Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Prologue

She walked out of L-Corp into the blinding sunlight.  People pushed past her as she wandered the sidewalks in a daze.

Go back to Kaznia, Alex had said.  Make sure you weren’t seen.  

She knew that woman Eve would tell him about her visit to L-Corp.  And he would be furious.  Despite his kindness towards her, she could tell he was a man who was used to being obeyed.

But she couldn’t go back.  Not yet.  Not when America was so… enticing.

She had thought it would be grim.  Babylon, he had called it.  A cesspool of greed and waste.  He had pointed out the people in dirty clothes sleeping in doorways, ignored like garbage.  And rats scrabbling in alleys, feasting on unspoiled food that could have fed thousands.  

He had also made her take a job as a waitress, so she could understand what it was like to serve, what it was like to be leered at, what it was like to do meaningless work.

And yet… 

The glass towers of National City reached to the sky, their crystalline beauty unimaginable to someone who had only known the crumbling concrete blocks of Kaznia.  And the streets pulsed with energy.  There were lights everywhere, music everywhere, people everywhere.  They talked on their phones and walked their dogs and chased after their children in the parks.  

They were the proletariat.  But they weren’t embittered.  Even the waitresses at the restaurant were trying to better themselves.  One was going to something called “community college,” another saving up to buy a car, another an actress who worked shifts when she wasn’t auditioning for plays.  It was hard work, and they weren’t paid enough.  But they had dreams.

And then there was Lena.

She had always wondered who this Lena was, this person whom Alex was so disappointed with, who seemed to loom so large in his mind.  

She had assumed that Lena was a monster:  a thief, a usurper, a capitalist who perpetuated the pursuit of consumption at the expense of all else.  Her wealth had been built on the exploitation of workers, on the destruction of nature.  Her hands were stained with blood.

Or were they?

Sitting on the sofa in Kara Danvers’s apartment, leafing through the journal she had found, she had begun to doubt.

There had been a few articles tucked away in its pages.  One said that Lena was trying to turn her company into a “force for good.”  And that by doing so, Lena hoped to make amends for her family’s crimes.

Crimes committed by Alex.

He had told her that he’d been imprisoned for fighting an unjust system, but the article said he was a fanatic who had tried to turn the sun red to stop Superman.  A murderer who killed for his own enjoyment.

Could it be?  

But then, if America was as corrupt as he had said, of course its intelligentsia would smear him with their lies.  

There was no way for her to tell.

A lump formed in her throat as she realized how little she knew about anything, how alone she was.

Then she had turned the article over again and found herself staring at a photograph of Lena.

Lena had looked back at her with cool, intelligent eyes.  Her skin looked as pure as new snow, and her delicate features promised, like the green light at the end of the dock, a finer world, one full of beauty and hope.  And her lips...  

She had felt a stirring deep inside, a desire to touch those lips with her own, to feel the softness of Lena’s skin, to run her fingers through that dark, shining hair…

She had not understood these sudden, uncomfortable feelings, but she had decided that she had to meet Lena.  Because, it could not be a coincidence that Lena Luthor and Kara Danvers were friends.

Two Kryptonians, two Luthors.  Why?

Lena, she realized as she had closed the journal, held the key to this mystery.  Because if she could see with her own eyes that Lena - despite her beauty - was cruel and evil… then, Alex must be telling the truth.

So she had gone over to Kara Danvers’s dresser and picked out a cardigan, and had looked around the apartment and found a pair of glasses.  They dulled her vision but she had grown excited as she put them on, seeing how indistinguishable she looked from Kara Danvers.  Lena would and would not be able to recognize her.

Then she had made her way to L-Corp, breezing by the security desk with a wave.  She knew that Lena allowed Kara Danvers to visit whenever she wished; reading that journal had been like stealing a part of Kara Danvers’s soul.  Thoughts, feelings, memories; they were all hers now too.  

Still, she had not been prepared to see Lena in person.  She had been completely mesmerized, watching her from across the lobby.

The photograph had not captured how wonderful Lena’s perfume smelled, as fresh as a morning in early spring, nor how elegantly Lena carried herself, her back as straight as a birch tree, her movements lithe and fluid, her dark blue blouse and black skirt accentuating the graceful lines of her body.  

How could anyone be so enchanting?

She wanted to trap Lena against the wall and run her teeth over Lena’s neck and mark that milk-white skin…

Then she noticed that Lena had finished her conversation, and quickly followed her into the elevator.

Her heart had thumped in her ears as Lena’s green eyes had sparkled at her, full of surprise, then affection.  And Lena’s voice had a lilt to it, a lightness that she hadn’t expected.  

Then Eve had interrupted them, sending Lena away.

But she was not afraid of Eve.  And now she was growing more suspicious.  What had Eve been doing there anyway?  Why did Eve also work for Lena?  

She had so many questions:  about capitalism, about Alex, about Supergirl.  

She had to see Lena again.  As soon as possible.

Chapter Text

Lena got home from work just after nine, ready to collapse.

After she had sorted out the situation in Lab C, her investment committee meeting had run over.  And she was still preoccupied, thinking about what she should do about one of L-Corp’s portfolio companies that had bet it all on a biologic that had failed its Phase II trial.  The science behind it had been sound, and she was baffled.  Should they double down and redesign the trial?  Or should she pull the plug, forcing the company to shut down and lay off all its people? 

She needed a sounding board and wished that Sam weren’t three time zones away.  Sam saw the world the same way she did, with her pragmatic, business-oriented mind.  And she also understood, and had empathy for, the situations Lena had to navigate.

Unlike James.

Lena set down her bag and kicked off her stilettos, and headed to the kitchen to pick out a bottle of wine.  

James had frustrated her when they had first started working together, his insistence on doing things his way at CatCo a clear sign of an unmanageable employee.  But over time, she had started to see that stubbornness as strength, and she had been grateful for his support, as she had been for Kara’s, when she had been dealing with Morgan Edge’s assasination attempts and Supergirl’s paranoia.  She had felt protected when he held her in his muscular arms, or when she had felt his weight next to her - or on top of her - in bed.  

So it hadn’t come as a surprise when James had told her that he was Guardian; his instinct, which she applauded, was to fight for others when no one else would.  But he also seemed idealistic to the point of being naïve, thinking that he could talk the Children of Liberty out of being extremists, or that Supergirl would welcome learning that she could make kryptonite, or that he could expect the courts to excuse his vigilantism when he had so plainly broken the law.

And so they fought.  A lot.  It was respectful, even cerebral - they rarely raised their voices - but because she didn’t want to argue about everything, she kept secrets from him:  her attempts to help Sam, her deal with the D.A., her experiments with the Harun-El.  He usually came around to her point of view, but there was this feeling that she couldn’t shake, that his love for her was conditional, that one day she wouldn’t be able to convince him, and that day, he would leave.  

It was exhausting second-guessing herself all the time.  And their last fight had laid bare their differences.  And although she knew they could probably get past it, she also knew it wasn’t working.

She sighed and uncorked a bottle of Burgundy and poured herself a glass, swirling it around so it could open up.

Game night would be awkward for a while.  But by breaking up now, before she resented him, she hoped they could stay friends. 

She pulled out her phone.

[Lena Luthor, 9:18pm]  Can we talk please?

He called immediately.

“Lena?  What’s up?  You ok?”

Lena leaned against the counter.  James was a good man.  For a moment, she wondered if she should keep trying.  But with everything going on at L-Corp, she just didn’t have the energy to pour into a relationship that required so much work.

“Well… no,” she said apologetically.  “Do you want me to come to you?  This might be a better conversation in person.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” 

James was calm, but she could hear the hurt in his voice.

“James, please.  I care about you… let’s not do this over the phone.”

But then James chuckled.

“Nah, it’s all good,” he said.  “We’re not meant for each other, I know it too.  You’re an amazing woman, and I hope you find someone who makes you happy.  I’m gonna go for a run.  Let’s get coffee in a couple days.”

“I… that would be great,” Lena said, taken aback by his complete agreement.  “Uh, have a good run.”  

“Have a good night.  Bye Lena.”

They hung up and Lena took a sip of wine, holding it in her mouth before she swallowed it.  

She had expected James would be much more upset, even digging his heels in to fight for them.  But maybe the business with the D.A. had also pushed him over the edge.

Then her phone rang in her hand.

“Ms. Luthor, Kara Danvers is here to see you.”

Lena was pleasantly surprised, and also perplexed.  While Kara stopped by all the time, twice in one day was unusual, and Lena could have sworn Kara had said she was going back on vacation.

“Send her up please, Joe.  Thank you.”

Lena smoothed down her skirt and walked over to the entryway. 

A minute later, the elevator opened and there stood Kara, in a crisp white button up and fitted black slacks, carrying a large tote bag, her hair up in a ponytail.

God, she looks good.

Lena had to take a breath.  

She always got butterflies in her stomach when she saw her friend.  There was undeniable chemistry between them - the shy smiles, the teasing that felt like flirting, the hugs that lasted a few moments too long.  But when they had met, Lena had been focused on turning around L-Corp, and a little while later, Kara had started dating Mon-El.

And now, he was the reason that Kara was off-limits.  

It had been excruciating to witness the depth of Kara’s grief after Mon-El had been banished from Earth, knowing that she was solely responsible.  And then Mon-El had reappeared and disappeared, and Lena still didn’t know what had happened.  But Kara had seemed unwilling to talk about it and hadn’t dated anybody since, and Lena could only conclude that she wasn’t over him.

So as usual, Lena ignored her attraction and made a joke.

“Hi Kara.  Couldn’t get enough of me?” 

Kara looked up shyly, playing with her fingers.

“Hi Lena.  Sorry to bother you again… I need your help with something.”  Then she frowned.  “But, you are pale… are you… unwell?”

It had been a long day and Lena realized how tired she must look.

“No… but work was crazy today, and I broke up with James about five minutes ago.  But I’m fine.  Come on in.”

Kara’s expression clouded over.  

“Oh… Lena… I can come back…” 

Kara was so considerate, but Lena shook her head.  “No, really, I’m fine.  And I’m glad you’re here, I could use the company.  Actually, I was about to order dinner… do you want anything?”

All of a sudden, Kara’s eyes lit up like a child’s.  “Big Belly Burger?”

Lena laughed, her mood lifting instantly.

“Sure.  I was going to get a salad, but that sounds like a much better plan...”

She stepped back to let Kara pass, and they walked into the great room.  Lena motioned for Kara to sit on the sofa and called the concierge to get their usual order of burgers, fries, and milkshakes.  Then she brought the wine over and sat down.  

“So, Kara, how can I help?” she said, pouring Kara a glass and handing it to her.

Kara had been running her fingers over the white leather of the sofa, and she glanced up and accepted the wine.  She said hesitantly, “Uh, Lena, I… I was going to ask you about Das Kapital, but if this isn’t a good time, it’s…”

Lena cocked her head, intrigued.  She and Kara talked about nearly everything, but they rarely discussed politics or economics since they both knew they were in opposing camps.

“Why are you reading Marx, Kara?  And cheers,” Lena said, clinking Kara’s glass with her own.  “Are you writing a story or something?”

Kara blinked a few times.

“Uh… yes,” she said.  “I am writing a story… about inequality, and… Snapper… told me to read it, and…”

Lena smiled.  Now she understood.  

She had met Snapper a few times since buying CatCo, and had been impressed by him as a journalist and as an editor, even if he always sent Kara to try to get her to talk on the record about controversial topics like alien amnesty.  

“Let me guess… he sent you here for a quote?”  

Kara looked at her sheepishly, and Lena laughed.  

Kara was lucky that Snapper had taken her under his wing and was challenging her to write hard-hitting stories.  But as much as Lena wanted to help her, inequality was a third rail and there was no way she could comment; she would get crucified no matter what she said.

And she couldn’t resist teasing Kara a little:  asking a billionaire about inequality was a bit on the nose.

“Kara, are you trying to ruin what’s left of my reputation?  I thought we were friends!” 

Kara’s cheeks turned bright red.

“Lena, I… we are friends.  And I am not trying to ruin your reputation,” she protested.  “You do not have to give me a quote.  But… I want to know what you think, because a lot of what Marx said made sense to me.”

Lena giggled.  Kara could be so earnest sometimes.  And Lena could see how Marx might appeal to her, given her bleeding heart, liberal views. 

“Oh no, we can’t have that!” she teased, taking a sip of wine.  “What makes sense?”

Kara fidgeted with her glass, rolling the stem back and forth between her fingers.

“Lena, Marx says that people with capital exploit the value created by people who have to work for wages.  So all the people who work at a factory - they don’t own the products they make, the company does.  And when the products sell, the company takes the profits.  But the worker has already been paid their wages, so they don’t share in the profits.  Is my understanding correct?  And if so, how is that fair?”

She looked at Lena, awaiting a response.  

Lena arched an eyebrow.  Underneath that happy-go-lucky exterior, Kara was as sharp as a tack.  

And Lena loved a good debate.

“Ok, so I think it is fair,” she grinned, setting her glass down on the coffee table and leaning back against the cushions.  “Because Marx doesn’t consider risk.  Wages are mostly guaranteed; they're a contractual obligation and will be paid out as long as a company is solvent.  But profits aren’t a certainty, and if things go poorly, an investor’s equity could be completely wiped out.  So yes, the employee doesn’t share in the profits, but they also don’t have to eat the losses…”

For the next two hours, interrupted only by their food arriving, they talked about capital and labor markets, competition, and political power.  Lena really did believe that capitalism was the only economic system that could enable the advances in medicine and technology that raised the standard of living for everybody, including the very poor.  But Kara wasn’t pulling any punches either, appearing to have large swaths of Das Kapital and the Communist Manifesto memorized, quoting them effortlessly as she kept drilling into Lena’s answers.  

“Das Kapital says:  ‘But in its blind unrestrainable passion, its were-wolf hunger for surplus labor, capital oversteps not only the moral, but even the merely physical maximum bounds of the working day. It usurps the time for growth, development, and healthy maintenance of the body.’  Lena, there are people - like waitresses - who must work multiple shifts to make enough money to live.  Why is that acceptable when their health suffers from working so much?”

“The Communists called for ‘free education for all children in public schools.’  How can a just society tolerate that children - who have equal potential - have unequal access to education?”

“And what about all the waste caused by consumerism?  ‘In place of the old wants, satisfied by the production of the country, we find new wants, requiring for their satisfaction the products of distant lands and climes.’  Goods are imported from the other side of the world only to be discarded, and the environment is being destroyed…”

Lena was having a great time.  Debate was a lot like chess:  she had to think several steps ahead so she wouldn’t get caught in any traps, and it had been a while since she had used her brain this way.  And unlike James, Kara was open and curious, trying to understand her perspectives, even as her excellent questions were making Lena reconsider some of her views.

But Lena also felt thrown off her game.  

The way Kara kept looking at her - those clear blue eyes locked onto hers, gazing at her almost reverently - made Lena feel like she was the only person on the planet, like Kara was trying to see into her soul.  

Something was different tonight, the energy between them more charged.  Was it just the heat of the argument?  Or was Kara finally going to make a move?  

Suddenly the back of her neck was tingling, and Lena became hyper-aware of the sound of her own voice and the paths her hands were tracing through the air as she tried to concentrate on landing her arguments, not on how the thought of being with Kara was making her stomach twist up.

It was a bit soon after James, and the tabloids would probably go into a frenzy and accuse her of cheating on him.  But who cared?  She and Kara had been circling each other forever.  

“Lena?”

Lena snapped back to reality.  

“Uh… sorry… I missed that… what did you say?”

Kara gave her a small smile.

“You have given me a lot to think about.  Thank you for your time,” she said formally as she stood up.  “I should go.” 

Lena felt a pang of disappointment.  Had she been imagining things?  

Maybe her breakup with James was hitting her harder than she had realized.

Oh well.

It was probably for the best.  It was late, and she had a full slate of meetings starting at seven, and anyway, she didn’t want Kara to be a rebound.  In a few weeks, maybe she could see how she felt and ask her out properly.

She stood up to walk Kara to the elevator.

“Of course.  Thanks for stopping by, Kara, this was fun.  We should talk politics more often… although I still can’t believe you’re a Marxist,” she said dryly.  “I’ll have to have a word with Snapper tomorrow about brainwashing my best friend.”

Kara stopped in her tracks.  “Oh no, Lena, please don’t talk to Snapper,” she pleaded.  “You have shown me that Marxism is flawed… but then,” she frowned, “so is capitalism, and everything is much more… complicated than I had thought…”

She looked bewildered all of a sudden.  Then her bottom lip started to quiver and her eyes glistened with tears.  She seemed to be on the verge of breaking down, and Lena didn’t know what was going on.

“Kara, what’s wrong?” she asked.

Kara was silent.

Lena stepped closer and pulled her in.  Kara tensed up when Lena touched her, her chest heaving as she struggled to keep from crying.

Lena hugged her tightly, wanting to comfort her, and Kara let out a shaky breath and rested her head on Lena’s shoulder, her nose tickling Lena’s neck.  They fit perfectly together, and Lena felt another pang, which she quickly dismissed.

“Kara, whatever it is,” she said softly, rubbing her back, “you can tell me… we’ll figure it out together…”

Kara pulled back and looked at Lena through her tears, her eyes so full of pain and longing, Lena could barely breathe.  

“Lena, you are… I wish we…”

Her eyes flicked down and Lena gasped as Kara’s lips were suddenly, finally on hers.  

It felt so good, Lena felt dizzy as Kara’s tongue glided along her bottom lip and thrust into her mouth, making her moan.  

Then Kara abruptly broke away, breathing heavily, her face flushed.  

“Lena… I am sorry… I should not have…”

But all Lena could see were two red ovals, glowing like molten steel.

“Oh my god,” she panted.  “Kara, your eyes…”

Chapter Text

Kara froze, the glow extinguishing instantly. 

Lena stepped back, trying to process.

Ok, Kara is an alien.

That much was apparent.  And honestly, she didn’t care.  She was just surprised; the alien detection prototype must have given a false negative all those years ago.  But she felt badly that Kara hadn’t been comfortable enough to tell her the truth, and that now she had found out by accident.

It didn’t change anything, though.  So what if Kara had heat vision and could fly and…

No.  It can’t be.

Lena’s knees buckled.  She put a hand out to catch herself as she slowly sank down onto the sofa.

It was impossible.

Lena hadn’t forgotten how Supergirl had raked her over the coals for using kryptonite in her efforts to find a cure for Sam.  But although they had arrived at a truce and now had a decent working relationship, the entire episode had left Lena deeply disillusioned.  Supergirl had asked James to break into her private vault.  And she had shown Lena her true colors:  she was thin-skinned, blind to reason, and had a god complex as big as the sky.  

Almost like Lex.

And she was the same person as Kara?

Lena looked up and studied her friend.  It had to be.  Kara was the same height as Supergirl, and had the same blonde hair, classical features, and athletic build.  And now that Lena could see it, she couldn’t unsee it.  How could she have been so blind?

Then Lena became unsettled, remembering how small she had felt that day when Reign had broken out of her lab and everything had gone to hell.  All the goodwill she had worked so hard to build with Supergirl had vanished in an instant.  And not a single person at the DEO had acknowledged that she’d had good intentions in trying to help Sam, or that she hadn’t done anything illegal.  

But… Kara knew her.  Kara was her friend.  Kara should have known she had been trying to do the right thing, even if she had failed… right?

“You’re Supergirl,” she said, still trying to make sense of everything.  “Kara, I… I don’t know what to say.  You said you would always be there for me, but… Supergirl…”

She trailed off, hoping Kara could say something to explain it all away.

But Kara just stood there, mute.  And Lena tried again.  

“Kara?  You went behind my back…”

Kara looked at her with wide eyes, like she had no idea what Lena was talking about.

It was infuriating.

“Do you really have nothing to say to me?” Lena asked pointedly.  

Kara shifted uncomfortably on her feet.

What a coward.  

She didn’t even have the guts to own up to her lies, to her duplicity, now that she had been found out.

Lena shook her head in disgust and stood up.

“Please leave,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady, the dam inside her dangerously close to bursting.  “Before I lose my temper.”

Kara continued to stand there.  

And Lena felt her hackles rise.  

“Did you hear what I said?  Get out!”

She was shaking with anger now.  Her fists were clenching at her sides and she looked down at the floor, trying to get back in control.

Then she heard a soft, lightly accented voice, familiar yet strange.

“Lena… I apologize.  I am not Kara Danvers.”

Lena’s head snapped up.  

“What?” 

Kara seemed different all of a sudden, more innocent somehow, her eyes rounder, her face younger.

“Lena,” she said, looking pained, “I pretended to be Kara Danvers because… I needed to know if capitalism is… evil.”  She bowed her head.  “I should not have come… I am sorry.”

There was a burst of wind and the balcony door was open and she was gone.

Lena awoke from her stupor.

“Wait!” she shouted, running outside.  “Come back!  Who are you?”

She searched the skies, but the alien had disappeared.

And Lena’s head was spinning.  

She had just spent her evening discussing political economy with a being who looked exactly like Kara, and who had kissed her passionately and then flown away.

What the hell was happening?

She needed a drink.  Badly.

Her anger shocked out of her, she went inside and over to the bar.  She poured herself a whiskey and downed it, grimacing as it stung her throat, then poured another and slowly walked back out to the balcony to think.  

“I needed to know if capitalism is evil...”

Why?  

And for the life of her, Lena couldn’t see why anybody would go to such lengths to hear her opinions about that subject.  A billionaire believing in the efficiency of free markets wasn’t exactly news.  

It was also concerning that the alien had been able to meet her in person, twice.  How had she known that Kara would be allowed past security?  Or, for that matter, that they’d had Big Belly Burger on her birthday last year?  Lena never posted anything personal on social media and Kara knew the rules.  Had their phones been hacked?  Was someone watching her?  

Or maybe the alien was Kara after all; maybe Kara was having some sort of psychotic break.  Or maybe she had wanted to make a quick escape and had just lied to get away.

Lena felt tears come to her eyes as she looked out at the skyline.  An hour ago, it never would have occurred to her that Kara could lie to her.  Kara was the one person she had come to count on, to trust implicitly, even more than James or Sam.  

How many times had they talked late into the night in her office, just being there for each other?  Or laughed until they almost cried at game night?  Or watched movies while eating takeout, Kara’s sunniness and easy smiles making Lena feel warm and content and, for once in her life, happy?

Being with Kara had become as natural to her as breathing.  And Lena could now see plainly what she’d never had the courage to admit to herself before:  that she had been in love.  That kiss was seared on her lips. 

And she felt humiliated.  

It was so obvious now.  Kara’s leave from CatCo had coincided exactly with Supergirl’s absence from National City.  And Kara was always cutting their time short, claiming minor illnesses or family emergencies or a hot tip she had to track down for a story.  Any idiot could have put two and two together.

She had been fooled by a pair of glasses.  But more than that, she had fallen for a Kara who wasn’t real, who had slipped past her defenses to become the most important person in her life.  

Lena rarely let her guard down, always wary of people who wanted to get close to her.  But Kara had been an exception.  She had blithely crossed all sorts of professional lines, inviting her to game night, stopping by with donuts and fast food, defending her to anyone and everyone.  And despite herself, Lena had been won over by her goofy charm.

But now… she wondered why Kara had been so dead set on befriending her.  Perhaps she had wanted to keep an eye on the new Luthor in town.  And all the times Kara had comforted her when she cried - after her mother had kidnapped her, after Jack’s death, after Morgan Edge had slandered her - had any of that been genuine?  If not, it was chilling how good of an actress Kara was; Lena had fallen for it, hook, line, and sinker.

And Alex must know, of course.  And Alex’s DEO friends who were Kara’s friends too - Brainy and J’onn.  And what about James?  Had everyone been laughing at her behind her back at her obliviousness, her stupidity?  

And the thing she just couldn’t understand was why Kara had even bothered with the charade in the first place.  If, as Supergirl, Kara had found her so untrustworthy, so objectionable, why hadn’t she simply ended their friendship?  Why string her along, pretending to be supportive while secretly questioning her character?  What cruel game had she been playing?

Lena wiped her eyes.  She had never felt so alone.

She knocked back her whiskey and went inside.  She was utterly spent and needed to sleep.  She didn’t know what to do about Kara, but she also knew she needed to be better rested before she made any decisions.  

As she walked across the room, she spied the alien’s tote bag next to the sofa.  She went over and opened it.  There were a few changes of clothes, some cash, a loaf of brown bread, and a couple apples.  No phone or wallet or any other clues.

But the alien probably wasn’t Kara then, since she was carrying her clothes with her.  Was she a shapeshifter?  A twin?  A clone?  

In any case, Lena felt sad at seeing the meager possessions:  the alien might be homeless.  And no doubt needed her things.

Lena rummaged in one of the kitchen drawers for a pen and paper, and scribbled a note with her phone number, saying that she wanted to learn more and would like to meet.  

Then she zipped up the bag, set it outside on the balcony, and went to bed.

——-

At five-thirty the next morning, Lena was standing in the kitchen making herself a double espresso in her robe.  It was dark outside, but with dawn approaching, the sky was starting to turn a pale grey.

The tote bag was gone.  If it weren’t for the burger wrappers and milkshake cups that were in the trash, Lena could have believed she had dreamt everything.

But it had been real.  And she had cried herself to sleep.

And now she had to face the day, even though she was heartbroken.  She couldn’t let herself wallow in this state.  She needed a plan so she could put Kara out of her mind, or she wouldn’t be able to function.

She sat down at the island with her mug, trying to decide what to do.

The truth was, she felt so shaken, she didn’t think the friendship could recover.  And as with the portfolio company whose fate she was wrestling with, if she couldn’t see the endgame, she needed to stop investing.  Separating from James had been an obvious decision.  Even Jack, whom she had adored, had been swept aside once she had decided her future was in National City.  Cutting her losses was what she did, day after day.  There was no use being sentimental, in business or in life.  

So then.  The next time they saw each other, she would tell Kara that she felt betrayed.  And that would be that.

Lena finished her coffee and put her mug in the sink, then heard a thump on the balcony.

She turned around.

Not-Kara had returned.  She had lost the glasses and was now wearing a blue button up and tan pants, the tote bag over her right shoulder, her hair down and a little wild.

She looked… hot.

And Lena felt a mixture of confusion and attraction.  It was impossible to see her and not think about Kara, but also that kiss they had shared, and what could have come next.  

But Lena had to set that aside; she desperately wanted to know what was going on.  

She walked over to the balcony door and opened it.

“Hi,” she said, stepping outside into the cold air, pulling her robe tightly around her.  “I’m glad you came back.”  

Not-Kara blushed.

“Lena, I am sorry to bother you again but… I could not sleep,” she said miserably.  “I am very sorry I lied to you.  It was wrong, and I did not mean to make things difficult between you and Kara Danvers.  Please do not hold my mistakes against her.  I know you are good friends.”

How do you know, Lena wanted to ask.  But she didn’t want to badger the alien and scare her away.  And she was pleasantly surprised that Not-Kara was taking responsibility for her actions.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely.  “And I apologize for my behavior last night.  Supergirl and I have some… history, and I was shocked to realize she was Kara, to put it mildly.”

Not-Kara made a face.

“You do not have to apologize, Lena,” she said softly.  “You must have been very hurt.  And I am sorry again that you found out because of me.”

Lena didn’t want any pity.

“I would rather know than not, so I’m grateful to you for that,” she shrugged.  “But anyway… Do you want to come in?  I can make you breakfast and we can talk?”

Not-Kara tilted her head, a smile playing on her lips.

“I did not know the bourgeoisie knew how to cook?” 

The gentle dig was so unexpected, Lena couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You might want to try my food first before you make a statement like that,” she said self-deprecatingly.  ”But, it’s hard to mess up scrambled eggs and toast, if you want to chance it...”

She smiled warmly at Not-Kara, who smiled back at her.

But then Not-Kara looked down and adjusted the bag on her shoulder.  

“Thank you, Lena.  You are kind, but I do not want to cause any more trouble for you.  I wish you well, though.”

She turned as if to leave.

“No, please!  Don’t go!” Lena blurted out.  She didn’t want Not-Kara to fly away again.  “Please, who are you?  And why did you seek me out?”

Not-Kara furrowed her brow and Lena noticed she had the same little scar that Kara had above her left eye. 

Not a twin then, Lena thought to herself.  A shapeshifter?

Not-Kara looked at her wistfully.

“I… I want to tell you, Lena.  But… I don’t know if I can trust you.  I’m sorry.”

Lena wasn’t offended; her trust in others was at an all-time low right now.  

“I understand.  But… if you change your mind, or if you ever want to talk, my door is open.  Ok?”

She extended her hand.  Not-Kara stared at it for a moment, then took it, running her thumb slowly across the back.

The caress sent a current through Lena and she inhaled sharply.

Not-Kara blushed and let go.

“Sorry.  Goodbye, Lena.”

She leapt up and flew away.

And Lena closed her eyes.  Her heart was pounding, her nipples pebbling against the silk of her robe, just from that brief touch.  

Fuck me.

Her physical response to this alien, to Kara’s double, was like nothing she’d ever experienced before.  It was as though that kiss last night had unleashed all the desire for Kara that she had harbored for years.  

And equally, she couldn’t deny that there was something about the alien - her integrity, perhaps? - that she was also attracted to.

But it seemed unlikely that the alien would ever return.  Kara, on the other hand, would be back in a few days.  And Lena knew she had to get ahold of herself.  

She needed to make a clean break, even if it killed her.

Because there was no way she would ever let Kara hurt her like this again.

Chapter Text

On Sunday morning, Lena was sitting in her armchair in an old MIT sweatshirt and leggings, poring over the financials of an L-Corp subsidiary, when her phone buzzed.

[Kara Danvers, 7:55am]  Hey!  I’m back!  Are you around?  I brought you something from Smallville!  

Lena felt her stomach jolt.  But she had prepared for this.  

She put her tablet down and picked up her phone.

[Lena Luthor, 7:55am]  I’m around.  And Kara, we need to talk about Supergirl 

She had decided to give Kara a heads up about what was coming before she dropped the bomb; now that she knew that Kara was the most powerful being on the planet, she didn’t want to make her feel defensive or risk her getting angry.  The goal was to end things with a minimum of drama.  She didn’t want to be friends anymore, but she also didn’t want to make an enemy.

[Kara Danvers, 7:56am]  …

[Kara Danvers, 7:56am]  …

[Kara Danvers, 7:57am]  Sounds serious

[Lena Luthor, 7:57am]  It is.  

[Lena Luthor, 7:57am]  I’m at home.  Stop by anytime until 12

[Kara Danvers, 7:57am]  Be there in 15

Lena texted the concierge to let him know that Kara would be coming by, then set her phone down on the coffee table and tried to center herself.

She’d had a rough few days.  She hadn’t been able to concentrate on her work, because the smallest, most random thing would trigger a cascade of emotions about Kara that would sweep her off course.

Nothing had been safe:  a pair of glasses, a cup of coffee, a Rubik’s cube, a potsticker.  

Lena would feel a twinge of nostalgia, and then anger or sadness would wash over her.  She would shake it off by focusing on the conversation she needed to have, playing out how it might go and what she planned to say.  

She had probably practiced her speech a hundred times.  And after four days of this, she wanted to move on, if only so she could think about something else.

The elevator dinged and she looked up to see Kara walking into the room, a huge pie in her hands and a worried look on her face. 

But when she saw Lena, she broke into a small, nervous smile.

And despite everything, Lena melted a little.  Kara looked preppy and wholesome in her cable-knit sweater and jeans and how on earth could this ray of sunshine have stabbed her in the back?

Then a thought came to her.

Maybe she didn’t.

Sam had blacked out whenever Reign had taken over.

Oh no.

Lena’s mind started to race.  Had she jumped to conclusions?  There was so much she didn’t know about Kryptonian biology.  She should have considered the possibility that other Kryptonians might also have two beings housed within the same body.  And if Kara hadn’t known she was Supergirl…

Lena felt a surge of hope.  

But then… Reign had tried to take over and erase Sam, whereas the - symbiosis? - between Kara and Supergirl appeared to be much more stable.  Kara wouldn’t be able to drive a car or hold down a job if she were randomly blacking out.  Did she have some influence over her other half?  

Lena didn’t know what to make of any of this.  But she had no time to think it through, because Kara had set the pie on the island and was crossing over to her.

Lena cleared her throat as she stood up, letting the blanket on her lap fall to the ground.  

“Um… hi Kara.”  

Kara stopped in front of her instead of giving her a hug.

“Hey,” she said tentatively.  The light was hitting her ponytail, making it shine like gold.  Lena idly wondered how she cut it; if her skin was impervious, would her hair be as well?  And why didn’t it get in her face when she flew?

“Uh…” Kara nodded at the pie, “there was this farm stand near Clark’s place and the pies were incredible, and I had one for breakfast every morning, and they had peach, which I know is your favorite…”

All of a sudden, she wrapped her arms around Lena and squeezed her tightly, her breath tickling Lena’s ear.  

Lena stiffened, her heart suddenly pounding.  In spite of all her careful preparation, she felt totally unmoored.

“I…” she said weakly, trying to ignore how good it felt to be in Kara’s arms, “Kara, please… we need to talk...”

Kara stepped back, her eyes downcast.  “…about Supergirl, I know.  What is it?”

Lena wanted to get this over with.

“Kara…” she said simply, “I know you’re her.”

Kara glanced up at the ceiling for a moment, then took a deep breath.

“I… I thought that might be what you wanted to talk about,” she said, almost inaudibly.  “I’m sorry you found out before I could tell you.  I really was going to, but… I…” 

Her voice hitched, and she grimaced.  

“The kryptonite...  Lena, I was obsessed.  And… scared.  It didn’t matter who had it… I saw you as a threat.  And it was only when you said that you could never trust Supergirl again that I realized how crazy I was being.  And then… it was like waking up from a nightmare.  But… I also didn’t know how to fix it… to fix us,” she said helplessly, her face crumpling.  “Because you said that your friends never schemed behind your back… so I knew if you learned who I really was, I would lose you completely.  And so I just buried my head in the sand, and…”

She trailed off, and Lena felt her last hope slip away.

So it had been Kara after all.   

“Then… it… isn’t like Sam and Reign?” she ventured, still needing the confirmation.  “I was wondering if that might… excuse what you did…”

Kara slowly shook her head, taking off her glasses, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“No, I wish I could pretend.  But I won’t lie to you anymore.  Supergirl is just… me.”

Her throat worked up and down as she tried to compose herself. 

“I… I hope you could forgive me,” she said, her voice cracking.  Then she bowed her head.  “You’re… so important to me, and I am so, so sorry…” 

She started crying in earnest, and Lena had to turn away, overwhelmed.

She wasn’t made of ice.  It was hard to watch anybody cry, let alone her former best friend who was begging her for forgiveness.  And she could see that Kara’s fear had gotten the better of her, and that Kara had wanted to preserve their friendship.

A part of her wanted to reach out and touch Kara’s head, to embrace her and tell her that they were fine, that everything was ok.  

But she stopped herself.

Everything wasn’t ok.  And they weren’t fine.  

She might be able to look past Kara’s reaction to learning that she had kryptonite.  But she couldn’t understand, let alone forgive, how Kara hadn’t had the strength of character to come forward and set things right, instead of pretending like nothing had happened.  The passivity, the spinelessness, made Lena feel sick.  And… unsafe.

How could she trust Kara now?  

She walked over to the bookshelf to get a box of tissues, and came back and offered it to Kara, who took a tissue and blew her nose.

Lena waited until Kara was calmer and said quietly, “Kara, you were important to me too.  More than I can even say.  And I was devastated when I learned who you were.  But… it’s even more painful to hear that you thought so little of me, of our relationship, that you couldn’t tell me the truth.  And I think you know as well as I do that this means we can’t be friends anymore.”

Kara flinched and another tear rolled down her cheek.

“Please…” she said desperately, her eyes pleading, “it’s not like that, I think the world of you… I…”

But then she squared her shoulders and took a breath. 

“Sorry,” she said soberly.  “I understand how you feel.  I was wrong to keep this from you and I am sorry that I hurt you.  But Lena… if there’s anything I can do to earn back your trust… please tell me.  I’ll do anything.”

Lena didn’t want to give her false hope.

“There isn’t, Kara.  I wish you well, though, I really do.  And don’t worry about your job.  I won’t interfere with anything at CatCo, and if you or the DEO need my technology, I will still help.  We can keep things professional.”

She held out her hand, and Kara stared at it, blinking, then shook it.  

“Thank you,” she said sadly, her eyes welling up again.  “You… you deserved better from me.  And I’m sorry again.”

She sped out of the room and a few seconds later, Lena heard the elevator door close.

She exhaled.

It was over.

All things considered, that had gone about as well as she could have hoped, and she felt relieved.  But she also felt drained, like she’d been running a marathon and had nothing left to give.  

And it was only eight-thirty, far too early for a drink.  

She sat back down in the armchair and tried to go back to reading the income statement she had been reviewing, but the numbers were swimming before her eyes.  She tossed the tablet on the sofa and stood up.  

The room felt claustrophobic all of a sudden, the air too still, the bookshelves too orderly, and that stupid pie sitting on the island with its perfect, homemade, flaky crust.

She wanted to smash through the windows and get far, far away. 

The island?  Or Aspen?  Paris?

But she knew a vacation was out of the question with all her obligations over the next few weeks. 

However, she could at least go work from another L-Corp office.  And it would be so good to talk everything over with Sam.  

Lena picked up her phone and called Eve, who picked up on the first ring.

“Good morning, Ms. Luthor.”

“Eve, can you get the plane ready to leave as soon as possible.  I want to work from Metropolis for the next week.”

Eve didn’t miss a beat.

“Yes, Ms. Luthor.  And I’ll reschedule your lunch and comp committee call this afternoon, and see if the Peninsula has a suite available.  Any special requests for your time there?”

“Thank you.  Can you see what’s on at the opera?  And I want to take Sam out to a nice dinner sometime this week.”

“Yes, Ms. Luthor.  Anna will be by in fifteen minutes to pack for you, and Frank will pick you up at nine-thirty.  Would you like me to accompany you?”

“Yes, please.  If you can.”

“Of course, Ms. Luthor.  I’ll meet you at the plane.”

“Thanks, Eve.  See you soon.”

Lena felt a rush of energy now that she had something to do.  She texted Sam immediately.

[Lena Luthor, 8:35am]  Hi!  Am coming to Metropolis for the week.  Are you free tonight, I should touch down around 7

[Sam Arias, 8:35am]  OMG Lena!  Yes!  Ruby is having friends over to study for a physics test but you should crash, she’d love to see you

[Lena Luthor, 8:36am]  Great.  Let’s get takeout? 

[Lena Luthor, 8:36am]  And can we talk after?  Some stuff happened and I need a friend

[Sam Arias, 8:36am]  With James?

[Lena Luthor, 8:36am]  With Kara  

[Sam Arias, 8:37am]  Oh no.  I’ll get the wine ready

[Sam Arias, 8:37am]  Also there is a potential acquisition we should discuss when you get a chance.  Have a good flight!  Can’t wait to see you

[Lena Luthor, 8:38am]  Thanks Sam.  See you soon 

Lena started packing up her tablet and her computer.  

A week away would do her good.  And then she could come back and reboot her life.

Chapter Text

Lena stepped out of the Rolls Royce in the underground garage, and took her private elevator up to the penthouse.  

Her apartment had been prepared for her arrival - the lights were low, the gas fireplace was switched on, and there were plumerias on the dining table.

She was glad to be back.  

It was Sunday night, exactly four weeks after she had left.  She hadn’t planned to spend such a long time in Metropolis, but she had needed it.  When she had arrived at Sam’s place that first night, she had felt numb.  But the moment the door had swung open, Ruby had jumped up and run over and hugged her.  And then she had proudly introduced her “Aunt Lena” to her friends.  They had quickly cleared a spot on the floor amidst all their papers and laptops, and Lena had found herself explaining angular momentum and centripetal force, four girls hanging onto her every word.

It had made her smile for the first time in what felt like years.  And it had also made her see that she’d been so myopically focused on Kara for the past few days, she’d forgotten that there was a whole world - a whole universe - out there.

They had ordered pizza, and she had talked to the girls about careers in science, and after they had gone home and Ruby had gone to bed, Sam had opened a very good bottle of red and Lena had told her about Kara.  

Sam had been completely in her corner, including - and Lena had appreciated this - pushing her to make sure she was making the right decision.

“Lena… I’m sorry she did this to you and I get why you ended things. But… you two were so close, and she might learn from this.  Are you sure you never want to be friends again?”

“Yes, I’m sure.  She might learn, but… I just… I can’t trust someone who didn’t have the courage to tell me the truth.”

“Not everyone is as brave as you, though, Lena.  She was afraid you would never speak to her again.  And being afraid doesn’t make her a bad person.”

“Maybe not bad, but… not good, either, Sam.  After… after Lex fired me, I tried to stop LuthorCorp scientists from working on his projects.  But even though they knew what they were working on could destroy the planet, they were afraid of losing their jobs, or hurting their careers.  And I understand that people have families to feed, but… you have to be brave when it counts.  The world is full of people who look the other way.  It’s a deal-breaker for me.”

“I get that, Lena.  It’s just… sad.  I’m sorry she disappointed you.”

Disappointment was exactly what Lena had been feeling.  And grief.  For the person she had thought Kara was.  For the friendship they had never had.  

Being in Metropolis, though, had helped her heal.  It was ironic, given that she had moved away when she had accepted the fact that she wouldn’t be able to escape the long shadow of Lex’s crimes.  But a few years on, she had been able to enjoy the city again.  She did reminisce a lot about Jack; this had been her first time back in Metropolis since his funeral.  But she had also gone with Sam to cheer Ruby on at her soccer games, seen a few operas, walked almost every morning in Metropolitan Park - mostly avoiding the paparazzi - and reconnected with a few old acquaintances.  Working side-by-side with Sam again had been wonderful as well. 

She had kept extending her time, first one week, then another and another, much to Eve’s frustration, as her schedule had to be rearranged multiple times.  But one morning, Lena realized that she hadn’t thought about Kara in over a day.  And then she had known that she was ready to go back.

Lena got herself a whiskey at the bar just as Frank came up with her luggage.  She thanked him, then went out on the balcony to look at the vast city spread out below her, and the dark ocean and starry sky beyond.  

Sam had made her promise she would work less and date more.  And make her own friends.  

It wouldn’t be easy.  Lena had made sure to embed herself with National City’s business and philanthropic leadership when she had moved from Metropolis.  But socially, she hadn’t made much of an effort.  She had a pattern of dating people she met at work because that was where she spent the vast majority of her time.  And she had fallen in with Kara’s game night circle because they had been so fun, but also because she hadn’t had to lift a finger to have a ready-made group of friends.

The reality was, she hated putting herself out there.  It was difficult enough to meet people as a Luthor; she was aware of the whispers that followed her wherever she went.  But also, underneath her public persona, she was painfully shy, much happier curling up with a book and a cup of tea than making small talk at a restaurant or a party with everybody staring at her, her bodyguards hovering in the background.

But now she saw that she needed to change.  Maybe she could ask Eve to pull a list of interesting people in National City - or really, from anywhere - and set up some networking dates for her.  And maybe a few would turn into something more. 

It would be excruciating, but Lena knew she had to try.

Suddenly a figure appeared in front of her, hovering right off the balcony, and Lena almost jumped out of her skin.

Supergirl.

Lena felt a flash of annoyance.  She had literally gotten back to the city a half hour ago.  Why couldn’t Kara leave her alone? 

Then she noticed that Kara was wearing a short, black tennis dress that hugged her lean body and showed off her defined arms and long legs.

But Kara never flew in civilian clothes.  Or dressed like that.  

Lena’s jaw dropped.  It was Not-Kara.  And she looked gorgeous.  

Lena had thought about Not-Kara a few times while she had been away, trying to make sense of that bizarre evening, and occasionally catching herself daydreaming about that kiss.  But her thoughts had been more aimless musings than anything; she really hadn’t expected to see Not-Kara again.

Here she was, though, and while rationally Lena knew that Not-Kara was her own person, it was still a bit of a mind-fuck that she looked, or was choosing to look, exactly like Kara.

And Lena was dying to know why.

“Hey,” she said, trying to sound nonchalant.  Just think of her as a twin.  “You’re back.”

Not-Kara broke into a grin.

“No, you’re back,” she said happily, still with a slight accent that Lena could not place.  “I’ve been flying by every night for two weeks.  And I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s ok.  I should be used to it by now,” Lena said wryly.  “Apparently my balcony is a magnet for people who can fly.”

Not-Kara touched down lightly beside her.

“I… I don’t think it’s the balcony, Lena…” she said, blushing.

Is she… flirting with me?

Lena suddenly remembered how soft Not-Kara’s lips had been, and her mouth went dry.

“Well, maybe it’s the view then,” she countered, trying to find her footing.  “Anyway… it’s nice to see you again.  You’re looking well.”

“It’s nice to see you too,” Not-Kara replied.  “Uh… you’re looking… beautiful.”

Compared to the goddess in front of her, Lena certainly didn’t feel beautiful; her skin was dried out from spending the past six hours on a plane, and she was wearing an oversized L-Corp sweatshirt and leggings, her hair up in a messy bun. 

But Not-Kara’s awkward compliments were kind of endearing, and Lena found herself loosening up.

“Thank you.  And I’m sorry I wasn’t around… I was in Metropolis these past few weeks.  But…” she said playfully, “I do believe I gave you my number… why didn’t you call me?”

Not-Kara looked embarrassed.

“I wanted to.  But I don’t have a phone.  I left you a note, though.”  She glanced over at the balcony’s seating area, and Lena now noticed there was a rock with a piece of paper under it on the coffee table.

“Oh?  What does it say?”  

“That I… I need your help again,” Not-Kara said, making a face.  “To get a social security card and a state I.D.  For the I-9 form.”

Lena put on a wan smile as she realized that some small, ridiculous part of her had hoped that Not-Kara had just stopped by to… flirt with her?  Hook up?  Ask her to dinner?  She wasn’t sure exactly what.  But definitely something more exciting than work authorization.

Still… now she had a million questions.  As Not-Kara was undocumented, how had she been supporting herself, if she couldn’t work legally?  Her clothes looked new and she was well-groomed.  Where had she been living?  And what had she been doing for the past month? 

In any case, getting papers was straightforward, thanks to the Alien Amnesty Act.

“I see,” Lena said, more business-like, setting her whiskey down on the ledge.  “Well, I’m not a lawyer, but I believe if you go to any U.S. Customs and Immigration office, you should be able to register as an alien and get a social security card, and then you can go to the DMV to get an I.D., but you’ll also need proof of residence.”

Not-Kara ran a hand through her hair.

“Yes, I read about that, Lena, but… registering might make it easier for… some people to find me.  And I was hoping you knew of another way.”

With the recent uptick in anti-alien violence, Lena was aware that many aliens didn’t want to identify themselves to the government and have their names on a list. 

But “some people” sounded specific.  Who was Not-Kara running from, and why?  Was she dangerous?

Lena knew she should walk away.  If it ever got out that she had helped someone skirt the law, even if she could limit her own legal exposure, and even if it were for a good reason, it could land her on the front page and be a major distraction for L-Corp.

But at the same time, she felt drawn to this strange alien, and against her better judgment, she wanted to help.

She crossed her arms.

“Ok… I am not sure if there’s anything I can do.  But for me to even try, I need to know a lot more about you.  Where you’re from, to start.”

Not-Kara’s face fell.

“Lena, I’m just trying to get a job so I can earn some money…”

Lena shook her head.  “I’m sorry,” she said firmly.  “I hope you understand that I have to be careful in my position.  And what you are asking for is illegal, and I don’t even know your name.  You could be a murderer for all I know.”

“I’m not a murderer, Lena.  I promise,” Not-Kara said, looking offended.

“You probably aren’t,” Lena agreed, “but… how would I know that?” 

Not-Kara’s expression became serious.

“Ok.  Then what do you want to know?” 

“Oh,” Lena said lightly, “who you are, where you’re from, why you’re here, and what you’re trying to do.  The same things I would want to know about anybody I work with.”

Not-Kara turned and leaned against the railing, clearly conflicted.  She was quiet for a few moments and then looked over at Lena.

“If I tell you all that…” she said slowly, “I could put others in danger.  People who are fighting for equality and peace.  But…” she sighed, “I also don’t know if they’ve lied to me.  I’ve read every book on the Cold War at the library downtown, although they could all be propaganda too…”

There was so much here to unpack, Lena didn’t know where to start.  But in a way, Not-Kara reminded her of a friend at MIT who had started questioning her faith a few months after arriving on campus, away from her family and her church for the first time.  

There were a handful of Communist countries - like North Korea and Kaznia - whose citizens were totally cut off from the rest of the world.  They might have a similar crisis of belief if they ever found themselves in the West.  It would certainly explain Not-Kara’s extreme caution; Lena knew how brutal those regimes could be.

And now she was worried.  There weren’t many aliens with Not-Kara’s powers.  What would a hostile government do to get her back?  Or would they try to kill her if they believed she had defected?  

Not-Kara was staring off in the distance, and Lena touched a hand to her back to get her attention.

“Look,” she said, trying to make eye contact.  “I can only imagine how lonely and difficult this must be for you, having to figure this all out by yourself.  And you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.  But… it seems like you’ve gone out of your way to talk with me.  Why?”

Not-Kara turned towards her, her face unreadable.

“Because, Lena…” she said softly, “they led me to believe you were a monster… so I thought, if I meet her and she’s evil, then… I’ll know they’re telling the truth…” 

She slowly reached a hand out, as though she were in a trance, and swiped Lena’s cheek with her thumb as she gently cupped her face.

“But… you weren’t evil,” she said, almost to herself.  “You were kind, and brilliant, and compassionate, and I… I wanted…”

Lena realized she was holding her breath, and suddenly Not-Kara was pushing her up against the ledge.  The force of her desire was overpowering and Lena could barely hang on as Not-Kara captured her mouth again, hot and wet and urgent.  

She couldn’t help but kiss back, first tentatively, then harder.  It made Not-Kara let out a low growl and pull her closer, nipping down her jawline, then her neck, then her collarbone, her teeth grazing over Lena’s skin, sending a shiver down Lena’s spine.  

Oh god…

Lena felt like she was on fire, arousal igniting deep in her belly.  She needed more:  she needed to be touched, she needed to feel Not-Kara’s mouth all over her, she needed Not-Kara’s fingers curling inside of her.

“Bedroom?” she gasped, nodding at the exterior door to her room.

There was a whoosh of air and suddenly they were standing by her bed, the door shut, the bedside lamp on.  Not-Kara pulled her dress off over her head, revealing her perfect body underneath, her small breasts, toned legs, and the v-cut of her abs making Lena’s mouth water.

Lena stripped as fast as she could, and Not-Kara stepped forward, her eyes narrowing as they swept down Lena’s body.  She was trembling as she lightly ran her fingers past Lena’s stomach to cup her mound, teasing her lips.

“Show me what to do, Lena,” she breathed.  “I… I’ve never done this before...”

Somewhere inside the haze of lust, Lena’s brain engaged.

She didn’t care about virginity, which was a stupid, chauvinistic concept, but… why would Not-Kara go without sex her entire adult life, only to have it now, with her, when they barely knew each other?  

It didn’t make any sense.  And Lena knew that she needed to slow down.  

She never had one-night stands or took risks with sex.  She couldn’t afford to be caught in a compromising position and blackmailed, or worse.  But she had let herself get carried away, because on some visceral level, she wanted this, because Not-Kara was so damn mysterious and sexy, but also because Not-Kara felt familiar, felt right, because she… looked like Kara.

Lena took Not-Kara’s hand and brought it up to her chest.

“I need to stop… can we talk, please?” she asked. 

Not-Kara’s eyes filled with confusion, but she silently sat at the edge of the bed and waited for Lena to speak.

Lena sat down next to her, still holding her hand.

“I am very attracted to you, as you can probably tell, and I don’t mind at all that this is your first time.  But… I need to know who you are.  And, why do you look like Kara?  Are you a shapeshifter?”

Not-Kara looked up at the ceiling for a few moments, then exhaled, trying to catch her breath.

Finally she smiled at Lena and squeezed her hand.

“No, Lena, I cannot change my shape.  And my teacher told me that I am Kryptonian, and that I am Kara Danvers’s sister...”

Lena frowned.  She knew that wasn’t correct.

“But you have…” she pointed to Not-Kara’s eyebrow, “a scar here.  Which Kara has as well.”  

She leaned down and fished her phone out of her clothes and scrolled through until she found a picture of Kara and Alex from some game night.  

She zoomed in on Kara’s face.  “See?  You must be a clone.”

Not-Kara took the phone from her hand and stared at it.  Her eyes flickered with recognition.

“Then… Alex was Kara Danvers’s Alex,” she said slowly.  “And Lex… lied to me.”

Lena’s heart lurched in her chest.

“Lex?  My brother Lex?  What does he have to do with all of this?”

Not-Kara handed back the phone.

“Lena, he was… my teacher.  In… Kaznia.”

Chapter Text

Lena woke up with a start before her alarm, which was set for five-thirty.

She got up and went to her bedroom, cracking the door open and peering inside in the semi-darkness.

Not-Kara - no, Snowbird - was curled up in a ball under the duvet, her eyes closed, her chest steadily rising and falling, her blonde hair spread out over the pillow.  She looked like an angel, and Lena felt a certain tenderness come over her.  

The night before, they had talked until nearly one in the morning, sitting on her bed in the silk robes she had found for them.  Snowbird had told her everything, beginning with when she had woken up in the snow, naked and alone, at the Kaznian border.  

“And this was about a year ago?”

“Yes.”

“Then… maybe it was the Harun-El...”

If the Harun-El could split Sam and Reign, the most likely hypothesis for Snowbird’s appearance was that it could split any Kryptonian into two.  And Snowbird had hung her head and said she wanted to apologize to Kara for reading her journal and stealing her things, and Lena had promised to let Kara know in the morning.

And then Lena had learned about Eve.

“Lena… you should also know, I saw Eve with Lex in Kaznia.”

“Eve?  Eve Teschmacher?”

Shocked, Lena had gotten her laptop from her bag and cross-checked the dates of Eve’s vacations over the past year.  

Everything had lined up, and Lena had felt like she’d been slapped in the face.  

Once again, she had put her trust in someone who had betrayed her.  And it wasn’t like she hadn’t tried to be vigilant.  After Alana had been found out, she had instituted more controls, including regular background checks and security audits.  How had Eve managed to evade them all?  And who else might be working for Lex?

All of this was going to be a huge headache to unwind.  As Lena’s executive assistant - really more of a chief of staff - Eve was with her almost every hour of the workday.  She knew everything about everything, including potential deals, the experiments with the Harun-El, and other top secret research.  She even had access to all of Lena’s properties, managing the staff who came and went throughout the day. 

Then Lena had started to feel anxious, and had pointed out the camera and microphone on her laptop to Snowbird, and asked her to scan the apartment for similar devices.  Fortunately, there hadn’t been anything unusual, and Lena had heaved a sigh of relief that her place didn’t appear to be bugged, that Lex wasn’t watching her every move.

The real question, though, was:  what was he up to?

“He said I was going to ‘usher in a new era of peace.’  And I… I believed him…”

“Please don’t blame yourself.  Lex is a sociopath and he can manipulate anyone.”

It appeared that the Kaznians were planning to start a war, and Lex had been conditioning Snowbird to hate the West.  Lena had been appalled.  Living and training in military barracks in the middle of nowhere had sounded like solitary confinement.  And Snowbird had no real friends, except Mikhail, who was just a boy.  She hadn’t interacted with anybody else except when she was doing exercises.  She hadn’t even been given a real name.  

It was inhumane.  

No wonder she had latched onto Lex, just as Lena herself had all those years ago when she had come to the Luthor mansion as an orphan.  

And now Snowbird had gone from having no freedom to total freedom, but without any papers or money.  But she had discovered the main library downtown and had been spending all her time there, trying to learn about the world, and had decided that she needed to get a job.

“What type of job?”

“Any job.  So I can save money to go to community college.”

“And what do you want to study?”

“Some kind of science.  Maybe biopolymers.”

“Really?  Why?”

“Oh Lena… it was my favorite!  Because, science isn’t like politics… there are facts, and you can ask and answer questions with data.  Like, my skin can stop a bullet.  So it must have a high tensile modulus, like Kevlar, which has multiple strong inter-chain bonds, compared to the collagen triple helices that form the extracellular matrix of human skin, which has a modulus of only a few Megapascals.  But human cell processes require that the ECM is not too stiff to enable mechanical strain to trigger signaling cascades, so that makes me curious about what my ECM is made of, or if the cells of my dermis are similar…”

She had gone on to describe the experiments she would like to do to study her own biology, and Lena had been floored.  In the space of a month, Snowbird had read - and apparently absorbed - the entire science section at the National City library, with a particular interest in biophysics, biochemistry, and biomechanics.  Her understanding of those fields was probably at a post-doctoral level. 

An intellect like that needed to be nurtured and cultivated.  And as a scientist, Lena felt like she had a sacred duty to help Snowbird find her way.  What could Snowbird be capable of, once she got some practical experience?  If she could replicate the properties of her own skin, or discover how her cells could harvest so much energy from the sun, it would be an enormous leap forward for biomaterials.  Perhaps her research could even complement Lena’s own on the Harun-El.

So when Snowbird had mentioned that she was living in a cave outfitted with second-hand camping gear in the desert east of National City, eating expired food from grocery store dumpsters, and sneaking into state parks or public pools to shower, Lena had asked her to stay. 

“But my camp is fine, Lena.  I don’t need much, and you Americans throw so much away.  Like the dress I was wearing today.  It was brand new.  I have a cot and a sleeping bag and a tent…”

“I know… but you should have running water.  You can have my bed… I can sleep on the sofa.”

Snowbird had protested, not wanting to put Lena out, but Lena had insisted.  It would be noticeable if any of the other bedrooms looked slept in, and she didn’t know yet if Lex had other informants on her staff.

They had said good night, Snowbird giving her a long hug, and Lena had gone out and bedded down on the sofa, trying to get comfortable.  But her mind was buzzing; she couldn’t stop thinking about the gentle, tenacious, hyper-intelligent alien sleeping in the next room.  

And god, those abs.

Lena had stared at the ceiling and tried to sort through all the emotions roiling through her.  

She was obviously attracted to Snowbird, to the point where she had nearly lost control of herself.  And even now, she was getting hot remembering the feel of Snowbird’s fingers between her legs, almost brushing her clit.

But Lena knew her attraction wasn’t merely physical.  She was also intrigued by Snowbird’s genius, her unlimited potential.  And more than that, Snowbird seemed to possess a quiet goodness, a desire to do right, that had been evident from their first meeting. 

She was the most fascinating person Lena had encountered in years.

Since… Supergirl.

Lena had sighed and rolled over.  She could concede that Snowbird had some of the qualities she had once appreciated about Kara, and of course, they looked identical.  Something about this didn’t quite feel clean, as though she were cheating on Kara.

But she knew that was irrational.  She and Kara had never been together, and even if they had, she didn’t owe Kara anything.  Besides, she thought as she finally drifted off to sleep, it was so rare that she found anybody who could hold her interest…

But now, as she stood in the doorway, Lena had the disturbing thought that perhaps Snowbird was a little too good to be true.  Had Lex planted her?  It would be classic Lex to sacrifice a knight - Eve - to move his queen to a better position.  

Lena shut the door.  She went back to the kitchen and started making herself an espresso.

Snowbird seemed to be telling her the truth, but after misreading Rhea and Kara and Eve so badly, Lena hardly trusted her own judgment anymore.  But there wasn’t much she could do to validate Snowbird’s story; the facts were too sparse and anyway wouldn’t help her determine Snowbird’s motivations.

Logically, though, Lena couldn’t see how it would benefit Lex to reveal the existence of such a valuable asset.  He could turn the public against the Supers whenever he wanted just by having Snowbird suit up and attack a school or a military base.  Why would he give up that considerable advantage?

The espresso machine hissed and suddenly Lena felt hands on her waist and a kiss on her neck.  

“Good morning,” Snowbird said, snuggling up warm against her back.  “How did you sleep, Lena?”

“I… ok, all things considered,” Lena replied, her heart suddenly thudding in her chest, her senses on high alert.  She couldn’t blame Snowbird for being so physical - they had almost slept together last night - but Lena was in a very different place now, mentally.  “Um, how about you?”

Snowbird kissed her neck again.

“Very well.  Your bed was much more comfortable than my cot.  Thank you for letting me stay.”

She spun Lena around and gave her a dazzling smile.  

Lena’s breath hitched.  But as Snowbird leaned in to kiss her again, Lena turned her head.

“What is it?” Snowbird asked, instantly pulling away.

Lena could feel her walls going up.  Maybe it was best if she had some space.

“I’m sorry, Snowbird,” she said.  “I feel like a hypocrite… I asked you to trust me, and you did… but now that you’ve told me that my brother is involved, I… I can’t help but wonder if you’re working with him.  I know that’s unfair, but…”

Snowbird shrank back.

“Oh,” she said, her shoulders slumping.  “Lena, I am not working with him… anymore.  But I… I understand.”

A second later, she was wearing her black dress, and her hair was up in a ponytail.

“Do you want me to leave?” she asked sadly.  “I can go back to my camp and not bother you anymore.”

She looked so hurt, Lena hesitated.  

Deep down, this wasn’t what she wanted.  

What she wanted was for Lex to get out of her life.  She already had such a hard time trusting anyone, and his invasion of her inner circle was making her see shadows everywhere.

But she knew she couldn’t keep pushing people away.  Especially not people as blameless, as innocent as Snowbird, who needed her help.

She sighed.

“No, don’t go,” she said.  “I just… sometimes it feels like Lex is… a black hole.  He keeps sucking me back into his orbit, no matter how hard I try to get away.  But… I can’t let him get inside my head.”

Snowbird looked at her with wide eyes, then wrapped her up in her arms.

“You won’t, Lena.  I believe in you.”

Snowbird smelled faintly of sandalwood, and Lena closed her eyes, the warmth of Snowbird’s body enveloping her.  It felt good to be held, to forget, if only for a minute, about Lex and Eve and everything else that was wrong with the world.

Then Snowbird hugged her a little tighter and kissed her forehead.

“Are you hungry, Lena?” she asked cheerfully.  “I’ve gotten pretty good at making toast with my eyes...”

Lena smiled.  She would have loved to have breakfast with Snowbird, but she had a lot to do this morning and needed to get going.

She stepped back, feeling energized.

“Unfortunately, I have to get ready for work.  But… do you want to hang out here today and we can talk more when I get home?  I’ll tell housekeeping to take the day off so you won’t be disturbed.  And feel free to read any of my books, and wear any of my clothes…”

Snowbird stuck her bottom lip out.  

“But when will you return?” she asked petulantly.

Lena stifled a giggle.  Snowbird was so sweet.

“I’ll shoot for seven-thirty?  And… we need to discuss your future, and give you a real name, ok?”

The corners of Snowbird’s eyes crinkled.

“Ok.  I can’t wait, Lena.  See you tonight.”

She went to the refrigerator and opened the door, her face lighting up at the food neatly lined up on the shelves.

And Lena took her mug and walked back to her room to shower, realizing that for the first time in a long time, she was actually looking forward to coming home after work.

Chapter Text

The sun was glinting orange off the skyscrapers when Lena arrived at the office at six forty-five.

She loved this time of the morning, before work started and her attention became fragmented.  It was when she was the most productive.  

She set her bag down on her chair and pulled out her phone.

[Lena Luthor, 6:47am]  Kara, could you please ask Supergirl to stop by my office as soon as possible?  Ideally before 8

[Kara Danvers, 6:47am]  Lena!  Of course

Lena slipped off her trench coat and pulled out her laptop to start working, but not ten seconds later, she heard a knock on the glass behind her.

Her nerves started up, even though she had known that it was inevitable that she and Kara would run into each other eventually.  She hoped they could keep things civil.

She stood up and put her coat back on and went outside.  Kara was standing by the ledge, as striking as a Roman centurion in her cape and skirt.  

“Supergirl.  Thank you for coming on such short notice,” Lena said as she walked up to her.

“Ms. Luthor,” Kara responded, putting her hands on her hips.  Then her voice softened.  “Lena… it’s so good to see you again.  How have you been?”

Lena wanted to keep this brief.

“I’m fine, Kara, I hope you are well, too,” she answered, then pivoted to cut off the small talk.  “I have some news for you…” 

Lena explained, as concisely as she could, about Snowbird’s appearance in Kaznia, Lex’s plan, and Eve’s treachery.  She glossed over the fact that she and Snowbird had almost slept together; that felt like it was between her and Snowbird, and anyway wasn’t relevant to the main point, which was to warn Kara that her identity could be exposed.

Kara listened, her brow furrowed, not saying a word until Lena had finished.  

Then she sighed.

“It’s a little like Bizarro, I guess…” 

Lena had seen the footage while she had been in Metropolis, but it had completely slipped her mind that Supergirl had once fought a disfigured version of herself that had opposite abilities.  It was interesting that Kryptonians seemed so susceptible to being duplicated.

“Is it hard for Snowbird to control her powers?” Kara asked, looking concerned.  “I still struggle with mine sometimes… does she need any help?”

It was good of Kara to offer, but unnecessary.  Snowbird had told Lena that the first time she had been in full sunlight, she had accidentally maimed two soldiers with her heat vision, but that Lex’s training regimen had helped her fine-tune her skills.  And also, Lena supposed, unlike Kara, Snowbird had never known a time without powers. 

“No, she seems fine,” Lena responded.  “But Kara, there is something you can do for her.  She needs documentation as a human so she can get a job.  I would appreciate if you could arrange it with the DEO.”

“Um, ok,” Kara said.  “I… I can definitely ask Alex about that,” she said slowly.  She stood there, chewing on her lip, and Lena started to feel impatient, wanting to wrap this up.

“So, when can I meet her?” Kara suddenly smiled.  “She’s kind of my… sister, in a way...”

“Whenever you want,” Lena said.  “She wants to meet you too.  She’s staying with me, so just text me when you want to stop by.”

Kara nodded, then chewed her lip some more, and Lena tapped her fingers against her leg.

“Please don’t take offense,” Kara finally said, “but… why is she staying with you?  Are you… well, what are you doing with her?”

Lena raised an eyebrow at Kara’s tone.  But she supposed if their situations were reversed, she would also want to know what her ex-best friend was doing with her clone.

“Kara, my brother spent the past year trying to weaponize her.  But in spite of that, she came to me for help.  I want to ensure she gets off on the right foot in her life here.”

Do my intentions meet with your approval? she thought to herself, but she bit her tongue.

Kara seemed satisfied.  “Ok.  Well, that’s good of you.  Um… thanks for telling me about her.  Was that all?”

It was, but Lena was a little surprised by Kara’s apparent lack of concern about Lex.

“Yes, but… aren’t you worried that Lex knows who you are?”

Kara looked down, then sighed.

“I… I don’t know if I should be or not.  The thing is, Lena…” she said uncomfortably, “your mom already knows about me.  Because my adopted father was working for Cadmus.  So… unless Lex is crazier than she is… I don’t know if it changes anything for me.”

Lena felt the blood drain from her face.

“Lillian knows?” she asked in disbelief.  “She… never told me...” 

“Yeah…” Kara said, shifting on her feet.  “She said she wouldn’t tell you, because you would find out for yourself and then… you would hate me.”

Lena almost laughed out loud.  Of course she was the last Luthor to find out.  And of course Lillian had kept this from her too.

Kara played with the cuffs of her suit.

“She spooked me, you know?” she said quietly.  “She made me think it was a risk to tell you who I was.  Even though I hadn’t done anything wrong at that point.  And I… I really wish I hadn’t listened to her, but… she’s your mom, and I thought she knew you better than I did, and…”

She stopped fidgeting.  “Sorry,” she said sullenly.  “You probably don’t want to hear any of this.”

Lena gave her a half smile.  Kara was right; she didn’t.  But she also didn’t want to be unkind.

“It’s ok,” she said politely.  “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with my horrible family.  And for what it’s worth, I think that Lex is a thousand times more dangerous than Lillian.  I’d take this seriously, if I were you.  He might come after you for sport.”

Kara glanced up, her eyes dark.  “Ok.  Thanks for the warning.”

“Don’t mention it.  Have a good day.”

Lena started to walk back inside, but Kara said, “Wait...” 

Lena turned around.  Kara was rubbing the back of her neck.

“Sorry.  I… I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I’m sorry again that I hurt you.  But I… I want to make amends if I can…”

Lena held up her hand.  No good could come from reopening this wound.

“Please, Kara,” she interrupted gently.  “I don’t want you to feel guilty every time you see me.  It will be easier for both of us if we can let go of the past.  Ok?”

Kara was still for a moment.

“Forget I said anything then,” she said softly.  “I… I guess I’ll let you know when I want to meet Snowbird.  Bye Lena.”

In the blink of an eye, she was zooming out over the ocean.

Lena watched her go.  As awkward as that entire interaction was, it hadn’t been too bad.  And that was a promising sign.  Thanks to Snowbird, Kara might be around more, and the sooner they could get to a polite détente, the better.

She went back inside, glad she could cross the first thing off her list and get on with her day.

——-

As Frank drove her home, Lena leaned back against the leather headrest of her seat, stealing a minute to decompress.  

She was tired.  In addition to all her high-pressure corporate responsibilities, she had snuck out onto the balcony at lunch, opened a secure line, and called a managing director at a law firm, whom she served with on the board of the National City Museum of Fine Arts.  

She had asked if he could lead a confidential investigation to find out if Eve had embezzled from L-Corp, as well as discover if anybody else was working with Lex.  He had said he would need to assemble a large team:  forensic accountants, security experts, and naturally, lawyers to coordinate with the District Attorney and the FBI.  Lena also hoped they could gather enough evidence to get the Bureau of Prisons to take action against Lex and cut him off from the world.  

It would cost a fortune, but she had no choice. 

Eve hadn’t seemed to notice that anything was amiss; she was her usual, perky, efficient self.  Lena had felt cold watching her bustle around the office.  What kind of person could live a double life for years?  When Lena had learned that Lillian was leading Cadmus, she had only needed to lie to her for a few weeks, just long enough to sabotage her plans, and even that had been immensely stressful.

In a way, though, Lena felt sorry for Eve, for squandering her loyalty on someone who would never return it.  Lex sucked people dry and threw them away when they ceased to be useful.  Hopefully Snowbird no longer had value to him, but that was probably wishful thinking.

And it meant that Snowbird needed to stay under the radar.  But it would be a pity to stifle her talents.  She needed to go somewhere where she wouldn’t stand out like a sore thumb, where everybody else was a genius.  Somewhere like MIT or Harvard...  

“Ms. Luthor, we’re here.”

She glanced up and saw that they were already in the garage.  “Thank you, Frank,” she said, smiling at his bushy eyebrows and kind eyes in the rearview mirror.  “I can let myself out.” 

“Oh no, Ms. Luthor, I can’t let you do that,” he said in his gruff, grandfatherly way, and got out and opened the door for her.  “Have a nice evening.”

He tipped his hat and got back into the Rolls Royce to park it.

If it turned out that Frank had betrayed her too, Lena thought to herself as she got into the elevator and headed upstairs, she was going to go live in a cabin in the woods and never speak to anyone ever again.

The elevator doors slid open, and Snowbird was standing in the entryway, her smile as wide as her face.

She looked sporty, like she had just finished working out.  Her hair was up in a ponytail, and she was wearing a pair of Lena’s yoga pants that were so tight on her muscular thighs that they looked like they might split at the seams, and a too-small MIT t-shirt that stretched across her breasts and showed off her sinewy arms and a glimpse of those abs that Lena could not stop thinking about. 

Lena snapped her eyes up to Snowbird’s forehead to stop herself from ogling.  At the same time, she became aware there was classical music playing in the background, and that something smelled delicious.

“Hello!” Snowbird exclaimed.  “How was your day, Lena?”

It was like being greeted at the door by a golden retriever, if that golden retriever were an impossibly hot Kryptonian.

“Hi Snowbird,” Lena smiled back, resigning herself to the absurdity of this entire situation.  “My day was… busy.  But good.  How was yours?”

She stepped out of her stilettos and Snowbird took her coat and her bag.

“Great!” she said, hanging up the coat and setting the bag down on the credenza.  “Are you hungry?  I made dinner for us!”

She grabbed Lena’s hand and pulled her into the great room.  And to Lena’s surprise, the dining table was beautifully laid with china, tea lights, a bread basket, a salad bowl, and a bottle of wine in a stainless steel wine cooler.  And there was a cake on a cake stand on the kitchen island, along with a stack of textbooks.

Lena was astonished how warm, even cozy, her starkly minimalist apartment felt.  

She looked over at Snowbird, who was waiting for her to say something.  

“This is… lovely, Snowbird,” Lena said, still taking in the unexpected scene.  “You didn’t have to do all this...”

“But I wanted to!” Snowbird said happily.  “I read several cookbooks in the library but didn’t have a kitchen in the desert.  Let’s eat… I’m starving!”

She offered Lena an arm, walked her over to the dining table, and pulled out a chair for her.  It was very proper, despite how casually she was dressed, and Lena was bemused as she sat down.  Had Snowbird been reading etiquette books too?

Suddenly a quiche appeared on the table.  It looked amazing, the vegetables arrayed in a sunburst pattern in the custard, the crust golden-brown.  Snowbird put a large piece on Lena’s plate, took the rest for herself, and served the salad.  Then she lit the candles with her heat vision and sat down opposite Lena.

As Lena put her napkin on her lap, she glanced in the bread basket, which looked like it had three different types of bread.  

“Are those gougères?” she asked, impressed, taking one.  “I don’t even want to know how much butter you used today…”

“All of it!” Snowbird grinned and uncorked the wine.  “I hope you don’t mind.  There were so many recipes I wanted to try.”

“Not at all,” Lena said.  “You must have been cooking all day?” 

Snowbird poured their wine. 

“Yes, it was so much fun!  Cooking is chemistry, too!  You know, protein denaturation, the Maillard reaction…”

Lena laughed.  Snowbird was a nerd like she was, seeing science everywhere.  

“Well, to the Maillard reaction, then,” she said, smiling, raising her glass.  “And… to your future, Snowbird.”

Snowbird beamed as she sipped her wine and started to eat.

“Speaking of which,” Lena said brightly as she took a bite of quiche, “I was thinking, how would you like to go work in a lab at MIT or Harvard to get some research experience?  Once you publish a few papers, you’ll be on your way.  And I know a few bioengineering professors who could be great mentors for you.  I could make some calls in the morning if you want?”

Snowbird took a gougère and popped it into her mouth, chewing silently.  Lena watched her with growing concern as the seconds ticked by; she had thought Snowbird would be thrilled by the idea.

“Snowbird… what is it?” 

Snowbird tilted her head.

“Are you…” she said quietly, “are you sending me away, Lena?”

“No, of course not!” Lena said quickly, kicking herself.  She should have anticipated that Snowbird might be sensitive about feeling abandoned, especially given their conversation that morning.  

She tried to explain.

“Look, I just… I thought you might want to learn from the best.  And I loved my time at MIT… it was good for me.”

It really had been; after the old-money, finishing-school stuffiness of Mt. Helena’s, MIT had been like a cool ocean breeze.  Lena had been surrounded, for the first time, by people who hadn’t made her feel like a freak, who wanted to stay up late talking about quantum physics and non-Newtonian fluids, who didn’t care about her last name, only that she had managed to publish a Nature paper from her undergraduate research project while maintaining a 5.0 GPA.

“Why can’t I just work in a lab here?” Snowbird asked.

“Well, you could,” Lena said.  “NCU is a good university.  But… you are of a different calibre than the students there, and I think you’d need to hold yourself back, because you’re trying not to attract attention.”

Snowbird nodded and went back to eating.

And Lena felt awful; she could see that the light had gone out of her eyes.  

She set down her fork.

“Snowbird, I’m sorry,” she said, wanting to reset the conversation.  “MIT was just the first thing that came to mind.  If it’s not the right thing for you, it’s ok.  I should have asked you what you wanted before I suggested anything.”

Snowbird looked up from her plate.

“What I want… is to be with you, Lena,” she said, finding Lena’s eyes.  “I want… to touch you, and wake up with you, and talk about science with you, and cook dinner for you, and have sex with you.  But I can’t do any of that if I’m in Cambridge, so...”

Lena blushed to the tips of her ears.

No one had ever been as direct about their feelings for her.  Even Jack, when they had started dating, had flirted up a storm and left her guessing for weeks before they had hooked up one night after far too many drinks.  And James had played it so cool, she had never known where she stood with him.

But Snowbird seemed honest to a fault; she didn’t know any of those games. 

It was refreshing, and Lena realized this must be what people meant when they said that with the right person, everything would feel easy.

However, it also didn’t seem healthy for Snowbird to feel so strongly about her when they barely knew each other.  She might just be transferring her blind allegiance from one Luthor to another, or clutching to the one seemingly stable point in her life.  And Lena knew, whatever her own desires, she needed to put Snowbird first.

“Snowbird, that all sounds… wonderful,” Lena said.  “But, don’t you think you should meet more people before you decide that I’m the…”

Snowbird shook her head.  

“I could meet a million more people, and it wouldn’t change how I feel about you, Lena.”

It was flattering, but her confidence seemed naïve.

“How do you know?” Lena asked.  “There are a lot of people out there whom you might...”

“They’re not you,” Snowbird said simply, as though that settled everything.  

Lena sighed.  She needed Snowbird to listen to her.

“Snowbird…” she said seriously, “I’m the only person you trust right now, and it’s understandable that you’re growing attached to me.  But it wouldn’t be right for me to take advantage of you.  I really think you need to experience more of the world.  Go date other people.  Make some friends.  And then we can see how we feel about each other.  Ok?”

It felt a bit disingenuous to give Snowbird the exact same advice Sam had given her, but maybe it would be best for both of them to get out there and play the field.

All of a sudden, Snowbird was sitting next to her, and Lena’s pulse started racing.

“Lena,” Snowbird said, sounding amused, “how does anybody get any experience, if one needs experience to even try?”

It was a fair point.  Lena tried to formulate a response, but then Snowbird reached out and took one of Lena’s hands in hers.  

“And you wouldn’t be taking advantage of me,” she continued.  “I haven’t been alive very long, but I know what I want, and it would be unfair to be with someone else when I would just compare them to you.  But, Lena…” she said earnestly, “tell me you don’t feel this… connection between us, and I’ll go wherever you think is best for me.”

Lena swallowed.  Snowbird looked even more stunning in the candlelight, her skin glowing, her eyes shining.

It still felt like there had to be a catch.  Some way her heart would get shredded to pieces again.  But her resolve was crumbling under Snowbird’s hopeful gaze.

Something about Snowbird made Lena feel all soft inside, made her want to believe that this could work, made her want to take a chance. 

She looked down at their entwined hands.

“No, Snowbird, I…” she exhaled, “I feel it too…”

Snowbird smiled and leaned in.  And Lena’s mind dissolved as she sought out those perfect lips, wondering why she had held back, why she had fought this, when once Snowbird kissed her, once they were in each other’s arms, it felt like this had been inevitable, like it had always been meant to be.

Chapter Text

Snowbird nibbled on Lena’s lips, her tongue flitting inside with light licks, and Lena lost herself in the rhythm of their kisses, each one disappearing into the next, like waves rolling in on a beach.  

It was sweet and gentle.  But then Snowbird moaned and lifted Lena onto her lap, and Lena found herself straddling one of Snowbird’s legs.  The sudden pressure on her core sent a spike of desire through her, and she took Snowbird’s face in her hands and pressed their lips together hard, grinding down as they devoured each other, her dress riding up around her waist, Snowbird’s breasts rubbing against her stomach.

She could hear Snowbird’s breaths grow shallower.  

“Lena…” Snowbird finally groaned, looking up at her with hooded eyes, “I want you…”

“Then have me…” Lena gasped.  She took one of Snowbird’s hands and slid it up between her legs, shunting her panties to the side so Snowbird could feel how wet she was.

Snowbird’s eyes glowed.  Then suddenly Lena was on her bed, Snowbird practically ripping their clothes off.

“You’re beautiful, Lena…” she said, once they were naked, kneeling between Lena’s legs, reaching out and cupping her breasts.  “And so soft…” 

She bent down and took a nipple in her mouth, sucking on it, teasing it with her teeth.  Then she switched to the other, working it with her tongue while running a hand down Lena’s stomach to her mound.

Lena arched up.  “Touch me, please…”

Snowbird sat back immediately and spread Lena’s legs apart.

“Show me, Lena,” she growled.  “Show me how you like it…”

Lena let her knees fall to the mattress, opening herself up.  She was beyond foreplay at this stage - she needed to come hard and come fast - and she parted her lips with one hand and dipped two fingers inside, gliding them back up and around her clit.

“Like this…” she breathed, so turned on she could barely speak, “or you can… use your mouth…”

Snowbird was as still as a statue, staring at her with glazed eyes, her nostrils flaring.

Lena felt lewd and vulnerable at the same time, letting Snowbird watch exactly how she touched herself, how exactly to make her come.  It was intimate in a way she had always been too self-conscious to allow before.  But Snowbird was different, and it didn’t take long before Lena was on the edge, speeding towards a sharp orgasm when Snowbird leaned in and pulled her hands away.

Lena whimpered in frustration but the lust in Snowbird’s eyes silenced her.

“So pink,” Snowbird murmured, before running her forefinger up and down Lena’s slit.  “And wet...”

She put her finger in her mouth and sucked on it, then smiled.  “Salty, and tart.  You taste good, Lena… I like it.”

“Please…” Lena canted her hips up.  “I’m close…”

But Snowbird didn’t seem to be in any hurry.  She settled down between Lena’s legs and took a deep breath, drinking her in, then dragged her tongue up Lena’s slit, stopping just short of her clit.

“Smooth,” she marveled.  “Like silk…”

“Snowbird…” Lena fisted the sheets, her desperation mounting.  “I need to come...”

But Snowbird remained unhurried in her explorations, running her lips and teeth and tongue around Lena’s folds, like she was making a surface map of every contour of Lena’s pussy.

“Harder,” Lena begged.  “I need more pressure…”

Snowbird changed her focus, gently probing around Lena’s entrance with two fingers.  Then she pushed inside, systematically massaging Lena’s walls, one millimeter at a time. 

“It’s tight… but plush too,” Snowbird observed as she found Lena’s g-spot and crooked up.  “Are you usually this wet?  How does that feel?”

Lena could hardly breathe. 

“Incredible…” she choked out.  

Snowbird nodded, then started scissoring her fingers.

“How about this?  You seem very sensitive here.”

Lena was going out of her mind.

“Snowbird…” she pleaded.  After she came, she would let Snowbird explore and experiment to her heart’s content.  But right now, she was dying.  “My clit.  Please… touch my clit…”

Snowbird finally spread her lips wide open, exposing her neglected bud, which now felt to Lena like it was at least a foot long.

Snowbird pressed down on either side of it with her fingers, making it jut out, slipping the hood back so she could get a better look.

“It’s so cute…”

She blew on it, then flicked it with the tip of her tongue, her touch as light as a butterfly landing on a flower.  

It wasn’t nearly enough and Lena felt tears come to her eyes.

But then Snowbird sealed her lips around the stiff nub and pushed it up and down and around in the circles Lena needed.

“Oh…” Lena moaned, her clit feeling like it was being bathed in warm cream.  “Just like that… please don’t stop…”

Snowbird kept going but also slid back inside, the pads of her fingers rubbing up in tandem with her tongue, and Lena’s eyes slammed shut as it became too intense to have awareness of anything else except the pleasure that was building with each glorious stroke, swirling her higher and higher, lifting her up out of her body, until everything erupted, spasms of ecstasy overwhelming her, her mind whiting out completely.

She came down slowly, her pulse throbbing in her ears, her core fluttering with aftershocks, warmth spreading all over her.

“Jesus,” she sighed, putting a hand on Snowbird’s head to stop her tongue, which was still diligently licking away.  “I’m really your first?”

Snowbird lifted her head, her face wet with Lena’s slick.

“There were these books at the library…” she grinned.

Lena giggled.  Of course there were.

“… but also, I can hear when your heart speeds up, when you like something.  Like this…”

She crooked her fingers again, sending another wave of arousal through Lena.

Snowbird smiled and dropped her head back down, but although Lena could definitely go again, she stopped her. 

“Wait, Snowbird,” she said, propping herself up on her elbows.  “It’s your turn…”

She rolled them over so she was on top, and leaned down and gave Snowbird a slow kiss, tasting herself on Snowbird’s lips, enjoying the hot, velvet feel of her mouth.

“How do you want me to touch you?” she asked softly.

Snowbird’s eyes glowed.  “I… I want to feel you inside me when I come, Lena…”

Lena thought for a moment and leaned over and reached into her bedside table.  She found a curved, stainless steel wand and held it up so Snowbird could see.

“Let me warm you up… and then can we try this first?  Your contractions might be… forceful…”

Snowbird blushed.  “Ok,” she said understandingly.  Then she winked.  “But I’m already warmed up.”  

She sat back against the headboard and spread her legs apart.

Lena had to take a moment to admire her beauty.  Snowbird was like a statue come to life, her muscles sculpted, her proportions ideal, so flawless it was hard to believe she was real.  Lena could have studied her for hours, but was drawn to her wet hole, framed by her swollen clit and glistening folds.  

She licked her lips and lined up the wand, pushing it in slowly, hypnotized by the sight of the sleek metal pulling on soft flesh as it slipped inside.

Snowbird moaned, deep and guttural, and Lena rocked the wand back and forth so the heavy bulb on the end pressed against Snowbird’s g-spot, the wet squelches sounding a little obscene.  It sent a thrill through Lena to hear Snowbird gasp with every thrust, knowing how good she was making her feel.  

Lena steadily worked the wand, her arm tiring from its weight, but she kept at it, determined to blow Snowbird’s mind.  Then she braced her other hand against Snowbird’s mound and started to gently thumb her engorged clit.

Snowbird curled up, her abs straining.

“Oh Lena…” she panted, “it… it’s so… I… I’m going to…”

Suddenly there was a warm gush of fluid, soaking Lena’s hand, Snowbird’s face contorting in pleasure as she seized up.  

It was the hottest thing Lena had ever seen.  

She tried to pump the wand a few more times to help Snowbird through, but it wouldn’t budge while Snowbird pulsed around it, like it was being gripped in a vise.  But finally Snowbird collapsed back onto the mattress, and Lena tugged the wand loose and looked at it.  Its smooth curve had straightened out and was compressed in places, and the sphere on the end had flattened into a teardrop.

Lena was amazed.  It was surreal to see up close just how powerful Snowbird was.

“Well, maybe I won’t use my fingers tonight,” Lena said wryly as she set the wand down on her bedside table. 

“Sorry…” Snowbird said, hiding her face behind an arm.  “I’ll get you a new one…”

“It’s ok,” Lena smiled.  “But I have to say, I’m envious… I’ve never been able to squirt.”

Snowbird sat up at that.

“Do you mind if I try?” she asked eagerly.  “I can see your paraurethral glands and urethral sponge; maybe if I can stimulate them the right way…” 

She pushed Lena onto her back, then slid two fingers in and twisted them up, making Lena’s core flash with white-hot pleasure.

Holy shit…

If Snowbird could make her feel like this the first time they were having sex, Lena couldn’t imagine what it was going to be like once they had learned each other’s bodies.

Perhaps dating an alien with x-ray vision and superhearing had some benefits she hadn’t fully appreciated before.

——-

“Lena…”

A voice pierced through the darkness of her dreams.

“Hey.  Your phone is ringing,” Snowbird said, nuzzling her ear.  “Do you want me to get it for you?”

Lena couldn’t hear a thing, but faintly remembered she had left her phone in her bag by the elevator all night.  

“Uh, sure,” she yawned, not quite awake, and deliciously sore.

All of a sudden, her phone was in her hand, Snowbird back in bed next to her.

Lena shut off the alarm and saw she had seventeen text notifications and three missed calls.

“Shit,” she swore under her breath.  She turned on her bedside lamp and started going through her messages.  Her investment team was working on a few deals and needed guidance from her that she quickly provided, apologizing profusely for holding them up.  

And there were two texts from Kara.

[Kara Danvers, 7:42pm]  Hi Lena.  Can I stop by tomorrow morning before work?

[Kara Danvers, 9:40pm]  Hey did you see my text?

Lena typed back.

[Lena Luthor, 5:37am]  Hi sorry.  I didn’t check my phone last night.  After work would be better today.  Can you do 8pm?

She opened her calendar and checked her schedule for the day - it was packed as she had a quarterly earnings call with the Street - then put her phone down and turned back to Snowbird.  

“I have to get going.  What are you going to do today?”

Snowbird tilted her head.

“I thought I would go to Stanford.  To see how long it takes me to fly there, and to take a tour.”  She winked.  “I know it’s not MIT, but maybe you could find it acceptable?”

Palo Alto was five hundred miles from National City.  Snowbird could probably get there in fifteen minutes, which meant that she could commute.

It was perfect.  

“It‘ll do, I suppose,” Lena joked.  “Just please don’t turn into a tech bro, that’s all I ask.”

She started to get out of bed, but Snowbird reached over and pulled her back in and climbed on top of her.  Her golden hair tickled Lena’s face, and she had a playful smirk on her lips.

“Are you sure you have to leave right now?” 

She started kissing Lena’s neck, holding her wrists down, sending sparks of arousal straight to her nipples and clit.  

“I… can be… Jesus… a little late,” Lena said as Snowbird sucked a mark where her neck met her shoulder.

“Good,” Snowbird murmured.  “Because there were a couple things I wanted to try…”

“Like what?” Lena asked shakily, everything now primed and raring to go.

“Like this…”  

Snowbird flipped Lena over onto her hands and knees and blew a thin stream of cold air on her slit before spreading her cheeks and diving in.

Lena’s hips jerked forward.

“Oh fuck…” she moaned, burying her face in the pillow, the exquisite motions of Snowbird’s tongue making her legs weak.

It felt irresponsible, even a little louche, to be getting eaten out first thing in the morning, when she really should be getting ready for work, but also immensely gratifying that Snowbird couldn’t seem to keep her hands off of her.  Would every morning be like this?

God, she thought as Snowbird vibrated her tongue, I hope so.

Chapter Text

Lena arrived at L-Corp at seven-thirty, relaxed and glowing from that morning’s activities, unable to keep from smiling.  

Despite how she felt, she had decided to wear a black suit and put her hair up in a severe ponytail.  She had to look the part of a no-nonsense CEO today.

She walked into her office, thinking about the questions she might get from the equity analysts on the call, then saw red and blue out of the corner of her eye.  Kara was pacing back and forth on the balcony.

Surprised, Lena set her bag down and went outside.

“Kara,” she said curiously, walking up to her, “what are you doing here?” 

Kara stopped pacing and turned around.  Her eyes were wild and rimmed with red, and Lena recoiled, startled by her appearance.

“You’re sleeping with her,” Kara spat.  “What the fuck, Lena?”

Lena’s stomach dropped.  How did Kara know?  

It had probably been by accident, she reasoned.  Maybe Kara had been in the area.  Maybe Kara had even stopped by to see if she was ok, since she had uncharacteristically not responded to her texts.

But somehow, it hadn’t once occurred to Lena that, in a world where aliens could fly and see through walls, people could witness her most intimate moments without her knowledge.

And she was mortified.  

“Who I sleep with is none of your business, Kara,” she said evenly, trying to hide how rattled she felt.  

She turned to head back inside, but Kara zipped in front of her.

“It is my business,” she said, her eyes blazing, her face two inches from Lena’s.  “Snowbird is my clone!  And you said you were going to help her, not fuck her!”

Lena looked down.  

She believed that she, like anyone else, deserved privacy when it came to her personal life, as well as the right to disclose what she wanted, to whom she wanted.  She didn’t have any obligation to tell Kara anything, and anyway, things with Snowbird were evolving so rapidly that even twenty-four hours ago, Lena hadn’t known they would get together.

But she also could admit that Kara had seemed more than a little protective of Snowbird.  And now Lena could hear the confusion under her outrage.

Maybe, Lena thought, it had been a mistake not to have been more candid about the dynamic between her and Snowbird, and the possibility that a relationship might develop.  

Lena took a deep breath.

“Kara,” she said, trying to smooth the waters, “believe me, I didn’t plan this.  She made the first move, well, several moves… and I actually tried to dissuade her, but last night, she was very…” she couldn’t help but smile, “…persuasive.  So… if you’re worried that I’m using her, I’m not, ok?  I’m excited about her.”

Kara turned bright red.

“You’re excited about her,” she repeated.

Lena frowned.  She had thought Kara would be placated, but she seemed to be getting more and more worked up.

“Yes… I am…” Lena said hesitantly.

“So… you won’t even let me attempt to fix things between us, and now you’re excited about my clone?”  Kara exploded.  “Can’t you see how fucked up this is, Lena?” 

Fucked up?

Lena arched an eyebrow.  Kara was way out of line.  

She folded her arms.

“Kara, there is nothing fucked up about this.  She’s attracted to me, and it’s mutual.  Why wouldn’t we take the next step?  And I don’t know what you had hoped to accomplish by coming here, acting like a jealous lover.  I’m not going to stop seeing her because you and I are no longer friends.”

The words hung in the air as she stared Kara down.

Finally Kara lowered her eyes.

“I would never tell you to stop seeing anybody, Lena.  That’s not my place,” she said, her voice sounding hollow, exhausted.  “But… Snowbird isn’t... this isn’t… she’s not just anybody, Lena, she’s me if I had a clean slate...”

There was some truth to that, but Lena didn’t like how Kara was completely discounting Snowbird’s individuality.

“Kara, she might be your clone, but she’s not you.  You know there’s nature and nurture.  She loves science, she wants to be a bioengineer…”

Kara scoffed.

“She loves science because I love science!  I only gave it up here because it was Alex’s thing, but on Krypton, I would have been in the science guild...”

“That may be, but…”

“Lena, everything she is, she is because of me,” Kara said emphatically.  “And it is killing me that you see enough good in her to date her, but all you see in me are my mistakes.  Isn’t there… can’t you see there’s some good left in me too?”

Lena took a long breath.  

She could understand Kara’s argument, but she didn’t agree with it.  Kara’s ‘mistakes’ weren’t like scratches on a car that could be buffed away; they were more like catastrophic engine failure.

“I know there’s good in you, Kara,” she said, wanting to let her down gently again.  “But that doesn’t mean I want to rekindle things.  Can you please accept that?”

Kara bit her lip, deflated.  

“You don’t forgive, do you, Lena?” she said sadly.  “You just… move on…”

Lena felt heat rise to her face, her emotions suddenly boiling over.  

Was Kara actually blaming her for the end of their friendship?  

It was unbelievable.  The nerve of this woman.

Lena had been trying to be gracious and pull her punches.  But now… the gloves were off.

“And why shouldn’t I move on,” she snapped, “when every single person I’ve trusted in this world - including you, I might add - has found some way to hurt me?  Why shouldn’t I want to start over with someone who values me, who wants me, who hasn’t lied to my face?  You’re the one who fucked up, Kara.  Don’t you dare put this on me.”

She felt rooted to the spot, anger ripping through her like a forest fire.

Kara looked stricken.  

“Lena… I didn’t mean…” she quickly said, “I’m not putting this on you.  I know I fucked up.  And I am sorry.  I am so sorry I hurt you.  And I…” she looked up at the sky and exhaled, “Rao, I want to make things right.  Please, Lena… don’t shut the door on me...”

Lena rolled her eyes.  She had had enough.

“You shut the door on yourself, Kara,” she said acidly, “when you threw a bomb into our friendship and let it explode in my face.  We’re through.  Please leave me alone.”

She pushed past Kara and yanked open the door and marched inside, her heels clicking on the floor.

She was seething and she knew she had to calm down.  She had meetings starting in a half hour, and Eve would be there any minute.  

“You don’t forgive…”

What was so great about forgiveness, anyway?  Why should she be made to feel guilty about setting boundaries?  

She went and made herself a coffee and came back to her desk and pulled out her laptop.

She didn’t have time for this crap.  She had work to do.

——-

Lena got home just after eight, and Snowbird was waiting for her in the entryway again, wearing a sweatshirt with a big “S” on it, a huge grin on her face.

“Hey!” she said, taking Lena in her arms and kissing her like she hadn’t seen her for a week.  

“Stanford was awesome!” she exclaimed when they finally separated, Lena trying to catch her breath.  “I went to a few lectures - one on applications of data science on drug discovery, and one on genetic biomarkers for cancer, and one on…”

She hung up Lena’s coat, and as they walked into the great room, she talked about everything she had learned, and how beautiful Stanford’s campus was, with its red-tiled buildings and grand arcades, and the dry foothills beyond.  And best of all, she had found a bunch of new Stanford gear in a dumpster behind the student store.  

Lena’s heart sank as she listened.  By losing her temper that morning, she had probably torpedoed Snowbird’s chances of getting any help from Kara.  And without papers, Snowbird couldn’t apply to any full-time positions, and even an unpaid internship or an L-Corp-sponsored fellowship would require her to disclose her immigration status to Stanford.

“…but, how was your day?” Ella asked happily.

Lena went to the bar and poured herself a whiskey.  

“Do you want one?” she asked.

Snowbird shook her head ‘no’ and they went and sat down on the sofa.

“It was… mixed,” Lena said after taking a sip.  “The earnings call went very well.  At least, our stock price didn’t drop.  But, Snowbird… Kara and I had a fight this morning, and I don’t know if she’ll come through with your papers.  I’m sorry.”

Snowbird furrowed her brow.

“Oh?  But she stopped by earlier.”  She reached into a pocket and pulled out an envelope.

Lena set her glass down and took it.

There was a packet of papers inside, paperclipped together with a Social Security card on top.

“Ella Snow…” she read.

“Yes, I’m ‘Ella’ now!” Snowbird said delightedly.  “She chose it because I’m from the House of El!  And there’s a whole backstory!  I was born in Canada, but my family moved all around the world and homeschooled me, so that’s why people won’t be able to find a record of me going to school here…”

Lena stared at the card.

It was a golden ticket, assuring Snowbird’s future.  And while she would have liked to have helped Snowbird pick a name, ‘Ella’ was cute, and meaningful as well. 

But - and Lena knew it was petty to think this way - it also seemed like Kara was trying to make a point.  She had done the decent thing - taken the high road - and it made Lena feel like she was being heartless and unfair.  

But that was neither here nor there.  The important thing was that Ella’s path was now clear.

“Are you ok?” Ella asked softly, putting her arm around Lena.

Lena put the papers in the envelope and handed them back.  Then she put on a smile.

“Yes, I’m fine.  I’m glad you have documentation, and Ella’s a lovely name.”

Ella beamed.

“I like it too!  And Kara was so nice!  I asked her if she wanted to have dinner with us, but she said she didn’t want to bother you, and that I should take good care of you.  And you know what else?  Her mom wants to meet me, and she said I should come over for Sisters’ night with her and Alex sometime!”  

Suddenly Lena felt like she was standing on the tarmac, watching a plane take off without her.

“Uh… that’s great, Ella.” she said, feeling strangely empty.  “Um… please be careful when you meet.  Lex may be watching her.”

Ella made a face.  “Oh.  I hadn’t thought of that...”

They lapsed into silence, and Lena picked her glass up again and took another sip.

So Kara was… moving on.

She should be happy that Kara was respecting her wishes.

But deep down, although she had never consciously thought about it, she had taken for granted that Kara would always be there, agonizing over the loss of their friendship and desperate to reconcile.  And that she, Lena, would therefore have the upper hand, having the choice to end Kara’s banishment, or to continue it.  

But now that Kara was giving up, there was no longer any conflict between them, no equal and opposite reaction.  There was nothing.  Whatever tenuous thread binding them had snapped, and now they were both free. 

“Hey,” Ella nudged her.  “What are you thinking about?  You and Kara?”

She didn’t seem jealous, just curious, and Lena didn’t feel a need to hide anything.  

“Well, yes,” she admitted.  “But… it’s… I don’t… I don’t want to dwell on it.  I would rather think about the future.”

Ella tilted her head.

“Me too.  But Lena,” she said gravely, “about our future, I have a question for you.”

Lena looked over at her, concerned.  “What is it?”

Ella broke into a grin and rubbed her stomach.  “Does it include pizza?  I’m hungry!”

Lena laughed, the stress inside her draining away.

It was disarming how easily Ella could make her feel better.  She was good-hearted and affectionate, and could be happy with a free sweatshirt and a full belly.  She made things seem simple.  

And simple was what Lena needed right now.  Something simple and loving and good, without any drama or hurt or doubt.

“Yes, darling,” she said, leaning over and giving Ella a kiss on the cheek.  “It’s full of pizza.  All the pizza you can eat.”

She pulled out her phone and ordered for them, then curled up against Ella and rested her head on Ella’s shoulder, closing her eyes and relaxing as she listened to the solid, steady beat of Ella’s heart.

Chapter Text

Four months later

Lena’s phone buzzed as she walked into her apartment Friday night, and she opened her encrypted messaging app.

[Ella Snow, 8:23pm]  At Noonan’s, be home soon!

[Lena Luthor, 8:23pm]  Can’t wait, darling

Lena smiled.  She went to her bedroom, changing out of her work clothes into a sweatshirt and leggings, then to the kitchen to get out plates and cutlery, her anticipation growing with each passing minute.  

For the past week and a half, Ella had been staying at her place in Palo Alto, because she had been working around the clock to generate the final data she needed to submit a paper for publication.  In just four months, she had formulated a research question on alien signaling pathways, developed a new in vitro technique to characterize the cascades, and had enough novel observations that her lab head thought she had a shot at being published in Cell.

Lena was proud of her, but ten days had felt like an eternity.  

Although Ella had made a few friends in her department and was frequently invited to dinners and parties and trips to Tahoe and Napa Valley, she still came home most nights and weekends, full of wonder about everything she was experiencing.  And Lena loved listening to her; even small things - a really good burrito, an interesting flower, an unusual sculpture - seemed magical in Ella’s eyes.  

It had been dull without her around.  Lena missed working on her laptop at the kitchen island while Ella cooked and talked excitedly about her day.  And cuddling on the sofa, a blanket draped over their laps while they watched a movie.  And reading in bed together, Ella’s eyes flickering back and forth as she sped through two or three books.

And… she missed the sex.  Sex with James had been fine, but now Lena had a partner she was unbelievably attracted to, and whose hunger for her seemed as infinite as her stamina.  She felt almost feral, nervous energy pulsing through her, eager for Ella’s return.

The balcony door opened and Lena looked up, her heart skipping a beat.

Ella had taken to wearing a black leather jacket, jeans, and motorcycle boots on her flights to keep warm.  The look was devastating, no matter how many times Lena had seen it before, and she had to stop herself from drooling.  But Ella seemed unaware of the effect she was having, walking over with Noonan’s takeout bags in both hands, a backpack on her back, beaming from ear to ear.

“Hey you,” Lena said, wondering again how she had gotten so lucky.  “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Lena!” Ella said as she walked over to the kitchen.  “I’m sorry it took so long, but we finally submitted today!”

She gave Lena a kiss on the cheek, set the food on the island, and shrugged off her backpack.

“Well, that’s something to celebrate, darling,” Lena said warmly.  “Let me get out the champagne.”

She turned to get a bottle out of the wine refrigerator, but Ella grabbed her arm.   

“It’s ok, it hasn’t been accepted yet!” she said.  “But if it is… maybe we could go to Rajasthan?”

Rajasthan?

“What was that?” Lena said, not sure if she had heard correctly.  But then her thoughts became muddled as Ella easily lifted her onto the island and leaned in, standing between her legs.

“I was reading about this palace…” Ella said, soft in Lena’s ear, “that was built in the middle of a lake… in Udaipur…”

Her voice was like honey.

“…it looks like it’s floating… like a lantern on the water… like a mirage…”

“A mirage…” Lena echoed, closing her eyes.  She could imagine being rowed across Lake Pichola at sunset, Ella kissing her as the gentle waves rocked their boat and the shimmering palace grew nearer, cormorants gliding over the waters beside them.

Ella’s breath ghosted down her cheek and suddenly Lena couldn’t stand it any longer and surged forward, her lips meeting Ella’s, quenching her thirst after so many days apart, like ice-cold water on a sweltering night.

Then Ella stepped back.  

“So how about it?” she asked hopefully.  “If it’s accepted, can we go at Christmas?  That’s supposed to be a good time, not too hot…”

Christmas was six weeks away and Lena abruptly realized that Ella was serious.  

“Wait, you really want to go to India?”

“Would I be asking if I didn’t?” Ella smiled cheekily.  “I know we don’t want to be seen in public, but it’s on the other side of the world, so…”

Lena frowned.  She and Ella had agreed that no one could know that they were seeing each other:  a rumor in the tabloids or a random picture on social media could alert Lex to Ella’s whereabouts.

It was a risk Lena still worried about.  Even though Lex had been moved to a new supermax prison, the Bureau of Prisons had no idea what all he had been doing during his time at Stryker’s; he had somehow gotten wind of Eve’s arrest and destroyed his computers before agents could retrieve anything from his cell.  So Lena had asked her lawyers to continue their investigation into his organization, but it was slow going.

Knowing that he might seek revenge, she had also beefed up her own security, installing exterior sensors and cameras and refractive scatterfields so that she could detect when drones or aliens flew by her penthouse and prevent them from seeing inside, as well as keeping bodyguards around her at all times, except when she was at one of her properties, which were almost like fortresses.  

And she and Ella took several precautions so her staff wouldn’t catch on to Ella’s presence:  Ella always brought groceries or takeout on the nights she stayed, and took the trash with her in the mornings.  She hid her toothbrush in the back of a drawer and kept all her things in Palo Alto, except for some clothes that she carried with her.

And Lena hadn’t told a soul about Ella, not even Sam.  

“Lena?” Ella said, her eyebrows knitting together.  “What do you think?”

Lena sighed.  Normally she loved to travel, and in particular, she’d always wanted to go back to the Golden Triangle.  

“Ella, I would love to go with you.  But… don’t you think people would notice us?”

“Would they?” Ella looked surprised.

Lena nodded.  There would be a lot of other tourists around, and she would probably be recognized.  And unfortunately, there was no way to stop people from posting about her and her ‘friend.’

“Darling, social media is everywhere.  And paparazzi too.”

Ella’s eyes darkened.  “Why do people feel a need to take your picture?”

Lena had long ago come to terms with being a Luthor and the notoriety it brought.

“I wish they didn’t, but they do.”  

“What if we wear disguises?” Ella suggested.  “Baseball caps?  Sunglasses?  Wigs?”

Lena shook her head.  She would still need a security entourage around her.  They would be conspicuous no matter what.

“I don’t know, Ella… it’s always a production when I travel.  Maybe when things settle down?”

Ella made a face, but said, “I understand.”

Lena gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m sorry it has to be this way right now.”

Ella pushed her hair behind her ear.  “It’s ok, Lena,” she said genially.  “You’re famous, I guess.”

“Not by choice,” Lena said ruefully, but glad they were on the same page.  She slid off the counter.  “Anyway, you must be hungry?  Want to have dinner?”  

She started unpacking the food, but felt a finger slowly trace around the shell of her ear, then down the back of her neck.

She shivered and looked over to find Ella’s eyes glowing at her.

“No…” Ella said, her voice low as she stepped in.  “I’m hungry, but I think dinner can wait, don’t you?

——-

Two weeks later, Lena slept in on Saturday morning, after a late night hosting a gala for Luthor Children’s.  

The bedroom was filled with light by the time she woke up, and she put on a robe over her négligée and went out to the kitchen.

There was a pot of coffee and a paper waiting for her on the island, and Ella was wearing an apron over her pajamas, rolling out some dough, her face scrunched up in concentration.

Lena came over and hugged her, putting her cheek against Ella’s back.

“Good morning, darling.”

“Morning,” Ella said, not stopping her work.

“What are you making?” Lena asked, watching as Ella folded the dough over onto itself and rolled it out again.

“A mille-feuille,” Ella answered.  She repeated the steps again and again while Lena stood beside her, and Lena decided to leave her alone, knowing that pastry had to be worked rapidly to ensure the butter stayed cold.  

She walked around the island, sat down on a barstool, drank her coffee, and read the front page.  But after a while, the silence bothered her.  Ella was usually chatty while she baked, talking about the history and chemistry of whatever she was making, but today she was completely mute.

Lena finally decided to call her on it.

She put down the newspaper and asked, “Darling, is something the matter?” 

“Oh… it’s nothing,” Ella said, not making eye contact.

She folded up the dough and put it in the refrigerator to chill, grabbed a sponge, and wiped off the counter.

Lena watched her.  “It doesn’t seem like nothing?”

Ella finished cleaning up, then got out milk and sugar and a few other ingredients.  

“Ok,” she said as she put everything on the counter.  “There’s a woman who’s doing her M.D./Ph.D. who works in the lab next door to mine, and while I was finishing stuff up last night, she came over to my desk and… asked me out.  And I…” she blushed furiously, “I didn’t know what to say, and I ran away, and I don’t know how I’m going to face her when I see her again on Monday, and…”

She ducked down to get a few mixing bowls and ramekins out of a cabinet.

Lena’s heart swelled.  

It was adorable that Ella could be so confident and comfortable with her, yet still so awkward with others.  Ella was having to learn a lifetime’s worth of social cues and behaviors all at once, and that couldn’t be easy.

“Oh Ella, I’m sure you were nice about it, and she’ll be fine.”

Ella popped back up and set the bowls on the counter.  

“No, you don’t understand!  I was so surprised, I didn’t say anything for over a minute, and she had to ask me if I was ok, and then I didn’t know what to do so I excused myself and ran out the door!  She probably thinks I’m an idiot now...”

Lena stifled a laugh, imagining Ella tripping over herself in her haste to get away.

“You must like her a lot if you got that flustered,” Lena teased.

Ella looked horrified.

“What?  No!  I don’t… not nearly as much as you!  And I didn’t do anything to make her think that I… I mean, our labs get lunch and play kickball, and we sit together sometimes, but I…”

“I was just kidding, darling,” Lena interrupted, taking pity on her.  “I trust you.”

Ella visibly relaxed.

“To be honest,” Lena winked, “I’m surprised it’s taken this long for someone to ask you out… are Stanford people blind?”

Ella looked down.  “Well… it wasn’t the first time.  I probably get asked out a few times a week…”

A few times a week?

Lena tilted her head, amused. 

“Wow, you’ve really been beating them off with a stick, huh?” she grinned.  “I had no idea - why didn’t you say anything?”

Ella flushed again.

“I didn’t think it was a big deal!” she said.  “I just tell them I’m not interested.  But… I see Olivia every day, and I feel like I need to give her a reason, because she’s funny and smart and we get along really well, and she wanted to go up to San Francisco and get morning buns from this famous bakery in the Mission and then for a hike in Marin, and… it sounded… nice...”

It did sound nice.  And it hit Lena that she shouldn’t be taking any of this lightly.  

“I wish…” Ella said quietly, as she measured and poured some milk into a bowl, “I wish I could tell people I have an amazing girlfriend already.  Then they’d know not to ask me out.  And, you could come to the department holiday party next week and meet my friends, and I could show you my lab…”

She gave Lena a small smile, and Lena felt a prick of sadness.

What Ella wanted was perfectly reasonable.  But with Lex still in the picture, it was impossible.

“Ella…” she said softly, “I wish I could.  But I don’t think it’s safe right now.”

Ella split and scraped a vanilla bean and tossed it into the milk.

“I know.  But when do you think we could travel and tell people about us?” 

Lena took a sip of coffee.

“I think… we need to determine Lex’s sources and uses of funds.  And find his team.  And then we can reassess the risk, but I don’t think I can give you a timeline.  It’s dependent on what the investigation uncovers.”

Ella was quiet again as she got a spoon out of a drawer and stirred the milk, warming the bowl with her eyes.

“So… Kara told me she didn’t care that Lex knew where to find her,” she remarked.  “She said she won’t give up her life.  Is it… different for me?”

Ella and Kara hung out a couple times a month, and Ella and Lena had an implicit understanding that Lena didn’t want or need to hear about it.  But Kara was literally the only other person Ella could talk to about her life, and Lena thought it was good for Ella to consider other perspectives.

“Well, maybe you could ask her what she would do in your shoes,” Lena said.  “But, I doubt she would have chosen to be exposed.  She probably sleeps with one eye open.”

Ella kept stirring.  Then she sighed.

“You’re right, of course.  It’s just… I’m sad that we can’t do anything together.  It would have been fun for me to go with you last night, to see a bit of your world… that’s all.”

Lena could understand that.  And maybe their routine was getting a little stale.  

Then she had a thought.  She usually went up to Aspen at Christmas, but perhaps they could open the house a couple weeks early.

“Ella, would you want to go to the ranch next weekend?  At least it would be somewhere new?”

They would still have to avoid the staff, but it would be doable given that the ranch was 250 acres.  They could go hiking in the woods as long as Ella didn’t leave footprints.  Skiing would also be possible, separately, but together; they could do the same runs but not talk to each other so the bodyguards wouldn’t notice.  And Lena could ask not to be disturbed so they could have the lodge to themselves.

Ella broke into a smile.  “I’d like that, Lena.  Thank you.”  

She set the bowl aside and cracked an egg on the counter and passed the yolk back and forth, letting the egg white drip into a ramekin.

“So you won’t believe what happened in lab yesterday!  A delivery guy came by with a thousand bottles of reagent…”

She seemed back to normal, and Lena felt relieved.  

She knew the current situation wasn’t ideal, but with a little creativity, she felt confident they could make it work.

Chapter Text

Lena flew to Aspen on Friday afternoon and landed on her private air strip around five.  

As she stepped off the plane, she took a breath of the crisp, piney air and looked around.  The sun had set and the mountains surrounded them like jagged shadows, the sky dark purple as the last of the light faded, the stars starting to peek out.  The ground and trees were blanketed in snow, and she could make out the lodge in the distance, lit up like a flame at the top of a ridge.

How she loved it here.

Aspen had been a vanity purchase by Lionel, a billionaire’s trophy:  250 acres of woods and streams and a fishing pond, situated within twenty minutes of the town, with tennis and basketball courts, a hockey rink, a private ski lift, and a ten-bedroom lodge.  And there were a few three-bedroom “cottages” scattered around the property for guests.  

But despite the extravagance and an ungodly amount of taxidermy in almost every room of the lodge, Lena had enjoyed spending winter holidays here instead of at Luthor Mansion.  The timber and stone and leather of the ranch made it feel rustic and warm despite its size.  And she had craved the incredible freedom - especially after the stress of finals - of flying through the powder under a brilliant blue sky, of getting lost in a good book in an armchair by the fire.

And now, although she couldn’t fully escape the pressures of her job, the ranch was one of the few spots on earth where she could escape the cameras, where she could relax.

She and her bodyguards got into a waiting SUV, and her property manager, Connor, whisked them up to the lodge.  He parked under the porte-cochère and followed Lena into the foyer with her laptop bag; she didn’t have any other luggage, as her properties were fully stocked with everything she might need. 

“I understand you want privacy this weekend, Ms. Luthor,” he said, setting her bag down by the door.  “But please holler if you need anything.”

She thanked him and he went back to the car to drive her bodyguards to one of the far cottages.  Once she couldn’t hear the hum of the engine anymore, she picked up a tablet that controlled the electronics, disabled the perimeter sensors, and texted Ella that the coast was clear.

A few seconds later, Ella landed in front of the lodge. She carried a large backpack over her parka, and her blonde hair was down under a wool beanie, her cheeks rosy, like she had spent the whole day on the slopes.  

“Hey Lena!” she waved.  

Lena smiled; Ella would fit right in with all the leggy, blonde women who were everywhere in Aspen.

Ella came inside and gave Lena a quick kiss, her nose cold, like a puppy’s, and craned her head around.  “Gosh, this place is huge!”

It was; the foyer had cathedral ceilings and an enormous antler chandelier and a grand staircase that led to the upper floors, and Lena knew Ella could also see the rest of the house, including the indoor and outdoor pools, home theater, library, billiards room, and bowling alley.  

Lena shut the door behind her and re-engaged the sensors.

“I know, it’s a little absurd,” she acknowledged.  “But I’m glad you found it alright.  How was your flight?”

Ella took off her backpack and parka, revealing a festive red and green sweater and skinny jeans.

“Great!  It was super windy over the Sierra Nevadas and then flying up the Rockies!  I’m tired!  But it was really beautiful… the forests remind me of Kaznia, and I got here early and walked around the town, which is so cute!  All the shops are decorated for Christmas and I got some hot cocoa on the square, and…” she dug in her backpack, “this is for you…”

She pulled out two pairs of brown felt reindeer antlers and carefully slid a pair onto Lena’s head.

“They fit you, dear,” she said, barely keeping a straight face.

Lena groaned, although she was secretly charmed.  

“You are such a dork!” she said, rolling her eyes.

Ella took off her beanie and put her antlers on.  “Yes, but I’m your dork,” she said happily.

Then she reached inside the back pocket of her jeans and took out a slim red box and handed it to Lena.  

“This is for you, too.  To remember our first trip,” she said shyly.  “I’m so excited to be here with you...”

Lena opened it.  Inside was a thin gold chain with a little reindeer charm.  

She stared at it, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.  

Lionel had showered her with jewelry at Christmas:  Cartier bracelets and earrings in her stockings when she was a child, Van Cleef & Arpels necklaces and Patek Philippe watches as she got older.  

He had said that he knew that boarding school could get lonesome sometimes, and that he wanted her to have some reminders of her “old man” that she could carry with her.  And indeed, when she was having a bad day, she would turn the pieces this way and that, watching how the diamonds caught and scattered the light.  

Even after he had died, they had remained a comfort to her, talismans she could feel against her skin.  But after she had found out he was her biological father, she had put everything away and promised herself that she would never mistake gifts for love again.  

Yet somehow, this little trinket of Ella’s was bringing her to tears.

She let out a breath, and Ella furrowed her brow. 

“Don’t you like it?” she asked.  “I can return it…”

Lena wiped her eyes.  “No, sorry, darling.  I love it.  Thank you very much.”

She took the necklace out of its case and put it on, the delicate chain weightless around her neck, then stood on her tiptoes and gave Ella a kiss.

They stayed there for a while, kissing each other deep and slow, and Lena felt the hollowness in her chest replaced by a joy so exhilarating, she felt like she was floating away.

Then Ella pushed her up against the door.

“I want you so bad, Lena,” she breathed, her hand finding its way under Lena’s shirt, and Lena was suddenly tingling all over, her core pulsing with need.

Ella lightly skimmed two fingers down Lena’s belly to her waistband and fumbled with the button on her jeans.  

Then she looked down and her antlers smacked Lena in the face.

She jumped back.  “Oh!  Sorry!” 

A giggle bubbled up in Lena’s chest.  

Her girlfriend - her insanely hot girlfriend - was about to ravish her, wearing felt antlers and an ugly Christmas sweater.

It was too ridiculous for words.

She turned away, laughter rippling through her until tears ran down her cheeks, the spasms making her stomach ache.

Ella blinked at her.

“You’re all over the place tonight, Lena,” she said, confused.  “Are you ok?”

Lena nodded ‘yes’ as she struggled to breathe. 

Finally she got ahold of herself and straightened up.  “I love you, darling,” she gasped, wiping her eyes again, “you and your stupid antlers.”

As the words left her mouth, she froze, realizing what she had said.  

It was too soon.  Way too soon.

But Ella immediately broke into a radiant smile, sweeping her fears away.

“I love you too, Lena,” she said and took her in her arms again.

“But you know,” she added, gazing sincerely into Lena’s eyes, “I don’t think the antlers are stupid.  Some might even say they’re endearing…”

Oh my god.

The rest of Ella’s words were muffled as Lena reached up and cut her off with a kiss.

——-

Lena woke up at six-thirty, feeling Ella’s warmth all along her naked back, and Ella’s arm draped around her stomach.

She smiled in the dark, remembering snippets of the night before:  the giant dinner they cooked together after they had gone a few rounds, Ella’s delight at the popcorn machine and stadium seating in the home theater (“It’s just like the movies!”), holding hands and making out like a pair of teenagers on a date.

Lena had never felt so secure with anyone before.  Ella’s love felt infinite, like the earth itself, surrounding her as far as the eye could see, so real she could sink to her knees and cup it in her hands.

Maybe it was being in Aspen, away from the rest of the world, but she could picture a future here with Ella, even having a family with her, a couple of toddlers who would faceplant in the snow as they learned to ski and get whipped cream on their noses whenever they drank hot chocolate. 

She let out a contented sigh and Ella stirred.

“‘m tired…” she mumbled into Lena’s neck.

It was still hard to believe that someone so powerful could be so cuddly.

“Sorry for waking you, darling,” Lena whispered.  “You can sleep in… I’ll be downstairs.”

She tried to pull herself out of Ella’s embrace but Ella made a snuffly noise and hugged her tighter.

“No, stay…” she said, her voice thick.  “I’ll get up… we’re only here for the weekend…”

Lena wriggled around to turn towards her.  Ella’s eyes were still closed and her face was smushed against the pillow, and Lena reached out and stroked her cheek.

“Please rest, ok?  We don’t have anywhere to be.”

Ella opened her eyes, suddenly wide awake.

“We do, though, Lena!” she exclaimed, looking at Lena as though she were crazy.  “We need to go skiing, and the fudge at this shop in town smelled amazing, and… oh!  There was this breakfast place near there…”

Lena felt like she had whiplash as Ella went from zero to a hundred in an instant.

“…it was closed when I walked by yesterday, but they’re supposed to have ‘world-famous’ oatmeal pancakes!  Can we go?  Even if we’re not at the same table, it would be fun to eat at…”

“Hold on a sec,” Lena said, trying to keep up.  “Do you mean the one by the gondola?”

“Yes, that one!” 

Lena knew the restaurant; it usually had a line out the door.  And unfortunately, her security team would object.  They had to ensure she had clear exit routes, and crowds were a problem.  Her presence would also kill the vibe at a place like that.

“Ella… it’ll be busy and I doubt they’ll appreciate it when my bodyguards ask people to move out of my way.”

Ella made a face.

“But they’re supposed to have the best pancakes in town!” she said plaintively.

She looked genuinely disappointed and Lena hated to deprive her.

“Then…” she thought quickly, “why don’t I ask Connor to see if one of their cooks can come and make breakfast here tomorrow?”

Ella’s eyes widened. 

“Lena!  You can’t just… that’s too much.  I can get takeout.  Or we can go somewhere quieter.”

“If you’d rather, but I don’t mind asking.”

Ella shook her head.  “Let’s just go somewhere else.”

She still didn’t look a hundred percent happy, but Lena didn’t want to push her.  

“Ok.  I’ll ask my team to find a good spot.  Thank you for being flexible,” she said.  “Want to leave in a half-hour?”

Ella nodded, and Lena got her phone and texted Connor to get the car ready with her skis and to find a suitable place for breakfast.  

Then she sat up and stretched.  “I’m going to have a shower,” she said, and looked down at Ella, who was still buried under the covers.  “Care to join me?” she winked, hoping to get Ella’s morning back on track.

Ella grinned and she threw off the duvet, displaying her lean, toned body, and Lena swallowed, suddenly picturing Ella sitting at the edge of the hot tub, her thighs taut and trembling around Lena’s head as Lena tongued her clit.

“On second thought, Ella… let’s leave in forty-five.  Have you ever been in a hot tub?”

———

They had breakfast at the St. Regis and skied for a few hours, then came back to the house for a late lunch, after which Lena was ready to take a nap or read a book.

But Ella was still bouncing off the walls.

“What do you want to do now?” she asked as she brought the rest of the dishes over to Lena, who loaded them into the dishwasher.  “Snowboarding looked fun!  People were doing tricks!”

Lena could tell that she would be sore just from the half-day skiing.  But there were still a few hours of daylight left and she knew they could read later.  

“How about a walk?” she gestured to the woods behind the house. 

“Ok!” Ella said.  She zoomed around the kitchen and finished all the clean up in a few seconds.  

“Do you want to meet me there?” Lena asked.  “I don’t think anyone is around, but just in case.”

“Sure!” Ella was instantly in her parka and flew out the back door.

Lena put on her jacket and boots, then went out to the barn and got out a pair of snowshoes and poles.  She trekked over to the nearest trailhead and found Ella doing backflips in the air, ten feet off the ground.

“Show off,” Lena said dryly, grinning at her.

“Who, me?” Ella grinned back and did another flip.  “Just trying to stay warm!”

The fir trees towered over them, sunlight dappling the snow-covered ground, and they made their way along the trail to an overlook on the other side of the property.  Lena was out of breath by the time they got up there.  But it was worth it for the view.  The massive mountains seemed to reach the heavens, the green and white foothills below like a rumpled sheet on an unmade bed.

“Wow,” Ella said, floating beside her.  “And all this is yours?”

“No, definitely not!” Lena said.  “Just up to there.”  She pointed to a line of trees a little ways away.

“Still!  You own a forest!” Ella said in awe.  Then she scratched her head.  “Isn’t it weird that you can own nature?  Like, all the plants and animals have no clue they’re on your property!”

Lena smiled and looked down, tapping some snow off her snowshoes with a pole.  

“Yes, property rights are certainly artificial,” she said.  “But if humans didn’t have them, there would be a lot more violence, because most of our history is people fighting over land…”

All of a sudden, she saw blooms of bright red in the snow by Ella’s boots.

She glanced up.

Blood was streaming out of both Ella’s nostrils and dripping off her face, and the shock of it made Lena gasp.

What on earth?

Ella touched her fingers to her face and pulled them away, staring at them.

“Lena… what’s… what’s happening to me?”

Chapter Text

Lena threw down her poles and took off her gloves and pinched the bridge of Ella’s nose to staunch the flow.  

“Lean forward and put pressure here, ok?  It looks like a bloody nose...”

The mountain air was definitely thin and dry, Lena thought, as Ella grimaced and took over.  But a bloody nose meant that Ella’s capillaries were damaged.  How was that possible?

Ella suddenly swayed and Lena grabbed her to keep her from falling.

“Lena…” Ella said weakly.  “I feel… weird…”

Lena took a breath and looked around.  There was a large tree down at the side of the path. 

“Over there,” she said, guiding Ella to the log and dusting the snow off the top. 

Ella sat, her breaths shallow.  She was pale and starting to sweat, and Lena crouched down and felt her forehead, then her neck for her pulse.  Her skin was clammy and her pulse seemed slow and weak.

“Darling, can you describe how you’re feeling?” Lena asked, trying to keep her voice steady even as her insides were starting to churn with worry.

Ella pulled her hand away from her face.  It looked like the bleeding had stopped.

“Dizzy… everything’s spinning,” she said softly.  “I’m cold.”

Lena took off her jacket and spread it on the ground in front of the log.

“Lie down?  We need to elevate your legs.”

“Lena... I…” 

Ella’s eyes rolled back into her head and she pitched backwards.

Oh god.

Lena sprang over and caught her and dragged her onto the jacket, lifting her legs up so they were resting on the log.

Then she knelt in the snow and put her ear to Ella’s mouth.  At least Ella was breathing steadily.  But syncope could be related to a heart attack, or a pulmonary embolism.  

“Ella?” Lena said, first softly, then louder.  “Ella?”

There was no response.

She lifted one of Ella’s eyelids.  Ella stared back at her, sightless.

Lena’s heart started racing.  

She pinched the bridge of Ella’s nose with her other hand, gradually applying more pressure to the supraorbital nerve, but even at full strength, Ella didn’t move at all.  

Fuck.

Lena fumbled for her phone and turned on the camera light and shined it in Ella’s eyes, but Ella’s pupils didn’t constrict.  

Coma.  She’s in a coma.

She took a deep breath.

What do I do now?

Coma could be caused by any number of conditions, none of them good.  Ella needed medical care, urgently.  But taking her to the emergency department in Aspen would cause a major scene and expose her as an alien.  And anyway, they wouldn’t know how to treat her.

She had to get Ella back to her lab.

Supergirl.  I need Supergirl.

She was the only option.  Lena just hoped it wouldn’t be too late.

She dialed Kara, almost dropping her phone because her hands were shaking so hard.  Her heart was beating like a bass drum as she willed Kara to pick up.

Come on come on come on

Finally Kara answered.

“Lena?” she said, sounding confused.

Kara’s phone might be bugged, and Lena knew she couldn’t just come out and say she needed help.

“Hey Kara!” she said brightly.  “Long time no talk!”

“Uh… yeah.  What’s…”

“Hey, you know what?” Lena said, intentionally over-enthusiastic.  “I’m in Aspen and the snow has fallen, and it made me wish you were here!”

“Um…” Kara said.  “In Aspen?”

“Yes,” Lena tried again.  “I wish you were here.  In Aspen.  Because of the snow.  Remember that time… the snow fell, and… your sister…”

There was a long pause.

“Uh…” Kara said.  “Hey, Lena?  Sorry, I have to go.  Thanks for calling.”

She hung up and Lena debated calling her back, not sure that she had understood.

Then her phone buzzed.

[Kara Danvers, 2:43pm]  Where are you staying 

Lena exhaled.

[Lena Luthor, 2:43pm]  Luthor ranch.  East of the town, off Hwy 82

[Kara Danvers, 2:43pm]  Must be nice.  Have a great time

Lena put her phone in her pocket and knelt down to check Ella’s breathing and pulse again.  They seemed steady, even though Ella looked a fright, with dried blood all over her nose and mouth and jacket and matting her hair.

Lena felt numb.  Ella had gone from invincible to unconscious in the blink of an eye.

Actually, that wasn’t true.  She had mentioned being tired and cold, which was unusual for her, but so innocuous, Lena had missed the signs completely.  

But clearly, something was seriously wrong. 

A flash of red and blue came barreling towards her, and she felt almost delirious with relief. 

Kara landed and blanched when she saw Ella.

“Oh Rao, Ella…” she said, looking her over.  “No wounds or clots, as far as I can see.  What happened?”

Lena was somewhat reassured there wasn’t a clot; it meant there was no acute danger.  

“I think she’s in a coma,” she said.  “And it was sudden.  First she had a bloody nose, then she said was cold, and then she fainted…”

Kara scanned Ella again.

“I’ll take her back to the DEO.  Alex can look after her until you return,” she said decisively.  Then she sized Lena up.  “How are you doing?  Do you want me to come back for you?”

She seemed so strong and confident, standing tall in her suit, her blonde hair flowing over her shoulders.  Just looking at her gave Lena hope that things might turn out alright.

“I… no, I’ll be fine,” she said.  She needed to take the plane back or there would be questions.  “But Kara, just… thank you.”

Kara gave her a small smile.

Then she took off her cape, draped it over Ella, and hoisted her up into a fireman’s carry.  As she rose into the air, the sun lit her from behind like a halo, and she sped away, a sonic boom shaking the trees a few seconds later.

Lena stood up.  In a daze, she called Connor to request that the plane be made ready to depart immediately, and to get her laptop from the lodge and pick her up at the trailhead.  

She kicked snow over Ella’s blood, put her jacket back on, and started sprinting back.  Her lungs were burning by the time she reached the clearing and got into the SUV.

It wasn’t until she was on the plane and her adrenaline had faded that it sank in that Ella might never wake up again.

There’s nothing you can do, she told herself to keep from spiraling, hugging herself tightly.  Not until you get back.

The flight back to National City was the longest two hours of her life.

——-

Lena hadn’t set foot inside the DEO for over six months.  

As she hurried through the lobby, she thought back to the last time she’d been here, when she and Brainy had worked together to cleanse the air of Kryptonite, before she had learned who Kara really was.  It felt like a lifetime ago.

A clean-cut officer in uniform was waiting for her at the front desk and snapped to attention.  

“This way, Ms. Luthor,” he said, quickly leading Lena up the central stairs to the med bay.  The glass walls of one of the examination rooms had been made opaque for privacy and there was an armed guard posted outside the door. 

The guard opened the door for her and she rushed in.

Ella was lying on a hospital bed in a flimsy gown under a military blanket, various monitoring devices wired to her body, and a saline bag was hooked up to an IV line in her arm.  Three sun lamps suffused the otherwise sterile room with a golden glow.

Lena took Ella’s hand, which felt cold to her, trying to tamp down the anxiety that was churning inside her.

On the plane, she had tried to think through what might be wrong.  But the reality was, she knew very little about Kryptonians beyond what she had learned about Reign.  In all the months she and Ella had been together, she had resisted the urge to turn her girlfriend into a project, not wanting to disrupt the dynamic of their relationship.  And Ella had also decided it would raise too many questions to study her own biology at Stanford (“How did you get Supergirl to give you a cell sample?”  “You kind of look like her!”) and had decided to investigate other species.  

It meant Lena would pretty much be starting from scratch.

The door opened and Alex walked inside with a white coat and stethoscope over her black combat suit, carrying a tablet.  Her hair was cut into a sleek asymmetric bob that highlighted the sharp angles of her face.  

“Lena,” she said, giving her a quick hug.  “I’m sorry this is how we get to reconnect.”

Lena felt a pang.  She had always liked Alex - she was smart, fierce, and self-assured - and after a few game nights, Lena had also learned how caring and loyal she was.  Over the years, they had become friends.

After Lena had broken things off with Kara, Alex had texted her to check in.  But Lena had needed a total separation from Kara’s world and told her that she wanted space.  They hadn’t been in contact since.

“Yes, it’s been a while.  I like your hair,” Lena said, gently laying Ella’s hand back down and taking off her jacket and spreading it on top of Ella to keep her warm.  “And thank you for looking after Ella.”

“She’s my sister,” Alex said simply, handing Lena the tablet.  “Anyway, I did a full work up…”

The tablet had real-time charts from Ella’s monitoring equipment and the beginnings of a medical record, and Lena started scrolling through while Alex ticked through her observations.

“No head trauma or swelling.  Blood tests came back normal, or normal as compared with Kara’s, therefore it’s likely not toxins, hypo- or hyper-glycemia, or pathogens.  Scans came back clean and her organs are functioning well.  No inflammation, which probably rules out auto-immune disorders.  Unfortunately, nothing obvious.”

“Could it be a deficiency of some kind, or a degenerative disease?” Lena mused, scanning the data.

“That’s what I was thinking, too,” Alex said.  “So… I biopsied the shit out of her and Kara so we could compare their cells and DNA.”

It was exactly what Lena would have done, and she was grateful that Alex was a step ahead.

But she also knew how painful biopsies could be, and she could imagine Kara gritting her teeth in agony as Alex punctured one organ after another with kryptonite needles.

“Oh.  Um… is Kara… ok?” Lena asked, handing back the tablet.

Alex shrugged.  “Yeah, she took it like a champ.  She’s recovering under the sun lamps next door.”

Lena was already feeling indebted to Kara, and this only added to her discomfort.  She knew at some point she would need to thank Kara properly, but even a short conversation was bound to be awkward.

“Hey… if you’re worried about running into her,” Alex looked at her knowingly, “if I know Kara, she’ll stay out of your way.  She won’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Lena bit her lip.  Was there no end to Kara’s kindness?  

“Oh.  That’s good of her…” Lena said, and quickly changed the subject.  “Um… what kind of genome sequencers do you have?”

“Oh, we’re an underfunded government agency, but we do have a few high-throughput, ultra-long-read nanopore devices,” Alex said wryly.  “They’re a couple years old but should do the job.”

Lena relaxed, feeling on firmer footing talking about science.

“Nice.  Ideally, we could sequence single cells to understand the heterogeneity of their DNA as well as differences between their genomes…”

They spent the next few minutes laying out a plan, then went upstairs to Alex’s old lab.  Lena set up a bench with the equipment she needed to prepare DNA libraries from Kara and Ella’s cells, and Alex went over to the fume hood to prep some cells for microscopy.

They worked in near silence for a while, with only the sound of the lab’s HVAC system in the background, and Lena lost herself in her work, blocking out everything except the protocol she was executing.

Then she heard Alex clear her throat.  

“How have you been, Lena?”

“Fine.  Busy,” Lena responded reflexively as she took some eppendorf tubes out of an incubator.

“We’ve missed you at game night,” Alex said, pipetting an ethanol solution over her cells.  “Did you know that Ella wipes the floor with everybody at Trivial Pursuit?  That girl knows everything.”

Lena cracked a smile.  She could imagine Ella blushing modestly when she won. 

“I’m not surprised,” Lena said.  “Her mind is like a steel trap.”

“It is,” Alex agreed.  “And she’s a good kid.  So polite, and curious about the world, and she always wants to help with everything.  Eliza loves her too, even if she has to bake a dozen pies whenever we all go home.”

Lena laughed.  Alex seemed to be genuinely fond of Ella, and it made Lena realize how nice it was to be talking about Ella with someone who adored her too.

Then Alex set down her pipette and swiveled around in her chair.

“As long as you’re here, Lena, I want to talk to you about Kara, if you’re open to it.”

“Um… ok,” Lena said, putting the tubes in a centrifuge.  She respected Alex for calling out the elephant in the room.  And given how much Alex had helped with Ella, Lena thought she should at least hear her out.

She sat down and took off her safety goggles and gave Alex her full attention.

Alex paused, as though she was choosing her words.

“I know that Kara betrayed your trust, Lena.  And you have every right to need space from her.  I would have walked away too, if I were in your shoes.  And I feel somewhat responsible for all of this.  Because I was suspicious of you when we met, and I may have planted a seed in Kara’s mind.  I’m sorry about that, because I was wrong about you.  But…” she raised an eyebrow, “I still hope, for Ella’s sake, that you and Kara can work through this.  As is, I don’t think I can invite you up to Midvale for Christmas dinner, even though you’re Ella’s girlfriend.  And that’s sad, because Eliza and I would love to have you there.”

Lena was completely caught off guard.

Not by Alex’s initial distrust of her, which was par for the course of being a Luthor.  But an invitation to the Danvers’ Christmas dinner was the last thing she would have ever expected.  And the fact that Alex was even considering extending it was a tacit approval of her and Ella’s relationship.  It was an approval Lena hadn’t known she had wanted until now.

She had also assumed that Alex would appeal to her by telling her how sad Kara was, and to remember the good times they’d had.  But instead, she had pointed out something that Lena hadn’t considered:  that as much as she might try to relegate Kara to the past, if things got more serious with Ella, Kara would be part of her future.  She would be family.

Lena knew better than anyone how dysfunctional families could be.  And she had always envied the well-adjusted ones.  And if she were honest with herself, it was the one thing she still yearned for, the one thing money couldn’t buy.

Yet she hadn’t really internalized that her estrangement with Kara was putting Ella in an increasingly difficult position.  Holidays were just the start.  If they got married, or had kids, the rift would cast a pall over everything. 

“I… I’ll think about it,” Lena said, feeling somewhat chastened.  

“Thanks, Lena,” Alex said sincerely.  “That’s all I ask.”

She turned back to the fume hood and picked up her pipette again, and Lena went to the refrigerator to get more samples.

She hadn’t thought much about Kara since their fight, as her life with Ella had been so fulfilling, and anyway, she wasn’t wired to brood about the past.  And as far as she had been concerned, the case was closed:  Kara had tried to cover up her mistakes, and anyone that self-serving could not be trusted.

And yet…

Kara had gotten Ella her papers.  And she had picked up the phone when Lena had needed her.  She had once again come to Lena’s aid, as she had countless times before.

It was a paradox:  how could someone so self-serving also be so… selfless?

Lena didn’t know.  But she was realizing that she just couldn’t summon the anger she had once felt towards Kara.  

Perhaps enough time had passed, or perhaps the happiness she had found with Ella had made her more inclined to be generous, or perhaps the possibility that Ella might die was making Kara’s faults seem trivial by comparison.  But it was as though her anger had dried up and blown away while she wasn’t looking, like dust in the wind.

At the same time, she wasn’t sure what a rapprochement would look like.  Tolerating each other’s presence at game night?  Smiling whilst passing the cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving?  

Deep down, Lena still couldn’t understand why Kara had let everything fall apart rather than tell her the truth.  

But if all they had to do was to get along at parties, maybe she could live with the hurt.  

The refrigerator beeped, and Lena quickly grabbed the cells she needed and shut the door.   

She was getting way ahead of herself.  

Once Ella was better, she could decide what to do about Kara.  But until then, she needed to focus.

Chapter Text

A couple hours later, Lena had just finished prepping the DNA samples and starting up the real-time sequencers when Alex called her over to the microscope.

“Have a look.  Ella’s cells are slightly larger than Kara’s.  And less elastic.  Like they’re older.”

Lena looked through the eyepiece at the cells, then sat back in her chair, trying to fit this new observation with everything else they knew.

“Ok… that would explain some loss of function.  But there’s nothing to suggest encephalopathy and there weren’t toxins in her bloodstream.  And normal aging shouldn’t cause a coma.”

“But maybe Kryptonian aging does, at least under a yellow sun.  That would be bad news for Kara,” Alex said, her face grim.  “Do we need to biopsy their cerebral cortices?  I had held off since it’s so invasive and I hadn’t seen any tumors…”

Lena’s mind was turning.

“Hang on,” she said, walking back to her computer to look at the sequencing data from the initial set of chromosomes.

“Here,” she picked up a pen and pointed at the screen. “Ella’s telomeres are much shorter than Kara’s.  The caps are degraded.”

Alex sat down next to her.  “That’s consistent with aging.  So what?”

Lena was lost in thought.

She had stopped her trials of the Harun-El after three subjects - including poor Adam - had died.

But the failed experiments had still demonstrated that the Harun-El somehow triggered processes where parts of the human genome were replaced or repaired by Kryptonian DNA, which overwrote harmful mutations and extended the telomeres at the ends of chromosomes.  And as the hybrid cells had taken over, the subjects had exhibited powers, but the stress of the transformation had caused them all to go into cardiac arrest.

However, Ella was Kryptonian, and even in her weakened state, Lena surmised that she might be able to weather the effects.  But under which circumstances did the Harun-El cause cells to enter mitosis, and under which did it repair them?  

There was only one way to find out.

“The Harun-El…” Lena said.

Alex turned towards her.  “What about it?” 

Lena spun the pen across her fingers.  “I have a hunch it could help Ella.”

“How?” Alex asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.  “Won’t it split her again?”

“It might,” Lena said.  “But it also might repair her DNA and reverse the aging process…”

She told Alex about her experiments, and Alex stood up and started pacing around, her eyes narrowing.

“Ok, wait… that conversation last Thanksgiving, about giving humans powers… that wasn’t theoretical?”

Lena was impressed.  Apparently Ella wasn’t the only one with a steel-trap memory.  

“No, but it might as well have been.  I’m a ways off from proving it’s safe for humans.”

Alex leaned back against a counter and crossed her arms, looking resigned.

“Someday, Lena, I want to talk to you about the bioethics of your research.  And your security protocols.  You need to be careful with that stuff.  But for now… I’m supportive of seeing what it does to Ella’s cells.  Also,” she said wryly, “I can barely afford to feed two Kryptonians, let alone three, so this had better not clone her.”

Lena laughed.  “I’ll take every conceivable precaution, Alex, I promise.” 

“Great,” Alex said, walking over to the fume hood.  “I can prep some more cells.  See you soon.”

Lena texted Frank to come get her, and went down to Ella’s room to grab her jacket.

Ella looked like she was sleeping peacefully under the sun lamps, her lips upturned in a slight smile, her skin as smooth as porcelain.  But it was hard for Lena to see her lying there, in that limbo between life and death, her mind locked away from the world.  

Before Lena’s emotions could overwhelm her, she gave Ella a kiss on the forehead and headed out, glancing briefly at the room next door, its windows also glowing with yellow light.

Then she swiftly ran down the stairs and out to the car.

——-

By the following afternoon, Lena was both hopeful and concerned.

She had ground the Harun-El into nanoparticles and pipetted a solution onto Ella’s cells, expecting the particles to be transported through the cell membrane and initiate DNA repair, as they had in humans.  

Instead, they had sublimated in a purple haze that had been absorbed into the cells, which instantly appeared younger and healthier again.  

She and Alex had repeated the experiment over and over, and even had excised a larger piece of tissue from Ella’s thigh to test, but the results were the same:  Ella’s cells were miraculously better, the Harun-El had vanished without a trace, and the energy of the system had increased, breaking all known laws of thermodynamics.

The most likely explanation was that Ella was a manifestation of the Harun-El.  But that raised a host of questions.  Was her matter even stable?  Was it linked to the Dark Valley or some other parallel dimension?  How did the energy transfer work?

Lena regretted not looking into all of this earlier.  She had been curious about the Harun-El’s potential to cure diseases, not its fundamental workings.  But to deeply understand its properties might take years, and that was time they simply didn’t have.

However, it also seemed unlikely that Ella would come out of her coma on her own.  And Lena’s bias was towards action and experimentation, as it had been when she was trying to help Sam.  They needed to stop Ella’s matter from decaying before it was too late.

And so, after grabbing a power bar for lunch, she loaded up a syringe with a low-concentration solution of Harun-El and saline, and Alex set up a crash cart, a genome sequencer, and a microscope in Ella’s room.

They both scrubbed in and came over to Ella, who was still lying peacefully on the bed.

“Are you ready?” Alex asked.

Lena nodded.  She wiped a patch of Ella’s right leg with alcohol, held her breath, and injected a microdose of Harun-El.  Then Alex took a biopsy of the site and rushed it under a microscope.

She fiddled with the focus, then gave Lena a thumbs up.

“Cells look healthy.  Let’s sequence the DNA…”

After testing several types of tissue and seeing no adverse effects, they decided to give a larger dose intravenously to enable the Harun-El to be distributed around Ella’s body.

Lena’s heart was pounding as she prepped an IV bag and hooked it up to the catheter in Ella’s arm.  Then she stood back and waited, her eyes darting back and forth between the monitors, watching for any changes.

Suddenly the fMRI started showing increased activity and Ella’s eyes flew open.

“Lena?” she said, her voice hoarse.  She scanned the room.  “Alex?  This isn’t Aspen…”

Alex let out a triumphant whoop and turned to Lena for a high-five.  

Lena weakly slapped Alex’s hand, not wanting to celebrate just yet.  But she felt cautiously optimistic that Ella may not have suffered any brain damage.

“Hello, darling,” she said, tears in her eyes, and leaned down and kissed Ella’s cheek.

Ella still seemed befuddled.  “What happened?  Where am I?”

“You’re at the DEO,” Lena took her hand, “and you’ve been in a coma for about twenty-four hours.  How do you feel?”

Ella’s eyes widened as she sat up.

“I feel fine!  Well, except I’m really hungry, and I want to brush my teeth, and this,” she jiggled her arm with the kryptonite catheter and scrunched up her nose, “hurts?”

Pain was clearly an unfamiliar sensation.

Alex laughed and tousled Ella’s hair.

“Welcome back, Ella.  We’ll get you something to eat, but let’s check you out first so we can get rid of all these tubes...”

Ella winked at her.  “Oh, do I have tuberculosis?”

Ok, she’s fine, Lena thought, even as Alex shot her an exasperated look and smacked Ella’s arm.  

Lena looked on as Alex did a full examination, Ella smiling at her the entire time.  

“Everything looks good,” Alex finally said, setting the tablet down.  “But let’s keep you under surveillance for the next thirty days to start, so we can make sure.  I want you to stop by every other day.  Now, do you want to freshen up?”

She showed Ella the bathroom and then excused herself, saying she would be back shortly with some food.

Lena sat down at the side of the bed, her fatigue hitting her all at once.  But she couldn’t shut her brain off, thinking about string theory and how energy conduits might work between dimensions, and why Ella’s matter would have started degrading in the first place.

Suddenly she felt a hand slide around her waist.

“Thank you for saving my life, Lena,” Ella said, leaning in. 

Her hair was damp and bedraggled and her hospital gown was askew, and Lena had never seen her look so wonderful.  

Ella’s mouth tasted like toothpaste, and Lena felt her chest tighten as they kissed.

Then Ella pulled back.  

“So… how sick am I?” she asked softly.

Looking into her eyes made Lena want to cry.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly, not wanting to sugarcoat anything.  

She talked Ella through everything they had learned about the Harun-El.  

Ella seemed to absorb the information calmly, but when Lena was done, she held her hand up in front of her and stared at it.

“Then… how long do you think I’ll hold this shape?”

“I don’t know,” Lena said.  “Maybe forever, with regular infusions.  Or maybe your matter is fragile.  It’s unclear.”

Ella’s hand dropped into her lap.

“I… don’t like not knowing,” she said quietly.  

“I know, darling,” Lena said, putting her arm around Ella’s shoulders.  “But I promise I will put everything I have towards figuring this out.”

Ella looked down, then suddenly cocked her head towards the door.

“It’s Alex!” she exclaimed happily.  “And potstickers!”

Alex walked in a minute later with four large foil containers.  She set them down on a table and handed one to Ella along with a pair of chopsticks and a few napkins.

“Six dozen potstickers,” she said, looking on with amusement as Ella tore the lid off of the container and started to stuff her face.  “I hope that’s enough to keep the wolf at the door.”

Ella swallowed the dumplings in her mouth.  “These are so good, Alex!  Thank you!”

“You’re welcome,” Alex said.  Then she reached into her pocket and took out a silver watch with a leather strap.  “And, Kara wanted me to give you this…”

Ella picked it up and studied it.  

Alex pushed up the cuff of her jacket to show she was wearing one too, then flipped up the case on hers.  Lena could see a button in the shape of the Super’s sigil.  

“If you press that,” Alex explained, “it sends out an ultrasonic signal that only Kryptonians can hear.  And Kara will drop everything and come to you.  So if you have any more health scares, use it, ok?”

Ella nodded and popped three more dumplings into her mouth.

Then Alex turned, and much to Lena’s surprise, handed her a watch as well.

“There’s one for you too, just in case Ella’s doesn’t work for some reason.”

The watch was heavy in Lena’s palm, and with its oversized face and chronograph bezel, it looked like a men’s diving watch, and was stylish enough that she thought she could probably get away with wearing it.  

Lena couldn’t help but feel grateful to Kara as she strapped the watch to her wrist.  And she knew she needed to bite the bullet and set things on a better path for the future.  

“Please thank Kara for me,” she said sincerely, standing up to give Alex a quick hug.  “And I can’t tell you how much I appreciate everything you did this weekend, Alex.  Would you like to come for dinner on Saturday?  I’ll invite Kara too.  Does eight work?”

Alex smiled.  “It does and I’d love to.  And let me know what I can bring… I make a mean cheesecake.”  Then she yawned.  “And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to crash.  I’m an old woman and can’t do these all-nighters anymore.”

“Bye, Alex, thank you,” Ella said with her mouth full.

Alex tousled her hair again and left.

Then Ella held up a potsticker.  

“This one is pork and leek… I’ve never had that combination before and it’s delicious!  Want to try?”

But all Lena wanted to do was to sleep.

“Why don’t I head home while you finish up?  I need a shower and a nap, and then maybe we can order dinner and watch a movie?”

It would be nice to have a lazy evening so they could unwind after the stress of the past day.

“Sure,” Ella said, her cheeks like a chipmunk’s.  “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Lena gave her a kiss and headed out.

In the car she texted Kara.

[Lena Luthor, 3:43pm]  Kara, would you like to come for dinner on Saturday at 8?  Alex is coming too

Kara texted back a couple minutes later.

[Kara Danvers, 3:45pm]  Thanks for the invite.  I can’t make it, sorry

Lena frowned.  That was too bad.  Having Alex there would have helped with seeing Kara again, but perhaps she and Ella could have them over together later.

[Lena Luthor, 3:45pm]  No problem.  Some other time then

Lena put her phone away and dozed off, the quiet hum of the Rolls’s engine lulling her to sleep.

Chapter Text

Ella was a little quiet over the next couple days, but she was also extra affectionate.  On Sunday night, as they tried to watch a movie, she kept stealing kisses and playing with Lena’s hair and caressing her back.  Finally they gave up the pretense entirely and headed to the bedroom.  Monday was similar; as soon as Lena came home, Ella threw her onto the bed and ate her out for almost an hour, until Lena was so blissed out she could hardly move.

On Tuesday, though, Ella let Lena know at the last minute that she was going flying and would be home late.  Lena left a light on and briefly stirred when Ella cuddled up next to her.  But the bed was cold when she woke up the next morning, and she felt unsettled.

Ella had left a note on her pillow:

Sorry, I couldn’t sleep.  I’ll be back at 7 for dinner.  Ella xxx

She had doodled a little reindeer next to her name and it made Lena smile.

[Lena Luthor, 5:32am]  Everything ok?  Where are you?

[Ella Snow, 5:32am]  Main Street Diner.  Eating pancakes

[Ella Snow, 5:32am]  Also pecan pie and a banana split

Lena giggled.

[Lena Luthor, 5:33am]  Breakfast of champions.  Enjoy, darling

[Lena Luthor, 5:33am]  How was your doctor’s visit 

[Ella Snow, 5:33am]  Fine.  No change since Sunday

[Lena Luthor, 5:33am]  I’m so glad

[Lena Luthor, 5:33am]  Noonan’s for dinner?  

[Ella Snow, 5:34am]  …

[Ella Snow, 5:34am]  Whatever you want

[Lena Luthor, 5:34am]  Ok.  Love you.  Have a good day

[Ella Snow, 5:34am]  You too

——-

Lena headed straight to her lab when she got into work.  L-Corp slowed down before the holidays, and she had been able to spend the past couple days setting up the equipment she needed to investigate the Harun-El.

She wanted to understand how the Harun-El was able to change form.  By supercooling its molecules, she found that in the presence of Kryptonian DNA, they became unstable, oscillating and occasionally aligning in a way that enabled energy to cross over from the pocket dimension.  

The effect was temporary, but she came home exhilarated by the discovery.  If she could control the quantum spin of the particles, maybe she could make Ella’s current form permanent.  

Lena kicked off her stilettos and walked into the great room.  Ella was working on her laptop at the kitchen island, dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans, her leather jacket draped over the back of the barstool.  Her backpack was at her feet and two Noonan’s takeout bags were on the counter.

She was adorable, the tip of her tongue peeking out of the corner of her mouth as she typed, her hair pulled back in a ponytail.  

“Hey stranger,” Lena said lightly, sitting down on a barstool and adjusting her dress, happy to be off her feet.

“Hey,” Ella replied.  She closed her computer and turned to give Lena a peck on the lips.  

Lena smiled.  “What were you working on?” she asked, excited to also tell Ella about her day.

Ella flushed. 

“Uh… a letter of resignation,” she said.  “I’m quitting my job.”

Lena was so surprised she lost her balance and almost slipped off her chair.

“What?” she asked.  “Ella, why?”

Ella avoided her eyes.  

“I, uh…” she said, playing with her fingers, “I got an email yesterday that my paper was accepted.”

“But that’s excellent news,” Lena replied, not understanding at all.  A Cell paper would make Ella’s early career.

Ella looked down at the countertop.

“I know.  And the whole lab was congratulating me, but… I felt like I had shown up to a party I wasn’t supposed to be at, and everyone else was having an amazing time and I was just standing there…”

Lena frowned.  Did Ella have imposter syndrome?  Or perhaps she was just so modest she felt self-conscious about the attention?

“Of course you’re supposed to be there, darling,” she said reassuringly, putting her hand on Ella’s arm.  “You worked really hard for this and you deserve it.  You’ll get used to the recognition.”

Ella pulled her arm away and rubbed the back of her neck. 

“No… I meant…” she said, making a face, “people were telling me how great this was, but I realized I didn’t care.”

She crossed her arms and looked down at her lap, and Lena could see the tension in her shoulders and back, which were as taut as a coiled spring.

What is going on?

“You don’t care?” she asked gently.  “But… I thought you loved science.”

“I did,” Ella said, her voice strained.  “I do.  But… if I only have another six months, or six weeks, or six days, it isn’t how I want to spend my time…”

Lena felt a rush of recognition.  Now it clicked.

She knew it was common for people who had had traumatic experiences to rethink their priorities, just as she had after Lex had been convicted.  And this might be the first time Ella had ever seriously contemplated her own mortality.  For someone who was almost invulnerable, all of this had to be enormously destabilizing. 

Maybe that was why Ella had been so physical over the past couple days; being touched might have been a simple affirmation that she was alive.  

But even if Ella were going through a full-blown existential crisis, quitting her job was a little extreme, and Lena didn’t want her to do anything she might later regret.

“It’s understandable that you’d feel that way, darling,” Lena said, putting a hand on Ella’s back, hoping to soothe her.  “But… you may also have six hundred years.  We don’t have to rush into anything.  Maybe you could take a leave of absence while we…”

Ella abruptly twisted towards Lena and shrugged off her hand.

“No.  I’m never going back,” she said, her eyes flashing.  “I might disintegrate at any moment, and I don’t want to have spent my last day locked in a clean room, running some experiment I’ll never see the results of.  I mean, why am I alive anyway, if it could all end tomorrow?  What’s the point?  It’s… it’s a fucking joke.”

She turned back to the island, her head down, tears pricking her eyes.

Lena slowly pulled her hand back.

She had never seen Ella get upset before, let alone be so cynical, and she felt wholly unequipped to help her.

She let out a long breath.  

“Ella, your life isn’t a joke, any more than mine is,” she said carefully.  “We all might die tomorrow, and we all have to make peace with that.  But I know this was sudden, and it’s absolutely ok that you feel this way.”

Ella uncrossed her arms and looked up at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” she apologized.  “I just… I feel like I’ve been… wasting my time.  There’s so much to do out there, but…” she said wistfully, “we can’t go on dates, or travel, or anything like that.  I’ve been shut up in here for the last five months… waiting for some future with you that may never come.”

Her words were like a knife to Lena’s gut.  

Lena had known that Ella hadn’t been entirely happy, but it hurt to hear her describe their relationship in such starkly negative terms.  

But even so, every bone in Lena’s body was still telling her that Lex was dangerous, and that they couldn’t let down their guard.

“I hope it hasn’t been all bad for you, Ella,” she said, trying hard not to sound defensive.  “This isn’t how I want things to be either.  But… I’m only trying to protect you, because Lex…”

Ella sighed.  

“But I don’t want that, Lena,” she said wearily.  “I don’t want you to protect me.  I don’t want to think about Lex and death and risk all the time.  I want to live.  But…” she grimaced, “even if… even if Lex were dead and you were free…”

She bit her lip, looking somber, and Lena knew that whatever Ella was about to say would be hard to hear.

“What is it?” Lena asked quietly, steeling herself.

Ella swallowed hard, then met Lena’s eyes.

“Lena… I love you, but this,” she waved her hand at the penthouse around them, “and Aspen… it’s luxurious and beautiful, but… it doesn’t feel real to me.  You’re on an island.  You can’t eat at a diner, or go places without an entourage, and you don’t seem to have any friends.  And I… I don’t want to live like this… so separate from everything and everyone...”

She trailed off and looked down.

Lena blinked as she sifted through what Ella was saying.  And she desperately wished she had poured herself a drink before she had sat down.

In any case, Ella was right; even if Lex were somehow neutralized, the reality of her life would not change, because of her wealth.  It had always set her apart, making her an object of envy or desire or hatred, forcing her to put up barriers and retreat to private spaces. 

And from the outside, her life probably looked excessive, but it was actually just pragmatic.  The entourages protected her.  The private jets and helicopters saved time.  And her properties were a way to diversify her investments and hedge against inflation.  And whether she liked it or not, she had an image to maintain as a successful CEO, especially when she faced off against sexist men who might not ordinarily take a woman seriously, but would prostrate themselves because of what her money could do for them.

But Ella was understandably chafing at such a constrained existence, and Lena knew she needed to compromise.

She took Ella’s hand.

“Alright… Ella, I want you to be happy.  What would you like to change?” she asked.  “Do you want me to get you your own apartment in another neighborhood?  Or do you want to take some time to travel?  Or something else?”

Ella looked pained. 

“You’re so kind, Lena,” she said, her voice cracking.  “But… this… this isn’t right for me anymore.  I’m too… comfortable.  Thank you for everything, and I’m sorry.”

She started crying, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Lena stared at her, not grasping what she had said.

Thank you?  I’m sorry?

“Ella… are you… breaking up with me?” she asked, confused.

Ella bowed her head.  “Yes,” she said sadly.  

Lena’s heart stopped.  It was like the ground had opened up beneath her, like the sky had torn in two.

“But…” she was bewildered.  “Why?”

Ella sniffed, her eyes and nose red.

“Because I need to figure myself out.  But you take care of me, and being with you is too… easy.”

That didn’t make any sense.

“But I love you, Ella,” Lena protested.  “Why wouldn’t I take care of you?  And easy is good.  It means we work well together.”

Ella’s face crumpled.

“I know, I love you too, but… Lena, I haven’t had to decide anything for myself.  Or figure out what’s important to me, or what to do with my time, or what I believe in.”

I believe in us, Lena wanted to say.

But as much as it pained her to admit, Lena had an inkling of what Ella was getting at.

After Lex had fired her, she had started a company with Jack with the income from her trust, wanting to establish herself as an entrepreneur outside of the Luthor empire.  She could remember the ambition that had seized her, and the pride she had felt in getting something of her own off the ground.  She had been independent for the first time in her life, and she had loved it.

And she also knew how her boarding school classmates had turned out.  Some, like Roulette, had rebelled.  Others had become socialites, unable to find a sense of purpose or stick to anything because they “had it all” already.  Their lives were a waste of their talents.

Their challenges were nothing compared to those of people who didn’t have anything, who were scraping by.  But they were real nonetheless, and Lena felt terrible that, however unwittingly, she had been holding Ella back.

She squeezed Ella’s hand.

“Ella,” she said, her voice catching in her throat, “I understand.  If you need to go, then go.”

Ella let out a long breath, her eyes filling with tears.

“Thank you,” she said softly. 

She suddenly pulled Lena close, hugging her fiercely.

The familiar warmth of Ella’s arms and the scent of her skin enveloped Lena, and she broke down, not quite comprehending how Ella could be so near, yet so far.

She cried until her chest felt emptied, sobs wracking her entire body.  

Finally she composed herself enough to sit back.

“So… what will you do?” she asked shakily, wiping her eyes.

Ella looked at the floor.

“I don’t know yet,” she said, her voice thick.  “Maybe volunteer?  I… I really wasn’t planning this…”

“Well, I want to stay friends,” Lena said, even though it made her ache to say the word friends.  “Please let me know how you’re doing, once you get settled.”

Ella gave her a small smile.

“I will,” she said, leaning in to kiss Lena’s cheek.  “I want to stay friends too.”

She hopped off the barstool and put on her jacket, slipping her laptop in her backpack and slinging it over her shoulder.

“Bye Lena.  Take care.”

She zoomed out the door, leaving Lena sitting at the island, stunned by the silence, and all alone.

Chapter Text

The next few days passed in a fog.  Lena texted Alex to let her know that dinner was off.  She moved into one of the guest bedrooms, as her own bed felt too big without Ella next to her.  And she stayed as late as she could at work, trying to keep her mind occupied.

On Saturday night, after spending all day at the lab, she came home to the emptiness of her apartment.  

Not bothering to take off her coat or boots, she walked over to the bar and got herself a whiskey, then went out on the balcony.

It was already dark, and her cheeks smarted from the cold, but she needed the fresh air.

She sat down on the sofa and put her feet up on the coffee table, the whistling wind and the faint sound of car horns an accompaniment to the gloominess of her thoughts.

She could still picture Ella’s eyes, gentle one moment, hungry the next, and it made her feel like her heart was being crushed in her chest.

You’re on an island…

You don’t seem to have any friends…

I don’t want to live like this…

Lena could understand all that.  It had been foolish of her to believe that Ella, so eager to learn about the world, could be happy here with her, locked up like a wild animal in a cage.  

Still, Lena felt blindsided.  Perhaps it was because they had never fought.  Compared to the heated arguments she and Jack would have at work that would spill over into their evenings, or the way she and James didn’t see eye to eye on most things, being with Ella had been idyllic.  For once, it had felt to Lena like she had found her way to the eye of the hurricane, at peace despite the storms whirling around her.  

But now she could see that the tranquility she cherished had existed only because Ella had deferred to her.  For all her genius, Ella hadn’t had many opinions; she had gone along with whatever Lena had suggested.  

And that was deeply problematic.

At charity galas, Lena had always been disdainful of the older men who swanned about with twenty-something models on their arms, showing them off like racehorses.  While age might just be a number, the blatant exchange of power and wealth for youth and beauty made her skin crawl.  How insecure, how self-centered must they be, to be satisfied by such unequal relationships?  

But clearly, she was no better than they were.  

Because, what did it say about her that her happiest times had been with someone who was developmentally - although not physically - practically a child?  

Lena drained her glass, trying to counter the self-loathing that was rising from her gut, but it wasn’t enough.  She started to choke up, feeling sick and dirty and pathetic.

Then her phone rang.  It was the concierge.

“Ms. Luthor, Kara Danvers dropped off a cheesecake earlier.  It’s in your refrigerator.  And there was a card with it, which I put on the island.”

A cheesecake?

“Uh, thank you, John,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady.  “I appreciate it.”

“No problem, Ms. Luthor.”

Lena went inside.  She hadn’t noticed the envelope before, but now she picked it up and opened it.

“Hi Lena,

I know dinner didn’t work out, but thought you could use some dessert?  Sorry I couldn’t stop by, I had to cover someone’s shift at the last minute.

I hope you’re doing ok.  Call me if you need a friend.

-Alex”

Lena put the note down.  It was thoughtful of Alex to reach out, but she felt too raw to talk to anyone.  And it also made her cringe that Alex - and no doubt Kara too - knew that she had been dumped, that everything she could offer - her mind, her body, her life - hadn’t been enough to make Ella stay.

Lena tried to fight back the tears that were coming to her eyes.

She didn’t want anybody to see her like this.  She didn’t want a shoulder to cry on.  She would get through this herself, like she always had.

Then it occurred to her that she still had the signal watch.  She had taken it off the night Ella had left, as it had been too painful to be reminded of Ella’s absence every time she moved her arm.  

And now she wanted it gone.

She texted Kara:

[Lena Luthor, 7:12pm]  No rush, but when you get a chance can you ask Supergirl to stop by? I have something of hers I need to return

She put her phone back in her pocket, but before she could even pour herself a drink, the exterior alarms flashed and the refractor fields buzzed on.

That was quick, she thought archly, despite the blackness of her mood. 

She went to her office, got the watch out of her safe, and went outside again.  Kara was standing by the railing, squinting at the windows, her cape fluttering behind her in the wind.

“Uh… hi,” she said, a corner of her mouth lifting into a smile.  “Guess you got new blinds?”

Lena felt disoriented for a moment, now that she associated the beauty of that face, of those features, with Ella.    

But she recovered and said, “Yes, a while ago.  Um… thanks for coming.  This is yours.”

She held out the watch, but Kara just stood there, looking at it and then back at her.

“Oh… I guess…” she said softly, “why don’t you hang onto it, Lena?  You probably need it more than anyone else in National City, what with all the scrapes you get into.”

Her eyes were kind, and a lump formed in Lena’s throat, that someone thought she was still worth saving.

“Thank you,” she said, slipping the watch into her pocket.  “And also, thank you for coming to Aspen and for everything you did for Ella last weekend.  I… I really didn’t know if you would pick up.”

Kara stared at her feet.

“I’ll always pick up, Lena.  Good night.”

She turned to leave.  And Lena felt an upswell of emotion, a desire to be on friendlier terms, even though Ella was no longer in the picture.  Her anger had subsided, after all, and maybe there was a way to pick up the pieces.

“Wait…" she said, giving Kara a conciliatory smile, “would you like to come in?  I really shouldn’t eat that enormous cheesecake all by myself.”

Kara bit her lip.

“I… uh… actually, I have plans,” she said.  “But I hope you enjoy it.  Alex’s cheesecakes are the best.”

Lena felt a prickle of disappointment.

“Oh… ok.  Then… do you want to grab lunch tomorrow?  It would be nice to catch up.”

Kara let out a long breath.  

“I…” she fidgeted with her cuffs.  “Uh… the thing is, Lena, I don’t think it’s… healthy for me to be around you.  But if you’re in danger, please use the watch, ok?  I promise I will come.”

Lena flinched.  

She hadn’t expected to be rebuffed, and what remained of her self-esteem shriveled into nothingness.

But she managed to hold it together, saying neutrally, “Thanks.  Good night, Supergirl.”

She stood there until Kara was out of sight, and then went inside and straight to bed, wanting only the oblivion of sleep.

———

Aspen for Christmas was out of the question.  And her apartment felt like a tomb.  So Lena debated spending the holidays at one of her other properties, but the thought of being by herself with nothing to do, without any work to distract her, was depressing.  Instead, she decided to hole up in her lab, telling her staff that she had a time-sensitive research project she needed to complete before the new year.  

But actually, she spent most of the time, from morning until late into the night, drinking in her office, trying to take the edge off her misery.  

Her loneliness was a giant pit, a yawning chasm that threatened to swallow her whole.  

The reality was, every time she got her hopes up about someone, she ended up alone.  There were a few outliers, like Jack and Sam - people who worked for her and therefore needed her - but otherwise there was a clear pattern.  People didn’t value her:  they used her, or lied to her, or left her.  Even Sam would probably drift once she was headhunted away from L-Corp.

And Lena knew she couldn’t write all this off to bad luck or poor timing.  There was a single thread running through each of those failures:  her.  

All she could see ahead of her was a string of broken relationships, and more nights spent drinking alone and feeling worthless, wondering why something as basic and universal as love seemed to be out of her reach.

She drank down the whiskey in her glass and filled it again, craving the way the alcohol warmed her and dulled her senses.

——-

A few drinks later and Lena felt untethered and free, her thoughts drifting along like a boat in a vast ocean, going wherever the wind pushed it.

What is Kara doing now? the question came to her.

She furrowed her brow.  Surely she had meant Ella.  Ella, who was roaming the earth, experiencing every pleasure known to man.

Maybe she was kissing someone against a wall of a club, her hands sliding down her partner’s body, her mouth hot and wet, nibbling and sucking and tonguing and…

Her stomach clenching with jealousy, Lena shook the scene from her mind, replacing it with an image of Ella in Rajasthan, boarding a wooden skiff and making the crossing to the Lake Palace, the ferryman’s oars slicing through the waters with clean strokes, as clean as her mother’s had been that day everything had gone quiet, that day the world had ended.

Lena leaned back on the sofa, the sadness she usually pushed down now steadily burbling up like a fountain.

What would her life have been like, had her mother not died? 

Maybe she would be living in a tiny apartment in the middle of Dublin, shivering in an under-heated laboratory during the day and drinking with her friends at the pub at night, trying to catch the eye of a pretty girl with blonde hair and a kind smile at the end of the bar.

But instead, she had been plucked out of the masses and whisked away into this life of privilege.  

She remembered being shown her enormous new bedroom - the dolls lined up on a shelf, the closetful of beautiful dresses, the delicate music box by her bed - and bursting into tears.  She would have traded all of it for one more day with her mother.

Over time, though, she had accepted her fate - despite Lillian’s coldness and Lionel’s drunken rages and Lex’s smug superiority - and had tried her best to be a Luthor.  And even after Lex had descended into madness, she had felt an obligation to her family, to do what she could to set things right.

She had been so optimistic about coming to National City.  California was still a hotbed of the American Dream, of reinvention and success.  If an orphan could become Marilyn Monroe and a computer geek a venture-backed billionaire, why couldn’t LuthorCorp become a force for good, and a Luthor share her home with a Super?

But it hadn’t worked.  

From a corporate standpoint, of course, it had:  L-Corp was about to close out the best year it had ever had.  But personally, she was as alone and isolated as when she had left Metropolis.

There must be something so fundamentally wrong with her that it would sabotage all her attempts to start over.

And yet that was all she wanted.  To outrun the past.  To outrun herself.

Lena took a gulp of whiskey and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, the harsh liquid burning a trail down her throat.

——-

Another few drinks, and a blanket of drowsiness had settled over her.  Her heart was thrumming like a drum, her muscles loose and relaxed, her eyelids heavy, her breathing loud in her ears.

All of a sudden, the chessboard on the coffee table was of great interest.  She leaned in, bringing her face closer, and picked up one of the knights, running her thumb over the carved marble of its mane.

She had a strong urge to throw it across the room, but instead set it down on the coffee table and carefully picked up the whiskey bottle, now almost empty.  But before she could pour herself another drink, it slipped through her fingers and she watched with mild curiosity as it shattered on the floor.  The drops of honey-colored liquid pooling on the polished concrete were eerily beautiful, the shards of glass glittering like stars.

Oh well… she thought, standing up, the room spinning around her as she lurched towards the bar to get another bottle.  Need… clean… tomorrow…

——-

A wheezing, mechanical sound was in her ear, and Lena realized her left arm ached.  It also felt like someone had shoved a dagger behind her eye.

Her mouth was dry and acrid and she retched, which made her head throb even more.  Her throat felt like it had been scraped raw.

She opened her eyes.  She was lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to what looked like a dialysis machine.  The shades were down and the fluorescent lights in the ceiling made her eyes hurt; she guessed it was night.

“Lena.  You’re awake.  Thank god.”

She turned her head.  Sam was standing on the other side of the bed, in a sweatshirt and jeans, her hair in a messy bun, her face devoid of makeup.

Why is she here?  Where am I?

Lena struggled to sit up, her gown sticking uncomfortably to her back.

“Sam… what are you… am I in Metropolis?” she said hoarsely, racking her brain to recall why she might be across the country, since the last thing she could remember was pouring herself a drink in her office.  “And what day is it?”

Sam had dark circles under her eyes and Lena could see the worry lines on her forehead.

“It’s Wednesday, the twenty-fourth.  And you’re at Luthor General, in National City,” Sam said, her face impassive.  “I called you yesterday because we got last minute terms on the Mercury deal, but you were slurring your words and I couldn’t tell what you were saying.  So I sent Frank to check on you,” she pursed her lips, “and he found you in your office, passed out in a pool of vomit and urine and broken glass.  So… I took the first flight out.”

Lena stared at her in disbelief, then looked away, shame flooding her.  

She didn’t know how she would look Frank in the eye again.

“You had a blood alcohol level of 0.3 percent,” Sam said evenly.  “The doc said it’s out of your system now, but Lena…” she crossed her arms, “what the hell happened?”

Lena was still in shock.  

She couldn’t believe she had lost control of herself to this extent.  

The scandal this would cause would be devastating.  It would be humiliating to have so personal a failing out there, one that was amplified by her family’s history; yet another Luthor succumbing to alcohol.  Yet another Luthor going off the deep end.

And while she couldn’t be pushed out of L-Corp, she would be significantly weakened.  So much of her influence was based on her reputation as a brilliant, capable leader.  But now, the air of effortless confidence would be pierced, and people would talk behind her back and question her judgment, making it infinitely harder to get anything done.

“I… oh god,” she said, feeling overwhelmed.  “I’m so sorry.  I can step down if this will be a distraction for L-Corp…”

Her panic must have been plastered all over her face because Sam’s expression softened a bit and she said, “It won’t be.  I took care of everything.  We got everybody under NDA, and the story is that someone tried to poison you.  And we checked you in under a different name, so even though yours is on the building, hopefully no one will notice.”

Lena let out a long breath, thankful that Sam was so steady in a crisis.

“Thank you, Sam.  I… I owe you...” 

Sam made a wry face.

“The person you owe is Frank,” she said.  “He called the ambulance and then cleaned up your office.  Oh, also, Ruby’s at your apartment.  I couldn’t leave her by herself in Metropolis.”

Lena fell back against her pillow.

“Ugh.  I’m sorry for ruining Christmas.”

Sam gave a sharp laugh, sitting down on the bed.

“What would have ruined Christmas is if you had choked on your own vomit and died.”

Lena winced.  It was finally sinking in how narrow of an escape she’d had, how thin the line was between life and death.

“I’m sorry, Sam…” she said, helplessly.  “I… I don’t know what came over me.  I was… I was lonely.”

A tear escaped Sam’s eye, and she patted Lena’s leg.

“Let’s talk about this once you’ve gotten some rest,” she said, more gently.  “And if you’re lonely, Lena, just call me, ok?  Whatever is going on with you… drinking isn’t the answer.”

Lena swallowed.  “I know.”

Sam gave her a half-smile and went to go find a nurse, and Lena stared at the ceiling, listening to the jingly Christmas carols playing somewhere down the hall.

While she’d had several close calls before, this time, she was terrified. 

She had never done anything as self-destructive before.  She had almost slammed her own plane into the side of a mountain.  

She didn’t harbor a death wish.  How could she have been so stupid?

This was a mess.  She was a mess.  

What was wrong with her?

She didn’t know.  

But this was a wake up call.  Something had to change, or she was going to go down in flames.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Lena woke up at noon in her own bed.

After she had been discharged with a supply of antibiotics to treat her pneumonia, Sam had snuck her out the back entrance of the hospital where Frank had been waiting in his own car.  Lena had stared out the window at the blocks of office buildings with their sleek, empty lobbies, all blurring together as they drove by.

As she got out, she had thanked Frank and had told him she would pay off his mortgage and buy him any car he wanted, but he had just tipped his hat and said he was glad she was ok.

And once upstairs, Lena had said goodnight to Sam and crawled into bed and fallen asleep in an instant. 

Now she felt a little tired and feverish, but well enough to get up.  She went to the bathroom and took a long shower, hot water pelting her face and body until her skin was red and she felt like herself again.  Then she blow-dried her hair, threw on a top and jeans, and walked out to the great room.

Sam was at the stove, casually elegant in a sweater and leggings, stirring a pot of something.

Lena came over and hugged her.

“Hey.  Merry Christmas.  Thank you for looking after me.  I’ll make it up to you and Ruby.”

Sam turned off the induction burner, ladled some oatmeal into a bowl, and handed it to Lena with a spoon.  

“Don’t worry about it.  But do you want to tell me what‘s going on?  Ruby’s out for a walk and we probably have an hour.”

Lena thought for a moment.  Now that it was all over, as long as she didn’t divulge any details about Ella, it felt safe to tell Sam about her.

She went over to the sofa and sat down, trying a small bite of oatmeal, her stomach seeming to tolerate its blandness.  

“So,” she said, “my girlfriend broke up with me a week ago…”

“Oh honey…” Sam said, filling an electric kettle with water and rummaging through the cupboards to find some tea.  “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.  Who is she?”

Lena took another spoonful and sighed.  

“I can’t tell you her name.  But…” she said, dreading Sam’s reaction, “she’s… Kara’s clone...”

Sam whirled around, a box of tea in her hand.  “What?  No, Lena, you didn’t…”

“Oh, I did,” Lena said miserably.  “It’s a long story…”

Sam made the tea and came over and listened as Lena haltingly told her everything.  And when Lena finished, twenty minutes later, Sam gave her a big hug, then sat back on the sofa, looking pensive.

Lena pushed her spoon around the remains of her oatmeal, unable to make eye contact. 

Finally Sam spoke.

“Lena… I’m not surprised you were drawn to her,” she said, tucking her hair behind her ear.  “She loved you the way a child does… purely, unconditionally.  And I think you needed that, since you never got it from the Luthors.  But someone so loving… I can see why you couldn’t resist.”

Lena let out a long breath, remembering how Ella would never be the one to end a hug, and how wanted that had made her feel.

Still, there was no excuse for her lack of self-control, for her poor judgment.

“I know…” she said, setting the bowl down on the coffee table.  “But I should never have gotten involved.  She was too… young for me.”

Sam furrowed her brow.

“Was she?  She was impressionable, but she certainly wasn’t a child.  And it isn’t like you were using her for sex or to feed your ego… you loved her.  I think she was lucky to find you, instead of staying with Lex or ending up with some asshole who would have manipulated her.  You did your best for her.”

Lena swallowed, her emotions suddenly at the surface.  It was such a relief that Sam didn’t think she was a predator.

“Thank you,” she said softly.  “I needed to hear that.”

Sam reached out and squeezed her arm.  

“I know you did.  But Lena… I still think she wasn’t right for you.  Because you deserve a real partner, someone who can challenge you, who can support you… not just follow you around like a puppy. But…”

She picked up her tea, cupping the mug in both hands, and made a face.

“What?” Lena prompted.

Sam gave her a hesitant look.  “I’m worried I’m going to offend you.”

Lena arched an eyebrow.  

“Now you have to tell me.  Please, Sam.  I won’t be mad.”

There was a pause.

“Ok,” Sam said.  “Well… do you still have feelings for Kara?  Because it was actually her walking away that pushed you over the edge...”

Lena looked down.  

She didn’t know how she felt anymore.  She was utterly exhausted, and all her thoughts were a jumble.  

She still missed Ella desperately, but she had been able to accept that they were in different life stages and that they hadn’t been right for each other.

Kara, on the other hand…

She remembered everything she had said to make clear their relationship was over.  We can’t be friends anymore.  It will be easier if we can both just let go of the past.  We’re through.  Please leave me alone.

Yet ever since Aspen, she had felt haunted, confronted by the fact that Kara was still out there, as kind and wonderful as ever.  And Kara’s rejection had not only surprised her, it had torn her apart, and she couldn’t explain why.

This is what you had wanted, though, a voice whispered in her head.  You did this to yourself.

She had.  And now, she regretted it.  

But what did it matter?  

She had scorched the earth, and there was nothing left.

“I don’t know anymore,” she said, tucking her legs up and resting her chin on her knees.  “I do… regret how things ended between us.”

Sam raised an eyebrow.  “Then why not talk to her?”

That was a non-starter.

“Well, she doesn’t want anything to do with me,” Lena said morosely.  “She said as much.  And also, what is she going to think?  Ella broke up with me and suddenly I’m interested in hanging out again?”  She shook her head.  “No, there’s no point.”

She still had her pride.

“That’s…” Sam said, frowning, “that’s a real shame.”

In the long silence that followed, Lena stood up and went over to the wall of windows, looking out at the blue sky and white clouds reflecting off the skyscrapers.  It was a beautiful day for such a depressing conversation.

Sam came up and stood next to her, and Lena felt comforted just having her near.

But then Sam turned to her and said, “Lena, to be honest... I’m afraid that one day, you’ll cut me off the way you did Kara.”

Lena looked at her in surprise.  How could Sam even suggest such a thing?

“Why?” she asked, puzzled.  “What she did was… egregious.  I can’t see you doing anything like that to me, or anyone else, for that matter.  You just… you wouldn’t.”

Sam crossed her arms.

“I know, but… I doubt Kara expected things to turn out like this either.  What if I make a terrible mistake too?”

Lena bit her lip.  She didn’t know what to say.

Because if Sam did something as egregious as Kara - if she also lied and tried to cover things up - Lena knew she would walk away.  

“Well, I hope it never comes to that,” she said sincerely.  “It would break my heart, Sam.”

Sam gave her a thin smile.  

“It would break mine, too.”  

She turned and stared out the window, and Lena felt unsettled by Sam’s sudden frostiness.

Then Sam sighed and uncrossed her arms.

“Look, Lena… I’m going to say this because you’re like a sister to me, and you can stop me if you don’t want to hear it.”  She met Lena’s eyes.  “But… I think there’s something in you that has become intolerant of weakness.  Because with Kara, it was like a hammer came down… you shut down immediately.  And now you say you regret it, but if I made a mistake, it would be the same for me.  Which of course is your right, and I don’t want to minimize how much Kara hurt you, but… you’re also lonely.  And one day, I worry you’ll look around and you’ll have pushed everyone away, because we’re all flawed, and… there will be nobody left.”

Lena was dumbfounded.  Is that what Sam really thought of her?  

“Jesus, Sam,” she said, more than a little hurt.  “I’m not… I don’t think my standards are too high; I need people I can count on.  Doesn’t everyone?  Wouldn’t you fire someone who was too afraid to tell you the truth?”

“Maybe?” Sam said.  “But… it would depend on their intent, their seniority, and if they took accountability.  There’s nuance here that you don’t seem to see.  And… Kara was your friend.  Your best friend.  Of all people, I would think she would deserve a second chance.  So… this isn’t about your standards.  This is about what happens when someone you love falls short.”

Lena flushed, feeling like a student getting dressed down by the headmistress.

“You aren’t perfect either,” Sam continued.  “You almost drank yourself to death two days ago.  And… you fell for Rhea’s lies.  You weren’t weak, but you were naïve, and people could have called for your head, but you cut a check for a few million and…”

A watery, uncomfortable feeling swirled through the pit of Lena’s stomach.  Because Sam was right.  Clawing back her reputation after the Daxamite invasion had been like walking on glass, but she’d had the opportunity to redeem herself, an opportunity she had completely denied Kara. 

She held up her hands in surrender.

“Ok, enough,” she said, not wanting to hear any more.  “You’ve made your point.  I’m a hypocrite, and I should give people another chance.  I get it.”

But Sam shook her head.  

“No… that’s actually not what I meant.  I mean, yes, you should give people another chance, if they deserve it.  But… Lena, it’s more that… you’re so hard on yourself, you’re always out there trying to atone for something.  You’ve spent the past four years trying to turn L-Corp around, even though Lex’s crimes weren’t your fault.  It’s like… you can’t rest until the world thinks you’re good, so you can’t ever mess up.  But… you’re human too, and I wish you could give yourself a little grace.  Because then maybe you could extend it to others, too.”

Lena let out a shaky breath and looked up at the ceiling.

She was hard on herself.  But it was warranted.

Adam had said her mother’s death wasn’t her fault.  That she had been practically a baby.  That she had made a ‘very human mistake.’

But she knew the weakness that ran through her, like a cleft in granite, ready to shear under stress, the way she had short-circuited that day on the shore, too paralyzed by fear to even call for help.

As a child, she had spent hours reading, exploring, climbing trees - anything to escape the guilt that would consume her if she allowed herself to stay still.  She had found sanctuary in the realm of logic - chess, math, science - where she could predict and control what would happen, where nothing was personal.

Over the years, she had challenged herself, throwing herself into difficult situations, forcing herself to take on more and more responsibility, to push past and fight through and excel, no matter what.  And her secret shame had transformed into a militant hatred of weakness.  

So when she had learned that Andrea hadn’t had the guts to tell her about the medallion of Acrata, or that Lionel had tried to sweep her parentage under the rug, or that LuthorCorp scientists just could not bring themselves to do the right thing, the only thing she had felt for them was contempt.  In a weird way, she had far more respect for Lex and Lillian; they were monstrous, but at least they owned their evil.  At least they were strong.  

Unlike her. 

Deep down, she had never come to terms with her own cowardice, with her fear that she would make another fatal error, that she would fail to act.  

“You don’t forgive…” Kara had said.  How could she, when she couldn’t even forgive herself?

“Are you ok?” she heard Sam’s voice, and felt an arm wrap around her shoulders.  “I’m sorry if I went too far...”

Lena realized her face was wet, that she must be crying.

“No, you’re fine,” she said, her throat suddenly aching.  “You’re right about everything… I… I’m a disaster.”

Sam put her hands on Lena’s shoulders and spun Lena towards her. 

“No.  This is exactly what I mean.  You’ve been through some crazy shit and you are going to have some scars.  Please cut yourself some slack.”

Lena swallowed.  That was easier said than done.  

“I… don’t know how to do that,” she said quietly.  “How not to judge, or feel judged…”

Sam’s eyes filled with pity and she hugged Lena again, clasping her tightly to her chest, as Lena just stood there stiffly.

She felt lost.

Then Sam pulled back and said, “I think you need a break from this… pressure.  If you didn’t have all this guilt hanging over your head, what would you want to be doing?”

Lena wiped her eyes.  “I… I have no idea.”

It was a difficult question.  Her guilt was like a stone at the base of a tree that had been enveloped by the roots until it was so entwined, she couldn’t tell where it stopped and where she began.  Even science felt a little tainted.

“Then maybe it’s time to find out?” Sam asked gently.  “Do something for you, for once?  I can take over as CEO for as long as you want.  And… please come back to Metropolis with me and Ruby?  You shouldn’t be alone…”

A fresh flood of tears rolled down Lena’s cheeks.  Sam was a true friend; she didn’t know why she had doubted her before.

“Thanks, Sam.  I’ll… I… don’t know what I would do without you.”

The elevator dinged and she and Sam stepped apart as Ruby came into the room, a messenger bag strapped over her jacket and a pair of headphones on her head.

Ruby beamed when she saw Lena and ran over, pushing the headphones down around her neck. 

“Aunt Lena… Merry Christmas!  Are you better now?”

Lena gave her a big hug.

“Not quite.  But…” she gave Sam a grateful look over the top of Ruby’s head, “I will be.  I promise.”

Chapter Text

Four months later

Lena’s phone buzzed, barely audible over the din of the café she had parked herself in across the street from Trinity College, Dublin.

She set down her book.

[Ella Snow, 1:42pm]  At a hospital in Nigeria!

Ella then sent a picture of her with her arms around a few children in front of a squat brick building, everybody grinning at the camera.

Lena smiled.  Over the past several months, Ella had messaged her from all over the world, from the slums of Mumbai to the favelas of Rio to the homeless encampments of San Francisco.  She seemed to be spending half her time eating and the other half volunteering with different aid groups.  And once a month, she would go back to National City for a check-up with Alex, with whom Lena had left a supply of the Harun-El solution.

But so far, Ella seemed healthy.  And she was thriving, texting Lena about all the people she had met and all the different jobs she was getting to do, from building houses to distributing food to assisting in medical wards.  And Lena was proud of her, the way she might be of a protégé making their way in the world.

[Lena Luthor, 1:42pm]  That’s amazing, Ella!  How long will you be there?

[Ella Snow, 1:43pm]  I don’t know.  There’s so much to do!

[Ella Snow, 1:43pm]  I wish I could be everywhere at once!

Lena chuckled.

[Lena Luthor, 1:43pm]  I know the feeling

[Ella Snow, 1:43pm]  But something happened I wanted to ask you about 

[Ella Snow, 1:43pm]  I stopped a mugging yesterday 

[Ella Snow, 1:43pm]  But afterwards the victim spat at me and told me he didn’t need help from aliens 

What a prick, Lena thought, disgusted.

[Lena Luthor, 1:44pm]  That’s terrible… are you ok?

[Ella Snow, 1:44pm]  I was surprised more than anything.  But do you think I should stop trying to help?

[Lena Luthor, 1:44pm]  No, don’t stop.  Some people are just ungrateful.  Don’t let it get to you

[Ella Snow, 1:44pm]  Thanks.  That’s what I thought too 

[Ella Snow, 1:45pm]  Break is over!  Talk soon xxx

[Lena Luthor, 1:45pm]  Ok.  Take care 

Lena frowned as she signaled to her bodyguards, packed up her bag, and went outside.  The sky had cleared since the morning, and she put on her sunglasses and walked past the grand stone buildings of the university down the main road towards the house she was renting.

She knew that Ella could take care of herself, but the rising tension between aliens and humans had become more visible to her, now that she wasn’t ensconced in a romantic bubble or being chauffeured everywhere.  Walking around Dublin, she had seen pro- and anti-alien signs posted in shop windows, masked groups loitering in public spaces, and demonstrators screaming at each other in front of government buildings.  

This wasn’t to say she had been completely oblivious before; under her leadership, L-Corp had launched a series of products to address the needs of a changing world.  The alien detection device and the image inducer both catered to those who feared the “other,” albeit for vastly different groups.  L-Corp had also commercialized the refractive scatterfields she had invented as privacy screens, and was manufacturing nth metal materials so buildings and bridges could be reinforced to withstand the damage that aliens - or the humans that fought with them - might cause.  The skyrocketing demand for new technology was why L-Corp had almost tripled its revenues over the past few years. 

But it also seemed that after the successive attempts by Astra and Non, the Daxamites, and the Worldkillers to subjugate Earth, public opinion was swinging against aliens.  And Lena was deeply concerned.

Maybe it was time to get back to work.

She had spent the past four months in Dublin, taking a real break, her first since she had started at MIT over a decade ago.

The city hadn’t been an entirely random choice.  After Christmas, Sam had tried to convince her to come back to Metropolis to work with a therapist she recommended, but Lena had demurred because she didn’t feel comfortable talking to a stranger, even a trained professional, about her issues.  And anyway, the thought of spending more time in Metropolis had bored her; it was too familiar when she knew what she needed was a change of scene.

Ireland, however, was her mother’s homeland, and it had felt fitting to go to a place that would remind her every single day that she was only half Luthor.  And to that end, while she owned a castle in County Mayo that was now a luxury hotel, Lena had decided she didn’t want to live like a billionaire and be waited on hand and foot.  Of course security was still a concern, and she’d had to give up on the idea of getting a small flat near the university and living by herself.  But her team had found her a light-filled, red-brick, Edwardian manse in Ballsbridge, a half-hour’s walk from the city center, which they had outfitted with a state-of-the-art defense system.  It was also near the embassies so her bodyguards and staff didn't stick out like sore thumbs.

Thankfully, though, it seemed like Dubliners didn’t know or care who she was.  There was the occasional whisper or surreptitious picture or paparazzi stakeout, but that was about it.  It was a welcome change from the non-stop cameras she faced most other places she went.  Lena had always had a soft spot for Ireland, and now she loved it even more.

She had been surprised by how quickly she had adjusted to doing nothing.  Her routine was simple:  she woke up when she woke up - which still felt heavenly - ate a light breakfast, and went for a long walk.  In the afternoon, she would have lunch and find something to do - reading in a café, going to a museum, or driving out to some old church or the coast - then she’d head back and eat dinner at the local pub and go to bed.

As she didn’t have anywhere in particular to be, time felt slower and more expansive, each hour feeling like three.  Yet somehow, four months had passed.  The grey morning light filled her bedroom earlier and earlier, and the biting cold of her winter walks had given way to the rainy damp of spring.  And now she was finally in a place to answer the question Sam had posed to her:  what could a life that wasn’t a giant mea culpa look like?

Before she had left National City, Lena had opened up to Sam about her guilt over her mother’s death.  But Sam’s reaction hadn’t been at all what she had expected.

“Wait… you’re saying she left you, a four year-old, at the edge of a lake, so she could go swimming… because ‘that’s where the magic was?’”

“Um… yes…”

“Lena.  You could have drowned.  Or been kidnapped.  Or wandered away and gotten hurt.  No mother in her right mind would leave her kid alone like that.  Was there even a lifeguard?”

“I don’t… I don’t remember…”

Sam had shaken her head.

“I know this is hard to hear, but Lena, what she did was completely irresponsible.  She should never, ever have put you in that situation.  And her death was not your fault... it was her own.”

Lena had never thought about her mother’s death that way, as the events of that day had been too traumatic for her to critically examine before.  But now she had so many questions:  what had been her mother’s mental state?  Had she known what she was doing, when she had stepped into the water?  Why had she abandoned her only child? 

Lena supposed she would never know.  But Sam’s perspective, painful though it was, had been enough to give her closure.  And just by living quietly each day, the wound inside her had started to heal, the fog around her lifting, a calm descending on her that she had never felt before, her soul finally at ease.

But now she was torn about what she should do with her life.

Ever since she had been adopted, her identity had been inextricably tied to being a Luthor.  She was the public face of her family and the steward of their fortune.  And she had picked up their banner where it lay, because she had known that if she didn’t fight on, Lionel’s life work, the conglomerate he had built, would be dismantled piece by piece.

And yet… she had seen so many crumbling structures dotting the rolling hills of the Irish countryside, the towers long gone, the wood rotted away, the rough hewn blocks scattered and mossy.  Each one had been erected by some now-forgotten family, then left to the ravages of time.  She could picture the medieval masons who had struggled to hoist stones up the massive walls, their sweat mixing with the mortar, no doubt aware of the ultimate futility of their labor.

It had begged the question:  what did she really owe the Luthors?  

With everybody else, it was easy - probably too easy - for her to move on.  But within the hulking ruin of her family’s reputation, she had been imprisoned by her own weakness, by her need to be associated with something bigger and stronger than herself.  Even when Lillian had dropped the bombshell of her parentage, Lena had felt a perverse twinge of pride, that she was a real Luthor after all.

But now she knew she didn’t have to define herself that way.  She didn’t have to care about what the public thought about her family.  She didn’t have to devote her life to preserving the empire of a man who hadn’t bothered to acknowledge that she was his daughter.  

At the same time, she didn't want to walk away from it all.

Even if she had done it for the wrong reasons, she was proud of what she had accomplished at L-Corp.  Not many could have done what she had, successfully rebranding and setting the company on a course for the future, all while keeping the confidence of her employees and the markets.

And while Ella might help hundreds or thousands of people in each place she volunteered, in L-Corp, Lena had the scale and resources to impact billions.  She had a unique opportunity - and responsibility - to do something with the platform she had inherited, and she didn't want to squander it. 

However, staying on as CEO meant she would continue to be - as Ella had so brutally pointed out - on an island, her position and her money coloring all her interactions.  Even in Dublin, it had been difficult to get away from all that, although it had been fun to flirt with the few brave souls who tried to chat her up at the pub, winkingly ignoring the bodyguards stationed around her and pretending she was just another American in town to explore her Irish heritage.  

But she needed to accept that her life would never be ordinary.  Yet it felt that even within that constraint, she’d come so close to finding happiness with Ella.  What she wanted was someone who was willing to be on her island with her, who loved her for who she was, with whom she could just be herself…

Someone like... Kara.

Lena pulled her coat tightly around herself as she turned down her street.

Over the past few months, she had tried to put Kara out of her mind again.  But it had proven impossible.  

It had taken slowing down to realize how empty she felt without her, like a cave that had been gradually, invisibly hollowed out from the inside.  

She could still remember the moment they had met:  she had come back to her office after a difficult meeting and spied Clark Kent with a tall, slim woman with pretty blue eyes, who was fidgeting with a notebook, looking utterly adorable in her pale pink cardigan and sheath dress and flats.

Kara had been so good; so kind and sweet, but with a fierceness underneath that Lena had instantly recognized and admired.  Their friendship had felt like a miracle, a desert rose somehow blooming in desolate sands.  And Lena had fallen hard, but had never acted on her feelings, had never told Kara the truth, because she had been too afraid to risk destroying what they had.  

Lena took a deep breath, trying to quell the waves of remorse she felt sweeping through her.

In another life, perhaps, she could have been braver.  But she had spent the first twenty-eight years of her life in a defensive crouch, too afraid to take a chance and follow her heart.  And now, she could hardly blame Kara for rejecting her attempt to reconcile.  It had been too little, too late.  She had shown Kara that she lacked empathy and the capacity to forgive.  Only a masochist would have come crawling back, and Kara was not that.

Lena reached the wrought iron gate of the house, which slid open for her.  The gravel drive was lined with crabapple trees, and white flowers were falling everywhere, blanketing the ground like snow.

It was spring, time to leave the barrenness of winter behind and start anew.

The person she was, was not the person she wanted to be, who she knew she was capable of being.  

And now, she was determined to chart her own course.  

And maybe even… have a little fun.

Chapter Text

One year later

“Ms. Luthor!  Can you comment on your testimony?”

“Why is L-Corp profiting from alien-human violence?”

“Will L-Corp offshore all nth metal production?  What happens to your plants in America?”

Lena’s bodyguards shunted her and Sam past the press corps that crowded the halls of the Capitol and outside into an armored SUV.

It was a few minutes after three, and she had just finished testifying before a Senate subcommittee to urge them to not repeal the Alien Amnesty Act and instead create a fast track for new technology that would ease the path towards peaceful coexistence.  It had been a grueling hearing; several senators had tried to use their airtime to score points at L-Corp’s expense, but she had remained calm and had managed to stay on-message.

She had been spending a lot of time in Washington lately.  The global death toll from alien-human violence had risen dramatically over the past year, with human militias hunting aliens down, and aliens retaliating and even going on the offense.  And Lena had decided to use her influence to push for solutions, even if it meant opening herself and L-Corp up to criticism that the only reason she wanted aliens to be on Earth was to sell more products.

But now in the car and on her way back to her hotel, she felt like she could relax.  She unbuttoned her suit jacket and kicked off her stilettos, then turned to Sam, who was scrolling through her phone.

“So… how do you think that went?” 

Sam looked up, smiling.  "Great.  Social media is blowing up.  ‘Anti-alien hatred has no place in an open and prosperous society...’  You nailed it, Lena.  There’s even speculation that you want to run for office.”

Lena rolled her eyes.  “Ugh.  Not a chance.”

She couldn’t imagine a worse job than dealing with politicians and their egos full-time.

“Really?  Not even when you’re dating a Senator?” Sam winked.  “Free campaign advice…”

Lena wrinkled her nose.

“Oh my god!  We’re not dating… we had dinner once!  No spark.”

Sam gave her a look.

“It wasn’t just dinner,” she said, amused.  “He took you to a state dinner.  At the White House.  Where, according to Vogue, you ‘wore Givenchy, and gave the French a lesson in elegance.’”

Lena snorted.  “That dress would have made anyone look good.”

The coverage of that event had been completely over the top, even by recent standards.  Her search for a partner had made her a fixture in style magazines and social media.  It seemed that people couldn’t get enough of whom she was with, which city she was in, and what she was wearing.  

Before Ireland, she would have been concerned that the breathless gossip would make her look like a lightweight in the business, political, and scientific circles she ran in, but now… she just didn’t care.  

“Oh, just admit you looked stunning,” Sam teased, reaching into the SUV’s armrest refrigerator and pulling out two waters.  “Poor guy looked totally out of his depth.  But… why am I finding out about all of this from Vogue, anyway?  And what happened to that musician you were seeing?”

Lena laughed.

She had really liked the Danish violinist she had met a few months back at a gala in New York.  Anne-Marie was ten years older than her and blonde, charismatic, and sophisticated; she had been famous ever since she had burst onto the classical music scene as a teenager decades ago.  She was also warm and quick to laugh, and they had left the gala early and gone to a quiet bar, talking and flirting until well after midnight, then heading back to her suite.

Lena had stayed an extra day in New York to hear Anne-Marie perform, and it had been a revelation.  She had known that Anne-Marie was one of the greatest violinists of her generation, but it had been another thing entirely to sit transfixed in the audience, holding her breath as Anne-Marie spun a gossamer thread of sound that somehow pierced her very soul and brought tears to her eyes.  Lena had been thrilled, leaping to her feet after the final chords of the concerto, in awe of a gift so different from her own.

But their schedules were a nightmare.  

They had met up a few times since then, but Anne-Marie mostly performed in Europe, and Lena’s commitments didn’t make it easy for her to fly there on a whim.  

“She’s in Berlin right now,” Lena said as she accepted a bottle from Sam and took a sip.  “I’ll swing by in a couple weeks, after I go to Geneva.”

Sam’s smile broadened.

“I bet she’s good with her fingers…”

Lena nearly spit out her water.  “Sam!”

Sam looked at her innocently, then broke into a grin.

“No, really, Lena, I’m glad you’re finally getting laid.  Internationally laid.  Maybe I should find myself a hot cellist.”  She pulled a mirror out of her bag and reapplied her lipstick.  “Anyway, how are you feeling about the conference tomorrow?”

Apart from the congressional hearing, Lena was in town to attend a reception at the Embassy of Tanzania that evening - L-Corp had built its first nth metal plant outside the United States in Dar es Salaam - and then kick off a conference with representatives from all over the world who were vying for L-Corp to build similar plants in their countries, or who were trying to win contracts to supply the raw materials for production.

“I’m feeling good,” she said, setting the bottle in the cup holder.  “The team has done a great job...”

Suddenly a loud horn blared, its deep vibrations shaking the SUV, and Lena startled, her hands flying to her ears, her heart in her throat.

She turned and saw a semi-truck careening into their lane, the horn still bellowing, a red wall of steel bearing down on them at full speed.  

Frank slammed on the brakes and swerved onto the sidewalk, narrowly avoiding a woman with a stroller, and Lena was thrown forward, her body smashing into her seatbelt, then recoiling back against her seat as they screeched to a halt inches from a streetlight. 

Then there was silence.

But before Lena could get her bearings, she saw a horde of people running up to the SUV, brandishing assault rifles and screaming.  One man got so close to her window, she could see how red his gums were, how yellow his teeth were, his lips like a snarling dog’s as he lifted his gun.  

Frank threw the car into reverse, tires squealing as they shot backwards and veered around the crowd and down a side street.  Several loud cracks rang out as a spray of bullets hit the SUV’s force field as they sped away.

Tom, her bodyguard, was barking commands into his earpiece, then twisted around in the front seat.

“Ms. Luthor, Ms. Arias, are you alright?” he asked urgently.

Lena’s heart was beating so fast she thought it might explode.  But she sat up straight and willed herself to calm down.  Her chest and abdomen hurt where the seatbelt had dug into her, but she knew she hadn’t hit her head or broken anything.  

“Just a little bruised,” she replied.  “Maybe some whiplash.  Sam, are you ok?”

She looked over at Sam, whose face was pale, her lipstick smeared in a jagged line over her mouth.  “I’m good,” she said, sounding dazed.  “But holy fucking hell, that was scary.”

“It was,” Lena reached over and squeezed her hand.  “I’m glad the force field held.”

“Uh yeah,” Sam said, pulling out a tissue and wiping her mouth.  “Understatement of the year.”

Tom cocked his head, then typed something into his phone and handed it to Lena.

“We’re going to stop at a hospital so you can get checked out, and the police may want to talk to us.  And you’ll want to see this, Ms. Luthor.  It was just posted by an anti-alien group.”

It was a video taken from inside the swarm, the picture jostling up and down as the mob rushed the car.  And Lena could now hear what they had been chanting:

Traitor.  Traitor.  Traitor.

“My god,” Sam said, her eyes widening in disbelief.  “They’re baying for your head.  And shit, Ruby’s going to see this…”

She quickly found her phone and pressed it to her ear.  “Ruby?  Hi sweetie…”

Lena felt cold all of a sudden.   

She had always assumed, somewhat morbidly, that if she were ever to be assassinated, that it would be relatively painless.  A plane crash.  A fall to her death.  A sharpshooter.  A moment of terror, followed by nothingness.  

But this mob looked like it would have torn her limb from limb.  And to claim credit for the attack was brazen; whoever they were, they obviously didn’t care if they got caught. 

“…I love you too.  Bye.”

Sam hung up and exhaled.  

“Lena,” she said quietly, “maybe you should lower your profile.  Let’s skip the reception tonight.”

Lena frowned.  As shaken as she was, she didn’t want to run and hide. 

“No,” she said emphatically.  “I won’t let them win.  I won’t.”

“Ms. Luthor,” Tom said, turning around again, “until we can assess the threat, I think Ms. Arias is right.  We’re going to move you and Ms. Arias to different hotels and increase security at the conference.  This attack was planned, and we can't take any chances.”

Lena made a face.  But if her team was this concerned, she knew she had to listen.  

“Ok, fine,” she gave in, handing back the phone.  “Thank you, Tom.”

All of this only strengthened her resolve to protect people from this terrible violence.  

Because if she - who could afford a private army equipped with the latest technology - didn’t feel entirely safe, how could anybody else?

—-

Lena walked into her new hotel suite two hours later, after giving a short statement to the police and being cleared by the ER docs.  

She went straight to the spa-like bathroom, her head still spinning, and ran herself a hot bath.

As she waited for the bathtub to fill, she undressed and put her hair up, left a message for Anne-Marie, who was probably sleeping given the time difference, then noticed a text from Ella.

[Ella Snow, 5:24pm]  Hey!!  I saw the news!  Are you ok???

Lena was surprised.  Ella had been living in South Africa for the past few months, teaching at a rural girls’ school, and had been mostly off the grid.  

[Lena Luthor, 5:24pm]  A little rattled.  But nothing a little more security won't fix

[Ella Snow, 5:24pm]  Do you want me to come stay with you?

It was very kind of Ella to offer, but Lena didn’t think it was necessary.  And anyway, she’d be traveling for the next couple weeks and it would be impossible to meet anyone in secret with her bodyguards around.

[Lena Luthor, 5:25pm]  No, I’ll be fine.  And your students need you

[Ella Snow, 5:25pm]  Are you sure?  I haven't seen you since January!

[Lena Luthor, 5:25pm]  I’m sure.  How are you?  How’s the school?

[Ella Snow, 5:25pm]  Great!  And I have another non-profit for you to look at!  This one gives cows to poor families!

Lena smiled.  For the past few months, Ella had been recommending organizations for the Luthor Foundation to consider.  And thanks to her tips, they had doubled their grantmaking.

[Lena Luthor, 5:25pm]  Happy to

Ella sent a link to a website.

[Ella Snow, 5:26pm]  Thanks.  Stay safe Lena xxx

Lena told her assistant she didn't want to be disturbed for the rest of the evening, silenced her phone, and sank down into the hot water, steam rising around her.  

She closed her eyes and leaned back against the smooth porcelain of the tub, letting the shock and horror of the afternoon dissipate out of her body, the water gently lapping at her chest, lulling her into a pleasant stupor.

Then her phone rang.

Cursing under her breath, she got out and went over to the marble sideboard to check who was calling.

Kara Danvers.

Lena’s heart skipped a beat.

Just as she hadn’t bothered to rescind Kara’s walk-in privileges, she also hadn’t changed the settings on her phone to stop letting Kara’s calls through, because it had seemed unlikely that Kara would ever contact her again.  Their lives had wholly diverged; Lena hadn’t even kept up with Alex since she was only in National City a week a month.

Still, Kara had been on her mind.  The Supers hadn't been immune to the anti-alien sentiment that was out there.  Footage of Kara under the influence of red kryptonite had resurfaced, and an ugly debate had been playing out in the media about whether she was a danger to society.  She had continued to fight hostile aliens and save lives, but her inspirational speeches were often heckled, and calls were mounting for her to stand down.

More than a few times, Lena had wondered how Kara was navigating this increasingly strident world, and had almost reached out.  But she had stopped herself, wanting to respect Kara’s boundaries.  

But now Kara was calling her.

Lena put on a bathrobe and took a deep breath and picked up.  

“Kara, hi,” she said.  “It’s been a long time.”

“Hey Lena,” Kara said tentatively.  “Yeah.  I… um, I just saw the video and it was… well, how are you doing?”

Lena suddenly remembered the day she had testified against her mother and Kara had stopped by her office with donuts, checking on her at a time she had felt utterly alone.

She swallowed.

“Lena?  Can you hear me?”

“Yes, I'm…” Lena hurriedly said to fill the silence.

Then she stopped.

I’m fine, she had begun to say, just like she had made light of things with Ella.  But it wasn't actually true.

She let out a long sigh.

“It… it was… awful, Kara,” she confessed, rubbing her bruised collarbone with the hand that wasn't holding the phone.  “I’ve been threatened before, even to my face, but this felt… different.  There was so much anger…”

“I know, I feel it too,” Kara said.  “The anger, and the hatred... I’m glad you weren't hurt.”

Lena circled her toes on the bath mat she was standing on.  “Thank you.” 

All of a sudden she imagined being dragged out of the car and shoved to the ground by that snarling man, the mob closing in.

Her heart started racing and she leaned against the sideboard to steady herself.

“Uh… Lena,” she heard Kara’s voice, “do you still have the watch Supergirl gave you?” 

Lena glanced down at her wrist, now belatedly realizing that she could have called Kara for help.  

“Yes, I still wear it,” she said.  "I just… things happened so fast, I didn't even have time to react.”

Kara cleared her throat.

“Oh, ok.  Well, I’m sure she’d be there if you needed back up.  If you're speaking at an event, that kind of thing…”

Lena was touched by the offer, especially in this moment when she was genuinely worried about how crazy the world was getting.

“Thank you.  Please tell her that means a lot to me,” she said sincerely.  Then, not wanting this unexpected conversation to be over just yet, she asked, “But… how have you been?  It hasn’t been an easy year for… people in your line of work?”

Kara was quiet for a few moments.

“I’m hanging in there, I guess,” she finally said.  “I don’t think the public respects… journalists anymore.  There’s no trust, and people are getting more and more extreme, and they condemn me no matter what I do.  I’m trying to stay positive and not take it personally, but honestly, it’s… kind of depressing.  I always thought humanity was better than this.”

“I’m sorry,” Lena said softly.  “That sounds tough...”

“Yeah, well… it is what it is.”  Kara gave a weary laugh.  “Sometimes I feel like I want to quit my job and… you know… go live with my mom.”

Lena was shocked.

The Kara she had known had been sunny and confident, someone who could light up the room around her with her optimism.  But maybe a year of relentless slander - of having her integrity and motivations and even right to be on the planet questioned - would grind anybody down.

“Kara, please don’t quit,” she said.  “You’re just very visible and easy to target.  But… that's why it’s important that you stay… people look up to you.  Is there…” 

“Hey, sorry, I need to go,” Kara interrupted.  “Something just came up.  But please be careful out there, ok, Lena?”

The call disconnected and Lena stood there, unsettled.

Kara was clearly hurting, but it didn’t feel like it was her place to do anything to help, even though talking with Kara had felt as familiar as putting on an old sweatshirt, like something of Kara was still deep in her bones.  

But maybe she could at least show some support.

She called her assistant before she could talk herself out of it.

“Hi.  I'd like to send some flowers to Kara Danvers.  To her apartment, please.  The card should say Stronger Together...”

Chapter Text

Lena awoke to the sound of rising and falling arpeggios, as bright as the sunlight that was streaming through the windows.

She was in Berlin, having arrived the evening before in time to catch Anne-Marie’s recital at the Philharmonie.  It had been a tour-de-force - three of Bach’s sonatas and partitas for solo violin - and once again, Lena had been mesmerized, amazed at how a single instrument could create so many interweaving lines, the voices unfolding like fractals.  And she had admired the fearlessness it took to stand on that hexagonal stage, surrounded on all sides by the audience, utterly exposed and alone.

In the green room, Anne-Marie had been all smiles as she had greeted the dignitaries and fans who had come to pay their respects.  And then, to Lena’s great surprise, she had insisted on taking her clubbing (“you're only here for the weekend… let's make it count!") and cajoled Lena’s bodyguards into letting them go, arguing that the security at the venue was already tight, and could they please check it out first before saying no, and what if they promised to stay near the emergency exits.  Lena had looked on, amused at first, but then impressed and a little delighted as Anne-Marie had gotten her way.  

After a brief stop at her hotel to improvise an outfit - a sheer lace camisole over a black bra and leggings - and almost two hours of queuing, they had been let inside a former East German heating plant that was now one of Berlin’s most well-known clubs.  And it felt to Lena like she had been swept into a strange netherworld, hundreds and hundreds of people undulating together in a cavernous, concrete room, laser lights flashing over them, the music so loud it felt like the air was vibrating, the smell of sweat and beer and perfume in every humid breath.  

But even with her bodyguards forming a cordon around them, dancing with Anne-Marie in that pulsating darkness had been exhilarating.  Lena had felt liberated, anonymous, her mind blank as the music flowed around and through her, losing all sense of time and space and self.

She had felt disoriented when they had emerged into the chill of the morning, as though the entire night had been a fever dream, a hallucination, especially after they returned to the hotel, the stately opulence of her suite - the gilded mirrors and brocaded furniture and marble fireplaces - providing the starkest possible contrast to the industrial grittiness of the club.

Anne-Marie had pushed her up against a wall as soon as they were inside.  And the connection between them had been different too, after a night like that - freer, more physical, more primal - and Lena had orgasmed harder than she had in over a year, her skin littered with marks from Anne-Marie’s frenzied possession of her body.

But now, after a few hours of sleep, the pleasure and pain had both faded, and Lena just felt warm and lazy.  She stretched out in the silken sheets and dozed off while Anne-Marie practiced, the muted melodies floating by her ears, astonishing in their beauty.

Then there was a knock at the door.

“Ms. Luthor,” came the muffled voice of one of her assistants, “Kara Danvers is here to see you.”

Lena jolted awake.

Kara, here?

Every neuron in her brain started firing at once.

She had written off their last interaction as a blip:  Kara had texted her to thank her for the flowers, but aside from a few brief pleasantries, that had been that.  And Lena had felt a prickle of sadness, even though she had known that it had been stupid of her to have secretly hoped for a thaw.

But if Kara had flown all the way to Berlin…

“I need fifteen minutes,” she called out, and scrambled out of bed.  She showered as quickly as she could, threw on a high-necked dress and some lipstick, and put her hair up in a bun, wanting to look as put together as possible despite her nerves.

Then she took a deep breath and went out through the suite’s oak-paneled office to the red-and-gold living room, where Kara, dressed in a t-shirt, cargo pants and a baseball cap, was sitting on one of the upholstered sofas, her foot tapping away.

She looked good, if casual, and Lena’s stomach started doing flips.  But she managed to walk over and hold out her hand.

“Kara,” she said warmly.  “What a pleasant surprise.”

Kara jumped up and took off her glasses and almost knocked Lena over as she wrapped her in her arms.

“No, it’s me, Ella!” Ella said brightly.

Lena absorbed the hug, excited to see Ella after such a long time, but also feeling incredibly let down that it wasn’t in fact Kara who had come to see her.

But she pushed those feelings away.

“You look great, Ella,” she said, once Ella had given her a final squeeze.  “South Africa must agree with you?” 

“Yes, I love it there!” Ella said, putting her glasses back on as they sat down.  “And I love teaching.  But also, medicine!  I help out at this clinic where they repair obstetric fistulas, and I want to do that someday!”

Lena smiled.  Ella would make an excellent surgeon.  Really, she would be excellent at anything she wanted to do.

“Well, if I can help with your med school applications, just let me know.”  Then, curious how Ella had tracked her down, she asked, “How did you know I was here?”

“Oh, some paparazzo caught you outside yesterday,” Ella said.  “I’m sorry for surprising you.  But you didn’t answer my texts!”

Lena’s phone was in the other room and she hadn't checked it since the night before. 

“Oh… what did you need?”

Ella pulled out her own phone, suddenly serious.

“So, I was visiting a friend in Dar for the weekend, and Lena,” she said urgently, “this is where some of your employees are living!”

She showed Lena several pictures:  a few small, cement block houses with corrugated tin ceilings.  A grimy latrine.  A narrow room with a single window, crammed with beds.

The images reflected the housing conditions of a country where the standard of living was much lower than in the West.  And Lena was puzzled.  Why had Ella rushed up to show her these?  Given all her aid work, hadn’t she encountered much worse?

Lena sat back and rubbed her eyes.  “Did you… were you… expecting something else?” 

Ella blinked a few times and put the phone away.

“Oh.  Well, I guess…” she said slowly, “...I guess I thought L-Corp would take better care of its people.”

She was clearly troubled, and Lena wanted to reassure her.

“Ella, we do take good care of our people.  We pay at market, and we offer a lot of on-the-job training…”

Ella took off her hat and tossed it on the coffee table.

“Ok, but… I went to your plant and talked to some of your employees, and…” her eyebrows knitted together, “Lena, they work all the time.  Ten-hour days, six days a week… they barely have any free time.  They’re breathing in dust and fumes.  And some of them are so far from their home villages, they only see their families once a year.  What kind of life is that?”

“A hard one,” Lena agreed.  She wasn't unsympathetic to the challenges faced by economic migrants.  Yet it felt like Ella didn’t have the full story.  Lena had flown down for the opening and had met many people who seemed proud to be employed by a multinational company in the big city.  “But, Ella, you have to compare with what they were doing before.  Ambitious people will go where the opportunity is, and they're willing to sacrifice a lot to…”

“And you think that’s ok?” Ella interrupted, a slight edge to her voice.  “That they have to sacrifice?”

Lena paused.  It was clear that Ella didn’t think so.

But L-Corp wasn't doing anything wrong by creating jobs in a community that needed them, and Lena had always tried to support people who had the drive to better their situation.  Like Sam.

“I mean, yes?” she smiled at Ella, trying to lighten the mood.  “If they’re willing to put in the effort, produce something of value, and be rewarded for their efforts… what’s not ok about that?”

Ella’s cheeks turned red.

“Lena, they could get third degree burns if there's an accident!  Or suffer from chronic pain from all the heavy lifting, or develop respiratory disease or lung cancer from heavy metal exposure!  It could take years off their life!  What kind of reward is that?”

Lena frowned.  Some manufacturing jobs were certainly hard on the body, but Ella’s indignation felt unwarranted, when L-Corp took pride in how well their plants were run.

“I understand your concerns,” she said, “but in terms of health and safety, L-Corp has an excellent record.  These plants are highly automated; there are robots that do the ‘worst’ jobs.  And we do our best to make working conditions clean and safe, even above and beyond what regulators require…”

Ella cut Lena off with a shake of her head.  “Would you voluntarily trade places with one of your workers?” 

Lena went silent.  The question felt like an accusation, and she knew where it was going:  trying to get her to admit that it would be unfair to make others do a job she didn't want to do herself.  

But that was a logical fallacy and she wasn’t about to take the bait.

“You know I wouldn’t,” she said coolly.  “It would be difficult for me to adjust to a job that doesn't make use of my skills and experience… but that doesn't mean I wouldn't do it if I had to, or that these aren't good jobs for others.  In fact, I’m getting criticized for moving them offshore, which tells you how much people want to do them.”

Ella’s jaw dropped.

“How can you say these are good jobs when your workers can’t even afford decent housing?  They make a few hundred dollars a month... surely you can pay them more?”

Lena looked down.  It was fascinating how some people - including Ella, apparently - thought that large corporations had gobs of cash just sitting around.  But it wasn't true, at least not for L-Corp.

“It’s not that simple,” she said.  “L-Corp reinvests most of our earnings in research and development, and every dollar is spoken for.  We're on the technology frontier and in constant danger of being disrupted, so if I don't run a tight ship, we won't survive.  I can't justify inflating wages when it won't provide a return.  And again, we are paying at market.  Our employees don’t expect more.”

The giants of the 20th century - General Electric, US Steel, AT&T - were all shadows of themselves now, stark reminders that even the most successful companies could not afford to get complacent.  

Ella made a face and got up and went over to the fireplace, picking up one of the antique vases on the mantel.

“This is the whole problem with capitalism,” she complained, turning the vase around in her hands.  “It’s only about returns and profits, not people’s well-being.  So if you’re unlucky enough to be born poor in this world, you have to settle for scraps.”

Her mouth was set in a thin line, and Lena suddenly remembered their first, long-ago conversation, before she had even known that Ella was Ella.

“Lena, Marx says that people with capital exploit the value created by people who have to work for wages…”

So much had changed.  

Ella was no longer the happy-go-lucky girl who had hung onto her every word, eager to hear her opinions and learn from her.  She had her own experiences now, her own worldview, which of course was as it should be, but it was concerning to Lena that she seemed to have become overly reductive in her beliefs.

“I don’t think that's true,” Lena said patiently, wondering how best to proceed to show Ella that capitalism had its merits.  “Ella, most of the decline in extreme poverty over the past forty years has been due to China and India embracing market reforms and free trade.  Because seeking profits ensures that companies produce what people actually value, and that creates growth and jobs.  And if someone can get a toehold on the ladder, they can work their way up.  That’s not to say there isn’t a lot more to do, but, you know...” she smiled, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

Ella put the vase back and turned around, her face impassive.

“Rome was built by slaves, Lena,” she said darkly, “and capitalism is just as bad, from what I've seen.  The inequality is staggering.  When I go to National City every month, I see Lamborghinis driving right by the tent cities next to the highway.  It’s… immoral.”

Lena wasn’t quite sure what to make of that comment; Ella knew she owned a fleet of cars.

“Are you…” she tried to clarify, “are you saying it’s immoral for wealthy people to spend money on luxuries until mental illness and addiction and homelessness have been eradicated?  Isn’t that a tad extreme?”

Ella leaned back against the fireplace, her chin up.

“Is it?  I think what’s extreme is that one person can have so much money they can spend a million dollars on a car, while another person is literally dying on the street next to them.  Why do capitalist societies tolerate such disparity?”

Ella’s eyes were boring into her own, as if she were daring her to respond.  

And Lena took a deep breath, intent on rising to the challenge.

“We tolerate it,” she said, arching an eyebrow, “because we need outsized rewards for people who take risks and innovate.  For example, if someone takes a run at a hard problem - like a cure for endometriosis, or glioblastoma, or maybe a way to patch a fistula without the need for surgery - it’s going to be capital intensive, and the chance of failure is very high.  So we need to hold out the promise of recouping one’s investment and then some, or no one would bother.  And that may create disparity, even significant disparity, but I think the trade-off is worth it, because if they succeed, millions of people will benefit.”

Ella shifted and crossed her arms, her lean muscles flexing under her t-shirt.

“Right,” she said tersely.  “But if someone finds a cure for glioblastoma, it’s because there were teachers who taught them biology, and scientists who published papers they read, and janitors who cleaned up after them, and a nanny who looked after their kids.  We’re all connected, Lena… we all depend on each other.  Why should the rewards disproportionately accrue to one person?”

“It isn’t disproportionate, though,” Lena argued.  Ella wasn't being pragmatic.  “If a janitor walks off the job, the company could find someone else to take out the trash that same day.  But the founder’s skills are the critical ones; they can raise funding and get a new therapy through clinical trials… the company wouldn't get off the ground without them.  Their contributions aren't anywhere close to equivalent.”

Ella rolled her eyes.

“Ok, but neither were their opportunities.  That janitor probably never got the chance to go to college, let alone grad school, let alone get to pitch to venture capitalists.  They shouldn't have to live paycheck to paycheck because they grew up disadvantaged.  It isn’t fair, Lena.”

Lena sighed.  It was like talking to a brick wall.

“Maybe not, but…” life isn't fair, she almost said, but realized that would probably set Ella off.  “Look… Ella, I am all for leveling the playing field for children; my foundation does a lot of work in maternal health, early childhood education, racial justice…  At some point, though, people have to accept the circumstances they find themselves in and take responsibility for their lives.  You can’t let the past dictate your future, or let someone else write your story.  I learned that the hard way…” Lena bit her lip, sparing a thought for her mother, and for the Luthors, and for Kara.  “And I think that… a fixation on others… on what they have that you don’t, or believing that they owe you and should pay your way… it’s corrosive to ambition, to your sense of agency.  It leads to envy and resentment instead of getting out there and making things happen for yourself…”

Ella laughed out loud. 

“And where,” she said, her voice scornful, “has all this ambition, all this individualism, all this ‘making things happen,’ led us, Lena?  To a world where it’s ok to be selfish and greedy, to chase status and convenience, to only care about yourself?  Where we reduce people's worth to how much money they can make?  Where we destroy the earth to feed our endless appetite for new stuff?”

Her eyes were blazing, and Lena studied her, trying to take stock of the conversation.

A very inappropriate part of her was wildly attracted to this new Ella - passionate, idealistic, burning with righteous anger - and wanted to keep debating, to convince Ella that for all its flaws, capitalism was still far more transparent and fairer than economic systems that pretended to be for the people, yet somehow always turned into kleptocracies.  And that capitalism enabled an engine of creativity and efficiency that had produced antibiotics, higher-yielding crops, and vaccines, and in time, would solve pollution and climate change and alien-human coexistence and future challenges that couldn't even be foreseen today.  

But there didn’t seem to be much point in continuing at the moment, not when Ella was this wound up. 

“Ok, Ella…” she said, giving her a regretful smile, “why don't we just agree to disagree for now?  We clearly think differently about this.  Want to talk about something else?”  She patted the sofa, inviting her to come sit back down.  “How do you like the food in South Africa?  I remember this amazing stew that was served in a bread bowl…”

Ella stalked over and grabbed her hat off the coffee table.  

“I should get going.  Have a good day.”

She headed to the door.

Lena was taken aback.  While things had certainly gotten heated, she hadn't expected that Ella would storm off.

“Hey…” she called after her, “are we good?”

Ella turned, her face somber.

“I don’t think so, Lena,” she said, twisting the hat around in her hands. “Obviously, I knew you were a CEO and everything, but I guess I didn't really understand what that meant.”

A CEO and everything…

Lena’s eyes narrowed.  Suddenly this felt personal.

“Oh?” she said, piqued but doing her best to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.  “And what does it mean?”  

Ella held her gaze.

“It means that… I can't reconcile how kind you are to me, and how generous you are with all the charities you support… with how you can defend a system that is plainly harmful for most people, and for the environment, for that matter.  And I think…” she paused for a moment, then shrugged, “however you try to rationalize it, Lena, you're taking advantage of the poverty your workers are born into, in order to increase your profits and further L-Corp’s aims.”

Lena stood up, offended beyond words.

“Ella, that is bullshit,” she said angrily.  “I’m not taking advantage of anyone.  I pay my employees fairly and give them a path out of poverty.  I hope you can see that I'm trying to be part of the solution.  Let’s not fight about this, ok?  It’s a philosophical difference…”

“It’s not,” Ella shot back, her eyes glowing again.  “These are people’s lives.  And they're caught in an illegitimate system that is stacked against them and being brainwashed to be grateful.  I don’t accept that the world has to be this unequal.  And if you could see what I've seen, if you could just leave your bubble for a few minutes, maybe you would do something about it.”

She gave a dismissive wave and walked out, slamming the door.  

Lena stared after her, blood pounding in her ears, her stomach twisting into knots.  

She felt insulted, of course, but also bewildered and hurt that Ella would not acknowledge that she was trying to do good.  

Just then, Anne-Marie came out of the dining room, looking relaxed but stylish in a fitted white shirt and skinny jeans, her blonde hair framing her face like a lion’s mane.

“Done!  Or as my mother would say, ‘the goat is shaved!’”

Lena looked at her mutely.  She hadn’t even noticed that the music had stopped.

Anne-Marie immediately came over.  “What’s wrong?” she asked softly, taking Lena’s hands and sitting them both down.  “What happened?”

“I was talking to… an ex,” Lena said uncomfortably. 

“Ah?” said Anne-Marie, a twinkle in her eye.  “Do I have competition?  Even after last night?”

At this point, the night before - the recital, the club, the sex - felt like it had happened to someone else.  

But Lena didn't want to hurt Anne-Marie’s feelings.

“No… not after last night,” she said, swallowing.  

A flicker of concern passed over Anne-Marie’s face, but then she bent her head down and pressed a kiss to the soft skin just below Lena’s ear.

“Good,” she said.  “Then let me help you forget about them...”

Lena inhaled, her skin prickling with arousal, but her mind was all over the place, and she was suddenly aware of how hungry she was.

“Actually…” she said apologetically, pulling back, “can we get something to eat?  And go for a walk?  I need to clear my head.”

Anne-Marie nodded and gave her an understanding look.  “Yes of course.  Let me get ready.”

She got up and went to the bedroom, leaving Lena sitting there on the sofa to ponder why this time, it felt like Ella had left her for good.

Chapter Text

“This way, Ms. Luthor.”

Lena’s assistant handed her a tablet and a bottle of water as she walked into a glass-walled conference room in L-Corp’s Singapore office. 

She had an hour before she had to be at a dinner hosted by the Ministry of Trade and Industry to advocate for L-Corp’s interests in the region, and she needed to be on her A-game.

She quickly scanned the briefing notes and attendee biographies, but after a few minutes, she set the tablet down and rested her face in her hands, her focus shot.

She had been in Asia for the past three days, having left Berlin first thing Monday morning, after a subdued - bordering on uncomfortable - night with Anne-Marie.  It had been her fault; she had suddenly felt cooler about their relationship and hadn't been able to fully mask her ambivalence, despite Anne-Marie’s efforts to draw her out.  But despite that, they had agreed to meet in London in a month.  And Lena hoped that in the intervening time, she could quiet the voice in her head telling her that something wasn't right, even though on paper, Anne-Marie seemed perfect for her.

On the plane, Lena had stared out of the window at the clouds, replaying her fight with Ella over and over in her mind, trying to determine what she had said that had been so offensive as to cause Ella to storm out.  

But as far as she could see, there was nothing remarkable about her libertarian, pro-market views; they were commonplace in her circles, and opinion polls showed that the vast majority of Americans supported free enterprise.  And she also hadn't dismissed or denigrated Ella’s leftist ideals.  In fact, it had been quite the opposite:  she had done her best to engage calmly and respectfully.  

She had sent Ella a text somewhere over India:

[Lena Luthor, 7:43pm]  I know you're upset that I don’t share your beliefs.  But I hope you can tolerate mine, as I do yours.  Call me?  

As the days passed without a response, Lena had grown increasingly worried and frustrated.  It felt like Ella was being like a belligerent teenager, punishing her with the silent treatment.  

But there was nothing she could do except try to reach out again.

She sighed and picked up her phone.

[Lena Luthor, 6:35pm]  Can we talk?  Please?

She stood up and went to the window to take in the view of the sleek towers lining Marina Bay and the container ships entering the harbor.  Then she heard her phone buzz twice and ran back to read the response.

But it was Sam.  

[Sam Arias, 6:36pm]  Oil prices are spiking and we have exposure in a few areas 

[Sam Arias, 6:36pm]  Am setting up a call for after your dinner when the West Coast wakes up

[Lena Luthor, 6:36pm]  Ok. Thanks for the heads up

[Sam Arias, 6:37pm]  Also did you see this?  Daily Planet covered it too

“NATIONAL CITY MAYOR TO REMOVE SUPERGIRL STATUE”

[Lena Luthor, 6:37pm]  No.  Thanks for sending

She clicked through to the CatCo article.  

Apparently over the past year, the “Girl of Steel” statue on the waterfront had become a rallying point for large, sometimes violent, anti-alien rallies.  And a few days ago, its head had been hacked off by chainsaw-wielding vandals.  The mayor had decided that the city couldn’t afford to repair the statue and would be putting it into storage.  And he was also forming a committee to solicit opinions about which monuments should stand in public parks in these fraught times. 

How has it come to this? Lena thought as she sat back down.  

Once upon a time, the people of National City had been grateful to have their own Super, proud that she had chosen to make their city her home.  She had been a symbol of hope and empowerment, an inspiration to all.  

Lena picked up her phone again, her thumb hovering over her texting app.  

Kara must be devastated.  But given that their last exchange had fizzled, she felt hesitant about reaching out to her again.  The ball felt like it was squarely in Kara's court, and unlikely to be returned.

But the symbolism of decapitation was too gruesome to let pass.

[Lena Luthor, 6:40pm]  Hey, I heard about the statue.  How is Supergirl doing?

Surprisingly, given that it was the middle of the night in National City, Kara responded right away.

[Kara Danvers, 6:40pm]  Eh.  She's been better

[Lena Luthor, 6:40pm]  I hope she knows she has a lot of supporters too and can shake this off

[Kara Danvers, 6:41pm]  …

[Kara Danvers, 6:41pm]  I’m sure she'll try

Lena frowned.  That didn't sound encouraging.

[Kara Danvers, 6:41pm]  I need to sleep

[Kara Danvers, 6:41pm]  Thanks for texting

[Lena Luthor, 6:41pm]  Of course.  Good night, Kara

Rebuffed again, Lena shrugged and went back to her briefing notes.  

But the longer she sat there, the more indignant she became on Kara’s behalf.  The mayor was just rolling over and giving up without a fight.  He was doing exactly what the mob wanted, and would only be encouraging more antisocial behavior, more lawlessness, more violence.

But at least this had an easy solution.

She forwarded the article to the director of her foundation.

[Lena Luthor, 6:45pm]  Hi, can you please get a meeting with the mayor.  Let’s give the city a grant to restore the statue and take care of any security costs as well

It would only be a small victory, a minor stand in the face of xenophobia, but as Lena put her phone down again, she felt a burst of confidence, a fresh wind at her back.  

Because regardless of what Ella thought of her, she knew she was a force for good.  

—--

The incidents started off small - a part missing here, some equipment damaged there - but after a week, the reports started to snowball until the conclusion was undeniable:  private jets, megayachts, and luxury cars around the world were being vandalized in what appeared to be a coordinated campaign against the ultra-wealthy.  

No one had been injured or killed:  the damage was always obvious, like a massive crack in the hull of a yacht, or the entire engine block missing from a sports car.  But the police had no leads.  The perpetrators had been savvy enough to evade whatever security measures were in place in airports, ports, and even private garages.  

The media were having a field day, publishing paparazzi photos of harried CEOs and their entourages at airports as they were forced to fly commercial.  Everybody was speculating about who might be behind the attacks and what their motivations were.  And the leftists were downright gleeful, drunk on schadenfreude, but also seizing on the moment to push for tax reform and new regulations on carbon emissions from private jets.

Back in her office in National City, Lena sat at her desk and read a report from her COO, a pen spinning around her fingers. 

Her own fleets hadn’t been hit, but L-Corp had been overwhelmed with requests for advanced sensors and force fields as the wealthy raced to protect their property, and her team planned to quadruple production, paying special overtime to meet the demand.  It appeared L-Corp would make a fortune, even as insurers were losing their shirts.

Lena put a blazer on over her dress and went out to the balcony to get some air.  

Brava, Ella, she thought.  Well played.  

Although she had no proof, this was clearly Ella’s doing.  The timing, so soon after their argument in Berlin, was just too suspect.  And who else could have pulled off something like this?  

But like the mob that had attacked in DC, and the thugs who had decapitated Kara’s statue, Ella had crossed a very bright line, at least in the eyes of the law.  If she were caught, she could face years in prison.  And given the untraceability of the attacks, hate groups were already blaming them on aliens and using them as further evidence that non-humans didn't respect basic conventions like property rights and needed to be rounded up before they could do more damage.  

Somebody had to get through to Ella.  But Lena knew that person couldn't be her; Ella had left her last text on ‘read.’

Would she listen to Kara, though?

Lena pulled out her phone.

[Lena Luthor, 8:22am]  Hi.  Could you please ask Supergirl to stop by my office today when she gets a chance?  

[Kara Danvers, 8:22am]  Of course

Lena was typing “thanks” when the exterior alarms flashed and Kara touched down in front of her.

Lena’s stomach fluttered at the suddenness of her presence.  Kara was as gorgeous as ever, her hair falling in perfect waves over her shoulders, her bottom lip caught between her teeth…

Jesus.  Pull yourself together.

“Supergirl,” Lena said quickly, in a tone she hoped was polite but not unfriendly.  “Thank you for coming.  Please come in?”

She was mindful now that others could be listening, even thirty stories off the ground.

Kara nodded and followed her to the door.

“This place hasn’t changed one bit,” she said softly, stepping inside and glancing around the office.  Her eyes fell on the floral arrangement that was sitting on the coffee table.  “Plumerias?”

Lena bit her lip as she shut the door, remembering the first time Kara had stopped by and noticed her flowers.

“Yes… still my favorite...” 

She cast around for something else to say, but her ability to make small talk seemed to have deserted her.

“Um… would you like to sit?” she asked, shifting into hostess mode and gesturing to the chairs in front of her desk.  “And, something to drink?”

Kara’s eyes flicked to the sofa and back.  “Uh… no thanks,” she said, shifting on her feet.  “I'm alright.”

Kara didn’t look alright; her eyes were dim and cloudy, her face drawn, and Lena felt a pang.  

“Then can I tempt you with a donut?” she asked, wondering how long it would take Noonan’s to deliver.  “I would love to catch up…”

Kara was still for a moment, but then said, “Sorry, I have to get back to work.  What's going on?”

Lena pressed her lips together.  Another overture, spurned.  But if Kara wanted to keep things transactional, she could follow her lead.

She leaned against her desk and cut to the chase.

“Ok, well… I’m worried about Ella.  Have you spoken to her recently?”

Kara furrowed her brow.

“Uh, yeah… we went flying when she was here for her check up, a couple days ago.  She seemed ok.  But…” she made a face, “I know you had a fight.”

Lena flushed. 

“Oh,” she said.  She wasn't surprised that Ella had told Kara - she knew they were close - but it stung that Ella had been in town and hadn't bothered to get in touch.  “If you don't mind me asking, what did she say?”

“Just that…” Kara said, fidgeting with her cuffs, “just that she was disappointed in you.  I, uh… didn't want to pry.”

Disappointed.  Kara had no idea.

“I see…” Lena said.  Then she wondered if Kara might have independently picked up on signs that Ella had become radicalized.  “Has she ever talked with you about… capitalism?” 

Kara blinked, looking surprised by the question.

“Um… a little.  We talk about her work, so... well, she’s not a fan.”  She tipped her head up.  “Why?  What are you worried about?”

Lena paused.  If it hadn't occurred to Kara that Ella might be involved in the attacks, were her suspicions actually valid?  Or was she letting her frustration cloud her judgment?

“Lena...”

Lena glanced up.  Kara had taken a step towards her and was looking at her intently.  “What are you worried about?” she repeated.

A shiver went up Lena's spine as she got lost in the blue of Kara's eyes.  She knew the protectiveness radiating from Kara was for Ella, not her, but it was electrifying nonetheless.

“I…” she said, trying to gather herself as her heart was pounding all of a sudden, “so, I think Ella might be the one who is sabotaging private jets.”

Kara’s eyebrows shot up.

“Ella?”  Her nose wrinkled, and the intensity of her gaze faded, like all the air had been let out of a balloon.  “No way.  She wouldn’t do something like that...”

Lena could understand her skepticism.

“I know.  I wouldn't have believed it myself,” she responded, deciding to put her admittedly weak cards on the table, “but when we were in Berlin, she said it was immoral for wealthy people to own Lamborghinis, and that capitalism was an illegitimate system.  And not a week later, all this sabotage starts happening.  But more than that… Kara, she was livid with me.  Just because I’m a CEO.  And now she won’t even respond to my texts, and it isn’t… I’m…”

The hurt she had been carrying inside abruptly threatened to spill over, and she bit her cheek.

“Huh,” Kara said slowly.  “That doesn't sound like her...”

Lena was encouraged enough to make her request.  

“Would you please talk to her?  She won’t listen to me, but if she’s involved, she needs to stop.  My sensors are going to be everywhere in a couple weeks, and if she's caught, they're going to throw the book at her...”

Kara picked at a thread on the arm of her suit, smiling a little to herself.

“If this is Ella… if she thinks she's doing the right thing, you know she won’t care about that.  Which…” she looked up,  “Lena, do you really think it's ethical to own a private jet?  Inequality aside, aren't they terrible for the environment?”

From Lena’s perspective, aviation was only responsible for a small percentage of total carbon emissions, so singling out private jets was irrational and petty when there were much, much bigger fish to fry in the fight against climate change.  

But, awkward as it was, it was wonderful to be talking to Kara again, and she wanted to avoid an argument that could throw off this fragile recalibration.

“I think that's a matter of debate,” she said lightly.  “But… can we at least agree that Ella shouldn’t be running around destroying property?  The world is already on fire, and this is only adding to the chaos.”  Then her stomach dropped.  “And I just realized, Kara… if she’s caught, they’re going to think it’s you.”

Kara opened her mouth as though she was about to argue, but then she shut it.

“Ok,” she said, sounding resigned.  “I can ask her about it.”

Lena frowned.  Kara didn't seem to be taking this seriously, despite how much damage could be done to Supergirl’s reputation.

“Thank you, but what were you going to say?”

“It’s… never mind.”

Lena forced herself to smile.  

She should have expected that Kara would keep her at arm’s length, that their interactions might be stilted.  But the distance felt excruciating, when what she wanted was to return to the way things were, to recover the friendship they had lost.

“Uh…” Kara cleared her throat, “I guess I’ll be…”

Lena suddenly found her courage.  

The old Lena would have let Kara walk out the door, but the new one knew she had to say something.

“Kara… wait, please…” she said, struggling to find the right words.  “I know we've barely spoken in two years, but I…” she felt her chest tighten, “I miss our talks.  I miss you.  I miss us.  And… I know you said it wasn't healthy for you to be around me, but I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on myself and how harshly I treated you, and also…” she felt a stab of regret, “I did fall for Ella, but I can understand how choosing to date her probably felt like a big fuck you, and I’m sorry I was so caught up in myself and my anger that I was… so callous.  And hurtful.  And I… I want to try again, if you're willing…”

Kara froze, her eyes widening, and Lena watched her for the ghost of a smile, for a sign that she was forgiven.

But then Kara let out her breath.

“There was a time, Lena,” she said, her voice low, “when I would have given all the stars in the sky to hear you say that...”

Lena’s heart dropped.  

“But…” she prompted, bracing for a final rejection.

“But… I’ve decided to leave Earth,” Kara said, an apologetic look on her face.  “I’ll be giving notice at CatCo and wrapping things up over the next couple weeks.”

Lena gasped.  From their last conversation, she had known it was a possibility that Kara might leave, but in her heart of hearts, she hadn’t believed that Kara would actually do it.

This was terrible.  Not just for her, but for the planet.

“No, Kara…” she said weakly.

“...I was going to let you know, because I was planning to ask Ella to listen for your signal watch,” Kara continued.  “But if things are weird between you two, I can ask Kal-El instead, if you're ok with that...” 

Lena was still reeling, and the transfer of signal watch response duties was the furthest thing from her mind.

“But your family is here… your friends...” me, she wanted to say, but she knew she had no standing whatsoever.  “Kara, this is your home.”

Kara laughed softly.

“Yes.  But it hasn’t felt that way for a while.  I believed this planet had welcomed me and my kind with open arms, but now… it feels like people are afraid of me, or at least the idea of me, and… I don’t want that.  I’ve tried my best to keep them on my side, but every time I fly around, I remind everyone that I could kill them.”

Lena shook her head.  None of that was insurmountable.

“That is a branding problem,” she said, her inner marketer kicking in.  “Please let me help you with this.  There are a few steps you could take that could really…”

Kara looked down at her feet.

“I think it goes deeper than that, Lena,” she said, crossing her arms around herself again.  “They see me as a threat, the way I saw Kryptonite, and… you know how insane I was…”

It sounded to Lena like Kara had taken the wrong lesson from that entire debacle.  

“But you got over your fear, and so can we,” she said firmly.  “There’s no law saying that humans have to be at the top of the food chain.  We have to accept our circumstances and find ways to use the gifts we have to make ourselves more competitive.  Not run you out of town because you’re different.  Even if you are superior.”

It wasn’t actually that far from her views on economic inequality.  Vilifying the rich and vilifying powerful aliens came from the same misguided impulse to blame and scapegoat and avoid reality, instead of just buckling down and trying harder.

Kara looked up, her eyes dark.

“I’ve always admired your… drive, Lena.  But I don't want humans to have to work themselves to death to keep up with me, or make people feel ‘less than.’  And I think the best thing I can do for this society, for this world, is to leave.”

Lena arched an eyebrow.  That was illogical.

“How does that help?  Your leaving won’t change the fact that other species are more powerful than we are, and that we need to adapt.  And you’ve only used your powers for good, to help us…”

Kara sighed.

“Alex said the same thing.  But… I don’t think that matters anymore.  Whether I use my powers to help or hurt, they’re out of balance for this ecosystem, and that is a problem.  And… I’m tired of the heroics.  They were a way for me to feel useful, to feel like I had a place in this world.  But I don't want to be where I'm not wanted.  I never became Supergirl for the adoration, but the past year has been…” pain washed over her face, “brutal.  I don't feel like I'm helping, and I just want to disappear.  Be ordinary again.”

She seemed exhausted, the fight knocked out of her.  It was an exhaustion Lena knew well, the kind that seeped into one's bones, that made everything seem meaningless and not worth the energy.

“Then why not just stop?” Lena asked, more gently.  On her sabbatical, she had also flirted with the idea of resigning and living quietly somewhere.  And while that wasn’t the choice she had made, it might be a viable path for Kara, who seemed completely burnt out.  “You don't have to put yourself out there if you don’t want to anymore.  And you don't have to leave Earth, if you just want a normal life.”

Kara’s lips curved into a wistful smile. 

“Yes, I do,” she said.  “Because, the only time I feel like myself here is when I’m Supergirl.  I can run as fast as I want, and do things to the best of my abilities without the fear of being discovered.  Otherwise, I have to rein myself in.  A planet with a red sun will be better for me, and I've found a nice one a couple hundred light years away…”

Lena suddenly imagined Kara, without her glasses, her hair down, laughing and joking as she walked through a crowded bazaar with a diverse group of friends, one who had three eyes, another with a bulbous head and green skin, another who was half-android, the sky a beautiful crimson above them.  

The thought of her in exile, yet happier, was jarring, and helpless tears came to Lena’s eyes, even though she knew she didn't have a right to cry.  In fact, she could now see that shutting Kara out had been the worst thing she could have done to an orphan who carried the trauma of losing her entire planet, who just wanted to be accepted, to fit in somewhere.

And now the alien-haters had taken the fuse she had lit and had finished the job.

Guilt flooded her and Lena took a deep breath.

“Kara… you do have a place in this world.  And people can change,” she said, her throat suddenly aching.  “I mean, I pushed you away, but… I don’t want you to go.  Please.  I… I can’t imagine life without you here, on Earth.  We can figure this out.  Please give me - give us,” she swiftly corrected herself, “another chance.”

Kara flinched and turned away.  

“I… this is… I’ve already...” she said, her voice strained, her hands clenching at her sides.  “It’s too late, Lena, I can’t…”

Then she straightened up.

“Goodbye,” she choked out, and the alarms flashed and she was gone.

Lena almost collapsed against her desk, feeling like her heart had been ripped out.   

Although on a practical level, Kara’s departure wouldn't change anything for her, it was still shattering.

How toxic had Earth become for aliens, if even Supergirl didn't want to be here?

But Lena also didn’t quite understand why Kara was abdicating, and why she seemed to think that humanity could somehow be coddled and protected from the reality of inter-species competition, from the survival of the fittest, rather than evolve...  

Evolve.

Lena’s mind cleared, leaving a single, laser-like thought. 

The solution to all their problems had been right under her nose:  the Harun-El.

If humans had powers, they would no longer feel inferior to other species, and then everybody could come to their senses and stop seeing aliens as threats.

There would be a period of adjustment, but once they were past that, a multi-species society could take root on Earth, so Kara and others could live freely…

Lena jumped up and practically ran out of her office.

“Ms. Luthor, your nine o’clock is…” her assistant stammered.

“Please clear my calendar for the rest of the week,” Lena ordered as she strode down the hall towards her lab.  “And ask Sam Arias to call me when she gets a chance.”

She was going to fix all of this, if it was the last thing she did.  For Kara.

Chapter Text

Lena was placing a Harun-El sample into the center of an array of lasers when the doorbell of her lab chimed.  She startled and her hand slipped, throwing off the delicate alignment of the finely-tuned apparatus.

She swore and tossed the forceps down onto the bench, irritated by the interruption, the first in three weeks.

She had spent every waking hour since Kara had flown away running experiment after experiment to learn how to manipulate the Harun-El’s properties.  Even her dreams, when she dragged herself over to the cot in the corner to sleep for a few hours, were of particles spinning around in a haze of purple light.  Occasionally she would also see Kara smiling at her from the foot of the cot, but the warm glow would dissipate as soon as she awoke in the sterile cold of the lab, leaving her feeling bereft and empty.

But as always, her work saved her.  She had made some significant advances in a very short time, and was certain now that the energy transfer from the pocket dimension could be modulated by tweaking the Harun-El’s lattice structure, which would alter the quantum properties of the electrons flowing through it.  And she had vowed to keep pushing until she had figured everything out.

Fortunately, she didn’t have to worry about L-Corp:  Sam had taken over as acting CEO again.  But that had only been after she had flown out to voice her strong objections to continuing the research.

“You know I had concerns last time, but I thought the risks were manageable then.  The world is different now.  Imagine what the Children of Liberty would do if they had super-strength… it would be all-out war.”

“I don't know about that.  Once everyone has powers, there will be no reason for any of these anti-alien groups to exist.  They prey on people’s fears.  But if no one is afraid anymore, they'll lose membership and support and wither away.”

“Or they'll dig in and get even more extreme.  They've shown they’re violent, Lena.  You can’t give them bigger guns.  It's irresponsible.  There’s bound to be bloodshed.”

“But there's bloodshed already, Sam.  And it's getting worse, and the longer it goes, the more people become too scarred and cynical to even consider coexistence.  Like… if, god forbid, something happened to Ruby - if she got caught in the crossfire - wouldn’t that change your mind about aliens being here?”

Sam had made a face.

“Ok, you have a point.  But… I still think this is reckless.  Once the Harun-El gets out there, you’ll lose control of it.  And it will change the world in ways we can't predict.”

“Yes, but that’s how progress works.  It's disruptive.  A person from five hundred years ago wouldn’t even recognize the world we live in now.  Yet every major advancement that got us here was controversial in its day because it upended the status quo.  We can’t be afraid of trying things, especially when the situation is this dire.”

“Lena… I hear everything you’re saying, but I can’t get behind this right now.  It's too risky.”

“Ok, I understand.  But… look, I think we’re putting the cart before the horse here.  We don’t even know if it’s possible to control the energy transfer.  Let me find that out first and then we can decide what to do?”

“Lena…”

“Please, Sam… this is important to me…”

“I really…”

“Nothing will leave the lab.  I promise.”

Sam had sighed.

“Ok, fine.  As long as nothing leaves the lab.  But… you need to tell me if anything looks promising, and then we’re going to convene an ethics board.  Also, I hate to say this, but you look like you haven’t showered in days.  You have got to take better care of yourself…”

Lena had taken Sam’s grudging acquiescence as a win and had returned to the lab, grateful for the meal delivery and laundry service Sam had set up for her.  But she had disregarded Sam’s advice to take breaks and get outside once a day; there was no time to lose.  Not if she wanted Kara back.

The chime kept sounding and Lena finally stripped off her gloves and got up and went over to the door, pausing to make sure she looked presentable in her sweater and jeans and lab coat.  Then she pressed her hand to the control pad, ready to give whoever was on the other side hell for interrupting her. 

The door slid open.

“I gave…” she started, but her voice was hoarse from disuse and she cleared her throat and tried again, “I gave strict orders that I wasn’t to be disturbed.”

“Sorry, it's an emergency,” Alex said curtly, holding up her FBI badge, an L-Corp security guard accompanying her.  “Your phone went to voicemail and Sam said you were here.  Can we talk?” 

She brushed past Lena into the lab before Lena could stop her.

“Um… sure?” Lena said, her brain not quite processing what was happening.  “Wait!  Alex…”  She waved off the guard and went back inside, the door closing behind her. 

Alex had stopped dead in the middle of the lab and was looking around at all the equipment.

“Is that the Harun-El?” she asked, spying one of the samples.  “What are you doing with it?”

“Just picking up where I left off with some experiments,” Lena said, a little impatiently.  She had nothing to hide, but she wanted to move this along so she could get back to work.  “What’s the emergency?”

Alex raised an eyebrow like she had many more questions, but instead she reached into her jacket and pulled out her phone.  

“Here… look at this…”

It was security camera footage of a blurry figure in a black bodysuit and helmet hovering in the air near a white stucco building, trying to coax a cat down from a small palm tree.

“It's Ella, right?”

Lena nodded.  She would recognize that lithe, athletic body anywhere.

Alex sighed and put her phone away.

“That was taken outside a bank in the British Virgin Islands a half hour ago.  The bank’s data center and its backup data center were destroyed with what appeared to be high-powered lasers.”

“My god,” Lena said, shocked.  This was quite an escalation from vandalizing private jets.  

Because without the data, the money in the bank was as good as gone.  The bank might be able to partially recreate its ledgers from piecing together electronic transfer records from other financial institutions, but its cash transactions were unrecoverable.  And that meant it was paralyzed, unable to tell how much money had been in each account, and unable to disperse any funds in case the requests were fraudulent.  Anyone who had an account there - likely multinationals and individuals that had shifted their assets to the no-tax jurisdiction - was shit out of luck.

Lena had to hand it to Ella; if she wanted to go after corporations and the über-wealthy, she had gone for the jugular.  

But Lena also wondered if Ella had considered how fragile the global banking system was.  If word got out that an alien was targeting offshore banks, there could be a massive panic.  Everybody would scramble to pull out their money at once, which would cause more banks to fail and wipe out all their depositors.  Trillions of dollars could vanish in an instant, plunging the world into a major depression as companies went bankrupt or slashed costs to rebalance their books. 

It would be chaos.

“We need to avert a contagion,” Alex said, as though reading her mind.  “I need your help, Lena.  Only a few people know what happened and we’ve sworn them to secrecy, and Treasury will prop up the bank’s transactions for the time being.  But we have to get to her before she strikes again.”

Lena bit her lip.  It still pained her that Ella had written her off completely.

“Maybe Kara told you…” she said, hating to admit she had no influence, “but I’m not exactly Ella’s favorite person right now.  She’s not answering my texts.  I don’t think there’s anything I can do.”

“Right, we know she’s ditched her phone.” Alex replied.  “What I meant was, I need you to build me a kryptonite chamber.  Like the one you used to contain Reign.  When Ella comes in for her checkup this week, I’m going to detain her.  We need to give banks everywhere a chance to retool their data infrastructure.”

Lena was aghast.  There was no way that Ella would react well to being deceived or imprisoned.

“Alex, she’s going to be pissed.  And then what will she do once she gets out?”

“She may not be getting out,” Alex said, her voice grim.  “The DEO has the authority to indefinitely detain aliens if we have reasonable suspicion they will cause catastrophic harm.  Similar to military powers in wartime.  There will be a tribunal.  But we’ll cross that bridge once we come to it.”

“What?”  Lena felt a burst of panic.  She had known Ella might go to prison, but had never contemplated that she might go away for life.  “Alex, the DEO can't… this is Ella we’re talking about here…”

Alex threw up her hands.  

“I don’t like it either, but I don’t know what else to do.  Kara tried to talk to her a few weeks ago, and she just brushed it off.  I personally don't even want to go after her for this, because tax avoidance shouldn't be a thing.  But we have no idea what she might do next, and she could bring down the whole damn system.  We can't just leave her out there.”

Lena looked down.  She didn’t agree with Alex’s comment about tax avoidance; it was legal and everybody did it. But as much as it made her stomach churn, she could understand the logic around indefinite detention. It was like putting down a bear that had attacked a campsite; there was simply too much risk in letting a hostile, superpowered being roam free.  

It brought her back to the moment when Lex had been arrested.  She had agonized over whether to testify, knowing in her heart that he was dangerous, that he had to be stopped, but also knowing that she would be putting him away for good.  

And she wondered if Alex, under her stoic, no-nonsense demeanor, was trying to keep it together.

“This must be very hard for you,” Lena said softly.  “I know you adore her… and I wish she hadn’t gone down this path.”

Alex let out a sigh, and her stance relaxed a little.

“Me neither.  I wish I had checked in with her more after she started traveling.  To see where her head was at.  I assumed she was like Kara, more… responsible with her powers, but… that was a mistake.”  Then she glanced down at the bench next to her and picked up a chunk of the Harun-El.  “Lena, what are you doing with this?  Does it have something to do with Ella?”

Lena reached out and took back the rock.  

She hadn't appreciated being interrupted before, but now she was glad that Alex was here.  As a brilliant scientist in her own right, Alex might be able to help her think through a few things.  

“Not Ella… Kara,” Lena said, giving her a small smile.  “I’ve created a version of the Harun-El with a different lattice structure…”

Surprise flashed across Alex’s face, but Lena plowed ahead, starting to get excited, as she always did when she was discussing her research and on the cusp of a breakthrough.

“...the angle of which can be tuned to slow down the flow of electrons from the pocket dimension.  I was just testing its properties before you came in.  And if it works, we can see if hybridization with Kryptonian DNA can be tolerated by humans.  And that could change everything, Alex… imagine a world without fear, where we can live peacefully with aliens, and then Kara can come home…”

She could picture Kara’s return:  the grateful, happy tears in her eyes, the halting thanks, being swept up in her arms…

“You… miss her, Lena,” Alex’s voice interrupted her reverie, “I suspect even more than I do.  But… I think she needs a fresh start, to heal from all of this, and… we should try to give her that, ok?  I know it’s hard to let her go, but…”

Lena felt her emotions come roaring back, like a swimmer racing up to the surface for air.

“No,” she crossed her arms defiantly.  “She deserves to be welcome in her own home.  For people to see the good in her…”

“I agree with you,” Alex said carefully.  “I want that for her too.  But… trying to genetically re-engineer the entire human race to get her back is… it’s extreme, Lena.  Can you see that?”

Lena instantly felt defensive, her body tensing like she was getting ready to fight.

“No.  Because this isn’t just about her.  This is about the future we want to live in… about whether we choose coexistence or hatred… about our principles as a society…”

“Yes, it is,” Alex said.  “But even though you're right, even though you're fighting the good fight… you can’t be like Ella.  You have to show some restraint.  Everybody talks about changing the world, but you have the power to actually do it.  And right now, you’re playing god with what makes humans human.  And you could make a terrible situation much, much worse.”

“Or I could make it much much better,” Lena snapped.  This was really not the reaction she had been expecting, especially from a fellow scientist, from someone who had once actively helped her experiment with the Harun-El, and she was getting frustrated at having to defend herself at every turn.  “We won’t know until we try.”

Alex looked at her in disbelief.

“The world isn't your laboratory, Lena,” she said incredulously.  “You can’t just leave it to chance that no one gets hurt.  I have agents out there whose job it is to contain the violence, and being overrun by people with superpowers could materially increase the dangers they face on the ground…”

“Not if they have superpowers too,” Lena argued, exasperated that Alex lacked the imagination to see how this would play out.  “If everybody gets the serum at once, those powers will cease to be ‘super.’  So nothing will change between humans, just between humans and…”

The doorbell chimed and Lena tried to ignore it.

“...and other species, because…”

Ding!

“...because it will close those gaps, but between humans…”

Ding!

“...between humans, there will be…”

Ding!

Furious, she turned and stalked over to the door and opened it.

“What the fuck do you want?” 

Her assistant shrank back, holding out a phone.

“Ms. Luthor,” she said, her voice trembling.  “I’m so sorry to interrupt.  But there’s a Dr. Sarah Hopkins on the line.  She’s a hematologist at University Hospital in Colorado Springs and she said she needs to speak with you about your brother…”

Chapter Text

The hospital was clean and new, with a glass and sandstone façade, surrounded by green lawns despite the arid mountain climate.  

Lena was escorted down a long, bright corridor to Lex’s room, which was in a secure wing, away from other patients and guarded by several corrections officers.  

The doctor had been brief over the phone:  a few days ago, Lex had presented to the medical ward at his supermax prison with nausea and diarrhea, and had been diagnosed with gastroenteritis.  With antibiotics, he had seemed to improve, but then he had complained of weakness and had lost consciousness.  He had been transferred to the closest hospital and undergone a battery of tests, which revealed that his white blood cell and platelet counts were abnormally low.  Then he had regained consciousness and told the doctors that he suspected he had been poisoned by the Kaznians.  That had led to the discovery of Polonium-210 in his bloodstream.  But the diagnosis had been too late; chelation hadn't been successful in clearing the metal from his system, and his organs were beginning to fail.

Or so they said.  Lena’s first instinct had been that Lex was trying to trick her:  a call from a doctor could be faked, as could the medical records he had made available for her to review.  And she had to assume he still had an active organization out there.  Her lawyers had found that Eve had moved hundreds of millions from various L-Corp subsidiaries to offshore accounts, which was the evidence that had been used to put Eve away for embezzlement.  But the trail had ended there, and Lena had just tried to move on, despite knowing that Lex and his team were likely still plotting something.

She had considered hanging up, especially as she didn't want to tear herself away from her research.  But her security team had assured her that Dr. Hopkins was real, and Lena had realized that she wanted some closure, and that seeing Lex in his last moments might finally allow her to turn the page on this chapter of her life.  

And so after squaring things away with Alex - the shock of the news had broken the tension between them, and Lena had thanked her for her perspective and said she'd be in touch - she had taken a helicopter to her plane and had been in the air within a half-hour.  En route, she had called Sam to tell her what was going on and to warn her about the risk to L-Corp’s offshore assets.  And now here she was, two hours later, at a hospital in Colorado Springs, about to see her brother for the first time in six years.

She reached the room, and a policeman opened the door for her and she peeked inside.

Lex was lying on the bed, his eyes closed, his wrists in shackles, hooked up to various monitors.  He had never been a large man, but now he reminded Lena of a dying bird, skeletal and gaunt, his skin jaundiced in the fluorescent light.  There was a breathing tube in his nose; he probably had bone marrow failure, she surmised, and couldn't get enough oxygen on his own.

Lena knew what radiation could do, but it was still shocking to witness the state he was in, and the room had a slight bacterial smell underneath the disinfectant, as though his organs were starting to rot inside him.

He was definitely dying. 

That was that, then, Lena thought.  She could hardly believe it.

But before she could leave, Lex’s eyes flickered open.

“Lena.  You came.”

Lena cringed at hearing his voice.  She had hoped she could get away before he noticed she was there.  

But since he had, she supposed she should say goodbye.

“Hi Lex,” she said neutrally, shutting the door behind her but staying with her back pressed against it, not wanting to get any closer.  “It’s been a long time.”

“Yes,” he said sadly.  “You never called, you never wrote… it’s like I did something to offend you...”

She squinted at him, trying to remember if complications of radiation poisoning included amnesia.

Then he grinned, his lips pulling away from his teeth.

“Lighten up, sis.  Can’t a dying man have a little fun?”

He laughed but then something got caught in his throat and he started coughing, his chest convulsing, the tubes attached to his face pulling on his nostrils, the hacking, gasping breaths making Lena want to cover her ears.

It was awful.  She had held Jack as he died, but as traumatic as that had been, his death had been almost instantaneous, whereas Lex’s would probably be drawn out and painful and interspersed with moments of sheer panic when he felt like he was suffocating.  

She wouldn’t wish such a difficult death on anyone, not even a convicted murderer.

There was a whirring sound as Lex moved the bed into a sitting position and picked up a flimsy plastic cup of water from the table next to him and drank.  Finally he settled back down against the pillows.

“Thank you for coming to see me,” he said, fixing her with his beady eyes.  “Before I die, I wanted to let you know how much I love and respect you.  And I am sorry for the pain I’ve caused you and everybody else.”

Sorry?   

Lena could not have been more surprised if he had spontaneously sprouted another head.

He couldn't possibly be sincere.  The last time she had seen him, he had been grandstanding about saving humanity from an extinction event, right before he had murdered his judge and jury.  

“That’s… unexpected,” she said, crossing her arms.

He didn't seem fazed.

“I know you don’t believe me, Lena,” he said.  “But… prison changes a man.”

Lena rolled her eyes.

“Changed you so much, you sent Eve to spy on me?  And tried to brainwash a Kryptonian into starting a war with the United States?”

Lex blinked a few times.

“So you know about Snowbird…” he said slowly, the corner of his mouth turning up, almost looking proud that Lena had found that out.  Then he shrugged.  “I went to Kaznia to free her, sister.  Why else would I have brought her to America?  I wanted her to escape.  The Kaznians were going to turn her into a killing machine.  But I built up trust with them, and as soon as I could get her out, I did...”

He coughed again, and Lena looked away, trying to decide if he was lying.

It had always bothered her that Lex had taken the risk of bringing Ella to America; he must have known there was a good chance Ella's mind would be opened to the world and that she would defect.  And that niggling inconsistency gave his story a sliver of credibility. 

But on the other hand, he could have just been overconfident that Ella would never leave him, which seemed far more likely, given his spectacular hubris. 

She needed more information.

“Right,” she said, arching an eyebrow.  “And Eve?” 

Lex took another labored breath.  

“She got eight years because I asked her to look after you.”

Lena almost laughed.

“If that’s what you call stealing hundreds of millions of dollars from L-Corp.”

Lex smiled patiently, like a teacher trying to get through to a dimwitted child.

“That was my money, Lena.  It was being held by L-Corp in escrow but the accountants probably messed up the records.  I asked Eve to transfer the funds and make anonymous donations to the families of the victims I killed.  I can give you the account numbers if you want to investigate.  It was all above board.”

Lena recrossed her arms.  That was an empty offer; she knew conducting a funds tracing exercise would be difficult, if not impossible, in the time he had remaining.

At the same time, she also knew that L-Corp’s books from Lex’s time as CEO had been a mess.  She’d had to bring Sam in to overhaul every aspect of the company’s finances because there had been so many irregularities.  They were lucky they hadn't been sanctioned by the SEC.  So it was entirely possible that Lex had co-mingled his personal assets with L-Corp’s and treated it like a private bank.

But regardless, that money hadn't been Eve's to move.

“If it was ‘all above board,’” Lena said, still skeptical, “then why did she plead guilty?”

Lex smiled wider.

“Ok, technically she didn’t have the authority to touch those funds,” he admitted, his teeth incongruously white against his sallow skin.  “But she was looking at thirty years.  She would never have won at trial.  This way, though… she does her time at a country club in Connecticut and has a big fat bank account waiting for her when she gets out, and she’s still young enough to enjoy the rest of her life.”

That… made sense?  But would Eve really have been willing to throw away eight years of her life to become rich?  

Maybe she would have.  Money made people do stupid things.

Lena looked down.  She was unsure about where this conversation was leading.  Even as a child, talking with Lex had sometimes been like a game of cat and mouse, where she had to think on multiple levels if she didn’t want to end up humiliated.

What was his agenda now?

He was obviously trying to convince her that the remorse he had failed to demonstrate at his trial - or really, anytime in his life, ever - had suddenly taken root in his soul.

And she still didn't buy it.  Not for a millisecond.

“Then why didn’t she just tell me what she was doing?” she asked, trying to catch him in his lies.   

Lex’s chains clinked against the bed rails as he struggled to pull himself up and sit up straight.  

“Because you would have called the dogs on her,” he said.  “But I wanted someone to watch over you.  I was worried about you, Lena.  You were doing all those interviews about being a force for good, and I knew the same thing would happen to you that happened to me once I took over for Father.  Your pride is on the line, and you want to prove yourself and take some big swings, and the people around you become enablers… ‘Of course, Mr. Luthor!'  ‘Right away, Mr. Luthor!’  No one says ‘no’ to you anymore, because they're intoxicated by being so close to power.  And you start to believe you're a genius, and that you’re right about everything… and it twists every good thing you’ve ever wanted to do into something terrible…”

Lena bristled.  It was incredible how Lex always found a way to make others liable for his actions.

“You can’t blame your lackeys, Lex,” she said, giving him a withering look.  “No one told you to turn the sun red or to murder your jury.”

“No, they didn’t,” Lex said gravely.  “It was wrong, and I am responsible.  It took me a long time to see that I had become a zealot and a murderer.  And that’s all people will remember about me now…”  His voice caught, his eyes suddenly haunted.  “But, Lena… please believe I only wanted to protect humanity.  Because I thought it was inevitable that someone would attack us, and that we could be annihilated.  And unfortunately, I was proven right.  But I’m so proud of you, sister.  If not for you, the Daxamites would have enslaved us all.  You kept us safe.  And that’s all I ever wanted for us…”

Safe.

Lena suddenly remembered a mad dash across a lawn and a scramble up to a treehouse.

“When I grow up, I'm going to have all the money in the world, and I'm going to build a house, and I’m going to keep us safe forever…”

“Isn’t it our curse, as Luthors,” Lex said quietly, “to be misunderstood?  To see the future and want to help others avoid a terrible fate?  Your nth metal, my Lexosuit… your atmospheric lead, my red sun... we are the same, Lena.  But I was too early… the right man for the wrong time… a Cassandra…”

He trailed off and closed his eyes, exhaustion overtaking him, and Lena felt sick to her stomach.  

She hated the idea that she and Lex were anything alike.  After his plans had become clear and he had kicked her out of L-Corp, she had decided that he must have been born evil.  It was the only way she could come to terms with his madness and his cruelty.

But she could admit that they both shared an obsession with safety, one that sprang from their shared past, a past she had tried so hard to leave behind.  But like a boat against the current, it felt impossible to escape its pull.  And deep down, she knew that Lex’s adolescence had been far more toxic and difficult than hers.

There had been the dinners where Lionel had gotten drunk and he and Lex had yelled at each other across the table, the hostility so palpable that she would stare at her plate, trying to eat as silently as possible.  There were the angry voices and sounds of breaking glass that had made her flinch whenever she had tiptoed past Lionel's office.  And more than once, Lex had almost knocked her over in the upstairs hallway, holding his cheek, his eyes wet, as he had rushed to his room.

He had grown more sadistic over the years, berating the staff and devising elaborate schemes to torture insects and other animals he captured on the grounds.  She had known something was off, but as she had been a child, she had looked to others for cues on how to react, and her parents and the staff had carried on like nothing was amiss, that “Lex’s experiments” were just another of his eccentricities.  She had taken to staying in her room whenever he got a certain glint in his eye and gone outside to the shed to get his tools.

With her, though, he had mostly been kind and protective, making her feel like it was the two of them against an uncaring world.  But he could also be merciless, twisting her words and poking at her insecurities until she had learned to hide her emotions and could pretend she didn't care what he thought.  Yet she hadn't been able to tear herself away; even as he had grown more and more paranoid, she had still been drawn to his cleverness and charisma, and their dynamic, however destructive, was familiar and in a way, comfortable.  She had only really broken with him after the magnitude of his crimes had forced her to accept that he couldn't be redeemed. 

But now she wondered if perhaps somewhere inside this monster was the brother she had once adored:  the lanky teenager who had secretly taken her for ice cream even after Lillian had forbidden it, who had played chess with her in the library on rainy days, who had bought her her first chemistry set. 

And seeing him now, on the brink of death, a wave of sadness almost knocked her off her feet.

She needed to get out of here.

“Goodbye Lex,” she said softly.  “Be at peace.”

Lex’s eyes flew open.

“No…” he wheezed.  He reached out his hand.  “Please, Lena… don’t go… I don't want to die in here… I want to go home…”

Chapter Text

Home for Lex, of course, was Luthor Mansion.

Lillian and Lionel had wanted a grand country house, and they had held court at a 60-room neo-Georgian palace with paintings and antiques and terraces and extensive grounds on the outskirts of Metropolis.  Like a museum, the house demanded a level of formality from its occupants, and Lena had hated it as a child:  no running through the halls, no sofa forts, no crumbs or spills, ever.  She hadn’t set foot in it since Lionel’s death.

She watched as a helicopter descended on the front lawn and a medical team shifted Lex onto a gurney and rolled him through the front door.  

She followed them inside, her eyes adjusting to the darkness.  There were dust covers on most of the furniture, and the Persian carpets muffled their footsteps as the team wheeled Lex down to the library, past a few of the security guards she had hired to ensure he wouldn’t escape.  He was so frail he could hardly lift his head, but she was nevertheless taking every precaution.

It was Friday morning, and Dr. Hopkins had told her that he would die by the middle of next week, and had advocated for compassionate release.  And Lena had agreed; despite everything Lex had done, he was still her brother.

The library, unlike the rest of the house, was airy and bright:  it was an octagonal room in the center of the house that had floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, ornate reading desks and leather armchairs, and French doors that opened onto the back portico.  It was the best room to set up Lex’s hospital bed, as it got a lot of light and he could be wheeled outside from time to time.

The team got Lex situated in the middle of the room and set up his oxygen and saline and devices.  Then they left, except one nurse; Lena had also arranged for twenty-four hour care. 

“Thank you,” Lex said weakly, “I always loved this room…”

“Me too,” Lena said.  She had spent many an hour in here as a child, reading and playing chess.  “Do you need anything?”

Lex closed his eyes and folded his hands over his stomach.

“Will you read to me, sister?  The Ballad of Reading Gaol?”

“Sure,” Lena said, a little surprised.  She hadn’t thought about Oscar Wilde in years, as her interests tended more towards non-fiction.  But her memory was jogged now, of Lex arriving at the dinner table in a black silk cape and top hat, demanding to be called “Sebastian Melmoth,” much to their parents’ annoyance.

In retrospect, Lex’s teenage obsession with the author had been flamboyant and pretentious, but at the time, Lena had been so taken with her new brother that anything he was interested in had seemed impossibly sophisticated.  She had tried several times to read the Collected Works but hadn’t understood their appeal.  Obviously, though, something about them must have spoken strongly to Lex.  

She went over to the poetry section and found a slim, leather-bound volume on the shelf, pulled up an armchair, and began to read.

“He did not wear his scarlet coat, 
For blood and wine are red,
And blood and wine were on his hands
When they found him with the dead,
The poor dead woman whom he loved,
And murdered in her bed…”

She arched an eyebrow at the style - still too overwrought for her tastes - and looked over at Lex, who had a beatific smile on his face, looking as tranquil as a sleeping baby.

—--

[Sam Arias, 11:01am]  How are you?  

[Lena Luthor, 11:01am]  Ok.  Waiting for him to die, I guess

[Sam Arias, 11:01am]  Ugh.  Do you want me to come up there?  Ruby has a soccer game tomorrow morning but I could drive up after

Sam was the best.  But there was no point in her making the trip when they would basically just sit in silence beside Lex until he passed.

[Lena Luthor, 11:02am]  Thank you.  I appreciate the offer.  But it won’t be long, and I’ll plan to stop in Metropolis before I head back 

[Sam Arias, 11:02am]  Why don’t you stay with me instead of getting a hotel?  And call me anytime, Lena.  I mean it

[Lena Luthor, 11:02am]  I will.  Thanks Sam

—--

Lena spent the afternoon curled up on a window seat trying to get into her book, while Lex drifted in and out of consciousness a few feet away.

But she was awash in memories, as though the house had absorbed her childhood and was now leaching it back into the air she breathed.

“Father loved you more, didn’t he?” Lex’s voice cut through her thoughts.  “You were the apple of his eye…”

Lena looked up.

“Yes, I was,” she said simply.  They had never spoken about it before, but she had clearly been Lionel’s favorite.  Even in the throes of his alcoholism, he had doted on her, and until she had found out about her parentage, she had thought of him as a good man brought low by his demons.  “He was much… harder on you.”

“That's because he wasn’t grooming you to take over LuthorCorp.  But he should have.  You’re a much better CEO than I ever was.”

“Maybe because I wasn’t obsessed with Superman,” Lena said, unable to resist the cheap shot.

Lex opened his eyes.

“Oh, like you're not obsessed with Supergirl,” he grumbled.  “I was trying to pay you a compliment, dear sister.  Which is that you're very good at what you do.  I got the newspaper, even in solitary.  You tripled LuthorCorp's revenues and earnings and the markets are eating out of the palm of your hand.  You're a once-in-a-generation CEO.  Visionary.  Driven.  The perfect executive…”

Lena narrowed her eyes, instantly suspicious.  Lex only flattered her when he wanted something.

But he looked around at all the books and said wistfully, “I hated everything about running a company.  I wanted to write plays, maybe act a little…”

Lena set down her book.  The idea that in some alternate universe, Lex might not have been a mass murderer but a celebrated playwright, was too bizarre to contemplate. 

“I didn't know that, Lex,” she said, curiously.  “Why didn't you?”

He gave her a half-smile.

“Oh, Mother forbade it.  Said it would be an embarrassment for the family.  She didn't want a soft, sentimental boy…”

He let out a laugh, the sound like wood scraping against brick, and abruptly started coughing.  The nurse rushed over and gave him oxygen as he gasped for air, before taking a few halting breaths.

“Did I ever tell you about my dog, Ignatius?” he said weakly, leaning back against his pillows again.  “Before you joined our family, he was my closest companion…”

—-

Lena spent a restless night in her bedroom in the east wing, which hadn't been touched since she had moved out for good after MIT.  Lex’s was also exactly as he’d left it; Lillian had seemed to want to keep everything as it was, frozen in time.  And after she had been arrested, Lena hadn’t wanted to deal with a sale in the midst of a media circus, so had installed a property manager and then put the house out of her mind.

The sun was coming up as she stirred awake, and she put on a robe and went over to her window to look out at the manicured lawns - the big oak and treehouse in the distance, the mist rising from the pond - a view she had both loved and hated as a child who had often felt trapped in her room.

She really should get rid of the place, she thought.  It made no sense to pay for the upkeep or landscaping when she didn’t plan to spend time here ever again.  But who would want to raise a family in such a cursed house?

She showered and threw on jeans and a top, and went downstairs to check in with the night nurse, who was just coming off her shift.  Lex was sleeping and relatively stable, so Lena went to the dining room to eat breakfast, sitting in Lionel’s old spot at the end of a long mahogany table that could seat twenty.

She was about to take a bite of yoghurt when she got a text from Anne-Marie:

[Anne-Marie Nielsen, 6:13am]  I am sad we are not together today

[Anne-Marie Nielsen, 6:13am]  I sense I am not a priority for you.  If that changes, I would welcome seeing you again

Lena felt a twinge of guilt.  This was the weekend she was supposed to be in London.  But she had been so wrapped up in her research that she hadn’t thought about Anne-Marie in weeks.  And she hadn't even called to cancel, having left her schedule to an assistant to rearrange.

She put down her spoon.

[Lena Luthor, 6:14am]  I’m sorry for the long silence.  I haven’t been in a good place.  Can I call you in a few days?  I need some time to sort myself out 

[Anne-Marie Nielsen, 6:14am]  Of course.  I am glad to hear from you, Lena.  Take all the time you need and I hope you feel better soon

The exchange felt mature, and kind.  But now Lena knew what had been bothering her about their relationship.

The life she could see with Anne-Marie - splitting their time between various properties around the world, attending an endless succession of concerts and galas, making the rounds on the philanthropic circuit, sending their children to some Swiss boarding school - somehow felt… wrong.  It was too public.  Too glamorous.  And too… familiar.

Lena pushed her plate away, her appetite gone, and decided to go walk the grounds.

As soon as she stepped outside, she felt better.  It was good to breathe some fresh air and get out of that oppressive house.  She made her way down the gravel path towards the pond, where she sat down on a bench and watched a pair of swans glide majestically across the water. 

Being in her childhood home and listening to Lex reminisce was forcing her to reconsider the immense privilege they had enjoyed their entire lives.

Even if Lex had been thwarted in his dream to become an writer, he hadn't had any qualms about striding into the corner office after Lionel had died.  Like a crown prince, prepared from the womb to someday rule, he had been convinced of his own superiority, brilliance, and right to lead.  

And had the Luthors not been so absurdly wealthy, and LuthorCorp a technology conglomerate with every resource at his disposal, he wouldn't have had the means to make his increasingly grandiose fantasies a reality.

But then, was it any different for her?

When she had become CEO, she had laid out a new vision and strategy for L-Corp, one that she believed would change the company, but also the planet, for the better.  She had bet the farm on biotech, on security, on next-gen materials, and anyone who hadn’t gotten on board with the changes - mostly Lex’s loyalists, whose fiefdoms she had dismantled - had left or been pushed out.  She had replaced them with people like Sam and had never looked back.  

Just as Lex had fired her.  And Ella had, in a way, as well.

It was ironic, because Ella had once told her that she lived in a bubble.  But perhaps all powerful people, Ella included, ended up in echo chambers as they ascended, casting aside anyone who got in their way, who tried to contain them.

Lena winced and pulled out her phone.

[Lena Luthor, 6:29am]  Hey

[Lena Luthor, 6:29am]  Are you humoring me about the Harun-El?

[Sam Arias, 6:29am]  …

[Sam Arias, 6:29am]  …

The phone rang.

“I'm not awake enough for this conversation,” Sam said dryly.  “At least let me make myself some coffee."

Despite everything, Lena smiled.  

“I'm sorry, I know it’s early… we can talk later.”

Sam yawned.  “No, it’s ok.  What’s up?”

Lena took a deep breath.  

“So… I've been thinking about how alike Lex and I are, and… Sam, am I wrong about wanting to give humans powers?”

Is this my red sun? was the real question.  Am I as megalomaniacal as he was?  

“You’re nothing like Lex,” Sam replied flatly, “not in the ways that matter.  He murdered people in cold blood, Lena, and he tried to kill you... don't you forget that.  But that said… you already know what I think about your research.  And I hope you’ll stop.”

Lena made a face.  She had heard Sam’s arguments before - that she was playing with fire, that people would be hurt - but she hadn’t really been listening; she had mostly just wanted to win the debate so she could get back to work.  

But now that she was actually internalizing them, she was still torn.  

She had no doubt that people would line up in droves to buy the serum if she got it to market, because rightly or wrongly, the fear of being outcompeted and subjugated by more powerful beings was now widespread.  Sam was probably right that a few extremists might use their newfound powers to go after aliens.  But Lena believed that they were a tiny minority, and that the vast majority of people were peace-loving but terrified.  And withholding the Harun-El from them felt like she was sitting on a cure for cancer.

“Ok, I just…” she traced a line in the gravel in front of her with her toe, not wanting to concede, “I think it can help us out of this mess.  I really do.”

“I know you do,” Sam’s voice was understanding.  “And it’s something I admire about you, Lena:  you get caught up in the science, and the challenge, and the possibilities.  But… you can also be blind to the risks.  And this feels to me like the transmatter portal all over again.”

Lena flushed, remembering how her heart had stopped when the first Daxamite ships had materialized in the sky, when she realized she had inadvertently enabled an extraterrestrial invasion.

But her takeaway from that disaster had been that she was too easily manipulated, not that she should stop taking risks and pushing forward with her research.

“Ok,” she admitted, “I do get caught up.  But I don’t think I'm alone.  Every inventor, every entrepreneur has to believe a thousand percent in what they’re doing, or it's too easy to give up.  And anyway, I think we should let the market decide.  There’s a clear need out there…”

Sam sighed into the phone.

“Lena, we’ve let ‘the market’ decide that allowing bullying and disinformation and extremist content on social media to get more clicks is totally fine, even though it’s tearing our country apart.  And don’t get me started on e-commerce and overproduction and same-day shipping and how easy we've made it to thoughtlessly destroy the environment.  We can't let ‘the market’ decide this and shirk our responsibilities, like the execs of those companies.  I honestly don’t know how they sleep at night.”

Lena sat back against the bench.  She knew how:  they didn't believe they were responsible.

Like L-Corp, their companies had bold, positive missions, like helping people connect around the world, or enabling them to get exactly what they wanted, as conveniently and affordably as possible.  And they had only become empires because people couldn't get enough of what they had to offer.  

The reality was, if people cared about the consequences, they should vote with their feet.  Instead, they chose to buy fast fashion and scroll through social media and get stuff shipped directly to their doors.  And that let companies off the hook.  Even if their products and services were exquisitely designed to be addictive, or unleashed humanity’s worst impulses, or caused massive social and environmental problems as billions of people upgraded their lifestyles, the law was on their side:  it held sacred the right of the individual to, for the most part, do what they wished, and therefore shielded companies from liability unless they had been criminally negligent.

Yet how could it be otherwise?  It wouldn't be fair to blame companies for outcomes they couldn’t reasonably foresee, or for damages caused by people who used their products; in the wrong hands, anything could become a weapon.  

But the problem was, Lena was realizing, that even when the harms became glaringly apparent, the law could not keep up.  The machinery of government was deliberative and slow, unable to adapt to the accelerating pace of change, and prone to regulatory capture.  It meant that large companies were pretty much given carte blanche to operate on their own terms, their power dwarfing that of most countries, even minor decisions amplified by their tremendous reach.  

She had always been comfortable exercising this power, perhaps because the dominance of enormous corporations had become unremarkable, the way people hundreds of years ago didn't question the divine right of kings.  But also, she had truly believed that business could change the world for the better, truly believed that she - and by extension her company - were a force for good.

But then again, so had Lex, and all those other execs.  So where did that leave her?

“I… I need to think about this some more,” she said, shaken.

“Of course,” Sam said, then paused and added softly, “Lena… I'm really glad you’re asking these questions.  And I know you’ll do the right thing… you always do.”

Lena hoped that was true.  She was feeling the weight of her position for the first time, like a mountain climber who had looked down a crevasse and suddenly realized just how far off the ground she was, how far she had to fall.

They said their goodbyes and hung up and Lena looked back at the pond, watching the swans take flight, their powerful wings beating against the air until they flew up and away.

She was lost in contemplation when she heard footsteps on the gravel and glanced up.  It was one of the guards.  

“Ms. Luthor?  Your brother is awake and wanted to speak with you.”

She nodded and walked back with him to the house and into the library, where Lex was propped up in bed, staring at a leather case that was sitting open on his lap with a dozen watches inside.

“Good morning, sister,” he said, lifting his head.  His skin was almost translucent in the light, the bluish veins on his forehead like a faded map of a river delta, like he was already passing over into some ghostly realm.

“Good morning, Lex,” she said, taking a seat by his bed, wondering how much time he had left.  “How did you sleep?”

“Fine,” he said pleasantly.  “I dreamt we were skiing in Chamonix during winter vacation.  Do you remember how Father used to give us watches at Christmas?”  Then his voice turned bitter.  “As though that could make up for the rest of the year…”

He picked up the leftmost watch and slid it on.  It looked enormous on his stick-thin wrist, and he turned it so Lena could see its elegant face.

“I had the nurse get mine from my room, so I could be reminded how much he loved me…”

He picked up another one that had a thick case and multiple dials.  “This one has thirty-two complications… the only one of its kind… one of the rarest watches in the world.”  He laughed scornfully.  “Do you see the inscription on the back?”

He flipped it over and held it out and she leaned in to read it, trying to make out the delicate script engraved in the platinum.

Then she felt a prick in her neck and a flash of light and the world went dark.

Chapter Text

“Hello, sister.”

Lena’s head was throbbing as she came to, her mouth dry and acrid, like she had swallowed sand. 

She squinted, blinded by the overhead light.  The outline of her brother swam into focus, his head looking ridiculously small in his oversized Lexosuit, his face looming over hers.   

Fuck. 

She tried to look past him into the vast room, where she could make out a fully kitted lab with microscopes and fume hoods and other equipment, as well as a command center with an entire wall of screens.  The air was cold and damp and musty, like they were in a cave.

It must be Mount Norquay.

But... she had shut down all of Lex's secret bunkers after she had taken over LuthorCorp.  He must have reopened it without her knowledge.  How?  Who had helped him?

She tried to swivel around to see if anyone else was in the room, but her arms and legs were tightly bound to her chair with zip ties.

“Sorry about the restraints,” Lex said as he took a step back and smiled.  He was pale, but his eyes were sharp and he was obviously not at all as weak as he had seemed at the house.  “Hope you don’t get an itch.”

He produced a bottle of water and uncapped it and brought it to her lips.

Despite her thirst, she didn’t drink, fearing the water was drugged, and he laughed and pulled the bottle away.

“Don’t worry, it’s clean,” he said, taking a swig and holding it back out.  “I want you at your best, sister.  I need you to do something for me.”

She still kept her lips pressed together and he shrugged and drank the rest, and threw the bottle away.

“You always were stubborn,” he said, shaking his head affectionately.  Then his lips curled up into a smirk.  “And naïve.  Didn't you think to sweep the house for alien devices?  Like, say... a transmatter portal watch?  Sloppy, Lena.  Very sloppy.  You probably didn't even know I had one, did you?”

She hadn’t, and it had been a huge mistake.  

“What do you want, Lex?” she snapped, angry at herself for having been so gullible.  “Are you even dying?”

She wondered if he had been crazy enough to poison himself to break out of prison.

But Lex’s expression hardened.

“Fucking Kaznians.  They tried to get revenge because I ruined their invasion plans.  Pathetic.”  He scowled.  “No matter.  I’ll wipe their sorry excuse of a country off the face of the earth... after you cure me, of course.”  

She looked at him, incredulous, and he looked back at her like she was a stupid cow.  

“Black kryptonite,” he said, impatiently.  “The Harun El.  You have it, and I need it.”

Lena’s stomach sank as everything became clear.

Eve must have told him about her experiments, and he rightly believed that the Harun-El might be able to heal him.  

But suddenly the question of giving superpowers to a dangerous, violent man was no longer theoretical, and Lena was appalled she had even considered it.

She needed to think, and quickly.

Unless Lex’s spies had been able to hack into her personal data center, he wouldn’t know how much progress she had made in the past few weeks.  Maybe she could convince him that her efforts had been fruitless.

“Unfortunately, I never got it to work,” she said, hoping she sounded disappointed, her pride hurt.  “Didn’t Eve tell you?  Three people died in the trial, in agony, I might add, so I don’t..."

He cut her off, his lips twitching.

“You’ll just have to try again, won't you?”

“It’s impossible,” she said crisply.  “There was no way to slow down the energy transfer.  I wish I could help you, Lex, but there's nothing I can do.”

Lex sized her up, his sunken eyes and white teeth reminding Lena of a skull.  

“Well, that’s a pity.  Because then you’re of no use to me.  Or..." he narrowed his eyes, “could it be that you're lying to me, dear sister?”

The way he said it sent a chill down Lena’s spine.

She watched as he walked over to a bench, the Lexosuit whirring with each step, and picked up a scalpel, which gleamed in the low light.

Lena went cold. 

“Medieval executioners were masters of their trade,” he said, with the superior tone of a professor who had given a lecture many times before.  “Boiling in oil, pressing, drawing and quartering... they had all sorts of ways to make criminals suffer..."

He pressed the point of the blade with his fingertip, testing its sharpness, and Lena could not rip her eyes away.

“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be flayed alive?” he mused.  “No?  I always thought it would be the worst way to go, in terms of pain.  And it's messy, too.  But, there’s a drain in that corner and I can hose everything down afterwards.”

His eyes were glinting as he walked back towards her, brandishing the scalpel.

“You’re sick, Lex,” Lena said defiantly, trying to keep her voice from wavering.  But she knew that look, and it terrified her.

“Maybe I am.”  He came right up to her face, so close she could smell the sourness of his breath.  “But what’s worse?  Being sick, or..." he pressed the blade into her cheek, indenting the skin but not drawing blood, “being a cunt who won’t help her own brother?”

Fear reared inside Lena like a frightened horse, and she twisted away, her body straining against her bonds as the scalpel traced closer and closer to her eye...

“Stop!” she cried out, her breaths shallow and rapid as adrenaline coursed through her.  “Lex, don’t..."

He pulled back, and she almost fainted with relief. 

“Aww, did I scare you?” he taunted, his lip jutting out in a parody of sympathy.  “Did I scare my wittle baby sister?  With my itty bitty knife?”  He suddenly bared his teeth.  “Then decide, Lena.  Your choice.  Cure me, or die slowly.”

Lena felt like throwing up.  

She had no leverage here.  All she could do was try to buy herself some time, to live another day and find some way out of this nightmare.

“Fine.  I’ll do it,” she said, hating herself for capitulating.

Lex cupped his other hand to his ear.

“What was that?” he said, grinning.  “I didn’t quite hear what you said..."

“I said, I’ll do it!” she shouted, her fear and despair boiling over.  

Lex’s grin got wider.

“Excellent, sister.  I knew you could be persuaded.  Now let’s see..." he checked the watch on his wrist, “I probably have seventy-two hours before my organs fail, so let’s give you... forty-eight.”

Lena blinked.  That actually was impossible.

“But it takes a day just to synthesize the Harun-El,” she protested.  “And I need my notes... they’re on my tablet..."

“So you can hack a satellite and call for help?  I don’t think so,” he sneered.  “You’re supposed to be a genius, dear sister.  I'm sure you’ll be able to remember what to do.”

He stalked over to one of the refrigerators and threw it open.  Inside were stacks of cell culture dishes and rows of glass jars with hearts and lungs and livers suspended in fluid.  

“Here’s a bunch of fresh body parts for you to test on.  Incredible what you can get on the dark web these days.  And that...” he pointed to a large cage over in the corner, “is made of nth metal, and wrapped in a force field.  When you’re ready, you're going in there and you're going to inject yourself first with whatever you’re giving me.  So don’t get any clever ideas.  And if you aren't done in forty-eight hours..."

He held up the scalpel again, and Lena looked away, feeling utterly defeated.  He had thought of everything.  If she succeeded, she would be contained.  If she didn’t, she would be dead.  And if she refused, he would torture her to death. 

It was checkmate.

Lex cut the zip ties and patted her on the head.  

“There!  Have fun!”

She sat there, staring into space, her limbs as heavy as stone, her mind blank.

“What are you waiting for?” he barked in her ear, making her jump.  “Get going!”

She somehow stood up and walked around the lab, systematically taking inventory of the equipment, retreating into the familiar patterns of work, trying to disassociate from the horror of her situation.

On autopilot, she found a notebook and started to write out a protocol.

Step 1:  Synthesize the Harun-El...

---

Twenty-four hours later, after pulling an all-nighter, she had done it.  She had managed to synthesize a slow-acting version of the Harun-El.

Under any other circumstance, she would have been proud of herself for achieving such a breakthrough, but now she only felt dread in the pit of her stomach.  She still couldn't see a way out.  What was she supposed to do now?  Keep going?  Try to stall?  

She had no idea.  She was exhausted and her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton, her brain slow and useless, unable to find a way through this mess.

In the absence of a plan, she sat down at one of the benches to determine how much serum would be safe for her weight, writing out the calculations in a neat script in her notebook.

She was deep in the math when Lex sat down beside her.  

“One thing I’ve never understood, dear sister,” he said, leaning back in his chair, putting his feet up on the bench, “is why you threw your lot in with the aliens.  Do you hate humanity?”

Lena ignored the distraction and continued to work.  

Something light hit her on the side of her head and clattered on the floor next to her.  

It was an eppendorf tube.  She glanced at it but kept writing.

Then a second one hit her neck.  

“Do you want me to succeed or not?” she asked evenly, not looking up.  The dose calculation was actually an interesting problem; the pharmacokinetics of the serum weren't straightforward...

“Do you want me to succeed or not?” Lex mimicked in a grating falsetto.  

Suddenly he swung his feet down and slammed his fist on the desk, and Lena startled, her pen jumping on the page.  

“Pay attention to me!” he barked, standing up.

Lena flinched and set her pen down and slowly turned towards him, her body tensing from the rising threat of danger.

“Now that's better,” Lex said unctuously, like a waiter at a snobby restaurant.  “Here we are, finally getting to spend some quality time together, after missing all those birthdays and Thanksgivings and Christmases... and you don’t even want to talk to me?”

Lena decided it was best to play along and get this over with.  

“Ok, Lex,” she said, crossing her arms.  “What do you want to talk about?” 

“Why, about us, of course,” he said, amiably, leaning against the bench.  “What happened to us, Lena?  One moment we’re as thick as thieves, ensuring the survival of the human race... the next, you're stabbing me in the back.”  Suddenly his voice turned menacing.  “You left me to rot in there, after everything I did for you..."

She didn't react, staying as neutral and non-threatening as she could as he started pacing back and forth.

“I had years in solitary to contemplate how you could betray your own brother, your own blood.  And do you know what I realized?”  He looked at her expectantly, as though she should be grateful he was letting her in on a secret she had been too asinine to uncover herself.  “The reason you’re a conniving slut, Lena, is that your mother was a conniving slut.  It’s that simple.  Betrayal is in your genes.”

Lena felt her cheeks grow hot.  Why was it that men who insulted women always made it about sex, flattening all the complexities of personhood into something that fucked or was fucked?

“You never really were a Luthor to begin with, were you?  We took you in, a half-breed viper at our breast.  And now you’ve taken up with alien scum that want nothing more than to destroy us.  But you want that, don’t you?  You want to burn our proud civilization to the ground.  You want us purebred humans to become slaves.  You should have been loyal to your family, to your class, to your species, but... you just can’t help yourself, can you, sister?  You can't help opening your legs to those vermin, like a Vichy whore..."

His ranting was so preposterous, Lena rolled her eyes.  

“Whatever, Lex,” she said coolly, and reopened her notebook.

Then her cheek exploded with pain, her head whipping to the side.  The impact made her eyes water and she stifled a cry, not wanting him to know how much it had hurt.  

“No,” he spat, his hand raised to slap her again, “I think you meant, I’m sorry, Lex.  I’m an alien-loving whore.  I betrayed you.  I deserve to die.”  He stared at her with wild eyes, his nostrils flaring.  “Say it!”

The sharpness of the pain was disorienting, and Lena felt like she was floating, as though her soul had been knocked out of her body.  

But her lack of response set Lex off, and he bore down on her, the Lexosuit huge and hulking, the veins on his forehead popping out, and she froze.  He looked unhinged enough to kill her right there.

This is it, she thought as everything slowed down.  This is the end...

“Say it!” he screamed again in her face, his cheeks bright red, spittle flying from his mouth.  “On your knees, whore!  Do what I say, or you’ll regret the day you were born...”

Lena's insides turned to water.  

She bowed her head and knelt down, staring at the metallic legs of his suit, the concrete floor hard beneath her knees, her shirt sticking to her skin, her heart pounding in her ears.

“Fucking say it or I will end you,” he growled from above her.

Lena closed her eyes.  She wished she could defy him, but if she wanted to live, she had no choice.

“I’m... sorry, Lex,” she choked out, the words sticking in her throat.  “I’m... an alien-loving... whore.  I..." 

“Come now, sister, you can do better than that,” he said snidely.  “Louder.  And don’t be rude; look me in the eye while you grovel.”

Lena clenched her fists so tightly, her nails almost drew blood, but she opened her eyes and looked up at him.

He smirked, leering at her as she started again.

When she had finished, she turned her head away, not wanting to look at his smug face for a moment longer.

But Lex laughed.

“Brava,” he said.  “Let’s hear it again.  And this time, more emphasis on ‘whore.’”

The anger Lena felt at that moment was so incandescent, it felt like she might explode.  She wanted to leap up and strangle him, to claw that arrogant grin off his face.

But her instinct for self-preservation won out, and she swallowed down her pride and gave him what he wanted.

He made her say it a hundred more times, until her throat was parched and she felt hollow, like there was nothing of her left inside, like she was just an empty, brittle husk.

Finally, he seemed to get bored.

“Get up, you look ridiculous,” he yawned.  Then he checked his watch.  “Twenty-four hours left.  Chop chop!”

He sat back down in his chair and put his feet up, whistling to himself, as though he hadn’t spent the past twenty minutes abusing her.

Lena slowly rose from the floor and went over to one of the freezers to get an ice pack for her face. 

She cradled her cheek, tears pricking her eyes.  

How could she have ever believed they were anything alike?  

It wasn’t just his misogyny, but his cruelty, his sadism.  She felt dirty and used and violated, her voice no longer her own, just a puppet for him to jerk around on a string.   

She loathed him with every cell in her body.  And she wanted to make him pay.

But how?

Then an idea came to her - a risky, brilliant gambit - and her mind was suddenly whirling, like a million hummingbirds were darting around inside her head.  

It just might work.

She tried to calm herself as she walked back to her bench.  

There was no time to lose.

This would all end tomorrow, one way or another.  

And she was going to be ready.

Chapter Text

Lena triple-checked her calculations.  Everything seemed in order.

She was sitting at a fume hood, her skin clammy and her eyes blurry after nearly two days without sleep, a flask of the serum in front of her.  It was as black as oil, and there was enough for a little over two doses.

Lex had continued to rant while she had worked, going on and on about aliens and everything he despised about them, about his secret funding for right wing demagogues, about the new world order he would bring about.  It had been impossible to tune out, and so deranged she wasn’t sure how much was real and how much was a fantasy he had dreamt up in prison.

She also wondered if he knew that she might be the last audience he would ever have, and that this was how narcissists faced death:  with one final, terrible fire that consumed everything around it before it went out.

Only her hatred for him had carried her through, a thin, steel wire she had clung to as she crossed the abyss, imagining how happy she would be once he was dead…

She surreptitiously picked up a syringe and filled it, then glanced back at Lex, who was a few tables over and seemed to be preoccupied reading something on a computer.  

Quick as a flash, she pulled up her shirt and…

His fingers closed around her wrist.

“Ah ah,” he tutted, as though swatting a naughty cat.  “Into the cage with you!”

He bent her wrist back until she yelped in pain and dragged her over to the cage and shoved her inside, the nth metal locks thudding into place.  

“So here’s how this is going to work,” he said, handing her a scalpel through the bars.  “If you don’t die, you’re going to stab your hand so I can see if you bleed.  Got that?”

She nodded, just wanting to speed this farce along.

He smiled and clicked on the force field and set up a sun lamp that he pointed at her.

She set the scalpel down beside her, took a deep breath, and jabbed herself in the abdomen.

No need for sterile technique, she thought darkly when the needle pierced her skin, hoping death would be painless if she had in fact made an error.

As the serum absorbed into her tissue, she started to feel a dull ache in her belly, then a ferocious tingling, like a million spiders crawling through her veins.  She tensed as the sensation traveled throughout her body, her skin prickling, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up, her fingers and toes and face on fire, pressure building up behind her eyes. 

Then a buzz grew louder and louder in her ears until it felt like her brain was going to explode.  

But underneath the noise, she could hear the shushing of her blood as it squeezed through her valves.  And she could hear the sound of water dripping, and Lex’s heartbeat, and the whine of electricity flowing through the wires…

Holy shit.  It worked. 

She was suddenly ablaze with excitement.  Which other powers had she acquired?  What else could her body do now?

She looked at her hands, but her vision refused to stay on the surface, slipping past the dermis to the bones underneath.  She wiggled her fingers, fascinated by the movements of her joints.

X-ray vision…

She glanced around at the room, which now looked like a mess of wires and circuit boards and infrared auras, but strangely, she couldn't see past the walls; were they made of lead?

“Cut yourself,” Lex ordered, his voice blaring like a foghorn in her ears.

It was ghastly to see his skull and teeth, like a skeleton come to life, and with great effort, as though mentally drawing back a bowstring, she pulled up through his muscles and tendons and vasculature to the surface of his skin before her vision snapped back and she recoiled.

“I said, cut yourself!” Lex said impatiently.

She knew she didn’t have to obey him anymore, but her own curiosity led her to pick up the scalpel.

The handle squished around her fingers like butter.

Super strength… 

She stared at her fist in wonderment and ran the blade across the delicate-looking skin on the top of her hand, increasing the pressure until the blade snapped, tiny pieces going flying in every direction.

Invulnerability… 

It was hard not to feel triumphant.

Lex applauded, each slow clap like a thunderbolt.

“Congratulations, sister.  Seems you pulled a rabbit out of a hat.  I’m astonished.”

God, he was insufferable.

“You always underestimated me,” she said, drawing herself up to her full height, power coursing through her, and to her surprise, a beam shot out of her eyes and scattered against the force field. 

She stumbled back, and Lex laughed.

“Me?  Underestimate you?  Never.”  He went over to the fume hood and filled the other syringe.  “I was the one who recognized your genius.  I saw your potential, your beauty.  I pushed you to hone your talents.  I made you who you are.  You would be nothing without me, you ungrateful bitch.  You were supposed to be by my side, helping me rule the world…”

Lena felt her skin crawl.  There had always been a weird undertone to their relationship, far beyond the normal protectiveness of an older brother towards a younger sister.  He obviously thought of her as his creation, someone who owed him total obedience, whom he had groomed from childhood for… what, exactly?  To be some sort of ornamental sister-wife, gazing at him adoringly while he reigned on his throne?

“Really, Lex?  That's what this is about?” she said witheringly.  “Ruling the world?  What are you, twelve?”

Lex turned bright red.

“Oh, get off your high horse,” he said, scowling.  “You love power as much as I do.  You got me thrown into prison so you could steal LuthorCorp out from under me and push your pro-alien agenda on the world.”

“I did not,” she said firmly.  It was ridiculous how Lex interpreted everyone’s motives to be as predatory as his own.  “You would have killed millions with your red sun.  You had to be stopped.”

He grinned.

“Well then, you stopped me, sister.  You stopped me good.  So if you don't love power, why haven’t you given away your billions?  If you don't love power, why haven’t you stepped down from LuthorCorp?”  

His taunts stopped Lena in her tracks.  

Of course she had started out wanting to redeem the Luthor name, but she had also been surprised how much satisfaction, even pleasure, she got out of leading her company…

“I’ll tell you why,” Lex continued smugly, clearly enjoying having pushed her off-balance.  “It’s because you love calling the shots.  You love being the richest, most important person in the room.  You love saying what you want and having it done.”

“No I don't,” Lena said.  But it came out more uncertain than she wanted, because he wasn't entirely wrong.  She did love the excitement of watching L-Corp mobilize and execute her ideas, of launching innovations that could improve lives all over the world.  And she wasn't unaware of the effect her glamour had on others:  the hush that descended when she entered a room, the ease with which she moved through the world.

“Yes you do,” Lex retorted, walking back, syringe in hand.  “You love having an empire.  All elites do.  But you see, sister…” he said, his face turning gleeful, “you've all gotten too greedy, cutting costs to the bone in your quest for profits.  And before you lecture me about capital efficiency, I don’t give a shit.  What matters is that all those losers out there believe the ruling class is only looking out for themselves, and that’s left an opening for me.”  He cackled.  “You should have seen the letters I got in prison, sister.  People worship me.  They think I’m a victim, a martyr, persecuted by the state for speaking the truth about aliens.  They think institutions have been corrupted by self-interests.  And that only I can protect humanity from the immigrant scourge, since the elites won’t lift a finger to help them hang onto what little they have.  And as I rise, they will follow me, fight for me, die for me…”

Lena felt a cold wave go through her.

The notion that she, in her capacity as a CEO, bore any responsibility for making people feel so vulnerable and bitter that Lex could exploit their anger to seize power, was repugnant.

But she was reminded of the man with the rabid grin who had attacked her car.  He was exactly the type of person who might join Lex’s cult of personality and fight his battles for him.  It was utterly irrational:  how could anyone believe that Lex – a narcissist and a sociopath – actually cared about them?  And yet, she knew he had the charisma to win over a mob, reflecting their grievances back to them and promising them the world in exchange for their fealty...  

There was a scraping sound as Lex grabbed the sun lamp and pointed it at himself.

“Do you know the first thing a dictator does when he comes to power?” Lex said affably as he dematerialized his suit.  “He publicly humiliates and executes the elite of the ancien régime.  It shows that the emperor had no clothes, and everybody learns they have to fall in line.  Two for the price of one!”  Suddenly his voice turned to ice.  “You should have stuck with me, sister.  Because I’m going to make an example of you…”

He plunged the needle into his stomach and threw away the syringe.

The transformation began, black tendrils sweeping up his neck to his face.

Five.  Four.  Three.  Two.  One…

Suddenly, he clutched his chest, his cheeks turning purple, his eyes bulging out of their sockets.

He took a jerky step towards her cage but crashed into the sun lamp, which fell over and smashed into pieces.  

“You bitch!  What did you…” he rasped, grabbing the nearest table for support as he started throwing up all over himself, then losing his balance and collapsing on the floor.  

“Something wrong, Lex?” she asked archly, her voice dripping with mock concern.  Watching him filled her with a kind of dark pride, that her plan had worked perfectly, that she had outsmarted him, that he couldn't hurt her anymore.

He turned to her, his eyes filled with hatred, vomit dripping down his chin.

Then he smiled and held up his arm, and she realized with horror that he was wearing her signal watch. 

“No!” she yelled and threw herself against the bars of the cage, but the nth metal held and she fell back hard against the ground, unable to do anything to stop him as he flipped open the case and pressed the call button.

A piercing screech filled the room.

Short-Long-Short-Short…

The sounds were like knives in Lena’s ears.  

A second later, the wall of screens flicked on and Lena saw a figure in a black suit and mask swoop into view.

It was Ella.  

A sight locked onto Ella’s chest, and the blood drained from Lena’s face as she remembered that Mount Norquay had once been armed with an elaborate defense system…

“Ion cannons engaging,” flashed on the screen.

“Fire,” Lex hissed.  “Fuck aliens.  And fuck you, cunt.”

He seized up and his eyes grew dull and glassy and he pitched backwards, his skull hitting the concrete with a sickening crunch.

Lena barely registered his death as the cannons fired.  

But Ella swerved, narrowly dodging the ion pulse, and Lena gasped in relief.

She closed her eyes to try to recenter herself, then stood up and went over to the door of the cage.  She blasted the lock with her heat vision, then her freeze breath, then her heat vision again, alternating the bursts as quickly as she could.  She knew all metals, even nth metal, would fail under extreme temperature cycling; it would just take time to weaken it enough to…

The screen flashed again.

“Kryptonite cannons engaging.”

Lena stopped dead, panic rising like a tidal wave in her chest.

“Ella!  It’s a trap!” she screamed. 

But of course Ella couldn't hear her as she hovered in front of the cannons, completely unaware that she was about to die.

There was a burst of green and something collided with Ella and shoved her out of the way, then plunged out of sight.

Ella dove after it and Lena froze, not comprehending what she had just seen.  

A few seconds later, Ella burst into the room.  She ripped off her helmet, looking very young and very afraid.

“Lena,” she cried, “I think Kara’s… dead…”

Lena blanched.  Kara?  What was she doing here?  Wasn't she light years away?  

All of a sudden, Lena felt frantic, her heart beating a million times a minute, her body shaking uncontrollably.

“Ella, the force field!”

Ella looked up and shot a hole in the ceiling above the cage.

The field blipped off and the locks disengaged.

Lena smashed through the door of the cage and dredged up the concrete floor as she sped over to Ella, who stared at her in shock.  

“Where is she?” Lena asked, beside herself.  There was no time to explain the onset of her powers.  “Ella, where is she?” 

Ella grabbed her by the waist and in a flash they were in a clearing on the slope of the mountain.  

It was a bright, cold night, and the noise of the forest - the hooting and burrowing and howling - was deafening, but Lena tried to focus.  Kara was lying in the grass twenty feet in front of her, as still as an effigy on a tomb, clad in the suit Lena had made for her when Agent Liberty had seeded the skies with kryptonite.

That suit, Lena knew, had never been designed to withstand such a high-powered blast.  It had probably absorbed enough radiation to become toxic itself.  

She was hit by a wave of nausea that forced her down on her hands and knees, but she steeled herself and crawled forward.  Yet the closer she got, the more her body rebelled, her skin burning, her muscles cramping up, and a few feet out, she collapsed, unable to go any further.

“The suit…” she wheezed.  “It’s killing her…”

Ella picked her up and dragged her the rest of the way and deposited her next to Kara before falling back, retching.

Almost fainting from the pain, Lena summoned the last of her strength and fiddled with the release on the suit.  Each touch seared her skin like a white-hot poker.  But finally the suit folded up and Ella managed to grab it and throw it down the mountain.

The pain and nausea vanished instantly and Lena’s head cleared.  

In the moonlight, Kara looked like she was sleeping peacefully in her sports bra and shorts, except for the faint green lines that spidered across her body like veins in marble. 

And she wasn’t breathing.

No… she can't be… she can’t…

Desperate, Lena put two fingers against the side of Kara’s neck, trying to find a pulse under her smooth, cool skin.

There was none.

“No…” Lena cried out.  “No… please…”

This was all her fault.  How could she have been so stupid to believe Lex?  Had she just left him to die in prison, Kara would still be alive…

She put her head down on Kara’s chest, tears streaming down her cheeks, lost in a swirl of guilt and grief.  A flood of memories flashed through her mind:  the coffee breaks and potsticker runs and game nights and galas and holiday parties and the million other moments that made up a friendship, a life.

Then she heard a flutter.

She shushed Ella, who was sobbing next to her, and begged the universe for one more sign, holding her breath like it was her hope, fearing that if she let it go, everything would dissipate into thin air.

Then she heard a pulse, and another, and another, and she felt a surge of energy.

“She's alive,” she gasped.  “Sun lamps.  The DEO.  She needs…”

Ella picked Kara up and flew away before Lena could finish the thought, the mountain reverberating with a thunderous boom.

Lena staggered to her feet, determined to find a way back to National City.

She started sprinting at top speed down the slope, getting faster and faster until she thought she could push off…  

But her legs gave out and she tripped and fell, flinging her hands out to protect her face as she slammed into the ground.

Everything hurt.  She lay there, crying from pain and frustration, the night air chilling her to her bones.

Suddenly she was picked up and cradled by two strong arms.

“Let’s get you home,” Superman said, and covered her with his cape.

Lena let exhaustion overtake her, her eyelids growing heavy as the wind whipped past her ears, her last thought of Kara…

Please… just let her live…

Chapter Text

Lena surfaced slowly, growing conscious of the sunlight on her face, the roughness of the gown she was wearing, and the weight of the monitoring device on her wrist.

She could also hear the gurgle of her digestive system - she was ravenous - and the din of people around her talking and scratching and coughing and chewing and urinating and...

It was revolting.  

Her stomach turning, she shrank back into herself, trying to block out the sounds, but the cacophony overloaded her brain, making her want to scream.

Then the door scraped open and she bolted upright.

She was in one of the DEO med bays, surrounded by medical equipment and the spectral forms of thousands of agents going about their work.  And someone with exquisitely molded facial bones was walking towards the bed:  petite, female, a gun strapped to her waist, a stethoscope around her neck.  

It was Alex, Lena deduced, and for a moment she was captivated, watching the way the blood pumped through her arteries, the way air filled her lungs, watching the dance of life itself.

But suddenly it was too much, and she slammed her eyes shut.  Was this how she would be from now on, unable hear herself think, seeing people from the inside out, like they were carcasses in an abattoir?

Then she felt a pair of glasses slip onto her face and all the noise blissfully muted, fading into the background.

“These helped Kara get used to having powers…” 

Lena opened her eyes again, her vision now normal.  Alex was standing by the side of the bed, looking her over.  

She seemed stressed, her eyes puffy and her nails chewed to the quick, and it put Lena on edge, as Alex was as unflappable as they came.

Oh no…

“Kara…” she said, dread pooling in her gut, “is she… did she…”

She couldn’t finish the thought, but Alex thankfully knew what she was asking.

“She’s alive,” Alex said, giving her a half-smile.  “It was looking pretty dire, but we put her under a fuck ton of sun lamps and she woke up for a few moments before falling asleep again.  However, she’s extremely weak and she isn't healing as quickly as she usually does, so we’re keeping her isolated as she's probably immunocompromised.  And, there’s the possibility of long-term damage to her cells from the radiation, so...”

Her jaw clenched and she pulled out a tablet from her pocket and started tapping at the screen.

“I see,” Lena said, feeling shaken.  Although it wasn’t the worst news, clearly Kara wasn’t out of the woods.  Had she been permanently weakened?  Or become more susceptible to cancer?  It was horrible to contemplate, and Lena’s mind instantly started whirling.  “I’m sorry, Alex.  You must be so worried.  Are you seeing signs of dysplasia?  Is her bone marrow…”

Alex held up her hand, not looking up.  

“Let’s focus on you right now, shall we?  Kara's not going anywhere, and you've been out cold for twelve hours.  We need to make sure you’re healthy too.”  She scrolled through a few charts, furrowing her brow as she read, then finally nodded.  “Actually… your vitals look ok.  I think you must have solar flared.”  She glanced up, her eyes scanning Lena's face.  “I would like to do a cardiovascular workup though, if that’s ok with you, given that Lex died of…”

Lex.  

Suddenly Lena was back in that bunker, watching him choke on his own spit, his tongue lolling out of his head, his sightless eyes staring out at nothing, his head cracking open on the concrete.

Her body seized up and she started shaking, her lungs desperate for air, her heart thudding in her chest.

Alex threw the tablet on the bed and grabbed her hand.  

“Breathe with me, Lena,” she said, taking charge like the capable doctor she was.  “Inhale, two, three, four… hold, two, three, four… ” 

Lena did as she was told, counting her breaths until the tightness in her body released and her mind emptied, like a beach at low tide once the waves receded.  

And there it was, like a rotting whale, what she had done:  she had killed him.  She had killed her own brother.  

He was never coming back, his frenetic, destructive brilliance gone forever, a tornado evaporating into thin air.

It didn't seem possible.

“He’s dead,” she said, her voice trembling, as though saying the words aloud would make it more real.  “I killed him…”

Alex let go of her hand and sat down on the bed across from her.

“The autopsy said he died of heart failure,” she said gently, “and I think we’ll leave it at that for the coroner’s report.  But between you and me, Lena… what happened in there?  My team found Harun-El in a couple syringes…”

Lena fought down a flood of revulsion as she thought about the scalpel, about being slapped in the face, about being forced onto her knees.

And she could still hear his voice in her head:  "Betrayal is in your genes…"

How right he was.

“He… he… wanted me to cure him,” she said slowly, feeling far away, like she was narrating a scene from a film.  “He said I had to inject myself first, so he could see the serum was safe.  But we have different mothers, and therefore different hypervariable regions of our mitochondrial genomes.  So I used guide RNA to target mtDNA sequences he had and I didn’t, and inserted mutated genes that impacted ATP production and calcium storage in his cells.  And since the Harun-El speeds up cellular replication, it was only a matter of time before the engineered cells proliferated, causing cardiomyopathy and ultimately heart failure...”

Lena trailed off, her blood turning to ice.

The technical feat of creating such a complex serum couldn’t mask the fact that she had chosen to take her brother’s life. 

Deep down, though, killing him had felt great.  Lex had treated her like she was less than human:  a thing whose pain could be ignored, who could be used and thrown away, like a piece of garbage on the street.  He had deserved everything he’d got.

But what tore at her was how he had shattered her conception of herself.  She always reached for the bigger gun, and she rarely shied away from a fight.  But she had never thought she was the type of person who could enjoy watching someone die in front of her.  And she hated the fact that he, of all people, had been the one to show her that she wasn't a force for good at all, just another egomaniac who was making her mark on the world while turning a blind eye to all the suffering she left in her wake.

Ella had tried to tell her in Berlin.  But in her arrogance, she had dismissed Ella as too immature to understand how the world worked.  Whereas she, of course, had years of experience as a successful CEO and technologist.

Almost as soon as she had arrived at Luthor Mansion, she had been taught that ruthless competition would enable the best ideas and products to emerge.  The culling of unproductive effort was similar to pruning the branches of a tree to help its growth.  The cutthroat separation of winners and losers in the market was a feature, not a bug.  

But the truth, which had been staring her in the face, was that the wealthy and powerful could absorb the shock of the upheavals they caused, while everybody else could not.  

She hadn't noticed, because in the boardroom, she inhabited a higher dimension where everything was neat and clean, entire industries and populations abstracted into briefing notes and key metrics.  And although she truly believed in the promise of technology to bring about a future that was better for everyone, business itself felt like a game where she moved some numbers up and others down, a scoreboard removed from the visceral reality of what it represented. 

It was also absurdly easy for her to compartmentalize, giving away hundreds of millions of dollars a year through her foundation and making public statements about child poverty and public health that made her seem – and believe herself to be – enlightened and generous, while simultaneously operating her company in a way that maximized profits and ignored whether its actions might be catastrophic for anyone who wasn't a shareholder or a customer.  

It was the way she rarely spared a thought for the millions of bacteria she wiped out every time she washed her hands.  They simply didn't factor into her decisions.

But that was grotesque.  People weren't bacteria, and she wasn’t Lex.  She had no desire to be a god.  Yet her position had turned her into one, and a callous one at that.  

“Lena…” Alex was waving at her to get her attention, “you know it was self-defense, right?  He put you in an untenable situation, and you did what you had to do.  No one could fault you...”

Lena couldn’t meet her eyes.  

No one could fault her?  She felt like a monster.  Only now, after Lex had brutalized her and stripped her of her agency, had she understood how brainwashed she had become, and how little compassion she had for people less fortunate than she was…

“Hey,” Alex tried again, “do you want to talk to a counselor?  We have psychologists on staff who specialize in trauma.  You shouldn’t sweep this under the rug.  I would recommend...”

But Lena was still miles away.  She felt an urgency to talk to Ella before Ella disappeared again, to prove to her that she had changed, to ask her what she should do now, to actually listen this time…

“Where’s Ella?” she asked abruptly, almost startling herself with the sound of her own voice.  “I’d like to see her… to apologize...”

Alex blinked, then stood up and stretched, rolling her neck around in a circle.

“You can't see her right now.  She’s been… detained.”  She looked up at the ceiling.  “She flew Kara back so fast, she solar flared, so we were able to arrest her.  She’s with counsel now, preparing for trial.”

Lena felt a pang.  Ella must have known what would happen the moment she set foot in the DEO, yet she hadn’t hesitated for a moment to bring Kara back.  

“Is there anything I can do?” Lena asked, wondering which lawyers she could call who would have experience with military or government tribunals.  “She doesn't deserve to go away for life.  She’s just a kid in some ways…”

“No.  And I had to recuse myself.  But also, Lena,” Alex shook her head, “I love Ella, but I think she knew full well that what she was doing was against the law.  I had hoped she could make a plea for clemency, but from what I've heard, she isn’t remotely sorry.”

Lena could picture Ella’s defiance and her idealism and her pride.  She would be her own worst enemy on the stand.  

But it also felt like the deck was already stacked against her.

“But how is this fair?” Lena protested.  “She didn’t kill anyone, but she’s facing the same life sentence that Lex did.  Just because she’s an alien...” 

“Yes, because she’s an alien with powers that can destroy an entire city,” Alex said wearily, “and has shown she will go on the attack.  I wish things were different, Lena, I really do.  I know the tribunals are flawed.  But… if the powerful can't restrain themselves, as a society, we must be able to hold them to account.  Ella broke the law and needs to face the consequences of her actions.  And yes, I see the irony, because the only people she’s harmed are the same ones who have trampled the social contract and co-opted our institutions to enrich themselves at everyone else's expense.  But, two wrongs don't make a right, and unfortunately, she didn’t think about that before she blew up that bank.”

Lena bit her lip.  It was hard to hear Alex’s perspective, because she hadn’t wanted to believe that Ella had been abusing her power, just as she hadn’t wanted to believe the same thing about herself.

“I get it,” Lena said softly.  “But I still think she deserves another chance.  There's so much good she could do… she could be another Supergirl, protecting us from harm and…”

Alex made a face.

“I don't know.  I think another savior-figure is the last thing the world needs right now.  If Ella wants to do something about inequality, she needs to work on fixing our laws so we stop allowing corporations to get so fucking big.  Flying around in a cape isn’t going to help.  Kara and I talked about that… she said she'd made a mistake in letting the city put up that statue of her.  Because it made it all about her, and how strong and amazing and powerful she is, which was never the point.  But… we're all conditioned to worship power, and wealth, and fame, and talent.  We just expect that certain people will matter more than others and get to live extraordinary lives.  But by raising them up and giving them our attention and our energy, they get more money, and power, and fame, and advantages.  It’s a vicious cycle, and Kara didn’t want any part of it.”

“Then why did she come back?” Lena asked, confused.  She hadn’t had time to process anything, but there was a part of her that had hoped Kara had found some way to reconcile her powers with staying on Earth.

“Because I asked her to,” Alex said simply.  “Ella didn't show for her check-up so I wanted to capture Kara's solar radiation signature to track her down.  But also, Lena,” she pressed her lips together, “I thought she might be the only one you'd listen to about stopping your experiments with the Harun-El.  But then Sam called and said you'd been kidnapped, so… she suited up and went looking for you.”

“I see,” Lena said, a lump forming in her throat. 

It was dawning on her the extent to which the people around her – Sam and Alex and even Frank – were always trying to rein her in or contain the blast radius of her poor decisions. 

She’d had no right to meddle in Kara's life, the way her brother had tried to meddle in hers, the way her company meddled in the affairs of countless communities all over the world.

And it was sobering to realize that the Kara she thought about constantly, the one she longed for, was actually a memory, a regret she could not shake.  Because the real Kara had wanted to be far away from here, away from her.  

“I’m… I’m sorry, Alex,” Lena said, burying her face in her hands.  Her entire life was a lie, and she didn't know what to do.  “I was way out of line.  And I… I promise I’ll leave her alone from now on.”

Alex put a hand on her shoulder.

“You know, a week ago, I would have thanked you for coming to your senses.  But… I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about her.”  She let out a sigh.  “I think she’s lonely and trying to find a sense of purpose again.  But these past few days, I’ve never seen her so… determined.  She moved heaven and earth, Lena, trying to find you.  And after all this time, I think that has to mean something.  So maybe when she’s out of isolation, you can finally sit down and talk and get to a better place.”

Lena wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I’ve tried, Alex,” she admitted, feeling as fragile as glass.  “A few times.  She never wanted to talk to me.  And she said it was too late…”

Alex leaned over the bed and picked up the tablet and put it back in her pocket.

“Maybe it is,” she said.  “But, she could be here a while, depending on how her recovery goes.  And… I think she could use a friend.  As could you.  Just… think about it, ok?”

She put the stethoscope in her ears and motioned for Lena to scoot to the edge of the bed.

Lena stared at the floor as Alex listened to her heart - her new hybrid heart.

The universe rarely granted second chances.  But this felt like an opportunity to put things right, to try to be there for Kara, one last time.  Not to convince her of anything or to push her to stay, but to sit and listen and support her, to help her to recover enough strength to return to her new planet.

She owed Kara that, at least:  a chance to live the way she wanted, as an ordinary person, one of a multitude of stars, shining her light into the brilliant night sky.