Archive of Our Own ^beta

This was the right choice. It had to be. 

Partner’s always right. Just trust partner. Everything’s going to be fine. 

So when she wanted to kill herself changing the name and profile picture on her secret WIRE account, she just trusted her partner. 

When she was looking at herself in the mirror, she wanted to throw herself off a cliff. She just trusted her partner. 

Shiika. 

That’s who she was. Right?

She wasn’t blind. She noticed that near the end of their journey, χ tried to distance herself from her partner. But she physically couldn’t. Something changed between them. 

Her phone rang. χ. Right, she could still call them from the Metaverse-Es. 

She picked it up, and χ’s voice flooded through. 

“Gin!”

And god, it felt so damn good to hear someone call her that. 

“C-Come on, χ. You know that’s not who I am.”

She was lying through her damn teeth. She knew it. χ knew it. 

“…Are you happy?”

No. Absolutely not. 

“Of course. Partner was right, I just needed to face reality.”

χ sighed, and she knew she wasn’t convincing her. She wasn’t convincing anyone. 

“Gin, I know that you’re not happy like this. I did some research in Redo. There are a lot of words for people like you!”

“Like… me? No, partner was rig-”

“Screw my former Soul Partner!” χ yelled, and she was stunned silent. χ took a couple breaths. “Gin… you know you’re not a girl.”

“But I didn’t feel right as a boy either! So, clearly, I’m the problem!”

“Like I said, I did research. Did you know there are lotsa words out there? Like Agender or Non-binary. Honestly, I don’t think there are meant to be any binaries at all. If you’re not vibing with one or the other, just take the parts you do like! 

“…χ… I’m fine. I’m fine, I promise. Don’t worry about me.”

“I… I know you’ve been listening to my songs a lot. And y’know, when you listen to my songs, I can feel your emotions. You’re not fine. You’re hurting. So much. It’s horrible. I get this twisting feeling whenever you’re anywhere near that… that bastard.”

“Who?”

“Who else? My former Soul Partner. I wish anyone else would have walked onto that train. That bastard is… a horrible person, to say the least.”

“Partner just wants what’s best for me-”

“No. No, my former Soul Partner doesn’t want what's best for you. That… that asshole wants you to fit into a box with a pretty little ribbon, no matter how much it’s killing you.”

“It’s not killing me, χ.”

“Then why were you staring at that knife before I called you?”

“Th-That’s kinda creepy. And I was just thinking of making something to eat.”

“You were? Or were you thinking of cutting your wrist?”

“…That’s really creepy. But I promise you, I’m fine.”

“Stop lying to me, Gin. You’re not a girl, you’re not a boy, and you know this. Please, please just listen to yourself. Just… don’t let someone else define you.”

A finger hovered over the end call button. 

“I need to go.”

“Wait, Gi-!”

The button was slammed, and the phone was thrown across the room. 

The screen had probably cracked, but who the hell cares?

Her partner’s voice fell into her head. 

You shouldn’t be ashamed of being a woman. 

The phone rang again. 

And again. 

And again. 

And again!

She put a pillow over her ears to try to drown it out, but it was still clear as day in her mind. 

Shiika’s body started to shake, and god, she was crying. 

Wait… no. Gin was shaking. He was crying. 

χ was right. This was killing him. 

And he bolted across the room and picked up the phone. No cracks, luckily.

χ again. Good. 

He accepted the call, and her voice flooded through the phone. 

“Gin! Are you-?!”

“I’m fine. Physically, at least. You were right.”

“What?”

“I’m not a girl. Or a guy. That’s all I know.”

χ’s voice lightened. 

“You sound sure! I just want you to be happy, Gin. Gender is stupid.”

“You’re damn right it is.”

“And my former Soul Partner’s a jackass.”

“I wouldn’t go that far…”

“I’ll go that far for you. I trusted that bastard, but I shouldn’t have.”

“χ, partner was just doing wha-”

“Don’t try to defend that asshole. Just don’t. It’s obvious that it’s killing you. I kept saying to apologize, to tell you that we shouldn’t have said that and that we were wrong, but…”

“Y-You really did that?”

“Of course I did! I didn’t realize that my Soul Partner was such a bigot until then. So we’re just gonna forget about that jackass. I mean, the rest of the club’s also been trying to distance themselves from the prez. I told them what happened and they’re all upset now.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. Let’s let that asshole die alone, and let’s move on properly, okay? Let’s start with reintroductions. Hi, I’m χ!”

Gin was smiling so hard it hurt, but he really didn’t care. He felt good. Really good.

“I’m Gin Noto. Nice to meet you, χ.”