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“You’re here!“ Roger blurted out when he saw Brian sitting in his very own little dressing room.
“Of course I am. Where else would I be?” Brian looked up from where he had been idly strumming his Red Special.
“Well…” ‘at home, staying away from people,’ Roger wanted to say, because that’s what Brian had been doing for most of the pandemic. Roger hadn’t really believed that Brian would agree to play with him today. Even after they’d met to talk about what songs Brian might play and rehearse for a bit, Roger wasn’t completely sure his friend would turn up.
A small frown appeared on Brian’s face when Roger didn’t answer. “You didn’t think I’d come?”
“Of course not!” Roger tried to reassure his friend, but it was too late.
“Rog, you know I’d do anything for you, right? I gave you my word. Why would you think…”
Roger had to say something before Brian’s mind went places it shouldn’t go. Not today, not ever.
“Of course I knew you’d come. Guess I’m just not used to seeing you in a dressing room anymore. But I’m so happy to see you, mate. Can’t wait to be on stage with you again.”
And that was the honest-to-god truth. Roger had missed touring so much. He still wasn’t sure about “Freedom Day” with the pandemic still going strong, but at least it enabled him to tour. And what a blast these last three weeks had been. The reception of the crowd could not have been more enthusiastic, the band sounded amazing, and everybody was enjoying themselves. It helped of course that he’d been playing with Spike, Neil and Tyler for years.
But as awesome as the tour had been Roger quickly realized how much he missed Brian. On stage but also backstage. They had always shared a dressing room. Both Roger and Brian loved the time before a show. When they would rehearse a little but mostly just enjoy each other’s presence.
This time he had his own dressing room. And after the first two shows Roger realized how quiet, how empty it was without Brian. He had missed the bantering, the fond disagreements, the discussions or just enjoying the silence together. So he spent as little time as possible in his room.
A cough brought him back. Brian was looking at him expectantly. So Roger turned the full force of his thousand-watt smile and puppy eyes on his friend. He knew it was a little unfair, but Brian shouldn’t worry on a day like this. And it worked.
The frown on Brian’s face quickly turned into a smile that seemed to light up his face. “Right, let’s rock this place. See you on stage!”
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For Roger, being on stage was a kind of magic that he felt all over his body. Stepping onto a stage was an adrenaline rush, a high unlike any he’d ever experienced. It didn’t matter if he played in front of 2.000 or 200.000 people. The joy and pleasure he felt. The happiness he saw in the faces of the crowd. The energy of the audience he so eagerly soaked up. The endorphins rushing through his blood.
During those two songs that Brian was up there on stage with him, Roger knew that his friend felt exactly the same. He could see it in Brian’s face and his whole body-language.
Brian had been worried that he somehow lost his touch. Of course he didn’t tell Roger that, but after more than fifty years Roger could read Brian like a book. So Roger had asked Brian to play with him tonight. Not only for himself but also for his friend. To show Brian that he had still got it. That he still could make people scream his name.
And scream they did. The audience went crazy when Brian appeared. He sounded better than ever, fingers flying over the fretboard. His band were all top-notch musicians. They sounded amazing together but there was only one Brian May. Nothing compared to the sounds that he created with his Red Special.
So Roger couldn’t take his eyes off his friend. Just seeing Brian enjoy himself so much brought a huge grin to his face. He felt like a proud papa and simply couldn’t stop smiling. At this moment Roger felt so much affection for his friend that for the rest of “Tutti Frutti” he stayed as close to Brian as he could. Wanting to reassure himself that his friend was really there, whole and healthy. Something he couldn’t take for granted anymore, after all the health troubles Brian’s had.
“It’s my brother from another mother!”, he shouted to the audience, smiling brighter than all the lights behind him.
Oh yes, being on stage was magical, but being on stage with your dear brother right next to you was indescribable. It was a feeling that even someone as eloquent as Roger couldn’t put into words.
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They left the stage together, the roar of the crowd still ringing in their ears.
Roger felt like he was floating. Those last ten minutes had been some of the best he ever experienced. It almost felt like just being close to Brian again had somehow rejuvenate him.
And Roger hadn’t been physically close to Brian for nearly two years. He hasn’t been able to just sit near him with legs touching or pat him on the arm, feeling the warmth coming from his friend.
After they had come back from Australia, they didn't see each other very often. He had seen Brian in person maybe a handful of times. The rest was just zoom meetings or texts or emails, and he was very bad with those. After a while he even began to hate them. He always preferred meeting people instead of talking on the phone.
Roger was usually a very touchy-feely person, as was Brian. But as close as they were, an arm around the shoulder or a pat on the back was usually the only way they showed physical affection. Roger had never really thought about the reasons for that, but now he wondered why they never really hugged each other when they both seemed to hug everybody else.
He enjoyed hugging and touching people, especially the people he loved. It made him feel connected. He loved to feel the warmth coming from another person, knowing they were alive and well.
Roger suddenly felt the desperate need to throw his arms around Brian and squeeze him tight.
So he did.
Brian let out a surprised little huff. "What's wrong, Rog? Let go of me.” He gently tried to pry Roger off.
But somehow Roger couldn't let go of Brian. Instead he squeezed his dear old friend even harder. He listened to Brian’s steady heartbeat, reassuring him more than any text message or phone call ever could.
Brian seemed to accept his fate and awkwardly patted Roger on the shoulder.
“It’s ok, Rog,” Somehow this gentle reassurance was enough to bring tears to Roger’s eyes. He sniffed and buried his face on Brian’s chest. Slowly Brian’s arms encircled him, and the warmth surrounding him made Roger cry even harder. It felt like coming home and Roger now desperately missed all the hugs they never had.
Brian was alive. He was alive and well and had just brought the house down with two killer solos. He was alive and close and it felt so comforting. ”It’s okay, Rog,” Brian whispered again as he slowly run his hand along Roger’s back.
For eighteen months Brian had kept his distance. Even after he got the vaccine, he mostly stayed away. Always scared of that damn virus that turned everybody’s world upside down.
Roger tried to understand, he really did. But Brian’s isolation hurt him more than Roger wanted to admit. Whenever they met Brian never got closer than six feet. Always with a mask obscuring half of his face and all Roger could see were Brian’s sad, scared eyes.
And Roger had been scared as well. When he got the message that Brian was hospital his hard had nearly stopped as well. He had been so scared that he would lose his brother. Scared that he would never play with Brian again, never argue or disagree about everything, never be able to laugh or reminisce together.
Scared that he would be all alone. He had already lost Freddie and then John. He couldn’t lose Brian too.
It should have been him anyway. He was the one who drank too much and ate too much meat. The one whose only exercise was drumming and the occasional walk. Not Brian, who was leading the healthiest life you could imagine.
“I’m fine, Rog! I really am.” Oh, had Brian now added mind-reading to his many qualities? Roger squeezed Brian again, just to assure himself that his friend was real.
Roger breathed in Brian’s unique smell. Unlike Freddie, John and himself Brian never smelled of smoke. He always had this clean, earthy smell surrounding him. You could almost say that Brian smelled of the nature he always tried to protect. Roger tried to breath in as much as he could of that familiar smell. And it helped to calm him down.
“Rog, you really need to go now. They are waiting for you.”
Brian finally managed to gently push Roger away from him. But he still held onto his arms and looked at him fondly.
“Right.”, Roger cleared his throat and quickly wiped his eyes. “Will I see you later? At the party?” He tried not to plead, but he probably failed.
“Of course, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Brian smiled at him..
Roger turned to the door, ready for the encore but stopped when Brian added: “And Rog.” Brian beamed at his friend with undisguised affection. “I love you too.”
Roger smiled back.
Yes, everything would be just fine.