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English
Series:
Part 85 of it could've started like this...
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Published:
2021-12-04
Words:
556
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1/1
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all this hope

Summary:

It could've helped when Elizabeth brought replicators to Atlantis.

or, they're all feeling a little raw.

Notes:

all stories in this series are independent of one another. see series notes for more info. also on tumblr.

Work Text:

“You should get some sleep, McKay,” John says, and Rodney flinches as John claps him on the shoulder. “Let Zelenka take over for a bit.”

There’s some logic to that. Trying to process the work the Replicators are doing is making him dizzy—they’re going so fast and doing so much, each of them individually and all of them combined that he barely has it in him to make sure it’s safe. But Radek needs to be in the ZPM Room, monitoring the power levels in the city.

He would say as much, but John’s hand is still on his shoulder, kneading gently, pleasant and distracting and sending alarm bells ringing through Rodney’s entire body.

“And what about you, Sheppard?” he asks, turning to face John. John’s hand stays where it is, moving casually with the new angle.

John grimaces, his eyes flicking between the various monitors. “I tried,” he says, but his tone is dubious and Rodney’s pretty sure John hasn’t even eaten.

“Yeah,” Rodney says, letting himself lean into John’s hand. “That’s what I thought.”

The muscles are working in John’s jaw and Rodney doesn’t know when that’s become such a familiar sight, when he’s allowed himself to start watching John so closely. It’s natural, now, second-hand and dangerous, and he wants to reach out and touch, run his finger’s over John’s skin and soothe the ache there.

He says, “I wasn’t sure you’d ever forgive me.”

John frowns at him, his gaze focused and intense. “What are you talking about?”

“Back when we were losing her—back when I activated the nanites,” Rodney says, the words pouring out of him. “I didn’t think you’d forgive me if I did it, but I was sure you wouldn’t forgive me if I let her die without doing anything. I was sure you wouldn’t forgive yourself, either. It was an impossible situation—you’re always going on about trying, even if it’s impossible or improbable and I had to try. And then you did forgive me, or at least—you said you did. I think you did. But I’m not—I’m not sure I can forgive myself. Not until I make this right.”

“Rodney,” John says, his fingers tight on Rodney’s shoulder.

Rodney’s hyper-aware of John’s focus, of Ronon in the corner, of the Replicators on the other side of the observation window, but he can’t stop himself.

“And now—I have a chance to fix it, to repair at least some of that damage. To give Elizabeth another chance. But—What if this doesn’t work? What if she doesn’t want to stay? What if Woolsey won’t let her?”

John shifts, his hand sliding up to grip tightly at the back of Rodney’s neck and Rodney stops, the words drying up on his tongue.

What if all this hope is for nothing? he doesn’t say, but he can see it in John’s face, in the tightness around his eyes, the tension in his jaw.

“It’s always worth it,” John says, his voice soft, almost hoarse.

Rodney has a moment to think about that, to see John’s eyes skip around his face, to see the determined pull of his lips, to think Oh and Yes before John’s kissing him.

John’s right, Rodney thinks, reaching out to hold John there, to bring him closer—trying is always worth it.

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