Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

~0~

The saying ‘life is short’ has never been so literal in every sense of the words to the entirety of Jay’s 21 years of existence up until now when a grim threat was hanging over his life. In an hour or so, Jay will die in the hands of his best friend, Jake, if could not find his dog, Layla, in time. He could feel his life ticking away in every passing second. Jay ran both of his hand through his hair, breezing past the alleys and streets around the park where he took Layla for a walk. Jay has been running around the park and all the nearby side roads but there were no signs of his best friend’s dog anywhere. The street lights were starting to flicker into life whereas Jay’s hope of ever finding Layla was slowly winking out into the approaching night.

Jay stopped to catch his breath, his shoulder dropping. Should he just accept his impending death today? He asked himself as he stole a glance at his wrist watch, wincing with how little time he has. Jake should be back any time now. Jay knew that the first thing his best friend will do was to check on his dog as soon as he gets back. He had been away for two days for some science conference so, he asked Jay to take care of his dog while he was gone and that’s why Jay ended up on this predicament. He wondered how would he break the news to Jake. Will he listen to Jay’s explanation? Assuming that Jay would get a chance to explain in the first place. Jay massaged his temple and groaned. He should probably call his parents to say goodbye.

“Jay-hyung?”

“Jungwon-ie? What are you doing here?” Jay asked, a little taken aback to see Jungwon here.

“Our apartment is around this area.” Jungwon pointed ahead of the street. “What are you doing here?”

“I—,” Jay exhaled, downtrodden, once again reminded of the bind he was in. “Hold on. You said you live here? That means you know this area, right?” Jay snapped back at Jungwon.

“Uh, yes?”

Jay could feel a microscopic spark of fleeting hope igniting in his chest. He grabbed Jungwon by his shoulder and locked rgeir gazes.

“Can you help me look for Layla, please?”

Jungwon blinked at Jay, face blank. Jay could not blame him though. If he was in the same position a random stranger asked him for help without any context in a middle of a street, Jay would scare them off with a glare and walk away. He was glad that Jungwon was not someone like him and Jungwon was not a random stranger either. They knew each other for more than a year now. Jay first met Jungwon when he joined the student council as the representative of his major. If he was being honest, Jay found it odd that a freshman was chosen as a representative at first. But, after working with him with couple of the events, Jay got to know Jungwon and how perfect he was for the role. He was adept on handling people even if they were older than him. He even saved the council’s bacon in times of crisis. Now Jay was in the middle of crisis and he was hoping that Jungwon could be his saving grace this time around too. They were close enough to drop the formalities with each other. They were friends to say the least. Jay wished that it was enough for Jungwon to pull him out of this plight.

“Layla is Jake’s dog. I… kinda lost her around the park near here.” When Jay explained it like that, it almost sounded like his life was not on the line. How he hoped it was the case.

“Kinda?”

“Ok. I lost her. We we’re playing catch and… I can explain it later. Just please help me look for her? Jake’s gonna kill me if I can’t find his dog.”

Jungwon looked him up and down. He bit his lips almost like he was holding back a smile. Jay narrowed his eyes on him.

“Why are you looking me like that? I’m not joking, you know. This is serious.”

If only Jungwon knew the true severity of the situation. Jungwon had no idea on the extent of Jake’s fury. Once, Jay had left a piece of chocolate in Jake’s apartment and Layla almost consumed it. In his defense, he didn't do it in purpose but Jake did not speak with him for a month after that. Jay never wanted to go all through that again. Imagine what would Jake do if Jay brought him the news that he lost his beloved dog.

“I know, hyung. I’m just surprised to see you like this. You’ve always been so… composed and cool and intimidating all the time. I never thought I’ll see you like this.”

Jay averted his gaze, cheeks flushing. He knew the image he exudes in the campus and the way he looks and acting right now was out of his usual character. He could assess the dent on his image later. If he’s still alive that is.

“Can you make fun of me later? My life is on the line here.”

“Isn’t that way too dramatic? I have spoken to Jake hyung a couple of times and he’s like nice. I doubt that he will kill you.”

Jay was never dramatic. He shook his head. “No, no, no. You don’t understand. When it comes to his dog, Jake can throw away our decade friendship like it was nothing.”

“Okaaay, hyung. Relax.” Jungwon reached out to him, patting his back. “Panicking will not help you find Layla. Breathe.”

Jay stared at Jungwon for a moment before he drew a deep breath and released it to calm himself down.

“I’ll help. But I have to drop my things off first in our apartment, is that ok? It’s just on the next block. Maybe we could start searching there.”

Jay’s eyes lit up. Out of the blue, it dawned to him that this was the first time he talked to Jungwon out of the of the context of the student council or college in general. Sure, they had lunch together and had gone out for a couple of times but they it was still under the pretense of school work and not solely as friends. Jay wondered—

“Hyung?”

As if he touched some burning pot, Jay broke eye contact when he caught himself staring too much and far too long. Jay mumbled a soft ‘thank you’ under his breath and nodded.

Jungwon walked along the street towards his apartment with Jay following closely behind. They were nearing a corner when Jay’s phone beeped. He went still and his stomach sank and almost drop his phone when he saw the caller ID.

“It’s Jake. What should I do, Wonie?” Jay said, voice cracking when Jungwon glanced at him.

~0~

Sunoo likes dogs but if you asked him if he was a dog person, he would say no. This doesn’t mean that he was a cat person even though he likes cats as well. For Sunoo, he would only consider himself as dog person or cat person or both when he finally owned one or both. Yes, the logic was a little flawed. Sunoo knew you can be either of the two or both even without having one but Sunoo likes to stand by his own views on the pet owner classification. Yet, if you asked anyone, they would tell you Sunoo was a dog person and it was difficult for him to correct them. By association alone, anyone one could conclude that Sunoo favored canines over felines. In his small group of close friends alone except for Heesung, the oldest, and himself, have a dog. Sunghoon have Gaeul, Jungwon have Maeumi and Ni-ki have Bisco. It also doesn’t help that more often than not, Sunoo dog-sat his friends’ fur babies. No one could blame him though because they are all adorable. You can almost say that he was some sort of adoptive owner or godfather of his friends’ dogs. Still, Sunoo doesn’t own any of them. So, with his fallible logic, if you asked Sunoo if he was a dog person, he would flat out say no.

Technicality aside, Sunoo still likes dogs as much as the next guy nonetheless. So, imagine his surprise to see a beautiful cream-white dog blocking his way in a secluded path at the back of the park at five in the afternoon. The dog looks like a golden retriever from Sunoo's limited knowledge of dog breed. He was probably wrong (see, another reason he was not a dog person). Sunoo stopped on his tracks, looking around to see if there’s any sign of the dog’s owner anywhere near but there was no one. The path was empty save for himself and the dog in front of him. It was not surprising though, because this pathway was more of a secluded shortcut. Few people use it as much except Sunoo, who uses it as loopback from his favorite dessert and ice cream shop (which is why he was there in the first place) and back to the main street.

The dog stared at Sunoo, ears perking up. It cocked its head and, with a bark, wagged its tail at him. Sunoo melted on the spot. He crouched down and pet the dog.

“Oh, hello there.” Sunoo cooed. “What are you doing here, hm? Where is your owner, little one? You sneak out, don’t you?” Sunoo giggled when the dog leaned against his hand. “You’re a naughty one, huh?”

The dog then barked again at Sunoo jumping on him and started licking his face. Sunoo laughed as he fell on his butt.

“Ok, ok. You’re cute but you need to get home now. It’s getting late.” Sunoo tossed a glance at the bleeding skyline. Looking back at the dog, he combed through the fur to check on the tag on dog's collar

“Layla?” Sunoo read the engraved name on the tag. The dog barked once again that sounded like a confirmation. “Is that your name, girl?” Sunoo smiled and flipped over the tag, sighing as he saw a phone number inscribed on it.

Sunoo needed to head back to his apartment too. He left his phone this morning since he was running late for his exam. Jungwon must have been calling him non-stop and worried that he must be dead in some ditch with a mouth full of mint-chocolate ice cream for not taking his call. Sunoo wilted as the realization from his internal monologue kicked in.

Sunoo scanned the area one last time hoping to see someone searching for this sweet and delightful dog. Minutes passed but there was none. He debated looking around for a bit but it was getting dark soon.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Sunoo pouted, glancing back at Layla. “Gosh, you’re really cute.” He stood up and dusted his pants. “C’mon Layla, I’ll take you with me then we’ll call your owner give him an earful for letting you wander all by yourself, ok?”

When Layla gave an affirmative bark, Sunoo picked her up and carried her all the way back to the apartment.

Despite all this though, if you asked Sunoo if he was a dog person at that exact moment, he would still say no.

~0~

Jungwon blew up his bangs with a heavy sigh. He puffed his cheeks, eyeing Jay with a perfect concoction of resignation and amusement as he paced back and forth in the small living room of his apartment. They were waiting for Jay’s best friend, Jake. Jungwon took over the call from earlier since Jay has been rendered catatonic by seeing Jake’s name on his phone screen. He explained the on-going situation the best he could with the bare minimum information that he got from Jay. Jungwon tried to offer reassurance to Jake over the phone although he wasn’t sure if it was convincing. Jungwon could not tell how Jake took the news about his missing dog . He didn’t hear any expletives or hysterics from Jake or maybe it’s because it was him Jake was talking to and not Jay. The last thing Jake asked Jungwon about was where he could meet them before dropping the call. So, long story short, they were waiting for Jake at Jungwon’s apartment which could be any minute from now.

“Hyung, can you stay put for a while? Jake hyung will not kill you.” Jungwon said.

Jay faced him with a pallid expression, his usual orderly hair now unkempt. “I know Jake. I know he will.”

To say Jungwon was surprised witnessing this side of his sunbae would be a gross understatement. He could not believe that this was the same Jay that could fill the room with commanding aura just with his mere presence alone. Jungwon had known the guy when he was a freshman and never once, he saw him like this or even think that Jay can be like this. There could be some history that Jungwon didn’t know about which was why Jay was hellbent on believing that his own best friend will murder him.

But still.

“Well, he won’t.” Jungwon approached Jay and hold him still from meandering back and forth. Smiling, he added, “He still needs you to help him find Layla first.”

“Wow, that’s comforting, Jungwon-a.”

Jay scowled at him although Jungwon still caught how the corner of his mouth twitched a little. Jungwon was about to say something more but a knock from the door cut him off. In an instant, Jay became a statue, staring wide-eyed at him. Jungwon shook his head and squeezed Jay’s shoulder as he went towards door. With a sigh and split second of regret, Jungwon opened the door.

“Hi, Jake-hyung.” Jungwon said as soon as Jake came into view.

Jake looked like he woke up late for an important exam, barely got in to the train during rush hour and still miss the test. His face was lacking it’s usual luster and his default puppy eyes was drooping. Now that Jungwon saw Jake, he thought that maybe they should have agreed to meet him at the park and not in his apartment. Even though he doubted it, if ever Jay was telling the truth about his best friend killing him (which Jungwon thought might be a possibility now by the looks of it), his apartment would be a crime scene. Jungwon had no idea how will he explain it to his roommate and best friend, Sunoo.

Jake nodded curtly to Jungwon as he let him in. Jake line of sight shifted to Jay who stood frozen in the middle of the living room.

“You have one job! How hard is that!?”

Jungwon flinched, thinking that Jay might be right all along and he wondered how did he get himself in the middle of this.

~0~

“We were just playing at the park and then the ball went far off and I…”

“And what? Layla just disappeared?” Jake eyes flashed at his best friend who was now cowering behind Jungwon.

Jake was already in the midst of mental and physical exhaustion. His head was throbbing due to only having 4 hours of sleep the night before. No matter how much he enjoyed the two-day natural science conference he went to as a preparation for grad school didn’t mean he wasn’t drained. All that Jake wanted to do now was to catch some sleep and cuddle with Layla to recharge. His brain was nothing but mush to even process this through. Jake didn’t need to get emotionally sapped out on top of it as well. But with Layla missing, he was spiraling hard to the trifecta of stress.

Jake took a step towards Jay who pressed himself behind Jungwon.

“Oh, please stop it! Both of you!” Jungwon threw his hands up, surprising him and Jay. He removed himself from Jay and stood between the two of them. “You two arguing won’t help find Layla!”

Jake opened his mouth but a glare from Jungwon made him re-zip his lips. Jake had a few encounters with Jungwon in the university and become friends with him through Jay. They were both student representative of their majors. Jake knew Jungwon as the approachable and mild-mannered sophomore and that his best friend Jay seemed to be quite fond of him.

“Okay, here’s what I think we should do.” Jungwon began, eyeing him and Jay. “Let’s go back to park where Jay hyung last saw Layla and split from there.” A pause, letting the plan sink in. Jungwon then turned to him. “Jake hyung, does Layla have a dog tag with your contact number in it?”

Jake nodded.

“Good! Keep an eye out on your phone. If an unknown number is calling, answer it. Chances are, it must be someone who found Layla.”

Both him and Jay exchanged glances and stared at Jungwon. How can be the two of them missed that? Luckily, they had Jungwon with them who still had his head in the right place. On how Jungwon could do it after being an innocent third party in the middle of this, Jake had no idea. Even though it gave them some sort of reprieve, the reality was, Layla has gone missing for an hour and there were still no calls.

“Now, hyungs. Let’s get moving!”

Jake snapped out of his thoughts and glared at Jay who stiffened. But, before they made their way out, the apartment’s door suddenly swung open. All three of them looked at the entrance and watched as guy came in. He was carrying a dog. A very familiar dog.

“Layla!”

“Sunoo-hyung?”

Layla’s ears perked up as soon as he heard and saw Jake, she wiggled out of Sunoo guy’s hold and ran over to him. Jake felt his body loosened when he got a hold of his dog. For a moment, he didn’t care that there were other people in the room Layla’s licking him all over his face.

“Hyung, how come Layla is with you?”

Jake came back to his senses when he heard the question from Jungwon. He glanced at the guy named Sunoo.

“I, I found her at the back of the park.” Sunoo blinked, perplexed. He turned to Jungwon. “Uh, what’s going on?”

“Well, this is Jay hyung and this is—”

“You found her but you took her with you instead of calling the owner? Surely, you see Layla’s tag.” Jake cut Jungwon off, narrowing his eyes at Sunoo.

Silence reigned over the apartment for the first time after Jake’s outburst.

Sunoo’s eyes widen, mouth slightly agape. Then his forehead creased. “Sorry, is that accusation I hear?”

“I’m not being subtle about it, am I?”

Sunoo’s hand clasped on his chest in offense. Sunoo walked over the coffee table and picked up the phone lying atop of it.

“For your information, I’m going to call. It just happened that I left my phone here at the apartment that's why I took her with me.” Sunoo held his phone in front of Jake before pointing to his face. “Do I look like someone who steals someone else’s dog?”

Peaches. Strange enough, it was the first thought that came into Jake’s mind as he took in Sunoo’s appearance. He was about Jake’s height with round face and fox-like eyes glowering at him.

“And if you don’t want to lose your dog then you should be a more responsible owner.”

Jake winced stepping back a little. He deserved that. He lowered his eyes and buried his face on Layla’s neck to hide his flushed face. Jake side-eyed Jay with his own glare.

Jungwon cleared his throat and forcing a chuckle. “As I was saying, Sunoo hyung, this is Jay hyung and that’s Jake hyung, as you already know is Layla’s owner. This is nice, isn’t it? Layla’s here. Problem solved.”

Jay held his hand up in an attempt of a greeting. He made an eye contact with Jake before looking back at Sunoo. “Excuse me, Sunoo-ssi. Ah, this is all my fault actually. Jake had nothing to do with this. He didn’t mean to sound uh—”

“Rude?” Sunoo supplied in a beat.

Jake could feel this face warming up. The elation he felt of finding Layla was now pushed down by the embarrassment washing over him. Jake needed some sort of intervention. A fissure on the ground to swallow him up would be a good start. An alien ship to beam him out of his misery was not a bad thing either. Jake would take anything or else he might combust here in humiliation.

Jake did get an intervention, not an extraterrestrial space ship or crevice on Earth’s crust but in the form of Jungwon.

“Hyung, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Jake lifted his head when he heard the door from one of the rooms closed and sighed. Jake didn’t know how the guy do it but he has a keen eye on reading and managing the situation. Jake made a mental note to thank Jungwon and treat the guy to whatever he wants because Jake and Jay owed him so much for handling them and this whole mess. Jake caught Jay looking at him. He knew what he meant. Jake closed his eyes and bury his face on Layla’s fur. Jake knew he owed Sunoo a big-time apology too.

The intervention bought Jake a few minutes to make an apology statement with the last of his brain cells. Jake likes to think he was good with words since it was easy for him to talk to people but thinking about it now, it didn’t correlate much especially when asking for forgiveness. Or Jake was too tired string coherent sentences and scared that Sunoo could not see his sincerity of his apology. But Jake still needed to try so, when Jungwon and Sunoo came out in the room, he immediately approached Sunoo.

“Sunoo-ssi. I apologize for being so… rude.” Jake echoed Sunoo’s word, meeting his gaze. “I’m really really really sorry. It was wrong of me to straight up accuse you. Yes, yes, I should be a more responsible owner. And, for the record you don’t… you don’t look like someone who steals dogs. Or anything for the matter. I mean you actually kinda look a peach and cu—”

“We’re very sorry Sunoo-ssi and Jungwon-ie. For causing this whole mess.”

Jake had no idea how he ended up rambling but he might have to forgive Jay too for cutting him off and saving him from another mortifying situation. He almost ended up creeping Sunoo out.

Sunoo stared at Jay. When he turned to him, Jake forced himself not to falter under the scrutiny. Layla saved him this time with a bark, jumping out of Jake’s hold and approach Sunoo. Layla sat in front of him looking up with an innocent puppy dog eye.

“Fine.” Sunoo groaned in defeat and lowered himself and pet Layla. “Why are you so adorable?” He looked over Jake. “Apology accepted.”

“Really!?”

“Jungwon-ie already explained everything and he vouched for you two guys. I trust Wonie’s judgment and I can’t say no to Layla if she's looking at me like that.”

Jake sighed as relief washed over him. He really owed Jungwon big time now who only winked at him when their gazes met. And of course, his lovely dog, Layla for being her adorable self. Jay who appeared at Jake’s side nudged him. Jake heard it loud and clear.

“If it’s alright, Sunoo-ssi, I would like to treat you as my formal apology and thank you for bringing Layla back. I mean both you, Sunoo-ssi and Jungwon.”

“There’s no need, Jake-ssi.” Sunoo waved him off, still brushing Layla’s fur with a fond smile. “Anyone would’ve done the same.”

Sunoo’s eyes almost vanished into two crescents when he smiled, Jake noted.

“I insist. I feel bad the way acted earlier and I want to thank you for taking care of Layla.”

“Don’t worry. I know that it’s just a misunderstanding. Also, it’s not that I don’t want to. I’m not the one to turn down food but I'm busy this time. I got exams coming up and I still need to find someone to teach me stat and probability.”

“Heesung-hyung bailed?” Jungwon asked.

Sunoo regarded Jungwon wryly. “I bailed. Heesung-hyung is good at everything except math or anything with numbers in general. No one’s really perfect, I guess.”

“Then Jake could teach you!”

“What?” Jake and Sunoo said in unison heads turning to Jay.

Jay scratched the back of his head and smiled. “Well, Sunoo-ssi needs some help in stat. You wanted to make it up to him and you’re basically a math genius. Isn’t this a win-win situation or what?”

“There you go, hyung.” Jungwon grinned like a cat, elbowing Sunoo. “What are the odds, right?

Jake and Sunoo could only exchange glances in awkward silence.

~0~

Chapter Text

~0~

JAKE

Jake was a perfect dichotomy of excessively active and needlessly dormant. Jake could be bouncing around the campus from lecture to lecture and playing casual soccer game one day and he could be napping every in-between breaks the next. He loves moving around and being in action but he has an as intense or even more affection about sleeping. It didn’t help that Jake could fall asleep in ease and not that much picky with the location, be it in the classroom, a bench, or against a wall, give his head something to lean on and Jake would doze off. Needless to say, a short nap in the library was nothing but a walk in a park for Jake. The problem came in, however, the moment he woke up from the said nap. He propped himself up, rubbed his eyes and his out-of-focus vision focused in to none other than Kim Sunoo sitting across from him. The fog of sleep retreated faster than Jake could think of.

Jake scrambled to his seat, eyes darting off at the library’s digital clock. Jake winced when he saw that time. An unsettling weight started bubbling in his stomach. His last class ended earlier than usual so he decided to take a short nap in the library as he waited for Sunoo there. The nap was not as short as Jake had planned. He slept off for almost an hour. Jake was supposed to meet Sunoo at the library at 5PM for their first study session on statistics and now it was already 27 minutes past that time. He couldn’t believe he still ended up somewhat late. Jake felt that this was worse than being late.

“Oh, hello, Jake-ssi. Sorry, did I wake you up?” Sunoo asked when he noticed Jake, looking up from the books and papers strewn over his side of the table.

“Yes.” Jakes eyes widen, blood rushing to his face. “No. Ah, I mean I’m sorry I doze off. I was waiting and I…” Fell asleep longer than I should, Jake wanted to say but, his voice trailed off because he couldn’t think of another way to explain the situation. He was sure that Kim Sunoo could see through it even if Jake tried to conjure some half-ass excuse.

“Was it a good sleep though?” Sunoo giggled, eyes crinkling into slits. Jake couldn’t tell if it was because he found his spluttering an excuse of a sentence funny or he was mocking him.

“It’s ok, Jake-ssi. It actually gave me some time to go over some of my other assignments.” Sunoo added, before going back to his notes.

Or maybe both, Jake thought. Was it better? No. But, at least Sunoo wasn't mad at him for sleeping off on the first study session that was meant to be Jake’s apology and payback. If this was baseball, Jake has two strikes already. If it’s soccer, he already got the orange card. They even haven’t started yet.

“You should’ve woken me up as soon as you get here.”

“You look like you need it so I let you be.” Sunoo tossed him a glance before flipping to the next page of one of the books in front of him.

Jake stared at Sunoo, mouth hanging. Now Jake felt twice as awful than he already was about himself even though he knew that he didn’t really mean to oversleep.

“Or you could’ve just stamped a note on my face and left, you know. I won’t mind.” Jake wished that Sunoo had done that. It was easier to deal with that.

Sunoo regarded him in contemplation, Jake faltering under the weight of the gaze. Sunoo’s expression was unreadable before his went wide. “Oh! Do you want me to leave so you can continue? We can reschedule this tomorrow.”

“No!” Jake jolted from his seat flailing his hands in interjection.

People in the library shifted their heads towards their direction with varying degree of annoyance. Sunoo gaped at his outburst before putting his head down. Jake couldn’t blame him though because, to be honest, Jake was shocked by his reaction as well. After mumbling a quick apology, he covered his face as he shrinks back to his chair.

“That’s not what I meant. Sorry. I just… you didn’t have to wait for me. Yeah, that’s what I’m meaning to say.” Jake explained when he regained an ounce of composure.

“Why? Aren’t you supposed to help me not to flunk stat, Jake-ssi?” Sunoo seemed to recover faster than Jake even though his cheeks still have a faint red on it. His eyes glinted and the corner of his lips twitched. “If you still want to, that is.”

This time Jake was sure that Sunoo’s teasing him.

“I—,” Jake put a hand over his mouth when he heard his voice coming off louder as he intended again. There’s only enough embarrassment he could handle in a day and he didn’t want to add getting kicked out of the library into the mix. At length, Jake sighed, “Of course. That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?

Jake licked his lips, fingers lightly drumming at the table as the silence stretched. It was awkward, at least to Jake. He couldn’t say the same thing to Sunoo since his eyes wander to anything other than Sunoo’s face.

When Jake couldn’t take the dead air any longer, he leveled his gaze and force a smile. “So… shall we start?”

Sunoo blinked out of his trance. Jake couldn’t tell if he was staring at him the whole time but he seemed to occupied with thoughts Jake could only guess. Maybe he was thinking of the same thing as Jake. Asking himself, ‘what is with this guy? Or what the hell I’m doing here again?’ The sad thing about all that was Jake couldn’t hold it against Sunoo. He was even thinking the same thing about himself. Why is he acting some sort of weirdo in front of Sunoo? Jake couldn’t tell. He had his fair share of mortifying situation before but he always kept his cool and weathered along with it, charming his way out of those scenarios. This time though, Jake felt like he was having some out-body experience.

“Here, Jake-ssi.”

Jake balked at Sunoo’s voice. Before he could berate himself again, Sunoo put a neatly packed sandwich in front of him followed by bottle of banana milk he fished out of his bag.

“I can’t have you teach me with an empty stomach.” Sunoo said.

“I’m good. Thank you but, I’m not really hungry.” Jake politely declined.

However, today was not his day. As soon as Jake said that, his stomach decided to betray him by voicing its disagreement with a loud rumble.

Sunoo snorted and bit his lips, trying not to burst in laughter. Jake wilted on the spot. It was one of those moments he wanted to run to the nearest open space or a cliff and screamed his lungs out.

“Just eat, Jake-ssi. It will make you feel better. We’ll start after then.”

The way Sunoo looked at him told Jake that he could read the struggle on his face. He dismissed Jake with a chuckle and picked up his pen and continue with what he was previously writing.

After a moment of trying to get a grip of his remaining pieces of dignity, Jake gingerly picked the sandwich. It was well wrapped that Jake hesitated to take the wrapper off. He stared at the delicious looking sandwich and paused. He glanced at Sunoo who was his head down in his notes, mumbling in low voice when his eyes switches to the book at his left.

“What about you, Sunoo-ssi?”

Sunoo hummed, looking up at him with a smile. “Don’t worry. I ate mine when I got here.”

Jake studied Sunoo as he eats. It was only then he realized how Sunoo was wearing a big round eyeglass and how his bangs were down over his forehead looking more child-like as if his face alone was not enough to do that. The terrible feeling creeping up on him with the way he was acting. They haven’t even begun what they were both here for. He overslept, made Sunoo wait and almost made him believe should left him there so he could sleep more. To top it off he embarrassed the two of them by making a commotion in the library. But what did Jake get from it? Sunoo’s patience, Sunoo’s thoughtfulness and Sunoo’s cutely wrapped sandwich that turned out to be delicious as it looked. Even though, Jake didn’t do what he did in purpose, Jake felt undeserving to get those from Sunoo in return. He was the one who owed Sunoo for taking care of Layla and bringing her back but Jake kept still owing the guy more as he tried to make it up to him.

“Sunoo-ssi, I’ll make sure you’ll ace your exam on stat.” Jake blurted out of the blue, surprising himself more so than Sunoo.

Sunoo looked up, unsure. “That’s… that’s nice to hear.”

Jake tried not to cringed. It was cheesy, yes and Jake would have been a flustered mess if not for his resolve on that declaration that weighed more than the cheesiness of the statement. He wanted give back, he wanted Sunoo to get something out of him this time around. With a blush dusting his cheeks, Jake grinned at Sunoo, feeling like he was himself for the first time that Tuesday afternoon.

~0~

Later that day, Jake met up with Jay at the new Japanese restaurant near their apartment complex. Jay was already there occupying at a table by the window of the shop, waving at Jake when he saw him.

“Bro, I thought you’re excited to try out this place?” Jay asked as soon as Jake s within earshot. “At least try to look that you wanted to be here.”

Jake rolled his eyes, slumping down to his seat across Jay. Before Jay could further interrogate him, a waiter came and took their orders. Jake wished that the special spicy miso ramen would make him feel a little human again.

“Seriously, what happened to you?” Jay asked again after the waiter left.

Leaning back to his chair, Jake let out a heavy breath. “Pondering about the meaning of human existence.”

“I thought you’re teaching Sunoo statistics not philosophy.” Jay raised an eyebrow. He propped his elbow and let his head rest atop his palm, eyes glinting in curiosity. “That bad huh?”

“Don’t get me started. It’s disastrous.”

Jay smiled. “You mean for you, right?”

Jake glared at his best friend but proceeded to tell him the various mishaps that transpired that afternoon with Kim Sunoo. Jay’s smile grew wider and wider as Jake recounted the events. It turned into a grin and ended up with Jay shaking in laughter by the end of Jake's anecdote.

Jake massaged his temple as he could still see it fresh in his head. The only time that Jake was in his element during the whole debacle was when he started teaching Sunoo statistics. Math and science subjects have been Jake’s comfort subjects. He excels on both and confident with his knowledge hence the reason he majored in Astrophysics in the first place. Basically, Jake could weave through the stat without any hitch. It helped him look like he got his shit together as he discussed kurtosis and chi-square test to Kim Sunoo. Unfortunately, anything outside the subject matter didn’t go well for Jake. Whether it was intentional or not, Jake always ended up messing up and doing something that would make him appear bad to Sunoo.

“I’m happy that my sufferings made your day.” Jake said drily.

“Admit it, Jakey. It’s hilarious.”

“If it’s not happening to you, yes.”

Jake swatted Jay’s hand when he attempted to ruffle his hair which made him chuckle.

“I think you made Sunoo-ya’s day too. Not only did he learn stat but he also witnessed some peak comedy there. How I wished I was there too.”

“Shup up.” Jake huffed, crossing his arms. “Wait a moment,” Jake perked up, furrowing his eyebrows at Jay. “Sunoo-ya? No formalities now? When did the two of you become friends?”

“Uh, the day after the Layla incident. I joined Jungwon-ie and Sunoo for lunch. We talked.” Jay shrugged.

“That’s it?”

“Yeah. He asked if it’s ok to be friends with each other.”

Sunoo asked Jay but not him. Why? Why not him? It would’ve been easier if Sunoo had asked him too. But, Sunoo didn’t. Instead, they spent the whole session being too formal with each other. Even though, he’s been in South Korea for almost a decade now and he first learned the language the formal way, Jake was still uncomfortable with it. It doesn’t quite roll of his tongue and it seemed to put a lot of distance between the two people talking. It was how Jake felt the whole-time teaching Sunoo.

“Hold on, you’re telling me that…”

“I told you what happened.” Jake snapped. “Kim Sunoo have more reasons not to be friends with me.”

“Yeah, but isn’t it one more reason for you to befriend him?”

“Easy for you to say since you didn’t start with a wrong foot with him. He even asked you to be his friend himself.”

If Jay heard the bite of bitterness in his voice, he didn’t give any signs. Jake sighed, unsure why it came out that way either.

“I would’ve asked Sunoo either way.” Jay cocked his head, corner of his lips twitching. “I thought you’re supposed to be the sociable one between us?”

“It didn’t come up, ok?” Jake looked away.

“More like you didn’t bring it up.”

Jake closed his eyes and tensing his jaw. Did Jay have to call him out? Sometimes he hated how easy for his best friend to see through his bullshit and Jake couldn’t even get angry at Jay because he was right.

Jake run a hand through his hair and hung his head low. “I don’t think Sunoo likes me that much.”

There he said it. It was the thought that was bugging Jake since during his time with Sunoo in the library even though Sunoo didn’t show anything to prove him right. It was quite the contrary actually. Sunoo was all smiles and polite all through out. But Jake felt like Sunoo had no reason to be nice to him. If Jake took the tutorial thing out of the equation, Jake made no other positive impressions to Sunoo.

“Ow!” Jake glared at Jay when the latter flicked him in the forehead.

“I’m pretty sure that it’s just you who thinks that.” Jay snorted. “Sunoo is such a sweetheart. I could say that even though I only met the guy couple of times.”

“Then why—.”

“Why what?”

If Sunoo was a sweetheart then why did he ask you to be friends with him but not me? Jake wanted to say but he didn’t want to sound pettier than he already was. He shook his head and mumbled, “Nothing.”

Jay studied him for a moment. “Don’t you wanna be friends with him?” He asked.

The more important question, Jake realized, was why does it feel like he should care about being friends with Sunoo more than he should be? Why is it a big deal? Thinking about it, other than the study session, Jake could not think of any other time that he and Sunoo would be interacting with each other. It was the deal, right? It was Jake’s pay back to Sunoo for Layla situation and that should be it. Debts had been paid, move on. Sure, they might bump to each other somewhere in the university ground but that could be nothing more than a passing nod. So, what’s the point?

Suddenly, their orders arrived. Jake glanced at Jay but his focus had already shifted to the ramen bowl in front of him that he didn’t seem to mind that Jake left his question hanging. Jay never brought it up again and Jake had all the time to think about it. He had an inkling that his best friend did it in purpose.

When Jake turned in to bed, later that night, he came up with a lot of possible ways to answer Jay’s question and none of those could be interpreted as not wanting be friends with Kim Sunoo.

~0~

The next time Jake has to teach Sunoo again was on a Thursday. He had more than 24 hours to prepare and that Jake was so prepared this time around. Jake had everything that had gotten wrong from their first and second meeting in mapped in his mind as intricate as dendrites of a nerve cell. He derived an equation with the ‘things not to do with Kim Sunoo’ as series of fractional variables. He had his entire school life revolving around formulas and equations. Jake was sure to get this one right. He knew he will. It was his mission. By the end of this day, Jake will arrive to the solution to this conundrum and, once and for all, make Sunoo his friend.

However, like most untested theories and prematurely invented formulas, Jake fell victim to the most rookie mistake of forgetting the most important variable to his equation, which this case was Kim Sunoo himself.

It all started when Jake received a message from Sunoo, informing him about they will meeting in someplace else and not in the library. It should be no big deal; Jake had told himself. All he needed to do was to be there on time. Or earlier, which he did. Jake arrived 10-minutes earlier that their meeting time to a quaint little café a couple of blocks from their university. Satisfied with the time, Jake entered the place hoping to get some drinks and dessert for the two of them. As soon as the door chimed closed behind him though, Sunoo’s voice cut through the coffee and caramel aroma filled air of the café.

“Jake-ssi!” Sunoo in a black bucket hat waved him over from corner of the shop.

He’s already here? Jake’s eyes darted from Sunoo to the counter and back to Sunoo. Biting his lips, Jake made his way across the room to Sunoo. This was no big deal, Jake reminded himself. He was not late that’s all that mattered. The plan still stands, the equation was still balanced. Jake would drop off his bag then get the two of them some coffee and cake and wing it from there.

Or not

When Jake got to the table, the blueberry cheesecake and caramel macchiato on either side of the oakwood table made him paused. His mouth fell. He stared at the food, almost willing it to vanish into thin air. It’s just the food, no big deal, Jake chanted in his head. He still has his chance for the next hour or so.

“Oh! I came here a bit early so, I ordered for the two of us. If it’s not to your liking, I can get you something else.”

“No, no. It’s ok.” Jake said hurriedly, waving of his hand. “I like it. Uh, thanks.” He put down his messenger bag and sat at the chair across Sunoo. Jake almost choked on the blueberry cheesecake when he took a bite just to prove his point.

Jake could swear that he saw a glint of amusement in flashed on Sunoo’s eyes for a split second but he let the subject drop. Sunoo pulled out his statistics workbook from his backpack and put it down the table. Jake licked his lips and cleared his throat. This is his cue.

“Have you been wait—”

The words dropped from Jake’s throat back to his stomach as Sunoo take off his bucket hat. Not even 48 hours ago, Sunoo’s hair had been black. Now, it looked like the color of cotton candy Jake used to begged his parents to buy for him when they go to amusement park back when he was a little kid in Australia.

“Have I been what?” Sunoo asked, while putting on his rose-gold framed glasses.

“Your hair,” was all Jake could say.

Sunoo’s mouth formed a small ‘o’ before curving to a sheepish smile. Turning his gaze away, he gently pats a side of head as if fixing his hair even though there’s no one strand out of place. “I accompanied my friend, Ni-ki, to a hair salon to get his hair colored. I ended up getting mine done too. Does it look bad?”

Jake shook his head. “It’s just…”

“Distracting?”

“No, it’s just it suits you really well.”

“Thanks, Jake-ssi.”

Jake could have built his way up from there but he didn’t. He was not sure himself why though. He had a plan, a mind map, formula and equation. All Jake had to do was to commit to it. He was even given a lot of chances to do it by Sunoo himself between topics. After Jake explained him the basic set theory, Sunoo told him he was majoring in Chemistry. He learned that Sunoo got sick and missed statistics lectures that’s why he needed a tutor as Jake walk him through bivariate distributions. Jake learned Sunoo loves tteokbokki that he could name their brand just by the taste when Jake finished talking about the Convergence of Random Variables (in retrospect, Jake thinks it was kind of ironic). Jake even knew how Sunoo smelled like green apples when caught he caught a whiff of his cologne when he leaned in as Jake showed him how to compute variance. But every time Jake attempted to go for it, he faltered. Every time he made an eye contact with Sunoo, Jake swallowed the words back and placate himself by saying he would do it the next chance he gets.

And, spoiler alert, he didn’t.

Now, Jake stood outside the café, sun hanging low from the horizon, about to say goodbye to Kim Sunoo instead and asking himself, why? Why is it this hard to be friends with Kim Sunoo. Why is Jake making it this hard?

“Wait, I almost forgot!” Sunoo’s voice cut Jake out his thoughts. He swung his backpack from one of his shoulder and pull out a cutely wrapped box after rummaging for a minute. “Here, Jake-ssi. They’re cookies. Consider it as my thanks for patiently teaching me stat. I’ll just go over all the pointers you made during the weekend and I think I’m ready for my exam on Monday. Thank you again for making time.” Sunoo bowed.

Jake was running out of time. Sunoo was about to go and walk away like Jake thought how this should go. Nothing big. Jake paying what he owed Sunoo and both of them going to their separate ways back to their own little bubble. Jake only stood there, eyeing the box of cookies on his hand, mumbling a breathy thanks.

“I’m know you said that you’ll make sure that I ace the exam and I appreciate your confidence in me but I don’t think I can do it. That’s on me though and not you.” Sunoo laughed, his hands fiddling the straps of his back pack. “You’re really a good teacher. I may not ace the test but I’m sure that I’ll get high marks. So, thanks again Jake-ssi.”

A light breeze swept upon them filling up the silence as people pass by in intervals around them. Sunoo gave a final bow, turning away taking Jake’s last chance away with him. The alarm bells on Jake’s head started going off, screeching for him to not let his chance to slip away like it knew that it was the last one.

Instinctively, Jake’s hand shot forward and reached out to Sunoo, holding him still by the edge of this white pullover. When Sunoo wheeled back and face him, eyebrows raised, Jake retracted his hand in split second.

“Sunoo-ssi.” Jake could hear his pulse in his ears as his voice finally poured out. How could asking someone to be his friend made him more nervous than when he was asking someone out for a date. Jake released a shaky breath. “Do you want—,” to be friends? “—me to help you review it again on weekend?”

Jake cursed in his head for backing out again in the last second but he found it extra out place and borderline creepy if asked it straight out.

“I think I have a good grasp on this and I already took much of your time. I don’t want to inconvenience you anymore.”

“I don’t mind.” Jake shook his head. “I don’t have anything planned anyway.”

Sunoo seemed to think about it for a second and Jake was mentally expecting another polite refusal. “You really want me to ace the exam, huh?” Sunoo said, grinning. “Are you sure, Jake-ssi?”

“Yeah.” Jake could feel his cheeks heating up. It was not the real reason though. If he was being honest, Jake somehow enjoyed teaching Sunoo despite all his awkwardness and internal struggle. He realized he likes spending time with Sunoo even though he didn’t know how to show it to him without embarrassing himself.

“That’s so kind of you, Jake-ssi. Well, if you insist.”

“Also… Sunoo-ssi.” Jake rubbed the back of his neck. “You don’t have to give me food or pay me back with snacks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really grateful but, let me treat you next time, ok?” Jake looked at Sunoo. “Instead of giving me food, can I ask for something else?”

Sunoo didn’t say anything, only looking at Jake, waiting.

This is his chance. Jake braced himself.

“I know we started with wrong foot and I hadn’t made a great impression to you. But if you’re okay with it, can we drop the formalities with each other? I want us talk more comfortably. So, what I’m saying is, uh, can we be, uh…”

“Friends?”

“Yeah.” Jake whispered, nodding.

Sunoo tilted his head. “Is that what you’ve been meaning to say the whole time?”

“What?”

“You look like you have something to say but when I caught you looking, you always turn away. I honestly thought that my hair is distracting you.”

“No! I told you, it’s cute. You look exactly like a peach now.” Jake blurted out, cringing upon hearing how weird he sounded. He was not lying though. Sunoo already looked like a fox-eyed peach with a black hair before but with his hair color now, the resemblance became more uncanny. It’s impossible that Jake was the only one who could see it.

“Peach? Then, you got yourself a peach for friend now, Jake hyung.”

Sunoo covered his mouth with a hand, eyes vanishing into slits as he laughed and Jake heard it like a morning of spring on April, the time when cherry blossoms peak before they fall.

~0~

SUNOO - Two days Ago

The hints of chamomile wafted in the small kitchen of the apartment. Sunoo briefly closed his eyes, inhaling the scent debating if it’s subtle enough. He decided to add to drops of the essential oils in the wax pot and stirred it with silicone spatula. After a moment, he put the fire out and lifted the pot with his mitted hand. He carried the pot to the counter where the glasses with the wick he prepared beforehand waited for him fill to be filled up.

“Is that for the bootcamp you signed up for?”

Sunoo put down pot after filling up all the three glasses. He wiped his forehead with his forearms, turning around at the kitchen’s entrance.

“I thought you already got in.” Jungwon’s nose crinkled, sniffing the air. “Wow, that’s smelled so relaxing.”

“Really?”Sunoo quirked a smile, pulling out his hands out of the mitts. “It’s for Ni-ki. Heesung-hyung said the kid’s having trouble falling asleep so, I made him scented candles. Hope this helps him relax. I’ll give it to him tomorrow.”

“Hyung, that’s nice of you but you know that all you had to do is sleepover Ni-ki and Heesung hyung’s apartment and Ni-ki will be sleeping like a baby.”

“As much as I want to, you know it’s my exams week and I can’t study much when I’m over there.” Sunoo rolled his eyes. “We’ll end up playing games all night.”

Jungwon snorted but made no further rebuttal. “Are you done , hyung? Can we go now? I’m starving.”

“Where eating out again?” Sunoo sighed. “One of us should learn how to cook one of this days. Ramyeon doesn’t count.” He added, eyeing Jungwon before he could say it.

Sunoo laughed when Jungwon pouted. The two of them has been surviving by eating out or ordering takeouts or, most of the times, with instant noodles. Jungwon has a lot of skills but there are two things he sucked at. One of those was taking care of plants which was quiet ironic because his name literally meant garden. Sunoo and their other friends still ribbed him out on how even a cactus couldn’t survive under his care. The second thing was cooking. If Sunoo thinks about it though, no one in their friend group was any good at making edible food including himself. Sunoo could mix acid and bases at the right concentration, he could do walk you through the whole titration process, concoct scented candles or even make a perfume of his liking, but he could never follow even the simplest food recipe.

“So…”Jungwon said as soon as they were out of the apartment.

When Sunoo glanced at him, Jungwon has his eyes on his phone. He typed something quickly before he put his phone on his pocket.

“How did it go with Jake-hyung?”

“Oh.” Sunoo blinked. “It went fine.”

Jungwon raised an eyebrow. “Fine?”

Sunoo shrugged, nodding. “Yeah. He’s smart. I mean, really smart. Jay hyung isn’t joking when he said that Jake-ssi is a math wiz. I learned a lot from our session this afternoon.”

Jungwon studied him. He did not say anything else though. Sunoo thought that it was the end of it until they hit the street.

“Jay hyung texted me.” Jungwon said. “He said Jake hyung is having a mental breakdown because you asked Jay hyung to be friends and not him.”

Sunoo stopped walking making Jungwon to do the same. He furrowed his eyebrows. “Well, I don’t think that he’d want to be friends to the person he thinks is going to steal his dog.”

Jungwon put a hand on his shoulder, facing him, eyes wide. “You’re still holding that against him?”

“No. I’m just saying.” Sunoo averted his gaze to the street and started to walk again. “It’s kinda weird, don’t you think?”

“Why is it weird? We all know it’s a misunderstanding.”

Sunoo went silent for a minute mulling over it. “I don’t know. I guess I don’t know Jake-ssi that well.” He said.

“But you didn’t know Jay hyung much either.” Jungwon pointed out, side-eyeing him.

“You’re wrong.” Sunoo gave him a flat look. “I’m know him well enough since you’ve been talking about Jay hyung all the time.” He made a face, trying to imitate the way Jungwon looks when he would tell Sunoo something about council meetings but consisted mostly of Jay. “Jay hyung this. Jay hyung that. I even know the drinks he likes.”

“I do not talk about him all the time and especially not like that!” Jungwon instantly stopped in front of Sunoo, cheeks puffed and red. “And about the drinks, it’s because I’m usually getting the food for the council meetings.”

“Sure.”Sunoo smirked, nudging him by his shoulder. “But, you didn’t tell me about the other reps drinks, only Jay hyung.”

“Sunoo hyung!” Jungwon covered his face with his hand. “This is not about me, ok?” He sighed, pointing a finger to him. “This is about you and why you still hold a grudge against Jake hyung.”

“Isn’t grudge a bit too much?” Sunoo said, tone dry. He grabbed Jungwon on both of his shoulder. “Look, maybe we just don’t click. Just because of what happened when we met we’re suddenly obligated to be friends. We can’t force friendship. It’ll just come up.”

It was true that he got pretty upset when Jake accused him of stealing his dog by mistake but after Jungwon gave him the context of what happened that day, Sunoo understood. Jake didn’t mean it. Sunoo could not hold it against him but that didn’t mean they will be friends.

“Okay, hyung, that’s fair. But can you give Jake hyung a break just a little bit? The fact that he was ‘losing his mind’ about you befriending Jay hyung and not him meant something right?”

A little bit? Sunoo had no idea what more Jungwon want for him to do. How much more leeway he has to give Jake? Sunoo thinks he’s been nothing but considerate and amicable through out their session this afternoon. He’s been genuine too and never did anything for the sake of appearing good. There were few hitches here and there, like when Jake slept off past their agreed meeting time or when he shouted inside the library that might have gotten them kicked out, but Sunoo understood that they were not on purpose. Sunoo gets it. He actually found the whole thing hilarious. What he couldn’t fathom was why out of all the things that he did, it was the one that he didn’t do that made Jake, to quote Jungwon’s word, ‘lose his mind’.

“Fine.” Sunoo relented to get Jungwon off his case. With how Jungwon studied his face, Sunoo knew he would not let him off the hook if he said anything else. For good measure, Sunoo suddenly ruffled Jungwon’s hair and said, “Race you to the tteokbokki place!”, before darting off.

Jungwon groaned but Sunoo could hear his steps not far behind.

Was it really a big deal when he didn’t ask Jake to be his friend? Sunoo thought to himself as he run. He had no idea why he didn’t ask either. There was one thing Sunoo knew though — it’s not because he didn’t want to.

~0~

Chapter Text

~0~

JAKE

There were three things Jake learned in succession after being friends with Kim Sunoo.

The first one, Jake learned right after parting ways with Sunoo at the café, was that Jay, was right. The thoughts of Sunoo seeing him like this strange guy who kept saying the wrong things in the wrong time, Sunoo thinking of him like some irresponsible pet owner who has a habit of sleeping off some random places, Sunoo not liking him enough — it was all in Jake’s head. It was an image Jake created for himself after the series of bad impressions he made to Sunoo beginning from the night they first met. Even though he had no proof that those those thoughts never crossed Sunoo’s mind, Jake knew if it was even remotely true, he wouldn’t be friends with Sunoo now. Jake wouldn’t be bouncing off his feet all the way back to his apartment with a borderline-manic grin plastered on his face. Jay even asked him if he entered his mad scientist phase when he saw him and that it would be weirdest origin story after Jake told him what happened.

The second one smacked Jake flat on the face that he wondered why he didn’t realize it soon enough. It happened on the weekend they planned to have one last review for stat. In hindsight, Jake should have seen this coming from miles away from how Sunoo religiously commit to have their stomach filled with food in every start of their session or how he always give Jake dessert or snack at the end. Sunoo even told him that he was not someone to shy away from food (especially if its free) during the Layla incident and recently, from last session Sunoo boasted on how he can name tteokbokki’s brand by taste alone. Jake was more surprised that it surprised him to realize that Sunoo loves to eat.

Although more than the epiphany of Sunoo’s love for food, Jake was amazed how Sunoo know a lot of restaurants that were hidden in plain sight. Jake has been in Korea for almost a decade now and has been staying at Seoul as long that Jake knew the popular places and the less so, particularly if it’s anywhere near the university. But now, Jake had already been in two that he would never in if it weren’t for Sunoo.

“How do you know this place?” Jake scanned the interior of the 80’s-themed burger joint two stops away from the university with first timer curiosity.

Sunoo lowered the menu he was holding. “Jungwon and I sucked at cooking so we eat out all the time.” He said after following Jake’s gaze.

Jake took a moment to process what Sunoo said. The new information both made a whole lot sense and didn’t make sense at the same time.

“If you wanted to learn how to cook, you should ask Jay. He’s very good at it. I’m sure that if he’s not in business course he’ll be taking culinary arts.” Jake suggested, forgoing the juxtaposition of Sunoo’s love for eating and food to his inability to cook.

“Really? That’s odd.” Sunoo eyebrows went up.

“Jay knowing how to cook?”

“No. I know a lot of stuffs about Jay hyung because Wonie talks about him all the time but I never heard about his cooking skills yet.”

“Oh.” What about be me? Did Jungwon tell you about me too? Do you know stuffs about me? A huge part of Jake already knew the answer but he still hoped he was wrong. “I see.” He said trying to sound nonchalant.

“What about you?” Sunoo asked.

“What?” Jake almost doubled over.

“Are you also good at cooking, hyung?”

“I know some dishes but I’m not on Jay’s level.” Jake sighed. For a second, he feared that Sunoo heard his thoughts or Jake said it out loud.

“I haven’t tried Jay hyung’s so, I’ll be the judge of that Jake hyung.” Sunoo smiled, winking at him.

Jake knew that if it came to that, Jay will still be the better cook between the two of them. Sunoo probably knew that too, but it felt nice that Sunoo still gave Jake the benefit of the doubt with a cute wink to boot. More than that though, Jake chest buzzed with the thought of Sunoo wanting to get to know him. Jake didn’t want to grin but he could not fight it down.

Jake dropped his gaze and pretend to focus on the menu card on the table.

“Shouldn’t you be the one good at that Sunoo-ya? I mean chemistry lab experiments are all about following instructions and accurate measurements.” Jake said at length. “That’s cooking recipe in a nutshell.”

“Mixing chemicals is not the same as cooking, hyung.”

Jake’s forhead creased. “Their kinda similar, though. You’ll just have to use actual edible ingredients instead of sodium hydroxide or hydrochloric acid.”

“They’re different since you cannot eat those!” Sunoo said indignantly.

Jake blinked. A moment of silence passed.

“Ok, they might be similar but the expertise on those two are not mutually exclusive.” Sunoo sighed, pouting.

Jake snorted, not wanting to burst in laughter at Sunoo’s flushed face.

“You don’t have to hold it back, but let’s see what will happen when I tried the food you make and it turned out that you’re worse than me.” Sunoo pulled the menu card in front of him, high enough that Jake could only see Sunoo’s fox eyes. “Just laughed Jake hyung.” He said

So, Jake did.

After some more teasing and giggling, they still managed to pick their orders somehow, or in Jake’s case, copying Sunoo’s order. They started going over the topics they discussed before as they wait for the food and still went on even when their burgers and drinks arrived, only pausing to take a bite or sip their milkshakes. It felt natural and easy even though it was only their third time doing this with Jake being a nervous wreck in the first two. Jake had no idea how they fell into that rhythm like they have been doing it for a long time. Long time? The idea sounds nice. Jake wouldn’t mind if they do it for a long time.

“You have to consider that the number of outcomes will change the next time you pull out a ball from the box.” Jake reminded Sunoo as he watched him worked on the sample probability problems.

“Oh, right!” Sunoo crossed out some of the numbers in his solution and put the correct values in place. He grinned at Jake when the number displayed in the calculator screen matches the expected answer. “You’re really great at this, Jake hyung.”

“Math and science subjects are my forte so, if you need any help from anything related to those, hit me up. I’m pretty average in everything else.”

Sunoo put down his pen, eyes focusing at Jake in curiousity. “Is that why your taking physics? Hitting two birds in one stone?”

“It’s one of the reason. But I really had a hard time deciding if I’m going to pursue it because I like a lot of things.” Jake took a sip from his now half empty glass of strawberry milkshake and leaned back at his seat.

Jake went on telling Sunoo how we wanted to try a lot things when he started going to school. He likes soccer, basketball and baseball growing up and until now that he seriously considered going for Sports Science instead. Jake also told him that he played in a high school orchestra before. He also likes singing that at one point Jake wanted to do music instead.

“But I always come back to those two subject like it’s comfort and it just felt right. I like solving math problems and understanding science theories.” Jake paused, as if mulling getting lost with how much he wanted to say. It has been so long since someone asked him why he chose to do a physics course instead that he wasn’t sure how to explain it. “It’s actually weird to relate a subjective word like passion to an objective field like physics but I'm so drawn to it, like I naturally gravitate towards it, even though its so hard and complex. There’s still so much to prove and there’s still to much to know and to discover. How strange the world at atomic scale and what secrets do black holes hide beneath its horizon. I wanted to know. It’s the inner child in me that wanted to know how things work. You know, the why and how of things. Sometimes, I feel like I never outgrown that astronaut dream phase that every child has. I—”

Jake cut himself off mid sentence, glancing at Sunoo who was watching him an expression he could not name. Sunoo blinked it off, when he realized Jake stopped talking was staring at him. Sunoo’s eyes lit up again with the bright luster it always has. Jake thought if he had imagined that.

“Sorry for boring you with this nerd stuffs.” Jake rubbed the back of his neck, looking away sheepishly. “But yeah… that’s the other reason if that makes sense.”

“They do and they’re not boring nerd stuffs, hyung. It’s your passion.” Sunoo’s voice was low and softer than usual over the now empty burger trays, half-full glasses of milkshakes and papers strewn over the table between them. Sunoo picked up his pen and moved the next practice problem on his workbook with a small smile on his lips. Without looking up, he added. “You should’ve seen the look on your face when you talk about it.”

“Thanks, Sunoo-ya.” Jake said under his breath. His gaze flickered back to the boy in front of him, noting how Sunoo’s rose pink hair would lightly brushed over his forehead or how he scrunched his nose when he’s trying to focus.

If Jake did see himself, will he see the same thing as Sunoo? He wondered.

By the time that they wrapped up the review and left the burger joint, their afternoon shadow have stretched far in the pavement as they walk in silence. This was by far the least dramatic and the most successful meeting Jake had with Sunoo. No slip ups, hiccups or cringe inducing moments from Jake’s part (not to level he had before with Sunoo at least). He even paid for their food today even though Sunoo bargained to at least split the bill. Jake was not having it this time, enough for him to play ‘the hyung’ card which he never really cared about. Jake was pleased with how this worked out, but at the same time he also has a mixed feelings that this was their last one.

Jake ran his hand through his hair, looking at Sunoo from the corner of his eyes. What will happen now? Will they still talk or hang out after this? Jake supposed that they should be able to do that since they were already friends. Right?

The answer Jake got came in with a small paper bag whose corners were creased from being inside a backpack thrusted in front of him.

“Here, Jake hyung.” Sunoo said.

The two of them stopped at the side of the street. Jake furrowed his eyebrows, gaze darting from the bag to Sunoo.

“It’s not food, don’t worry.” Sunoo clarified, smiling. “It’s scented candles.”

Jake took the bag. Inside were two transparent glasses of pale yellow candles. He picked up one and pull it to his nose. It has a faint smell of herb and late afternoon tea.

“You made this?”

“Yeah.” Sunoo looked shy for a moment. “I made a few for my friend Ni-ki to help him sleep. I have few extra more so, I thought giving them to you. I hope you’re not sensitive to smells.”

This was the second time Sunoo mentioned his friend Niki. The same person who convinced Sunoo to color his hair pink. Now Sunoo even made scented candles for him. They must be really close. A small voice in Jake’s wanted to know what it felt like to have that kind of privelege, to be close to Sunoo like that.

Jake banished the thoughts to the back of his mind by sniffing the candle again, trying to know the particular smell.

“It’s chamomile.” Sunoo told him.

“Oh! That’s why it smells like tea.” Jake put the candle back into the bag. He was about to thank Sunoo when a thought came to him. “Hang on, is this why you’re taking chemistry then?”

Sunoo nodded looking down at his feet. “I want to be a perfumer.”

“No wonder you always smells nice.”

The two of them shared eye contact for a moment.

“Sorry, that came out weird.” Jake said quickly and turned away. It’s true though , he thought.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, hyung.” Sunoo giggled.

“I like the smell. The candle, I mean.”

Sunoo glanced at the street ahead where street lights were starting to spark into existence. He didn’t say anything for a second, staring at a distance with lips upturned.

“Thanks, hyung. I don’t have a noble pursuit like you nor I think I’m a natural at what I like to do. But I’m trying.” Sunoo said, his voice came in calm against the storm in his eyes. “And I’ll keep trying.”

It was the same look Jake saw just a while ago.

“I… I’ll use it well, Sunoo-ya.”

When Sunoo finally looked back at him, whatever were in his eyes were gone but Jake knew he didn’t imagine it this time.

~0~

The third thing Jake realized about Kim Sunoo didn’t clocked him as fast as the first one or sucker punched him in the face like the second one. The third one crept in, slow and smooth, like a hand ruffling Jake’s hair with fondness. It happened the week after being friends with Sunoo.

Jake was on a hunt of an old science journal issue on gravitational waves when he spotted Sunoo coming down with bunch of books from the direction of the library. He jogged towards unsuspecting Sunoo with a big smile on his face.

“Sunoo-ya!” Jake called as he neared Sunoo.

Sunoo’s head perked up, looking at Jake’s general direction. Before Sunoo could say anything, Jake raised his fist in front of him. Jake waited for Sunoo to bump fist with him but Sunoo only gaped, raising an eyebrow at Jake and his fist.

“It’s a fist bump, Sunoo-ya.” Jake explained, shrinking a little.

Sunoo’s eyes widen and lightly tapped his fist to Jake’s.

“Is that how you greet everyone, hyung?” Sunoo asked.

“Sorry. Habit.” Jake scratched the back of his head. “I played a lot of team sports and that’s how players greet each other.”

“Oh, got it, hyung. I won’t let you hanging next time.” Sunoo winked.

Jake’s cheeks heat up but seeing Sunoo smile because of him seemed a good trade to Jake. He liked seeing Sunoo smile because it reminded him of summer sun, warm and radiant that make you want to smile too. The good thing was that Sunoo wore his smiles like a second skin and it wouldn’t take much to make him throw his head back in laughter either. Jake has enough sample size during for the past week to make statistical analysis with. Not that Jake was counting, he just happened to observed them to make a reasonable assumption. A well-founded one at that.

Maybe Jake should test his hypothesis then.

“Say Sunoo-ya, do you know what did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?” Jake suddenly asked.

Sunoo paused, narrowing his eyes at Jake in bewilderment.

Jake bit his lips holding the joke’s punchline in the tip of his tongue.

“HeHe?” Sunoo tilted his head and scrunched his face.

Jake deflated. “You’re no fun.”

Amusement filled Sunoo’s eyes, clutching the books he was holding to his chest. “Jay hyung is really saying the truth about you.”

“What did Park Jongseong say? Don’t listen to that old man.”

“He said you like to do this kind of jokes and you think your jokes are funny.”

Jake crossed his arms. “To the right audience, they are.”

“Hyung, you told me that joke because you know I’ll get it.” Sunoo pointed out.

“Yes, but you’re supposed to play along.” Jake groused, looking away. Maybe he made the assumption too early.

Or maybe not. Because, not a few seconds later, Jake heard giggling.

“Are you making fun of me?”

Instead of answering, Sunoo bursted out a full blown laughter, body shaking that he almost dropped the books he was holding. Sunoo’s eyes were brighter than before now there were tears of joy refracting the lights. Jake stood there in awe, an invisible force tugging the corner of his lips into a wide grin. Jake could listen to Sunoo’s laughter and never get tired of it like how he would listen Mozart’s Sonata no. 17 in C when he was having a bad day.

Sunoo calmed down after a while and met Jake’s gaze. “No. I’m saying that you don’t need jokes, hyung. The jokes need you.”

At this point Jake knew he was right. No one could tell him otherwise that Sunoo doesn’t love to smile and laugh. Jake could even argue that Sunoo was synanomous to those words. It was how you would imagine Sunoo when you think of him, all bright smile and infectious laughter. It could be the same reason it wasn’t as dramatic as the first two things Jake learned about Kim Sunoo, no big surprises or proverbial light bulb lighting up, because they were naturally embedded to Sunoo’s nature. They were always there and Jake already knew it before he realized the fact itself.

“So, where are you headed to, hyung?” Sunoo asked.

“Library. I’m looking for a science journal for my assignment.” Jake glanced at the books Sunoo were holding. “I thought you finished your exams?”

“Ah,” Sunoo followed Jake’s gaze, “these are for a bootcamp I’m going next weekend.”

“That’s a lot.”

“Yeah. I had to work my way just get in so, I wanted to make most out it.”

Jake grinned at him, patting Sunoo on his shoulder. “I’m sure you will with how much you’re preparing.”

Sunoo didn’t say anything for a moment. He fidgeted on his position and lowered his gaze. “I want to be like you, hyung.” Sunoo under his breath. His hands clasped the book tighter before he looked up, beaming. “I know you put a lot of effort to be the best in what you love to do. Right now, I’m not really good in what I want to do. That’s why I’m doing this.”

Jake didn’t know what to say. He stared at Sunoo mouth hanging open.

“You’re touched aren’t you, hyung?” Sunoo nudged him by his shoulder.

“I…” Jake managed to croak out but no other words follow. He was certain that he has something to say but he could not process it at the moment. He stood there lost for words.

“I have a class in ten minutes.” Sunoo said, looking at his wrist watch. “Text me if you can think of an answer, hyung.” He chuckled before darting off past Jake.

Sunoo was already few steps away from Jake when he finally regained his voice.

“Sunoo-ya!” Jake wheeled back and called after Sunoo. “If you need any help you can call me anytime.” He said when Sunoo halted and glanced back at him.

“Hope you don’t regret saying that, Jake hyung. See you around.” Sunoo waved at Jake before walking briskly down the hallway.

Jake didn’t think he would regret it. Not even a bit. It was quite the opposite actually. Jake would welcome it with open arms because Kim Sunoo was a lot of things and Jake wanted to know more about him. Jake wanted to know more than just three things, more than five or ten things, and somehow Jake thought, as he stared at Sunoo’s figure at a distance, he thought of memorizing them all.

~0~

True to his words, Sunoo reached out to Jake for help. Jake had received bunch of messages from Sunoo asking about some concept that confuses him at random times during the day. There were times Sunoo would asked Jake when they have lunch together with Jay and Jungwon or if they happened to bump to each other at the library. Jake was more than willing to help. In fact, Jake looked forward to those since it gave him excuse to talk to Sunoo more. But what Jake liked the most were the times Sunoo would video call Jake at night and see each other over the phone screen especially how their conversation stray off-topic and end up with Sunoo telling him about the scents he wanted to try next or Jake showing Layla to Sunoo or the video games they wanted to play. They would talk for hours that Jake would hear Jungwon’s voice in the background telling the two of them to drop the call and let him sleep in peace. Jake enjoyed those moments more than he thought he would.

Still, nothing beats spending time with Sunoo in person. . That’s why when Jake received a call from Sunoo, asking him for help on spectroscopy and if they could meet after school, Jake agreed right away. This was going to be a beautiful day like when they went out for ice cream few days ago

Jake bounced on his feet as he jogged to the building where Sunoo’s last lecture of the day, according to Jungwon, was supposed to be. He got there just in time the students spilled out of the lecture hall. Jake waited to for a familiar pink head to burst through the door but crowd thinned out and Sunoo was nowhere in sight. Did he missed Sunoo? Is he in the right building? Jake checked his phone but there were no new message notification on the screen. After few minutes of waiting, Jake decided to look for Sunoo inside. Upon nearing the threshold of the lecture hall’s door, Jake spotted Sunoo’s pink hair, his back was facing Jake. He was about to call Sunoo but froze midway when he noticed Sunoo was talking to someone.

“But… but I worked hard to earn my spot on that boot camp.” Sunoo said.

The other person who Jake could tell was a TA, sighed heavily. “I know, Sunoo-ssi but some of the seniors needed this as part of their graduation requirements. We have to reprioritize and gave some of the slots to them and it happened that yours is included.”

“What about me?” Sunoo’s voice trembled. “Does the professor know this?”

“It was his idea, actually. Listen, you’re still a junior. You still have a chance next year. Can you let this one go to help your seniors of your major? We’re really in a pinch right now.”

Jake’s throat tightened. He was not supposed to hear this. This was not supposed to happen. Jake wanted to step back and left them for a while but a thick foam of anger bubbling on his chest kept his feet in place. The voice in Jake’s head was screaming for him to grab Sunoo and covered his ears as he saw Sunoo’s hands balled into fist. Jake tried not to notice that his own were curled as tightly.

“I— ok.” Sunoo mumbled after a passing silence, his hand loosening.

“Thank you for being understanding, Sunoo-ssi. The talk about you being the nicest student of your batch is actually true.” The TA gathered the folder in the podium and left. He eyed Jake in confusion as he passed by him but did not say anything else.

Sunoo stood there, unmoving, looking down at his feet. With a long exhale, he finally turned around. Sunoo’s fox eyes widen for a fraction of a second when his gaze met Jake’s before immediately disappearing into slits.

“Hello, Jake-hyung.” Sunoo said, voice hoarse.

Jake felt his chest constricted, staring at Sunoo and his signature, ever so bright eye smile even with all the tears streaming down his face.

~0~

SUNOO - Few days ago

As soon as Sunoo saw the familiar thick bob of black hair on the bench by the field, Sunoo sprinted towards it, heart pounding with excitement. With a flurry of wind, fabric and canvass backpack, Sunoo flopped down at the unoccuppied half of the bench. Jake, who was scrolling on his phone, bolted upright, gasping at Sunoo with shock on his face.

“I got an A, hyung! I got an A!” Sunoo announced in delight. He flashed the hastily taken picture of his statistic exam paper on his phone to Jake. If he wasn’t overwhelmed with exhilaration of wanting to share the news about his grade, Sunoo would have laughed at the comical expression on Jake’s face.

Jake looked like he was still processing the whole ordeal. At length, his gaze connect to Sunoo before he leaned in to take closer view of picture. Jake furrowed his eyebrows that Sunoo wondered if the photo he took was even illegible in the first place.

“Oh… Oh!” Jake’s confused face slowly broke into pleasant surprise as soon as he realized what he was looking at. “Congrats Sunoo-ya!” He grinned.

Sunoo put his phone down and adjusted his sitting position on the bench. His eyes flickered to Jake before he said, “Sorry it’s not A+.”

Sunoo tried his best to ace the exam. He kept remembering on how Jake vowed he will make sure Sunoo will get the highest mark on it. After being friends with Jake, Sunoo took it in himself to fulfill his part of the bargain because he knew Jake really did his best on teaching him and Sunoo wanted to return the favor. But he still came out a little short.

“What are you sorry for? You got an A with the very short time you had, Sunoo-ya. You did great!”

When Sunoo glanced at Jake, he has his hand in a thumbs up and a proud look on his face.

Sunoo could feel his face heating up. He didn’t say anything for a while and stirred his gaze at the orange skyline on the horizon.

“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?”

Without looking, Sunoo knew they were looking at the same thing.

“Should we celebrate this day then, hyung?” Sunoo asked.

Celebrations in Kim Sunoo's fashion always involved ice cream. That’s why they found themselves in one of ice parlors near the campus.

“I know everyone has their own unique taste, Sunoo-ya. But mint-choco is where I draw the line.” Jake grimaced. “It’s not even a flavor, it’s just toothpaste. Why would you eat something like that.”

Sunoo rolled his eyes. He was expecting this reaction but a small voice on the back of his head hoped Jake would turned out to be a mint-choco enthusiast like him. But it turned out he would still remain the sole mint-choco advocate in his close group of friends.

“Tell me something I haven’t heard before, hyung. And you’re the one to talk, you ordered vanilla. Out of all the flavors, really? That tells me everything I need to know.”

Jake gaped at him. “Hey! Vanilla is classic. Mint-choco is nothing compared to it.”

“You’re just too ‘vanilla’ to try it.” Sunoo stuck his tongue out before scooping a spoonful of mint-choco ice cream. Sunoo still had no idea why many people love to hate his favorite flavor.

“What do you mean by that?” Jake looked at him incredulously, putting down his cup of vanilla swirlies. “Are you saying that I’m boring?”

“I’m saying that you’re classic, hyung.” Sunoo smirked.

Jake narrowed his eyes at Sunoo but before he could retort, they were interrupted by the sudden arrival of Jungwon and Jay.

“Why are you guys being so loud?” Jungwon glanced between Sunoo and Jake.

“Jay-ya, Jungwonie, what are you doing here?”

“Why are you so surprised, Jake?” Jay answered as he pulled the chair beside Sunoo and gesturing Jungwon to sit there. He moved over to across the table and took his place between Jake and Jungwon. “Sunoo invited us too.”

Sunoo watched the exchange in confusion, something passed between the Jay and Jake but he had no idea what it was. He turned to Jungwon but his friend only smile with a knowing glint on his eyes. Sunoo became more confused when he found Jay with a smug look on his face while Jake was looking down at his ice cream, his cheeks with the same color as Sunoo’s hair.

“So, what’s going on?” Jungwon asked again.

“Sunoo’s favorite flavor is mint-choco.”

Jay looked disgusted. “You’re eating toothpaste?”

“See? No one likes it.” Jake crossed his arms.

“I like it. You guys are just, to use your Jake hyung’s word, ‘too classical’ for it.” Sunoo said, air-quoting the words ‘too classical’ for emphasis.

“He’s saying that we’re boring.” Jake explained to Jay when didn’t get the implication.

“Give it up, Jay hyung, Jake hyung.” Jungwon leaned back to his chair, sighing. “I’ve been preaching up about it Sunoo hyung for years. His love for Mint-choco has stood the test of time. You can’t break them up.”

Sunoo shoots Jungwon a grateful smile before turning to Jay. “I already know Wonie’s flavor, what about you, Jay hyung?”

“I like pistachio.”

“Ok, I’ll order for you two.” Sunoo nodded.

“Sunoo-hyung, I want to try other flavor this time.” Jungwon piped up as Sunoo was getting out his chair. “I’ll get what Jay hyung is getting too.”

Sunoo paused for a moment, staring at Jungwon. He debated on teasing him about it but decided to push for later when they were back in the apartment. Instead, Sunoo asked them if they wanted anything else to which the both of them politely said no. Sunoo extracted himself from the group but he wasn’t even few steps away when Jake appeared on his side.

“I’ll go with you, Sunoo-ya.” Jake said. “I’m getting another one too.”

“Why? I thought vanilla is a timeless classic.”

Jake regarded him drily. “They don’t have my favorite flavor here, ok?”

“Wanna try mint-choco then?”

“Sure, later when I brush my teeth.”

Sunoo snorted and nudging Jake playfully at his side. They continued on teasing each other until they fall in line to the counter. At one point, Sunoo caught himself looking back at their table where Jungwon and Jay talking animatedly before it shifted to Jake who was behind him on the line.

‘What?’ Jake mouthed when he noticed him staring.

Sunoo shook his head and said nothing even though he was thinking about what Jake said when they were on the bench, looking at the sky.

It really is a beautiful day , Sunoo thought, in more ways than one .

Chapter Text

~0~

JAKE

Sun shower — that’s how Jake would describe seeing Sunoo cry in an empty lecture hall that October afternoon. In meteorology, it was an atmospheric phenomenon in which rain falls while the sun was still out shining. They said it could be quite rare given the unpredictability of weather conditions. Jake could count the number of times he had seen sun showers in his life in both of his hands so, it’s probably true. Should he put one finger up and count this one too?

In Korea, they called sun shower ‘fox rain’, based from a legend of a cloud who loves a fox. But the fox runaway and got married to a tiger. The cloud could not bear witness the marriage from above the sky that it hid behind the sun and wept the lost of its love. Jake has never been interested in folklores or literature but he knew this from Jay who was cornucopia of general information and obscure knowledge. He didn’t know how the whole story goes, but from the gist of the tale, sun showers were created out of grief. The lost of the someone or something that you loved or wanted the most. Sun showers were mesmerizing but they symbolized nothing but sadness if it was for the legend.

But why did the fox runaway with the tiger? Did the fox cried during the wedding? Was it out of happiness or out of regret? Was Sunoo the fox or the cloud or the sun?

Sun showers were the perfect recipe for a rainbow to arched over the sky, thousand of raindrops will be the prism that refract the sun rays to its components wavelengths — the colors that we see. Was there a rainbow when tears cascaded from the cloud?

The rainbow, was it Sunoo’s smile?

Jake didn’t know why he was thinking all this things. Sunoo was standing there, a few steps away, trying hard not to shake and sob, trying hard to keep the smile of his face. Jake hated himself for thinking, for an impulse, how Sunoo still looked breathtaking. But what Jake despised more was his inability to think or do anything at the very moment. He knew he had comfort Sunoo yet he didn’t know how. Jake couldn’t remember the last time he comforted someone. Was it his brother, when he didn’t make it to his dream university? Was it Jay, when he learned he would get home schooled and couldn’t go to same middle school as Jake? What did he do at that time?

And if Jake was in Sunoo’s position, what would he want to hear? Jake couldn’t remember the last time he cried too. But whenever Jake would feel down or sad or stressed out, Jay would cook ramyeon for him and call his brother to talk to him. Layla would be there for Jake too. What about Sunoo? Jungwon would know what to do, Jake had no doubt. Jungwon always has a solution for everything. He bet Sunoo’s friend Ni-ki would know as well. Should Jake call them?

What about him? What could he do?

They stood there staring at each other for a minute or so, maybe more, Jake wasn’t sure. Times slowed in the room like they were swimming through molasses, like it was bent by a strong gravity. Although, the same gravity pulled Jake towards Sunoo to a distance close enough that Jake could hear the sobs that slipped off Sunoo’s throat.

Jake put his hand on Sunoo’s shoulder, squeezing it. Sunoo choked down another desperate sob he wanted to mask with a chuckle, aggressively wiping the tears on his cheeks with the back of his hands. He couldn’t hold it anymore though. It all came down, all at once.

While Sunoo trembled and grappled trying to stop himself for crying, Jake still could not think of anything to say that would make this any better. Words failed Jake. Everything sounded stupid in his head.

Jake kept quiet, jaw clenched but his hand never left Sunoo’s shoulder until he couldn’t feel him shaking anymore.

Sunoo sniffed, wiping the last stray tear on his cheek. He cleared his throat, glancing at Jake with glassy eyes.

“Rain check, hyung?” Sunoo’s voice strained against the silence.

Something passed between them and Sunoo quirked a knowing smile. Sunoo put his hand over Jake’s hand on his shoulder. He squeezed it back and gently put it down.

Jake understood. He didn’t protest or said anything even he if wanted to. Jake watched Sunoo go.

“Jake hyung, thank you.” Sunoo said without looking back. “For not saying anything.”

Sunoo’s foot falls echoed like a haunting orchestra in the empty hall before it was gone.

~0~

Jake didn’t see Sunoo in the next two days after the incident, not in their college’s building or the benches by the field or the library. No familiar pink hair entered Jake’s field of vision in the hallways or campus ground or the cafeteria in past days. Even Jungwon made himself scarce during their lunch so Jake had no way to ask about Sunoo. Jake’s messages to Sunoo were all left unread as well.

Jake was starting to get worried.

He scanned the cafeteria for the fifth time but there were still no signs of peach head. Jake shifted his gaze on the food they ordered which remained untouched in front of them. He turned to Jay. “Will Jungwon join us today?”

“Yeah. Why are you asking?” Jay threw him a quick glance over his phone. Probably texting Jungwon.

Jake shrugged. “Well, uh, I’m asking since you two are always together nowadays.”

“We’re working on some student council stuffs.” Jay put his phone in his pocket and looked up. “There’s a lot of events coming up.”

“There must be a cooking event then? That’s the only reason why your teaching Jungwon how to cook in your apartment for the past days, right?”

Jay’s gaped at him. He closed and opened it a few times, face heating up. “That’s… thats… I’m just helping a fellow student some college survival trick.” He stammered.

“A survival trick that you didn’t care enough to teach your own best friend which is also a college student. Sure.” Jake crossed his arms, smirking. It was always so easy teasing Jay. He wasn’t sure why other students found his best friend intimidating when all you had to do was to mention Jungwon and he will be a blubbering mess.

Jay flared up. “Ya! You can take care of your own ass. Shut up!”

Jake was laughing when Jungwon appeared.

Jungwon’s eyes shifted between Jake and Jay as he slipped on to one of the empty chair beside Jay. “Why is Jay-hyung’s about to pop out like a red balloon.”

“Oh, we’re just talking about —”

“Nothing!” Jay cut him off with a glare. Looking back at Jungwon, he asked, “Sunoo’s not coming?”

Something passed Jungwon’s face in split second when his gaze met Jake’s that Jake almost missed it.

“He’s not.” Jungwon said.

“Heard that Jake.” Jay sneered at him. “No need to strain your neck looking around the cafeteria.”

Jake narrowed his eyes at his best friend.

“Do you need something from Sunoo-hyung?” Jungwon asked Jake before he could retaliate at Jay.

Jake ducked and focused on the pasta in front of him. “Just wondering. I didn’t see him much these days.”

“Dude, you and Sunoo are in the same college.” Jay pointed out. “Shouldn’t you see him more than any of us.”

Jake thought of that too but excluding the last time where Jake intentionally went to Sunoo’s lecture hall, Jake never bumped into Sunoo in their college building. For the past two days, Jake thought Sunoo might be avoiding him but he realized even before then, Jake never crossed path with Sunoo in their building. He only saw Sunoo at the library or cafeteria even though they shared the same building and hallways.

“If you want to see Sunoo hyung, you should look for him at performing arts hall. He usually kills his time between classes there.” Jungwon eased on his seat.

Jake shot Jungwon a puzzled a look. “Why would he be there?”

“Ni-ki’s there,” was Jungwon’s simple answer as if it explained everything.

Something stirred inside Jake upon hearing the name Ni-ki again. Althought a part of him was relieved that Sunoo has someone with him, the other part Jake had no idea what to name it.

“Ni-ki?”

Jungwon averted his gaze at Jay with a teasing smile. “Hyung, remember during the general assembly. He’s the tall freshman of school’s dance team who called you a little short for a senior.”

“That brat?” Jay scoffed.

“Yeah, he’s our friend Ni-ki. He’s a dance major.” Jungwon explained. He turned to Jake. “You’ll have high chance seeing Sunoo hyung there.”

Jake nodded absently. Jungwon stared at him a little longer as if he wanted to say something more but dismissed it the last second before starting a conversation with Jay about upcoming events. With a muted sigh, he thinks about the information he got from Jungwon, wondering if the latter mentioned it with intention.

Jake’s deep thought was interrupted by Jay who abruptly shoots up and told them that he’ll go get Jungwon his lunch and will be back shortly. He gave Jay a pointed look but his best friend paid him no mind and went on his way.

“Jay must be really fond of you.” Jake said when Jay was out of earshot.

“I’m fond of Jay hyung too.” Jungwon grinned at him without batting an eye.

Jake gaped at Jungwon not expecting him to be this straight forward.

“Jake hyung. Don’t worry much about Sunoo hyung.” Jungwon said after while, his wide grin regressing into a small enigmatic smile like he could read Jake’s thought. “He might seemed soft and all but he’s stronger than what he let on.”

~0~

Later that day, Jake found himself in front of the performing arts building. The enormous modern architecture made of glass and steel casted a looming shadow against the afternoon sun in its vicinity. He stood by the entrance, fiddling the strap of his messenger bag, still undecided if he was going to enter and to try his luck on finding Sunoo inside as Jungwon suggested during lunch. For starters, the building was huge and Jake had no idea were to look and even then, there’s the possibility that Sunoo wasn’t even there in the first place.

Kicking an imaginary stone on the ground, Jake sighed, pushing back his hair with his hand. His eyes automatically darting at the entrance every time the sliding door skid open, hoping to spot Sunoo’s pink hair. But fifteen minutes went over and Sunoo was still nowhere in sight. Maybe Sunoo wasn’t there now, Jake thought morosely. He wondered if he should call Jungwon and ask but quickly brushed off the idea. Jake didn’t want Jungwon to think he was needy when Jungwon already told him that he didn’t need to worry about Sunoo. Maybe Jake should just take Jungwon’s word for it. Still, a big part of Jake wanted to at least see Sunoo not that he didn’t trust Jungwon but to appease his mind that has been distraught for the past days and to erase the broken image of Sunoo in his head.

Another five minutes go by and Jake’s hope of seeing Sunoo that day began to dwindle. He hang his head low and adjusted the bag on his shoulder, getting ready to leave. It was for the best, Jake told himself. Even if he get a chance see and talk to Sunoo, what would Jake even say to him? How are you? Are you okay? Those questions still sounds dumb in his head and those were all Jake could think.

With a disappointed sigh, Jake tossed a one last look at the automatic door. He was about to turn away when it slides open and Sunoo stepped out of the building.

Jake halted midstep, blinking a few times to make sure that the person was really Sunoo, not some illusion that his mind conjured. He swiveled himself fully towards the entrance and stared at Sunoo; the round edges of his face; his thin lips; the strands of pink hair now long enough to fall over his fox eyes like velvet curtains.

Sunoo turned his heaad at his general direction, stopping at his tracks when he finally noticed Jake.

“Jake hyung?”

Snapping out of his trance, Jake jogged towards Sunoo. “Jungwon said I might find you here.”

“Yeah, I always visit Ni-Ki.” Sunoo told him. As Sunoo gestured at building behind them, a group of student emerged out of the door and both of them stepped out of the way to let them pass. “He’s still a freshman so he has a different schedule from me and Jungwon. He might looked tall and standoff-ish and could take care of his own but don’t let that fool you, he’s still a baby inside.” Sunoo went on with an impish look on his face.

“He sounds very interesting.” Jake said, cracking a smile. “I’d like to meet him and be friends with him.”

Jake meant it. He really do. Hearing about Jungwon and Sunoo’s friend Ni-ki multiple times piqued Jake’s curiosity, enough for him to wonder what kind of person this Ni-ki was. Jake wanted know how did he become friends with Sunoo. Or how close he was with Sunoo. Even though from the snippets of conversation Ni-ki were mentioned and the fact Sunoo look out for him to spend time in his building, Jake already had an inkling that they tight, a different kind of closeness compared to what Sunoo and Jungwon has. Maybe if he got to know Ni-ki, Jake would know how to have that kind of bond with Sunoo.

“I’ll introduce you to him one day, hyung. You guys will surely hit it off.” Sunoo promised with a fraction of a smile. “He likes games and sports as much as you do, hyung.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Sunoo paused for a second, shifting his gaze at the surroundings before it fell back to Jake.

“So… why are you looking for me, hyung?” Sunoo asked. “Do you need anything?”

Realization hit Jake. For a moment, Jake forgot about what he came here for. For a moment, the image of Sunoo crying slipped off of his mind because from that short exchange, everything felt normal, like it never happened. Sunoo seemed fine and looked fine. Did he moved past the incident already? How could he forget that easily when the memory of it hardly left Jake’s mind?

Jake bit his lips, not sure how to answer or how to start.

“Wanna talk over there?” Sunoo suggested, peeking over his shoulder.

Not far away behind him were wooden benches at the side of the hall near the walkway. Jake agreed, trying to rack his brain of ways to start as they walk over the nearest bench. But by the time they sat beside each other, he still has nothing. Nothing that makes sense. Should he just let it be and not bring it up? But that thought didn’t sit right to Jake.

“Hyung, is this about what happened the other day?” Sunoo asked as if reading the Jake’s internal turmoil.

When Jake lifted his head up, Sunoo was studying him. Jake only stared back in surprise, making no response.

Sunoo took his silence as yes. “Don’t worry about it. I’m ok now.” Sunoo beamed at him, before he tore his gaze away at a distance. “The TA is right… I could still try again next year. I guess I overreacted that day. Sorry that you have to see me like that.”

Jake didn’t know what he expected but he was certain that this wasn’t it. Not Sunoo blaming himself. Not Sunoo playing it off with his pretty smile. As much as he likes how Sunoo’s fox eyes disappear into dashing slits when he smiled, this time it didn’t feel right.

“You didn’t.” Jake mumbled, finally finding his voice.

“What?”

“Overreact.” Jake said, a little louder this time. He shifted on his position, angling towards Sunoo. “You have the right to get upset and sad about what happened. You should. It’s not your fault.”

“Would it change anything, hyung?”

Sunoo’s face remained bright, lips still upturned but it wasn’t as dazzling like before that it’s hard stare at it for too long. Now, though, it’s hard to look at it for a different reason.

Jake had no response to that, instead he said, “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Smile.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t mean it.”

Shaking his head, the smile stayed on Sunoo’s face. “I can’t. I’m Kim Sunoo. I won’t be Sunoo if I don’t smile.”

Jake’s chest throbbed hearing that, his hands clenching into fist. “You’re more than your smiles Sunoo-ya.”

“That day… If I wasn’t crying and you didn’t hear what the TA said, would you be able to tell if I’m faking it?” Sunoo asked, the usual spark on his eyes now gone. The smile he wore slowly morphed into a frown.

When Jake couldn’t answer, Sunoo said, voice low and cold, “That’s what I thought.”

All this time he was blinded, Jake realized. Even right from the beginning, he was blinded by Sunoo’s mesmerizing smile and cute giggle and alluring laughter. But now, Sunoo turned the lights away from Jake’s eyes, he could see, for the first time, the shadow casted over Sunoo’s face. It was there all along and Jake was too charmed, too dumb to notice. No one could be that happy all the time.

“That’s not ok, Sunoo-ya.” Jake whispered.

Sunoo took a shaky breath. “Yes, but pretending to be okay makes me okay with it.”

“You don’t have to pretend. I can—”

“Help?” Sunoo cut him off with a mirthless laugh that made Jake wince. He abruptly stood, facing Jake, eyes flashing with something scorching and dark. “I told you it’s ok. I’m ok. I don't need your help and if I needed one, I’ll ask Jungwon or Ni-ki. What can you do, hyung? You barely know me.”

Sunoo’s eyes widen after his outburst. They stared at each other, too stunned to speak for a moment before Sunoo broke the gaze off. Without saying a word, he turned around and walkaway. Jake watched him go as the shock on his face wore off and became that of hurt.

~0~

SUNOO

“Hyung, you know you’re old enough to change your own clothes, right? Or do you want me to help?” Ni-ki complained. “C’mon we’ve been here for ten minutes.”

The mention of the word ‘help’ made Sunoo glanced from the side of the bed to Ni-ki who was sprawled out at the foot of Sunoo’s bed. His eyes were transfixed in the screen of his Nintendo Switch while his fingers were busy smashing buttons of the gaming console. Sunoo grunted and winced rememberng what we he said to Jake that afternoon.

“What are you grinding about, hyung?” Ni-ki propped himself off the bed, sitting at the edge of it. He turned off the Nintendo switch and looked at Sunoo with eyebrows knitted together.

Before Sunoo could answer, his bedroom door opened with Jungwon following through.

“Why aren’t you guys ready? Heesung hyung and Sunghoon hyung said their on the way to the restaurant.” Jungwon eyes shifted between Sunoo and Ni-ki.

“Sunghoon hyung’s coming?” Ni-ki brightened up with the mention of Sunghoon. “Glad he could make time even though he has an upcoming competition. His face is plastered all over the campus.”

“He is. So, you two hurry up.” Jungwon grinned at Ni-ki.

Sunoo felt happy for Jungwon and Ni-ki. Although he was happy as well that he could see their other close friend, Sunghoon, it could never be at par with the two. Jungwon and Ni-ki looked up and adored Sunghoon so much from the first time they met. Sunoo could not blamed them though. Aside from Heesung, Park Sunghoon was the closest person Sunoo could associate to perfection. Popular and handsome. Soft-spoken and kind. He was one of the best rising competitive figure skater in South Korea. He’s been skating since he was nothing but a little kid. He worked hard and dedicated much of his life for the sport that he deserved all the recognition he’s getting right now. The downside was that Sunghoon was under a lot of pressure and has a lot on his plate that they rarely see him these days. Sunghoon would be perfect if he didn’t sucked at Math as bad as Heesung. The two of them couldn’t deal with numbers for the life of them. Also, only if Sunghoon didn’t make it his mission to annoy Sunoo whenever possible.

“I’m all set. Tell that to Sunoo hyung.” Ni-ki motioned his head to Sunoo’s direction.

Sunoo could feel Jungwon’s eyes on him. After a long pause, he heard Jungwon sigh.

“Did something happen between you and Jake hyung?” Jungwon asked.

Sunoo perked up. “Did Jake hyung say something?”

“No, but he messaged me to check on you.”

If Sunoo didn’t feel bad before, he was neck deep in guilt now. If he didn’t do anything soon, he will drowned in it. He lowered his eyes and told Jungwon and Ni-ki what happened.

“That’s… kinda mean, hyung.” Jungwon said after Sunoo recounted what took place at the same Ni-ki said, “What a jerk thing to do. Way to go, hyung.”

Ni-ki blinked at Jungwon. “Ok. It looks like we have a different approach here, Wonie hyung. I’m going for brutal honesty. I had no idea what are you going for.”

Jungwon rolled his eyes. “That’s called euphemism and being polite. Go try it sometimes, Nishimura.”

Sunoo groaned, covering his face with both hands. “Gosh. What have I done?”

“The worst. I feel sorry for this Jake guy. I didn’t know you have it in you, Sunoo hyung.”

“Shut up, Ni-ki. That Jake guy’s older than you. Hyung, don’t worry. I’m sure Jake hyung would understand.”

Sunoo sighed, putting down both of his hand on his lap. What came to him and said those harsh things to Jake, Sunoo still has to figure out. He was good on holding himself back. He's been doing for a long time. But the way Jake's eyes sank into Sunoo’s own when they talked snapped something inside him. Sunoo felt so exposed and bare that his fight or flight instinct kicked off hard. In this case he did both.

“Thanks Wonie. I think Ni-ki’s right though. I’m way out of line this time. Jake hyung didn’t do anything wrong and I said stupid things to him.” Sunoo stared at his lap, twiddling with his thumb.

From his periphery, Sunoo saw Jungwon approached him. He stood in front of him and grabbed him on both of his shoulder. “Then go apologize, Sunoo hyung. He’ll hear you out for sure.” Jungwon said.

“What do I say to him?” Sunoo raised his head.

Jungwon opened his mouth but closed it again, turning to Ni-ki.

Ni-ki pushed himself out of the bed and stood beside Jungwon. “I don’t know, hyung. I don’t know this Jake dude but you obviously care enough about him to be this distressed about what happened. Maybe you should tell him why.”

When Sunoo’s gaze shifted to Jungwon, he nodded and smiled at him. “This is one of the rare times that I have to agree with Ni-ki.”

Sunoo thought about it and as expected, his instinct was to say no, to not do as they say but if he didn’t, Sunoo had no idea how he was going to apologize to Jake. Would Jake even let him talk and listen to him? If he did, would he even believe whatever Sunoo has to say?

“Hyung, you don’t need to rush. You got the whole weekend to think about it.” Ni-ki reached out to his hand. He held one to stopped Sunoo from twiddling his thumb.

Sunoo closed his eyes and let out a long string of breath. When he opened his eyes again, he smiled at Ni-ki and Jungwon and the weight on his chest became lighter even for a bit.

~0~

As it turned out, Sunoo didn’t need the whole weekend to think about it, mainly because he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He tried to take Ni-ki and Jungwon’s advice to slow down to have a clearer perspective but he couldn’t get what happened out his mind. The guilt lurked in the back of his mind like a tall shadow in a dark forest that make you wary of your back all the time. He tried to take his mind off of things by binge watching the episodes of the on-going dramas he missed but there were a lot of scenes that triggered the memory of what he was trying to tune out. Sunoo even tried to watch horror movies to override the guilt with fear and gore with no luck. It’s weighing him down that he couldn’t focus and enjoy the thing he normally enjoyed. By the time Sunday came, Sunoo decided that he had to do something about it or he will lose his mind.

The matte black front door of Jake’s apartment stood firm, almost ominous before Sunoo. He stared at the doorbell button by the aluminum door handle with nervous eyes, his index finger hovering over it dangerously close. His other hand clutched on the bag of ramyeon he will use as token of his apology. He had to do it. He had to do it now, Sunoo chanted in his head. Even though he wasn’t sure how he would go with his apology. There was a vague idea fluttering in the edges of his mind but Sunoo had enough experience about this kind of situation, vague ideas never materialized. All they do was act as a placeholder or buffer to pacify yourself that you have something. In the end, he knew he’ll be grasping for straw during the actual moment. The initial burst of confidence Sunoo started with was now waning off the longer he hesitate so, with a brisk exhale, he rang the doorbell.

The silence that followed the ringing sound stretched so long that Sunoo started to think that Jake was not home. A part of him wished that was the case although the remaining part of him already resigned to the fact that Jake was there. Sunoo checked in with Jay earlier to make sure he will catch Jake alone in his apartment today.

It took a full minute before he heard faint sounds of movement on the other side of the door. Sunoo was preparing for the first thing he would say when the security lock clicked.

“I swear to god Park Joenseong if—” Jake balked as he swung the door in. Blinking a few times, he said, “Su-Sunoo?”

Sunoo buckled for a second after seeing Jake again. He looked surprised to see Sunoo but at least this time it wasn’t the hurt kind of surprise he wore the last they talked. Sunoo forced a smile. “Hi, Jake hyung. Is it a good time to talk?”

Jake remained quiet, only staring at Sunoo in daze. Sunoo braced himself. He was starting to think that in any moment Jake will slam the door shut to his face.

“Hyung?” Sunoo prompted.

Jake’s eyes went wide. “Uh, yeah. Of course.” He said, stepping aside and motioned Sunoo to come in.

Sunoo let his eyes wander as he followed Jake inside. The apartment was spacious and looked expensive. Jake led Sunoo to the living room that was the size of Jungwon and Sunoo’s entire apartment. Sunoo recalled Jungwon mentioning Jay was practically a chaebol and Jake seemed as well off.

“You can sit—hold on.” Panic crossed Jake’s face as he swiftly picked up the snack wrappers and empty energy drink bottles in the coffee table. Sunoo would have laughed at Jake’s reaction and told him that he’s seen worse if everything was fine between them. He disappeared in the hallway for a moment. Sunoo assumed that he disposed all those trash somewhere there. When Jake came back, he told Sunoo he can sit now.

Sunoo sat on the small couch near to him while Jake sat at the chair across.

What now? Sunoo asked himself. Now that he was at the moment, Sunoo had no idea how to start. He glanced at Jake and he found a small piece of relief that Jake looked he didn’t know what to do either. They stared at each other for a while then Sunoo remembered the bag on his hand.

“Oh, right. Here, hyung.” Sunoo placed the bag on the table between them. “Jay hyung said you like ramyeon so I brought you this.”

Jake quirked an eyebrow and mumbled a small thanks but did not say anything after that.

Silence reigned over between the two of them again. At this point, the tension was so palpable that Sunoo could feel the air thickening as he breathe. Sunoo had to say something now before his flight instinct take off again.

“Hyung…” Sunoo began at the same time Jake said “Do you—”

Sunoo lowered his gaze, cheeks reddening.

“You go ahead, Sunoo ya.” Jake told him.

Sunoo tried not to squirm. He straightened himself up and made an eye contact. He mentally kicked himself to remind him that he went there for a reason. “Hyung, I’m…” I’m sorry about what happened , Sunoo wanted to say but his voice faltered. I’m sorry for saying those things .

But what Sunoo managed to croaked out was, “Your apartment smells nice. Like jasmine and mint.”

Jake eyebrows went up. “Oh, that? It’s the lily of the valley fragrance oil.” He rubbed the back of his neck and turning his head away to the hallway. “I’m actually trying to make scented candles before you came in.”

“Really? Why?”

Jake paused for a second. He looked like he was debating what to say. “To give it to you as my apology. Jay once said lily of the valley flower symbolizes forgiveness and rebirth.” Jake chuckled lowly, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t think I’m doing it right though.”

Sunoo frowned. His chest throbbed with the same gnawing feeling the plague him for the past days. “I should be the one asking for your forgiveness, hyung.” Here goes nothing. He took a reinforcing breath and lowered his head. “I’m sorry… for saying those things. I’m really sorry.”

Jake made no response. He was watching Sunoo with unreadable expression on his face when Sunoo looked up. Sunoo forced himself not to look away or flinch under the gaze. After a long drawn-out silence, Jake finally said, “Did it make you feel better?”

“What?”

“Being angry and saying those things out loud. Did it help?”

“No.” Sunoo answered in reflex but he caught himself of with a soft gasp. “Yeah, I guess in a way.” He murmured.

“Good.” Jake sighed, relieved. “There’s nothing for me to forgive though. I was never mad at you.”

Sunoo’s eyes flashed, his hands clawing the fabric of his jeans. “How can you not be mad? I said some unfair things.”

“But it’s true though.” Jake shrugged and gave a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I barely knew you. I thought I do. I didn’t even know what to do or say to you that day or tell if your faking a smile.” His expression opened up, peering through Sunoo. “But I want to. I want to know you, Sunoo-ya.”

“You wouldn’t want to be friends with me if you knew me.”

“Why?”

There it was. The question. The question that Sunoo was supposed to think of an answer with. The conversation he had with Jungwon and Ni-ki echoed in his mind. If he was being honest, he would like to avoid it at all cost. He never liked explaining himself. He was so used on not having a chance to explain himself either. For Sunoo, it was easier to smile and agree because they rarely asked the reason why you’re okay or fine with it. People only do if you’re not. Sometimes.

But there he was again, face to face to that question he wanted to avoid. Sunoo felt like he subconsciously set himself up with it though. Maybe he wanted a chance to say what he wanted. A chance to explain not only to Jake but more so to Sunoo himself. It could be that he needed to hear it again to remind him that that part of him continue to exist.

“Because I lie.” Sunoo answered, voice hoarse. He looked down and hugged himself. The mask he always wore starting to chip of off his face. “I pretend that I’m ok, that I’m fine, even though I’m not. I smile when all I want to do is to lash out and scream and be angry because I don’t want everyone to see me. To really see me.”

“Why not?”

“Then I wouldn’t be the nicest-junior-in-our-batch Sunoo. I wouldn’t be all-smiles Sunoo.” Sunoo swallowed the lumped on his throat and smiled grimly. The bottom of his eyes began to well and he was trying to will down. He didn’t like Jake to see him cry again. Not now. Not yet. He sank a millimeter deeper in the cushion before he went on. “They don’t know that I also think a lot of awful things, that sometimes I want to be unkind to people too. But that’s not the Sunoo they knew. And I wished— I hoped that by pretending that I’m that person, I’ll be that person. It’s hard though and it’s tiring. I’m not that upset about losing the slot on that boot camp. It sucked and I’m sad about it but sometimes shitty things just happened. What I’m really angry is that I’m forcing myself to be okay with it, to be that Sunoo they expect.”

Sunoo raised his head and met Jake’s gaze once again. Sunoo couldn’t decipher the look on his face and he was thankful that he couldn’t tell. He waited for few seconds for Jake to say something but when he stayed quiet, Sunoo pressed on, “Hyung, I’m thankful that you didn’t know what to say when you saw me crying. Jungwon would try to comfort me and try to talk to the professor about it. Ni-ki would… I’m not sure what he would do but I’m sure it will get him in trouble. That time, I just need silent presence to be there for me. So, thank you. And again, I’m sorry at snapped at you. I guess I’m embarassed and afraid that you’re starting to see through me.”

Sunoo sniffed and laughed softly. “I’m stupid, don’t you think?”

The self-depracating question lingered for a while. Jake has been too silent for the entire time. Sunoo began to fumble. The few threads of confidence and determination he had as he bared himself to Jake started to thinned out to point of snapping. Sunoo braced himself. Waiting for to Jake finally realized how messed up he was now that Jake can see through him. Now that he was not blinded by Sunoo’s bright smiles and contagious laughter.

“You’re not.” Jake finally said, leaning a little forward. “Everything you said make me want to know you more.”

Sunoo’s chuckled in disbelief. “You’re joking, right?”

“Absolutely not.” Jake shook his head. “I still want to know you… but the real Kim Sunoo this time.” He put a finger on his chin in a thinking manner, furrowing his eyebrows. “And I think I already met him once.”

Sunoo blinked in confusion.

“The first time we met. When I accused you of stealing Layla and you called me out to be a more responsible dog owner instead.” Jake grinned. “That’s you right?”

Sunoo snorted, putting a hand over his mouth trying not to laugh full on. But with Jake staring at him with a knowing glint on his eyes, the scene flashed in front of Sunoo’s eyes that he finally allowed himself to giggle. “Yeah.” Sunoo breathed.

They both lapsed into silence for a minute, smiling. In each second, the weight Sunoo held on his chest slowly grew a pair of colorful wings and turned into butterfly, fluttering and spreading warmth on his body.

“Sunoo-ya, you don’t have to pretend.” Jake looked at him with the same calmness on his eyes like the time he saw Sunoo crying, the same firmness on his voice when he told Sunoo that he didn’t need to smile when he didn’t mean it.

“I know.” Sunoo heaved a sigh, finally letting himself to relax. “Maybe one day.” He said, surprising himself.

Sunoo has still work it out. He’s trying for a long time. From the time he told Jungwon about it or from the time when Ni-ki bulldozed into Sunoo’s life and called him out for it, Sunoo has been trying. But it’s a grueling task. There were still a lot of stuffs that Sunoo has to figure out and he had to know what to do with it once he figured them out. But this time, with the way corner of Jake’s eyes and lips crinkled, that one day felt a little tangible and an inch closer to Sunoo’s reach.

It’s a good a start.

“Why are you so good to me, hyung?” Sunoo asked.

Jake tilted his head with uncertainty. “Because I want to?”

“That’s not really a reason.”

“Why not?” Jake shrugged averting his gaze away, ears turning red. “Maybe one day, I’ll tell you.”

~0~

Chapter Text

~0~

JAKE

The air was crisp against the skin. Jake shoved his hands to his jean jacket’s pocket with the chill that brushed past him. Jake scanned through passing students, hoping to catch a familiar pink head among the crowd milling in and out of the Natural Science building. Based from his observation for the past weeks, Sunoo should be out of his last class of the day any time now. Not that Jake made it a point of memorizing Sunoo’s schedule. It happened that they spend a lot of time recently and in his defense, Jake was adept on picking up patterns whether be it in numbers or symmetries or in this case, Sunoo’s class schedule.

As soon as Jake caught a wisp of Sunoo’s hair exiting one of the rooms down the hall, he was already jogging towards Sunoo’s direction. Jake called out to once he was within earshot. Sunoo looked up in mild surprise but when he noticed it was Jake, his eyes lit up and smiled. Sunoo still likes to smile, that never changed. Jake hoped that it never will. Sunoo’s smiles were still dazzling but Jake started to see them for what they were, not blazing and blinding as supernovas but mesmerizing arcs and dancing light curtains of an aurora, delicate and mystifying.

Even though two weeks had passed since the day Sunoo came to his apartment, Jake could still picture that day, still hear their voices, how they stared at each other speechless and how Layla snapped them back to their senses. He remembered how they ended up cooking the ramyeon Sunoo brought, that Sunoo liked the noodles slightly undercooked just like Jake, and how they ate in silence but the sound of them slurping. It was somewhat awkward, if Jake was being honest. For a couple of days, it felt like that, like something has shifted between them but it fizzled out, gradually and then entirely, like it never happened if not for the look that they can now share — a look of understanding.

Days later, Jake was showing Sunoo the telescope in his room. They tried to find Sirius and Canopus one night the sky was clear. Sunoo helped Jake finished his first scented candles one weekend and on the next, Jake showed up at Sunoo’s doorstep with Layla. ‘Is this why you wanted to be friends with me?’ Sunoo had asked. ‘So, you have some one to take care of your dog when you go out of town.’ The look that Sunoo gave him was nothing but of suspicion and judgement but still snatched Layla’s leash from him without an ounce of hesitation. In return, Jake gave a Sunoo a whole tub of mint chocolate ice cream when he got back and, yes, Jake took the dive and tried having some of it because Sunoo pestered him to at least have a spoonful. Unfortunately, his stance and disgust about the flavor didn’t get any better no matter how much he liked the funny face Sunoo made watching him struggle and cringe over eating the ice cream though.

“Hyung!” Sunoo greeted him with a teasing smile. “Didn’t see you at lunch today. Already figure out how to shrink the moon?”

“You should stop hanging around Park Jongseong.” Jake pressed his mouth in a thin line. “I’m not turning into Gru, ok?”

Somehow, Jay thinks that it would be a good idea to tell Sunoo and Jungwon that he was only pursuing his Physics degree because he loved the Despicable Me franchise and Jake wanted to follow Gru’s footsteps. Jake had no idea how his best friend convinced the two with that ridiculous notion but now they always bring that up to rile him up.

“What are those research all for then?”

“They’re for my thesis and my research paper for grad school. They’re not blue print for a shrink ray.”

Sunoo laughed. “Sure, hyung. No need to sound defensive. And I don’t think you’re going to turn into Gru either, you got a pretty thick hair. It looks soft and healthy. I like it.”

Jake turned away, pushing his hair back consciously, a tinge of pink dusting his cheeks.

“What brings you here, hyung? Got a class in here?” Sunoo asked after a moment.

“Yes, uh I mean, no.” Jake shook his head, remembering why he was waiting for Sunoo. He bit his lips, shifting his weight between his feet. “Remember the new tteokbokki place near the park? If you’re free now, wanna go check it out?”

“I promised Ni-ki I’ll meet him after his practice today.” Sunoo faltered, shooting him an apologetic smile. “I’m actually on my way there.”

“Oh.” Jake hoped he didn’t sound and look too disappointed. He really wanted to hangout with Sunoo today since he hadn’t see him at lunch earlier. He rubbed the back of his head. “Maybe next time then.”

Sunoo studied him for a moment before his expression brightened up “Do you want to come with us, hyung? I’ll introduce you to Ni-ki and spicy tteokbokki actually sounds good with this weather.”

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“C’mon, hyung. Ni-ki kinda want to meet you too.”

Jake stalled for a second but eventually nodded because how could he say no when Sunoo tugged on his hand and looked at him like a kid asking for a new toy?

~0~

The thought of finally meeting Sunoo’s friend Ni-ki in flesh made Jake’s body hummed in excitement and nervousness. With how many times, he heard about Ni-ki from Sunoo, Jake was genuinely curious to meet and get to know the guy. He sounded dynamic and bold and unique. Sunoo seemed to have a soft spot for him which doubled Jake’s eagerness to meet him but now that it’s about to happen, he couldn’t helped wondering how this might go. Would he like Ni-ki? Would they become friends too? That would be ideal but that didn’t mean it would happen. More importantly, would Ni-ki even like him?

Jake was spiraling down the rabbit hole with all the doubt and questions he has in his head as they walked through the door of one of the small auditorium where Ni-ki should be practicing according to Sunoo.

“Looks like they’re not done yet.”

Sunoo’s voice jolted Jake. He blinked and looked up. All the chairs were pushed to the corners of the room living a wide space in the middle. There was a small platform at far end where a group of ten students were in a middle of dance. There were no music playing though just a voice of someone facing the group counting and shouting the what step goes next in the routine.

“That’s Ni-ki, hyung.” Sunoo told him, pointing to a blond guy who suddenly switched in the middle of the formation.

Jake’s first thought was Ni-ki was tall. He felt himself straightening his posture as he watched Ni-ki nailed the choreography with powerful and crisp movement of his limbs and body.

“Wow. He’s good.” Jake said in awe. Even Ni-ki’s facial expression was on point for a practice.

“I know right.”

The counting stopped with a loud clap before the choreographer shouted a 15-minute break. The students on the platform all sighed and dispersed to either get their towel or their water bottles or both.

“Ni-ki!” Sunoo called out.

Ni-ki glanced at their direction. He perked up and sprinted towards where they stood when he noticed Sunoo avidly waving his hand.

“Thought you’d be done by now?” Sunoo asked.

“Sorry, hyung. There’s a few change up with the songs and formation.” Ni-ki wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. He sighed, pouting. “We’ll be practicing for a while. I don’t think we can hangout today.”

Sunoo’s shoulder sagged. “Oh, that sucks.”

Ni-ki shrugged. “Looks like you have someone to hangout with either way.”

Jake jerked tensely when Ni-ki’s attention switched to him. Now that Jake has a better look on Ni-ki, he could say that his fierce and sharp eyes weren’t reserved only for when he was dancing. He has a deep voice too which was a stark contrast with his youthful appearance. Gulping an imaginary lump on his throat, Jake smiled and tried not to shy away from Ni-ki’s gaze.

“Right! Ni-ki, this is Jake hyung, And Jake hyung this is my friend Ni-ki.” Sunoo gestured back and forth between Jake and Ni-ki.

“Hello, Ni-ki-ssi, Sunoo talked about you a lot.” Jake said lightly trying to match Sunoo’s cheerful voice.

Ni-ki made no immediate response. He only stared at Jake with even more weight like he was sizing him up.

“Uh, you’re really good out there.” Jake added. “I was blown away and it was just a practice.”

Jake sighed when Ni-ki’s serious exterior finally cracked.

“Really? Thanks.” Niki looked sheepish for a moment. “Just call me Ni-ki, Jake hyung. With how much I heard about you from Sunoo hyung here, I feel like I’ve known you since forever.”

Jake blinked, surprised. Sunoo talked about him a lot? He glanced at Sunoo but he avoided him by turning to Ni-ki.

“Ya! Ni-ki!” Sunoo excalimed. “You’re making it sound like Jake hyung is all I talk about.”

“Well, for the past weeks he’s—”

Ni-ki was cut off when Sunoo lunged at him which the latter barely avoided. Ni-ki quickly bolted to a small table in the corner of the room to put in between him Sunoo who was in hot pursuit.

Jake caught himself chuckling as he watched the two run around in a cat and mouse chase, laughing at yelling out each other’s name. The nerves and tension he felt before now replaced by amusement and wonder. Jake was already aware that Sunoo has a playful side on him that he slipped off once in a while but it was the first time he witnessed it to this extent. Will there be a time that Sunoo would be this comfortable with him too?

A minute later, Sunoo seemed to have enough and gave up with the chase. His cheeks puffed and pouted when he called for Ni-ki. This time Ni-ki obliged and Sunoo ruffled his hair which the other didn’t swat away.

“Sorry about that hyung.” Sunoo heaved a sigh, jerking his thumb towards Ni-ki. “I swear this kid has some few loose screws up in there with all the dancing he’s been doing.”

Jake laughed but couldn’t think of anything else to say. The three of them lapse into silence looking at one another expectantly.

Sunoo cleared his throat, breaking the awkwardness. “So… Ni-ki’s been into football lately. Jake hyung used to play before.” His eyes shifting between Jake and Ni-ki. “Converse.”

Ni-ki instantly perked up. If he was a dog, his ears would be all up with sudden energy and interest and the way he inched towards Jake. “Really? What’s your position?”

“It’s kinda long ago.” Jake scratched his cheek with his index finger. “But I was striker.”

Ni-ki’s eyes widen in amazement and bounced on his feet that made Jake stepped back. He glanced warily at Sunoo but he only smirked at him. Ni-ki went on throwing Jake questions after questions about football: how long did he play, what is his favorite local team and international team, who is favorite player, who is he currently rooting for in the domestic cup. Jake found himself answering them all as eagerly. It’s been a while since he met who was this passionate about football. Jay knew the sport but he wasn’t really into it like Jake does. Jay learned it since Jake somewhat pestered him to so, they can play.

They were rooting for different team in the domestic league but when it turned they were both fan of Messi, both of them shared a look only a fellow fan could understand. They grinned at each other, bumping their fist.

“Uh, should I leave the two of you alone?” Sunoo interjected in a mixture of wary and amused tone.

“You should come with me and Jay when you’re free.” Jake told Ni-ki. “It’s been ages since I play but I can teach you the basics.”

“Jay?” Ni-ki furrowed his eyebrows.

Sunoo nudged Ni-ki at his side. “You know, Wonie’s Jay.”

“Oh!” Ni-ki’s expression eased out, comprehending the connection. He nodded before he smirked. “What’s with you two and short guys?”

“Hey! Don’t be rude Ni-ki-ya.” Sunoo elbowed Ni-ki. “You’re just too tall for your age.”

“Which means you are all shorter than me.”

Sunoo glared at him. “You’re such a brat, you know that?”

“I’m your favorite brat though.”

“You’re the only brat I know.” Sunoo rolled his eyes.

Ni-ki turned to Jake. “If you want to have Sunoo hyung in the palm of your hands, you should compliment him often. He’s a sucker for that.”

Jake bit his lips, ignoring the pointed stare.

“And you’re the worst at giving compliments. Hyung, he told me I sucked video games and said that’s a compliment. Can you believe that?” Sunoo snorted in disbelief.

“Says the one who told someone from Japan he’s good at nihongo.” Ni-ki countered in a flat voice.

A loud clap echoed in the auditorium followed by a booming ‘break is over’ interrupted Sunoo before he could respond.

“Anyway, it’s good to finally put a face to the name Sunoo hyung’s new friend. Nice to meet you, hyung.” Ni-ki smiled, raising his fist.

“Yeah. Glad to meet you too, Ni-ki.” Jake met Ni-ki’s fist with his own, pretending that he didn’t hear the change in tone when Ni-ki said ‘Sunoo hyung’s new friend’.

“By the way, I approve.” Ni-ki said after saying goodbye to Sunoo and promising he’ll drop by his apartment tomorrow.

“Approve of what?” Sunoo asked.

Ni-ki narrowed his eyes at Sunoo before it flickered to Jake. Again, Jake feigned indifference and lowered his gaze.

“Oh, Sunoo hyung and they said Cancers are the psychics of the zodiac.” Ni-ki laughed before he bolted away and back to the group of students across the auditorium.

Sunoo threw a puzzled look at his direction. Jake shrugged pretending that he had no idea what Ni-ki meant even though a loud voice in his head he’s been trying to hush begged to differ.

~0~

If you asked Jake, he would say that his first meeting with Ni-ki turned out better than all the scenarios he had in his head. He had nothing to be nervous about after all. Ni-ki was really a cool and nice guy like the way . He actually feel bad that Ni-ki couldn’t come to hangout with them because of his dance practice.

“Ni-ki’s japanese?” Jake asked as they left the performing arts building.

Sunoo nodded, almost to himself. “He moved here during high school. His family came with him at first but after sometime they went back to Japan leaving Ni-ki here by himself. They visit him quite often though. He can barely speak korean when I first met him but it didn’t faze him. He said he moved here because Korea has one of the best dance program and he really wanted to pursue dancing. Even at that age he was so sure of himself and what he wanted to do.” Sunoo sounded so warm and tender against the wisp of cold air. He got this distant look on his face as he snuggled closely to his tawny jacket. He drifted into silence, for a moment, Jake could hear their matching footfalls on a steady pace crunching the leaves on the damp pavement. Sunoo peered at him and said, “And you saw him just now, it’s like he’s meant to do it.”

There was pride on Sunoo’s voice was strong but Jake didn’t miss the how it slightly quivered at the end. “Yeah. He’s really good.” Jake breathed.

“It might be the reason why I was so fascinated by him when we first met. He was so bold and he’s willing to do anything to go for what he want. I’m already a junior but I still having doubts with what I’m doing.” Sunoo chuckled.

“I guess everyone will always have doubts no matter how sure they are themselves.” Jake said, looking ahead. “At least at one point or once in a while. That’s what I think.”

“Even you, hyung?”

Jake glanced at Sunoo. “Even me.”

“That’s… comforting.” Sunoo held his gaze for a while before his eyes shined with playfulness. “It’s good that you’re still not sure about the shrink ray.”

“Ya!”

Sunoo giggled and Jake couldn’t help but joined him. The sound of Sunoo’s laughter has always a pleasant thing to hear. It made Jake lightheaded and entranced on Sunoo would throw his head back like kids do or on how he would lean to his shoulder for support. A wave of warmth cascaded from his chest and down to his stomach every time it happened. Jake liked the feeling, especially in this weather. It’s like an extra layer wool that kept him snug against the cold. He also likes this kind of simple moment of getting out school, walking with Sunoo with people passing by. Simple talks over the indistinct chatter around them. The white noise of traffic ahead. Their footfalls against the brick pathways. Jake was starting to get use to it and looked forward to it. It was gradually becoming integrated to his usual day and made it better.

“It’s not even winter but it almost feels like it.” Sunoo said, crossing his arms, after a frigid breeze swept upon them.

They were past the administration building, nearing the campus gate at this point. Jake’s eyes flicked over the massive horizontal banner of Park Sunghoon, aka the Ice Prince, supporting him for his upcoming figure skating competition as it flapped and billowed with the wind above their heads.

“Too bad we can’t be all Park Sunghoon. The dude must be immune to the cold.”

“Sunghoon hyung? He could still feel cold but yeah, he has a much higher tolerance that most of us.”

“Hyung?” Jake stopped abruptly on his tracks.“You know Park Sunghoon?”

“Doesn’t everyone?” Sunoo faced him and shrugged.

“Wait, are you close friends with him or something?”

“Why so surprise, hyung? You don’t believe me? Want me get you an autograph?”

“No!” Jake shook his head.

“No? Are you like one of his antis then?” Sunoo asked voice dropping in a perfect mixture of genuine curiosity and concern.

“Of course not! I don’t have any reason dislike him. I’m just caught off-guard that you’re close with Park Sunghoon.” Jake explained. How could he not be taken aback with that disclosure? He just met Ni-ki not a even an 30 minutes ago and now he has to reconcile with the fact that Sunoo was a close friend with one of the most (if not the most) popular guy in the university.

“Why? It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?” Jake stared at Sunoo incredulously. “The guy’s practically a celebrity.”

Sunoo hummed in consideration. “He’s really getting more popular these days but he’s still Sunghoon hyung to me.”

“Wow. So, how come Kim Sunoo become friends with the Ice Prince?”

Sunoo chuckled, glancing briefly at the smiling face of Park Sunghoon at the poster. “We go way back in middle school. Jungwon was the one to introduced me to Sunghoon hyung. Jungwon’s like his number one fan from even when he’s just starting. Now, he sharing that spot with Ni-ki.”

“What about you?” Jake arched an eyebrow. “Why aren’t you his number one fan too?”

“I could never beat those two when it comes to being Sunghoon hyung’s fan.” Sunoo lowered his gaze, seeming shy all of the sudden. “Although, it’s funny I actually kinda have a humongous crush on Sunghoon hyung before.”

“What!?”

Sunoo winced and shoots him a pained smile.“What’s with that reaction, hyung?” He pointed at the banner, pink hues dusting off his cheeks. “C’mon, just look at him. No one will ever tell you he’s not good looking. Couple it with an amazing figure skating skills and you got the perfect epitome of a crush material.”

Jake gaped like gold fish being electrocuted by a bolt of lightning. The beaming face of Park Sunghoon now seemed smirking down at Jake. Mocking him. The fuzzy feeling on his chest and stomach became sweltering with something he could not name.

“Is that judgement I see?” Sunoo crossed his arms. He glared at Jake for a moment before his faux seriousness broke down into a flustered face and embarassed laugh. “Well, we all have a past.” Sunoo said, as he wheeled away and resumed walking.

Sunoo was already a couple of steps ahead when Jake found his wits again. Blinking, he scowled at Sunghoon’s smug face before jogging back to Sunoo’s side.

~0~

Jake broke out another yawn. He shouldn’t have let Jay dragged his ass out of bed that morning to be his test subject for some new recipe his best friend wanted to try at his apartment. He’s been revising his school papers up until dawn and him being robbed out few more hours of shut eye was another kind of recipe Jake always try to keep at arm’s length. You see, the lack deep and meaningful sleep could make neuroreceptors insensitive to serotonin and epinephrine that inevitably leads to impaired cognitive function, or in simple words, bad decisions. And in this case, Jake watching videos Park Sunghoon’s ice skating videos. To his defense, Jake did his best not to get to this point which was the primary reason he’s been up all night. He’s distracting himself with the school work even though he didn’t have to. Because there were no reason for Jake to look him up. It was the mantra that Jake kept chanting in his head since he got home yesterday after learning that Park Sunghoon was Sunoo’s crush. But now that Jake was on his nth video of Park Sunghoon (he’d lost count after a while), it’s safe to assume that all his effort went down the drain. He was surprised that there were a lot of videos of the Ice Prince, more than that Jake had expected. On what kind of surprise was that, Jake still has trouble on deciding.

“Why are you watching videos of Park Sunghoon?” Jake heard Jay asked as he walked past behind him.

Jay raised an eyebrow as he put down the plates of pajeon on the table and sat on the chair across from him

“I… nothing. I was just curious.” Jake quickly press the power button of his phone and set it aside. “The university is very vocal about his upcoming competition with all the banners and posters.” And definitely not because Jake was dying to know why Sunoo had a crush on Sunghoon on the past. In the past. Jake could not emphasized it to himself enough.

“And?”

“And what?”

Jay motioned him to dig in. “And what do you think now that you saw his videos?” He asked, as he took a bite of the pancake.

“He’s… okay.” Park Sunghoon was more than okay. He was good, almost too good, Jake had to admit albeit begrudgingly. From the videos of his previous competition, and his interviews after or just his old practice videos (which Jake wasn’t sure how people got hands of those), there was no doubt that Park Sunghoon deserved all the hype, popularity and his title the Ice Prince. Not that Jake needed to say it out loud.

“Okay? Dude, the guy’s a monster in figure skating. He’s being scouted by the national team and all you can say is ok?” Jay stared at him like he just said that Michael Jordan was not one of the greatest basketball player of all time.

“What’s wrong with okay? It’s a perfectly good word.” Jake shrugged, trying to play if off. He took a chunk of pajeon, dipped it to soy sauce before eating it. “This is good.” He said, hoping it will distract Jay and steer the conversation away.

“Did he cross you or something?” Jay hummed in thought, ignoring his comment about the food which was originally the main point he dragged Jake to his apartment early that morning. “I met the Park Sunghoon couple of times at school events. He’s pretty cool and chill guy. He doesn’t strike me as someone who would get on your nerves.”

“No.” Jake waved his hand dismissively. “It’s just…” He paused, voice trailing off. Jake wasn’t sure what could he say to get Jay off of his back. He was looking at him with expectant eyes as if daring Jake to come up for more excuse. But Jake’s addled brain was to sleep deprived to deal with this so, maybe letting Jay have his way might be the easy way out. With a sigh, Jake said, “Fine! Park Sunghoon’s perfect. Is that what you want to hear?”

Jay snorted a laugh. “Would’ve been better if you didn’t sound so bitter.”

“I do not!” Jake scowled. Again, there was no reason for him to be bitter about how talented or skillful or how well-spoken or charming or how godly Park Sunghoon’s visual was. No reason at all.

“Huh!” Jay placed down his chop stick and poised his thumb and index finger on his chin in a thinking position. “My spidey sense is tingling. I’m missing something here.”

“There’s nothing here and cut that crap with that spidey sense. Dressing up as Spiderman during Halloween doesn’t make you Peter Parker.”

It’s been a week after they dressed up for the Halloween event of the university. Jake had gone as Mario while Jay opted to be Spiderman. Jake had to admit that it suited his best fried and he was one of the highlight of the party but even after it was over, Jay acted like he somehow acquired Spidey sense by wearing Spiderman’s suit once. He still refused to let it go up until now.

“Let’s put on our thinking hats then.” Jay motioned both his hand like he was lifting an imaginary hat and placing it atop his head.

“Oh my gosh, are you like this in front of Jungwon too?”

“What? Unlike you, Wonie appreciate my second to none sense of humor.”

Jake mouth fell, cringing. His face goes from mortified to horrified hearing how proud Jay sounded with his juvenile act.

All of sudden, Jay’s eyes widen and pointing at Jake. “Wait a minute, Jungwon’s actually friend with Park Sunghoon. That would mean…” Jay lightly smack the table, chuckling. “Really Jake?”

“Whatever you’re thinking, that’s not it.” Jake ran a hand through his hair, his cheeks heating up. Sometimes, he hated how Jay could be oblivious as rock when he wanted and if it works for him but could also be a pesky quick-witted mosquito that loves to hover on your ears at night.

“So, it’s not Ni-ki, huh?” Jay smirked, leaning back. “It’s Park Sunghoon. Your rival to Sunoo’s affection.”

“What? No. You’re way off base here, Park Jongseong.”

Jay tsked in amusement. “You got a pretty tough competition, man. Even for someone like you. The odds may not be in your favor.”

“Don’t misquote The Hunger Games. There’s no rivalry.” Jake threw Jay an exasperated look. “Where the hell did you even get that?”

Jay crossed his arms, face smug. “Simple extrapolation.”

“You mean correlation.” Jake rolled his eyes. “But I’m gonna drop it because it’s all nonsense.”

“You know I’m right.”

“You’re not!” Jake said hotly, glaring at Jay. He was close at throwing his chopsticks at his best friend. “Because that would imply that I like Sunoo or something.”

Jay cocked his head. He shoots him a daring smile, like he got Jake cornered. “Well, you do, right?”

Jake opened his mouth but faltered, mentally kicking himself for playing right into that.

“Yes,” Jake said in a heedful and measured voice. He promptly hold up his hand to stop Jay from whatever he was going say. “But not like that. I like him as a friend.” He added slowly.

No, it’s not because Jake likes Sunoo like Jay likes Jungwon. He would know if it was the case. But it’s not like that. That’s what Jake like to believe. He just wanted to be close to Sunoo, to get to know him more and more because Sunoo was fascinating and fun to hangout with. Jake noticed a permanent smile plastered on his face when he was with Sunoo even though sometimes, they were doing they’re own things, complaining about exams and essays that was due the next day, or simply by sitting next to each other at the bench by the field. Again, it’s not that he likes Sunoo.

It’s what friends do.

Jake spent enough time last night to think about it and be certain about what he feel. He just wanted to know more about Sunoo and along with that came his morbid curiosity about the guy lucky enough to be crushed on by his wonderful friend. And even if it turned out that Jake likes Sunoo, the odds of Sunoo liking him back where pretty slim. Jake didn’t need to employ any fancy statistical tool to arrived to that conclusion. It was explicitly obvious with Park Sunghoon alone. Jake knew he was fairly attractive guy and smart one to boot but he’s not at par with the likes of Park Sunghoon unfortunately.

“Sure. Friend.” Jay drawled. “Checking out potential competition is such a platonic thing to do.”

“I swear to god.” Jake groaned, pulling out his hair with both hands. He stared at Jay with both exhausted and beseeching expression. “If you’re not going to believe me, can we drop it? I’ve been revising my papers up until 3AM I can’t deal with this crap from you. Let’s talk about something else. Please.”

“Fine.” Jay said after some consideration. “Let’s talk about your plans on your birthday.”

“My birthday?”

“Yeah, it’s on next Saturday.”

“Oh, right.” Jake shoulders slouched, thrown off.

Jay eyed him bemusedly. “Are we still on with our annual camping or are you buried with your papers with all the crude symbols and hieroglyphs.”

“They’re Greek letters.” Jake said, voice flat before he met Jay’s eyes and smiled. “And yes, we’re still on.”

The two of them have this kind of a tradition for their birthdays where they will go to a beach during Jay’s birthday while they will be out camping for Jake’s. They used to do that with their respective family when they were young but lately, especially as soon as they entered the university, there’s always conflicting schedules and not to mention Jake’s family was all the way back in Australia and Jay’s always out abroad for their business, the two of them adopted the tradition by themselves. They still do celebrate with their family but often it’s earlier or days after.

“Good.” Jay shot him a creepy grin, like he was plotting to paint Jake nails hot pink again while he’s sleeping. “I kinda have a perfect gift for you this year.”

Jake grimaced at the memory. It happened when they were freshman and they still sharing an apartment. It took Jake a few days to get it off and it was so hideous that he had to wear gloves while he’s out in public and even during he was eating. “If it’s a whole box of vegemite again, I’m going to really punch you in the face.”

“Nope. This time it’s different and I’m sure you’ll love it.” Jay said with a ghost of a smile that raised more doubts than that of assurance.

~0~

SUNOO

In any given day that Sunoo’s alone and had nothing to do, no school work or plans of meeting up with his friends, he would be watching movies or dramas. You will find him ensconced in his bedroom in his overalls, bunch of assorted food on the bedside table, eyes transfixed on his phone or laptop screen. It’s one of Sunoo’s favorite hobbies (if you count it as one) and how Sunoo relieved stress — by temporarily escaping to the drama land. Today was once of those days. After being out of after school for huge portion of the week and this was a much needed alone time to recharge himself and to catch up to the dramas on he missed lately. Sunoo has been holed up in the apartment through out the afternoon, cocooned in his fleece blanket, phone in hand, eyes glued on the screen. Sounds from the phone's speaker filled up the darkening room with the latest episode of the romantic comedy that was on. Halfway through the episode, the bedroom door creaked with Jungwon’s head peaking through the crack.

Sunoo tap the phone screen, pausing the video. It was past five in the afternoon when he checked the time on the his phone. “Hey, Wonie.” He said.

Jungwon pushed the door, slipping through the room. He didn’t say anything for a moment only stood there and looked at him like a kid who was about to ask for money to his parents so he could buy candy. “Say hyung, are you free next Saturday?” He asked.

“I don’t have any foreseeable plan.” Sunoo untangled himself out of the blanket. Shuffling to the edge of the bed, he set foot his foot on the floor. “Why? Are you back on teaching kids taekwondo? Wanna use me as your training dummy again?”

Jungwon worked as a part time taekwondo instructor for kids from time to time, taking advantage of his black belt to earn few extra bucks. He usually drags Sunoo to be his training dummy to demonstrate some moves and routine arguing that it’s a good break from his sedentary lifestyle. In his defense, Sunoo exercise from time to time, he goes to the gym with Heesung on occasion and chasing Ni-ki around when he annoyed Sunoo was good enough cardio. Although relative to his friends, with Jungwon doing taekwondo, Sunghoon being a figure skater, Heesung and Ni-ki dancing all their lives, and now Jake and Jay whose both into sports, you can say that Sunoo’s the least physically active. But he’s not sedentary and it doesn’t mean he like to pose as a dummy for beginner’s taekwondo class no matter how cute little kids were.

Jungwon grinned. “C’mon hyung, the kids adore you. I asked Ni-ki once but he’s a little intimidating and intense for them.”

“Then asked Jay hyung.”

“I hadn’t considered that. I'll do that next time.” Jungwon seemed fond of the idea. “But anyway, this doesn’t have anything with taekwondo.” He bit his lips, looking at Sunoo. “How do you feel about going to a party?” Jungwon asked.

“Depends on what kind of party.”

“A birthday party.”

“And whose birthday is it?” Sunoo furrowed his eyebrows at Jungwon. Ni-ki and Sunghoon’s birthday was not until next month.

“Jake hyung’s.”

“Oh…” Sunoo intoned before he froze, eyes widening. “ Oh! I didn’t know that.” He paused, gaze falling down on his lap. Was he suppose to know that? Will Jake hyung told him that? Should he ask? Sunoo has mixed feelings with the information.

“Apparently, the Jake hyung almost forgot about it too.” Jungwon chuckled. “Jay hyung is planning a surprise for him and he’s asking if we can help. He’s inviting us to go with them too.”

Sunoo glanced up. “Go with them? Where?”

“Camping. They have this tradition of camping out during Jake hyung’s birthday.”

“Suddenly?” Sunoo’s voice climb up in pitch. “Wait, and by them, you mean it’s gonna be the four of us or there are others too?”

“Just the four of us as far as I know know.” Jungwon shrugged.

Sunoo stood from the bed and stretching up, feeling a little sore from being cooped up in bed for hours. He rolled his neck and stared at Jungwon in thought. “Doesn’t it feel like we’re kinda intruding to their, as you said, tradition?” He asked. Don’t get him wrong, Sunoo would be delighted to celebrate Jake’s birthday but not if he’s going to disrupt some established routine that supposed to be only between Jake and Jay. Besides, they can celebrate it when they come back.

“I don’t think Jay hyung will invite us if that’s the case.”

Sunoo was silent for a moment. “I don’t know. You know I’m not outdoorsy like that.”

“Don’t worry, hyung. It’s nothing extreme.” Jungwon assured him with a smile. “We’re only going on one of the camping grounds outside Seoul.”

“I’m not sure. What about, gifts?”

“About anything. I’m sure Jake hyung will appreciate any gift coming from you.” Jungwon gave him a pointed look. “I bet you being there is more than enough for him.”

Sunoo hummed in thought, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Crossing his arms, he said, “Why are you selling this idea so hard, Wonie? Is there something else you’re not telling me?”

“What could I possibly hide from you?” Jungwon laughed nervously. “I just wanna help out Jay hyung.”

Sunoo wasn’t convinced especially with how Jungwon averted his eyes but at the same time Sunoo couldn’t argue anything back with his alibi. There’s no question that Jungwon would go out of his way if Jay asked him for help.

“Fine. I’ll go.” Sunoo agreed after a while. It’s for Jake’s birthday anyway and Sunoo wanted to be there for him on his special day to celebrate it with him. The problem now was the gift. What present could Sunoo give Jake with tight schedule and much tighter budget? He’s nothing but a typical broke college student that the idea of posing as training dummy for Jungwon’s gig actually sounds good now to raise fund so he can afford a something good.

“You’re really the best hyung.” Jungwon beamed, eyes glinting with subterfuge he didn’t bother to hide this time.

Chapter Text

~0~

JAKE

The first camping experience Jake considered was when he was ten. He and his brother tried out building a tent on their own and camped out their backyard in their family house in Australia. Still having that childish bravado at that time, it took them a while to figure out how to put up the tent because they didn’t want their father to help them out, thinking they can do it by themselves. And they did. The tent might be a little wobbly but Jake still pegged it as a success. They tried it to be as authentic as they can: making their own campfire and failing (their father finally intervening on this one), making smores where they ran back to the house because they forgot the marshmallows and the crackers, scaring themselves with scary stories, his brother playing the guitar at some point during the night with Jake singing along. Jake enjoyed all the part of it, with all the mess and hiccups. But his most favorite would be the time they laid on the blanket, looking up the sky in silence, marveling about the specks of light that painted the sky. Jake remembered that night vividly up to this day, the feeling of being so small and so far away, the wonder of what would it feel to be out there. From then on, Jake fell in love with it that he never ask for anything for his birthday but for them to go camping. Year after year they did even after Jake moved to Korea up until Jake was old enough to go on his own and for the recent years, he did it with his bestfriend Jay.

This was year was no different. No matter how busy Jake was on this time of the year, especially now being on his senior year with all the thesis and research, he would always save his birthday for his first love — camping. They were doing it somewhere near though, a driving distance outside Seoul so they can still go back by Sunday and catch a few hours of rest before reality pulled them back to the banality of college life.

Jay arranged everything for this outing. Taking off early Friday afternoon so they had a time to put up their tent. In turn Jake would be the one to arrange everything for their trip on a beach during Jay’s birthday. It kind of became an unspoken rule for this annual tradition and somewhat kind of a pre-gift they gave to each other.

“This is nice.” Jake leaned back on the foldable chair, half full can of beer on his hand. He got his plates full for the past weeks with all the university stuffs that this was a much needed break.

“I’ll take that as a compliment. I always have the eye for the right places.” Jay grinned at him from the other side of the dwindling campfire.

Jake rolled his eyes but did refute the statement. They haven’t done much of exploring of the camp ground since they arrived late in the afternoon but they already like the place. It was beautiful in an assuming way. It also helped that there were not much of other campers around, adding a nice touch of peacefulness. They were alone in this particular section of the camping ground. Given the time of the year, it didn’t come off of a surprise to both of them.

“We should go out of the grid next year after graduation. Like hiking and camping out on some outback.”

“Next year? Thinking that far ahead already? And FYI, I won’t be graduating with you next year.”

Jake glanced at Jay who too a swig of his beer and shrugged.

“Have you forgotten that I missed most of my freshman year with all the moving we did that time? I'm a senior on paper but technically I’m more or less a junior.”

“Didn’t you took those classes during summer breaks?”

“Some of it.”

Jake straightened up, facing Jay. His best friend never told him about this. All this time, Jake assumed that Jay had finished all those subjects he missed when they were freshmen. He felt bad not being aware of this. He could have helped Jay with his classes even though business was not his forte. But still.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Jay waved him off, turning away. “It sucks that we won’t graduate at the same time but I’m enjoying the college life… the school life in general. I’m fine with it. Another year is not that much.”

And you’ll have more time to spend with Jungwon, Jake thought. He understood where Jay was coming from though. He was home schooled from elementary, middle school and most part of high school. It was only when he entered college that he got into the full school experience. It was the reason Jay kept himself busy with all the extra curricular activities he has in the university, joining the student council, signing up with different clubs. He’s making up from most of the things he missed. There’s no reason for Jake to be sad about it if Jay felt otherwise.

“Also, wouldn’t you be abroad by next year for your grad school. Where is it again? The internship and masters program you’ve been working hard for?”

“Right.” Jake sighed. He might be graduating but he won’’t be out of school either after that. “It’s on CERN in Switzerland.”

“Don’t tell me you want me to fly over there on your birthday?”

“Why not?”

“That got to be around 11hour-flight.” Jay eyed him in disbelief.

Jake raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been to Seattle. You’re point?”

“Meet halfway?”

“Halfway point is somewhere in Russia.”

Jay rolled his eyes and huffed. “You know what, you camp there, I’ll camp here. We’ll face time.”

They lapsed in silence nursing the beer on their hand, with nothing but the fizzling of woods on the small camp fire. They were getting ready for their third bottle when, Jay’s phone beeped.

“It’s 12. Happy Birthday, Sim Jaeyun.” He glanced at him grinning, face glazed with a little bit of alcohol, exhaustion and happiness. He stood and made quick trip inside their tent before Jake could thank him. He came back, with a medium box in an elegant velvet wrapper. “Here’s my gift.”

Jake looked suspiciously in the box. It felt heavy on his hand and it made no tell-tale sound when he shook it. He narrowed his eyes at Jay before he opened the gift. Jake was expecting some random and novelty gag gift like human feet shoes or big furry suit or a door knob since Jay had a penchant of giving those useless thing to him as gift to rile him up. He knew that the camping trip was the actual gift itself but Jay still insisted on giving a more traditional gift (Jay’s word but it was up debate) for the sake of social convention. When Jake finally unwrapped the gift, it took him a moment to figure out what he was looking at.

“Wow.” Jake breathed. Inside the box, was an antique gold plated sextant. It’s an instrument used on sea navigation by calculating angular distance between stars and the horizon. To say that Jake was surprised was an understatement. He kept glancing back and forth between Jay and the sextant in astonishment. It’s a well thought out gift especially for someone who loved space and astronomy and whose on his way to become an astrophysicist. “Thanks, Jay.”

“Well, Wonie and Sunoo helped me pick that up so…” Jay massaged the back of his neck.

Jake smirked. “Of course! I know classic Park Jongseong gift when I see one.”

“Hey! I paid.”

Jake laughed. He put the sextant back in the box. He stood and gave his best friend a quick hug. Jay let him for a moment before he pushed him way, mumbling to stop being too sappy. “I’m kidding. I really appreciate it. Well, you did actually surprise this time around, Park Jongseong.”

“Surprise?” Jake furrowed his eyebrows.

Jake blinked. “Isn’t this your surprise?”

“Oh, that.” The corners of Jay’s mouth quirked up. “Maybe.”

~0~

“By the way, I’ll go out later and buy us some more food.” Jay said the next morning over their breakfast.

Jake took a sip of his coffee, looking at Jay but his face was glued at his phone. “Don’t we have enough? I mean we’ll be back home tomorrow anyway.” He asked pointing to the cooler boxes where they store the food they brought.

“I want to make barbeque again.” Jay tossed him a brief glance before tapping back to his phone screen again. “We kinda eat all of the meat last night.”

“Then I’ll go with you.”

“What?” Jay looked alarmed for a moment. He shook his head. “No need. I’ll be quick. Just start preparing for lunch. The earlier we finish eating the earlier we can head to the trail.”

Jake stared at him oddly but before he could say anything Jay stood and went to their food box. He started pulling out plastic containers of the pre-packed ingredients for gochujang chicken and went on spewing instructions for Jake on what to do while waiting for him. Most of it flew past Jake who still doesn’t have enough caffeine in his system to digest the sudden barrage of information thrown his way. Not to mention that he still processing Jay’s weird, almost suspicious, reaction about him coming with him to get more meat. Or it could also mean he needs more caffeine.

Few minutes later, Jake watched Jay’s figure disappear at distance as he made his away to the camp ground’s entrance which was a good 20 to 30 minute walk from where they set up their tent. Shrugging off his thoughts about the strange interaction, he finished the remainder of his breakfast. After a minute of lazing around and enjoying the morning sun against the canopy of trees, he finally have the energy to move. He went to the bathroom stationed near their area to relieve himself and freshen up a little. When he came back, he felt decent enough to actually start doing the few things he remembered Jay told him to do. He was fumbling over their bags inside the tent looking for the extra lighter for the portable stove when he heard a noise from outside. Assuming it was Jay, he didn’t think much about it and continue his hunt for the lighter.

“Back already?” Jake called out as he ducked out the tent. He almost dropped the lighter on his hand when it wasn’t Jake that he saw. Sunoo putting out stuffs from his backpack to the table. “Sunoo!? What are you doing here?”

“Jake hyung!?” Sunoo exclaimed. He gaped at him eyes darting around, looking conflicted. “I mean we're supposed to— but Jay hyung said you shouldn’t be here right now.”

“Jay? Why would he say that? Where is he?” The mention of Jay’s name churned something on Jake’s gut.

“Uh, he went with Jungwon to get more drinks.” Sunoo pointed feebly towards the direction he came from.

“Jungwon’s here too?”

They both heard a loud ping before Sunoo could answer at the same time Jake felt his phone buzzing on his pocket.

“It’s Wonie. He said he had an emergency and Jay hyung was taking him back to Seoul.” Sunoo recited, staring at his phone, looking more confused than before if that’s even possible. “I’m not sure what’s happening.”

At that moment, it finally clicked to Jake what was happening especially after he read the message that Jay sent him.

From Jay-seong:

Surprise! You never see this coming don’t you? Well, enjoy the rest of the day (and the night *wink *wink) with Sunoo. Make the most out of it. You can thank me later my dear best friend.

Shit, Jake thought, so this was his plan all along. This was the reason Jay was busy on his phone earlier, why he wanted to buy more food and why he became so dodgy when Jake wanted to come along with him. He hastily replied to Jay with threat of punching him in the face and letting Layla loose in his shoe room after he sort this pickle he put him in.

“I think those two left us here.” Jake bit his lips, glancing at Sunoo.

“You mean they planned this? Why?” Sunoo frowned, eyebrow creasing. “The plan is us surprising you.”

If only Jake could tell Sunoo that he got double crossed. All because Jay and apparently Jungwon thought Jake was in denial and this was their divine intervention to make Jake admit that his feelings for him. Even in Jake’s head, it sounded so ridiculous. He was smart enough to know if he likes someone especially if that someone is Sunoo. What if Sunoo learned about this? It would only make things between them awkward. Also, on how Jay manage to rope in Jungwon in this ruse was beyond Jake. Jungwon was suppose to be the voice of reason and not someone who enable Jay and his preposterous notions.

“I’m sorry Sunoo, this is just some misunderstanding.” Jake sighed, eyes darting around the camp. “You know what, let me pack this up and we’ll go back as well, hmm?”

Sunoo blinked, looking at his bag on the table then back to Jake as his frown transformed into a pout.

Jake silently hoped that Sunoo wouldn’t think about this situation much because Jake had no idea on how would he handle it when Sunoo caught a whiff of what was out play in here.

“We can stay.”

“What?” Jake stopped at his tracks, doubling over at Sunoo.

Sunoo lowered his gaze. “It’s your birthday. I don’t want to be the one to ruin your plans.”

“No, no, no.” Jake waved his hands frantically. “Don’t blame yourself on this one. This all Park Jongseong.”

“But still, I feel bad if this ends like this. We can stay. I mean if that’s ok with you, hyung?”

“Oh.” Jake faltered unsure of what to say. If he said no, there’s no doubt that Sunoo will more or less beat himself up for ruining this trip but if they stayed, it feels like they were playing right out in Jay’s plan.

“Oh?” Sunoo shot him a quizzical look.

“I mean, are you sure?”

Sunoo shrugged with a small smile. “I’m already here and I’m all prepared for this anyway.”

Jake stared at Sunoo not conflicted with the initial dilemma but more of what will happen now that this most likely go in the direction Jay wanted. But it shouldn’t be much of a big deal, right? It’s not like Jay’s baseless assumption would be any true either way. Right?

“Do you not want to?” Sunoo asked after a moment as Jake agonized with his thoughts.

“Yes— No! I mean I want to.” Jake rambled, scratching his cheek with his index finger. “I’m just thinking what to do now.”

Sunoo tilted his head. “Well, what’s supposed to be your plan today?”

“Eat lunch and go to the nearby lake.”

“Then let’s do that, Jake hyung!” Sunoo grinned at him.

“Okay.” Jake nodded absently. He still couldn’t process that Sunoo was actually here with him and now was about to camp with him in his birthday.

~0~

The first 30 minutes of preparing lunch dragged like hours. The last time Jake recalled he felt that kind of awkwardness was during the second study session with Sunoo in the café hours before Jake finally asked him to friends. The only difference this time was the fact that Jake can tell Sunoo was on the same boat as him too. He couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or not though much less why there was tension at all. Is it because it was only the two of them now? But this was not the first time they’ve been alone together. How could this one be any different? This was all because of Jay. Jake remembered the conversation he had with Jay the prior week and the multiple times he looked up Park Sunghoon in the internet and how, in the back of his mind, he kept thinking about Park Sunghoon being Sunoo’s crush every time he sees Sunoo now. All because of Jay putting baseless ideas in his head.

Thankfully, Sunoo broke the ice when he brought up about their conversation about their cooking skills or the lack thereof when they burned the first batch of samgyupsal. Jake was quick enough to capitalized that opportunity to slowly clear the air of this weird tension that shouldn’t be there in the first place. By the time they finished eating and discussed about how to get back at Jay and Jungwon for leaving them there, Jake could say things were back to normal.

In the afternoon, they went for the planned trek to a nearby lake inside the camp ground. Jake has been looking forward to it. He heard from Jay that it was picturesque especially during this time of the year. He couldn’t remember the last time he’s been on a lake and he couldn’t help but wonder what would it will look like with all the auburn leaves and autumn foliage around. Would Sunoo like it too? Jake hoped that he would.

They have been walking for more than half an hour and should be past halfway on the trail when Sunoo asked, “Hyung, when did this tradition of camping out during your birthday started?”

Jake paused, side-glancing at Sunoo. “On my eleventh birthday.” He answered, smiling. He could see it in Sunoo’s face that he was counting how many years this has been going. “When I was ten, almost of my school friends can’t stop talking about how they spent their vacation hiking and camping out. It became some short-lived fad that you can brag about in our school back then. Being young, naive boys that wanted nothing but to fit in, my brother and I begged our parents to go on a trip on nearest national park. But of course they don’t let us, so we decided doing it in our backyard as a practice of some sort. It’s far from perfect because we’re insisting to do it on our own. But even with that, I still enjoyed and loved every bit of it.”

Sunoo hummed. He didn’t say anything for a moment then he asked, “What makes you love it so much?”

“I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.” Jake chuckled when Sunoo shot him a puzzled look. He ran a hand on his hair, looking ahead of the trail. “I mean it’s cheesy. Well, I like looking at the stars and camping out gave me the chance to stare at it as much as I want and it’s so different if your outside especially when there’s no light pollution. The night sky became darker and then there’s more stars. A lot of them. And they’re brighter and more beautiful and more real if that makes sense. It’s like I’m having an out of body experience, like I’m dreaming but I’m awake. For a moment, I feel small and insignificant to how big the world and the universe is. Could there be someone out there looking back at our planet too? I always end up wondering about that. ” Jake felt his face heat up when he saw Sunoo studying him. He shook his head with a shy smile. “I told you it’s cheesy.”

“You still love it though. Cheesiness and all.” Sunoo laughed. He lifted his hand, patting Jake on the back. “Don’t worry, hyung. I’m all cheesy and poetic with things I love too.”

“So… yeah, from then on I took every camping opportunity that I can get. That’s why that’s all I ask for my parents for my birthday.”

“Your family hyung, are they all back in Australia?”

“Yeah.” Jake sighed. “I bet they will love this place if they’re here.”

When Jake glanced at Sunoo, he was studying him with a downcast eyes. In a quiet voice he said, “It must’ve been so hard being this far away from them especially on days like this.”

“It is but it’s ok Sunoo-ya.” Jake raised his hand and squeezed Sunoo’s shoulder with a smile. “I got to talk to them last night and I’m going to see them during the Christmas break anyway. It’s not that bad.”

“Really? That’s nice to hear that you get to see them soon. I’m happy for you, hyung!” Sunoo brightened up that Jake almost felt he was more excited than him to see his family. Now that Jake thinks about it, it would be nice if could introduce Sunoo to his family. They would adore him there's no doubt on that, Jake was certain. One day, maybe.

“Thanks. I missed them. I can’t wait to see them soon.” Jake said.

For a moment, an amicable silence reigned in. Jake uncoiled the map of the campground in a swift motion. He traced the trail line on the map with his thumb. They should arrive at the destination any minute now.

“What about you Sunoo-ya, do you like camping or hiking too?” Jake asked putting aside the map back to his coat’s pocket.

Sunoo hummed in contemplation, then he chuckled. “Honestly, hyung. Not really. I’m not that outdoorsy kind of person. I’m sure you figured that by now. You can say this is my first real camping experience.”

Jake stopped on his tracks. He turned to Sunoo, looking appalled. “Why didn’t you say so earlier? You should’ve told me. We can still go back now. It’s not that late.”

“It’s fine, hyung.” Sunoo shook his head. “I told you we can stay. I want to celebrate your birthday the way you wanted it to be.

“But I feel horrible if you’re putting up with this for me.” The last thing that Jake wanted was to put anyone to a position they never wanted to be in for his own sake, especially if it’s Sunoo.

“I don’t, hyung. Personally, I want to try it too.”

“Are your sure?”

Sunoo nodded. “It’s not like I hate it. I just never tried it, and I thought, if I do something I haven’t done before, maybe everything else will become easy even for a bit.”

Jake stared at Sunoo for a moment, well aware of the implication. Sighing he said, “Still, tell me if you start feeling uncomfortable, okay?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be when I’m with you, hyung.” Sunoo replied without a beat.

“What?”

“Everything feels comfortable with you, Jake hyung.”

Jake stood there, speechless while Sunoo casually went back walking down the trail, leaving him tingling in electric current with ghost of a foxy smile. How could Sunoo throw words like that like it was not a big deal? Like Sunoo expected Jake to merely hear it and not feel anything with it. Jake was trying hard to not to put much into it because Sunoo might be saying things like that to his close friends all the time. To Jungwon? Ni-ki? Most likely. To Park Sunghoon? Probably. It shouldn’t be any different if he said that to Jake, right? But despite all the rationalization Jake did in his head, he still feel lightheaded, he still feel a little bit special hearing those.

The sound of Sunoo’s voice calling him out couple of yards away snapped Jake out his dazed.

“Hyung, why aren’t you moving? I can see the lake from here. It’s beautiful!”

Jake stared at Sunoo flailing his hands beckoning him to follow quickly, trying to contain the eagerness on his feet at the sight of the lake. As if enchanted by his voice, Jake felt himself moving towards Sunoo. His steps were light but deliberate and all the while his eyes never left Sunoo like he was trying to memorize the soft outline of his face and how his faded pink hair shimmer under the afternoon light.

“Let’s take a picture hyung and send it to Wonie and Jay hyung to make them regret leaving us here. Can’t believe those two pass their chance to see this gorgeous scenery.” Sunoo said, dragging Jake by his wrist as soon as he was in arms reach.

Jake let himself be pulled away thinking full well that no matter how breathtaking the lake turned out to be, it would still only be the second most beautiful view he saw at that time.

~0~

Later that night, when the campfire they made earlier that evening have died down a bit to mostly small translucent flames and glowing embers, Jake received a birthday gift from Sunoo. He stared at the small green box Sunoo was holding in front of him with mixture of confusion and surprise.

“Happy birthday, Jake hyung." Jake heard him say in a soft cheery voice.

“You shouldn’t have bothered, Sunoo-ya but thanks.” Jake rasps, taking the gift to his hand. He didn’t expect to receive a gift from Sunoo. He already considered that the sextant he got last night was all from Jay, Jungwon and Sunoo. How did he become so lucky today? The mere fact that Sunoo was with him to right now was a gift in itself. As much as Jake was annoyed with Jay (and Jungwon by extension) for tricking the two of them here, it actually turned as one of the most pleasant surprises Jake experienced for a long while. He would never admit it to Jay though. He didn't want to encourage and stroke his ego even more.

“You made this?” Jake asked in amazement, taking out a small clear bottle perfume from the box.

Sunoo nodded. “I don’t have money to buy you gifts like Jay hyung so I made you this.” He said. “When Jungwon told me about on your tradition of camping out I thought you’ll like this scent.”

Jake gingerly took the cap off and spray it on his wrist. He pulled it close to his nose and sniffed. “This smells woodsy… like forest.”

“It’s pine tree scent mixed with oakmoss.”

“It’s so light and refreshing. Wow, you’re really good at this.” Jake gave him a thumbs up.

“I want you to feel like you’re out there in the forest when you wore it. I’m glad you like it.”

Was it just the glow from the campfire or Sunoo’s cheeks looks red?

Jake grinned. “Of course, I like it! Thank you, Sunoo-ya! I’ll use it well.”

“If you ran out of it, let me know hyung. I’ll give you another bottle for 50 thousand won.”

“Sure.” Jake shrugged.

“I’m kidding, hyung.” Sunoo gaped in incredulity. “About paying in money, I mean. I can accept in kind payment though. Like teaching me organic chem.” He added with a cheeky smile.

“Sold.”

They shared a knowing look, trying to hold their laughter for a moment before failing miserably in the end.

When they laughter subsided, Jake asked, “Why do you want to be perfumer, Sunoo?”

“How do I put this?” Sunoo tilted his head, looking away to the treeline. He seemed mulling over it, nostalgia grazing his features. “I’m always been into scents and colognes and stuffs but, at first, I’m pretty sure that I’ll be majoring on art or literature. However, when I’m a senior in high school I read an article about how there is this very close link between smell and memory and I became fascinated with it. Most of us wanted to forget bad memories or experience yet somehow, that’s what we remembered the most. I realized I want to make scents that will make people remember of the good stuffs, of the happy memories that often get buried by the things that often haunt us. The smell that will make people feel safe or remind them of a special place or home or a specific moment or that childhood hobbies they’ve forgotten along the way. You know, like how photographers took pictures and freezes one specific event at time. I want to be like that but instead of picture, it will be in a small bottle of perfume or a candle.” Sunoo glanced at Jake face breaking into a foxy smile. “See? I’m as sentimental with things I like too.”

Jake was reminded of that time when he told Sunoo why he chose to study physics and how Sunoo told him that he should have seen his face while he talked about it. He never fully grasp what Sunoo meant with that but, Jake had a clearer idea now. The marvel on his face. Sincerity on his eyes. Passion on his voice. Was that how Jake looked like as well back then? Shaking his head, he said, “That’s beautiful… and thoughtful.”

Sunoo looked shy for a moment, burying half of his face on his knees as he hugged his legs tightly to his body. “So, now every time I smell that forest scent it will always remind me of you, hyung. It will remind me of this time.”

“Me too.” Jake murmured.

After that, there’s only the crackling of the embers and charcoal of the dying campfire between them, crickets humming along with it. They sat there with nothing but a small dying light separating them but with a thousand specks of starlight above them. With no moon in sight, the midnight sky loomed overhead like the darkest eyes looking back at them.

“You’re right, hyung.” Sunoo said, breaking the silence.

“Hm?” When Jake turned to him, Sunoo’s head was inclined upwards.

“How sky and the stars are different when you’re out here.” Sunoo’s soft voice floated in the cold air like lullaby.

Jake’s eyes flickered to the sky and back to Sunoo. He watched Sunoo raise his hand, tracing the constellations with his fingertips. “They’re mesmerizing.”

“Good thing that we stayed.”

Jake couldn’t agree more to that. Now every time Jake would look at the night sky, it will remind him of this time. It will remind him of Sunoo.

~0~

Early morning of the next day, Jake woke up first. The temperature dropped a little less than the day before. Misty air hang like curtain. Birds singing from the outside. Sun peeking from the horizon. Sunlight barely glimpse through the tent. He closed his eyes and snuggled to his sleeping bag in reflex, curling closer to a lump of warmth beside him. Fabrics rustled against each other. As he rolled to his side, his head bumping into something. Someone.

With a soft groan, Jake fluttered his eyes open and he was greeted by pale pink strands of hair, with roots of black. A minute of staring, of focusing his vision before it dawned into his sleep clouded brain. Someone was with him. It’s not Jay. Jay doesn’t have a pink hair. Jake only knew one person with pink hair that could be with him right now.

Sunoo.

Jake froze, suddenly awake, eyes bulge like saucers. He clamped his mouth to prevent a small gasp escaping from his mouth. A beat of stillness passed. He knew this should be the moment for him to move away without waking Sunoo up. But Jake didn’t. He held himself in place and dared to take this chance to study Sunoo’s face only a breath away, to bask a little bit more in his warmth and the fading smell of his fruity cologne. Pale skin of milk, smooth and soft and round as pearl under the morning light. Long eyelashes and plump cheeks. Sunoo looked like peaceful like a child sleeping in that one summer afternoon when it rained out of the blue. As Jake listened to the shallow breathing from Sunoo’s parted lips, the events of from last 18 hours rolled in tape records and polaroids nailed by colorful push pins on a cork board in front of him. Sunoo’s contagious laughter echoing, his quiet voice soothing him in, how the flames of the campfire danced on his eyes, his gaze boring holes at the sky. Jake wouldn’t mind to hear it again and again and see it again and again. And its funny that he also wouldn’t mind mind waking up every morning like this, with Sunoo beside him if only Jake could trace his fingers on Sunoo’s face.

All of the sudden, Sunoo stirred a bit in his sleep, pulling Jake out of his stupor. With a careful motion, he slipped away from the comforting bubble of Sunoo’s proximity. He sat there thinking of what had just happened, asking himself if it’s normal for him to think of those things about Sunoo. They were just friends. It felt strange to harbor that kind of thoughts for someone he only think of as a friend. But strange in a good way, in a warm and fuzzy in the stomach way. It didn’t feel this kind different before but, now it does. Something has changed.

Jake shook the thought out of his head and sighed. He will figure it out later. Now, he needed to move. Jake wiggled out of his sleeping bag, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not stir Sunoo up. When he threw him one last glance before getting up, Sunoo’s eyes cracked open like sun ripping the sky at dawn. Jake stopped, petrified. Their eyes met.

Sunoo blinked, squinting at him for a moment, a soft smile blossomed on his chapped lips. “Hello, Jake hyung. Good morning.”

Time stilled. Air punched out of Jake’s lungs. His heart rattled inside his rib cage on how low and hoarse Sunoo’s morning voice was. How it sounded like honey in a warm tea. Thousands of future mornings waking up and hearing that simple greeting flashed before his eyes.

“G-good morning, Sunoo-ya.” Jake averted his gaze, unable to hold the weight of it. He clenched his fist so tight that his knuckles turned white in his effort to fight urge of burying his flushed face on the sheets.

All at once, Jake found himself trapped in a Soyuz capsule plunging back into Earth’s atmosphere. Gravity pulling it in with a tremendous force that the friction of its metal surface and air sparked it aflame in his descent down in the mesosphere. The answer on why it felt different came crashing along with it. On what changed. No more figuring it out later. He was smart enough to know this feeling. And a little brave enough to admit it to himself this time too.

But Jay was wrong. He didn’t like Sunoo because this feels way past that point.