye crutch. And yes, thank you mage, it helped a lot. (I feel a distant smirk. Annoying woman.)

The ring? "Yes, I can take if off. Makes no difference." I take it off and show it to them. No change in myself of course — seems that it was a one use item. Archer gestures for a closer look and I hand it to her with the warning that I want it back.

When? "About three months ago. Found it in a goblin trove in an ancient ruin. Next morning, when I woke up, it was on my finger and I was fully transformed. ... No, I didn't put it on myself. I don't know how it got onto my finger."

Follow up... "Yes, when I was 'ill' for a week. I remembered the necklace quickly, but... The changes took some getting used to."

That question again, "No, Not a goblin. Though... There seems to be some relationship." I explain about the 'goblin sense', and the reaction of some goblins to (very briefly) meeting my new self.

Archer: "I still can't..." She sighs and looks at me with weary disbelief. "My family back home is going to lose it when I tell them about this."

She continues... "Fine, fine, I'll tell you! ... No, it's not a curse. And no, you're not a goblin. ... You're an elf.... A Verde Elf. This ring, this script, it's High Verde. And this ring belongs to someone in particular." She holds up the ring, its green gem glinting in the candlelight.

Hmm... 'Verde' doesn't ring a bell, but with the long ears, heightened senses, plus agility and bow expertise, I already suspected 'Elf'.

Witch adds, "I was... thinking that. But... Verde Elves are... long gone... are they not?"

Priestess, "But... But... Isn't this the story you told at the campfire?!"

Archer, "Yes, it's that ring. Which means that Orcbolg is probably..."

Shaman, "Oh damn! So much for the simple life boyo!"

Months Ago, Tales Around a Campfire

"Heh! He's asleep!" laughs Archer as she taps Goblin Slayer's helm.

"Hah! Held it pretty well, but that was lot of fire wine for a human!" adds Shaman.

"I can't believe he fell asleep. He never completely sleeps on a quest!" says the surprised, but drowsy Priestess.

Amusement had, the four go back to their tales...

"My esteemed colleagues, what do you think of Sir Goblin Slayer's goblin story?" asks Monk.

The others begin to comment, only to be interrupted by Archer. "Ah, that's not the real story."

An, "Oh ho, ho?" or two gets Archer to talking.

"Did you know that goblins didn't appear until after the Last God War?" asks Archer, only to be answered with three shaking heads.

"And have you heard of the Verde Elves?" Priestess and Shaman demur, but Monk responds, "Killed off in The Last God War, weren't they?

"Yes. And no. Originally on the side of Order, the Verde betrayed Order, and switched to Chaos. The war was almost lost because of that, but Order won in the end. For their betrayal, the Verde were cursed to devolve into wretched hateful creatures, and exiled to the green moon. Since then, they have been used as agents of Chaos, transported though portals back to the world, where they do the usual goblin things."

"So Sir Slayer was right about the green moon, then." said Monk.

"Even wives' tales have truths in them." propounded Shaman.

"But... They've all been cursed ever since then?" asks Priestess, "I can't believe that Earth Mother would allow such eternal torment!"

"And it seems unlikely that all were evil," added Monk, "Even Dark Elves and other Chaos races have their exceptions."

"Yes, some of Verde rejected the betrayal, and continued the fight against their brethren and the forces of Chaos. In then end, they sacrificed themselves in a bargain with the gods to stop the Chaos Verde, and earn an eventual reprieve."

"A reprieve?" asked priestess with hope shining in her eyes. She had prayed for so many dead goblins! If only that could end....

"According to my grandfather who witnessed the contract... The leader of the Order Verde was the tenth daughter of the Verde Royal Family. She fought as a Knight before the betrayal, then as general during the War, and finally, she was the one who proposed the sacrifice. As part of the contract, she and the rest of the Order Verde sacrificed even their own selves, to be reborn as loathsome goblins themselves..."

"Sounds like a bunch of hooey to me. Pretentious, epic loving elves!" grumbled Shaman, "Ah... But how about the reprieve? "

"After thousands of lifetimes, the Verde Princess Knight will be reborn free of the curse. She'll wreck havoc on the goblins, until they too are reborn as Verde elves, and the Verde return to live as themselves again." says Archer with a starry eyed, adventure loving smile.

"Well wrecking havoc on the goblins will sit just fine with Beard Cutter!"

"That's true!" joined in Priestess. "Oh, but how would we know when this happens?"

"Verde Elves would be easy to spot. Much like other elves, but with green skin. Hmm... And the Princess Knight will be wearing the Royal Verde House Ring."

"Hmm... Better not tell sir Beard Cutter about this. I think it would just annoy him."

"Yes. Though I wonder what he would say if he met the Verde Princess?" wondered Priestess.

"Hopefully, 'Not a Goblin!'" opined Shaman, and the rest joined in quiet laughter.

After, After Party Again

"I see." I say as Archer finishes her story. Seems complicated. And now I fully understand that annoying woman's laughter.

I look around. Archer has that 'adventure!' sparkle to her eyes. Shaman and Monk both look amused. Priestess' eyes are huge again. She keeps looking at me, blushing then looking away. Heavy Warrior is passed out on the table thanks to some heavy drinking. Witch and Female Knight also have amused looks. Guild Master has his hand to one side of his head, and an "It's all beyond me!" expression on his face. People looking at me in the face — in the eyes — it's disturbing. It seems that my treasured semi-anonymity is thoroughly destroyed.

"'I see!' Arrghhh!! STILL!" At least Archer is her usual self. A sigh, and then, "Well, what are you going to do now?"

I think for a moment, but the answer is simple.

"Nothing changes. I'll still kill all the goblins."

Priestess giggles a little strangely as she drops her head to the table. "You're still the same! Totally hopeless!"

Archer and the others echo her, and I realize... I really put her through a lot, don't I? I reach over and gently brush her hair with my now green hand. She looks up, surprised. I feel a small smile coming to my lips. I'm quite fond of you, you know? The thought feels a bit alien, but also not.

Huh... Why is everyone looking at me so strangely?

Extras

• Inspiration Image: https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/71395878
• The favor at the end of part one: Just to keep quiet about "Not a Goblin" Girl being there and saving the merchant.
• The necklace's "useless" enchantment: To transform GS into his own (male) self. The transformation is physical, not just an illusion, and transforms armor as well as body.
• The necklace's power is drained by people closely observing GS, so having a ton of people stare at him at once with fascination, finished off it's already low charge.

Chapter Text

The smell of earth and wheat are strong in the air as a cool, damp, post-rain wind blows from the east. Traffic on the road is light, and Priestess and I ride in relative quiet along the graveled roadway. Three hours of quiet ride ahead of us. I let out a small sigh of relief.

I was not prepared... I had thought that best approach was to get it over with quickly. Show up without helmet, let them get it out of their system. But... Just riding into town, I got double take after double take; people looking at me in complete puzzlement (elves are rare enough — but a green elf? nonexistent!); and, of course, men checking me out with more than a few wolf-whistles and rude suggestions.

And the Guild Hall? Raucous. Immediately mobbed as soon as I walked through the door. "Whoaah! It's true!" "Hahaha... I thought I was drunk and dreaming..." "Hey babe, want to go on an adventure with me?" "Yeah, no way that's him." I tried to answer everyone, but there was no end.

Then I got "rescued" by Female Knight who cracked some skulls until everyone else backed off. Well, almost everyone... Witch sauntered over and joined us, and they kept me pinned down with question after question. Then I was rescued from that by Priestess showing up with a goblin quest that she had nabbed ("It's the only one. I'm going with you."). A few minutes later and we were mounted and riding out of town.

"Hee hee. You look so relieved!" I turn to see Priestess laughing as she rides next to me. "And your ears! They're even funnier than Archers!"

Sigh. Farm Friend tells me that my ears are even more expressive than my new face. Something else to adapt to. I wonder... Is it possible to have stoic elf ears? Archer certainly doesn't seem to. I let out a small, unladylike grunt.

"It was a bit much." I respond, and she giggles. I notice a faint scent of soap coming from her. There's a little smile and a little wariness. A little doubt that I'm me, I think. She was a bit adamant about getting us out and on the road though. It seems that we both want to see how we handle our usual duo team with my new situation.

"Waah! You're smiling again! Wait! How long have you been doing that??" Guess I can't hide my small expressions behind the helmet anymore.

"I'm smiling? I see. I'll try to be more careful."

"Whaaattt? Now you're teasing me??" I turn and give her a cool look in response."Eeep! Now your eyes are getting to me! Hmm..." Farm Friend has commented on my new eyes too. Apparently pretty striking... Though truthfully, we both thought that my old silver-grey eyes were better.

I assure Priestess (somewhat untruthfully) that I'm not teasing her, and point out that her eyes are blue too, so blue eyes shouldn't bother her that much. But she looks dubious.

"Hmmphhh... I went to all that trouble to ask you to remove your helm last night. And now, you're not wearing it at all! Or your gloves! And I barely saw your old face!" Now, she looks disgruntled.

"Sorry." I apologize and explain, "They feel too stuffy now if I wear them for too long." I reflect on my new sensitivity. Like my noticing the feel of the breeze, the crunch of the gravel under the horses' hooves, the smell of our bodies, clothes, armor. The odors in Guild Hall has been almost as raucous as the questions and interrogation. And actually... The rest of the armor is stifling too. I call a stop, remove and store the heavier armor pieces, then get back in the saddle and continue.

"Now you don't look like Sir Goblin Slayer at all." I glance over; she said it in jest, but she also looks a little unhappy. It's a lot to take in at once — as I know all too well.

"Sorry." I apologize again. "I talked with Archer about it last night. Apparently, elves have difficulty wearing too much for too long. It feels like... I'm being smothered. Like my body is just itching for fresh air."

"No, no! I'm sorry I said that!" she apologizes, but I wave it off. After two months, I'm used to it. Right now, it's tougher for her than it is for me.

I shift the conversation to combat — the two of us will also have to adjust our coordination. She switches to her serious mode, and notes my slightly smaller height and narrower shoulders. That leads to discussion about body blocking (I won't be able to shield her as much), then onto changes in my strength and agility, etc. The idea of a little testing/training before the quest arises, and I remember an abandoned goblin nest a little before the first quest village that we can use for that.

The rest of the three hour journey is a mix of: review of past encounters (I think she is testing me a bit); personal questions about the changes ("Yes, it's fine. Go ahead and ask."); Priestess humming songs and prayers from the Temple of the Earth Mother; and stretches of silence. The music... My new ears catch subtleties in Priestess' voice that I hadn't noticed before. An impulse to join in her singing arises, but I quickly quash it with a shiver — there's only so much that a man can take.

The abandoned goblin nest is just as I remembered it, and our brief co-op training there goes well and quickly. Afterwards, we ride to the quest village. Quest contact is a farmhouse just south of the village. Middle aged farmer with a teenage son looking on. Make that looking on with a very intent gaze. At least the son is not so forward as to start making suggestions — unlike last night's drunken fellow adventurers.

We get the summary: footprints, stolen livestock, a few sightings at night. No missing women — though a traveling relative failed to appear when expected. It's been going on at a small scale for several months. Bad sign — could be a more disciplined, cautious leader, building up his forces.

Farmer sends us off with his son to where the tracks were spotted. But it turns out that Farmer's Son knows more than that. He and his friends followed the tracks back to a cave in the hills. They got close enough to see a goblin guard at the entrance, and then wisely backed off. We leave our horses behind and let the boy lead us within sight.

"I see it." Entrance under an overhang, one guard back in the shadows. The boy looks at me skeptically. We're still a good distance away, and the shadows are dark. Ah, right... "Advantage of being an elf." I explain.

"Huh. I was expecting that Goblin Slayer fella. But I guess you'll do." Farmer's Son comments as he glances between me and Priestess. I'm now wearing my full armor plus bow, sword and pack. Priestess is in serious mode — neutral expression, Earth Armor active, mace and pack equipped. It seems that we present a different picture than we did back at the farmhouse.

I tell the boy to stay back, and then Priestess and I advance forward under the cover of trees. Earth Armor's camouflage effect helps to keep Priestess hidden as she cautiously follows me. Once within safe range and with a clear view, I pull the bow and take my shot. The guard goes down without ever seeing us.

"Oh! You really can!" Priestess says admiring my shot.

"I don't think Archer would be impressed though." I counter. I'm nowhere near Archer's range or expertise, and lack even a smidge of her trick shottiness. Priestess giggles quietly in reply, a little of her normal self poking through her serious mode.

We rush the remaining entrance to the cave, stop under the overhang, and let our eyes adjust as we double check the guard. (One.) "Glow" chants priestess, and a soft glow springs up around us. I take a moment to gut the guard and douse Priestess' vestments with the offal. She thanks me with only a slight grimace. ... I really have ruined her... Or so Mother Superior would say. Sister Claw would probably tell her "Stop grimacing already!" I smile slightly at the thought.

We creep into the cave as we check for traps. Both hearing and my goblin-sense indicate no additional goblins in immediate vicinity. I quiz Priestess on her evaluation.

"Full regular nest." she says. We've already seen the remains of livestock and forest beasts pushed into the corners of the cave. What bones are left are cracked and drained. "No totems yet. But there were hob-sized prints outside, and that passage looks widened." She means widened for a hob. Good, that's my assessment as well. I mention the read from my goblin-sense to her, but warn her not to trust it yet.

"That's very handy though," she says calmly. Then "Armor" and "Glow" as she refreshes her cantrips. And with that, we begin our investigation of the nest. The camouflage aspect of Armor has adapted to the cave — if Priestess crouched and stayed still, she would be hard to spot. Glow's effect normally spreads out for about thirty feet, but with my eyesight now, it's effectively more like sixty feet. My hearing range is erratic, but goes beyond that. As we explore the system, Priestess chalks direction and count in prominent spots using standard adventurer's code.

The next guard we encounter goes down to a bow shot at fifty feet in the middle of a yawn. (Two) Priestess prays quickly over this one as she did for the guard at the entrance. Then we drag the guard to the edge of the room and continue.

Bad luck. Next is a group of four that appears around a corner with no chance for me to use the bow. Two with spears, one with hatchet, one with a club. Thrown knife goes to the throat of one spear-goblin (three), then duck and grab the other in mid spear-thrust and pull and swing him at the other two. Except axe-goblin has gotten distracted. "Human. Woman. Take!" or something like that. (Should I feel slighted here?) After his inadvertent dodge of my attack, axe-goblin heads for Priestess. But my hands are full. Left hand still on the spear, I use the right hand to pull the sword and slash club-goblin's throat open in a spray of blood (Four).

"Sand!" A hiss. Priestess' third cantrip. Thud! Crunch. Slush. Gurgle. "Five." she says calmly. No need to look. Priestess' strength is not great, but it's good enough — a couple of hits with that mace on a goblin blinded by Sand does the job. So... Drop sword. Grab spear with both hands. Yank. All mine now. Reverse and thrust. He turns to run, but too late. The spear pierces the weak spot in the back of the skull, rips through the soft mush of his brain, then bursts out through his face. (Six.)

I look back to find Priestess dragging her kill to add to the pile at my feet. Easier to pray for all four at once I suppose. As she does so, I note the smear of blood on mace. Sister Claw would approve.

More exploration. A left branch leads to a mid-sized dormitory chamber. Glow reveals sixteen goblins — all fast asleep. Priestess pulls three special daggers from her pack, hands them to me, then stands at the edge of the chamber, mace raised and ready to cast a miracle. That turns out to be unnecessary — I'm able to use the daggers on the weak points and take out each sleeper without waking the rest. (Twenty-two.) I wipe off the daggers and return them to Priestess. Those three are blunted now. Six fresh daggers left.

Priestess prays again as I check the room. A pouch of coins. Other than that, just junk weapons and shreds of clothes and hides. Nothing worth keeping.

No other exits from the chamber, so we backtrack and follow the main tunnel again. Another passage to the left leading to another mid-sized dormitory. It's the same as the last until one goblin wakes and sees me in the middle of kill number twenty-five. He starts to yell. Not enough time to stop him, so I dodge back to Priestess, as she begins her chant. "Holy Light!" flares out from her raised mace. The light is opponent focused — blinding to them, but relatively weak to herself and her allies (me). And because she first drew their attention with her chant and the rising glow of the weapon, all twelve goblins are stumbling around and screaming, stunned and blinded.

I use the three daggers at hand in three quick kills, targeting whatever is handy: eyes, throat, back of head. (Twenty-eight) Then three more in a similar way. (Thirty-one.) Remaining six are starting to recover as Holy Light dims. They react with guttural cheers to the fading light and begin to charge at me, now again with my back to Priestess. Their mistake — she lulled them by letting Holy Light fade — it flares up again in a flash as she again pours will back into it, and the remaining six are blinded again. As they swing wildly, I use a nearby spear to quickly take out three of them. (Thirty-four.) One of the remaining three tries to escape by stumbling towards the exit, but in doing so presents his back to Priestess. Fatal error. One hit with the mace drops him to the floor. Another hit and the flanged head splits open his skull. Meanwhile, one of the two near me slashes the other with his wild swings. With the two of them distracted, I finish one off with a dagger to the back of the head, and the other with a sword slash across the throat. (Thirty-seven.)

I take a minute to get my breathing back under control and down a stamina potion. Priestess slumps back against the wall and rests as well. Prolonging the miracle on top of keeping Armor and Glow up took a bit out of her too. Goblin-sense says no goblins are nearby. I listen but don't hear much — maybe some distant sleeping sounds. Seems the ruckus did not bring any further attention. Good. Cleanup and prayer again. No useful loot this time.

Again, no other exit from the chamber. We backtrack and continue down the main tunnel. Glow finds a larger chamber ahead, and we move forward cautiously. Surprisingly, the surfaces of this chamber have been cleaned and dressed. Something like an altar, torch sconces, some rods with tattered drapery. But whoever's lair this was, that was centuries ago. Now, it's just another goblin nest. On the left, two hobs are sleeping — one of them is quite large and fit for a hob — probably evolving to a champion. A two handed axe lies next to him. (Might be one handed for him.) No weapon is visible on the other hob. Might be hidden near him — but he has the calluses and physique of an unarmed fighter. There's another room to the right of the main room. Goblin-sense is telling me two large, one normal and several small nearby. Elf ears give me a little more info. Hmmm...

I gesture silently to Priestess and we pull back out of earshot. A minute later we return, plan in place — only to have it immediately ruined as a goblin exits the right room and starts heading in our direction. A guard? Just taking a piss? Doesn't matter. He stumbles sleepily into the tunnel as we retreat back to two nooks facing each other in the tunnel. Sure enough, he soon stumbles past us. I step out from behind and hammer him with the pommel of the sword then crush his throat with my boot after he falls to the floor. (Thirty-Eight.) Another quick prayer.

Back to the dressed stone chamber. Ah... trouble. The two hobs are awake. The large hob has taken a position at the back, the smaller one is in front and coming at me. Yep, looks like a grappler. But he's just a distraction, the one in back raises his axe and pushes off the back wall at the same time. Except... "Protection!" He smashes into Protection's wall before he has a chance to build any real momentum. I dive/slide past the grappler on his right, trying for a slash on his right Achilles tendon. He quickly turns, evading my attack, but... "Sand!" Priestess dodges in and out behind him casting Sand when she's closest to him. His hands flail trying to wipe away the sand, but it's not use. I stay low, deliver cuts to his knees, then a dagger into his left eye. Then, slip to his left side, kick his knees out. He tumbles over and tries to save himself with his arms, but I jump on his back and slam him face first into the floor, driving the dagger into his brain. (Thirty-nine.)

Only the large hob left. Priestess is looking a little stressed, but okay. I've got a moment to think. How to handle him? Bow? With warning, he'll shield his face and throat. Other targets are less certain kills. Holy Light? Hold as backup, I think. Sand? Priestess would have to get too close and he's seen it once. Maybe something more direct? I make the decision and instruct Prietess.

"Now." The barrier in front of him drops, and I snap fire a shot from the bow. He deflects it with an arm, and then runs to the right room — only to slam into Protection again — instead of dropping it completely, Priestess had moved it to cover the right room doorway. Contingency plan win. A second shot from the bow pierces his right wrist. Axe drops from that hand, but he reaches to picks it up with his left hand. Too slow. By that time, I've dashed in and sliced the back of his right knee. He folds. Another slash to back of the left knee. He's now fallen to his knees against Protection, back to me, almost helpless. Slash his right and left elbows. He flails his crippled body as he tumbles over, but I dodge that. I finish him off with a thrust through the back left side of his chest. A fountain of blood surges up from his pierced heart. (Forty.)

We head into the next room. Dressed stone, like the main chamber. We're cautious, but it's as I expected... Three women captives bound to straw beds — or rather two captives, one corpse. Seven goblin children caged in an old iron barred cell. Three are infants. The other four are about half-height, so probably about three months old, and likely were about to be tested and released. Those four go into a frenzy as we enter the room.

The women. Both naked. One, staring blankly into space, looks about twenty. The other is about thirty and is wide awake — even has a big grin for us. Priestess goes to cut the two of them lose.

"How many did you get?" the older one asks in a raspy voice. "Forty. Just these left." She nods and I move towards the cell, but the woman interrupts me. "Wait... I'll do it." That raspy voice and a smile now fierce. Hmm... Tough woman.

I offer her the knife, but she grabs a club off the floor instead. I unlock the cell, and Priestess and I stand ready to provide backup, but that's unnecessary. There's nothing even remotely resembling mercy in her attack on the children. And in the end, she spits on their smashed and splattered corpses. Priestess watches with a bit of shock, but says nothing. (Forty-seven.)

"Got any Bourdicax?" Another surprise. Priestess nods, digs two doses out of her pack, and hands them to the woman. She promptly downs one then hands the other to the younger woman. "Drink." The younger woman looks blankly at the older, blinks, then downs her dose.

Priestess starts to caution the woman about the timing of Bourdicax, but the woman waves her off. "Yes, yes dearie, I know. Been a midwife for fifteen years. I've dealt with the aftermath of goblins too many times before. And promptly saw those little bastards out of the world too!" she adds with a hearty laugh.

Priestess begins her prayers. First the deceased woman, then the children, then the two hobs in the other room. Meanwhile, Midwife and I look around and find some jumbled clothes in a battered bin that once might have been an ornate chest. Midwife and the younger woman ("my niece") get dressed. (Again with not asking me to turn around. Am I going to have to turn around for men now? ... Yeah, obviously. Sigh.) Priestess gets back in time to witness the situation and stifle a laugh at me. ... Rude.

"That was your Protection, wasn't it, dearie?" Midwife asks with a grin. Priestess nods. "Oh, you two gave us quite the show! Seeing that bastard running smack into your Protection, and then watching his expression as Miss Elf cut him down! Ah hah hah hah! Glorious! And Miss Elf taking that other one down too! That final face-dagger smash! Ahhh... So sweet! I'm going to be telling this story for years!"

Miss Elf? Sigh. Another thing to get used to.

Midwife takes a good look at Priestess, clearly noting the bloody mace handing from her belt. "And was that a 'Sand' I heard earlier?" Priestess nods in response. "Path of the Claw, dearie? But you prayed for their souls afterwards?" Midwife seems surprised.

"I follow both Claw and Healing." replies Priestess. "You know Claw though?" She's surprised — as am I. Priestess' mentor, Sister Claw, is the only other practitioner of Path of the Claw that I've met. She and Priestess' other mentor, Mother Superior (Path of Healing) don't get along very well.

"I was an orphan in the Temple too. Took a pass on the priesthood though. Liked the boys too much for that!" again with a hearty laughter.

"I see..." says Priestess with a blush.

Midwife laughs, and tells Niece, "Come on, girlie! We're getting out of this hellhole!" The girl's eyes unglaze slightly, and look at the woman, "Yes, auntie." The two are in amazingly good shape. I quiz Midwife about it as we begin to make our way out. She has some tips, but says that it's mostly luck — the hob leader was smart enough to not abuse the livestock.

As we continue on our way, Priestess asks Midwife about working with women impregnated with goblin babies, and Midwife calmly relays her expertise, along with occasional crude jests about the various goblin corpses that we encounter. She also laments that she wasn't rescued by that "Goblin Slayer" fellow, and launches into long, detailed descriptions of what she would have "Goblin Slayer" do to her, and what she would do to him in return. Priestess gets completely flustered and tries to derail her, but Midwife is on a roll. She really could give the crudest drunken adventurer at the guild a run for their money.

When we exit the nest, it's mid-afternoon. Farmer's Son runs up to meet us along with three of his friends. ("Whoahh, look at the blood on them!" "Is that an elf??" "Auntie??" "By the Dice! I'm in love!" "That's a female goblin, you idiot!" "No way! It's an Elf!" "Goblin!" "Elf!" Etc.).

One of the boys (nephew ("on the other side") of Niece) volunteers to lead Midwife and Niece back to the farm, while Farmer's Son and the other two accompany us back into the nest to retrieve the remaining corpse. ("Where's this light coming from?" "Oh cool!" "Whooaa, gross." "Ohhh... Goblins get that big??" (Shocked.) "Yes, ma'am, understood." (Had them carry the corpse on a makeshift stretcher.) "Not laughing at goblins anymore." "Yeah, me neither." "Are all adventurers like this?" "Priestess kind of badass!" (Whispered.) "Shh, idiot!") Not bad kids. And a little less naive about goblins now. Good.

Back to the farmhouse. Midwife and Niece are there, and Niece has recovered somewhat. Priestess checks with Midwife again about the Bourdicax — it should hit them around the middle of the night; but Midwife assures Priestess again that she knows how to handle it. (And clearly she'll have no problem dealing with what comes out.) Farmer can read and write a little, so he writes a confirmatory note for the Guild. Meanwhile, I've cleaned and stowed my armor, and Priestess has given her clothing an first-pass cleansing. We have to give up the coin purse — turns out it belongs to Midwife — though she gives us a substantial finder's fee from it.

With everything settled, Priestess and I mount up. But as we begin to pull away... "Oh hey dearies, I forgot to get your names!"

Priestess gives hers, but for me... "They call me Goblin Slayer." I say with a small smile. First time I see Midwife stunned. She turns to Priestess, but Priestess just gives a smile and a nod.

"Ah, forget what I said then dearie! Girls aren't my thing! Ah ha ha ha hah!" she says with her usual raucous laughter as we ride away. Priestess holds it in for a minute, but then she is doubling over, nearly falling out of her saddle with laughter. It' a good five minutes before she finally calms down.

Late afternoon. Still a breeze from the east. The feel of rain has faded, but the smell of earth and wheat remain. My skin, freed from the confines of armor, feels refreshed. ... Nest cleared. Two women saved and in surprisingly good shape. Not bad. And Priestess and I...

I turn to Priestess. She looks pensive. Our minds are on the same thing. Pause. "What do you think?" I ask.

She looks back, a little somber. Long pause as she watches me. Finally, "I know it's you now. ... But it's... different."

Pause. "Do you want a break? I know it's not easy..." I don't want to suggest it, but...

No pause at all. "I'm coming with you." She says it with cool determination. And then breaks out in her usual happy smile. "You'd be so helpless without me anyway!"

"I see. ... Good." I say it with a neutral face, but feel myself relax and smile as I turn back to the front. I close my eyes and feel the late afternoon sun and cool earthen breeze on my green skin.

My comrade is still with me. This is good.

The ride back to town is long, but pleasant. Not quite the same as usual, but close enough.

Chapter Text

It's night, and Archer and Priestess are walking to the Temple of the Earth Mother. Low scudding clouds drift to the west, lit by the red and green moons. All but the taverns are closed, and half the homes they walk past are unlit — early risers already early to bed. Sounds are muted, just the two women's voices and the low clop, clop of the horse that follows behind them.

"That midwife sounded pretty wild! Hah hah! And Orcbolg really said, 'They call me Goblin Slayer!'? That's hilarious!"

"I was laughed so hard that my cheeks started hurting!" Priestess starts giggling again, then stops to massage her cheeks as Archer laughs alongside her.

After the giggling dies down, Archer turns more serious, "All day with her... What do you think?"

Priestess looks at Archer, is silent for a moment, and then, "She asked that too."

Priestess pauses again and then continues, "It's still so unreal.... When I woke up this morning, I thought, It must have been a dream! But then I go to the Guild Hall, and there she was sitting in his usual spot. And then I was thinking, 'Waaah! This elf woman can't be possibly be Sir Goblin Slayer!'"

Priestess laughs, but then turns serious again, "But after today... It's her. She's him, I mean. So unreal, but she really is Sir Goblin Slayer. Err... Miss Goblin Slayer."

"I hear you... I'm still keep thinking that it's got to be an elaborate prank by that annoying Dwarf!" groans Archer. Then, more seriously, "But okay... What convinced you?"

Priestess thinks about it for a minute. "A lot of little things... The things she knows. The way she thinks. The way she pets her horse. The way she looks at me... Even with that face and those piercing eyes... The way she looks at me is exactly the way Sir Goblin Slayer looked... Like she's studying me and what I'm saying, and then thinking about it carefully."

"Oh yeah, I know what you mean." says Archer remembering quite a few exchanges with Orcbolg.

"Her voice is different, but she uses it the same way as him — succinctly! ... Hmm... She moves a bit differently — more like a rogue — I can see the 'elf' side. But the way she explores a nest; the way she instantly evaluates a room of goblins and makes her choice. ... When we were in the goblin nest today, we hardly had to talk. I knew what she would do, and she knew what I would do. It's just like it was with Sir Goblin Slayer."

Archer looks at Priestess speculatively, "I still kind of wonder how the two of you manage when you're alone! Don't you have to fight a bit differently, when goblins might sneak up from behind?"

"Oh, it's not that different! Still goblin guts, casting Glow and having my miracles ready if needed." replies Priestess with a smile.

"Hmm... I see. Hey! How about the red eye! I'm going to miss that! It was pretty cool!"

"Oh! She still does that! When she gets really serious in combat, then... THE GLOWING RED EYE OF DOOM!!!" Priestess says in a deep voice full of mock dread, and Archer laughs in return.

Priestess relaxes. "It's... comforting. His torch and that eye was the first thing I saw when... we first met." Priestess is smiling fondly now. "That red eye... It means safety. That someone is coming for me. Seeing her with it — I think that's when I knew all the way down, without any doubt, that she was him."

Archer watches Priestess as her friend explains her certainty. But... Thinking of the red eye, Archer remembers something she had forgotten... On one of their goblin hunts with Orcbolg... Archer, with an exhausted Priestess behind her, got swarmed by four goblins. Overwhelmed, using her bow as a shield in one hand, and a dagger in other, when suddenly there had been a Crunch! and one goblin dropped. Then a second later, another Crunch! and another goblin dropped. It was only a brief glance in an ongoing mess of a fight, but she thought she saw Priestess, fierce and dark, one eye glowing red, staff raised above two goblins at her feet. Afterwards Archer forgot about it — it was just too anomalous. But now Archer wonders... Could that have been real? Is that what Priestess is like when she's alone with Orcbolg?

"Huh? What?" Priestess is looking back at Archer with a surprised and embarrassed look in response to the intense look that Archer had suddenly directed at her.

"Hah! Never mind! Just an odd thought!" Archer says, brushing it off. "Hey! How about the smell, though?!"

Priestess opens her eyes wide, blinks, and then covers her mount in embarrassment. "Oh goddess... Sooo much better! I tried to hint about it to him sooo many times! And now..."

Archer laughs in response, "I know! It's actually nice now! Kind of like... nutmeg? It's weirdly like goblins isn't it?"

"Yes! How can something that smells like goblins smell good!"

"Hmm... I guess it's more that she smells like a Verde Elf. And goblins smell like corrupted Verde Elves that roll around in excrement and never clean themselves! Ughh!"

"Oh! I guess so! ... That must be why she doesn't have to douse herself with goblin guts."

"WHAATTTT!!! Nooooo!!! That's not fair!!!" responds Archer with a wail, as Priestess giggles in response.

Some time has passed and Archer's wailing and Priestess' giggling have both died down. Elf, girl and horse walk on through quiet streets.

"So... If she's the same, and the quest went well, why are you so upset?"

Priestess is surprised, then uncomfortable. Her facade of cheerfulness fades as she looks away.

"She's the same. But not the same. I mean... It's "she" now isn't it? Not "he". Sir Goblin Slayer is gone."

"It's like he is dead, isn't it?" replies Archer, looking down.

"Yes." Priestess continues looking away, quietly somber.

"I was chatting with a friend on forest patrol once. When he didn't reply to my latest joke, I looked over... Found him a few yards back with a crossbow bolt through his head. A magic assassination technique — I never heard a thing. Later, I learned that he was the target of some dwarf's vendetta. Chatting one moment, gone the next with no warning."

Archer continues, "Orcbolg is... was such a total man. Irritating. Thick as a brick at times. But definitely a man. The sort of man that you would get annoyed with, and yet know that he was absolutely, completely reliable. Not a showboat like Spearman. Not a pile of muscle like Heavy Warrior. But... totally reliable. ... If I was stuck in some hellhole, and had to pick the man to come save me... I would have picked Orcbolg." Archer says it seriously but then adds with a laugh, "And then complained about it afterwards!"

Then seriously again, "We haven't lost Orcbolg. But we have lost the him part of Orcbolg. Even if she's otherwise completely Orcbolg... that part of Orcbolg is gone. Like my old friend, dead in an instant, before we even knew it."

"Yes," says Priestess mournfully, "Exactly."

"We should have a wake!" a sudden laugh from Archer.

"Huh?"

"Yeah! Just us four — Orcbolg not invited! Although... maybe Guild Girl? Or better yet, make it open for everyone at the guild (except Orcbolg)? Hmm..."

"I can't believe you..." says Priestess with a groan and a hand over her face.

It's night and Archer is walking alone back to her inn. Streets are a little quieter, taverns a bit noisier, night breezes a bit cooler. Archer pulls her cloak closer.

Priestess should be okay. Archer had insisted that she find someone to stay with her that night ("Or else I will!"), so Priestess had found and introduced a friend to Archer — an exotic, dark skinned woman, with luxurious black hair, who went by "Sister Grape". Archer hardly had to explain before Sister Grape understood. ("You're sleeping with me tonight, just like old times!" "Waaahh!" "Nope, no complaining, no whining! You're staying with me!"). The three said their farewells, with Archer and Sister Grape whispering "Thank you!" to each other as Archer departed. Archer smiled at the memory of the big sister/little sister vibe the two had.

Archer remembers... She's had many, many losses in her long life. And she's had friends who have lost something essential: the mate of a lifetime, a brain or body injury never fully recovered from. In a sense, Orcbolg is getting off light. But still... the old male Orcbolg is gone, lost. Archer knows that she'll be feeling that loss for a while.

But at the same time... By the great tree! A brand new, baby elf! A Verde Elf! This is going to be amazing! It's been a long time since Archer last trained young elves, but already she's planning ahead... Start with the ears... So clumsy! Then, hearing and agility. The art of longevity too — it's not just a matter of staying healthy and not aging — there are lessons that the elves never share with the ephemerals. Has Orcbolg even considered how long she'll live now?

Archer smiles at the thought of her newest adventure and a speeds up to an easy jog through the town's streets. The day had been all talk, not enough exercise, and she still has the wake and training to plan... Things are going to be interesting for quite a while!

Back at the temple, a dark haired sister comforts her quietly sobbing light haired little sister. It will be a long night for the two of them, but in the morning, the dark haired sister will resume her work in the vineyards, and the light haired sister will do her usual morning training, and then head to the Guild Hall with her usual, slightly worried smile.

Chapter Text

"What is the world is Anvil doing to poor Beard Cutter, now?" Shaman, Monk and Priestess are relaxing with ales, cheese, etc. after a quest with Witch and Spearman to ruins infested with corrupted beasts. They're watching as Goblin Slayer and Archer are playing some sort of tag game with their ears.

"Who are you calling Anvil, you Beer Barrel??" demands Archer from the other table, where she's sitting with Goblin Slayer, "And, I'm training Orcbolg to bobble! It's fun! Well, it would be if Goblin Fanatic here were not so single-minded!"

"Bobble? What's that? You just wobble them! What's the big deal?" demands Shaman, after taking another large draw from his draft, watching Goblin Slayer's ears bounce around erratically.

"Trust a dwarf to not know the difference between a bobble and wobble." mocks Archer. "Hey Priestess! Come over here and touch my eartip!" Curious, Priestess moves to the other table and reaches out to touch Archer's left eartip, only to have it dart out of the way at the last instant. Surprised, Priestess tries again. And again. And again. Each time, Archer's ear nimbly jerks out of the way just in time. Even after Archer closes her eyes, Priestess still can't tag Archer's eartip.

"Oh! I had no idea that you could do that! But... Is that really training?" asks the surprised but dubious Priestess.

"Of course! Wobbling is needed for advanced listening — and dodging elf-obsessed perverts out to molest our ears!"

"Umm, okay... But aren't you doing the opposite with Miss Slayer?! She's trying to touch your finger, not dodge it!"

"That's bobbling. Have to bobble before you can wobble, of course." assures Archer. "And wobble before you can knobble."

"Knobble? I'm not going to ask," demurs dwarf Shaman with a dismissive shrug.

"Perhaps dragonhood will also require special training?" ponders Monk, then adds. "How long will this training take, esteemed elf friend?"

"Ahh... Who knows? Elf children play this game for years and years. But Orcbolg is obsessive, so probably quicker? And meanwhile I've got someone to bobble and wobble with again! Ha hah!"

"Such a child!" grumbles Shaman.

"I heard that! And who's a child? You only have two centuries and change!" Archer becomes distracted by her argument, so Priestess takes over the 'bobbling' training. And after several attempts...

"One," declares the intently focused Goblin Slayer after her 'bobbling' ears meet Priestess' fingers for the first time.

"Counting?! You're killing me!" Priestess says with a barely visible smirk; Archer and Shaman stop their argument and look suspiciously at her.

"Touché!" says Monk placing his hands together in a strange gesture.

The guards watch as the two elves, dressed similarly in lightweight cloth and leather, dart along the high parapets. This has been going on for a week. First it was the railings of the stockyard, then the low parapets, then the high parapets, then back to the low parapets but in erratic jumping patterns, now back to the high parapets with erratic jumping.

"What do you think? Which would you go for?" asks the first guard, eyeing the two figures as they dance past on their tenth lap.

"Which?? Are you nuts? That's Goblin Slayer! There's no way!"

"Ha hah! Forget the past, live in the present! Check out that curvy body! Those sleek, muscular legs! Those insane blue eyes! And those breasts! Definitely enough to grab hold of!"

"Well, that's true," reluctantly admits the second guard. "She does look pretty fine."

"Hell yeah! If I had the chance, I'd grab her, bend her over the wall, and ### ### #### ### ... Oh hey, she fell!"

Having suddenly missed her footing, the green elf pitches face first off the parapet ... only to flip gracefully in midair and land lightly with a roll on the ground below — a smooth recovery with no damage other than a slightly red face.

"Umm... Do you think she heard me? Elves are supposed to have really good hearing, aren't they?"

"Yeah, 'fraid so, buddy!" says the second guard as the pale skinned elf lands next to her green skinned sister and sends the two guards a thumbs up and a grin.

"Guess that's a 'Hey thanks for the help with training!'" says the first guard, sheepishly waving back.

"Yeah, but Miss Goblin Slayer doesn't look so happy. Better watch your back, man."

The following week's "Elf Stealth" training is indeed nerve wracking for a certain town guard.

Another typical day at the Guild Hall. Acceptance has set in, but...

"So what are we going to call her now? 'Goblin Slayer' just isn't sitting right," complains one regular adventurer.

"GSE: Goblin Slaying Elf" suggests another.

"GSM: Goblin Slaying Mama" offers a third.

"Boring! Goblina Slaya!" offers a fourth.

"Our Green Goddess" suggests one particularly enamored adventurer, only to be shot down with a shared """NO YOU LOON!"""

A visiting minstrel ponders, "Hmmm... Long eared. Blue eyed. Green skinned. I could do something with that. How about...

"That's awful! And she doesn't actually eat goblins you know," objects the first adventurer

"Shhh... I'm a roll here." retorts the minstrel

"How about BEB? Busty Elf Babe!" comes another suggestion, ignoring the minstrel's efforts.

"I heard that! And besides, there needs to be something about goblins in there!" comes an angry elf voice from the back of the room.

"How about GSGS? Gender swapped..." But that's immediately shouted down as well. "And don't give us that 'GS Squared' nonsense either!"

In the end, the adventurers decide to stick with "Goblin Slayer" after all.

"Hey, it grew back already!" Archer is examining my hair. I told her that it grew back very fast, but she didn't believe me, so I cut it short yesterday. Now, it's back to its usual length. (Though I suffered hunger and fatigue again, as I've learned to expect.)

"Alright, alright, I believe you! Verde regeneration really is something else! It would take me a week to grow that back!"

Regeneration? I mention the cuts and bruises and how quickly they healed, and ask if that's related.

"Yep. Basics time again. I'm two thousand years old. Notice any scars, burns, missing fingers on me?" I shake my head.

"How likely is that? Not very, huh? ... It's because Elves regenerate completely. See this eye? Got it stabbed out by a branch in fall six hundred years ago. And this leg? Whole thing got whacked off by a dark elf in a battle 1200 years ago. Elves regenerate. Without regeneration, only the absurdly lucky and insanely cautious could make it to a thousand years without at least one crippling injury."

Why have I never heard of this before? And how can I use it to kill goblins? Hmm...

The new bathing facility... The water is hot. Small bubbles rise from small holes at the bottom and sides of the small, artificial pool. Steam wafts across the surface. Two elves, immersed to mid-chest in the relaxing heat, sit across from each other, each inspecting the other's chest.

About the size of small grapefruit! Nice round shape. A perfect handful! thinks one.

Barely a mound, perky nipples. Efficient. No interference with a pulled bow-string. thinks the other.

And so, a mild, mutual jealousy simmers amidst the wavering tendrils of steam.

Chapter Text

A Warm Autumn Afternoon

A warm and lazy afternoon, the sun halfway down the sky. Shadows from trees, outbuildings and town walls are as long as their sources are high. Town guards lean against the parapets of the town wall. Below the wall, a slightly stout woman in white and gray vestments leads a gaggle of rambunctious young children towards the town gates.

Mother Superior of the Earth Temple looks around as she walks, enjoying the mild warmth and the sharp smells of an early autumn afternoon. She's usually too busy with duties at the temple to visit town, but the day was so pleasant, and her work load light enough, that she was able to get away, using the excuse of business in town. Though she also brought along the younger children in order to lessen the load on the other sisters — and to let the children share in her semi-time off stroll.

"Look. Look! Look!" cries one boy, pointing upwards to the wall. Mother Superior looks up to see two young women racing along the top of the wall, one leaping erratically between the pediments, the other following her closely, while the town guards watch with bemused interest.

That litheness and agility... Elves. And the blonde hair and green leather gear on the leading woman — that's Elf Archer, thinks Mother Superior, recognizing the occasional visitor to the Earth Mother Temple. As for the other... Is that green skin?? .. It can't be! Not dressed like that! But who else could that be?

"Oh no!" Exclaims one of the girls... The second elf has missed a step, and tumbles off the wall as the guards look on in surprise and children look on in shock.

But Mother Superior isn’t concerned. She's seen enough adventurers, and sure enough the green skinned elf flips in mid-air, spreads her cloak, lands with a light "thunk", rolls, and stands up with no trouble. She doesn't seem at all hurt, just... embarrassed maybe? She directs a cool glance up at the guards who likewise seem embarrassed about something as they wave back to her and her blonde elf friend who has joined her on the ground and seems to find the situation amusing.

"Children why don't you go make sure that she's okay." suggests Mother Superior with a benevolent smile. The children hardly need any encouragement and immediately dash over to the two young women.

"Miss Goblin Eater! Miss Goblin Eater! Are you okay?" The children quickly surround the green elf and chatter away worriedly and happily at her.

"Goblin... Eater?" she asks, a looks of mild puzzlement replacing the look of embarrassment.

A passing minstrel taking in the sight, mutters something and writes down a note as Mother Superior looks away with a momentary look of guilt.

Interview, A Month or So Ago

The room is small, but packed — almost more storeroom than an office. Shelves are full of books, scrolls, dried plants, and jars of ointments. A simple open wardrobe holds vestments, slightly ragged cloth armor, ceremonial robes, and a cold weather cloak. A large window, guarded by iron bars, looks out over the temple courtyard below. A small secretarial style desk sits next to the window — small writing surface with cubbyholes above filled with paper, cards, notes, pens and inks. The chair serving the desk is lightly cushioned in worn leather — modestly comfortable. The sole other chair in the room is a simple wooden object, something for visitors who won't be encouraged to get comfortable. Altogether, it's an office wholly suited for the Mother Superior of the Earth Mother.

The Mother Superior herself is a bit stoutly built under her grey and white vestments, and, uncharacteristically, has a slightly cross look on her face — a look which she is directing at her visitor.

The visitor stands solidly and easily the middle of the room, seemingly oblivious to the visitor's chair as he faces Mother Superior. He is a medium sized, but muscular man, and wears rather shabby armor covering his entire body. The poor quality of his armor is matched by the poor quality of his weapons: a small scuffed shield carried on his back and an oddly short and battered sword by his side. It's not normal for an adventurer, even a respected one, to be allowed to carry his weapons to a meeting with the Mother Superior in her own office, but the Mother's assistant had eventually yieled to his insistence that "Goblins might attack." and let him be.

"A curse you say?" asks the Mother. This is not what she was expecting. Perhaps he offended some powerful wizard? Probably told them he wouldn't help them in some quest unless goblins were involved. Frankly, the Mother was occasionally tempted to curse him herself (not literally of course, and not that she could do such a thing anyway). He really was a bad influence on that outstanding young Priestess. Though Sister Claw was at least equally responsible for that. Still... that Priestess wouldn't have gone to Sister Claw had it not been for this man's influence.

The visitor nods in confirmation, but when asked to tell her more, he only says, "Difficult to describe."

Odd. But the Mother sighs... Much as this man annoys her, he has come to her for her aid, and curses are indeed her area of expertise. And she's investigated this man before. Though violent, he is not of ill intent (at least not to anyone that's not a goblin). And there have been many victims of goblins brought to the Temple after having been saved by him. He's earned the respect he gets.

Mother Superior readies her diagnostic cantrips and begins her examination. Which would be easier if he removed his armor... But never mind... Several minutes later she's done.

"You're not under a curse but an enchantment. A very powerful one. Though I can't figure out what it's doing to you. So strong too... Feels legendary level to me. You're really going to have to tell me more."

"I see." the man responds. Then pauses in his characteristic way. "The enchantment counters the curse. I'll show you."

Mother Superior watches in puzzlement, then with a frisson of shock as the man begins to do the unthinkable...

He begins to remove his helmet.

What? He's removing it? Isn't this supposed to be the great mystery of town? This man NEVER removes his helmet. I mean, he's got to remove it sometime, but never in public. And yet here he goes. ...

Wait… One of the rumors... Catastrophically ugly. Face ripped up, half eaten by goblins... Mother Superior shivers and prepares herself to not react badly...

Oh! … Well that’s a surprise!

An old, light scar against one cheekbone. Dusty brown hair, silver eyes. Actually... kind of good looking. Or maybe would be if he were not so absolutely emotionless. Or rather... calmly appraising. Still, what an expression... Or lack thereof, rather. Gambit players would thrown down their cards in despair and walk away.

As Mother Superior is still processing that this man, who is so determined to hide his face, has now revealed it, and is actually not bad looking at all, the man reaches up, pulls an amulet from under his shirt and deactivates the associated enchantment. The man's features, even his entire body and armor begin to shift and change, until...

...
...
DEAR.
HOLY.
MOTHER.
OF EARTH!!
WHAT IS...
THIS!!!

A green skinned woman now faces Mother Superior. A rather attractive woman. Green skin. Flawless green skin. Lush reddish brown hair pulled back in pony tail. Piercing blue eyes. Beautiful face. Muscular, but definitely female body.

And yet, Mother Superior can't help but think... This explains a lot.

"I see. You're actually a female goblin."

"No." Flat and straightforward. Definitely a female voice, though a strong, confident one.

"No?"

"This happened three weeks ago."

"Before that you were... a male goblin? There have been rumors..."

"I was a human."

Skeptical.

"A male human."

"I'm sorry my dear, but it's obviously the enchantment that makes you look like a male human."

"No." The female goblin (goblina?) activates the enchantment again, resuming her human male disguise.

"This is what I looked like before the curse. A mage made this amulet to counter it."

"That's hard to believe my dear." (Arrghh! I'm reflexively calling him (her?) 'My dear'!) "That enchantment is legendary class. There's no mage around here, or probably even in the capital, who could make such a thing." So where did he (she) get such a thing??

While Mother Superior has no special skill in removing enchantments (such would be a mage's job), she is fairly good at evaluating them. And as to what mage could make such a thing in this day and age... Hardly any. Much less, such a prosaic enchantment, and for such an... annoying person. Essentially impossible.

"The Watermill Mage made it."

Oh. HER. The Anomaly. Just by being here, she had distorted the world. Wait. ... Made it? Within the last three weeks? She's still here??

"I... I thought she was gone. You know her?" Fear! Given what she was like years ago, what is she like now?

“She left years ago. She made this amulet before she left."

Relief! But that means that she was strong enough to predict this curse(?) years ago, and prepare a remedy ahead of time. So much power... But... she's gone now. Thank you Earth Mother! Anyway, this means...

"You've known all along that you would be cursed and turn into a female goblin?"

"... No. ... She didn't tell me. Just that I would need the amulet. ... And… I am not a goblin."

"I see." Terrifying amount of power. And this man... person. Despite the complete transformation into such an attractive... not-a-goblin (supposedly)... I can tell... He... She... Is... JUST AS ANNOYING AS BEFORE!!...

"Let me see the transformation again" The man(?) de-activates the enchantment again, and returns to his (her?) female appearance.

"Hmm... And the amulet." The not-a-goblin woman holds the amulet out to Mother Superior who examines it for several minutes.

"This is already showing some wear. It won't last forever. How long have you been using it?"

"A couple of weeks."

"I'd guess it would last one to two more months. Maybe more if you use it sparingly."

"I see."

Flat expression as usual, but Mother Superior does have years of reading people, even gambit card players... Disappointed but not surprised. She(?) expected that, but hoped... no checked... to see if it were otherwise.

"Does our young Priestess know about this?"

"No."

"I see. Well, I must leave that to you. It's not for me to reveal the secrets of supplicants. You are a supplicant, yes?"

"... Yes."

Hee hee! Slight revenge! But... She has come to me and is a supplicant... Mother Superior shakes her head, resumes her cleric demeanor, and returns to her examination of the young not-a-goblin woman.

"Hmm... That's odd. Please remove your armor and clothing."

"... But goblins might..."

EARTH MOTHER, GIVE ME STRENGTH!

"Your sword and shield are right here, and in the extremely unlikely event that goblins spring forth from the stonework, I'll help you. I do have battle experience." A little. And it's been years. But seriously... Goblins attacking us here?? You annoying not-a-goblin girl!

The not-a-goblin reluctantly acquiesces and strips down to her underwear (which includes a wrap around her chest).

"All of it, my dear!" ... Ah! I'm still calling her(?) 'my dear'!

The not-a-goblin calmly removes her remaining bits of clothing, and Mother Superior begins a thorough examination, covering every inch, checking hair, fingernails, teeth, ears, everything. The... girl... woman... endures it all calmly and stoically, with naught but the tiniest of flinches in response to poking the most sensitive areas.

"All right, done. You can get dressed. ... Are you sure that you're not a female goblin?"

"... Yes." (As she dons her underwear and armor.)

"Just joking my dear. Now tell me how this happened.”

It takes a fair amount of prodding but Mother Superior gets the story, such as it is… Found a ring in a goblin nest, woke up several days later, wearing the ring and transformed into her new female form. Mother Superior asks for and inspects the ring. Old, fine craftsmanship and with a very strong seal enchantment on it. Mother Superior attempts to wear the ring (overriding the objection of not-a-goblin), and as expected, it’s very difficult/painful to even attempt it. Yet not-a-goblin reports that she has no trouble wearing it and that it seems natural. Mother Superior hands the ring back and thinks for a bit.

”Alright, Here's the result..." The girl (now re-armored) looks expectantly... no scratch that... calmly at Mother Superior.

"There is no curse."

"... But. ..."

"There is no curse. You're aware that I'm an expert on curses. However, I am not just an expert. In the kingdom, only my mentor, the Cleric of Quartz is better than I. And while he can remove some curses that I cannot, I can definitely tell whether or not there is a curse. And you, most definitely, are not under a curse."

"..."

Still that card player stoicism and calm. But she didn't like that.

As for the ring, it’s enchanted with an ownership seal. And it seems to belong to you. While you can easily wear it, no one else can. While the seal is quite strong, i.e. very hard to break, it’s also very simple, i.e. it’s nothing but an ownership enchantment.

I also checked very carefully, and you’re not possessed. There is no extraneous spiritual presence around you, either malevolent nor benevolent. Moreover, while there is a bit of… turbulence, there does not seem to be any spiritual mismatch between your soul and your body — they fit together naturally.

"Aside from all that… Another oddity is that you're not just healthy. Not even just very healthy. You are perfectly healthy. I can't find a single scar, burn, skin abnormality, broken bone, chipped tooth. ... And yet, you do have the hand and foot calluses that I would expect of an adventurer.”

”Well, there are the freckles… But those are just adorable, so I don’t count them as a blemish."

Blink. … Sigh… So expressionless.

"As for what you are... You look much like an elf. But the ears aren't quite right, and I've never heard of a green elf."

Still no more than a slight twist of the lip. Not surprised?

"Did that mage tell you anything else?"

"She said that the amulet was only a temporary fix. And that there would be no other fix."

"But you came to me in hope that maybe...?"

"Yes."

"Sorry to disappoint my dear. But I must say... Aside from not being an actual curse... This doesn't seem to be much of even a figurative curse."

"..."

“I can only guess that some god has done this to you. For what purpose, I don’t know. A bet? A challenge? A whim? Or some deeper purpose? I don’t know.”

”I see.”

She is, like he was, clearly very tough. But there's no way that this can be easy for her. What can I say? I must act in accord with the Earth Mother and give encouragement... Oh... I know what to say... But it will be… difficult…

Mother Superior hesitates, and then calmly..."I'm sure that you'll still be able to... quest after goblins. You're fully fit, with a warrior's build. I've dealt with many female adventurers. I don't see any problem."

A very long pause. The not-a-goblin looks to the side. She's considered this possibility already...

"I see. ... I will adjust then."

"I expect that you will." Arghh!!! Did I really tell this annoying person to go kill more goblins?? Earth Mother, why must you make me suffer so??

"Thank you. I'll leave now. I've made the donation already."

"Not necessary, but appreciated, my dear." Again! That 'my dear' reflex!

The not-a-goblin reactivates the enchantment, dons (now) his helmet, and reaches for the door.

But… A sudden impulse strikes the Mother Superior... I shouldn't! No, but I should! She should know, right?

"Before you go..."

He turns expectantly.

"You're still intact."

"Intact?"

"Yes down there. Intact." adds Mother Superior with a benevolent grin and downward gesture. After all what girl wouldn't want to know?

"... ... ... I see." Mind Down!

"It's somewhat rare these days. There are some miracles, the Resurrection miracle in particular, which require such an... attribute. Perhaps you could..."

"No." Hah! That was quick!

"I see. I understand. But, please keep it in mind."

"... I will."

And with that, the man leaves.

Mother Superior turns, falls to her knees, clasps her hands over her mouth, and begins praying even as peels of laughter slip past her restraining hands...

Earth Mother, please forgive me. But that man has been such a trial! ... But this... This is your will, right? ... Perhaps one day, some man will be brought in gravely wounded, near death, and we'll need to perform the ritual of Resurrection... And perhaps Sir... Miss Goblin Slayer will be the only one available... And so, he... she will...

And with that, Mother Superior collapses to the floor giggling uncontrollably.

Warm Autumn Afternoon Again

Back in the warm afternoon present, Mother Superior watches as the children chatter excitedly at (Miss) Goblin Slayer.

"You're really okay, Miss Goblin Eater?" (Red haired acolyte.)

"I'm fine."

"Why are you green? Is it because you eat goblins?" (Brown haired boy.)

"... I don't eat goblins."

"It's because she's a green elf." (Black haired boy.)

"There are no green elves!"

"Huh? She's an elf and she's green!"

"That's just... Watchamacallit... Roundabout thinking!"

"Is not!" "Is!" "Is not!" ... (Boys stuck in a loop.)

"Miss Goblin Eater! You're so pretty!" (Petite blonde girl.)

"I see..." She pauses a moment. "Thank you." She pauses again. "You are also attractive."

The children look at Goblin Slayer struggling with the conversation. And begin cracking up.

"You're so funny Miss Goblin Eater!" "Yeah!" "Hee, hee."

"You really don't eat goblins? But Mother said..." (Blue haired girl.)

"Whoops! Time to go children! I'm sure Miss Goblin Slayer has things to do!"

Mother Superior quickly gathers the children and continues on her way, ignoring the slightly raised eyebrow from Miss Goblin Slayer and the raucous laughter from Elf Archer.

Amazing how much the exterior has changed, yet the interior remains the same... ponders Mother Superior as she and the children continue towards the town gate. If some god did this to her as some sort of test, then… that god must be… quite vexed!