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Chapter Text

I set the powder puff back in its case, then gestured for Marie to pack it with the rest of the toiletries. I don't know why the fashion was for French maids and English valets, but it was in vogue right now so we had a pair of maids traveling with us and Father's valet. They'd been bought first class tickets so they could be close by, of course they were in the cheaper rooms. Marie, Violetta and Edward would proceed ahead with our luggage to the Southampton docks while Mother, Father and I would arrive in a rented motor at the first class boarding area.

"Anastasia, are you decent?" Father's voice rang through the cheap wood door of our lodging.

I gripped the edge of the vanity. "Yes Father, please come in."

Gareth Dalian was an imposing man, tall and barrel chested with a florid face that spoke to a minor love of drink. Underneath it all though, Father has a large heart. Which he demonstrated by chucking me under my chin as if I was still a child. "Pretty as a picture, perhaps you'll make a match on the boat. Mrs. Astor told me they've started calling these Cunard boats the 'love boats', five engagements on the crossing she did last year."

I gently grabbed his fingers and used them to lift myself off my vanity stool. "Mrs. Astor is the biggest gossip in New York Father, I highly doubt it was five engagements." I did not correct him that we would be sailing on a White Star ship or that Mrs. Astor had died four years ago.

He adjusted my hand so he could escort me out of the hotel room. "Perhaps. But do not shut yourself up with your mother, like you have done during this trip. I know London and Paris fashions are exciting but you have been withdrawn of late."

I bit my tongue, deciding simply to nod at this. The sumptuous hotel furnishings passed by in a whirl of dark wood and red silk as Father handed me up into the car to join Mother. The lines around her eyes spoke to the true reason for our trip. We had passed it off to Father as a ladies trip, full of dresses and jewels, but our true purpose was to consult with various doctors about Father's health. Our farce had paid off, a new wardrobe for each of us would be shipped out before the season, but we had been unable to find a solution to Father's ever increasing memory lapses. Looking at him now, admiring Southampton as we drove by, it wrung my heart.

"You have the tickets, Anastasia?" Mother's voice was quiet but strong.

I touched my purse hanging from my wrist. "Yes Mother, right here."

She nodded, the silk flowers on her hat bobbing slightly. The car clattered along, slowly bringing the great ship into view. The Titanic, brilliant in fresh red, black and white paint. Supposedly the new standard in luxury and safety, Father had been anxious to view the ship in whole, to the point of badgering the builders to ensure a brief tour through the working with Mr. Andrews, the designer. As Dalian Shipping supplied Harland and Wolff with filling various orders, they were more than happy to oblige. I admired the sleek lines of the ship, the funnels raked back stylishly, as our car stopped and the driver opened the door. Father tipped him then handed us out. We joined the line of first class passengers, seeing several familiar faces from New York. The Thayer family of Philadelphia were slightly ahead, and we nodded to the Strauses as the joined the group. I passed the tickets forward to Father, who had already engaged an acquaintance in conversation.

Mother touched my hand as I drew it back. "Look who just arrived." I turned, craning my head to see the back of the line. A fashionably dressed couple, escorted by a son with dancing green eyes and slicked back black hair. "I can't believe the Reichsters would book passage on the Titanic. Couldn't they have picked another liner?"

I whipped my head around quick when the son caught me looking. "Perhaps we will be lucky and they will be seasick the whole time."

"More than likely we will be stuck at the same dinner table."

Father looked back. "Ruth? What is it dear?"

"Those horrid Reichsters are behind us. We shall have to ensure that Anastasia has an escort during the trip. A repeat of the Vanderbilt incident cannot be had."

"Edward or one of the maids should suffice."

"They will be busy, and could be bribed. They have only been in our employ for a couple of months. You are friends with some of the White Star men, see if one of them can't be asked to keep an eye out when they aren't busy."

"Dear, I hardly think Zachary will try it again." He had lowered his voice to avoid eavesdroppers, but at Mother's glare it stopped entirely. "Yes dear, I will ask."

The gangplank we continued along was situated higher than the others, crossing over the large crowd of steerage passengers undergoing inspection. First class passengers were spared that indignity, instead preparing for a relaxing journey of leisure and gossip. I put my hand to my hat, the blue and white silk ribbon flipping in the wind. I was fortunate, Mother said, that I had inherited her fair complexion and dark gold hair and could carry off the light blue silk traveling suit I wore. The line moved slowly forward, in fits and starts. I started looking around, admiring the large crowd that had gathered on the dock, handkerchiefs up in the air as they waved at passengers. I smiled, then stumbled where the gangplank met the ship.

A pair of strong hands gripped by forearms, pulling me back up. "Easy there Miss, there you are."

I brushed my hand across my brow, trying to hide my embarrassment as I looked at him. He was clean shaven, with a pair of brilliant blue eyes. As I stood I could see that he was tall, slightly above my own height. Which considering I was a head taller than most of the women my age said something. I looked down, noting his black uniform. Not a steward then. "Thank you," I looked at his hands, black gloves still holding me, "You were very kind."

"The safety of the passengers is part of my duty miss," He lifted the white cap on his head, revealing a crop of dark brown hair, "First Officer William Murdoch."

I nodded, "Anastasia Dalian, it's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Murdoch. Forgive me, but should you not be up with the Captain?"

"The Chief Officer is, I was asked to greet passengers." His voice was clipped, his demeanor stiffer.

"Then I am glad you were here, otherwise who would have caught me?" I smiled at him, "Then my clumsiness would have been the first bit of gossip aboard. I wouldn't be able to show my face at dinner."

He chuckled, the hand that was still on my sleeve moving to squeeze my fingers through my gloves. "Then I shall keep your secret, Miss Dalian. I believe I see your party headed off." William gestured towards Mother and Father who were being escorted by a steward down a hallway.

"Oh, yes, well," I stammered, "Thank you again for your assistance Mr. Murdoch." I squeezed his fingers back, feeling a thrill at the contact for some reason. "And your discretion?"

"Of course Miss, have a safe and pleasant voyage."

Chapter Text

Our cabins were as luxurious as promised, fresh flowers perfuming the air. I could hardly smell the new varnish under their scent. Father bid us goodbye as he left to go witness the engine room during the launch. The maids and his valet were seeing to the unpacking, dresses and coats being hung in the large wardrobes that had been provided. I sat on my bed for a moment. "Isn't this wonderful Mother? Everything is so new, the beds, the carpets, everything."

Mother lifted her pearl necklace, safely ensconced in its velvet bag from her valise. "Indeed, but nothing less would suffice."

I couldn't help the little snort that came out. While Mother may like the high life now, I knew she had spent longer trips in rougher conditions. But that had been before her marriage to Father had catapulted her up from a shopkeeper's daughter in Nebraska to a social maven featured in the New York papers. They considered us new money, my grandfather had been the one to start Dalian shipping and build it, but they fell over themselves to report on out every move. What parties we went to, and those that we didn't. Who our dresses were from, who I danced with. Thank God there would be no reporters on the ship, I would have a moment of peace.

It had gotten harder to maintain our social presence in the papers while we scrambled behind the scenes of Dalian Shipping to keep everything running. When Mother had gone to Boston to deal with the failing negotiations by the branch chief with strikers, I had to come up with something to draw attention away from her absence at the party she was missing. I decided to 'accidentally' throw a full glass of champagne down the front of a Vanderbilt's skirt when she walked by.

The social sniping had distracted the papers long enough that Mother's absence was forgotten.

"I am going up to watch the launch." I said as I stood up from the bed. "Care to join?"

Mother shook her head. "Watch our for Zachary. No private areas."

I felt a slight shiver go down my spine at that memory. Pawing hands, a dark corridor, struggling to breathe. "I will stay around the other women, I promise." With that I left the cabin, headed up two decks to the Boat Deck. I greeted friends along the way, voice bright and cheery. The Duff Gordons were supervising a pair of stewards with a suitcase, Lucille nodding her majestic hat in my direction. I nodded back, then stifled a giggle. Two doors across from each other had been open, and the stewards were trying to figure out which one the suitcase went to. It was fairly obvious there were marital problems occurring between those her and Sir Cosmo. Oh what a piece of gossip that would be.

Coming out onto the Boat Deck was like being slapped with noise and light when compared to the below decks. The crowds were cheering, the steam rattling through the funnels, and the sun shining brightly. It almost distracted from the boats tied up at the docks due to a lack of coal. The miner's strike had been felt hard here. In dealing with Father's papers I had become acutely aware of the pinch that was affecting the coal supply, Dalian Shipping had begun to throttle back engines in order to conserve coal in response.

I shook the thought from my head, instead pulling out a handkerchief to wave. At who? I had no idea. Someone on the dock would see me and wave back. The Titanic let out a great whistle as she began to move away from the dock, pulled seaward by tugs. Once the ship was far enough away from the dock, I could feel a slight vibration build below all the decks, the massive engines slowly beginning to revolve. The cheering on the ship grew louder, even on the first class promenade, almost obscuring a slight popping sound. I stepped to the rail and looked over. One of the ships that had been tied to the dock was slowly sliding towards us.

I threw myself back from the rail, looking for someone, anyone who might be able to get to the bridge. I spotted a black jacket with some gold braid along the cuff. Chasing after him proved a slight difficult in my traveling suit, and I felt my hat get dislodged at some point. But when I grabbed his shoulder, pulling him around I saw it was the officer from before. "Officer Murdoch, please. Tell the Captain to stop the engines, a ship is about to hit." I spoke in a rush, gesturing over the rail. He looked over then rushed towards the bridge.

The vibrations beneath my feet stuttered and stopped, the propellers slowing. My heart was still in my throat as I watched the smaller boat swing closer, but a quick glance showed a tug coming up from behind it. I could see the line thrown from the tug, secured to the stern of the other ship and slowly they began to pull her back. I felt like I could breathe again, my hands shaking on the rail.

There was a cough behind me. "Miss Dalian, your hat?" Officer Murdoch had come back up, my hat held in his hands. The white silk brim looked so delicate in his hands, the ribbon still dancing in the breeze.

"Oh thank you," I said, taking it from him.

"The Captain would like to extend his thanks for your assistance." He spoke formally, but there was a slight accent to his words. "He hopes you will join him at lunch in the restaurant, with your family."

I placed my hat back on, tucking a few strands of hair back up underneath. "How kind of him, will you be joining us?"

A flush crept up his neck. "I hadn't thought to, but if you would prefer?"

"Of course I would." I smiled at him, batting my eyelashes a bit. He was handsome, and I will gladly admit that I enjoyed seeing him flustered.

He had just stepped forward to offer his arm when a slick voice cut in. "Sir, this stoppage will not effect the time we arrive in Cherbourg correct?" Zachary Reichster had slipped around the corner, coming up behind me. That voice, I would never be able to forget that voice. A large hand gripped my shoulder, squeezing it painfully. I froze, pulling my arms in. "I have a dear friend waiting and I just cannot wait to see him again. You remember Elliot from Boston, right 'Stasia?"

The scent of his cologne, heavy musk, choked me. I cast a pitiful look at Mr. Murdoch from below the brim of my hat, opening and closing my hands. He seemed to take the hint, stepping forward again. His voice was calm, but there was a stern note to it. "It should not effect our timetable sir, please if you will excuse us." I moved my hand quickly to his arm, wrapping my other one around it too, so I held myself much closer to him than was needed.

Once were were far enough away I loosened my grip a bit. "Thank you Mr. Murdoch. You have no idea how desperately I needed your intervention."

"I take it he wasn't a friend of yours?"

"Oh, dear God, no." I pressed my lips together, "Nothing of the sort."

We walked in silence for a moment, heading inside to the magnificently paneled stairway. I stopped a steward and asked him to inform my parents of our new meal plans. As he hurried off, Mr. Murdoch spoke up again. "I hope I am not being too forward by escorting you to lunch."

I gamely took his arm again. "Not at all Mr. Murdoch, in fact your company has been most needed."

He brought his hand up to cover my own at that. "I should hate for a lady such as yourself to be in need of company. I would think you'd have the boys lined up around the block to promenade."

We proceeded down the stairway before I answered. "I'm afraid the boys have been rather lacking. Far more concerned with their horse races and yacht clubs to come calling." I caught him smiling at that. He had a handsome face, pale, but lively when he chose to smile. I squeezed his fingers, "Perhaps you might inspire some jealousy in them."

"I should hardly think they be threatened by a humble seaman such as myself." His voice was low, and he nodded to the stewards who opened the doors to the restaurant. The place was beautifully done in the Louis XVI style, lushly embroidered chairs and gilded ceilings. He handed me down into a chair, then sat himself to my right.

I fluttered the napkin down into my lap. "Thank you Mr. Murdoch, this is beautiful."

"It is, isn't it?" He said, looking around, "Far sight from our mess."

"Do officers not typically dine with the passengers?"

"No, we have a mess room on the Boat Deck. Close to our quarters. It's rather barren, especially when compared to this." He waved his hand at the lavish woodwork and sparkling crystal glasses.

"Then I shall have to invite you down for a meal or two during this trip." I kept my voice light and watched that slight flush creep up again.

He took a drink of water before replying. "I'm not sure your parents would approve of that Ms. Dalian."

"Please, call me Anastasia, Mr. Murdoch. And you'd be surprised at the number of sailors that show up at our table at home. Father is very democratic."

"If you wish I shall call you that, if you will call me Will, when it is only us of course."

I extended a hand. "I can happily agree to that Will."

His hand was larger than mine, his black glove covering my white one. "Then we have an agreement Anastasia. Or would you prefer 'Stasia?" Will had a crooked grin on his face.

"Will, if you call me 'Stasia I shall throw you overboard through that window." I couldn't help but laugh at my idle threat, and he joined in. He had relaxed more as we had talked, and I smiled widely when I caught his eye. There was something about his eyes, a spark that lit them when he laughed.

He lost his mirth in an instant, rising from his seat. "Captain Smith, this is Miss Anastasia Dalian. Miss Dalian, Captain Smith."

I started to rise from my chair to greet the white bearded gentlemen with kind eyes when he gestured for me to stay sitting. "No need Miss, please sit." He took the place across from me, Will sitting back down as soon as the Captain was settled. We passed a few minutes in idle chatter about the weather we could expect before Mother and Father arrived and introductions were completed again.

Father accepted a beer from a waiter and took a long draught before speaking. "This is quite a surprise Captain, what brought it about?"

The gold leaves on Captain Smith's hat brim and the trim on his cuffs caught the light as he gestured across at me. "Your daughter alerted Mr. Murdoch here to a ship that had snapped her moorings. If not for her warning we may have been struck and delayed in the harbor."

"That must be why the engines stopped," Father said thoughtfully, "Do you suppose it was because of the suction caused by the propellers?"

"Perhaps Mr. Dalian," Captain Smith demurred, "But I fear such a discussion would not entertain the gentler half of our table."

Mother, looking up from the menu, shook her head. "Actually I am curious myself. My husband has a habit of leaving his work papers and magazines lying around and I find myself reading them. Shipbuilder said that this ship is fitted with many new safety features. Would the watertight doors have prevented major damage if we had collided?" In actuality Mother had begun secreting those magazines and papers away, reading them late at night to see if any advantage or a new innovation for Dalian Shipping might be lurking in the pages.

"According to Mr. Andrews, so long as only four compartments would flood, the ship would still be afloat and able to move." Will said, "Seeing the slow speed of the smaller ship, I cannot think much damage would have occurred if we had been struck."

I sipped orange juice from my glass before replying. "I did not realize you had spoken to Mr. Andrews before, Mr. Murdoch. Here I only thought he was aboard because Father had begged for a tour."

Captain Smith, finishing ordering from a waiter, spoke up. "Actually Mr. Andrews sails on the maiden voyage of each ship, in order to iron out the last issues."

"Nothing major, I hope?" Mother returned her menu to a waiter.

"Some Second Class cabins have not been able to receive hot water, but aside from that, everything is running as intended. Mr. Andrews is intensely focused on small details such as that, more than likely he is fixing it himself."

That drew a laugh from the whole table, and we fell to our meals as they were brought out. Everything was delicious and delicate, fitting given that the restaurant apparently was an added charge to our bill, but this meal was compliments of White Star Line for my meritorious service on deck. I did my best to draw Will into quiet conversation as my parents and the Captain fell into a talk about the coal strike. "So, was this better than the mess?"

"We receive First Class meals, but the company is much improved."

"I have also found the company much improved from what I am used to." I reach up to touch my hairpins, swearing I felt one move, "In fact, Mr. Murdoch, if you are not opposed to the company here, I would ask a favor of you."

"I'm afraid if it's to be your dance partner tonight I will be on watch when it is scheduled."

"Oh, I do not think I will be dancing tonight. However, you remember the man who came up behind me on deck? Who was concerned about the stoppage?"

Will nodded. "You did not seem to care for him much."

"I do not care for him at all, but he seems unable to recognize that. I suppose you could call him a persistent and unwanted suitor." I folded my hands together in my lap, "In fact, we were discussing that I may need a companion of sorts during the crossing to dissuade him. Mother asked Father to arrange for it with White Star, but I was hoping that, as long as it did not interfere with your duties, you might accompany me when I need it?" His face was rather blank, so I blundered on, "You do not have to say yes, it is only that I have enjoyed your company and should like to spend more time with you but if you are not interested please don't worry. I merely wanted to speak to you about it before I brought it up to Father."

Will blinked several times before answering. "I should not be opposed at all, Anastasia. If the Captain agrees then I can see no issue."

I turned to face Father, the conversation had moved on from the coal strike to the various oddities that had been sent as packages. Apparently a canary had been loaded for the brief trip to France. At a break in the conversation I broke in, "Father, do you remember the discussion we had before boarding? About a certain acquaintance of ours?"

He narrowed his eyes, obviously struggling to remember. Mother cut in, "Of course dear, I hope he hasn't been pestering you already."

"Unfortunately he has, and Mr. Murdoch here was most gallant when I needed it. I was hoping that, with the Captain's permission of course, Mr. Murdoch might accompany me during my promenades and perhaps a few meals to prevent another incident."

Mother looked to the Captain. He tilted his head. "So long as Mr. Murdoch is still able to carry out his duties at his usual standard, I can see no reason why not," He looked at me, "When you require him come to the Officer's Promenade and collect him. Mr. Murdoch, is that to your liking?"

"Yes, Sir. I shall double my efforts to that my performance is still up to your standard."

"Well then, we had better return to the bridge." Captain Smith stood, Will following him. "Thank you again for your service, dear."

I bowed my head. "Thank you for the meal Captain. Mr. Murdoch, I shall see you soon."

Will bowed back to me, a quick dip. "Whenever you require it Miss Dalian, assuming I am not on watch."

Chapter Text

Following luncheon we promenaded along the enclosed first class deck, only returning to our cabins to change for dinner. A number of passengers had been brought over by tender from Cherbourg, all dressed for dinner. That night's dinner passed in a blur, and before I knew it I was allowing Marie to remove the pins from my hair and turn down my bed. I patiently worked a brush through my hair, reveling in the pins being gone. They allowed for some magnificent hairstyles but I found they pinched roughly as the day wore on.

The brush was taken from my hand, Mother's soft fingers holding the handle. "Thank you Marie, that will be all for tonight." In the mirror's reflection I could see Marie bob and leave. Only once the door shut again did Mother speak again. "What happened with Zachary?"

I looked up to her hazel eyes, the brush still moving softly through my hair. "He came up behind me while Mr. Murdoch was inviting us to lunch. Grabbed my shoulder and asked if we would be late due to the incident."

"Anything else?"

"He called me 'Stasia." I blinked away the memory, shaking my head slightly, "Fortunately Mr. Murdoch stepped forward and escorted me down to the restaurant."

The brush stilled, and she set it down on the vanity. "That childish nickname. You would think the boy would grow up. Your grandmother would have died of shame to hear her name abused in such a way." Her hands settled on my shoulders, fingers brushing against the fabric of my nightgown. "Your father spoke to a steward, he said that your Mr. Murdoch stands watches from ten to two, morning and night. During those times I want you with me or in the ladies areas. The night should prove no problem."

"Oh Mother, don't you remember how I enjoy sneaking out of bed at all hours?" I smiled up at her in the mirror.

She chuckled, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Good night, Anastasia. We're having breakfast delivered tomorrow morning. Oh and your Father ran into the Hockley heir in the smoking room. We're invited to dine with their party tomorrow night."

"We've floated enough of his steel to deserve a meal." I smiled at her as she moved back to her cabin, the door sliding smoothly shut behind her. From there all that was left was to go to bed, the sheets silky smooth under my hands. Titanic was a marvel, I could barely feel the rocking of the waves. Only the slight vibration of the ship's engines and the strange feeling of moving forward while laying down. I was thaknful for the smooth sailing, Father had insisted on me accompanying him on short trips when I was younger, and I was seasick the whole trip the first time from the rough seas. It was only on the return trip that I found my 'sea legs' as he put it. Soon every time a ship came in I was down at the docks with him, running around like a hellion with the sailor's children. One time a boy had convinced us to steal a rowboat and row out to meet the ship before she docked.

Father had thought it a lark to see me sitting on the captain's shoulders as the ship was tied up. I held that day in my mind as I laid down to sleep, ignoring how he probably had forgotten all about that day. But I remembered, I remembered the yellow ribbon in my hair, I remembered how he had tossed me up into the air, calling me his little sailor.

Holding that memory tight I fell soundly asleep.

Morning dawned bright, even through the drawn shades. By the time Marie had appeared I had already used the sink to wash and donned what I could of my undergarments. All that was left was for my corset to be tightened and petticoats and skirts fastened. I buttoned a shirtwaist up, pulling on a green jacket with a braided trim over it that matched the skirt. Marie twisted my hair into a bun, fortunately a style that did not involve an inordinate number of pins.

When I stepped though to the other cabin Mother was wrapped in a dressing gown, enjoying a silver dish of scrambled eggs while Father snored in bed. A small plate of fruit had been brought with it, I swiped an apple off of it and swiftly disposed of it. Placing the core down I turned to Mother. "I am going up. We should be arriving in Ireland soon, I want to watch."

"Then gather your officer and watch." She stabbed a piece of egg, "I will be lunching in the cafe if you wish to join me."

"Of course Mother, we shall have to eat in every place before we leave." I picked up a pair of gloves, then set them back down. In the morning it was perfectly acceptable to be without one's gloves. I quickly headed up to the Boat Deck, finding a steel fence across the end of the first class promenade, a sign proclaiming that the deck ahead was the territory of the ship's officers. I leaned over the edge, hoping to catch a glimpse of my escort. It was eight, he should be somewhere around here. An officer, too slightly built to be Will, stepped out. I sang out, "Excuse me, is Mr. Murdoch up there?"

He turned, "Beg your pardon, Miss. Mr. Murdoch is in the mess, back down the promenade, by the third funnel."

"Thank you, Mr. ..." I trailed off, unsure of his name.

"Second Officer Lightoller, miss. Have a pleasant day." He tipped his cap before stepping back into the bridge. I followed his directions, quickly finding myself outside a window looking in on a rather spartan dining room. I could see Will there, along with some other men in uniform. I was too early then, they were still eating. I found myself a deck chair, arranging it so I had my back to a wall, could see both ways down the promenade, and more importantly, would be unable to miss the door to the mess opening. I sat down to wait, watching the sea slip by.

A few exited before I spotted Will leaving. "You've kept me waiting Mr. Murdoch," I said as I stood, "Here I thought you had better manners."

He froze, turning around on his heel. "Miss Dalian, I take it you are an early riser?"

"Always have been." I stepped closer, holding out a hand, "Care to be my escort this morning?"

He gripped it lightly in his, "If you have need of me, gladly." Letting my hand go, we slowly began to walk towards the stern. The day was warm, with a brisk wind. I smiled up into the sun, reveling in the light. Will's voice drew me from my thoughts, "Was there anything particular you would like to do?"

I pursed my lips, listening to the click of my boots on the wood. "A tour, I would like a tour."

He stopped for a moment, fishing out a pocket watch. "It will have to be quick, I am due on watch in ninety minutes."

"Then we had best hurry." I said, taking his arm again. Fortunately the public areas of the ship were rather vacant this early. A few early risers tipped their hats as we walked by, but we were relatively alone.

Will stopped outside a bank of windows. "This here is the gymnasium, would you care to go in?"

I nodded and stepped through. It was empty, of people at least. Instead it was filled with various machines, including what looked to be some kind of large mount. I ran my hand down the top of it. "What in the world is this?"

"Ah, the electric camel." Will smiled, reaching down to flick a switch. The machine rumbled to life, slowly lurching from side to side. "Quite elegant, isn't it?"

"I have never seen its equal." I laughed, "Who would want to ride this on a ship?"

He shrugged. "Some men seem to find it enjoyable. In rough seas, I can only imagine the sickness one would endure on it."

I felt a small smile break out as a rather devious thought entered my mind. "Speaking of men, do you think you could show me the men's areas?"

Will, there was no better word for it, blushed at that. "I-I would not presume to take you into those areas."

"Please Will, at least the smoking room. It's closed right now, just a quick peek?" I begged, stepping forward and grasping the buttery leather of his gloves. "Please?"

"It would have to be fast, and you can't tell anyone." He looked at me, his blue eyes dancing. "Your mother would have me thrown overboard if she knew." I nodded, letting him grasp my hand and pull me behind him. Instead of taking the main staircase he went behind the main entrance, instead coming into a small anteroom. I looked around, having expected to see some magnificent male enclave, only finding a rather rugged version of the lounge. It was heavily impregnated with the smell of tobacco though, and I wrinkled my nose. And this after only a few days of use.

"I was expecting something more grand." I said, picking my way through some tables. "You always hear of such momentous business being done in the smoking room."

"Well there is another part, through here." Will said, stepping toward a revolving door. I followed him into a section, standing close as we slowly shuffled with the door. It was a small space, and we were practically on top of each other. I could see his face clearly, down to his eyelashes. His breathing had slowed, but his hand found my waist, holding me close and guiding me out when our section opened. I can only imagine that we were in the revolving door for a few seconds, but it felt like minutes. The weight of his hand on my waist suddenly vanished as he pulled back. "Forgive me Miss Dalian, that was not well done of me."

I blinked, trying to find my voice. My breath had sped up in the door, and my heart was racing. "It was quite alright Will, just think of it as a dance."

He refused to meet my eyes. "I still should not have done it." He tugged his jacket down, moving off and examining something on a side table. I looked around the room, admiring the paintings that had been done on the windows. The way the light came through made it seem as if the paintings were moving, or at least changing slightly as the light moved. The stink of tobacco was still stifling, and I coughed lightly trying to clear my throat.

"Will, would you mind if we moved on?" I asked, "This is a bit much for me."

He checked his watch, "Yes, I will be needed up at the bridge. We will be arriving in Queenstown shortly." Will walked over, holding something in his hand, "Here, you'll probably be the only woman with one of these."

I took it from his hand, my fingers grazing against his gloves. It was a small matchbook, with the White Star banner printed on it above a declaration that these were the safest matches available. I flipped it around, feeling the rough back. "Thank you, this will be quite the souvenir."

"I would like to apologize again for my actions earlier."

"It was fine." I stated firmly, stepping towards him. "Men have held me closer at parties, truly it was quite alright."

"That is dancing though, much different."

I looked down, studying the carpet. "It was not always dancing."

His shoes, black and shining stepped into my view. "Anastasia, are you saying that some man forced himself, or-or tried to. And I, I just put my hands-"

"I would rather not discuss it, it was not a pleasant time." I cut him off. "Can we please leave here?" Will nodded, taking the normal route out of the room and back up the staircase. He did not offer me his arm though, merely walking beside me. I found that I missed it, quite a bit. Shortly we were back at the officer's promenade. The wind had picked up, but the day was clear so I could see the indistinct mass of land growing closer. Ireland.

Will stopped at the gate. "I must go back on watch, and give the orders for coming into port." He turned back. "You will be alright?"

I nodded, "I actually intend to watch the ship come in. I can imagine it is much different than our ships."

"Yes, well Titanic cannot even fit in the harbor. We will take in passengers and cargo from tenders." He stepped through the gate, shutting it behind him. "Anastasia."

"Will." I watched him step into the rooms behind the bridge, trying to focus on how the ship was slowing and coming to a stop just outside the Queenstown harbor. A massive rattle of chains followed by a splash told me the anchors had been dropped. I could see the tenders waiting to approach, they looked so odd with their old fashioned paddlewheels. A bellow of the Titanic's whistle gave them permission to approach, and their paddles slowly spun as their engines chugged along.

They tied up alongside, doors on the sides of our ships being opened to admit passengers. A rather ungainly way of getting onboard, with the tenders slightly pitching up and down with the swell. There was a fluttering of white sails as another group of boats approached, I could see people holding up items, cases and bits of lace fluttering in the wind. Irish lace and linen were some of the finest in the world, no doubt they were hoping to make some money off of first class passengers while we were taking on passengers.

I tracked one down the promenade, admiring the fine linen handkerchief a woman was holding up. I called down, "Please, how much for that?"

Her voice was faint, mostly blown away by the wind but I could still hear her. "Come down love, I can't hear you!" I nodded, big swings of my head so she could see it. I hurriedly found a steward, asking him to bring me down to a door where I could speak to the vendors. It was rather unnerving to be standing at a door with nothing outside it but open water, I tried to distract myself by playing with the small bits of change in my skirt pocket. My fingers fumbled around the matchbook too, waiting for the boat to pull up.

It didn't take too long for the boat to pull up, the sail stricken and oars being used to get close. I could see that the boat was smaller than I had thought, what I assumed to be the woman's family with her. Her husband on the tiller, her son on the oars and her daughter working on another handkerchief, rolling the edges. The woman, I could see her brown hair knotted back firmly against the wind, stepped up to the edge. "Ain't you a vision, I can promise you ma'am, my girl does fine work on these."

"I am sure she does," I wrapped my hand around the edge of the door, holding tight. "Would you take a dollar for one? I'm afraid I don't have any pounds or shillings."

The handkerchief was thrust out towards me instantly. "Of course ma'am, no problem here." I took it from her, tucking it into my sleeve and handing her a dollar coin. I could hear some people coming up behind me, more than likely coming down to buy. I nodded my thanks, rushing up the stairs to the cafe. It was directly across from the smoking room, but in my opinion, much better furnished. White cane chairs, white tables and wide windows to admit a large amount of light which was needed for the crawling vines that were along the walls. Potted palms were placed in such a way that it seemed to create a garden inside.

Mother was sat a table with another woman, older and quite loud. In fact the woman called out to me. "That must be your girl, come here honey. Your mother's been talking all about you."

"Oh I hardly doubt that," I demurred, taking a seat at their table.

"It's been constant, if you'd believe it." The woman held out a hand. "Margaret Brown, pleasure to meet you Anastasia."

"I met Mrs. Brown on my way in. She has interests out west." Mother took up her tea cup. "But she is travelling to New York for a short trip before she returns."

"Turns out we know some of the same people out there." Mrs. Brown was enthusiastic as she began to talk about families in Colorado and California, some of whom I did remember. Dalian Shipping operated on both coasts and I knew we had transported something for the families she mentioned. The routes to China and Japan were some of our most profitable, taking out raw materials and returning with various luxuries.

I found I enjoyed Mrs. Brown, she was a breath of fresh air compared to the other women in the cafe. Such large hats, such high lace collars, it made me glad to see Mother not indulge in these styles, usually. She was more likely to wear a plain dress at home, well made but plain. Here though she did indulge, although her hat was smaller and her collar was set low, showing off the pearls she had received at her marriage to Father.

I could hear a muffled whistle through the window. "Oh, we must be leaving port."

"Were you able to see the ship come into port?" Mother asked as she rose.

I followed her, "Yes, it was quite exciting. I could not imagine getting out of one of those tenders and onto the ship."

"And there was no incident?"

I remembered standing close to Will, his hand on my waist. The press of his hand against mine, the sudden way my heart had raced. I ducked my head to hide my blush. "No, everything was fine."

Chapter Text

After lunch Mother retired to the reading room while I set off again for the officer's mess. This situation needed to be handled quickly. The engines were running smoothly, the ship pulling away from Ireland at a fast clip. So much so that whatever breeze there was was offset by the wind of our passage. Fortunately it was blowing towards me, so i was spared the ignominy of having to pull my hair away from my face. I approached the officer's mess, glancing through the window. It was only Will, more than likely he had just gotten off his watch and was helping himself to some much needed food.

I strode in, closing the door firmly behind me and reaching over to draw the shade. I then sat across from him, his eyes bulging. I kept myself composed, holding onto some resolve deep down. "We need to talk."

"Miss Dalian, this is not the place." He set his fork down. "Nor the time."

"I needed a private place." I set my jaw, drawing in a firm breath. "I am going to tell you what happened that night and why you are nothing like that man."

"You do not need to."

"I do Mr. Murdoch, and you will listen." I drew in another breath, trying to calm the inevitable quiver in my voice. "It was three years ago, at a party for some opera or some other artistic endeavor. I will admit to having drunk too much champagne, and I thought Zachary Reichster to be nothing more than an annoying acquaintance, but not a threat. So when he offered me a cigarette, which I had never had before, I followed him to a hallway. It would be a fun story to share, an illicit smoke while the debutantes batted their eyes." I could feel the damn wrenching in my chest, my voice warbling. "He then attempted to draw me further on, to a bedroom, his hands going ... everywhere. It was only by grabbing a candelabra and striking him with it I was able to escape. I ran to my parents, and have done my best to avoid the cad but he inevitably rears his ugly head."

"Damn it," I muttered as I could feel tears pricking at my eyes, "I always do this."

There was a scraping against the floor as Will pushed his chair away, coming to sit beside me. I felt his hand on my back, rubbing it gently. "You don't have to say anymore."

I sniffed, trying to force the tears away. "No, I do. You have been kind to me and I do not want you to think in anyway you are like him. What you did was nothing like that." I quickly pulled out the handkerchief, wrapping it around my fingers. "I had intended to give this to you, a peace offering, but would you mind if I used it?"

"No, here," He took it from my hands, gently wiping at whatever tears had escaped. "That was a great cruelty that man did to you."

"Yes."

We sat in silence, him folding the handkerchief up and putting it in a pocket. "How old were you?"

"Twenty-two."

"So that would make you twenty-five now."

"Yes, and you?"

"Thirty-nine."

"Married?"

"Once, she passed four years ago. Cholera."

I saw his eyes begin to tear. I placed a hand on his arm, squeezing it. "I'm sorry."

"I try not to think about it much."

I struggled to find something to say. "I imagine distraction from your thoughts is rather easy here." I reached over to grasp his hand, finally free of his gloves. "So many things to attend to."

Will wrapped his fingers around mine, the skin rough even after the protection of his gloves. "Yes, there is much distraction with a ship of this size." He pointed towards the clock on the wall. "I have to set those clocks every morning."

"All the clocks on the ship?"

"Every one."

"You must be quite fast to set every clock each morning."

Will chuckled. "Hardly, the master clocks are in the bridge. Once I change them every clock onboard changes with them."

We settled into a companionable silence, his hand still grasping mine. I leaned back in my chair. "So what else do you do every day? Can't all be talking to first class passengers."

"Well, I stand watch. I wind the clock each morning, as I said. We measure the water temperature every two hours, receive messages, and a hundred other things. Oh, and we deal with nosy passengers." He laughed a little, looking at me. "Nothing like you of course, some idiot invented a lottery based on how many miles are traveled on some steamer awhile back and it's all the rage. They try and weasel hints out of us. And what's a day like for you?"

"Oh it's quite boring, all teas and dinners and did you see who where and with what."

"I imagine a lot of clothing changes."

"Yes, heaven forbid you wear a tea dress to a dinner party." I laughed, trying to cover my mouth and be polite about it.

"What will you do now that we've had our little discussion here?" Will asked, glancing towards the clock. It was getting on in the day, soon enough there'd be a bugle call for dinner.

"Change my dress and listen to some discussion at dinner I suppose," I said, standing and brushing out my skirt. "Father has arranged it with this steel tycoon heir."

"A possible match?"

"Hardly, he's bringing his fiancée and her mother."

"You sound so thrilled." I could feel the sarcasm dripping off his voice.

"To be quite honest, Will, I much more enjoy our discussions than those I will have at dinner."

"You haven't even had those discussions yet, how could you know?"

"Believe me, if you had to sit through even one of those dinners you'd understand."

He chuckled, "I have occasionally had to endure one. I know what you mean. If you do not mind me asking, have any of those club boys you've spoke of come calling recently? Anyone of your set you fancy?"

I blinked, mind whirring. Was he interested? In me? "I have not found any of them to my liking."

"And your parents have not pushed for you to make some match to advance yourself? Or themselves?"

"My parents married for love, and my father has a large enough fortune that he has told anyone suggesting a match of that nature to walk away. I have been afforded a great many opportunities by the results of his work and I would not see it squandered by those spendthrifts." I had thought about this before, and had often been asked this question by the other society girls. They thought it was funny, the only thing one should love about their husband was the size of his account.

He stood, bringing the handkerchief up again and gently brushing at any remaining tear tracks. "You've got a good head on your shoulders then."

I watched him fold it up and tuck it into his sleeve. "Thank you, Will. That's, that's not something I hear from men very often."

"Will you still arrive early tomorrow?"

"If that works for you."

He gently gripped my hands, a slight pressure that set my heart to fluttering again. "Then until the morrow, Anastasia."

"Until tomorrow, Will."

Soon enough I was ensconced in some new dress, chiffon and beaded net over a beautiful light gray silk. I was escorted into the dining saloon by Father, Mother on his other side. My white silk gloves were bunching at my elbows, and I kept reaching over to tug them up. Father steered us towards a table, nodding at the occupants. I recognized Cal Hockley, a scandal magnet if there ever was one. The pale red haired woman next to him must be his fiancee. I tried to catch her eyes and smile, but she seemed to see right through me.

"Ah, the Dalians. A pleasure to see you once again." Cal said, rising to shake Father's hand. "My intended, Rose DeWitt Bukater and her mother, Ruth." He gestured towards the red haired woman and an older woman across from her.

"My daughter Anastasia," Father replied, handing me down into a chair. "And my wife, Ruth."

"Well, we are a matched pair then." Mrs. DeWitt Bukater replied with a slight laugh. "Rose, don't be rude, greet our guests."

Rose, her face blank, looked up. "Hello." She was pretty in a pale way, tender blue eyes and a peaches and cream complexion. Her dress set her complexion off wonderfully, beaded black tulle over red silk.

Mrs. DeWitt Bukater pursed her lips. "Please excuse her, she has been rather melancholic lately. I imagine she is nervous about her wedding, it will be so soon after we dock." She turned to Mother, "Do you suppose you could come up from New York? The invitations have been sent but you should be able to be fit in with no issue."

A waiter dipped in front of Mother, filling her wine glass and giving her a moment to respond. "If you wire me the date when you arrive I'm sure something can be arranged." The other Ruth at our table smiled widely at that and began discussing wedding preparations with Mother, not understanding that Mother had effectively sidestepped agreeing to anything. More than likely all Mrs. DeWitt Bukater would receive would be thoughtfully worded letter expressing our regret at being unable to attend, and perhaps a flower arrangement.

I watched Rose throughout dinner. She ate without tasting, spoke when spoken to, and hardly did anything without some kind of initial input, like a machine. When Cal leaned over to speak to her she gave short answers, shorter than she gave to anyone else. When I heard that her bridesmaid dresses were being done by Lucille, Lady Duff Gordon, I tried to draw her into conversation. "Her creations are rather interesting. Did she give your bridesmaid dresses a name?"

"What?" Her voice was quiet.

"I was reading in La Mode Illustrée about her gowns, she has given each a name. Has she named your gowns?"

"Oh, yes. The Joy of Helen of Troy upon Seeing Paris."

I giggled. "A bit theatrical, don't you think?" Rose slowly blinked, then sipped from her glass. That was the extent of our discussion. Dinner was interminable, the men ordering an extra round of brandy and scotch before they even adjourned to the smoking room. Around halfway through the round Rose, stood, asked for and was granted her mother's permission to leave.

I could have sworn I saw tears in her eyes.

My mother and I excused ourselves to the writing room. It was a feminine retreat, yellow and blue silk chairs clustered around dark wooden tables while potted palms stood watch. Paper and pens were spread over the tables and a Royal Mail box was attached to a wall. A large set of bookcases took up a wall, the books free to borrow for passengers a sign informed. Mother had sat down to write a letter and I had begun to look through the books when a shrill laugh cut through the silence.

"Ruth! Oh, it's been too long!" Samantha Reichster's voice was high and bubbly, almost girlish. A few other ladies were following her in, champagne flutes clutched in their hands.

"Samantha, it is so nice to see you again." Mother kept her voice calm, her pen still moving on the paper.

"Oh, just a moment." Samantha said, turning back to the door. "Zachary! Look who's here!"

My hand started to shake, and I quickly grabbed whatever book was nearest to calm it. I dropped into a chair, trying to hide myself behind a palm. I fumbled at the pages, gloves hindering my movements. Finally I managed to get it to stop, finding myself looking at a diagram of an African hippo. I ducked my head, studying the figure intensely. I heard him enter, "Why the Dalians! What a pleasure!" Footsteps, muffled by the carpet. "Ruth, you look as stunning as ever." The muffled sound again, closer now. "And 'Stasia, still burying yourself in your books, eh?"

I looked up, seeing the green eyes and slick black hair of a handsome man, the lips that made most of the girls swoon at the mere thought of kissing them. I could feel my own lips tremble, "Hello, Zachary."

"Oh come now, is that all you can say to an old friend?" He reached over and plucked the book from my hands. "An Inventory of African Species? My God, we must get you over to the concert before you turn into a bluestocking!" He carelessly threw the book onto a table, reached over and pulled me up. "It's just beyond the lounge, I'll escort you. You know Lady Duff-Gordon is there, I'm sure she has on one of her creations. Can you imagine what she must look like when she wears someone else's clothes? I can't imagine she ever did, probably designed her own diapers."

"Zachary, please." I muttered, "I don't want to go to the concert, I was hoping for a quiet night."

"Oh, Zachary, why don't you show Ruth the new tango you picked up in France before you two head off?" Samantha called out, having settled with her ladies onto a settee. Her bouncing black curls bobbed back and forth as she shook her head at me. "You must let him lead you my dear, it's so fast but quite beautiful when done correctly and Zachary has practiced it for so long. He has always said that you are his favorite partner for the tango."

"Oh, mother, you know 'Stasia is my favorite partner for all dances." He said, pulling me forward. "I was so disappointed to hear that you had quit Paris a week before we arrived. I had thought to take you to the Ritz and dance the night away. But now is just as good."

Mother stood. "It's not necessary, I'm sure we will see your dance at some point."

"Oh Ruth, please come here. Watch them!" One of Samantha's friends called out. I tried to stop, to pull myself away but his grip was strong and he quickly pulled me up against him. Even without music he kept excellent time, my feet stumbling while his were sure in guiding us around a clear area. His fingers dug into my waist, and I had to grab at his shoulders to stop from falling as I instinctively tried to pull myself away. We moved quickly, and I could hardly catch Mother's eye. I actually couldn't see her until Zachary stopped, his hand moving farther down from my waist in some finishing move that sent me leaning far away, only supported by his hand.

"Wasn't that marvelous, Ruth?" Samantha said, applauding. "I hope you were asking that stewardess for some more champagne, I'm out!" That set off a loud round of laughter, all of her friends agreeing and asking that more drinks be brought. Mother had resumed her seat at her writing table, her head down.

"It was very nice, quite fast." Mother spoke calmly, although I could see by the set of her jaw she was furious.

"But that's not all, and I know how much you love to waltz, 'Stasia dear, so I learned this one too." Zachary said, pulling me closer. "It's quite easy, just follow my lead." He moved his face closer to mine, his voice dropping to a whisper. "God, you're a vision. And that dress, so becoming." I was suddenly aware of the relatively low neckline of the dress, and the fact that this close he could see right down to the very last bits of skin on display. "Just, follow me love. You know I'd never let you fall."

"Zachary, please, I am very tired."

"You weren't tired at the Vanderbilt party when we shared that cigarette, and that was at midnight. I've seen you dance until six in the morning."

"I haven't been sleeping well on the ship." I lied, feeling my skin crawl as his hand moved down my arm to grip my hand. His fingers wound between mine, their grip strong and sure.

"Oh 'Stasia, you don't lie well, you know that." Zachary dropped his head down, "Now, one, two, three. One, two, three." His voice rose as he began to spin, pulling me along with him. The graceful waltz, my favorite dance, now felt disgusting as he reversed and stepped closer to me. I moved away, but he followed quickly, and reversed again as he pulled me closer. My stomach roiled as he laughed, "So graceful, isn't she Mother?"

"Of course, Zachary. You two always did make a good match for a waltz." Samantha called out, before turning to her group and beginning yet another round of gossip. "Have you heard what the Fishes are planning for Easter? She's got something with that Lehr of hers planned out."

I felt myself miss a step, stumbling into him. I tried to move back and he held me in a grip of steel. "I'm sorry, I tripped."

"Oh, it's no problem 'Stasia." He replied, stepping up against me so he was practically pressed against me. "Like I said, I'll never let you fall. You know that, don't you? After all, what's a little stubbed toe between the two of us? You're usually so light on your feet, must not have expected to be dancing tonight. Or am I to assume that you've finally fallen for me?"

"I just tripped, Zachary. Now please, I am tired."

"Surely one more round?"

"No, please let me go." I said, tugging against his grip.

"Come on, the concert should be starting soon." He acted as if he didn't hear me, instead pulling me along as he moved towards the door. "We'll get a seat up close, and maybe we can show off our new dances for everyone. I'm sure you'll have all the other girls jealous."

The door clicked as someone from outside opened it. A familiar voice, a Scottish brogue lilting against the words slightly, spoke. "Pardon me ladies, I just wanted to ensure that you have everything you need." Will had entered the reading room, his hand held in his hands by the shining patent leather brim. I tried to say something, but all I could feel was Zachary's hands and my voice died in my throat. Will couldn't get me away from him, not without some incident.

"Please, more champagne!" Samantha called out, not even bothering to look at who was standing there.

Will looked over, his face calm and composed as he saw Zachary and I. "And you, sir?"

"We're going to the concert, if you'll excuse us." He replied, tugging me along.

I will gladly admit to the fall being completely intentional, but my foot actually turning was not intended and I quickly grabbed at my ankle. "Oh!"

Will was kneeling next to me in an instant, "Are you alright, Miss?"

"I think I have turned my ankle," I panted, and quickly summoned some weak cry of pain when he brought his hand up to gingerly touch it. I only had to add a little onto it, it really did hurt. "Please, do you think you could help me back to my cabin, sir?"

"Help her up and I will see her to the concert, and then to her cabin." Zachary said, reaching out a hand.

"Sir, I actually fear we may have to summon the ship's doctor. I would not want to keep you from your entertainment." Will replied, gently probing at my ankle. I gave a whimper, pressing my hand to my forehead as if I might faint.

"Really Zachary, go enjoy the concert." I tried to summon a weak smile. "I'm sure this man will be able to help me."

There was a sudden flutter of feminine movement coming from the couches and chairs that had been commandeered. A flurry of chiffon and lace descended as the ladies gathered around, their hands reaching out as if to offer some comfort without actually touching me.

"Oh Anastasia!"

"Sweetheart, does it hurt terribly?"

"You poor dear, please sir, summon the doctor straight away!"

Mother cut through them. "Please ladies, I am her mother, I will handle it." She walked over, and I sniffed loudly. "Sir, please take her to her cabin and summon the doctor. Zachary, I am afraid I will have to insist on her resting. I hope you enjoy the concert." Her smile was brittle when she turned to him, and he quickly made some flustered remark and left the room. Will helped me up, and I stumbled into him when I tried to put weight on my foot.

I mumbled an apology, but he waved it away. "Not a problem Miss, let's get you moving."

He supported me quite well, without having to throw my arm over his shoulder but merely holding my arm in a firm but gentle grip and letting me lean on him. He was perfectly professional, nodding to those who saw us and giving our deck to the lift attendant. I managed to hold everything together until we exited the lift. The passageways were deserted, only a steward making his way past us. I could feel my breathing getting ragged as his footsteps faded, and as soon as they were gone I fell apart.

I did not cry. I did not shed tears or bawl my heart out. I merely felt my confidence crumble and my limbs begin shaking uncontrollably. Will reached over, grabbing my other hand. "Anastasia, what is happening?"

I couldn't speak, could only try to draw breath, but it felt like I was choking. Like Zachary's hands were still on me and were slowly choking the life out of me. I couldn't stand, and Will quickly threw his arms around me and lifted my feet off the ground. My head was on his shoulder, and I could feel him breathe. But I couldn't, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. He continued on, and I heard him open my cabin door and suddenly I was sat on the bed with him in front of me. "Anastasia, breathe." I pulled in a breath, wheezing. My lungs wouldn't open, and I couldn't stop shaking. God, it had almost happened again. What was wrong with me? Why did I stop dancing? Why didn't I scream? I'd swore if he touched me again to scream, to hit him. Why hadn't I done it? Why, why, why? Will gripped me, running his hands up and down my arms. "You need to breathe. Talk to me."

My voice trembled. "He-he was there. I didn't, I didn't do anything."

"You couldn't." His voice was calm. "Your mother explained it quite thoroughly to the stewardess she sent to fetch me. He was forcing himself on you again. It wasn't your fault."

"I told him I didn't want to, I didn't want him to whirl me around." I drew in another breath, and another. "But he just kept going. And he wouldn't listen. I didn't want to dance, I didn't, I swear." I gulped down air, crossing my arms over my chest and bending across my lap. I didn't know why, something to make me feel secure. I felt the bed settle down beside me.

"Shh," Will had sat down, running his hand up and down my back. "He's a bastard is what he is."

I burst out laughing, rather hysterically. "Will, really?" It was just so absurd to hear him curse like that. I tried to sit up, a slight twinge in my back making it difficult to move quickly.

"It broke you out of it." He gave me a crooked smile. "Now, let me take a look at your ankle." He knelt down, gently unbuttoning my shoe and he suddenly stopped. His hand had moved up my leg slightly before he stilled. I had shivered at his touch, the fluttering in my heart not having a thing to do with my now slowing breath. He glanced up at me and quickly looked away. "Could you, um, roll down your stocking?"

I blushed, leaning over to roll it down. I hadn't thought of that, and he would have had to reach far up under my skirt to find the garter. "There. Sorry."

"Ah, well. It doesn't look too bad." He set his whole attention to my ankle. It was slightly red, but not bloody. "No swelling, and it doesn't feel broken." He pressed his fingers hard against it and I winced. "You should be alright by tomorrow."

I let my skirt back down, smoothing it. "Tomorrow then? Morning, outside the bridge?"

"I was thinking breakfast, if you'd like. I could come here and escort you."

I smiled at him, looking into those clear blue eyes. "I would."

"Then I bid you a good night, Anastasia." He tipped his cap, then stepped away. The door shut softly behind him, and I made my way, slowly, over to the private bath, and turned the hot water on. It took time to fill, but it also took a good deal of time for me to unbutton my dress and remove the rest of my clothing. I settled down into the hot water, reached for a bar of lavender milled soap, and set myself to scrubbing. And scrubbing.

I still felt dirty when I crawled into bed.

Chapter Text

I was awoken by Marie in the morning, despite the light that had apparently been streaming through my windows. She was brisk in terms of getting me up and moving, and spoke little except to ask me to raise my feet so she could button my shoes on. She bobbed and left, and I tried to distract myself from my thoughts. I had been unable to sleep for most of the night, my mind whirling as fast as Zachary had spun me around the reading room. I had heard my parents having a discussion throughout the night, their words muffled but I could hear when their voices were raised, when Mother broke down in tears, when Father left the room and slammed the door.

Needless to say, my night had not been very restful.

I sat at my vanity, trying to find something to occupy my mind. I did not travel with many cosmetics, some powder and a light rouge. My pot of rose cold cream, a small bottle of Florida water and a hairbrush. I picked up the Florida water, pouring a little into my hands and running it through my hair. I brushed it in, the citrus scent perfuming the air. Just a slight scent though, I had always heard from Mother and the other older ladies that heavy perfume was the mark of a loose woman.

I jumped when a knock sounded, the brush clattering out of my hand, off the edge of the vanity and onto the carpeted floor. I dropped to my knees to grab it. "Just a moment!" I called out, standing and reaching for the shared door. Mother was still in bed, but Father had made his way to their table and begun eating. "Father, I am going to breakfast."

"Anastasia, we need to talk about what happened last night." He set down his fork, blotting at his face with his napkin. "I have half a mind to lock you up here to keep him away from you."

"Father, please, I have promised Mr. Murdoch an early breakfast. Zachary is probably sleeping off his hangover."

"Mr. Murdoch, that would be the officer escorting you, correct?"

"Yes, Father and he is here right now to take me up." I looked back over my shoulder toward my own cabin door. "Please Father, I cannot leave him waiting."

Father stood, coming over to look down at me. I tried to summon a brave smile, as if last night's events had been put firmly behind me and would never bother me again. I felt him pick up my hands, bringing them up and kissing them lightly. "I will not keep you. When he goes on watch your mother will meet you at the officer's promenade, you are to stay with her all day until he can come back." He brought his hand up to my cheek. "He must be enjoying your company quite a bit if he's willing to take you to breakfast."

"Father, Mr. Murdoch has been nothing but kind to me these past few days and I have enjoyed spending time with him. He even helped me back to my cabin last night, and what does it matter if I enjoy his company? You've never tried to limit who I associate with."

He held up a hand to interrupt my tirade."I jest my dear, but we shall see how kind he is after he watches you devour half the breakfast table." Father chuckled, "Go on, enjoy yourself." I spun back, letting the light white cotton of my skirt settle before opening the door. Will was standing there, running his fingers through his hair while he held his cap in the other hand.

I closed the door behind me as I stepped out. "Good morning, Will."

"Anastasia, I hope your ankle is better." He offered me his arm.

"Much, although I will be glad to lean on you a bit." I replied, letting him walk us, slowly, up to the dining saloon. It was fairly empty, early rising was not a habit of most of the ton. We ordered our food and were assured it would come quickly due to the lack of patrons at the moment. I took a drink of water before I spoke again. "Thank you for last night, you didn't have to stay."

"It wouldn't have been right to leave you like that." Will said, his voice gentle. "Besides, I just couldn't stand to see you that way. Not over him."

"Yes, well, I'm afraid I was a bit more upset at myself."

"That's foolish." Will placed his cap on an unoccupied chair before continuing. "You did nothing wrong, he was the one who acted beyond what he should have." I could see him bite his lip before muttering, "If only I could have grabbed the Master-At-Arms from what he was doing."

"Pardon?"

"There was an incident last night that necessitated the Master-At-Arms to intervene. After I left you I went to go find him to determine if something could be done about your situation but he was attending to that, so I was unable to."

I leaned forward, "That was nice of you, but tell me, what happened? Nothing serious, I hope."

Will cast a glance around, pitching his voice low so that I had to lean even further in. "Miss DeWitt Bukater and a steerage passenger were caught on the stern deck. She said he saved her when she fell over the railing while looking at the screws, but from what I hear he was found on top of her, lying on the deck, with his shoes and jacket removed."

"No, you must be joking." I couldn't help the little gasp. An engaged society woman, possibly about to be violated by a steerage passenger and she invents a whole rescue story? By God, was he actually trying to force himself? Or did she actually fall and almost die? It made what happened to me last night seem so trivial by comparison. An unwanted dance had sent me quivering like a jelly.

"I hear they even invited him to dine here tonight." Will grinned, "You'll have to give me a report on how everything goes, the other officers are quite curious about what exactly went on." Our waiter then showed up with the food and conversation fell by the wayside as we set to. The steward paced a bowl of oatmeal and a plate of smoked salmon in front of Will, with a glass of orange juice. My order wound up taking up the majority of the table; bacon, grilled sausage, fried eggs, cornbread and honey, with a glass of milk.

Will looked up from his oatmeal. "Will you eat all of that?"

I had already polished off the plate of bacon, "Oh yes, I quite enjoy breakfast."

"I'm amazed you can eat anything the rest of the day."

"Sometimes I forget to eat lunch, so I find it better to eat a large breakfast." I swallowed before smiling at him, reaching for the fried eggs. Delicious, perfectly seasoned and they went well with the grilled sausage I paired them with on my fork. I saved the cornbread for the last, sopping up the last bit of honey with it. The steward fairly goggled when he came back to our table, plates clean and stacked for him. We sat for a few more moments, and I almost fell asleep before I heard Will's chair move back.

"I hate to interrupt your nap, but my watch begins soon. Shall we?"

I took his arm, "That is the drawback to a large breakfast, all you want to do is go back to sleep." He gave a laugh at that,

When we reached the boat deck, a ways away from the officer's promenade where I could see Mother waiting, I pulled Will aside. "I think I am going use your method to help myself avoid a re-occurrance of my spell last night."

"My method?"

"Distraction, I shall find various tasks to distract myself all day and keep my mind away from thinking about it. I shall write a letter, and take tea, and read a book. And perhaps a nap."

"And if your unwanted admirer shows himself?"

"Well, I certainly won't invent some story about him rescuing me while I was looking at the propellers. I shall find my parents, my Father specifically, or run to my cabin and shut myself in." I tried to sound confident, to be sure of myself.

But I must have given something away, for Will gently took my hand. "If only there was something we could do to have him locked in the brig for the rest of the voyage. As it is, I cannot have him locked up because he was making you dance with him."

"Perhaps if I hit him?"

"Then it might be you in the brig." Will chuckled, leading me back out onto the promenade. The day was breezy, and slightly chilly. I was glad for the wool jacket I wore, and the layer of petticoats protecting my legs, the wind blew right through the thin material of my skirt. It was a short walk until we reached Mother by the gate to the officer's promenade. Will tipped his cap. "Mrs. Dalian, your daughter to be returned to your custody."

"Thank you Officer Murdoch." She nodded, the stuffed bluejay on her hat straining to stay upright against the wind. "I was hoping Mr. Murdoch, in light of the service you provided for Anastasia last night, you would accept an invitation to the restaurant for dinner tomorrow night."

Will stepped forward to the gate, "I would enjoy it, Mrs. Dalian. Please, send a steward for me when you have the time and I will be there." I gave him a wave as he stepped around, back toward the bridge.

A similarly dressed man exited, coming towards us. "Excuse me, ladies."

I recognized the voice. "Second Officer Lightoller, I hope you're doing well."

He stopped, looking at me. "Ah, Miss Dalian. A pleasure to see you, Mr. Murdoch has been filled with nothing but praise for your daughter, Ma'am." He said turning to Mother. "I can certainly see where she gets her good looks from."

"Why Mr. Lightoller, you flatter me." Mother demurred. "I do hope Mr. Murdoch has not praised my daughter too highly. I should hate for her to be thinking too much of herself."

"Not at all, he speaks only of her beauty, wit, and kindness." Lightoller caught my eye as he gave a crooked smile. I could feel heat rush to my face and ducked to hide my blush.

"Well, give him my thanks for his compliments." Mother said, "We will not delay you any longer."

"Ladies." Officer Lightoller touched his cap, moving down to what I could recognize as the mess.

We had already started back down the deck when she turned to me. "Have you made the acquaintance of all the officers onboard this ship?"

"Only those two Mother, I spoke to Mr. Lightoller yesterday morning when trying to find Mr. Murdoch."

"Mr. Murdoch reminds me very much of Captain Hector. Do you remember when your father took him, fresh off the boat, hadn't even changed his clothes yet, and sat him right down in Sherry's for dinner?"

I laughed. "Mrs. Guggenheim wouldn't even look at you for a month."

"And when we went to her party she complained of the smell of fish the whole time she was near us." Mother chuckled. "It is rather fun to tweak her nose."

"I wonder how everyone will react to the young Miss DeWitt Bukater's guest tonight." I mused, looking out toward the horizon. Now that was a major faux pas for ths first class, associating with the lower classes, especially on a ship like this where everything felt even more stratified than back on land.

"Her guest?" Mother paused, looking curiously at me. I quickly filled her in on what Will had told me, and her face grew rather pale at hearing about Rose's trials. "And she is bringing him to dinner in the saloon tonight?"

"Yes, I wonder what he will do."

A more snobbish woman would have refused to even consider being in the same room. But Mother had come up to her current status from being a shopkeeper's daughter, lucky to have been noticed by Father on a train switch. So in terms of inviting the lower class to her table, she was very forward thinking. Our ship captains, and even some crew members, received invitations to family dinners almost as soon as their ships tied up. The ladies from much older families often gave her grief, asking how she could stand to be around men who smelled of sweat and coal. Mother let them have their fun, but she always reminded me. These men leave their families behind and risk their lives for our company, it is so little to offer them a warm meal and a willing ear.

Mother stepped back from the rail to continue on. "I am sure he will do quite well. Now, shall we return to where we were so rudely interrupted last night?" With that we set off for the reading room, which this time was actually filled with women quietly scratching away at letters. I myself took a sheet of paper and a pen, setting down in a chair to write.

Ezekiel,

I hope you are doing well, and your family too. This letter should reach you fairly quickly I hope, after all I am writing it on the mail ship! I hope you will have time to come see the ship before she leaves again. She is so grand, and everything is beautiful. Even the lavatories are beautiful! The food is far beyond even what I am used to, I shall have to get our cook to try and copy something the next time you come over.

Are you still setting out with Abraham? I thought I had heard something about him finally judging you worthy of your own vessel, but I cannot remember. Even so, I am glad to have you close for the moment. To have a friend to speak to about everything that has happened. I told you briefly of what we wanted to accomplish on this trip, and I must report that we were unsuccessful. The most knowledgeable doctors we went to could find nothing wrong with Father, physically or emotionally. And I have more bad news, the Reichsters are onboard this ship and he still refuses to accept defeat.

If you meet us at the dock, do you think you could accidentally throw him into the harbor?

I hesitate to write this, but I know how much your family has tried to set us up despite our reluctance. I have met someone onboard. He is an officer, and he has been kind to me and I feel that he might fancy me. I find that I already fancy him. I am unsure of how to proceed, I have so little experience in these matters. Perhaps an offer to come visit our home while the ship is docked? But please, tell your mother that she can stop pushing you at me, that I consider you far more a sibling than a suitor. I know we agreed to that with each other long ago, but your mother is nothing if not persistent.

Your loving friend,
Anastasia

P.S Give your love to your Mother and siblings for me.

I folded the letter up, obtained an envelope and dropped it into the Royal Mail box. More than likely this letter wouldn't get opened until Ezekiel and his father returned from their latest trip. His little brother Joshua might have already started out with them. I couldn't help but smile as I thought about the Fields family and their Biblical names. A paternal tradition, apparently, it had lead to Ezekiel, Joshua, David, Rachel and Mary receiving endless rounds of teasing from the other children. Abraham had been sailing for Father since before I was born, the two were quite close, and I had latched onto his children as a substitute for my lack of siblings.

We were rather wild when we were young, and I provided the backing for our crazy trips. Father didn't notice when I took a few dollars from his billfold, but Mother did notice when I didn't show at the dinner party she was holding. And when a police officer brought us back from Coney Island, dropping us off in shame at the front door.

Ezekiel, David, Rachel and I had wanted to go to the place for so long but our parents had forbid it. So we did it ourselves, we rode the steeplechase and saw the wild animals and ate ice cream until we were sick. But an officer had cornered us, demanding to know where our parents were and we broke immediately into tears. Confronted with five crying children, his solution was to haul us back to my house and leave us for our parents to deal with. We had all received a rather firm spanking and it had almost led to a split between our families.

Us children were forbidden from seeing each other, but two weeks later Ezekiel had rowed a boat up to the docks near the house, snuck up over the wall into a courtyard, and managed to get inside. He had come straight to Father and presented him with full payment for what we had taken, and told him that he was so sorry but he wanted to fix things between our families, so could Anastasia come out to play right now?

Father had melted like butter, and our families were soon the closest of friends again.

Mother had apparently been roped into taking tea with Mrs. DeWitt Bukater and her group, the Countess of Rothes and Lucille. So I found myself in the Parisian Cafe again, nibbling on a tea sandwich while listening to them prattle on. We had only made a brief stop in our cabins to grab a hat for me, a delightful white confection of silk and lace, with a small veil across the front edge. Of course, one couldn't take tea without a hat. We had barely sat down before Mother excused herself, saying she had forgot something in her cabin. I placed a small amount of sugar and cream in my cup, watching those around us.

"I have seen Zachary Reichster onboard, do you know each other?" Mrs. DeWitt Bukater inquired as she stirred her own tea. "I would think with both of you being in the New York set and your families engaged in the same business you would."

I almost dropped my cup. "We are acquainted."

"He would be a good match for you, I would think. A chance to combine your family businesses." Mrs. DeWitt Bukater gave me a smile and I'm sure she expected me to simper and gently beg for her assistance. After all, what single society girl wouldn't want a helping hand in snaring a rich, handsome man?

"Oh I don't know, Mrs DeWitt Bukater. Zachary has so many women chasing after him, I'm sure I would only be another nuisance." I tried to pass it off with a chuckle.

"He seems perfectly charming. I shall speak to him for you. It is a shame to see a woman of your age without a suitor." She took another sip of tea. "We do get the New York columns up in Philadelphia, I haven't seen any mention of you with a suitor for a few years now. Plenty of parties, yes, but no carriage rides with the eleigible young men I am sure teem around you."

I scrambled for something. "Oh, well, I have been considering continuing my education." A flat out lie, but something I could spin. "I thought to enter university and study, perhaps something to assist my family's business, economics or something to do with maritime studies. After all, I am my parent's only child, I feel it is only right to learn as much as I can for when I have to take it over."

"Surely you'd expect your husband to take over the business when the time came?" Lucille set her cup down, "I would think such matters would be too complex for a young lady of breeding."

"Really, my dear, why would you ever think of joining a university?" The Countess laughed. "Next thing you'll be marching with those suffragettes!" That set off a gale of laughter from the three, and my mother quickly found us.

"What ever is so funny, ladies?"

Mrs. DeWitt Bukater turned to her, "Your daughter was thinking about joining a university!"

"Would you not want Rose to go to one if she desired?"

"Of course, but the purpose of university is to find a husband, Rose has already done that." Mrs. DeWitt Bukater simpered, clearly expecting her barb to affect Mother in some way. Mother simply sipped her tea, smiling blandly at the others.

Lucille started. "Here comes that vulgar Brown woman."

They quickly rose, Mrs. DeWitt Bukater hissing, "Quick, before she decides to sit with us."

But Mrs. Brown was nothing if not tenacious. Their excuses about taking the air were brushed aside and Mrs. Brown quickly fell into the group as they moved off. I watched them leave, Mrs. Brown's laugh loud and easy as they went outside.

Mother set her tea cup down. "Since when have you been considering university?"

I drained my cup before I answered. "I had to distract her, she was dead set on creating some kind of match between Zachary and I."

She pursed her lips. "That woman is like a dog with a bone in terms of matrimonial matters."

"I think it comes from all that old blood in them, rearranges their priorities."

"Marriage is a priority Anastasia, we do expect you to marry at some point."

"I know Mother, but nothing has come along." I dropped by eyes, trying not to think of Will's blue eyes and the touch of his hand on my back. "At least for the moment."

"Anastasia, look at me." She commanded, and years of training made me look into her hazel eyes. She could find anything out with that command. "Have you come across someone on this crossing?"

My mouth suddenly went dry. "I-I may have, but I am unsure at the moment."

"Would it be Mr. Murdoch?" I tried to look away, but her hand was quickly on mine and her voice firm. "Answer me, my dear."

"Yes." I kept my answer short, not trusting myself to elaborate.

"Well, I cannot say it was unexpected. Especially after last night." Mother quickly released me, rising from her seat.

I followed her. "Mother, I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean."

"It seems much like how your father and I met, a chance meeting, a few days of companionship. I will keep this to myself for now but you must speak to your father about this before we dock, the last thing we need for him at the moment is a sudden shock of Mr. Murdoch showing up at the front door to escort you somewhere."

"Then, you do not disapprove?"

We had gained the promenade deck, enclosed from the wind blowing along the other decks. She stopped at a window, looking out toward the horizon. "We agreed to let you make your own choice in this matter. At the beginning, we were worried about your judgement, but you have proven your judgement sound over the years. But this will not proceed at a rapid pace, we are not going to be reserving a church for your wedding in a few months. And I expect you to continue to be of upstanding character." She looked back at me, "Is that clear?"

I nodded quickly, the lace veil flipping in time. "Yes, Mother. I will make sure there is nothing that goes beyond what is proper."

Mother nodded, pointing at a steward with a trumpet who had just emerged from a door. "Then I suggest we go change for dinner, before that men deafens us with his playing." We proceeded down to our cabins, meeting Marie and Violetta outside. Quickly we were stripped of out day dresses and our donned our evening gowns that had been pressed and steamed. Tonight's dress was a light lavender, a small strand of pearls the only ornament I wore. Mother, as always wore the pearls Father had given her at their wedding, a large triple strand with matching drop earrings.

Edward may have had to get Father into his tails but it did go far quicker than our dressing, it must have taken twenty minutes and my hair was filled with pins and a single white feather by the time we were done. The dining saloon was rather crowded as we entered, and Father quickly led us over to greet the Astors, including JJ's new wife Madeleine who was looking distinctly green. The two of them set to conversing about some events back in New York while we tried to be kind to her. There was quite a scandal when he divorced his first wife, and the fact that his new one was 29 years his junior and now pregnant of all things. It never paid to dismiss the Astors though, regardless of how scandalous their behavior was. They were one of the top families in New York, Mrs. Astor had ruled the social scene for years before her death and the competition to replace her was fierce.

I was patiently speaking with the new Mrs. Astor about how she had found Paris when I spotted Rose walking alongside a young man with slicked back blond hair. She beckoned me over, and reached out a hand in introduction. "Jack, this is Anastasia Dalian. Anastasia, Jack Dawson."

I nodded at him. "You must be Rose's savior." He was rather handsome, in a babyfaced sort of way. I could tell he was uncomfortable in the clothes he had on though, his throat working anxiously around the tie.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." He smiled, "Rose here tells me you family owns enough boats to make your own navy."

"Well, when you're trading across five continents, it is rather necessary."

"Five, wow. Which five?"

"We have offices on both of the American coasts, some in Canada along the Great Lakes, down in Brazil, one in Egypt, of course a few in France and England, and our offices in China and Japan. We're well represented."

"And you could just, take off on any of those boats? Hit all five continents?"

I considered his question for a moment. "I suppose you could, the accommodations are not nearly as luxurious as these, but my father did do his fair share of boat hopping when he was my age."

"He must have quite a few stories then."

"If you get some brandy in him, he would be more than glad to tell you all of them." I chuckled, then noticed my parents moving off. "Oh, I must be going. Enjoy your dinner Mr. Dawson, Rose."

Their table was clearly the most popular, to the point where they were moved to a larger table to fit the rapidly growing group. We kept to our smaller table, and I could hear Jack quickly charming the vast majority of the group. Rose's mother proved a hard nut to crack, quickly bringing up his steerage passage to let him know that despite his presence tonight, he was nothing more than a piece of mud clinging to her daughter's skirts. The only interruption of our dinner was a steward appearing with a message.

"For you, Miss." He said, holding it out on a silver tray. I quickly read it and placed it into my gloves, tucking it inside the sleeve of them.

"What is it, dear?" Father asked from where he was dipping his lobster into a small bowl of melted butter.

"Oh, Mr. Murdoch has been asked to assist Mr. Andrews with something tomorrow, so he sends his regrets that he will not be able to take me for a morning promenade. In fact, he says that he will be busy almost up until dinner."

Mother looked up from her salmon. "How disappointing, but at least he will be able to come to dinner."

"Yes, I am quite looking forward to it." I said, turning back to my meal. After we finished, Mother and I excused ourselves straight back to our cabins, not taking any chances on an incident tonight.

My cabin seemed rather stuffy though, and I opened the window slightly. The breeze that blew in was cold, and I quickly hurried into my bed, drawing the blankets up high. I was excited for tomorrow, looking at the small collection of items I had accrued from my trip. The matchbook, the message that Will had quickly scrawled. As soon as I got home, I would place them in my hope chest. It contained the usual bridal trousseau collection, clothing and embroidered items that I had worked on over the years, but I also kept mementos in it. Not to mention the fact that it was an old battered sea chest, bequeathed to me by my grandfather, and far from the usual cedar chests that most girls had.

If Will agreed to a courtship, then I would keep these items and any letter from him there, where I could pick them up at any moment. I knew well enough that you cannot keep a sailor from the sea, Mother had only succeeding in grounding Father once his health had started to deteriorate. So more than likely we would spend a lot of time exchanging letters, with only brief visits when he was in port.

But letters, you could reread letters a hundred times and find something new every time.

Chapter Text

I am not ashamed to admit that I slept in the next morning, even with the cold breeze blowing in. When Marie came to shake me awake, I blearily told her I would not be going out for breakfast, and would she kindly order me cornbread, bacon and a pot of chocolate? Of course bringing that back took time, which I used by continuing to sleep. After the lack of sleep the night before, it was heavenly to sleep in.

I groggily ate breakfast, and instead of dressing for the day I returned to my bed. Full of food, and dreaming about tonight. Well, I would have slept if Mother had not torn the blankets from my bed. "You cannot sleep all day, no matter what you want."

"But Mother, there is nothing to do until later." I stretched out, searching for a bit of warmth. Marie had not closed the window and while it was warmer than last night when I had opened it, it was still rather chilly.

"I know you are excited about the dinner, but I cannot allow you to laze about." Mother pulled a dress from my closet and threw it onto me. "I expect you dressed and ready in ten minutes, Marie will be along momentarily. We shall find something to do, even if it nothing more than borrowing a book and laying in a deck chair."

I picked up the dress, smoothing out the yellow silk skirt. "Do you think they have any romances?"

"More than likely they have nothing but," Mother sighed, "If I have to read Jane Eyre one more time I will scream." She stepped out, clearing the way for Marie who quickly got me dressed and had me sit so she could begin to dress my hair.

I looked at myself in the mirror, touching my face. "Marie, do you think you could do something special with my hair tonight?"

"Whatever you have in mind, Miss." She said, draping a lock of hair over my ear.

"That's the thing, I don't have anything in mind. I will need your help, I'm rather hopeless with my hair."

"Of course, Miss." Marie finished with my hair, stepping back and waiting for dismissal. I waved her away, joining Mother in her cabin. She brought us up to the reading room, collecting a few random books before finding us a set of deck chairs. I opened my book, attempting to find some distraction in the pages.

And God, what a bore it was.

The milksop heroine did nothing but pine over her soldier, sent off to fight Napoleon's army, and slowly die of consumption while she waited for him. By the time he returned she had been buried for a month and he sat by her graveside and cried out his heart, until the heroic nun who had saved his life came to his rescue, leaving behind her vows, and he left with her to live a life bereft of his love, while she would patiently stand by him and bear his children while knowing that he would never love her as she loved him.

Fortunately the day was mostly free of the presence of Zachary, but it was also free of Will. I found I missed having him around, not just talking to him but having him near me even if we did not speak. The feeling of contentment I got around him. To know that he was nearby and would be more than willing to lend an ear or take me somewhere. There was something more though, a feeling of safety that I lacked. Even while reading I kept looking for Zachary, comforted only by Mother's presence next to me. Sometimes Zachary would respect her presence, but after the other night, apparently that time had passed. But with Will, I knew that Zachary felt some kind of threat that sent him scurrying off. I set the book down with an exaggerated sigh, "Mother, would you mind if I went to go prepare for dinner now? I feel I would like to wash."

"Go straight to the cabin and send someone for Marie." She nodded, "And ask them to return your book." I fairly flew down the staircases and through the passageways, finding a steward and relaying my requests. By the time Marie entered the cabin I was already up to my chin in hot water.

She sat beside the tub and began to rub the shampoo bar across my hair. "I take it you're excited about this dinner, Miss?"

"Am I that obvious, Marie?" I sleepily said as her fingers began to massage my scalp.

"My sister, when she first met Jean, she was just like you. Always wanted to be with him, make herself pretty for him."

I sunk beneath the water. "Oh God, so I am making a fool of myself."

Marie gently lifted my head back up. "No, you are young and besotted. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Now, get out so I can dry your hair." I rose from the tub, wrapping a towel around myself until I stepped into my dressing gown. Marie spent a solid twenty minutes drying my hair with an increasing number of towels. "Now, let's get you all ready. Have you decided on the gown?"

"The dark blue taffeta with the ivory chiffon underskirt." I knew in an instant what I wanted to wear. It was my favorite gown that I had picked up during our trip, sweeping low in the neckline and the blue silk lifted on one side to expose the ruffled chiffon. When I walked in it the chiffon would swirl out, foaming around my ankles. I had begged Mother for it, and she had not only allowed the purchase but arranged for it to be supplied before we left Paris. Marie pulled it out of the wardrobe, calling the steward to take it to be pressed. From her pocket she withdrew a small bottle and curling papers. I could smell the rose scent as she poured it into her hands, rubbed it onto her fingers and then drug her fingers through my hair. She separated my hair into a series of locks, curling the paper around them.

"There, curls in an hour. So long as you don't open that window again and catch your death of cold." She set the bottle on the vanity. "Will you want anything else for tonight?"

"My diamond earrings? You'd have to get them from the purser."

Marie drew my chin up, her eyes narrowing as she considered my appearance. "I think not, Miss. While beautiful, those are cold stones. Your pearls should suit both your complexion and your dress well." She drew out a fresh chemise and corset, stockings and shoes. I pulled the chemise on, letting it fall and swirl around my calves. The stockings I slowly rolled on, securing with a set of garters. The corset was one of the new fashioned long line ones, coming down over my hips. Marie did not tighten it too much, just enough that I felt supported. A petticoat went over the corset, dropping lower than the chemise.

By that time the gown had been pressed and returned, and it slipped on easy. While Marie busied herself with the myriad buttons on the back I drew on my silk gloves, flexing my fingers against the slight pull of them. I could not describe what Marie did with my hair to dress it, I have never been good at describing hairdressing. Suffice to say it was curled, wound around itself and piled high, held in place with enough pins that I would normally have rejected it but tonight, tonight I could endure it. Marie hooked my pearl necklace around my throat, then covered my dress with a towel as she set to with powder and rouge. She had a delicate touch, a bit of color to my lips and cheeks, blended by powder to appear as natural as could be. A few drops of Florida water completed my toilette, and Marie stood back to admire her work. "Well, whoever he is, he will not be able to resist you tonight."

I admired my reflection in the mirror, so used to seeing my own face that to see her handiwork was like seeing a familiar stranger. "Oh, Marie. Thank you, this is incredible." I looked to the window, seeing that it was dark. The time seemed to have passed so quickly, and I anxiously stood and brushed out my skirt. I looked back to the mirror, perhaps a little more rouge?

"Miss Dalian, are you ready?" Will called from outside, lightly rapping. Marie smirked at my reaction, which had sent me hurriedly patting at my hair and adjusting my necklace. I ignored that and nodded to her, stepping outside as she drew open the door. Will stood there, hat in place and wearing what looked to be a formal version of his uniform, the jacket cut longer, so it became a coat with shining brass buttons. I could see a silk tie wrapped around his throat, a starched collar peeking up. He let out a breath, stepping back. "My God, Anastasia."

I tugged at my gloves. "Do I look alright?"

He reached over, taking my hands in his. "You're beautiful." He shook his head, "Not that you are not always beautiful but, now, now you are breathtaking." My heart was in my throat, and I let him pull me closer. I was trying to come up with something to say when Mother and Father exited their cabin.

"Ah, Mr. Murdoch. Lovely to see you, are you ready?" Mother greeted him warmly, having taken Father's arm as they walked forward.

"Oh, yes, Mrs. Dalian. Thank you again for your invitation. I have been looking forward to it all day, a chance to get away from Mr. Andrews and his myriad problems." Will started walking with them, holding me close.

Father looked over, and I was sure he would say something about Will needing to leave me space, but he merely questioned Will about the issues. Apparently Mr. Andrews had needed Will to help run messages between rooms that were having problems with their heating. Mr. Andrews would come up with some adjustment, and Will would run the orders down to the engine rooms and come back to see the result and receive further orders.

Mother shook her head as the stewards opened the door to the restaurant. "You must be exhausted."

"Oh no, ma'am. It was no hardship." Will said, but I could see the tiredness in his eyes. "I am used to the trials of ship life."

"I would caution you to go light on the wine tonight, the last thing we need is you falling asleep at the table." Father chuckled as he handed Mother down into her seat.

Will gave my fingers as squeeze as he handed me down, then sat beside me. "I do not drink during a voyage, sir. None of the officers do. So, you do not need to worry about me falling asleep. However I may have a hard time moving after all this food." He chuckled as he looked down at the menu.

I looked at the menu. Ten courses, if one considered cigars and after dinner drinks to be a course. "Father, surely you will not make Mr. Murdoch sample everything?"

"He damn well will," Father grumbled, signaling to a steward to come over. "After what he did for you, I will stuff the man as full as I can." Father gave our order for the full meal, with accompanying wines, excluding Will, who would gladly stick to lemonade. Mother and I drew off our gloves, our escorts taking them from us for safekeeping.

I looked over at Will, "I hope you're hungry."

"Oh, I find I enjoy a large dinner." He smiled at me, "Sometimes I forget to eat breakfast so a large dinner is well appreciated." I almost put the white wine we had been brought for the first course through my nose.

Father chuckled at my distress, "I see your time with my daughter has been affecting you."

"I have been enjoying my time with her sir," Will sipped his lemonade. "I find her outlook on life refreshing." The first course was brought, plover eggs over a beef aspic with caviar, arranged to look like a flower. I took a bite, letting the salt of the caviar play across my taste buds, the richness of the egg smooth on my tongue. Will was finished before any of us, letting the steward remove his plate while we took our time to chase down every last bit on our plates. He rubbed at his nose, "I'm sorry, I'm not used to this style of dining. Too many meals in the officer mess, I suppose. Eating as fast as we could to get back to work."

Mother finished her wine, "Well, I hope you learn to enjoy some leisure time here, Mr. Murdoch. These meals are an experience, meant to be savored." The next course was quickly brought, a light and delicate split pea soup. We continued onward, and Will dd manage to slow down the speed with which he ate. Lobster thermidor with potatoes, tender beef with mushrooms and braised cabbage, after those I was feeling quite stuffed when we were presented with the next course. It was a slightly pink sorbet in a chilled glass, garnished with mint.

"Oh, thank God, something light." I muttered, spooning up a bite. The delicate taste of rosewater overwhelmed my mouth, it felt as if I had eaten a flower.

Father ate his in three bites. "You had better pace yourself my dear, this is only the fifth course." I took up another small spoonful, trying to summon the desire to continue eating. But then I looked at Will, gently scraping his spoon along the glass to catch the last bit, and I decided that even if I could not move tomorrow I would eat every morsel as long as he was there.

Will looked over to me as a steward removed his plate. "Ms. Dalian, how did the dinner last night go, with the unexpected guest?"

"Guest? We didn't have any guests." Father furrowed his brow.

"He means the DeWitt Bukater's guest, dear." Mother patted his hand. "The third class boy from last night."

I took a sip of wine. "It was fairly calm, he was actually quite charming."

"You mean you have not heard?" Mother leaned in, all of us listening closely as she dropped her voice. "Mr. Hockley's valet was spotted following him and Rose DeWitt Bukater down into third class. He took her to a party down there."

I could see Father grin. "I bet that put a twist in Hockley's tail."

"I would say we should not expect to see that boy back up here for the rest of the voyage." Mother replied, her voice light. "But if you ask me, Rose has only improved since she met him."

I was just about to try to continue the conversation when stewards approached with the next course, quail in cherries, and I saw a group that had me frozen in my seat. The Reichsters had entered, and I could only pray that we escaped their notice. We were not so fortunate. I will admit I had some trepidation as I saw Mr Reichster, trailed by his wife and son, approach our table. I must have made some sign for I felt Will grip my hand under the table.

"Gareth!" Mr. Reichster called out, shaking Father's hand as he got close. "It's been too long."

"Harry, and here I thought you were too busy to say hello." Father was less enthusiastic but still polite.

"And your family, such a delight. You know Anastasia, Zachary has been asking about a promenade with you all trip." He gave me a smile, "He wants to be sure you weren't too injured after your dance the other night. He was worried that you would be laid up for the rest of the voyage."

"Yes, 'Stasia." Zachary stepped forward, "Please, let me escort you tomorrow. As an apology. We have only a few days left on this boat and I have only seen you a few times. I would dearly love to take you on a walk."

"I'm terribly sorry Mr. Reichster, but I have promised tomorrow's afternoon promenade to First Officer Murdoch here." I felt the lie fall quickly and sweetly from my lips. I squeezed Will's hand, praying he would play along.

Will for his part, covered admirably. "Yes, I have been curious about Dalian shipping and Miss Dalian has been most helpful in that matter. I was hoping to interrogate her a bit more tomorrow."

"Looking for a career change Mr. Murdoch? I must tell you, Reichster Transport would pay you far better." Mr. Reichster set his hand with a thump on the back of Father's chair.

"No sir, merely curious."

"Well, perhaps the day after. You know Anastasia, Zachary quite fancies you. I'm surprised you haven't noticed." He looked back to his son, and Zachary's green eyes flashed in the light as he looked to me.

I bit my tongue, floundering for the right words. "I'm very flattered Mr Reichster, but I cannot break my promise to Mr Murdoch."

"Yes, I have promised Miss Dalian a full tour during her promenade." Will smoothly said, casting a glance over to me. I gave him a small smile. What followed was some masculine blustering between Mr. Reichster and Father, the usual bets laid down on who's ship would come in first and the offer of drinks on the other in the smoking room. But eventually Mr. Reichster strode away, collecting his wife and a glowering Zachary as he left. I avoided looking at Zachary, turning instead to Will. He had handled himself well, and I got to spite Zachary again, all and all a good interaction. I still would rather have avoided it, but I could hardly have stood up and run from the restaurant without causing a scene.

Will waited a few moments before speaking. "This reminds me, I would actually like to ask you something, Mr. Dalian."

"What is it, Mr. Murdoch? A position on one of my ships? I must warn you, I do not give them out easy."

"No, Mr. Dalian, not a position. I should like your permission to call on your daughter while we are docked in New York." He lifted his chin, "I find her to be a most wonderful woman in all ways and would dearly love to continue my courtship."

"You've already begun to court her?" Father placed his hands on the table, and I could see his color beginning to rise. Father, for all his teasing about my lack of suitors, always reacted this way when someone showed interest. Mother said he was just overprotective, but I was always worried that he would scare off any boy who showed up.

"In my mind, yes, but I have not asked Anastasia for her opinion." Will looked over, "Would you agree to a courtship?"

I looked at Father, who was slowly turning more and more red. "Oh Father, please let him. Please, I will do anything."

Father spoke through gritted teeth. "Mr. Murdoch, you will tell me why you think yourself worthy of courting my daughter."

"I know that I am older sir, and that I am a widower, but I feel that I could provide her with a good life. I have a good career with White Star, and I should make Chief Officer soon and then Captain. I have a home in Southampton, and my family has their homes in Scotland. We have been sailors going far back in my family tree, and good sailors will always be needed. I know that I am not of the caliber that other suitors may be, but I feel very strongly toward your daughter and I can only hope that she returns my feelings."

Mother placed a hand on Father's wrist. "Gareth, calm yourself before people notice. Anastasia, what do you have to say?"

I took a sip of champagne to fortify myself. "I do return Mr. Murdoch's feelings Father, I find him to be a kind man who has been nothing but pleasant to me the entire time I have known him. He makes me feel safe, and, I find him very handsome." I bashfully looked down at this, only peeking up to view Will's surprised face. I shamelessly batted my eyelashes, and he quickly looked away.

Father had now lost all color. "If he is lacking in anything Anastasia, if he mistreats you in any way, I am sending him back to England on one of our ships. In the cargo hold."

"Then you will give your permission?" Will asked, his voice catching.

"Yes, you may court my daughter." Father grumbled, then rose saying something about needing a stronger drink. Will waited until he had left to kiss my hand and give me a wide smile. I couldn't help but beam back at him, the fluttering in my heart gone now that I knew my feelings were returned. While Father was gone the next course arrives, quails in cherry sauce, but I could barely notice it. My heart was soaring and I barely even noticed as I started on the quail.

Mother pierced a cherry with her fork. "You could have spoken to him before dinner, Anastasia."

"Oh, I am sorry Mother." I said breezily. "I did not know Mr. Murdoch would bring it up so suddenly." To be quite honest, I didn't care a whit that I hadn't brought it up to Father beforehand. All I cared about at that moment was Will, knowing that he could visit at anytime, could write me letters, could take to dances in New York. I barely tasted the spring asparagus with hollandaise, my mind and eyes focused on Will.

"Anastasia, if I had known you would look so moonstruck I would not have agreed to it." Father said, harshly cutting through my mental haze. "Keep your head on straight."

I looked down, we had moved onto the last course, the fruit course. "I am sorry Father, it is only I am so happy." I ate my orange meringue with a smile, and then it was only light cordials for Mother and I, with cigars presented to Father and Will.

Father tucked it into his coat pocket along with a matchbook, "Would you care to smoke these outside with me, Mr. Murdoch?"

"That sounds pleasant, sir." Will stood, then pulled out his pocket watch. "We shall have to be quick though, I am due on watch in half an hour." Father merely nodded, and started for the door. Will stood, reaching out a hand and lifting me up. He looked to Mother, "Thank you for the dinner, ma'am. It was terrific." I froze as he bent down, and pressed his lips to my cheek. "I shall see you tomorrow, dear." I watched as his lips curved up as he said the word. "For our promenade?"

"Oh yes, after the Divine Service." I gave him a wide smile. "I shall be praying for a rescue after that, I think." Will chuckled at that, and moved to follow Father. I reached up and gently touched my cheek, expecting my face to be as hot as I felt it must be, but my cheek was warm and smooth, nothing out of the ordinary. I am ashamed to say that Mother had to collect me and shake me from my reverie.

She smiled down at me as she removed the pins from my hair back in my cabin. "I think you have chosen well, dear. He must be a brave man to be willing to face down your father like that."

"Mother, you don't think Father will say anything to send him away, do you?" I had a sudden panic, the thought of Father railing against Will and sending him scurrying back to the officer's quarters for the rest of the crossing.

"No, but you have to remember, you are his only child," Mother pressed a kiss to the top of my head, "And mine too. We only want the best for you, more than likely he will just take the measure of Mr. Murdoch, man to man."

I sighed, looking at the mirror, using a washcloth to remove the powder and rouge. All of Marie's hard work, gone in a few wipes of a cloth. "Will he measure up to what Father wants, do you think?"

Mother had sat on the bed, leaning down to unbutton her shoes. "I think he will do fine. All your Father wants is a man who will treat you with respect, act in a proper manner, and keep you safe." She gave a tired smile, "He was so angry at Zachary after I told him what had happened, I thought he would kill the boy."

"Is that why he left?" I asked, my voice soft.

"So you heard that then."

"It was rather hard not to." I smirked, reaching up to unfasten my necklace.

"He left to go find the Master-at-Arms and demand something be done. But he was told that unless Zachary tried to force himself on you again," I flinched at her direct wording, "then there was nothing he could do. Edward brought him back from the Smoking Room at two in the morning, completely drunk."

"Oh not again." I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes. Father did not overindulge often, but when he did it practically took the whole house to get him to his bed. Thank God Edward had handled him. I couldn't imagine some poor steward having to deal with Father trying to drag them outside to go for a brisk walk, his usual preferred pastime when he had been drinking.

The knob to the shared door moved, opening slightly. "Ah, Ruth, could I come in?"

"Of course, Gareth." Mother said, reaching down and picking up her shoes, "I need to get ready for bed anyway. Good night, Anastasia."

I felt my stomach twist itself into knots, an absurd nervousness rearing up inside me. "Good night, Mother." I saw her give Father a brief kiss as she slipped by him, and he quickly took her place, sitting on the bed. I could smell the cigar smoke on him, a little bit of ash on his collar.

"Did you know he would ask that at dinner tonight?" Father spoke slowly, but I couldn't feel any anger in his voice.

My stomach unclenched a little. "No, I was going to speak to you tomorrow about a possibility, but I didn't know he would ask about it tonight."

"And he hasn't done anything untoward during this trip?"

I stood up, coming to sit by him. "No Father, he's been very sweet. And he makes Zachary angry which is an added benefit."

He chuckled, pulling me close and kissing the top of my head. "Well, if you're sure that he's what you want."

"I am, I promise." I leaned over and kissed his cheek, feeling the stubble underneath my lips. "Please tell me you didn't scare him off when you went out."

He stood, reaching down to ruffle my hair like I was a schoolgirl. "I doubt I could scare that man, but I think he'll do well for you Anastasia. Now, why don't you get ready for bed, the Divine Service is early tomorrow."

I stood up and embraced him, smelling the sweet bay rum cologne he wore. "Thank you, Father."

He held me close for a few seconds, then gently released me. "Good night Anastasia, you made a good choice."

Chapter Text

I woke in the morning smiling, my heart light and my mind completely transported. Marie took one look at me and declared me completely impossible, buttoning me up into my most conservative dress for the Divine Service being held in the lounge. It had a high lace neck, held in place by a large brooch, and normally I would have begged for something looser for it felt like it was choking me, but I found I just didn't care. After the Divine Service I could return and change for my afternoon promenade with Will, fussing about my dress now was pointless. The service was tolerable, barely, and I found myself staring at a clock and begging it to run faster. It took Mother reaching for my hand as she rose to realize that we were to sing a hymn.

The hymn was familiar to me, almost eerily so. Eternal Father, Strong to Save was a mariner's hymn, and I had heard it sung often. At church, at the launching of a new ship for our business, at funerals of sailors who had died during the trips they made. The lyrics were familiar, a source of pride, sadness, or simply a desire for the ones on the waves to be safe. The words suddenly took on a new meaning for me though, as I considered Will. He would be away often, on the sea to earn his keep, and I would not know anything until I got a letter or a telegram. He could be ill, shipwrecked, or a hundred other things, and I would be none the wiser.

Part of me thought to offer him my support, that I would pay for him not to go out. But I had seen Father crumple when Mother had put her foot down, forbidding him further voyages until his health had returned. He would linger whenever one of our ships left after that, watching her go until she was beyond the horizon. He always walked home slowly after that, head hung low. I could not imagine that for Will, let alone that his pride would let me be the support of him. He would want to go out, to prove himself and provide for me.

I laced my fingers together as I sung, praying for a merciful God to look on the man I had come to care for and protect him. "O hear us when we cry to thee, for those in peril on the sea." I prayed for protection for him from any harm, for God to see the truth of my feelings and guard him when I could not. I prayed for Will to come back to land safely every time he left, and even if our courtship failed, I would still pray for him. He had lost much already, he should have a future better than his past. I was almost fervent in my whispered prayers, which continued on after the service ended.

Mother slowly drew me to the side, away from the rest of the worshippers who were slowly filing out. "I had wondered when you would realize it."

My prayers ceased, and I wiped at tears I could feel spring to my eyes. "How could you stand it, when Father would leave? To know nothing? To keep on going to parties and acting as if the everything is alright when he could be ill or wrecked on some island?" I did not voice the thought that I had dwelled on, that Will could be dead and I would have no way of knowing. I could be visiting a friend and chatting over tea when he breathed his last. I knew that it was foolish, that those events happen so randomly that it was not callous to be performing some task unaware of what was taking place, but my mind kept coming around to it.

Mother drew me down to her, letting me lean on her. I could smell the lavender water in her hair. "It comes to all women who love a sailor. You pray to God and do your best to make sure that when he leaves you have set everything to rights. But it never gets easier."

"Surely you could have kept Father at home, kept him safe? There has to be something we can do to keep them home, where we can care for them."

"In his younger days your Father was barely home for a month at a time, always racing off to some new port or finding a new ship to sail. I knew when I married him that I could not change that, that I would share him with the sea. Even when I was pregnant with you he would set off, coming back with some little gift and a promise to stay longer. But he would always go back, and I would watch him leave." She brushed my hair back from my face, drying my eyes with her sleeve. "But I knew I loved him far more than he loved the sea, and that he would come back. I refused to consider any other option. And so will you. Pray for Mr. Murdoch as much as you like, but you will never be rid of those thoughts. You must be stronger than them."

"It is so hard though, Mother." I sniffed, trying to compose myself.

"Life is hard, my dear. And you will find others like us, who understand the feeling. You will come to love them as family, they will sit up with you if word is slow coming in, and if the worst should happen they will be there. Morgan Fields has been there for me when I thought everything lost, and I have been there for her." Mother said, moving off towards the staircase to head back to our cabin. "We have been lucky that everything turned out alright, but still, those worries will never leave." I followed, letting Marie change me into a day dress of ivory lace and blue ribbon. I tried to set myself to rights, to leave those thoughts behind. But they still echoed in the back of my mind, quieter now, but constant. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I swore I would not dwell on them. If those thoughts had any place it was in the future, now I would be bright and happy and meet Will for a promenade. It would be fun and I would forget those thoughts. For now.

Then I was off for the officer's promenade, but found my way obstructed by a group of passengers. I could see the DeWitt Bukaters among them, and they were moving up towards the bridge. Rose looked blandly on everything that was presented, and Hockley seemed bored all together. Ruth DeWitt Bukater made appreciative noises as Mr. Andrews spoke, but the questions she asked seemed inane and pointless. I stepped up to join them though, listening to Mr. Andrews as he began to explain various features of the bridge. I imagine the part of me that was my Father's daughter led me to pay far more attention to the aspects he pointed out than his other guests, to reason if there was a point to include them in the next ship we ordered built.

The Titanic's bridge was impressive, spanning the width of the ship if one included the outside wings. I had never seen it before, it was a very clean area. Three brass speed telegraph annunciators stood towards the front, the helmsman and his wheel farther back. The wood was bright and new, the walls a clean white that reflected the light coming in through the forward windows. It was much more spacious than the bridges on our ships, everything crammed close to free up space for more cargo.

A man came past me, a telegram in his hand. "Excuse me sir, another ice warning. This one's from the Noordam." He handed the message off to the Captain, brushing past me again as he went back. He must be working for the Marconi company. Practically every ship had one of Marconi's wireless sets and an operator to work it. It was not unusual to get ice warnings via wireless on a ship, I knew. Ever since wireless had come about ships would send each other warnings about anything and everything. With how many ships were in the water nowadays, ships were well informed of anything to expect thanks to this system. It rather reminded me of the gossips back home, and I wondered briefly if the wireless operators themselves gossiped over the air about their ships and passengers.

The wireless was also the reason for certain regulations, important enough that my ideas of gossiping operators was probably not accurate. I had spent half the night one time reading the British Board of Trade regulations because we had been wired that one of our ships was being refused permission to depart for breaking some rule, but it was rather garbled. It turns out the wireless was an older system and had to be replaced, for if the ship struck a derelict or some other obstacle her wireless would not have been able to reach the ships near her, a proper wireless turned the ship itself into a lifeboat the regulations said. The massive numbers of liners, cargo ships, and pleasure craft afloat practically guaranteed a swift rescue, so long as the wireless was operational. I had had to contact the Marconi company and arrange for a replacement to be supplied before the ship was cleared.

Captain Smith glanced at the telegram, tucking it away. "Not to worry, quite normal for this time of year. In fact, we're speeding up. I've just ordered the last two boilers lit." The group gave a slight stir, evidently taking that to mean we would instantly speed up. Mr. Andrews directed the rest of the group away, but I hung back.

He noticed me, "Miss Dalian, is there something I can help you with?"

"Correct me if I am wrong Captain Smith, but those boilers won't be putting out enough power to add to our speed for a day or more, right?" You could start a fire in a cold boiler but the initial fire would do little. The fire had to be stoked up, the boiler itself growing hot, before it could begin its job. That took time, it was not an instant reaction.

A smile broke through his beard and he chuckled. "Ah, yes. I forget you actually know about ships. We would like to see her at her top speed on the way into New York, but I am only planning on the additional steam to be available tomorrow."

"And the ice warnings?" I glanced out the forward windows at the smooth sea. It appeared clear ahead of us, and there was nothing to disturb the line of the horizon. We had been under fair weather and calm seas the whole time, perfect weather as fair as sailing went.

"As I said, they are quite normal. We will adjust if we come across any of them. The one's we have received so far are not the ice track."

"The ice track? I'm afraid I'm unfamiliar with the phrase."

"It's what we call the southernmost route we take to avoid the ice coming down at this time of year, we're on it right now." He turned, his attention drawn by something. "Ah, Mr. Murdoch. Finishing your watch?"

Will stepped forward, coming in from the wings of the bridge, and nodded at Captain Smith. "Yes sir, I thought I had heard Miss Dalian and I had promised her an afternoon promenade. And here she is."

"She's proving to be quite knowledgeable about the ship," Smith turned back to me, "Perhaps you're learning from Mr. Murdoch."

I stepped towards Will, "I would like to think that I am, would you care to start our promenade now, Mr. Murdoch?"

He offered his arm, "Gladly, if you will excuse me, sir." He said as I took his arm and we swept out the other side of the bridge. It felt so good to hold his arm again, and I wrapped my other hand around so I could stand even closer. I could feel his leg through my skirt and petticoats as they swirled around us. Will walked on for awhile before finding a pair of empty deck chairs and sitting down. I arranged my skirts, watching as he lowered himself down into the chair across from me.

I nervously sat, fussing with my skirt. "I must admit Will, I am unsure of what to do in terms of how a courtship is to proceed."

He took my hand, wrapping his fingers around it. "It is nothing more than it was before, but it means more. Is that satisfactory, Ana?"

I giggled, "Ana?"

"I had thought to have a pet name for you," His blue eyes caught mine, "And you have already shown your disdain for 'Stasia. If you do not want one, merely say so."

"I love it, Will." I looked out, the sea calm and flat all the way to the horizon. Even if it had been thirty foot swells and hurricane winds I would have sat here, so long as I was by him. We simply sat for awhile, hands clasped together and looking out at the ocean, both of us in that contemplative mood one finds themselves in when looking out at the sea.

"What is your house like, in New York?" Will softly asked, coming to sit next to me on my deck chair. I hadn't even heard him get up, and now he was so close. Close enough I could see the lines of the knot in his tie, the bobbing of his Adam's apple.

I quickly looked up. "Well, it depends what time of the year it is. During the season we move to our Fifth Avenue house, but otherwise we're in the dock house."

"Dock house?"

"Father built it on the land grandfather had originally settled on, down by the docks. It's not as wide as some others, but it's seven stories of red brick. Although the top story is really more of an attic, where the servants live. But it has huge windows all throughout that look out on the harbor and all the ships that have docked. We much prefer it to the other, we only open that one up for a few months."

"Seven stories is small?" He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes, "Really, when you see the palaces on Fifth Avenue our homes are modest. Father didn't hire an Italian architect to design the dock house, it was a major scandal at the time."

"And what will we do in New York?" He moved closer to me, his leg up against mine and his arm gathering me close.

My mind could barely keep up with his question, the contact with him driving me mad. The feeling of his arm against my back, warm and strong, was enough to send my train of thought off the rails. "Well, there's always some party to go to. And there's shopping, and if you come back during the summer we'll be up in Newport and you can join us in the yacht."

"You have a yacht?"

"It's a small one, nothing compared to the Vanderbilts." I waved away his remark, remembering the massive ship that the family considered their little vessel. "But you could teach me how to sail it, couldn't you?"

"I could," Will said, drawing my hands into his. "Now at these parties, would there be dancing?"

"Of course, what else is there to do at a party?" I gave a shrug. Truth be told, after your first few parties, they stopped being so magical. It was fun to wear your new dresses, and to drink champagne and dance the night away, but usually these parties included a lot of time spent in shoes that pinched and listening to the inane gossip of the society matrons. It was always the same; the dresses were too revealing, the decorations too extravagant, the dances too fast and the partners far too close.

"And you wouldn't be embarrassed to bring a poor sailor into this crowd, who didn't know any of the steps?"

I stood, "Then I will teach you." This time I was the one who drew him up, placing one of his hands on my waist and the other in my hand. "This is how you start a waltz, and it's really quite simple. We simply turn a smaller circle while we dance a bigger one." The waltz was my favorite, it could be slow and graceful or fast and wild. And when you looked down on a ballroom from above it was like watching a flower bloom as the ladies's skirts whirled out.

He started moving, pulling me along. "Like this?" His footwork was sure, guiding us not only around the deck chairs but across the promenade deck. Far too sure to be a novice.

"Why Mr. Murdoch, was this all a ruse?" I looked up at him, reveling in the pressure of his hand on my waist.

"Ana, surely you could have guessed that. I hope you do not think me completely hopeless." Will looked down, "Perhaps you were wanting to be fooled." I simply shook my head, letting him reverse and guide me around and around. I felt safe in his hands, he wouldn't turn into a chair or bump us against the rail. And I knew if I asked him to stop he would, instantly. Dancing with him, even without music, was wonderful. Eventually though his steps slowed, and I found myself moving my face up as he was moving down, our lips briefly pressing together. I closed my eyes, trying to memorize the feeling of his lips, the touch of his hand against my cheek. I wound my arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer.

He pulled back, blue eyes wide. "Forgive me, I did not intend to-" I cut him off, dragging him behind a wall where we would be out of the way. Tucked away in shadows where we wouldn't be seen. I could hear him saying that it was wrong, that we should not be doing this, but when I drew him back down his hands came down firmly on my waist, pulling me flush against him. I felt hot and cold at once, and the feeling of him against me was driving me mad. I pressed myself hard up against him as I kissed him, curling my hand around the back of his head. I had kissed boys before, but this was different. This wasn't with some boy, all wormy lips and bumping noses. This was a real kiss, with a man. His lips were firm, and I could have sworn I felt his tongue flick against my lips. I replied in kind, and he gave a slight groan. I tried something new, letting my teeth gently pull on his bottom lip. He pulled me tighter, and I could hear him breathing hard through his nose. I wanted to kiss every inch of him, more than anything I wanted to drop my lips to his neck, and even lower. To taste the skin on his chest. But I could feel his fingers brushing my cheeks, and I was loathe to move away from them. Eventually we broke apart, breath ragged and our foreheads pressed together.

I looked into his eyes, only a thin ring of blue showing against the black of his pupils. "There, now we have both taken advantage of the other."

"Ana, we can't be seen doing this." His voice was low, "I won't have people saying I was forcing you into something. You have a reputation to uphold."

I pressed my fingers to his lips. "Then we shall have to be careful."

Will closed his eyes, huffing out a breath. "Must you be so stubborn?"

"Of course, I won't go against my nature." I said, and then started as I heard footsteps moving by. Will drew us back further into the shadows, and I noticed they had lengthened. I had lost most of the day with him, and I wanted more. We stayed quiet as the person moved on, and eventually we were alone again. I dropped my head, disappointment lacing my words. "It's late, I have to go get changed for dinner."

"And I should get my own dinner before my watch." Will sighed, looking out. A goodbye kiss quickly turned into another round that left us breathless, and then it really was too late to stay away from our duties. He let his lips linger for a moment, then drew them up and kissed my forehead. "You have the most beautiful eyes."

I blinked, wishing I had asked Marie to do my cosmetics again. "I find yours far prettier, everyone always writes about blue eyes, not brown ones like mine."

"Then," He placed another kiss on my cheek, then repeated it on the other side, "I would think you would be bored of blue eyes after reading nothing but them."

I kissed his cheek, "If they're your eyes, I could never tire of them."

Will tucked my hand up against his arm, walking me back to the entrance for the lower decks. It was starting to get cold, and I was glad to have him next to me. I turned to him, "Thank you Will, for everything."

He flushed a bit, "I went too far."

"I wanted to go farther," I said softly, remembering the desire I had to feel his skin under mine, to drop my lips to his neck. "But we will have time for that."

"I do not know how long though, White Star tends to send us back out fairly quickly."

I drew his hands up, then decided to simply step up and kiss his cheek. I could feel a slight stubble under my lips, it prickled but felt nice. "Then we had better get used to writing each other, hadn't we?" He simply smiled, returned my chaste kiss, and we both went our separate ways, knowing we only had a few more days of our regular duties before we could have a break and spend a longer time together. Even if it was only for a day or two. I sighed my way through dinner, and back in my cabin I looked at myself in the mirror, touching my lips and expecting to see something different in my reflection. I suppose I did, a certain lightness to my eyes and I had never seen myself smile like I did when I thought of kissing Will.

In bed that night I let my mind wander, to think over what we could have done if both had not been called away by our roles. Perhaps I would have become a loose woman, I had never read in any of my novels about the heroine wanting to kiss the chest of her suitor. Or biting his lip. Maybe I was already loose. I knew the bare mechanics of the act of procreation, and that kissing could lead to it, but a definition of what exactly a loose woman was had never really been provided. Mother had always told me to not give out kisses like candy, to keep them saved up. Those boys I had kissed back home, we were young and curious about why kissing was so forbidden by our parents. To us it had seemed strange, that our parents could be so frightened by an act that we found so odd.

Now though, thinking of Will's kiss, I knew why they were worried. I knew lust was what sent men chasing after women, but it was the first time I could say that I had felt lust myself. A desire to be with Will, and only with him. To kiss him until I lost all sense of self, and feel his hands on my again. If he had suggested something further, I don't know what I would have done.

I would have considered it though.

Chapter Text

I woke in the dark, and something felt strange. I couldn't tell what. The electric heater was still running, and when I reached over and turned the lamp on it blared to life quickly. It was only when I put my feet down that I recognized what it was, the engines had stopped. The slight vibration I had gotten used to was gone, the stillness of it was concerning after being so used to the movement. I slid on a pair of boots, pulling a dressing gown over my night gown. Surely a steward would be able to tell me more. Just as I had reached for the knob to my door a sudden pounding on it startled me. I opened it and Will burst in, closing it tightly behind him. He was pale, wearing a greatcoat and I could swear he was sweating. There was a tremble to his movements, as if he wanted to move faster than he could and the thought of his lack of speed terrified him.

His breathing was harsh and loud as he turned to me. "You need to get your parents, now." He turned to the furniture, throwing open the wardrobe and throwing my clothes out and onto the bed before he threw up the covers on the bed, got down on his knees, and began dragging something out from underneath.

It was frightening, to see him so disturbed by something. I moved around him to the adjoining door, opening it quickly and stepping through. Father's never ending snores and Mother's slight breathing quickly led me to them. I turned on a lamp and quickly shook Mother awake. "Mother, Mr. Murdoch is here."

"At this time of night?" Her voice was rough, her eyes bleary.

"Yes, he said to get both of you." I must have looked a fright because she turned to wake Father. I opened the door, finding Will had thrown a number of large white vests over my bed. I left the door open and moved in, touching the rough canvas of them. "Will, what is going on?"

He grabbed my hand, pulling me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me and pressing his lips to my ear as he whispered harshly. "We have struck a berg, the ship is going down and I am going to get you off into a boat. All of you."

I suddenly couldn't feel anything, just a slight tingling from where he held my hand, his gloves were so cold. "What? Will, you can't be serious, this is-"

"What the hell is going on?" Father grumbled, coming in with Mother in his wake. "Get your hands off her Murdoch, or I swear-"

"Mr. Dalian, the ship is sinking. Slowly yes, but sinking. I doubt if we even have two hours." Will's voice was flat, formal and with no shred of emotion. "I intend to get your family off as quickly as I can. You all will need to dress warmly, as much as you can, and then fasten your lifebelts over." He held up a vest, showing the ties on the sides to hold it on. "First class passengers are going to be asked to gather in the lounge, please proceed there calmly. The last thing we need is a panic." He looked back out the door, towards the rest of our deck. "Men are removing the covers of the lifeboats, I need to be back up to lead the evacuation." He looked down to my hand, gripped so tightly in his that it was beginning to hurt.

"Hurry."

And then he was gone, not even closing the door. We did not discuss anything, his manner was so serious that there was no room for doubt. We moved as quickly as we could, Mother throwing my blue silk gown over my nightdress and buttoning it up with a speed that astounded me. I pulled on the lifebelt, bulky and restricting as I tied it around my sides, the cork blocks within making it difficult to push it down while I tied it. Mother and Father had gone back to their cabin, and I struggled my way into one fur coat and then another. I grabbed up a mink wrap, then remembered my keepsakes on the vanity. I shoved the matchbook and the message from Will into the pocket of one of my coats, and burst through into the other cabin. Mother was done up as warmly as I was, Father too, but she was rapidly looking through her vanity, her voice panicked. "Where is it?"

"Mother?" I stepped up, looking over her shoulder. Everything was in disarray, thrown around in her search for something.

"My pearls, where are they?" She pulled the drawer roughly out of the vanity, almost spilling everything out onto the floor.

Father looked over, "I sent them to the purser last night with Violetta, to keep them safe."

The color drained from Mother's face. I knew how much she loved those pearls, how Father kept adding onto them with every anniversary. I made for the door, "I will go down and get them, go to the lounge."

She gripped my arm as I went to leave, "Get the servants too, and let everyone you see know." I nodded, racing out into the hallway. Running in an evening dress and a nightgown proved rather difficult, and I almost fell down the stairs as I rushed to C deck. I don't know what the the people I saw walking around thought of me, but I told every person I saw to go get their lifebelts and get to the lounge.

I don't know if they believed me.

Father, when he first took me out, had stressed over and over how serious things were on the sea when it came to a sinking. There was never a guarantee that your ship would stay afloat, you needed to know what to do. He had me learn to swim with Abraham's children, and whenever he took me on a ship he pointed out where the lifeboats were, where the lifebelts were, how you did them up. But these people, some drunk and in their evening wear, were clueless. The purser's door was open, the safe provided for passengers open as well as he was pulling items out. He barely even looked at me, "Name?"

"Dalian."

He reached in, pulled out a bag and checked something. He tossed it over, and I anxiously opened it. Mother's pearls, my earrings and my own pearl necklace were inside. "Get going back up to the lounge, Miss."

I turned, but paused. "You need to get your lifebelt on."

"I will, but I need to get these ready for the passengers who come for them." His voice was brusque. "Get moving." I started back, only stopping to pound on the cabins of our servants. Marie and Violetta seemed to understand my urgency, coming back out in coats and with their lifebelts. Edward proved more difficult.

"Miss Dalian, there's no need to run around panicking everyone." He yawned, "I'm sure the crew will have everything fixed up by the morning."

"Edward, I heard this from an officer." I fumed, "There's nothing they can do, we need to get upstairs."

"Well, I'll just stay here then. Keep an eye on everything, won't want stuff to get stolen just because you're all hysterical." He closed the door, and despite my pounding and yelling for him to come back out, refused to open it. I even screamed that I ordered him, as one of his employers, to come out.

Marie grabbed my hand when I pulled it back to knock again. "Miss, he won't change his mind. We need to go." Violetta murmured something in French, and I led our little group back upstairs. More passengers were out in the halls now, and I could hear stewards telling them to get their lifebelts. We came up into the lounge, passengers gathered into tight little clusters as they talked. A few men were sat down and smoking as they looked around, like it was all a game. I found my parents, handing the bag of jewelry to Mother. She gripped it tightly, slipping it into her coat pocket.

I looked around, trying to see anything. But if there was anything going on it would be up on the boat deck, one level above us. I started for the door outside, thinking to look up. I opened the door, then stumbled back, almost buffeted by the sound. I had never heard such noise, a rush of steam rattling through the funnels that sounded as if I was standing next to a hundred trains, all bellowing and roaring. Father had followed me, he caught me before I fell. "They're blowing steam, means they've stopped the engines." His voice seemed faint after what I had just heard, and I had to have him repeat it close to my ear until I understood what he said.

"So what do we do now?" I asked, hoping he could come up with something. But he merely shrugged, moving back to our group. I nervously glanced around, some of the other people were moving back to their cabins, or ordering servants or stewards to see to something. I looked to Mother, "Shouldn't we tell them to stay?"

She shifted on her feet. "They'll know soon enough." I nodded, even though I knew nothing about how they would. Will had said the ship struck ice, but he didn't say where. If it was the stern, then we should move up towards the bow, or vice versa. But the engines had been stopped, the steam vented, so more than likely it wasn't the stern where the majority of machinery was. Probably the bow then. It calmed me slightly to figure this out, to focus on something other than the fact that we didn't know anything beyond what Will had said.

Father had wandered off, coming back with a glass of water. He placed it on the floor, kneeling down to look at it. "The list doesn't appear to severe, if they can patch the holes they might save her."

I knelt down, looking at the glass. The water tilted infinitesimally towards the bow, barely noticeable. "How would they patch it?"

He furrowed his brow, studying the glass again. "I don't know. Canvas? Maybe with the pumps it would be able to keep up." I let him continue on in this vein for awhile, a bit of distraction. Some of the other passengers wandered over, curious about what Father was saying. I kept my eyes on the glass, seeing the water slowly tilt farther. My furs were growing hot, and I almost took one of the coats off before I thought better about it. Mother paced back and forth, occasionally looking up like she would be able to see something out of the dome.

A steward came around eventually, "Please, all passengers are to proceed to the Boat Deck." He nodded, then moved on, repeating his order to every group. We all started to move up the stairs, coming out on the starboard side of the ship. Crews were at every lifeboat, working to get them lowered. Some passengers had obviously decided to come out before the rest of us, crowding up against the railing and the sailors kept trying to move them back. I could see a few boats already pulling away from the ship, out into the darkness. We couldn't move forward very far, the crush of people too great. I stayed close to Father, using his bulk to stay clear of everyone. Mother was on his other side, Marie and Violetta near her.

Will's voice suddenly rose among the sound of steam and passengers. "Please, women and children step forward! Please, get into the boat in an orderly fashion!" He must have been far ahead of us, for the people around us didn't move. It seemed no one wanted to move, wanted to be first. Father moved to the railing, and I trailed him. He'd found a small space between a set of boats, and quickly made room for me to look forward. A lifeboat had been lowered, only small group of people in it. I recognized Lady Duff Gordon and her husband, and next to them I saw the entire Reichster clan sitting in the boat. Mrs. Reichster was waving calmly back to somebody on the ship, and Zachary looked as if he'd been pulled from the smoking room before being bundled onto the boat, face red and coat rumpled. Mr. Reichster was chatting with Sir Cosmo, and I swear I could hear him chuckle.

Will called out again. "Please, I beg of you, get into the boat!" Again, there was no movement. It seemed like the entire crowd was frozen. I don't know how long it was before I heard him yell, "Lower away then!" The lifeboat lowered in jerks, finally coming to rest down on the water far below. The sailors in it started to move the boat away from the ship, some of the men taking the oars. The departure of the first boat seemed to set something off in the crowd then, and there was suddenly a great deal of pushing and shoving to get near one of the ready boats.

"Excuse me sir, but there are additional boats on the port side of the ship." A sailor said as he moved past Father to the boat nearest us. "We need to get these prepared, please go to the other side of the ship." Something seemed to seize the crowd near us then, and my steady bulwark, Father, was suddenly gone. Somebody stepped on my foot, and when I moved back in shock I was roughly pushed forward. By the time I managed to get my bearings, and stop the crowd from sending me further, I couldn't see him or Mother anywhere. More sailors were calling for boats to be filled, I could see some of the officers among them. I was still on the starboard side, the crowd of people seeming to prevent any further movement to the port side.

I stood on a deck chair, trying to see anything. My parents were nowhere to be seen, but I could see a group of women clustered back away from the boats. I stepped down, moving over to them. "You need to get in the boats." I said, pointing towards where another officer was calling for passengers. His sailors were holding back some of the men, only a few women and children moving towards the boat.

One of the women shook her head. "There is no way I will get in that boat when I could stay on this ship. This is all nonsense, and I will not be a part of it."

"They would not be telling us to do it if it was not necessary." I replied, pulling my wrap tight. What was wrong with them?

Another woman looked out. "Those little boats will sink, I just know it."

"I promise you, they won't. I rowed around New York harbor in smaller ones and nothing went wrong." I reached out to her, "Come with me, they're perfectly safe. I promise." She took my hand, and a few other followed her as I led them to a boat. "There, nothing to be afraid of. Get in, all of you." The sailors were good about handing them over the railing and into the boat, settling them onto the benches. We all gave a bit of a start as a rocket whistled up, exploding in a flurry of light far above our heads, but the sailors had them calmed quickly.

"Miss, do you think you could go find more of them?" An officer said, coming up behind me. It wasn't Will or Mr. Lightoller, he looked very young. "They don't seem to be listening to us and we have been ordered to see them off first."

I nodded, glad to have a task. Mother and Father would probably already have gotten into a boat, and I would get in with some of the women I brought up. My plan set I moved out, finding hesitant women who were terrified of the swaying boats. I used every tactic I could think of; showing them how easy it was to step over the railing, pointing out how some of the boats had many people in them and were held just fine, and eventually just begging. Some came with me, but others I could not get to follow. It was difficult when their husbands were right by them, their wives clung to them and refused to move.

I got close to the bow at one point, seeing a group of women into a boat when I froze. Whatever list the ship had acquired had been so slight I hadn't noticed it as I walked the deck, but the bow was definitely sinking. The grade was more severe up here, and I scrambled backward. Will was right, the ship would founder, and I had no doubt there were more people below, unaware of how to get up to the boat deck. I saw a few more boats being slowly loaded, I could get down and get in one of the boats. But what if they were all gone? What if when I came back up the entire ship had been abandoned? What if the ship went down while I was below?

I took a deep breath, trying to get myself to focus. I would go down, I would bring up one more group, I would get in the boat with them. There, three steps. Easy. I forced myself down below, passing by the first class areas that were mostly deserted. Other passengers were moving up, but I kept going down. I must have been in a second class staircase when I found a group of about ten huddled together. I called out. "Please, follow me. You need to get into a lifeboat now. This way."

One of the children was crying, his mother holding him close. "Please, what is happening?" Her voice was thickly accented, and difficult to understand without the rush of sound and bodies around us.

"Take my hand." I ordered, "Everyone hold each other's hands. Follow me." It took some time for them to follow my instructions, but eventually we had a chain of women and children holding each other and following me up through the ship and out onto the Boat Deck. I moved forward, the boats on the starboard side mostly gone. But there was a crowd near the bow, even now as it settled further into the water. It was mostly men, pushing and shoving as they tried to find some exit.

I could make out some sailors and officers holding the crowd back, arms outstretched to physically keep the people away. Through a gap in the crowd I could see Will, a gun in his hand as he screamed at the crowd pushing towards the boat. It had fallen onto the deck, broken oars beneath it. It must have been stored up above, having been tossed down but the ramp of oars had failed. Sailors were behind him, dragging the boat over to the davit. I looked at the small crowd of women and children I had collected.

They were frightened, the hands holding mine clammy and cold as they looked at the men we would have to get through to get to the boat. "We will have to push forward, if anyone tries to stop you push them away. Do not let go of each other." I ordered, setting my shoulder and proceeding to shove my way through. They followed through the holes I made, hands forming a chain as they came along. I lost a hand once or twice, but felt them grab my coat. They were still with me even as I shoved a man out of my way.

"Women and children! Stay back or I will shoot the next man who comes forward!" I heard Will yell, and I doubled my efforts. I could hear the crowd cursing him, demanding a place on the boat, yelling and screaming. I tried to push past a man, catching an elbow to my face. I barely felt the pain, a hot roil of anger coming up. I punched at him, then rushed through when he moved back. Moe than likely it was the shock of it rather than my actually hurting him, but I would take any chance.

"Mr. Murdoch, here! Women and children!" I yelled as I broke through at the front. I turned to my group. "Get up here and wait for the boat to be ready!" The women rushed past the line of sailors who had opened up to let us pass, huddling against the far wall and holding their children close. I tried to speak calmly, telling them that the sailors would get the boat ready in just a moment and they would be in it, but they needed to stay back and give them space.

"Anastasia, what are you still doing on here?" Will stepped forward, the chain of his whistle glinting around his chest. He was pale, his voice hoarse and I had to step close to hear him over the crowd.

"What I can." I said, watching as the sailors got the boat ready. It had been placed in the davit, and was quickly lowered for boarding. Will turned away, holding the gun to the crowd as the women and children rushed onboard. One man pushed his way through, and then it was like a flood. I heard a shot, but it must have been high for no one fell or stopped. Will grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the boat. The gun in his hand turned into more of a club as he tried to beat men away from the boat. In the chaos a sailor on the lines was pushed, sending the stern of the boat tumbling before he caught the line again. I could hear the women screaming, and then the bow lines dropped and the boat settled into the water, not very far from where we were standing.

Will watched it slowly move away. "God damn it!" He turned back to me, "Damn you, woman. Why didn't you get into a boat before? I told you to get away."

I looked at him, the wildness in his eyes. For a brief moment I could see him throwing me over, trying to get me to the boat. But then I looked, I was on a sinking ship and had let my chance get away. "I don't know." Suddenly everything I had planned, my brilliant scheme to get away, seemed hollow. What was I thinking? I should have fought back to find Mother and Father, I should have gotten into any of the boats I saw. I was a fool, thinking that I could do something noble and still get away. But the officer, he had asked for help and I did help. That had to be worth something. I pressed my head to Will's shoulder, any strength I had gone as I realized that I had missed my chance.

"Come with me then, I think there's one of Lights's boats left." He threw an arm around me, pushing through the crowd. Water was already foaming around our feet as he pushed me through a door, freezing cold through my boots. I couldn't even tell where we were before he threw another one door open and we were on the other side of the ship. I could see one of the other officers loading a boat, farther back than where we were, the chaos on the starboard side not as advanced over here. Men were above the room we had just left, tipping a boat down from on top. Will roughly drew me along. "Get in, get away from the ship before the suction pulls you down."

I stopped, my mind whirring. It was always me, I needed to get into the boat, I needed to get away. Enough of that. "No, Will. Not without you."

He grabbed me by the shoulders, his voice harsh. "I cannot leave, not until all the boats are ready. I will board the last one."

I touched his cheek and I could feel myself begin to cry. "You're lying." I could see it in him, the shame in his eyes as he refused to meet my gaze. And suddenly it all fell into place. The reason why Will knew we had struck, why it affected him so. He wasn't just panicking because of the evacuation. Whatever had happened, it had been under Will's watch.

"Ana, please get in the boat. It would be better for you to leave and forget me. I, I have ruined everything." He brought a hand up to brush my tears away. I grabbed it tightly, kissing his gloves, then throwing my arms up around his neck. I kissed his neck then, like I had wanted to only a few hours ago, and pressed my lips to any piece of him I could reach, his skin cold under my lips. I held him so tightly I feared I would hurt him. His arm came up around my back, and I could feel it shaking. "The days we had were wonderful, and I wish we had more time. But I will see you safe, if it's the last thing I do."

I let him go then, and stood, fisting my hands in the fabric of his greatcoat. I didn't care about the tears on my cheeks, I was done with trying to be strong. All I was was desperate for him to come with me, for whatever we had to continue. "I will not get on that boat until you swear to me Will, you swear to me on your family, the Bible, whatever you hold dearest, that you will get off this ship alive and find me! And don't just say it to make me leave, I want you to mean it. For if you don't, I will stay right here until the ship sinks under me."

His hands, their gloves freezing cold even though the layers of my coats, gripped my shoulders. "Then I swear on you, Anastasia, that I will find you out there." His lips crashed against mine, a brief moment of mingled breath, sweat and tears before he roughly shoved me backwards. "Now, follow Lowe into the damn boat!"

He gave me no choice, picking me up and handing me down no matter how much I begged him to follow. Lowe settled me on the bench next to him, and I gripped the bench in frustration. All I wanted to do was scream. Scream and drag Will into the boat. Will's voice was lost in the rush of steam and cries of passengers, but he directed the sailors on the lines to lower us quickly. There was a moment where passengers were reaching from the lower deck, pulling at the side of the boat, but Lowe stood and drew his gun. I could see their eyes, crazed and desperate as they grabbed at our boat, and suddenly a series of loud cracks split the night and they scattered, the boat settling into the water. Two sailors worked on loosening the lines while Lowe handed out oars, calling for us to pull away. Some in the boat shifted so that they had their backs to the scene, but I stayed staring at the ship even as we began to row away.

Staring at the officer I had come to care for far more than I should have.

The man that I loved.

Chapter Text

Watching that grand ship sink was astounding, memorable, and chaotic all at once. As we moved further away we could hardly make out the people on board, they became just fuzzy figures mainly noticeable for their white life belts. The ship was still lit, the water flooding the bow dyed a bright blue by the electric lights. I tried in vain to spot Will, thinking that perhaps he was still on this side, but I couldn't make out anything, just vague dark figures on deck. We stopped rowing far away from the ship, the suction from a vessel of this size going down would swamp us if we were any closer the sailors warned.

Then it seemed to be nothing but waiting, waiting and watching.

Later I would read in the papers all kinds of sentimental details of the ship sinking. The lines supporting a funnel snapping with a sound like a gunshot, the funnel crushing dozens of people as it fell. Panicked women flinging themselves to the stern, thinking it would save them. A massive explosion from down below as the cold sea hit the boilers, sending foaming water and swimmers flying up. A Catholic priest, leading a group in prayer on the stern, a Hail Mary that the crowd echoed. Some would call for him to be sainted after.

I saw all of that, but to me, it seemed simple. She went down by her bow, the stern rising as the water flooded forward. Two funnels fell, the sound of them creaking and falling fierce across the water, and I was thankful we were far enough away I could not see the results. I could see a good number of people, distinguishable only by their lifebelts, running to the stern. We had little light from beyond the ship, the distress rockets only providing some small relief, but after they were gone the darkness seemed all the more smothering. The stern that people thought would be their refuge proved little good.

It began to twist upward, slowly as the bow dipped below the flat water. I could hear the metal groaning in protest as the weight of the stern kept rising, eventually almost all the way out. The lights flickered once, but then were gone in a flash, and the only way to see the ship was to see where the stars weren't. A terrific roar came from the ship, something deep inside twisting and wrenching, which set the people to screaming more. The darkness covered those on the stern, not even the white of the railing visible, and I was grateful. I couldn't see the people on the stern as it rushed downward, a rush of air coming out of the ship unfurling the flag on the stern railing briefly before it simply slid away.

And then we were alone on the water, with the people not in the boats crying out. It was ghastly, a wail that would run down your spine, and I saw some in our boat covering their ears. I would never forget that sound, thousands it seemed, crying out for relief, for rescuers, for help, for someone to come back for God's sake, please, save us. But we could do nothing. One woman in our boat loudly recited the Lord's Prayer, some joining her to try and drown out the noise. I remained silent, taking the oar in front of me and studying the grain closely in an attempt to ignore them. It was lacquered a smooth brown and the grain rain straight down the oar, only weaving slightly as it continued on. But I found myself looking back where the ship had been only moments before, unable to shut the cries out. Thank God we could not see much, only hundreds of white figures and water splashing, we could not see their faces as they cried for us to come back.

I looked up, desperate to find something else to look at. The stars were bright, almost reflected in the still water around the boats, but the moon was dark. No moonlight to be seen, and I stared at the stars begging them to keep my mind from the people crying out. I tried to remember the stories I had heard about the constellations, to try and find them in the sky, but it kept slipping away. All I could think about was the people not far from us, and that we could not go back without possibly losing our own lives. Oh yes, we could row back and bring on as many as we could. But more would come, would drag on the oars and try to climb the sides. We would be swamped, and those we save would still die, along with us. Officer Lowe, near the front of the boat, turned from the sight and ordered us to make for a grouping of lifeboats that was not too far from us. Our rhythm on the oars was pitiful to say the least and our boat moved slowly through the water. Some of the ladies on the boat protested at having to row, that they could not do it, they were unused to such crude labor. I stayed silent, gripping the oar tighter as I rowed.

We could still hear the cries as we rowed for the other boats, almost ghostly as they rose and fell. I could see the other women around me, some crying, some stone faced, some seemingly annoyed at the sound. I put my full attention to the oar in front of me, but those cries still echoed throughout the night. I wanted to clamp my hands over my ears to block them, but I could barely move my hands from the oars. I barely heard Officer Lowe directing the other boats to come close to us, and ordering women out to the other boats. I didn't even notice what was happening until he stood in front of me, "Miss, I'll need you to move to the other boats, we're taking this one back to find survivors."

I did not let go of the oar. "I will stay, sir."

"Miss, I cannot ask you to row. Please, join the other women."

"Then do not ask me, I shall row and be done with it." I looked down at the oar in my hands. "I fear I shall go mad if I do not have something to do, I can pull an oar, it will be enough." I could hear some of the other women in the nearby boats crying, and I shut my ears to them. I focused on the oar. I could row. I could not sit and think. Thinking would only send me to ruin.

Lowe drew in a breath, his young, clean shaven face showing his resolve firming. "Stay then, but you will follow my orders."

"Yes, sir." I stayed at my oar as he brought over more crewmen to man the other oars, directing two other men to join me on mine. Eventually we had a full complement and slowly began to row back towards the wreckage. It was quiet now, and I almost found I missed the cries. The silence was absolute, broken only by the sound of our oars and our breathing. The first bodies started bobbing by, and I will never forget the pale skin, almost blue, and the staring eyes on the man my oar bounced off of. It was a solid thunk, repeated as we made our way farther into the field. The boat did not shiver when we hit a body, it merely thunked off and we continued on. We moved even more slowly, trying to avoid hitting the bodies that we saw. Officer Lowe and few others were in the bow, casting a light over what was in front of us. He called out for survivors, for anyone to answer him. Some of the sailors muttered that it was pointless, but were quickly hushed by the others. I could hear the occasional rush of water from the bow, as a sailor lifted a body out of the way, or pulled them closer to see if they were alive. The first few bodies had given us a start, but as their light swept over the field, I felt numb. There were so many, all floating because of their life belts. We tried to be careful as we made our way through the field, avoiding bodies and wreckage equally, so the oars barely stirred the water.

I did not think. I could not think. The only thing I could do is row, my attention only on moving the oar in the oarlock. The others were quiet, all of us stilling when Lowe ordered it. He was searching for something, listening for a cry. We found a few people still alive, including a girl who had managed to get her hands on a whistle to alert us. She was wrapped in a blanket, one of the few we had, and moved back towards the tiller. One man who we pulled out joined us on the oars, another lay gasping towards the back of the boat. The gasping stopped after a few minutes. Lowe was giving the order for us to turn around and head back to the other boats when I stilled. It was faint, almost inaudible, but I heard something, a cry brought over on the wind that was stirring. I spoke up, "Officer Lowe, I can hear something."

Everyone in the boat froze, not even breathing. One of the sailors next to me looked out, squinting. "I hear it too, sir. Faint, but to the starboard."

Lowe looked out into the darkness, "Then row that way, there may be others." We all bent ourselves to the task, and it was good to leave behind that field of bodies. It was good to think of nothing more than rowing, stilling only when our course was adjusted as the sound grew slowly louder, changing our heading by a few degrees each time. It took a good deal of time to finally point ourselves right at it and start moving faster.

The sea began to rise though, as did the wind, and we took a small wave over the side that left me and my benchmates soaked from our knees down and all of our feet swimming in water. The shock of it sent me to shivering, and I raised my feet as best I could. The sailors next to me offered to take the oar themselves, to let me go to the back of the boat and rest, but I shook my head. I was cold, but I could not be idle. If I was idle, I would scream.

The sea grew rougher and the bow dropped down a trough for a moment before the swell picked us back up. The sudden shift had the oars tangled for a moment before the sailors could sort them out and Lowe, cursing, ordered the mast brought up and the sail raised, saying he would take control of it himself. I hadn't even known there was a mast down below our feet, but the sailors were quick about raising it and the sail, before we all huddled closer to each other to try and get warm again. The wind that we were harnessing made the cold that much worse, but with the wind we could deal with the swell, rising and falling smoothly.

The sound grew louder, a mix of hoarse cries and sharp whistles, but it took so long to get to where we could see it. I must have been at the oar for hours as we searched. We had to make our way around ice, small pieces and larger bergs that the sound echoed off of before we caught a glimpse of the survivors. One of the sailors at the bow still had the light and was casting it about when he stopped, illuminating an absurd scene. For a moment it looked like a group of men were simply standing knee deep in the water, as if Christ had decided to let them join him for a walk, but as we drew closer I could see the boats beneath them, capsized but the air underneath them was enough that they could stay afloat. They swayed slightly as the swell rose, a voice rising to give orders to adjust the placement of the men to counteract the movement of the ocean.

Lowe stood up, rocking slightly in the boat. "Charles, is that you?"

"Harold, thank God." The group shifted to admit a man to walk through, and I recognized Second Officer Lightoller. He was pale, and I could see his clothing was soaked and almost frozen to his frame. "Get us off this damn thing." Our boat was brought alongside, and slowly the men entered. Their movements were stiff, and one man was carried by two others to the back. He looked very young, and his feet hung limply from him. They kept coming though, and with every one our boat settled lower into the water while their's rose. Eventually the first capsized boat was cleared and Lightoller started bringing over the men from the second. They looked almost like schoolboys trying to balance on a log as they crossed from one capsized boat to the next and then over the gunwales. But our boat was full before even half of them were on, the sea licking dangerously at the edge.

"Hold it, we're full up." One of the crewman at the bow said, "We'll come back for the rest." That set off a great groan from those still standing. They were no longer knee deep in the water, but it still covered their feet. A few started to move back to the other boat, trying to let the boats regain some height above the water so their feet would be dry.

Officer Lowe glared at the outspoken sailor, turning to Lightoller. "How many are left?"

"There's Moody, Murdoch, myself and probably ten others left." Lightoller said as he took stock of what he could see. When I heard Will's name I started from my daze and set myself to looking, trying to find him. But it was dark, only a bit of gray light at the horizon, and I could barely make out my hand in front of my face. Without the light of day, I had no idea where he was. I got an impression of pale oval faces as Lowe cast the light over them, and then they were gone. If it hadn't been for the crew making sure their boats didn't float away I might not have even known they were there.

Lowe moved back to the stern, pulling a length of rope from below a bench. "Then tie this line on and we'll tow all of you back to the main group." It took some time, and a great deal of cursing from quite a few of the men, apparently they had to reach into the water to find the cleats to secure the capsized boats, but eventually both of the capsized boats were tied behind us and we began to pull back to where we had come from. It was slow, even with the sail and the extra men on the oars. The capsized boats dragged behind us, I could hear Lightoller giving instructions to the others to go back and bringing some others forward. The sailors in my boat kept calling back, joking with the fellows being towed.

"Did you see our guest here, Tommy? She's been rowing harder than Stephen since we started!" One of the men next to me called back.

That drew a loud laugh from someone back on the boats. "Stephen, you're going to let a woman put you to shame in there?" Stephen, who I could only assume was the increasingly red faced man on the back port oars, cursed loudly at his friend. Officer Lowe turned, looking ready to call them back into some kind of order, but I caught his eye and shook my head. Let them joke, it did them well. It was good for all of us.

"Sorry, Miss." The sailor on my oar looked over, "Just something to keep our spirits up."

"I don't mind." I smiled, pulling on the oar. "It's better than what we've been hearing."

"Yes." He quieted for a moment. "I'm Charlie Ripkin, and this lump over here is Byron Jones." He elbowed the man next to him, who lost his grip for a second before grabbing the oar again and giving me a nod.

"Anastasia Dalian." I nodded to both of them, "It's a pleasure to meet the both of you."

The two of them gave a laugh at that before Charlie spoke up again. "Ah, you don't mean that. Couple of crass boys like us."

"You're better than some others I've met in the First Class areas." I tried to smile, but it didn't want to come. The two of them started on a discussion of what they called those 'pompous first class pricks', apologizing for the language but I told them I was actually quite eager to learn that type of speech. My education in the world of cursing began, and I actually grinned a bit when Lowe loudly called for them to shut their mouths. I winked at them, it was simply something to pass the time while we rowed. When we were talking about their favorite curses it was almost easy to forget what had just happened, to push it to the back of my mind. To keep from focusing on it and letting myself drown in my thoughts. We were beginning to get enough light to actually see by the time we got back to the main group.

The lifeboats looked so delicate sitting placidly on the waves, people sitting straight backed in them as they gently moved up and down. I could hear some talk over the water, some crying out for loved ones while others simply chatted about anything. One lady was even arguing with another about her smoking. Part of me wanted to be angry at them, for acting as if what had just happened was so trivial, but I knew they were as affected as I was, just dealing with it differently. At least I hoped so, I hoped that no one could be so callous as to ignore what had just happened.

Our boat pulled close to another, my oar among those shipped to allow men onboard to cross over to the less filled boat. My arms burned from the strain of the oar, and I could barely remove my hands from it, fingers still curled in a claw. Charlie and Byron were loudly ordered to get away from me and into another boat. I grabbed them before they went, giving them my address and telling them I would love for them to write. I think I actually embarrassed them with that, and they doffed their caps as they thanked me before moving on.

There was another shuffle as men were moved from our boats to others and the capsized boats were finally emptied, crewman clumsily dropping into ours and finding a place on a bench. I recognized the young officer who had asked me to help find women and children, remembering Officer Lightoller's words I figured he must be Officer Moody. Moody went onto another bench, dropping down like a puppet with its strings cut, and I was watching Officer Lightoller bring over the last man when I saw his face, hidden somewhat by a cap pulled low, but a face that I knew. I recognized him, pale and unmoving as he was, I would recognize him anywhere. "Will." I breathed, watching as Lightoller brought him along through the boat.

Lightoller must have heard me for he stopped by me, Will hanging off of his shoulder. "Miss Dalian, what are you-" He shook his head, shifting Will over and setting him on the bench by me. "Never mind, can I trust you to take care of him? He's had an awful blow with this and he was in the water for quite awhile."

I took Will's hand, cold and stiff. His gloves were practically ice, his hands must be nearly frozen inside. "Yes, you can."

"Don't let him go to sleep, no matter how much he wants. See if you can get that coat off him and get one of yours on him." Lightoller started working the brass buttons loose for me, "Keep moving his hands and feet. Hopefully it won't be too much longer."

"Is there a ship coming?" I couldn't help the hope in my voice, the desire to leave here. To get Will somewhere warm and kiss him, to have him hold me. I looked at Will, still as a sculpture as Lightoller finished unbuttoning his greatcoat. He barely seemed to recognize anyone, he didn't speak or reach out or anything. He must be half dead of cold. The sooner that ship arrived the better, for all of us.

"Should be, had one of the wireless boys on my boat and he said the Carpathia should be here soon as she could." He started moving on, "I've got to get everything sorted out with them, just keep him upright and awake."

With that, I was left with Will. If I could not see the slight puffs of air as he breathed, or the slow blinking of his eyes, I would have thought him dead. Ignoring his unseeing eyes I started working on his coat, getting him to stand up so I could pull it off and set it on the bench. He could barely stand though, and I would up pulling it out from underneath him when he shifted slightly, leaning against me while I tugged at his hands from in front. The greatcoat was soaked through, the jacket underneath and the lifebelt over it still wet. Even his hat was soaking wet, and I pulled it off and set it with his coat.

I ran my hands through his hair, trying to flick away any water that was left. It left his hair standing in every direction, but it was better than being plastered to his head. For a moment I thought about pulling the lifebelt off, but everyone else still wore their's so I left it. I stood and drew off one of my coats, wrapping it tightly around him and pulling the collar up so that it came up to his chin. I pulled my gloves off, rubbing my hands together to get some warmth in them and then pressing them to his face.

"Ana." He mumbled, his eyes finding mine. The blue eyes I so loved to look into were haunted, barely holding mine before they slid off into the distance. He didn't seem to focus on anything, not the horizon, not the sea, just looking beyond at something that I could not see.

I smiled even though I could barely move from the cold. It was painful, but I did my best to ignore it for him. "Will, you need to stay awake. Talk to me, please Will."

"You came back," He brought an arm up slowly, drawing me closer to him. His arm barely moved, more of a slight lift than the strong arm I had been in only a few hours ago. His jacket was icy, I could feel it even through the fur coat, so I brought up my mink and wrapped it around his shoulders. He looked at me as I was settling it on him, and I leaned forward and briefly pressed my lips to his forehead. His voice was hoarse, "I'm so glad to see you. Before I, oh Ana, I'm so cold."

My heart broke to hear him say it, he sounded like a man at a funeral, a man resigned to his fate. But I kept smiling, "I'm glad to see you too, and you saved all those men." I took his hands in mine, stripping off the soaked gloves. I shoved his hands up into my coat sleeves, feeling his fingers twitch slightly as I did. They were practically ice. It was difficult to get his fingers bent around my arms, and I had to keep myself from hissing when he finally pressed his fingers against my skin. He was so cold, what I could see of his shirt soaked and his sleeves still dripping. I could feel myself begin to cry as I leaned into him, the tears even colder on my cheeks. "Please Will, hold me. I can warm you."

He did not move. "I will only chill you. I am so tired Ana, please, just let me be."

I practically wrapped myself around him, ignoring the cold water that soaked into my coat, the water that lapped at my boots, the other people in the boat, focused only on drawing his head down to my shoulder and pulling my own coat over his head, creating a tent almost to hold in the heat. "No, I am so warm it will be nice to cool down. I rowed the whole time, I am warm enough that I feel I might start sweating." I smiled through my tears, continuing in an almost hysterical fashion. "Who else can I trust to hold me? To keep me company? I need you by me Will, and you need me." He didn't speak, but I felt him press into me slightly. "There, see? I will have you warm in just a moment and Officer Lightoller said a ship is coming. We'll get picked up and head out. And I can arrange passage for us anywhere after we get back to land. We can go to New York, and you can stay with me, or we can go to England and I can see your house. And we'll go somewhere where it never gets cold, California or Egypt. It will all be alright, I promise."

I felt him shudder as he breathed in, a sob catching in his throat. It was hard to make out what he said from where his face was buried in my shoulder, under my coat. "Why will you not leave me, Ana? I bring nothing but ruin. You would be better off if I was back in the water."

I brought my hand up around his head, holding him close as the slight waves rocked the boat. "Because I love you, William Murdoch, you silly man, and I am too stubborn to give up on you." And so we waited, holding each other close as the light slowly came up over the small party of lifeboats, waiting for any sign of rescue. I do not know if the wet I felt against my shoulder was the his damp clothing or if Will was crying where no one could see him, but I did not care. He was here, I would get him warm, that was all I would focus on. I took any weakness I felt, any thoughts of grieving or inaction, and threw them into the water. I would be strong, strong enough for Will, strong enough for Mother, strong enough to get through this and drag them through with me. There would be time for grief later, time when I could bear it. But I could not bear it now.

Not when the man I loved needed me to be strong.

Chapter Text

The first sign of rescue was a sparkling rocket launched from somewhere beyond our sight. It set up a great cry among the boats, and some started pulling for it immediately. Lightoller called out for them to stop, that the boats should stay together until we saw the ship. We watched as more rockets came up, each getting slightly closer. The ship, when it eventually came into view, seemed so small when compared to the one we had been on. It only had one funnel, painted a bright red and black. I heard Moody mutter from behind us, "Of course, it has to be Cunard."

I could see an officer standing up in one of the boats, a flare sputtering green light in his hand as he signaled to the ship that was approaching. It slowed, stopping some distance from us. The closest lifeboat started to move toward it, and there was a bit of a lunge from the others before the officers restored some order among them. Each boat would go up one at a time, empty its passengers, and then would be hauled up, according to the word that was passed back. The gangways of the ship were open, rope ladders dropped down to the boat approaching. I saw people climbing, and some who were so stiff they had to send down rope slings to haul them up to the top deck itself.

I huddled closer to Will, taking his hands and trying to work them between my own. Once I had gotten some warmth back into them during the night I had my gloves on him, and only now put his own back on. I had been trying to keep both his hands and his feet moving throughout the night as Lightoller had said to, making him lift his legs and move his feet out of the water that was still in the bottom of the boat. He grimaced as I bent his hand into a fist and back out, "It hurts."

"I thought you would want to climb and not be carried."

"I don't rightly care at the moment." He grumbled, his voice faint, "I can't even fathom what we'll face up there."

I began moving his fingers back and forth, breaking a thin sheet of frost on his gloves. "Then let me do this for you, and if you need anything up there, I'll be there too." If I could do something for him I didn't have to think about what had happened. About what would happen. All I had to think about was working his hands, opening and closing them to work the muscles. It was slow work, especially as I was trying to avoid hurting him. I looked up as I worked, taking time to watch the unloaded lifeboat being hooked up to a cargo crane and hauled up to be stowed on the bow deck.

Our boat, so far back, was one of the last to come up. The men shuffled around, clearing the way for any women on board to head up first. There was only me, so I made my way over the benches, balanced by several of the sailors when I wobbled on my feet and the gentle waves rocked the boat. I followed the directions of a stewardess on how to climb up the rope ladder, my fingers burning with pain as I gripped the wooden rungs. The second I set my foot on the linoleum of the deck I was immediately enveloped in a steamer rug and a hot drink pressed into my hands.

The staff supported me over to an area away from the gangway, which I was thankful for for my feet felt wooden and clumsy as I tried to move forward. I leaned back against a wall, glad to take the weight off of my feet that I couldn't feel. It was almost painfully warm inside, my skin tingling where the hot air hit it. Some of the staff tried to hustle me upstairs but I stayed still. I would see the entire boat off before I moved I told them. It went slowly, the sailors each being greeted as I was, with a blanket and something warm to drink. Some of them nodded to me as they were led away, and I couldn't help be puzzled, until one sailor stopped. His tanned face split into a smile, "You're a hell of a lady, Miss." A steward spluttered out something about using that language in front of a woman and he was quickly led away.

Lightoller came up, downing a cup of tea in one go and standing by the gangway to help up the others. Will came last, stiff and lurching slightly as he gained the deck. A rug was held out and a cup of coffee given, and then he was by my side. He reached up and touched my lip, "You're bleeding."

I reached up, my fingers coming away bloody. I didn't feel it. My lips must have cracked from the cold. I slowly looked down at the blood on my fingers, brushing them against the steamer rug to clean them. A steward coughed, handing me a cloth to press against my bleeding lips. He looked to Will, "Are you an officer of the Titanic, sir?"

Will nodded wearily, "Yes, I am."

"We'll see to your wife sir, but I know some of the others from White Star are speaking together and wanted all officers brought to them."

Will gently gripped my hands, tightening them around the cup of tea that I could barely feel the heat of. "She's not my wife, but she is very dear to me."

"We'll get her warm sir, and fed. If you'll follow me?"

I looked up at him, noting how his eyes seemed to not hold onto anything but mine. "You'll find me, just like you promised. I'll be fine." I squeezed his hand slightly, I would have kissed him but it was strange to have all of these people looking at us. It had seemed to matter so little back out on the boat, but now I was painfully aware of the eyes on us.

Will nodded, slowly walking up the staircase as the steward led him away. I could barely move, stiff and pain wracked as I was. A stewardess came forward, after I stumbled and almost fell, helping me move up through the ship. I looked over at her. "Have you seen a tall man, brown haired, older? In a suit?"

She looked away. "No ma'am, what class were you in?"

"First."

"You'll be up in the saloon then." She muttered, shifting our course slightly. She brought me to a large dining room, although much smaller than it had been on Titanic. The tables and chairs had been cleared away, blankets and pillows taking their place. She settled me onto a blanket, promised to send the ships doctor my way and left. I looked around, trying to recognize anyone. I saw Madeline Astor, her arm held close and her face pale. God only knew what this would do to her pregnancy. The Countess of Rothes, heading out with a pile of blankets in her arms, talking about distributing them to the other classes. But most I did not recognize, and I saw so few men. I could see the Reichsters, and I quickly drew the steamer rug up around me for some protection, but they seemed to hardly notice me. Whatever calm attitude they had had in the boat had left, and Zachary looked dangerously sober at the moment. I huddled back against a wall, looking through the crowd for any trace of Mother of Father. It seemed little more than people, covered in blankets, wandering from group to group and asking after loved ones.

And then I saw my mother, pale and drawn but standing.

I struggled up, fumbling my way forward. "Mother!" The Reichsters could go to Hell, all I cared about was getting to her even as I could barely feel my feet and keep my balance. I bumped into a table and used it to support myself as I stumbled to her.

She turned. "Anastasia!"

I threw myself into her arms, desperate to hold her. She was cold, but her grip was strong. The lavender water I was so used to smelling on her had gone, replaced by the smell of salt water. Her voice was hoarse as she dragged her fingers through my hair, placing a kiss on top of my head. "Have you seen him?"

I didn't need to ask who she meant. "No, but I only just came on."

Her grip became so tight it was almost painful. "I will go and look in the other areas. Stay, rest."

She moved better than I did, holding a blanket around herself as she made her way out of the saloon. I tried to sip at my tea, thinking that I would only drink a little because who knew when they would bring us more. But it was hot and strong and I drank it all in a few swallows. My throat felt warm, and I could feel it warming my belly, but I was still so cold. I staggered over to a wall, pushing my back up against it, out of the way and where I could sit down. A steward came by with another cup, beef broth this time, and a Marconi form.

"Here miss, let's get you warm. Any word you want to send? Free of charge."

I took the cup from him and considered the form, the pencil he held hovering over it. People would need to know, friends and the few relatives that we had. Our business manager would see to that though, "Yes, please send to Adam Keller at Dalian Shipping in New York."

The pencil scribbled, "Alright, what should it say?"

I thought for a moment. "Mrs. Dalian and daughter safe, Mr. Dalian unknown. Onboard Carpathia. Further instructions to follow. From Anastasia."

He wrote quickly but cleanly, tucking the form into a pocket. "We'll get this sent right out."

Then I was left alone until the ships doctor arrived. He didn't have any assistants, and saw to some of the other women before he came to me. Madeline Astor was directed off to a vacated cabin, considering her condition. The doctor fortunately did not seem to have to so much, merely ordering most of the others to consume as much hot food and drink as they could before he came to me. He looked rather frazzled, but he spoke kindly, asking me to tell him if I felt any discomfort in my limbs as he moved them.

"Please, sir, I am stiff and it hurts to move. My legs and feet especially so." I gasped as he worked my arms, the muscles sore and screaming. I felt like I could barely lift them after, and it took everything to hold onto the blanket.

"If we do not move them they will hurt more," he replied as he examined my feet after pulling my boots off. They looked so pale, almost blue on the toes. When he pressed his fingernails against the bottom of my foot I could not feel it. He called for a hot towel and wrapped my feet tightly, rubbing them while they thawed. It took three heated towels before I could begin to feel them again It hurt, a lot, as the blood rushed back into them, as their color came back, and I will not be ashamed to say that I cried as he bent them back and forth. But it was only the pain. I shed tears but I did not sob, did not shudder. There was no emotion left in me to let loose. A donated pair of stockings was brought over, and a pair of large woolen socks.

The doctor secured these, then brought over another blanket to wrap around them. He then offered me a flask of all things, "We don't have much in the way of pain relief Miss, and this should help warm you."

I took it from him, taking a large swallow. I almost gagged at the taste of the whiskey, but it felt a trail of fire as it went down my throat. I gulped down another swallow before he took the flask from me. "Thank you, that was much needed."

He flicked the lid back on, "Rest, Miss. All you need is rest now." The whiskey wound up mellowing me out, and making my eyes heavy. I guess I dozed off at some point. All that passed through my mind was what happened. No pleasant dreams of balls and cotillions, but screaming people pushing their way forward, the sharp rip of gunshots, and all through it the great moaning of Titanic as she twisted farther down, the great pressure crushing everything. And someone was shaking me, talking, and I bolted upright in a fright.

Will was knelt down by me, a worried look on his face. "Ana, what is it?"

I shook my head, I wouldn't speak of it. "Just a bad dream."

"You were screaming and shaking." He looked back, and I saw the other people in the saloon had moved away, some frightened but some looked at us with open hostility. I briefly wondered if their anger was directed at Will or me. My throat felt scratchy, I must have terrified them. My mother had always told me that I sometimes spoke when I slept, but I had never screamed before.

"A nightmare, then." I grabbed onto his hand, pulling him down towards me. "Please, just, I don't want to talk about it."

"Have you been seen to?" He asked as he knelt down.

"Yes, my feet had to be warmed." I told him. "Nothing else. What of you?"

He moved closer to me, sitting and throwing an arm around me and drawing both blankets over us. I was close up against him, noticing that his coat and jacket had been replaced with a ill fitting shirt and trousers. "We sent a wireless to New York, we're headed there. A roll call of passengers will be done later. As for now, we're to rest."

"And you didn't need any medical attention?"

"No, simply needed to get warm." Will shivered a little, and I pressed my hand against his side. Even through the shirt I could feel the slight chill on his skin. Nothing like it had been though.

Not caring who saw I pulled myself close to him, resting my head on his shoulder. "You saw the other officers?"

"Yes, all except Wilde made it off. And the Captain."

I closed my eyes, the lids heavy. That kindly old Captain, gone. So many, just gone. "Please, tell them when we get to New York not to find a hotel. Our house has more than enough space for all of you."

"I can't ask that of you, Ana."

"I know, which is why I'm ordering it." There was a brief lull as a round of stewards came in, offering more hot drinks. I wanted to ask if they had any more of that whiskey, but I accepted a cup of chocolate instead.

"Have you found your family?" Will sipped at a cup of coffee he grabbed from a passing steward.

I blinked, shoving down any feelings. "I found Mother, but I haven't seen Father."

"Oh God, Ana. I'm so sorry." I could see him trying to figure out what to say next, but I just buried my head against his shoulder. He brought a hand up to press against my back, and all I wanted was to simply stay there. Together we sat on the floor of the dining saloon of the Carpathia. Will was beside me, both of us too cold, too stunned to try and say anything more. To even think. All I could do was lean on him.

Occasionally a steward brought by something warm, tea or coffee, or a message for Will about what White Star was planning. Ismay was apparently one of the few who could even keep moving, keep doing something. When asked for a response Will would only give a few words, and then stay quiet. Some bland food was brought, I barely even noticed it as I gulped it down. All I cared about was that it was warm. The sun slipped away, and the lights of the dining saloon were turned far down to allow for us to sleep.

At some point I nodded off, pillowed on Will's shoulder. Whatever sleep I got was rough and short, and soon enough I was awake, looking out at the people by us. Some quietly wept, many were asleep, and I could see a few smoking borrowed cigarettes near the door.

Mother had come back, wrapped in her own blanket and a cold cup of tea by her. She was sat at one of the few tables that hadn't been moved. Her hair hung loose around her face, her head drooped, and her arms wrapped around herself. Her voice was flat. "He's gone. I searched everywhere."

I couldn't even summon the energy to cry. To even feel. Father was gone, dead. It was just a fact to me then. The sky was blue, fire was hot, Father was dead. I couldn't feel any grief rise in me, just a great emptiness. "What will we do?"

"Survive. Do something." She blinked without seeing, her eyes drifting to Will. "And him? What are your plans for him?"

"At this point, keep him close. I can't lose him too."

"People will want his head."

"They are welcome to try me." I wished I could have summoned some anger to my voice, some emotion, but my voice was weak and insubstantial. "I intend to house the officers in the dock house, Will said we're going back to New York."

"Is that proper?"

"I don't give a damn at this point." I moved slightly as Will pulled me closer to him, his head shifting in some dream.

A ghost of a smile appeared on Mother's lips. "You are so like him." Her face crumpled then, shoulders shaking, but she made no noise. I removed Will's arm from where it was wrapped around me, gently moving over to sit next to her. She did not throw herself into my arms, merely hiding her face in her hands. I ran my hands along her back, trying to offer some comfort.

"When we get back, go to the Fifth Avenue house and shut the door. No callers, and I will have all the business matters sent to me. I can deal with it, Mother." Half hoping to convince myself, I held her close. "You've carried the weight long enough Mother, let me take it." I sat with her, not speaking but merely holding her. Eventually her grief wore her out, she mumbled something about needing a bed, but there were none to be had. Some passengers had vacated their cabins, but they'd been given to survivors in worse states than us.

I grabbed a couple pillows, a blanket, and got Mother situated somewhere closer to the heater in the room. More of the women were gathered by it, and they made room as she came over and laid down. I left her there, moving back to the area Will and I had claimed. Before he had laid out we had placed a couple pillows on the floor as our makeshift bed, and the floor was hard but warm against me as I settled back down by him. He had warmed throughout the day, and I pressed myself close to him as I threw my blanket back over us. I had just closed my eyes when I felt him breathe in sharply. I started, rising so I could look at him. "Will?"

"Ana, oh thank God." He had that wildness in his eyes again, what I had seen back on Titanic, but it was better than the daze he had been in all day. He buried his face in my hair, loose around my shoulders, and I felt him shivering. Instinctively I wrapped my arms around him, feeling him finally warm again in my arms after he was so cold earlier.

"Will, what is it?" I asked, bring my hand up to cup his head. He didn't answer, just grasping me tighter. "Will, tell me."

His voice, already low, was muffled further by my hair and where his face was pressed against me. "I thought to stay on the ship, to die."

I froze. "What?"

"It seemed the right thing to do, those people would die because of my failure, why should I not join them? I thought about using the gun, that it would be quick. And then I was in the water, and I thought that would send me off too, but the boat was right by me and I went for it. I don't quite know why. I swam, pulling men close to me on, but hoping that I would sink before too long. But I didn't and they pulled me up, and then I pulled up Moody and we were so far from the wreck. I thought, why not throw myself into the water after? Give another man a place?" I didn't cry, but my fingers clawed at him, pressing him to my breast, desperate to hold him close.

He spoke quickly, as if the thoughts were spilling out of him. "And then I remembered the promise I made you, but I knew you would not want to live with a man who had such shame, with a killer. So I thought I might slide off sometime in the night, while the others were waiting. I was so cold, and it seemed so easy. But Charles kept calling out, asking me to try and get our boat closer or to move some men to even it out. I almost stepped off when Lowe was towing us back, but Charles brought me up to the front, and then you were there and I didn't know what to do. I knew you would hate me, think me a murderer or a coward for not dying."

I pulled him flush to me, quieting him. "Hush Will, there is no shame in living. I would rather have you here, next to me, than gone. Like I said in the boat Will, I love you. Nothing will change that. You are no coward for living, and I will make you see that. I swear it." He shivered in my hands, his voice catching as he tried to speak and I pressed innumerable kisses to his head, murmuring how much I needed him by me, how much he meant to me.

I can not remember all that I spoke, words of comfort that I half remembered lovers whispered to each other in books, the pain I felt in losing Father and how I would not have been able to go on if I had lost him too, and the way he kept me going, gave me something to focus on aside from what had happened and the terrifying thought of the future. I rocked him like he was a child, and spoke all kinds of nonsense, nothing about what had happened but about what we would do. About the yacht in Newport, and how he would sail it and teach me, how I would host a ball at the Fifth Avenue house and only tell a few people it was in costume and we would laugh to see them among the others. How we would watch fireworks for the Fourth from the dock house, where the windows were so large and so high it was almost like being among the sparks.

Anything to get his mind calmed, to settle him. It lasted throughout the night, hours I am sure, and I felt him still as he fell back asleep, leaving me alone with my tears. I would never let him be alone, not until those thoughts of his had passed. I would only send him off with the other officers, they would keep him focused. But at night, when those dark thoughts reared up, he would be in my arms.

My heart broke that night, with Will breathing softly as he held me close and Mother curled into a ball by the heater. A crack from losing Father, a crack from seeing Mother brought low, and the final blow from hearing Will say he wanted to die. But I took each of those pieces, pulling them back together. Down from somewhere deep inside, from my very will, I pulled steel bands and wrapped them around the pieces. I would hold them there like a splint on a broken bone, they would hold my heart together until it healed.

No matter how long it took.

Chapter Text

The morning found us still moving slowly back towards New York, and sitting in the saloon seemed torture at this point. To see all the crying people, and to feel nothing for them. It was as if the sadness that I had felt had frozen back out on the water, turning me icy. It was not that I did not recognize their pain, but merely that it did not affect me, my own vow to be strong preventing me from feeling as they did. I stirred in Will's arms, sitting up. He blearily opened his eyes, "Ana?"

I pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Stay Will, I will get us something warm." I stumbled to my feet, still stiff and painful after last night. A steward was more than happy to give me a couple of cups of coffee and two bowl of oatmeal. At this point I didn't care what he gave me, so long as it was hot. I did ask him to send another telegram for me, telling our staff to have our carriages and auto waiting in New York. I brought the food back to our little spot on the floor, Will had sat up and cleared a small space away from the blankets that we had wrapped around ourselves, an impromptu table. I set the food down and sat. "Here, breakfast."

Will moved slowly, drinking his coffee more than eating his oatmeal. He still had the look about him that he barely noticed anything, except for when I reached over to gently touch his arm. He looked up, "Ana, do you know what is happening? I am so tired, I fear I cannot remember anything from last night."

I drained the last bit of coffee from my cup, wishing that I could forget last night too. I usually hated coffee, it was so bitter, but it was hot, and it warmed me through. "I think we are headed back to New York, I wired forward to have our people waiting for us."

"Us?" Will spooned up another helping of steaming oatmeal.

"I'm not letting you room in some hotel." I grumbled as I stirred my own breakfast, "Like I said last night, tell the other officers, you're all going to be staying with me until we can get you back on your feet."

His spoon clattered down. "You don't have to do that."

"I want to." I caught his eyes, and reached over and grabbed his hand. He hadn't protested this much last night, we were both so exhausted. "I am not letting you out of my sight once we get to the city, Will. You will stay with me, and everything I have will be at your disposal."

"You shouldn't be doing all that."

I moved myself across the floor, kissing his cheek when I neared. "Go ahead and ask Mr. Lowe about beating my stubborn mind."

"Lowe?"

"He didn't want me to row back. I refused to leave, I was deadset on it." I closed my eyes, breathing as I shoved the memory of going back far down in my mind. "So really Will, just go along with it. It will be much easier for you." He chuckled at that, and I kissed him properly. "See, there you are."

His breath was warm as it brushed against my lips, "I should find the other officers then. Let them know about the arrangements you've made." He struggled up, the clothes on him still swimming as he stood. He brushed at his trousers, "Although first I will see if my own clothes are clean. You should see one of the stewards, get everything cleaned up." It was fairly obvious he was putting last night behind him, and I was unwilling to revisit it now in the light of day.

I put on my biggest smile. "Getting clean sounds wonderful." He nodded, grabbing a steward who was walking by and relaying our requests. We were quickly directed to the appropriate areas, and a stewardess was more than happy to provide me with a donated dressing gown to wear while my gown and everything else was taken away and cleaned. I made sure to grab my little matchbook and message from my coat, tucking them into a pocket on the dressing gown.

The stewardess ran me a hot bath, and I could have stayed for hours it felt so good. I knew I was still cold, bu when I felt the heat penetrate down into my very bones, it seemed they fairly cracked as the cold was driven away. By the time the water had cooled down I was ready to get out, and swiftly dried myself off. A clean chemise had been provided, and I drew the dressing gown on over it. The stewardess assured me she would bring my clothes to me as soon as they were clean, and I went back to the saloon.

It had cleared out somewhat, but there were still enough men around that I wrapped myself in a steamer rug over the dressing gown. I had never worn this little clothing around people, it was disconcerting. I found Mother, wrapped up and sitting at a table with Mrs. DeWitt Bukater. I sat down, "You should get them to draw you a bath, Mother. It feels divine."

She nodded, her eyes fixed on the table. "It sounds very nice."

"Anastasia, have you seen Rose?" Mrs. DeWitt Bukater cut in, her voice harsh.

I shook my head, "I'm sorry, no." She collapsed into a pile of sobs at the table, burying her head in her hands. The outward display of grief unnerved me, but Mother reached across and slowly patted her hand. I stood up, desperate to get away. "I am going to see if I can find Marie and the others. I'll be back." Mother didn't even acknowledge me, simply grabbing Mrs. DeWitt Bukater's hands and holding her close.

I slowly made my way through the various parts of the ship, it took a long time to sort through everyone. I found Marie and Violetta, huddled together on the boat deck. I gripped them in a fierce hug. "You made it off, thank God."

A few sympathetic sounds emerged from them, and they quickly disentangled themselves from me. Marie pulled her blanket closer. "It is good to see you, Miss. Your mother?"

"She's inside, but we cannot find Father." I spoke briskly, moving past it before I could let any feeling come in. "We'll get you both settled down in New York and replace anything you need, alright? You'll have some time off before you start."

Violetta turned to Marie and they had a quick discussion in French before she turned back to me. "Thank you, Miss, but we won't be staying."

"You're not?"

"No, we both want to go back to France." Violetta's voice was firm, "Back to our families."

I closed my eyes and breathed in through my nose. "Very well, we will get you set up with everything you need and book your passage. Please see our housekeeper in New York to arrange for everything."

I had turned away when Marie grabbed my hand. "Do not think harshly of us, Miss."

I hugged her once again. "We all have to make decisions, and I will miss you, but you have your own life to live." I stayed with them for a few more minutes, before the cold drove me back inside.

I had just managed to get some kind of sandwich and a cup of tea for lunch when a man approached me. "Are you Anastasia Dalian?"

"Yes, is there something wrong?" I looked up, then gestured for him to sit by me.

"No, it's only, I was told to find you. By your father." My stomach dropped out, any thoughts of food gone. The man continued, "I was a steward, and I saw your father and his valet heading back with Mr. Astor for a brandy at the end. He grabbed me, told me to get myself to a boat and to that he wanted me to tell you a message." The man closed his eyes, remembering. "Tell her, I knew what she and her mother were worried about, and that I would rather end it here, as a gentleman, while I am still myself. Tell her to remember me not like this, but in happier times. Tell her that I'm sorry I won't be there for her, but that she is strong enough to make it through. He said he didn't want to be a coward, miss." He mumbled some condolences, but quickly left.

And alone, knowing that Father had chosen to go back, had chosen to die, I started to cry.

My thoughts of being strong enough to not grieve fled. All I was was a girl who had lost her father, been in a shipwreck, and had no one nearby to offer some form of comfort. I don't know how long I sat there, sobbing, but eventually a stewardess came along and bustled me back up to the dining saloon where my clothes were waiting. She helped me dress in an empty cabin, wrapped me back up in my rug, and left me where I had started out this morning. I was trying to keep one corner of my blanket for wiping my tears when someone knelt down and took it from me to wipe at my face. I looked up, expecting Will, but was met with Zachary Reichster. His black hair flopped over his forehead, green eyes bright. He smiled, "'Stasia, thank God you're alright."

I couldn't move before he had grabbed me in a hug, lifting me to my feet. "Zachary, put me down."

"God 'Stasia, I didn't know if you had got on a boat, it was killing me." He dropped me, and I moved back against the wall. "You haven't been injured, have you?"

I pulled my blanket tighter. "I'm fine, you can go."

Zachary pulled out a flask, taking a swig before capping it. At that moment, all I wanted was a sip of that flask. "Have you seen Hockley? Nasty business, lost his fiancée. And I can't find Elliott anywhere. But thank God you all got off."

"Not all of us." I blinked hard, feeling the tears coming back.

"No, who?"

"My father." I rubbed my hand under my nose, feeling it begin to run again. "Can you just leave, Zachary? Please?"

"God, 'Stasia, I'm so sorry." He grabbed me in a hug again, despite me pushing against his chest. "I'll take care of everything in New York, you can come stay with us until everything gets settled."

"No, Zachary."

"And your mother, of course. I'll see to getting you some better servants while we help you, never have liked that housekeeper of yours. I'll send for a British butler, he'll do you much better."

"Zachary, no. I will deal with it, let me go." I shoved harder against him, "Let me go or I am going to scream."

"You're hysterical, it's understandable with everything you're going through." He brought his hands down to grip my wrists and I lunged backward. "I'll see to getting the ship's doctor, a little laudanum is all-"

"Hey, let her go!" A loud voice broke through, giving Zachary a start and he instinctively backed up. Officer Lightoller had just entered the saloon, and was swiftly walking over. "She said to let her go."

"Sir, she's hysterical. She doesn't know what she wants." Zachary had resumed his usual relaxed stance after the start he had gotten. "I've dealt with hysterical women before, I can deal with her."

"It sounds to me like she knows exactly what she wants." Lightoller stepped towards him again, "If I see you bothering her at any point while we're on here, I will have you thrown in the brig. Am I understood?"

"Sir, be reasonable-"

"Am I understood?" Lightoller shoved his face up against Zachary's, who simply nodded and beat a quick retreat. Lightoller shook his head, "Will said he was persistent, but Jesus." He turned back to me, "Are you alright Miss Dalian?"

I relaxed just a bit, gulping to try and clear what felt like a blockage in my throat. I knew it was a sob, but I was not going to let it come out. "I am, thank you Officer Lightoller. I hope you and the other officers are feeling better than yesterday."

He sat down on a nearby bench, gesturing for me to join him. "It's been hell, but I think we're all trying to focus on what's in front of us." I sat down next to him, and he lowered his voice. "Has Will spoken to you of what went on when we were out on the water?"

I grit my teeth, remembering last night. "Yes, it sounds as if he had quite a struggle."

Lightoller gave a mirthless chuckle. "You don't know the half of it, I'm afraid. He was a ruin out there, still is."

"He said you kept him from going back into the water that night."

"Bloody fool wanted to, practically had to wrestle him down to stop him," He shook his head, "I've served with him for years, Miss. He's a good man, a good sailor. This has taken all that from him."

"Officer Lightoller, please call me Anastasia."

"Charles, then." He held out his hand and briefly shook mine. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to keep taking care of him, I know it is not a easy duty but he has spoken about how much he cares for you, and I hope that you can care for him enough to see him through this."

"I do care for him a great deal, Charles." I gave a weak smile. "And I was already planning on continuing to take care of him. And the rest of you lot."

He actually gave a laugh. "Will said that, and we'd all be most appreciative. He says your house is huge. Well, one of them."

"Well, I'm afraid the house we'll be in lacks a ballroom, so you'll be a bit disappointed." I joked, feeling an actual smile break out.

"And here I was planning to bring my wife over for a party." Charles stood, "Really though, Anastasia. Thank you for what you're doing. I can't imagine how he'd be dealing with it without you."

"And without you, Charles." I felt the prick of tears again, "It sounds as if you two are great friends."

"Yes, well, I'll see you before we get to New York, and if that pest shows himself send someone for me."

"I'm afraid you'll have to pry him away from Will if he shows back up. Will may just beat the man senseless."

"Well, let him get a few good hits in before you get me then." Charles gave a little smirk, tipped his cap, and then headed off. I tried to keep that image in my mind, Will fighting off Zachary who then was locked in the brig and arrived in New York in disgrace, but it was so ridiculous that I couldn't hold onto it. All I kept coming back to was Father, sitting in the ever tilting lounge, sipping one last brandy before the water came rushing in. I pressed my head to my hands, trying to literally force the image from my mind. The water slowly rising, freezing cold and oh God, Father.

I was crying quietly by the time Will came back, and when I saw him I immediately tried to stop. The last thing he needed was for me to be a puddle of tears. He was back in his uniform, his great coat hanging down and open to show the buttoned up jacket underneath. He sat next to me, pulling me alongside him. "Shh, here. Look what I found in my pocket, they pressed it and everything." He pulled out the handkerchief I had given him and set to drying my tears. His touch was more firm than last night, a bit of color in him. I could smell fresh aftershave, his cheeks and lip freshly shaved clean.

I sniffed, "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. I must be tired still." I drew a few breaths, regaining my composure. "Is there any word on what is happening?"

Will tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, "They're trying to hold the Cedric in New York for us, to take us back to England."

"You won't go, will you?" I grabbed his hand, "I couldn't stand it if you did."

"It's not a sure thing, and I don't think they will hold it." He sighed, settling back against the wall and pulling me with him. "The other officers wanted me to relay their thanks for your offer, they're rather looking forward to it, a few days of peace."

"Good, it will be nice to have company." I pressed myself against him, my head on his shoulder. "How long do you think you'll have before you have to go back?"

"I'm not sure, a few days perhaps?" He rubbed at his forehead, "I can't imagine it will be long."

I took the fear that ripped through me, the thought of him leaving and crossing the Atlantic again, and shoved it aside. "Then I will have to make sure you all have everything you need before you leave. Do you think you could make up a list?"

Will squinted, trying to remember, and slowly began to list off what he could think of; clothes, pajamas, long johns, shoes, socks, shaving kits, coats, a pipe for him, and a hundred and one other things. He paused for a moment, "There was a photo, I have a copy in Southampton, but it is my only one left."

"I can arrange to have it sent, is it of your family?"

"My wife, Ada." He quieted, and I pulled him tighter to me.

"I will have it sent back on one of our ships. The captain will bring it back himself."

"You are not jealous?" Will asked, tensing.

"She was a part of your life, I cannot be jealous, for if you had not met her you would not be who you are now." I squeezed his hand. What I left unsaid was that to me it seemed foolish to be jealous of a ghost. I let myself sit in his arms for a moment, only stirring when another officer approached.

I recognized the young face of Mr. Moody, and he held a pack of cards in his hands. He nodded to both of us, "Mr. Lightoller and I need another pair for bridge, would you care to join?"

Will gave my hand a squeeze, "Ana?"

"Of course, Mr. Moody." I said, standing. "Some distraction would be welcome." Moody gave a smile at that, leading us away from the saloon and into a lounge where I could see Charles had claimed a table towards the center of the room. Moody tossed the pack of cards to him while Will pulled out a chair for me, then moved to sit across from me. I looked to my left, "I did not think to see you again so soon, Charles."

He grinned at that, "What can I say? I got tired of dealing with Ismay, fobbed it off on Boxhall for a few hours."

I gave a chuckle, but Will looked at me. "When did you see him earlier?"

I had paused to come up with some kind of lie when Charles cut in, "Oh, that pest was trying to get her off to the ship's doctor and dosed with laudanum."

"Pest?" Will furrowed his brow.

"Reichster." Charles had started dealing, but paused to grab Will's arm and physically hold him down. "Will, the last thing you need right now is to get thrown in the brig for throwing him overboard."

"Charles, he can't keep doing this." Will practically growled, "At least have the Master-At-Arms lock him in the brig until we get back."

"Oh, I threatened him with that. Ran away with his tail between his legs." Charles gave a chuckle, then looked across to Moody. "Are you ready James?"

The younger man quickly shuffled his cards around in his hand. "Yes, Mr. Lightoller."

"Come off it James, we're not on deck." Charles muttered, and the game began. I will gladly admit to cheating a bit, but if I cheated a bit the three of them were each doing twice what I did. In the end Lightoller and Moody won, and as their prize, decided to switch the game to poker. Will was quite helpful, coming to sit next to me and whisper hints. We used whatever we could find as chips, betting pieces from a tea service and cutlery. It was nice to be distracted, to see Will actually focus on something. It seemed to do him good.

I did shock them all once, after going all in on two pair only to be defeated when Charles showcased a flush, and I swore. "God damn it, Charles! I swear you're cheating." I actually laughed at Will's expression, his eyes wide and a decidedly deep flush on his cheeks. Charles thought it a great laugh, and Moody quickly blushed and looked away.

Will took a minute to gather himself. "Ana, where did you ever learn that language?"

"In the lifeboat." I smiled at him, "It was a most educational experience."

"Ana, Will?" Charles smirked, "Pet names already? My God, you're hopeless." He stood, coming behind Will's chair to clap him on the shoulders. "Just marry her when we get to New York and be done with it."

I blushed at that, and Will spluttered. "Charles, that is entirely inappropriate."

"You took any break you could to see her, there's obviously something there." Charles gave Will's shoulders a little shake. "You've been single for too long, and you're far easier to deal with when you're married." I couldn't help but smile as Will's flush made its way up his ears. Charles stepped away, "Well, I'd better go let Boxhall free. James, go see if the stewards have finished that list for the Marconi boys." Moody seemed more than glad to leave the table, rushing off out of the lounge.

Will fumed for a moment or two, before turning to me. "I apologize for him, he's a good shipmate but he has a tendency towards taking a joke too far."

"You mean you don't want to run off and find a priest as soon as we get back?" I gave a chuckle seeing his flush rise again, "Relax Will, I think I'll enjoy having him as a guest for a few days."

"A few days may be too long."

"Well if Charles is trying to push you to the altar, I'll be the one in white waiting for you." I kissed his cheek, enjoying how I could see him trying to figure out what to say. "I'm joking, Will. We have time."

I would have put this in the notes, but it's too long for that. 

And that ends any connection to Titanic (1997). Moving forward will just be my own characters and historical figures. I figured I would give a bit of a bibliography to finish the movie connection off. Obviously, I have used the movie in this, but I've done a great deal of research outside of that.

For reference and research, I have used the following books and websites. For internet sites, I have added spaces to allow the web address to still be seen, simply remove the spaces to visit.

Hopefully, there will soon be an even better resource for examining the interior of the ship and the process of the sinking rather than just the movie, a game for OS/Windows is expected to be released this winter called Titanic: Honor and Glory. It's been in development for quite a few years, and the creators have released an absolutely amazing walkthrough of the Brittanic already. More info can be found here; www. titanichg. com

I have collected quite a few documentaries that can be found on YouTube here, www . youtube playlist ? list = PL60VEjtIzlZe J7E2w5PfrGakFIm 29wtLd . They have all been useful, and yes there are some at the end of the list that are on the Lusitania or the Atlantic but a lot of these shipwrecks have a thread running through them, linking them all. The ones that I found most interesting though are the BBC radio interviews done with Charles Lightoller and Joseph Boxhall about the sinking.

Titanic and Other Ships by Charles Lightoller-Charles Lightoller definitely lived an interesting life, and he is more than happy to tell you all about it in this book. Including figuring out how to slide all the way across the bridge of the Oceanic.

Guide to the Crew of the Titanic: The Structure of Working Aboard the Legendary Liner by Gunter Babler - If you are going to do anything dealing with the staff of the Titanic, this is the book for you. Want to know how much the Marconi Operators made? Here you go. Want to know how the Third Class Victualing Department operated? Easy find. And the back has a list of the entire crew, noting where they lived, their department and section, and if they were saved.

The Sinking of the Titanic and Great Sea Disasters by Logan Marshall - Originally published in 1912, this is a collection of first hand accounts, but it is definitely not the most accurate. It's good to read if you want to get an impression of how things were first reported and the language of the time. Originaly the book that got me into the Titanic, my middle school had a copy in the waiting room outside the principal's office. Since I got sent to the office several times a year I read it again and again, to the point where when I left my middle school I either took it with me or was gifted it by the office assistant. Can't remember.

Last Night on the Titanic: Unsinkable Drinking, Dining & Style by Veronica Hinke and Last Dinner on the Titanic: Menus and Recipes from the Great Liner by Rick Archbold and Dana McCauley-Great resources for period food and drink.

Titanic Style: Dress and Style on the Voyage by Grace Evans-Excellent overview of 1912 style, men's and women's and across all classes.

The Ship of Dreams: The Sinking of the Titanic and the End of the Edwardian Era by Gareth Russell-Focuses on various first class passengers and how the sinking affected society at large.

A Night to Remember by Walter Lord-The classic account of that night.

The Mammoth Book of the Titanic: Contemporary Accounts from Survivors and the World's Press Edited by Geoff Tibballs-Great resource for period reaction and accounts.

The Titanic Reports: The 1912 Inquiries by the US Senate and the British Wreck Comission-Suprisingly not included with the inquiry testimonies but available separately.

A Season of Splendor: The Court of Mrs. Astor in Gilded Age New York-Overiew of the excesses of the top of New York society.

The Cult of Chiffon: An Edwardian Manual of Adornment by Mrs. Eric Pritchard-A period resource for how women should dress and accessorize themselves.

www. titanicology / WatchTablesFile. html - a breakdown of how watches were done onboard and what times the officers would be on watch.

Websites I have used for multiple resources have been Encyclopedia Titanica, they have a set of deck plans that has been invaluable in addition to the other research that can be found there. The Titanic Inquiry Project has been indispensable for my research, so much so that I have printed out both inquiries, as well as the inquiry into the sinking of the Lusitania, from them and they are currently stacked in four giant binders on my desk.

In terms of fictional books, The Dressmaker by Kate Alcott is absolutely a must read. It's what actually made me want to rewrite my old story because I enjoyed it so much and I remembered that I had made something similar a long time ago. The main character is a seamstress who joins the Duff Gordons on the voyage, survives and has to deal with the aftermath while also sorting out her feelings for a wealthy first class passenger and a sailor who threatens Lady Duff Gordon's position by what he saw on the night of the sinking, which also effects her new job. Really, phenomenal. 10/10, cannot recommend enough.

Thank you all for reading, and please drop me a review to let me know what you think so far.

Chapter Text

Whatever levity that Charles had been able to summon didn't last the next day. I had noticed a distinct silence towards us from the rest of the first class passengers, and actual hostility towards Will. Whether it was a glare or an actual insult whispered, I could see it stung. I was glad when another officer, Pitman, arrived to take Will up to the bridge area to discuss something with the other officers. It left me time to find Mother, wrapped in a blanket and staring out at the sea. The weather had turned as we drew close, rain slowing our progress towards New York. Two ships had come upon us though, in the early morning. I had no idea who they were exactly, but the bright white paint on both of them was the signature of the US Navy.

Mother looked out at them, the light giving her face a gray cast. "An escort, I suppose."

"Yes, I wonder why." I leaned back in my chair, watching the ships through the window. They were only slightly smaller than the Carpathia, but their four funnels, streaming black smoke behind them, spoke to much more powerful engines. The water surged around their bows, foam thrown up into the air. A bank of fog had rolled in overnight, and the ships stuck close to us as we all made our way slowly through the sea.

"We have probably made the front page." Her voice was flat, and she dropped her gaze. I sat with her for awhile, she didn't speak much but occasionally reached over to touch my hand or press her fingers against my hair. Some reassurance that I was still there. I merely watched the ocean, what I could see of it through the fog. It was rougher than it had been, nothing to endanger the ship but seeing some of the weaker stomachs that were onboard, I could easily imagine seasickness breaking out today. Other people were moving about, some coming in from outside or moving off to the lounge to find something to pass the time. I was content to sit next to Mother, almost falling asleep. The Carpathia rolled more than the Titanic, not much but enough to slowly rock, almost as if I was in a rocking chair. My eyes had fluttered shut when I heard it.

"Whore." A woman muttered as she walked by behind me, "Sleeping next to that murderer." By the time I had spun around, outrage boiling in me, the woman had vanished. But I could see the eyes of other passengers on me, and the whispering began. Hands covering mouths, sidelong glances, I felt like an outcast already. I watched as Samantha Reichster's eyes grew wide, her hands fluttering in mock distress as she pointed at me and began to talk to those near her. I hadn't had people gossip about me this much in a long time, since Zachary tried to pass off his attack as a rejected engagement, and being the center of attention for the gossipmongers was not something I enjoyed. I glared at them, almost ready to say something.

Mother gently grabbed my arm, "Anastasia, sit down. You will only draw more attention."

I stiffly lowered myself back into my chair, doing my best to keep my head straight and not notice them. "How can they say that? They don't even know what it's been like, he hasn't done anything. Mother, he's been perfectly respectful, I swear."

"You have been far too close to him, and some feel that he is to blame for the sinking." She talked to me like I was a child, "You must either accustom yourself to their disdain or leave him."

"They can go to Hell." I sniffed, glaring at the other women. Harpies, the lot of them. "He did all he could, I have no doubt about that."

"Perhaps you should sleep apart from him at least." Mother grimaced, "It might improve your language. Really Anastasia, I am worried. I know we have been through a trying time but you have been acting most improper with him, and you should be sleeping with the other women and leave him to sleep with the men. It's no wonder they've begun to talk the way you cling to him at night."

I bit my lip. "I can't bear the thought of sleeping next to them." I angrily jerked my head at the other women, trying to disguise the true reason. All I could think about was the nightmares, the constant grief gnawing at me that I barely managed to outrun despite my vow to not suffer from it. How at night, unless I had Will by me, I could not sleep. Not without the chance of screaming again, and I wasn't willing to risk that.

"It's improper for you to be next to him at night." Her voice was firm, "As your mother I am going to stand firm on that."

I stood, exasperation rising in my voice. "Mother, nothing about this is proper. I rowed a boat through a field of dead men! Zachary tried to have me doped to insensibility yesterday and for God's sake, Father is dead!" I saw her hazel eyes tear and her face fall. I was on my knees in an instant, grabbing for her hands. "Oh, Mother. God, I'm sorry. Please, please don't cry." I repeated this plea over and over, telling her how wrong I was, how much I loved her, that I would find some way to stop the gossip, if only she would stop crying. I was such a horrible daughter, to say such things. To not feel the grief that Mother felt.

A set of footsteps came up behind me, "Look what you've done, upsetting her like that, you worthless child. Why don't you just leave? Perhaps they'd be more accepting of your kind in steerage." I turned to see a woman I did not know, in a rather tattered gown, with a sneer on her face. Mother had stopped crying, but she did not speak. I stood, feeling an anger rising in me that left me quivering. But I could not find the words, the words to tell Mother not to listen to whatever else this woman said, that I would stay with her, and I felt tears pricking my eyes. I was frustrated and angry but I couldn't find what I wanted to say. Not without resorting to the curses I had learned and that would only make things worse.

I gave a small screech, turning away from the woman in huff. I knelt before Mother again, "Please, Mother, please. Look at me." She blinked, slowly, but she did. "You know how much I love you, how much I love," I blinked away a rush of tears, swallowing the catch in my voice, "how much I loved Father. I am horrible for what I said. Please, I'm so sorry. Forgive me, please."

Her fingers gently pushed my hair from my face. "I know, things are trying now. Perhaps we both have spoke a bit harshly." Her voice raised, "And you can leave." I saw her lift her head, staring at the woman. "My daughter is worth ten of you, and if you cannot see that then you are blind."

"She's spending time with those men, the officers who sunk the ship." The woman kept a haughty tone to her voice. "I saw them playing cards yesterday, and she follows that one like a lost puppy."

"I thought I told you to leave." Mother actually stood then, her voice firm for once. "So I would suggest you leave us before I have a steward escort you away." The woman gave an angry sniff, but turned away. It didn't stop the stares of the others though, and I felt that anger rising up in me again. I had never wanted to hurt another person, well aside from Zachary, but all I wanted was to slap that woman. Mother placed a hand on my shoulder, "I actually will go find a steward. If you insist on spending your nights with him, perhaps the best place is in a cabin where you cannot be seen. I will see about finding one. Find something to do, someplace else and they will move on to their next victim." She didn't give me a chance to respond, walking off with her head held high against the snickers of the other women.

I followed her attitude, drawing myself up and swearing to ignore the people watching me. But what to do? I wandered the ship, the class distinctions blurred in light of what had happened. Second class passengers barely paid me mind as I moved through, and third class didn't even look at me. I saw sadness in all classes, but also happiness. A woman holding her children close, a man coming up to them with some little toy in his hands. Outside on the deck was a sailor, surrounded by children, whittling them little animals and people. Some of the children wore clothing hastily made from blankets, and I saw the Countess of Rothes stitching up a shirt cut from a blanket, with a circle of other women carrying on with the cutting and basting. The thought to join them briefly passed through my mind, before remembering that I was not supposed to be drawing attention to myself. I slipped back inside, glad for the warmth.

I barely kept track of where I went, walking just to walk. It felt good to not wobble on my feet, to feel warm and whole. I breathed deeply, the air warm and clean smelling. Wandering through the maze of white halls may not have been the promenade deck I so recently enjoyed, but it was just as good. To move, to breathe, to hear people talking and know that it wasn't about me. Or Will. But eventually, I knew I had to go back. It was growing late, and while I had managed to grab some lunch during my walk, the thought of my little blanket nest was wonderful. I had almost gained the saloon when a steward stopped me, "Miss Dalian?"

"Yes?" I said tiredly. That walk had been more activity than I had thought, and all I wanted was to sleep.

"Your mother has found you a cabin, this way." The steward led me off, finally stopping in front of a second class cabin. He gave a slight smirk. "Your husband is inside." I felt myself blanch at the word husband, but opened the door and stepped through. It was tiny, a chair by a small table and a bed pushed up against a wall, a single porthole providing a bit of gray light.

Will was sat on the bed, his cap in his hands. "Ana?"

I couldn't help the smile on my face as I closed the door behind me. "Husband." It felt good to tease him a little, and I couldn't help the little flutter of my heart at the thought of actually calling Will husband seriously some day. God only knows what is waiting for us, but there might be some chance for that to be a reality in the future.

I sat next to him on the bed, leaning close to him, seeking out the smell of his aftershave. It was so fresh smelling, and I let my nose run along his cheeks. He blushed, but pulled me close. "Your mother must have been talking to Charles."

I shook my head, "My mother is trying to stop the gossiping tongues that saw us for the past few days. Apparently they've moved on from what happened and are looking for a scandal."

"I'll never understand that mindset." Will shook his own head at that, "But I'll gladly thank her for the bed." He leaned back, laying out in the bed. He had shed his greatcoat and his jacket, wearing only his waistcoat and shirtsleeves over his trousers. It made him look much more handsome to me, to have him in this state of undress. I stood, shedding my own coats before sitting back down in my dress. He had closed his eyes, his breathing deep and even, but it jumped when I ran my hand across his chest. The fabric of his shirt was smooth under my touch. I let my hand drift down his vest, I could feel the suspenders under, and I began playing with the chain of his pocket watch before moving back up to pick at the knot of his tie. It came off quickly, and I tossed it onto his other clothes. I leaned over him, kissing the very tip of his nose.

"Will, if you are to be my husband-"

"Don't tell me Charles got to you," He muttered, his eyes still closed.

I felt my fingers find the buttons of his shirt, teasing them through the buttonholes. "Actually, it was my mother. But, should we not, pose as husband and wife for a night? And what that entails?" I laid across him, kissing along his neck. His breathing sped up, his hands finding my back to press me closer. Suddenly my dress seemed so tight, and I stood, reaching around to find the buttons. It took awhile, and I fear I strained my shoulder, but soon I had them undone. I swirled my gown over his discarded clothes, all of them hanging across the back of the chair. In my nightgown I sat back down on the bed, resuming my place across his chest, placing kisses up his neck until I reached his ear. I kissed it softly, letting my teeth nibble gently at his earlobe.

Will gasped, his voice suddenly hoarse. "Ana, please," I could not tell if he was begging for me to stop or continue, but I kept at it. "I won't ruin you." He murmured, and I redoubled my efforts. He said he ruined everything not two days ago, and I was desperate. Why not ruin me? I had no doubt my reputation would be in tatters by the time we got to New York. What did it matter now? I let my fingers resume playing with the buttons on his shirt, freeing his collar and the two buttons under it. It looked rather funny to see the two wings of his collar spread out, held on only by the stud at the back. I switched my attention to the bottom of his neck, dropping my lips to the hollow of his throat. He had a bit of chest hair that rose that high, and it tickled my chin as I pressed kisses to him. His hands grasped my shoulders, pushing against me. "Ana, I mean it."

I broke off, my own breathing ragged. "Will, is it not right? Am I doing something wrong?"

He sat up, pulling me close. "No, it is. But I won't have you continue on in this way. You don't know what it brings."

I kissed him then, letting my tongue play across his lips. A warmth flared in my belly, and I heard him groan as he wrapped his arms around me, and I pulled away briefly. "I love you Will, I don't care." I wanted more from him, to feel his hands on my bare back. Being a loose woman never seemed so tempting as it did in that moment. I felt his fingers play along the neckline of my nightgown, but they didn't stray lower than that. I gave a groan, reaching for his hands to guide them lower.

He pulled away, "I do, I won't have people talking about you."

"They already are Will," I pressed myself against him, the feeling of my breasts against the firmness of his chest was maddening, my body suddenly feeling so warm that I wanted to shed my nightgown. I buried my head against his shoulder, "I've already been called a whore today, why not-"

"A whore?!" Will pulled harshly away, moving so that he sat away from me. I scrambled back, the sudden movement a shock. I suddenly felt exposed, the delicate lace and cotton of my nightgown hardly a bit of protection. I crossed my arms over my breasts, pulling my hair forward to cover them. His voice was loud, and almost frightening in its intensity. "You were called a whore?"

I looked down. "For sleeping next to you." I watched him as he stood, running his hands through his hair. He paced across the room, shoes loud against the floor, and I stayed on the bed, hopelessly watching him. "I don't care about it Will, I love you."

He stopped, throwing his hands across the back of the chair as he leaned over the table. I couldn't help but admire the way his waistcoat pulled tight against his waist, but I could practically feel the anger radiating off of him. "You keep saying that, Ana."

A chill ran through me, my heart stopping for a moment. "Will, do you not-"

"Of course I do," He turned, striding toward me and grabbing my hands. "Ana, I only asked to court you because I loved you already. Don't ever think that I don't love you." He crouched down, looking into my eyes. "But you're from of a different world, your reputation matters. And I will not be your ruin."

That word again, ruin. I wrapped my fingers through his. "Will, you could never be my ruin." I pulled him over, and he collapsed back onto the bed, his head in his hands. I kissed him again, but he didn't seem to respond. "And after all of this-"

"Your reputation will matter more than ever." He spoke firmly. "And mine will be dirt." Will stood up again and moved to the porthole, looking out. I followed him, draping my arms around his shoulders and leaning against his back. His voice was cold. "I'll be sacked from White Star, I have no doubt about that."

"I don't care." I pressed my head against his shoulder. "I have money."

"There'll be lawsuits."

"Then I'll hire lawyers."

"All your friends will cast you aside."

"Then they weren't really my friends." I felt him shake his head.

"Ana, your husband should be the one providing. That's how it is." His voice, his whole demeanor drooped. "And I won't be able to, not in the manner I should."

I came around his side then, slipping under his arm to stand in front of him. "Do you have any idea how many families I know have sent their wealthy daughters to marry some penniless lord, just for a title? Don't try and tell me that."

Will looked down at me, his eyes bright blue and the light dancing across them. His voice was low though, and the hand that found my shoulder weak. "I am no lord, Ana."

I let my hand find his cheek, "I don't care Will. I just want you by my side." The light was fading fast, what little there was. The fog obscured any light that might make its way through the porthole, and I pressed my head to his chest. We simply stood, his arms around me while he looked out into the dark. It was late enough the only light was from the electric lamp. Will let his hands drift to my waist, bending to press his head to my shoulder.

"Ana, you know I cannot repay you for all this. I am not made for the world you're from, I don't know anything about opera or art, and you can't just use your money to try and pay my way through."

"I don't expect payment Will. And I hate the opera." I chuckled, but I felt myself grow serious. I drew his head up, kissing him, his hands pulling me closer, but I drew away. "But what you said the other night, when you woke-"

"I was foolish, I shouldn't have said anything, it was nothing. I'm sorry for scaring you like that, it was the last thing either of us needed." Will's voice trembled a little and he spoke quickly. He wouldn't look me in the eye though, his eyes gaining that distant look they had had before. His arms had relaxed, his whole body seeming to go slack for a moment.

"You were serious." I stepped back, "And I won't let you think that way again."

"I swear, it was just in the moment. Those thoughts are gone, I promise." He shook his head, as if he could dislodge by the motion.

"Will," I pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, "It was not just some passing fancy. Those thoughts, you scared me." I felt him freeze underneath me, his hands digging into my sides. "I won't let you think that there's no way out. Whatever happens, I will help you find a way through." I moved to his neck, finding the stud at the back of his collar to pull it off and throw it aside. The starched fabric practically clattered to the floor, the stud jingling along with it. I kissed at his throat, "We will find a way through it."

I listened to his breath hitch as I nipped at the side of his neck, then moved over to kiss at the spot. I felt his lips find the side of my face, and I quickly moved so that we shared a brief kiss before I moved to the other side to repeat my nip. Will gently pulled at my hair though, no pain just a delicious pressure that made me want to have him run his fingers through my hair, and I lifted my head from his neck. "Ana, that's enough." He pulled away then, grabbing the collar from the floor and placing it on the table. I tried to steady my breathing, and I touched my lips. The cracked skin was raw and swollen, almost painful. I hadn't noticed when I was kissing him.

I watched Will pull the blanket down the bed, his hand patting the mattress. "You sleep here tonight, I'll take the chair." He pulled the coats and my dress from the chair, laying them across the table. I sat on the bed, swinging my legs up onto the thin mattress. My night gown rode up though, revealing my calves in their borrow stockings. I would have tugged it back down, but I saw Will staring. His eyes, dark earlier during our kisses, were almost black.

Instead I pulled the night gown up a little, showing my knees. "Are you sure you won't join me in the bed?" I twitched it a little higher, a slight sliver of skin showing beyond the top of my stockings.

Will's hands tightened against the arms of the chair. "You're a bloody temptress, you know that?" His voice was more lively than it had been though, and I thought I saw his fingers twitch as I drew my hand up my calves.

I gave him a wide smile. "I'm a very poor temptress then, if you won't join me." I drew the blanket back over me, watching as Will settled himself in the chair, pulling his coat over him as a blanket. The light was turned off, and we were in the dark. His breathing was steady, the ship still had a slight roll, and I let it lull me to sleep. I did not have nightmares that night, I had much more pleasant dreams.

Chapter Text

As the Carpathia reached New York harbor the heavens themselves opened up. Thunder crashed, lightning streaked across the sky and we reduced steam even further as we slowly made our way into the harbor. Umbrellas were passed out by stewards, and many of us made our way out onto the deck to watch the city come into view. Will and the other officers had been asked to go to the bridge for our arrival, while us passengers were free to wait wherever we wanted. Mother decided to stay in the lounge while I chose to wait on deck. I was perfectly dry with the umbrella and found a place at a railing to watch. I could see the harbor pilot's boat coming towards us, practically leading a regatta.

A line of flashes from the water blinded me, and it seemed a hundred voices shouted out at once. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but they were crying out questions. I blinked the flash from my eyes, finally recognizing what the other boats were. They were hired boats, filled with reporters and photographers who all wanted to be the first to get a story from survivors. More flashes lit across the dark water, and the pilot's boat could barely make its way to the side of the Carpathia for all the others trying to get closer.

But it seemed all was well though, at least in terms of getting the pilot on board, and we started moving away from the other boats that crowded us. The rain pattered off my umbrella, and I watched the harbor slowly come into sight. It was familiar to me, piers and docks jutting out like wooden fingers and warehouses rising behind the ships that were docked. I knew some of them were ours, and it made me smile to see them again. The clear white paint reading 'Dalian Shipping' against a royal blue background, a short row of warehouses and docks that constituted our New York offices. I could see lights from the windows, ships tied up and their crews huddling on the railing, smoking and watching us steam by. I still felt a shiver of fear though, running down my spine like an icy finger. What was frightening was the amount of people crowding the docks, standing anywhere they could, stretching across hundreds of feet. Thousands, crushing together and many concentrated around the Cunard pier that we slowly moved past.

The ship slowed as we reached a dock, the offices by it proudly bearing the White Star flag. I heard orders and voices raised at the bow, and when I looked forward I saw them wrangling the lifeboats from the Titanic into the forward davits and them being lowered and rowed to the dock. A few boats had come from the dock and were helping move them over. That pier, which should have held a massive liner celebrating her first voyage, quickly became crowded with the empty, white lifeboats. I turned away from the ghostly image, the empty benches still haunting. Slowly we reversed, turning and returning to the Cunard pier.

I could see police holding back the crowd as the ship was docked, the lines were tied off and the gangplanks brought out. They were set up, and slowly I could see people begin to disembark. The crowd pushed the police line back, crying out before they fell silent again. The people coming off were not survivors, but Carpathia passengers. They slowly made their way through the crowd, and survivors began to follow them. It was slow going, the crowd almost unwilling to let anyone through in their desire to find relatives. It had been decided that the survivors should disembark in class order, third first and moving up. Those of us in first class were left to wait, or slowly join the line moving down the staircases.

I tried to ignore the weeping families that hurled themselves at survivors, to not hear them asking about loved ones and relatives. I collapsed my umbrella, heading back inside. The lounge was still warm and dry, and I saw Mother standing among some of the other women, including Mrs. Astor. It was decidedly less crowded though, a great number of people wanting nothing more than to feel solid ground under their feet. I caught Mother's eye and gave her a nod. She nodded back, and that was that. She'd find her way to the auto from the Fifth Avenue house. I'd collect the officers and make my way to our carriages. Slowly the lounge emptied out, and I made my way down to the gangways, but held back.

I watched as crew members began to leave, many of them wearing nothing but thin White Star shirts and trousers, all that they had left. I briefly wondered where they would go, and made my way to a window to watch them. What I assumed to be White Star company men were herding them out of the crowd, and I could see several large motor buses that they were being directed to. It seemed as if the company would provide for them then. I had to wait for quite awhile before I saw the officers come down, looking far more tired than they had this morning. All of them, from Lightoller down to Moody, who actually looked almost gray he was so pale, seemed exhausted and almost nervous. Especially Will, his face long and his stance rather hunched.

I walked up, taking his hand. "Come on, let's get going." He nodded, and we joined the end of the line of people disembarking. His grip was strong at least, and we made our way down to the pier, looking out. I stared at the line of press waiting for us, umbrellas thrown back as they sought a better look. Camera flashes cut through the night, brief flickers of light showing the faces behind them before they faded back into the dark. I turned to Will, "Let me take the lead, I can deal with them. Our carriages will be just across the way."

"There's an awful lot of them." He replied, staring down.

"They're vultures, vultures that I've handled before." I looked back to the other officers gathered around. "Do not say anything, do not stop. Get in the carriages. We will deal with everything once we get to the dock house." When it was clear we had space to move, I tipped my head down and pushed forward to pass the press crowding us, shouting a thousand questions.

"Who was at the wheel?"

"How many dead?"

"We're hearing rumors that passengers were shot, any truth to that?"

"Who gave the order to save women and children?"

It took time, and Will was practically crushed to my side as reporters pressed all around us. Money was thrust at him, with offers of interviews and requests for pictures, but he batted it away. The others behind us received similar offers, and they had to almost shove some of the reporters away in order for us to move. I was rather soaked by the time we reached the carriages and was immediately enveloped in a pair of arms. "Anastasia, oh thank God." I could barely hear Ezekiel as he crushed me to him. "I had heard you were alright but we were so worried." I stepped back, seeing Ezekiel's green eyes and flaming red hair that he could never quite tame, his rumpled shirt and coat. I was taking a breath to say something when he grabbed me again.

A large tanned hand settled on Ezekiel's shoulder, pulling him back. "Let her breathe son, she's had a rough go of it lately." Captain Abraham, gray bearded, with his sunburned and weather beaten face, looked across at me as his son stepped away. "I am so sorry my dear, we put on all steam to get here before you, I wanted to be sure you had something close to family waiting."

I sniffed, wiping at my face, ineffective against the rain. "Thank you, Abe. And you, Ezekiel."

"Your mother?" Abe had grabbed an umbrella and held it over me.

"She went to the Fifth Avenue house, I told her I would handle everything and she could hide away." I looked away from a crying family that had begun to walk past. "She is very unwell, grieving over what happened."

"I'll tell Morgan to head over, she'll need someone with her." He pulled me in for a hug, his voice dropping. "Your father?" I merely shook my head into his shoulder, unwilling and unable to say more. I heard him grumble. "Damn it Gareth, damn it all."

He released me and I moved back, feeling Will come up close behind me. I looked at him, "Will, this is Captain Abraham Fields and his son Ezekiel. Abraham is practically an uncle and Ezekiel is the closest thing I have to a brother." I turned back, "Abe, these are the officers from the Titanic and they are my friends. They will be staying with me in the dock house until they can leave."

I could see his brow furl. "Are you certain? I'm sure there's a hotel we can find for them."

"I'm sure Abe."

"I'll send Ezekiel over in the morning, and if you need anything you only have to send for me. The Star isn't set to head out for awhile, and I can push it back for a few weeks farther if need be." Abe said, moving back to gesture towards the coaches that were waiting for us. I couldn't help but smile at Abe, he was one of our most senior captains and was perfectly willing to abuse our family friendship to change his schedule to suit his needs. Within reason, of course. The carriages waiting for us were familiar, large and enclosed with four black horses each.

I nodded to the coachmen, too tired to see who they were. Will, Lightoller and Moody followed me into one carriage, the others entering the second. I settled onto the leather seat, Will by my side and the others across from us. It wasn't quite warm inside, but it was at least dry. The horses set off at a fast clip, and I felt Will sneak his hand around mine. I gave him a wan smile as I watched the city roll by. I could see newsboys on each and every corner, hawking papers and broadsides about the ship. I didn't look out after that.

Soon enough the dock house reared up before us. Considered modest, even pitiful, by most of our set, it was Father's favorite, a seven story brick house fitted with electricity, hot water, and huge windows overlooking the bay and the ocean beyond. It had little in terms of the grand entrances preferred by most of our set, only a set of wrought iron gates that opened on a stone drive that curved around the small yard. Once the carriages had stopped, I led our little group inside and was immediately assaulted by Peggy, our head housekeeper.

"Oh Miss Anastasia, it's so awful. Are these the men you said to expect? We've got beds turned down, and some of the girls will get their measurements and buy them clothing tomorrow. I sent them to go get some of the donated clothing for tomorrow though, since they've got nothing. We've already been receiving flowers, oh and this gentleman is here." She spoke in a rush after she had crushed me to her chest. The smell of lemon clung to her, sharp and clean. Her dark brown hair was pulled back and her green eyes were shining with tears as she stepped away. Her fine black dress was wrinkled, and I could see ash clinging to her skirts. She's been helping the maids then, as usual.

I looked away from her, taking in the foyer and the parlor just beyond. Absolutely massive flower arrangements were placed all around, vases and crystal bowl overflowing. I could see cards with each one, bright spots against the dark wood, condolences sent from friends, clients, from families that we hadn't seen in years. There were probably some even from various relatives back in the Midwest who I'd never even met.

I looked up as a well dressed man stepped forward, shaking ash from a cigar he had been smoking in the parlor, a packet held in his hands. "My condolences on your loss Miss, I actually have business with them." He said, holding out the packet to Will. "You all have been subpoenaed for the inquiry into the sinking, tomorrow at the Waldorf-Astoria, ten o'clock. You are not to leave the United States until you have been released." With hardly a nod of goodbye he picked up his hat from one of the maids and left the house. Will looked blankly at the packet in his hand, then slowly passed the letters out to the other officers. There was little discussion, and everyone just seemed to be exhausted. I could see a little of what was written, very official and legal documents for each of them.

I felt a bit of anger rise up. We had not even been on land for three hours and already this was happening. Not even a day of peace before a new problem arose. I wanted to say something, some kind of encouragement, but they all looked so tired. I was too, too tired to even think of what to say. I turned to Peggy instead, "Has some food been sent up to the guest rooms?"

"Yes, Miss. And the girls are ready to take them up." Peggy bustled forward, the house maids behind her. The maids were quite efficient, hustling not only the officers and myself upstairs, but somehow managing to take coats and caps from them at the same time. On the fourth floor they stopped, leading the officers off, but one maid appeared puzzled when Will did not start to follow.

I nodded to Will, "Let's head up."

"Miss, is he not staying down here?" The maid asked, and I knew why she was confused, the fourth floor had been given over entirely to guest rooms, family quarters were the next floor up. Father's office, a reception room, and our small library were on the sixth. I simply shook my head at the maid, starting up the stairs again. I heard Will's steps, slower and somewhat heavy behind me.

"Miss, I have a room ready for him down here." Peggy called out, coming back to the staircase.

"We will not need that one Peggy, Mr. Murdoch will be staying in the room across from mine." There was an unoccupied room on the floor, saved for a brother that had never come. It had been turned into a guest room when I was thirteen, in case any family came to visit. That way they wouldn't be offended by being outside of the family rooms.

"I haven't had it turned down Miss, let me send the girl up to start a fire and prepare the room." She bustled up the stairs past me, calling out for a maid to come back. I stared after her, then began my trudging again.

Will followed me, and I quickly pulled him though the well lit hallways, nautical themed paintings shining gaily against the dark wooden walls and the bright electric lights, and into my sitting room. He sat down hard on a chaise, looking around. I could smell something delicious, hiding under a cloche on a coffee table. The fireplace had been lit, and the mantel clock freshly wound. It chimed out nine o'clock before Will spoke. "This the modest house?"

"Yes, there's not even gilding on the walls." I said, standing so close to the fireplace I may as well have been in it. I watched him take it all in, the white furniture with light blue silk upholstery, the bright pine floorboards with Persian rugs, the windows and their silk curtains looking out on the blustery night. He could even see my room beyond the door, the four poster bed with its light blue hangings and the fluffy white blankets peeking out from beneath the patchwork quilt my grandmother had made for me.

"It's nice." Will finally said, coming over to stand by the fire. He gently took my hand. We stood there for awhile, listening to the maid across the hall. She was humming softly to herself, but quieted when she came to the door. She timidly poked her head in to say she was finished, and would Mr. Murdoch please come over to get his measurements taken? He went across the hall, and Peggy hustled in as soon as he had left. Her eyes had lost their tears, and she seemed totally focused now.

"Miss, let me get you ready." Her fingers were already flying across my coats, dress and the nightgown beneath, all of it stripped away and tossed in a corner. She held the life belt, I had carried it with me from the Carpathia, as if it would bite her. "I'll have this burned."

"No, put it in the chest there." I pointed to a battered old sea chest, inherited from my grandfather, that was severely out of place in my room, it was only because I called it my hope chest that it had escaped Peggy's industrious hands. Several times she had expressed an opinion that it was unseemly for a young lady to have such an old trunk, that surely a new gilded cedar chest would suit me better.

I had shot that down every time, for I loved the old chest. The lock no longer worked, the key having broken off in it long ago, and the leather handles on the side had long since cracked and fallen away. Peggy continually tried to disguise it, laying clothing over it or a blanket to keep it out of sight. Shaking my head, I stepped behind a Japanese screen to don a new night gown that had been left out for me. It was slightly thicker than what I had been wearing, and the silk dressing gown was quilted, the braiding along the hem quite intricate. The warmth they provided was much needed, and I cinched the velvet belt tightly around me. I had my eyes closed, yawning, when I came out and felt Peggy drawing me over to the dressing table to brush out my hair. I almost fell asleep as she slowly worked her way through it.

"Miss, what is going to happen? What will we do?" She spoke quietly as she brushed. Peggy had been pulling double duty as my lady's maid for awhile now, but I knew it weighed on her to have the additional duties. And to have this amount guests, the work must have tripled. "The servants are talking, it's all I can do to keep them from running off to some reporter. And now with all these men here. And what about the maids you engaged in France?"

I reached up and stilled her hand. "Peggy, we will deal with that tomorrow. The French maids want to go back, I told them to come see you about having their passage arranged on our accounts."

I could see her start to make some reply when a knock sounded at my sitting room door and Will slowly opened it. The silk pajamas he wore were too large, as was the smoking jacket he had belted around him. I should have felt something, seeing him swimming in Father's clothes, amusement, sadness, but nothing came. Just the same tiredness and exhaustion since the sinking. I looked to Peggy, "Thank you Peggy, please have the staff wake us in time to make the hearing tomorrow."

"But Miss, he should return to his room, it's not-"

"Thank you Peggy." I cut her off. She fumed for a minute, but bobbed a curtsy and left, slamming the door quite loudly on her way out. She'd find some way to punish me for this, more than likely a cold breakfast. Peggy could be quite firm on some matters, and found ways to inconvenience me until I acquiesced.

Will walked forward, a pair of oversize slippers flapping against the floor. "You never meant for me to sleep in that room."

"Will, I don't think I can sleep without you by my side." I said, walking up to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek. I sat down in a tufted velvet chair, removing the cloche and revealing a warm tureen of chicken soup on a tray. "But first, I'm starving." China bowls and spoons that had been provided were quickly put to use, and between the two of us we had the tureen clean in record time. I had missed our cook, she always managed to create something warm, well spiced, and filling. When we hosted parties we brought in an outside cook to oversee everything, but Mother had kept her basic Midwestern tastes. Food here might not be the fanciest or the most elegant, but there would always be plenty and no one went to bed hungry. I stood up, for if I stayed sitting I would fall asleep in that chair, in front of the fire. It didn't sound half bad to be honest.

Will picked up the tray and placed it outside, before closing the door. He flicked the lights off, leaving only the glow of the fire. My eyes were heavy, and I turned to Will. He opened his arms, and I practically collapsed into them. I kissed him, then waved weakly at the door. "Bed's in there."

We moved slowly, the tiredness almost seeping from our bones. My bedroom was a welcome haven, and I pointed out the bathroom and dressing room to Will, and I moved to the sea trunk. Peggy had merely set the life belt on top of it, I set it aside and opened it. I could see various sewing projects from over the years, embroidered chemises and petticoats, tablecloths and household linen, all waiting until I married. I heard Will settle onto the bed as I made my over to the coats, drawing my mementos from it. I wrapped them in a napkin, tucking them into the chest. Before I put the life belt in though, I grabbed a pen. It was difficult to write across the canvas, and I had to retrace my letters a few times before it was finally legible.

Titanic, April 15, 1912.

I placed it on top of everything, then shut the lid and latched it. I would examine everything more closely when, if, I could ever deal with what had happened. I turned to look at Will. He had discarded the smoking jacket, and had puled the blankets up high over him as he lay on his side. I turned out the light, easily finding my way to the other side of the bed. Sliding underneath the covers, I turned to him, drawing his arm around me. He opened an eye, "Ana, tomorrow-"

I placed a finger on his lips, "I'll be there."

"I don't even know what it will be like." He spoke quietly, "I don't want you to hear what happened."

"You told me, we struck ice." I stretched out, relishing the feel of my own bed.

"But you'll hear everything, about how I failed to spot it. Failed to turn the ship in time." He pulled away, laying flat on his back as he stared up at the bed hangings. "It was all my fault." I could feel the shame in his voice, and I watched him press his fingers to his temples, rubbing at them.

I followed him, laying my head down next to his and placing an arm across his chest., tangling my fingers in his and slowly pulling his hands from his face. "Did you put the ice in the way?"

"No." He mumbled, voice faint.

"Did you try to avoid it?"

"Yes."

"Then it sounds to me like it wasn't your fault." I kissed his cheek, "You did everything you could, we all did. But that's tomorrow Will, tonight, tonight we're here." I let my lips wander down to his ear, licking at his earlobe. He shivered slightly, but he placed an arm around me.

"Is this your plan for every time I think about the sinking?" Will's voice was more solid, and I reached up to gently draw my fingers down through his hair. He gave a soft little groan, his hand finding my waist.

I broke off for a moment, my voice a mere whisper against his ear. "It distracts you, doesn't it?" I heard him snort softly, and his hand moved up from my waist to my hair, gently stroking it. I leaned against it, enjoying the feel of his touch. I could feel my eyes growing heavy, and my head settled onto the pillow. I looked to Will, barely able to discern him in the dark. It was only the soft fire light from the sitting room that reached us, only a slight shine showing his eyes.

His voice was soft. "You can't do that every time, you know." I couldn't even speak, too tired to even think. Will dropped his hand from my hair, letting it fall to the mattress. For a moment I thought he would say something, but instead he stayed quiet. The only sounds I could hear was our breathing, the ticking of the pedestal clock, and the soft crackling of the fire. It felt good, it felt right to be here, in my home, with him. I let my eyes close, and I don't remember falling asleep, but it was deep and dreamless.

Chapter Text

The carriage rattled over the streets toward the Waldorf-Astoria, the horses nimbly finding their way through gaps between autos and delivery carts. My view was blurred slightly, the black crepe veil hanging over the brim of my hat obscuring my vision. Peggy, already angry about Will spending the night by me, had put her foot down. I was in mourning, I would wear the veil and black dresses until the official period of mourning, six months, was over. Three months in crepe, and three months in half mourning. I bargained her down to full mourning at least in public, and somber dresses at home. I was drowning in crepe already, the last thing I wanted was to have it follow me home. I flicked the veil up over the brim, freeing my eyes. I gave a smile to Moody, sitting across from me. "Were you all able to send word home on the Carpathia?"

He nodded, "Yes, and we let them know where to find us."

"I'll have them keep an eye out for telegrams at the house then." I took a breath, smoothing my hands over my black silk skirt. Not that I could feel it through the black kid gloves that I wore. It seemed all I was now was black clothing and a pale, powdered face. At least it was better than the officers, who had to make do with some donated suits that fit poorly. The maids had arranged for mourning bands for them though, and promised to have fitted clothing for them when they got back.

True to his word Abe had sent Ezekiel over, but with all the hurry about the house to get us out and the shopping done, he had been woefully out of place amid the bustle. Instead I sent him off to our offices with instructions to learn which of our ships were departing Southampton soon, and with a Marconigram from Will for the girl who cared for his house. It instructed her to entrust the picture of Ada to our captain, and there was a Marconigram from me for whichever captain was there to see that he cared for that picture as if it was a chest of jewels and it was to be given over to my hands only. Ezekiel had promised to see to everything, and had gratefully made his exit before all of us had loaded up to head out for the inquiry.

Will tugged at the collar of his shirt, too tight by far but it was the only donated one that fit him relatively well everywhere else. The officer on the whole looked rather shabby, having to make do with whatever they could fit into. Their clothing had been taken to be laundered, and the maids had assured me that they would have everything waiting for them, including new trunks for whenever they went back to England. Will shifted again, pulling at the cuffs now. "Be glad when this is done."

Charles looked over, his hand resting on the windowsill. "I think we all will be, back out on the sea where we belong." I kept quiet at that, part of me was still terrified of Will leaving. That fear had expanded to the other officers, they had been a distraction for me, a group of men with nothing. To me, it seemed the only thing to do, to take care of them as if they were family. When I worried about them, I didn't have to worry about myself or the future. I only had to focus on the fact that Charles's trousers were two inches short and James had a coat two sizes to big on, the shoulders drooping.

"You'll have to enjoy it for me then." Will's voice was bitter, the carriage slowing down as we approached the Waldorf-Astoria. A large crowd had gathered, and the horses had to pick their way through, the coach driver even threatening with his whip a couple times to clear out people from in front. I was looking out the window, then jumped slightly when a man pressed his face to the glass before the coach moved on.

"Christ Will, come off it. You did all you could." Charles said, any response cut off by the carriage stopping. A bellboy in the uniform of the Waldorf-Astoria opened the door, and Charles got out. Will stepped through, then handed me down. Even more reporters were gathered around, and some of them actually surged towards us before another bellboy intercepted them. I couldn't help the way I clung to Will, it seemed everyone was pressing in and shouting. All I wanted was to get away. Fortunately, inside the hotel everything seemed crowded but calmer, the other officers the only faces I recognized at first.

Slowly I could pick out a few, society matrons, and the ever present Mrs. Brown who had claimed an entire row of seats towards the front. An area had been set aside for those subpoenaed, I could see Ismay sitting there. He looked poorly, he was pale and even his mustache drooped. An aide, at least I assumed he as an aide, quickly herded the officers away, without even a goodbye and good luck, and I was left to fend for myself. The other women looked at me, eyes roving up and down my figure before turning away. If there was one thing for wearing mourning, it did tend to stop gossip. No one wanted to badmouth a young woman who had just lost her father and was making it fairly obvious. I approached Mrs. Brown, "Might I have one of these seats?"

She gave me a smile, "Of course darlin', and I'm so sorry about your father."

"Thank you," I muttered as I sat down next to her. "You made it out alright, then?"

"Oh yes, Mr. Brown was so worried he actually came out here." She laughed, "He's going back to Colorado soon, can't stand the city." I ducked my head in acknowledgment as some of the society matrons made their way past us, their large hats would no doubt be a cause of concern for the people behind them.

One stopped in front of me. "Miss Dalian, my condolences."

"Thank you, Mrs. Vanderbilt." I replied automatically. She was one of the lesser Vanderbilts, but it never did good to slight any of them. Their family could ruin you in an instant, a word to the papers and everything would crumble. The ladies accompanying her also gave their sympathies, that societal play to show that yes, you did read the news and you knew how to respond. As sincere as mud.

Mrs. Brown watched them move on, "You know, I'm working to get a relief society started, for those who lost everything. You think you could help out with that?"

"I suppose," I muttered, "What would it entail?" Mrs. Brown off like a shot, listing fundraisers and charities to set up. Her biggest idea was for a large ball, attended by as many survivors as she could find, to help raise money from the wealthiest families. I gave her my assurances that she could count on me for helping with those activities, as well as attending the ball. I would have to fight Peggy on that, depending on the time. I wasn't supposed to attend society events for at least six months, balls especially. I could probably convince Peggy though, it was for a good cause and it was not as if I would be the only one there in mourning. I listened as Mrs. Brown continued, letting myself sit in silence and listen to her, distracting myself from whatever was coming.

At least until a man shoved his way across the lady to sit next to me. He had a blank notebook in one hand, a pencil in his other. I watched as he hastily shoved his hat off his head, revealing close cropped dark blonde hair. His face, with a snub nose, was covered in stubble and his brown eyes were rather bloodshot. "Hello Miss Dalian, sorry about your father and all that. I was hoping I might get an interview while we watch." He flipped the pencil down to the book and stuck out his hand. "Frank Reading, with the Journal."

I pulled my veil back down, the classic signal to show that I was not willing to talk. Let alone to a reporter from that Hearst rag. They had the amazing talent to twist everything that was said and turn it to their own ends. The last thing I wanted right now was to give an interview. Peggy had been diligently gathering the newspapers that mentioned anything about the Titanic and saving them, I had asked her to keep them from me for now. Someday soon I might be able to read them, but everything was still so fresh. I hadn't even contacted the Reverend about the funeral yet, or the lawyers about the will. The weekend should provide some opportunity, to at least get my thoughts in order and plan out what was coming. I tried to concentrate on Will, finding him across the room. He and Charles were talking to each other quietly, and he seemed to be in good spirits. For now, at least.

"You know Miss, our readers would love to hear your story. Bringing women and children to safety, rowing back for survivors, you're practically a hero Miss, if you don't mind me saying." He leaned closer, "I've spoken to a couple of sailors who were on the boat with you already, they said you're close with the officers. Anything you can give me about them before this thing starts?" I was just about ready to leave my seat, standing for this whole thing would have been better than sitting next to him, when an older man in a suit stood and called the room to order. He introduced himself as Senator William Smith, of Michigan, and he was the head of the Senate Committee investigating the sinking. Trapped with my unwanted neighbor, I settled in to watch.

Ismay was called up first, and as he sat to give his testimony, it was obvious that he had been deeply affected. He could not remember the days exactly, and often had to pause to remember something, his voice quavering and weak. Senator Smith pressed him about how much he knew, regardless of his state; what was the speed of the ship, what about the proximity to icebergs, how exactly did he managed to get off the ship, describe the final moments of the sinking. Ismay could remember very little, he knew the approximate speed of the ship but he knew nothing about the icebergs and he had only boarded a lifeboat when there were no women and children around. He couldn't say anything about the sinking at all. It was in this last part that he tried Ismay further after his initial statement, "Mr. Ismay, what can you say about the sinking and disappearance of the ship? Can you describe the manner in which she went down?"

"I did not see her go down." Ismay said, and even when Smith tried again, he remained firm. Ismay did not watch her sink, and he was not alone. Many of those in the boats had turned away, unwilling to witness the final plunge. I was glad that even though I had watched, it had been hard to see. Even I could not remember if she had broken up or gone down whole. Ismay was questioned slightly longer, and he assured Senator Smith that every resource White Star had would be put at his disposal. He was dismissed, and gratefully exited the hearing. I couldn't help but pity the man, I hadn't met him on the ship but from what I had been given to understand he had been a proud man. And now, the ship sunk and he had to deal with the shame of being one of the few men who had gotten into the lifeboats. The officers at least had been performing their duty when getting into the boats, and I hopes I could count on some leniency in the papers for Will. He hadn't gotten into a boat, he'd hauled himself out of the water. That had to count for something.

Captain Rostron, of the Carpathia, was called next. I hadn't had the occasion to meet the man when I had been onboard, he had a rather fierce looking face but I could see smile lines around his eyes. Listening to him give his testimony was the first time I had heard how we had been found. It was all thanks to his wireless operator, who had received the distress call from the Titanic, just before he had been about to go to bed, and had been insistent that the message was of the upmost importance. Captain Rostron had then ordered his ship turned around and a course set. He had even shut off all steam to the passenger areas in order to push his engines faster. He described steaming through a great field of ice, having to slow down in order to avoid his own ship suffering our fate. Captain Rostron did not use flowery terms to describe finding the boats, everything was simple. The boats had been found, and he gave orders on what was to be done. He told about how he had brought our boats onboard, how he had set his doctors and crew to caring for us. I thought back to everyone on that ship, putting aside their own needs for us.

"We should do something for him." I whispered to Mrs. Brown. "And for his crew."

She nodded, "I had the same thought, I was thinking a nice cup, engraved and everything." I murmured my agreement, noting how Mr. Reading had immediately began scribbling. Mrs. Brown leaned over me, drawing his attention. "Sonny, if you're gonna write down everything we say, you may as well write about the relief society I'm setting up."

I stood, "You know, why don't you sit next to him? That way it will be much easier to discuss things." Mrs. Brown happily shifted over, and I was finally free of the constant eavesdropping I had put up with. At least slightly free, I could still feel Reading's eyes on me even as he was listening to Mrs. Brown. I found myself clenching and unclenching my hands in their gloves, having to literally bite my tongue when Reading began speaking about all the Reichsters had done to help people during the sinking and assist the survivors at home. Poor Mrs. Brown actually believed this, and said she would make it a point to call on Samantha and recruit her for our cause.

I felt rather incensed when Senator Smith questioned if Titanic had been on the northern route from Ireland, as if her crew had incompetently plotted her course. Captain Rostron assured the Senator that the route we had been on was the southernmost route used by liners, specifically to avoid ice. Senator Smith seemed to be an absolute fool to me, constantly questioning about minute details that none of us could remember. How many men were in the third boat you brought up? Did you knowingly disregard a message from the President about the survival of Major Butt? What did any of that matter? According to his opening statement this inquiry was to determine what had happened and why it had turned into a disaster, not to give a second by second report of the events.

When asked if he knew anything specific about what had sunk Titanic, Captain Rostron practically laughed it off. I could tell he was a kind man, he had refused to pester the officers for details while they had been onboard and made it clear he considered the rumors that the passengers had been bantering about absolutely worthless. I wondered what was being said in the papers, perhaps it would be good to start reading them tonight. Even if everything was still so fresh.

Captain Rostron acquitted himself admirably though, and I found myself wishing for the questioning over so he could get away from this place. It was fairly obvious that this was quickly turning into a sideshow, some performance that would eventually lead to blame being cast somewhere. I could only hope that Will did not become the scapegoat, he did not deserve the blame. I wasn't sure if there even was anyone to blame. I was fairly falling asleep when Senator Smith loudly called for a recess until three. I quickly got up, pushing past Mrs. Brown in order to escape the reporter dogging my steps. I made straight for Will, who looked rather bored of all things.

"Lunch?" I asked him, reaching out to adjust the band on his arm.

He nodded, "I'm starving." The other officers, moving a little stiffly, joined us as we headed to the restaurant. The Waldorf-Astoria restaurant was done up in a delightful confection of russet and gold, and the menu was equally refined. Not that mattered to the officers, who quickly ordered something simple and filling. I was quite glad to find a salad that sounded good. A basket of bread had been brought out and I was happily buttering a slice when I heard Frank Reading make a reappearance.

"Ah, Miss Dalian, gentlemen. Care to comment on the inquiry so far?" He had come up behind me, clapping his hand on the back of my chair. "What do you think about Ismay getting on one of the boats? Rather cowardly, isn't it?"

I set the butter knife down, dearly wishing it was something sharper. "Don't say anything."

"Miss Dalian, I only want to get their impression of the inquiry so far." Mr. Reading actually sounded offended, "It's my duty to our readers to report what is happening. Surely you want the public to be aware of the heroics that I'm sure these men engaged in." He looked across to Charles, who had stopped eating and was gritting his teeth. "We'd be willing to pay you quite handsomely for your story Mr. Lightoller, riding a capsized boat through the night." He then turned to Will, who's face had grown redder and redder as the reporter had been speaking. "In fact, Mr. Murdoch I have been authorized to offer you a thousand dollars just to agree to an interview, with more payment to come. Everyone wants to know exactly what happened when the ship struck."

I couldn't help slamming my hands on the table. "Can't you leave us in peace?"

"Miss Dalian, I know you are under a lot of strain at the moment, but you really should behave." His voice had gained a wheedling tone, almost lecturing. "This is business between myself and the officers."

"No." Will spoke firmly. "I will not give an interview. If you want to learn what happened, listen to the inquiry." He returned to his food, blatantly ignoring the reporter's repeated offers, Charles and the others following suit. I tried to focus on my salad, but I couldn't help but notice how Reading seemed to hang on around us, taking a table nearby and ordering an expensive lunch, loudly talking about billing it to the Journal. I found myself actually growing nervous as I looked at the clock, ticking ever closer to three. Would Will get called to the stand? What would they ask him? I desperately wanted to question him, to see what he thought, but I knew as soon as he said anything it would be in the papers thanks to that reporter.

So I simply smiled at Will, and gave his hand a squeeze when we got up to head back in. I had no doubt he was already worried enough, the last thing I needed to do was add onto it.

Chapter Text

AN: Originally I had a Christmas chapter here since I wrote it around Christmas, I have moved it to where it takes places chronologically in the fic.

Chapter Text

The afternoon session began with Mr. Marconi himself taking the stand. Smith was relentless in his search for minor details, asking about the exact equipment that was supplied and how it was used. Marconi was patient though, probably from having to explain the workings of his machine many times, and kept calm throughout. I will admit that I did not know the exact technical aspects of the apparatus and it was almost as if I was attending a lecture on wireless machinery and its use. It took time though, and most of the audience was shifting in their seats when he was dismissed.

"We now call William Murdoch, First Officer of the Titanic, to the stand." Senator Smith said, dismissing Mr. Marconi with a nod. I anxiously watched as Will stood, adjusting his suit jacket as he moved forward and sat in the chair before the Senator and his aides. All I could see of him was his back, but his posture seemed strong as he waited. Senator Smith began with the usual questions; what his full name was, where he lived, how old he was and what his business was and how long he had been in that business. I stayed quiet, listening to Will's answers; William McMaster Murdoch, currently living in Portswood Southampton, thirty nine years old and he had been a seaman for twenty-two years. Twelve of those had been spent as an officer on White Star ships, rising from third officer to first.

The next round of questions focused on the trials Titanic had undergone in Belfast. It was rather boring to hear Smith constantly ask for the smallest detail, which Will tried to recall but some escaped him. I could not blame him for not remembering them, so much had happened since then. Smith looked up from his papers, "You were first officer during these tests, correct?"

"Actually, I was chief officer during the tests." Will sounded tired, and I looked to the clock on the wall. It was growing late, we'd been here for so long that my legs were falling asleep. I shifted in my chair, feeling the tingling of them coming back to life.

"I thought you were the first officer." Smith was still scratching away at his papers.

"I was to be chief during the voyage, but Captain Smith thought to bring over Henry Wilde from the Olympic to help on our trip while the Olympic was laid up in repairs. That bumped me down to first, Mr. Lightoller to second, and Mr. Blair, our original second, off all together." That seemed to send a bit of a stir through the others taking notes at the table, but Senator Smith quickly got back to his minutia. Will did his best, informing him that the life saving equipment was complete when the tests were done and the ship set out for Southampton.

In Southampton an officer of the British Board of Trade had come aboard to carry out tests. Will wearily explained everything that was done, having to stop and define several terms. It was fairly obvious Senator Smith had very little knowledge of maritime matters and terms. He even had to be told that once tied on a life belt would not float away from the person wearing it. Smith looked closely at a drawing of a life belt that had been provided, "Have you ever worn one of these in the water?"

"Yes." Will's answers had gotten shorter as the questioning went on, his voice still firm though.

"When?"

"During the sinking."

"You left the ship with a life belt on?"

"I did not leave the ship, it fell out from under me."

I could see Smith wince, "How long were you in the water with this on?"

"I cannot say for certain, perhaps an hour, maybe less." I felt a shiver run through me, thinking of the way the cold water had chilled me just from a small wave. No wonder Will had looked practically dead when we had picked him up. An hour in that water, it was a miracle he made it.

"Where did you leave the boat from?"

"Just abaft the bridge."

"What were you doing there?"

"We had gotten the collapsible boat down, upside down on the deck and were readying her to go into the falls when the ship lurched out from under us, took a dive. We were thrown in the water, and the boat floated off." Will's sounded tired, but I found myself riveted. He had told me so little about what had happened after he got me off, learning the full story was enthralling.

"Was there any suction from the ship?"

"No sir, I was pulled down several times by the fiddley grates, the intake grates alongside the funnels," Will cut through Smith's brief motion of interruption, "but I could feel no suction from the ship." He kept his voice even, but I felt my breathing speed up slightly. My mind quickly summoned a visual, him struggling in his greatcoat, the heavy wool weighing him down, to try and get away from the grate and gain the surface, the icy water pulling at him and trying to drown him. I quickly shook it away, praying it wouldn't come back in some nightmare.

"Continue."

"I broke the surface, and saw the boat. I swam for her, got on top and managed to pull several men from the water, including Officer Moody. Together we were able to help some of the swimmers on board before we were washed away from the ship." He had muddled the truth a bit there, but the last thing I wanted for him to reveal was his desire to die. I didn't want him to think of that ever again. In essence, everything he said was true, it was merely his own thoughts that he concealed.

"Did you make an attempt to right the boat?"

"No sir, any attempt to right it would have flooded it."

"What washed you away?"

"The forward funnel fell, the wave dashed us clear away from the ship."

"Did you hear anything?"

I twisted my hands around themselves. I couldn't forget those sounds, no one who had heard it would be able to. Will nodded. "Yes sir, people were crying out."

"Did you make an attempt to go back?"

"We had no oars sir and what little wood we could find to paddle with proved ineffective. If someone came near us we would pull them up so long as we had room."

"How many were on the boat once you stopped pulling people onboard?"

"Not more than thirty sir."

"Did they all survive?"

"Some died of the cold while we were waiting. We slid them off, the boat was sinking lower as each man came on." Will's voice had lost any emotion, growing cold and almost distant as this interrogation continued.

"Were any on your boat passengers?"

"I could not tell in the dark, sir. In the light it appeared to mostly be crew."

"Did you see the ship sink?"

"Yes."

"And how did she sink?"

"By her bow sir, her stern rising as her bow went down."

"Did she break up in any way?"

"It was hard to tell sir, in the dark. We had been washed far away from the ship. We could hear her though, great rushes of air as it was forced out by the water and the sound of her boilers falling through the hull. Once the boilers went whatever light was left on her went out, we could only make her out by where the stars weren't."

"And next?"

"After some time we spotted the other collapsible with Officer Lightoller on board. It took us some time to get closer and by then a swell had began. We organized the men to sway against it so we would not lose the boats. After some more time-"

"How long from when you entered the water to that point?" Smith used this moment to pause the questioning, allowing his secretary to scribble faster until he nodded to the Senator that he had caught up.

"I am unsure sir, perhaps an hour or two. Maybe longer."

"Continue."

"After some time we began to cry out for a boat to come and find us. Eventually a boat came towards us and were able to move most of the men onto it." It seemed so basic when he told it, and I suppose it actually was. It was only in the moment that it seemed so monumental an event.

"Who was in the boat?"

"Officer Lowe, he had discharged most of his passengers into other boats and headed back with volunteers. He was working the sail and the oars to get close to us. Once he had pulled close we starting sending the men over until his boat was full."

"Who was left on the collapsibles?"

"Myself, Officer Lightoller, Officer Moody and some able seamen."

"And then?"

"Some of the sailors said that they would come back to get us but Officer Lowe called for the boats we were on to be towed by his back to the main grouping."

"So you stayed on the overturned boat until you reached the other lifeboats?"

"Yes sir, only once we were able to distribute the passengers more evenly was I able to board the lifeboat." Will sounded exhausted, and I desperately wanted for this to end. To go home, to eat a warm meal and hold him close to me.

"Mr. Murdoch, what was the weather during that night? Before the collision?"

"Cold, very cold."

"And you did not think that ice would have affected the cold?"

"I have never known ice to send off cold, not enough to affect the general weather. Other than that the weather was very calm."

"There were no waves, correct?"

"Yes, everything was flat."

"And no moon?"

"No sir, dark as pitch."

Senator Smith waved a couple of telegrams from the table. "Were you aware of the ice warnings that had been received?"

"Yes, I ordered the lookouts to keep a sharp eye for ice because of them."

"Was the iceberg first spotted by you?"

"No sir, the lookouts saw it first, they called the bridge to report it."

"Who took the call?"

"Sixth Officer Moody."

"Did he survive?"

"Yes, he did."

"Once seeing the iceberg, what orders did you relay?"

"Moody sang out from the call he had received and I ordered the ship put hard to starboard and the engines reversed full astern to slow her. My intention was to port round it."

"What side of the ship was the iceberg on?"

"When I first saw it it was mostly ahead, perhaps a few points to starboard."

"Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but by giving the order for hard to starboard would that not put the ship even more towards the berg?" Senator Smith sounded so confident that it was all I could do to not burst out laughing. The man was an idiot.

"No sir, turning the wheel to starboard means the ship will turn to port, away from the berg."

"So you ordered the bow turned away, did you see it move away from the berg?"

"I did sir."

"But not far enough?"

I wanted to shout out that obviously it had not been enough, but Will merely nodded. "Yes."

"Did you feel her strike the ice?"

"Yes."

"And how did it feel?"

"The ship vibrated sir, I could feel it on the bridge railing."

"Once you felt her strike what did you do?"

"I ordered her hard to port."

"Which would turn the ship to the starboard side?"

"Yes."

"So you turned her toward the berg?"

"We had already struck along the forward compartments, by ordering her hard to port I was seeking to avoid amidships and the stern being holed."

"Were you successful in that?"

"Yes sir, she sunk by her bow, there was no flooding along the sides."

"How long do you estimate the time was from the ice warning to the strike?"

"Perhaps half a minute." I shivered at his words. So short a time to change the course of so large a ship. It was incredible what he had accomplished. If someone without his skill, say Senator Smith, had been in charge, more than likely the ship would have struck head on and we would have sunk quickly.

"After giving the order for hard to port what did you do?"

"I activated the watertight doors and roused the Captain."

"And you informed him of what had happened?"

"Yes."

"What did the captain do?"

"He called for Mr. Andrews and ship's carpenter to sound her."

"Sound her?" Senator Smith looked puzzled and I brought my hand up, pinching the bridge of my nose and breathing in harshly. There was no way this man could have been considered competent enough to have been given this assignment. More than likely it was just a glory seeking venture for him, to get his name in the papers. God, this was a complete farce, and would no doubt get worse.

"To determine the extent of the damage."

"And what was the extent?"

"She was holed throughout the bow compartments."

"Your orders once the decision had been made to launch the boats?"

"I directed sailors to remove the coverings from the boat, and stewards to rouse the guests and have them don their life belts."

"We have had reports Mr. Murdoch, so I will ask, did you enter the first class rooms yourself?"

I could see Will twitch, a slight turn of his head and a glance back, but he steeled himself. "Yes sir, I did."

"For what purpose?"

"To inform passengers of what we were asking them to do."

"Any specific passengers?"

"I informed those I came across, especially the stewards, and a family I had come to know on the trip."

"Why that family?"

"I trusted them to act calm and set an example for the others."

"Why would they set an example?"

"They are a shipping family sir, familiar with ships and the workings of them. They were good solid people, not prone to panic."

Senator Smith looked down his nose, studying a paper in front of him. "Would this family be the Dalians, of Dalian Shipping?"

"Yes."

"I have it here that they are housing you and the other officers during your time in New York."

"Yes, sir. They are."

"Did they make any promises to you of payment either then or in the future, or something of that nature to secure themselves a place in a lifeboat?"

I almost went to my feet, held only down by Mrs. Brown's hand on my wrist. She caught my eye, cutting her gaze over to Frank Reading scribbling in the corner. I fumed silently in my chair. How dare he say that! Bribing our way off the ship! Oh, I was furious, and I yanked the veil away from my face, glaring daggers at the Senator. He looked up from his papers, his eyes finding mine. Every curse I knew was running through my mind, all directed at Senator Smith. He looked away quickly.

I saw Will set his shoulders. "No sir, they did not."

"Was the whole family saved?"

"No sir, Gareth Dalian was lost."

"Did you place the surviving members on your lifeboats?"

"Mrs. Dalian, I did. She was tossed to the port side, but returned to find her daughter. I assured her I would find her and put her in a boat. Her daughter I placed in Mr. Lowe's boat."

"Why did you not place her with her mother?"

"She had gone back to assist in bringing more women and children forward. My boats were almost gone by the time I found her. She came forward as I was loading my last one."

"I have heard that you threatened to shoot passengers trying to storm that one."

"I did say that I would shoot them sir, to prevent a rush on the boat so that it could be gotten into the falls."

"Describe the situation."

"I was calling for women and children but the crowd that was around was mostly men and they looked primed to rush the boat. Chief Officer Wilde was helping me keep the crowd back so the boat could be prepared. I raised my weapon, telling them to remain back and I fear that I may have had to use it except for Ms. Dalian then sang out that she had more women and children. She brought them forward, and I was about to place her onboard with them when the crowd of men rushed forward and their weight sent the boat to the water. I did fire my gun during the rush, but only above their heads to try and stop them."

"And that was your last boat?"

"Almost sir."

"All your boats were gone?"

"Excepting the second collapsible, yes. I had set men to begin to cut the second loose."

"So what did you do with Miss Dalian?"

"I moved her and any other women I saw to the port side where there were a few boats left."

"Once you had placed Miss Dalian in a boat what did you do?"

"I called Moody and some other men to assist me in getting the collapsible off of the officer's quarters after it had been cut loose from the roof." It was already seven, over eight hours of questions and interrogations. I could barely feel my legs and I had only been watching. I tried to move my legs back and forth while Smith continued questioning Will about various items, mainly if he had seen Mr. Ismay get into a boat. Will denied that he had, and the questions continued. Which lifeboat was sent first, who was in it, how many sailors were assigned to each boat. The electric lights of the room were turned up, even as the spirits inside flagged.

It seemed we had covered everything that we could when Smith eventually stood, calling for a recess until eight thirty. I was angry enough by that point to grab one of the aides and demand to see Senator Smith. The aide, a skinny young man with a nervous disposition, brought me over. Senator Smith looked up from the notes he was reviewing, "Yes, Miss Dalian?"

I tucked my veil up, "Is it necessary to continue this so late? They're exhausted, they can barely remember events as it is."

"We must find out as much as we can before they forget."

"I understand, but will you at least release those not needed for the next session? It has only been a day since we got here, for God's sake." I looked over my shoulder at the officers, who had moved over to a window that had been opened. Some of them were sharing a cigarette, including Will who took a drag before blowing the smoke outside. "The officers, for instance. Release them until Monday at least."

"We'll be in Washington, Monday." Smith barely glanced up, even as I felt my eyes go wide. "But they can be released for now. We'll need at least one of them tomorrow for questioning, Lightoller preferably." I mumbled something about thanking him for his time, then hustled away. If the inquiry was going to Washington, our private train car would need to be called up, and hotel rooms booked, and packing the new clothing in trunks and getting them to the train. There was so much, and only a day to get it done if we were to be in Washington on Monday. The thought of staying behind didn't even enter my mind, I was so focused on what needed to be done that I hadn't even noticed the aide trailing after me until he relayed the information from Smith in a rather self-important manner to the officers.

I had the hotel manager send word around to the house to have the carriages come back, and it seemed to take forever before we were safely back inside and rattling back towards home. James and Charles kept the conversation going, talking about how incompetent Smith was and how this was clearly going to be a mess, but Will remained silent. I smiled and nodded along, voicing my own similar thoughts, but kept hold of Will's hand throughout. He was quiet, his head drooping. When we got back home, Peggy was immediately at my side, her voice hushed. "Mr. Keller has been waiting in the parlor for the past hour. I've had dinner for the others set out in the dining room, Miss."

I nodded, "I'll be there in a minute." I turned to Will, who was gathered around with the other officers. I gave him a kiss on the cheek, drawing a few snorts from the others. I smiled at all of them, "Dinner is in the dining room, I'll be along shortly."

The others moved off, but Will stayed by my side. "Why?"

I sighed, it seems his short words weren't just for the inquiry. "Our business manager is waiting. I promise Will, I won't be too long." I made a little shooing motion, "Go, eat something, you need it." He nodded, a little too firmly for my taste. Letting out a breath, I made for the parlor. Adam Keller was sat by the fire, his legs stretched out and his hands across his stomach. He had a long face, a massive bushy pair of muttonchops only emphasizing the fact. He wore black, from his suit jacket and mourning band to his shoes, and immediately offered his condolences when I came in.

"Thank you Mr. Keller," I said as I sat down, handing my hat off to a maid who ran it quickly back upstairs. Would the condolences never end? "If you don't mind me asking, why are you here so late?"

Keller still stood, clasping his hands behind his back. "I had figured to stop in after work had finished, but it seems you were still at the inquiry." He moved over the side of the parlor, examining the ticking standing clock. "Have you heard anything about what I am to do with the company? For now?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Keller, I have not." I blinked tiredly. Yet another task to add on. "I have not had time to speak to our lawyers, I only managed to send a message to the Reverend to set up the funeral this morning. I would assume we will learn what will be after that."

"So, I am to continue in my usual manner?"

"I think that would be best, and I will be going down to Washington on Sunday. If anything needs to come to my attention, please let me know."

"Of course, Miss. The boys down at the office wanted to send their sympathies," He gestured towards a flower arrangement that hadn't been there when I left. "I'll keep you informed."

"Thank you, Mr. Keller." I stood, moving for the door. "Would you care to join us for dinner?"

"I would not want to impose, but if you wouldn't mind."

I smiled, "Of course not, it would be a pleasure." I led him through the house, to the dining room with its chandelier, glass windows, and doors to the small garden and courtyard outside. The officers had already started in on a large roast, but quickly abandoned it, standing when I entered. I nodded to them, "Gentlemen, this is Mr. Adam Keller, the manager of Dalian Shipping in New York. Mr. Keller, the officers of the Titanic."

He nodded, taking a seat close to the head of the table where I had sat. In fact, he was right across from Will. After helping himself to the meal, he spoke up. "I hope Miss Dalian has been proving an able hostess."

I focused on cutting my meat, but Will quickly spoke up. "She has been very kind to all of us, opening her house and kitchen to us."

"The kitchen especially," Charles chuckled, "If her cook keeps this up, I may not head back to England." That led to a round of laughter, even from Will. I smiled at him as the conversation grew easier, the meal, and probably the wine, helping smooth things along. Fortunately Mr. Keller didn't seem to want to stay too long, excusing himself to head home after he had finished. The officers slowly trickled away upstairs, or to the parlor for one last smoke. Finally it was only Will and myself left, the maids quickly clearing away the plates and remains of the dinner.

I stopped one of them before she exited, "Have the new clothes been placed in their rooms?"

"Oh yes, Miss." She bobbed, "And the new trunks as well." I let her head off, and held out a hand to Will. He gently lifted me up, moving slowly. I stepped closer to him, "Let's go see what they got you today. Otherwise I'm going to have to take you out again." He just nodded, and I felt a little pain. His eyes had gained that far off look again, but his step was firm as we headed upstairs. The trunk had been left in the room across from mine, ostensibly it was Will's room even if he slept in mine. The trimming on the trunk had the rich scent of rich, supple leather, and the wood had been stained to a dark brown. I ran my fingers over the lid, a hastily added WM in bronze nailed to it.

Will reached out, pulling the latches and opening it. He breathed out, "Ana, you can't keep doing this." He pulled out a new suit jacket, a bowler hat, a black leather shaving case and a new pipe, with fresh tobacco. He let the lid down, keeping the pipe while replacing the other items. He patiently tamped the tobacco into the bowl, "It's too much."

"Nonsense, I can spend my money as I like." I went to the fireplace in the room, grabbing a matchbook from the mantle and striking one, "And I want to spend it on you."

Will accepted the lit match from me, puffing on the pipe until he was satisfied with the smoke. He inhaled for a moment, exhaling the smoke through his nose. "What did you think of today?"

I kept my face neutral as I breathed the smoke in. It was better than a cigar, but still not my favorite. I sat beside him on the trunk. "I think that Senator Smith is an absolute fool." I couldn't help the smile when I heard him snort, "And I think you acquitted yourself well. An admiral couldn't have done better than you that night."

"He knew I came to your cabin." Will pulled the pipe from his mouth for a moment, "How did he know that?"

I shook my head. "I've never spoken of it. But I wouldn't be surprised if someone saw you and told the papers, get themselves a nice little payout." I watched Will for a moment, the way he seemed to relax as he smoked. "The papers can talk all they like, they'll write anything to sell."

"But your parents bribing me? Won't that draw attention to your family?"

"Perhaps, but I am sure there are people who actually bribed sailors that night." I leaned on him, watching the tobacco flare up as he breathed in. "I'll have Peggy send us the papers in Washington if you're so concerned."

"Us?"

"Will, my family has a private rail car. I'm planning on coming with you to Washington. I cannot imagine this will continue for very long, and I want to be with you as much as I can before you," I swallowed past the slight lump in my throat, "Before you head back to England."

He grasped my hand, "But your family's business here?"

"Mr. Keller is extremely competent, he has a handle on matters here."

"You're in mourning though, to travel with us to Washington, it's not done."

"Neither is you sharing my bed." I couldn't help the harshness in my tone, I was exhausted from being told what I should and shouldn't be doing, from the never ending constrictions of mourning, and I saw him glance away from me. His expression hardened, and he pulled his hand away. "Please Will, I didn't mean it that way. Things have been so chaotic, what's done and what isn't doesn't seem to matter much to me right now." I pressed my lips to his cheek, "I'm going to change, please don't let me have ruined this." He didn't respond, simply nodding. I walked slowly to my room, barely acknowledging the maid who helped me out of my dress and into my nightgown.

I shouldn't have said that, I should have kept myself in check. But it was exhausting, to have all the attention on me, just waiting for a slip up before they could eat me alive. To have to sit in black, as if I were a crow, while everyone else paraded around in their colorful silks and chiffons. At least mourning was no longer as intense as it was in Grandfather's day, back then Mother would have been in crepe for two whole years, with a veil to her ankles. But still, six months in black, six months of being watched for any mistake on my part. I was stuck in mourning, when all I wanted was to be in a normal courtship with Will. To wear pretty dresses and go dancing, and show him all the fun parts of the city.

I angrily swiped at my face, the powder coming off onto the towel. That was selfish. Father was dead, I couldn't be a flighty little girl right now. I had to be the one to carry everything on, the company men were looking to me to keep marching forward. At least they wouldn't care if I wore a purple gown too early, they just wanted some stability. Well, I had given them that with Mr. Keller. He was well respected by the men, he would take care of things here. Which left me, in mourning, with the man that I loved. The mantle clock chimed softly, ten already. I looked to the door, hoping to see Will come through. But it remained shut, and I let out a sigh. I had ruined the night then, when he needed me to comfort him after the inquiry. What a harpy I was. I flicked the lights off in the sitting room, moving to my bed.

But sleep would not come, and I grabbed a book off my nightstand, hoping to bore myself to sleep. I had just made it past thirty pages when I heard the sitting room door open. I heard Will curse quietly, and he came in rubbing his knee. He was wearing a new pair of pajamas, and he stood awkwardly in the doorway for a moment, "I walked into the chaise."

I closed my book, setting it aside. "Are you alright?"

"Just bruised."

"Will, I am sorry for what I said." I twisted the quilt in my hands, "I should not have said it. I was cruel."

He had moved over to the side of the bed, slipping under the covers. I felt his hand brush against my cheek, "You were."

"And I am sorry for that." I let my fingers find his cheeks, feeling the stubble on them. "Please, forgive me. I will be better about my behavior for the papers, I promise."

"I just don't want to see you lose face because of our courtship." He pulled me close to him, "I don't want to give them any more reason to talk about you." A thought, that he cared nothing for what they would say about him, that he would lose far more face than me, died on my tongue. He wanted to protect me, I should be thankful that he cared about me enough to be willing to do that. He kissed my forehead, "Let's just go to sleep. Alright?" I nodded, snuggling into his shoulder as he brought his arm around me. I breathed in the smell of him, bare traces of his aftershave, tobacco, and just a hint of sweat. It was comforting, the only way you could have noticed it was to be so close to him. I closed me eyes, letting it lull me to sleep.

Chapter Text

The weekend proved to be some slight relief from the constant pressure the inquiry had become. I was able to sleep half the day away before Peggy came in to hustle me out of bed. She still was unused to seeing Will there, but having won the battle over mourning clothes, she wasn't going to fight it any more. For now, at least. Will had slipped out after breakfast, his new clothes waiting across the hall. Apparently Charles had gone to the inquiry, while the other officers had decided to take some time and see the city. I had moved the breakfast dishes to her tray, but Peggy stayed in my rooms though. "Miss, are you sure about him?"

I shook my head, "Peggy, after what we've been through I would trust Mr. Murdoch with my life." I moved to my vanity, "I will need you to send word around to the rail yard, the inquiry is moving down to Washington and I'm going with them in our car, so I will need a trunk packed and all our luggage ready to go tomorrow morning."

"Leaving tomorrow, that's quite fast Miss." Peggy grumbled as she set out a fresh set of underthings. "Why can't they just keep it here?"

"I have no idea Peggy, but I'm not going to let them go there alone." She came over to the vanity, and I could see that she wanted to ask something. "What is it, Peggy?"

"Miss, forgive me for speaking out of turn, but why are you so concerned about them?" Her voice was quiet, and she twisted her hands around each other. "It's not that they're not wanted, or that I think they should be thrown out, but I just don't understand."

I sighed, "It's alright Peggy. I suppose it's rather odd looking when you weren't there." I gestured for her to sit, and she moved to the bed. "They helped save all of us, and I had gotten to know several of them on the voyage. I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't offer them our hospitality." I caught her eye, "And Mr. Murdoch received Father's permission to court me, before the sinking."

"If he's a suitor, then he really shouldn't be sleeping in your bed." Peggy shook her head, "Imagine if the thought entered his head to take advantage of you-"

"Peggy!" I cut her off, "He has been nothing but respectful and kind, you will not make that assumption again." I didn't like to raise my voice, or to see her cringe slightly. I had never been one to treat my staff harshly, but I had to be firm on that. I softened my tone as I continued, "When we were on the rescue ship, if I did not have him by me when I slept I would begin screaming from the nightmares I suffered. Please, I want you to understand that is the only reason he has been staying in my rooms."

"I'm sorry Miss," She spoke quickly, ducking her head. "It wasn't any of my business, I shouldn't have asked."

"It's alright Peggy, things aren't exactly settled at the moment." I moved to sit by her, "You are only concerned, that's nothing to be ashamed about." I saw her smile at that, but we both looked up when my sitting room door opened.

A maid entered, bearing a calling card on a silver tray. "Miss, the Reichsters have sent their card around." I walked to her, taking the card from the tray. I looked at it, the perfectly printed black lettering raised against the cream paper. It was a well made card, the edges gilded. I wished nothing more than to throw it into the fire and let the flames consume it. But, as much as I wanted to, I could not. It would cause talk to refuse to see them, so soon after a tragedy we had both been through. And I wanted nothing more than to avoid gossip at the moment.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed, "Thank you, please see them in and set the parlor for tea. Oh, and please let Mr. Murdoch know I will need him as an escort." The girl bobbed a curtsy and withdrew, and I moved to my dressing room. I pulled out a high necked black bombazine, something that I could don myself. The only ornament I took for it was a large jet brooch to fasten at its high collar. Peggy was quick about getting me laced in to my underthings, the dress I was able to handle on my own, and Peggy managed to get the brooch pinned without catching my skin. She sniffed as she brought a pair of jet earrings over, "Calling on a woman in mourning, absolutely unthinkable."

I slipped them through my on, feeling her begin to pull my hair up. "Well, perhaps they're just coming to give their condolences. It seems everyone is right now."

"Do you think Zachary will be there? Your father forbid him the house after what happened."

"I don't want to take a chance, Mr. Murdoch will be more than willing to defend me." I looked at myself in the mirror, my hair piled up in various twists that were pinned to provide some volume to it. I gingerly touched below my eyes, a slight dark ring underneath them. I used a bit of powder to hide them, only looking over when I heard the door open again.

Will came in, the new dove gray suit he had been bought actually looked quite dapper on him, marred only by the mourning band he wore on his arm. I never asked him who it was specifically for, I had a feeling it would be there long past the usual end of a mourning period. I watched him nod to Peggy, coming over to my dressing table. His face was more composed than it had been last night, his blue eyes bright, and he managed a smile before he offered me his arm. His Scottish brogue was more evident in his speech, "I take it you weren't expecting callers?"

I let him draw me up, squeezing his fingers. "I was barely expecting to be awake." I gave him a strained smile, "But no, I was not expecting callers. Especially them"

"They must feel quite full of themselves to show up here." Will pulled me closer, holding the door for me as we stepped out. "I can't quite believe it."

I took his arm and drew myself up tall while we walked downstairs, praying that I would not find some reason to throw the tea service in their faces. "They are absolutely horrid, Will." We entered the parlor, with its wide windows that looked out onto the small yard and street. A standing clock ticked quietly away in the corner, a fire blazed merrily in the grate, and the family I so desperately did not want to see was on the other side of the table. They looked as if they had merely had a trying week instead of survived a shipwreck, their clothing clean and pressed, not a hair out of place.

And with no signs of mourning, not even a black armband on the men or a piece of jet jewelry on Samantha. To show no sign of mourning, it was as if they had chosen to ignore the tragedy that had happened. I did my best to keep my voice level as I entered, "Mr. and Mrs. Reichster, Zachary. Please, join us." Will took the chair next to mine as I busied myself with the silver tea service, pouring us both cups and filling three for our guests.

Mr. Reichster took a sip before speaking. "Anastasia, you must let me tell you how deeply sorry we are to have heard about Gareth's passing. He was a rival, but I did consider him to be a friend."

"That's kind of you to say." I replied, sipping my own tea. "I hope you all have recovered from what has happened."

Mrs. Reichster smiled widely, her hand waving whatever feelings she felt away. "Oh, it was nothing more than a little outdoors adventure! My friends have all been pestering me to write the papers and share our story."

"I would be glad to hear your story too." Will's voice was brittle, and his teacup rattled against the saucer until he placed it back on the table. "So many stories happened that night."

"Well, keep an eye out! I'm thinking about the Journal, the Times is a bit too hard for my set." She laughed a little at the end, "In fact, I've got a reporter, Frank Reading I believe, coming over tomorrow. Perhaps you could come and share your story, Anastasia? I'm sure it would sell a thousand papers, and perhaps you could even write a book!"

I put my own cup down. "I'm sorry, I'm not ready."

"My dear, you do need to tell it soon, before people start telling it for you." Her eyes cut quickly to Will, and then back to me. The smile she wore widened, and it was turning into a sneer quite quickly. I wearily blinked, Will's presence at this meeting, by my side, would be known by the evening papers then. More than likely our time on the Carpathia too. And all sorts of rumors would start.

I picked up a small cookie, and took a bite before I answered. "And I shall, just as soon as everything has settled down some."

"Yes," Zachary cut in, his voice slick as he stared at me. His eyes were bloodshot, his face flushed, and I could swear I could smell the whiskey on his breath. "It must be so unsettling to have so many men in your house. But I'm sure you're managing to entertain all of them on your own."

I heard Will's hand hit the arm of his chair, and I fear he would have stood and thrown Zachary bodily out of the window if I had not reached over and gently held his hand. I smiled blandly at Zachary, "I find it enlivening, and they have been such good friends. Especially Mr. Murdoch here," I gave Will a smile, hoping it was not to strained. "It is a comfort to be surrounded by so many good people when undergoing a trial like this."

"Yes, a trial." Zachary mused, "I'm sure it must feel that way to you especially, Mr. Murdoch. But it should be good practice for the trial that you will no doubt face after the inquiry."

At that point I stood, any decorum forgotten. I had thought I would have screamed, but instead my voice was flat and cold, the politeness icy. "If you speak that way to him again I will have you thrown out. Do you understand, Zachary?"

"He should be on trial." Zachary stood, both of us facing off over the tea table. Whereas I was cold, he was hot, his voice strained and veins bulging in his neck. I could see his green eyes dart from Will back to me, the blotchy red on his cheeks. "He crashed the ship, he's the reason all those people are dead. And he should be shot for it!"

I slapped him then, straight across the face. I wasn't even aware of it until I heard the crack of my hand against his cheek and felt the stinging of my palm. I knew it must not have hurt too much, but he stepped back in shock. His mother leapt to her feet with a little cry, her hands coming up to comfort Zachary. I was shaking at this point, and I desperately wanted to scream the curses I had heard Lowe and the other sailors use. To call Zachary a fucking bastard, a whoreson piece of shit. Anything to get him away.

His father stayed seated, but when he spoke his voice was cold. "Samantha, take Zachary back out to the carriage. He is obviously unwell."

"But Father, you know I'm right!"

"Henry, be reasonable! She just attacked your son." Samantha had summoned some tears, blubbering slightly. "We should be calling the police!"

"I said, out." Mr. Reichster watched as the two of them, after some more bluster, made their way out of the parlor and then picked his tea back up. I looked down at him, as he calmly finished his tea before he spoke. "My son is wrong, Mr. Murdoch. You did all you could to save the ship. God can ask no more of any man than to do all that he can." He stood, brushing a bit of crumb off of his jacket. "I fear you have broken Zachary though, Anastasia. To see you with him." He nodded at Will, "He had his heart set on you."

I felt Will reach up and take my hand, lending me some strength. "Your son lost whatever chance he had with me long ago. He is not welcome in any Dalian house or business, ever. Do not come to the funeral, any of you."

"Very well," Mr. Reichster held out his hand, "I shall be very curious to see how your business does, the reading of your father's will should be especially enlightening. Perhaps I will come for tea again after it has been read."

I shook it, and it felt like shaking hands with Death. I kept my voice firm. "Do not worry yourself about it, Mr. Reichster. I shall see that everything continues on course." He ambled away, leaving me with Will. The clocked ticked away as I slowly sat back down, this time on Will's knees. The anger that had filled me had fled, and I felt my hands shake slightly as I placed my hands on his cheeks, and kissed him strongly, feeling his hands hold me. "He's a liar Will, he always has been. I should have done more than slapped him. Don't listen to a word he said." The last thing I wanted was for Will to take what Zachary said to heart. There was no way Will would actually face a trial, he wasn't even an American citizen.

Will's lips moved to my ears. "Seeing you hit him was worth what he said." He kissed at my neck them, and I drew my hands up to hold him tight against me, running my fingers through his hair. I heard him chuckled at that, his lips moving up my neck.

The feeling of his lips on my skin was delightful, and I whispered to him, "Will, God it felt so good to hit him." I felt his teeth graze my skin, "Mmm, Will. Please," I begged, not exactly knowing what I wanted him to do. I felt him nip at me, and I giggled slightly. It tickled. I moved up from his knees to his lap, wrapping my arms around him. All I wanted was go go upstairs with him and draw the shades, cocoon ourselves away from the world for just a day.

There was a click of a door lock, and Will and I quickly scrambled away from each other. I tugged at the neck of my dress, and I saw Will running his fingers through his hair to comb it. Peggy came in, busying herself with collecting the tea service. "Well, the rail yard will have the car attached to the 11:30 train for Washington, and I've arranged for a truck to come and take the trunks behind the carriages. Mr. Keller sent over some papers he wants you to sign before you leave, and the Reverend will be here in a few hours, too."

"Thank-" I coughed, my voice still slightly deep from kissing Will. I felt myself blush, "Thank you Peggy. Could you send word to the lawyers that I would like to meet them next Saturday when we return to begin going over the will?" She looked from me to Will and shook her head slightly, but nodded to me and moved out. I sighed, embarrassment rising in me. I enjoyed kissing him, enjoyed the touch of his hand on me, but the thought of her finding us as we were before, she would be furious. It wasn't as if I was ashamed of kissing him, but I wanted it to just be for us, for it to be private. I heard Will come behind the chair I was in, his arms slipping around me.

His lips brushed against my ear, "Shall we retire back to your rooms? Or perhaps you could give me a tour?"

I actually moaned at that, the slight whisper of wind against my ear and the thought of spending the rest of the day kissing Will until we were breathless. I would like nothing more, to lose myself in him and forget everything for awhile. I shook my head though, there was just too much. "A tour perhaps, I don't think the Reverend will be pleased to see you here. He's dreadfully old fashioned."

Will chuckled, "Well, perhaps I should hide myself away then."

"There's a library on the sixth floor, feel free to make use of it." I smiled up at him, "I shouldn't be too long, but I will need to go over those papers." He pressed a kiss to my forehead before heading out. I sighed, standing up and brushing down my skirt. A few crumbs had clung to it and I shook it out to dislodge them. Mother would love to hear what had happened, and I hoped that she would be willing to come to the phone. The one in the Fifth Avenue house was newer than the phone we had here, and it took me a minute to find it in the parlor.

I was hoping the butler would have answered, but Morgan's voice came out of the speaker, "Hello?"

"Hello Morgan, how is Mother?" I spoke slowly, the receiver was always rather scratchy. I was glad to talk to Morgan though, I hadn't heard from her in months.

"She's been sleeping most of the time. I make sure she eats and exercises." She sighed, "It is rough on her, she loved your father so much."

"I know, it hasn't exactly been easy over here either." I rubbed at my temples, "I am going to follow the inquiry down to Washington tomorrow, but I'm expecting to be back up next Saturday. I'm hopeful we can have the funeral that Sunday, the Reverend is coming over today."

"That's awfully soon, Anastasia. Have," She paused for a moment, "Have they found him?"

There was a wrenching in my heart, "They won't Morgan. I've heard that he," My voice broke then, "He stayed inside the ship. So it's going to be an empty coffin."

I heard her sniff loudly on the other side, "That's, that's horrible."

"I know, please don't tell Mother. It will be hard enough as it is."

"Should I let her know that you're leaving town?"

I steadied myself for a moment, "Maybe after I've left. I may have done something this afternoon that might cause a slight scandal, so I'm thinking a retreat from the city at this moment might be for the best."

"What did you do?"

I felt myself grin, "I slapped Zachary Reichster and forbid his family from the funeral."

Her laughter loudly echoed out of the speaker, "Oh, that will make your Mother quite happy. In fact, I'm going to tell her now. Goodbye!"

"Goodbye, Morgan." I slipped the speaker back into its cradle. The stairs seemed daunting, but I drew my skirts up and climbed. The sixth floor had always been something of a masculine retreat in our house, all dark wood and leather. I stopped by the library, the door cracked open. Will was sat in an armchair, a book in his hand as he looked out at the harbor. I smiled, it seemed so right for him to be there. He looked like he belonged. I moved slowly away, not wanting to bother him. Father's office was paneled in dark stained oak, the walls painted a bright green where they weren't hidden behind various photographs and paintings. It was dark, the curtains drawn and the electric lights flickering low. I turned them up as I stepped in.

I ran my hand across the cherry desk, considering it and the leather swivel chair behind it. Old papers had been strewn across it, the freshly delivered ones stacked in a corner. An ashtray, a cigar still resting in it, sat close to the edge of the desk. Part of me didn't want to move a thing, to leave it as Father had left it. I looked away from it, but it seemed everywhere I looked I could see Father. The photograph taken of the three of us at a ship launching, the pile of shipping magazines and registers on the bookshelves. Portraits and pictures of Mother and I, or Father and I, or just myself. Even the cut crystal glasses and decanter of brandy, God I could even smell his cologne. I sat down heavily in his chair, feeling a few tears begin to fall. I allowed myself five minutes to cry, to miss him and wish he was here, but then I began to work. Otherwise I would have sat there all afternoon, pitying myself.

I collected the loose papers, organizing them as best I could. I moved the ashtray and cigar to a side table, and I picked up a pen and inkwell from a drawer. I placed these by the blotter, moving to the curtains. I opened them wide, coughing slightly as some dust was disturbed. With light to work with I sat down at the desk, drawing the papers to me. A letter on top from Mr. Keller described what he had sent and what I needed to sign. I patiently read through them, contracts for ship repairs, new agreements from clients, and a request for additional funding for a ship being constructed at the New York Shipyard. I signed those that Mr. Keller had indicated, and spent a good deal of time considering the plans that the shipyard had sent over.

The new ship was simple in her design, but it did have an allotment of passenger cabins in addition to the cargo holds. Some of our ships did take on passengers, mainly tradesmen and salesmen who made the trips often and did not care too much if it was in luxury. I moved past those on the plans, noting the refrigerated holds and how they were to be placed far away from the boilers. I must have been absorbed for I actually started when Peggy opened the door and stepped in, a man in a clerical collar behind her.

"The reverend is here, Miss. For the arrangements." She nodded to the reverend as she left. Reverend Johnson was an upright man of the cloth, literally. I had never seen the man slouch in the years we had been attending his church.

I stood and took his hand. "Reverend Johnson, please, sit."

"I am very sorry for your loss, Miss Dalian. Please, forgive my tardiness in coming to offer my condolences, I had many to attend to." He sat on the very edge of his chair across the desk, his shoulders square.

"Of course, we all do at the moment." I felt myself deflate slightly, "Is next Sunday available for the funeral?"

"Yes, I will have a notice posted in the papers. Is there anything you would like on the program?" He drew out a piece of paper and a pencil, scratching away as we discussed the timetable. The empty casket would arrive early, followed by Mother and I. Hymns would be sung, including Eternal Father. It seemed only right to send Father off with the hymn we had sung so many times together. Various personages would give statements about Father, and I would conclude the ceremony with my own and my thanks for the presence of everyone. Only the family and close friends would be attending the burial. The Reverend assured me that everything would be in readiness, he would personally see to a headstone and casket being prepared, and departed.

I poured a glass of brandy from the decanter Father had kept up here, taking it over to the windows that looked out over the harbor. I sipped it, the taste was harsh but the more I drank the smoother it became, the less I felt the weight on my shoulders. It seemed like I could not stop, and I filled the glass again. I could find no rest. If it was not going to be heading off with Will and the others to the inquiry, it would be helping Mrs. Brown with the relief society, or dealing with business papers to assure that everything continued on.

I was tired, so very tired. I wanted nothing more than to close myself off from the world, like Mother had, and keep Will by my side. I suppose I could thank the inquiry for that, for holding him here. But it wasn't as if we could do what we had discussed before, go out for dinner and dancing, or go to Newport and sail the yacht. Instead I was busied by everything and anything, and the only rest I got was in Will's arms. I was a black raven following him, not the beautiful heiress I had been onboard. I pressed my forehead to the glass, closing my eyes and trying to keep from crying. It was stupid for me to cry, I needed to be strong right now. I'd done my crying for Father on the Carpathia, I had to keep myself moving. The responsibilities would settle onto me, they would get easier, and by July I could enter half mourning. It was three months, three months to accustom myself to everything.

The door opened, a set of heavy footsteps coming in. I knew Will's step, and I watched him come up behind me in the distorted reflection on the window. His voice rumbled against my back. "Dinner's ready, what are you doing up here?"

I swirled the brandy, taking another healthy drink. "The reverend came by to discuss funeral arrangements. I got caught up."

"And the brandy?" He gently took the glass from my hand, returning it to the sideboard. I heard him lift the bottle, examining the contents. "You shouldn't be drinking that much."

"Will, I can't do this anymore." I leaned up against the window, the cool glass comfortable against my forehead as I looked out over the harbor. "I'm the only one now. The only one who can run everything and I just can't. I can't keep the business running, go with you all to Washington, and be the perfect daughter in mourning for her father." I watched his reaction in the window, his expression growing thoughtful. "I'm so tired Will, and it's just," I gestured vaguely around me, "It's so much."

His hands slipped around my waist, drawing me to him. "Then perhaps you should stay back tomorrow, settle matters here more thoroughly." Our reflection showed the difference in us, Will looked the best that he had since the sinking, while I could see shadows under my eyes.

I shook my head against his chest. "No, I can keep going. At least for now." I could not lose what time I had with him, I could rest, or try to, once he left for England. I drew him down for a kiss, "Besides, I have no doubt the events of this afternoon will make the papers, it would probably be good for me to get out of town."

I felt him hum, a slight movement against my back betrayed him looking around, and he spoke quietly. "When was that painted?"

I looked to see what he meant. He was looking at the large portrait Father had hung in his office. I smiled through my tears, to see the three of us together again. Father was standing, in a crisp suit and tie, behind a chair Mother sat in, her white lingerie dress swirling around her feet. I was sat opposite her, in the gown I had worn for my debut. Navy silk, dipping low over my chest, with golden embroidery and lace, and pearls strung through my hair. The three of us were posed around a table, a model ship displayed proudly. Will still held me close as he turned toward the painting. I played with his fingers, "He had it painted for my debut, back when I was sixteen." I touched the jet brooch at my neck, "I still have that dress, but I won't be wearing it for awhile."

"You look beautiful." He leaned down, kissing my cheek. "Even in mourning."

Chapter Text

I wish I could say that the trip to Washington proved to be some great relief, that away from the city Will and I were able to find a moment of peace. But it was not to be. The inquiry continued on, the officers and sailors called back up again and again to answer any number of inane questions. Will had the worst of it, as I expected. It seemed Senator Smith had an endless list of questions that exposed how he was planning on continuing.

"Was there ever an order to increase speed beyond the normal speed that you have stated?" Smith asked during one session, after pressing Will for details regarding the speed at the time of the collision.

"No sir, not to my knowledge."

"I will be frank Mr. Murdoch, there has been discussion that Mr. Ismay was heard ordering Captain Smith to increase speed with the hopes of securing some accolade. Do you know of that?"

"The accolade, sir? The Blue Riband, awarded for the fastest transatlantic crossing."

"I meant the discussion."

"Sorry, but I do not. In fact I could not think of any reason why Mr. Ismay would push for more speed." Will almost chuckled as he spoke.

"Why is that?"

"The Cunard liners can do approximately 24 knots as their top speed, according to them. Titanic was rated for 22 1/2 to 23 knots to my best guess. We knew we couldn't catch them for speed."

"Surely two knots is not so great a trial to overcome?" Smith thought he was clever, but he had obviously never had to deal with getting a replacement boiler fitted after a captain had decided to press his engines. That had happened to one of our ships a few years back, Father had almost torn out his hair dealing with the expense and the lost contracts while the ship was laid up.

"We did not try it sir, our only wish was for this voyage to go smoothly and it has been said when the Cunard liners run their top speed they shake something horrible. This was a maiden voyage, we were running the ship with every eye towards a safe crossing, not quick."

"Did the officers discuss the top speed at all?"

"Only in the way one is curious about such matters. Nothing about attempting it on this trip."

"So, in your expertise, the discussion that has been brought to our attention is inaccurate?"

"Yes." Will spoke firmly, and he was dismissed after that. We did our best to stay for the others officers, who were questioned about the speed of the ship in the same manner. I took Will's hand, trying to remember the feel of it. Washington had brought another hardship, Will was unable to come to my room without being noticed. We were all housed on the same floor of the hotel I had found, but the hotel staff was so studious in their rounds that there was never a time where the hallway was deserted enough. The first night had been the worst, and a maid had actually come running with the manager, convinced I was being murdered.

The manger had stayed back from the bed, where I was twisted in the sheets. He was breathing heavily, "My apologies Miss Dalian, the maid was just so concerned and I was the only one with the key."

"It's alright, just a nightmare." I muttered as I tried to set myself to rights while keeping the blanket pulled up to my chin. "I've had them for awhile"

"I can arrange for something to be brought to calm your nerves, if you would like." He looked down studiously at his shoes.

"No, I will be fine, but please tell the maids not to worry." I nodded to him, "Please, I will be back asleep in a moment." He had left, and I had tried to steady myself. The nightmares were different, now that I had heard about Will's trials during the sinking. That night I had seen him sucked down with the ship, his coat flaring about his legs as he flailed for the surface. Father had been sitting in a deck chair as they descended, offering Will a brandy and a cigar. What little sleep I had gotten that night proved little relief, and I had actually nodded off during the inquiry the next day. Fortunately I did not miss much, Smith still focused on the tiniest of details, especially the speed of the ship.

The line of questioning continued in that manner for several days, spread throughout the officers and even some of the firemen who had survived. I had read it in the papers too, that White Star had intended to claim not only the most luxurious and safest ships, but also the fastest. It seemed foolish to me, liner companies would gladly print any claim they thought they could reach, and I had seen nothing about speed in the advertisements for the Titanic, only luxury and safety. Senator Smith seemed focused on hammering this point though, or in exposing his own ignorance.

"Now Mr. Murdoch, what exactly is the composition of an iceberg?" Senator Smith, now accompanied by several other senators at his table, asked without even looking up.

"Excuse me, sir?" I swear I heard a chuckle in Will's voice, a note of disbelief.

"What is an iceberg made of?"

"Ice, sir." The entire room laughed outright at that, and I hid the wide grin I had behind a hand. How could you not know what an iceberg was made out of, all you had to do was say the word!

"Is ice truly such a threat to a steel ship?"

"Yes sir, ice that large can easily hole a vessel. Even growlers can cause damage."

"Growlers?"

"Small bergs, hard to spot against the waves." Will managed to keep a straight face, even as Smith continued in his line of questioning. We had all had a good laugh about it after, back at the hotel. The only bit of drama the next day was that Officer Boxhall taking sick. I volunteered to stay with him, he was simply exhausted and had to rest for a couple of days before he was recovered enough to resume questioning. I tried to use the time I had away from the inquiry to rest as well, but I had little success. So I focused on him, bringing him meals and reading to help him sleep. Finally, he was well enough to begin attending again, they all attended even if they did not have to testify that day.

It was during one of the days where Will did not have to take the stand, when he sat beside me and we would whisper to each other about the inquiry, that a man who would quickly become infamous took the stand. From the testimony of some of the crew, it seemed that there was a ship nearby when the sinking occurred. Some of the lifeboats had even made for it, and the officers testified that it was well within sight of the distress rockets we had launched. The captain of that ship took the stand. Stanley Lord looked like a cold man, and as he sat down and was sworn in I heard Will breathe in sharply. I leaned over and he whispered into my ear, "I've served with him."

"Where?"

"The Iquique, back when I was on the Sydney route. He was an apprentice and thought to order me about, not realizing I outranked him. Never thought to see him again." Despite the testimony of several sailors, including the Marconi operator, that Lord's ship, the Californian, was within sight of the distress rockets, he denied it. I wanted to feel angry, if his ship had actually come to our rescue so many could have been saved, but I was exhausted. If, if, if. The inquiry brought out so many ifs. But it needed to focus on what was, and that seemed to take so long to get to.

Late Friday that week, at dinner, I informed the officers that I would be leaving for the weekend in order to attend Father's funeral. That cast an immediate pall over the conversation, but I quickly tried to distract them. "You all should use the weekend to see some of the sights here, or visit the Smithsonian museums. I'll be back late Sunday, as long as the train runs on time."

Charles carried the rest of the night, asking me what I knew about the museums. Unfortunately it was very little, which lead to all of them coming up with the most outlandish thing they would be able to find. James came up with what was considered the best idea, that the museum might have one of the new fangled flying machines on display. I granted that they might, but they should also stop to see General Sickles' leg.

"You're having us on now, Miss." Lowe laughed, "A General's leg?"

I set my wine back down, "I swear, he lost it at Gettysburg. Grandfather was in Washington one year on the anniversary, apparently General Sickles visited it on that day each year."

Boxhall spoke up from down the table, "Did you have any family in that war?"

I smiled, "Yes, both sides of my family fought in the war. On my mother's side, two of her uncles fought in the Union army. One under Sherman, he helped burn their way through Georgia, and one in the East, eventually under Grant. He had a brick he'd taken from Richmond that he kept on his mantle. My Grandfather, Hiram Dalian, was an officer under Admiral Porter on the Mississippi. He started Dalian Shipping after the war, made quite a bit of money running supplies from Britain to the South under Reconstruction." I sighed, "He was an interesting man, he left my father his sword when he died under the strict requirement that my father had to wear it to the funeral. And on Grandfather's birthday every year." That drew a round of laughter, and the conversation began to drift into family histories and military service. I was surprised to discover that quite a few of them were in the Royal Naval Reserves. I leaned over to Will, "Why did you join?"

"It seemed the right thing to do, and if war comes then I can continue sailing without being in too much danger." He must have seen my confusion. "They don't want us merchantmen on their war ships, we just continue our usual duties, only for the Royal Navy." He turned to call good night to a few of the others who were headed up, but turned back, his voice low. "Ana, I want to talk to you about the funeral. Let me come with you."

I shook my head, looking down to my empty plate. "Will, it's alright. It's not going to be much fun."

He snorted at that, standing and offering me his arm. "Let's take a walk to the sitting room." We made our way through the hotel, back to the sitting room reserved for guests. A few were clustered around in various groups, but Will quickly found a settee away from them. He took my hands as he sat, "Let me come to the funeral, I could be your escort."

"Will, I don't want you to be there." I found myself still looking down, unwilling to meet his eyes. "Stay and go out with the others, have some fun."

His hands tightened on mine, and I instinctively looked up. His eyes were wide, the blue of them vibrant in the light. "Why don't you want me to come?"

"Will, please-"

"Ana, tell me."

I screwed up my face, ready to tell him to drop it, but the way his voice caught made my resolve crumble. "I don't want you there, thinking about death. I don't want you to get melancholic again, to have those thoughts. I want you to go out and enjoy your time here." I gently squeezed his fingers, "Whatever time you have left."

"I'd rather spend that time with you," He gently brushed a thumb under my eye. "You haven't been sleeping well."

"Neither have you," I shot back, reaching up and running my own fingers under the bags that had begun appearing below his eyes earlier in the week. We both stared at each other for a moment, touching each other's faces, before we suddenly dropped our hands. I brushed my fingers back through my hair, "Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad."

Will chuckled, settling further down into the cushions. "I promise to not get that way again. These hearings have actually been helping with that."

I moved closer to him, not as close as I would have liked though. "How? All it seems to me is Smith having the same details told to him again and again."

"It's showing me that it wasn't just my bad luck, or my fault." He stretched out his legs, "There were so many other things that led to it, I was just the poor man who was on watch when it happened."

Keeping an eye on the others in the room, I snuck my hand over to his. "I'm glad then, but I wish I could," I leaned closer to him, "I wish I could have you by me at night."

"Tomorrow," He murmured, "You know there are benefits to having a private rail car." I wanted to kiss him then, but with the others around I settled for squeezing his hand again. The thought of having him to myself for the whole train ride was a promising one, and I resolved to ensure that time was spent well, to spend it enjoying each other without anyone watching us. Will looked over at me, "Have you been having nightmares?"

"Yes, and I'm going to assume you have as well." I looked aside at him, "But with you everything is easier, I think more on the future than what happened."

He ran his fingers over my knuckles, "One more night love, and then we can be alone for a bit." I tried to hold onto that thought when I lay in my bed later that night, to think of being able to have Will to myself again. It proved some solace, I did not wake screaming but only started awake a few times during the night. My dreams seemed to shift, first the awful roar of the boilers exploding, and then Will and I in the cabin on the Carpathia, lying on top of him and feeling his hands on my back. I tried to focus on the latter, to remember the feel of Will's skin under my lips, the taste of his sweat and the slight sting of aftershave on my tongue. I found myself calmer as I woke, and packed a valise for the short trip after I dressed. Will met me in the lobby, his own bag clutched in his hand.

We stayed respectable as we took a cab to the station, and a conductor led us to our private car at the end of the train. The oak flooring and walls were polished, the leather of the benches and chairs smooth and buttery. The draperies were done in the Dalian colors of royal blue and white, the bar area freshly stocked with crystal glasses. It was a comfortable way to travel, which the officers had gladly taken advantage of on the way up. I had laughed to see them all spread out over the benches and chairs, asleep in the strangest positions as they filled the car with their noise. But now that it was just Will and I, it seemed so large. Once the door was shut and the bags placed on empty chairs, Will was immediately wrapped around me. I held him close, breathing him in.

He spoke quietly, "I've missed holding you."

"So have I." I placed a kiss to cheek, "God, it feels good to have you here."

"It feels right." He whispered, pulling us over to a leather bench against a wall. I reached up and pulled the damask curtains across the window that stretched along the side, and then curled myself up against him. His fingers brushed gently through my hair, "Is everything ready in New York?"

"Yes, it should all go smoothly." I'd gotten various telegrams throughout the week updating me on the progression of the funeral. Invitations had gone out, flowers were being purchased, and the headstone and casket were ready. All that remained was the ceremony itself.

"Have you written down your eulogy?"

"No, I haven't." I leaned against his shoulder, "I don't want to think about it now." I had put off thinking about it at all, it made it seem so final. Instead I set myself to kissing my way up his neck, watching his eyes flutter shut as I did. His hand was firm on my back though, and it wrapped around my ribs. I couldn't help it, I giggled slightly.

An eye sleepily opened. "Are you ticklish?" His hand moved again and I twitched in his grasp, half rising out of the seat.

"No, you just startled me." I lied, feeling another laugh bubble up. God, why did it have to be my ribs? He let his fingers wander over my sides, guiding me back onto the bench as he leaned over me. The train gave a whistle and began to move, both of us lurching to the floor with a laugh as it started out from the station. I had wound up underneath him, his legs tangled with mine as he held himself above me on his elbows. Our faces were close, I could feel his breath on my cheek. My lips parted, my voice a bare whisper, "Will."

"Ana." He lowered himself down, gently pressing his lips to mine. It felt so sweet to have him close to me again, and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, feeling the muscles underneath his clothing. I gently pulled him down, letting him settle on top of me. The weight seemed nothing, as long as I had his lips against mine and his hands moving up from my ribs to gently brush against the side of my breast. He let his lips move from mine, tracing his way down my throat. It was like fire on my skin, after being unable to be close to him for so long. I didn't care that the oak flooring was hard against my head as I arched my neck, giving him better access as he moved along. It didn't matter, all that mattered was Will was here, was close to me, and I gasped as I felt him nip at my neck.

I shifted slightly underneath him as he pressed himself down on top of me, moving my hips slightly as he seemed to settle between them. He was pressed flush to me, and it felt wonderful, as if there was a sudden current racing under me where we touched. I wanted him closer though, and wrapped one of my legs over his. Will gave a slight moan against my skin, and I pressed myself up to him. There was a slight firmness against my hips where I was pressed to him, and I moved against it, curious about what it was. Will pulled back suddenly, his voice rough. "Oh God, Ana." He moved back onto his heels, "That was, that was ill done of me."

I still lay on the floor, wishing I had him still on top of me. I pillowed my head on an arm, watching him. "I didn't mind."

He sat back onto the floor, "Neither did I, but I should still have not done it."

I moved over to him, "Will, it's been too long since we've been together. Alone." I placed my hands on his legs, feeling him tense through his trousers. "It was no hardship, believe me. I enjoyed it quite a bit."

"You're a horrible woman," He chuckled, "Come here." Together we settled back onto the bench, and it was comforting to have him by me. We watched the scenery roll by, trading kisses and whispered words as we did. Nothing ever got quite as intense as the first one, and I felt a slight ache. He was so careful, and sometimes I wished that he would be a little reckless. But for now, being close to him, talking to him, was enough. The ride north was long though, and we slowly quieted. I enjoyed watching Will, the flicker of his eye lashes as he blinked, the way he would occasionally track something through the window, and even when his eyes slowly began to drift closed.

I poked him in the rib, "How can you fall asleep so fast?"

"When I'm working, I'm lucky to get a few hours of sleep a day." He didn't even open his eyes as he spoke, "So when I have the chance, I fall asleep fast and deep." His breathing began to deepen, and the hand on my waist slackened after awhile. I gently removed it, getting up and stretching. Let him sleep, I needed to attend to something, something that I was dreading. I sighed as I settled back into the leather seat, a pile of newspapers in front of me. I hadn't had time to read them during the days, and had instead piled them up to read now, retrieving them from my valise.

They were vicious, and I paled as I read them. The lifeboats refusing to go back were a huge point, and the officers blamed for not taking them back despite the multiple reassurances from the officers that passengers begged them not to. The first class passengers were derided for leaving in boats that weren't full. And poor Will caught the worst of it, with allegations of drunkenness, accepting bribes for places in boats, deliberately increasing the speed of the ship. I threw the papers I had read aside, grabbing for the one on the bottom of the pile, the New York Journal. I'd saved it for last, it would no doubt be the worst. There were basic articles on the proceedings, but what chilled me was an article in the Wednesday edition.

Heroes and Villains of the Titanic Sinking
-Frank Reading

When reading about the sinking of the great steamer, the cast of characters that emerges can easily be sorted into two sorts. Those who used the sinking to display the vast heroism that the public can no doubt admire, and those who scrambled to save their own skins, even taking chances to enrich themselves along the way. Thanks to my exposure to both of these groups, your humble reporter can very easily provide the reader with both.

One can find no greater heroes in the sinking than the Reichster family, waiting until the last boat to see that they could get as many people saved as they could. Mrs. Samantha Reichster has emerged as a great lady in the aftermath, being intimately involved with the relief effort from the beginning. Zachary and Gareth Reichster have been instrumental in arranging for the care of the survivors and providing travel arrangements for those who wish to return. We can only hope that the other great families of New York can display such Christian charity in this tragic time.

As for the villains in this disaster, one only has to look at the officers of the ship. Especially the lead officer, a Scotsman by the name of Murdoch. He was seen in the company of a notable family several times at meals onboard the ship, and this reporter has no doubt that he knowingly entered into this relationship with the most foul motives, seeking to enrich himself at this family's expense. These motives continue even now, the heiress of this family housing him in the city and, according to confidential information provided, he is engaged in a most scandalous relationship with said heiress. His influence has even led to her striking the scion of a family during a social call, behavior that cannot be tolerated in the lowest sort of woman, let alone her set. She has not only taken to entertaining this Murdoch, but the other officers, taking them by her private rail car to Washington. This is supposedly for them to continue attending the inquiry, but one only has to think of what an unchaperoned young woman and a group of rough sailors could be doing when not testifying, when provided with all the fine drink and dining one can have in Washington. We can only hope that the funeral of her father later this week is not tainted by these men, but the family has seemingly thrown all propriety out, so one can only wait and see.

My hands were shaking by the time I finished, and I felt like I might vomit. Will was still asleep in on the bench, and I walked over to look at him. He looked so at peace, a slight stubble on his cheeks and his eyes twitching slightly in some dream. I shoved the paper to the bottom of the pile, returning to his side. I pressed myself close to him, trying to calm myself with his presence. This was nothing, this was a meaningless gossip column that would be forgotten by the next scandal.

This was the work of the Reichsters.

I needed to fight back, I needed to give my own interviews and get my own narrative going. To show everyone that what had happened was no one man's singular fault, to show that Will and the others were the best that could have been had when in that situation. I needed arm myself with as many facts as I could.

I was going to war.

Chapter Text

Of course nothing could be easy on this trip. Our train was delayed for hours in the backwoods of Pennsylvania, waiting for the line ahead to clear. Will had woken from his nap, and had immediately focused on the papers. I tried to make light of them, but he seemed to take them in stride. Except for the Journal. I could see a flush rising in him as he read, and he very calmly folded the paper back up. But when he looked to me his eyes were wild, "I'm going to kill him."

"Will, it's just idle gossip."

"He said that you're bedding not only me, but the other officers!" He stood, raking his hands through his hair as he paced the length of the car. He paused, pulling his jacket off and throwing it onto the bench before he resumed his pacing. "That you're a whore and your family's name means nothing."

I stood, catching his elbow as he walked by. "Will, you know it's not true. I know it's not true. This is exactly what they want to happen."

"They?" He shook his head, "Who do you mean?"

"The Reichsters, they gave the interview and started these rumors." I reached for his hand, pulling it from where it was clenched in his hair. "They want you to react like this, it's how they sell papers. I'll just have to give my own interview and fight back."

"But how can they print this?" The tension seemed to be leaving his grip, I could easily slide my fingers between his. "What are they trying to gain?"

"They're trying to affect our business," I pulled him back over to a bench, shifting closer to him as I felt the train begin pulling again. "If they make our name scandalous enough they think people will stop contracting with us."

"Would that happen?"

I snorted, "Maybe for those in New York society who use us, but most of our smaller clients won't care. I'll do my best to keep it from getting out of hand, but I can't imagine our business failing because of a gossip column." I slid closer to him, letting my foot brush up against his. "Trust me, it will all be fine."

We both started as a knock sounded from the door connecting us to the rest of the train, a voice calling out. "Miss Dalian? We telegraphed ahead to New York about the delay and received a telegram for you, from your mother. May I come in?"

I gave Will's hand a squeeze, then launched myself to a chair away from him. "Yes, please." The door was only open for a moment, the conductor seemingly wanted to get this over with quickly, for he dropped the telegram on a table and immediately turned around and left. I shook my head, marveling at his efficiency. "I think I could have been in your lap and he wouldn't have even noticed."

Will gave a chuckle at that, coming over to stand behind me. "Ana," He murmured, sliding his hands around my shoulders. "You must stop being so tempting."

I looked up from the telegram, giving him a smile as I folded the telegram. "Will, you are quite tempting yourself, you know."

"What did she say?"

"She will arrive at the house tomorrow to ride over to the funeral." I sighed, leaning back into the chair and the feeling of his hands on my shoulders. "And she contacted our lawyers immediately after her arrival, they've expedited the will reading. It's on Wednesday, I'll have to be back for that."

"So you'll only be in Washington for two nights before coming back." His hands began to rub at my shoulders, "I'll be glad when we have a month in the same place." I leaned my head back into his chest, feeling him work at the knots that were in my shoulders.

"Don't stop yet Will," I closed my eyes, enjoying how it felt to have him touch me. "When you're finished, I'll work on yours."

I felt him place his lips against my hair, "Ana, if you touch me right now I can't be held accountable for what happens." I laughed at that, reaching up to press my hand against his waistcoat. I felt his chest rumble as he chuckled. "Perhaps that was a bit of an overstatement." After I felt like I could move my shoulders again, I drew him over the bench. I threw a cushion onto the floor for him to sit on in front of me, and he leaned his head back into my lap as I began to work on his shoulders. They were tense, and my thoughts of slipping my hands under his shirt vanished. It took most of the trip to get them loosened up, and he swung them freely as he stood. "Ah, much better."

We busied ourselves, setting our clothing and the car back to rights as we steamed into the station. Bags in hand, we headed out after giving the conductor a tip for bringing the telegram. One of our coachmen had been waiting by the platform and quickly took the bags from us as he led us through the crowd. He looked back, "We weren't expecting you to bring Mr. Murdoch, Miss."

I breathed in the smell of the city as we left the station, spring rains and smoke and all kind of activity. "He offered to escort me to the funeral, I could not turn him down."

"Well, Peggy'll have a fit but it's not like we don't have the room." He chuckled, opening the carriage and placing the bags inside. I stepped up, gathering my skirt around me to allow Will to follow. He sat next to me, and I drew the curtains across the windows. Reporters lurked everywhere in this city, and the last thing I needed was for them to see Will and I together in the carriage. The station was so busy that we had been lost in the crowd, but our carriage was known. We'd taken it to too many parties for it not to be.

As expected, Peggy was in a right state when I entered with Will. The flowers had all been removed from the foyer, and I was grateful the cloying scent was gone when Peggy started in on me. I had already begun to develop a headache, the scent of dying flowers would have been too much. "Miss, you should have told us to expect Mr. Murdoch. I haven't seen to anything, and it's so late."

"Peggy," I pressed my fingers to my temple, trying to relieve my headache. "It's alright. We're only here for a couple nights, we don't need the whole house readied for us. My rooms will be fine."

"Miss, with your father's funeral tomorrow, are you sure that's the thing to do?" Peggy cut her eyes to Will, then back to me. "People have been talking."

"Yes." I spoke firmly. "We're heading up now. Please send some dinner up."

"Of course, Miss." Peggy bobbed, turning and heading for the kitchen. My rooms proved a bit of a respite, Will stepping across the hall to change. I availed myself of my dressing room, letting the smell of my own home relax me. It smelled of the lavender sachets in the cedar wardrobes, the slightly acrid smell of firewood burning, and the salt of the sea air that blew in from across the harbor. It was not the most usual scent, I imagine it might baffle people unused to it, but it was home. Dinner had been brought up, a rack of lamb with spring peas, and Will had come back dressed in his pajamas. The food was delicious, as usual, and we devoured the meal before retiring to bed. Will fell asleep almost immediately, and I found myself jealous of that talent.

I tried closing my eyes, slowing my breathing and letting my mind drift but sleep would not come. I turned, stretching myself out and trying to relax my body, but still nothing. Will grunted as I tossed again, and I gave up. Whatever sleep I was going to get was not going to come now. I got up, pulling the blankets back over Will, slipping into the sitting room and closing the door behind me. The fire had burned down to coals, and I turned the lamp on my writing desk on. If I could not sleep, I could at least work on what I was going to say at the funeral. I pulled my stationary from the drawer in my writing desk and set to with a pen.

Sleep was not the only thing that wouldn't come, and the blank paper stayed that way for awhile. I racked my brain, what could I say? How could I wrap everything that Father had meant to me into words? He had been my father, he had held me when I cried, danced with me at parties when I was little, and always made sure that I knew he loved me more than anything he had in the world. But those were my memories, that was what he was to me and I didn't want to share that. I didn't want Father to merely become Gareth Dalian. He was mine, and I couldn't share that. But what else could I do? I had to say something, but how could I do that without losing Father? My heart couldn't take it, and I spent a few minutes crying quietly. All that I managed to scribble down were some memories to share, nothing that meant too much to me, ones that I could share, and little notes to try and prompt myself to say something. Perhaps the other speakers could inspire me, for what I felt about him could not fit into words.

I managed a few hours of sleep on the chaise, gaining a crick in my neck for it, but morning came quickly. I drew on the mourning gown I had last worn for Mrs. Astor's funeral, a long and high necked black taffeta that covered me from neck to ankle. The sleeves were tight around my arms, buttoning down to the wrists where they met the black kid gloves I wore. Peggy assisted me in getting the mourning jewelry on, all in jet and gold. The dreaded crepe veil hung from the black hat, but I tucked it up so I could see as I made my way out. Will was in the hall, adjusting the mourning band on the arm of his black suit. Even his bowler had a mourning band wrapped around the crown. He didn't speak, but gave me a slight smile as he offered his arm. I took it as we made our way downstairs, the house was quiet. Quiet enough that I could hear the slight rumbling of the motor as Mother's auto came into the carriage yard behind the house. She had already made it to the parlor by the time we reached it, looking out at the black draped carriage that was waiting for us. I moved towards her, "Mother, it's so good to see you." I stepped forward, half expecting her to embrace me, but she did not move.

Her skin was more pale than I had ever seen it, the heavy black drawing any color out of her. She looked at me from behind her veil, "Anastasia, I see you managed to make it back."

"I'm sorry I was late, the train was delayed. But I'm home for now." I took her hand, trying to get some response, "We all should probably get started out." I looked back to Will, trying to catch his eye.

He stepped forward, bowing his head to Mother. "Mrs. Dalian, thank you for coming to ride over with us."

"Us?" Mother's voice was clipped from behind her black veil, which she angrily shoved back. "What does he mean, us?"

I stepped back. "Will is going to escort me to the funeral."

"I'm your mother, that's all the escort you need."

"Please Mother, he only wants to support us through this."

"Anastasia, do you think his presence will go unnoticed?" Mother drew her hat off at this point, waving it in emphasis. "The reporters will already be crawling around, and to have an escort, not of the family or our friends, will only bring more scandal onto us. And onto him."

I flinched at that. "I understand Mother, but he offered and I would not want to spurn him."

"If you were engaged it might be permissible, as it is, it is simply too much for a funeral." Mother stalked to the window, taking in the black carriage waiting in the bright spring sun. "I am sorry Mr. Murdoch, but I must insist that you remain here."

"Mother, please. Don't be like this, not today." I sniffed angrily, rubbing at my nose with the black trimmed handkerchief I had pulled from a pocket. I looked over to Will, and I had no doubt my desperation was writ plain on my face. I would be bidding a final goodbye to Father today, to only have Mother by me would be torture, a reminder that we were all that was left.

Will cleared his throat. "Mrs. Dalian, please let me speak for a moment." He waited until Mother had looked aside at him and nodded before he continued. "I recognize that my presence will draw attention, and that as far as the papers know, I am only a guest of your daughter's." He tactfully left out what some of the papers had been saying, that I had taken not only him but the other officers to my bed, that we engaged in drunken revelries all hours of the night. Will reached out and gently took my hand, "But I have come to love your daughter, and once this business is settled and I am working once again, I intend to propose." I squeezed his hand tightly at that, feeling a blush break out "So would it not be better for these reporters to see me by her side from the start? So that when we marry it is not such a scandal?"

Mother turned around then, her face drawn. "You want to marry her?"

"When I can offer her some support, yes."

"And where do you intend to find employment, Mr. Murdoch? Will you be continuing with White Star after all this?"

I flinched at her harsh tone, but Will kept calm. "If they will still have me, then yes. If not, I will seek employment with other lines."

"And if they will not have you?"

"I shall seek any employment that I can, even if it is merely as a stoker on a cargo ship." Will's voice had grown bitter, "I do not intend to marry your daughter as a beggar."

I looked to him, "I am sure that we can employ you, Will."

"I can find my own way." He shook his head, "But I do not intend to take my time about it. Mrs. Dalian, please let me at least escort Ana to the funeral." He lifted my hand, kissing the knuckles. "I want to be there for her."

The silence between the three of us seemed to stretch on endlessly. I could feel Mother looking me up and down, her eyes lingering on where Will held my hand. She flicked her eyes to his face, "You may come, but you will be quiet and respectful."

"Of course," Will bowed his head, "I would not dream of doing anything else."

"And Mr. Murdoch?"

"Yes?"

"If you are serious, I expect there to be an engagement within the year. And a wedding the year after. You have eight months to find some suitable form of employment if you must," Mother placed her hat back on her head, adjusting the veil. "And you will not discount Dalian Shipping from that possibility." Will set his jaw, but he nodded. Mother headed out first, and I gripped Will's hand tightly for a moment before letting it go.

I turned to him before I pulled my veil down, "Will, you could work for us. It would not be that big an issue, plenty of people employ friends and family."

"I don't want you to be my source of income." He wouldn't meet my eyes, "I want to be able to provide for you, and not with your own money that you've paid me."

I settled the veil, then stepped up to him, wrapping my hands in his lapels as I straightened them. "If we do marry Will-"

"Not if, Ana." He stared at me through my veil, "When."

"When then," My heart was in my throat, "When we marry, you will be a part of the family, and the family is involved in the business."

"I'm not made to be some paper pusher, Ana." He gently pried my fingers from his suit, "I'm a sailor."

"I know," I brought my hand up to brush against his cheek, "I wouldn't want it any other way." I could hear the horses stamping in their traces, and Will quickly took my arm. We settled across from Mother in the carriage, the black curtains drawn against the light. It was quiet as the horses set out, and only the sounds of the city made their way in. I wish I could have thought about something to say, but it felt wrong. Everything felt wrong. The day was bright and warm, the people on the street enjoying the sun after the blustery days of last week. Even getting to the church felt wrong, Reverend Johnson waiting on the steps to greet us and usher us inside. Will was sent to a seat up front, while Mother and I remained at the front to greet the arriving guests. I studiously avoided looking at the gleaming wooden casket at the front of the church, surrounded by massive displays of white flowers.

"Thank you for coming," I seemed to repeat endlessly as what seemed to be hundreds of people crowded in. I recognized a few, Abraham and Morgan the most prominent among them, but it was a massive crowd of black clad people that stared at us from the pews when the doors had finally been closed and Mother and I made our way to the front. I barely paid attention as the Reverend spoke first, reading several verses about death and life and expounding upon them. I couldn't even bring myself to sing when we all stood, for if I opened my mouth I knew I would begin sobbing. Will kept hold of my hand the entire time, as Father's friends came forward to share stories about their time with him. Abe spoke, with a great many pauses to collect himself, about how Father and he had almost come up through the company together. He had been a junior officer when Grandfather had decided to pack Father onto a ship for a year in order to get him familiar with the workings of the company. How they had ventured all over the world on this trip, and he had found Father stoking an engine after a fireman took sick.

Eventually though, it was my turn to speak. I rose and unsteadily walked to the pulpit, thankful for its support as I grabbed onto the sides. My scribbled notes I set on the podium of it, and I glanced down to them. The garbled writing seemed meaningless, and I looked out to the crowd. They were all here because they had loved Father, they had spoken so kindly about him, were weeping over him, and I could say nothing. I looked over to Will, who had taken Mother's hand since I had left. Mother, her eyes red, clasped it tightly. I felt my lips tremble, but I saw them both nod to me, a confidence they had in me. A confidence that I lacked. I could do this, but I would do it for them. Sharing Father with them wouldn't mean losing him.

I drew in a shaky breath through my nose, then spoke. "Thank you all for coming today." I heard my voice warble, and gave up trying to keep it level. "You were all friend's of my Father, of Gareth, and have spoken so eloquently about what he meant to you. But only I can speak about what he meant as a father." I felt a tear trickle down from eye, "He was everything to me, I never knew a day where I didn't see him or hear from him. Every time he left he would wire back each night, telling us about what had gone on and that he loved us. He taught me to dance a polka when I was little, how to ride a horse. He was my father, and I loved him. And now he's gone. And I don't know what to do."

My voice caught, and I pulled my handkerchief out to cover the sob that wrenched its way out of my throat. "But I know he wouldn't want me to spend all my time mourning him." I blinked, tears sticking to my eyelashes. "He would want me to remember the better times with him, rather than the end." I wiped at my eyes, taking a moment to gather myself. "And so that is what I will do, and I would ask the same of you. Let us use this moment to mourn my father, to mourn Gareth Dalian, and bid him farewell. But tonight, I would ask you all to raise a glass to him and to share a story of your time with him, rather than focus on the fact that he is gone." I turned to the coffin then, reminding myself that it was empty, that it was nothing but a wooden box. "But he was my father, and I loved him. And I am going to miss him so much."

I fell apart then, collapsing against the pulpit but managing to keep my sobs quiet. The Reverend proved himself a good man, taking me and guiding me back over to my seat. Will took one hand, Mother took the other, so that three of us were together. But all I could do was cry and let them hold me, and hold them as tightly as I could. I couldn't even think, all I could do was feel the loss of Father, the hole in my life where he had been. I heard the Reverend give some closing remarks, thanking the guests for coming, but I did not care. All I cared about were the two people holding onto me, the people I cared the most about.

I managed to collect myself as the pallbearers took the casket out and the guests filed out of the pews on their way home, I still crying but able to move as we stood and followed. A hearse had drawn up outside, and it led the procession of carriages as we made our way to the graveyard. It was a small group, only the hearse, the carriage with the pallbearers and our carriage rolling along the brick path through the gates of the graveyard. It was a beautiful little place, more like a park than a gloomy field. Only the tombstones, and the occasional statue of an angel, gave away its true purpose. Our family had a small section of the graveyard set aside, marked by a wrought iron fence and a gate with our name above it. It had been a popular trend when Grandfather bought it, and he and Grandmother had been the only plots in it.

Until now.

I clutched at Will's hand as I watched the pallbearers move the coffin through the gate, but when I stood to leave he didn't move. I looked back, but he shook his head. "This is your duty, not mine."

"He is right, we are his family. We should bury him." Mother spoke quietly, and stepped out. I let her take my hand, grasping her tightly as we moved forward. Mother drew me on, and I was suddenly staring at the empty grave, the casket held on ropes as Reverend Johnson intoned the classic lines about ashes to ashes and dust to dust. With his nod the pallbearers set to lowering it, letting the ropes out slowly.

I spoke quietly as it was lowered, more for my benefit. "He's not there, he's out in the ocean that he loved."

"Yes," Mother was quiet, "It does not make it easier though."

The dirt spattered across the lid, covering my voice. "A steward found me on the Carpathia, he had a message from Father." Her veil stirred in a slight breeze, but she remained still. "He said Father knew about his condition, that he stayed back because he wanted to be himself at the end. That he loved us and would miss us."

A small sob escaped, "I don't know how to go on without him."

"One moment at a time," I sniffed, "And then an hour at a time, and then a day. We can't look back or we'll be lost." The grave had been filled enough that we no longer heard the hollow thump of it hitting the coffin. "He wouldn't want that." I watched as the dirt slowly rose, until the grave had been filled, the gravedigger and Reverend gone, and it was only the two of us. I didn't even try to read the stone, knowing that all it would make me think was that he was gone, that he had left a widow and a grieving daughter behind who felt lost without him. That my life now seemed to split in two, the time before Titanic, and the time after. A time filled with my family, the fights and fun times that we had, a time where I found the man that I loved and spent a few wonderful days together. And then a time when my family was sundered, and I was lost in the world, with only Will and Mother by me now. And I had no idea what was to come.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mother bring a handkerchief up under her veil, "Your Mr. Murdoch, do you love him?"

"Yes," I said simply. "I do." That was the one thing about this part of my life I was sure of, that I loved Will, just as I loved Mother. I didn't know what would happen, if my future would be a happy one, but I knew that I loved them.

"Then do not let him wait for too long." Mother pulled her veil aside, her face shining with tears. "For I want a grandchild before I join your father, I want to know that our family will continue and that you will have a future."

Chapter Text

The night after the funeral was the worst I'd had, I could not seem to stop crying. All my vows to be stronger than my grief had vanished, and I was swimming in it. Drowning in grief, my mind latched onto the fact that Father really was gone. I had ignored it for so long and now it was all I could think about. I could only thank God that Will was there, holding me throughout the night and softly speaking to me in the gloom of the room. "Ana, you really need to get some rest."

"I know Will," I couldn't help but blubber against his chest, "It's just-"

"Shh, I know." He murmured, his hand slowly stroking along my back. He was good to me that night, letting me cry my heart out against him and holding me close throughout the night. I was still exhausted when we made our way back to the train station late that morning, and fell asleep almost immediately in the car. The return trip was far faster, and we actually managed to have dinner with the other officers at the hotel. It was good to hear them talk, a distraction from the grief that had consumed me. I was glad to turn my mind to listening to their stories. They had spent the weekend visiting the museums, which had lacked a flying machine. But they had plenty of fossils and stuffed animals to view, along with General Sickles' leg.

Charles grinned after describing the shattered bones preserved and mounted for display, "One of the museum lads said the General was mad they didn't display his foot with it!" The whole table laughed at that, and I tried to keep the happy mood later in my room. I expected the grief to come for me again, but I just felt empty. Perhaps I was done, I wouldn't cry anymore or have nightmares about what had happened. The night actually passed peacefully and I was up early enough to arrange for a large breakfast before heading off to the inquiry. Feeling full, and relatively stable, I was expecting another long day of questioning. Stuck in the gallery it was rather long, and I had relatively few chances to leave the wooden chair, but I perked up towards the end.

"That is all. I think that finishes with the members of the crew and the officers." Senator Smith said, drawing me from the slight doze I had managed. A brief discussion followed, Will was asked to submit the names and addresses of the officers and another senator wanted to ask Boxhall a few questions on his own, but otherwise they were free to go. I shook my head, looking to the clock in the room. It was barely six, I'd come back to Washington and would spend hardly two days here if I could arrange for the car to be readied for tomorrow's train. I stood and made my way out of the gallery, quickly finding Will and the others gathered by a large window. Boxhall was the only one not present, although they assured me he would be along shortly.

I moved closer to Will, "I can't believe we came back for one day."

"We could have stayed in New York and accomplished the same thing." He shook his head, "But it will be nice to not have to worry about having this take up any more of our time."

"Except when we get back to England it's going to happen all over again." Lowe grumbled, "Bloody nuisance."

"Well," I tried to summon a smile, "I can at least see that you have a good time before you return. Dinner at Sherry's, that's a must. And I'll take you all to a photography studio, I'll want pictures of everyone." I started cycling through events, "And if you have enough time before you return perhaps we can take a trip to the opera."

"I thought you didn't like opera." Will chuckled, nodding to Boxhall as he stepped over to us.

"I don't, but if it's something you all would enjoy I can deal with it." I started off with them, making our way out and onto the street. The hotel was relatively close, and while they headed into the restaurant I arranged for the car to be added onto the morning train to New York. I also made sure to promise the poor conductor a substantial tip, he sounded so frazzled on the telephone. Peggy practically had a fit when I called her and said to have the house ready for all our guests by the afternoon. I was almost anxious for the night to be over with, and actually helped the maid I had summoned pack my trunk so that I could start off immediately in the morning. The other apparently felt the same way, for dawn found us forgoing breakfast to hop into several cabs and trundle off to the station. A few porters were conscripted to carry the trunks to the car, and I thanked the conductor profusely for his help, pressing a small pile of bills into his hand.

I did my best to be cheery as we thundered north, thanking my forethought to have the car stocked with coffee, tea, and a variety of pastries for breakfast. It was a relief to pull into the station and pile into the carriages, our trunks following in a hired truck. We all looked ready to collapse by the time we were back at the house, and I stretched myself out in a chair in the parlor, glad to be sitting in a chair I owned for the first time in awhile. I had just closed my eyes when I heard the door open, and I lifted one lid. Peggy was standing there, a tall thin man in a Dalian Shipping uniform behind her. She stepped in, "Miss Dalian, Captain Richards is here. From Southampton. He got in Sunday afternoon, I sent word to send him from the offices when you called."

I stood, feet protesting. "Captain Richards, a pleasure to see you."

Captain Richards was a short man, but made up for it with an impressive mustache."And you Miss, I'm sorry about your father." He held out a small package, wrapped in brown paper. "I brought it just like you asked, haven't let it out of my sight."

I looked dumbly down at the package, my mind blank for a moment. Oh, of course. Will's photo of Ada. I gingerly took it, "Thank you Captain Richards, Peggy please see that he gets something out of my purse." I held it close to me, "I'm sure I'll see you around the offices, Captain."

"You're taking over then, Miss?"

"I will know for sure tomorrow, after the will is read. Even if not though, I am a Dalian, and you can't keep us from our business." I smiled, nodding farewell to him as he walked out, and immediately fell back into the chair. I had just set the photograph aside when the door opened again. At least this time it was Will, coming to sit in the chair next to mine. I gestured toward the photograph, "This arrived for you."

He held up an envelope, the White Star banner on it. "As did this. We're to leave on the third."

I sat straight up, "That's Friday! Only two full days before you go?"

"Yes, it wasn't what I was hoping for either." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "What's this?" He picked at the packing string on the photograph, eventually the paper fell away. The small photograph was held in a plain frame, and I caught a glimpse of Ada before he clutched it tightly to him. She looked to be a strong woman, her hair piled high and her eyes clear. Will's voice broke, "Oh God, Ada."

"She was beautiful," I moved over to kneel by his chair, placing my hand on his arm.

"She was smart, and kind. She was a schoolteacher." He stared down at the picture, "I loved her, oh God Ana, I loved her so much."

I squeezed his arm, "I know Will, you seem to love strongly when you do."

"I don't want you-"

"Will, I'm not jealous." I shook my head, smiling. "I'm just glad to return this to you."

"I'm going to put this in my trunk," He stood, moving for the parlor door. "There's no point to unpacking."

"No," I sighed, watching him leave. "There isn't."

The ride the next day over the Fifth Avenue house was more lively than the previous train rides had been. For one, I finally had Will next to me, his arm around my waist and his lips on my ear in the darkened carriage, the curtains drawn against any nosy onlookers. "God Ana, such a short time and I already dread having to leave you."

I gripped his hand tightly, "I know, I don't want it to end either."

"It had to, eventually." Will breathed heavily, flicking a curtain aside. "We're here." It had been decided to use the Fifth Avenue house for the will reading, the large reception room on the third floor set aside. I had forgotten how formal this house was run, a footman and a maid meeting Will and I at the door.

"Miss Dalian," The footman said as the maid took our hats and coats, "Mr. Murdoch. Mrs. Dalian is in the reception room. Would you care for something before the reading?"

I looked to Will, then shook my head. "We will be fine." I set off with Will down the marble tiled hallways, the shining oak walls trapping the echoes of our footsteps. As soon as we were past the staff I took Will's hand. It was rather fun to watch him marvel as we made our way past dining rooms and ballrooms, the furniture all covered in dust cloths and the curtains drawn against the light. Artworks from across Europe studded the walls, especially the staircase that I drew Will up.

"I see what you mean about the other house being humble." He said, staring at a massive Titian reproduction that took up an entire wall.

"Yes, it's more to impress the visitors than house us." I chuckled, "We only open it up for the season."

"Will your mother be coming back to the other house?"

"I don't know," I said, "I'll have to ask." I stopped in front of a pair of opened doors. The reception room was large and well lit, the bank of windows along one side looking out onto the traffic below. Potted palms had been moved up, and a number of flower arrangements draped themselves over side tables and crystal vases. A large table had been set aside, and I recognized our family lawyer and a clerk bustling around it. Mother was sitting in a settee across from them, sipping from a china cup. It had only been a few days since the funeral, but she looked better. There was some color to her cheeks, and she actually turned when she heard us enter. I smiled, "Mother, you're looking well."

"Anastasia, Mr. Murdoch." She said Will's name with a little frigidity. "Please, sit." We quickly sat across from her, and I began to make a cup of tea for Will. I had noticed how he took it the other day, a little cream and sugar. I made it similarly for myself, glad for the sweetness. Mother always did love strong tea. When I settled back into my chair she looked over, "I hadn't thought Mr. Murdoch would be joining us today."

"They have been called back to Britain." I sipped at my cup, "Since they leave the day after tomorrow, I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could, before he is gone."

"And you, Mr. Murdoch?"

"I am always glad to escort Ana where she needs to be." Will took a healthy swallow of tea.

"Ana?" Mother raised an eyebrow at me, "My, Anastasia really has ensnared you." I blushed, looking down to my lap. My embarrassment was quickly forgotten though as more guests began to arrive. Morgan Fields, her swaying black hair loose down her back, quickly joined us. Mother actually took her hand, pulling her to a chair next to her. "Morgan, have you met Mr. Murdoch?"

Morgan, blue eyes flashing, turned. "I have not had the pleasure, but I have heard much about you." Will gently took her hand, and Morgan laughed. "Oh, Mr. Murdoch you should hear Ruth talk about you sometimes."

"Morgan, did Abraham leave already?" Mother set her cup down, "I had thought to see him here."

"Yes, they left yesterday." Morgan sighed, "The lawyers sent a clerk around, I'm needed to represent Abe." Our conversation fell by the wayside as even more people began to arrive. Condolences were duly offered and accepted, and the guests either did not know Will or were kind enough to not speak of what they did know of him. Maids circulated with tray of food and drink, but you could feel the anticipation in the air. The attention was fixed on a slight man, Mr. Ashby, fiddling with a pair of glasses at the table he had commandeered.

"If you will all sit?" He asked, "I am ready." The guests quickly found places to either sit or stand out of the way, what little conversation there had been silenced. "I will now read the will." He began, going through the opening statements. The will began slowly, much of the legal language almost unintelligible. The first bequeaths mentioned were payments to various servants, who stepped forward and received them in envelopes from the clerk. The next section was items left to friends, all of them assembled before hand. Morgan, standing in for Abe, received a set of gilded nautical instruments that Father had received as a gift at some point. The items passed out ranged from a hat someone had once admired to a penknife from Japan that Father had gotten on his first trip there. It seemed most of the guests received something during that time, but the main section had still not been read.

The lawyer turned a page, reading slowly. "As for my controlling shares of Dalian Shipping and the various businesses contained therein, I leave them equally to my wife, Ruth, and daughter, Anastasia, to manage between them. I know they will perform as well as anyone could, if not better. For my financial estate, $70 million at the time of writing, again it will be split equally between my wife and daughter. For my real estate, again, equally split between my wife and daughter. Any personal items not listed above are to be given to them to do with as they see fit." I felt Will's hand grip mine tightly, and my mind was swimming. Half of the company was mine, half of our fortune. I wasn't just an heiress, counting on my parents to cover my expenses.

I was rich.

The lawyer read off some more legal language, confirming that we were eligible to inherit all of the bequest. He adjusted his glasses as he read the last lines. "Please give them all my love, I know they will continue on and do great things. My only regret is that I will not be able to see it." The lawyer placed the papers down. "That is the end of it then." The crowd swirled around our chairs, stepping forward to offer congratulations instead of condolences now. I barely recognized them as they came up, my head spinning. I had assumed Father would take care of us in the will, but to leave us everything. To trust us with the company. I couldn't say how long I sat there in a daze, but eventually the parlor had cleared out except for the staff that was beginning to clean.

"Anastasia, how are we to do this?" Mother was quiet, moving towards the door back out to the hallway and out of the room.

I gestured for Will to stay, "I can start learning how to manage the business, Mr. Keller should be glad to have some help in the offices."

"Yes," We had emerged into the well lit hallway, looking down on Fifth Avenue. "Can you do that and manage the dock house? And your social obligations when you are back out?"

"Father managed it," I caught sight of a few fashionable ladies moving down the street, "I can. What about you? How will you go forward?"

Mother had stopped to look at the ladies too, "I will be staying here, you are old enough to have your own house. I will look in on the business to determine how you are getting on, and you should not hesitate to ask for my assistance."

"Of course not Mother, I will." I nodded, "I hope that I will be able to please you and manage everything well."

"You have always pleased me," She gently brushed the back of her hand against my cheek, "And as your father said, you will do great things." She brought her hand back, "But for now, enjoy your time with Mr. Murdoch, and do try not to strike Zachary Reichster again."

"Mother!" I gasped, "I can assure you he deserved far more than a slap."

She actually smiled, "I can imagine he did my dear, and it's not that I disapprove, but you must keep your temper better. It wouldn't do to have it show up in the papers again, now go collect your sailor. You have such little time left." I kissed her cheek, and got Will from the parlor.

The carriage was waiting, and the coachman gave me a wide grin as he opened the door. "Congratulations Miss, I'm sure everyone back home is just thrilled for you."

I paused with my foot on the step, "You've already called the house, haven't you?"

"Oh no Miss, the butler here did. But we're all pleased as punch." He kept grinning as Will got in, and I quickly drew the curtains.

Will pulled me close, giving me a kiss on the cheek. "You're going to do amazing."

"Will, I can't even believe it. All that money."

"And the business, and the houses." He chuckled, "It's incredible."

"You know Will, tell the others when we get home. I'm taking you all out tonight, Sherry's like I was talking about. And tomorrow I'll get all of our photographs taken," I leaned back into his arms, "And I'll see about getting myself passage to London, to be with you through the British Inquiry."

He tensed, "Ana, I don't want you there."

"Will-"

"No," He moved back from me, "You have all this to manage now, you can't just leave it to chase after me."

"But I want to be with you," I looked him in the eye, searching for some reassurance that wasn't there. "I can manage everything after, I promise."

"No." His voice was firm, "Ana, this has been a wonderful time, but we've never had a day apart. We need to try and relax into a normal courtship." The touch of his hand was gentle as he reached over, "It's not that I don't want to be with you, but we need to learn to manage on our own. Don't you agree?"

I bit the inside of my lip, considering. It was true, ever since Titanic I had had him by my side, the nights in Washington the only time where we hadn't seen each other. Perhaps I was wrapping myself up in him, trying to avoid something. I knew what it was, it had been the same thing I had avoided thinking about since the sinking. The future, a future where I didn't have Will as a rock I could cling to. I sniffed, rubbing at my nose. "I'll miss you."

"And I'll miss you, but we can write to each other. That's something." He put his arm back around me, and I leaned against him. "It will be good practice for when I am out at sea, working." I chuckled, but I still felt sad. I could smile all I wanted, but the thought of Will leaving would sour any mood. Later, sitting in front of my dressing table as I prepared for dinner, I still looked sad even as Peggy dried my hair after my bath. The corners of my mouth drew down, and my eyes looked watery. In a black dress, I'd look like a ghost.

Enough of that, and enough of the mourning. At least for tonight. I stood, moving to my dressing room. Peggy, her drying interrupted, jumped back. "Miss?"

"I'm leaving off mourning for a couple days." I said, throwing open a wardrobe. "I'll put it back on after they leave, but I'm tired of being a crow."

"But you're taking them out to Sherry's!" Peggy sounded as if I had slapped her, "You'll be seen!"

"Then I'll wear some black, but tonight, tonight I want to wear something pretty." I pulled out an emerald silk dress, the rich sheen of the fabric catching the light. "I'll wear black gloves with this, but I'll want my pearls too." I put up with Peggy's lecture as she helped me into the dress, her clucking as she draped my pearls around my neck and used pearl studded pins to dress my hair, and even as she buttoned my shoes on.

Looking at myself in the mirror though, it was worth it. I didn't look like an old crone anymore, I looked elegant and refined, I looked pretty. Will, meeting me at the bottom of the stairs, goggled as he looked at me. I smiled, a long slow one that I drew out, "Why Will, I thought you would be pleased to see me in something other than black."

"Ana, you-" He cut himself off, breathing in. "You won't be able to shut the others up tonight." He chuckled, and we both headed into the carriage. Sherry's was an absolutely massive restaurant, attended by the cream of New York Society who crowded into its multiple floors, its electric chandelier lit ballrooms and gorged themselves on the finest dishes and liquor. I was able to get a table for us in a private room, I could feel the eyes on us as we had walked in. Tonight was about spoiling the officers though, not gracing the headlines.

"Order whatever you like," I spoke lightly as we were sat, "Tonight is all on me."

"Our stay's been on you the whole time, Miss." Moody said, "But I'll be glad to spend some of your inheritance." Luxuriating in the red velvet upholstered chairs, the glittering crystal lights and the carpet so thick on the floor that the waiters glided silently around the table, we set to determining dinner. A variety of dishes were ordered, meat and fish, vegetable and starch, and more drinks were brought round. Lowe, who kept himself from drink, was presented with a wide variety of flavored waters while the rest of us accepted a glass of champagne to start.

Holding his glass, Will stood up. "If you all don't mind, I should like to give a toast." The other grumbled, but it was good-natured and they all held their glasses up. Will looked to me, "To Anastasia, our host in a trying time and a great friend to us all."

"Here, here." They all replied, and I smiled as I sipped at my champagne.

"And to you all," I said, holding my glass up. "Friends made during a tragedy are the strongest of all." The glasses were drained at that, and the night devolved into good food, good drink, and good talk with good friends.

Chapter Text

The photography studio was quite glad to see the crowd I brought in. It was a respectable place I'd heard, with quick and ready service. The photographer greeted us and a few attendants were quickly summoned to assist us. Each of the officers had a bag holding their uniform, I had insisted on wanting formal portraits of them in uniform, and they were quickly led off to a room to don them. I was already well put together in a shirtwaist, waistcoat and walking skirt. The photographer himself led me to the main studio, a large room with a great many props set around a large plain backdrop. There was a bank of electric lights, which an attendant was adjusting as we walked in. The photographer gestured to the canvas backdrop, "We can change that if you like, what were you thinking?"

"Oh, that should be fine." I paced the area, "And we shouldn't need too much, just some chairs."

"You're just wanting a group portrait then?" He barely looked away from his camera as he attended to it.

"A group portrait, individual portraits, and one portrait of myself and one of them." I picked up a wooden chair, moving it over by the backdrop. "And I would like multiple copies of each." The attendant who had been adjusting the lights quickly rounded up some more chairs, and brought over a large plaster column, a plaster planter and a silk plant on top. Another was brought over, giving a formal air to the plain chairs.

"We can handle that ma'am, how soon do you want them?"

"As soon as possible, I can stay to pick them up."

"It'll be an hour or two." He looked over as an attendant walked in, followed by the officers. "Gentlemen, if you'll arrange yourselves for me. Tallest in the back, I'll have the lady in the center chair and then we'll move on to the individual portraits." It took some shuffling, and a muffled curse from Lowe, but eventually we were all arranged. Will had managed to position himself behind me, and I glanced back. He was in his jacket, his cap in his hands and seemed to be concentrating on looking straight ahead. The photographer huddled behind his camera, "Alright, look over here and wait until I tell you it's finished." I pasted a small smile on my face, holding as still as I could. It didn't take ten minutes for the picture to be taken anymore, but it was still long enough that my cheeks were beginning to hurt by the time the photographer spoke again. "Alright, we'll move on to the individual ones now. If I can get you all to head to the waiting room and I'll have you called in one at a time." He barely paid us any mind, instead engaging one attendant in a heated discussion over the location of a box of negatives as another attendant led us off to the waiting room.

I took a glass of water from a tray that had been set out on a side table, glad for the drink. It had been rather hot underneath all those lights. The officers all seemed to have the same thought, taking their own glasses and drinking greedily. Pitman downed his in one go, "All this wool under those lights, enough to make you sweat."

"Not exactly comfortable there, Herbert?" Charles chuckled, "Poor Moody got the first solo picture, better leave some for him." We took advantage of the variety of chairs around the room, and fell into conversation. They were all looking forward to returning home it seemed. Charles quickly tried to cover, "Not that we haven't been thankful for your hospitality here Anastasia, but I'd like to see my wife before I ship out again."

"I understand, 'Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home'." I smiled, "But if you're in New York again, feel free to visit. You all have a standing invitation to any parties I hold. And dinner." They had a laugh at that, the discussion of the excesses of New York society carrying them through the photography sessions as Moody, his jacket decidedly darker under his arms, came back and the rest were cycled through. When it was Will's turn, I followed him through. I stopped by the photographer, "This is the man I would like a picture with."

"Fine, just stay back until I say." He grumbled, "Stand right on the mark sir, turn a little, yes that's it. Now stay still." I couldn't help but grin seeing Will, his pose so stiff and formal as he looked straight at the camera. I rolled my eyes at him, watching as he relaxed a little. He looked more natural, but not quite enough. He didn't fully relax until the picture was finished. The photographer gave a gesture to one of the attendants, who quickly brought a chair over. "Now ma'am, if you'll just sit there and look towards me, lift your chin a bit, there you are. And sir, behind her, place a hand on the back of the chair, just like that."

I looked up to Will, holding his pose rigidly. I reached up and touched the hand on the chair, "Relax Will, it's alright."

"It hotter than the blazes in this," He shifted, "And I wish I still had my frock coat, it would look better than this."

"Then we'll have to get more pictures taken once we've gotten you a replacement." I gave his hand a squeeze, turning back before the photographer could call out at us again. If I had to hazard a guess I would say the man made his money in how quickly he was able to turn around his business, for he had all of us back out in the lobby and was calculating the tab with a speed that astounded me. I turned to the officers, the scratching of pencil on paper constant. "Why don't you all head out, make sure you have everything you need? There's some shops near here, just have them send the tab to the house. I'll wait for the pictures." That was met with a grateful discussion about what they had been missing, and I watched them leave before I turned to the photographer, "I wonder, sir, if you might perhaps allow me to take some photos of a different nature?" The idea had struck me last night, in Will's arms, to send him with something beyond memories. Something to remind him of me, and not just a trinket.

He barely looked up from his till. "For your man?"

His directness struck me, "Yes, for him."

"Let me get Lucy." He turned around, calling for her from the back of the shop before he came back. "Ladies tend to let Lucy do that a fair it easier than me. It's actually quite popular, especially with soldier's wives. I take it you'll want the negatives too?"

I assured him that I did, and Lucy quickly emerged and escorted me back. She was a short woman, with a great cloud of blonde hair that was pinned within an inch of its life to her head. Her manner was very prompt as she led me to an area done up like a bedroom, with a changing screen off to the side. "So, how far down do you want to go?" Fabric was draped behind a chaise, hiding the plain wall, and a camera posed before the chaise.

"I hadn't really thought about it." I blushed, "He's going back to England soon and I just thought to send him with something personal so he didn't forget me."

"Well, we can do a few then. He'll like that." She took me around the changing screen, her fingers flying over the buttons of my dress. It and my petticoat were swiftly flung over the changing screen, my corset loosened and bloomers removed. I was left in my stockings, corset and chemise. I suppose part of me should have been embarrassed, but I'd had maids helping me for so long that it was nothing to be in front of her like this. Lucy drew me out from behind the screen, arranging me on the chaise. The bottom of my chemise was tucked up underneath me with the tops of my thighs showing, while the top was pulled down to reveal the swell of my breasts over the edge of my corset. My legs she said were very important, that both needed to be shown and the black stockings I had worn were perfect. The way she posed me though, that made me blush. My legs were stretched out as far as they could, my hair draped around my face and more of my breasts on display that I had ever had before. Lucy ducked behind the camera and spent a few minutes fiddling with it before she returned. "Alright, for the next one let's keep the stockings only."

"Only my stockings?" I felt my blush deepen, even as Lucy was hustling me towards the screen.

"It'll be a great one, with your hair hanging down your back. Trust me, I've done this hundreds of times for hundreds of ladies." She was so matter of fact about it that I almost felt embarrassed to be embarrassed. If hundreds of other women were posing like this, I should be fine. I still kept an arm crossed over my breasts and one much lower as she walked me through the pose she had in mind. I was to stand with my back to the camera, my hair hanging loose down my back, my shoulders turned just enough to reveal the side of my breast. Lucy looked through the camera for a moment, "If you could just drop your eyes a little, right there." I tried my best to look wanton as she took the picture, as if I revealed my backside every day.

"I think only one more." I said after she had emerged from behind the camera. "There's not much more to show."

"Oh Miss, that's where you're wrong." She laughed, "But if you want to keep something hidden, we can make you look like a painting." She directed me over to the chaise, slipping my stockings off as I sat. I instinctively covered myself, but she drew a length of white fabric from the backdrop, arranging it artfully so that it draped below my waist, hiding myself but allowing almost all of my thighs and belly to be shown.

"Now miss, just let your lips part and put out your hand, like you're inviting him to join you." Lucy stepped back, watching as I stretched out my arm, trying to curl my fingers elegantly. She reached down to adjust them, and brought my other hand up to rest on the side of my head. My hair she let curl down over one shoulder, arranging it over my breast. My arm was beginning to shake slightly when she stepped behind the camera, and I practically ordered it to hold still. This one seemed to take forever, but Lucy eventually came back and helped me dress before showing me back to the waiting room. "I'll have everything ready for you soon Miss, just be patient." I was anxious as I waited, pacing the room. Was it to much? Would Will think me loose and wanton and leave me? Would he pass them around and think me a foolish girl?

This line of thought kept running through my mind even as I rode home, the pictures and negatives safely tucked into an envelope and held close. Had this all been a mistake? No, I had to trust him. He wouldn't pass them around, and given the fact that he was reluctant to show affection to me around the other officers, he wouldn't tell them about it. There were still out shopping by the time I got home, and I headed up to the library, only stopping to grab my stationary and a pen. I would write Will a letter to let him know what I had done, and would place it and the pictures in his bag. That way he would find it when he opened it onboard the ship. Having closed the door, opened the curtains, and composed myself, I began to write.

Will,

I am writing so that you may know how much I care for you. We may have only known each other for a short time, it is hard to believe that in four weeks so much has happened. So much tragedy, but also so much love. For I love you Will, with all my heart and soul. I will wait as long as I must in order to be with you, but I would be with you even if you had nothing. Even if I had nothing, I would be content with you, knowing that in those beautiful blue eyes of yours I would be loved. I know you do not want to propose until you feel that you have settled yourself in some manner that would please me, and please yourself, but all that would please me would be to be yours. If White Star does not keep you on, present yourself at Dalian Shipping's Southampton offices and I will see to everything. Do not think I will make you a captain though, my love. I will merely arrange for a position that would suit you and your skills. And do not think of that as charity. When we marry, I will handle the offices and you shall handle the ships, seeing to everything about them. At least, if that would please you.

Oh Will, I am filled with such fear when I think about the future. I fear that I will be unable to handle the business, I fear that the Reichsters shall redouble their efforts to blacken our names and destroy the business. But mostly I fear for you. I fear that your ship shall not make it Southampton, I fear that you will fall into melancholy when I am not there to comfort you. I fear that something I do over here may disappoint you, and that you shall leave me. But most of all, I fear that you shall forget me over in England, and so I have arranged for a few surprises for you. They are a rather naughty and I ask that you not show them to anyone else. And please do not think that I undertook this easily, I am showing you more of myself than I have every shown anyone. Think of them as a gesture of how much I love you, and how much I desire to be in your thoughts. Please wire me as soon as you are settled in the hotel so I can send letters. Enjoy the pictures, and know that I will be quite angry if I find out you have been showing them to the others.

With all my love,
Your Ana

It needed more. I cast about the library, looking for something. Our poetry collection was rather slim, we were much more given to novels and histories than poetry. But I knew love letters that ended with poetry read better, that it meant more. At least, it did in the romances I had read. Eventually I found a collection of sailing songs, a gift Mother had received from Morgan one year for Christmas. I paged through it, trying to feel something. There were shanties, but those were for work, not love. There were plenty of songs about battles, widows pining for their lost husbands, or ladies waiting for word of their lover. I discarded those. I wanted a happy song, but there were such tragic ones to sort through. I found one though, one that spoke to me. It was not a perfect fit, but it would do. I brought my letter over, copying the some of the lines below my signature, changing them to fit as needed.

I told my loving sailor
My heart, it is in pain
William, when you go
I fear you'll ne'er return again

He holds my heart close
Oh, my jolly sailor bold
My happiness attend him
Wherever he may go

Until I am in his arms
I'll wander, weep and moan
All for my jolly sailor
Until he sails home

My father was a merchant
The truth I now will tell
And in Old New York
In opulence we dwell'd

His fortune was immense
He never did withhold
And he left it to his daughter
Who loves her sailor bold

A fig for my riches
My merchandise and gold
True love has grafted my heart
Give me my sailor bold

Should he return in pov'rty
From o'er the ocean far
To my tender bosom
I'll press my jolly tar

Come all you pretty fair maids
Whoever you may be
Who love a jolly sailor
That plows the raging sea

While up aloft in storm
From me his absence mourn
And firmly pray arrive the day
He's never more to roam

My heart is pierced by Cupid
I disdain all glittering gold
For nothing can console me
But my jolly sailor bold

My tutoring in poetry had proven to me that I would never make money off it, but I felt it was passable. It wasn't overwrought with emotion, and it felt honest. A song about loving a sailor and longing for him to come home, that his safe arrival would be worth more than any treasure. If that wasn't how I felt, I didn't know what was. Setting the letter aside to dry, I turned to the pictures. Each was enclosed in a small fold of cardboard, and I quickly separated them out into copies for the officers, and copies for me to keep. It was strange to see them, frozen in gray, when I had become so used to them around me. The picture of Will and I looked so formal, nothing like the tenderness he showed me when we were alone. The way the corners of his eyes would wrinkle as he smiled, how his hand would brush against mine. And I looked straight ahead, as if I had no care for who was with me. But still, it was something to hold onto when he was gone. I would get it framed, and keep it close. I placed it in my pile of pictures and negatives, turning to the more lascivious ones.

I looked like lust incarnate, my eyes dark and lips parted as I seemed to beg the viewer to join me in my wickedness. My limbs, so wantonly displayed, seemed to go on forever and it made me blush to see my breasts so openly displayed. Hardly anything was hidden, the soft drape of fabric the only thing keeping the crux of my thighs from the viewer. Lucy had been right, Will wouldn't be able to forget these. I hastily closed the cardboard, my cheek burning, and slipped both the letter and the pictures into an envelope. On the envelope itself I wrote, William Murdoch, Open on Your First Night Away. Taking the envelope, I made my way down to Will's room. His trunk was still there, his bag on top. Sliding my hands over the black leather of his bag, I placed it underneath some of his clothing.

It all seemed so final now, he'd be gone by this time tomorrow. Not even a week since I buried Father and Will would be leaving. For the first time since the sinking, I wouldn't have him to lean on, I would have to be strong and continue on my own. To say that I was unafraid of that would have been a lie, I was terrified. Terrified that I would cause some incident that would lead to the company dissolving, terrified that I might go mad on my own. But most of all, I was terrified that I would disappoint everyone. That Mother would be ashamed of me, that Will would cast me aside because I had failed in some way. I could live without being the best in my business, but to fail everyone was something I could not live with.

I was still caught up in my thoughts when Peggy entered, a pair of footmen behind her. "Oh, Miss Anastasia. What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry Peggy, I was leaving a letter for Will." I stood from where I had sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm afraid I just got caught up."

"Oh, that's alright Miss." Peggy gestured to the trunk, "You two, take that out and load it in the truck for tomorrow morning." They quickly bent themselves to the task, easily maneuvering the large trunk out the door and down the stairs. Peggy watched them leave before she turned to me, "Will Mr. Murdoch be joining you tonight?"

I couldn't detect any judgement in her voice, and answered honestly. "Yes, he will."

"I will have dinner sent up to your sitting room then, the others decided to go out for dinner." She headed back out, her skirt trailing behind her a moment before it flipped around the corner. I moved across the hall to my sitting room, trying to find something to occupy myself with. A book failed to distract me, and eventually I picked up a piece of embroidery I had been working on before we had left for Europe. I discarded my waistcoat, I usually had to contort myself quite a bit when I sewed, changing my position as I changed my place on the fabric and the embroidery work. It was a peacock, the tail picked out in blue and green silk as it curled over the back of the bird. I set myself to it, only looking up when the door opened. It was only a maid with a large tray though, plates and cutlery outside of a large covered dish. She bobbed a curtsy before heading out.

I had just begun to start on the eye of one of the tail feathers when the door opened again. Will, back out of uniform, stepped in with a smile, pulling his jacket off and draping it over a chair. "I'm sorry I'm late, Charles had us running all over town. And then they wanted to head out for one more night, and I had to at least have a drink with them."

I put my sewing aside, "Oh, it's fine. Dinner only came up a little while ago." Standing, I began to serve. Our cook had sent up a hearty meal, beef steaks and vegetables roasted in its juices and rolls with fresh butter. I tried to keep myself positive as we ate, listening to him talk about Charles desperately searching for something to bring his wife. Apparently nothing had quite satisfied him, so he had decided to replace quality with quantity.

Will, wiping up a bit of juice from his plate with a roll, chuckled, "He probably has more packed for her than for him."

"I'm sure she'll be happy just to have him home." I tried to keep my voice even, "It's been so long, she must miss him terribly."

"Yes, she must." His voice was quiet, and I shifted as he joined me on the settee. "We all miss our families." His arm snaked around my waist, "But I will miss you, over there. You know that, right?"

"Yes," I leaned into his touch, "But it will just be so strange, to have you gone."

"You will manage. I am sure there is much to do with the business and you can always write to me."

"I would much rather be with you." I said, turning to him. "A letter cannot hold me, cannot kiss me." He took me into his arms, drawing me close. "I can't manage without you." I was tearing up by now, my face pressed to his shoulder. "You make me steady, you keep me from thinking about all that I saw and what I must do. Please, let me come with you to England."

He kissed my cheek, his fingers in my hair. "Shh, we need to learn to be apart, if only for a little while. And the papers would savage you further."

"I would keep away from reporters, as long as I could be with you. I wouldn't suffer from that."

"You would, the British rags would be much less forgiving. And I would not have them writing that I have you following me like a dog." He gently pulled me from his shoulder, holding my eyes with his. "I will come back, I promise."

I kissed him then, and I felt his hands drop to my waist and pull me tight against him. I was inexperienced in this type of intense kiss, the train was the first one where I had felt this desire flare up, but I was game to try anything he wanted. When I felt his tongue upon my lips I opened my mouth, searching out his lips with my own tongue. Our breathing grew heavy, our hands desperate to hold the other as close as we could. I felt hot, and wanted nothing more than to shed my clothes. I wanted to feel him, beneath his shirt, feel his skin under my hands. I shifted myself, straddling him and settling onto his thighs. Something against my leg, part of him, was growing hot and hard against me. I tugged at his waistcoat, fumbling with the buttons. He broke off then, his hands stilling mine. "Ana, we can't."

I was fairly panting by then. "You're leaving, I can't do this without you and I just, I just want-" I shook his hands away, finally getting the damn waistcoat open and working on the shirt. "I want you, Will." I heard him saying something, but I pushed it away in my mind, tearing at the buttons of his shirt. They opened, revealing him to me. He was pale, without the bulging muscles you saw on some men, and a smattering of hair. I let my hands wander up from his waist to his chest, tracing the ropy muscles I felt underneath, placing kisses along his neck and winding my hands around to grasp at his back. His muscles twitched under my fingers, and I let my nails drag down his back to his waist. "I want you Will, please, please, just before you leave, just take me."

"Ana, you have no idea how much I want you, but..." His voice was deep, and I felt one of his hands slide up to cup at my breast. His hand felt strong, and his touch was driving me mad, but I could only feel the pressure of it, not him. I cursed the corset I was wearing, and tore at my shirtwaist until it hung open. His fingers moved to actually touch my breast where it rose above the corset, calloused fingers slipping beneath my chemise, and it was like fire against my skin. I leaned into that touch, hearing myself keep begging, begging for him to just let go of his damn honor for one night. His hands dropped, unhooking the busk and opening the corset. I tugged my shirt off, discarding the corset and slipping my arms out of my chemise so it fell to my waist. His eyes grew wide as he saw my breasts, his hands rising to cup them. I could feel my nipples grow hard against the palms of his hands, and I brought my own hands up to cover his, urging him to hold them tighter.

I shifted myself on his lap, hearing him hiss as I moved against the hardness pressing against me. I moved again, hearing him actually moan and the hand on my breast grew tighter. I kept at it, the friction between us pleasing for him obviously, and I felt a heat beginning below my waist that flared when I moved against him. Will's eyes were dark, and he grabbed at my hips, his fingers digging into them as he lowered his mouth to my breasts. I couldn't help the moan that ripped from me, like all my breath had been pulled out at once as his lips closed around my nipple. He sucked gently at it, and when his teeth grazed my skin I clutched his head tight to my breast, my head thrown back. "Oh God, Will, yes!"

I kept my hands clasped around his head, tracing my fingers through his hair as he continued to suckle at my breasts. The feeling of his lips, the firmness of his teeth and the way he moved his tongue, swirling it around and sucking, drove me to madness. I felt hot, a warmth in me building and refusing to cool, desperate for something, something between my legs. Will's hands began moving my hips in a rhythm that stoked the heat in me, driving me further against the hardness of him and my breath growing ragged as I let loose another moan, beyond words and reduced only to mere sounds. He looked up from my breasts for a moment, his eyes dark and his voice harsh, and the Scottish brogue in it thick, as he spoke. "God, you're being such a good girl for me, aren't you Ana?"

I dropped my lips back to his, moving against him still. The heat was building in my belly, a clenching that felt so good I was chasing it, flaring when I was pressed tightly to him, and burning when I moved against him. I could feel him moving beneath me, the motion driving me wild with want. All I wanted was him, to feel his touch and his breath on my cheek. To have him on top of me again, but with nothing between us. His touch was fire against my skin, and I wanted to burn. For tomorrow he would be gone and I would be alone. His hand tightened on my waist, his lips dropping to my the underside of my jaw and moving slowly down my neck, sucking at my skin. I moaned as I felt him kiss his way back up my neck, the hand on my breast gently kneading it as he did. "I'll be good, I promise Will, but please. Please Will, I need you." I sounded desperate, and I did not care. I was desperate, desperate for his touch, for him to not stop rutting against me and for the feeling building inside me to continue. The pressure that was building up, the way my muscles would flutter and I moved faster, begging for some kind of release that had to be close. The thought of tomorrow, of him leaving, terrified me. But if I could have him, if he could have me, even for one night, I could bear it. I tried to press myself against him even further, my hand straying down to his waist, and beginning to drift to the hardness between his legs before he stopped me, his hands grabbing mine tightly. He pulled himself away, his breath heavy and harsh. I could feel tears on my cheeks, "Will, just take me. Before you leave, please. I want you. I'm so scared, just, just take me and I'll be good until you come back, I promise."

I tried to pull my hand away to continue my investigation below his belt, but his grip was firm. Gently he pressed me back, bringing his head to rest on mine, our eyes barely apart. For a moment all I could hear was our ragged breathing, and the beating of my heart. My blood was rushing in my ears, and I moaned at the loss of his touch on my breast. I felt so hot, and the parts of me pressed against him begged for more movement, a twitching in my hips that I was unable to stop. Will gently ran his thumb across my bottom lip, "I know Ana, love. I want it too, God you don't know how much I want you right now, but I will not dishonor you. I lost myself for a moment, forgive me."

"Will, you stupid man. I won't forgive you for this, this is everything I want." I kissed him again but I could feel the restraint in him. "Will, I love you. Please, let me do this for you. Do this for me. Just, please, before you leave."

He brought his hand up, brushing my cheek before curling around my head. "And I love you Ana, but I will not take advantage of you like this. You are scared, and desperate. I would be worse than Reichster if I were to use that to take you to bed."

"I want it though!" I cried, "I want you, if I can just have you for one night, one single night, it'll be enough."

"And if I leave you pregnant?" He placed a hand on my stomach, and I twitched at the feeling of his work roughened hand on the smooth skin. It was not unpleasant. "If I left you for months, in mourning, with a bastard in your belly? No Ana, I will not take that risk. You cannot take that risk."

My confidence wilted in me, "Will, please. I just, I can't." The tears came then, in a flood that left any thoughts of him ravishing me behind. I didn't want him to leave, to get on a ship and go back to England while I would be here, alone. It had been bad enough in Washington, when it was only the nights where I was alone. Now it would be all the time, until the British inquiry was finished. I had no idea how long it would be until he held me again, and I didn't want to let him go. He might not even make it to England, what if another sinking happened? I spilled all of this out as I wept on his shoulder, all the fears that had built up within me. He held me close, murmuring that it would not be for long, that he would return and all would be well, tracing his hands along my back as he did.

Sniffing, I wrapped my hands in his shirtfront. "You will still sleep in my bed though? If I promise to behave?"

"Of course, are you going to see me off in the morning? You do not have to." He reached for his discarded jacket, withdrawing his handkerchief and gently mopping up the mess that I am sure was on my face.

I kissed him again. "I will watch until I cannot see the ship." He went back to the other room then, leaving me flushed and frustrated on the settee. I dug my palms into my eyes, swearing I would not cry again. I could not keep crying, I refused to be one of those woman who reacted to every hardship with tears. I went to a basin, splashing some cold water onto my face before drying it on a towel. I looked into my mirror, seeking out what was wrong with me. My face was flushed, my eyes wild, my hair disheveled, and my lips swollen. I could see dark marks on my neck and breasts from his kisses. No wonder Will didn't want me, I looked like a madwoman.

I didn't ring for Peggy, undressing myself. The buttons on my skirt frustrated me, and I angrily kicked at the wall when I lost them once again. I tried to collect myself, drawing in a deep breath. They came easier after that, and I threw both it and my already discarded shirtwaist into the corner. The petticoat I had been wearing joined them, and I found myself left in my chemise, already half off. I tugged it the rest of the way, reaching over to a grab a cloth and dip it in the basin I had brought with me. I scrubbed myself down, doing my best to ignore the part of me, below my waist, that was begging for more movement, for the heat that had been building between Will and I, until I felt clean and calm when I finally pulled my night gown on.

He had already come back by the time I had finished, settled in the bed and his eyes closed. I caught the lights, leaving us in the dark, but I made my way to the bed with a skill born of years knowing the layout of my room. I lay next to him, resting my head on his chest. I could hear him breathe, deep and strong beside me. There was one last thing I wanted, aside from him, before he left. I rose up on my arm, reaching out to gently touch his chest. "Will, what did you talk about that night, with my father?"

I saw his eyes open, a slight glimmer in the light from the windows, and he propped himself up so that he looked me full in the face. "When we had the cigars?"

"Yes." I whispered, suddenly scared for some reason. What if Father had told him that he was just a passing fancy? A shipboard romance that wouldn't last beyond the voyage?

Will paused for a moment, "He wanted to be sure I wasn't just after your money, that I truly had feelings for you." He settled back down, but pulled me over so I rested on his chest again. "He told me how much you meant to him, how much he loved you, how long he and your mother had tried to have children but only had you, and that he would hunt me down to the ends of the earth if I ever did anything to harm you." I felt the sting of tears come, and rubbed my face against his pajamas. "I told him all that I admired about you, your beauty and kindness, and that I would sooner lose everything than to harm you in any way." A mirthless chuckle rumbled out. "Didn't think it would actually be that way though."

"You haven't lost everything, you know." I rose up, kissing his nose lightly. "You still have me."

"And you have me Ana, for as long as you want." He cupped the back of my head, and I leaned into his hand. "Once everything has settled, you'll have me and I'll have you. It will all be well."

"What will we do then, Will?"

"I'll show you my house in Southampton, and we'll visit my family in Scotland."

"And I'll take you to all the best stores in London and deck you out like a dandy." I smiled, "We'll go sailing in Newport, just us."

"And I'll propose." He drew me down to his chest, and I curled up against him.

"We'll have a huge engagement party." I murmured into his ear, "And a wedding to make the other girls jealous."

He turned suddenly, and I was staring up at him as he leaned over me. He was holding himself up on his arms, and I wanted him to drop down, to feel the weight of him on me. I could barely make out his eyes, but he fairly growled as he loomed over me. "And then I will have you, and won't let you leave the bed for a week." I should have felt scared, but instead I felt excited. This was nothing like Zachary caging me in his arms, this was Will and I desperately wanted him to crush me to him as he had before.

I laced my fingers around his shoulders, pulling myself up so that I pressed my breasts to his chest. "If you're trying to scare me, it's not working."

"You should be scared of how you make me feel." He shifted as I ran my cheek along his, the stubble catching against my face. "What I want to do to you. It's not things a man should want to do to a fine lady like you."

I gave a snort as he moved back, turning onto his side. I reached a hand over his shoulder, letting my lips graze his ear. "Maybe I'm not such a fine lady Will, for I want to do a great many things with you."

"When we're married." He grumbled, "How long until you're out of mourning?"

"I'll be in half mourning in July." I flopped onto my back, feeling frustration begin to build in me again. He was right though, he couldn't exactly propose while I was in full mourning Father. Eventually, once I beat the Reichsters back, the papers and society at large could accept an engagement like this. Will had made it fairly clear he wouldn't let me walk down the aisle pregnant as some of the other girls I knew had done, despite how much I desired him. But to have an engagement party when the woman was still in mourning, that was enough to get you cut from the lowest of parties.

I heard Will exhale sharply, "Hell, perhaps it's better for us to have an ocean between us. At least for a month." His arm still curled around me though, and I pressed myself to his side, knowing that it would be the last private moment we had for awhile.

The morning came early, and I woke with it. I did not move, unwilling to leave Will's arms even for a minute. Instead I focused on him, imprinting his features into my memory. I had the photographs of course, but nothing compared to seeing him in person. His brow was furled, eyes moving beneath their lids. I gently brushed my fingers against his cheek, watching his brow smooth and him relax. I can't say how long I watched him, only that it was fully bright when he woke.

I rang for breakfast and a maid to help me dress. It was back to black and veils, but I felt it today. There would be nothing to smile about today, nothing that bright colors could improve. I knew it took some time to eat after dressing, but it seemed that we were back in the carriages and moving to the piers in a minute. Charles and James were sharing the carriage with us, their small baggage piled on top. A truck followed with the trunks, and porters swarmed it as we pulled up to the docks. I let Will hand me out while the coachman got their baggage from the roof. Charles and James, along with the other officers, headed off for the ship while Will hung back.

I looked out at the ship tied up at the dock, the Adriatic. It was smaller, only two funnels in buff and black. But it still felt eerie to see it there, the paint not as bright and shining, but it looked so like the Titanic with them. I am not ashamed to say that I gripped Will's hand tightly. "Please Will, reconsider. Let me come with you." I couldn't help the quaver in my voice, "Or you can stay here, I don't mind."

"No love, you are needed here. And I have to go, you know that." He gently drew me to him. "I will be back before you know it, and soon you will have the business well in hand and I'll find work. It will all be alright."

I pressed my lips to his cheek. "Be safe Will, I placed a letter in your bag. Read it tonight. And," I moved my lips to his ear, "Please, don't have those thoughts again. Not while I'm away from you."

He kissed me properly, and I will admit to clinging to him. I brought my hand up to hold his cheek, and I could feel tears begin to spill. He broke off, bringing his thumb up to wipe them away. "I will, and you need to take care of yourself while I'm gone Ana, for me."

"I will, I promise. I love you, Will."

"And I love you, Ana." He kissed me on the cheek, and taking his bag in hand, made his way down to the pier with the others. I watched them board, then searched the decks to see if I could see him. The ship was so far from our carriage though, and there were so many passengers on the decks, that I could not be sure. I stood still, only jumping slightly when the ship let off her whistle to announce her departure.

I knew others were walking past me, other carriages and autos going past, but I stayed until the ship disappeared from sight.

Until I was alone.

Chapter Text

My days fell into a pattern for the first few weeks. I would rise early in the morning, a maid bringing me breakfast and helping me dress. Then it was off to the offices in the carriage, to learn whatever Mr. Keller decided to impart to me that day. He had started with more contracts for me to review, and he helped me begin to understand how connected Dalian Shipping was around the world, how our clients spanned the globe and needed our ships to do their business. One day he rode with me to the shipyard, and we walked through the latest ship taking shape. Great steel ribs, half plated with their steel skin, rose high above us as we listened to the designer talk about all that went into building and launching a new ship. It felt like my mind was being continually filled each day, the knowledge absorbing overnight and my head ready to be stuffed again the next morning.

If I was not with Mr. Keller, I was with Mrs. Brown. The woman was a whirlwind of activity, she had scheduled her ball for the last Saturday in May, before everyone began to flee up north to Newport for the summer. A location had been found, but flowers needed to be ordered, invitations written, musicians hired and it seemed a thousand other small tasks. I made myself as available as I could, it helped distract me from missing Will. After his departure, I had tried to make myself seen during my involvement in this cause. It had garnered me some small compliments in the columns, and the undercurrent of connecting the officers and I had begun to settle. It was hard to argue that I had been celebrating the sinking with the men behind it when I had publicly cried at my the funeral of my father who had been lost in it and set myself to helping those who had lost everything. The papers had begun to cast about for other bits of gossip, and I was thankful for it. It was one less thing to worry about at the moment.

I had only just returned from helping Mrs. Brown decide between a massive display of delphiniums or a riot of roses for the ball. She had gone with the delphiniums, but had taken hours to decide. And then it had been off to somewhere for lunch, where my mourning dress had made me stand out like a sore thumb. I had just sat down in my dressing room and removed my gloves, thinking how nice it would be to wear a tea gown and try and relax, when Peggy came in with a calling card. "Senator Smith is here for you, Miss."

I sighed. "See him in Peggy and bring some refreshment." She nodded and hurried off. The inquiry had been proceeding even as more of the crew and survivors departed the city. I had stopped attending every meeting, I had only really been going to support Will and the others. That papers had been keeping me well appraised of its goings on, along with all the various rumors and gossip related to it. Once focus of the reporters lately had been allegations against Lady and Sir Duff Gordon that they bribed the sailors not to go back and rescue people from the water. While I could not say for sure if it was accurate, I could easily see the Reichsters going along with such a scheme. I sighed, flexing my hands. They were sore after so much writing at the office and helping address invitations.

I moved myself down to the parlor, cursing the stairs and thinking how nice it would be to install a elevator, and busied myself by tidying it. It wasn't messy, but I wanted to felt like I needed to do something, even if it was just piling up magazines and placing them out of the way. Soon enough Senator Smith came in with the same nervous aide I had met during the inquiry, followed by Peggy with a large tray holding some simple sandwiches and a pitcher of lemonade. I nodded my thanks to her as she left. The aide settled himself at a table, pulling a sheaf of paper, a pen and a small inkstand from his case. I turned my gaze back to the Senator. He looked tired, but his suit was brushed and pressed. He was still standing, looking down at me. "Miss Dalian."

"Senator Smith."

"I wish to convey my deepest condolences on the loss of your father."

"Thank you Senator, but I have a feeling that is not the true purpose of your business here." I nodded to the settee across from my chair. "Sit."

He did, taking a small sandwich and a plate from the tray. "Thank you, and you are right. I am not here for a social call." He swallowed a bite. "I want to determine if Murdoch's trip to secure your family resulted in anything going wrong."

"But you will not call me up in front of the inquiry?" I had sent a telegram to his offices earlier in the week, offering to testify to the character of the officers if it was needed, but I had been declined.

"I will not call up any woman, I would not want to place such a hardship on those delicate women who survived the tragedy. I will attach your statement to the final report as an affidavit that was taken, perhaps read it off during the session tomorrow." His voice was hoarse, and he gulped down a swallow of lemonade.

Suddenly the cheese sandwich in my hand smelled rotten. I put the sandwich back onto a plate and set it down. "I would gladly take the stand to give my testimony. The fact that you would come here and expect me to answer your questions so that you can use them in the inquiry but not allow me to speak at it is unacceptable."

"Please Miss Dalian, be reasonable. I understand you have been through much and I have only a few questions. My aide, Ryan, will write it as we speak, and all you have to do is sign it to attest that it is accurate."

"Then ask them, and I will answer but do not expect more than that." I poured a glass of lemonade and settled back into my chair, mentally preparing myself for an untold amount of questions about minutia.

"How long did Mr. Murdoch spend alerting your family?"

"No more than a few minutes, most of which was spent by him pulling our life belts out for us."

"You did not offer him anything, money or a promise of payment?"

"No."

"Your parents?"

"No." I couldn't help the harshness that leached into my voice. "We barely spoke to him, he was extremely concerned about informing us and returning to the boats as soon as he could."

Smith nodded, rubbing his temple as he looked at me."After getting your life belts out and alerting you what did he do?"

"He went back up to the boat deck to begin the evacuation."

Ryan scribbled quickly at the table, the stilling of his pen a notice to continue. "You had no further contact with him until you brought forward the women and children for his last boat?"

"No, I ran to alert the staff we were traveling with and to retrieve my mothers jewels from the purser."

"Did you tell those you came across to prepare themselves?"

"Yes, and to proceed to the lounge as Mr. Murdoch instructed."

"Had you heard anything about the order for women and children?"

"At that time, no. Once I had my mother's jewels I returned to the lounge where I found my parents. We were then called up on deck and told to go into the boats and that it would be women and children first."

"Was that the exact wording?"

"That I heard. I know the wording has been given as women and children only too." That had come out during the inquiry, a vague order from Captain Smith that was interpreted differently on either side of the ship.

"Did you see the number one boat loaded and launched?"

"Launched yes, loaded no." It had been hard to see anything beyond the crush of people on the deck, the ocean beyond the only thing that was clear.

"With only 12 passengers, correct?"

"I did not count them but it was not very full."

"Why do you believe that is?"

"Mr. Murdoch was begging people to step forward into the boat but none came forward. If I had to hazard a guess I would say that they did not think the damage was as severe as it was or that they would be safer on the ship."

"I thought you said you did not see him again until later?"

"I could hear him sir, pleading with those near him to go into the boat." I almost rolled my eyes, it was obvious he was trying to catch me in a lie and invalidate some portion of Will's testimony.

"And then?"

"A seaman told us to proceed to the port side, that more boats were being launched. There was a sudden rush of people and I became separated from my family."

"So you were alone?"

I sighed, resisting the urge to rub my temples. "Yes, and I could see that some people were confused on how to proceed. I brought them forward to the boats to be put in."

"Is that what you did until you boarded your boat?"

"Yes, Officer Moody asked me to and I brought as many people forward as I could."

"When did Mr. Murdoch notice you?"

"When I called out to him."

"When he had his weapon out, correct?"

"Yes, he had his gun raised."

"Did you feel he would fire it?"

"Only as a last resort to prevent a rush on the boat, he was aiming high above their heads."

"But he did fire it?"

"Yes, but I saw no one fall or cry out. It must have been above the crowd." I bit my tongue, the papers had been having a field day with the use of weapons on board. I was thankful Will was out of the country and did not have to see the columns being written, calling him a murderer and alleging that he gleefully shot at passengers trying to board boats. That had only lasted for a few days, the public preferring the more tragic tales to the violent.

"Did he use the weapon in any other way?"

"He struck at some of the men who were rushing the boat, trying to keep them away so the boat could be safely lowered."

"Please, continue with how you came across Mr. Murdoch again. When was it?"

"Just before the first collapsible on his side had been launched."

"What time?"

"I do not know."

"Once he saw you what did he do?"

"He grabbed me and took me through the what I later learned to be the officer's quarters to the other side of the ship and ordered me into a boat."

"This would be officer Lowe's boat, correct? The one that he had to fire shots from to deter boarders?"

"Yes, they were trying to drag the boat to side of the ship so they could board."

"Was there room for them?"

"No, the boat was packed."

"Did Mr. Lowe aim his weapon at them?"

I could still hear the gunshots, blasted over my head into the dark. "No, he aimed out towards the water. The shots startled the crowd away from the boat and we were let go into the water."

"Once you were in the water how did you proceed?"

"We rowed away from the ship."

"Did you row?"

"Yes."

"Were you asked to?"

"No, I just started rowing."

"Were you facing the ship?"

"Yes, I was."

"Did you see her sink?"

"I could not see much, once her lights went out. She went down by her bow and her stern rose out of the water. I saw two funnels fall, the first and second. Once the lights went out it was hard to see what happened. There was no light." I cut my eyes back to him, "I did not see if she broke up."

"Did you hear people crying out?"

"Yes, a great many of them."

"And did Officer Lowe order the boat back to pick up survivors?"

"Not immediately, we were full and he asked us to pull for some of the other boats so that we could transfer people from our boat to others."

"How long did that take?"

"To get there and move them, maybe an hour or more."

"And they went back for survivors right after?"

"We did, yes. Mr Lowe asked for volunteers to row back and I agreed to."

"So you rowed back to the wreckage?"

"Yes, I had rowed previously. It seemed no great hardship to go back."

"What did you see?"

I stared at the empty fireplace, trying to forget what I had seen. "Bodies, frozen and floating. We checked those who we thought showed some signs of life and pulled those who were still breathing in."

"How many do you estimate you pulled from the wreckage?"

"Three, maybe four. One died in the boat."

"And then?"

"I heard Officer Lightoller and Officer Murdoch calling out to the boat. We then moved towards them, Officer Lowe raising the sail due to the distance. Once we got close enough we helped the men on those boats into ours." I was trying to emulate Will's answers, keeping them short but true.

"But there was not enough space?"

"Yes, the officers and some of the seamen stayed on their overturned boats once we were full. We tied them to our boat and used oars and sail to tow them."

"Was Mr. Murdoch on one of those boats?"

"Yes."

"And he did not try to come aboard your boat?"

"No, he sent all that he could over first. It was only once we reached the main grouping of boats and moved off some of the other men that he was able to board our boat."

"Did he say anything to you when he entered your boat?"

"He said he was glad to see me, that I had come back."

"And you?"

"I said I was glad that he was alive, and that he had saved others." I didn't need to tell the Senator about everything else that had gone on in the boat, how we had practically clung to each other all night. "He was very cold and I set myself to warming him."

"And once all the boats had been gathered to one area?"

"We waited for the Carpathia to arrive."

"And then?"

"You have Mr. Murdoch's testimony about his activities onboard once we were rescued."

"What did you do?"

"I looked for my parents, and found only my mother. We comforted each other for our loss."

"Did Mr. Murdoch find you again?"

"Yes, and that was when I offered him and the other officers our hospitality in New York."

"For what reason?"

"They led us to safety and did as best they could. My family is very experienced with sailors and the goings on of a ship, I thought to offer them a comfortable and quiet place to recuperate." I stood, brushing down my skirt. "Senator Smith, that is all I will say. Thank you for your visit."

"Miss Dalian, if you give me a moment, my aide will have this written into an affidavit for you to sign." He looked over to his aide, who was scribbling away. "Perhaps you could tell me of your business while we wait? I am given to understand that you have inherited it recently."

I sent up a prayer that Ryan would write quicker. "What is it you want to know?"

"Does your company have Marconi operators on all your ships?" Senator Smith seemed completely at ease now, stretching himself out in the settee. "Do you carry passenger?"

"Yes, and yes." I tried to be civil, but it was hard to stop myself from being curt with him. "We have Marconi operators and we carry a small amount of passengers, nothing on the level of the major liners, usually those who make these trips often and don't care for luxury, or the price that comes with it."

"Have you been on them?"

"Yes," I smiled, remembering my short trips with Father. "Nothing across the pond though, just up and down the coast."

"And are you enjoying running the business?"

"I am, but I will admit that I have much to learn." I looked over as I heard Ryan stand. "Are you finished?"

"Yes Miss, if you would come read through it?" He stepped away from the table, letting my peruse what he had written. I made my way through it line by line, it was accurate and concise and I quickly signed my name to it. The quicker I could get these two out, the better. Ryan quickly slid the affidavit into his case, packing up the rest of his items with it.

Smith made his way to the front door, "Miss Dalian, thank you for your time and your answers."

"Senator Smith," I simply nodded as he left, Ryan following in his wake. I couldn't help the massive sigh and the collapse of my usually impeccable posture. That had been unexpected, and unwelcome. I had been trying to keep to myself, but this would no doubt draw attention. I had promised to go to war for Will, to give interviews, but it was daunting. I would have to be willing to relive the sinking, over and over again. I will admit to avoiding it, convincing myself that I was simply building up my strength to deal with it, but I was scared.

The nightmares had not been too bad for the first days after Will had left, but it had been a week and they were returning. I hadn't begun screaming, I had asked Peggy to tell me when I did, but I had woken up with a start and in a cold sweat last night. I had tried to calm myself, rubbing my clammy hands over my arms as I breathed loudly in the dark. It had done little though, for when I closed my eyes the vision of the sinking had returned. Peggy had found me this morning, a empty brandy snifter by me, sprawled on Father's desk and my cheek stuck to a letter from a client.

"Miss, have they left?" Peggy called out, "I'll have the tray cleared if so, and we should get you into a bath."

I shook myself from my thoughts, "Yes, they have Peggy."

"I'll get your bath ready then," Peggy quickly came over, taking me by my hand as she drew me towards the stairs. "My mother, she would always give me a lavender bath when I had trouble sleeping." I shook my head as we began to climb. Peggy, after finding me this morning, had convinced herself that she could find the solution to my nightmares. As she had been getting me ready to head out, she had rattled off her plan for tonight. A hot bath, dosed with lavender flowers and a large bowl of chicken soup, with more lavender flowers bagged and placed in my pillows to soothe my mind while I slept.

"Mmmm," I hummed quietly to myself as I slipped into the hot water. The scent of lavender was redolent, and I slid even further down, my face just slightly above the edge of the water. It was calming, I had to admit that. There had been little recently that was calming, a rush of activity that had given me little time to breathe. I focused on that now, closing my eyes and breathing in the scent of the flowers floating around me, letting my mind wander.

Mr. Keller's lessons brushed by me, as did Mrs. Brown's preparations. What my mind latched on was Will, I had only received a brief telegram from him telling me he had arrived safe and was heading to a hotel in London, but nothing else. I wondered how he had reacted to the pictures, what he thought of them. I had seen, and felt, his desire when I was half naked in his lap, but I was unsure if pictures could cause a similar reaction.

As for me, I could still remember every inch of him. The short brown hair, with its cowlick in the back above his high forehead, and his clear blue eyes. The strength in his work roughened hands, the muscles I had felt under my touch and his own touch on my bare skin. I had tried to replicate the feeling I had felt in his arms, letting my own hands replace his. While it did feel good, it was not the same. I sat up, the cooling water sloughing off around me as I stood and grabbed a towel to dry myself.

In my dressing gown, I sat down at my vanity and began to brush out my hair. I could see the dark circles starting to show beneath my eyes, the slight strain in them. As my fingers began to skillfully braid my hair down my back, I couldn't help but sigh. I was tired, I wanted to sleep and not have the nightmares that had made themselves known once again. I quickly ate the soup Peggy had left out, curling up under the blankets in my bed and praying that her method would work.

It did help, once I added some whiskey.

Chapter Text

The week of the ball had come, and I had to beg off my tutoring under Mr. Keller until after the event. I was so busy with a hundred small tasks to help with the ball, not to mention the last fittings for my dress. Along with the interview that I had arranged with the Times, it was too much to add the mornings at the office. Mother had allowed me the use of the reception room at the Fifth Avenue house for the interview, she had been invited to tea by some society lady who felt like taking sympathy on a widow. Looking around the room, it seemed so different from when the will reading had been held. The flower arrangements had been cleared away, the wood polished and the floors shining in the light from the cleaned glass in the windows.

I made sure everything was perfect before I nodded to the butler to see in the reporter from the Times. The tea and other refreshments had been laid out, and an extra table provided for the reporter's writing paper. The servants had arranged a pair of chairs across from each other over a low table, and I positioned myself so that I could see the door. When he entered, a rather shabbily dressed man, I greeted him happily. "Mr. Roberts, please take a seat."

He nodded, "Miss Dalian, thank you for agreeing to see me."

"Of course, I am only sorry that it took so long." I sat across from him, folding my hands across the black silk of my skirt. "Shall we begin?"

"I won't be quite as formal as Senator Smith," He laughed, pulling out his paper and a pencil. "Perhaps you could just start when you first awoke that night. What did you first notice?"

"That the engines had stopped, I had gotten so used to them that their absence was startling."

"And what was it like when you first heard the ship was sinking? Were you surprised?"

"We all were, you don't expect to hear that when travelling." I tried to remember back to that night. "It was quite a shock to have Mr. Murdoch tell us."

"You've proven yourself quite his defender. We at the Times are glad to hear it, he was very sympathetic during the inquiry. He did all he could, did he ever tell you how they made it to the boat?" I could easily discern the flattery in his words, and the most I could say for the Times was that they had remained impartial in their coverage of the inquiry. None of the papers had leapt to defend any of the crew, let alone the officers

"I believe he answered that during the inquiry."

"Nothing he told you specifically?" His pencil stilled. I had a brief flash of Will's face that night on the Carpathia, when he had told me he had wanted to throw himself into the water but it was only his promise and Charles's diligence that had prevented him.

"No, I'm afraid nothing specific. We did not discuss that night much."

"Now, you rowed back to the wreckage. You didn't want to leave the boat and let a crewman do it?"

"I'm afraid I was in quite a shock that night. I never even considered leaving the boat. I felt I would rather row than sit and wait." I drew in a breath, trying to keep my composure. "Rowing back to the wreckage was no heavy task. It was only in the wreckage that we truly saw the horror of what had happened."

"You saw bodies then?"

"Yes, enough that it seemed to lose all scale. We rowed through the field, checking bodies as we past them for some sign of life."

"But you found some survivors? Do you remember any of them?"

"I could barely see outside of the lights one of the officers held. I remember there was a girl, a young woman really, wrapped in a blanket and handed back. There was an injured man, he died in the boat. I heard him stop breathing. I truly could see little, so I could not tell for sure how many we pulled out of the water."

"You were the one who heard the crew on the capsized boats first, correct?"

I furrowed my brow. "Where did you hear that?"

"I have interviewed some of the other crew, they spoke very highly of you. Said you called out that you heard the others. They also said you never complained about the rowing the whole time. Quite commendable, I could hardly get some of the other women to tell their stories they were so focused on the outrage of having to row a lifeboat."

I couldn't help the blush on my cheeks, praying that Charlie and Byron hadn't reveled the cursing lessons they'd given me. "I did hear them, it was very faint and hard to tell where it was from in the dark. We were able to track them down though, they had drifted quite a ways off from the wreckage."

"Do you remember when you first found the men standing on the boats?"

"Of course, it was a surprise to see them standing in the water. Especially as the swell set the boats to rocking. I was glad to see them though, it was quite upsetting to have pulled so few people from the wreckage."

"And this was when you reunited with Mr. Murdoch?"

"No, I did not see him again until we had brought all the boats back to the others. I do hope that you're not going to make this into some sentimental romance." I let a bit of edge into my voice. "It was not a very romantic time."

Mr. Roberts gave me a bright smile. "Well, I must admit some of our readers are curious. Your defense of him has led to some rumors." He leaned over and made a note on his papers, "If you could dispel some of those rumors, it might be better for you in the long run."

"I could tell you something," I coyly glanced away, "So long as you reported it in the most respectful manner, of course." What would it matter to tell him? Our courtship would have to come out at some point. Perhaps it would be better for me to announce it instead of letting the gossip mills run.

"Miss Dalian, I would never dream of being disrespectful about what you went through." His pencil was poised, "Will you continue?"

I drew in a breath, I could do this. "Mr. Murdoch actually received my father's permission to court me the night before the sinking. He had accompanied me on several promenades during the voyage and I guess you could say we took a fancy to each other. He raised the issue with my father during a dinner we had invited him to, and my father consented."

"So during his time here, would you consider what went on appropriate conduct for a suitor?"

I suddenly wished for my veil, feeling certain that a blush would break out in my cheeks as I remembered Will's hand on my breast and his mouth on my neck as I writhed against him. "Of course, in the entire time that I have known him he has never acted inappropriately. He is the very model of a respectful officer." I felt a twinge in my heart though, two weeks since he had left and only a single telegram telling me he was safe. Not a single letter.

"Then you feel quite strongly for him, and I'm assuming that he must feel the same."

"I am lucky in my suitor, I suppose." A suitor who hadn't sent me a letter since he had left. Who was far away and had left me here. I calmed myself, reminding myself that mail took time. It was over 3,000 miles from New York to London. And no doubt he had plenty of things to attend to. "He is a fine man and I will do all that I can to show that his character is unimpeachable."

"Of course, Miss. You must be very sure of him, especially given you slapped Zachary Reichster over a comment like the one he made." He gave a little chuckle as I blanched. The details of what Zachary said hadn't been written, how did he know? "Don't worry, the society columns have already forgotten about that. And my sources have moved on as well. They're feasting on Lady Duff Gordon now. Have you heard about them bribing the sailors not to go back?"

"Everyone has heard by now." I felt a smile break out, "Did you know the Reichsters were in that boat?"

"Really?" His pencil fairly flew, "We had heard they were on a later boat, not the millionaire's boat."

"No, I can assure you. I saw them lowered down."

"You remember being up on the deck then, could you tell me why you didn't board any of those boats?"

I gripped the fabric of my skirt, racking my mind. "The thought never crossed me to board, they were calling for women and children and those that were there were so frightened. They didn't know anything about ships, while I've been crawling on them since I was a baby. I thought to give them some confidence, showing them that there was nothing to fear by getting in the boats."

"And you let most of the boats get away before you got in, correct?"

"Yes, I witnessed Mr. Murdoch loading his last boat."

"Where he threatened to shoot people trying to rush it?"

"Yes, he did. The sailors were trying to get the boat into the davit and the men were rushing it. If Mr. Murdoch hadn't threatened them they would have thrown the boat overboard and jumped onto it."

"And that was when you pushed forward?"

"Yes, I had gathered a good group of women and children and I pushed forward with them. Mr. Murdoch loaded them into the boats, but was unable to prevent the rush of men that pushed past him. His gun went off, above all our heads. The sudden weight sent the boat down and they were pushing off before the sailors could do anything."

"So Mr. Murdoch got you to a boat, and then you heard Mr. Lowe fire his gun. What was it like when you decided to row back?"

"I wasn't thinking, I just couldn't stay and do nothing."

"Can you tell me what the wreckage was like?" He glanced over, and must have felt chagrined when he saw my face. "Never mind, enough of that. Everyone has seen the affidavit you filed. What did you think of the inquiry?"

I sipped at a glass of lemonade. "I found Senator Smith to be woefully ill equipped to deal with the issues brought up, someone more experienced with maritime matters should have been put in charge."

"I think you'll find that a common opinion." Mr. Roberts chuckled, "Sniveling Smith, I think they're calling him."

"Rather apt," I smirked, "Is there anything else you'd care to ask me?"

"Mrs. Brown's ball on Saturday, will you be attending?"

"Well, I am in mourning." I demurred, "But it would not be right for me to stay away from such a charitable function. I will be in black though, and refraining from the entertainments."

"No dancing then?"

"I'm afraid not, I will be assisting Mrs. Brown with collecting donated funds."

"Perhaps your story might see an increase in those funds," Roberts stood, holding out a hand. "I'll delay the column to line up with the ball, should draw a bit more attention to it."

I smiled as I shook his hand, "Mrs. Brown and I would be ever grateful for it." I didn't linger long, I had enough waiting for me at home to tend to. When I returned, Peggy informed me that Morgan Fields was waiting for me in the kitchen. I actually gave a genuine smile at that, handing Peggy my gloves as I rushed down to see her. Morgan had apparently sent the cook and her helpers off for a rest, preferring to knead the bread out by herself. Ignoring the flour that was getting into my clothes I rushed into her, holding her close. "Oh, Morgan. I am so glad to see you." I would have been glad to see anyone beyond Mr. Keller and Mrs. Brown at this point. To have Morgan here, it was bliss.

She gave a laugh, gently shoving me away. "Give me a moment girl, this is almost done." She gave the bread a few more kneads before throwing a towel over it. "Now, I want you to tell me everything. Peggy's been ringing the other house like crazy, your mother is quite concerned."

I blushed, "I'm fine, really."

"Anastasia." Her voice was firm, "You tell me true now."

So I did, telling her how since Will had left I couldn't sleep. None of Peggy's methods had worked consistently, not the lavender, not the tonics, not even a slight bit of laudanum that I knew she had added to a glass of water she had brought me one night. The nightmares still came, and I had scared a maid half to death one night when she had found me screaming. I had begun keeping a pillow beside me, to try and muffle my screams when I woke. It was hard to fall back to sleep after that. Peggy found me most mornings at the desk, a glass of whiskey or brandy by me, and dark circles under my eyes. I kept trying to distract myself with anything, but nothing seemed to work. Nothing but having Will by me was reliable.

She moved by me, taking my a hand. "It must be trying to be separated from him after all this. You must really care for him."

I breathed in, taking in the scent of the kitchen as I settled on my course. "Morgan, I love him."

"Well, that's some welcome news. Hopefully you haven't been loving him too much though, a grandchild on the way would just break your poor mother right now."

I clapped my hands to my burning cheeks. "Morgan!"

She quickly pulled them away, examining cheeks that I'm sure were as red as apples. "Anastasia, you haven't-"

"No!" I shook my head wildly, "We've just kissed." I was not going to tell her how I had bared myself to him, how we had come so close to ruin. But I looked at Morgan's brown eyes, Morgan who was basically my aunt, Morgan who had changed my diapers when I was young and Mother was overwhelmed. She had held that over my head for years, and I couldn't help myself. "But, I've wanted to do more. I want him so badly, but he says he won't get me pregnant and so we haven't done anything beyond kissing, I swear."

"Peggy says you've been sharing a bed."

"Only to sleep, the nightmares didn't come when I was with him."

"He's a horrible man you know," She held up a finger to stop my interruption, "He's a widower I've heard, so he should know there's plenty of ways to please a lady without risking a pregnancy."

"Morgan, what do you mean?" I couldn't help my natural curiosity, the thirst for this forbidden knowledge too great. "Do you, do you know these ways?"

"Anastasia, I told Abraham after the twins I would not have another. People can get very inventive when they love each other and want to avoid another child," She turned to the loaf of bread, whipping off the towel. She pulled a section off, rolling it out in her hands. "Now, first I'm going to show you what their equipment looks like, then we'll get into exactly how you can use it. And then we'll cover your own." She used the bread dough to illustrate these points, rough models that she used before smashing them back into the bowl.

Morgan was very thorough in her explanation, and I almost wished that I had a pen and paper to take notes. It was the most I'd ever learned of what a man and a woman could do with each other, beyond the most basic act. The questions I asked were halting, and involved a good deal of gesturing when I couldn't quite find the words to describe what I meant, but Morgan happily answered them. It seemed there were many different ways to find pleasure with someone you loved, even if her frank descriptions made me blush so hard I felt I would never return to my normal coloring.

Later that night, when I was alone in my bed, I set myself to turning the lessons into action. I remembered Will, back on the train, the weight of him on top of me. Tracing where his own hands had been with my own was not as good, but I could feel that desire smoldering in me. The hardness that I had felt then, and later in his lap, Morgan had said that was how men showed their desire, that it was sensitive and it felt good to them when it was touched. Thinking on it, Will was probably just trying to keep himself from going farther with me when he had moved away when I had touched it. I tried using the back of my hand to replace it, letting it drift between my legs.

Like my touch, it was nice but it wasn't the same. I could feel my breathing getting deeper though, and when I set my fingers to exploring myself I felt my breath hitch. It felt strange, I had never done this before, but it didn't feel bad. I could feel the small bump that Morgan had described, what she said was the seat of my pleasure. The way she had talked about it made me think that just touching it would, as she put it, send me over the edge. The first touch didn't, but as I set myself to stroking it, I could feel the fire in me rising. I thought back to being in Will's arms, the feeling of his lips on my breast, and the way I had sounded.

The pace of my stroking increased, and I could hear myself beginning to moan. I tried to keep it quiet, I didn't want any of the staff coming in to find me pleasuring myself. But God, I could feel that clenching in my belly again, and I let my body move with it. Will, Will in my arms and his hands on me, both of us finally joining, the hardness of him replacing the skinny fingers that were a poor imitation. Oh God, to have him on me, in me, to have him kissing me, and hear him moaning in my ear.

I came with a muffled cry, clapping an arm over my mouth. My breathing was unsteady for a moment, before I was able to gulp down enough air. It felt like my entire body had seized up, as if every muscle in me had cramped before releasing in such a delicious pleasure that I now knew why Will didn't want to continue that night. If it had been like that, and I could only think that it might be better with him, I would have gladly given myself to him if I had known what it would be like. I wondered if it would have been that good for him. I made my way unsteadily to my bathroom, washing my hands and returning to bed. Maybe this would work, maybe I could finally get a decent night's sleep.

Chapter Text

On the day before any ball I spent it relaxing, complete and utter indulgence. Sleeping in, reading a book as I languished in a hot bath, enjoying a few drinks before I went to bed, that was what I usually did. I attempted it, but sleeping in was impossible. So I settled into my bath early, hoping my book could distract me. It proved to be of some use, and by the time I emerged my dress had been delivered and placed, in its box, in my dressing room. I pulled on a tea gown, loose and flowing, and opened it. I had been very specific in what I wanted, and Lord and Taylor delivered perfectly. Smiling to myself I set the lid back down, moving to the sitting room and picking up my embroidery. I was going to relax today, I was not going to focus on the business, or the ball, or how much I wished Will would be joining me for it. I had barely made a stitch when a maid creaked the door open, "Miss, you have a visitor in the parlor. Mr. Reichster says he has some business with you."

I stabbed the needle into the fabric, "Some business?"

"That's all he would say Miss, will you be going down?"

I grit my teeth, "Yes, I will be down momentarily." She stepped away and it took everything I had not to throw the embroidery hoop across the room. Any chance of relaxing today was gone, and I had no doubt whatever this was would put me in a foul mood. But I owed it to Mr. Keller, he had stressed to me how much business we stood to lose to the Reichsters if one small thing went wrong. Perhaps I could convince him to partner with us on something, that there was some benefit to it. Or perhaps I could just tell him to go to Hell. Either way, not receiving a guest would have been the height of rudeness.

I wished the slippers I wore would have made a harsher sound as I headed downstairs, some kind of expression of how this while situation made me feel. Henry Reichster was standing in the parlor, looking far too pleased with himself as he gazed at the pictures on the wall. He looked over as soon as I walked in, "Ah, Anastasia. Thank you for seeing me, I don't suppose we could go up to the office? This is a business matter, it might be better dealt with there."

I stood firm behind the settee, twisting my hands together behind my back. "No, Mr. Reichster, here will be fine."

"Please, call me Henry, my dear." He reached into his jacket, pulling out a leather portfolio which he proffered to me. "I have something that might interest you."

I took it over to the empty fireplace, turning a lamp on the mantle on so I could read. It appeared to be a contract, and I tried to quickly read it. "A stock sale?"

"Yes, I am prepared to be quite generous for your stake in Dalian Shipping." His voice was rather jovial. "I could double your personal accounts in an instant for them."

I slapped the portfolio closed, holding it back out. "I refuse, you can leave." It didn't even require consideration. My family had built this, it was mine, and if he wanted it he would have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.

"Come now Anastasia, be reasonable. What do you know about running a shipping business?" He didn't take the contract from my hands, flashing me a smile from underneath his mustache.

I knew enough to make sure he'd never get his hands on it, and under Mr. Keller's tutelage I was sure I would know far more soon. "I assure you Mr. Reichster, I am quite capable. As is my mother."

"Henry, my dear, and do you really think those under you will agree to a pair of women leading the company?"

"I would think they wouldn't care, so long as it's my family." I angrily turned toward him, "I have no desire to sell you my stock and let you get your grubby fingers into my company." I turned to the mantle, looking for a book of matches that was kept on top for lighting fires. I'd burn the damn thing before his eyes, that would show him.

I heard him come up behind me, his step heavy even on the rug, freezing as I felt his hands find my waist. The feeling of his lips on my ear set every hair on my body standing on end. "Of course, Anastasia, I would be willing to accept half the stock, for the same price, with an additional payment." I felt my fingers clench around the portfolio, hardly daring to breathe. "I saw the way you looked at that man you had here, half mad with lust. Perhaps that why you never quite preferred Zachary, you want a mature man. It would make sense, why you took up with that sailor."

"Mr. Reichster, you must be drunk to be speaking this way." Oh God, again. It was happening again. I would scream, I would, I would. I drew in a deep breath, fully prepared to scream bloody murder when he pulled me tight to him. I froze, my voice dying in my throat.

"No, I am quite sober my dear, Anastasia." He drew out my name, letting it linger on his tongue like it was honey. "And I promise, I can make it worth your while." His hand drifted up from my waist, tightening when I tried to step away. I was breathing hard now, and his hands quickly moved to my breast, rising and falling as I tried to take in enough air. He was right behind me now, pressing himself against my back. His lips continued to brush against my ear as he spoke, "I suppose I should thank that sailor for ruining you, but I swear I can make you feel things you never dreamed of, things he could never do. You'll forget him in a night."

"Mr. Reichster, please-"

His hands tightened, pulling me against him and his voice was harsh against my ear. "Henry."

I swallowed, my voice wavering. "Henry then, I am not going to sell. Please, let me go."

His fingers traced their way up from my breast, finding their way around my throat. They tightened, and I shuddered, barely breathing. He loosened them slightly, tracing my throat. "So delicate, isn't it? Your throat I mean, I'd love to drape it in a golden necklace, studded with rubies, and have you wearing nothing but it, waiting for me after one of Samantha's stupid parties." His other hand moved around to my stomach, pulling me flush against him. I felt his desire then, against me, and it seemed like Zachary all over again. But I was trapped, I couldn't grab something and hit him like this and he was far stronger than his layabout son. I shivered again as he drew us over to a mirror, my feet stumbling as he did. His flashing green eyes looked at us, his black hair longer than his son's and slightly unkempt as it tumbled down his face as he bent again to my ear. "Look at us, fair and dark, just think about it Anastasia! Marry Zachary, I'll still have you whenever I want regardless, and if you married him we could combine the businesses, take over from Morgan and his International Mercantile. It would solve everything."

He was even taller than Will, and he must have had fifty pounds on me, easy. I could feel the strength in his arms as he held me, the way his fingers latched around my throat. I couldn't scream, he'd choke me in an instant. I couldn't fight against him, I needed something different. I needed to fool him. I closed my eyes, pretending it was Will behind me and this was just a game we were playing. Just a game, something to excite us. It was just Will, playing a part, like I would have to. I let myself relax into his touch, even as my stomach turned. "You would carry on with your son's wife?"

His hand moved back to my breast, freeing my throat. "Zachary would never know, nor care."

"And your wife?"

"She has hers, I have mine." He brought his hand up, his fingers tracing my lips. They brushed along them, his fingertips grazing my teeth as he parted my lips. Part of me longed to bite them, to draw blood and get away. But his heavy hands were still on me, I couldn't get away. He chuckled, "We have an understanding."

Fighting against the revulsion in my stomach, I reached for his hand near my face and brought it back down to my breast, feeling him dig his fingers into my flesh. "Henry, perhaps I was too hasty." I turned, letting my lips graze against his own ear. "I think we can reach an understanding."

He laughed, a rumble against my back. "I knew you would come to see it my way." His hands moved farther down, grabbing at my thighs and pulling me back against him. "You're a smart girl Anastasia, but a girl none the less. Made for parties and children, not business." I kept my breathing even. I could fool him, I knew I could. It would only be waiting for a moment, a moment where I could get away and lock myself in a room. But I had to play the part until then. I felt his hips move against mine, "Made to warm my bed."

I lolled my head back, exposing my neck to him. He took immediate advantage, and I gasped as he sunk his teeth into the flesh where my neck met my shoulder. It wasn't enough to draw blood, but I turned my shock into a forced moan. "Oh Henry, that is divine." Will, think of Will. Think of Will's hands on me, his lips on me, my body pressed against his. I felt a stirring of that desire, that lust that I had for Will, rise in me. The fact that I felt it toward Will, but it was Mr. Reichster's hands on me, sickened me. But I needed to use it, I needed to make him believe it.

"I bet you taste divine, Anastasia." He suddenly turned me around, capturing my lips in a rushing kiss that I couldn't avoid. His tongue forced its way into my mouth, and I tried not to gag as it did. He tasted of cigars and whiskey, and his hand crushed against the back of my head to hold me flush to him. His other twisted in my hair, pulling it so my head leaned back and he could deepen the kiss. I could get through this, I could get out of the parlor and find help. I just had to endure it. His tongue was still in my mouth as he pushed me back, my knees slamming against a table and suddenly I found myself on my back on it as he loomed up over me. The pins holding my hair back were digging into my scalp, and I tried to shift myself up to relieve the pressure. Mr. Reichster roughly shoved my shoulders back down. He was undoing his jacket, breathing hard as he looked at me. "God, you're a vision like that."

He had shed his jacket and had reached for my skirt when I giggled like a girl, pulling it away from his hand, teasing him. "Oh Henry, can't we go find a bed? This isn't very comfortable." The sound of my own voice sickened me, it sounded so false that he must notice. But he was filled with lust, and made another grab at my skirts. I twitched them away from his hands, slowly pulling the hem higher, revealing my ankles. "Please?"

"A bed?" He had managed to get my skirt, flipping it up around my knees as he suddenly leaned over me. I had a brief thought flash through my mind, that I should twist my legs together to stop him from reaching what he wanted, but I needed him to think I was serious. That was the only way I could get away, the only way he would let me have a moment to run. "How far up is the bed?"

I gave another giggle, grabbing at his necktie and pulling him down into a kiss as my mind raced. I kept my eyes closed, holding Will's image in my mind, even as his cologne clogged my nostrils. I broke it off, "Oh, it's only a couple floors to one of the guest rooms."

"A guest room," He muttered, his hands moving to my waist, starting to pull me to him so that my calves dangled off the table. He had dropped his hands to my knees, pressing them open. "Hardly seems fitting. What about your father's room?"

I screamed curses at him in my mind even as I batted my eyes. "The fifth floor. Oh wouldn't that be fun." He had stepped back so I sat up on the table, still holding his tie. "Don't you want to do it there?"

His eyes were glazed, and I could see his desire pressing itself against his trousers. "God, yes."

I let go of his tie, moving to grab the portfolio from where it had fallen. I'll say this for Mr. Reichster, he didn't let an opportunity pass him by, for as soon as I had leaned over he was up against my rear, his hands on my waist. I could even feel his hips begin to move slightly against me, a moan tearing itself from his throat. I shivered again, moaning myself, in distress and not passion, though he was so crazed by thinking his scheme had worked he didn't notice. "Patience Henry, let me go tell the staff to stay away for the day. I'll meet you up there, and I'll have this," I held up the portfolio, "All signed and sealed." I backed towards the door, the handle in my hand. "I'll be quick, I promise. And then we can spend all day there." The handle turned quietly in my hand, and I was out the door before he spoke. I tried to keep my pace slow, for I heard the door open behind me. The last thing I wanted was for him to catch on to what I was doing because he saw me running. I let my hips swing from side to side, looking over my shoulder to catch his eye. I gave him a slow wink and saw him start for the stairs.

I very calmly entered the kitchen, and immediately turned around and locked the door. The servants, gathered around the table for their lunch, stared at me as I made my way to the butcher's block. I picked up a cleaver the cook had set aside, wrapping my fingers around the handle and clutching it tightly. I looked to Peggy, "Mr. Reichster is in Father's room, expecting me to come to him. Have some of the footmen throw him out, make it public." My voice was still high, still girlish as I stared down at the blade.

Peggy spoke slowly. "Perhaps the police should be informed?"

"Oh, I would think so. Trespassing is such a vile crime." I moved to an empty chair, the cleaver gripped tightly in my hand. I wished I could rid myself of the politeness that had been ingrained in me since I was a child. That I could scream and curse and fight against someone like him without being thought hysterical and confused. I watched as one of the kitchen boys ran to go fetch an officer, while two of the largest footmen started for the stairs.

One of the maids spoke up. "Miss, are you alright?"

I let my fingers run along the spine of the blade, "Not in the slightest."

"Well, if you're going to accuse him of trespassing," Peggy said, coming around behind me. I felt her fingers begin to repin my hair, adjusting the neckline of my dress. They were shaking slightly, but she quickly had me put to rights. "Then you can't look like he's been at you."

"Thank you Peggy, that's very smart." I opened the portfolio in front of me, slamming the cleaver into the contract again and again. I watched the paper and the leather beneath it split beneath the blade, but I wished it was something else. I wished it was Mr. Reichster, that I had had the cleaver in the room and I could have taken it to him. I dropped the cleaver beside the ruined portfolio. "You know, I think from now on I'd like to have one of the staff sit with me when I'm receiving. Regardless of the person."

"Of course Miss, we'd be glad to." Peggy stepped back, and I took the shredded contract to the oven, opening the door and throwing the whole of it into the fire. Eventually the kitchen boy came back with an officer, who appeared rather confused to find himself brought in through the kitchen door.

"Miss, your boy here told me there was a trespasser." He nodded to me, "Do you know where he is?"

I pointed to the door, "Oh yes, I found him in the rooms upstairs. I asked a couple of the men to handle him while I locked myself and the other women in here to be safe." An utter lie but at this point I hardly cared.

"Well, let me see if they've caught the cad." He unlocked the door, stepping through. It was only a moment before he came back. "Miss, if you'll come with me." I followed the officer out into the foyer, where the two footmen currently had Mr. Reichster lashed to a chair with a curtain rope while they stood watch. He had also lost his tie, waistcoat and trousers at some point.

I gave a little shriek, turning away from the sight. Part of me wanted to laugh, he looked so foolish and was red in the face from screaming at the footmen. He started cursing me quite loudly, swearing that I had begged him to come and visit, that he had every right to be here, he was a guest and I had seduced him. I turned back around at that, glaring at him. He sneered, "This was me being nice, Anastasia. I'd urge you to reconsider before things get ugly."

I looked to the officer, "Sir please, I don't know what he wanted but I am all alone here. I would never allow a man to visit unchaperoned." He assured me that he would see to everything, and shortly a police wagon had pulled up in the drive and Mr. Reichster, resisting the two policemen who had him by his arms, was dragged out and thrown inside.

Another officer, he introduced himself as Lieutenant Conner, came up to me as they were loading him. He had a lilting accent, Irish most likely. "Miss Dalian, you know we can't hold him for long. He can make bail by tonight."

"I am aware, Lieutenant." I watched as the doors were slammed shut, a rope twisted around to secure them even further.

"I'd suggest you close your house then, and avoid any events outside of it. Get yourself a man to stay here, for your protection."

"I will consider it." I muttered, and the Lieutenant quickly loaded up into the wagon with the others. I stayed there, watching as the wagon turned a corner and vanished from sight. I must have been staring out the window for a long time when Peggy came up.

"Miss, is there anything I can do?"

I had my hands wrapped around myself, unaware that I had done it, for if I pulled them away I would begin to shake, "I want my mother, Peggy. That's all I want." I turned and headed upstairs. "I'm going to my room." The stairs were something I could focus on, simply moving one step at a time, sliding around a landing, and then back up. My sitting room seemed so quiet, and I settled myself at my writing desk. There was something I needed to do. I drew out a piece of paper, dipped a pen in some ink, and began to write, the shaking of my hand making my letters fuzzy.

My Dearest Will,

I wish I could not write this, but I do not want you to see it in some gossip column. I would rather you hear it from me. Henry Reichster attacked me in my home, I am safe and well I promise, but in order to free myself from him, I had to play the coquette, I angrily crossed that out, whore. To make him think that I would go to his bed. I swear to you, he did not succeed in his aims. My household staff was more than willing to restrain him once I was safe, holding him until a policeman could be fetched. He was removed, but I doubt he will be held long, his name and money will see to that. I do not know what poison he will spew about what occurred, but I dread you reading some paper and thinking that I would betray you. Please, know that I only did what I had to in order to free myself from him.

I love you,

Ana

I folded it shut and quickly addressed an envelope to the hotel he was at in London. I stared at the creamy paper, shining against the dark leather blotter of my writing desk. When Will got that, he might leave me, and I wouldn't blame him if he did. Zachary had tried to force himself on me, this time I had acted a harlot and brought it on myself. If I hadn't insisted on going with Will everywhere, or going out with the other officers, Mr. Reichster wouldn't have thought me ruined and an easy target. I could only be grateful that the negatives of the pictures were well hidden in a hatbox in my dressing room, if those came out I would be finished. I looked over as the door opened, Peggy slipping in. I held out the letter, "Please, post this as soon as you can Peggy." As soon as it was out of my hand, part of me wanted to grab it back, to hide it away. If Will didn't know, then everything could go on as it did before. But I immediately felt chagrined, Will had trusted me with his darkest thoughts, I should trust him with this. Even if it left me bereft, I would be honest.

"Yes Miss," She slipped it into a pocket of her apron, "Your mother is coming. And Ezekiel, she ordered him over."

"Thank you." I tried to smile, but nothing came. "You don't have to stay."

"Miss, I'm staying." She sat in one of the chairs. "You shouldn't be alone right now." I stood, shrugging as I made my way to my bedroom. If she wanted to stay, fine, but it wouldn't affect what I was needed. And what I needed was a drink. I'd grabbed the brandy decanter from Father's office and brought it down a week ago, using it to calm myself during the night. I filled a snifter, coming back out into the sitting room and sitting across from Peggy as I drank half of it in one swallow. Peggy wrinkled her nose. "You shouldn't be drinking that either."

"What would you have me do then, Peggy?" I leaned back into the plush comfort of the settee. "In the past two months my life has gone to Hell, and the only good thing to come out of all that isn't here and I haven't heard from him in almost a month."

"I'm sure he has a letter on the way." She reached over and picked up my embroidery from the table. "The mail takes time, especially from Britain. Why don't you work on this until your mother gets here?" I drank the rest of the brandy before I took it from her, and while my fingers started on the stitches, my mind paid little attention. Everyone thought they knew what I needed, or what I should be doing. All I wanted right now was my mother, to have her tell me that everything would be alright, that she would send for Will and he would be back and I wouldn't have to worry about anything. But that couldn't be.

I had finished a tail feather when the door opened again, but who burst through was not my mother, but Ezekiel. He was wild eyes, his red hair disheveled and he quickly came over to the settee, kneeling beside it. "Oh Annie," He gave me a sad smile, then pulled me into his arms. I couldn't help the tears that pricked my eyes. He hadn't called me Annie since we were kids, when he couldn't quite manage Anastasia. He pulled back, "Do you want me to kill him?"

I gave a bitter chuckle, "No Zeke, at least not yet." I hadn't been able to manage Ezekiel when I was little, we'd been Annie and Zeke to each other. He quickly settled himself by me on the settee, talking quickly about everything that had been going on with his family. Morgan had been able to stop staying at the Fifth Avenue house all the time and had come home to find the place a mess and no one willing to take responsibility. He rolled his eyes, "What can she expect? It's all us boys at home, and most of us are out at sea half the time." I laughed at that, even as I watched Peggy come out of my bedroom with the brandy. She whisked it away, a quiet maid in the hallway taking it from her, before she sat across from us.

Ezekiel kept up his chatter, and I let it distract me as I worked on the embroidery. He talked about the most meaningless things, but he made them sound exciting. As if having to stoke a boiler because his father had caught him dozing at the dinner table was actually a great honor, and by the end of it the stokers had considered him one of their own. At least that's what he thought all his shirts mysteriously being dusted with coal while they were in his trunk meant. I only looked up when he stopped, his face solemn. "Mrs. Dalian."

"Ezekiel, thank you for coming so quickly. I take it staying here won't be an issue?" Mother stood in the doorway, all in black.

"No ma'am. Are you staying too?"

"Until things are settled, and the item I asked you to have?"

Ezekiel stood, his hand going to his hip. I hadn't noticed the dark pistol handle, it had been away from me. He shook his head. "Not a problem, ma'am. I'll keep it on me at all times, like you asked."

"Are you still going to be attending the ball, Anastasia?" She walked over to the settee, "If so, Ezekiel will be with you the entire time. And armed."

"Yes, Mother." I looked up to her, "Thank you for asking him to do that."

She looked at Peggy and Ezekiel, "Thank you for waiting with her, please, let me speak to my daughter." The two of them shuffled out, closing the door behind them. Mother sat stiffly down on the settee, and I couldn't help myself. The tears I had been trying to control sprang forth, and I threw myself in her arms. I couldn't even speak, could only sob into her breast as she wrapped her arms around me. "My poor girl, shhh shhh. It's alright, I'm here. I won't let him get close to you again."

Part of me had been expecting a lecture about how my conduct had brought this about, that it had been a failing on my part as I knew it was. But she just held me close, and I gave myself over to the safety of her arms. I sobbed about what had happened, how I missed Will, how the nightmares had plagued me, how I found myself missing Father at the strangest times. Mother didn't offer any solutions, but she also didn't offer any condemnations. She simply listened, and eventually I felt empty. All my concerns, all my fears, had flowed out of me with the tears and I had nothing in me.

Her fingers felt cool on my face as she drew my gaze up, "Anastasia, you're exhausted my dear." Her hand was gentle on mine as she pulled me to the bed, settling me under the covers. "Sleep, and I'll be here. But you need to sleep." I blearily watched as she fetched a chair from the sitting room, turning the lights low. I saw my embroidery in her hands as she sat next to the bed, muttering. "Really Anastasia, the head on this is all wrong. I suppose I can fix it, if I-" I couldn't catch the rest of what she said, my eyes sliding shut and for once, a peaceful dreamless sleep followed.

Chapter Text

Heiress Recounts Sinking

Anastasia Dalian has finally consented to share her trials during the recent tragedy. Your humble reporter was received in their fashionable town house and was graciously granted an interview with the heiress, although we can call her heiress no longer. She now stands at the head of her late father's company, complete with her inheritance. I was struck by the strain that I could see upon her as we spoke, the mourning that she wears for her father, but she patiently answered every question I had.

During the night of the sinking, Miss Dalian worked valiantly to assist as many women and children into the lifeboats as she could. Several crew that survived have attested to seeing her place them into boats before going to bring more forward, refusing a place until the very end. It is at the very end that she very nearly lost her chance to survive. First Officer Murdoch was in the midst of having crew get a lifeboat readied while he held off a large group of men with a revolver. Miss Dalian was the saving grace that prevented any violence from occurring, coming forward with a group of women and children. After they were loaded she was preparing to board herself when the crowd of men rushed forward, Mr. Murdoch's gun going off above them all as he tried to maintain order and have the boat safely lowered. As it was, the weight of the men sent the boat hurtling away from the ship.

Left on board the sinking liner with Mr. Murdoch by her side, your humble reporter must provide some information about the two that were watching the lifeboat slip away before continuing this narrative. Miss Dalian revealed to me that she had taken a fancy to Mr. Murdoch during the voyage, and he to her. Is it any wonder then, after he had received permission to court her after the voyage from her father, that Mr. Murdoch did what he did next? According to Miss Dalian during our interview, as well as the affidavit she filed with the inquiry and other eyewitness accounts, he pulled her through to the other side and physically lifted her into a boat to ensure her survival. It was in this boat that she took up an oar, rowing with a steadfastness that later gave heart to the sailors who had volunteered to go back and search for survivors. She remained in the boat with them, and they viewed her as if some heroine sent down to keep them on their task.

Miss Dalian was unwilling to account the horrors that she witnessed in the field of wreckage, saying only that she saw many bodies and one survivor died in their boat. From other sources, I had determined that she was the one to hear the cries from the overturned lifeboats that were found. Miss Dalian was surprised to hear that I knew, but she confirmed it. The knowledge that her suitor was onboard one of those boats was unknown to her at the time, and a sailor I spoke to said she pulled as hard as any man at the oars, even when they were soaked by a wave of freezing water. It was only when they had returned to the main group with the survivors from the overturned boats that she was reunited with Mr. Murdoch, waiting with him in the cold until their rescue.

This reporter has read many tales of heroism and cowardice that occurred during the sinking, but if I had to choose one to preserve it would be this. Miss Dalian was no coward, unlike another family onboard that has made much of themselves in the aftermath of the sinking according to her. I am only repeating her own words here, but Miss Dalian alleges that the Reichster family was lowered down upon the millionaire's boat. While it is unknown if they offered a bribe to the sailors onboard as the Duff Gordons did, she says that she clearly saw them lowered, among the first to leave and in a boat that could have held forty, but only had twelve. If so, then the way they have attempted to cover themselves in glory afterward rings hollow. I am no society reporter, my dear readers, but those of you who desire to see Miss Dalian, and no doubt the Reichsters, should turn your eyes to Mrs. Margaret Brown's charity ball tonight. It remains to be seen if the patriarch of the Reichster clan will be in attendance, a report was received from the New York Police Department yesterday that Henry Reichster was arrested for trespassing, and while he has been released on his own recognizance, perhaps this event may be too soon for him to face the sterner members of society. Miss Dalian will be in attendance, in mourning, as she assists that indomitable woman in raising money for those who lost all in the tragedy.

I folded the paper back, setting it on the dining room table. Mother had insisted that we all take breakfast together here, I had found her sipping a cup of coffee with the paper already in front of her. She had simply smiled, sliding it to me to read. Ezekiel, nursing his second cup of coffee, greedily grabbed at it and flipped it open. He fairly cackled as he read his way through the end, "Oh Annie, that's brilliant."

"Indeed it is," Mother smirked over the rim of her cup, "And the reporter has cast you in a good light. I wonder if the Reichsters will even bother showing themselves tonight."

"I hope they don't." I muttered, spreading butter over a piece of toast. "I'd be fine if I never had to see them again." That was met with approving noises from the rest of the table as we set to our breakfast.

Ezekiel looked up from his biscuits, "Actually ma'am, I do have a question. Why not tell the police that he attacked Anastasia? Surely that might have kept him in as opposed to trespassing."

"And then everyone would know that she had been through that." Mother spread a smear of butter over her toast, "There's already been rumors about Anastasia, the last thing that's needed is to pile onto those. Let them think Mr. Reichster got drunk during the afternoon and wandered into the wrong house and there is no chance to add to those rumors."

Ezekiel nodded, turning back to his biscuits. Trust Mother to have a ready and well thought out explanation all ready to go. I quickly ate my own biscuit, slathered with honey. I actually felt good this morning, I hadn't risen for dinner last night after falling asleep in the afternoon. I was starving though, and I piled a rasher of bacon onto my plate. I noticed Mother's eyes on me as I reached for another helping of eggs, "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, yes." She gave a little shake of her head, "I just would like you and Ezekiel to spend the day before the ball out walking. Peggy is convinced that it will help you sleep better, and I am inclined to agree. In addition you may be able to draw attention to your ball tonight. You will need to dress appropriately." I couldn't help the flash of frustration that I would have to go change before we could go out, the morning wrapper I was wearing was entirely wrong for walking. Ezekiel was fine in his waistcoat, although when I returned, after donning a black walking skirt and a shirtwaist, he had added a jacket.

He noticed me staring at the holster beneath it. "Your mother isn't taking any chances now." He held out his arm though, on that side so he could still draw it if needed. "I was thinking the docks, see if Father is at the Star." We set off to the docks, a place both of us practically knew by heart. It was nice to wander through it with him, remembering how we used to run along the piers with the sailor's children. We both laughed when we passed the dock where David had been convinced he could run along the pilings, leaping from one to another. He'd slammed face first into the third one, luckily not harming anything but his pride.

The docks of Dalian Shipping were busy, as had come to seem normal to me. I had watched them from the offices plenty of times, Mr. Keller had insisted that I take Father's old office which had a view that seemed to encompass all of the docks we used. Ezekiel was well known to the men unloading ships and tending to others, and he quickly introduced me to those who came up. I gladly shook their hands, asking how things were done, did they have any ideas how things could be done better, and if they had any ideas to visit me in my office. The men seemed a gruff bunch, but Ezekiel spoke to them in a friendly manner and they quickly warmed to us. The Western Star, Abraham's beloved single funneled ship, was as familiar to me as my own house. Abraham was not onboard though, and we didn't spend much time after we had searched the bridge and his cabin. Instead we had made our way back to the docks, continuing our way down.

I couldn't help but glare as we quickly made our way past Reichster Transport's dock, thankfully a solid distance away from ours. Their ships, newer than most of ours and with multiple funnels speaking to their newer and faster engines, seemed to crowd both sides of their dock, making it almost an alley between slowly shifting steel walls. Ezekiel himself glared at any of the men who looked our way, and pulled me closer until we had passed through the area.

But I froze after we had passed it, seeing something that chilled me rising above the smaller ships. Four funnels, raked back, in buff and black that reared up high. A wireless aerial was hung between two masts, and as we got closer I could see the white painted upper decks and the black hull beneath them. I clutched Ezekiel's arm tightly, "Let's go somewhere else." I couldn't get close to that ship, it was a phantom that had its claws in me and part of me longed to go to it, to remember how her doomed sister was, to see if the rooms were the same.

He glanced at the ship, "Ah, yes. Let's head out. What do you think, take a cab to Central Park and have a turn around there?"

I had barely nodded my assent when a voice called out from close to the ship. "Wait, Miss Dalian!" I turned, seeing the aide from Senator Smith's visit rushing towards us. The rest of the party he had been with continued on, leaving the aide on his own. He quickly made his way up, breathing hard. "The Senator wants to invite you onboard the Olympic, he's taking a tour."

"Unfortunately I am busy," I shook my head, "Please give the Senator my regrets."

"Yes, we are headed off now." Ezekiel didn't even give him a moment to try and speak, quickly turning us and setting off for where the hansom cabs tended to collect. It was only once we were in the cab and heading off that he spoke again, "Don't think about it, Annie. Just focus on tonight. You're not going to make me dance, are you?"

"Oh God, no." I chuckled, "I won't even be dancing."

"Thank God, it's bad enough your mother is making me go around all those stuffed suits." He raked his fingers back through his unruly hair. "What do you think, should I use pomade tonight?" We fell into a light discussion on that topic as we arrived at the park and set off. New leaves and fresh blooms dotted the trees, a gentle breeze ruffling them as we strolled along the pathways. I quietly thanked God for Ezekiel, who seemed to be able to come up with any number of distracting topics to speak about. Over lunch we discussed whether he should wear a top hat, and what color the band should be. The ride back had us debating whether he should wear tails or a short jacket. I was actually smiling when I came back to my sitting room, to get ready for the ball, and saw the letter that had been left on a silver tray. I gingerly picked it up, slitting it open with a pen knife, and read.

Ana,

You can imagine my shock when I opened your letter back in my rooms onboard and saw those pictures. I could not speak for a minute, I was so struck. To see you, in such a way, it made me greatly regret not taking you up on your offer that night. If only you knew how close I was to accepting, how you had worn my will down to practically nothing, how tempting you are. The desire that I felt when I held you, touched you, kissed you. I long to hold you in my arms again, to feel you and kiss you, but until then I must content myself with these pictures. But they are a poor substitute for the real thing. They are lovely though, as are you for giving them to me. But I will admit that I was not expecting to be greeted with such a gift. I would say that you have been too generous by far, but I am lonely. After spending so much time together, it is painful to be separated and these photos bring me such joy at night, when I miss having you by me. July cannot come soon enough, nor can the day we reunite. You must allow me to send you something in return, there are plenty of jewelry stores around me in London. Perhaps a necklace? Or a pair of earrings? And do not worry, I would never show such a personal gift to anyone. In fact I have taken to carrying them around in the pocket of my jacket, I am not sure that the hotel staff can hold out against the bribes the reporters that flock around us offer and I should hate for them to come across them.

The inquiry goes slowly, and I feel tired as I tell the same story over and over. I wish to forget that night, to think only of the future but it seems I am always to be pulled back to that moment before everything went wrong. The reporters here are almost worse than those in New York, if such a thing is possible. The hotel has set out their staff to prevent them from gaining entrance, little good that it does. They still manage somehow, and I was once confronted by a reporter disguised as the man bringing breakfast to our table.

The others are well, and their families have come to join us here. Charles and his wife Sylvie are quite happy to be reunited, and most of the others have had at least someone come to visit while we are here. I wired my parents to stay home, it is far from Dalbeattie and I do not want them confronted by these reporters. I am thinking of a small visit back home to see them when all this is over with, before I return to Southampton to ensure my house is in order. And if my job with White Star is still mine. I hope it is, but I doubt it will be. It is not that I do not wish to come and work for your company, merely that it makes me feel less of a man to know that my salary would come from you. I wish to be the one supporting you, but there is wisdom in the what you said in your letter. When you are Mrs. Murdoch, it would only be right for your husband to involve himself in your company. I cannot say that I will ever feel right about it, but I suppose I can accept the reasoning of it. I will send you a telegram either way, and I hope I shall not be kept up for too long.

Then I hope to return to you in New York. It shall be summer by then, perhaps I will meet you in Newport and teach you to sail. I should enjoy that, and I will hold onto that to see me through the rest of this. That and those pictures.

Your jolly sailor bold,
Will

I folded the letter back into its envelope, carrying it to the the sea chest. I tucked it next to the telegram he'd sent me when he arrived. Arrived safe, off to London, send to Ambassador Hotel. Love, WM. To think that I had only posted the letter about my attack yesterday, that it hadn't even been a day. The letter must have come on the Olympic, that ghost sitting placidly at her dock that I had run from. I sat on my bed, staring at the sea chest. What would Will think of the letter I had sent? He would be angry, I had no doubt about that. I should have known better than to see Mr. Reichster, I should have refused to even consider it. Oh God, Will would think me an utter fool. With what I had written, and how I had bared myself before him and in the pictures, I was sure to be ruined in his eyes, as surely as if I had a child in me.

Perhaps not though, perhaps Will would not care. I would not know though, not until I got a message from him. Or until I saw him again, and that could be ages. Summer, which seemed so close, lasted for so long though. I might spend half of it before seeing him again, or maybe he would come over sooner. We could spend the season at our Newport cottage, laying in the sun and sleeping the afternoon away. I sighed, brushing at my hair coming out of its pins. That was all well and good to think about, but tonight was much closer.

I rang for Peggy to come help me dress. The gown was one that I had ordered from Lord and Taylor's, with very specific instructions. It could not be too extravagant, but neither could it be plain. The dressmakers there had come up with a wonderful combination though, a black silk taffeta dress, with soft falls of black crepe encrusted with jet beads. With jet jewelry and a black feather for my hair, it would be appropriate for the ball but obvious to all that I was still in mourning.

Peggy came up the stairs, bustling me out of my walking clothes and into a fresh set of underthings before slipping the dress over my head and buttoning it up. There really was nothing like the feeling of a new dress slipping on, the fabric cool and crisp. I let her clasp the jet and gold necklace around my throat, the beads dipping low over my chest, before she dressed my hair. She was not the equal of Marie, but it was a far sight better than I could have done on my own, and I admired the way she had the black plume curl around my head to touch my neck. I sent her to go see to the coach while I readied myself further. Jet earrings, gold and jet bracelets, and black silk gloves were donned. I will admit to adding just a touch too much rouge, to try and offset the paleness I was confronted with. She tutted as I did that, "Miss, not too much now."

"I'm so pale though," I brushed my fingers over my cheeks, the gloves tucked away where no powder could get on then, blending it with the powder. "Could you fetch me a drink, please? That might get some color in me."

"I'm afraid you're off the liquor, Miss." She adjusted the feather, curling some of the plume around her fingers. "Your mother's orders. It's all been put away, and she had the locks changed on the cabinet. She's got the only key." She must have seen my face fall because she quickly changed the subject, "Now, you should have heard Mr. Fields when he saw the tuxedo that had been laid out for him. He swore such a blue streak that the footman assisting him could barely keep from laughing."

"Ezekiel always seems uncomfortable when he's not in his sailing clothes." I muttered, yanking my gloves on. Peggy fussed about me as I stood, handing me a black silk wrap to cover my shoulders until we were at the ball. I made for the stairs, trying not to dwell on being denied the brandy that had been so helpful within the past weeks. I could admit that I had been indulging a bit too much, but I had exhausted everything else. Mulled wine did nothing, chamomile tea made me completely unable to fall asleep. After I had drank a few cups of that I hadn't slept all night, feeling a jittering in my limbs that I could not stop. That had left Peggy flabbergasted, apparently my reaction was almost completely unknown, the tea usually calming even the most frantic drinker. But the brandy, that had been helpful. It helped slow everything down a bit, and it reminded me a bit of Father, the scent that would be on him after he'd been indulging. When I had a glass of brandy and sat in his chair, at his desk, it seemed like I could feel him with me.

I shook those thoughts away. The ball would go late, I would be exhausted by the time I got home, and hopefully that would allow me some sleep. I smiled, seeing Mother and Ezekiel chatting in the foyer. Ezekiel was dressed in white tie, and he kept reaching up to tug at the tie. I chuckled, "You won't choke, you know."

"Yes, but if I lean forward to much I might get strangled." He tipped his head back, trying to clear his throat from the collar. "Aren't you stunning?"

"Very nice, Anastasia." Mother said, looking me up and down. "And no dancing, correct?"

"Yes, Mother."

"And only one glass of champagne."

"One?"

"Perhaps two, if there are toasts. And Ezkeiel is to be by your side the entire time."

Ezekiel nodded, opening the side of his waistcoat to reveal the pistol in its holster. "Had to tuck it in a bit closer, your valet said it was ruining the line of the jacket."

"Well, into the carriage with both of you." Mother nodded to the footman by the door, "I'll be waiting up."

I gave her a hug, feeling her arms come around me. "We'll be fine Mother, I promise."

She gave me a smile, "Go on then, before it starts without you." Ezekiel gallantly offered his arm, handing me up into the carriage. We had another man with the driver tonight, wielding a whip in such a way that made me think he was hoping to use it on more than the horses.

I twisted the wrap around my hands, trying to focus. This wasn't a ball to have fun, this was a ball to raise money for charity. I would be sharing my story, and would have to elegantly beg some of the richest families for some breadcrumbs to throw to the survivors. I tried to settle myself into the bench, it would be a little while before we got to the Sherry's, where Mrs. Brown had reserved the entire place for the night, including the massive ballroom. Ezekiel, stretching his legs out across the carriage, grinned. "Are you ready for tonight, Annie?"

I grinned back, hoping it had more confidence than I did. "Well, if I wasn't it's too late to back out now."

Chapter Text

The entrance to Sherry's was subtle and understated, but that vanished the moment you stepped inside. Mrs. Brown had seen fit to order not one, but three hothouses worth of flowers and it was almost overwhelming to have the different scents assault you as you walked in. White was the theme though, the color of innocence and purity, things that were lost during the sinking. It was also the color of sacrifice and remembrance, which was evident when I was immediately presented with a small posey of white roses to pin to my dress. Mrs. Brown grinned as she placed it on me, "All us survivors are wearing one, and it looks so nice against the black of your dress."

"Thank you, Molly." I tried not to twitch under her hands as the pin gently scraped against my skin. I could see her own posey pinned in place of a brooch on her dress. I brushed my fingers against the flowers, enjoying the light scent that wafted up. "Have our targets for tonight shown up?"

She laughed, "Our targets, lovely term there dear, are fashionably late as ever." A passing waiter stopped by, and she handed Ezekiel and I flutes of champagne. I sipped at it, knowing that it would have to last me half the night. Molly took a healthy swallow of her own, "But there are some smaller fish to go after."

"Well, we had better get to fishing then." I looked around the small crowd in the ballroom. Some of the finest of New York society was present; Astors, Vanderbilts, Fishes, and I could even see old Theodore Roosevelt sipping on a whiskey in a darkened corner. Aside from him, none of the ones present were the scions of their families, which meant a limited income to spend on charitable causes. But Mrs. Brown had worked her contacts well, and was assured the prominent members of those families would attend. I looked over to Ezekiel, "You don't have to be by my side the whole time, and I don't think you'd have much fun trying to weasel money out of their pockets."

"Annie," He offered me his arm, "There's one thing I fear more than these society types, and that's your mother in a temper." I smiled as I took his arm, and we made our way over to the group that had gathered around a small display of items from the sinking. Survivors had been more than willing to lend these morbid souvenirs for the ball, and I spotted my own seawater stained stockings displayed next to a pocket watch. Other items littered the table; cards, shoes, jewelry, gloves, menus from the dinner that night. A collection of detritus that seemed so ordinary before, now only memorable because of a tragedy. The gathering around the table quickly turned as I came up, and immediately began to pepper me with questions. I tried to smile and be patient as it seemed I answered the same question three different times, and I could feel Ezekiel twitching under my hand.

A minor Astor daughter flashed a smile at him, "And would this be your dashing suitor?"

"Oh, I'm afraid Mr. Murdoch was unable to be here tonight." I looked over to Ezekiel, "This is a family friend, Ezekiel Fields."

"Of the Boston Fields?" She turned her eyes toward him, batting her lashes.

"My family was from Rhode Island before we moved here." Ezekiel had turned a delightful shade of red, "My father is a captain on one of her ships." At the admission of his lower status any thoughts of flirting seemed to vanish, but I was able to get her to agree to a small donation. As we moved away from the display table I looked to him, "You know, you could have lied to her. Might have been able to get a dinner out of it."

"You know I get uncomfortable around these types." He shrugged, pulling out a chair for me at a table. I sat, setting my champagne on the silk tablecloth. Ezekiel almost fell into his chair, reaching for his tie again. "All that money, they'll never use it all. And here I am, in a borrowed suit and completely out of place"

"You aren't uncomfortable around me."

"Well Ms. Astor back there wasn't confined to my room for two weeks with chicken pox when she was twelve."

"You gave them to me," I took a sip of champagne, "It's hardly my fault my mother made us stay in the same room." I sat back, watching more people file in. The survivors were easy to mark, all of them sporting a pin of flowers from Mrs. Brown, which made it easier to determine who to approach for donations. First though, I was starving. Sherry's had apparently not planned for a massive banquet, but merely a delightful array of light foods that could be carried as you circulated among the attendees. I helped myself to a small crab cake before collecting Ezekiel to make our rounds, as it were.

After a while, I had the pattern down pat: approach, accept their condolences, speak to them about rowing the lifeboat, mention how so many who survived had so little and would they please consider helping them? The women who were there seemed vastly interested in Will, and I was a little uneasy about that. Mrs. Vanderbilt had a litany of questions that she rattled off, "How did you ever meet an officer? And what drew you to him? Is he here? I would love to meet him and speak to him about what happened."

I took a large swallow of champagne, sadly noting that my flute was empty. I replaced it on a waiter's tray, grabbing a fresh one. I would have to make this one last as long as I could. I gave Mrs. Vanderbilt a smile, "I actually tripped when getting onto the ship, if you can believe it. He was kind enough to stop me from falling."

"Oh, how romantic. Is that what you found most charming about him then?"

Ezekiel covered up a chuckle with a cough, and I gave him a glare. "His kindness, most definitely. He was always willing to take me for a promenade, or a tour of the ship."

"He must be quite handsome, too."

This time he didn't bother to cover up his chuckle, and I waved him away toward the buffet. "If you can't behave, you may as well do something useful. Bring back some of that caviar." I turned back to Mrs. Vanderbilt, "In my opinion, he most definitely is. Fair, with brown hair and blue eyes."

"A man in uniform is always tempting." She gave me a wink, "Even the old Commodore still looked dashing when he put his on."

"Well, I'm afraid Mr. Murdoch was one of the ones to lose much in the sinking." I looked away and sighed, "Including some of his uniform. But there are so many who lost more than simply clothes. Could I ask you to please see your way to donating something to the charity?"

"Oh, of course." She simpered, "But you will have to bring your Mr. Murdoch around when you've got ahold of him again. Tell me, have you been to the cinemas lately? There's a picture on the sinking playing, the actress was actually onboard!"

I tried my best to keep my face calm, "Unfortunately I have not been able to, have you seen it?" I had seen the picture being discussed in the papers, and I had been rather angry about it. Releasing a film, barely a month after the sinking, seemed vulgar and I felt rather disgusted at seeing the articles written.

"Oh yes, that lovely Dorothy Gibson is quite charming in it." Mrs. Vanderbilt simpered, "And the sinking is very moving, in fact it made me want to come tonight."

"Well, we are certainly glad to have you." I took a sip of champagne, trying to keep from rolling my eyes. A picture, not the chance to actually meet survivors and help others, made her want to come. It was all I could do not to snort at her statement.

"Oh, and your article, of course." Apparently she had actually realized her faux pas. "It was a delight to read." She suddenly looked over her shoulder, a quartet had started playing softly from a corner and some people were beginning to pair up for a waltz. "Oh, I must go find my Richard. Please, excuse me." She dashed off, collecting an older man from the alcove where a great many of them had gathered to drink whiskey and talk of whatever men did as they drank. I could still see Ezekiel at the buffet, collecting far more than caviar, but a swirl of dancers passed in front and I lost him.

Instead I set myself to watching the dancing, the elegant sweep of ballgown skirts as they glided across the floor. I couldn't help but sigh a bit, wishing I could join them. I would have made Ezekiel dance with me if I was able to, if only to torture him. But I hadn't danced in months, the last time being on the deck of the Titanic, Will guiding me around deck chairs to the sounds of an imaginary band. I tried to picture myself out there, with him, in a new dress and jewels, dancing like we hadn't a care. My daydream was interrupted though, a pair of trousers stopping before me. I looked up, immediately souring. Zachary was standing before me, looking remarkably sober for once. No red eyes, his skin wasn't flushed, and I couldn't smell alcohol coming off of him. He sat down in the chair next to me, a glass of water the only thing he had on him. "'Stasia, I don't know what to say."

"I don't think there is anything to say." I muttered, sipping at my champagne. I was going to need it to get through this. I could see Ezekiel barely ten feet away, the plates from the buffet in his hands. I shook my head, I didn't want him to hear whatever this was going to be, but he could watch from there. He glared, more at Zachary than me, but nodded.

"I was wrong when I saw you last, although I am glad to see you sent that sailor packing." Zachary smiled, "He really was quite ill suited for you."

"He's in England for the British Inquiry, I'm planning on him returning soon." I kept my voice clipped, I hardly cared if he was offended. In fact, if he was offended and left, I would be quite pleased.

"Ah." Zachary quieted for a moment, looking out at the dancers. "I don't suppose you'd want to-"

"No."

He winced, moving his chair closer. "I am sorry for how I acted the last time I saw you. I was hurting, I didn't know what I was saying."

"You were an ass." I said, looking away. "As you always have been."

"I have never understood this hatred you have toward me, 'Stasia-"

"Don't call me that!" My voice was loud, and I saw a few people look over. I lowered it, trying to take a calming breath. "I hate that nickname."

"I'm sorry, I thought it was something fun, between the two of us." He sipped angrily at his water, crunching a piece of ice between his teeth. "But why do you insist on this hatred?"

I had to carefully set my flute down, to avoid shattering it and hurting myself. "What you did the night of the Vanderbilt party, it was vile. You tried to take advantage of me."

He actually paled, even as I felt my own face flush from anger. "Oh God, I thought you knew what I meant." He reached across, trying to grasp a hand that I quickly withdrew. "I swear, I thought you wanted it." He pulled his hand back, "Is there any way I can make up for it? I do like you Anastasia, and I want to marry you."

I couldn't help the harsh laugh. "Make up for it? You marrying me?" I actually snorted as I shook my head, "Never in a million years will that happen."

"But Anastasia, think about it. It would be better for us to get together than for you to stick with that sailor, think of how the columns would love it." He stood, adjusting his suit. "We could combine our families' businesses, it would work. Come, dance with me. Let's begin anew."

I looked away from the hand he was holding out to me. "It will never work Zachary. I have told you multiple times. And I hate dancing with you."

"I was told to be nice to you, but clearly you don't respond to kindness." He fairly growled, "My father wanted me to let you know, this is his last olive branch." A sneer risen in his voice, a sudden rush of conversation muffling what he said next. "After you played the whore for him, he simply wants you to see the advantages of our marriage."

A hot coil of anger wrapped itself around my heart, "Your father tried to force himself on me, as did you. I would sooner lose everything than marry you."

"He's giving you a chance, 'Stasia." Zachary stepped closer to me, looming over my chair. "A chance to save your name. He doesn't want to ruin you, but he will." He took my hand, but I pulled it back, standing and shoving my chair back as I did. "Marry me, Anastasia. It would solve everything. Your business would be safe, your mother taken care of, and," He leaned close, whispering right into my ear, "my father won't let everyone know what you did, how much of a little slut you are. Would it really be so bad to be my wife? To marry someone of your own set and not some common sailor? Think about it, 'Stasia. If you did marry him, you know he'd never be accepted here. Not after what he did. And him accepting you, after what you did?" He stepped back, chuckling. "You've only got one choice if you're going to save yourself."

Zachary turned to look at the crowd in the ballroom, I could see a few people that had been watching us while we spoke, but more turned towards us as he knelt. I couldn't believe the audacity he had when he actually pulled a ring from his pocket. It was a garish thing, plastered with as many stones as the band could support. He smirked up at me, "Last chance 'Stasia, will you marry me?"

A hush had actually come over the crowd, and I could feel hundreds of eyes on me. I could also hear Ezekiel coming up behind me, and I turned to catch his eye. I gestured for him to wait behind me, as I reached for my champagne flute. It was going to be a waste of the absolutely delicious Moet that I had helped Mrs. Brown decide on, and the last drink I was allowed tonight, but there was nothing for it. I pitched the whole of it into Zachary's face, and I couldn't help the grin that broke out as I heard gasps and excited whispers begin. I spoke loudly, not caring who heard. "I despise you, and your family Zachary. Maybe you'll finally understand that now."

He came up with almost a shout, grabbing my arm and pulling. The champagne flute flew from my hand as I staggered forward, shattering across the marble floor, and I tried to pull away from him but he yanked hard on my hand. "You ungrateful-"

"Release her, now." I had never heard Ezekiel's voice so low or fierce, but he didn't take his eye from Zachary as his hand moved to the butt of the pistol, clearly seen beneath his jacket. He didn't so much release me as I was able to pull my arm back from his suddenly limp hand. I moved back by Ezekiel, noting the crowd around us. None of them seemed fazed, merely waiting in a expectant silence for the next scene. Ezekiel didn't care about them, "If you come near her, any of you Reichsters, you're dead."

"What, you're the new man she's taken up with?" Zachary brushed champagne from his shirt, "She's moving awfully fast now."

I caught Ezekiel's arm before he managed to connect with Zachary's chin. I shoved him back, although he barely moved. "Don't, let's just go." I wound up actually having to pull on his arm to get him to back away from Zachary. I could feel the tension in him as we started to make our way through the crowd. I stopped at Mrs. Brown, close to the inside edge of the ring of people around us. "Thank you for tonight, I'm sorry he ruined it."

"Oh honey, this is just some lovely drama." She gave me a smile, "You get on out of here though, he doesn't look like he's one to take rejection well."

And he wasn't, he started yelling at our backs as we made our way out. "She's a whore, you know! Tried to seduce my father yesterday then had him arrested! A lying Jezebel, taking any man she wants to her bed! Go on fellows, you might be able to have a turn with her, long as you're not too rich. She likes them poor and rough." I kept my eyes ahead, gritting my teeth. Responding would only make it worse. If I didn't respond he would just look like an angry, rejected man, but if I said something, if I tried to defend myself or explain, it would give him some credence.

I could hear Zachary follow us, unrelenting. "Had six sailors at once I heard, but she didn't even wait to get back home! Already claimed one on the rescue ship, saw them head off for a cabin, bold as brass! You hear me, Anastasia? You're a whore, and we all know it! How much for a night? A week? You play your cards right and she might just take you off in her private rail car, wonder how much that would cost? Oh, she'll open her legs for a sailor as easy as any dockside slut, but a rich man wants to marry her and she's a nun! Not good enough to get under her skirts, just-"

We had managed to get outside, the sudden burst of noise cutting off whatever filth he was continuing to spew. Ezekiel handed me up into the carriage, bolting the door behind him and finally silencing any last words from Zachary. He kept staring out the window as the carriage started on its way home. "You should have let me hit him."

"Ezekiel, no. Then you'd have been arrested." I tried to keep my voice light. I suppose I should have felt ashamed of what Zachary was saying, but it was so ridiculous that I couldn't take it seriously.

"You're right, I can shoot him in the dark. Catch him on his way home."

"No." I shook my head, "He's only embarrassing himself right now."

"Annie, you heard him!" Ezekiel slammed his hand against the side of the carriage, "How can you not want him dead?"

"Oh, I do want him dead." I reached out, taking Ezekiel's hand. "But I don't want it done by you. Besides, do you know what the papers will say? The young Reichster heir caused himself a significant embarrassment tonight at the charity ball, having overindulged in drink and slinging insults at the young Ms. Dalian who assisted with the ball, who remained calm and removed herself from the situation. That's how it goes."

"Wouldn't you prefer to see it as; Reichster heir found dead in alley after causing scene?" He gripped my hand tightly, "I just don't understand how he can say those things, and how you can just sit there and take it."

I squeezed his hand back, "Because I know it's not true, and so do you."

"And that makes it better? Just because we know he's lying? What about the company men at his offices, those men who read the gossip sheets to get through a boring day? They don't know he's lying, what if one of them decides that he's right and he tries something?"

I flinched, "Zeke, that's enough."

"No, Annie, it's not!" He almost stood, forgetting about the roof. "He's just going to keep saying that filth until someone silences him."

"And that will not be you!" I fairly shouted, "Not only as your friend, but as your boss, I forbid you to try anything."

He slumped back into the bench, "Annie, please. Please, just let me do something, I won't involve myself, I promise. There are people I could pay, they'd take him away and we'd never see him again."

"And how do you know these people?"

"I hear things, at the docks. I could ask around, very discreet." He looked over, the carriage starting to make its way to the front of the house. "But you can't keep letting him say these things. Or let his father get away with what he did." Ezekiel move over to my bench, and I started as he brought his hands up on either side of my face. They felt like Will's hands, calloused and work roughened. His green eyes were bright as he stared at me, "You were my first sister, Annie. I've always loved you, and I can't see this done to you."

"Zeke," I dropped my gaze from his, "I don't want you to get in trouble."

I felt my skin twitch as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. "And if I do this right, I won't be." He moved away as the footmen came to the door, getting out and handing me down. I let the maid take my wrap, and moved to the parlor. Mother was sitting in the rocking chair by the fire, a shirt in her hands. I recognized it as one of Father's, and I flinched as she suddenly ripped a sleeve off of it. Her scissors began to snip at the seam, the fabric unrolling as she moved along. Ezekiel stepped forward, "Mrs. Dalian."

Her scissors kept snipping, "Oh, I had thought you would be home much later."

"There was an incident, ma'am." He immediately backpedaled though as Mother stood up fast, "I didn't mean that, but he started saying all these lies about her. Everyone could hear him."

"Ezekiel, thank you but I need to speak to my daughter. Alone." She watched as he nodded, heading back out. "Anastasia, explain." She indicated a chair for me to sit.

I settled into the tufted velvet, "Zachary was there, he proposed, I refused, and he acted out."

"What did he say, exactly?"

"That this was their last olive branch." I shivered, remembering his lips against my ear. "That they were going to tell everyone I had tried to seduce Mr. Reichster. So he offered me a deal, marry him or have that come out."

"And after you refused him?"

"He started yelling, calling me a whore." I folded my arms, "I left, and we came home." The fire crackled in the grate, and I watched Mother's fingers travel over the now flat piece of fabric in her hands. Her scissors started cutting, triangles and squares fluttering into her lap. I sniffed, "What are you doing?"

"I'm making a memory quilt." Snip, snip, snip. "From your father's old clothes. My grandmother did it for my grandfather, and my mother will do it for my father." The other sleeve was ripped off, falling under the blades.

I watched as she ripped the seam, "Ezekiel wants to kill Zachary."

"I can understand that." Mother set the sleeve down, "Did he go into exactly how?"

I blinked, "He wants to hire someone. I told him not to."

"It would make things simpler," She sighed, "But unfortunately it's just not done anymore. I'll speak to him, or get Abraham to. But I'll want you to close yourself off for awhile here, at least until the talk dies down."

"I can still go to the offices, right?" I had come to like that brick building, the windows looking out on the docks and the ships spread before me.

"With an escort." She nodded, considering the pile of cut fabric in her lap. "I can start a few blocks with this. Go get some sleep, it's getting late." I rose from my chair, a sudden tiredness sweeping across me as I began climbing the stairs. I was tired of Zachary constantly waiting around me, looking for an opportunity to pounce. I was tired of not getting enough sleep, and then having to cram my head full of Mr. Keller's lessons. I was tired of not having my old life back, of being able to be carefree and do what I liked without taking risks.

I was tired of not having Will by me, not being able to count on him to support me when I needed it. I looked at myself in the vanity mirror, wiping at my face with a cloth to remove the rouge and powder. My eyes looked dull, my skin red where I had rubbed it with the cloth. I could even see some small wrinkles around my eyes, smile lines Mother had called them. But there was nothing smiling to them now, they just made me look haggard. Twenty-five years old and I was already growing haggard. Perhaps I just needed some more sleep. Or maybe I just needed a break, a break from all these responsibilities I hadn't been ready for. I plucked the plume from my hair, running my fingers through and pulling the pins out. A break was something I couldn't afford, and I knew it. I just had to keep going, keep moving forward and hope that Will would be able to come back sometime soon. That was all I had at the moment, hope, the hope that things would get better shortly and that I would be able to handle it.

Chapter Text

The time after the ball seemed to roll together, days and weeks blending together until June had almost come to an end. Mother let word slip to Abraham about Ezekiel's plan not a day after I had told her, and poor Zeke found himself confined to the boiler room and the Star set out immediately for a long voyage that kept them from New York for almost a month. Which meant that my escort to the offices wound up being one of the footmen, in fact one who had helped tie Mr. Reichster to a chair. After the first day of riding in the carriage with me, he took to riding with the coachman on the driver's seat. Not that I blamed him.

A black fog had seemed to descend on me after the ball, with nothing to look forward to, and my mood reflected the drudgery my life had become. I barely read, hadn't touched my embroidery, and spent the carriage rides to the offices gloomy looking out the window, trying to see if I could predict the weather and how it would effect our schedule. My life now was only continuing on in my duties to the company. Rising early, staying late, and trying to turn my focus completely to the business. I tried to ignore the fact that Will had not sent a letter after the first one, that he had not answered the telegrams I had sent. The first one I could understand, I had received a reply that Mr. Murdoch was visiting family in Scotland. But I had sent three after that, each one the same.

Will, please write to me, or send me a wire. Let me know that all is well. I'm sorry. I miss you, Ana.

But it was only silence that greeted me each evening when I returned, calling cards and letters from relatives, but nothing from Britain. Not a letter, not a telegram, not a single word. I'd followed what the papers reported on the British Inquiry, it lasted much longer than the American one. It reached the same conclusions though; the officers had only been doing as they had been trained, the standards had laxed while maritime technology progressed, the company had only been keeping to their standards. In all, it seemed an indictment of the way things were done, rather than being blamed on one individual. The lack of word from Will had me avoiding coming home, it was better to be at the office than to see the empty silver tray. On some days I didn't go home at all. I kept to the offices more than my bed lately, not that I was able to avoid the nightmares more in the leather chair than the soft mattress in my room. A new one had arisen lately, something beyond the sinking.

I patted powder across my breasts, trying to lighten the marks that Zachary had left on me. Henry hated to see that his son had been doing his husbandly duties. Zachary had taken me over the breakfast table, my face almost pressed into a plate of eggs as he thrust into me. Halfway through he had pulled out, flipping me over and tearing off the wrapper I had been wearing as he nipped at my breasts, as he strained between my thighs. After he had finished he had gone off from the massive house his parents had gifted us for the wedding, but the marks had begun to darken by the afternoon. The red teeth mark were fairly gone by the time Henry burst through the door, coming behind me on the vanity and taking my breasts into his hands as he began to maul my neck, the egg sized ruby that dangled between my breasts clattering to the vanity as he jerked the clasp open. He had strict rules for our meetings, jewelry was allowed but not a stitch of clothing on me. I let him lick his way up me, closing my eyes and thinking of the presents I would make him buy me tomorrow.

He tumbled me back onto the bed, quickly stripping off his own clothes. Henry was never one for a lead up, he had that in common with his son. I gasped out a few false sounds of desire as he pulled my legs apart, one thrust settling him inside me as he began to grunt with the exertion of it. I kept my eyes on the ceiling, but wrapped my legs around him. He liked me to at least pretend to enjoy these sessions. But I felt his hands reach my throat, tightening and squeezing-

I shook myself awake, my heart racing as I shoved myself away from the oak desk. I was safe, I was fine, I was in the company offices. The sky outside was growing darker, the office still bright from the electric lights and I leaned back in the chair, trying to calm myself. It was only a dream, a nightmare, and by far not the worst one that I had had recently. That had been a week ago, I had been back in the writing room on the Titanic, but Zachary hadn't been content with dancing. I had looked out the window as he rutted on top of me, seeing Will outside, a look of heartbreak on his face.

I shoved my face into my hands, my fingers pulling on my hair. The pain would distract me, it had to, there had to be something to distract me from what my life had become. From the horrors that my mind conjured. I turned to the desk, a flurry of papers spread across it. I pulled the silver inkstand over, dipping my pen in and getting down to business. I could focus on this, I had to get this signed. New client, new client, a ship needed a crane repaired, new cargo, a letter promising a threefold return on my investment if I acted soon. I tore that one in half, bending back to the contracts. I hardly looked up when I heard the door open, the footman was waiting below and he knew who to let up.

I was expecting Mr. Keller, but instead I saw Mother, pale and black as she walked over and placed her parasol across the desk. "You have been overworking yourself." She said it as a statement, not a question, and I was not going to debate her on that.

I tried to tug a piece of paper from beneath the black silk parasol, but she held it tightly against the desk. "Mother please, these need to be approved by Wednesday and I haven't finished half of them." She had left the dock house after the first week, when it had been apparent that I was keeping myself to the rules she had laid down. I hadn't seen her for weeks. She looked better than I did, her face had color to it and considering how I was struggling to remove the paper, her strength had returned.

"Have you gotten anything from him?"

My heart dropped to my stomach, and my shoulders slumped. I didn't need to ask who she meant. "Only one letter, and nothing after I told him about the attack."

"Does that bother you?"

"How could it not?" I let my pen drop, the ink spattering across a contract before I returned it to the inkstand. "He must think me a harlot, I've sent telegrams begging him to write and nothing has come."

"So you bury yourself in work to avoid your thoughts." She sat on the desk, her fingers finding my chin and forcing me to look up. "My dear girl, your father left this company to both of us. And you will work yourself into a grave if you do not stop."

"What do I have without the work? I don't have a single thing beyond it. I have no callers, the papers have been circling since Zachary's outburst for a single sign of indecency so I have given them nothing by doing nothing. There is nothing beyond the business."

"Which is why I have arranged for you to sail tomorrow with the Western Star. Abraham has agreed to provide a cabin, Ezekiel has been ordered to be by your side during the voyage and to see you to a hotel in Southampton. You will find your man, settle things with him, and return."

I could hardly believe it. "Mother, but there's so much to be done."

"Peggy has already packed a trunk and sent it to the ship. I will handle everything while you are gone." I felt her press her lips to my forehead. "I do have some experience in that, you know."

"Oh Mother," I wrapped her in my arms. A chance to get away, to do something, a chance to see Will. I took in a choked breath, "What if he doesn't want me anymore?"

"Then he is a fool and you don't deserve him." She embraced me tightly, "You are priceless my dear, even with what has happened, and if he cannot see that then he does not deserve you." She stepped back, looking at my eyes. "Now, we are going home and you are going to rest. That's an order." She bustled me downstairs, collecting the footman and soon the carriage was rattling on the short trip back to the house. It seemed I was the only one shocked by this sudden trip, the servants seemed to already be aware of all the particulars, and as I hauled out a valise and carpetbag to pack I still found myself confused. If Peggy had packed my clothes, then what else would I need? I would need books, and my wallet, and, oh it seemed endless.

Peggy brought up dinner, watching me pull a shawl from a wardrobe and begin folding it. "You seem excited, Miss."

"Oh I am, Peggy." I placed it in the valise, and looked down at the meal she had brought. Lamb chops, roasted a tender pink and a cream sauce spread over them. "What did you pack?"

"Sensible clothes, Miss." She placed it on my table, "Shirtwaists, skirts, boots. Your mother was quite specific in what should be sent."

"How long has she been planning this?" I cut into the meat, relishing the slight hint of mint in the cream sauce. It seemed an age since I had eaten, I had grabbed only a small pastry when I left for the office this morning.

Peggy gave a very satisfied smile, "A week, at the least." She moved to the bags I had packed, finding even more to fit into them. By the time she had taken them downstairs I had finished dinner, and wrapped myself in my dressing gown. I could hardly believe it, that tomorrow I would be on my way to Southampton. That I would be on a ship for the first time since the sinking. I tried to sleep, to think only of good things and banish all negativity. But I could hardly sleep, a hundred thoughts sweeping through my mind. Should I wire Will that I was coming, or would it be better to be a surprise? Would he be angry? Would he think me a wanton who had just decided to toy with him? What would I even say? I spent most of the night staring at the ceiling, too terrified to try and sleep.

I rose early, dressing myself instead of calling for a maid. A plain shirtwaist, a navy skirt, and a pair of black boots were all that I donned. It was still a few days before July, when I could start introducing color back into my wardrobe, but I was so tired of black. My hair I simply braided back, and I took a straw hat with me. In the mirror I looked like a simple merchant's daughter, tired but excited for a trip. Peggy was waiting with a large tray as I came downstairs. "You're to eat everything Miss, then you may go." She set the tray down in the dining room, and took up her post in the doorway. I turned to the massive feast before me. Waffles with dark syrup running down the sides, eggs and bacon piled on their own plate, fresh fruit kept cold by a small tray of ice. I set to the eggs and bacon first, then the waffles, and finally the fruit.

My stomach felt almost painfully stretched, and I almost belched as I pushed back from the table. I turned to Peggy, "May I be excused?" She only smirked, stepping aside and letting me into the foyer. The carriage was waiting out front, and I piled myself in, wishing it would move faster as we clattered to the docks. There was a rush of activity around the Star, last minute crates and sailors rushing about. I joined the scrum, making my way to the gangplank and smiling up at Abraham, who quickly took me up to the bridge.

The officers were bustling around, but Abraham paid them no mind. "So, you're certain about this plan?"

"Abe, I need to go." I looked out the window of the bridge, taking in the sight of the Hudson River slowly flowing out to the sea. "I can't stay here, I just have to know." I watched the gangplank being withdrawn, lines being tossed, and heard orders being given to engage the engines. The thrum of the engines was strong enough to feel beneath my feet. I looked back over to Abe, "And there's no other ship I'd want to be on."

He snorted, "Well, keep your opinions on that to yourself until you see your cabin." He stepped up to the window I was looking out of, and I felt him place a hand on my shoulder. "But don't you worry about anything, we're taking a southerly route. No ice, haven't spotted any since May." I breathed in, nodding. Abe wouldn't lie, not about that.

"Come on, Annie. Let him get us started out." I heard Ezekiel call, and I turned to see him poking his head through a bridge door. I gave Abe a smile, then followed Ezekiel out into the plain steel hallways of the ship. We quickly moved through the ship, until Ezekiel stopped at a door and opened it. He shrugged, "It's rather small, but it's the best we've got."

I took in the bunk, the way there was barely any space to move between it and the bulkhead. I dropped my bags in a corner, and turned to him. "It will be fine, have you been released from the boiler rooms?"

"Barely." He snorted, coming and sitting on the bunk. "Why'd you have to tell your mother? I didn't see the sun for a week after Father heard from her."

"I couldn't let you start hiring assassins, you'd find some way to bungle it." I shook my head as I tossed my hat on top of my bags, "Now, I want to see everything. And I want to learn everything. I mean that, Zeke. I want to be able to do anything on this ship." Ezekiel grinned, grabbed me by the hand, and we were off. To say that Abe was upset when we came up for dinner that night, covered in coal dust and with a variety of ship's knots hanging from a makeshift rope belt around my waist, would be an understatement.

He fairly exploded at Ezekiel, until I explained that it was my idea. I hadn't intended to spend a shift shoveling coal, but just watching Ezekiel shovel had been boring, so I had tied my skirt back and helped. I may not have been able to handle the same weight of coal on my shovel as he did, but I felt I was able to meet it by shoveling faster. The fact that I was getting dirty and sweating in the sweltering heat before the furnace didn't bother me in the slightest. It felt good to do something simple, to know that my task was helping the ship as a whole, but it hadn't lasted long before one of the crew leads saw us and his cursing had sent us running up to the top deck. There I had spent hours watching Ezekiel tie knots, and my own clumsy attempts at least looked better at the end of his tutoring than at the start.

"Anastasia, do not make me have to order you to stay out of the boiler rooms." Abe said, rubbing his temples and ignoring the steaming plate of food in front of him. "If you want to learn, then stay up on the bridge. There's plenty to study up there."

He wasn't lying, and if I had thought Mr. Keller was a strict teacher, then Abraham was a veritable professor. He woke me to stand watches with him, ranging from early in the morning to late at night. When we could see the stars he showed me how to take measurements with a sextant and use it to calculate our position. I was fairly hopeless at that, the math was beyond what I could comprehend, but I studied him every time he did it.

The officers on the bridge became used to seeing me there, and offered their own lessons. How to estimate distances between the ship and a certain point, learning the delay between when orders were sent down to the engine room and when you could feel the ship shift as they were carried out. I did hear them chuckle when Abraham let me take the wheel for a short time, and I kept the thoughts I had been having to myself. I had thought it grand to hold the wooden wheel, to know that I could control where we went, that I was responsible for everyone onboard. The officers had thought it was simply a fancy of mine to play at being a sailor, and they indulged me in it. It was during a lesson on the weather, when we were a day from Southampton, that the third officer grew concerned, "You can see a squall line ahead, we'll need to give orders to have everything battened down."

I saw the line of low dark clouds he was pointing at. "Will it be rough?"

"Might be, but it shouldn't last for too long." He was scribbling an order on a sheet of paper, then handed it off to a junior officer to give the orders to the crew. I watched them scurry around the deck, checking hatches and tightening lines, before they vanished back below. I could feel the swell increasing, the ship rolling father than it had during out entire trip beneath my feet.

Abraham came onto the bridge quickly, checking over the instruments before he looked over to me. "You might want to return to your cabin, the seas could get worse."

I thought of that small cabin, where I had barely spent any time during this trip. The fact that it had no porthole, that I would be trapped in a small steel box, it sent a shiver down my spine. I shook my head, "I'll stay." A sheet of rain suddenly lashed across the window, the wind howling through the lines, and I heard a rumble of thunder that shook the glass.

He pursed his lips, "I don't want to order you, Anastasia, but I will."

The ship pitched down, a wave breaking across the bow, and I stumbled to the forward, catching myself against a wall. "Abe, please." I heard my voice tremble, "I can't be in there, not if-"

"Point us into the weather." Abe barked at the helmsman, before he came over and grabbed me roughly by the shoulder, pulling me aside and speaking in a low voice. "Don't finish that thought, it's bad luck."

"Abe, please." I jumped again as another rumble of thunder passed overhead. "I can't."

"This won't sink us," He shook his head, "Stay in this corner, and don't say anything." He moved back over to the officers that had come onto the bridge, and I could barely understand them as they spoke rapidly. The squall couldn't have lasted more than a couple hours, but to me it seemed endless. Every wave we took, the foam sloughing off the deck, sounded like a cannon. Turning into the weather took time, and it seemed the ship rolled farther every time until we were pointed straight on and it steadied. Thunder boomed overhead the whole time, and at one point between it and the waves, I clamped my hands over my ears. It felt better to have them there, to close my eyes and only focus on keeping my balance.

I felt fingers pulling my hands away from my ears after awhile, and I blinked, looking up at Ezekiel's concerned face. His hair was soaked and his shirt was damp, but he seemed in good spirits. "Annie, it's fine. We've been though worse." He gestured to the bridge window, "Look, you can see where the storm ends." A line of sunlight cut through the storm ahead, and the seas were settling as the Star plowed out of the weather. Abraham was staring out the window, his stance relaxed as the rain began to lighten.

"Let's get you settled," Ezekiel took me by the arm, pulling me from the bridge. I didn't try to resist, exhausted from the onslaught of the storm. My little cabin seemed to have weathered it just fine, the only sign of distress being my bags that had been flung across the room from where I had left them on the bunk.

I sat on the bunk, "I'm sorry, I just-"

"It's fine," He gave me a smile, "You should have seen me when we went through my first storm. I was wrapped around a railing so tight Father had to pry me off of it." He pulled a flask from his pocket, "Here, steady your nerves. Might get you to sleep better."

I took a swig, the rum inside almost sweet, and I drank another slug before I handed it back. "Thanks."

"You do need to sleep, Annie." He tucked it back into his pocket, "You look like hell." He closed the door behind him, but I opened it as soon as I was sure he was gone. The thought of being trapped in here was still lurking in the back of my mind, even as I felt the ship steaming through smooth seas. Back on the bunk, I leaned against the wall, stretching my legs out before me. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the now slight movement of the ship from side to side. It was rather like being in a rocking chair, and I settled into the rhythm.

It was alright until it grew dark, and I woke in complete blackness. Someone had closed the door while I had been asleep, and I flailed briefly in the dark until I had the latch in my hand. I shoved it open, moving out into the hallway and up to the porthole. I could see moonlight reflected on the water, small whitecaps in the distance that looked silver in the night. I opened it, greedily breathing in the cold night air that rushed through. Safe, I was safe, the Star was afloat and beating on towards Southampton. With the porthole, and the door to my cabin open, I pulled a book from my valise and turned on a small lamp on the roof of the cabin. It was a history of the American Navy, ranging from the Revolution to President Roosevelt's Great White Fleet.

I had just reached the great clash of ironclads at Hampton Roads when I heard footsteps outside. Abraham leaned in through the doorway, "If you're up, you may as well come stand a watch with me." I followed him back to the bridge, taking in the sight of the vast hemisphere of stars above us. The sea was too rough to reflect them, like it had that night in April, when everything was flat and dark. Abe pointed off the port side of the bow, a green light bobbing above the water. "See there? That's another ship. let's see if we can't raise them on the wireless." The wireless room was close by the bridge, and an operator was already tapping away a message. I had tried to learn from him, but listening to the random flashes of sound and trying to determine the letters had given me a headache.

Watching him quickly scratch out a message through made me swear to eventually learn the basics of it. He pulled the telephones from his head, "It's the St. Louis, she says all is good. Wants to know if we hit the storm."

"Tell them all fares well here, and we made it through the storm without an issue." Abe directed, pulling me along in his wake as we went back to the bridge. Standing a watch was fairly boring, but I did get to watch the sky slowly lighten, from gray to yellow to orange, as the sun dawned. It was not long after it rose that I could make out an indistinct blur of land on the horizon. Abe pulled me to a chart, "That's the Isle of Wight, which means we should be in the Solent before noon."

The ship became abuzz with activity as we drew closer to the city, hatches were opened and lines were tossed to a tug that came out to meet us and pull us into the docks. They looked similar to the ones in New York, a red brick warehouse rising behind them and with a warren of offices on the top floor. I could see porters waiting on the dock, and the gangplank was barely set before they swarmed onto the decks, the ship's cranes being brought down to begin hauling the large crates even as the smaller boxes were brought up by hand. I could see my own trunk, carried by two men, set aside on the dock as they returned to unloading.

"Could I go down?" I looked to Abe, who was calmly watching the proceedings.

He barked out a laugh, "You'd just be in the way. Ezekiel's gone to fetch a cab, you can visit the offices later."

"Thank you, Abe." I moved to him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "For teaching me, and taking me along."

He grumbled, "You're the head of the company miss, well one of them at least. Seems to me you should know as much as you can." He squinted, looking out the window. "Ah, there's the cab. You'd better hurry."

I fairly flew to my small cabin, collecting my bags and donning my simple hat. Abe wasn't wrong about my being in the way while the ship was being unloaded. I was almost flattened by a crate that was being lifted, a porter pulling me out of the swinging path of it with a curse before sending me hurtling down the gangplank and onto the dock. I followed two porters that had my trunk, grateful for the way they broke through the crowd.

Ezekiel grinned down from the motor car as they strapped the trunk to the back, "Better than a hansom."

"At this point," I said, climbing in next to him, "I'd be willing to walk."

Ezekiel leaned forward, telling to driver to take us to a decent hotel, before he settled into the bench as we chugged off. "So, do you know where he lives?"

I blanched, "I don't." How could I have not asked for his address? The telegram boys seemed to know where everyone was, and he had still been in London when I wrote him about the attack.

"I'll ask around then, should be fairly easy." Ezekiel watched as the docks receded, being replaced by shops and houses. "What if he turns you down, though?"

I looked down to my lap, "I don't know, I've been trying not to think about it."

"Well, you always have me." He took one of my hands, giving me a squeeze. "Not to marry though, for God's sake." The cab shortly pulled up outside a hotel, and two bellboys were sent to carry my trunk inside through a side door while Ezekiel and I went into the lobby. It was smaller than the hotel I had stayed at in London, but a room was quickly found and the key passed over.

I looked to Ezekiel. "Do you want a room?"

"I'm fine on the Star." He shrugged, "Bit simpler. Can't stand thinking about maids going through my things." He started for the doors, "I'll ask around and be back in the morning. Not too early though," He yawned, "Maybe noon would be better."

"Just send word up when you're here." I shook my head, watching him head off. The room I had been given was on the second floor, and was simple compared to what I was used to. A plain bed, a table and chairs, a basin and ewer on a side table, and my trunk underneath a window that would have afforded a great view of the harbor if not for the building across the street. I sat on the bed, pulling my hat off and letting my hair loose.

What would tomorrow hold? Would Will be glad to see me, or would he be angry? Would I have made this trip only to be abandoned? I sniffed, shaking my head. I couldn't think like that, otherwise I would not be able to sleep. Tomorrow would bring what it would, worrying about it would change nothing. Instead I would focus on preparing what I could for tomorrow. Looking in the trunk showed it was as Peggy had said, mostly shirtwaists and sturdy skirts, but underneath all of those was a travelling suit. It wasn't as tailored as the light blue silk one I had worn when boarding, in fact I remembered it being a few seasons old. But it was a well maid suit, in hunter green silk and accented with white ribbon on the lapels. I pulled it out, brushing it down and letting it hang to get the wrinkles out. My straw hat would have to do, no hatboxes had made the trip from New York.

I looked at my suit for tomorrow, feeling the familiar twist of anticipation and worry in my gut. Food would settle that though, and I set off to arrange for it.

Chapter Text

I had risen early the next morning, washing with the water from the ewer and pinning my hair into something resembling a style. I called for a maid to help me into my corset, the traveling suit needed it tighter than I could get on my own. I buttoned the nicest shirtwaist that had been packed, rows of lace over the the cotton fabric on the breast, on over it, and tied a black silk tie in a bow around my neck. The skirt, pleated around the back, fell into pleasing folds around my calves in their black silk stockings. The stylish waistcoat was made in a matching silk, and I couldn't help but admire how even with the jacket over it, my waist looked neat and trim. A pair of white cotton gloves and my straw hat completed the ensemble. I had walked what seemed an endless loop around the room in my polished black oxfords, the heels clicking across the wood, before a bellhop came up to tell me Ezekiel was here.

"Managed to get one of the Marconi boys to show me where he lives." Ezekiel looked rather triumphant as I stepped into the cab. The driver started off, and I could feel my gut begin to twist. This was the beginning of whatever would happen, and I could only sit and wait. We pulled away from the shops, driving into a neighborhood that seemed quiet, tall trees and hedges growing slowly along the sidewalks. The cab stopped in front of a two story brick house. It looked quaint, snug and comfortable. I reached for the door, but Ezekiel cut me off. "Just a minute, let me speak to him first."

I watched him walk up the door, waiting on the step until it opened. Will stood in the door, in a brown waistcoat and shirtsleeves. He looked well, there were no circles under his eyes and I watched him speak to Ezekiel for a few minutes, the latter gesturing back to the cab. My mouth was dry as I saw Will look over briefly before turning back. Eventually Ezekiel handed over a rather wrinkled envelope from his pocket, and Will tore it open. I could only see that it was written on fine paper, and Will read it slowly. When he came to the end, he folded it up, nodded and said something to Ezekiel, then went back inside. My fingers were tingling as Ezekiel came back to the cab, opening the door. "Go on Annie, he's-he wants to see you."

I felt like I floated down out of the cab, thanking the driver absentmindedly as Ezekiel handed me out. I looked to him, "What did you give him?"

"Something I'd been asked to. He said he'd be right back." Ezekiel looked over as the door opened again. Will had donned a jacket, and I could see his pipe in his hand, smoke slowly trailing up from it.

I could feel his eyes on me from across the small yard. "Thank you Zeke, for everything." I looked over to him, "Now, you should get back before Abe leaves you again."

"He only did that once Annie, and he came right back." He chuckled, stepping up behind me. "Now, go talk to him. Before he runs off again." I heard the cab chug away, Ezekiel's voice cut off by the door.

I was left alone, staring at Will, at the icy blue of his eyes, as he watched me. He spoke quietly, "Anastasia."

I felt my stomach twist. "William."

"Come inside." He stepped back from the door, and I walked past him and inside his home. It was a cozy house, and I turned to the front parlor, a chintz settee and a matching pair of chairs facing each other. I could feel his eyes on my back as I sat in one of them, crossing my legs at my ankles. He took the settee, resting his elbows on his knees, pipe smoke rising about his head as he puffed on it for a moment. "So, you're here."

"Yes," I looked down, I couldn't meet his eyes. Not with how he was staring at me. "I missed you." He kept quiet, and my gut twisted. "You didn't write."

"How could I write after what you said happened?" He fairly growled, "What could I say to that?"

A clock in the hallway ticked away, drawing out the silence. What could I say to him? I'd explained I had only done it because it was necessary, because otherwise something worse would have occurred. I tried to discern anything from his stern face, a twitch of his eyes, something. I twisted my hands in my lap. "You could have said something!" I whispered, "A telegram, something to tell me you still cared!" I gulped down air, trying to keep calm and I raised my voice. "I begged you to write, to wire. I just wanted to hear from you."

"Again, what could I say to what you wrote?" He set his pipe down on a table, "After what happened to you. There was nothing to say to that, nothing that I could do to fix it. Silence seemed the best option."

"Will, I swear he didn't have me and I just, I, if you want to end things just say it to my face." I felt a tear rise to my eye as my words came out in a rush, "I can understand why you would, and I would not be angry with you, but I just want to hear it from you." I placed my face in my hands, too terrified to look at him. I had anticipated this, the words he would say. It was going to be over, and I'd be back on the Star and steaming for New York, alone. I felt my voice catch, "Not in a letter, from your lips. Please Will, just tell me that you don't want me. I already know it, just, just say it."

I heard him stand, and the next thing I knew he was kneeling in front of me, pulling my hands away from my face. I had expected his voice to still be harsh, but he was quiet as he spoke. "Ana, why would you think that?"

"You never wrote me! I thought you didn't want me anymore, that I was truly ruined." I sniffed, looking down at him. His blue eyes were focused on me, his hands strong around mine. I tried to steady my voice, "I saw myself as a whore, between the pictures and having to act like, like I did, and I thought you would leave me for what I did." I tried to stop the tears pricking at my eyes, "And you only sent one letter, so I had no clue what you thought about what happened. How could I have not thought that?"

"Ana, I didn't write because I couldn't find the words. I still can't find the words to say what I want to do. I was so angry when I read your letter," He brushed at the tears on my face, his fingers rough but his touch gentle. "I still am. I wanted to come and kill him. Or call him out, as foolish as that sounds, I wanted to do something and I didn't want to face you until I did. Until I'd done something to get back at them, for you. But I could never be angry with you over what happened."

"I've missed you so much," I slid out of the chair, kneeling next to him on the floor. "I haven't been able to do anything, I can't even manage to sleep reliably." But he pulled me close, his hands in my hair. I heard my hat slide away, rustling to the floor, and hair pins plinked after it. "I felt so ashamed after what happened, and I wanted you but I knew you couldn't come. I thought to tell you everything, that you deserved to know, but I regretted sending it as soon as I did. I shouldn't have worried you with it, you already had so much to deal with." I seemed to speak in a rush, pressing my face to his shoulder.

"Shh," He ran his hands down my back, "None of that matters. None of that changes things between us. I still want you, as much as I did back in New York." I clung to him, crying out all my worries. I could feel his voice rumble in his chest, "I won't lie, I was furious that you put yourself in that situation. That you lowered yourself to what you did. But I was more angry that I was not there, that I could not protect you." He kept his arms around me, and I let my hands wander over him. To feel him again, solid under my touch, to smell him and feel the prick of his stubble as he kissed my cheek. I kissed his cheek in return, letting my lips wander to his ear. I had latched onto his earlobe when he started, "Ana, I'm not sure if this is what you need right now."

"Will," I let my lips graze over his ear, knowing how that excited him. "I want you, I want you so badly. And it's been so long." I'd spent so many nights dreaming of him, touching myself while I pictured him, thinking of doing the acts that Morgan had told me about. Feeling the parts of him that were hidden by his clothes, letting him feel all of me. I hardly cared what it would make me, if I was going to be a loose woman, after what had happened I may as well be loose with someone I wanted.

"I thought we had settled this," He jerked underneath my hands as I reached lower, my hands slipping underneath his waistcoat. "It's not that I don't want you."

"Will, just be quiet and listen for a moment." I could feel the button of his trousers, "I've had a bit of an education since you left." I worked it though the hole, letting my fingers slide down the opening. I could feel him through his undergarment, the muscles of his waist and the slightly raised hairs underneath it. His whole body seemed to stiffen underneath my touch, and I could feel my own desire flaring to life.

"Perhaps," His voice was hardly more than a whisper, "We should head upstairs." He drew me up, kissing me deeply as he did. I pressed myself to him, feeling like everything was right. As long as he was here, it would be alright. I relished in the taste of tobacco for once, the blend he had been smoking was almost sweet as I swept my tongue across his mouth. His own tongue teased mine, even as his hand dropped lower to press me close and one moved to tangle in my now loose hair. I grinned against him as he pulled on my hair slightly, tilting my head back and moving his tongue deeper into my mouth. By the time we broke apart he was stiff against me, and my skin felt almost raw from where his stubble had scraped during the kiss.

I hardly cared, feeling that tingling that I now knew was desire, the desire for him. Will quickly led me upstairs, and I got a vague impression of a single bedroom with a bathroom across from it and a closed door on the other side of the hall. I moved to the bed, noting the single pillow as I sat on the blue bedspread, staring up at him. I wanted him, but I was a little unsure of what to do next. Should I remove my jacket? Instead I leaned down to untie my shoes, tucking them under the bed as I turned to the buttons on my jacket. Will gave a strangled gasp, and I could see him breathe heavily, his eyes dark as he looked down at me. "Just a moment, I'll be right back."

He went to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I took the opportunity to look around the bedroom. It, like the rest of the house, was small but it felt well lived in. The furniture was a tad outdated, the brass frame on the bed showing its history through scratches and dull sections. A dresser, with a collection of pictures on top, was underneath a window. I saw the picture of Ada there, and the one of us at the studio. I assumed the older couple must be his parents, and the others scattered around much be his siblings. The letter Ezekiel had handed him was there, and I picked it up, reading quickly.

Mr. Murdoch,

I am sending this letter to you in the care of a dear family friend, I hope that it finds you well. I am also sending my daughter along, she is unaware of the contents of this missive and I ask that you keep it from her. Since that tragic event I have not been myself, relying far too much on her. I, selfishly, had not seen what it was doing to my dear Anastasia. I thought only of my own grief while she arranged the funeral and attended to our business, not only did she do that but she housed your group and defended you from any accusation she heard.

And my daughter has suffered for everything that she did. She was attacked in her own home, and I was not there. Do not think badly of her for what happened, she has herself convinced that you will cast her aside due to it. If you do Mr. Murdoch, I will see to it that your sailing career is over, you have my word on that. She is blameless, and she loves you so much that it has been painful to see her separated from you. But she has not only borne this attack, she had borne the stresses of our business and helping with the survivors relief committee at the expense of her health.

You must think me a cold woman to have placed all of that on a girl of only twenty-five, and I fear I shall never forgive myself for it. But I now see what that is doing to her. The staff tells me that since you have left she eats little and sleeps less. Especially after the attack. They have tried their best to soothe her from the nightmares, which I have no doubt will plague all of us for many years to come, but they tell me she often wakes screaming and goes into her father's office to pour over papers for the company at all hours. She claims the only thing that helps soothe her is drink, which she had apparently been indulging in until the staff removed it all at my order. My daughter is fading before my eyes, Mr. Murdoch. And I can do nothing to help her, nothing but to send her to you and ask you to do what I am unable to.

I send her to you for her health, Mr. Murdoch. I ask that you care for her in a way that I cannot. Please, when this is over, book passage back to New York or return on a Dalian ship. I shall see the costs covered, but please return my daughter to me better than she is now.

Sincerely,

Ruth Dalian

I set the letter down on the dresser, feeling a deep well of love for my poor mother. She had sent me off with nothing more than her hopes, and I couldn't help but smile. I would do something for her, something to make up for this. She had not been selfish, I had tried to take on too much. In time, we would find the balance with running the company, but for now it seemed a game of push and pull. I heard Will return from the bathroom, his freshly shaven cheeks pink. His face fell when he saw me with the letter, "Damn, I thought I had put it away."

I placed it back in its envelope, smoothing out the wrinkles in the paper. "You left it on the dresser." I came over, feeling his smooth cheeks beneath my fingers. I found I missed the stubble, the roughness against my cheek that I had felt. His aftershave smelled fresh though, and I let my nose linger against his cheek. "But I will play clueless, if it pleases you." I licked his cheek, the sting of his aftershave sharp on my tongue. "You didn't have to shave."

"Your cheeks are all raw, it was too rough." I could hear his breath hitch as I let my lips wander down to his neck. "I wasn't planning on you being up here when I set the letter down, I guess. Your mother would kill me if she knew you saw it." I placed kisses along the length of his neck, then moved onto his ears. He made such delightful sounds when I nibbled at them, short little groans that jumped when I let my teeth graze his skin. I could feel his hands move to my waist as I gently sucked on an earlobe, resuming my work from earlier. I let my own hands drift down his back, his jacket sliding off, as I felt the muscles of his back taper to his waist, and my hands went lower, feeling his backside and pressing his hips to mine. His whole body seemed hard against me, solid where I was soft, and he started, "Ana, do you know what you're doing, what this means?"

"Yes, I do. A friend, a married friend, told me all about things we can do that won't bring about a baby." I brought my hands to his chest, fingers unbuttoning his waistcoat and the shirt underneath. "She also said as a widower you would know about these things and that you were horrible for keeping me in suspense."

Will caught my fingers, "I don't want you to lower yourself to those acts. Not a fine lady like you."

"Today, I'm not a fine lady. I'm the woman who loves you, who has missed you for so long, and I want to do something for you." I slipped my fingers out of his grasp, letting them drift down to gently cup his manhood through the material of his trousers. He stilled, and I set myself to familiarizing myself with it. It was as Morgan said, rather arrow shaped and as I touched it it grew stiffer. "I want you Will, and I know you want me."

Will's breathing was harsh as I continued to handle him, only taking a moment to remove my gloves, but he groaned loudly when I moved under the waistband and gripped it in my bare hand. His flesh was warm, almost hot, and smooth beneath my hand. I squeezed it, feeling the stiff muscles of it, and it almost jumped in my hand. His voice was rough, "Ana, please."

I placed a kiss against the corner of his mouth. "I haven't done this before, so you'll need to tell me if I do something you like."

"Fuck, Ana. Please." He cursed, and I gently began to stroke. Will stumbled backward, falling onto the bed. I used the moment to pull his trousers and undergarment the rest of the way down so I could see my work. He kicked them off, and threw his shirt and waistcoat aside. With him bare in front of me, I felt the desire in my belly roar to life. I raked my eyes down him, the planes of his stomach and down further. I flushed and dropped my eyes for a moment, but looked up to study his manhood. I had nothing to compare his equipment to, other than the instructions I had received, but it seemed a very nice and proper set to me, if rather flushed and swollen at the moment as it strained upward. I could see the bag behind his organ as Morgan had said, and a curly nest of wiry hair, much like mine between my legs. I let my other hand grip the bag as I stroked his manhood, rolling it slightly in my palm. Will's hands shot out, gripping the bedspread. "Fuck, yes, Ana, yes."

Apparently the bag was quite the seat of pleasure. I played with it as I stroked. I experimented a bit with him, testing a looser grip, a tighter one, faster and slower. I watched for his reaction, eventually settling on a rhythm that sent him moaning. It made me feel quite powerful, to see him moaning my name and writhing against me, when all I was doing was touching him. His hips bucked under my hand, "Faster, God Ana, faster."

I sped up my stroking, laying alongside him so that I could whisper into his ear. "Better?"

"Fuck," He muttered, "Tighter, don't stop." He continued in this vein, moaning and begging me to continue. I could feel the muscles in my arm beginning to burn, my hand cramping as I gripped him tightly, but I put it aside. He thrust his hips up further, and I set myself to working with his thrusting. That seemed to sap all words from him, and his head hit the pillow hard as he began groaning, his breathing so hard and fast I was almost worried. I watched as his head arched up, his voice guttural.

He seemed to tense under me, from his organ to where I was kissing along his neck, his voice hoarse and unintelligible as he suddenly seized. A wetness was on my hand, and I looked down to see the white liquid that had spewed from him. Morgan had said that this was the end result of a man's portion of the act, his seed, and to not be surprised. I left Will with a kiss as I made my way to the bathroom to wash my hand.

By the time I came back he had opened his eyes, his body loose as he lay in the bed. I laid next to him, and he immediately pulled me flush to him. I leaned against his shoulder, "Was it, was I good? I can do better next time, I just need practice."

Will's lips were hot as he suddenly kissed me, pressing me down into the bed as he moved on top of me. The weight of him was pleasant as he pressed me into the mattress and I could feel his hands moving farther up, running over my breasts before he pulled away. "You were exquisite."

"So, it really was alright?" I asked, "Morgan also said I could use my mouth. That men enjoyed that."

Will threw himself back to sit on the bed, "You will be the death of me, woman." With that he pulled me up to join him, kissing me as he did. "But now, now it's my turn." He started on the buttons of my traveling suit where I had left off, the jacket and skirt quick discarded under his fingers, the shirtwaist joining them in but a moment. He cursed quietly as he worked the busk of my corset open, and then at the buttons of the combinations I was wearing. "You are wearing far too many clothes."

"Will," I moved to help him, wanted everything off me. "Will, please." He had my combinations off, and had moved down to my stockings. And then I was as bare as the day I was born, and it took everything I had to not cover myself. He rocked back onto his heels, staring. I shifted up, trying to display my breasts to their best advantage. They might have been small compared to other women's, but I was proud of them. "Am I, am I what you thought?" God how stupid to say that, he'd seen the pictures of me naked.

"You're beautiful." He moved over me, laying on top of me even as he held his weight up with his arms. "So much better than the pictures." He dropped his lips to mine, his hands quickly finding my sides and moving up to my breasts. My nipples hardened under his touch, and it seemed my breasts were so sensitive that I gasped when he pressed a kiss to them. I was so ready, had wanted his touch for so long, that I was moaning in his arms in what seemed like minutes before one of his hands dropped between my legs, stroking and rubbing at me with a skilled touch.

I gasped, "Will!"

I felt him grin against my neck, his lips moving to my ear. "Don't be quiet. Let me know what you like." Hearing my own words repeated was thrilling, even as I felt his hand trace my folds. He set himself to trying different rhythms even as he continued sucking at my neck, and I started when I felt one of his fingers push into me. I couldn't help the whimper that came out of me as I jerked away before stilling, I had never done that when I was alone. My body seemed as stiff as a board, and he quickly stopped. "Ana? Did I hurt you?"

"It's fine," I relaxed back down onto the bed, "I just wasn't expecting it." He didn't push into me again, instead stroking the length of me and rubbing at the part of me that seemed to control all the pleasure in me. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, pressing him close to me as I focused on the pleasure of his touch. God, it was so much better that using my own hand, especially when he did that! I bucked up against him, a moan ripping from me. "Will, God, that. I like that." He pulled back, smirking as he set himself to the rhythm. I was quickly writhing beneath him, feeling my skin flush as I moaned and begged. "Will, please. I need, I need," I knew what I needed, but it felt so wrong to say it.

His fingers stilled, and my hips bucked against them, desperate for him to continue. "What do you need, Ana?"

"Inside." I felt my face burn as I said it, "I need you inside." His fingers resumed their motion, and I felt him press into me again. I forced myself to relax as I felt one finger slip in, the feeling strange as he began to stroke me from inside. I closed my eyes, giving myself over to the feeling of it. At first it was odd to feel him stroke me inside, but as he continued to pay attention to my pleasure, it became simply a part of it. It felt good as he moved his finger in me, and I gasped when he slipped another in, the tips of them grazing against me and I moaned, desperate for my own release.

I felt stretched, but in the most delightful way as I panted, "Will, please. Don't stop." My hips began moving in rhythm with his fingers, with the way he stroked me, and I couldn't help the cries that started stealing from my throat. They were high pitched, and I was almost embarrassed by how loud I was but I did not care, not when he was touching me and watching as I chased the feeling building inside me. It seemed to go faster and faster, the fire in me burning hotter and hotter until I felt myself fall apart. I let out a moan as I did, my body seizing before falling back onto the bed as I felt waves of pleasure roll over me, my muscles fluttering around the fingers in me. I couldn't even keep my eyes open, my breathing was ragged as I lay sprawled over the bedspread. I heard Will move to the bathroom, but he was quickly back and beside me. I blearily looked at him as he lay down, resting his head on an elbow. "Will, that was, that was incredible."

His hand traced over one of my breasts, "It was." His voice was low, and I turned towards him, feeling his hand slip down to span my waist. "God Ana, I've wanted you for so long."

"I've wanted you too." I couldn't help but smile. It felt good what had happened, naughty but good. I hoped the true act would be even better, but I could live with this. This would be enough, and I knew there were other acts to find pleasure. I had no doubt Will knew of some methods I was unaware of, I would have to tease them out of him.

"Send for your trunk from whatever hotel you found." He pulled me flush to his chest, "I'm not letting you leave my bed while you're here." I couldn't help but laugh as our legs tangled together, the blanket beneath us tossed aside as we tumbled, him on top and then me until we finally settled back onto the mattress. He insisted I take the pillow, and I drew his head down to my breast.

I stroked his hair, letting my fingers drag across his scalp. "What have you been doing?"

"Mmmm," He hummed, leaning into my touch. "I went home after the inquiry, to Scotland. My family was happy to see me, and I told them all about you. They want to meet you, especially my mother." His eyes were closed now, "Then I came back here. White Star still hasn't decided what to do with me, so I've been waiting around. Trying to figure out what to do next." He breathed deeply, relaxing onto me. "What of you?"

I let my fingers wander down from his hair to his cheeks, the skin soft and still pink from his shave. "Tending to the business, and Mrs. Brown's ball. Rather boring, to be quite honest."

"I'm sure the ball had to be fun."

"Hardly," I kept my voice light, "Zachary proposed and had an outburst when I refused him."

"He really is an arrogant bastard." Will grumbled. I placed a kiss atop his head, he didn't need to know the filth that Zachary had said. As far as I was concerned, no one who didn't hear it needed to know. I would keep it in the dark, let it wither and die. I had too much brightness to look forward to now.

I couldn't say how long I spent in Will's bed, his head pillowed on my breast as we dozed in the morning light. Occasionally I would stir when he moved slightly, and I found that I loved running my hands down his back, from the top of his head to the base of his spine. I could feel the muscles underneath my hand, the way he would shiver slightly as I stroked them. He seemed to have a fascination with my legs, dragging his fingers up them, grazing my thighs before returning to my calves. I was laying with him almost asleep on me, when his eyes suddenly opened, "Damn it, how am I going to explain you to Kate?"

"Kate?" I suppose I should have felt jealous at hearing another woman's name, but I was holding him naked in my arms. There was nothing to be jealous of, not after what we had just done.

"A girl from town, she comes and cleans, cooks too. Watches the place when I'm at sea. But she'll be by in," He paused, listening to the clock downstairs chime the quarter hour. "Thirty minutes. And we've got to get your trunk."

"Oh, don't say we have to get up." I clutched him tighter to me, but I knew it couldn't last. With the afternoon light slanting through the window we set about dressing, although I left off most of my undergarments. Those I piled into a corner, I set the bed to at least look like we hadn't ravished each other all day, and I set off downstairs. A telephone was in the parlor, and I quickly rang the hotel and cancelled my room, while asking for my trunk to be delivered. I had just hung up when I turned to see Will, in shirt and suspenders, staring at me. "What?"

"Ana," He stepped forward, taking my hand. "I had planned on doing this with some kind of ceremony, but seeing you here." He shook his head, "In my home, and in my bed." He sighed, shaking his head. "I'd be a fool to let it go on any longer." He pulled his hand from his pocket, cradling a ring. I got an impression of a small diamond set on the gold band, and I felt my heart stop as he held it out to me. "Ana, Anastasia Dalian, I love you. And I know that I am far below what you should have, but I love you too much to care. Will you marry me?"

I wrapped my hand around his, and I felt tears on my cheeks but my voice was firm. "You are exactly what I want, William Murdoch. I will marry you, because I love you and that is all that I need." For once, after everything, these were tears of joy.

He fumbled the ring onto my finger, and I saw the braided pattern of the burnished gold. It was a little large, and he grumbled as he fit it on. "I'm sorry, this was my grandmother's and she had such large fingers." It was slightly loose on my finger, but it stayed.

I brushed my finger over the small stone. So many girls I knew had stones ten times the size, set in platinum and surrounded by rubies and and sapphires. Zachary's ring was probably worth a hundred of the simple band that I curled my fingers around. But this simple ring was worth more than any of those. I held my left hand out, admiring it. "We can get it resized."

Will made to speak, but the a bell over the kitchen door rang. A young girl, her red hair caught back in a knot, came bustling into the parlor, tying an apron around her waist. She stopped short seeing us, "Oh, I'm sorry Mr Murdoch. I didn't know you had guests."

"Actually," Will looked fit to burst with pride, "This is my fiancée, Anastasia."

"How wonderful," Kate smiled, "I will have to go get another helping of pie from the pub though, I've only brought the one." She turned on her heel, and the bell rang again as she headed out.

I chuckled, seeing her mount a bicycle and set off back into town through the window. "She seems nice."

"She's capable," Will shook his head, "Now, do you think you could get the table set? I can hear the car with your trunk." I set off to the kitchen, as Will opened the door and started directing the porters on where to put the trunk. The china in this house was nothing like the one I was used to, plain white plates with some raised detailing, no bluework to be found. But I collected a pair of plates and glasses, and found a few pieces of cutlery to go with it. The dining nook was close to the kitchen, a set of four chairs around a dark wood table. I set the table, smiling as I heard Kate come back in.

"Sorry," She muttered, bringing over a basket and quickly pulling out two pieces of shepherd's pie. "If Mr. Murdoch had told me you'd be here I would have already had this."

"It's alright," I turned to the parlor, watching as Will picked up his pipe and gave it a few puffs. "I came as a surprise to him too."

"Well, it's a good thing you're here then. Mr. Murdoch has had some black days lately." Kate came back with a bottle of water from the icebox, setting it on the table. "Just leave the plates in the kitchen, I'll wash up in the morning." She gave a little bob before heading back out.

"I know it's not quite what you're used to." Will said, sitting and reaching over to pour water for both of us.

I took a forkful of pie, "It's perfect." I swallowed the first bite, and reached over for his hand. "This whole day has been perfect." I truly felt that it was, even though the pie needed salt, and the chair was rather uncomfortable, to be sitting next to Will, to have his ring on my finger, and to know that after dinner we would be back in bed, together, it made everything right.

Chapter Text

The next morning found Will and I at the Marconi offices, scribbling out telegrams to our families. The office was filled with other customers, some dictating what they wanted sent and others waiting for replies to come in. Workers in uniforms ranging from full kits to mere shirtsleeves were hurtling around, and the constant clacking and bursts of electric noise filled the air. We were hardly noticed in a corner of the main room, using the wall as a desk to write our messages. I tried to keep my hand steady as I wrote.

Mother,
Will proposed yesterday, and I accepted. I will wire you when we depart for New York, I do not know when it will be. Please send to 98 Belmont Road, Portswood, Southampton.
I am so happy Mother, Anastasia

I looked over to try and read Will's message where he was writing next to me, but I could only make out a little from where his hands covered it. Engaged, Anastasia, very happy, visit? I shook my head, still unbelieving that I was engaged. That someday soon Will and I would be married. Last night, after dinner, we had tried to be proper, but I quickly realized that I would not need whatever nightgowns had been packed for me. Not when I had drowsily awoken in the middle of the night to Will, propped up over me on an arm as he stared down. He had moved his hips away from me, but I still felt the heat coming off of his skin, through his pajamas.

I had dragged my fingers down his chest, my voice sleepy and my mind a little fuzzy, "Will, what?"

"I'm sorry, I feel like a boy again." He had muttered, his hands brushing against my breasts. My nightgown had rucked up while I had been sleeping, and I sat up, drawing it over my head and throwing it to the floor. "Ana, God." He mumbled, letting his hands roam over me. I gave a slight hum of approval, feeling him brush his fingers over my nipples.

"Do boys often-" I was thankful for the dark in the room as I blushed, "Find themselves, like this?" I had reached down to touch the head that was pressing against his trousers.

His hips had thrust themselves forward, "Oh God, everything seemed to raise it to attention. It gets easier to control as you get older." His breathing had grown labored as I had caressed him through his pants, and he had quickly fallen against my shoulder. "Ana, you don't know how long its been since I've been like this." I had reveled in the feeling of him on me, the shuddering breaths that he let out against my skin.

"Like what?" I had whispered in his ear.

"I can't stop wanting you, I can't seem to have any control over myself." His voice had been hoarse, strained. "I never used to have to worry about waking up in the night like this. You've ruined that. I can't count the number of times I would look at those pictures and find myself like this, thinking about you, when you were in my arms. It was almost unbearable." He grunted as I dragged my fingers down his length, "Sometimes, during the day when I had nothing to do, I'd go back to your rooms in my mind. I didn't want to forget any of it, the feeling of you."

His own hand started to move between my thighs, and I had moaned at the way he had began to stroke. I tried to work my hand under his pajamas, "Will, get these off." He had impatiently thrown them off, and his shirt, and fallen back on top of me. It was rather difficult to keep stroking him as he stroked me in turn, and when he pressed a finger to my entrance, I pushed my hips forward. The feeling was still a little strange, but it quickly faded behind the pleasure it brought. It seemed we twisted around each other, our breath mingling as we strove to our completion. I pressed my lips to his ear, "I thought about you too during the nights, and I'd touch myself and try to remember how you felt."

He almost bit my shoulder at that, his teeth firm but not enough to hurt badly. "Ana, you're so wet." He murmured against my cheek, "And tight, God."

I was panting by then, pushing myself against him as I tried to set a clumsy rhythm. "Is, is that good?"

"Fuck," He thrust himself harder into my hand while slipping another finger into me.

I moaned, pulling myself up to his ear as I did. "Is that what you want Will? To fuck me?" He had given a strangled cry, and I had felt a hot wetness on my thighs, but he had been merciless after. By the time I had finished, clamping around the fingers he had moving inside me, I had been covered in sweat and begging him to continue. I had laid there, his seed drying on my thighs and my body curled around him, utterly spent. If this was what married life would be like, I could understand why couples took honeymoons far from their families. If I had to face Mother the morning after spending the night pleasuring Will and having him pleasure me, I would die.

"Finished?" Will said, reaching out for the message form in my hand and drawing me from my memory.

I blushed, hoping it was not obvious I had been thinking about last night. "Yes, yes. Here." Will took both forms to the counter, said something that sent a boy running for the door, and then came back to collect me. I wrapped both my hands around his arm, hoping that he noticed how I placed my left hand on top of my other, to show his ring. The streets around the Marconi offices were busy, but Will seemed completely at ease as he guided us down the sidewalks. He looked out, "You wanted to visit your offices, right?"

"I just want to make sure everything is fine," I squeezed his arm as I spoke, "The last thing I need is some problem cropping up right now." It turned out the offices were not that far, and the brick warehouse quickly started to rise above the docks. I could see the Star still tied up at the docks, coal wagons being unloaded into her. Unlike the New York offices here I was unknown, and Will had to push us through the crowd of porters and wagons up to the entrance of the warehouse.

A clerk grabbed the door from inside as Will opened it, sticking his face in the crack to speak to him. "Sorry, sir, the offices are closed today."

"Please, may we come in for just a moment?" I stepped forward, offering a hopeful smile.

"Sorry miss, Mr. Welton's orders." The clerk slammed the door shut, and despite Will hammering on it again and again, it didn't open.

"It's alright," I touched his shoulder, "Mr. Welton is probably on the Star, perhaps we should say hello." Together we made our way down the dock, and I noticed Abraham, Ezekiel, and a suited man across from the Star, in deep discussion over something.

We stopped just by them, and the suited man turned to look at us. "You'll need to clear the docks, before I call for someone to escort you away." I could feel Will tense under my hand, but I just smiled at Abe.

"Hello Miss Dalian," Abraham was grinning back at me, his voice light as he spoke, "Mr. Murdoch, very good to see you again."

I gave a slight chuckle as the suited man, I had no doubt this was the much vaunted Mr. Welton, did a rather impressive impression of a tomato, spluttering for a moment. "Captain Fields, thank you again for allowing me passage on your ship. I don't believe we've been introduced," I held out a hand to him, "Anastasia Dalian, and my fiancé, Mr. William Murdoch."

Ezekiel didn't even try to be quiet from his place behind his father, he practically crowed. "Thank God, it's been long enough. Are you going to have my father walk you down the aisle?" Abraham immediately collared his son, dragging him back towards the ship. I could tell Abraham was trying to be quiet, but the lecture he was giving to his son was quite audible, even with the bustle of the porters around us.

"M-m-miss Dalian," Mr. Welton stammered, bending over my hand and briefly pressing his lips to it. "Forgive me, I don't believe we've been introduced before now."

"Well, we are now." I smiled, "If you could let your staff know that I'd like to examine the papers for our most recent shipments? I am quite eager to look over everything." I couldn't help the delight that I felt as Mr. Welton raced off for the offices, leaving us with Abraham and a now chagrined Ezekiel who was hanging back.

"Anastasia, I must admit I had been expecting this," Abraham said, coming to embrace me, "But not quite so quick." He turned to Will. "You must have been quite anxious."

"I felt I had waited long enough," Will looked almost embarrassed as he shook Abe's hand, "And that we had endured enough."

"Indeed." Abe brushed his hand across my hair, still smiling. "It will be good for us to have something to look forward to back in New York."

"Congratulations Annie," Ezekiel came forward, and I held him close. "Even if you are breaking my mother's heart." I was laughing by the time he let me go, and he was chuckling as he turned to Will, holding out a hand. "And congratulations to you, too. Even if you did make her cross an entire ocean to track you down."

Will gave his hand a firm shake, "I was going to come back, it was just taking time. I had some planning to do."

"Will, don't say anything." I cautioned, "You weren't the only one with that idea." The last thing that I wanted was for Will and Ezekiel to decide that it needed both of them to kill Zachary and his father. As far as I was concerned, those two could just rot far away from me, but I didn't want either Will or Zeke to have the stain of Reichster blood on their hands. Humiliation was one thing, and Zachary had suffered quite a bit after the ball. His outburst was painted as a bitter drunken rant, and Samantha had decided to take him on a holiday to their distant aristocratic relatives in Germany to avoid the press. Mr. Reichster had seemed content to lurk in his now empty home, after paying off the fine for trespassing.

"Wait," Ezekiel turned to me, "Did you tell him what happened?" At my nod he turned to Will, "Were you trying to figure out to get rid of him too?"

"Assuming you mean the entire male Reichster line," Will's tone grew hard, "Yes, I was."

"What were you thinking about doing? I'd-"

Abe cut in, "That's enough, Ezekiel. Or would you like to be a coal trimmer for our entire trip back?" Ezekiel immediately grew quiet, and the Fields men moved back to their ship. I took Will's hand, gently tugging him back towards the offices. The men around us seemed to have caught on to who I was and a path was quickly cleared for us to reach the warehouse.

I stepped into the office that had been set aside for Father here, it was much like his one back in New York, if rather more dusty. I coughed, waving my hand against the dust that been freshly stirred by the ledgers placed on the desk. "I'll just be a few minutes." I said, as I sat down and drew the first ledger towards me. It turned out it took me a lot longer than a few minutes to review the ledgers, but it wasn't because the accounts were wrong. It was because I kept glancing up to watch Will. The way he looked through the shelves, handling a model tall ship that Father had gotten as a gift from a client, the way he would move to the window and look out, the afternoon sun on his face. At one point he had picked up a slim volume on the company history, and I felt like I had spent an hour watching his eyes rove over the pages. It seemed no matter how many times I would shake my head and turn back to the ledger, I'd find myself watching him again.

"Something interesting?" Will asked, turning to look at me.

"Oh, nothing." I closed the ledger and stacked it with the others. "The accounts are all in order, I'm sorry I took so long."

"It's alright," He shrugged, "I managed to learn a bit more about your company." He took my arm, making our way downstairs. "You didn't tell me your grandfather ran the guns at Vicksburg."

"I actually barely knew him," I said as we stepped out into the warm orange light of sunset, "He passed when I was six." Will gave a little hum at that, and we continued on our way. He seemed to have some destination in mind, and shortly we had arrived outside a restaurant. It didn't seem as elaborate as Sherry's, nothing was quite like that, but it looked decent. Enough that I wasn't embarrassed to walk in wearing the light blue walking dress I had worn all day.

"Charles," Will said, pulling me towards a table off to one side. I couldn't help but grin, seeing Charles and a woman sat at table covered with a white cloth. Will helped me into a seat, "Thank you for coming, I had to show you who showed up on my step yesterday."

"Anastasia! My God, you should have wired to let me know you'd be coming." Charles was smiling widely, "Oh, Sylvie, this is Anastasia Dalian, our hostess in New York. Anastasia, my wife, Sylvia."

"A pleasure," I said reaching out to take her hand. She was pretty, with curling dark hair and a ready smile.

"Likewise." She looked down to the hand I had extended. "What a lovely ring."

Will almost choked on the water he had been drinking. "I, I suppose I should have introduced her properly." He set his glass down, using his napkin to blot at the water on his face. "My fiancée, Anastasia Dalian."

Charles snorted, "You should have just married her in New York, would have made you a far sight easier to deal with for the past few months."

"You are incorrigible, my dear." Sylvia just shook her head at Charles, "Congratulations Miss Dalian." I nodded my thanks, still chuckling slightly at Will's growing frustration with Charles, who had launched into a view of what our life could be right now if we had only run off to find a priest in New York. He had already forecasted that I would have been pregnant with a son, and Will a successful captain on one of my ships. Sylvia gave me a grin, "He's impossible sometimes."

"Oh, I find him very fun." I shook out my own napkin, placing it in my lap. "It was good to have him in New York."

"He spoke quite highly of you," Sylvie nodded to a waiter who had just come up, and we all quickly rattled off our orders. She looked to Will, "When is the wedding?"

"Ah, we haven't gotten that far." Will chuckled, "We only got engaged yesterday."

"Well, at least you moved quickly for once." Charles smirked, "Really Anastasia, he's been rotten since we've been stuck here. It's a good thing you showed up, I haven't seen him without a frown for weeks."

"Charles," Will growled.

"You know it's true Murdoch," He shook his head, "I really can't get why you're so concerned with what White Star will do tomorrow. More than likely they'll just bust you down, like me. Sent me back to the Oceanic, not that I mind it."

Will leaned over to me, "It's a smaller ship, and old, but to hear Charles talk about it you'd think it was the Mauretania." I smiled, but a thought wormed its way into my mind, curling around my mind. Will would be learning if he was to continue with White Star, and I feared for what he might face. It was not a fear for his life, but merely that I wished him to be able to continue doing what he loved. I knew he didn't want to come to Dalian Shipping, foolish male pride in my opinion.

"Don't you talk bad about her," Charles practically wagged a finger over his steaming plate. "She's weathered far worse than that Cunard, and if I had my pick, I'd choose her every time."

"I doubt I'll be given a pick," Will fairly stabbed at his food, "They'll just give me the sack." God bless Sylvia Lightoller, for she quickly started a conversation about wedding dresses and decorations and was desperately curious to know what time of the year I had in mind. Over a discussion of taffeta and satin, roses and baby's breath and the benefits of summer compared to autumn, Will relaxed and slowly began to offer his own thoughts. "A summer wedding would be lovely."

"We could hold it at the cottage in Newport." I leaned back in my chair, fairly stuffed.

"Be a sight hot in your uniform, and you might just burn your hand on the sword." Charles had pulled out a cigarette case, and after passing one to Will, had lit up. He was kind enough to blow the smoke away from us.

Will let out a breath of smoke to the side of our table, "The sword I can deal with, but I look a fool in that hat."

"You have a sword?" I looked to Will, curious.

"For my Reserves formal dress," He rolled his eyes up, "It also has a hat that makes me look right out of Lord Nelson's fleet."

"Well, I'm sure we can arrange for it to be inside." I caught Sylvia's eye, "After all, I can't have you looking a fool in front of all our friends." I reached across and took her hand, "Would you both come, if I sent you an invitation?"

"Of course," She leaned closer, "I've always wanted to see those society people that Charles was telling me you run with."

"You'll regret that," I winked, squeezing her hand. We left them at the entrance of the restaurant, Will hailing a cab and soon enough we were back inside his home. Will had settled on the settee with a newspaper while I had changed upstairs. It seemed foolish to wear a night gown now, so I belted my dressing gown over nothing at all. Mother had helpfully, if rather annoyingly, placed my embroidery in the trunk with an admonishment that it was to be finished by the time I returned. So I sat next to Will, slowly working my needle through the silk. The head of the peacock did look better after she had worked on it, thankfully she had left the blue glass bead I had put in for the eye. I looked over to Will, "Have you really been such a curmudgeon lately?"

"Don't tell me Charles upset you with that," He turned a page, not looking away from his paper.

"Kate said it too, it sounds like you've been difficult lately." I patiently tugged at a knot in my thread, eventually using the needle to unpick it.

The paper rustled, "I suppose I may have been upset after your second letter." He gave a sigh, setting the paper down. "It's just, God Ana. If I had run off with you in New York, you wouldn't have had to deal with any of that. If I had just stayed for another month, you wouldn't have been attacked."

The knot in my thread unraveled, and I went back to backstitching a wing into the peacock. "You don't know that."

"I do." He reached over, gently moving my embroidery away. "Because I would not have let you receive him. What were you thinking?"

"That he might have some business," I set my hoop aside on a table. "And that people would talk if I didn't receive him. And he did have business to discuss, it was only after I refused him that he, that he did what he did."

Will's voice was grim, "What business did he have?"

"He wanted to buy my shares, and when I refused, he propositioned me." I would have wrapped my arms around myself if Will hadn't gently grabbed my hands and pulled them to him. "And when I refused that, he, he attacked."

His thumb patiently worked its way across the back of my hand. "But you did nothing? You didn't give him a sign that you might be open to it?"

I actually laughed at that, "Will, aside from when I was an infant, you're the only man who's ever seen all of me." I shifted myself, letting a shoulder of my dressing gown fall. "So no, I gave him no signal." I moved to let the other shoulder fall, my arms only stopping it from falling to my waist. I had been covered from my neck to my ankles when Mr. Reichster had done what he did, but that man would have done the same thing if I had presented myself to him like I was doing for Will right now. I looked to Will, catching his gaze, "It was not a fault of my character, but his."

"Ana," His eyes had dropped from my face, and his hands were tight on mine. "I didn't meant to accuse you, but you should have known better."

"I know didn't provide much detail in the letter, and he's never acted like that before. But, I spent far too much time then thinking about it. What I could have done, why I did meet him, it was all I thought about for weeks." I moved closer to him, the gown falling further as I did. "And I don't want to think about it now." I let a leg slip out from the skirts of the gown, throwing it across his lap. "In fact, I don't want to remember anything about that day."

He quickly dropped my hands, wrapping his fingers around my calf. "I won't ask about it anymore, I promise." I hummed as I felt him begin to rub it, a strength to his fingers that relaxed me. "If I ask you to stay here tomorrow, will you?"

I had closed my eyes, leaning back into the arm of the settee and feeling my dressing gown slip down to my waist. "Why?"

"I have to go to the White Star offices, they've finally decided what to do with me." He pulled my other leg into his lap, "I just don't want to worry about you while I'm there."

"Will, you can't keep me prisoner when you're gone. Zachary is in Berlin, I hardly doubt he can get here in one day." I lazily opened an eye, watching as he continued rubbing my legs even as his eyes went to my breasts. He had a furrow between his brows though, his lips pressed tightly together. "I can find an escort while you're gone though, perhaps Sylvia would like to go shopping."

He grunted, tugging me closer to him as he leaned over me. "You are impossible."

"As are you, my love." I reached up, taking a moment to pull the front stud of his collar and the back one, letting it fall off of him. "Now, upstairs?"

Will shook his head, "Too much of a good thing spoils it, and you need to sleep." He brushed a thumb under my eye, "I can see rings under them."

"We can sleep after," I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, trying to pull him down. "I slept very well after last night."

He didn't move, only smirking down at me. "Ana, get your nightgown on, I'll be up in a moment." He pulled back, and I tugged my dressing gown back up. He still kept his eyes on me as I moved to the stairs, and I was quickly buried underneath the bed sheets. Will came in shortly after, and quickly wrapped an arm around my waist as he pulled me against him. I felt him brush his lips against my hair, his breath warm against my cheek. Part of me still wanted his touch on me, but with Will close behind me, warm and solid, I felt my eyes slip closed.

Chapter Text

Sylvia was more than amenable to some shopping, seeing as her two boys were off with their friends and she desperately wanted to avoid some housework that she had been putting off. Charles and Will set off for the White Star offices after seeing us off, apparently Charles was already being called to some task on the Oceanic. Sylvia was quite happy to show me around though, pointing out grocers, laundries and other stores as we strolled along the streets. After a light lunch we were perusing a ready made store that she knew of, and I watched her handle a shirtwaist. It was a delicate affair, with lace insertions along the neck and sides. "That's lovely, you should get it."

She started folding it back up, "Oh, I couldn't. It's too much."

"I'll pay for it," I took it from her and shook it out. "Consider it a gift." I turned to look at a wall of hats, "In fact, pick whatever you like. I think that yellow silk would go well with it."

She looked over at the yellow hat, the light gold silk accented with a burst of silk sunflowers and white ostrich plumes. "Miss Dalian, I can't ask that."

"Why Mrs. Lightoller, after I had to put up with your husband for a few weeks, you deserve far more for having to live with him all the time." I laughed, handing her the hat. She removed the modest gray one she wore and placed the new hat on her dark curls. It brought out the light in her green eyes, and she fairly glowed. "It suits you."

She considered herself in a mirror, "It is quite lovely." Taking it off, she looked at it in her hands, worrying the brim, "If you're sure that it is not a problem."

"Of course not, Sylvia." I ducked my head a bit, "You don't mind if I call you that, do you?"

"Not at all, Anastasia." She smiled, brushing her curls back into place with the back of her hand as she replaced her gray hat.

A clerk came up to take both the hat and the shirtwaist to keep behind the counter while we continued to browse. Sylvia lifted a pair of buff gloves to consider them more closely. "Could I ask you about something? From Charles' time in New York?" At my nod she continued, "Charles brought back some newspapers, he thought the boys might like to read them one day. But I read them, and some of the things they said, about you, and the officers. Was it, was it accurate?"

I drew a pair of gray leather gloves on, admiring the pearl buttons on them. "There were quite a few articles about us, and not all of them good. I don't suppose you could be a bit more specific?"

"The one about you taking my husband off in a private rail car." She cut her eyes to me over the display, "With the others, of course."

"I did take them to Washington in my private car," I shook my head, "I had told them I would take care of them while they were in America, and that they would be given the use of everything at my disposal. Have no fear though, Mrs. Lightoller, your husband immediately fell asleep in the car while I read a book." I chuckled as I glanced over, "He does snore something terrible."

She laughed at that, "Yes, it took quite some getting used to when we were first married." After selecting a few more items, I directed the clerk to send the invoice to the offices and our purchases to our respective homes. Sylvia and I walked along the streets until we found a small park, green and flowering in the spring air. We claimed a wooden bench set alongside a path, under a shady tree. Sylvia looked over after we had sat, "How long are you staying?"

I sighed, "I don't know, I came to see Will. But I don't know when he'll be able to leave." I took in the park, the blooming beds of flowers and the gravel paths winding their ways through trees and hedges. I found I enjoyed the city, the harbor and the docks, the little streets and alleys that wandered throughout the city. Even the smell, a mix of sea air, coal smoke and the damp scent of the Thames, was quickly becoming familiar and comforting. "It is lovely here, though. I don't mind staying for a little while."

"Charles is heading back out soon, next week actually." Her voice was tight as she watched a young couple pushing a perambulator walk past, "It's been a blessing to have him home for so long, but I can tell he's growing restive." I watched her twist her hands together, before she seemed to think better of it and placed them in her lap.

"You won't miss him, then?"

"Oh I will, but I know that he won't be happy unless he's able to go back out." She sighed, "You'll find out. It hurts to see them leave, but a little less each time. And they are always so happy to return, even if it's only for a few days." Sylvia gave my hand a squeeze, "And you learn to live with them being gone, but this last absence was a test. It was so long, thank God he kept writing. It was the only comfort I had."

"You must have been shocked by the sinking."

"Oh, when word first came I hardly left the Marconi offices. I didn't tell the boys, not until I knew Charles was safe. Then I took them right to church to thank God for his safety."

I leaned back on our bench, feeling a brisk breeze begin to blow in from the coast. "He really was a godsend during that time, he kept our spirits up, although he is a terrible cheat at bridge."

"Oh, he hates it so much that the only way he'll play is by cheating his way through." She glanced at me, "Was it really so terrible, the sinking? That sounds foolish, it must have been ghastly to go through."

"I still have nightmares about it." The shiver that ran through me had little to do with the breeze, "Sometimes I can still hear the screams. But we all must keep moving forward, this is simply a burden to bear."

"I pray it gets lighter then, for all of you." She stood, looking up at the slowly darkening sky. "Oh dear, it looks like rain. Come, I'll see you back to Will's. It's not that I don't want you to meet the boys, but I have no doubt they will come back covered in mud and I would hate to get you dirty." I insisted on hailing a cab, and ordered her driven home after we had stopped at Will's house. The rain had started as a drizzle, but had quickly turned into a torrent and was practically flooding down the streets. Will hadn't taken an umbrella, I hoped he could find one wherever he was. I tried to get a fire started and failed rather quickly, but I found something to occupy myself. Kate had obviously been here, and she had piled the mail on a table by the door. Two yellow telegrams were right on top. One was addressed to Will, and one to me. I quickly unfolded mine and read.

Anastasia,
This is wonderful news. Please settle things there and return as quickly as possible. I wish to hold a party to celebrate, wire when you have book passage so I can begin the arrangements. I will have an announcement placed in the Times the day of your return.
Ruth

An engagement party, it was necessary even if it was rather soon after the sinking. We hadn't given any entertainments since Father's memory had begun to slip, this would be the first one in quite a long time. I'd been to plenty of them, ranging from two old money families, in which everything was slow and proper, to new money families where the main point of the evening was how much money was being spent. One bride's family had sent all the female guests home with golden bracelets, studded with emeralds, while the men had received gold cigarette cases. The most interesting ones were when the two types families were united, not for the gifts given, but for seeing the two groups mix. It usually led to some social chaos that lasted until the wedding, and it made the wedding all the more fun.

I looked outside, noting how the rain was still continuing to pour down. I still couldn't quite get the matches and tinder to full take off into a fire, so I grabbed a blanket from upstairs to throw over myself. I brought a book and my embroidery down as well, to occupy myself until Will returned. My embroidery was almost finished, and I spent a few hours picking out the last stitches before my fingers began to cramp from holding the needle so tightly. It was growing dark too, and I had to turn the lights on before I opened my book. The rain was still pattering off the roof, and I was thankful for my blanket and the fact that the flue was tightly shut. I was almost dozing after awhile, even as I tried to keep my eyes on the book.

I was startled by a sudden knock at the door, the blanket and book sliding off as I started up from the chair. I scrambled over to the window, looking out onto the front step. Charles was standing there, soaked, with Will's arm draped over his shoulder. Will barely had his eyes open, and was leaning heavily on Charles, who gave me a smile when he saw me look out. I unlocked the door, and the two of them stumbled in, Will fairly dragging his feet as he was pulled along. Charles grunted, "Hello Anastasia, had to drag this one back home." He moved over to the settee, depositing Will, before heading right for the door. "Afraid he had a bit too much at the pub, not that I can blame him. He'll be fine in the morning."

Will groaned loudly, half sliding off the settee, and I turned back to Charles, grabbing his sleeve to stop him from leaving immediately. "What happened?"

"What he was expecting, White Star no longer has need of his services so they gave him a lashing and told him to leave." Charles sighed, walking over and lifting Will's legs back onto the settee. "Sacked Moody too, dropped him at his apartment earlier. Poor boy's a wreck."

"Oh God, that's terrible." I tried to sound surprised, but Will had been expecting it for so long it seemed like a forgone conclusion. Poor James though, I had thought he might stay on. He was so young, and had been looking at a career. Now not only Will had had his plans demolished. Getting drunk seemed hardly a problem when compared to what had happened. I shook out my blanket, tossing it over Will. "I can't imagine it was easy on them."

"Not in the slightest, so the two of them drank themselves sick at the pub." Charles roughly pulled Will's head up, sticking a pillow underneath. "He's going to be hurting in the morning."

"My father used to get hungover." I walked over to Will, taking in his flushed face and glassy eyes. He blearily looked at me and reached for my skirt, tugging me closer to him, my progress only stopped by the arm of the settee. "I can handle him in the morning, what about the others?"

"Oh, they're keeping the rest of us on. We'll be alright." Charles leaned down, speaking slowly. "I'll be back in the morning Will, alright?"

He groaned, "Bugger off, Lights." Charles laughed, nodded to me, and headed out. I followed, locking the door before I headed back to Will. I knelt by the settee, he had turned onto his side and was loudly breathing, almost snoring. Will's hand quickly wrapping itself in my hair and pulling me closer. His blue eyes were glazed, his face red where it was pressed to the pillow. "See Ana, I told you it would happen." His accent was more prevalent, but slurred slightly.

I pulled his hand from my hair, holding it close and pressing a kiss to the knuckles. "It will all seem better in the morning."

"Y'know what they said? Said I was a worthless Scotsman, that no line would take me and they'd see to it." Will's voice grew harsh, "I gave them twelve years of my life!" He sat up suddenly, the blanket sliding off as he pulled me harshly against his legs. "I worked for them, slaved for them, and they just throw me out." I could hear a sob wrench out of his chest, "Ada died while I was out at sea, for them! I didn't even know she was sick, and all I got was a telegram." He had started to actually cry now, fat tears escaping. "And she didn't even want to be buried here! She wanted to go back to her family in New Zealand, so I just had to send her off on a ship." I wrapped my arms around his knees, pressing my head to them. It was all the comfort I could offer. I could feel him wrap his fingers in my hair, the weight on his head on mine as he leaned down. "I didn't even get to tell her I loved her one last time."

I stood and sat next to him, and he collapsed onto me, his face in my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close and rocking slightly. "Shh, Will. That's all in the past. Ada must have known how much you loved her, and I know how much you love me. And you know I love you."

"I was a terrible husband, always gone." He pressed his face to my neck, "I had thought once I moved up I would get more time with Ada, but it was even more work." He shuddered in my arms, "I'll still be a terrible husband, you should just head home. You'd be better off if I jumped into the ocean." I felt a chill run down my neck, he hadn't been like this since the lifeboat.

"Will, you're drunk." I pressed my lips to his cheek. "This isn't you, it's the worst parts of you brought out by the drink." I felt his own lips find my neck, and I shivered as I felt his tears wet my skin. "It will all seem better in the morning. And listen, Mother wants to throw us a party back in New York. For our engagement, isn't that something?"

"I'm not worth a party." He mumbled, "I'm hardly worth the breath in my lungs."

"Now, Will." I drew his head up, pressing my palms to his cheeks. "You are priceless, and the dearest thing to me in the world. I don't want you to worry, I'll get to work finding you a place with me, you and Moody. It won't be an issue." He leaned forward suddenly, kissing me roughly, our teeth clicking together as I felt his tongue sweep over my lips. He tasted like sour beer and tobacco, and he dropped down to my neck, biting at my skin. I gasped at that, then moaned when he sucked on it. "Will, God."

His lips moved from my neck up to my ear, "Oh, Ana." He groaned, turning us so that I was on his lap, and he was practically nuzzling at my neck. "There's only one place I want to be with you." His hands moved from my waist to my bodice, flicking the buttons between his fingers as he struggled to free them. I let him continue, it seemed far better for him to be amorous than to be morose. It was no great hardship for me either, and I couldn't help but moan as he finally got the bodice open and set to work freeing my breasts. Although as his hands started to run up my skirt I stopped him grabbing his hands but he quickly shook them off.

"Will, you need to get some sleep." I muttered, feeling his fingers graze against my thighs through my stockings. "Come on, let's get to bed." I stood, pulling him upright.

He stumbled into me, sending me back against a wall. He kept kissing, his fingers working at the skirt of my dress still. His hands eventually found their way to my rear, digging his fingers in and pulling me flush to him. "Bed, I'd like to go to bed with you Ana. Bed you like a real man, not that fumbling. Haven't you been wanting that?" Will's voice was husky, and I felt a thrill run through me. His hand slipped inside my bodice, caressing me. "Come on, let's get going." He stepped back, turning for the stairs.

I moved away from the wall, "Will, you're drunk right now."

"Not too drunk that I can't be a real man." He caught his hand on the bannister, using it to steady himself as he climbed after me. I couldn't help but giggle when he lurched forward, almost falling on the steps as he tried to grab for my skirt. He pulled himself back up, "I'll have you doing more than laughing soon. I'll make you scream, that's at least something I know I can do."

"Will, come on then." I had gained the landing, and began walking backward to the bedroom. It would be simple to entice him into the bed, and then get him to sleep. He had practically fallen asleep on the settee earlier. "Follow me."

I had to give him credit, he must not have been as drunk as I had thought because just as I had the door open he practically tackled me to the bed. The sheets billowed around us, and he batted them down. He suddenly seemed to grow a dozen extra hands, rucking my skirt up at the same time as tugging the bodice of it loose. The dress was quickly discarded, and his fingers seemed blazing hot as he grabbed at my shoulders and breasts. His lips hardly left mine, even as he bunched my petticoats around my waist. I tried to push them back down. It was too much, it was all too much too fast. The way Will was suddenly on top of me, his hands dropping to fumble at his trousers even as he began to move between my legs, pushing them apart. And then is tongue was in my mouth again, all beer and tobacco and lust. I could barely breathe, and I pulled away. "Will-"

"Just give me a minute Ana, I swear I can get it open." He sat up, dropping both hands to his trousers.

"Will, stop!" I panted, trying to catch my breath. Will still had his jacket on, his waistcoat unbuttoned and the top of his trousers undone, and he blinked at me, confused. I pulled my arms up, crossing them over my breasts. "Just stop Will, please."

"Ana," He dropped down to sit on the bed, shaking his head heavily. "What, what is it? I thought you wanted this."

I sat up, pulling my petticoats back down to my calves. "I do, but not like this. You said you wanted to do this after we were married."

"But I'm willing now," He reached out, touching where the petticoats covered my knee. "Aren't you?"

"No," I shook my head, "Not now. You're drunk."

"I'm not that drunk." He looked me up and down, comprehension dawning on his face. "Oh God, Ana. What did I do?" He dropped his face into his hands. "I'm sorry, please, please Ana. I'm sorry."

"It's alright," I reached over and touched his shoulder. "You stopped when I said to. That's all that matters."

"You shouldn't have had to say it. I should have been able to tell." He mumbled. I tugged on his shoulder, pulling him up to me. He was still muttering as I stripped off his clothes, leaving him in his shirt and trousers. "I shouldn't have done this, you shouldn't be here. Go back to New York Ana, forget me." He kept up this refrain as I gently laid him back on the pillow.

I pulled the blanket over him, "I could never forget you, Will. And I am only going back with you." I stood, leaning over to kiss the top of his head. His breathing had already begun to slow, and he wrinkled his brow when I pressed my lips to it. "Now, go to sleep. I'll leave a glass of water on the nightstand, you'll want it in the morning. And I'll be downstairs, just call if you need anything."

"I don't want water, Ana." Will grumbled, not even opening his eyes.

"You're not going to want the headache you'll have either, but you're going to get both."

Chapter Text

To say that the next morning was uncomfortable was an understatement. I had made up a bed on the settee, and my legs were cramped from having to remain curled up all night. I was still in a nightgown that I had managed to get out of my trunk without waking Will, and my bare feet enabled me to quietly sneak up the stairs. Father had always been so sensitive to loud noises the day after he had been drinking, so I did my best to silently push the bedroom door open. Will was wrapped in the sheets, and the glass of water had been drained. He was loudly snoring, which enabled me to get my dressing gown and collect the glass without waking him. After all, if he wasn't waking himself up with that noise, he would hardly notice me.

I was in the kitchen refilling the glass when the bell above the door rang. Kate came in, a small basket of eggs in her hand, a rasher of bacon wrapped up next to them. I set the glass down, "Hello Kate, I can take that for you."

She pulled the basket back as I reached for it, "Miss, you don't need to cook."

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist on it Kate, Mr. Murdoch overindulged last night so I'm trying to keep everything quiet. Take the rest of the morning for yourself." I gave her a smile as I reached the basket again.

Kate moved it out of my reach. "Do you even know how to cook?"

"I have helped our cook, Kate. I can manage to fry bacon and eggs, I can even brew a pot of coffee." I snapped my hand out, grabbing the basket. I quickly placed the eggs and bacon on the counter and handed the basket back. "Now, head off and enjoy yourself." Kate clearly did not believe me, and watched as I pulled out a frying pan and a bowl. I even managed to get the oven lit, and it wasn't until the bacon was sizzling that I heard the bell ring as she left. I left the bacon for a moment to run another glass of water upstairs.

Will hadn't moved, but he gave a grumble as I set the water down. "Mhhm, Ade." I paused for a moment at the door, listening. "Need to, letter, Ana." I shook my head as I snorted, just a bunch of nonsense. I looked over at the closed door as I left, I hadn't been in it the entire time. With Will firmly asleep, it would be the perfect time to look in. He had never said to stay out, I just hadn't had the thought until now.

The door swung open quietly, and I was almost disappointed. It was simply an office, with a plain desk and chair, a small bookcase and an inkstand. The only interesting item was a sewing machine in a corner, covered under a layer of dust. It must have been Ada's, and I lingered on it for a moment. I could clean it, I knew how to use one, and surely Will would be pleased to see it being put back to work. Or would I be trampling on her memory by using it? He might be keeping it as a memento of her. In the end, it was best to just close the door and leave it be. Back downstairs, I had just cracked the eggs into the bacon grease when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it to find Charles, smiling. "How's your patient?"

"Still asleep," I stood aside as he came in, "I've got breakfast frying up. I can have coffee ready in a bit."

"Smells good." He barely paused as he started up the stairs. I returned to the kitchen, finding a rather battered coffee pot that I set to boiling on the stove. The eggs were coming along nicely, and I busied myself by looking around the kitchen for salt and pepper. They were in a cabinet, and I noticed a few glass bottles on the shelf above them. They looked to be medicines, I disregarded most until I found a small bottle of aspirin. I tucked it into the pocket of my dressing gown, and pulled the eggs off the heat before I started up. The aspirin would be a godsend for his headache. I had just gained the landing when I heard Will's voice, slightly muffled but understandable. I kept quiet as I crept closer to the door, listening. "Lights, you don't know what I did last night."

"You got drunk Will, rather understandable given the circumstances." Charles sounded almost amused by it.

"No, what I did to Ana. I was horrible." Will groaned, and I heard the bed creak.

"I highly doubt you did anything to Anastasia, aside from maybe trying to bed her."

"That's what I did Lights, and I didn't stop until she told me to. I thought she wanted to, and I wanted to, but she had to push me away. She's going to hate me."

"Was this the first time you two have, you know?"

I could practically hear Will flush, "No, we've known each other. Not fully, but I wanted to last night."

"You're engaged to her, she's beautiful, it seems the logical course."

"Charles," Will's voice was cold, "What I'm going to tell you, you can't repeat. Not to anyone."

"Will, what is it?"

"Promise me."

"I promise, now what's got you so serious? Wanting to bed your fiancée really isn't that unusual, you know."

The bed frame creaked, "Ana's been attacked, twice, by men trying to force themselves on her. And I did the same last night."

"Christ, Will."

"She's going to leave me, and she'd be right to. I find out I've got no prospects, I get drunk, I attack her like that. She must think I see her as a meal ticket. God, Ana must think me the worst kind of brute. She's probably halfway out the door by now."

I heard another creaking, and a grunt from Charles. It sounded like he had sat next to Will, "Will, she was downstairs cooking eggs for you when I got here. I highly doubt she's going to make you breakfast and then run off."

"God, my head. I shouldn't have drunk that much."

"Will, you need to calm down. You're just going to make it hurt worse. What did you first talk about after you had lunch with her that first day? Hm? You came back to our quarters, crowing about this beautiful girl who had practically pounced on your company for the rest of the trip. It was all we could do to get you to shut up for five minutes."

"You're exaggerating."

"Hardly, Will you've always fallen hard for women. You told me you wanted to marry Ade hardly a week after you met her. And Ana, I think it was barely three days before you said you wanted her as your wife. And she seems to have fallen just as hard as you. Even after everything that happened, she crossed the ocean just to get back to you. That's got to count for something. Even with what happened."

"I don't know what she sees in me. She's beautiful, and smart, and kind."

"And rich."

"Don't remind me, she keeps trying to use her money to help. It makes me feel like less of a man."

"Will, do you really need me to list what she might like about you? You've got a boatload of common sense, nerves of steel, remember when you barely saved the Arabic from collision? Even when you saw the ice that night Will, you didn't hesitate. You knew just what to do. You're as stubborn as an ass sometimes, but you're loyal Will, and she's loyal to you. You've been a good friend to me for a long time, and I can tell you honestly that she adores you, completely and utterly. I think you're stuck with her, Will. Maybe just try and get her to ease up on using her money, although being a kept man doesn't sound too bad to me." Charles sounded rather exasperated, and I couldn't help but notice that he hadn't brought up Will's mood after the sinking. His nerves of steel had failed then, but then pretty much everyone's nerves had been strained by that.

Creeping on my bare feet across the floor, I gave a gentle cough as if I was coming around for the first time. I came around the bedroom door, smiling. "I found some aspirin, should help with the headache." Charles and Will were sat on the bed, and Will was almost hanging his head, but he looked up when I came in. He wouldn't meet my eyes though, looking back down with a grimace. I set the bottle on the nightstand, and placed my hands on Will's cheeks, lifting his head. His eyes were a little glassy, but he didn't wince at the morning light. "Now, come on down. I managed to not burn all the eggs." I pressed a kiss to his forehead, and turned to Charles. "You're welcome to come down for breakfast too, Charles."

"Well, you know how much I enjoy burnt eggs Will." He said as he stood, "Come on down when you're tolerable company." Charles accompanied me downstairs, and I managed to brew a pot of very strong coffee, something that I only made tolerable for myself by the addition of vast quantities of cream and sugar. I had just managed to set the table when Will came down, slow on his feet as he made his way to the table and sat.

I put a cup of coffee in front of him, "It's rather strong, sorry about that." He didn't even look at me, but mixed a healthy helping of cream and sugar into his mug. He didn't speak as he put a couple of eggs and a few pieces of bacon on his plate, and barely acknowledged Charles across from him. I turned my attention to my own plate, only looking up when I realized Charles had been talking to me. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

"I was asking what your plans are, back in America." Charles's smile was rather brittle, and he cut his eyes over to Will.

I sniffed, "My mother wants us to return soon, she wants to throw a party. And then I imagine it's going to be up to our cottage in Newport, for the summer."

"Sounds lovely, doesn't it Will?" He looked across at Will, who barely looked up from his coffee. Charles pulled a envelope from his pocket, sliding it across the table to Will. I recognized it, the telegram that had arrives yesterday for him. "Can't be leaving too soon though, take a look Will."

Will flipped the envelope open, the edge had already been slit. He looked over to me, his voice low. "Did you open it?"

I had barely opened my mouth to speak when Charles cut in, "No, I did. Now read it, you bloody fool and try to look happy."

Will's eyes slowly moved across the brief message, and he folded it up and placed it under the edge of his plate. "My parents are coming to visit, next week."

"That sounds lovely," I reached for his hand, but he moved it away. "I am looking forward to meeting them."

"Mmm," He filled his mug again from the pot. I sat, waiting for him to say something more, but he simply turned back to his food. I looked over to Charles, hoping for some support, but all he gave me was a shrug. The silence at the table stretched across the three of us, the clatter of silverware the only sound beyond the ticking of the clock. I felt my stomach twist, and hastily grabbed the plates when they were cleared, excusing myself to the kitchen to leave them for washing. I could hear Will through the door though, "Lights, head on out."

"Will, she doesn't seem to care-"

"I will handle it, she's my fiancée. I don't need your help with that."

"Well don't send her running back across the ocean Will, otherwise I'm not sure I can deal with you." I could hear his chair scrape back from the table, and the slamming of the door as he left. I tried to take my time in the kitchen, stacking the plates just so, lining up the silverware. I even checked that the stove was off three times before I had no choice but to go back out to the dining nook.

Will was still sat at the table, his mug empty. He slowly looked over, "Please Ana, sit."

Feeling rather like a schoolgirl called up for punishment, I sat across from him. "Will, is your headache better?"

"Yes, the aspirin was a great help." He placed his hands on the table, his fingers knit together. "What I did last night-"

"It's alright, you were just-"

"It was unforgivable." He cut me off without a thought. "Even drunk, I should have known better. Perhaps it would be best for you to return to your hotel before you leave. It would prevent anything further from happening."

"No," I shook my head, "I'm not leaving."

"Then I'll sleep down here. I obviously can't be trusted around you."

"Will, don't be like that."

"Be like what? Concerned for your safety? Worried that I might lose control like that again? Damn it Ana," He shoved his chair back, standing. "By all right you should have left last night!"

"You were drunk!" I stood, my voice raising. "So what? My father got drunk at least once a month, I know it can make men fools. I've been a fool when drunk. Why does it matter that you were foolish? You stopped, nothing happened. Can't we just leave it at that? A moment of confusion?"

He came around the table, his eyes flashing as he came close, his arms trapping me against the table. I was practically sitting on it as he leaned over me, "I can't, because I almost raped you." I could feel his breath on me, his voice shaking. "That wasn't just being foolish or confused, that was attacking you."

I caught his shirtfront in my hands. "But you didn't Will, you listened. Even drunk and," I felt myself blush, "Half-mad with lust, you listened when I said no. You stopped. Do you have any idea what that means to me? How many times men haven't listened when I've said no?" I tugged on his shirt, pulling him down to I could stare into his eyes. The blue in them was almost icy, and I brought a hand up to trace his cheekbone. "I would trust you with my life after you did that Will, that's all this showed me. That you are a man I can trust, who listens to what I ask for."

"Ana," He shook his head, but brought his hand up to cup mine against his cheek. His eyes had lost their icy look, and his face softened. "You are a sweet, little fool. You should have run last night."

I half got up from the table, wrapping my arms around him. "I'm only a fool for you, Will. And I only came here for you. Even if you didn't have a home, if we had to sleep in the offices at the dock. I'd gladly do that, so long as I had you at my side." His arms were tight around me as he stood, lifting me. He was only a few inches taller than me, but my feet still dangled off the floor. I couldn't ignore the rush of desire I felt feeling him against me, only the thin layers of cotton between us. I lowered my voice, "Unless you want me to run, to let you chase me. You seemed to enjoy it last night."

His arms pressed me closer, "I can't deny that is an alluring thought. But, are you sure?"

I ran my fingers through his hair, "Not all the way, just what we've been doing."

"Alright, that's fine. But, if you want me to chase you," He leaned back, and I moved in kind, watching his eyes search my face. "You've already been caught. You're not quite good at running, are you, my love?"

I wriggled in his arms, and I felt his hands drop to my rear as he set me back on my feet. "You barely gave me a chance, oh great and mighty hunter." I watched him smirk at that, "Surely a head start isn't too much to ask for?"

"Well, if you're placing me in the role of Allan Quartermain, then you had better run little lioness." He gave me a toothy smile, "For I'm not in a very merciful mood at the moment."

"Perhaps you'll be the one begging for mercy." I stepped back, shedding my dressing gown as I did. "A count of ten?"

"Seems fair." He looked up to the ceiling, "One, two, three..." I was off like a shot up stairs, his voice following me. There was no place to run though, but there were places to hide. I slipped into the office, closing the door behind me and standing behind where it would open. I would be hidden by the open door, even if he came in. My heart was racing though, and I tried to steady my breath to quiet myself. I listened as Will's steps moved slowly up the stairs, their tread heavy as he came up.

"Here, little lioness," He called, and I listened as he moved into the bedroom. It was all I could do to stay still as I heard him move to the bathroom, and then I hard the knob on the office door turn. I did my best to freeze, holding my breath as the door slowly swung open. My hiding place ensured I was at least partially obscured, and I saw Will's back as he stalked in. "You know, there is one benefit to having a small house." The door suddenly whipped closed, and he had me pinned against the wall in a moment. "Not many places to hide."

I squeaked as he let his hands drift to my shoulders, shedding my nightgown which crumpled to the floor in a rush of cotton. "So you've caught your prey, and what is the mighty hunter going to do?"

"Hmm," He let his nose wander down my neck, sniffing. "Well, seeing as I currently have no job to worry about, and my beautiful little fool in my arms," He lifted me again, loing down as my breasts were pushed up by his chest. "I can't think of anything better to do than to take her to bed, and keep her there all day long." This time when he tumbled me onto his bed, I was eagerly pulling him down with me. He quickly shed his own clothes, and joined me in the mess of sheets and blankets. As opposed to the first time, or the hurried moment in the night, we were almost languid with each other. Will dragged his finger over a small scar on my forearm, "What's this from?"

"The kitchen cat," I smiled, "I was annoying her when I was little, so she put me in my place." I brushed my thumb over a scar across the back of his left hand, pale and small with age. "And this?"

"Rigging knife, when I was first starting out." Will chuckled, then lifted his wrist to show a small burn scar across it. "Was trying to cut myself loose from a piece of rope, managed to get this at the same time."

"Poor boy," I leaned over, kissing the back of his hand and his wrist. Will quickly flipped me on top of him, capturing me in a kiss and locking his arms behind me. I could feel him stirring against my thigh, but not very much. I pulled back, "Do you really want to? We don't have to."

"Right now, I just want to hold you." His voice rumbled against me, and I pressed my head to his shoulder. "But it is definitely something I want."

I pressed a kiss to his cheek, "That's fine." Will gave a hum at that, letting his hands travel down my back, resting on my waist. I sighed, "So your parents are coming down?"

"For a few days," His eyes were closed, "The travel from Dalbeattie is rather rough, a ferry to Liverpool and then trains from there to London and to here. Usually I travel up to see them, but they want to meet you here, in my house."

"Well, we have time to get you a new suit then, and get it tailored." I moved my hips, settling further against him. He was slowly growing harder against me. I gave a slight sigh as I felt his hand come up to my breast, "Ah, Will. That's nice."

His hand gently kneaded it, "Hmm it is, and I don't need a suit. I have a decent one here."

"Not as tailored as it could be. You know, I couldn't help but see the sewing machine in the office," I leaned into his touch, "Was it Ada's?"

His fingers faltered for a moment, but resumed. "Yes, she didn't get to use it much before-"

"Ah, you know, I could tailor your suit for you. I know how to use one." I cut in, moving my hips again and hearing a groan leach out of him. "If that's alright with you."

"Ana, God, you're," His eyes were clenched shut, "I'm not sure at the moment."

My hand snaked between us, fingers dancing along him. "Well, think about it. I suppose I could hand sew it, but the machine will make it faster. Or we could go to Savoy Row. I could use a new dress for it, a trip to Selfridge's wouldn't be too much I would think."

Will was panting by now, and I set myself to stroking him in the way I knew he liked. He could barely let out a few words between his lips, "That's, that's a lot of money. God Ana, your touch, fuck. Don't stop."

"Don't worry about the money Will," I chuckled, laying my head on his shoulder as I watched his jaw clench. "You don't have to decide right now. Does this feel good?"

I dragged the tips of my fingernails along the length of him and his hips shot up. "Not so hard," I pulled my hand back, ghosting across him instead. "Better, God that's good." I shivered as I felt his own hand slip between us, fingers gently searching until he found what he wanted. I gasped as he slipped a finger in, my hips rolling, pressing my backside against him. "Take your hand off, that, just keep doing that."

I released him, bringing my hands up to his shoulders to brace myself. I had to hold myself up above him a little as I rolled my hips, and he took advantage of the space to slip another finger in, and set his thumb to rubbing at me. I groaned, "God Will, that's it. Just like that." Between moving my hips, and his fingers curling inside of me, I felt like I might just melt away into a puddle. I looked down at Will, his eyes almost black as he stared up at me. "I love you Will, I love you, don't stop."

"Ana," His eyes squeezed shut as I rolled my hips harder, chasing the feeling I knew was coming. "I'm, I'm almost-" I felt him seize under me, his fingers stilling for a moment as his jaw clenched and a low groan escaped him. He only paused for a moment before he kept stroking, and I quickly followed him over the edge, my voice high and keening as I did. In the end, laying on his chest, our skin sticking together, we were both utterly spent and loose. I felt his hands trace my loose hair down my back, brushing it with his fingers. "God, that was something."

"Mmmm," I couldn't keep my eyes open, pressed against him and warm all the way through. "It was." God, perhaps Will was right, we could just spend all day here. Wrapped around each other, blocking out the world. But even as I lay on him, listening to his breathing and letting it lull me into a torpor, my mind was already setting out tasks to accomplish before his parents came. I'd need to tailor his suit, or get him a new one. My traveling suit could do to meet his parents in a pinch, but I didn't want to spend the rest of the time in shirtwaists and skirts. So I'd need to get a dress. And before his parents arrived I would need to browbeat Mr. Welton into assigning him and Moody places with Dalian Shipping. But then Will was moving underneath me, rolling onto his side. I slid off him, pressing myself to his back and wrapping my free arm around him. That could wait, we had time for that. But I didn't know how long I would have to just hold him like this.

Chapter Text

In the end, Will was willing to let me use Ada's sewing machine to keep me from dragging him to Savile Row. It was somewhat strange to have him watch me a I cleaned it, the dust revealing that it was actually a well made machine in good condition. It needed oiling though, fortunately some had been left in the drawers in its cabinet. Will, in the desk chair, watched as I shook up the oil and applied it to the points on the machine, "I never would have figured you for knowing how to run one of these."

I placed a few drops in the last hole, spinning the belt fed wheel in my hand to distribute it. the machine resisted slightly, but slowly began running smoothly as I worked it. I looked over my shoulder, "My father was very practical in terms of my education. And unlike the time he thought I should take up fencing, my mother agreed with him that I should learn to use a sewing machine."

"So what other practical subjects did you cover?" He asked, his voice light.

"Horseback riding, even astride." I couldn't help but smirk at him over my shoulder, "Swimming, archery, tennis, he was very adamant that I exercise. And he pushed for mathematics, history, and whatever else struck him as useful." The machine running smoothly now, I turned to the treadle. The footboard needed little work, running quickly under my feet. The leather belt feeding the motion to the machine though was rather loose, and I released the hook from the end of it. "My mother wanted me to learn dancing and embroidery, copperplate and fine sewing. She even had a tutor teach me poetry, although he despaired about my sketching."

"Is there anything you didn't learn?"

"Languages, just couldn't get them to stick." I shook my head, thinking of the tutors who had tried to impress innumerable French lessons into me. Sitting and conjugating verbs in French, Italian and German had seemed so boring when I could have been chasing after a tennis ball or working on the draw on my bow. Mother had constantly despaired of my ignorance until my coming out, at that point my education had been considered complete and she had to content herself with the fact the I could sew a straight seam and tread water for over an hour. Ada had stored an awl in one of the drawers, and I used it to poke a hold in the leather belt and thread the hook through it. I glanced over to Will, "I don't suppose you know any other languages?"

"Scots, or Gaelic if you want to get specific about it." Will countered, "Not that I have much occasion to use it."

I watched as the needle quickly moved through the plate on the bottom of the machine, the now tight belt moving smoothly. "Say something in it."

"Chan urrainn dhomh a chreidsinn gu bheil thu còmhla rium". Will had to think for a moment before speaking, his voice rising and the burr in it thick.

I worked the bobbin case out and set the bobbin itself on the winder, "And what does that mean?"

"I can't believe you're with me," I felt Will slide his arms around my shoulders, "Do you need me to get changed yet?"

"You can, I'll have to get ahold of some pins before I get to work." I leaned back into his touch, "And wear your suit inside out, it makes it easier to adjust the seams." He came back, looking rather foolish in his suit, but I set to with pins. First was the jacket, already well fitted but I brought it in a little around his waist. I'd have to pick the lining off to adjust the seams, but that would not take too long. With the jacket finished, I set to on the waistcoat. It was easier, already making Will's waist look trim, but I still brought it in just a bit. I felt Will move under me, jerking away. "You're not ticklish are you?"

"No," He swallowed, "Just a bit nervous of the pins."

"Please Will, do you know how many times I've been stuck during a fitting? It doesn't even hurt that much." I set my fingers to undoing the buttons of his waistcoat, setting it aside. The trousers were all that was left, and I knelt down to work on them. It would have been better if I had something for Will to stand on, but he was flat on the floor. I wadded up my skirt under my knees to provide some cushion, and focused on the trousers. I could bring them in a little, and I gently pulled the fabric tighter. I had just slipped a pin into the wool when the material seemed to move, I looked up. "Will, if you don't stand still I might prick you."

"Ana, for the love of God, don't say prick right now." He was staring straight ahead, his jaw tight. I heard him breath heavily through his nose, "Don't look."

I let my eyes drift down, noting that the front of his trousers was currently straining. "Oh, dear. Did I do something to, bring it about?" I hadn't even noticed him rising, I had been so focused on the fitting.

"Looking at you, on your knees, in front of me." Will practically grunted, "It will go away, it just takes time."

"I could help it go away quicker," I let my hands find the back of his thighs, bringing my face close to him. My lips were practically on him, the fabric only stopping me. His fingers found their way into my hair, gently pulling my head up. His dark eyes were intense, and I felt my lips drop open. "Do you want me to?"

"Fuck, I want nothing more." He grunted, and I pressed a kiss to him through his trousers. His hips twitched under me, the fingers in my hair tightening. "But not now, just finish the trousers and I can take care of it."

"If you're sure."

"God Ana, just get the pins in so I can get them away from my legs." He released his fingers from my hair, and I tried to focus on getting the pins in as quick as I could. It only took a few minutes, and Will slipped off to the bathroom. I contented myself with unpicking the lining of the jacket, only opening the areas where I needed to work. I had already started on bringing in the side seams when Will came back, dressed in his shirtsleeves and a pair of trousers, on properly this time.

He set the trousers across the sewing machine before sitting in the chair, "I'm sorry about that, it's hard to control it around you sometimes."

"Does it feel good? If I were to," I blushed, looking down to my work. "Use my mouth? I'm sorry, I don't want to sound vulgar but I haven't really been with someone like that. I've heard it is nice, when performed on either party."

Will was a solid red when I looked back up, his eyes blank. "Um, yes. It does feel good, very good. And yes, I've seen that ladies can enjoy it."

"We could try it, sometime." I pulled the lining back into place, pinning it quickly before setting to whipping it back in place. The jacket really had needed little work, the waistcoat even less. I would have to use the machine on the trousers though, stitching the new seam and unpicking the old one so that it would like smoothly. I smiled at Will, still frozen in his chair. "If you would like."

"I, I should. Very much." He stood up, brushing down his shirt and deliberately avoiding looking at me. "If it's alright, I shall go find Moody and let him know that you are finding us places in your company. Do you know exactly what they will be?"

"No, not specifically." I pulled the waistcoat to my hands, quickly basting a correction to a side seam in. "I'll have to speak to Mr. Welton and inform him of my decision. It should not be too much of a problem, I'm sure there are places for a senior officer and a junior one." I caught Will's hand just before he stepped out to get dressed fully. "You know letting me do this isn't going to stop me from dragging you to Selfridges, right?"

"I know, although you know my parents would be content to see you in what you have on now." He pressed a kiss to my hair, "But if you want to impress them, then I can certainly be your audience at the shop." Tracking Moody down seemed to take him the rest of the day, and I had moved down to the parlor by the time he returned. In fact, James was trailing in his wake, his plain hat in his hands. I looked up from picking apart the old seam in Will's trousers, "James, it's so nice to see you again."

"Miss Dalian, thank you, thank you, thank you." He was practically shaking as he stood, "I was so worried, and my parents took the news from White Star poorly, but to hear-"

"James, sit." I gestured to the chairs, "I'll get some tea. It's quite alright." By the time I returned with Will's plain tea set he had managed to calm slightly, and he took the cup from me with a smile. "Now, I can't say which position you'll get, but I'm sure we have something open."

"I'll take anything Miss Dalian." James sipped at his tea, and I felt the settee settle as Will sat next to me. "Thank you for telling me, Mr. Murdoch."

"James, you may call me Anastasia, you know."

"Miss Dalian, if you are to be my employer, I cannot do that." The poor boy blushed slightly, "Although I am given to understand that sometime soon I will be calling you Mrs. Murdoch. Congratulations, to both of you."

"Thank you James, would you like to stay for dinner?" Will sipped at his own tea, slipping his hand around mine.

"Thank you, but no, sir. My parents wish me to come up before my new employment begins, I am afraid I must pack."

"Well then, I'll send you a wire when I know exactly what position you'll be given." I nodded, and James quickly finished his tea before donning his hat and leaving. I leaned back, feeling Will's arm slip around my waist. I caught his eye, 'He seemed happy."

"Why shouldn't he be? They told him the same lines they told me, poor boy was scared out of his wits that he was finished. And then you pull him back to his feet."

"I'll need to get that settled tomorrow, that way I can arrange for your salaries to continue. I'm afraid we'll have to put Selfridges off for another day."

"And that delay will be torture for me," Will pulled me to his shoulder, "I'm sure you know how much I was looking forward to it."

I snorted, "You are horrible, now, do you have an iron? I need to get these seams pressed."

Mr. Welton practically had an apoplectic fit when I arrived at the offices the next afternoon and told him what I was planning. His face made an interesting march from his regular coloring, to a pale white, and then a rush of red overcame him. "Miss Dalian, you cannot just demand employment for two men with no warning. We have many ships, but I cannot tell you exactly which ones have open positions at the moment!"

"Mr. Welton, who is one of the owners of this company?" I looked up from the register of ships that I had placed on the desk in my, now clean, office. The fact that they had rushed through cleaning it was obvious, the models and books had been all out of order and I had enjoyed making Mr. Welton wait outside while I had corrected the placement. It wasn't that I disliked the man, he had been in his position for several years, I simply felt he needed to recognize who was in charge. There was no better way to do that then to call him up and have him wait until I was ready.

I heard his feet shift, he had not been invited to sit when I had called him in. "You are, Miss Dalian. But so is your mother, and I feel she should be consulted on decisions like this. We don't even know if these men are qualified."

"They both posses their Master's certificates, and Mr. Murdoch his Extra Master's certificate." I leaned back, lacing my fingers together. "The British Board of Trade certainly seems to think they are qualified."

"And you what ship they last served on," His voice was low, and he fairly glared down at me. "Imagine what that will do to the men on the ships they serve on? I know you have little knowledge of sailors, due to your sex, but they are a very superstitious lot. I have no doubt some will refuse to serve with them."

"I have known about sailor's superstitions since I was a girl, Mr. Welton." I returned his glare, "You forget that I was raised knowing I would take over the company someday."

"My apologies, Miss."

"I am not demanding that they immediately join up to an established crew." I spun the register around, pointing to the newest entry. "I know our newest ship has not even launched, I toured the shipyard she was in back in New York. You will assign Mr. Moody and Mr. Murdoch to her compliment of officers, her captain may interview them and decide the best placing for them when she is closer to setting out. Surely he would appreciate having a senior officer and a junior officer already selected to join him? Ones with the proper qualifications and plenty of experience?"

"He might, but that ship is months from being finished, you want them to receive salaries for months without working?" His nose wrinkled, and he bent to study the register.

"We cannot risk losing qualified men." I stood, drawing myself up. "I recognize that you care about the company Mr. Welton, and I appreciate that. It is why my family has trusted you to handle matters here. What I ask for is far little compared to what others in my place have, correct?"

"Yes, I suppose." He shook his head, "But you understand the men will talk, saying that you're putting your fiancé and his friend in a prime place simply because of their relation to you."

"I am putting them there because they are good sailors." I smiled, letting my brows rise slightly, "And because I know they can be trusted, due to my relation with them. Can you please have the contracts drawn up and sent to their homes? We will need to get their payment started as well."

"Yes, Miss." He turned on his heel, and I could already hear him ordering the clerks to get to work on ironing out the wording on the contracts. I kept myself busy at the desk, reviewing accounts and client statements until the numbers started to spin in my mind. Will had escorted me to the offices and promised to pick me up by six, which meant that by the time he arrived I had a raging headache going from trying to force the accounts through my skull.

"Perhaps some aspirin would help." Will said as he opened the door, taking in the sight of me rubbing my temples at the desk.

"Very funny, Will." I grumbled, "Did the contract get to you? I told them I wanted it done before the end of the day."

"Oh yes, everything is settled. Although an assignment your new ship? Is that the wisest course right now?" He had come behind me, his hands finding my shoulders.

I leaned back, looking up at his eyes. "It's the best I can manage at the moment, the captains get a little fussy if you start trying to shuffle their officers around at a moment's notice. Plus, you'll be on her as soon as her trials start. Plenty of time to get familiar with her."

"Does she have a name yet?"

"Not that I'm aware, the plans have just listed her as Ship 127."

"You have a hundred and twenty six ships?"

"Well, starting from my grandfather's time, we have had that many. Of course our actual fleet is about fifty ships, spread across the globe."

"And is Ship 127 going to be on the Southampton route?"

"I wouldn't have picked it for you if it wasn't." I pushed my chair back, letting him take my arm and lead me from the offices. "It's being constructed in New York, it's not as if I'm going to have you come around Cape Horn to start the run back here, you know."

Selfridges was almost an altar to fashion and shopping, it was even designed to look like an ancient temple. The boat train had brought us up, and we had return tickets for the afternoon run. Which meant I had about five hours to find a dress that would do for meeting Will's parents. I had turned the idea over and over in my mind the entire trip, I wanted to impress them and show them that their son was going to be with a beautiful woman who loved him. Extravagance had to be able to win them over, some way to show them that I could take care of both of us. Will stepped closer to me as we moved in, footmen in elaborate uniforms opening the glass doors to admit us into the entryway, with its marble floors and vaulted ceilings. He took in the massive displays, piles of gloves, racks of fabric, and the endless shopgirls roaming the store. "This is quite the place."

"And this is only the first floor," I smiled, turning as a shopgirl came up. "Hello."

"Miss, sir, would you happen to be American?" She nodded to both of us.

"I am, why?"

"We have a reception room for Americans, if you would like me to show it to you. I can also have items brought to you there for your approval. If that would be alright, Miss?" She had a slight accent to her words, beyond what I could identify. After a glance to Will, I nodded and she set off, leading us through a what seemed massive maze of polished oak and electric lights. The American reception area proved to be a well lit and spacious room, with clusters of Colonial chairs and settees arranged throughout. The girl bobbed to us as she left.

"A room just for Americans?" Will began pacing around the room, his voice low. There were only a few other visitors, the largest a group of ladies who were examining a pile of fans with a critical eye.

I followed Will, taking in the decor. It felt rather like some of the old houses I had visited in Boston one year, where the decor hadn't changed since Jefferson took office. In fact, there was a portrait of Jefferson displayed, next to one of Washington. I looked down to the guest book open underneath the portrait, names scrawled out in immaculate penmanship. "Perhaps they think I'll feel at home and spend more." I looked out the bay of windows toward the main floor, feeling the familiar thrill of the feminine hunt race up my spine. "You know, we don't have to stay in here. Let's go take a look at what's on offer."

Will gamely kept up with me as I started out, examining ready to wear dresses and designs that would have had to be made with equal consideration. Gloves and hats were given a critical eye, as were fans and trimmings that could be applied to whatever you preferred. I had tried on a beaver hat with an explosion of orange feathers, and was examining myself in a mirror when I heard him chuckle. "It's not the opera, you know. It's just my parents."

"I want to impress them," I look aside at him, "You can understand that, right?"

"Of course," The hat was plucked from my hands and replaced on its display, Will now standing behind me in the mirror's reflection. "But if you show up in a Merry Widow and Paris fashions they will take you for a foolish girl." He leaned down, his voice quiet. "Which I know you're not."

"And here I thought I was your sweet little fool," I whispered back to him and, turning to the display of hats, raised my voice. "But whatever will work? This is an important occasion you know. It's not everyday I meet my fiancé's parents."

I had just a moment to enjoy the slight furrowing of Will's brow before a salesman approached with a slight bow. "That is indeed a momentous event, Miss. Should you care for some assistance?"

"If it would not trouble you," I nodded to him, "I would greatly appreciate it."

"Of course not, Miss. We are here to serve the customers. Now, if you could let me know exactly what you are looking for?" The salesman gave another bow, "I can make some selections and send them along with a girl for your consideration."

"Something sensible," Will said, "But not plain."

"Such a delightful description, perhaps a slight adjustment to it, if I may be allowed?" He turned to me, "Miss, your complexion hardly suits the fierce colors dominating fashion at the moment, I shall bring some light colored items. Some trimmings can add such charm to a plain waist."

I felt myself flush slightly, "I have always been drawn to lighter colors, or jewel tones if I must wear darker colors."

"An expression of your inimitable tastes, please enjoy a light luncheon in the reception room and I shall send a girl when I have completed my selections." He gestured back toward the room, and Will quickly took my arm to escort me.

He didn't speak until we'd settled into a pair of chairs at a table that had been laid for tea, the other visitors having left. "Are they always that way?"

"What way?" I selected a shortbread from the tray and crunched into it.

"I can't exactly say, he felt rather slimy to me." Will poured himself a cup of tea, "And the way he looked at you, like he was breaking you down into parts."

"He's a salesman Will, it's his job to try and get me to spend a lot." I took his hand, "Don't worry, I won't let him fleece me. At least not too much." We had only enjoyed a few moments before a shopgirl arrived to escort us to a room set aside for us. I could feel Will step closer to me as the salesman entered, gesturing for us to sit on a provided pair of chairs as he began to lift items from a rack.

"If you will allow me, Miss, I should like to present these as an entire ensemble instead of individual items." He pulled a coat rack from the corner of the room, settling a hat on top of it. If it hadn't been for the slight sheen to the light golden fabric, I would have thought it straw. "A silk hat, ornamented with silk forget-me-nots in the band. It also has a small ostrich plume." He tipped it forward, showing the false flowers and the small feather bobbing gaily above them. A light blue silk dress, with a tiered skirt of ecru chiffon peeping out beneath a false front, was placed beneath it, "This is a Lucille from a year ago, but would suit you very well and no doubt impress your soon to be in-laws." Plain silk stockings and a pair of black barred shoes were the ending piece, "We have these in many sizes, I can send for the correct size if need be."

I took in the coat rack, trying to picture myself in it. I knew I would want the hat, it was just such a darling thing and the fierce possessiveness I felt upon seeing it almost frightened me. The dress seemed far too loose though, I tended to prefer something more tailored. "I'm not sure about the dress. Will?"

"Perhaps something in wool?" He sounded unsure, "But the same color?" The salesman immediately excused himself to continue his search, and Will turned to me as I stood. "Ana, perhaps I should step out. I feel useless in this."

I had placed the hat on my head, adjusting the brim in a mirror. "Will, you know your parents, you know what they like. I don't even know their names." I turned back to him, "What do you think?"

"It looks nice," He brought his hand up to the brim, twisting it slightly on my head so that the plume bobbed at a rakish angle. "Much better like that though. And their names are Samuel and Jane."

"Samuel and Jane." I repeated, replacing the hat on the rack. "And what are they like?"

"My father was a captain, if you get him talking about ships you'll be like a child to him." Will chuckled, and I couldn't help but smile. "My mother has always been devoted to us, pushing us to do well in our lives. She's had to bury two children though, and sometimes falls into low spirits because of it, and she has pains from the weather when it gets cold. Sometimes she falls so sick I worry she won't recover."

"Oh Will, I'm so sorry about your brother and sister." I immediately sat down and took his hand. "And I hope this trip isn't too hard on your mother."

"I didn't know Mary, but John had a seizure and passed," He leaned back, sighing. "Six years ago, now. I was out at sea when it happened, stayed a few months with them to see Mother through. It was hard on her, on us all. She fell sick for awhile, and it took my father some time to come back to himself." He pinched the bridge of his nose, "They're older though, which is why I've been trying to get this," He gestured around, taking in the whole store, "Calmed down from the excess I was used to seeing onboard the ships I've been on."

"I completely understand," I squeezed his hand, "I'll keep the frills to a minimum." In the end, we left Selfridges with a sky blue wool dress that would need some slight tailoring to fit me better, a new pair of shoes and stockings, and the hat perched on my head as we boarded the train. Will was kind enough to keep the box on his lap as the train pulled out, although as we started moving he placed it aside on the wooden bench to allow him to stretch his legs out. I twisted my ring around, I would have to find a jeweler in New York to fix it since I didn't know how long we would be here. "You know, I'm going to need your help with the dress."

"My sewing skills are far below yours." Will shook his head, "I can manage a button, and a hem if needed. But tailoring? I'm afraid not."

"Oh, I just need your help with the pins." I caught his eye, feeling a grin break out. "After all, I might just prick myself."

Chapter Text

It was a blustery day as we waited on the platform at the station, the afternoon train from London would arrive to a bright and breezy day, perfect weather it seemed. I, on the other hand, was frustrated with the skirt of my traveling suit that kept blowing up around my knees. I heard Will chuckle as I batted it down for what seemed like the fifth time in the past hour, "It's quite alright you know, your stockings aren't showing that much."

"I wouldn't be having this problem if you'd let me wear the dress here." I reached up to touch the hatpin securing my straw hat to my hair. I hadn't thought to need one this morning when I had set it out, but after we had spent the first five minutes outside of the house chasing my hat down, Will had managed to find an old hatpin of Ada's in his wardrobe. It was plain silver, but it did to hold the hat on my head. "The skirt is much heavier on it than this one."

"After what you spent on that, I am hardly going to let you get it covered in soot and dirt." He pulled me back from the platform, which was quickly growing crowded with passengers waiting for a train. I let him pull me along, using the opportunity to stand close to him so my skirt wouldn't blow up any more. We must have watched three different trains pull out of the station before the boat train arrived. We patiently watched as crowds of people started making their way down the platform, porters following with carts tacked high with luggage.

I pointed out a lady wearing a skirt that bore a striking resemblance to a lamp shade. "Do you think she has a first class ticket?"

"Perhaps she's in third, and she can use it as an umbrella for her children." Will kept his voice low, but I had to cover my mouth to not start laughing loudly. The crowd had mostly moved off before I saw him start and stand up straighter. I followed his gaze, finding an older couple standing to the side of the platform, talking to a porter who was loading a single trunk onto his cart. Will caught my arm and began to walk over, and I took the brief walk to study his parents. His father was a burly man with a clear pair of blue eyes looking out from above a beard that must have been dark but was now scattered with silver. Where his father was large, his mother was small and fine, with a small nose but a great mass of gray hair braided and dressed above her head, a small white hat pinned to it. I looked aside at Will as he stopped, "Mother, Father, it's good to see you again."

"Oh me Willie," His mother stepped forward, drawing him down to an embrace before she stepped back to take him in. "Ye're looking even better than ye did last month." She turned, "And this must be Anastasia, my Will, she's a beauty."

I ducked my head, blushing. "It's very nice to meet you Mrs. Murdoch."

"Call me Jeanie, lass." She reached out and patted my hand, "We're to be family after all. Samuel, come meet your future daughter-in-law."

Having apparently settled with the porter to take their trunk away, Will's father lumbered over. "'Tis a pleasure to meet ye, miss. Will here couldn't keep his mouth shut about you back home."

If I had thought Will's brogue got thick sometimes, his father's was almost unintelligible and it took me a minute to figure out what he had said. "Oh, well, he has told me so little about you. I'm looking forward to getting to know the both of you."

"Perhaps we should get you to your hotel," Will smiled, taking my arm, "And we can join you for dinner tonight." We wound up following the porter with their trunk through the station, and Will saw them off in a cab before claiming another for us. He looked aside at me, "I'm sorry about them, they were just so excited back home."

"Oh Will, they're lovely." I pulled his hand into my lap, running my thumb along his knuckles. "Although your father's accent is, quite thick to say the least."

"My grandfather was far worse. Sometime's I wasn't sure if he was speaking English." He shook his head, "It took me a long time to lose mine."

"I like it when you have your Scottish accent." I glanced forward, making sure the driver wasn't looking back as I leaned over and whispered, "It makes me want to go to bed with you."

"Ana, not right now." Will had a slight flush to his cheek as he leaned away. I kept ahold of his hand though, wrapping my fingers through his as we drove along. Samuel had apparently arranged for a hotel that wound up being step above the one I had lodged at for the first night, and it actually had a restaurant where we met them for an early dinner. Actually, they wound being the ones to meet us as Will and I had been sat for a short while before they appeared.

Jeanie was holding a package that she set before Will, "Peg asked me to bring this down, ye apparently forgot it."

"Oh, the model." Will gently took it off the table, putting it on the floor. "Thank you, Mother."

"Model?" I turned to Will, raising an eyebrow.

Samuel wound up answering, "Aye, Willie's been making them since he was a lad. Had them all over his room."

"They're not as good as the ones in your office," Will had lowered his head, but he still managed to catch my eye. "It's just something I enjoy."

"I'm sure they're wonderful." I patted the hand he had on the table, "Have you made any of the ships your father sailed on?"

"He's made a number of them," Samuel laughed, "This is one of them, a clipper I took from Liverpool to San Francisco."

"That's quite a distance, how often did you sail?" I kept my eyes on Samuel as he fell into talking about his career, interrupted briefly by a waiter who took our order. To hear Samuel tell it he was one of the greatest sailors of his day, taking out larger ships and bring them in quicker than anyone else, facing down storms that sunk a dozen other ships but he got them through and into the clear. Will had apparently got his start as an apprentice under his father, and Samuel had been quite proud to have his son onboard his ships. Even after Will had left to continue his training he had continued to sail, having made port all over the globe and each stop included some adventure that he gladly recounted. He had barely finished before the food arrived, and I smiled at him over my roast chicken. "You must be proud that Will is carrying on such a legacy."

"He's a fine lad," Samuel said as he dug a spoon into his stew, "Especially to have caught one like ye, how exactly did ye notice him?"

"Oh," I glanced down to my plate, spearing a piece of chicken. "It was quite silly really, I tripped boarding the ship and he saved me from falling." I ate the piece, as well as a forkful of vegetables before continuing. "I wound up in a situation with a certain man that I know and who refused to leave me alone, and Will was kind enough to accompany me several times during the trip," I gave Will a smile, "I suppose I couldn't help myself from falling for him. Not to mention that he saved my life during the sinking."

"She's being modest," Will took a drink from his glass, "She caught sight of the New York slipping her moorings and warned me. You looked a fright," He chuckled, looking over to me, "With your hair blowing everywhere and your eyes wide. I still thought you were the most beautiful thing I'd seen though."

"Aye Will, she's a bonny lass." Samuel shook his head, half his mutton chop having vanished from his plate.

"Thank you, Father."

"Ach, boy, you sound so English."

"I've told you before Father, they don't like that kind of accent down here."

"Well you're not working for those English prigs anymore, are ye? So speak like I taught ye." Samuel's voice was firm, and he gave Will a pointed look that seemed to pin him to his chair. "Unless they are keepin' ye on. Are they?"

Will shifted uncomfortably in his chair, but his brogue was rolling through his voice when he spoke. "No Da they aren't, but don't be embarrassing me in front of Ana."

"It's hardly embarrassing ye, boy. I'm trying to make sure ye don't forget yer home, once yer settled in her mansion in America where ye can lay about all day."

Jeanie cut in, "He said ye've got a wonderful house, Anastasia." I settled into a talk with her about the dock house and the Fifth Avenue house, speaking around enjoying my meal and trying to ignore the almost visible tension between Will and his father. Jeanie helped a bit, trying to draw Samuel into the conversation but he simply shook his head and continued glaring at his son. By the time dinner had been cleared away, Jeanie gave Samuel a pointed look. "That's enough, we're only here for two more days Sam. I'd rather not have ye two fighting the whole time."

"He's doesn't have a job, Jeanie." Samuel fairly growled, "And he's takin' on a wife."

"That's been settled, Da." Will shoved his chair back from the table, collecting the package and holding out his arm. "I'm joining Ana's company."

I took the proffered arm, using it to lift myself from my chair. "Oh yes, Samuel, don't worry about it. Will is joining us as an officer on our newest ship."

"Secured that fer him, did ye?" Samuel cut his eyes over to me. "Makin' it easy for him?"

Jeanie curled her and over Samuel's wrist, "Sam, if ye insist on doing this, could ye not wait until we meet them fer dinner tomorrow?" He gave a grumble that must have been some sign of assent because Jeanie quickly stood and gave me a brief embrace as a form of farewell and kissed Will's cheek. She briefly took my hand, "Please don't worry about Sam, he's just concerned."

I nodded, letting Will guide me out through the lobby and into another cab. The ride back to the house was short and silent, and Will roughly dropped the package on the front table as soon as he got in. He raked a hand through his hair, blowing out a breath. "God, he never changes."

"He seems nice," I pulled my hat off, leaving it and the pin on the table with Will's model. I took his lapels in my hands, "As does your mother."

"Oh, Ma's lovely. But me Da, he hates me havin' gone to work for an English line." Will's voice was still thick with his brogue, and I felt a thrill race through me. "Wanted me to work for a Scotch line out of Liverpool, but White Star was the better one, hired me on as third when I would ha' been fifth with the other."

"Will," I wrapped my hand behind his neck, lifting myself to press my lips to his ear. "If you keep talking like that, I'm going to want you to ravish me tonight."

"Ana," He closed his mouth for a moment, breathing and when he spoke his voice was back to normal. "God, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, but if you use that accent again, I can't be held accountable for my actions." I dropped my fingers to his collar, working the stud through it. "I don't suppose you'd be up for a little fun tonight after all that?"

"Not tonight." He muttered, pressing his lips to my forehead. "I'm going to need a drink, probably a pipeful of tobacco as well, and I want you up in bed while I have it. If I come at you again, throw me out and lock the door." The way he chuckled at the end made me realize he was joking, and I left him with a kiss as I went upstairs. I needed to wash, and more than likely he would only be having a drink or two. It would make him warm though, and I was content to curl myself around that warmth later.

Samuel and Jeanie had spent the majority of the day calling on old friends who had moved down here, which left me an entire day to worry about having them over for dinner. Will and I had attempted to make it look like we hadn't been sharing a bed, folding a blanket across the back of the settee and leaving an extra pillow on it to appear like Will had been sleeping down there. It was either that or move my trunk downstairs and I would have posed as having been sleeping down here, but considering the weight of my trunk, that idea had been swiftly discarded. I had engaged a cook to come over this afternoon and begin preparing dinner, and Will had gone out to buy a bottle of wine to go with it.

"Will, are you sure this isn't too much?" I said as I looked over the menu I had given the cook. "Soup, a roast, sides and dessert? Perhaps I should tell the cook to leave off the soup."

"It will be fine," Will placed his hands on my shoulders, "You just need to relax."

"But what if your father goes off again?" I set the menu down, turning to look up at him.

He winced, "Last night was not a good start, I will admit that. If he still is like that, we can at least get it out of the way early."

"Is he really against you working for me?"

"He's against me getting preferential treatment," He sighed, and I stood to step into his arms. "You know that's what you're doing, right?"

"You are perfectly qualified," I held him tight, "I was just lucky to snap you up before the other lines could."

"And the fact that we're getting married had nothing to do with it?"

"I hired Moody and I'm not marrying him." I stepped up, giving him a peck on the cheek. "We just have to make him see that it's not just because I love you that I'm hiring you. Maybe we can take him to the offices tomorrow and show him around? Let him see how much I need a person like you to help me?"

"And what would I be doing in your offices?" Will quickly swept me up off the floor, and I wrapped my arm around his neck. "Fetching your coffee?"

"You'd be advising me on ship repairs," I mumbled, feeling him begin to step upstairs. "Telling me if cargo was damaged." He removed a hand to open the bedroom door, but quickly replaced it. "Letting me know if there were any problems with the crew." I felt him lift me up, and I quickly settled on my knees on the mattress, him still standing and holding me. "You're really going to be quite useful."

"Hmm, useful." He leaned down, pulling me close and kissing me. I smirked against his lips as I felt his tongue swipe its way into my mouth, trying to pull him down with me. He stayed firm though, and broke off. "I can be useful to you right now, Ana."

"Then join me down here," I tugged on his shoulders, laughing. "Come on, Will."

"Just lay back," He whispered, "And hand me the pillow." I tossed it to him, and he knelt on it in front of the bed, his hands drifting to my skirt. I had only worn a wrapper, saving my new dress until it was closer to dinner, and Will gently gathered it up, draping it over my waist. The blue in his eyes flashed, "Now, come closer to me and lay back." I moved farther toward him, and leaned back so that I was laying across the bed. I felt his hands find his way to my hips, pulling me even closer to that my legs dangled off the bed.

I shivered, feeling his breath on my thigh, his lips kissing their way upwards. "Will, what are you-oh!" Whatever I had been about to say died in my throat as I felt him press his mouth to me, his tongue flicking against me. "Ah, Will, God." He moved slowly, almost teasingly, like he wanted to taste every inch of me down there. I twisted my hands in the blanket as he latched his lips around me, sucking. "Fuck." I moaned, almost crying out as he gently sucked on me again.

"I told you ladies liked this." I felt him speak more than I heard him, his voice was quiet underneath the panting that seemed to erupt from me as he went back to his business. It was better than his fingers, the pressure of his lips as he kissed and teased, the way his tongue just grazed at my entrance without actually entering me. He moved his tongue in such a way that I clapped my fingers around his head, crying out and pressing him close to me.

"Will, Will, please. Please." I could barely form words as he repeated his motion, my voice rising and sobs almost wrenching from my chest. "Please, oh God, oh fuck, Will." All it seemed to take him was a simple movement, and then he sucked hard at the part of me that was begging for attention. I screamed as I came apart, my throat raw as my muscles seized and I fell back onto the bed, feeling the pleasure not slow as Will kept sucking and licking at me. By the time he raised his head to look at me, I could barely move. I could barely keep my eyes open, "Will, Jesus Christ."

"Are you relaxed now?" He reached into a pocket, pulling out a handkerchief and wiping his face. It had been wet, and I almost blushed to see my own desire spread over him.

"I can't move." I mumbled, reaching for him. "I can barely talk." But he stepped away, and I heard he sink run briefly before he came back, landing next to me on the bed. I pressed myself to him, almost whimpering at the feel of him under me. "Do you want me to?"

"No, it's fine." Will drew his fingers through my hair, curling it over my shoulder.

"Later then? After dinner?" I felt my eyes slip shut, my libs heavy. "If that is what it's like for you, I want you to feel like this,"

"I'll think on it." He muttered, and I fell asleep against his chest. I couldn't tell how long I slept, but it was getting dark when Will came up and gently shook me awake. I could smell dinner roasting down below, and Will quickly set his hands to the ties of my wrapper. "Are you ready?"

"To get changed or to have your parents over?" I slipped it off, moving over to my trunk and pulling out a chemise that I quickly slid into. Will actually had to help me into my corset for a change, and he fumbled with the laces for a moment.

I shifted as he tightened them, his voice low. "I'll try to settle things with my father fast."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, it's going to be between us." He stepped back, and I drew on a petticoat over my head. Will shed his own clothes, moving to the wardrobe and pulling out the suit I had tailored for him. It was black, with a pleasing stripe pattern that emphasized his height. "If I can't get him to settle, I can at least take him outside until we settle it."

I adjusted the bodice of the dress in the mirror on the wall, lining the lace insertions up so they fell nicely along my breast. "And leave me alone with your mother?" I shook out the skirt, letting the pleats drape down to swirl around my ankles.

"She's harmless." Will pulled the jacket on, and I turned to button it. "So is he, he's just rather gruff." Together we made our way downstairs, Kate had set the table and was uncorking the wine. I gave her a nod, moving to check in on the kitchen. The cook when I engaged him had despaired of using such a small kitchen, but everything seemed to be humming along well so I left him to his work. Will had moved to the parlor windows, moving the curtains aside. "They're here."

He moved toward the door, opening it wide and I plastered a wide smile on my face. "Jeanie, Samuel, welcome!"

"Anastasia," Jeanie stepped forward, giving me a brief hug. "Such a lovely dress!"

"Oh your's is quite beautiful too," I stepped back, taking in the dark green wool she wore. It was of a more conservative cut, a high neck and long skirts, but the lace collar she wore was quite intricate and set itself off against the wool with it's brilliant white. I could see Will and Samuel already falling into some discussion, although thankfully their voices hadn't raised themselves yet.

Jeanie moved into the parlor, taking a chair. She looked over as I sat next to her, "Now, ye' can't have been spending all yer time with me son, what else have ye been doin?"

"Oh, we have some company offices here that I visited, and I spent some time with Mrs. Lightoller."

"Will has written to me about her boys, did ye' meet them?"

"Unfortunately I was unable to, they were off with their friends."

"Ah, well, there's always next time." Jeanie looked up as Samuel and Will joined us, sitting on the settee. "Have ye settled things between ye?"

"Yes Ma," Will glanced aside at his father, "He's at least agreed to come to the offices tomorrow and see the company."

"Really Sam, is it such a bother to have our boy working for her?" She cocked her head at me, "They are ta' be family soon, ye' know."

"I want ta' see how it runs," Samuel grumbled, "But I'll hold off fer tonight."

"I think you'll be very impressed Captain Murdoch," I will admit that it was blatant flattery that I was engaging in, "We're a very large company, with offices all over the world. And Will is being assigned to our newest ship, when I brought up his qualifications and experience it was all I could do to keep our manager here from coming to find him straightaway!" A lie, but all in service of keeping things calm.

Samuel gave a low hum at that, "Well, I'll be seein' it fer meself tomorrow. Now, have ye got dinner ready yet?"

"I think the cook has just sent out the first course," I leaned back, seeing Kate set the table with four bowl of soup, "Shall we?" Both gentlemen escorted us over and handed us into our seats, and Samuel at least appeared mollified enough by the food to keep mostly quiet through the first course, and the second once the plates of roast beef and potatoes made their way out. I was just beginning to think we might have moved past anything embarrassing being brought up when Jeanie spoke up.

"I've been meanin' to ask ye Anastasia," Jeanie smiled over her plate, "That's a name ye not hear very often, unless yer readin' somethin' about the Czar in the papers. Why'd ye get that name?"

I swallowed the mouthful of potatoes I had, "Well, it's a bit of a family legend. We're not sure if it's true."

"Sounds like quite the story," Samuel had cleaned his plate before any of us and he raised his eyebrows at me.

Setting my silverware down with a small clatter, I blotted my lips before I began. "Well, according to my grandmother, her mother was a ballerina in Saint Petersburg who caught the eye of a Grand Duke. One thing led to another, and she quickly found herself pregnant with his child and unable to dance. Her lover was not too hard hearted though, and arranged for her to emigrate to America and possibly set up a ballet company there. She had barely settled in Philadelphia before giving birth to my grandmother, and quickly found that American tastes did not follow Russian ones. She wound up marrying a shopkeeper, and my grandmother was raised as normal as a possible bastard Romanov could be. She eventually answered a marriage advertisement from a gentlemen in Nebraska, my grandfather, and moved out to be with him. My mother named me after her."

Will, holding his wine glass, stared. "Your grandmother is related to the Russian royal family?"

"So she says," I sipped my own wine, "But perhaps it was just a story she told my mother when she was little so she felt special. But she is named Anastasia, as am I. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but I highly doubt I'm going to be placed in line for a throne anytime soon."

"Ye're marryin' royalty, Willie." Samuel chuckled, "Ye've got a good cook, Anastasia."

"Our one back in New York is very good too, I'm afraid I only engaged this one for tonight. Kate is quite skilled though, so it has not been a hardship to be here."

Will chuckled, "Yes, Charles threatened to stay longer in New York if the food stayed so good." We all had a laugh at that, and the cook sent out a round of small cakes that finished the meal. They proved quite filling, and Jeanie was practically dozing at the table as Samuel collected her and they set out for their hotel. The cook had departed as soon as the cakes had been served, and Kate had already collected the dishes to wash in the morning, leaving Will and I alone. He had taken a seat in one of the chairs, his pipe flaring to life and the smoke perfuming the room.

I sat in the other chair, reaching across to take his hand. "I think that went rather well."

Will blew out a breath of smoke, "Only because I managed to delay it."

"We just have to get through tomorrow, and then we can see them off." I gave his hand a squeeze, "Would you like me to-"

"God Ana, not tonight. Once they're gone, maybe." He cut his eyes over, and I felt a thrill of desire race through me as his brogue came out. "As long as yer willin' lass."

Chapter Text

The ride in the motor cab down to the docks was more than a little tense. Will and I wound up facing Jeanie and Samuel, and despite Jeanie's best efforts to try and engage all of us in conversation, silence eventually won out. I tried to keep an eye on Samuel as we pulled up to the offices, he kept his face neutral as the cab stopped and the driver let us out. I could see his eyes, the same clear blue as Will's, begin to rove around and take in the docks. The Star had sailed back for New York, but plenty of other ships had taken her place and the crush of colliers, porters and sailors lent an air of industry to the proceedings. I caught sight of Mr. Welton making his way toward us, I gestured to him as he came up. "Captain Murdoch, this is Julian Welton, our manager in Southampton. Would you care to see the offices first or see if Mr. Welton could arrange for you to see some of our ships?"

Samuel cast a despairing glance at the brick warehouse, "I'd rather be seein' yer ships first."

"Mr. Welton, could that be arranged?" I gave him a smile, hoping he'd catch on. "My future father-in-law was a great captain in his day, and he is interested in exactly what our ships are capable of."

"Of course, will you ladies be joining us?" Mr. Welton gave a nod toward Jeanie and I. "We have five of our ships in, and one will actually be departing shortly if you would care to see her off."

Jeanie shook her head, "I've done enough clamberin' through ships, I'll be stayin' out here."

"Perhaps you'd like to wait in my office with me? I could arrange for tea to be brought up." I turned to her, she was nodding and appeared to be somewhat tired. "Well, let's let the men head off and we'll get all settled." I offered her my arm, and gave Will's hand a squeeze before heading off. I wouldn't have minded going through the ships with them, seeing all the holds and boilers, speaking to the captains about their routes and their crews, but there were times when men had to do things without any feminine interference, and I could feel this was one of them. We walked slowly through the warehouse, and even slower up the stairs to the offices. In fact we paused on a step for a moment before she seemed to collect herself and start up again. Jeanie sat heavily in a chair in a corner of the office while I asked a clerk to bring us some tea. I ignored the large chair behind the desk, instead sitting by Jeanie at the table. "Are you alright, Mrs. Murdoch?"

"I told ye, Jeanie lass," She had her eyes closed, breathing deeply through her nose. "I had some pains last night, and they didn't let up in the mornin'."

"Is there anything I could send for? Some aspirin, maybe?" I started from my chair, "I could have a doctor called."

"Don't bother yerself, it will fade with time." She opened her eyes, taking in the office. "Sit, sit. 'Tis a fine place ye have, though I imagine it's nothin' compared to yer place in America." I watched her look around, considering the large bookcases stuffed with ledgers and models, the huge windows letting in the light and looking out over the docks. The rich royal blue damask curtains that kept watch on them were held aside with white silk ties, the colors of Dalian shipping repeated in the upholstery and rugs across the office. I stared out them for a moment, watching the gulls sweep by and the clouds scudding across the sky.

"It was my father's office, he always came down when we visited London. It's very similar to my office in New York." I felt the slight twist at my heart as I moved back to my chair, and was grateful that a clerk bustled in with a plain tea service on a tray that he left on the table. It gave me a moment to collect myself, to try and keep my feelings in check. I poured for myself and Jeanie, and gladly took a sip. "I've made several visits myself during my stay here."

"Will said ye lost yer father in the sinkin'." Jeanie blew softly on her own cup. "I am sorry fer that, losin' a parent is hard on a child."

"It is," I stared at the tea in my cup, inhaling the scent and hoping to keep the tears from my eyes. "I miss him very much."

"Perhaps we should discuss somethin' else," She reached over, pouring herself another cup. "Samuel seemed very impressed with yer operation here."

"How could you tell that? I was watching him and he barely reacted."

She chuckled, "Ah, it comes from livin' with him for so long. And speaking of livin' with a man, are ye livin' with Will? Seems to me ye were fairly familiar with his house. Not to mention ye didn't leave when we did last night."

"Yes, I am Jeanie, but he has been nothing but a perfect gentleman." I set my cup down, my hands returning to my lap to worry at my skirt. I'd worn a plain shirtwaist and a black skirt, hoping that Samuel might have thought it professional. "I feel completely safe with him." If there ever was anything I felt constantly with Will, it was safe. Safe from unwanted attention, safe in our love, safe in the knowledge that he was by me and breathing, that we were still alive.

"It is odd." Jeanie stared at me, her dark eyes calculating. "Even if they are engaged, a man and his fiancée tend to keep separate houses until the marriage."

"We became used to being in close quarters on the Carpathia," I shifted in my chair, trying to avoid the way her eyes were pinning me to my seat. "I also find his company restful, even if it merely being in the same building. I have suffered from nightmares quite badly since the sinking, Will manages to keep them at bay."

"Ah, there it is." Her nose wrinkled, "So I take it ye'll be wanting to marry quick then? To keep him in yer house?"

"We discussed a summer wedding, next year though. And I have plenty of room in New York for him to stay at my house without raising too much attention, although we will be heading to Newport when we return."

"And what will my boy be doin' in Newport?"

"There are parties, and we will have plenty of time to recuperate." I looked down to my lap, "Sometimes I worry that Will has not recovered fully from the sinking. I know I haven't, it's been easier recently, but I'm hoping some time in Newport will help the both of us. We have a small yacht, he's promised to teach me to sail it. I know I've been looking forward to it quite a bit."

Jeanie reached over, taking my hand. I could feel her bones, her skin thin and pale. Even after holding a cup of hot tea her fingers were cold, but her voice was warm. "I have noticed it too, durin' his visit I'd find him sittin', whatever he had been doin' forgotten as he seemed to be somewhere else. 'Twas hard to draw him out of it, but if I got him to speakin' about you he'd recover for awhile. He'd smile, talkin' about how ye were always standin' by him, about how ye were the prettiest girl he'd seen, even when ye were half frozen."

"I'm afraid he had the worst of the cold that night." I tried to ignore the cold of her hands, "I had to wrap him in my fur coat and cover him in a mink stole after we found him. But we both made it through."

"He hasn't spoken about that night to me, but I heard him talkin' to Samuel as to what happened in the collision. Nothin' beyond though." She reached out, taking both of my hands and holding them tightly. I looked up, her eyes were wide, her face drawn and desperate. "Tell me, what happened to my son that night?"

"He," I fumbled for words, thinking. "He was ashamed of what happened under his watch, and he thought that he had one way to make up for it." I looked away, "He thought to join the lost, but he didn't." I was the one squeezing her hands tightly now, even as I heard her breath catch like she was in pain. Her eyes were shut, and she almost moaned in pain before catching herself. "He made it through the night, and we found him. I swear to you Jeanie, I told him I would not let him think that way again. That we would work though it together. He was a hero that night, he saved my life and so many others. I will make him see it, even if it takes years and years, I promise. I love him Jeanie, I do and I want to have him by me as long as I can."

"And is that why ye love him?" Her voice was thick, "Just because ye want him to live or is it because he saved ye?"

"No, I love him for more than that." I closed my eyes, thinking about everything that I found in Will. "He's handsome, and I enjoy listening to him talk about things he likes. I could listen to him talk for hours about sailing and never look away. But, I love him most for his kindness." I drew in a breath, "I have not had the best luck with men behaving themselves, and when I spoke of it to Will, he comforted me and let me speak without passing any judgement. He even defended me from an unwanted suitor that was onboard." I sniffed, "I don't feel that I owe him my love, or that if I don't love him he might die, I love him for who he is. I saw that clearly that night, that at the heart of it, Will is a kind man who only wants to do the right thing. He swore to me that night that he would find me after, and I held him to it. How could I not love a man like that? How could I not want to keep him around me as long as I can?"

She seemed to consider the remains of her tea for quite sometime. Had I shared too much? Or should I have shared more? How when Will looks at me he almost looks like a man in the desert seeing water? That I had been lost without word from him? That some of the best times I've had with him were just when we were sat near each other, reading and smoking? I was not going to tell her how much I melted when I felt Will's touch, how we spent our days and nights, the pleasure we found in each other's arms. Though, if I had been offered fifteen minutes of our time in the bed, or an hour sat by his side, I would have taken the hour. I didn't need Will's touch to love him, all I needed was him. I had wrapped so much of my skirt around my fingers that my ankles were clearly visible and the material wrinkled when she reached across and took my hand. "Ye poor dear," Jeanie squeezed my fingers, "Don't fuss over it none, 'twill just make it worse fer him. Just make sure my boy has more good days than bad."

"I think that's what we all need," I stood, moving to the windows and looking out to the docks. I could make out Will and Samuel on the deck of one of the ships, in a deep discussion with her captain as Mr. Welton stood by. Will bore a strong resemblance to his father, both their brows furrowed and their hands clasped behind their backs. I looked back to Jeanie, "Does he always look like that when's he's focused? With his nose all wrinkled?"

"Since he was a boy," Jeanie laughed, "Now, tell me about yer wedding. Summer weddings are lovely, but perhaps a spring one would be better, more traditional." By the time Samuel and Will arrived in the office, we had fallen into a discussion of exactly what flowers should be in my bouquet. Jeanie was pushing for some color, perhaps some peach colored roses. "White flowers are all good for purity, but ye'll want some color. Otherwise it might look like a funeral."

"I was thinking a few garlands of forget-me-nots." I looked over to Will, smiling. "They remind me of his eyes." I enjoyed the slight flush that came to his cheeks, and the blue in his eyes did bear a strong resemblance to the flower at the moment.

"Ana, you have plenty of time to decide on flowers." He moved over to his mother, "And Ma, I'll not be having you rush her down the aisle."

"Well ye should Will, especially if ye're plannin' to be at her house once yer in America." Jeanie patted Will's hand where he had placed it on her shoulder, "Sam, have ye finally decided to let yer son work for his intended?"

Samuel actually flushed at that, "I had no idea what yer business was like, Miss. Ye've got some fine men sailin' for ye. And yer ships are some of the finest I've seen."

"Thank you." I tried to look for something to say. "And I promise, I'm not pushing Will into a position he's not suited for. It will be up to the captain of our new ship to decide his place in the officers of it."

"Well, so long as he's not gettin' in just because he's with ye." Samuel grumbled, trailing off but giving Will a nod. I could practically see the relief flow through him, a loosening of his shoulders that I hadn't noticed were tense before. We didn't stay long in the office, it was growing late and Samuel and Jeanie had to pack for their early train to London. Will and I wound up bidding them farewell in the lobby of their hotel, Samuel giving me a brief embrace. "Don't let him get too used to livin' like ye do." He mumbled as as he leaned down, "He's meant for more than that."

"He is," I gave his shoulders a brief squeeze, "And I won't let him, he's actually going to teach me how to sail over the summer."

"Aye Da," Will seemed to have lost any traces of his English accent, pure Scots was rolling through his voice. "She's ta be me first apprentice. And a fine one she will be." I could barely mutter something to Jeanie about sending invitations to the wedding to them, and telling them we would gladly pay for their travel, my lips were held in such a massive grin. It delighted me to hear him speak like that, and it made me wish his parents weren't right here in front of us at the moment.

"I'm afraid you're not going to be my first teacher Will," I chuckled, "Ezekiel taught me some knots on the way over and Captain Fields had me stand watches with him, not to mention giving me lessons on navigation."

Samuel actually laughed out loud at that, clapping his hands. "Ha! She'll make a fine sailor, see if she won't."

"She's always full of surprises," Will shook his head, and he and his father shared one last handshake before we all went our separate ways, and I didn't let go of his hand even as we got into the cab. He looked at me as we pulled up to the house, "Yer smiling like a fool."

"I'm a fool for you," I muttered, moving my hand to his thigh. "Your sweet little fool."

"Ana," I heard him breathe in harshly, before he handed over the fare to the driver and helped me down. I impatiently waited for him to open the door and close it behind us, then threw myself at him. His hands were on my waist, but I was the one who pushed him back against the door. He dropped his hands lower, pulling me against him and I slipped my hand between us, teasing him through his trousers. He broke off, throwing his head back. "God damn, Ana." These acts that we had lasted for so long without were now fascinating and I wanted to learn all the different ways to bring him pleasure, regardless if it was something a proper lady should do. I knew what I was planning was not proper in the slightest, but I hardly cared. I wanted to see him find his pleasure with me, I wanted to taste him.

"Go, sit." I pulled back, gesturing for him to go to one of the chairs in the parlor. The floral curtains above the windows were open, and I quickly threw them shut. This was not something I wanted anyone to see, this was just for us. It was going to be more for Will though, than me. I hardly cared, it would be a pleasure to see him lose himself. The thought of voyeurs gave me pause for a moment, "Kate's not due for a few hours, right?"

"Right," Will's voice sounded husky, and when I came around the side of the chair I could see him moving his hand against himself through his trousers. He stopped, looking at me. "Lass, come here."

I was on his lap in an instant, shoving his hand away and taking its place. His lips were hot on my neck as he nipped at me, and I let myself moan without abandon as I rocked against him. He was already straining at his fly, and I set myself to undoing the buttons and freeing him. He bucked under me slightly as I let my fingers drift over his head, and I caught Will's eye. "Tell me what you like." I slid off his lap, collecting my skirt underneath my knees for a cushion and looking up to him.

His fingers toyed briefly with my hair, the pins that had held it in a bun quickly discarded. "I like ye looking like that, lass."

"Like what?"

"Like all you want in the world is me, like yer willin' to do anythin' fer me."

I pressed a kiss to his tip, hearing him hiss. "You are all I want in the world, Will." It was slightly intimidating to be confronted with him, rearing up before me, and not knowing what to do. The basic mechanics seemed simple, taking him in my mouth, but the exact technique eluded me. He seemed to like getting kissed though, so I pressed kisses along his length and to his sack. His fingers in my hair though seemed to guide me, gently tugging me back up so that I was face to face with his manhood. I took a breath, opened my mouth, and took him in.

The first thing I noticed was that he tasted slightly bitter down here, and smelled a bit like stale sweat. The second thing was his fingers tightening in my hair, pulling only slightly as he gave a sudden groan, breathing fast. "Ana, fuck. Your mouth, so sweet." I couldn't take all of him in, and I set my hand to rubbing the rest of him as he liked. I let my tongue trace patterns across him, sucking slightly. I had enjoyed it when he had done it to me, and when I sucked on him he would groan and thrust his hips slightly. The first time I had actually let him out of my mouth in shock, but had quickly got back to it. It was not all together distasteful, especially as Will continued dragging his fingers through my hair, pulling it up cover his thighs. I grinned around him as I bobbed my head, trying to decide what he liked best.

I could have listened to Will like this all day, his voice strained as he spoke slowly. "Ana, God your golden hair all over my lap, fuck I've wanted this." If I cut my eyes up for a moment I could see his head lolled back against the chair, his eyes barely open as he looked to the ceiling. "Wanted to have your mouth on me, fuck. Sometimes at night I'd picture you, just like this, on your knees and sucking me off, and I'd lose myself in it. This is so much better than my hand though." He kept changing what his fingers did, from guiding my rhythm to stroking my scalp, but always, always gentle, even when he pulled at it.

I gave an approving hum at that, thinking about all the times I had pictured Will touching me at night. If I had known how good his mouth was I would have thought about him doing that too. My mouth was growing slightly sore from being open for so long as he started panting in earnest, his grasp on my hair tightening and his hips thrusting more and more. I shivered as he spoke, his voice hoarse. "Ana, God Ana, I'm-" He was cut off by his own release, flooding my mouth with his seed. It tasted bitter and salty, and I pulled back from him after he finished. I had first jerked my head back in shock, but managed to control my initial reaction. I stared up at him, his eyes little more than slits as he looked down. "I'm sorry, don't, don't," He shuddered again, his body loose and relaxed. He seemed to collapse back into the winged chair, his eyes shut. I shoved myself up, heading for the kitchen and spitting it into the sink. I ran the faucet after it, rinsing my mouth out as I did. The taste was not enjoyable, but seeing Will like that was. Hearing what he wanted, that he dreamed of me like I dreamed of him.

He had only tucked himself away by the time I came back, sitting on his lap and curling my fingers in his hair. "Was it good?"

"Very," Will muttered, pressing his head to mine. "I should have told you before I, you know, that way you wouldn't have had to have it in your mouth."

"It's alright," I shrugged, "I spit it out in the sink, but I'm glad you liked it."

"I'm glad it's just us again." He whispered, kissing my cheek. "That you're here." I pressed my face to his neck, breathing in the smell of him. I could smell a little sweat, his aftershave and a slight bit of cologne, sweet and clear. Will dropped his hand to my waist, "Do you want me to?"

"No, I wanted to do that for you." I dropped my lips to his ear. "But we should start looking for a ship back, and think of what we can do alone on it."

"Mmmm," He paused, thinking. "The Oceanic should be in Thursday, we could be in New York within the week."

"I'm sure Charles would be thrilled to have us." I chuckled, settling against him and feeling his arms pull me close. I could easily arrange for a couple first class tickets, and it would be different for Will, to be a passenger and not a member of the crew. To actually indulge in all the excesses he had only been able to watch. Plus, I would have to invite Charles to dinner with us. There was no way I was going to let him ignore us, but knowing Charles he'd find some way to insert himself into our trip as soon as we boarded.

Chapter Text

The tickets had been booked, the trunks packed and already taken to the ship, and Will and I were curled up in bed together in the early morning light on the day of our departure. Kate was more than happy to know that she was not going to have a heavy set of duties for awhile, simply handling Will's mail until it could get sent off to New York and cleaning. Will was trailing his fingers through my hair while I looked around, finding I would miss this plain bedroom quite a bit. The brass bed frame that squeaked when you moved to quickly, the lace runner on the dresser. I'd even miss the wardrobe filled with Will's uniforms, which I had made him model for me last night.

He really did look a fool in his bicorne hat, even as he had fussed with it in the mirror to try and find an angle where it didn't look ridiculous. The rest of his Reserves formal uniform did look well on him though, similar to the frock coat I had seen him in before. The only changes were the elaborate epaulettes that had fringe curling over his shoulders as opposed to his plain ones, and the trim on the cuffs. Instead of the plain gold lace simply circling the cuff, this gold wire wound its way around almost in a chain, a star replacing the loop. With the straight sword against his leg and the white cotton gloves on his hands, he had looked extremely handsome and I gladly told him so. "Except for the hat, my love. I'm afraid it's hopeless."

He had chuckled as I had lifted it off his head, looking down. "And that is quite becoming on you."

While he had been changing I had slipped out, finding the greatcoat he had worn the night of the sinking and slipping into it. There had been a cold snap, and I had wanted something warmer than my nightgown and my dressing gown had already been packed. The black silk lining had been slick against my skin, and the weight comforting. Will had been looking even further down though, to where my bare leg had slipped through the skirt of it. I had pointed my toe, tracing a pattern on the floor. "Well, perhaps we should get these off so they can be packed then. If that would please you?"

"Seeing you wearing nothing but my coat is already quite pleasing," Will had gripped me through the coat, the brass buttons digging into his palms. "But I would gladly see you in it again." All of his uniforms had been packed into an extra valise, even the poor hat which Will had roughly shoved to the bottom of it before tumbling me into the bed and moving on top of me. Our last night in his bed had been spent in furtive moments in the dark, crying out our pleasure before slinking off into slumber, only to wake and find the the other awake as well, and the whole cycle would repeat.

I looked over to Will, his face slightly gray in the morning light. His eyes were bright though as he turned to me, "We should get moving."

"I suppose," I stretched out, laying across his chest and propping my head up. "Although you'll have to help me get dressed." He snorted at that, and we slowly began moving about the room. I had left out my traveling suit to wear, and Will was already dressed when I turned to him with my corset in hand. "You're going to need to tie it tight." I quickly hooked the busk around the front of me, pulling my hair up and out of the way of the laces.

Will tugged it a bit, his hands strong. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, it's fine. Just tie it when I tell you." I smirked, feeling him begin to pull the laces tighter.

"Now?"

"Tighter."

"Ana, I can't even slip my finger under it." He did flick his finger against the edge of the corset, tight on my skin. "How can you even breathe in this?"

"It's really not bad," I felt him tug it a bit more, "There, that's good. Tie it off."

I could hear the laces being quickly knotted, and he came around. His brow was furrowed, and he tipped my chin up. "That's too tight Ana, it can't be healthy. Why do you insist on lacing it so tight?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes slightly, "I don't, usually. This suit is a few years old, I was slightly smaller then. You can loosen my corset all you want tonight, but for today I need it like this." I walked up to him, playfully tugging at his tie and letting my fingers dance along his collar. "Besides, at least I don't have to worry about choking if I let my head hang."

Will actually looked affronted, "I'll have you know, I do not have my collars starched that much." But he chuckled, kissed my fingers, and lifted the valise into his arms. A cab had been arranged to meet us, and we were shortly driving down the slightly crowded streets to the docks. It was a little odd to see the crowd heading for the White Star docks, and some of them holding cameras and having the overly alert look of reporters. Will slunk back into his seat, "They must think they have to photograph every ship as she leaves, just in case something happens."

I leaned back with him, "I told you Will, vultures, all of them." The cab dropped us off somewhat far from the dock, and we made our way through the crowd. The elevated gangplanks of the Oceanic were nothing compared to what I had used the last time I had left Southampton, but it was still a relief to get out of the crowd. The first class passengers were lesser as well, the line to board rather short. I couldn't help but smile seeing the small gap between the gangplank and the ship. "Will you catch me if I trip again?"

Will wormed his hand around mine, "I'll always catch you." Together we made our way up to the steward, Will handing over our tickets.

The steward had a smirk as he glanced at the ticket, "B-4, right up the stairs. You shouldn't be able to miss it Mr. Murdoch, Miss Dalian." I couldn't help but blanch as he said our names, even as Will swept me up the stairs. The Oceanic was not as luxurious as the Titanic had been, but our cabin was still comfortable, with a large bed and a private lavatory attached.

Will set the valise aside, sitting on the bed. "Well, we're on our way. I thought you might prefer a cabin higher up, this is the best I could get. Did you get that wire off to your mother yesterday?"

"Yes, I did." I looked out the porthole, seeing the crowds on the dock. "Did you give them our actual names?"

"No, I booked us as Mr. and Mrs. Green." Will came over to the porthole, leaning over and kissing my cheek. "Why?"

"You didn't notice the steward called us by our actual names?"

He drew back, "Damn, I didn't. Perhaps he just served on a ship I was on and knew me from there. The passenger manifest won't identify us, we should be fine." I drew my hands up to my face, trying to breathe in and calm myself. The odds of reporters being on was low, very low. And even if it got out that Will and I were traveling as a couple before being married, well, it wasn't as if an engaged couple hadn't traveled that way before. But they had chaperones with them, and oh God. Will pulled me back to him, "Ana, relax. It's nothing. And think, we could just stay in the cabin the whole trip. No one would be able to identify us then."

I chuckled, "As if Charles wouldn't have you dragged out on deck if he doesn't see you today."

"Charles might drag me into the bridge for all I know." Will pressed a kiss to my hair, "Have you calmed down?"

"Yes, yes." I shook my head, "Now, what should I wear with the suit to dinner? I was thinking my pearls."

"Ana, you didn't bring any jewelry with you." He took my hand, placing it in the crook of his arm. "Besides, that hat is more than enough. Now, let's go up and watch." I had worn what I had taken to calling my forget-me-not hat, with Ada's hatpin, and the feather danced in the breeze as Will and I gained the boat deck.

I looked to him as the tugs pulled the Oceanic away from the pier, the sea breeze ruffling his short hair. "Does it feel different, to not be working when we're leaving the dock?"

He inhaled, taking a moment to think. "It does, I miss it."

"Well, you'll be back to it soon enough." I squeezed his arm, "Just think of this as a holiday."

"Haven't had one of those in a long time," He slipped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "Years even."

"Well, we've got a few months long one practically, coming up." I felt the slight kick of the engines engage, more noticeable on a smaller ship. "A summer at Newport is not very taxing."

"I'll be interested to see how much you think that after I start you sailing." He chuckled, whatever he had planned to say drowned out by the loud blast of the steam whistle announcing our departure. The ship may have been smaller than the latest ships of the White Star Line, but she did not lack for speed as it seemed only moments before the Isle of Wight had faded behind us and we were moving through the Atlantic. Will hardly seemed to want to leave the deck, even as the rest of the passengers made teir way inside. I could have cared less, the July air was warm and the sun was shining on a clear, but slightly choppy, sea. I watched from a deck chair as Will disdained the long promenades that were usually preferred by passengers, instead falling back into what seemed like a routine. He'd stand for a few moments at the rail, looking out, before turning and gazing down the length of the ship. Then he would pace, his gait rolling against the motion of the ship and his hands clasped behind his back, looking forward and back before returning to the rail again.

I must have watched him do the same motion five times when a voice sang out. "Christ Will, you're not on duty you know. Shouldn't you be with the other passengers, playing bridge or whatever it is they do?" Charles, back in his uniform, had come around a corner.

Will shrugged, "Old habits." But he held out his hand to Charles, and smiled when he took it. "Haven't been on a ship where I haven't been working in ages."

"Well, Mr. Green probably has, so you had better get inside and stop looking like so much of a sailor." Charles chuckled, actually laughing when he saw the bewildered look on Will's face. "If you didn't think everyone at White Star knew you when you bought those tickets, well, I'd be a lot sadder."

"Why?" I spoke up from my chair, grinning to see Will clearly trying to connect the two points.

"Because then they wouldn't have passed the word on to every crewman onboard, and I wouldn't know you'd be here." Charles clapped an arm around Will's shoulder, "Cheer up, it's just the crew that knows its you. All the other passengers will see is William Green and his wife Anne, headed back to New York after a holiday in London."

"Charles, you're horrible." Will shook his arm off, "We were trying to not get noticed."

"Will, you were in the papers for an awfully long time. Now, granted, they only had the one picture to run, but it's not as if you aren't known. At least somewhat. And Anastasia here has been in the papers practically since she was born."

I shook my head, "They at least waited for my debut, Charles."

"Well, poor Will here never had his debut." He snorted, "But I am serious, you should head inside. We've got some rough weather heading our way, shouldn't last too long but we are requesting passengers head inside for their safety."

"As if I haven't been in storms rough enough to throw me over," Will shook his head, but offered me his arm and pulled me to my feet.

I gave his arm a squeeze, "You'll have to stop by and see us sometime Charles, I'm afraid Will is probably going to get bored quite quickly. Laying about, playing cards, smoking, there's only so much for us to do."

"He never has been good at stopping to smell the roses," Charles chuckled, and nodded to the both of us as he headed towards the bridge. We wound up having to go down a few decks to reach the first class lounge, currently set for a late luncheon. The sparse first class booking meant that there were quite a few empty tables, and we quickly availed ourselves of one and ordered lunch. The seas were growing rougher though, and our waiter had to use the wall to keep his balance as he brought our plates over.

I watched my lemonade slide to the slide of my glass, "He wasn't joking, there's quite a roll to it."

"I've been in worse," Will hardly looked up from his meal. "Should be over in an hour or two." He swallowed, looking up. "If you want to head back to the cabin though, if it's too rough."

"I went through a stronger storm on my way over," I sipped my drink, "And on a much smaller ship."

"More than likely you were standing on the bow, cursing the sea to try you."

"I could hardly leave the bridge, I was terrified."

His plate clean, Will leaned back but stretched his hand out to take mine. "Well, I can see you through this one." I wrapped my fingers through his, simply enjoying the concern in his blue eyes. I could hear the other passengers speaking quietly, and a woman gave a slight shriek as the ship rolled farther than she had before. Will simply chuckled as the ship heeled back over, the woman crying out that she would faint. His voice was strong though as he called out to her. "She's been through much worse, not to worry."

"How could you know?" The woman's, I assumed, husband asked as he tried to stand. The motion of the ship sent him thudding back into his chair, and I could see the waiters moving quickly around to collect the plates before they started flying off the tables.

Will stood, walking over to lend a hand to the waiter currently struggling to stand against the motion. "I've been on plenty of ships, this is nothing but a slight squall." The waiter quickly scrambled upright, bearing his stack of plates away to the kitchen.

"Oh, are you sure?" The woman glanced to her husband, then looked to Will. I could see her eyes narrow slightly, "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

Will blanched, "Probably not, William Green, of New York." I stood, letting my stride roll with the motion of the ship as I made my way to him. He gave a smile, "My wife, Anne."

"I'm sure she may have just seen you while we were boarding," Her husband held out his hand to shake, still not standing as the ship continued to roll. "Evan Perry, my wife Constance."

"It's a pleasure, Mrs. Perry." I smiled at Constance, who was currently turning a light shade of green.

She visibly swallowed, "Likewise, Mrs. Green. Although perhaps not at the moment. Darling, perhaps we could return to the cabin until things settle?"

"Of course, my dear." Evan stood, using his chair for balance and helping his wife to her feet. I tried to keep my laugh in as I watched them stagger their way through the lounge, quickly followed by many of the other passengers. The whole crowd almost looked like a pack of drunks making their way down the street, sliding from side to side and using the walls to keep themselves upright as they stumbled.

I had no problem keeping my balance, my sea legs having made a much appreciated reappearance. Neither did Will, who offered me his arm, but I slid my hand down to clasp his as we made our way through the now deserted hall of the ship. "What ever shall we do now?"

"Cards?" He shook his head, "Perhaps read? I apologize, Charles was not lying when he said I have little idea what to do for leisure."

"We could walk," I looked down the richly paneled hallway, thinking it might be nice to stretch my legs. "After all, we seem to be the only two able to stay upright." Will seemed to know the exact way to go, bringing us to an enclosed promenade. We made our way slowly down it, taking time to look through the sealed windows. The sky was dark, and when I pressed my hand to the glass it was cold. Some of that had to do with the rain lashing against it, some from the waves that managed to send their crests up against the very bottom of the window. I listened to them pound the hull, rumbling enough to distinguish from the vibration of the engine. "I don't think this is just a squall."

"It does seem rather harsh." Will looked out, "Perhaps I should send a steward to ask the bridge." He glanced around the deserted promenade, "Or maybe I should go myself."

"It will be fine," I tried to sound confident, "Although some reading does sound good. Do you think you could find your way to the library?" Will almost rolled his eyes, but his feet seemed the know the exact path to bring us to the small library. The shelves were stocked full though, and we both perused them carefully. I slipped a volume out, smiling at the title, it was a favorite. "What do you think, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea?"

"I was looking at this." Will held up a collection of Edgar Allan Poe's poems. He stepped closer to me, his eyes flashing. "Perhaps you could read them to me? I'm sure you could do a fantastic rendition of Annabel Lee."

"Poetry?" I snorted, holding my book up. "I'd rather read adventure, science! Submarines were nothing but a dream when Verne thought this up, and now they exist. We could go for a trip on an actual Nautilus sometime soon." I turned back to the shelves, "I'd rather read a history than poetry."

"You could not pay me to travel underneath the waves." Will shook his head, "And there really is nothing like poetry on, what looks to be, a dark stormy night. The only thing that could make it better would be a fire." I heard a slight thump as he set the book down, the sound of his feet on the wooden floor as he came up behind me.

"It appears we are at an impasse, my dear Mr. Green." I smiled, stepping into his arms. "Perhaps we could each read to the other?"

His arms went to my waist, "I can deal with Verne, but only for you my dear Mrs. Green." Our cabin sounded very desirable at the moment, and we set off with our books in our arms. The roll of the ship was not as severe as before, but the storm still hadn't let up as we made our way upstairs and a very unbalanced steward let us know that, due to the weather, dinner would not be served. I hardly cared, lunch had been filling enough. Will found the electric heater in the cabin as I unpinned my hat, shaking my hair loose.

I pulled the strands in front of my eyes away, brushing them back. "Ah, that is nice. Although you are right, a fire would be better."

"A fire outside of the furnaces," He shook his head, coming to sit by me on the bed. "We'd burn to the waterline in an instant, coal dust gets everywhere on here." I laid back on the plush red blanket, feeling the bed sink as he laid next to me. He held out his poetry, "Would you care to start?"

I wrinkled my nose, "You first, if you're going to make me read poetry."

"Hmph," Will handled the book as if it was covered in mud, "A chapter of a novel is not nearly as long as a single poem. Perhaps you could read three?"

"Three poems?" I considered the slim volume I had taken from him. "But Poe writes such long poems." I had just turned to him to argue the point, but he had already started in on the first chapter. Clever man, not giving me a chance to bargain him down. I burrowed against his side, enjoying his warmth far more than that of the heater. He read slowly, his fingers tracing their way down my sides and across my back as he did.

I had almost dozed off against him when he shifted, switching our positions so that he curled around me. "Your turn. Start with The Raven, and The Bells, then Annabel Lee."

His head had made its way to my breast, and I curled my fingers in his short hair, brushing back and forth. "This seems hardly fair, I didn't make you skip around."

"Yours is longer."

"But I'm going to have to go slow in order to get everything right," I pressed a kiss to his head, "Once upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered weak and weary." I let my tongue wander over the rhymes, my fingers still in his hair. I was halfway through The Bells when I felt his hand find my leg, trailing fingers up my calf. I stuttered to a stop as he reached my knee, "Will, what-"

"Don't stop," His eyes opened lazily, a smirk on his face. "Keep reading."

"Leaping higher, higher, higher, with a desperate desire." My voice rose with it, as his hand found its way to my thigh. If I took my eyes off of the book I could see his hand moving underneath my skirt, the petticoat and chemise no obstacle to him. By the time I finished The Bells I was panting, clutching his head to my breast with my free hand. "Will, God, you can't expect me to continue."

I felt his knuckle brush over me, his head heavy on my breast. "It's one of my favorites Ana, please."

"Fuck," I wished I had a pillow beneath my head as I lifted the book up to where I could see it, my neck arching as Will continued stroking me. That reading of Annabel Lee would not win any poetry contests, not with the way I moaned my way through it, curses stealing from my lips as Will moved a finger inside me. I was hot, wishing I could shed my clothes and fall naked into Will's arms, but he seemed content to lay there with his arms around me, pulling me closer and closer to the edge.

He wound up having to read part of it as I shuddered in my release, his voice rolling through me like the pleasure he had brought me to. "But our love it was stronger by far than the love, Of those who were older than we— Of many far wiser than we." I let myself sag in his arms, the book falling to the blanket as my arms fell slack. I must have been in his arms for only a few moments before I felt his lips on my ear, "You're not finished Ana."

"Will, you are horrible." I could barely lift the book, my eyes barely opened. "And neither the angels in Heaven above, nor the demons down under the sea, can ever dissever my soul from the soul, of the beautiful Annabel Lee."

Chapter Text

Morning dawned bright and clear, and the sea was much smoother than it had been last night. Not that I had minded the motion of the ship, held in Will's arms and buried under our blanket. In recompense for the lack of dinner, the ship's stewards seemed keen to outdo themselves with their breakfast spread. Rashers of bacon, links of sausage, piles of eggs, bowl overflowing with fruit, all of it was up for the taking and I gladly filled my plate.

"Ah, Mr. Green! Please, join us." Evan Perry waved us over to his table, his wife huddling over a cup of tea. "My wife is still recovering from her bout of seasickness last night. I hope your better half made it through the night alright?"

"Anne is made of sterner stuff." Will gave me a smile, I tried to return it without showing the remains of the piece of bacon I had just inhaled. "Not to disparage you, Mrs. Perry."

She gave a small smile, "Oh, it is quite alright Mr. Green. I am sure you two must do a crossing several times a year, yesterday's storm must have seemed a trifle. My husband and I only make a crossing when needed."

"We do love to sail," I gave her a hopeful smile. "What business are you engaged in that keeps you in New York?"

"The business of pleasure," Mr. Perry laughed, "My father was an investor of one of the first parks on Coney Island, his shares passed down to me. As did the dividends they provide."

"I may have visited your park." I turned to him, "I once went to Coney Island years ago, with some friends. We had such a lovely time."

"I highly doubt you visited my business," He chuckled, turning back to Will. "You seemed to have your sea legs yesterday, tell me Mr. Green, what yacht club are you in back in New York? If it's not the Hudson I may have to try and steal you. We need better hands on our ship, we've lost two over the past year."

Will took a minute to finish his mouthful of eggs, "I am afraid I don't belong to any, I've simply enjoyed sailing for many years."

"Well then, when the ladies head off to tea this afternoon, I insist that you join me in the smoking room. We've got a race coming up against the Union club and I'll not see us lose again, perhaps you can give me some pointers."

I gave a little chuckle, turning back to Constance. "They do love their races, don't they."

Her face had lost its greenish cast of yesterday, and some color rose to her cheeks. "Men and races, they always seem to find themselves together. Be it horses or boats." The rest of breakfast passed along quickly enough, although by the end of it I was rather cursing the staff for their generosity. I wanted nothing more than a nap, and told Will as much when we were making our way through the ship.

"A morning nap, my dear wife you are impossible." Will tucked my arm closer, "What you need is a walk in fresh air, come along. We've almost gained the boat deck."

I whined as we came up, "Walking after breakfast, it's ungodly." But it did feel good to be out in the sun, my hat pinned to my head. Part of me fretted about being seen in the same hat as yesterday, and knowing that it would be seen again every day of the crossing, but I was proud of it. I was also proud of Will on my arm, his dove gray suit only slightly wrinkled from where it had been folded in his trunk, the chain of his watch visible through his open jacket. "Really Will, can't we go back?"

"No, I'm afraid not my dear." He chuckled, moving us along at a steady clip. "For you have to tell me everything you know about these infernal yacht clubs."

"Oh, where to begin." I rolled my eyes heavenward, praying for patience. "They are utterly boring, if you must know the truth. Simply an excuse for the men to get together and drink and smoke away from us ladies."

"Mr. Perry seems awfully invested in this race coming up."

"More than likely he is literally invested, from what I heard the losers must send the victors a selection of fine champagnes. Purchased with their own accounts." I gave Will's hand a squeeze, wishing that I had left off my gloves so I could actually feel his skin under my fingers. "You're going to be in society now, you must accustom yourself to this."

"I am going to be on a ship, and leave you to handle all of that." Will shook his head, "Such foolishness, a waste of money. And it's not as if they are going to develop some new method of shipbuilding with their little boats."

"Then simply tell Mr. Perry you prefer steam to sail," I watched his brow furrow, "I am sure he will leave you alone after that."

"Well, I shall have to stop and pick up my pipe before then. It will give me a chance to send you off to tea with the ladies." He slipped his hand into his jacket, pulling out my book. "Perhaps you'd care to have me read another chapter before then?"

"What about poetry?"

Will handed me down into a chair, taking a seat next to me. "Poetry is for night like last night, when all you want is to be warm and safe with the one you love." He leaned closer, his lips ghosting over my ear and sending a chill down my spine. "Besides, listening to you read poetry, you're irresistible my dear. And you wouldn't like to make those sounds out here on deck, would you?"

My fingers were digging into my palms, "God Will, just read." He wound up making it through three chapters, although he kept griping through the story. It was after one of these asides that I plucked the book from his hands, "Just because Verne hadn't seen as much of the sea as you doesn't mean it can't be a fun story."

"Well, you are welcome to enjoy it." Will stood, helping me up. "It's about time for tea, which means I am off to the smoking room."

I couldn't help but smirk at the flatness of his voice. "Hmm, which is the worse fate; to read a book to your fiancée or to suffer through society?"

"Society, obviously." He snorted, "But I could use a pipeful of tobacco at the moment, if only to give me something to do." It took him only a moment to collect his pipe from his bag, and he quickly had me back to the lounge. It had been set up for tea, finely dressed ladies already gossiping over finger sandwiches. I felt out of place in my shirtwaist, seeing all the fine silks and laces on display, but I gave Will a smile as he left me with a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be back for you after tea. Don't wander off, you make me worry when you do that."

I gave his hand a squeeze, "Where could I wander off to Will?"

"Knowing you, the engine rooms, the cargo holds, I might even find you stoking a furnace." Will chuckled as he turned, heading for the small smoking room on the other side of the ship. I quickly found Constance, who was kind enough to invite me to join her table. The names of the other women ran right through my mind, and I tried to focus on piling a few sweets onto my plate as they set to chatting.

As usual for a crossing, shipboard gossip was the main form of entertainment at tea. A woman in second class had been spotted going off with a man, not her husband, last night. A ladies maid had shown up hungover this morning, trying to pass it off as seasickness. But one piece of gossip made my spoon clatter against my cup, my fingers stilling. "To think that there is a man of the working class, traveling among us here in first." One of the ladies batted her eyes over her tea. "And that he was at the helm of the Titanic!"

"Maud, wherever did you hear that?" A lady spoke up from the far end.

Maud fairly preened, "Our dear Mrs. Perry remembered him just this morning, from the papers in New York. He was in them for months!"

"Oh, I'm sure that's not right." I stirred some cream into my tea, trying to keep my voice steady. "Besides, wasn't the Quartermaster at the helm? Hitchens, I believe?" I blew on it, "And what if he is traveling back? Surely he's allowed to."

"You seem to know an awful lot about it." Another lady, her green silk hat cocked to the side, spoke from the other side of the table.

I had to mentally command my hand not to shake as I took a spoonful of sugar. "Well, I followed it in the papers. It was only a few months ago."

"I'm afraid your secret is out 'Mrs.' Green. We all know which unmarried lady seems to follow a sailor around like a lovesick puppy." She gave a cold smile, "You'll have to find somewhere else to entertain yourself, Miss Dalian. We don't mix with women of your," She cut her eyes over, raking me up and down. "Lack of character."

My throat went dry, "Mrs. Perry, please tell me you didn't tell them all this."

"It occurred to me after breakfast and, well, it explains why your 'husband' has such a knowledge of ships. I had wondered last night, not to mention him helping the staff." She sniffed, rising from her chair and joining the other women. "You should be ashamed, traveling with a man and pretending to be wed. You're nothing but a common whore." They made their way off like a flock of preening peacocks, leaving me in my shirtwaist and skirt, clutching my book. Part of me wanted to do nothing more than run and hide in the cabin, to close myself off and just wait for Will. But I was here, and even with the eyes of the other women, who had quickly joined another table, on me, even as their voices began to whisper and word of my true identity spread, I felt anger rise in me. Who were they to speak like that? What did they know? Nothing, they knew nothing of my life and were only looking to force someone else to be the subject of gossip this trip so that they could avoid being it themselves. It wasn't even the first time I'd been called a whore, the first one had hurt far worse.

I kept my head high and proud as I finished my tea and cleaned off the sweets from my plate, and I deliberately walked slowly out of the lounge. I was the first one to leave though, and rather quickly found myself at a loss. If I did return to the cabin, it felt like conceding the field. But where could I go? The men were off in the smoking room, the ladies still in the lounge, and the ship's staff were bustling about tending to their own duties. In the end there really was no place for me but up on the boat deck, fighting the wind to try and read my book. I focused only on it, on Nemo and his adventures, almost feeling the pressure of the ocean on me even as a slight mist of sea spray was flung up on the breeze.

"Anastasia, whatever are you doing up here?" Charles was standing there, his eyebrows raised as he watched me start and grab at the book to keep it from falling.

I closed the book, using a scrap of ribbon I had dug out of my valise to mark my place. "Well, I am afraid our secret is out. At least among the women, who cut me today, pretty definitively." I shrugged my shoulders, taking in the deserted boat deck. "And so I was left with no place to go but my cabin, and I'd prefer not to be shut in there the whole time."

"And Will?"

"He's off with some of the men, speaking of ships. They think he's a member of some yacht club and are convinced they can get him to reveal some secret. Which leaves me here, with Mr. Verne." I weakly waved the book, "But don't think it was your fault Charles, she remembered Will from the papers. And me, along with the fact that we aren't married yet. It was always a risk, but still."

"Regardless, it is regrettable." Charles leaned down, extending a hand. "Perhaps I could show you something to cheer you up? You'd have to come up to the bridge."

"Is that allowed, Charles?" I considered his hand, pursing my lips.

He gave a shrug, "I am the senior officer on watch at the moment, simply making my rounds and attending to the needs of any passengers I encounter. And I happen to have found one who needs me." He flexed his hand, "And I should like to invite you skating."

I felt a ghost of a smile cross my face as I took it. "As lovely as the Oceanic is Charles, I doubt she has an ice skating rink on her."

"I never said ice." He chuckled, tucking my hand on his arm as he began walking towards the bridge. I clutched the book tightly in my other hand, glad to have some reason to move. Charles quickly had me past the gate separating the bridge, and quickly drew me inside. I could see a couple junior officers tending to their duties, and a helmsman keeping us on a steady course. Charles turned to the junior officers, "Clear away lads, just for a moment." They barely gave a grumble, which just made me think they must have been familiar with Charles's antics. He gave me a smile, "Just follow me."

He proceeded to glide away, his shoes not even skipping on the floor as he hurtled across the bridge and lightly caught himself on the door across from me. I couldn't help but laugh, "How did you do that? You must have grown wheels to move so easily."

"It's just rubber Anne, give it a try." He pointed to the floor, a slight sheen of water on it. I hesitated, looking at the junior officers and the helmsman, but they hardly seemed to notice me. I took a couple of steps back, then stepped quickly forward and onto the rubber. It was rather slippery, and I would have fallen quickly if one of the junior officers hadn't caught me and sent me off towards Charles. I stumbled into him, laughing. "See? I told you we could go skating here."

"It's not quite what I imagined." I chuckled, turning and hurtling myself back across. Now that I knew what to expect it seemed much easier, and I made two more passes before Charles started, waving me towards him. "What is it?"

"Captain Cameron, who will not be pleased if you're skating about." He turned to the others, "She's been getting nothing but a tour, am I understood?"

The helmsman nodded, but one of the juniors piped up. "If that's what you want Mr. Lightoller then I expect to have an extra half hour in my bunk in the morning."

"Fine, damn it." Charles snapped, grabbing up my hand and tucking it against his arm. His voice dropped, his language more formal than I had ever heard him. "As you can see Mrs. Green, it is rather slippery up here so I would caution you to hold tight as we make our way across."

"Mr. Lightoller, what is this?" A deep voice, completely opposite to the slight man who appeared, rang out.

"Simply showing a friend the bridge sir, she asked if she might see it." Charles almost snapped to attention, "Mrs. Anne Green, Captain Cameron."

I pasted a bright smile on my face, "You have a wonderful ship sir, and Mr. Lightoller was kind enough to indulge me. Please, let me know if I should leave. I would not wish to cause any strife between you two."

"Mr. Lightoller does need to return to his duties, so perhaps you should return to the passenger's promenade." He cocked his head, "Your husband, is he with you?"

"Yes, he is."

"I may have encountered him on my way up, British, tall, brown hair? He was quite worried that he could not find you, I believe he had already sent several stewards off to look for you. Perhaps you should return to him and stop him bothering the staff."

I practically felt my eyes bulge, but Charles smoothly stepped in. "With your permission sir, I should like to escort her back and assure her husband that nothing amiss happened."

"Quickly, Mr. Lightoller, quickly." Captain Cameron nodded, and Charles quickly had me back outside of the bridge and on our way to the promenade. It had grown darker, and I could see other passengers heading in, no doubt for dinner. Will was not on the promenade though, and Charles almost dragged me through the passageways until he saw a rather frazzled looking steward, who informed him that Mr. Green was towards the bow on B deck, and could he please hurry to him?

Charles shook his head as Will came into sight after we rounded a corner, his gray suit rather disheveled and his pipe clutched tightly in his hand. "Will, quit scaring the stewards. Anne's been alright, she's been with me."

His shoulders slumped as he turned, even as relief broke across his face. "Ana, I told you I would come back for you. Why did you let me know?"

"Because someone figured out who you actually are," Charles winced, "And who she is. Not to mention your current marital state. Would you have wanted to be around all those women?" I could see something rise in him, his eyes beginning to move quickly, his hands twitching slightly as if wanting something to do.

"Harpies, more accurately." I sniffed, coming to Will and taking his hand. "Really Will, it's alright. Charles took me skating."

"Skating?" He couldn't have looked more confused if I had told him we played a polo match.

"I'll tell you later, but we really should send Charles back up." I gave him a smile, "Although, if you wanted to join us for dinner tomorrow Charles, it would be appreciated."

"And miss the gruel I'm sure to be getting?" He spun on his heel, "Well, how could I say no?"

There wasn't even a chance to say farewell before he had turned a corner and vanished, and I turned back to Will. "He was simply being a good friend."

"I'm not upset you went off with him," Will grumbled, moving my hand to his arm. "I just wish you would have sent word."

"I'm sorry."

"It's in the past," He guided us through the ship, and we were quickly back at the lounge. It had been changed over from tea, tablecloths and chairs changed out for dinner. I felt my legs grow slightly wooden as he walked in. Conversation died as we moved past, replaced by hushed whispers and pointing fingers. Even Will must have noticed something, because after he handed me into a chair, he looked around. "Why are they all staring?"

"They know who you are, courtesy of Mrs. Perry." I fumbled the napkin into my lap, "Although they think you were actually at the wheel that night. And they know who I am. And that we're not married. We're the focus of the voyage, Will."

I heard him breathe in harshly, "And what is that to them? We're engaged, surely that is enough."

"We haven't announced it yet, how could they know?" I fell silent as a steward came up, taking our orders for dinner. The silence seemed to stretch, first lasting until the meal arrives, then through the meal, and finally when Will rose. I made to stand with him, but the look his gave me was enough to freeze me in my seat. I had rarely seen Will get angry, really only the once with Zachary. He had been frustrated with me, but never angry. But the cold in his gaze, the rigidity in his step as he made his way across the lounge, frightened me. The Perrys looked up as he stopped by them, leaning over and speaking quickly to Evan. His face slowly grew red, but whatever he said was lost in the distance between us. Will remained calm, spoke briefly, and turned on his heel.

He held out his hand, "Ana, come with me. And stand tall, don't let them cow you." I took his hand, pulling myself up to my full height as we left the lounge. The stewards that had been working in the cabins had finished, and we passed only a few other people before we reached our cabin. I set my hat aside, reaching for the buttons of my shirtwaist. I looked to Will, sat on the bed and staring at me.

"Do you want to do this?" I chuckled, watching him flush. He shook his head though, ducking it and looking away. I sighed, sitting next to him. "What did you say to Mr. Perry? He looked like he was going to explode."

"I told him that if his wife went around spreading these lies, I would tell everyone what his actual business was." He still seemed focused on the open buttons of my shirtwaist, and I drew his fingers to the buttons still remaining.

"And what exactly is his business that revealing it would be such a threat?"

"He owns a number of boarding houses that only house women."

"Is that such a scandal?"

"It is when the women only entertain men." He had finished with the buttons, and rolled his eyes at my confused look. "He owns whorehouses, Ana. Or at least rents them to pimps. He offered me a trip to one of his places while we were in the smoking room. I was welcome to take my pick, he said."

I shrugged out of the shirtwaist, turning to present him with the back of the corset. "Help me with this?" I felt his fingers tug on the laces, the corset loosening. "Is that really what you discussed in the smoking room? Visiting whorehouses?"

"After they figured out I wasn't going to be joining one of their clubs, and that I knew very little of anything back in New York, it was like I was a piece of furniture." His hands slipped inside the corset, covering my breasts over my combinations as he dropped his lips to my shoulder. "I heard quite a deal, and he invited everyone to sample his 'goods'." His teeth sunk slightly into my shoulder, and I gasped. "Have no fear, Ana. I only want to sample you."

"Are you sure you don't want me to read poetry again?" I almost whimpered as he pulled me into his lap, my back to his chest as his hands removed themselves for only a moment to unhook the busk of my corset and set it aside before he pulled the combinations down. Naked to the waist, Will clasped me close to him, kissing and nipping at my neck. I held what I could reach of him close to me, pressing my lips to the side of his head.

"Bugger the poetry tonight, Ana. All I want is you."

Chapter Text

Despite the fact that I woke early in the morning, I was reluctant to leave our bed. Will was still snoring softly, his arm thrown around my waist and he would tug me back to him if I moved too far. The only things I had managed to do was to turn on a lamp and grab my book. I shifted, trying to find a more comfortable position. Nemo had just taken the visitors out to hunt sharks underwater, it was one of my favorite scenes, but Will was pulling me closer and closer to him.

"Ana," He mumbled, his head moving on the pillow. I sighed, reaching down to give his hand a squeeze. He spoke sometimes in his sleep, usually calling for me or Ada. It was usually nothing, some dream that he was caught up in. His fingers twitched on my waist, digging into my hip. I turned, looking at him. His mouth was strained, his breath gasping, and he cried out. "Into the boat! Get into the boat goddamnit!" I went stiff as a board, and he suddenly pulled me to him. I gasped as he threw himself on me, "The boat, get to the boat." His voice was soft now, his arms twitching where they caged me. I could see his fingers curling in the sheets, his legs tense underneath them.

I reached up, touching his cheek. "Will, it's only a dream." He shuddered, his eyes flicking beneath their lids. He was still there, back on Titanic, back in the water. I reached up again, "We're safe, we're warm. Everything is alright." I kept repeating it over and over, a promise to him and a hope for me. It was minutes before the tension seemed to drain from him, his arms collapsing and his face hitting the pillow beside me. His breathing was slowing, his body relaxing onto mine. There was no desire or thrill from it at the moment, simply relief that he was out of the nightmare.

Although he was rather heavy, and my book was digging into my side.

It took some creative movement, and a good deal of wiggling, but eventually I was able to pull out the book and shift myself underneath Will to where I could read. He settled further onto me, his arms now curling and holding me instead of caging me against him. I started whispering the book to him, telling him about the Nautilus and how Pierre was facing down the devilfish. I missed his commentary, his snide remarks about how Verne got things wrong, or how it was ridiculous to willingly travel with a pirate. I pressed my lips to his cheek, "Nothing from you, love?"

He pressed himself further into the pillow. "It's all utter nonsense. Like I've said."

"Will," I started, trying to rise but feeling him push me back to the mattress. "How long have you been awake?"

"Since you started reading." He mumbled, turning to lay his face on my hair. "I didn't want to leave."

More than likely he didn't want to get off of me, considering neither of us had bothered with our night clothes last night. He was a least holding himself slightly off of me though, bracing his arms against the bed. I ruffled his hair, enjoying the softness of it. "You know, if you don't get off of me we'll miss breakfast."

"I'd rather stay here, in fact I'd rather avoid leaving this bed all together."

"I highly doubt the stewards would appreciate that."

"We can make the bed."

"Maybe I would like some breakfast."

"I can arrange for them to bring something. What would you like?"

"Griddlecakes if they have them, with syrup." I sighed as Will rolled off the bed, grabbing his discarded trousers and shirt from last night. It was a delight to watch him dress, pulling the dangling suspenders up and over his shoulders. He head reached for his waistcoat when I spoke up, "No, just like that if fine."

He turned, his eyebrows raised. "I'm only half dressed without it."

"I know." I smiled, "But you're only going out for a moment. Why bother?"

"Because," He said, leaning over the bed and pressing a kiss to my cheek. "I don't fancy getting syrup on my shirt, and you might want to slip something on as well. Unless you plan on licking yourself clean."

"You could always do that." I practically giggled watching him flush and his eyes darken. I gave him a gentle shove. "Go on, I'll be dressed by the time you get back." I waited for the door to shut until I grabbed a nightgown and slipped it over my head. I quickly belted a dressing gown over it, pulling the small table and chairs away from where they had been shoved in a corner. Will looked rather disappointed to see me clothed when he returned, but it proved to be a blessing when a steward knocked on our door shortly after. The steward at least kept his mouth shut when he placed the tray on the table, a plate of griddlecakes swimming in butter and syrup for me, and a bowl of oatmeal with sugar for Will. I smiled at that, "It appears we both have a sweet tooth this morning."

He had already mixed the sugar in and taken a spoonful, "It is a late breakfast, hopefully we can avoid anyone until dinner."

"You know," I said, smearing butter across a slice, "You didn't seem that intimidated last night."

"I was furious last night," His brow furrowed, "Today I'd rather just not deal with them, I don't want them to start talking about you again."

"They were talking about you too."

"Ana, two countries have been talking about me nonstop for months. I don't pay attention to it, but I can't stand them saying things like they do about you. You're so much better than what they call you."

The syrup and sugar were not the only sweet things at the table, and I reached for his hand. "Just try to ignore it Will, it's just pointless gossip. They're only doing it because they have nothing else to do onboard."

"Neither do I, but you don't see me sinking to their level."

"That's not true, we've done more onboard than they have. They probably haven't visited the library," I felt a smile break out, "And I doubt they've played shuffleboard. That's what we can do today, play shuffleboard up on the Boat Deck." With a plan set, the morning seemed to fly by. Will helped me dress in a new shirtwaist and skirt, although I did have to hector him into tying my corset tighter. "I'm going to wear the blue dress for dinner with Charles, Will. It has to be tighter."

"I don't like you wearing it so tight." He grumbled, "Like I said before, it's not healthy."

"I've been wearing them since I was a girl," I stepped away after he tied it, still not completely satisfied. "They make the dress hang right. Would you like me to start wearing trousers?" I was buttoning my shirtwaist when I realized Will hadn't responded. I turned, finding him staring off into the distance, his fingers twitching slightly. "Will?" He cut his eyes over, the blue in them dark. "Is something wrong?"

"No, Ana." He shook his head, looking away but I knew what the flush on his cheeks meant.

"What is it then?" I stepped to him, handing him his waistcoat and watching him pull it on. I set myself to buttoning it up, "Do you want to see me in trousers?" This close I could hear his breath catch, "With a high collar and a waistcoat? Maybe one of your uniforms? I might be able to do something with the hat."

"As delightful as that image is," Will stepped back, sighing. "Not even you can save that hat." Arm in arm we made our way up to the Boat Deck, finding a steward on deck to fetch us the shuffleboard disks and cues. I set myself up at one end of the painted court, letting Will have the first shot. The wooden disks clacked against each other as we sent them back and forth, not playing to win but merely to play. I watched Will's hands swipe the cue as he gathered the disks back up, before launching another one to start another game. "A ten, you're in trouble this round."

I launched my own disk, "A seven, damn."

"Ana." He almost glared, "Your language is rather unbecoming."

"Then let me win." I groaned, watching him land a eight. "You don't seem to have any problems with cursing."

"As a man, a curse is allowed in certain situations." Will looked disdainfully at my disk stopping on the off space. "Ladies should keep their mouths clean."

Part of me wanted to ask him if he had a way in mind for me to clean my mouth out, but I caught my tongue. Dirty mouths were apparently only for the bedroom, considering he'd never lectured me for my language when he had his hands on me. "I can try and work on my language, if you let me win."

"I am not rolling over." Will snorted, landing another ten. "But I am asking this of you Ana, please?"

I blushed, "Alright Will. Alright. No more cursing, at least in public." I sent another disk hurtling across, completely missing the board. I clenched my fists, trying to rein myself in from letting out a blue streak. "That is a shame."

"Indeed, and look, another ten for me."

"Congratulations, can we stop now?"

"No, I think we'll play the best out of seven." Will had a triumphant look in his eye as he collected the disks again. Oh, I would get him back later. I didn't know how at the moment, but Will was going to be begging for me to grant him some kind of mercy. All throughout the next game I thought of how I could go about it. Perhaps I would refuse to share the bed and make him sleep in the chair. Or maybe I wouldn't touch him until we reached New York. Perhaps I could enlist Charles into some scheme, he seemed to be the type to want to join in giving Will some kind of grief.

In the end we only had to play four games, I was abysmal at shuffleboard and swore to never play it again. It was at least late in the afternoon by the time we were finished, and back in the cabin I pulled out the blue dress. It at least hadn't wrinkled much, little enough that it would straighten out just by hanging it. Will actually went about changing his collar to a fresh one for the night, fumbling with the stud on the back. "Damn thing."

"Oh, cursing is allowed now?" I stepped over, taking it from his hand and working the stud through the shirt. "Or do I need to clean your mouth out?"

"Ana, not now." He pulled the collar to the front, working the studs through it before he pulled a tie through and knotted it. I shook my head, pulling my dress on over my head and turning to allow him to button it up. His fingers were more nimble with my buttons, and he quickly had it finished. He even helped pin my hair in place, although I did have to pull several of them and do them myself. "I'm sorry, I'm not much good at that."

I shrugged, "It's alright, neither am I."

"You still look lovely."

"Am I a damn vision?" I chuckled, taking his arm and ignoring the way he snorted and shook his head. What I couldn't ignore though was his hand reaching down to smack across my backside. I almost jumped, "Will!" It hadn't been hard, but it was a shock. "Spanking?"

"If you act like a child, you should be punished like one." He had a glint to his eye though, and withdrew his hand. "Now, perhaps we should compose ourselves before we go to dinner?"

"I am perfectly composed, see to yourself before you look to me." I shook my head, letting him lead me along into the passageways. Other passengers were making their way to the lounge for dinner, and we quietly joined them. A few looked our way, but Will seemed to send them on their way with a single look. I rather enjoyed that, to have him so dedicated to protecting my reputation, although to be honest I could have cared less. What happened on this ship would not spread far, and would be immediately dominated by the news of our engagement. I felt Will's arm shift as we entered the lounge, and I saw his brow furrow. "Charles, I didn't realize you'd bring guests."

There were indeed two others at the table Charles had claimed, I recognized Captain Cameron but there was a stolid looking vicar sitting across from him, his ecclesiastical collar freshly bleached and starched. Charles stood, "Will, you'll have to forgive me. I thought it would be good for them to be here. This is Captain John Cameron, and the Reverend Timothy Reynolds. Gentlemen, this is my very dear friend William Murdoch and his fiancée Anastasia Dalian."

"I had been told they were married." Captain Cameron stated, casting a glance at us.

"A necessary fiction to keep their identities hidden from the papers," Charles waved it away, "But hopefully not for too much longer."

Will handed me into a seat across from Captain Cameron, and I couldn't help but smirk. "Charles, it's going to be next year at the soonest."

"Or it could be tonight." He looked to Will sitting across from him, "The vicar here, though Anglican, is willing to provide a service for a Presbyterian, and a-" He shook his head, "I'm sorry Ana, I'm not sure what denomination you are."

"Lutheran."

Reverend Reynolds flinched like he'd taken a blow, but sighed. "Fine. So long as I can keep the room."

"The room was given for you coming here." Charles sniped, then turned to Will. "I've arranged everything as best I can. I would have been content with simply the captain officiating, but I figured you would want a priest. I will gladly serve as a witness, it's the least I can do. If you want we can have it done after dinner, we've got a room set aside and a pile of flowers for her to pick from."

"Charles, what in the world are you talking about?" Will had his hands to his temples, rubbing them.

"I thought you might like to arrive in New York as Mr. and Mrs. William Murdoch." Charles's voice was exasperated, "To deal with the gossips onboard and prevent anything from coming out when we arrive. I gathered what was needed, you could at least thank me for it."

"Dhia air neamh tha thu a' fòghlum amaid-each" Will cursed, standing and physically pulling Charles from his chair. I quietly laughed seeing the two of them move away to a space outside of the lounge, still completely visible through the windows. Charles had his hands out, trying to patiently explain something while Will gestured wildly, his face growing redder and redder.

The vicar looked to me, confused. "What in the world is going on?"

"I believe Mr. Lightoller is playing a joke on Mr. Murdoch." The captain sipped from his wine glass, "He has a tendency to play such jokes to liven up our days out at sea. I hope he hasn't offended you, Miss."

"Not at all," I almost rolled my eyes, "In fact, perhaps we should play along? It would be rather fun."

He tilted his head, considering. "Perhaps, although I am curious as to what exactly Mr. Murdoch said before leaving the table."

The vicar shrugged, "I'm not sure, but it did not sound positive in the slightest."

Our table almost seemed to hold its breath as the two men came back in, Charles almost glaring at Will as he took his seat. Will, for his part, was glaring right back. I took a sip of wine before turning to Captain Cameron. "I think you're right, we should see if some other passengers would also stand as witnesses."

I could see Will blanch out of the corner of my eye as the captain nodded. "Yes, it would do to have more witnesses for the ceremony. Have you decided which flowers you would like? I know that we have roses, tulips and daisies onboard for the cabins."

"Oh, roses are one of my favorites." I sighed, reaching over to take Will's hand. "Would those be alright?"

"Ana, in God's name, we are not doing this." He pulled his hand from mine, bringing them up to cover his face. "I am marrying you in a church, with your mother there, in a proper ceremony."

"It would all be proper," Reverend Reynolds spoke up, "Weddings at sea can be quite romantic. I married my own wife on a ship."

"How lovely," I turned to him, "Was it outdoors?"

"Yes, with clear skies and calm seas. Almost as if the Lord was giving us his approval."

Captain Cameron turned from the waiter he had been giving his order to. "I cannot promise calm seas, but the sky is quite beautiful right now. You can see for miles, and with the stars above it would make a pretty setting."

"See Will?" Charles chuckled, "Doesn't that sound nice?" Our whole table started as Will roughly shoved himself back, storming out of the lounge and leaving us bewildered. I could hear the concern in Charles's voice as he called after him. "Will, it was only a thought!"

I stood, leaving my napkin. "I'll talk to him. Please, if the food arrives before we're back, go ahead and eat. I know you all have duties to attend to." I was following close enough to hear him walking through the passageways, although I didn't call out to him. The anger was practically boiling off him, and I waited for a moment before stepping out on deck to follow him. He was leaning over the railing, his knuckles white on it and his head thrown back. Captain Cameron hadn't been lying, the starry sky stretched above us in an almost endless parade. I let the door close behind me, "Will?"

"Don't." He growled, "For God's sake Ana, don't talk." I kept quiet, instead sitting on a deck chair. The wind blowing along the deck from our passage was at least warm, although I would not have rejected a wrap, the sleeves on the dress were very short and hardly substantial. I could hear Will breathe heavily, staring up at the stars. My gut twisted, a flare of nervousness rising in me. It was a long moment before he spoke again, "We are not doing that, Ana. I refuse."

"I think it was only a joke, Will." I twisted my skirt between my fingers, "At least we were only joking, the captain, the vicar and I."

"Charles wasn't!" He spun on his heel, his face red. "He actually intended for this farce to happen. As if I wasn't good enough to marry you like you deserve, as if I was unable to control myself around you and needed the cover of a fast marriage." The image of him, drunk and pulling my skirt up, flashed through my mind. But then I remembered his face, crestfallen when he realized what he had almost done.

"Will, you can't-"

"Ana! You don't know him, I've known him for years." He stalked to the deck chair, standing over me. "This was not one of Charles's pranks, he actually meant this. He told me so, that he had heard the gossip about us and wanted to solve it."

I reached up, taking his hand even though he pulled it back. "Then maybe he was trying to do you a kindness."

"And to think I was going to ask him to stand as my best man." Will's voice was bitter, but he at least sat when I pulled on his hand. "He's lost that chance, this is intolerable."

"Will, he's your closest friend." I squeezed his hand, "Don't write him off like this, at least think about it. Please?"

I could practically hear his teeth grinding, but he jerked his head in a nod. "I highly doubt I will change my mind. I can't go back in there, I'll try and kill him if I do."

"You will not." I batted his shoulder lightly, "You will at least be polite." He hardly moved, and I reached over, touching his chin and turning him towards me. "For me? Can you be polite to him for me?"

"Only for you." He brought his own hand up, covering mine. "Although you are absolutely rotten for what you did."

"It seems I've been rotten all day," I said as he stood, tucking my hand against his arm. "Cursing, wearing tight corsets, wanting to marry you." He chuckled at that, by the time we had regained the lounge he seemed his usual self. I couldn't help but give a slight pout as I saw our table, Charles and Captain Cameron having left nothing behind but some dirty dishes. The vicar was polishing off a bowl of soup, but he absented himself quickly as we sat. I looked to Will, "Really Will, it was only a joke. Please don't be angry with Charles. He meant well."

"I can be angry with who I choose." He muttered, tearing into his lamb, but there was no real venom to his voice. "And I will be angry with him as long as I like." I wound up poking at my steak, only eating a few pieces. My stomach was too knotted up to allow for more. I had caused this, if I hadn't been so insistent on sharing a cabin we wouldn't have been noticed. If I hadn't played along with Charles's plan, Will wouldn't have gotten so angry. I sighed, setting my fork and knife down. Will looked up from his plate, "Ana?"

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm not hungry." I set my napkin on the table, "Meet you in the cabin?" He nodded, and I made my way there as quickly as I could. Without Will there though I had to call a stewardess to help me undress, and I sat in my nightgown alone, trying to find something to distract myself from the guilt that was coursing through me. Verne proved no help though, and I left him abandoned on the nightstand as I curled up under the blankets in the dark.

It was only a short while before Will entered, the light cutting through the open door. I couldn't see him, I was turned away and didn't feel like rolling over. I didn't want to fight anymore, I just wanted it to be over. I closed my eyes, listening to hear what was happening. The bed shifted as Will sat on it, taking off his shoes. He didn't need any help to undress and don his pajamas, sliding underneath the blankets. I still didn't move, hoping he'd think me asleep. The bed shifted again, and I felt a hand brush over my shoulder. "Ana?" His voice was thick with emotion, but I didn't respond. I just breathed, long and deep. I felt his hand move up from my shoulder, tracing through my hair and brushing a lock back from my face. It was replaced by his lips in a brief kiss, "Good night, love."

It took me along time to fall asleep, but I kept my back to him the whole time. It was necessary so he couldn't see my lips curl as I felt the guilt rise in me, again and again. It seemed endless, and every time I thought I had shoved it down enough to allow me some rest, it rose back up stronger and fiercer. I was the cause that Will was angry with his closest friend, a friend he was going to ask to stand by him on our wedding day. In the dark though I vowed that I would fix it, that by the time we reached New York they'd be faster friends than ever before. It was the only way for me to fall asleep.

Chapter Text

Will was putting on the charm the next morning, trying to wake me with soft kisses and whispered comments. I admit I enjoyed it, feeling him brush his fingers across my shoulder and press his lips where his fingers followed. "Ana, God, you're so beautiful. Do you know that? You're my pretty girl, I could get lost in your eyes. So deep, like a pond in a forest, clear down to the rich earth at the bottom." His fingers tangled in my hair, "It's golden like a field of wheat, darker and richer than the sun." They trailed down to my waist, "Ana, say something. Please."

I yawned, "Will? What time is it?" I could only stay silent against his musings for so long. He really was charming, when he chose to be. As opposed to last night when he acted like a complete ass.

He pressed a kiss to my shoulder, pulling me to lay flat on the bed. "Late morning, almost noon. I wanted to let you sleep."

"So we missed breakfast?" I really was hungry, after last night where I had left my dinner uneaten on the table. "Or is it too soon for luncheon?"

"I'd say luncheon, but it will probably be a few hours. I already had to send the stewards away once."

"Hmph," I looked away, trying to think. I had no idea where we were in the Atlantic, or how soon we would arrive in New York. I wanted things fixed between Will and Charles by the time we arrived, and I knew that only amounted to a few days at the very most. I wanted to speak about it to both of them though, to see if they would settle it on their own. Instead I shifted to lean against Will, looking up at him. "I don't suppose you thought to ask them to bring a snack?"

"No, I didn't." He pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I could chase one down if you'd like." He had started to rise, looking towards the door.

"No, no." I grabbed at his arms, "Don't leave." He settled down onto the bed, collecting me into his arms. I let my head rest against his chest, listening to him breathe. It was comforting to rest on him, the material of his pajamas a soft cover over his chest. I watched him intertwine our fingers, "Are you still angry?"

His fingers twisted, wrapping tightly around mine. "Not at you, I wasn't angry at you Ana."

"I am sorry for playing that joke."

"It wasn't your fault, although that trick wasn't very pleasant. It was Charles that came up with that idea." Will pulled me closer, pressing his lips to the top of my head. "So there's no reason for me to be angry with you." His comments still didn't help the curl of guilt that had taken up residence in my stomach. He was angry with his oldest friend because of me, which meant I had to try and do something to fix it. Will pulled me tighter to him, his hands on my waist. "You know that, right? I'm not angry at you in the slightest."

"But you're still angry." I pressed my head back into his chest, "You know he was just trying to help."

"He was trying to insert himself into our relationship." I felt Will tense underneath me as he spoke, "Charles tries to insert himself into everything, he has a terrible time not being the center of attention."

"Still, you should speak to him." I could feel his hands tighten on my waist, "I hate leaving things to fester, why do you think I always try and settle things between u, when we disagree, before we go to bed?"

"And here I thought it was because you couldn't resist me." He loosened his hands, and I shifted up. His brow was furrowed, though he did watch me greedily as I moved to get dressed. I had barely gotten my nightgown over my head before he pulled me back to the bed, rolling on top of me as I gasped. "And you know I can't resist you, especially like that."

I tried pushing against him, trying to get out of the cage of his arms. "Will, I need to get dressed."

"No, you don't." He hardly looked up from where he was kissing my breasts, "You don't need to leave the bed at all."

"I need to eat." I laughed, feeling him pressing a kiss to my navel. "And so do you."

"I could eat you, just swallow you whole." He looked up, his hands on my thighs. His eyes were dark, and his fingers were already sliding up them and gently pressing them apart. My breath sped up, remembering how it had felt when he had kissed me there, back in Southampton. It had been incredible, the way I had seemed to lose all control of myself, desperate only for his tongue and hands. Will looked up, "Ana?"

"Will, I really am hungry." I watched him pull back, his hands leaving my thighs. I tried to give him a smile though, "Maybe later?"

"Of course." He nodded, "I should get dressed too then, the lounge will be open in a while." Will still didn't leave me alone as I dressed, continually finding some reason to slip his hands under my clothing, or discard my waistcoat and pull me back against him. The worst was him pulling at the collar of my shirtwaist, biting and sucking at my neck and leaving a small bruise that was hidden by the material. He caught my eye as he pulled back, "You're driving me mad Ana, we should just stay."

"No," I shook my head, pulling my collar up even a little more. "We should go eat." Will huffed, but escorted me to the lounge and ordered us a large spread for luncheon. I caught him staring at me over the dishes, and I shivered as I felt his foot find mine under the table. It was a little blunt from his shoe, but he still traced his way up and down my leg. I looked up from my sandwich, "Will, what has gotten into you today?"

"I don't know," He shook his head, "I just can't seem to resist you."

My sandwich finished, I stood. "Well, you'll have to be on your own for a minute. I need to visit the water closet."

"Let me escort you, we can head back to the cabin after." He stood, coming closer and taking my hand.

I couldn't seem to shake him, he stuck to me like a child to their mother. He must have been trying to make up for last night, for his actions. I looked away from his eyes, trying to actually lie well. I was terrible at lying, so I tended to avoid it, but I had to at the moment. "Will, I really don't want to go back and do that."

"I would like to," He leaned down, "You liked it before."

I cut my eyes away, "Will, I think I can feel my monthly coming on. Can you please just let me go the water closet?" If there was one thing that seemed to frighten men, it was any mention of a woman's courses. Father had spent the entire week of my first monthly avoiding my rooms entirely, although he had continually sent the maids around with chocolate, trinkets, anything he thought would improve my mood. I had been a terror that first time, it had been painful enough that my mother had sent for a midwife to examine me and make sure everything was normal. Apparently I was fine, but I refused to leave my rooms for the week. When I finally emerged, Father had pressed a gold bracelet set with garnets into my hand, mumbling something about a reward for finally being a woman.

I saw Will's face redden, "Of course, do you need anything?"

"Just to go." I stepped away, turning into the passageways and finding my way up. I kept glancing back, but Will wasn't following. That was what I wanted, I hadn't felt my monthly, but I needed to do something without Will shadowing me. I saw my destination once I had gained the boat deck, stepping up to the gate behind the bridge. "Excuse me, if Office Lightoller up there?"

It was a minute before one of the junior officers emerged. He tipped his cap, "I'm sorry Miss, but no."

"Is he in the mess or his cabin? I do need to speak to him."

"Apologies Miss, but Mr. Lightoller is sleeping and left orders not to wake him unless the ship was in danger. And that we were to take no messages for him from passengers." The officer turned on his heel, heading back into the bridge. I could feel my brow knitting together and forced myself to smooth it out. I needed these two to settle things, and I had been hoping to speak to Charles. I had also been hoping to apologize to him, but he was holed up and refusing to come out. Which meant I needed another tactic. But I couldn't let Will know what I was aiming for, he was already so angry at Charles. I didn't want him to be angry with me as well.

Sighing, I made my way back down below. Other passengers passed by me, carefree and bubbling with an enthusiasm that evaded me. I turned my feet back towards our cabin, my eyes on the floor as I mulled through ideas. Will wouldn't think of it, Charles was apparently avoiding not only me, but Will as well. God, why couldn't they just settle it and be done? Charles could apologize, Will could apologize, and they could go back to being friends. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't notice my name being called until my hand had been grabbed. I spun, feeling my heart race, but I wound up blinking foolishly at Will. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

He squeezed my hand, "It's alright, do you want to head back to the cabin? I asked a steward to bring a hot water bottle, Ada always liked to have one and take a nap when hers started. I could read to you."

My heart constricted, and I could feel a wad of emotion in my throat. He was so thoughtful, why did he have to be so stubborn about talking to Charles? I shook my head, "Actually, I was mistaken. Would you care for a walk?"

"Gladly," Instead of offering me his arm, he took my hand in his. Without his gloves his hands were calloused, but not rough. As we gained the boat deck he kept passing his thumb over my knuckles, rubbing each one as he moved over it. He found a deck chair away from the main promenade, and we sat. He pulled my hand to his lap, pressing his lips to the knuckles. "I'm glad you're not in any discomfort."

I held my tongue, I was in discomfort over this whole situation but speaking about it would only make it worse. "Yes, I'm thankful for it too."

"I don't suppose you've reconsidered my offer from earlier?" His eyes almost twinkled in the late afternoon light, a smirk on his face. "I would dearly love to comfort you tonight."

"I, ah, I'm afraid I just don't feel like it." I stammered, feeling a blush rise to my cheek. I couldn't look him in the eye or my will would collapse and I would melt for him. I needed to stay strong, I had to make him see that nothing would be happening until he settled things with Charles. "Have you seen the Captain around? I meant to ask how far out we are from New York."

"He made an announcement at luncheon after you left that we'd be there in two days, it's been a fairly smooth crossing. Aside from the storm on the first day." He moved closer, sliding his arm around my waist. "What will be waiting for us when we arrive?"

"A carriage, obviously." I shook my head, leaning against him. I could touch him, that was fine, I just couldn't think about letting him pleasure me. "And a party, but that might be a few weeks out."

"I'm excited to see what dress you choose," Will pressed his lips to my ear, "And to see it off you."

I shivered, "And I'll be glad to see you in a top hat and tails."

He pulled back, "You're joking Ana, aren't you?"

"No, it's what you'll be expected to wear to a party like that." I squeezed his fingers, "It's your debut to New York society after all, and it's an occasion for all of them to come down from Newport for a weekend. You'll need to look your best."

"I have my Reserves uniform, I can wear that."

"You'll have to fight my mother on it." I chuckled, picturing Mother facing off against him. I wouldn't mind him in his Reserves frock coat, but Mother would lay down the law. Truth be told, it really wouldn't be that much of a problem. But I didn't let him in on that. "She's going to be very concerned with making sure you have a proper introduction. More than likely she'll have a valet waiting for you."

"I do not need a valet." He stood, "I can dress myself just fine, I've been doing it all my life."

I stood too, moving to stand in front of him. "We'll see, I can't imagine you'd be very popular in the clubs without a valet."

Will quickly grabbed my waist, spinning me around. "And I will not be going to those awful clubs. Not after what Mr. Perry described goes on in them." He took my hand, looking down at me. "I do remember you saying I would need to dance."

"And I remember you saying that you already knew how." I countered, feeling him begin to turn us.

"I do, but that's no reason to avoid practice." He tugged me along with him, pulling me closer when I hung back. I could see the concern in his eyes when he looked down, "Ana, don't be like this."

"Like what Will?"

His hand slipped low on my waist, fingers trailing along my backside. "You're punishing yourself. It's not your fault that Charles and I are fighting."

"I just want you to settle things."

"Things will settle when they do. You can't force it, Ana." He stepped toward me, reversing our course. "It has nothing to do with you."

I stopped at that. "Will, you're fighting over marrying me sooner than you want. I am involved in this." I dropped my hand from his waist, pulling my other from his grip and wrapping them around myself. My stomach was twisting again, some ghostly pain threading through me. "It's because of me, and you can't say it isn't."

"Ana." Will wormed his hands around mine, pulling them from my waist. "You need to stop. If Charles and I have to settle things through letters then we will. But I can't stand to see you like this." He pressed his forehead to mine, "Now, what do you say we head back to the cabin? An early night, we can wake up early in the morning and have a huge breakfast. And we can read some poetry before we fall asleep. Doesn't that sound nice?"

I had to admit that it did. "Perhaps we could read more of my book instead of poetry? I'm getting close to the end."

"So long as we read it like we did yesterday morning."

"You are impossible, William Murdoch." I did let him pull me along though, back to the cabin and back to the bed. He was very attentive in undressing me, and I wound up having to push him away once when he became a bit too attentive. My stomach twisted to see the hurt look in his eyes when I did, even though he tried to hide it. No matter what he said, I still felt that curl of guilt in me, preventing me from wanting to let him touch me like that. I just didn't feel right about it. It was still a comfort to hold him in my arms though, his head on my breast and his comments sarcastic as I read.

True to his word the next morning we set to an enormous breakfast, almost taking up an entire table between the two of us. Bacon, eggs, oatmeal, griddlecakes, even a plate of special cheeses, it was all delicious and so filling that I wanted nothing more than a nap after. Will begged off, wanting to have a smoke before doing anything else. I assured him I did not mind, for I didn't. I had woken up briefly during the night, staring up into the dark with Will curled around me.

I had remembered the way he was touched me before that dinner, the way he had spanked me. If you behave like a child, you should be punished like one. That's all he and Charles were acting like, I realized. A couple of boys who had fought and refused to even see each other because obviously it was the fault of the other one. I would have to treat them like children to solve this. So, wanting nothing more than my bed, I instead set about asking steward after steward if they had seen the Captain anywhere around. Finally, the seventh steward I asked, pointed me to a room set close to the bridge, but not beyond the gate dividing it from the rest of the ship. It turned out to be a small sitting room, and I peeked in. "Captain Cameron?"

He turned, looking away from whatever he had been writing at his desk. "Miss Dalian?"

"May I come in?"

"Of course," He stood, waiting until I had sat before resuming his seat. "What can I do for you?"

I fiddled with my skirt, "Is there anyway you could order Mr. Lightoller to be at a certain place at a set time?"

"Does this have something to do with the disagreement he and Mr. Murdoch had the other night at dinner?"

"Yes."

He considered it for a moment, "Mr. Lightoller is very upset over it, he's refused to speak of it to any of us. He's quite angry with Mr. Murdoch, he told me that night he was acting ungrateful."

"I can make it worth your time, Captain Cameron." I raised my brow, "Once we get to New York."

"Are you bribing me, Miss Dalian?"

"I would think that was obvious, Captain." I lifted my chin, holding his eye. "I merely want to force Mr. Lightoller and Mr. Murdoch to settle things, and I can see you given a very large tip once we dock."

He held out a hand, "What room did you have in mind?"

"The library," I shook it, "At noon." That was only a few hours away, and Will was expecting me to be in the cabin, sleeping. And to be quite honest, it did sound tempting. But I needed to stay awake, to tempt Will to follow me. So instead, when Will arrived back after his smoke, I was approaching the end of my book. I looked up at him over the cover, "I think I might need to take another trip to the library. We can return both of these, if you like."

Will rolled his eye, tugging at my ankle. "We still haven't finished the poems, and I do not intent to leave this ship until we do."

"Can we please go return this one though?" I let him pull me closer to him, rising to my knees when I got to the edge of the bed. I slipped my arms around his shoulders, brushing my lips up against his ear and whispering. "We could always get more poetry. Maybe some Byron?"

His hands found my waist, pulling me flush to him. "We'd have to stay awake all night to read them both then, before we arrive."

"Then we had best hurry." I giggled, kissing the tip of his nose and slipping off the bed. Will could hardly let his hands leave me as we made our way back to the library, always touching my arm, my hand, and at one point, when we were hidden by a wall, my rear end. He laughed off the slap to the wrist that I gave him for that, I had not hit him very hard. "God, if this is what poetry does to you then I am glad we don't have much at the dock house."

"All that tells me is that I will have to see your bookshelves stocked." He chuckled, opening the door to the library. It took him a moment to realize that the room wasn't unoccupied, enough time for me to grab the knob. Will's voice had lost any warmth as he spoke, glaring at Charles. "You need to leave, Charles."

Charles, who had been perusing the shelves, glared right back. "I was told to be here, Will."

"And what exactly were you ordered to do?" Sarcasm dripped from Will's voice as he stepped closer to Charles, "Dust the shelves?"

"Actually, I asked for him to be here." I spoke up, unwilling to relinquish my hold on the doorknob. "You two need to talk."

"Ana-"

"Anastasia you can't be serious-"

"Will, Charles," I glared at both of them in turn, "We arrive in New York tomorrow morning. I refuse to let you two leave like this. If I have to play the jailor, I will. So far as I am concerned, neither of you two will leave this room until you have settled this." With that said I turned, stepped out, and closed the door. A nearby chair provided a doorstop, and I quickly settled myself in it as an extra bulwark. Hopefully they would settle this quick, I was almost finished with my book.

The door was tried several times, thudding into the back of my chair. Will's voice was muffled, "Damn it Ana, let me out."

"Will, stop acting like a child." I spoke quietly to the crack of the door, hoping he heard me through it. The door wasn't tried again, and I focused on my book. It was easier to focus on Nemo and Pierre than think about what the raised voices I was hearing inside the library meant. The exact words were muddled, but the tone was clearly felt. I had no doubt some of the harsh words were directed at me for tricking the both of them, but I shoved that thought aside, focusing on my book. I was nearing the end, where things began to go sideways. I felt for Nemo, having lost his wife and child, but the vengeance that he was wreaking on innocents, solely because of their nationality, was unneeded.

Conflict always muddied situations like that though, the lines between what was right and what was moral blurring. Pierre himself couldn't seem to stomach it, fleeing the Nautilus and thinking the great ship destroyed in the Maelstrom. Of course it wasn't, but I had no desire to read the next book at the moment. Instead I tried to occupy myself with noting the decorations onboard, the fine wood paneling on the edges of the halls, carved and stained dark as blood. I had been reduced to counting the curling leaves on one of the decorations when a soft knock sounded on the door, Charles's voice calling out. "Anastasia, we're good now. Can you please let us out?"

I stood, pulling the chair from the doorway. It swung out, revealing a rather flushed Charles. I had a small smirk on as I looked him up and down, "Are you really good?"

"Yes, yes. We're settled." He shook his head, "He's a damn stubborn fool, but he is my friend." He gestured back into the room, "He's waiting for you inside though, I've got to get back to my work." He did look back after he walked out though, "And you need to learn to stay out of things like this, it wasn't as if we wouldn't have settled things on our own."

"It was so much quicker though," I smiled, turning and stepping into the library. It was so quiet that the door shutting seemed to echo throughout it. The lights were low, and it took me a minute to spot Will, leaning against a bookshelf. "Will, I'm glad you and Charles solved it."

"That was a cruel trick you played, Ana." He glanced over, extending his hand.

I hesitatingly took it, "I'm sorry, but I had to do something." He yanked on my hand, pulling me closer. "It was the only thing I thought to do." It seemed to take little effort for him to lift me up onto one of the tables, his arms caging me as he leaned over. I brought my hand up, brushing my fingers against his cheek. "Please don't be angry."

His hands moved to my skirt, slipping under and beginning to trail up to my thighs. "Oh, I am quite angry Ana." I gasped as his fingers quickly snuck underneath my combinations, brushing against me. "I told you to let me handle it."

"It," I whispered, his ear so close to me that I knew he heard me. "It was my fault, if I hadn't pushed for you to book us a cabin together, oh God." I bit back a moan as his fingers began rubbing. "Will, Will what if someone comes in?"

"Why was it your fault?" He hardly seemed to notice what I had said.

I was panting by then, feeling him press two fingers into me, rubbing mercilessly. "If we travelled separately, fuck Will." I shuddered, grasping his shoulders. "We can't, not here. Please, back at the cabin. I'll do what you want, please Will. I'll use my mouth, just not here."

"Answer me." He curled his fingers, and I almost sobbed at the feeling. "Answer me, and we can go."

"If I hadn't, God, please Will. If we didn't travel under these names, he wouldn't have had the idea." It took quite some time for me to get the statement out, and I couldn't stop the soft moans that were stealing from my throat. "That's all, that's it." I tried to stay quiet, pressing my mouth to him to muffle the cries he was pulling from me.

"You can't know that." Will brushed his thumb against the little bundle of nerves, and I almost cried out, barely holding it in. "But it's done."

"What, what did you say?" I was moving against him now, desperate for my release. I hardly cared if anyone came in, not when he was doing this. All I cared about was his hand and the clenching in my belly.

I could feel Will smirk against my neck, "We both agreed that we each had overreacted, and I told him that it was a kind thought that he had. Even if it seemed like he thought it was a joke." His movements were growing faster, and I felt a keening begin in my throat. "Of course it took a bit to come to that, and there was a bit after we settled things."

"What was, Jesus." I shivered, feeling my stomach tighten. I was so close, and I clutched Will to me, thrusting myself against his hand. "Fuck Will, please."

"Do you want me to stop and go back to the cabin?"

"No, fuck Will. Finish me." I begged, my voice low only for a moment before Will set himself to the task. It was all I had in me to not cry out as I felt my release crest over me, my voice dying in my throat even as it felt like my body sang. I could feel Will brush his fingers off on my combinations as he withdrew his hand, and I almost collapsed against him. "Will, God, what if someone had seen us? What if they heard us?"

"Oh, they'll hear much more in the cabin later." He wrapped his hand in my hair, pulling my head back to look him in the eye. I could barely focus, my lids heavy. "You promised poetry tonight. I even collected a volume of Byron, just like you wanted."

"It wasn't a promise, just a suggestion."

"Hmm, well, we should be off to luncheon first then." He tugged on my hands, pulling me to my feet. "That is, if you're up for it."

I could barely keep my balance, leaning heavily on his arm. "I, I suppose I am." It took a moment before I could even think clearly, and Will and I were making our way back to the lounge by the time I came back to myself. "Wait, what did you and Charles discuss after you had settled things?"

"Oh, he's to be my best man at our wedding. And you're paying for first class tickets for him and Sylvie to come over, and taking her shopping. They'll be staying with us for at least a week before the wedding. And he has an invitation to the engagement party, whenever it is."

I couldn't help but stop, my hand falling from his arm. "Will, that's an ungodly amount."

"Ana," He turned, a smirk on his face and his brow raised, "That is simply the consequences you will have to endure. Unless you want to make me angry again."

Oh God yes, if what he did before was how he punished me. "That depends, do you want me to read your poetry tonight?"

"Oh Ana, I think i'll be the one reading."

Chapter Text

I donned my traveling suit again for our arrival, enduring yet another lecture from Will about the dangers of an over-tightened corset. He seemed to have endless opinions on it, wrangling a promise from me to purchase some of the new fangled brassieres the next time I ordered lingerie. I had glanced back at him in the mirror, "Should I be curious about why you know about brassieres? They've only been around for a couple years."

"Well," He grumbled, ducking his head. "Sisters, nieces, things like that. I hear things."

"Mmmm, and you definitely haven't looked at women's magazines, or talked about it with your friends over a pint." I chuckled, seeing his red face. In the end I had wrapped my arms around him, drawing his attention with little kisses. "It's fine, I'll put in an order for some. Along with a top hat for you."

"Foolish things. My bowler suits me fine, I will have you know." He had in fact collected said bowler from the bed, handing me my forget-me-not hat as well. The rest of our bags had been sent down to join our trunks, to be unloaded and delivered to the dock house.

I pinned the hat to my hair, "And here I thought you thought your Reserves hat was foolish."

"It is the most foolish item I own." Will held out his arm for me, and we made our way up the Boat Deck. It was a beautiful summer day in New York harbor, with the Statue of Liberty keeping sentinel over the rowboats and yachts that were out plying the waters, white sails billowing up and catching any bit of breeze. I had no doubt I knew some of the people on those yachts, and that they were relaxing and drinking chilled wine while their staff did the business of sailing. He watched as a yacht nimbly crested the slight wake of the Oceanic as the tugs directed us towards the docks. "That sailor knows his stuff, that was well done."

"More like his hired hands do," I squeezed his hand, "You'll be the one with the most actual experience up in Newport."

Will looked down at me, "Surely some of them have actually sailed."

"Oh, I have no doubt. But none of them went to sea as young as you did." I shifted, looking out as we approached the dock. The sailors waiting for us had us tied up and the gangplanks extended quickly, and we joined the crowd jostling down them. I couldn't help the smile on my face as we wound through the crowd, searching for our carriage out of the many other carriages, autos, trucks and wagons waiting to take passengers and cargo away. I finally spotted it, a fair distance from the dock. I waved, catching the coachman's notice. "Here!"

He had already jumped down, opening the door. "Miss Anastasia, Mr. Murdoch, welcome back!"

Will disregarded the other bench, sitting next to me and quickly pulling me tight against him. "And are you happy to be back, Miss Anastasia?"

"Of course, Mr. Murdoch." I chuckled, kissing his cheek. "I'm so happy to be back, with you." All it took was a quick whistle, a snap of the reins, and the carriage was pulling out into the streets. The sun hadn't gotten intense enough to drive the crowds from the streets yet, so we had to negotiate our way through. It only gave me more time to point out places to Will, shops and restaurants that we needed to go visit, the houses of some of the richer families we knew. But it took time for the place I was most excited to return to reared up, seven stories of brick and glass that represented all that I loved.

Well, aside from the man at my side.

"Miss Anastasia, oh we're all so happy for you." Peggy was practically waiting on the doorstep, enveloping me in am embrace as soon as I had set foot inside. She turned to Will in a flurry of starched white apron, "And you as well Mr. Murdoch. Your mother is in the parlor, Miss."

She practically hustled us into the parlor, the curtains pulled back and sunlight streaming through. Mother was sat in the rocking chair by the empty fireplace, her hand occupied with her sewing. She looked healthy, full of color and actually smiling. The only thing dark about her was her clothing, still black for her mourning. She looked up as we entered though, the quilt block forgotten as she rushed forward and pulled me into her arms. "Oh my dear Anastasia, my dear girl." She stepped back, bringing her hands up to cup my face. "You look so much better, it's truly a marvel." Her hands moved down from my face, tracing my shoulders before coming to my hands. They pulled them up, displaying my ring. "And this is lovely, really Mr. Murdoch, you have wonderful taste."

"Ah, well." Will ducked his head, "It's a family ring, a bit large for Ana, but it's what I wanted to use. Thank you though, Mrs. Dalian."

She looked back to me, "And are you truly happy with this, Anastasia?"

"Oh Mother, I don't think I could be happier." I hugged her tight again, feeling a sting come to my eyes. There was only one thing that would have made it better, to have Father here to clap Will on the back and offer him a drink. But I couldn't dwell on that, not when I had the two people dearest to me right here. "Has everything been alright while I've been gone?"

"Yes, yes." She shook her head, "Samantha Reichster has been trying to spread rumors, but when isn't that woman spitting venom? Oh, Mr. Murdoch, I had Gareth-" Her voice caught, and she took a deep breath. "I had Gareth's humidor upstairs restocked, please, go fetch a cigar to celebrate with us down here." I saw a huge smile break out on Will's face, and he quickly set off up the stairs. Mother waited until his footsteps faded before turning to me, "Has he been proper with you? Ezekiel mentioned that you spent some time with him unchaperoned."

I could feel my cheeks burning, "He has been nothing but proper Mother, and so kind."

"You had separate cabins on the way back?"

"Yes Mother," I kept my words short, not trusting my face. "And we only promenaded when others could see us."

She returned to her chair, a smile still on her face. "I know you have a predilection for staying close to him, especially at night." Her eyebrows went up, a knowing look gleaming in her eye. "I am afraid I am going to have to insist for it to stop, until your wedding. He is welcome to stay in the house with you, in the room you gave him before, but I have given strict orders to the staff. Separate rooms, and if you do not obey that rule, I will have them lock you in at night."

I had to bite back my first reaction, taming my voice down from the yell that I wanted to release. "Mother, don't you trust me? Or Will?"

"Oh I trust each of you on your own." She gave a short laugh, "But together? I'm afraid not. And when we head up to Newport it will be the same. Speaking of Newport, how is his wardrobe? Yours will suffice, the order from Paris arrived while you were away. I am afraid you two will have to be our representatives at the various parties, etiquette and all."

"It is rather lacking." I sat down, brushing my hands over my skirt. "We brought back a good deal of what he has, several suits and his uniforms. A few hats, shoes, but that's about it."

"Nothing formal?"

"Not outside of his uniforms."

"Hmmm," She hummed, considering for a moment. "I will see about engaging a valet for him quickly, Peggy has already interviewed several ladies maids for you and was only awaiting your decision."

"I brought up a valet to him earlier, he won't even think of it."

"Honestly, what is it with the men we fall for?" Mother smiled, her eyes far away. "Gareth only hired one after we got engaged and I forced him to."

"Perhaps you can force Will to accept one?"

"I think that's your duty." She turned, looking up. I could smell the cigar smoke behind me, sweeter than the cigarettes I had smelled on him the other day. "Wouldn't you agree, William?"

"I'm afraid I'm not going to agree to anything unless I know exactly what it is." Will chuckled, coming to sit on the settee. "What is it?"

"A valet, for you." I smirked, seeing his brow immediately furrow. "It's a part of life when you live like we do, Will. And he doesn't just help you get dressed, he helps with correspondence, with sending messages. Some of them even act like bodyguards."

"All of which are things that I can do, along with shaving myself and brushing my own hair." Will puffed away on the cigar, "What will he do when I begin working again? I highly doubt the other officers would appreciate me bringing a valet along and taking up a berth."

"Mr. Murdoch, my word." Mother shook her head, chuckling. "You're acting as if we're offering to torture you."

"I'm afraid I am just unused to what is common to you."

"Perhaps instead of hiring a new valet, we could simply train one of the footmen?" I spoke as the idea formed in my mind, "That way when you are sailing he can just return to his usual duties."

He inhaled, holding the smoke for a moment. "Maybe, but must it be settled now?"

"No, it does not need to be." Mother pulled a threaded needle from her basket, beginning her sewing again. "Although you may want to return upstairs for a rest and a change of clothes, Morgan, Abraham and Ezekiel will be over later. Morgan is over the moon about this, she refused to wait for the party to come celebrate."

I stifled a yawn that was threatening to slip out, "A rest doesn't sound too terrible. Travel is rather exhausting."

"Well, I will head up later. And Anastasia, remember what I said." Mother caught my eye, her voice firmed. I gave a small nod, making for the stairs. My own bed sounded like heaven at the moment, although I could hear Will following me up behind me. My bed might be a bit less than heaven, I was unwilling to have the servants lock me in my rooms at night like a child.

Which meant that I had to turn to Will, my voice quiet. "Will, there's something you should know. Mother doesn't want us sharing a bed until the wedding."

"Well, we'll keep up the charade when she's here." He stepped up, slipping a hand to my waist.

I shook my head, "She's told the servants to lock us in our rooms if we don't follow her order." His hand dropped away, his face falling as it did. I pressed a hand to his chest, twining my fingers in the lapels of his jacket. "I'm sure we can still spend time alone together. You did say you wanted to supply the library with some poetry, we could always go up there."

"Yes, well," He pulled my hand up, squeezing my fingers. "I knew things would change here, just never thought it would be within the first few hours of arriving."

"They're just small changes," I leaned up, kissing his cheek. "And it changes nothing about how I feel. I just don't want to see you talked about for being out of step with our set. I want them to see you as I do, handsome and kind and the best of men."

"Handsome, Ana?" He dropped his lips to my cheek, "And what exactly is it that you find most handsome about an old tar like me?"

"Will, you are not that old. I prefer your eyes above all though, such a true blue. Deep, but they can be icy and clear. Now, go get some rest. Dinner is likely to be a bit of a trial. And don't think I won't notice if you and Ezekiel slip off to discuss things by yourself. Zachary is still in Berlin, and I still don't want you two to do anything."

"Ana, you have to admit, it is tempting." He chuckled, "As are you at the moment."

"And you aren't? Do not think that you haven't been tempting me right now, Will. But I know that both of us can resist our temptations well enough."

"Only for so long though Ana, once I have some poetry in your house I may not be able to resist much longer." Will snorted lightly, and I forced my face down. My mouth had dropped open, remembering the last night onboard the Oceanic. It hadn't been a single moment of pleasure for him, I had offered my hands and mouth and he had gladly taken both. It had been heaven to hear his voice catch as he read while tangling one hand in my hair, guiding me in his pleasure. He hadn't been selfish that night either, letting me find my pleasure while rocking against him and using his fingers to set me begging. I felt Will's fingers tipping my chin back up, "Ana, I was only joking."

"Oh, Will." I shook my head, "It's alright. I'm just going to find it hard to return to my old life after our time in Southampton."

"I'm only across the hall." He murmured, brushing his thumb along my jaw. "We're still together, even if it's not in the same bed."

"I know, I know." I sighed, "Just foolishness I guess, please, go get some rest. I'll meet you out here when it's time for dinner."

"You need your rest as well, my little fool." He pressed a kiss to my forehead before turning and slipping through the door. I made my way in as well, breathing in the scent of my rooms that rushed towards me. Someone had cleaned thoroughly while I had been away, the floors shone with fresh wax and the rugs had been beaten. The clock on the mantel ticked away, newly wound and chiming softly as I headed for my dressing room.

A maid was already waiting, helping me slip out of my traveling clothes and into a tea gown that swirled around my ankles. It was full enough that I didn't have to worry about harming it by slipping into bed, the lavender sachets Peggy had begun slipping into my pillows perfuming the air. I breathed deeply, trying to forget how my bed seemed so large, the sheets so cool, and the lack of a weight on my waist. I noticed a paper had been left on the table by my bed, usually where my book rested. I pulled it over, seeing it had been left open to a page.

Mrs. Ruth Dalian is pleased to announce the engagement of her daughter, Anastasia, to Mr. William Murdoch of Southampton, England. Invitations will be sent out to the celebration of this happy occasion, and are required for attendance.

The early evening found me surrounded by a variety of new dresses, all considered and decided against. I wished I had the dove gray silk I had worn before, and while there was something similar, the chiffon draping just wasn't pleasing to me at the moment. It was just too much drapery, too little embellishment. I sighed, setting a pink gown back into the wardrobe. I looked to Peggy, standing back after she had helped me into my corset. "Are you certain I can't just wear black?"

"Yes, Miss." She nodded, "Your mother has said you're free from your mourning, in light of the happy occasion. Perhaps this would suffice?" She lifted a pastel green silk from a wardrobe, the skirt shorter than what I was used to, looking as if it would brush against my calves.

I considered it for a moment, "White stockings, a silk shawl, and my pearls?"

"It would be lovely, Miss." Peggy gestured for me to step in front of a mirror, lifting it over my head and letting it settle around me. Her fingers skillfully did up the buttons along the back. "Lighter colors suit you well, especially with the color you've gained."

I anxiously peered in the mirror, looking for any trace of a sunburn. "Oh Peggy don't say that, I swear I wore a hat every time I went out."

"I meant your natural color, Miss." She brought my pearls over from the carved jewelry case on the vanity, draping them around my throat. "You were so pale when you left, and you had such dark circles under your eyes. Now you look much better." I brushed a hand against the pearls, already slightly warm against my skin. They did look well with the dress, the shimmering ivory chiffon over the light green silk with its square neck. It was so short though, the white silk stockings leaving nothing of my lower legs to the imagination. It was not that I was embarrassed of them, they looked well turned in the white leather heeled shoes, but I was just unused to showing them so openly. Peggy brought a shawl over, placing it over my arms, the white kid gloves almost hidden by it even though they covered my forearms. I brushed at my curled hair before opening the door to the hallway.

Will, his cheeks pink from a fresh shave, was examining his pipe in the hallway. He was wearing a dinner jacket, which I had no doubt he'd been forced into. He must have noticed me looking at him, for he slipped his pipe into a pocket and offered his arm. "Your mother has already set a footman to me, apparently a plain suit won't do for a dinner with guests."

"It's only Abraham and Morgan, although I doubt Ezekiel will wear one." I took his arm, noting how he looked down at my legs emerging from the skirt. "Do you approve?"

He immediately raised his head, staring down the stairs as we started on them. "Oh, ah, your dress is lovely. And your shoes, very pretty."

"What about my stockings?"

"They are very white." He flushed a bit, "As are your pearls." Mother must have been planning the dinner for quite sometime, the dining room had been aired out and a damask tablecloth covered the massive mahogany table, even though only six places were set. A large vase of lilies, orange blossoms and amaryllis had been set out, an explosion of color against the dark wood. Light shined down from the chandeliers, glinting off crystals and flooding in from outside. The doors to our small courtyard had been opened, lanterns hung and resting on wicker tables, adding beeswax to the perfume of the room. Will stopped when we reached the door, "This is quite something."

"Mother has a tendency to go overboard," I squeezed his arm. "Don't be afraid."

"I'm not afraid," He said, striding into the dining room. "Just amazed." I watched him take in the various crystal glasses set out around his place setting, the silverware embossed with an elegant scrolled D. I must have looked quite the same when I had found his plain flatware and dinner service. While he may have been surprised by the setting, he had impeccable manners which he demonstrated by rising and giving Mother a half bow as she entered, having changed into a finer black dress. "Mrs. Dalian, this is lovely. Thank you."

"Mr. Murdoch, this is a simple gathering of family and friends." She collected a glass of champagne from a footman, actually wearing his formal uniform for once. We tended to disdain the formal uniforms some others required their footmen to be in every day, but apparently tonight called for the dark blue silk knee breeches and frock coat, with the gold bullion trim. She gestured to the open doors, "We can wait on the terrace for the Fields. They shouldn't be too long."

Will and I followed her out, sitting down at a settee and sipping on our drinks. I felt Will reach for my free hand, his fingers warm even through my gloves. He nodded to Mother, "You garden is quite something."

"It is small compared to some others you will see," She looked out at the trellises covered in jasmine flowers, the breeze stirring the scent. "That is, before you head off on our newest ship." I must have made some reaction, for she laughed. "Anastasia, Mr. Welton telegrammed me in quite a state over your demands. I could see nothing wrong with it though, as I did tell Mr. Murdoch to not discount our company."

"I am quite excited to begin sailing for you, Mrs. Dalian." Will sat a little straighter as he spoke.

Mother smiled, "We still have some time. The ship will be ready to launch in August, which means the soonest she will set out is late September. I encourage you to enjoy your time ashore, you will find it in short supply soon."

"I fully intend to." Will said before looking aside, hearing voices coming from the dining room. The Fields had arrived, and were immediately greeted with embraces and handshakes, Will receiving a clap on the back from Abraham, while Morgan simply threw her arms around him and thanked him for everything he had done. Will had to straighten his dinner jacket after he had extricated himself, "There's no need to thank me, Mrs. Fields. It was certainly no hardship."

"Oh, but you must tell us everything." She called back over her shoulder as we returned to the dining room and took our seats.

More footmen in their formal wear quickly emerged before Will could answer, setting the first course down in front of all of us. Will waited until they had left before speaking over his crab bisque. "I had thought to take Ana out, perhaps to Brighton for a day and ask her after a dinner." He reached for my hand, his eyes catching mine. "But then I saw her, she had come to visit me in my house, and I just couldn't wait."

Morgan sighed, her eyelashes fluttering with such a speed it had to be deliberate. "Oh, how romantic. Abraham simply asked me when I met him at his ship one day."

"I had almost died on that trip." Abraham grumbled, "I wasn't taking any chances after that."

Ezekiel rolled his eyes, "Mother, Father, please. I've heard this a hundred times." I saw Mother glance down, focusing on her soup. I had heard the story though, as had the Fields, about how she and Father had been courting through letters, until one day he showed up on her father's doorstep with a ring. He had only had her father's permission for but a moment before he had turned to Mother, saying that he could not go another day without having her by his side.

I turned to her, hoping to draw her out of her thoughts. "What day did you have in mind for the party, Mother?"

"Certainly sometime before Mr. Murdoch sets out again." She shook her head slightly, "Perhaps just after the launch of the ship. Two joyous occasions for our family." I drew her on with conversation about the details, Morgan jumping in enthusiastically and helping me bring Mother around.

"I swear, they will speak all night of the party. Any excuse to dress us up in tails." Ezekiel shook his head, "Tell me, Mr. Murdoch, how did you find the trip back?" The men started talking of sailing almost immediately after Will had related the storm the first night, surprise surprise. It quickly turned into all of them sharing their stories about the worst storm they had endured, each trying beat the other. I kept one ear open for their talk, even as we made our way through several more courses.

Mother had arranged for almost everything already it seemed; plans to use the Fifth Avenue house ballrooms, an orchestra to provide the music, a French chef for the dinner, fresh flowers and gifts for the attendees. By the time we had a handle on everything, the men had already finished the discussion over the newest ship and Ezekiel had promised to take Will on a tour of our offices, docks and the shipyard before we left for Newport. I had barely tasted the ice cream that had been brought out, and Will immediately offered the other two men a cigar to smoke outside while we enjoyed a sherry at the table.

Mother had hers drained first, and gave a smile to Morgan and I. "I am afraid I am quite spent, please, stay and enjoy another round." She rose, calling for a maid to attend her in her rooms upstairs.

I almost spilled the sherry I was pouring for the both of us when Morgan spoke under her breath. "Did my lessons help?"

"Morgan!" The bottle almost fell, and I felt a rush of relief at seeing the unmarked tablecloth. "Good God."

"Anastasia, be glad I waited until your mother left. Now tell me, did they help or do I need to speak to Mr Murdoch about his husbandly duties?"

"No, no. Nothing to Will, not from you." I swirled the sherry in my glass, and hoping for a bit of courage, downed it in a single gulp. "Your lessons were very helpful, now please, can we speak of something else?"

"No, I am quite happy to continue this. The boys won't notice, not out there. Has he used his mouth on you? There are such wonderful things he can do with it."

I would definitely need another sherry.

Chapter Text

Will's new valet in training was dedicated to his new position, taking Will's measurements and returning with an absolutely absurd number of shirts, jackets, coats and hats. Will took to hiding in my sitting room when the man came looking for him, usually with a book in his hand or tugging me into a corner. I had laughed when he pulled me into a corner where you would not be able to see it when the door opened. "Will, it's just clothes."

"It's too much Ana, far too much. He brought out top hats just now, just samples to see which design looks best on me." He pressed his lips to my shoulder, covered by my dress. "It's been nothing but clothes and lectures on how I was using the wrong fork for the main course last night."

I chuckled, squeezing his shoulders. "What do you think the first sixteen years of my life were? Just be glad you don't have to learn to dance a quadrille."

"Oh God, he did mention he wanted to see us dance in case some correction was needed." Will rose from where he had been leaning over me, casting a look around. "But this is the most we've been able to be alone for a week and a half, and I intend to take advantage of it." His hands dropped to my waist, drifting even farther to clutch at my backside and pull me flush to him.

I pressed myself to him, wishing I could stay. "You're going with Ezekiel to the shipyard today, remember? And I have to get the last fitting done on my dress before the party Saturday."

"We haven't read any poetry for awhile, Ana." He rumbled against me, and I couldn't resist letting one of my legs drift up and wrap around his legs. "And I want you Ana, but your damn servants." He had made his first trip out on the town, by himself, to arrange for a delivery of poetry volumes within the first five days of being here. It had necessitated a shift in the library, although he kept several volumes for his own rooms. He had left one in my sitting room the other day, a page containing a rather lusty poem marked. I had read it, flame cheeked, and then returned it to his, my own selection marked for him. That had been the most salacious our contact had gotten.

"I know, I know." I muttered against him, "Too industrious by far."

"Haven't even been able to kiss you like I want." He reared back, staring down. I felt my lips drop open, an invitation that he swiftly took advantage of as his lips crashed into mine. It was not the most refined kiss, our teeth clacked together at one point and our noses were an obstacle, but it was the most I had had from him since we had returned. Peggy had been fanatical about escorting me to bed, ensuring that Will only gave me a chaste kiss before going to his own rooms. At first she had even set a footman to guarding the hallway between our rooms, especially after Mother had left. Now she only had him make regular rounds, or she sent a maid up to ensure that I was alone in my rooms at night.

The nightmares hadn't returned, I had just had so much to deal with that it seemed they had fled. Fittings for my dress, a trip to the jewelers to finally have my ring resized, approving the flower arrangements and the menu. Filling out the invitations had taken a solid three days, leaving my hand cramped and ink-stained by the end of it. Part of me thought it was the activity, but when I had been alone before the activity had done nothing to alleviate my dreams.

It was Will.

Having him by me, listening to his stories about meeting Mr. Keller and the office staff as Abraham had brought him around to be introduced. He had read aloud to me while I had filled out the invitations, although he despaired of our library and let me know it. Apparently we had too many history books, not what he preferred to read. His poetry trip had remedied that, although he had also brought his half completed model up the library, placing it out on a table and working on it when he had a moment during the day. I would join him, watched by a maid as I handed him pieces and questioned him about his construction. We would sit across from each other in the dining room every evening, enjoying a simple dinner each night. And then it was upstairs to our separate rooms. Even without his arms around me at night, the knowledge that he was so close, that I could call for him if I needed and he would come, was comforting.

These thoughts were racing through my mind as I curled my fingers around Will's head, wishing I could thread my fingers through his hair like he was doing to mine. We hadn't been able to be alone for very often, or for very long and intended to take advantage of this opportunity as I let my hand drift from his waist, heading below his belt. The most we had been able to get away with was moments like this, a hurried kiss before we were interrupted. As if on cue I heard the knob to sitting room door turn, Peggy calling out as I snatched my hand back. "Miss, Ezekiel is here to take Mr. Murdoch to the shipyard. And your mother is waiting for you in the motor. Do you require a moment to fix your appearance?"

Will gave a groan, and I was thankful that I was hidden by the door as I hurriedly set my clothes to rights. He sighed, watching me. "I'll be right down Peggy, please make sure Ezekiel doesn't take off before I get there."

"Considering Mrs. Dalian has his cab blocked, I think you might have a chance Mr. Murdoch." Peggy chuckled, stepping away but leaving the door open. A very clear sign that we were to be respectable and emerge in a timely manner. Will tugged his jacket into place, leaving me with a kiss on the cheek before heading out. I had to take a moment to ensure that my hair hadn't fallen too much before I followed, waving to Ezekiel as I placed my hat on my head and joined Mother in the motorcar.

Mother looked over as I sat next to her, "Bidding farewell to Mr. Murdoch for the day?" I couldn't even think of anything to say, blushing and ducking my head as she chuckled. "Really Anastasia, I can understand loving your fiancé but must you indulge in those affections?"

"It's, it was nothing Mother. Just a simple kiss to say goodbye for the day."

"A simple kiss does not lead to your hair coming out of its pins. Take off your hat and let me fix it." She gestured for me to turn my back to her, the large hat with its bow and flowers in my lap as she gently twisted my hair back into its style. I sighed, enjoying the feel of her fingers on my scalp. I had always loved when she had helped with my hair when I was younger, often eschewing the nannies and governesses of the stylish set in favor of her own hands. I had remarked on the oddness of it when compared to the other girls my age one time, she had simply replied that she liked it and her own mother would have killed her to see her little girl being prettied by another's hand. Her hand lingered for a moment, "I just don't want to see you ruined, my dear girl."

"Will has sworn he will not go beyond kisses until we're married." I said as I turned in my seat to face the right way, "And he is serious about it Mother, we discussed it at his house in Southampton."

"That's another thing I wanted to speak to you about, going to his house? Unchaperoned? You should just be glad it was only Ezekiel who saw you, and that he refused to share it to anyone but me."

"I didn't know how else to find him, and I wanted to speak to him in private. Really Mother, you have nothing to worry about."

"I'm your mother, part of that role is to worry about you." She squeezed my hand, "And your reputation. What do you think the Reichsters would say if they found out about that? Samantha is already on a tear after coming back from Berlin, imagine what she could spin if she had that as ammunition. You would have to marry within a month."

Would that truly be such a bad thing? I was about to give voice to that thought when I looked to her, black and still as she watched me. A woman in full mourning couldn't attend a wedding, even if it was for her own daughter. Father already wouldn't be there, Mother had to be. She just had to. So I nodded, "I understand Mother, I will be better about ensuring that everything remains respectable."

"That is all that I want." She started as the car stopped, "Ah, Bloomingdale's. Perfect, ready for your fitting?" She and I made our way through the store happily, stopping to moon over soft gloves and elegant fans, hats freshly delivered from Paris shops and new dresses that hung straight down. Mother snorted at those, I knew she favored more feminine styles. Usually with a train. Which was why I found myself standing in front of several mirrors, wrapped in dark blue silk, covered in an even darker chiffon, with scattering patterns of gold beads catching the light, and a skirt that trailed five feet behind me and would have to be looped up for dancing.

I looked at myself, remembering my debut dress. I had felt so beautiful in it that night, when I had been able to put my hair up and let my skirts down. Father had walked me into the ballroom, even dancing with me though I knew he hated it. I blinked away the memory, turning to the seamstress who was adjusting the hem. "Could we smooth out the line to the train? I think it's a little too abrupt of a turn."

"Yes, Miss." She nodded, unpinning that section of the hem and smoothing it out. "Is that better?"

"Yes, thank you." I shifted, it had already been awhile that I had been standing there. Mother spoke up briefly with several corrections, chiefly concerning the pleating on the chiffon. By the end of the fitting the beaded fabric curled down from one shoulder, was caught at a knot at my hip, then covered the whole of the skirt and the train. I turned, examining myself. "It's perfect."

"You'll need some jewelry for it," Mother got to her feet with a slight groan, coming up to stand by me and examine the mirror. "I don't suppose Mr. Murdoch has the money for sapphires?"

"You know he doesn't Mother, and that it doesn't matter to me if he does." I sniffed, standing still as one of the seamstresses came up behind me to unfasten the dress.

Mother gestured to the seamstress to step away for a moment, then turned and opened the door to the fitting room. I almost started from the block I was standing on at seeing a man walk in, a large flat box in his hands. To have a man enter a woman's fitting room while she's being fitted, not even the owner would be so bold. But he simply bowed to Mother, passing over the box. She looked up at me, "Close your eyes, my dear girl." I quickly shut my eyes, that strange feeling of someone moving around you but you couldn't see them taking over. That, and anticipation as I felt her drape a necklace around my neck, slip earrings through my ears, bracelets on my wrist, and even a tiara in my hair. Her voice was thick when she spoke again, "Open."

I gasped, taking in the sight of myself in the mirrors. The pieces she had selected were not heavy with stones, but those that were set in gold filigree were a dark and pure blue. They glittered among my hair, curled around my neck, and graced my wrists. The light glinted off them as I brought my hand up, staring at the delicate bracelets. "Mother, oh they're beautiful."

"They're my engagement gift." She took my hand, giving it a squeeze. "I really am happy for you, my dear Anastasia. Especially after what has happened. In fact, I have another gift in mind, but you will have to discuss it with your Mr. Murdoch."

"Oh Mother," I stepped down, pulling her into an embrace. "This is more than enough."

I felt her hands tighten around my shoulders, "Still, please talk to him about redecorating your father and I's room at the dock house. I am more comfortable at the Fifth Avenue house, and I would assume you two would like to share a bedroom once you're married. I will gladly pay for what you desire."

"I believe we would." I stepped back, reaching up to brush aside the tears I could see in the corner of her eyes. I could not help but think that she preferred the Fifth Avenue house because it held far fewer memories of Father, of the years they had spent together. It still gave me an odd feeling in my stomach to think of taking over their rooms though, as if I would displace them. It was foolishness, complete foolishness I reminded myself. It was simply a bedroom connected to two separate dressing rooms and a bathroom, rooms were shifted around all the time. And I had hardly spent any time in them, I couldn't even remember what they looked like. I watched Mother collect herself for a moment, "But where will you sleep when you come visit for holidays? Don't think you're getting out of that, you're still my Mother and I will always need you."

"We have plenty of rooms, and I have no doubt you will find some way to make use of them aside from setting one aside for your poor old Mama."

"You are hardly old Mother, and definitely not poor." I chuckled, leaning down from my perch to hold her close. I gave her a tight squeeze, "What about you, haven't you got a dress to be fitted for?"

"Mine was finished weeks ago, it's much easier to work in black." She sniffed, stepping back. "Now, take all those off and let them get you out of that. I'll take everything with me, the party is only a few days away and it will be better to store them with me until the day of. You and Mr. Murdoch are still coming over the morning of the party and staying the night, correct?"

"Yes Mother," I breathed, feeling the seamstress step up behind me and begin unfastening the gown. It pooled at my feet in a swirl of silk and gold beads, quickly scooped up before it would wrinkle. The seamstress slipped the jewelry box in with the dress after she had boxed it, handing it over to the driver as we emerged outside of the store. He handled it reverently, placing it on the bench across from us, then handing us each up into the cab. It hardly seemed a moment before he was idling in front of the dock house, and Mother had me latched in her arms again. I ducked my head over her shoulder, "I'll see you soon."

"Of course, and tell your Mr. Murdoch I have a gift for him when you arrive the morning of the party. That should at least ensure he brings you there in a timely manner." She chuckled at that, then shooed me back to the house. I waved as she left, feeling lighter than I had in a long time. It was getting late but not too late, which would give me enough time to change into a nicer dress for dinner. It was a lovely gold silk, covered with a black tulle lace, but I constantly had to stand and smooth it as I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

After the first hour I had spent in the dining room, waiting for Will, I had decided to get a book and retire outside to read. It was dark, and growing darker by the minute. Part of me worried about him, that something had happened to him and Ezekiel at the shipyard. A thief had left them lying bloody in an alley, or a piece pf machinery had crushed them while they had been examining the ship. I shook my head, focusing on my book. They were just late, it would be fine. When I turned back to look into the dining room again, I saw the plates had been set out. They wouldn't have put the food out to get cold, Will must have arrived. I rushed to my seat, leaving my book outside and trying my best to make it look like I had just arrived. The footman opened the dining room door, revealing a Will that was rather more rumpled than when he had set off this morning. I stood up from the table, smiling. "Will, welcome back! Ezekiel must have kept you for quite awhile. Please, sit, eat something."

He shrugged his jacket off, laying it over a chair and standing across from me in his double breasted waistcoat, the chain of his watch gleaming in the electric light. He looked to the footman who had returned to waiting on the side of the room, "Can you dismiss him?"

"Mr. Murdoch, I am to stay and supervise the meal." The footman spoke up, pursing his lips.

"And I need to speak to my fiancée privately. It will not be long enough for me to ravish her on the dinner table." His voice was low, and he looked to me again. "Ana, please send him away. I need to speak to you alone."

My stomach had dropped out, and I nodded to the footman to leave. I kept my hands on the back of my chair to give me some support after the door closed. "Will, what ever is the matter?"

"Why didn't you tell me about Zachary at the charity ball?" He mirrored my pose, his blue eyes holding mine.

"I did, I told you he had an outburst after I refused his proposal."

"You didn't tell me that he called you a dockside whore." I squeezed my eyes shut at his words, but he continued. "A slut who spread her legs for all of the officers, who liked rough men with little cash. Christ, Ezekiel said he almost shot him dead there in the ballroom after hearing what he said."

I took a breath, opening my eyes. "So he told you that?"

"We had a few beers after seeing the new ship, she is lovely by the way, and we got to talking. Ezekiel, and myself I might add, can't understand why you stopped him that night. Your life would have been much easier with Zachary dead in a ditch. All our lives would have been easier."

"Because I didn't want to see Ezekiel hanged for shooting Zachary over a bunch of lies." I stared at him, twisting my fingers around the chair. "And I don't want to see that for you either. You know those were lies, Ezekiel knows those were lies. Everyone knows they were lies, spouted off by a drunk who fled across the Atlantic right after to hide away. I wasn't the one being spoken about after it, he was. He was the one who was shamed by his actions, by his lies."

"And you know people will still spread them!" He raked his hand through his hair, stalking down to the end of the table and coming towards me. "All those people you're going to rejoin after the party, back in Society, they're going to be whispering all of that behind your back. What do you think I'm going to hear whispered a hundred times behind my own back in Newport? His fiancée is a whore, probably bedding a dozen men behind his back. Take her some cash and she'll open her legs right up. And you left me to learn it now, three days before the party!"

He had stopped in front of me, staring down. I could only hold his gaze for a moment, dropping my head as a rush of shame overcame me. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to think about him anymore. Because he's a horrible, awful man, and he will say those things regardless of if they are true. Because I had you by my side, finally, and things felt right and I just didn't want to make you think that things had been so awful while you had been gone. I didn't want to think about it any more. It was in the past, and I had my future to look to."

"Ana," He said after a moment, his voice softer as he rested his hands on my shoulders. "Even if your mother hadn't written that letter, I could have seen that you had not been well while I had been away. You were so pale, and I could feel your bones in your wrists when I touched them. I didn't even have to squeeze." I sniffed, letting him tilt my chin back up. "You may say that what he said were lies that you didn't want to think on, but I have no doubt you did. You don't have to protect me from those things, I can assure you I've heard much worse." He leaned down, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "But not about someone who is going to be my wife soon."

"I'm sorry, Will." I mumbled, "I should have told you."

"I don't ever want to hear you say you're sorry over something involving him." He brushed his fingers across my face, tucking my hair back. "But no more trying to protect me. We're going to be married soon, we can't keep secrets from each other anymore. We have to face these things together."

"I don't suppose you have any secrets?"

"I've bared myself to you completely," He kissed my cheek, then moved back to his chair across from me. "You know all there is to know about me."

"We've each seen each other at our lowest then," I said, brushing my skirt underneath me to sit right. "Which means we can only go up. So long as that is what you want."

"I want nothing more," He smiled, his blue eyes flashing. "Except perhaps for you in my bed, but you can call the footman back in if you think you need a witness to stop me."

"You've proven your ability to restrain yourself," I looked to my food, picking up my fork. "I think we can manage alone."

"We're not alone, we're together."

"I meant without the servants."

"Oh, right."

I looked up from my potatoes, "You know, I did bring a volume of Keats down to keep me company while I waited for you. We could retire to the terrace after dinner, for a nightcap."

"I don't suppose you remember some of the lines you were reading before I returned?" His eyes were dark, his food forgotten as he stared across at me.

"Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard, are sweeter." I recited, my voice low so that he leaned across the table to hear it.

His nostrils flared slightly as he breathed in, "Ode to a Grecian Urn. Ana, you had best call the footman back if you intend for us to have that nightcap. I cannot keep myself from you if you read it."

Chapter Text

Gifts had been arriving ceaselessly for the past two weeks, and I had almost had to keep an inventory of everything we had received. A set of new navigational tools for Will from the Fields, a massive new set of dinnerware, over six hundred pieces, from Mrs. Brown who was deeply upset she would be missing the party, and a set of candlesticks that had been dropped off the day before the party by a grinning Charles Lightoller. He had almost brandished them at us, "I know they're poor compared to your usual set, but Sylvie thought you would like them."

They were rather plain, but they shone brilliantly and I handed them off to a footman to join the rest of the gifts. "Oh Charles, they're lovely. Really. And you have your invitation for tomorrow?"

"Tucked away in my formal coat," Charles grinned, "Although I would like to beg another from you, Harold's getting in tomorrow and I would prefer to drag him along rather than show up on my own."

"Oh, of course!" I smiled, reaching for the stack of blank invitations that had basically lived on the small secretary desk in the parlor for the past week. Callers, fresh from Newport, had been coming and asking about the party, thinly veiled requests for invitations. I had been judicious in handing them out, and Mother had already drilled into her servants what family was expressly forbidden from coming, even if they somehow acquired an invitation. So it was only the work of a minute to sign Harold's name to an invitation and hold it out. "Here, and please tell him to come in formal wear. And not to worry about a gift, just him being there is enough." He had rolled his eyes at that, bidding me farewell until the next day.

The next morning found me reviewing a few last minute gifts while I waited for Will to come down for the drive over to Mother's. The servants, under Peggy's direction, had placed them all the parlor and left me a paper to record the contents and the senders for thanks later. I had gotten to the last of them, a low velvet box with a small letter on top. It was unaddressed, and I quickly ripped it open, thinking nothing more than that I needed to get this settled before heading off with Will, who I could now see coming down the stairs and towards the parlor. A heavy musk cologne seemed to emanate from the letter as I unfolded it, hurtling me back in time to a horrible day in this very room.

My dear sweet Anastasia,

You have no idea how disappointed Samantha and I were to not receive an invitation to your engagement party. After such a long history between our families, it seems impossible for you to have forgot to include us on the guest list. It has been ages since I have seen you, I have almost forgotten what you look like. Still, we, and most especially I, wanted to send along our congratulations and a gift. I hope that you will wear it and come call on us, with your sailor. Rubies would suit your complexion far better than any other stone, as I have told you before. Again, please call on us at anytime, I have dearly missed seeing you and do not wish to go on much longer suffering in that way. You must be radiant with joy over your engagement, and that can only improve your beauty. As can my humble gift. Please, I desire nothing more than to see you wear it when you visit.

Eternally in your service,

Your Loving Henry

My hands had begun to shake as I picked up the flat velvet box, the lid jittering slightly as I opened in. Resting on the black velvet cushion inside was a golden peacock, more of a collar than a necklace. A hinge on the back opened it, so that when it was worn it would lay at the base of the wearer's neck with the head on one side and the tail on the other. Each was so encrusted with rubies that it was hard to tell any detail, and when I picked it up it weighed heavily in my hands.

I dropped it like it had burned me, throwing the box across the table. Will, his bowler in his hands, turned, "Ana, what is it?"

I had already wrapped my hands around my waist, my breathing short and panicked as I squeezed my eyes shut. I was safe, I was in my house, Will was here, it was just some servant who didn't know where it had come from. They had just thought it was another gift, delivered by another servant. They all knew what Mr. Reichster looked like, they all knew to let him no where near the house. When I opened my eyes, Will was knelt in front of me, talking, but I couldn't understand him. I thrust the letter towards Will, before returning my hand to wrap around me. I felt his hand reach out and rest on my knee, even as he spread out the letter with the other. He crumpled it in his fist once he finished, "What do you want me to do?"

"Send it back." I whispered, glancing at the innocent looking velvet box. "Get rid of it. Will, please. Please."

Will looked at it for a moment, then grabbed at the sheet of paper and pen I had been using. He tore off the bottom of the sheet, the pen scratching quickly across the page. I watched the letters form as he did. Stay away from Anastasia or I will kill you. That is no idle threat. Do not test me. He waited only a moment before opening the box, tossing the paper inside, and turning to a maid. "Send that back to the Reichster house. With one of the footmen, in fact send two. Throw it at them if you must."

"Yes, Mr. Murdoch." She quickly bobbed, scrabbling for the box and hustling away.

Will didn't waste any time in getting me to my feet and handing me up into the barouche, pulling the roof over to provide shade from the morning sun. He called to the coachman as he sat, "Take us through Central Park before we head over, just a quick drive." The coachman nodded, setting the horses off. With the shelter of the roof, Will drew me back and spoke quietly. "Ana, what was meant by the necklace?"

I looked down at my hands, held tightly in his. "When he, when he was there before I came over, he-" I squeezed his hands, trying to settle myself. "He said he wanted me draped in gold and rubies, and that, that he wanted me wearing nothing but that, waiting for him. And then he would-" I felt my stomach twist, and I tried to stop myself from retching. Will put an arm around my waist, pulling me close and holding me. I breathed in his cologne, trying to calm myself. I was with Will, I was safe with him, in our carriage, we had just trotted into Central Park. Everything was fine. I huddled a bit closer to him, "I'm sorry, I-"

"I told you, you do not need to be sorry about anything they did to you." Will fairly growled, "Although it makes me want to kill him even more. Just breathe, that's all I want you to do. Don't think about any of that, just breathe." He very loudly began to breathe slowly, and I tried to match his pace. Not thinking, not thinking about Mr. Reichster's hands on me, or what he meant by the letter. Not thinking about whether he'd be following me around in Newport, or what Will might do if he did. Just breathing in with Will, trotting through Central Park, feeling the warm breeze blowing through. I looked out, noting the other carriages, the families strolling along, couple picnicking together on the grass. Will gave my hand a squeeze, "Better?"

"Very much." I made to shift away to free up his space, but I felt his arm tighten around me. "Thank you."

"No reason to go moving away," He said as he lightly dug his fingers into my side, "We are engaged, it's not too out of the ordinary." He kept his hand on my waist even as the driver pulled out of the park, setting us off towards Fifth Avenue. Will kept pointing out houses, stores, even other carriages and asking what I knew about them. Talking to him about meaningless things like that kept me focused, so much so that I barely noticed that we had reached the house until he was handing me out.

Mr. Rigby, Mother's butler, greeted us at the door. "Rooms have been prepared for the both of you, one of the girls will show you up. Mrs. Dalian has asked to see you in the parlor though, before you both head up." He gestured towards a waiting maid in her starched apron, who bobbed and led us up though the house, curtseying again as we entered the parlor.

Mother stood from the wing-backed chair she had been sitting in, a case in her hand. She smiled, "Welcome, oh I am so looking forward to tonight. But I realized, I forgot something when I visited you two." She extended the case as she spoke, "William, I cannot say that I imagined you marrying her, but I have not imagined anything that has happened in the last few months. I hope you will accept these as a gift from me, in celebration of this happy occasion." Mother held out the flat wooden case to him, and Will opened it to reveal a pair of gold cuff links, engraved with a stylized WMM. Will immediately reached for his cuffs, only stopped by Mother's laugh. "Please, leave them for tonight. You like them, though?"

"Yes, Mrs. Dalian, they're quite something." He muttered as he tucked the case into the pocket of his jacket, which proved far too small and left the top third of the case sticking out.

"Then I'm glad, and I will expect to see them on you quite often." She chuckled, "Now, you two head on up. Reggie is waiting for you Mr. Murdoch, he wants to ensure that your uniform does not need to get any last minute alterations. And Anastasia, Louise has just arrived. She may still be preparing things in your rooms, but she told me she has it well in hand." The maid was waiting for us again, leading us through the warren of marble halls and velvet drapery. Will was left on a floor below me, giving him a room on the family floor hadn't been discussed, and probably would not be until I was Mrs. Murdoch.

Louise, her brown hair and bright green eyes flashing, was waiting for me as I walked in. Of all the candidates that Peggy had found, she was the one I liked the best. Calm, collected, and a genius with any form of finery that she touched, not to mention her skill in hair dressing and cosmetics. She had been spared the starched apron, but was in the black alpaca dress that was her most formal uniform. Against the navy and gold colors in my rooms, she was rather hard to see, but she did smile as I came in. "Miss Dalian, I apologize, I'm still unpacking what you sent over."

"It's alright Louise," I said, moving towards the drawn curtains. With the sunlight streaming in she was a bit easier to see as she worked on unpacking the small trunk that had been sent over. With the ballgown already here there really was little that had to be brought, nightclothes, underthings, clothing for tomorrow. I watched Louise pull them all out and organize them, and then let her direct me into the bathroom. A warm bath had already been drawn, and she had me stripped and into the water quickly.

"I'll leave you to soak Miss Dalian." She moved to the door, only stopping when I spoke.

"You can call me Miss Anastasia, Louise. It's quite alright."

"Forgive me Miss Dalian, but that is not something I will allow myself." Her shoulder square, she strode out and shut the door behind her. I shook my head, leaning back into the warm water and breathing in the little wisps of steam that were swiftly dissipating in the warm room. By the time Louise returned I had washed my hair and myself, and had time to soak off any thoughts of this morning. I would only focus on what was coming tonight, on being able to enter society on Will's arm and out of mourning. I was so involved in my daydreams of what would be happening in only a few hours I hardly noticed when Louise left me to my own devices for the afternoon. The rooms here were much more formal than the dock house, which meant they were slightly colder and it sent me scurrying, in my dressing gown, to the large canopied bed that dominated the bedroom.

The blankets were warm, the sheets crisp, and the pillows so fluffed that they threatened to swallow my head as I laid down on them. Clean, warm, and enveloped in softness I quickly fell into a doze. My dreams were nothing but calm though, mainly centering about Will deciding he wanted a private moment during the ball, pulling me to an empty room, and then burying his head underneath my skirts. I was glad to have woken before Louise returned, it gave me some time to collect myself. I could not risk doing something like that tonight, no matter how much the thought of it made me moan with desire. If anyone saw us leave, if they found us, if they even heard us, it would break Mother's heart and be the downfall of my reputation. So I turned my mind back to more innocent thoughts, dresses and food, dancing under the chandeliers.

"Up Miss Dalian, up. I'll need you dressed before being able to do most of what I need." Louise almost shook her finger at me as she got me up and moving, quickly getting me into the gown. It was a beautiful as it had been at the store, although it was quickly hidden by my dressing gown and a towel over the top as Louise set to work on my hair and cosmetics. It was rather refreshing to have her order me about, moving my head, lifting my eyes, and slowly, slowly, watch the final product emerge in the mirror. The tiara was the main focus on my hairstyle, the golden frame blending in with my hair so it almost seemed that the sapphires floated in the golden waves that surrounded it. Louise did something that set my eyes to gleaming richly when compared to the sparkle of the earrings. I disdained gloves for this, I wanted nothing between my hand and Will's tonight.

He was waiting on the landing as I walked down, the sounds of the party already drifting up from the ballroom. I paused before coming down the stairs, taking him in. His hair had a little pomade to it, shining slightly and slicked back a bit, but it was his uniform that made me make a most unladylike noise in my throat. The deep navy set his eyes off to perfection, the gleaming gold bullion on the chain like cuffs of his coat glittered brightly and the coat fell pleasingly to mid thigh, showing the majority of his trousers and the shining new oxfords he wore. I could see his high starched collar when he turned to look at me, a black silk tie knotted intricately around his throat. I had no doubt he was wearing his waistcoat underneath even if it was hidden from sight, and I could see his new cufflinks when his coat shifted enough to show his shirt cuffs. I saw his eyes darken as he took me in, the beaded chiffon rustling slightly as I descended the stairs. It took him a minute to find his voice. "Ana, my God. You are," He shook his head, holding out his arm. "I swear, you're the most beautiful thing I've seen."

I ignored his arm, instead gently gripping his lapels and giving him a brief kiss. I felt his hands immediately go to my waist, and he followed when I tried to pull away. It took me gently pushing against him to get him to break off. I smiled, "Will, you look extremely handsome."

"Let's not go down to the party," Will pulled me close to him, my train following. "I want to get you out of that dress, or at least do unspeakable things to you in it."

God, that was tempting. I suppressed the moan I wanted to give, instead laughing slightly. "And you think I don't want to haul you off to my bed in that uniform? We have obligations Will, Charles and Harold are down there. What would they think if we snuck off?"

"They'd think I was bedding my beautiful fiancée and congratulate me on it." He chuckled, but he did step back and hold his arm out. "I'm already beginning to hate these things and I haven't even got to the ballroom."

I took it, letting him lead us down the stairs. "Oh just wait, you'll hate them even more once we get there."

The ballroom had been transformed from it abandoned state, as had the various sitting rooms and drawing rooms alongside it. Bright light streamed through open doors, footmen in their formal uniforms circulated with trays of drinks and light airy confections, huge tubs of flowers scented the air and all throughout swirled ladies in shining silks and men in tight suits. Mr. Rigby met us at the end of the stairs, leading us to the ballroom like he was a master of ceremonies at an ancient court. The music coming from the chamber orchestra quieted as he entered the door, the crowd turning to him. His voice was firm as he spoke, stepping aside to present us. "Mr. William Murdoch and his fiancée, Miss Anastasia Dalian." I took a moment to look away from the politely applauding crowd to see what Will thought. He was rather pale, and his eyes flitted around, but he did lead me forward as the crowd split to allow us to take the lead on the dance floor.

Will's valet Reginald, or Reggie as he preferred, had already run us through a mock entrance back at the dock house. The dining room table had been shoved aside and maids and footmen had been drafted to come and pretend to be the crowd as Will had slowly spun me around. So it came as no surprise to me when Will leaned down, handing me the loop of my train to hold it up while we danced, then placed one hand on my waist and took the other in his. The orchestra struck up a song I actually recognized, the Merry Widow waltz. We had gone to see the operetta, thankfully in English, years ago when it had opened. The music did dig at my mind slightly, it was the success of the production that we had been invited to the Vanderbilts to celebrate that night. When Zachary-

"Ana, look at me." Will spoke softly, where only I could hear him over the orchestra. I cast my eyes up, feeling that thought fall from my thoughts. Why was I thinking about that? I was here, I was in Will's arms, dancing as everyone watched. He raised his eyebrows, even as he skillfully checked and reversed us. "Are you with me?"

"I never left." I squeezed his hand, then decided to squeeze his shoulder too. "What about you?"

"Oh I am quite present," He chuckled, listening as the music began to slowly fade away as the song began to end. "Enough to see that a woman has been eyeing me the entire time. Please tell me I won't have to dance with anyone but you."

"I'm afraid I can't," I muttered as we stopped with the music, "I'll have to dance with other men, but I will always be waiting for you after."

"You'd better be." Will dipped his head in a slight bow, even as I dropped down into a slight curtsey. After the opening dance it was free for anyone to come out and join in, and the orchestra had a large selection to play from. I recognized Mrs. Vanderbilt from the charity ball, brilliant in a brown and gold brocade, swiftly come up and claim Will for the mazurka the orchestra had begun. I myself was whirled off by an elder Astor, although he assured me that he could still dance well enough to not embarrass himself. I was kind enough to cover for him when he missed a few steps, and had to excuse myself after to fetch something to drink, even as Will was claimed for the next dance.

I sipped greedily at my punch, the rum in it burning slightly. I had forgotten how much dancing made me thirsty, it had been so long. I took the moment afforded to look around, trying to see if I knew anyone besides Mother, Will and the Fields. Some of the office staff had been invited, for I saw Mr. Keller and his wife talking to Abraham by a window. I recognized a few society girls, but it had been sometime since they had called. There were the usual heirs and dandies strutting about, occasionally pulling out a slim cigarette to smoke discreetly in a corner. I almost spilled my drink when a voice spoke up from behind me, "Anastasia, you both did well for the waltz."

Mother, in a well fitted and actually quite becoming black dress, had used a potted palm as cover to approach. I took a sip, "Thank you Mother, it really was quite something."

"And Mr. Murdoch appears to be quite popular," She murmured as Will strutted past with an heiress in his arms, her giggling almost drowning out the tango that was being played. "Especially with the ladies."

"It must be the uniform," I mused, catching his eye. I knew from the way he held my gaze that I would not get out of the next dance, or at least he would claim my time on the wide. "He really does cut a fine figure in it."

"Hmm," She demurred, looking around. "What were you doing before I came? You appeared rather deep in thought."

"Oh, I was just realizing that I have not kept up my acquaintances with the others of our set since a few years ago." I was unwilling to say that it had been dropped when Father's memory began to fade. "I hardly recognize anyone."

"Well, I have no doubt they will begin to come calling." Mother sniffed, watching as Will began to wind his way towards us. "There is nothing more desirable than being a bridesmaid after all."

"Mrs. Dalian, thank you again for all this." Will said quite loudly as he approached, bowing his head. "Ana, please. Save me."

"Save you, Will?" I laughed, reaching for a glass of punch and handing it to him. "Why? You appear to be quite the draw."

Will slurped loudly from his glass, not caring who heard. He did lean close to whisper to me though, "Miss Gentry back there refused to keep her hands to herself. If she comes at me again, I am dragging you out." He quickly fell to chatting with Mother about all the various aspects of the party he was enjoying, deliberately not noticing the ladies making eyes at him from across the floor. I did though, and quickly wound my hand around his arm to display my ring. I knew it was nothing more than them wanting to dance with the man who was the focus of the party, but it still raised a bit of jealousy in me. Will was mine, a few dances with other women were fine and dandy, but the way they stared at him made me want to sneer at them.

"Ana, what do you think?" He leaned down, his voice light.

I blinked, shaking my head slightly. "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."

"I was asking if you wanted something to eat." Will gestured towards a footman who had approached with a plate of sweets. I shook my head in reply, and the footman vanished off into the crowd. Two figures were making a beeline for us, both dressed similarly to Will. He gave a laugh, "Charles, Harold, please stay. You have got to keep me from dancing again. I'm beat."

"Of course, Mr. Murdoch." Lowe said, nodding as he stopped.

"Harold, you don't have to keep calling me that." Will chuckled, handing him a glass. "William is just fine if you feel like being formal."

"Yes, sir." Lowe had a rather hunched set to his shoulders as he turned, looking as a crowd of dancers swirled past. "It's rather hard to act informal here, there's just so much to take in."

I couldn't help but smile, "I could always dance with you, Harold, if it would help set you at ease."

Charles gave a loud laugh at that, even as Lowe flushed and tried to stammer out something. Charles gave him a slight shove though, "Just a quick polka Harold, I'm sure she'll keep you safe." Despite the color on his cheek, Harold's hand was steady as he held it out and led me onto the floor.

It was the most time I had spent alone with him since the lifeboat, and I tried to talk as we spun in the fast dance. "Have you been doing alright since, well, what happened?"

"Yes," He mumbled, trying to keep his steps up. "It's been easier."

"I saw something in the papers about a reception in your hometown."

"Oh, well, they seem to think I'm some hero." He gestured to a watch chain, glittering against his frock coat. "Gave me this, although to be quite honest Miss Dalian, things like this make me a bit uncomfortable. Not to mention a party like the one you throw."

"You can call me Anastasia, Harold." I said as we made a turn, "I insist. And you are a hero."

"If I am, then so are you Anastasia." His voice was firm for once as he caught my eye as the dance wound down.

"All I did was row."

"That's a lot more than plenty of others did that night." Lowe offered his arm at the end of the dance, leading me back towards Charles and Will, who had been surrounded by a small crowd of simpering girls. Lowe paused before we got to them. "Appears your fiancé is quite popular."

"Yes, it does." I almost growled, seeing one of the girls reach out and drag her fingers down Will's arm. To his credit he immediately stepped back, Charles darting forward to speak quickly and point towards an older woman across the way, dressed in a rather unfortunate shade of yellow. The girls immediately fell to that common joy at balls, badmouthing the poorly dressed, and moved off to get a closer look. I looked to him as we approached, "Thank you Charles, I think I might have done something rather ill-mannered if they were still around."

"They came up as soon as you left," He shrugged, stepping back as I moved to Will's side. He turned to Harold, "What do you think, Harold, how many of Anastasia' cigars should we smoke?"

"Well, save some for me and I'll join you later." Will chuckled, tucking my hand around his arm. I waved to the two other officers as they moved off into the crowd, ducking past prospective dance partners as they headed for a smoking room. Will started to lead me along, heading for a sitting room and giving a glare to any man who approached with a dance with me on his mind. "What was wrong with you back there?"

"Oh, I was just a bit jealous seeing all them around you." I tried to keep my voice quiet as we gained the sitting room, the slight buzz of conversation replacing the music. "Promise me you won't let them occupy you all night."

"You're the only one for me." He chuckled, drawing me over to a corner. "Although I must admit it made my temper flare a bit to see you dancing with that man. Not Harold, the older one before. He kept dropping his hands, I almost wanted to rip them off of you."

"Well, you're the only one in my thoughts." I reached up and kissed his cheek, darting back as a loud laugh sounded above the others talking. I spun around to see Morgan Fields, escorted by Ezekiel, still chuckling at me. "Morgan, that was rude!"

"Oh Anastasia," She was still laughing, "You look like a child with her hand caught in the cookie jar."

"Really Annie, can't you keep your hands off him for an hour?" Ezekiel loved nothing more than to tease and poke at me, and I narrowed my eyes at him. If he was going to play like this, then so was I.

"Actually, I was just telling him I was going to have to leave him here because I needed to dance with you." I gave him a winning smile, stepping forward and taking his arm before he could even react. I heard Will join in Morgan's laughter behind us as I drug Ezekiel to the dance floor, pulling him into the quick dance that was being played. Ezekiel was practically fuming when I looked at him. "Oh come now, you knew you'd have to dance at some point."

"Mother was quite insistent that I wouldn't have to." He said, glowering at me. "You know I can't manage this."

"Oh, you'll manage unless you want all these pretty girls to see you trip over your own feet." I couldn't help but laugh as he immediately dropped his gaze to his feet, muttering steps under his breath. It was so entertaining that I kept him out for another dance, although I felt what he did next was deliberate. As he turned me, his foot lifted and caught itself in my looped up train causing me to lurch that entire side of myself down to save the fabric from tearing before he extricated his foot. I was glaring at him after we finished, "You know this dress cost a lot!"

"And you know I hate dancing." He retorted as he began to weave us through the people.

I slipped my hand from his arm, setting off on my own path. "Zeke, I swear. You will be dancing by the wedding."

"You haven't even set a date yet, Annie." He practically called over the people around us, "I've got plenty of time!" I was still shaking my head and cursing myself for my stupid idea as I entered the sitting room.

It had cleared out, leaving just Will and Morgan sitting at a pair of chairs. If I had thought I had seen Will's face red before, it had been nothing to the flush on him at the moment. It extended clear across his face, down his neck, and I swear even his hands were red. I couldn't hear exactly what Morgan was saying, but her hands were moving enough that I could tell she was very interested in whatever it was. I could also see Will staring at me, practically begging on his knees for some assistance. I tried to keep a smile from my face as I approached, "Morgan, I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist on Ezekiel getting some dancing lessons before the wedding. He almost tore my train out there! I'm afraid I'll be needing Will for the next one."

"Oh that boy," She grumbled, rising from her chair and heading for the ballroom. "I told him to be on his best behavior. Thank you for the conversation William," She turned, smirking at Will. "I had a wonderful time hearing about everything you two got up to in Southampton."

"It was very nice talking to you Mrs. Fields." Will mumbled, reaching for my hand and getting to his feet. He quickly led me onto the dance floor, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. It was only after the first time we'd made a round that he spoke. "Ana, was she the married friend you told me about? The one who taught you about certain things?"

His sudden redness made sense now, and I felt my own cheeks flush. "Well, um, yes. She is, I think we're supposed to be turning now, Will." He mechanically turned us, although he almost hustled me away from the dance floor after it was done, heading not for a sitting room but a deserted hallway. I kept up with him, curious about he was planning.

He backed me up against a wall, his hands on my waist and his face near mine. I shivered as I felt his breath brush against my cheeks, his voice low and intense as he spoke. "She kept asking about how I was to you. If I was kind and understanding, or if I let you speak your mind."

"You are kind," I let my hand wander up the wool of his coat, fingering the brass buttons. "And you've never stopped me from saying what I want."

"Ana, she asked if I showed you a good time in Southampton." He visibly shivered as I let my fingers brush across his tie, drifting up to his throat. "I told her I took you shopping and out to dinner, all the things that ladies like to do." His Adam's apple jumped under my fingers as I continued upward. "Then she said that wasn't what she meant, she wanted to know if I showed you a good time in my house." His breath was coming a bit faster as I curled my fingers around his head. "And in my bed."

"You showed me a wonderful time, in both." I whispered, pulling him down into a kiss.

He pulled back briefly, "But for her to speak so openly! I was just glad she waited until everyone had left." I couldn't help the way my lips pursed in a smile, a silent laugh shaking my shoulders. I could see his brow furrow, "Oh, that's funny to you." His hands pushed me farther against the wall, almost standing on my toes as he came at me. "Ana, whenever we get a chance alone again, I am not going to be merciful."

"I don't want you to be." I almost growled, pulling his tie to bring him to me. I could hear the silk of my dress rustle under his hands, but all I cared about was his lips on mine, the way his tongue swept into my mouth in an instant. I twisted mine around, both of us tasting of punch and desire. God, if we could find a room, I'd let him devour me. Hell, i'd devour him. Will dropped his mouth to my jaw, sucking lightly on my skin. I held his head close, whimpering. "Didn't, didn't you say you wanted to see this dress on the floor?"

At that one of his knees thrust itself between my legs, and Will growled against me. "I want nothing more. Ana, please, there has to be someplace we can't be found." I could barely think, with his thigh between mine, pressing tightly to me. I ground myself against him, pulling his lips back up to mine as I began to whine slightly from the pressure on something that had been wanting it for so long. His bottom lip was too tempting, and I drew it between my teeth and began to suck on it. It slid out of my teeth as he pulled back, his voice low and harsh. "God Ana, I want your-"

"Anastasia, William, you're being missed." Mother's voice called out, and it was as if an electric shock had passed between us the way he jumped away from me. It was rather comical to see him tugging at his coat, even as I knew I was straightening my own dress. We were both in fairly good order when Mother came around the corner, "There you two are, I'm afraid one of Mr. Morgan's sons is asking for a dance with you Anastasia. Whatever were you doing here?"

"It was a bit hot in the ballroom," I spoke quickly, trying to cover up my terrible lie with speed. "Will was kind enough to take me for a tun to cool down."

"Well, come along. Mr. Morgan is not the most patient man you know, and William, Abraham wanted to speak with you about something for the launch of the ship next month. Come along, you two." Mother had a knowing smile on her face that made me think I must have left rouge smeared on Will's cheeks, and like shamefaced children, we trailed in her wake and back to our party.

Chapter Text

Mother had been insistent that we travel up to Newport with the rest of the guests, so even though we could barely move after we woke in the late afternoon, we had to get everything packed to leave the next day. The party had lasted late into the night, and as the hosts, Will and I had to stay awake to bid farewell to every guest as they left, so that it was already light by the time we had been able to head up. Our brief moment in the hallway that night was the last time we had been able to be around each other for a prolonged time that night. More men wanted to dance with me, then they wanted to have a smoke and a whiskey with Will and quiz him about his plans for the future. The other society girls had already begun their flattery campaigns, cornering me to enthuse about my dress, the flowers, the music, all in an effort to get that most coveted title, bridesmaid.

So it was exhausted and quiet that we showed up at the station to join Mother in our private car. Several other families had their cars attached to the train as well, which meant that we had to be ready to accept visitors at any point. Will and I were reduced to playing cards while we waited for anyone to come in. I blearily looked down at my hand, mumbling my next bet. Will grunted, "Call."

"Really, how did you ever learn poker my dear?" Mother said as she flipped the cards on the table over.

"How did you?" I grumbled, knowing I was going to have to fold the next round unless I got Will to give in first.

Mother clicked her fingers on the table, "It was very popular back in Omaha. Of course I would never gamble, but it was something to play. It's your call, my dear."

"Check." I dropped my cards back to the table, looking across at Will. His stubble was coming in, Reggie had been so busy packing all of Will's new clothes that he hadn't had a chance to shave him last night and the morning hadn't given much of a chance either. I remembered how it felt to have his stubble rub against my cheek, prickly and scratchy but in a pleasurable way. It seemed that way with us, where I was smooth he would be rough, where I was soft, he was hard. God, I missed feeling him like that.

"Raise." Will tossed a couple of chips in, in truth a couple of teaspoons from a silver service kept in the car, a small grin breaking out on his face when I tossed my cards after them. He flipped over his hand revealing that nothing he had matched the cards Mother had dealt, "Ana, we're going to have to keep playing if you're going to fold to a pair of twos. You obviously need more practice."

"Congratulations, you beat me." I groaned, leaning back in my chair. "Mother, can't I catch a nap on one of the benches? Things were so busy at the house that I barely slept."

"And what if we have visitors?" Mother pulled the cards back to herself, shuffling them. "I can hardly have you laying out on a bench."

"What if I were to sit with her and let her lean on me?" Will caught my eye, "That way she could rest but still be ready for callers."

"I suppose," Mother sighed, dropping the freshly shuffled deck of cards onto the table. "I did bring a book along, and we only have a few hours left before we arrive." Will nodded his thanks, and pulled me over to the bench, drawing my head down to his shoulder.

Once I was settled next to his ear, I whispered to him. "Do you remember the last time we were on this bench?"

"I'm not going to let you fall and take me with you again, Ana." He whispered back, "Not with your Mother right there. Now, get some sleep. I'll wake you if anyone comes in." I muttered my thanks, breathing in what I could catch of his cologne. He hadn't applied much today, and the little wisps I could catch were bright and clean. It, along with the slight rocking from the train, was enough to lull me to sleep. I was so tired that I didn't even dream, only waking when I felt Will brush his hand across my cheek. "Ana, the Vanderbilts are here. Please wake up before she tries to claim me again."

I blearily blinked my eyes clear, noting that Mr. and Mrs. Vanderbilt were currently engaged in a polite discussion with Mother while they waited for me to rouse myself. I yawned, "How far out are we?"

"An hour, they wanted to pay us a brief visit before we arrive." He stood, helping me up. His voice was still low when he spoke though, "You were snoring a little."

I felt a blush color my cheeks. "I'm sorry, sometimes when I'm exhausted-"

"It was adorable," He squeezed my hand, "Very quiet, and you would say things sometime." He must have seen my eyes go wide, "It was nothing to worry about, my name and your mother's, very reasonable."

"Ah, Sleeping Beauty awakes." Mr. Vanderbilt boomed as we approached the group, smiling widely.

I gave a small smile in return, "My apologies, after the ball and packing to make sure we didn't miss any of the season up here, I could barely rest!"

Mrs. Vanderbilt reached over to give my hand a soft pat, "Oh not to worry dear, our darling Liz is fast asleep in our car right now!" The conversation was exactly like every other conversation I'd had since I'd returned and had callers. Banal, shallow, but containing enough edged comments to make you overly conscious of what you said. Will seemed to have embarked on the route that silence was golden, only speaking to agree to some statement or other. Mrs. Vanderbilt did manage to get him to agree to let her daughter come calling on us, and that was obviously the main goal of this visit because they shortly after excused themselves back to their own car to prepare for our arrival in Newport.

Compared to the station in New York, the one in Newport was nothing to write home about, but the people getting off were. Ladies in the latest fashions swanned by on the arms of tycoons, servants wrestled luggage into rented trucks and wagons, and lurking around every corner was a reporter with a deadline for the society columns. In deference to the fact that we didn't spend the whole year in Newport, we had not purchased an auto for the cottage which meant a coach was waiting for us. Will handed Mother and I up before joining us, although Mother had taken the spot by me so Will had to sit across from me for once. He looked out the window as we set off towards the shore, "My God, these are cottages?"

"Yes, just a humble little cottage for these humble families." Mother laughed as we rolled past massive estate gates that led through grand parks before ending at even more massive mansions. Some even had guards outside the gates to keep off the reporters, or to keep whatever family hangers on away. We trotted past the most fashionable houses, past even the older ones that actually bore some resemblance to an overgrown cottage. Mother couldn't help but smile as we took a road alongside the beach, seeing people out enjoying the day. Girls in the latest swimming costumes reclined under umbrellas or held onto ropes in the surf and squealed as the waves lifted them, while men in their own costumes tempted them back in with sweets and drinks.

The beaches fell past though, as the carriage continued on past the now rocky shore. I moved to the window, looking out. "We're coming up on our cottage now. It's a bit out of the way, but it's also more tame than what you saw." Will couldn't see it though as it emerged from the distance, the white boards with their navy trim, the porch that wrapped around the whole ground floor. The house stretched up three stories, with smaller bunkhouses for the servants and the carriage house set some distance away. When we stopped though, and he handed me out, I watched him grin as he took in the surroundings. "Well, what do you think?"

"I think your father must have selected the site." He gestured out to the ocean, "Only a sailor would rather be an hour from town but have his own safe harbor to stay in regardless of the weather."

"Close, it was Grandfather." I chuckled, "But Father did expand the boathouse." The boathouse was the pride of the estate, with space for not only the yacht but rowboats and smaller sailboats to be laid up over the winter. Or in rough weather, but Will was right, this was the safest harbor that could be found near Newport, aside from the town itself. A curl of land stretched across the way from the house, forming a small cove and keeping the rough seas at bay. Rearing up at the end of the point was a lighthouse, painted a bright blue and white, promising safe waters to ships in need of them. Which meant that our yacht, newly varnished and painted, bobbed safely at her mooring on the private dock that marched away from the beach.

"Anastasia, you are not spending all summer in the boathouse again." Mother clucked as she stepped up the porch, "You will have obligations, not to mention we will have to make trips back to the city. The ship launching, your wedding dress, you cannot spend your days reading books or helping the boat handlers with everything."

"You haven't let me do any of that since I was twelve." I groused, taking Will's arm as we entered the foyer. If everything in New York was dark wood and bright gold, here it was the opposite. Varnished pine floors, nautical artworks in bright colors, this had truly been designed as a retreat from the city. Except the city had come to the retreat, which meant that even though I wanted to spend time with Will showing him all around the property and the yacht, I was reduced to ensuring that the servants had our clothing settled, while Mother dealt with speaking to the cook about what needed to be purchased for our stay. I was completely exhausted by the time I managed to sit on my bed, the quilt wrinkling under me. I looked up as the door opened, "Will! Please, come in."

"Ana," He stepped through, quickly sitting next to me. "I hope it won't upset you, but they've put me in your father's room."

I felt a slight twinge in my heart, "It's alright, there's not too much space here. And you will eventually be family." I felt his arm slip around my waist, and I let myself lean on him again. But this time we were alone, so there was no one to notice as I rubbed my cheek against his. "God Will, this feels so good."

"I'll mark you all up," He tried to pull away but I followed. "Ana, your mother will see."

"I've told her we've not gone beyond kisses." I wrapped my hand around the back of his head to hold him still as I pressed my lips to his prickly cheeks. "She seemed fine with it. Have you ever grown this out?"

"I had a mustache, once." He turned his head, catching my lips. "Ada hated it."

"Maybe you need some calvary whiskers," I traced my finger down from one of his sideburns, over his lips and to the other one. "Although, I've never kissed a man with a set of whiskers. It must be very itchy."

"Ada didn't like it, she said it was like kissing a broom." He muttered as he brought a hand up to cup my cheek, returning to kissing me. I sighed into it, smiling as I felt his tongue poke into my mouth. I hummed my approval, teasing it with mine before deciding to take advantage of his distraction by grabbing the lapels of his jacket and pulling him further above me. I felt him start, but then the kiss was so much deeper and I felt his hand move for my hair, tangling in the airy style as he-

"Mr. Murdoch, stop that at once." Mother's voice cut through the air like a whip, "And you Anastasia, you promised to keep things respectable."

Will's lapels slipped from my hands as he pulled away, and I groaned to lose his lips. "Mother, it was just a kiss. Nothing beyond that, I promise."

"And that was why he was leaning over you, on your bed." Mother raised her brows, unbelieving. "He was practically laying on you!"

"I pulled him over me." I stood, facing her. "Will did nothing wrong. I was the one who kissed him."

"Is that true, Mr. Murdoch?"

I heard the bed creak as Will shifted on it, "Ana did kiss me, I swear to you Mrs. Dalian, we have sworn to go no farther than that until the wedding."

"Promises are all well and good until you've got the woman you love under you on a bed," Mother's voice wasn't cruel, but it wasn't kind either. "A promise cannot stand up to lust. Even decorum can fail against that, as you should well know Anastasia." I dropped my head, shame coursing through me. I had no doubt any time I had with Will would now be limited even further, all in the name of protecting me. Even though I wanted nothing but him, alone with me, with no one coming in to monitor us.

"Mrs. Dalian," Will stood, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Ruth, I swore to your daughter the night of the sinking to find her again. And I swear to you now, Ana's virtue is not in any danger from me. I am not some green boy who knows nothing about women, nor am I some rake to seduce your daughter and leave her. But please, you have to allow us some time alone together. I doubt we've even had an hour without someone around us since we got back."

"Ana's virtue has already been attacked twice and barely saved," Mother stepped up to Will, striding past me and staring at him. "I know you are not one of those men, but you should be able to understand why I wish to protect her. If someone were to see you like that, and to learn of what happened before, she would be nothing in their eyes. I am trying to guard her reputation."

"I do understand your reasoning Ruth," Will met her gaze, "And I wish to protect her too. I have already sent a letter to Henry Reichster, informing him that if he comes anywhere near Anastasia again I will kill him. Even if he sends her a gift again, I will not let it get close to her. No one will hurt Ana again, not as long as I am here. And I would sooner die than raise a hand to her myself."

"Sends a gift again?" Mother turned to me, her voice hard. "Anastasia, tell me." I mumbled out the story about the necklace, the letter, what had been said during the attack. I started shaking again, not as bad as before but enough that Will drew me into his arms, ignoring Mother for a moment as he spoke quietly to me, brushing his fingers through my hair as he reassured me that he would not allow anything to happen. She watched as Will held me to him, as I pressed my face to his chest and tried to compose myself before I soaked his waistcoat. Her voice was much gentler when she spoke, and I felt her hand on my shoulder. "I believe I have misjudged you, Mr. Murdoch. But I still must insist on separate bedrooms."

Will pulled himself from the soothing noises he had been making as he stroked my back. "Of course, Mrs. Dalian, but does that mean that Ana and I may spend at least some time alone?"

"Nothing beyond kisses, and not on any bed." She sniffed, and reached over to brush her fingers agains my cheek. "My dear girl, perhaps it would be good for you to take Mr. Murdoch on a tour of the property at the moment? If you can be back by dinner, that is. Half an hour, no more."

I tried to give her a smile, "Yes Mother, we can." This time I was the one led Will, back down through the house and out onto the grounds. Instead of taking his arm though, he placed it around my waist as the sand underfoot crunched. I looked across to him, the ever present sea breeze ruffling his hair. "Will, what you did back there. Thank you. I've missed this."

"As have I," He grinned, "At least your mother trusts I won't immediately ravish you the second we're out of sight." He was leading us along the beach, following the curve of the cove. He pointed to the lighthouse, "Was that your grandfather too?"

"Oh yes, and any ship is welcome to anchor here when the weather is foul." I stared up at the lighthouse, the ever present light off for the day. "Don't you recognize our colors? Grandfather said he felt it was the least he could do after he bought the land."

"It must be a welcome sight then." We had almost reached the lighthouse, and Will was leading us up to the door. "I don't suppose you have a keeper?"

"Oh yes, but he only comes out at night to light the lamp. He's also the gardener." I laughed as he opened the door, ushering me inside. The climb up the circling steps seemed shorter than it had been when I was a child, and Father had brought me up to show me the massive lamp. I watched Will walk to the wall of windows, sitting on the massive windowsill that circled around the room. I joined him, pulling my dress under me so that it didn't tear. I sighed, leaning into his chest as he pulled me to him. "I used to come up here all the time and just look out for hours."

"I can very easily see you up here, with the windows open and a book in your hands." He rumbled underneath me as he spoke, "Look, there's a ferry headed out. Must be headed back to the city."

"And there's a yacht, maybe it's Mr. Perry actually doing something." I chuckled, watching the small sailboat skillfully crest a wave. "Or not."

"I can't wait to get onto your yacht." Will pressed his lips to my ear, "And to get you trained as a sailor."

"Oh, should I start calling you Master Murdoch then, if I'm to be your apprentice?"

"Hmm, Captain Murdoch sounds better to my ear."

I laughed, sitting up so I could look him in the eye. "Patience, my love. You still have a little bit to go before you're a captain."

"And you, my darling," He rushed forward, holding me in place as he pressed his forehead to mine. "I think you'll make a fine cabin girl." My skin tingled as his stubble brushed up against my cheek, and I shifted myself so that I straddled him as he kissed me, gently at first but I could feel his hands tighten on my waist as he pulled back for a moment. "God, I've missed holding you."

"I've missed feeling you." I moved both of my hands to cradle the back of his head, pulling him back into a kiss. I was swiftly gasping though as he dropped his lips from mine, kissing along my jaw even as his hands dropped down to grab at my backside and press me tightly to him. I rocked against him, feeling him begin to harden in his trousers. Even through the clothes he brushed against me in the most pleasing way, and he muttered curses into my neck. I had thrown my head back, "I've missed this."

"Fuck, Ana." He held me still for a moment, grinding his hips into mine. "I've wanted nothing but this since we got off the ship."

"Just like that Will," I gasped, following his movements as I ground my hips to his, feeling the heat in me build. I heard Will groan underneath me, and I opened my eyes to see him almost slack jawed as he thrust himself against me. But I also saw our shadows, stretching far longer than they had before. I placed my hands on Will's shoulders, gently pushing. "Will, it's late."

"I'm so close Ana," He muttered, "Just a minute."

"Will, we have to get back." I couldn't hide the disappointment in my voice, that I wouldn't be reaching my peak with him right now. I felt his hips still underneath me, "I can finish you if you want."

Will's eyes were glazed as he looked up, "Ana, you don't have to." But I had already gotten off him and set myself to freeing him from his trousers. His eyes were dark as I knelt, and I braced myself for the taste of him as I pressed kisses along his length, then took his head in my mouth, sucking. He was thrusting again almost immediately, "Ana, fuck Ana. You don't, don't have to." I looked up at him, pausing for a moment. He groaned, dropping his head back. "Don't stop, don't stop for the love of God, woman." I set myself to my task, reaching inside his trousers to handle his sack gently as he panted. I could feel him tensing under me, and suddenly he had his hands on my shoulders and was pushing me away as he spent himself on the floor, his jaw tight as he moaned deep in his throat.

I touched my lips, they weren't swollen. Mother wouldn't be able to tell what we'd been up to. Will grunted as he sat back down, tucking himself away. I gestured to his seed on the floor, "What should we do about that?"

"Here," He reached inside his waistcoat, pulling out a new handkerchief. It was only a moment before it was wiped up, and he replaced it in his pocket. "Reggie won't notice, I'll rinse it out before I give it to him for laundering." He reached out, caressing my face as I knelt before him. "God Ana, you're quite the temptress. Are you sure you don't want me to finish you?"

"It will take too long, and we have to get back for dinner." I smiled as I leaned into his touch, "Mother is probably already suspicious, we'll need to be careful about what we say. Next time though?"

"Of course, and your Mother doesn't need to know any of this. All we did was watch for ships from the lighthouse." Will helped me to my feet as he stood, taking my hand again as we started to climb back down. "Nothing more than that." The sun was well on its way to setting by the time we gained the porch, Mother sat in front of a table of hearty food. Will handed me into a wicker chair, smiling at her. "See Mrs. Dalian, back in time for dinner."

"Well you're at least punctual," Mother shook her head as she buttered a biscuit. "I'm afraid we will only have a few days to recover before we must begin making calls to everyone. You were right Anastasia, we have let our connections lapse for far too long. Your wedding is as good a reason as any to renew them."

"Of course, Mother." I pulled my bowl of crab bisque closer to me, inhaling the rich scent. "Who did you have in mind?"

"We've already received an invitation to the Astors party next weekend, and the Vanderbilts will be expecting a visit within the week. The yacht clubs will also be a good chance to speak to many of the families, as will the sporting matches."

Will took a swallow from his glass before speaking, "Will there be races for the yacht clubs?"

"What else do they do?" Mother shrugged her shoulders, "Do you intend to enter?"

"Perhaps, depending on how my cabin girl comes along in her training." Will gave me a rather indulgent smile, quickly cutting off Mother before she could speak. "I promised Ana, and my parents, to teach her to sail it. I've been looking forward to it quite a bit, and if she proves herself, we may be able to outshine them all."

"Then she shall have quite the busy summer," Mother said after a moment, "Is that something you can handle?"

"Oh yes, Mother." I sat a little straighter in my chair, "I can handle all of it. I promise."

Chapter Text

Mother apparently trusted us well enough to let us handle some of the calls on our own, which is why Will and I were currently ensconced in the carriage as it rocked towards the main towns of Newport. Will looked out the window, taking in the sunny beach that was currently being ignored in favor of tea with the Vanderbilts. They were one of the families with not only a massive house, but a massive set of grounds that we were currently turning away from the beach for. Will watched as the massive iron gate was swiftly opened by two uniformed guards, the carriage grinding through a gravel drive as we moved into the shaded tunnel of trees that led to their house. I felt his hand grip mine tightly, "Ana, what is this place? It feels like we're going to a palace."

"This is Newport, and we essentially are." I squeezed his hand back, "You don't have to watch out the whole time, you know."

"What else could I do? It's all so much."

"You could kiss me, Will. We've got at least ten minutes before we reach the house." I giggled as he immediately turned, whipping his head around so quickly I thought he must have hurt himself. He quickly proved he hadn't though, pressing his lips to mine roughly and wrapping his hands around my shoulders. God, there was nothing like when he would groan into my mouth, when I could feel his tongue stroke over mine. I almost melted against him, wishing that we had time for more than just a kiss. I had tried to touch myself after the day where I had pleasured him, but my monthly had arrived and my plans were ruined.

Instead I had spent that night in a hot bath, cursing Eve for giving me this monthly pain. To say that Will was concerned when I had sent down word the next morning that I was not feeling well was an understatement. He actually came into my room himself, despite Peggy's, and Mother's, insistence that it was improper for him to enter the room of an ill lady. They decided they could at least stand in the door to ensure he was respectable. I had almost wept when he had knelt by my bed, placing his hand on my forehead to see if I had a fever. I had sniffed, "Will, it's nothing."

"Ana, you're flushed. Let me get you something, or call a doctor. It must have been something you ate last night." He shifted himself to sit on the bed, and I heard Mother gasp at his breach of propriety. "Ana, please, let me get the doctor from Newport. I'm sure there's an auto he can take, he can be here soon. I can't have you sick."

I could see Peggy covering her mouth, and Mother had a rather large grin on her face. "Will, really. I'll be fine."

"Ana, if there's a chance that you might be sick, I am getting a doctor." He took my hands, leaning down. His eyes were rather wild, and I could hear a break in his voice. "If you're sick, I am getting a doctor. I'm not losing you like I did Ada."

I felt my own voice break, "Oh, oh W-Will." I sobbed, dropping my face down to his hands. I couldn't stop myself from kissing them as I did, even as I felt the tears come. He was so kind, and he obviously cared so much. It was just so sweet of him, and I didn't deserve to have him here, his arms around me as he gently rocked me back and forth.

I could hear the confusion in his voice, "Ana, Ana why are you crying? Let me call for the doctor, everything will be alright."

"Mr. Murdoch," Mother sounded closer now, and I felt her hand on my back alongside Will's. "This is simply women's trouble. She will be alright in a few days, the first ones are the worst for her."

His hands stilled, "Ah, oh. Is, is there anything I can do?" He gave my shoulder's a squeeze, pressing a kiss to my head that was still bent over his hands. "Would you like some tea, Ana? Or perhaps I could read to you?" I started crying even harder at that, just the thought of him willing to be around me when I was like this was just overwhelming. I felt his arms slide around me, "Ana, there's no need to cry, love."

"You're j-just so nice." I blubbered, sitting up so I could throw my arms around him and press my face to where his neck met his shoulder. "And I've been s-so horrible. I know you hated the party."

"I loved the party, Ana." He almost chuckled, "I wish I had been able to spend more of it with you, though." I whined into his shoulder, I should have stopped all the other girls from taking him away from me. I shouldn't have danced with all those other men. I felt his shoulder shift under me, "Ah, Mrs. Dalian, should I go get some tea?"

"I think that would be for the best, Mr. Murdoch." Mother replied, taking his place on the bed as he stood. I let her wrap me up, hearing her shush me and press me to her breast. "Sweetheart, you need to breathe." I gasped in a breath, and she nodded. "Just like that. Keep breathing, and no more crying. I can have Peggy stay up here, if having Mr. Murdoch will help."

"I know he hated the party, no matter what he says. And he probably hates me like this." I couldn't stop crying at that point, "Father hated me when I was like this too, I know he did."

"Your father had no sisters and barely knew what a monthly was when he married me." Mother shook her head, "He didn't hate you when you had your monthly, he just didn't know what to do so he avoided doing anything." I heard her sigh, "Peggy, you had best tell Mr. Murdoch to bring some chocolate up with the tea." With a rustle of skirts Peggy had left, and Mother had kept me company until Will had returned with a tea service and a bar of chocolate.

He had set the chocolate and a cup of tea on the nightstand, gone out briefly, and returned with a chair and a book in his hands. "I thought you might like some Verne? I managed to find Journey to the Center of the Earth."

That set off a fresh round of crying, and Mother passed the bar of chocolate over to me. It at least kept me from sobbing loudly as I nibbled on it, and I heard her speak to Will. "This is very kind of you, Mr. Murdoch. She should be better within a day or two, Peggy will stay here with you until you decide to leave."

"I'll stay until she's asleep." Will had smiled, and I bit harder into the chocolate bar to keep from gasping out another sob. He was so handsome, and I was disgusting like this, dirty and flushed from crying, and I knew my hair was a mess. I couldn't even wear one of my nice nightgowns in case the cloth I was wearing slipped. I could tell he was holding himself back from making his snide comments as he read, and I tried to lose myself in his voice. I swear, I had fallen asleep holding his hand. He even came back up when Peggy brought up a large bowl of chicken soup for dinner, reading to me again. The next day was better, although the pain was worse so I spent most of it huddled around a hot water bottle.

Will had set off another round of crying when he brought the book again and refilled the bottle, although it was much lighter. He brushed my hair aside, "Ana, darling, you know I loved the party. I've never hated anything you've done for me."

"Will," I grunted, looking up at him. "I don't care about that right now, it just hurts so much."

"Do you want me to read?"

I turned over, showing him my back. "Could you just rub my back for me?"

"Miss Anastasia!" Peggy snapped from her post in the corner, "I can do that. It's not for him to do, Mr. Murdoch, please read while I handle it." Will seemed to find it very funny how Peggy would gripe at me as she rubbed my back, reminding me that I had been dealing with this for years and it was just as bad every month, so she could not understand how I let it affect me so every time. I did not curb my tongue as I complained about everything; the pain, the utter boredom of being confined to bed because of it, Peggy's lecture. I did see Will smiling as he read, and he left with after lunch with a kiss. By dinner time I was at least able to get out of bed and throw on a tea gown to join everyone downstairs, even if I couldn't stay up for a nightcap.

The next three days had been more tolerable, and I was thankful my monthly had ended the morning that Will and I were going to the Vanderbilts. It meant that I could wear a nice dress, that was currently wrinkling slightly under Will's hands as he wrapped his hands around my waist. I gently pushed on his shoulders, "Will, my dress. And we're getting close to the house."

He groaned, but released me and returned to his seat. "God Ana, do we have to pay all these calls? Your mother was out practically every day while you were," He flushed a bit. "Indisposed. Isn't the enough?"

"Will, we do have to." I took his hand and gently rubbed my fingers over the back of it. "You'll like the Vanderbilts, trust me. I was very close with their daughter before," I closed my eyes briefly, "Before Mother and I had more urgent things to occupy us." Any chance to continue the conversation was cut off as the coach rolled to a stop and the footman opened the door for Will, who handed me out onto the marble stairway that led to the foyer. Mrs. Vanderbilt and her family were waiting for us in a reception room, reached only after a maid had led us through immense hallways hung with priceless art and gilding enough to blind one. I gave them a smile as I nodded to them, "Mr. Vanderbilt, Mrs. Vanderbilt, Liz, thank you for inviting us. It's been far too long."

"Indeed it has, Anastasia!" A voice rang out from the hallway, and in stepped a very handsome young man with curled brown hair and a pair of deep brown eyes. He clicked his heels together and gave a very deep bow, a wry grin on his face as he rose. "If you're forgetting me, that is."

I felt a blush rise to my cheeks, "Oscar, I had thought you were still in Europe."

"I finished my term at Cambridge, and I wanted nothing more than to come back home." He stepped up, lifting my hand and kissing it briefly. "Except to see you again, after four years away. I am awfully sorry about your father, and that I missed your party." He turned to Will, who was staring at him with what I hoped was interest and not hostility. "You must be Mr. Murdoch, right?"

"Yes," Will held out his hand stiffly, "I am."

Oscar shook it heartily, "Well, congratulations then. If I wasn't going to be the one to get her, well, I'm glad that you did." Oscar quickly turned to his parents, speaking briefly to them before spinning back to us. "Father has agreed, since you're a sailor Mr. Murdoch we would love your opinion on our yacht. We're hoping to make a good showing at the races this year, although we were embarrassed at Cowes. Our thought was you would enjoy that while the ladies take their tea, and if you need more temptation Father does have a fine collection of cigars onboard."

Will glanced aside to me, only relaxing when I nodded. "That does sound pleasant, Mr. Vanderbilt."

"Oscar, please Mr. Murdoch." I watched Oscar's mouth quirk up, "And I should like to call you William, if you will allow it." Will nodded, and gave my hand a final squeeze before following the other men outside. Left with the feminine half of the family, I was quickly ushered off into a reception room clearly designed for the ladies and their visitors. Pale pinks and green dominated, complimenting the china service that had been set out and was overflowing with light sandwiches and sweets.

Mrs. Vanderbilt poured, a delicate silver spoon stirring the tea she handed to me. "I hope your William will forgive Oscar, you know how much of a flirt he is."

"I'm sure he will." I smiled, ducking my head. God, it had been so long since I had seen Oscar. He'd been the first to dance with me at my debut, and had sent flowers every day for a month after. Mother had been quite pleased when he had started calling during our receiving hours, and even more pleased when he had begun to invite me on carriage rides after a few years of friendship. While I had never kissed Oscar, I had thought about it. A lot. But then he had told me about his education, that he would be attending Cambridge and would be gone. He had asked me to wait for him, and I had only nodded at that, not trusting myself to speak. He had sent letters for the first year, asking after my health and begging for any gossip because he was terribly bored at school.

God, Will might have been on the ship carrying those letters.

I sipped my tea, caught up in my thoughts. "I hope Oscar wasn't too upset when I stopped writing, everything was just so busy I could hardly find the time." Truth be told I'd stopped writing after the incident at the elder Mr. Vanderbilt's party, I was too frightened of anything to even continue writing to a man. And then Father, keeping up my correspondence had been the least of my worries.

Liz tucked a chestnut curl behind her ear, her blue eyes bright. "He was devastated, as was I." She screwed her mouth up, "You cut us off, Anastasia."

"You are right," I ducked my head, feeling like I'd been punched. "And I am so sorry for it. You were always such a good friend, and Oscar was, well, Oscar was too. I hope you can forgive me."

Her soft hand wrapped around mine, gently squeezing. "You invited us to your engagement party, that counted for something. But why did you avoid us for so long? That's all I want to know."

I returned her squeeze, "And that's the one thing I can't tell you." I caught her eye, giving her a small smile. "But trust me, it was nothing that you or your family did. You have always been good to me."

"No more secrets." Mrs. Vanderbilt intoned from her seat, smiling proudly at us. "At least between us girls. The boys on the other hand," She giggled. "Now, onto the latest news. Did you hear about Zachary and his mother at the regatta in Kiel?" Mrs. Vanderbilt raised her eyebrows over her teacup, "They spoke to the Kaiser himself!"

"Mama, do we have to discuss them?" Liz rolled her eyes at her mother.

"Oh, but apparently Zachary danced the night away with a duchess! There's talk that he might be moving permanently to Berlin, that he might take up a post in the German government."

I caught Liz's eye, giving her a grin. "I hope he gets the position, it sounds as if Berlin would suit him quite well."

"And keep him away from New York." Liz chuckled, "I find that thought very appealing, Anastasia."

"It is, isn't it?"

Mrs. Vanderbilt fluttered her hands, clearly upset by the thought of losing the scion of a successful family as a guest at her parties. "Oh, but surely he'll come back. Won't he?" Liz and I had been annoyed by Zachary for years, but she didn't know the depth that he'd sunk to. She didn't need to, it was enough to have someone to bad mouth him to without having to relive what happened.

"Maybe the Kaiser was offering him a captaincy in his navy." Liz drawled, sipping her tea.

I could hardly hide my grin at the thought, "That would keep him from New York for quite a long time." Zachary hardly knew the bow from the stern, the thought of him being screamed at in German by an admiral was quite a funny visual. I made a note to tell Will about it later, he'd enjoy it.

"My word, you two, such hostility!" Mrs. Vanderbilt clucked her tongue, "Perhaps we should turn to happier matters. Have you picked a date for your wedding, dear?"

Unwilling to tell Mrs. Vanderbilt that the thought of never seeing Zachary again was an extremely happy matter to me, I sighed. "We are thinking summer, early June possibly. I'm afraid we haven't settled on the exact day."

"What about the first?" Liz said, rising to go look at a desk on the side of the room. She flipped through a calendar, pointing to it. "It is a Sunday, and wouldn't it be wonderful to have it on a just before everyone comes up to Newport? You could come meet us all as Mrs. Murdoch!" Liz actually clapped her hands, "And you would be the first wedding of the summer."

"That does sound nice." I mused, "I'll ask Will. And Mother, she is already pushing me to head back to New York to get started on the dress within the next month."

"Well, she must have something in mind." Mrs. Vanderbilt gave a wicked little smile, "You should indulge her then." I knew that flash in her eye, Mother must have told her about whatever plans she had. And here I was, completely in the dark. I was about ready to interrogate her when she suddenly rose, "Richard! What have I told you about bringing those dreadful things in here?"

Her husband gave a last puff on the stub of his cigar, "No need to worry dearest, it's all out."

"It wasn't when you walked in," She fumed, but seemed mollified when her husband pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Oh, you just do it to anger me. I know it."

Oscar swanned in behind his father, greeting all of us ladies with a kiss on the cheek. I was the only one whose hand he grasped though, and he gave it a squeeze as he bent and kissed my other cheek. "Your Mr. Murdoch seems to think we'll set the pace at the races this year."

"Oh, that's, that's wonderful." I muttered, trying to avoid looking at his eyes. I cast about the room for something, something to distract me from the fact that Oscar had taken up a place next to me. My other side was quickly occupied by Will, who quickly took my hand in a not so gentle grip. I looked at him, his eyes rather dark at the moment. "Do you really think they have a shot, Will?"

"The Gentilia has good lines, with enough canvas she'll leave the others far behind." Will said as he pulled my hand to him, "You should be quite proud of her, Mr. Vanderbilt."

"I paid enough for her!" Mr. Vanderbilt laughed loudly from the chaise where he was sat with his wife, "Although I'm afraid I'll be entrusting her to Oscar this year, it's about time he made his showing."

"I'll be glad to handle her for you Father," Oscar grinned, turning to me. "I'll be even gladder if you'll join us onboard during the races."

"We have our own yacht." Will fairly growled at him, and I gave his hand a squeeze. Jealousy was not something I wanted to see in him, it was almost bordering on rudeness the way he was glaring at Oscar. What had gotten into him? Surely Oscar hadn't engendered such a rage in Will after only spending an hour or two looking at a ship.

"Oh yes, the Dependable is a fine yacht, but she won't be in the races for the biggest ships. Not like ours." Oscar waved away his comment, "Please Anastasia, tell me that you'll join us. It's been so long, you remember the year that we watched Mr. Astor swear after we overtook him?"

"I will think on it Oscar," I demurred, looking away. "But we might be able to."

"I shall pray for it." Oscar lifted my other hand, pressing his lips to it. "Every night."

Just by the pressure of Will's hand on mine I could tell that lingering would not bring anything good, so I quickly rose and thanked our hosts. Liz begged to be allowed to come calling, and Oscar begged me for a dance at the Astor's party. I agreed to both, even though I Will almost crushed my hand in his when I did. I waited until we were back in the carriage before I turned to him, "What is your problem with Oscar?"

He flushed, his voice harsh. "He touches you too much, and he wants to take liberties. I can see it in him."

"Will, I've known him forever. He's just a harmless flirt."

"You went on carriage rides with him." Will hadn't raised his voice, instead it had lowered to the point where I had to lean towards him to hear what he said. "He sent you flowers for a month, you wrote him! He said you wrote him practically every week when he was away. It's obvious he still wants you"

"Will, Oscar went on carriage rides with every eligible girl." I took his hands in mine, trying to get them to relax from their rigid grip on his knees. "For God's sake, his sister chaperoned us!"

"And the flowers?"

"It was after my debut, he just-" I sighed, feeling my shoulders drop. "Yes, he courted me. And yes, he might still have feelings." I let my hands wander up to his face, caressing his cheeks. "But I don't, I stopped writing him after Zachary attacked me. And then Father, it just fell away. I don't have any feelings for him beyond friendship now." His eyes still wouldn't meet mine, so I leaned forward and did what I could. I pressed my lips to his, winding my hands around him. It was a moment before I felt him respond, and he tried to keep my bottom lip when I pulled back. "Will, you have nothing to worry about. I promise."

His hands quickly fell to my waist, and he was pressing his lips to my neck as he spoke. "I still don't like it."

"Oh God, Will." I moaned, feeling him suck at the underside of my jaw. "Do you think I let him do this? You're the only one Will, the only one."

He brought his lips up to my ear, ghosting over it. "Ana, he got to send you flowers, take you for carriage rides, Christ he's still demanding you give him dances at the next party."

I was almost panting as I felt his hands rise to my breasts, kneading what he could reach through my corset. "Is that what you're angry about? Will, you can send me flowers. I'll always have dances set aside for you, and I've never had a carriage ride like this." Will hummed a bit, and I took that for a good sign. I'd never get him to like Oscar, that much was obvious, but if he could at least be cordial. And if this was the result of him being a little jealous, well, it wasn't all bad. I chuckled as he dropped his lips back to my neck, "Besides Will, I'm wearing your ring. I've been in your bed."

He nipped at me, making me start. But his arms were strong and held me in place as he continued nipping at my neck, his voice low. "But you're not there now."

"And you know I want to be." I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, letting him bear me down to the carriage bench. "Or to have you in mine."

"I guess I can deal with him," Will muttered, rising to look down at me. "But does he have to touch you so much?"

"He's just a flirt, Will." I tried to pull him back down to me, but he stayed firm. "Please, I promise if he gets to be too much I will stop him."

"Their ship is rather nice," He mused, "I should like to see her under full sail. But you'll stay with me while we're on her, right?"

"I doubt you'd let me wander off."

Chapter Text

The day of the Astor's party found me indulging myself in one of my favorite passions, letting Will hold me up against a wall while I chased my pleasure against his leg. He had asked to see the boat house, and I had been more than willing to show him around. Mother still placed time limits on us being alone, we were expected to return within half an hour to begin our preparations for the ball. Will had only looked at the rowboats racked up along the walls for a moment, before he had attacked my neck and jaw with a relentless series of kisses. The slight lapping of the waves against the boards covered the worst of my panting, until I could hold it in no longer. "God Will, your hand. I want your hand."

He pulled away from my neck for a moment, casting about. "That hammock, go." I slid down the wall onto my feet, feeling him right behind me as I stumbled to the hammock. He quickly tumbled me into it, following and resuming the kiss that had left me breathless a moment ago. It didn't take a second before his hand was under my skirt, teasing and enticing me. He glanced at me from my side where he was laying, "Why is there a hammock in here?"

"Some of the hands like to nap." I gasped, feeling him press a finger into me. "Oh Christ Will, yes." I tried to muffle my moans by pressing my mouth to his, whining and bucking my hips against his hand as he brought me closer and closer. A second finger joined the first, and I moved even faster, feeling hotter by the moment. I felt Will grin into the kiss, and his fingers suddenly curled in such a way that I was lost. I keened my release into his mouth, feeling the shudders of pleasure rush through me, leaving me breathless and spent against him. When I could speak again, I turned to him. "Do you want me to touch you?"

"No, no. I owed you for the lighthouse." Will nuzzled against my neck, throwing an arm around me. "Although I would much rather stay here than go to the party tonight."

I pressed myself against him, "So would I, but the party will be fun. The Vanderbilts will be there."

"Don't think I've forgot you promising to dance with Oscar."

"You can claim me for the next two after, if it upset you that much." I chuckled, pressing a kiss to his cheek. His brow as still furrowed though, and the arm around me tightened. "Will, please. I'm trying to get my friends back. I promise, Oscar will not tempt me from you."

"He's a handsome heir to a fortune, with a Cambridge education and a well known family." Will grumbled, "While I'm a widower with hardly more than a few thousand pounds to my name, who only finished secondary school and is widely known for a tragedy that occurred under his watch."

I rolled my eyes, feeling the hammock rock as I set myself up on his chest, where I could look into his eye. "Will, you have skills that Oscar could not dream of." I let my fingers wander over his shirt, up to his neck. "You'll make him look like a fool when we bring the yachts out, Oscar couldn't calculate his position just from the sun, and you are far more handsome." I let him capture my lips in a kiss at that, settling against him when he pulled away. "I wouldn't trade what we've just done for a week with Oscar, you know that."

"I know," He mumbled, his hand brushing through my hair. "But does he have to flirt with you so much?"

"He's just like that." I sighed, "He has been since he was little. Mrs. Vanderbilt told us all the time about how he first brought a bundle of flowers to Lina Fish and told her he was in love with her, when he was five."

"And the young Ms. Fish?"

"Happily married, with two lovely girls and another on the way." I leaned into his touch, "And not to Oscar." There was little time for us to spend in the hammock though, as shortly after the boathouse door creaked open and we immediately had to get out of the hammock. When the maid found us, Will simply had his arm around my waist as he examined a map of Newport's coastline that had been spread over a table. I looked over to her, "Yes?"

"Your mother says you're to come back now. Louise and Reggie are to get you ready for the party." She glanced at where Will's hand lingered on me, "I'm to take you both back." Will gave a great sigh at that, as if it was a massive hardship to stop examining the depth of the Rhode Island coastline, but we both set off after the maid. The only thing we did was pause to shake off the sand from our shoes before we entered the house. Louise and Reggie were actually waiting for us at the stairs, whisking us away to our respective rooms. I was not exactly sure all the Will had to go through to prepare himself, but I had no doubt it was far less than what I endured. Washing, drying, hairdressing and cosmetics, all before I was even allowed to don the cream and powdered blue chiffon dress. Louise decided to include some of the sapphires Mother had given me, clasping the necklace around my throat.

Will was waiting in the parlor for me, adjusting the smooth black gloves he wore. He looked very handsome in his tailcoat, with its well fitted waist and high starched collar. He paused when I entered, a smile breaking out on his face. "Ana, I swear, every dress suits you."

"I do try to avoid red," I said as I walked to him, "Makes me look sallow. And you look quite dashing."

"I suppose I should just be glad that a top hat isn't required for evening parties." Will took my hand, not that I could feel his hand through the white kid gloves. He dropped his voice, speaking softly. "I don't suppose we could indulge ourselves in the carriage since your mother isn't coming?"

"Kisses, but nothing more I'm afraid." I whispered back, "The skirt is a tad tight on this one."

"A tragedy," He sighed, leading us out to the carriage. "But you do look stunning." The drive to the Astors was not nearly as long as I would have liked, and it seemed that I only got to spend a few moments in Will's arms, breathing in his scent and sucking on his lip, before I had to pull away to ensure that my hair and dress had not suffered during our brief kiss. Will gave a soft groan as I did, "I find myself missing our days in Southampton more and more."

"I do too," I muttered as I readjusted my necklace, it had been shoved aside as Will had pressed kisses to my breasts. "It was nice to wake up next to you every day."

"And my nights were much improved by your presence." Will gave a slight tug, pulling me back to him. I laughed as he curled his arm around my waist, his voice almost husky as he spoke. "I miss having you in my arms all night."

"I'll be back there soon enough," I giggled as he pressed his nose to my neck. "And you'll be back out sailing sooner."

"At least it will occupy me, I find myself with so little to do now that I keep wanting to pull you into my room for the night." He pressed his lips to the hollow of my throat, "That would alleviate my boredom."

"Remind me to have you be bored more often." I sighed, holding his head to my neck. "We're just about there though, so we should probably stop." Will gave a groan, but pulled his head back. It was only a minute before we stopped outside the outsized entrance of Beechwood, the Astor's mansion. Even the Vanderbilts couldn't compare to the marble palace that the Astor's had built, covered in massive artworks and rich draperies that almost dominated the flashing jewels of the ladies who crowded the halls, their dark clad escorts almost disappearing into the exotic dark wood. Will and I joined the line of those entering, stopping to greet the Astors as we got to the ballroom. I held Mrs. Astor's hand lightly, bowing my head slightly. "Thank you for the invitation, it's always an experience to visit Beechwood."

"Oh, of course, Miss Dalian." She simpered, looking over to Will. "You and your fiancé are welcome at any time. I hope you will enjoy the party, Mr. Murdoch. I must admit I was inspired by your engagement party, dear. It has been so long since we were able to visit." That was the end of it for she quickly turned to the next group, and we entered the ballroom to find the theme had apparently been nautical in nature. Golden model ships stood guard over tables groaning with dishes and drinks, and a riot of every shade of blue silk was draped over tables and from the walls.

I could see Will's lips purse as he considered the man-o-war protecting the champagne, onyx beads standing in place of the guns. He handed me a glass, keeping one for himself. "How much do you think she spent on that?"

"Enough to actually purchase a real one." I chuckled, "I think she's just excited to have you here."

"If this is a sign of her acceptance, I should hate to see how she treats those she does not like." He sighed, taking a swallow of his drink. "I think I have the first dance, though?"

"You always will." I smiled, setting my drink aside as he led me out onto the dance floor. The band was playing a fast tango, one that allowed Will to stand very close to me and place his hands around my waist. Dancing with him was always a pleasure, from the slight graze of his fingers along my arms to the way he would glance at me, his eyes flashing. When the band ended the song we applauded with the rest of the dancers, moving off into the crowd. Many of them had been at our engagement party, and were quite happy to greet Will. I gave his hand a squeeze after we stepped away from a small group, "You're proving to be quite popular."

"I'm not quite sure what to think of that." He muttered, "What if they start inviting me to things?"

"Then you'll go," I rolled my eyes, "Or we'll go together. And if you're out I'll go in your stead." I was just about to tease him a bit further, I could see a flush developing along his cheekbones and wanted to see it flow down to his neck, when someone caught my hand. I turned, startled. "Oscar! You scared me half to death."

He smiled as he bowed over my hand, "Oh I doubt that very much, Anastasia. However, I would like to claim that dance now." His brown eyes turned to Will briefly, "I shall return her shortly." He didn't even wait for permission, whirling me into a waltz that was already being played. Oscar smiled, "You look lovely tonight, by the way."

"Thank you," I demurred, trying to focus on the steps. But I had been waltzing since I was a child, so it provided no distraction from Oscar's gentle grip on my hand. Or the grze of his fingers on my waist. "I did miss you when you left, Oscar."

"Obviously, if your letters were accurate." He chuckled, "Although it appears I only lasted for a short while in your heart."

I winced, "Oscar, it was't that I forgot about you." I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to figure out what to say while letting him lead. "I could never forget you."

"Anastasia," He murmured, standing a bit closer to me. "You don't have to say it, I can see it's causing you some distress. You just weren't in love with me." I gaped up at him, shocked. To be honest I had been a bit in love with him, nothing like what I felt for Will, but I had enjoyed his attentions and had wanted them to continue. Telling him about Zachary's attack, about Father, would it be better for him to know the truth or simply let him continue in this way? He gave a gentle smile, bringing his hand up to softly touch my chin as the music ended. "But you are in love now, I can see it. William seems to be a good man, if a tad old for you." He smirked, cutting me off before I could say anything. "But as long as you're happy with him, then I am happy for you. Now, I should return you to him before he strangles me on the dance floor."

Sure enough Will's face was red, his mouth almost screwed tight as we glided over to him. He didn't even say a word to Oscar as he took my hand, whirling back out into the next dance. And the next. The entire time he didn't speak, only holding me tighter. When he showed no signs of leaving after the second song ended I started back towards the drinks. "Will, I'm thirsty."

I could feel him follow me, his steps heavy. His voice was low, "I don't like seeing him with you."

"Will, do you know what he talked about with me?" I whirled on him, my own voice barely a whisper. "How he could see how in love with you I am. He's not a rival for you, for God's sake."

His shoulders relaxed a little, "Ana, I didn't like seeing those other men at the engagement party dance with you either. Their hands, they kept dropping them."

"Oscar didn't." I sighed, feeling a flush creep over me. I had once dreamed about Oscar dropping his hands to where they shouldn't be once, but now it was only Will. "Do you mind if we head outside? I could use some air." He quickly led us out onto the massive veranda on the back of the house, a sea breeze cooling me down as it carried scents from their garden over. I sighed, enjoying the mix of rosemary and lavender on the wind. "Mmmm, we could just stay out here for the rest of the party."

I watched Will lean against a railing, watching the party continue inside. "You don't mean that."

"No, I don't." I shook my head. I needed to be inside, to talk with people and make sure people saw Will and I. But staying out here on the dark, cool veranda with Will was certainly appealing. But we weren't the only ones out here as evidenced by the pair of footsteps I heard approaching. I turned, glad for the bright lights of the party. "Liz!"

"Anastasia! Oscar said he saw you two slip out." Liz, in an absolutely gorgeous green gown, elbowed her brother who was escorting her. Oscar simply grinned, holding a pair of glasses in one hand. Liz quickly took my hand, gently tugging me away from Will. "Come on, we have got to catch up. Did you see the absolutely disgusting gown on Mrs. Astor's daughter? That shade of pink, I wanted to die on her behalf." I let her carry me along, not too far from Will who quickly found himself in a pair of chairs with Oscar. I kept one ear open as I gossiped with Liz, wanting to hear exactly what Oscar had been planning.

"I've brought a peace offering, Mr. Murdoch. One of father's cigars, and a glass of good Irish whiskey." His voice was light, and I heard him settle down further into his chair. "I remembered what brand you preferred from the yacht."

"Thank you, Oscar." Will said as he lit it, I could hear the flare of a match, setting the glass down beside him with a solid thunk.

He and Oscar puffed for a moment before Oscar spoke again. "I wish you'd tell me what I did to make you so angry with me. By god, I thought you were going to push your way across the dance floor."

"Well, it's just a little hard to see your fiancée in another man's arms." The cigar glowed in the corner of my eye as Will pulled on it. "And you did mention everything you did to try and win her, right after I met you."

"Ah, I'm sorry about that. It's just been so long since I've seen Anastasia." Oscar sighed, lolling his head back. "She's always been a beauty, even before I left. But now, God, you're a lucky man."

"I know it." Will tapped his cigar, discarding the ash. "And I'm not letting her get away."

"Oh, I'd never steal her William. Have you seen the way she looks at you? Like a starving man at a feast, I don't have a chance." Oscar set his cigar down for a moment, taking a swallow of whiskey. "Long as she isn't with Reichster though, I'm content."

"You know about Reichster?" I could see Will tense, and I felt my heart freeze for a moment. Did Oscar know about the attack? Or Henry's continuation of his son's advances?

"Christ William, I did want to marry the girl. Of course I got told what he said at the charity ball as soon as I got back. He always was a pompous son of a bitch, but those things he said are beyond the pale. There's no way she'd changed that much in four years, not the Anastasia I knew."

Will actually laughed at that. "On that we can agree, Oscar."

"I can't believe he's coming tonight, of course he's late so maybe we'll all be gone by the time he gets here."

Will started, his cigar forgotten for a moment. "He's coming here?"

"Oh yes, Mrs. Astor was quite proud of that. Seems he only got back to New York yesterday, but he took the first train he could. They'll announce him when he enters, don't worry about that."

"It's Ana that I'm worried about," Will hesitantly reached for his cigar again. "I don't want him anywhere near her."

"Well if he decides to get close to her, and you're not around, I could always step in." Oscar grinned, "So long as you're alright seeing her dance with me a few more times."

"I'd much rather her dance with you than have her speak to him." I had expected to hear some anger in Will's voice, but he sounded calm. He and Oscar quickly fell to discussing the various yachts that were expected to make an appearance at the Newport regatta soon, and Liz and I had already exhausted discussing the dresses, the deplorable decorations, and the ostentatious, truth be told rather gaudy, display inside. Will gave me a grin as we came back, standing to take my hand. "Ana, Oscar really does want us to join them for the larger races."

"Well, I see no reason not to." I squeezed his hand, "So long as you can keep yourself from wanting to take the wheel."

Oscar laughed loudly at that, "He might be better than the helmsman I've hired Ana, you have to at least allow me to use him if I need him."

"Oscar, Mr. Murdoch is perfectly free to market his services on his own." Liz gently smacked his shoulder with her fan. "He's not something to be stolen." The chairs were given to us ladies as the two of them stood, bargaining for what exactly Will could expect in payment for taking the wheel. Oscar was apparently ready to be quite generous if Will won him the race, offering what amounted to double his yearly salary. Everything was going smoothly, which of course meant that something had to ruin it.

"Mr. Zachary Reichster, just returned from Berlin." The Astor's butler boomed out, loud enough that he cut through our conversation. I felt Will's hand immediately go to my shoulder, and I watched him stand a bit straighter as he stared into the ballroom. I tried to keep my attention on Liz, who had immediately screwed her face up as if she had just bitten into a lemon.

Her voice was even more sour, "Oscar, can we go?"

"Oh Liz, you know we can't." Oscar downed the rest of his whiskey, "Besides, the sooner we talk to him the sooner we can ignore him. Care to get it over with?" He said the last bit to Will, who grimly nodded and helped me to my feet. The four of us made our way into the ballroom, waiting in the crowd that surrounded the Astors and Zachary until we could get close enough.

I nodded to Mrs. Astor, "This has been such a wonderful party, and Beechwood is always so lovely at night." I deliberately avoided looking at Zachary, putting that off for as long as I could.

Mrs. Astor simpered, batting her fan as she turned to him. "Oh Zachary, perhaps you should tell Miss Dalian here about your father's new initiative? I'm sure she would make a marvelous addition."

"Indeed," A small smile spread slowly across his face. He was still as handsome as ever, although he had a bit of color to him now. Must have been from yachting with the Kaiser. "My father has decided that the artwork in our New York house has far too little of the feminine to it, so he has decided to commission portraits of all our great beauties in New York society," Here he bowed his head to the ladies in the group, "Including all those here, to grace our humble walls."

A great tittering went up among the ladies, all of them vying to be the first added to the collection. I remained silent until the rush had passed, only speaking once it was quiet. "That does sound delightful, Zachary, but I am afraid I have such little time to sit for portraits anymore. With the demands of the business, my social calendar, and preparations for the wedding, it leaves me little time to sit for a painter." And what little time I did have to myself I wanted to spend in Will's arms.

"Oh, Father will be so disappointed to hear that." The smile hadn't fallen from his face, "He read about the dress you wore for your engagement party and was hoping to have it captured, since he was called away by some business and unable to view it in person. Since you have such little time, perhaps a photograph for the artist to work from would suffice."

"If so," Will spoke up, and I hoped I was the only one to hear the edge in his voice. "Then I should like to stand with her, in my naval uniform that I wore for the party."

Mrs. Astor raised her eyebrows, "You hold a British naval commission, Mr. Murdoch?"

"Only in the Reserves, ma'am." Will nodded to her, then pinned his gaze on Zachary. "Although my rank does entitle me to wear a sword, which I shall have sharpened and shined if your father desires a photograph of us. I should hate to appear slovenly in the portrait."

"I shall have to ask my father," Zachary took a sip of his bourbon, "He feels we already have far too many formal portraits, he was hoping to bring some new talent in."

"Oh, be sure that you do include them, dear." Mrs. Astor batted her eyes, quickly turning from him to Will. "I should love to get a copy of it, if he agrees to it. Really Mr. Murdoch, how could you keep that from us? An officer in the Royal Navy, here at my party!" That led to a rush of questions from those around us, the crowd quickly catching on that Zachary's moment was done as the host had found a new interest. I was at Will's side the entire time, telling everyone how brave and intelligent he was to have gotten his rank.

Will was rather red faced when he looked away, "My apologies Mrs. Astor for stepping away, but I feel that I must waltz with my fiancée at least once."

"Oh! Of course, but please, promise me that you'll come see us during the regatta." She waved away his excuses that he tried to make, "I'll be very put out if you don't."

Will didn't wait a moment before he quickly swept me out onto the floor, his hands holding me tight. His face was turned away though, looking out into the crowd. I squeezed his shoulder, "Will, I'm down here."

"I know, I know." He muttered as he dropped his gaze, "I just wanted to make sure he wasn't around."

"He probably went out as soon as Mrs. Astor took a liking to you." I chuckled, taking my own moment to look out. The crowd had thinned out as the night had worn on, the dance floor only occupied by a few other couples. Oscar and Liz had each gotten their own dance partners, but judging from the slow speed of all of us dancing, this would no doubt be the last dance of the night. So I yawned rather widely when the dance finished and Will led me off the floor, and Mrs. Astor immediately ordered our carriage brought around. I thanked her once again, deciding to wait on the veranda with Will. We had barely stepped outside before a harsh laugh cut through the night.

"You know Murdoch, I wasn't expecting to see you here in tails. Stripes would suit you much better." Zachary, alone, was smoking a cigarette in the shadows as Will and I stepped out. I barely had time to realize what he had said before Will had him up against the wall of the house, the lapels of his suit crushed in Will's hands as he held him off the ground.

"Stay away from her, Reichster." Will fairly growled in his face, "I'm warning you."

Zachary snorted, "You know, it's so charitable of you to be willing to accept used goods, after all those other sailors had their turn." He didn't seem to notice that his toes barely touched the ground, Will held him so tightly. "My friend Perry saw you on the crossing you know, he called her a pretty little chit. Doesn't seem to know her very well, but he had some interesting thoughts about her. Is her mouth as sweet as it seems? When she sucks-" I felt my face flush for a second, before I heard a solid hit of skin on skin. Zachary had crumpled to the ground, his face cradled in his hands. "You bastard, you broke my nose!"

"Be glad it was just your nose." Will stood over him, his right hand balled into a fist. "If I ever hear you say anything about her again, I will kill you." He reached down, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him half off the ground, "And if your father comes near her, you're both dead." He dropped him, sending him slumping to the ground.

"We'll see what the police think about that," Zachary growled, gingerly touching his nose. "She had my father arrested for trespassing, I'll have you arrested for assault. Seems simple to me, just a nice little trade." He wiped the blood from his face, glaring at me. "Isn't it fair, 'Stasia?"

"Don't even think about trying to press charges, Zachary. I heard what you said. You're lucky he only broke your nose." Oscar stood in the doorway to the ballroom, the light around him dimming as the party died down. "If you said that about Liz, you'd have a broken jaw. At the least."

"Well, don't think your star is going to rise too far, Murdoch." He spat, literally as a bloody streak of spit made its way across the wooden deck. "They all won't forget what got you here, murderer." He shoved himself back to his feet, straightening his rumpled jacket. "And I'll be on the rise. Keep an eye on the papers, it's going to be all over them soon enough." I watched him stumble off into the darkness, cursing as he made his way around the house.

"Your carriage is here, by the way." Oscar smirked, "I was coming to tell you, seems a good thing I was here though."

Will shook out his hand from the fist he had made, offering me his other arm. "Thank you, Oscar. I don't know what I could do to repay you."

"Join us on the yacht so he doesn't come skulking around Liz and we'll be square." Oscar took my other hand, helping us wind our way to the foyer. Will was the one to hand me up though, even as Oscar gave an exaggerated bow. "It's always a pleasure to see you at a party, Anastasia. Have a good night."

I let the carriage start off before I drew Will's hand over to me. He grunted a little as I drew off his glove, revealing his slightly bruised knuckles. I brought them to my lips, kissing them. "Will, that was incredible."

"Ana," He winced, his hand moving in my gentle grip. "They hurt."

"Then let me kiss you instead." I slid closer to him on the bench, winding my hands around his shoulders and pulling him down. He didn't waste any time, actually pulling me into his lap. I giggled into the kiss, and he dropped his head to what he could reach of my breasts at the top of my dress. I sighed, clutching his head closer. "God Will, that was incredible. Seeing you hit him, it was everything I had ever wanted. Could you do it again?"

He paused, looking up. "Ana, I lost my temper. I should apologize to you, you shouldn't have seen that."

"Don't you dare." I snapped, dropping my lips to his neck. I heard him gasp as I nipped at him, and I spoke into his neck. "If you apologize for breaking his nose, I am throwing you out of the damn carriage." I kept at it, wishing that I could have his collar off so I could get at even more of him, but that would send up a sign to Reggie, who would no doubt tell Mother. So I settled for kissing him, feeling him run his hands along my back, whispering what I wanted to do to him and hearing him say all the he wanted of me, and he held me close as the carriage made its way through the dark, toward home.

Chapter Text

Newport was a delightful retreat from the city, but the gossip never ceased. I swear that a dozen papers must have filled a train car and sent it up during the night, for every morning we had our choice of papers to read with breakfast. They were all complimentary of Mrs. Astor's party, and Will's presence. What drew my eye though was one of the trashier rags, which I was only reading because I was desperate to have something to tell Liz. I couldn't help but gasp as I read the society page of the rag, feeling it almost drop from my fingers. Will glanced up from his plate, "What is it?"

"Listen; Henry and Samantha Reichster are proud to welcome their son Zachary back from his sojurn in Berlin. He returns with his fiancée, Duchess Sophia Metternich who was delayed from accompanying her fiancé to Mrs. Astor's party in Newport by inclement weather. One can only hope that this leads to a more refined and noble element of the upper class, that has grown distinctly maritime of late."

"Zachary Reichster is marrying a duchess." He shook his head, "She must know nothing about him."

"I think they're actually related." I folded the paper back up, returning to my food. "Some degree of cousin, I think. But that maritime line? Will, that's directed at you and me."

Mother sniffed over her grapefruit. "That must be what he was speaking of the other night." She had been awake when we had returned, and had immediately demanded a report from us. I could tell her mourning was weighing on her, it would be October until she could at least show herself at parties, and April of next year before she could introduce some color into her wardrobe. She had at least left it off mostly when it was at home, although she stuck to dark, plain clothes. I watched her delicately scoop around the seeds, "Really, a duchess. And German at that. I guess he had little luck among the American ladies here."

"Or he's trying to gather some clout." I muttered, crunching into a pice of bacon. "After the charity ball I can only imagine he wasn't received by very many." Breakfast was being held late today, for truth be told, there was little to do. The business was being handled by Mr. Keller, we weren't open for callers today, and we had simply decided to do what we wanted. Which meant that after breakfast I immediately raced upstairs and changed into my swimming costume, it really was a lovely little thing with its navy color and sailor collar. I pulled on a pair of black stockings to keep myself decent, although when I came down to head out I freely let my eyes rove over Will. His suit covered his chest and the top of his thighs, but left his calves deliciously bare. They were pale, and had a slight covering of brown hair. I had never focused on them when we were alone, more concerned with his face, his chest, and well, other things. I raised my eyes as he offered his arm, "And here I thought sailors didn't know how to swim."

"I think your advice is a few hundred years out of date." Will chuckled, both of us stepping out onto the back porch.

Mother, not in a swimming costume, sat in a chair, sewing on her quilt. She looked up at the two of us, "Ana, I expect you to stay in the shade. The last thing we need is a sunburn."

"Mother, the ocean has no shade." I couldn't help the snide reply, "It's not like I can wear a hat out there."

"You can't swim forever," She shot back, a small smile on her face. "You will be under the umbrella when you come in."

Will gave a short cough, "Actually, I was going to begin her lessons on the yacht after our swim."

"Wonderful, I'll have one of the maids leave a hat for you." Mother smirked, shooing us away. "Go on now, and I'll be watching." She cast a look out over the brief yard before the sand of the beach began, the view taking in the whole of the cove. She would be able to see everything from here, with hardly any strain.

I didn't mind much, the most I was planning with Will was a few brief kisses. I did hold his hand tightly as we stepped into the surf, the waves foaming around us as they broke on the shore. I gently tugged on it, anxious to get in, but he hung back. I looked over my shoulder, "Will?"

He shook his head, his eyes distant. "I'm sorry Ana, it's just the last time I was in the water..." He trailed off, staring out past the lighthouse. I knew what he meant, even if he could not say it. He hadn't been in the ocean since the sinking, when he almost drowned, or froze to death. Even I had a brief moment of remembrance, the water around my ankles suddenly chilling before I shook it away.

I stepped closer, brushing my lips across his. That seemed to get him to focus for a moment, resting his forehead against mine. I placed my fingers along his cheek, "Will, come along. The water's nice and warm, you're not wearing all that wool, and I'm with you. You're fine, as am I." He gave a hum at that, and when I began to walk backward while tugging on his hand, he slowly followed. Soon enough we were knee deep, then waist deep, and then we were treading water. His eyes had focused on me, and I couldn't help the little smirk breaking out on my face. "Besides Will, you have to catch me."

"Catch you?" He furrowed his brow, looking down at our clasped hands.

"Yes, the dashing sailor has to catch the beautiful mermaid." I slipped my hand out of his, pushing myself away from him. "Otherwise, he won't get a kiss." With that I took a gulp of air, ducking underwater and swimming down. The cove was as familiar to me as the house, the currents sending my hair out around me as I swam with them. I briefly looked back, seeing Will only a few feet under the waves. I opened my mouth, letting a bubble of laughter out before swimming for the surface. I broke into the air, shaking my eyes clear of water. Will was only a few feet from me, close enough to hear me laugh. "Come on, my dashing sailor. You won't catch me like that."

"Ana, I can't." He shook his head, lifted slightly by a wave. "I can't go under like that."

"Come on Will, it's fine."

"I can't." His voice was firm, and when I saw his hands moving across the top of the water I could see them shaking slightly. "Ana, I can't."

I ducked my head, giving a slight kick to slide down the wave and closer to him. "Will, I was just playing."

"I know." I felt his hand reach out, gently dragging through my hair where it floated in the water. "And I wish I could forget it and just join you."

I tangled my fingers in his, pulling myself closer to him. "You don't have to, we can just swim like this." I started up the next wave, tugging him along with me. He was a strong swimmer, and kept up with me even when I rolled onto my back to look up at the sky as I swam. I looked over, smiling at him. "See? Nothing wrong with this."

"No," Will was staring at where my body broke the surface, the swell of my breasts only briefly hidden when a wave sent me into its trough. "I don't suppose there is." He cast a look back at the house, still visible but the porch was rather indistinct. He swam closer, his arms twining around my waist and pulling me to him. I set my hands on his shoulders, looking up to him. His eyes were a little far away still, "Ana, I'm sorry about this."

"Shh," I shook my head, lifting myself up a bit to clasp him to me. "There's nothing to be sorry about."

"I should be able to swim without thinking about it."

"It hasn't been that long." I muttered, "This was just the first time."

I felt him sigh against me, clutching me a bit tighter. "I guess I did catch you."

"You did." I whispered against his ear, "Which means you do get a kiss." He shifted, pressing his mouth to mine. I sighed into it, enjoying the feeling of floating while kissing him, our legs twining around each other as we gently kicked to stay above the surface. It felt good to have him pressed to me, and he crushed me to him as he deepened the kiss. It wasn't uncomfortable, and I eagerly sucked on his tongue as he slipped it into my mouth. I moaned as he crushed my breasts to his chest, "Will, ah, this is lovely."

"Ana," He almost growled, dropping his hands to my legs. I eagerly followed his lead, wrapping one leg around his legs as he kicked to keep us afloat. It was quite the act we had to do, to kiss like this while staying above the waves. It could only last so long before we wound up tumbled beneath a large wave, briefly separated before we both kicked back to the surface. I watched Will shake his head, "Perhaps that was for the best."

It took everything I had not to pout, "Perhaps. Race to the yacht?" He immediately began to plow through the water, his arms strong as he pulled himself along. I preferred to be under the surface, kicking my legs and occasionally looking up to see him. He was faster than me, hanging onto one of the mooring lines on the yacht as I came up underneath him. He must not have noticed, for when I broke the surface he ducked back a bit. I smiled, "You win."

"Come on then, cabin girl Dalian." Will hauled himself up the line, reaching down to help me from the dock. "You're due to start your training." I was grateful for his help as I scrambled up to the dock and made the quick jump to the yacht. Will smirked as he held out a straw hat to me, evidence of my Mother. I pulled it on, securing a tie under my shin. He had the mooring lines off quickly, and used a punt to push us away from the dock. We floated for only a minute before Will had a line in his hand, pulling quickly and sending the canvas fluttering up the mast. It was about halfway up when he called to me, "Alright Ana, take it the rest of the way."

I had barely grabbed the line when he stepped away, "Will! What do I do to secure it?"

"Just wrap it around that cleat." He said from the wheel, spinning smoothly under his hand as he brought us about to catch the wind. I was not able to pull it as fast as him, and my arms were burning by the time I had the rope secured around a cleat. We were scudding across the cove, the Dependable's bow slicing cleanly through the small waves. Will grinned, "Come, take the wheel."

I came up behind him and hesitated. "Will, I can't take it."

"Yes, you can. Just hold it like I am." He stepped back, still holding the wheel but making it clear that I was to take his place. He pulled his hands away as I brought mine up, the wood smooth under my hands. Will nodded, "Just like that. Hold her steady." It was rather nerve-racking to do so, with every wave she shifted slightly and I had to adjust the wheel against it. I was so focused on the bow that I jumped a bit when Will's hands covered mine, and I could feel him standing right behind me. "We're going to tack a bit to head out past the lighthouse, so we'll go with the wind and then against it."

"That's a bit advanced." I mumbled, feeling the wheel shift under my hands as he began to turn it. "I haven't even got my knots down, let alone steering."

"You'll do fine." I could feel him speak against my back, and the ship moved smoothly under his hands. It took time for us to make it past the lighthouse, the wind constantly wanting to push us back in. But Will was a marvel, using the momentum of the wind to work against it, to send us cleanly breaking through a wave and slipping further and further out. He didn't even notice when I slipped out from in front of him, letting him have full control. It was quite something to see him in his element, his feet firm on the deck even as it shifted underneath him as we came into the rougher surf. He was smiling, truly smiling as we set off along the outside edge of the cove, speeding along under the wind. He laughed, loudly. "My God Ana, I would have proposed sooner if I knew you had a ship like this!"

I shook my head, feeling myself grin. "I told you about it soon after we met."

"But you never mentioned how smooth she goes!" He spun the wheel, sending the yacht heeling over as he reversed our course. It made me glad that our yacht was small and could be handled by only a few crew, a larger ship might have rolled. "Ah, here she comes back. She handles like a dream, who designed her?"

"I couldn't tell you," I moved closer, wanting to be near him when he was like this. "Grandfather had her commissioned, then promptly lost the plans he had been given."

"Well, your shipwright knew his stuff." Will almost hooted as we came back into the cove past the lighthouse. "It's been a long time since I've handled one like her." His eyes flashed over, alight with joy. His voice was deep though, the Scots in it rising and sending a thrill through me. "Exceptin' you, lass. Nothing compares to you."

"Oh Will," I whispered, hoping the wind would snatch my words away before he heard them. "You're so happy out here, aren't you?" He gave no indication that he had heard as we approached the pier, simply ordering me to slack off the sail and be ready with the lines as we approached. It took me several tries to toss a looped line around a mooring cleat, and the rope grew heavier each time it fell, shedding salt water every time I hauled it back up. I looked over my shoulder, "You could help you know."

"You can do it." Will chuckled, leaning against the mast. "I believe in you." It was another two tries before the loop was secure, and Will took up the line to haul us closer to the dock. I sighed with relief as he secured it, glad to be done. It had been fun to sail with him, to see him enjoy the ship and the waves, but it was rather exhausting. A nap on the beach sounded delightful at this point, especially if he was with me. Or perhaps we could retire to the hammock, where we could resume our previous activities. I was just about to suggest that when I looked over, noting that a rather elaborate area had been erected.

I could see a sitting area had been set up on the beach, Mother perusing a book under an umbrella in a wicker chair brought down from the porch. We were clearly expected, a pair was set up across from her with a table between, food and drink laid out. She had even had a plain rug set down over the sand, and she glanced up from her book as we approached. "Very well done Mr. Murdoch, we'll make a good showing this year with you at the helm."

"I can't take all the credit," Will ducked his head, "The designer should at least get some." He snaked his hand out, wrapping it around mine as I sat down. "And my faithful deckhand."

I shook my head, "Oh, I've received a promotion from cabin girl, then?"

"Soon you might even make officer." Will smirked, "You'll need to brush up on your navigation."

"Thank you for your advice, Captain Murdoch." I chuckled, reaching out and grabbing a small plate of fruit. "I shall endeavor to improve myself for you."

Mother actually snorted at that, "The day I see you willingly do math to find your position by the sun is the day that I start walking on my hands." Her book was quickly discarded, and she leaned back in her chair, considering us. "And don't think that I missed you two kissing out there. Honestly, Mr. Murdoch, you're almost forty. Haven't you got some restraint?"

He blanched, "Mrs. Dalian, it was just a kiss. I, I just-" He cut his eyes over to me, "I just enjoy being around Ana so much."

"I can understand that, but I can guarantee you that if anyone else sees you kissing like that then the wedding will be moved up." She glared at me a bit, "At least within a month of someone seeing." Her voice was firm, "And I would dearly hate for that to happen."

"Of course Mother," I nodded, "We act completely respectable around others. It's only here that we act like that."

"It's only here that you have to be dashed by a wave to be separated because you were so caught up in kissing each other?" Her eyebrow quirked up as I blushed, "If you didn't think I'd have a pair of opera glasses on you the entire time, Anastasia, really."

"Mother, I'm sure that you and Father kissed." I shot back, thoroughly embarrassed by this point. "In fact I saw it."

"You saw us acting appropriately for our relationship, not so wrapped up in each other that we forgot everything around us." She sniffed, "As you two are not yet married, well, you should control yourselves a bit better." She nibbled on a sandwich before continuing. "Have you come up with a date yet?"

Will, after gulping down some lemonade to try and combat the flush that was threatening to rise on his cheeks, spoke up. "I was told by Ana that she was considering June first, on the advice of Miss Vanderbilt."

"It would be a good date." I shrugged, "We could have it in the city and then meet up with you here, after the honeymoon."

She nodded, "Almost a full year from now, that should work fine. Your dress will hopefully be ready by then."

"Mother!" I almost started out of my chair, "What kind of dress are you planning that it would take almost a year to sew? And you haven't even consulted me on it!"

"You will have the best dress that I can buy." She grinned, "Especially if my daughter is going to be facing down a duchess who was not held up by inclement weather but," She paused, clearly relishing the fact that I was leaning forward and completely focused on her. "Getting a fitting done at Worth's in Paris for her wedding gown."

"No," I breathed, my eyes wide. "How did you learn that?"

"Oh, Mrs. Vanderbilt managed to get it from a friend, who heard it from Samantha Reichster herself." She rolled her eyes, "That woman loves nothing more than to brag about the cost of everything. And the ring? Apparently it's the same one that Zachary tried to foist on you, from Cartier."

"My God." Will muttered, his brow furrowed. "They're going to spend themselves into a pit if they keep going on like this." Worth and Cartier, he was right. I had no doubt that we'd be seeing articles soon about the ring and the gown, crumbs let out by them to the papers to drive up interest in their wedding. It would be all anyone would be talking about by then.

"Let them." Mother leaned back, a smile on her face. "I will do everything in my power to ensure that no matter how much they spend, the two of you will outshine them. Your first fitting will be next week Anastasia, the day before we attend the launch." She turned to Will, "You will be more than welcome at the launch, Mr. Murdoch, but I am afraid the dress fitting will be a ladies only event."

Will nodded, "Of course, Mrs. Dalian. I look forward to seeing the dress when it is fully finished." His hand slipped around mine again, squeezing it tightly. "On our wedding day."

Mother snorted at that, "Oh Mr. Murdoch, that is so quaint. You will see it when the wedding portrait is taken, and when one is painted. Unless you would like to delay your honeymoon to have those done after the wedding?" Will turned red, and I could see the flush traveling down his neck and onto his chest as Mother began to laugh. I couldn't help but smile, squeezing his hand in return. Even if it was at his expense, it was good to see Mother laugh again. It was good to see her gossiping and planning, to see her come back to herself.

Will seemed to find his voice again, "Yes, well, I would certainly hate to delay it."

"Wonderful, wonderful. Now, what do you think our chances are in the races this year?" She had a very triumphant smirk on her face as she turned to Will, listening to him go on about how the Dependable could fare. Even when he got technical she nodded along, as did I. I recognized some terms that he used, and he was very good about using his hands to illustrate certain points. She gave a nod when he finished, "I would so dearly love to make a good showing this year, in Gareth's honor."

"That would be nice." I mused, thinking about it. "He never could get to the finish line when he sailed."

"If he was here, he would want Mr. Murdoch at the helm." Mother sighed, looking past us and out to the ocean. "He would want to make as much of a splash as he could. I can see him now," Her voice grew soft, and I reached over for her hand. "He'd do everything to make sure that all eyes were on you, Anastasia. Winning the races at Newport, the most extravagant wedding gifts, the wedding itself. He wouldn't want any paper to ignore you."

I gave her a squeeze, trying to keep my voice steady. "I know. And I know that you'll do everything just as he would have done."

"It would have been easier with him here, I wouldn't have had to do this all alone." She pressed my hands between hers, her smile rather sad.

Will's hand reached out, grasping Mother's other hand. "Mrs. Dalian, I shall do everything that I can to assist in this." He glanced aside at me, "As will Ana. You are not alone, we will help with anything."

Mother sniffed, looking to him. "Thank you Mr. Murdoch, I can see why she loves you."

Chapter Text

Taking the rail car back to New York early in the morning meant yet another round of poker, Mother and Will seemed to be obsessed with beating each other. Mother had even upended her coin purse to use for bets, and had ordered me to be the dealer. It proved to be a simple task, simply laying out the cards and ensuring that the two of them followed the standard procedures. By the last hand the few coins in front of Mother were dwarfed by Will's pile. He grinned at her over the coins, "Mrs. Dalian, you play like a card shark."

"And you play like a bored sailor." Mother snapped back, throwing her last coins in. "I have no doubt you've played many hands with your fellow officers, you're deliberately fleecing me."

Will chuckled, throwing a few more coins in before revealing his hand. "Ah, a flush. I believe that beats your two pair." I shook my head as I gathered the cards back in front of me, watching as Will began to sort out the coins by amount and stack them. "Would you like these back, Mrs. Dalian?"

"Keep them Mr. Murdoch, I'll win them back on our way up." Mother said as she got up from the table, settling herself on the bench with a magazine. We were getting close to the city, the train slowing somewhat as we entered the outer limits. It was less than an hour before we were in the auto, chugging along to the Fifth Avenue house. Mother looked to Will, sat across from us in the cab. "I hope you do not mind Mr. Murdoch, but I will be keeping Anastasia. She has her fitting this afternoon."

"Of course not," Will nodded, "I am sure I shall find something to occupy myself with until your return."

"I hope so, for it will probably be quite late." The stop at the house took only a moment, as did the trip to the designer Mother had chosen. I took in the massive windows that fronted the office, sketches and drawings of elaborate dresses displayed prominently. She gave a laugh at seeing my gaping expression, "Paul is quite extravagant, I have a feeling you two shall get along famously."

"Paul?" I asked as an attendant opened the door to usher us in. "How long have you been planning this that you're calling him by his first name?"

"Since you telegrammed that you were engaged." Mother sniffed, sweeping through a floor teeming with customers, salesmen and shop girls. I tried to take in everything as I followed her, the draped fabrics of dresses that brushed across the carpeted floors, the glittering jewelry displayed in glass topped cabinets. And hats, endless hats, on shelves, on stands, even placed on pillars as if they were an ancient sculpture.

Mother ignored all of it, giving our name to a manager, who quickly led us back into the workrooms behind the storefront. Seamstresses bustled by carrying bolts of fabric, rich silks and plain cottons. We passed a room of women doing nothing bust dressing hats, feathers and flowers quickly placed and sewn down. The manager finally stopped, opening a door and bowing as we passed through. It seemed the strangest combination of a fitting room and an office, high windows letting in light. A rather portly, older man was behind a cherry desk, his fingers flying over a sketch in front of him. I watched the plain figure suddenly be surmounted by a massive hat, drawing attention to the slim skirts that swirled around its feet.

Only after the last line had been drawn did he look up, "Ruth, darling." He stood, coming to bend over Mother's hand. "And this must be Anastasia, lovely to finally meet you dear." He bowed over mine, then stood, considering me for a moment. "Hmm, the plain whites will not work with your coloring. Not at all. Cindy!" He called, sending a shop girl that I hadn't noticed scurrying forward. "Take the whites off the table, bring in some more of the creams and ivories." She nodded, darting over to a table and beginning o remove bolts from it.

I turned back, taking in Paul's rather fleshy face with its rather bushy mustache underneath a mop of thinning brown hair. "I'm afraid I haven't gotten your whole name Mr.-"

"Hunt." He said absentmindedly, returning to his desk and sorting through a pile of sketches. "Paul Hunt."

"Well, it is very nice to meet you Mr. Hunt." I said as I moved over to examine the sketches as he flew through them. "It seems you have already become fast friends with my mother."

"Oh Ruth is a darling," He shuffled the papers around, finally pulling out one that he placed on top. "Please, ladies, take a seat. I should like to show you what I hope to be the final design." Mother and I sat in a pair of chairs across from him, looking at the plain white paper. Charcoal lines described a rather old fashioned dress, at least in terms of the silhouette. The skirt was bustled to the back, almost oval in shape with the way it stretched to the back. A train was placed over it, dragging behind, but it was nothing compared to the length of the veil that trailed it, held onto the figures head by a pair of flower garlands at the temples, the hair caught up in a net. I glanced from the profile to see the main part of the dress. Again, it was rather old fashioned, with its split skirt showing a petticoat underneath, but I found that it felt more classic than ancient. Strands of pearls were draped from side to side of the split front, held in place by brooches and the pattern repeated on the collar of the bodice, which came down in a point over the skirt. Also pointed were a massive pair of split sleeves, revealing an embroidered interior and a small cap sleeve of silk and organza on the inside.

I slowly turned to Mother, "This is, Mother this is extravagant beyond measure."

"She said she wanted you to look like an empress." Paul said, lovingly tracing the fall of the veil with a finger. "Although that was only in a telegram a few days ago, if I'm being honest. I hope you approve of the additions, Ruth. The pearls especially, they will of course lead to a substantial increase in the cost, assuming you would like the best I can find."

"Nothing less will suffice." Mother muttered as she leaned over the sketch, considering it. "What would you think of damask on the skirts?"

"Too busy, they would distract from the pearls. And your daughter's natural beauty." He nodded to me, smiling. In spite of the sheer rush of thoughts going through my head, trying to figure the costs, how Mother had managed to find Mr. Hunt, if the more modern styles would look better, I found myself grinning back. The dress was over the top in every way, from the train to the veil dragging behind it, which I just noticed had pearls along the edges. "Do you approve, Miss Dalian?"

"Mother, it's just so much." I brushed my fingers across it, imagining my features in place of the blank face of the sketch. "I can't ask this of you."

"Do you like it?"

I glanced to her, "I love it, but I don't want you to spend so much."

"Then I won't show you the receipt. It will simply be a gift." Mother gave my hand a squeeze, then turned to Mr. Hunt. "If you are ready for the first fitting?"

"Of course, of course. It's simply a muslin, nothing too expensive." He said the last to me, gesturing toward the fitting area of his office, a step in front of a threefold mirror. He quickly turned around, the shop girl coming forward to assist me out of my dress and into the undergarments required for a dress like this. It was an old crinoline that she settled around my wait, buttoning a plain muslin skirt over it before she laced the muslin bodice around me. It even had the first version of the split sleeves on it, a single layer of fabric dangling down.

"Oh, my dear. It suits you so well." Mother had retired to a chair to watch as the muslin was fitted, and I watched her pull a handkerchief from her pocket and dab at her eyes. I turned to the mirrors, considering myself. The style really did suit me, showing off my height by the skirts belling out from their deep pleats and the bodice dipping low over my chest to reveal the slight swell of my breasts. Cindy reappeared, accompanied by Mr. Hunt as she held up a number of fabric samples to be considered. Mother wrinkled her nose at one. "That champagne is far too dark, try the ivory."

"Too yellow." Mr. Hunt muttered, and it seemed a dozen colors were considered and discarded while I stood there. Finally Mr. Hunt held up a rich cream silk, "This faille is a good shade, do we have it in a taffeta?"

"Yes Mr. Hunt, right here." Cindy had appeared as if by magic at his side, a sample in her hands. "We have three bolts in storage as well."

"Ah, my dear. What would I do without you?" Mr. Hunt leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek, which sent the girl to blushing furiously. "The embroidery and embellishment will take more time than sewing the actual gown. Send those bolts to the cutters when we've finished, they'll need to move quickly. With your approval, of course ladies." Here he smiled at Mother and I, his eyebrows raised.

Mother pursed her lips, but nodded. "It is perfect. Anastasia?"

"Oh yes, Mr. Hunt. It is lovely." I smiled back at him, "It will look marvelous with the pearls that you added." From there it became a series of adjustments of the fit of the muslin, seams being loosened and tightened, hems pinned and let loose, until after what seemed like hours I was finally given permission to get down and dress. Mr. Hunt assured us that the next fitting would not be for awhile, that he needed time to determine the exact embroidery patterns he would devise for the train. Back in the car, I turned to Mother. "He is certainly talented."

"Oh, a certain set do seem to love him." She sniffed, watching as we pulled away from the curb. "I've had my eye on his designs for awhile, a bit too much for me but entirely appropriate for a wedding."

"And Cindy?" I raised an eyebrow. "Is she his wife?"

"His muse, apparently." Mother almost giggled, "They're rather bohemian from what I've gathered."

"They're not married?"

"No, and they live together as if they were." She actually flushed a bit. "It's why he hasn't made as much of a name for himself. He won't divorce his wife, who he hasn't seen for years, and he won't give up Cindy."

"Mother, how exactly do you know all of this?"

"Well, Mrs. Vanderbilt has all the gossip, as you well know. She was all aflutter when I told her that I had contracted him for your dress." She sighed, settling back into the seat. "It was nice to call on her. I have missed it."

"Yes, I have as well." I mumbled, thinking about how I still hadn't had calling hours for Liz to come over. Once we got back, I'd give her a call and tell her to come over anytime and I'd be glad to sit down to tea with her. The car ride was quick to the Fifth Avenue house, and Mother and I were quickly handed out and made our way inside. I could see some furniture was still covered in sheets, there was no point to opening up the house when were were only here for two days. It was only our personal rooms that had been aired out, although I found Will in a reception room, the dust sheet on the floor as he lounged on a leather sofa. "Will, don't go making more work for the servants."

He barely glanced up from the book he was reading, "I'll pick it up once I'm finished." He did shift himself to a sitting position, patting the seat. "Join me?" I did, and he quickly wrapped his arm around me, the book forgotten as he pulled me up onto his lap. "What is the dress like?"

"As over the top as everything Mother does." I chuckled, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "But I do love it."

"Good, good." He let his hands wander from my waist to my bottom, pulling me closer to him. "So we only have the launch and then we head back up, right?"

"Yes," I shivered, his fingers had started to trace their way upwards. "Anxious to get back?"

"Anxious to get you back on the yacht, you need to practice your steering." Will chuckled, his lips dropping to my neck even as he pressed me flush to him. It was only for a second though, a pair of footsteps sounding the hallway that had me back on the seat next to him. He began to loudly read from his book, not poetry but rather a history of New York. I sighed, at least I could still press myself close to him, and as the sound of the footsteps faded, I let my hand rest on his thigh.

Will always did make such lovely noises when I teased him.

"Ana, are you really quite sure this looks alright?" Will said as he adjusted his new uniform in a mirror as we waited for Mother to come downstairs. It was similar to his White Star one, only a few differences. For one, instead of the White Star flag on his buttons and peaked cap, it was the scrolled Dalian D. His rank markings were also different, simply two plain gold lines around his cuffs and on his epaulettes that marked him as a senior officer. Reggie had sent his measurements to the store we had a contract with for the uniforms and this had been waiting for Will this morning. I watched as he shook out the cuffs of the new frock coat. "It just feels a bit tight."

"It will relax with wear." I smiled, stepping up to the mirror to admire us. We did make a handsome couple together, him in his uniform and me in my sailor style dress. We always tried to dress nautically when attending a launch, although Mother would still be in mourning. I did see golden anchors dangling from her ears though as she came down the stair. I smiled, "Your earrings are perfect."

"Thank you Anastasia, and our uniform suits you quite well Mr. Murdoch." Mother gestured towards the front door, "Shall we?" Together we all settled into the auto, letting it chug us along to the shipyards. It was a longer trip that we usually did, although it was rather fun to suddenly see the ship come into view. She was freshly painted, red below the waterline and black above, the deck railings and rooms a bright white. She was lacking her funnels and masts, they'd be installed after she was floating, but lines hung with hundreds of flags were draped along her sides.

I sighed to see her as we approached, although I started as we got closer. Another ship was docked at the shipyards, away from the launch but still rather close. I squinted, sure that I recognized it, aside from the blue and black Dalian funnel. "Mother, what is the Ruth doing here?"

"Captain Fraser is taking over the new ship, and considering he was in town, he thought it would be appropriate to bring her over." Mother glanced out the window, looking back quickly.

"The Ruth?" Will, across from us, raised his eyebrows.

"Gareth named her for me, for our twentieth anniversary." Mother's voice didn't catch, but she did sound distinctly sad. "He thought it was a wonderful gift. Any man can buy his wife a necklace, only he could name a ship for her."

"That's very thoughtful." He smiled, "He was a great man." I reached over and took Mother's hand, smiling to keep her from feeling worse. It would already be hard to attend a launch without Father, he'd always loved them. When the car stopped at the entrance to the shipyard, Will handed us down. "Ladies."

I took his arm, both of us following Mother. "Try to keep her happy, this is going to be hard." She and I smiled and shook hands as the shipyard owners greeted us, Will nodding but staying back as they began to talk about how quickly the ship was going to be completed after the launch. We made our way through a very large crowd, shipyard workers having brought their families to watch, mixing with our office staff and various officers and captains that had made the trip.

"Mrs. Dalian, it is a pleasure to see you again." A captain said, bowing over her hand. "I'm pleased to report that your namesake made her last crossing in record time for us, I did not want to miss this."

"Captain Fraser, thank you." Mother actually gave a smile, and gestured for us to step forward. "You remember Anastasia, of course, and this is her fiancé William Murdoch. He will be one of your senior officers."

Will extended a hand, "It is very nice to meet you, sir."

"Likewise," Captain Fraser said after a moment, shaking Will's hand firmly. "How long have you been at sea?"

"Coming on twenty-three years, sir." Will drew himself up a bit, "I promise, I shall do my utmost for you."

"Hmm, we shall see." Captain Fraser said with a smile, his eyebrows quirking up slightly. "But for now, let's head on up. Mr. Keller is waiting for us to join him on the stage before we begin." Captain Fraser actually gave Mother his arm to help her onto the stage, but took a seat farther down from us. The stage was close to the bow, the champagne for the christening waiting on a small podium, in a silver cage and with ribbons dangling from it. I could see the crowd eagerly turning towards us, anxious for the launch. Not only to see the fine new ship they had built finally touch the waves, but for the party we had sponsored. It could not start until the ship was launched, hence the impatient looks on people's faces.

Mr. Keller stepped forward, clearing his throat. "We come here today to launch the newest ship for Dalian Shipping, built quickly and sturdily by you men here." That led to a cheer from the crowd, Mr. Keller waiting until it died away to speak again. "This is also our first launch without our previous owner, Gareth Dalian. He set out the details for this launch long before the keel was even laid, as was often the case. We shall miss having him here, so I would ask you all for a moment of silence to remember him." Hats were doffed and heads were ducked, I reached over to squeeze Mother's hand. Her head was ducked, so I was unable to see her face, but she did squeeze my hand back.

I waited until Mr. Keller had begun to speak again, praising the efforts of everyone from the shipwrights to the riveters, before I whispered. "Oh Will, I just wish Father could be here. He obviously planned so much of it out."

"You know Ana, some sailors have a belief that gulls are the souls of those they've lost. Perhaps that one on the stage is your Father, come to check up on you. And that one might be my brother John, making sure that I'm keeping on." He drew my attention to a gull that had settled down on the corner of the platform, eyeing the ribbons along its edge. Another gull wheeled overhead, cawing loudly as it circled. I wanted to kiss him then, to tell him that he was everything to me, sweet and kind and the best man that I had ever met. If Will had asked me to go to his bed after he had said that I would have agreed in a heartbeat. But I couldn't, I couldn't even kiss him with all the eyes that were on us. So I settled for squeezing his hand tightly, hoping that my eyes could tell him all that I wanted to.

"I should like to ask Miss Dalian to come forward, and read a letter that her father had sent to me after ordering the ship. He wanted me to remember this for the launch, so it is rather short. Anastasia, if you will?" Mr. Keller looked back as he spoke, holding out a tattered envelope. It took me a moment to get to my feet, stepping forward by the podium.

I looked at the it as Mr. Keller handed to me, opening it and pulling the letter out. Tears sprang to my eyes, a few of them falling down my face, and it was a moment before I was able to speak. "My father, Gareth, left this. He wrote, Adam, name this new ship after my daughter. Ruth has sailed alone long enough, and there is no other lady that I love more than my daughter. Let her be the Anastasia, and have her christen it." I placed the folded letter down, taking a second to compose myself. "I hope he's here, somehow, and can see this."

I stepped to the edge of the stage, a champagne bottle held inside a silver wire cage so that the glass could be kept. It would join the others in Father's office, memories from each launch. I lifted it, pulling the rope around the neck taut so it would swing quickly against her bow. The words came easy, I had heard them so many times. "May God bless this ship and all who sail on her. I christen thee the Anastasia." I let the bottle go, swinging smoothly to smash against the steel side, a great cheer rising from the crowd as the champagne burst from it and drenched a few of the people close by. I felt Will's hand on my shoulder, and Mother's slip into mine as they joined me, a great whistle sounding as the ship quickly began to slide from her berth. Soap, grease and fat spread along the floor of it sped her along, a great rush of water coming as her stern slid into the water. It was only a moment before the rest of her followed, her anchored lines slowing her so that she rested placidly on the waves. A couple tugs were already coming forward to direct her to a dock, where she would receive the last of her fittings. It was a good launch, no fouled lines or injuries, it was a good omen for her future

Mother dabbed at her eyes briefly, but her voice was firm. "Mr. Keller, Captain Fraser, I hope you will join us for a dinner in celebration of this occasion." Both quite loudly agreed, and there was a deal of discussion over cars that were needed, for Mother asked that some of the office staff, and even some of the riveters, join us. It led to a very large table in a very fine restaurant and a goodly amount of drink being shared around. Looking out over the varied crowd, whose dinner she would gladly be paying for, Mother lifted her glass. "I think a toast is in order."

"Of course," Captain Fraser said, hoisting his whiskey. "Quite fitting."

Mother lifted her own glass of champagne high, her motions echoed by the entire table. We waited in silence for her, and her voice was light when she spoke. "To both of our Anastasias, may they have a long, safe, and happy life." She paused for a moment though, a smile breaking out. "And a warning to Mr. Murdoch, that he should take the utmost care of both." That led to a loud laugh, Will flushing slightly until I took his hand, and a number of drained glasses slammed back onto the table. What followed was an entertaining dinner, with a bit of ribbing for Will about how he should handle the ship and myself differently. One might need a firm hand, but the other he should be gentle with. It was also never polite to comment on the size of a lady's stern, that comment had me laughing loudly as Will flushed a bit. All in all, it was a good night, and as it wore on, I felt Will slip in hand into mine under the table, brushing his thumb across the back of my hand. It took all I had to not turn to him, mooneyed and dewy with that love that was filling my heart.

Chapter Text

It had barely been three days before the Vanderbilts had shown up during our visiting hours. A maid had led a grinning Oscar and Liz into the upper parlor, reserved for close family friends, where Will and I had been waiting. Will and I were the only ones home, Mother having received an invitation from Mrs. Astor to come calling, since she had been unable to attend their party due to her mourning. Truth be told, visiting hours were utterly boring until someone showed up, I had been reading while Will worked on the finishing touches for his model. It had grown quickly under his hands, small canvas sails taut against an imaginary breeze. Even his tiny knots were well made, and I was already planning where to put it in the parlor back in New York. It would look quite nice on the mantel. But my book was quickly discarded as the maid opened the door, ushering our guests in. "Liz! I didn't think you'd be here today."

"Well, you can blame my brother here." She rolled her eyes back at Oscar, "He's been dying to take your William out in his new racing auto, and he found some tiny horse race out here."

"The quality of the horseflesh is not lacking, I assure you." Oscar almost growled at his sister, "If anything it's better than New York." He gave Will a grin though, "You should see my auto though, I brought it so we could leave the ladies here with the other. In case they wanted to go shopping after they gossip for hours on end."

Will barked out a laugh at that, "If you're sure."

"Of course I am William," He waved his cap in his hand, "You're spending far too much time with your ladies, you need to come spend some time with the other half of our set."

Will did look to me though, his eyebrows raised. I waved my hand, "Go Will, have fun. It will all be fine." I was actually glad to see him join Oscar, the younger man clapping Will on the shoulder as they headed out, already speaking about cars and horses. I had no doubt Will would come back with his wallet a bit lighter, but hopefully the two of them could bond over it. I'd replace whatever he lost, it would be nothing. But in the meantime, Liz quickly drew me into a conversation. She wanted to know everything that had gone on in New York, especially the dress. I was completely exasperated when I reached the end of my description. "I swear Liz, my mother has lost her mind."

"Oh, but all those pearls!" Liz rolled her eyes, "And you know pearls suit you. Just think what Mr. Murdoch will do when he sees you in it. He'll probably faint dead away!"

My face flushed a bit, Will would probably pull me aside somewhere and not wait for the wedding night. "Oh, I doubt that."

"I can see your face, what exactly have you two gotten up to?" Liz raised her eyebrows, smirking. "Tell me Anastasia, please, I am dying for something. This season has been so boring after, well, what happened in April. Everyone has been so serious."

"We've just kissed." I shook my head, hoping to lose my blush. "Although he has touched me."

"Where?"

I placed my hand just above my breasts, where I could feel the curve of them begin. "Here." And that wasn't a lie, he had touched me there, if only briefly as he had dropped his hand down to knead at my actual breast. "It's so lovely to feel his hands when he kisses me."

"All I've usually feel when a man kisses me is a desire for it to be over." Liz snorted as she settled back into her chair, "Although there is a slight warmness to it, but they usually taste like whiskey." She screwed her face up, "Don't you dare tell Oscar, he'll stop me from seeing any man for a month."

"Of course, as long as you don't tell my mother that I let Will touch me." I nodded, "Who exactly have you been kissing?"

"Oh, Gregory Astor, Ralph Fish, and I did kiss my cousin Alfred once." At my shocked look she laughed, "I was just curious and he offered! Don't you dare tell my mother." Well, how could I when we both had secrets to keep? We had just started discussing the exact methods the different men employed when a maid entered, a silver tray in her hands that she proffered to me as she bobbed. I lifted the card, my mind suddenly muddled.

The maid's voice barely reached me, "Miss Anastasia, Duchess Sophie Metternich has sent her card up."

"The duchess?" Liz breathed, her eyes alight.

"Yes, Miss Vanderbilt."

"The one engaged to Zachary?" I mumbled, staring at the card in my hand. The gilding along the embossed edges, the heraldic shield underneath her name. Duchess Sophie Alexandra Marie Katerina Metternich, Hamburg, Germany. I could only thank God that her cards didn't proclaim her Zachary's fiancée. At least not yet.

"Yes."

"Is he with her?" I could only hope that Liz didn't hear the quaver in my voice, or see the slight shaking in my hands.

"No Miss Anastasia, she is alone."

"Did she say what she wanted?" Liz did sound concerned though, coming to sit by me and taking my shaking hand in hers.

"No Miss Vanderbilt," The maid shook her head, turning to me. "Shall I tell her you're not home?"

I couldn't do that, not with Liz's auto outside. Besides, there was some part of me that wanted to meet her, to see what kind of woman would actually marry Zachary. "No, no. Let her in, set the parlor up for tea and stay there. I'll see her." The maid bobbed, closing the door behind her. I took several deep breaths, trying to calm myself. "Liz, would you come with me?"

"Of course," She gave my hand a squeeze, "And I don't blame you in the slightest for not wanting him here. Oscar told me what happened at the Astor's party, it's no wonder you're like this." Her eyes did travel down me though, taking in the rather informal tea dress I was wearing. "You might want to change though, if you're going to be meeting a duchess." Which lead to her and Louise taking at least fifteen minutes to help me change into a new receiving dress, almost bordering on rudeness to the Duchess as they spent time finding just the right piece of jewelry. Finally though, with Liz beside me, I made my way down to the front parlor.

It truly was a beautiful place, despite the name of the front parlor the room was actually to the back of the house, with a wall of windows facing the ocean. They were open today, allowing a the rumble of the waves and a cool breeze to stir the light linen curtains. Everything in the room was light and airy, from the sky blue upholstery to the birch wooden furniture. Even the teapot was made of delicate china, a slight wisp of steam arising from the spot. The only dark spot was the maid in the corner, nodding to me as I entered. The first impression I got of the Duchess was a regally styled mass of white blonde hair, the only part of her rising from the settee that I could see. I swallowed, finding my voice. "My apologies for the delay, Your Highness. I was dressing when you arrived." I came around the settee, feeling Liz leave to sit in another chair. I avoided looking at the Duchess, "My dear friend, Elizabeth Vanderbilt."

"Charmed," Liz nodded to her, and I took my seat and examined my apparent replacement in Zachary's heart. She was a classic, fair beauty, with skin like cream and a pair of bright blue eyes that flicked rapidly from Liz to me. Liz poured herself a cup of tea, "I was already visiting, I hope you do not mind if I join in."

"Not at all, not at all." Her almost bee-stung red lips seemed to savor each word, she didn't even have a German accent. If anything she sounded British. "Miss Dalian, thank you for letting me in. I know we have not been introduced, but I was so anxious to meet you." She smiled shyly, her cheeks flushed a perfect, healthy pink.

"Of course, Your Highness. Is that the correct form of address? Your Highness? I'm afraid I haven't much experience with royalty." I gave the politest smile that I could, pouring two cups of tea. To my own I added a healthy helping of cream and sugar, "How do you take your tea, Your Highness?"

"Oh, just some lemon." Sophie smiled widely as I added a slice of lemon to her cup and handed it to her. "Oh and yes, yes, that is quite right in terms of address. I hope you do not mind if I say it but your home is lovely, such wonderful paintings." She looked around, taking in the landscapes and paintings of tall ships which Grandfather had collected that crowded the walls along with photographs of our family at the cottage.

"Thank you, Your Highness. Your gown is quite becoming." It pained me to say it, but it was and she wore it well. A light pale yellow, embroidered with white flowers and strategic tucks of lace to emphasize her delicate complexion. Her jewelry, jade I though, complemented it perfectly. Even Liz cast an envious eye at her outfit, casting a look at me as she raised her eyebrow.

"Ach, this old thing? I do love it though." Sophie casually batted away my comment, even though her dress was clearly of the latest style. I looked to Liz, hoping for some relief, but she seemed content to watch us as if we were a tennis match.

I took a sip of tea, setting my cup down with a slight clink. "Your Highness, I must admit I am curious as to the nature of your visit." And I was, what did she intend to accomplish here? Was it to shame me with her fashionable clothing? To rub my face in her classically beautiful features? She was so small and delicate when compared to me, I was as tall and rough as a sailor, a lanky scarecrow. Had Henry, Samantha and Zachary sent her over on some quest to figure out something, or to torture me? Or was she simply trying to be nice?

"Oh, Zachary told me it was foolish, but I so wanted to meet you." She waved her hand, pressing it to her face as if she had to compose herself for a moment. "I read the articles after the sinking, even in Germany, and they spoke about you in such a wonderful way. And I wished to give you this." She reached into her reticule, pulling out an envelope that she haded over.

"An invitation?" It was the only thing I could think of, and my thoughts were confirmed as I opened it. Zachary Reichster and Her Highness Duchess Sophie Metternich cordially invite you to a celebration of their engagement to be held in Newport.

"Jah, to our engagement party. I was so sorry to have missed yours." She sipped at her tea, "I heard it was lovely though, especially for being the first entertainment your family had thrown in some time. The weather held me up though, there was such a storm! I could hardly get out of bed onboard, we were all so sick!" She lied well, I could hardly tell that she was. Sophie could have given Will a run for his money in poker.

"Oh, isn't that just terrible when that happens?" Liz covered for the fact that I could barely seem to form words after hearing this. "I was so sick on one crossing that I thought I might die!"

"The rest of the crossing was so smooth though, and the band was lovely each night." Sophie smiled, reminiscing. I could barely follow the conversation that the two seemed to have, so focused on the invitation in my hand. If I went, if Will and I went, then we'd be around the Reichsters, after I'd sworn to never be near them again. If I didn't, I'd be cut by everyone. To have the guest of honor, a royal guest, hand deliver an invitation and then to snub her, I'd be dead in the water. No parties, no balls, and Will would face rejection by almost everyone.

I set it aside, trying to give voice to my reluctance. "Well, Your Highness, you must understand that our families are not exactly on the best terms."

"Oh but that is business, surely there is no reason we cannot be friendly? Let the men bicker, we ladies can still be friends." She actually reached across and took my hand at that, her skin warm and smooth. I could see the ring Zachary had offered me on her finger, twinkling brightly in the light. "I should dearly love to be your friend, Miss Dalian."

"I run our company with my mother, Your Highness. I'm afraid we deal with the business." I didn't pull my hand from her's though, "Unfortunately things are very complicated with our families."

"Oh, dear. It appears I have, what is the English saying? Something about feet and mouths? Please, forgive me for that." She squeezed my hand tightly, "But please, please consider the invitation. I should dearly love to see you again, and to meet your fiancé, Mr. Murdock I believe?" Her smile was wide and free of any kind of guile, and I felt a pain for this girl. She seemed to be utterly sweet and naive, to be shackled to Zachary, she had no idea what it would be like.

"Mr. Murdoch, he is Scottish. And I will speak to him about it." It was the most noncommittal answer I could give, while still being polite.

With the purpose of her visit completed, Sophie rose and actually embraced me before leaving the parlor. "Miss Dalian, I do hope you will come. Truly, whatever these business matters are, please do not let them affect your decision."

"I shall do my utmost." I muttered, giving her a light squeeze before gesturing for the maid to see her out. It was only after the door was firmly shut that I sat back down, pressing my hands to my face. I only drew them away to look at Liz, "What just happened?"

"She invited you to her party." Liz shrugged, finishing off her tea. "What of it? You'll have to go."

"But Zachary will be there." I drew my arms around myself, "And he'll want to dance with me, I just know it."

"So dance with Mr. Murdoch or Oscar."

"And then Mr. Reichster is going to be there, and he, oh God." I sobbed, collapsing in on myself. He'd be there, wanting to dance with me, his hands on me, and Will wouldn't be able to stop him. Everyone would be watching as he touched me, and then he'd hand me off to Zachary, and everyone would watch me start shaking, start crying and begging them to let me go.

"Anastasia, what is it?" Liz was in front of my chair, her face concerned. "Why are you crying?" I couldn't help it, I told her. I told her everything, from Zachary on that night at her uncle's party to him on the ship and his father in my house. How I was terrified of being near them, that Ezekiel had almost killed Zachary the night of the charity ball, how I was so concerned about avoiding anything having to do with them that I had shut myself away. How that necklace had burst the happy little world I had built around myself after getting engaged. I also told her how I wanted Will to be accepted by our set, that he had already made a good showing at the Astor's party and that my fear would ruin all of that. Because I could not control my reaction to those men, Will would be snubbed by everyone. And anyone who didn't, such as Liz and Oscar, would get snubbed for not snubbing him. By the end of it I was on the floor, crying onto Liz's shoulder. She held me tight, "Is that why you stopped writing to Oscar? Stopped having me over?"

"Yes, oh, I am so sorry for all of it, Liz." I sniffed, "I should never have done it." I never should have gone with Zachary to have a cigarette, I never should have let him pull me into a dance, I never should have let Mr. Reichster into the house.

I never should have cut myself off from my friends.

"Well, it's done with now." Liz stood, helping me to my feet. She held me tight though, "But what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to have to go." I sighed, leaning into her hug. "There's nothing for it." We had only made it to the settee when Will and Oscar bumbled in, laughing loudly as they did. God, I hadn't notice the light outside waning into the late afternoon.

I could almost smell the cheap beer on Will as he came over, his eyes light. They darkened when they saw me, "Ana, what is it?" I could only shake my head, unwilling to look at him. I'd start crying again if I did. Liz muttered something to Oscar, pulling him from the room. Will joined me on the settee, collecting me in his arms. "Tell me, why are you upset?" I could only hold the invitation up, handing it to him. He almost exploded off the settee. "Absolutely not!"

Watching him pace the room, I related what had happened when Sophie had visited. "Will, she was kind enough to hand deliver it. And you would be with me the whole time."

"And let his father run his eyes over you? To see him think about fucking you?" I flinched at his harsh words. I heard him sigh, "I'm sorry Ana, but God, you really can't be considering this. You know what they've done to you, and yet you want to walk right back into his arms."

"Then keep me away from him, dance with me the whole time, sit next to me. Don't give him a chance to get close." I was on my own feet then, clinging to him. "He won't come near me with you there, not after what you did."

"Why? What has she done to make you want to go to their house?" He pulled me back to the settee, curling his arm around me. "It can't be that you actually want to go, she must have done something to make you pity her."

"She didn't do anything." I mumbled into his shoulder, "But it won't look good if we don't go after she brought the invitation by herself. People will talk."

"So let them." He sounded exasperated, "Honestly, I'd much rather they talk than have to go."

"We'll be cut by everyone." I trailed my fingers through his hair, "I won't have them cut you, not because of Zachary. We have to go, Will. We have to."

"Them not being at ours didn't cause any talk."

"You aren't a Duke." I whispered to him, "A rank like that is everything to this crowd."

He grumbled, "You're dead set on this, aren't you?" But his hand was in my hair, stroking my back through it. "Christ, and here I thought everything would be easy getting engaged to you. We'd get married," His hand slipped to my stomach, "Have an entire crew of children." I laughed at that, "And I'd grow old with you." He dropped his head back against the settee. "Not have to deal with nonsense like this."

"I'm sorry."

"What did I tell you about that?" Will almost snapped, his voice angry, but gave my shoulders a squeeze. "I suppose we should tell those two they can come in." With a little grumble he rose, opening the door.

Oscar was in front of me in an instant, his hands holding mine. "Anastasia, why didn't you tell me when it happened? I would have come back from Cambridge to help you, you know that." Will wasn't even mad at that, simply joining me back on the settee. His grip was a bit tighter though, even as Oscar shook his head. "To think, I went drinking with him. I've treated him civilly!"

"And you're going to have to." Liz sniped at him, taking a spot in a chair. "We can't let anyone know what he did. Anastasia, and William I might add, would be ruined."

"You're not dancing with him, Elizabeth." Oscar stood, barking at his sister. "Or his damn father."

"You're assuming I'd want to." Liz snorted, "And knowing the types who hang around Zachary, I won't be dancing at all."

"You can dance with me." Oscar snapped, "Or William. Assuming you don't mind if I dance with Anastasia, sometime?"

"It seems sensible," Will replied, although his lips were pursed. "I'm not letting Ana out of my sight though, not with those two around."

"Or Liz." Oscar turned to him, "We shall both keep an eye on our ladies." He turned, taking in Liz and I. "And you two will keep an eye on each other."

"Aye aye, sir." Liz saluted, turning to me with a grin. I felt myself grin back, especially when her brother rolled his eyes so hard I thought he might roll them out of his head. Even Will snorted at Liz, fully chuckling after a moment.

"Ana?" He said, his fingers tangling in mine. "This is the only way I'll let you go."

"I should just be glad you aren't hiring Pinkertons, shouldn't I?" I chuckled, "Very well, if I'm to have guards at least it's you two."

"I'll bring along a gun, just in case." Will mused, looking to Oscar. "You wouldn't happen to have a Webley, would you? It's what I'm familiar with."

"I've got a Colt I could lend you." Oscar mused, "Although that would leave me with just a Smith and Wesson."

"Guns, are you two absolutely crazy?" Liz stood from her chair, "Anastasia, help me with these two."

"I'm afraid Liz is right," I sighed, leaning into Will. "Guns are right out."

"Knives then, easier to conceal." Oscar nodded, "Very good idea Anastasia, much better for close quarters in case they try something." Liz and I shared a sigh, and I rang for a maid. I was going to need something stronger to get through this. Liz and I shared a glass of wine while the men commiserating over whiskey about what exactly they'd like to do to the Reichsters. Oscar, settled in a chair next to his sister, ran his hands through his hair. "I just can't believe that his old man would try it too. And that necklace!"

Liz shook her head, "He couldn't even spring for a new ring," Her voice dripped venom as she spoke, "Her Highness is wearing that Cartier piece he tried to force onto Anastasia. Cheap bastard."

"Agreed." Oscar replied, draining his glass and pouring himself another.

I looked up from watching him, "You know she didn't get held up by weather right?"

"Oh please Anastasia," Liz snorted, "Her getting fitted at Worth's has already spread among the entire set. Everyone on Manhattan probably knows."

Oscar sighed loudly, considering his quickly disappearing whiskey again. "What I wouldn't give to have hit him like you did William, you let him off far too easy."

"Don't I know it." Will grumbled, sipping his own whiskey. "Should have stomped on his head."

I let my fingers brush against his chest, "Will, really, my love. Such a temper."

"Oh, my dear." Will pulled my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles. "Don't tell me you wouldn't have loved to see it." He started kissing up my wrist, and then to my arm. I could feel myself blush, but Oscar hardly seemed to notice, filling his glass once again. Liz was not going to let me live it down though, her eyes dancing over her glass. I felt Will tug at my waist, "Come here, darling."

"Will, we have guests." I whispered, feeling his lips reach my elbow through my dress.

"We don't mind." Liz smiled at me, "Do we Oscar?"

I could see Oscar having to control a slight glare, "Liz, you know they should stop."

She giggled instead, as Will had reached my shoulder, oblivious to them. I looked to Oscar as Will wrapped his hands in my hair, "How much did he have to drink at the races?"

"Well, we lost the first three, so we drank two beers for each loss." Oscar wouldn't even look at me as he spoke, "Then we won the last four, we had a beer and whiskey for each of those. Plus your whiskey."

"So he's completely and utterly drunk," I wriggled, trying to avoid Will's insistent kissing at my neck. "I apologize, he gets this way when he's drunk."

"Then perhaps that's our cue to leave, before your mother gets back from her call." Oscar stood, gesturing to Liz. "See you at the party, both of you."

I couldn't really get off the settee, not with Will wrapped around me like an octopus, so I settled for a slight wave. "It's only a few days from now, not too long." Liz gave me a grin and a wink as she stepped out behind her brother, the door thudding shut behind them. Will took the opportunity to push me into laying on the settee, settling himself over me. He pulled back for a moment, his eyes bright. I gently shoved at his chest. "Will, that was entirely inappropriate in front of them."

"I don't bloody care." He grunted, dropping his lips to mine.

"Will, the door." I whispered, and he almost growled as he got up, locking it. "And the windows." Another grumble, and the windows were closed and the curtains drawn.

He was back in a moment, his tongue ravaging my mouth as he climbed over me, his breath in my mouth. I could taste the cheap beer underneath the fine Irish whiskey he'd drank here, and I let him settle between my legs, our hips flush. God, he was even hard, and I couldn't help but rub myself against him. Will pulled back, panting as his face contorted. "Christ Ana, you're driving me mad."

"Will, you are not deflowering me in the parlor." I replied, feeling him rub up against me in turn. It was hardly anything through my clothes, but I could feel the heat rolling off him as he thrust himself against me.

"No, no." Will gasped, his hips moving faster. "I won't, I promise." My own movements sped up to match him, trying to get him to rub against that sweet spot that brought me such pleasure. "God Ana, to kiss you in front of him, I couldn't get enough."

My brow furrowed, even as I gasped as he hit that spot just right. "So you still haven't gotten over that jealousy? You just wanted to make him feel bad?"

"Yes," Will dropped his face to my shoulder, his lips against my ear. "And no. I couldn't resist you, not anymore. And you were so sad, but you love it when I kiss you." I groaned, feeling the heat build in me as he continued thrusting. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, holding him close as I chased my pleasure. I could feel it rising, the heat rolling through me like a wave, my muscles contracting. Will pulled back to watch as I came, his hand gentle against my face as he brushed my hair away. "I want to watch you lose yourself, you always make the most wonderful face." His finger traced my lips, "Like you can't even remember to breathe." It was all I could do to not give voice to my release, a strangled gasp the only noise I made as I felt that pleasure rush through me.

I panted, feeling my thighs flutter as I returned. "Sometimes I can't Will, hurry, finish before Mother comes back."

"No Ana, I can't finish in my pants." He grumbled, rising. "Reggie will be able to tell. I can't have him spreading that around."

"Then finish on me," I followed him up, tugging at him to come back down. "I'll head to the bathroom and wash up before dinner." He groaned, falling back onto me even as one hand wormed between us to unfasten his fly.

I felt the hard heat of him against my thigh, under my petticoat and chemise. "Straight up after Ana, if we get caught-" He cut himself off as I shifted my thigh underneath him, and he was rather slick as he began thrust himself against me. If he thought watching me come was a treat, watching him lose himself was a marvel. His entire face shifted as he began to thrust harder and harder against me, his breathing nothing more than muffled gasps until with a sudden groan, he came. His seed was hot against my thigh as he did, several spurts before he slid away. It was but a moment for him to tuck himself into his trousers, run a hand through his hair and finish his iced whiskey. "Go Ana, before she gets back." He still sounded breathless, and I missed the days where I could have laid in his arms as we both basked in that warm afterglow. But we'd already been locked in here for a bit, and the servants would only believe Will was letting me cry on his shoulder for so long. They'd be back, sooner or later.

I tried to keep my petticoat held away from my thighs as I climbed the stairs, and I quickly wiped myself off with a cloth that I rinsed out once I reached my bathroom. Thank God Louise was busy laying out my dinner dress and hadn't even looked up when I went into the bathroom. It was a nice dress, a pastel green one that she said suited my eyes, and Mother found Will and I presiding over the table in her absence when she returned. She took her place at the head, "Well, isn't this a lovely sight to return to."

"Tell me, Mother, how were the Astors?" I speared a piece of crab, popping it into my mouth.

"Oh, very well. They were so glad that you both had a wonderful time at their party." She smiled, her own helping supplied by a footman. "They're quite looking forward to see you again, Mr. Murdoch."

"Yes, at the regatta." Will nodded, taking a drink of wine. "I'll be glad to stop by with them before we set sail."

"Mr. Rigby mentioned that Duchess Metternich paid a call." She dipped a piece of crab into the hollandaise sauce, delicately nibbling on it. "You did receive her, I hope."

"Oh yes," I twisted my hands in my napkin, "She delivered an invitation to their engagement party."

"And?"

It was Will who spoke now, "We will be attending, and I have worked it out with the Vanderbilts. Ana will be as safe as if she was here."

Mother took a long sip of her wine before turning her attention to her plate. Her fork and knife began to cut what was left on it into tiny delicate pieces, and she had eaten half of them before she spoke again. "I am trusting you with the most precious thing I have, William. Do not disappoint me."

"I will not, Ruth." He replied in kind, using her first name. His eyes were hot on my though, and I felt his foot find mine under the table. "She's the most precious thing to me, too."

Chapter Text

Liz and I had spoken multiple times over the phone in the days before the Reichster's party. First I had apologized to her for Will's behavior, she had apparently found it hilarious and refused to accept my apology. Then we had fallen into discussion about what exactly to wear to the Reichster's party. Wearing our ugliest dresses had sounded tempting, a slap in the face to them for what they had done. But then another idea had wormed its way into my head at night, and I had called Liz in a panic. I had tried to control my breathing as I held the phone, "Liz, forget the potato sacks. Find your best ballgown, the most daring, and wear that."

"But then they'll be looking at us the entire time." Liz's voice had been rather crackled over the line.

"And then they'll see us not even want to speak to them." I had sounded almost giddy, "We'll try to ignore everyone but Will and Oscar, we could almost cut them completely!" The thought of wearing a daring dress, and spinning around in Will's arms, while Mr. Reichster had to stare and know that he couldn't have me, was tempting. "We can rub their noses in it, just our complete disdain for them."

"I'll send someone down for my diamonds." Liz had crowed over the phone, "Oh, this is the best idea I've heard. Oscar is going to hate it."

"Let him, the night will be even better if he's already angry." I had giggled, hanging up the phone. I knew exactly the dress I was going to wear, the jewelry too. I had purchased it when we had been in Paris, a daring dark sapphire dress that fell low across my chest and hugged my body until it fell straight to the floor. A flimsy piece of beaded organza provided some modesty along the neckline, but very little. And I had the sapphires Mother had given me, I'd had them packed into a trunk, just in case I needed them. Both were set out on my bed, ready for me for tonight. I had set them out myself, Louise was already going to have a fit when she saw the dress, I could only imagine what she would have done if I had ordered her to bring it out. But it was beautiful, laying against the white coverlet, a sea of dark blue silk.

Mr. Reichster had wanted to drape me in rubies, I'd face him again in sapphires, with Will at my side.

I held that thought in my mind as I sought out Will in the cottage, finally finding him in the upper parlor, or rather outside of it. He was sitting on the small balcony, smoking his pipe and looking out at the sea. He'd had me out on the yacht the day before, letting me steer until I felt comfortable. My arms had been burning by the end of it, and Mother had despaired that I might get freckles, which he had laughed at. I hoped that was what the small smile playing about his lips was about, although I saw it widen as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pressing my lips to his head and his head to my breast. "Will, what exactly are you up here doing?"

"Your mother doesn't like the smoke in the house," He muttered, leaning back so that his head rested between my breasts. "And I enjoy watching the waves."

"Hmm," I leaned down, my voice a whisper. "Will, do you think you could do my a favor tonight?"

"A favor?" He chuckled, reaching over to tug me to the front of the chair. With me securely on his lap, and in his arms, he breathed against my shoulder. "And what can I expect in return?"

My hand found its way to his thigh, "You don't even want to know what it is?"

"I'd rather know the payment you intend to give." His voice caught as I ran my hand even farther up his thigh. "Ana, is this it?"

"Perhaps, although I'll have to delay it." I murmured, withdrawing my hand. "For sometime after the ball."

"And what exactly will I be doing to get it?" Will stared at me, his blue eyes clear and dancing.

"Wear your uniform tonight, and your sword." I heard my voice rise, and I wrapped my hands around the back of his head. "Please Will, please. Just think of what they'll do when you show up with a sword." I pressed my forehead to his, "You'll be the only one there with a sword, and oh, you're so handsome with it."

His hands found my thighs, pressing against them. "Is there a reason that I will need my sword?"

"Isn't being around the Reichsters enough?" I whispered, feeling his hands slip up to my waist. "Do you really need more of a reason?"

"I'm going to have a knife," He suddenly crushed me to him, his face almost buried in my breasts. "What are you planning?"

"Something that you'll enjoy." I caressed his face, drawing my fingers slowly down his cheeks.

He leaned into my touch, "I'll have to see what it is before I agree." I couldn't help the sigh that erupted out of me, rising out of his lap. Will tugged at my hands, standing when I wouldn't sit back down. Instead he caught me up around my waist, "Ana, I know that look. You're playing a trick on someone."

"Not you." I raised my eyebrow, "Although I promise, you will love it."

"I'll be waiting in the uniform, and I'll decide on the sword once I see you." His brow was furled, but a smile was on his lips. It took only a moment before he crushed his lips to mine, holding me tight to him before he released me. "I'll have to go get dressed. As will you." Despite his warning about the time, he still managed to pull me into corner after corner, his breath on my cheek and his tongue in my mouth, before finally we were outside Father's old room. I left him with one last kiss, returning to my own room.

To say Louise was upset about the dress was an understatement. I was standing in my undergarments, waiting for her to bring it when I heard her gasp. "Miss Dalian, you cannot wear this!"

I came over, seeing her holding it as if it would strike her. "Louise, it's all the rage in Paris."

"For the bohemians!" She spat, throwing it back to the bed. "Your mother will have me sacked if I send you down in it."

I brushed it free of any wrinkles, picking it back up. "Please, Louise, I need to wear this tonight."

"If you're going to seduce Mr. Murdoch before your wedding you do not need clothes to do it." She snatched it from me, "The way that man looks at you sometimes, all you'd have to do is crook your finger and Mrs. Dalian would be a grandmother in an instant."

"It's not for Will." I sighed, "It's for me. This family we're going to has treated me horribly, I want to show them that they haven't affected me. That I'm stronger than they think."

"And practically revealing your breasts will do it?"

"It will show them what they can't have." I turned, showing her my back. "Louise, put it on. Please." It was not without a grumble that the dress was dropped over my head, and the lecture about my fashion choices continued even as she brought the jewelry to me. It only slowed when she began to apply my cosmetics, her face full of concentration as she applied the powder and rouge.

Once I was ready she took one last look at me, lingering on where the dress cleaved to my breasts. "Miss Anastasia, whatever it is you have planned, just be careful. Men lose themselves in lust, they drown in it, and I'm worried for you."

"Louise," I reached out, touching her shoulder with my shockingly bare hands. "I know that, better than most. I won't let anything happen, and Will won't either." She didn't say another word, merely holding open the door. It was a bit difficult to navigate the stairs in my dress, the skirt was a tad tighter than I was used to, but it was worth it when I reached the foyer. Will's entire face had gone slack, his eyes dark as he stared at every inch of me.

Mother, her lips pursed, turned to Reggie, waiting with Will's hat. "Go get a wrap for her."

"And my sword!" Will called after him as Reggie started up the stairs. He barely looked at me when Reggie came back, focusing on buckling on his sword as Mother herself tied the wrap around my shoulders. It covered me from the neck down, falling to my knees.

Mother knotted it one more time, "I hope you know what you're doing with this little stunt."

"So do I." I muttered, stepping up to take Will's hand. The carriage was already waiting, it would be a long ride to the Reichster house in the middle of Newport. Will handed me up, although as soon as he got in he pulled me into his lap, hardly waiting for the horses to pull us away from the house. I grabbed the lapels of his coat as the carriage started to rock, "Will!"

"Get that bloody thing off." Will, with his clever sailor's fingers, had Mother's handiwork undone in an instant. The wrap didn't even have time to pool on the floor before he was pulling me flush against him. I pulled his hat off, letting it join the wrap as he buried his face in my shoulder. "God woman, you will drive me mad."

"Mad with lust?" I questioned, leaning my head down to press against his.

He chuckled, "With worry, with jealousy. Every man is going to be staring at you."

"And I'll only be looking at you." I grinned, "And you are the only one who gets to touch me." And then, unable to help myself I added. "And maybe Oscar."

"If you dance with him tonight, I will kill him." He grumbled, his hands at the small of my back. "I don't care about the stupid plan, I am not letting any other man get close to you. It's a damn good thing I brought the sword."

"You going to use it on Oscar?"

"No, but I would not mind if Henry Reichster found himself on the end of it at some point during the night." He shifted, his sword clanking against the seat softly. His hand drifted down to my skirt, gathering it as his hand slipped beneath it. The feeling of his hand through my stockings was delightful, but not something I wanted at the moment.

I shifted off his lap, unwilling to get caught up in that before we got to the party. Instead, I curled up against him, trying to come up with something to distract him. "Will, since we have some time, I remember Charles at one point saying that when we first met he couldn't shut you up from talking about me. What were you saying?"

His brow furrowed. "Ana, Charles said that to me when I was hungover, in Southampton. How do you know that?"

I ducked my head. "I may have overheard the two of you talking when I was bringing you your aspirin. I didn't want to interrupt, so I just waited."

"And eavesdropped."

"Not on purpose!"

"You really are a sneaky, mischievous little thing, you know that?"

"Oh please Will, tell me."

"Fine, fine. I suppose you could say I was shocked when I came back from lunch that first day. I couldn't believe you'd asked me to keep you company, you were so beautiful and calming to be around. And fun! Except for when he touched your shoulder, you shrunk in on yourself then. I didn't like him from the start after I saw that."

"You're very perceptive."

"Well, when I got back to the bridge I let the others know that they might not see much of me, having had a beautiful heiress claim any free time that I might have. Charles didn't believe me, 'There's no way an heiress just happened to claim you for the entire crossing. You're having us on, I know it.' was what he said. The others started putting bets on whether or not you were real. He was rather contrite the next morning after you spoke to him."

I pressed myself further against him, "Who thought I was a fiction?"

"Well, Charles for the one. Wilde, Pittman, Boxhall. Moody and Lowe sided with me mainly because I think they were trying to get on my good side. The next day, when I held you in the revolving door." He sighed, his arm around me tightening. "It was heaven for me to touch you, to hold you close. And then I felt so ashamed, you'd only wanted a tour and I'd grabbed at you like a rake."

"I enjoyed it." I muttered, kissing his cheek.

Will chuckled, "Well, I was quite furious with myself until you showed up in the mess that afternoon. I was sure you were going to tell me to never come near you again, but then you bared yourself to me, told me everything that happened. God, my anger switched from myself to him after that. How dare he have done that to you? And then you asked about me, offered your condolences over the death of someone you'd never met. You cared about me." His voice caught for a moment, "That was when I knew I wanted to court you, so I figured I would start making my inquiries.

"And then I saw him, with you, that night. You looked miserable, thank God your mother sent someone to fetch me. And those other harpies, laughing at your distress as he pulled you along. I was glad to see you trip, to help you get away from him. And then when I held you in my arms," He leaned over, breathing in my perfume. "I thought I had died and gone to my reward, I only wished I was carrying you off to bed you rather than to comfort you over what had happened."

"You still haven't managed to bed me." I laughed, "At least not completely."

"You wear that dress again and I assure you, I will." His eyes lingered on my breasts, one hand brushing over them. "And at breakfast the next morning, you ate almost the entire table. Even that was charming though, and I was anxious for the dinner the next night. You were the most beautiful thing I'd seen in a long time when you came out of your cabin, and I thought that every man envied me when I came in with you on my arm. After seeing you face down Zachary, I drew on whatever courage I had to ask your father about coming to court you. When I got to the bridge, I passed Charles and he asked how my forays into becoming a passenger were going. I told him that I'd met the girl I wanted to marry, that she was beautiful, kind, and her family had agreed to a courtship."

"So you were bragging?"

"I was already in love." He pressed a kiss to my head, "How could I have not fallen in love with you from the start? And kissing you that afternoon, God I wanted that day to last forever."

"So did I." I placed my own hand on his chest, brushing my fingers along his lapels. That was the last day with Father, the last day where my family had been complete. If that day had lasted a little longer, I could have had just a few more moments with him. Enough to tell him that I loved him, over and over. I tried to concole myself with the knowledge that he knew that, but I still wished I could have said it to him one last time.

The carriage was slowing, having reached the streets of Newport while he'd been talking. The Reichsters had not built up out on the coast as everyone else had done, or searched out their own private grounds to build on, they'd simply bought the largest house in town, added on two extra wings, and filled it with the most expensive items they could find. Which meant the street outside was lined with carriages and autos, chauffeurs and coachmen unable to park their responsibilities in a convenient field where the horses could eat and the men could catch a break. It took some time for our carriage to get to a place where we could get to the house without having to wade through the waiting vehicles.

Will cast his eyes around the massive gilded hall we entered, furniture upholstered in the current shade of green that Samantha favored. It had changed since the last time I'd been here, she had probably had three different shades since then. He sniffed as we joined the line of people waiting to greet the hosts, "Awfully grand of them." I snorted, looking ahead. The line moved slowly, giving me plenty of time to see Zachary and his father, Sophie between them. She was dressed in a brilliant red, and as I got closer my stomach twisted. Curled around her neck was the golden peacock necklace, rubies glittering harshly in the electric lights. They even shone among her hair, ruby studded pins showing off how pale it was while the necklace made her snow white skin seem to glow.

I felt my breath hitch in my throat, "Will, the necklace."

"I know." He wrapped his hand around mine, holding me closer. "Don't look at it."

Finally the line brought us up to the front, revealing Samantha at Henry's side, a pair of unknown men in uniforms standing alongside Zachary. Judging by their pale hair and eyes they must have been related to Sophie, her brothers maybe. She gave a cry when she saw up, clapping her hands together. "Oh Miss Dalian! I am so happy that you came. And this must be Mr. Murdoch."

"Yes, Your Highness." I nodded, "Thank you for the invitation."

"Nothing for me, 'Stasia?" Zachary cut in, and I glanced to him. The worst of the bruises from Will's punch had faded, and his once straight nose had a decidedly noticeable crook to it. All it did was lend him a roguish charm.

"Congratulations, Zachary." I kept my voice clipped.

"Thank you, 'Stasia. The duchess and I are quite happy with each other. As are you and your sailor, I would assume." He didn't even deign to glance at Will, but his eyes lingered on my necklace, and what beneath it. "Such lovely jewels, did you purchase those for her?" He looked to Will, then barked out a laugh. "Oh, forgive me. I forgot you can't afford things like that. She probably paid for them, like she paid for your ticket back."

Sophie gently swatted at him, "Be kind, Zaza." She simpered, "You know it is not nice to make fun of those less fortunate than you." It took all I had to keep my lips from twisting, Zaza? It was sickening. I cut my eyes to Will, but he acted as if he had not heard her backhanded insult.

"Such a lovely dress, Anastasia." Mr. Reichster spoke up, his eyes roving along every inch that was revealed to him. "The color suits you so well, I'll have to arrange for my portraitist bring enough blue along for when he paints you."

Will stepped forward at that, his hand casually on the hilt of his sword. "Yes, between the two of us I imagine we'd run him out of every shade." He cast his eyes to Sophie, "That is a magnificent necklace, Your Highness. Wherever did you get it?"

"Oh, dear old Henry here gave it to me, as soon as I got off the boat." She smiled widely, brushing her fingers up against it. "Oh, I am so sorry but I must be getting to the other guests." She turned to the other men at Zachary's side. "Frederich, Otto, show them to the ballroom." The two nodded, and without a word began to stride away. I was sure that I felt Mr. Reichster's eyes on me as we followed them, and was grateful when Will put his arm around my waist.

"The ballroom is through there," One said, standing ramrod straight at the door. I could see a crowd inside, the ladies glittering in expensive jewels and revealing dresses. Thank God I would not be too out of sorts, not if the dresses I saw were any sign. It was rather disconcerting to have Sophie's brothers standing like guards as we entered, both turning on their heel and marching away in lockstep once we were in.

"Well, they seem pleasant." I mused to Will as we stepped inside.

He rolled his eyes, "One is definitely in the Imperial German Navy, I recognize the uniform. I'm guessing the other is in the army, it's a wonder they didn't spit on me."

"They aren't fond of the Royal Navy?" I spoke quietly as he led us around the edge of the crowd.

"The Kaiser is rather jealous of it, and it all bleeds down from him." He stopped for a moment, casting his eyes about. "I don't see the Vanderbilts."

"They might not be here yet." I pointed to a footman, in his powdered wig and breeches, circling with a tray of glasses. "Care for a drink?"

"Not for me." He did gesture for the man to come over, handing me a glass. "And not too many for you, not with this crowd."

"I agree." I sipped from the glass, almost angry that the white wine in it was sweet and smooth. It would have fit the party for it to have been vinegar. "Can you believe some of the dresses? I can almost see their knees."

"You have hardly any room to speak."

"My legs are covered."

He snorted, stepping in front of me and turning to block me from a group of men that were walking past. They had been very clearly ogling me. "And I can see almost all of you up above."

"That's a lie, I have a corset on."

"And thank God for that, I'd hate to see what they'd be doing if you were wearing a brassiere." Will sighed, his shoulders set as he slowly scanned the room. I followed his gaze, noticing that a few men were very clearly eyeing me. Instead of shrinking back, I tossed my head and stood proud. Let them stare, let them see what was only for Will. He looked down at me, a band had begun to play a waltz. "I think you owe me a dance."

"I don't recall owing you one." I mused as he took my hand, leading us out to join the couples on the floor.

"You're going to owe me a great deal for wearing that dress." He replied, already sweeping me into motion.

"And here I thought you liked it."

He winced a bit, "I do, but now I see why you wanted me to wear my sword. Otherwise I'd be beating them off of you with a stick."

"Yes, your sword will serve you much better."

Chapter Text

The Vanderbilts had arrived by the time we finished our dance, and Oscar looked as if he was going to punch every man that was stopping to say hello to them. It was only after they moved off that I saw why. Liz looked ravishing, her dress a brilliant shining gold that matched the setting for the massive diamond necklace she was wearing. It afforded her a little modesty on her neckline, although it did draw attention to the curves of her breasts as it lay against them. It also drew attention to the fact that her dress was extremely low cut, and like mine, rather tight. Oscar glared at me as we approached, "Anastasia, I know this was you."

"What?" I shrugged, looking to Liz. "You look magnificent, the color sets off your hair wonderfully."

"Oscar almost locked me in the carriage." She whispered as I came up to give her a hug, "Your Will looks like he's got murder on his mind."

"And your brother doesn't?" I laughed as I stepped back. "Oscar, she looks lovely."

"She looks like you do." He almost growled, "I know you two planned this. What exactly are you hoping to accomplish with this little stunt? Having every man paw at you all night?"

"If I remember correctly," I said, looking to Will. "You both promised to stay with us all night, specifically to prevent that."

"And you've just made it that much harder." Will muttered, but he did take my hand.

I squeezed his fingers, "You both know they'd have been at us even if we showed up in potato sacks." Oscar rolled his eyes at that, and we slowly began to circulate around the room. I hardly recognized anyone here, many of the ladies were wearing bright gowns and even brighter jewels, but what drew my eye were their faces. Their smiles seemed too wide, their laughs too high, and they hung off of the men like they were going to run away. I turned to Will, "What is going on with everyone here? I don't recognize any of these ladies."

"I think Mr. Perry brought some of his girls," Will gestured to Evan Perry and his wife, who were talking animatedly with Mr. Reichster and Samantha. "I wouldn't be surprised if some of them disappeared from the party later."

A gaggle of them actually stopped in front of us, the lead one with a flowing purple dress extending her hand. "Oh, I know you, Oscar Vanderbilt, correct?"

Oscar nodded, "Yes, although I don't know you."

"Don't worry, you will," She smiled, "Violet, and my dear friends, Pansy," She gestured to a beauty in a white and cream dress, then nodded to a girl in a yellow gown. "And Daisy. I'd so dearly like to get to know you better, Oscar."

"Oh yes," Pansy chimed in, "I would love to spend some time with you."

Daisy actually reached out and grabbed his arm, "Please say you'll join us." She batted her eyes at Will, "You're more than welcome to join us. Violet has always liked a man in uniform, especially one with a nice, long sword." One hand drifted to her dress, tugging at the neckline. "Maybe you'll even let her handle it, and then I can have a go."

"I think not." Will took both Liz and my hands, pulling us after him.

"What about Oscar?" Liz said as he stopped at a side room, holding the door open for us.

Will, looking back, merely shook his head. "Your brother is more than capable of defending himself. Now, get in."

Liz took a seat in a settee, her brow furrowed. "Why would he need to defend himself from those women? Who were they?"

"Probably just some giddy guests, haven't seen anyone like him before." Will, his face decidedly red, was still at the door. "He's coming along, don't worry."

"But they were so familiar." Liz frowned, "Maybe we'd met them somewhere before. I should go get their names, Mother might want to send a card."

"No!" Will almost shouted, "Ana, help. Please."

I shook my head, looking to Liz. "Trust me, those are not women you've met before." At her look of confusion, I sighed. "They're ladies of ill repute."

"And they wanted my brother to-to-" She paused for a moment, "Enter into a liaison with them? All three of them? At the same time?" I shrugged, although I did grin when Oscar entered, his suit rumpled and his eyes wild. Liz surged to her feet, "Tell me that you did not indulge in whores just now!"

"Dear God Liz," He sighed, sitting down and rubbing his temples. "No I did not. Where did you even learn that word?"

"It's in the Bible." She groused, sitting down again. "What did they want?"

"Money, although they kept asking about you, William." He glanced aside, "They kept saying you were rather dashing, what with your sword and all." He quirked up an eyebrow, "Felt a knife wasn't enough?"

"Not with Ana looking like that." Will grunted, his face firm as he looked out. I came to his side, following his gaze. Violet was deliberately looking him up and down, although her face darkened when she saw me. Pansy and Daisy had both vanished, although some people I recognized were now circling the room. Mostly new families, or the younger sons of some of the older ones. Will curled his arm around me, pulling me away from the door. "Perhaps we should just stay in here for the ball."

"It would be nice," Oscar sighed as he stood, holding out his arm to Liz. "But we've got to keep our reputations up, and snubbing people is not the way to do it." We all made our way out, speaking with those we knew and meeting those we didn't. There were quite a few single men, all of them desperate to make Liz's acquaintance. It was all Oscar could do to discourage them, his voice exasperated. "No, unfortunately we're not accepting callers at the moment."

The man currently in front of Liz sighed, raising her hand up and kissing it. "Then I shall pine away for want of your beauty. Please, send word when you're willing to take pity on my poor heart." Oscar then decided the only way to keep them from gathering around his sister was to dance, Will and I following them. We actually passed a pleasant time dancing, and Will even acquiesced to letting me dance a mazurka with Oscar while he spun Liz around. It was pleasant mainly because we could ignore everyone else, and focus only on our partners, although I did catch Will looking a bit harshly at Oscar toward the end, Liz smiling as he finished the last steps.

She was laughing as it ended, "Oh, that was such fun." She turned to me, "Although I think I'm in need of the powder room. Care to join?" With a glance toward Will, I nodded and we linked arms as we headed off the dance floor. The powder room had been set up away from the ballroom, although it had several ladies in it already, in actuality the sitting room in front of it. Fortunately I did not see Violet, Daisy or Pansy among them as Liz slipped away into the actual powder room.

Sophie was there though, and she surged to her feet to embrace me. "Anastasia! Please tell me you're enjoying yourself."

"Yes," I nodded, seeing Liz slip away. "It's been lovely."

Samantha, emerging from behind a screen, came over. "Oh I am so glad, it was such a hassle to bring everything up from New York, you know. But the flowers available in Newport just weren't fine enough." She sighed, "Nor were the bands, or the drinks."

"Such extravagance." I replied, "You'll make Her Highness here think she's back in Berlin!"

Sophie laughed at that, "Oh, it could never measure up to Berlin." She took my arm, tugging me slightly as if to pull me back to the ballroom. "Tell me, have you spoken to Otto yet? He was so surprised to see another naval officer here."

I resisted her pulling, "Really? Did you not know that Will held a commission?"

"No! I thought he was simply a merchant sailor." She shook her head, "What rank is he? Otto is a captain, you know, on one of the Kaiser's new submersibles."

"He's a Lieutenant." I blinked, filing what she had said away. "In the Royal Navy Reserves."

"Oh, of course you know that means he's not an actual Lieutenant." Samantha sniffed, "He's simply a backup, Otto has a career in the Kaiser's navy you know, he's not an understudy." I felt myself beginning to glare at her, when she spoke again. "Come along, Your Highness, I think it's about time we rejoined our guests." The two swanned off, laughing loudly and even slipping into some German as they left.

Liz emerged a few minutes later, although she took one look at me and stopped. "Anastasia, what's wrong?"

"What isn't wrong here?" I snorted, taking her arm. "Whores chasing after your brother and Will, German aristocrats looking down their noses at us, not to mention the mere presence of the Reichsters." We had gained the ballroom by then, and I cast about for Will. The crowd was dense though, and I was still trying to find him when I felt someone reach out and clasp my wrist. An older man, his eyes alight, was standing there. I stared at him as I tried to jerk my hand away, "Excuse me, sir."

"How much?" He grinned, not letting my wrist go. In fact he drew his fingers down to mine, bringing them up to kiss. "Tell me that bastard Perry isn't making you charge too much, I didn't bring a lot in my billfold tonight." He cast a quick glance over at Liz, "Although I'm sure you two would be willing to take it on credit, I'll be returning many times, I promise."

"You're forgetting yourself." I growled, pulling my hand back. "We are not like those women."

"Ah, an even finer prize then." He stepped forward. "I knew Perry was bringing in some higher class girls, but I thought he wasn't going to parade them around just yet." I watched him grin, "God, you really must be something if he's showing you off." I had to control my own grin as I saw someone approaching from behind him, although he barely turned as he addressed the newcomer. "You can wait your turn for this one, take her gold friend there for the first round and we can trade."

"If ye don't leave right now," Will growled, the Scots heavy in his voice. "Then ye will be leavin' without yer teeth." The man turned, took in the sight of a glowering Scotsman with his hand on his sword, and rightly fled the scene. Will turned stiffly to Liz, "I'm terribly sorry about that, Miss Vanderbilt. I saw him speaking to Perry and knew there was some mischief going on, I should have gotten here quicker."

Liz ducked her head, her cheeks a flaming red. "He was quite rude."

"Again, my deepest apologies. I can see your brother, I'll leave you in his care to recover from that." Will took both our hands, leaving Liz and Oscar in a corner as she rapidly told him what had happened. Will found us our own corner to speak, taking my hands in his. "I wanted to kill that man, Ana. Right there, just kill him."

"Oh Will," I shook my head, "Don't even worry about him. What happened while we were gone?"

"Sophie's brother, Otto, he kept coming at me." He sighed, dropping his head. "Wanted to know which ship I was assigned to, how I'd managed to get such a long leave to stay here. Once I told him I was in the Reserves, he laughed." His fingers tightened around my hands, "Said that I was just a merchantman playing at being a sailor. That I wasn't worthy of the uniform, was taking another man's spot. A man who deserved it."

"Don't listen to him Will, he's just jealous." I watched as he lifted his head, "The Royal Navy is so much better than his own, you know that."

Will grinned, "Oh I do, and I told him so. I also told him that I got my commission through my skill, not buying it." I laughed at that, and Will even chuckled. "He was rather put out, although Frederich said something to him in German and they went off." He looked out, his face falling. "What do you want?" I turned, looking at what had disturbed him so.

Zachary stood before us with Sophie on his arm, staring up at him adoringly. "I was actually wondering if you might like to trade fiancées for the next song, Mr. Murdoch."

"No, I would not." Will didn't even look over, his eyes still on me.

"I know you're adjusting to society, but it is considered rather rude to monopolize a lady's dance card." Zachary's voice had lost any charm, although Sophie hardly seemed to notice the venom that had entered it.

"She is my fiancée, and I will be the one dancing with her." With that, Will turned his back on the couple, leading me onto the dance floor. He barely looked at me, looking out in the crowd as we turned and strode around to the music. I gave his hand a squeeze, "What, Ana?"

"You could look at me, you know." I raised an eyebrow, "Or are you wishing you were dancing with her?"

"No, dear God no." He chuckled, finally looking at me. "I just noticed that they went to the Vanderbilts, we may have to mount a rescue in a moment." As soon as the music ended, that was what we did.

Oscar was standing partly in front of Liz, "I'm sorry Zachary, but she already promised me the next waltz."

"Oh, but surely you'd do me the honor?" Sophie batted her eyelashes, "I've been dying to dance with you all night."

"Oscar, you enjoying yourself?" Will gave a crooked smile at Oscar's rather visible distress.

Liz spoke up, "Zachary, don't tell me you've lost your touch and that's why Her Highness wants my brother to partner her."

I watched him flush, "Hardly Liz, but I have told her how talented Oscar is. She simply wants to see it for herself."

Sophie extended her hand, the diamonds on her ring flashing in the light. "Please, Mr. Vanderbilt, I really do want to dance with you."

"Your Highness," Oscar took her hand, glancing down. "My word, that ring, I had not seen it so closely before." Ignoring the way Sophie was preparing to preen, he turned to Zachary. "Did you have to get it resized? You know Anastasia has such delicate fingers, I would think you had bought her size when you thought you had your chance with her."

Sophie's hand went rigid in his grasp. "Zaza, what is he saying?"

"Oh," Oscar laughed, "He didm't tell you? He's been after Miss Dalian here," He nodded to me, "For years. Sending gifts, claiming dances, oh he tried everything. It was only after April that he proposed." He grinned at an extremely red Zachary, "But, she turned him down. She'd already found the one for her. But, why buy a new ring, right Zachary? It works well enough for your second choice."

"Don't listen to him dear," Zachary said, collecting Sophie and moving away. "He's obviously been drinking, you know you're the only one for me." Our little group watched him move off, the two of them approaching his parents in a conversation that seemed rather intense. Eventually Samantha led Sophie off to the side of the room, spoke to her for a moment, and brought her back over.

"I wonder what she said." Liz muttered, "Although I doubt it was anything in our favor. Why did you bait her like that?"

Oscar snorted, "Please, Liz, I am as reluctant to dance with her as you are to dance with him."

"I am sorry about that, I think they came to you after I refused him." Will at least had the decency to look a little chagrined. "I'll buy you a whiskey later."

"Speaking of drinks," I sighed, looking at my empty glass. "I could use another one, care to come with, Oscar?"

Liz immediately joined me, "Oh, I am dying for a drink. Would you mind terribly, Mr. Murdoch?"

"No, no. Go get your drinks." Will shook his head, looking out at the room. "I'll keep an eye on those two, don't worry about it." Our trio made its way to the where some footmen were tending to an elaborate bar, each getting a drink. Oscar only allowed himself a slight drop of whiskey in his glass, smothering it with soda water. I had a glass of champagne, and bid the two of them farewell as I started back towards Will.

I had just gotten close to him, shadowed by Oscar who still had an eye on Liz, when I noticed Zachary had sidled up to the crowd of men that Will had apparently been speaking to, Otto Metternich among them and growing redder and redder by the moment. I hung back, listening as Will and Otto once again lit into each other. I could hardly follow some of the technical talk, but from what I could gather Will had insulted him previously by saying that the Imperial German Navy was simply a crude copy of the Royal Navy and Otto was extremely displeased by it. His small pointed mustaches almost quivered with rage as he spat something at Will, who snapped back with a reply that caused Otto's face to grow redder.

During a pause, Zachary tried to regain the crowd's attention and gestured out to the dance floor, where Mr. Reichster was currently spinning Sophie around in a waltz, the ruby peacock around her throat glittering in the light. "Isn't she a vision? I'm sure she'll give me some beautiful sons, how could she not? What do you all think?"

"If you're lucky they'll actually be yours, and not your half-brothers." Will's voice was flat, and ignoring the startled gasps of some of the crowd, he turned on his foot and strode off, not giving Zachary a chance to respond. I followed Will through the crowd, finally catching him behind a pillar. He looked exhausted, although he grinned when I took his hand. "I hate it here."

"Then maybe we should have one last dance and leave." I stepped closer to him, whispering. "I heard what you said. God Will, he must be furious."

"I don't care," Will leaned down, "I only was next to him so that I could keep my eyes on the both of them while you went to get a drink. And that brother of her's, I want to bash his nose in too. He didn't seem to care for what I said either."

"I care Will," I cast a look around, and quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Now, one last dance and then we'll head out. And I'll show you how much I care back home." It was a polka that the band was playing, and Will proved himself more than capable of keeping up as we danced.

We had barely stepped off the floor when Otto approached, his face still flushed. "Lieutenant Murdoch, if I might have a moment of your time."

"I'm sorry Captain Metternich, but I am going to take my fiancée home right now." Will grasped my hand tightly, "Perhaps another time."

"Or perhaps now." Otto spun around as we stepped past him, his hand moving as if to hold a pommel that wasn't there. "I should hate for this to cause an incident between our countries, you know I must make a report of your comments to my commander."

"An incident?" Will barked, stepping up to him. "Why the bloody hell would me setting you straight about your damn Kaiser be an incident?"

Otto scuttled back, followed by Will. "You are a representative of your country, are you not?" I had just made to follow them when I felt a hand slip around my wrist, holding me in place.

"Anastasia, I haven't had the chance to speak to you all night." Henry Reichster, looming behind me, spoke softly. It didn't matter that the ballroom was filled with loud and laughing couples, or that the room was warm, I could hear every word he said and it sent a chill down my spine. "I also haven't had the chance to offer my congratulations in person. Come along, there's an office nearby. We can speak there."

I stared after Will, wishing he could hear my thoughts as I begged him to come back. His face was red though as he sparred with Otto, and a crowd had gathered around them. I cast about for Oscar, but he was almost holding back Zachary as he tried to get around him to speak to Liz. Sophie and Samantha were nowhere to be seen. I tried to tug out of Mr. Reichster's grip, "No, I will not speak to you."

"My dear," He gave a vicious pull, sending me stumbling into him. "It was not a request." He had my arms in his, pulling me with him as he made his way out of the ballroom. I struggled, I called for Will, but it was loud in the ballroom and he was stronger. The band was blasting away at a fast rag, and I could barely hear myself think let alone anyone around us. When someone cast a glance towards us, he shrugged. "She's had too much tonight, I'm taking her to a room where she can recover until the end of the ball. Maybe get her some coffee."

"Ah, that's awfully kind of you, Henry." The lady said, sneering at me as he pulled me away. I only managed to place her when we got through the door, it had been Daisy, one of the whores from earlier. None of the servants even batted an eye as he made his way through the empty hallways, pulling open a door and dragging me inside. It was only after the lock clicked that he let go of my wrist and I scrambled away. It was dark, and I bumped into more than one piece of furniture as I tried to find someway out of the place.

Mr. Reichster appeared unconcerned, slowly turning on each and every light to reveal a massive desk and a number of leather chairs scattered around the room. "There's no use in running, it's just the one door."

"Don't you fucking touch me." I spat, shifting so that I always had something between us as he began to approach. "You're a monster. A fucking bastard!"

"I told you I was done playing nice." He stepped closer, "And you rejected my gift, I was truly hurt by that. I had selected it just for you."

"Not hurt enough not to give it to your soon to be daughter-in-law. Did you make her the same offer you made me?"

He snorted, "She's pretty, I'll give her that, but her head is full of feathers." His voice was low as he threw the chair I was behind aside, "Now you, at least you can hold a proper conversation."

I lunged backward, bashing my shoulders against a bookcase. It did little good, he closed the distance and was up against me in a second. I leaned away as he brought his face towards me, "I thought you said women were only made to warm your bed."

"Oh, they are." He laughed, his hands bringing my wrists up above my head. "But at least you can talk about things other than the sheep in the fields by Berlin. By God, she always goes back to those damn sheep. It's that or talking about gowns and jewels. And speaking of gowns," Despite my struggling he could still hold my wrists with one hand, letting his other one play at the neckline of my dress. "Christ, I've been hard since you walked in. I'm practically throbbing now. Wherever did you get this dress? I'll have to order one for Samantha."

"Mr. Reichster-"

The hand on my neckline pulled away, his arm cocked back. "What did I tell you last time?"

I cringed, looking away from him. "Henry, please. Please let me go. My fiancé will be looking for me. How will it look if he finds me here, with you? Just let me go, it won't be good for either of us."

"It will be good for me," He muttered, yanking my wrists away from the bookcase and catching me about the waist. "You'll enjoy it too, I can see to that." I was begging by that point, trying to stop as he kept pulling me towards the desk. He stopped once to shake me, like a dog, his hand curling around my shoulder hard enough I thought it might bruise. "Stop that, you know it won't do you any good. If you behave I'll see to you after."

I kicked at his shin at that, stomping with my feet at anything I could reach. "I won't stop! I won't! I'm not just going to lay back and let you rape me!"

"Fine then," He threw me then, my stomach slamming into the desk as I caught myself against it. I was trying to get my breath back when I felt his hand on the back of my neck, pushing me down. "I'll just have you bent over like this, I'm sure you've let your sailor take you like this a hundred times." I vainly tried to swing at him with my arms, but it was like trying to hit a target in the dark. The hand on my neck slipped to the front, squeezing my throat. "I don't want to hurt you, Anastasia, but I will. Just lay there, spread your legs, and be a good girl."

I was crying by then, as I felt his other hand slip down, pulling my skirt up. "Henry, please, don't do this. Don't." My pleas did nothing to stop him though, my skirt draped around my hips as he let his hand run down my backside. "Don't touch me, please. Please." But he was pushing my thighs apart, and I knew his hand only left them to open his trousers. "No, no please."

"Shhh, Anastasia." He said, his fingers returning to my hips. "Just be quiet. I'll take care of you if that sailor leaves you, you know that." I almost heard him smile, "Although he's probably used to sharing his ladies with other men, no doubt he's been to one of Perry's places during his trips here. His establishments are very popular with widowers, you know. Maybe we can have a night there, you and I. You'd be quite the prize. Could clear a thousand a night, at least Perry thinks so. I have to admit, I'd be curious to see what you'd bring." He leaned over me then, his chest against my back as he settled his weight onto me. "God, why the devil are you wearing these combinations? It makes it so much more difficult." His hand dropped between my thighs, fumbling the buttons open to free what he was after. "Ah, there we are. Oh, don't close them my dear, I want to feel you."

My head was pressed to the desk, my eyes squeezed as tight as I could make them and I was praying that Will wouldn't leave me if this happened, if I was ruined. I had been such a fool, I should have just bedded him in Southampton. I should have married him before we came back. I should have done a thousand things to have had Will take me, before this. I should have just laid back when he was drunk, it would have been better than this.

Instead I would be ruined, I might not even make it home. He could lock me in here and keep me for his pleasure. Maybe he'd give me to Zachary, and then let Sophie's brothers take their turns. Just another gift to them for bringing their sister over. A present for Otto, a chance to get back at the British sailor who angered him tonight. I was contemplating my doom while he stroked at my thighs, seemingly entranced by the feel of them with his hands beginning to push them open, when the first thud sounded.

"The hell?" Mr. Reichster looked up, as did I. The door was shivering in its frame, and it barely had time to rest before another massive blow struck it. It jumped, the lock fracturing the wood slightly. It only took one more kick for it to be thrown inward, a figure stepping though. His face was furious, his eyes cold and distant as he took in what he saw. I had never before seen a man who had lost any compassion that he had had, who's only thought was murder.

Will, in the soft light, looked nothing short of a savior to me as he stepped forward. His sword was in his hand, his shoe scuffed from where he had been kicking the door. I saw the gold on his cuffs gleam in the light as he lifted the sword, his voice barely restrained. "I swore that if you came near her again I would kill you." Despite the anger I could almost feel rolling off him, his sword was level, the point unmoving.

"You did, and then you let her parade into my house dressed as a whore. You can't be surprised that I might want to taste what was being offered. Something that I've tasted before, but still so sweet." Mr. Reichster's hand lifted me by my hair, his other one busy with his trousers as he buttoned back up. "You practically placed her on a platter for me, thank you for that. Anticipation makes the eventual reward all the better."

"Let her go." Will moved closer to the desk, circling around it.

"Or what? You'll kill me? Those fifteen hundred souls may not rest entirely on you, but are you so eager to add more to your count?" Mr. Reichster seemed content to use me as a shield, moving back and holding me in front of him.

"If it's yours, then yes. I'd be doing everyone a favor."

"Yes, I'm sure dear Anastasia here would love to see you hang for it." At that he let one hand run down my face, and seeing Will glare even further, dropped it down my bodice. He kneaded my breast as he spoke. "Did she tell you what happened that day? How she moaned my name and spread her legs for me? How she wrapped them around me and begged me to take her right there on the parlor table?"

"He's lying, Will!" I barely managed to get it out before that massive hand clamped down over my mouth, his other crushingly tight on my waist.

I could see Will's eyes flicker for a moment, his voice deadly calm. "I know he is Ana."

"You really need to train her better, she's been cursing like a sailor since I brought her in. Although perhaps you like her rough." Mr. Reichster laughed, his hand slipping for just a moment. It was all the opportunity I needed as I bit into his finger as hard as I could, and when he pulled his hand away with a snarl I ducked, trying to get out of his grasp. His other hand around my waist was still there though, so I was bent over when I heard him gasp in pain. The hand dropped, and me with it.

I scrambled away on the floor, not looking up until I was behind Will's feet. The first thing I noticed was Will's face, his brow furrowed and his eyes flashing as he almost snarled at Mr. Reichster. The second thing I noticed was his sword, buried in Mr. Reichster's shoulder, blood seeping from the wound slowly. Will held his eye as he twisted it slightly, "This won't kill you, and as much as I want to, I won't end you tonight." The sword twisted again, Mr. Reichster shrinking away from the pain of it. "But you are done being around her. If she's at a party, you leave. If you see her in the park, you leave. If you see her on the street, you get in a cab and go." The sword slowly withdrew, leaving the older man grasping his shoulder as Will stepped up, the point now at his neck. "Or I will finish this. And if you let a word slip of what you have tried to do, or if you try to put it on her in any way, I will arrange for you to disappear." Will waved his sword slightly, "Clean it, use your handkerchief."

Mr. Reichster stared at him as he pulled the scrap of fabric from a pocket, dabbing at his own blood on the blade. "You're hiring assassins now?"

"Anastasia is fortunate to have the love of a good many people, who are willing to help." Will didn't pull the blade away once it was clean, "And so many get lost at sea." He held it on him as he helped me up, putting me behind him as he slowly backed away. "It was a damn shame that you survived that night and her father didn't. A goddamn shame." With that he swung the door shut, his sword still out as he led me through the hallways. We had almost gained the ballroom when he stopped short. "Oscar, why the Hell weren't you watching her?"

Oscar was currently holding Liz, who looked distressed as she wrung her hands. "Perhaps because Zachary was trying to proposition my sister on the dance floor! Asking her how much for a night? Telling her that he knew a friend who could see her earn good money?" Liz gave a little cry at that, burying her face in her hands. "I had a damn more important matter to attend to, besides when last I saw Anastasia she was at your side!"

"All it took was five minutes!" Will shifted his grip on the sword, the handle almost like a fist as he brought it up. "Five minutes and he hauled her away and had her bent over a desk! Christ, he had her dress up when I kicked my way in!"

Oscar winced, but did not look away from Will. "And I'm sorry for that, and glad that you got her out of there. But Liz is my sister, William." He breathed out, his body falling in on itself. "My sister, treated like a whore in front of everyone."

"Ah, damn it." The sword slid back into its scabbard, a soft shush of metal against leather. "I'm sorry Oscar, for that." Will reached over, clapping him on the shoulder. "And for my anger. It seems we were both targets. Or they were."

Oscar snorted out a small laugh, "Perhaps it would be for the best if we just never spoke of this night again."

"I can agree to that." Liz sniffed, rubbing at her nose with a handkerchief. "Let's just leave."

"Yes," I was only stopped from wrapping my arms around myself by Will coming back to my side, his arm around me as he led me out. We didn't even wait for the carriage to come to the front of the house, walking across the street to get into it. I almost wanted to grab my wrap from the floor, to cover myself and hide away. Instead I sat, bent over. "You were right Will, we never should have gone."

The carriage started slowly, and Will moved closer to me. "No, we should not. Ana, my poor sweet Ana." He collected me to him like I was a child, wrapping me in his arms. "I should not have been baited, but to have him insult my country. He said that it was no wonder the Germans would overtake us, if Britain relied on men such as me." He shook his head, "He insulted me, asked me why I could be considered for naval service when I'm nothing but a common tar. He said I was unworthy of my rank, that I was not enough of a man to wear my sword." I felt him sigh against me. "I should have stayed by you and ignored him."

"I'm sorry you had to hear him say those things." I pressed myself closer to him, "Otto and Mr. Reichster."

He was quiet for a moment. "Did you really say his name that day?"

"Yes, but only to trick him."

Another moment of silence as he considered it. "What about wrapping your legs around him?"

"No Will, I've never done that."

He moved forward in the seat, patting his lap. "Why not try it now?" It took some creative movement, and pulling a good deal of my skirt up due to how tight it was, but I eventually had my legs wrapped around his waist. His arms were tight around my back, holding me flush to him. We were perfectly aligned below the waist, and he shut his eyes for a moment as I settled onto him. When they opened again, they were dark. "When we're married, I'm going to take you like this. I'm going to take you every way that he tried to, so when you are in that position again you think of me, and not him."

"Take me now, Will." I breathed, dropping my head to his shoulder. "The entire time I was cursing myself for not letting you take me that night, that my first time would have been him, holding me down on his desk. I want it to be with you."

"Ana," Will sighed, one hand wrapping itself in my hair and the other rubbing the small of my back. "Your mother would not want her grandchild to be conceived in a carriage." I heard him chuckle, "And I doubt the coachman would appreciate it."

"Will," I gasped, falling against his shoulder. "Please, please, please." That dissolved into shudders and sobs against his shoulder as he held me close, rocking me slightly as he held me. It took a good deal of time for me to be able to speak again, and he brushed his handkerchief across my face. "Please, please don't tell Mother. I don't want anyone to know."

"I won't." He dabbed at my face, "The only ones who will know are those who were there. And if he talks," Will grabbed my chin, holding my gaze. "I will kill him, Ana. No matter what you want, or what you think should happen, I will kill him. He's deserved to die a dozen times over, but he's on his last chance now."

I stared into his eyes, the blue deep and sincere as he gazed back. "I'll hold you to that then, although you may have to fight Ezekiel for the honor."

"Who else did you think would be helping me?"

Chapter Text

Mother didn't say much when I spent the next week sailing with Will or swimming in the cove. Liz and Oscar joined us in the cove one day, although Liz had a harder time of keeping up with me. I spun over onto my back, content to simply float for awhile. She was treading water, her head barely above the surface. I laughed, "Just lay back and wave your arms to keep you up, it's much easier."

"It's easier if you're half fish." She complained, although she managed to get herself onto her back without drowning. "Are you and Will sailing the yacht to town in the morning?"

"Yes, we want to get in early, especially since the Astors want us to stop by before the regatta and the races." I sighed, dreading having to wake up early the next day. It seemed we had barely gotten to Newport and already the season was ending, the races the last event of the summer. And the Anastasia had her sea trials coming up, we had to be back to the city soon. Although it would mean Moody would be coming back, I'd already wired to let him know he was perfectly welcome to stay in the dock house until the officer's quarters on the ship were ready. It would be good to see him again, I'd like to see him happy. He'd already been through so much, I would do what I could to help him.

Liz blew water from her lips, "You're joining us for the big race though, right?"

"Oscar would kill me if we didn't." I rolled my eyes, shutting them briefly as the sun was very bright today. Our mothers had sworn us to no more than an hour out in the water, but Will and Oscar had not gotten such restrictions. Oscar was currently diving as far down as he could, seeing if he could find any shells on the sandy floor, while Will was content to swim laps around the cove, using the waves to assist him. I watched him greedily, he developed a bit of a tan during our stay and watching his strong arms propel him through the surf was a delight that I would never tire of. I sighed, "I don't suppose you've heard anything about our newly engaged friend?"

"They'll be there," She muttered, "Although it will just be him, her and her brothers. Samantha is staying home to take care of her husband, he was mugged and received a rather nasty wound while defending himself." She looked to me, winking broadly. "At least that's what Mother said."

I couldn't help the grin on my face, "I take it you didn't tell her?"

"Anastasia, you know she gossips like a mother hen." She snorted, "So no, I did not tell her that William came running up with a bloody sword drawn while he cursed at Oscar about leaving you." She waited for a moment, her voice softening. "What happened though? You don't have to tell, if it's too much."

"It wasn't good," I allowed, my words halting. "If Will hadn't shown up, we probably wouldn't be able to be out here right now."

"Jesus Christ." Liz spat, returning to treading water instead of floating. "Come on, don't think about it anymore. I shouldn't have asked, let's just enjoy the last bit of time we have."

I followed her, "Race you to the lighthouse?"

"I stopped racing you when I was fourteen." She shook her head, but began pulling for it. I followed, trying to let her have a bit of a lead, making sure that I could see her black swimming costume through the water. She was so slow though, and I was getting tossed about a bit trying to let her win. So I began pulling harder, overtaking her just before we reached the rocks by the lighthouse. Liz clutched one, "You just couldn't help yourself, could you?"

"Well, if you would just swim right." I grinned, "Want to race back?"

"Hardly, I'll be walking." Liz let go of her rock, gently swimming to the shore and climbing out. I kept pace with her in the water as she strolled back to where our parents were, Mr. and Mrs. Vanderbilt enjoying a cold drink with Mother under an umbrella while the younger lot enjoyed themselves.

I made a very inelegant burble as someone caught my ankle, pulling me beneath the water. I opened my eyes, ignoring the stinging from the sea water as I cast around. I looked down, Will looking up at me with a grin on his face. He had let my ankle go though, and I gained the surface to gratefully take in a gasp of air. I waited for him to surface, shaking the water from his hair. "You could have warned me."

"But then it wouldn't have been as fun." He smiled, backstroking beside me as we made our way in. "You didn't want to walk with Liz?"

"We're leaving soon, I want to swim as much as I can." I rolled over onto my own back, enjoying the sun and not so subtly putting myself available for Will's gaze. "It's not exactly like I can just for an afternoon swim in New York harbor, not like I can here."

"It has been pleasant." He sighed, his eyes growing rather distant. I smiled, remembering how he had been by my side practically the entire time since the party. He'd taught me a great deal more about the yacht, enough that Mother was trusting us to take it to town in the morning while she took the carriage. When we'd had callers he'd stayed with me, always ready to speak if someone began asking about the Reichster's party. It was only after the first caller had brought it up that he had noticed I had begun to shake, he had simply took my hand and mentioned that we had gone to it. I couldn't bring myself to say anything on it, the first night I had wanted Will by my side so badly I had begged Peggy to allow it.

She had shaken her head, "It's not done Miss, especially not with your Mother being so close."

"What if he's just in the sitting room?" I had looked at myself in the mirror, closely looking for any bruises on my shoulders or throat. "Surely she can't be mad about that."

"It's one door between your sitting room and your bed," Peggy, her brown hair caught up, had snapped. "And you never close that door."

I had dropped my gaze, hoping that I could lie my way out of this. "Peggy, all that party did was bring up memories about Father. I can feel it, lurking like some monster waiting for me." At that point I had turned, holding her eye as I ticked them off on my fingers. "I can only see three things happening tonight. I wake up screaming and the entire house heard me, Will joins me for the night to keep me calm, or I go down to the kitchen and drink the brandy that I know the cook keeps there."

Her face had screwed up then, and she had left my room muttering. It was only a few minutes later that she had returned, Will in tow behind her. Her voice had been firm, "He stays in the sitting room, and once she is asleep you," She turned to Will, "Are going to leave. If Reggie does not find you sound asleep in your bed in the morning, oh I don't know what I shall do but it shall not be pleasant in the slightest." Her muttering had continued as she had left, but Peggy needn't have worried. All I wanted was for Will to hold me, to whisper sweetly in my ear as I fell asleep. I had actually managed to sleep a full night, and after spending so much time with Will this week, it had made what had happened seem like a distant memory. It could have happened years ago, rather than days.

I shook myself from my reverie, feeling the sand against my back. Will held out a hand, helping me to my feet. I stumbled into him, "Oops."

His hands were firm on my hands, "I know you didn't trip."

"Well, it's only been the once you didn't catch me." I smiled up at him, taking his hand as we strolled up the beach. "And in that case, catching me would not have been for the best."

"No, it would not have been." He shook his head, and holding out a towel that had been brought out to the umbrella. Liz was already ensconced in one, and I let Will wrap mine around my shoulders as I took a seat. He nodded to our guests, "I am looking forward to tomorrow, Richard."

"More like you're looking forward to embarrassing Otto Metternich." Mr. Vanderbilt laughed, "He's brought his own yacht over from Kiel, won a race there and he won't shut up about it."

Will snorted, "Believe me, you've nothing to fear from him."

"It sounds as if he's got a deal to fear from you though." Mrs. Vanderbilt grinned over her drink, "I heard the two of you had quite the argument at the party last week."

"Let's just say that Otto believes his own press a bit too much." Will shrugged, snagging his own drink from the table. "We'll be arriving early tomorrow, the Astors want us to stop by and we figured it would be best to see them before we have our race."

"Have you hired a hand for it?" Oscar said, running his hand through his hair to get it out of his face. "I could lend you one."

"You're looking at her." Will gestured to me, smiling broadly. I couldn't help the flush on my face, although I managed to not duck my head. "Anastasia has been a very astute student these past few weeks, I have no doubt she'll do me proud."

That had caused a bit of a hush among them, although Mother shook her head. "And I have no doubt you'll leave the four other boats you'll be facing far behind you."

"Only four?" Will frowned a bit, "The Dependable could stand some better competition."

"Then you should have joined us fifteen years ago." Mother sighed, "That was right before the craze for the larger boats began, Gareth came in twelfth that year. He had a better showing after the other families sold their smaller boats."

"Yes, he came in third out of seven one year." I chuckled, remembering how proud he had been that year. "He bought all of us, his small crew included, a bottle of champagne each to celebrate."

"I can't promise champagne," Will reached over for my hand, "But I can promise to do my best."

"Don't do your best too much, William." Mr. Vanderbilt had a rather jolly glow to him, the result of a number of drinks. "We might have need of you, and I will gladly buy every single hand champagne if we win."

"I'll hold you to that." Oscar spoke up, grinning. "I'd rather you buy it than me."

The edge of dawn was barely breaking over the sea when Louise gently shook me awake. I watched the sun come up while huddling over a cup of coffee, the sky slowly turning from gray to the slightest yellow, the clouds gilded and pink as the sun slowly rose over the waves. The light outside was still weak as Louise helped me into my sailor style dress, the same one from the launch. I was hoping it would bring us luck, the launch had gone well and hopefully the race would too. I'd clapped my forget-me-not hat to my head as well, again hoping for luck. Will was already in a lightweight suit in the hallway, and we made our way quietly downstairs.

Peggy was waiting with a large wicker basket by the door, "I wanted to send you two off with some breakfast, there's fruit and rolls with butter and honey packed. I also threw in a blanket, it's a bit chilly this morning."

Will gripped it in one hand, "Thank you Peggy, I'm sure it will be delicious."

"Good luck today, Mr. Murdoch. We're all pulling for you downstairs." She sent us off with a smile, although I was not smiling as I stumbled my way through the yard and into the sand in the dark. Will chuckled softly to hear me cursing as he helped me down to the dock, stowing the picnic basket below deck in the sparse cabin that served as home for extended voyages.

I'd never used it.

"Let us loose and raise the sheet." Will ordered, striding to the wheel. After some practice it had gotten easier for me to haul the lines in from the dock and arrange the sail to his liking. Soon he had us scudding out past the lighthouse, the seas calm and placid beneath us as we began to sail towards the city. I found my preferred place up in the bow, leaning against the rail and watching the yacht drop and rise with each wave. The sea spray was rather cold on my cheeks, so I turned back to look at him.

William Murdoch, my Will, looked so handsome at that moment I said a silent prayer of thanks for having met him. With his jacket discarded to free his arms, his shirt rolled up past his wrists and his blue eyes shining in the morning light, it was as if I had never truly seen him before this moment. I had never seen the half grin on his face, one side of his mouth quirked up as the wheel moved smoothly under his strong grip. I had never noticed the way he breathed in deeply as the spray came at him, his feet sure on the deck. He seemed to consider something for a moment, leaving the wheel and approaching the mast. He quickly had the lines sorted out, curling them up as he worked them.

After hauling the sheet in, Will dropped the small anchor at the port bow and the yacht quietly rocked on the waves. It was a smooth day though, so there was hardly any movement of the deck as he came across it to me. There was a bit of a breeze though, and I kept my hand to my hat as he approached. I smiled up at him, "Will, why are we stopping? We're supposed to meet everyone over at the city."

"And everyone else is at least an hour behind us." He grinned, holding out a hand. "An hour by ourselves Ana, my God, what I would give for two alone with you. I can't help myself it seems, not when I've got you to myself. We'll have to be quick."

I let him pull me up, pressing myself flush to him. I almost moaned at the feeling of him, strong and firm under me and his hands immediately gripping my rear to hold me tight. "God Will, is this what it's going to be for a whole year until the wedding? Hardly an hour spent pleasuring each other before we have to go back to being all proper? I mean, we've been able to get away with some things, but the time. We've had no time." In response his lips crashed into mine, his tongue insistent as he began pulling me to the small cabin below. I was as bad as he was, moaning into the kiss as I worked the buttons of his shirt off. He broke off for a moment, unbuttoning his waistcoat before rushing back up against me. I didn't pull his clothes off, simply running my hand over his tanned skin below the light cotton of his shirt. I groaned as I felt him begin to ruck up my skirt, "Leave it on, we won't have enough time if you try and get my dress off."

"God Ana, all I want right now is your breasts." He complained, but he turned to the picnic basket and pulled the blanket from it, spreading it over the hard floor before he lowered me down. I pulled him down on top of me, letting him push my skirt and petticoat up around my waist even as he pushed two fingers into me. I moaned, pressing my hands to his chest as he leaned over me, his voice thick with lust. "Ana, you're so tight and wet. Christ, you're so hot."

"Can't you just put it in me, just for a bit?" I wrapped my hands around his shoulders, my hips bucking against his fingers. "Just pull out before you finish. God Will, I've wanted you so badly. I want you in me, right now." I wanted him to claim me, to make me his, get rid of this damned virginity. I wanted it to be his, and it was only by the grace of God that it hadn't gone to Mr. Reichster.

"Ana, I wouldn't last a minute." He slipped another finger in, his eyes dark as I groaned loudly. I'd never felt this stretched, it was almost painful but I wanted more. I wanted him, all of him, and I whimpered as he curled his fingers in me, stroking. His voice was strained as he bucked his hips against me. "I won't last long now, I want you hand so badly."

"Christ Will, you're stretching me so much." I keened, feeling him pump his fingers into me, curling them. "I want more. You've got to be bigger than this, just take me Will."

I watched his other hand dip into his trousers, rubbing at himself. He rubbed his thumb against the spot that I loved so much, "Keep talking Ana, fuck, keep talking."

"I've wanted you in my bed every night." I panted, wishing I could shed my corset and dress. "I've wanted to, agh, suck your cock until you beg me for mercy. To spend an entire afternoon on my knees for you. Will, please." It was building in me, the heat and tension that heralded a complete and utter bliss. "I wanted to ride you in the carriage, I want you inside me, Will. I want all of you, I want you to have all of me. I want to feel you come in me."

"Don't stop, Ana," He grunted, and I moved myself on the blanket so that I could reach him in his trousers. He shifted, freeing himself from the trousers and I wanted nothing more than to have this swollen, flushed instrument inside me. It wasn't exactly the most comfortable position for me as I pressed a kiss to the head of him, before continuing to pump him. His voice was hoarse, "Fuck, do you know how many times I've wanted to come over and just fuck you in your bed? God, you're so wet."

"What will it feel like Will, when you fuck me?" I bucked against his hand, thrashing my head as I felt a rush of heat speed through me. "Will it hurt?"

"To start, but I will do everything to prepare you." He started thrusting himself into my hand. "To get you as wet as you are right now. And the pain will only last a moment, and you'll be so hot and ready for me that it won't take any time for you to finish."

"And for you, ah fuck, Will. What will it be like for you?"

"Like your mouth, but better." He paused for a moment in my hand, "Ana, you need to move. I can't finish on your dress, they'll see it." What followed was a brief moment of confusion as we had to reposition ourselves onto the wood, where we could each finish without leaving any evidence. Will let loose a long moan as I returned to stroking him, "You'll be so tight, and wet. God Ana, you get so wet for me."

"Will you be gentle?" I gasped, grabbing his hand and pressing it to me. "I'm so close Will, so close."

"The first time," He grunted, pumping his fingers faster. "But who knows, if you want I can take you rough. Just bend you over your desk and mount you like a horse. It's not a bad time, and I'll push any memories of him away. You'll only remember me on you, fuck Ana. God, I want you that way so bad." The image of myself, bent over a desk with my skirt thrown up as Will thrust into me from behind flashed through my mind, and despite the both of us being mostly clothed in it, it made me moan with desire. He glanced down, his eyes barely open. "Oh, you want it rough. Don't you?"

"Fuck," I moaned, my hips shuddering as I met his fingers. I wanted it rough, I wanted him to pull my hair back and claim me, to make me his in every sense of the word. Will seemed to enjoy the way I was losing myself in it, my stomach clenching as the heat in me grew and grew. I came apart with a loud cry, even as he still pumped into me with his fingers. I felt him jump in my grasp as I did, a bit of his seed leaking from him. I turned my attention to him, giving voice to my thoughts. "I want you to take me until I scream, and fuck me through my screams. I want you to fuck me so hard I can't move after."

"Fuck Ana, God, you're a vision."

"I wanted to have your mouth on me the entire engagement party. I dreamed about throwing my skirt over your head before it."

"Ana, God Ana, I'm almost there." His eyes were shut, and he was thrusting himself quickly into my hand. I brought my other one around, caressing his sack and listening to him splutter curses as I did. It was only a moment before he finished, his seed falling to the deck in spurts as he sagged. His breathing was harsh as he brought his hands around, holding me close. "You're either an angel or a devil Ana to do this to me, but I hardly care which. God, I love you."

"I love you, Will." I shuddered in his arms, wishing we didn't have to leave this little bare room. "Do you want me to clean?"

"I'll get it, go pull the anchor and set the sheet. Point us to the west, we're fairly close. I'll be back up before we reach it." He groaned, tucking himself away. My feet were rather unsteady as I tried to stand, it took me a minute. God, it had been so good, but I felt so weak, like a newborn deer trying to stand. I kept one hand on the railing as I moved towards the bow, glad that the anchor was light enough that I could haul it up myself. Setting the sheet was simple after so many lessons from Will, and I had us tacking to the west at a good clip by the time Will emerged from down below. He had a napkin in his hand, which he leaned over and wrung out in the water. He looked back at me at the wheel, "You hardly need me anymore, do you?"

"Will, I will always need you." I chuckled, letting the wheel spin to allow us to catch the breeze, "Although I think have this in hand. I will need help when we get to the dock though."

"I can see the town coming up off the starboard bow, you'd better let me at the wheel or they'll start questioning everything they know."

"I'm going to be helping you on here during the race."

"Yes, but they don't know that." Will let his fingers linger on mine as he took the wheel, "And I would like to surprise them with your incredible skill."

Chapter Text

The Astors had not one yacht, but two tied up at the docks. One was clearly for racing, covered in hands adjusting lines and taking orders from the hired captain. The other was for leisure, it even had a set of steam engines to power it. That was where Will and I currently were, accepting an early morning drink from the servants bringing around trays of food and drink. I stuck to lemonade, as did Will. Champagne could be had after the race had been finished. Mrs. Astor was very pleased to see Will, she said exactly that. "Oh Mr. Murdoch, I am so pleased to see you here this morning. I was hoping to get your thoughts on the races later today. We'll be facing some stiff competition, what with the Vanderbilts and the Reichsters, not to mention that German yacht!"

"Well," He sipped his lemonade for a moment, "I cannot speak to the others, but you have my sincerest hope that you beat Metternich."

She laughed, "I think we're all hoping for that. That scene he caused at the Reichster's party! You'd think someone used to the court in Berlin would be better able to handle himself." Mrs. Astor shook her head, "You did not wear your uniform to bait him, I hope?"

"We didn't even know he was there." I smiled, "It was a surprise to us. I wasn't even aware Sophie had brothers."

Mrs. Astor leaned in to whisper, "Rest assured Anastasia, your William is by far the better looking man." I felt the blush on my face as she left us to circulate among the other guests on the yacht. I was the only woman wearing an actually appropriate dress, many of them seemed to feel that a regatta was a chance to show off their latest fashions, including a number of hobble skirts.

I couldn't help the snort I made as one woman slowly made her way past us, her skirt caught up so tight around her ankles that her steps were miniscule. It took her a long time to walk past. Will glanced aside at me, "Ana, don't tell me you've got one of those."

"Oh no, Will." I brought a hand up to cover the grin on my face, "I can't abide skirts that tight. I could barely walk if I wore them!"

I felt Will press his lips to my ear, his voice a bare whisper. "Good, because I would have a very difficult time lifting them back on the yacht." I must have been blushing like mad for he drew back and chuckled, even after I smacked his arm. God, it was almost infuriating the way he could excite me like that. But he refused to go all the way, no matter how much I begged him. I could understand his reasons, even if I felt I would go mad sometimes with how much I wanted him.

I leaned up, whispering into his ear. "Perhaps it's a good thing you're going out soon, otherwise I might just ravish you." He blushed at that, his hand finding my waist as we made our farewells and headed off the Astor's yacht. The docks were filled with society members swirling and flowing around the various yachts. The racing ones were popular, most of the men trying to show off their knowledge to impress anyone and everyone. But the biggest draws were the latest leisure yachts, the families trying to one up each other in terms of refreshments and luxury on display.

The Vanderbilt yacht was docked nearby, although I watched Will's face fall as he noted the yacht across from it. Evan Perry and his wife were laughing loudly onboard it, joined by a few other couples and a number of men tending to the lines and speaking quietly. He almost growled, "Damn him, why does he keep following us?"

I watched as Perry looked over, his eyes lingering for a moment too long on me. I grabbed Will's arm tighter, "Just ignore him, we're only here for a moment to say hello and then we have to get back for the race." There was an even larger yacht just down from them at the next berth, a scripted Wilhelmina written on her bow. I had no doubt this was the Metternich's yacht, currently only occupied by their crew that was studiously ignoring us.

"If he keeps looking at you I am throwing him overboard." Will glared at the man, only looking away as we made our way up the gangplank. The Vanderbilts had the hired hands of most of the other yachts, although Oscar was walking among them. He had disdained the suits that most of the other society men were wearing, opting for a simple shirt and a pair of trousers. I felt Will tense, even as he called out. "Oscar, what are you doing looking like a common tar?"

"William!" He stepped away from the sailors, grinning. "It's a bit hard to steer in tails, don't you think?"

"I've never tried." Will chuckled, shaking his hand as he came over. "You could stand to get a better berth though, your neighbors aren't quite trustworthy."

"You think he would try something?" Oscar cut his eyes over, his eyebrow raised. The Hudson Yacht Club was one of the most prestigious clubs in New York society, although at the moment I could very easily see Evan Perry gleefully sneaking over during the earlier races to sabotage the Gentilia while the others were distracted. Or perhaps he would send one of his men, to keep people's eyes off of him.

"I wouldn't put it past him, he kept going on about how he's been embarrassed over the past few years."

"I'll have a man keep an eye on everything while we watch the races before ours." Oscar said, and nodding left us to go speak to the sailors again. His parents and Liz were nowhere to be seen, more than likely they were wandering around as we were, greeting acquaintances and having polite and meaningless conversations. Will quickly swept me away from the Vanderbilt yacht, casting one last glare at Perry as he watched us leave.

The smaller ships would race first, leaving the larger ones for the afternoon. It meant that Will and I were off to work first, slipping away from the dock and slowly making our way to the beginning of the course. The four other small boats quickly followed, and we listened as the judge laid out the course for us, yelling through a bullhorn to be heard. It was a simple course, the places to turn were marked and the judge would be watching from his own boat, keeping track of any infractions that could affect the time. I looked to Will as we waited for the starting pistol. "Do you really think we have a shot?"

"I think we have a very good chance." He nodded, considering our competition for a moment before heading to the wheel. "Get the sheet set, and don't leave that spot until after the race. We're going to need to make adjustments during it." My hands had barely touched the line when the starting pistol cracked, and my fingers fairly flew as I began hauling it. The white canvas fluttered for a moment, soon bellying out as the wind filled it and we began to move. I didn't even have a chance to look back at the other boats, listening as Will called out for me to raise it more or lower it. The boat moved smoothly under his hands, heeling around the turns and coming back in but a moment.

In the end, it was hardly even a challenge. The second boat was a solid three minutes behind us as we crossed the end of the course, a polite round of applause rising from the other ships. The little races were hardly the big draw, although as we coasted back to our berth we were met by a small crowd. I could see Liz and Oscar, their parents behind them with Mother still clapping. There was also a figure in uniform by her, a navy jacket and peaked cap. As we got closer I recognized Moody, looking distinctly uneasy in his new Dalian uniform. I had to look away though, concentrating on throwing the lines over and getting them secured to the dock. Will, coming down from the helm, called out happily to them. "James! My God, what are you doing here?"

Moody glanced up, then to the side at Mother. "I got into New York yesterday, and Mrs. Dalian had a ticket waiting for me to come up."

"He is one of your friends, Mr. Murdoch." Mother laughed, "I thought to at least show him a little of our hospitality, rather than bundling him off onto the ship immediately." Will held out his hand to help me across to the dock, coming over right behind me. I was surprised as Mother embraced him, "Oh, this is simply wonderful William. Gareth would have been so excited. Oh, I simply must do something for you."

Will briefly hugged her back, "You've brought Moody up, I think that's enough."

"Hardly." She shook her head, turning to the Vanderbilts. "What do you all think would be an appropriate award?"

Liz rolled her eyes up, briefly tapping her chin. "Perhaps a new sword?" That drew a laugh from the others, myself included. I couldn't help but cast my eyes around, seeing all of them happy and content, but something caught me. James was looking at Liz, his eyes wide as he stared at her. I watched as she tossed her head, her brown hair flying out in the breeze as she laughed, her eyes catching on Moody for a moment. It was only a second before she looked away, but I did see a slight blush on her cheeks.

"If he wins the latter race for me, I'll see that he gets a dozen." Mr. Vanderbilt laughed, starting to lead our small group away, back to the pavilions set up along the harbor to provide shade for those not racing.

Will fell into step beside James, "You didn't have to wear the uniform, you know."

"I," Moody adjusted his collar for a moment, "I didn't want to appear disorderly in front of Mrs. Dalian." He looked over to me, "Or you, Miss Dalian. I am not aware of what is worn to one of these, and I thought that the uniform would not be out of place."

"It's fine." I gave him a smile, "It suits you, although I can admit that I have never seen a man look bad in uniform."

"I can agree to that, Anastasia." Liz said, turning around and walking backwards for a moment. "William here looked especially dashing in his. Does your uniform have a sword to it, Mr. Moody?"

"I, um," Moody floundered for a moment, his face reddening. "I don't believe so, Miss Vanderbilt."

Liz laughed, "It sounds as if you have something to change then, Anastasia. Mr. Moody needs a sword."

"He is more than welcome to one of the dozen your father is talking about buying." I chuckled, watching her turn back around. James's eyes seemed to linger on her though, the red still on his face. "Unless you want one immediately, James. I'm not quite sure if Will is willing to share his, but you could ask him."

"I wouldn't presume to, Miss Dalian." He ducked his head, his step slowing.

"You can call me Anastasia, James." I reached over, patting his shoulder. "And if you need a better reason to, I could order it."

He straightened slightly, "Yes, Anastasia."

"And you can call me Liz, Mr. Moody." She called over her shoulder, "I can even have Anastasia order it, if needed."

"I wouldn't dream of doing so, Miss Elizabeth."

"Hmm, that's acceptable. For now. But if we win Mr Moody, I'd like you to call me Liz."

"Then I dearly hope for your victory, Miss Elizabeth." I noticed Moody blush a bit as he spoke, and he suddenly seemed concerned about looking anywhere but at Liz. It was only a brief walk before we were all before the Gentilia, her crew ready and waiting for us to board. Mother and the Vanderbilts bid us farewell, wanting to watch from the pavilions. Will, Oscar, James and myself were boarding when a voice called out from the other side of the dock.

"It was such a pitiful race to start this regatta, wasn't it?" Otto Metternich was standing proudly on his ship, his naval uniform pressed and shined. "Well done though, Mr. Murdoch. Although it is a shame what you have forced Miss Dalian into."

Oscar stepped past Will, his face set. "I was rather impressed with her, trained by a Royal Navy officer and winning her first race. Were you so successful on your first outing, Captain Metternich? I know that you're unused to sailing on the waves, more used to hiding under them."

Otto snorted, turning back to talk to his crew and a few passengers. I could see Zachary, Sophie and Frederich among them. "Oh, you know those smaller boats. Have to take any help they can find. I was unaware they were reduced to forcing ladies to be common hands, though. I can assure you, the Wilhelmina is crewed by the finest sailors from Hamburg, not ladies forced into labor by those they suppose that love them."

Will started forward, but Oscar threw his hand back. "Then perhaps they should return to Hamburg, as should you. We have no races for submersibles planned, and I doubt you are as skilled as Mr. Murdoch at the helm."

Otto considered him for a moment, before spitting something out in German. "Vielleicht ziehe ich es vor, unter den Wellen zu sein, aber zumindest bin ich ehrlich zu meinen Mitmenschen. Weiß sie, wie du ihr nachstarrst? Oder belügst du dich und sie weiterhin?"

Liz leaned forward, tugging at Oscar's sleeve. "What's he saying?"

"Some bluster about how much better the Germans are than us. We'll show him out in the course." Oscar shook her off, shrugging at my confused look. "I picked up German at Cambridge, was rather bored during one term so I set about it."

"Ein Blinder könnte Vanderbilt sehen, Sie sollten einfach froh sein, dass sie ihn nur ansieht." Otto called out again, drawing a laugh from his crew and guests.

"Was ist mit dir, Metternich? Spielst du gerne den Lakai für den Mann, an den du deine Schwester verkaufst?" Oscar laughed at the red rushing up over Otto's face. "Er geht immer noch in die Hurenhäuser, weißt du, obwohl er zumindest aufgehört hat, Frauen anzugreifen. Ein echtes Juwel, das Sie gefunden haben, nicht wahr?" Otto turned away, suddenly shouting orders to his crew, but Oscar kept at it. "Aber was können Sie erwarten, der Apfel fällt nie weit vom Stamm, oder? Eine so hübsche Halskette, die deine Schwester neulich Abend hatte, lässt mich fast vergessen, dass er sie ihr zuerst geschickt hat. Anscheinend sollte sich deine Schwester daran gewöhnen, die zweite Wahl in dieser Familie zu sein."

At that Otto rushed to the railing, his words slurred and fast but I could very easily get the gist of the German curses he was throwing our way. Oscar started laughing at it, even though Otto's crew was beginning to look at him askance. He spoke briefly to Will, before throwing his own curses back. Oscar only paused to give the order to let the lines loose, the crew getting us smoothly away from the dock. Will glared at the Wilhelmina as we pulled away, "Bloody ass."

"What did Oscar ask you?" I said, coming up to his side as the other yacht began to be warped out.

He shrugged, "Wanted to know some curses to use, managed to translate them pretty quick." He turned from the rail, instead looking over at where Oscar, Liz and James were standing out of the way of the crew as they hustled around. Will walked us over, giving James a slap on the shoulder. "I can honestly say that I never thought to see you here, James."

"Well, Mr. Murdoch." James cut his eyes over, he had been focused on something Liz had been saying. "I wasn't expecting it either."

Will shook his head, "You can call me Will, James. It's quite alright. Tell me, what do you think of all this?"

Moody took a moment to take in everything around him, the sights of those at the pavilions mingling in their summer silks and drinking out of crystal glasses as we sailed past, the polished deck of the Gentilia and her fresh paint. He blinked, "It's all rather overwhelming, William. I've never seen the like, it's even more than the first class quarters."

"Have you spent much time in them?" Liz spoke up, looking over. "Anastasia told me that she had Will spend some time with her in them, dinners and the like. Have you ever had the chance?"

James looked at her, then quickly looked away. "I have not, Miss Elizabeth. I have only been sailing for a short time and never had the occasion to spend much time in them while I was working. And the Anastasia will have only second class accommodations, so I will have little chance to."

"Well that is a shame." Liz turned to her brother, "We must show Mr. Moody a good time today, Oscar."

"He'll have a fine time if we win." Oscar muttered, "If you'll excuse me, I'm headed up to wait for the starting shot." He nodded to each of us, heading up to a place by the helm to wait. The other yachts were pulling close, all of waiting for the start. Hands were tensed on lines, eyes straining to determine if the wind will change, and every ear pricked for the crack of a pistol. Even us passengers were quiet, Will's hand tense in mine as I watched his eyes flicked from one ship to another.

We all started as the shot rang out, a great cry from the shore as the ships suddenly burst into activity. Orders were bawled, sails raised and every yacht surged forward to gain a lead. It was very clear that there were only two ships that had a chance though, the Metternichs and ourselves leading the pack. The Wilhelmina was close to us, a great Teutonic bellow sent up as they brushed past us. Oscar was cursing at them, but the captain he had hired appeared calm, his orders given in a firm voice to the helmsman. Will glanced out, "Her upper lines are tangled."

"What?" Oscar called from the helm, rushing over to lean down and hear him.

"Metternich has his upper lines tangled, he's not going to be able to haul his full canvas up." Will pointed at the yacht, a few lengths away from us. "He's not under full sail, he preparing for it after the turn. If you can beat him on the straightaway you should have it. Have all the canvas ready, every sail she can carry, haul them up the second you come out of the turn."

"Is he right?" Oscar shouted, turning back to his captain. I couldn't hear the rest of it, but the Gentilia began to heel over into a sharp turn, and we were close enough that I could see Otto at the helm of the other ship. He was grinning, and I could see Sophie, her other brother, and Zachary speaking calmly to each other. Zachary even raised a cigar in a salute to us as his yacht began to come back for the straightaway.

There was a sudden surge from the Gentilia, enough to make me stumble for a moment. Will's hand was quickly on my shoulder, and I looked over to see Liz's hand in Moody's. Once she was settled he quickly pulled back, although he did stand a bit closer to her. I couldn't keep the grin from my face as we quickly passed the other yacht, Otto visciously cursing in German as we did. Liz clapped, "It appears you shall be calling me Liz soon enough, Mr. Moody."

"It was only through Mr. Murdoch's observation." James nodded to Will, "And the work of your excellent crew." He was cut off as the crew itself gave a great cheer, the Wilhelmina far to our stern as we surged past the judge's boat that marked the finish. Will was cheering, I was clapping, and Liz even hugged James quickly. He only held her briefly, "My apologies, Miss Elizabeth. I was not expecting you."

"It's Liz, James." She grinned, "And I hope you like champagne."

"Champagne?" He gave a slight smile, "I suppose so, I have not had many chances to sample it."

"Father is going to throw an entire bottle at you, I have no doubt." Liz's smile almost reached her ears, and she caught Oscar up in a great bear hug as he came down from the helm. "You did wonderful!"

"The captain did wonderful." He demurred, embracing her before quickly setting her back on her feet. "Thank you for your advice, William. Although the captain says that he would have noticed it in a moment."

Will shrugged, "Tell your father that then, I don't need a dozen swords." We all had a laugh at that, looking back to the dock as the yacht was slowly drawing closer. I could see Mother there with the Vanderbilts, champagne glasses clutched in their hands. Clusters of servants waited with more, and even more people crowded behind them. The gangplank was hardly secured before Mr. Vanderbilt bulled his way onboard, followed by the rest of the group and the servants who quickly began to distribute the crystal glasses to every hand. Will lifted his to me, smiling as he took a sip.

There was a brief flurry of conversation that swirled amongst the crew, space quickly cleared on the deck and a few of the hands brought out instruments. Nothing more than fiddles and a small mandolin, but they quickly set up a tune as the servants scuttled about, hanging lamps from lines and lighting them. The champagne was flowing quite freely as the sky began to darken, and I will admit to drinking several glasses before I noticed the dancing that had broken out. It was dark where I was standing, so I wasn't quite sure that what I saw was right as I made my way forward. Mr. Vanderbilt was bending over Mother's hand, before quickly spinning her out into the reel that was being played. Mrs. Vanderbilt, breathing a bit heavily after her dance, clapped along with the music as they did, some crew members swinging each other around.

And then Will had me in his arms, and I was laughing as he twirled me around on the deck. I could barely keep up with him, although I could see Oscar and Liz dancing in the circle. The music was fast, and it was only a moment before I was suddenly in Oscar's arms and Mother in Will's, our partners keeping our feet moving quickly around the smooth planking of he deck. I did catch something though, over Oscar's shoulder. Liz was standing in front of James, her hand outstretched. He hesitated only for a moment, taking it and leading her into a much smoother reel than the one I was in.

Oscar passed briefly by Will, quickly changing partners. I could see his eyes narrow as he saw Liz spinning in James's arms, although Will gently gave him a shove. "He's a good sort, don't worry about her." He handed Mother off to Oscar, taking my hand. "But this lady needs to catch up on her dancing, don't you Mrs. Dalian?"

"Oh, I haven't danced like this since I was a girl." Mother was laughing, her hair in disarray as Oscar quickly began to lead her out again. "Oh, Oscar, you don't have to. It's not proper for me, your father was just being kind."

"I'm afraid Mr. Murdoch is right," Oscar grinned, "You do have much catching up to do."

Chapter Text

Adjusting back to New York was a tad difficult after Newport. Mother returned to the Fifth Avenue house, and Moody was given a gust room in the dock house. The Vanderbilts went back to their own house on Fifth, although they promised to call as often as they could. I resumed my trips to the offices, and Captain Fraser quickly had Will and James scampering to the Anastasia early each morning to begin their work. The ship was put through her paces, her engines straining to reach top speed and quickly stop, her stability tested to see how far she could heel, and her crew slowly meshing together. None of the officers that Captain Fraser had brought had been assigned their positions yet, only knowing that they would be either junior or senior officers. His old crew had stayed on the Ruth, his top officer taking over as Captain.

Every day when I returned from the offices I would change and then preside over the dinner table. Will and James would come in, not even bothering to do more than wash their faces before they collapsed into the chairs on either side of me and ate like they hadn't seen food in days. They would speak about their tasks, their hopes, and their excitement for the upcoming voyage.

James drank heavily from his water glass before speaking, "It was passing strange to not be working when I came over, I'm glad to get back to it."

"It was odd," Will chuckled, setting his silverware down. "I've missed being out on the sea, it must be in my blood I guess." He turned to me, "What about you, Ana? Planning to join us?"

I smiled, unwilling to give voice to my actual thoughts. "I'm afraid I have my responsibilities here to keep up, but I am glad that you're both excited." I didn't tell them how I once woke up in a cold sweat, having seen the Anastasia foundering and Will, trapped by a fallen strut, sinking with her. The thoughts that had begun to dog my steps, the constant worry. i told myself that it was foolish, that I was worrying over nothing, but in the nights, when it all was quiet, the thoughts would creep up out of the darkness.

Will had used up all his luck that night, surviving against all odds and he still almost died. There was nothing I could do but hope and pray that he could make it through this, that there wasn't some vengeful specter following him and ready to take him away. If there was, it would only hurt more now for him to be taken. At first it was only at night that these thoughts came up, but sometimes the fear would grip me tight at the most inconvenient times. Seeing Will and James playing a brief game of cards, it reared up in my stomach and clenched itself tight around my heart. To lose Will, and possibly James.

James, who Liz had begun pestering me about. She had come over for tea one day, and after ascertaining that the two of them were out, had begun questioning me. She had stirred her tea, lightened by a liberal amount of milk and sugar. "Mr. Moody seems awfully young to be an officer."

"I believe he's younger than me." I sipped my own tea, "Although only by a year."

"But he's capable?"

"Very, and I am curious to see what place he gets." I sighed, "And what place Will is given. I hope he won't be too disappointed if he isn't chief."

Liz had glanced over, "Do you think he would?"

"I think he would worry that he had failed in someway."

"And you would comfort him?" Liz had smiled, a rather toothy grin. "Like you did in the parlor at Newport?"

My mouth had fallen open, "Liz, don't mention that!"

"What, you don't want your staff to know how he was crawling all over you?" She had leaned forward, "How he couldn't pull his lips from you?"

"And what about you?" I had whispered, "The way you kept looking at Moody. I know that look."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She had pulled back, her face firm. "He is just a new friend, and one of your employees. I was simply being nice."

"I believe that as much as I believe that Zachary will suddenly donate his inheritance to charity." I had snorted, "But I won't mention it, as long as you don't mention that." Having reached an agreement, we had resumed a lovely afternoon tea. I had taken some time away from the offices to try to collect my thoughts, heading upstairs to where I might be able to think. They would leave tomorrow, and I would be here alone. I could hope for a wire, but it would be days before I would know if they arrived safe. I found myself wool-gathering in the library, staring at

Will found me in the library, and it was hardly a moment before I was in his arms as he swung me around, his voice light and laughing. "Ana, Oh God, Ana, it's wonderful."

I giggled, my hands on his shoulders. "What?"

"I'm to be first again, Captain Fraser told us all today. I'm first, and he's bumped Moody up to fifth." Will set me down, burying his face against my neck as he kissed at it. "He told me that I had everything in me to make Captain in the next couple years. And he doesn't have a chief above me, I'm the chief even though he just calls it first."

"Oh that is wonderful." I murmured against the side of his head, curling myself around him. "I'm so glad for you." My voice caught though, the lie of it sticking in my throat.

The kisses stopped, and Will pulled back. "Ana, what is it?"

"Nothing," I kissed his cheek, throwing my arms around him. "Nothing."

"I know you well enough to tell when you're lying." He grumbled, but he still held me close. "Now, tell me."

I was glad he couldn't see me, for the stinging in my eyes meant that there were tears threatening to fall. "I'm just going to worry Will, while you're gone. But I don't want you to think about it, not while you're out."

"Worry about what? That I'll have a girl in Southampton?" Will chuckled, his hands firm on my waist as he pulled me back to where he could see me. "You're the only girl for me Ana, you know that."

"Oh, it's not that at all." I shook my head, unwilling to voice what I thought.

"The Anastasia has a full complement of lifeboats. And you know how strong of a swimmer I am, and the water is much warmer now."

"But what if you get stuck below decks?"

"Ana, I'm on the bridge almost the entire time." He huffed, "You know that." He sat in a chair, pulling me into his lap. I flung my arms around him again, letting him pull me close to him. "It's only going to be two weeks. Part of one to get there, get unloaded, get reloaded, and part of the second to get back." His hands ghosted over my sides, making me shiver. "Then I'll be yours for a week before I head out again. And Captain Fraser has already said that he understands the social constraints your Mother is going to put on me. I'm welcome to stay and deal with them when they come up, and he'll still have my spot for me." I watched him grin, "Then you'll have me for three weeks, it's all alright."

"Oh Will," I whispered, utterly miserable. He was right, all the safety features on his ship were the latest, and he had been able to swim for hours at a time in Newport. I pressed my face to his chest, trying to convince myself that he'd be waiting for me two weeks from now.

"But I can't go Ana, not if I know you're going to be like this." His lips brushed against my ear, his arms wrapping around me. "I want you to promise me, promise me that you won't worry. We'll send a wire when the ship comes in, and I have no doubt you'll be in the offices waiting for it to be delivered." He chuckled, deep and rumbling against my chest. "Hell Ana, you might even be at the wireless taking it down." His voice grew somber though, his hold so tight that it almost hurt to breathe. "But I can't do this Ana if you're going to be miserable the entire time. Promise me, promise me that you'll not focus on it. You'll have Liz over for tea, and Morgan. Hell, go on a carriage ride with Oscar, as long as you take Liz or your Mother. But you have to promise me, Ana."

I drew back from him, looking him in the eye. His face was open, concerned, and I could see the conflict in those lovely blue eyes. He wanted to go, he wanted to get back to work, to begin sailing again, but I had to let him. I had to let him go and trust that he'd come back, safe and sound. His thumb was soft as he brushed at the tears that had fallen from my eyes. His hand did cradle my face after though, and I leaned into it. "I promise Will, I won't worry."

"Good," It was a sigh of relief, his thumb rubbing against my cheek. "I don't want to have to do this every time I leave."

"You won't." I sighed myself, leaning into his touch. "But I'll still miss you though."

"And when I have a minute to think," He chuckled, "I'll think of you." He didn't leave my side the rest of the day, on leaving for a moment before returning to the parlor that we had ensconced ourselves in. He chuckled when he passed me his jacket, frock coat and greatcoat with a roll of gold braid. "Do you think you could add on my two rows of lace to the cuffs?"

"You know you can take this to the tailor we've got contracted." I muttered, already measuring out the flat braid.

Will had stooped to kiss my head at that, "But then I wouldn't be carrying a little bit of you around every day I'm gone."

"You already have the handkerchief." I sighed, reaching for a packet of pins and beginning to line up the braid. It would take little effort to secure it, but working on it was only adding to my worry. Every stitch only made me think about him wearing it while drowning, that he would die in it. I pressed my fingers to my eyes, desperate for the thoughts to escape.

Will looked over from where he had settled in a chair, "Ana, you said that you would stop worrying."

"No," I felt my mouth screw up, "I said that I wouldn't worry while you were gone. I said nothing about right now."

"It sounds to me," Will muttered, rising out of his chair. "As if you need to have some poetry read to you." I couldn't help the little thrill that raced through me, my fingers now flying over the stitches. "Perhaps I'll bring some Burns, read it to you as it should be read." The frock coat had its braid now, and I quickly had the next set secured. Will's voice had dropped down, his accent thick. "If that will nae bring ye out o' this, I canna ken what will."

I barely looked up, the greatcoat finished and flung aside. "I wasn't aware that we had a copy of Burns's poems."

"You didn't, I bought it." He chuckled, "I shall go and fetch it." He made for the door, only stopped when it was flung open and Peggy bustled in.

She looked to me, "Miss Anastasia, you should be getting changed. Your guests will be here in a hour!" And then she whirled on Will, "Reggie is having a fit, he's going to have to get both you and Mr. Moody ready. Really, the both of you, for shame!"

I blinked, trying to remember. Oh yes, the Vanderbilts and the Fields, not to mention Mother, coming for a send off dinner. With Captain Fraser and the other officers. My mind had ben so busy, between the sewing and my worries, not to mention the thought of Will reading me poetry in his Scottish brogue as I writhed in his arms, that I forgot. I stood, keeping the jacket in my hands, one cuff done and the other halfway finished. "Of course Peggy, it just slipped my mind. I'll head off right now."

"I should say so, and here I thought we had taught you better than this." She sighed, shaking her head as she followed me. Louise continued the clucking as she buttoned me into a dinner gown, fixed my hair, and sent me on my way. Will was already in his uniform, and we both began to greet the arriving guests. Mother, as ever, was first in, and made herself quite at home. Captain Fraser arrived with the other officers in tow, and while he was cordial, I was surprised to see the officers move right past Will.

I looked after them in confusion, "What is that about?"

"If I had to hazard a guess," A familiar voice called out from the foyer, Ezekiel grinning. "They think he's getting special treatment. You are their boss after all, and are marrying him."

"You say that as if they haven't seen him working to prove himself." I chuckled, letting him pull me into a brief hug. "He's been exhausted every day since he started on the ship."

Morgan, on her husband's arm, raised an eyebrow at that. "Well, surely you haven't been pushing him far beyond his limits once he gets back home then. I'd hate for him to collapse once he starts sailing."

I wanted nothing more than to clap my hands to my burning cheeks, but Will held my hand tightly. "Oh, she's been very kind about. Always has a warm dinner waiting, and doesn't insist that we have to attend the theater or any such nonsense."

"And a soft bed?" Morgan looked to him now, a smirk on her face.

Will managed to keep his voice steady, even as he blushed a little. "Far softer than the one I will be returning to in Southampton, and a great deal softer than my new bunk."

"Well, you won't be spending much time in your bunk." Abe chuckled, "I know I'm never so lucky."

Morgan called back as he began to lead her off, "It will just make your return to your bed here all the sweeter! I'm sure Anastasia will see to that." I had to take a moment to collect myself, hiding my face behind my hand until I was certain that the redness had faded. Damn Morgan Fields and her sense of humor. If she kept it up during dinner I didn't know what I would do. I shook myself out of my embarrassment as I saw James coming down the stairs, his frock coat having its new single cuff of gold already.

I looked to Will, "You let Moody go to the tailor."

"Moody isn't your fiancé." Will chuckled, nodding to James as he arrived at the bottom of the steps. It was just as he reached us that the footman at the door opened it again, letting the Vanderbilt party into the foyer. I could see Oscar pause for a moment, trying to place the other officer beside Will. Liz was simply staring at him, almost stunned.

I decided to cut through what could only be described as a bit of tension. "Ah, Mr. Moody. It's so wonderful that you're joining us." I was genuinely glad to see him joining us at dinner, and embraced him briefly. I turned to the others, "My dear friends Oscar Vanderbilt, and his sister, Elizabeth." Oscar, smiling now that he remembered his name, greeted him with a handshake, and Liz gave him a smile. "You remember them, right?"

"Of course," His eyes barely left her, "I'm honored to see you again, Mr. Vanderbilt, Miss Vanderbilt."

She grinned a little wider, "I thought we had agreed to Liz, Mr. Moody."

"Indeed we had, my apologies." Moody bowed a little at that, his face slightly red.

"Are you joining the Anastasia?" She asked, her voice catching a little.

"Oh, yes. Yes, I'm the fifth officer on her." James shook his head a little, but couldn't bring his eyes back to her after. "Miss Dalian was very kind to get me the job."

"Well, that's Anastasia for you." Liz laughed, and held out her hand. "Would you escort me to the table? I'm absolutely exhausted of my brother at the moment."

"Yes, I mean, if you would like." James stammered, offering his arm. I could see the flush on his cheek as Liz took it, the way he held himself more upright. I watched them as Will led me into the dining room, handing me down into my seat. Liz was across from James, sat by her brother, but she seemed to constantly find reasons to look over. First it was to enthuse about the centerpiece and then to compliment the wine. Oscar seemed rather amused by his sister, although I saw him cast a glare a Moody once.

"Captain Fraser, thank you for joining us." Mother spoke from her place at the head of the table, smiling down at the Captain. "I know you would probably prefer to be home with your family, but I wanted to show our appreciation for your years of service."

Captain Fraser laughed, "Ah, it's not a problem ma'am. She's glad to have a break from cooking, her parents actually asked her to join them. They're having a fine time out, and she'll be glad to see me come home."

Morgan, holding her wine glass out for a refill, spoke up. "Oh, I can completely understand." She reached over to Abe, touching his arm. "It is always so hard when he goes to sea again, I miss him more and more every time."

Ezekiel rolled his eyes, "Mother, you miss giving him tasks whenever he's out."

"You keep that up and you'll be the one I give them to." Morgan sniffed, but she gave me a grin. "You'll come to understand what I mean Anastasia. It's terrible to have an empty spot in your bed, even for a short time. I'm always so glad to see Abe again."

Will began to cough quite loudly, although he shook me off when I reached over. His face was rather red when he sat back up. "Ada was glad to have me come back every time, I'm sure Ana will have a fire going and dinner set by the time I walk in."

"I'll be at the offices, waiting for you." I chuckled, "And if you're lucky I won't catch a ride with the pilot to meet you."

"So anxious to have him back," Morgan's lips spread in a slow smile, "Anastasia, you must want him terribly." Mother, her brow furrowed, looked over from her conversation with Captain Fraser. Morgan chuckled, "Want him back by your side, I mean." Mother shook her head, returning to Captain Fraser. I counted myself fortunate that Morgan didn't make any other comments like that, instead beginning to interrogate the other officers that had been holding themself aloof. It was rather nice to see them under her gaze, withering under her comments. It took Abe drawing her attention for them to get some relief.

The rest of the dinner passed reasonably well, and it wasn't too long before we were bidding everyone farewell. I had to promise Captain Fraser that I would have Will at the docks bright and early, with Moody in tow. The others headed off on their own, although Liz did linger a bit while Oscar spoke with Will briefly. I was almost about to offer her a sherry when James came in from the dining room and she suddenly was tugging on Oscar's sleeve to get him to leave. Mother was the last, giving me a kiss before climbing into her auto. The staff was cleaning up and the three of us had retired to the parlor where Will and James were actually enjoying a smoke when I decided to head up, giving Will a kiss on the cheek as I did. James blushed a bit at that, "Good night, Miss Anastasia."

"Good night, James." I smiled, "I'll see you in the morning." I climbed the stairs slowly, hoping to keep the worries at bay for a little while longer. Louise helped me into my nightgown, although I dismissed her before she began to brush my hair. I wanted to do that myself, dragging the bristles slowly across my scalp. I didn't have to think about anything when I did that, only about how much pressure to put on the paddle. It was quiet as I did, the ticking of the clock the only noise.

Until my door clicked.

I spun around on my vanity stool, looking out into the darkness of the sitting room. Bare feet made their way hesitantly across the room, and I strained to determine who it was. It was only when I heard the breathing that I knew, it was Will. He paused in the doorway, and I noticed a book in his hands. I set my brush down, "What are you doing here? Peggy will kill you!"

"Peggy is far too concerned with getting the dining room cleaned up." He stepped in, stopping in front of me. "And I promised you poetry." Will leaned down, his accent strong. "And ye will be gettin' it, lass. Now, shall we?" He held out his hand, leading me to the bed. He sat down next to me, and I felt my stomach fill with a thousand butterflies as he leaned me back onto the pillows. "I ne'er get tired a seein' ye like that."

"Will," I breathed, reaching for him.

He shook his head though, his book open as he still sat on the edge of the bed, although he did turn to face me. His hand slowly began to trace my legs, sliding the nightgown up as he did. "My luve is like a red red rose, That's newly sprung in June; O my Luve's like the melodie, That's sweetly play'd in tune;"

I shivered as his hand reached my thighs, tracing their way through my curls before diving deeper. I tried to muffle my moan as he brushed his fingers against that bundle of nerves, clapping a hand over my mouth. I could already feel my body flush with heat as he began to stroke at me with his fingers, and Will set the book aside as he laid down beside me. I looked to him, "No, ah, no more poetry?"

Will chuckled, pressing a finger into me. "As fair art thou, my bonnie lass, So deep in luve am I; And I will luve thee still, my dear, Till a' the seas gang dry;" He began to stroke me, curling and twisting his finger as he drove me deeper into this madness. I was writhing against him, my hips bucking against his hand. He paused for a moment, his accent gone. "I would be a failure of a Scotsman if I did not know some of Burns by heart."

"You're not a failure." I sighed, my hands clutching at the sheets. "Never a failure. Oh God Will," I almost cried out as he let another finger enter me. I was beginning to pant, circling my hips against his hand. I could feel my muscles begin to clench, and I threw my arms out as I arched my back. I felt like I was sweating, the heat in me building to levels that heralded a sweet release.

"Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear, And the rocks melt wi' the sun; I will luve thee still, my dear, While the sands o' life shall run." Will held me close as he spoke these lines, my body as taut as a bowstring as the pleasure finally crested, singing through me and leaving me spent on the blankets. I wound my fingers through the shirt of his pajamas, trying to catch my breath. Will stroked his fingers through my hair, "And fare thee weel, my only Luve, And fare thee weel, a while! And I will come again, my Luve, Tho' it were ten thousand mile."

"I think it's roughly three thousand miles." I mumbled into his chest, curling myself around him. "I would die if it was ten thousand."

"Shhh, Ana." He pressed his lips to my forehead. "Sleep love, it will all be alright." He moved so slowly it took me a moment to realize that he was sliding away. Will stood from the bed, the book in his hands. He gave me a small smile, "I cannot stay, you know that."

I blinked, my heart sinking a little. "I know, I wish you could."

"As do I." He nodded, creeping slowly and quietly back out. I tried to burrow back into my pillows, stretching out to try and take up as much space as I could. If I warmed the whole bed, I wouldn't notice that it was so empty.

The morning found me at the offices, anxiously watching out the windows as the last of the cargo was loaded onto the Anastasia. The ships cranes were smoothly lifting the crates and nets of cargo, her crew efficiently storing it below. I could see the officers walking among them, checking on everything as it happened. Spread across my desk were the reports from the inspectors, ascertaining that the ship was complete in terms of her life saving equipment and her stability. There were lifeboats aplenty, and life belts in every room. I had insisted that they be on the bridge, stored where they could easily be grabbed. Life rings dotted the railings, freshly painted with the ship's name.

"It's a lovely ship, Miss Dalian." A male voice spoke up from behind me. I turned, nodding my thanks to one of the men that had joined me in the office. When I had arrived the passengers who were heading off this afternoon had been waiting below while the cargo was being brought around. I had invited them up to my office, offering them my hospitality in the hopes that it would help distract me. They were a good bunch, and had made all the right noises about how lovely the ship was and how they were sure that it would be a safe and fast crossing. I think my concern unnerved them a bit, the man who spoke up had been the first one since they had made their initial greetings.

"Ah, gentlemen, the ship is ready for boarding." Mr. Keller said, opening the door to my office. "Miss Dalian, would you care to join them?"

I turned from the window, "Of course, Mr. Keller. Gentlemen, please go on ahead so you can find your cabins." They filed out quickly, and I brought up the rear. The small staff of stewards that would see to the passengers were waiting for them and quickly led them off down the docks. Captain Fraser and his officers were waiting, all of them nodding as the passengers made their way aboard. I followed them up the gangplank, standing before them. "Captain Fraser, I trust everything is in order?"

"Yes, ma'am." He nodded, "The cargo has been safely stowed, the engines are lit and we are ready to depart."

I looked down the line of officers, from Will to the three men between him and Moody and the one below him. I gave them a smile, "Then I wish you all a safe voyage, and a safe return. Captain Fraser, would you mind if I had a brief word with First Officer Murdoch?"

A knowing smile split his face, "Not at all, Miss Dalian. The rest of you, you know your duties." The rest of them headed off, and Captain Fraser followed them. I paused, taking in the sight of Will in his uniform. He looked so similar to the first time I had seen him, only with a few new lines around his eyes and a bit of color to him from Newport. I took a breath, trying to memorize his face.

He brought his hand up to gently grasp mine, "It will be alright, Ana."

"Just," I squeezed it tightly, "Just come back to me, Will."

"Tho' it be ten thousand mile." He quoted, stepping forward and pressing a kiss to my cheek.

I held him close, "I don't care about the distance, I just want you back." The ship's whistle let out a bellow, and it was time for me to step back down the gangplank and watch as she was towed to the middle of the Hudson. Her engines kicked in, her two funnels belching smoke as she began to pull away under her own power. Some sailors from other ships watched with me, as did Mr. Keller, but I was the one who stayed the longest.

Chapter Text

The next morning, I made my way to the offices and had one of the wireless operators, Hugh Tenny, called in. He looked nervous as he opened the door, standing on the carpet before my desk. I looked up, taking in the sight of the boy practically quaking in his shoes. I gestured to the chair, "Sit, and breathe. You're not being fired." He sat, although his knees bounced. I took a breath, "How long does it take to learn to read and send a wireless message?"

"Beg your pardon?" He squeaked, his eyebrows knitting together.

"How long does it take to learn to read and send a wireless message? Translate it from code while it's coming in over the line, and sending a brief one out after."

He took a minute, "It took me six months to learn the whole system, sending and receiving. I suppose maybe three months for each."

"Can you teach me to at least receive within the week?" I looked over, "I will compensate you for it."

"It is quite a complicated system, Miss Dalian. I cannot guarantee that you will be able to transcribe a message within the week."

"Teach me, I will spend all week by your side." I looked at him over the papers strewn across my desk. "If I can receive the message that the Anastasia has safely arrived in Southampton and send back the message confirming the receipt, I will give you a hundred dollars."

"A hundred dollars?" His eyes widened, his Adam's apple bobbing. "But Miss, we don't even know when the ship will arrive. It may be late at night."

"Then I will be here late at night." I stood, pulling out a sheet of paper. "This is an order to our bank to transfer a hundred dollars to your account, contingent on the skills that you teach me. Do you agree?"

"I can teach you, Miss." He looked over at the bank order, his fingers reaching for it. I tugged it away, locking it in a drawer as he watched. "I'll send my textbooks from my training to your house, and we've got an extra set of telephones. Follow me." He waited for me at the door, leading me through the warren of offices to the wireless room. It was quiet, a few other men huddled over their machines, occasionally reaching over and scrawling out a quick message on a scrap of paper. Hugh grabbed an empty chair, placing it by his machine as he handed me a set of telephones to put over my ears. "Put these on, and try to listen closely."

Listening to the electric noise be cut apart by static and brief pulses of sound quickly gave me a headache, but I stayed by his side for hours. He wrote out an alphabet of dots and lines for me, and set me to translating messages into the code and back to English several dozen times before I could look at the code and not have to consult the alphabet to decipher it. That was intercut with him receiving messages, making me listen to them over and over. He slowly began to clue me in on the various codes and abbreviations that were used in the messages, and it felt like learning a whole different language, but easier than when my tutors had tried. At least all of these translated back into English.

My head was still pounding by the time I got home, and was confronted with the pile of books that Hugh had sent over. Wireless sets started to haunt my dreams over the next few days, electrical signals bounced from ship to ship, lines of dots and dashes twisting around me. By the fifth day I was declared passable, although barely, by Hugh. I could at least listen to a staccato series of electrical bursts and come out with the message on the other end. It took me far longer, Hugh would have fifteen messages written out by the time I'd finished one, but that was all I wanted. I told him to send for me when we heard anything about the Anastasia getting close to Southampton, and promised him to send the bank order once I had sent the message to them.

I took one day to myself, although I kept finding myself tapping out little messages as I brushed my hair. I was trying to find the best one to send, something short and simple enough that I would be able to do it. Message received, Ana, was what I had come up with so far. I was debating if something additional would be needed when Louise appeared in the mirror, standing behind me. "Miss, your mother has arrived. She requests that you join her for tea."

"I'll be down in a moment." I gave her a smile, setting my brush down. The wrapper I was wearing was appropriate enough to see her, all that I needed to do was to don a pair of slippers and hurtle down the staircase. The parlor had already been set up, a spread of sandwiches and sweets spread across the table around the tea service. I began pouring, "Mother, I wasn't expecting you."

"Yes, well, I figured I would stop in." She accepted the cup I handed her, black as she liked it. "And I wanted to see how you were holding up with Mr. Murdoch gone."

"I've been occupying myself." I shrugged, stirring in my sugar and cream. "I am having one of the wireless boys teach me how to use it."

She laughed a little at that, "French is useless to you, but a wireless system has your complete and utter attention."

"Everywhere we go in France has a staff that speaks English."

"Yes, well. I must admit that my concern for you extended a bit beyond what you are learning." Mother sipped her tea, and slowly set her cup back down on its saucer. I felt my gut begin to twist, dreading whatever she was going to say. Her fingers knitted together, she began to slowly speak. "Anastasia, I know this is a distasteful subject, but Reggie reported this to Peggy who passed this on to me. It appears Mr. Murdoch has been, how to put this delicately, indulging himself in certain acts. It is something men do, when they do not have a wife to come to. And I worry that he will tire of this method soon and begin to try and pressure you to permit him certain liberties before marriage."

I greedily slurped at my tea, hiding my burning face. "What liberties, Mother? He seems to have been content with kisses so far." Oh God, we had been so careful. Damn Reggie and his attention to detail.

"Men can only want kisses for so long." She sighed, looking down. "I am concerned that when he returns from his crossing he will be quite, oh how to put this, amorous and that he will try to convince you to do things for him. Things that will bring him pleasure, but only serve to degrade you."

"Are they distasteful?" I looked anywhere but at her, terrified she would be able to see the truth of it written on my face. I was also horrified that Mother was trying to discuss bedroom activities with me. She lacked the openness of Morgan, it felt as if she was pulling a tooth out through my stomach the way she was trying to approach this. I twisted my hands in my skirt. "Will has always told me that he would never force me to do anything that I would find distasteful, I can't imagine he would force me into these acts. They must be quite horrible."

She immediately looked away, "Within the confines of marriage, no they are not. But to indulge in them before vows have been sworn, it would make you no better than a lady of ill repute."

I tried to affect a gasp, "Mother, I would never want to lower myself to that." Thank God she didn't know what I'd done with Will. If she knew about everything, his house, my sitting room, the lighthouse, the boat house, not to mention my bed, she would die to hear it. God, Will and I had done practically everything but the final act. But I'd never tell her, I'd take that secret to the grave.

"I know, Anastasia. You've sworn it to me, and I believe you." Mother turned her attention to a small sandwich. "As has Mr. Murdoch, but a man in love, and in a certain mood, can be very persuasive. You must be the one in control."

"I am in control of myself, Mother. I promise."

"I know," She sighed, "Now, when you are married, Mr. Murdoch may decide to approach you at seemingly any moment to engage in marital relations. Anastasia, you must urge him to control himself, you must be the one to limit these acts until the appropriate time. And not only once you are married, but now. I caution you to not indulge in your kisses too often, for he may feel that he can begin to lead you to indulging him in further acts once you have begun to give him kisses whenever he wants." Mother fiddled with a cookie, "I would not want anyone to write about you and him getting carried away. You've seen the papers when a bride is a little too large on her wedding day. They're ridiculed."

"I know Mother," I tried to focus on putting a sandwich on my plate. "You don't have to worry about that."

"I'm your Mother, it's my job to worry about it." She sighed, "It's not that I don't trust you to control yourself, but I trust you in these matters more than I trust him." She took a moment to consider the teapot, the silence stretching. "But let's discuss some more pleasant matters. Paul has the embroidery designs ready, he'd like you to come in next week to see them."

"Oh, that sounds lovely." I tried to keep myself from thinking back on what she had discussed earlier, and we spent the afternoon talking about the wedding. Mother agreed with Jeanie's sentiment about including some light colors with the white, peach roses and forget-me-nots would go well together we decided. We had just begun to speak about the style of invitations when Peggy came in with a card that she passed to me. Ship approaching Southampton, come to office immediately if you want to use wireless. I looked up, "I have to go Mother, the Anastasia is almost to Britain."

"Not like that." She looked me up and down, "Go change, I'll take you over in the auto. It's faster." I barely paid attention to the suit of clothing I threw on, almost pitching myself into the car and practically bouncing on the seat as it began to pull away for the docks. Mother watched me, an amused smirk on her lips. "My word, you really are excited."

"He's safe," I almost crowed as the car entered the docks. "They're all safe."

"Anastasia," Mother reached over, placing a hand on mine. "What happened is not how things are. You've seen Morgan when Abe's out, she doesn't worry herself sick. He's a capable man, she knows that. And your Will is capable too, there's no reason to doubt him." The car pulled up in front of the offices, the driver opening the door to let us out. I almost flew up the stairs, worming myself in next to Hugh in the wireless room. He wordlessly handed me the telephones, pointing to the key to begin sending when I needed to.

I closed my eyes, concentrating. My entire world narrowed down to the bursts of electric noise that were coming over, trying to sort through them to hear the message. I could feel Hugh next to me, listening as hard as I was. I watched him as I began to write out the message, holding my breath for his nod of approval. It was a fairly short message, almost all in the code that the wireless boys used. DSH to DSNY, ANS docked. Written out longhand it would have been, Dalian Shipping Southampton to Dalian Shipping New York, the Anastasia has arrived. I scratched out what I wanted to send, and getting a nod from Hugh began to press lightly on the key. He strained, listening closely, and shook his head. He pointed to one of the letters, I had messed it up. My second round went better. DSNY to DSH. MSG REC, ANA.

Hugh looked over as I took off the telephones. "Well done, you although you need to watch your sending. Your E's are a bit too long."

"Thank you." I nodded, "I'll send the bank order tomorrow."

"Bank order?" Mother spoke up, almost laughing. "You're paying for your training?"

"It seems appropriate." I looked over my shoulder, "Isn't that what you do when someone provides you with their services?"

Mother snorted, "Mr. Tenny, how much did my daughter promise you?"

"Mrs. Dalian," Hugh's eyes cut between the both of us as he gulped, "She is paying me a hundred dollars."

"Anastasia!" Mother snapped, making me cringe into my seat a bit. "We are going to have a long talk about appropriate spending of your money on the way back."

"You would have no issue with me spending it on a dress!" I started as I stood, following her back down. "I'll get you your money Hugh, don't worry about it."

"Oh, he is getting his payment, but you are on a limited budget." Mother stood in the door, watching me march past. "For the next month. Enough to cover expenses only." Her lecture continued all the way to the house, and she made sure that Peggy knew I was not to spend a cent more than was necessary for the next month. No new books, no little trinkets, I felt like I was being ordered to be a pauper.

I was still miffed the next day when Morgan came calling, and I had her come up to my sitting room. She was smiling when she came in, seeing me sitting dejectedly on the chaise as I poked at a new embroidery project. "Sounds like your mother cut your purse strings."

"My mother needs to realize that a hundred dollars is nothing with what I've got." I groused, tossing my embroidery aside. "She's acting like I decided to give him a thousand dollars for a day's work."

Morgan snorted as she sat down, "You are unbelievable, you know that?" She waited while a maid brought in some refreshment and left before she set to. "Your mother was quite upset when she called me last night. And not just about the money. How did you let Will get so careless that his valet noticed?"

I blanched, "We weren't, at least I thought so."

"Well she certainly knows what he's been doing."

I sat up straight, terrified. "Morgan, she knows that Will at least was doing things. She doesn't know that I was doing them to him. My God, she's disown me if she knew what I was doing!" I brushed a hand through my hair, "And she sees me as the one with the most control here. It's Will that has the control, my God I was begging him to ravish me in the carriage at Newport one night."

"A carriage," Morgan raised an eyebrow. "Was a roll in the hay not romantic enough?"

"Morgan, the last thing I need is your sarcasm." I rolled my eyes at her expression, "It was probably your comments at the dinner that set her off!"

"Well, if Will didn't turn such a delightful shade of red." Morgan trailed off, her face falling. "Anastasia, I'm sorry. You really don't need to worry though. Your mother is just concerned. All she wants is you to not have your belly swelled up when you walk down the aisle."

"I told her I won't, but she still feels like she has to tell me all about how I shouldn't give Will too many kisses because he's going to take that as an invitation to sweep me off to bed." I sighed, settling back against the chair. "Why is she so concerned that I'll give myself to him before the wedding?"

"You mean aside from the fact that you've pretty much done everything but that? And that you've told me you wanted to go all the way?" She chuckled, "Anastasia, your mother's family was so prim and proper that they didn't tell her what to expect on her wedding night. And I only know this because she had a bit too much to drink on night when we were younger and swore me to secrecy. She was terrified when your father came to her, they spent their wedding night with him telling her the ways of a man and a woman."

My face was burning. "Morgan, I do not need to hear this." The last thing I wanted to picture was Mother and Father, in bed. I wished I had a glass of brandy to burn the image from my mind.

"No, you do." She came to sit next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "She doesn't want you to have the same experience she had, that's why she taught you what men and women do to each other after a wedding. But she doesn't understand how it would be for the two of you to not have some way to release this desire you have. If I hadn't taught you, you would probably have a swollen belly at your wedding." She gave me a squeeze, "So cut your mother some slack, she's just worried."

"Please tell me you don't talk to Ezekiel about stuff like this." I buried my head in my hands, my eyes shut as I tried to force the red on my face to vanish.

She laughed, "Oh, never. That's all for Abe to handle. Now when the girls reach a marrying age, well, I'll be the one for it." She stayed for only a short while longer, and I quickly found myself counting down the days until Will returned. The message that the Anastasia had departed arrived only a few days after the one saying that she had docked, and the house and offices quickly began to feel like a prison. I paced endlessly around the windows, constantly looking to the horizon. I wanted him back, as soon as I could have him. Desperate for any distraction, I took up Will's idea of calling Liz and arranging for a carriage ride through Central Park.

I hadn't expected Oscar to be there though, grinning as he handed me up into the open carriage. He took the seat next to me, calling out to the driver to set off. I could see him lean back, his smile wide. "Ah, Anastasia. It's been far too long since we took a carriage ride out together. In fact, it's been far too long since I've seen you."

"Oscar, I saw you a few weeks ago at dinner." I rolled my eyes, his usual flirting a nice distraction.

"As I said, far too long." He chuckled, raising an eyebrow at his sister. "Don't you think so, Liz?"

Her eyes flashed under the brim of her hat. "I think you're far too pleased with yourself."

Oscar placed a hand to his chest as if he'd been struck, "Me? Pleased with myself? My dear sister, you must be joking." He turned to me, leaning close and whispering loudly. "I think my sister's a bit jealous, don't you?"

"Jealous?" Liz sniffed as the carriage turned into Central Park, the horses slowing to begin ambling through the shaded paths. "Of what? Your new trips to the Reichster house? I think I'd rather load cargo onto one of Anastasia's ships."

I turned to Oscar, shocked. "You've been visiting them?"

"I had an idea." He grinned, leaning into the cushions. "Unfortunately, it involves pretending to get close to them to accomplish it." He held out his hand, "I'll need you to promise not to let them know though, and shake on it."

"What are you planning?"

"I can't tell you, just know that it will benefit the both of us in the end." He lifted his hand, although when I clasped it he swiftly kissed my knuckles. "I'm glad that I still have your trust, Anastasia."

"You never lost it." I smiled, bringing my hands back to my lap. "Although, I would trust you a lot more if you could see your way to bringing some food over. I'm absolutely starving." He was kind enough to bring us both some popcorn from a vendor in the park, and I quickly set to on the salty, crunchy pieces. I still had a few left when the carriage approached the house, although I was startled by Peggy racing out from the front before the carriage had stopped.

She was rather breathless when she got close, "Miss, the ship is in. They sent word from the offices, I can have the carriage brought up."

I was about to speak when Oscar cut me off, "No need, I can see her to the docks." He looked back to me, "If you approve, Anastasia."

I grabbed his arm, "Oh please Oscar, as fast as we can."

"You heard the lady!" Oscar called to his driver, resuming his seat next to me. "To their offices, as fast as you can manage." I heard the whip crack above the horses's heads, and they set off at a trot back into the streets. The driver kept the pace up, only slowing to direct us around the heavier traffic near the docks. Wagons and trucks were trundling along, and we slowed to a crawl the closer we got. Oscar looked up to the driver, "Let us out here, we'll walk."

"Oscar," I started, feeling him tug me after him as he got out of the carriage. Liz was right behind us, and he quickly took her hand in his while keeping mine on his arm. "You don't have to do this."

"You want to see him." He shifted our trio around a wagon, bulling his way through a group of men loitering on the sidewalk as they waited for their cargo. "I can get you to him quicker than you could on your own." He laughed, rushing through an opening in the line of trucks to bring us to the docks. I could see the Anastasia, no worse for wear, sitting grandly as she was tended to by her crew. Cranes strained underneath the weight of cargo, porters tending to nets of crates as they brought them down to the docks.

And her officers, standing on the bridge and monitoring it under their watchful eyes.

"Anastasia, no." Oscar gently tugged on my hand as I started forward. "Let him come to you, you'll just get knocked around if you try to get to him." I was almost bouncing on my feet as the officers slowly began to vanish from the outside of the bridge, and it seemed an age before I saw some of the crew begin to disembark. I could never have mistaken any of them for Will though, and when I saw an officer with a double row of gold around his cuffs emerge and begin to walk down the docks, I almost began to weep. Oscar kept a hold on me though, letting Will approach us.

He looked happy, a smile on his face and his blue eyes shining as he set his bag down once he reached us. "Ana-"

I rushed into him, wrapping my arms around him and cutting off whatever he was going to say. "You're safe, you're safe. Thank God." I held him close, breathing in his scent. Salt air, coal smoke and the slight must of wet wool. It was more precious to me than anything else at the moment. "God Will, I'm so glad you're back."

I felt his arm wrap around me, his voice low. "I told you I would return, there's nothing to worry about. And don't you dare cry Ana, I won't have it."

"No Will, no." I sniffed, trying to fight back the tears of happiness that were threatening to spill over. "I promise, no crying."

Chapter Text

I had asked Will to meet me in the library later in the week, and once he entered, I slipped the key into the lock and twisted it shut. I left the key, hoping that anyone who tried to listen might not be able to hear around it. Will had his arms around me in an instant, his lips on my neck. I sighed into his touch, wishing that I could have a small tryst here without everything being reported. But not now, I put my hands around his, gently tugging them away. "Will, please."

"Ana," He almost growled, his hands once again tight around me. "God, I missed you. You were in my every dream, what few ones I could have."

I blinked, pressing my head against his shoulder. "That's very sweet, Will."

"Get your dress off, I haven't seen you fully in ages." He pulled back a little, his fingers reaching for the buttons. He looked up as I clasped them tightly, "Ana, what is it?"

I let out a breath, "We need to talk."

"That's never good." He muttered, stalking over to a chair. I considered a chair near him for a moment, but lowered myself into his lap instead. There was no reason to make this worse that it needed to be. He let me lean back against him, "What do we have to talk about?"

"My mother knows, at least a little, of what we've been doing." I sighed, settling into him. "Reggie noticed the handkerchiefs, although he only thinks that you've been, ah," I flailed my hands for a moment, trying to find the right words. "Pleasuring yourself."

"She doesn't know about you?" Will sounded puzzled, "Wait, she actually talked to you about this?"

"Yes, I wanted to die when she started talking. She thinks you're going to try and corrupt me into doing things before we're married."

He chuckled, I could feel it in his chest. "So she doesn't know that you were riding me in the carriage, begging me to ravish you? Or how I almost bedded you the night before I left for the inquiry because you wanted me to?" He pressed his lips to my ear, "You're already quite corrupted my dear, you should just be glad I've been able to control myself and haven't left you tied to my bed every night."

"Will," I snorted, "I've never seen you lose control, except for when you stabbed Henry Reichster." I turned, pressing my lips to his ear instead. "I wanted you so badly when I saw that."

"Ana, I thought we were discussing how I was to stop seducing you." He murmured as I dropped my lips to his neck, "Not how you are currently seducing me." I felt him gran more than heard him as his hands move to my shoulders, gently pushing me away. "We should stop for now, you said that we can't go on like this."

"But I want to keep doing this." I mumbled, leaning back. "I don't want to give up you, and our time together."

"Then the house obviously isn't the place for it anymore." Will shifted me back out of his lap, more towards his knees. "Not if Reggie is making reports."

"We should just be glad the coachman didn't see us. Although he's probably going to be listening more closely now."

"Then where Ana? I will have only such short times with you soon," Will snorted, a grin breaking out. "I suppose we could begin searching for discreet hotels, places where they wouldn't ask questions. Arrange different times for us to arrive at the room, leave separately."

I smacked his shoulder, feeling myself grin too. "Will, we're not having an affair."

"It seems as if we are."

"There must be somewhere that we can meet without the servants noticing." He furrowed his brow, his nose even wrinkling a little as he thought. "It wouldn't be too odd for you to come and visit the ship when she's docked, would it? You haven't had a proper tour, I could arrange to take you on one."

"And ravish me in a coal bunker?" I shook my head, "I want you Will, but coal dust might get noticed."

"I was thinking my bunk." His hand snaked around my waist. "It's rather small, and the mattress is thin, but you'll enjoy it. And the stewards are rather used to dealing with, well, men's habits."

"And your fellow officers would greatly appreciate hearing me scream our your name in your cabin."

He winced at that, "Actually, James already knows."

"What?" I stood, looking down at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, after we set out, he barely looked at me." Will shrugged, standing up and moving to the table. He could barely look at me as he spoke. "After the first two days of him avoiding me, I cornered him in the mess when he was alone and demanded he tell me what was wrong." I saw a flush rise on his cheeks, "He saw me come to your room the night before we left, he was pacing because he couldn't sleep and saw me slip in." The flush was making its way down his neck. "He said he thought we were just talking, but he wanted to check on everything so he went to the door and he, well, listened."

"Oh dear God." I felt my own cheeks burning. "He heard us?"

"He said it was only for a minute, just until he figured out what we were doing." Will actually tugged at his collar, "He said he was sorry and that he didn't mean to, I told him it was alright and that we weren't doing, well, everything. But don't be surprised if he can't look at you for awhile."

"Jesus." I moved to the window, looking out to the Hudson. "I can't believe we really got so sloppy that even James knows."

Will slipped his arms around my waist, his head above my shoulder. "I don't know how often we'll be able to make it to the ship, and even then I'll have to make sure the others aren't around." He pressed a kiss to the side of my head, "But that's for later. How was everything else while I was gone? No other problems?"

"No, no." I patted his hand, "I took up the wireless while you were gone, I'll expect you to answer me right away when I send one to you."

"So talented, and using it solely to track me down." He chuckled, "I see that you took my advice for a carriage ride with the Vanderbilts."

"They were kind enough to take me to the docks when the call came that you were in." I leaned into his touch, "I didn't want to waste a minute. Oscar had to hold me back from rushing onto the ship."

He snorted, "But there were no issues with the Reichsters? I was worried, with my being gone that they would try something."

I shook my head, "I haven't seen them at all, and the papers only mentioned that Sophie has moved into the Ritz until her wedding. It's in early August by the way, after we'll be back from our honeymoon."

"Ana," Will groaned, "You say that like we're going to have to attend."

"We are." I shrugged, "And they're going to have to attend ours. Unless you want people to keep talking about you and Otto Metternich almost coming to blows in their ballroom. So far as the papers are aware, our families are friendly rivals. They don't know what they've done."

"Not his father." Will's hands tightened on me, his voice firm. "I refuse to have him at the wedding."

"Understood." I nodded, crossing my hands across my chest. "I wouldn't invite him anyway. Or her brothers. And besides, we'll have so many friends at the wedding that we can just ignore them. I picked out the embroidery designs for my dress by the way, I should be able to have my first fitting in the actual dress sometime in November."

He chuckled at that, "Good God, woman. I'd marry you in a rags, you know that."

"I know," I patted his hand. "I'm thinking about having a dinner every time you come in. For you, and James. Although this one may be a little sparse, Mother isn't letting me at my purse for the next few weeks."

"You did something, I just know it."

"Oh I did, I paid for the lessons on the wireless. I will admit I probably overpaid, well, I did overpay. But I hardly care about it." I chuckled, trying to imagine Will's face when he had gotten the wireless. "But I want to celebrate your safe return, especially after this first trip."

"When?"

"A few days from now, and I'm planning on inviting Liz." I couldn't help the grin that broke out on my face, "Could you let James know? That he is invited, and that Liz will be there? Without Oscar?"

"Playing matchmaker, my dear?" Will stepped back, sitting on the edge of the table. "I didn't think that was quite your style."

Still grinning, I shrugged. "A bit, perhaps. But he always seems to focus on her, which means he hopefully won't be looking at me and thinking of what he heard." I heard a slight knocking at the door, and I sighed as I unlocked it and removed the key. I looked through the crack, "Peggy, we just needed to talk for a moment."

"Oh, I'm quite certain you were only talking." Sarcasm dripped from her every word. "You know you're not supposed to be alone with him for too long."

"Peggy, believe me. I know." I sighed, opening the door wider. "We were discussing holding a small dinner in a few days. Just Will, James, Liz and I. Surely that's within the budget for the month?"

"If you can go without breakfast for a few days, certainly." She replied primly, "And that goes for you too, Mr. Murdoch."

"Peggy-"

"Miss Anastasia, your mother wants to see some progress on your needlework by the next time she visits. Perhaps you and Mr. Murdoch could retire to the parlor in case we have any guests today?" She stood, quite calm, in the doorway. "And remember, your hands should be on your sewing, not Mr. Murdoch."

"Peggy!" Will snapped, "She is perfectly able to control herself."

"Are you?" Peggy raised an eyebrow. "Until you both can prove it to me, I'll have you watched every minute." Her stance was firm, as was her voice. "Parlor, in five minutes. The both of you, ready to receive any callers."

Will watched her go, mouth agape. He spoke softly after she left, "I will have to get you down to the ship when I return from my next trip, this house is quickly becoming a prison.

Going without breakfast for a couple days was manageable, although it made me promise myself to not let Mother catch me again. My time with Will was not the only thing I would have to hide, it seemed. But at least Will had gotten James to agree to come to dinner, and I had already called on Liz and invited her. Oscar, conveniently, was attending some function and would be unable to make it. I was currently pacing the parlor, waiting for Will and praying that James and Liz would not be too upset by the humble rack of lamb we were going to be having tonight, rather than the massive beef roast we had before they had left.

Will, in a dark suit, watched me from the stairs. "They'll be fine you know, although we probably shouldn't tell them that you're being punished."

"But it's only one course." I muttered, looking out the curtains at the darkened street. "Not even a soup! And no dessert. Lamb and peas, Liz is going to know that something is wrong."

"I think you're giving her a bit too much credit." Will caught my hand, stopping me in my tracks. "It will be fine, and if your suspicions are correct, then James should serve to keep her distracted." His brow furrowed, and he heaved out a breath. "Ana, I want to ask you about her. Is she simply stringing him along? I read about her having other men courting her, but it seems like nothing ever comes of them."

I sighed, "Liz has had her parents encouraging her to chose someone for quite sometime, and I've asked her about it. She says she just hasn't met a man she likes enough to marry, but that she doesn't want to discourage any of them. Just in case something occurs to make her view them differently."

"Does she act like she does around James with them?"

"Not that I've noticed, but I haven't really been around much when she meets with her suitors. You'd be better off asking Oscar about it." I shook my head, "He's part of it too, he's always been protective of her. A tad too much, and after the Reichster's party he's only going to get worse."

"But you don't think she'd do this to hurt him, do you?" He let go of my hand, looking me in the eye. "I don't know if I could forgive her if this was simply for her amusement."

"No Will, Liz isn't cruel like that." I gave him a smile, brushing my thumb across his cheek. I could hear an auto pulling up outside, and I turned to the door. "Now, I think that might be her." My guess proved true, a footman opening the door and ushering her inside.

Liz, stunning as usual in a light green dress, grinned at me. "Anastasia, are these dinners going to become a regular event? Aren't they leaving again tomorrow?"

"They are," I stepped forward, embracing her. "And they might. Sending them off with a good meal seems a good tradition to start."

"Well, make sure to invite me to them." Liz gave me a wink, "Your cooks does marvels, you know."

"I think you're just glad to get out of the house, as usual." I chuckled, "I think I see an item in the paper about you going out somewhere at least twice a week. Wasn't it the theater most recently?"

"Yes," She shook her head, "With the Fish heir who fell asleep and snored through the entire performance."

I winced, "Well, hopefully that won't happen tonight."

"I don't know, are you feeling particularly sleepy, William?" Liz looked to him, smiling. "If so, feel free to fall asleep at the table. I'm quite sure Anastasia won't mind." She looked to the two of us, "Well, should we wait for Mr. Moody in the dining room?"

"I think the parlor is fine." Will stepped up, offering his arm. "Ladies, care to join me?" Following his lead we occupied the settee in the parlor room as he took a chair, opening a paper and starting to read. Liz wanted to know about the dress, and as I began telling her about it, I noticed the pages of the paper slowly stopped turning. At one point, when I was describing the neckline of the gown, the paper dipped down and Will glanced over the edge. "Seed pearl embroidery? And your Mother thinks that you're excessive."

"Excessive?" Liz raised an eyebrow, "Seed pearls are not that excessive, Mr. Murdoch. I've heard rumors that Sophie's dress will have diamonds on it, would you rather she be wearing those?"

"I'd rather marry her right now, than wait for a dress like that." Will grumbled, flipping the paper back open. "Although I suppose June really is not that far off." Liz covered her laugher with a gloved hand, and past her I saw the footman moving to the door. I gave her a smile as I stood, going to the door and looking out.

James was standing on the step, a bouquet in his hands. "Ah, Miss Dalian. Thank you again." His face reddened after he spoke, and he quickly dropped his gaze to the ground. I took a breath, trying to banish any embarrassment and simply be the charming host.

"Oh James, it's nothing. Come in." I gestured for him to step in and he followed me to the parlor, "You remember Miss Vanderbilt?"

James hardly looked at me, not that he was before, gazing at Liz. "I could hardly forget her. These, these are for you." He thrust the flowers forward, a large number of daises tied with a scrap of twine.

Liz took them, her fingers grazing his. "How lovely, you know most men bring me roses." James's face fell, literally as he looked to his feet. He snapped back up when Liz grasped his hand lightly, "I much prefer daisies." The smile on his face could have lit up the room. She glanced to me, "Do you think these could get some water while we eat? I want to take them home."

"Of course," I gestured to the footman at the door, who stepped into the parlor. "Please, put these in a vase until Ms. Vanderbilt can take them later." I turned to Will, "Could you take Liz to the dining room? I want to speak to James for a moment."

I could almost feel James stiffen as Will lead off Liz, and he at least waited until the two of them were gone before launching into a speech that he had obviously practiced. He spoke so quickly though that it took me a moment to understand him. "Miss Dalian, I'm so sorry. I just wanted to make sure you weren't crying and I was going to come in and help Mr. Murdoch if you were, but then I-" He cut off, his face scarlet.

"I know, James." I felt myself blushing. "Really though, it was nothing."

"I swear, I didn't mean to listen. Please don't sack me for it."

"I would never fire you for something like that." I shook my head, "But, just please don't tell anyone."

"I won't, Miss. Again, I'm sorry."

I waved away his comment. "It's alright, why don't you go talk to Liz? I'm quite sure Will has her bored to tears."

"Oh, she doesn't want to talk to me, Miss Dalian." He shuffled his feet, his stance awkward.

"Come off it James, she practically started glowing when you gave her the flowers." I chuckled, "Now, escort a lady to the dining room?" He automatically held out an arm, and while he wasn't as smooth as Will, we did make it to the room in one piece. I took my place next to Will, and I watched Liz as Moody sat next to her. She sat a little straighter, glancing his way before looking away quickly. I caught Will's eye, raising an eyebrow and nodding at them.

He snorted. He at least took a sip of his drink before speaking, "I'm afraid you'll have to content yourself with a modest meal for tonight. Ana here doesn't want James and I to get too used to ten course dinners."

"I'm sure it will be delicious." Liz smiled, "Don't you think so, Mr. Moody?"

"Liz," I shook my head, "I think you could call him James, we are rather informal here."

She blinked, quickly. "Would that be alright, James?"

"Yes, Liz." James turned to her, his eyes wide. "I rather like it." Whatever else he was about to say was cut off as a couple of footmen entered, setting out our dinners. I contented myself that the lamb at least had a sauce to it, and that we could provide a decent variety of wines. James gave a small moan as he bit into his lamb, "Anastasia, this truly is something. We don't get meals like this aboard."

"What do you get?" Liz spoke quickly, although she tried to hide her interest. "I can lecture Anastasia about properly feeding you, if needed."

James shook his head, "Oh, the food is decent. But rather plain compared to this. It is welcome though, rich food is not something I need when working."

"He's right," Will grinned, "Makes us sleepy, not good for when you have to stand watches all hours of the night."

"No," Liz gasped, "You really don't have to do that, do you?"

James nodded, turning to look at her more closely. "It's really no hardship, you get quite used to it after awhile. Although I am glad that we get some time to ourselves here, a chance to catch up."

"I hope it's not too cold out there," Liz spoke quietly, and I noticed that James seemed to sit up straighter, his eyes moving to her again. "I can send a blanket for you, I can't imagine it's warm out there, even now."

James seemed to take a moment to find his voice, his jaw working. "I would appreciate that, Liz." I looked at the two of them, sitting close and yet so stiffly. With a small movement, I brushed my knife to the floor, bending down to grab it. I cut my eyes across, noticing that Liz had reached over and grasped James's hand. She had also lost her gloves, so her long fingers gripped him tightly without any barrier between them.

"And it's only going to get colder." Will was speaking when I rose back up, and he raised a brow at me. "I'll make Ana buy us some of those new electric heaters for our cabins, can't have us catching a chill if she expects us to have these dinners all the time."

James's eyes grew distant, "I can't imagine anything colder than that night."

"No," Will's voice was as distant as his eyes, and I quickly copied Liz by reaching for his hand. "I can't either." I fought down the memory of my feet swimming in that water, my soaked skirts clinging to my legs. The cold soaking into Will, the weight of his coat. The ice on his gloves. I swallowed and shut my eyes, taking a long breath before opening them again.

Liz blinked quickly and shook her head. "Now, we can't have any of that. Anastasia, could you have some cordials brought around in the parlor? And maybe some cigars for the men, get their minds more focused."

I sniffed, squeezing Will's hand. "Of course, of course. Why don't you head over and I'll send someone for it?" I watched as James helped her to her feet, leading her off and managing to not look like he was back in the water. I gently tugged at Will's hand, "Come on, we should follow them."

"Ana," Will breathed, "Don't let her hurt him. He's been through so much, and he's so young. That night, I thought I was going to lose him once. He was so cold. I gave him my spot, it was higher. He shouldn't have had to die because of-"

"Will," I stood, pulling him up after me. "That's enough. It's in the past, you both made it through. And I can't have you saying that to Liz, you'll scare her."

"I can't see him hurt." Will took my hand rather mechanically, "Not again. He almost lost a foot to the cold, did you know that?" He was breathing rather fast, his eyes still somewhere far away.

"No, I didn't." I shivered, remembering my own slightly blue toes after that night. "But I don't think you need to worry about Liz, really."

"Why do you say that?"

"I saw her, holding his hand here at the table." I grinned, slipping my arm around his shoulders and pulling him into a hug. "Really, I think she likes him." He clasped me tightly, and I heard his breathing begin to slow. I held him to me, feeling him slowly come back to himself.

The footman in the corner was kind enough to not watch us too closely as Will lead me back out to the parlor. James appeared more focused, a pack of cards out and a few in his hand. Liz was sitting to his right at the small table between the chairs and the settee, her own hand of cards gripped tightly. I watched her glance to him, and I saw her lips moving as she softly spoke. I could only catch a few words at the end of what she was saying, "I'm so sorry, I upset you and I-"

James shook his head, his own voice louder than hers. "It's not your fault."

"It really isn't Liz," Will said, settling the both of us on the settee. "We never know when those memories surface, sometimes the simplest things will bring them forward. Don't think it was you."

I spoke quietly, "He's not lying, I can hardly look at my diamond earrings without thinking back on it."

"That's why you haven't worn them." Liz was still quiet, "You used to wear them all the time."

"Right," I nodded, "I've barely touched them since." I didn't even know if they were in the house, they might still be in the velvet bag with Mother's pearls.

It was quiet for a moment, before Liz turned to James. "Would you mind if I wrote you, James? That way you'd have something waiting for you in England, and I could even send some to the ship so you can have something to read."

"I'd like that, Liz." He gave her a smile, before looking back to his hand. "I'm afraid I'll have to fold this round."

I groaned, "Poker, really?"

"Deal me in," Will grinned, leaning forward. "I'll stake a cigar on this round."

"They're my cigars." I grumbled, settling back with a sherry and watching the three of them begin to bicker about who would be the dealer. "Fine, hand me the deck and I'll deal. As long as I don't have to play."

Chapter Text

Will was gone again, and I found myself less concerned this time. Perhaps the fear that had gripped me so tightly had loosened its hold after the first trip. Or perhaps it was because I was currently strolling through a department store with Morgan Fields and she had laughed when I told her that. "Oh Anastasia, you finally understand it now."

"I still worry, but it's not the first thought I have when I wake up anymore." I shrugged, picking up a fan. The delicate lace spread between the lacquered ribs smoothly, and it made a crisp noise when I slapped it shut. I handed it to a salesman, nodding my head. "Now I'm mainly worried about finding ways to occupy myself at the offices, I keep going to the wireless room unless I have something to focus on. Tenny isn't exactly pleased that I'm still getting him to teach me, but at a much lower rate."

"Your mother doesn't know that, does she?"

"No, I made sure to keep it low enough she won't notice. A few dollars for every lesson."

Morgan shook her head. "I never had the thought to try to learn. Abe would have hated me if I had the option to message him while he was out."

"Because you would tell him how much you miss him all the time?"

"Because I would make sure he knew exactly what I was going through every time he left me here, pregnant. And what I wanted to do to him for leaving me like that." Morgan chuckled, examining a petticoat. "If he thought I was a terror when he got back, oh he would have hated to see me during the first few weeks."

"Ah," I winced a little, "I can't imagine you were very pleasant with the twins."

"Abe stayed in a hotel for a few weeks during them." Morgan shrugged, "Otherwise I might have killed him."

"It sounds as if being pregnant is not very pleasant." I turned to a stack of folded combinations, considering them. And considering that eventual fate for myself. That was what marriage led to, usually. A pregnant wife and a proud father. The thought of it scared me, it wasn't like women died in childbirth constantly anymore, but it wasn't unheard of either. And then the baby seemed to take so much time, and I'd seen young mothers, pale and drawn with dark circles under their eyes while their husbands congratulated each other. I shook the thought away, turning back to the clothing in front of me.

She began to rifle through them, "You'll learn eventually, although your mother was so terrified when she was pregnant with you she almost never left the house. Not that Gareth would have let her, he was convinced that if she so much as took one more step than was necessary she would lose you."

I swallowed, Mother had never spoken much about the time she had been pregnant with me. "She must have been so scared."

"She was happy." Morgan pulled three combinations from the pile, handing them off to the salesman following us. "It had taken so long for her, month after month of disappointment. There were a few times where she was with child, but she would lose them a month or two after. But you stayed, she was so happy that you did and she swore she would do nothing to bring any harm to you. Even if it meant she never left the house, didn't go to parties and ate only the blandest foods."

"I never knew." I muttered, swiping at my eyes. The tears weren't falling, but I could feel them.

"She doesn't care to talk about it." She gently bumped her shoulder to mine, "And you had better not tell her that I told you, or I might have to let her know what I told you to do with Will."

"You wouldn't!" I gasped, feeling a slight grin break out.

Morgan smirked, shrugging. "I might, now come along. It's time for us to be on our way." It was simple to collect our purchases and flag down a cab, although Morgan dropped me at the curb by the dock house rather than take me to her house. When I asked her why she affected a shudder, "Those boys need to get married, I swear. I come home to a mess every time. Half the reason I wanted you to marry Ezekiel was simply so that I might not have to collect his clothes from the floor every day."

"He does have two older brothers." I chuckled, stepping out of the cab. "Unmarried older brothers."

Morgan barked out a bitter laugh, "Don't remind me, they're just as bad. Although if you ever find you have a maid you don't need, send her to me." She grinned, "Save me, Anastasia, from the messes my children leave me every day." I could still hear her laughing as she closed the door, the cab starting off. I shook my head, stepping through the iron gate into the front of the house. It was a rather plain front yard, although a tree did provide some shade as I made my way up the path to the front door.

The house was running smoothly, and Louise was already in my rooms laying out a dinner dress for me when I left the new clothes with her. I did not stay, heading upstairs to the office. I hadn't changed the green color that Father had painted it, it was too painful to even think about. The only change I had made was to bring in a more feminine chair for the desk, I had almost drowned in the overstuffed leather one. It had found a new home in the library, and a smaller one upholstered in the Dalian colors was now what I occupied as I sat behind the desk.

Mr. Keller still attended to most of the day to day business, but he made sure to send me reports each week. Reviewing them took time, although I was rather thankful for it at the moment. Considering a proposed client, asking us to begin transporting potatoes of all things, made me think less about wanting to hear from Will. I couldn't abuse the wireless to constantly message him, not only did the wireless boys not like it, but I can imagine he would find it rather annoying. I snorted, signing the paper. We could carry potatoes, it would pay well enough. We'd carried worse in the past. Father had expressly forbid any cattle being onboard our ships after smelling the cargo hold after one trip.

The door opened, Peggy's voice rather amused. "Miss, Mr. Lightoller is downstairs. He has a gift."

I looked up from my papers, surprised. "Please, show him in. I'll be down in a moment." Peggy had a rather sly grin to her, her eyes dancing as she bobbed a small curtsy and headed back down. I looked to the windows, it was late enough for me to change into my dinner dress. Charles would appreciate joining me for dinner, I could tease him about making him stay longer. He might even miss the Oceanic leaving, although I knew he wouldn't. Louise didn't comment much as she buttoned me into the clean dress, and I quickly made my way down the stairs.

Charles had his back to me in the parlor when I got down, his attention fixed on something before him on the floor. His voice was firm, "Down, down!"

"Charles, whatever are you doing?" I laughed, coming around the settee. On the floor, jumping up, was a large black puppy. He barked as Charles pushed him back off his legs, jumping right back up and nipping at the gloves across Charles's lap. I gave a little cry, pressing my fingers to my lips. "Oh my, who is this?"

"A bloody nuisance," He chuckled, "Although you can name him whatever you like."

I knelt down, extending a hand. "Really? You brought me a puppy?" Said puppy was currently considering my fingers, sniffing at them slightly. "He's adorable."

"Will wrote to me, said he was worried about you being on your own while he's out. I thought to myself, why not get her a dog? Something to take with her on walks and be a bit of protection." Charles gently tugged on the puppy's leather collar, although he was tugging against him hard, determined to get to my fingers. "He's a tenacious little thing."

"My word, look at those paws." I said, lifting one up into my hand. It almost covered my palm, and when I spread his toes I could see a thin web of skin between them. "What is that?"

"He's a Newfoundland, wonderful swimmers. Their paws are rather like a duck's foot." Charles ruffled his ears, "I've got a friend who's a breeder, they'd just had a bitch whelp a few weeks before I came around. He said he'd be a good dog for you, loyal and trusting." He joined me on the floor, chuckling when the puppy returned to trying to get his gloves. "He's going to be big, and rather hairy."

I pulled the puppy to my lap, watching him twist around and snap at my fingers. "And a handful!"

"That he will be, you'll need to think of a name for him too."

I considered it for a moment, "Perhaps Rigel, something regal if he's to be a society dog. Yes, Rigel will suit him just fine." I let my fingers play across his soft belly, smiling when I saw one back leg begin to kick. He was so different from the little lap dogs that I saw when visiting, or the hounds that some kept at their country houses so they could pretend to go on a fox hunt. Rigel, content to gently gnaw on my finger, stared up at me with a clear pair of brown eyes. "Well thank you Charles, thank you for bringing me something to warm my bed while Will's gone."

"Ah, Anastasia, we both know Will hasn't warmed your bed for a few months now." Charles grinned. He reached over, rubbing the Rigel's belly. "He sounded so worried in his letter though, care to tell me what set him off like that?"

"I wouldn't." I shook my head, dropping my nose down to inhale a bit of the clean scent of Rigel. I jerked it back though when he lunged for me, trying to climb up my shoulders. "He really has terrible manners, doesn't he?"

"He's young," He chuckled, "A bit of training will set him right. You've had dogs before, right?"

"Only one," I smiled wistfully, "She was rather old when I was born, only made it a few more years. Father was so broken up by her passing he never got another."

"Ah, well, they tend to respond well to treats if they do something right." Charles snapped his fingers, trying to get Rigel's attention. "I've been using some liver with him, he'll at least sit for it." The puppy continued to ignore him, instead reaching up to begin licking at my face.

I began to laugh, and unbalanced, fell onto my back. Rigel took the opportunity to practically jump onto me, licking my face enough that I had to raise my hands to try and push him away. He was clever though, always twisting and coming back to me. It took Charles picking him up to get him to stop, and I grinned at him from my place on the floor. "Would you like to stay for dinner, Charles?"

"I fear I'm going to have to stay for longer, if this one," He gently shook Rigel in his hands, "Can't control himself." Holding the puppy in one hand, he helped me back to my feet. Rigel wound up following us to the dining room, curling up underneath a chair as we sat. Charles chuckled as he watched him, "My boys were very upset that they could not keep him."

"I'm sure you can get them a dog of their own." I smiled, leaning down to look at Rigel, who was currently trying his damndest to keep his eyes open, and failing miserably. It was only a few minutes before they slid shut, his breath little huffs. Fortunately my purse had been restored, so I was able to provide a decent dinner for Charles, including a main course of steaks. I sighed as I bit into a piece of mine, "Ah, that is truly good. Do you think Rigel might want some?"

Charles shook his head, cutting his own steak. "Not unless you'd like him to leave a mess all over the house. Lean meats for him, and some vegetables. Your cook should know what to give him."

"Poor boy," I muttered, looking down at the still sleeping Rigel. "You're saddling him with someone who's never had a dog before."

"You'll do fine," Charles sipped at his wine, "So long as you don't let him go completely wild." Rigel was still asleep when Charles left, after giving me a hug and letting me know when he'd next be in, and that he'd be expecting a dinner that night. I found myself back in the dining room, pulling the chair Rigel was sleeping under back. He blearily opened his eyes, sniffing around, and then giving a whine.

It tore at my heart, "Oh, what is it?"

"Let me handle this, Miss." One of the footmen clearing the table said, collecting Rigel from the floor. "He'll need to handle his business outside. We'll see to that." He chucked Rigel under the chin, smiling. "Although he'd probably like a nice warm place to sleep through the night. We can set up a pillow by the oven for him."

"Oh, no." I reached over, ruffling Rigel's ears. "He can sleep in my rooms." By the time Louise had got me into my nightgown Rigel had been deposited in my sitting room, and gave a great yawn when I came out. That was followed up by another whine, and he continued at it as he looked to the door. I knelt down by him, "Here boy, come here."

He had just made it to my fingers when Louise saw him, "Miss Dalian, when did you get him?"

"This afternoon," I picked Rigel up, cradling him to my chest. He gave a slight snuffle, burrowing himself against me. "Mr. Lightoller brought him as a gift, isn't he the most darling little thing?"

"He's the most hairy little thing." Louise picked at my sleeve, "I'll be having to get everything washed twice as often now. And brush down anything you wear. Oh, Miss Peggy will have fits at the expense."

"Oh come now," I pressed a small kiss to Rigel's head. "He can't be that much trouble." At that Louise simply shook her head, stepping out into the hallway. I cuddled Rigel close as I got into bed, and he seemed content to bury himself under the blankets and up against my side. With one arm wrapped around him, I fell asleep quickly. It felt good to have this little furry bundle next to me, and I could hear his soft little breaths as he slept.

The footman from the night before came to collect Rigel in the morning, he was handed over by a grateful Louise who set to trying to find something in my wardrobe that would not show the hair that she assured me Rigel would begin leaving behind any moment. There was a small amount on my nightgown, but nothing that a quick brushing couldn't handle. I couldn't help but smile when I saw Rigel playing with the footman, tugging on a piece of rope that he had acquired somewhere. I knelt down by him, "Do they like that?"

"Oh, they love it, Miss." He grinned, batting at Rigel's ears. "Here, just tug it gently." He handed me his end of the rope, and Rigel dropped it for a moment until I pulled on it. Then he pounced, whipping his head back and forth as he tugged against me. He was rather strong, although I was still able to drag him towards me. The footman reached over, "You have to let him win a bit, otherwise they get upset."

I relaxed my grip, letting Rigel tug away. "How do you know so much about dogs?"

"Oh, we had a pack of them when I was growing up." He sat up, sitting cross legged on the floor. "Always seemed like someone had a new puppy. Not that I ever complained." We passed the morning playing with Rigel, only stopping when the cook emerged with some pieces of chicken for Rigel. He tore into them happily, making a bit of a mess. The footman shook his head when I reached to start cleaning it up, "Go take him for a walk, Miss. I found an old leash in the stables, go take him out and buy a new one."

I found the old leash, the snap to attach it to his collar a bit rusted but the leather still supple, on a table and secured it to Rigel's collar. The carriage was waiting for me to take my morning trip to the offices, and I looked at Rigel as I set him on the floor. "Just for the morning, boy. Then we'll go shopping for you." He gave a little whine as the carriage started out, moving closer to my legs, but quickly got distracted by chewing on the leash no matter how many times I pulled it out of his mouth. I sighed, I would be buying several leashes it looked like. The staff at the offices didn't comment on Rigel, simply nodding to me as I headed up. Rigel began sniffing around my office as I set to behind the desk, leaving behind the approved reports for Mr. Keller and pulling out a sheaf of papers that had been left. I had just begun to look through them when I heard the door open.

"No! Bad, you don't do that here." Ezekiel bounded through the door, leaning down and lifting Rigel by his scruff. The puppy immediately began to whine, his little paws trying to grasp at the air. "He was lifting his leg on your bookshelf, Annie! Didn't you stop to let him do his business before you came in?"

"Oh, I'm sorry Rigel, I didn't." I stood, moving over to him. Ezekiel had shifted him to his arm, holding him against his chest. "I only got him yesterday, and you know I've never really had a pet before Zeke."

"He'll need training, that way he can tell you when he has to do it." He ruffled Rigel's ears. "I assume you'll need help with that."

"Well, one of the servants has some experience, but Will did say he wanted him to be for my protection, while he's gone." I scratched my way down Rigel's back. "I don't know if he knows how to do that."

"I can help." Ezekiel chuckled, "Although he needs a better leash."

"Well, I was about to go shopping. Care to join us?" I smiled as Ezekiel nodded, and after letting Rigel relieve himself against a wall outside, we set out for a department store. Rigel was content to trot along beside us, although he did lunge at a passing lady every now and then, entranced by their trailing skirts. I lunged after him when his front paws landed on one, picking him up. "Oh, I'm sorry. He's just so playful."

The lady turned, revealing a pale face and a pair of dancing blue eyes. "Oh, Anastasia! How lovely to see you again."

"Your Highness," I nodded, holding Rigel a little tighter as I stood up.

"And who is this? Why Anastasia, he must be a very special friend to be escorting you while your fiancé is away." Sophie cut her eyes over to Ezekiel, her perfect pink lips splitting in a smile.

I looked to Ezekiel, who was beet red and currently considering the shine of his shoes. "This is my friend Ezekiel Fields, he is helping me find things for Rigel here." I lifted the puppy in my arms, "Ezekiel, Her Highness Sophie Metternich. Zachary Reichster's fiancée.

"Oh, how wonderful." Sophie, ignoring Ezekiel completely, wiggled her fingers in front of Rigel's nose, only pulling them back when he lunged for them. "I am here to get a fitting done for my opera cape, my old one simply would not do. Are you planning on attending? It is rather soon."

"I am not sure, Your Highness." I shrugged, focusing on her eyes. "I have a great many things to take away my time."

"One must always make time for art, Anastasia." Sophie reached out, gently touching my arm. "I would be delighted if you would join me in Zachary's box for the opening."

Ezekiel's head snapped up, "Oh, she doesn't need to do that. They have their own box."

"Then I shall simply have to visit during the performance," Sophie smiled, "I should so dearly like to see Mr. Murdoch again, your fiancé," At that her eyes flashed over to Ezekiel again, "Is always gone, it seems."

"Well, we shall see about that." I gave a rather tight lipped smile, "I hope your fitting goes well, Your Highness."

"And I hope your shopping is successful." Sophie gave a little simper as she started off, a maid, no doubt her chaperone, following her. Ezekiel at least held it together until we reached the very small section of the store devoted to pets.

He stared at me as I considered a leash. "She's marrying Zachary?"

"That tends to be what a fiancée does." I muttered, sliding a couple of leashes over my arm. "Why are you so shocked about this?"

"Because she greeted you." He said, handing me a larger collar than what Rigel was wearing. "He'll need one soon, he'd going to get big. I just can't believe she greeted you like you were an old friend, right here, where people could see. Hasn't she heard that you and them don't get along?"

"She's seen it in action." I shrugged, "Oscar even let it slip that Zachary proposed to me before her, with the same ring."

He snorted at that, "At least that Vanderbilt is good for something. What are you going to do if she comes to your box, though?"

"Make small talk and try not to punch Zachary." I chuckled, "And try to keep Will from killing him on sight."

"You should have told him exactly what he said about you at the charity ball." Ezekiel looked over, his mouth thin. "When I told him, he threw his empty bottle at a wall and shattered it. I've never heard a man curse like that, Annie. Or describe exactly what he wants to do to another man in such detail."

"Would you care to share that?" I turned, with my arms full of enough things for Rigel that they would fill a drawer.

Ezekiel, reaching down to scratch Rigel's head, laughed. "Oh, if I told you Annie I'd give you nightmares."

Chapter Text

Rigel whined as we waited outside the offices, the Anastasia docked and unloading. She appeared hale and hearty after her voyage, her stern proudly displaying her name in brilliant yellow letters and her funnel painted the Dalian colors of blue and black. Father had tried to use white paint before, but it had wound up black from all the soot. He had grumbled, "As long as it's our blue, I suppose I can live with it."

I watched Will stare at me as he came off the ship, smiling when I saw his eyes drift down to Rigel. The puppy was behaving himself, for once, sitting calmly and focusing on the man coming towards us, his bag slung over his shoulder.

He stopped a step away from us. "Ana, what on earth is that?"

I couldn't help myself, "I'm afraid you've been replaced, I've got a new man. This here is Rigel, he's taken your spot in my bed."

He knelt down, considering the puppy sitting on his haunches and looking at him curiously. "Where in the world did you get him?"

"Charles brought him, to keep me company while you're gone."

"Of course it was Charles, why did I even ask?" He shook his head, standing and offering me his arm. "Well, you'd best tell Rigel he's not going to be getting in your bed for much longer. Just a few more months and I'll be there."

I grinned down at Rigel, trotting along beside me. "Oh, do I have to Will? He's such a lovely little thing to hold during the night."

His lips brushed up against my ear, his voice quiet as he whispered. "I'll give you something to hold during the night, although I can't promise it will be small." I felt a flush rise to my cheeks, and his hand dipping down from my waist to grab at my rear. Instead of jumping away from it, I leaned into it, letting him grab a large handful, his fingers rubbing me slightly. His bag, bumping along against his side, provided enough cover for him to have done it, and he slowly brought his hand back to its normal place. "I can take you on a tour of the ship tomorrow, once I get a decent night's sleep."

"Can Rigel join us?" I leaned into his shoulder, already anxious for tomorrow to arrive.

Will snorted, "I'd rather not have him staring at us the entire time." He opened the door to the carriage, handing me up. Then he looked to Rigel, the leash taut from my hand to the ground. "Well, jump, boy." Rigel gave a whine, looking up at Will. He sighed, reaching down and collecting him in one hand. "I am not doing this once he's grown." With that he deposited him on the floor, sitting next to me. He shook his head at the puppy currently considering his shoes, "If he starts chewing on my shoes, Ana, he's living down in the kitchen."

"Oh, Rigel will be fine." I smiled down at the puppy, draping the edge of my skirt over him. He rolled over, pawing at it and trying to bit the hem. "See? And he won't tear it, he just wants to play."

"And I'm sure Peggy is thrilled by him." Will snorted, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me to his shoulder. I smiled as I hear him breathe in my perfume, "God Ana, when I told Charles I was worried about your protection while I was out, I figured he'd reassure me that you could hire a guard or something. Not get you a dog."

"I think you should just be glad Charles didn't give me a knife." I let my hand drift over to his thigh, "Or a sword." My hand drifted higher, "Or a gun." With that I let my hand press against him. He was already rising to attention, and I could hear him let out a great rush of a breath.

"Ana, God. Please."

"Tomorrow, Will." I withdrew my hand, "Besides, the coachman will hear you. Not to mention Reggie if you come back with a mess on your pants."

He snorted at that, "God damn Reggie to the deepest pits of Hell for being so observant. If you didn't saddle me with that blasted valet I could have you in my lap right now."

"Anticipation is half the fun of it." I chuckled, "Is it really so bad to wait one day?"

"No," He sighed, "And I could use the sleep."

"Yes, you could." I placed a finger to my chin, thinking. "Perhaps we could push the tour to the day after tomorrow? I want you properly rested for the tour."

Will actually snarled at that, whipping around so fast it made Rigel yelp. "Ana, if I don't have you in my arms tomorrow I am going to go come to your bed, damn Reggie and Peggy and Louise too, for that matter." He started, looking down. Rigel had the leg of his trousers in his mouth, pulling on it and giving off a very pitiful growl. "Well, at least he feel protective of you already."

"Ezekiel's been helping with that." I smiled, reaching down to pet his head. "It's alright boy, he's a friend."

"I hope I'd rank as more than a friend." Will mused, although he did kiss my cheek after I disengaged Rigel's teeth from his trousers. Once we stopped outside the house, he reached down and set Rigel on the ground before helping me out. The footman, who I now knew was Tyler, came forward to take Rigel's leash from me and lead him off to the yard to relieve himself. Will watched him head off, "Well, if I don't have to clean up after him I guess he's not so bad."

"He really isn't bad, Will." I muttered as he handed me out, nodding to Tyler as he lead us inside. I smiled at Peggy who was waiting in the foyer, "Look who I collected off the docks today."

"Mr. Murdoch, I see you've met our newest resident." Peggy sighed, her eyes shooting to Rigel, who Tyler had let back in. Without his leash, the puppy trotted toward me, his tail wagging. "We are all still adjusting to him."

"As am I." Will snorted, "It was quite a surprise to see him."

"You two are horrible." I rolled my eyes, making for the stairs. "He is nothing but a lovely little puppy."

"Miss Anastasia, we've had to change the linens on your bed twice since he arrived." She glanced over to Will, "He's been shedding something horrible." I heard him chuckle behind me, and then start up the stairs. Rigel followed, his claws clicking on the steps. It had taken him awhile to learn how to climb the steps, although he was rather adept at it now. He still couldn't quite manage all the flights on his own though, and began whining after the fifth flight.

I had just started to go get him when Will stopped me. He looked down, "He has to manage them on his own, Ana."

"Will, he's young. Barely weaned, he just needs a little help." I shook his hand off, collecting Rigel into my arms. I cradled him closer, "Poor boy, so tired. You've had a big day haven't you, coming to the offices, meeting Will." I pressed my face to him, rewarded with a gentle kiss from him. I giggled as his little pink tongue rolled up in a yawn. "See? He's just tired."

"Jesus Christ." Will grunted, starting back up the stairs. "He's got you wrapped around his paws." I laughed as I followed him, both of us splitting off for our rooms. I settled Rigel onto a small pillow that had been sacrificed to be his bed, at least until he outgrew it. He immediately curled up on himself, sleeping almost instantly. It had been early afternoon when the Anastasia had docked, after unloading and driving back to the house, it was already evening. Which meant Louise helping me into a reception dress and making my way back downstairs.

Will had already made it to the dining room, not even bothering to change out of his uniform. He was happily munching on a buttered roll when I came in, "Ana, you didn't have to change."

"I can see you didn't." I rolled my eyes, taking my seat at the head of the table. "Really Will, you couldn't even put on a clean shirt?"

"After dinner, all I am planning on doing is drinking a glass of whiskey, and then dropping dead onto my bed." He grinned, "And I mean my bed, Ana."

I cast a glance towards one of the footmen, a tray in his hands as he brought in the soup course. "Will, hush."

"I've been hushing for quite awhile." Will did hold his tongue as the soup was placed in front of him, waiting for the footman to retreat where he couldn't hear his lowered voice. "I'm tired of waiting Ana, I should have hauled you in front of a priest in Southampton."

I dipped my spoon into the cool pea soup, "You had the opportunity on the Oceanic, you know."

"Don't remind me." He grumbled, attacking his soup like he was starving. Once he had cleared his bowl he grabbed for another roll. "I do enjoy the work, it does help distract me. But then I come back and I see you, and God it makes me wish we were already married."

I looked down to his bowl, "Aren't they feeding you on the ship?"

"Yes, but it's always quick and never quite as good as this." He grinned as the main course of roasted chicken was brought out. "And the company is much more improved here."

"I hope the other officers have begun to treat you better." I cut into my own chicken, collecting some of the sauce with it. "They were rather standoffish when I met them."

"It's taken time," He shrugged, "But they have." He told me about their trip over dessert, candied fruit that crunched when you bit it. The trip had been relatively calm, at the start. A storm had sprung up three days out of New York, and Captain Fraser had fallen ill briefly, which meant it had been up to Will to see them through it. "The waves were nothing worse than I had faced, although I had to give orders to drive the engines harder to keep us afloat. You use quite a bit of steam to force your way through those waves."

"Well, I'm glad you're alright." We had quit the table by then, retiring to the parlor with a last drink. "But you stayed on schedule, it seems."

"Yes, thanks to Moody." He chuckled, sipping his whiskey. "The fourth officer had gone down to inventory the remaining fuel and reported back to me that at our normal rate we wouldn't make Southampton and would have to ask for someone to share their coal. James didn't believe him and went down to check himself. The fourth officer hadn't even gone to the bunkers, he'd taken the engineer's word that we would be short." He shook his head at that, "They always tell us we'll be short. You should have seen Captain Fraser light into the fourth when James told him that we'd be fine."

"It sounds as if it was a good trip for you both then." I smiled, finishing my wine and leaving it on the table. I leaned down, pressing a kiss to his cheek. I could feel the stubble on it, pricking against my lips. "I'm headed down, and I cannot wait for my tour tomorrow."

"Neither can I." He muttered, draining the dregs of his whiskey. I could feel his eyes on me as I climbed the stairs, his footsteps close behind me. I paused in the hallway between our rooms, waiting. He approached slowly, brushing his fingers across my cheek. I saw his eyes flash, the blue in them clear. "I still can't believe it's the damn dog in your bed instead of me."

I stepped back, smiling. "Well, tomorrow it will be me in yours."

I had Louise button me into a simple dress, only wearing my pearls around my neck. She clucked over me as she pulled my hair back into a simple braid, pinning a straw hat to it. "You're dressing awfully simply today, Miss."

I brushed a little powder over my face, "Will is taking me on a tour of the ship, I just don't want to get coal dust over anything nice."

"Ah, I assume Mr. Keller will be joining you?" Louise has a very knowing smirk on her face, "Or perhaps some of the other officers?"

"I believe Mr. Moody is joining us, a friend of Will's." I stood, adjusting the skirt so that it hung down nicely. "I'll be fine Louise, you've met Will. He's the most honorable man I've ever met."

"Then you have a very pitiful list of male acquaintances." Louise muttered, but she shooed her hands at me. "But let him know, Reggie is keeping an extra sharp eye out. As am I, Miss Anastasia." Unwilling to tell her exactly how small my list of honorable male acquaintances actually was, I was unsure exactly how much of my history had been revealed to her, I bit my tongue and walked out. Will was already waiting in the foyer, his uniform freshly pressed and the buttons shined.

I watched as his eyes roved up and down me, feeling a flush that starting spreading over my whole body. "Will, you look very well turned out today."

"As do you," He replied, putting his hat on as we stepped out. He waited until we were in the carriage to continue, "I can't wait to peel that dress off you."

"I've been warned that we'll be closely watched when we return." I let my hand drift to his arm, giving it a squeeze. "We'll have to be careful."

He snorted as the carriage entered the street, "We were as careful as two people could be before, and they still caught us."

"They caught you." I chuckled, "As far as my mother knows I've never even seen a naked man, or had a man touch me under my clothes."

"Well, I believe I have first claim on both of those with you." He snaked an arm around my waist, pulling me to his lap. "And I intend to press a number of claims later." He began nuzzling my neck, letting my pearls run under his lips. "God, remind me to take these off before. I'll break them, I just know it."

"Will," I pressed against him. "We have to look respectable when we get out, you know that."

He latched his lips onto my neck, licking and sucking his way up to my jaw. "A kiss Ana, a proper kiss, and I will leave you until we reach the ship." I nodded, and I could feel his grin as he brought his lips to mine, not even waiting until he stroked his tongue against mine. His hands were pressing me tight to him, one hand rising to my shoulders and the other tight on my waist. I could feel the flush from before turning into the heat of desire, and I moaned a bit into his mouth as the hand on my waist dropped to knead at my rear.

"Ana," He groaned, pushing on my rear to try and set me to a rhythm.

I was panting a little, "Will, later."

"Just a little," He begged, one hand rising to my breast. He blinked, looking down at how his hand seemed to mold perfectly to it. "A brassiere?"

"You said you wanted me to buy some." I muttered, using the momentary break to slide off of his lap. "I figured one would be better for today, I know you hate lacing me into my corset." That seemed to render him speechless, although he kept his hand around my waist. He did keep his hands to himself once we reached the offices, and he was friendly to the staff as we headed past them to the docks. I put a hand to my hat as I looked up at the ship, the smell of fresh paint in the air. "Did she suffer any damage in the storm?"

"Nothing but some lost paint." Will grinned, gesturing for me to step up the gangplank before him. "She's a tough girl, those waves didn't even give her a dent." I let him take the lead once we reached the gangway, following him up through the various hallways until we reached the bow of the ship. He led me up a few staircases, bringing me to the chart room behind the bridge that all the officer's rooms opened onto. He stopped in front of a door, grinning. "So here's my bunk, would you like to step inside?"

"Will, I would actually like to get a tour of the ship." I lifted an eyebrow at him. As much as I wanted to spend the entire day letting him ravish me in every way but one, I had only really seen the ship under construction and through her plans.

He blinked, then gestured at a door towards the bow of the ship. "Ah yes, right through there is the bridge. And, oh look, here's my bunk, let's head in." With that he grabbed my hand, pulling me towards him.

I stayed firm. "Will."

"Ana, good God, do you know how long I've been waiting to get you alone?" He rushed forward, turning me and pinning me against the wall. I could feel his breath on me, his hands on my hips and he pressed himself to them. He was already firm against me, and he rocked a little to relieve himself. "Ages, Ana, I've been going mad with want."

I curled my hand around his head, "If you've been able to survive that long, then surely an hour won't do much more harm?"

"I will die every second." He murmured, but he did pull back. His breath was already coming quick. "Fifteen minutes. You've seen a coal bunker before."

"Thirty." I replied, arching an eyebrow as a hesitant look came across his face. "And you can take off my dress when we go to your bunk."

He pulled his watch out of his pocket, studying it intently. "Thirty minutes and not a second more. You should just be glad that I'll take the time to lock the door." He was still holding my hand as he began to lead me back through the innards of the ship. He pointed out the passenger cabins, plain but serviceable rooms that would satisfy the kind of clients who took cargo ships. He grinned as I shivered slightly when looking in the refrigerated holds, stepping behind me and wrapping his arms around me. "We need to go get you warmed up." He hands drifted to my breasts, rubbing them.

I tried to suppress the warmth that was racing through me with his touch. "Then perhaps we should see the furnaces." I could hear Will snort behind me, but he did lead me further down through the ship to the boiler rooms. They were deserted, the ship only having enough boilers running to supply her electric dynamo plant. Which meant that the crew of firemen were mostly gone. I could feel Will behind me as we entered the darkened room. "See? Much warmer."

He didn't reply, just dropping his lips to my neck and pressing me tight against him. I tried to keep my breathing quiet as he began to rub himself against me, his hips thrusting shallowly against mine. But then his arm was around my waist, his other one tipping my head back so he could latch his teeth around where my neck met my shoulder. I let out a moan at that, clutching his head to keep him there.

"Five minutes." He whispered, his voice quiet. His hands suddenly tightened, pulling me into one of the darker corners. I turned in his arms, pressing my lips to his neck and rocking my hips against his, feeling the desire build in me. Will's hands dropped to my hips, stilling them. "Quiet Ana, someone's here." I froze, listening closely. There was a faint whistling, echoing across the boiler room. One of Will's hands dipped into his pocket, pulling out his pocket watch. "Time's up anyway."

"Get me to your cabin." I demanded, and he quickly started us back up. I would have thought he would have pulled me behind every corner, or thrown me up against a wall, but he led me on the fastest route up. He only stopped to unlock the door to his cabin, ushering me inside while he locked it behind me. I took in his room, the bed up against one wall, a wash stand, a chair and a desk with an electric lamp on it. A large window took up one wall, but the shutters outside were closed. I looked over my shoulder, "It's rather cozy."

I shivered as I felt his fingers move to the buttons of my dress. "When I was first officer with White Star I had all this and a sofa."

"Well," I muttered, feeling the buttons fall away one by one. "I wouldn't want anyone to think you're getting special treatment." I smiled to hear him chuckle, his fingers dipping under my dress to slide the sleeves down my arms. "Will, my necklace." I heard him grunt, his fingers rising to unclasp it and place it on his desk. His fingers swiftly had the brassiere on the floor, the petticoat following it. I looked down at him as he came around front, his hands slowly rolling down my stockings. "Will, hurry."

"No." He replied, unbuttoning my shoes and gently guiding me to lift each foot while he removed both the shoe and stocking. "Today I am not hurrying this, Ana. Not when I have you here." He stepped back, taking a seat in his chair. "I want to savor this." I had started forward, only making my way out of my pile of clothes when he held up his hand. "No, stay. I want to look my fill."

The thrill that raced through me as his eyes drifted over me again and again, lingering on my breasts and the swell of my hips, had me breathing quick. I could see him beginning to strain at his trousers, and he made no argument when I stepped forward, settling onto his knees. His eyes were wide as he brought his arms up around my waist, his hands lingering on my back. "Ana, go back. Stand there for me again."

I shook my head, moving my fingers to his tie. "Will, I need you. Right now."

"Please," He muttered, his eyes closing briefly as his head lolled back. I rolled my eyes, trailing my fingers over his neck. He moved quick as lighting, gripping me around the waist and lifting me as easily as he would his pipe. I groaned to feel him press me up against a wall, the brass buttons digging into me as he drew me into a savage kiss. I wasn't letting him win though, holding his head tight as he angled his head to dip his tongue into my mouth. I felt his groan into me, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. The buttons were rather uncomfortable, but that the moment I hardly cared, not when I felt him begin to thrust himself against me. He only pulled back briefly. "The bed?"

"The bed." I nodded, setting my feet back on the floor as he released me. I peppered him with kisses as I began to undo his tie, popping his collar off and beginning to push the brass buttons through their holes. He seemed content to let me continue without his assistance, using the opportunity to drop his hands to my rear and knead it, guiding me in to rub against him while I worked his jacket off. He was panting as I slid the suspenders off his shoulders, quickly unbuttoning his shirt. His trousers were next, the buttons on his fly a bit difficult but he hardly seemed to care that I spent a little extra time caressing him through the fabric as I worked them loose. I knelt down as I worked them down his hips, turning my attention to untying his shoes. He stepped out of them, holding his feet up to let me pull off his socks.

I looked up at him, his length flushed and straining up against his stomach, a bit of seed already leaking from it. I let my fingernails trace their way up his thighs, rising slightly onto my knees. His clothes made a decent padding for the floor, and I watched as realization crossed Will's face as he finally understood what I was planning. "Ana," He breathed, his fingers already in my hair as I pressed a kiss along him before taking the head of him into my mouth. I let my hands clutch at his rear as he groaned loudly, feeling the muscles clench as he began to thrust himself in time with my bobbing. I moaned around him as he gently pulled on my hair, and I chanced a glimpse up. His head was thrown back, and I could hear him whispering curses as he groaned. "Fuck, how can it feel this fucking good?" I grinned at that, redoubling my efforts and hearing him begin to moan in time with his thrusts. "Agh, agh, uh, Ana, my God." He started to twitch in my mouth, and his hands were suddenly pulling hard at my hair. I let him go, leaning back and looking up. "If you don't stop I'm going to finish already."

"Don't you want to?" I sat back on my haunches, until he reached down and lifted me up.

"Not yet, I want to draw it out." He pulled me close, his manhood hard between us as I wrapped a leg around him. He dropped a hand under my rear, lifting me and carrying me to the bunk where he laid me down. I curled my arm around his shoulders, intent to pull him down on top of me but he pulled away. I couldn't even speak as he kissed his way down my neck, then to my breasts. I groaned as he began suckling at one, his hand kneading the other. "I've missed these, every day. I'll never stop wanting them."

"Will." I muttered, holding his head tight to me as I arched up into his mouth. "God, I want you all the time." He switched to the other breasts, his tongue circling my nipple as it hardened. Any words were lost to me for the moment as I felt the heat begin to burn through me, a warmth that was spreading outward from my stomach. The warmth became a fire as he kissed his way down my stomach, burying his face in my curls. I opened my legs wide, my knees in the air and my head pressing hard into his pillow as he began to stroke me with his tongue. I couldn't even open my eyes as his tongue brushed against that bundle of nerves, his lips gently sucking on it before returning to his exploration. I almost shouted as I felt him press two fingers into me, stroking quickly even as he kept licking at me. "Fuck!"

"Shh," Will whispered, his head rising briefly. "There are other people on board."

I shivered as I felt his fingers keep curling inside me, a moan ripping its way out. Panting, almost delirious with desire, I lifted my head briefly and pressed his pillow across my face. I didn't even care that it covered my eyes, they were already clenched tightly closed as I felt Will's tongue begin its devilry again. My hips were bucking, the clenching in me building to a fever pitch. When Will sucked on me, it broke. I screamed into the pillow, my body seizing around his fingers and shivering as wave after wave of pleasure rushed through me. I cast the pillow aside as I began to catch my breath, tugging on his shoulders to pull him up. He came eagerly, his tongue in my mouth and the taste of my desire on it. I eagerly opened my legs wide, letting him settle between them as he continued kissing me. He was hard and hot against my thigh, and he began to thrust against me.

I started, clutching at his shoulders. "Will."

"Ana," He dropped his head down, kissing me roughly as he kept thrusting.

I pulled away, "Will, stop for a minute."

He stilled, breathing hard as he pulled back. "What? Do you not like it?"

"No, I do." I shifted, pulling my hips away from him. "But you almost went in me." I pressed my thighs together, trying to think through the haze of pleasure currently dominating my mind. "Maybe like this?"

He looked down, taking a moment to press himself to the line between them. He gave a groan as he slid between them, bringing his head back down to mine. "It's nice." I brushed my fingers over his cheeks, latching them around his head as he began to thrust deliberately. Soon enough his face was growing strained, his breathing rough as he began thrusting even harder against me, his hips like a piston as he drove himself up and down. He pulled back quickly, his seed spilling onto my belly as he came. He panted for a moment, reaching back for a handkerchief and wiping it off me. "Ana, God." He threw it to the floor, laying himself on top of me.

I wrapped my legs around him, reveling in the weight of him on me. "Will, you're going to leave that here, right?"

"Yes," He murmured into my neck, "And several others will be joining it before I let you go."

"The staff will start to wonder soon." I whispered, pressing my cheek to his. "And not just the ones at the house."

He groaned, with exasperation instead of pleasure for once. "Why did I have to fall in love with a rich woman whose servants are far too obsessed with helping her maintain her virtue?" I grinned as he pressed himself harder against me. "It would be far easier if you were simply a modest merchant's daughter, I could have had you three times today then."

"And why did I have to fall in love with an overly amorous Scotsman?" I chuckled, feeling him laugh into my shoulder. "One who keeps coming to my rescue and then deploring that he cannot wait until our wedding in less than, let me think, nine months? We could dress ourselves later, but for right now I just wanted to linger the in the afterglow of sweat, seed and pleasure. Will shifted off me, letting me curl around him and press myself to his shoulder. I could feel that lethargy overcoming me, my eyes sliding shut and my mind at peace as he held me close.

Chapter Text

With a careful eye towards our appearance, we'd managed to return to the house with no one the wiser as to what had happened. I pretended not to notice how closely Louise was examining my dress, and my petticoats, when I'd gotten changed for dinner that night. She had said nothing though, and Will and I had exchanged our usual chaste kiss after dinner before heading to bed.

Will and I were in the library later that week, overseen by a maid dusting the shelves, when Peggy opened the door. I looked up rom my book and Will looked up from his latest project, a model of the Anastasia that he had started, as a swirl of black fabric swept in. Mother took a seat between the two of us. I tried to avoid the way she arched her brow at me. "Well, I heard you gave my daughter a tour of the ship."

"I did." Will nodded, setting the small pair of forceps he had been using aside. "She wanted to see everything."

"Did she?" Mother turned to me, "How many refrigerated holds does she have?"

"Six." I answered, remembering Will's words as we had walked downstairs and trying to keep the memory of his hands gliding over my breasts to warm me up away. "They weren't completely cold when I was aboard, but there were still quite chilly."

"And her electric plant?"

"A steam driven turbine dynamo." I furrowed my brow, "Mother, what are you trying to get at?"

"I simply wanted to ensure that Mr. Murdoch gave you a very thorough education onboard." She looked over to Will. "Although I suppose a couple of hours is a sufficient time for a tour. I certainly hope that you never felt you had to cut anything short." I barely managed to keep my jaw from dropping. There was no way she could know, no way. She just had to think that maybe Will had stolen a few kisses. Any evidence had been left onboard, Will's sheets and his handkerchief had been left for the stewards to send off to the laundry. They had joined an already large pile of linens from the rest of the crew, and Will assured me that he was not the only man to put a handkerchief used in that manner in the laundry.

Will nodded, and I could see a flush on his neck. "Ana was a very receptive audience, she took in everything I had to say." At that I flushed, or at least I felt like I did. Catching my eye, Will gave Mother a grin. "Although I was not expecting you to be joining us today, Mrs. Dalian."

"Yes, well, you probably will not be pleased to hear what I am here for." Mother sighed, turning to me. "My dear, I'm afraid you will have to represent us at the opera this year."

I groaned, "Mother, surely we could skip it." Seeing the way she was glaring at my posture I sat up straighter. "After everything that has happened, we can just make our donation. No one would expect us to attend."

"We donate, which means we attend at least the opening night." Mother, her shoulders set, remained firm. "I cannot attend, not in mourning as I am. And for our family to skip the opening night, after fifteen years of regular attendance, it would reflect badly on us. So, it is up to you to represent us." She looked over. "And Mr. Murdoch. Will a chaperone be needed?"

"They're doing La Boheme! I don't speak Italian, I'll have no idea what is going on." Ignoring her comment I grabbed for any excuse that I could. "And you know the Reichsters will be there, Sophie was already bragging about her opera cape and I haven't been able to get anything. She asked me to come to their box, for God's sake."

Mother very calmly held up a hand. "You don't speak Italian, French or German. You've said the same thing when it was Faust and then Wagner." She ticked the excuses off on her fingers. "You do have a new opera cape, it came in our order from Paris. If they come to your box you will be pleasant, but noncommittal. You have been trained on how to do that. You're going, with William." She looked to him. "Again, will you need a chaperone?"

He shook his head. "No, Mrs. Dalian. We will not."

"I am afraid your uniform will not suffice for this occasion. White tie, tails and a top hat." I saw a smirk break out on her face as Will groaned, "Reggie has already arranged for them to be ready. This does mean that you will be staying home from the next trip though, I have already informed Captain Fraser."

"I suppose it could be pleasant." Will sighed, looking over to me. "It will allow me more time with Ana, which I dearly enjoy."

Mother snorted, and for a moment I was shocked to hear such an unladylike sound from her. "Spend time with her all you like, but you will be expected to be seen with her. Not keep her in here, where you might be able to hide away with her." She glanced to me. "I should like to read about you two in the paper. Carriage rides in the park, dinners out at places you will be seen, perhaps you might even get an invite to a ball after the opera."

"It's no use fighting her on this." I said as I resigned myself to my upcoming fate. "She's as stubborn as a mule."

Mother smiled at that, "I quite happen to like mules. Hardworking, dependable, surefooted. There are far worse to be compared to." With that she swept from the room as quickly as she had come, leaving Will and I alone.

His model lay forgotten on the table, while he looked over to me. "I want you to be honest with me Ana, exactly what am I in for?"

"In terms of the people or the opera itself?" I reached over for the small knife he had been using to cut pieces for the model, wanting something to do with my hands. "The people will be just like the ones we met in Newport, in fact they'll be the same people. Just a bit more dressed up. And the draw of the opera is not the opera itself, but visiting and watching everyone else with your opera glasses."

"And the show?"

"It's about two artists who fall in love, but one of them is dying and everything is all so tragic. That's as much as I could gather from the various showings I've seen, I can't understand the songs." I turned the knife around, using it to clean underneath my fingernails. "I wouldn't worry about it too much, the people we'll meet aren't the ones to interrogate you about exactly what character you preferred."

"Hmm." Will rose, coming to sit next to me. He took the knife, replacing his hands around mine once he had set it down. "I won't feel comfortable without something to protect you, are you sure my sword is not allowed?"

"Not unless you want to have everyone scared." I squeezed his hand. "We'll be fine, we can have people visit our box. I know a lot of the men like to go to the bar the entire time, and the ladies like to visit as many boxes as they can, but if they ask why I will simply tell them that you don't want to miss a second of your first opera."

"As if I will understand a word of it." Will snorted, "Although I may get some of it, I do have a little Spanish. Haven't used it in years though, but it might be close enough to Italian."

"Well, I will be looking forward to seeing you," I grinned, "Finally in a top hat and tails, oh you'll be so handsome."

He groaned, collapsing back in his chair and dramatically closing his eyes. "I'll look a fool, and you know it."

I stood, coming to sit primly on his knees. He sighed as I brushed my fingers over his cheeks, latching them around the back of his head. "It's not for another week, and we can finally do something normal." He gave a content little sigh as I dragged my fingers down the back of his head. "I think a carriage ride tomorrow sounds lovely."

"Does it have to be an open one?" Will, his eyes eyes still closed, raised an eyebrow at me. "I'd much rather keep you all to myself."

"It does, and you know it." I chuckled, rising from his knees. "Now, I am going to go pick out my dress for the opera."

"Not the one you wore to the Reichster's in Newport." He was on his feet in an instant, his hands on my shoulders as he gripped them tight. "I don't want to see you wear that out again."

My voice was quiet as I looked up at him, "You want me to save that one for you?" At that he crushed me to him, his lips harsh against mine as he twisted a hand in my hair. I opened my mouth, gladly letting his tongue slip in and begin to stroke against mine. I sighed into him, feeling myself almost collapse into him as he pulled me tighter to him. Two more weeks of him, of getting chances to do this, it sounded like heaven. Two weeks of him being here, safe with me and these little stolen moments.

He had just lifted me to a table when a voice called out from the stairs, Peggy sounding rather flustered. "Miss Anastasia! Miss Vanderbilt is on the telephone, she wants to talk about the opera next week with you."

"Damn it." Will grunted, stepping back and gesturing for me to get down. "Go deal with it, I'll clean this up. And order the carriage for tomorrow, I want to take you out." I sighed, slipping off the table. That would be a downside, we would not have places to truly be alone. With the ship gone, well, we couldn't exactly retire to his bunk. The bitter taste of disappointment on my tongue colored my voice as I started to speak to Liz, and it took me a moment to force it down.

The carriage ride was not the most pleasant. To start, it appeared that every other socialite had decided to take her carriage to the park. Then it had been the hottest day yet during summer, or at least it felt like it. The air was thick and humid, not a breeze to be had, and I was panting in my walking suit as the carriage slowly moved forward it fits and starts. My parasol provided little shade, and the large hat was heavy on my head. Even Rigel was panting in the heat, curled up on my lap with his pink tongue lolling out of his mouth.

Will, sweating next to me even in his light summer suit, cursed. "I've had enough of this damn heat." He stood and reached back, jerking the cover of the carriage up and providing us with some shade. "And yes, I know that we're supposed to be seen being out, but I am not having you red as a tomato at the opera." He sat back down, mopping at his sweating brow with a handkerchief. "I doubt you've been burnt enough to tan instead of burn."

"Have you?" I asked as I closed my parasol, pulling out a fan and trying to stir a breeze for the both of us. I even shifted Rigel to cool him a little. "You were so pale when I met you that I could practically see the blood flowing underneath your skin." I didn't mention the only other time I'd seen him paler, that morning of waiting in the cold. "Although you have gained some color, it looks good on you."

He leaned back into the bench. "I can assure you Ana, I have been sunburnt plenty of times in my life. My first trip out with my father," He chuckled. "I could barely stand to wear my clothes it hurt so bad."

"Well, perhaps I should get sunburnt on our honeymoon." I quirked my brow up at him, enjoying the flush on his cheek. "Unless you want me to be clothed the entire time."

His voice was barely a whisper, "I don't want you clothed now. And I don't want to have this damn open carriage." I giggled as I leaned into him, not caring about the heat at the moment. He sighed, curling an arm around me. "God, every person and their brother must be here today."

"Perhaps we should go to a museum instead." I waved the fan, glad for the slight movement of the air. "It has to be cooler than this."

Will looked out for awhile. "I have an idea." He stood, talking to the driver for a minute. We pulled off of the crowded carriage path, heading deeper into the wooded areas of the park. When the carriage came to a stop, Will handed me out. "I think a picnic in the shade would be much preferable to sitting in the sun for any longer." He even lifted Rigel down to the ground, handing me his leash.

I watched him grab the small basket we had brought, simple food and a few bottles of lemonade. "We don't have a blanket."

"I'll throw down my jacket for you." He replied, swinging the basket over one arm. "A knight protecting his lady from evil grass stains." I laughed at that, finally cool as we searched for a spot in the shade. It was much less crowded here, although there were other couples and families that had the same idea as us. Eventually Will found a place he liked, a shaded rise that afforded a decent view of the lake. He slipped his jacket off, sweeping it onto the ground. "My noble lady."

"Why thank you my gallant knight." I said as I sank gracefully onto his jacket. Rigel flopped into the grass, laying almost flat. Will sat cross legged across from me, opening the basket and passing over a cold chicken sandwich. I pulled a small piece off for Rigel. He sniffed it, then snapped it up. Will took one for himself and we kept the lemonade bottles in the basket so they wouldn't spill. I smiled after I finished my sandwich. "This is nice, just sitting here and enjoying the day."

"I'd be enjoying it a lot more if it wasn't so hot." Will snorted, but he did smile. "Although it is nice to spend time with you, I'd rather be here than spend another day in that storm."

"A day in a storm?" I cocked my head, "You said it was only a brief one."

He winced, "I may have sanitized it a bit. It may have lasted a couple of days, although it really wasn't that bad after the first one." He held up his hand as I felt my mouth screw up. "Really Ana, I've been in worse. It was hardly a hurricane, just a big storm. We were fine."

"Captain Fraser was sick the whole time?" I said after biting down my initial anger.

He nodded, "As was the entire captain's table from the night before. Something in the food. Really though, he trusted me to see everything through. He said so himself." He started in on how the storm was fierce to start but as they made their way into it the storm had eased up and really had simply been a lot of rain. I kept my lips pursed as I watched him. Him, essentially captaining the ship, through a storm. I tried to forget what it was like being on a ship during a storm, the way the Star had lurched underneath me and how I had felt my stomach drop every time she crested a wave.

"Then perhaps you'll make captain sooner." I mused, after he had run out of steam. "Although I do hope Captain Fraser isn't going to give that fourth officer too hard of a time. It sounds as if the ship was rather out of sorts."

"He dressed him down in front of all us, but I think he's understood what to do the next time." Will slurped down another slug of lemonade, although the sour look on his face had nothing to do with the drink. "God, hasn't he gotten it through his thick head?" Rigel perked up as well, a growl erupting from him.

I glanced behind me, seeing Zachary in a linen summer suit escorting Sophie, dressed in a white billowy dress, across the shaded park. Directly towards us. I sighed, taking a drink for myself. "Don't hit him this time, there are witnesses." He didn't reply, simply grimacing. I plastered a fake smile onto my face as I turned around. "Your Highness, Zachary, isn't today just lovely for a picnic?"

"Oh, but it is!" Sophie smiled widely, "Although you seem to be lacking a blanket, please join us." She gestured to Zachary, spreading a massive checked blanket across the grass. "We have a delightful feast packed, roast turkey and ham, cheese, and we even brought some wine! Although we did only bring two glasses, perhaps you wouldn't mind sharing?" She glanced down. "And I remember our playful little fellow here." She waggled her fingers at Rigel, who ignored her, coming to sit on my lap.

"I think we're alright." Will said, not getting up to join them on their blanket. "We actually just ate, and Ana's cook made us some wonderful lemonade." Sophie nodded, letting her skirt swirl artfully down onto the blanket as she sat. Zachary was already lounging on the blanket, a glass of wine in his hand. Will raised an eyebrow at him, "I hope you've been showing Her Highness a good time here in the city."

"He has!" Sophie clapped her hands, grinning. "He has let me go to the most delightful stores and we've been to the theater and the cinema, not to mention the wonderful restaurants. And the opera next week!" She straightened, turning to me. "That is actually why I was so glad to notice you over here, Zachary mentioned to me that you only know English and I would hate for you to not be able to understand the performance. I would be glad to join you in your box and translate for you."

"Ah, well, it's really not necessary." I demurred, "I've been attending these for years, I find the story is able to translate through the music fairly well."

"But the poetry of the words!" Sophie reached over, touching my arm. "You miss so much when you do not understand them."

"It's quite alright." Will looked over, "The opera is more of a spectacle than a story, isn't it?"

"I suppose." Zachary drawled, "Although it's probably more than you can handle." I watched him nibble at a piece of turkey, following it with a swallow of wine. "I can't imagine you've ever seen the like, being from Scotland and all."

"We have our own form of entertainment, and I'd be glad to list off a number of Scottish artists if you need reassurance of our skill." Will almost snarled at him, "Although I wonder if your nose is comfortable enough to put up with all the talking I hear goes on at one of these. It still looks rather tender. How did you break it again? I'm afraid I never quite heard the story.

Zachary's glare was ignored by Sophie who launched into a story. "He was so brave, he broke it saving me!" She looked to him and sighed, her eyelashes fluttering. "I was getting off the yacht and I slipped, I almost fell between the boat and the dock but he threw himself down and caught me, even though he hurt himself." Again, a dreamy sigh and she looked to me. "Oh, I was so terribly frightened that I was going to fall and drown! I don't know how to swim very well, but then Zachary came in and risked his own safety for mine. Really Anastasia, you don't know what it's like to have the man you love save you from certain death."

"Actually, Your Highness, I do." I stood, picking Will's jacket up from the grass and handing it to him. "And in a far more desperate situation. Should I tell you how he lifted me into the lifeboat even as I begged him to come with me? How he went back to save as many as he could, almost losing his own life? Or maybe you would like to hear about how I found him almost frozen, and how he said he would be happy simple to see me one last time before he died? Forgive me if I cannot equate that with you almost getting a dress wet." By the end of it my voice was as cold and icy as that water had been, any sympathy gone. Rigel stood, shaking himself as he joined me.

She paled. "Oh, no, I didn't mean to-"

Will turned to Sophie. "Yes, Your Highness, I was fully ready to die that night, content only with the knowledge that Ana was safe. I almost did die, several times. I'm not sure that Zachary here was ready to lay down his life for your safety. Or if he ever will be." With that he stood, pulling his jacket back on and picking up the basket.

Zachary leapt to his feet "I will not sit here and be insulted by some jumped up sailor who shouldn't even be speaking to one of our class, let alone marrying her!" Rigel lunged, only stopped from snapping his teeth around Zachary's leg by my pulling his leash back tight. He settled for growling at Zachary as he started toward us.

"I've got far more class than you in my little finger." Will stepped forward, glaring at Zachary. I watched his hand ball into a fist. "And more honor. Or do you want your fiancée to truly learn what a miserable, conniving little worm you are? I'm sure she'd love to know how you really got your nose broken."

Zachary glowered for a moment, but stepped back. "You're a bastard, a complete and utter bastard." With that he sat back down on the blanket, pouring himself another glass of wine. He filled it to the brim, some of it spilling onto Sophie's skirt. She gave a little cry as she pulled it back, but he snorted. "I'll buy you another, just eat the food."

"I will come visit you at the opera." Sophie called after us as Will and I started back to the carriage, but I didn't turn back. Will did stop though, his hand winding around my waist as he crushed me to him. I brought my hand up to him as he pressed his lips to mine, holding him close as he kissed me for all the world to see. I heard Sophie gasp, but I hardly cared. Let her gasp as I thrust my tongue into Will's mouth, as he pulled me tighter to him and mercilessly kissed me. My heart was in my throat by the time Will pulled back, settling all of us back in the carriage before it started for home.

As the carriage pulled out of the park, Will picked the basket up. He searched for a minute, finally pulling out a small piece of cheese that must have fallen off a sandwich. He offered it to Rigel, "He's a good dog, although you should have let him bite Zachary. Little prick deserves it."

I watched Rigel snatch up the cheese, then start sniffing Will's hand for more. "He would have kicked him, I can't see him hurt." I sighed, collecting Rigel back into my lap. "You know I'm going to have to call Mother when we get home."

"Why?" Will reached over, scratching Rigel's head. He grinned down at him, "Gille math."

"It might show up in the paper, and I want Mother to know that 'an intimate moment' was only a kiss." I did smile, considering it. "Although what a kiss Will, what ever possessed you to do that?"

"I wanted to show him exactly how much he affected me." Will snaked his arm around my waist, pressing his lips to my cheek. "Not a damn bit." His lips moved to my ear, his voice a whisper. "And that you're mine, as much as I'm yours."

Chapter Text

The night of the opera had come, and I was currently waiting in my aqua silk gown downstairs while Louise finished brushing down my cape. Rigel had decided that it looked like a good spot to sleep, and had managed to pull it down from where it was hung and curled up on it. Meaning that it had gotten wrinkled and covered in hair, and I was merely relieved that he hadn't managed to spot it with his slobber. He was getting bigger, and he had developed quite an attachment to both Will and I since he had been in from the ship. In fact, Will was currently playing with him, tugging on a rope and managing to keep his tuxedo clean while he did it. Louise reappeared from the stairs with my cape, white silk and fur, beaded designs tracing the sleeves, and she hurriedly tied me into it. "A thousand apologies once again, Miss Dalian. I should have noticed that he had pulled it down."

Will chuckled as she shot a glare at Rigel, "And he's only going to get bigger. And hairier."

"Lord preserve us." Peggy sighed from where she was waiting at the door. "Are you sure that you won't let me keep him in the kitchens, Miss Anastasia?"

"Oh, no." I replied, giving Rigel a scratch before pulling my gloves on. "He's so attached now, I couldn't."

"Then at least out of your bed?" Peggy asked as she took Will's top hat from Reggie and handed it to him.

He grinned at that, "The only way you're going to get her to kick that dog out of her bed is to bribe her." With that, he took my arm and we both got into the waiting carriage. I managed to arrange my cape so that it wouldn't wrinkle during the trip to the opera house, and I reached over to adjust Will's lapels. He caught my hands as I did. "You look beautiful, by the way."

"Thank you," I replied, straightening his lapels and letting my hands rest against him. "You look very handsome."

"I look a fool." He snorted, flicking a finger against the brim of his top hat.

I adjusted the angle of it, letting it rest back on his head. "No, you look like a debonair man about town taking his girl to a show."

"I look like a stuffed penguin put out on display." He shook his head, "And I feel like one, the coat is far too tight and I swear I worry about tearing the tails off it as I walk."

"You will do fine." I sighed, noting the white gloves he wore. Unlike mine, he could at least wear cotton while my arms were covered in soft white kid leather. They were beautiful and they clung to every curve of my arm, but it also meant my arms were bound to sweat a lot tonight. I smiled, lacing my fingers through his. "At least Rigel didn't get your vest all covered in hair."

"He didn't because I don't let him have the run of my rooms." He slipped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "Honestly, why Charles had to bring you one of the hairiest breeds, let alone the largest, during summer, I will never know."

"He said he had a friend who bred them." I said, "Besides, even you are starting to warm up to him."

He grinned, "Rigel does seem to have a good nose for people. Although you really should have let him bite Zachary, would have served the little prick right."

"If he comes at me when you're not here, I will let him bite away." I settled further against his shoulder, "But it is nice to have something to hold at night, and he makes the sweetest little snuffles against me when he sleeps." I could feel Will shake his head at that. "Really Will, I haven't had a puppy in my entire life. Can't you just let me enjoy this?"

"I'm all for you enjoying him. But if you let him get away with things when he's a puppy then he's just going to think he can do it when he's bigger."

"I'm just letting him sleep on the bed."

"And get you covered with hair." He reached over, plucking an imaginary hunk of hair off of me. "See? Soon you'll have more of his hair on you than yours." I laughed, watching the city slip by as we drew closer to the opera house. The crowds began to get nicer, ladies in gowns and men in suits parading down the sidewalks, all headed toward the same spot. The opera house was a magnificent achievement of architecture, every column surmounted by a curling top and statues of the Muses watching the crowd coming in. I almost heard Will grit his teeth as the carriage pulled up outside, an attendant opening the door. I tried to give him a smile as he handed me out, although I did almost laugh. He did look rather foolish in his top hat, after seeing him without one for so long. He caught my eye, "Ana, if you start laughing I swear I shall rip this thing off right now."

"Oh Will, it's just so-" I pressed my hand to my lips, muffling the laugh that was threatening to escape. It took me a moment to collect myself as we swept inside, the lights dancing off the gilded decorations. "You just look so handsome."

He snorted. "Ana, a single laugh and I will stomp it flat."

"I wasn't laughing." I shook my head, feeling the golden fringe of my earrings dance against my neck. "Oh look, the Vanderbilts." I waved, seeing Oscar and Liz begin to make their way across the foyer towards us. Liz was dressed in a pink gown that fell down to her ankles, revealing a spotless pair of white shoes. I stepped in for a hug, "You look lovely."

"As do you, that cape, my word." She replied, stepping back.

Will nodded to her, "Hard to believe an hour ago it was covered in black dog hair."

"Dog hair?" Oscar chuckled, "Since when have you ever had a dog?"

"I've had him for a few weeks now." I smiled, thinking about Rigel snuffling into my skirt. "He's a wonderful puppy."

"He won't be a puppy for long though, and he's going to be big." Will had a very knowing smirk on his face, and he looked to Oscar. "A friend took me writing to him about my concern for Ana's safety as an excuse to bring her a dog. For her protection, he said. But the he is a fairly fierce thing, almost bit Zachary the other day."

"Almost?" Oscar grinned, "It sounds as if he needs better training then."

"Oh stop it you two," I swatted at Will's shoulder, "Zachary would have stomped him if I hadn't pulled him back."

"Don't pull him back next time." Oscar replied, "With some luck we might be able to end the whole Reichster line." I blushed at that, and I saw Liz turning a bit red as well. I had never thought that Rigel would go for, well, that area of Zachary's body. My initial concern had just been for his safety, not for what damage he could do. But the way Oscar was smiling I could tell he wasn't that serious, especially as he rolled his eyes. "Although I am going to have to play nice with him tonight, don't be surprised and don't let on about it."

"Why are you playing nice with him?" I asked, taking Will's arm as we started to climb the steps up the boxes. Oscar and Liz joined us, our group almost taking up the whole of the marble stairway. "After the party I'm surprised he would even speak to you."

"Well, I lied about drinking a bit too much." Oscar snorted, "As for why, I'm afraid I can't reveal that Anastasia. I'd ruin your wedding present."

Will's steps stuttered for a moment, "A wedding gift?"

"That's all I will say on it for now." Oscar grinned, "I should hate to ruin the surprise."

"The gift wouldn't happen to be his head on a platter, would it?" Liz spoke up, "That would be a lovely gift."

"I'm afraid not, Salome." He shook his head, "Ah, our box. We'll come visit during the second act." The two of them had stopped in front of one of the priciest boxes, a uniformed attendant opening the door for them. Our box was further down one of the wings, although it was no less luxurious.

The attendant at the door bowed as we stepped up, "Miss Dalian, we have the box prepared as you like it. Will you be accepting visitors tonight, or will you be visiting?"

"We will be staying." I nodded to him, "Mr. Murdoch has never seen an opera, so I want to make sure he get his fill." The box was almost two separate rooms, divided by a curtain. The first one where we entered had hooks to hang my cape, a stocked bar with sparkling crystal glasses, a supply of cigars and ashtrays and chairs for visitors to sit. The area beyond opened up onto the audience, plush velvet chairs that could be moved to provide the best views. A set of opera glasses was on each one, to be used for the standard purpose here, watching the other attendees and judging them. I looked over to Will as I untied my cape, "Well, what do you think?"

"It's like everything else I've seen with you," He poured a finger of scotch into a glass, "Completely luxurious and beautiful. I've never felt more out of place."

I hung the cape on a hook next to his hat, "You fit in just fine."

"I stand out like a sore thumb." I watched him sip at his scotch. "I'll say the wrong thing or do something to make them laugh." He settled into one of the chairs, and I moved to sit next to him. "You should have just left me at home."

"And come here on my own?" I gave a laugh, reaching over to touch his hand. "It would be torture." Will didn't look over, considering the amber drink in his glass. I tried for another tactic. "Besides, it's only for tonight. I give the tickets away to people in the company, it's just the opening night I have to go to."

He took a long draught of his drink. "Ana, you're forcing me into a place I don't belong to."

"Don't belong?" I furrowed my brow, "Will, you belong here more than any of the others."

"Ana, this is your world." He downed the dregs of his scotch. "Not mine. This is your box, not mine. The house? Yours. Hell Ana, even my bed is yours." He didn't even look over, staring off at the bar. "My job is yours Ana, my salary is yours. This is all your world, none of it mine. Nothing here is mine."

I blinked, withdrawing my hand. "Will, everything isn't just mine."

"But it is, Ana." He stood at that, moving to the bar and pouring himself another drink. "These are your people, the Vanderbilts are your friends, this isn't even a place that I would bring you." I watched the scotch splash into the glass. "Even the dog is yours. Nothing I've seen for the past week I can call mine."

I stood, coming to the bar and stepping in front of him. I heard the bottle thud onto the bar top as he stepped back, his eyes flicking away from me. "Will, that's a lie and you know it. We're engaged, everything is ours. It's not mine, it's ours."

"It will be ours when we marry, I'll grant you that." He ducked his head, looking away. "But not matter what I do I won't fit in with this crowd. Years from now and they'll still snicker at me."

"And I don't care." I reached over, touching his chin and bringing his face up. "And besides Will, you do have something that's all yours."

"What?"

I brushed my thumb over his cheek. "My life, Will. You saved me that night, and I will always be yours for it."

He caught my hand, pressing a kiss to it. "Sentimental as ever, my darling." But he did smile though, even as he reached around me for his drink. "But if you're mine, then I'm yours."

I snorted, stepping into his arms. "Now who's being sentimental?" I smiled into the kiss he pressed to my lips, sighing as he brought his drink around and sipped at it. "Really Will, I don't want you to think that nothing here is yours. It might not be legally, for the moment, but in my mind it already belongs to the two of us." I chuckled, "Besides, you've got the house in Southampton. And everything in it, including your bed."

He spluttered scotch out for a moment, grabbing a napkin and mopping his face as he set his drink down. "Ana, good Lord."

"We could spend part of the honeymoon there, if you like." I reached for his tie, tonight a stiff white silk bowtie. It wouldn't work to pull him in, but I still saw him stiffen as I adjusted it. "I do miss that squeaky old bed." I could see a flush beginning to creep up his neck. "And all the things we did in it. Don't you?"

His voice was quiet. "Of course I do, Ana. Although we have my bunk now."

"Your bunk will work for the moment, I suppose." I sighed, twisting my head. "But I had such a crick in my neck after laying there. I don't suppose they'd be suspicious if I bought you a thicker mattress?"

"Unfortunately I'd hate to give Moody any reason to look closer at me. I might scar the poor boy for life." Will chuckled, sipping his scotch. He looked up as the lights began to dim. "It's starting." We made our way to the seats, and I swept my opera glasses up into my hand. I started to look around, noting that Oscar and Liz were accompanied not only by their parents but by the elder Vanderbilts. I could even see their scandalous cousin Alfred next to Oscar, a drink in his hand and his tie already undone. As the orchestra began the overture I swept my glasses over the other boxes, Astors, Fishes, all of the new money crowd had crammed themselves into their boxes. The Reichsters were present, all three of them and Sophie who was dreamily sighing against the railing as the curtains opened.

I cut away from them, looking to the stage. The actors were beginning to come out, their voices rising and falling in song as they started. I dropped my glasses, sighing. "Well, we've got hours of not understanding a word ahead of us."

"It's not so bad." Will had been examining the stage with his own glasses, although he did turn to look at me. "The music is quite nice." I had to nod at that, it really was lovely. Usually by now I was already in the back with a glass of wine while Father and Mother watched the show. But it was nice to sit here with Will, hearing his murmured comments as the opera continued. The costumes really were nice, and I enjoyed watching Mimi's dress swirl around as the actress sang.

I looked over to Will, "Can you understand anything"

"Not a word." He replied, smirking. "Perhaps we should send down to Sophie for her translation services. I have noticed that she keeps looking up here." I chuckled, pulling my glasses up and looking to their box. She was currently looking up here, as was Henry Reichster.

My glasses fell to my lap, my eyes immediately fixating on the stage. "He's looking up here too."

"Younger or elder?" Will almost growled, pulling his glasses around to their box.

"Elder." I lifted my glasses, looking down. I could see a grin spread across Henry's face, and he stood and bowed elaborately toward us. I heard Will's chair scrape back, and I saw his hand form a fist next to me. Henry seemed to consider him for a moment, before he raised his eyebrows and turned back to the stage. Will was still standing though, and I looked up to see him glaring down. "Will, sit."

"I told him that he should leave if he sees you."

I sighed, slipping my hand into his and tugging on it until he sat. "You don't exactly have your sword at the moment, and he hasn't even done anything but look around. Everyone is looking around."

"Go get your cape, I don't like him looking at you." Will's hands curled around the arms of his chair. "Better yet, here, take my jacket."

"Will, just watch the show." I sighed, placing my hand on his arm and squeezing it. "Ignore him." He settled back with a grumble, although he made it very obvious what he was thinking about when he gripped my hand tightly. The show continued on, Mimi and Rodolfo enjoying a dinner and their newfound love while their friends tormented a government official who had the bad luck of being the patron of one of them. At least, I assumed that was happening, it was rather hard to follow without knowing the language so I was forced to follow each actor and remember them by their costume. As the act finished, the curtain came down the lights up. I stood, stretching. "Intermission."

"Mmmm," Will followed me back into the visiting room, stepping behind the bar. "Wine?"

"Please, we have another two acts to get through." I rubbed my fingers to my temples, and I wished Will would hurry up with the wine as the door opened. Intermission was the preferred time for visitors, so it did not surprise me when the attendant let a couple of guests in. I turned to look at them, "Zachary, Sophie, I hope you're enjoying the opera."

Sophie, glittering in a bronze silk gown, breezed up. "It is simply marvelous, and the story is so touching, don't you agree?"

I nodded my thanks to Will as he set a glass of white wine down for me, noting how he came around the bar to stand by my side as Zachary came up. I took a sip before speaking, "Yes, it's quite lovely."

"If rather overwrought." Zachary snorted, then looked to Will. "No drinks for your guests?"

"I'm sure you've indulged in your own box." Will sat next to me, putting his arm around my waist. "Besides, the last thing I want you to have in you is a drink."

Sophie giggled, "Zaza does get rather silly when he drinks, I came over to find him dancing to a record one day!" The two of them sat in the plush chairs, leaving Will and I on the stools. She pressed her hands to her lips as if to control her reaction, "I do think you would enjoy it much more if you knew what they were saying though, please let me stay and translate for you."

"I'm afraid not, Your Highness." I shook my head, "Besides, I would hate to deprive your soon to be in laws of your company."

Will straightened, "Speaking of them, tell your father to stop staring at Ana. I'm surprised the whole theater hasn't noticed."

"Oh, he was just admiring Anastasia's beautiful gown. Mother has been after him to find out where she got that one she wore to the party, he was curious if this one is by the same designer." Zachary waved off his comment, grinning back at him. "Is it? It suits her so beautifully."

I had just reached over to grab Will's arm, I had no doubt he was going to swing at him again, when the door opened again. A much more welcome voice rang out, "Ah, well William if I had known you had these guests here I would have hurried over sooner." Oscar came in, smiling ear to ear. "After all, we all know how popular Her Highness here is. And Zachary, you're still good for that poker game later, right?"

"Oh, I'll clean you out." Zachary stood, gladly shaking Oscar's hand. He practically ignored Liz, who came and sat next to me. Zachary gestured over towards those of us on the stools, "I was simply accompanying Sophie here to offer her translation services to 'Stasia, but we were refused." He sighed dramatically.

Oscar shrugged, "I've offered to translate for her for years, but she's never taken me up on it." I fought against the blush that was attempting to stain my cheeks, trying to forget the year that Oscar had sat next to me, whispering the lines in English and holding my hand the whole time. Oscar grinned down at Sophie, "I'd be pleased to escort you two back though, and perhaps sample some of your brandy. I was only bringing Liz up."

"That sounds pleasant." Zachary stood, and after helping Sophie to her feet, thankfully left.

I turned to Liz, "You'll have to thank your brother for me."

"For the both of us." Will snorted, finally pouring a scotch for himself. I gestured to Liz with my glass, but she shook her head. Will stayed behind the bar though, sipping his drink. "So did you just come here to visit?"

"I came to ask why you didn't invite James." Liz turned to me, "I would have thought you'd invite him."

I took another swallow, "Because James isn't going to be the head of our family, and because I'm not marrying him."

"But he would have loved it!" Liz screwed up her face, "He's probably never seen anything like it, and I was hoping to see him somewhere that wasn't your house."

Will took a sip, and considered his drink for a moment before speaking. "Liz, I have been wanting to ask you something." He set his drink down, looking at her directly. "About James, and your intentions toward him."

She gave a nervous laugh, "I think you have this backward, Mr. Murdoch. Isn't James supposed to approach my father?"

"I don't want to see him hurt." His voice was serious, "He was with me that night, and while his parents are back in England, I feel that I should watch out for him here." His brow furrowed for a moment. "Liz, I know your Ana's friend, but I have to ask. What are your intentions toward him? If you are just playing with him, I must beg of you to stop it. He doesn't need to get hurt anymore than he already has been."

Liz, who had been slowly turning pink throughout the entire speech, took some time to find her voice. "I am not playing with him, Mr. Murdoch. James is a very kind man, and our letters have been very pleasant to exchange."

"Liz, even if things between you sour, don't let him get hurt." Will finally came out from behind the bar, standing in front of her and holding her gaze. "That's all that I will ask you about it, and all I will ask of you."

She nodded, "It's fine, Will. I know you care about him." She giggled as he blushed a bit, although she started as the lights dimmed and then flared back to life. "Ah, intermission is over. I should get headed back to our box."

I took her arm, sweeping her towards our seats. "Liz, if you leave I don't think I can manage another two acts. Now, tell me everything you know about what Oscar's doing, he was up here with Zachary earlier and I swear the lies were obvious enough to smell them."

Chapter Text

It was getting colder, and Will mentioned that the storms were getting worse out there. The trees were already beginning to turn in the parks, a mark that the coming winter would be a cold one. Rigel had decided to stop shedding quite so much, and was now up to my knees and quite fluffy. I made a point of brushing his coat every other day, which he clearly enjoyed by the way he licked me after. It kept me from worrying about Will out in the storms, although whenever I made my way down to the ship she looked resilient. I had remarked that to Will once, when we had laid curled around each other in his bunk. We didn't do anything, my monthly had made an appearance, but it was nice to simply talk to him by ourselves. He had chuckled, "She's a tough girl, much like her namesake."

"Yes, so tough." I had rolled my eyes, "I'm sure I could put up with storms every few weeks. Just plough right through them."

Will had sighed, "With those corsets you wear, you probably could." It had only been a short time later that he had set out again, and the cold breezes had begun to blow throughout the city. I bid farewell to my breezy summer dresses, pulling out my heavier dresses and coats again. At least the fittings for the wedding gown had ended, I would have hated to have to stand in Paul's studio in that short sleeved gown while he adjusted it. He had promised that it would be ready for the portraits by the new year, that his seamstresses were embroidering almost night and day to get it finished.

I was simply thankful that I didn't have to return until then.

Especially when the Anastasia came in, and I was so swamped with business that I couldn't come down to greet him. Rigel lay curled up by my desk, his head on his paws as he watched me scratch away at the papers on my desk. I had barely managed to look up when I heard my door open, and a packet of letters was flung onto my desk. Oscar didn't even ask for permission before he threw himself down in the chair across from me, his hands in his hair. "Anastasia, what is your man doing?"

"Will?" I looked away from the letters, "He's overseeing the unloading of the cargo. And I'm busy Oscar."

His hand slapped down on the desk. "No, that Moody! He's been writing my sister." He took the packet, waving it in front of my face. I could see Liz's name printed carefully on each of the envelopes. "Without asking permission!"

"He did ask." I replied, leaning back in my chair. "He asked her permission, which is all that he needed." I tried to pin him down with a look, "What are you doing with her letters anyway?"

"You know Liz, she never gets anything but magazines and then a few months ago she starts getting letters, almost every week!" He dropped back into the chair. "I was only lucky that she was out today and I was able to sneak these out of her rooms. I just wanted to be sure that she wasn't being seduced by some rogue." Oscar sighed. "He works for you, Anastasia! And he's a sailor, you know what sailors are like!" He held up his hands as I looked up harshly. "Not that Will's like that, or even him. But you know what people think about them! And you said you knew she was writing him."

"Oscar, why is this your problem?"

"Because she's my sister! The last thing I want is for her to get hurt."

"Are you sure she'll get hurt from James? You obviously read the letters, did he say anything hurtful in them? Anything to make you think he would harm her?"

He blushed, looking away. "No, he didn't. But I still don't like him writing her without asking my parents."

"Oscar, if you don't say anything to her about this, I will." I stood, grabbing the packet of letters and throwing it into his lap. "You violated her trust with this."

He looked to the packet, picking it up and standing. "Anastasia, you call him up here right now and I will tell her."

"You're not forbidding him from writing her, Oscar." I said, gesturing to a clerk outside to come in. "We're not in some Gothic romance." I looked to the clerk as he poked his head in, "Please ask Mr. Moody and Mr. Murdoch to come up here." Standing we both wound up looking at each other for a moment, "Oscar, you can't do this to her you know, she has her own life."

He stepped closer, and I felt his hand cover mine where it was placed on the desk. "She's my sister, I look out for her." His eyes found mine, "As I look out for you."

I looked away, unsure of the way he was looking at me. "I know you do Oscar, but she can't stay your little sister forever." I pulled my hand away, looking over as the door opened again. Will looked completely at ease, coming to press a kiss to my cheek, but poor James had gone white as a sheet when he saw Oscar. I looked between the two of them, "Oscar, be calm."

He swallowed, staring at James as he held up the packet of letters. "You've been writing my sister."

"I have." James's voice jumped a bit, but he stood firm. "She asked me to."

I heard Oscar breathe in harshly, "And your intentions?"

"I," James gulped, "I should like to court her, someday, if she should like it."

"You have three days," Oscar walked right up to him, "Three days to speak to my parents about courting my sister or I will tell them. And they won't look kindly on you." He didn't even wait, the door slamming behind him.

James didn't even wait a moment, coming right up to my desk. "Miss Dalian, please, please help me. Liz is so kind, and she's so thoughtful in her letters. Help me win her parents over, please."

"Mr. Moody," I pressed my fingers to my temples, "I think this is a case where you have to prove yourself."

"I can't speak to them, they're Vanderbilts!" He thrust his hands into his hair, "I'm just a boy from Scarborough, they don't even know where that is!" He sank into the chair, "Speak to them for me, tell them to let me keep writing her."

I looked to Will, he shrugged although he did have a smile on his face. I sighed, "I can help you figure out what to say, but you have to go into it on your own." He groaned at that, and I could feel the headache coming on. "Perhaps it would be best if you came to the house for this week, so I can help you work on what you want to say."

He nodded, rising out of his chair and heading to fetch his bag from the ship. Will, his own bag at his feet, watched him. "Poor kid, he's absolutely terrified."

"You weren't scared when you had to talk to my parents." I replied, packing my papers up in my bag. I'd finish dealing with them at home. "You did it right over dinner that night."

He chuckled, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around me. "I could barely think I was so frightened that he might say no. And when I asked he looked so angry."

I leaned back into him, "He was protective." I pushed away the tears. "But he did approve of you."

"After threatening to send me back home in the cargo hold." He chuckled, "Come on now, I can see Moody with his bag out front." The carriage came around, picking all three of us up. Peggy didn't seem to mind the extra guest, although I could tell Will was fading as we dat down to dinner.

I touched his arm, "Are you alright?"

"Had to stand an extra watch early this morning, and then the unloading." He yawned, pulling his soup to him. "It's just catching up to me." He was obviously exhausted, and by the end of the meal he could barely keep his eyes open. I sighed, watching him try to talk James out of his fears, telling him about talking to my parents. He spoke slowly, "Just tell them your feelings for her, be truthful. They'll appreciate that."

"But what if they ask what I can provide?" James stared down at his empty plate. "I've got an apartment in Southampton and a bunk on the ship here, that's the extent of it."

I stood, "James, they're not in a position that they'll ask you that. We can talk tomorrow, but I think poor Will here is going to fall asleep at the table." I turned to him, brushing my fingers against his hair. "No pipe for you tonight, you need your rest."

He groaned as he stood, slowly straightening. "I need to talk to Peggy first, you head on up." He pressed a kiss to my cheek, slowly ambling out of the dining room. James made his excuses, heading up even before me. I was grateful that Louise was waiting with a nightgown and an extra blanket on the bed, and that Rigel was already burrowed into them. He was a wonderful bed warmer.

I lay curled up in bed, Rigel in my arms and my eyes shut when I heard the door open. Sitting up, I tried to peer through the gloom, a set of footsteps drawing close. Will didn't even stop at the door, instead coming straight to the bed. He paid no mind to me when I gasped as he took Rigel from me, placed him on the floor, and took his spot. Rigel was whining loudly as he drew me into his arms, his eyes shut and a grin on his lips. I stared at him, "Will, what is going on?"

"I'm attempting to get some sleep." He muttered, pulling me tighter to him. "As should you."

I heard Rigel's claws on the wood, and I could hear him sniffing at the edge of the mattress. "But Rigel-"

"Is perfectly fine to sleep on the floor. He has his pillow out in the sitting room." He sighed, sinking further back into the pillows. "God I've missed this." He snuggled a bit closer to me, "I can't believe I let Peggy talk me down to four days. I should have a week."

I shifted in his arms, "Will, it's not that I'm angry to have you here, but what in the world are you talking about?"

He blew out a breath, "I told Peggy, if you keep letting that dog sleep in your bed, you're going to be covered in his hair all the time, as are your clothes and your blankets. And he's only going to get bigger, which means more hair. And heaven forbid he gets fleas or ticks and they hop into you. She was more than willing to allow me a few days in your bed, so long as you promise to keep him out of it the rest of the time." He yawned widely. "I also promised her that nothing untoward would happen, not that I'm wanting to do anything tonight. I'm bone tired Ana, and you are awfully warm." Will nestled me against him further, his breathing becoming deep and slow. I did my best to ignore Rigel whining at the edge of the bed, although he eventually made his way to his pillow. Instead I tried to focus on Will's arms around me, the way his chest moved as he breathed in. I smiled, curling up against him. He may have thought I was warm, but he was a veritable radiator.

James tried to corner me at breakfast the next morning, desperate for any help. Over a full spread I tried to help him as much as I could. Richard Vanderbilt and Moira were not exactly the most democratic of people, both had come from large successful families. I looked at James over the mug of hot chocolate, "They were both the younger children though, not the main heirs. So they may look a bit kinder on you for that."

"But Liz is their only daughter, surely they want her to make a match with some heir." He grumbled, looking down at his eggs. "She's mentioned it."

"Oh Liz has gone through a number of courtships, but she never decided on one." I shrugged, "That's not that unusual for our set. Usually you look at the available options, take your time, and then you pick one. Heiresses are always popular, some of them marry nobles and move to Britain. They come back for the season with all kinds of airs."

"Oh God." James buried his face in his hands. "She could become a Duchess, there's no way in Hell her parents would look at me."

I grinned, "Actually, they just might."

His head popped up like it was on a spring. "What do you mean?"

"Oscar gave you three days to speak to his parents. The Astors are holding one of their costume balls in a couple of days, I'll take you with me and you can speak to them there." I leaned back, picturing it. "You can wear your formal uniform, and I can arrange for a sword for the night. All of the Vanderbilts will be there, and I'm sure that we can get you to a room with them to plead your case."

"A costume ball?" Will looked up from his plate, "I take it we have to go?"

"Yes, but you'll be spared the costume." I shook my head, "It's really just for the ladies. Your formal uniform will be fine, not even your Reserves one." He shook his head at that, mumbling something about foolish parties that were happening far too often. I looked back to James, "You have today and most of tomorrow to practice what you want to say."

"But I don't know what to say!" He stood, starting to pace the room. "I can't speak like those people, all put together and everything. I'll fumble my way into saying something wrong and then she'll not even write to me anymore."

"Then write it out." Will said, watching him. "Read it over and over until you know it by heart."

"Did you do that?" James stopped, turning. "To Anastasia's parents?"

Will flushed a bit at that. "Well, I may not have written it out but I thought about it over and over the entire day before I met them."

I smiled at him, then looked to James. "Write it out, and if you want I can read it and let you know how it is." James spent most of the day in the library after that, although after a while by himself he came down to ask for Will's help. I occupied myself with brushing out Rigel, reviewing reports and generally trying to focus on something other than my curiosity over what the two of them were discussing.

Just before dinner, James came to my sitting room, a piece of paper in his hand. He set it down on the table, then buried his face in his hands. "Here, read it. I can't do this, Miss Dalian, I just can't."

"It will be alright." I said, picking up the paper. He hadn't written it as a letter, and even the final copy had a few lines scratched out and rewritten, but it was still perfectly legible.

Mr. Vanderbilt, Mrs. Vanderbilt, as you probably know I have been writing your daughter, Elizabeth. I met her at Miss Dalian's, during a dinner party. I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She was wonderful company during the dinner, and even when she brought up the sinking and saw the effect it had on us, she was so distraught to have reminded us of it that I reassured her that everything was fine. It was after that that she asked me to write her, during my trips away. She asked me about the sinking, if I would be willing to discuss it, and she listened.

I told her of my fears from that night, and the nights after, and when I begged her to distract me from them, she wrote me about all of you. Oscar, bold as brass and twice as stubborn, you Mr. Vanderbilt, proud of his children, his wife and his business, and you Mrs. Vanderbilt, who could ferret out the tiniest bit of gossip that might help a friend. I had hoped to continue writing Elizabeth, and perhaps one day ask to court her, but it seems that is what I must do tonight. I beg of you, her parents, to please allow us to continue our correspondence and to allow me to court her when I am in New York. She is a gem among women to me, I swear to you I would never hurt her or do anything to see her come to harm. I am only a humble sailor, but I can offer her nothing more than myself. I only hope that you will think is enough.

"Oh James," I had to blink rather quickly as I set it back on the table, "This is beautiful. I'm sure they'll say yes."

He still hung his head. "No, add to it. Make it better, you can do it, you know them."

"But then it would be me saying it," I stood, coming to sit by him and place a hand on his shoulder. "And it's you that needs to tell them. You'll do wonderful, I'm sure of it."

"Will helped a bit with it, but are you sure it doesn't need anymore?" It took a bit of chiding to get him to agree to leave it as is, and he spent much of the next day memorizing it. I spent it relaxing, mostly. The Astor's costume balls were not to be missed, they were a highlight of the season. My costume, an elaborate powdered wig and silk gown to turn me into Marie Antoinette, lay waiting in its box while I adjusted my hat in the mirror. Will's uniform was rather tight on me, especially around my breasts where the coat buttons strained over the shirt and waistcoat beneath it. I checked that the sword was fastened one more time, I'd pass it off to James before we left and changed the angle of the hat once more. Will was right, the bicorne was a foolish looking hat and even I could not manage to find an angle where I didn't feel it suited me.

Will's rooms across the hall were open, and he hardly looked over his shoulder as I walked in. He was adjusting the lapels of his suit, looking at a book he had open on his desk. "Reggie, could you grab my handkerchief? The one from Ana?"

"Oh I don't know where you keep it, Will." I grinned, "Although that's hardly a way to address your superior officer."

At that he spun around, his eyes wide. I watched him look me up and down, his eyes growing darker as he did. "Ana, good God. Don't tell me you're wearing that tonight."

"It's my costume." I gave a little spin, smiling. "What do you think?"

"I think I want to peel it off you." Will closed the distance between us quickly, his hands quickly moving to the belt. "God, get it off." He only left for a moment to lock the door, before attacking me from behind as he kissed at my neck.

I chuckled, moving back to the bed and waiting for him to join me. "You know, if I knew you enjoyed seeing me in these clothes I would have arranged for a gown for you tonight." At that he surged forward, tipping me back onto the bed and slipping the belt buckle loose. The sword clattered to the floor, and Will quickly reached up to swipe away the hat. "You didn't like it?"

"I liked it too much." Will sighed into my lips, pulling back only slightly. "Although, you did look a fool."

"That's hardly the kind of talk to get you a promotion." I shook my head as I stood, letting him resume my old position of sitting on the bed. "Well, Mr. Murdoch, I take it you approve?"

At that he grabbed my tie, pulling on it and bring me down to his level as he crushed his lips to mine. "You are not wearing this out of the house." He pulled me back into the bed, flipping himself over me as he began to unbutton the coat. I let him, content as his hands quickly shoved the breast of the coat open so that he could work on the waistcoat. He had started on the trouser buttons when a key clicked into the lock.

Peggy's voice cut through the haze I was in, "Mr. Murdoch, please let Miss Anastasia up so that she can get changed." I chanced a look around his shoulder, seeing Peggy standing in the sitting room, her eyebrows raised.

"Peggy, I was just getting Ana here ready for Louise." He muttered, sitting up from the bed and leaving me bereft.

"Yes Mr. Murdoch, I'm quite sure you had the door locked simply to preserve Miss Anastasia's modesty." The sarcasm was palpable in her voice, and I gave a groan as I sat up. "Louise is waiting for you, go." She cast a look to Will as I shuffled past, "I will need to have a word with him."

I stopped at the door, "Don't be too hard on him Peggy, I was the one who decided to rile him up."

Chapter Text

My costume was a beautiful confection of powder blue silk, golden lace, and filmy ruffles, and the wig towered high with ostrich feathers, pearls entwining around the curls. It did have a downside though, the wide skirts and their supports meant that I had an entire bench of the carriage to myself, and that I was almost bent double to save the wig. Will found it an amusing sight, and he was trying to distract James from his worries by voicing his thoughts. "Come on now, James, surely you think this is rather funny? Ana can't even raise her head to look at us."

"I can still hear you." I muttered, my head hunched down to preserve the wig. I could tell that we were both waiting for James to say something, to comment on the ridiculousness of my costume and the position it put me in, but we were disappointed. All James seemed to be focused on was the paper, he had been reading it over and over all day, and I could see him mouthing the words of it even now. Watching im was straining my eyes though, so I went back to studying their feet.

The carriage eventually pulled to a stop outside the Astor's massive house, James and Will heading first. Will called out from inside, "You should probably put the wig out first, and then yourself Ana." I bit my tongue, he was right and I did have to maneuver the wig out before I could follow it. I took in the sight of all of us, James with Will's borrowed sword, Will in his charcoal gray suit. It was very well tailored, and I let my eyes linger on him for a moment. I had a feeling that we cut a fine couple as we headed in, James trailing in our wake. He at least managed not to gape at the opulent surroundings, the plush carpets and polished wood. The three of us joined the line to meet the Astors, and Mrs. Astor smiled widely when she saw Will. He nodded to her, "Thank you for yet another invitation, Mrs. Astor."

"Of course, Mr. Murdoch." She reached out and patted his hand. "It's always a pleasure to have you join us. And Anastasia, such a wonderful costume. Although I'm afraid I have not met your friend back there."

I stepped aside, gesturing to James. "This is our dear friend James Moody, James this is Mrs. Astor."

He actually bowed, Will's sword sweeping back behind him. "Thank you for allowing me to attend, ma'am. Your house is wonderful."

"It's a house." She shrugged, "It's the people that make it wonderful. I hope you have an enjoyable time, Mr. Moody." We all nodded to her as we moved off to the ballroom, taking in all the various costumes represented. I saw Madame de Pompadour talking to Cleopatra, a shepherdess flirting with an older man in a suit, it was enough to make one feel heady, as if unstuck from time as mythological figures danced with men in the latest styles.

"Oh, you do look lovely." A woman, dressed as a suffragette, said as we walked by. Her costume was rather undercut by her sign, reading I Want the Vote Because I Can't Get a Man. More than likely that would be abandoned by the end of the night, cast aside to dance.

I nodded my thanks, feeling Will slip his arm around my waist. Once we had passed her I sniffed, "Will, I don't think you need to worry about her stealing me away for a dance."

"I'm not, I just like holding you." He muttered, "Although, I am not a fan of her costume."

"You don't approve of suffragettes?" I cocked an eyebrow as I looked over, having to move my head slowly to keep the wig in place. "I rather admire them, although I can't exactly throw my public support behind them."

"Of course I approve of them." He snorted, "You run your own company Ana, Ada was a teacher, and my sisters would skin me alive if I said something as horrible as what I've heard people say about them. I've been surrounded by capable women all my life, I just don't approve of her making them into a joke." I stepped a bit closer to him, swinging one of the side skirts out so I could press myself to him in a brief hug. He sighed, stopping to look out over the ballroom. "Now, how exactly are we to find Liz?"

I took in the ballroom, swirling colors that resolved themselves into figures for just a moment before they vanished again. "Ah, it will be rather difficult. She did not tell me what her costume was, no matter how much I begged."

"I can find her." James stepped up, looking over to a staircase that climbed upward to a balcony that encircled the room. "If you will just give me a moment." I watched him climb up, his hand on the handle of the sword as he looked out over the ballroom.

Will squeezed my waist, "Shall we dance? It may take him some time." I grinned, letting him whirl me out onto the floor. My costume proved difficult to dance in, and we both broke down laughing at one point when I stumbled over the skirt and wound up having to hold it up to free my feet. He looked down, "Well, at least you're only showing your ankles."

"If I showed my knees you'd haul me off somewhere." I chuckled, swirling my skirts around my legs as we danced. The band struck up a tango next, and Will was more than happy to move us off after I told him I would definitely tear my skirts trying to dance it. I took a glass of water from a table, "So, what is the best costume you've seen so far?"

"I'm not falling for that." Will smiled, taking his own glass. "If I say anything but your's, Rigel will be back in your bed tonight."

"I'm serious, although thank you." I rolled my eyes, Peggy had already told me that Will was losing one of his nights this week due to our discovery earlier. I had briefly thought about slipping over to his bed for the night, although I knew I would pay for it. It would be simpler to just lose that night, Will would be home soon enough. And I could always sneak off to spend time in his bunk when he came in again.

Will considered the crowd out before him. "I can't say if it's my favorite, but that woman dressed as Mata Hari is by far the most memorable." He pointed out into the crowd, singling out a woman who was surrounded by a crowd of men. I could only see her when they shifted, revealing her in an extremely tight fitting gown with an obscene amount of jewelry draped over the very low cut bodice and curled around her hair. It was fairly obvious why she was popular, her dress left little to the imagination and portions of it were even flesh colored to create the illusion that she was wearing very little.

"Stop staring at her." I elbowed him, grinning when he looked down. "Otherwise I'm going to have to go trade costumes with her to keep your attention."

"Ana, I can't stop myself from staring. Although it's only shock rather than desire." He put his arm around my waist. "You look far more alluring when you're covered from your neck to your ankles." I laughed at that, knowing that Will would think me enticing even if I was wearing a nun's habit. I was still laughing when James found us, his eyes focused on something across the way. Will turned to him, "Did you find her?"

"Yes, she's dressed as a fairy. A pink fairy, over there." He pointed to the side of the ballroom, and it took a moment for the crowd to split until I could see her. Liz was indeed a fairy, with a pair of pale pink gauze wings sprouting from her back. A crown of fresh roses circled her head, and her dress was just as ethereal as the wings. She was having an apparently heated discussion with Oscar, her angry expression not matching her costume in the slightest. James sniffed, "I don't know how to go about this."

"Just go up and ask her if you could speak to her parents." I said, giving him a slight push. He didn't move. "Do you want me to go find her parents?" He didn't even speak, just nodding quickly. I sighed, looking to Will. "I'll be back in a moment." It took a little time to weave through the crowd, finally coming behind the pair of arguing Vanderbilts.

"You had no right to read my letters!" Liz appeared to hardly care who heard her, "I can write to whoever I want!"

Oscar drug his hand down his face, "I'm not saying you can't, but he should have talked to Mother and Father. What if he tried to seduce you?"

"He's not like that!" She snapped back, her face screwing up to launch yet another attack.

"I don't suppose your parents are close by?" I cut in, smiling at the both of them. I saw the two of them straighten up, both turning to look at me. "I would like to talk to them about something."

"They're still greeting the Astors." Oscar said, "You do look lovely tonight, Anastasia." I froze as he reached out, brushing one of the ringlets of the wig back behind my ear. "Although that wig is rather ridiculous."

"I believe that is the point of a costume ball." I smiled, taking a step back. I was saved from having to comment on him by the arrival of his parents. I looked to them, "Richard, Moira, I hate to bring this up at the beginning of a party, but I need to speak to you about something."

"Would this happen to be Mr. Moody?" Mrs. Vanderbilt raised an eyebrow, "Oscar here seems to think that we're right on the edge of a scandal because of him."

I bit my lip, "Yes, he wishes to speak to you about everything that has happened. I offered to arrange it." I pointed off to the side of the ballroom, a series of sitting rooms and drawing rooms available for guests who did not want to join in the dancing. "Perhaps we could meet in there?"

"We?" Mr. Vanderbilt looked down at me. "Are you going to be pleading his case?"

I ducked my head. "No, he is. I am just trying to help. He's rather nervous about all this." He nodded at that, the four of them moving off to one of the sitting rooms, and I could hear Liz and Oscar begin bickering as they moved off. I navigated my way back to the two of them, smiling at James. "They're willing to talk, they're over there." The poor boy looked as if he was going to be facing a firing squad, the color of his face draining.

Will stepped up, putting an arm on his shoulder. "You'll do fine, James. You've survived far worse than talking to people."

"You saved me that night, sir." His voice was barely a whisper. "I don't think I'd have made it without you."

"And I probably wouldn't have made it if you weren't there." Will shrugged, "Just be honest about what you feel, remember the speech you wrote. If they have any kindness in them at all, which if they're Liz's parents I would think they would, they'll accept you just fine." I was hoping that James would square his shoulders as he set off, drawing up his courage, but he took shaky steps as he made his way to the sitting room, closing the door behind him. I heard Will let loose a breath, "He's got to find himself in there, otherwise he's doomed."

I slipped my arm through his. "I'm sure he'll be find, although I'd be grateful to you if you could distract me from thinking about it."

"I have a few ideas on how to do that." He shook his head, smiling as he led me off to the side of the room. He seemed to consider a number of the sitting rooms, walking past several. "It appears I won't be able to use my initial idea, everything is occupied."

I stepped up, placing a hand on his shoulder as I whispered into his ear. "Will, were you planning something scandalous? I wouldn't mind if you got me out of this dress, or the wig."

He flushed, "Ana, good God. You're insatiable."

"You've debauched me, I'm afraid." I whispered back, turning to look out at the crowd. "Although not as debauched as Mata Hari over there. How she hasn't lost her dress on the dance floor, it's a miracle." I watched her as she strutted her way through a tango, her hips clearly visible even with the fabric over them. "Or I could ask to borrow it, would you like me in it for your birthday?" I furrowed my brows. "When is your birthday? I've never asked."

"The 28th of February," He drew me a bit closer to him. "And I'd rather have you waiting for me in nothing at all." He was lucky we were away from the main crowd at the ball, in a corner that was rather dark.

And intimate.

"So that means you'll be forty next year." I turned, placing my hand on his chest. "And I'll be marrying an old man."

He tugged my hand down to his waist, stepping closer to me. "And what about you? I'd hate to have your birthday come up and not have gotten you anything."

"The 30th of November." My voice dropped, focusing on his face. "I'll be twenty-six."

"Hmmm, I'll be an old lecher by the time we're married then." He chuckled, leaning down to press his lips to mine. I smiled into it, enjoying the way his arms wrapped around me to draw me to him. I couldn't help the quiet moan I gave as he slipped his tongue into my mouth, or the way that I stroked it with mine. I could feel his teeth, nibbling at my bottom lip before he pulled away. He pressed his forehead to mine, smiling. "If you'll still want an old lecher, that is."

"You're hardly going to be old." I whispered, wishing that we could share more than a brief kiss. "And I'll still want you regardless of how old you are." He chuckled, his arms slipping from around me to lead me back out to the dance floor, spinning me around in a brief waltz. We were both rather thirsty by the end, and it was at the drinks table that we were discovered. I found myself staring at the two figures making their way towards us, a blonde woman in a billowing white dress with a glimmering headdress on her head and a man in a suit.

"You look so beautiful!" Sophie gushed, "That dress is stunning."

Zachary sniffed, "Hopefully, unlike Antoinette, you won't lose your head tonight. I'd hate to see that throat cut." At his comment Will wrapped his hand more tightly around me, his face darkening. "Ah, I see you came as a gentleman tonight. No one would ever guess you're simply a sailor with that costume."

I grabbed Will's hand at that, "Are you supposed to be someone with class tonight, Zachary? You should try to stay in character if you are." I felt his fingers tighten around me, well aware that it was likely he was stopping himself from punching him by holding me.

"Zaza, you shouldn't be so sarcastic. You know tonight is for us ladies to show off." Sophie twirled after she finished, her kokoshnik shining in the lights. "Look, I'm just like you tonight! I'm the Grand Duchess Anastasia. Mother was kind enough to send me a picture of the Imperial children so I could make sure it was accurate."

"Your costume in quite lovely, although I doubt my namesake looked quite like you." I kept a pursed smile on my face as I spoke, relishing what was going to come. Part of me wondered if Sophie was really as clueless as she acted, or if it was all a play to keep us confused.

"Your namesake?" She cocked her head, her eyes focused on me. "Are you named after the Grand Duchess? I thought you were older than her."

"No, not that Grand Duchess." I grinned, "My grandmother, there's a family legend that she was a bastard Romanov."

Her jaw dropped, "A bastard Romanov? From what branch?" Of course she was concerned with bloodlines, all those old European noble families placed such a high regard on it. Connections were valuable here, of course, but even a third son, like Richard Vanderbilt, was still as worthy as his brothers. If not as obscenely wealthy as them.

"The Imperial line, my great-grandmother had an affair with a Grand Duke." I shrugged, "At least that's what my grandmother always said. We have no idea if it's true, but it is rather interesting. Don't you think so?"

"Well, Sophie here is legitimate." Zachary stepped forward, his arm on her waist. "A Duchess in her own right, not a by-blow."

Will shrugged, "A Duchess, but not a possible Grand Duchess." He smiled down at me, "If Ana here ever gets the desire to prove her bloodline, and if the Czar is feeling charitable, she could very easily become one."

"I highly doubt he'd legitimize a bastard line." Zachary snarled, "Especially an American woman, one who doesn't even speak French or Russian."

"These are quite volatile times," I smiled calmly at him, "Who knows what the coming years will hold? Perhaps you'll be having to address us as their Imperial Highnesses soon." I didn't believe it for a moment, but it was quite enjoyable to bait him.

Zachary thrust Sophie behind him, stepping forward. Will copied him, gently pushing me back as he came at him, the both of them only separated by inches. My breath caught in my throat as I watched Zachary work his jaw, "She's nothing but the granddaughter of a bastard, even if it's true it means she's nothing but a pretender. Just like you pretend to be a naval officer to make all the old ladies swoon over you. Like you pretend to be a gentleman. Fakes, the both of you."

"At least we're honest. Ana never pretended to be royalty, I've never pretended to be anything but in the Reserves." Will snapped, "How much have you been hiding from Sophie? Your friends, what you, and your father, have done to Ana? Would her brothers still be willing to leave her here if they knew what you really are?"

Zachary turned his head to stare at Sophie at that. "No matter what you hear from them Sophie, it's lies. All of it. You can't trust people like them, they lie about everything."

"Should I lie about everything you did to try and woo me?" I stepped forward, feeling a rush of anger in my breast. "How you practically were on your knees, begging me for even a slightest hint of my favor, no matter how much I ignored you?" I looked to Sophie, seeing a blush of anger on her cheeks. "Or maybe she would like to hear about how you tried to force yourself on me? How you hounded my footsteps for years after that? Or am I lying about that, too?"

"He would never do anything like that." Sophie moved toward me. "Zachary is the kindest, gentlest man I have ever met. He wrote me poems you know, he left them for me every morning in Berlin." I was aware that people were watching the four of us, not coming closer but it was apparent that we were the focus of the ball at the moment. I hardly cared, not when she was coming towards me, her eyes bright and two red spots of anger on her cheeks.

"More than likely he stole them." Will snorted, "Just like his father tried to steal everything from Ana. Even her virtue."

"You don't have your sword tonight, Murdoch." Zachary's face had drained of color. "I'd be careful what you say next."

"I don't need my sword to beat you." Will surged forward at that, his hands balled into fists. "I thought you would remember that." I was staring at Sophie, feeling my own hands begin to twitch. Either she was stupid enough to actually believe Zachary or she was acting, my money was on the second considering the way she was starting towards me.

"Gentlemen!" A voice cut through the tension, Mr. Astor staring at the two of them. "I would hope that our ball won't be sullied by bloodshed." All of seemed to freeze for a moment, the men immediately dropping out of their stances.

"Of course not." Zachary stepped back, "A true gentleman, such as myself, would never stoop so low. It's this dockyard trash here that's out of place."

"Zachary, do not make me have to have you escorted out." Mrs. Astor, on her husband's arm spoke up. "If neither of you is willing to apologize that I am afraid that I must ask you to stay away from each other for the rest of the night. If you do not, then all of you will be thrown out."

Will, standing stiffly, nodded to her. "I am sorry Mrs. Astor, he was insulting Ana. I felt I had to respond in some way."

"There are ways besides violence."

"I tried those, but they failed." Will glared across at Zachary. "But I will withdraw for now, I think I see the Vanderbilts coming out anyway." He was still stiff as he took my arm, walking away from the crowd that had gathered around us as they had scented the possibility of a fight on the air. I could feel their eyes on our backs as we headed off, and I forced myself to look ahead. I could see that Will was right, the Vanderbilts were coming out of the sitting room.

And James was holding Liz's hand.

"I think it went well." I whispered to Will, "Look at his smile, I don't think I've ever seen him this happy." James was indeed beaming as he spotted us, and I could see him squeeze Liz's hand as they started towards us. She was smiling as well, although it was a small one but focused completely on him. Liz didn't need her wings tonight, she was practically floating on her own. Oscar even appeared to be rather mollified, he at least wasn't glaring at James anymore. And the Vanderbilts looked thrilled to see Liz clearly adoring the man she was walking with.

"I should think so." Will whispered back. "Should we join them for the next dance?"

"Let them have this one." I said, grinning at James. "I told you that you would do fine."

"Miss Dalian, thank you." James couldn't seem to stop smiling, "I still can't believe it."

Liz almost snorted. "You should, unless you can't believe that we're going to the theater next time you're in town?"

"Of course." James immediately said, "I wouldn't think not to." He glanced out to the floor, "Would you care to dance?" Liz smiled, and the two of them swept off onto the floor. I knew that Will couldn't tell exactly why their stiff steps became much smoother after a moment, but the Vanderbilts and I could see that Liz had taken the lead, even as she stayed in the following position.

I glanced over as Oscar stepped beside me. "Anastasia, could we speak for a moment?" I turned to Will, but he nodded. I felt Oscar take my arm as he drew me aside, not too far from the others but enough that whatever he said would be private. He kept his hand on my arm as he spoke. "I'm sorry for my outburst the other day. It wasn't fair to Liz, or James, and especially not fair to you."

"No, it wasn't." I shook my head, "But it looks like it worked out in the end. How was he?"

He laughed, "Terrified, although Father managed to get him calmed down enough to say his piece." He looked over to the two of them circling the dance floor. "And Liz spoke up for him, he didn't even ask her to." Oscar smiled though, watching them dance. "You know why I was concerned though, right?"

"I don't have siblings, Oscar." I followed his gaze, taking in Liz and James smiling in each other's arms as they danced. "But I do understand. He clearly is smitten, as is she. They'll be fine. Now, if you want to hear a story, you should hear what Sophie is dressed as tonight."

Oscar chuckled as he led us back over, "I have a feeling you'd tell me even if I said no."

Chapter Text

My birthday found me sitting in the offices, addressing invitations to the party next week. It made more sense to me to wait for the party until everyone could be here, and next week was the time when everyone's schedules lined up. Will and James would be home, the Fields would be here, even Charles would be docked. Oscar, Liz and their parents were available at any time, as was Mother, but I desperately wanted everyone to be here.

Will had thought it rather funny to see me almost ignoring the actual day of my birth for the week after. "Ana, you could just combine it with the party I have no doubt you'll be throwing for Christmas."

"I am not doing that." I had snorted, cuddling closer to him under the blankets.

"Do you know what your birthday also is?" He had asked, pulling me closer. He hadn't even waited for me to reply. "It's the feast day of Saint Andrew, patron saint of Scotland."

I had chuckled at that, "When did you start following the saints? I didn't think Presbyterians did that."

"We don't, but there's a good number of Catholics still in Scotland and they always have a big to do on that day." I had felt im run his fingers through my hair. "I suppose I should write to one of my friends and have him light a candle in one of the cathedrals. You're marrying a Scotsman and were born on our patron's day, clearly there's something divine at play."

"Yes, we were written in the stars." I had mumbled, feeling my eyes begin to slide shut. I had planned out the dress to wear to the party, just to fool around with him. The dress from my engagement party, with a brilliant white silk shawl around my waist. Will had already told me how much he loved that dress, and he'd get a better chance to peel it off of me after this party than the last one I had worn it to.

"Miss Dalian?" I heard Mr. Keller say, having popped his head in through the door. "I have the reports from the Great Lakes offices."

I gestured to the chair. "Please, how are things up there?"

"We finished the last iron shipments up to Canada, and the ships have been laid up for the winter." He set a paper on my desk, "The Hugh Porter has a slight leak below the waterline, developed it over the summer. Her pumps have been able to keep up, but-"

"Now would be a good time to have her hauled out and fixed." I finished for him, checking the paper. Sure enough it was an order for repairs. "I see no problem with it, let them know to be sure that it's done before it gets too cold."

"Of course, Miss." Mr. Keller nodded, "And I would like to extend my best wishes to you on your birthday."

I smiled, "Thank you, although today is going to be rather calm, all things considered."

"I hope you don't mind that I picked this up for you." He reached into his jacket pocket, holding out a wrapped package. "With how you've taken over, I figured you deserved a decent one."

I picked the wrapping off, revealing a new silver inkstand. It had the scrolled D from our silverware engraved on it, and a steam ship on either side of it. I set it proudly on my desk, transferring the glass bottle of ink from the plain wooden stand to the new one. "Thank you Adam, it's lovely."

"You've been doing far better here than I thought you would." He chuckled, "I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but everything has still been as smooth as it was before." I watched him settle back, his mustache quite fluffy even before he brought his hand up to stroke it. "And I hope you'll enjoy something that I'll be bringing to you in a few months."

I shook my head, "You could tell me and I would let you know."

"Ah Miss, then it would be ruining the surprise." He stood, nodding to me as he headed back out. I was grateful for the work, it distracted me and made the time practically fly. Soon enough the Oceanic had docked and I was at the White Star offices, passing the invitation over to Charles. He looked good, his face calm and the small smile I had grown used to seeing when he had been here back on his face.

He opened it, reading for a moment before he groaned. "I missed your birthday."

"I didn't exactly tell you." I shrugged, "Besides, the party is this weekend and I know you don't ship out again until next week, so you have plenty of time to go shopping. And I know Will would be grateful if you came to the party, as would I."

"I don't suppose my presence would be enough of a present?" He chuckled, tucking the invitation away.

I sighed, "I suppose, although I am interested to see what you might bring. I was hoping to find Mr. Lowe here, did he get transferred?"

"Yes, to the Medic. Poor sod, the Australia run is a long one." Charles leaned in closer, "He's especially sore, he's got a girl back in Britain and he managed to get her to agree to marry him. Won't be till next year, and he still doesn't know if he'll get back on a shorter route after."

I grinned, whispering back. "Perhaps he could arrange for a cabin for her on the ship, I'm sure he would enjoy sailing with his wife."

"Yes, but she might not take to it as well as you would." He chuckled, "And don't worry Anastasia, I will be at the party. However on the gift, I shall have to see." A White Star clerk quickly shooed me off, since it was readily apparent that I was not there to purchase a ticket. I didn't mind too much, it gave me time to stop by the Fields house. Abe had sent around a flower arrangement on my actual birthday, so it was not that odd for me to stop by to offer my thanks.

Morgan quickly had me ensconced in their dining room, one of the little ones on my knees. Rachel thought my hat great fun to play with as I talked to her mother. "Really Morgan, you don't have to bring anything. It's just going to be a small party."

"You've turned twenty-six and you have a fiancé, pardon me if I think that might be a milestone in your life and warrant some kind of marker." She snorted, Mary on her own lap. "The question is what to get you, I highly doubt you've proceeded beyond my lessons with William."

I blushed at that, "Morgan, your children."

"They have no idea what I'm talking about." She chuckled, turning to Mary. "What would you think if I told you that I had to tell Anastasia how to kiss?"

Mary screwed up her face. "That's foul, Mama. Are you two just going to talk about kissing boys?"

"We might, would you two like to stay for that?" Morgan smiled as the two of them made almost identical sounds of disgust, instead choosing to run off and play with Rigel. He seemed perfectly willing to allow them to tug on his paws as much as they liked. "Now that they're settled, really Anastasia I'm going to be rather put out if you wind up going to your marriage bed a perfect little virgin. You know how to prevent pregnancy now, and surely you and Will have tried things beyond what I taught you." She took a sip of her water. "Have you even let him in you?"

I was quite certain my face was flaming. "I am not discussing this." I stood, brushing down my skirt so I didn't have to meet her face. "Please come to the party, as many of you as can make it." Before she had a chance to say anything in reply I was calling Rigel to me and heading back for the carriage. I was still flushed as I settled myself on the bench. Of course I would go to my bridal bed a virgin, even if it was a damned nuisance. But if I didn't, it would disappoint Mother. And while Will would no doubt enjoy it, I know it would disappoint him too. Coming back home to an empty bed left me sighing, and with Rigel on his pillow, it was even worse. Peggy had made it very clear that if Will was to be allowed his nighttime visits, even when he wasn't here, Rigel was to not be in my bed. Or in my dressing room. So I was huddled in my bed, under my blankets, wishing that Will was here.

I missed his touch, I missed the feeling of him under me as we rubbed against each other. I wanted him on top of me, his tongue on me, and my legs wrapped around him. Sometimes I grew so frustrated and wanted him so badly that even my own touch couldn't satisfy. I tossed and turned, my mind conjuring up what it would actually feel like when he took me. Which meant that when Will arrived in later that week, and I was unable to meet him due to having to go over the menu for the party with the cook, I practically dragged him into the bedroom. He didn't even have a chance to put his bag on his bed, as soon as I had gotten word that he had arrived I had fled the kitchen and took the stairs three at a time. He had just put his hand on the doorknob to his room when I had flung myself at him. His bag had clattered to the floorboards, and he didn't have a chance to speak before I had my tongue in his mouth. He pulled back, "Ana, God, what brought this about?"

"Come, my bed. Now." I wrapped my fingers in his jacket, tugging him towards my rooms. "I've been waiting for so long."

"So have I." He groaned, his hands wrapping around my waist. "Are you sure about here, though?"

I gasped as he clutched me hard to him. "I don't care." I felt his fingers finding the buttons of my dress before I noticed the sound of another pair of footsteps on the stairs. His fingers stilled, and he quickly stepped away. I didn't even have to turn around. "Peggy."

"Ah, Mr. Murdoch. We're all so pleased to see you returned, aren't we Miss?" I didn't have to see her face to know she was smiling, it was quite evident in her voice. "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to insist on Mr. Murdoch keeping to his own rooms until the party, what with Mr. Moody also staying here. I wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea."

I had to literally bite my tongue to keep from cursing. Will managed to speak for the both of us. "Perhaps we could allow it the night of? It will be Ana's first birthday without her father, I should hate for her nightmares to reappear and shock him with her fright."

Peggy considered this for a moment. "I suppose, although I will remind you that the only thing to occur should be sleeping."

The first guests had arrived for the party by the time I managed to make it downstairs. Adding the sash to the dress had proved rather complicated, and the draped beaded chiffon had been delicately lifted to allow it to pass under and wrap around my waist. It had frustrated Louise, as had my hair completely refusing to behave. But finally, after almost an hour, I was declared as good as I was going to get and managed to make it downstairs. Will, at least, had managed to greet everyone who had arrived, it was only the Fields so far. Although he and Ezekiel were discussing something quietly and immediately shut up as soon as I arrived. I glanced to Will, "What were you talking about?"

"He was just letting me know how his run has been going." Ezekiel chuckled, then stepped over to hug me. "Happy birthday, Annie."

"Thank you, Zeke." I shook my head. "And I know you weren't discussing the run, but you can keep your secrets if you like. You know I'll find out eventually."

He groaned theatrically, "Annie, don't you go nosing around."

"Then tell me."

Will put his arm around me, "I was asking him to care for Rigel during our honeymoon. Since we're going to be gone for a month, it seemed like he should at least have someone he knows to care for him." I could see Ezekiel roll his eyes and stalk off towards the dining room. Will lead us off after him, "Unless you wanted to leve him with your mother?"

"I thought we might take him with us." I shrugged, smiling to Abe and Morgan when I came in.

Will's voice dropped to a whisper. "You're not going to want to take care of him during our honeymoon, believe me." I looked to the side, raising an eyebrow. Will managed to keep his composure, but gladly took a glass of wine. The Fields and James were already sat, Abe and James in conversation over some recent cargo. Morgan at least managed to control her tongue for the moment, especially when Oscar and Liz came in. I could see her watch as James came to greet Liz, kissing her cheek. She had just opened her mouth to say something when Abe reached over, gently taking her hand. She pursed her lips but stayed silent.

Charles, coming in with Mother by his side, did not. "My God James, yet another friend looking to become a part of society."

"Mr. Lightoller, sir." James immediately stood ramrod straight, although Liz kept ahold of his hand. "No sir, I am not trying to leave my work."

"We're courting." Liz stated simply, "He's allowed a few liberties."

"I would hope more than just a chaste kiss might be occurring soon." Morgan remarked, leading both James and Liz to blush and Oscar to immediately reach for his drink. Morgan grinned at their reactions, "You could give her a proper kiss, none of us would be offended."

"Morgan Fields, my word." Mother shook her head, although she was smiling. "And you've hardly touched your wine."

"I'll let them be, for now." She chuckled, "Although it is Anastasia we are focusing on tonight."

Mother came to me, hugging me briefly. "Indeed, happy birthday my dear." That was quickly echoed by the rest of the table, although only Mother embraced me.

"Thank you, everyone." I smiled, having to resist the urge to duck my head. "I think it's time to eat, don't you?"

"I think it's time for your gifts." Mother states, holding out a small package. A number of others were pushed towards me, and I set to unwrapping. Mother had gotten me a pair of pearl earrings to match my necklace, the Fields gave over a lovely lace fan, Oscar and Liz had obviously talked to Mother for I received a lovely pair of pearl bracelets from them, and James had simply gotten me a pair of sturdy leather gloves.

He had blushed when I opened them. "I find I always need strong gloves in the winter, I thought you might too."

"They're lovely." I said as I tucked them back into their wrapping. "Sometimes Rigel pulls so hard on his leash that I almost get a burn from it through my gloves."

Will proffered his last, a small flat box. "Happy birthday, Ana. I hope you like it." I opened it, removing a silver brooch. It was a beautiful piece, silver filigree with the ships chasing the edge of it. "I had my father send it down from Scotland, fine silversmiths there."

"I love it, thank you Will." I smiled, immediately pinning it to me. "Now, dinner?" That led to a loud agreement, and the footmen began to bring in the first course, a warm and hearty beef soup. I was hoping that it would keep Morgan and Charles quiet, but the two immediately found a common pastime.

"I don't suppose Ana is going to try matchmaking for you as well," Morgan said, looking across to Charles.

He sighed dramatically, "I'm afraid that I'm happily married, although once those two get to having children," He chuckled, "Well, hopefully they'll look kindly on their in laws. I wouldn't mind a trip to come over and visit them every year once our children are married." Will was concentrating very hard on the soup in front of him, but I could see the tips of his ears flushing. I should have realized the two would become thick as thieves after knowing each other for only a moment, instead of one end I should have had the whole table set and put them at opposite ends. Charles looked over to James, "Although perhaps one of my boys might get to marry one of theirs."

James and Liz turned an identical shade of red, although Oscar chuckled. "I'm afraid you're going to be fighting half of New York, we Vanderbilts are always in high demand."

"And yet you sit here alone." Morgan smiled as the next course of steak and potatoes was brought in. "Quite interesting, Mr. Vanderbilt."

Oscar shrugged, "There's no harm in enjoying the joys of bachelorhood, and I know that I can have my pick of ladies anytime that I want."

"Your pick of ladies?" Mother chuckled, "Haven't you met all the ones in New York, yet?"

"New York, Boston, even London." I glanced across to him, "Oscar leaves a string of broken hearts behind him, I'm quite sure."

"His dance card is never empty." Liz stage whispered, leading to a round of laughter. Ezekiel began to quiz Oscar about those ladies, and Oscar began by telling an over the top story about a girl, her sister, her aunt and her mother trying to corner him at a ball in London. He said he had to escape by climbing out a window and jumping into a hug below, they were so persistent. This led into a round of amusing stories about fleeing unrelenting suitors from some of the others as dessert was brought in. I kept my mouth occupied by the ice cream covered with caramel, they didn't need my awful experiences ruining their fun. Besides, it was rather pleasant to hear Mother describe a boy trying to get her to attend a barn raising with him. He came by every day for a week, with flowers every day and Mother eventually relented.

So long as her father came with them.

"This was a wonderful party, dear." Mother said after we had retired with some cordial, "Although I'm afraid I am going to have to head home soon, I hope you won't mind."

"Of course not Mother," I smiled, giving her a squeeze. "I know you have your own things to attend to."

"And I'm sure you're looking forward to your bed." Morgan chuckled, "I heard your maid had quite the time with you tonight."

"Yes, I gave her the rest of the night off. My hair just would not behave properly." I reached up to touch the pins holding it in place. "Poor Louise." It was just us ladies in the parlor, the men had retired to the porch to share a cigar and a whiskey.

Liz twitched her skirt around her legs, "I have no doubt Oscar will be hauling me off soon, although I hope he isn't being too hard on James."

"I'm sure he'll be fine." I squeezed her hand.

Morgan sipped her sherry, "And if he is, you can have Ezekiel. I have him shipped over, and I'll even throw a bow on him." That sent Liz into gales of laughter, and Mother gave me a brief hug before she slipped away and Liz was proved right as not fifteen minutes after Oscar collected her to head off. Which left me with Morgan. She set her empty glass down, "I'm sure Abe will be by in a moment for me."

"It is growing rather late." I sighed, considering my own glass and refilling it.

"But I haven't given you your gift yet, and I had to work so hard to find it." Morgan was smiling far too widely as she stood. I felt her slip her arms around me in a hug, although one dropped rather low towards my sash. Her voice was a mere whisper. "Some inspiration for the wedding night, or a bit sooner. Be sure to look at it." I felt her slide something into my sash, adjusting the fabric to cover it. Her voice immediately rose, "Abe, Ezekiel, I am quite exhausted. Should we head out?"

"Of course, dear." Abe kissed her cheek, and both he and Ezekiel gave me a brief hug. I followed them to the foyer, passing James who was headed up for the night. I brushed my fingers over the package in my sash, it felt decidedly like a book. I stopped by the kitchen, thanking the cook and her assistants before heading for the porch. I was rather tired, but I was also looking forward to heading to bed since Will would be joining me. I paused at the doors to the porch, seeing Charles and Will discussing something over a diminished bottle of whiskey. Feeling an odd sense of deja vu, I paused in the door to listen.

Charles was speaking softly. "You know Will, never quite understood why you were so tetchy about her safety. She seems perfectly fine, even better with Rigel. And I know you love that damn dog, don't try and deny it."

Will took a long swallow of whiskey from his glass. "Charles, it wasn't pleasant."

"I'm your friend Will, you can't carry it all yourself."

Will considered his glass for a moment before downing it, refilling, and drinking half of the new pour."We had to go to Reichster's engagement party, some damn social rules apparently. I looked out for her all night, Oscar did too, but I slipped up for a moment. Some German bastard starting insulting the Royal Navy, and I just couldn't let it go. Couldn't have been more than a minute, but when I turned around she was gone. I almost started screaming for her, Lights, and I'm not ashamed to say that I pushed a number of people out of my way as I looked for her. I had to pull my sword and threaten a whore-"

"There were whores there?"

"The whole party was depraved. I wouldn't have done anything, but I told her I would gut her if she knew where Ana was and didn't say anything. She told me though, pointing me off. I had to kick the damn door down, and when I got in there, God."

"Will, you don't have to finish."

"No Charles, I'm seeing it through to the end. Henry Reichster had her bent over a desk, her skirts up and his hand between her legs. His other was around her throat. Poor Ana, my sweet Ana, I could see the tears on her face when she saw me. He kept ahold of her when I came in, groping at her until she bit him."

"Sounds like Rigel can learn from her."

"I stabbed him Charles, I twisted the sword into his shoulder and wanted to cause him as much pain as I could. I almost killed him, I wanted to. I was half crazed with rage when I wrote you about how I was worried for her. Didn't expect a dog though."

"Sylvie wanted to send a pistol."

Will groaned. "Thank God you brought the dog."

I stepped out, putting my hands on Will's shoulders. "Yes Charles, I can take Rigel anywhere. Where in any of my dresses could I hide a gun?" I hopes making light of it would relieve him, and I felt his hand snake up to clasp mine.

"I'm sure Will would be willing to help." Charles grinned, "Would require a lot of lifting your skirts."

"That's entirely off course." Will shot back, "She's right here."

"Not for long, I'm headed up." I pressed my lips to Will's head. "Feel free to stay as long as you like Charles, I can have more whiskey brought out."

He sighed, getting up. "I'm afraid I'd best be off, have my duties to attend to tomorrow."

"I'll see you out." Will stood, clapping him around the shoulders and heading off. It was a bit more trouble negotiating heading up the stairs, I had to collect my train and balance myself with the bannister. I'm sure the glasses of wine I had drank did not help, but eventually I had made it to my sitting room. Rigel was curled up on his pillow, sound asleep and completely uncaring that I had returned.

Flinging my train over the settee, I fished out what Morgan had put in my sash. It was a thin book, the title printed on the cover. "The Necessary Education of a Young Bride to Be." I muttered as I flipped it open. I paged forward to the text, and began reading. It started off rather normally, but then, oh then. I felt myself begin to blush as I read about men bending women over their knees and whipping them before taking them to bed. And it was such detailed about what they were doing, the pleasure that they were enjoying. Interspersed throughout were dirty little rhymes, and I found myself mouthing them as I read them. I flipped through, looking at the three different volumes it contained. The Pearl, Fanny Hill, and The Romance of Lust.

"What have you got there?" I jumped as Will spoke, I hadn't even heard him come in. I clasped the book to me, shaking my head. God, my face was burning. What would he think of me if he saw it? Will cocked his head. "Come on now, some poetry?" I shook my head again, getting off the settee and stepping away from him. He grinned as he came toward me, circling the settee. "Ana, don't be difficult, my dear. Let me see." I shuffled back, kicking my train out of the way. I dodged around him as he came at me, although he quickly wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me flush to him. His hands slid their way up my arms, opening the book. I heard the shock in his voice. "My God, Ana."

"I know, I know. I'm going to burn it, just give me a moment." I would have buried my face in my hands if he hadn't kept ahold of them.

Will chuckled, pulling me harder to him. "Now, now. Let's not be too hasty. This does say it's for your education after all." He paged through it, "There are some wonderful ideas in here. Care to try some?"

"You'll need to get me out of my dress first." I whispered, "You said you wanted to last time."

"You also said you wanted to cover me with your skirt and let me do as I liked." Will grinned, coming around to the front and kneeling. "I do love this dress, although I am curious. Why add the sash?"

I looked down, feeling my breath begin to quicken. "Blue and white, Saint Andrew's cross. I thought you might think it was funny."

His fingers found the hem, collecting it. "I'm afraid I think about a good number of other things than a saint's symbols when I see you in this dress." He threw the skirt over his head, burying himself underneath my chemise and placing kisses along my thighs. I let my head loll back, enjoying the feeing of him brushing his nose through my curls. I heard him mumble, "Perhaps you should sit down? I'd hate to make you fall and injure yourself."

"Yes, yes." I muttered, moving back into the bedroom. Will rose for a moment, following me and closing the door. I had barely sat on the bed before he was back underneath my skirt, his breath on me as he dragged his tongue along me. I gasped, "Will!" I knew he was grinning, even if I couldn't see him. It was arousing to feel him begin to stroke me, his hands pressing my thighs farther apart. I laid back on the bed, my legs fully spread to allow him space. I moaned as I felt a pair of fingers enter me even as he continued to stroke me. My skin broke out in sweat, my hair messed beyond belief as I began to writhe as Will set himself to his task. I jolted upright when he sucked on me though, clapping my hands around his head and pressing him to me. The clenching in my belly was reaching a fever pitch, and I came with a broken cry as it felt as if the very air was stolen from my lungs.

Will disentangled himself, smiling. "Have you been properly gamauched, as that book called it?"

"I don't know if I can move." I mumbled, laying flat out on the bed.

"Roll over, I want to get you out of this." He ordered, and I quickly complied. He seemed to savor unbuttoning the gown, his fingers slipping under me to gently tease it off. Then it was the corset. "I hate these laces."

"So you've said." I sighed, flipping over after he had loosened them. He worked the busk between his hands, and I briefly rose up to allow him to fling it away. He slipped his hands under my bottom to raise the chemise up, and it quickly followed the corset. Will paused for a moment, picking out every pin from my hair and tossing them aside.

He let his fingers wind through my hair, curling it around my shoulders. "You look so desirable with it down." He knelt again, tracing his hands over my breasts, down my thighs, and reaching the edge of my stockings. He slowly rolled them down, kissing every inch that he uncovered. I giggled as he kissed the bottoms of my feet, it tickled. He stood, looking down at me. "So you're laughing at me now."

"It tickled," I rose, wrapping my hand around his tie. "My feet are always ticklish."

Will's hands rose to his own clothing now, unbuttoning his jacket. "You should be careful who you laugh at, otherwise you might wind up an old maid."

"Oh yes, I'm twenty-six now." I sighed, reaching under to help with his waistcoat. "I've been on the shelf for so long that I should just be grateful an old widower deigned to look my way."

He fell on me at that, in his shirt and suspenders as he clutched me to him. I gave a slight scream, vainly struggling as he bore me down to the mattress. His lips were on my throat, "An old widower am I? I'll show you how old I am." I sent my hand down, tracing him through his trousers. I could feel him stiffening, and he gave a slight groan. "Although you could rouse an ancient to attention, agh, yes. Just like that, Ana."

I continued to palm him through his trousers as he began to unbutton his shirt. "I believe they called this frigging in that book, do you want me to frig your prick, Will?" He drew back at that, his eyes wide. My hand stilled and I sunk back into the pillows. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you should." His eyes were glassy, "But only here, only with us. And God Ana, of course I want you to frig me." He was tearing at his shirt now, his tie already discarded, and he shrugged his suspenders off with his shirt. I was already working his trouser buttons, and he kicked them off quickly once they were undone. With his prick now freed I quickly began to stroke it as I knew he liked, circling the head and caressing his sack. He was panting into my shoulder, his hands finding their way to my breasts. "How do you do this to me? Every time, agh, I swear, you're a temptress."

I was panting myself, feeling him bend his head down to suckle at me. "I've been dying for you, Will." I felt him thrust himself into my hand at that. "I've wanted you back for so long. Don't go out, not anymore." I wrapped my legs around his thighs, feeling him begin to twitch. "I want you here every night."

His eyes were closed, his jaw set as he moaned deep in his throat. "I want you in my bunk, agh." He broke off, thrusting himself fiercely into my hand. "I'm so close, agh, Ana." I slowed the movement of my hand, seeing his eyes pop open as he realized I wasn't frigging him anymore. "Ana, please."

I looked up at him, panting over me and slick with sweat. I brought my hand that wasn't wrapped around him up to brush against his cheek. "Will, I love you."

"If you love me," Will chuckled, thrusting himself against my hand. "Finish me." I lifted my hips, pressing him between us. I resumed my movement, letting my hips begin to roll to add to it. The movement was exciting for me too, and I was clutching Will to me as I moved against him. I felt him come, his seed spurting warm against my belly and he suddenly pressed me further into the bed, his hand slipping between us to rub fast circles around that little bud of nerves. He seemed to enjoy the way I was writhing, the moans and cries that he was able to draw from me as he introduced first two fingers, and then three into me. I almost screamed when he began to curl them in me and stroke them in and out, my hips bucking against him and my head thrashing on the pillows. The heat and the pressure that was building in me was unbearable.

I panted, "Too much, oh God Will, it's too much."

"Then come." Will chuckled, sucking on me neck. "Come for me, love." It only took him a few more movements to draw a loud enough cry out of me that he clapped his hand over my mouth to muffle it. His eyes were wide as he watched me, pleasuring me through the waves of pleasure that were breaking through me, the electric currents that seemed to sing from every nerve. He smiled, "We have to keep that book." I could only nod my assent, every part of me completely supine and unmoving. The details of hiding this could be handled in the night, before the staff came. All I had to worry about right now was how Will collected me to him as he rolled off, holding me from behind as he molded himself to me. I relaxed into his touch, feeling as he pressed every inch of himself to me. It was going to be hell to make it to the wedding, but by God I would.

But I would also indulge in this, otherwise I'd go mad.

Chapter Text

AN: So, I decided to change where the Christmas Interlude goes to make the story flow more chronologically. I also added in some stuff, so it has a little more than it originally did. Original AN below.

Well here's a fun little bit of Christmas fluff, so sweet it might just rot your teeth. Also the longest thing I've written for this story. And a bit of ambiance to play while you read, just remove the spaces, or it's the first result if you google ASMR Edwardian Christmas. www . youtube . com watch?v =fd2WvjydDIc&list= PL60VEjtIzlZf SgXQH-yoBolDjJoFf1lQ_ &index=58&t=25s

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I was quite happy this Christmas. Well, it was almost Christmas, the night before actually. The tree had been put up in the parlor, covered in ornaments and tinsel. Mother had closed up the Fifth Avenue house and come down to stay with Will and I in the dock house. The staff from the other house had been freed from their duties for the holiday and even the staff here was reduced, free to spend time with their families. If they had no one though, we opened up our pantry for their own Christmas feast. I hummed along to the song on the phonograph as I draped a ribbon around the edge of the tree's branches. Presents had already been piled around the base, aside from a few early gifts we had given each other to use during our Christmas celebrations.

"The Hallelujah chorus?" Will's voice cut through my humming, he had brought an armful of candles to light the tree with. He left them on a side table, coming over to gently grip my waist and lift me off the chair I was standing on, my own hands on his shoulders. His hands were strong, and I may have leaned forward a bit too much, unbalancing him, so that instead of lifting me, I collapsed onto him. He stumbled back a couple steps, managing to turn it into a spin, and I pressed my lips to his forehead.

I watched the light dance in his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips as he set me onto my feet. I reached to adjust the necktie he was wearing, letting my fingers linger on his chest. "My Will, you've gotten clumsy since you've been laid up here for the winter."

His hands moved from my waist, running along my sides, fingers ghosting over my ribs. I couldn't help the laugh I gave, or the way I struggled in his arms. "Ana, you are a horrible woman, do you know that?" His voice was light though, and I still tried to get away from his tickling fingers, but not very hard. After everything that had happened, sometimes all I wanted was to stay in his arms. Even though he could be incorrigible. And he knew exactly where on my ribs would make me start to shake and generally flail. I ineffectually batted as his chest, almost breathless with laughter.

"Anastasia, William, can't you two behave yourselves?" Mother's voice was calm as she came in, and for once she had left off her mourning. She wasn't due to officially come out for another four months, but in the spirit of the holiday she'd donned a green velvet dress and had her hair dressed with a matching ribbon. I clapped my hands over my mouth, trying to silence the laughs that were still escaping even as his fingers stilled.

Will stepped away, "My apologies Mrs. Dalian, we didn't mean to disturb you."

"Actually, it is nice to hear laughter here again. But really, you're acting like a child, Anastasia dear." She settled into a chair, pulling some sewing from her work basket.

I managed to get my breath back. "I'm sorry Mother, but really it was all him." I gave Will a very large wink, and he gave a chuckle. "We were finishing trimming the tree, all that's left is the candles."

"Please, finish them then. Dinner is going to be ready soon, and I thought you might like to change before, Anastasia." She had begun to work on her sewing, a small block of a large patchwork quilt she had been assembling. I knew part of it was composed of Father's old shirts and suits, we had both contributed some of our old dresses to be cut up. Apparently it was a tradition on Mother's side of the family to use some of the deceased's clothing and your own to make a quilt, a way to keep them by you.

I looked down to the yellow silk dress I had been wearing all day. It was rather wrinkled, not to mention it had a dusting of dried pine needles around the hem. "Of course Mother, Will let's get the candles set." We busied ourselves, placing the candles where they could best throw light on the crystal ornaments placed all over the tree. I couldn't help the little squeeze of my heart though when I looked at the star on top of the tree. Father, Mother and I had spent Christmas Day one year making it, wrapping gold wire into the shape and holding the colored crystals and bits of glass in place until they had been secured. I gave it a little rub, hoping Father was watching us somehow. This was the first Christmas without him.

It was strange not to have his stocking hung by Mother's and mine. Mother had embroidered all of them, mine in blue and silver and theirs in red and gold, and it seemed so lonely to only see the two of them, when for so long there had been three. The nail Father had used for so long wasn't unoccupied though. Will had been gifted a knit stocking from Peggy, and Mother had sworn that she would eventually embroider one for him. It hadn't happened yet though, so Will's stocking was the odd one out. I adjusted some of the greenery on the oak mantle, letting it artfully hang over. The standing clock chimed four, and it suddenly seemed that so little time was left before dinner.

"I'll be right back." I promised both of them, rushing upstairs. Peggy was waiting to help me change, and there was already a dress laid out. As soon as I saw it, I knew Mother had left it, for I had never seen it before. Beautiful cream silk, smooth as butter and embroidered in gold thread to catch the light. No wonder Rigel had been very firmly locked out of the dressing room, any of his hair would have shown on it instantly. I drew it on happily, and Peggy clasped my pearls around my neck. I buttoned a pair of shoes on over a new pair of silk stockings, an early gift from Will. I left my gloves though, we were at home and informal so they were not needed, and headed back down.

Will was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. I could see his short brown hair had been freshly brushed, but his black suit was still as crisp as it had been this morning. Lucky him, he didn't have to change three times a day. I watched him, smiling as I saw his eyes widen. His arm automatically came up, "Ana, you're a vision."

I took his arm with both my hands, kissing his cheek. "Thank you Will, and you're still as handsome as you were this morning." He gave a chuckle, bringing his other hand over to clasp over both of mine. Together we set off for the dining room, passing through the decorated house, all draped in pine branches and holly, strategic bundles of mistletoe placed throughout. The dining room had been freshly cleaned and polished, the dark wood gleaming against the crisp white linen tablecloth. More pine branches were placed throughout the room, red ribbons trailing down from them, winding about ivy hanging down from the walls.

I noticed that there were more than three places set, far more than three. The whole table had been filled, and the massive centerpiece of pine branches, holly berries and white roses had been moved to a sideboard to free up space. A fresh runner ran the length of the table, red silk with embroidered wreaths along the edges. I looked to Mother, sat at the head of the table. "Guests?"

She sipped at a glass of wine, "The Fields, all seven of them."

I settled down in my chair, Will sitting next to me. "A full house then." I laughed, it was always the same little game we played every year. The Fields had been a staple of our Christmas celebrations as long as I could remember. When I was young, the children had expressly been forbidden from the table, instead joining the cook in the kitchen while our parents talked and drank. Now that we were all older though, we were expected to behave ourselves as proper ladies and gentlemen. It wasn't as much fun, we couldn't exactly steal off each other's plates at the table, but the food was much better, and they'd relaxed their stance a bit when Morgan had found herself with twin girls long after she had stopped expecting more.

"I should be happy to meet them." Will said as he reached for a glass, his hand brushing against mine. I couldn't help but notice how he made sure to gently caress the ring on my left hand, and part of me still couldn't believe it. I had agreed to it, obviously, but sometimes I still found myself looking at the simple ring and being amazed at everything that had happened. It would only be another half a year, six months that seemed to stretch like an eternity in front of me, but also seemed to be coming closer and closer every single day at a rapid pace. Sometimes I would think the fact that Will and I would be married sometime soon, it still had me shaking my head in disbelief. I myself reached out to adjust the simple ring, admiring how the solitary diamond caught the light from the chandelier, the braided pattern on the gold band burnished to a bright shine.

"Oh, you'll regret saying that." Mother actually chuckled, "They are quite a lot."

"My family is rather large," Will replied, a faint smile on his lips. "It would be good to have more people around." I couldn't help the little twist of my lips, and I saw Mother look down. I knew he hadn't meant it, but he had struck a nerve with both of us. My parents had always wanted a large family, and I had wanted brothers and sisters, but we hadn't been blessed with it. Our holidays were always a small celebration, simply us and some close friends. It had always been enough, but the desire was still there. Will must have noticed something, for he quickly cast a glance at me. "Did I say something wrong?"

Mother quickly sniffed, waving a hand. "Oh, it's merely adjusting to Gareth not being here, William. He did so love the season." She took a sip of wine, fortifying herself, before she turned to me. "Anastasia, do you remember the year he invited the entire office staff over?"

I grinned, "Of course, they drank us dry and decided to all go caroling through all the docks. Father was in the lead the whole time!" We all had a good laugh at that, and it quickly devolved into sharing memories of Christmases past. Mother spoke about a time a blizzard had blown in over Christmas in Nebraska when she was a girl, how the town had hung ropes to each and every door so you could hang onto the rope and not become lost in the snow when heading out. Will remembered a Christmas where his father had been at sea, unable to make it back for the holiday, but had shown up three weeks after with a tree and presents for everyone. I, laughingly, told them about the year that I had sworn to spend the entire night asleep in front of the fireplace, quite certain that I would see Santa when he left presents, only to wake up in my own bed.

Mother had to set down her wine she was laughing so hard. "Gareth carried you back up, and then he swore to me that I couldn't let it happen again, you were so big he had hurt his back carrying you to bed!" I may have blushed a bit at that, but we were quickly distracted from our memories by the sound of the front door opening.

A sudden rush of voices from the foyer announced the arrival of the Fields, the younger children rushing in before the others. Rachel and Mary, done up in their Sunday best, immediately barreled into Mother, begging Aunt Ruth for some sweets or early presents. She laughed, promising them plenty of sweets after dinner. Their older siblings followed them in, lecturing the girls about their behavior. Ezekiel came to my side, briefly hugging my shoulders before he pried his sisters away and sent them to their places. Joshua, his ever serious older brother, greeted Will with a firm handshake and a nod, while David, the youngest boy, loudly demanded to know where dinner was. Morgan and Abraham came last, loudly calling for their children, all of their children thank you, to behave themselves.

I gave them both a hug, stopping to admire Morgan's dress. "Oh, that is beautiful!"

Morgan gave a little twirl, her black hair fanning out. "Isn't it? Abe gave it to me for my birthday last year but I just haven't had a chance to wear it." It was long, a dark purple silk that hung straight on her, the skirt pleated and unfurling as she spun. We chatted for a few more minutes, and I very loudly admitted that the dress I was wearing was new, it had shown up on my bed with no warning.

Mary, already sat in her chair, gave a little gasp and shot upright. "It must have been Santa!"

"That's not fair, how come Santa came early to you?" Rachel pouted, her elbows jammed onto the table. Her mother poked at them until the girl pulled them off.

"Well, it's because Ana has been so very good this year, she got her presents early." Will came to my side, giving me a kiss on the cheek against the wrinkled noses of the two girls. "Have you two been good this year?"

"Oh yes, yes!" Rachel cried, "I want Santa to bring me a new pair of boots and a muff that I saw, so I've been helping Mother with everything that I can."

"And I want a new pair of winter gloves!" Mary broke in, "And a doll, and a petticoat with real lace on it-"

"Girls, if you keep telling everyone what you want Santa might think you're being greedy." Abe laughed from his seat, "Quiet down now, it's time to eat." The footmen and maids had begun to carry in covered dishes, overseen by the butler from the Fifth Avenue house. When Mother had told him he might take the night off, he had almost gone apoplectic. As long as the Dalians were having visitors, he swore that he would oversee everything. He'd been as good as his word, even hanging some of the greenery himself. I knew for a fact that Mother had slipped a large tip into the book he kept at his bedside, she had come to me grinning like a child after she had.

It seemed a never ending parade of dishes being laid out. Our cook had outdone herself, a massive beef rib taking the center stage while all around it were piled mashed potatoes, green beans, asparagus in hollandaise sauce, salmon in cream sauce and oysters on ice, fruit, both fresh and sugared, and a hundred other dishes. You could barely see the design on the china the platters were so full. It was slowly revealed as we all set to, a classic blue on white scene of ships sailing, sauces creating a rather bizarre sunset on top of them. Abe stood to carve the roast and pass it out, his cuts firm and sure, the meat rich and pink. We could barely fit dessert in, ice cream and a huge number of pies, along with an old fashioned plum pudding that arrived in all its flaming glory and reeking of brandy. Once the brandy had burned off the butler placed a sprig of holly on it, and set it on the table for serving.

I watched Will eat two large slices of the pudding, "I take it you like it?"

"Plum pudding is always my favorite at this time of year." He settled back into his chair. "What's yours?"

I lifted the small plate in front of me, "Pecan pie, with a little ice cream on top." I happily crunched my way through the slice, relishing the sweet filling and the flaky pastry. I looked around, noting that all three of the Fields boys had barely stopped short of licking their plates clean, while Mother, Abe and Morgan were quietly talking over a glass of sherry. The two young girls were already nodding off in their chairs, and had to be collected by their brothers as we all moved to the parlor. The gentlemen had their cigars and Will was puffing away at his new pipe, a gift from Charles and Sylvie that had arrived a week ago with a letter wishing us a merry Christmas and telling us all about how things were going with them. Rigel had been allowed down, and the cook had slipped him a large beef bone as a gift. He was contentedly gnawing on it by the fire, his tail thumping on the floor.

I gratefully accepted a mug of eggnog from Mother who had decided to serve from the large crystal bowl that had been brought out. I sipped at it, enjoying the sweet drink and the slight burn from the whiskey and rum that had been mixed in. I usually tried to keep myself on an even keel as far as drink was concerned, I hadn't overindulged to an extreme since that night at the Vanderbilt party, but I had decided to relax my standard during Christmas. I was in my own home, safe with my mother and the man I loved, and friends so close they were practically family. If there was ever a place to allow myself to get drunk, this was it.

Mary, jostled awake by her brother setting her onto the settee, blearily looked around. "Who's going to read A Christmas Carol this year?"

The slight clattering of the silver spoon Mother was using to stir the eggnog stilled, and I felt the same twist at my heart that I knew she felt. Father had always read the story on Christmas Eve, all of us gathered in front of the fire. We would light the candles when he started, and by the end they would be guttering low and the young children fast asleep. I was trying to come up with something when Abe spoke up. "Perhaps Mr. Murdoch would be willing to volunteer?"

"Oh, I couldn't." Will set his pipe down, shaking his head. "Trust me, you don't want to have to listen to me."

Abe fixed him with a firm look. "You are going to be the man of this family soon, this is one of the duties you will have to take up." Abe stood, groaning slightly, and grabbed the battered old book from its resting place by the tree. I had placed it there, retrieved from its place in the library this morning. I hadn't even thought about who would read, I had assumed Abe would. He had before, when Father once spent Christmas dozing in the chair after a few too many whiskeys. Abe handled the thin volume with care, stopping in front of Will's chair, "Just read, Mr. Murdoch. We will all be the gladder for it."

Will gently took the book, opening it slowly. I could hear the leather spine creak slightly as he did. He stared at the nameplate, the faded dedication from Grandfather to Father. To my son, Gareth. May this story keep you true to what this season is about. I set a mug of eggnog by him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Please Will, for all of us." He looked up at me, a slight panic in his eyes. I settled next to him, giving him a smile as I reached over to turn the page. I tapped the page, but he still didn't speak. So I looked out to the others, "Maybe we should all start together?"

There were some slight snorts from the Fields boys, but we dutifully intoned the first words of that classic story, "Marley was dead to begin with. There was no doubt about that." A yearly reading quickly drilled at least the first words into you, at least it did to me, and I looked to Will. "See Will, you can't be worse than David. He can't even remember the first words."

"Just because I can't recite some dusty old book from memory-" David grumbled from his chair, quickly cut off by a glare from Abe. "Sorry, please Mr. Murdoch, read for us."

Will started slowly, almost hesitatingly, but by the time the Ghost of Christmas Past arrived he was happily reading to an enthralled audience. Rachel muttered something about him not doing the voices, and though Morgan tried to shush her, Will had heard and immediately began trying to do different accents, or change the pitch of his voice, for the characters as they emerged. He especially relished the Ghost of Christmas Present, his voice booming out as he called for Scrooge to come in, and know him better man. He deepened his Scottish accent as he did so, something that I greatly enjoyed. I always loved when that burr crept into his voice, although he tried to suppress it most of the time. I once had made him actually swear in Gaelic, it had involved a great deal of kissing while dragging my nails down his scalp and some discreet movement below the waist. He had refused to tell me what he had said, and no matter how I tried he kept his silence on that matter, his silence on other matters ended quite quickly that night. But he kept to English for now, although he let his brogue roll and rise with his speech. The girls thought it very funny, and I even caught Joshua grinning as he sipped at his eggnog and listened.

The candles were low, and I admit that even I had stopped listening closely, full of drink and warm by Will's side, by the time Scrooge had arrived at the Fred's to celebrate Christmas, a changed man for all the better. Rigel had abandoned his bone in a corner, coming to curl up by my feet. Mary and Rachel were fast asleep in their father's arms, he had moved over to the settee to collect them, but were wearily roused when he stood. Abe smiled, holding out his hand to Will. "Thank you Mr. Murdoch, you've saved me a headache getting them to sleep at home."

Will shook it happily, "I actually quite enjoyed it, thank you for joining us tonight."

Morgan, hustling the girls up and into their coats, laughed. "We're here every year, Mr. Murdoch. But now, it's time for everyone to get home and get to bed." The boys, struggling into their own coats, loudly complimented everything that we had served and the decorations, but were out the door and into the snow in a dash. I watched them head out, our coachman having stayed up to drive them home, and wound up staying by the window as they went out of sight. The lights on the street were glowing against the snow quite beautifully, and I watched flurries blow across the yard.

I felt Will's hand find my waist as he joined me at the door. He placed a kiss on the top of my head, "They're a lovely family." I looked at our warped reflections in the window, he had shed his jacket and was in his waistcoat, while my hair had come out of its pins at some point and curled around my shoulders.

I reached for a curl, guiding it back behind my ear. "Just be glad they don't come for Christmas morning, not after Ezekiel and I almost lit the kitchen on fire while the adults were talking one year."

"You lit the kitchen on fire?" He chuckled, drawing me closer.

"I said almost. We wanted hot chocolate and we couldn't find the cook, it's not my fault I didn't how to light a stove when I was nine." I grumbled, leaning into him. He snorted, shaking his head slightly, before guiding us back to the warmth of the parlor. He wound up the phonograph and set a record on, a scratchy version of Auld Lang Syne playing. I heard Will softly singing along with it as he made his way back to the leather chair pulled up close to the fire. His pipe, abandoned during the reading, was lit again and I pulled Mother's sewing to me. Rigel had moved from being curled up to laying flat on his side, dead to the world. I saw Will shake his head at him, a smile on his face. It felt so right to sit in front of the fire with him, listening to the music while we each were absorbed in our own little worlds. We were together though, and I occasionally caught him glancing at me, a look of contentment on his face.

I set the rocking chair to rocking while I threaded a needle, stitching the scraps together and placing the pins back in their packet. The gentle motion seemed to help me with the work, almost setting a pace to follow. Mother joined us, having gone to thank the staff for all their efforts tonight, but she kept the silence as she drew out another piece of the quilt to work on. Together we quickly had two blocks finished, both placed back into her basket with the other completed squares. I pulled another pinned section, my fingers fumbling the thread through the eyes of the needle. The eggnog was making me a bit clumsy, though I tried to keep going. But the fire was warm, and the slight smell of tobacco tickled my nose, my eyes growing heavy. Mother kept stitching though, even as I felt a slight doze beginning. I did my best to keep myself awake though, wanting this peaceful night to last as long as it could.

The clock chimed ten before Mother stood, placing her sewing back into its basket. "I am off, do not stay up too late you two."

Considering my own sewing was currently lying forgotten in my lap, I didn't think we'd be long behind her. "Of course not Mother, good night."

"Yes, good night, Mrs. Dalian." Will had set his pipe down awhile ago, instead nursing a glass of whiskey he had retrieved.

Mother shook her head, "William, you may call me Ruth, you know. It's quite alright." She gave a chuckle as she headed off. I poured myself another mug of eggnog before bringing a hassock over by Will's chair, kneeling down and watching the fire. It was blazing cheerily, and I leaned against Will's knee as I watched the flames dance. I felt his hand find my head, fingers gently weaving through my hair. I closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling of his fingers on my scalp. I let my eyes close, simply leaning against him and enjoying the moment. The fire began to die down though, and Will woke me from a doze as he stood. The climb up the stairs was not helped by the amount of eggnog I had indulged in, and Will had to steady me a couple times as we headed up. I gave him a kiss every time he did, and deliberately stumbled several times before I stepped into my rooms, pulling him by the hand into the dressing room. Rigel had wearily followed us up the stairs, and proceeded to stare at us as we moved into the one room forbidden to him. Will's hands were warm, and I kissed the knuckles happily. "I'm going to need you to help me out of this."

"Ana," Will whispered, trying to gently pull away. "We can't tonight. I'm so tired."

"So am I, so get this off me so we can go to bed." I turned around, lifting my hair to reveal the buttons going down the back. Whatever his reticence he quickly had the dress unbuttoned, the silk pooling at my feet as it slid off. I shuddered a bit at the chill in the air, glad for my petticoat and stockings. His hands were lighter though as he brushed his fingers against my corset laces, tracing them as he moved his hands up. I shivered at the feeling of his fingers against the back of my neck. I couldn't help the little moan as his hands settled on my shoulders, letting my head loll back, "Mmm, Will, please. Just untie it." They dropped, quickly unlacing the corset. By the time I had unhooked it and turned around he had left, the door propped open. I shook my head, always bewildered by how he could keep himself so calm and controlled when I felt like wanting to take him to bed.

Not that I had any intention of letting him ravish me tonight, even if he finally decided to. I was so full and tired, all I wanted was to sleep.

I came back out in my night gown, Will already in his pajamas and sitting on the bed. The bed was piled high with blankets, and I practically collapsed onto them. God, it was difficult to keep my eyes open, and I reached out for Will. He laid back on the bed, our heads resting next to each other, pillowed by the blankets. I smiled at him, looking at his blue eyes and pale skin, flushed with drink and warmth. "Thank you for reading tonight Will, it meant a lot. To all of us."

He reached over, brushing his fingers against my hair. "I didn't want to force myself into your father's place."

I moved, coming to lay alongside him, our legs dangling off the side of the bed. I let my hand travel over his chest, letting it rest on him when I propped myself up on my elbow. I slid my hand around his shoulder, enjoying how his breath sped up a little. He stilled when I shifted myself onto his chest. "You were wonderful," I kissed one cheek, "And you didn't force yourself at all," I kissed his other cheek, "Even if you had to be told to do the voices." I kissed him properly, and gave an embarrassing little squeak as he suddenly flipped us without breaking the kiss, so he was on top.

He held himself up on his elbows, his face close to mine. I felt my own breathing speed up, and he dropped his mouth to my ears. The tickle of his breath on my ear almost had me moaning, even though he kept his hands to himself. "I hadn't realized they were necessary."

I laced my fingers around the back of his neck, holding him close. "Oh, you always have to do the voices. It's tradition."

I felt his breath on my cheek, his lips gently pressing against me. "Well, we can't mess with tradition." Will stood up then, moving over to get under the covers and lay down. I was disappointed to lose the feeling of him over me, it always made me feel both threatened and safe at the same time, enough to drive me to madness in the most pleasing way. Instead of loudly sighing as I wanted to, I simply lay down next to him and pressed myself close. He was so warm I barely needed the blankets.

I did miss something though, and gently touched his shoulder. "Will, let him come up tonight."

"He can lay in front of the fire." He grumbled, although he cracked one eye open and looked at me. "Fine, Rigel. Up." Rigel listened to Will and always obeyed his orders like a soldier obeys a general, so he quickly was up on the end of the bed. Although he decided to show his thanks, coming up to lick Will, and stepping quite hard on his chest. Will spluttered, "I knew I'd regret letting the damn dog up."

"Rigel, lay down." I pushed Rigel back to the end of the bed, curling my arm around Will. "Does it hurt terribly?"

"He weighs at least a hundred pounds," He rubbed at his chest. "Of course it hurts."

"Should I kiss it better?" I let my hand hover over his chest, ready to unbutton his pajamas.

He wound his fingers through mine, gently tugging me back down. "I think I can survive, and we should not be getting up to anything with your mother here." I sighed, settling back into the pillows. Mother didn't know about Will spending a few nights here, and the last thing we needed was to get up to something and have Rigel alert everyone in the house with his barking. So we both settled down in the dark, the curtains drawn to shut out the gray light of dawn that would soon come. I curled up against Will, sleep coming quickly.

The next thing I knew, Will was gently shaking my shoulder. I sat up, stretching and giving a most unladylike yawn. It was one of those quiet Christmas mornings, where the silence is almost tense with anticipation of what is to come. A grand dinner again, Christmas presents, the nervousness to see exactly what you had received, or how those you gave gifts to would react. I drew on a dressing gown while Will belted on a smoking jacket. The cold floor was counteracted by thick slippers, and we quietly climbed down to the parlor. Rigel padded down after us, nosing around the parlor until he found his bone again. The presents, placed last night, were still piled around the tree and a few coals in the fireplace were still smoldering. Will knelt down, grabbing a few pieces of wood and quickly getting it lit again. By the time Mother appeared in her own dressing gown, it was quite a cheery little blaze.

"Merry Christmas, Mother." I said, reaching for a gift and holding it out to her.

She picked at the wrapping, revealing a small gold hair comb. She looked over to me, "Merry Christmas, Anastasia." Together, the three of us set to unwrapping the gifts, exclaiming over every little thing. Mother and I had gifted each other jewelry and clothes, books and cosmetics. Will had given simple gifts, we had offered him access to our accounts to buy presents, but he had refused, using his salary to buy presents. It was a delightful mix of shirtwaists, new pins and needles, lengths of fabric from his various trips. He had gotten Mother a pair of smooth white leather gloves in London, flowers embroidered on the cuffs that she immediately drew on.

Will had amassed a varied collection; new starched collars, a gold money clip and a matching golden pocket watch, a pair of brightly shined shoes, a book of Scottish poems that Mother had had engraved for him with his name, and he was quite glad with the last gift he opened from me. I had absconded with his handkerchief earlier in the month, embroidering his initials onto a corner with a navy silk thread whenever I had a moment alone, and had put it under the tree.

He ran his fingers over the letters, "Oh Ana, this is wonderful. Thank you." Will pressed a small present into my hands, "It's not much, but here."

I opened it, finding a beautiful blue silk shawl with gold embroidery nestled inside. I let it run through my fingers, coiling it back into its box. "Will, it's beautiful." I felt him settle next me, wrapping an arm around me. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. Mother gave a little sniff, she thought we were far too affectionate but had eventually gotten used to it, even though she tried her best to keep us proper. Will looked around, taking in the sight of the parlor, warm and cozy, the wrappings piled into a corner and the gifts in their own little piles in front of each of us. "Well, is it time for breakfast yet?"

Mother stood, brushing down her dressing gown. "Actually, there is one more gift." She reached into her pocket, drawing out a small package that she held out to him. "Merry Christmas William, and welcome to the family."

Will's fingers shook slightly as he took the package, and it was a minute before he had the wrapping off. I could see a tear spring to his eye as he took in the richly embroidered stocking in blue and silver, his name lovingly embroidered across the top. I looked to her, "This is incredible, Mother. How did you get it done?"

"I had time." She simply shrugged, turning to head out. "Are you coming for breakfast?" She swept out, leaving Will and I alone.

He still hadn't looked up from the stocking, I rose from the settee and held out a hand. "Come on Will, let's hang it up and go get something to eat." That seemed to break him out of his trance, he rubbed at his eyes for a moment and stood. He placed it on the nail that Father had occupied for so long, his knit one folded and placed on the mantle, hanging it next to mine. The two of them looked like mirrors of each other, and even I felt my throat close up a bit. It was good to see three stockings made by Mother's hand there again, even if her's was now the only one without a match.

Will stared at them for a minute. "Ana, I can't even begin to thank your Mother. This is, it's unbelievable."

I moved next to him, leaning against him as we both took in the sight. I thought for a moment about telling him that he should do something for her, that it was a gesture of her approval of everything, but I simply decided to kiss his cheek. "Merry Christmas, Will."

"Merry Christmas, Ana"

Chapter Text

The New Year passed quietly, with only Mother joining us at the house to toast with champagne. My monthly had come on strong, so I was reluctant to venture too far from a hot water bottle and had to send my regrets to Oscar at not being able to make the party his family was throwing. I had written that I was ill, but hadn't stated the reason. The day after I had sent my regrets a massive flower arrangement had arrived, white camellias and daisies dominating the display. A card from him had been included, simply signed Oscar. I had smiled to see it, sighing. Will had looked at the display, examining it where it sat on my mantel. "White flowers?"

"Oscar always likes to send messages through his flowers. Never enjoyed writing cards, he always wanted me to figure it out. He sat in with Liz when her governess was going over all of them, he always likes to learn the different ways of communicating. Especially if they're different from basic language, although he knows his fair share of those." I remembered the flowers he had brought before he left, proclaiming my beauty, his admiration and his desire for our relationship to blossom. I touched the daisies, "See, these mean friendship."

"That had better be all that they mean." Will grumbled, but he shook his head. "Continue."

"And the camellias, perfected loveliness." I brushed my fingers against their delicate petals, and pointed out the last of the flowers to Will. "And camomile, overcoming adversity. Taken together, they are a wish from a friend to overcome my illness and return to my health."

"Seems a bit complicated. I would have sent over something you could have actually used to get better, maybe some soup." He cast one last look at the flowers before coming to pour a cup of hot chocolate for me. I practically had a pot of it up here every day. Winter had come roaring in with a cold snap that had left enough snow to almost sink the ships at dock. Every one of the Dalian ships now had at least one man shoveling off the worst of the snow every hour. It had meant that Will's departure was delayed though, so he was here to see me through the pain that had erupted the other night. He let his hand linger on mine as he passed the cup over. "He couldn't just write that on a card?"

"Well, us ladies are taught to send messages to each other with flowers." I sipped the thick chocolate. "If the recipient doesn't understand the message she might just display them and not realize that she's been slighted. I've seen some women do it, and once it gets explained to them, they can't show themselves for weeks."

"Your set makes everything so complicated."

"We have too much time on our hands." I sighed, settling back into my chair. "We have to come up with things to occupy us during it." He raised an eyebrow. "Alright, the social obligations are a bit old fashioned, but it's what we have to do to fit in and be seen to be doing the proper things."

A corner of his mouth quirked up. "And is bringing your fiancé into your house before marriage proper? Or marrying a sailor?" The honest answer to that was no, none of what we had been doing was proper and he knew it. By all rights, if we were going to do everything proper, he'd be living in an apartment and taking me to dinners with Mother to escort us. I wouldn't have visited him in his house and practically ripped his clothes off and begged him to take me to bed.

"Who said I've always been concerned with propriety?" I giggled, "So long as I do most of the social niceties, I get forgiven a few eccentricities. Like you."

"Oh, I'm an eccentricity then?" He chuckled, and standing, took my hand and pulled me across and into his arms. He pulled me tight against him, "Just something that took your fancy, like a new lamp?" To be quite honest, he had taken my fancy. From the first time I'd seen him, I had thought him handsome. Then I had gotten to know him, and he had my heart, my whole heart.

Which he knew.

I burrowed further into him, he was so warm, especially now that he had begun to wear his thick wool uniform jacket inside. "Of course, you're new and exciting. Why do you think Mrs. Astor likes you so much?" I felt him grumble a bit at that, but he pressed a kiss to my head. I sighed, "Well, we only have a few months left."

"Five."

"Right." I let my eyes close, "Five more miserable weeks for me, and then maybe I won't have to deal with it for awhile."

His arms shifted me in his lap, "What would you want first? A boy or a girl?"

"First?" I cracked an eye at him, to see him grinning at me. "Getting a bit excited, darling?"

"I've always wanted enough children to crew a small yacht. We managed it on our own, but I think with four or five hands we could let them sail while we relax." He smirked at me, "Send them off with their governess while we retire to the cabin down below and work on a new little sibling for them."

"After five children I would hope you'd let me relax." I snorted, "I think I would want a girl, first. Boys always seem so troublesome." I looked to him, "What about you?"

"So long as they're healthy and you make it through, I'll be the happiest man in the world." His hand snaked around to my stomach, currently soft and smooth under his hand. "And as long as they have you as their mother, they'll be the luckiest of children." I brought my own hand around to wrap my fingers around his. "But Ana, I don't want you to feel that you should immediately get with child."

"Don't you want that?" I settled into the crook of his shoulder. "Most men seem like they can't wait to see their wives pregnant."

"I do want to see you like that, because I know you'll be a wonderful mother and I want so badly to be a father, but not so soon. I want you to enjoy just being a wife for some time." He let his fingers rise to brush through my hair. "I want it to happen as it will, not because you're trying for it. Ada always was." He drew me a little closer at the mention of her name. "She tried so hard, and I could see it break her every month. I told her it didn't matter, that I would love her no matter what happened, but I could see she didn't believe me. I don't want you to be like that, I want you to be happy."

"And I want you to be happy." I replied, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "And it sounds like you would be happy to be a father."

"I would." He nodded, "But I don't want to lose you just to gain that happiness. I am happy with you, Ana, regardless of what will happen, that will never change." He brushed his fingers along my cheek, "I want us to have children, I want to have a family, but you're a part of it. I don't want to have to find a third wife."

"Would you?" I had to admit I was curious. While it wasn't as common for mothers to die as it had been, it wasn't unknown. "If I died having a child?"

He was quiet for a long time. "I would live for the child, but if both of you were gone, I can't-"

"Shhh." I clapped my hand over his lips. "Don't finish that. I shouldn't have said it." I wound my arms around him, pulling myself tighter to him. "We shouldn't even think of that, we're going to have however many children we're going to be blessed with and we'll raise all of them together." I heard him chuckle, tightening his arms around me. "I don't ever want you to think of that again."

"I will try. Perhaps if I had a distraction. We could discuss names?"

"Let's wait for that until we know one is coming. My God, it's cold in here. Could you throw another log on the fire?" I shivered against him, batting my eyelashes. "Although, perhaps if you opened your jacket and let me get a bit closer to you, well, it might warm me some." I was already toying with the buttons as he brought his hands up to help.

It had started as a cough a few days after Will had wired that they had arrived in Southampton, but it was nothing unusual during the cold winter months. At Peggy's urging, during the night I stayed inside near a fire and drank a few more cups of tea before retiring early. I felt fine though, and kept making my trips to the offices. It seemed most of the staff had a cough, although they kept plugging away. Mr. Keller gave me a look when he came up to see me still swathed in my heavy coat as I reviewed the papers he had left. I looked over to him, "What?"

"Miss, you're awfully flushed." He walked over, looking down. "Perhaps you should head home and rest."

"I-" I broke off into a flurry of coughs, wetter than the light tickle that I had felt before. "I feel fine."

He stepped closer, pressing his hand to my face. "You're burning up, Miss. I'm calling your house and getting your carriage sent back." He held up a hand to interrupt me when I tried to speak, only to break off into another rough of coughing. "You're as stubborn as my daughter, and if I have to treat you like a child, I will. Stay in here where it's warm until the carriage arrives." The way he stood outside my door when he came back made me think the he would have locked it if he had had the key. He all but bundled me into the carriage, and told the coachman to take me straight home.

Peggy was all aflutter as she brought me inside. "I knew it would get worse, I just knew it."

"I'm sure it's just a cold." I replied, although I kept my coat on until I reached my rooms. A roaring fire had been stoked up, and Peggy quickly had me out of my clothes and into a bath. I had to admit the camphor she was liberally applying to the water was nice. "I'll take a few days to rest, it should stop soon."

"Hmph, I believe that when I see it." Peggy rolled her eyes, "I'm heading down to the kitchen for some boiling water. You'll be inhaling a good deal more of that camphor before you head to bed. On a full stomach, I might add." I couldn't gainsay her, greedily breathing in the scent of the camphor as it soothed the coughing. By the time she was back with a pot of boiling water and a bowl of beef stew the camphor had faded, and I was coughing hard enough to slosh the water around the tub. She had me quickly dried and in a clean nightgown, pulling my dressing gown over it and throwing a blanket over my shoulders.

I didn't put up much of a fight as she forced my head over the boiling water, the scent of camphor strong, but underneath it was mint and eucalyptus. A towel as thrown over me to keep the steam in, and it was only when the water had stopped steaming that I was practically stuffed with stew, dosed with peppermint tea loaded with honey and whiskey, and then ordered to bed. Peggy's face was screwed up as she brought over a hot brick, wrapped in flannel. "I'll send word to your mother, and call for a doctor to come tomorrow." She looked up, "Should I have word sent to Mr. Murdoch?"

I shook my head, my mind swimming as I felt like I would fall asleep at any minute. The whiskey had been rather strong. "No, I don't want to worry him. I'm sure I'll be better by the time he returns." I had expected to sleep like the dead, but instead I woke throughout the night, shivering and burning in equal measure. What dreams I had were wretched, memories and thoughts of what might have been tormenting me. By the time Peggy arrived with a bowl of oatmeal for my breakfast I was covered in shivering and covered in sweat, and my very bones seemed to ache.

"I'll call the doctor right away." Peggy left the oatmeal on the breakfast tray, and I managed a few spoonfuls down in between bouts of coughing. I hoped Peggy wouldn't notice that I'd left what I'd coughed up in the napkin. It was thick and hard to breathe through, I just wanted it out of my mouth and it was the only place to spit it out. To be quite honest, all I wanted was to be left alone. I didn't want Peggy and a doctor bothering me. I just wanted to curl up in the dark and be miserable. I couldn't exactly refuse it though, given that my throat was so raw that it hurt to talk. Peggy wrinkled her nose at the bowl when she came back. "Your mother is on the way, as is a doctor. Anastasia, you need to eat more."

I shook my head, coughing.

"At least go get into a bath, I'll get these sheets changed and have you all tucked back in by the time your mother gets here." She sighed as she removed the tray, and I slowly made my way out of bed and to the bath. Peggy came in to apply more camphor to the water, and she sponged at my forehead with a cold cloth. "Your mother is waiting by your bed, let's get you out." I could only nod as she helped me to get out and dry. She had even brought a clean nightgown for me to wear as she gently herded me back to bed.

Mother had already pulled back the blankets. Her hand felt cool and smooth as she felt along my face. "Such a fever, what have you given her Peggy?"

"The same things I got when I was sick like this, warm hearty food and drinks to try and calm her." Peggy looked over as Mother began to tuck the blankets around me. "I've been applying camphor as often as I can, but she already can't talk."

Mother clucked over me for awhile, until the doctor finally arrived. I could make out a bearded face, a pince nez on his nose. He set his bag by the bed and took Mother's chair as he began to gently probe at my throat. I tried not to flinch as he did. He looked over to Peggy, "How long has she been ill?"

"She's had a cough for a few days, but the fever started yesterday." Peggy shifted on her feet. "Her appetite has gone down too, she barely touched her breakfast."

"Hmm," The doctor pursed his lips as he pressed his hand to my forehead. He rummaged in his bag for a moment, pulling out a thermometer that he stuck under my tongue. He waited to see the measurement before speaking again. "Her fever is high, but not dangerously so. I can leave something to help her sleep, that's the best thing for it at the moment. And make sure that she eats as much as she can, otherwise she's going to get worse. Make her drink broth and water, she'll need it." He replaced the thermometer in his bag, pulling out a bottle and setting it on the night stand. "Laudanum, don't dose her too highly now. If she gets worse, call me." He stood, nodded to all the ladies and then exited.

Mother sniffed at the bottle. "Laudanum, is there nothing else he could prescribe?"

"It will make her sleep." Peggy shrugged, picking it up. "I'll give it to her at night though, Mrs. Dalian." Mother stayed for a little while longer, and her hand was soothing as she brushed my sweaty hair back onto my pillow. After she left I drifted off to a restless sleep, and that seemed to be the mode for the next few days. Peggy would have me drink a small glass of laudanum at night, which meant that I fell asleep immediately. Rigel had been allowed back into the bedroom to comfort me, and he was even allowed to curl up next to me when I slept. It was not restful sleep that I was getting, I was dead to world at night. In fact, I must have seemed so because one morning I awoke to a pair of strong hands shaking my arm.

"Ana, Ana wake up!" Will sounded frantic, and I blearily opened my eyes. My vision swam for a moment, the light blues of my bedroom swimming together and a figure in navy by my side. He had thrown himself down next to the bed, and I could see tears in his eyes. I blinked, reaching out a hand to him. He gripped it tight enough to hurt. His voice was breaking as he spoke. "Ana, God Ana, why didn't you tell me you were sick?"

With my other hand I floundered for a piece of paper and a pen on the night stand, my method of communicating for the last couple of days. I did not want you to worry. I'm not dying, the fever is better today than it has been.

He reached up, brushing aside my sweaty hair. "You're still feverish."

"She was much worse earlier, Mr. Murdoch. The doctor left something to help her sleep so she could recover." Peggy said, bringing in a pot of ginger tea with plenty of honey, her remedy to soothe my throat. "I found her covered in sweat and shivering one morning, even the laudanum hadn't managed to get her to sleep well. She slept for a whole day after that." Rigel padded in behind her, coming over to press against Will and whine briefly.

"An entire day?" Will squeezed my hand tightly, rising to sit on the bed. "Ana, my God. You should have made that doctor stay until you were better." His eyebrows quirked up for a second, his face firming. "I will go find him, and drag him here if need be. And I won't let him leave until you're better."

I flailed to grab him, my arms weak as he tried to stand. When he looked to me, I shook my head, feeling helpless. I didn't want him to leave, not now. All I wanted was him by me, and I clawed my hands around his. Peggy, a smile on her face, shook her head. "I can ring for him, but he said to only call him if she got worse. She's improved, but not by much so he probably won't come unless she takes a turn. I'll bring up some chicken soup, best thing when you're sick."

Will only left briefly, long enough for me to drink a cup of tea before he came back in with a pile of blankets that he proceeded to bundle me into. It was only after he came back with a hot brick that he put at my feet that he pulled a chair over to the bed. I tried to breathe as deep as I could, my voice barely a whisper. "Will, don't leave."

"Oh I'm not going to." He grunted, but his voice softened. "But why wouldn't you have wired me?"

"Didn't, want you to worry." I took another deep drink of ginger tea. "You could not," I wheezed in a breath, "Have come any faster than you did." I swallowed thickly, glad that I could see Peggy bringing a tray with the soup on it. I sat up, hungry for the soup. It smelled of chicken, garlic and rosemary. I hadn't been able to smell for a few days, it was heaven to inhale those scents.

Will intercepted me as I went for the spoon. He only raised his eyebrows, scooping up a good portion and holding it out to me. "Ana, let me."

"Will," I brought my hand to my throat, it had pained me to say that.

His other hand covered mine, his fingers gentle on my throat. "Eat, don't talk." I complied, swallowing the spoonful. He continued talking as he brought more up for me, "When you weren't at the dock, I thought maybe you'd been held up. Maybe you were with Liz. I was a bit disappointed, I'm not going to lie." He paused for a moment as I dabbed at some broth that had fallen onto my chin. "And then I got here, and Peggy says that I should try and be quiet because you're sick." He set the spoon down, removing the tray for a moment as he sat on the bed, pressing his forehead to mine. "I've never been that scared in my life, Ana. Not even after the iceberg. I knew my duty then, I knew what I could do. What I should do. But to lose you? Or to at least think that I might?" He had to take a moment to collect himself. "I have no idea what to do, what I can do to fix this. I'm lost."

I could see a tear form in his eye, falling onto his cheek. "I'm terrified, for you, and for me." I threw my arms around him, trying to hold him closer. I felt him breathe in, "You know what you are Ana? You're my harbor, where no matter what is going on I know that if I come to you, I'm safe, I'm happy." His arms were around me, his face in my shoulder. "I can't lose you like I lost Ada, without someone by me I'm lost."

I was crying by now, part out of guilt and part out of love for him. When he pulled back, I couldn't speak, I could only hold his hands close and shake my head. He squeezed my fingers, "You have to tell me next time Ana, you have to promise me that, or I am going to sit here until you are better and lecture you about how selfish you were." I rapidly nodded my head, grabbing my paper. I promise Will, I'm sorry. I didn't want to worry you but that was foolish.

Tears were still making tracks down his cheeks. "It was foolish, but you're my fool." I fumbled with the pen in my hand. I was worried that I would distract you, but I know you always try to come back as quick as you can so I figured you could do nothing else to get here quicker and you would worry yourself sick. He chuckled as he read it over. "You said that before. I suppose there really wasn't anything I could have done to get here quicker." You're not that strong of a swimmer, although I have no doubt you would try your hardest.

"Mr. Murdoch, you need to let her rest." Peggy bustled in, nodding in approval at the empty bowl. "Although if you can keep her eating like that, I might just let you stay."

"Oh, I'm staying Peggy." Will stood, freeing up space that Rigel immediately took advantage of. He curled himself up on the rug by the bedside, his tail thumping. Will brought the bowl over to her. "I'm not leaving until she gets better." I wrote quickly and waved the paper in the air. He turned, reading it briefly. "If you're not better by the time I'm to leave again, then I will be sending my regrets to Captain Fraser that I will be missing this trip."

"Dear Lord above," Peggy snorted, "He's utterly hopeless." She had picked up the tray, but stopped for a minute by the bed. "Miss Anastasia, he's going to be here for nine months straight soon enough."

Chapter Text

By the time Will had to leave I could at least speak again, although he threatened to stay and miss the next trip unless I had promised to stay home from the offices until I had regained my strength. I had been huddled over a hearty potato soup, greedily breathing in the smell. "Will, I can barely make it all the way down the stairs. Believe me, I'll be staying."

"I'd hate to have to ask Captain Fraser to turn us around because you weren't taking care of yourself." He had grumbled, but he had smiled as he had said it. I had at least been able to go down and bid him farewell when he was about to set out, and he had held me close for longer than he usually did. His voice was soft when he spoke into my ear, "Ana, please take care of yourself. I want you healthy. I don't want to find you like that again."

"I will." I had nodded into his shoulder, squeezing him a little tighter than I should have. It was a sight more difficult to see him leave this time, and I wound up spending most of the day in the parlor, close to the fire and trying to distract myself with a book. Anything that would give me a chance to look out the windows and hope that he had forgotten something and had to return. Instead, when I looked out one time, I saw Mother's car chugging into the snowy yard. I was already on my feet and moving to the door when she came in, removing her coat and gloves and handing them off. "Mother, what ever are you doing out in this kind of weather?"

"Coming to check on you." She replied, stopping in front of me and feeling my forehead. "Your fever is gone."

"Yes, it has been for a few days now." I stepped into the parlor, pulling her to sit on the settee with me. "Will was quite a wonderful nurse, although I am still getting my strength back."

Mother nodded to a maid who brought in a tea service and some cookies. "I'm glad, although I hope you won't be making him play that role again anytime soon." She picked up a cookie from the tray, delicately nibbling at it. "Do you think you would be well enough by next week to attend a luncheon?"

"A luncheon?" I looked up from mixing the cream and sugar into my tea. "I suppose so, why are you throwing a luncheon though?"

"To assist with your wedding." Mother smirked, "I know you haven't accomplished much beyond deciding on a date. Although you did at least reserve the church." She sighed, "I am going to do my best to assist with it, but it is only a few months away. We need to arrange the wedding portraits, the seating arrangements for the reception, deciding on the new decorations for your new bedroom here, the invitations, the menu, the music. I mean, for God's sake Anastasia, you haven't even selected your bridesmaids yet. Let alone their dresses."

I grimaced. I hadn't, truth be told I hadn't even thought much about it. "I'm sorry Mother, things have just been so busy."

"Well, I am bringing together some ladies and we will help you muddle your way through." She did smile at me, "Hopefully we can handle most of the issues tomorrow, or at least make some basic decisions to have carried out." She must have seen the chagrined look on my face for she reached over and patted my hand. "Not all brides have to deal with what you have had to, I am not upset. It's just something that we need to get done."

"I know, Mother." I nodded, sipping at my tea. "Although I have arranged something for the wedding."

"Oh?"

I smiled, "Will has told me that he wants to wear his uniform when we get married, but his current one is, well, rather cheap." I pursed my lips, remembering the way the wool had itched slightly when I had pulled it on to tease him. "I managed to get the tailor we use for the company to make him a new one, of much finer materials." It had been rather easy, all things considered. Most naval uniforms seemed to have the same design it seemed, the only thing he had needed was the correct buttons.

And the lining.

"I even arranged for him to use some of the clan tartan for Will's family for the lining, a surprise for him."

"I wasn't aware that he had one."

"When I mentioned his name to the tailor he brought up the fact that many Scottish families did, even if they no longer walk around in kilts every day." I set my empty cup down. "He arranged to bring over enough of it to line the coat, I think Will is going to like it." I snorted, "Although I am currently looking for ideas for his birthday. What did you usually get Father?"

She didn't pale, although her eyes grew shiny. "Oh, he was always so practical. Shirts, a new pen, he never wanted anything fancy. And then he would always buy me something overly expensive for mine."

"He has a new pipe." I screwed my face up, thinking. "And I've already bought all of his clothes. I'll think on it." Mother smiled as she shook her head, and we spoke for a little while about the wedding items that I had decided on. She thought Janie's idea of peach roses with forget-me-nots was brilliant, and that I should try to arrange for it to be reflected in the bridesmaids dresses. After about an hour of talking though, I could feel my throat getting strained. I pressed my fingers to it, my voice a whisper. "I'm sorry, Mother, but I think I need to go lay down." She fluttered over me for a moment, and saw me upstairs and into my bed before she left.

After seeing me in that state Peggy forbade me from going downstairs again, everything I needed could be brought up and I shouldn't even be receiving visitors until I was completely recovered. Under her supervision, and large helpings of her whiskey laden tea that she swore by, I was hale and hearty by the date of Mother's luncheon. It would actually be my first time seeing others since Christmas, so I took care with my appearance.

A lacy dress of a soft pink, matching the delicate copper of the earrings I wore. My hair was pulled back and pinned into the latest style, curling elegantly around my ears. My skin had at least gotten away from the corpse pale that it had been, and now had a healthy flush to it. The only thing left was a hat to be pinned to my head, decorated with silk flowers. The carriage was waiting and the familiar drive to Fifth Avenue seemed to take little time.

Mr. Rigby opened the door and handed me out himself. "Miss Dalian, we are all so pleased to see you healthy again."

"You didn't see me sick." I smirked, "Really, I wasn't that bad off."

"Your mother was quite concerned." He sighed, "But when I mentioned to her that I was unaware of your wedding plans she decided to distract herself with them."

"So I have you to blame for this then."

"Hardly Miss, I made a suggestion, you mother derived the whole plan." He chuckled, leading me into the house. The signs of mourning were slowly being removed, pictures of Father returning and mourning flowers being replaced by brighter colors. Mother, waiting in a parlor with Liz and her mother already in attendance, was even wearing a bright green bolero over her black gown.

"And here she is!" Mrs. Vanderbilt cried as Mother rose to embrace me. Mrs. Vanderbilt gave me a grin, "Oscar was quite upset to hear of your illness, did you get the flowers?"

"Yes, I just haven't had the time to write him a card to thank him for it." I replied as I sat down. "Is this Mother's whole wedding committee then?"

"I believe she said we were waiting for a Mrs. Fields." Liz spoke up, "I think I met her at your engagement party, black hair?"

I swallowed, remembering that I had forgotten to see her during the party. "Yes, yes. She's a dear friend of the family."

"I'm practically your second mother." Morgan chuckled as she swanned in, looking far too at ease among the Vanderbilts and pressed a kiss to Mother's cheek. "And shame on you for leaving all this on your poor mother, look at her, pale as a ghost."

Mother actually snorted at that, "Morgan, I am always pale. Please, sit." The five of us were clustered around a table and it was quickly filled with delicious looking tea sandwiches and delicate soups by the servants. Mother gestured, "Everyone, there's no need to stand on ceremony. Eat."

"Not until your daughter tells us what she's actually planned." Morgan spoke up, turning to me. "Have you even come up with a list of guests? Picked your bridesmaids?"

I shifted in my seat, cutting my eyes over to Liz. She had a hand up to hide the laughter that was coming out. I looked back to Morgan. "I've reserved the church, and I know who I would like to invite. And well," I looked back to Liz, "I was hoping that Elizabeth here would be my maid of honor."

"Of course!" Liz almost shouted, leaning over to quickly hug me. "I would be honored."

Morgan shook her head. "Well, that's two things done. Really Anastasia, you have responsibilities with this. You need to attend to them."

"Now, Morgan." Mother reached over, placing a calming hand on her. "I have found that working on things for the wedding has been a big help during my mourning. I did not press her on it for that reason."

"Actually, Morgan." I drew in a breath, trying to sit up straighter. "I was hoping to ask you something." At the raise of her eyebrows I continued. "Well, I suppose I would be asking you to ask Abraham something. Ezekiel mentioned it when I first told him about my engagement, and it was in jest but the more I have thought about it, I have wanted it. Would Abraham be willing to walk me down the aisle?"

She snorted. "He's been waiting for you to ask that for months. Of course he will." I felt a tightness in my throat, and could only nod my thanks to her. Her face softened, and she reached across the table to grasp my fingers. "He loves you like a daughter, all of us do. You know that whatever you need, we'll do our best to help you. Now, flowers. Your mother mentioned peach roses, are you sure you don't want a true pink?"

"Or red." Mrs. Vanderbilt spoke up, "For true love and passion."

"Mother, it's her wedding." Liz shook her head, smiling. "I think peach is a lovely choice, sincerity is always something you should take into a wedding with you." She nibbled at a sandwich on her plate, "And with the forget-me-nots the colors will be quite nice. Will you want them in the bridesmaids dresses?"

"I suppose so, perhaps a peach dress with a blue sash?" I let her draw me into a discussion about the dresses, since the other bridesmaids would be her responsibility to deal with. In the end we settled on a peach silk, draped in a light white chiffon and bound at the waist with a light blue silk sash. I sighed after we had finished, "I just don't know who to ask for the other maids. What do you think, should I have four more?"

"That would be good." Mother nodded, "And there is always an Astor or a Fish who wants to get noticed. We might even be able to get some of the old Dutch families to send us a daughter."

"As long as you're not thinking about Her Highness," Liz laughed, "I won't mind."

Morgan gave a derisive snort. "As if we couldn't plan a better wedding than her."

"You've heard she's heading over for her final fitting in March?" Mrs. Vanderbilt spoke up, her eyes alight at the opportunity to gossip. "I've heard her dress is going to be worth a fortune by itself, and that her brother is going to be bringing over her late mother's jewels. They've been in the family for two hundred years."

"So she's going to be wearing a golden collar, fitting given that she follows that family like a dog." Morgan grinned, "I saw them walking along, her following all three of them. They didn't even include her in whatever they were discussing."

I felt a smirk break out. "The two of them came upon Will and I while we were picnicking in the park. He spilled wine all over her skirt." All of them gasped at that, "And he said just awful things about Will. I really can't stand that man."

"Well, I can assure you that she does not have friends as you do." Mother replied, smiling happily at me. "Now, for the music?" The four of us discussed practically every aspect that could be covered, enough that I asked a maid for a pen and paper to take notes. By the end of it my hand was cramping, and the stack of paper seemed almost an inch high.

I sighed, clenching and unclenching my hand to relieve the pain. "Well, with you ladies helping nothing should go wrong." They all nodded along happily, no doubt aided by the fact that Mother had arranged for wine to be brought out. "I'd like to ask your help on another matter, Will's birthday at the end of the month. I just can't think of anything."

"A pocket watch?" Liz suggested, "A nice one, gold?"

"I got him one for Christmas."

"A jacket then, Abraham is always losing his." Morgan shrugged her shoulders, "I always have to sew him a new one by winter, so I just get it done for his birthday in March."

"I bought all Will's clothes, they're all the latest fashions and highest quality."

Mrs. Vanderbilt had a strange look on her face. "I have an idea, but you may not like it."

"At this point, I would take anything." I turned to her, hoping that my need was writ plain on my face. "What is it?"

"It's an old tradition in our family," She looked to Liz. "To have the ladies give the men something made out of their hair. So that they always have a part of us with them, even if they're away. Perhaps a chain for the pocket watch?" At my nod, she continued. "I could take a lock of your hair to a fellow we know who could weave it into a chain. He would have it finished by the end of the month."

Liz nodded, "I could come by and get it tomorrow."

"No, let's do it now." I stood, pulling my hatpin out and setting both it and the hat on the table. "I would rather get it done, before I lose my nerve."

"It's just hair." Liz shrugged, rising and bring a plate over to collect the pins she began to pull out of my hair. "It's not like it will hurt."

"I know, but still." I ran my fingers through my long hair, which I rarely cut. "It takes so long to grow."

"Take it from the bottom of her scalp, to hide it." Mother said, rising to come and lift my hair to expose the spot she was talking about. "It won't affect the hairstyle for the wedding this way." I felt Liz trail her fingers along my hair, twisting it around them. I shivered as I felt the cold steel of a pair of scissors, no doubt brought in by a maid, slide along the back of my neck. She snipped slowly, but evenly and when Mother let my hair back down I knew it was done.

I looked at the golden lock of hair in her hands, darker than what was on top of my head but still that dark gold that Will loved. It would look good as a watch chain, as long as it shone like that. "Thank you, Liz."

"Don't forget, Anastasia." Morgan had a knowing grin on her face, "You could always consult the book that I gave you to find a decent present for him. I think the hair will go over well, but something additional wouldn't hurt."

Mother raised an eyebrow at Morgan. "You gave her a book? On what?"

"Household management." Morgan smoothly lied, "All the things that a young soon to be bride should know."

Liz chuckled, "Oh, now you've woken the envious beast of my mother."

"Oh hush, you." Mrs. Vanderbilt gently swatted at her daughter. She did look to me though, "What was the book? Household management is something I deeply enjoy learning. Even as wealthy as we are, economy is not a vice. Do you happen to remember the title?"

I blanched. "Um, well, I can't remember it right off the top of my head. It was older, I know that."

"Actually it was a collection of older volumes, you probably have them in your library." Morgan seemed to take pity on me, distracting Mrs. Vanderbilt. "I know Anastasia was trained very well in that by her mother, but I thought providing some old advice could not hurt." I felt as if my face was on fire.

"Perhaps I can take a look at it sometime." Mother was smiling far too wide. "It's always nice to read the advice of our ancestors." Oh God, that was the last thing that I wanted. She turned to me, "Have you read much of it so far?"

"Some." I muttered.

Morgan laughed, "How far have you gotten? I assure you that it contains some great nuggets of wisdom. I've used some of the advice in it myself." I began to very closely study the pattern on the plates, curling waves and dancing mermaids within them. The last thing I needed to think about was Morgan and Abraham doing the things Will and I had done after reading it. The chatter continued for awhile, and I kept my eyes on the mermaids and my mouth shut.

It took Mother touching my shoulder to draw me out of it. "Our guests are leaving, you should thank them." I nodded, giving each of them a hug and thanking them for their help today and in the future. Morgan's hug lasted a little bit too long, and she gave me a smirk as she pulled away. The Vanderbilts headed off, and it was only Mother. She gestured for me to sit again. I was already twisting my hands in my skirt when she spoke. "Why did you clam up?"

"I," I stammered for a moment. "I was just ashamed of what I hadn't done, the book went on about all the responsibilities of a bride and I hadn't done anything it listed. That's all."

"Surprisingly, I don't believe you." Mother laughed, "Has Morgan been teasing you about William? You know her, it's how she shows that she's happy."

"Yes, she has been teasing me." I seized on it like a lifeline, and kept babbling. "Sometimes she comes over for tea while Will is gone and talks about how I must miss him, and she keeps saying that it will only get worse once we're married. She included some of that in the margins of the book, her little tips for me." I stood, brushing my skirt down and putting my hat back on. "In fact, I should head home and get things ready for when he gets back in a few days. Oh Lord, and I have to arrange for his Valentine's present."

"What are you getting him?" Mother came over, helping pin the hat to my loosened hair and collecting the pins to place in my pocket. "If you had such a hard time for his birthday."

"Oh, red roses, a card, chocolates." I smiled, hugging her briefly. "It's so easy when you have traditional gifts to fall back on."

"Then you should have no trouble on your anniversaries." Mother returned my hug, and walked me down to the carriage. I had a few days of peace, which I spent actually doing things for the wedding. I visited the Astors and the Fishes, securing myself two more bridesmaids. My overtures to the old families were going to take time, although I was going to try and smooth my way with flowers. Nothing extravagant, tasteful bouquets that would compliment their houses. Those families had a tendency to overreact to any displays of extreme wealth. In fact, I was just addressing a card to one of them when a maid came in.

"Miss, Morgan Fields is here for you in the parlor. She says she has a present." The maid waited for my nod before heading downstairs, and I stood up from the desk, sighing. More than likely Morgan had brought some other filthy book to taunt me with, it was highly unlikely she was actually going to apologize. That wasn't her style, and if she actually did feel bad about something she was more likely to offer her help with something rather than admit it.

"Hello Morgan, what have you got today?" I couldn't help the bite in my voice as the maid left us in the parlor. "Another book on household management?"

She laughed at that. "Hardly, although if you would like another volume I might be able to find something." She held out a box, grinning. "Here, my birthday gift for William. Go on, open it." I took it from her, pulling the lid off. Shining at me was a teardrop shaped pendant of polished lapis lazuli, dangled from a silver chain. Morgan tapped it, "Don't think I spent too much on this, someone gave it to me to celebrate something Abe did and blue is not my color. It is yours though, so look underneath." Placing the necklace on a side table, I lifted the paper to reveal a pile of folded blue silk. I lifted it, silver lace spilling out as I shook it out to see what it actually was.

It was utterly obscene.

I had never seen a nightgown that was so revealing, the neckline low enough to reveal almost all of my breast and the sleeves tacked on like they were an afterthought. Silver lace frothed around the neck, the cuffs of the sleeves and the hem. Lace was ran along the seams, and would clearly reveal the flesh beneath it when worn. I dropped it back into its box like it was on fire. "Morgan, forgive my language, but what the hell are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that you need to give him something besides a pile of your hair for his birthday." She chuckled, reaching over to fold it back up. "I saw the way he looked at you in your dress at the engagement party and your birthday, he definitely has a color that he likes on you." She tucked the necklace back on top of it, placing the lid over everything. "So I made this up for your wedding, I thought you could wear it on your wedding night. But, well, you should use it sooner." Morgan reached over and chucked my chin, and for a brief moment I saw Father, back at our hotel in Southampton, doing the same thing. "Wear this, grab the book, and go to his room on his birthday. Hell, do it for Valentine's Day, he's going to love it. He probably won't let you leave for an entire day. And it's a gift you could give him again for his birthday." She didn't give me a chance to respond, briefly kissing my cheek before she left.

I stared down at the box in my lap, my feelings all muddled as I wrapped my hands around it.

Chapter Text

I wound up spending Valentine's Day alone, as Will had been delayed by engine troubles on his way back. I wound up buying a fresh bouquet of roses each day, and had four of them saved up by the time he'd docked. He was full of apologies as he came into the office at the dock, his hat in his hands and his eyes on the floor. I couldn't help the smile on my face as I picked the flowers up, bringing them to him. "Happy Valentine's Day, Will."

"Ana," He shook his head, taking the flowers. "I would have been here if I could."

"I know, Will."

"The damn greasers got their shifts mixed up, I didn't think it would take so long to sort out."

"It's alright."

"Our first Valentine's and I missed it." He sighed, running his hand through his hair. It had gotten longer, and it stood up a little when he pulled his hand away. "And poor James, he barely waited until we were tied up before racing off to go get flowers for Liz."

"Well, you've already got flowers." I chuckled, reaching up to tame his hair back down. "And I have three more at home, so I think I'm good on roses." He caught my hand as I drew it back, kissing the knuckles. I let my fingers graze his cheeks, "You've got some stubble."

"Haven't had a chance to shave, everything was chaos onboard." He brought my hand down to tuck around his arm, passing the flowers back to me. "And coming in late means I'll be leaving early. Only three days this time."

I squeezed his arm, "That's alright, I'd rather have you back on time for the next round rather than make everything late for the rest of the time."

"You know my birthday is during the next trip."

"I know, I'm planning a nice dinner for when you get back." I patted my hand against my skirt, calling Rigel to follow us out. "Onion soup, steak and potatoes and a nice cake."

I could see the grin spread over his face as we started down the stairs. "That's present enough."

"Oh be quiet Will, you're already getting something." I shook my head, reaching up to brush against the short hair at the back of my neck. Louise had been aghast to see it and had insisted on me wearing hats every day until it had grown out enough to not be obvious without them. A stand of hatpins practically lived on my vanity now. The weaver Mrs. Vanderbilt had sent the hair to had already returned the lock of hair, and it was currently coiled up in a drawer in my desk. He had done wonderfully, and the shining chain was really quite beautiful. He'd even found a gold facing to secure it that suited the color of my hair.

"Ana, I swear, whatever you're getting me, you don't need to spend much." He handed me up into the carriage, standing back to allow Rigel to jump up. He had grown out of his lanky puppy phase and was getting thick with muscle. He easily took up half the bed if I allowed him up. But he still knew to stay on the floor of the carriage, and curled himself around Will's feet as he sat down. "I'd love a matchbook if it came from you."

"I still have that matchbook." I muttered, "But no, Will, I didn't spend a dime."

"Sewing something still counts."

"I didn't sew it either." I enjoyed the way he rolled his eyes and snorted a bit, settling back into the bench. I could see some shadows under his eyes, and Rigel whined as I reached over to trace them. "Will, please tell me you've been sleeping."

"I have, I have." He grunted, his eyes sliding shut. "Just not much in the past few days, not with having to fix everything. One of the greasers caught a bug in Southampton and passed it to the others, but failed to let us know. We must have been down to only three on a shift by the end, had to pull some firemen to help and it took days to get it sorted." He rubbed at his neck, "Didn't get a whole lot of sleep during it."

"We'll make it an early night then." I patted his cheek, "And you can just spend the next few days resting. It's what you need." His stubble caught against my fingers, and I found I enjoyed the prickly feeling against my hand. It took a bit of creative stepping to get around Rigel, but I was able to secure myself against his side and continue tracing the small growth of hair. Will sighed, settling against me and his breathing deepening. He leaned against me, and I brought my arms around to hold him close. "Shhh, just relax Will. Everything is fine, and dinner will be all hot and ready for us when we get home. Beef stew, and I've got chocolates for you upstairs." He grumbled at that, burrowing up against me. "And I'll make sure the bed is nice and warm."

"As long as you're in it." He mumbled, and with Rigel and I curled around him I think he actually slept on the way home. At least I did have to poke him a bit to get him to move when the carriage pulled up out front. Will blearily made his way inside, not even bothering to take off his jacket before slumping into his chair in the dining room and digging into his bowl of stew. He ate like a starved man, and actually requested a second bowl before practically collapsing back into his chair. He only glanced up when I stood, "Head on up Ana, I feel like a pipe tonight before bed. I'll smoke it in my room, I know you don't like it."

I pressed my hand to his shoulder. "I'll have the staff start up a fire in there then, can't have you catching a cold. Don't be too long Will, you need your rest more than you need a second pipe." He gave my hand a squeeze, and I started up the stairs. A maid was already tending to the fire in my sitting room, and I quickly sent her over to build one for Will. He was so exhausted I didn't expect him to come bounding up the stairs, which meant that I had plenty of time to prepare.

Louise helped me out of the dress I had worn to work, and I slipped on the nightgown she had left out. It was noticeably a plain cotton one, I had hidden the Morgan's present with the rest of the utter filth that I had seemed to accumulate. After I was dressed, and with my dressing gown one, Louise set to work on brushing out my hair. She talked as she did so. "It is good to see Mr. Murdoch back, I've come to like the spirit he brings to the house."

I let my eyes close. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Did he bring you anything for Valentine's?"

"No, he was supposed to get in before. But I gave him flowers, he gave them right back."

"Clever man, he got you a gift and didn't even have to pay for it." Louise gave the brush a few more passes through my hair. "I'm going to add a hundred strokes to your nightly brushing, it will help the hair grow back." She put the brush on the vanity. "And you'll be doing it. Cutting off such lovely hair for a watch chain, you should have just gotten him a chain with jewels on it."

I picked up the brush. "I think I can manage it without supervision." Louise waited until I had made twenty strokes before leaving. I kept it up, and my arm was aching a bit by the end of the last eighty. Not enough to keep me from my plan though, and I quickly had the plain nightgown off and draped over my dressing screen. I drew the silk one on over my head, and I would up having to shove the sleeves up to keep it from slithering down onto the floor. I did eventually let it fall so I could get the necklace on, and pulled it back up. I paused in front of the mirror to adjust the way my hair lay, and took a moment to examine myself.

The dark blue silk made my pale skin seem to glow, even the bit visible underneath the lace at the seams. The lapis lazuli pendant was cold against my skin, as was the silver lace. I pulled my hair around one of my shoulders, and waited at the door for a moment to listen. Hearing nothing, I first cracked it to look out. It was deserted, but I still almost jumped across the hall to Will's room. The handle moved easily under my hand and I slipped inside. The light was low, only the fire giving off a little. That, and Will's pipe softly glowing. I could see him, his eyes closed as he leaned back in a chair by the fire. He'd shed his jacket, and his suspenders hung down loose from his shoulders.

He must have heard the door for I saw the slight gleam of his eyes as he opened them. "Ana," He almost gasped, the brogue in his voice rising. "Lass, what is this?"

I could feel the butterflies in my stomach at his accent. "It's four days late is what it is, I was planning to do this on Valentine's Day but now will do." I crossed the rug on the floor, soft under my bare feet. Will hardly moved as I settled into his lap. "I didn't just get you flowers you know."

"You got this?" He set his pipe down, his hands tracing their way up my arms.

I shrugged, noticing how his eyes went to the neckline as it dropped with my movement. "It was a gift."

"Remind me to thank them." He brought his hand up to play with the pendant, "They even knew my favorite color on you." He pressed his lips to my neck, and I let my fingers trace their way through his hair. He pulled away for a moment, "I was going to have Reggie give me a shave and a trim tomorrow, I can stop. I don't want to mark you up."

I tugged him back to me, "I like your stubble, mark me up all you want." I felt him grin as he kissed me harder, his arm slinking around my back to crush me to him. Exhausted he may have been, but he didn't act it. Not with the way his tongue was stroking mine, his lips almost bruising with how he was kissing me. I smiled myself, settling further up into his lap and opening my legs to rest on him. I could hear him gasp a bit as I did, the arm around my back tightening. I practically collapsed onto his shoulder as he moved down from my mouth, kissing my neck as he tugged the neck of the nightgown down to reveal my breasts.

He could hardly seem to make up his mind about what he wanted to touch, but settled for grabbing my rear and setting me into a rhythm against him. I let my own hands trail through his hair, slowly growing wet as he began to sweat. I was panting myself as I felt him growing hard in his trousers, and once he felt I wasn't going to abandon the pace he had set me to, he brought his lips up to my breast. I groaned as he took a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it. "Oh God, yes." He hummed in reply, flicking his tongue against it. I curled my fingers around his head now, holding him to me as he suckled at me. "Just like that, Will."

He broke away suddenly, "Ana, God you have no idea how much I want this."

"Then take it." I leaned back, letting him see me, illuminated by the firelight. "Take me, Will."

"I want to Ana, so badly." His hands dropped to my waist, holding me still. "But every time we do this I want to go farther than we did the last time. There's only so much left, and we both promised."

"I know, I know." I kneaded his shoulders, "But we can be happy with this, right? Just for tonight?" I could see his eyes, clear blue but almost hidden by the dark look in them as he considered it.

Finally, he sighed and nodded. "Could you get up for a minute though? I probably should put out my pipe before we knock it over." I slunk back off of his lap as he stood, his trousers bulging slightly, and turned to tend to the pipe. I shivered, moving a bit closer to the fire and pulling the neckline of the nightgown back up. It was chilly without Will on me, and I greedily spread my hands before the fire. Will was so quiet I didn't even know he was behind me, not until his arm was around my waist and his lips back at my neck. He tugged at the gown as he gently herded me to the wall, "Why the devil did you pull this back up?"

"It was cold." I gasped out as he spun me, pressing my back up to the wall. His hands dropped to my rear as he stepped closer, pushing my legs apart and tugging them upward. I had one leg cocked around his hips as he settled himself between my thighs, rocking against me to relieve himself. I sighed into the kiss as he came back to my lips, sucking on his tongue when he slipped it into my mouth. Having settled my legs to his desires, he turned again to the nightgowna nd pulled my arms fully out of the sleeves. It fell to my hips, leaving my arms free to lock around him as he brought his hands up to knead my breasts.

He chuckled as I shivered at his touch. "Still cold?"

"A bit." I lied, although I could feel myself getting warmer by the minute.

He pulled me away from the wall, the nightgown falling to my feet as he drew me over. "Well, we've got a nice warm rug here. Can't have you getting sick again." We settled down onto the rug, pillowing our heads on our arms. His hand traced my waist, gilded in the firelight. I sighed into his touch, especially when he let his hand settle on me. It simply felt nice to have him here, touching me, holding me. The fact that he reached up and grabbed a pillow for me, then proceeded to kiss his way down my body was a treat. I shivered as he brushed his lips against my belly, causing him to look up. "You can't still be cold."

"No, in fact I'm rather warm." I leaned up, and when he sat up I set to work on his shirt buttons. "And you must be sweating up a storm in these." He made no objections as I removed first his collar, his shirt and eventually his trousers.

He sat for a moment, then laughed as he looked at me. "Ana, you look as if you've been into a patch of poison ivy."

"Will!" I clasped my hand to my breast as if actually affronted. "What a horrible thing to say."

"Look at you though!" He was still laughing, and pulled my hand away. He traced the red marks along my skin, "There's no way you'll be able to hide that. I'm quite sure Peggy knows what stubble will do to your skin."

"Then perhaps you should grow it out." I clapped my hands to his cheeks, pressing a kiss to his lips. "That should prevent it."

"Oh yes, a full beard and mustache would make me quite the grizzled old sea dog." He rolled his eyes, pulling me closer to him by my waist. "I'm sure your mother would love to see that for the wedding."

"Well, if she knew how we were discussing it," I let my hand wander down to his thighs, then pulling his hips to mine. "She would die of shame."

"Then perhaps it would be best for me to be clean shaven," He rocked against me, and I felt his hardness against my thigh. "Until after the wedding." He rolled so that he was on top of me, continuing to rock against me. He pressed his forehead to mine, his breath already gasping. "God, please don't leave. Not tonight."

"I won't," I promised, clasping my arms around his shoulders as his pace increased. "We can sleep in your bed." He groaned at that, his face buried in my shoulder as he continued to thrust against my thighs. I felt him shudder in his release not long after, and he almost collapsed onto me. It took him a few minutes to recover, rolling off of me. He lay gasping beside me, and then his hand wandered over to my waist. "I'm sorry, I didn't tend to you."

I caught his hand, wrapping my fingers around his. "It's alright."

"But you should enjoy it, otherwise you're about the same as my hand."

"I did enjoy it Will, I don't need to finish to enjoy it." I chuckled, bringing his hand up to kiss his knuckles. And it was true, while I may love the shattering way he could stroke and tease me, simply knowing that he found his pleasure with me and wanted to be close to me was its own kind of reward. I rose briefly to go wash in his bathroom, and he had moved to the bedroom by the time I returned.

He'd donned his pajamas, and held out the nightgown to me. "Here, last thing we need is Reggie seeing you naked. The poor boy might just go blind from the shock."

"Reggie is hardly a boy," I mumbled as I pulled it on. "And I think seeing me here is going to be enough of a shock." Will chuckled, pulling me tight to him once I had laid down. That was another pleasure, the way he clung to me as if I contained all the joys of the world. His bed was a bit different from mine, harder but it only made me press myself to him all the more. Will was already softly snoring by the time I fell asleep.

By the time I woke, the fire had burned down to ashes and Will's arm had loosened around my waist. I could feel him twitch slightly in his sleep, some dream that he was having. He murmured, his voice indistinct behind me. I pressed my head into the pillow, hoping to fall back to sleep. What drew me out of it was the sound of the sitting rom door opening, and soft footsteps headed across the floorboards. My eyes blearily focused on the figure coming towards us, Peggy with a stern face. She at least kept her voice to a whisper, "Miss Anastasia, for shame. I figured he would control himself in your bed, but to find you here."

I snorted, "Peggy, would you have preferred to find us on the rug in front of the fireplace?" Her face flushed, and I didn't give her a chance to respond. "Nothing untoward happened, he was just tired so I came to him so he wouldn't have to deal with walking across the hall." A blatant lie, and as exhausted as Will had been he would have had no problem walking the ten feet to my rooms. "He's tired, just let us sleep."

Her mouth screwed up, "I imagine he's not the only one that's tired." But she did turn around and leave, closing the door softly behind her. Throughout the whole time Will had not stirred, although his arm tightened around my waist and pulled me back to him. I sighed, relaxing back down onto the bed. It may have been four days late, but it was certainly a very pleasing time for our first Valentine's together.

Chapter Text

Will had arrived in Southampton on the twenty-seventh, and I had already arranged for flowers to be waiting for him at his house. I could only imagine the look on his face when he saw them, along with the telegram that would have been delivered the following morning. Happy birthday, my love. I am anxiously awaiting the return of my old lecher. Your Ana. I had his birthday gift waiting for him when he got back, and I found the days dragging as I waited for him. I heard nothing from him on his birthday, and we were into March before we got word that he was on his way back.

I was dancing from foot to foot as the Anastasia tied up, Rigel bouncing at my feet as we waited for Will. I didn't even wait as soon as I saw him coming towards us, his bag in hand. He almost dropped it as I flung myself into his arms. "Oh, happy birthday Will! I'm so sorry it's belated."

"Ana," He grunted, catching me and holding me tight. "It's quite alright. Thank you for the flowers, love."

"I've got your present for you at home," I couldn't help nuzzling into his shoulder. "And your dinner. I even helped make the cake." Rigel gave a whine, his tail thumping against Will's leg as he sniffed at the bag.

Will jerked it back as if Rigel had latched his jaws onto it. "No, away! Shoo!" Rigel followed the bag, his tail waving happily. "Get away from that, dog." He turned to me, "Honestly Ana, control him!"

"I think he's just glad to have you home, dear." I chuckled, seeing Rigel follow Will's bag as he pulled it away again. "As am I, in fact let's get you home."

"Well, I'd rather he not go through my bag. I still remember those shoes he chewed up." He pulled his bag higher, starting towards the carriage with Rigel in his wake. "They were new Ana, I'd hardly had them a day and he'd chewed straight through them."

I shook my head, climbing in after them. "And I replaced them right after." Will had his bag clutched tightly to him as we set off, although Rigel kept taking long sniffs of the air, his nose pointed right at it. Rigel seemed to sense his greatest opportunity was when we arrived home, and he tackled himself onto Will when he had gotten down. The leather bag went into the gravel, and Rigel pounced quickly. The latch proved no problem for his strong paws, and Will was scrambling towards him. "Damn dog! Stay out of it, or I'll beat you, I swear it!" It was rather comical to see him try and pull the massive black hound away, although Rigel pulled back after a moment, a sock in his mouth. Will was breathing heavy as he sat on the ground, tugging the sock away from him. "Ana, he's to go to the kitchens tonight. No dinner, not after that."

I chuckled as I came down from the carriage. "I'm afraid I have to agree with you on that." I looked to the footman at the door, "Tyler, see that Rigel stays downstairs tonight." He nodded, collaring the poor dog and hauling him off. I shook my head, it was not the first time that Rigel would be going to bed hungry. It was at least a good teacher, he didn't misbehave in the same way twice. Will pulled himself back to his feet, brushing himself off and holding his bag tight. I brushed my hands across the shoulder of his coat. "So what did you do for your birthday?"

"I met Charles, we had a few drinks. Nothing crazy."

"You didn't get drunk enough to try and bed him, did you?"

He spluttered at that. "God no, just enough to get a massive headache in the morning." We had made it inside by now, and Will headed off Reggie when he started forward. "I'll take my bag up, it's fine." He didn't even wait for an answer, already climbing up the stairs.

Feeling like a change of clothes, I followed him up. "Did Charles tease you about getting old?"

He kept climbing, only looking back for a moment. "Getting old? No, no, not about that."

"Well he must have done something." I was almost panting as we reached the landing, he had been climbing quickly. "Sylvie sent me a telegram."

"What?" He almost sounded angry as he turned around.

I nodded, pulling it from my pocket. "I wanted to read it to you in the carriage but you seemed preoccupied." I smoothed it out in my hands, reading. "Miss Dalian, hope you are well. My apologies, Charles got Will drunk enough that they threatened to keelhaul poor James for simply making sure they were alright. Looking forward to seeing you in a few months. Sylvia Lightoller." I folded it back up, putting it back in my pocket. "I had been meaning to ask about that, I was unaware that I was going to be marrying a pirate, or is keelhauling a standard Dalian practice I was unaware of?"

"For Christ's sake, that was Charles!" He pressed his fingers to his temples, "I'll see you down at dinner." His door slammed behind him, and I couldn't help the confusion that swirled inside me. He usually wanted to spend as long as he could with me before having to go change, usually he would throw his bag down by the settee and pull me in for a kiss or two before telling me about the trip. In fact, he seemed rather protective of his bag. I was still standing in my sitting room, considering this, when I heard his door open and shut rather quickly. His steps sounded in the hallway, headed upstairs.

I grabbed the chain from my desk drawer, heading across the hallway. I knew there was one way to settle him when he was out of sorts, the man melted whenever I surprised him with a kiss. Especially if we were near a bed. His rooms were deserted, his bag on his bed. He had opened it, so I really was not snooping when I put my hand in it. I felt his clothes, some shoes, and a small tin. I pulled it out, considering the plain red face of it. I was trying to prize it open when I heard the door open again, and I set it down beside me. Instead I stood, and I could see Will's eyes were wide as I approached. I dangled the chain from my fingers, "I wanted to bring you your present."

"A watch chain." He caught it between his fingers, "But soft, your hair?"

"A single lock is so simple, I wanted to give you something more." I pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Happy birthday dear, now what is that?" I gestured towards the tin. "Some present for me?" I swiped it up into my hands, trying to open the sides again. "It's rather difficult to open."

He tried to snatch it from me, the book he had gotten from the library thudding to the floor. "Ana, no. I don't want you to see it."

"Will, it can't be that bad." I finally got the tin open, considering the flesh colored circle inside of it. "What is this?"

I had never seen Will's face get as red as it currently was. "Oh God, it's Charles's idea of a present."

"No, I mean what is it actually?"

"It's a, um, French letter." He could hardly look as I pulled it out, looking at the tube and stretching it between my hands.

"What?"

"To allow us to, well, be together and you wouldn't get pregnant." He had collapsed onto the bed, his eyes tightly squeezed shut.

"Oh." I considered the thin tube in my hands. "How does it work?"

He threw his arm over his eyes, groaning. "I am not discussing this."

"Will," I sat by him, patting his arm. "There are exactly three ways this can go. You can tell me, I can ask Morgan who no doubt knows how to use one," He actually gasped at that, "Or we can have a practical demonstration."

He pulled his arm away. "Go get a bottle of whiskey and I'll tell." He was in the sitting room when I got back, and took a long swallow from the bottle when I handed it to him. The French Letter had been put back into its case, which he waved as he spoke. "It's a sheath, so that when we're, well, intimate my seed won't get left." He took another belt. "If my seed doesn't stay, there can't be a child."

"How does it stay on?" I said, watching as his face reddened.

"There's a, ah, ribbon on the bottom. You tie it." He tossed the tin down on a table. "Can we go down to dinner, now?"

"How exactly did Charles get this to you?" I came to sit closer to him, taking the bottle and setting it aside. "How did he even get it?" Will sighed deeply, settling himself in to launch into a tale.

Will had been considering exactly what to send Ana to thank her for the flowers that had been waiting. They truly were lovely, although Kate was after him to dry them so they would last longer. He'd told her she could after he left for New York, she could put them in a vase and on the mantel. They would look nice, although his wire to Ana was currently blank. He hadn't even put pen to paper when there was a knock on his door. Charles wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise, bundling him into a cab and taking him to the front step of The Anchor and Star. Will looked at the pub, unsure. "Charles, I haven't been in here since, well, almost a year."

"I doubt you're going to get roughed up." The other man had chuckled, shoving him forward. "Besides, it's where we've gone for your birthday every year since I met you."

Will tried to keep his head down as they walked in, taking a couple of stools at the bar. He could see White Star men all around, from stokers up to officers. Hell, he recognized some of them. Enough of them knew Charles to call out as they came in, and the bartender even slid them down a couple of pints without being asked. Will shifted on his stool, looking into the mirror behind the bar. He didn't look too out of place, he supposed. His uniform jacket blended in well enough, and no one was going to look close enough at his buttons to see that they lacked the burgee. It didn't stop him from almost jumping out of his stool though when he saw a sailor come up behind him. He looked the man in the eye through the mirror, "Yes, can I help you?"

"We all know you, Murdoch." The man sounded calm, and clapped his hand over Will's shoulder. Will could see the officer's jacket on him, the curl of a senior officer around the cuff. "Haven't seen you in awhile."

"Yes, well, I've been in America mostly."

"We know, that heiress you managed to hook." He grinned, laughing after a moment. "Still haven't figured out how the hell you managed that, you'll have to tell us someday." He managed to calm his laughter for a moment. "We've missed you here though, you're well liked among the Line."

"I thought that with what happened-"

"What happened was a foolish fucking mistake on the part of the Line." He cut him off, shaking his head. "Tossing you aside, I'd have wanted to serve under you when they made you captain, even with what happened. But you've got a store of beers saved up here, from all of us." He gestured back towards the crowded room, and Will saw a number of men nod to him. "Don't be afraid to come back in here, Davey was in here last month asking if any of us knew anything about you."

"Blair?"

"Aye, and he was quite put out when I told him all we knew was what was in the papers. I'd like to be able to tell him something the next time I see him."

Will turned around at that, nodding. "Of course, give him my best and that I hope I can buy him a beer one of these days."

"I will," The officer held out his hand, "Third Officer Phillip Nettles, from the Celtic. Glad to see you back here." Will shook his hand, and true to his word the bartender kept bringing Charles and him beers, all without asking for payment.

He was quite a few deep when Charles tapped him on the shoulder, "Happy birthday, you old curmudgeon." He set a small tin on the bar, "Here, your birthday gift. You don't want to know what I had to get it. I'd like you to make quick use of it." Will had grabbed the tin, opened it and them slammed it shut just as quick. Charles had laughed at his expression. "You know Will, keeping all that bottled up isn't healthy for a man. You have to have some release."

Will had greedily drained his beer. "I'm not keeping it bottled up, Charles."

"Oh, so you've finally bedded her then?"

"Christ, I am not discussing this."

Charles snorted. "Didn't think so." He laughed as Will asked the bartender to bring him a glass and some whiskey, and to just leave the bottle."Will, just put it on and give her a good rogering. It'll do the both of you a world of good."

"Charles, for the love of God." Will hissed after he drained the first glass of whiskey. "I do not need that. Take it back to wherever you got or burn it for all I care."

"Afraid I can't do that. I had to tell the doctor some pretty far fetched stories to get it." Will had snorted at that, if there was anything Charles enjoyed doing it was coming up with outlandish tales. "For me to come back and take it all back, well, I'm afraid I can't do that." Charles had sipped at his own whiskey. "Besides, if I brought it back to the house Sylvie would find it and we'd have a row. I'd rather avoid that, thank you."

"As if I won't have one with Ana? She doesn't even know what this is!"

"Then teach her! I have a strange feeling you'll enjoy it." Charles grinned widely at that, "Or was what James told me he heard inaccurate? I could always give you some lessons if you needed." Will had put the glass aside at that, drinking straight from the bottle. Soon enough a second bottle had been brought, and the two of them could barely stand by the time the pub was closing. Nettles was still there, and he managed to get them both into a cab and headed home. Will had fumbled with the fare, eventually just tossing it into the cabbie's lap and hauling himself out and into his house. Charles helped him up the stairs and into his room, setting him on the bed. "How is it, every time you get drunk, I'm the one dragging you home?"

"Because you're the reason I'm drinking." Will had grumbled, his fingers thick and clumsy on his shoelaces. Charles had eventually helped him untie them, and pull his jacket off. Will had glared at him as he settled down. "You're taking that thing back."

"I'm afraid you're stuck with it." He had chuckled, "Anastasia probably won't be able to keep her hands off you once she learns what it allows." Will had desperately wanted to throw his shoes at Charles, but pulling his head from the pillow seemed impossible and he simply closed his eyes, dropping off into oblivion. What ws even more impossible though was ignoring the blistering sunlight streaming through his windows in what seemed like an instant.

"God damn you Lightoller." He had pressed his hands to his eyes, cursing the sun, the drink, the massive headache that was threatening to make him vomit. He managed to keep it down with a few deep breaths, but he had to summon the will to move after it faded briefly. The bannister was a much needed support as he stumbled downstairs, finding Charles huddled over a cup of coffee, another one by him. Will rubbed at his eyes again, "The hell are you still doing here?"

"I fell asleep on your settee." Charles grumbled, "Kate's already been by. She left off some breakfast, but said she couldn't deal with two drunken sots at once." He waved his hand at the mug. "Figured, if you're feeling anything like me, you might want this." Will folded himself into the chair, reaching into the basket Kate had left to grab a biscuit. Between the that and the coffee, he at least didn't feel like he wanted to die anymore. The two of them groaned together when a knock sounded, Charles pushing himself up to answer it. "I swear, I'm going to murder whoever it is."

It turned out to be James, coming to check on Will. Apparently the boys at the Anchor had spread word around the dock that he'd shown up the night before and gotten roaring drunk with Charles. James stood awkwardly as Charles collapsed back into the chair. "Mr. Lightoller, should I fetch your wife?"

"You do and I'll keelhaul you." Charles snapped, but caught himself. "Just bring us more coffee, there's a pot in the kitchen." Moody bustled through to the kitchen, and Charles called after him. "And maybe put some whiskey in it!"

Will felt his stomach retch at the thought of it. "Christ, if I drink anymore I'll die." The pot that Moody brewed was at least strong, although it roiled around in Will's stomach, greasy and sticking to him. He started as the clock chimed, and the door opened again. "Who is it?"

"I knew I would find you here." Sylvia Lightoller breezed in as if she owned the place, and immediately pinned her husband with a glare. As soon as he'd heard her voice he'd begun glaring at James. "Oh, come off it dear. The boy had nothing to do with this. You went out drinking with Will, it's only logical you'd wind up in his house. Now, the both of you are going to drink that coffee and comes with me on a nice long walk." A general had nothing on her, hustling the three of them out of the door and into the far too bright and cheery morning.

By the second mile she at least seemed to be mollified that they wouldn't fall over, and felt it only right to set into them. Charles was the first to feel the sting. "You know he can't handle drinking like you do. And you're not as young as you were!" Will couldn't help but grin at Sylvie, glad to see that she understood exactly who was to blame. That didn't last long. "And as for you Mr. Murdoch, if you're to enter Society after your wedding you can't go around and drink like some common tar!"

Will snorted. "I've seen better born men do far worse than I have, Sylvie."

"William, if you do not listen to me I will wire Anastasia to hide every bit of drink in that house." She sighed, shaking her head. "Thank God you'll have Mr. Lowe with you before the wedding. At least one of you won't be a fool." She continued on in this vein for quite sometime, enough that Will swore off hard liquor for the rest of the month, just to save himself from any further lectures.

Will sighed, rubbing at his eyes. He held up the bottle, "You can see how long I lasted." He glared down at the tin on the table. "Should have tossed you overboard on my way over, bloody thing."

I chuckled, reaching over for it. "You know, we could use it if you wanted to."

"I'd rather get you pregnant." Will stood, drawing my up and wrapping his arms around my waist. "Although I'm content to wait for whenever that happens."

"I don't know how much more waiting I can stand." I muttered, rubbing my thumb across the tin. "Sometimes I wake up aching for you."

His breath hitched at that. "Perhaps you should put it with the book and that nightgown, we may find a use for it someday." He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, "But right now, I would like some dinner."

Chapter Text

"Oh, this is truly something." I crowed, holding up the frock coat and looking closely at the stitches. They were so fine I could barely see them against the dark navy of the fine wool, smooth beneath my hands as opposed to the slightly itchy fabric of Will's current coat. The golden chain on the cuffs gleamed brightly, matching the gold bullion of the epaulettes sewn to the shoulders. The most wonderful part though was on the inside, hidden from everyone but something that would mean the world to Will. The bright red and greens of the Murdoch tartan in a light wool ran in smooth lines up and down the coat lining. I traced my fingers over it, "Mr. Cooper, you even matched the patterns!"

"Well, it is for a wedding, your wedding." The fine boned tailor who'd taken care of Dalian uniforms since I had been born, shrugged. "I figured I should at least put some effort into it."

"But the time it takes to match everything, you must have been exhausted after!" I folded the coat back into its box, looking out over the rest of the counter. He hadn't just made the coat, he'd made Will an entire Reserves uniform. Trousers, waistcoat, shirt, tie, and he'd even ordered a new belt and hat from England. The most outrageous piece though as the new sword, shining in its leather and brass scabbard. "And these other pieces, you really didn't need to."

"Your family's been good to me." Mr. Cooper began to fold up the other items, placing them in the long flat box. "And it isn't as if you won't be paying me for it."

"Oh yes, I've got my purse with me." I fumbled for it, trying not to drop Rigel's leash. He found the display of new boots incredibly interesting, and I'd already apologized to Mr. Cooper once when he'd knocked over several pairs. "Just tell me how much." The price he named was high, but something I'd expected. I was still counting out bills when I had a thought. "Could you throw in a new pair of those Oxfords and a new pair of socks? I may as well have everything new for him."

"Of course, Miss." He made his way over to the boxes of shoes stacked up behind the counter, settling them and a pair of socks in the box. Thee tissue paper covering the clothes crinkled slightly as he did. "If you're getting everything new though, should I include a new tie pin? I happen to have a lovely gold one, with a sapphire on it."

"Why not?" I muttered, slipping a few more bills onto the pile. "Thank you again for everything, Mr. Cooper." He nodded to me as he pulled packing string out and proceeded to wrap the box up. It was rather awkward to take it in my arms and manage Rigel at the same time, but eventually I made it to the door and managed to slip outside. The city was still rather cold, and I was thankful for my coat as the breeze quickly brushed aside the warmth of the tailor's shop. My hat was also proving rather warming, a nice beaver felt with bobbing feathers. My carriage was close, just a short ways down from the door, and I had already reached for the door of it when I paused.

"You're not Lewis." I muttered, looking up at the strange man in the shabby top hat in the driver's seat. "Where's my coachman?" I glanced around, thinking maybe Lewis had just asked a cabbie to hold the horses while he relieved himself. But there wasn't a cab around, only a pair of men that had been talking to each other.

"Oh, he's just taking a nap Miss." One of the men that had been leaning up against the building shoved himself upright. His fellow followed him, but clearly the first one was the talker. "Now, just get in the coach and he'll be fine."

Rigel was already growling, and I clutched at the box as I stumbled back. "Get away from me."

"Now now, Miss." The man grinned at me as he spoke, "Don't be like this now. I don't want to let Freddie here loose, he's got an awful temper." The man beside him quickly dipped his hand into his pocket, pulling out a knife.

My heart was in my throat, and I let go of Rigel's leash. "Nis." With hardly a growl Rigel launched himself at the man with the knife. Ezekiel had trained Rigel with that word from when he was a puppy to attack. Will had suggested it, saying it was unlikely I'd accidentally say something in Gaelic. It had been fun when he was a puppy and he would worry at Ezekiel's arm, but Rigel was a massive dog now. The man fell under almost two hundred pounds of fierce muscle, hair and bone. I could hear him scream as Rigel sank his teeth into his arm, shaking his head back and forth and tearing at him. There was a clatter as the knife was dropped, the man's writhing sending it underneath the horses. I could see the man beating at Rigel with his other hand, and I half started forward to try and protect him when I noticed the other man curse and leave his fellow.

He came straight at me.

I dropped the box, trying to run, but he grabbed my wrist, snarling something that I couldn't understand. He pulled, whirling me back towards him. I could see the confusion in his face as my hat came flying off my head, and then his eyes widened when he saw the hatpin in my hand. Pearl studded on one end, it was six inches of steel and sharp as a needle. I jabbed it towards his eyes, and he lurched backwards but didn't let go. I could barely hear anything over the man yelling as Rigel mauled him, but I could hear an engine rushing towards us and I saw his eyes turn towards it for a moment. It was all I needed to stab the pin into his arm.

"You bitch!" He yelled, his attention fully on me again. I didn't even have time to move as his hand whipped around, cracking me across the cheek. I fell, hard, to the pavement and my vision went black for a moment as my head smacked into the sidewalk. Things came back to me in bursts, the noises were suddenly too loud and my vision swam. I heard a yelp, and a shadowy form was standing over me and growling loudly at a figure that ignored him and began laying into another with his fists. Two more cloudy figures followed, and I felt my eyes begin to close.

"Anastasia, what happened?" A voice was suddenly close, fingers gently probing at my head. But it seemed as if my tongue would not work, and the figure turned away and began to speak quickly. It returned, and my vision cleared for a moment. Oscar knelt over me, Rigel watching like a concerned mother as he slipped his arms underneath me. "I need you to press your head to my shoulder, I don't have a stretcher so I'm going to have to lift you." I tried to do as he asked, but my head felt as if it weighed as much as Rigel. And then I was out of the cold, laid out on a leather bench in the back of a car. Oscar was still warm underneath me, his arms holding me as he called for Rigel to come in. I heard his claws click on the floor, and he whined as he laid down. I turned, looking out the windshield. My carriage started off, driven by someone else as my coachman was currently sitting next to the driver, the tailor's box clutched in his hands.

My tongue was thick, and I coughed before I could speak. "Oscar?"

"Yes, yes." He held me tighter to him, "You're safe now, I've got you. Nothing's going to happen. We're going to get you home, and get to the bottom of whatever the hell happened here. You're going to be fine." My head was still on his shoulder, and it was pounding as the car drove. Every bump made me groan, and Oscar shifted me a bit to try and relieve it. "I'm sorry, I would try and pull my jacket off for a pillow, but it's going to be hard enough getting you out of here." I closed my eyes, burrowing further against him. His arms were tight around me, "You need to stay awake, at least until we can get a doctor."

"Will, he hates when I have to see doctors." I mumbled, wincing as we went over another bump. The tires crunched against gravel, and I tried cracking an eye open. Everything was so bright though, and I squeezed them shut again. "Where are we?"

"We're at your house, I'm going to have to lift you again." Oscar wound up shifting me several times as he worked on getting me out of the car. He kept apologizing under his breath as he kept touching me, although I hardly cared. Everything was so bright, and Rigel was whining and as soon as Oscar carried me inside it seemed like I was surrounded by a never-ending parade of loud, concerned servants. Oscar started me up the stairs as he explained, his voice was the only one I could stomach listening to at the moment, he kept it low and spoke as much to me as to them. "I saw men trying to take her outside the tailor's, I had my driver pull over and rushed to help. Between myself, my driver and my valet we made short work of them. Her coachman was inside the carriage, bound and unconscious. My valet got him out and into our car, the three of us bound them up with the rope they no doubt had intended for her." I heard a door open, and the soft blues of my room seemed so bright they hurt as he continued. "They're in the coach, my chauffeur drove it back and my valet drove us here."

I groaned as he set me down, the pillows soft under my head. "Oscar, please."

"Shhh, Anastasia." He muttered, setting something down on the nightstand. "Look, I even saved your hat. I'm going to call for a doctor, don't move and don't go to sleep."

"I'm going to call for Mr. Fields." I heard Peggy say, "And her mother."

"And the police." Oscar said, standing. "But hold off on them. I'm rather curious about why they wanted her."

I clutched at Oscar's sleeve before he could leave. "Will."

He knelt down by the bed. "What about him?"

"Send a wire to Will, please Oscar. Please." It felt as if my head was full of wool, but I held onto this thought. It wasn't the same as being sick, it was worse. Will would be furious, and worried, but I didn't want him to come home and find me like this with no warning.

I felt him squeeze my hand. "Of course, I'll tell him you were attacked but are safe now."

"And to hurry."

"That too, but I don't want you to worry. I'll be here until he gets back. You need to rest now, Anastasia. Don't exert yourself." Oscar leaned over, and for a brief moment I could see the stubble on his face, the lines around his eyes. But he pressed a kiss to my forehead, leaving the door open behind him. I laid back on the pillows, trying to keep myself awake. I could hear a maid fussing around the room, drawing curtains and bringing blankets and more pillows.

The room was dark by the time I heard Peggy coming back, her voice worried. "Dr. Julius, thank you for coming again. I swear, this poor girl, attacked on the street!"

"What exactly happened?" I could barely make out a face, bearded and with a shining pince nez as he leaned over me. It was the same doctor from when I was sick, and I found the touch of his hand comforting as he gently touched my face.

"Some thugs tried to kidnap her, and one of them struck her and she hit her head on the sidewalk." Peggy floated behind him, her hair loose and around her shoulders.

"Hmm," He probed at my scalp, nodding when I flinched away and tried to cover my eyes when he asked for the lights to be turned up. "She has a concussion, her brain has been injured. Keep it dark and quiet, nothing to excite her, and introduce activity slowly. Someone should be with her at all times, to help her. Call me in a few days, and I'll see how she's recovering." Peggy assured him that he would, seeing him out of the sitting room before coming back.

I looked to her as she sat down. "Where is everyone?"

"Oscar and Ezekiel have hauled those monsters into the stable, and I don't want to know what they're doing to them." She sniffed, smiling at the thought. "His men are with them, and Lewis is being seen to by Dr. Julius now."

"Rigel?"

"Getting babied by the cook." She snorted, "He's probably bruised, but seems to be fine. Doesn't seem to have problems eating, I'll say. He's already eaten the steaks that were for your dinner, you'll be back on soup, Miss."

"Wonderful." I muttered, closing my eyes. "And did Oscar send word off to Will?"

"Yes, had one of the kitchen boys send it down to the offices since he's on the ship at the moment." I felt her draw the blanket up over me. "And I put the box in your dressing room, so you have nothing to worry about." Her fingers brushed my hair aside, "Mr. Murdoch is going to be furious when he gets home, it's a good thing Oscar is having those men hauled off to jail after he finishes what he wants to do, otherwise we might have a murder." She kept on in that vein for awhile, and I lost myself to her chatter, to the point where I was surprised when it stopped.

"Annie." I turned my head, seeing the barely discernible face of Ezekiel in the chair by me, Oscar standing behind him. The lamps were turned as low as they could go, in fact Peggy had brought a few candles to provide some less intense light. "We learned who hired them."

"It was Evan Perry." Oscar growled, "That whoremonger."

"He gave it up pretty quick." Ezekiel grinned, "At least after he saw what his friends looked like. And he knew a bit more than either of them." His face, what I could see of it, fell though. "Still, I can't believe that they thought they could grab you right off the street."

"It was three men against one woman, they had the odds." Oscar grunted, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

I looked to him, "And one dog." I reached for his hand, noting the handkerchief wrapped around his knuckles. "What did you do?"

"I may have had to beat some information out of him." He hissed as I unwrapped it, revealing bruised knuckles and even a line of blood. "Really, it's fine Anastasia. It really doesn't even hurt."

"Oscar." I murmured, "You shouldn't have done that." I looked up to him, seeing the way his eyes were wide and almost frightened. "You shouldn't hurt yourself, not for them."

"It was for you." He mumbled, "I had to learn why they wanted you. Bribes didn't work, and well, it turns out beatings did." He didn't withdraw his hand though, letting me gently grasp it. "Perry hired them to bring you to one of his places, you were to be a gift." His voice dropped, a rough growl emerging. "For Henry Reichster, a birthday present. God, I want to kill that man."

"What?" My voice was far too quiet.

"Apparently one of Perry's girls fleeced some friend of his." Ezekiel took over, his voice deceptively calm. "That caused a big fight, and he figured he had to get back in his good graces. Today is Reichster's birthday, and the plan was to grab you off the street and take you to be whored out to him. He apparently always comes to this place on his birthday, all Perry needed was you."

"We need to prosecute them." Oscar said, finally pulling his hand away. "We can't get Reichster on it, but we can get Perry."

"I don't," I groaned, feeling my head begin to throb. I gasped, the pain suddenly overwhelming. My brain was rebelling at what Ezekiel had said, that I was being kidnapped to be given to Mr. Reichster, and the pain cut through any thoughts I might have. It took quite some time for it to fade, and the two of them were soothing me the whole time. My eyes clenched shut, I tried to finish. "I don't want to cause a scandal."

"Anastasia, we can get him on conspiracy, attempted kidnapping and assault." Oscar's voice lulled me out of my fog. "It's an airtight case, we have witnesses and another victim. A whoremonger hiring brutes to kidnap a woman less than three months before her wedding? There's not a jury in the country that wouldn't convict." He slowly stroked my hand, "I'll give you my own lawyers, but we have to do this."

"Annie, he's right." Ezekiel placed his hand on my shoulder. "None of this will fall on you, you'll come out the winner. But something has to be done."

"Mother?"

"She agrees with us, the only reason she isn't here is that she's hysterical to the point where it wouldn't be good for her to be here." Ezekiel shook his head. "My mother is with her, calming her. She is coming to stay tomorrow."

"Will?"

"The message has been sent, and if he hasn't given the order to push the engines as hard as they can, Captain Fraser will. He might even be down stoking the engines himself." Ezekiel chuckled briefly, but it died. He gently squeezed my shoulder, "You need to do this. Not either of them, you, Annie. It has to be you to press charges." He was right, no one could press charges on my behalf, not since I had gained my majority and Father had died. It would mean I'd be in the papers, but Oscar was right. With what happened, we could at least punish the men who tried to take me, even if we couldn't get Mr. Reichster.

I looked to Oscar, "Alright, I will."

"Thank you, Anastasia." Oscar pressed my hand to his lips. "I'll stay until you fall asleep."

"So will I." Ezekiel added, "Although we're going to need another chair." The sounds seemed muffled to me as he brought the chair in and I felt sleep claim me. My dreams seemed to shift, one moment I was in Will's arms, the next I was at breakfast, and then I was back in my room. It was so confusing that it got to the point where I had no idea what was a dream, and what were my brief moments of wakefulness. At one point I was at dinner, enjoying my wine while listening to Ezekiel and Oscar. "Do you care for her, Oscar?"

"Of course, she's a very good friend." Oscar sounded almost affronted, his napkin coming up to wipe at his face.

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

The young Vanderbilt's face fell. "I care for her enough to see how happy she is and to not want to ruin it."

"That's good, I don't know what I would have done if you said something else." Ezekiel smiled, reaching out to grab a glass and hold it out to a footman who filled it with some kind of sparkling blue wine. I held out my own glass, greedily sipping at it once it was filled. It was light and tasted like blueberries. "Although, if you're staying until Will gets back, I'm staying with you. And we're having a few drinks."

"Should we really be drinking if we're going to be guarding her?"

"She's on the fifth floor, with only a few points to get to her, plus the staff will already be looking out. Unless Perry hires someone who can fly, she should be fine and we can share a beer or two."

"You sound so confident."

"I told Annie I'd hire assassins for her once, there's not a lot I wouldn't do for her."

I watched Oscar's eyes narrow a bit. "Do you care for her as I do, then?"

"Hardly, she's my annoying sister that is constantly causing me problems. But I love her still. Although I'm going to have to talk to you about that. I can't have you ruining her wedding, you know."

"I won't, but you may have to come over and drink with me after." Oscar laughed, and I quickly drained my own glass, eager to follow them wherever they were headed and drink with them. But as soon as I stood, my head swam and I felt the pain begin to build behind my eyes. It throbbed in time with my heartbeat, and I groaned as it ripped through me.

"Wake up, dear." A voice urged, soft and gentle. "Darling, please, wake up." The pain only doubled as I opened my eyes, even the low light from the lamp piercing through my eyes. It took a moment for me to be able to open them again, seeing Mother in the chair by the bed. She leaned over me, her hand on my cheek. "I was so worried, it's been so long."

"Mother." I muttered, trying to rise. It was difficult and she had to help me, supporting me as I made my way to the bathroom and back to the bed. I glanced in the mirror on my way back, seeing the massive bruise covering one cheek. I had no doubt that I had a matching one under my scalp, leading me to my unsteadiness. Rigel did not help the situation, constantly trying to weave himself between my legs and whining when Mother refused to allow him onto the bed. She fussed for a moment, tucking blankets around me. I glanced down, "Who changed me?" I had been stripped of my coat and dress, and was wearing a soft nightgown and a light dressing gown. My hair had even been brushed out.

"I did, you've been asleep for almost a whole day." She gently pressed me back onto the pillow. "The police are waiting for you to be more, well, present before you give your statement."

"Am I? Present, I mean?"

"Hardly." She shook her head, "You kept asking for wine, and for Oscar or Ezekiel. And Will," She patted my hand, her voice wavering for a moment. "You wanted Gareth as well, but you especially seemed to want those two boys I found chatting in your sitting room when I arrived. Both of them are staying here, as am I. The house will be rather full for awhile." She stayed by my side, her sewing in her hand. The quilt was almost finished, and it spilled over her lap and onto my bed. I kept slipping into sleep and back out of it, and it felt like I could barely keep track of time. I closed my eyes for what only felt like five minutes, but Peggy was bringing my dinner up. Then I was listening to Ezekiel read, and nodded off for what felt like hours but it barely been ten minutes.

It was after one of those moments of sleep that felt like it was minutes but had been hours that I finally woke up to my head not hurting. I simply blinked up at the canopy of my bed for a few moment, grateful that the pain had at least gone for now. It had been so constant it was rather strange to not have it forcing me back to sleep, or dogging my steps as I stumbled around my rooms. I shifted up, sitting and looking over. The chair by my bed had played host to a rotating circle of friends and family over the days, even Morgan had taken a turn by my side. It had been rather funny to see Abraham sat there though, clearly awkward considering my nightgown was all that I was wearing. Instead of Abraham though, Will was in the chair. He was still in his uniform, his hat on the nightstand and his greatcoat thrown over him like a blanket. I shifted, taking a drink from a glass of water beside his hat before speaking. "You're back."

His eyes snapped open and he almost surged to his feet, his greatcoat falling down to the floor. "Ana, thank God." His hands immediately came to my face, pulling it up to look at him. "You know me?"

"Of course I do, Will." I smiled, bringing my hand up to cover his. "How long has it been since you got the message? I've been a little fuzzy on time."

"Five days." He sat on the edge of the bed. "We weren't even tied up before I was gone, Captain Fraser practically shoved me off. But you were asleep, and I didn't want to wake you." He shifted, pulling his hand back. "They said you needed sleep the most, so I sat down to wait."

I sat up, looking closely at him. "You haven't shaved."

"Not since I heard, I've barely slept." He rubbed his hand across his stubbled face, and I could see the dark marks under his eyes. "What happened, Ana?"

"You'll hear about it all." I shook my head, slowly of course. "I'm going to be pressing charges against them. I'm going to have to tell it a lot."

"I'll be by your side the entire time." Will took my hands, kissing them. "You won't be alone."

My heart felt as if it was wringing itself out like a rag. "You're tired, here, lay down with me." I fumbled at the buttons of his jacket for a moment, but my fingers were so clumsy that he wound up undoing them himself and throwing it down with his greatcoat. He stayed on top of the blankets, but he did curl up close to me.

He chuckled, "Wouldn't want to shock your mother."

"After this, I doubt there's anything that could." I turned to him, burrowing back into the warmth of the blankets and the softness of the pillows. I could feel his hand come up to rest on my hip, his fingers stretching over me to touch as much of me as he could. For once, after what had happened, my sleep was actually restful.

Chapter Text

It felt like the house had become a fortress once Will had returned. Either him, Ezekiel, or Oscar was always around me, and Oscar had been talked down from hiring Pinkertons to guard the house. Will was around me the most though, and he could barely get through my description of the attack. "I had just managed to stab my hat pin into his arm when he hit me and, well, called me a bitch."

"Damnaibh e gu slochd a's ìsle ifrinn," Will muttered, shoving himself up from the chair. "Tha mi airson a sgòrnan dona a shlaodadh."

"Do I want to know what you said?"

"No, just finish it."

I sighed, brushing my fingers against my cheek. It wasn't as tender today, even if it was getting darker. "There isn't much more, Oscar came charging in and managed to handle things. He brought all of us home and has been here dealing with everything."

Will caught my fingers, peering closely at my bruise. "Ana, are you sure you're ready to deal with this?"

"If I don't Will, it will never get done." I shifted, "But it does still hurt."

"And your vision? Your memory?"

"All fine, and the pain in my head is gone." I still had to shake my head slowly or it would come back, but I hadn't had to do much of that lately. I tried to smile, "Really, it's just the bruise now. And it's gone down."

"The swelling, yes. But it's so dark." He sat next to me, putting an arm around me. I cuddled close to his chest, simply breathing him in. He smelled of his pipe, he'd been smoking it more often lately. It was at least rather comforting, especially when he pulled me even tighter to him. His voice was low, a rumble that I could feel. "I was so scared when I got the wire, Captain Fraser almost confined me to my quarters. But I couldn't be still, I needed to do something." My eyes were closed, and I could feel his hand running up and down my back. "I didn't sleep for two days, and even on the third I barely got an hour. And then I was here, and your poor mother was half out of her mind when I came in." I mumbled something, burrowing against his chest. "And Oscar was sleeping on the damn floor in front of your bedroom door."

"He hasn't left since it happened." I muttered, "Nor had Ezekiel."

"And I'm grateful to them for it, but finding Oscar there." He shook his head, "It's a lot for a man to see his fiancée's former suitor taking on the role of protector." His breath came out of him in on big blow. "I should have been with you, I could have saved you."

"I wouldn't have let you come anyway." I pushed myself up, looking him in the eye. "I was getting you something." I ignored his spluttered remark that I shouldn't be doing anything, and moved to my dressing room. I came back with the box in my hands, "I'm sorry the corner of the box was damaged during the attack, but everything inside is still fine."

"I don't give a damn about it." He grumbled, but he did take the box and untangle the packing string.

I watched as he took out the new shoes, the trousers, the sword, the hat, and when he held up the coat I could see him swallow thickly. "I wanted you to have a new uniform for the wedding, and I thought you might like to have something personal to it." I watched him open the breast of it and trace the lining. His mouth was working, but no words were coming. "I didn't think you'd want to wear a kilt, as much as I would like to see that."

"Ana." He placed the coat back in the box, standing. "Come here." I stepped forward, and he crushed me to him. "You didn't need to do this." I was about to reply but he shook his head. "I don't need this Ana. It's not that I don't appreciate it, it must have taken so much work even if you didn't sew it, but if you hadn't-" His voice caught in a sob. "If you hadn't done this, you wouldn't have been almost kidnapped."

"They would have found me somewhere else." I sighed, enjoying the way he was burying his face in my hair. "Somewhere where Oscar wouldn't have seen me, where he couldn't have helped. But I'm safe, I'm with you, and nothing can get us here." I heard him breathe in sharply. "Now, come on Will, collect yourself. The police will be here for my statement soon, we'll have to meet them downstairs."

"I know, I know." He whispered, but he clutched me all the tighter. "I just can't figure out why, why you? He clearly can have his pick, why is he so focused on you?"

"I don't know." I had to stop myself from shaking my head, "But we're all safe. We can worry about that later."

"Ana, just be quiet for a moment." He had his lips to my ear, and I just relished the feeling of him holding me. Feeling safe, feeling secure, feeling wanted. I couldn't tell what Will was feeling, probably something similar, but I could feel the way his shoulders shook slightly. The way his breath hitched for a few moments, soft cries that he managed to muffle. I clutched him tightly around his shoulders, and I gradually felt him still. He pulled away slowly, "Thank you."

"Of course." I still kept my arms around him, "I'll always be here for you, you know that."

"I know." He rubbed my arms, "And I'm here for you."

"I know." I nodded, pulling my arms around myself. "I want you there when I talk to the police."

It wound up that all three of them were present when I spoke to the police in the parlor, as was Mother. Will had leaned up against a corner, puffing away on his pipe as I told the story again and again. Ezekiel and Oscar were sat at a table by the window, playing cards while listening closely. Mother was by my side, although it was rather hard to see her. I was wearing a hat with a veil to cover the bruise on my face, although I did have to pull it back at one point. "You can see officers, I am not lying."

"We can, Miss." One of them said, and I quickly let it back down. "But, exactly why were you out without a man? Surely your brother or-"

"She had Lewis." Mother snapped, "And my daughter was not expecting to be attacked on the street."

"But Mrs. Dalian, to send a young woman out unaccompanied by a chaperone, you should have known better. You should have taught your daughter better." He cringed back as Mother stood, anger flashing across her face. "But, I am sure that we can have the case proceed as is. Thank you all for your time."

"Don't you want to know who sent them?" Oscar leaned back in his chair, glaring. "I spoke to one of them."

"And what did he say?"

"Evan Perry, you can find him on Coney Island." Oscar fairly growled, "I'd go after him quickly, before he gets a chance to skip town."

I saw the officers shift. "Mr. Perry has donated generously to the department over the years, I'm sure that this man was mistaken."

"Believe me, I would know if he was lying." Oscar stood, standing in front of them. "Or is the word of a Vanderbilt not trustworthy? My family donates generously as well, perhaps I should speak to my uncle about next year's donation."

"We will look into it." The officer stammered, and the two of them quickly left. The group in the parlor visibly relaxed, and Will finally put down his pipe. I pulled my hat off, rubbing at my temples. Reliving the attack several times had given me a headache, and they'd asked me such pointless questions. Who knew what your coach looks like? Practically every society person in New York. Why didn't you ask the tailor to have an assistant bring the box out? Because they were all busy with clients. I could see Will watching me, a concerned look in his eye.

"You know, there is something I am curious about." He said, moving over to the settee on my other side. "What I asked earlier, why does he keep coming after you?"

"I have to agree, I've never understood it either." Ezekiel snorted, "It's not that you're not beautiful, Annie, but to go to the lengths he has. It's rather ridiculous."

"I've been puzzling over it for the past few days and unfortunately, I think I may have figured that out." Oscar sighed, putting his cards down. "I'm going to need a drink for this." One was quickly supplied by Ezekiel from the nearby bar, and after a drink he continued. "Put yourself in his shoes. You have a son to inherit the company, and once he's in his teenage years you begin casting about for a potential bride. And what do you see? A competitor, one who is stable enough to not have been snapped up by J.P. Morgan, and his beautiful daughter, set to inherit at least a portion of his company."

He nodded to me. "So you encourage your son to woo her, to eventually combine the companies through their marriage. Your son tries his damndest, but she's showing no interest. So you tell him to be more aggressive, you meant in the way he was courting her but he takes it the wrong way. Instead of sending her a love poem, he thinks he's seducing her. In the end, it would make no difference, she would still have to marry him. But she resists. After escaping him she will hardly look his way. You know a man who was courting her is coming back soon, so when you see her family on the same liner you thank God for your next chance.

"Shipboard romances are common, so your son tries to win her back, dances with her, but she's already latched onto another. A working man, to make it even worse. Dallying beneath her station. And you can see from his attitude that her father approves. So you start stewing, and well, the sinking happens. Suddenly she's without any male protection beyond this sailor, and when you try to have your son make one last overture she rejects him in the harshest possible way. And then the sailor is gone, and you have your chance. Buying the company is only a ploy, your true goal is to ruin her, whether she's willing or not. If she's ruined, that's a good source of blackmail. You can threaten her to marry your son, and though she slips away you send your son to threaten her. Even the rumor of her giving herself to a man is enough that she should bend. And you know she can't go to anyone in authority about it, because even if word gets out that something almost happened her reputation is gone"

Oscar grinned, "But she doesn't. And your son embarrasses you, quite publicly. She's almost guarded now, and then she leaves, coming back with a ring from that sailor. You're running out of time now, so you start to grow desperate." He glanced toward Mother. "Forgive me for this Ruth, Anastasia asked me not to tell." He caught my eye, "I'm sorry, but she has to be told the whole thing."

"It's alright." I shifted, the story making me uncomfortable. Everything Oscar said made sense, but it still made my stomach twist. I was nothing but a bargaining chip, a physical representation of a stock exchange. Hearing anyone say things like that, let alone Oscar, hurt. I looked over to Mother, her face twisted in confusion. "He tried again at the engagement party, but Will saved me. I didn't want to tell you."

"You should have." Her voice was icy, but she turned to Oscar. "Continue."

"Back to our tale then, she has to come to a party to celebrate your son's engagement and there's your prime chance. She's already dressed rather scandalously, so you engineer a distraction to remove her protection, then grab her. And you've almost achieved your aim, knowing that you could blackmail her with what is about to happen. You could make her sell part of the company, or at least give you payments to keep it quiet. But then the sailor bursts in, wounds you and threatens you. And now, you complain about it to a friend over some drinks, and he gets an idea. Why not help you? And," He tipped back the rest of his drink. "Here we are."

Ezekiel brought him over the bottle. "You'll need this."

Oscar slowly poured a stream of amber brandy into his glass, filling it almost full. He took a long drink before he looked over. "I'm sorry for what I said Anastasia."

"It's fine, you're probably right anyway."

"Comes from growing up around blackmail," He shrugged. "And my classes at Cambridge helped."

Mother sighed, "I should have noticed his designs sooner, I thought he would have accepted defeat after Zachary failed. But the man never has been good about being beat at something."

I felt Will slip his arm around my waist, pulling me to him. "I would apologize for asking him to explain, but I can't. I wanted to know, and he has a very good theory."

"He does." Ezekiel chuckled, "And consider what sons of bitches they are, he's right about it." He tossed down the cards on the low coffee table. "What do you say to a game of poker, Annie? Get your mind off of it."

I shook my head, slowly. "I'm sorry, it's just not for me."

"I'll play." Mother shrugged, taking the deck and shuffling. "Mr. Vanderbilt, care to join?" The three of them started to play, we all knew that Oscar's lawyers would be coming soon so it was pointless to leave the parlor. Will used the opportunity to pull me a little closer to him, and once he was sure that everyone was thoroughly distracted, kiss at my neck.

I shivered as I felt him brush the veil away, whispering. "Will, Mother is right there."

"Your mother is trying to bluff her way through with a pair of threes, she has more important things on her mind." He chuckled, his lips sliding across my skin. I had to hold a moan in as he brought his lips up to my ear, gently sucking on my earlobe. Instead, I sighed quietly and leaned into him. He shifted his arms around me, pulling me more into his lap. His breath was warm on my skin, and I tossed the veil over his head to try and hide him a little. The last thing Mother needed to see was the way his lips were pressed to the hollow of my throat, tracing a path southward. He tugged a bit at the bodice of my dress, freeing a little more skin to kiss.

"Annie, what do you think?" Ezekiel spoke up, "That is, if you're the only one under that veil."

I jerked straight up, my breath coming fast. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Anastasia, really." Mother looked over, annoyance written plain on her face. "And you Mr. Murdoch, kindly release her."

I was sliding off of his lap when Oscar spoke up, "Mrs. Dalian, you can't blame her for seeking a little comfort after this morning."

"It's more the fact that she was so focused on seeking her comfort that she didn't notice we were clearing things away for the lawyers." Mother's voice was clipped, and she flicked the veil up. "Those had better not bruise, Mr. Murdoch."

"They won't." Will grunted, but he appeared perfectly at ease. "I don't like to mark her up, and she knows it." He kept his arm around my waist, and I will admit that I found it a comfort. Having Ezekiel and Oscar nearby before he had returned had been nice, but Will always seemed to want to be touching me somewhere. It was as if he thought I was going to disappear unless he was touching me. When Mother had found him that afternoon, she had been displeased but hadn't forbid it. He still kept himself over the covers, but he had returned to throwing his arm around my waist and curling himself around me.

Everything had been so unsettled it had been nice for that bit of normalcy to return.

"Mr. Mudroch, you don't need to tell me anything." Mother shook her head, "Now, take one of these sandwiches and eat. I know you're still recovering, Captain Fraser told me about your activities onboard once you had heard." She thrust a plate bearing a hearty cold mean sandwich towards him. "Constantly pacing, helping the stokers, refusing food and not sleeping. Doing those things would not have made you return any faster, all it did was tire you out." She watched as he started to eat. "You need to keep your strength up, not just for yourself but for her."

"The next few weeks are not going to be easy." Oscar nodded, "Oh, excuse me, the lawyers are here." He got up to head to the foyer and came back with a pair of identical men. They were both roughly the same height, with brown hair and eyes. There were only slight differences, the colors of their ties and the glasses that one wore. "Anastasia, this is Rhett and Dalton Link. Gentlemen, Anastasia Dalian, your client."

"Miss Dalian." They spoke in unison, although the one with a black tie continued. "We are, of course, horrified by what happened to you, and we will do our best to see justice served."

"In fact, we've already begun preparing." The brother with a blue tie sat, followed by his brother. "Our arguments that is, the trial will be starting next week. The judge is ordering a fast trial, it's likely the press will be circling and he wants to avoid a drawn out case."

"Of course." I nodded, glad for the veil that hid my furrowed brow. I should have thought about that, the press. They loved nothing more than a scandalous case, especially if it had society members involved. In this one they would have three, if you counted Perry. Oscar had made it clear he would be by my side the entire time, so of course there would be rumors spread about the two of us. And that would draw in more attention. I sighed, "I wish we could avoid it."

"I know, Miss." Rhett, the one with the blue tie, said. "We don't enjoy the scrutiny either."

"But you can be rest assured, we are going to arrange for you to have private security not only here but in the court room as well." Dalton placed a paper on the table. "Mr. Vanderbilt has engaged the Pinkerton Company to provide it."

"I told you I don't need them." I hissed at Oscar.

"You don't need them here now, but soon enough there's going to be reporters trying to scale your fences." Oscar shook his head, "Trust me, they can handle them."

"What about hiring some of the porters from our warehouses?" Mother asked, "They could perform those tasks as well."

"Not as well." Dalton snorted, "If you want some of your own men around you, by all means, hire them. But Pinkertons are going to be here, in the courtroom and driving you all to the courthouse and back." He laid another sheet of paper down. "On Mr. Vanderbilt's advice we've begun looking into Evan Perry's background, and will be pushing his current business practices as the reason for the attempted kidnapping."

"That is the true reason, isn't it?" Rhett spoke up, staring at me. "To kidnap you into white slavery?"

I hoped he couldn't see the way I blinked quickly under the veil. "Yes, that's what Oscar was told by one of them."

"And you had never seen them before?"

"No."

"But you had met Evan Perry prior to the attack?"

"Yes, twice. Once on a crossing and once at a party. I have only interacted with him on the crossing." I sat a little straighter, "Once I learned what business he was in I did not interact him, I saw some of his employees at the party."

"Did he ever show any interest in you?" Dalton spoke quietly. "Anything that you may have heard from others?"

"He, ah," I looked down, wishing that I could stop my hands from shaking. "He told someone he thought I could earn a thousand dollars a night."

"Dear God." Mother gasped, "Anastasia, who told you that?" I shook my head, unwilling to say. Not in front of them, because they would ask where I was that I heard that. I didn't want to tell them about how Henry had grabbed me, about how he had lifted my skirts and forced my legs apart. I didn't want anyone else to know. I didn't want to think about it at all.

"Miss Dalian, we know it's a very difficult memory, but anything you can tell us can help. The men we can deal with, there are multiple witnesses, but we need to stick the conspiracy charge on him." Dalton tried to reach across and take my hand, but I pulled back. "We need you to tell us."

"No, I can't. Because then you'll ask it in court, and then everyone will know."

I felt Will wrap his arm around my shoulders. "Gentlemen, please. You've upset her quite a bit. Send someone down to Perry's brothel, I'm sure spreading some oney around will get you someone willing to talk."

"We'll need money for that." Rhett grumbled, pulling the papers back to his briefcase.

"And you'll have it." Oscar stood, opening his billfold and throwing the contents down. "But you won't bother her about that again."

"Mr. Vanderbilt, you hired us because you want to win."

"And you will win, but you will not force her say anything she doesn't want to." Oscar almost growled, "Now, go down to Coney Island or send someone. You can get the information you need there." The two collected the money off the table with minimal fuss, although I barely noticed them. My mind was still back in the office in the Reichster's house, Henry holding my arms above my head as he traced his fingers along my breasts.

"Anastasia, it's done." Will muttered, "Don't think on it anymore, we're here. You're safe. That's all you need to think about." I nodded, but I still let him pull me into his shoulder. The usual stink of tobacco that I disliked was comforting now, as was the way his hand traced my shoulders. He spoke quietly, "I'm not leaving, not until everything is finished. And even then, I'm going to stay longer. I won't let you face him alone. You have all of us, love, and he's alone."

Chapter Text

I kept myself away from the court as the lawyers for both sides descended and began hectoring each other about precedence and privileges. The promised Pinkertons had begun to show up outside the fence, lingering on corners and doing their best to look inconspicuous. The porters that Mother had brought in stood out a bit more, but I felt more comfortable around them. I had tried to make it a habit of bringing refreshments to the men lingering outside. The Pinkertons chided me to head back inside, that I was putting myself at risk and ruining everything. The porters thanked me for it, asked after Will and Ezekiel and laughed at the Pinkertons in their ill fitting casual clothing.

"Miss Anastasia, I saved this for you." Peggy said as I came back in from one such excursion, holding out a folded newspaper. "Taylor saw it while he was buying the chickens for dinner, your mother has already read it." I muttered my thanks as I took it from her, heading up to the office. It was the most private place I could think of, although the library was tempting. But it had Oscar and Ezekiel in it, while Will caught up on his rest, and I wanted to read this before anyone else. Settling myself into my chair, I opened it. There was a large photograph under a massive headline, Evan Perry Arrested for Attempted Kidnapping of Dalian Heiress.

Yesterday morning Evan Perry surrendered himself to police custody at his Manhattan home. While wearing a well tailored suit, he spoke briefly to reporters present. "I have nothing to do with the unfortunate events that Miss Dalian suffered and will prove it in court." Despite repeated requests for further comment, reporters were prevented from gaining further answers by police. The case is quickly becoming well known, and our reporters at the court have sent word that the Link brothers, well known attorneys for Oscar Vanderbilt, are representing Miss Dalian. Opening arguments will begin this week, and we promise to bring our readers every word that is spoken during this case.

Mr. Perry looked well put together as he was escorted out of his house, in fact he even looked like he had posed for the photograph. He smiled, and Constance clung to his arm and gave all appearances of being the concerned and devoted wife. I folded the newspaper back up, slapping it down onto the desk. The banner practically grinned up at me, The New York Journal. Of course it was that Hearst rag that had scooped it, and now all the other papers would be scrambling to catch up. Pictures of myself would be plastered everywhere, as would pictures of Will.

And then the sinking would be talked about.

I stood, walking to the windows and looking out over the harbor. It had been almost a year, a year since everything had been turned upside down. I couldn't help leaning forward and resting my head on the glass, feeling the cold surface press against my skin. It wasn't the coldest thing I'd ever felt, not like the water in the lifeboat. Not like Will's hands, when he so desperately wanted to go back into the water. When he clung to me, soaking my clothes and I promised to be strong, to not grieve and to be the one to keep him steady. And then I failed. It was before I knew Father had died, before-

"Ana?" Will's voice cut through my thoughts, and I jerked away from the glass. "You've been in here for hours."

I pressed my hand to my head, feeling the mark on my skin. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

"What's that?" He moved to the desk, quickly reading the article. "Hmph, doesn't he paint a pretty picture?" I felt his arms slide around my waist, his head on my shoulder. "But you weren't thinking about him, not for this long."

"Partly," I wrapped my hands around his. "But not entirely."

"Henry? Zachary?"

"No." I let out a breath, "It's been almost a year."

"Ah, that." His hands tightened. "It's been on my mind too." Will took in a long breath, his voice low. "I, I've been having nightmares again. It's been getting worse as it gets closer."

"I don't want you out at any point during it." I turned, bringing my hands up to clutch at his chest. "You or Moody, and if I could stop Charles and the others from going out-"

"I know," He brought my hands up to gently kiss them. "Adam told everyone that he talked you down from having the entire fleet laid up during that week. But you don't have to worry about James and I, we're both staying right here in the city during it. And Charles has already said Sylvie put her foot down on him being out at that time. I wouldn't surprised if the others are staying put too."

"I don't want to order you Will," I looked down. "I just worry, I worry so much about you and James and Charles. Even Oscar and Ezekiel, what they'll think of me if they're here when it happens. I know that whatever happens, it's not going to be good."

"No, it's not." Will's hands found my cheek, pulling my head back up. "For either of us, but we'll be together for it. We can stay up the entire night, and we could invite the others to help keep our mind off of things."

"Or scare them with our memories." I leaned up and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "But we still have a few more weeks." He chuckled at that, pulling me to him. I let his kiss drive away any thoughts that had been in my mind, the way his arms pressed me close to him. He grinned into the kiss, leaning his head to deepen it and press his tongue into my mouth. I stroked it with mine, reaching out to feel his lips and teeth on the tip of it.

I heard him groan slightly at that, and he pulled away. "We should stop, Ana." He let his hands linger on my waist, though. "The others should see this, and the lawyers want to meet with us tomorrow before the trial starts. They want to show us their evidence and tell us their plans."

"Right, that." I pressed my head to his shoulder. "You know, if this hadn't happened, I'd be worrying about our wedding portraits at the moment."

"I don't want to do the portraits until this has faded." He brushed his thumb over the bruise on my cheek. "You should be an angel in them, not like this." I tried not to flinch from the pressure on it, it was still rather tender. He kept his arm around me as we headed to the library, letting me put the paper before Oscar and Ezekiel.

The two of them were angry beyond measure at it, although Oscar was the one to quickly voice his outrage. "It's that damn Hearst, I know it! I wouldn't be surprised if he's a customer of Perry's."

"You can't accuse everyone of that." Ezekiel chuckled, "He could just be a greedy old bastard."

"Or he could be a blasphemous old lecher who would have been only too pleased to have Anastasia locked in some bordello." Oscar growled, "I'll take this to the Links, although I'm sure they've seen it."

"We may as well all go to their offices, they wanted us to come today anyway." I sighed, starting for the door. It was fairly quick for all of us to be gathered, although I wore a veil again. Mother insisted, not only to hide my bruise but to keep my face out of the papers in case any reporters or photographers were waiting around for our arrival. I only wished I could do something for Will in that area, but a veil would have looked foolish with the bowler hat he was wearing. In the end we were all crammed together in Mother's car, puttering across town to the plain brownstone that housed Link & Link, Attorneys. There was a crowd of reporters outside, although some men in plain clothes quickly cleared a path for us. It did not stop them from shouting though.

"Miss Dalian! Your thoughts on the case?"

"Do you think you have a chance?"

"Mr. Perry is innocent! How can you accuse him of such a crime?"

"Mrs. Dalian, how could you allow your daughter to fall into such a situation?"

I recognized some of them men holding them back as the Pinkertons from outside the house, even as I was hustled inside by Will. Oscar had his arm around Mother, while Ezekiel brought up the rear. He also practically barred the door as soon as we were inside, blocking the windows until one of the clerks came over to help with the shades. The Link brothers office was well appointed, cherry wood book cases lining the walls and desks with electric lamps spread over the floor. Rhett Link was waiting outside a door, "Ah, Miss Dalian. My apologies, those vultures have been waiting around all day. I take it you saw the piece in The Journal?"

"Yes, I did." I raised my head, the veil brushing across my face. "It was rather hard to miss."

"Well, all of you come in. We have plenty to discuss." He opened the door behind him, letting us into a large meeting room. A massive table was covered with papers, pens, books and a few items that seemed out of place. Dalton was shuffling some papers into order, although he stood and nodded to us as we came in. It was only after we were all sat that Rhett spoke again. "I hope that you all won't mind if I speak freely? Perhaps a bit harshly?"

"Tell us what you have planned." Mother spoke quietly. "Don't spare our gentle feelings."

"Mrs. Dalian, I've never thought of you as gentle." Oscar chuckled, "If anything, you're rather fearsome."

"Only to you and Mr. Murdoch, Oscar." Mother demurred, although I could see the grin on her face.

Rhett coughed gently, "If I may begin?" He waited for us all to nod before he began. "Through witness testimony and the word of a person remaining anonymous for their safety, we have roughly pieced together the reasons behind the attack." He gestured to one of the items laid out on the table, a red silk dress in a box. "Mr. Perry was quite prepared for his plan to succeed, this dress was intended for Miss Dalian and had been placed in the finest room of his establishment. His plans after she had been kidnapped was to present her to an unidentified client, according to our anonymous witness he and the client had suffered a falling out and he was hoping to repair their relationship through her. The men had accomplished this task for Mr. Perry several times before, in fact they had taken our anonymous witness from the streets. But they were unprepared for her to fight back, and for Mr. Vanderbilt to interfere."

Will had twisted his fingers together as Rhett had spoken. "We know this." What he left unsaid was that we also knew the identity of the customer I was intended for, but perhaps that was for the best. I didn't want what had happened with Mr. Reichster to become public knowledge, it wasn't for people to gossip about.

"The kidnappers have pleaded guilty to their charges of attempted kidnapping, and the one to the assault of Miss Dalian. In exchange for their testimony against Mr. Perry they have received reduced sentences."

"How long?" Mother fixed Dalton with a glare as he looked up.

"Three years in prison for each of them, with an additional two for the one who hit Miss Dalian." Dalton stated very matter of factly. "I understand that may be displeasing to you, but their testimony will be vital to putting Mr. Perry behind bars."

"That's hardly anything." Ezekiel stood, walking behind us and raking his hands through his hair. "Five years? And that's if he doesn't get busted out by someone."

"It's the best we could hope for." Rhett sighed, "Mr. Perry is rather slippery, and his lawyers are well prepared to fight this out. With opening arguments in two days, we need everything we can get." He moved to a blackboard that had been set up, flipping it over. A list had been written out in a clean hand, and he moved through it line by line. "First, we will lay out the facts of the attack, where it was, how it happened, and what Miss Dalian was doing there. Second, we will use the testimony of the kidnappers to show that the blame lays squarely on Mr. Perry. Finally, we will use our anonymous testimony to show that this attack was premeditated and his plans for Miss Dalian were of the most evil nature."

"It sounds well thought out." I spoke up. "Do we have a chance?"

"I think we have a very good chance." Dalton removed his glasses, pinching his nose. "Our chances could only improve in one way, if you take the stand."

"What?"

"If you are willing to take the stand and undergo cross examination, his conviction is practically assured." Dalton put his glasses back on. "But I must warn you, Mr. Perry's lawyers are going to be vicious. They won't take it easy on you because of your sex or what you went through. They will try to break you down in every way that they can. If you don't feel you can take it, tell us now."

"Ana, can I speak to you privately?" Will turned to me, his voice low. At my nod he helped me up, and Rhett opened a side door to an office. Will pulled me to a far corner, his hands on my arms. It took him a minute to speak, his face troubled. "Don't do this."

"Will, I have to." I sighed, reaching up and brushing my veil back over my hat. "They said it's going to be a sure thing if I do."

"They're going to destroy you." He brought his hands to my shoulders. "I don't want you to have to deal with what they're going to do." His hands tightened. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I allowed you to do that, if I had to watch them tear into you. Ana, Oscar said there's no way for him to avoid a conviction. Listen to him, trust him! Don't let them force you into this."

I tried to duck my head, but he caught my chin and forced my gaze back up. I held his eye, watching the clear blue of them as they stared into mine. "I'm tired of letting them get away with this Will. I'm tired of them trying, over and over. There's two ways we can stop this. We can either show them that if they try it again they will go to prison," I brought my hand up to his collar, brushing my thumb across his throat. "Or you can fuck me." He gasped at that, his grasp on my shoulders tighter. "I heard Oscar too, this is all going on in the name of blackmail, and what Mr. Reichster wants from me. If I'm not a virgin, even if he succeeds, he can't blackmail me with anything!"

Will swallowed, his throat moving under my thumb. "Ana, you can't be serious." I moved my hand up to clutch at the back of his head. He leaned into my hand, his eyes closing. "I would still want you if you weren't a virgin, I won't ever stop wanting you. Even if he had succeeded, I would still marry you. I would still want you." His hand came up, wrapping his fingers around mine and pulling it away from his cheek. "But I'm not going to deflower you just to avoid this. We can make it to the wedding, I want it to be then."

"Then I'm going to have to testify." I stepped forward, resting my forehead on his chest. "It's either going to be that or you fucking me, and since you won't-"

"It's not that I don't want to." He interrupted, clutching me to him. "You know how much I want you Ana, but if I did it solely because of this it would be as transactional as an engagement at one of Perry's places. An act simply to reach a favorable conclusion, for one party. I don't want it to be like that." His hands dropped from my waist, moving lower to press me to him. "I want it to be because we don't have to wait anymore, because we've sworn ourselves to each other. Because I would go mad with want if I couldn't have you right there and then."

I threw my arms around his neck, pressing myself to him. "And I want that too, but if we don't do this before the wedding, he could try again." I felt Will's lips against my neck, their movement shaky. "Just take me Will, or let me speak."

He breathed deeply, "Then testify, but I don't know how much longer I can resist you."

"You don't have to." I pressed my lips to his ear, whispering. "You could always give in, we could do it tonight."

"At least leave me my strength of will, love." He pulled back, looking me in my eye. "Everything else is already yours." He reached up, pulling my veil back down. "I am going to be there every day of the trial, and I don't care what they accuse me of, I'm going to only focus on you."

"I hardly doubt they could accuse you of anything, aside from loyalty." I gave his hand a squeeze, and we both made our way back to the table. The hushed conversation the lawyers had been having with Oscar quieted as I sat. I drew in a deep breath, hoping that I could screw my courage to the sticking place not only now but in the future. "I will take the stand."

"We should prepare her." Rhett looked over to Dalton. "Don't hold back."

Dalton stood, coming to loom over me. "I'm going to be harsh, but only so you know what you will face." His voice dropped, condescension immediately dripping from his lips. "Miss Dalian, what were you doing at that tailor's shop?"

"Picking up my fiancé's wedding suit."

"Not meeting a lover?"

"Of course not." I drew back, immediately offended. "I don't have a lover."

"And yet you've been seen in the company of men, unchaperoned, many times." He began to tick them off on his fingers. "Mr. Oscar Vanderbilt, one Ezekiel Fields, five men from the Titanic inquiries last year, oh and of course your fiancé." A smirk appeared on his lips as Oscar shot to his feet, although Ezekiel quickly tugged him back to his seat. "You've been seen out with him a number of times without a member of the family to assure that he's on his best behavior." Mother hissed out a breath at that. "But then again, you've been living with him. What's to stop you from sharing his bed and deciding to take another into yours while you're at it? We all know sailors enjoy having a home port to return to, and the female company that it provides. Perhaps you worried about him wandering while he's in Britain and decided to give him something to think about back here in America? But then you discovered how you enjoyed it, so you took any man that you could. A fitting at a tailor's is a perfect excuse for a liaison."

"That's a damned lie!" Will growled, standing. "Ana is innocent of any of that!"

"We understand this, Mr. Murdoch." Rhett sighed, "But this is what the defense is going to do, turn her innocently having male friends into scandals. This act isn't just for her, but for you all as well."

"They really wouldn't do that, would they?" My voice sounded far too quiet when I spoke. "I really haven't done any of those, those things you said."

Dalton pinched his nose. "They will do anything to distract from the airtight case that we have. What we need from you Miss Dalian is very simple. We need you to be honest on the stand, but to appear as meek and innocent as a kitten. If you, or anyone," He looked to those gathered around the table. "React with anger to what they say then it will come off as defensive, as if their accusations are true and we are acting out to shut them up." He gave me a smile though. "But if we can control ourselves, then it will show itself for what it truly is, a man haranguing a poor girl who's only crime was to catch the wrong sort of attention through no fault of her own."

"I understand the logic behind it." Mother reached over and took my hand. "But you cannot expect me to hear my daughter slandered like that and have no reaction."

"Oh, react to the press all you want." Rhett chuckled, "After the trial. But they're going to be all over you every time we get there and every time we leave, you can't say a word to them." He grinned at Dalton, "But we can."

"And we will." Dalton nodded to his brother. "We will defend her not only in the courts but in the press, and you are free to take up the banner after the trial. But only after, to react as fiercely in the papers as you all have right now would come off as possibly trying to sway the jury."

"I thought they'd been sequestered." Oscar had knitted his brows together. "I had it from a clerk I know."

"They have been, but word always gets through somehow." Rhett shrugged. "And the judge has made it clear that he's not going to let this drag onto into more of a circus. It's going to be fast, which means that it's going to be rough." He looked to Dalton. "We should continue, if you're ready?" At my nod, Dalton began again. I found it helped to focus on something, to try and ignore what he was saying. At first I focused on Mother's hand around mine, but Rhett eventually made me sit away from everyone. I wouldn't have them around me when I was testifying, he remarked as he dragged a chair to face them. So instead I focused on their faces as Dalton hurled abuse after abuse at me, the way their eyes would flinch when he would accuse me of some other vile act.

Ezekiel was the first to truly get control of himself, a smirk rising on his face. I knew he'd want to laugh about the outlandish things I was accused of later. Mother slowly became a statue, her posture perfect and her eyes distant. I tried not to look at her too much, it was far too similar to how she had looked after the sinking. Oscar never quite gained complete control of himself, Dalton drew his attention multiple times to the way he was constantly clenching and unclenching his hands, the tightness in his face. But Will, oh Will. I could see him flinch every time I was accused of having another lover, of this being nothing but a game to amuse them. That I enjoyed spurning him behind his back, that I spent the time he was away in drunken revelries with any number of men.

At one point he was half out of his chair before catching himself, sitting back down slowly. Even as I practiced denying everything, I tried to let him know with my eyes how much I needed him. I needed him to be strong, to be able to be there for me. I could see the stoicism build in him slowly, like a splinter festering in him. I hated to see the far away look in his eyes, the sneer that came to his lips as he slowly relaxed into the role. It was hours before Dalton declared us ready enough to pass the opening arguments without embarrassing ourselves, and even more time to wade through the reporters and get home.

I found Will in his sitting room, smoking his pipe and staring at the fire that had been built. I sat next to him, reaching for his hand. "Perhaps it would be best if you didn't come to the trial. I didn't like seeing you like that."

"I didn't like having to be like that." He bit out the words as if they pained him, but his hand was gentle as he clasped mine. "But I'll be damned if I let you face that alone."

Chapter Text

The reporters outside the courthouse were as thick as flies on a carcass, plain clothes Pinkertons and police holding them and the crowd of spectators back to clear a path up the steps. A Pinkerton was even driving the car, and another sitting beside him with a shotgun in his hand. I tried not to focus on it, trying to remember how things were going to happen in the court. Today was the time for opening statements, for the Links to lay out why Evan Perry was guilty and for his own lawyers to argue against it. I found myself breathing deeply, trying to remember what I was to do.

"Will," I looked over as he squeezed my hand. "Can you sit behind me today?"

"I'll be right behind you every day." He nodded as the car stopped, Oscar and Ezekiel leaving first. Ezekiel handed Mother out, and Will drew me after him. I tried not to cringe from the flash of camera bulbs, glad for the veil that hid my face. Rhett wanted to keep the bruise hidden for as long as he could, to be revealed when I took the stand. Will dropped his hand from mine, instead putting his arm around me as we bowled past the reporters, not even bothering to listen to the shouted questions. I could see some of the reporters trying to shove their way through the line, arms outstretched as they cried.

Will froze for a second, staring as one man screamed a question to him. It took the police officer shoving the man back and reaching for his gun to shake him out of it, and he hurried me past them. The courthouse was a bastion of quiet once we were inside, all marble floors and dark wood. I grabbed Will's arm, pulling him aside. I wanted to pull my veil aside, to look at him without the fuzzy outline, but I settled for squeezing his hand. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, yes." He shook his head, his eyes still cloudy. "It was just, back on the ship-"

"I know." I nodded, remembering the men trying to force their way past a line of sailor, Will pale and screaming at them to stand back. The way the men had jostled me and the line of women and children, the crack of a man's elbow across my cheek. God, I could even smell the cold, the way it had seemed to flood my lungs that night. And Will, terrified and maddened by what had happened, knowing only to do his duty and nothing more. I tried to banish those thoughts along with my worries about the trial. "But we're here."

"Yes."

"Perhaps we should come a bit early tomorrow, try and avoid them?"

"It might be a good idea." His eyes finally seemed to focus, and the hand that came up to stroke my shoulder was steady. "Would keep you out of the papers too."

"They'll still write about me." I shrugged, starting over to the others who had managed to find the Link brothers. "Nothing will stop that." I felt Will slide his hand down my arm, twining his fingers around mine. "But soon enough they'll be writing about our wedding." Will laughed at that, catching the attention of the group. I nodded to the Links, "Gentlemen, I hope you're feeling prepared for today."

"There's nothing like a trial to get the blood pumping." Rhett chuckled, and he gestured with his chin to the group on the other side of the lobby. I could see Mr. and Mrs. Perry talking to a group of men in suits, all of them nodding and smiling. "Our competition, Rhys Dyer and his cronies. Don't worry, we've got them." I tried to stop myself from winding my fingers around Will's too tightly, I was worried I might hurt him. It took time for everyone to file into the courtroom, the prosecution and the defense quickly followed by a stream of reporters and spectators that had managed to get access to the gallery. I had to let go of Will's hand as we crossed the bar to the table our team had been provided, and Rhett put his hand on my shoulder to guide me to the chair set aside for me. "Relax Miss Dalian, everything is under control."

"I hope so." I muttered, glancing back to see the others behind me. Will gave me a weary smile, trying to ignore the rising conversation that began to swirl around the room. It seemed to build and build, only broken when a man near the judge's chair began calling out for order. Everyone rose in respect as Judge Withers entered, an older man with salt and pepper hair in a black robe.

He arranged some papers on his desk before speaking. "Bring in the jury." A door from a room behind his bench was opened, a group of men filing in and taking their places. Rhett and Dalton began to murmur between themselves about their chances with some of the jurors, they seemed to feel rather strongly that they would side with us. Judge Withers waited for them to take their seats, then turned to face the various lawyers that had been assembled. "Gentlemen, I hope that you remember my statement when we were selecting out jury. This trial will take place quickly, and honorably." He glared at all of us at that. "The prosecution may proceed with their opening statement."

Rhett stood, "Thank you, Your Honor." He turned to the jury, his stance relaxed and easy. "Gentlemen, you know you have been brought here to judge whether or not the defendant engaged in a conspiracy to kidnap my client." He strode down the gallery, his footsteps echoing across the room. "We shall prove that Mr. Perry engaged the services of rough men to steal my client away, and that he intended her for the most vile and heinous purpose!" He spun on his foot at that, glaring across at the defense. "That this man not only wanted her brought to him, but that he was planning to sacrifice her virtue for his own gain!" The gallery of spectators suddenly began buzzing, pencils scribbling across paper and hushed conversations hissed back and forth. Rhett raised his voice. "We have the testimony of not only the kidnappers, who have plead guilty of their own volition, but from a source with access to the evil business he engages in. A spider, clinging to the underbelly of our fairy city and taking what ever he pleases, whether it be money, power or even an innocent woman!" I could see Mr. Perry speaking to his lawyers, Rhys nodding and pointing to something on his papers. Rhett ignored them, instead nodding to Judge Withers. "Your Honor, the prosecution has finished."

Wither silenced the gallery with a bang of his gavel. "The defense may now make their opening statements."

Rhys Dyer stood with far too much confidence as he turned to the jury. "You fine gentlemen of the jury, I hope you will not let the prosecution cloud your judgement. My client, a great philanthropist with a kind and loving heart," I heard Oscar snort behind me, and a muffled curse from Ezekiel. "Hardly knows Miss Dalian, beyond what we have all read in the papers. My client is being framed by those so called kidnappers, who have conspired with Miss Dalian in order to blacken my client's name! You will see how she planned this out, how she maneuvered every piece into play simply for her own amusement." He looked back over his shoulder at me. "She can't even show her face, that should tell you all you need to know about the guilt that she is carrying for slandering my client."

"Ignore him." Dalton hissed. "He's baiting you. Keep the veil down." Instead I wrapped my hands around the arms of the chair as the defense returned to their table and the calling of witnesses began. It was rather tedious, the Links had decided to start slow and wait a few days before allowing me to speak. So they started by bringing Lewis up to the stand. Dalton spoke kindly to him. "Mr. Graham, I certainly hope your head is feeling better."

"It is, sir." Lewis looked rather uncomfortable to be addressed in such a way. "Thank you."

"Now, Mr. Graham, you have been employed by the Dalian family for how long?"

"Ten years, sir."

"Always as a coachman?"

"Yes, and I take care of the horses. I've helped run errands, as well."

"And your opinion of the family?"

He glanced toward Mother. "They've been a fine family to work for, sir. Never overly demanding, and they pay well. I've been happy during my time with them."

"Describe the events of March 19th, if you don't mind Mr. Graham."

"Miss Anastasia asked me to drive her to the tailor's." He waited for Dalton to nod before continuing. "I had taken her there before to leave off Mr. Murdoch's measurements, and she knew the street well enough that I didn't have to try and fight for a space among the cabs. She brought her dog, and both went inside. I had stepped down to tend to the horses, they needed a little grain, when someone cracked me across my head." He rubbed at the back of his skull. "Next thing I remembered I was all tied up in the carriage itself, and then Mr. Vanderbilt was getting me loose and settling me down in his car. He just wanted me to hold the box containing Mr. Murdoch's uniform."

"And Miss Dalian?" Dalton looked over to the jury as he spoke.

"Senseless, and being carried by Mr. Vanderbilt." Lewis gave me a slight smile. "I didn't see her beyond that, but they sent the doctor they brought for her down to see me."

"Did you notice anything when Mr. Vanderbilt was carrying her?"

Lewis nodded. "Yes, he was carrying her hat and her hatpin. It was covered in blood, and her dog was following him."

"Do you think she defended herself with her hatpin?"

"I hardly doubt it, and I know she set the dog on one of them. When Mr. Vanderbilt's men were throwing them into the carriage I saw one of them with a bloody arm." Lewis kept his calm, although I could see him shift in his chair. "I think she defended herself in any way that she could."

"Do you think that she was under an immediate threat by these men?"

"Considering the way they treated me, yes, I do."

Dalton patted the railing of the gallery. "The prosecution is finished with this witness, Your Honor."

At Judge Wither's nod, Rhys stood and strode right up to Lewis. "How often do you drive Miss Dalian and her fiancé around?"

"Quite often sir, they enjoy going out."

"And what do they do when you drive them out?"

"They attend dinners, parties, the theater." Lewis leaned a bit away from Rhys, the lawyer had begun to invade the witness stand. "They prefer the carriage to the car."

"Hmm, rather frivolous aren't they?"

Rhett slammed his hands on the table as he stood, his voice pointed. "Judge Withers, that is clearly a call for speculation! Every person has a different definition of frivolity."

"I acknowledge that Mr. Link, Mr. Graham please answer the question but I would ask the jury to take Mr. Link's statement into account." Judge Withers kept himself calm, but he did look down to Lewis as he began to speak.

"I've never thought so sir, the place she has me drive her the most is the company offices. She arrives early and stays late, she has been quite dedicated since she inherited her shares of it."

If that affected Rhys he didn't show it, simply humming for a moment. "And who all works at the offices? I highly doubt it's staffed by ladies of good breeding."

"No sir, it's men." Lewis ground his jaw. "Men who have worked for her family for years and have been around her since she was a child."

"Of course, of course. But it's also filled with rough sailors coming off of the ships, men from every corner of the globe." Rhys chuckled, "But then again, she is engaged to a rough sailor, is she not."

"No sir, she's not." Lewis looked like he would have spit on him if he could. "Mr. Murdoch is an honorable man, an officer and a gentlemen and he has been nothing but a credit to the company since he has been hired."

"Despite the fact that his negligence caused the deaths of over fifteen hundred people a year ago?"

"Objection!" It was Dalton shooting to his feet now. "Mr. Murdoch has been cleared by both the American and British inquiries and his status should have no bearing on this trial. It is completely meaningless to the case before this court."

"Sustained." Judge Withers nodded, turning to Rhys. "You will keep your questioning to the events surrounding this case."

"Of course, Your Honor." Rhys had the gall to smile as he turned back to Lewis. "One last line of questioning for you Mr. Graham, have you ever driven Miss Dalian around with men who are not her fiancé?"

Lewis glared, but answered. "Yes, I have."

"And they are?"

"Mr. Ezekiel Fields, a friend of hers from childhood."

"Did she have a chaperone when you drove them?"

"No."

"Not her mother? Or a brother?"

"Mrs. Dalian was deeply grieving the loss of her husband," Lewis growled, "And Miss Anastasia is an only child, as you well know."

Rhys turned to the jury, smiling. "The defense is finished with this witness, Your Honor." Lewis was dismissed, making his way to a seat in the gallery. I heard Mother murmuring her thanks to him, that he was truly a great asset to us. He grumbled back an apology, that he didn't think they were going to try and twist what I'd done that way. I sighed, my mind losing track of what was happening as Mr. Cooper was sworn in.

Rhett started the questioning this time, establishing Mr. Cooper's history with the company and the fact that he was immensely skilled. Mr. Cooper was rather nervous as he spoke, but Rhett calmly led him along. Soon enough he was relating how I had come to him to order a uniform for the wedding and all the work he had done to get it finished. "I ordered some of it from Britain but I did most of it myself. American and British naval uniforms are not very dissimilar and bear a great resemblance to the Dalian uniforms I make every day-"

"Your Honor, I thought we were going to hear about the events of that day, not a lecture on the finer points of a stitch." Rhys loudly complained from his table, drawing a chuckle from some in the crowd.

"I was only trying to explain that Miss Dalian's request was not that unusual." Mr. Cooper sounded much more meek on the stand.

"Of course, Mr. Cooper." Rhett glared at Rhys. "Perhaps you could tell us why you tended to Miss Dalian yourself instead of allowing an apprentice to do so?"

"Well, her company has employed my shop for many years so I thought it was my duty." His voice jumped a bit as he spoke. "Besides, I don't often get the chance to make a wedding suit. I wanted to make it as fine as I could."

"Did Miss Dalian have her dog with her?"

"Yes, he knocked over a display." Mr. Cooper smiled at that, "She helped pick up the shoes herself."

"What happened once you had the uniform packed up?"

"Miss Dalian took it herself, I had reached out to help but she had shaken her head. My street is usually quite safe, so I bid her goodbye as she made her way outside. It wasn't until I heard Mr. Vanderbilt's car that I checked what was going on out there."

"And what did you see?"

"Mr. Vanderbilt's men binding the kidnappers and locking them in Miss Dalian's carriage, it wasn't much longer before they all left."

"Thank you Mr. Cooper, we're finished with him." Rhett addressed this to the Judge, but gave Mr. Cooper a smile as he went back to his chair.

Judge Withers looked up from his notes. "Mr. Dyer, you may proceed."

"Thank you, Your Honor. Mr. Cooper, has Miss Dalian visited your shop often?" Rhys was already speaking as he rose to his feet.

"Not very often, but she hardly has need of what I offer."

"Ah yes, I take it you don't sell ballgowns?" Rhys was clearly trying to play to the crowd, and even a couple of jury members grinned at that. "When she came that day, what other clients did you have?"

"Officers from her ships, and some of the clerks from the office." Mr. Cooper shrugged, "It wasn't an unusual day for us in terms of business."

"Are these men familiar with Miss Dalian?"

"I would think so, seeing as she employs them." Mr. Cooper's brow was furled. "She knows most of the clerks from the offices."

"Was she with you the entire time?"

Mr. Cooper seemed to shrink in his chair. "I had to go and collect her order, so no."

"And how long did it take you to bring her purchases?"

"Perhaps ten minutes?" The poor tailor pressed his fingers to his temples. "It wasn't very long, but she had a large order."

"Ten minutes." Rhys walked along the jury as he mused. "A lot can happen in ten minutes, a chance encounter." He looked back at me suddenly, "Or a planned one." Rhys should have been grateful for the veil I was wearing, for I felt like I could have killed him with my glare. But he blithely continued. "Did Miss Dalian speak to anyone else in your store?"

"She apologized to an apprentice for knocking over the display."

"Anyone else?"

"No."

"But during those ten minutes, she could have?"

Mr. Cooper shifted on the seat. "I suppose so."

"Ah," Rhys smiled. "Ten minutes alone, in a shop full of men familiar with her. And no chaperone." That drew a hushed murmur from the gallery, and I was barely paying attention as Mr. Cooper was dismissed and the judge called a recess for today. It was already late afternoon and I was starving, but as I let Will bundle me back into the car I couldn't help the twisting in my gut.

I threw the veil up, taking in deep breaths of air as I tried to explain. "Will, I didn't meet anyone at the shop."

"I know, Ana." He slipped his hand around mine. "It's all lies."

"But they're believing them!" I tried to shake my head, but it was too fast and everything was swimming around me. "They're believing everything he says! He's lying, and I don't," I had to pause, a wave of nausea passing over me. "I don't know what will happen if we lose."

"Likely nothing." Oscar, across from me, shrugged. "We may have to pay his legal fees, but it isn't as if they could throw you in jail."

"Are you quite certain, Mr. Vanderbilt?" Mother sounded far away to me, and I clung to Will's hand to keep me grounded.

"Fairly so, Mrs. Dalian. The kidnappers pleaded guilty, and we have testimony from them to implicate Perry. I know the Links are saving it for tomorrow, and Anastasia's testimony for the day after that, but even if the jury doesn't believe them they can't do anything to Anastasia. She hasn't done anything wrong."

"We'll come out of this fine, either way." Will muttered, holding me close to him. "And in a few months this will all seem like a distant nightmare." I couldn't even whisper an agreement with him, for I felt as if I tried to speak I might vomit. I let the others carry on in their discussion, trying to focus on the points that Oscar had brought up. Even if they found Mr. Perry innocent, I was safe. We were safe. I tried to believe that with every breath I took because I knew if I didn't I'd be lost.

Chapter Text

We arrived to the court so early the next day that I wound up dozing on Will's shoulder while we waited for the courts to officially open. I didn't mind, we'd managed to avoid the reporters and the photographers so I would gladly take a nap on Will and listen to his steady breathing. However Ezekiel was not so pleased, and he groused plenty as we waited. "I didn't even have a chance to get a cup of coffee, Annie."

"Then perhaps you shouldn't have slept thirty minutes longer than all of us." Oscar chuckled, "I'm sure we could get a reporter to get us some coffee, you just would have to offer an interview."

"And have them ask me if I was carrying one with her?" Ezekiel snorted. "I'd rather yawn my way through today. What's on the docket?"

"Docket?" Mother laughed at that. "My word, perhaps I'll have to tell Morgan you're looking for a change in careers."

I opened my eyes so I could see the flush on Ezekiel's cheek. "I had no idea you were picking up legal language, Zeke. I'm sure Oscar would be willing to tutor you."

"I would indeed!" Oscar grinned widely. "After all, a little Latin never hurt anyone." Ezekiel groaned as Oscar began to launch into a lecture. "You know, Professor Featherstone at Cambridge always said that the law is not limited to men of means, that anyone could become a lawyer simply by applying himself." I could see the light in Oscar's eyes as he kept speaking. "I mean, look at Lincoln! He came from nothing and simply studied and studied until he could debate like an expert. And I myself may come from means, but plenty of my fellows were sons of working men who had an aptitude for-"

"Forget I said anything." Ezekiel cut him off, "I think I've learned plenty already."

"So you're ready to teach a course, then?" Will asked, his voice light.

Ezekiel shook his head. "Perhaps, although I would rather teach one on have to properly navigate your way through a storm." He cocked his head to the side for a moment, considering. "Or how to curse enough to break up a fight. I've done that a fair number of times."

"I hardly think you could curse your way out of this." Mother sighed, "That Dyer is a snake."

"He's a goddamn liar is what he is." It was out of Ezekiel's mouth before he could stop himself, and he immediately ducked his head. "Sorry, Mrs. Dalian."

"It's quite alright." Mother shrugged. "He is a goddamn snake of a man." I actually laughed at that, my veil shaking from my mirth. It was going to be the last day for me to wear it the whole time, Rhett and Dalton had everything for the third day planned to the minute. They'd introduce the evidence they'd gathered and the anonymous testimony in the morning, and then have me testify after. At a certain point Rhett would ask me if I suffered any injury during the attack, and then I would remove the veil. He had even told me to bring extra powder to make the bruise stand out even more.

"Father used to curse when he drank a bit too much." I smiled, remembering how he once came home and declared Mother to be the finest fucking lady in New York. "It was never in anger though, and he'd always get us something after to apologize."

"It was usually chocolates." Mother had a small smile on her face. "Or flowers, he always used to get me roses when he came back from a trip."

"I'll have to remember that." Will squeezed me up against him. "Two bouquets of roses when I come back, for both of you."

"I would enjoy that, Mr. Murdoch." Mother's voice was far too even and calm, it sounded forced. "I can send you the card for our florist." We quieted down as clerks began to arrive, other lawyers and their clients making their way to various courtrooms through the vast hallways. I watched them wander past us, and I couldn't help but wonder what they were here for. Perhaps that couple was divorcing, or maybe they were dealing with an inheritance. Everyone seemed so focused and intense, it was unlikely anyone here was doing anything frivolous.

"You're all here early." I heard Rhett Link call out as he and his brother approached. "Can't say I was expecting it."

"The reporters were a bit intense yesterday," I said, standing going to greet them. "We all thought it would be better to avoid them."

"Don't avoid them too much, we still need you in the papers." Dalton pursed his lips. "I understand that it's distasteful, but with your testimony tomorrow we need to build up the anticipation. Try and get a few photos taken as you leave, perhaps with Mr. Murdoch reaching out to protect you. That would come off well, for the both of you actually."

Mother pursed her lips. "Are you still confident in our chances after yesterday?"

"Of course, Mrs. Dalian." Rhett smiled, coming over to pat Mother's hand. "If you noticed, yesterday they didn't refute a single fact about the attack and simply focused on trying to smear your daughter. They can't dispute the facts, so they're resorting to personal attacks. We have a very good chance."

"Especially given that the jury has been sequestered." Dalton mumbled, and he wound up leading the rest of us into the courtroom as others began to arrive. I saw Mr. Perry, not even cuffed and laughing with the officer escorting him to the defense's table. His wife was behind him, smiling and simpering when he turned back to talk to her. A good number of people were crowded into the court today, the reporters from yesterday claiming seats as close to the bar as they could. I tried to ignore the whispered comments they were sending back and forth, the talk about how well papers were selling with this trial on.

The quieted down as the first witness of the day was brought in. He may not have had the threadbare top hat he had worn when I saw him last, but I recognized him. Rhett strolled up to him, an easy grin on his face. "So, Mr. Rutherford Graves, what exactly is your form of employment?"

"I take odd jobs." He shrugged. "Things most people won't do."

"Such as?"

"Breaking arms when you don't pay someone back, smashing windows, burning places out."

Rhett actually leaned against the witness stand, looking to the jury. "And kidnapping women?"

"On occasion." Rutherford's statement drew a large gasp from the gallery, he seemed to revel in the attention. "It's not my most common form of employment, but I deal with it when it comes up."

"And the other two that will be testifying today? Huston Kite and Dennis Sing?"

"Two men who I've used before, kidnapping is a very delicate art."

Rhett strode over to our table, pretending to peruse some papers as he continued. "So you consider yourself an artist, then?"

"In a sense." Rutherford looked to me, smiling. "You have to learn your target's movements, their attitude, and adjust your plans accordingly. Miss Dalian goes to her offices in the morning, and usually does not leave until late. Fortunately her carriage was recognizable, so when she left the offices early that day we were able to follow her." I tried not to shrink in on myself as he explained. "We had a car, parked it across the street and then dealt with the coachman. We'd been told if we cut her up we wouldn't get paid, but women tend to get scared when they see a knife."

"And who had hired you?"

I saw Rhys begin to grind his jaw as Rutherford answered easily. "Evan Perry, he'd engaged us for jobs like this before."

"What happens with the women you've taken for him?"

"He turns them out, I've taken a turn with a couple of them myself." Rutherford smiled as if he was reminiscing about a fine day in the park. "But he told us it wasn't going to be like that for Miss Dalian, that she was for someone special." The reporters were talking at full volume now, and Constance Perry had surged to her feet and begun railing at them about her husband's business.

"We own boardinghouses! Fine and proper boardinghouses!"

"Bawdy houses you mean!" A reporter laughed, drawing a riot of further comments from the rest of the crowd.

Judge Withers was quite indulgent with his gavel, his bailiff bawling for order and for quiet at the crowd. It took several minutes for the crowd to quiet down, and Judge Withers was on his feet, his fingers jabbing at Constance as he spoke. "You will keep quiet in my court room or I will have you held in contempt!"

"You can't-"

"I can and I will, Mrs. Perry! Now sit down and be quiet!" He thundered, and I saw Constance pale as she sat, her arms close around her.

Rhett had been grinning the entire time. "Did he tell you who Miss Dalian was for?"

"No, just that we were to pick her up, not cut her, and bring her back." Rutherford chuckled, "He promised us a handsome payment, although I think most of it would have gone back into his pockets. The other two tend to spend money as soon as they get it."

"Had you seen Miss Dalian before you began watching her?"

"Not outside of the papers, hell, I still haven't spoken to her." He glanced to me, ignoring the judge's order that he keep his language clean. "Can't even see her now." Rhett let him pass over to the defense, and Rhys began to grill him on every bit of detail he could remember. Rutherford seemed bored by it all. "It was cold, what do you want me to say? I can't remember if the sun was out or if it was dark."

"But surely you remember the attack?"

"I remember her sending that big dog of her's after Huston." I clenched my hands in my skirt as he spoke. "Hadn't thought he was an attack dog, don't usually see ladies with those. They tend to like little ones, fluffy little rats basically." He leaned back in the chair. "Wasn't expecting her to pull a hatpin out either, we'd been given to understand she was rather meek. And then the Vanderbilt showed up."

"What happened when he did?"

"Practically ran over Dennis with his car, and then his valet was dragging me down off the coach and kicking me." He reached down and rubbed his ribs. "The odds weren't good, so I lay down and let him go at it for a bit. Then they threw us in the carriage and we were in the girl's stables."

"You weren't turned over directly to the police?" Rhys raised his eyebrows. "They took you hostage?"

"Not sure if hostage was the right word." Rutherford glanced past me to Oscar. "I think they were more worried for her and wanted us somewhere they could keep an eye on us while they called the police."

"Were you mistreated when you were held by Mr. Vanderbilt?"

I remembered the split knuckles Oscar had come back with, but Rutherford shook his head. "We weren't wined and dined, but they didn't do anything beyond locking us in horse stalls while they waited."

"You weren't beaten?"

"No."

"How about bribed?" Rhys stood tall and straight before the jury. "Did you receive any kind of payment for pleading guilty to a false charge?"

Rutherford held his gaze. "No, I need a break and would rather have the state pay to house me than have to find my own way." The gallery laughed at that, and Rhys angrily dismissed him from the stand. I watched as a police officer cuffed him, taking him out and bringing in the next witness. I knew him immediately, one of his arms wrapped in white bandages from the elbow down. Part of me was worried about what he would say, but he only answered with one word each time.

Yes, or no.

Rhett worked with what he could get. "Would you have harmed Miss Dalian with your knife?"

"No."

"Did you strike her dog when she set him on you?"

"Yes."

"Would you have killed the dog to get to her?"

"Yes." I flinched at that, thinking of Rigel and being very glad that he was currently safe at home. He'd come out of what had happened just fine, if a clinging a bit more to me. I had wanted to bring him, I always felt better with him around, but that had been shot down rather quick. The Links were worried he would be disruptive or draw attention away from the case. They also said that it would make it seem as if I didn't trust the security in the courtroom.

Rhett continued on. "And if you had gotten Miss Dalian, I assume you had another job?"

"Yes."

"Was it to ensure she did not run?"

"Yes."

"And you would have used your knife to ensure that she stayed?"

"Yes."

"Would you have killed any of the men who came to her defense if you had still had the knife?"

"Yes."

Rhett pinched his nose. "I'm finished, Your Honor. Gentlemen of the jury, I would like to emphasize the fact that while this man was restrained from doing violence to Miss Dalian by the promise of payment, he had no such qualms against anyone else, man or beast. Imagine, Miss Dalian taken and her defenders lying in their blood on the street. It was very nearly the case, and it is only by the intervention of providence that it was not."

Rhys was much harsher with Huston. "Did you at any point receive promise of payment for your testimony today?"

"No."

"Did you harm Miss Dalian at all?"

"No."

"And you have already said that you would not have, if you had taken her. Have you interacted with Miss Dalian before this?"

"No."

"But you knew of her?"

"Yes."

"Do you think it is possible for a woman, unmarried mind you, to have innocent friendships with men from outside her own family?"

"No."

"You think they must be lovers?"

"Yes." I heard Mother snort behind me, and I could hear Oscar slowly gripping a paper he had brought tighter and tighter. I glanced over my shoulder to see Will, that sneer back on his face as he listened to Rhys drag out every accusation of unfaithfulness against me. He hammered the point over and over, that I had taken men into my bed, that one of them might have been my rescuer, and he seemed to be at it for hours. My stomach was growling by the time Huston was remanded back into police custody and the last witness for today was brought up.

Dennis kept the arm I had stabbed him in still, but he leaned his chin on his other hand as he was sworn in. Dalton stood, a smirk on his face. "I must ask first, Mr. Sing, how is your arm?"'

"It'll be fine." He yawned, "Long as she doesn't come at me again."

"Then I suggest you stay in your seat." Dalton commented, setting off a small rise of laughter. "I am given to understand that you were the one to speak to Miss Dalian."

"I was, although she didn't talk back much."

Dalton hardly seemed to care. "What did you say to her?"

"Told her that she should come with us, that everything would go smoothly if she did." Dennis shifted his weight. "Even told her that we'd hurt her coachman if she didn't."

"And then she set the dog on your fellow?"

"Yes, and started to run." He smirked, "Wasn't too hard to catch her, not with that box she was carrying. I would have managed to get her subdued if it hadn't been for that car almost crushing me."

"What did you see then?"

"That damn Vanderbilt almost hit me, and the girl. And then she stabbed me." He gestured towards his arm. "Damn bitch-"

"Language!" Judge Withers slammed his gavel down. "You will keep a civil tongue in my court!"

"Well it's what I called her." Dennis grumbled, "And then I hit her."

Dalton waited as a murmur went through the jury, the men shifting in their seats and a slight rumble of anger rising. "Following that?"

"Her dog almost took me out at the knees, I gave him a kick but he wouldn't leave her. And then I was getting pummeled by that Vanderbilt boy." He snorted. "You've heard everything else already, tossed us in horse stalls and then we got hauled into jail."

"And any interactions after that?"

"None." Dennis shook his head, and even when Rhys stood and took over the examination he stood by that. Rhys had just finished haranguing him about the exact condition of the stalls when Dennis snapped. "What more do you want? I was in horse stall, you want me to remember how much shit was in it?"

"That's enough!" Judge Withers yelled, "Bailiff, remove this witness! The examination is finished!"

"Your Honor, I still have more questions." Rhys spread his hands, looking contrite. "Please, let me finish."

"I have had enough of these men for the day, recess until tomorrow!" Judge Withers rose and barely gave us time to stand before he was out the door. We still had reporters swirling around us as we made our way to the car, and a Pinkerton conveniently let a photographer rush through the line. Will drew me behind him, holding an arm up to ward off the man.

The flash had barely faded from my eyes before the Pinkerton had thrown the man back out, his voice low. "Well done sir, that'll make the front page for sure. Now, get to the car." All of us hustled in, and the door was barely shut before the car took off.

I leaned back into the seat, throwing my veil off. "I'm glad I only have to wear this one more day."

"Yes, the jury should see what they did to you, my dear." Mother reached over, holding my chin and tilting my head from side to side. "I can tell it's fading, but it's still so dark."

"I'll just be glad when this is over." Will grumbled, "Although then it's the wedding."

"Yes, it will be time for all of that." I patted his hand, "I received a wire the other day, your parents have gotten their tickets for the trip over." He had just opened his mouth to speak when I continued. "As have Charles and Sylvie. On the same ship."

"Oh Christ." He pressed his other hand to his face. "And the others?"

"On later ships, but still coming." I gave his hand a squeeze, "And relax, my dear, I'm sure Charles won't scandalize your mother too much."

"I'll be so glad to meet your parents, William." Mother smiled, "Anastasia has spoke quite highly of them when I visited one day."

"And the others would be?" Ezekiel tapped Will's leg with his foot.

"The other officers from the Titanic, Ana wanted to invite them."

Oscar grinned. "I'm sure they'll have quite a few stories to tell, I'll be glad to hear them."

"Why would you be hearing them?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I would think I qualify as a good enough friend to go drinking with you for one of your last nights out as a single man." Oscar laughed at Will's face, the shock written plain on his features. "And Ezekiel as well, the both of us would be glad to make sure you get home safe."

"I'm not sure you can invite yourself along on a night like that." Will shook his head, but he was smiling. "But I would be glad to have the both of you, you have been a help during all of this, and before."

"More than you know." Oscar snorted, although he rolled his eyes at Mother's sudden rapt attention. "I may have set aside some money for those men to not mention what I got out of them back in your stables."

"Oh, Oscar you didn't." I sighed, pressing my fingers to my temples. "Bribery?"

"Only small amounts, and on the condition that they head far away from here." The grin he had was as far from mirthful as one could get. "Or they'd find that I don't make the same offer twice."

Chapter Text

We came later the next day, and I was distinctly uncomfortable for the car ride over. The Links had sent over a message, that the picture of Will protecting me was wonderful but that they would prefer a more deliberate sign. Which meant that Will, as well as Ezekiel and Oscar, was currently carrying a pistol on his hip. Will had assured me that he wouldn't even touch it until he handed it over to one of the Pinkertons for safe keeping, but it still had me sitting rigid in the seat. Every time his hand brushed across the butt of it I practically jumped, remembering the last time he had held a gun.

"I thought about using the gun, that it would be quick."

Ezekiel was sitting across from me, his pistol hanging on him with far too much ease. But it was Oscar, sitting on my other side in a well tailor suit, that kept his hand on his gun the entire time. It felt more like I was being escorted to prison rather than simply having my friends pretending to be guards. Mother, sitting beside Ezekiel, was far more at ease with the weaponry around us. To her, they were just props. But to me, God, it was a memento of the worst nights of my life.

Will stepped out first when the car stopped, handing me out. His hand was tight on mine when I grasped it, his voice a hiss. "He's here." I wasn't quite sure who he meant, and took a moment to look up out over the crowd. I practically froze when I saw him, tall and black haired, his green eyes alight as he spoke to a reporter. Will pulled me close to him. "I should kill him right here."

"You can't." I whispered, grateful for the brief moment as the others got out of the car. It kept me from having to get closer to Mr. Reichster.

He glanced over to the others. "Reichster decided to crawl out from whatever rock he's been under."

Oscar looked over, and was at Will's side in a instant, his voice hushed and quick. "Will, I know you want to kill him. I do too!"

"Not as much as me."

"Oh, you'd be surprised. But the one who gets to kill him is Ana, and she doesn't want to do anything right now." He looked to me, "Do you?"

"No, I just want to get away from him." I stepped closer to Will, hearing him grumble as Oscar took his pistol from him. Not that he kept it for very long, passing all of the weapons that had been brought over to the Pinkerton next to the driver. He did it slow enough for the cameras to flash, and he quickly led the charge through the crowd. We followed, Mother and Ezekiel behind us as we swept into the courthouse.

The Links were waiting by the door to the courtroom, and they immediately rushed forward. Rhett spoke first, "Pull the veil up, let me see what it looks like." I did, knowing that what was on my cheek was a blooming cloud of purple and black, tinted green at the edges. He considered it for a moment. "Get the powder, she needs to be paler." Dalton didn't even wait for my permission before reaching over with a powder brush, covering every part of my face except the bruise. Rhett pursed his lips as he considered it. "That should work, but don't lift the veil until you're on the stand."

"I know."

"It might not be until this afternoon, we're going to have our anonymous testimony and the evidence they gave us first."

"Alright."

"You're still comfortable testifying?"

"Yes," I sighed. "Mr. Link, please, can we just go in?"

"The doors haven't been opened yet, so no." He tried to smile, although it didn't reach his eyes. "Why don't you take a seat? Maybe Mr. Murdoch can get you some coffee or tea."

"I'm not leaving her side." Will stepped up to me, taking my arm and leading me over to a bench. Mother followed, Oscar and Ezekiel standing as the three of us clustered on the bench. Will kept his hand on me constantly, although he was constantly twisting his head to try and spot Mr. Reichster. "For him to show his face here, my God."

"I still can't believe it." Mother muttered, twisting a handkerchief in her hands. "Do you think he knows his involvement with this?"

Oscar burst out laughing. "Of course he does, I don't doubt that Dyer asked him to come today. Just to throw Annie off during her testimony."

"Do you think we'll need the Pinkertons inside the courtroom?" I looked to him. "I don't want any of us to get in trouble because he starts baiting us."

"Actually, you can bring one in to take my place." Ezekiel stepped back, but he was grinning. "I've just had a wonderful idea, but unfortunately it means I will be absent for the morning." He chuckled briefly, "I will make quite the entrance this afternoon though."

"What are you planning?" Oscar drew Ezekiel aside, the two of them speaking quietly before Oscar laughed and clapped him on the shoulder before Ezekiel headed out. He was still chuckling when he came back. "Believe me, we'll be fine until he gets back."

"What is he planning?" Mother raised an eyebrow.

"Ah, I'm afraid I can't reveal that. It's going to be a sight, though." Oscar shook his head, smiling. "But do you want a drink, Anastasia?"

"Perhaps some champagne." Mr. Reichster's voice cut through the air, harsh enough to make me flinch. "After all, that's what you were enjoying the last time we spoke, wasn't it my dear?"

"She's not your anything." Will surged to his feet, crowding Henry away from me. Or he would have, if Mr. Reichster had deigned to move. "Stay the hell away from her, by God I should thrash you right here."

"I'm quite sure any of these fine officers would be glad to haul you away." The smile on Henry's face was far too smooth.

Oscar stepped forward, his brow knitted. "I'd head on back to your friend's side. Although I'm surprised you're so willing to be seen supporting a glorified pimp."

"An innocent businessman." Mr. Reichster raised an eyebrow. "His reputation stained by a devious and deceitful woman, or perhaps the men controlling her."

"How dare you!" Mother hissed, rising to her feet. "Get away from my daughter this instant, you son of a bitch."

He chuckled, "I see Mr. Murdoch is improving the entire household's language."

"What the hell are you doing over here anyway?" Oscar actually shoved Henry back a step. "Shouldn't you be colluding with your dear friend the pimp?"

He simply held up his hands, smiling all the while. "I simply wanted to wish Anastasia good luck, I've been told that she's testifying today and I know we are all dying to hear what exactly happened to her." He looked past all of them, finding my eyes even through the veil. "Good luck, my dear. I'll be hanging on every word."

"Get away from her." Will pushed his way past Oscar, reaching out and fisting his hand around Mr. Reichster's tie. "Or I will do something rash."

"And enjoy your wedding from prison?" Henry chuckled as Will's grip relaxed, his tie slipping and and him sliding away into the crowd.

He was back by me quickly, lifting my veil to look me in the eye. "Don't let him affect you Ana, he won't get close to you. I promise." Will moved his hand around mine, pressing his lips to it. "I don't care what I have to do to stop him."

"And I promise to keep William here out of prison." Oscar knelt down beside him, taking my other hand. "I wouldn't want him to miss his wedding." I let out a bitter chuckle at that, and the two of them helped me to my feet. Mother took Oscar's other arm, and the four of us moved into the courtroom. It hurt to let go of Will's hand, but he reached over the bar to gently squeeze my shoulder once I had settled into my chair.

After the judge had arrived, Rhett stood and adjusted his lapels before speaking. "Your Honor, this case brings up an unusual witness. Our witness is an employee of Mr. Perry's, and put their safety at risk to approach our offices and testify, on the condition of anonymity of course." He pulled out a sheaf of papers, fanning them out. "This testimony has been provided to the defense, of course, but I would like to read out some relevant passages to the jury.

"I have been in Mr. Perry's employment for three years now, coming to him after my brother, who was my sole support, was arrested for theft. In my employment I have been reduced to the harshest tasks, the kind that every woman dreads to think that she might be forced to, but I do it to stay alive. Mr. Perry's establishment that I work at is patronized by some of the highest of society, and thus has avoided notice by the authorities. On the day that Miss Dalian was attacked, I was given the task to prepare the finest room for a guest that would be arriving later that day.

"I was unaware of who this guest would be, but I put myself to the task of cleaning and preparing for him. While I was working, Mr. Perry came in with a dress that he laid across the bed. It was of red silk, and he placed a gold necklace beside it. Apparently it was the favorite color of our guest, and I asked Mr. Perry who the dress was intended for. I thought it might have been one of the girls that had been around for longer, but he told me it was for a girl that would arrive later that day. A new girl, one who wouldn't be joining us, but who would please our guest immensely.

"As the day wore on, Mr. Perry became more and more agitated. He never stated his worry, but as it became later he grabbed one of the girls who charged a higher rate and told her to prepare herself. To me, he said to remove the dress and the necklace back to his office. I did so, and while I was in there the guest arrived and was closeted up in the room. It was not until I read the articles about Mr. Perry being arrested that I realized the dress and necklace had been intended for Miss Dalian. I thought it only my duty to provide what support I could to her case, no woman deserves what would have happened to her. Mr. Perry wasn't around to care if I took the dress and necklace, so I did. I can only hope that it will help her case."

The courtroom was dead silent as he read, everyone stilling so that it came as a shock when Rhys stood up. "Your Honor, you cannot think that this statement is of any worth. They refuse to identify themselves, how can we believe them if they won't even put their name to it?"

"This witness is remaining anonymous for her safety." Rhett whirled on him, "She has been sequestered to keep her safe from the thugs that your client has no doubt tried sending after her!"

Rhys ignored him. "And even if this statement is accurate, we would be trusting the word of a whore and a thief! Stealing from my client, and the prosecution accepting those pieces of evidence clearly is a violation of trust."

"The items were turned over to the police, as you well know." Dalton stood, coming around the table. "As the police also brought them to you for your offices to examine." He looked up, "Your Honor, may I present the items?"

Judge Withers looked as if he was contemplating a long drink after the day ended. "Yes, yes. Go ahead."

Dalton spoke briefly to an officer, who left and returned quickly with a dress box. Dalton opened it, removing another box from inside it. He held the necklace up, and my heart plummeted at seeing the shining gold peacock with the glittering red stones. "This is the necklace that was intended for Miss Dalian to wear while she was debauched. Brass, with paste stones, but clearly an imitation of a well known piece." He set the necklace down outside of the box, pulling the dress out. It was a crimson silk, low cut and covered with beads that caught the light. "The dress, which she was to be offered up in."

The jury was leaning forward to see the items more clearly when Rhys let out a laugh. "A dress and a necklace? Your witness could have pulled those from any whore's room. How are we to know that it was intended for your client?"

"I can assure Your Honor, it was."

"But how can we tell?" Rhys approached the table, holding the dress out before him. "Miss Dalian should don the dress and present herself to the court in it, if it was intended for her it should fit." I tried not to glance over my shoulder at Mr. Reichster, instead focusing on the muttered curses I could hear from Will.

Rhett snorted. "Your Honor, the defense is clearly trying to cause my client undue suffering by forcing this on her. The testimony from our witness should suffice without Miss Dalian having to lower herself to what the defense is clearly trying to gain."

"Then what about the necklace?" Rhys lifted it up, letting the light flash across it. "Clearly it holds some significance to the man Miss Dalian was supposedly being kidnapped for. May I question her for a moment, Your Honor?"

Withers glanced to me, "A moment, and briefly. I do not want you asking her indelicate questions."

"Of course, Your Honor." Rhys approached the table, smiling. "Although it is so hard to see you under your veil, would you care to lift it?" I shook my head, and he sighed. "Well, I'm not sure if you'll be able to see this then, but do you recognize this necklace?"

I found myself entranced by the swaying finery. "Yes, I do. It appears to be a copy of a necklace I received from an unwanted suitor. I had it returned as soon as I saw it."

"Could you tell us who the suitor was?" Rhys dangled it closer to me. "For the edification of our jury."

Rhett came in so fast that Rhys stumbled back away from the table. "Objection! Your honor, the identity of this suitor has no impact on the current case unless it was Evan Perry and the defense is simply trying to cause my client distress by identifying an unrelated third party to the case."

Will had reached out to grasp my shoulder, leading Rhys to snidely remark. "Clearly your fiancé feels that suitor is present today. Please, Miss Dalian, educate the court on why exactly this man wanted you?"

"Your honor, the defense is clearly trying to blacken the victim's character."

"Did you already take him into your bed Miss Dalian? Was this simply a lover's quarrel gone awry?"

"It was attempted rape is what it was!" Will surged to his feet, almost leaning over the bar to get to Rhys. "You damn well know it!"

The sound of the gavel cut through the air. "Mr. Murdoch, you will sit down or I will hold you in contempt! Now, the defense will remove themselves from this line of questioning. Miss Dalian will be testifying later, there is no need to badger her at the moment." I turned, watching Will stiffly sit back down in his chair. As I turned back, I saw Mr. Reichster. He was sitting calmly, grinning as if he was watching an amusing play. He must have noticed me, for he inclined his head as if he were bowing to me from across a ballroom.

"Your Honor, this was clearly an attack by the defense for no reason beyond trying to sully my client's reputation." Dalton stepped forward. "I move for a recess for the day, Miss Dalian has clearly been affected and cannot be trusted to give an accurate account of her trials after this."

"Denied." Judge Wither barely glanced up from his papers. "She has been through far worse, as we all know. Miss Dalian will take the stand later today."

Dalton barely flinched. "Then at least bar the defense from questioning her on certain subjects. Her personal relationships, to start with."

"And why should I do that?"

"They clearly feel that they have no chance of proving that Mr. Perry did not conspire to kidnap Miss Dalian, so they have decided to smear her as much as they can. The evidence points to their client's guilt, they haven't disproved any of it."

Rhys stepped forward, his hands spread. "Your Honor, we have barely begun to argue our case."

Judge Withers looked down at the two of them. "The court will recess for one hour, and the defense will meet with me in my chambers to discuss how exactly the questioning of Miss Dalian should proceed." At the smack of his gavel, the gallery quickly became abuzz with conversation. Rhys and the rest of his cronies proceeded into the judge's chambers behind the bench, while Rhett and Dalton began to quietly confer amongst themselves.

I turned around to Will. "I didn't think they ask that."

"They clearly have no shame." Mother cut in, reaching over to put a hand on Will's arm. "Thank you for speaking up for her though, William."

Will looked to me. "I just wish I could do more." He gently gripped my forearms. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Will." I sighed, "I just want it to be done." A sudden increase in the conversation behind us caused me to look up, seeing Ezekiel leading a contingent into the gallery. I recognized some of the men, the porters that had been around the house. And leading the charge, his tongue lolling out, was Rigel. Upon seeing me he gave a loud bark, dragging Ezekiel behind him. I laughed as I knelt down, petting him through the bar. "Ezekiel, what in the world brought this about?"

"You needed some support." He smiled, leaning down to ruffle Rigel's ears. "I figured I would bring it."

"Speaking of support," Rhett had strode over behind me. "Mr. Murdoch, I recognize you want to defend Miss Dalian but your methods need to be refined." He gestured to the corner of the room. "If you would?" With one last glance to me, Will strode over with them. I found myself laughing a bit as I shook my head, not only at Will getting a lecture but at Ezekiel having to turn around to begin giving the porters some instruction on where to sit and what to do during the trial. Oscar had taken the leash, letting it danlge loosely in his hand.

I had just made my excuses to visit the bathroom when I heard a set of footsteps behind me. My feet seemed to freeze to the ground, a hand on my shoulder forcing me to turn around. Henry Reichster left his hand there as he spoke. "You know, Perry told me he had a surprise for me that night. I was quite pleased with what he had for me, she was fresh faced and talented, but knowing what I almost had, ah, such a disappointment. She pales beside you, and to think that Perry almost had you for me. God, you would have been ravishing in that." He ran his hand down my arm, ignoring how rigid I was. "What I wouldn't give to see under that veil right now, I can only imagine the purpose of it. Hiding your beauty? You know you should never be hidden, my dear." At that point he reached over to brush a curl of hair back over my shoulder even as I flinched away from his touch. "If Perry had presented you to me in that, God I would not have left the room." His fingers moved to the edge of my veil. "Let me have a peek at you, darling."

What happened next was a complete round of chaos. I was stumbling away from him when I heard Will give a shout, rushing over and hardly caring that Rhett and Dalton were calling for him to behave. But the one who reached me first was Rigel, wedging himself between Henry and I. His hackles were raised, a deep growl rumbling from his chest. Henry barely paid him any attention. "I'd control your mutt, my dear. I'd hate for him to have to be destroyed."

Oscar came up beside me with a laugh. "Mutt, that dog's got better bloodlines than you."

"I told you to stay away or I'd kill you." Will was on my other side, reaching out to tug me to him.

"You said that when you had a sword to my throat, I don't see a sword now." Henry smiled, his voice confident. I tried not to look around us, knowing that the room had practically frozen as the reporters tried to file every detail away for their article.

Will didn't pay them any mind. "I'm quite sure of my own hands.

Mr. Reichster reached past him, almost patting my cheek as I lunged backward. "Oh yes, I'm sure all these reporters would love to be the first one to write about how you were hauled away for beating a defenseless man."

"At this point, I don't care." Will shoved me behind him. "All I care about is seeing you join your whoremonger friend in prison after all this."

"So anxious to return to court?" Mr. Reichster took a step towards him, grinning as he saw Will herd me back. "I would think you'd never want to see another courtroom again after all you've done."

"I'd be glad to see you in one." Oscar growled, Rigel's leash now held firmly in his hand. "And I think her lawyers would be glad to hear about this conversation."

"Two friends simply catching up?"

Oscar laughed. "Oh, that is rich. As it is, I don't think I've seen a more clear cut case of witness intimidation."

"Nor have I." Rhett had sidled up behind all of us. "Mr. Reichster, I'd thank you to leave my client be."

"Of course, I want her to be completely prepared for her questioning." Mr. Reichster actually bowed, turning on his heel and heading back to the other side of the room.

I jumped as Dalton seemed to appear beside me as if from nowhere. "We're going to have to deal with that."

"Indeed, have a clerk run down for the file on the trespassing case. I'm quite sure Judge Withers will be interested in that."

Chapter Text

When the session resumed, I felt the nervousness clawing its way into my gut. The Links were on either side of me, but it gave me no peace. I remained standing after the judge entered, escorted to the witness stand by Rhett. I tried to focus myself on the bailiff swearing my in, doing my best to intone my oath as best I could. Then it was time for me to smooth my skirt as I sat down, looking through my veil at Rhett. He gave me a smile, "Miss Dalian, thank you for taking the stand today. It is not an easy thing to do. If I may ask, would you mind removing your veil?"

"No, I would not." I plucked the veil from below my chin, sweeping it back over the brim of my hat. A gasp echoed through the gallery as my bruised face was revealed, although all I was focused on was Will. He held my gaze as he swallowed, then nodded. I couldn't help but smile a bit, Mother had her hand gripped around his arm.

Rhett waited until the gasp had settled. "Thank you Miss Dalian, I take it you suffered that injury in the attack?"

"I did, when I was struck and fell."

"And you suffered a concussion from the fall, correct?"

"Yes, I was insensible for a time and it took awhile to be recover even a little from it."

The jury muttered slightly at that, and I heard pens scratching across paper. Rhett chuckled a bit. "Well I am certainly glad that you have recovered enough to be here today. Now, could you describe your initial meeting with Mr. Perry?"

"Yes, my fiancé and I were returning from Britain. We offered assistance to his wife, she was suffering from seasickness during a storm. She later cut me at a tea, having discerned who my fiancé was. The second time I saw Mr. Perry was at the engagement party of Zachary Reichster."

"And did you interact with him at all?"

"No, I did not. He had brought some of his," I smiled a bit. "Employees to the party and I did not want to involve myself with them."

"He did not seek you out?"

"No, but he did send someone to annoy a friend and I." I couldn't help the derision in my voice. "He implied that we were some of his 'girls' and that we were available for assignations. The man decided to proposition us. We set him straight." That set off a titter among the gallery, although I could see Perry muttering to Rhys.

Rhett was laughing under his breath. "And have you interacted with Mr. Perry since?"

"No, this has been my most recent interaction."

"So, you met the man once." Rhett began to pace in front of the stand. "His wife clearly has some kind of bone to pick with you, he set out to humiliate you at a party, it's not too far of a leap to think that he may have felt slighted in some way and decided to act out."

"Objection!" Rhys leapt up, "That's clearly speculation."

"Sustained." Judge Withers glanced down, "Keep yourself to the facts, Mr. Link."

"Of course," Rhett nodded his head, although he whipped it around quick when the door to the courtroom opened. A young clerk, clutching a file, rushed up to the bar and passed the file to Dalton. Rhett snorted, "Actually Your Honor, I will need a moment to consult with my brother." At the judge's nod he moved over to the table, discussing something with Dalton briefly before coming back. "I hate to bring this up Your Honor, but I am afraid that the prosecution will be filing an injunction against one of the attendees in the gallery today."

"What?" Rhys snorted. "Someone offend your delicate sensibilities?"

"Actually," Dalton picked up a piece of paper as he moved to the middle of the floor. "There was an attempt at witness tampering during the recess." A murmur erupted in the gallery, and I could see Mr. Reichster's eyes narrow. "We would like to file an injunction against Henry Reichster so that he can no longer approach Miss Dalian."

"Only for the length of the trial?" The judge asked, taking the proffered paper.

"Permanently sir, he apparently has harassed her several times in the past." Dalton picked up the file from his table, bringing it up. "I have here the report from the New York Police Department on trespassing charges filed against Mr. Reichster for intruding in Miss Dalian's residence. You will note that he did pay the fine, so he did admit to it."

Judge Withers leaned over to me. "Miss Dalian, I want it in your own words why this injunction should be issued."

"Mr. Reichster is a good friend of Mr. Perry and as we were recessed, he threatened me if I should see his friend sentenced for what he did. He has harassed me in my home and in public multiple times, despite my, and my fiancé's, request that he leave me alone. Your Honor, I simply want to be able to leave my house without him breathing down my neck." I felt it all rush out of me, a desperate plea. The Links had said they were going to try something, but I had just thought it was to get him thrown out for today. But to never have him bothering me again, to know that he could go to prison for breaking it, oh it was a wonderful dream.

But still, it was a dream. There was plenty standing between the idea and the reality of it, which mean I was on tenterhooks as the judge looked out into the gallery. "Mr. Reichster, please approach the bar."

The crowd shuffled in their seats as he rose and walked up. "Your Honor, I can assure you that I have only offered my sympathies to Miss Dalian for what she went through."

"He's lying." I muttered on the stand. "He always lies."

I didn't expect the judge to look down at me. "You have a point, Miss Dalian. Please bailiff, swear him in." The judge waited until after the oath had been administered to speak again. "Miss Dalian says you are lying, sir, and we have the report about your trespass last year. I must admit that does not make you appear to be as you claim."

Henry snorted. "She's obviously hysterical Your Honor, and I suggest that she be committed for her own safety." I saw him smirk as Will attempted to surge to his feet, only to be held down by Oscar and Mother. Henry spread his hands as he continued. "She maligned not only myself but my son for merely offering her comfort after the tragedy that befell her last year. What woman in her right mind refuses the mere sympathies of her late father's friend?"

Dalton stood. "Your honor, the man is standing behind the defense, currently being prosecuted for attempting to kidnap my client! This is a clear attempt to tamper with my witness and prevent her from ensuring his conviction!"

The judge held up his hand, silencing the room. "Seeing the evidence of his previous behavior, as well as the reactions of those present, I shall grant the injunction. Mr. Reichster shall remove himself from the gallery, and in the future shall not engage in any contact whatsoever with Miss Dalian. This shall carry over into her marriage, so do not think it will become invalid once she is Mrs. Murdoch."

I couldn't help the wide smile on my face as Henry's own grin fell. "Your Honor, please, I can assure you that she is lying."

"You say she's lying and she's hysterical, and yet she was calmly answering questions until you came forward." Judge Withers raised an eyebrow. "I would suggest you remove yourself from my court before I have you removed." I watched as he stiffly drew himself up, a look of studied composure coming over his face as he stiffly turned and strode from the courtroom. The judge didn't even bother trying to rein in the conversation that erupted among the reporters, simply letting it die out on its own. I couldn't help but smile at Will, his fingers buried in Rigel's hair and his face looking far more relaxed than it had for weeks. Even his shoulders had relaxed, his hands ruffling Rigel's ears. After a long moment, the judge gaveled the court back in. "Please continue with your questioning, Mr. Link."

Rhett's voice was far too light. "Of course, Miss Dalian it was noted earlier that it was unusual for you to own such a large dog, and for him to have clearly been trained as a guard dog. Could you explain that for us?"

"I was given him as a gift, specifically because of Mr. Reichster's harassment." I sniffed, trying to hide my glee. "His training was to ensure that I was protected in case he came after me again."

"The person who gave him to you had quite the forethought, then." Rhett looked over to Dalton. "Miss Dalian, do you have anything further you would like to say to the court before you are turned over to the defense for questioning?"

"Only that what has been presented by you two is the truth. I was attacked by men hired by someone I had only met twice, and who seems to feel that I have slighted him in some way. I have done nothing to deserve this, and I hope that has come across."

Rhett thanked me, sat behind his desk, and waited as Rhys got to his feet. I couldn't help but shift in my seat as he approached the stand slowly, smiling. "Well, I hope y questioning won't have quite the theatrics as the prosecution's."

"That depends on you, Mr. Dyer." I replied, doing my best to remember what the Links had told me to do. Don't appear spineless but don't become aggressive. Keep yourself calm. "I am quite prepared to be cooperative."

"Hmm, I certainly hope so." He cocked his head as he looked at me. "What is your relationship with Henry Reichster?"

"He was a friend of my father's, and has been harassing me to sell him my company since my father's passing."

"Ah yes, the unfortunate passing of your father." Rhys tapped his finger against his lips. "Miss Dalian, you were on the Titanic, yes?"

"Objection, Your Honor, how is this relevant to the current case?" Dalton slammed his hand against the table as he stood up, "Those tragic circumstances have no bearing on the attack that she suffered!"

"I will get to it shortly." Rhys looked to the jury, "I assure you, it is quite relevant to the matter before the court today."

Judge Withers considered this for a moment. "Sustained, so long as this line of questioning is finished in a timely manner."

"Thank you, Your Honor. Miss Dalian, answer the question."

I took in a deep breath, trying to control the coil of nerves in my gut. "Yes, I was onboard the Titanic."

"And your boarding party consisted of?"

"Myself, my mother and my father." I felt my eyes begin to sting, and I stopped myself from pressing my fingers to my eyes. I couldn't show them my tears, they didn't deserve to see them.

Rhys didn't seem to notice my distress. "And you met Mr. Murdoch while onboard. He was an officer, correct?"

"Yes, the first officer."

"And he was on watch when the ship struck the iceberg."

"Yes, but-"

I was cut off from defending Will by Rhys whirling on me. "And your father died in the sinking."

"Yes-"

"So it could be said that your fiancé killed your father?"

"No, he-" I could feel my breathing beginning to speed up, and I looked out into the gallery. All the color had drained from Mother's face, and Ezekiel was very clearly prepared to grab Will's shoulder to hold him down. But it was Will that made my heart twist, the look of agony on his face that he tried to hide behind the mask he'd been wearing.

"Or is at least responsible for his death, and you are still planning to marry him."

"I am, but you-"

"And how can we expect a woman marrying her father's killer to have any morals whatsoever? Miss Dalian, are you still a virgin?"

I stood at that, my hands balled by my sides. "I hardly see what that has to do with anything!"

"A woman, of no morals known to decent society, marrying her father's murderer, cannot be expected to keep up any morals at all! Admit it, you've taken men into your bed! You planned this out to ruin my client!" Rhys was ignoring the judge screaming at him, the uproar in the gallery that had erupted after his last question.

"No, I-" My voice sounded weak and far away, and the lawyers hardly seemed to notice me they were so occupied with yelling at each other.

Rhett had charged up before the bench, almost swearing. "That is totally uncalled for! I move that question be stricken from the record and the witness released from the stand!"

"I-" My breath could barely fill my lungs, and I looked out. Ezekiel was now holding Will down in his chair, despite the very clear desire in him to rush over to me. Even Rigel was on his feet, although he was leaning against Mother who had buried her face in a handkerchief. Only Oscar remained calm, looking at me and mouthing a word over and over. Faint. Faint, who was feeling faint? Mother? I glanced to her, but I saw him shake his head, a finger pointing to me. Oh, I should faint.

I stood, trying to get Rhett's attention. "Mr. Link, I, I-" Truth be told it took very little to collapse, I was already feeling lightheaded after everything and closing my eyes felt rather nice. At least the shouting was muffled by the wood of the stand, and I tried to arrange myself in the best way to attract sympathy.

"Miss Dalian!" I heard Rhett call out, but the next sound he made was a startled gasp.

I felt hands on my shoulder, "Ana, Ana what happened?"

"Smelling salts!" Judge Withers was yelling now. "Someone bring some smelling salts!"

A foul smelling vial was thrust beneath my nose, and I opened my eyes to see Dalton waving them in front of me. His voice was barely a whisper. "Well done, Miss Dalian. When you stand, faint again. Mr. Murdoch, carry her out. We'll move for the court to recess for today, make sure the cameras get a shot of you two outside. Don't put her down until you're in the car."

I whimpered as Will helped me to my feet, "Thank you everyone, I'm sorry the events just caught up to me."

"Do you feel comfortable continuing, Miss Dalian?" Judge Withers was leaning down from his bench, glaring at Rhys.

My knees were trembling, "Oh, I think-" I swooned into Will's arms, but he didn't even set me down. Instead he swept me up into his arms, clutching me tight to him. I kept my eyes closed as Dalton moved for, and received, a recess for the rest of the day. It wound up taking quite a bit of concentration for me to be limp in Will's arms as he strode from the court, followed by the rest.

I could hear the pop of camera bulbs as we emerged into the sun, but Will kept his quiet. Instead it was Oscar and Ezekiel shoving questions away, shaming reporters for trying to get questions answered by an obviously distressed woman. I thought they meant me for a moment, until one of them called out. "Mrs. Dalian, your thoughts on Dyers accusations about your daughter's virtue? Or the removal of Mr. Reichster?"

"Shut your damn mouth!" Oscar growled, and if I barely opened my eyes I could see him shove the man away from the car. He held the door open as Will stepped inside, and none of us spoke for a moment as the car started up and began driving away. Oscar blew out a breath, "Thank God, I don't know how long I could have lasted with Rhys going off like that."

"What a horrible, horrible man." Mother sniffed, "And I mean both of them."

Ezekiel chuckled. "Thank God we've got some way to keep Mr. Reichster away from Annie, until you let me kill him." He laughed at the look on my face, "I'm joking, although we should celebrate tonight. The little victories are still victories, after all."

"I think that sounds nice." Will shook his head, "Nothing too fancy though."

"Of course not, although perhaps Morgan would care to join us." Mother smiled, "I'll give her a call when we get home, and invite her over." It was nice to get home, to have Louise fuss over me as she prepared me for the small party. I could almost hear Morgan the second she arrived, loudly calling for Mother to come down and join her. By the time I came down in a pale blue chiffon, clutching Will's dove gray clad arm, the two of them were happily gossiping over glasses of wine. "I swear Morgan, your son strode in bold as brass with half the dock workers!"

"Well, that boy of mine never does anything by half." Morgan giggled, "And bringing in the dog, oh what I would have given to see it!"

"It was rather enjoyable." Will smiled as he leaned down to embrace Morgan briefly. "Especially given that he handed him over to Oscar, and that he conveniently let him loose to menace Reichster."

She rose to embrace me in turn. "You should have let the dog bite him."

"And let the poor dear poison himself?" Mother shook her head, smiling at Oscar and Ezekiel coming down the stairs. "No, it's better that he didn't. Now, on to dinner?" We all agreed, heading to the dining room. The table had been set with roast chicken, salad, fresh flowers and enough wine to drown a full grown man.

We may have all overindulged in the wine, and perhaps a bit of whiskey after. I was curled up against Will's side on the parlor settee while Morgan and Mother were sipping sherry in the chairs. Oscar and Ezekiel had pulled out the phonograph and were sorting through the records. A mischievous grin spread across my face. "Zeke, how have your dancing lessons been going? At least, I hope you've been going to them given that I've been paying for them."

He was facing away from me, but I was sure that he was blushing. "It's been fine Annie, and I have been going."

"Perhaps you should give us a demonstration then," Will sipped on his whiskey. "After all, I want to make sure Ana is getting her money's worth."

He whipped his head around at that. "Then she'd better get on her feet, because there's no damn way I'm doing this unless she does."

I had just moved to get up when Oscar dangled a record in front of Ezekiel's face. "Let me take her place, she's had a hard day. William, would you mind winding this up?" Will gladly made his way to the phonograph and began to wind it up. Oscar stepped up to Ezekiel's assuming the lady's position for a waltz. "She still needs her rest, and I don't mind following." I couldn't even hear what Ezekiel muttered, but I had a feeling it wasn't pleasant.

The waltz began rather stiffly, although Oscar offered a bit of encouragement and they began to move more smoothly. Ezekiel really had improved since he'd been attending the lesson, although I couldn't help myself from speaking up. "Hmm, I suppose you've gotten better. But Oscar isn't wearing a dress with a train, how can I be sure you won't rip mine? I want to keep my wedding gown in one piece, you know."

"That damn dress already comes in multiple pieces." Ezekiel grumbled as he reversed Oscar around a chair.

"Perhaps we should get Ezekiel one of your gowns so he can see what it's like for his partner." Will chuckled, setting off a muffled round of laughter from Mother and Morgan. "I'm sure you've got one that will fit him." I heard another set of laughter, and looked to see Peggy in the corner. She had clearly come in with more ice for our drinks, and was currently pressing her hand tight across her face.

Oscar grinned as the music wound down to nothing. "That was well done, Mr. Fields. Although, maybe don't hold onto your partner's waist as tightly as you did mine. Ladies get a little sensitive about that."

Ezekiel dropped his hands from Oscar like he was a red hot stove, striding over to the bottle of whiskey. "That's enough out of you, Vanderbilt. And you, Murdoch! I swear, you sons of-" He cut himself off as Morgan gave a very deliberate cough, her eyebrow raised. "Sons of well meaning women of upstanding moral character."

Mother snorted, "Such a wonderful sentiment, Ezekiel. Perhaps you could speak a bit more about their parents? After all, William's parents will be joining us for the wedding. When are they getting in, dear?"

"Early May," I smiled, "You'll love Jeanie, Mother. She's very sweet, although we may want to see if we could get a doctor to see her while she's here. She's suffering from some kind of pains."

"She always has." Will shook his head, "I'm sure she would appreciate it though."

"I can arrange that, and isn't your friend coming with them William? Mr. Lightoller?" Mother cocked her head. "Should I have all of them join me at Fifth Avenue?" Will coughed, his whiskey barely staying down.

"Perhaps my parents." He said after he had recovered himself. "I should hate to have to curse you with Charles for several weeks."

"And yet you have no qualms about him staying here." Morgan mused, her voice light.

I reached down to pet Rigel, smiling. "Charles Lightoller is always welcome in my house, as is his wife."

Chapter Text

Nightmares can come at you at any time, even after a wonderful day. Once your eyes close, every harsh word, every mean spirited comment, it will come and circle around your mind. No matter what words of praise you've been given, they fade to nothing in the dark. I knew that I was in a nightmare when I found myself staring at Evan Perry behind his desk, smiling and leaning back in his chair. I knew it was not real, that it was merely my mind conjuring up what could have happened. I knew that I was asleep in my own bed, with Will by my side, and that I would wake up there. I dug my fingers into my palm, willing myself to wake up.

But there was nothing I could do.

Perry hardly seemed to notice, it seemed he could hardly contain his glee. "You are to be polite, acquiescing, gentle and refined. You are to allow our friend anything he desires, you are not to balk or scream or cry. For every time you do, that will be another day I will keep you here. And you would not be my honored guest then, you would have to earn your keep. Unless you truly displease him, in which case I may just have my men throw you on your doorstep, after letting every patron have their go at you. They can get quite vicious when offered something for free." His hand was tight as he reached across, gripped my chin and forced my gaze up. "So don't displease him, darling, for you will not enjoy anything that comes after if you do."

He chuckled. "You know, I once told Henry that I thought you could earn me a thousand a night." He pinched my cheeks, smiling widely. "If you don't do as your told, we'll see if I'm right." He gave my cheek a pat. "And remember, Miss Dalian, if you displease me or my guest, I'll send my men to your house. It would be a shame for your servants, and that damn dog, to suffer because of you."

It took everything I had to look him in the eye. "I understand, Mr. Perry. I will do my best."

"Good," He rose, moving to a door behind his desk and opening it. A girl stepped in, dressed in her underclothes and looking to him. He gestured to me. "Get her washed and dressed, and do something with her hair."

"Of course, sir." She nodded, then looked to me. "If you will follow me?" Fortunately she didn't lead me through the front, I had seen enough of the debauchery that was awaiting me when I had been brought in. Instead we took a servant's staircase, winding around the back of the place until we emerged into a well appointed room. It was large, with windows looking out over the lights of Coney Island. It was a far cry from what I assumed the rest of the place looked like, with dark cherry wood floors, red silk on the walls and finely carved furniture. The main focus, though, was the bed. It was massive, with ruby silk hangings and blankets.

Every bit of red only made me surer about who I was being cleaned up for.

"There's a bathtub in here," The girl moved to a bathroom attached to the main room. "I'll help you wash." Unlike Louise, who commonly kept up a stream of conversation as she helped me change, this girl was quiet as she stripped me and put my clothes aside. The water smelled cloyingly of roses, and was hot enough to make my skin flush. I had just closed my eyes when she came back, grabbing a cloth and rubbing it against my back. "I know you're not here by choice, Miss, but it really won't be so bad."

I snorted. "How can you say that? Were you kidnapped and brought to please some awful man?"

"No, I came here on my own." She sighed, "The first time is always the worst, but they're usually quick. Just make a lot of noise, writhe around and breathe loudly, they usually feel quite pleased with themselves if you do that."

"So comforting." I groused as I dunked my head under the water. I briefly considered staying under, letting myself drown, but I knew the girl wouldn't let me. I brushed the water from my eyes when I came back up. "What's your name anyway?"

"Wendy." She handed me a bar of soap. "Please, wash everywhere. Even if you don't think you need to." She at least looked away as I scrubbed every inch of skin with the soap, and helped me into a towel when I got out. She didn't talk much as she rubbed rose scented oil into my skin, and combed it through my hair before rubbing it dry with a number of towels. The dressing gown I was given was so flimsy it was almost unworthy of the name. I could see my skin through it as she dressed my hair in front of a vanity. "Your hair is a lovely color, Miss. You'll be quite fetching in the gown Mr. Perry arranged for you to have tonight."

"Wonderful." I could barely watch as she expertly twisted and teased my hair into the latest swept up style. Then it was into the dress, a tight cut red silk that clung to every curve. When I mentioned that I needed to put on my drawers, Wendy shook her head. They wouldn't be needed tonight she said, and them my corset was pulled tight. It was a marvel that the dress got buttoned at all, and Wendy had me sit again as she placed several curled ostrich plumes in my hair. She practically attacked me with creams and powders, rouges and mascara, and by the time she was finished I could barely recognize myself.

When she clasped the golden peacock around my throat it felt like an iron collar being locked around me.

The gold bracelets with their red stones may as well have been shackles.

"Mr. Perry wants me to stay until he comes up." Wendy said, sitting on the bed. "In case you try to do anything."

I sighed, closing my eyes. "I'm not."

"It shouldn't be too long."

"Then perhaps it will be over with quickly." I looked at her through the mirror. "Should I just lift my skirts as soon as they come in then?"

"Mr. Perry wouldn't like that, he'll want you to charm his guest, drink and laugh with him." Wendy crossed her legs, swinging them back and forth. "Make them feel smart, like he's the greatest man you've ever met. At least them they're usually not too harsh when you have to bed them."

"You're just full of advice."

"I've had a lot of practice, Miss." She looked to the door, footsteps stopping. "I'm headed down, you should greet them." She disappeared back down the servant's stairway, leaving me alone. I drew myself up, I could do this. I just had to get through this, and then I could go home.

The door opened silently, and I could hear Mr. Perry. "And just you wait, Henry, I've got you the best gift you're going to get this year."

"So long as she's pretty." The chuckle that Mr. Reichster gave sent shivers down my spine.

"Beautiful, and new. Come on out, my dear."

My hands were shaking, I couldn't stop them. I clasped them together, stepping out of the bathroom. "Hello, Henry."

He looked as if he'd been struck in the face. "Anastasia?"

Mr. Perry raised his eyebrows as he looked to me. I smiled, stepping forward to Henry. "Yes, I wanted to make sure you have the happiest of birthdays." I steeled myself to kiss him, to flick my tongue against his lips. "Mr. Perry was kind enough to assist me with it."

"Evan, my God." Henry quickly crushed me to him, his arms tight around my waist as he swept his tongue into my mouth. I tried to sigh into it, to press myself against every inch of him. My head was swimming by the time he pulled away, looking to the other man. "This is quite the gift."

"She's your's for as long as you want." He stepped back from the door, clearing the way to allow a number of staff to come in and begin to set the table. Plate after plate of food was brought, ice buckets with bottles of champagne, and fine linens to spread over the table. Mr. Perry sat, "Anastasia, wouldn't you like to serve us?"

"I'd like nothing more." I murmured, bowing my head and beginning to serve the seated pair. They hardly paid any attention to me as they ate, although Henry did slide his arm around my waist and pull me down into his lap. He still focused on Mr. Perry though, only occasionally giving me a squeeze or a pinch. I stayed quiet as they finished, not even wanting any of the delicious food that they had left behind.

Mr. Perry adjusted his lapels as he stood, "Care for a few rounds of cards downstairs while this is cleaned up?"

"Sounds pleasant." Henry grunted as he stood, dislodging me briefly before recapturing my waist. I kept a smile plastered on my face as we moved downstairs, listening to the screams of laughter that echoed upward. It was better than listening to the moans that were coming from the rooms we passed. The gambling den downstairs was brightly lit, and every man had at least one woman hanging off of him as he placed his bets. Some even had two, and one of them seemed to enjoy making the two ladies kiss each other as he watched. I must have been staring, for Mr. Reichster tugged at me. "Interested in one of them?"

"No, only you." I simpered, the lie falling sweetly from my lips.

"And if I were to bet a round with you on a roll of the dice?"

My heart leapt, and I forced it back down. "If it would please you, then I would be glad."

"Heh," He snorted as he sat at a table, watching as the dealer dealt out the hands for blackjack. "Perry must have done a number on you."

"Not at all." I draped my arms around him as I stood behind his chair. "As I said, I only want you to get everything you desire tonight. I only want to please you, in every way." He shook his head at that, but began paying more attention to his hand. He had lost quite a bit by the time he stood, a whiskey in his hand as he moved us to another room. A woman was up on a table, singing quite loudly about how she had left her husband because he was lacking in something. The song listed everything he had; a massive house, a fortune in the bank, fine jewels and gowns for her, until reaching the end where she belted out about how her husband lacked the size to please her.

Henry roared with laughter at the end, claiming a table and pulling me into his lap as she began another song. I tried to focus on the words of her bawdy songs, not the way that Henry seemed to take every chance to slip his hand down my bodice. I shivered when he began to knead my thigh, although I did my best to make it appear as if I found it pleasing. After a few songs he leaned close to whisper to me, "Let's head on upstairs, my dear sweet Anastasia. I want to taste you." I nodded, standing and hoping that my knees wouldn't give out as we began to climb.

I could practically feel Henry on the stairs behind me, following me into the room. The food from before had been cleared away, replaced with a cut crystal bottle of bourbon, a silver ice bowl and tongs, and two glasses. An open humidor displayed a number of fine cigars, matches nearby. He closed the door behind him, the lock thudding home. "Pour two glasses, ice in mine." He groaned as he sat down in a chair, "And a cigar, bring the matches." I tried not to let the tongs clink against the glass, a difficult task considering the way my hands were shaking. He'd had wine and song tonight, it was obvious what would come next.

The woman.

Me.

"Of course, Henry." I replied, pasting a smile on my face as I turned around with what he had requested. He gazed at me as he took the glass, giving it a sip before setting it aside and taking the cigar. He waited for a moment with it in his mouth, and I took the cue to strike a match and let it flame against the end. He puffed on it as I shook the match out, tossing it in a wastebasket. I turned, looking for another chair before I heard him snort. He patted his knees, and I sat across them. I took a solid drink, curling my arm around his neck and giving him a nice view down the front of the dress. "Have I pleased you tonight?"

His breath emerged in a chuckle. "You can stop with the act now, I know you're not here by choice." He pulled the necklace roughly from me, throwing it across the room. "It's Perry's way, to cover everything in paint and paste." At that he threw his handkerchief at me, "Wipe all of that off." His hands grabbed the back of my dress as I mopped my face, tearing it between them and sending the buttons scattering across the floor. I let the handkerchief, stained red and white, follow them. The sleeves were roughly shoved down my shoulders, and his hand under my rear made me stand as he pulled the rest of the red silk off. I tried not to tremble as he removed everything else, leaving me standing in nothing but my hair and a fake smile. He collapsed back into his chair, grinning as he took a drag of the cigar. "Perry doesn't realize that the last thing a true lady, like you, should be is covered up." His fingers slipped around my waist, pulling me back to his lap. One hand toyed with a breast as he looked at me. "What has he threatened you with, if you displease me?"

I closed my eyes, only opening them when he pinched my nipple. "That he would either whore me out or give me freely to every patron. One day for each infraction."

"I'd believe it." He tapped the cigar ash into a tray. "He offered me one of his girls that had stood up to him once. Free, of course, although I did not partake. He'd tied her legs open, one to each bedpost, and her arms above her head. She hardly saw me when he brought me in." I felt my heart drop, and he set the cigar down to fully grab my waist and tug me flush to him. "I'd hate to see you like that."

"I only want to please you." I muttered, resisting the urge to pull my hair forward to cover myself.

His hands began to move my hips against him. "What you should take from that story, Anastasia, is that I won't fuck a piece of unresponsive flesh." He groaned, his head falling back. I kept at it, my hands on his shoulders as I writhed against him. His eyes were almost slits as he looked at me. "I'm not stupid enough to think you're willingly doing this. But you will be responsive, when I fuck you. You will move with me." He surged up out of the chair, and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist as he walked us towards the bed. He dropped me onto it, "You will happily remove my clothing, eagerly welcome me into you, and cry out my name the entire night." My fingers were already tugging his shirt open, dropping to his trousers next. I felt his fingers tangle in my hair then, pulling my head back to look up at him. "Please me and I will see that Perry lets you go. But this will not be the end of it. Marry that sailor if you still want, if he'll still have you, but at least once every few weeks you will be back here." I tried to keep my mind blank as I pulled his trousers down, scrambling back onto the pillows as he kicked them off and followed me. He didn't even reach down to touch me before roughly shoving my legs apart and thrusting himself home. I bit back a cry at the pain as he dropped his mouth down by my ear. "Because you are mine, now, move girl. Don't displease me."

I tried, I truly did.

I clasped his shoulders, I surged my hips against his. I kept my eyes open so he wouldn't think that I was trying to replace him with Will in my mind's eye. I cried out his name, doing my best to make myself come, squeezing tightly around him. He was ruthless, and I allowed him to be. Allowed him to twist my legs and my body however he wanted, whatever way he desired. When he finally collapsed onto me, the sweat on our bodies sticking together, he traced his finger over my cheek. "You pleased me, very much."

"I'm so glad." I muttered, wishing he could get off of me.

"I'll tell Perry to see you home." He seemed to settle further onto me. "Although I will allow him a time with you." He must have felt me stiffen under him, for he pulled back. "You want to please me, right? It would please me to share you with him, to thank him for a lovely gift."

"Of course," I felt tears in my eyes. "You are such a kind man."

I woke up screaming.

Will woke with a start, his arm around my waist. "Ana, bloody hell!" I couldn't even speak, and I actually cringed away from his touch. It felt like I couldn't breathe, as if steel bands were around my chest and tightening with every breath. I felt Will shift, "What is it?" But I couldn't speak, could only sob with relief that it had only been a dream as much as fear that my fate was almost that.

When Will touched my shoulder, I flinched. "Shhhh, it's alright love." I tried to focus on his voice as he continued to soothe me, not touching me after my reaction to him. "It was just a dream. I know, they're getting bad again. It's that way for me too." He sighed, "I don't think we'll every be free of them, free of that night." When he reached for me this time I didn't pull away. "But we'll see our way through them together?" He ran his hand up and down my arm, and I rolled toward him. I couldn't answer as I buried my head in his chest, trying to comfort myself with his smell, his touch, his very presence. "Of course we will, just forget it all. It was nothing but a dream." I didn't have to heart to tell him I hadn't been dreaming of the sinking, that what had been crawling through my mind was all my worst fears stirred up by the trial.

"Will, please." I muttered, my voice hoarse from crying. "I don't want to wait anymore."

His arms tightened. "Wait for what?"

"Sex." I shifted up to look him in the face. "I want you to take me, now. Tonight."

"Ana, don't be ridiculous. It's so close to the wedding."

"Which means that even if you get me pregnant I won't show." He had laid back on the bed, and I quickly straddled him. "Or we can use the French Letter. But God, Will, I just want it to be done. I'm so tired of everyone saying that I don't have any morals, that I'm fucking every man I meet." I laid across his chest, kissing him briefly. "The only man I want to fuck is you."

He groaned as I began to unbutton his pajamas. "Ana, you don't know what you're doing."

"I do Will, and I want this." I shifted as I felt him begin to press against me. "And it seems like you do too."

"You don't know how much I want you." He actually pulled his pajama shirt off himself. "I've wanted you as long as I've known you. But why now? It's only a couple more months."

"Then why wait?" I tugged at my nightgown, freeing my arms and letting it drop to my waist. "Why wait for another one of Reichster's friends to try something? Why wait for another shipwreck? Why don't we just get it over with?"

Will ran his hands up my waist, brushing his thumbs over my nipples. "Ana, God. I can't-"

"And I can't wait any longer." I leaned over him. "Do you want me to get the French Letter?"

He collapsed back against the pillows, his eyes dark. His lips quivered for a moment, "Go get-" Will cut himself off as my bedroom door suddenly burst open, the lights blaring to life and blinding the both of us for a moment.

"Miss Anastasia, my God!" I heard Peggy screech, "Cover yourself! Mr. Murdoch, how could you?"

"Peggy," I struggled back into my nightgown. "It's not what it looks like."

"I know exactly what it is!" She surged into the room, her dressing gown barely covering her nightgown and her bare feet slapping on the floor. "And here I came because I heard you'd been crying and screaming, and to see him ready to oh," She actually stamped her foot at that. "I will not have it! Not for another night! Mr. Murdoch, back to your room. Now!"

"Peggy." I got up from the bed, moving to her. "It wasn't Will who pushed for this, it was me."

"I don't care!" She grabbed my shoulders, turning me away from Will who was still getting his pajamas back on. "I knew you two were doing things, kissing and the like, but I never thought to hear the two of you giving such serious thought to-" She shook her head. "And with the wedding so soon, I shall have to treat you like two schoolchildren until then."

"Why?" I turned back to Will, currently pulling on his robe and slippers. "Why can't I bed him Peggy? I want to, I should be allowed to!" I had just moved to him when her words cut across the distance.

"Do you want me to get your mother?" Peggy's voice was ice. "So you can tell her all of this?" I clamped my mouth shut, giving her a moment to turn to Will. "Go to your room, I will deal with you in turn."

"Peggy, really-"

"Go now Mr. Murdoch before I make you have to find a hotel room." Peggy didn't see the pained look that Will sent me as he walked out, she was too focused on glaring at me. "I heard you two, and I'm not a fool Miss. Wherever did you get a French Letter?"

I sat on the bed, whatever courage I had gone. "Will got it as a joke, we never intended to use it." I couldn't even look her in the eye. "Not until tonight." I felt a lump in my throat. "I just wanted to, and after everything," I could feel the sob come out, "Peggy, you don't know how hard it's been."

"Oh, I don't?" She was standing over me, "You're practically a daughter to me, Miss. You think it doesn't hurt to hear the things that people say? To read the papers every day and see the lies about you?" I was crying by now, and I felt the bed sink as she sat next to me. "But I knew you were better than what they said, and then to see you almost proving them true." She pulled me to her, rocking me like I was a child. "You've broken my heart, Anastasia."

I blubbered against her breast. "I'm sorry, Peggy. I just, I just wanted to forget it all."

"Losing yourself in lust isn't the way to do it. You and Mr. Murdoch will keep to separate rooms until the wedding, I'll speak to him after."

"Don't be too hard on him," I rubbed at my nose. "It was all me."

"He should be man enough to own up to his mistakes, and he will have to deal with me. Now, am I going to have to lock your door?"

"No, no. I'll stay." I shook my head as she got up. "I don't want to displease you, or Mother. That's the last thing I want."

Chapter Text

The next morning was unpleasant to say the least. When Louise pulled back my bed curtains and tried to urge me to get up, I simply could not. I turned my back to her, and asked her to leave me. She did try to coerce me, mentioning all the fine things that had been prepared for breakfast and how the trial was sure to be very entertaining after yesterday's events. I buried my face in my pillow. "I'm not hungry Louise, can you please just let me be?"

"But Miss Dalian, the court. Everyone will be waiting"

"Damn the court and everyone there." I lifted my head, glaring. "I don't want to order you Louise, but I will."

She hesitated a moment before bobbing a curtsey. "Yes, Miss Dalian." The door closed behind her with a satisfying noise, and I pulled the curtains around me again. The last thing I wanted was to face anyone after last night. God, how could I have been so stupid? Peggy was right, I should have been stronger. I should have been better. I should have kept myself to the highest standards, hell I never should have let Will into my bed.

I shut my eyes, hoping to sleep the day away. The night before had not been restful, I'd spent most of it crying out of shame into my blankets. Rigel had wandered over to Will's rooms, which meant I had been truly alone. I was considering going to get Rigel when my curtains opened again, Peggy peering in. "Miss Anastasia, you need to come down to breakfast. Your mother is getting concerned."

"I'm not hungry." I repeated, trying the same tactic I had used on Louise. "I just want to sleep."

"Don't let what happened last night affect you today." Peggy shifted one of the curtains to the side, allowing her to sit on the bed and reach out for my shoulder. "It is simply something that needed to be fixed. And it has been. Now, come along. I saw an entire plate of waffles waiting for you.""

"I don't want waffles." I pulled away from her hand. "Could you just bring Rigel in? I'm not feeling well."

She sniffed. "Miss Anastasia, if this is you throwing a snit it's not going to work. Mr. Murdoch has sworn to stay to his own bed until your wedding night, and you know I won't let it through on this point."

"It's not a snit." I closed my eyes, pressing my head farther into the pillow. "I really don't feel well. I think it was the fainting yesterday. Could you please just get Rigel? Please, Peggy?" She sighed, rising and closing the curtains again. I tried to calm myself, but a few tears dotted my pillowcase. I didn't deserve waffles and bacon, I barely deserved Rigel. I deserved to sit here, in the dark, and think about how horrible I had acted.

The next time the door opened, the first thing I heard was claws clicking on the floor. It was followed by two pairs of footsteps, but Rigel reached me first. He shoved his nose through the hanging, pushed his way in and up onto the bed, and then set to licking me. I snorted a bit, pulling him closer and wrapping my arms around him. The curtains were pulled completely aside, revealing Mother and Will looking down at me. Mother leaned over, "Anastasia, we need to get going or we're going to be late."

I couldn't even look at her, "I don't think I will be going today. I feel horrible."

"Don't let that Dyer get to you." Mother sat down on the bed, even reaching over to scratch Rigel. "You know everything he said was a lie."

I saw Will flinch at that, and I felt a twist in my stomach. "I know Mother, but really, I don't think I could get out of bed today."

"Hmm," She reached out, placing her hands on either side of my face. "You are rather pale, I suppose we could stay home and send word to them. Will you at least eat something?"

"I'm not hungry." I dropped my gaze. "Just tired."

"Do you think your monthly is coming on? That could be causing it."

"No, it's not that."

Her brow knitted. "Would you like William to stay and read to you until you fall asleep?"

"I should be going to the court, it would be better for the message to come to me." Will shifted on his feet. "The Links would probably like to see that in the papers."

"I'm sure they would." I tried to give him a smile, but it just wouldn't come. "Be careful?"

"Always." He nodded to me, stepping out. I wound my arms tighter around Rigel, burying my face in his hair. I tried to focus on him, on his smell and the way I could feel him twist to try and get and my face and lick me. Mother began to draw her fingers through my hair, untangling it and smoothing it out.

Her voice was soft. "Did you two quarrel? You seemed so happy last night."

"It was stupid." I pressed my face to Rigel's shoulder. "I was stupid. And what happened in court yesterday isn't helping."

Mother shooed Rigel, pulling me to her shoulder. "Your father and I fought, you know. There were times he had to sleep down at the offices, but we still loved each other. William still loves you, even if you two fought."

"I know." I heard a couple of their fights. "But I still feel horrible after what I did."

"Have you apologized to him?"

"I haven't had the chance to."

"When he gets back from court, I'll send him up. The longer you let it go on, the worse it will be." She gave me a squeeze though, "Oscar set off to go get Liz, he thinks you need a friend right now. And Ezekiel went to get someone for you too. Or perhaps it's for Liz."

"I take it James is in town?"

"Exactly." She brushed her hand up and down my arm. "Should we try and set up something romantic for those two? Perhaps some chocolate?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "It might upset them."

"Chocolate has never upset anyone in history." Mother snorted, "And in fact, you are going to get up, go downstairs, and sample some so we can make sure to put out the best for them." She actually pulled me up out of bed, wrapping my dressing gown around me and herding me down to the kitchen. A wide selection of chocolates had been set out, dark and light, some filled with liquors that seemed to melt on the tongue. She looked down at all of them as we came in. "I think a selection of five flavors would be sufficient." She looked to the cook. "Make sure that she eats at least ten of them, and don't let her refuse anything."

Under the watchful eye of our cook, Mrs. Vangerten, I dutifully sampled a dozen different chocolates, selecting some to be placed on a tray and sent up to the parlor. Rigel sat patiently by the door as I did so, panting as he sniffed at the air. I sighed, "I think that should be enough. Perhaps some hot chocolate to go with?"

"I can send up a pot, Miss." She nodded to a maid, who set to warming a pot of milk. "But if you would eat a little more? I made some cinnamon sugar toast after hearing you were poorly. You have always liked that." She proffered a plate of bread, covered in butter and glistening with sugar. "For me, Miss?"

I took it, grabbing a slice of it and nibbling. It was still as good as it had been when I was a child, sweet and buttery and comforting. I sighed around it. "This is truly unfair, you know?"

"Now Miss, after what's been happening you need all the strength you can get." She smiled as I settled onto a stool, tearing into another slice and throwing Rigel a bit of crust. "And you get that from food. Now, for dinner tonight, I was thinking a roast and vegetables. Perhaps some ice cream for dessert?" I could only nod at that, my mouth full of the toast. God, why was it so good? Mrs. Vangerten kept up a chatter as she shuffled around, pulling out the vegetables to begin slicing and go into the oven. I felt rather stuffed as I followed the maid with the hot chocolate up to the parlor with Rigel by my side, and another maid behind us with the plate of chocolates.

"Thank you, both." I nodded to them, reaching for a cup to pour myself a cup only stopping when the parlor door opened.

Mrs. Vangerten, a bit red from the rush, quickly set down a small bowl. "Whipped cream, Miss. For the chocolate."

"Thank you." I smiled at her, sipping my chocolate after topping it with the cream. "I've never had better." The three of them headed out, leaving me to drink my chocolate and wait for the others to return.

And worry about what I would say to Will when he returned.

First, I would apologize for my actions last night. If I hadn't demanded him to bed me, we could still share my bed. I should have just accepted the comfort that he offered and not pushed for more. Then I would tell him how upset I was to lose his company at night, but that perhaps it was for the best. My feelings and thoughts were obviously unsettled at the moment, and until they settled we should avoid any intense situations like that. Perhaps I could joke about taking Rigel back into my bed, he might find that funny.

"Oh Anastasia, it's just awful what that lawyer said!" Liz burst into the parlor in a flurry of green, quickly sweeping me up in her arms and squeezing me tight. "Of course you should stay home, you shouldn't even go back until he's dismissed!" She whirled to Oscar. "Can't you get him disbarred or something?"

He shrugged, sitting down and popping a chocolate in his mouth. "He's already being charged with contempt, and what he did technically wasn't illegal. Just overly aggressive and broke court etiquette, it's not like he struck her."

Liz raised her brows, looking to me. "Would you let him, just to get him gone?"

I couldn't help the snort that came out. "I've still got one bruise, perhaps we should let that one fade first?"

"You're right, you're right." She sat next to me. "In fact we won't talk about it at all, let's talk about the wedding. Is your dress finished?"

"Yes, almost." I smiled, thinking of how Paul had spent what seemed like hours tucking the bodice to fit as close as it could. "Mr. Hunt wants to adjust the neckline, he thinks we can fit more pearls on it."

"Any diamonds?" Liz's grin was infectious. "Just to show up Her Highness?"

I shook my head. "No, just pearls. I enjoy them more." I let Liz fuss over me for awhile, she was very concerned about my hair and upon hearing that I would only be wearing a golden net, studded with pearls and held on by silk clusters of orange blossoms, affected a faint. I laughed, truly laughed. "What would you have me do? Have all my hair braided on top of my head?"

"No!" She moaned from her false faint. "But something with volume, or feathers. You love feathers."

"You're wearing your sapphires, right?" Oscar grinned at his sister's act. I nodded, and he steepled his fingers. "Then you'll have your tiara to wear." Liz kept her faint up, muttering something about sapphires needing to be the exact right hue. I was smiling at her when the door opened again, Ezekiel and James stepping through. I immediately brought my finger to my lips, begging them to be silent. I got up from the settee, gesturing for James to take my seat while I moved over to the chair by Oscar. Ezekiel shook his head, smiling widely as he reached over and popped a chocolate into his mouth.

I kept my voice light. "Oh, I think my sapphires will work. In fact, I have one of the pieces with me at the moment. Liz, take a look at it will you?"

The thought of jewelry had her eyes popped open in an instant, although when she sat up instead of a bracelet she saw James. A grin split her face, and she threw her arms around him. "Oh James, I had no idea you were back!"

He held her close. "I've only been in since last night, but Ezekiel told me I was needed here." I could see the smile on his face. "He neglected to mention you would be here, though."

Ezekiel shrugged, reaching over for another chocolate. "Didn't know you'd care, my God Ana, cherry cordial chocolates?"

"Those are for everyone." I rolled my eyes as I smacked his hand away from the plate. "And they've been courting for awhile now."

"You couldn't send her my way?" Ezekiel pulled his hand back, acting affronted. "I'd love to live a life of leisure."

"Fields," Oscar leaned over, raising an eyebrow. "That is my sister, you know."

He raised his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright. Do you have another?" I couldn't help but laugh at that as James and Liz finally pulled apart and began to speak quietly to each other. It felt good to see the two of them so obviously falling for each other, the way James didn't let go of her hand the entire time. Ezekiel must have noticed my mood for he reached over, tugging at my hair. "Feeling better, Annie?"

"Somewhat." I admitted, "Although not completely."

He snorted. "Will should be back soon, I'm sure he can put you in a good mood." He must have noticed me furrow my brows, for his voice dropped. "Did he do something to hurt you? You can tell me."

"And me." Oscar reached over, patting my hand.

I shook my head. "Just a little spat, that's all. We just need to talk."

"When Mother says that, Father never leaves the ship." Ezekiel murmured, "Should I go give him a warning?"

Oscar turned on him. "That is entirely unnecessary, people have to have discussions about certain things. Not everything causes a fight." He must have noticed me curling in on myself because he gave my hand a squeeze. "Just be honest with him, the two of you have been through far worse."

"That's an understatement." Ezekiel snorted, but he did pat my shoulder. "You'll be fine." I tried to take some comfort from their words, and I was sure that we would be fine. It still didn't mean I wasn't dreading it. It seemed all too soon Will was coming into the parlor, his hat still in his hand as he shook James's hand and greeted Liz. Ezekiel pounced soon after. "So how was the court today?"

"It was fine." Will shrugged, smiling at me. I felt my heart rise a little at that. "They're motioning for Ana to be excused from the rest of the trial until deliberations are finished, they'll be sending a doctor to asses her tomorrow and offer his opinion." He knelt down by my chair, putting a hassock under his knees. "Are you feeling better?"

I couldn't help but smile as Oscar gently pulled his hand from mine, letting Will grasp it. "Yes, although I would like to talk to you in private."

"The library?" He squeezed my hand, helping me to my feet. Will nodded to the others. "If you'll excuse us."

"Of course." Oscar bowed his head, and Ezekiel nodded. James and Liz were so caught up in each other that they didn't even notice as we left.

Will kept pace with me on the stairs, not rushing me at all. "Have you eaten?"

"Yes, some breakfast." I gripped his arm a little tighter. "And some chocolates."

He chuckled. "How healthy." He opened the door to the library, letting me go in before closing it. I chose a chair, gesturing for him to take the one next to me. He did, reaching over for my hand. "Ana, for what happened-"

"Will," I cut him off, squeeing his hand. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pressed."

"I wouldn't have considered it, but I haven't seen you like that in so long."

I sighed, "I didn't dream of the sinking, Will." I could see the puzzled look on his face, the way his brows furrowed. "I dreamt that Perry had taken me, that he had offered me up to Mr. Reichster. That's why I flinched away when you reached for me."

"Dear God." He moved his chair closer to me, his hand curling around my shoulder. "It's no wonder you wanted what you did."

"I just wanted to forget." I shook my head, "And I made a mistake. I'm sorry for what I did, and I'm sorry that we're forbidden from each other at night for awhile."

"Perhaps it's for the best." Will snorted, "Last night, God Ana, the things I would have done to you."

"No poetry, not until the wedding."

"I'll be in agony until then." He stood, drawing me up and wrapping his arms around me. I did the same, clutching his shoulders close and closing my eyes. All I wanted was to simply take comfort in his presence, in his arms. I felt him kiss my cheek, "I hope I'll still be allowed this."

"I'd allow you so much more." I whispered into his chest. "And I will, once we're married."

He laughed, pulling back to look at me. "Temptress."

"Only for you." I rested my hands on his chest, smiling at him. My stomach finally felt light, not twisted up with anticipation and guilt. The position we were in was innocent enough that I didn't jump away from him when Peggy opened the door. I looked to her. "Yes?"

"Duchess Metternich is downstairs, Miss." Peggy looked exhausted. "I tried to tell her that we weren't accepting visitors at the moment, but she refused to believe me since she had seen Mr. Vanderbilt's car from the road. I couldn't stop her, she's in the parlor right now."

Will's hands tightened on me. "Is she alone?"

"Yes, Mr. Murdoch." Peggy nodded. "Mr. Vanderbilt is entertaining her at the moment, but she might like some assistance." She glanced to my dressing gown. "You'll need to change, Miss." I sighed, disentangling myself from Will and moving down to my rooms. Louise was already prepared, a tea gown out and ready. I had to admit that it felt rather good to pull on an actual gown and have my hair brushed out. Louise quickly had it twisted atop my head, giving me a brief dusting of rose water perfume before I was ready to head down. I steeled myself as best I could before opening the door to the parlor, pasting a polite smile on my face. I wound up holding it open after hearing a scrabble of claws on wood, Rigel worming his way in behind me.

"Anastasia!" Sophie, sat beside Oscar who was looking decidedly strained, rose up and rushed over. "Oh how are you? Yesterday must have been so terrible."

I endured the way she lightly embraced me, and ignored Rigel giving a slight growl. "It was not pleasant." I went over and sat beside Will. More chairs had been brought, enough for Ezekiel, Will and I to take up the empty sides of the low table. It had been freshly set with a pot of tea in our fine porcelain, hastily whipped together treats spread across various plates. I reached for the pot. "Shall I pour for you, Your Highness?"

"Oh, yes please." She fluttered her hands, her eyes sliding away from the bruise on my face. "But you must tell me, what has it been like? I read the papers every morning, all of them! I look for every article I can find about the trial."

Oscar shrugged as I handed her her tea. "I don't suppose you can really know unless you've been there."

"Of course!" Sophie remarked after sipping her tea. "You have been her constant companions, haven't you?" She looked from him to Will and Ezekiel. "Such gallant knight does she have."

"I have the good fortune to have good friends." I demurred, trying to ignore the way Ezekiel was starting to preen. Considering the way Sophie was smiling at him she must have thought it was genuine, and not Ezekiel trying to get a rise out of all of us. I did my best to ignore him. "Good friends are always a comfort during trouble times."

"Indeed." She looked away for a moment. "I have found that I am missing quite a few of those lately."

"Homesick?" Oscar took his own cup of tea. "I'm sure they'd love a visit from you."

"Yes, well, Berlin and Hamburg seem so far away sometimes." She shook her head, seeming to clear away her thoughts and replace them with a smile. "But I have made so many friends here and my friends from Germany will be here soon enough." She reached over for my hand, and I let her take it. "I hope that you are one of them?"

I barely stopped my jaw from dropping open. "I'm honor that Her Highness considers me so."

"Of course you are!" She squeezed my hand, and I felt Will take my other. "Although, I am so sorry about Henry. He has been so out of sorts lately." She cast her eyes heavenward. "He and Zaza have been fighting over something, and I fear the strain was too much for him. I am terribly sorry that he let that loose on you."

"It was cruel." Liz snapped from across the table. "He knew she was going to go through a hard day."

James reached for her, "Miss Anastasia is very strong though, she did well."

"She fainted!" Liz glanced to him. "And I have no doubt he's to cause for it."

Sophie flapped her hands. "Forgive me, forgive me, it's my fault for bringing up a tender subject." She picked up a spoon, stirring in some more sugar to her tea. "Perhaps onto something happier. Your wedding, Anastasia, you've decided on colors?"

"Yes," I reached out for a tray of cookies. "Peach and forget-me-not blue. Yours?"

"Silver and gold." She sighed, a dreamy look on her face. "Rather classical, but I do enjoy it so."

I let my hand brush up against Rigel's head, scratching him. "Silver dresses?"

"Gold!" She almost clapped her hands. "Cloth of gold with silver bows. And yours?"

"Peach silk chiffon with a blue sash." Liz almost wrinkled her nose at Sophie's description. "I've arranged for them all."

"Well, bridesmaids dresses are all well and good." Sophie smiled, "But the wedding gown is truly the star of the show. Have you had your finished yet?"

"It is almost done."

"Any details you care to share?" She reached across, brushing her fingers across Rigel's head as she tried to take my hand again. He raised his hackles, making her draw her hand back. "I haven't heard anything, it hasn't been in any of the papers!"

"It's a surprise." I stroked Rigel's head, calming him. "We're planning to take a portrait for the papers once this," I drew my other hand across my bruise. "Fades."

She almost flinched. "Oh yes, I do hope it isn't too painful."

"It's been getting better. But your dress, Your Highness, I've heard something about a French house?"

She blushed a bit, a perfect pink staining ivory skin. "Well, my late mother would have wanted it that way."

I blinked, "Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't aware."

"She passed when I was young, and my father not long after." She shrugged. "I barely remember them, but I know they wanted me to have the best. And my brothers have always indulged me."

"Your brothers," Will spoke up, "Will they be attending?"

"Yes, even Johann will be coming." Her smile actually appeared genuine. "He so rarely leaves the castle, and he'll be bringing Marta with him. Oh, and I've already told Otto to be on his best behavior." She shook her head. "He was so rude last time, I should have come over to offer my apologies for him." She batted her eyelashes at Will. "Please, be patient with him. He's always been rather hot headed and proud."

"I shall try." Will managed to bite it out. "Although perhaps it would be best if we tried to avoid each other."

Oscar leaned back in his chair, nibbling on a finger sandwich. "Come now William, I'm sure that the two of you could entertain all of us with your debates."

"That does sound lovely." Sophie stopped as the clock began to chime. "Oh dear, that's the time. I must be going, but thank you for all of this and I hope everything goes well for you in this." She rose, sweeping from the room as quickly as she seemed to have come.

The fact that all us decided to leave the tea for something stronger said all that we needed to.

Chapter Text

The doctor the court had sent to determine my fitness barely examined me. I had been fully prepared to act as sick as I could, Mother had even insisted on dusting my face and arms with powder to make me look paler. Will had been enlisted to sit by my bedside, ready to tell the doctor how I had barely slept after what had happened. Instead, the doctor had simply touched my throat, brushed his hand across my bruise, and nodded. "Yes, I can see you have been very ill-treated. In fact, I believe you're on the verge of hysteria. Such exciting events, like the trial, must be avoided at all costs." He scribbled this down onto a paper. "I recommend that you stay on bed rest, preferably in the dark and eat only bland foods. Anything to avoid exciting your body."

Will reached for my hand. "You truly think she may be affected by hysteria?"

"She has already fainted multiple times," The doctor stood, completely ignoring Mother's open mouth as she tried to speak. "And most women are far too stubborn, so I shall be entrusting you with her care."

"Shouldn't I be given that duty, as her mother?" Her voice was like ice as she cut through the end of the doctor's statement.

He didn't even turn to look at her. "Far too indulgent, if anything your daughter should be kept on bread and water, with no entertainment or interactions, until these trying events have passed." He focused on Will. "I trust you to have the strength to enforce this."

Will swallowed. "I shall, thank you for coming."

"Of course, I'll go make my report to the court." The sound of his footsteps climbing down the stairs was far too comforting. Even Rigel appeared to be a bit more at ease with him gone.

Mother whirled on Will. "If you intend to treat Anastasia as if she is some kind of prisoner, I shall-"

"I would never." Will cut her off with a shake of his head. "So long as she does nothing to hurt herself, I will allow her as much as she wants." He glanced over to me. "Although, we should probably stay inside, just to avoid anyone saying anything if they see us."

I smiled. "That is a good point, although if you two start up a poker tournament I may go down to the offices." I actually laughed as I got out of bed, accepting Will's hand. He shook his head, and Mother gave a very refined snort. "I swear you two, no poker. If I have to organize all of us into performing Shakespeare to avoid it, I will."

"That actually sounds rather entertaining." Mother said, standing and coming to brush off some of the powder from my face and arms. "Although I'm afraid we may need some more actors to join us."

"I'm sure Liz would be willing to come spend a few days with us." I gave Will a grin. "And James would certainly enjoy it."

He smiled back, shaking his head and chuckling. "I'll leave it to you to convince Oscar to allow it, but I have a feeling she'll come even if he doesn't feel like it." He stepped out, letting Louise and Mother get me into a dress, leaving my hair down for the informal setting. It felt nice to not have to worry about going to the court, to know that I could just spend my day with my friends and loved ones.

Oscar was happily eating a plate of eggs when I walked into the dining room and half rose out of his seat. "You look much better than yesterday, Anastasia."

"Thank you, Oscar." I reached for a plate of pancakes, slathering them with dark, sweet maple syrup. "It looks like we won't have to go to court until it's time for the verdict."

"Thank Christ." Ezekiel, huddled over a mug of coffee, muttered.

Oscar snorted. "Indeed, I'd rather not have to deal with it anymore either."

"But we'll be stuck in here." Will, coming in and pressing a kiss to my cheek, said. "At least Ana will."

"Yes, I was hoping that Liz might be able to come over and stay for awhile." I shamelessly batted my eyes at Oscar. "She'd make it a bit easier to deal with."

He smiled. "I think I could arrange that. If you'll allow me the use of your phone, that is."

At my nod he rose and headed out of the dining room, leaving me free to turn to Ezekiel. "After breakfast, please go and ask James to come stay with us while he'd here."

"You're evil." Ezekiel shook his head. "But I'll do it. What exactly are you planning?" I popped a slice of pancake into my mouth, simply smiling at I chewed. Oscar, came back crowing about how Liz would arrive by the afternoon, he had no idea what Ezekiel slipped out for later. That left Will and I to while away the time in the parlor, with the occasional comment from Oscar.

I had just completed a rather complex stitch on my embroidery when Will spoke up. "What did you have in mind, Ana? Macbeth?"

"Too dark." I shook my head, twisted the thread around itself to create a knot that I tucked down. "I was thinking something romantic."

"You're having my sister over to play a part?" Oscar, his nose buried in a book from upstairs, snorted. "What were you thinking, Juliet?"

"Yes, actually." I snipped my current thread, trading it out for another color. "I think she would do marvelous."

"And no doubt I'd be Romeo." Oscar let his book drop, shaking his head. "Honestly, why would you want to do a tragedy right now? If anything, we should read a comedy."

"I hardly think A Midsummer Night's Dream is appropriate for the moment." Will, his paper folded onto the table, pursed his lips. "Far too light."

Oscar rolled his eyes. "You're being married in less than two months, I think it's obvious what play we should perform." At out silence he dropped his head to his hands. "The Taming of the Shrew, Anastasia would be a marvelous Katherina and you would do well as Petruchio."

"You'd be willing to play Lucentio?" I raised an eyebrow. "Because you know if I play Katherina that means Liz would be Bianca."

Oscar sighed. "Fine, fine. Just as long as we do something fun."

"I have no doubt it will be fun." Will chuckled, grabbing his paper. I was partway through the next corner of my embroidery, so many handkerchiefs were required for a wedding, when the door opened and Liz burst into the parlor like a whirlwind. It was a brief moment of greeting before she turned and began to direct her driver upstairs on where to have her trunk taken. Will called up after her, "There's a room next to your brother's, take that one!"

"Of course!" Her voice echoed down from upstairs, and a few footmen were taking her trunk and around seven valises up after her. She called down again, "I brought Oscar more clothes too!"

"I have enough!" He shouted up to her.

"You've worn the same suit three days in a row, Mother is furious!" Liz poked her head over the railing as she looked down the stairwell. "She's the one that insisted I bring them with me."

"If Mother wants me to wear clean clothes she could bring them down herself." Oscar grumbled, but he didn't put up any further fight over it. Instead he climbed upstairs, mumbling something about needing to make sure that everything was put away correctly.

I turned to Will. "You're doing the room arrangements now?"

"Well, you know what's on the other side of the room she took." Will grinned, "An empty room, perfect for James to take."

"And apparently I'm the evil one." I shook my head, smiling. Liz was still arranging her rooms to her liking when Ezekiel showed up with James. He didn't bring a trunk with him, only a simple leather bag. I gave him a brief hug, and took him upstairs myself. "I hope you don't mind staying, I just would love your company at the moment."

"I don't mind at all, Miss Dalian." He looked rather bashful. "Although you know you don't have to do all of this."

"Nonsense!" We had gained the landing of the floor with the guest rooms, and I raised my voice. "It's always a pleasure to have you stay, James. I just hope Captain Fraser doesn't mind." I gestured to a door down the hall, just past the one currently occupied by two footmen negotiating a trunk through it. "After all, it's getting rather close to, well, you know."

"Aye." His voice was quiet. "I don't want to be out during it."

"Nor do I want you to be. You or Will, and if I could do anything to make sure the others weren't I would." I shook my head. "But that isn't for a little while, and we are trying to have fun here. Tell me, how do you feel about Shakespeare?"

"I had to read him in school, it was a bit hard to understand."

"Well, I hope you start to understand him fairly quick then." I opened the door, he no doubt remembered the rooms from the times he had stayed here before. I smiled after him as he walked in to get settled. "We're going to spend awhile reading him later and I would love for you to join us."

He looked over from where he had set his bag down on the bed. "You and Mr. Murdoch, Miss?"

"Will, Oscar, Ezekiel, my mother, oh and there was one more." I tapped my finger to my lips, taking a moment to seem as if I was remembering something. "Ah, Liz. I take it you don't mind?"

He had flushed a bit as I said Liz's name. "Not at all, Miss. Is she staying?"

"Yes, in fact she's right next door." I couldn't help the little grin I wore as I stepped away from the door, noting Liz in the hallway as I walked past. I patted her shoulder. "You can thank me later."

I was not surprised at all when an arm shot out of Oscar's room, grabbing my arm and pulling me inside. Grinning at Oscar was probably not the smartest thing to do at the moment, but I couldn't help it. His jaw was so clenched I was amazed he could speak. "Anastasia, I am going to lock her in her room every night unless you have him move."

"Or perhaps I'll have you locked in, after all this is my house Oscar." I reached up and patted his cheek, making his face fall in shock. "He's an honorable man Oscar, just let her enjoy herself. He won't go beyond what's proper and you know it. This whole big brother act has already got him rattled. Tell me, has he ever done anything beyond what's appropriate?"

"No," Oscar allowed, his hand dropping from my arm. "But you provided him with every opportunity while he's here! It's going to be hard enough for me to keep you safe, and now to have to chaperone her-"

I snorted. "You do not have to keep me safe anymore, Oscar. In fact, you could have gone home for the past week and I would have been fine. I don't mind you staying because I like your company, but between the men you hired and Will, I feel well protected." I could see him flinch a bit at that, and I patted his shoulder. "Not that I don't appreciate what you've done, I truly do. You've been a great support during all of this."

He reached up for my hand at that, giving it a squeeze. "That's all I wanted to be."

"Liz will be fine."

"I know."

"Will you come help me find the books up in the library? I know we kept a few copies of the play for nights like this."

He tucked my hand around his arm. "Of course, I should be glad to." He very deliberately did not look the other way down the hall as we exited, although I did. Liz had rushed to James, and he had embraced her tightly. His eyes were shut, his lips moving as he spoke softly. I felt rather like an intruder, and quickly turned away. Oscar was a great help as we looked through the shelves, eventually coming across a small box containing battered copies of various plays.

"Well, I suppose we can hand them back and forth." I sighed, holding the five booklets in my hands. "I don't suppose you've got a part you'd like to play?"

"Oh, I'll take anything." Oscar plucked one from my hands and flipped through it. "I think I would make a great Bianca."

I laughed, "I think your sister would be better!"

"Alright, then Lucentio."

"So you could marry your sister? Hardly, let James do that." I took the booklet from his limp fingers, instead taking his hand and tugging him along. "Oh hush, it's just some harmless play. Let them moon over each other a bit." He still let go of my hand when we reached the landing where James and Liz were talking, preferring to go loom over his sister and glare at James.

The poor man practically quailed under his gaze, instead rushing after me downstairs. He set to helping me reorder a drawing room on the second floor, clearing away some tables to clear a place to perform. It took him a minute before he could speak. "It's not that I don't appreciate you asking me here, Miss Dalian, but putting me next to Liz, her brother is going to skin me alive before I go to bed tonight."

"Oh, Oscar is all bluster." I shrugged as I fluffed a pillow. "He's harmless."

James stood up suddenly, staring at me. "You say that Miss, but he beat the tar out of the man who tried to take you."

I snorted, he did have a point. "And so long as you don't try and kidnap Liz you should be fine." James grumbled a bit as we finished up with the room, but quieted as Liz walked in with Mother, the both of them chattering away. I watched him as the others trickled in, Will coming and pressing a kiss to my cheek. James was watching Liz attentively, until Oscar came in. Then he busied himself with the food the maids were bringing, a filling repast to replace dinner. But he kept looking over, a small smile appearing on his face when he would catch her gaze.

"Well Katherina, shall we begin?" Oscar jokingly called out as he settled down into a chair. Mother was pestering Ezekiel about taking part, and I knew all the lines he would be saying. It was foolish, he couldn't act, he'd simply rather watch and enjoy our show. I also knew Mother would order him to participate, helping fill in roles as needed. While Will and I had been filling our plates, I had held onto his hand for a bit longer. In the reflection of a water pitcher I had seen how James hesitated to sit beside Liz on a settee, until it had finally been so long as to get awkward and he sat.

It was only once they were beside each other that I moved with Will to the other settee, smiling at Oscar. "Oh I think so, if you all are." It led to a brief amount of squabbling about who would play the various parts, until things were settled. Oscar and Ezekiel wound up guiding us through the introduction and into the actual play itself. It was rather fun to play the fiery Katherina, to stride around the open space and spit venom. Liz, meanwhile, was all simpering sweetness and meekness.

Will fell into his role with glee, and I had to admit that I quite enjoyed the verbal sparring we engaged in. I know some might see the play performed and assume that Katherina hated Petruchio, and he was only concerned about her dowry, but as I acted the part with Will, a new view came to me. Katherina was glad to find someone who stood up to her, and Petruchio likewise. For all his claims about taming her, it read to me as if Katherina was simply playing with him, like a cat with a mouse.

Liz and James were just about to stand when the door opened, Peggy standing aside as Rhett Link entered. He took in the sight before him before he spoke. "Well, it appears as if you have recovered from your spell yesterday, Miss Dalian."

I tried to keep my face calm. "Yes, I am."

"And after having the doctor testify this morning that you were on the verge of a hysterical attack this morning," He grinned. "Such a recovery, but we shouldn't chance things. After all, we would hate to have a reoccurrence in the court."

"Yes, it would be quite horrible." Will reached over for my hand. "It's much better for her to stay here with friends and family."

"Indeed." Rhett nodded. "However I thought you might want to know how the case was proceeding."

"We would." Mother spoke up. "Please, join us."

"So long as I'm not assigned a part, I shall." Rhett joked, pulling a chair from the side of the room. "You've won quite a bit of sympathy with the jury, and it looks as if the arguments will be finished within the next few days."

"And then?" I clutched Will's hand tighter. "What after?"

"The jury will deliberate and vote on whether they find Mr. Perry guilty on the charges. I think that it will be a rather quick deliberation." He accepted a plate from Peggy. "Following the verdict, if he is found guilty the judge will provide the sentencing. More than likely he will receive a rather large fine and perhaps a brief jail sentence."

Will nodded. "Is there any way we could extend that sentence?"

"Unfortunately, no." Rhett shook his head. "But we could push for the fine to be increased, Perry has deep enough pockets." Oscar immediately engaged him on that, and the mood that had been allowing such a delightful performance faded as the evening wore on. I found myself leaning against Will, tired of hearing them and tired of sitting here. I must have actually nodded off, for the next thing I was aware of was being in Will's arms as he cursed while climbing the stairs.

"Damn," He grunted, and I shifted myself in his arms.

"Hmm?"

"Almost missed a step, we're almost there. Don't try and get down, I'll drop you, I just know it." I clung to him as he asked, and I did not mind. It was nice to press my face to his shoulder, to feel his arms around me. But all too soon we were on the landing, and I was passed over to Louise to get ready for bed. I didn't try the door after she left, I knew it was open but forbidden. Instead I clung to Rigel, brushing him and talking quietly. It was nothing meaningful, just the kind of sweet nothings you whisper to a pet as it allows you to rub its belly and returns your affection with its own.

Rigel wound up being my most constant companion over the next few days. Liz and James would slip out occasionally, usually with Oscar chaperoning. Ezekiel wound up being called to the docks for some time, and Mother had to attend to some matters back on Fifth Avenue. Will tried to be around as much as he could, but Captain Fraser requested him to come down when he could. It wasn't as if I was alone, there was always at least a couple people around, but everyone had been scattered to the winds for the day it seemed. Which mean that I spent much more time with Rigel, our group only complete in the evenings to work our way through the play. Rhett usually showed up then, giving us his reports. I was rather nervous as I settled in for the final scene, when Petruchio showed off how obedient his wife was now. It wasn't the performance, it was the fact that Rhett had arrived earlier.

It would be his last visit, the jury had entered deliberations that afternoon and a verdict would be read the next morning. I would need to be present for it, and I felt the familiar twist of worry in my gut. Will was considering the text for a moment, but he shook his head and sighed. "I'm sorry, I just can't read it."

Mother, her voice rather distant, nodded. "I know, I'm finding it rather hard to finish knowing what is coming tomorrow too."

"Oh, it's not that." Will chuckled, drawing the gaze of everyone. "It's the speech. I can't give a speech about wanting an obedient wife who comes at my beck and call and agrees to everything that I say, regardless of the truth." He stood, holding out a hand to me and drawing me up. "I want Ana to challenge me on things that I should be challenged on, I want her to be her own woman." He did pull me close at that. "She can still be herself, while being my wife. If I wanted a servant I'd hire one, not turn her into one."

"Will," I threw my arms around his shoulder, kissing his cheek and hugging him tight. "You're far too good."

I felt his laughter in his chest. "No, I'm just lucky."

"And I'm exhausted, and we have to go to court tomorrow." Ezekiel cut in, earning himself a smack on his shoulder from Mother. "Can we please go to bed?" That sentiment was seconded by a few others, namely Liz and Oscar. I passed a rough night, eventually having to bring Rigel into sleep beside the bed. Hanging one arm off to brush through his hair was calming, although I got an earful from Louise in the morning. She quieted down as she dressed me rather conservatively, leaving off the veil. I couldn't eat before heading over, and I couldn't even bring myself to hold Will's hand. I kept twisting them in my skirt, my grip almost painful.

"Miss Dalian." The Links welcomed me back to their table, but didn't press me farther. It must have been obvious that I was anxious for this to be over. I tried to focus on listening to the other people filing into the court, the whispered conversations that cropped up and swirled around me while I stared at the wood of the table. I didn't even look to Mr. Perry when he arrived, remarking that he would be glad to return to his own home after all this nonsense was finished.

It was only with the arrival of Judge Withers that I was drawn from my reverie, all of us rising as he entered. He turned to the jury, not even bothering to tell us to be seated. "You've come to a decision?"

"Yes," The foreman waited for his approval before beginning. He drew a folded piece of paper from his pocket, reading slowly and clearly. "We, the gentlemen of the jury, find the defendant, Mr. Evan Perry of New York City, guilty on the charge of conspiracy to commit kidnapping."

The room practically exploded at the verdict, Constance Perry almost on top of a chair as she railed at the judge and jury. Will reached from behind the bar and wrapped his arms around me, Mother almost sobbing with relief. It was quite sometime before the room was brought back to order, although Constance had to be removed by the bailiff after she began cursing at the judge. Judge Withers considered something on his desk before speaking. "Mr. Perry, please stand."

Evan Perry, his face pale, did as he was asked to. "Yes, Your Honor."

"In light of your significant financial position, I have elected to increase the fine and decrease your time in the penitentiary for your sentencing. You shall pay to Miss Dalian and her lawyers a sum of ten thousand dollars, and shall be behind bars for no less than twenty days." Judge Withers looked up. "As that is all, the court is dismissed." He swept from the room, not even seeing how Mr. Perry almost swayed on his feet before Rhys guided him back down into a chair.

I could hear him from across the room. "Twenty days in jail and ten thousand is nothing to you. Just keep your head down and you'll get through." But then the Links were being congratulated, and I was back in Will's arms as we swept our way out of the court. Oscar was telling any reporter who would listen about how he knew everything would turn out alright, how he refused to let Perry get away with anything more after what he had done. The car ride home was as joyous as those first moments after the verdict, and champagne had already been put on ice and was awaiting us.

Will held his flute up, smiling. "I think we can all drink to relief this night, relief that it's all over."

"Here, here." Oscar grinned, downing his glass. "Although perhaps Liz and I should be headed home."

I reached over for his arm, "Actually Oscar, I was hoping you might stay for awhile longer."

"Why?" Liz shook her head, making sure to provide James with a prime view as her hair fanned out. "Surely with everything done you don't need us here anymore?"

"Well, I know that." I shrugged, and I tried to keep my voice strong. "But it is rather close to, well, I mean-"

"Ah." Will nodded, setting his glass down and coming to my side. "The anniversary."

"Yes." James's voice was quiet but it sent a chill down my spine. "It's soon."

Will didn't let anyone speak before he turned to him. "You're staying, that's an order."

"Yes, sir." James nodded, and Liz moved to him. "I wouldn't dream of being out at that time."

"We can stay." Oscar gave my hand a squeeze. "We have to have some celebration, and you know how much I love to plan a big party."

I found myself blinking quickly, trying to clear away some tears that had cropped up. "Of course, Oscar. I would be glad to have you come up with something." Will quickly offered me a handkerchief, the one I had given him and embroidered with his initials. I tried not to notice how the embroidery grew dark as I dabbed at my tears, the navy thread turning almost black.

Chapter Text

Oscar gave up his plans for a large party after a few days, it was more than apparent that while he wanted to celebrate he could tell it wasn't a good time for it. Ezekiel had already been called back to work and Mother had returned to Fifth Avenue, she had found me in the office and had spent ten minutes looking at the portrait of all of us behind the desk. I had watched as she had traced Father's cheek on the canvas, her eyes shining. I had swallowed my pride, "Mother, why don't you head back? Oscar, Liz and James will be staying. I'll be fine, and you've been working yourself to the bone." I had stood, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. "You can come back over when it's time for the wedding portrait."

That had seemed to shake her out of it. "Nonsense, you'll be coming to me. I've already arranged with Mr. Hunt to have the dress delivered there, and you'll need to send over Will's uniform before then." She seemed glad to have a distraction. "But I should be getting back, I can start to plan for some flower arrangements for the portrait." But then she had looked over, raising an eyebrow. "If you're sure, that it."

I had hugged her. "Of course, go get some rest." She had pressed a kiss to the side of my head, collected her trunks and left for her own house. I had sat back down at the desk, but the reports from Mr. Keller hardly seemed to stick in my mind. Eventually I had given up on reading them, on sitting beneath the portrait where we had all been so happy. Instead I had fled to the library, hoping to find something to distract me. Even that was of little use, though, for all I could think about was what was coming.

The first day of the anniversary found Will, James and I being whirled around a department store by Liz and Oscar. They had apparently decided that it was their duty to keep us from thinking about last year, and Oscar was currently piling hat after hat in front of Will and James. He held up a black silk top hat, collapsing the crown down to make it almost flat and letting it spring back up. "It would be perfect for you Will, very easy to store and wear when you and Anastasia head out for your honeymoon."

I could see Will was trying to be positive. "Yes, I can see the advantage of it."

"And for you as well, Mr. Moody."

"I'm afraid I cannot afford something like that." James shrugged. "Nor could I ask you to purchase it for me."

Oscar snorted. "You don't need to ask me, I've already arranged for one to be sent to the house. Liz wants to take you out to the theater tomorrow, you need to dress the part."

James sighed, his shoulders falling. "I'm afraid that I would just embarrass her, I haven't got the clothes to be by her side."

"Then it's a good thing we're here." Oscar came over, hustling the younger man to follow him. "Now, come along. And I don't want to hear any nonsense about not letting me buy a suit for you." I gave a small smile as I watched the two of them head off towards a salesman and a tailor that had obviously been told to wait for them. I was just about to ask Will what he thought of a gray bowler when Liz burst out from a display of coats.

She briefly considered them before turning to me. "There you are, I have found the most marvelous dress. I was thinking it would be perfect for your honeymoon." I didn't even have a chance to agree before she had my arm and was dragging me back to the ladies area. It was full of ladies browsing the latest for the spring season, full of pastels and light fabrics, but what Liz pulled me towards was dark.

"Oh, my." I murmured, taking in the sight of the dark blue dress, almost insubstantial gauze draped over silk. The gauze almost formed a second skirt over the actual skirt, all of it edged in gold embroidery and edged with shining beads. I was almost afraid to touch it, it seemed so delicate that I worried I would tear it. I barely spared a glance to Liz, greedily watching my reaction from beside me. "This is incredible."

"Isn't it? I thought it make the most marvelous dress for your reception." Liz had no compunctions about reaching over and letting the organza flow through her fingers as she lifted it. "It would suit your sapphires."

"It would." I traced my fingers over the gold embroidery. "But Mother is insisting that I wear the wedding dress for the reception."

Liz rolled her eyes. "Anastasia, really, don't deny yourself this. It suits you perfectly!" She stepped back, considering the dress for a moment. "I have an idea!" She stepped forward, her voice as whisper as she smiled. "You and Will are going to be expected to throw a party sometime after you come back, why not make it a costume party? You've always had fun with those, and this would be perfect for you to be some kind of sea nymph."

My mind latched onto that. "It would work."

"With your sapphires, and some pearls in your hair." Her voice dropped even more, now simply a breath. "You're going to be married, your husband might not even let you out of the bedroom once he sees you in it."

I felt my cheeks flush. "Liz, my God."

"I'm only stating the truth." Liz smiled, waving over a salesman. "Please package this up!" She quickly gave him the address and he whisked the gown away. She took my elbow, drawing me on. "Now, you are going to be getting gloves, fans and whatever else you're going to need for your honeymoon." Her lips twisted up again. "Perhaps something to entice Will even more."

"I hardly think I need help with that." I mumbled, but I allowed her to pull me further into the lingerie department. Some of the items were so revealing that I flushed just looking at them. As soon as Liz mentioned that I was a soon to be bride we were swarmed by shop girls, and soon enough an entire bridal trousseau had been assembled and sent back to the house. It appeared the Will and James hadn't been spared by Oscar, for Will looked extremely exhausted and growled something about not needing everything that Oscar had insisted on purchasing for him.

Back at the house, he followed me up to my rooms to commiserate on it. "Ana, he bought me an entire dinner suit! The coat has tails almost a foot long, really, can't we stop him?"

"Oscar has never been one to be stingy with his gifts." I shook my head, opening the door to my sitting room. A small fire was lit, refreshments laid out. Will left the door open behind him as he came in, sitting beside me on the settee. I moved a bit closer to him "So unfortunately, we're just going to have to deal with it."

"He's planning on Sherry's for dinner." Will shook his head, looking over when Louise bustled into the room with her hands full of dress boxes and packages. She quickly bobbed a curtsey, heading for the dressing room. He sighed, "You too?"

"Liz insisted." I shrugged, "Those two are incredibly stubborn."

Will was just about to say something when Louise came back through, her voice light. "I left a package for you to put away, Miss Dalian. The items for your trousseau? I thought you would prefer to deal with those." Remembering some of the scandalous things that Liz had thrown into my purchases, I felt myself blush a bit as I thanked her.

I looked to Will. "Would you mind if I dealt with that?"

"I wouldn't mind if you chose to model some of it for me." Will chuckled, but pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Go deal with it, I'll sit here in the quiet. It is rather nice." I gave his hand a squeeze as I stood, moving into the bedroom. Louise had left a number of packages on the bed, everything inside folded and stored in tissue paper. I turned to my hope chest, that old battered sea chest that Peggy had thrown a shawl over to disguise it. I fiddled with the broken lock for a moment, throwing open the lid as I knelt down in front of it.

A number of newspapers had been piled inside, some full pages and some just clippings. I could feel my hands shake slightly as I reached for one on top, a picture of Will and the other officers as they entered the hotel for the inquiry. I could see myself, draped in black crepe, beside them. I tried to stop the shaking in my hands as I set it aside, tried to ignore the article that praised the Reichsters and damned Will and I. I must have made some noise though, once I had removed all of them and seen the folded blue taffeta gown beneath. I heard Will call from the sitting room, "Ana, what is it?"

I shook my head, pulling the gown out. The ivory chiffon underskirt was stained, although the salt was gone from it. Will's footsteps sounded behind me as I drew out two fur coats, a mink stole, the fur slightly matted. I started to brush my fingers through it, straightening the hair. I could hear Will settle down onto the floor as I set it aside, pulling a rough canvas and cork life belt from the chest. I could still see my writing on it, and I brushed my fingers over the letters. "I wanted to see what was already in my trousseau, but I forgot..."

Will considered it for a moment, then reached past me and pulled out a matchbook and a message. He unfolded the paper, smiling down at it wistfully. "It wasn't all bad." He set it down, resting his hands on his knees. "I was so exhausted that night, but I wanted to see you more than I wanted to sleep. That was a good night."

"Yes, it was." I reached over and covered his hand with mine, "But with everything, it's been almost a year-"

"Since that night, I'm well aware." His voice was hard. "I'm going to be aware of that day every year of my life."

"I don't want to remember it." I buried my head against his shoulder. "But it keeps coming back. I just want to go forward, but every article about the case mentioned it and it's just eating away at me."

"I know." Will pulled me closer, putting an arm around me. "And the case didn't help."

"No, it didn't." I sighed against him. "I can see it wearing on James too."

"At least we're all together, I'd hate to go through this on my own."

I shook my head, "I'm going to try and get my hands on some brandy before Peggy catches on."

"I've already hidden a bottle of whiskey in my rooms." Will chuckled, but his voice grew bitter. "I've had need of it recently."

"I'm sorry." I squeezed his arm. "You could send someone to wake me up, I'd sit up with you."

"It's alright." He shook his head. "You don't need to deal with me when I'm like that, it always fades by the morning." I buried myself against him, hoping to offer him comfort through my presence even if my words couldn't help. The way he ran his fingers over my arm though spoke to what he wanted. I pressed a kiss to his cheek, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing him to me tightly. He returned it, and I couldn't tell how long we had been on the floor before we stood and slowly packed away everything that we had pulled out.

My smile was a bit tight when Louise came back in, sending Will out as she helped me change for dinner. James had been shoved into a suit that was far too well tailored to have just been bought for him today, and Will's coat tails did indeed stretch far beyond what he was used to. I did like the swallowtail design though, and I noted his eyes on me as I stepped down in a powder blue chiffon gown, a darker blue sash pulling it in tight around my waist. I waited until we were all ensconced in the car, Oscar far too concerned with keeping an eye on Liz and James to listen to me. I whispered to Will, "You don't want to know how tight Louise had to lace me for this."

"Vain." Will pinched my arm, lightly and set to rubbing the slightly red mark between my sleeve and my glove. "A vain temptress I've decided to chain myself to."

"Your coat suits you very well." I brought my other hand over to drape my fingers against his. "As does the tie clip." I had noticed his Christmas gift against the black tie he was wearing, eschewing the bow tie that formal dress so often demanded. It suited Will better, the high collar not hidden by the long tie. Will didn't reply, but he threaded his fingers through mine.

Dinner at Sherry's was enough to almost make me sick. Hot soup, salad, steaks and an entire lobster for each of us. I thought I could barely eat a single morsel, let alone all of the meat on the bright red crustacean that a waiter was currently disassembling for me. The scene was repeated in front of each of us, James's eyes wide as he watched the sweet meat piled onto his plate. I voiced my concerns, drawing a good natured laugh from the rest of the table. Oscar grinned, "I think you'll manage just fine, besides, there's chocolate cake for dessert."

Liz leaned over from her chair, smiling as she whispered. "You could always ask Will to loosen your corset for you, I'll distract Oscar if you two need to slip away."

"That's alright." I shook my head, looking across the table as Will could barely seem to keep his eye open as his lobster was served. Oscar had insisted on proper seating, with all the men on one side and the ladies on the other. Will and I had shared a look as he had helped me into my seat, it was more than apparent that Oscar wanted to keep James on his toes and not thinking about sitting beside Liz. What Oscar hadn't noticed was the way Liz would position herself to provide a pleasant view of the front of her dress to James, or the way her leg would sometimes slink across to tease him. I had only noticed when my napkin had fallen and had seen it when I leaned down to retrieve it.

Unfortunately I was not able to whisper something to Will with him across from me.

I tried to settle for sly glances, a raised eyebrow and a tilt of my head towards Liz as I started on my lobster. I could see Will's brow furrow, confusion plain on his features. I shook my head, I'd tell him later. By the time chocolate cakes were brought around, I thought that I would die of overeating. But I plowed my way through, a small bite here, a sip of cordial there, and soon enough my plate was clean and my glass was empty.

I could smell the whiskey on Will when he helped me up out of my chair, it was rather comforting. I burrowed into him as we collected our coats and bundled ourselves back into the car. I was full, he was warm and his arm was around me, I couldn't help falling into a drowse against him as we drove home. I mumbled some protest when he got me to my feet, leaning heavily on him as we moved back inside. Oscar insisted that the men retire to the smoking room, to celebrate a truly good dinner with a cigar. Liz and I were more than glad to head up to our rooms, although I did stop with her on her floor. My eyes were heavy as I looked to her, "You know, I saw you and James tonight."

"As if you haven't done more with Will." She rolled her eyes, laughing slightly.

I snorted. "Well, perhaps you shouldn't do it in front of your brother next time."

"I don't often have the occasion to be around James for a very long time, you can't get mad at me for indulging myself a bit."

"Oh, I would never." I raised an eyebrow. "I just can't wait to see Oscar's reaction when I mention that James will need to show off his dancing prowess tomorrow. he can't be embarrassing himself at the wedding, and he will need a partner."

Liz's smile practically reached her ears. "Oh Anastasia, I would love you forever if you did that."

Will and I were smiling as we sat on the settee, watching Liz and James revolve around the parlor. She truly did look happy, and James had gotten better at leading. He had a tender look in his eyes as he looked down at her, but his hands stayed in their proper place. Oscar would have burst out of his chair and hauled him out by his collar if he let his hands slip, not that he didn't look ready to fight him at the moment. His voice was tight. "I think that's enough, he's proven himself in a tango, a polka and a waltz. What more are you planning for the wedding?"

"Oscar, hush." I leaned my head against Will's shoulder, listening to the orchestra blare tinnily through the phonograph. "Let them enjoy this."

"One of them is enjoying it far too much." Oscar groused, but he allowed them a few more moments before getting up and shutting the phonograph off. "That's enough of that, we have to get ready for the theater."

The groans released by Will, James and I were hardly forced. We had all shared the same look at breakfast, drawn and haggard as we all favored the coffee that had been put out. I didn't know what had kept the other two up and moving at the table, but I'd barely managed to keep from falling asleep in my eggs after my dreams. Will in the water, Father in the water, myself in the water, all of us freezing and unable to reach each other or safety. I had spent quite sometime clutching Rigel after I had woken in a cold sweat, hardly caring that he was on the bed. Louise hadn't either, and had actually dusted me with a bit of rouge before sending me down to breakfast. The coffee had helped perk me up, enough to have badgered Oscar into allowing the other couple a dance or three.

"I don't quite know if I can manage the theater, Oscar." Will rubbed at his eyes. "I was hoping to try and catch a bit of nap this afternoon."

"There's time for that." Oscar shrugged, looking to Liz. "Why don't you help Anastasia get ready? I'm sure Mr. Moody is quite capable of getting himself into a suit."

"You don't want her to help him?" I couldn't resist teasing Oscar a bit, the flush on his cheek as he very clearly restrained himself from saying something cruel as he sent the two of us off. In the end Liz and I wound up helping each other into some less formal evening gowns, entirely appropriate for the pantomime she had gotten us tickets for. It was nice to sit with everyone and simply laugh at the jokes, the silly songs and see other people around us just enjoying the show. It was hard to dread the dreams that were haunting me when everyone was laughing and smiling.

Chapter Text

Liz and Oscar truly did their best the day before the anniversary of the sinking. Carriage rides in the park, another large dinner with ice cream and dancing to rags in the parlor once we were home, they really did everything they could to try and help us feel better. It actually hurt to see Oscar so dearly trying to get Will and I to join in the fun, and my steps when Oscar pulled me into a rag were slow and clumsy. He gave my hand a squeeze, "Come on now, I know you can dance better than that."

I looked down, trying to focus on the steps. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to apologize, I just want you to be happy, Anastasia." He spun me around quicker and quicker. "I know it's a hard time, but I don't want you to focus on it. I want you to be happy." He leaned a bit closer, his voice whispering. "You know that's what Gareth would have wanted too, he was never the type to dwell on the sadness. Don't disappoint him, and me. I just want you to smile, just a little smile. For me, please?"

The corners of my lips twitched up, especially when Oscar's hands began to lightly tickle my sides. "That's cheating."

"It got you to smile, didn't it?" Oscar chuckled, settling the two of us down onto a pair of chairs. Liz and James were still dancing as the phonograph in the parlor turned over to another song, but Will reached over for my hand. He'd been quiet all day, somber in the carriage, even when I had convinced Oscar to come join us and let Liz and James have a carriage to themselves. I had thought he would have found it funny to see Oscar fume as the two of them began to sit a bit closer to each other, especially when our carriage fell behind them and they were lost to our sight. Oscar had probably played up his anger to try and entertain us, but it still hadn't worked.

"Will," I squeezed his hand. "Do you want to head up?" I saw his nod from the corner of my eye, and the two of us made our good nights to the others. I embraced Oscar, my voice low. "Thank you for today."

He returned my hug. "I just wish I could have done better." He didn't give me a chance to respond, haranguing Liz to leave James for a moment and come bid me good night. I embraced her and then James, and stood close to Will as we made our way up the stairs. Every flight seemed to take an hour to climb, and he kept hold of my hand all the while.

I turned to him when we came to the landing, pressing my head to his shoulder. "It's just one night."

"It was." He brought an arm up to hold me closer. "One night that will stay with me forever."

"We'll have so many more to replace it."

"There's no replacing it, Ana. We're going to have to live through it, every year. Any time we get mentioned, so will that night." His voice was bitter and cold, but he pressed me to him. "No matter how many nights I have with you, no matter how many years, we will always have to have that night. It's a part of us."

"So we should learn to live with it, instead of dread it." I threw my arms around his shoulders, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "It will seem so much brighter in the morning."

Will's voice was a whisper. "But the night is so dark." He stepped away at that, and I could hear Reggie speaking to him when he entered his rooms.

Louise was waiting for me, a cup of hot chocolate and a shot of whiskey with it. She smiled as she held both out. "I thought you might need it tonight, Miss Dalian." I took the whiskey first, tossing it back and hissing as it burned its way down my throat.

"Thank you, Louise." I took the hot chocolate next, nursing it as she quickly stripped me out of my clothes and into a bath. I detected Peggy's hand in the bath, the smell of lavender redolent. I tried to let it calm me, leaning back and closing my eyes. I focused on the smell, the warmth, all the comfort that the people around me were trying to provide. But I knew it would be of little help, not when all I could remember was Ezekiel coming in a day ago to say that he had sent Morgan to Mother because Mr. Rigby had called in a panic. Mother had become withdrawn, not eating, and he needed help if she was to make it through in some semblance of reasonableness. Ezekiel had apologized, saying that he would have stayed but that Abe was headed out and he'd missed too many trips. He'd left me with a hug and a promise to call on me the moment he returned.

The only company in my rooms, once I had dried off and been draped in a soft nightgown, was Rigel. He'd been my constant companion recently, and I often woke up with him laying beside my bed, my hand dangling over and barely touching him. He came over now, his tongue out and ready to give me a kiss. I ruffled his ears when he came to his spot on the rug beside my bed. "You ready for bed, boy?" He settled down, but he was tall enough that I was able to keep petting him until I rolled back onto my sheets. I dreaded sleep, but I knew it would come.

And it did.

I stared up the side of the ship, watching Will as he directed our boat down. I didn't even hear Lowe shoot, and when I turned I didn't recognize anyone. Just blurry figures rowing us farther away. I struggled to the stern, still looking at Will. He was looking down to me, and I felt myself freeze when I saw Father at his side. A great groan came from the ship, and she slipped farther under. The movement jostled everyone, and I watched as those two figures hurtled over the railing and into the water.

"Stop!" I yelled, and the boat stilled. I could see them, white water around their arms as they struggled to the surface. I reached over, my hands grasping for any part of them, a hand, a finger, anything that I could use to pull them in. They were close now, their faces pale and I watched as Father's arms slowed. I was screaming as he slipped below the surface, and Will didn't make it much farther. But I could still see both of them, just under the surface.

The boat shifted under me as I leaned over the gunwale, reaching for either of them. I tried to ignore the pain when my fingers broke through the calm water, the needles that stabbed themselves into my fingertips. Then my wrists. Then my arms. I had almost grasped Will's hand when the boat shifted, throwing me into the water. I kept my eyes open, everything foggy as I tried to get my bearings. But I could still see Will and Father, bubbles slipping from frozen lips as they sank father from me.

And then the bubbles were coming from my own lips as I screamed and screamed.

"Anastasia!" I shot upright, my throat raw and the sheets twisted around me, sending Peggy stumbling away from my bed. The only sounds in my room were my breathing, the ticking of the clock and Rigel's whining. Peggy slowly approached the bed again. "Shhh, Miss, it's alright."

I was almost panting, my heart racing. "I'm sorry Peggy, I didn't mean to-"

"You can't exactly control it." She ran a hand through my hair, what wasn't braided over my back. "Why not let the dog up, just for tonight?" She turned to Rigel, patting the bed and sending him up next to me. "Give me a moment, I'll be right back." My breathing had calmed by the time she returned, although I was practically wrapped around Rigel. I only let him go when I saw the bottle she was carrying. "I think a brandy is allowed tonight."

I greedily grabbed for the bottle, taking a long swallow. "Thank you."

"I said 'a brandy'." She snatched the bottle back. "As in from a glass, really, Miss." She kept the bottle as she grabbed a glass from my vanity, filling it with a few fingers. "Drink this, and try to remember that they're just dreams. They're not real." I nodded, sipping at the glass until it was empty. Peggy stayed until I was almost asleep, brushing her hand down my shoulder until she felt I was soothed enough.

But not even Rigel could stop the nightmares.

Liz had really outdone herself, the church was festooned and garlanded within an inch of its life with forget-me-nots and peach roses. Silk ribbon twisted itself around every pew, and every scrap of wood had been polished and waxed. The carpet running down the center aisle was red as blood, freshly cleaned and brushed. I sighed as I looked into the mirror in the antechamber that had been given over as a bridal suite for the day.

After helping me into my gown and dressing my hair, the other bridesmaids had fluttered off and left me to myself. I smiled at myself in the mirror, my cheeks rosy and skin clear. My sapphire necklace glittered in the light, warm under my glove from the heat of my skin. My gown itself seemed to glow, the light making the silk gleam and shine. I couldn't help the smile on my face, simply glad that this day had come.

A knock sounded on the door, "Anastasia, are you decent?"

"Yes." I called over my shoulder, feeling my heart swell as Father walked in. I stood to embrace him, glad that he had recovered somewhat. His memory was still not the best, but he at least didn't have to have Mother prompt him every day. I brushed at his lapels, ash under my fingers. "Father, celebrating already? I can smell the champagne, you know."

"It's not every day your daughter gets married." He chuckled, pulling my hands up and kissing them. "Would you really begrudge your poor old father a bit of joy?"

I laughed, "You know I wouldn't, but how can you make it to the reception if you celebrate yourself into exhaustion before its even started?"

He shook his head, his hazel eyes light. "Then we had best get you down the aisle, everyone's waiting."

"Will has waited long enough," I turned, searching. "He can wait a few more minutes while I find my bouquet."

"Anastasia, what are you talking about?" The joviality had left Father's voice.

I looked back to him, reminding myself to be patient. His memory may have recovered somewhat, but he still had his moments. "William Murdoch, Father, my fiancé. You know William, remember?"

"I've never met anyone named William, let alone your fiancé." He stepped forward, and I was suddenly reminded of how tall he was. "You're marrying Oscar, he's waiting for you."

I pursed my lips. "Father, we met William on the Titanic, remember? He was the first officer, we had luncheon on the first day and you gave him permission to come courting later. You even gave him cigars after he proposed." How could he have forgotten about William? William, who had gotten all of us into a boat when we had struck the iceberg. William, who had found us on the Carpathia and had clung to me like I had been the deck chair he had clung to until a boat had gotten him. Will, who I had spent an entire night awake with when the dreams became too much. I twisted my hands together. "Father, please, I know you have trouble sometimes but please, please remember him."

His face fell as I spoke, and the hand that took mine was far too gentle. "Oh, my dear, I know you've tried hard to convince yourself that he made it off. And I have had people looking, Southampton, Scotland, anywhere that he could have turned up, but we've never seen hide nor hair of him"

I couldn't even summon the strength to pull my hand from his, feeling my heart twist and my lips begin to quiver. "You're confused, he's waiting for me. I bought him a uniform for the wedding, for God's sake!" My voice was harsh and I saw Father flinch slightly. "He calls me Ana! You're lying, he's waiting for me!"

"No, he's not." Father was firm now, and he gripped my hand tightly. "Oscar is waiting for you, he loves you and has been patient while I've indulged you in this fantasy, but enough is enough. You need to stop living in this dream of yours." I felt tears in my eyes, and I clapped my hands over them. I leaned into Father as he pulled me to him. "I'm sorry child, truly, but it's time. Now, give me a smile. Just a little smile."

I woke with the sheets twisted around me, my skin clammy and Rigel pawing at me. I shoved him away, my face in my hands as sobs began to wrench their way out. Was that what it would have been, if Father had lived? I wouldn't have had Will? Not Will, not Rigel, not James, just the life that I had been living before. I couldn't even temper my voice as I cried loudly, feeling the sobs tear themselves out of me with a violence that was shocking. Rigel whined, trying to force his face close to mine. I tried to control myself, I truly did, especially when Peggy came back in. But there was no soothing this, the pain that had seemed to have taken up residence in my heart and refused to leave. I couldn't describe how it felt, what exactly I was crying over, whether it was grief over Father or fear of what could have been. It hardly mattered, not when I could brely breathe and wound up shoving my way out of Peggy's arms and rushing for the toilet.

William Murdoch sat in the leather upholstered chair in his sitting room, a bottle of whiskey in his hand and his eyes on the fire. He'd built it himself, he wasn't going to ring for a servant right now. He took a long pull of the liquor, hoping that it would calm his mind. He knew that tonight was going to be rough, how could it not be? A year since the sinking, and the papers had made sure he remembered it. Every morning when he had read the news he'd seen articles about it, and the reporters seemed to revel in it when discussing the trial.

But even they couldn't have imagined what he'd dreamed.

He was back on deck, the weight of the Webley both familiar and strange at the same time. He knew how to shoot, he had to prove his marksmanship for the Reserves at least every other year, but he never kept a pistol on him normally. But it was necessary now, with the crowd of men trying to rush past the line of deckhands holding them back. Hell, even Wilde was holding them back, a morale booster for the men to see their Chief Officer holding the line with then. His breath came in short bursts, both collapsible wouldn't fit all of these men. There'd be fighting, and he knew he'd have to do something.

Women and children, that was what he was to look for. But every time he looked back to the crowd it was just men, but his duty was to see the others off first. How as he going to do it though? He obviously couldn't ask them to respect his orders, that time had past. So all he could do was hold his gun on them, using the threat of it to keep them in line. How well that would work once the collapsible was in the falls though, he didn't know.

"Almost ready, sir!" A seaman called out from behind him, and he turned his head back for just a moment to see the boat being lifted into the davit. But then there was movement out of the corner of his eye, and his reaction frightened even him. He whipped back around, seeing the figure that had rushed past the line and the gun discharged.

Her brown eyes were wide as her fingers brushed the bloody hole in her stomach. "Will?"

"Ana, oh God." He took a step towards her, but she moved back. Unbalanced, she fell over the railing into the water. There was no splashing of her trying to recover her balance, and he practically threw himself into the water after her. It was bloody, and somewhat lit from the lights in the ship that had sunk below the water, but he couldn't find her. She was sinking, blonde hair dark and floating around her like a crown, and he dove after her. If he could reach her, touch her, it would be alright. He'd die with her, and even when he went down to Hell he knew she'd ascend.

He could only hope that she'd talk the Almighty into taking mercy on him, but he had to reach her.

Will shook himself from his thoughts as a thud against his door roused him. More than likely it was just a servant, perhaps Peggy. He'd already heard her head to Ana's room once, her voice worried as she spoke quietly to herself. It had taken far too much of his strength to not force the door and see her, but he gripped the bottle tighter. They were to see tonight through on their own, he couldn't go to her without being banished from the house. But there was that thud again, something large throwing itself against the door. He groaned as he stood, opening it and admitting a rather frantic Rigel.

Will knelt down, looking closely at the dog. "Easy boy, easy." But Rigel was whining, clearly unsettled and twisting himself around his legs. He was almost herding him towards the door, and when Will looked outside he could see the door to Ana's room open wide. He let the dog push him onwards, moving through the dark sitting room and finding Peggy almost collapsed on Ana's bed, her face in her hands. Will tried to keep his voice calm, but he couldn't stop his tongue. "What the bloody hell is going on? The dog's all bothered, Peggy what is it?"

It wasn't that he hated the housekeeper, she was a very kind woman and had done much for him, but she knew that himself and Ana had needed each other right after the sinking, and yet she had forbidden him knowing what was coming. Her voice was tremulous when she spoke, "It's Miss Anastasia, William. She's crying hard enough that she's been sick and there's nothing I can do. She won't tell me why and even the dog can't get her to stop." She shook her head. "I can't fix this, but maybe you can. Stay in her rooms again, I don't care. Just make her stop crying." Peggy closed her eyes as a wail came from the bathroom, one that would have Marley hang up his ghostly chains in shame that he could not capture such pain. "It's breaking my heart."

Will glanced towards the bathroom, "I'll do what I can. Go back to bed." Peggy almost ran from the room, and Will turned his feet towards the sobs that were coming in an almost constant chorus. He could hear the click of claws as Rigel followed him, and he had to pause for a moment to take in the sight that greeted him. Ana had practically collapsed on the cold tile floor, her shoulders shaking from the force of her grief. Peggy had clearly tried to do her best, a number of handkerchiefs had been piled by her, a blanket thrown over her shoulders and he could see the marks of sickness on a towel by her.

He couldn't help but groan as he sat down next to her, slowly wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to him. He didn't try to speak for awhile, simply letting her cry into his chest for awhile. He remembered what his mother had done when he was upset, and gently began to rock her gently as he shushed her. "It's alright, it's alright. I'm here, we're safe. Shhhh, I've got you."

Her voice was muffled by where her face was shoved into his pajamas. "But you, you were gone and Father-"

"A nightmare, nothing more." He pulled her in tighter, not wanting to hear what she had tortured herself with. "I've had my own tonight."

She was quiet for a moment. "What was it?"

"I'd prefer not to say." He pressed a kiss to her brow, his lips still pursed after he pulled away. Sharing nightmares was not something he wanted to do. "Now, let's get you off the floor." It took him a moment to arrange her to where he could lift her up, carrying her to the bed and getting her settled with the blanket still around her. Ana managed to stay upright, sitting stiffly as Rigel jumped up on the bed and worked on shoving himself into her arms.

He felt a small smile break across his face as she hugged him briefly for a moment. "I don't want to go back to sleep, Will."

"Neither do I." He ruffled Rigel's ears. "The library?"

"And something to drink." Ana takes his arm, "Something stronger than brandy."

"Or whiskey," Will helped her get started up the stairs. "I think I saw some vodka in one of the sitting rooms, I'll go get it." Ana sat in a chair, pressing her fingers to her temples and still sniffling a little as he stepped out. He made sure Rigel stayed with her, knowing that he would at least provide some form of comfort. It was while he was looking into the various sitting, smoking and drawing rooms for the liquor that he heard another set of footsteps. He paused in the darkness, looking out. "James?"

"William?" The footsteps came towards him, and he could make out the younger man's features in the gloom now. "You're awake too?"

"As is Ana, we were going to have a few drinks in the library. Care to join us?" Will knew that all three of them would not be getting anymore sleep that night, and was not surprised when the James nodded. Between the two of them they managed to collect that fabled bottle of vodka, whiskey, brandy and half a decanter of sherry. Plenty enough to get well and truly drunk. He called out softly when he came back to the library. "Found this one up too, he couldn't sleep either."

Ana looked up from where she had been petting Rigel. "Nightmares?"

"Quite bad ones." James sat down, and Will passed around glasses that he had brought. He filled them full, there was no reason to try and appear measured at the moment James could hardly lift his eyes from his glass. "I don't want to sleep anymore tonight."

"Me either." Ana sipped at hers, hissing at the burn. "I just want to stay awake." She took another swallow, not hissing at the burn on her second go at it. "Or at least forget what I dreamed about so I don't think about it."

"I'll drink to that." Will took a healthy swallow. What passed was not three tortured souls sharing their terrible tales, but rather three exhausted friends who were simply glad for each other's company on a rough night. Will hardly let himself go a minute without touching Ana in some way, and eventually the three of them settled onto the floor. Cushions were grabbed from settees, not only from this room but from several others. With blankets, they had quite the comfortable nest to see the night through. None of them commented that the night passed entirely while they were drinking, and that it was only when dawn was breaking that they fell asleep.

Morning, and a worried Oscar, found them curled up on the floor. Will had his arms around Ana, who was pressed tightly to his chest, and James had his back pressed against Will's. Rigel had settled around Ana's other side, although seeing Oscar come in his tail began to wag. Oscar let out a sigh of relief seeing the three of them, Anastasia's housekeeper had come to him when she hadn't found her or Will in their beds. And then Liz had been worried that James wasn't down at breakfast either.

It appeared all three had decided to get completely plastered, judging by the multiple empty bottles on one of the tables. Oscar couldn't begrudge them that, not with the sinking having been last night. Hell, he'd had more than a few drinks himself. So instead of kicking James awake, he leaned down and shook his shoulder. "You need to get up." The younger man groaned and rolled away, throwing his arm around William's waist. The Scotsman grumbled, but hardly seemed to care. Oscar shook his head, "You all need to get up."

The first one to open their eyes as Anastasia, although she quickly shut them again. "Oscar, leave."

"No, you're all expected down at breakfast."

She paled. "Just the thought of food is making me sick, get out."

"Anastasia," Oscar chuckled, walking to the windows. "I know a hangover when I see one." He threw back the curtains, bringing in a flood of light that immediately had the other two awake and shifting away from where it was falling on them. "Now, food will help with that."

"Vanderbilt, I swear." Will sat up, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he put his hand over them. "Close the damn drapes!" The lack of movement seemed to bother him, and he rolled over to stage whisper to Ana. "Set the dog on him so he closes the drapes, I feel like I'm going to be sick if they stay open."

Oscar was about to reply, but seeing his sister race into the room made him hold his tongue. She was immediately on the floor by James, feeling his cheek and looking him in the eye. "James, what happened?"

Oscar could see the man searching for words when Will cut in. "We all wound up having nightmares last night, if you must know." Oscar would have snapped at him about the sharp tone he was taking with his sister, but held his tongue. "So we decided to not go back to sleep, at least for awhile."

James spoke quietly, his eyes barely open. "I was so cold, I thought I was back in the water and then I couldn't feel my feet when I woke up."

"Oh, James." Liz whispered, throwing her arms around him and peppering him with kisses. Oscar pretended not to notice the way Anastasia buried herself against Will, and the way he hugged her to him. He wound up gently prodding all of them up and downstairs, and when Anastasia and Will both declared they wanted a nap and took off hand in hand, he could only thank his lucky stars that it wasn't Liz dragging James off.

Chapter Text

The days after the anniversary were easier to deal with, if not better. I visited Mother and Morgan, both of them rather testy after apparently having decided to drink a good deal of sherry the day of the sinking. Not that I blamed them, although I wished I could have joined in. Peggy had locked the liquor away after finding the mess we had made of the library and I had been lucky to get a glass of wine with dinner for the past few nights. It had been a short visit, for the Vanderbilts were finally being summoned back to their own house.

Liz was rather teary when bidding James goodbye, "Oh, I just don't know what to do."

"It's not as if you're not seeing him before he leaves again." Oscar grumbled, watching as their car was loaded. "You know Father wants to have him over for dinner before then."

"I know, I know." Liz repeated, pressing one last kiss to James's cheek before climbing into the car. She had managed to stop herself from crying, but she was gazing after James as the driver started up.