Chapter Text
London – Spring 2021
Avalon Mental Health
“They say I tried to kill myself,” he said his voice flat and dismissive.
“And what do you believe happened?” Dr. Emily Cannon asked, leaning forward in her chair to study the young man currently sprawled across the sofa in her small but comfortable office.
He sat with his impossibly long legs outstretched, crossed at the ankles, arms folded defensively over his chest. One hand habitually running through his thick dark hair or tugging at the neck of his white T-shirt. His blue jeans, worn through at the knees, fit him like a second skin. Old mottled brown leather boots lay on the rug, where he’d kicked them off as soon as he’d sat down. The staff had tried repeatedly to make him wear the slip-on shoes the other patients wore, but he refused to part with those boots.
His piercing blue eyes were so filled with shadows…deep shadows that cloaked his past and masked his pain. While, in many ways, he seemed younger than his twenty-six years, those eyes bore the weight of a thousand lifetimes.
“Aren’t you supposed to have all the answers?” he asked, his expression unreadable. Biting his thumbnail, his eyes closed tightly as if holding back tears that weren’t there. His arms moved up even higher on his chest.
The young man’s anxiety level was rising. Dr. Cannon recognized all the signs from their past sessions. She was losing him. “What’s the first thing you remember after you were found? The paramedics said you were lying unconscious on the riverbank. You were covered in blood, but there were no visible injuries.”
“I remember waking up in the emergency room of the hospital with a blinding headache, freezing my ass off.”
“What was the last thing you remember from before the incident?”
“I remember eating at a café then taking a walk through the park. I saw a child, a little girl with a white kitten, her eyes were sparkling with excitement. Her mother asked me for the time, but I didn’t have my phone or a watch. She smiled and thanked me anyway.” He paused for a moment, there was a flicker of something in his eyes before he continued. “I decided to walk down by the river. There was a sound, it was familiar, but I couldn’t place it. After that, everything went black, and I woke up in the hospital.”
“The sound you heard, was it mechanical? Human-made? Maybe an animal?”
“Human I think.”
“Merlin, if you help me to help you, maybe you will be able to go home.”
Merlin scoffed, “Home…right. A small, empty room in a cold building…four walls, a bed, and a bathroom. I might as well stay here. Though the food is disgusting.”
“Don’t you have a family? Friends?”
“I did, long ago…not anymore.”
“They all left you?”
Merlin chuckled softly, “Let’s just say The Fates have a favorite joke, and I’m the punchline.”
“I need you to tell me the truth, Merlin.”
“Do you want the real truth?” he asked, “Or the truth you will believe?”
“We are going in circles here.”
“So, it would seem,” Merlin smirked.
“How do you expect me to help you if you aren’t willing to work with me and get to the bottom of the problem?” Dr. Cannon asked.
“I am beyond saving…definitely not worth the effort,” he said, head tilting as his eyes seemed to follow the delicate floral pattern of the rug on the floor to where it disappeared beneath her mahogany desk.
“Is that why you tried to kill yourself?”
“If only you knew just how utterly absurd that question truly is,” Merlin said, giving her a crooked grin then he shifted his position, placing his feet on the floor.
“Why is it so absurd?”
“One cannot kill what will always be.”
Dr. Cannon studied him silently for a moment, “You truly are a riddle aren’t you, Merlin?”
“Funny, someone said that to me before,” Merlin sat back, laughing heartily, his eyes suddenly coming alive, sparkling with mirth.
“Who said that to you?”
“Does it really matter?”
“Actually, it does, because it seems that person meant something to you.”
“He did.”
“Who was he?”
Merlin stared at her intently before his lips parted in a genuine, but wistful smile. “His name was Arthur Pendragon, the King of Camelot.”
Dr. Cannon sat back in her chair eyeing him with curiosity. This was the first time she had managed to break through his walls and the first time he’d spoken with absolute sincerity. As crazy as his revelation seemed, there was something deep down that told her he was telling the truth…his truth at least.
“Well? Aren’t you going to tell me I am insane? Call in the men with the white coats and have me committed?” he asked, his voice tinged with humor, uncertainty, and a hint of sadness.
“No, Merlin, you are not insane.”
Merlin looked at her oddly his arms dropping away from his chest. “I’m not?”
“No, you’re not.”
“That is not the response I am used to getting,” he said with a sheepish grin that made her smile.
“Tell me about him,” Dr. Cannon said, running her fingers through her long red hair.
“Really?”
“If you want to,” she held out her hands, “I genuinely want to know.”
Merlin tilted his head slightly, the shadows in his eyes had retreated, at least for the moment, and he was more relaxed than she had ever seen him. He seemed almost happy as his lips parted and he huffed a laugh. She felt something shift between them in that moment.
“You’re messing with me, aren’t you?” he asked.
“Not at all. It is obvious to me that this man meant something to you.”
Merlin nodded slightly then he smiled, “He was everything to me.”
“What happened to him?”
“He died…I was supposed to save him, but I failed,” Merlin said, his smile faltering, but he remained open and focused. “It was my destiny and I failed.”
“So, you blame yourself for his death?” Dr. Cannon asked.
Merlin nodded, his arms crossing over his chest again. “I knew he would die; I did everything to prevent it. But he died there in my arms on the shore of Avalon.”
“Avalon?” she asked.
“Yes, the Lake of Avalon.”
“Like in the books?”
Merlin chuckled, “Like in the books. Well, there is much they got wrong, but yeah.”
Dr. Cannon leaned forward meeting his gaze, “Merlin, how old are you really?”
“What?” he asked guardedly.
“Just answer the question, humor me,” she said.
“You are asking me how old I am?”
“Yes.”
“Now I know you’re playing with me.”
“Merlin…”
“Fine…if you must know I am fifteen-hundred-twenty-six…give or take a decade. After the first thousand years I sort of stopped counting.”
Dr. Cannon sat up straight in her chair. She knew she should laugh, but there was something about him. As much as her mind screamed that he was lying, her heart believed him. She studied his eyes as he watched her, waiting for a reaction.
“Dr. Cannon?” Merlin asked wryly, “Phone…men in white coats?”
“What?” she asked then shook her head, “No, I’m not going to do that. Because I believe you.”
Merlin’s eyebrows shot up his eyes widened, “Really?”
“Yes, Merlin.”
“Then perhaps you should call them for yourself,” he smirked.
“Maybe I should,” she laughed.
“You really do believe me?”
“Merlin, you may look young, but your eyes are ancient. No normal twenty-six-year-old has seen enough to carry such an immense burden. Dr. Cannon leaned forward again, “You are the Merlin of legend then…King Arthur…it is all true.”
“Yes, well, the basis is true. But with time and countless retellings, the stories have been altered and facts jumbled. Arthur Pendragon was very real, he was the king of Camelot, and he was my best friend.”
“Then you have magic?” she asked.
Merlin stared at her for a moment then nodded, “I do.”
“Can you show me, sometime?” she asked.
“Sorry, I still can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that you actually believe me,” he said, “It’s just that no one has ever cared enough to even attempt to fathom me out.”
“Merlin,” Dr. Cannon said, “While I will admit, a small part of me wants to run out of this room and never look back, the rest of me needs to make sense of this…of you. I have always believed there are things out there that defy all logic and science. I have been doing this long enough to know with certainty that there are some truths which cannot be suppressed in a haze of drugs or erased by endless psychiatric therapy.”
Merlin’s eyes glistened with tears, “Thank you.”
“Now tell me about this destiny.”
“When Arthur died, I was told by Kilgharrah that he would return when Albion needed him most. I was made immortal so that when that time came, I would be here to help him find his way in whatever century he found himself in. But with all the bad in the world, all the wars, violence, and bloodshed he never returned. Eventually, I just gave up hope.”
“What if he has returned now, and you just need to find him?”
“You think Arthur is back?”
“I don’t know, but it’s possible, isn’t it?”
“You think that my ending up half-drowned and bloody on the riverbank, with no memory of what happened, has something to do with Arthur?”
“Something definitely happened to you. And if Arthur has returned, the key to finding him may lie in getting to the bottom of what happened that night.”
“And how do I do that?” Merlin asked.
Dr. Cannon fell silent for a moment. She reached for his file flipping through the contents slowly. “There is nothing helpful in here,” she said, then getting up from her chair, she walked over to where her bag was, shoving it inside. “First thing we have to do is get you out of here.”
“How?” Merlin asked.
“I cannot release you without Dr. Garrison’s approval and he will not sign off on your release for at least another week as you are still on suicide watch.”
“So, I am stuck here another week?” Merlin frowned.
“Not necessarily,” she smiled, “We’ll disguise you somehow.”
Merlin’s lips parted in a grin that lit up his whole face, “You’re serious?”
“Stay here for a moment, I will be right back,” she left the office only to return a few minutes later with a set of scrubs and a photo ID badge. She handed him the scrubs. “Slip these on over your clothes, they are probably going to be a little big on you. Once we are clear you can toss them.” She proceeded to carefully slice open the end of the ID badge and swapped out the photo for the one in Merlin’s file.
“You’re taking a huge risk for me, Dr. Cannon,” Merlin frowned, “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, and since we are about to commit a felony together, you can call me Emily.”
“Thank you, Emily,” Merlin grinned, standing before her dressed in the scrubs as she reached up slipping the lanyard over his head patting the badge once it was resting in the center of his chest.
“Now, we just have to hope people won’t recognize you when we leave the office.”
“I can cast a spell. It won’t hurt anyone, they will see me, but not recognize me.”
Emily smiled, “Will it work on the cameras as well?”
“It should.”
“Okay, we will leave the office and head straight for the elevator. It will take us directly to the parking level, my car is parked only a few spaces from the exit.”
“Where will I go?” Merlin asked, “Being gone more than a month, I’ve forfeited my empty room.”
“You’re coming home with me.”
Merlin looked at her, eyebrow raised, “You’re really going to take your emotionally disturbed patient home with you? There are more than a few psychological thrillers that suggest that’s a bad idea,” he chuckled.
“I wouldn’t know,” Emily smiled, “I’m more into mysteries, actually.”
“And I am a mystery, is that it?” Merlin asked.
“Yes, and one I fully intend to solve.”
“You’re really going to do this for me? You are risking your job.”
“You are my last patient for the day, I am already scheduled for vacation the next two weeks. That should give us time to figure things out before anyone suspects I am involved in your escape.”
“Wait, your laptop has access to the whole network, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, why?”
“If you will allow me to use it, I can take myself out of the system. Then, with a little magic, I can wipe all memory of me from the staff. There’s nothing I can do about the police report, but if they come back asking questions they won’t get very far if there is no record and no memory of me ever being here.”
Emily went back to her desk, opening her laptop. Merlin watched over her shoulder as she logged in then stood back to let him work. Within ten minutes Merlin ceased to exist in the systems of Avalon Mental Health. All traces of him erased including video, audio, and anything that would connect Dr. Cannon to him was wiped.
“It’s like I was never here,” Merlin grinned as he shut down the laptop and closed it.
“Why do I get the feeling it is not the first time you’ve done this type of thing?”
“Because it isn’t,” he said with a shrug and a quirked eyebrow.
“Just how did a fifteen-hundred-year-old sorcerer become an expert in the field of technology?”
“I am immortal, I have a whole lot of spare time to fill. A few courses at the university, random jobs…some legal, some questionable, I can hack with the best of them.”
“Right then, well, let’s get you out of here,” Emily said then grabbing her bag and jacket, she headed for the door with Merlin right behind her.
No one gave them a second glance in the hallways, even the security guards and the nurses who had been in Merlin’s orbit for the past month looked at him with no sign of recognition. They reached the open elevator and stepped inside. Before the doors could close Dr. Garrison followed them in, smiled at Merlin then looked to Emily.
“Going home, Dr. Cannon?”
“Yes, it’s my last day. I have two weeks off.”
“Wonderful, are you doing anything fun?”
“Helping a friend,” she smiled at Merlin over Dr. Garrison’s shoulder.
“Well, enjoy,” he said, then got off the elevator on the first floor leaving them to ride the rest of the way to the parking garage alone.
“I can’t believe that actually worked,” Emily laughed as they exited the elevator and hurried toward her car. She pushed the unlock button and the lights flashed.
“And here I thought you had faith in me,” Merlin grinned as he quickly shed the scrubs tossing them into the rubbish bin. He shoved the ID badge into the back pocket of his jeans, then slid into the passenger seat of the bright blue, four-door BMW. “Nice car.”
“Thank you,” Emily said, “It was a gift from my parents when I got my position here almost two years ago.”
“Are you sure you want to get involved, Emily? I could just take off and figure things out on my own. It may be dangerous, and I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you.”
“Too late, I am already involved. I am going to help you and there is nothing you can do to change my mind. Besides, I have connections that you will need in order to sort this out, so don’t even think about taking off on me.”
“Yes, Ma’am,” Merlin said as he put on his seatbelt.
“And don’t call me Ma’am,” Emily glared at him, “You’re older than me.”
“Sorry,” he chuckled.
“And before you ask, I am thirty-two,” she smiled.
“Really? You look much younger.”
“I would normally take that as a compliment but considering that you are over fifteen hundred years old everyone looks younger to you,” Emily laughed.
“You’re not wrong.”
Emily started the engine and drove out of the parking garage. The security guard barely looked at them as they drove out through the gate. Once they were on the street driving away, Emily breathed a sigh of relief. She looked over at Merlin who kept glancing behind them.
“I think we are in the clear,” he smiled.
“I have a flat here in the city, but I think we would be safer at my cottage in the country. I was planning to spend my vacation there anyway, so it is already fully stocked with food and supplies. It has internet and very good cell service as well.”
“Sounds good,” Merlin smiled.
“My neighbors are going to have a field day though, when they see I have a handsome young man with me,” Emily laughed, “Rumors will spread.”
“Is that going to be a problem?”
“Not at all. Maybe if my parents get wind of it, they will finally get off my back about marriage and kids.”
“You don’t want that?”
“Let’s just say it is not high on my list. What about you? In all the years since Arthur’s death, have you ever had anyone special?”
Merlin shook his head, “With my situation, I can’t afford to get close to anyone. There’s nothing harder on a relationship than knowing you are going to stay the same while the person you love grows old and dies leaving you alone all over again. No, it is better to just not get that close.”
“So, you never age?”
“I can change my appearance if I need to, look older or younger, but it takes too much energy to keep up the façade. Mostly I stay like this…the age I was when I became immortal.”
“So before that you were normal?”
Merlin chuckled, “As normal as one can be when you are born with magic that you struggle to contain and control.”
“You were born with magic?”
“Yes, and my mother raised me alone. I was a little nuclear reactor in a tiny farm village, surrounded by people who were terrified of the things I could do. More than once they tried to encourage her to take me and leave, but we stayed. When I was old enough, she sent me to Camelot. She hoped Gaius, a family friend, could help me learn to control it. I met Arthur my first full day there. He was such an ass.”
“What happened to your father?”
“He had been exiled; the king wanted him dead, so he was forced into hiding. I met him briefly before he died. But saw him again in the Crystal Cave, it was he who helped me to come into my full powers, to become immortal. I felt it…when I left the cave, I knew I was forever changed.”
“That must have been so frightening.”
Merlin shook his head, “I didn’t have time to be afraid. I knew I had to get to Arthur. The battle had already begun. I got there in time to save him from the Saxons and the dragon, but I failed to stop Mordred, the Druid Boy who had been destined to take Arthur’s life. He ran him through with a blade forged in a dragon’s breath. Arthur killed him, but it was too late, the damage was already done. Arthur’s only chance of survival was the ancient isle in the middle of the Lake of Avalon, the magic of the Sidhe could have healed him, but we got there too late.”
“It sounds as though you did all you could. You may have been powerful, but you were still human. You did everything humanly possible to get him there in time.”
“With his last words he thanked me for everything I’d done for him and for Camelot,” Merlin said.
“At least he didn’t die alone, you were there for him.”
“I just hope I will get to see him again.”
“You will, I am certain.”
Emily drove out of the city into the countryside, following a narrow two-lane road along the river. Merlin’s head fell back against the headrest, his eyes drifting closed. She smiled reaching over to turn on the music. He needed rest. He had not slept much during his stay in Avalon. She’d seen the reports about his nightmares and about him pacing the floor at all hours of the night. She knew she was taking a huge risk, but it was the right thing to do. Merlin needed her help, and she would give it, no matter the cost. He deserved to have a good life, whatever that entailed.
Merlin woke up when Emily pulled the car off the asphalt and onto a dirt road. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and yawned. “How long was I asleep?”
“A little under two hours.”
“Really?”
“You obviously needed it,” Emily smiled.
“Where are we?”
“About half an hour from my cottage.”
“Guess I’m not much of a travel companion, slept the whole way.”
“Merlin, I normally make this drive alone so it’s fine. I know you didn’t sleep well at Avalon.”
“You probably know more about me than I do,” Merlin said.
Emily nodded, “I know about the nightmares, the pacing, I know you picked at your meals, barely ate anything, you hate peas, love chocolate and ice cream. Oh, and I recently learned that you are the legendary fifteen-hundred-twenty-six-year-old magical servant and best friend of the one and only King Arthur who may or may not be walking the earth again as we speak.”
“I guess I win the prize for the weirdest patient,” he chuckled.
“Most unique, yes,” Emily smiled, then shook her head, “Weirdest…not even close.”
“Dare I ask?”
“Let’s just say I had a patient once who thought he was God…was absolutely convinced. He threatened to turn everyone he didn’t like into a pillar of salt and claimed to have created The Grand Canyon and The Great Wall of China.”
“Definitely weird,” Merlin said, “But impressive.”
Emily looked over at him, “Merlin, we are going to figure this out. In the meantime, I want you to rest, eat and get yourself back on track mentally and emotionally. You won’t be much help to Arthur if you are struggling yourself.”
Merlin gave a slight nod, “I know, you’re right.”
“I can’t pretend to understand what you have been through all these years, but I do know about losing someone who means more to you than your own life.”
“You lost someone?”
Emily nodded, tears shining in her eyes, “My daughter…she was only three.”
“I’m so sorry, Emily,” Merlin said, “What happened?”
“Zoe was absolutely obsessed with mermaids, fairies, princesses, and unicorns. There was a special fairytale-themed exhibit at a gallery in London. I turned around for just a moment to pay for the tickets and when I looked back, she was gone. Someone stole her away, right under my nose. Police found her body three days later,” Emily said wiping her eyes. “It was my fault. If I hadn’t let go of her hand…”
“There is evil out there, monsters who prey on the innocent,” Merlin said. “What happened, it was not your fault, Emily.”
“I was barely seventeen when got pregnant, I said yes to a date with the boy I fancied all through school. Turned out he only asked me because his mates dared him to, he didn’t care for me whatsoever. But one bad decision gave me the most precious gift. I never told him I was pregnant.” Emily glanced over at Merlin. “It’s strange,” she said as she drove the car through an open wrought iron gate framed by two stone pillars and down a long driveway edged by a low wrought iron fence. “I haven’t had the courage to talk about Zoe to anyone in many years.”
“I’m honored that you feel you can talk to me about her,” Merlin gave a slight nod.
Emily parked the car behind the cottage, a beautiful two-story home surrounded by lush gardens full of roses, tulips, and daffodils. There was a brook flowing through the garden, over which an arched bridge led to a smaller, more intimate garden backed by a stone wall with a large, recessed fireplace. Merlin got out of the car, taking it all in. Emily watched him and smiled.
“Welcome to Rose Brook Cottage, Merlin,” she said as she pulled her bags from the car.
“Let me get those for you,” Merlin said.
“You’re my guest, not my servant.”
“Hey, I was servant to the King of Camelot, you should be honored,” he winked then grabbing the bags he tilted his head toward the front door, “After you, My Lady.”
“Careful, I just might get used to this,” Emily smiled, leading the way to the door. She unlocked it and stepped inside flipping on the lights. Before she could even close the door, she heard approaching footsteps on the cobblestones. “Here we go.”
“Emily…Emily, you’re home!”
“Good to see you, Mabel, how have you been?”
“Oh, you know, George is laid up with his back, so I am having to do everything on my own. I couldn’t help but notice the fine young lad you brought with you; would he consider doing some work for me while he’s here? I will pay him handsomely of course,” Mabel said craning her neck to get a look at Merlin.
“Merlin?” Emily asked giving him a warning headshake.
Merlin put Emily’s bags down then stepped back outside. “I’m Merlin, pleased to meet you, Mabel. I would be more than happy to help you out.”
Mabel sighed like a schoolgirl when he bowed and kissed the back of her hand. “Oh my, you are a handsome fellow aren’t you, Merlin…and so very polite.”
“Thank you,” Merlin said, giving her a wink and a grin that made Mabel sway on her feet.
“Mabel, um…we’ve had a long drive…talk tomorrow, yeah?” Emily found her own knees a little wobbly after seeing Merlin’s wide easy grin and the sparkle of mirth in his stunning blue eyes.
“Yes, yes, of course, I will let you rest. Thank you, sweet boy,” Mabel beamed then all but ran back to her house to tell the neighborhood rumor mill about the handsome and charming young man staying with Emily Cannon.
“And it begins,” Emily laughed rolling her eyes.
“I suppose I should have been more stealth,” Merlin chuckled.
“Mabel has eagle eyes and the sense of smell of a bloodhound. There is nothing that escapes her notice. Come on, inside, I will make us some dinner.”
“I’ll help,” Merlin said.
“No, you are my guest. I am going to show you to your room. You can take a shower and rest while I cook.”
“I guess I should have slipped back to my room at Avalon before we left,” Merlin said, “I have nothing else to wear.”
“Oh, don’t worry, the closet in your room is full of clothing that my brother left behind. He is about your size, there should be something in there that fits you. I will take you to town tomorrow and buy you whatever else you need.”
“You don’t have to do that, Emily. I have money stashed away; I just need to get on a laptop.”
“There’s one upstairs in my office. We will need to buy you a cell phone as well and you’ll need new shoes.”
“I’m fine with my boots,” Merlin said.
“What is it with you and those things?”
“You’ll think I’m nuts, but I have had these boots literally forever. I keep repairing them using magic. They are all I have from back then…well, there’s one other thing, but I can’t carry that with me wherever I go.”
“You’re telling me those boots are over fifteen hundred years old!” Emily gasped.
“Yes,” Merlin lowered his gaze to look at them, “Arthur gave them to me.”
“Then I completely understand why you are so attached to them. Come on follow me, I will show you your room. My room is down here, the hallway beyond the fireplace so you will have peace and quiet and plenty of privacy. I rarely use the office when I am here, so it is all yours.”
Merlin followed Emily up the stairs, and she led him into a large bedroom with a king bed and a private bath, just across the hall was the office. “This is really nice,” he said, “A huge step up from what I am used to.”
“I want you to feel at home here, Merlin. Anything you need or want just ask.”
“Thank you, Emily,” Merlin hugged her tightly and she kissed his cheek.
“You’re welcome,” she smiled, “Dinner will be ready in an hour or so.”
Merlin watched her go down the stairs before heading into the bathroom. Leaning on the pedestal sink he stared at his reflection in the mirror. “Merlin, you look like hell,” he muttered to himself. Turning on the faucet he splashed water on his face then ran his fingers through his hair. It had gotten far too long while he was in Avalon, it was becoming a mass of dark curls. He would need a haircut very soon.
Going to the closet, he found a dark blue button-down shirt, a black T-shirt, and a pair of blue jeans that looked like they would fit him. He also pulled out sweatpants he could sleep in.
Peeling off his clothing he tossed them on a chair in the corner. He stepped into the large tile shower to find that the water pressure was surprisingly strong. Letting out a long sigh, he pressed his forehead to the cool tiles letting the hot water wash away the last month of his captivity. He was free and he finally had someone who believed in him…who wanted to help him. He choked out a soft cry of relief, and for a moment the burden he’d carried for far too many lifetimes eased, even if just a little.
Getting out of the shower, he dried off, wrapped the towel around his waist, and walked into the bedroom. Slipping on the jeans, he found they fit pretty well, even the length was good. He put on the black T-shirt but left the blue button-down shirt on a hook. Barefoot he walked across the hallway to the office.
Merlin sat down in the large comfortable desk chair and logged in to one of the many bank accounts he had scattered throughout the world. Being immortal meant having money but not being able to really do anything with it except donate to charities, museums, and disaster relief funds. He had set up recurring donations to the relief funds for families and victims of the 9/11 attacks in America immediately after it happened. He visited New York City a few years later, and with his magic, he could still sense the devastation and the lives lost there…it changed him forever.
He couldn’t really put down roots anywhere for very long before being forced to move on, so buying real estate was pointless. He had a plan, though, for when he found Arthur, he would buy an estate in the country where they could live in peace. He did have a car, a Range Rover, it was parked back in London in an auto storage facility. He hadn’t driven it in six months.
After transferring funds into his main account, he logged out and checked his wallet to make his card wasn’t expired. Another annoyance about being immortal, time passes so slowly that keeping track of little things like expiration dates on cards was not important. He was thankful that he’d thought to put his wallet in his jeans when he left his room in Avalon that morning or he wouldn’t have his cards or ID. He’d considered, for a moment, assuming one of his other identities but decided against it. He was in no mood to go through all the steps required to do so and it would mean having to return to London to access his safety deposit box. Closing the laptop, he got up going back to his room to grab his boots slipping them on then headed downstairs.
“Can I help with anything?”
Emily turned around to look at him, hands on her hips. “I knew the clothes would fit. My brother was a little shorter than you, but the same build.”
“Has he been here recently?” Merlin asked.
“No, he moved to America, California…fancies himself as an actor. He has done a few films and a couple of TV shows.”
“I went to California once. The sunshine was nice, but too many people.”
“I hope you like chicken,” Emily said.
“I do,” Merlin grinned.
“It’s chilly tonight, would you mind starting a fire in the hearth?”
“Sure,” Merlin said then walked into the main room. He stacked logs the way he had countless times in Arthur’s chambers, then with a wistful smile, he whispered, “Forbearnan.” His eyes glowed gold and flames rose up instantly.
“That was amazing,” Emily said standing behind him.
“Sorry, haven’t had the chance to use that one for a while.”
“Yes, I am sure, starting fires would have been frowned upon in Avalon. Does anyone else know about your magic?”
“No, I haven’t told anyone, not since Arthur.”
“You have never been caught using it?”
“People today don’t believe in magic. I could use it in front of them and they wouldn’t recognize it for what it was. In my time in Camelot, it was banned, punishable by death…losing your head or burning on the pyre. It was feared. Now no one fears it, because they don’t believe it exists. I can use it freely, but there isn’t much point. Telling, Arthur was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I had lied to him for years.”
“How did he take it?”
“At first, he pushed me away, he was so angry and bitter. Those two days when I was taking him to the Lake of Avalon to ask the Sidhe to save his life, it was hard. In the end, he accepted me for who I was, he forgave me. But I couldn’t save him. I was too late.”
“That must have been so painful for you.”
“It was, he was my best friend, my king…I let him down.”
“Somehow I doubt Arthur saw it that way.”
“Maybe you’re right,” Merlin said, “I just want to see him again. I want to tell him everything.”
“You will get that chance, Merlin, I am sure of it. As for your magic, it is a part of who you are, and you should embrace it.”
“I would like to, but I have been hiding it for so long that it is hard to let go.”
“Come on, dinner is ready.”
Merlin got up and followed her to the table just off the kitchen. Emily placed a glass dish in the center of the table filled with roasted chicken breasts and wild rice with steamed broccoli. A loaf of fresh-baked bread sat on a cutting board with butter and jam.
“It looks and smells delicious, Emily,” Merlin smiled as he sat down.
“Do you want water, milk, beer, coffee, or tea to drink?” she asked.
“Beer sounds amazing.”
“Then beer it shall be,” Emily popped the top off an ice-cold bottle and handed it to him. “There’s more where that came from.”
“Thank you,” he grinned taking a long swig, “So good.”
“I mean it, Merlin. You make yourself at home. There’s a small pool on the other side of the stone wall if you want to take a swim and a trail through the woods if you need to take a walk.”
“Actually, I’m looking forward to exploring this place. It is beautiful.”
“My parents built it when I was just a baby. They gave it to me when I graduated from the university. I come here whenever possible. Mabel keeps an eye on everything when I am away.”
“Where do your parents live?”
“Oh, they retired in Cornwall. They have no need for Rose Brook anymore. They haven’t been here in five years.”
Merlin took three bites of chicken before his stomach seemed to recover from the shock of being given real food. He ate two more pieces of chicken. “So good,” he grinned, “I haven’t had a real home-cooked meal in forever.”
“Eat up, my boy,” Emily smiled, “You need some meat on your bones.”
“Avalon’s food left a lot to be desired. It was bland and barely resembled real food.”
“You’re not wrong. Would you like another beer?”
“Yes, please.”
Emily got up and went to the refrigerator pulling out two more bottles, one for him and one for herself. “Here you go,” she said handing him the bottle.
“Do you have other siblings besides your brother?”
“I have two sisters. One lives in Paris and the other in New York City.”
“I was an only child,” Merlin smiled, “I don’t think my mother could have handled more than me.”
“What was her name?”
“Hunith, my father’s name was Balinor.”
“Unusual names.”
“My father was a Dragonlord, when he died, I inherited his powers.”
“Dragonlord…I guess there isn’t much need for that these days.”
Merlin grinned, “No…not really. Though I did use my dragon voice in a dark alley once to break up a mugging. The attackers wet themselves stumbling over each other to get away.”
“I knew you were a hero,” Emily smiled.
“I try to help people where I can. I guess you could say that stopping monsters is how I avoid becoming one,” Merlin said his voice catching in his throat.
“Merlin you could never be a monster,” Emily said patting his hand.
“Even after all this time, the guilt is still there. All the people I hurt and killed while protecting Arthur. I sometimes wish I could go back in time and make different choices.”
Emily looked at him curiously, “Is that within your power? Time travel?”
Merlin shrugged, “It is, but I don’t use it often. I have learned the hard way, that playing with fate usually comes back to bite me in the arse.”
“Tell me about the other people in your life back then…besides Arthur and your parents.”
“There was Gaius, my mentor…he was a friend of my mother’s. He took me in when I first arrived in Camelot. He was the only person who knew I had magic and the only one who knew all I did, both the good and the bad. He was the Court Physician, and I was his apprentice. I learned a lot from him about healing, medicine, and magic. He taught me spells and how to make potions.”
“Did you have anyone special back then?”
“No, not really. There was Gwen…Guinevere, she was my first friend in Camelot. She married Arthur…”
“Guinevere…Queen Guinevere,” Emily said in disbelief.
“Yes, she was a servant before she was queen.”
“I don’t recall seeing that in the books.”
“Morgana was Arthur’s half-sister. She was a beautiful, passionate, kind girl when I first met her. I had feelings for her. But when her magic surfaced, things happened, and she changed. In the end, she became an enemy…High Priestess of the Old Religion. I was forced to kill her with Arthur’s sword.”
“You don’t mean the sword?” Emily asked eyebrow raised, “The one from the stone? Excalibur?”
Merlin grinned, “Yes, though that story isn’t exactly how the books portrayed it either.”
“Well, don’t ruin it for me, that’s one of my favorites.”
“Okay, I won’t.”
“Please, tell me more. The Knights of Camelot…”
“My friend Gwaine, he was the nomadic rebel when I first met him. Saved my life and Arthur’s on more than one occasion. He never stayed in one place long until he became a Knight of the Round Table along with Percival, Elyan, and Lancelot. Then there was Sir Leon, he was a knight long before I came to Camelot.”
“Lancelot…the Lancelot?” Emily asked eyes wide, “He really existed?”
“Oh yes,” Merlin smiled, “He was a great man…one of the best. He learned of my magic by accident when I used it to help kill the griffin that attacked Camelot.”
“You killed a griffin? You saw a real live griffin?”
“Yes, and a unicorn.”
“You mentioned someone named Kilgharrah…”
“The Great Dragon,” Merlin grinned.
“Dragons, griffins, unicorns…all real…”
“Trolls were real too, fairies, and goblins as well. I once released a goblin in Camelot, that was an adventure. Little bugger caused all kinds of trouble, including possessing Gaius and giving Arthur the ears and voice of a donkey, causing King Uther to lose all his hair and he gave him, Morgana, and Gwen a severe case of flatulence,” Merlin chuckled.
“That must have been quite entertaining,” Emily giggled.
Merlin lowered his head struggling to contain his mirth. “The best was Arthur, I laughed about that for weeks after.”
“Was the king angry when he found out?”
“He never found out I was the one to release it, if he had I would have been flogged at the very least. Or banished.”
“It must have been hard living in fear of the king.”
Merlin shrugged, “King Uther was just a man. I didn’t truly fear him because I was far more powerful. Mostly the fear came from Arthur finding out and having him turn his back on me.”
“What other magical creatures did you face?”
The Questing Beast and the Manticore, they were the stuff of nightmares. The Doracha were the worst. My powers were useless against them. They nearly killed me when I threw myself between them and Arthur to save him. They were the spirits of the dead, direct contact with them and your entire body froze literally froze.”
“You sacrificed so much for Arthur, didn’t you?”
Merlin nodded, “My first love was Freya. She was a Bastet, cursed to change into a giant winged black cat at the stroke of midnight. I rescued her from a bounty hunter before I knew of her curse. She killed people in Camelot and Arthur wounded her fatally. I carried her to Avalon where she died in my arms.”
“Oh Merlin, how awful,” Emily said placing her hand on his forearm.
“I learned then, that I would never be allowed to love anyone.”
“It didn’t stop you from loving Arthur though.”
Merlin looked at Emily and smiled shyly, “Am I really that transparent?”
“I see it in your eyes whenever you mention his name. You love him even after all this time.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Did he know how you felt before he died?”
“I never told him.”
“Well, when we find him, you can tell him.”
“You really think we can find him? There’s nothing that says he is back. I still can’t remember anything about the night I was found by the river.”
“Something happened to you, we are going to find out what it was and maybe it will lead you to Arthur. Either way, I am going to help you find your place in this century. Immortality be damned, you deserve a chance at a real life and happiness.”
“It’s easier said than done, believe me.”
“You have never really tried, now, have you?”
“I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
There is no reason you cannot live fully. Denying yourself roots and friends and even possibly a family…it is just wrong. When Kilgharrah told you Arthur would rise again, did he specifically state he would rise from Avalon, come back to life, or could it be that he would be reborn at some point?”
“You mean reincarnation?” Merlin asked.
“My older sister, Victoria, believed strongly in reincarnation. She told me many stories of people who remembered their past lives. Some were very convincing.”
“The thought crossed my mind a time or two, but how would I find him if he was truly reborn as someone else?”
“I’m not sure, but I would think that if it is truly your destiny to help him, that you would find each other again no matter who he was in a new life.”
“Maybe,” Merlin frowned.
“Why don’t you take another beer and go sit by the fire while I clean up,” Emily said.
“I can clean up, you cooked.”
“You may go. Out, that’s an order.”
Merlin looked at her and laughed heartily, “Are you sure you weren’t Arthur in a past life because you sounded like him for a second.”
“Me, King Arthur, I think not,” Emily giggled, “My sister said I was Lady Godiva.”
Merlin nodded, “I can see that.”
“Now off with you, go sit by the fire.”
“Yes, My Lady,” Merlin stood up then bowed and went into the main room. He put two more logs into the fire then sat down in the large comfortable chair closest to the hearth propping his feet up on the stool in front of it.
Downing the last of his beer, he put the empty bottle on the table. Crossing his arms over his chest, he closed his eyes listening to the crackling fire and the distant sound of Emily singing in the kitchen. Sounds that took him back to his home in Ealdor…his mother. A single tear slid down his cheek and he wiped it away before turning to stare into the flames. Something about Rose Brook Cottage and Emily brought back so many long-forgotten feelings of home. This place was real and solid and made him long for something more. Maybe Emily was right, he needed to find a way to live and not just continue to exist.
“Thought you might like some ice cream,” Emily held out a bowl with three scoops of chocolate ice cream.
“You must be an angel,” Merlin grinned accepting the bowl.
“An angel I am not,” Emily said, then sat down on the sofa.
“Thank you, Emily…for everything. I cannot even begin to tell you what all this means to me.”
“You don’t have to, Merlin. Maybe in helping you, I help myself.”
“Tell me more about her,” Merlin said softly as he dug into the ice cream.
“About Zoe?” she asked, then nodded, “She was a precocious child. She had this vivid imagination. When I would tuck her into bed at night, instead of asking me for a bedtime story she would tell me one. She made up these elaborate stories far more detailed than any child her age should have been able to create. I can still hear the subtle inflections in her little voice…she was so gifted.”
“Do you remember them…the stories I mean?”
“Not really,” Emily smiled, “Bits and pieces…they were all about princes and princesses, fairies and unicorns…like I said she was obsessed with them. There was one story she told more than once though. It was about a farty princess who was really a fairy in disguise and was to marry a handsome prince, but he loved another…I don’t remember the rest.”
Merlin looked at Emily his eyes wide with surprise and curiosity. “Emily, the princess…was she very clumsy and really good at riding horses?”
It was Emily’s turn to look shocked and somewhat confused, “How could you know that?”
Merlin chuckled shaking his head, “Lucky guess.”
“Merlin?”
“Was this princess by chance named Elena?”
“How could you know that?” Emily asked.
“I can’t explain it, but it sounds like Zoe was beyond gifted. That story…wasn’t just a story. I lived it.”
“You—you lived it?”
“Princess Elena was inhabited by a Sidhe, a fairy, causing her to be extremely clumsy, awkward, and very gassy,” Merlin chuckled. “But oh, she could ride a horse and she was beautiful and kind. Her father and Arthur’s father expected them to marry, but Arthur loved Gwen. If they had married the Sidhe would have possessed her fully and Camelot would have been lost. Gaius and I discovered the plot, and we made a potion that forced the fairy out of Elena. In the end, she and Arthur did not marry because neither of them wanted it. She was free of the fairy and could at last live her life fully.”
Emily shook her head slowly, “How could Zoe possibly have known about that?”
“It’s possible that Zoe had magic,” Merlin said with a smile, “It makes me think that you and I finding each other was not an accident.”
“This is so surreal,” Emily said.
Merlin finished his ice cream then grabbed the empty beer bottle, “Thank you for everything, Emily. It’s late I think I am going to bed.”
“Yes, of course,” she smiled, “Sleep well, Merlin.”
Merlin stood up and headed to the kitchen leaving his bowl in the sink and placed the empty bottle on the counter. He paused at the bottom of the stairs to look back at Emily. She had moved to the chair he’d vacated.
“Good night, Emily,” he said.
“Good night, Merlin.”
Climbing the stairs, Merlin walked into the bedroom closing the door behind him. He kicked off his boots then undressed putting the clothes he’d worn on a hook in the closet so he could wear them again in the morning. Slipping on the sweatpants he pulled back the covers and got into bed.
Lying on his back, he folded his arms behind his head. There was no doubt in his mind now that he was on the path that would lead him to Arthur. There were far too many pieces clicking into place for it to be coincidence. He smiled then rolled onto his side closing his eyes.