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Alex isn't sure how he and Nagata keep running into one another: it's not like they're friends or anything. Nagata's still that bastard who kicked him in the face during a soccer game, and Alex - well, Alex is probably still that guy who got Nagata to lose his temper and get in trouble over it.
Still, it's not like it's Nagata's fault or anything, so Alex says, "Hey," like he's maybe sort of glad to see Nagata, and Nagata, being a more or less okay guy off the field says,
"Are you all right?"
Alex's brains need a moment to catch up to the fact that walking on with a nod or something would, in fact, be kind of rude. Tempting, but rude. He says, "What - why would you even ask that? Do I not look all right?"
Nagata studies his face, then says, "I thought you might have bad dreams. About ... things."
Alex takes this to mean that Nagata has bad dreams about ... things. "Nah."
"Okay," Nagata says. "Good."
"Yeah," Alex says, and he could have walked on - probably should have done that, in hindsight, except that he does have bad dreams, actually, and it sucks, because he's saved the frigging world: if anything, he should have great dreams, with, like, rainbows and unicorns and kicking Nagata in the face a hundred times or something. "I mean, my brother's dead, so that's, you know. Not great."
"I'm sorry for your loss," Nagata says, and it's a rote phrase, the same thing anyone would say, has said.
It's not like Alex goes around telling random people and complete strangers that his brother's dead, but yeah. Lots of people have told him they're sorry for his loss.
Alex is sure they all meant it too. Doesn't change the way he feels. Doesn't change the facts.
"I mean that," Nagata says, and Alex realizes that great, he's made Nagata uncomfortable by not saying anything. "If there's anything I can do to help ... "
"There isn't," Alex says, too quickly. He wants ... he doesn't know what he wants. He's gotten a promotion, a medal. Important people have shaken his head to thank him for his service, for saving the world. Sam's broken up with him, or he's broken up with Sam, whatever. "You're ... he's dead, all right? There's nothing anyone can do. And I'm all right, okay? No bad dreams."
Nagata looks at him like he knows exactly how much Alex is bullshitting here, and then he says, "Can I buy you a drink?" like yeah, that's going to make everything better.
"I didn't know him very well, but your brother seemed like a good man," Nagata says, some indeterminate amount of time later. "I think I would have liked him."
Alex isn't sure how they've landed on the topic of his brother. Like, he's not stupid. Talking isn't going to solve anything. "Yeah, well, shows how much you know. My brother ... he was a stickler for the rules. Always on my case about doing better, being better. Making something of myself. God. He made me so mad at him sometimes, you know?"
Nagata grins. "As I said, I think I would have liked him."
"Right," Alex says, because no, he's got this. "Because you make me mad at you too."
"Present tense?" Nagata asks.
Alex isn't sure if it's a question about English grammar or a question about his feelings. "Definitely present tense," he says, even though that's not really true. That moment when he thought that he was going to die, that they were both going to die ... 'it's been an honor,' he said, and he meant it.
Nagata scoffs, then says, "You know, I have bad dreams. If you want to talk."
"You - " Alex says, because he's pretty sure Nagata's not allowed to say things like that. It's in the rules or something. "Why would I want to talk about your bad dreams? Your dreams, your problem, man."
"Of course," Nagata says. "My apologies if I overstepped."
Alex figures he could let it go. He's gotten some free drinks. That's good. Nothing says he can't go and pay for some more, then go back home and call it a night. "That's a shitty apology, you know that? Like, are you even listening to yourself?"
Nagata gives him a look. "Do you really want to get into another fight? A - how do you say? Bar brawl?"
"Yeah, that's right," Alex says, giving it a couple of seconds before adding, "That's how we call it."
"I think you should talk to someone," Nagata says.
"I am talking to someone, aren't I? I'm talking to someone right now," Alex says. He imagines punching Nagata in the face. It's what he wants to do right now, he thinks, except for the part where it isn't, because punching Nagata in the face isn't going to fix anything either.
He can imagine being called in for a dressing down, another reprimand. They're not going to drum him out of the Navy, of course, not the guy who saved the world. Not the guy who lost his brother, who got a Navy Cross. Not Lieutenant Commander Alex Hopper.
Nagata sighs. "You're making this very difficult."
"Wow," Alex says, "I'm so sorry. I mean, obviously, since you bought me a drink, I should have - " and then his brains and mouth both grind to a halt, because something about the way he phrased that and the way the expression on Nagata's face shifted just a bit is very ... "Oh. Well, shit."
Nagata looks wry. "Don't get me wrong. Just because I tried to pick you up, that doesn't mean I don't also respect you as a friend."
"Friends don't kick other friends in the face," Alex says. His brains seem stuck on shit, Nagata's hitting on me, and figuring out what he's going to do about that, because ... shit.
"You have got to let that go," Nagata says. "I think we made a good team."
"There's no we in team," Alex says on auto-pilot, before he realizes how dumb that sounds.
"You don't need to worry," Nagata says, sounding like he finds the way he's just completely upended Alex's worldview amusing. "I know no means no. It was only a thought."
"Jesus," Alex says. "Way to take all the romance out of it, man."
Nagata smiles. Alex's brain insists on stupidly pointing out to him that it makes Nagata look pretty attractive. More attractive. Kind of sexy. "Apologies. Again. Perhaps I should have asked you to get me a - what was it again? A chicken burrito?"
Alex swears to find whoever the hell has told Nagata that story and end them as the fucking traitor they are. (He suspects Raikes, except that he's pretty sure he can't take her in a fair fight, on account of being her superior officer and all that, so.)
"Listen, if anyone's going to get anyone a chicken burrito, it's going to be you getting me one, all right? Not the other way around."
"I don't actually know what a 'chicken burrito' is," Nagata says.
They end up back at Alex's apartment, because he's still got a truckload of chicken burritos in his freezer from when Sam - from when he used to eat them all the time.
Alex feels kind of like an idiot watching Nagata sit on his couch eating one. "So that's a chicken burrito."
"It's not bad," Nagata says, and Alex can tell it's meant to annoy him.
"All right," he says. "So do you want to go back to wherever now or ... ?" Part of him hopes Nagata will say 'yes'. Part of him hopes Nagata will say 'no'. Part of him is really tired of this shit, of keeping up appearances all the time, because God forbid anyone sees him as a regular human being.
"What do you want?" Nagata asks.
"Don't - don't do that," Alex says. "Don't turn this around on me. You told me that you didn't know what a chicken burrito was - well, now you do. You're welcome."
Nagata considers. Alex gets the feeling Nagata's trying to determine how drunk he is, as if they haven't both had the exact same number of beers - and yet you don't see Alex checking on Nagata's level of sobriety, do you? "Thank you for inviting me back to your apartment."
"You're welcome," Alex says. "Again."
Nagata smiles and shit, Alex wishes Nagata would stop doing that.
They spend a couple of hours? minutes? seconds? in a silence that Alex finds deeply uncomfortable, especially since he's pretty sure that Nagata's playing him, like obviously, Nagata's not saying anything so that Alex will break first and say something, and Alex isn't going to, he's not, he's as good as Nagata, or better, and Nagata totally kicked him in the face in an illegal kind of way and -
"I've got an extra toothbrush if you want to like, brush your teeth before we make out or whatever."
Nagata's expression is startled, like he's genuinely surprised.
Alex wonders if he's going to regret this tomorrow. "Bathroom's through there." Probably not until at least several weeks from now, he decides. And there's no way Nagata's sticking around here for more than a couple of days, so it's not like they're going to be seeing all that much of each other anyway, so.
So what? he tells himself, putting another chicken burrito in the microwave.