Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Are you sure about this Dokja-ssi?”

“Of course Heewon-ssi, I’ve thought this out.”

Yoo Joonghyuk looked up from where he was polishing his sword when he heard the voices. The master and his sword were speaking quietly to each other in the hallway. Heewon had a frown on her face, looking at Dokja.

Joonghyuk knew they were going over the next scenario. 

Or rather what Kim Dokja had planned for it.

“You sure you’re not planning anything?” The woman threatened with a hand on her sword.

Kim Dokja chuckled, his hands coming up to wave themselves in defeat. “I promise I’m not. I just have to make sure the plans for the scenario are set.”

The protagonist's frown deepened at this. The rat had lied too many times for them to trust his words at face value. As expected, Heewon’s eyes pinched together and she gripped her sword even tighter than before. She was interrupted as she was about to take another step towards the man.

“Yah, Kim Dokja. You really wanna get tied up again don’t you?” Han Sooyoung grinned at the constellation who looked even more nervous than before. 

“Sooyoung-noona! Hyung wouldn’t do that again, right hyung?”

“Of course not! Ahjussi already promised Gilyoung-ah!”

Joonghyuk looked towards the kids who had just walked down the stairs. Lee Hyunsung appeared with a sheepish grin behind a grinning Jihye. Suddenly, the entire company had gathered around in the narrow hallway. He could even see Yoo Sangah peeking through.

“Ah you guys…” Kim Dokja looked overwhelmed with the sudden pressure coming from all sides. 

“I-It would be really sad if you left us again, Dokja-ssi,” Hyunsung popped into the conversation with puppy eyes.

All the company members were suddenly looking at their star, their one constellation. 

Dokja looked at all the members with trembling eyes. They all knew that their words would never be enough to make the star stay. They had tried too many times before to hold hope on that. Everytime, he broke his promise only to return with an infuriating smile and a half baked excuse.

The rat never seemed to realize that the salvation they desperately needed was not their life at his cost, but his happiness with them.

“I-”

Yoo Joonghyuk stood up next to the constellation blocking him in further. The two companions locked eyes, one filled with desperation the other with determination.

Finally, Dokja broke their eye contact, letting his gaze rake across the room. The man smiled, a crooked, unfortunate thing, yet the entire room felt relieved seeing it.

“I’ll try my best.”

It wasn’t a promise, but they didn’t need one. Promises had been broken too many times in this apocalyptic world for the party to trust them. So this declaration, the small reassurance was enough to relieve them for the time.

As the party members returned to their previous activities, the kids bickering with one another and the adults talking about one thing or another, Yoo Joonghyuk and Han Sooyong locked eyes. Simultaneously, they looked at their leader.

Kim Dokja was conversing quietly with Hyunsung, a small smile still on his face.

The two locked eyes again, not trusting a word out of the rat’s mouth. We need to keep an eye on him, they wordlessly agreed. 

Quietly, the night passed by and the next scenario began once more.

They had been walking to their area of the next scenario when the company had been attacked. The attackers consisted of mainly fellow incarnations sprinkled with a few constellations. 

(“What did you do to this one squid-ahjussi?” “Ah, Jihye-ah, why do you always think it’s my fault...” “It usually is Dokja-ssi.” “Not you too, Heewon-ssi.”)

Kim Dokja was at the front of the group. Yoo Joonghyuk snuck a quick glance at him. He was flying around the enemy, dark wings creating small dust clouds around him. He had his usual smirk on, star-lit eyes shining even from afar. Joonghyuk could imagine the taunts that were sprouting from his smirking lips, even if he couldn’t hear them.

‘ That guy ...’ Joonghyuk thinks to himself, stuck between being annoyed or amused. 

Lee Gilyoung, Shin Yoosung and Lee Hyunsung had stayed back at the factory. 

(“The kids seem a bit tired, Dokja-ssi. I’ll stay behind to take care of them.” “I need to go with Hyung to protect him!” “Ahjussi can take care of himself, Gilyoung! ...Right ahjussi?”)  

So it was just the rest of the company against the enemies. But no one was overly concerned. They were strong and they had the Conquering King and the Demon King of Salvation on their side. This amount of enemies was a breeze.

Or at least.

That’s how it should have been.

Yoo Joonghyuk sliced off the arm of the incarnation in front of him with his sword. ‘Amateurs , ’ His eyes narrowed as he ducked under the panicked swing of another incarnation. ‘They can’t even hold a sword the correct way, yet they are challenging us.’

It was true. The incarnations were surprisingly dull. They had no remarkable skill to boast about and even their supporting constellations were rather forgettable.

“I-I’m going to k-kill you Supreme King!”

“Y-You won’t live another d-day!”

‘Why , ’ Joonghyuk slashed at a man’s unprotected throat while ducking under yet another strike. ‘Why attack with such a weak party who would do little to no damage? It would make no sense unless it was to-’

A beat passed.

Then another.

Joonghyuk’s thought process skit to a halt while he absentmindedly beheaded another incarnation. Then his brain rapidly connected the dots, causing his face to slightly pale. ‘A surprise attack while three key members of the company were away. Weak incarnations who were obviously too afraid to attack. Yet, their eyes shone with determination. Yes, this is-‘

“-A DECOY!”

Han Sooyoung’s thoughts aligned with his. Eyes shaking faintly, Yoo Joonghyuk whirled around to face the back of the group. ‘There!’

There, in the back hidden by some shrubs was a narrative grade constellation. Not the highest, but definitely enough to pose a danger. His hands were pressed together as a bright light flashed out of them. The constellation’s eyes were curled up and his lips were smirking sadistically. Joonghyuk’s mind flashed with the fading memories of his time as a gamer. As the light began to leave the star’s hands, the sunfish’s brain rapidly calculated trajectory, gravitational influence and speed. 

His face whirled around to face the location where the attack would hit. There, standing with his back towards the danger, ebony wings fluttering slightly was-

“KIM DOKJA!!”

The panicked cries of the party members were unheard by Yoo Joonghyuk who had already activated the Red Phoenix Shunpo. He cared little of Kim Dokja’s uncanny ability to revive from the dead. Little of how he should be able to use Way of the Wind to move out of the attack radius which wasn’t very big. 

All that was going through the protagonist’s mind was repeats of, ‘No, Kim Dokja will not die. He mustn't die. Kim Dokja-’

His black coat flapped in the high wind generated from the attack. From the corner of his eye, he could see Dokja spinning around with a startled look. The attack closed in.

“Wha-”

White exploded over Yoo Joonghyuk’s being. A drumming sound echoed in his ears, sounds mixing and smashing into each other. It was over quickly. Soon, his body felt like that of a rock. Heavy and unable to do anything against the opposing factors. Joonghyuk's knees buckled down as his back hit something hard and warm. 

“Huh, wha- Yoo- YOO JOONGHYUK!!”

“JOONGHYUNK-SSI”

“M-MASTER!”

“YOU DAMN SUNFISH, WHAT DID YOU-”

Slowly the sounds returned to him. Yet, the louds yells of his companions only worsened his out of body experience. The pings from the avalanche of constellation’s messages didn’t help. Joonghyuk could feel his mind separating from his body. Already, he was struggling to open and close his eyelids. It was then he knew that he was done for.

“-ON’T CLOSE…HYUK...YOO JOONG-”

As he hears this, Yoo Joonghyuk thinks to himself. ‘Ah, so this is how my third regression turn ends.’ He opens his eyes in time to catch the now slightly familiar message from his sponsor.

[The sponsor of incarnation ‘Yoo Joonghyuk’ is looking at his incarnation.]

Joonghyuk’s now blurry eyes faintly meet those of Kim Dokja.

“-AY! STAY AWAKE YOO-”

‘That guy...is he crying?’ 

[The stigma ‘Regression Lv. 3 has been activated.]

‘In the next turn, I will make him my companion sooner.’

It was to this thought that Yoo Joonghyuk ended his ‘3rd’ regression turn.

[You have regressed.]

Yoo Joonghyuk opens his eyes to a window with a torn up poster from an outdated boy band. The familiar purple marker stained its edges. Looking around confirmed his thoughts. The same old lady knitting a rather ugly sweater in the far left. The little boy practicing for exams with his headphones on. A woman texting someone with a frown on her face.

‘The 4th regression turn…’

His gaze turns towards the door of the compartment where he now knew his companion to be.

‘I will deal with this first and then go meet him. There is no need to drop him into the dragon this time, but perhaps for the rewards…?’

Planning out his meeting with Kim Dokja, Joonghyuk spaces out amongst the screams of the passengers and the dokkaebi’s introduction.

‘Ah yes, that guy will not remember the last turn,’ Yoo Joonghyuk reminds himself. Yet, it doesn’t matter in the long turn. Kim Dokja is smart enough to handle it. ‘This time, I can help him plan since I also have more knowledge. I shouldn’t go off on my own too much either.’

[...life too generous? You were born and paid no price for breathing, eating…]

Joonghyuk’s eyes knitted together. ‘This time, we can make better plans together.’ His eyes darkened. ‘I won’t let him be a self-sacrificing rat.’

[...rather than explain it a hundred times…]

‘As long as we are together, we will be able to get through it,’ His ebony eyes drifted to the dokkaebi who was getting to the end of his long-winded speech. ‘Perhaps it is this turn where I will be able to see the end of the world as a human.’

After all this was Kim Dokja. The man who became the heir to the underworld. Who staged revolutions, defeated outer gods, became a king of a kingless world. Whose name brought prideful constellations to their knees. A rat who had an ill-fitting smile and a tendency to jump towards death with a smile and a middle finger. 

The star of their rat-tag company.

The one they would burn the heavens for, yet the one who suffered the most amongst them. Kim Dokja was their salvation, yet also their biggest nightmare.

Yoo Joonghyuk snapped out of his spiraling thoughts just as the dokkaebi uttered his final instructions.

[Then good luck everyone. Please show me an interesting story.]

All hell broke loose.

The clang of his sword’s metal was loud against the pin-drop silence of the compartment. Organs, gore and blood were spewed across the floors and walls of the enclosed space. A horrifying image yet one Joonghyuk was used to all the same.

His eyes caught the torwind of indirect messages from the panicking constellations. Despite himself, his lips curved up in a smirk.

[Several constellations are shocked by your power!]

[Several constellations are complaining about probability constraints!]

[The constellations of ‘Absolute Good’ are frowning at your evil doings.]

[Several constellations have begun to show hostility towards you!]

[A great majority of constellations are in awe of your power!]

[Constellation ‘Nail-Eating Rat’ is staring intently at your nails.]

‘Watch all you want,’ Joonghyuk thought to himself. His glowing eyes glaring up into the distance. ‘Soon, we will bring you down from your thrones.’

(He didn’t remember when his internal monologuing had switched his thoughts from I to we. )

[H-How..? You just started, you s-shouldn’t be-]

The startled murmurings of the dokkaebi drew Yoo Joonghyuk’s attention. He sheathed his word and glared up at the horned figure.

[A-Ah dear constellations, it seems we have a very talented individual with us today! Then let’s start the spon...huh?]

Joonghyuk already knew what the dokkaebi would find.

[You already have a sponsor?? D-Dear constellations I have no idea what-]

Glaring even more intensely at the figure, the protagonist spun around while announcing his intent. “I’m leaving.”

[Huh? W-Wait, you-]

He ignored the squeaks coming from the once feared dokkaebi. To him, they were just like whines from a child who had his favorite toy stolen. A child who would soon move onto the next piece of entertainment available. Never caring for the destruction he left behind. Pathetic.

Yoo Joonghyuk’s hand met with the chill metal door of the compartment. A small sign saying [3708] was plastered at the top. Due to the blood, he couldn’t see what was going on there, but he knew what to expect. He had finished his part faster this time so they should still be there.

‘I am coming for you, Kim Dokja.’

The door swung open.

Chapter Text

Lee Hyunsung had always been a soldier. During his military service, that aspect of his life had helped him ease into the new environment rather easily. Training came easily to him, like it was the remains of a forgotten life.

m̵̰̫̅̈ɒ̷̟͓̚̚γ̶͇̞̍͝d̴̻̟͌̚ɘ̴̮̞̇́ ̵̛͈͎̉i̷̢͎͛̂Ɉ̵̛̩̮̍ ̷̘̝͗̆w̸̢̡̅͛ɒ̵̬̱́͊ƨ̴̘̔̒ͅ

Even before he got into his professional role that required him to protect others, Hyunsung had always felt a primal instinct to do so. In fact, one of the man’s earliest memories had also involved this.

Hyunsung and his family had been over at his grandparent’s house for Christmas. The house was packed with people of all ages, his cousins, aunts, uncles and even many family friends. Hyunsung was only 7 years old then and was playing with his even younger cousins when it happened. 

“Hyeri-ah, be careful with those glasses.” 

He heard his aunt’s gentle voice scold his younger cousin who was playing with two cups on the table. The young girl smiled at her mother, her middle tooth missing. “It ok, mama. Sungsung-oppa with me.”

Little Hyunsung puffed up at his beloved cousin’s words. “Y-Yes, Auntie. You can leave Hyeri with me. I-I’ll take care of her.” 

Hyeri’s mother smiled, her cheeks giving way to small dimples as she nodded at the kids before patting their heads and leaving to join the other adults in the kitchen. Hyunsung puffed with pride that his aunt trusted him with his cousin. ‘ I’ll protect her with all I have.’

“Sungsung-oppa!! Help me play!”

Hyunsung jolted out of thoughts at Hyeri’s words. He smiled at her before grimacing at the glass cups still in her hands. “Maybe we should play with something else.”

Hyeri pouted before eventually relenting. She set the cups on the tall table next to them and sat on the ground, Hyunsung joining her. They ended up playing with dolls for a while, acting out different majestic stories. 

At one point, Hyeri started giggling uncontrollably after Beomseok the invisible prince (“PRINCE CHARMING OPPA!”) uh, prince charming fell while trying to defeat the umm (“Evil dragon cat!” “Ah thank you…”) evil dragon cat.

Hyeri’s arms started swinging around as she laughed over the simple action. While he didn’t  find the scene funny, the little girl’s laughter was contagious and soon the young boy found himself giggling as well. He looked up with tears of laughter in his eyes, only to freeze. 

The giggling girl’s arm caught on the glasses still sitting on the table. Hyunsung watched in horror as the cups descended down. 

‘They’re made of glass. If they hit Hyeri…!’

When asked by others later, Hyunsung wouldn’t be able to properly say what had happened then. He suddenly found himself lunging at his cousin, holding her down in a warm embrace.

‘I have to protect my cartridge…!’

“Huh? Hyun- HYUNSUNG-AH!” The adults quickly looked over the loud noise. They saw Hyunsung, kneeling over a dazed Hyeri, glass shards surrounding him and covering his back. A light drizzle of blood dripped in small dots on the floor. 

Hyunsung looked over at his mother’s yell. His blurry eyes met her panicked ones, not really registering why so many of the adults were running over. The next few minutes passed by in a blur until the seven year old was sitting on the couch. His left arm has caught most of the glass and was wrapped up tightly in bandages along with most of his upper back. The wounds themselves weren’t too severe but the huge amount of them made his back ache. 

His aunt sat in front of him along with a sleeping Hyeri who had exhausted herself after the realization of what happened hit her. Hyunsung’s parents were sitting on each side of him, gazing at him softly.

“Hyunsung.” His aunt’s soft voice caught his attention. Her eyes were soft. “Thank you for protecting Hyeri, but please don’t do so at your own expense.” 

Expense…? What does that mean? The young boy’s cheeks flushed softly, not wanting to admit that he didn’t understand what was said.

Sensing this, his dad spoke up. “She means that while it’s good that you want to protect others, don’t get hurt while doing that.”

“But enough of that, my little tiger. I’m so proud of you for helping your cousin. I hope you always protect others when you can.” His mother’s voice drifted over to the young boy.

Hyunsung smiled at everyone, feeling something in his chest relax. ‘A protector…? I can do it.’

That thought, that ideal followed the boy for his entire life. It was the reason the old grannies in his apartment loved him because he always helped them. It was the reason he volunteered at the firestation in high school and his main driving point to signing up for the army beyond the compulsory time.

Protector . He found the role soothing, being able to be in a position where he could protect others. Where he could be useful. 

Then, the apocalypse hit. And it all fell apart.

Hyunsung could only watch as the wretched creature (a dokkaebi maybe?) finished its speech. He only watched as the kid the murderer with silver hair bashed the old grandma’s head on the floor. He watched the people in the cabin descend into madness, attacking each other like ruthless animals.

He watched as his own gaze turned towards a little girl with a red bow in her hair. He watched her eyes tremble when his own caught sight of a long shard of glass. He watched as his hands clenched around the glass that once harmed him and would now harm another. 

He watched her lips open up in a silent scream, eyes threatening to pop out of their sockets. He watched her life dribble out of her stomach, falling in splatches to the ground.

Lee Hyunsung watched it all and didn’t do anything. 

(He did. He murdered her. murderermurderermurderermurderermurderermurderermurderermonstermurderer)

What happened to protecting people? A part of the military man wondered as he sat on the bloody seat with his head in his hands.

I did protect someone, another part of him retorted.

He looked at the grey haired kid murderer, the only other survivor, who was grinning while looking out the window of the train.

I protected myself.

“You’re a monster.” 

Kim Namjoon looked with disinterest at the ajumma shielding her son in front of him. She was glaring at the young boy with viciousness while her son clutched her skirt with fear dancing in her eyes. The grey haired boy could already hear the other parents in the park whispering. 

“Hey, isn’t that boy that kid?”

“Yeah the one who brought a bad omen to his family.”

“Not only that, I heard he also ki-”

“Shh! We shouldn’t talk about kids like that.”

“That’s not a kid, he’s a monster. Can’t you see the blood covering him?”

Namwoon looked down at those words, towards his lightly blood strained knees and hands. He could still feel some blood dripping from his crooked nose. Namwoon’s mind flashed back to what had happened just a few minutes prior. 

The eleven year old boy was a frequent visitor of his town’s local park. It had been a sort of safe haven for him, a place where he could get away from cold glares and burning hands. Well, it was until more people started coming there and the same fearful eyes followed. 

‘Aish, this park was supposed to help me get away from my family, not be met with more copies of them.’

The white haired boy looked out at the children playing on the playground, from behind a tall tree. Namwoon would have joined them too but he could see their parents in the back.

“Hey! Watch out!” Kim Namwoon looked to his left at the words only to have his entire vision covered with a ball. 

The ball hit the boy straight on the face, making him stumble into the tree and fall onto his knees. “Ow!” Namwoon’s hand flew to his nose which had already started bleeding. ‘What the fu-’

“Ah!! I’m so sorry, I didn’t notice anyone was there or I wouldn’t have kicked it in this area. Are you ok??” A boy’s panicked voice, the same that had warmed him earlier, reached Namwoon who glared at him while clutching his nose. Looking down confirmed that his knees, which had hit the ground harshly, had also started bleeding.

Looking back up, Namwoon met the eyes of a young boy, even younger than him, who looked panicked with fidgeting hands, as if he wanted to touch him but didn’t want to overstep boundaries. Seeing that the other boy clearly hadn’t meant to target him, Namwoon sighed, ready to accept the apology. 

“It’s fi-”

“W-Wait… you-” The boy interrupted him, his gaze drifting above Namwoon… at his hair. At his white, very distinct hair. Namwoon’s eyes closed off, his fist clenching as he waited for the familiar words. He guessed it was futile to hope the boy wouldn’t recognize him. They lived in a small town after all and Namwoon was infamous for many… reasons.

“Y-You’re the cursed monster who k-killed the people in the fire.” The unknown boy quivered, taking a step back, then another, his eyes now filled with fear. 

Namwoon glared at the boy, taking a step forward. A mistake.

Seeing him take a step forward, the boy shrieked. “M-Mom! MOM!!”

“Youngjun-ah! What’s wrong?” The boy’s mother, he assumed, came rushing at his screams, holding his face in her hands, looking for any injuries. The now crying boy reached out a trembling arm towards the still Namwoon who hadn’t moved an inch. His eyes were now frosted over, not relieving anything he felt inside. 

The woman looked at where her son was pointing, instantly recognizing the white haired boy. She glared at him, pushing her son behind her back. 

This led him to where he was standing now, surrounded by glaring parents and the annoying kid still silently crying. 

‘Really? Isn’t this a little unfair? I-I didn’t do anything.’

Looking at the still gossiping adults and children, Namwoon decided it would be best to leave now before anyone decided to start scolding him. He set his path through the crowding parents, who parted for him as if afraid his evilness was contagious. 

Shoulders squared, Namwoon looked straight ahead, not letting any of the words he could still hear affect him. He walked ahead until the park disappeared behind him, until the sharp words disappeared into the wind. Until he reached an alley where he could let his silent tears hit the ground with no one to see them.

‘Really, isn’t this too unfair. I didn’t- It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t kill them.’ 

The boy’s silent tears turned into suffocating sobs as he let go of his mental shield. Why him? Why did he have to suffer? Why did his own family look at him with hateful eyes?

‘Grandpa, I miss you.’ 

The young boy continued to sob, his only witness being the ever present sun. 

“You’re a monster.”

Kim Namwoon looked at the muscular ahjussi who said that. The older man was still sitting there on the seat, having not moved an inch in the last minute.

The teen rolled his eyes, “Tell me something new old man.” 

Namwoon sharpened his smirk as his gaze fell on the glass shard still in the man’s hand. He didn’t think the other man even noticed that the shard was pressing up against his scalp. 

“Besides…” he started again. “I’m not the only one who killed someone here.” 

The muscular ahjussi flinched back at Namwoon’s words. His bloodshot eyes snapped up. 

“I-I didn’t k-kill anyone.” 

“Oh? Trying to be a hero are ya? Don’t pretend as if I didn’t see you stab the little girl multiple times! Ha, you didn’t even have the decency to end her poor misery earlier. And at least I aimed for someone who was almost done with their life. I mean imagine how far the girl could have gone? She probably would have survived if you had-”

“NO!!” 

Namwoon’s mouth shut at the shouted words. He shut down the grin that was threatening to surface at the older man’s wild eyes. Finally, he was getting a reaction.

Hyunsung gripped his hair hard enough to tear some strands off. 

“I-I didn’t. No, no no I didn’t. You’re lying, I didn’t I no no, liar liar liar liarnononostopididntliar.”

He didn’t kill anyone. He didn’t. No, he’s in the military, he couldn’t have done it. Yes, square your shoulders Agent Lee Hyunsung. You are a representative of South Korea’s militia. It’s your duty to protect your people…

n̷̨̥͔̜̼̄̾̐̎͝ ̴̦̘̝͐̑͋̕͜͜͝o̸͉̖͚͙͒̿̎̊͘ͅ ̶͔̫̠͓̉̓̀͐̃ͅɈ̶̡̛̲͓̝̫̇̽̇̕ ̷̹̹͔͉͑̌͒̕͝ͅ ̴̧̛̙̗̟̖̇̇͐m̴̙̮̠͖͔̒͛̃̓͝ ̴̡̛͚̙̱̫̐͆̔͌υ̷̠̭̜͎̠̍̓̂͝ ̴̪̳͇̞͋̒̐̔͘͜ɿ̶̘͓͉̩͚̈́͊̈́͐ ̶̡̦̙̺̊̐̄́̃ͅb̶̝̤̠̫͙̑͗̄̇̈́ ̸̛̦̠̰͓̔̅̕ͅɘ̶̛̜̙͍̈͊̽̐͜ͅ ̷̬̟̗̹̬͗̓̓̓̇ɿ̸̱̩̱̩͈͂̇͌͠ ̸̢̧̛̱͔͓̏͌̊̚ ̸̡͕̣̮͇̆̃̃̊̈́Ɉ̷̭̪̞̼̏̈́̈́͐̽͜ ̴̡̦͙̘̞̾̇̽̉̚ʜ̴̡͉͙͖͉́͗̈́̓ ̴̭̙̥̟̜̐̿͋̇͠ɘ̴̙͓͉͇͉̋̇̅͑̕ ̷͈͓̪͇͓̔͛͊̔m̴̛̹̩̹͐̇̏͝ͅͅ  

he broke

Namwoon continued to look at the man with an apathetic gaze. Lee Hyunsung was his name from what the boy recalled, when the man had introduced himself as an army general. Heh. What a protector he turned out to be. 

Suddenly, the door of the cabin behind them burst open. Namwoon whirled around with a strong grip on his knife. His mind raced as it tried to analyze the situation. He had heard screams from the other cabins during the entire scuffle with the demon. So each cabin probably faced a similar or the same scenario as theirs had. So whoever had burst open the door had to be strong to have survived all that.

Kim Namwoon grinned, his blood itching for a fight.

With a catatonic Hyunsung, Namwoon looked at the smoke surrounding the cabin door.

Yoo Joonghyuk looked at the cabin in front of him with shock. He had come earlier than before, he knew. The next scenario shouldn’t have started yet. So then why…

Why wasn’t Kim Dokja here?

In front of him stood a grinning Kim Namwoon with his knife in his hands and a trembling Hyunsung sitting with his head in his hands.

Ignoring the two for now, Joonghyuk looked towards the door leading outside. Just as he thought, the door was still closed, with no signs of anyone having left through it. Feeling his heart start pounding faster, the regressor turned his gaze towards the bodies on the floor.

‘No… No, not him- Kim Dokja-’

Tightening his grip on his sword, Joonghyuk glared at the bodies on the floor, his eyes travelling from one to another with lightning speed. His throat felt parched as he prayed to the gods he no longer believed in, that he wouldn’t see the face he was looking for. 

“Hey, ahjussi! What are you doing?”

The words of his once team member reached his ears but were steadily ignored. Raking his eyes over the floors once more, Joonghyuk confirmed what he had already known. Kim Dokja was not here.

Feeling caught between relieved and fearful, the sunfish looked back up at the only other occupants of the cabin. Lee Hyunsung and Kim Namwoon. Looking around confirmed it once more. There were none of the members of his third regression. No Yoo Sangah, Lee Gilyoung, Han Myungoh, no… Kim Dokja.

This looked like… his first regression. 

Suddenly, Joonghyuk recalled the words that Dokja had told him on the roof before their fight with Nirvana. That time seemed so long ago, but now the memories were trickling back to him. 

“The fact that you can regress at any time means that death is meaningless.”

“If there’s no sense of death then the value of life also disappears.”

“Don’t imagine that you will get better if you throw away this round. Maybe this is the round where you will see the end of the world as a ‘human.’”

That… That was what he had done, wasn’t it. Instead of fighting to live, to cling onto the slightest chance that he would survive, Joonghyuk had taken the easier way out. He had regressed, ready to start over like a sore loser playing video games, instead of trying his best until there was no other chance. And where had that led him?

Alone. Alone with no companions. Alone as he had been two regressions ago. 

But yet, the thought didn’t leave his mind.

Where was Kim Dokja?

Chapter Text

“Kim Dokja, what are you doing?”

Joonghyuk glared at the constellation’s back. The two of them were standing on a roof in the Industrial Complex. 

“Oh Joonghyuk-ah. I was just admiring the view.”

The regressor looked towards where Dokja was looking. He saw smoke in the far distance, a few fires cackling in the view. There were buildings broken down into fine dust and rubble until one couldn’t phantom their original design. A woman was walking with her hand bracing her on the wall.

“Don’t copy what you’ve already said before,” Joonghyuk responded after remembering a similar scenario many years ago. Back when they were still on unsteady grounds. “What are you planning?”

From the corner of his eyes, Joonghyuk caught the small twitch of the rat’s eyes. “Why do you think I’m planning something?”

“Kim Dokja.”

“Maybe I just wanted to appreciate the view.”

“Kim Dokja.”

“OK, you sunfish bastard, no need to pull out the sword!” Dokja quickly raised his hands in surrender with an unfortunate smile on his face. Joonghyuk released his hold on his sword while keeping his glare locked on the other man.

“Yoo Joonghyuk.” 

He looked up the constellation’s words. Dokja’s face seemed different now. Of course, he still couldn’t see his features properly, what with the blur the Star Stream insisted on keeping. Yet, the man seemed more severe, more complementive.

“Why do you regress?”

Joonghyuk glared. “What kind of question is that?”

“Ah just answer it Joonghyuk-ah.”

“Kim Dokja. What nonsense are you planning this time?”

“I’m really not planning anything.”

[Incarnation ‘Yoo Joonghyuk’ is activating ‘Lie Detection Level 6’!]

[Your statement has been confirmed as the truth.]

“Was that really necessary?” Dokja grinned at his companion with a tick mark forming on his forehead. 

A soft breeze drifted through the cabin as the three occupants found themselves at a standstill. One was still sitting blankly with another grinning beside him as the last one stared at them in veiled confusion. 

“Why are you asking that?”

“I’m just curious. Can’t you humor me a little?”

Joonghyuk stared at the man’s face, Dokja was no longer smiling. Instead he had turned around to look into the far distance again, avoiding the regressor’s eyes. Taking large steps, Joonghyuk walked up to the constellation, now standing beside him. He took a moment to register the question.

Why do I regress?

The simple answer would be to try again. To use the knowledge he learns in an attempt to improve the next regression turn. So that someday he can use his gathered knowledge and reach the end of the scenarios.

But why? Joonghyuk looks at the smoke drifting lazily from a burning car next to a building. Puddles of crimson blood soaked the group in a never ending stain, forever tainting the ground. He looked at the woman who was walking barefoot, streaks of red layering the group behind her. Her clothes were tattered, a hold on her side and yet she kept walking. She walked towards a destination she didn’t know on a path never traveled before.

Why am I fighting? Why do I want to live?

The man looked at his companion who hadn’t moved an inch. He saw the light gently caressing Dokja’s hair which fluttered in an invisible breeze. 

“I don’t remember much of my time before the regressions. The earliest memories I have are of taking care of Mia and looking for my parents.”

He didn’t know why he was sharing this, why he was indulging a big part of himself to the reader. 

“I don’t know who my parents were or if they even existed in the first place. It seemed like I had just been brought into existence one day.” 

Yet the words left his mouth without his permission. By this point, Kim Dokja had tuned to him, watching silently with clouded eyes. Joonghyuk couldn’t tell what the constellation was feeling which would normally make him cautious, but he found himself not caring at the moment. He found comfort in the unknown. 

“I felt like I had no existence. How could I when the ones who supposedly gave birth to me didn’t exist? And then the scenarios happened and I regressed.” He took a moment to gather his thoughts looking in front again, avoiding Dokja’s gaze.

“Somehow, of all the things, regressing felt most natural to me. I wasn’t shocked or surprised, rather I felt like I knew it would happen all along. Like some part of me had always been a regressor long before the scenarios.”

Joonghyuk looked at the woman who had finally sat down on the steps near a building. A young man came running out, quickly embracing her. He watched the two hug and rejoice, knowing the other was safe for the moment. So she did have a goal. 

“I regress because regressing makes me exist, it’s the only way I feel alive.”

Kim Dokja didn’t say anything after that and Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t either. They stood together on the roof, content in basking in silence. The woman and the man were long gone, having reached their goals, and Joonghyuk had forgotten to ask Dokja why he asked that question.

The constellations twinkled in the dark sky.

Where is Kim Dokja?

“Who’s that?”

Joonghyuk didn’t realize he had spoken that out loud until Kim Namwoon spoke. The silver haired boy was looking at him with visible distrust, keeping a grip on his small knife. Beside him, Lee Hyunsung stayed seated, not having looked up once since his arrival.

Joonghyuk recognized the stance the man held. It was the same as he had been in all of Joonghyuk’s regressions excluding the one with Kim Dokja. Hyunsung hadn’t been able to handle the mental trauma of killing someone so early into the scenarios. Joonghyuk knew that Kim Dokja providing him with crickets which helped Hyunsung avoid killing, had done a miracle to his mental health. 

“Hey! Ahjussi what’s your deal?” Joonghyuk looked at Namwoon who had seemingly gotten tired of the silence. He was standing in a defensive position now, a bloodthirsty smile slapped on.

Joonghyuk looked at both of them. The situation was scarily familiar to him, a replica of his regressions before. It was the situation he expected in his third regression as well, though it didn’t work out the same. He knew how this went, having already done it thousands of three times. 

Yet Kim Dokja had changed that. The scene in front of him now felt unfamiliar, as if he was entering a scenario he had never done before. 

“Hey, you bastard! Stop standing there and say something!!”

Yoo Joonghyuk watched in a daze as Namwoon rushed at him, a knife aiming for his neck. He absentmindedly countered it, still lost in thoughts. 

Who is Kim Dokja? Why did he only appear in my third regression, never before or after? Where is he now?

Namwoon screamed, knife recklessly flying around. The sunfish calmly countered, not even breaking a sweat while the boy was panting, fully out of breath. It seemed the noise had even drawn Lee Hyunsung’s attention though his eyes still looked clouded. 

But I can’t worry about that now. I have to focus on proceeding with this regression as a normal one. I’ll have to find Kim Dokja later.

Making his mind up, Joonghyuk quickly hit Namwoon on the neck, making him choke and fall down. He watched the boy violently cough and rub his neck where it was hit. 

“My name is Yoo Joonghyuk,” the regressor announced after Namwoon had settled down and Hyunsung seemed more focused. 

He then turned around and walked out of the cabin. 

Joonghyuk faintly registered a shriek coming from the train cabin before two pairs of steps followed him. The man pretended as if he didn’t hear the two follow him to the bridge.

If he remembered correctly, Namwoon should speak up about n-

“I’m Kim Namwoon and I have a really good attribute hyung.”

“Ah I should introd- um I’m Lee Hyunsung member of the Korean Army, no former mem- but umm…”

Joonghyuk let the rest of Hyunsung’s words fade into the wind. This was something he was accustomed to, something predictable. Hyunsung needed someone who would guide him, someone who would make him feel useful and human. While that person had been Kim Dokja in the third regression, Joonghyuk now filled the role again. Kim Namwoon followed him because Joonghyuk was strong, stronger than the boy. His show of strength in the cabin had given him a secured place of admiration in Namwoon’s heart. It was frighteningly similar to how Lee Jihye joined him actually. 

Jihye… 

As he walked in front of his companions in the 4th regression, the regressor’s mind went to the past regression. With a wince, Yoo Joonghyuk thought of the members of Kim Dokja’s Company. Hyunsung, Jiyhe, Yoosung, Gilyoung, Heewon, Sangha…Sooyoung…Dokja. Joonghyuk didn’t know when he started thinking of them as more than supporters. As companions and party members rather than pawns to be disregarded. He didn’t know when his thoughts changed from “I” to “we.” 

It was now as he stood in the remains of an unfamiliar life that he longed for the company he just lost.

I’ll find you. All of you.

“J-Joonghyuk-ssi?” A quick glance had the army man scrambling to finish the sentence. “Where are you- um I mean where are we going?” 

The man didn’t answer. Hyunsung looked nervously at the back of the stranger’s head. He didn’t know what to think of him. He didn’t notice when the man, Yoo Joonghyuk, had entered the train cabin, too lost in his thoughts. However, Hyunsung had noticed when the silver-haired monster had started attacking the poor man. His instincts as an army official had protested him to protect Joonghyuk, to not let anyone else be a victim of the monster. 

But he didn’t do anything. Lee Hyunsung, someone whose only worth was in protecting people, watched as the dark haired man was assaulted. He watched as someone was about to be hurt. (Like the little girl had been. Like when watched when she turned frightened eyes to her murdered. When she pushed against a steady chest, when she turned frightened eyes towards him-towards Hyunsung. Towards her murdere-)

Lee Hyunsung had never felt more relieved than when Yoo Joonghyuk had defended himself. His breath came out more easily when he realized he didn’t need to see anyone else lose their life. Instead he became fascinated by the deathly duel the two found themselves in. He saw how the monster grew more and more aggravated when the dark haired man calmly countered his attacks. He watched the monster suffer.

(And for a moment he felt pity towards the monster for he was no monster. He was just a young silver haired boy who had grown up too fast in this world. He was just a child. But Hyunsung squashed down that part of him. He would not sympathize for a murderer, he was better than that. Yes he was. He was better than that, he was. I am better than that I am I am better please I am I am I’m not a mons- )

Hyunsung was still in a daze when he followed Yoo Joonghyuk out, barely realizing that the mons-kid, Kim Namwoon was beside him. The man resisted the urge to call him a monster, they might have to work together someday, and it would do no good to call him that in front of Joonghyuk-ssi.

Instead he walked by the boy, behind the man they both had chosen to follow. And he hoped that he could protect someone like Joonghyuk-ssi had protected himself.

The trio found themselves walking through a tunnel after crossing a crumbling bridge. Hyunsung was glad the bridge had held up, it would have been impossible to get through if it had broken down. He looked to the side to see Yoo Joonghyuk staring at the edge of the bridge with clouded eyes. Following his sight, Hyunsung locked gaze on a giant sea monster swimming calmly. He looked towards Joonghyuk again who had now turned again continuing to walk towards the entrance to the tunnel. 

Huh. Lee Hyunsung did not know the other man enough to be completely sure but he thought he saw deep sadness in the other man’s eyes. The army man shook off the thought. Why would anyone look sadly at a sea monster? 

They quickly entered the tunnel and walked through it silently before-

“AHKGH-” Kim Namwoon started coughing as a green tinted gas surrounded him. Hyunsung let out a small cough before he quickly covered his mouth. The area outside the tunnel looked nothing like the Seoul Hyunsung had seen just hours prior. Cars were overturned, buildings had fallen down, broken glass was spread out on the ground and oh god the blood. Splashes of dark red, crimson decorated all corners of the street. Hyunsung clenched the hand on his mouth more strongly, resisting the urge to throw up.

“Cover your mouth, the gas is poisonous after long term exposure,” Yoo Joonghyuk looked unbothered by the situation and kept vigilant eyes on his surroundings. Following his advice the two covered their mouth, though Namwoon did so with a grumble of “I knew that.”

The trio silently walked through the streets passing over a gas station. Hyunsung briefly wondered why they didn’t try to seek refuge there. 

“Hey, hyung! Why don’t we go through the underground tunnel connected to the gas station?” Kim Namwoon's voice was scratchy from coughing and trying not to breath too much gas in, but it was audible enough. Guess he was thinking the same thing. Hyunsung tried not to be put off by the thought.

Joonghyuk ignored, continuing to walk in silence. They eventually reached a… grocery shop? Oh! Joonghyuk-ssi probably wants us to collect supplies here so we can bunker down, Hyunsung thought with awe. Yoo Joonghyuk was turning out to be even more reliable than previously thought.

They walked in, closing the door behind them though it didn’t help much with the gas given most of the windows were broken. The inside of the store wasn’t much as it seemed like most of the things had already been ransacked by others. Still, Hyunsung tried not to be too offset by it. We can still find some things.

As Hyunsung and Namwoon started grabbing the few supplie s that remained on the shelves, the former military man noticed Yoo Joonghyuk walked past the shelves. His head was moving around, eyes constantly roaming around as if looking for something. Feeling curious, Hyunsung followed the man who had finally stopped in front of a shelf towards the back of the store. The man was now staring at something on the ground before he crouched down beside it.

Finally having gotten closer to Yoo Joonghyuk, Hyunsung looked down to see what had caught the man’s attention. He gaped in surprise at what he saw.

“What’s a woman doing here?” Kim Namwoon, who had somehow silently found his way to the two of them, spoke up.

Laying in front of a crouching Yoo Joonghyuk was a pale faced young woman who ripped clothing and blood staining her skirt. Looking at the other man who was now gently lifting the unknown woman up, Hyunsung wondered why he didn’t look surprised to see her here.

Did he… know she would be here?