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Chapter Text

Charles stood waiting, looking at the children. His daemon was climbing slowly from his sleeve in the form of a white snake, looking at the boy with the knife placed in his left hand. He hissed a little at the boy for another couple of seconds before he climbed all over from the sleeve and crawled onto the floor.

“What a lovely surprise,” said Sir Charles, or as now they both and mainly Lyra knows Lord Boreal from her world. She couldn´t remember him before he told her that you’re not as astute as your mother. The girl began to remember, after a couple of seconds, saying The party in London. And now she remembers, he said with some kind of enthusiasm or pride along with smiling.

“I get it that you brought me the knife, isn't that right?” he asked them. Of course, he wasn't interested in Alethiometer at all since he couldn’t read it. He was more focused on the special thing, a special knife so extraordinary, the most extraordinary knife that one could ever have.

Will said, well, much more, yelled, “Quickly, Lyra, go for the alethiometer. I´ll hold him for a while.”

Lyra had nodded and began to run to the room, where they had been sitting when they came for the Alethiometer, saying that he stole it from Lyra. She ran as fast as she could before reaching the door and entering the code both she and Will knew from two days ago. The stairs were leading down to the living room, where the Alethiometer had been kept. Sir Charles even showed them where he put it, so it was just taking it back. 

When they came to his house, he asked them what brought both of them to him. The girl - Lizzie, introduced herself at the museum after him and the boy. Of course, he knew too well who the boy was but said nothing and let them speak. “ It's nice to see you again so soon. Take a seat. You haven’t introduced me to your friend Lizzie”. He played the fool so well. He played him so well that it seemed he was enjoying it. As both of them sat on a large dark blue sofa, Lizzie spoke, “ this is...Mark” .

“What can I do for you, Lizzie? And Mark?” he asked them, watching and still standing in front of them from a small distance. He had expected that first would speak to the girl, but the boy started to his surprise.

“Lizzie thinks she has something of hers in your car earlier. We have come to ask to get it back”.

Without saying a word, the man turned and started to walk near the cabinet. He knew exactly what he meant. He meant the device he stole from the girl´s bag when she forgot it in his luxurious black car. At that moment, completely ignoring the kids behind them, Lyra was eyeing him very carefully. He opened the drawer in the wall and took a velvet cloth from a drawer in the desk. Then he unfolded the handkerchief, disclosing the golden splendor of the Alethiometer resting in his palm and turning to them to see it.

“I take you to mean this?”

Lyra immediately stood up and said, “ That’s mine.” She was trying to take it from his hand.

“Yours?” He took a step back and asked, watching the girl nod briefly before he opened it and watched it properly again. “ I think you'd find it´s mine,” and he continued saying before closing it also and holding it heavily, just in case they would try something. He watched the girl’s face. She was stunned and shocked. She probably thought he was going to give it back to her; she was wrong. “ I´m a collector.”

“You’re a thief!” Lyra spat at him. 

“So let me call the police and let them consider this…”

He couldn't finish his sentence because at that moment the boy stood up, quickly saying “ No!”

“No?” The man repeated his word, eyeing him and. “ Not in your best interests, Wiliam.” He added so coldly. He enjoyed this moment because the boy looked so confused and scared that he knew the boy's real name. “ Or yours, Lyra,” now watching the girl again as she breathed loudly. They both stood as if they had frozen. “ Do you still not recognize me?” He asked again, watching the girl's eyes as they fell on the floor; the girl was trying to remember this man. When he received no answer, he continued, “ You’re not as astute as your mother,” clearly pointing to the word astute.

It seemed that it worked. Lyra then looked at him again, saying “ the party in London” as she suddenly remembered him. 

He looked so pleased in some way, seeing his face, saying, “ Now she remembers,” he said before turning again so he could give it back to the drawer and lock it again.

However, as he turned, Lyra began, “ You don’t even know what you have stolen.” Will tried to stop her,  but she continued, “ you’re just going to stick it on the shelf, so give it back!”

“Sorry, I can’t do that,” he answered back as he closed the drawer again. Before he turned to them again, “ GIVE IT BACK!” She yelled at him as she took one of the glasses from the table and threw it on the wall so close to the man, nearly shooting him. He was calm, despite what had just happened. Sir Charles calmly watched Lyra as she breathed heavily and looked so angry. “ Sit down,” he told them, “ before I call the police .” And Will immediately stepped back and sat down. He had to take Lyra´s arm because she was still standing and breathing fast and dragged her down to the sofa.

Sir Charles then sat down too, looking up to the ceiling for a moment as to wonder what to do now. Then he said as his head went down, looking in front of him, “ I was going to give you a chance .” He said so calmly. “ To have it back,” eyeing Lyra as she has been watching him with a fire in her eyes, angry. “ Get me the object I want, and I´ll return the Alethiometer to you.”

“What is it that you want?” Will asked.

“I know where to find a door that leads to another world. The crossroads, world. The man that made that doorway has a knife. I think he's hiding..in the tower—the one with angels carved around it.”

“Torre Degli Angeli,” Will said as he knew what he meant.

Sir Charles continued without paying attention to what the boy just said, “ Bring that knife to me, and I will give you what you want.”

“We'll do it ,” Will said. He was still worried about what the man said that he would call the police.

“Good .” He stood up and watched them doing the same. However, Lyra couldn’t forgive that look on her face. Will was worried if she´ll do anything similar to this one accident a few minutes ago. Instead of this, the girl just said, “ We´ll get you the knife,” before they left the man´s mansion.

Now Lyra and Pan quickly run down to the room where the Alethiometer has been kept. on the stairs leading down before recognizing someone standing so close to the large sofa. She was lost in someone’s thoughts while she was looking at the closed item that she held. Someone could say that the person was trying to ask some questions and didn’t mind that it was closed. At first, Lyra paid almost no attention to the human there. Still, when the human found out someone was running down, turning to see whom and even immediately recognized who it was, she stopped looking at the Alethiometer placed in her right hand and began speaking.

Lyra quickly stopped when she recognized who it was; her eyes were wide and her mouth a little open. It was her mother, Mrs. Coulter. The woman she had been running from since London, then Bolvangar, and then on the mountain in Svalbard in their world. How did she get there? Lyra could only wonder.

“Lyra..” she called out softly. Her eyes were soft, looking at her daughter, whom she had been looking for since she ran away from her at Bolvangar. There she first said to her I am your mother with a shaking voice, and after saying this for the first time out loud to someone, to her daughter, whom this sentence belonged to by all rights. She meant it; for the first time, Marisa truly meant something at all. She never wanted to harm her child or do her harm. But her personality did the opposite. Mrs. Coulter tried so hard to get her daughter's trust again, but Lyra stopped trusting her right at the moment when she found out what she had been doing. So Lyra tricked her then with the spy-fly her mother used to find her after Lyra ran away from her so she could escape her again and save the rest of the children. From that moment, only one thing mattered, Lyra. Only finding her daughter mattered, nothing more. And it stayed this way till now when she saw her, determined to bring her back home.

“Lyra, darling..” her mother whispered clearly in relief that her daughter is alive and standing in front of her. It has been a long time since the last time she had seen her daughter at the Station, far away in the North in their world. 

“No, no, no..” Lyra said quietly as she was surprised that her mother was genuinely standing right in front of her, thinking that it was just some sort of joke caused by her eyes. Her mother couldn’t be there. What would she do here anyway? In Will's world and even in Latrom´s house, with a man who stole Lyra´s Alethiometer from her bag back in the car after he drove her “to safety,” although she then wanted to get away from him. She was too spooked by that man from the police who has been chasing her from Malone´s department after she accidentally split out something about Will as the man was interested mainly in the boy than the girl that she had not noticed she forgot the bag in the man's car. When Lyra opened it again not so long ago after retrieving it back from his hands, the Alethiometer was gone. She and Will then had to get the knife, about which he told them to deliver it to him to get back the alethiometer. And so now they´re here to get it back from him. Will can not let the knife get into the wrong hands, he is its bearer after all, and it is his responsibility to take care of its safety. If the knife falls into the wrong hands, it can cause significant problems in the upcoming war that will change everything.

However, she found out it was not a dream but a horrible reality; her mother was just a few steps away from her.

Lyra immediately stopped herself from running down and stood there on the last few stairs, frozen. She didn’t know what to do at that moment. She just wanted to turn and run away as quickly as possible before she noticed something. She saw her mother holding the Alethiometer, the thing she came here for. Her heart was beating very fast inside her chest now from the horror of seeing her mother there. How is she going to get it back when she holds it? And mainly, will she be able to escape from her again? She could just pray now. She knows by now she would have to be there much longer than she wanted and hoped.

“Lyra, darling...I am so happy to see you again..” , her mother said as she walked towards her to comfort her little girl, but as she made a few small steps towards her, Lyra´s eyes immediately started to panic. All she wanted now was to turn back and run away as quickly as possible. But then she remembered the Alethiometer again and where it has been. It is nestled in her mothers’ hands now to her disgust and fear. So in attempts to get her Alethiometer back, she would have to fool her mother somehow again. For the third time, after London and then Bolvangar. If it gets her out of her mother’s grasp, she does willingly basically anything. 

“No, Lyra, please wait.” her mother said softly.

Mrs. Coulter halted herself as soon as she saw Lyra´s reaction. She was standing beside the large grey sofa now, and her face was a mask of tragic passion. Her daughter still fears her. And as much as she could admit it, that she knows why Marisa worries and scares her so much, she would not do that. It would be beneath her, below her level. 'Project strength and power. Never show weakness.' , her mother taught her the hard way. But Lyra has always been an exception. Since she found out about her pregnancy, and even then a few months later, giving birth and finally, for the first time seeing her child did wake up something inside her. Her daughter is something precious to her. And with the following time, she sees it more and more. If only she knew how much Lyra is important to everything that will come.

Lyra saw she had bags under her eyes, almost entirely hidden by make-up. It would have been just a few people who would recognize this, and Lyra was one of them, thanks to living with her for a few weeks before she ran away. Every morning after breakfast, Lyra had watched her as she prepared herself for the day, starting with brushing her hair before applying the makeup. And when she finished, she would brush Lyra's hair too, which Lyra enjoyed because she was so lovely and so gentle, not like Mrs. Lonsdale at Jordan, who has been in charge of brushing her hair, picking out her clothes, and manners. But she always rubs and scrapes so hard that in the end, it hurts her. So it felt nice to have someone else so beautiful to take care of her in such a lovely and gentle way as Mrs. Coulter has been doing.

Lyra noticed by her bags under her eyes that she had probably hardly slept. And indeed, she had barely slept since she found out that Lyra followed Asriel through that window into another world; until learning it, she thought that her daughter was still in their world. She visited Thorold, Asriel´s loyal servant, to ask him about Lyra´s whereabouts. However, he revealed Lyra´s arrival to the cab, thinking that she had been saving him and giving him the Alethiometer that he needed. He was upset and scared seeing Lyra there because he did not send for her. He had sent for one child to separate a child from his daemon to create a window to another world. When he told Marisa that he would cut Lyra and make a portal, she felt so betrayed by him, and she was furious as he planned to use her daughter, their daughter, and separate her from her daemon. She had just saved her from intercision in Bolvangar, finding that only to be killed by her father?! If he were there, she would kill him for even thinking about something like that. Instead of Lyra, he used the kitchen boy who accompanied her. Lyra tried to save him, but she didn't make it in time... Asriel had just separated Roger from his daemon, killing him at that moment. Then a jet of light, a jet of pure energy released like an arrow from a great bow, shot upward from the spot where Lord Asriel had joined the wire to Roger’s dæmon. The light and color sheets were the Aurora tore apart; a great rending, grinding, crunching, tearing sound reached from one end of the universe to the other; there was dry land in the sky. She was too late; Lyra apologized to him numerous times that all of that was her fault. She couldn't go back now, back to her mother or Jordan, so she said one last time goodbye to her best friend and turned to the world she was born in and walked into the sky to find more about dust and protect it for Roger. Learning that Lyra is in another world entirely made Mrs. Coulter felt something she was still not used to, a love for her child being somewhere without her, a fear of not knowing if she's alright or even alive...From that moment, she left everything behind her and went to find her only daughter.

“Don´t worry, my darling, I won't hurt you, Lyra, see?” she said with a sad voice as she encouraged herself to make a few steps back from Lyra, smiling softly yet in a low voice.

“Mo...Mrs. Coulter?!” Lyra eventually managed to say as her body was still frozen. Her mouth felt dry, and her tongue didn't seem to obey her commands. She saw the woman softly smiling towards her, which scared her, and her eyes were as she could start to cry every minute. She also didn't see her daemon, the golden monkey, and this scared her as well. Her daemon, Pan, was hiding in her pocket as a small mouse. 

“It's alright, Lyra, just calm down” Pan, in the form of a red panda, sent her a message through their connection to calm her down, reassure her, hoping it would help her. 

In this world, 'Will's world', people don't have daemons. If she has been seen with some pet, as they'd call it, she would have been in trouble, as Will had said to her a few days ago when he agreed to take her there. She visited “his” Oxford for the first time to go and talk to the female scholar called Mary Malone, who's been studying Dark Matter. For some time Lyra found out (thanks to the Alethiometer, of course, when she asked where she could find a scholar to tell her who knew about Dust) to be the same as Dust from her world. All that time, Pan was (unwillingly) hiding in a back Will had found for her to wear. But now was night already, so Pan didn’t have to be hidden.

“What...what are you doing here? How did you get here?” she asked her in a shaky, barely audible voice. She didn't expect her there, in another world, and even here, in this house. The man had to get back into their world and tell her that he had seen Lyra, causing her to follow him there - she's mine - Mrs. Coulter told him.

"Please, sit down, darling." Mrs. Coulter said to her daughter, pointing to the large grey sofa, so they could sit together and, as she hoped, have some bonding time, just like the time before everything fell upside down. She messed it up by letting her daemon attack Lyra´s. The pain in her daughter's eyes was almost unbearable to look at. Those loving eyes had been looking at her with nothing else than love, respect, and adoration at the beginning of their meeting and, even for some weeks, had turned themselves into betrayed and hateful ones. And even then, after Lyra asked for some space after she had told Lyra by accident, about Asriel´s real relationship to her...at that moment, when she closed a door to Lyra´s bedroom, all emotions had fallen on her, she could hardly breathe - anger, regret, hurt...that pain was unbearable, her heart inside her chest.. it felt like it was asking to get outside, to jump out and never come back.

Those betrayed eyes looked at her once again with nothing more than hate and fear. Never, ever stay willingly near her or the scary golden monkey. The time when Lyra would give anything to have Mrs. Coulter as her mother is gone.

“No. Never.” , she said to Mrs. Coulter, and she shook her head. She was determined, more than ever, not to fall again into a trap set by her mother.

Mrs. Coulter sighed. 

“Lyra, dear, I´m looking for you since…” she couldn´t say the word Station as she didn't want to bring the painful memory to Lyra; however, unknowingly, she did. "Since you know... those silly doctors didn’t know who you were, and I’m forever grateful I walked in before they....." She stopped as she saw that Lyra widened her eyes from fear as she remembered that she almost got severed from her daemon. Marisa didn't want to bring this memory to her. She knew by now that this wasn't something her mother wanted to do her, but still, it wasn't fair. Why would someone, and not entirely someone, just a child, dozen innocent children get harmed, and in the end, killed by something horrible made by someone, while she would have been protected by its creator, who’s no one else than her mother? Lyra would have to vomit all day and get into a deep depression because all of her friends and people she used to know and love would turn their back on her. “I haven’t stopped looking for you; you’ve made me worried. I was hoping you’d be on the top of the mountain, but when I went up there, I only found your friend. That was horrible what your father did, I’m truly sorry, but I’m glad it was Roger and not you. Thorold told me Asriel was going to hurt you to open the portal when he saw you, but then he saw the boy and used him instead of you...I know what you're thinking, but I am glad that you're alright, that he didn't hurt you."

“What?..No...no..” Lyra shook her head; her eyes widened in disbelief. She thought her mother lied to her again, which would not be something new as she has been lying to her since they met at Jordan college a few months ago, but then she remembered her uncl- father's face when she arrived at his lab. His face was filled with nothing more than worry and fear when he first saw Lyra there.

"I've been looking for you since the last time we saw each other, hoping that you´re safe and...a -" she couldn't complete the word alive, because in that instant her memories started to fill her mind, she had been so scared and worried about Lyra that much that it shocked her. She began to feel something deep inside her, and it was growing like a mustard seed, a love. A love for her child, her daughter, while she was looking at her photographs when she was smaller. From that moment, she swore she would find her again. "alive..” she said in a low voice because a sad memory of losing her child again had just come into her mind and now looking softly at her daughter staying right in front of her, just a few steps from her, made her want to cry. She saw Lyra's face mixed with a great shock learning what could have happened to her, a wave of anger towards Asriel as she mentioned him, and great sadness of the mention of her best friend, Roger. She had traveled all the way to save him from being cut from his daemon in Bolvangar... Only to find him dead because of her father. 

Pan raised his head upon hearing ‘alive’ and listened closely to Mrs. Coulter's words as he did when he had been looking from her bag in the cinema on Paddington, the talking bear. He had never entirely trusted that woman and her golden monkey while they had been together those few weeks in London and, after the monkey´s attack, trusted much less. But now, as far as he still had not the faith in her, he listened. Just because he wanted to know what lies, the woman would try to trap them again. And because he had never seen this kind of behavior from her like now.

Lyra had no idea how she got onto the floor when she was standing on the stairs. She found it after she stepped back on the floor instead of the stairs. Was her body betraying her already? She had a little time to wonder; more importantly, she had to focus on her mother and the golden monkey.

Lyra stood there, on the dark floor, completely frozen. She didn't know what to do. Her face mixed with all possible emotions of ' what could or what if…'. Seeing her mother standing there, completely broken, her face full of sadness hadn't helped much either as she still didn't trust her.

Lyra's eyebrows raised with shock, and her jaw slacked when she heard how Mrs. Coulter's voice had faltered through the sentence. She couldn't afford sympathy; however, she had to keep her guard up to get out of here as soon as possible to help Will.

The free girl, the innocent and overly loving Lyra back at Oxford, couldn't come out to show herself after everything she'd been dragged through.

Mrs. Coulter then slowly moved towards her daughter as she wanted to pull her into a tight hug and never let her go again, wanting to cry into her hair, kiss her cheeks and forehead, and say it will be alright. Her monkey did the same, wanting to be closer to his child, holding him close to his small heart, and never letting go.

However, only one inch she had managed to make when suddenly Lyra stepped one inch back, still afraid of her and her golden monkey now appearing at her feet, looking at her softly. His little eyes were looking with such sadness that Pan saw for the first time. After a few moments, the monkey turned his back on them and bowed his head down, not wanting to be seen. His sadness was the same as his human's, and the two were one, both of them always felt the same, and his action was weird and strange to Pan, who watched him very closely as if he was waiting for him to do something.

She let out a big sigh, and the monkey turned from them with a sad look in his eyes, looking to the dark floor. When Lyra moved back from her, she immediately stopped herself from moving towards her closer, attempting not to make her run away again. “Lyra... I missed you so much, I don't want to lose you again...” now, she was on the verge of tears when she looked right into her daughter's eyes and pleaded softly for her to stay with her mother. Lyra was in danger in both worlds now, in theirs because of the Magisterium as they learned more about this child and what she could do against them. Now, and now in this world, mainly because of Boreal, one of her ex-lovers. She realized that he has power almost everywhere, even in the police. One of the policemen was looking for Lyra the day after she visited Mary, the scientist. Now Lyra has been in great danger, and she felt like she needed to save her, to protect her like when she had done in London before the girl fled away.

She was waiting for her daughter to respond, to say anything at all as the girl was silent still. Her mother was looking at her as if moved her eyes even an inch away; she would lose her complete view of her at all, yet, all that time looking at her with soft eyes and a small smile on her face. Her smile was sad, truly sad for this time because of her daughter, the girl she gave away to protect her, kept her safe from her husband because she wasn't his child… even that Lyra has been born in sin, as they called it, Mrs. Coulter still loved her, maybe because of the hormones inside her or perhaps just because gave life to Lyra and when she could hold her for the first time in nine months since she got pregnant, and the look on her face was clearly a love, a true, pure, mothers love for her child.

Lyra couldn't stand it. Her emotions were almost completely destroyed. She wanted so desperately to get back the Alethiometer and get out of this place, from her mother, she still didn't completely trust her. To be honest, who could blame her? From the moment they met, she only caused her pain, and not just her, so many destroyed people's lives because of her. However, some part of her still did trust her and always loved her even after what happened and what she had done. 

No matter how much she tried not to, some part of her still trusted and loved her. She was nice to Lyra and cared about her, and for her, in ways no one ever has, besides Mrs. Lonsdale. But she has been paid for caring for Lyra. Mrs. Coulter was different; she made it all without being asked to do so.

And she loved her and craved for the moment she would say something which would startle Lyra at first but then completely charmed her like something similar to this… 'I love you Lyra as much I love spending time with you.. and what I am going to ask you I wanted to ask for a few weeks… I was wondering if you want to stay and live there not as my assistant but as my daughter' . Lyra would immediately jump into her arms, hugging her tight, and cry from happiness and joy, saying this was all she ever wanted to hear from her...

But it was before Lyra found out what she's been hiding from her and what she's been doing.

Lyra eventually said something after a moment. She felt right and wrong about this, but she didn't mind it. She just wanted to say it, but as much as she tried not to cry, a few tears escaped from her eyes.

“You have lost me from the moment you gave me away. And then, suddenly appearing in my life twelve years later, you had not even bothered to tell me who you were despite the fact I asked you; I practically begged you to tell me who my mother was right after you stopped hurting me and told me who Asriel was. If you really cared about me, then you would tell me who you are to me.” Lyra said to her with tears slowly coming down her cheeks.

“It wasn't that easy, Lyra..” she sighed as she leaned on the sofa again and looked down to the floor because now she couldn't bear to look at her daughter.

“Yes, it was - ” she got agitated at this, too much for Lyra to stand it; she simply let it out. Her courage and strength were slowly coming back again, the same ones as at Bolvangar, after that horrible experience almost getting severed from Pan. Lyra then used all her courage and weakness of her own mother to escape and destroy the separation machine and the whole Station. 

Pan jumped on the floor and changed his form from the mouse into his new favorite form of the red panda as he had been in this form in Cittàgazze almost all day, running beside Lyra and Will while the boy was learning how to cut a window leading to another world. 

“LYRA," the monkey turned back to them at the tone his human used to say a little louder the name Lyra, but did nothing, only turned and stared at Lyra or Pan with sad eyes. "please, just let me finish what I want to tell you. I can explain everything to you if you let me do it...”

Lyra nodded. “Go on then.” She already had her doubts about her mother telling the truth, but she let her speak, wanting to hear her. What sort of lies, or how she’s gonna use it as manipulation on Lyra. But no matter how she was trying not to, some part of her wanted to trust her mother. Something inside her was telling her to listen to her words, her story.

Her mother looked back, straight into her eyes. She admired the little rebel girl. She admired Lyra, for she was so strong and brave at such a young age. She was still a child, her child, her own daughter. Lyra had experienced it all throughout her life, much more than a child should have. Her birth wasn’t in the best time or place; right after her birth, someone wanted to kill her. Fortunately, she's been saved by her father. And later, her father, Lord Asriel, saved her again from the nunnery that had belonged to the Magisterium and delivered her to Jordan College to take care of her under the Scholastic Sanctuary that protected them from the hands of the powerful Magisterium.

Mrs. Coulter´s heart pounded. The pain was almost unbearable to feel; she could feel it beating faster and faster each minute that followed after the previous one.

“I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I knew then If I told you, you would hate me, and when we met again after you ran away from me...I knew you would hate me further as you would find that I have abandoned you because I hadn’t cared about you... You're my daughter Lyra, and I care about you; I always cared..hoping that you were alright, safe, and sound. I wanted you. I wasn't allowed to visit you at Jordan College for years, because of Asriel…I still don't even know if you got the presents or letters I sent you every year on your birthday. But I can imagine that Asriel or the Master wouldn’t allow it…”

Lyra and Pan listened to her closely. Lyra even began thinking after some time about what it would be like if she knew her mother earlier in her life. That if they had a chance to meet much earlier and not after 12 years of Lyra´s life. What could have happened then, and if her mother would be different, that she would stop or not start to do what she's been doing...And about the life, they could have had. Lyra having a mother that would have been with her all that time, taking care of her and about her. How many times she wished for her mother to be alive and not dead, or to have a chance to meet her at least ...Maybe even had her father if the circumstances were different. But either way, she would have had at least one parent who would be with her and cared about and for her. 

She was lost in thoughts so deep that she was barely listening. Her mother was sending her letters and gifts for her birthdays? She never got anything besides those things Lord Asriel gave her. If this was true, why did they never give her anything? It was from her own mother after all! Do they even know now how much they both had hurt her by not giving her either of those things? The gifts must have been some toys or something for children, if they did not like the idea of giving her her mother´s letter, they could give Lyra the presents at least. They were not harmful, which Lyra knew now for sure.

However, she caught the next few sentences after Pan brought her back to reality.

“....And when I finally had been allowed to visit you, and even the Master allowed me to take you to your home where you belonged all that time, as he must have known that I could protect you more than him when Asriel showed his presentation at Jordan and the Magisterium officials were there too, keen to listen to him and got angry when the College gave him enough money to continue his work, despite their arguments… he knew that he couldn't protect you anymore so he wrote to me if I wouldn't want to come to Jordan to meet you and take you with me.. of course, I wanted to Lyra, with everything I had, and so I did... I arrived there exactly the same day he sent me a letter. I met you and then the hug you gave me that night, I remember that day, and I´ll never forget it, when you practically flung yourself into my arms.. it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, it was one of the best days of my life” she paused to get another breath, and genuinely smiled as the memory was fleeting in her mind. For a second, she was back at the day at Jordan, at the moment when Lyra flung herself into her arms. Marisa remembers she was quite surprised at Lyra´s reaction as she would never expect the hug from her, at least not immediately. 

However, she knows that she got that hug, because of Lyra´s friend Roger, that she would take him with them as well. Mrs. Coulter had no intentions of bringing in some orphan and mainly a boy when she left with Lyra. She wanted to have her all for herself, not sharing her with anybody, mainly with him as she would not have Lyra´s full attention, but she had power and knew how to manipulate people to get what she wants, so she promised Lyra to take him as she was almost sure Lyra would not accompany her without that kitchen boy, and then later in the morning after Lyra´s explanation about not being able to find him and that the Gobblers took him, she promised Lyra to help her find him in order to go with her to London. Of course, Marisa knew where he had been since he got kidnapped at Jordan, but she would never let her daughter know. Marisa wanted her to forget him, claiming that Roger in fact has been in Jordan all that time and that he has moved on and so she needs to move on as well. Lyra would never forgive her if she knew he got caught on purpose.

Nevertheless, the monkey pulled her back to reality.

Another tear fell from her eye, before continuing “I don't know what I was before, but at that moment, I knew that I was whole only with you. You opened my heart up to something I've never wanted to feel again. You´re my weakness and my strength all at once, my dear. I want to be with you, Lyra. I lost almost everything - your first steps, your first smile, Pantalaimon´s first change..almost everything...I don't want to lose more. I want to be with you, for you, to mold you... I couldn't do so when you were younger, please, let me do so now…” , and blinked when more tears appeared in her eyes and fell down to her cheeks and gently smiled at her.

Lyra was stuck. Stuck in that place where she's been standing since she got onto the floor. Should she believe her mother this time? After everything that’s happened. Part of her wants to believe, just like the same part that was glad to see her there, that she cared. But the other part was still distrustful, because of the things she had done. She was barely breathing after her mother´s revelation about always caring about her and wanting her as she thought her mother simply didn't want her because she was born out of wedlock, a bastard child as the Magisterium would say.

Pan raised his head as he heard Mrs. Coulter´s words, curiosity absorbed him. He was suspicious of this woman since they met her, but Lyra cut his thoughts off, saying Mrs. Coulter was being so nice to them. Saying that Lyra can be extraordinary. No one had told her that she could be extraordinary before.

He simply never really trusted her.

Lyra froze, as she watched her mother freely cry in front of her which scared her because she’d only seen her cry once before. in Bolvangar,  a single tear and even that was a sight to watch. Her mother did look quite angelic as she cried, no wonder her father was apparently in love with her so much.

Again, she was lost in thoughts so deep that she was barely listening, but this time her posture relaxed a bit in a show of mutual trust and showed some bit of sympathy. Her widened eyes were red from the cries, her cheeks wet from all the tears. Her emotions were completely destroyed. Her heart was beating so fast as if it would want to jump off her chest. She had allowed her mother to get inside her, again. But was it a mistake this time? She didn't know.

“Why are you telling me all of this now? Why not earlier? Everyone´s got a choice. You could have just told me, I´d understand! I am not a child anymore. I liked you. You were everything I've wanted to be.”

Did they all have a chance? The Magisterium would say one thing and almost for sure, it would not be a good thing. But she, with doubts, started to think what could have happened if she had made different choices, before or after the trial, before or after Lyra´s birth, or even much sooner. Or at least if she had told Lyra, that she was her mother and why she wasn't present during her childhood. Perhaps things could have been different now.

However, Marisa had a little time to wonder. She felt her daemon´s thoughts and once again, she cut them off as always.

“To a certain extent. Things have happened, many of them not in the way I wanted to, things I´d like so much to change, but they have happened. And we must live with the consequences, Lyra. The only important thing is that I am here now and I want you with everything I have, I have always wanted you.” Normally Mrs. Coulter would play off such a statement as pure as a  manipulation, this time it was real. She vowed not to fail as a mother again after seeing those photographs of her daughter.

´Do you really think that she will trust us again?´ Her daemon asked her. ´Do you really think that this will work? You hurt her, have you forgotten?´…

'No, I haven't forgotten, and it was you who attacked Pantalaimon' , she hissed back, clearly not interested in this conversation right now.

'You keep forgetting you made me do it! I didn't want to do that and you know that!', the golden monkey said back to her. Poor little thing, he had to defend himself as much as possible since it was true. It was his human, who made him attack the girl's daemon. He remembers the girl crying, pleading with Marisa to stop it. The pain was something Lyra could barely hold, until that moment she never experienced this kind of pain, even from her uncle Asriel. He had hurt her a few times but never let his daemon hurt Lyra's.

´And apart from that, you were the one who had ordered for the kitchen boy to be kidnapped and taken to Station. You knew how much the girl would start to hate you if she would have found that.´ Oh, if it wasn´t for Lyra to stand right in front of her, she would kick her daemon.

“Why??”

Lyra's question cut her thoughts. ´Why what?´ , she had the urge to ask Lyra.

“Why would I trust you now? From the moment I met you, you had lied to me”, Lyra asked her. What she felt now was not normal; she wasn't certain if the woman crying in front of her was telling the truth or tried to manipulate her again. Something was telling her that she told the truth. She wanted for some reason to trust her, but she mustn't. She had to keep her guard on no matter what her mother was saying. She already had tears in her eyes, and even this was too much for her. . She would not, and she mentally repeated not feel guilt or sorrow for her mother. Not after what had happened in London, at  Bolvangar, to the children and to herself. She simply refused.

Mrs. Coulter knew this would come.

´Haven´t I proved myself to you by now? Don´t you see it?´ There was part of her asking herself those questions of why Lyra still does not trust her. Hasn't she already told her everything she could to persuade her that she wants to be her mother? That she had always wanted her?

Despite these thoughts starting to occupy her mind, without any other second of thinking, she reached her hand with the Alethiometer towards Lyra. “Here, I believe, this is yours, isn't it Lyra. Take it.” Mrs. Coulter just wanted to gain her trust again, and maybe if she offered her daughter without saying anything the Alethiometer, maybe Lyra will give her another chance to listen to her, or at least stay a little longer and this was what she wanted the most, the time with her daughter, the moment they could talk again, to explain things... to listen to her, because the last time she wasn't listening to her daughter, and she thought that maybe because of this, Lyra ran away from her. And this mistake she can't do again, not ever. For Lyra, for her daughter, to prove her love for her, to prove she's only trying to protect her.

“What!?” her eyes widened with fear as this was just another of her manipulations making Lyra come to her. Pan stood on the floor beside her, eyeing the golden monkey the entire time as he stared at him so longingly as he wanted to hug him tightly and never let go again, feeling the same as his human.

“That's why you came here, isn't it? After Carlo stole it from you. He told me that he saw you here in London's museum using it, but you didn't recognize him, so he used it as an advantage against you...and against me to get what he wants” and she had to look somewhere else because, at that moment, she couldn't bear it. 

Two things she had in mind at that moment, the fact that Carlo wanted to get her, to add her to his things, and the fact that he had seen Lyra and even stole her Alethiometer. Marisa knew Carlo too well, he would use it to get her, to impress her like he's been trying to impress her for years. Use her daughter to get her. Stealing Alethiometer from her daughter and then blackmailed her mother. And this thought had disgusted her in every possible way. Of course, he would not be the first man who wanted to get her, but using Lyra for that she could not stand in the first place. No one will use her daughter for their perverted thoughts and she will make sure of it.

She's been looking for her daughter for weeks since she ran away from her again at Bolvangar where she had arrived because of Lyra, she had been on top of her list why she arrived there as soon as possible, she could have been there she could have been in danger. Even though she managed to create a machine for cutting connections between children and their daemons because of Dust and on top of it all she has been helping kidnapping them, she swore, that her daughter, her Lyra would never be in this danger, in no danger at all, she should never be harmed like the other kids. That's why she took her from Jordan College at first, to keep her safe from it, and of course, because she was her mother, whom she secretly longed for to have for years, after seeing other women with their children, she longed to have her daughter despite the fact she had been born from one of her secret affairs and not in marriage. She was her mother, no matter what. This child was hers. After Lyra fled from her home, Mrs. Coulter immediately ordered the whole police in London to go and search for Lyra. She just hoped that Lyra did not get caught and taken to the North. Her apartment became so empty without her daughter, at first she didn't want to admit it but when she saw her again, in Bolvangar, and even in that room...already trapped inside the machine she had created to “make a better future”, the blade cutting child from his daemon before his puberty and the daemon´s settling in a final form as then the Dust will come to him and force him to make bad things… At that moment she was so scared….She never imagined that Lyra would be there. Her mother didn't even know that because Lyra gave them a fake name, not her real name, because then they could recognize her - who she is. Lyra didn't want it, she ran away from her because of this and never wanted to be found by her again or returned to her, and hid wherever she could, with the Gyptians. Mrs. Coulter had all of their boats left to be searched for her daughter. But the woman, Ma Costa, the mother of Billy and Tony Costa, her gyptian friends, hid her well so the police were unsuccessful. They have gained Lyra's trust because they never lied to her. They traveled North to save their children, and then she was on her way somewhere, because she was told the Alethiometer to go there, and to her surprise and shock, she found Billy Costa lying there on some very old bed. But this wasn't that what shocked and frightened her the most, he was there, but his daemon wasn't. It was impossible to live without a daemon with you. He has been so cold and looked like a zombie. She didn't know how she had managed it, but somehow she took him and Iorek, the armored bear who traveled with her, took them back to the Gyptians. After Billy's funeral when they burned his body, gyptians were attacked and Lyra was kidnapped and taken to Bolvangar, where unfortunately for her (and fortunately in a way) she was reunited with her mother after she was saved from that awful machine by her. In her mother´s room, they talked for a couple of minutes which Lyra found like it has been hours and that she would never be able to escape her again. But she got lucky, her mother asked her if she had the Alethiometer, which Lyra of course had, but she had to keep it as a secret, only a few people knew it. So she used the spy-fly, the thing that her mother used to find Lyra's location, for an escape, before she started her plan to save the rest of the children and destroy the separation machine. At the same time, the Gyptians came and rescued them. She escaped her mother again so she could find her father to give him the Alethiometer, the thing that she thought he needed. Unfortunately for her, this wasn't the thing that he needed, he couldn't read it so he simply left it to be. What he needed was one child for his work so he could sever him from his daemon to open the bridge to another world. He didn't care about what child it would be as it would not have been Lyra, her daughter. When Asriel saw her standing there, he panicked, of course, it wasn't for her to come there, he didn't send for her! Fortunately, there had been someone else, the kitchen boy from Jordan that went with Lyra, thankfully, Lyra was saved. If only she knew, what was gonna happen to her best friend...

“What? Against you?? How… how could he use it against you? I thought you liked him” She questioned her mother as this phrase he used as an advantage against her mother seemed likely ridiculous because from what she had seen in London where she lived for a couple of weeks with her “new guardian” (later she learned from Ma Costa it was her own biological mother, her parents were not dead like she had been told by Master, in fact, Lord Asriel wasn't her uncle as he presented himself to her, but her own father just like Mrs. Coulter had told her after their “confrontation”, but of course, she forgot to mention what she was to Lyra, even after the girl had asked her) it looked like they were friends, just like she and Roger had been. And so it looked like that, at least those few times the man came to Mrs. Coulter´s, and then they all spent their afternoon together.

"Yes, he came and told that he knows ´something valuable´ for me as he knew I´ve been looking for you everywhere”, she shifted uncomfortably at the memory like the monkey before she sighed as she looked away, not wanting to meet her daughter's eyes for a few moments before she finally encouraged herself and raised her head to look into her daughter's eyes again. All she could see was a broken little girl who had been through so much more than any other child should be. Her mother took some time before swallowing hard and adding “I dislike him as well as you, darling, much more than you. In truth, I only came here with him because he had sent me a message that he had seen you there and knew I would search for you everywhere. And I did. I was looking for you from the moment I last saw you Lyra. And if it meant seeing you again, then I would do anything to make it happen. Even to be a co-worker with Carlo.” ; ´And only co-worker, nothing more, she thought to herself then, knowing what Carlo wanted, he had already told her that earlier before the children arrived to get the golden device back.

Marisa then did something quite unexpected. She stood up and took a few steps forward Lyra, wanting to be closer to her daughter, but eventually stopped right in front of her, just in case not to spook her. Alethiometer was still placed in her right hand.

'It is the highest time to rebuild the trust' , she said to herself, and she has to make sure to do everything to make that happen. She remembered how things went with her own mother, it wasn’t a relationship made of love nor full of love at all. Only full of violence and hurt, just like with her father. Marisa didn’t want this. She wanted Lyra´s love and tenderness relationship with her daughter. She didn’t want Lyra to fear her in the same way Marisa had feared her mother. She wanted to have a better relationship with Lyra, so she could have a mother to rely on, someone who would love her more than anything else, someone she could trust with everything.

Mrs. Coulter felt her daughter's eyes on the golden device in her hands the entire time. She had to admit it and little smirked internally a few times, that's her child.

The fact that Lyra or Pan did not move back or away when she stood up and came closer surprised her and also made her happier. 'That means I still have a chance´ she thought to herself.

´Or maybe they´re plotting an escape plan again.´ The monkey said. He could feel it from Pantalaimon, on how he's been looking or acting beside Lyra.

´Shut up..´ , Marisa cut her daemon off. How dare he say something like that?! Even though she must have suspected something like that, she had already sensed it. Lyra wanted to run away from her the moment she saw her there. This is simply something that can not be allowed. Not again. Not ever.

´I won’t allow it. I won’t lose her again. I can't.´ She simply can’t. She will not fail again.

“Lyra, you´re extraordinary. I know you don't believe me, but I am only trying to protect you” , she pleaded with her daughter. Completely forgetting the fact she's supposed to be sitting in the first place and patiently waiting for Lyra to join her. “I know you can already read the Alethiometer, and I can teach you to use this power of yours in other ways. I can tell you more about dust if you want me to and why Asriel did what he did, to your friend, Roger." Knowing that's all she wants to know about. She could see her daughter’s cries and feel a triumph as Marisa knew what her daughter wanted to know. How she would love to be able to go sit down and have a proper conversation with her daughter about Dust, the Alethiometer, quantum physics like the female scientist had mentioned earlier…

Deep inside, she is so proud of Lyra, proud of what she had become, how strong she is. How she wasn’t intimidated by Boreal, by anyone. 

If only she knew how to show it right. It hurt her. She hadn’t really known how to properly show love to Lyra because she never really got it from her parents.

But the fact she couldn't take credit for what her daughter had become, as she had no chance to raise Lyra by herself, still boiled inside her after she visited that female scientist. Marisa still could not shake the feeling off from her. It had been Mary Malone´s words ´You must be so proud..´ that got her and from that moment she could not think of anything else. Her world was cruel to her, to her daughter. She was one of the best students who ever studied, she had written plenty of papers and could not publish them under her own name nor receive a doctorate for her work and her best results in final exams at College. And then she could not even keep her own daughter. Marisa was forced to make Sophia´s choice, she had to choose between her work and her daughter. Here in this world, she could have both, she could have her work, received a doctorate for her studies, and had the chance to raise her child without gossips as she could have seen this, one of the very first things she saw there when she was waiting for a Boreal to come back. She saw a woman on the street, staring at her laptop while attending to her child. Her mind started to think what could have been if she actually got to keep Lyra, if she had found the window leading here, to another London, similar to theirs but different and stayed there or if Marisa had been born here, without a daemon.

Lyra was already crying, for a long time that was all she had ever wanted to hear of her mother’s mouth. Before Mrs. Coulter, her mother, no one had ever told her that she could be extraordinary, and to be told that by her made her somewhat more alive than it did at London, and even now, under these circumstances by their reunion. She had never expected to see her again, at least not here, in Will's world and even this house, in fact, she had not expected to see her at all again. But part of her was glad. Glad to know that her mother cared about her whereabouts and her. Maybe even gladder to see her over Asriel. She can't bear to say his name without disgust or hate. Nor bear the name ´Belaqua´ anymore. Not after he did to her only friend, to her. 

Yet, that could not be true, her mother was not capable of love. Not after what she had done. Or could she?

She knew deep down that Mrs. Coulter apparently cared more than her father did. She had traveled many worlds, risked everything for her. She had watched Lyra, her own child, destroying her life´s work, a calling as she had called it, at the Station like some wolf who's been watching his prey.

Lyra was painfully aware of her mother´s desperation for her, the spy-flies had proven it. Like Ma Costa said, ´A loving gesture, a hateful gesture, it's a symbol of your mother's desperation for you´, her mother broke the law for her, the spy-flies were forbidden by the Magisterium. Yet she paid no mind to it, she was so focused on finding Lyra. Only Lyra mattered.

Perhaps her mother told her the truth when she had declared her love for her otherwise she would not be there now, in another world risking everything for a running girl. It confused her, really. Her mother was standing right there. Lyra had other plans, finding the alethiometer, and quickly came back to Will somehow as Pan sent her a message through their connection that the door had been locked after they closed themselves. He remembered that, unlike Lyra, who's been too angry to mesmerize the place. Quite everywhere, really.

Will.

She had completely forgotten about the boy, coming with him to retrieve back what has been lost. Lyra was ashamed about forgetting him. Since she saw her mother her mind went blank, everything froze and she could barely breathe. 

She had no clue how it went with Will and Latrom. Will had told her earlier he would hold him to give her enough time to get the device back. And so then she ran away from them, to the room where the man had shown them, where it had been placed.

But now, had no clue about what's happening to Will as she's still in the room, and in front of her is standing her mother holding a thing she came for. Is he alright? Wasn’t he hurt? She needs to get back to Will with the Alethiometer, but how? Her mother surely just wouldn’t let her go.

She wasn’t entirely hating her or disliking her. She knew too well how far her mother went to get her back, even breaking a law. But that is something that would have done every mother, right? Or the child's father. They would do anything to get their kids back.

But Lyra was also aware of her own feelings and desires. A desire of being loved by her mother, of being wanted. After all, she is still a child, who thought about herself as an orphan, having just an uncle as her family and her only and best friend Roger. A wish of having loving parents who would love her just like she would love them. But then she learned she wasn’t an orphan at all. All the thoughts about why her parents left her had occupied her mind for a long time. She was the result of an affair between her uncle Asriel, later she found out he was in fact her father, and her mother, who was already married to Edward Coulter, who later has been trying to kill her, but her father stopped him by killing him. Her mother was broken with the shame of it all. It was the reason why she was like she was. That's what Ma Costa had told her. Her mother was a pariah for years...And despite what she has been doing, Lyra´s heart ached for her for some time, she had time to think about everything while traveling North, she had feared her but also Lyra had loved her...

Her mother had not given her up because she had not cared about her. She just hasn’t been equipped then. She had told Lyra at the Station, right after that horrific moment. She had come back for Lyra, even though it was years after. But she came, only not as a mother, but a woman who offered Lyra a job. Lyra had never had a mother in her life, something she'd always craved.

The lengths she went for her daughter. Breaking a law and sending spy- flies in the first place, just so she could find her again. They were strictly forbidden and meant to be destroyed by the Magisterium. Yet the moment she heard about them, Marisa could not help herself. That was a symbol of ´her mother's desperation, for Lyra as Ma Costa had called it. Sure she felt anger and fear, but also she knew how desperate her mother was for her. How much she had to love her to go so far to be able to find her.

"I left everything behind just to find you and bring you back home. I know I haven't made it easy for you to trust me nor have not always shown you, but I do love you, more than anything else and I need you to know that...I made countless mistakes, but there is at least one thing I can do right…” She couldn't resist and did something she's been doing quite often back in London, but now she held out her hand and brushed strands of Lyra's hair away from her face. Surprisingly, the girl did not move away, only stared at her with her watery eyes as did so.

Lyra didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to respond. Everything seemed to have crumbled down. For the first time in her life, she didn’t know what to do, everything was so upset. She hadn’t even recognized her mothers’ movement of coming closer to her. It was only when she felt her mother's hands on her cheeks.

She wanted to believe. Oh, God knew how badly she wanted to. Lyra was aware her mother could be so good sometimes, even loving; to the extent where she had wanted to believe it. But she couldn’t. It hurt.

“If you still don't believe me, all you have to do is ask the alethiometer. But I can assure you it will only tell you what I am telling you. I do love you and nothing and no one will ever change it.” Her mother glared into Lyra´s eyes commanding her full attention to be sure she listened to her. Then she cupped her daughter´s cheek so lovingly and with care with one of her hands, wiping away all the fresh tears that made their way out of Lyra´s eye while the second one was still holding the golden device. Marisa had missed doing this. She missed having Lyra so close, in her grasp,  just a few inches away. She missed caring for her so much, she had missed washing her hair so much. Marisa had missed her so badly, all those years. 

Only after finding those photograms of younger Lyra. She had realized she made a big mistake when she gave Lyra away.

Mrs. Coulter could do anything now just to make it up to her...

´Careful Lyra, she's a cold, manipulative woman.´ Her daemon told her. Pan still wasn’t fond of her. Well, he never really trusted her or liked her, and after the incident, he never trusted even one single word that made its way out from her mouth. Of course, not to mention her daemons´ behavior all that time in London, he acted weirdly, oddly.

´I know Pan...´ Lyra answered. She seemed hesitant and maybe quite didn’t know what to tell. She knew how her mother was doing things to get what she wanted, back in London.

´She only wants to own you, to make a pet out of you again, like before, making you a prisoner, you hated it.´

ˇI…What if she had changed?´ Lyra had not forgotten Ma Costa´s words. She was born out of wedlock, a bastard child, who had caused her mother shame for years. She had spent many years as a pariah, that was why her mother was acting the way she did. She also remembered her father´s words telling her ´she had come from nothing, she was a product of something extraordinary´.

 ´Highly doubtful. People like her do NOT change.´

Yet Lyra knew the moment she heard her mother saying that she just knew she was telling her the truth. Even though she still was convinced otherwise, because her mother was not capable of loving someone, she knew this was true. And it scared her much more than she could even imagine. Her mother surely was not capable of love. How could she be capable of love when she destroyed so many other people’s lives? Hurting countless children by kidnapping them and severing them from their daemons, many of them were even younger than Lyra herself as she figured it in Bolvangar. Not to mention how she hurt Lyra directly. Ordering her monkey daemon to attack Lyra´s to hurt him, to hurt her.

Yet now and here...

She'd seen her mother cry before, but not like this. Her eyes were not so watery or red from all the crying then, it was only a single tear that made its way out of her mother's eye, back at the Station after her apologizing and assuring her no more harm. Now it was different. It looked like it was real this time, those tears, it was not possible to be another manipulation. Lyra felt it was really real now and not like then, where she had thought it had been only a manipulation. And before she had wanted Lyra to give her the alethiometer, now she doesn’t want it and offers a device back without hesitation.

Her mother offered her the Alethiometer once again.

She was hesitant at first, looking at the device back to her mother, but eventually took the Alethiometer back, she felt her heart and relief at having the golden treasure back in her hands. Safe.

´Ask it. Lyra, ask the alethiometer if she can be trusted.´ Pan said to Lyra. He's still hesitant about it all. Mistrustful towards the woman with the monkey.

Lyra glanced at her mother and the alethiometer once again. For a brief second, it looked like she's about to open it, turn needles on the requested symbols, and ask a question, just like her mother suggested.

It was only then. 

´No.´

´What do you mean?´

´Don't need to.´

She realized she didn’t need to ask if it was true what Mrs. Coulter had been saying. She could see it was not a lie in her eyes which were filled with tears. But not hateful tears, only ones made of love, desperation for Lyra. She was telling the truth. Lyra could deny everything else from her as she knew all was a lie, another attempt to try to control her, but not this, this was the truth.

It gave her more and more desperation for her own mother. She didn’t know why, but it did. She wanted to feel love, not destroy it. And Pan understood it. He could always feel her desires and wishes. Although according to him it was not the best choice, he understood Lyra. One of his parts did have an affection towards the monkey still.

Something stirred in Lyra´s heart and did something she thought she would not do anymore. She flung herself towards her mother and hugged her. Tightly. Their bodies clashed together like magnets. 

This was not a plan. Her mission was to get the Alethiometer back and go back to help Will. Yet now...it felt like she never wanted to leave again.

This reaction came so quickly and caused Marisa to fall onto the floor with Lyra within her arms. Marisa couldn't say more than “oh” at that moment as she was completely surprised at her daughter´s reaction. Her body froze for a moment before composing herself once again and catching her breath.

Marisa couldn’t believe what had just happened. Lyra had hugged her.

She never thought the girl would hug her again, after everything. Yet, here and now, she did. Lyra´s sudden reaction got them both falling to the floor as she flung herself at her. She clung to her mother like a newborn baby would be held to their mother. Marisa was completely shocked by her daughter's display of affection, and let out a sigh she was unaware she held and wrapped her own arms around Lyra tightly, securely.

And now she hugged her.

“Lyra..” All she could have got out from her mouth right at that moment. Her mouth seemed to be frozen still a little as the only word she could say was her daughter´s name. 

Neither of them wanted to move.

They however moved so Marisa could lean against the large grey sofa, so it could be more comfortable for the both of them as the mother brought her child on her lap, the girl didn't seem to protest. 

“Come here, honey..”  Marisa was surprised that Lyra let her bring her onto her lap, but even more, so that Lyra herself willingly wanted to sit onto her lap, the girl didn't protest. Probably because of the sudden need for comfort. Was she starting to acknowledge her as her mother and someone whom she could trust? Marisa could only hope.

Marisa´s hands came to rest around Lyra´s torso, tightly, but she made sure it would not hurt. Only so she pulled Lyra closer to her until she practically took her and placed her onto her lap. She just wanted to hold her daughter close to her right now. 

Mrs. Coulter felt her daughter resting her head on her chest while still softly crying and struggling to hold back tears, pressing her lips together. Her mother instinctively laid one hand on Lyra´s back, gently rubbing circles, while the other one was in Lyra's hair. Lyra's hands were around her, hugging her.

It was all she ever wanted.

“Shhh, you're fine now, darling. You're safe now. I'm here, Lyra, my baby. Mommy's here and I´m not letting anyone take you away from me ever again.”

Marisa then began to rock Lyra and herself back and forth. Her chin found its place on Lyra´s head and softly rested there, after kissing her forehead, planting there a few quick kisses. She then laid her cheek on the same place her chin once was. She was smiling, finally allowing herself to relax in Lyra´s embrace, after a long time. Her eyes were still filled with tears and she let them fall onto her cheeks, without the urge to hold them back. She was happy and now she didn't mind it at all if she softly cried into her daughter's hair or not. She did it before, when Lyra was only a baby, although she had little hair then.

Lyra. Her Lyra. Her precious baby.

She could not even remember how many times she wished to have her daughter back in her arms, back with her, safe by her side, where she belonged all those years. How much she had wanted to hold her, to dress her, to bath her, to mold her, to catch her after her first steps, to listen to her first words...how much she craved to do all those things. And when she finally got her back not so long ago, after first-ever washing her hair after such a long time, years, to be clear, had brought all of these wishes back to her.

Mrs. Coulter was never too eager for feelings, mainly for love, but Lyra was an exception. She had always found a way to her cold and broken heart and started to heal it since she was born, and even then, years later when she hugged her at Jordan. Lyra was special. And she was hers, and only hers.

Maybe it was because of her abusive parents, a mother who never really showed her daughter much affection towards her, except letting her daemon attack her daughters, or even herself hurting her daemon by picking him and squeezing him with her own hands, making her daughter an obedient doll at every opportunity. Or a father, who has been selling her to his friends to get what he wanted.

Marisa had never had a healthy relationship with either of her parents. It was rather a forced one. Full of violence and absolute control. She had learned not to care about others’ feelings or others at all. She could not even count the times her mother let her daemon on hers. There were no feelings given to her. She had no idea what all of them meant, except for the painful ones, from her mother, which she had known too well. She felt nothing for anyone for a long time. Not even to Edward, although, one small part of her was glad she had met him because she finally got away from her family.

Neither did she have the best start with her own child. She had to give away her daughter because she had not been her husband´s. It was the only way she could keep her safe and alive. Her daughter was a product of sin and her mother made her pay for being so irresponsible. She had made Marisa pay for her sinful actions in the worst way. Marisa didn't care. Lyra was her daughter and she loved her from the moment she first laid her eyes on her.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her daemon slowly coming closer to Pantalaimon in an attempt to take him in his arms and cradle him like a small baby, mimicking his human. He was cautious because he had no idea what the daemon would do, how he would react. As the golden monkey slowly approached Pan, he could sense his nervousness as well. However, what took him by surprise was the fact that Lyra's daemon made no attempts to run away. And what's even more, took him by surprise, he changed his form from the red panda into a small version of the golden monkey. 

He even let the monkey touch him. This was rare, something that one could think would never happen again after everything. Monkey let out a soft whimper as Pantalaimon leaned softly into his touch, his eyes were full of love as he watched his child, the innocence in him at all.

The monkey was happy that Pantamaimon let him pet him. He even let out a soft pour as he enjoyed the petting from another daemon, begging himself a little to enjoy and relax in the monkey´s touch. He could never quite relax near the monkey.

This p ut a smile on her face, a gentle and soft one. This was the moment she'd been waiting for a very long time. She was glad that Lyra did what she did, she had a feeling this was all she had wanted to do, but was so scared and frightened to do so. Mrs. Coulter let out a shaky breath of relief. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and she let them this time. For she was so happy to wipe them away. She looked like an angel, even with tears on her cheeks.

For a brief moment, everything stopped. The world around them melted away as she squeezed her daughter back, not wanting the moment to end. If she had one wish right now, it would be a wish for this moment to never end. 

As toxic as it may have looked, it was something they both had always wanted. A mother, who had always wanted to have a daughter. A daughter who would love her and Lyra had always wanted a mother, who would love her as much as she would love her back. Someone, who would never have given her up. Mother, who would protect Lyra at all cost till her last breath. 

And a home, where she would feel safe and loved.

In some way, she had it all already. She just didn't know that.

Someone who would care for her and about her enough to travel far away from her home just to find her and bring her back.

She felt her daughter rested in her arms, her cries had turned into sniffled breathing deeply. She could breathe again. Marisa heard Lyra’s sign.

Lyra's eyes were still closed. She had told herself to stop crying, she was so determined to not cry anymore. But this situation was completely out of her plan and this time she didn't shut the emotions down. She had let them flood her. Eventually, she was able to get control over them after a few minutes. Then she let out a soft sign, as some kind of victory.

Everything started sometime later. Both mother and daughter were getting their emotions under control again. 

Lyra noticed both of them were quiet. At first, it was fine, but as time passed by she found it to be awkward. Feeling brave, she was the one who broke the silence between them.

“Mother...?”

Lyra wanted to know what would happen after this, what her mother wanted to do. For some reason, she expected that she would want to go back to their world, back home. Of course, she shouldn't be so surprised after all.

For a second, she found out she would go back with her, but then she remembered the reason why she came here in the first place - get the Alethiometer back and return to Will so they could find his father. The Alethiometer said she had to help him find his father, and Lyra's not the one who would break a promise. Never had she broken a promise. She felt like he was her responsibility.

Marisa quietly gasped as she heard Lyra´s word, this word. A mother. It sounded nice. She had never thought Lyra would call her by this word. Because this brought her back it time for a moment, back in their world, at the Station. She had found her daughter inside the separation machine. The poor girl had luck that Mrs. Coulter, her mother, arrived just in time and stopped the procedure of the separation of the child and his daemon. Mrs. Coulter was shocked and surprised as Lyra had screamed at her ´Mother´. She didn't tell her about their true relationship, she did not tell her when Lyra asked her, nor even later she tell her. But this was only a small surprise to her, she was completely shocked and for a moment she froze, unable to do anything apart from whispering her daughter´s name as she saw Lyra there. Eventually, she gained a small control again, thanks to Lyra´s desperate scream for her to help her, and ran straight to the panels and stopped the separation.

She softly smiled as another tear found its way out of her eye. She looked down at Lyra, her Lyra. Her daughter.

“Yes, darling?” That title sounded like heaven to her.

Marisa brushed the greasy hair from the girl’s face with such tenderness as Lyra tilted her head upwards facing her mother, opening her eyes once again.

“Now what?” She desperately needed to know what her mother had in mind on doing with her. Part of her feared saying something with ´home´ in it. She had already thought about what it would be like living with her again. But she shut those thoughts rather quickly. After everything that happened, now that Lyra knew about their relationship and what her mother had been doing. It hurt. She didn't want false hopes about her.

For some reason, one part of Marisa wanted to do nothing, just sitting on the floor with her daughter on her lap, cuddling her like she was a baby for the rest of her life.

“Let´ s get a bath for you and then into bed darling. It's already late and you must be tired, aren't you? I can see you’re tired. I can't even imagine what adventures you´ve had until now.” Seeing the girl didn´t resist her words, Marisa made the first move of fulfilling her promise. But still, she could tell Lyra was a little alarmed by her sudden moves, cautious of what she wanted to do.

To prevent her from trying something, her mother quickly came up with an idea of how to entertain and occupy her daughter´s mind. This idea came into her mind just at the right time, those photograms of Lyra she had found in Asriel´s laboratory. These three photographs where her daughter is around 3 years old, with her daemon Pantalaimon sitting on her shoulder as a small bird, and the other two where she is older around 10 and 12 years old.

“Come, I´d like to show you something, my dear,” Marisa said as she beamed her nose lightly. Like if she was playing with a small child.

“What?” Lyra asked, curious now as her mother had expected. Even Pan raised his head and listened, the curiosity got him as well.

Marisa smiled and smirked at the thought of getting her daughter's full attention. That's her daughter. ”It's upstairs right in my bedroom honey.”

"Oh...Okay.."  

"Right, let's go then."  

Mrs. Coulter had already intentions of standing up, pulling Lyra up with her, and then going back upstairs, escorting Lyra to the room Boreal had offered her to stay in as long as she wanted. She had already imagined a lot of things, such as giving her daughter a bath and washing her hair, she had already made a mental note on taking extra time, because this was what she missed most after losing her in London in their world along with all soft moments between them like a breakfast, taking Lyra shopping and getting her new dresses, which as she learned Lyra never had back at Jordan, talking to her to know her daughter better, like where did she come up to the scar on her forehead or just seeing her smiling at her.

Marisa found out that Lyra was indeed a wild child and very curious. Sadly, her curiosity was never for learning. 

First few days after taking Lyra were the best but also very difficult for Marisa. 

For a long time, she was alone. Doing what she wanted and when she wanted without taking care of someone else. The golden monkey was against the thought of taking the girl in, sending her thoughts that it's better that way, they had their lives and the girl had her life too somewhere. It has been years after the scandal over her affair with Lord Asriel, but few people still remembered the bastard child of Marisa Coulter, they knew she had a child but didn't know if it was a girl or a boy. If she would take the girl, gossip would start again about the sinner and the product of her careless acts.

As much as she didn’t want to admit it, her daemon had a point. But with her rising power and with starting her work something hit her chest. And it was something foreign to her. As much as she wanted to forget her past and move on, she found herself unable to do so. After all, she was once a mother, a mother, who let her child go. A child born in sin and shame, but her child nonetheless and she started to worry about her once her work started near Lyra´s home. So she went to Jordan College and took her to live with her in London, so she could keep her safe, without telling her the truth about their true relationship.

When she took Lyra in, she had to adjust to a new life. No longer she was just on her own. She had to take care of the twelve-year-old girl, who was her own daughter.

Mrs. Coulter found the girl quite fascinating and Lyra managed to get inside her cold heart.

What got her was the fact whenever the girl could, she would always hold her hand. At first, it felt a little weird to her, but as time went by, she found herself enjoying this form of affection from the girl. Sometimes Marisa found herself taking the girl´s hand in her own as they walked on the streets around London herself. 

She knew the girl loved her and wanted to be like her, as any child she helped to capture or even capture by herself. They all have been so enchanted by her beauty and her kindness as soon as they laid their eyes on her. But Lyra was another level. Her daughter, who hadn't even known she was her mother, had woken up something inside her and she started to feel something she didn't want to feel anymore.

Her thoughts of taking her daughter upstairs, as they already had been standing, were interrupted by the sound of fighting before someone cried in pain. Both mother and daughter looked up in search of the coming noise. It took only a moment for Lyra to realize whose voice it was.

Will. 

It was Will, who cried because Latrom took his injured hand and squeezed it tightly with one of his hands. The other one had attempted to finally take the treasure he desperately wanted. The subtle knife.

“Will” , the girl whispered before yelling a firm “Will!” , her eyes widening with fear in them. She quickly shifted from her mother´s arms and wanted to run to help him. 

Pan did the same as well, shifting out of the Golden monkey´s arms and transforming back to a red panda as he ran back to Lyra. The golden monkey whimpered softly as Pantalaimon left. He even reached his small hand towards him, but it was of no use. 

Then it was the sound of a boy's voice yelling Lyra´s name.

´Damn it!´ Mrs. Coulter´s furiousness started to come out. Carlo told her Lyra was traveling with some boy, and so Marisa expected both of them to come for the alethiometer. But she thought he would be already dealt with by the time she had Lyra back and intended to take her upstairs to her room. As can be seen, Carlo was unable to do what he had promised her.

Mrs. Coulter cursed Boreal for letting this happen. She's losing Lyra´s attention and in a way, Lyra as a whole once again, just like at the Station. Why, just why could he not handle an adolescent boy? He's bigger than him and has more power than the boy. 

´How come that an adult man is not able to hold a boy, soon to be an adolescent boy like he promised? We almost had Lyra to trust us, now we´re gonna lose her again!´ The Golden Monkey hissed through their connection.

´No, we´re not. I won't let that happen. She's mine.´

Her hand quickly went to grab Lyra's, holding her there, with her as a prevent from losing her again before she could escape. She was so furious and angry at Carlo, there's absolutely no doubt of her yelling at him or being rude if he was in the same room as she and Lyra were at that moment.

“Lyra..” , she was so scared of losing her again. She didn't even realize she grabbed her daughter's hand and held it too tightly if the girl had not cried a little from the pain. Her grip loosened slightly, but not enough to let her slip away from her grasp again.

´I wow now never, to fail again.´

Lyra looked at her with fear and panic in her eyes as she felt her mother´s hand grabbing her. She desperately needed to go to help Will. Something must have happened to him and she had to know what. She let out a slight cry as her mother held her hand too tightly to the fact, it hurt. Then a second later she felt a loosened grip a little but still, her mother held her, determined not to let her go.

“Let go of me..” she pleaded to her mother. She had to return to Will. She felt her eyes filling with new tears again.

“I can't Lyra." Her mother returned, her voice starting to crack as she looked at her, her eyes starting to pool up with tears once again.

"I have to go and help Will. You have to let me go!" Lyra struggled, desperately trying to let herself free from her mother's strong grip. 

Boreal had mentioned Lyra was traveling with some boy. That he has them trapped because of the deal they made. She knew the boy meant troubles from the moment she heard it from Carlo. There they were again, just like at Jordan, when Lyra had asked her if her friend Roger could come with them. Of course, Mrs. Coulter had no intentions of bringing the boy with them, not wanting to share Lyra with anyone again, not again, not ever. It would only cause trouble, Lyra would not want to spend time with her, only to be with her friend and probably cause some mischief. Lyra would never be hers if she took the boy with them, but in a way, she was never hers. 

And now history is repeating itself. Some boy, a random boy from another world whom Lyra barely knew, is standing between her and her daughter. Mrs. Coulter's rage started to boil at her daughter's ability to cling onto any new person that was not her, her own mother, slowly started to come through. First, the Gyptains, then some aeronaut, who would give up his life for her, then the female scholar who ´loved´ meeting her, and then a boy.

Boreal had only one job to do, he was meant to take care of that boy once he and Lyra arrived so Marisa could have her again. And even that he's not able to do such a small thing as he was requested to do so. He is such a failure of a man at everything, indeed. Marisa certainly had to have a little chat with him once Lyra was with her once again, safe.

“Will? Who's Will, Lyra?” Marisa found herself trying to play dumb as she heard this name for the first time. Boreal has already informed her about the boy, not that she paid much interest. She was only concerned about Lyra.

“He's my friend… And he needs me! I have to help him!” She tried, yet again, to get away from her mother´s strong grip. Lyra tried everything she could think of. But none of her attempts to slip away were successful.

“Please...Let me go...” she pleaded with her mother to let her go. What she had been thinking? There was no way of having an honest conversation with her mother and then just...leaving her...again?

'What were you thinking Lyra? I told you we should run when we had the choice.' Pan was right, but she ignored him, again.

“I can't. You know that….I can't let you go, not again, not ever. I can't lose you again. You need to understand that your mother does love you and wants you with everything she has." Marisa pleaded with her daughter to stay with her. Her words held a pure, vulnerable longing for her child to want her in the same way she yearned for her child for so long. She just can't lose her child again. Not now when she saw what she could have been in this world. A world, where she could have had her work, received a doctorate for her work, even an acknowledgment, something she never got because of her gender. But what she wanted more was to be a mother. A mother to her own daughter. Just how she saw how easily she could have had both...the anger started to boil inside her.

Both of them had teary eyes. Marisa stared at Lyra like she was the most precious thing in the world, afraid if she blinked, Lyra would disappear once again.

Her mother's words were the reason Lyra started to cry even more. 

She froze inside. She couldn't move, couldn't say anything. She couldn't do anything. Lyra was torn. One half wanted to run away to Will, while the other one wanted to stay there for some reason. She wanted to desperately believe her mother's words again, but she couldn't. Or could she after all, what she had done?

LYRA!!

Will's scream for his new friend sounded all over the house. He wanted to get out of this house and away from the man, who has been hurting him as soon as possible. Giacomo had made it right, he told them that the knife could not end in the wrong hands, never. It chose the younger boy as its new bearer after the fight, Will had to fight with an older boy who had stolen it from the man before and tied him with a rope. A man who would like to do nothing and claim something is not worthy of having anything. He sent two children for a treasure he wished to have, fully aware of its possible danger of sending them to get it, and yet he did it. Oh, he can still look forward to Marisa´s anger for sending her daughter straight to danger.

“I love you Lyra..” She said it. Marisa said it now, barely above a whisper, her voice faltered by her tremendous lips from crying. There was no way of going back, not that she wanted to take it back.

Her eyes were red from all the crying. Her eyes locked with Lyra´s teary eyes once again. They were so lost in each other's eyes for a second which felt like an eternity, both in their own battle of exposing their vulnerabilities to another and relying on the other's trust.

“Love you too…mother....even after you hurt me...” Lyra answered quietly, in a whisper. This comment took her by surprise, just as much as it took Pan. Both of them. But it was true, always has been, despite everything, deep down she still loved her, after all, it was her mother.

Everything started after Lyra´s revelation about loving her mother. 

Marisa let out a sharp breath as a relief, what her daughter said. She still loved her, after everything. It was all she had wanted, besides having her back by her side, where she belonged.

Marisa realized that not so long ago, back in their own world, on that mountain in Svalbard. Asriel had offered her to go with him, to help him to build The New Republic of Heaven, a better world. But she refused, she said no. She didn't want to go because of Lyra, her daughter.  ´I want her with everything I have´ , she told Asriel, one thing that has not been a lie. She didn't know why, nor her daemon, but she wanted to be with Lyra.

"Please, stay here, stay here.. with me…" 

'Lyra, we have to go, now is our chance... she seems shocked and her grip loosened a little…' Pan begged Lyra. He felt a little conflicted too, but he remembered Will. They had to go and help him, something was not alright and they had to know what.

Pan was right and Lyra knew it. But she felt completely frozen there, her head and heart were so conflicted and she didn't feel good about leaving her mother behind. Not like before at Bolvangar, where she had to help those children get out of that horrible place. She did what she had to after seeing her mother not changing, even after seeing Lyra in the machine. But now… 

Lyra felt her mother´s grip loosen, so she took her chance, and this time, she succeeded. She sniffed out of her mother´s grip…

"Sorry…I have to go..." She said quietly, her voice shaking from crying, sadness but also a little fear of what would happen next.

Lyra took what she had supposed to be the last look to her mother and started to run towards the stairs. She didn't know why but she felt her heart aching in the same way as it ached for her best friend Roger. She will never forgive herself for her own betrayal.

"Lyra!" Her mother yelled.

Lyra stopped dead after her mother's scream. She couldn't help herself but look back. What she didn't know, it was a big mistake to do so, Pan said it to her too, but she ignored him. It was a sound she never wished to hear again, from this woman.

.

She could already feel something bad in the air, Pan sensed it too. Her mother´s look hardened and the golden monkey started to march from left to right, Pan noticed he looked anxious. 

Mrs. Coulter was full of anger now for Boreal´s lack of control of the situation with the boy. She could tell that boy would be a problem since she had heard about him. Her eyes were still red thanks to tears that fell from her eyes, her cheeks, which were wet, still looked as if they had been angelic ones. 

She felt helpless. All she wanted was her child and once again, she started losing her. She vowed to never fail again. She will do anything to not lose her daughter again.

“You have to stay away from that boy, do you hear me? He will do nothing, but harm.” Mrs. Coulter said a little harder since her voice faltered from all the crying, but as soon as she said that, she instantly felt it was a bad thing to say. 

The look Lyra gave was everything for her to realize something. But said it because all she has ever known has been exactly thís case, every single man, including her father´s friends and then later her husband Edward, had always wanted just one thing from her, because of her beauty. She was referencing her and Asriel, how her affection for him has led her down a very, very dangerous path. Now she's someone she can't even recognize, she knows she has been different, not always like this. And she just wants to prevent the same thing from happening to her daughter. But not all of them are the same, and this boy, Will, is definitely not one of those men. He would never hurt Lyra, he hates hurting, even when he has no other choices to prevent it - like those burglars in his house or the older boy whom he had to fight for the knife.

Something unreadable flew through Lyra´s eyes and her mind. It was sudden and in a way, she seemed changed by that. Why would she listen to her mother? After all, she was the one who hurt her, in more than one way.

It was like a change, wherefrom the softer one she went to the harder one. Like if she just realized her mother´s true colors. Realization of the need to control her, just like before in London, or Bolvangar, where she wanted the Alethiometer and wanted her to choose a side, her mother's side actually. But Lyra chose herself, her own side, not anybody else's.

“Why would I listen to you? Who are you to judge him? You don't even know him. Will has never hurt me, unlike you…” she said with as much anger and venom as she could find in herself as she looked back at her mother, then her daemon, and back at her. Who the hell is she to judge others?! However, what she doesn't know is that her mother is only referencing herself and how men only wanted to use her for their own desires.

'See?? Told you. She's a cold and manipulated woman.'

Lyra felt something snap her, awoke in her, something she was even unaware of being inside her.

“Lyra...please listen to me…” she heard her mother say, but really couldn't focus much, something was blocking it, the painful memories. It was as if all of them started showing up in her mind not one by one, but all of them at once.

“I wanted to trust you again...you have no idea how much I wanted to...but I can't and now I know it...the only person whom I can trust is Will and I have to help him. Goodbye  Mo- Mrs. Coulter.”

Lyra turned her back towards her mother once more, this time determined not to look back for anything. Her only wish was to be back with her new friend Will. Pan was a few steps ahead of her.

However, her plans did not go the way she wanted them to go.

Just as she made attempts to run away, she felt her mother´s hands around her own body, tightly gripping around her torso. She struggled and screamed for her to let go of her, letting out tremendous sobs, practically acting feral herself. 

The golden monkey quickly, but cautiously approached Pan and did the same as his human, Lyra felt Pan being trapped inside the monkey´s hands, holding him in one place. He didn't want to hurt him, just to make him stay there, just as Mrs. Coulter tried to make her daughter stay there with her, safe.

"Lyra"   Pan cried in desperation as he was trapped inside the monkey's little hands. They were both trapped, again.

Feeling Pan trapped inside the monkey´s hands, Lyra felt herself starting to be sick. It didn't feel good when the monkey touched her Pan. It didn't feel natural. At least not right now.

Lyra had seen this kind of affection a few times before when she watched the gyptian kids being comforted by their mothers. There it felt and looked completely normal, natural, mothers taking care of their children while their daemons were soothing children’s daemons. 

The only time where she could recall it felt a little soothing, or rather an attempt to soothe, was after Mrs. Coulter had her daemon attack Pan. That afternoon Mrs. Coulter left without saying anything and came back about 1 hour later. Lyra had time to finally sneak to her private office and to find absolutely anything that she has been hiding and doing. And indeed, she found some papers about “General Oblation Board” and then papers and pictures about some machine in which were both human and his daemon, or at least it seemed like that alongside with a blade placed right between them. 

Unfortunately, she had a little time to find and learn more as Pan told her Mrs. Coulter was returning. For the first time, Lyra put everything where it belonged and hurried back through veins to her room before Mrs. Coulter could spot her. Usually, Lyra got caught, this time she was lucky. When Mrs. Coulter came into her room, Lyra was reading a book about North, or at least she tried to read and calm down her breathing. When she turned her head and faced the woman again, she looked different, saying ´that's lovely to see with a smile on her face, seeing Lyra sitting at the table with a book,  before Lyra caught a sign of her daemon going closer and closer to Pan. They were so afraid of another attack or something, but instead of it, Lyra felt the woman´s daemon lightly touch hers, stroking his little ermine head with his hand, and out of the corner of her eye, she could see the woman as surprised as she was. She looked different than before, it almost seemed like she was happy that Lyra had her daemon to be touched. That look Mrs. Coulter gave her then...her eyes were soft, and for a brief moment it looked like she's going to start crying. That moment ended quite quickly, with Mrs. Coulter retrieving herself from Lyra´s room, leaving her alone.

However, the golden monkey had to keep adjusting his hold onto Pan now as he had a disadvantage for not being able to change forms anymore. And although Pan did not change himself, he has had a few chances to escape. 

Marisa was so desperate not to lose the only person whom she loved more than anything and swore to keep her safe. She quickly moved towards her daughter and held her close to her there, determined not to let her go. Marisa was pulling her daughter into her, trying to keep her from running away, and although she was older and held her with everything she had, she had problems with keeping Lyra with her, holding her was harder and harder, thanks to Lyra´s moves. After all, Lyra was a wild girl, who fought in Jordan with so many children, had scars everywhere as souvenirs and dirty clothes from mud, whenever she could.

“Please, don´t leave me…” That was all Marisa could say to her daughter. They were still in some kind of fight where Lyra struggled and tried to free herself from her mother´s strong grip. She was so helpless now, nothing has been successful to keep Lyra with her. She had the urge to send her daemon a message to stop struggling with Pantalaimon and start to make him obey, just like in London after Father MacPhail visited her flat, he made her angry about her project which has started to be noticeable and since The Magisterium has been funding it, they were ready to take all back and let it all be public as hers, letting her alone to deal with consequences, and then later Lyra drove her mad and didn't want to listen to her about that absurd shoulder bag she had on her. That evening, she didn’t see Lyra, nor did Lyra her, neither of them had the courage to face each other. No matter how much Mrs. Coulter wanted to, but she knew, it certainly would only end up worse than better.

Lyra heard her mother´s sentence, but this time, she ignored it, or more likely, tried to ignore it. This woman had deceived her too many times and she had to be clever now. She had to use her head and everything she had left for having a chance to escape.

“No!! The only one who's hurting me is you! You tricked me into believing you love me but you don´t, you never really loved me! You would never abandon me if you really loved me...” She screamed and cried like a newborn baby right after birth. She was still full of hurt, having to grow up alone, without anybody to be there for her, full of hurt of what Mrs. Coulter had done to her, Lyra felt like she played with her heart and mind, saying something about loving her and wanting to protect her and then tried to break her and control her, making a pet from her, just like when they lived together in London.

However, deep down she knew the whole story from Ma Costa. She knew her mother was not to blame for her near death, it was far away to be her mother´s fault. Yes, it was her husband, who tried to kill her (fortunately he did not succeed), but not she, not her mother, who wanted her dead. It was not easy for all of them, Asriel, her father lost his property, lands, and money because of the trial after shooting a high politician in order to protect his daughter, her mother became a pariah, and who she is now after the affair had become public and everyone knew about it and her bastard child and Lyra growing up all alone, mad at them both for lying to her about being her parents.

She was just full of hurt, and her mind was not clear at the moment. The anger that she's been holding inside her had to come up actually someday, like if she was a pot that has been on fire for too long. And so it showed up now, not at the best time, if her mind was to say, but it was too late to take it back. If she was being honest, Lyra waited for her mother to lose control and do something to her again, like when she ordered her daemon to attack Pan. But tó her surprise, none of what she expected happened. For a moment, she thought she saw her mother´s broken face at her words, and when she heard her mother answer her back, it simply took her by surprise again.

“But I hadn't tricked you, darling. I do love you and I do want you... I...I couldn´t keep you then...” Marisa argued back. She felt her eyes pool again by hearing Lyra´s accused words. She tried reasoning with her child, but as it seemed, it was absolutely fruitless. Lyra was simply too stubborn child, just like she was once.

"You could if you really wanted to." she cried back. She felt her heart beating faster and faster with each spoken word.

"Lyra... Lyra, my darling, please...listen to me, I can explain everything…if you would only stop struggling for a minute-" 

“No... Stop... Let go of me, Mrs. Coulter.”

Somehow, Lyra managed to get from her mother´s tight grip thanks to herself and Pan´s help. She could tell her mother felt some sort of pain by the way her grip loosened slightly, by hearing Lyra calling her Mrs. Coulter, a formal name, too formal for her daughter to use. Lyra was her daughter and she was her mother, Lyra had all right to call her by this name. 

Pantalaimon had used all of his strength he had left and freed himself from the monkey´s hold. Lyra and Pan worked together to have a chance of running away. Lyra used words as her weapon and Pan his strength. Together they have succeeded.

She could tell it was because of what she said to her mother, that something got her and gave her a chance to escape. She felt a little guilty for saying what she said, but as the wave quickly came into her, and caused her heart pain, it also quickly disappeared away. She remembered everything her mother had done to others and to her.

“We´re so alike, darling. You are so like I was..” Marisa said to her daughter, almost chucked when saying it.

Couldn’t help, but feel pride inside her, for her daughter she was so strong and brave for such a young age. They both were for sure so alike in so many ways - having skills at lying and (usually) getting out of any troubles, defiance, fighting against their own mother, even being so brave at this age when Marisa was old like her daughter is now... if only they both knew. 

Remembering she acted just like her daughter, being so easy-going with everyone, including her daemon, fighting with other children whenever she sneaked away from the house and her lessons, her desire for traveling, everything...even her refusing or avoiding orders from her mother. But as she learned it the hard way, it has been a huge mistake. As punishment her mother used her daemon to attack Marisa´s, pinning him onto the floor, instantly pinning Marisa as well, ignoring her pleas to stop.

However, it was a huge mistake to compare both of them like that. She had no idea what would come next.

"I am nothing like you and I'll never, ever be!" Lyra split out of her mouth. Her eyes red from the crying held nothing else than pure anger.

She felt the fire rising up inside her body. Anger, rage at her mother's words and the fact she's comparing them, saying they're both the same. How could she even dare to think like that?! Lyra is nothing like this woman, so cruel and heartless, so keen to tear children's daemons, their own soul away from them as to prevent dust from settling on them and lead them to be making wrong choices and having unhappy thoughts.

Lyra wasn’t even in her body then, it was like if her mind was not there anymore. Or if her mind was there, inside herself, then she was not aware. She watched her mother´s face fall down at her daughter´s words.

What she did then Lyra never thought she would do.

She repeated her mother´s actions back in London in their world. But this time it was her mother who was completely surprised, because not even in the oddest dream she would certainly not expect this, at least from her own daughter.

At the moment she grunted with nothing more than anger, her daemon Pan changed from his current form of a red panda to a wolverine, and without hesitation, he flung from his position towards the golden monkey. Lyra, full of anger, ordered her daemon to attack her mother´s, just like her mother ordered hers on Lyra´s, back in the apartment.

At the moment Pan pinned the golden monkey onto the floor from the sofa, where he's been sitting for some time. True malice and anger, they thought.

Marisa was instantly pinned down not too far away from him too, completely stunned and shocked. The sudden pain that filled her entire body was almost unbearable if she hadn’t been so trained in this form of pain from her mother. Years of practice from her mother made her feel she deserved it. For someone, this kind of pain would have been unbearable if they had received it for the very first time, for Marisa she learned how to push this form of pain aside, or at least part of it so it had become bearable for her then. 

Marisa was shocked. She couldn't believe what her daughter did. But as she recalled the conversation earlier with the Aeronaut ´You feel that?Grateful?´ , she felt she deserved it, for all her sins. The look in Lyra´s eyes when they locked with hers, she could tell Lyra was shocked as well, maybe even more than she and maybe deep inside didn't want this at all but she was too late to stop it.

Pantalaimon was throwing the golden monkey around the room as if the older daemon was nothing more than a piece of garbage.

Watching Lyra attacking her was like a true nightmare, the horror of what her daughter was doing surprised her the most.

But Marisa wasn't angry at her, she was angry at herself and this she took as her punishment. 

She could never be angry at Lyra. Her Lyra. Her precious daughter. Much to her despise and frustration over that Scoresby, when he dared to say her love for Lyra is not enough though, she had to admit his talking about being grateful when the pain had come. She wanted so badly to hurt or do something worse to him at first when he refused to tell her about Lyra, but then she realized she has someone to keep her daughter safe. ´Tell me, where she is… I can’t, because I do love her, and I swore to keep her safe.´ The aeronaut, Lee Scoresby, proved himself more than enough to her, and she just knew that if she had failed to find Lyra herself and he would have found her somehow, he would keep her safe for sure until she would come and take Lyra back. After all, she was her mother, Lyra would always be safe with her.

She was also reminded of her past thanks to him. As she found out, not that she wanted to know it, by the way, they both had similar parents. Both of them got abused by them, almost every day or very, very often for not obeying rules, or just because their parents wanted to. ´You do know, don’t you?´ When she looked away from him and stared on a floor inside the cell, and started to breathe faster and faster, he understood why. Lee waited for some reaction, answer, but none of that came. So he decided to look back at her, and that was when he saw her looking away and heard her breathing, he understood why there was no answer. 

´You do know, don’t you?´ Again, there was no answer, so he just continued because now he had it confirmed. ´Because you had parents just like mine, Of course, you did. Of course, you did.´ Marisa tried to gain back control over herself and her emotions, but it was hard thanks to remembering what had happened to her when she was a child. Some courage was still inside her when she said ´You know nothing about me.´

And I believed I deserved it. I believed them I was nothing, I believed I deserved it. Was always grateful for it when it came. Ever feel that? Grateful?´ This has stayed in her mind ever since. She tried to get it out but failed. 

Marisa was indeed grateful for this pain now. She truly believed she deserved it, and the fact it was her own daughter, who was punishing her changed nothing. Yes, through connection with her golden monkey daemon she felt the pain, her soul was suffering from the younger daemon as he was bitting him and throwing him from one side to the other, but as always, she has been doing her best to ignore it.

It took her a while, but eventually, she managed to gain some control over the pain inside her and looked back at Lyra. She still felt the pain, but that now didn't stop her from looking at her daughter. She was still afraid Lyra might vanish at any moment, even now. However, when the younger daemon, Pantalainon, caught her daemon and threw him away, she couldn't help herself but look painfully towards her.

Yet when her eyes locked with Lyra's, she could tell from the look Lyra gave her was nothing more than horror and fear. The horror of her slowly standing up and fear of how she is able to even move to stand up. Lyra could only move on the floor back then, and it was a move from the unbearable pain, somehow Mrs. Coulter now could slowly move her body much more than she could. 

Why is this happening? Why is her mother getting closer and closer? This shouldn't be happening…

Unless...

No, this can't be true.

Unless she fights the connection she has with her daemon.

Her eyes widened with both fear and realization that no matter how much Pan bites the golden monkey, no matter how hard it is, it has no power over her mother. She was getting closer and closer to her. Lyra was only able to move back, making small steps back to the stairs. One small step by another.

The golden monkey wouldn't fight back for some reason, never even made the attempts to. Pantalaimon's teeth dug deep inside his fur, for he could only struggle in pain and weakly try to get from the younger daemon's grasp.

Marisa was breathing heavily. This sudden reaction of her daughters took her by surprise. 

But she was getting control over her own body. She wanted to see for Lyra to see she didn't want to fight back to defend herself, that she could order for her daemon to fight back, but she didn't. 

She hoped for her to see her taking the punishment, for her to see taking all the pain for her. That she was worth any of this. She hoped she'd prove herself this way to her, and prove the love she had for her. 

Her heart ached to see her daughter terrified. Terrified of her own mother. Scared to the point her body began shaking from the fear, and tears falling from her eyes. She didn't want this. Marisa wanted so badly to comfort her daughter. To hold her tight, reassure her everything is alright, that she is safe, that she would protect her. Little by little, she was able to move more and more. To be able to move closer to Lyra as she was still so afraid she would vanish at any single moment. Marisa was scared so much that she rather did not blink at all.

As soon as her eyes locked with her mother´s, Lyra became terrified and even more so when she saw her standing up and moving closer to her. She couldn’t believe what was happening. In one moment, she and her mother were holding each other, their daemons mirroring them, Lyra wanting to believe in Mrs. Coulter´s change, and in the other one, they were arguing, her mother trying to persuade her to stay with her and to stay away from Will because he´d hurt her, and Lyra ordering Pan on her mother´s daemon, just like she sent her on Pan in London...What a lie! Will would never do her harm. He was the one she trusted most, just like she trusted Gyptians, Lee and Iorek.

Lyra was breathing heavily, tears began falling on her cheeks without even being forced to or without any further doing. Her body began shaking alongside her faster breaths and widened eyes. She had a panic attack. She was scared of what her mother would do to her once she would catch her. 

Her mother was moving closer and closer, no matter how strong Pan´s bite was. All that time she wasn’t even trying to fight back, the monkey only tried to escape, not fight back. It was of course of no use as Pantalaimon always caught him and bit him hard, making him cry louder. Lyra noticed that, but she didn’t give much to it, for her mind had been occupied by something else.

´Oh no..´ she thought, ´she´s gonna hurt us now, if not kill..´

The girl wanted nothing more than to flee at that moment, but she found her legs frozen. Unable to make any moves. She was left to her fate.

Marisa stood just a few inches away now, she could already touch Lyra if she really wanted to, but knew it would only scare her more. Her eyes held nothing more than longing for her daughter and the pain she felt through the connection with her daemon. But the pain was only in second place, irrelevant to her. Lyra came first, the rest of it didn’t matter anymore. She saw her shaking and crying. Her heart ached to see Lyra in this state. Marisa wished only one thing, holding her.

Slowly, but making sure to not scare Lyra more, she made another step towards her.

Then it started.

The pain was no longer a problem for Marisa, for she was determined more than before, she vowed herself to not fail again. To never let Lyra let go.

Marisa extended her hand towards Lyra and carefully touched her face. Her eyes were soft and even though the tears that have been falling from her eyes, she looked quite angelic. No wonder why Lord Asriel had fallen in love with her all those years ago.

Marisa sensed the tension in the air between them immediately, both of them actually. Something had changed in the air that grew only more powerful the closer her hand moved towards her daughter. When her hand touched Lyra´s face, Marisa breathed deeply with both relief that she actually touched Lyra and happiness because of the touch. Because it was real, her mind wasn't playing with her this time.

Yet when her hand touched her daughter’s face, she couldn’t help herself but start crying. Tears began to fall down from her eyes uncontrollably. Smiling, quietly making herself proud of touching Lyra. She found out she couldn't get enough of it.

"Lyra, my darling…" Mrs. Coulter said, gently stroking her cheek with nothing other than love. Her heart melted from the joy.

Lyra saw her mother´s hand coming closer to her. All she wanted to do was run as fast as possible from this place, from this person. Away from her mother. But her body was unable to do even one single move. She felt betrayed by her own body.

Then she felt the touch. 

Lyra expected to be slapped or something after what she had done.

However, nothing of what she expected came. She felt her mother's hand stroking slowly and her cheek. She looked at her and saw her smiling. Lyra tried to find anything wicked in her eyes, but she found nothing, not even her tears had. Only love.

She really wants to trust her...to love her…after all, this was her mother.

It only made her cry even more.

Fresh tears were wiped from her cheeks by her mother´s hands.

“Shh...shh...it's alright my love…” she heard her say.

Lyra was staying on one of the stairs leading down to the couch. At one point, she gave up even trying to get out of that place. She just stayed there and waited for things to show and act. Even if her legs had been able to move, she wouldn't have gotten far, for her connection with her daemon was too strong. Or her mother would get her and keep her there for sure, while her daemon would hold Pan firmly on the floor or somewhere else.

She and Pan tried many times to be apart, how far they could get before the pain in their chests hit them. They tried it, when they were younger, about three or four years ago with other children from Oxford. 

It felt like an entire eternity to her when her mind wasn't in her. She didn't know how, but very soon she found herself in her mother's arms.

Again.

"You're fine now... you're safe…"

Lyra began shaking from both fear and because her breathing was dangerously quick and she started to have a panic attack. She was very close to hyperventilating. She couldn't get her breathing under control.

"I'm here…"

Lyra even surprised herself. She tried to get away from her mother's hands and the hug but she couldn't. For her mother, even though the pain, locked her arms around her and kept them around her back. And even if her mother didn´t lock her arms around her with a strong grip, Lyra was too weak to fight her.

Soon, she found herself falling into her embrace. Emotions had overtaken her.

Will and Sir Charles, or rather Lord Boreal, fought till their last breath. Will was buying Lyra the time she desperately needed to find the Alethiometer, because deep down he knew the man hid it for sure. He knew the children were looking when he had been keeping it.

Latr om´s intentions were only on the knife the boy held in his left hand. This was his entire concern, just the knife he desperately wanted.

“I thought we had a deal.” He said his voice was firm, the very same tone as he usually uses. His face held a little surprise at Will´s defense and resistance, but more it held anger.

Every time he took a step towards the boy, Will took one step backward the hall. He was at a disadvantage as he had to watch the man just like his daemon in the form of a snake, which was on the floor a few inches in front of him. Will didn´t know what to expect from the snake daemon as he still knew only a little of what Lyra had told him earlier. He didn't know about the taboo of touching other people's daemons except your own.

“The deal's off.” Quickly answered back.

"Lyra!" He suddenly felt desperate as the man was getting closer and closer to him. He didn't want to fight again, not that he wanted to anyway. Will is a very caring person, he would never hurt anyone, but back then at his own home, when those men wanted to steal his mother's letter from his father. I didn't have a choice, but to defend their house and his mother. However, now he didn't have a choice but to fight.

"Lyra, we have to get out of here!" He shouted frantically. He didn't want to be in this house for another second. He hoped Lyra already found the device and it's on her way to him. He and Lyra needed to get back the Alethiometer. He would never admit it so easily but he needed it for finding his father, he would take care of everything, Will thought. And, hopefully,  his mother will get better. He wouldn't be able to find him if they had not to get the device back.

"Give me the knife and you can leave." Will heard what the man had suggested.

"Never. I´m not going anywhere without Lyra."

“Bad news for you. She's not going anywhere.”

“ LYRA!!”  

Again. Nothing. No answer came back.

"If you did something to her...I...I swear I'll kill you!" Something was not right and he could feel it. He could. Since being younger, Will had to take care of her sick mother and deal with everything. He could sense when something bad was going to happen. Just like then, now he realized something did not go according to his and Lyra's plan.

“She's not going anywhere, her mother is there and I believe they're talking right now about returning to their home. Not that I understand why she wants that little spoiled brat back.” He could never understand Marisa´s desire to find the girl again. The child who put her status and reputation into shame and mud.

"What?" Will was shocked. Lyra had never told him about her mother or father since they met. She had never spoken about her mother. Or father, apart from learning from her that her father made a window which she crossed through. Lyra's mother caused another problem with searching for his father. What if Lyra wanted to go back home with her mother? What would he do if this would happen? His mission to find his father could not continue.

"Did you not hear? We had a deal so give me the knife and get out of my house." Latrom said calmly.

"No. I said the deal's off. Lyra!"

"How is she? Your mother?" Latrom asked suddenly. He needed to change the subject for getting finally his hands on the knife he desired the most. He knew this topic would bring bigger energy and the boy would be listening to him for sure. He had already planned to get the woman into this house, just in case something would happen and the boy would not be so polite. The only problem was that he failed because the woman was not at home and he had no clues on where she might have been. Even the men he hired didn't know.

But as long as the boy would think he has her there, it doesn't matter. All he has to do is to make the boy believe his lie.

The man now got the boy's full attention again. That's exactly what he wanted. His wicked smile told it. Boreal noticed Will's disgust over his smile and got slightly angry, but more pleased.

He saw the anger and rage in the boy's eyes as he suddenly ran towards him with a battle yell.

"Don't you dare to talk about my mother! She's better than you in any way." Will yelled as he attacked the man. His skills from the box really were the disadvantage to him right now, even only a few.

But it seemed it had no effect on the man as he fought back, more likely just, and continued in his speech. He was very pleased as he once again got the boy into such a position.

"She seemed nice, I can only ask myself how can someone so nice like her be related to you? I must admit she cooperated with me much better than you when she heard your name…"   

"Don't you even dare to…" He couldn't even say the whole sentence as suddenly Latrom jumped into his conversation. 

"As a token of my goodwill, I will give you one last chance. Pass me the knife just like we agreed and leave.”

When Will did not obey, he continued, "Awful to think what could happen to someone so vulnerable like your mother I can only imagine…"

He talked about his mother again, now he treated him about wanting to hurt her which was the last thing he heard before launching at him. Anger completely blinded his often light sight right now. Will practically launched at him with all his might.

The fight was horrible. Everything was flying across the whole room they got, if not the corridor. Will, despite his reluctance to fight in any way, now fought with all his might, just because he wanted to protect his mother. 

This man treated her as if he would not give her the knife. But his mother is safe, right? He took her to someone who promised his door would always have stayed open. And because of what happened at their home, Will needed to put his mother somewhere safe. Only then it wasn't going according to his plan. When he got home, yes, these men were not here so he had the chance to find what his mother told him to find, his father's letters. But when he started to read them, those men, hired by Latrom, came again. They thought no one would be in the building, so they could search again for the letters. Will, having got scared and by accident, killed one of them and ran away to another world. Leaving his mother behind.

There's no chance for her mother to be here, she is safe far away from here. Or is she not? Latrom said that he has to give him the knife or his mother will be in danger. But he can't give it up. Giacomo said it clearly. If a knife falls in the wrong hands, all worlds can be in danger.

He has had to decide while the fight continues…he has no idea if the man is lying to him or not, nor does he has any chance to find the truth.

The two of them fought like they were the last two people on earth, fighting for the last piece of food of some kind. Everything was broken, the glamorous and very expensive glass and porcelain were no longer one thing, all was being sent off onto the floor, breaking into small pieces as soon as they touched the floor.

The man got in charge of the boy, taking his injured hand and gripping it on purpose. Will yelled with pain and his eyes were closed automatically so tightly from the pain which was almost unbearable. 

Will had no choice but to throw the knife away, hoping the pain would leave. Just like he expected, the man´s concern headed towards the knife. He saw the man turning away from him to get the knife and with a quick-thinking, he took the last vase that was whole and ran after the man. Seeing the only way to get the knife before the man, Will threw the vase at Latrom´s head, momentarily knocking him out.

Will, for a second being shocked once again for having to hurt someone, gathered his strength and grabbed the knife, and started to run downstairs for Lyra. Unfortunately what he hadn't seen was that man was coming back to himself, gathering back and already standing to go after him downstairs. The man planned to use the boy's mother as an advantage, but since he wasn't able to find her, he had to lie, which was something he was good at. 

“Where do you think you're going?”

The man grabbed his arm and held it in a strong grip. Will did his best to try and get his hand off him, but it didn't work.

“Let me go! Lyra! Where are you??!”

“Lyra!” Again, nothing. 

“I already told you her mother is here and she's not going anywhere without her. She´s been looking for her for weeks.”

Latrom then took his wounded hand and squeezed it tight, making the boy yell in pain.

“I see I'm in charge here, but as proof of my goodwill, you will get the very last chance. Give me the knife or your mother will pay for your recklessness.”

“Don't you even dare-”

“I'm done with you. I tried to be the good guy.  Bring the woman here!” Latrom yelled.

In the next couple of seconds, Will tried to understand what was happening. His mother was supposed to be safe with his teacher. How on Earth has this horrible and wicked man found her? 

But his thoughts were interrupted a few seconds later as the door on his left side at the end of the corridor opened, revealing the one person he loved most in all worlds.

“Mum!” Will yelled. His voice cracked and was full of worry.

“Will? Will! What's happening?  What are you doing here? Why did you leave me? Will, don´t trust this man, he was after your father and father´s letters.”

“Mum, everything's going to be okay, do you hear me?” He tried to calm her down.

"Oh, I'd love to watch a family reunion but I have other things to do. So? The knife or your mother, choose yourself, Will. I wasted more time with you all than you actually deserved.”

Lyra cried the whole time, even after being pulled into her mother's embrace. She cried for two main reasons, maybe more but those two were actual - her mother and Will. She still, somehow, loved her mother, even after she had put her through and done, and for her new friend Will.

Her breathing was still dangerously quick and couldn't be slowed down. Lyra was very close to starting hyperventilating.

Marisa didn't know what to do. She had no clue on what she should do to help her daughter so she could feel better. She thought the embrace would help. Unfortunately, it didn't help. If something then it only speeded her breathing.

Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if Lyra hadn't started shaking. Her entire body started to shake and this was the moment when Marisa felt completely useless. The rest of it came rather quickly.

Lyra felt no more like herself. Her entire body and mind had betrayed her. She cried, breathed heavily and dangerously quickly and now she started to shake. This all was happening while she was in her mother's embrace that was meant for calming her down. Unfortunately, it had the opposite reactions.

Soon, she fainted. 

Or at least it seemed that way.

At that moment Pantalaimon let go of the Golden Monkey and fell onto the floor as well.

Marisa felt the sudden relief as the pain suddenly went away like it never came. 

Yet at the moment both the child and her daemon started to fall down, Mrs. Coulter and her monkey daemon thought the worst. Marisa immediately caught Lyra's falling body, hugged tightly, basically pressing Lyra into her own body.

Mrs. Coulter sat on the floor and cradled her daughter.

"Lyra?" 

No answer.

"LYRA??" Panic flooded her.

Again, no answer.

"Lyra...no, no, no... open your eyes...please, open your eyes.." tears fell onto the woman's cheeks, she was sobbing uncontrollably. 

The Golden Monkey took Pantalaimon, now a white ermine, and cradled him like a small baby, whimpering while he did so. Completely ignoring the fact minutes ago he got attacked by him.

"Lyra??"

"Lyra, darling…wake up... please wake up…"

Mrs. Coulter looked over to their daemons to make a quick check, just to see Pantalaimon, just to make sure he was there. Seeing her own daemon acting so nicely was rare. However, this situation was different. Instead of ignoring him, as always, she showed regret.

Regret of having abandoned her daughter years ago. Regret of not going after her sooner. Regret of not caring about her in the first place. 

Maybe if she hadn't let her daughter's friend kidnap, this would not happen, nothing of if. But it's too late to start thinking this way.

Looking back at Lyra, she couldn't stop herself from sobbing entirely. Nothing in the moment had the power to make her stop. Stroking her daughter's cheek with care, she whispered:

"I'll do whatever you want... just stay with me...please just wake up…come back to me...return to me sweet one..."

Whatever silent tears she'd been shedding now cracked through her as an ugly sob, a continuous sob, one choking sob after another, each one stealing the air from her lungs. She was desperate so much that she started to reason with her child to wake up.

“You´re my life, Lyra. My home. My entire reason for living…..I´m sorry for everything, I´m sorry for not being there for you, I´m sorry for not listening...but I swear, I will now. I swear. So please wake up, return to me, Lyra...I beg you to come back to me... ”

She began to rock her daughter in her arms and laid so many kisses on her temple, wishing she would wake up.

Will felt nothing more than fear, worry, and anger. Fear for his mother, because she was somewhere she felt scared. Worry because he had to decide what to choose - his beloved mother, whom he has to look after because of her mental illness, or the knife about which Giacomo said the knife can not fall into wrong hands. And anger towards the man for kidnapping his mother and using her towards him. Forcing him to give up the knife he once swore to keep safe.

“So?” , the man got his full attention again.

"Your choice? Mother or the knife? Choose wisely."

"Will? What is this all about? What knife?" That was when Elaine finally saw Will's injured hand. "Oh, my, Will..what happened to you??" She tried to get to her son but the other man held her tight. 

"Mum, it's a long story, don't worry, everything is gonna be fine, okay??"

"Enough of this." Latrom looked towards the other man and their eye-to-eye conversation was clear. 

As the man saw his employer's look towards him, he understood what he meant. Suddenly the woman yelled a little in pain.

"Mum! Let her go!" 

He started to run towards her but Latrom made it clear if Will got closer, the woman would suffer more so Will had no choice but to give up. Lyra was nowhere near him. He has to leave her there with this horrible man. His promise to stick together will break.

"I gave you a choice. I am tired of this... whatever family thing it is. What did you choose? Your mother or the knife? This is your last chance. I won't ask again."  

Will knew the knife can't fall into wrong hands but he had no choice but to give it to the man. His mother's life depended on him and his choice. And seeing her in tears didn't help either.

He sighed as looked back on the knife and then his eyes found Latrom's. 

“Let my mum go! She has nothing to do with this!”

  “You think I'll let her go?” He laughed. “And here I thought you´re smarter than this. No, I have no intentions of letting her go. Not until I have the knife in my hand.”

“I´ll tell you how this goes: You will very slowly crouch down and then pass the knife towards me. When I have the knife in my hands, I will let the woman go. You should know that for any dirty trick of yours she will pay twice the amount. Do you understand?”

“And where do I have the guarantee you'll let her go?!   Will tried and tried to buy time for himself.

Will's mother listened to the whole conversation with fear. She still didn't know why she was brought into this house and when she arrived against her will and saw that man who's been scaring her by visiting and asking about her dead husband and his letters that he wrote to her (which she still have no idea how he knew her husband was writing to her) didn't help her mental health either. 'You?' she managed to say as soon as she laid her eyes on one man who scared her so much.   'Please don't hurt me…'

"I guess you'll have to trust me as I don't see any other options for you."

"So?"

"I need a guarantee that mum won't get hurt.”

Suddenly the woman yelled in pain again.

"Mum!"  

"The knife," Latrom said again. It was very clear that Will was running out of time.

Seeing no other options Will crouched down and took one last took on the knife in his hand. The knife he swore to protect. The knife he has to betray now in order to protect his mother.

"I'm sorry." He muttered under his breath. He apologized to the knife as if it would have been a person. It's only a thing but that didn't bother him. He felt he needed to apologize for betraying it.

And with that, he passed the knife towards the man.

Chapter Text

Marisa had cradled her daughter in her arms the entire time, never letting go. Not even taking her eyes off her child. The thought of letting go and something happening was too much.

"Lyra.."

She sobbed and sobbed like never in her entire life. Her fresh tears fell onto Lyra's face and hair. 

She examined Lyra's face and found out her breaths were the same just as when she watched Lyra sleep back in London. She frowned her eyebrows.

“It looks like she's sleeping,” Marisa silently questioned herself.

The next few things confirmed her suspicion. Lyra's chest rose and fell, rose and fell, rose and fell. Her daughter slept.

The next thought appeared in her mind, she could take her upstairs and lay her on a bed in her room so she would be comfortable and have the rest she needed. 

The Golden Monkey wasn't against her idea, he was holding Pan in his arms, the only thing that worried him a little was how she would transport Lyra upstairs by herself, after all, Lyra was now 12, nearly 13. She wasn't a child anymore, but not for Marisa, for her she was still her baby.

But he knew more than better to not ask or have any remarks on her plans.

Mrs. Coulter knew it would be a challenge to carry a twelve-year-old, but that didn't bother her. She'd rather do it by herself than have Boreal carry Lyra upstairs. Still have no idea where or what he exactly told her daughter or if he even touched her.

Latrom stared at him all the time, keeping his eyes on him. As soon as he saw the boy crouching down he knew he partly won because he finally made the boy give him the knife he desired so much.

Still, he stared at him for any sudden moves, although he made it clear if he does something, then his mother will pay.

Then Latrom felt something touch his feet.

“Lyra, can you hear me? Come on dear, let's get you in bed where you can rest. Come on, I´m going to need your help dear.”

Marisa took one last look at her daughter, who somehow fell asleep after their arguments and their daemon's fight, in her lap before kissing her head and slowly, yet with caution, standing up. She held Lyra the entire time, never letting go.

Marisa took Lyra's lifeless hands and placed them around her neck so they would help her with her moving. After she did so, she felt the girl’s hands suddenly coming back to life somehow, judging by the way they gained some strength and held themselves around Marisa, while the girl's head rested on Marisa's chest, this time as if the girl did it because she simply wanted to and not because Marisa placed her head there by herself. She gasped a little at the sudden move of Lyra's, smiling, but then came back to her senses and continued with her task.

She placed one of her hands under Lyra's knee and the other one was under her back, supporting her. 

With Lyra sitting on her lap it wasn't as hard as she thought it would be to get up and hold Lyra in her arms. Despite the child's weight, she managed to stand up with her.

“Right, let's go upstairs.”

With his eyes on the boy, Sir Charles slowly crouched down to finally lay his hands on the knife.

Just when he was about to touch it, suddenly the woman got free from the hands of her captor, causing him to yell in pain. Will took his mother's action as a sign and tried once more to run and get the knife.

Elaine Parry just stood there the entire time, watching her son arguing with the man that haunted her because of the letters from her dead husband. She started to realize what was going on there. This man somehow made her son bring him some random knife, but why? Surely he is powerful enough to get what he wants, so why couldn't he just get one knife by himself? And why does her son's hand bleed and miss 2 fingers?

She wishes she could do something to help her son, but she can't. She's been captured by 2 men who transported her into this house just a few hours earlier. They tracked her down somehow, saying they had her son and that she had to go with them without making a fuss, otherwise her son would pay. And because she didn't want to lose the last member of her family, she obeyed. Of course, she knew nothing, just what they had told her about her son being harmed if she would make a fuss or didn't want to go with them. Not a word about 'forcing Will to bring him some random knife' or 'making her a prisoner just to make sure her son will bring the knife'. She guessed that her son had lost his fingers when he went to acquire it or before or after getting the knife. But how did he lose them? She wasn't even with him to protect him from losing them. Such a terrible mother she is, Elaine thinks about herself. As if it wasn't enough that her son has to take care of her as well as himself and their house and everything else, because of her mental illness and fear.

"Will run!"

She waited till Sir Charles crouched down before using all her powers to get from the other man's strong grip. And she succeeded. Her move was far too quick for the man to even recognize what was happening. Elaine quickly stepped on his foot with all her strength, causing the man to yell in pain and let go of the woman's arm, freeing the woman.

Will crouched down for the knife and ran as fast as he could away from this house with his mother.

“Mum, quick!”

They thought they were fast enough. 

They weren't.

"Get her!" 

Latrom's words were enough for the other man to do what his boss ordered him to do. He wanted to stay on his good side since he paid well. He saw how angry the man was for the woman breaking free and the boy getting his hands on the knife once again.

The man quickly recovered from the unexpected move and ran after her once again. 

Just when they were about to finally get away from the mansion, the police officer caught the woman again, drew his pistol, and put it to the woman's head, causing panic to take over her again, stopping all her moves in an instant. 

“Don't you even dare to run away with the knife, Will. Or your mother will die.”

Will, who ran in front of his mother wished so desperately he could use a knife to open a window and get both of them somewhere safe, even back to Cittàgazze. But he knew he couldn't, for they might have not been fast enough before the police officer or Sir Charles would get them and he feared for their lives, but for his mother's life more than his own. He knew this would be a risk, and he didn't want to put his mother in a bigger danger than she's ended up already, because of him, he repeated himself.

They were just a few inches from the main doors before he heard that policeman get a hold of his mother again. When he turned towards them, he saw his mother had a pistol dangerously near her head.

“Mum!” His eyes widened with fear. He stopped immediately, his whole body froze.

“It's okay, Will, run!” The poor woman yelled.

“No! I'm not going to leave you here!” He argued back. He could never leave her there alone. Not with them. When he was leaving with his teacher, he knew she was going to be just fine, that she would be safe there, with no one looking there for her. Of how he was wrong. It took Latrom some time, but eventually, he did find Elaine Parry through his people.

“I warned you, more than once William!” Now, full of control again, Sir Charles walked calmly towards them all.

“Take her back to the room, before you´ll arrest her, would you please?” He looked into the policeman's eyes coldly, not leaving him any other choices. He has been very clear, and the bargain did not go the way it was supposed to go.

“What?!” Suddenly Will's voice appeared in the corridor once more.

“You heard. I wanted the knife and you were to acquire it and bring it here. You ruined my house, broke many porcelains which were much more expensive than your little house, and with the fact you tried to run away, yet once again from the mess you left behind, by the way, I'm taking it as you still refuse to give the knife to me. So as I told you earlier, your mother will pay for your actions, starting with repaying everything you broke. She will then be in social care and you will be sent to the child's and adolescent's home, if not a diagnostic institute..”

“No!” 

Will, scared for his mother being alone somewhere she didn't know, made an important decision. He had to give up the knife for his mother, this time for real.

“After everything she has done for you… This is how you pay her back…” He enjoyed saying these words. He could see the anger and fear in the boy, which he wanted.

“Make sure she will be quiet, I have quests here.” Latrom turned his head just in time as the man who was dragging the poor woman was out of their sign.

“Don't. Please! Take the knife, just let her go.” He couldn't believe what he just said, but he knew it was for the safety of his mother. He had to do it. This was the only way to keep her safe. He failed everyone around him, starting with Giacomo, who ordered him to keep the knife safe, if it's in the wrong hands, it can cause disasters. And now he's failing his mother.

“Here, look! Just let my mom go. She has nothing to do with this!” Will pointed to the knife in his hands. He walked to the nearest table which still stayed in one piece and placed it there before going a step back.

Latrom stared at him, almost thinking about what he should do. However, this didn't last long because he wanted the knife with all his might. Since he learned about it, nothing caught his eyes and mind like this thing. One would say, it's just a knife for God's sake, but this knife is not just any knife. It's an extraordinary knife, the only one. And he had to achieve it, by any means necessary.

“Come here!” He yelled, loud enough to make the policeman go back to the corridor. This time, however, he came alone. Just when he took her back to the room she previously was in, he seated her on one of the chairs. Just after he did so, he heard Sir Charles shout. 

After being in danger of death, fear engulfed her and she obeyed, doing everything she was told otherwise something would happen to her son. The expression on her face told everything. But what Elaine did not know was that Sir Charles still needed her son alive. Both of them were unaware of one fact - if Sir Charles Latrom gets his hands on the knife, he can cut/slice apart everything that comes his way, yes, but there is one thing he won't be able to do.

“It may not be necessary after all. The treatment for the woman. It depends on the boy's choice.” Daring to glare at him, Sir Charles smirked.

“Please here you have the knife, let mum go!”

“Bring Elaine back.”

Marisa could hear a lot while she carried Lyra upstairs. She heard the boy's shouts and the woman's cries. She knew who the voice belonged to. 

Carlo had told her about the boy's mother. He told her that she has no husband anymore. He told her that she thinks he is dead, that he left for exploration in the far North and died somewhere there, leaving her alone with their child, a boy named Will, years ago. But he also told her that he believes this man is alive, only in another world and under another name. But the woman, Elaine Parry, doesn't know it.

When she found out her husband was dead, she fell ill. Her mind started to play with her cruelly. She became paranoid. Elaine feared everything. She even stopped working, not that she could work at first, of course. She had to take care of her son. She couldn't go to work, they were alone. Her husband’s parents cut her off, they still believed the fact their son had died because of her… But when he was old enough to start going to daycare before starting school, her illness suddenly got worse. Will, although, had a nice childhood overall, sensed something was off being normal, that something was not okay. His mother tried to hide it at first, and she hid it well for a long time, but when Will suggested they could go for a walk as it was a sunny day back then, suddenly Elaine couldn't hide it anymore. Her mind was showing her all kinds of danger, mainly some men chasing them both because of her dead husband's letters. And since that moment Will cared about his mother more than she cared for him, in a way. Because of all of this, he became a skillful one when it came to problems at home. 

But Marisa paid a little attention. Not that she cared about the woman or the boy. For her, she wasn't important. She wasn't so keen on Carlo's plan for the woman to be his assurance just in case the boy would try something but Boreal assured her this would have had Lyra to stay if everything before would not be enough. So she finally agreed to his plan. 

She planned to get Lyra by any means necessary and make sure she never left again. At least not without her.

But as it was said, she paid a little attention. Her main concentration was on the girl lying in her arms. The only thing that worried her was that Lyra would hear every scream and shout and wake up. Marisa had to act fast as she felt her daughter slightly moving in her arms. 

Soon she arrived upstairs, somehow opened the door leading to the room Carlo had offered her to stay in, and carefully went inside. She went straight to one side of the big bed while her Golden Monkey daemon was a little quicker than her and put Pantalaimon on one of the pillows before he undid the covers so Marisa could lay her daughter down on the bed.

Marisa quickly turned around and went to close the doors and lock them before going back to Lyra's side. She stared at her daughter for a second before going to the closet to retrieve Lyra's pajamas, one of the few Boreal had purchased earlier, knowing Lyra was going to be given to Marisa while he was to receive the knife.

The Golden Monkey was sent away from the younger daemon to make a guard. At first, he was very reluctant, but one look from his human and he knew better than everyone to not obey, again. If he didn't go (because he wanted to go of his own will, from Marisa's perspective), she would have hurt him for sure. So he gave her a pitiful look before moving to the door to listen, knowing he was rejected yet once again.

´Why do I have to be away from Pantalaimon while you can be by her side?´ He asked, knowing what it would mean to him. Danger. Hurting. Either the woman's nails digging into his neck or kicking so hard that he sometimes wondered if he died or survived.

Marisa didn't even bother to turn to him and continued her task, finding pajamas for Lyra. She simply ignored him, per usual.

´Marisa? How could you?!´

´Someone has to watch for any unwanted visitors. Stop whimpering and guard. Be of some use for once.´ She finally answered as she went back to her task finding Lyra some pajamas. She searched for some suitable and comfortable pajamas for Lyra, just like the ones she had in their world purchased for her daughter.

By those “unwanted visitors,” she means the boy “Will” and Boreal. Boreal mainly because he is a man after all, with wicked thoughts, and simply because he would want to throw himself between her and Lyra. And that boy would take Lyra away from her. That's simply something she won't allow. Not after searching so long for her daughter, reaching so high and far… Even leaving the Magisterium. Who could have believed that? The most powerful woman in the world, now that it is obvious there isn't just one, and yet leaving it all behind for one girl, who does not want to be around her, fearing her and hating her.

Marisa knows what Carlo is up to. It's not that hard to guess, since he is a man in the first place. Every man she had met in her entire life wanted only one thing, to possess her. To have her. To own her body. And Carlo was never an exception. If it weren't for her being already married to one of his “friends” Eddie, she knew very well he would end up proposing marriage to her, no doubt about that. He already was jealous of Lord Asriel, one of her lovers. In truth, Carlo still doesn't know what Marisa could see in this man. His attempts to get her attention never really impressed her. In truth, she found herself once or twice thinking about all of his attempts to get women’s attention years ago. Marisa found it quite funny, really.

All his efforts to impress her. Even now because of Lyra. All clothes he had brought, thinking, or rather knowing once he had the precious knife in his hands, Lyra would be given to Marisa. And clothes were not the only thing he had purchased for the girl. ´For the brat´, as he still thinks. How can a woman of her status want her bastard child back? Even after everything the child had put her through? That awful scandal and then the trial. He thought of her better. And the fact when she first took her into her precious apartment, the girl willingly ran away from her. And the second time was when she was at the Station. She ran away from her just minutes after Marisa literally saved her life - saved her from being cut from her daemon, forever she had arrived just in time to stop the procedure. The girl fled two times from her, obviously meaning she does not want to be around her, so why Marisa just can't understand that? Why Marisa just can't see that this girl is so ungrateful for everything she has done for her, starting with taking her to her home? 

As she turned back to Lyra, she couldn't help but look at her with a sad look in her eyes, thinking about the horror she had to go through once she urged Pantalaimon to attack her daemon. When she saw her whole body shaking along with her terrified breathing…It was more than clear that Lyra did not want to be like her mother, she said it quite clearly. ´I´m nothing, like you.´

Marisa sighed deeply. Lyra may not want to believe it, but she is like her more than she would ever know and more than she would ever accept. She might have inherited a physical strength from Asriel, but her verbal ability to create a satisfying answer to everything, even if she would have to lie, which she was quite the master in doing so, has been inherited from her mother. She too did the same things as Lyra, when she was younger.´The escape artist ´. As Carlo said back in their world. How she wanted just to slap his face, to let her daemon on that awful snake daemon of his when he said it. How lucky he was then, she thought. But one thing she did not catch at that moment was that he started asking her about her daughter because he knew where she was, having had the opportunity to see her, unlike her. 

She guessed she should have been grateful to him, because of him she now had Lyra back. But she wasn't. Not in the slightest. 

When she came to Lyra's side again, she carefully sat beside her daughter and stared at her for a few moments. She couldn't fully describe the feelings she felt. The “feelings” as a whole were still unknown to her. But what she knew for certain was that she would never let Lyra out of her sight again. She's not going anywhere without her. She will not fail again.

But as she was about to undress Lyra from the awful clothes she arrived in, and change her into light purple pajamas she took from the closet, which was now full of her and Lyra's new clothes, Lyra started to stir. 

It took only a few seconds for the police officer to return with the woman. At first, he was confused by the sudden change in Sir Latrom's words after specifically ordering him with his wishes. But he obeyed and brought the woman back. In the back of his mind, he started to realize that maybe this was too much for both the woman and even him. And maybe he's slowly becoming someone else's pet, doing exactly what he says.

Elaine, full of fear of the men doing something to her son, obeyed without any struggle. She didn't know she would see her son there, and she saw her son's bleeding hand without two fingers which she found by accident. He told her everything would be okay and that she has to stay at her son's teacher's house for some time. It was already nearly a whole month since she last saw Will. But back then, he had all ten fingers and a non-bleeding hand.

What exactly happened to him?

"Mrs. Parry, your son, made a wise decision. But there's one more thing that concerns me and I'll need your son for that. I believe your husband wrote you letters when he was on the expedition if I'm correct. You see, I'd like to see them." 

He spoke so calmly. He was so certain John Parry had written to his family for months before he got lost. His parents and Will's grandparents told him that by themselves, without any pressure. They still hold their displeasure towards his wife. They never loved her or approved of her because of their son in the first place. They would have preferred him to have married Carla then. She certainly was a better option. They would burst it over her whenever they could.

“I don't know what you're talking about…Letters? Why would he write letters after leaving his wife and child?” Mrs. Parry tried to play dumb, Of course, she knew about the letters, she gave them to her son Will, and told him it has to stay a secret. That there are people who want them.

“I thought you would rather want to cooperate, to protect your son, Will. You and I both know they do exist. The only thing that concerns me is their whereabouts. But what I am sure of is that William here knows where to find them. And if you, Mrs. Parry, do not want to help me find them, I will have to ask your son William.” Carlo spoke with a certain frustration, as even in her state, the woman was unwilling to do what he asked her to do. So he turned away from her, as he was done with what he wanted to say to her, and the next part of his speech belonged to her son, Will. “ I believe you do not want your mother to end up in a diagnostic institute and yourself in prison for young delinquents for destroying my house and breaking everything, so I highly suggest you go now and bring those letters to me as soon as possible. You see, I would like to help you in finding him, I do have numerous questions for him about his discoveries to travel between worlds and his doing over the years in those other worlds…And I believe you want to see him again and alive, don’t you? Don’t you want to meet your father and finally be a complete family? And for your mother, this could help her improve her mental health, trust me. I saw people “coming back to normal” and even experienced it myself. I lost someone and went to this horrible state, but then the person was found and my life changed. Don’t you want the same for your family?” Carlo added something which he knew would attract people. This was a lie, he never experienced something like that, but who knows it? No one, which is perfect for his plan.

Will was speechless. He did not know what to do or say. All he ever wanted was for his mother “healthy” and “happy”, but since he could remember, his mother seemed enchanted. Or under some kind of drug. Her actions, strange behavior…all his life he was ashamed of her. She acted like a freak. And when she came to his school, which was quite often, he couldn't have felt less awful because of her. She would always come, somehow find him in the entire school and make a scene where someone watches her, literally freaking out, not caring that it might be awkward for her son at those moments. And Will, trying his best to stay calm and not end up crying, told her no one watched her and that they would go home. His classmates would laugh at him, make fun of him, and say that his mother is a freak and that his mother ran away from a madhouse.

Since he was little, he dreamed of a family. A mother that would take care of him and love him, and not the other way around as it is now. And father, someone to look up to, and wanting to become like him.

But then his mother told him his father died in an expedition somewhere in the North and everything started to crumble. Of course, he knows and feels that his mother loves him, as every mother would love her child. But it doesn't feel quite real. He is unable to explain it, all he knows is that it does feel quite off as if something was missing.

“So? How did you decide, William? In exchange for those letters, I will help your mother with her financial problems and make sure you don't have those problems anymore. I heard about your financial situation, and I would like to help you.”

Latrom grew more and more impatient each moment.

“Financial problems? Mom, what is he talking about?”

Hearing that man talking about his family having these problems made Will shocked. He knew that he and his mother weren't the richest in London, but even in the darkest time, he would never imagine them being in such financial problems.

“Nothing Will run! Save yourself! I'll be fine, I promise.” The poor woman wanted all but for her son to know about their problems. It is her problem, she is the grown-up, and Will is only a child. A child that wasn't allowed to be one. Since being old enough to take care of the other person, he started to care for his mother. She became mentally unstable after her husband's disappearance years ago. And every single year after that moment, her mental health became worse and worse.

“You´re soon to be without a home, homeless, sent elsewhere to be raised by strangers. I can help you with that. The only thing I want as a return favor is for you to bring me these letters. I believe your father is alive and can be found, but the key to finding him is the letters. Bring them here and I will try to help you bring him back, you could have both parents. Don't you want that?"

Trying to persuade him to finally give up and bring the letters… “And as proof, I will give you a check for one-third of the needed money now, you can pay off part of the debts if you want. And when you give me the letters, I give you the rest of the needed money.”

"Will, don't!" His mother yelled.

"Not to mention, what you have done here, in my house. You broke my rare exhibits, a 150-year-old vase, and several of my favorite things. But this I am able to forget. Just bring me these letters."

His mind was telling him to not trust him. Every fiber of his being urged him to flee, to run away as far as possible, get real help, and save his mother because evidently, the police of London were under this man's control. But hearing the man talking about it made him feel nauseous and the urge to vomit.

He always felt pity towards the ones who felt sorry for him. Few people felt sorry for him because he hadn't had a father. And the rest of the very few people felt sorry for his mother. How she never really helped him or has been there for him in the first place when he needed someone.

His mind told him to not trust the man and run away, but his conscience was unsure of what to do. If he is telling the truth, then it is just a question of time before someone will come to tell them to move out of their house. 

Well, he would eventually end up in a foster home. He would have a roof over his head, at least for some time. But his mother would end up on the streets or in some institution for mentally ill people. He can't tell what would be a better option for her, as she's afraid practically of everyone and everything possible.

"Mum, why haven't you said something?" 

"You know Will, that is not something one would talk about, especially with children." Latrom had to enjoy this little moment. The tone he used practically screamed, „Hey boy, you really don't have a brain, do you?“

"I'm sorry, I haven't wanted to let you down. It was my problem, and only mine. Not yours. You have already done things you never had to." Elaine's much-kept secret went out. She couldn't tell before whom she feels more ashamed. If it's her son or the man that told him this secret.

"You see Will, I do adore your mother. Even after everything, she still has the will to do it all alone, without anyone's help. But not everything always goes the way we want, right?" Charles said. It is true, he adores his mother, but only in this way, how she wants these secrets only for herself.

“Will we help each other then?”

The boy studied his face for a moment. He didn't want to give his father's letters to anyone, as they are the only thing he and his mother have left. Much more to this man, who has his hands in kidnapping and hurting his mother.

But then he remembered the fact that they both would be in trouble. He knows pretty well what kind of trouble. Years of being “the only one” responsible for everything, as his mother fell mentally ill.

Is it a selfish thing, that he wants for his mother and him to be safe? 

He is a good person for sure. But will he be a “good person”, if he considers the man's offer? Is it a good thing to do, giving the only thing you have left after somebody dear to you? He is not sure.

“I'm sorry mum. I have to do this….” Looking at the woman with sad eyes, as if he needed to apologize. As he felt as a failure. He was betraying his own kind. “I'll do it. It's the only way to help us. I'll bring them.” Voice as steady as he could find inside. And with that it was chosen. The choice was made.

"Good. Wise choice, William." Finally hearing something he wanted to. This little "family talk" slowly started to be enough for him. But he carried on, and it surprised him more than he would admit it.

Boreal took his cheque - book and immediately wrote down the needed information, such as his name, the amount of the money, for whom it was determined and as a cherry on the cake was the "for the willingness to help at any time" phrase and the "Please, pay out immediately" phrase. And of course his sign.

When he was done, he looked back at the boy and tore out the cheque from its book and before Will could fully register what just happened, the man took a few steps at the end of the room they were currently in and placed the small paper on the table and went back to his spot.

"As I said, there lies one-third of the needed money. You can do whatever you please with them. And when you bring the letters, I will give you the rest."

It wasn't a lie. As much as it would be that easy, it was the truth. Couldn't be said whom it surprised more, if the boy or the man himself.

"And with that I would ask you to leave. Not only because it's already late. You don't have to worry about your mother, she's in good care, for now. Or about the girl because she's finally been reunited with her mother and she will take care of her from now on."