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Chapter Text

"It has now been two years since the famous boyband One Direction went on hiatus. All of the boys have been successful after this. Niall has released a solo album, and so has Harry while Liam and Louis are working on it. Rumors have it two of the boys will be part of som-"

"Lottie, can you please turn that off? I'm trying to concentrate here," I muttered, my eyebrows pulled together as I tried to focus on the song I was currently writing.

Lottie let out an exasperated sigh where she was sitting on my couch before turning off the flat screen. "Are you ever going to finish? You've been writing all day," she complained, crossing her arms over her chest.

I looked up at her with arched eyebrows. "It takes time to write good songs, alright, Lots?" I retorted, making her roll her eyes.

It took a while before she opened her mouth to continue talking. "Is it about Harry?" She asked hesitantly while biting her bottom lip.

I could feel my heart stop beating for a second at the mention of his name. Looking down at my guitar, I inhaled a deep breath. "No," I mumbled monotonously.

She was quiet for another long while before she replied, "Almost all the songs you've written so far are about him, so why wouldn't this be?"

I snapped my head up to meet her gaze, my eyes boring into hers. "I wrote the other songs when we were still together. Why would I write songs about him now when we haven't even talked to each other in two years?"

She tilted her head to the side, a faint smile gracing her lips. "Because you still love him, and you miss him. A lot of people write songs about heartbreak and how it feels to be without the one they love," she explained, making me scoff.

"I don't love him. It's been two years. It'd be stupid of me to still feel that way about him. Besides, I'm pretty certain he has moved on from me a long time ago, so I would only embarrass myself if I wrote a song about him now."

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "What even happened between you two? You were together for five years, then you all of a sudden couldn't even stand to be in the same room as each other. Why have you never told me what happened?" She frowned, seeming a little hurt.

I bit my lip, looking down at the floor. Just thinking about what happened between me and Harry made my heart hurt. I never thought the day would come. I always thought Harry and I would grow old together, but then that evening in October took place and turned everything upside down.

"I'd rather not talk about it, to be honest. It's in the past anyway. It's not like we can turn back time and change what happened," I muttered.

She pursed her lips, shaking her head while averting her gaze. "No, I guess not," she mumbled. "I wish, though, because then I would be able to go back and see mum again."

I could feel a lump form in my throat at her words, and I instantly regretted what I had just said. Why did I have to be so stupid? "Fuck, I shouldn't have said that. Come here," I said, motioning for her to scoot over.

I placed my guitar on the couch beside me and wrapped my arms around her body once she sat next to me. She put her arms around my frame as well, hugging me tightly. We sat there for a long while, just enjoying the presence of each other without saying a word. There was nothing I loved more than having these moments with my sister.

It wasn't until five minutes later that she eventually broke the silence. "I may be stupid sometimes, Lou, but when I say that you and Harry are meant to be together, I mean it. I don't know what happened between you, but I do know that if you just tried to talk to each other again, I'm sure you could work things out. You would be so much happier, Lou. I know you would because I've never seen you as happy as you were with him. So please do yourself a favor and try to fix things if you ever get the chance. I'm saying this because I love you, Lou, and I want what's best for you," she said, looking into my eyes.

I could feel my jaw clenching at her words. If only she knew that it wasn't that simple. I may have done things wrong back then, but I wasn't the only one who had done so. Harry was at fault too, and I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to forgive him for what he did to me.

Chapter Text

When I first learned that One Direction was going on a break, I was stunned. I wasn't prepared for it at all. Everything was going so well for us, and it felt like we were all really enjoying it again after Zayn left at the beginning of the year. Well, that was before Harry and I fell apart. I was pretty sure he felt a strong urge to leave the band after we did.

Harry and I'd had moments where we fought and didn't talk to each other before, but that never led to the band breaking up. Not that our breakup was the main reason the band went on hiatus. All four of us were growing pretty tired of working so hard without being able to spend time with our families. It had been five years since we had time to sit down and relax without having an upcoming tour or an album on our minds.

I was also pretty sure that some of us were curious to try out making our own music, but I had never really seen myself as a solo artist. I loved being in One Direction despite all the disagreements with Management. The band made me see things I had never thought I would ever see in my life, and it made me experience something I never thought I would. I absolutely loved it, and doing it all with four guys that I considered family was the icing on the cake. I understood that the other guys wanted to make solo music, though, I did.

It had now been over two years since we went on a break, and I had eventually decided that I also wanted to try out being a solo artist after all. At first, I only thought I would manage other bands and write music for other artists, but I missed the feeling of being on stage and singing to the incredible fans, and that was why I was now working on dropping my first solo album.

I had also taken up the offer of being a judge in the upcoming season of the X Factor. Patrick, the guy who had taken over after Simon, had asked me a few months ago. I had been a little hesitant at first, but after a while of thinking about it, I realized that it couldn't possibly do me any harm. It had been quite some time since I was last seen in public, and I had a feeling people were waiting to see me do something again. Besides, I was sure it would be a lot of fun, and I could relate to the feeling of being one of the people auditioning too.

What surprised me was that Patrick wouldn't tell me what other people he had asked to be judges. He said he wanted it to be a surprise. Therefore, I wouldn't know until they dropped it on social media. If I were honest, I didn't think that was very fair, but on the other hand, it wasn't as if it mattered. I couldn't think of any famous person I was on bad terms with anyway.

These days, I lived in London with my dog, Clifford. The house was pretty big for only one person, so I sometimes had Eleanor over with her dog, Bruce. A year ago, Management had wanted me to get back with her because I was still working for Syco and Larry rumors were still going around. I honestly didn't mind too much because Eleanor had come to be a good friend of mine despite the circumstances. She had been one of the reasons I couldn't come out with Harry, but she wasn't exactly the one to blame. She was just doing what she had been told to do.

It had taken some time for me to get used to being friends with her, though, mainly because Harry and I were pissed at Management for treating us the way they did, so I couldn't even think of being friendly with her. However, I spent four years with her after that, before Harry and I finally managed to persuade Management to break Eleanor's contract, so we got to know each other pretty well over that time.

Harry never really liked her, though, and to be honest, I couldn't blame him. I never liked any of the girls he had to date in public either. Caroline, Taylor, Kendall and all the other ones were just a nightmare, and I was sadly the jealous type of guy. I could never really handle jealousy well, and I was pretty sure that had been proven over the years. That was also one of the reasons I had told Management that I had to be the one in a longtime relationship with a girl and not him. The other was that I had always felt the need to protect Harry from bad things, and this was not an exception.

But enough about Harry. He wasn't even in the picture anymore. I shouldn't keep thinking about him because it wasn't healthy for me, which I had learned over the years. What I should focus on was what was happening right now, and currently, I was sitting at my kitchen table, munching on some Coco Pops while scrolling through my unread messages on my phone.

I was a little surprised that there were so many of them, but what caught my eye was the text Liam had sent me since I had no idea what he was talking about.

Liam: Mate, I just saw the news. Did you actually agree to this?

News? I didn't know anything that I was waiting for to be published other than that they were going to reveal who the judges were any day now. Could that be what he was talking about?

I quickly exited the chat and went onto Twitter instead, hoping to see what the fuss was about. It didn't take more than a few seconds until I saw it because it was everywhere. No wonder Liam had noticed it. I literally couldn't find any tweet that was saying anything else.

The first thing I acknowledged was that my heart stopped beating in my chest. It was like time stopped around me while I was just sitting there, staring at my phone with my mouth hanging open.

Harry was one of the judges.

This couldn't be happening. There was no way. How could they even think this would be a good idea? People would go crazy. The fans would go crazy, not to mention Management. Still, I was pretty sure I would be most affected by the situation.

After a few minutes of my head spinning like crazy with different thoughts and possible scenarios, I swallowed thickly and let my eyes scan over the tweets. I couldn't believe it was true. Why him? Out of all people, why did they choose him? And me? Why did they choose us?

Would Harry agree to this? As far as I knew, he hated me. There was no way he would be okay with it, so maybe things would work themselves out? But then again, I wasn't sure if I was willing to drop out, not even because of this. And if he wasn't either, then I had no idea how this could possibly be fixed.

Running a hand through my hair, I went to my contacts to shakily press my thumb on Liam's name. I needed to talk to him. Now.

"Louis?"

"Liam," I breathed, closing my eyes for a few seconds. "I can't believe this is happening. I haven't talked to him since we went on hiatus two years ago. How on earth is this even going to work out? He hates me! I hate him! How could they even think this would be a good idea?" I blurted out, gripping the spoon in my hand tightly.

Liam let out a deep sigh on the other end. "I don't know, Lou. I'm just as surprised as you are. Management has always been against anything Larry-related, so I never thought they would agree to this. Do you even think they spoke to Simon about it before making this decision? I mean, sure, he quit the show quite drastically last year, but I never thought they were on that bad terms."

I shook my head, breathing heavily through my nostrils. "I'm pretty sure they haven't talked to Management. They would have never agreed to this, but I'm positive they are going to be pissed about it when they find out," I muttered.

"Do you... do you still want to do it? The show, I mean? Despite all this?" He asked, and I could picture him biting his bottom lip on the other end.

Bringing a hand to my forehead, I looked down at the half-empty bowl on the table in front of me. "I... I don't know, but I think so. I mean, it's not like I have never pretended to like him before. We did pretty well those last few months in the band, didn't we? Besides, I might not even have to talk to him on that level. Everyone knows we haven't met in two years anyway," I shrugged, trying to look on the bright side.

Liam hummed. "Yeah, sure, but you do realize that things won't be the same as when you pretended to like each other when we were in the band, right? As you said, it's been two years since you last saw each other, so obviously, things are going to be different and way more tense."

I bit my bottom lip, pinching the skin between my eyes. "Thank you so much for the support, Liam. I really appreciate it. You just made me feel a lot better about the situation," I muttered sarcastically.

He let out a sigh. "Look, Lou, I'm not trying to make you feel bad about this. I'm just trying to think realistically, alright? But, I'm sure if anyone can handle this situation, it's you. You've been through a hell of a lot of shit the last couple of years, but in the end, you've always worked it out. Besides, this might even be a great opportunity for you and Harry to finally work out whatever happened between you two, and I think that would be good for both of you."

Letting out a snort, I shook my head. "It will probably only make things worse between us, but whatever. If this is actually happening, I'm going to do my best to stay far away from him, and I'm pretty sure he's going to do the same thing."

"Alright, Lou," Liam sighed. "I'm really sorry, but I have to go now. I hope everything will work out for you, mate. I believe in you."

I ran a hand through my hair. "Thank you, Liam. See you soon, yeah?"

"For sure. Take care."

"You too."

With that said, we ended the call. I put my phone away before letting out a deep sigh, leaning down to rest my cheek against the cold surface of the table. I barely had time to think for a minute before the device vibrated beside my head, making my eyes snap open.

"Jesus Christ," I muttered as I lifted my head to look at the screen.

Incoming call from Patrick.

I clicked the green button and pressed the phone to my ear without hesitating. "Hello?"

"Good morning, Louis. I hope you've had a good night's sleep. You probably already know the reason I'm calling you," Patrick said on the other end, sounding a bit nervous.

"Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I do... Why didn't you warn me?"

I was honestly surprised that I managed to keep my voice so calm because I felt ready to snap at him on the inside. It seemed like Patrick was surprised by this too, since it took a while until he replied, "I... We honestly didn't know about your situation, that you and Harry have been in a relationship. We thought you were still good friends, and we figured people would love to see two guys from one of the most popular boy bands in history be judges on the show they started their careers in. It wasn't until we received an angry call from Simon a few minutes ago that we found out. I'm genuinely sorry about this, Louis. I still hope you are up for the show, though," he apologized.

I let out another deep sigh, running a hand through my now tousled hair. "To be honest, my thoughts are kind of all over the place right now, but I've been hyping this ever since I accepted the offer, and it's only a couple of weeks until it all starts, so I don't want to put you through any shit by dropping out now. Besides, I'm still quite excited about it," I told him truthfully.

"It pleases me to hear that, Louis. I actually expected you to be more upset about this than you're letting on. It's your choice, though, and even if we would have a hard time finding a new judge on such short notice, we would do it if you decide you can't go through with it, so don't worry about that."

I bit my bottom lip, staring down at my bowl. "It would be a lie to say that I'm not upset, but I'm trying to handle the situation in the best way possible. Have you... Have you talked to Harry about it?" I couldn't help but ask, fearing the answer.

To be honest, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know because if he had been talking to him, I didn't want to know what his reaction had been.

"Yes," Patrick confessed. "I just spoke to him actually, and to be honest, he was a bit more upset about it than you seem to be. He didn't say very much, though. It took me a good ten minutes until I could even get him to say whether he's still up for the show or not."

I swallowed hard, feeling a lump form in my throat. "And uhh... What was his answer?"

Did I even want to know that? I mean, if the answer were yes, the next few months would be chaotic and probably very dramatic, but if the answer was no, that meant he was dropping out only because of me, and that thought hurt more than it probably should.

"If you don't mind, I'd like you to answer the question yourself before I reveal what he said because I don't want your answer to be dependant on him," he explained apologetically.

I furrowed my eyebrows, pulling at the hem of my loose t-shirt. I understood what he meant by it, but I couldn't help but be disappointed anyway. To be honest, I was quite positive I had already made my mind up, but I wanted to know what decision Harry hand made first.

"I... Yeah, I'm still up for the show, I guess. As I said, I'm already very excited about this," I explained.

It was as if I could see the smile forming on his lips. "It pleases me to hear that, Louis, it really does. You are very welcome to join the show in four weeks to begin the auditioning tour along with Nick Grimshaw, Perrie Edwards and Harry Styles then."

If I'd had food in my mouth, I would have spat it out right then. "He said yes? And wait, Nick is going to be one of the judges as well?" I echoed, my eyes practically bulging out of their sockets.

Patrick let out a sigh on the other end. "Yes, Louis. Harry said yes, and Nick is also one of the judges. I thought you already knew that? Didn't you check your social media before I called you?"

I ran a hand over my face, trying to steady my heavy breathing. "No? I mean, yes, but everyone was talking about me and Harry, so I didn't see anything about the other judges," I almost whined because what the hell was this?

Everyone knew that Nick and I had never really been the best of friends. Ever since the start, he had shown his obvious affection for Harry in interviews. He always tried to flirt with him every chance he got, and he made sure to do it right in front of my eyes when I couldn't do anything about it too.

"Does this change your decision?" Patrick asked hesitantly, making me squeeze my eyes shut tightly.

Fuck. I didn't want to deal with this. Not now, not ever. Did I actually want to be a judge in the show? I mean, if both Harry and Nick were going to be there, I was pretty sure things were not going to be as fun as I had expected them to be. If I really tried to, I was sure I could avoid Harry, but having to be in the presence of him and Nick simultaneously was something else.

"I... I honestly don't know. Is it... Can I think about it until tomorrow?" I pleaded, biting my lip.

Patrick let out a sigh. "Yeah, of course. I won't push you to do anything you're uncomfortable with, Louis. You know that, right?"

I pursed my lips, nodding while looking at the surface of the table. "I know," I said, although I had a hard time believing his words because I had never had a choice before. It was always 'do this, or else I'm ending your career'. Yet, I had a strong feeling Patrick wasn't like Simon. He wasn't going to force me into anything.

"Alright. I'll call you tomorrow morning around this time. Is that okay?" He asked sincerely.

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, that'll be perfect," I mumbled.

"Alright, Louis. Have a great day, and think this through carefully, okay?"

"I promise," I said, pulling at my bottom lip with my thumb and forefinger. "Bye."

"Goodbye."

Placing my phone on the table once again, I pressed the palms of my hands against my face while inhaling a deep breath. Could this situation possibly get any worse? It felt like a nightmare, something that just happened in dreams. The worst part was that I knew it wasn't. It wasn't a dream that I would wake up from and realize that everything was okay. This was real life.

Just as I thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, my phone started vibrating again, Simon's name showing up on the display.

I felt a large, uncomfortable knot form in my stomach, and I had to swallow hard not to throw up the cereal I had just eaten. Hesitantly, I brought the device to my ear after pressing the green button, expecting the worst.

"It's Louis."

"I want you to be here in thirty minutes and not a minute later. Is that understood?"

Chapter Text

Twenty minutes later, I exited my black Audi outside Simon's office. It was raining, water droplets falling steadily from the grey sky. It had been raining for three days now, and even though I shouldn't be surprised since I lived in London out of all places, I couldn't help but feel grumpy about it. It just made my mood decrease even more.

Pulling the hood of my red Adidas jacket over my head, I kept my head down to prevent the rain from hitting my face, but also because I didn't want to be recognized by anyone. Having a camera shoved in my face right now would probably only make me snap.

I entered the building successfully, breathing out a sigh of relief as I pulled the hood off my head again. As predicted, it turned out I was already expected, so it didn't take long until I was standing in the elevator, waiting to get to Simon's floor.

Biting my bottom lip, I fished my phone from the back pocket of my black jeans to check my notifications. I had a missed call from Lottie, which I wasn't surprised about since I hadn't talked to her yet and she must be very confused about the news.

I exited the elevator with a sigh and shoved my phone back in my pocket before stepping into Simon's office. I didn't even knock because I knew he was already waiting for me.

And he was.

With a grey blazer covering his torso, he was sitting there at his desk with his colleague, Michaela, by his side, going through a few papers that were placed in front of them.

The second I closed the door behind me, they both looked up, Simon instantly pressing his lips in a thin line. "Louis, take a seat," he ordered firmly, motioning to the chair in front of them.

I swallowed, doing as told. The second I plopped down, I folded my arms over my chest and looked up at them, raising my brows. "So, you wanted me to come," I said, trying to act as if I had no idea why he had wanted me here in the first place.

He furrowed his eyebrows, letting out a scoff. "Don't act as if you don't know why you're here."

I rolled my eyes, feeling the suspense leave my body. This was Simon, the same man I had learned to stand up to over the years. He wasn't worth getting nervous about. "Well, you never mentioned the reason over the phone, so why did you want me to come?" I replied sassily.

He narrowed his eyes, lifting a finger to point at me. "Don't use that tone with me, Louis. What were you thinking when you agreed to participate in the show with Harry?" He asked with a bite to his tone, his eyes staring directly into my own.

"I didn't know he was going to be asked. If I did, I would have probably not said yes," I explained, furrowing my brows.

Simon let out a flat laugh, shaking his head. "Well, it doesn't matter. You're going to tell them you can't do it any longer. There is no way you will work with him again, especially not like this. I won't allow it," he said bitterly.

"You won't allow it?" I voiced, faking a laugh. "We've already discussed this, and you have already given me your approval."

He raised his eyebrows, looking at me in surprise. "So you're telling me you still want to do the show even if Harry's going to be there?"

I bit my lip, looking down at his desk. To be honest, I hadn't let myself think about it yet. Working with both Harry and Nick at the same time would be very difficult, but on the other hand, I didn't want Simon to think he could do whatever he wanted with me, as if I was some sort of rag doll or a piece of his game. He had done enough of that in the past, and I was done with it. And this was the perfect opportunity to go against him because he had already approved that I could be a judge on the show.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what I'm saying," I said, trying to sound convincing, but since I hadn't really thought it through yet, I could tell he noticed that I wasn't sure about it.

He hummed, exchanging a look with Michaela before looking back at me. "Why are you doing this, Louis? We both know that you and Harry aren't on the best terms right now, so why would you want to put yourself in this situation? Do you still love him, is that it? Do you want him back?" He laughed humorously, making me ball my hands into tight fists.

"I haven't said anything even close to that," I seethed, gritting my teeth. "I'm just sick and tired of you trying to control me all the time. Yes, I am under your record label, but that doesn't mean you can make every decision for me. This is my life, and doing the show doesn't even have anything to do with my music, so I don't understand why you're even a part of this. Besides, I've been looking forward to this ever since I agreed to it."

"Louis," Michaela sighed in an attempt to calm me down. "You know we're just trying to do what's best for you and your career, right? We're not making these decisions because we want to control you and make your life shitty. We've discussed this several times before. Being an artist comes with a price. You always have to make your fans happy, so they still want to listen to your music."

I let out a snort, looking away from them. "You're just talking a bunch of bullshit. Besides, being on the show with Harry won't disappoint any fans, rather the opposite. Even if they don't support us as a couple, they most likely support us as two members of One Direction, so they'll only be happy to see us working together again."

Simon swallowed hard, shaking his head. "They're going to start talking, more so now than ever. We've been trying to make these Larry rumors go away for years now, and we're finally heading in the right direction. So, if you go through with this, things are only going to take a turn for the worse again," he muttered.

I pulled my eyebrows together. "Good thing I don't care about that then. You're the only ones who give a damn about people talking about me and Harry. I don't even care now that we're not together anymore," I retorted, glaring at him.

He reached up to pinch the skin between his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. "Jesus, Louis. You're not making this easy for me," he sighed, leaning back on his chair.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Well, you've already agreed that I can participate in the show, so there's nothing you can do anyway."

The more I thought and talked about it, the more positive I was that I wanted to do this after all. I wanted to be a judge in the upcoming season of The X Factor, just like I had thought I was going to be up until today. Screw Harry and Nick. I was sure I could handle it all anyway.

Simon pressed his lips together, looking at me as if he wanted to strangle me. I was pretty sure he did. "Well then, I hope you'll have a very delightful time doing this, and don't come crawling back to me when things don't turn out the way you wanted them to," he snarled.

I let out a huff, standing up from my chair. "That won't happen. I'd never crawl back to you, that's for sure," I muttered, taking off towards the door.

Before I could exit the room, Simon spoke up again, "You should be happy that you have me, Louis. There are not many labels that want to work with you."

I froze in my spot, feeling every muscle in my body go rigid. Then, without a second thought, I turned around abruptly, glaring at the man who was sitting so proudly on his chair. "Fuck you."

With that said, I exited Simon's office, not even looking back as I strode over to the elevator.

That went fucking fantastic.

-----

When I got home, I was surprised to see that there was already another car parked in my driveway. If it weren't for the fact that it was a familiar white Mini Cooper, I would have gotten suspicious, but there was no question it was Lottie's car.

Once I had parked my Audi, I exited the vehicle before walking over to the front door of my large, white house. I had bought it when Harry and I went our separate ways back in 2015, and even though it was a very long time ago, I had yet to feel at home in it. It was massive, and sometimes, it could get pretty lonely to live here all by myself.

The second I opened the door, Clifford ran towards me while barking happily. He didn't waste a second to get on his back paws to place his front ones on my knees, wanting me to greet him. "Hi, big boy. Have you missed me?"

Kneeling down, I petted his furry head, making him lean into my touch. He then reached up to lick my face, to which I scrunched my nose up. "Okay, that's enough, Cliff. Where do you have our sister?" I asked him.

After taking off my outdoor clothing, I walked into the house, Clifford following closely behind. The second I entered the living room, I could see Lottie's figure on my couch, sprawled out across it with a blanket draped over her. By the looks of it, she had been watching TV until she had fallen asleep because it was on, but her eyelids were closed.

"Wakey, wakey, Lots," I said, shaking her body gently to wake her up from her nap.

She let out a groan, blinking her eyes open. It took a good minute until she was fully awake, her eyes settling on me in confusion. "Where have you been? I tried to call you, but you didn't pick up, so I came here to check on you, but you weren't home. Do you realize how worried I was?" She whined, pouting her lips at me.

I sat down at her feet, giving her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. I saw that you had called me when I was about to enter Simon's office, so I couldn't call back. He uh... he wanted to talk to me about the news," I grimaced, almost cringing at the meeting we just had. I hated meetings with him.

Lottie's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, I should have known Simon wanted to talk to you about that. Actually, this news is why I wanted to speak with you in the first place," she explained, pulling her eyebrows together. "Why didn't you tell me Harry was going to be a judge as well?"

I let out a sigh, burying my face in my hands. "I didn't know, that's the thing. Didn't I already tell you that they wouldn't reveal who the other judges were until they posted it on social media?"

She was quiet for a couple of seconds until she broke the silence, "I... Yeah. I guess I forgot about that. What are you going to do about it?" She asked hesitantly, probably afraid to hit a sore spot.

Letting my hands drop from my face, I shook my head. "At first, I tried to convince myself that I still wanted to do the show no matter what, but when I found out that Nick is one of the judges as well, I took a step back and told Patrick, the head of the production, that I needed some time to think. But when I got to Simon's office and he said that he didn't want me to do the show anymore, I kind of snapped and told him that I would still do it, mainly because I don't want him to think that he can still control me," I explained, seeing the grimace on her face.

"Yeah, it must suck that Nick is going to be there too. You would think doing it all alongside your ex would be enough," she agreed. "You've never really gotten along with him, have you?"

I shook my head, looking down at my lap.

"But you can't base your decision on Simon's words. This is your life we're talking about. You shouldn't agree to do the show only because you want to get back at Simon. If you don't want to do this and feel like it wouldn't be good for you, then I'd reckon you don't. You should always do what's best for you, Lou," she told me, looking at me pleadingly.

I let out another sigh. "Yeah, I know. The thing is, I was really excited about this, and now it's only four weeks until it kicks off, and I'm still very excited about it, so I don't know. I've been waiting for this ever since I said yes, and I don't want a person to be the reason I drop out. Or, in this case, two people."

Lottie pursed her lips, pulling herself up in a sitting position. Meanwhile, Clifford jumped onto the couch to nuzzle his head into my armpit. I absentmindedly carded my hands through his fur as I kept my gaze on my sister. "I understand what you mean. I just don't want you to do this because it feels like you have to. I want you to have fun while doing it."

"I promise I will," I smiled, but honestly, I wasn't convinced. I would never know if I didn't try, though, right? "Can we please talk about something else instead? I've seriously not thought about anything else all day. Wait, what time is it? It's lunchtime, isn't it? You want to order some takeout while watching a movie with me?"

Her lips pulled into a smile as she nodded. "That sounds perfect," she agreed, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders to get herself more comfortable.

I fished my phone out of the back pocket of my jeans, dialing the number of the nearest Thai food restaurant. Once I was finished ordering, I put my phone away before looking over at my sister, narrowing my eyes at the fact that she had my blanket draped over her. "Hey, let me be under the blanket too," I pouted, pulling at the end of it.

She let out a huff. "No, this is my blanket. You can have another one," she whined, hugging it even closer to herself.

"Oh, come on, Lots. Don't be like that. Besides, technically, that blanket is mine too. This is my place, which means everything in this house belongs to me. And why don't you want to cuddle with your older brother?" I asked, pretending to be sad about it.

She rolled her eyes, finally moving one end of the blanket towards me. "Fine, okay, but only because I want to cuddle. I've missed doing this with you, having a day in while watching movies and ordering takeaway. It feels like ages ago."

I nodded in agreement. "It definitely does. I've missed you too. Guess we've both been busy doing other stuff lately," I said, tilting my head to the side. "How about watching a great action movie, yeah?" I sent her a smirk, knowing how much she hated them.

She scrunched her nose up. "Ew, no. We're watching a drama movie. I know you love those as much as I do," she smiled smugly, making me roll my eyes.

"Fine, you win," I chuckled.

Clifford made himself comfortable on my lap after I had gotten under the blanket while Lottie picked up the remote she had placed on the couch next to her. "Who's going to watch Clifford when you're away?" She asked as she flipped through the movies on Netflix.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I was thinking Eleanor might want to do it since Cliff and Bruce get along so well."

She tilted her head to the side while smirking at me. "So people won't get suspicious? That's honestly a great move. People might buy it," she chuckled.

I let out a loud laugh, shaking my head. "I honestly didn't even think of that, but you're right. I'm sure Simon will be ecstatic about it," I said, rolling my eyes.

Once the food arrived, I went to the kitchen to fetch some cutlery and plates while Lottie placed the food on the coffee table in the living room. She was sitting on the couch again when I got back, looking up at my arrival. A smile spread across her face as I handed her a plate, a fork and a knife.

"Let's dig in," I suggested, and so we did.

We plated some food before getting under the blanket again. Lottie pressed play on a movie she had found and seemed interested in. But as time passed, I noticed that she didn't seem to be focusing on it since her eyebrows were pulled into a frown. I tried not to put too much thought into it since it was probably nothing important, but when the crease didn't disappear, I decided I had to ask her about it.

"Lots, what's on your mind?" I asked, chewing on a piece of fried chicken.

She didn't make eye contact as she shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I'm just worried, I guess," she mumbled, pursing her lips.

Her words made me even more confused. "Worried about what?"

Letting out a sigh, she turned to meet my gaze. "I'm worried about you, Lou. I don't want you to jump headfirst into something you're not sure about," she explained, her lips in a pout.

I inhaled a deep breath, putting my plate on the coffee table so that I could wrap an arm around her shoulders. "I am sure, Lots. I want to do this. Don't worry about me, love. You've got better things to worry about than your silly brother," I chuckled flatly.

She sent me a glare. "Don't say that. Of course I worry about you. That's what siblings do. I just don't want you to get hurt because of this. I know that you and Harry ended it on a bad note, and I know that you still care about him somehow. Otherwise, I'm sure you would have moved on from him by now. So whatever he does and however he acts, it's going to have an impact on you. I just want you to be careful, alright? Promise me you will be," she pleaded, giving me puppy eyes.

Flashing her a faint smile, I nodded my head. "I promise, Lots."

"And if you ever get the chance, you should try talking to him about what happened."

I decided not to reply to that.

Chapter Text

When Patrick called me the next day, I told him that I still wanted to do the show after all. He was nothing but happy about it, but yet again, he said to me that he didn't want me to do it only to make it easy for them and because I felt like I needed to. I told him that it wasn't the case, and it wasn't. I was genuinely excited about it. I just hoped that working with Harry and Nick would be better than I imagined.

On the other hand, Perrie was going to be there too, and I was so happy that she was the fourth judge and no one else because we had gotten along well since she was engaged to Zayn. She was a close friend of mine, and I could tell things would be a lot easier having her there by my side.

That was how I now, four weeks later, found myself entering a tall building next to the Wembley Arena. My heart was hammering in my chest by how nervous I was. I was pretty sure I was about to faint any second too, because my head was spinning like crazy, and I was positive it wasn't due to my lack of sleep or the fact that I had driven here like a maniac because I was running late.

Inhaling a deep breath, I looked up to find some people in the production scattered in the corner of the room. Not seeing anyone I recognized, I walked over to them and tapped a brown-haired man on the shoulder, making him turn around to face me.

His eyes widened in surprise, and a broad smile broke out on his features. "Louis! It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Logan," the man in his thirties greeted excitedly, extending a hand for me to shake.

I hesitantly took it, furrowing my eyebrows since I wasn't expecting a greeting like that. "It's nice to meet you too. I uhh... I was wondering if you know which way I'm supposed to go? I'm running a little late," I explained, grimacing.

His mouth formed the shape of an 'o'. "Of course. Just take the elevator to the tenth floor. Patrick and the rest of the crew are waiting there," he told me, flashing me a toothy grin.

I nodded, returning the smile. "Thank you."

With that said, I turned on my heel and headed for the elevator across the room. Considering how late I was running, I should have probably walked faster than I did, but I was still shaking with nervousness, so I couldn't make myself move more quickly even if I wanted to.

Once inside the elevator, I pressed the button for the tenth floor and squeezed my eyes shut. As if it wasn't enough that my heart was already practically jumping out of my chest, my hands were starting to get clammy, and I could feel beads of sweat forming on my forehead. I was not prepared for the inevitable meeting I knew I had to face.

Before I could think more about it, the doors opened, and I had no other choice but to exit the elevator, inhaling one last breath before doing so. The first person I caught sight of was Patrick because he instantly noticed my appearance and walked over with a broad smile on his lips.

"Louis! I'm so glad you're finally here," he said, his brown eyes twinkling from the lights in the room. He was in his late forties with grey strands in his dark hair and the stubble on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," I grimaced. "Traffic was a bitch."

He waved a hand in dismissal. "It's okay. You're not the only one running late anyway. Nick and Harry have yet to show up too," he informed, patting me on the shoulder reassuringly.

For some reason, my heart skipped a beat at the mention of my ex-boyfriend. But I decided not to overthink it and nodded curtly. Right then, my eyes found the blonde-haired girl I had been looking forward to meeting behind his back, and I could feel my lips curl as we made eye contact.

"Louis," Perrie called out, walking over to bring me into a tight hug, squeezing me into her arms. "It's been way too long since last time. I'm so happy we're doing this together."

"Me too," I mumbled against her shoulder, feeling relieved that she was here and would be here during this entire journey. I could already tell she was going to make things a lot better.

The elevator dinged again before we could say anything else, signaling that someone was entering the floor. I could feel my heart drop, and I was suddenly very reluctant to turn around and face the elevator. But the curiosity got the better of me, so I turned around anyway.

How I wished I hadn't.

Not that it was a particularly bad sight, but it was too much for me to handle because I hadn't seen him in two years, let alone heard that deep voice of his that I had fallen asleep to so many times in the past. His hair wasn't like I recalled, though. Instead of the long locks he'd had the last time I saw him, he now almost had the same hairstyle he did back in 2013, but the curls were a little more out of control. Long hair or not, he was still breathtaking. His green eyes twinkled as his lips curled into a beautiful smile at the sight of Patrick, his dimples showing, and the crinkles by his eyes appearing.

I had to remind myself how to breathe as I stared at the gorgeous creature in front of me. As if his features weren't enough, he was wearing a pink suit with two lines of flowers on the front of the blazer along with a white button-up that was tucked into the pants and left undone to his chest, letting his swallow tattoos be on display.

Once I finally got my breathing sorted out, I noticed that he hadn't arrived alone. Nick was with him too, with his brown fringe styled into a quiff and a black suit covering his body. They were walking beside each other, greeting Patrick simultaneously and talking to him as if they were all three long-lost best friends.

Neither of the two men that just arrived had noticed me nor Perrie yet. They were too busy talking to the head of the production to do so. It wasn't until Perrie pulled me forward so that we were standing right in front of them and beside Patrick that their eyes landed on us.

I could see how the twinkle in Harry's eyes instantly disappeared and how the smile dropped from his face upon seeing me. He eyed me from head to toe with an emotionless look on his features, not giving away what he was thinking whatsoever. After a few seconds, he turned his gaze to the girl beside me, the smile instantly returning.

"Hey, Perrie. It's nice to see you again."

And just like that, I could feel everything returning to me. The afternoon where everything had changed, on the 19th of October 2015. It was the day before we had canceled our first and only show and only thanks to me and Harry. We had a falling-out that ended in us breaking up, so there was no way either of us was going on stage the night after that. Therefore, we had no other choice but to cancel it.

The thing was, I could remember everything he had told me that afternoon, and I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Why was I standing here, complimenting Harry's good looks when he had done such a cruel thing to me? He didn't deserve to be complimented. If anything, he deserved to rot in hell.

"Long time no see, Louis. How's your life been?" Nick asked.

Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I paid attention to the person standing in front of me with a stupid smirk on his lips, and I wanted nothing but to wipe it off. I stared back at him with narrowed eyes and let out a scoff. "Stop pretending like you give a shit."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Just as feisty as I remember. I've missed you, Tomlinson," he laughed, shaking his head in amusement.

I could feel my hands curl into fists at my sides as I gritted my teeth. But before I could do anything about the situation, I was stopped by a hand on my forearm, and when I turned to my left, I could see Perrie giving me a shake of her head as a warning.

Letting out a defeated sigh, I slumped my shoulders and turned to Patrick, who was watching us closely. "Alright, guys. The first contestants are arriving shortly, so you'd better get into the dressing room so that the stylists can get you fixed for the show," he informed, clapping his hands together.

We all nodded curtly and started making our way to the Wembley Arena to get to the dressing room. Perrie and I walked first while Nick and Harry trailed behind us at a fair distance. It was good that they weren't closer because I could still feel how frustrated I was because of them both. Why did I agree to do this again?

The second we were all sitting in a chair in the dressing room, ready to be fixed for the show, I could feel Perrie looking at the side of my face. Harry and Nick were sitting a few yards away, chatting about something that they both seemed interested in, so they couldn't hear whatever words Perrie and I exchanged with each other.

I raised my eyebrows at her, wondering what was on her mind.

She let out a sigh, tilting her head to the side. "I know you aren't on the best terms with either of Harry or Nick, but I think it's best if you try to be as civil as you can with them. We are going to be live every Saturday in a couple of months, and we can't have either of you fighting with each other then," she told me.

Pursing my lips, I nodded curtly. I knew she was right. The thing was, it was pretty difficult to be civil when the two guys in question weren't being remarkably civil in return. Nick had always had an attitude with me, and Harry was... Harry. "I'll do my best," I muttered, pressing my lips into a thin line.

Right then, a blonde girl in her thirties came up to me and started applying makeup on my face while another brown-haired woman started combing my hair. I wasn't used to this. It had been years since I was last sitting in a dressing room. Harry had been there that time too, but this was entirely different. I wasn't about to go on stage and perform in front of a massive crowd of people. Instead, I was about to have a camera directed at my face while telling people whether they could sing or not. It was different, but it was still very exciting. Despite the circumstances, I was looking forward to this.

While the stylists were getting me ready, I sneaked a peek in Harry's direction. I didn't want to be too obvious, so I only tilted my head a little to get a glimpse of him. It turned out I didn't need to be careful, though, because he was busy staring down at the phone in his hands, typing away on it frantically while a girl and a guy were fixing him up.

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, furrowing my eyebrows slightly. He seemed so careless, as if he had done this a thousand times before and couldn't care less about what they were doing to him. I mean, sure, he had done this a thousand times before, but so did I. After a while of sitting in a chair like this, I had lost interest in what they were doing to me too, but that was two years ago. Yet, it seemed as if Harry just did this the other day.

Then it hit me. I knew that he had dropped an album at the beginning of last year, although I hadn't listened to it. Lottie always made sure to keep me updated on him, even if I had told her countless times that I didn't care about him and his doings. However, I was quite positive she had also mentioned something about a tour. Was it possible that Harry had just gotten off that tour, and that was why he was so used to getting fixed up?

Swallowing, I looked up to see the reflection of myself in the mirror. There were so many things I had missed these last few years. It was like he wasn't even the same person anymore. Could I even say that I knew the Harry who was sitting in that chair only a couple of yards away from me?

The more glances I gave him, the more sure I was that I couldn't. He wasn't the same person I had been in a relationship with. Sure, he had been getting more and more confident back in the days when we were still together, but this Harry just radiated power and confidence. It was like I was looking at a star, not the shy sixteen-year-old boy I had taken under my wing the first time I caught sight of him eight years ago. Ever since then, I had felt a strong need to protect him, but looking at him now, I felt as though he didn't need to be protected anymore. He didn't need me anymore.

I forcefully shook the thoughts out of my head. He might not need me anymore, but I didn't need him either.

"Alright, guys. Let's head into the arena now," Patrick called out. If I were honest, I hadn't even acknowledged that he had entered the room. I had been too lost in my thoughts to do so.

On our way to the arena, Patrick told us they had already decided where we would be sitting at the judges' table. The second he said this, I could feel a knot form in my stomach because I had a bad feeling about it. Something was telling me that they wouldn't place me at one of the corners and let Perrie be the one sitting beside me.

Once we entered the arena that was empty of people, the first thing he did was to show us to the table. "The seats have been decided as following from the contestants' point of view. Perrie, you're at the right corner. Louis, you're next to her. Harry, you're next to Louis, and Nick, you're at the left corner. I hope this is okay for you all," he smiled gently.

I swallowed, looking up to see that Harry was clenching his jaw. He wasn't looking at me, though. Instead, he was staring at his seat as if it had been cast under a spell. A few seconds later, he walked over to it without uttering a word, turning his body away from my seat.

I bit my lip at the sight, glancing at Patrick only to see that he was looking at Harry. With a sigh, he crossed his arms over his chest. "I know this - the entire show - is going to put some of you to test, but you have to remind yourselves that you agreed to do this. Therefore, I suggest you make the best out of the situation, alright?"

Looking back at Harry who muttered something under his breath before nodding, I mumbled a quiet 'yes'. Perrie and Nick did too, which caused a satisfied smile to form on Patrick's lips. "Thank you."

After that, the rest of us joined Harry at the table to take our seats. It didn't take long until I noticed that the hard material of the chair was practically digging into my bum, though. What kind of chair was this?

Knitting my eyebrows, I raised a hand. Patrick noticed this and gave me a curious glance. "What, Louis?"

I fidgeted in my seat with a grimace on my face. "Umm, you don't happen to have a pillow or something? The chair's practically digging into my arse," I grumbled.

Harry let out a scoff next to me, making my head snap to him because this was the first time he even acknowledged my existence since we arrived, apart from the once over he did. Meanwhile, Nick let out a loud laugh. "Someone's been going at it a little too hard?" He cackled, making me shoot him a glare.

Although I was busy staring at Nick, I was pretty sure I could see Harry clench his jaw at his friend's words. I didn't look twice to make sure of it, though. "It's got nothing to do with that. Can't a fucking guy just have a sensitive butt?" I huffed.

He rolled his eyes in amusement. "Didn't think anyone wanted you anyway," he smirked, and if it weren't for the fact that Perrie grabbed hold of my arm, I would have pounced on him.

"Dickhead."

"Alright, I'll go check if we have a pillow for you, Louis. And just so you all know, the first contestant will show up in ten minutes. I hope you know that you can't act like that then," Patrick said bitterly, his gaze flickering between me and Nick.

I shot Nick another glare before slumping back into my seat and nodding my head. Not long after that, Patrick returned with a grey pillow, and I placed it under my bum, instantly feeling more comfortable.

Patrick told us to go backstage when the arena started filling up with people. While Nick and Harry went away to God knows where, I spent the next twenty minutes catching up with Perrie. It turned out I had missed a lot since I last saw her, so it was very nice to speak with her again.

"Guys, you're on in three," the cameraman suddenly told us, and when I turned around, I noticed that Harry and Nick were back.

Harry had yet to meet my gaze. We hadn't made eye contact since we came here a few hours ago. Not that I cared. I was going to try my very best to stay away from him, even if I would have to be civil towards him at some points. And making eye contact wouldn't be necessary. Even if I would never have those green eyes looking into my blue ones again, I would manage just fine.

"You're on!"

Chapter Text

The second we walked onto the stage, the crowd erupted in applause and loud cheers. We all acknowledged them with a raise of a hand before sitting down in our seats at the judges' table. We each had a glass of water placed in front of us along with a notebook and pen so that we could write down stuff if we wanted to.

The best part about the audition was that it wasn't live. It was always prerecorded. So, if we were to mess things up sometime during this journey, it would have to be now. I was pretty sure Patrick would be more than happy if we didn't mess things up anytime, though.

"Hello, and welcome to this year's edition of the X Factor!" Dermot called out through the arena. He was now standing on the stage, wearing a navy blue suit with a microphone in front of his mouth. "If you didn't already know, this year's judges are Nick Grimshaw, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson and Perrie Edwards."

We all took turns to look up and smile towards the camera at the mention of our names.

"Alright, let's kick this off with our first contestant." With that said, he walked off the stage and behind the scenes where the first contestant was most likely waiting with their family to go on stage.

The first person who showed up was a teenage guy - most likely not older than eighteen - with long brown locks and brown eyes. The sight made my heart twist in my chest because it reminded me so much of myself. Not that our features were particularly alike, but I was the same age as him when I auditioned for the X Factor back in 2010, and I was definitely just as nervous as he seemed to be.

Feeling a lot of empathy for the boy, I decided to speak up, "Hi there, what's your name?" I asked gently, smiling at the boy.

He met my gaze, the corners of his lips twitching. "I'm Frankie," he replied, and you could see how much his hand was shaking due to the hard grip he had on the microphone.

"What a lovely name. Where are you from?" I continued, trying my best to make him ease up.

He inhaled a large breath before opening his mouth. "I'm from Oxford."

I tilted my head to the side. "That's not very far from here. So, what are you going to sing for us today?" I questioned, supporting my head with a hand under my chin while my elbow was on the table.

"Uhm, I'm going to sing Grenade by Bruno Mars."

The muscles in my body instantly tensed. That was one of the first songs we had sung together in the band, during the X Factor live tour, and I remembered how Harry and I hadn't been able to look away from each other whenever we sang it.

Swallowing, I plastered a smile on my lips. "Alright, good luck."

The second Frankie started singing, I tried focusing on his voice and singing capability, but I couldn't. All I could think about was memories of myself standing on that same stage eight years ago and when the band was formed. I thought of the way I hadn't even hesitated to throw myself into Harry's arms without barely knowing him when they told us we had gone through to the judges' houses. We had only talked twice before that, but I felt a connection between us when I first laid eyes on him. Therefore, it only felt right to jump into his arms because if we were going to be in the same band, it meant that I would be spending more time with him.

These were memories that would live with me forever no matter what, and I wondered if they were crossing Harry's mind now too and if they meant something to him. Probably not.

Even though I hadn't been following him over the years, I knew that he had been in at least one relationship after we were together, so I was pretty sure I didn't matter to him anymore. He had been with other people after me that were probably more important to him. This fact probably shouldn't hurt, but it did.

I managed to catch the last part of Frankie's performance, and he was good. There was no denying it. Even if he was nervous, it didn't show in his voice, and the second he stopped singing, he seemed much more confident than he did when he first stepped onto the stage. One of the reasons was probably because the crowd behind us was standing up and giving him a round of applause.

"Wow, what an amazing voice you've got there," Perrie complimented him, being the first one to speak up.

Frankie smiled at her. "Thank you."

I nodded. "I agree with Perrie. If I'm being honest, you remind me of myself when I was in the same position as you eight years ago. I was nervous too, but all you have to do is believe in yourself because I'm sure you're going to get far with that amazing voice."

The smile never left the boy's face. "That means so much coming from you, thank you."

With a nod, I flashed him a grin. Harry was the next one to speak up, and his deep voice yet again affected me in a way it shouldn't. "Both of my colleagues here are right. With a little boost of confidence, I'm sure you're going to make it far too. Great job," he complimented Frankie before turning to Nick.

"I'm not about to disagree either. It's a yes from me," Nick said.

"Yes," Harry continued.

"Yes," I smiled.

"You've got four yeses, Frankie," Perrie finished, making the crowd erupt in a new round of applause and cheers.

Frankie thanked us one more time before leaving the stage with a massive smile on his face. "Good start," Nick said with pursed lips.

"Definitely. I'm sure we'll see a lot more of him in the competition," Harry agreed, reaching out to grab the glass of water in front of him and taking a sip of it.

After that, everything went pretty smoothly. Neither of us picked up a fight with anyone. Instead, we actually agreed on most things. Of course, we didn't agree that a particular contestant should go through a few times, but it never led to anything huge. It wasn't like we could have the same opinion on everyone.

Harry and I didn't acknowledge each other once the entire day that we sat there, watching contestant after contestant perform on the stage, but I was pretty sure that was for the best. I was positive nice things wouldn't escape either of our mouths if we were to talk. Besides, no one seemed to have a problem that we weren't speaking to each other anyway, so the day probably went better than many people in the production had first thought.

The second we were told to leave the arena, we all got up from our seats and headed backstage after saying goodbye to the dispersing crowd. It turned out Patrick was waiting for us, seeing as we were greeted with a giant smile when we got there. "That went amazing. I can already tell this is going to be a great season," he said, giving each of us a pat on the shoulder.

We sat down on a couch nearby, and I ran a hand through my hair. "So, what's the plan now? Where are we heading next?" I asked, focusing on Patrick who was standing in front of us.

He was holding a bunch of papers which he started handing out to us. "This is the schedule. We're leaving for Cardiff in two days, so that is when the journey will actually begin. Before that, we have booked a table at an Italian restaurant tomorrow. It's for all of us to get to know each other better," he explained.

I swallowed as I looked down at the piece of paper in my hands.

London - 3rd of May

Cardiff - 5th of May

Birmingham - 8th of May

Liverpool - 9th of May

Manchester - 10th of May

Leeds - 12th of May

Newcastle - 14th of May

Glasgow - 16th of May

Dublin - 18th of May

"Do you have any questions?" Patrick asked, and I could see Harry furrowing his brows as he stared at his paper.

"So, we're going to be finished with the audition tour in two weeks? When are we going back to do Bootcamp?" He asked.

The older man smiled gently at the curly-haired guy. "On the 30th of May. After that, judges' houses are supposed to be sometime between the 10th of June and 30th of June, and the live shows will begin on the 1st of September. There will be more information about that later on."

Harry gave him a nod before looking back at the paper in his hands. Meanwhile, Patrick clapped his hands together. "Alright then. You are now allowed to go wherever you want. It's been a long day, hasn't it?"

We all hummed in reply before getting up from the couch to walk back to the dressing room since our outdoor clothing was there. Everyone was quiet, no one so much as saying a word. It wasn't until we entered the room that Perrie broke the silence, "I don't know about you, guys, but I think today was a lot of fun," she said, her gaze flickering between all three of us.

Harry was shrugging on the black coat he'd been holding in his hands when he first arrived this noon while Nick didn't have a jacket with him. He must have only come with us because the rest of us were going here.

"I agree," I replied, looking back at her. "I hope the other cities are going to deliver just as well as London, and I definitely don't doubt they will."

She flashed me a smile while nodding. Nick pursed his lips and straightened his collar. "I bet it's going to be an amazing journey," he agreed, catching me by surprise. I thought he would mock me just like he always did.

Harry only hummed as he fumbled with the end of his coat sleeve. Perrie acknowledged this and pulled her eyebrows together. "Aren't you excited about the show, Harry?" She asked.

He looked up at her quickly before turning his gaze to me. It only lasted for a second until he was focusing on her again. "Of course I am," he frowned. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Perrie rolled her eyes. "Your body language is kind of saying the opposite. Besides, you didn't really answer the question."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "So I have to answer a question for you to believe that I'm excited?" He snapped.

She looked a bit offended by his reply, and I couldn't blame her. This was not the same Harry I had always known. The Harry I knew would never snap at anyone like that, at least not without apologizing dearly afterward.

Perrie opened her mouth to reply, but nothing escaped her lips, so I decided to step in without really knowing what I was doing. "Lay off her. She didn't say anything wrong," I muttered, my face in a scowl.

Harry snapped his head to me, and if looks could kill, I would be dead. "Don't you fucking say a word to me, alright?"

I didn't know if I was supposed to be shocked by his reply or if I should be angry, but my body settled for something in between. I could feel my hands clench into fists at my sides, but at the same time, I couldn't form a word.

"Alright, I think that's enough for today. See you tomorrow at the restaurant," Nick said, grabbing hold of Harry's bicep before pulling him towards the exits.

They were gone before I had even time to blink, and I could only stare at the door they had just walked out through. Perrie was silent beside me, staring at the door too. Eventually, she was the one who broke the silence, "You didn't have to do that, Louis," she sighed.

I pulled my eyebrows together, turning to meet her gaze. "What? He was being an ass to you. One of us had to do something," I objected.

She pursed her lips. "But maybe it shouldn't have been you. I don't know what happened between you guys, but it's obvious that you don't get along, so maybe you should try to stay away from each other the best you can. I mean, if that's the only way for you to be civil," she shrugged, biting her bottom lip.

I ran my hands over my face, squeezing my eyes shut before opening them again. "Yes, I know, but I couldn't just watch him talk to you like that. I could never do that to someone I care about."

She tilted her head to the side, a small smile playing on her lips. "Thank you, Louis. And I'm not saying I'm not happy you stood up for me, but if that's the way he reacts to you talking to him, then maybe you should avoid it, at least for a little while."

I shook my head, a humorless laugh escaping my lips. "That won't be a problem. I'd rather avoid talking to him anyway."

Perrie was quiet for a while then, just looking at me in a way saying she was thinking about something. "I'm honestly a bit surprised by what he did. The way he snapped at me like that, I mean. It's not like him to do that. I've always seen him as someone who treats people like an angel," she mumbled thoughtfully.

I looked down at the floor while running a hand through my feathery hair. "He does. I mean, at least he always used to. The tone he was using with you surprised me as well," I frowned.

She nodded, smiling faintly at me. Neither of us said anything else about the topic. If she had an idea what the reason behind his actions was, she didn't tell me about it. Instead, we left the building once I had shrugged on my Adidas jacket and Perrie her coat.

Once we were outside in the gloomy weather, we started walking towards the parking lot. But before we could reach it, we heard voices chanting our names from afar. Both my and Perrie's eyes widened in realization, and we exchanged a look before turning in the direction of the sound. A few girls were heading towards us with exciting smiles on their faces.

"Louis, Perrie!"

They caught up with us within a few seconds, handing us pieces of paper and pens and asking us if we could sign them. "How are you feeling about being judges of the X Factor this year?" One of them wondered while we signed their papers.

"It feels great. We're all very excited about it," Perrie replied, flashing the girl a smile.

Another one with brown hair and chocolate brown eyes turned to me, her eyes lightening up. "I love you so much, Louis, and the other boys too," she gushed. "You're such an amazing human being."

"Thank you, love," I smiled, leaning in to give her a hug.

She let out a loud gasp, reaching up to cover her mouth with her hand. "Oh my God," she breathed, trying to control her breathing.

Another girl with long, black hair took a step forward. "How is it to work with Harry again? Are you still close?" She asked, looking at me with hope in her eyes.

I could feel myself swallowing, and I tried my best to form a genuine smile. "Uh, yeah. It's been a while since we last saw each other, so it's really nice," I lied.

I hated lying, and I was pretty sure I was shit at it too. The thing was, Harry had always been even worse at it, so I had always been the one to reply to every question about us in interviews in the past. Both of us had been scolded numerous times for not being good enough at lying, but we got a little better over the years. Being media-trained for ten years taught you a few things at least. For example, how to dodge a question you didn't want to answer.

The girl seemed satisfied with my answer, judging from the way a huge smile made its way to her lips. "I'm so happy that you're both doing this. I can't wait for the show to start," she said in awe.

My lips twitched at her words. "I can't wait either," I told her honestly, being thankful that I didn't have to lie about everything I told her.

Once they had all gotten a signed piece of paper and exchanged a few words with me and Perrie, they left us. Perrie turned to me with raised eyebrows the second they were out of sight and tilted her head to the side. "So you're suddenly enjoying the fact that you're working with Harry again, huh?" She joked with a glint of amusement in her eyes.

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "I couldn't exactly tell her the truth. She would have been devastated," I grimaced.

"Yeah, I know. You did what you had to do," she said, flashing me a small smile.

After that, we headed to our separate cars that were coincidentally parked very close to each other. "See you tomorrow at the restaurant, yeah?" I questioned, looking over at her with my hand on the door handle of my Audi.

She nodded. "Of course. It was nice catching up with you today. I bet this is going to be an amazing few months despite the circumstances."

"Yeah," I mumbled, staring at the roof of my car. "I hope so."

Chapter Text

It was a sunny Monday afternoon in July 2015. I was out on a walk in London, wearing a cap and sunglasses in hopes of not being recognized by anyone. However, it wasn't just any walk I was out on. I had a destination in mind.

We were currently on a small break from our tour, so I thought this was the perfect opportunity to do what I'd been thinking of doing for a couple of months now. Unfortunately, I hadn't found the right opportunity yet, too busy writing songs and touring. Besides, I had to do it at the right time, when the paparazzi and fans wouldn't see me because otherwise, I would be ruining everything.

I checked my surroundings now and then to ensure that I wasn't being followed or recognized by anyone as I walked along the street. Five minutes later, I finally caught sight of the shop I was heading to, and I quickly walked the last few steps to the door, checking one last time to make sure that no one was following me before entering the boutique.

Thankfully, there were no customers, so I decided to take off my sunglasses and reveal my eyes. I instantly heard the sound of someone inhaling a deep breath, and when I looked over to the checkout counter, I could see a woman in her fifties with brown, greyish hair and blue eyes standing with a hand over her mouth, her eyes wide open as she stared at me.

Clearing my throat, I flashed her a smile. "Hi," I greeted, showing off my teeth.

"Hello," she replied, and I could see that she mentally reminded herself to stay professional. "I'm sorry. I didn't expect you out of all people to show up. My uh... my children are big fans," she apologized.

I waved a hand in dismissal. "Don't worry about it. Actually, I was wondering if you could help me out? I need some advice."

Her mouth formed the shape of an 'o', and she didn't hesitate to walk around the counter to stroll over to me. "Of course. What are you looking for?" She asked, a curious glint in her eyes.

"A ring," I explained. "An engagement ring."

-----

The memory, which was also now a dream, went on repeat in my head as I sat in the backseat of the cab that was currently taking me to the Italian restaurant Patrick had texted me about earlier today. I had bought a ring shaped like a rose that afternoon two years ago, thinking I would give it to Harry when I proposed to him. Unfortunately, that never happened because, on that same day, I had received a call from Simon where he told me that he wanted to sign a new contract with me.

Everything about my and Harry's relationship had gone downhill after that, and the ring stayed hidden in its case under a pile of t-shirts in my closet until the day I moved out a few months later. And not once since I bought it had I found the willpower to open it and look at it, not even now when I lived on my own, and the case was still hidden under a pile of clothes in my closet.

It was my fault, though. I was blind and stupid. I didn't know what I was doing anymore, and all those words suddenly felt so real. But I wasn't the only one to blame. There was a reason I didn't want to look at Harry again after that evening back in October. Even if my words most likely hurt him, his felt like a stab in the heart. I had never been so hurt in my entire life as I was that day.

"Mr. Tomlinson, we have reached your destination," the driver announced, making me snap back to reality.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Thanks for the ride," I said, reaching over to blip my card against his card terminal.

"No problem. Have a nice evening," the man replied, looking into the rearview mirror to flash me a polite smile.

"You too," I smiled back before opening the door and getting out of the car.

The weather wasn't any better today. In fact, it was even worse because the rain was pouring down the grey sky, leaving a layer of water on the ground. It made me let out a deep sigh, but I tried not to think about it as I pulled the hood of my jacket over my head and started making my way to the entrance of the restaurant.

Thankfully, no journalists had been told that we would be eating at this restaurant tonight, so there were no flashing lights or cameras shoved in my face as I walked to the door. I pulled it open and entered the place, instantly being hit by warmth and calmness, something I preferred over anything else. The place also radiated a feeling of poshness, but I didn't really care as long as they served good food and were polite.

I instantly spotted Patrick and a few other people in the crew with Perrie at a table in one of the corners. Pulling the hood of my jacket off my head, I walked over to them, sitting down on the empty chair beside Perrie and across from Patrick.

"I'm glad you could make it, Louis. It's nice to see you again," Patrick greeted, the corners of his lips twitching into a gentle smile.

"Likewise. I didn't see a reason not to come," I replied, returning the smile.

I then turned to Perrie, who was already looking at me intently. Raising my eyebrows at her in wonder, she pursed her lips. "Harry and Nick are running late again," she informed, making me want to roll my eyes. I wasn't surprised. Not that Harry was usually one to arrive late, but many things were different about him these days, so if he arrived late yesterday, he would probably do so again.

Neither was I surprised about the fact that when they eventually did show up five minutes later, it was together. They seemed to be closer than they'd ever been. It was almost as if they were attached at the hip. If you saw one of them, you saw the other one too. And just like so many other things about Harry, this shouldn't affect me anymore, but he had been my boyfriend two years ago, and I hadn't seen him since then, so the burning feeling under my skin that erupted upon seeing them together was there even if I didn't want it to be.

"Harry, Nick, take a seat," Patrick suggested, motioning to the two empty seats next to him.

Harry was wearing another suit today. This one was of an eye-catching purple, making it impossible to look away from him. I was pretty sure this man was one of very few who could pull it off the way he did too. Maybe it was because of the attraction I'd had to him, but either way, I almost found myself gaping at him, and it didn't make matters better when his left dimple suddenly popped due to his lips twitching while greeting another man in the crew.

Harry and Nick eventually did as Patrick asked and sat down, neither of them sparing me a glance as they greeted Perrie and a few other people in the crew. I pulled myself out of my trance and pursed my lips at the fact.

A few minutes later, two waiters walked over to us with a couple of menus. One of them was a guy in his thirties, and the other was a girl in her twenties. "We'll be back in a few minutes to take your orders," the man with short, brown hair informed us before leaving with the girl.

I opened the menu and read under the line of main courses; Pasta Bolognese, Pasta Alfredo, Pasta Pomodoro, Pasta ai Funghi, Pasta Carbonara, Pizza Margherita, Pizza Marinara, Pizza Crudo, Pizza Calzone, Risotto ai Funghi and Risotto al Pomodoro. It wasn't easy to decide because I loved all three of the different foods.

"What are you going with?" Perrie asked me in a hushed tone, gaining my attention.

I pursed my lips, shrugging my shoulders. "I don't know, but I'm leaning towards one of the pasta dishes," I replied. "What about you?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm in the mood for pasta too," she agreed.

When the waiters came back to take our orders, I had settled with Pasta Carbonara and a large pint of beer. They walked around the table, writing down everyone's order until they left, just like they had done earlier. I followed them both with my gaze as they walked away before turning back to face forward. When I did, I could feel that someone was staring at me, and this someone was the person that somehow still made my body react in a way it definitely shouldn't.

Feeling my heart flutter in my chest, I turned to meet his eyes. His green irises only watched me for a few seconds until he averted his gaze, turning to start talking to Nick instead. I bit my bottom lip and let out a sigh.

While we waited for the food to arrive, I exchanged a few words with Perrie, and I noticed that Logan, the guy I had met when I arrived at the building yesterday, was sitting just a few seats away from us. My mouth formed the shape of an 'o' as I looked at him, not realizing he would be here. I didn't think he was that far up in the crew for some reason.

"Oi, you're the man I met yesterday. Logan, isn't it?" I asked, earning the brown-haired man's attention.

His eyes widened in surprise, and a smile instantly formed on his lips. "Yes, that's correct. I didn't think you'd remember," he chuckled.

I waved a hand in the air. "Please, my memory's not that bad," I said. "Besides, it's nice to see another familiar face here. It almost feels like a bunch of strangers surrounds me."

"It'll get better, I promise. You'll know all of us in a matter of weeks. I'm a big fan, by the way," he smiled.

"Yeah, I could tell," I smirked, referring to the way he had reacted upon seeing me yesterday.

He jokingly hid his face behind his hands. "Now I'm embarrassed," he laughed, dropping his hands again. I could see that his cheeks were tinted a rosy red, though.

I tilted my head to the side, my lips twitching. "I'm flattered."

"Great," he smiled. "You should be."

I could suddenly feel a nudge in my side, and when I turned to Perrie questioningly, she leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Someone's not very pleased that you're flirting with that man."

Knitting my eyebrows, I looked up to see that Harry was staring at me again. However, he was more glaring at me than anything this time. I had to say that I was a bit surprised because I had literally just been talking to this man. 

I couldn't look at him for more than five seconds, feeling too uncomfortable under his gaze to do so. Swallowing, I turned back to Perrie, my eyebrows still in a deep frown. "I wasn't even flirting," I muttered, making her chuckle.

"Well, he obviously thinks so."

Right then, the food arrived, and we all started digging into our separate dishes. I could tell why Patrick had chosen this restaurant in particular because the food was delicious. It had been a long time since I tasted a Pasta Carbonara this good.

I mostly chatted with Patrick and Perrie during the meal, not wanting to receive another look for talking to Logan. Harry wasn't the reason I didn't exchange more words with him, though. We just didn't speak for other reasons. Besides, I hadn't been flirting, and even if it seemed like that in other people's eyes, it wasn't intended.

When everyone finished eating, I excused myself to the toilets even though the bathroom wasn't the destination I had in mind. I was planning to go outside to have a smoke. The only problem was that I couldn't go to the main door because I was sure people had started catching up on the fact that everyone working for the X Factor was here now, so the entrance was probably swarmed with paparazzi and fans.

I walked towards the bathroom, searching for a backdoor, praying that there was one. Thankfully, I found one next to the said room, so I didn't hesitate to turn the handle and step outside.

It had finally stopped raining now, so I didn't have to think about getting wet as I fished my cigarette pack from the back pocket of my black jeans. I had the lighter in my hand already, having grabbed it from my jacket before heading here.

Lightening one of the cigs, I brought it to my mouth and inhaled a large puff, feeling the smoke making its way down my lungs. Instantly feeling myself relax, I let out a deep sigh, running a hand through my feathery hair.

Before I could inhale another puff, the sound of the door opening behind me was heard, making me almost jump because I had not expected anyone to join me. What surprised me even more was that Harry out of all people was the one who had followed me, his brown curls and purple suit coming into view.

I tried to compose myself as he closed the door behind him and stopped right beside me. He wasn't looking at me, though. Instead, he was staring into the distance, towards the parking lot that was right in front of us. "Flirting with the crew now, I see. You think that will be to any advantage?" He asked monotonously, still not looking at me.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I swallowed. "So it's okay for me to talk to you now, huh?" I retorted, ignoring his question. What he asked me was nothing but stupid anyway.

"Oh, sod off."

I turned my entire body towards him with a hand on my hip while bringing the other one to inhale another puff of smoke. "Did you follow me here? Because I'm pretty sure I said I was going to the bathroom."

Harry clenched his jaw as he shook his head. "How do you know I haven't started smoking?" He asked, his voice still sounding emotionless.

I let out a snort. "As if you'd ever do that. You always hated the fact that I do, so I highly doubt it."

He extended his hand to me, and I just stared at it in confusion until he explained himself. "Give me one."

Looking up into his irises, I narrowed my eyes. Was he joking with me? Judging by the look on his face, he was being dead serious, but if he seriously thought I was going to hand him a cigarette, he must be stupid. "No."

He was now staring at me too, his green eyes boring into my own. "Why the fuck not?"

I ignored his harsh tone, turning my gaze to my feet before looking back up at him, my eyebrows furrowed. "You've changed," I muttered, averting my gaze again.

Harry let out a scoff. "Yeah? Well, I can't say the same thing about you."

With that said, he turned on his heel and went back inside, slamming the door shut behind him as he did so. The noise made me almost squeeze my eyes closed. Damn.

I wasn't lying when I said that he had changed. Not only had he shown it yesterday when he used that harsh tone with Perrie, but he had shown it today as well. He never arrived late back in the days, and he never showed this arrogant side when talking to people. Now, I might be an exception since we weren't on the best terms, but anyway.

Finishing my cigarette, I dropped the butt to the ground before putting it out with my foot. Even if it wasn't raining anymore, it was still chilly outside, so I walked back inside as soon as I was finished and headed back to the table.

Everyone was talking more freely to each other now. Some of them had even switched seats to talk to other people. I instantly noticed that Harry was one of them, the seat next to Nick being empty. I squinted my eyes as I searched the table for him, eventually finding him next to a brunette girl that seemed to be a few years younger than himself.

I sat down in my seat again, sadly noticing that he was sitting too close for my liking. Deciding not to pay him more attention, I turned to Perrie who had been talking to Nick. "Did anyone else leave the table earlier when I did?" I asked her, already knowing that Harry did, but I wanted to know if anyone else did too.

She pursed her lips, nodding. "Yeah, there were quite a few people who went to the bathroom. Why?" She wondered, seeming a bit confused about my question.

Shrugging my shoulders, I averted my gaze. "I was just wondering," I mumbled. That meant no one should have noticed that Harry followed me to the back door, and that was a good thing. The fewer people who knew we had been talking, the better.

I was suddenly snapped out of my thoughts by a loud, familiar laugh that I recognized too well. The sound sent an electric shock through my body, and I found myself tensing in my seat. Slowly following the source of the sound, I swallowed at the sight in front of me.

Harry had his head thrown back as he laughed at something the girl said while gently clutching her bicep. Meanwhile, the girl smiled at him in adoration, her eyes glinting with joy. So much for blaming me for flirting with the crew. Was he trying to prove some kind of point?

Suddenly feeling sick to my stomach, I reached out to gulp down the remains of my beer before getting up from my seat. "I think that's enough for this evening. I'm feeling a bit tired, and I don't want to be a sleepy wreck tomorrow when we're going to Cardiff. Have a great night," I said to Perrie, who looked nothing but confused.

"Wait, Louis. Are you just going to leave?" She asked, her face in a scowl.

"Yeah," I replied, grimacing. "I'm just going to say bye to Patrick."

She nodded slowly before turning back to continue talking to Nick. Meanwhile, I rounded the table, making sure not to look at my ex as I tapped Patrick on the shoulder. He turned around immediately, a smile gracing his lips. "Louis."

"Yeah, uh, I'm a bit tired. I didn't get too much sleep last night, so I'm heading home. I hope I'm not ruining anything," I apologized, but he just shook his head, the smile remaining on his lips.

"Of course not. You're free to leave whenever you want to. See you tomorrow then, yeah?"

I nodded. "Yes, of course. Have a good night," I said.

"You too, Louis," he replied, sending me a smile as I started backing away from him.

The last thing I saw before turning around completely was how Harry wrapped his arm around the girl while his gaze turned to meet mine momentarily. His face showed no emotion whatsoever as he turned back to the girl, pretending that he hadn't just seen me.

It was crazy that so much had changed in only two years.

Chapter Text

I woke up the next day by the sound of the alarm going off and quickly reached over to turn it off while letting out a deep groan. Why did I even turn on the alarm in the first place?

Right, we were going to Cardiff today.

Letting out another groan, I ran my hands over my face. I was not looking forward to spending yet another day with Harry. Last evening at the restaurant had almost been too much for me to handle. I hadn't expected him to talk to me, let alone confront me about flirting with some man. And I definitely hadn't expected him to do the same thing with a girl in the crew just a few minutes later just to prove a point.

As mentioned before, I hadn't even been flirting with Logan intentionally. I talked to him because I recognized him from the day before, so there wasn't a 'reason' behind my doings, as Harry had made it sound like. What advantage could I possibly get out of doing that anyway?

Shaking my head in exasperation, I sat up on the bed, running a hand through my tousled brown hair. It was only eight in the morning, which was way too early for me. I usually didn't wake up until a minute before ten.

Collecting all my willpower, I got up from the bed and walked over to my closet, opening the white doors to reveal my clothes. Most of them were Adidas, but I also owned a few other brands, such as Vans, Umbro, Fred Perry and Fila. Eventually, I picked out a white, black and grey Fila hoodie with a matching pair of joggers.

Once I was dressed, I was just about to shut the closet door when I suddenly remembered the dream I had last night. Feeling every muscle in my body tense, I swallowed. My heart started thumping as I hesitantly reached forward.

Should I do this?

It had been almost three years since I last looked at it, and I had promised myself never to do it again. If I were honest, I should probably get rid of it since the proposal would never happen, and if I ever decided to propose to someone else, I couldn't use this ring. It was meant for Harry. It was a symbol of our complimentary tattoos. I had the dagger, and he had the rose.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed by the situation, I hesitated and brought my hand back to my side. It was probably not a promising idea. I would only be reminded of the time where I had been so sure that it was going to be me and him forever.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled a deep breath before I decided to fuck it and reached out to lift the pair of t-shirts I knew I had hidden the case under anyway. And there it was, the navy-blue case that I hadn't seen since I moved into this house two years ago. Grabbing it with shaky hands, I brought it closer before slowly opening the lid.

My heart almost beat out of my chest as the silver ring shaped like a rose came into view, making me let out a shaky breath.

Fuck. This was a bad idea, probably the worst one I had ever come up with. What did I think would happen? That I would be able to look at it without feeling anything? I was such an idiot.

Closing my eyes, I snapped the lid shut again and quickly placed it back under the pile of t-shirts. I closed the doors of my closet before turning around to lean my entire body against it while running my hands over my face. It wasn't even eight-thirty in the morning yet, and I was already feeling close to tears.

No, I wouldn't let myself get affected by this. It had been two years, two years since I fucked everything up, since Harry fucked everything up. This was most likely meant to happen. We just weren't meant to be, and that was why everything had taken place at the time I had thought of proposing to him.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of my phone ringing on my nightstand. Dropping my hands from my face, I walked over to it with a frown between my brows, wondering who was calling me. The second I saw the caller ID, I realized that time had flown by, and I was starting to run late. Shit.

"Hey, Lottie," I greeted, bringing the phone to my ear as I walked out of my room.

"Hi, Lou. How are you doing?" She asked warily. I knew she was worried about how things had turned out these past few days.

Entering the kitchen, I grabbed the groceries I needed to make a cheese sandwich. "Apart from the fact that I'm beginning to run late... it's alright."

She was quiet for a while before she asked, "What happened?"

I closed my eyes, letting out a sigh. I hated that she could read me so well. "Nothing happened. I just had to see my ex again after two years," I mumbled, my phone pressed between my ear and shoulder as I spread butter on my sandwich.

"See, I told you this was a bad idea. I knew this wouldn't be good for you," she muttered.

Biting my bottom lip, I knitted my eyebrows. "It's not like that. He's just... I just don't recognize him anymore. He snapped at Perrie the other day, and you know just as well as me that he would never do that to someone without apologizing," I explained.

Lottie let out a hum as I put two cheese slices on my sandwich. "You don't think it's because of you? That you being there is what makes him act that way? I mean, you two ended it on a bad note..." She trailed off. "How did he react upon seeing you?"

Taking a big gulp of milk from the package in the fridge, I inhaled a deep breath. "He ignored me at first, then he snapped at me for talking to him, but he confronted me yesterday. He was still quite arrogant, though," I explained.

"And he doesn't act the same way to other people apart from that time with Perrie?"

You could hear how deeply she was thinking about this. It was so typical of her to play detective. But now that I thought about it, he hadn't been very arrogant to other people. He had been nice to every person he had talked to in the crew, and he had also been kind to every contestant. So maybe it did have something to do with me.

"Fuck, you might be right," I muttered, running a hand through my hair. "It's not just that, though. He's caught up with habits he never had before as well."

She hummed thoughtfully. "I'm not trying to defend him, but I'm pretty sure he can't possibly be the exact same person he was two years ago, Lou. There's no way he hasn't caught up with new habits," she reasoned. "How did you react upon seeing him then?"

Letting out a humorless laugh, I shook my head. "I don't want to think about it, to be honest. I'd just like to stay as far away from him as possible, but it's not exactly easy considering the circumstances."

She sighed, probably understanding that I wouldn't answer her question fully. "Alright, Lou. I know you want to keep everything that has to do with him to yourself, and I accept that decision. I just want you to know that you can talk to me if you ever want to let everything out to someone, okay?"

"I know," I said quietly.

"You tell me whenever you're ready. And until then, be careful and have patience. I know you say that you hate him and that you want to stay far away from him, but we both know that's not what your heart wants."

I let out a scoff. "You don't even know what happened between us."

"No," she agreed carefully. "But I do know you, and I can tell it's the truth."

"Whatever," I muttered. "I have to go now. The cab will be here any minute."

She let out a sigh on the other end. "Alright, Lou. Take care. You know I love you, right?"

A small smile made its way to my lips as I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "Yeah, of course. I love you too, Lots."

With that said, we ended the call, and I brought the cheese sandwich to my mouth in a swift moment, knowing I would have to finish it quickly if I didn't want to leave with it in my hand or stuffed in my mouth.

Thankfully, I had already packed my suitcase before I went to the restaurant yesterday, so it was waiting for me in the doorway along with my baby blue pillow. During all three world tours I had done with One Direction, I always brought my own pillow. I just couldn't sleep on some uncomfortable thing that would either be too puffy or too thin. My own pillow was the only one that worked.

The second I had swallowed the last bite of my sandwich, the sound of a car honking was heard outside. I was making sure I had turned off all the lights and pulled out the most necessary cords when this took place, so I hurried to the hallway and shrugged on my Adidas jacket while slipping my feet into a pair of black Vans.

Before leaving the house, I grabbed my black Adidas cap, suitcase, and pillow. Thankfully, I had dropped Clifford off at Eleanor's yesterday, so I didn't need to worry about it today. I wouldn't have had time to do so anyway, considering I was already running late as it was, and waking up even earlier wasn't an option.

"Hey, I'm sorry you had to wait," I apologized to the female chauffeur in the driver's seat when I got to the cab. She seemed to be about fifty years old, with grey strands making their way out of the roots of her dark hair.

"No need to apologize. You turned up faster than what I'm used to," she smiled at me through the rearview mirror.

I let out a light chuckle. "I'm glad."

It was only a ten-minute ride to the parking lot where we were meeting up, so it didn't take long until I paid for the ride and got out of the car. I had put my suitcase and pillow in the trunk, so I grabbed them before the woman drove off, disappearing around the corner of the street.

When I turned around, I was met with six black Range Rovers and a crowd of people I assumed was part of the crew. I walked over to Perrie, who was the only person I recognized apart from Patrick. I couldn't even make out if Logan was part of the group.

The second Perrie acknowledged me, a smile formed on her lips. "Hey, Louis," she greeted.

"Morning," I replied, returning the smile. "Let me guess, Harry and Nick are running late?"

She tilted her head to the side. "You were the one saying it."

Rolling my eyes, I let go of the handle of my suitcase. Thankfully, it wasn't raining today. If it were, we would have all been drenched by now, and that was something I could definitely live without. However, it was still quite cold, so I made sure to pull the zipper of my jacket up as we waited for the rest of the people to arrive.

"So, what are the girls saying about you doing this?" I asked Perrie, who turned to look at me.

"They're happy for me, and we're currently having some time off from touring and writing, so I'm not ruining anything for the band."

I nodded, looking down at the ground. I remembered how we used to spend a lot of time with Little Mix when we were in One Direction. Not only because Zayn was dating Perrie but also because we were two groups that had been through the same thing, so we had a lot in common. I missed those times, just like I missed a lot of things from being in the band. Touring and meeting new people all the time were definitely two of those things.

"That's great."

Five minutes later, another cab pulled up at the parking lot, and both Harry and Nick emerged from it. Of course they were riding together. It wouldn't surprise me if they were actually dating and lived in the same house as well.

Mentally snorting, I watched the two get their stuff out of the trunk before walking over to us. Were those two suitcases Harry was pulling behind himself? Of fucking course. I shouldn't even be surprised anymore.

He was wearing a pair of grey joggers and a black hoodie with the name 'Columbia' on the front of it. He was also wearing a black beanie that I hadn't seen him wear since 2013.

"Sorry for being late. This asshole here takes forever to get ready," he apologized, nodding towards Nick.

Nick let out a scoff. "What? How can you even say that when you were the one who arrived ten minutes late at my place?"

Oh, so they didn't live together then. Good to know.

Harry just rolled his eyes as he turned to Patrick. "Anyway, we're sorry," he said, grimacing.

Patrick pursed his lips. "Well, I can't say I'm very surprised since you haven't arrived on time once since we all began meeting each other. Don't let it become a habit. Now, put your suitcases in the car closest to us. You're riding with me, Louis and Perrie," he informed.

It was as if Patrick didn't care about the fact that I had been close to dropping out of this entire thing due to these two men, especially one of them. It seemed like he did everything he could to bring me and Harry closer together, and I didn't like it.

Letting out a huff, I walked over to the car as well, Perrie following me close behind. We let Harry and Nick put their suitcases in the trunk first, but when Harry turned around to get into the car, his gaze stuck on me... or, more like the pillow I had stuffed under my upper arm. He didn't say anything, but the way he pulled his eyebrows together showed that he recognized it very well. We had shared it many times when we slept in the same bunk on the tour bus back in the days, so it would have surprised me if he didn't.

"Alright, Perrie, you're going to have to sit in the middle," Patrick announced.

"Why do I get the worst seat?" She huffed.

"Because you're the smallest," I teased, nudging her in the side.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "You're not exactly big yourself, Tomlinson."

"Well, I'll be in the passenger seat no matter what anyone says," Nick butted in, wasting no time to get into the said seat.

I shot a pointed look at Perrie then, wanting her to realize that she had no other choice but to sit in the middle because I was not going to sit next to Harry.

She rolled her eyes before putting her bag in the trunk and getting into the car. I followed suit, getting into the seat behind Patrick while Harry settled behind Nick. I brought my pillow with me, knowing it would be a great idea to use it during the long car ride. There was no question I would fall asleep, especially since I woke up earlier than what I was used to this morning.

The second we drove off, Nick started fumbling with the radio. "We're listening to Radio One. You have no choice," he said, making me want to scoff. Of course we were listening to the radio station he was working for. It wasn't like anyone thought we would have a choice in the first place.

We didn't say a word during the next half hour, just listened to the radio and what music it was playing. That was until one particular song came on, and you could practically touch the tension that suddenly filled the air. At this point, I had been close to falling asleep, but I felt alert as my gaze traveled from Perrie's to Nick's and finally to Harry's face.

"Just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times. Welcome to the final show, hope you're wearing your best clothes. You can't bribe the door on your way to the sky. You look-"

"Turn it off," Harry snapped, his voice as cold as ice.

I almost jumped in my seat at the sound of his voice booming through the small space in the car. This was definitely one of his songs. I could tell not only by the way he was reacting but also because I would recognize that deep singing voice everywhere.

Nick didn't hesitate to listen to his cold demand, reaching out to switch radio stations quickly. I was still staring at Harry, but I could see how Perrie was nibbling on her bottom lip through the corner of my eyes. Harry, on the other hand, didn't express any emotion at all. His face was completely blank as he stared at the back of Nick's seat, his jaw clenched.

Was it possible that the song was about me? I couldn't tell only by those few sentences, but if Harry's reaction was anything to go by, it could be.

"How about we turn on my Spotify list instead?" Patrick suggested hesitantly, sensing the tension in the air.

"Perfect idea," Perrie butted in quickly.

And that was how we ended up listening to a combination of Nickelback, Imagine Dragons, Queen and Green Day for the rest of the ride. Maybe it shouldn't have been easy to fall asleep to any of these bands' songs, but somehow, I ended up doing so anyway.

Chapter Text

The second we arrived in Cardiff, we got out of the car and checked into the hotel we were staying at, Mercure Holland House. The funny thing was that the audition was being held here as well. If I were honest, I had no idea what they were thinking when they decided that we should stay at the same hotel where the audition was because I was pretty sure a lot of people wouldn't be willing to leave the building after it was over, but I hoped the crew had thought about that possibility.

Before entering the hotel, I stayed behind to have a quick smoke. Perrie was kind enough to wait for me while three men working at the hotel took care of our bags and brought them to our separate rooms. I had already lit a cigarette and inhaled a puff of smoke when Perrie decided to speak up.

"So, Harry's song. Have you listened to it?" She asked, looking at me hesitantly as if she were afraid of what my reaction would be.

Looking at the ground, I pursed my lips. "No. I haven't listened to any of his songs," I admitted, turning my gaze back up to meet hers.

She nodded thoughtfully.

"Is... Do you know if it's about me?" I couldn't help but ask, although I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know since I don't know what you've been through, but it could be," she replied. "Can I ask why you've never listened to them?"

Furrowing my eyebrows, I brought the cigarette to my mouth. "I don't want to be reminded of him and our relationship, I guess. If he were to write a song about me, that is," I explained. "Which I doubt."

"Why is that? You two were in a relationship for five years, Louis," she frowned.

Shrugging, I looked at the street in front of me. "Reasons."

She pursed her lips, understanding that I didn't want to talk about it. "Okay, I get that you wouldn't want to listen to his music if there are songs about you, though. I wouldn't want to listen to any of Zayn's songs if they were about me either."

Letting out a dry chuckle, I put out my cigarette before tossing the butt in a nearby trash can. "Glad we're on the same page about that then."

We headed into the hotel after that. The first thing I noticed was how beautiful everything was. Every piece of furniture was snow-white, and so were the walls while the floor was of polished creamy white tiles. The lobby was quite large with at least eight couches and three flat screens where a few people were chatting.

We walked over to the desk in the left corner of the lobby, where a female receptionist was standing at the computer. The second she noticed who was standing in front of her, she told us what floor our rooms were on before both Perrie and I headed to the elevator.

The people in the lobby didn't acknowledge us as we made our way through the room, pressing the button for it to come down. "I bet all our rooms are on the same floor," I mumbled as we were inside, going up to the twentieth floor.

"Wouldn't surprise me either," Perrie agreed.

The second the elevator dinged and the doors opened, we stepped into the long hallway with rooms on each side. Walking down it, I checked the number on the doors, soon realizing that my room must be at the end of it. Since Perrie was still walking beside me, I assumed hers was as well.

"Finally," I mumbled, feeling relieved as I was standing in front of my room. Perrie's was luckily the one opposite mine.

I was just about to slide the card in the lock when the door next to mine swung open abruptly, hitting the wall with a loud bang. Nick and Harry were standing in the doorframe, ready to leave, but neither of them noticed that Perrie and I were standing right outside. "Oh, yes! We have to try that out! And the bar as well!" Nick said with excitement.

The second they walked out, their gazes flicked between us. "Oh, hi there, coworkers," Nick greeted with a smirk, giving us a 'salute' gesture.

Meanwhile, the smile that had graced Harry's lips dropped, his face turning emotionless.

"Where are you headed?" Perrie asked, raising an eyebrow at the two men.

Nick shrugged. "Harry and I thought we might as well check the place out, see what it has to offer before we have to get ready for the show. Meet you in the dressing room later, yeah?" He rushed out, glancing at Harry before walking away.

Harry followed him, intentionally or not knocking into my shoulder as he did so, not even bothering to shoot me a glance. I had barely time to comprehend what was happening until they were gone, leaving silence behind. "See you there," Perrie muttered, looking over at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"Can't believe we'll have to deal with that for more than half a year," she huffed, glaring in the direction where they disappeared.

"You're telling me."

She shot me a small, gentle smile. "See you in a bit then, Louis. I bet Patrick wants us to go down to get ready shortly."

I nodded. "Yeah, let's see what these rooms have to offer first."

-----

As expected, it wasn't long until Patrick called and told me to go down to the dressing room. In the meantime, I had tried making myself feel at home the best I could. The room was very modern, the furniture made of the same snow-white color as the ones in the lobby. There was a king-sized bed in the middle of the room, a large flat screen on the wall opposite it with a bench underneath. The walls were a creamy white, and the floor was made of dark wood, creating a feeling of coziness rather than strictness. A big window next to the bed littered the wall, the city of Cardiff being in full view. It was incredible, and I knew for sure that I wouldn't mind staying here for two nights.

It turned out the workers at the hotel had brought my suitcase to the room along with my baby blue pillow. So when I entered the room, the first thing I did was flop onto the bed with the pillow, placing it behind my head before turning on the flat screen.

That was now thirty minutes ago, and I was now struggling to find something to wear for the show. All the clothes I had packed were scattered on the floor, creating a real mess. My eyes eventually settled on a black t-shirt with a white and red logo that said 'No smile, no service' on it. That would have to do.

Along with a pair of black jeans, I got dressed in said shirt, pulling it over my head before making sure I looked alright in the mirror in the doorway. After that, I decided I was good to go, so I grabbed my phone from the bed, shoved it in my back pocket, and snatched the room card from the nightstand before heading out.

I didn't meet anyone I recognized on my way to the dressing room, and maybe that was because they were all already there, getting fixed for the show. It surprised me that I was the last one to arrive because even if it had been my role in the past, it wasn't anymore.

"Louis, we've been waiting on you," Patrick smiled, standing with his hands folded over his chest across the room.

"I didn't realize I was running late," I grimaced, sitting down on the empty chair that was waiting for me. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, no. You're right on time. It just so happens that Nick and Harry decided to be on time too for once," he chuckled, looking at the two men he had just mentioned.

The stylists got us ready during the next hour, applying makeup to our faces and styling our hair. I felt like a doll as I exited the dressing room, making my way to the audition room along with the other guys. I had definitely forgotten how it was to be on television.

Once we were all seated - my pillow already being placed on my chair, I turned my body towards Perrie while Harry turned towards Nick. It was like there was a barrier between us, separating us into two different groups. And if I were honest, I wouldn't have minded if the barrier had been visible.

When a man in the production told us that the first contestant was about to show up, we turned back in our seats, facing forward. Through the corner of my eyes, I could see Harry reaching out to grab his pen, his 'H' and 'S' rings on full display, and- Wait. Since when did he paint his nails?

Furrowing my eyebrows, I tilted my head to get a better view of his hand, clearly seeing the pink and yellow nail polish that adorned his fingernails. I could have sworn that he hadn't been wearing it two days ago. He must have gotten them done yesterday before the dinner at the restaurant.

But why? I mean, as far as I could remember, he had been embarrassed about getting his nails painted. That was why I had been there to tell him that it made him look beautiful, which it did. He could wear anything, and I would still find him the most attractive guy in the world.

Trying not to get too carried away, I blinked my eyes, looking up to find out that a woman was standing in front of us now, smiling nervously in our direction.

"What's your name, love?" Harry asked with his hand now under his chin to support his head.

"Elizabeth," she replied.

"And what song are you going to sing for us?"

"The A Team by Ed Sheeran."

"Nice choice," Harry said, pursing his lips. "Good luck."

And that was how we spent the next two hours. I tried my best not to look over at Harry's painted nails, telling myself I wasn't fascinated by them, but I knew that my eyes flicked in their direction a few times anyway. I just wanted to know why and what made him change his mind.

We had a small break after those two hours before we had to go back and do two more hours, then we would be finished for the day. The next contestant that entered the room was a teenage girl who seemed very infatuated with Harry. The way she was shaking and gasping for air upon seeing him was all proof I needed to make that assumption.

"Oh my God," she breathed, her hands in front of her mouth.

Harry flashed her a gentle smile. "What are you going to sing for us today, love?" He asked, tilting his head to the side.

She inhaled at least five deep breaths before she opened her mouth to reply. "I... I'm going to sing Halo by Beyoncé."

My eyes widened at the song choice, and judging from the way Harry's mouth formed the shape of an 'o', he seemed surprised by this as well. "Big song, that one. I wish you the best of luck," he said, sending her another smile.

After another few breaths, the girl started singing, and I didn't want to be mean, but she didn't make the song justice. Her voice wasn't bad, but it didn't have the depth that the song needed, and therefore, it didn't sound very good.

The second she stopped singing, I decided to speak up first. "I think your voice is beautiful. You have really got some talent there, but I have to say that I think you should have chosen another song. Your voice wasn't enough in the chorus. I'm sorry," I apologized, making the girl pout.

Her gaze turned to Harry, her eyes pleading for him to say something nice. But before he could utter a single word, Nick beat him to it. "Nonsense. Louis could never sing it better himself. He's just jealous that you've got a better voice than him."

Ex-fucking-cuse me?

I turned to the brunette man without hesitating, my eyes narrowing at him. "Well, at least I can fucking sing. What can you do? Talk bullshit on the radio and force everyone to listen to your crap? You, if anyone could have never sung that better," I snarled.

Nick didn't say a word to that. Instead, he muttered something under his breath while crossing his arms over his chest. Before I turned away from him, I stole a glance at Harry, and was that a hint of a smile playing on his lips? If it was, it was barely there, but just the possibility that it could be made my body tense.

When all of us had said our word, the girl left with a big smile on her face because everyone except me had voted her through.

Patrik walked over to us then, his teeth gritted. It was very unusual seeing him so uptight. He always had a smile on his face otherwise. It wasn't hard to tell he wasn't pleased about what had just taken place. "Grimshaw, you're a grown-up man. Act like it," was the only thing he said before leaving, and that was that.

-----

The two hours were soon over, and we all left the room to head to the lunchroom in the hotel to eat dinner. Surprisingly, no contestants were left in the building, so the security guards must have done a great job getting them out of here.

Thankfully, the four of us didn't eat alone but with some of the people in the crew as well. It would have been nothing but awkward otherwise because I could feel Nick glaring at me from a few seats away while Harry barely uttered a single word, which left me to believe it would have been hell without the other people there. At least Perrie seemed to be talkative.

"What do you want to do tomorrow? We've got the entire day without any plans," she asked, glancing at me through the corner of her eyes.

I pursed my lips. "Can't we just stay inside and like... watch a movie or something?"

She looked at me as if I had three eyes. "Absolutely not. We have to take advantage of a free day. We're going out shopping whether you want to or not," she said firmly.

My mouth fell open. "No fucking way. I am not going out shopping. Never in a million years," I protested.

Her lips formed a pout. "Oh, come on. Why not?"

"Because I hate shopping," I huffed. "I'm staying inside. You can't force me to come with you."

She rolled her eyes. "Should have known Harry did all the shopping, Jesus," she muttered, almost too quietly for me to hear, but I did, and I couldn't help the pang in my chest. "I'll ask Harry then. I bet he'd love to come with me," she said louder, and I understood that I wasn't supposed to hear the previous sentence. Too bad I did.

"Do whatever you please," I muttered.

When we had all finished eating and chatted for a while, we decided to call it a day and headed up to our rooms. It was ten in the evening, and even if I shouldn't be exhausted already, I was. My eyelids were so heavy that I could feel myself almost falling asleep in the elevator on our way up to the rooms.

"Goodnight, people. See you tomorrow," Perrie said, opening the opposite door of mine.

It wasn't until then I noticed that Harry's room was next to mine and not Nick's. For some reason, that possibility hadn't crossed my mind, but of fucking course. I definitely shouldn't be surprised by now.

Nick's room was a few doors down the hallway, so he left without so much as a glance at us, and Harry disappeared into his room too, his door closing with a silent 'click'. I entered my room with a deep yawn, letting my body fall on the soft mattress of the bed, face first.

A few seconds passed by, and I couldn't bring myself to get up to get undressed. It felt so energy demanding that I would rather fall asleep with my clothes on, and judging by that, I could tell I was going to sleep very deeply tonight.

I could feel myself slowly drifting away when the sound of water running in a shower was heard.

"Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight. Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away?!"

My eyes sprang open.

"Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight. Take me through the darkness to the break of the day!"

Harry fucking Styles. Singing in the shower. At ten in the evening. Did he have any decency at all? Or was he so far up his ass that he didn't care about other people?

When the singing didn't stop, and it felt like a hammer was constantly banging my head, I got up from the bed, my legs wobbling from how tired I was. If it weren't for the fact that he was keeping me from sleeping, I might have thought differently about his singing, but now it was just the most obnoxious sound I had ever heard.

"For the love of fucking God, will you stop fucking singing?!" I shouted at the wall, banging my fist against it.

Surprisingly, the singing did stop, and so did the shower. Thank God for that. I hadn't expected him to listen to me, though. It felt like going against my every word was more likely something he would do these days.

Not having the energy to think more about it, I flopped down on the bed again, this time at least without my shoes on because I knew those would be uncomfortable to sleep with.

And as I let my eyelids fall shut again, I thought that finally, I would get the beauty sleep that I knew I needed so badly right now, but boy was I wrong. Because the next second, the same fucking song was booming through the wall, but from a speaker this time.

"There's not a soul out there. No one to hear my prayeeeer. Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight. Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away?"

I was definitely going to kill Harry Styles in the morning, and he was not getting away from it.

Chapter Text

"I swear to God when I see him, I won't hesitate to kill him," I muttered when I sat down at the table in the lunchroom the following morning.

Perrie was already there, munching on a slice of toast, but no Harry or Nick was in sight. Good thing for the curly-headed one.

She turned to me, a look of confusion falling onto her face. "Who and what are you talking about?" She asked, her eyebrows knitted.

Pressing the palms of my hands against my face in exhaustion, I let out a deep groan. "Harry. He decided to play music on full fucking blast yesterday when I was just about to fall asleep. The second I see him, I swear I'm going to strangle him. I barely got any sleep because of him."

She let out a light chuckle. "That explains your shitty mood."

I turned to her, separating my fingers to see the amusement on her face. "Oh, fuck you."

Right then, a familiar voice was heard, making me visibly cringe. "Good morning, Perrie," he greeted, and I instantly dropped my hands from my face to look at the curly-haired man I had been waiting to see this morning so that I could punch him in the face.

With a clenched jaw, I narrowed my eyes at him. "You," I snarled. "Do you have any fucking decency, or are you just too much of a dickhead to understand that there are other people in this world?"

A smile spread on his lips, but he didn't turn to meet my eyes. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

With that said, he turned around to go to the serving area to get some breakfast. Clenching my hands into tight fists, I gritted my teeth. "Please give me your permission to kill him. I bet it's going to be the most amazing feeling ever," I muttered, turning to Perrie, who let out a loud laugh.

"You're my friend, Louis, and I know you well enough to know that you would regret doing that. Yes, he's a pain in the ass, but he doesn't deserve to die," she replied, amusement clear in her eyes.

Rolling my eyes, I let out a huff. "And I thought you were on my side on this."

"I'm not on any side, Louis," she told me.

Pursing my lips, I got up to fetch some breakfast myself. When I returned, both Harry and Nick were sitting at the table across from Perrie and the seat I'd been sitting in before I left. I placed my tray on the table and plopped down, my lips pressed into a thin line.

"We're going out tonight," Nick announced, his white teeth on full display.

I furrowed my eyebrows, looking up to meet his gaze. "Going out where? We don't even know this place," I huffed.

He rolled his eyes. "To a pub, of course. It can't be that hard to find one in the area," he shrugged, snatching a pancake from Harry's plate.

"Don't steal my food, you tosser," Harry muttered, nudging Nick in the side.

The short-haired guy just chuckled, not seeming affected by the reprimand whatsoever as he took a bite of the pancake. "You don't have to come if you don't want to, Tommo. You're more than welcome to stay here."

"I'll be there," I mumbled, averting my gaze from him. Why I made the decision that I did, I had no idea. I was pretty sure I didn't want to go out with either Harry or Nick, but giving him the satisfaction of thinking he could control me wasn't an option.

"Well, I'm going out shopping before that. Anyone interested in joining me?" She asked, taking a bite of her croissant while glancing at Harry hopefully.

His eyes lit up brightly. "I'll come," he blurted out almost too quickly.

I honestly didn't know he was that much into shopping. When we were together, he didn't care all that much about what he was wearing, but considering the expensive suits he had worn the last couple of days, I should have known that had changed.

"I'm going to catch up on sleep," I muttered, glaring in Harry's direction. I was still pissed at him, and if the opportunity of getting back at him ever unfolded itself, I wouldn't hesitate to take it.

"Boring," Nick said, rolling his eyes.

Was it okay to punch him now that we weren't on television anymore? There were not that many people in the lunchroom, so no one would probably mind if I landed a punch on his impeccable face. That would be fine, right?

"That was unnecessary," Perrie frowned.

"Just because you weren't kept up all night by loud fucking music blaring from the speakers of your neighbor doesn't mean I wasn't. Now, if you would kindly shut the fuck up so that I can keep eating in peace, I'd love to, unless you want a bruise on your fucking cheek," I growled, my eyes narrowed at Nick.

"I'm not scared of you, Tommo," he smirked.

"Nick," Harry warned, catching me slightly off guard. He usually didn't try stopping arguments between us.

Nick let out a sigh and slumped his shoulders. Meanwhile, my gaze was stuck on the hand Harry had placed on Nick's forearm when he told him off. If they were dating and that girl Harry had been flirting with at the restaurant was just to prove me a point, we would have known by now, right?

Biting my bottom lip, I looked away, feeling disgusted by the thought of Harry dating that scumbag. He could do so much better than that. I mean, he could literally have anyone he wanted, so why would he go for Nick?

"I'm going back up to the rooms," I announced after a while. I had only eaten half of the things on my tray, but I was full, and sleep felt much more appealing than what it did right now.

"I'll go with you," Perrie said, getting up from her seat with her tray.

"Meet you in the lobby in half an hour then, Perrie?" Harry asked, a small smile on his lips.

"Of course," she replied, returning the smile before leaving the lunchroom with me.

We went to the elevator together, waiting for it to come down before entering it. "He seems awfully excited about going shopping," I commented, breaking the silence between us.

Perrie shrugged her shoulders. "I can't blame him. I'm probably just as excited as he is. It's been a while since I last did, and I've never done it here before, so it's going to be a lot of fun."

I let out a hum, not saying anything to that. I didn't understand what was so fun about it, but I supposed I shouldn't be one to speak. It was just weird to see Harry so happy about something like that. Again, it felt like I didn't know him anymore, and I didn't know whether I liked that or not.

When we arrived at our rooms, we went our separate ways after saying goodbye to each other. Once inside, I didn't hesitate to flop down on the unmade bed, my baby blue pillow already laying there all wrinkled since the morning. Pulling the covers over my clothed body, I made myself comfortable before closing my eyes, letting sleep take over my exhausted body once and for all.

-----

I could tell when Harry and Perrie came back from their shopping trip because these walls weren't very isolated (if that wasn't already obvious enough), so I could hear when Harry's door shut a few hours later. I had slept for three hours and spent the next one watching TV.

The sound of bags being dropped on the floor was heard a few seconds later, and judging by the sounds of it, it couldn't possibly be only one bag. Raising my eyebrows at the thought, I shook my head. I shouldn't care. Why was I even thinking about this?

But then my thoughts wandered to how things looked on the other side of the wall; Harry standing by the bed, picking up the clothes he had bought from the bags to neatly fold them in either one of his suitcases or - if he had unpacked his clothes - in the closet. He had always been an organized person, picking up all the clothes I had thrown everywhere.

Glancing down at the floor beside my bed, I noticed that, yes, I was still the same messy person I had always been. I hadn't touched the clothes I had tossed on the floor yesterday when I couldn't find anything to wear for the show, so they were still scattered everywhere.

Pursing my lips, I glanced back up at the TV, trying to focus on the screen instead of the imaginations that were playing in my head. Thankfully, I didn't have to try for long because my phone started ringing only a couple of seconds later.

Looking at the caller ID, I noticed, to my great surprise, that it was Liam, so I didn't hesitate to swipe my thumb across the screen. "Liam, my man," I greeted, feeling a smile spread on my lips.

"Hi, Lou. How are you doing?" He asked casually.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess things could be better judging by the circumstances, but I probably shouldn't complain. How are you?"

He let out a sigh. "I'm great, thank you. So things with Harry aren't going very well then?" He hummed, and I could imagine him frowning on the other end.

Reaching up to run a hand through my hair, I let out a humorless laugh. "If you call him keeping me up till one am when I was exhausted just because he decided to play loud music from his speaker well, then yes. Things are going splendidly."

"He did what?"

Closing my eyes, I let out a deep sigh. "To put things short, I got mad at him when he sang in the shower, and to piss me off even more, he started playing music from his speaker. So I woke up this morning after only having slept for four hours and was still exhausted."

He let out a light chuckle. "Didn't think he was the kind of guy to do something like that. He must have taken after you. It honestly sounds a lot more like you."

I let out a snort. "Yeah, right."

I refused to admit that the thought of it being true made an electric shock run through my body. Just the idea of Harry being influenced by me... No.

"We're going out clubbing tonight," I told him instead, dropping the previous topic right there.

"Really? You're going to be okay with that?" He asked carefully.

I pulled my eyebrows together. "What do you mean by that? Why wouldn't I be okay with it?"

Okay, so I hadn't gone out in a while... It had probably been more than a year since last time, but it wasn't like I wasn't okay with clubbing. I had done it plenty of times before. What would be so different about this time?

Then it hit me.

"You're talking about the fact that Harry's going to be there, aren't you?"

He sighed again. "I just don't want you to get hurt," he confessed.

"Why does everyone think I'm going to get so fucking hurt all the time? We're not together anymore, meaning his doings don't matter to me. So he can do whatever the fuck he wants," I muttered.

"Okay," he said in defeat. "Whatever you say."

After that, we talked about what else had happened since we last spoke to each other. He told me he would model for Hugo in a week, and I told him what had happened at the restaurant two days ago. I didn't miss out on telling him what a pain in the ass Grimshaw had been the last couple of days.

"He's probably just jealous," Liam told me.

"Jealous about what?" I asked him, a frown on my face.

"That you've been in a relationship with Harry. It's a known fact that's the reason he has never liked you and why you two don't get along. You had what he couldn't have," he explained, making me even more confused.

"But I'm not with Harry anymore," I muttered.

"And that can only mean one thing, Louis," he told me. "He isn't either."

-----

A few hours later, we were wandering the streets of Cardiff, praying that no one would recognize us in the darkness. Nick and Harry were walking a few steps in front of us, talking about God knows what while Perrie and I stayed behind, me smoking while Perrie helped Nick and Hary look for an appropriate pub we could enter.

Harry was wearing a glittery black suit tonight with a black shirt underneath that was basically revealing his entire chest, along with a pair of black heels. Yes, heels. They must be at least two inches high, and I secretly wondered how he managed to walk in them because I was pretty sure I would have fallen if I even tried.

I had found a black and white Fred Perry shirt in my suitcase - or on the floor to be precise - along with some baggy blue jeans. My hair was styled in a quiff because I thought, why not dress up a little if we were actually going out? Might as well make an effort.

Perrie had also dressed up, a white, almost see-through blouse covering her torso and a pair of black, skinny jeans hugging her legs. Nick was dressed in an ordinary black suit, probably the same one he had worn on our first day together. It wouldn't surprise me.

"Hey, doesn't this look nice?" Nick called out, turning back to face us.

I blew out the smoke I had inhaled while furrowing my eyebrows, turning to where he was pointing. It was indeed a pub, the loud music playing inside making its way through the walls of the building.

"Let's see what it has to offer," Harry suggested, already taking a step towards the line that was outside the entrance.

I raised my eyebrows at him but decided to tag along after putting out my cigarette when Nick and Perrie followed suit. Harry didn't bother standing in line but just walked straight up to the bouncer, tilting his head to the side with a sly smile on his face. It didn't take more than a second until the buff guy recognized him and instantly let him through.

He seemed to recognize the rest of us as well, as he didn't bat an eye as we walked through, following Harry into the building. There was indeed loud music playing here, the noise blaring from the speakers. There were plenty of people here too, dancing and jumping on the dance floor while some were sitting at the bar and some in the booths.

"You think you can get us a booth?" Nick asked Harry over the loud music, and the curly-haired man shrugged his shoulders simply.

"Don't think that would be a problem," he smirked, walking away to go talk to the person who was responsible for the place.

"Come on, Louis. Let's go buy something to drink," Perrie suggested, grabbing my arm to pull me towards the bar.

Nick followed suit, sitting down beside us at the bar. He ordered some kind of blue drink while Perrie went for an orange one and I a beer. The bartender, a guy my age, smirked as he saw who it was in front of him, clearly recognizing all three of us. Once I had the beer in my hand, I looked out on the dance floor, almost scrunching my nose because it didn't feel like me anymore. I had come a long way since I used to let loose like that.

"Come on, guys. We've got a table over here," Harry announced when he returned, taking us to a table in the right corner of the building.

There were a lot of other groups there as well, but all of them were too caught up in their own conversations to notice us walk by. When we arrived at the table, Harry announced that he would go buy us a round of drinks, and really? Who did he think he was? First, he walked right up to the bouncer, kind of flirted his way inside, and then he talked to the person responsible for the place to get us a table, and now this? Might as well try getting us free drinks too.

I had tried not to think about it because I didn't want it to be true, but this repetitive behavior of his was making me think of what Simon had told me that day almost three years ago.

"The fuck does he think he is?" I muttered, turning to Perrie, who was sitting next to me in the booth.

She shrugged. "I don't know, but I like it. See, I think he's actually getting us free drinks by flirting with that bartender," she said, nudging me in the side.

I quickly looked over, narrowing my eyes because yes, he was definitely flirting with that bartender, his chin in his palm while leaning against the counter. Of fucking course. "It's not like he can't afford the drinks anyway," I mumbled, turning back around to see that Nick wasn't very pleased with the sight of Harry flirting with the bartender either.

Letting out a snort, I took a big swig of my beer, telling myself I might as well get fucking drunk tonight because we had just come here, and things were already going downhill.

When Harry returned, he was carrying a tray of drinks with a broad smile on his lips. "I think that bartender liked me," he grinned, placing it in the middle of the table.

I fucking bet he did.

Three rounds of drinks and three beers later, it was safe to say I was intoxicated. I still had a perception of my surroundings, but my head was spinning a little. Harry was a giggling mess, leaning his head on Nick's shoulder every time he found something funny. Nick wasn't better himself, cracking stupid jokes that I was pretty sure weren't even jokes, but Harry found them funny anyway, while Perrie was trying to get me to join her to the dance floor.

"I'm not going, Pez. I'm not telling you again," I drawled, trying to look determined by narrowing my eyebrows at her, but she only started laughing at me.

"I know you don't want to watch them anymore anyway. Just come with me," she told me, extending a hand for me to take.

I pouted at it before letting out a dramatic sigh and eventually taking it in mine. "Alright, fine, but only because you are you," I muttered.

Harry and Nick didn't even seem to notice that we disappeared, seeing as they kept laughing and cracking jokes. My stomach felt kind of weird at this point, but I was pretty sure it was due to the alcohol and not because of the chemistry between the two of them.

"I'm going to find you a guy, Louis," Perrie said excitedly, pulling me into the crowd of people.

She didn't find me a guy, but we did dance - or more like jump - for at least thirty minutes until I felt a strong need to release my bladder. "I'm going to the bathroom, Pez!" I shouted to her over the music, but she was too busy talking to a brown-haired man to hear me.

Rolling my eyes, I made my way out of the crowd and headed to the bathroom next to the bar. Surprisingly, it wasn't crowded, so I could easily find an empty stall and exhale a large breath. What a fucking night, and it had only begun.

After flushing the toilet, I got out to splash water on my face in an attempt to sober up a bit. Someone needed to get us out of here safely tonight, and that someone might as well be me. I wasn't the oldest, but Nick was an immature child that would probably never grow up, so no one could count on him.

When I exited the bathroom, I was about to go find Perrie again when I noticed Harry sitting at the bar, talking to a group of girls. Nick was nowhere to be found, which I found weird, so I decided to stay close to keep an eye on the curly-haired man.

One of the girls had her arm draped over one of Harry's shoulders, her head tilted to the side while listening to him talk intently. He didn't seem to mind as he was smiling crookedly, his eyes shining from the lights in the room. I narrowed my eyes, finding the situation a bit off because this wasn't like Harry at all. I had witnessed him talking to girls before, and he had never let them come this close to him. Maybe that was because he had been in a relationship with me at the time, though. At this point, I should probably not even be surprised that he wasn't the same anymore.

I was just about to leave with a huff when I noticed that one of the girls was extending her drink to Harry. Who was so stupid to give away their drink to someone? I mean, drinks at the pub were expensive as fuck, and even if Harry were a superstar, this girl wouldn't just give away her drink to him just like that, right?

Feeling alarmed, I walked over to them with quick strides, watching how Harry happily brought the glass to his lips and- "You can't honestly tell me you're that stupid," I snapped, snatching the glass from his hand to place it on the counter next to his body.

His eyes widened briefly, probably shocked that I had stopped him out of all people. The girls left within a few seconds, and during that time, Harry seemed to sober up as his eyes darkened. "Don't fucking interfere in my doings," he retorted, glaring at me.

I rolled my eyes, letting out a snort. "So you mean you would have happily drunk that? For fuck's sake, it could have been spiked! You have no idea what those girls' intentions were!"

He furrowed his eyebrows, shaking his head. "It wasn't spiked," he snarled. "And so what if it was? It's not like you would have given a fuck about it anyway."

"No," I muttered. "That's exactly why I'm here right now."

With that said, I walked away, not looking back as I took up my search of finding Perrie. Making my way through the crowd of people, I turned my head from side to side, hoping to get a glimpse of her. I wasn't very successful, though, but I did end up finding Nick. He was pressed to the wall by some tall guy, who was pressing kisses up his neck to his lips. I quickly averted my gaze as tongues got involved, feeling myself shuddering. Talk about going from one man to another. Damn.

After ten minutes and still no success in finding Perrie, I walked back to our booth, slumping down in one of the seats. Our empty glasses were scattered all over the table, spilled drinks lying in puddles on the wooden surface.

"Hey, I recognize you," a voice suddenly spoke up, catching my attention.

I looked up to find a guy with blonde locks and brown eyes standing in front of me, a crooked smile on his lips. "Uh, yeah, I'm Louis, Louis Tomlinson."

"Right, from that boyband. I remember watching the X Factor that year you came third. So where are all your friends? You didn't come here alone, did you?" He asked, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

I shook my head. "No, I just lost them," I chuckled dryly. Or, I lost the most important one.

"Oh, how about I take you dancing while you wait for them to show up?" He suggested, tilting his head to the side.

I narrowed my eyes, looking at my surroundings. Perrie was still nowhere to be seen, and if I were honest, I didn't want to spend the rest of the night sitting here all by myself. "Fine," I mumbled, getting up to follow him back to the dance floor.

An upbeat song was on at the moment, making it difficult to stay in one place because people were all over the dance floor, jumping like maniacs. The unknown guy decided to take the opportunity by placing a hand on the small of my back, guiding me forward until we were in the middle of the crowd. I wasn't going to lie, I was a bit uncomfortable.

Things didn't get better when the guy brought his other hand to my waist as well, keeping his arms around me as we danced to the music. I wasn't sure if he did in order to not lose me or if he did because he wanted something more than I did.

When one of his hands moved to grab my bum, I was pretty sure it was the latter, though. Feeling every muscle in my body tense, I looked up at him in shock, seeing amusement in his eyes. It made me furrow my eyebrows. "What are you doing?" I asked harshly.

He tilted his head to the side, the smile never leaving his face. "I'm touching you. What does it seem like I'm doing?"

"I've got a girlfriend," I said quickly, trying to take a step back, but he wouldn't let me.

He let out a loud bark of laughter, throwing his head back. "Girlfriend? And I'm married to Queen Elizabeth," he cackled, making my jaw clench. "You can't honestly mean you're trying to tell me you're straight."

"I'm not trying to tell you anything other than to stop fucking touch me," I snapped, trying to take his hand away from my body, but he yet again kept his hand firm on my ass.

"I have a feeling you don't actually mean that," he told me, but I was seeing fucking red by now, so I was sure I meant exactly what I said. The thing was, I wasn't strong enough to get him away from me.

Didn't anyone see that he was sexually assaulting me? Or were the people in this fucking place too caught up getting drunk and dancing their asses off? Where were the securities when you needed them?

"You can't be straight with an ass like this. It'd be pretty sad for every guy out there," the guy chuckled, placing his other hand on my bum too, much to my dismay.

"What is it with 'I don't want you to fucking touch me' that you don't understand?" A new voice snapped, cutting through my body like a knife because I knew that voice. I knew it too well for my own liking.

The blonde guy instantly tensed, his head snapping to the source. My face was turned towards the person too, and let's just say that it was a very long time ago I had seen Harry so angry, his nostrils flaring while his eyes were boring into the blonde-haired man's face. "I swear to God, if you don't let go of him right the fuck now, I will beat you to a fucking pulp."

The guy finally let go of me. "If you had told me you had a boyfriend, I would have actually believed you. You should have done that instead of giving me that girlfriend crap you were on about," he scoffed, leaving without so much as looking back.

Before I could comprehend what was going on, Harry turned around to leave too, but I managed to grab hold of his forearm before he could do so. He turned around hesitantly, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I... Thank you," I told him sincerely, my eyes locked on his face.

He nodded, showing no emotion whatsoever now that the guy was gone.

"I should probably say the same thing to you."

With that said, he pulled his arm out of my hold and continued making his way out of the crowd.

And damn, what a fucking night this turned out to be.

Chapter Text

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" I asked Harry where he was lying on my chest, our legs tangled together under a blanket draped over our clothed bodies.

We were lying in my bunk on our tour bus. We were on our 'Where we are" tour and had performed in Liverpool tonight. The lads were chilling in the room at the back of the bus while Harry and I were here, cuddling in my bunk.

"I see you," he smiled, looking up at me through his long eyelashes while I twirled a curl of his hair that was growing pretty long around my finger. "And me. We're leaving every car, every building together, holding hands because we can, because there's nothing holding us back anymore," he told me, making my heart skip a beat in my chest.

"Yeah?" I breathed, gracing his cheek with my thumb.

He nodded, his lips forming a sweet smile with his dimples on full show. "And if you asked me where I see myself in fifty years, I'd say I see us sitting on a bench in a park, watching our grandchildren play in the playground with joined hands. No matter what time you ask me about, I would see us together because you are my future, Louis."

Feeling tears pricking my eyes, I ran my index finger from his forehead, down his nose to his lips, my gaze fixated on his eyes. "I love you, Harry," I whispered, making him lean in so that our foreheads were touching.

"I love you too, Louis, so much."

He then leaned in to press his soft, plump lips against mine in a sweet kiss.

-----

Waking up the following day wasn't exactly a bed of roses, and that dream slash memory didn't make things better. My head was pounding in a way that made it feel like a hammer was banging my forehead from the inside. With a groan, I managed to get out of bed and dressed in my grey Fila hoodie along with my matching pair of joggers. I grabbed my black Adidas cap on my way out of the room and put it on my head before trudging down to the lunchroom.

Just like yesterday morning, Perrie was already there, but to my surprise, Harry was too. He didn't seem half as bad as I did, which I thought was weird considering the amount of alcohol I witnessed him consuming yesterday. Perrie didn't seem too bad either, although she looked a bit tired.

"Good morning, Louis," she greeted, cracking a small smile.

I looked over at Harry, who was pulling bits off his sandwich and popping them into his mouth. He didn't even seem to acknowledge the fact that I had just arrived. "Morning," I replied, turning to look down at the surface of the table.

Pressing the palms of my hands against my forehead, I let out a deep sigh. Not only were things already bad enough that I had to be around my ex every day, but now I had a killing headache on top of that too. Could someone save me from this hell hole?

"We're going to Birmingham today. Patrick said he wants us to be ready at twelve because he doesn't want us to arrive there too late in the evening," Perrie informed, making me furrow my brows.

"At twelve? But it's..." I trailed off to check the time on my phone. "Eleven right now. How are we going to get ready in that short amount of time?"

She tilted her head to the side. "Most of us have been up for a while, Louis. Nick has already eaten, and I've already finished packing my bags. You're just lucky this place is still serving breakfast," she chuckled.

I ran my hands over my face. "There's no way I will be finished on time. The entire content of my suitcase is pretty much all over my room. It's going to take ages until I'll be ready," I groaned.

"I'm not surprised about that," I heard Harry mumble, making me snap my head up.

He was still not looking at me, his gaze stuck on the sandwich in his hands, but I knew what I heard. I hadn't imagined it.

"Well, I can always help you," Perrie suggested.

I raised my eyebrows at her in surprise. "Really? You'd do that?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, why not? I don't exactly have anything better to do."

I was still shocked as I stared at her, but then I narrowed my eyes. "How come you don't even seem to feel half as shitty as I do? It feels like my head's about to explode, yet it seems like you're not even affected by last night," I frowned.

A smile formed on her lips as she shook her head. "I'm tired as hell, but I guess I was just lucky by not getting a headache. I didn't have too much to drink," she explained.

Pouting my lips, I looked over at Harry suspiciously. Was he just very good at hiding his hangover, or had he gotten so used to alcohol that he didn't get them as often anymore? He used to get the worst hangovers back in the days without even consuming that much alcohol. But that might have changed too, just like everything else.

Averting my gaze, I bit my bottom lip. "I'll go get something to eat before they remove the breakfast," I muttered, getting up from my seat and leaving the two of them alone.

I wasn't very hungry, so I settled with two slices of toasts and a cup of Yorkshire tea before going back to the table with my tray. The first thing I noticed was that Harry had left and that Perrie was sitting there alone. "Um, where did Harry go?" I asked, although I didn't really care. It wasn't like he was paying any attention to me anyway.

"He said he needed to go packing. He left you these, though," she said, pushing two pills towards me on the table. "He said he didn't want to hear you complaining about your headache the entire day."

My eyes widened momentarily when it dawned on me what it was. He had given me painkillers. "How can I be sure these aren't some kind of toxic drug? You would never fucking know about him," I muttered, frowning at the two pills in front of me.

I could see Perrie rolling her eyes from the corners of my eyes. "I'm pretty sure he doesn't want you dead. Besides, you should be thankful for this, not see it as another excuse to accuse him of something. Just take the kind gesture and swallow those pills, Louis."

Letting out a scoff, I popped the two pills into my mouth and gulped them down with some tea. "Why do you suddenly think so well of him? Don't you remember the way he snapped at you just the other day?" I huffed.

A smile formed on her lips. "He's actually apologized for that. We really bonded when we were out shopping yesterday," she explained, making me snort.

"Of course you did," I mumbled. "If you see me starting to cough blood or having a hard time breathing, you know who to kill for me, though, alright?" I said, raising my eyebrows at her.

"Yes," she replied, chuckling. "Now, eat your breakfast so that we can go pack your suitcase."

-----

With Perrie's help, I ended up finishing packing on time, and we all left the hotel together. Harry was dressed in his black Columbia hoodie and grey joggers while wearing sunglasses for some reason. The sun was far from shining in the dark sky, so they weren't necessary for anything other than flashing cameras, which we didn't have to deal with while leaving the hotel anyway.

Maybe his eyes were red from last night, but who knows? It wouldn't surprise me if he wore them only to come off as untouchable. It only added to the way he had been acting since day one of this journey, and it made me yet again think of what Simon had told me the day when everything started going downhill. He had said that Harry's new record label would turn him into an artist that would come off as untouchable. Even if my mind had been all over the place that day, I deep down never thought it would happen because Harry had always been so down to earth, and he loved showing off his true personality to people. But now, it seemed like he was holding back on that, even if a bright smile was still always on his lips whenever he talked to people while genuinely seeming to care about them.

My mind was spinning with these thoughts while sitting in the car on our way to Birmingham. Perrie was yet again sitting in the middle seat with me and Harry on each side, and Nick was sitting in the passenger seat next to Patrick. She was scrolling through her phone while Harry was snoring, his head leaning on the door beside him, and those godforsaken sunglasses were still on his nose.

The pills he had given me were finally starting to kick in (it turned out they were Advils after all), so I felt a lot better than I did this morning, my head not pounding half as much as it did then. I had slept pretty well last night too, so I wasn't tired either, which left me to be stuck with my never-ending thoughts.

The worst part of it was that they only consisted of Harry. Harry, Harry, Harry. You would have thought after two years, my brain would have managed to move past this, but apparently not. So, with a deep sigh, I let my mind spring free because I knew there was nothing I could do to make it stop anyway.

My thoughts instantly went to the conversation I'd had with Lottie the other day, how she told me that I might be the reason Harry snapped at people sometimes, including myself. That could still be the truth because now that I had witnessed how he was around other people for a few more days, I knew that he wasn't an arrogant person in general, and he had never been.

He had still changed, though, just like I mentioned before. No one could take that away from him, and the way he was acting last night at the pub was just one proof of that. I didn't know what it was, but I didn't like it because it just wasn't him.

"Alright, guys. We're going to have to stop to get something to eat. What place do you reckon?" Patrick asked, soon noticing that half of us were currently sleeping. "Jesus, what were you guys up to yesterday? It looks like some of you haven't gotten a good night's sleep in ages," he continued, shaking his head.

"We were out," I explained, biting my bottom lip. "Thought we would take the opportunity since we had a day off."

He shrugged his shoulders, letting out a sigh. "Fair enough," he replied. "Now, where should we go?"

I looked over at the other people in the car, noticing that Perrie was the only one awake. "Somewhere secluded. It feels unnecessary to create chaos by showing up at a public place," I told him, to which he pursed his lips.

"I'll inform the other cars about that then."

A few minutes later, we pulled up outside a diner that seemed almost empty of people. Patrick had to shake Nick awake while Harry seemed to wake up the second the car came to a stop. We then got out of the car and headed inside the diner along with the other crew members.

Nick instantly walked up to Harry, throwing an arm around his shoulders while starting to talk enthusiastically. It was a wonder how he went from being asleep to talking like that in a matter of a few minutes, but apparently, he managed to do that.

Meanwhile, I walked behind them next to Perrie, who still seemed pretty caught up with her phone, her face practically buried in the screen. I tried not to look at the two men in front of me, how they got along so well and always had done, but it was hard, especially when I didn't have Perrie to distract me. To be honest, I didn't know what Harry saw in him even as a friend (I had asked him that countless times in the past as well), but then again, Nick wasn't treating him like he treated me, so maybe that was why he saw something else in his persona.

It turned out the place was almost empty, the only people there being the staff and two customers. The staff's faces seemed to light up when we entered, the way their lips curled upward. They had probably never had so many people entering the place simultaneously, and probably not famous people at that either.

The second we had all ordered, we sat down at the table they had created by pushing at least four smaller ones together. Harry and Nick ended up in front of me and Perrie, just like that time at the Italian restaurant a couple of days ago.

It wasn't until then I noticed that Harry was still wearing those Ray-Bans that he had been wearing since we left the hotel this noon. It made my skin crawl for some reason, and part of that was probably due to my previous thoughts about him. It was disrespectful, and he shouldn't get away with it just because he was the person he was. "Are you seriously going to wear sunglasses while we're eating?"

Harry seemed to be in a deep conversation with Nick, but his face snapped to me the second he heard my voice. "Not only are you wearing them on a cloudy ass day, but you're going to wear them inside as well?"

It took a few seconds until he reacted, and when he did, he pushed the sunglasses down his nose just a bit so that his eyes could be seen before moving them back up again. "I don't see how it's any of your business that I'm wearing sunglasses," he scoffed.

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head in disbelief. "It's not. It's just about showing respect to everyone around you."

With that said, I turned away from him, engaging myself in a conversation with the man next to me. I could feel Harry's gaze on the side of my face for a little while before he looked away, and even though I couldn't see his eyes, I knew that he was making a face of carelessness. Of course he didn't care. And why would he ever listen to me out of all people?

I knew that we hadn't been exactly quiet, but it didn't seem like anyone was about to say anything about our fight anyway. Most of the people just continued the conversations they were already in, and some just looked our way to avert their gazes as soon as we stopped talking. I was glad that no one had anything to say about it because I didn't want us to get any attention.

When our food arrived, Harry was still wearing the Ray-Bans, and I figured I probably shouldn't care as much as I did. No one else seemed to mind, so why did I?

On another note, Perrie seemed to come back to reality when the food arrived, placing her phone on the table before digging into her food.

"Who were you talking to?" I couldn't help but ask. I was curious.

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's just the girls. They're wondering how things are going," she explained.

A smile formed on my lips as I nodded. "And what's your answer to that?"

She shrugged, an evident smile forming on her lips too. "Everything is great except for the fact that the ex-couple is fighting all the time."

My mouth fell open, my chin almost hitting the bottom of my neck.

"I'm just kidding," she laughed. "Jesus, you should have seen your face."

I pursed my lips, looking away from her for a second. "It's not funny. None of this is funny," I huffed.

She tilted her to the side, pressing her lips together. "I told them that everything is great, that I'm happy I'm doing this. You guys make this journey amazing, and I don't really care that you and Harry don't get along. I'd say it's actually worse between you and Nick because you can tell that you and Harry still secretly care for each other. You and Nick just don't get along, simple as that."

I let out a snort, crossing my arms over my chest while looking over at the curly-haired man who was currently laughing at something Nick just said. "I don't care about him. He's just an inconsiderate asshole."

"Yeah," she said. "That's why you keep an eye on him all the time."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "I'm not having this conversation with you right now. I'm glad that you're enjoying my company, though. I'm enjoying yours too."

We both ate in silence after that. I could tell she wasn't mad at me, but she wasn't exactly happy with me either. I knew she wanted me to tell her about what happened with Harry, just like Lottie wanted me to tell her about what happened, but there was nothing to say. The past was the past.

When we were all finished eating, we exited the restaurant. On my way out, I was surprisingly accompanied by Logan. I hadn't seen him since the day of the last show, and it was only briefly. I knew that he was always around somewhere, though. I just hadn't acknowledged him, I assumed.

"I couldn't help but notice the way you and Harry fought earlier. You two don't really get along, do you?" He questioned, looking at the side of my face curiously.

My face turned into a scowl. "Uhh, no. Not really."

Why was it that everyone suddenly wanted to talk about Harry? Wasn't it enough that my mind was already occupied with him? Did I need more people to remind me of the man?

"Weren't you two quite close back in the days, though?" He asked, making me almost cringe in uncomfortableness. At least he didn't know we had been in a couple, but I would prefer if he just dropped the topic.

"Yeah, we were... when we first got to know each other..." I trailed off, grimacing.

And the next five years after that...

He nodded, seeming to understand that I wasn't very comfortable talking about the topic. "It must be quite uncomfortable then, doing all this with someone you've spent a lot of time with in the past and now don't really get along with. I don't think I could ever do that."

I turned to meet his gaze momentarily. "I don't exactly recommend it," I told him, making him let out a light chuckle.

"I won't add it to my to-do list then," he joked, his brown eyes twinkling.

A faint smile formed on my lips as I shook my head. We arrived at the cars then, where Logan had to leave to get into the Range Rover he was going with while I hopped into the one where Patrick, Nick, Harry and Perrie were already sitting, waiting for me to get inside.

The second I closed the door, I noticed that there was tension in the air. I didn't know where exactly it came from, but it was hovering like a cloud above us. "So, what music should we listen to now that you're all awake?" Patrick asked, breaking the silence.

Nick decided to connect his phone to the Bluetooth in the car before anyone could open their mouth. I didn't really mind, though. I just wanted to get to Birmingham as quickly as possible because right now, this day was like one of those grey, moody Sundays that people just wanted to pass by.

"When you feel your love's been taken. When you know there's something missing. In the dark, we're barely hangin' on..."

Chapter Text

The next few days turned out pretty much the same, except Harry and I didn't talk at all. It was just like the first day all over again, but now two days in a row. I wasn't exactly surprised nor disappointed. It was probably better that we stuck to ignoring each other anyway. That way, no one seemed to bring him up in conversations they had with me at least.

The audition in Birmingham went great. We found some fantastic singers there, and so did we in Liverpool.

We had just exited the arena and were already heading to the cars because we were going to Manchester today already. Going from being free two days in a row to doing three shows in three days was a real turnaround. I wished I had slept more when I still could. Now we spent most of our nights in the black Range Rover, and let's just say if my bum hurt from sitting on the judges' table's chair, it was nothing compared to how much it hurt from sitting in that car for so long.

"If we don't sleep at a fucking hotel tonight, I'm dropping out of this," I groaned as we got into the Range Rover, shutting the doors behind us.

"What? You can't handle the pressure?" Nick scoffed, turning around in his seat to raise his eyebrows at me.

That was another thing. Harry and I hadn't exchanged a single word with each other, but Nick had been more of an ass than usual. I just didn't understand why he couldn't just lay off me. Why did he still treat me so poorly if what Liam said was true? I wasn't with Harry anymore, so what was his problem with me now?

Shooting him a glare, I gritted my teeth. "I've been through way worse than this. I'm pretty sure you have no idea what touring the fucking world is like."

A humorous smile formed on his lips. "Then why are you complaining, princess?"

Did he just call me princess?

"Oh, you piece of shit. I promise I'll fucking kil-" I started, gripping Patrick's seat to get closer to his ugly face.

Before I could reach him, though, I was pulled back by Perrie. "Louis," she warned me while letting out an exasperated sigh. "Fighting won't make things better. Just ignore him."

Letting out a huff, I slumped back in my seat and averted my gaze from Nick. Patrick got into the driver's seat then, shutting the door behind him. "Amazing job today as well. You never cease to amaze me," he smiled, turning around to get a look at Perrie, Harry and me. "Are you ready to go to Manchester?"

"Does it matter if we aren't?" Nick asked, rolling his eyes.

Patrick furrowed his eyebrows, glancing at him. "Of course it does. You're always free to say whatever's on your mind and if you disagree with certain things. I know these past few days have been hectic, but you'll get a day off after the show in Manchester, which I know Harry will probably like."

Harry met his gaze, a small smile forming on his lips as he nodded. What was so special about Manchester other than the fact that it was close to his hometown?

When no one questioned them about it and I didn't feel like doing so myself, I burrowed the side of my face into my pillow. It was only five in the afternoon, but I was already tired. It was probably not odd considering the busy schedule we'd had the last couple of days, but it was still a weird feeling.

"Will we be sleeping at a hotel tonight?" I asked Patrick, my voice barely a mumble.

"Yes, Louis, we will, and the night after that as well. I'm sorry things have been like this, but unfortunately, we didn't have any other choice because these were the days we could rent all the arenas and other places," Patrick apologized.

"Thank God," I sighed in relief, closing my eyes.

It only took me a minute to fall asleep after that, the sound of the engine lulling me to sleep. It felt like days had passed when I woke up, but I figured we must have arrived in Manchester since I was still sitting in the car, now outside a hotel.

I was still exhausted, though, so I almost fell out of the car when I opened the door and tried to put my feet on the ground. "Jesus, Louis. Did you have alcohol instead of water in your glass in Liverpool?" Perrie laughed when she saw me stumbling.

I let out a groan, running my hands over my face. "No, no alcohol, only water," I muttered incoherently, squinting my eyes at her.

She rolled her eyes, getting her suitcase from the trunk. "I'm taking your suitcase too. I'm positive you wouldn't even make it to the entrance if you were to take it yourself," she chuckled with amusement.

We made our way into the hotel, and I didn't register anything about my surroundings until we were soon standing outside our rooms. Just like in Cardiff, our rooms were close to each other, and yes, Harry's was next to mine this time too.

"See you tomorrow, guys," I muttered, taking my suitcase from Perrie's hand, the baby blue pillow stuffed in my armpit before entering my room.

The first thing I did was to flop down on top of the king-sized bed, not getting a perception of anything else as I closed my eyes and fell asleep, my face burrowed in my pillow and my suitcase thrown onto the floor.

-----

When I woke up, the first thing I did was take a long, well-needed shower. I was pretty sure it took more than half an hour until I eventually stepped out to get dressed and get ready for the day. It was probably the best shower I'd had in years, though, so I didn't really care.

When I exited my hotel suite, dressed in a blue, white, and black Adidas sweater and a pair of black jeans, I realized that I didn't even know how to get to the lunchroom or where it was located. I wasn't exactly in the greatest state when we arrived yesterday evening.

Biting my bottom lip, I fished my phone from my pocket and quickly sent a text to Perrie.

Louis: Where's the lunchroom?

Thankfully, she replied within a matter of seconds, my phone vibrating in my hand.

Pez: On the second floor. Everyone's already here x

I ran my hands over my face, mentally preparing for another meeting with my ex and his shitty best friend (or whatever they were) as I started making my way to the elevator. It seemed like it didn't matter how many times I had to face Harry, it was always like meeting him for the first time after two years. Maybe that was because nothing had really changed between us since our first meeting. We always just tried to pretend as if the other wasn't there.

It turned out Perrie was right; everyone was already in the lunchroom, eating breakfast when I arrived. Even the members of the crew were there, Logan included. Harry was sitting next to Nick while the shorter-haired man was talking with his mouth full, enthusiastically making gestures with his hands. Meanwhile, Perrie was talking to Patrick a few seats away from the other two.

Before even making my way over to them, I decided to get some food. I was starving. I hadn't eaten in over 18 hours, so I quickly made my way around to fetch anything that looked appealing. Once I walked over to the table, I was lucky to get a seat opposite Perrie and Patrick. Harry and Nick were sitting on their side, but they were too far away to hear anything I said... I hoped.

"Good morning, Louis," Perrie and Patrick greeted when they acknowledged my arrival, sending a smile in my direction.

"Morning," I replied, instantly digging into my food.

"Did you sleep well?" Perrie smirked, probably already knowing the answer. "You were quite out of it when we arrived yesterday."

I tilted my head to the side. "If you couldn't already tell by that, then I'm sure you can tell by the fact that I'm the last one to arrive now," I chuckled.

Her smile widened, and Patrick's lips twitched at my answer. "So, what's on the agenda today?" I asked, taking a bite of my toast.

"We're meeting in the lobby at one since we have to drive to the venue, but you're free to do whatever you want before that," Patrick replied, looking at me.

"Nice," I beamed, feeling happy that I could finally have some time alone. It felt like ages since I had a day where I could just relax and be by myself.

The sound of my phone going off pulled me out of my thoughts. I furrowed my brows as I fished the device from my pocket, letting out a groan at the sight of Eleanor's name lightening up my screen.

"Eleanor?" I asked, running a hand over my face.

The second I pronounced her name, I could feel Harry snap his head at me. His eyes were suddenly boring into the side of my face while his jaw clenched. Meanwhile, Nick was trying to talk to him, but he wouldn't turn his head in his direction. Shit. I thought Harry wouldn't be able to hear me from over there.

"Louis! Thank God you picked up," she sighed in relief.

"What's going on?" I frowned, ignoring the intense stare I was receiving.

"It's Clifford. He's acting weird, and he's been doing it for a day now. I don't know what's wrong with him."

I bit the inside of my cheek, knowing he could act weird if things didn't work his way. "Umm, have you fed him?" I asked.

She let out a scoff. "Oh, for the love of God. Do you think I would have called you if I hadn't already thought of that?"

Placing a hand over my face, I closed my eyes. "Excuse me for asking then..." I trailed off, mentally rolling my eyes.

We were quiet for a while, and I assumed we were both thinking about what could be going on with my dog. I refused to believe the worst, trying to come up with a reasonable cause of what it was.

"Oh, shit," she suddenly said, realization dawning on her.

"What?" I asked, opening my eyes again.

"That might actually be it," she continued, and I was still clueless as to what she was on about.

"What might be it?"

"Clifford," she drawled. "I uhh... I'm pretty sure he hasn't, you know...? Done number two in a while. You reckon that could be why he's so tired and doesn't want to do anything but lie down?"

Pinching the skin between my eyebrows, I closed my eyes. "Well, of course. And you said you had thought of all the normal things. Jesus."

"Oh, shut up, Lou. Why don't you walk your dog so that he gets to do his necessities then? Oh, right, because you're not with him. Stop complaining when I'm doing you a great favor here," she huffed.

"I'm sorry, El," I chuckled. "Thank you for taking great care of Cliff when I can't do it myself. Keep up the amazing work."

"I hate you," she muttered.

"Love you too," I smiled brightly.

"Whatever, go back to whatever it was you were doing before I called. I'll get back to you if anything else happens."

The smile widened on my lips. "Sure, but only if it's important. I won't be so kind to help you come up with why something is wrong again. Bye, El."

"Ugh, bye, Louis."

I ended the call while shaking my head in amusement, shoving it back in my pocket. When I looked up, I noticed that Perrie was looking at me, her eyebrows raised. I also noticed that Harry's stare had become even more intense than it was before.

"Was that Eleanor?" Perrie asked, seeming surprised. "Didn't know you were on that great terms?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I pursed my lips. "We aren't exactly enemies. I guess I've just gotten used to her presence."

She hummed in reply. "Isn't it a bit weird that you get on so well with someone who's preventing you from coming out, though?" She asked.

"It's not exactly her fault things are like this," I objected, my eyebrows pinched together.

"No, but she's agreeing to it," Perrie implied, looking at me pointedly.

I knew she was right. Eleanor was getting paid to do this, but it was hard not to get along with her when I had spent so much time with her over the years. She wasn't a bad person, though, even if she was agreeing to this whole thing. If I needed to 'date' a girl in public, I didn't want it to be anyone but her.

"I know," I sighed. "Things are just difficult, I guess, but she's not a bad person."

Perrie rolled her eyes, glancing in Harry's direction before looking back at me. "If you say so."

We all finished eating shortly after that. I put my tray away just like everyone else and followed Nick, Harry and Perrie up to our rooms. Apparently, the crew wasn't staying on the same floor as us, so we were alone in the elevator.

From the moment we stepped into the small place until we exited it, I could feel Harry's eyes on me. It was quite intimidating, seeing as it felt like he was staring right into my soul, and I couldn't really ignore it even if I wanted to.

The second Perrie and Nick disappeared into their rooms and I walked over to my door, I could feel a presence behind me. I turned around at the weird feeling, my eyebrows knitted together.

It was Harry.

Of course it was. Judging from the way he had been staring at me, I should have known he would confront me. That was what he had done that time at the Italian restaurant after all. The thing was, he was standing way closer to me now than he was that time, and if his staring had been intimidating before, it was nothing compared to now.

For the first time since I met him again after these two years, I could see that he had a stubble going on on his cheeks. It took me by surprise, making my eyes widen in realization because damn, it looked so incredibly good on him. It made him look more grown-up and mature, and I couldn't deny that it made him really attractive. The fact that his green eyes were staring directly into my own didn't exactly make things easier for me.

"Yes?" I asked, trying to mask my surprise by raising my eyebrows.

"Why?" He demanded, his jaw still clenched tightly as his eyes kept staring into my soul.

"Why what?" I had a feeling of what he was on about, but I decided to play dumb.

Inhaling a deep breath, he furrowed his eyebrows. "Why her?" He asked, this time sounding more hurt than frustrated and mad.

The transition caught me off guard, my mouth falling open. I had to remind myself that Harry - the person I hated - was the one standing in front of me and not anyone else. The way he continued looking at me with those hurt eyes made it very difficult, though.

"Why does it even matter?" I muttered, looking away from his face.

My reply made that hurt look disappear, instantly being replaced by that stone-cold expression. "You know exactly why it matters. Don't play dumb," he fired back, his nostrils flaring.

Narrowing my eyes, I looked back into his eyes. "Well, you know just as well as I that it's not like I have a fucking choice then. Do you seriously believe that I willingly 'got back together' with her?" I asked, making quote marks with my fingers. He knew that I wasn't dating her for real.

He let out a scoff, looking away from me momentarily. "It wouldn't surprise me," he muttered, and honestly, I had never wanted to punch him as badly as I wanted to right then. I couldn't believe he said that. He knew that I wanted her gone just as much as he wanted it back in the days, and he knew I didn't like her since he was aware I was only attracted to guys.

"You know what? Screw you!" I retorted. "And I can't believe you out of all people are the one saying that."

I shot him a glare before pressing my room card against the lock. Once the door was unlocked, I quickly opened it and entered my room, slamming it shut behind me as quickly as possible. God, I hated him. He had hurt me so fucking much, and it seemed like he just kept on doing it. Why couldn't I just stay the fuck away from him?

Flopping down on the bed, I buried my face in my pillow and almost screamed into it. I hated this. I hated everything about having to spend time with him. Why did I have to agree to all this? I was stupid, so fucking stupid to think that this was actually going to work. I didn't even care about Simon and standing up to him. Fuck that. Fuck everything.

Before putting my AirPods into my ears, the last thing I heard was the sound of Harry's door slamming shut, the loud noise echoing until it drowned out into the silence.

Chapter Text

A few hours later, I forced myself to trudge down to the lobby. Perrie was already there with Patrick, but Harry and Nick were nowhere to be seen. When I stopped in front of the two, I looked at my surroundings with my lips pressed together.

"Where are the rest?" I asked Patrick.

He crossed his arms over his chest, pursing his lips. "Most of the crew members have already left to prepare for the show. We're only waiting for Harry and Nick to arrive."

"Shocker," I muttered under my breath, rolling my eyes. "Can Perrie and I wait in the car in the meantime?"

A smile broke out on his face, and he extended his hand with the key in it. "Sure, but don't go anywhere without us," he said, dropping it in my palm as I held my own hand out.

"Promise," I replied, grabbing Perrie's arm to pull her with me towards the exit.

The black Range Rover was parked on the sidewalk right outside the hotel, and it was the only one out of the five we had brought still standing there, so I realized Patrick must have told the truth about the rest already having left.

I let go of Perrie's arm the second we stepped outside in the lovely weather for once. "Thank you," she mumbled with an eye roll.

After unlocking the car, we both got inside, taking the same seats we'd had since the first day. The second everything turned silent, Perrie turned to me with a look of expectation. "What?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Did something happen? Or why else was it so important to wait here and not in the lobby?"

I turned my gaze to the driver's seat in front of me, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth. "Nothing happened. Harry and I just had a bit of an argument," I muttered, ignoring the look she was giving me.

"Oh, so it's about that," she said, realization crossing her features. "I should have known. The way he was glaring at you when you were talking to Eleanor kind of spoke for it."

Furrowing my eyebrows, I turned to meet her gaze after all. "It's none of his business. I just don't understand why he cares so much. I mean, so what if I'm back to dating her in public again? It's only my problem these days," I muttered.

She pursed her lips, tilting her head to the side thoughtfully. "Didn't you two fight for her contract to end, though? Maybe he's just hurt that you went back to her after all the effort you put into it?" She considered.

"Maybe," I mumbled. "But it's not like I had a choice. I tried to tell him that, but he didn't believe me. He thinks I willingly got back together with her, and it's so fucking stupid because he knows I've never liked her like that. I'm not even into girls."

"I know, Louis. He probably didn't mean to say that. I'm sure he was just hurt," she reasoned.

I let out a scoff, raising my eyebrows at her. "Well, he can go suck his own fucking dick if that's it. He doesn't have a say in what's going on in my life anymore anyway."

Before she could open her mouth to reply, the doors opened, and the three people we were waiting on entered the car. Harry climbed into the seat next to Perrie while Nick and Patrick took the front seats. I refused to look at the curly-haired man, the irritation still present from our previous conversation.

The entire ride to the venue, EventCity, was quiet. The only thing that could be heard in the car was the sound of the radio playing, which was somewhat comforting, judging by the tension filling the air.

Once we arrived, Patrick showed us the way to the dressing room, where our stylists were already waiting for us. I had grown pretty close to the two females who usually got me ready for the show by now, so I greeted them genuinely with a smile on my face before sitting down on my chair.

This was the third day in a row we were doing this, so it almost felt like I was back into the old routines about getting ready for a new show every night. It was a strange feeling, but I didn't particularly dislike it. It was exciting and nostalgic, even though I wouldn't mind getting a day off once in a while.

Everyone was so caught up in their own bubble that neither one of us noticed that the dressing room door suddenly opened. It wasn't until a familiar voice cut through the room that we reacted, all of us turning in our seats in astonishment - everyone except Harry.

"Hi, my baby boy," Anne greeted excitedly, not hesitating to walk over and bring her son into a bone-crushing hug while he was still sitting on his chair.

Gemma was there too, but she stayed at the entrance, looking around the room curiously. The second her eyes settled on my shocked face, her eyes widened and a gasp escaped her lips. Anne was too busy greeting Harry to acknowledge her surroundings, but the sound of her daughter gasping had her standing up, removing her arms from Harry's body.

"What's wrong?" She asked, turning to Gemma, who was still looking at me.

Anne followed her gaze, her eyebrows pulled together, but the confusion instantly turned to surprise the second her eyes settled on me. "Oh, God. Louis," she breathed, her eyes widening.

Her eyes flicked to her son, then back to me at least five times until they eventually stayed on my figure. "You... Why didn't I know about this? It's been so long, oh God," she continued, her features filling with emotions. "Can I give you a hug?"

I could feel my jaw drop because I wasn't expecting this. Fuck, I never thought I would see either Anne or Gemma again, but here they were, right in front of my eyes, and Anne wanted to give me a hug? How could I ever say no to that? She was like a second mother to me and had been ever since I got to know her eight years ago.

Nodding my head, I could feel myself getting emotional as well. I hadn't met her since before my mum passed away, and seeing her now brought back so many memories of when we had spent time all four of us. "Of course," I replied, my voice hoarse.

She didn't hesitate to walk over and wrap her arms around my body, leaning down to rest her head on my shoulder. It was the best hug I had received in ages. I missed the feeling of having a mum, someone who cared for me with their entire heart, and although Anne could never beat my own mum, she was the closest anyone could come. Fuck, I couldn't take this right now.

It wasn't until she pulled away to look at me with those kind, blue eyes that could never mean any harm that I realized tears were threatening to spill from my eyes. I had to inhale a large breath to keep myself together because I had missed her so much.

"It's so nice to see you again, Louis," she smiled warmly, but her face suddenly turned sad again. "I'm so sorry about Jay. I wish I could have been there for you all when you went through her loss. She was a lovely human being."

"She was," I agreed, looking down at my lap. "I'm sorry about Robin. It must have been hard going through all that for you too," I frowned, looking back up to meet her gaze.

She nodded, giving me a sad smile. "Yeah, I guess we've all gone through losses of a loved one, but I'd like to think it makes us stronger. It makes us learn and realize things we shouldn't have done otherwise. Don't you agree?"

I do," I smiled, feeling my heart expand in my chest. When my mum passed away, I realized many things I couldn't take back even if I wanted to because it was too late now.

I didn't realize that everyone in the room had gone quiet and that almost all of them were looking at me and Anne. I should probably be used to getting attention, but I wasn't to this kind, not by people I knew.

"So, I'm assuming you're here to watch the show tonight?" Nick asked, breaking the silence that had suddenly occurred in the room.

Anne turned to him but stayed right next to me. "Yeah, we thought it'd be stupid to waste an opportunity like this now that you're so close to us. It's been a while since we saw Harry too," she explained, looking over at her son. "I'd like to have a word with him in private right now, though, if that's okay?"

A look of panic flashed through Harry's eyes, and I knew that she was the only person in the world who could make that look appear. If there was anyone Harry looked up to and respected dearly, it was his mum, and it had always been.

His stylists didn't protest when he got up from his seat to follow Anne out of the room. Gemma took the opportunity to sit down on Harry's now empty chair, crossing her arms over her chest. "Long time no see, Lou. How's your life been?" She asked, turning to me with a smile on her face.

I was a bit surprised by her forwardness, but I didn't let it show. "Alright, I guess. I've taken some time off after the One Direction years," I explained. "What about you? How have you been? It feels like I haven't seen you in forever."

It had been forever. I was pretty sure I hadn't met Gemma since before I even bought that stupid engagement ring to Harry the summer before we broke up. And after we did break up, it was only natural that we didn't meet. Gemma and I had always gotten along, though. She was only a year older than me, and she had the same sense of humor as her brother.

"It really does," she agreed. "I've been alright, shouldn't be complaining, right?" She smiled, looking around the room. Her gaze found the teacup on the desk in front of me, and a wide grin formed on her lips. "Remember when I used to put shaving cream in your and Harry's teas whenever you were getting ready for a show?"

Her face was now expressing a look of amusement, and I couldn't help but let out a loud laugh because of course, I remembered. "Every fucking time. I don't understand how we never picked up on it," I said, shaking my head with a broad smile on my lips.

I wasn't thrilled at the time, but it was pretty funny now that she reminded me of it. "And in return, we put whipping cream in your shoes," I smirked, and this time, she threw her head back too.

"At least I picked up on it and stopped taking them off. I ended up getting the floor all dirty every time, and Harry was so mad at me," she chuckled, shaking her head. "He shouldn't have put cream in my shoes to begin with if he didn't want that to happen."

The smile remained on my face for a while because the memories brought back so much joy. It should probably feel weird talking about my ex like this, but I didn't mind it for some reason. I didn't know I missed those days as much as I did, but I realized now that it was probably the part of my life I loved the most. Everything had just been so great back then... apart from everything that was going on with our management, of course.

Harry and Anne returned a while after that. It was something about the look on Harry's face that made me freeze in my seat upon seeing him because there he was. There was the guy I had been in love with two years ago, the guy who wore his heart on his sleeve and let anyone in on what he was feeling. Forget about those sunglasses and that emotionless look on his face. This was the real Harry Styles.

He looked sad, though. It was like Anne had taken off his mask during their conversation, letting his emotions spring free. His lips were turned into a frown, and his eyes looked dull. But no matter what, I couldn't help but like this look better than the ones I had seen on him recently because this at least felt real. I thought I would never see this Harry again, but here he was. I just didn't know how long it would last, but I wasn't going to miss a single second of it.

His eyes settled on me when he walked back to his chair that Gemma quickly got up from. It was only briefly, but the sad look was still there, and it cut through my body like a knife. He was hurt, that much was obvious.

Feeling a bit taken aback, I turned in my seat to face the mirror, hoping that the stylists were finished soon so that I could go out and get some fresh air before we had to enter the venue.

Anne and Gemma stayed in the dressing room until we were finished. Gemma and Perrie fell into a deep conversation about God knows what, and Gemma even ended up bringing a chair to sit next to her. Meanwhile, Anne talked to the rest of us, but more to me and Nick than Harry because he seemed to have gone quiet after his conversation with his mum.

Since Harry had been gone for a while, he was finished last, so I decided to go out to have a smoke in the meantime. I found a backdoor close to the dressing room and didn't waste a second to light up a cigarette, inhaling a deep puff of smoke.

I didn't know that anyone had followed me until I blew out the smoke through my nostrils, and the sound of the door opening was heard behind me. I turned around in confusion, surprise taking over my features as the dark-haired woman who had once been my soon-to-be mother-in-law came into view.

"Anne," I greeted, turning around to look into the distance again.

She stopped beside me, keeping her gaze forward as well. When she didn't say anything, I turned to her while inhaling another puff of smoke. "You want to talk about Harry, don't you?" I assumed, raising my eyebrows at her.

She let out a sigh, turning to meet my gaze. "Yeah, I guess."

"You know what happened between us?"

Shaking her head, she exhaled a deep breath. "No, he won't tell me. He's just told me that you hurt him."

I doubt that...

"He hurt me too," I said, my eyebrows pulling together. I mean, I knew I wasn't innocent because what I did was stupid, but he was definitely guilty as well.

"Yeah, he told me that."

I did a double-take at her words. So he knew he was at fault? Then why did he always make it seem like I was the only one who had done something wrong? "Do you know why he is the way he is? You know, the way he bosses around? Since I first met him almost two weeks ago, he's been... different."

"I think I know what you mean," she sighed, biting her lip. "His manager wants him to handle things a certain way, which he wasn't a big fan of in the beginning, but I think he's grown used to it now. I don't think he's ever admitted it, but I'm pretty sure he had a harder time dealing with going solo than he's let on. I know he misses the support he always had from you, that you were there to have his back when things went wrong. I'm not saying it's true, but I think that's the reason he's a bit different these days. He's hiding behind a mask, though. I know it's not the real him."

Letting out a hum, I pursed my lips. So, Simon had been right after all. Harry's record label did actually succeed in their plan... or, at least part of it. Although I barely knew what had happened since we departed two years ago, let alone what the people over him did to him exactly, I didn't like it, but I was glad it wasn't worse. I couldn't help but wonder what their thoughts were on his sexuality, though. Were they handling it better than our management did? Or were they also homophobic assholes?

"Do you think I make things worse for him? It feels like he's more different when I'm around," I asked, looking down at the ground.

I could feel her place a hand on my shoulder. "As mentioned before, Louis, I don't know what happened between you two, but you have always been the one person he relies on. Maybe that is why he's acting different when you're around, especially now that you're not together anymore. I don't think he knows how to be around you, and I'm pretty sure he finds the situation tough since you mean a lot to him."

I pursed my lips, knowing that most certainly couldn't be true. It didn't stop my heart from skipping a beat, though. "If you knew what he did to me, you'd probably not say that. Maybe he did love me once, but not towards the end. He made that pretty clear," I said, bringing the cig to my mouth to inhale one last puff of it.

Anne pulled her eyebrows together, humming quietly. She was silent for a while, probably thinking about my previous words. "What are your thoughts on him then?"

I turned to meet her gaze, exhaling the smoke through my nose. "I don't know, Anne. I honestly don't know," I admitted, dropping the cig on the ground to put it out. "I just don't know what to think anymore."

And it was true. I didn't even know who he was. Sometimes - most times - it felt like I didn't even know him anymore. He was just so different. But the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about him, caring about his doings, and making sure he wasn't getting into trouble was proof that deep down, he still meant something to me, and he would probably always do.

Chapter Text

"Lou?" Harry mumbled where he was lying with his head on my chest, one arm wrapped around my upper body.

We were sprawled out on my unzipped sleeping bag in our tent at the Leeds Festival, just having gotten back from the show that ended a few hours ago. We had stayed behind to talk to a few fans and some other people we had met during the day, just hanging around and enjoying our time together.

"Yeah?"

He wasn't looking at me as he fiddled with the hem of my t-shirt, his gaze on his hand. He didn't say anything, which confused me because he was usually never nervous around me. He always told me whatever was on his mind.

"What is it, Haz?" I asked with a frown on my face.

Another minute passed in silence, and I knew he was biting his lip even if he wasn't facing me. "Hey," I said, running my hand through his unruly curls. "You know you can tell me anything."

Then he turned his head up so quickly that I thought he would get whiplash just to press his lips against mine chastely. It only lasted for a few seconds, but it was enough for me to feel goosebumps appear on my entire body. I had never experienced a kiss like this before, so it saddened me that I didn't have time to reciprocate it before it was over.

When he pulled back, he instantly looked back down again and stayed quiet. My body had frozen entirely. I was so shocked. I had been in love with this boy for a whole year, but I had been too afraid to make a move on him because I didn't want to ruin anything, but here he was right now, kissing me.

"Harry, please look at me," I pleaded when most of the shock had subsided.

But he refused and kept his head on my chest while fiddling with my t-shirt. It left me with no other choice but to take his chin in my hand and turn his face up so that he was finally looking into my eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his eyes filled with tears. "I shouldn't have done that. I don't want to ruin anything... but I..." He trailed off.

Before he could even think of turning his face away, I leaned down to connect our lips again, this time more sincerely and gently than before. He instantly melted into the kiss, moving his pouty lips against mine sweetly. The feeling that erupted within me couldn't be described. My heart started beating frantically in my chest as butterflies erupted in my stomach, my lips tingling from his touch.

When we eventually pulled away, we stayed close to stare into each other's eyes lovingly. That cute, dimpled smile was spread on his now even poutier lips, his cheeks tinted a rosy red. "I really like you, Lou," he mumbled sheepishly, which made me want to cradle his face in my hands and kiss him all over again.

"I've liked you ever since I first saw you, Haz."

-----

We stayed in Manchester for two days. Or, Nick, Perrie and I did while Harry decided to spend the time at Anne's place. He didn't even say a word when he rolled his suitcases out of his room and checked out of the hotel to head to Holmes Chapel, but he had apparently talked to Patrick about it.

He had returned an hour before we left the hotel today, though, so it wasn't really a bother. I should probably only be happy about his absence because that meant I could easily stay away from him without even having to try. But somehow, I still couldn't stop thinking about him, wondering what he was doing at the moment. It wasn't a good thing, but I couldn't help it.

We had now arrived in Leeds, a place that had always been important to me and Harry. Whenever we talked about our relationship, we would always say that we had been together ever since the beginning, but in reality, the first night we spent at the Leeds festival in the summer of 2011 was when we first actually confessed our feelings for each other.

The thing was, we had acted like a couple ever since the start, and both of us admitted that it was pretty much love at first sight, so we would always say that we had been together since the X Factor days. That night at the Leeds festival was when we first started calling each other boyfriend, though.

Harry hadn't taken off his Leeds bracelet until months later, and when he did, he replaced it with his 'I can't change' tattoo that I later had the quotation marks for. It symbolized our love, which we later exchanged for a rope and an anchor.

Now that things hadn't turned out the way we thought, it felt a bit weird to have so many tattoos that were related to him, but at the same time, I knew that he would always have a special place in my heart no matter what. He was my first love after all.

We were currently getting ready for the show. We had just been fixed up by the stylists in the dressing room and were heading into the stadium that would be filled with people. Harry had barely spoken a word since he returned from Holmes Chapel this morning. He had only talked to Nick that I knew of, but other than that, he had kept to himself and his phone.

I couldn't help but find it a bit odd. I thought he would have gone back to the Harry he had been ever since the beginning of this journey by now, but that wasn't the case. He didn't exactly express any feelings, though, so he wasn't the Harry I had always known either. He just seemed... sad.

We all entered the stadium, greeting the audience while walking to the judges' table. I took my seat next to Perrie and Harry, sitting down on the grey pillow before taking a sip of water from the glass in front of me.

"You reckon it'll be a good day?" Perrie asked, raising her eyebrows at me.

I nodded, a small smile making its way to my face. "I don't expect anything else from this city."

I wasn't sure if Harry heard me, but he didn't show any sign of doing so. He was playing with one of his rings while looking into the distance, although his mind seemed elsewhere. It was like he was there physically but not mentally, and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking about.

The first contestant entered the stage not long after that, and it turned out the city really was delivering. We sent through ten different acts in only the first hour, which was something out of the ordinary. But it wasn't until a teenage girl entered the stage that I had to take a moment to breathe because what came out of her mouth during her introduction caught me off guard completely.

"What's your name?" Perrie asked, sending the girl a smile.

"My name's Aaliyah," she replied, and I couldn't help but notice how her gaze flickered between me and Harry.

"What brings you here today?" Perrie continued, tilting her head in curiosity.

Aaliyah cleared her throat, a nervous laugh escaping her lips. "Umm... actually, I'm here because of Harry and Louis."

"So you're a fan of One Direction then?" Perrie asked, looking at me and Harry quickly. "You chose the wrong band, girl."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, shut it, Pez."

Perrie just chuckled while I turned back to look at the girl, who seemed to have gained a bit of confidence after being on stage for a while now. "Yeah, I'm a huge fan," she smiled, her gaze falling on me and Harry again. "But uh, you two in particular have always been my favorites. There was just something about your relationship that made me so happy, and it encouraged me to sing, so it's an honor to be standing in front of you right now."

My mouth fell open in surprise, and I could see Harry tensing in his seat, his body seeming more like a statue than a living human being. "I... Wow, thank you. I'm glad we uh, did that... Good luck," I said, and I knew how tight the smile I sent her was, but I figured it didn't really matter because this would have to be cut out anyway. There was no way they would broadcast this audition on television.

The people in the production rolled out a black piano for Aaliyah. She sat down, inhaled a deep breath before she started singing. And if things weren't already bad before, the song she had chosen to sing was 'Old Friends' by Jasmine Thompson. The lyrics, along with her voice, brought tears to my eyes almost immediately, reminding me of the days in the band, especially back when Harry and I had first met and were close to inseparable. I had to look up at the ceiling and blink in order to not make the tears fall. Fuck, I was not prepared for this.

"I miss my old friends 'cause they know when I need them the most. I made some new friends, and they're cool friends, but they don't know what I do, what I got, who I am, and who I'm not. I miss my old friends... I miss my old friends..." There was a small break where she kept playing the keys on the piano beautifully while looking at the crowd with a small smile on her face.

"I miss the good times we had. Now I don't know who's got my back. Somebody told me to light up every room, make them remember you, but nobody here knows what I'm going through. No, they never do. I miss my old friends 'cause they know when I need them the most. I made some new friends, and they're cool friends, but they don't know what I do, what I got, who I am, and who I'm not. I miss my old friends... I miss my old friends..."

When she finished singing, I inhaled a deep breath and turned to Perrie. I didn't dare look at Harry because what if he wasn't affected by the performance? Or worse, what if he was close to tears as well? It was just better not to know.

"I'm pretty sure we are all pretty moved by your performance. It was beautiful," Perrie complimented.

I nodded in agreement. "It was very beautiful, indeed. Thank you so much for sharing that with us, Aaliyah," I smiled, absentmindedly wiping at my cheek that had a teardrop running down it.

Harry didn't say anything. He just passed the word over to Nick, who agreed with what Perrie and I had just said. It made me even more confused than I already was by Harry's actions. What was going on?

The second we had all let her through to Bootcamp, and she had left the stage, Harry got up from his seat abruptly and left the table, his glittery black suit disappearing behind the side of the stage. Everyone in the audience went quiet, and Perrie, Nick and I just stared in the direction he had just disappeared in.

"Let's take a break," Patrick said in a microphone behind the stage, his voice sounding troubled.

Nick turned to me then, his eyes narrowed. "This is all your fucking fault."

My mouth fell open. "What? I didn't do shit," I retorted, glaring back at him.

He rolled his eyes as if I was stupid. "If it weren't for you, he would have been fine. He wouldn't be like this. I hope you're fucking happy."

With that said, he got up and followed Harry behind the stage while I just sat there, feeling stunned and slightly upset because if what he said was true, Harry didn't have the right. He didn't have the right to feel that way when he was the one who had basically thrown the words 'I don't love you anymore' in my face that evening.

Nothing of what Nick just said made any sense, and what about all the other partners Harry had had after me? How could Nick be so sure he wasn't affected by those relationships? Because there was no way I could be so important to him anymore. 

Burying my face in my hands, I let out a loud groan. "I fucking hate this shit," I muttered.

I could feel a hand on my shoulder, and I knew it was Perrie. She moved her hand back and forth in a soothing manner, making tears well up in my eyes all over again. "It'll be okay," she reassured me.

Dropping my hands from my face, I looked at her with furrowed brows. It wasn't until then I realized that the entire audience was probably looking at us now. Good thing our microphones were turned off so that they couldn't hear what we were saying at least. "How are things possibly going to be okay? We've been trying to be in the same room as each other for over a week now, and I still can't see any progress."

She tilted her head to the side. "You might not see it, but I do. Even if you're still not exactly talking to each other, things are better than they were in the beginning. He wouldn't even let you speak to him, remember?"

I pursed my lips, looking away from her. "Yeah, I remember, but he confronted me the day after that, so I don't really think that counts as progress," I muttered, remembering the evening at the restaurant.

"He what? When?" She asked in confusion. Right, she didn't know about that.

Letting out a sigh, I ran a hand through my hair. "Remember when we were at the restaurant, and I told you I was going to the bathroom? I went out to have a smoke instead, and Harry followed me," I explained.

Her mouth formed the shape of an 'o' as realization hit her. "He confronted you about Logan, didn't he?" She said knowingly, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, but it was stupid. First off, I wasn't even flirting with him, and secondly, Harry was being an ass that entire evening, especially when he talked to me, and it's not like things have gotten any better after that." Apart from the night at the pub when he helped me from being sexually assaulted by that guy, but she didn't need to know that. I would have done the same thing if I were him anyway.

"Except he gave you those painkillers the day after we were out. That was probably the kindest gesture I've seen him do to you since the first day, even if he said he did it only because he didn't want to hear you complaining about your headache," she chuckled.

"He's an ass," I said, shaking my head.

"Yeah, but you weren't exactly nice when you told him off for wearing those sunglasses inside the diner either," she pointed out, raising her eyebrows at me.

My mouth fell open. "You heard that? I thought you were too busy typing on your phone. Anyway, after the way he's been acting towards me since the first day, I think he kind of deserved it. Besides, it was disrespectful. You can't deny that."

She nodded. "You're right, but I think something changed when he met his mum, don't you agree? I have a feeling she made him realize something."

I shrugged, although I had seen the change as well. He was still wearing a mask, unlike when he returned to the dressing room after talking to Anne, but his face and body language showed sadness instead of nothing. So yes, his demeanor had changed, I could admit that.

"Maybe."

-----

Harry and Nick returned after a while, neither of the two so much as looking my way as they did so. Patrick told us to continue within the next minute, and so we did, a new contestant entering the stage shortly after.

That was how we spent the rest of our afternoon. It was eight in the evening when we finally left the stadium and went back to the hotel, but not before stopping at a McDonald's drive-in to get some food in our systems. So, in reality, we didn't return to the hotel until nine-thirty.

Nick and Harry were about to walk over to the bar in the lobby when Perrie opened her mouth to break the silence between us. Patrick had already left to join the rest of the crew, so it was only the four of us. "We're going to a spa tomorrow," she announced.

"What?" Nick sputtered, turning around in surprise. "A spa?"

Perrie nodded. "Yes, a spa."

"I'm not joining," I muttered, looking away from them. It was pretty tempting to have a massage, but there was no way I was going there with Nick and Harry. Just the thought of having to see Harry in only swimming trunks... No.

"I'm not going either," Harry mumbled, his eyebrows pinched together.

His lack of enthusiasm made me confused. He had been nothing but excited about doing everything else we had planned this journey so far, but apparently, that wasn't the case this time. However, if he wasn't going to be there, it might not be as big of a problem. The idea of getting a massage sounded pretty nice, and a day at the spa would be relaxing. I could definitely use that after these hectic days.

"Patrick has already booked it, so you have no choice but to come. He said he thinks it'd be a great idea for us to spend some time together outside of the show."

I opened my mouth to protest, but Perrie smacked a hand against my chest. "No buts, Louis."

Letting out a sigh, I ran a hand through my feathery hair. Harry stayed quiet while Nick seemed to be the only one apart from Perrie who was excited about this. Harry didn't look up to meet any of our gazes before turning around to head to the bar he and Nick had been about to go to earlier, and the shorter-haired man quickly followed behind.

Perrie and I headed to the elevator, but before we entered it, I couldn't help but glance back towards the two men who were now sitting at the bar, probably ordering some drink. Harry didn't seem very enthusiastic about it, though, and that fact made me even more confused about him.

The second Perrie and I had to separate to enter our rooms, she hesitated and turned to me. "I'm sorry about the whole spa thing. I know you don't want to hang out with them, but Patrick wished for us to do something together, so I suggested the spa. I'm sorry," she apologized, but I sent her a reassuring smile.

"It's not your fault. I'm not mad at you, Pez. I'd just rather not go there with... them," I scowled, biting my bottom lip.

"I'll be there by your side, though, I promise," she grinned.

"I sure hope so," I smiled faintly.

She lifted my hand to give it a light squeeze. "Goodnight, Lou."

"Night, Pez."

With that said, we entered our separate rooms and shut the doors behind us. This room was probably the smallest one so far, but I wasn't complaining. It was still cozy with a queen-sized bed, a desk against the opposite wall and a flat-screen above it. There was also a full-length mirror in the entryway, and the view from the large windows was amazing. You could even see the outskirts of the city, and I knew that somewhere out there was the place where the Leeds Festival was always arranged.

Looking down at my hands, I could feel my gaze getting stuck on the rope on my wrist. I couldn't help but let my fingers trace the ink, following the pattern slowly. I didn't know why I was doing this, but my limbs were moving with their free will, and there was no way to stop them.

Eventually, I snapped out of my trance and sat down on the edge of the bed to pull my t-shirt over my head and toss it somewhere on the floor. I then wiggled myself out of the black jeans I was wearing along with my socks before getting under the covers, pulling my pillow towards me to place it under my head.

It felt like this day had gone on forever. I couldn't believe we had just arrived here this morning and that we were staying for another day. I also tried to tell myself that it would be nice to spend a day at the spa with the other guys tomorrow, that nothing could really go wrong.

With that thought in my head, I closed my eyes and prepared for sleep to take over. But only a few seconds later, I could hear the sound of the door closing in the room next to mine. I tried not to think about it, but I was awfully aware that it was Harry's room, so instead, I perked my ears.

Just like in Cardiff, the walls weren't very isolated, so I could hear how he strolled around in the room, his shoes clicking against the floor. It almost sounded like he was pacing.

It didn't take long until the footsteps faded out, though, and were replaced by silence, which I took as a sign that he must have gone to bed. I continued trying to make out sounds for a while until I decided to leave it and closed my eyes to get ready for sleep once again.

But before the darkness took over completely, I swore I could hear the sound of crying. It wasn't very clear, only a few silent sobs were escaping his lips, but it was enough for me to feel a knot form in my stomach because if there was something I couldn't handle, it was Harry crying.

I didn't have time to think more about it until I was surrounded by darkness, sleep taking over completely.

Chapter Text

Breakfast was very silent the next day. I sneaked a few glances at Harry, trying to notice any signs of tears on his face, but there were none. He looked sad, though, which I took as a sign that my imagination wasn't just playing a trick on me the other night. 

It probably shouldn't, but this fact bugged me because the Harry I had gotten to know the first few days of this journey had not shown any signs of being vulnerable or close to tears. He seemed like the most confident and cold-hearted (to me) man ever, the way he had worn those sunglasses like a diva, and the way he had flirted his way into that pub and got us free drinks from the bar.

What happened to him?

Not that I was particularly sad that persona wasn't there anymore, but I didn't like him being sad either. If he was crying, I wanted to know why. It had always been something my inner self needed so that I could make things better. The thing was, I couldn't ask him about it now, and I shouldn't want to either.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him during the entire breakfast. The only time I broke my stare was when I looked down to see what food I was putting into my mouth. He didn't turn to meet my gaze once. Not that I thought he would, and not that I wanted him to. I just wanted to keep an eye on him.

"We're leaving in half an hour, Louis, since we have to find you some swimming trunks before going to the spa," Perrie informed, nudging me in the side to snap me out of my trance.

I turned to her while letting out a sigh. "Alright. Let's meet in the lobby then, yeah?"

She nodded before getting up from her chair to get rid of her tray. I followed suit, but not before glancing at Harry one more time. He was talking to Nick now, but it still seemed like he wanted to be somewhere else. His eyebrows were pinched together, the crease edged into his features seeming permanent now. He was looking down too, but I could still see his lips moving. Averting my gaze to look ahead of me, I bit my bottom lip, trying my best not to think about the previous night. The truth would hopefully come out soon anyway.

Perrie and I separated once we reached our rooms, and the first thing I decided to do was clean. It seemed like I couldn't visit a single hotel without somehow managing to throw my clothes everywhere. If it weren't for the fact that we were leaving tonight, I probably wouldn't have cared about cleaning, though, but that was beside the point.

I finished five minutes before I had to be in the lobby, so I hurried into the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I emerged from it, I slid my feet into my Vans, then placed my hand on the door handle to exit the room. But before I had time to open it, I heard the sound of someone humming on the other side of the wall.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I let go of the handle and walked over to stand next to the flat screen so that I could hear better.

"What am I now? What am I now? What if I'm someone I don't want around...?"

A knot formed in my stomach at the sound of Harry's angelic voice. Apart from when he had been singing in the shower (more like screaming, to be honest) that night, this was the first time I had heard him sing in two years, and there was something about the way he sang those words that made them feel so emotional.

Could he be talking about the way he had acted the first few days? The persona I had spoken to Anne about, where she said his manager wanted him to be a certain way that he had now gotten used to? And the persona I had possibly added fuel to the fire to?

Swallowing, I retracted from the wall and hurried out of the room, almost running towards the elevator. I just wanted to get away, not even caring that I was rushing just to go shopping.

Perrie was sitting on one of the couches when I got to the lobby, one of her legs crossed over the other with her face turned towards the phone in her hands. "Ah, there you are," I smiled, probably too wide for seeming natural.

"Yeah, I've been here for five minutes, Lou. Are you ready to go?" She asked, seeming a little confused.

"More than ready," I replied, and judging from the way she furrowed her eyebrows, I was sure it made her even more confused.

"Alright then."

We exited the hotel side by side, walking over to the cab Perrie had called to pick us up. Unfortunately, the ride downtown didn't last longer than ten minutes, so we had to exit the car sooner than I wanted to. The feeling of not caring about going shopping had definitely subsided by now.

"Come on, I'm not buying these swimming trunks for you, and I'm sure you don't want to go to the spa naked," she said, waiting for me to get out.

She walked over to stand on the other side of my door, giving me a pointed look with her head tilted to the side through the window. I pursed my lips but reluctantly climbed out of the vehicle. Perrie shut the door behind me, pulling my arm under her own to start dragging me forward.

"This is going to be fun."

-----

Shopping for swimming trunks was as far from fun as you could possibly come, but I did end up buying a pair of dark blue ones anyway. Perrie dragged me through the shop, showing me different types and colors. I tried to seem interested, but it wasn't easy since I despised shopping in stores. What was wrong with online shopping?

Once we found the pair, we left the store and returned to the hotel to pick up Nick and Harry. It seemed like I was the only one who hadn't thought of bringing swimwear, which I found odd since we weren't engaging in anything that had to do with water, and it wasn't warm enough outside to sunbathe either, but the problem was solved now at least.

A few people stopped us on our way to where the cab had dropped us off, so we returned to the hotel a few minutes later than we had first intended. And of course it turned out the two were on time for once. They were standing outside the hotel when we arrived, with their bags at their feet.

"Where have you been?" Nick huffed, slamming the passenger door shut behind him when they entered the car.

Harry got into the seat on the other side of me, leaving Perrie with no other choice but to scoot over to the middle seat. "We've been shopping for swimming trunks as I told you we would," Perrie replied.

"You said you would be back at eleven. It's eleven-thirty right now," Nick pointed out, looking back at Perrie.

"As if you're ever on time," I muttered under my breath, looking out the window.

"What did you say, Tomlinson?" Nick asked, raising his voice.

I decided not to reply since I figured it would only make things worse. Patrick wanted us to get on better terms, not the opposite. "We were stopped by a few fans, alright? There was nothing we could do about it," Perrie replied, ignoring Nick's comment.

The man let out a huff, turning back in his seat to look out the windshield. We all stayed quiet for the rest of the ride, and I was pretty sure Harry didn't even move where he was sitting, looking out the window with an unreadable look on his face.

I couldn't help but think about the way I had heard him sing earlier this morning, how vulnerable and exposed he had sounded. It made me think of when he had sung 'If I Could Fly' to me for the first time. I had been so emotionally affected by it that I had let a few tears slip without even knowing it, and the fact that it was written about me... I didn't understand how I managed to hold it together.

Pulling myself out of my thoughts, I looked back out the window, trying to get rid of what I had just been thinking about.

Luckily, we arrived at the spa only a few minutes later, and we exited the cab together. With the plastic bag in one hand and my bag in the other, I entered the place with the other guys. The first thing I noticed when we stepped inside was that it was fancy. The floor was of creamy white tiles, and the walls were of the same creamy color. Long, brown curtains adorned the big windows while the furniture was of brown wood.

While I stayed behind with Nick and Harry, Perrie walked over to do the talking since she was the one who had spoken to Patrick about our booking. After a while, a woman guided us to the changing rooms, and it wasn't until we were standing outside the two doors that it dawned on me that I would have to be alone with Harry and Nick.

I inhaled a large breath while glancing at Perrie. She gave me a quick thumbs-up before entering the ladies' changing room, leaving me alone with the two guys. Without so much as acknowledging them, I walked past the two to find a locker as far away from them as possible. I quickly stripped down to my boxers before wrapping the white towel I had been given around my waist to shield my body while exchanging my boxers for the trunks.

I wasn't ashamed of my body. I just didn't want anyone to see me naked. Only one of the guys in the room had done so, and I would rather it stayed that way. Besides, I didn't want him to do it again, especially not when things were as they were between us.

Once I was finished and had shut my locker, I went to the showers. I was the only one there, so I could choose whichever I wanted. After deciding on one, I turned on the water, testing it out first so that it wouldn't be too cold. I then put my foot under the stream and got under the shower spray when I decided the water was warm enough.

Closing my eyes, I let the water pour down my body, soaking every inch of my skin. I ran my hands through my wet hair a couple of times until I heard the sound of someone entering the showers.

I opened my eyes, feeling my breath hitch in my throat when seeing Harry standing right in front of me with only a pair of navy blue trunks hugging his waist. That wasn't all, though. They were so short that they barely left anything to the imagination, and I just didn't understand why he always bought them when there were so many longer ones on the market.

I also couldn't help but notice how muscular he had become. He had always had abs, but they were more prominent now, and he looked more well-built in general than he did back in the days too.

It was his tattoos along with his exposed skin that made flashbacks appear in my head, and I suddenly felt a strong urge to touch him. I wanted to trace the swallows on his chest, I wanted to run my fingers along the outlines of his moth, and I wanted to place my hand on his heart to feel his heartb- No, absolutely not.

Snapping myself out of my thoughts, I looked away from his body and closed my eyes again. I didn't know if he had caught me staring, but I hoped he didn't because that would be humiliating.

I decided I was finished a few seconds later, and I quickly got out of the shower to head into the spa area. The place was huge, with three different pools and four jacuzzis. There were sunbeds on one side of every pool, and windows covered the entire wall towards the outside. It was good that it wasn't located towards the streets because that would have been a nightmare.

Perrie was already lying on one of the sunbeds when I got there, a white robe covering her body as she was staring at the phone in her hands. The second she noticed me, she sat up, a smile breaking out on her face. "It wasn't too bad to change in the same room as them, was it?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

I just rolled my eyes, deciding not to reply to that. "What did you have in mind when you suggested we should go here out of all places?" I asked, not fitting the puzzle pieces together.

"I have a plan," she smiled, leaving me to just stare at her.

"What kind of plan?" I voiced, suddenly feeling nervous because this was Perrie we were talking about. She could be thinking of anything.

"You'll see."

Luckily, Harry and Nick joined us only a minute later, so I wouldn't have to wait long to find out about her plan. Harry stood with his arms crossed over his chest while Nick had his on his hips, looking at Perrie while I was standing next to her.

"Let's get into one of the jacuzzis," she suggested, pointing in the direction of them.

Harry and Nick followed her without making any protest. They also got into the jacuzzi first, claiming the two seats that viewed the garden on the other side of the windows. Perrie and I joined them, the warm water instantly relaxing my muscles. Yet, I couldn't help but feel a bit uncomfortable because even if Harry was sitting across from me, it felt like he was too close.

"So, since Patrick wanted us to spend time together for obvious reasons, I thought we might as well get to know each other better because that is one of the reasons things aren't working out. That being said, I think we should play twenty questions, but with a little twist. Instead of everyone answering the question, they get to guess what the person asking the question's answer is," she informed.

"Isn't that game for like three-year-olds?" Nick snorted, rolling his eyes.

Perrie shot him a glare. "It's not. But you might have a better idea for us all to talk and open up to each other?"

When Nick didn't reply, she pointedly tilted her head to the side. "That's what I thought."

I didn't want to play this game. It wasn't because it was lame, but because I didn't want to answer anything that had to do with Harry, and I didn't want him to answer things that had to do with me. Fuck, I knew I couldn't trust Perrie.

"I'll go first," Perrie announced, pursing her lips. "Who's my idol?"

Nick was the first one to speak up, "I'd say your mum. You feel like a mummy's girl," he smirked, to which she rolled her eyes.

"I'll say Beyoncé because she's incredibly talented," I said, and Perrie nodded in agreement.

Harry bit his bottom lip, the crease between his eyebrows still prominent. "Lady Gaga," he eventually guessed.

Perrie looked pleasantly surprised by our answers. "Louis' right. My idol is Queen B," she announced, sending me a smile.

Nick let out a snort. "He probably already knew."

"I didn't," I objected, looking at him with furrowed brows.

"No, he didn't," Perrie agreed, raising an eyebrow at the taller lad.

"I'll go next," Harry butted in, interrupting our argument, which was probably for the best. He looked at me for a few seconds before averting his gaze. "What's my favorite color?"

Thank God. His favorite color had always varied over the years, so I didn't know the answer to this question, which was a good thing. The fewer answers I knew about him, the easier it would be to play this game. "I'll go ahead and say yellow because the color suits you," Perrie said, sending him a genuine smile.

Harry's face brightened up, even if the sadness was still evident in his eyes. "Thank you, Pez."

"Of course."

"I'll say green," I shrugged. It was the first color I came up with.

Harry didn't move a muscle at my answer but turned to Nick instead. "Well, I'm going to say blue because you wear that color quite often," Nick said, turning to meet the curly-haired man's gaze.

Harry's features suddenly turned void of emotion, and he looked down at the surface of the water for a few seconds before looking up at me. "Yeah, blue's right."

I had to swallow due to how intense his gaze was. It was like he was trying to tell me something, and I had to look away not to feel sick.

"Alright, I'll go next," I announced, clearing my throat. "What's my biggest fear?"

It took a while until they spoke up, but eventually, Perrie was the one to break the silence. "Heights?" She guessed, making it sound more like a question than a statement.

I turned to Harry, and thankfully, he wasn't staring at me anymore. Instead, he was looking down at the water again.

"I'll say being judged," Nick said, making me snap my head to him and look at him in confusion. He shrugged his shoulders. "You're not out of the closet."

Harry instantly reacted to his words, his eyes boring into his friend's. "I'm not out either, but I'm still not scared of being judged... not anymore, at least. It has nothing to do with that," he frowned.

Nick raised his hands in surrender. "Alright, sorry. It was just a guess," he apologized, but it didn't really look like he was sorry. It pissed me off, but I kept myself from saying anything and just looked away from him.

"Um... I'll say fear of the unknown," Harry mumbled so quietly that I barely heard it, but I did, and his words surprised me to the point where I went speechless.

I didn't expect him to say that. If I were honest, I thought he wouldn't even answer the question, but he did, and I understood why he said what he did, which only added to why I found myself at a loss for words. "I uh... My biggest fear is losing control," I confessed, biting my bottom lip. The thing was, Harry's answer was part of my fear. It was just another way to see it.

"Now that I think about it, I can see that," Perrie said thoughtfully. "You always want to know what's going on around you, and you've been through a lot of things that you haven't had control over. That can easily create a fear of it."

I hummed, avoiding all of their gazes while looking down. It was the first time I had felt this exposed in front of them this journey, and I didn't enjoy it.

Thankfully, Nick broke the silence by asking a question about himself shortly after that, and the game went on without any more uncomfortable situations. That was if you didn't count the parts where Harry asked questions about himself that I knew the answers to. For example, when he asked what country he would have been born if he could be born in any country in the world, 'Italy' was what instantly crossed my mind. And when he asked what food he would never order at a restaurant was, the first thing I thought of was 'pizza' because he had always said that pizza was not for restaurants but takeaway, when you were too lazy to cook your own food.

I was right every time, but I never gave the correct answers because I couldn't. It would only create an awkward atmosphere, and I didn't want more of those. The game had already started badly enough.

We eventually split from each other, where Perrie and I went one way, and Nick and Harry another. We switched to one of the pools when this took place, and it was actually very relaxing. When it all came around, I was happy Perrie had suggested going here. The only thing that was still waiting for us was the massage, and that was what I had been looking forward to the most.

Two workers came into the spa to show us the way to the rooms about an hour and a half after we had arrived. We followed them, and it wasn't until we were standing outside the massage rooms that I realized we might not be in separate ones because there were only two doors.

"Harry and Louis, you're coming with me," one of the workers said while the other informed Nick and Perrie the same thing.

Of course. Was there any chance that Patrick was behind this? I wouldn't be surprised.

"My co-worker and I are going to be the ones doing your massages," the man informed while opening the door to the room.

It was so dark that you couldn't see anything but the two massage beds on each side of it. I was thankful that there was at least some space between them because it was already bad enough that I had to be in the same room as Harry.

Harry and I laid down on the two beds while the man walked out of the room, probably to fetch his co-worker. The tension that filled the air was horrible, but even if I wanted it to disappear, talking to him wasn't an option. We hadn't had a normal conversation with each other in two years, and I was not about to have it in a dark room where I couldn't see anything, let alone when I was almost naked.

Thankfully, the masseurs entered the room before things got too awkward. Judging by their voices, the other worker was female, and she would be the one massaging me.

They started no longer than two minutes after that, and the massage was truly amazing. However, it wasn't until she started working on my shoulderblades that I noticed just how tense I was because it really fucking hurt, yet it felt nice at the same time.

When she came across a large knot in my upper back, I couldn't help but let out a gasp followed by a groan. The worst part was that she kept kneading the same spot, so the sounds didn't stop escaping my mouth.

"Will you stop that?" Harry suddenly snapped, his voice as cold as ice.

It caught me by surprise, making every muscle tense in my body. But when the shock subsided, I couldn't help but find it a bit amusing. Was he bothered by the sounds I was making? "Stop what?" I asked, playing dumb.

"Louis, please," was the only thing he said, his voice sounding serious.

It wasn't the fact that he said it the way he did that made me shut up, but it was the fact that he said my name that made me do it. It was the first time I had heard it escape his lips in two years, and it made me speechless. I couldn't say anything even if I wanted to because my mind was suddenly somewhere else, somewhere far away from this room, back in the past, and it didn't return until the massage was over.

Chapter Text

The days flew by after that, and before we knew it, it was our last day of the audition tour. We were currently heading to Dublin, sitting in a cab that was taking us directly to the stadium. Since there were only four empty seats in the vehicle, Patrick had to ride with the other crew members.

The last four days had been pretty calm and quiet. No arguments had unfolded between either of us, not even between me and Nick. And the only thing I had acknowledged from Harry was that he still seemed sad. He had also kept humming words that I was now pretty sure were lyrics to a song he was working on.

Judging by the sound of it, I was positive it was a personal one, and if his demeanor was anything to go by, it only added to my assumption. I hadn't heard much of the lyrics, though, only those few sentences in Leeds, although the walls were pretty thin in every hotel we had stayed at. Still, I kept pressing my ear against it every time I heard him sing since I couldn't help but be curious what the song was about, even if it were mostly to no avail.

It was crazy thinking that it had only been two weeks since we began this journey. It felt like months ago, mostly because more things had happened during this short time than what had happened the last year of my life. It was pretty sad now that I thought about it, but I wasn't complaining. I hadn't missed the drama. If I were honest, that was one of the best things about the band taking a break.

"We're here," the driver announced, pulling over outside the stadium.

I had been leaning against the window with my eyes closed, but I sat up straight in my seat at the sound of the man's voice. It was almost two in the afternoon, yet it felt like it was morning because it was so dark outside, all thanks to the grey clouds layering the sky.

Letting out a loud yawn, I rubbed my eyes before finally getting out of the car along with the other guys. All of our bags had barely fit into the trunk, but somehow, the driver had managed to squeeze them all in... Or, all of them except one of Harry's two suitcases. He'd had to place it at his feet in the car.

I grabbed my suitcase first, placing it on the ground before walking towards the stadium entrance. That was until I was stopped in my tracks by someone calling my name, making my body freeze.

"Louis."

Turning around, I could feel my mouth dropping at the sight of Harry standing there, his hand extended with my baby blue pillow in his hand. He wasn't looking at me, though. Instead, his eyes were fixated on something to his right, his brows furrowed.

"Thanks," I mumbled, grabbing the pillow quickly before turning around.

My heart was beating frantically, my knees feeling weak. It felt like I was dreaming. Had he actually just been nice to me? It felt surreal. Besides, he had said my name again. It was the second time he had done so in two years, and I was just as affected by it this time as I was at the spa. It was embarrassing that he still had this effect on me, especially considering what we had been through.

It turned out that a few fans were waiting for us outside the entrance. They must have seen us arrive at the airport because I was pretty sure no one except the contestants knew that we would be here today. Or, the contestants had spilled the information to their friends. That could also be it.

We stopped to take a few pictures with them and sign some autographs before eventually heading into the stadium. Thankfully, Patrick was there to guide us to the dressing room, which seemed to be located on the other side of the place because it felt like ages until we eventually walked into the room where our stylists were waiting for us.

After putting away my suitcase and pillow, I sat down on my chair, getting ready to be fixed up for the show. Perrie was sitting next to me, her hands on the armrests of her chair, while looking into the mirror in front of her.

When she noticed me staring, she turned to meet my gaze. "Can you believe that this is the last day of the audition tour? That we're going home tomorrow and won't meet each other again until the 30th?" She said in disbelief.

"It's sick," I nodded in agreement. "It feels like we've been away for ages, so it's going to feel weird to go home."

She pursed her lips. "Yeah, I agree. I'm going to miss you guys."

A smile spread on my face. "Aw, I'm going to miss you too, Pez," I teased, to which she rolled her eyes.

Soon enough, we were ready to head into the stadium, where the audience was waiting for the show to begin. This felt like a typical day in life now, so it was really going to feel weird not doing this every day for the next couple of months. We only had one more show apart from the Judges' houses until September.

It wasn't until then that Perrie's words actually hit me. We weren't going to see each other every day anymore. I wasn't going to see Harry every day anymore. I knew it shouldn't, but the thought made my heart twist in my chest. Two weeks, and I had already grown used to having him around again. Pathetic, that's what it was.

After greeting the audience, we sat down at our table, getting ready for the first contestant to enter the stage. People in the crew were running around the place, and I could see Logan talking to one of the women through the corner of my eye. It had been a few days since I last saw him because he was usually not around the stage area during the show, so seeing him now was quite a surprise. He didn't notice me looking, though, and he left only a few minutes later.

The show started shortly after that, with the first contestant entering the stage. It turned out it was a woman in her forties with a really bad voice. I didn't particularly like calling anyone's voice bad, but she really couldn't sing. The thing was, she didn't know it herself, and she refused to believe us when we told her.

We'd had quite a few of these people during the audition tour, and it was a pretty awkward situation every time. I didn't understand how some people refused to believe they couldn't sing. If the judges had told me I was tone-deaf when I auditioned eight years ago, I would have never tried to tell them they were wrong. Auditioning for the X Factor was about finding out whether you could sing or not after all.

The second the woman eventually left the stage, we all breathed out a sigh of relief. "I thought she was going to come down here and slap me across the face," Nick said.

"She would have probably tried to slap us all," Perrie added, shaking her head in disbelief.

"I just hope that was the last contestant trying to tell us we're wrong," I grimaced.

People would think I didn't mind being in a situation like this since I was pretty known for being impulsive and snapping at people I didn't particularly agree with, but I was not fond of it at all. Standing up for myself was one thing, but saying something bad about someone who hadn't done me anything wrong was completely different.

It turned out my wish had been for nothing because not only half an hour later, a young man in his early twenties entered the stage with a cocky grin on his lips. I could tell by just looking at him that this was probably not going to end well.

He had short blonde hair that was trimmed at the sides, and he was wearing a white button-up along with a pair of tight, black jeans. He was also very well-built with large thigh muscles and biceps, which would have been attractive if it weren't for the stupid smirk on his face.

His introduction made me even more suspicious, the way he wanted the audience's confirmation of everything he said. "Alright, so why are you here today?" Perrie asked, tilting her head to the side with a slight smile on her lips. It seemed like I was the only one feeling suspicious about this guy.

"I'm here because I want to give you all a good show," he replied, the smirk not leaving his face. "And I hope you'll find my voice great."

"Alright, cool. Off you go."

My eyes narrowed at him as he took a few steps back to get ready. "That is not many buttons done up on his shirt," I acknowledged, glancing at Perrie. I was pretty sure he had only buttoned two of them.

I could hear Harry snort next to me, and I knew what he must be thinking. He was not known for buttoning his shirts all the way up either, so he probably didn't see a problem with it. The thing was, Harry pulled it off like no one else, and his intention had never been to show off skin just because he wanted to impress people. It just made him look very attractive.

This guy was completely different. I was sure his intention was not only to look good. I had a feeling there was something else going on inside his head.

The man, Oliver, finally brought the mic to his lips to start singing. "You know, I've been taking some time, and I've been keeping to myself. I had my eyes upon the prize, ain't watching anybody else..."

He hadn't told us what song he would sing, but I recognized this one very well since my best friend had written it. And as he walked back and forth on the stage, waving and smirking at the audience, I started wishing he had chosen another song because I didn't have a good feeling about this.

"You know, I love it when the music's loud, but c'mon, strip that down for me, baby. Now there's a lot of people in the crowd, but only you can dance with me. So put your hands on my body, and swing that round for me, baby. You know, I love it when the music's loud, but c'mon, strip that down for me, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."

His dance started getting more and more seductive, the way he bent down and ran his hand across his naked chest with that stupid smirk on his face. I thought things couldn't get more awkward, but then he started taking off his white button-up altogether.

"Oh, strip that down, girl. Love when you hit the ground, girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, strip that down, girl. Love, when you hit the ground..."

The shirt was now off, and he was walking down to us with a suggestive look on his face, his eyes flicking between all four of us. I had the urge to pull my chair out and run because I didn't want this man anywhere near me, but I didn't want to make a scene either.

He ran his hand over Nick's shoulder slowly before ruffling Harry's hair. He then set his eyes on me, and I didn't know what else to do other than push myself as close to the table as possible and lean down so that he couldn't touch anything but my back. I could feel the tips of his fingers hovering over the back of my neck, making me shiver uncomfortably. He then moved on to Perrie, wrapping his entire arm around her shoulders and leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek. What the hell was going on?

Thankfully, the song was over not long after that, and the man returned to the stage, finally putting on his shirt. The worst part of it was that he actually had a good voice, so I didn't understand why he wanted to ruin it like that. It was just unnecessary.

"Alright, Oliver. That was... something," Perrie said, furrowing her eyebrows.

"I thought it was quite entertaining," Nick chuckled, his chin in the palm of his hand with his elbow on the table.

I narrowed my eyes at him while clenching my jaw. That was far from entertaining. It was just uncalled for. "I personally think it was really unnecessary. You actually have a great voice, but you just ruined your audition," I muttered, looking at the man disappointedly.

It seemed like the audience had split opinions on him because some were cheering, and some were booing. My gaze settled on the side of Harry's face, waiting for him to say his words. "I have to agree with Louis. Your voice is great, but you didn't have to do all that. It might have been a bit entertaining, but it won't get you anywhere. I'd suggest you keep your shirt on in the future, mate."

I couldn't have said it any better myself. I might be gay, but witnessing cocky men who were trying to show off was such a turn-off that it might as well have been Shrek standing up there.

"I'm sorry, but it's a no from me, Oliver," Perrie said, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

"No," I agreed, shaking my head.

"It's a no from me too, sorry," Harry grimaced, turning to Nick.

"It's a huge yes from me," Nick smiled, making me roll my eyes.

Oliver grinned brightly, not seeming to mind that he didn't go through. "That's a shame, but I appreciate that you all gave me the chance to perform this number for you. Having your lovely attention was an honor," he smirked before leaving the stage, making me grit my teeth. I just couldn't stand personalities like his.

"Calm down, Lou," Perrie chuckled, placing a hand on my shoulder. "He's gone now."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to that song again," I muttered, mentally apologizing to Liam.

Perrie let out a loud bark of laughter. "Liam would have hit you if he had heard you say that."

"I don't care."

There was a small break until the next contestant entered the stage, so our stylists took the opportunity to come over and apply more makeup to our faces. Perrie left a few seconds later to use the bathroom, and it was also then I heard a familiar voice behind me. "Why do you look so grumpy, man? You didn't enjoy the strip dance?" Logan chuckled.

I turned my head to look at him, the stylists finally finished doing my makeup. His eyes were twinkling from the lights in the stadium, his lips curved into a wide smile. "Not quite," I grimaced, making Logan's smile widen.

"I'm sure you just don't want to admit it," he teased. "I must say I kinda liked it, though. It's been a while since I last saw a body like that."

I stared at him for a while, trying to figure out whether he was still joking or not. "I could have lived without seeing it."

He let out a breathy laugh, looking at me in amusement. "I was sure well-built, muscular men were exactly your type, though," he smirked, nudging me in the side playfully.

My thoughts wandered to Harry, the man who was sitting in the seat next to me, whose body was the only one I had ever been genuinely attracted to. It didn't matter whether he had muscles or not, even if he had always been quite aware of his body and enjoyed exercising. I would have loved him no matter what, but sure, muscles weren't exactly a bad thing, but it wasn't a necessity.

"Not men with an ego like that," I said, letting out a dry laugh.

Logan raised an eyebrow at me, the amusement not leaving his face. "So, you're telling me that men are your type then?"

I could feel my mouth drop. I didn't realize that I had basically just outed myself to him. Even if Patrick knew about my and Harry's prior relationship, I knew Logan didn't. Otherwise, he wouldn't have asked me about him at the diner last week. "I..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Don't worry," he smirked. "I swing that way too."

With that said, he started walking away so that his back was the only thing I could see. That was until he turned around to flash me a smile. "See you at the restaurant tonight. We're all celebrating that it's the last day of the audition tour." And then he left altogether, leaving me to stare at his retreating figure.

I sat there for a few seconds, just looking into the distance until I finally closed my mouth and turned around in my seat so that I was facing the stage again. It wasn't until then I could feel a pair of green eyes staring at the side of my face, almost burning holes in my skin. I turned to Harry quickly, my eyes meeting his.

"Wha-"

"Don't," was the only thing he said, his jaw clenched.

He then turned away as quickly as I had snapped my head to look at him, visibly scooting away from me. I mentally let out a deep sigh while running my hands over my face. What just happened?

Not long after that, Patrick told us to get ready for the next contestant to show up, and we all returned to our seats. Harry's chair was still further away from mine than before Logan had been here, though, and the fact made my heart twist uncomfortably.

I couldn't help but fear how this day would end because last time we had been to a restaurant together, Harry had talked to me for the first time, and I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle another situation like that.

Chapter Text

The last contestant soon left the stage, and the audition tour was officially over. We went only a few minutes later and headed back to the dressing room, where all our luggage was. I wanted to wash my face clean from all the makeup the stylists had applied, but I didn't have enough time to do that before we had to leave the place.

We were exiting through the backdoors on the other side of the stadium, where we had entered earlier, but since the place was basically a labyrinth, neither of us could find the way out, so Patrick stayed behind to guide us.

Once we stepped outside, there was thankfully already a cab waiting for us, so we hurried over and put our baggage in the trunk before getting into the vehicle, Harry bringing one of his suitcases to place it at his feet as he did earlier.

"So, what are the plans for tonight?" Nick asked from the passenger seat, turning his head back to look at us.

"We're eating at this restaurant at eight, which is only in... forty minutes," Perrie informed, checking her phone to see what time it was.

"Huh," he breathed out. "We're barely going to have time to relax until we have to leave again."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "What? You can't handle the pressure?" I teased, imitating him when he asked me the same thing.

He shot me a glare, deciding not to reply to me. Meanwhile, Perrie nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I know, but I'm sure it'll be worth it. I heard they've reserved a table for us at some fancy restaurant."

"I sure hope so," Nick muttered before turning back around in his seat.

We all stayed quiet for the rest of the ride. Now that I thought about it, I hadn't heard Harry utter a word since we left the judges' table earlier. Sure, that wasn't very unusual these days, but he had been even more quiet since the situation with Logan.

The second the driver pulled over outside the hotel, we got out of the cab and headed towards the building. Fortunately, no fans seemed to have caught up on the fact that we were staying here, so we were inside the hotel in only two minutes.

A few workers from the hotel came out to help us bring our suitcases inside while we followed behind. The first thing I noticed was that the walls were basically made of windows, and there was a big water fountain in the middle of the place. It surprised me because it looked more like a hotel you would see in a warm country and not in cold Ireland, but it was beautiful nonetheless.

We headed up to our rooms as soon as we were handed our room keys. It turned out that Harry was staying in the room next to mine again, which didn't surprise me anymore since we had stayed next to each other at every hotel we had been to his journey.

The second I had closed the door behind me, I dropped my suitcase on the floor before sitting down on the edge of the king-sized bed that was located in the middle of the room. Like in all the other hotel rooms, there was a flat screen on the wall opposite the bed and a large window covering the wall on the right side. I quickly realized that the view here was almost as beautiful as it was in Leeds.

I grabbed my phone to send a quick message to Eleanor, telling her I would be at her place tomorrow to pick up Clifford. I then got to work, stripping off my clothes to put on something nicer than my Adidas track pants and jacket set. I found a yellow, black and white sweater with the logo 'tomorrow' on it at the bottom of my suitcase, so I pulled it over my head before grabbing a pair of light blue jeans that were ripped at the knees. It might not be the fanciest of outfits, but I liked it.

I left my room after that, grabbing the key card from the small table in the entryway while stuffing my phone into my pocket on my way out. It turned out that almost everyone was waiting in the lobby when I got there, and by everyone, I meant the entire crew and Perrie. Nick and Harry were the only ones I couldn't find in the group.

I walked over to Perrie with my hands shoved into the front pockets of my jeans, flashing her a gentle smile when she looked up at my arrival. "You look great," she complimented, making me snort.

She was dressed in a pair of grey, checkered pants with a matching coat and a white shirt underneath. It would be a lie to say that she looked anything but beautiful. Zayn had once been a lucky man.

"You don't look too bad yourself," I teased.

She whacked my arm playfully before looking over my shoulder. Furrowing my eyebrows, I turned around only to feel my breath hitch in my throat. Harry and Nick were walking towards us, Harry with his Ray Bans covering his eyes. That wasn't it, though. He was wearing another suit, and this one was light blue. It was the prettiest suit I had seen him wear this journey, and his hair was just perfectly ruffled on top of his head.

I was starting to realize why he had brought two suitcases now. He had probably packed half of his wardrobe in them, and there was no way he could have ever fit these many suits in just one suitcase. Still, he could have left those sunglasses behind. His eyes were too beautiful not to be seen, and I wasn't fond of the aura he radiated when wearing them. Besides, he would have looked even better without them.

"Alright, guys. Now that we're all here, let's go," Patrick announced and started taking off towards the exits.

We all followed behind, leaving the hotel one after the other. It turned out that eight cabs were parked on the sidewalk, waiting for us to get inside, and Patrick ordered us judges to go in one of them while he hopped into another one with Logan and two other women. Since we all had our individual seats now, there were no protests about that anymore, so Nick got into the passenger seat while the rest of us settled in the backseat.

The ride to the restaurant was pretty quiet apart from the radio that Nick insisted on turning on. I decided to use the opportunity by checking my phone, seeing that Eleanor had replied to me.

El: You'd better. I'm getting tired of taking care of your dog...

The text made me let out a chuckle, and I quickly opened a new text message to reply to her.

Louis: I know you love Cliff, El. You'll be just as sad as Bruce when I'm coming to get him tomorrow.

El: You wish, Lou!

Rolling my eyes, I shoved my phone back in my pocket, realizing that the car had now come to a stop. Harry and Nick had already left the vehicle, and Perrie was just about to do the same, so I quickly opened the door and got out myself after thanking the driver for the ride.

Unlike last time we had eaten at a restaurant, paparazzi and fans were waiting for us this evening. I had barely time to get a perception of my surroundings before I could feel the first flash in my face, blinding my vision completely. Was this the reason Harry had decided to use his sunglasses?

A few crewmen guided us through the crowd, opening the door for us so that we could enter the place. We received a lot of questions along the way, but there were so many of them that I couldn't hear a single one. A few people tried to touch us by reaching out their hands, and some of them succeeded while some didn't.

The second the door closed behind us, I could see Nick turning to look at us in shock. "I have no idea how you guys handle that on a daily basis. I'd like to be able to enter a place without having my clothes possibly get ripped by someone. Thank you very much," he huffed.

I let out a chuckle, and through the corner of my eye, I could see Harry's lips twitch. Perrie patted his shoulder in reassurance. "It's okay, Nick. All of us are not meant to be in the spotlights," she joked, making him shake her hand off in feigned annoyance. You could see that he wasn't offended by her words, though.

The rest of the crew eventually entered the restaurant, and we were all soon guided to a table in the corner of the place. When Perrie said it would be fancy, she hadn't been lying. It was large, and the atmosphere radiated a feeling of poshness, especially by the expensive-looking furniture, the big chandelier hanging in the ceiling, and the freshness in general.

"We're all getting a five-course meal. It's all ordered and finished with," Patrick announced while we were taking our seats.

I ended up sitting next to Perrie and Logan while Harry and Nick were opposite us with Patrick on Nick's side and a woman on Harry's. "A five-course meal sounds pretty fancy," Logan commented once we had settled down.

"It sure does," I agreed.

If I were honest, I wasn't a big fan of fancy five-course meals. I would be just fine with one, but it seemed like we didn't have any say in it this evening. I just hoped they wouldn't be serving some clam or octopus because then I was sure I would be leaving this place hungry.

"Pretty sure we won't be eating something as plain as a burger tonight then," Logan continued, making me turn to him.

He was smiling, the corners of his lips twitching. "It would have been delicious, though," I replied, getting hungry just thinking about it.

The smile widened on his lips as he nodded. "Nothing can ever go wrong with a good old burger, right? But a five-course meal? That means there's a five times higher risk that the chef will fail, at least with one of the dishes."

I just stared at him for a while. If I were honest, it sounded like something Harry would say, which was most likely why I couldn't help but let out a bark of laughter. And judging by the smile that remained on his face, he knew what he was doing. "Thank you, I had to think hard with that one," he joked.

Shaking my head in amusement, I found myself turning my head to Harry. He wasn't looking at me. Instead, he was talking to the woman sitting next to him, seeming quite engaged in their conversation. I was honestly a bit surprised that he seemed so enthusiastic because he hadn't seemed so excited about anything the last couple of days.

What bothered me was that the sunglasses were still adorning his face, and he didn't seem to find it disrespectful at all, not even when he was sitting at a table with at least twenty other people. It made me wonder if he hadn't worn them only for the paparazzi after all.

The first meal arrived about twenty minutes later, and the first course was some smoked salmon on a tiny piece of bread along with some red onion and green stuff. I wasn't a big fan of smoked salmon, but I swallowed it all down with a smile on my face, imagining that burger in my head the entire time.

Once the third meal arrived, and I had downed at least four glasses of wine, I was starting to get a little restless. I hated sitting down for too long, and my legs were beginning to itch. It wasn't a good occasion to excuse myself to the toilets, though, so I bit the inside of my cheek and turned to Logan to distract myself. He had been a pretty good company so far, talking to me every chance he got and making me smile almost every time.

"So, what do you think about the show this year so far?" I asked, realizing that this was probably not the first year he worked for it.

"I think it's great. I must say you have found some excellent singers," he replied, sending me a smile.

"That's because I'm in the panel, isn't it?" I joked. "I wouldn't just let anyone go through."

"Honestly, I think it's more about the fact that you're one of the judges in general. I bet you attracted a lot of people to audition for the show," he smirked, making my mouth drop.

Wait, was he flirting with me? There was no other explanation for what he just said, was it?

Suddenly feeling uneasy, I shifted in my seat and put on a fake smile. I decided not to keep the conversation going but instead focused on finishing my meal. I could tell he noticed the change in my behavior, but he didn't question me about it.

It wasn't that he was ugly or anything close to it. He was attractive, but I just wasn't interested, and I didn't want him to get the wrong idea by continuing to joke around about the topic.

Once I had finished the third course, I got up from my seat to head to the toilets. It took me a while to find the room, but I went straight to the sinks to turn on the water when I eventually did. It wasn't until then, when I looked at myself in the mirror, that I noticed I had forgotten to remove the makeup from the show.

Letting out a sigh, I cupped my hands under the tap to fill them with water before splashing my face. I didn't manage to get it all removed, but I at least looked better than I did when it was all smeared out after being on for so long.

After taking a few breaths, I exited the bathroom to search for a backdoor in desperate need of a smoke.

It only took me a minute until I found a door. Thankfully, I didn't have to walk back to the restaurant area so that the other people would see me because it was located pretty close to the bathroom, like the one at the Italian restaurant in London.

The second I felt the fresh air hit my nostrils, a smile broke out on my face, and I didn't hesitate to inhale a large breath. It was almost pitch black outside now, but a few lamp posts were lightening the parking lot that was displayed in front of me.

I didn't waste another second to fish my cigarette pack from the back pocket of my jeans along with my blue lighter. Opening the lid of the pack, I was just about to grab a cig when another hand suddenly came into view from behind me and took one before I could do so. Every muscle in my body tensed as I saw the hand, and I almost dropped the pack in shock.

"What the hell?" I screeched, placing my hand over my racing heart.

A low chuckle escaped the person's lips, and the sound of it made my muscles tense all over again. I quickly turned around, my mouth dropping at the sight of those brown curls, the blue suit and those godforsaken Ray-Bans.

"Are you trying to make me shit my pants? In that case, you're succeeding very well, Jesus fucking Christ," I muttered under my breath, trying to get my heart to beat at an average pace again.

Harry ignored what I had just said and decided to place the stolen cigarette between his lips instead. "Give me your lighter," he ordered, his voice void of emotion.

I furrowed my brows while looking at him. "No."

Even if I couldn't see his eyes behind those sunglasses, I could tell that he was rolling them. "Why not?" He asked, raising his eyebrows at me.

"Because," I said, taking a step closer to him so that I could snatch the cigarette from between his lips and place it between my own instead. I lit it with my lighter before inhaling a puff of smoke. "I'm the smoker, not you."

It took at least five seconds until he let out a snort, running a hand through his curls. "Whatever," he muttered, averting his gaze to look into the night.

We were quiet for a while until I broke the silence. "How come you only want to talk when we're at restaurants?" I huffed, already knowing he probably wasn't going to answer me. He hadn't answered any of my questions after all.

"I only asked for your lighter," he replied, catching me slightly off guard.

I turned to look at the side of his face, his sharp jawline framing his face beautifully. It was just sad that he was wearing those sunglasses. Otherwise, the sight would have been even better. "You do know it's pitch black outside, right? There's no need for those sunglasses," I muttered.

He turned to meet my gaze then. "What's going on between you and that man?" He asked instead, ignoring what I had just said completely.

I furrowed my brows while exhaling the smoke I had just inhaled. Obviously, nothing was going on between me and Logan, but I didn't see a reason to answer his question when he wouldn't answer mine. "I don't see how that's any of your business," I replied, making his jaw clench tighter.

Pushing his hands into the front pockets of his blue dress pants, he turned away again, looking at the parking lot. "So you're telling me you wouldn't ask me the same thing if it was the other way around?"

I narrowed my eyes at the side of his face. "I don't recall myself asking you if you and Nick were dating."

He turned to me quickly, his eyebrows raising under his sunglasses. "You actually thought that?" He laughed humorously, pissing me off.

"Judging from the way you're acting around each other, it wouldn't have surprised me," I retorted, making him shut up.

He pulled his eyebrows together, shaking his head while bringing his bottom lip between his teeth. "You're right. It's neither of our business whom we're dating. I don't know why I asked you in the first place."

Something about the way he said it so carelessly made my heart ache. But he did care. I knew he did. "I know he was the reason you snapped at me in the stadium earlier. Maybe that's why you asked me," I muttered, holding the cig between my forefinger and middle finger.

He looked at me for a long time before turning around abruptly. "Whatever, I'm out of here. I have no idea why I even decided to go here," he muttered, adding even more pain to my heart.

Before he could open the door and head back inside, I turned to him quickly. "Why are you acting like such an asshole?"

He looked back at me, a fake smile forming on his lips. "I'm not."

I didn't have time to open my mouth again before he was gone, the door closing behind him. Letting out a frustrated groan, I dropped my finished cig on the ground, putting it out with my foot. Why did he have to be so fucking ignorant all the time?

However, when I walked back to the table a few minutes later, I couldn't help but think that despite all the negativity, we had actually had a somewhat normal conversation with each other, and that hadn't happened in two years.

Chapter Text

The first thing I did once Patrick had dropped me off at my house in London and I had dumped my suitcase in the hallway the next day was to grab my car keys and drive over to Eleanor's place to pick up Clifford. It had been two weeks since I last saw my dog, so I couldn't wait to see him again.

The second the door swung open, he came running towards me, getting up on his back paws to place his front ones on my knees while his tail wagged from side to side. I bent down to pet his furry head, making him lick my entire face in happiness.

I let out a chuckle, scrunching my nose at the feeling of his tongue wetting my face. "Alright, Cliff, that's enough," I laughed, kissing his head before standing back up.

It turned out Eleanor had been lying when she said she wouldn't miss him because the sadness was evident on her features when I left her place a few minutes later, her lips in a pout. I always knew she loved Clifford, and I knew that Bruce and Clifford went well together, which was great for times like this.

When I returned to my house half an hour later, I realized that I was in need to go grocery shopping because I didn't have any food that wasn't out-of-date, considering I had been away for over two weeks. So with an exasperated sigh, I left the house for a second time to go to the grocery store.

After parking my car and entering the place a few minutes later, I got started. I walked through the aisles, carrying a basket while picking up the most necessary groceries. That was until I could feel my phone vibrating in the pocket of my track pants. I fished it up to look at the screen only to see Lottie's name, realizing that I hadn't talked to her in weeks.

"Hi, Lots," I greeted, pressing my phone to my ear.

"Lou," she replied. "Are you home now?"

I put a loaf of bread in my basket before heading to the dairy products. "Yeah, I arrived a while ago, but I'm out grocery shopping at the moment. Didn't have any fresh food in the fridge," I grimaced.

She let out a light chuckle on the other end. "That sucks, but I'm happy you're back in London. I've missed you."

A smile spread on my lips at her words. "I've missed you too, Lots. You have to come over someday soon," I told her, placing a package of milk in the basket.

"Yeah, definitely. So, how's the audition tour been? Are things between you and Harry better?" She asked, sounding curious.

I picked up a packet of butter before closing the glass door. I was pretty sure I looked like a fool with a phone in one hand while balancing the basket on the same arm while picking up groceries with my other hand, but I didn't have any choice. "The auditions have been great, and Perrie's nice too..."

"But...?" Lottie asked, sensing that it was coming.

"Nick's always treated me pretty shitty, and things haven't been better these few weeks. And Harry... I don't know. We haven't really talked. It hasn't been exactly bad, though, at least not towards the end. As I told you before I left, he is different, but it's almost like he's aware of it? I don't know," I explained, feeling grateful that there weren't many people in the store because I wouldn't have been able to talk this openly if that were the case. I probably wouldn't have been able to walk around without getting recognized either.

"So things aren't better or worse then?" She concluded, probably trying to get her head around what I had just spilled.

I pursed my lips, thinking about it myself for a while. "I think I would say they're a little better? But only a little. We sort of had our first real conversation yesterday, but he doesn't really want to talk to me. I can tell."

Lottie was quiet for a while, and it felt like she was trying to prevent herself from smiling on the other end. "What?" I asked, furrowing my brows.

She eventually broke her silence, and I could almost hear the smile in her voice. "I'm sure things are different, Lou," was the only thing she said, making me even more confused.

"What are you talking about? How would you know?" I picked up a package of Yorkshire tea, dropping it in my basket while waiting for her to reply.

"Tell me what you think of him," she requested.

"Huh?" I said in confusion. "Why?"

I could tell she was rolling her eyes on the other end. "Just tell me, Lou."

The crease between my eyebrows deepened as I dropped a bag of chips in the basket. "Um... I don't know? He can be an ass to me at times, but then he acts completely different and just observes me the next second. But I mean, he has always been beautiful. He has even grown a stubble, did you know that? It makes him look more mature and grown-up, which suits him really well, I have to say. And he's more muscular now than he was back in the days as well. However, I don't really like those sunglasses he wears. It makes him look... not like himself, and they're hiding his pretty eyes," I explained, biting my bottom lip.

Fuck, did I just say all that?

"Wow," Lottie laughed. "I thought things would change, but I didn't think you would have already fallen in love with him again."

I opened my mouth to reply to her, but nothing came out for a good ten seconds. "I..." I tried, swallowing. "I don't... I don't love him, Lottie. He's my ex. It's okay for me to call him beautiful," I attempted.

She let out a sigh. "Lou, just think about it, alright? You don't have to admit anything to me, but you should be true to yourself. I didn't even need to hear you describe how beautiful he is to know that you care about him. It was the way you said he doesn't want to talk to you because I could hear it in your voice that you want him to, even if you won't admit it."

I inhaled a deep breath, running my free hand through my fringe. "I... I have to go. I'm at the checkouts. I'll talk to you later, yeah? Bye, Lots," I said hurriedly, barely waiting for her to say goodbye in return until I clicked the 'end' button.

Closing my eyes, I pinched the bridge of my nose. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. No. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening. She was just talking a bunch of bullshit. Why would I be falling for Harry again? He was a jerk, nothing but a total asshole. He had hurt me like no one else ever had. I couldn't be falling for him again.

After shoving my phone back in my pocket, I walked to the checkouts to pay for my groceries, smiling half-heartedly at the assistant working the cash register because I could tell by the way her face lit up that she recognized me. I was too busy thinking about my fucked-up situation to put my heart into a genuine greeting, though.

I then packed my groceries in a plastic bag before leaving the store, driving home in a trance while thinking about the curly-haired man I had once called my boyfriend.

-----

I thought that maybe, being away from Harry would make these thoughts that Lottie had reminded me of disappear, but it didn't. If anything, it only made things worse. I missed seeing him every day. I had gotten so used to witnessing those beautiful green eyes, that wonderful smile and those adorable dimples.

It wasn't only that, though. It was everything about him. I missed seeing him sip on his tea during breakfast in the mornings. I missed hearing him snore in the car while we went from one place to another. I missed hearing his deep voice. I missed hearing him laugh. I missed being close to him and seeing him converse with other people so enthusiastically while making gestures with his hands to add more effect to his words.

I hadn't even realized how much I had been acknowledging him, but I guess Perrie was right when she mentioned it at the diner. It was just so pathetic. I was pathetic because I really shouldn't feel this way.

But, I had started realizing that Lottie might be right because it would explain many things. It would explain why I hadn't been able to stop thinking about him since the first day at the Wembley Arena. It would explain why I had been a nervous wreck when I knew I would see him for the first time again, and it would also explain why I cared so much about him.

There were so many things, things I had refused to acknowledge that would make sense if what Lottie said was true, but how could I have fallen for someone who had treated me the way Harry did these past two weeks again?

That was the thing, though. I had started realizing that 'again' was the game-changing word in all this. I hadn't fallen for him again. I was pretty sure I had never fallen out of love with him, even if we had been apart for two years. It was crazy, and it felt strange and weird coming to terms with it, but I realized that it might actually be true, especially when I allowed myself to think about it. It would just explain so much.

Mum was right.

She would always tell me she knew that I never stopped loving Harry. She was the only one who knew what happened between us, and even if I would constantly tell her that I hated him for what he did to me, she knew that I still loved him, but it wasn't until now that I really understood the truth behind her words.

She made me realize many things, even if she never convinced me of that part. Her last words had gone on repeat in my head ever since the day she took her last breath, reminding me that no one could ever tell me what was best for me other than myself.

"Life is too short, Louis. Do what your heart desires, and don't let anyone ruin it for you because you'll regret it one day."

Her words made me realize I had made a huge mistake that evening in October more than two years ago. She made me realize that even if I was never going to forgive Harry for what he did to me, I was stupid for doing what I did to him. She also made me realize that if I just hadn't been such a blind fool, things might not have ended the way they did. But it was stupid to think that way because there were no excuses for what Harry did. Even if it was my fault to begin with, he didn't have to do what he did to me.

It had now been a week since we came home from the audition tour, and my life was pretty much back to how it had been before it all began. I got up in the morning, ate breakfast, watched some TV, talked to Liam or Lottie, and tried to write new songs. I had pushed the latter to the side until yesterday because, let's face it, it wasn't going very well. Writing music without knowing what to write about didn't work great at all.

That was why I was now sitting on my couch in the living room, my guitar on my lap, while thinking deeply. Would it be so bad if I decided to write a song about Harry? I mean, I had written plenty of songs about him before, and as Lottie had mentioned, a lot of people wrote songs about heartbreak.

Biting my bottom lip, I picked up my pen and notebook from the coffee table, scribbling down a few sentences I had thought about these past few days.

Never thought that giving up would be so hard. God, I'm missing you and your addictive heart. You're the habit that I can't break. You're the feeling I can't put down. You're the shiver that I can't shake. You're the high that I need right now.

It might just be a bunch of nonsense to other people, but to me, it almost felt embarrassing to write the words down. Admitting that you still had feelings for your ex was quite embarrassing after all, especially when you were part of the reason for the breakup.

However, it was possible to regret something you had done, and I was pretty sure many people had been in my seat before. Growing up most often made you grow as a person and realize that some actions you made in the past were stupid moves. So, regretting something didn't always necessarily mean a bad thing. It could also mean that you had grown up and realized what was wrong and right.

My phone started vibrating next to me on the couch, snapping me out of my thoughts. Picking it up, I saw Liam's name on the screen, and I clicked the green button before bringing the phone to my ear. "Hi, Payno," I greeted, placing my guitar beside me on the couch.

"Good afternoon, Lou. How are you doing?" He asked, being the kind self he always was.

"I'm alright. I'm in the middle of trying to write a song. You?"

He was quiet for a little while. "You're writing? How's it going? Am I interrupting you?"

I let out a chuckle, shaking my head in amusement. "Three questions in one. That might be a new record," I teased. "But no, you're not interrupting. I just got started. I think this is the first time I have tried writing and actually come up with something."

Liam let out a hum on the other end. "I see. What is it about then?" He asked, almost hesitantly. I liked that he let me explain myself because knowing Lottie, she would have assumed right away and asked me, 'is it about Harry?'. Liam had never been one to push me to spill things, though.

"You know that I've had a hard time writing lately, so I thought I might as well try to write about what I have always done, and it seems like it's working," I explained, biting my bottom lip.

He was quiet for a long while until he eventually opened his mouth to reply. "So, it's about Harry?" He asked, his voice gentle.

"I... yeah?" I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I uh, I think my feelings for him may have never really disappeared. Does that make sense?"

I could almost see the smile that formed on his lips. "Yeah, I'd say it does, Lou. If I'm honest, I never really thought they did. I mean, it's been two years since you broke up, and you haven't even tried looking for someone else, so that kind of speaks for itself. You've always been quite ignorant about the topic, though, so I figured I would just leave it out of our conversations."

I pursed my lips, looking down at my lap. "I... I honestly don't know what to say to that. I think I've been in denial this whole time, trying to tell myself what happened between us was for the best, but I guess you're right. I haven't really been looking for someone, have I?"

He let out a light chuckle. "Not that I know of, at least. But I'm glad you finally realized it because I know it was bugging you even if you didn't know it yourself. It was like something was holding you down."

I let out a sigh. "Yeah, maybe. It's quite embarrassing, though, you know? To go around knowing you still have feelings for an ex who hurt you. Maybe I had a good reason to be in denial," I mumbled.

"No," Liam disagreed. "Don't say that. It's never a good thing to be in denial. Being true to yourself is what's best for you, and I feel like you're going to understand what I mean by that after a while. You just have to let it sink in first."

"We'll see," I muttered, fiddling with the end of my sweatshirt.

"I'm positive you will, Lou," he reassured me. "By the way, you're going back in about a week to do Boot camp, aren't you?"

I pulled my eyebrows together. "Yeah, why?" I asked in confusion.

"I'm just asking. I'm curious, you know? I mean, I remember it so clearly, when we were put together in the band there all those years ago. Can you believe it's going to be eight years? It's crazy," he said in disbelief, and I couldn't do anything but agree with him. It was quite unbelievable to think it had already been that long since we were all standing on that stage, our nerves eating us up from the inside while waiting for the judges to tell us what they were planning for us.

"It really is," I agreed, making me think of something. "Now that I think about it, I've been meaning to ask you something."

"Shoot."

I pulled at my bottom lip with my forefinger and thumb. "So, the Judges' houses are coming up, and I wanted to ask you if you want to be my guest? I'm thinking about going to Ibiza," I asked, hoping for a yes.

He inhaled a large breath, almost like a gasp. "Is that even a question? Of course I want to be your guest! Did you seriously think I would decline that offer?"

I let out a chuckle, shaking my head. "No, not really, but I mean, you've been at the Judges' houses twice before. A third time might be too much for you to handle. Who knows?" I joked, and I could tell he was rolling his eyes on the other end.

"Funny, aren't you, Tommo? I'm pretty sure I can handle a third time, especially if I don't have to sing. Thank you very much," he said sarcastically, making my lips twitch.

"I'd say I'm quite funny, yeah. I'm glad you can handle it, though, because I miss your pretty face."

Liam let out a scoff. "Well, I don't miss yours."

"Hey, don't talk shit about my handsome face."

He let out a chuckle. "I don't swing that way, mate. Sorry."

I huffed. "I'm never complimenting your looks again. You're ugly, nothing but unattractive. Don't know how Maya puts up with it."

I knew that an amused smile was playing on his lips without even having to witness it. "If you weren't so hung up on our curly friend, I bet you'd have a crush on me," he teased, making me scrunch my nose in disgust.

"Fuck, no. That's disgusting. You're like my brother," I disagreed, making him laugh.

"I'm just kidding, Lou. I'd kill to see the look on your face right now, though. I bet it's hilarious," he chuckled.

I let out another huff. "So now you want to see my face? Alright, I see. Well, too bad you'll have to wait a whole month then because we're not going to Ibiza until June 18th."

"You know what they say; the one who waits for something good never waits too long," he joked before turning serious. "No, but really, I'm glad you asked me, Lou. I can't wait to go there with you and the rest of the contestants. It's going to be a lot of fun."

"Yeah," I agreed, a smile forming on my lips. "I'm looking forward to it. I just have to wait and see what category I'll be assigned with."

He hummed in agreement. "Right. I'm sure we're going to talk again before we're leaving, so you'll have to tell me when you find out," he said. "On another note, I don't want to keep you away from writing any longer now, so I'll see you around, yeah?"

"More like hear you around, but yeah. Have a great day, Payno."

He let out a chuckle. "You too, Tommo."

I clicked the 'end' button before placing my phone back on the couch, shaking my head in amusement. Liam was probably the best person I knew when it came to making me smile when I was feeling down. He just succeeded every time, which was part of why I loved him so much. I was so thankful that he was still in my life, even if we weren't touring the world together anymore.

After a while of thinking about our conversation, I grabbed my guitar again, placing it back on my lap. I started strumming some random chords, working on a melody to the lyrics I had written before. It took some time until I got into my writing bubble again, but eventually, I was back to thinking about what Harry and I had been through, and the lyrics almost came by themselves then, the pen in my hand working automatically against the notebook.

I tasted the last lyrics I came up with on my tongue, singing them out loud for the first time. It felt weird, I couldn't deny it, but it also felt... right? It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and the second the last word escaped my mouth, a faint smile formed on my lips.

"You give me the time and the space. I was out of control, and I'm sorry I let you down. Guess that I know what I already knew. I was better with you... and I miss you now."

Chapter Text

"How long is it until we have to go up on stage?" I asked the guy standing next to me, knowing he was in the same group as I was.

The blonde male looked down at the watch around his wrist. "Twenty minutes."

"Thanks," I grinned, patting him on the arm before scurrying off towards the bathrooms.

I was in London for the second time in my life, this time to do Boot Camp for the X Factor. Getting through from my audition was something I never expected to do, so being here in London to do the next stage of the competition felt surreal. I couldn't understand how they thought I was good enough to be here.

Therefore, there was no escaping that I was nervous, which was why I really needed to use the toilet. If I didn't go soon, I was sure I was going to piss myself.

Running through the corridors, almost knocking people down as I passed them, I finally reached a door with a picture of a male on it. I opened it and walked over to the urinals without hesitating before unbuckling my jeans.

It wasn't until then I noticed that a guy was standing beside me, brown, curly locks covering the side of his face, which made it difficult to see his eyes. As if on cue, the boy turned to me right then, and fuck, if it wasn't the most beautiful boy I had ever laid eyes on. He had beautiful, green eyes framed by long, brown eyelashes. His lips were the poutiest pink, and even if it was a stranger, I had never felt the same urge to kiss someone's lips before. That wasn't all, though, because even though the boy wasn't smiling, I could tell that he had dimples. Fucking dimples. How was this boy even real? He looked like a fucking angel, those goddamn curls only adding to it.

I was so taken aback by his features that I barely noticed the sudden feeling on my leg. If it weren't for the fact that the boy let out an embarrassed 'oops' followed by his cheeks turning pink, I probably wouldn't have noticed it.

"Hi," I smiled dreamily, my eyes still locked on his face.

The spell was broken when the boy looked away, and I was suddenly snapped back to reality. I had finished a long time ago, so I tucked myself back in my pants before looking down at my leg that had a wet stain on it.

"I'm so, so sorry. I swear, I didn't mean to. I just..." The boy trailed off, and when I looked back up at him, he was hiding his face behind his hands while looking away from me in embarrassment.

"Hey," I said reassuringly, feeling grateful that I had been given an opportunity to speak to this boy. "It's okay. I'm not mad at you."

It took a while until the boy dropped his hands, but when he did, he still refused to meet my eyes, his entire face beet red now. "I swear, that has never happened before. This is so embarrassing. Fuck, I'm so sorry," he kept apologizing, shaking his head in disbelief.

I placed my hands on his shoulders, being the bold person I had always been, and gave him no other choice but to meet my gaze. "Look, I don't mind, alright? It's okay. Don't worry about it," I reassured him, giving him a gentle smile to let him know I meant it.

He returned the smile half-heartedly, nodding hesitantly. "Okay... Alright."

After observing his features one more time, I let go of the beautiful boy, giving him a final smile before turning to wash my hands and wiping at the stain with a wet paper towel. It wasn't even that bad. I didn't know why this boy was so embarrassed.

Through the corner of my eye, I could see that he was about to leave the bathroom, and for some reason, I didn't want him to, so I threw the paper towels away and followed him out, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder once I caught up with him. "Hey, wait."

The boy turned around quickly, his eyes widening in fear at the sight of me. I didn't like that look. He wasn't supposed to be afraid to see me. If anything, I wanted him to be happy to see me. "I can give you money for new jeans, alright? I just have to-"

I shook my head, a chuckle escaping my lips. "I don't want your money, Curly. I was just wondering if I could have a picture with you?" I asked, crossing my fingers that he would say yes.

He raised his eyebrows so high I was afraid it hurt. "You what? Why?" He wondered incredulously, his eyes wide open.

Shrugging my shoulder, I bit my lip. "I have a feeling you're going to be a star one day. I would be stupid not to have a picture with you when I have the opportunity," I explained, hoping he wouldn't realize that was only part of the reason. I was sure he was going to be a star. He had the looks for it, and I bet he could sing too, but I needed to be reminded that this boy was real, that this beautiful creature actually existed and I wasn't just dreaming.

He looked a bit confused but agreed eventually. I snatched a girl who was walking by, asking her if she could take a picture of me and the boy. She shrugged, taking my phone from my extended hand and directing it at us.

I wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulder, pointing at him with my other while looking into the camera with my mouth agape, waiting for the girl to snap the picture.

The girl handed my phone back once she was finished, and I instantly looked at the photo. A proud smile immediately formed on my lips, seeing us together for the first time.

"Thank you...?" I said, looking up at the curly-haired boy goofily with a questioning look.

"Harry," the boy smiled, his teeth showing now.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Harry. I'm Louis."

-----

I woke up the day we would record Boot Camp with a knot in my stomach. It had been another week since we left Dublin, and I didn't know if I was prepared to see the curly-haired man again, not after the realization I had come to. If I were honest, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to look at him again.

Despite that, I got ready for the day. I decided to wear a black shirt with the logo 'Eyes wide open' and a print of two pairs of wide-opened eyes. I also chose a pair of black joggers that looked fancier than regular ones. I knew I should probably wear normal pants, but I knew these would be more comfortable to sit in than any else.

After eating breakfast, giving Clifford some food and going on a walk with him, I grabbed my wallet and got ready to leave for Wembley Arena. I was taking my car, just like the first day, because there were quite a few parking spaces outside the arena, and it'd be more convenient when I had to go back home again. The fastest way to get there would probably be by taking the underground, but that wouldn't be a great idea, especially not when the news was talking about the fact that the X Factor was starting up soon.

I gave Cliff a kiss on his head before closing and locking the front door behind me. My black Audi was there in its place when I turned around, waiting for me. After entering it, I shut the door behind me and started up the engine, smiling at the roaring sound of it. The gates opened when I backed out, and then I drove off.

Since it was still pretty early in the day, there wasn't too much traffic. Therefore, I arrived at my destination quicker than I would have otherwise. Getting out of my car, I shut the door behind me before walking over to the entrance. A few fans were waiting outside today, unlike a few weeks ago, so I stopped to take a few pictures and sign some autographs before finally entering the place.

It wasn't until I had my hand on the door handle of the dressing room that I felt nerves making their way to my stomach. If I were honest, I was sure I had been nervous this whole time, but the feeling increased when I was this close to meeting everyone again, meeting Harry again. But then again, he might not even be here yet. It wouldn't be the first time he arrived late after all.

Feeling a little more relaxed because of this, I turned the handle and entered the dressing room, instantly being hit by the familiar atmosphere of excitement. The first person my eyes registered was Patrick. He was standing across the room with his arms crossed over his chest while talking to a man in the crew.

The next person I saw was Perrie, who was sitting in an armchair by the couch in the right corner of the room, and oh. She wasn't alone. Harry was sitting on the couch next to her, his wild, brown curls framing his face, and his lips pulled into a gentle smile with his dimples on show. He was wearing a black, loose button-up that displayed his chest with three buttons undone, and a pair of white, oversized dress pants. He was just breathtaking. How could anyone in this room not be attracted to him? He was fucking glowing.

My mouth had fallen open without realizing it, so I quickly closed it again. I needed to focus, not drool over my ex.

"Louis, it's nice to see you again," Patrick greeted, walking over to bring me in a short hug. "How's the break been?"

I shrugged, biting my bottom lip. "It's been alright, I guess. I've gotten back into the same old routines," I replied, leaving out everything that had to do with my realization about Harry.

"Good to hear, mate. We're only waiting for Nick to arrive, then we'll go through a few stuff while the stylists fix you up for the show."

I nodded, sending him a smile before walking over to Perrie and Harry. I didn't exactly want to, but I didn't have anywhere else to go, so with my gaze turned towards the floor, I strode over to the two judges. Thankfully, there was an empty armchair next to Perrie, so I sat down on it without making a sound.

Both of them acknowledged my appearance, though, and they turned their heads in my direction simultaneously. "Hi, Lou. How have you been? It's been a while now," Perrie asked, a smile forming on her red lips.

"I've been great," I smiled back almost too widely, being aware that Harry was looking at me. "What about you?"

Her eyebrows twitched for a second, then she shrugged. "Yeah, I've been alright. But I missed you guys as I told you I would."

Tilting my head to the side, I sent her a genuine smile this time. "I missed you too, Pez. It's sad we'll only see each other today for another month and a half, though," I said, pursing my lips.

"It really is," she agreed. "Where are you all going for the Judges' houses, by the way? Have you decided yet?"

I opened my mouth to tell her about my plans for Ibiza when the sound of a phone ringing interrupted me. Perrie's eyes widened, so I figured it was hers before she had time to fish it from the back pocket of her jeans and look at the screen. "Shit, I gotta take this. I'm sorry, guys," she apologized, getting up from her armchair to walk away.

All the nerves that had been circling my stomach before entering the dressing room returned in the snap of the fingers, and the thick silence that followed after Perrie's disappearance only made it worse. Harry was picking at his newly painted nails. They were black this time, and I had to say they went really well with his appearance. Nail polish just suited him perfectly.

With my teeth sunk into my bottom lip, I didn't notice I was staring until he snapped his face up to meet my eyes, his green ones boring into mine. I swallowed, averting my gaze because it was so intimidating. He was intimidating. I couldn't look him in the eyes, not after what I had come to terms with.

I found it strange, though, because how did I realize I still had feelings for him when it felt like I barely knew him anymore? We had yet to talk about anything, really. We had just been snappy with each other so far, even if I had gotten the feeling that things were changing towards the end of the audition tour.

"Good morning, people," a new voice suddenly greeted, snapping me out of my thoughts.

Nick walked over with a smirk on his lips, sitting down on the couch next to Harry. "Long time no see, my dear friend," he said, pulling Harry into a side hug.

Harry rolled his eyes, a smile gracing his lips. "We hung out yesterday, Nick."

Nick pursed his lips. "Yesterday was a long time ago. It's almost been twenty-four hours," he pointed out, keeping his arm around Harry's shoulders.

Thankfully, Perrie returned then and sat back down in her armchair, but unfortunately, her presence couldn't take my eyes off Harry nor Nick's arm around his shoulder. It wasn't until Patrick told us to get seated in front of the mirrors that I could finally look away, telling myself not to look his way again.

I succeeded pretty well. I did throw some glances in his direction as the stylists fixed us up for the show, but it wasn't too bad... I think. I was pretty sure he didn't notice it, if his interest in talking to Nick and his stylists was anything to go by.

Once we were finished and Patrick had gone through the agenda of the day, I excused myself to go out and have a smoke. I figured I would need it, seeing as I would be inside for the rest of the day.

When I was finished a few minutes later, I decided to make my way to the bathroom instead of going back to the dressing room, realizing I might as well take the opportunity now that I had it.

Whenever I was in this arena, I always went to the same bathroom, and yes, it was that bathroom. It was probably stupid and embarrassing, but I couldn't help it because it just held so many memories. Whenever I entered it, I was always pulled back in time, picturing what happened that day eight years ago.

Then it hit me.

It was today. It was eight years ago today. Eight years since we met each other for the first time, eight years since I saw the curly, green-eyed boy I hadn't been able to stop thinking about ever since. If it wasn't already emotional visiting that bathroom otherwise, it was surely going to be so today.

The second I entered the room, I could feel my heart get heavy in my chest. Just looking at the urinals made memories flash in my mind, how we had been standing there, looking into each other's eyes for the first time. It was the place where it all began, where my and Harry's journey began.

How could something so beautiful turn into nothing?

Blinking my eyes to keep myself together, I walked over to the same urinal I had been standing all those years ago and relieved myself. Once I was finished, I stayed behind to stare at my reflection in the mirror, my hands on each side of one of the sinks. My eyes flicked to the paper towels, a smile crawling to my lips as I remembered how I had used them to wipe off the stain Harry had made on my jeans.

Shaking my head at the thought, I looked down at my forearm where my 'oops' tattoo was. My smile faded as I lifted my other hand to trace the ink, my fingers skimming over it gently, slowly. It was one of my first tattoos, and I could still remember when Harry and I had decided to engrave the first words we had spoken to each other on our skin forever. We had been lying on the couch in our flat in Princess Park, watching some rom-com when Harry told me about the idea. I had never been a fan of tattoos before, but having a tattoo representing Harry was different, especially since the world couldn't know about us. It became our way to show our love for each other.

The sound of a lock clicking almost made me jump. A stall behind my back opened slowly, revealing the curly-haired man himself, making my breath hitch in my throat. What was he doing here? He had been with the other guys just a few minutes ago, so how the hell did he even get here so fast?

The second he looked up and our eyes met in the mirror, I could tell that he did a double-take, probably not expecting me to be here either. He recovered quickly, though, and went over to a sink a few ones away from mine. My eyes followed his every movement, how he removed his rings from his fingers before guiding his hands under the tap to let the water pour onto them, how he clenched and unclenched his jaw every second, how he focused on not turning to look at me, and how he then reached up to grab a few paper towels a few seconds later.

Meanwhile, my heart was pounding in my chest. I didn't recall the last time I had been this nervous around him. I didn't even feel this way when I knew I would meet him for the first time again after two years. This was almost suffocating; being in this room with him only a few days after realizing that my feelings for him had never disappeared.

He threw the paper towels away and turned to leave the bathroom stiffly. That was when my eyes caught sight of the rings he had placed next to the sink, and I didn't think twice when I reached out to grab them.

"Harry, wait."

I could see how he visibly tensed at my words, stopping in his tracks almost immediately. He turned around hesitantly, his features impossible to read as his gaze found mine. I had to inhale a large, subtle breath before extending my hand. "Your rings," I said, averting my gaze from his eyes.

His eyebrows knitted together as he reached his hand out so that I could drop the heavy jewelry in his palm. His eyes turned to them for a second before he looked back up at me. I still couldn't read him. You would think I should be a professional at reading him by now, after spending five years of my life with him, but this wasn't the man I had fallen in love with. This man was still hiding behind a facade, a facade I wanted to disappear because I missed the real him so much.

"I like your nails. They go well with..." I paused to think of the right word. "You," I finished, sinking my teeth into my lip because what the fuck was that?

I could swear I saw the corners of his lips twitch, but it was gone before I could double-check. What I did see, though, was him giving me a curt nod as he pursed his lips before he turned back around to leave the room.

Then he was gone.

I stared at the closed door for a long time until I turned to look at myself in the mirror. The fact that he had been here at the same time as me on this day - when it meant something more - started registering in my head, and I could suddenly feel tears pricking my eyes.

Biting my lip harshly, I looked around the room and fuck. I couldn't handle this right now. It was just too much for me. All these emotions were just too overwhelming, so I decided to get into a stall and sit down on the toilet seat while running my hands over my face.

How could everything have gone so wrong? How could those cute little boys go from being so awkwardly happy to this? Two men who didn't even know how to talk to each other anymore. But what was there really to talk about? I mean, after all, we didn't even know each other anymore. What could I say to someone who was pretty much a stranger to me?

Letting those thoughts sink in, I could feel a single teardrop leave my eye, rolling down my cheek slowly.

If only I could turn back time... I wouldn't hesitate.

Chapter Text

Boot Camp went great. We had really found some fantastic singers this year, just like Logan and I talked about. Frankie and Aaliyah were two of the people we agreed should go through to Judges' Houses, but the Harry fan, Louise, didn't, which I didn't really mind, but Nick was a little grumpy about it.

One thing we all noticed was that we didn't have many groups this year. It was a bit sad, seeing as three of us judges were in a band, but the six acts we sent through to Judges' Houses were far from bad. It would have just been more fun if more groups had applied for the show.

After we had walked off the stage that day, Patrick called us to the lounge room in the arena. We sat down on the two large grey couches in the room, and it wasn't until a man with a giant camera showed up that I realized he was going to mention something that would be included in the show. "Now that Boot Camp is over, it's time to announce what category you have been assigned with," Patrick announced, standing with his hands on his hips in front of us.

I hadn't even thought about it, but now that he mentioned it, it made sense that we would find out about that today. After all, the next stage was the Judges' Houses, where we would go to a place with our assigned group.

"Nick, you'll coach the overs. Perrie, you're assigned with the girls. Louis, you've got the groups, which means that you, Harry, will be coaching the boys. I hope this is alright with all of you."

If I were honest, I couldn't be happier. I had wanted to coach the groups since I decided to take the offer of participating in the show. Of course, I wouldn't have minded coaching any of the other categories, but having the groups had always been a dream of mine.

"Yeah, of course," Perrie smiled. "When do we get to inform the contestants?"

Patrick's lips twitched. "Right now, actually. They're waiting for you in separate rooms, so a crew member will guide you to your individual category."

-----

That working day was over in the snap of the fingers, and we all returned to our separate homes again. I was starting to realize that living alone in my big house was even worse nowadays. I missed everything that involved being around other people and not living alone. If I were completely honest, I missed having Harry around. I was never alone back in the days because from the moment we had to move to London after participating in the X Factor until the band went on hiatus, he had always lived with me.

I lived in ignorance for a long time after that, telling myself that I enjoyed being on my own and that I didn't miss having him around. What a stupid thing to try convincing myself. What person preferred living alone? I bet everyone wanted to have someone around, preferably a person they loved dearly. Harry had always been that person to me. I just hadn't wanted to admit it.

Being all by myself usually resulted in a lot of thinking, and in this case, a sudden interest started building up inside me. It was an interest concerning Harry and his past relationships after me. I knew it was probably not a good idea to look anything up, seeing as I was most likely going to be incredibly heartbroken by it. But the curiosity was increasing every day.

Deep down, I knew I didn't want to see all these people he had loved after me, but at the same time, I had to know. Therefore, I pulled out my laptop from under my bed and opened up Google Chrome after eating breakfast and taking care of Clifford one day. I sat down on the edge of my bed, typing in 'Harry Styles' relationships' in the search bar.

My heart pounded in my chest, my fingers shaking as I clicked enter. The page that came up showed many pictures of Harry with different girls, which wasn't exactly a big surprise. He always had to be seen with all these profiles back in the days, an order from our management. However, I also knew that most of them were just friends of his since some of them were my friends as well.

Seeing Taylor made me almost shudder. It had been five years now, but I still couldn't get over that situation. I knew she was a lovely and talented girl, but she was the first woman Harry'd had to be seen with publically apart from Caroline, so it never sat well with me.

A blonde-haired girl caught my eye then, probably because she was in many pictures and I didn't recognize her. I clicked on one of them, which led me to an article titled 'Harry Styles and Camille Rowe break up after a year of dating'. It made a lump form in my throat, and it felt like someone had just stabbed me in the heart. A whole year?

I then checked when the article was published, only to notice it was just a few months ago. A few months ago. How could I have missed this? And why was she never mentioned? I mean, sure, I didn't exactly enjoy going around talking about Harry, but she must have been brought up sometime if they were together so recently.

Unless she was another stunt.

She could be, but that would mean Harry's new record label knew about his sexuality, seeing as there was no other reason why he would need to date a model like her. Because from what I knew, she wasn't that well-known. Or, they had actually been together, and he just preferred not to talk about her. Maybe she was even the reason he was acting so weird these days.

My head was spinning with so many thoughts and scenarios that I almost got a headache from it. I knew this was a bad idea. I felt sick to my stomach, and I didn't want to look at these pictures a second longer, but I still needed answers. I couldn't go around wondering whether they had been a couple or not. I had to know.

I fished my phone from the pocket of my joggers to dial Liam's number. He picked up on the second ring, answering with a happy, "Hi, Lou."

"Liam," I breathed, running a hand over my face. "I have to ask you something, and if you know the answer, you have to tell me, alright?"

I could feel the hesitation from him on the other end. "What are you talking about?"

I bit my bottom lip, closing my eyes for a few seconds before opening them again. "Do you know anything about Harry dating a woman named Camille Rowe?" I asked, my voice laced with a bit of panic.

Liam let out a deep sigh on the other end. "Louis, what are you doing? Please don't tell me you're looking up things on the internet."

Glancing down at my lap guiltily, I pursed my lips. "I might be, but that's beside the point. Please just answer my question. I have to know," I pleaded.

Liam let out another sigh. "I don't know, Lou. I think they were only seen together a few times, but the media have it they were dating for an entire year. You know how secretive Harry is when it comes to these things, so I think you would get the best answers if you just asked him about it."

My eyes widened at his idea. "I can't ask him, are you crazy? Last time we talked to each other, he said that we shouldn't care whether we are dating other people or not. Fuck, Liam. I have to know. I feel sick to my stomach, not knowing if they were actually together," I huffed frustratingly.

"I understand that you want to know, Lou, but either way, they're not together anymore, so does it really matter that much?" He asked gently.

I furrowed my brows, pressing my lips together. "Yes, it does. I mean, he's allowed to date anyone he wants since we're not together, but it still matters. The way he acts these days might not have anything to do with me if he's hung up on another ex he dated after me," I explained.

He was quiet for a while until he replied, "So, it's not about the fact that you don't want him to have moved on from you?" He was hesitant, and I knew he was because he didn't want to upset me. He knew how easily I could blow up.

I bit the inside of my cheek, looking down at my lap. "I... No. I already know he doesn't love me anymore. I just... I just need to know. A lot of things could have a different meaning if he dated this woman or any other person."

"Alright," he said, giving up. "You should just text him then. It's easier to talk that way, and if he doesn't answer, then you at least tried, yeah?"

I knitted my brows. "Can't you just ask him for me?" I muttered, making Liam chuckle on the other end.

"No, Lou, I can't. Besides, he would probably understand that I'm asking for you anyway, seeing as I wouldn't be interested in knowing whether he dated a woman or not," Liam pointed out.

I let out a defeated sigh. "Yeah, I guess you're right," I mumbled, looking up towards my bedroom door that was ajar, my brows still knitted.

"I'm positive I am," he replied. "So, I guess I'll see you next week when we're going to Ibiza then, yeah?"

A faint smile formed on my lips. "Of course. See you then, mate. And uh, thanks for listening to me. I appreciate it."

"Of course, Lou. You can talk to me about anything whenever you want to, alright? I'll always be here to listen."

My lips twitched at his words as I nodded. "That means a lot. You're a great friend, Li."

"You too, Lou."

The second we had ended the call, I decided not to put my phone away. Instead, I hesitantly opened my contacts, hoping I still had Harry's number saved and that he hadn't changed it over the years. Luckily, I found it only seconds later, but I still let my finger hover over the screen, contemplating if I should do this. Was I really that desperate?

It was probably just very immature of me to think this way. I shouldn't even care, but how could I not when I still had feelings for him? Fuck it. I was doing this.

So without thinking twice, I clicked his name and typed out a message.

Louis: Okay, so his might sound weird, but were you and Camille dating?

The second I hit send, I flipped my phone over so that the screen was facing the bed because I didn't want to see whether it would light up or not. I was acting like a teenager texting their crush for the first time, but I couldn't help it. Harry was my first real crush, and it didn't matter if we had been in a five-year relationship more than two years ago and that I was now a twenty-six-year-old grown man. I felt just as nervous as I did when I asked him for that picture at Boot Camp when we both auditioned for the X Factor.

I decided to close Google Chrome and shut down my laptop entirely since I didn't want to see more pictures. I should have known it would lead to this, that things wouldn't get better if I decided to look it up, but the curiosity got the best of me, and look where that got me.

It wasn't until twenty minutes later I decided to check my phone, a bundle of nerves erupting in my stomach as I lit the screen up. They instantly vanished when I noticed I didn't have any new notifications, and I realized there were only three possible options; one, he had changed numbers. Two, he was busy doing God knows what, so he hadn't seen the text yet. Or three, he didn't want to answer me.

The most probable reason would be that he had changed numbers or just opened the text message and decided not to reply. And why would he reply? He had made it clear that he didn't want to talk about this topic with me, yet it was the first thing I decided to text him about after two years. I was so stupid.

-----

The day went by incredibly slowly after that, and I was positive part of that reason was because I started getting more and more regretful that I had sent the text to Harry in the first place. He hadn't replied, but he had read it, which meant that it was his number and he had seen it. He just didn't want to answer me.

The more time that passed, the more I realized it was pathetic of me to even care so much about this guy. I shouldn't care whether he had dated this woman. I shouldn't care whether he had found someone new after me. I shouldn't care about his life at all, seeing as he had made it so obvious that he didn't love me anymore. I was just pathetic for still feeling the way I did about him.

When I went to bed that night, I sent Liam a text to tell him that his idea was stupid and that I shouldn't have asked Harry about Camille. I then went onto Twitter to check my newsfeed and type out a tweet, asking everyone how they were doing. I replied to a few people before closing the app and getting ready for bed.

Clifford was lying next to me, his entire body stretched out against my side. I ran my hand through his black fur, rubbing behind his ear before reaching over to place my phone on the nightstand. I turned off the lamp while letting out a yawn, turning around to make myself comfortable.

I was just about to close my eyes when my phone screen lit up the room, indicating that I had just gotten a notification. I tried to tell myself that it was probably just Liam who had replied to me, but as I closed my eyes, I couldn't help but feel the urge to check it. So that was how I found myself reaching out to grab the phone in my hand and see what the screen said.

Harry: I thought I told you that we're not talking about this?

-----

I decided to spend the next few days in Doncaster before we were leaving for Ibiza. I stayed at my grandparents' house, where Fizzy, Daisy and Phoebe lived. It had been a long time since I was last there to visit, even if I'd had time these past few weeks. But it was such a long ride that I couldn't see them as much as I wanted, unfortunately.

They all seemed as happy to see me as I was to see them, grandma hugging me tightly to her chest, almost squeezing the life out of me. I had always been her baby, and I knew that our bond would never break no matter what. I was so glad to have her in my life still, that she wasn't gone too because that would break me completely.

I met up with some of my old friends as well, playing some footie with them. Stan and Oli barely let me leave when I said I had to go back to my grandparents'. I understood them, though. I had missed them, and I wanted to spend as much time with them now that I was here too, so I let them know I would show up at their guys' night the next day before I had to leave for London again.

Dan and the youngest set of twins came to visit on the last day of my stay. It had been even longer since I met Doris and Ernest, so I felt even more reluctant to leave Doncaster that day. But, unfortunately, I didn't have a choice.

During my entire stay in Doncaster, I forced myself not to think about Harry and his text message. It had been a great distraction from reality to go back to my hometown, and I wondered why I didn't think about doing it earlier. It would have saved me from having a lot of unnecessary thoughts.

I couldn't keep him out of my mind any longer when I drove back home to London that evening, though. I hadn't been able to sleep the night he replied to my text because a large lump had formed in my stomach. I didn't know if I even wanted him to answer when everything came around, seeing as it felt like I had only made things worse. It had been so stupid of me.

I made a few stops along the way to get some food and use the toilet, but they were so quick that I arrived back home at a reasonable time anyway. So after bringing my bags and Clifford inside, I decided to get to work instantly by rolling my suitcase up to my room and starting to unpack it, only to repack it with summer clothes.

At some point when I did this, my phone vibrated in the back pocket of my black jeans, but I didn't put too much thought into it. It wasn't until I was finished packing and had tossed all my dirty clothes in the laundry basket in the bathroom that I grabbed my phone to check it.

My entire body went rigid as I caught sight of the familiar name on the screen, indicating that I had received a new text message from him. I opened my phone quickly, feeling my heart thump in my chest as I clicked on his name to see the message.

Harry: Why do you even care?

My brows furrowed at his words. Was he still talking about the text I had sent him? It had almost been a week since then, so why was he bringing it back up now?

If I were honest, I didn't know if I should reply to him. It only felt like I would make things worse between us, and I didn't want that. If anything, I wanted us to be able to talk normally again. Yet, I knew I would feel bad if I didn't answer him.

Louis: I just feel like I have a right to know.

Was that harsh? Probably, but I couldn't tell him that I had to know for the sake of my own sanity. Even if spending time with my family had distracted me, it still bugged me that I didn't know whether he had dated that woman or not. It shouldn't matter, as Liam had told me. We weren't together at the time, but it did matter. It just did.

To my surprise, the screen lit up before I had even time to put my phone away again. I was more prepared for his reply this time, but it didn't stop my heart from racing anyway.

Harry: That's a bit weird, isn't it? But if so, you shouldn't mind if I asked you if something is going on between you and that man in the crew.

A laugh escaped my lips, and I muffled it with the back of my hand. Even if I could tell he was serious about it, I couldn't help but find it funny. It warmed my heart knowing he couldn't drop that matter. It made me wonder if it had been on his mind since the first time he asked me about it.

I walked back to my bedroom and sat down on the edge of my bed. Clifford was already lying at the end of it, his body turned so that he was lying on his side with his eyes closed. A smile formed on my lips at the sight, and it stayed there when I turned my attention back to my phone.

Louis: There isn't.

When he didn't reply right away, I decided to get ready for bed. Liam and I were leaving pretty early the next day, and I wanted to be well-rested then. So I stripped down to my boxers before getting under the covers, making sure not to disturb Cliff in his sleep as I did so. I then turned off the lamp on my nightstand, letting the darkness take over the room.

I stayed on my phone for at least ten minutes until I could feel my eyelids get heavy. Hanging out with the guys had taken a lot of energy from me last night, and then waking up to spending time with my four-year-old siblings had completely worn me out, so it wasn't really a surprise that I was tired.

Just when I thought sleep would take over my body, my phone vibrated in my hand, indicating that I had just received a new text. My eyes sprang open, and I didn't hesitate to leave the app I was currently on to open it.

Harry: No, we weren't.

-----

I woke up later than I wanted to the next day, so I had to stress a lot to get to the airport on time. On top of that, I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to drop Clifford off at Eleanor's place, so I had to drive so fast that I was sure the cops would have taken my driver's license from me if I had bumped into them.

Somehow, I still managed to get to the airport on time. I walked through the glass doors, trying to look for where I was supposed to check in my luggage. When I eventually found my flight on the board, I headed to the correct check-in.

There were many people here, but neither of them seemed to recognize me, and maybe that was because I was wearing a black hoodie, my black Adidas cap and a pair of sunglasses. I had also pulled the hood of my hoodie over my cap, doing all I could not to make a scene.

I caught sight of Liam almost immediately when I found the right place. He was leaning against a wall outside a coffee shop with his phone in his hand. He was also wearing a hoodie, but his was grey instead of black. He was also wearing a pair of black sunglasses, probably not to get recognized by anyone, just like my intention was. Sadly for him, I could see right through his disguise, though.

Without gaining anyone's attention, I walked over to the man with a smile on my face. "Oi oi."

Liam looked up, his lips instantly twitching. "Louis," he greeted, bringing me into a hug. "It's been way too long since we met in real life, Jesus."

Once we had departed, I shrugged. "Yeah, but we're here now, aren't we?" I smirked.

"That we are," he chuckled, nodding his head.

He then looked down at his phone for a few seconds before looking back up at me. "You're not going to believe what I just found out."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?"

A wide smile formed on his lips as he raised his eyebrows. "I just talked to Niall. Apparently, Harry has chosen him to be his guest for the Judges' Houses, and they're going to Ibiza as well, but instead of today, they're going tomorrow."

Of fucking course.

Chapter Text

"I swear to God, if they're staying anywhere close to this hotel, I'm packing my bags and going back home," I told Liam the following morning, pacing our shared room back and forth while running my hands through my hair.

Liam was lying on his bed, propped up on his elbow while studying me with furrowed eyebrows. "What's so bad about them being here? I just don't understand. I thought you said you had realized your feelings for Harry never disappeared?" He asked in confusion.

I stopped pacing to stare at him with my hands on my hips. "It doesn't matter. Things are still so tense between us, and I would just like to get a break from it for a while."

An amused smile formed on Liam's lips. "You're a terrible liar, Louis. It's obvious you don't mean that. I feel like you're just trying to hide the fact that you miss him."

I pulled my eyebrows together, shaking my head slowly. "It's pointless, though. Why miss someone you don't even talk to? It's just pathetic," I muttered, sitting down on the bed at his feet.

He sat up against the headboard, looking at the side of my face. "It's not pathetic. You were together for five years, so it's not hard to believe that you miss him, especially after being around him for a couple of weeks now."

Pursing my lips, I placed my elbows on my knees to support my head with my hands. "I don't know, but I don't want to talk about this. I shouldn't feel this way about him anyway."

Liam was quiet for a while before he opened his mouth. "So, he never replied to your text then?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

I turned to him quickly, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth. "Huh?"

"You don't remember that you called me panicking last week because you had found a picture of him and a woman?"

Looking down at my lap, I pursed my lips. "Oh, that. Yeah, he replied when I was about to go to sleep," I explained, looking back up at him.

He raised his eyebrows, seeming a bit surprised. "What did he say then?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "That he had already told me we're not talking about us dating other people."

Liam rolled his eyes in amusement. "I swear, you two are like teenagers. Why can't you just answer each other's questions?" He asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

I pulled my brows together. "Ask him. He was the one mentioning it. Besides, he never really answers my questions, so he's the real child here. Don't involve me in the teenager category," I huffed.

He chuckled lightly. "If you say so."

We went quiet then, and I kept my gaze on my lap while contemplating whether I should tell him what happened after that. Then I figured it didn't matter if I did. "He texted me again yesterday," I mumbled, almost afraid to look up.

"What?" Liam said, and I could feel him staring at the side of my face.

"He texted me when I had just arrived back home from Doncaster. He asked me why I cared," I explained, finally looking up to meet his gaze.

His eyes were wide open as he stared back at me. "What did you say to that?"

I shrugged. "I told him I felt like I had a right to know."

Liam's eyes finally turned back to normal as his lips spread into an amused smile. "Clever," he chuckled. "Did he tell you then?"

"He said that it was weird of me to think so, and then he told me I shouldn't mind telling him whether I was dating a guy in the crew that he thinks I've been flirting with if that was the case. So, I told him the truth, saying that I'm not, and then he told me that he and that woman never dated," I explained, pursing my lips while looking away from him again.

I could see through the corner of my eye that Liam was smirking, and it made me feel funny inside because he was doing it in a way that made me nervous about what he was going to say next. "I'd say that's progress. If he replied to your text a week after you sent it to him, wondering why you asked him that question, he must have been thinking about it, right?"

Pursing my lips, I turned to meet his gaze. "Maybe, I don't know. But I'd rather focus on the contestants while I'm here, and that won't be easy if he's staying anywhere near this hotel," I concluded.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "He's sitting at the same table as you during the show, so it can't be that hard to focus if that would be the case," he pointed out, making me glare at him.

"Oh, shut up. That's not the same thing."

When he gave me a pointed look, I glared back at him. "It's not, okay?"

The smirk playing on his lips remained on his face as he got up from the bed to get his phone from the desk across the room. "Too bad," he said, reading something on his phone. "Because they're staying at the hotel across the street."

I ran my hands over my face while letting out a frustrated groan. "Fuck my life."

He sat down on the bed beside me, typing away on his phone. It lasted for so long that I started getting a bit suspicious. "Are you talking to Niall?" I asked, trying to get a glimpse of the screen, but he moved it away from me.

"Maybe, maybe not," he replied, glancing at me.

I rolled my eyes, getting up from the bed to walk over to my suitcase, which was lying on the floor across the room. It had felt unnecessary to unpack it since we were only staying here for four days, so I had to rummage through it to find a pair of swimming trunks. When I eventually saw a red pair, I grabbed them along with a white tank top before striding into the bathroom, ignoring Liam, who was still sitting on the edge of his bed.

It wasn't until I exited the bathroom that Liam turned to look at me, a wide smile forming on his lips the second his eyes landed on my figure. There was something about the smile that made me suspicious. "What is going on?"

"We've got plans," he announced, making me narrow my eyes at him.

"The only plans I know of is that we're going out to work on a tan. I hope that's your plan as well."

He shrugged his shoulders. "It kind of is, actually. We're going to the beach," he said, the smile never leaving his face.

"Why would we go to the beach? There are plenty of pools and sunbeds in the hotel area," I pointed out. "Besides, I'd rather not lie on a beach where people might recognize me. If they see two members of One Direction, they are most likely going to come over, Liam."

He seemed unbothered by this matter and just shrugged his shoulders. "The beach is just across the street, and there are mostly just people who are staying at the few hotels in the area that visit it, so I'm sure we don't have to worry about that."

His words made me even more suspicious because I didn't see why we couldn't just stay at the pool. My eyes flickered between his phone and his face, and it didn't take more than a few seconds until it clicked in my head. "Niall and Harry are going there as well, aren't they?" I huffed, tilting my head to the side while crossing my arms over my chest.

He bit his bottom lip. "They haven't arrived at their hotel yet. They're at the airport right now, but yeah, they are," he admitted.

When I opened my mouth to start protesting, he cut me off by continuing to talk. "Come on, Louis. How often do we get an opportunity like this? It's been what? Two and a half years since we were all together. We used to see each other every day for five years, so how can we not take this chance?" He said, looking at me pleadingly.

I let out a sigh, throwing my head back in exasperation. "I fucking hate you, Liam. You know that?" I groaned, walking over to fetch the sunscreen from my suitcase. "I'm going to the pool now. Come get me when I don't have any other choice but to go with you." 

With that said, I left the hotel room, shutting the door behind me.

-----

It felt like I had only stayed at the pool for a few minutes when Liam showed up to say that we were leaving. I had barely had time to think about what was to come yet, but I knew I probably couldn't prepare myself for it anyway. Having to see Harry in nothing but swimming trunks again, and this time knowing I still had feelings for him wasn't a good idea. Sadly, it seemed like I could do nothing about it.

"Do we really have to go?" I grimaced as he hovered over me, blocking the sun from my body.

"Yes," he said without sounding sympathetic at all, extending a hand for me to take.

I let out a groan as I sat up, ignoring his hand and getting up on my own instead. I pulled my tank top over my head before slipping my feet into my flip-flops and grabbing my sunscreen and the towel I had fetched from the reception earlier. "Guide me the way, Payno."

Liam rolled his eyes and started walking towards the exit of the hotel. The walk to the beach only lasted a few minutes, but we were silent the entire time. I was still a bit pissed at him, and I could tell he knew this, which must be why he decided to keep quiet. He knew I would probably only get more pissed if he said anything.

The second we reached the beach, I noticed that Liam was right. There weren't many people here, merely a few families and other companies that were probably staying at the hotels around the place. Therefore, it didn't take long until I spotted the two men a few yards away, lying on two sunbeds while talking to each other.

I could feel a large knot form in the pit of my stomach as my heart started racing. Even if it was already hot outside, I could feel my body getting even hotter at the thought of having to be around Harry again. Was it too late to turn around and go back to the hotel?

I forced my legs to move towards them, Liam not hesitating for a second as he called out their names.

"Nialler, Harold!"

The two turned in our direction, and I could feel myself swallowing. For the first time in my life, I was happy that Harry was wearing sunglasses so that I couldn't see his eyes. The worst part was that he could still see mine, and they were currently taking in his looks. He was wearing a pair of short, yellow swimming trunks and a black snapback, but his upper body was bare.

If it weren't for the fact that I was sure it was 2018, I would have thought we were back in 2013 because he had worn the same outfit then. I was positive it was even the same pair of swimming trunks, and I had always loved them, even if they were incredibly short. Maybe that was why, though.

I inhaled a large breath before quickly averting my gaze, turning to focus on Niall instead. Liam had already received a hug from both of them while I had been standing frozen on my spot, so I snapped back to reality and leaned down to give Niall a hug. "It's nice to see you again, man. It's been too long."

I hadn't met Niall since only a few months after we went on hiatus, which was almost exactly two years ago. "And you've got your natural hair color now. I like it," I smiled, ruffling his brown locks before pulling away from him altogether.

"It's nice to see you too, Tommo. I've missed your sassy ass," he smirked, making me chuckle.

"It's always on point, isn't it?" I joked, to which he laughed.

"Can you believe we're all here together? I mean, what were the odds that Harry and Louis would choose the same destination for the Judges' houses?" Liam commented, smiling brightly. "It's almost like a reunion."

I furrowed my eyebrows, not knowing what to think of that. Through the corner of my eye, I could see that Harry didn't particularly like the idea either. "It's not a reunion, Liam. More like a coincidental meeting," I muttered, making him roll his eyes.

"Whatever. I think we should enjoy the fact that we're all here. It's been too long since we were together like this, and it shouldn't continue that way. One day, we're bound to get back together anyway, so let's see this as a start of something good."

I just stared at him, wondering what exactly was going on inside his head. Niall seemed to think like him, though, because he was smiling at Liam's words. "I agree with you, Payno. Let's enjoy this time together."

I decided not to reply to that, and neither did Harry. He was staring up towards the sky, his lips pressed into a thin line.

Liam and I decided to settle down then. Unfortunately, Niall and Harry had chosen two sunbeds towards the end of the row, so there was only one empty one next to Niall, and Liam didn't hesitate to sit down on it, which left me with no other choice but to take the empty sunbed next to Harry. It felt like Liam had transformed into Patrick, seeing as this was a move he would make, not my best friend. But I wasn't exactly surprised.

I draped my towel over the sunbed with a huff before pulling my tank top over my head. I then laid down, ignoring that Harry was only a foot away from me. I couldn't stop myself from glancing at him, though. Even if he had his sunglasses on, I knew his eyes were closed since his face was completely relaxed. It was something I had picked up when I studied him in the mornings back in the days.

I bit my lip, examining him a bit longer before deciding to be bold. I had always been quite bold when growing up, but after everything I had been through over the last few years, I had turned into a more reserved person, even if I sometimes bit back at people that pissed me off. So, even if I was more reserved, I still had a temper.

My heartbeat quickened as I reached out to the curly-haired man, taking his sunglasses off without a second thought and putting them onto my own face instead. Through the corner of my eye, I could see how he turned his head to me so quickly that I was sure it must have hurt his neck.

"You're going to get an ugly tan if you're wearing these," I mumbled, staring up at the sky just like he had done a couple of minutes ago.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "And you think you're immune to that? Besides, I thought you said wearing sunglasses is disrespectful."

I turned my head to meet his gaze, his beautiful green eyes already staring at me. I couldn't help but smile, which was stupid because he wasn't using a very nice tone, and there wasn't anything funny. "It is disrespectful, especially when you're inside. But I don't mind them outside when the sun is shining," I told him, raising my eyebrows. "You don't agree?"

He furrowed his brows, averting his gaze with an unreadable look on his face. "They're helpful, though," he muttered, almost inaudible.

"For what?" I asked. "Hiding your eyes?"

He let out a dry laugh. "That's why you don't like it when I'm wearing them? Because you can't see my eyes?" He asked, tilting his head to the side while looking at me.

My mouth fell open as my heart almost stopped beating altogether. Swallowing, I took off his sunglasses and tossed them back at him. They landed on his chest, but he didn't seem to care about it. "I told you I don't like them because it's disrespectful, didn't I?"

An emotionless look fell on his face as he picked up the Ray-Bans to put them on again. "Alright," he shrugged, getting up from his sunbed. "Niall, do you wanna go play some beach volleyball? We can go ask if we can join the people over there." He pointed in the direction of a group currently hitting a ball over the net.

"Sure," Niall beamed, instantly getting up from his sunbed as well. "Liam, Louis, are you joining us? We could use an empty net to play against each other instead?"

I opened my mouth to decline the offer, but Liam sent me a pointed look, which made me grimace. "Only if I'm on the same team as Payno," I said, getting up to walk over to a now standing Liam to wrap an arm around his shoulder.

"Of course," Niall smiled. "Harold, can you go ask those people for a ball? I'm sure they won't be able to say no to you, you irresistible twat."

Harry let out a scoff but walked off to the group anyway, while Liam, Niall and I headed towards the court on the other side of the beach. The way Harry had reacted to Niall's words made me think of how different it was from how he had acted at the pub a few weeks ago. That time, he had just eaten it all up and smirked when Nick asked him to fix a booth for us, but now he almost seemed to deny the fact that he could get whatever he wanted.

It was weird how things had changed so quickly, and I wondered if it was because Niall was the one asking him this time or if it was because of something else. Either way, I liked this Harry better than the other one.

Just as predicted, Harry returned with a yellow, white and blue Mikasa ball in his hands a minute later, a wide smile playing on his lips. "I think they recognized me because they all went quiet when I got there, and they didn't hesitate to give me the ball. They also told me I could keep it."

Niall just chuckled while Liam rolled his eyes. "I'm not surprised," he said, shaking his head in amusement.

I just bit my bottom lip and looked away from him. I wasn't surprised that they recognized him either, but couldn't they at least try to hide the fact that they were starstruck a little better?

We started playing shortly after that. I was thankful that it wasn't my first time playing the sport because I didn't want to be the guy they had to explain all the rules to. I was pretty sure we had even played it together once back in the days when we had been staying at a hotel in Spain. I had also played it with my friends when we had been on vacation in school.

It seemed like Harry had definitely played the sport before judging by his skills. I had to say I was a bit impressed, but I knew better than to say anything about it. He already had a big enough ego if the way he had been acting the first couple of days of the X Factor journey was anything to go by. It didn't need to get even bigger.

Harry was currently serving, sending the ball over to my and Liam's side of the court. I passed it over to Liam, who set the ball back to me to hit it over the net. Harry received it with ease, passing the ball over to Niall, who set it back to him only for Harry to hit it over the net again. A loud 'oof' escaped my lips as the ball hit me in the chest, almost sending me backward if it weren't for the fact that my balance saved me.

I narrowed my eyes at the curly-headed man who sent me a smirk. "You're on, Styles," I huffed, dusting myself off even if I hadn't fallen into the sand.

He just rolled his eyes as Niall strode over to the baseline to serve the ball. After Liam had hit the ball over the net, Niall had to make an effort to pass it, but he succeeded by throwing himself into the sand. Harry read the game and understood that Niall wouldn't have time to get up and hit the ball over the net, so he passed the ball to us, trying to be sneaky by placing it in the front of the court. But I saw through him and ran up to it, passing it over to Liam, who set it back to me. I made out where Harry was on the court before jumping up to spike the ball over the net.

It hit Harry right in the face, causing his sunglasses to fall off. It was a miracle how he managed to stay with his feet on the ground, but nevertheless, the sight was so funny that I couldn't help but let out a bark of laughter. "In your face... literally."

Niall and Liam burst out laughing too, while Harry sent me a long glare. Without a word, he bent down to pick up his sunglasses that had managed to not get broken before walking back to the sunbeds. Niall and Liam both turned to me with raised eyebrows, making me shrug my shoulders.

"We should go check on him," Niall implied, biting his lip.

Liam nodded in agreement while I let out a sigh, following the two men to the sunbeds where Harry was now splayed on his, staring up at the sky with his Airpods in his ears. He couldn't make it more evident that he didn't want to be disturbed.

So it was okay for him to hit me, but not the other way around?

But then I noticed the red mark forming around his nose, and I couldn't help but feel my chest tighten. Okay, maybe hitting him in the face was a step too far, but he still overreacted. There was no reason for him to just walk away like that.

Niall and Liam noticed Harry's appearance too and decided not to interrupt. Instead, they started talking about something that I could barely make out, so I decided to focus on Harry because he was the most exciting person to look at on the beach. The way his chest moved up and down with every breath he took, the way his tattoos were glistening with sweat by the sun shining down on his body, the way the stubble on his cheeks made him look so fucking good, and the way those swimming trunks displayed his amazing thighs-

"It's not nice to stare."

I could feel every muscle in my body freeze at the words, my breath hitching in my throat. I thought he had been listening to music. Why else was he wearing his Airpods?

With a lot of willpower, I forced the panic down and let out a breathy laugh. "I'm just staring at your red nose... Rudolph."

He removed his sunglasses to send me a glare. "Fuck off."

Before we could say anything else, Niall interrupted us. "Guys, Liam and I think it'd be fun to go out clubbing tomorrow night after you've finished recording the show. What do you say about that?"

Chapter Text

"Louis?" Harry asked, looking up at me through his eyelashes.

We were cuddling on our couch in Princess Park, his head tucked into my neck as I carded my hands through his luscious curls. I couldn't get enough of them, his soft, chocolate brown locks. They were just irresistible.

We had returned from Leeds a few weeks ago, and yesterday, we had decided to tell Simon about what had happened during our trip. We didn't know what to expect, but his reaction took us both by complete surprise, and not in a good way.

"Yes, love?"

I looked down to meet his green eyes with a lazy smile on my lips, trying to shake yesterday's happenings out of my head.

"What Simon told us, it won't tear us apart, right? His opinion doesn't matter."

He was saying it in a way that made it obvious he was afraid that I didn't agree with him. It saddened me that he thought I wasn't as devoted to this relationship as I was. If only he knew how much I loved him, how much I cared for him. Meeting him and getting to spend every day in his company was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, shaking my head as I continued running my hands through his hair. "Of course his opinion doesn't matter. Whatever he decides to do to us won't stop me from loving you and wanting to be with you. Alright, Haz?"

A happy smile formed on his lips, and he scooted even closer to my body. "You promise?"

"Yes, love," I said, leaning down to press a sweet kiss to his forehead. "I promise."

-----

"I can't believe you and Niall are doing this to us," I told Liam that night after I had come back from recording the first part of the Judges' houses episode.

I had been out eating with the contestants, chatting with them about the upcoming day. Most of them seemed pretty calm so far, but I was sure the nerves would kick in when they had to perform tomorrow.

Liam was lying on his bed, one of his legs crossed over the other with his arms behind his head. He looked over at me where I was standing with my arms folded over my chest, leaning against the bathroom door. "This isn't about you and Harry, Louis," Liam sighed.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "It's about the band, isn't it? You want us all to hang out now that we're here together and all that."

His face changed into a look of slight frustration. "It honestly surprises me that the band didn't go on hiatus because of your breakup. I'm sure it would have been the reason if you two had broken up before it was announced."

I blinked at him, although I knew he was right. There was no way Harry and I would have been able to continue being in the band longer than we were after our breakup. Those months we had to pretend in front of the cameras before the hiatus were horrible.

"Fuck off," I muttered, averting my gaze from him.

"I don't even understand why you find it so repulsive to be around him. Apart from hitting each other while we were playing beach volley, I didn't see any problem with you spending time together," he pointed out.

I bit my lip, still refusing to meet his gaze. Maybe it had been one of the better encounters Harry and I had since our breakup, but that didn't mean things weren't less tense between us. Ever since he had pointed me out for staring at him, I had been refusing to think about it.

When I didn't say anything, Liam decided to speak up again. "I think you two should talk. It's not hard to tell that there's some kind of barrier between you that needs to be sorted out. Have you even talked about your breakup since it happened?" He asked, raising his eyebrows at me.

I swallowed, shaking my head. "No, and I don't plan on it either."

"Why not?"

Finally looking up at the brown-haired man, I pulled my eyebrows together. "Because I don't want to be reminded of it."

I walked over to sit down on the edge of my bed while Liam let out a deep sigh. "Well, you refuse to tell anyone what happened, which I respect, but I think it would be a good idea to talk to someone, and if I can't be that person or anyone else, then talk to Harry about it. He knows what went down, so you don't have to explain anything, and it might also help you both move on from it," he tried to reason.

Running my hands over my face, I let out a frustrated groan. "Why do you think I have to talk about it? And if I talk to Harry, he's just going to open up the wounds he made that evening, and I don't want that. I've been handling it well on my own, and I don't want to be reminded of it again."

He let out another sigh. "Aren't you reminded of it by just seeing him, though?"

I dropped my hands to look up at him, feeling my heart ache at his words. Of course seeing Harry reminded me of what happened between us. There wasn't a single time I looked at him and didn't think of what he confessed to me that evening, and it made me want to cry. It also made me want to grab him and shake some fucking sense into his body because how could he do that to me?

"Can you please explain how I'm still in love with him?" I asked Liam, looking at him almost desperately.

I barely noticed that he got up from his bed to sit down next to me until I could feel his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to his side. "Love can't always be explained, Louis. Sometimes we know we shouldn't love a person, but we do anyway because it's our hearts' decision, not our minds'."

Pursing my lips, I leaned down to place my head on his shoulder. "Yeah, I guess. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if things would have been different if I had never hurt him. Would he still have done what he did to me?"

Liam rubbed my arm reassuringly, shaking his head gently so that he wouldn't knock me off his shoulder. "Don't think like that, Louis. I don't know what happened, but judging from the way you've talked about him and how you felt after your breakup, I feel like he can't be innocent. But I still think it would be a great idea for you to talk. Maybe you'll get an answer to why he did what he did, and you can explain to him what you feel you did wrong."

I lifted my head to look at him, biting my bottom lip gently, almost nervously, because the mere thought of talking to Harry about what happened between us that night felt nothing but terrifying. I didn't know if I could do it, even if I wanted to. "We'll see," I muttered at last.

Liam nodded in agreement. "I just think it would do you good. You know I want what's best for you, Lou. Always."

"Yeah," I smiled. "I know."

-----

We spent the next day at the pool. Liam kept texting Niall the entire time, which I could tell by how he constantly typed on his phone. Maybe some of the texts were to Maya as well, but since he brought up Niall a lot during the day, I was sure most of them were to him.

Laying by the pool instead of the beach was a lot less dramatic. It felt like nothing could really go wrong when Harry wasn't around. No mistakes were made from my side, and there were no tense conversations. I still dreaded what the night at the club would be like, though, which was why I couldn't relax entirely, even if I should be able to.

Recording the show went great. Two of the six groups stood out the most. One consisted of two twin girls in their twenties, and the other consisted of two girls and two boys, whose harmonies were so great that they brought a smile to both my and Liam's faces during their performance.

"Picking two groups won't be difficult for you, but the question is what third act you should send through to the live shows," Liam had told me when we drove back to the hotel we were staying at. The contestants were staying at another hotel.

"Yeah, I know."

It was now eight in the evening, and I had been sitting on my bed for the last thirty minutes, avoiding getting ready to go out. Liam had been nagging at me for half of that time, telling me we would be late if I didn't get up anytime soon. So when I eventually did, it was reluctantly.

"Can I wear this?" I asked him once I was dressed in a pair of light blue jeans ripped at the knees and a navy blue checkered Umbro long-sleeved shirt.

Liam turned around, a smile forming on his lips upon seeing my appearance. "You look great, mate. But we really gotta go, so please hurry to put your shoes on."

I rolled my eyes but did as told anyway, slipping my feet into my white Adidas sneakers. Liam then grabbed my hand to pull us out of the room to the elevator. "There's a cab waiting for us outside, and we're going to pick Niall and Harry up on the way," he informed me when the doors opened so that we could enter the lobby.

"Great," I said, faking a smile. "Absolutely amazing."

Liam shot me a look through the corner of his eyes, his lips twitching. "Don't pretend like your heart isn't racing right now only because you're going to see him again in a few minutes."

Flashing him a glare, I averted my gaze. "That's not true," I muttered, wishing that I was right even though I knew my heart most definitely started thumping in my chest when he said we were going to pick them up.

"Whatever you say, Lou. Whatever you say."

A yellow cab was indeed waiting for us outside the hotel when we stepped out of the building. Liam got into the passenger seat, leaving me with no other choice but to sit down in the backseat.

Since Harry and Niall were staying at the hotel across the streets, it didn't take more than a minute until we pulled over outside of it.

Nerves accompanied the thumping of my heart as the two figures came into view through the window. Harry was wearing another Gucci suit today, one I hadn't seen him wear before. It was black with red and purple flowers. It reminded me a bit of the one he had been wearing when we had our last performance together as a band at the X Factor, but there were even more flowers - mostly roses - on this one.

My question was how he always managed to look so good. He didn't even have to try. It just came naturally to him.

"You're sitting in the middle, Harry," Niall said when he opened the door.

"No way, I'm the tallest," the curly-haired man disagreed with a huff.

Niall let out a snort. "I don't care."

Harry let out a sigh before ducking his head to get into the car. He shot me a quick look, his eyes taking in my appearance before scooting over, not stopping until his thigh almost nudged into mine. Niall got in next before he shut the door so that we could drive off again.

I tried to breathe as normally as possible for the entire ride while being very aware that Harry was sitting closer to me than he had in years. His suit-clad arm was touching mine, and his thigh bumped into my own every time the driver made a turn. It was almost suffocating, and I was pretty sure Harry noticed how tense I was, but he thankfully didn't make any signs of it.

The second the cab came to a stop outside the club, I didn't hesitate to open the door and inhale a large breath of fresh air. Being surrounded by Harry's sweet smell and his presence in general made me feel like some sort of animal that couldn't make out anything else when they were around their prey.

"This is a club for celebrities or at least known people, so there won't be any fans around or anything like that. Niall and I thought that would be for the best since we haven't been seen all four of us since we went on hiatus, and we don't want people to start talking and getting their hopes up," Liam informed when we started walking towards the entrance.

There was no line outside, but two buff guys were standing outside the doors, their arms crossed over their chests with bored looks on their faces. "Great idea," Harry muttered while I inspected the guys.

"So the bouncers have to recognize the people who want to enter, or else they aren't allowed to go inside, or what?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

Niall shrugged. "It's either that, or you have to prove who you are in another way. For example, if you're working for a show or a movie, you can just show your ID and the card you're using while filming, so it's not that hard to get inside."

"Fair enough," I mumbled.

We made our way to the bouncers, who raised their eyebrows upon seeing us. "One Direction, I see. My kids are huge fans," one of the men announced, letting us all through.

"Tell them we said hi," Harry smiled, patting the man on the shoulder.

A smile instantly replaced the bored expression on the man's face. "I sure will, Mr. Styles."

I couldn't help but smile at the scene. That was something the Harry I had always known would do, say something sweet like that to make the person in question feel better. He always made sure to do this since he loved making people happy.

"How do you do that?" Liam asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

Harry turned to him in confusion. "What?"

"Make everyone smile. Those two men looked like they had never seen the sun in their lives, yet you put a smile on one of their faces. How do you do?"

Harry's lips twitched as he shrugged. "It's not that hard, Liam."

The brown-eyed man pursed his lips. We then stepped into the pretty crowded club for only being for celebrities. I didn't know so many people were here in Ibiza right now, but it was a pretty common destination to go to if you wanted to party, so maybe I shouldn't be surprised.

I could make out two dance floors, a booth area further down the place, and two bars next to each dance floor. "Niall and I have already reserved a booth," Liam announced, shouting over the loud music that was blaring from the speakers.

"Great," Harry smiled, being the first one to take a step into the place. "You go sit down while I get the drinks."

He walked off to the bar, Liam, Niall and I watching his figure as he stalked away from us. When Niall and Liam continued staring after him without saying a thing, I let out a breathy laugh. "He did the same thing when we went out in Cardiff a few weeks ago."

They just nodded before taking me to the booth they had reserved. We walked by a few other groups along the way, and I didn't recognize most of them, even if this club was only for well-known people. There was a little tab with the name 'One Direction' on the table we stopped at, making me let out a chuckle.

"You're going all-in on this reunion thing, aren't you?"

Niall shrugged his shoulders, a smile playing on his lips. "Thought it described us pretty well."

"I agree," Liam butted in, sitting down on one of the chairs.

Rolling my eyes, I sat down next to him, Niall taking one of the seats in front of us. There was a great view of one of the dance floors from the booth, the people moving around just next to us. This meant I also had a great view of the nearest bar, where Harry was currently sitting on one of the stools, grinning towards the bartender while leaning against the counter with his chin in his palm.

"Why does he always flirt with the bartenders?" I muttered under my breath, hoping neither Liam nor Niall could hear me.

"What did you say?" Niall asked, looking at me with raised eyebrows.

"Nothing," I smiled forcefully, my eyes turning back to watch Harry walk away from the bar.

Only a few seconds later, he sat down in the seat next to Niall and opposite me, the wide grin still on his face. "They'll be up here with our drinks in a few minutes," he informed us, placing his arms on the table.

"You probably got them for free," I mumbled, averting my gaze from him with a bored look on my face.

Harry's green eyes snapped up to look at me, something unknown flashing through his irises. "No, I didn't. I'm more than capable of paying for the stuff I want," he said coldly.

I pressed my lips in a thin line. "Sure."

He narrowed his eyes at me before averting his gaze. "So, what have you all been up to these few years?" He asked us all, changing the topic.

Liam cleared his throat. "Well, as you probably know, I've released a song named 'Strip That Down', and I've also been modeling for Hugo lately."

I let out a loud groan, pressing a hand against my forehead. "Please don't remind me of that song. I won't be able to hear it again."

Liam looked offended by my words while Niall let out a loud laugh, throwing his head back. Meanwhile, Harry's lips twitched, and I knew he thought about the same thing I did. "There's nothing wrong with it," Liam protested.

"No, it's not that," I reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's just that a contestant performed it, and it was fucking awkward and he was bad. I'm sorry, but he ruined that song for me," I apologized, making Liam pout.

"He's not joking, Payno. It wasn't very good. He kind of ruined the song for me too if I'm being honest," Harry grimaced.

Liam pursed his lips, letting out a huff. "Seems like I'll have to write a new one then."

His words made us all laugh, wide smiles breaking out on our faces. Not long after that, the bartender arrived with our drinks, placing the plate in the middle of the table. "Thank you," Harry grinned, showing off his teeth to the male.

The man nodded as he returned the smile before leaving. There were at least three drinks each on the plate, which took us all by surprise. "Harry, you didn't have to order these many drinks," Liam said, blinking.

Harry waved his hand in dismissal. "No worries, mate," he smiled. "You can just pay for the next round, eh?"

Liam smiled while nodding. "Sure."

"So, tell us about you, Harry. You've been the busiest one since we went on break," Niall said, patting the man on his upper back while reaching out to grab a drink.

Harry pursed his lips, looking down at the table before grabbing a drink himself, bringing it to his lips to take a sip. "I've released an album and been on tour. I've also participated in a movie," he explained, still not looking up from the table.

My mouth fell open in surprise. He had been in a movie? How much had I missed of his life?

"That's honestly so impressive. How have you managed to do all that in only two years?" Liam asked, his eyes wide open too.

Harry just shrugged his shoulders, not seeming interested in saying anything. His actions made me a little suspicious. Why was he avoiding eye contact? And why did it seem like he would rather talk about something else?

"Harold's songs are so fucking good, though. 'Meet Me In The Hallway' and 'Sweet Creature' have to be two of my favorites," Niall butted in, taking a large swig of his drink.

Harry visibly tensed in his seat, his jaw clenching. The grip on his drink tightened as well. Meanwhile, I could feel Liam's gaze flickering between me and Harry, which made me feel a bit uneasy. "Have you heard his songs, Louis?" He asked me, even though he already knew the answer.

I shot him a look that said, 'I'll fucking kill you' before clearing my throat. "I uh... No, I haven't," I admitted, making Harry's head snap up for the first time in a while.

He seemed relieved about this fact, his jaw relaxing again. Niall, on the other hand, looked at me in surprise. "Really? Man, you've been missing out."

Harry shot him a glare while I let a faint smile form on my lips. Neither of us said anything else about the topic, and we ended up moving on to what Niall had been up to the past few years instead.

Half an hour later, we had emptied all the drinks Harry had ordered along with a round of beer that Liam had paid for. The pints were so large that two normal ones would probably fit in them, so it took a while for us to empty them all. However, Niall quickly ordered a round of shots once they were finished, which we downed in one go.

"I wanna go dance," Niall announced, almost bouncing in his seat. "Harold, you coming with me?"

Judging from the way Harry was lulling his head to the side and the way his eyes couldn't focus, it was safe to say that he was feeling the alcohol. "Sure, Nialler. I'll be there in a sec," he replied.

Liam got up from his seat to use the toilets, leaving me and Harry by ourselves as Niall stalked off. Somehow, I didn't feel nervous about the situation, and I was pretty sure it was because of the alcohol. It felt like nothing could bother me right now. "I'm definitely not dancing tonight," I mumbled, primarily to myself while shaking my head.

I could feel Harry look at me. "No? You're afraid another stranger will grab your ass?" He asked challangely.

My mouth dropped open in shock, but I quickly shut it again. "Maybe you shouldn't hang at the bar. You know, if there's another girl whose intention is to spike your drink," I fired back, tilting my head to the side.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "That won't happen."

"And I'm not afraid a stranger will grab my ass."

Harry just rolled his eyes before getting up from his seat. "Have fun sitting here by yourself then."

I narrowed my eyes at his figure as he walked away, letting out a huff while pressing my hands to my face. Why was he so annoying? And why did he always manage to get on my nerves one way or another?

For the next five minutes, I sat there alone, wondering when Liam was going to come back from the toilets. Meanwhile, I drank the remaining contents of a beer that was left while checking my phone. That was until I could hear a cheery voice behind me.

"Why are you sitting here all alone?"

That voice did not belong to Liam. Turning around, I could feel myself blinking upon seeing Logan standing at Liam's chair with a crooked smile on his face. "Logan? What are you doing here?" I asked incredulously. I didn't even know he was in Ibiza.

He shrugged his shoulders, sitting down on Liam's chair. "I overheard Harry and Niall talking about going out with you and Liam tonight, so I thought Leah and I could meet up with you here," he smiled, turning the chair to face me. So he was working with Harry then.

"Leah?" I asked, looking at my surroundings. "Where is she?"

He pointed at the dancefloor. "I'm pretty sure she went looking for Harry. It's pretty obvious she's developed a crush on him," he chuckled, his brown eyes twinkling from the lights in the room.

I swallowed at his words. Leah was the girl Harry had been flirting with at the Italian restaurant more than a month ago. "A crush, huh?"

He nodded, not seeming to acknowledge that I was reacting in a way I probably shouldn't if I was only considered Harry's friend... if that. "Yeah. She's been talking about him non-stop the last few weeks. I reckon she's got a good chance too. You don't agree?"

My gaze wandered to the dance floor, where I caught sight of Harry and Niall almost immediately because Harry's dance moves stood out from everyone else's. Leah was there too, her dark hair bouncing as she was dancing and chatting with Harry over the loud music. "Maybe," I mumbled, averting my gaze quickly to look down at the table.

Thankfully, Liam showed up then, sitting down in Niall's seat with a curious glint in his eyes. "Hello, there. Who are you?" He asked Logan, raising his eyebrows at him.

Logan didn't hesitate to reach his hand out to Liam. "I'm Logan, a crew member of the show," he introduced himself, shaking Liam's extended hand.

It seemed to click who this man was in my best friend's head immediately, considering how he raised his eyebrows at me. I pursed my lips, nodding subtly so that Logan wouldn't notice anything. "It's nice to meet you, Logan. I'm Liam, Louis' best friend."

"It's a pleasure to meet you too," Logan replied, the smile never leaving his face. "So, how long have you been here?" He asked, his gaze turning back to me.

I looked at Liam questioningly because I couldn't remember when we had arrived. He shrugged his shoulders. "An hour, maybe?"

Logan looked down at the empty glasses, shots and pints on the table, raising his eyebrows. "You've really been going at it then," he chuckled, flickering his gaze between us with amusement in his eyes.

"Niall is a heavy drinker," I said, trying to make it seem like we all hadn't almost drunk equally.

Liam let out a loud bark of laughter, shaking his head. "Don't make it sound like you haven't had a fourth of all this."

I just rolled my eyes while Logan kept looking at me with amusement. "I don't know, but I'm not surprised," he smirked, nudging me in the side jokingly.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made our laughter die out, and we all looked up towards the source. I could feel my heart flutter in my chest at the sight of Harry standing there, his arms crossed over his chest. Niall was standing behind him while Leah was at his side, looking a little tipsy.

"Can you make room for three more people?" Harry asked, his voice laced with annoyance.

Logan raised his eyebrows at him while Liam turned to me, amusement evident in his eyes. "Sure, you can just grab two chairs from another table."

Harry stared at him for a long time before doing as told, Niall sitting down beside Liam while Harry and Leah grabbed two chairs to sit down next to Liam and Logan at the corner of the table. Niall and Logan quickly introduced themselves to each other, and so did Liam and Leah before we all fell into separate conversations.

Logan took the opportunity to chat with me while Liam and Niall started talking, and Harry and Leah. But even if what Logan was saying was quite enjoyable, I couldn't help but flick my gaze to my ex and the girl at the table, feeling sicker and sicker the longer I stared at them.

It wasn't until Harry let out a loud bark of laughter and Leah smiled toothily at him while wrapping her hand around his bicep that I couldn't take it anymore. By then, I wasn't even listening to Logan any longer, but I didn't know whether he was aware of this or not. Without hesitating, I got up from my seat, boring my eyes into Harry's before leaving the table and heading towards the bathroom.

I made my way through the club with quick strides, trying to get there as quickly as possible. The second I swung the door open, I walked over to the sinks, gripping the sides of one of them tightly. I usually wasn't one to get angry when I was jealous. I would just get slightly annoyed, but when I knew that the girl Harry was flirting with liked him and he wasn't mine anymore, I couldn't help it, especially not when alcohol was pooling in my system.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I inhaled a large breath. The sound of the door closing next to me made me turn my gaze in the direction. I first thought it was Logan who had followed me, so when I could see a man with green eyes and a floral suit standing there with his arms crossed over his chest while leaning against the wall, I let out a large breath.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, blinking at him.

His face didn't show any emotion as he looked away from me. "You told me there wasn't anything going on between you and that man," he pointed out, his gaze finding mine again.

I let out a snort. "As if that even matters when you're obviously flirting with a girl who fancies you right in front of my eyes," I snarled, narrowing my eyes at him.

He didn't move a muscle. "You don't have a right to react this way," he said, still monotonously.

I wanted to close the distance between us and knock some sense into him, but I knew that wouldn't be to any advantage. I was intoxicated, but not that intoxicated. "And you mean that you do?"

He looked down at the floor, his face impossible to read as he pressed his lips into a thin line. "You gave up on us, Louis."

His words cut right through my body and into my heart. We hadn't talked about this since it happened, and just as predicted, it felt like he was ripping my heart out all over again. The anger suddenly disappeared and was replaced by nothing but emptiness and sadness. "Yeah?" I croaked, swallowing hard. "You cheated on me, Harry."

He furrowed his eyebrows, his gaze still stuck on the floor. He then turned around to leave the room, but not before making eye contact with me one last time, and I really wished he didn't because the look on his face made my heart break in my chest.

He looked like he had just been punched in the face.

Chapter Text

Harry didn't make eye contact with me again that evening, and I didn't try to do so with him either. It felt like all my energy had been drenched from my body after our conversation, and all I wanted was to go back to the hotel. Thankfully, Liam seemed to notice this, so we got up from our seats shortly after we had returned from the bathroom, leaving the four people behind.

After recording the show the next day, Liam and I packed our bags and headed to the airport. I had barely spoken a word to him about anything other than the show since last night, and judging by the crease that was edged into the skin between his eyebrows, I had a feeling he was aware of this.

He didn't say anything about it until we had boarded the plane and were sitting in our seats, though. He turned to me with a determined look on his face, his eyes staring into mine. "I know something happened last night," he stated, not even asking because he knew.

I bit my bottom lip, turning to look out the small window. "Why would you think that?" I asked, lacing my fingers together on my lap.

He let out a sigh. "You have barely spoken a word to me since we left the club, and after you came back from wherever you went, you seemed off. We all also noticed that Harry followed you, so I have a distinct feeling he is the reason you're so quiet. Tell me if I'm wrong."

Pursing my lips, I turned to him slowly, furrowing my eyebrows. "You're not," was the only thing I said.

A gentle smile formed on his lips. It was almost sympathetic. "So, what happened?" He asked tentatively, probably not wanting to seem pushy.

I hesitated at first, contemplating whether I should tell him or not, but then I figured it wouldn't matter since he already knew everything else that had happened between me and Harry lately. The only thing he didn't know was what went down when we broke up. "We uh... we brought up what happened that evening," I explained eventually.

Liam seemed surprised by this. "Really? Did you talk about it? Like, discuss why it happened?"

I shook my head. "No, we just kind of accused each other of it," I mumbled, the memory of Harry's face before leaving the bathroom replaying in my head.

I hadn't been able to stop thinking about it since it happened because he looked so hurt. The question was why he looked hurt when he had hurt me just as much, if not even worse. He cheated on me. He had no right to look at me like that. No right at all. But the fact that he did made me sick to my stomach, and the sickness hadn't gone down since then.

"Hmm," he hummed, running a hand through his hair. "Well, at least that's one step in the right direction. I mean, you at least brought it up. That's always something," he shrugged.

"Yeah," I mumbled, looking down at my lap.

"So, that's why you have barely spoken since then? Because you and Harry brought up the reason you broke up?" He asked, probably wanting it to be confirmed.

Harry's pained expression showed up in my head once again, and I almost winced. "I just... He made it seem like I'm the only one to blame, as if what he did to me is nothing compared to what I did to him. It just made me feel sick."

He let out a sigh, reaching out to pat me on the thigh reassuringly. "This is what I meant when I said you should talk about it. You have no idea what's going on inside his head, and he has no idea what's going on inside of yours. If you just talked it out, you'd get an explanation as to why he reacted the way he did."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "It's not that easy, though. We barely talk, Liam. We just get on each other's nerves, which is the only reason we utter a word to each other," I explained. "Besides, didn't I already tell you that I don't want to be reminded of it more than I already am?"

He tilted his head to the side, biting his lip. "You did, yes, but if you just tried, I'm sure you would feel as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. It won't bug you anymore, and there will be no more unanswered questions as to why it happened," he said. "And you do realize that you're going to be spending the next half of the year together, right? I'm pretty sure it's going to be hard to avoid him for that long without being reminded of it in some way."

Looking down at my hands, I shrugged my shoulders. "It's the easiest way out."

Liam shook his head. "No, it's not, Lou. The easiest way out would be to discuss what happened between you. You would both feel better if you did. Besides, you still love him. I know you don't want to be on bad terms with him. It doesn't matter how many times you try to convince me otherwise. I know you, Lou," he said, patting my knee gently.

I stared at him for a long time. He was right. I didn't want to be on bad terms with Harry. I wanted to be just like we had been before everything was ruined, before our relationship went down the drain, but could that still happen? We had been through a lot since then. And even if I were to forgive him for what he did to me and he for what I did to him, would we ever be able to be like we once were?

Without answering him, I turned back to look out the window, zoning out from the world.

-----

The next few days were pretty calm and quiet. I tried to write another song, but it didn't go very well because every time I thought about it, Harry's pained expression appeared in my head, and it made me put my guitar away every time. After the third try, I figured it wasn't going to happen.

Four days after we arrived back home from Ibiza, I received a text from Simon, saying that I should go out to grab a coffee with Eleanor. It had been a while since he made me do a stunt, so it confused me a bit. He usually only made me go out with her when something had happened. Therefore, I decided to ask him if something was going on, and then I received an angry message saying, 'Check your Twitter, smartass'.

With my eyebrows pulled together, I went on Twitter to do as told, but mostly because I was curious. As far as I knew, I hadn't been seen with someone I shouldn't.

But I did.

My feed was full of tweets and pictures of me, Liam, Niall and Harry at the beach in Ibiza. It had almost been a week now, but the photos hadn't been published until this morning.

As if this wasn't already bad enough, Harry and I were lying on two sunbeds next to each other, and I was wearing his sunglasses. It was apparent they were his too, because there were pictures of him wearing them as well. Fuck.

I didn't even know there had been paparazzi on the beach, and it was strange how they had managed to take these pictures without any of us noticing it. But maybe we had been too caught up in whatever we were doing, or these paparazzi had just been very good at hiding. The question was how they even knew we were there in the first place. Unless they knew of our X Factor schedule and that Harry and I were both going to Ibiza.

It seemed like everyone was freaking out over it, both because all four of us had been seen together and that Harry and I had used the same sunglasses after not even being in the same picture in over two years. It even seemed like us being in the same photo and lying next to each other on the sunbeds was enough for them to freak out. The sunglasses were just the icing on the cake.

Now I understood why Simon had texted me. Yet, I was surprised that he hadn't called me and yelled at me because this was probably the worst thing that had happened since I signed my second contract with Syco three years ago.

Louis: I'll grab a coffee with her.

A few minutes later, I got up from my chair at the kitchen table to put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher. I then got ready for the day, gave Cliff some food and water before sending Eleanor a text message, telling her I would be at her place in a few minutes since she had most likely already been informed of the news that we were going out.

She didn't seem to mind as she only replied with a simple 'okay'. She was probably used to it by now, and even if I didn't like to think about it, she was getting paid to do this. No matter what, though, I couldn't see her as a bad person. If it weren't her, it would be another girl.

Half an hour later, I was standing outside her place. I figured we could walk to the cafe and bring our dogs with us since Cliff needed his daily walk, and I was sure Bruce did too. Besides, it was in the middle of the summer, so sitting outside would not be a problem as long as it was a pretty secluded place.

The walk to the coffee shop didn't last very long, so we were soon sitting at a table outside in the sun, sipping on our teas and coffees while our dogs were lying beneath us on the ground.

Despite the circumstances, it was pretty relaxing. It had been a while since Eleanor and I talked to each other like this, although I could have done without the paparazzi trying to sneak a few pictures of us from around the corner of the shop.

"So, how's the show going for you? It feels like we haven't properly talked about it since you first went away," Eleanor asked, taking another sip of her coffee. She was wearing black sunglasses, a black leather jacket and a pair of black, shiny jeans while smoking a cigarette.

"It's been a lot of fun so far. I'm looking forward to when the live shows start in September. I feel like that's when we're really going to start doing what we're there for, you know? With the coaching and stuff," I replied, placing my chin in my palm to support my head.

Her lips formed a smile as she nodded. "I can understand that," she replied. "So, you're finished with the auditions and the other stages before the live shows then?"

"Yeah, we recorded the Judges' Houses in Ibiza," I explained, looking away as memories of what happened there returned to my mind. It seemed like it didn't matter what I did or who I was with. I was reminded of the trip and a certain someone anyway.

Her mouth formed the shape of an 'o'. "Right. So, how's it to work with Harry again? Since, you know, you aren't on the best of terms these days," she asked gently, her face showing sympathy.

I let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair. "I don't know if I'm honest. It's like a part of me is happy that he's there while another part of me wants him to drop out. We've just been through a lot of stuff that I'm not ready to tackle yet, and I have a feeling he isn't either."

She nodded in understanding. "It's been almost three years, right? Since you broke up?"

"Yeah..." I trailed off, averting my gaze. "Liam says it would be best if we talked about what happened since it's apparently weighing us both down, but I'm not sure if I'm ready yet. I just... I'm afraid I'll fall back to how I felt after our breakup, that the wounds will reopen," I explained.

Eleanor hummed while sucking on her cigarette. "I understand you're afraid of that, but talking about it might also make things better," she reasoned. "But if you don't feel ready yet, you shouldn't do it. It's your decision to make, not anyone else's."

My lips twitched as I nodded. "Yeah, you're right," I said, thinking back to the incident where she had called me during the audition tour. "Harry still doesn't like you, you know?" I said, remembering the look he had sent me when he had heard us talking and also the way he had confronted me afterward.

She raised her eyebrows as a chuckle escaped her lips. "Are you really surprised about that, Lou? He never liked me, and he had a good reason not to. If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't like me either. Besides, you both succeeded in persuading Simon that you wouldn't have to continue dating me publically anymore, so it doesn't surprise me if he's mad we're back together," she said, adding quotation marks on the word 'back'.

I let out a sigh, knowing she was right. I had been pissed at him when he confronted me about it, but that was because he had told me many stupid things and not because he didn't have a right to be mad. I knew he did. The thing was, it wasn't my fault things were like this. I didn't have a say in what people I dated in public. "You're right."

"So," she said, pursing her lips. "How do you think he'll react to us being out today?"

Furrowing my eyebrows, I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know, but we're not together anymore, so there's no reason for him to react at all, is there? I mean, it's not really his business."

"No, I guess not," she mumbled, studying my face for a long time before dropping the subject.

-----

When I arrived back home, the first thing I did was flop down on my couch in the living room. Eleanor and I had been out for a couple of hours, so it would be a lie to say I wasn't exhausted. It wasn't every day I had to walk around just to have the paparazzi take pictures of me. Usually, they would just manage to sneak a few photos here and there if they were lucky, so this was something completely different.

I reached for the remote to turn on my flatscreen as Clifford jumped up on the couch to lie down at my feet. The first thing that came on was a show I hadn't watched in years, and there was a good reason why.

Gogglebox.

Harry and I would always watch it together back in the days, laugh at the people's reactions and end up staying in bed all day. I remembered it so clearly, the way he would wake me up in the mornings saying, 'Lou, Lou, let's watch an episode of Gogglebox' excitedly.

Just thinking about it made my heart ache. I missed those days. Everything had just been so easy. There was not a care in the world. It was just the two of us spending time together when we were home from touring. There was no one else around, no one that could ruin our little bubble, just Louis and Harry.

I swallowed at the memories and didn't hesitate to switch channels. I couldn't watch it even if I wanted to. It would only make me cry, and that was the last thing I needed. I had already cried enough over that man the last few years.

In an attempt to distract myself from my thoughts, I pulled my phone out of my jeans pocket to check my notifications. I had a missed call from Lottie and Liam, but neither of those really caught my attention because I had also received a text from Harry.

I could feel how my heart stopped beating in my chest the second I read his name on the screen, and my first thought was, why was he texting me? Apart from a few weeks ago, when I brought up that woman, he hadn't sent me a text out of nowhere, not since our breakup.

After hesitating for at least three minutes, I went to my messages to open it, my mouth going dry the second I had finished reading.

Harry: I see that the pictures of us put you off so much that you went out with Eleanor.

I could practically see the look on his face he had while typing this. Bitter, but also hurt. He had always been attractive when he was upset, the way he would furrow his eyebrows and pout his lips. But he shouldn't be upset about these pictures. He knew just as well as I that I didn't have any choice but to go out with her.

After the shock had subsided, I typed out a reply to him.

Louis: Funny how you still after all these years don't seem to realize that it's never my idea to go out with her.

I hit send before going onto Twitter to see what was going on after the pictures of me and Eleanor had apparently been published. The people who believed Harry and I had once been or still were in a relationship seemed to see right through the cover-up while other people gushed over the new pictures of me and Eleanor, saying that the other ones should shut up about me and Harry.

I had never been a fan of the result of publicly dating Eleanor. It only created chaos in the fandom, where they were either on one side or the other. I would rather have it that everyone got along like a family, but since Simon was so determined to push my narrative of being straight, I couldn't see it happening anytime soon.

My phone suddenly vibrated in my hands, snapping me out of my thoughts. Without hesitating this time, I opened the new text Harry had sent me.

Harry: I can't believe you signed another contract with that man. You must worship the ground he walks.

His words hit me right in the heart. I could still remember how mad he had been at me when he found out I had signed that contract. He had yelled right in my face how stupid I was, and sure, I couldn't blame him for saying that, but he didn't know what happened the day I signed it.

Louis: And you're saying your management treats you better?

If what I had come to learn was true, they didn't exactly treat him well. He had even told me himself that he had to publically date that woman for a year. Besides, both Anne and Simon had said to me that they wanted him to act a certain way, so I didn't see a big difference between our management. The entire music industry was fucked up, so it didn't really matter what label you were under.

When he didn't reply right away, I decided to get up to make some food. It was already five in the afternoon, and I had done so much walking today that my stomach was growling for food now.

Once I entered the kitchen, I grabbed a pan to place it on the stove and pulled out two eggs and some butter from the fridge. I then grabbed two slices of bread and put them in the toaster before cracking the eggs in the pan. Fried egg on toast was just delicious.

The second I sat down at the kitchen table with my toasts and a glass of orange juice, I fished my phone from my pocket to see if Harry had replied yet.

Harry: You know nothing about how my management treats me.

I almost laughed at the text because he apparently didn't know I did.

Louis: Except I'm pretty sure I do. You should be happy it's not worse than it is.

He ended up not replying to that, and I didn't exactly expect him to since I probably surprised him with what I said. He didn't know that I knew, that I was aware of how they had wanted him to become someone he wasn't. On the other hand, they were probably more open to other things than Simon since I was sure he would have never allowed Harry to paint his nails. But did that matter when his new management was trying to change him? He was a human being, not a piece of their game.

When I went to bed that night, many different thoughts circled my head, but they mainly consisted of Harry, which they always seemed to do these days. I also thought of where we stood. We had gone from not talking to each other to arguing, to him being quiet, and now back to disagreeing with each other again, and this was only in the span of two months.

I couldn't help but wonder what the next stage in our relationship would be or if there was even going to be a next one.

Chapter Text

July passed more quickly than I expected, so it wasn't long until we had to go back to Wembley Arena to start coaching our acts. It was the 12th of August, and Harry and I hadn't talked since I was out with Eleanor. In all honesty, I didn't know how to feel about it because one part of me was relieved while another missed him.

The part of me that was relieved was aware that things would be even more tense between us the next time we would meet since we had brought up our breakup the last time we were in the same room. The part of me that missed him, on the other hand, didn't want anything but to see his face and be around him again. It was challenging to have two parts of me that desired something so different. I just didn't know how to feel.

Without caring too much about what clothes to wear for the day since we weren't going to record anything for the show, I pulled a grey hoodie over my head along with a pair of black track pants up my legs. I then snatched my black Adidas cap from my shelf and put it on before leaving the room to go down to the kitchen.

Clifford followed me close behind curiously, wagging his tail from side to side as I opened the fridge. I looked down at him with a cocked eyebrow. "Are you hungry, boy?" I asked, to which he started wagging his tail even more intensely.

"I'll take that as a yes," I smiled.

So instead of preparing my own breakfast, I grabbed Clifford's food bowl from the floor and poured some dry food into it before refilling his water bowl. "There you go," I said, petting his head. He eagerly dug into his food while I watched him in amusement.

After getting some breakfast into my system, I took Cliff out for a walk before grabbing my wallet from the shelf in the hallway and leaving the house. I then drove my Audi to the arena, and about twenty minutes later, I parked my car in an empty space outside the building.

It turned out more fans were waiting outside the arena today than any other day, and I assumed that was because they were starting to realize that we would start spending a lot of time here from now on until December.

I greeted them on my way inside, taking a few pictures with some of them and flashing them the bird because I knew it strangely made them happy. It was a bit weird if you thought about it, but since I knew they didn't take anything personally, I didn't see a reason not to.

It wasn't until I reached the lounge room door behind the stage that I started getting nervous. It felt like no matter the situation, these nerves wouldn't leave me alone when I knew that I would be face to face with Harry at any second, and I didn't know if I liked it or not.

Feeling my hands getting clammy, I rubbed them on my track pants before turning the handle, swinging the door open. I was met with a room full of people, and I first didn't recognize anyone since there were so many of them. Eventually, though, I could make out Perrie sitting on the couch with Patrick and a few other people of the crew, and Logan standing on the other side of the room, talking to Leah and another woman. There was no sign of Harry or Nick, though.

"Louis! Come sit down," Patrick called out, and when I turned to him again, I noticed that he had a wide, welcoming smile on his face.

Not seeing any reason not to, I stalked over to the couch, Perrie scooting over to make room for me. The second I sat down, she placed an arm on my shoulder, leaning her body against me. "I've missed you, Louis."

I turned to meet her gaze, seeing the pout on her lips. With a smile on my lips, I reached up to tug at her blonde hair playfully. "I've missed you too, Pez. Did the Judges' houses go well?" I asked.

She pushed my hand away, faking annoyance, but it was instantly replaced by a grin as soon as I finished talking. "Yes! It was really nice. I went to Miami, and I just laid on the beach all day when I didn't have to work," she replied. "What about you? I heard both you and Harry went to Ibiza with Liam and Niall. How was that?"

Pursing my lips, I shrugged my shoulders. "It was quite alright. I spent most of my time working on a tan too, but Liam dragged me to the beach one day to meet up with the other guys," I explained, taking off my cap to run a hand through my feathery hair.

Perrie had an amused smile on her face. "Yeah, I saw that. You and Harry seemed very close, what with lying next to each other on those sunbeds and you wearing his sunglasses. A real power couple," she joked.

I sent her a playful glare. "Funny, aren't you, Perrie? No, but really, those pictures looked worse than what it was. I just stole his sunglasses because you know that I don't like him wearing them, and I'm pretty sure it pissed him off. Then he pointed me out for staring at him, but that's another story," I said, biting my bottom lip.

She looked at me with raised eyebrows. "Wait, what? He pointed you out for staring at him? Did you stare at him?"

I could feel my cheeks heat as I blinked at her. "No! Of course not. I just..." I trailed off, not finding any words to say.

It made the amused smile return to her face. "You so did, didn't you? Well, I can't really blame you. He's hella fit. I'm sure everyone was staring at him if he was only wearing a pair of super-short swimming trunks," she winked.

I didn't hesitate to wack her on the arm, to which she chuckled while I just continued to glare at her. "Don't say that. You're objectifying his body," I muttered.

She raised her hands in surrender, the smile never leaving her face. "You know I'm just kidding, Louis. I forgot I was talking to his protective ex, though. I should have known you would react this way."

I let out a snort, sending her another dark look. Right then, the door of the room swung open again, and both Harry and Nick came into view. Harry was wearing a grey hoodie with the word 'Damn.' on it, along with a pair of black joggers. He wasn't wearing his sunglasses over his eyes today, but they were still pushed up into his dark curls, ready to be used at any time.

I had only seen him in loose clothing a handful of times over the past few months, but it always made me feel warm inside because whenever we had a day off back in the days, we would wear these types of clothes as we cuddled on the couch and watched a movie.

Swallowing, I averted my gaze, trying to get my heart back to beat at an average pace. Meanwhile, the two walked over to sit down on the couch opposite us, Nick not hesitating to wrap an arm around Harry's shoulders once they were seated. Harry seemed a bit off, though, the way he was staring at the coffee table in front of him instead of trying to engage in any conversations.

As if he could feel me staring at him, he looked up to meet my gaze, but it only lasted for a second until he looked away again. It still made my heart flutter in my chest, which was almost pathetic. But I was in love with him, so I couldn't really blame myself.

I realized I was still staring at his figure, so I quickly looked away and turned to Patrick, who was about to stand up from the couch. "Alright, guys. We have all gathered once again, after almost two months. It's so nice to see all of your faces, and I hope you've had a great time off. I won't talk for too long since the contestants are waiting for you on stage. So all I'm going to say is that there's a pile of papers on the table over there..." He pointed at a table on the opposite side of the room. "Each with a list of what songs you get to choose for your contestants to sing on the first live show. Good luck to all of you."

Almost instantly, people started moving and getting up from their seats. Perrie was one of them, and so were Harry and Nick. They walked over to the table to grab a piece of paper while I still felt a bit off about everything, so it took a few seconds until I got up to walk over to them.

Harry was standing right in front of the pile, so I tried to move around him, but the second I took a step forward, he took one back and stumbled right into me. "Sorry," he apologized as he tried to catch his balance. On pure instinct, I reached out to wrap my hand around his wrist to steady him, but it turned out that was a bad idea.

The second our skin touched - for the first time in almost three years - he tensed under my hold. Meanwhile, I could feel shivers run through my body and up my spine, sending me completely off guard. He turned around quickly, his gaze catching mine before he pulled his wrist out of my hold as if he had been burnt.

Ouch.

I knew it shouldn't hurt as much as it did, but I couldn't help it. It was as if touching me was nauseating for him, as if I was so repulsive that he didn't want me anywhere near him.

With a lump in my throat, I reached out to take a piece of paper, suddenly not feeling interested in finding out what songs there were to choose from anymore. If anything, I just wanted to get out of here, as far away from the curly-haired man as possible. The downside was that I knew I would have to spend the rest of the day around him.

Letting out a deep sigh, I left the lounge room with Perrie, who had taken notice of my silence. She didn't question me about it, though, which I appreciated. I didn't want to explain to her that Harry was the reason my mood had changed so quickly. She had already teased me enough about him today.

It turned out all the contestants were waiting for us on the stage. Some of them played around while others talked to each other. I instantly caught sight of my three acts, so I separated from Perrie to gather them; The twin girls, the group of two girls and two boys, and finally the last group I had picked, a group consisting of five girls. I just had a feeling that this would turn out well.

"So, have you all thought of a group name over these past few weeks?" I asked, flicking my gaze between all of them, even if the group consisting of the two girls and two boys already had a name; Black Birds.

One of the girls in the girl group of five raised her hand. "We've been thinking about the name 'The Hotshots'. It just sounds a lot like us," she explained, and the other girls in the group nodded in agreement.

One of the twin girls then raised her hand. "Elena and I have come up with the name 'The Johnson Twins'," I assumed, Bella announced.

A smile formed on my face as I nodded. "That's awesome, guys. I'm impressed," I told them. "So, we've received a list of what songs you're allowed to choose from for your first live performance. To make this as great as possible, I'd like each of you to choose three songs you would like to perform while I'll pick three songs I think would fit each of you the best. Then we will choose one of them together, alright?"

They all agreed and pulled out their phones to take a picture of the list. After that, they walked away to talk to each other in their separate groups. Meanwhile, I stepped off the stage to sit down in one of the seats in the audience, slouching over as I read the list of the songs.

It didn't take long until I was finished, so I lifted my gaze to look at the stage where a few people were still hanging around. Harry and his acts were some of them, and I couldn't help but observe how he made gestures with his arms while talking to them and how they in return couldn't seem to tear their eyes away from him. It was fascinating how he managed to do that, and I couldn't help but let a smile form on my lips.

"Hey, who are you staring at?"

I was pulled out of my thoughts as Logan sat down in the seat next to mine, trying to find out what my gaze had been fixated on. Letting out a dry chuckle, I shook my head. "No one. I'm just thinking," I lied, looking back down at the list of the songs.

He let out a hum, not seeming convinced but decided to drop it. "It's been a long time since we last met. How have you been?" He asked, crossing one leg over the other.

I shrugged, my gaze flicking to the stage again. Harry was still talking to his acts, his eyes filled with joy and excitement. "I've been alright, I guess. Nothing's really happened. How about you?"

It took a while until he replied, and I wondered if it was because I didn't sound exactly enthusiastic when I was talking about how I had been. If anything, I was sure I sounded pretty grumpy. "Uh, yeah. I've been alright. I missed doing the show, though, so it's nice to be back here."

I nodded, agreeing with him. "Yeah, I've missed it too."

Right then, Harry turned around to face the seats in the audience. His gaze instantly landed on us, and I could feel my heart stop beating in my chest as the smile dropped from his face, his features turning emotionless. It made a large knot form in my stomach, and I suddenly felt just as sick as I did after our conversation in the bathroom in Ibiza.

"I'm sorry," I excused myself to Logan. "I have to go talk to my acts."

He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could do so, I got up from my seat and walked away in a hurry, wanting to get out of the arena quickly. It wasn't until I was behind the stage that I started feeling bad for leaving Logan like that, but I didn't know what else to do because I couldn't stay there while having Harry look at me that way.

I went back to the lounge room to have some time on my own, lying down on the couch with a pen in my hand while going over the songs on the list again. After about half an hour, I had all groups next to three pieces. It probably wouldn't have taken so long if it weren't for the fact that my mind slipped to a particular person now and then, distracting me from focusing on what I was supposed to do.

Once I had gotten up from the couch, I left the lounge room to reluctantly go back to the stage, feeling the knot return to my stomach at the thought of having to see Harry again. I just couldn't handle him looking at me like that, as if his mood change was entirely my fault. Not when I knew that it most likely was.

Fortunately, it turned out he wasn't there, but all of my acts were, so I gathered them to have a little chat with them. "Have you found any songs you'd like to sing?" I asked, flicking my gaze between them.

All three groups handed me a piece of paper with three songs written down from the list, and a smile formed on my lips as I realized a lot of the songs were the same ones I had picked out for them. "This is awesome. Our minds seem to think alike," I told them, and it didn't take more than a minute for me to pick out one song for all of the groups.

Not long after that, they left again to start working on their tunes. I figured that it was easier for them to work on it themselves at first, and then I could give them advice after they had sung them for me.

After that, I decided to look for Perrie. It had been a while since I last saw her, and I was curious to know how things were going for her and the girls. Walking through the corridors, I looked from side to side in hopes of finding her, but I wasn't fortunate. I gave up after a few minutes and sat down on a bench in one of the corridors, letting out a deep sigh.

I contemplated pulling out my phone to call her when I could hear a faint sound of someone talking from afar. Pulling my eyebrows together in concentration, I tried to make out where it was coming from and who they were.

"I was thinking we could hang out on Saturday?"

A silence fell after that, and it lasted so long that I started wondering whether the other person was going to reply or not. "I already have plans on Saturday, I'm sorry. Maybe another day?"

My breath hitched at the sound of that raspy voice. I would probably recognize it everywhere, even as faint as it was now. But who was he talking to?

"Oh, alright." It was a female, at least. "Have fun then, I guess."

The sound of footsteps getting closer made me stiffen in my seat. I knew the best idea would be to run and hide somewhere, but I didn't know where because there were no rooms in sight, only these grey walls and a bunch of seats along the corridor. Fuck, I was screwed.

No longer than two seconds later, a brown-haired girl appeared from behind the corner of the corridor, looking a little sad as she stared at the floor. My chest tightened at the sight of her, instantly recognizing her as Leah. Of course it was her. Who else would it be?

The second she noticed me, she looked up in shock, her mouth forming the shape of an 'o'. "Oh, Louis. I didn't know you were here."

A feigned smile formed on my lips as I turned to meet her gaze. "I was just looking for Perrie, but it seems like she's nowhere around here."

She nodded slowly, her eyes flicking backward in the direction she came from. "I hope you find her then. Um, see you," she said abruptly, not hesitating to walk past me with quick strides, her heels clicking against the floor.

I swallowed as I followed her figure with my gaze. It wasn't until then it registered in my head that Harry had just turned her down. Even if he said he had other plans, he could have just told her another day they could go out if he really wanted to. That meant Logan was wrong; it seemed like Leah didn't have as good a chance with him as he thought, at least not right now. It probably shouldn't, but this fact made a smile form on my lips.

Harry didn't want to go out with her.

With the smile remaining on my face, I got up from the bench to walk back to the stage, this time feeling better than I did an hour ago. It took me a while to get there because I lost track of where I was going at one point along the way, and this place was like a labyrinth, so it was with a lot of difficulties I found my way back to the stage after about twenty minutes.

To my surprise, everyone was already there, and by everyone, I meant all the judges, even Perrie. "There you bloody are!" I called out as I walked over to her. "I've looked everywhere for you. What the fuck?"

She rolled her eyes. "Did you look in the dressing room? I've been there for the last hour," she asked, raising her eyebrows at me in amusement.

I pursed my lips. "No."

"That's why you didn't find me," she smirked.

Letting out a huff, I crossed my arms over my chest. "I was positive you were trying to hide from me, but I guess not. So how's it going for you?"

She shrugged, her gaze turning to Harry and Nick, who were talking on the stage, their hands on their hips. "It's going well, I guess. The girls are off rehearsing on their own. How's it going for you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, the groups are doing the same thing."

Before we could say anything else, Nick called us over to him and Harry, much to both of my and Perrie's surprise. "What could he possibly want?" I muttered, making Perrie chuckle.

"I don't know, but let's find out."

The second we were standing in front of the two men, I focused on Nick because even if the knot in my stomach was gone, I still felt a bit uneasy by the way Harry had been looking at me earlier. It was just safest to keep my eyes away from him.

"What's on your mind, Grimshaw?" Perrie asked, raising her eyebrows at him questioningly.

Nick's lips turned into a smile. "I'm actually not the person who has something to say. Harry is," he confessed, nudging said man in the side.

Harry let out a huff as he placed his hand on the place where he was hit. "I was just wondering if you'd like to come over for dinner on Saturday? I thought it would be a good idea now that the first live show's coming up. It's been a while since we all spent time together too."

I wanted to say something because, did he just come up with these plans now, after he had turned down Leah, or had he been planning this all along? But I was left speechless as I stared at him with shock written all over my features.

Perrie seemed a bit surprised as well, probably not expecting Harry to come up with an idea like this. "I... Sure, why not? It sounds fun. Just tell me where you live, and I'll be there," she smiled.

Harry swallowed, his gaze turning to me. "Louis knows where I live. He can tell you," he muttered quietly before turning around to walk away, leaving me even more speechless than I already was.

No fucking way. There was no way he still lived there, in the house that we had shared, where our breakup took place. It just didn't make any sense. Why would he still want to live there after all these years?

Suddenly, nausea took over my body, and I took a step back from the two remaining people, a smile probably looking more like a grimace forming on my face.

"I'm sorry, I have to get some fresh air."

Chapter Text

All my bags were packed and waiting for me in the hallway. The only thing keeping me from leaving was that Harry wasn't home yet. He had been out yet another night, and I hadn't seen a trace of him since this morning, which wasn't very unusual these days.

I was sitting at the kitchen table, my feathery hair messy from running my hands through it too many times. Even if I had thought about this for a while now, I still wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing. I had tried to tell myself that it was for the best, that I would be even more heartbroken if I waited even longer, yet I couldn't help but want to take my bags up to our room and throw myself into Harry's arms when he got back home again.

Staring at the surface of the table, I could feel tears brimming my eyes. Fuck, I couldn't cry. It would ruin everything. I had to be strong. I had to keep my head up and do this. Then I could cry as much as I wanted.

A few minutes later, the sound of the door swinging open was heard in the hallway, and it didn't take long until Harry entered the kitchen, his long, brown curls looking a little disheveled from his night out. He also seemed rather out of it, if the red in his eyes was anything to go by.

"What are your bags doing in the hallway?" He asked, his voice sounding alarmed.

I swallowed hard, watching his features. I couldn't answer him right away,   but I could   see in his eyes that he was slowly realizing what was going on every second that went by. He started shaking his head, his eyes narrowing at me.

"Harry," I sighed, getting up from my seat to be at the same height as him. "You know as well as I that things haven't been good between us lately. We never spend time together, we barely talk to each other. Hell, we barely even see each other anymore."

He pinched the skin between his eyebrows while closing his eyes, his jaw starting to clench. "But that's because of you. You always refuse to tell me what the fuck is wrong."

I inhaled a large breath. "It's not just that, though. There are other things too," I disagreed.

"So, what?" He asked, opening his eyes to stare at me. "You're breaking up with me?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, biting my bottom lip. "You know that this was never going to work, Harry. Ever since the start, when we were told we couldn't come out, we were bound to go our separate ways. We both knew it deep down. I know that you don't want to live like this, and I don't want to keep living like this either. It was stupid of us to think that we were going to last. I mean, it's been five years, and things haven't changed. What makes us think things will have changed in five more years? It's time that we realize you and I aren't meant to be."

I was pretty sure that was the most difficult thing I'd ever had to say in my entire life. I was surprised that the words even left my mouth without a stutter because my heart was breaking inside, telling me not to do this to myself or him.

The look Harry sent me was impossible to read. So many emotions flashed by his features that I didn't have time to register any of them. Then he turned his head away from me. "You're giving up on us," he stated, his voice emotionless.

I opened my mouth to explain, but I didn't trust my voice anymore, so I just let out a sigh. This made him clench his hands into fists, and the next thing I knew, he let out a loud scoff. "You know, it's not like I really care," he chuckled, making me furrow my eyebrows as my heart clenched uncomfortably in my chest.

He didn't care?

"What?" I asked in confusion.

A smile was now playing on his lips, and he let out a breathy laugh. "I don't know if you've seen it, but I've been out with a girl lately."

My heart was now beating frantically in my chest because, yes, I had seen the girl in too many pictures with him than I would have preferred. "What... What does that have to do with anything?" I asked, feeling so weak that I would probably fall to the floor if he so much as tried to touch me.

The smile remained on his face as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "I slept with her a few weeks ago," he confessed. "Thought you should know before you run off."

It felt like he had just slapped me across the face. No, it was worse than that. No physical pain could even compare to how much it hurt hearing him say those words. Out of everything he could ever do, I never thought he would cheat on me. I thought we loved each other too much for that.

Feeling new tears well up in my eyes, I bit my lip harshly as I walked past him, almost running to the hallway in a hurry to get out of here. I slipped my Vans on with shaky hands as the tears started running down my cheeks, new ones forming at the same time, blurring my vision so that I could barely see where my bags were.

I frantically wiped them away so that he wouldn't see how hurt and affected I was by his words when I turned around. He was standing there with his hands in his pockets, looking at my feet. "Fuck, I can't believe how you could do that. Out of all things, how could you cheat?" I asked, my hands on the handles of my suitcases.

He looked up to meet my gaze, his jaw still clenched. "Are you really saying that after what you just told me? The fact that I cheated shouldn't even affect you," he said coldly, making me tighten my hold on the handles.

"Well, if you even thought of sleeping with someone else while still being in a relationship with me, then what I said shouldn't affect you either," I retorted, trying to seem strong although I wasn't.

"Didn't I just say that I don't care you're giving up on us?"

Another slap. Slap after slap after slap. Couldn't he just hit me? It would be less painful. If I were honest, I wanted him to hit me, knock some sense into my brain because how could I have ever thought we were going to last?

I turned around to leave then, but before I could do so, I could hear his emotionless voice say one last thing to me.

"Have the time of your life, Louis Tomlinson."

-----

"Liam, did you just hear what I said? He still lives in our house!"

A large inhale was heard on the other end. "Yes, I heard you, Louis. He still lives in the house you shared. So, what? You moved out. It was up to him if he wanted to keep living there or not," Liam replied in a calm voice.

I let out a groan, running my hand through my fringe. "I can't fucking go there. It's going to make me feel like shit. I wouldn't be able to hold it back. I would cry my fucking eyes out," I rambled, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Calm down, Louis," he sighed. "Don't get worked up over this. You don't have to stay there the entire night. It's just dinner."

I sat down on the edge of my bed, burying my face in my hand. "But why? Why is he doing this? Why would he want me there?"

"I don't know, Lou, but maybe it doesn't have to do with you. Maybe he just wants you all to spend some time together. Or, who knows? Maybe he's missed being around you just as much as you've missed being around him?" He tried to reason, making me furrow my eyebrows.

Or maybe he just came up with a quick idea after turning Leah down, but he must have been desperate if the thought of inviting me even crossed his mind.

"So he decides to invite me over to our house? Does he want me to break down in front of his fucking eyes, or what?" I huffed.

Liam hummed on the other end. "I'm sure that's not it. I mean, you were the one who moved out from him. Maybe he doesn't think the house means as much to you as it does?"

Sure, I was the one who left him, and I was the one who gave up on us, but he cheated on me. Did he want me to come over just to mock me? Throw it into my face that he could still live there without being reminded of our past?

"That's just stupid," I muttered.

He let out another sigh. "Look, I don't know why he's doing this, but whether there is a reason behind it or not, I think you should go for the sake of the show. Yes, it's going to be tough for you to be there, but just try not to think about it, alright?"

"Just try not to think about it?" I scoffed. "That is easy for you to say, Liam. I bet you would love to go over to Cheryl's place where you used to live and have a nice dinner with her and a few other people."

"Actually, Cheryl and I are on pretty good terms. We do co-parent our child after all, and our breakup was mutual, so I wouldn't have too much of a problem with that."

I let out a loud groan. "Try putting yourself in my situation then. It's not easy for me to eat dinner at that house because Harry and I used to live there, and we aren't on good terms. Also, I'm still fucking in love with him! Are you still in love with Cheryl? No, and you're even dating another girl right now!"

After that, he stayed quiet for a long time, and I hoped he finally understood just how hard this was for me. I couldn't even picture myself going there on Saturday. Just thinking about facing that house again made me want to wrap my arms around my body and cry.

"Okay," he said after a while, sounding more sympathetic. "I worded that wrong. I know you won't be able to not think about it when you're there. It's obviously going to be a tough situation for you. I just... I just don't think you should drop out. It could actually help you, even if you don't think so."

I knitted my eyebrows. "Help me with what exactly?" I asked.

"Get over what happened between you. I've tried to tell you this before, but you wouldn't realize that it's still bugging you. We both know that your and Harry's breakup is still a sensitive subject for you both, so I think that it might help break the barrier between you a bit if you go there. I know you've told me you don't feel ready to talk to him yet, but you might not even have to. Just spending time together at a place where you share memories might be enough to ease things."

His words made me think about that time when we had both been in the bathroom at Wembley Arena a few months ago. That was a place where we had shared memories, and the atmosphere between us that time had been different than it was otherwise. I was pretty sure he had almost smiled at me, like a real, genuine smile, and that hadn't happened any other time.

Swallowing, I pulled at my fringe. "So, let's say I go there on Saturday. What do I do if I can't handle it?" I wondered, feeling panic well up inside me just thinking about it. It would be embarrassing if I just started bawling my eyes out in front of them. Nick would most definitely remind me of it for at least a couple of weeks.

"I know you, Louis," he started, sounding serious. "After everything you have been through over the last few years with public relationships, your mum passing away, and handling your and Harry's breakup the way you did when we both know how bad you felt about it, I know that you can do this. You're a real fighter, so don't put yourself down by saying you can't do it because we both know you can," he finished, making a faint smile form on my face.

"I'm glad you think that highly of me, but I just... I'm not sure about this. If I go, will you promise me that you'll pick up if I call you?"

I could hear the smile in his voice as he replied, "Of course, Lou. I'll always be here for you. If things get too tough, excuse yourself to the bathroom and dial my number, yeah?"

I nodded even if he couldn't see me. "Yeah, alright. Thank you for... listening again, I guess. I'm glad I can talk to you about this," I mumbled, fiddling with the end of my t-shirt.

"Of course, Louis. I'm all ears, always."

A smile broke out on my face, and I realized that even if Liam had tried to push me to talk to Harry, I did have the best friend you could ask for.

-----

Saturday arrived before I knew it. I had texted Perrie the address yesterday since Harry apparently couldn't do it himself, and she replied, saying she was happy I would be there. She knew this would be difficult for me, and I was glad she would be there by my side the whole evening.

As I got dressed in a beige, white, red and black checkered short-sleeved Burberry shirt and a pair of light blue jeans, I tried to motivate myself to go because, in all honesty, I just wanted to stay at home and watch a great movie. But I was doing this for the sake of the show, and if Liam were right about the fact that it could make things better between me and Harry, I wouldn't mind that either.

So with a lot of willpower, I trudged down the stairs and entered the hallway where Clifford was lying on the doormat. He looked up at me as I passed by and let out a bark. Tilting my head to the side, I couldn't help but smile at him. "You want to go out? I'm just going to put my shoes on, alright?"

He let out another bark in reply, making me chuckle. After slipping my Adidas sneakers on, I put the leash on him before opening the door and exiting the house. It was pretty warm outside, being the middle of August, so a jacket wasn't necessary to wear. At least not during the day, but the nights could get pretty cold, so I would have to bring something with me for the ride home tonight.

As soon as Clifford had finished doing his necessities, I brought him back inside. I then ran up to my room to fetch a red sweatshirt before exiting the house again, locking the door behind me. It wasn't until I was sitting in my black Audi, the radio playing at a low volume, that I could feel myself getting nervous. I was surprised it hadn't hit me earlier, seeing as I hadn't been able to stop thinking about this dinner since Harry first brought it up, but I was happy that my body hadn't reacted to it yet.

I drummed my thumbs against the wheel, biting my bottom lip as I drove to the other side of London. A large knot had started forming in my stomach, making me want to pull over and throw up, but I swallowed the sickness down and forced myself to continue driving towards my destination, hoping things wouldn't turn out as bad as I thought.

The second I drove into the street I recognized so well but had avoided the last two and a half years, I could feel my breathing starting to get uneven. The trees, the houses and the street itself were all the same. Nothing had changed since I was last here. Even the little playground further down the road looked the same, and I couldn't help the tears that started pricking my eyes.

If I couldn't even handle being in the street, how would I be able to see the house and spend time inside it?

I made sure to drive at a slow pace since I wanted to calm down a bit before I had to face the real thing, but I realized I couldn't drag it out any longer when I was only one house away. So I drove up to the gate I had driven through a thousand times before, stopping at the security alarm.

I tried the code Harry and I had back in the days, and to my surprise, the gates instantly opened up in front of me. My eyes widened as I took in the sight. The big, white house with so many windows that it used to annoy me, the large garden that Harry had always taken care of perfectly because I had been too much of a lazy arse myself, and the swimming pool that was mostly for decoration since London was so cold most time of the year. It was all there, right in front of me.

Every memory Harry and I shared here came back to me in a second, and I had to bury my face in my hands not to get emotional. I could remember how one morning in June a few years ago, I had dragged Harry out in the rain to swim with me. He had always been a water pot, so it wasn't willingly he followed me out in the cold weather. I remembered how we had been standing there, at the edge of the pool, shaking his head while trying to tell me he wanted to go back inside. But instead of listening, I had grabbed his hand and pulled him with me as I jumped into the cold water.

Once we resurfaced, he had started yelling at me while splashing water on my face. "I can't believe you did that, Louis," he had huffed, his face in a scowl.

In return, I had laughed at him and tried to make him stop splashing water on me. "Oh, come on, babe," I had replied as I finally managed to get close enough to take his hands in my own. "Admit it. It's nicer than you thought it would be."

He had looked away from me with a pout on his pink lips, but a smile was threatening to take over his features. "No, I'm freezing."

I looked up towards the sky, where the rain was still pouring down before turning back to look at him with a grin. "Come closer then, you big oaf," I chuckled, wrapping my arms around his waist as he curled his around my neck.

After a while of just looking each other in the eyes, he leaned in to seal our lips together in a deep kiss, and that later came to be one of my favorite memories from that swimming pool. Thinking back to it now made a faint smile form on my lips, and I couldn't help but drop my hands from my face to look over at the pool again. I would do anything to bring those days back.

Once I forced myself back to reality, I noticed that my car was the only one parked in the driveway apart from Harry's. I hoped that meant Nick and Perrie had taken a cab here so that I wasn't the first to arrive. I had made sure to be a bit late for that specific situation not to happen.

I climbed out of the car quite ungracefully but managed to keep myself upright as I shut the door behind me and started heading towards the front door of the house. My hands began to shake as I reached up to the doorbell, the doorbell I had never had to ring before.

Only a second later, the door swung open, and to my relief, Perrie was the one who had opened it. "Hi, Louis, come on in. Nick and I just arrived," she smiled.

Swallowing, I managed to send her something between a smile and a grimace before taking a step forward to stand on the doormat in the hallway. Nick was there as well, and Harry was standing a bit further into the house, his arms crossed over his chest while leaning against the wall. He was dressed in a dark red-colored Gucci suit tonight, and a black button-up underneath. The ends of the sleeves and legs were clad in silver details, which made it look as expensive as it most likely was.

Nevertheless, he looked beautiful. He was always beautiful. It didn't matter what he was wearing, he would always be the man I was in love with and had been in love with for the last eight years of my life.

Nick and Perrie had already managed to take their shoes off, so I did the same after placing my sweatshirt on the chair next to the door as the two of them started talking to each other. Harry remained silent where he was standing, a blank expression on his face as his eyes were directed in our direction. It wasn't until I had managed to slip off my sneakers and looked back up to meet his gaze that I realized he was staring directly at me.

I wished I could read his face. I wished I could read his mind because I wanted to know what he was thinking right now. Did it hurt him as much as it hurt me that I was here? Did all those memories that had flashed by my mind in the driveway well up in his head now too?

Before I could think more about it, Nick broke our eye contact by clapping his hands together. "Alright, shall we go inside?"

Harry pushed himself off the wall and nodded. "Sure. Do you want me to show you around or...?" He asked hesitantly, and I knew he must be hesitating because of me. There was no other explanation.

"If you don't mind," Perrie said, flashing him a genuine smile.

He returned it half-heartedly. "Of course not."

The first thing I noticed already in the hallway was that he had changed a lot of stuff since I was last here. The shelf next to the door wasn't there anymore. Instead, a full-length mirror was on the wall. He had also gotten rid of the hanger we used to have and replaced it with a closet against the opposite wall instead. I realized that the fact that it was so different made it easier for me to be here than it would have been if everything was exactly the same.

I wasn't as lucky when we came to the living room, though, because the same white couch was still there along with the flatscreen that took up most of the opposite wall. But in addition, there was now a big, white piano placed on the other side of the room, which hadn't been there before. The worst thing about it all was that there were no pictures on the walls anymore. No pictures of us, to be specific.

When this fact hit me, I could feel my heart twisting in my chest. It still hurt even though I knew that the pictures would be gone. It was as if I had been completely erased from the house, as if I had never lived here.

And the further we got into the house, the more I realized how true that was since most of the things that were different were things I had bought or decided should be there when we first moved in. Therefore, I couldn't help but leave the three of them to head to the bathroom when Harry started walking up the stairs, because there was no way I would let him show me our bedroom or his bedroom now. The thing was, I didn't know if I wanted it to have changed or not, so it was better not to know.

The second I had locked the door behind me, I sat down on the toilet seat, burying my face in my hands. I knew things would be challenging, but I didn't expect them to be this tough. I didn't want to go back out there. I didn't want to face yet another thing that he had exchanged for something that wasn't mine. Fuck, I didn't want to see anything at all.

After a few minutes, I got up to walk over to the sink, looking at myself in the mirror. I looked tired, as though I hadn't gotten any sleep in weeks, and I knew that was partly true because I hadn't slept very well the last couple of days.

With a sigh, I opened one of the cabinets. I didn't know why, but maybe it was because I wanted to see if there was any trace of me left at all or if I was erased from the place completely.

The first thing my eyes caught sight of made my breath hitch in my throat. My perfume. I knew it was mine since we had never used the same one, even if he had claimed so many times that he loved the way I smelled.

I picked up the glass bottle, noticing that it was about half full. If I remembered correctly, I hadn't brought my perfume with me when I left the house that evening, so this could very well be mine. Either way, it was the brand I had always used, and that at least meant something.

I placed it back in the cabinet before closing it, suddenly feeling a little better. All traces of me weren't gone, and if I looked closely, I had a vague feeling I would find more things that hadn't entirely changed since I moved out.

When I left the bathroom, the three of them were already seated at the kitchen table. Thankfully, they didn't say anything as I settled down next to Perrie and opposite Harry. I just shot them an apologetic smile before trying to catch up with their conversation.

It turned out Nick was talking about his Judges' house trip to Mallorca, where he had gone to this fancy club where the bartenders came over to the booths to ask what drinks they wanted to order. "You should have been there, I'm telling you," he told us, a smug smile playing on his lips as he leaned back on his chair, only the two back legs touching the floor.

Harry rolled his eyes as he got up from his seat to walk over to the stove. "I'm not disagreeing with you, mate, but Ibiza was pretty cool too."

Nick snorted, shaking his head while Perrie put her palm under her chin and placed her elbow on the surface of the table. "So, were there any fancy clubs in Ibiza then?" She asked curiously, making me swallow. She knew just as well as everyone in the room that both Harry and I had been there.

Harry didn't say anything as he picked up the pot he had just been stirring in to place it on the table. "Yeah, one of them was really great," he replied curtly, his lips barely forming a smile.

I looked down at my lap, fiddling with the end of my shirt. It wasn't hard to tell he was thinking about what had happened towards the end of that night because the way he said it made it sound like he wasn't telling the complete truth, and it saddened me even though I knew it shouldn't.

"So, what have you made for us tonight, H?" Nick butted in, breaking the tension that had filled the air, and leaned over to get a glimpse of what was in the pot.

The look on Harry's face changed immediately, a wide smile now forming on his lips. "Risotto ai Funghi. You know, since I've become a pescetarian and all, I thought I should serve something that's become one of my favorite dishes," he said proudly. "I hope you'll like it."

I had no idea Harry had become a pescetarian, but I didn't say anything about it as I plated my food. Nick's eyes lit up the second he had brought his fork to his mouth and tasted the dish. "Oh my God, this is amazing, H," he gasped.

Harry's lips twitched as he tasted the food himself. "Thanks, Nick. I'm glad you like it."

"Like?" He said incredulously. "This is the best Risotto I've ever eaten. You should become my personal chef."

The curly-haired man rolled his eyes as he let out a chuckle. Meanwhile, I stared at my plate, trying to ignore the jealousy that blossomed up inside me. It was stupid, but Harry had always been the one who cooked our food when we lived together, so if he had been anyone's personal chef, he had been mine. And of course, the Risotto was good. Everything Harry had ever cooked was delicious.

"It really is delicious, Harry. What's your secret?" Perrie asked, bringing another forkful of food to her mouth.

Harry shrugged his shoulders, the smile never leaving his face. "Thank you. I don't really have one, and I never follow a recipe," he explained, his gaze flicking to me.

Was he expecting me to compliment him as well?

Clearing my throat, I reached out to take a sip of water. Everyone else was drinking alcohol, but water would do just fine for me since I decided to drive here and didn't feel like drinking. "Yeah, it's really good," I mumbled, making the smile on his face widen.

If that were the only thing I had to say to make him smile, I wouldn't hesitate to compliment his food or something else more often because I had missed him smiling at me so much. If I were honest, I didn't know just how I had missed it until now. It made my heart flutter uncontrollably in my chest.

Once we had finished eating and cleaned the table from the dirty dishes, Harry walked away to fetch a pack of cards. By now, I could tell that Perrie and Nick were getting a bit tipsy by the way their mouths were moving non-stop. They wouldn't even shut up when Harry had left, and they were talking at the same time as each other.

"I'm sure one of the girls is going to win this year. They are all so talented, and their voices are just amazing. Can you believe..."

"... This guy has the best voice I've ever heard. Eric, do you remember him? He's definitely going to win this year, and--"

"For fuck's sake, can you please shut up for a second?" I groaned, flicking my gaze between them to glare at them both.

Nick raised his eyebrows at me. "Just because you're not drinking, you don't have to act like an ass," he fired back, making me narrow my eyes at him.

"I'm not acting like an ass. You're just breaking my eardrums with all your bullshit," I retorted.

Perrie let out a sigh. "Alright, calm down. There's no need for you to start arguing about this. Louis' right anyway. We're acting like three-year-olds," she interrupted.

"Thank you, Pez." I smiled appreciatingly at her, thankful that at least one of them had some sense left. Nick just let out a huff and bitterly crossed his arms over his chest.

Thirty seconds later, Harry came back with a pack of cards in his hands, and he sat down in his seat without knowing anything about our argument. Since we didn't bring it up, he didn't find out about it either. Instead, we started playing a game of Poker.

Much to Harry's delight, he won the first two rounds, and when he was about to win the third one, Perrie shook her head. "Something isn't right. Harry, what have you done to the cards?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

He blinked at her, bringing his hand to his chest offensively. "Why would you think I've done something to them?"

"Because," she said, still suspicious. "There's no way you can win two rounds in a row and be in the process of winning the third one too. What are you hiding?"

"I'm not hiding anything, Perrie. I just happen to be very good at Poker," he huffed in defense.

She narrowed her eyes at him again, her lips pursed. "I still think you're cheating," she muttered, and it wasn't hard to tell that the alcohol was adding to her grumpiness. No one else really cared that Harry was winning.

He pouted his lips, looking incredibly cute as he looked away from her. "I can't believe you would accuse me of that. I would never cheat."

I didn't know if he thought of the double meaning behind his words, but I did, and it made me turn my eyes to the surface of the table, my heart sinking in my chest. He would never cheat, he said? How come it was so easy to cheat on me then?

After another ten minutes, I was sure the other three people had caught up with my change of moods. They were all playing the game enthusiastically, and they were dramatic as well, but I couldn't bring myself to join them, and it had nothing to do with the fact that I wasn't drinking.

Another ten minutes went by until I excused myself to the toilets. I just couldn't bring myself to be around them when they were so happy and laughing as if nothing was wrong. Everything was wrong. Not only was I in the house I had once lived in that barely had any trace of me left, but I had also just been harshly reminded of what Harry had done to me when we broke up.

I didn't know how long I sat on the toilet seat in the bathroom, but I was pretty sure it was more than half an hour. I even contemplated calling Liam since the feelings that were welling up in me started becoming a little too much, but I stopped myself when my thumb hovered over his name. I could do this without his help. I just needed to man up and go out there, pretend as though all this didn't mean anything to me.

Inhaling a large breath, I gathered all my willpower and exited the bathroom to walk back to the kitchen. To my great surprise, it was empty. There weren't even any glasses on the kitchen table anymore. It looked just like it should do when no one was sitting at it.

Feeling a lump form in my throat, I started thinking about how long I had been sitting in the bathroom. Was there any chance that Nick and Perrie had gone home? But it couldn't possibly be that late yet. It felt like we had just arrived here.

The sound of someone clearing their throat behind me made me turn around. Harry was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest as he inspected me closely, just like he had done when I arrived here. Had he been standing there all along?

"Where's Perrie and Nick?" I asked, feeling my heart starting to race in my chest at the possibility that Harry and I might be here alone.

He pointed towards the front door, his eyebrows pulled together. "They left just a minute ago. It's eleven in the evening."

My mouth formed the shape of an 'o'. I must have stayed in the bathroom longer than I thought. "I should... I should probably leave too," I rushed out, my legs instantly moving towards the hallway.

I didn't know if I was surprised that Harry followed me there or not, but once I had slipped my sneakers on and looked back up, he was standing there, just a few feet away. He was staring at me in the same intense way he had done when I walked through the door earlier, and it almost made chills run through my body because it was so fierce yet impossible to read.

"I'm sorry I came here. I should have probably stayed home. I just..." I trailed off, biting my bottom lip. I just, what? I just wanted to make things better between us? I just didn't want to be disrespectful?

Instead of answering me, he took a step forward. Even if he was still standing a fair distance away from me, I couldn't help the racing of my heart. The fact that he was still staring at me like that didn't make things easier. If anything, it only made me feel even more worked up.

"Right there..." He whispered so quietly I barely heard it.

He then looked away with a pained expression on his face and pinched the skin between his eyebrows before looking back at me, this time with so many emotions flashing by his features that I could barely register them. "Fuck," he breathed, his eyes filling with tears.

"What are you talking about?" I managed to ask, feeling a bit stunned about what was going on because what was going on?

He took another step forward so that his face was only a foot away from mine. I didn't know how long his beautiful green eyes stared into mine, searching for something I didn't know, but I knew that my body was reacting to it, if the goosebumps on my skin and the thumping of my heart were anything to go by. The pained expression remained on his face when he eventually looked away from me, his following words coming out in barely a whisper.

"I never cheated on you, Louis."

He then took a step back, and then another one until he left me alone in the hallway.

Chapter Text

I wasn't sure how long I stood there until I finally managed to exit the house and drive away, back home to my own place. I was stuck in a trance throughout the entire ride, barely knowing where I was going or what was happening around me. The only thing playing on my retina was Harry's pained expression when he told me those words.

"I never cheated on you, Louis."

Squeezing my eyes shut, I shook my head to try getting the image out of my head. Out of everything he could have told me, I never expected it to be those words. It was as if he had punched them into my head, and now they couldn't get out.

It took a while, but eventually, the idea and possibility that what he said was true slowly started processing in my head.

If he never cheated on me, I was the only one at fault for our breakup because that meant I was the only one who had done something to sabotage our relationship. If he never cheated on me, he had must have been hurting more than I could imagine these last few years, and that fact made my heart hurt to the point where I wanted to close in on myself and cry. If he never cheated on me, it would also explain why he was so mad at me when we first met and why he looked at me as if I had just punched him in the face when I accused him of it in Ibiza.

The question was, why would he tell me that he cheated on me in the first place? Why would he make me think that he had been with someone else when he hadn't? Did he do it to hurt me? Make me believe that me giving up on us was okay for him because he didn't love me anymore anyway?

Now I understood what Liam meant when he said that Harry and I should talk about what happened between us. There were so many questions that I needed an answer to, the correct answer to. I had been sure I knew everything I needed to know when I had told Liam I didn't want to talk about my and Harry's breakup, but now I knew I was wrong. Was there even something I did know except for my part?

It had started raining now, which didn't make it easier to see the streets. Luckily, though, I managed to make it home without getting into a car crash or anything of the sort. I walked into the house, only then realizing that I had forgotten my sweatshirt at Harry's place since my arms were bare and I was wet from the rain. I was probably cold too, but I was too numb to feel anything.

Therefore, the thought of taking a shower didn't cross my mind. Instead, I walked up to my bedroom with Clifford following me and got under the covers of my bed without undressing. It didn't take more than a few minutes until everything went black, darkness taking over my mind completely.

-----

After eating breakfast the following morning, the first thing I did was to call Lottie. I hadn't talked to her in a while, but I felt as though I would get the best advice from her. Liam wasn't bad at giving advice either, but this was something so personal that I wanted to talk to her about it.

Besides, I wanted my family to know what happened between me and Harry before anyone else did. I never thought I would have to explain it to them, but now that things had turned out the way they did, I couldn't push it under the bed and not speak about it any longer. If there was any time to explain what happened, it was now.

After taking care of Clifford, I sat down at the kitchen table, running a hand through my brown fringe as I scrolled through my contacts to find Lottie's name. I had forced myself not to think about what Harry told me yesterday since I woke up, but it was impossible not to now that I wasn't occupied doing anything specific.

Before the thoughts could overwhelm me, I clicked on Lottie's name and brought the phone to my ear, praying that she would pick up. I rubbed my chin subconsciously as it rang once, twice, and a third time before anything happened.

"Louis?"

Letting out a sigh of relief, I closed my eyes. "Hi, Lottie."

I could hear her fumbling around on the other end, but it stopped after a few seconds. "Is something wrong?" She asked warily. I really admired the way she could always read me so well.

I ran a hand over my face in exasperation. "You could say that I guess."

She seemed to finally settle down wherever she was and focused on me entirely. "Tell me what happened."

Biting my lip, I looked down at the surface of the table. "I went to Harry's place with Perrie and Nick yesterday, and it turns out he still lives in the house we used to share. Every trace of me is basically gone. All I found was a bottle of the perfume I've always used."

She hummed on the other end. "You do realize that it would have been weird if he still kept your things, right? Considering you two ended it on a bad note, I'm pretty sure he didn't want to be reminded of you wherever he looked," she tried to reason.

"But why didn't he just sell the house? Then he wouldn't have been reminded of me at all," I pointed out.

She was quiet for a while before continuing, "Maybe there was a fine line of wanting to be reminded of you and not wanting to be reminded of you? You don't know what his thoughts were."

She was right. I didn't know what was going on inside his head, especially not after what he confessed last night. "I certainly don't," I mumbled.

"What do you mean?" She asked in confusion, probably sensing that I was referring to something specific.

I inhaled a large breath, telling myself that this was for the best. I had already been reminded of what happened that evening almost three years ago, so telling Lottie about it wouldn't make things worse than they already were.

"A few months before we broke up, I started distancing myself from him after a meeting I attended. I know, stupid. It went on until I eventually decided to leave him since I couldn't see any other way out," I started, inhaling a deep breath.

"As we were drifting apart, I was aware that Harry was out a lot, so when he told me that he had cheated on me that evening, I didn't see a reason not to believe him. I was so hurt, even though I was the one sabotaging our relationship because I still loved him so fucking much. And then yesterday..." I trailed off, shaking my head in disbelief because I still couldn't believe it had happened.

"Yesterday, he told me that he never cheated on me, which means I've been the only one at fault this whole time. I'm the reason we're not together anymore, and it's only because of what I did he won't talk to me these days," I explained, my voice almost cracking as tears brimmed my eyes.

"Oh, Louis," Lottie said sadly. "I'm so sorry. I really wish none of this would've happened to you two. But no matter what, you shouldn't put all the blame on yourself. Even if Harry never cheated, he told you he did, and he shouldn't have done that. It doesn't matter that he wanted you to hurt or whatever his intention was. Things would have been different today if he had never lied to you, and you would have known that he never stopped loving you."

Her words made a sad smile form on my lips, and I let out a breathy laugh. "You're being too nice to me, Lots. I mean, sure, what you're saying is partly true, but now I understand what an idiot I was at the time. If I had never given up on our relationship, we would have most likely still been together today."

She went quiet then, probably knowing that I was right. If Harry had never cheated and only lied about it, we could have fixed this a long time ago, that much was true, but if I never gave up on us, we wouldn't even be in the situation in the first place.

"I don't want to make you feel worse, Lou, but judging by his songs, I think it's pretty obvious that he never cheated on you. I never knew what happened between you, so I couldn't make things out by the lyrics, but I can tell you that the way he sings about you is not how you sing about someone you have fallen out of love with."

A few tears fell from my eyes, running down my cheeks. I was such a jerk, a stupid fucking fool. I never even thought of listening to his songs to make things out by them. I was always too afraid to hear something I didn't want to hear. For example, listen to him sing about a new lover or about how he didn't love me anymore. I wasn't aware this was the reason I had avoided it at the time, but I knew that now.

"Fuck," I breathed, squeezing my eyes shut. "He was so hurt, and I just... I just turned the tables around and showed him how hurt I was instead when he didn't... when he didn't even do anything to me."

"Louis," she sighed. "Don't put yourself down like this. You didn't know, alright? You couldn't know that he was hurting when he basically told you he wasn't."

I wiped the tears off my cheeks, keeping my gaze at the table. "But I should have seen through him. We had been together for five years. I should have known whether he was lying or not," I disagreed.

"Well, you didn't, and that's not your fault. Look, even if Harry never cheated on you, you are both still part of the reason you broke up. It doesn't matter if he lied to you about sleeping with someone else. He still told you he did, and you believed him. So that makes him part of the reason you broke up," she reasoned with a determined voice, and even if I wanted to disagree with her, I knew she had a point.

Whether Harry wanted me to believe him or not, it added fuel to the fire. If he hadn't uttered the words, our breakup might have turned out like any other disagreement we'd had over the years. Sure, they had been disagreements that barely lasted for three days, but that didn't mean we wouldn't have found our way back together. It didn't take more than a few months until I realized what a stupid mistake I had made for thinking what I had been told was true after all.

A few months. Who was I kidding? It was long enough to fall in love with someone else, for fuck's sake. But then again, I might have realized it sooner if he never added the cheating part to it, but that was something I would never know.

"I see where you're coming from," I said eventually, biting the inside of my cheek.

"Good," she said. "Don't think about this too much, Louis, alright? I'd suggest you talk to him about it, though, to sort things out."

I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "Yeah, I know," I sighed.

She was quiet for a while until she spoke again. "I'm glad you told me, Lou. I started getting the feeling that you never would, but you did. I just... I just want you to know how happy I am that you felt like you could trust me with it."

I felt terrible for making her think I never told her because I didn't trust her. It had nothing to do with that. "Lottie, I've always trusted you. That's not it. I just didn't want to talk about it and be reminded of what happened that evening. You know just as well as I that I pushed my feelings aside over the years and forced myself to believe I had moved on from him when in reality, I was just too scared of being reminded of everything. That's why I didn't tell you, so don't think it has anything to do with you," I told her sincerely.

"Yeah... I know. It just feels like you've finally let me in, and I am happy about that. I feel honored, Lou."

A wide smile formed on my lips as I felt warmth spread in my chest. "You're welcome, Lots."

We hung up on each other only a few minutes after that. She told me she would come over sometime soon so that we could catch up on each other's lives, considering it had been a while since we last spoke. I then went to the living room with Clifford in toe, and laid down on the soft cushion of the white couch, draping a blanket over my body.

I wasn't even tired. I had slept like a baby last night, and for about nine hours at that, but sleep felt like the only place where I could avoid all the thoughts that were threatening to take over my mind. Therefore, I closed my eyes and tried making myself relax, but unfortunately, it didn't take long until I realized it wasn't going to happen. My mind kept slipping to Harry, and it was impossible to fall asleep when his face was playing on my retina and I, on top of that, wasn't tired at all.

In order to distract myself in another way, I grabbed the TV remote and turned on the flatscreen. I went onto Spotify to find some music that wouldn't make me think of him. The first thing my eyes caught sight of was my rock playlist, but I quickly changed my mind and clicked on a random one that I hadn't made myself because there was a risk that some of the songs would remind me of him.

Scrolling through the playlist to find something interesting, I could feel my body go rigid when my eyes landed on one particular song. I didn't even have to see the artist's name to know it was one of Harry's because I had heard Niall mention it a few weeks ago in Ibiza.

The reason I went onto Spotify was to find music that would take my mind off Harry, but when I saw the song staring at me right in the face, I suddenly felt an urge to turn it on. I could clearly remember how he had tensed up when Niall had mentioned it along with the other one and then relaxed when I confessed I hadn't listened to any of his songs, so there was a high possibility that they were about me.

Swallowing, I hesitated to click the 'Ok' button. It was probably a stupid idea, the stupidest idea that had ever crossed my mind, but whenever I felt an urge to do something, I had a hard time not going through with it. It was as if my fingers were itching to click the button while a voice in my head chanted at me to do it as well.

My thumb pressed down on the button without realizing it, and the song started playing. The acoustic guitar hit my eardrums immediately, making a smile form on my face as warmth spread in my chest. It was beautiful.

It didn't take long until his lovely voice came in, and I could feel every muscle suddenly relax in my body.

"Sweet creature. Had another talk about where it's going wrong, but we're still young. We don't know where we're going, but we know where we belong. And oh, we started two hearts in one home. It's hard when we argue. We're both stubborn, I know."

My mouth fell open at the lyrics, my heart fluttering in my chest. I never expected him to write something as beautiful as this, especially not if it was about us.

"But oh, sweet creature, sweet creature. Wherever I go, you bring me home. Sweet creature, sweet creature. When I run out of road, you bring me home."

Home.

It wasn't an unknown fact that the word had meant a lot to me and Harry. Since we were always on the run, touring the world, it never felt like we had a real home, so home for us had always been each other. No matter where we were, Harry was always there, so I didn't need a place to call home because he was my home, the person that made me feel safe and know where I belonged.

The fact that he had decided to add it to this song made me feel so many things at the same time that I couldn't put my finger on any of them, but it also made me extremely sad because he had most likely written it after our breakup and thought about our time together. It made me understand why he was so scared that I had listened to his songs, seeing as I would have known it was about me the second I heard it. There was no one else it could possibly be about.

"Sweet creature. We're running through the garden, oh, where nothing bothered us, but we're still young. I always think about you and how we don't speak enough."

We don't speak enough.

It was true. We barely spoke a word to each other the last few months of our relationship. It was as if we were two separate individuals living in the same house. We barely looked at each other, and we always made sure to spend the day separately. That period might have been the worst time of my life, if not the following months after we broke up. Knowing I still lived with someone I loved but couldn't show it to was the most challenging thing I'd ever had to do. We definitely didn't speak enough, and I knew I was the only one to blame for that.

"But oh, sweet creature, sweet creature. Wherever I go, you bring me home. Sweet creature, sweet creature. When I run out of road, you'll bring me home."

When the last chord had been taken, I sat there, staring at the flatscreen with my mouth still half-open. I hadn't realized tears had started rolling down my eyes, but when I reached up to touch my cheek, it was wet. I tried to wipe them away, but new ones just kept falling, and there was nothing I could do about it.

My heart ached in my chest. It hurt so bad that I wanted to rip it out and replace it with another one. How could I have done this? How could I have broken his heart when I knew he loved me? Because I knew he loved me, he had made it clear so many times. I shouldn't have doubted that. I shouldn't have let myself be persuaded into believing he would stop loving me just because things were changing and we weren't going to be in the same band anymore.

Another song had started playing somewhere between my thoughts, but I was too far away to notice it. I couldn't stop thinking about how Harry must have felt when I left our house that evening. He had seemed so unaffected, so stone-cold that it was impossible for me to believe he felt anything at all.

"We never learn we've been here before. Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets?"

But he must have been hurting. It was just so difficult for me to picture it when I had been so sure he had cheated on me all this time. Thinking back to that evening and trying to rearrange the scene, picture Harry as broken instead of unaffected, required a lot of thinking and energy, and it was hard, so fucking hard.

"Just stop your crying, have the time of your life."

My eyes snapped up to the flatscreen, my heart coming to an abrupt halt at the lyrics. 'Sign Of The Times' by Harry Styles, the screen said. It was the song that had been playing in the car the day we were driving to Cardiff, when Harry had told Nick to change radio stations. I recognized the melody immediately by the beautiful piano loop. What really caught my attention, though, were those words. They were the exact words that had gone on repeat in my head over and over again for months after I left him.

"Have the time of your life, Louis Tomlinson."

I had been crying that day, even if I didn't have the right to. I didn't have the right to when I was the one leaving him, but how could I not be when I still loved him, and he had just told me he had been with someone else?

"We don't talk enough. We should open up before it's all too much. Will we ever learn? We've been here before. It's just what we know."

And there it was again, the phrase about not communicating enough. It made me realize just how much he had been hurting when we started falling apart. And he was right. It wasn't the first time. I had doubted our relationship before, when we were told we weren't going to last, that our relationship was only a waste of time. But I never left him. I never gave up on us. Not until then.

And then I finally, after almost three years, allowed myself to let everything out - every emotion, every thought that had built up inside me from what happened that evening. I finally let myself feel everything; the pain, the heartbreak, the emptiness, the loss... everything. And I didn't do anything to stop it.

Chapter Text

"Louis, can you come in for a minute? I want to have a word with you."

Those were the words Simon had told me over the phone half an hour ago. I hadn't even had time to return to mine and Harry's house after buying his engagement ring when this happened, so here I was, standing outside Simon's office with the ring case in the pocket of my Adidas hoodie.

Once I had knocked on the door, and the man himself had told me to come inside, I opened the door and entered his office. He was sitting on his chair in a black suit, just like he always did whenever we were here for a meeting.

"You wanted to talk to me," I implied, sitting down in the seat opposite him, on the other side of the desk.

He nodded curtly, looking down at his papers before looking back up at me. "So, you are aware that One Direction is taking a break in January next year," he started, making me want to roll my eyes.

"I'm in the band, Simon."

"Don't use that tone, Louis. I know you are aware of it. I was just stating facts," he said in a clipped tone, his jaw clenched.

"Go on then," I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest.

He pursed his lips. "Have you heard from any record labels yet?"

Biting my bottom lip, I looked down at my fiddling fingers on my lap. "No."

"Hmm," he hummed. "Well, since you and Harry are together, I assume he's already told you that he's planning on signing a contract with Columbia Records."

I could feel a large knot form in the pit of my stomach because, no, I didn't know that. But I was sure he was planning to tell me. "Oh," was the only thing that escaped my lips, and I still refused to look up to meet his gaze.

He seemed surprised by my reply, seeing as he let out a humorous laugh. "You didn't know that? Wow, what a great boyfriend you've got there, Louis."

Feeling my blood starting to boil in my body, I clenched my hands into tight fists. "Just tell me why I'm here in the first place," I snapped, finally looking up to shoot him a glare.

He tilted his head to the side, that disgusting smile still evident on his face. "Well, I've had a few chats with them, and they've got some big plans for your dear friend, Louis. Bigger plans than you could ever imagine."

His words made me scowl, my eyebrows pinching together. "What are you talking about?"

Even though I knew I should take his words with a pinch of salt since this was Simon we were talking about, and he had always liked drama and trouble, I couldn't help but be curious. I wanted to know what Harry's possibly new record label had in store for him.

"Harry's always been everyone's favorite. You know that. The fans' favorite and the media's favorite. They know what they're doing when they're signing him. You know how record labels are, right? All we care about is money," he chuckled, saying it so simply that it made me want to vomit.

"But this is how it was always going to end, Louis. You know how much everyone loves him. You must have realized that sooner or later, he would be taken away from you."

"The fuck are you talking about? No one's going to take him away from me," I frowned, shaking my head in ignorance.

Simon bore his eyes into mine then, looking at me intensely. "That's where you've got it all wrong, Louis. You have no idea what these people are capable of. Once they've made a decision, they're going to do everything they can to fulfill their plan. You if anyone should know about this," he smirked, and I knew he was referring to Eleanor.

Swallowing, I averted my gaze. I didn't want to hear more of this. I just wanted to go home and surprise Harry by getting down on one knee. The look on his face was all I had been thinking about since I decided I was doing this, and I couldn't wait to see it in real life.

"From what I've heard, they're planning on making him into this untouchable artist that won't interact with anyone but famous people. I'm pretty sure they don't want his fans to know him personally anymore, so they're going to create this mystery about him. They also told me that they are willing to do anything to get him to number one, so I'm pretty sure a secret boyfriend is not something they're going to enjoy very much."

I wanted to ask him why they had told him all this, but I didn't. Instead, I sat quietly, waiting for him to continue talking.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Louis. I have always known that you and Harry weren't going to last. You are two entirely different people, where Harry would do anything to get as far as possible while you're satisfied with whatever is given to you. You know how much Harry loves his job, his career, and doing what he's doing. He wouldn't give that up for anything. He's a star, Louis. He's going to get far because he just lives it. He's more outgoing and open to new ideas than any of you other guys are. He's going to get incredibly big, that boy. And you? You'll be the partner he can't show off to anyone. You'll be the one who's going to prevent him from living things out fully. And let's face it, you won't be good enough for him then. He's going to want so much more when the band no longer exists, when you boys aren't there to prevent him from doing whatever he wants to anymore."

His words felt like a slap in the face, and without knowing it, tears had started welling up in my eyes. Because, even if I didn't want to believe him, I knew he was right. Harry was a star, and the other boys and I had known that for a very long time too. He was meant to be at the top, and I... I would be the one standing in his way of that because there was no way he would get there with me by his side. I had always known that I was preventing him from being completely honest to people, that our relationship was holding him back because of that, but I had always put the thought aside, thinking that our love was worth it. But if these people were going to succeed in turning him into the artist they wanted, I just knew that I wouldn't be enough for him anymore. He was going to want more than I could ever give him.

Simon opened his mouth to continue. "I'm sorry about this, Louis, but did you think you would be able to have a secret relationship for the rest of your life? Because you and Harry would never be able to come out as a couple. Even when One Direction is long gone, you would have to keep it a secret because people will hate you for lying to them all these years. Also, the contract you've signed with us says you can't expose what we've done to you. So let's face it, there is no way you and Harry will last forever because one day, both of you are going to want more than what you can ever achieve together."

I didn't reply to him as I felt tears leave my eyes, running down my cheeks. I hated crying. I hated it so much that I got frustrated with myself whenever I did, but I didn't care right now because everything just hurt so much.

"Alright, now that it's out there, I want to give you an offer. This is probably not the greatest time to say this, but I hope it'll cheer you up a bit. I understand that this is hard for you to process. However, I am willing to offer you five more years with Syco. I'd love to continue working with you, Louis, and I think we can really accomplish something with your dream of creating a girl band. What do you think?"

I was still trying to process everything he had just told me. My mind wasn't even working properly anymore since it felt like my entire world was falling apart. How could he ask me something like that after what he had just said?

But somehow - I had no idea how - I left the room that afternoon with my gaze turned towards the floor and a satisfied Simon sitting in his seat with a signed contract in his hands.

-----

Things changed drastically in my and Harry's relationship after that. Without being aware of it, I started distancing myself from him, thinking it was better to start getting used to being away from him as soon as possible. He would probably sign that contract in a matter of months, and the band was going on a break in January.

It didn't take long until Harry began noticing it, especially when I started turning my back to him whenever we went to bed at night and when I stopped wanting to be close to him. He asked me about it constantly, but I wouldn't tell him since he would probably only find me ridiculous if he knew why I was doing it. But he didn't know what the future had in store for us.

A few weeks later, Harry somehow found out that I had signed a new five-year contract with Syco, and he was pissed. He snapped at me while we were eating breakfast, slamming his fist against the kitchen table while telling me that I was such a 'big fucking idiot', to put it precisely. I had taken the blow that morning, looking down at my bowl while biting my bottom lip. He hadn't told me about Columbia Records, so I didn't see the need to tell him about my contract either.

He continued trying to confront me several times about what was wrong and why I was acting so strange the next couple of weeks, but I always refused to give him an answer. It frustrated him to no end. I could tell by how he constantly pulled at his curls with a stressed look on his face. I hated what I was doing to him, but it was for the best.

We got more and more distant after a while, and it began feeling like he didn't have the energy to continue trying anymore. He started going out every weekend to party with his friends, and I did the same thing but with my own mates. I tried to tell myself that I was enjoying myself, that I couldn't be happier by going to different clubs every weekend, but deep down, I knew that I was lying.

Harry started getting pictured leaving all these clubs with different people, mostly girls. I tried not to be affected by it, but it was bugging me. It was bugging me so much that I checked my Twitter every time he had been out, trying to get a glimpse of what people he was hanging with and who he left with. But I shouldn't care. In fact, it was probably better to stop caring altogether.

September rolled around, and Harry and I barely spoke to each other anymore. When we were home in the U.K and our house, we sometimes didn't even sleep in the same bed anymore. We also woke up at different times in the morning, avoided eating breakfast together, and then left the house to spend our days separately.

Around this time I started noticing that he was leaving the clubs with the same people every time, or more specifically, the same girl. Again, I shouldn't blame him since things were so bad between us, but my biggest insecurity had always been that he was bisexual. There were so many girls out there who worshipped the ground he walked, and if he wanted, he could probably have anyone he laid eyes on. So, I couldn't help but be upset about it. We hadn't broken up. We were still together, even if we weren't acting like it. It just hurt so much to think he had already forgotten about me and no longer even seemed bothered that we weren't spending time with each other anymore.

When things didn't stop, and I started feeling like we were just walking on broken glass each and every day, I decided that it was better to leave. We couldn't go on like this anymore because we weren't getting anywhere, and there were only a few months until the band was separating anyway.

That day, I started packing my bags.

-----

My eyes were a bit puffy when I woke up on Monday morning. I was looking at myself in my bathroom mirror, my eyes specifically while grimacing. Turning on the tap, I cupped my hands under the pouring cold water and splayed it onto my face. I then reached out to grab one of the towels to dab it on my wet skin. After that, I looked back at myself in the mirror, letting out a sigh. It would have to do.

I had already gotten dressed in a pair of black and white track pants and a white sweatshirt. The only thing I had left to do before leaving for work was take Clifford out for a short walk.

He usually didn't take too long to do his necessities, and today wasn't any different. I didn't know if that was a good thing because I was dreading going into work today, and everything that delayed it made me feel happier.

It wasn't until I was exiting my car outside the arena that I could feel my heart picking up its pace, though. It felt like nervousness was my best friend these days. I could barely go anywhere without feeling adrenaline flood in my veins to the point where I wanted to throw up. I was honestly a bit surprised that I hadn't vomited yet.

After greeting the fans waiting outside the arena, I entered the place, walking directly to the lounge room where I was pretty sure we were meeting up. We were doing press conferences this entire week, which I hadn't really been looking forward to. You never knew what questions would be asked, and it felt like many topics that could come up were sensitive to me these days.

The second I entered the lounge room, I noticed that I was running a little late after all, since everyone was already there, even Harry and Nick. They were sitting on the same couch they were last week, and Harry was wearing a pair of turquoise oversized dress pants along with a white, almost see-through button-up that was rolled up at the sleeves and had the two top buttons undone.

My gaze was stuck on him for a long while until I snapped myself out of it and walked over to sit down next to Perrie on the other couch, opposite the other two judges. Patrick and a few other crew members were talking on the other side of the room, so I focused on Perrie, who had looked up at my arrival.

"Hey, Louis. How are you?" She asked, and just by looking in her eyes, I could tell that she was worried since I had left them at the table on Saturday.

"I'm okay," I replied, trying to make my lips curl into a smile, but it wasn't easy knowing Harry was sitting on the couch opposite me.

She pursed her lips, glancing towards Harry, who was busy talking to Nick. "I'm sorry about the way I acted on Saturday. I should have been there for you. I know how you must have felt, being in that house, yet I just watched you when you clearly had a hard time dealing with it. I'm really sorry," she apologized.

"Don't worry about it, Pez. That wasn't the hardest part..." I found myself mumbling, averting my gaze from her.

She furrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

Letting out a sigh, I shook my head. "Nothing. It was just awkward when I came back to find out that Harry was the only one left," I lied, trying to flash her another smile that I didn't succeed very well in forming either.

Perrie looked at me for a long time without saying anything, and I could tell she knew there was more to it, something I wasn't saying. Before she could ask me about it, though, Patrick walked over with his hands on his hips, a smile playing on his lips.

"I hope you're all well-rested and prepared for this week since there are going to be a lot of press conferences in the next few days," he said, his eyes flicking between the four of us.

"Aren't we just going to answer a bunch of questions?" Nick asked, seemingly not understanding what was so tiring about that.

Patrick let out a chuckle. "We'll see if you're saying the same thing at the end of the day."

His words made my lips twitch, and it strangely satisfied me to see Nick's face turn into a look of bitterness. After all the bitchy comments he had thrown at me the last couple of months, I didn't even feel sorry for it.

"Anyway, the press conference is being arranged in the building next to the arena, where we first met up with each other, so the plan is that we're heading over there in about ten minutes. Until then, you're free to do whatever you want."

With that said, he walked back to the other side of the room, leaving the four of us alone. I couldn't help but let my gaze fall on the curly-haired man who was busy looking down at his fiddling hands on his lap. He was playing with his rings while biting his bottom lip, as if he was thinking deeply about something.

My thoughts trailed to what happened two nights ago, the way he had stood in front of me with tears in his eyes while uttering those words, the words that had been haunting me ever since. It was hard to believe he had almost been crying when I looked at him now. He seemed so strong, as if nothing could ever break him. I knew better, though, because I had heard him cry a few months ago in Leeds, and I had seen that hurt look on his face twice now.

I was aware that I shouldn't be surprised when he looked up to meet my eyes because I was pretty sure I had been staring at him for a good three minutes, but my heart did a double-take when his green irises found mine anyway.

We need to talk.

Those words went on repeat in my head as I continued looking him in the eyes, hoping that he could somehow read my thoughts so that I wouldn't have to confront him. However, when he narrowed his eyes and looked away from me, I was sure I wasn't that lucky. Even if he could read the desperate look on my face, he wasn't going to do anything about it, which I should have known.

I let out a sigh when we got up from the couches to head to the building a few minutes later. Harry and Nick walked together at a fair distance in front of me and Perrie, but I couldn't tell whether they were talking or not because they were both keeping their gazes forward and not making any hand gestures that could possibly help me figure it out. I was aware that Perrie was trying to talk to me, but I only listened with one ear as my gaze was stuck on Harry's back.

We need to talk.

We left the arena, security guards ensuring that we got to the building safely without getting attacked by anyone. We then went into the elevator that took us to the tenth floor, where Patrick had informed us the press conferences would take place.

It wasn't until we were right outside the room that I saw my chance. Nick walked in first, but before Harry could follow him, I reached out to grab his upper arm and pulled him aside, hoping that Perrie wouldn't put too much thought into my action as I caught her glancing at us quickly before entering the room as well.

I saw the guards disappear into the room too, before turning to face a surprised-looking Harry. "What the-"

"We need to talk," I breathed out, feeling my heart race in my chest.

He was so close, only a few inches away, and he was so beautiful. Upfront, I could see the green color of his eyes a lot clearer, the way they were twinkling from the lights in the corridor. I could see the crinkles by his eyes, the light stubble on his cheeks, his perfectly shaped nose, the interpretation of his dimples that I knew would appear if he just curled his lips a tiny bit. I could see it all.

I felt a little distracted by his looks, and I tried my best to snap out of it as I inhaled a large breath. He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest with an unreadable look on his face. "I'm not so sure about that."

I blinked in surprise before I quickly composed myself. "Yes, we do," I said determinedly, narrowing my eyes at him.

He averted his gaze from me, swallowing hard. "We have to go inside. They're waiting on us, and-"

"My place tomorrow evening. I'll text you the address," I cut him off, giving him one last look before walking into the conference room, shutting the door behind me.

-----

I didn't regret it. I knew Harry and I needed to talk. But inviting him to my house, really? I had no idea what I was thinking. I certainly wasn't thinking at all. The thing was, there was probably no other place where we could go if we didn't want to be disturbed by anyone since going to his house again wasn't an option.

Despite that, I threatened to drive to his place if he wouldn't come to mine because I knew he wouldn't come over willingly, not after the way he had disagreed about the fact that we needed to talk. So therefore, I added it to the text of my address that I sent to him after coming home from work the following day.

Harry hadn't looked at me since our encounter yesterday, which probably shouldn't surprise me. I just couldn't help but wonder how he thought I was going to react when he told me he didn't cheat on me. Did he think I would just ignore it? Act as if he never mentioned it? He should have known I would want to talk about it, which was why his behavior surprised me.

When the clock hit seven in the evening, I started getting ready to go to his house. I was a bit taken aback by my eagerness since I had always been so reluctant to talk about our breakup before, but this had been bugging me for almost three years now, and now that I knew it was a lie, I needed answers.

Before I managed to slip my feet into my Adidas sneakers, highlights flashed through my windows. I stopped in my movements instantly, my eyes snapping to the source. I could see a black Range Rover pull into my driveway through the window next to my door, making my mouth go dry.

I didn't have much time to collect myself until the bell rang, and Clifford ran over to the front door, slipping past my legs while barking loudly and wagging his tail from side to side. Inhaling a large breath, I snapped out of it and took a step forward to open the door, revealing the curly-haired man.

He was wearing a black hoodie along with a matching black pair of joggers, but what caught my attention was the black Vans on his feet. I was pretty sure I had never seen him wear Vans before. 

My gaze continued wandering back up to his face, noticing that his dark curls were damp, which must mean that he had showered before coming here.

Clearing my throat, I looked down at my dog, who was still barking happily, his front paws on Harry's thighs to get his attention. To my surprise, Harry bent down to pet him behind his ear, rubbing his black fur with a small smile on his face. In return, Clifford stopped barking and instead nuzzled his face into Harry's hand while trying to lick his skin.

Harry let out a light chuckle before standing up, his gaze landing on me. "I didn't know you had a dog. What's its name?" He asked, flickering his eyes to Clifford again.

"Clifford," I mumbled, biting my bottom lip.

He let out a hum, reaching down to pet him one more time before focusing entirely on me. "I uh... You forgot your sweatshirt at my place the other night, so here," he said, extending the hand he had kept behind his back all this time, revealing my red sweatshirt.

"Thanks," I replied, my head spinning as I reached out to take it without meeting his gaze. "Come on in. Do you want something? Tea?" I asked, my stomach erupting with nerves. I certainly hadn't thought this idea through enough.

He took his shoes off before shaking his head. "I'm fine," he replied pretty curtly, making me swallow. I suddenly felt terrible for forcing him to come here because that was basically what I had done.

Letting out a sigh, I ran a hand through my hair. "Look, I'm sorry for making you come here, but what exactly did you expect me to do after telling me what you did?" I asked him, my eyes pleading with his.

He pressed his lips in a thin line, avoiding my gaze. "I hope you still have Yorkshire tea," was the only thing he said as he walked by me to head into the house.

A small smile crept to my lips as I followed him into the kitchen, where he sat down at the kitchen table while I walked over to turn on the kettle. It felt weird that he was here, extremely weird even, especially when he made it seem like he had been here plenty of times before, the way he just walked into the house as if he had every room memorized in his mind.

He sat quietly on the chair, scrolling through his phone as I prepared our cups of tea, making sure to add a dash of milk to his before sitting down opposite him at the kitchen table. I passed him his cup against the table, making him look up from his phone.

"Thank you," he mumbled, bringing the cup to his lips while putting his phone away.

I studied his movements while taking a sip of my own tea, noticing that he seemed on edge. A crease was edged into the skin between his brows, and he was bouncing his leg up and down under the table, something I knew he only did when he was either nervous or uncomfortable.

"So, will you explain what you told me?" I asked, swallowing down the nerves that were threatening to take over my body. I had to stay focused if I wanted to get any answers.

He looked up at me, the crease remaining between his brows as he pursed his lips. "I don't know what more to say."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "How about you explain why you told me you cheated on me when you apparently didn't?" I asked boldly, feeling my heart pound in my veins.

He swallowed hard, averting his gaze. "I thought it was obvious. I thought you would understand it was a lie."

Shaking my head, I closed my eyes. "You don't think I've thought about that since you mentioned it? That I should have known? But I didn't, and you saw that after you said it to me that evening, didn't you?"

The crease deepened between his eyebrows as he turned to look back into my eyes. "I was mad at you. I just wanted to say something that would hurt you as much as you hurt me." He paused to run a hand through his drying curls. "I had no clue why you started distancing yourself from me in the first place, so when I came home that evening to see your packed bags in the hallway, I went insane. I didn't understand anything, and it made me angry. Why couldn't you just tell me what was wrong?" He gave me a look of frustration, making me look down at the table guiltily.

It hit me then that he still didn't know why I left him. After all these years, he still had no idea why I had even started distancing myself from him. It made me feel awful. Even if we broke up, he still deserved to know what a weak person I had been when I was persuaded into believing he would leave me if I didn't leave him first.

"I... I'm sorry," was the only thing that escaped my lips.

I could see the way he tensed in his seat, his jaw even clenching, and it made me wonder if he had wanted to hear those words for a long time. He reached up to pinch the skin between his brows as he shook his head. "It's been almost three years, Louis. Why are you telling me this now?"

I bit my lip. "Because I was hurt too, Harry! All this time, I thought you cheated on me. I thought you slept with that girl I saw you get pictured with every night you were out. I had as much of a right to be mad at you as you did at me."

"But you never lied about leaving me," he pointed out, looking at me with his brows pinched together, his eyes filled with hurt. "Even if I had never lied to you, you would have still left me. And I... I couldn't do anything about it because I didn't know what I had done wrong."

Swallowing hard, I could feel my eyes well up with tears. I had no idea what I was doing when I decided to leave him. I was so blinded by the fact that I was sure I wouldn't be enough for him when he signed that contract that I didn't consider just how much I would hurt him. I was so fucking selfish.

"But I think, over the years, I started realizing what triggered you to do it," he said, laughing even though it was obvious he didn't find anything funny. "It kind of clicked when I let myself think about it. It was Simon, wasn't it? He told you something. Because that's what all our fights were about."

I bit my lip, nodding guiltily. "He told me that you were planning to sign a contract with Columbia Records, and it kind of took me off guard because you never mentioned anything about it to me. And then he..." I trailed off, squeezing my eyes shut. It felt so stupid that it was embarrassing to tell him. "He told me that your label would make sure you became this big, untouchable artist and change you. He told me a lot of things about your future that made me question how our relationship would end up, and I just... I was so stunned by it, and I don't know. It all felt so real, and it scared me. It scared me so much that I didn't see any other way things could turn out, so I started distancing myself from you because it would make it easier for me to leave you eventually," I explained, keeping my eyes on him the entire time.

"Huh," he breathed out, his face showing a lot of emotions at the same time until his features eventually hardened. "How come you still wanted to sign a new contract with him after this?"

I inhaled a large breath as I shook my head. "I don't have a good answer for that. I just think I was too overwhelmed by everything."

He nodded slowly, playing with the rings on his fingers. "Did you ever... Did you ever think that what he told you might not be true?" He asked, looking back up at me.

It didn't take long for me to answer that question. "Yeah," I breathed. "But it took a while. My uh... my mum made me realize it when she was in the hospital."

His mouth formed the shape of an 'o', and he was quiet for the next ten seconds. "I see. Jay was a wonderful woman," he smiled sadly, his eyes glazing over. "I'm sad I never got to say goodbye to her."

I could feel myself nodding, but I was too overwhelmed by his words to register it. "I... Yeah, she was," I found myself saying, not knowing how to explain to him that I wished he was there when she passed away too.

By now, our teas had run cold, so I got up from my seat to pour the remaining contents of them into the sink, trying to ignore the fact that Harry was staring at me the whole time. When I turned around, however, he was standing up, scratching the back of his neck.

"I should probably go now," he said, pointing in the direction of the front door.

I didn't want him to leave. This was the first time we'd had a normal conversation in almost three years, and words couldn't describe how much I had missed it. I wanted him to stay so that I could at least savor the feeling of being so close yet so far away from him.

"Okay," I found myself saying instead because even if I wanted, I couldn't make him stay any longer. Practically forcing him to come here in the first place was already bad enough.

I followed him to the hallway, noticing that Clifford did so as well as he kept close to Harry's legs. My eyes followed Harry's movements as he slipped his feet into his Vans, and I could feel a lump form in my throat. I couldn't help but think about what would happen after this. Were we going back to treating each other the way we had done before or were things going to change now?

He looked up to flash me an almost forced smile, and I returned it even though it hurt that it wasn't genuine. "I'm glad you came here so that we could talk about this and finally get it off our chests," I told him, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my track pants.

"Yeah, me too," he said, the forced smile remaining on his lips.

He turned around to leave then, placing his hand on the door handle and turning it. Before he could take a step outside, though, I walked over to him without thinking twice and wrapped my arms around his body, squeezing him close.

I could tell he was surprised by the way he suddenly stiffened. It took at least five seconds until he eventually relaxed in my hold, letting his arms curl around my body in return. The first thing that hit me was the feeling of home. Having his arms around me just made me feel so relaxed, so at ease that I wanted to stay there forever. I had missed it so much.

Pressing my nose against his hoodie-clad shoulder, I inhaled deeply. I had to savor this. I had to remind myself of his sweet, familiar scent, the scent I hadn't been able to go a day without back in the days. He had always smelled so good, and he still did up to this day. I could drown myself in it without caring.

Sadly, all good things must come to an end, so we pulled out of the hug only a few seconds later. I didn't dare look him in the eyes when we did, keeping my gaze at my feet as he turned back towards the door. He eventually took a step outside into the dark night, and the last thing I heard him say before he left was 'bye, Louis'.

Then he was gone.

Chapter Text

If I said I was surprised that Harry ignored me the next day, I would be lying. I wasn't surprised at all, and I was pretty sure that was the reason I couldn't help but hug him before he left my house that evening. I knew if I didn't take the opportunity then, I would probably never get the chance to, and I wanted to hold on to the feeling of being close to him for as long as I could.

Finally talking to him about what happened between us felt like a huge relief, though. I never thought it would. I was sure it would only hurt me even more, but it didn't. It made me feel better than I had in a long time, and even if Harry was still ignoring me, it still felt as though we had grown closer somehow. Something was just telling me that the barrier Liam had been talking about wasn't as strong between us anymore. Well, at least on my part.

When he kept ignoring me the day after that, though, I couldn't help but start feeling slightly disappointed. I thought talking things out would make him ease up, but apparently not. If anything, things were even worse. He didn't even acknowledge my existence when I felt closer to him than I had done in years.

When Friday rolled around and Harry still hadn't so much as looked my way, I started realizing that if anything were going to happen between us, I would have to be the one doing something about the situation.

We were having an interview with Capital FM in a few hours, but Patrick wanted us to come in earlier to go through a few things about the show that was starting in only a week now. We were all sitting on the couches in the lounge room, only the four of us since Patrick was still outside the room, talking to a man in the crew.

Nick and Harry were sitting opposite me and Perrie as usual, but neither of us was talking. Harry was busy staring at his hands, which were fiddling with a loose strand of his black hoodie while Nick was examining his movements, and Perrie was busy typing away on her phone. My gaze was stuck on Nick because something in his eyes told me he knew what was going on. I didn't know why I had never seen it before, but now that I knew Harry's side of the story, it suddenly became clear that he was aware of things.

I didn't know how to feel about this since it was clear as day that he didn't like me, and if Harry had told him what I did to him, then I could only imagine that it added to his hatred for me. It was also obvious that he had some kind of feelings for Harry - whether Harry knew about them or not - and if Nick knew what I had done to him, then he would probably see more of a reason why Harry should forget about me.

Boring my eyes into the side of Nick's face, I tried to make him look away from Harry. Unfortunately, I wasn't very successful, seeing as he just kept looking at Harry sympathetically, as if he knew everything that was going on inside his head. I was sure he most certainly didn't because even if Harry might have told him what happened, he wasn't one to spill every single one of his thoughts to people, not even the closest to him.

When we left the lounge room to eat lunch at a place across the street from the arena, I saw my chance. We were walking towards the exits, and Nick was talking to Perrie, walking in front of both me and Harry while I was right behind the curly-haired man. I picked up my pace to fall into step with him, our legs moving at the same pace right beside each other.

Through the corner of my eye, I could see how he clenched his jaw, and I knew it was because of my presence. It hurt, but I wasn't going to let that ruin the opportunity. So I inhaled a large breath and turned to look forward instead.

"You're still mad at me."

I knew he had a very good reason to be, but that didn't make it hurt any less. I wanted us to be able to at least talk to each other so that I could show and tell him how much I regretted doing what I did to him, but it was so hard when he wouldn't even look at me.

I also thought about the hug, if that was part of the reason he was ignoring me since he had stiffened when I wrapped my arms around him. I knew I shouldn't have done it since we clearly weren't at that stage in our relationship, but I couldn't help myself. I just missed being close to him so damn much.

He turned his face to me with furrowed eyebrows. When he didn't say anything, I let out a sigh. "And you're still ignoring me."

He nodded his head curtly then. "Correct," he confirmed with ease, not even hesitating.

Swallowing, I kept my gaze forward. "Can you tell me why?"

"Why?" He echoed. "I think you're forgetting something here." He paused to bite his lip with an unreadable look on his face. "You left me, Louis. You decided to believe the shit Simon told you, and you didn't even think of telling me about it. We could have talked it out, you know? We could have fixed things, but you just decided to shut me out without even giving me a chance."

A silence fell between us where I turned my gaze towards the ground, feeling my heart ache in my chest because I knew he was right. "I'm sorry."

"Well, that doesn't cut it," he muttered, his brows still furrowed.

His words felt like a stab in my heart, and the worst part of it was that I only had myself to blame. I knew that I should have informed him of what Simon told me that day, but at the time, I was so scared of what was to come, and I felt too pathetic to tell him about my concerns because he didn't know if his management would succeed in everything they wanted to do with him. I had seen my management treat me like shit, so I knew what they were capable of. They could easily force him to stop seeing me if they wanted to.

But I guess my fear of losing control was the real villain here. If I had just stayed and fought for our relationship, things might not have been like this today. I was just too afraid that I would get hurt if I were to stay, that he would be the one leaving me instead. What I didn't realize, though, was that it would hurt just as much to leave him before that could even happen.

I knew the best thing to do was let him walk alone after that, but I couldn't help but stay by his side because there was still one thing I wanted to ask him, even if it hurt to keep the conversation going. "Nick knows, doesn't he?" I asked hesitantly, glancing at the side of his face.

Harry shrugged his shoulders, keeping his gaze forward without even flicking his eyes towards me. "Not everything, but part of it, yes."

"I figured," I mumbled in return.

When he didn't reply, I let out a sigh and ran my hand through my hair. I then finally left him to walk by himself, keeping a fair distance between us.

Not long after that, we arrived at the diner across the street, and Harry and I ended up staying quiet throughout the entire meal. Nick and Perrie flicked their eyes between us suspiciously now and then, Nick seeming a bit more alarmed than Perrie, but they didn't say anything.

It wasn't until we left the place that Nick caught up with Harry to whisper something in his ear. The action - that unfolded right in front of me - made my stomach twist uncomfortably. I just couldn't help but hate the fact that he knew about what had happened between us, but also that it seemed so easy for him to talk to Harry when I couldn't even utter a word without him getting uncomfortable.

"Hey, are you okay, Lou?" Perrie asked, falling into step with me.

Shrugging my shoulders, I glanced at the side of her face. She sent me a look of concern, as if she knew what was going on. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, of course. I know you want to keep certain stuff to yourself."

I grimaced while nodding my head. "There are just a lot of things going on right now, I guess."

She made it seem like she understood what I meant by letting her lips form a smile. "And Harry's part of those things," she assumed. She didn't even have to ask.

"Maybe," I muttered, biting my lip.

The smile remained on her face, her teeth showing. "You're still in love with him, aren't you?"

My head snapped to her, my eyes widening. "Am I really that obvious?" I asked alarmed, fearing that I was.

She shrugged. "It's the way you look at him like he's the most fascinating thing you've ever seen, as if every move he makes should be memorized," she explained. "But I'd say the way you reacted when we talked about your pap pics in Ibiza exposed you enough for me to make the assumption."

"Hey," I huffed, nudging her in the side. "I wasn't that obvious."

She raised her eyebrows, letting out a chuckle. "You went all 'protective ex-boyfriend' on me when I talked about his body, and you also told me he pointed you out for starting at him. You weren't obvious at all."

I sent her a glare. "Whatever."

She let out another chuckle, nudging me in the side in return. It made my lips twitch, but I refused to let them form a genuine smile. "You're an ass, Perrie."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

We entered the building where the interview with Capital FM was going to take place in only an hour now. Harry and Nick were still walking ahead of us at a distance, where we couldn't hear them, and they couldn't hear us.

"So, how are things between you now?" Perrie asked, sounding a lot more serious than before.

I glanced at her through the corner of my eye while slumping my shoulders. "Still pretty bad," I replied in a mutter.

She pursed her lips, staring at Harry and Nick's backs. "So he's stubborn then?"

Shrugging, I looked down at the floor. "You could say so, I guess, but it's my fault. I treated him like shit before we broke up, so I know I deserve it."

Perrie was quiet for a little while before turning to me with a gentle smile. "So you'll just have to win him back then."

My lips did curl at her words this time. "I guess so."

Before we could say anything else, we entered the room where a grey couch pushed against one of the walls with an armchair of the same color in front of it. A few crew members were already there, getting the light and cameras ready. No interviewer or Patrick was in sight, though.

Harry and Nick walked over to sit down on the couch, me and Perrie following suit. I was about to sit down on one end of it when a crew member walked over, pointing at the couch. "Patrick wants you to sit as you do at the judges' table. He mentioned something about it being symmetric," he said, pulling his eyebrows together towards the end of the sentence.

I quirked an eyebrow and let out a huff. I wasn't so sure about the 'symmetric' thing. It sounded a lot more like he wanted us to sit that way because it left me and Harry with no other choice but to sit next to each other.

Through the corner of my eye, I could see Harry roll his eyes as if he was thinking the same thing before switching seats so that he was sitting on Nick's other side instead. I scooted over to him, feeling my heart flutter in my chest at his proximity.

The couch was barely big enough to fit us all, so we were all squashed together, making my and Harry's sides press against each other. I had barely been able to last that car ride in Ibiza when he was sitting so close to me, so I wondered how I was going to be able to sit this close to him for probably more than an hour.

While we waited for the interviewer to get there, I talked to Perrie while almost being too aware of Harry's body that I could feel move against mine every time he shifted in his seat. It was disturbing since I lost my train of thought every time it happened, and it didn't make things better that Perrie kept smirking at me as if she knew what was going on.

Thankfully, the interviewer arrived five minutes later, sitting down in the armchair in front of us with a few cards in her hands. I didn't recognize her, but she looked around my age with black, shiny hair falling down her shoulders. She was wearing a black suit, which made her look elegant. It suited her really well.

"I'm so glad to have the opportunity to talk to you guys. You must have a lot of things going on right now, am I right?" She asked with a smile on her face.

Nick nodded. "I'd say this week in particular has been pretty hectic. The live shows are coming up too, so I'm sure things won't exactly calm down, but it's fun," he replied, throwing his arm out on the backrest behind Harry's shoulders.

"I see," the interviewer replied. "I'm sure you've been asked this question many times this week, but what do you have to say about the contestants this year?"

Harry cleared his throat, shifting in his seat yet again. I tried to keep a straight face as his thigh brushed against mine. "They've got great potential, I'd say. I'm sure this year will be one to remember."

"I'm sure people will love to hear that," she smiled gently, switching cards in her hands. "I was thinking about asking a few more personal questions now. Perrie, you've been working without the girls for a few months. How does that feel?"

Perrie pursed her lips. "Obviously, it feels pretty weird. We've been working together for seven years now and barely taken a break from it, so I miss them a lot, but they're thankfully never more than a phone call away," she replied, cracking a small smile.

"So these people haven't been a pain in the ass to work with then?" The interviewer joked, flicking her eyes between the three of us.

Perrie's face turned into a look of amusement. "Oh, yes. They're terrible, especially Louis. You should know how much he likes to complain about stuff. Can't go a day without hearing him whine about something."

My mouth dropped open. "What are you talking about? I do not complain."

Nick went to open his mouth, probably to protest, but Harry elbowed him subtly in the side, making him shut it again.

"I'm just kidding, Louis. You're my favorite person here," she smiled brightly, pulling me into a side hug.

"That's more like it," I muttered into her neck, making her chuckle.

The interviewer seemed amused by our banter judging by the look on her face, her curled lips and her shining eyes. "I'll take it as you're getting along pretty well with each other."

Nick cleared his throat noticeably, which made me want to go over and smack him in the back of his head, but the pointed look Harry sent him seemed to be enough for him to keep his mouth shut. "We get along just fine," Harry replied, pressing his lips into a thin line.

The woman nodded as she looked down at her cards. "So, Louis, you're back together with your childhood sweetheart, Eleanor. How's that worked out for you?"

My eyes widened at her question because I wasn't expecting it at all. It seemed like Harry wasn't either if the way his thigh muscles tensed was anything to go by. His features seemed to have frozen as well as he stared at the woman in front of him.

"I... Yeah, we've been back together for a while now, and it's going well. She's a great girl," I replied, only having to lie about the first part.

Through the corner of my eye, I could see Harry swallowing, and I had to force myself not to turn my head and look at him. It would be too obvious, and I didn't want to deal with having people speculating. They were probably going to analyze every move Harry made when I was asked the question anyway.

"That's great to hear. Is there anyone else of you who would consider going back to an ex... Harry?"

It took a while before the curly-haired man opened his mouth, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about what he was going to say. His answer would be important because, as far as I knew, I was one of few exes he had, and since we had been dating for five years, I must have popped up in his head when he was asked the question.

"I honestly don't know, but it depends, I guess?"

It felt like all air was knocked out of my lungs. What did he mean by that?

"Would you like to explain yourself further?" The interviewer asked, seeming curious by the way she put her chin in the palm of her hand and her eyes widening.

Harry shrugged. "I guess it depends on the reason for the breakup and what I feel about the person now," he explained, and judging from the way he kept playing with his rings, I could tell he was uncomfortable by the situation.

"Alright, I see," she said, nodding appreciatingly. "We'll see if any of your exes are lucky enough to get you back then."

It was meant to be a joke, but everyone sitting on the couch was dead silent and didn't move a muscle. She didn't seem to notice this since she was too busy going over her cards, but I could feel the tension hanging in the air clearly, and I just wanted to disappear. Couldn't we talk about something else instead?

When she finally looked back up at us, her lips twitched slightly. "Harry and Louis. You've been spotted with your bandmates this summer. So, I'm going to ask the question everyone is dying to know; are you planning a reunion?"

I mentally breathed out a sigh of relief at the change of topic. Harry opened his mouth to reply, but I beat him to it. "As of now, there's no reunion planned. We were just hanging out together as friends," I explained.

The interviewer's lips formed an 'o'. "So there's no chance it'll happen soon?"

Harry shook his head. "No, unfortunately not."

She seemed disappointed by our answer, which was understandable since we all knew how much people wanted a reunion, but it couldn't happen yet. Neither of us was at that stage in our careers right now.

The interview didn't last much longer after that. She asked a few more questions, then the cameras were turned off, and she left with a 'thank you' and 'goodbye'. Meanwhile, we got up from the couch and stretched our bones after sitting squished together for so long.

We went our separate ways a few minutes later since the interview was the only thing we had planned for the day. I couldn't help but let my eyes linger on Harry's figure as he walked out the door of the room, his curls bouncing gently on top of his head with his every step. He was just about to disappear when he turned his head around, his green eyes locking with mine for a split second.

And yes, butterflies erupted in my stomach this time too, just like they did every time our eyes met.

-----

When I came home that afternoon, the first thing I did was go out on a long walk with Clifford. I needed to clear my head. It felt like this day had been going on for ages, even if we only had the Capital FM interview. A lot of things had happened these past few hours, though, more than what had happened the entire week together.

It was the first time Harry and I even talked since he came to my house and discussed what happened between us. Not that it really led to anything. It was as though he had built up all these walls that were impossible to break down, although it felt like I had been close when we talked about our breakup. Now it felt like we had never even had that discussion, though, and it bugged me that he couldn't be more open with me, even if I knew why he couldn't. I just wanted to find a way to get through to him.

When I returned home, I sat down on my couch with my song notebook. I opened a blank page and picked up my pen to start writing. It felt like my only escape right now, and for the first time in a couple of weeks, I knew exactly what to write about.

Chapter Text

A week later, it was time for the first live show. We had worked all week with our acts, trying our best to make everything perfect for what was to come. I wasn't the best choreographer, so I stayed away from everything that had to do with that and handed it over to the people who were hired for the job. Instead, I helped the acts with their songs, who should sing what part, and what to think about when performing on stage. I also tried to boost their confidence because even if they had performed in front of us before, this was going to be live for the first time.

Other than that, the week had been relatively uneventful. Harry was still holding a grudge against me, and it was making me sadder every day that passed. I understood that he was mad at me, but did he have to pretend like I didn't exist?

On another note, Perrie and I had grown a bit closer. I didn't know that only her knowing about my feelings for Harry would make us talk more, but it seemed like it. It was such a relief to let out what I felt about my and Harry's situation to someone I didn't only talk to over the phone, and Perrie was an excellent choice.

Lottie had come over on Wednesday too. It was nice to speak to her after everything I had told her that day. I loved how she was so understanding since I didn't think she would be at first. She had always been quite pushy when it came to Harry, telling me to get in touch with him and make up with him, but she just made sure to be there and not pressure me into anything. "You'll do it when you're ready," she had told me with a smile on her face. "He's not going anywhere yet in another few months."

The thing was, having to be around Harry every day without being able to talk to him was getting more and more frustrating every day, so the feeling of wanting to do something about it was only growing stronger.

"Louis, you're on in thirty minutes."

I was standing by the open window in the lounge room, smoking a cigarette to calm my nerves. I didn't expect to feel this nervous since I would only be a judge in the show this time, but a live show was always a live show. There was no room for any mistakes. Besides, I hadn't been on live television in years. So it felt like the first time all over again.

Turning around, I found Logan standing by the door, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. "Are you hiding?" He smirked, making me roll my eyes.

Exhaling a puff of smoke, I shook my head. "I just needed a smoke before the show."

It was partly true because, in all honesty, I had been smoking more than usual these past few weeks after everything that had happened between me and Harry, so I did need a smoke before heading into the arena.

"I see," he smiled, making no move to leave. "It's okay to be nervous, you know?"

I let out a snort, averting my gaze to look out the window. "The nervosity is for the contestants, not the judges."

"It's still live," he pointed out, and when I turned back to look at him, I could see that he was still smiling gently at me.

I huffed, taking another drag of my cigarette. "It's not that bad, though. I just needed to be alone for a while before the show," I shrugged carelessly.

"Fair enough."

A tentative smile formed on my lips. "What are you even doing here? Aren't you supposed to be working?" I wondered, raising my eyebrows at him questioningly.

Logan narrowed his eyes, an amused glint shining in them. "Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for the show?" He fired back challengingly.

"Touché," I mumbled, my lips twitching. "Thank you for telling me I'll have to be in the arena soon, though."

I put out my cigarette and tossed it out the window. I then pushed myself off the windowsill to walk past Logan in the doorway. "It was nice of you," I smiled before walking off, feeling him watch my figure as I strutted away.

"You're welcome, Lou."

It felt weird to hear him call me by my nickname for some reason. I was aware that many people did, but they were people who were close to me. I didn't know if I considered Logan close. I mean, sure, we had known each other for a few months now, but we hadn't talked that much, and I didn't see him as more than a regular friend.

When I arrived at the dressing room, I noticed that Perrie and Nick were already there along with the stylists.

Perrie was the first one to acknowledge my arrival, her eyes widening. "Where have you been? We're supposed to be on in twenty minutes," she asked, her voice alarmed.

I shrugged my shoulders, pointing behind my back. "I was just having a smoke," I explained, looking around the room. "Where's Harry? Shouldn't he already be here too?"

Nick turned to me, his eyes looking deeply into mine. "He was here a second ago, said he was just going to use the toilet," he replied in a mutter.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I sat down in the seat to let the stylists start getting me ready for the show. I could feel both Perrie and Nick staring at me as I did this. It was uncomfortable. It was as if they had just witnessed me break the law. Before I could ask them about it, though, the fourth judge entered the room.

The first thing I noticed was his hair. It was standing in every direction, his curls a messy mop on his head instead of falling beautifully. It was as if he had run his hands through it too many times, but the question was why he would do it when he knew we were going to be on live television in only twenty minutes.

I could hear one of the stylists let out a gasp at the same second Harry's eyes found me sitting on one of the chairs. He didn't seem to acknowledge the stylist as his eyes bore into mine with an unreadable look on his face. A sudden feeling of guilt hit me, but I didn't know why. Something about the way he looked at me made me feel as if I had just done something wrong.

"Come here, Harry. You can't go out like that," the stylist groaned.

He looked away from me then, and the last thing I noticed before he disappeared behind my back was how he ran his hands over his face in what seemed like pure frustration.

-----

During the first half of the show, Harry didn't acknowledge me whatsoever, which didn't really surprise me at this point. It still saddened me, though, and the way he made it so obvious only added to it. He wouldn't agree with me in any situation, yet he didn't disagree with me either. He just kept quiet or said something completely different about the matter instead. As if that wasn't enough, he turned to Nick whenever they cut for a break, making it even more obvious that he was ignoring me.

The more time that passed, the more I realized that I would have to be the one doing something about our situation since it was evident he didn't want things to change between us. He seemed pretty happy with avoiding me, which I understood. I would want to avoid me too if I were him, but I just hoped he would be showing at least a little bit of interest in wanting to get to know me again.

While Harry kept talking to Nick, and Perrie was away to speak to one of her acts, I went onto Twitter to see what everyone was saying about the show. It was the first night it was live after all, so I was curious to see their reactions.

The first few tweets my eyes landed on were about the acts, discussing their performances and singing capabilities. I continued scrolling down until I found one saying it was weird to see only one group member of Little Mix and two of One Direction. They were probably used to seeing one of us by now, I reckoned, but not two, and especially not me and Harry.

@LouxHarry: I can't believe Harry and Louis are two of the judges. This is a dream come true!

@HazzalovesLou: Just seeing them sitting next to each other makes me want to cry. We've been waiting ages for this!

@Larryforever28: Just look at the way their anchor and rope tattoos aline!

A picture of my and Harry's wrists was attached to the last tweet. It was a screenshot of tonight's show where we were resting our forearms against the judge's table, and since we were sitting next to each other, there wasn't much space between them. If this person hadn't mentioned it, I probably wouldn't have even thought about the fact that we were sitting so close. But seeing our tattoos in the same picture like this made my heart clench. It also made me think of how happy and naive we had been when we decided to have them tattooed in the first place.

A feeling of bittersweetness hit me as I continued staring at the picture, my heart sinking deeper and deeper in my chest. I shouldn't do this to myself. I shouldn't even read these types of tweets in the first place, but how could I not when every fan out there who still supported me and Harry made me happy?

Dermot announced that the break was over a few seconds later, leaving me with no other choice but to exit the app. It was probably for the best anyway. Despite that, I couldn't help but think about the picture as Harry turned back around in his seat and placed his arm on the table again. My eyes locked on our tattoos that were so close yet so far away. If I only moved my hand a little bit to the right, no one would be able to deny the fact that our tattoos were on those particular spots for a reason.

Eventually, I managed to focus on the show again. I had noticed pretty quickly that my nervosity had been for nothing because the second Dermot introduced the first act, all nerves had left my body, and it felt like I was doing something I had done plenty of times before, which was partly true. We had been recording the show for a few months now, even if it wasn't live. I had also done a lot of live concerts and interviews with One Direction in the past, which helped a lot.

The second the show was over, and the first act had left the competition (a woman in the overs category), we headed backstage to the lounge room. The crew members were in the process of cleaning the stage as we did so, making so much noise that we quickly closed the door behind us as we entered the room.

"Amazing job today, guys. You did really well out there," Patrick complimented as the four of us sat down on the two couches in the room. "I'm not going to say much more than that. I'm pretty sure you are all as exhausted as I am."

My lips twitched at his words. "Thank you, Patrick. See you on Tuesday then?"

"For sure," he replied with a smile before quickly leaving the room again.

Nick raised his eyebrows at the now-closed door. "Jesus, he must have a stressful life if he's that tired on a Saturday evening," Nick commented, rolling his eyes.

Perrie quirked a brow at him. "He's got three kids. I'm pretty sure you would be just as tired as him if you did too," she said, giving him a pointed look.

"Ooh," I chuckled, reaching up to give her a high-five as Nick muttered something incomprehensible under his breath.

Harry pursed his lips, seeming a bit zoned out. "Kids or not, I'm tired as hell too, so I'm heading home as well," he announced, getting up from the couch.

My eyes followed his movements as my mind started spinning, contemplating what to do about the situation. Meanwhile, I noticed that Perrie and Nick kept quiet, not even reacting to his words, which I found a bit weird. But without giving it another thought, I turned back just in time to see Harry walk out of the room, and I didn't think twice when I got up from the couch to follow him, praying that Perrie and Nick wouldn't do the same.

To my surprise, I spotted him directly when I entered the hallway because instead of walking towards the exits that I had assumed he would be doing, he was leaning against the wall a few yards away, his gaze stuck on the phone in his hands.

It was now or never.

Swallowing, I inhaled a large breath before slowly walking over, afraid he would leave as soon as he noticed it was me. He looked up the second I was standing right in front of him, and I could instantly see how his features changed, a crease forming between his eyebrows. He pushed himself off the wall and made a move to leave - as presumed - but I reached out to grab his arm, making him stop abruptly.

"Are you going to ignore me forever?"

He turned around slowly, the frown remaining on his face. He didn't say anything, though. He just kept his eyes on a spot behind me.

"Harry, please answer me," I pleaded, feeling desperate to make things better between us because I couldn't handle going around feeling this guilty and sad much longer. I at least needed to be able to talk to him.

It took almost thirty seconds until he finally opened his mouth. "It's easier this way."

I looked at him in confusion, searching his features. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged his shoulders, still avoiding eye contact. "It just is."

Furrowing my brows, I shook my head. "What? I mean, I get that you're mad at me, but for how long are you going to hold it against me without talking about it?"

His green eyes eventually found mine then, but it wasn't in a way I would have liked. Instead of looking at me with a smile, he sent me a glare. "You don't understand, Louis. It's not only about the fact that I'm upset about what you did to me. That would be stupid."

I pulled my eyebrows together even further, feeling more confused. "Then what is it?"

His green irises stared deeper into my own for a second until his face fell, looking as though he had been punched in the face. I hated that look. It made me feel sick. It made me want to punch myself. How could one person make you feel so guilty?

"I just... can't," he said, his eyebrows furrowing.

I stared at him for a long time, my mouth slightly open as I studied his features. He wasn't looking at me anymore, though. His gaze was focused on something behind me, something I didn't care about because I couldn't concentrate on anything but him.

What was he trying to say? What was there to say that he couldn't tell me? Was it something he was ashamed of? Or was it something that hurt him so badly that he couldn't tell me? No matter what, it was obvious that it was about something that had to do with me.

"I'm sorry for taking so long. I had to exchange a few words with Roger."

Every muscle in my body tensed at the voice, my heart coming to an abrupt stop. Things didn't get better when the girl came into view, stopping beside Harry with an apologetic smile on her face. "Are you ready to go?" Leah asked.

I didn't know if she had noticed me standing there, but she didn't turn to me until then, her lips still twitched in a smile. "Hi, Louis," she greeted.

Swallowing hard, I cleared my throat. "Hey," I managed to let out, somewhat proud that I didn't sound harsh.

She turned back to Harry, who had an unreadable look on his face now, his features hardened and his eyes distant. I could feel my heart sink as everything started processing in my head, my face falling as I kept staring at him. "That's how tired you were," I muttered as a sudden feeling of wanting to leave hit me.

Leah furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "You're tired? We could always-"

"I'm fine," Harry cut her off, a forced smile forming on his lips. "Louis and I were just saying goodnight since we're parting ways."

Leah's mouth formed the shape of an 'o' as my heart sunk even deeper. I couldn't look at him any longer. I didn't know if I even wanted to look at him. I hadn't felt this way in a long time, and I was not planning to stay only to get even more hurt.

"I should... go. Have a good... night." I said hesitantly before walking away, not even looking back to see Harry's reaction. He probably didn't care anyway. He had probably already forgotten we had talked in the first place.

As I made my way out to my car, I could feel silent tears leaving my eyes, my heart heavy in my chest. I had always hated crying, but after everything I had been through with my and Harry's breakup and my mum passing away, I had come to realize that it wasn't a bad thing to show vulnerability. Letting your tears out made it easier to process things, and this situation was no exception.

Thankfully, I didn't meet any fans on my way to the parking lot, so I got to my car without bumping into anyone. As I closed the door behind me, I leaned down to rest my forehead against the wheel, squeezing my eyes shut. The image of Harry and Leah walking out of the arena together, smiling and laughing, played on my retina, and it made me feel sick. It made me want to pull my hair out of its roots.

I thought he wasn't interested in her. I thought he turned her down because he didn't want to go out with her. What happened that made him change his mind? Because I was positive having dinner with us had been an excuse not to go out with her. I couldn't see why he would rather have dinner with us than go on a date with her otherwise.

With a heavy sigh, I turned on the engine and drove away, making sure not to look back in case I would find Harry and Leah walking out of the arena, making the image in my head become a reality.

On my way home, I tried my best not to think about them, but it would be stupid of me to believe that I would succeed. Instead, my mind was harsh on me and created scenes of them together, making the situation even worse. I tried to tell myself that I shouldn't be upset about it, considering Harry and I weren't dating anymore, but I was still in love with him, which meant the jealousy was still there no matter what.

I couldn't picture him with someone else without getting upset about it, and much less Leah. I didn't know why it hurt more that it was her particularly, but maybe it was because I had seen them together before, at the Italian restaurant and the pub in Ibiza, and I hated it. It wasn't that she was a bad person because she hadn't done anything for me to accuse her of that, but just the thought of her being with Harry made me dislike her more than she deserved.

When I eventually arrived home, I got out of my car and walked into the house, greeting Clifford quickly before sitting down on the couch in my living room, hunched over with my head in my hands, my cheeks wet with tears.

There was one person I always used to talk to whenever Harry and I either had big or small disagreements in the past, someone that would always come with great advice, but that person wasn't in my life anymore. We hadn't talked in years, and I wouldn't get in touch with them only because of this, even if the idea was tempting. They would probably not pick up the phone anyway, so it would most likely be to no avail.

I could call Liam, though, but he always thought about what was best for the both of us. Even if he wanted me and Harry to make up, he didn't want to cause any drama, especially not if there were other people involved. The other person was usually on my side with everything, even if they cared about Harry too. I guess we were just closer than I had been with anyone else, except for Harry, of course.

In the end, I didn't call anyone. I didn't even call Lottie because I didn't want to be a bother. I had already piled a lot on her, what with everything else happening lately. And she didn't need to worry about me even more than she already did.

Instead, I ended up falling asleep on my couch with my arms wrapped around my dog, and I realized that he was the only one in my life that I could count on one-hundred percent because no matter what, Clifford would always be there for me.

Chapter Text

"You want another one?"

I looked at the bartender in front of me, the way her eyebrows were raised in a questioning manner, and thought about it. No, that was a lie. I didn't think about it. I wasn't thinking at all. "Sure, why not?" I replied.

I didn't know how, but somehow, I had ended up at a pub. It was the night after I had learned that Harry and Leah were apparently dating, and I hadn't been able to think straight since. I couldn't fall asleep last night, even if I had been cuddling Clifford the entire time. My mind wouldn't let me stop thinking about it, which was the only reason I was out on a Sunday. The alcohol and being around other people were the only things that had managed to make me get on other thoughts.

"Here you go," the bartender said, placing a glass of whiskey on the counter in front of me.

I looked up at her, a lazy smile forming on my lips. "Thanks."

Taking a sip of the strong liquid, I grimaced as the taste hit my tongue. I usually didn't like whiskey, but tonight felt like a great time to consume it since it was one of the strongest alcoholic beverages.

I took another few sips before placing the glass back on the counter.

"How come someone as good-looking as you is sitting here all by yourself?"

I turned my head to the guy who had joined me, eyeing him quite openly. He had short, sand-colored hair and chocolate brown eyes. By the looks of it, he didn't seem very tall, but he was pretty lanky, making him look taller than he was. Even if he wasn't exactly my type of guy, I couldn't deny that he was attractive.

Shrugging my shoulders, I let another lazy smile form on my lips. "Great question. I guess no one has acknowledged me yet," I tried to joke, but I didn't manage to make it sound very funny.

He raised his eyebrows in amusement anyway. "Not until now then."

"I guess not," I smiled, happy that this guy didn't seem to recognize me because I didn't feel like dealing with that right now.

I took another sip of my whiskey as the guy ordered a drink himself. "So, how come you're here on a Sunday night?" He asked, turning to glance at me.

Pursing my lips, I furrowed my eyebrows. "Just needed to get out of the house," I replied, and it was only a half-lie because I did want to get out of my house, but I was mostly here to distract myself from my thoughts.

"I feel you."

His answer caught me slightly off guard, but I was too drunk to think too much about what he was referring to. "Trouble in paradise?" I settled with, raising my eyebrows at him.

He let out a light chuckle. "Yeah, something like that."

The guy received his drink then, and he didn't hesitate to take a large gulp of it. I blinked at the sight, realizing that this guy probably had bigger problems than I could imagine. "So, what's your name?" I asked, trying to get the conversation going. He was a great distraction.

"Jamie, you?"

"I'm Louis," I smiled, but it didn't reach my eyes. Drunken smiles just had the effect of not being genuine, or it was because of other reasons in my case.

Jamie nodded, his lips twitching. "Nice to meet you, Louis," he said, taking three more large gulps of his drink. He had almost finished it already.

I took another sip of my whiskey, studying his movements. "You too."

During the next hour, I found out that it wasn't a relationship he was having problems with, but his mum was sick and on the verge of dying. The reason he needed to get out of the house was to get rid of all the thoughts that were circling his head, just like how it was for me. I told him I knew the feeling since I had lost my mum two years ago, and I was pretty sure he felt a lot better knowing someone else had gone through the same tough situation as him.

When we had been talking for what felt like hours but was probably only an hour and a half, we were so drunk that we couldn't speak without turning into a laughing mess. I was leaning my head on his shoulder as chuckles escaped my lips.

"Come on, Louis. Let's go dance while we're still capable of it," Jamie suggested, pulling at my arm to get me to stand up from my stool.

I let out a loud groan, not feeling in the mood to dance. "I can't danccce," I objected, leaning down to rest my head on the countertop instead since his shoulder wasn't available anymore.

"Of course you can. Everyone can dance. Come on. It'll be fun."

Letting out another groan, I reluctantly got up from the stool to follow him to the dance floor. He had a gentle grip around my wrist in order to not lose me, but I was sure I needed a lot more support than that to keep myself upright. I stumbled into a lot of bodies on the way, having to apologize at least ten times until we finally made it to an empty spot on the dance floor.

The first thing Jamie did was wrap his arms around my waist, pulling me close to his body. The action took me by surprise. I didn't expect him to make such a bold move so quickly, but I placed my hands on his shoulders anyway, only then realizing that we were almost the same height.

An uptempo song was playing from the speakers, and I expected Jamie to start moving along to it since he had been so excited to dance, but he kept his arms around my waist, gazing into my eyes with a smile on his lips, not making any move to start dancing. We just swayed gently to the upbeat song.

I was about to question him about it when he leaned in against my ear. "If I'm honest, I just wanted a reason to be closer to you," he chuckled, his breath hitting my skin.

His words made my breath hitch in my throat, and I suddenly didn't know how to feel. I didn't know whether to be excited or uncomfortable because I hadn't been in a situation like this in years, if ever. I had never been the type of guy who went out only to hit up a guy and take him home. It wasn't my thing at all, but at the same time, I was sad. I needed a distraction from what was going on in my life at the moment.

Therefore, I didn't say anything when he kept close to my ear, his breath fanning my skin as he moved further down. His lips found my neck, pressing down gently as his grip on my waist tightened. I inhaled a deep breath, gripping his t-shirt at his shoulders.

It wasn't uncomfortable, but it was unfamiliar. It didn't feel right. And as he started sucking on my skin, moving up towards my jaw, I couldn't help but feel how wrong it was because it wasn't the pair of lips I was used to. They weren't Harry's. They were a stranger's, a stranger whom I barely knew a thing about other than the fact that his mum was about to die.

My body went completely rigid as this realization hit me, and I quickly pushed Jamie away from me, making sure not to be too harsh. "I'm so sorry. I can't do this," I breathed out, shaking my head as I turned around to run away from him, or more like stumble because my vision was still quite blurry, which made it hard to walk straight.

I eventually found my way to the bathroom, my heart thumping in my chest while heavy pants escaped my lips. I was exhausted and could feel my head spinning as I stared at my reflection in the mirror, my eyes glazed over.

Fuck.

My point in coming here in the first place was to get rid of all the thoughts about Harry, not be reminded of them. But it was too late now, and somehow, I found myself yearning for him even more. Having Jamie's lips pressed against my neck only made me miss the feeling of Harry's lips pressed to my skin, the way he was always so gentle with me, his lips the softest and gentlest as he kissed me over and over. If I just closed my eyes, I was sure I would be able to imagine his touch.

Running a hand through my unruly hair, I let out a sob, tears welling up in my eyes. If I had been sober in this situation, I would have told myself what a fucking idiot I was for thinking about him like this and forced the images out of my head, but I wasn't sober. I was drunk, and my drunk self wanted the opposite. My drunk self wanted more than just images, and fuck, I couldn't stop myself when I fished my phone from the back pocket of my jeans.

I was lucky to be alone in the bathroom because if anyone saw me now, they would probably think there was something wrong with me, what with me standing in front of the mirror with tears in my eyes and my phone in my shaking hands. I was a mess, but I didn't care as I unlocked my phone and went to my contacts. I didn't even hesitate when I clicked on the familiar name, knowing I was stupid and that he probably wouldn't pick up. And even if he did pick up, he probably wouldn't give a damn.

"Hello?"

My breath hitched in my throat at the beautiful voice, my heart racing even faster in my chest. I understood then that I hadn't expected him to pick up because I suddenly felt at a loss for words.

"Louis, are you there?"

Tears started rolling down my cheeks, my breathing getting heavier as I heard him call me my name. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." I trailed off, inhaling a deep breath. It felt like I had just run a marathon.

"Louis, where are you?" Harry asked, his voice turning alarmed.

I let out a sniffle, feeling so weak that I wanted to close in on myself and curl into a ball on the tile floor in the bathroom. How could I think it would be a good idea to call him? "I'm sorry I called. I should... leave you alone."

I was about to take the phone from my ear and end the call when his voice was heard on the other end. "Don't hang up on me, Louis. Did something happen? Are you hurt?" He asked, now sounding really worried.

Shaking my head, I inhaled another large breath. "No, not hurt, just... drunk," I groaned. "I'm sorry, Harry. I'll hang up now and-"

"Tell me where you are," he demanded, making me furrow my eyebrows.

"Why?" I mumbled, feeling embarrassed.

He let out a frustrated groan on the other end. "I swear to god, Louis, just tell me where you are."

I looked up at the ceiling, wiping my wet cheeks with the back of my hand. "At XXL," I breathed out eventually, feeling incredibly pathetic all of a sudden. He must think that I couldn't take care of myself.

"I'll be there in fifteen."

With that said, he ended the call, the line going completely dead in my ear. I could only stare in front of me, my mouth ajar as I thought of what had just happened. It didn't quite register in my mind that Harry was actually on his way here to pick me up. Just the other day, I had seen him leave with a girl right in front of my eyes, and now he was coming to pick me up at a club?

"Oh, God," I breathed out, running my hands over my face after sliding my phone back into my pocket. "What the fuck have I done?"

After staring at my reflection for at least five minutes, I started realizing that I had better get going because if Harry were coming here to pick me up, he would most likely look for me if I wasn't outside when he arrived.

Feeling a bit more sober after what had just happened, I found it easier to walk towards the exit. I didn't bump into even half as many people as I did on my way to the dance floor earlier. Thankfully, I didn't cross paths with Jamie either, which I knew would have been awkward. I felt bad for him, though, because I had kind of led him on only to leave him so abruptly.

Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I walked out into the dark night, hugging my jean jacket closer to my body to keep as warm as possible. It was still pretty warm during the days, but the nights were getting colder, and it was windy tonight as well, making it even worse.

I lit a cigarette while waiting for Harry, leaning against the brick wall of the building. There were a few other people out here as well, but none of them acknowledged me, which I was thankful for. I didn't need any more drama tonight. Everything that had happened so far and having Harry come pick me up now was dramatic enough.

It didn't take long until Harry's black Range Rover pulled over on the sidewalk, the tires screeching against the ground as he hit the brakes. I could feel my heart flutter in my chest as I caught sight of him in the driver's seat, his eyes directed at me. I didn't waste a second to drop my cigarette on the ground and stomp it out before getting into the passenger seat, closing the door behind me.

The car instantly erupted in silence, a tensioned filled one. The radio wasn't even on, making things even worse. I didn't dare look at him, too afraid of what emotion his face would be showing, and he didn't look at me either as he started driving away, keeping an average speed now.

It wasn't until at least two minutes later that I broke the silence, feeling like I would go insane if we were quiet for even a second longer. "I'm sorry I called you," I apologized, feeling more sober than I had done in hours.

Through the corner of my eye, I could see him swallowing hard. He didn't say anything, though, which made me look down at my lap, fiddling with my fingers awkwardly. I hated this. I hated being like this with him. Why did things have to be so fucking complicated between us?

"I mean, I know you hate me, and-"

"I don't hate you," he said, cutting me off while snapping his eyes to me, his features impossible to read.

I swallowed, meeting his gaze momentarily before looking away again. "Somehow, I find that hard to believe," I mumbled, looking out the side window, my heart heavy in my chest.

He let out a sigh, running a hand through his dark curls. "I don't hate you, Louis," he repeated, glancing at me again. "I could never do that."

My heart raced in my chest as I turned to look at him, seeing the honesty in his green eyes. He looked sad. He looked broken. If I were honest, he showed more emotions than he had done the last few months altogether.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I hugged my arms around my body. "Then why won't you even try giving me a chance? You've barely looked at me since we talked about our breakup," I mumbled, finally letting myself express just how affected I was by his actions these past two weeks. I had kept most of my feelings inside, but I was hurt. I thought things would get better after we talked about it, at least a little bit.

He let out another sigh. "I'm sorry about that. I just... It's easier this way."

I turned to look at him with furrowed brows. "What is easier, Harry? It's so frustrating to hear you say those words when I don't understand what they mean," I asked, my voice pleading.

He fiddled with his fingers on the wheel, his face turning sad again. "I'm scared," he confessed, and when he turned to look at me, his eyes were filled with pain.

Scared of what? I wanted to ask, but somehow, I had a feeling I understood what he meant because he wasn't the only one. "Well, I'm scared too, Harry, fucking terrified," I replied in a breath, relaxing in my seat.

He shook his head, tears brimming his eyes now. "No, you don't understand, Louis," he disagreed, pulling over outside my house. He cut off the engine and turned so that his body was facing me, his eyes looking deeply into mine. "You're the only person in this world who's capable of breaking me to the point where I can no longer see a reason to keep living. When you left me, I felt so much mental pain that I was sure I was going to fucking die. I remember lying in bed, praying every day that you would come back and tell me it was a joke, that you would never even think of leaving me, but you never did. I just... I'm so scared to feel that way again, and I feel like ignoring you is the safest way for it to not repeat itself."

Silent tears rolled down my eyes as I stared at him, my heart clenching in my chest. Seeing him this vulnerable and hurt made me ask myself again how on earth I could have even thought of leaving him. How could I have thought things would get better? How could I have doubted his love for me? I knew he loved me. I should have known he wouldn't leave me just because he would be under a different record label and a solo artist.

"But I'm sorry for making you think I cheated on you. I just... I didn't know what I was doing. I just wanted you to be as hurt as I was, even if I never expected you to believe me. But it was wrong of me to lie. I'm sorry about that," he added.

I shook my head. "No, don't say that. You were right. I would have left you even if you never told me that. It added fuel to the fire, yes, but I was the stupid one in the first place. If I had never listened to Simon, we wouldn't even be in the situation to begin with," I said, my eyebrows furrowing. "So, I'm the one who's sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for leaving you, for putting you through all that shit. I just... I don't know what to say..." I trailed off, my voice breaking as the tears started running down my cheeks.

Harry didn't say anything, but I could see that a few tears were rolling down his cheeks as well, but he wasn't crying even half as bad as I was. I was positive the alcohol added to it, but no words could describe how sorry I was for putting this perfect human being through so much pain. Harry deserved the best. He deserved the fucking world, and I had been stupid enough to leave him.

Once I had calmed down, I turned to him with a sad smile on my lips, probably looking more like a grimace. "So, how did things go with Leah yesterday?" I asked, changing topics. I was pretty sure I didn't want to know, but if it meant I would see him happy for just a second, I was willing to go through with it.

He shrugged his shoulders, something weird flashing through his eyes. "It was alright, I guess. We're going out again next week."

A large knot formed in my stomach as I nodded my head, forcing the smile to remain on my lips. "That's great. I'm uh... I'm happy for you."

He looked away from me, his features impossible to read. "I see you've got someone yourself," he mumbled.

My hand flew up to my neck on instinct, remembering that Jamie had probably left a hickey there earlier. Swallowing, I looked down at my lap. "Not really..."

He turned to me then, narrowing his eyes at the side of my face. "Wait. You told me nothing happened. Did someone do that to you without consent?" He asked, his voice turning alarmed.

I shook my head. "No, it wasn't like that. I just... It didn't feel right," I admitted, looking at him hesitantly. "So, I walked away and..."

"And called me," Harry finished, pulling his eyebrows together.

I could tell he knew what I had been thinking at the time, but he probably didn't know what to do with this fact. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done that. I didn't think you would pick up, and-"

"No, I'm glad you did," he said, his voice void of emotion. "You shouldn't put yourself in risky situations."

I pulled my eyebrows together while looking at him. "It wasn't risky. I was doing fine," I muttered.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "That's why you cried when you called me? I thought something had happened to you."

I let out a huff, looking away from him.

We were quiet for the next couple of seconds, and I started wondering if he was only waiting for me to get out of the car since he wasn't making any sign of wanting to continue talking to me. But I couldn't leave him knowing things would go back to how they had been this week.

"Are you still going to ignore me after tonight?" I mumbled, looking down at my lap.

I could see him scowling through the corner of my eye, a sign that he was thinking about it. Nerves started building up in my stomach as he took his time to reply, his hands dropping from the wheel.

"I know I probably should, but I don't know if I can..." He trailed off, glancing at me hesitantly.

My lips twitched at his words, and I couldn't help the racing of my heart. "I know saying this probably won't make things better, but I want you to know that I would never do anything to hurt you the way I did again. You have no idea how much I regret it, and I don't want you to be scared of spending time with me just because you think I'll make you feel that way again. I don't know how to make you trust me, but I'm willing to do anything I can because I... I just miss you so much," I admitted, biting my bottom lip harshly in order not to start crying again.

He sent me a sad smile. "I miss you too, Lou."

My heart did a double-take at the nickname.

Lou.

He hadn't called me that in years, let alone spoken the words 'I miss you'. Words couldn't describe how happy it made me feel. And hearing him call me by my nickname couldn't compare to how it had sounded coming from Logan yesterday. I wanted to hug him, but I knew I couldn't if I didn't want to scare him away.

"I'll see you on Tuesday?" I wondered, glancing at him.

He nodded, giving me a smile that almost seemed a bit playful. "Take care until then so that I won't have to pick you up in the middle of the night again."

I shook my head, letting a smile break out on my face. "Shut up, Styles."

He chuckled lightly as I got out of the car, struggling a bit since the alcohol made sure to remind me that it was still in my system even though I had felt alright when I was sitting. "Goodnight," I said, holding the door open so that I could meet his eyes one more time.

"Night, Louis," he replied, his lips twitching.

I then shut the door and watched him speed away until he rounded the corner further down the street. As I did this, I couldn't help but think that going out to get drunk tonight hadn't been such a bad idea after all.

Chapter Text

A small smile played on my lips as I drove to work on Tuesday. I spent most of my time yesterday thinking about what had happened after I called Harry on Sunday night, trying to memorize every detail. I could remember the expression on his face when he finally let his emotions show. It was as if I could see the mask he had been hiding behind drop right in front of my eyes, and it was absolutely amazing, but I was still aware that it could be a one-time thing.

Because Harry wasn't easy to read these days. I never knew beforehand how he would act, especially not after we had taken a step forward. Last time we had talked about our relationship, nothing had changed afterward, and things could easily turn out that way now too. But I did have a better feeling this time. He had sent me a genuine smile before driving away, and it felt like he had finally got out what had been bugging him for so long.

My thoughts went to the way he had let his vulnerability show as he revealed how scared he was of feeling the way he did when I left him again. It was the reason he had been avoiding me. He thought it was best to stay away to prevent it from happening again.

The pain this fact brought me couldn't be put into words. Knowing he was avoiding me because he was scared of getting hurt made me want to punch myself. I didn't want him to think I would put him through anything like that again, whether we were together or not. I just didn't want him to be afraid of spending time with me.

It was hard to process that this was what had been bugging him all this time. We had gone a whole week of him doing everything to avoid me while I had been wondering why things didn't change after we talked about our breakup. I was sure it would have been a lot easier if he had mentioned it, but of course, that would have meant he failed his mission of staying away from me.

Once I had parked my car in the parking lot outside the arena, I got out of the vehicle and walked over to the entrance. We were working with our acts today, but we were meeting up with the team in the lounge room first. So, after greeting the fans who were gathered outside the doors, I headed to the room, running a hand through my feathery hair.

It surprised me that everyone was already there, even Harry and Nick. Sure, Harry usually didn't arrive late these days, but Nick still did sometimes, but apparently not today since I was on time. The two of them were sitting on the couch opposite Patrick and Perrie, talking excitedly to each other.

The second my eyes landed on the curly-haired man, I could see that something was different about him. It was his eyes. They were twinkling in a way I hadn't seen them do in years, the lights in the room making them shine brightly. He seemed happy, a smile even gracing his perfectly shaped lips.

I sat down next to Perrie on the couch, not being able to take my eyes off him. It wasn't until I could hear Patrick and Perrie greet me that Harry's eyes met mine, and my heart skipped a beat in my chest. I felt like a schoolboy, making eye contact with their secret crush. It was almost embarrassing, but at least I managed to keep a somewhat neutral look on my face as I looked at him, my lips curling.

He flashed me a small, hesitant smile in return, making my breath hitch in my throat. I wondered how a man could make me feel this way with only a simple smile.

"So, I was just telling Perrie, Nick and Harry that you've got free hands to do whatever you want with your acts this week, apart from the songs, that is. There's a new list on the table over there," Patrick informed me, breaking my and Harry's eye contact as I turned to look at him.

"Okay, sounds great," I replied, nodding in acknowledgment.

He clapped his hands together. "Alright then, let's get to work, guys!"

Harry and Nick quickly got up from their seats, Nick throwing me a glare before walking away with Harry. I was about to follow them when I could feel a hand wrap around my bicep, holding me down in my seat. I turned to see Perrie looking at me with raised eyebrows.

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

I bit my bottom lip, looking over at Harry and Nick, who were grabbing a piece of paper before looking back at her. "Not really...?" I said slowly, making her roll her eyes.

"I saw the way you and Harry were looking at each other. Something clearly happened between you two. I haven't seen that look on either of your faces since the beginning of this journey," she pointed out.

Swallowing, I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess we kind of talked about things. I went out on Sunday night, and he came to pick me up," I explained a little hesitantly, not sure if I should tell her this when the said person was in the same room.

She raised her eyebrows at me. "Wait, he picked you up?"

I nodded, looking down at my hands on my lap. "Yeah, he insisted."

"Huh," she let out, seeming a bit shocked. "That's... Wow. What happened then?"

"I was drunk," I said, shaking my head as my lips twitched. "But I kinda sobered up on our way to my place. He told me why he's been avoiding me, and I think that's why things are finally getting better. I know what's been bugging him now."

She seemed impressed, a small smile making its way to her lips. "That's amazing, Louis. I hope things will continue this way. It's nice to see you both looking so happy again," she told me, nudging me in the side.

My lips twitched as I looked back up at her. "You think I'm the reason he seems happier?"

She shook her head, the smile remaining on her lips. "I don't think so. I'm sure you are," she said, getting up from her seat. "Come on, let's go see what songs we're getting to choose from this week."

We grabbed a piece of paper each before following Harry and Nick to the stage, keeping a distance from them. It made it easy for me to notice that Harry's whole aura seemed brighter. He was walking more upright, and he was laughing more than usual. It made my chest spread with warmth, knowing I could be one of the reasons behind it.

It turned out that our acts were already on stage, talking to the choreographers and singing instructors when we got there. We all gathered our groups to talk about the list of the songs, and I quickly suggested we do the same thing as last week, that they chose three songs they would like to perform, and I chose three songs I reckoned would fit them.

As they scurried off to talk to each other alone, I sat down in one of the seats in the audience, looking down at the piece of paper in my hands. There were at least thirty songs written down on it, so it shouldn't be difficult to find three songs that would fit each group this time either. My eyes raked the paper as I heard voices talking in the background, but there were so many of them that they all just became a blur.

It wasn't until I had picked three songs for each group I noticed that the voices had died down, and when I looked up, I realized that there were barely any people left in the arena. A few crew members were walking around, but other than that, it was just me and Harry.

My eyes focused on him, the way he was sitting on the edge of the stage, dangling his legs back and forth while reading the paper in his hands in concentration, a crease between his eyebrows. He looked beautiful, and even more so due to the fact that he was wearing a black hoodie and a pair of black joggers. I wanted to cuddle him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hug him close, be able to smell his sweet scent and run my hands through his soft curls. It had been so long since I had done that, too long. I could barely remember how it felt.

Inhaling a large breath, I got up from my seat, deciding to be bold. I wasn't going to do anything stupid, but I wouldn't let an opportunity like this slip either, not when things were finally heading in the right direction.

I approached him slowly, making so little noise that he almost jumped when he saw me appearing through the corner of his eye. He looked up at me, his mouth falling open slightly.

"Hey," I greeted, pushing myself up on the stage so that I was sitting beside him, leaving a fair distance between us.

"Hi," he replied, looking back at the paper in his hands.

"How's it going? Are the boys doing what you're telling them?" I questioned, trying to make conversation and hoping he would be okay with it.

He shrugged his shoulders, not taking his eyes off the white paper. "It's going alright, I guess. They're all very motivated," he explained.

I let out a hum, looking at the seats in the audience. "I'm sure Frankie is going to get far. He's got something special."

Harry turned to me then, his eyes filling with slight curiosity. "Right. I remember you saying that you see yourself in him at his audition."

I nodded, my lips curling. "Yeah. I was the same age as him when I auditioned and just as nervous. His performance just made a lot of memories come back, and I've adored him ever since."

He bit his bottom lip, looking back down. "I see where you're coming from," he replied. "He is quite likable."

"He sure is," I smiled.

We were quiet for the next couple of seconds. I wasn't sure if he was reading what the paper in his hands said or if he was just pretending to do so. Either way, I broke the silence after a while as a thought crossed my mind. "So, um... I kinda listened to some of your songs a few days ago," I confessed tentatively, seeing how he tensed through the corner of my eye.

When he didn't say anything, I took it as my cue to continue. "They're really beautiful, and they made me think a lot," I mumbled, hoping that it would bring a reaction out of him.

He snapped his head to me, and when I turned to meet his gaze, his green ones were searching for something in mine. It took a while, but he eventually opened his mouth to talk. "I uh... I never expected you to listen to them," he mumbled. "And I'm not as good of a songwriter as you are."

I shook my head, pulling my brows together. "That's not true. You're an amazing songwriter. You have the ability to bring so much emotion into your lyrics, which you should be very proud of. Also, I have always liked your songs. You know that, so it was just a matter of time until I would listen to them."

Furrowing his eyebrows, he played with the rings on his fingers, his gaze falling on them. I had a feeling he knew what song in particular I was referring to because when I heard it for the first time, I had cried and told him how wonderful it was, the way he had completely worn his heart on his sleeve when writing it.

"'If I Could Fly' was only a favorite of yours because it was written about you," he pointed out in a mutter.

"No," I denied, my heart fluttering at the same time as it felt heavy in my chest because it hurt that he would think that. "I mean, sure, it was a bonus, but it wasn't the reason I loved it so much to begin with. It's the way it was written, with so much love and affection. It's truly beautiful, just like the songs I listened to a few days ago. Don't put yourself down, Harry."

A faint smile broke out on his face, his green eyes looking up to meet mine. "Thank you."

"Of course," I replied, my lips twitching.

He placed the piece of paper on the floor next to him, his eyes still locked with mine. "So, your family. How are they these days?" He asked, taking me by surprise. I wasn't expecting him to ask any questions.

"They're doing good," I replied. "Fizzy, Daisy and Phoebe live at my grandparents' house in Doncaster while Lottie has moved here to London, so I try to see her as much as possible," I explained, tucking my hands under my thighs.

He nodded, his brows furrowing. "I'm glad to hear that after everything you've all been through."

I knew he was referring to my mum passing away, which made me look down at my lap, a forced smile making its way to my lips. "Yeah, we've tried to handle it as best as we can, but it's tough at times. We always make sure to talk about it whenever it's weighing us down, though. Otherwise, I'm sure we would still be quite miserable now," I explained. "But you have your own experience of that. You must have gone through a tough time as well."

He pursed his lips, and when I glanced at him, I could see that he was trying not to get emotional. He knew I was referring to Robin. He didn't say anything, though, which I appreciated because talking about these two important people in our lives hurt a lot. There were plenty of things I wanted to discuss with Harry, but preferably not this since it still hurt thinking about my mum, knowing I would never get to see her again.

I was about to open my mouth and tell him this when voices were heard from behind us. When I looked over my shoulder, I noticed that the contestants were returning to the stage, both the groups and the boys.

Letting out a sigh, I pushed myself up in a standing position. "We should probably go back to work."

Harry nodded, getting up to his feet as well. We walked over to the contestants together before gathering our groups to talk to them individually. It turned out they had all chosen three songs each, and just like last time, our thoughts were similar. So it didn't take long until every group only had one piece to focus on for the rest of the week.

They left shortly after that to continue working together. Their new goal was to decide who they thought should sing what part and learn the lyrics thoroughly, and I would help them rearrange things afterward if there was something I didn't agree with.

Once everyone had left, I walked to the edge of the stage where Harry and I had been sitting earlier. I settled down, but instead of staying in a sitting position, I laid down on the hard floor, staring up at the ceiling. It was strangely relaxing. It felt like home somehow, and maybe that was because I had so many memories from this place.

The sound of someone approaching me broke my train of thought, but I didn't turn to look who it was because I already had a feeling of it. "I miss performing on stage," I commented once they had settled down, keeping my gaze on the ceiling.

A hum escaped the person beside me, and I could hear them lying down on the floor as well. "I probably would too if I were you," Harry replied.

I turned my head then, my eyes focusing on his relaxed features as he kept his gaze on the ceiling. "I can't believe you've been touring after we went on hiatus," I said incredulously. "I've barely written a song since then."

He let out a light chuckle, but it didn't sound genuine enough to convince me it was real. "Doesn't sound too bad," he mumbled so quietly that I barely heard him.

Instead of putting too much thought into his words, I turned my head to glance behind me before looking back at him. "Can you believe this was the stage where we had our last performance as a band?"

He furrowed his eyebrows, turning to meet my gaze. "It's also where we had our first," he added, making my heart clench in my chest. I didn't know talking about this would hurt, but it felt like there was no turning back now.

"And where we were formed in the band," I breathed, getting emotional as the memories started playing on my retina. The happiness, the joy, the excitement we had felt at the time. It all felt so real.

"Where you jumped into my arms without even hesitating." He looked me in the eyes, his green irises filled with a combination of sadness and something unknown.

I let out a breathy laugh. "Those were the days."

"Yeah," he agreed, a faint smile forming on his lips. "They were."

We looked back up at the ceiling then, our breathing the only thing that could be heard in the arena. My mind started replaying every memory we had brought up, and I couldn't help but let my lips curl sadly. If I could go back in time and relive those days, I wouldn't hesitate. The way it had felt as if nothing could stop us, as if we were invincible somehow. It was an incredible feeling, not knowing just how far we would go but that we were on our way to becoming something big, something historical.

The sound of heels clicking against the floor made both me and Harry sit up and turn our heads to the source. Dark hair and brown eyes came into view, causing my heart to sink in my chest.

"Hey," Leah greeted, taking a seat next to Harry, her lips twitching.

"Hi," he replied in a murmur while I just nodded my head in acknowledgment.

She tilted her head to the side, her smile growing wider. "So, I was thinking we could go to the cinema and watch a movie tomorrow, and then maybe catch some dinner at a restaurant afterward. How does that sound?"

I could see Harry swallowing as if he didn't know what to say. Meanwhile, I furrowed my eyebrows at her words, feeling my head shriek at me to say something about it. "Um..." I said when I could see him opening his mouth. "Harry doesn't really like going on public dates, but he's got too big of a heart to admit that. He would much rather it be just you and him, either if you go on a road trip or stay at home to cook dinner or something."

Harry froze in his seat, his features impossible to read as he kept his gaze on Leah, who seemed surprised. Her mouth formed the shape of an 'o', her eyes meeting Harry's. "I didn't know that..."

He remained silent as Leah looked back at me, her eyes narrowing slightly. "How come you do, though?" She asked, and sure, if it weren't for the fact that our management made everyone believe we had been enemies for the last six years of our lives, it wouldn't be weird that I knew, but now it was.

Harry turned to me, his green eyes begging me not to say anything. I hated that it was still a secret to almost everyone that we had been dating, that no one was aware that I, if anyone, would know what kind of dates Harry preferred. But at the same time, I knew that I would never do anything he didn't want me to, so if he didn't want me to mention anything, I wasn't going to.

Shrugging my shoulders, I flicked my gaze to Leah, forcing a smile on my lips. "We were in the same band for five years, and we lived together for two of them, so it'd be weird if I didn't know what kind of dates he prefers, wouldn't it?" I said, feeling a lump form in my throat.

I hated this situation so much that I wanted to run towards the exit and get the hell out of here. Things were finally working between me and Harry again. He was finally talking to me after more than four months of being so cold, but then she entered his life, and now she was slowly taking him away again.

Looking up towards the ceiling, I could feel tears brimming my eyes. I couldn't explain just how much it hurt knowing the one I wanted to be with so badly was dating someone else. It made all those feelings I had felt Saturday evening and the entire Sunday return, and I really, really wanted to get out of here.

I was about to stand up and do so when Harry opened his mouth to talk. "Louis'... right. I don't really like going on public dates. I should have probably mentioned that," he grimaced, running a hand through his curls.

She shrugged her shoulders, a small smile forming on her lips. "It's okay, at least I know now. Maybe we can just take a walk somewhere secluded or something then? And have some dinner afterward?"

Harry nodded, his lips twitching slightly, but he still seemed off. "Sounds great."

Leah left shortly after that, and I found myself staring at my lap, my shoulders sagged. Tears were still brimming my eyes as I pursed my lips. "There's nothing I can do to stop you, is there?"

Glancing at the side of his face, I could see him tense for a few seconds until his body relaxed. "Louis," he sighed, to which I shook my head, smiling forcefully.

"It's okay. I know I shouldn't care."

Even if I wanted to stay and continue talking to him, I couldn't force myself to sit there any longer, so I got up and started walking towards the exit, my heart clenching in my chest. As if that wasn't enough, I met Nick when I was just about to walk out, his eyes boring into mine in a way that made me shudder.

It wasn't hard to tell that he was trying to threaten me, the way his brown eyes met mine so coldly. He had probably seen me and Harry talking earlier, but I didn't couldn't care less about him right now. I had other stuff to think about, even if I would rather not do so.

Chapter Text

Things were going pretty well the next day. The contestants were doing what they were supposed to, working with the choreographers and singing instructors, and I stayed at the front of the stage, pointing out things that could be improved but also things that were great. The best thing was that they were all motivated.

Things between me and Harry continued going pretty well too. We small talked now and then during the breaks, commenting on each other's acts and other stuff about work. Even if it wasn't much, it felt nice to finally be able to talk to him without having to worry that he was going to turn his back on me.

However, things changed when lunchtime came around. I was in the lounge room, my Airpods in my ears with loud music blasting at full volume. It was a combination of The Killers, Oasis and The Fray, some of my all-time favorite bands. They had written some of my go-to songs, the ones that just never got too old or boring.

As I nodded my head to the music, my feet resting on one of the armrests of the couch, I barely acknowledged that someone walked into the room. It wasn't until they were standing beside me on the couch that I snapped my head to them, my blood running cold as my eyes landed on a frustrated-looking Nick.

He was glaring at me, his brown eyes boring into mine, and I found myself pulling out one of my Airpods as I raised my eyebrows at him. "Wha-"

"You stay the fuck away from him, do you hear me?" He cut me off, hovering over my body.

I pulled myself up in a sitting position, furrowing my brows. "I'm sorry, what?"

His face hardened as he continued staring at me, his eyes as cold as ice. "Stay the fuck away from Harry."

I wanted to ask him if he was being serious. He was acting like a five-year-old standing up for their best friend. "I'm pretty sure he doesn't need your help to say that if that's what he wants," I replied, looking at him with an arched brow.

He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You don't understand," he grunted, annoyance lacing his voice. "He doesn't want you anywhere near him. He's told me this countless times. He just has a hard time saying fucking no to you. You're his weak point, and the only reason he's talking to you now is because his heart wants to, not because his mind does. Do you have any idea how bad you fucking hurt him that day?"

I swallowed, trying my best to keep looking into his eyes without faltering. It hurt hearing him say these words, that there was a possibility Harry only talked to me because he couldn't resist it and not because he whole-heartedly wanted to. "Of course I do, Nick. I'm not stupid. But he hurt me too, which you may not know about that. Not that it's any of your business. I honestly don't know why you're even here in the first place. I'm pretty sure Harry can take care of himself," I muttered.

He stared at me for a long time, his features turning into a look of disgust. "I don't understand how he even fell for you to begin with. You're a selfish asshole. If you want what's best for him, you should stay away. He thinks he's weak for giving in to talking to you, and it makes him feel bad about himself, yet you don't even give a shit. But now that I think about it, I shouldn't expect you to since you were stupid enough to leave him," he snorted, shaking his head in disbelief.

I could feel my heart twist in my chest. "I know I made a huge mistake that I can't take back, but really, Nick? I know you have feelings for him, but isn't this a step too far? Sure, you care about him, but that doesn't give you the right to come here and attack me. Even if you think Harry shouldn't talk to me, you should let him tell me all this himself."

He just stared at me, his face draining from all its color. "The fuck did you just say? You have no idea what I feel about Harry. I'm doing this because I know it's best for him, because I know he doesn't have it in him to say it himself," he said, his voice faltering as his jaw went slack.

It was easy to tell he wasn't expecting me to know that he had feelings for Harry. It was obvious he was shocked, and the thought made me want to scoff because it was clear as day that he didn't think of Harry only as a friend. The way he hugged him close to his side whenever he could, threw an arm around his shoulders and smiled at him. I wasn't stupid.

"I don't have to know what you feel about him since you make it so obvious." I rolled my eyes, getting up from the couch not to be at a disadvantage anymore. "But if it makes you feel better, I'll bring this up with him to see what he has to say about what you just told me," I added, shooting him one last stare before walking away, leaving him standing there.

"I fucking hate you."

His words made me turn around, my narrowed eyes meeting his. "That's funny because I haven't done anything to you."

-----

It turned out I didn't get an opportunity to talk to Harry about what Nick had told me as soon as I wanted to because, during the last few breaks of the day, there were other people around, and Harry and I barely exchanged a word. But whenever I let my gaze fall on him, I thought of Nick's words.

What if what he said was true? What if Harry did put himself down for talking to me? He admitted that he had been ignoring me because he was afraid of getting hurt, and it would make sense that he was upset with himself for giving in to it. And when I asked him if he would still ignore me, he had said that he probably should but that he wasn't sure if he still could.

These thoughts made uncomfortable chills run through my body. I didn't want him to feel that way. I wanted him to talk to me because he missed me and genuinely wanted to, not because he was forcing himself.

I didn't get a chance to talk to him until the end of the workday. I saw my opportunity when I caught him walking towards the dressing room, probably to fetch his coat. He was by himself, and I hadn't seen anyone else walking in the same direction, so I picked up my pace and followed him.

The second I turned the handle and swung the door open, I inhaled a large breath to prepare myself for our conversation. He was standing with his back facing me, his eyes locked on something in his hands. I cleared my throat to earn his attention, and he instantly turned around, his eyes going wide.

"Oh, hi," he breathed, sliding his phone into the pocket of his coat.

"Hey," I greeted, walking further into the room to sit down on one of the chairs by the mirrors. "Can I ask you something?"

He pulled his eyebrows together, seeming a bit unsure. "I guess?" He replied, settling down on the couch opposite me.

Inhaling another large breath, I started explaining myself. "When I was in the lounge room earlier today, Nick joined me, and he... he wasn't very happy."

His eyebrows rose in surprise, clearly not knowing about this.

"He told me that you deep down don't want to talk to me, that you only do it because I'm your weak point, and that you're putting yourself down for it," I frowned, looking down at my fingernails. "Is that true?"

He was silent for a long time, and I didn't dare look up to see his facial expression, too afraid it would show something I didn't want to see. When he eventually opened his mouth, a sigh escaped his lips. "If you remember what I told you the other night, you should know that it's not exactly a lie, but he exaggerated. I do want to talk to you. There's just this part of me that's scared I'll get hurt, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be able to trust you again. I just... I don't want to look at you and be reminded of what happened between us. I want to look at you and see what an amazing human being you are, just like I used to."

I could feel my heart clench in my chest as I pulled my eyebrows together so deeply that it almost hurt. "That's really what you think when you look at me?"

He pursed his lip, looking up to meet my gaze. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, his eyes pleading with mine. "I wish I didn't."

"No," I breathed, getting up from my seat, trying to force a smile on my lips. "It's okay. I understand. I... I'm glad you're being honest."

He nodded, looking down at his lap as he fiddled with the hem of his coat. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I reassured him. "I get it. I just wish you would understand that I made a mistake. I was scared you would leave me. I didn't want... I never wanted to leave you. Fuck, I just... I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

He looked up at me, a crease forming between his brows. "I just find it hard to believe that you could even think I would leave you, that you could be talked into that when you knew how much I loved you. I even wrote a song about it, yet you just chose to believe what Simon out of all people told you." His eyes were staring intensely into mine, trying to understand why I did what I did.

I was pretty sure I had never felt this ashamed before. I wanted to dig a hole in the ground and let it swallow me whole because I couldn't believe it myself. Hearing him say these words out loud made my decision sound so ridiculous.

With guilt eating me up from the inside, I looked at him, my eyes filled with sadness. "Did they succeed?" I wondered. "Your management. Did they succeed in what they wanted to achieve with you?" It was the only thing that could still save me at least a little bit.

The crease between his brows deepened. "I was never told what they had in store. They just told me that they were investing a lot in me. I didn't think too much about it, but I figured a few months later what they meant by it. I've barely gotten any time off these past two and a half years. They always make sure I'm busy with work, whether that be participating in a movie, making an album, or being on tour. Don't get me wrong. I love being busy. After being in One Direction, I've grown used to it, but sometimes you just need a break, you know? And seeing how the rest of you finally had time to relax made me envy you a lot. But I guess that's about it. They've tried to push me into a few other things as well, but I couldn't do it. The only thing I couldn't get away from was dating some girls for publicity," he shrugged, making the guilt grow in my stomach.

Of course. I should have known he wasn't easy to manipulate. He had never been. I just thought that would change since Simon had made it sound so believable. "Fuck," I breathed. "I'm so fucking stupid. I knew it. I fucking knew it. How could I when I- Fuck."

His face showed every emotion he was feeling, the mask he had been wearing long gone. He expressed all the pain he had felt, and I couldn't just stand there. I couldn't stand there, watching the man I loved fall apart right in front of me for something I had done.

But instead of leaving, I walked over to him. And as if knowing what I was about to do, he got up to his feet and waited for me to wrap my arms around his tall frame, my hands pressing against his back to bring him close to me. His arms went around me in return, his broad shoulders knocking into mine as our bodies collided, his face digging into my neck and mine into his.

This hug was nothing like the one we had shared in my hallway. This hug was so much more because we both wanted it, needed it. We held onto each other as if our lives depended on it, as if we would break if we even thought of letting go. I inhaled a large breath, my nose rubbing against the soft skin of his neck, letting his sweet scent fill my lungs and surround my senses. It was amazing how someone could have this effect on me. It was as if I needed his scent to function properly because I hadn't felt this complete in a very long time.

Before we separated, I couldn't help but let my lips grace his neck just briefly, barely even touching, but I could tell he felt it by the way his body tensed, and I prayed that it wouldn't ruin anything.

When we were far enough to see each other, I looked into his green eyes pleadingly. "I can't tell you enough how sorry I am for hurting you. I wish I could turn back time and have it all undone. I wish I never listened to Simon's words. I wish I never left you."

He searched my face for a long time, his features sad but also understanding. "Yeah," he breathed. "I'm beginning to understand that."

Before I could find any words to say in return, he started backing out of the room. "See you on Friday, Lou," he said with one last sad smile before leaving me there, feeling completely drained of emotions.

-----

Later that day, I found myself lounging on my couch in the living room. Lottie had just gone home after a movie marathon and some Thai food. It was nice. I missed spending time with her, watching movies, and just talking. We rarely had time to do this these days since we were both so busy.

She had asked me about Harry, wondering how things were going between us now that we were talking again. She was happy that we were on better terms, I could tell by the way her eyes brightened whenever I mentioned his name, and she had made it clear why she thought it was a good thing when I said that he had asked about her and our other siblings.

"He asked you about us?" She had said blissfully. "He's such a gentleman. God, I miss him so much. Do you remember when you two spent time with us when mum wasn't home? We would watch a ton of movies, and he would play with dolls with Daisy and Phoebe to make them happy. Then he would cook us dinner and make sure we all liked the food he was making. Do you remember, Lou?"

Of course I did. It was impossible not to. Harry had always been a gentleman, a real mother-in-law's dream, the way he always made sure to treat people with love and care. I could never forget it because it was one of the many assets I loved about him.

"Yeah, of course," I had replied in a whisper, looking down at my lap.

"He was like a brother to us. And he would always make sure I was safe when I was with you on tour. I remember one time particularly when I was being held back by some of your fans when we were walking out of a restaurant. There were guards there, but they didn't see how I was being pulled at. Then Harry appeared out of nowhere and easily got me away from them, and I remember how pissed he was, the way he kept muttering about how shitty the bodyguards were," she had chuckled softly.

I couldn't say anything to that because Harry had always treated them like his own siblings. It didn't surprise me that he had helped Lottie in a situation like that. He would have helped anyone, but I knew he wouldn't have been as pissed if it was anyone else.

After that, we stopped talking about Harry, which was quite a relief since I didn't know how to keep replying to her about him. Instead, we started talking about her and her life. She was in the process of making a brand, and things were going well for her. In a matter of weeks, her products would be on the market.

That was almost half an hour ago now. A blanket was draped over my body with Clifford lying at my feet, my face turned towards the flat screen. I kept flipping through the channels, not finding anything good to watch. This went on until I had enough and turned on Netflix instead. I started going over the most popular movies, trying to find a decent one when my phone started vibrating in my pocket.

Not thinking too much about it, I reached down to fish it up, letting my eyes fall on the display. My eyes widened at the sight of Harry's name, my lips parting in surprise. Without hesitating, I slid my finger across the screen and brought the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

There was no reply. The only thing I could hear was the sound of footsteps, and was that birds chirping?

"Harry, are you there?" I tried again, feeling my heart race in my chest.

A large inhale was heard on the other end. "I... Yeah."

Swallowing, I ran a hand through my hair. "Are you okay?" I asked, trying to make my heartbeat calm down.

"Yeah," he repeated, sounding distant, which didn't make me feel any less worried.

"Why are you outside?"

That wasn't a 'yes' or 'no' question, which meant he couldn't reply with the same word again. So, I waited patiently for him to start explaining what was going on, my teeth digging into my bottom lip.

"I'm just walking," he replied, making me want to let out a frustrated groan.

But then it hit me.

"Wait, aren't you supposed to be on a date with Leah?"

He remained silent, but he didn't have to confirm it because I had been there when they had talked about their date yesterday. I knew they had plans to go for a walk and have dinner afterward tonight.

"What happened?" I asked tentatively, sensing that this had something to do with why he was quiet.

A sigh escaped his lips, and I could almost see him furrowing his eyebrows in front of me. "Can we please not talk about it?"

I swallowed and nodded even though he couldn't see me. "Yeah, of course. Do you... do you want me to pick you up?"

He let out a groan. "No, don't do that. I just... I just want to talk. If that's okay?" He asked gently, his voice barely a whisper towards the end.

I could feel my heart clench at the sound of his fragile tone. All I wanted was to hug him and make him feel better about whatever happened to him. "I... yeah, of course it is," I breathed, pressing the phone closer to my ear as I hugged the blanket to my chest. "You're not in danger, though, are you?"

A dry laugh escaped his lips. "No, Lou. I'm safe," he reassured me.

The sound of my nickname coming out of his mouth made a small smile form on my lips. I couldn't help it, even if the situation weren't anything to smile about. "That's great. I just... It would be easier if I knew what happened so that I can help you."

He let out a sigh, the sound of his footsteps and the birds chirping remaining in the background. "I just... can't."

Pulling my eyebrows together, I kept my gaze on my legs. "You can't what? You can't talk about it, or...?"

"No, that's not it," he denied. "I just can't. I've tried so many times, but it doesn't work."

Now he was making me even more confused. "I'm sorry, Harry, but you'll have to be a bit more specific than that," I said gently, not wanting to offend him in any way.

He inhaled another large breath. "Date, Louis. I can't fucking date."

It was like all air was knocked out of my lungs, and I suddenly forgot how to breathe. I was speechless. I didn't have anything to say. I never expected those words to escape his mouth because I was sure that he had dated other people after me. "But I thought..." I trailed off, knowing my face was as pale as a sheet.

"Whatever you thought, you were wrong," he said, and I was sure he was running his hand over his face at this moment. "But God knows I've fucking tried. I've tried so many times, but it just doesn't work."

"Huh."

"Have you...?" He trailed off, and I could hear that he was being hesitant.

A flat laugh escaped my lips as I shook my head. "No, I haven't," I admitted, biting my lip.

"Oh," he mumbled, sounding a bit surprised.

Clearing my throat, I pressed a finger to my lip. "So, what happened then? Did you just leave, or...?" I asked, wanting to change the topic.

He was quiet for a few seconds until he replied, "Something like that, yeah. We were out walking when she offered to go to her place and have some dinner. I agreed, and so we went to her apartment, which was pretty close to where we were. And then after we had eaten, we decided to watch a movie, but I just felt... uncomfortable? I could feel myself starting to distance myself. It was as if my body was there, but my mind wasn't, and I felt so out of place that I couldn't bring myself to stay, so I... I left," he finished, and I could feel how ashamed he was of himself over the phone.

"Harry," I sighed, not knowing how to put my thoughts into words, but I couldn't help but think of how similar it sounded to how I reacted when Jamie had been kissing my neck a few nights ago. "I don't know what to say, but no matter what, you shouldn't put yourself down. If that's the way your body reacts, then maybe it isn't right?"

He let out a frustrated groan. "Fuck, I really don't want to talk about this with you."

I couldn't deny that it hurt hearing him say that. I knew he didn't mean anything personal with it, but it didn't make things better. "Okay," I muttered, averting my gaze from my lap.

"I don't mean it like that, Louis," he sighed, his voice sounding softer now. "I just... don't think it's a good idea. You know, considering our past."

Ouch.

It was scary how easy it was for him to hurt me without even trying. "I understand," I whispered, grimacing. "I just don't want you to feel bad about it because it's okay to feel that way, alright?"

He was quiet for the next ten seconds. "I'm home now. We should probably hang up," he informed me, making me furrow my eyebrows.

"Oh, okay. Uh, bye then."

Another few seconds passed by, and I started thinking he had already hung up on me. I was about to check when his soft drawl entered my ear again. "Bye," he said almost in a whisper. "And uh... thank you. It means a lot coming from you."

Then the line went dead.

Chapter Text

We didn't have to go to work the next day because the contestants were only in need of the choreographers and singing instructors, and we judges had already stepped in and helped them with what needed to be rearranged for the live show. We were going in tomorrow, though, to make sure everything was as intended.

If I were honest, I was a bit disappointed that we weren't going there today because I felt an urge to meet Harry after his phone call last night. I wanted to make sure he was alright, that he wasn't putting himself down for this too since it was obvious it bothered him that he couldn't bring himself to stay at Leah's place.

I felt split on what to think about the situation. Since I still loved him, I couldn't help but be a bit relieved that things weren't working between them, but when I heard how sad he was about it, I felt as though my feelings didn't matter. Because all I wanted was for him to be happy, so if he was upset about not being able to stay with her, then I couldn't find relief in it.

All this made me think of why he felt like he couldn't date in the first place. He had made it clear that he didn't want to talk to me about it, seeing as he had become defensive as soon as I mentioned the words 'maybe you feel that way because it's not right', which in this case could only mean one thing; he knew it was true. He was most likely aware of why he felt uncomfortable dating these people. He just didn't like the reason behind it.

Which made my thoughts land on me. If he didn't want to talk to me about it specifically, considering our past, I couldn't see any other reason why, if not because he wasn't completely over our relationship.

And if that was true, it most likely added to why he didn't want us to get closer. I knew that he avoided me because he was scared of getting hurt again. So if these two reasons were added together, he had an even greater motive to avoid me since that would mean I meant more to him than he wanted me to.

Coming to this realization should probably make me happy, but it only made me sad because I wanted it to be under different circumstances. I didn't want him to hate the fact that I still meant something to him. I wanted him to like it, embrace it and be happy about it.

With a deep sigh, I looked down at the notebook on my lap. I was sitting on my couch in the living room, trying to write another song. It had been easier lately. It was like my hands and brain worked together with barely any effort. Every time I knew what to write about, it was like it came naturally to me.

Pursing my lips, I tilted my head to the side as I read the words I had scribbled down the last couple of days.

Never been so defenceless. Never been so defenceless. You just keep on building up your fences, but I've never been so defenceless.

They were some of the most honest words I had written in a long time. I had tried my best to get through to Harry even if he was building up all these walls between us. Some of them had started to fall, but I knew it would take time to make them all do so. I just hoped he would realize how much I still cared about him and that I had never stopped doing so.

Biting my bottom lip, I fiddled with the pen in my hand before pressing it against the paper. I could feel my heart thump in my chest as I let my hand write the following words.

I hope that I'm not asking too much, just wanna be loved by you. And I'm too tired to be tough, just wanna be loved by you.

I stared at the lyrics for at least thirty seconds, feeling insecure about them. I was definitely asking too much. I wasn't sure if I could even add them to the song because things would be too obvious. This entire song was too obvious. If Harry ever listened to it, he would know how strong my feelings were for him, which was kind of what I wanted, but I knew it would only scare him away as things were now.

Letting out a sigh, I contemplated whether to erase the words altogether. Unfortunately, I didn't have a lot of time to do so because right then, my phone on the coffee table started ringing.

My first instinct was to tense since the last time it had vibrated, Harry had been the one calling me. So when I looked at the screen and saw Simon's name, I could feel my heart drop in disappointment.

Hesitatingly, I picked up the device, swiping my finger across the screen before bringing it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Good afternoon, Louis. I hope everything's alright with you," he greeted, his voice sounding gentle.

It made me furrow my brows. He never sounded genuine if he didn't have anything in store. "I'm alright. Thank you, I guess," I mumbled, confusion lacing my voice.

"Can't I ask how you're doing without you finding it strange?" He scoffed. "I've known you for eight years, Louis."

Snorting, I rolled my eyes. "I don't know if that's the right word. You've been my manager for eight years. I can't really say that I know you very well, though. Besides, you always have something on your mind when you ask me how I'm doing," I replied, not even caring that I sounded rude. This was Simon after all. He deserved it.

He hummed quietly on the other end. "Eight years and still just as feisty," he muttered. "Anyway, there is, in fact, a reason why I'm calling you. I wanted to know how things are going with the show?"

My gaze fell on the black screen of the television, my eyebrows pinched together. I didn't see a good reason for him to care about it since it didn't concern him at all. "It's going alright. Why are you asking me?" I asked in a bored tone.

Simon was quiet for a few seconds. "Because I'm your manager, Louis. It's my job to check on you and see how things are going. It pleases me to hear that things are alright, though. What about Harry? Are things alright between you too?"

I wished I was sitting in the same room as him so that I could see his face because only hearing his voice made it difficult to know his honest thoughts about the matter. He didn't give anything away either. He just sounded plain. "I'm not going to talk to you about him," I stated. "Not now, not ever again."

He let out an obnoxious laugh, making the hairs on my arms stand up. "Louis, Louis, Louis, what am I going to do with you?" He chuckled, and I could almost see the smirk on his face. "Should I take it things are not working very well between you then? I thought everything was going smoothly, what with you sharing sunglasses and everything. I'm sad to hear I was wrong."

I let out a scoff, running a hand through my tousled hair. "You don't give a shit, Simon. All you ever care about is money and reputation. It's always been that way, and it always will be. But you know what? You don't have to care about it since you succeeded in your plan of manipulating me into thinking he was going to leave me if I didn't leave him first. I know how smug you are about it, so don't sit there and lie to me how fucking sad you are that things aren't working between us," I snarled, my nostrils flaring.

He let out a bitter sigh, his voice darker than usual. "I knew you would go falling for him again when you decided to participate in the show. You're so weak, Louis. Haven't you realized that you will never be enough for him? He'll never want you after everything you've put him through."

I could feel my blood starting to boil in my veins as I clenched my jaw. "I'm sick and tired of your fucking words, Simon. Keep your thoughts inside your head, and don't mention them to me because you will never fucking get to me again," I snapped, my teeth clashing together in anger.

He let out a humorous chuckle, making me shudder uncomfortably. "Alright, Louis. Just don't forget that I tried to warn you," he said gently, as if I hadn't just snapped at him twice.

"Fuck off," I muttered, pulling the phone from my ear to click on the 'end' button.

I threw the device across the couch, letting out a frustrated groan as I ran both of my hands over my face. I then slouched over with my elbows on my thighs, feeling tears prick my eyes. I didn't understand how I could have let this sick man ruin the only good thing in my life. I hated that he was so good at manipulating people. He had probably done it tons of times before, and I fell into the trap just like everyone else did. I was so clueless and blind, but that didn't mean I was going to fall for it again. I was sick and tired of listening to this man, and I couldn't wait until the contract would end in two years.

The sound of my phone vibrating on the other end of the couch made me snap out of my thoughts. I looked up at the device, staring at it for a long time until eventually deciding to get up to fetch it. Judging from the way it only vibrated once, I knew it was only a text message this time, so I didn't hurry over to get it.

It was a text from Liam. We hadn't talked as much lately, but he was informed that things were starting to work between me and Harry. I had told him that we had talked about what happened between us, that nothing was weighing us down anymore other than the fact that it was going to take time for Harry to trust me again. He didn't know what happened yesterday, though, but I would have to inform him of that some other time because his message was about something completely different.

Liam: Hey, mate. Since Niall is back from his trip to Ireland now, I thought we should have a get-together, all four of us. It's been a while since we were in Ibiza, and since things are better between you and Harry now, I thought it would be a great idea. What do you say?

I stared at the screen, reading the message at least four times until it registered what he was suggesting. My mind was still locked on my and Simon's conversation, but it did sound like a good idea once I managed to process it. I didn't mind spending time with the boys now that things weren't that bad between me and Harry anymore. I found myself even liking the idea. It had been so long since we hung out and had fun without any complications.

Louis: Sounds great, mate! I agree. It's been a while since we last hung out together. Just tell me when and where and I'll be there.

It didn't take more than half a minute until my phone vibrated again.

Liam: I was thinking you could come to my place next Friday? Both you and Harry are free then, right?

Louis: Yeah, that'll be great!

I put my phone away after that, feeling grateful that Liam had decided to text me after that phone call with Simon. It got me in a much better mood than I had been in only a couple of minutes ago.

So instead of going back to sulking about what had happened years ago that couldn't be changed now anyway, I picked up my guitar from the floor and started working on a melody to the lyrics I had written earlier.

-----

When I came into work the next day, the first thing I noticed was that things were off. Well, at least two things because Harry was the only one there when I entered the lounge room. He was lying on one of the couches just like I had done the other day, with his long legs hanging over the armrest while singing softly.

The second thing I noticed was that he was wearing his Ray-Bans. I hadn't really thought about it, but now that he was wearing them, I realized they had been gone the last couple of days. I wondered if that meant what I was afraid it did.

"Don't call me baby again. You got your reasons. I know that you're tryna be friends. I know you mean it. Don't call me baby again. It's hard for me to go home, be so lonely."

I swallowed at the sound of his voice, feeling my throat clog as the words processed in my head. It felt like I was sneaking on him, eavesdropping on something I shouldn't hear since it was kind of obvious the lyrics were about me. And I had a feeling he didn't want me to hear it.

If I were honest, I wasn't sure if I wanted to listen because hearing him repeat how he no longer wanted to be with me hurt more every time he mentioned it. I knew I only had myself to blame, but I couldn't help but wonder if things would always be like this.

Before I could back out of the room and pretend I hadn't entered in the first place, Harry turned his head to me, and I could see how his eyebrows arched in surprise behind his sunglasses. His voice instantly died out, his mouth forming the shape of an 'o'. He then cleared his throat, getting up in a sitting position and turning to face the floor instead of looking at me.

"Hi," I greeted, feeling awkward. It was like I had just been caught doing something I shouldn't.

He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, his gaze not leaving the floor. "Hey," he mumbled.

I narrowed my eyes at the sound of his voice. He seemed distant, as if he would rather do anything than talk to me. If I were honest, I wasn't sure if he appreciated any of our conversations, but it had felt like that was about to change lately. Now, though, he sounded like he did before things started getting better between us, and it only added to my fear of why he was wearing those sunglasses.

Instead of walking out of the room like I had probably done a couple of weeks ago, I walked further inside, sitting down on the couch opposite him. He was wearing his grey hoodie with the word 'Damn' on the front. It looked so good and cozy on him that I could feel my arms itch to wrap around his frame.

"Was that a new song you were singing?" I asked, and I wanted to close my eyes hit myself because I was pretty sure I didn't want to bring that up.

He shrugged his shoulders, keeping his gaze down. "Something like that."

His lack of answer made me furrow my eyebrows. Something was definitely off.

Letting out a sigh, I ran a hand through my brown locks. "Is this about the conversation we had over the phone the other night?" I continued, trying to make him look at me by keeping my gaze on his figure.

He was stubborn, though, refusing to give in. He took a long time to answer, his fingers playing with the rings on his right hand. "I don't really want to talk about it," he mumbled, keeping his voice low.

I wanted to pull at my hair in frustration. Everything felt so hopeless when it came to him these days. I didn't know how to get to him when he was so ignorant, so why was I trying so hard?

"You're wearing your sunglasses, and you're being distant with me, so it's obvious something's bugging you. Also, considering how quickly your demeanor changed when you noticed me being in the room makes it easy for me to know I'm the reason behind it," I muttered.

I could see how his brows knitted as he eventually decided to look up at me. He kept his eyes on my face for a long time until he reached up to push his sunglasses to the top of his head, revealing his beautiful, green eyes. He still kept his emotions inside, though, not letting his features express any feelings.

"It's just easy to hide behind them," he explained, making the muscles tense in my body.

I never expected him to admit that. Although I had a feeling that was the reason, it took me by surprise. Therefore, nothing came out when I opened my mouth to talk. I had to try at least three times until I finally managed to get words past my lips. "I... kinda figured."

Now it was his turn to look surprised. He tilted his head to the side, his eyes twinkling from the lights in the room. He was impressed, I could tell by the way his lips twitched slightly. "If there's anyone who would, it'd be you."

A warm feeling spread in my chest at his words, my lips curling into a smile. It was probably the greatest compliment he had given me since we broke up. It almost made me blush, but I forced the heat away from my cheeks, looking down at the coffee table not to make things worse.

When I didn't say anything, he took it upon himself to continue, "I'm sorry about the other night, by the way. I don't know why I said all that to you. I just... I kinda felt like I wanted to talk to you after what happened, but I wasn't supposed to tell you all that."

Biting my bottom lip, I looked up at him, seeing how hesitant he was. He probably contemplated if it was a good idea to bring the topic up. "I don't mind. I was just sad that you felt like you couldn't talk to me about it. I'll always listen, you know? You might not believe it, but I still care about you," I admitted, feeling my cheeks heat up anyway.

He nodded, his lips twitching almost reluctantly. "I know."

I was pretty sure I shouldn't be surprised about this since I hadn't exactly been trying to hide how much I cared about him, but I didn't expect him to let himself believe it, let alone admit it to me.

"You do?" I breathed, inhaling a large puff of air.

He rolled his eyes as if he thought I was being an idiot. "I'm not blind, Louis, and I'm not deaf either. I can tell you still care about me. I just... I'm not ready to trust you yet because I thought I knew you cared about me when you left me too. So the thought of being close to you scares the hell out of me."

Again, it hurt to hear him say those words, but for the first time since he started mentioning them, I really listened to him. I had not held back on showing him that I wanted us to get closer the last couple of days, even if he had told me more times than once that he was afraid. It made me wonder if pushing him into it wasn't the right thing to do.

"I guess I still have a lot to prove then," I smiled faintly, making him look at me hesitantly.

"I guess."

I let myself look around the room, remembering that we were still the only people here. I wondered if Patrick had informed me of the wrong time or what else was going on. "Do you know where the rest are? I was sure we were going to meet here," I asked, pulling my eyebrows together.

He pursed his lips, his gaze falling on the door. "I'm pretty sure they told us to be here at ten. It's only nine."

My eyes widened, and I quickly fished my phone from the back pocket of my jeans to check if he was right. 9:05. I must have been in such a hurry that I didn't check the hour, only the minutes. "Fuck," I groaned, running my hands over my face while letting out a light chuckle. "I'm such an idiot."

He joined my laughter, his lips twitching slightly. "It's pretty nice to be here early, though. It's so calm and quiet," he pointed out, lying down on the couch again, throwing his long legs over one armrest while he rested his head on the other.

I did the same, lying down on my couch although my feet only reached just over the armrest. He was right. It was nice, very peaceful and relaxing. "Never thought you would say that after arriving late almost every day at the beginning of this journey," I couldn't help but say, hoping he could hear the teasing tone in my voice.

Thankfully, I saw a small smile form on his lips. "Yeah, I know. I guess I just tried to do everything that would make you not recognize me. That way, it was easier to keep you at a distance, and I could also hide how hurt I still was after everything that happened between us."

I raised my brows in surprise. I didn't know that. "Wait, really? But Anne--"

"Mum just covered for me. She probably told you stuff about my management. I mean, they did want me to act a certain way, but I never did as they told, which I've already told you. I've stayed off social media because I don't like what people say about me. They don't know the real me. They just know this guy who's with different girls all the time. I'm quite sick of people sexualizing me, you know?"

Maybe I should have known that too. As mentioned before, Harry wasn't a person to just give in and let someone else control his life. He had shown me that so many times in the past. So I should have known that there was another reason he was staying away from social media these days.

"I understand," I grimaced. "How come you're telling me this, though? Since you did all that to keep me at a distance, I mean. What makes you not want to keep up with it?"

He pursed his lips, staring up at the ceiling as he folded his hands behind his head. "I guess I can't keep acting like someone I'm not. I mean, I like acting, but not when it comes to real life. Besides, I don't see the reason for it anymore. There are other ways to keep you at a distance," he explained, biting his bottom lip.

"I see," I hummed, turning my gaze to the ceiling as well.

I couldn't help but think back to how he had acted a couple of months ago, the way he had barely looked at me the first day, and the way he wouldn't talk to me, as if I was repulsive. I also thought about the way he had acted when we were at that pub in Cardiff, how he flirted his way inside and got us free drinks. It was definitely not the Harry I had grown to know.

But if he had done all that to keep me away from him, then why did he join me twice when we ate at those restaurants and I went out to have a smoke? Why did he help me when I had been sexually harassed at the pub in Cardiff? Why did he confront me about Eleanor that time in the hotel's hallway? And what about when he texted me out of nowhere about her? And when he followed me to that bathroom in Ibiza? He didn't try to keep me at a distance then.

Instead of asking him about this, I let myself think about the answer. It could have to do about what he said, how he still wanted to talk to me even if he was scared of getting too close. So maybe he found it hard to control himself those times.

This only made me realize even more how much I must have been hurting him, how much I still was hurting him. He shouldn't have to control himself. He shouldn't have to feel the need to try so hard to keep me at a distance.

With this on my mind, I kept my gaze on the ceiling, my hands laced on my stomach.

We laid there for a while in silence, just enjoying the quietness and peacefulness until I decided to break it after almost five minutes. "Simon called me yesterday," I said, turning back to look at him.

He still kept his eyes on the ceiling, but his jaw was clenched now. "What did he say?" He questioned with a bite to his tone, but I could tell his anger wasn't directed at me.

"He asked me how the show is going, and uh... how things are between us," I admitted, seeing how his body tensed.

"And what did you say?"

Clearing my throat, I bit the inside of my cheek. "Nothing. I told him I didn't want to talk to him about us. Not now, not ever again."

A trace of a smile showed on his lips as he nodded slowly, letting the words process in his head. "Good."

I looked down at my feet, contemplating whether to continue or not. He probably didn't want to know what else he said, and I wasn't going to tell him why he said it to begin with. "I just... want you to know that I will never listen to what he says about you again. He managed to manipulate me once, but he won't be able to do it twice," I confessed, biting my lip. It felt nothing but awkward to admit this, but he needed to know that I didn't worship the ground he walked, as he thought I did.

It took a long time until he opened his mouth to reply to me. "That... that sounds good," he smiled almost forcefully, turning to meet my gaze.

I nodded, my eyes finding the ceiling. "And I want you to know that I'm glad you are yourself again. I just... I just really missed you, and even though you don't want us to get too close, I'm happy that you're at least you. I wouldn't want you to act like someone else because of me. So if you don't want me to get too close, I'll keep my distance," I mumbled, hating the idea, but I couldn't force him to want me around if it wasn't what he wanted.

Something flashed through his eyes when I looked at him, and he knitted his eyebrows. "That's... great."

With a sad smile, I averted my gaze again, feeling my heart clench in my chest. I didn't want us to be like this. I wanted us to be close and feel more comfortable around each other, but if this part of him weighed over the one that wanted to talk to me, then there wasn't much for me to do.

Chapter Text

Things got pretty difficult after that since I didn't know how to act around Harry anymore. I wasn't sure what was too close for him, and I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, so I kept my distance and only talked to him when necessary.

Every fiber of my body disagreed, though. I had done all I could to make him understand how much I still cared for him the last couple of weeks and how much I wanted us to be like we once were, so this was a huge change, and I didn't like it one bit.

It felt like everything I had done had gone to waste. He would probably want to go back to not talking to me at all now that he realized how much more unproblematic it was when we weren't. And he probably found it a lot easier to deal with everything that was going on inside his head when I wasn't around him all the time.

Despite that, he seemed pretty off at work on Saturday afternoon. We were preparing for the second live show, and he barely talked to anyone, not even Nick. I could see how frustrated the older man was because of this, and he kept sending me glares now and then, probably assuming I was the reason behind it.

The sad part was that it affected Harry's acts as well since they needed coaching before the live show. He only answered their questions with a shake or nod of the head, not putting too much care into it, and it made me sad because this was not what I had wanted to happen. I wanted him to smile just like I had seen him do only a couple of days ago.

I tried telling myself that it wasn't my fault, despite Nick's dark glares at me. This was what Harry wanted. He had tried to tell me this the entire week. I had just refused to listen to him before. But somehow, I still felt like it was my fault. Perrie had said I was the reason for his smile the other day, so I wondered if I was the reason for his sadness now or if he was just hung up on everything that had happened between him and Leah.

It turned out my question would be answered only an hour before the show started. I sat on my chair at the judges' table, playing with my pen as a stylist applied makeup to my face. Through the corner of my eye, I could see Harry sitting on the edge of the stage just like he had done a couple of days ago, dangling his feet back and forth. He was wearing his blue suit, the one he had worn to the restaurant in Dublin, and he looked just as stunning this time as he did back then.

I was still admiring his looks when Leah walked up to him, her dark hair falling down her shoulders. She didn't seem sad, as I expected her to. She had a genuine smile on her lips as she approached him until she stopped right next to his figure so that I could still see both of their faces.

It took a while until she managed to get him to talk, but after a minute, I could see his lips starting to move as well. He still seemed off, though, his face in a frown and his lips in a pout. Seeing him talk made me feel a little bit better, though.

He nodded at something she mentioned and then replied to her. This repeated itself three times until both of their gazes suddenly fell on me, and I felt like a deer caught in the highlights. I quickly averted my eyes, feeling my heart thump in my chest.

Staring up at the ceiling, I ignored the fact that the stylist probably got pissed at me for moving my head. But if it weren't for her, I would have probably been running my hands over my face right now. How embarrassing.

But when I let myself think about it, it didn't make sense that they had only looked at me because they noticed me staring. There was no need to look at me like that if that was the case.

As this thought started processing in my head, I could feel curiosity build up inside me, making me slowly turn my gaze to them again. To my slight surprise, Leah wasn't there any longer, but Harry was, and his eyes were still stuck on me, sadness flashing through them. He then pushed himself closer to the edge of the stage and hopped down on the floor before walking away, making me feel oddly guilty.

Things didn't get better after that. We didn't say anything to each other for the rest of the evening, and the more time that passed, the more quiet he seemed to get. He closed in on himself, continuing not to talk to anyone. I started wondering if I had made the right decision to stay away from him after all. But at the same time, I felt as though I had at least done what he asked for. Because this was what he wanted, wasn't it?

Sadly, the group of five girls had to leave the show that night. It was a sad moment for all of us in the category, so I spent the rest of the evening with them and let Harry slip my mind, which was probably for the best.

It was pretty late when I drove home, but it wasn't until I went to bed that the curly-haired man entered my mind again, and unfortunately, he didn't leave for the rest of the night after that.

I spent the entire Sunday and Monday thinking about what to do when I would meet him on Tuesday. Should I continue in this pattern and try to stay away from him like he wanted me to - even though it hurt, or should I talk to him and try to make things better between us just because I couldn't stop myself from wanting to?

In the end, I decided that it would depend on how he was acting. If he would still be quiet and off, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to stop myself from wanting to confront him about it, but if he would be happy and act as if Saturday never happened, as if my absence didn't have any effect on him, then I would continue trying to stay away the best I could.

It turned out I would get an answer pretty quickly because when I entered the arena on Tuesday morning, he was sitting on one of the couches with Nick while Perrie was sitting opposite them on the other one. Patrick and a few other crew members were in the room as well, but I couldn't focus on them when I saw Harry's appearance. He was wearing his black sunglasses, an unreadable expression on his face with one of his legs crossed over the other.

He didn't seem to acknowledge his surroundings, even if he turned his face in different directions once in a while. It made me knit my eyebrows, and I couldn't help but think of what he had told me just the other day.

"It's just easy to hide behind them."

I started wondering if this was a sign, that he wanted me to know that he was trying to hide his emotions since he knew I was aware of why he wore them now.

I couldn't take my eyes off him for a second as Patrick talked to us, so I barely registered a word he said. However, I was pretty sure he went through the same thing he did every Tuesday; that there was a list of songs on the table across the room.

When he was finished talking and we were free to go, I could see Harry lingering in his seat while Nick and Perrie got up to fetch a list of the songs. I was just about to open my mouth and confront him about what was going on when he got up from his seat as well, not even acknowledging my attempt at talking to him.

Mentally letting out a sigh, I ran my hands over my face. Why were things always so complicated between us? Why couldn't it be easy, just like it had been back in the days? Everything had just fallen into place without any effort, but now it seemed like a large obstacle was in the way for things to work between us.

"Hey, is something wrong?"

I snapped my head to my right, seeing Logan sit down next to me on the couch. His brown hair was a bit disheveled, as if the wind had messed it up on his way into the arena, but it actually made him look pretty good.

"Um... no?"

He pursed his lips, nodding his head. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me. I'm all ears," he said, smiling gently.

"Thanks," I replied, my lips curling slightly as well. "I appreciate it."

He nodded before letting his gaze fall on something to my left. "So, you and Harry," he stated. "I couldn't help but notice that you two seemed closer a few days ago. Are you friends again?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I swallowed. If I were honest, I was a bit surprised that he had picked up on that, but he must have been observant. "Not really, I guess."

He noticed by my short answer that I didn't want to talk about it, so he just nodded. "As I just said, I'm here if you want to talk about it. I know I'm not aware of what happened between you two, but since it seems to mean a lot to you, I want you to know that you can tell me if you want to," he said, giving me a sad smile.

I realized then just how much he seemed to care about me, and I had no idea what to think of that. There were so many things on my mind at the moment, and this was something I didn't have time to worry about, although I appreciated his concern. No matter what, I was pretty sure telling another person about my and Harry's past was not a good idea, and certainly not someone I wasn't sure I could trust. I was positive Simon wouldn't appreciate it either. Not that I cared about his opinion, but I knew better than telling people about me and Harry.

"I appreciate your concern, Logan, I really do, but I'd rather not talk about it if I'm honest. I hope you understand," I replied, curling my lips slightly.

"Of course, Louis. I'll be here whenever you're ready, though," he smiled gently.

I returned his smile the best I could. "Thank you."

He got up from his seat then, reaching out to touch me on the shoulder. "Anytime, Lou." With that said, he walked away to get back to work.

I stared after him for a while, thinking about what he had just told me. I wondered how much he actually liked me and if his concern was merely friendly or if it was more to it. I also thought of the fact that he had been observant enough to notice what was going on between me and Harry. I had not been aware it was that obvious, but apparently, I was wrong. Maybe he even knew who I had been looking at that time in the arena when I had been sitting in the audience with my eyes directed at the stage.

When I turned my gaze to the left side of the room, it instantly fell on the man I had once called my boyfriend since he was already staring at me. He was still wearing his sunglasses so that I couldn't see his eyes, but I was pretty sure there was no glint of happiness in them if the frown on his lips was anything to go by.

Before I could acknowledge anything else, though, he walked away, leaving the room in a hurry. That was the moment I decided I couldn't sit and watch this play out any longer, so I got up from my seat and followed him out of the room, not even bothering to grab the list of songs on my way.

He had gotten quite far with his long strides and quick pace, but I could see him turn the corner at the end of the hallway, so I quickened my steps as well, almost jogging through the hallway to catch up with him.

Since I made sure to keep as quiet as possible, he didn't acknowledge that I was following him, so he was shocked when I reached out to grab his hand and stop him. He turned around in a swift movement, his eyes falling on me in surprise. He composed himself quickly, though, and retreated his hand while knitting his eyebrows. "Louis, wha-"

"Why are you acting like this?" I cut him off, feeling adrenaline pumping in my veins.

He opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. He just turned his eyes to the floor, the crease between his eyebrows deepening.

"I thought this was what you wanted," I continued, breathing unevenly after my jog. "You've told me plenty of times that you're scared of us getting close, so I figured I should keep my distance, but now you're acting as you did all those weeks ago, and I don't understand why." I bit my lip, feeling all energy leave my body. I just felt so hopeless because I didn't know what to do. Nothing was working. If I tried to get close to him, he complained about it, and now that I kept my distance, he acted as if I had hurt him. So what did he want me to do?

"And you're wearing your sunglasses again," I added, my voice almost cracking.

I could see how his shoulders sagged as he reached up to take off his Ray-Bans, letting his eyes show. I didn't know what to expect, but I was pretty sure I wasn't expecting his eyes to be puffy. He must have either slept very poorly or been crying. Either way, the sight made my lips part, and I couldn't help but reach my hand up to his face. I refrained myself before I could touch him, though, and let my hand drop to my side.

I opened my mouth to talk, but he beat me to it. "I know I told you more than once that I'm scared of getting too close to you, but..." He trailed off, looking up to meet my eyes, pain evident in his own. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to... if that makes sense? Yes, I am scared as hell, but I've realized that it doesn't really matter because... I want you to talk to me. I want us to get closer. I just... yeah..." He explained, running his hands over his face after pocketing his sunglasses in his black jeans.

It felt like all air had been knocked out of my lungs, which left me with no other choice but to inhale a large breath, letting his words sink in. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, my heart thumping loudly in my chest.

He pursed his lips. "Because there is this constant battle inside my head. One part of me wants to make sure you're not getting too close, while the other part gets upset when you're too far away. They're trying to conquer each other, which is making me a complete mess. I'm sorry about that," he apologized, his eyes filled with regret.

Shaking my head, I took a step closer to him. "Don't be. I just... I just wish I had known. I wouldn't have tried doing anything you didn't want me to," I said, looking into his green irises. "And I understand that this is difficult for you. I know it's not easy for you to trust me after what I did, so... let's take things slow, yeah?"

He nodded, a small smile breaking out on his face. "That sounds great."

I returned his smile, looking into his still puffy eyes. I wanted to reach up and touch the spot right below his left eye with the pad of my thumb, let it run over his soft skin gently, but I was afraid he wouldn't like that very much. "Maybe you should keep your sunglasses on today," I said, biting my lip.

An amused smile formed on his lips as he let out a light chuckle. "Never thought I would hear you say those words."

My lips twitched as I let out a chuckle myself. "I guess I've changed my mind."

Reaching into the pocket of his jeans, he fished his Ray-Bans back up, placing them on the bridge of his nose. "You know, there was never a time I wore them when there wasn't a reason behind it. Even if crying wasn't the reason every time, there was always something," he told me, making me swallow.

I nodded, turning my gaze to the floor before looking back up at him. "I've realized that. I'm uh... I'm sorry I was being so rude to you about them. I just... I just didn't like how they made you into someone I didn't recognize. It scared me somehow, that the guy I once fell in love with was gone. So I guess you succeeded in your plan," I grimaced, shifting my weight from one foot to the other.

His lips twitched into a faint smile. "I was never gone. I just tried to be."

A large knot formed in my stomach because even though I had heard him say it before, it still hurt that he had gone so far as to try being someone he wasn't just to keep me away from him. "I'm sorry," I whispered, looking down in shame.

He shook his head. "It was my decision," he pointed out, making me furrow my eyebrows.

"But it was my fault the thought even crossed your mind."

He let out a sigh. "It doesn't matter," he said, reaching out to grab my hand, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

The touch made my breath hitch since I wasn't expecting it. My gaze flicked down to where our skin touched, his hand holding mine so gently as he ran his thumb over my skin. I couldn't help the racing of my heart nor the shivers that ran down my spine.

"We should go back," he mumbled a few seconds later, and it wasn't until then I noticed that I had closed my eyes, letting myself savor the feeling of his hand in mine.

Fluttering them open, I gazed into the green of his eyes while taking a step back. Our hands fell back to our sides, small smiles gracing our lips as we looked at each other. "Yeah," I breathed. "They're probably wondering where we are."

He nodded, and together, we started making our way towards the stage, walking closer to each other than we had done in years.

-----

The next few days were even better than I could imagine between me and Harry. It was as if our conversation in the corridor had been a breaking point, where Harry realized a greater part of him wanted to forgive me than not. I wasn't complaining. If anything, I was happier than I had been in years. I found myself smiling even at times when no funny situation had occurred. Being around Harry just made me so incredibly happy.

I was pretty sure people around us noticed it as well since he was in a better mood too, and we were hanging with each other quite often at work. It was pretty hard to miss. I could tell Perrie was happy for us judging by the smirk she would have on her lips as she caught me and Harry talking to each other. She even approached me on Wednesday, telling me how much I deserved it.

I wasn't sure about that, though. She didn't know what I had done to Harry, and the reason I still couldn't let it slip my mind was that I kept receiving dark glares from Nick. He didn't come up to me like he did that time last week, but he still made it obvious that he wasn't enjoying the fact that Harry and I were getting along now. If it was because he was trying to look out for him, or that he was jealous, I didn't know, but it could easily be both.

Things weren't all sunshine and roses, though. Even if things were working better between us, I would still find myself hesitating around him. I had yet to find out what was too much for him, and I was afraid I would cross the line without even knowing it.

I could also tell that even if he was more relaxed around me now, he was still holding back, which didn't surprise me since I knew it would take time for him to trust me again. I missed him, though. I missed being with him like I had once been. But fuck, I knew I was asking too much.

It was now Friday, the day we were going to Liam's house to have a get-together. We still had to attend work before that, though, and I was currently helping my two groups that were still left in the competition, giving them advice for tomorrow.

"We had it rough last week, what with losing the girls, but now it's a new week with new opportunities. I know you guys have worked your asses off these last few days, and I'm sure you're going to be amazing tomorrow. So just remember to go out there and have fun, yeah?"

One of the twins, Bella, raised her hand, so I motioned for her to talk. "I just wanted to say that we're lucky to have you as our coach. You always got our backs and push us to do our best, so yeah... thank you," she said, the other guys nodding in agreement.

A wide smile broke out on my face. "I'm pretty sure I should be the one saying thank you. Seeing you work so hard for this is amazing. You're really making my job easy."

They chuckled, exchanging smiles with me and each other.

Not long after that, we separated from one another, heading in different directions. Since we were the only people in the arena, I figured I should leave too, so I exited the stage and walked to the lounge room.

I was taken by surprise when I saw that Harry and Nick were the only two people in the room. They were sitting on one of the couches, their bodies almost pressed together as they were watching something on Nick's phone. The sight made a knot form in my stomach, but I ignored it the best I could as I sat down in front of them, clearing my throat.

Harry looked up first, a small smile forming on his pink lips. He was wearing his Columbia sweater and a pair of grey joggers, his sunglasses nowhere to be seen. This fact along with the smile he sent me made the knot disappear, and I could feel my lips curl as I looked at him.

"What are you up to?" I asked, flicking my gaze between them and the phone in Nick's hand.

Before Nick could answer (which he didn't seem to have any intention to do), Harry opened his mouth to talk. "Nick's showing me a video of two kittens cuddling," he said, making Nick let out a loud scoff.

"The fuck, Styles? I'm not showing you a video of sappy cats," he huffed, faking offense. "I'm way more manly than that."

Harry raised his eyebrows at him, amusement evident in his features. "You, manly? Please, even Perrie is manlier than you, Grimshaw," he pointed out, rolling his eyes.

"Says the man who paints his nails in different colors every week. Oh, and should we bring up that time I caught you wearing a dress?" He retorted with a raised brow, his phone long forgotten.

Harry rolled his eyes, the amusement remaining on his features. "Please, Nick. Clothes and nail polish don't have a gender. You if anyone should know that. Good try, but I win," he smirked, making Nick blink at him. Even if it was weird seeing them talk like this, I had to give it to Harry. He was good.

"Fuck off, Styles," Nick huffed, getting up from the couch to leave the room, but not before sending me a dark look. I ignored it, though, which I had gotten pretty used to doing lately.

Harry didn't seem bothered by Nick's words as he turned to me, the smile still evident on his face. I couldn't help but return it, feeling the corners of my lips twitch. "So, no video of cuddling cats?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

He shook his head, a chuckle escaping his lips. "No, unfortunately not. Just some joke between his mates at the radio station," he explained, glancing at the now closed door of the lounge room. I was honestly a bit surprised that he had left us alone.

I nodded in understanding, looking around the room before focusing on him again, feeling a bit nervous all of a sudden. "So, are you going to Liam's place tonight?" I asked, letting my teeth sink into my bottom lip, the atmosphere getting more tense by the second.

He shrugged his shoulders, pursing his lips. "Yeah, I guess. You?" He replied, looking at me curiously.

"That's the plan."

He nodded, looking down at his fingers on his lap. "I guess I'll see you there then," he said, his lips twitching as he looked up and tilted his head to the side.

"Yeah," I replied, pulling at my bottom lip with my fingers.

I knitted my eyebrows as a thought entered my head. There was something I had wanted to ask him about since Saturday. I just hadn't found the courage to do so yet since I didn't know what his reaction would be.

"Um... Can I ask you a question?" I asked tentatively, looking at him through my lashes.

He shrugged, seeming unbothered. "Sure."

I turned my gaze to my lap, fiddling with a loose string of my jeans. "I kind of wanted to ask you about Leah," I said hesitantly, watching as a look of confusion crossed his face, the famous crease forming between his brows.

"Leah?"

"Yeah," I swallowed. "I couldn't help but notice the way you both looked at me the other day. You know, when I was keeping a distance. It just made me wonder if you've told her about us?" I questioned, inhaling a large breath. I could almost feel myself sweating, knowing how he reacted last time Leah was brought up in our conversation.

His mouth formed the shape of an 'o' as he realized what I was referring to. "Oh, you mean that. No, I haven't. She just figured I was unusually quiet and asked me about it, but she already assumed it had to do with you. Not in a romantic way, of course. I guess people are more observant at this place than I first thought," he explained, looking me in the eyes.

I nodded, thinking about the way Logan had picked up on our friendship as well. Maybe that had to do with the fact that I had told him a few months ago that we weren't friends anymore and hadn't been in a long time, though, so it might not be that weird that he had picked up on it. And Leah had been on a date with Harry just a couple of days ago, so it probably wasn't weird that she had an eye on him either.

"Maybe it's because you two were pretty close? I mean, you were on two dates after all," I shrugged, shifting in my seat.

He let out a snort, shaking his head. "They should barely count as dates. I basically just drove her home that evening when she joined us in the hallway, and you know what happened the other time," he mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

I felt strangely happy about this fact, even if he had pretty much convinced me when he picked me up from the pub that he didn't just drive her home that night. He was such a liar. "She doesn't seem very pissed at you, though. I mean, since you basically told her you don't want to date her anymore," I remarked.

He looked up at me then, his brows furrowed. "Yeah, I know. Somehow, it feels like she just wants what's best for me, if that makes sense? I mean, I'm sure she's disappointed about it, but it's like being my friend means more to her than not being anything to me at all."

A hesitant smile formed on my lips. "It sounds like she's a great girl," I said slowly.

A chuckle escaped his lips. "She hasn't done anything to prove me otherwise, so I guess so," he shrugged.

I nodded, looking down at my lap. If I were honest, I couldn't see what made him not want to date her, despite knowing what I came to terms with the other day about myself, that I might be part of the reason. She did sound like good girlfriend material, though, and I wondered if there was anything not to like about her. It surprised me that he felt the need to leave her place that night, but I guess if it didn't feel right, there was nothing to do about it.

"Don't give me that look, Louis," Harry muttered, and when I looked back up at him, I could see the scowl on his face. It made me knit my brows in confusion.

"What look?"

He pursed his lips. "The one that makes the people looking at you feel like they've hurt you deeply. It makes me feel guilty, and I don't know what for," he explained, running a hand through his dark curls.

I let out a dry chuckle. "Says the one who's been giving me that look the last month, although I know I deserve it," I replied. My intention was not to sound harsh in the slightest, but judging from the way his face fell, I could tell that the words hit him hard.

A look of realization crossed his face, his eyebrows knitting together. It was as if he hadn't thought about it until now. "I'm sorry," he apologized.

Letting out a sigh, I sagged my shoulders. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it... or, at least not like that. I didn't mean any harm with it."

He bit his lip. "I'm sorry anyway," he mumbled.

"Don't be," I reassured him, trying to make eye contact. It took a few seconds until he looked up, his green eyes finding mine hesitantly.

We exchanged a small smile before getting up from our seats since it was time to head home for the day. I was pretty sure it was even later than it should be. "I'll see you later, yeah?" I said, keeping my eyes on him as he picked up his phone from the couch.

He turned around, meeting my gaze with a nod of his head. "Of course. I have a feeling tonight's going to be fun," he grinned, his left dimple showing.

I nodded in agreement, cracking a smile myself. "Yeah, me too."

With that said, we walked out of the lounge room and headed our separate ways.

Chapter Text

Later that evening, I found myself standing in front of the mirror in my bedroom, taking in my appearance. I was wearing a black sweatshirt and a pair of light blue jeans. I had also styled my hair up in a quiff because I thought I might as well put a little effort into my looks when I would meet the boys, especially Harry.

Pursing my lips, I turned around to look at my back, deciding that it would have to do. I then went downstairs, noticing that Clifford was lying in his bed on my way to the hallway, his head perking up as I walked by him. "I'll be home soon. I promise, Cliff," I said, sending him a smile before continuing to the hallway.

Once I had shrugged on my red Adidas jacket and my black Vans, I headed outside. Unfortunately, it was raining, so I sprinted to my car and quickly got into my black Audi after locking the front door behind me. I was aware that I would probably drink alcohol tonight, so I would have to leave my car at Liam's place, but I was positive he wouldn't mind.

The drive to his place didn't take too long. It was located pretty close to my and Harry's old house, the one he still lived in, so it only lasted for about twenty minutes. Once I was outside his gate, I punched in the code he had told me when he moved here before parking my car in his driveway.

I wasn't sure if Harry and Niall had taken a cab or if Harry had walked the small distance, but their cars were nowhere to be seen. I could also be the first to arrive, but I was running a bit late, so I was pretty sure that wasn't the case.

Getting out of the car, I jogged over to the front door of Liam's white house, which was almost as big as mine. I rang the bell once before opening the door, not bothering to wait for him to open it for me. "Hello?" I called out once I was inside, taking off my jacket.

A few seconds later, Liam showed up, wearing a white button-up and a pair of black dress pants. His lips twitched as he caught sight of me, and he didn't hesitate to walk over and bring me into a hug, squeezing me tightly against his frame. "It's so nice to see you again, Tommo," he greeted once he had pulled away, his brown eyes twinkling from the lights in the room.

"You too, Liam. How have you been?" I asked, toeing off my Vans. It was then I noticed two other pairs of shoes I was pretty confident weren't Liam's, so Niall and Harry must already be here.

"I've been great, thanks. What about you? How's the show going?" He wondered, looking at me curiously.

Grimacing, I thought of what happened last weekend. "I lost one of the groups last week, but other than that, it's been great. They're all very motivated, which makes it easy to work with them," I explained.

He nodded. "Yeah, I saw that. It's a piss-take that they had to leave, but I'm sure you'll keep the other two groups in the competition for a while. They're amazing, and they were already from the beginning."

"I hope so," I smiled, suddenly hearing a loud bark of laughter coming from the living room. I had heard it so many times in the past that it was easy for me to tell it belonged to Niall. You could never not identify his laugh.

Raising my eyebrows at Liam, I let out a chuckle. "Sounds like someone's having a laugh. How long have they been here?"

A small, knowing smile formed on Liam's lips, probably thinking about the curly-haired one and not the one who had just laughed. "Only for about ten minutes. We're just chatting. It's been a while, yeah?"

"Yeah," I agreed, taking a step further into the house. "Let's join them then."

His living room was located close to the hallway, so we entered the room in a matter of seconds, and my eyes instantly fell on the two figures on the large, grey couch. Niall was sprawled across one part of it, laying on his side and facing us while Harry was sitting up, his elbows on his thighs as he shook his head, probably to something Niall had just said.

The second they noticed us walking in, Harry looked up, his green eyes finding mine. A small smile formed on his pink lips, stretching across his face. He was wearing a red, short-sleeved button-up and a pair of black skinny jeans. It was an outfit I hadn't seen him wear in years, and he looked good. Extremely good, and his beautiful smile only added to it.

"Hey, guys," I greeted, my eyes lingering on Harry's figure. I couldn't make myself look away from him.

"Hi, Tommo," Niall replied, lightening up at my arrival. "Welcome to the party."

It wasn't until then I noticed the beer bottles on the coffee table. There were some shot glasses as well, so I assumed vodka and maybe Jägermeister were in the game too. Aside from the alcohol, Liam had placed a bowl of popcorn on the table, but one-third of it was already gone, and I was positive Niall was the reason behind it.

"Damn, look at that," I chuckled, walking over to sit down between Niall's feet and Harry's tall figure. There was no longer a reason for me to sit on the other side of the couch, and I was not going to miss out on a chance to sit next to Harry if I didn't have to.

Liam sat down on Harry's other side, the spot where the couch changed direction so that he could see all of us. Meanwhile, I reached out to open a beer bottle and bring it to my lips to take a swig of it. I could feel Harry's gaze on me the entire time, so I turned to wiggle my eyebrows at him, which he rolled his eyes at.

Liam noticed our interaction, and the smile that broke out on his face was impossible to miss. "I'm so glad that you all could come tonight. It was a lot of fun in Ibiza, although there were a few complications, so I have a feeling tonight's going to be even better," he said, taking a swig of his own beer.

"Oh, yeah," Niall interposed, reaching out to grab a handful of popcorn. "Now that Harry and Louis aren't fighting anymore, nothing can really go wrong."

I let out a huff. "Thanks a lot, Niall. I appreciate your straightforwardness," I snorted, making him turn to look at me with a wide smile.

"Anytime, Lou."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to Liam, who had a look of amusement on his face. "What Niall means is now that we're all on good terms, the atmosphere is going to be even better between us. Just like old times," he smiled, tilting his head to the side.

Harry pursed his lips, furrowing his brows. "Come on, Liam, we didn't ruin that much. And I'm sorry to say this, but without Zayn, I'm sure it won't really feel like old times," he grimaced.

My heart suddenly felt heavy in my chest, and I had to swallow hard. He was right. Even if we stayed together for ten months after he left, it never felt the same without him, which wasn't hard to believe. He was one of us since the start after all.

After a while of silence, Niall spoke up hesitantly. "Speaking of Zayn, have any of you been in contact with him lately?" He asked, and I could suddenly feel everyone's gazes on me.

"Why are you looking at me?" I muttered, furrowing my brows. "You guys already know we haven't said a word to each other since he left."

Liam let out a sigh. "Because you were the closest to him. Everyone knows that. You'd think after three years you've worked out whatever happened between you, but you haven't," he said, pouting his lips.

I shook my head, my brows still in a frown. "Things can't start working out if neither of us has even tried to contact the other. I'm pretty sure he's still pissed at me for our fight when he left, so I don't see things changing anytime soon."

"You can't know if you haven't tried," Harry pointed out, taking me by surprise. I wasn't expecting him to comment on this since we hadn't spoken about Zayn since before our breakup.

I nodded, averting my gaze to my lap. "True. I just... I'm not a person who likes to deal with stuff like that. I usually wait for the other person to make the first move..." I trailed off, biting my lip.

Liam let out a light chuckle. "Oh, yeah. We already know that," he said, and when I looked up, I could see him glancing at Harry pointedly. Thankfully, Harry didn't notice since he was too busy looking at me.

I turned to meet his green eyes, feeling my features instantly relax and turn into a smile as I saw the sympathetic look on his face. "If you want things to change between you, I'd say you should at least try. He's never been one to hold grudges," he added, making me let out a sigh. He was right again.

"I know. I'll think about it. I mean, it's not like I don't miss him," I mumbled.

"I'm pretty sure we all do," Niall said with a sigh, getting up in a sitting position. "But he did what was best for him, and no one should blame him for that, even if he left in the middle of the tour without warning."

That was pretty much what our fight had been about, other than the fact that he was actually leaving us. He was my best friend, the one person I had trusted the most besides Harry and my family, yet he went behind my back and just left without a single word. It hurt, and I was sad and disappointed at the time, but Niall was right. No one should blame him for wanting to leave for the sake of his health, and I was over what happened a long time ago now.

Harry nodded his head. "It wasn't the best way to leave, but I feel like I'm speaking for us all when I say that we've put that behind us. I haven't talked to him since he left either, but I wouldn't mind doing it if we crossed paths. We share a lot of memories with him after all."

We all nodded, falling into silence. That was until Liam's lips twitched, and a burst of laughter escaped his mouth, making us all look at him in confusion. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "All this just made me think of that time when he and Louis pranked us with Nickelodeon, and you fell for it so badly, Harry. You refused to leave the pregnant woman's side," he laughed while looking at Harry.

The curly-haired man's lips formed a pout as Niall burst into laughter as well, and I couldn't blame them. I remembered how much fun it had been to prank them at the time, especially Harry, since he was too much of a gentleman not to help the best he could in a situation like that. Therefore, I couldn't stop my lips from twitching as well.

"Shut up, Liam," he huffed. "It wasn't even that funny. Besides, it was years ago."

Liam raised his hands in surrender, his laughter dying out. "Sorry, H. But it was kinda funny, though."

Harry just shot him a playful glare before reaching out to grab his beer. Niall, on the other hand, hadn't finished laughing and was now clutching his stomach. "It's not even the most awkward thing you've done. Do you remember that awful fall you did on stage? Like, it was so bad that Ellen had it on repeat," he laughed, and I couldn't hide the smile that was taking over my features anymore.

Harry let out a loud groan, running his hands over his face. "Guys, stop mocking me. You've done plenty of awkward things as well," he reminded us, taking a swig of his beer. "You literally ran right into a sign while we were doing an interview, Niall. Do you remember that?"

Niall didn't stop laughing as he nodded. "Of course. That was hilarious. I have no idea what I was thinking if I'm honest. Wonder what I had consumed that day."

I shook my head in amusement, remembering how I had lost my train of thought while looking at Harry and then had to point at the camera to tear his eyes away from me in that same interview. It was beside the point, but it was a memory that still lived in my mind.

"Well, if we're talking about awkward moments, shouldn't we bring up all the times Harry and Louis practically made everything awkward? Like the interview when we were in the Go-cart arena, for instance? You were asked about who's in front and who's behind when you play Mario, not when it comes to your sex life, Jesus Christ," Liam laughed, and Niall instantly joined him.

I could feel my cheeks heat up, remembering that interview like it was yesterday. I wouldn't mind talking about it if it weren't for the fact that Harry was sitting right next to me, and we clearly weren't ready to speak about it yet. If ever.

I could see Harry shift in his seat through the corner of my eye, and I could tell he was having similar thoughts to mine.

"Oh, and what about when we were all late to that interview in Germany just because they were having sex in the dressing room? As if it wasn't already obvious that Louis was a sweaty mess, Harry started talking about losing his trousers while Liam talked about his curls. I mean, how could people not realize what had been going on?" Niall continued, and I was sure I was bright red by now.

"Niall, we're sitting right here," I reminded him, raising my eyebrows at him pointedly.

He raised his hands, still chuckling. "I'm sorry, guys. It was hilarious, though. I miss those days a lot. We didn't go a day without laughing at something."

Liam nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and it was mostly thanks to Tommo. He was an expert at causing trouble," he smiled, turning his gaze to look at me.

I could feel my lips curl at his compliment. "Thanks, Payno. I tried my best," I teased.

Through the corner of my eye, I could see Harry intertwining his fingers on his lap. "Can we stop talking about awkward situations now and bring up good ones instead?" He inquired, making it obvious he didn't appreciate the topic Niall and Liam had been talking about either.

Niall brightened up at his words, not seeming to take the words to heart. "Of course. My favorite memory is probably our concert in Milan, the one that was recorded. It was just mindblowing to see when they used those colored papers to create what they did. I felt like we had really succeeded then, that we had accomplished something huge."

"Oh, yeah, definitely," Liam agreed. "It's one of my favorite memories as well, although I can't put anything above the day we were told we were through to the live shows. Since I never made it through Judges' houses the first time I auditioned, it's always been a special moment for me," he explained.

"Mine's probably the day we released 'What Makes You Beautiful'," Harry said, his lips curling. "That was when I realized we were actually about to become something big. I've probably never felt as high on life as I did that day."

It was one of my favorite moments as well because, as he said, that was when we started realizing that we weren't just going to be forgotten by everyone, but rather the opposite. "What about when we were put together in the band?" I questioned, flicking my gaze between all of them until I stopped at Harry. "Neither of us would be where we are today if it weren't for that moment."

Harry sent me a smile. "True. I guess it's everyone's favorite moment if you think about it since none of the other moments would exist if it weren't for it. And there are even more great situations than the ones we've brought up now. Sometimes I have a hard time believing that we achieved all the things we did together. It's just mindblowing," he said in awe, the smile growing more prominent on his face.

"Yeah, it definitely is," Niall agreed. "I find myself thinking about it too sometimes, and it makes me want to go back in time and relive it all. But above everything else, I'm so proud of what we managed to do together. You're some of the best people I've ever met, and I could never ask to be in a band with anyone else."

I turned to him, an amused smile forming on my lips. "Aw, Niall's going all sappy on us. We love you too, mate," I promised, patting him on the shoulder.

He just rolled his eyes while reaching out to grab another handful of popcorn. "Just telling the truth is all," he shrugged, and when I turned to look at Liam, I could see the adoration on his face. He had always been the father of the group, the one who had basically taken care of us when needed.

"Maybe we should stop this until we all start crying," I chuckled, taking a swig of my beer.

"I don't mind," Liam smiled, but I could tell that he agreed.

Harry and Niall did as well, and we started talking about our present lives instead. This went on for the next couple of hours until it started getting dark outside. No one was ready to leave yet, though, considering we hadn't had this much fun in years. It was like we were back in time, making fun of each other and just having a great laugh together.

But it had been a few hours since I arrived, and I was starting to get desperate to have a smoke, so I got up from my seat and excused myself. After slipping my feet into my Vans and shrugging on my jacket, I exited the house and didn't waste more than a second to reach into the pocket of my jacket for my cigarette pack. I fished up a stick and put it between my lips before lightening it up. I then inhaled a deep puff of smoke, letting it fill my lungs.

After a couple of drags, I leaned down to rest my forearms on the railing of Liam's porch, looking out into the dark night. My head was spinning a bit from the alcohol I had consumed the last few hours, but it was nothing compared to how drunk I was that night at the pub. This was a lot more bearable in comparison.

My train of thought was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening behind me. I turned around in surprise, feeling my heart pick up its pace at the sight of Harry coming into view, his dark curls looking perfect as he shrugged on his black coat. "It's getting quite cold outside, isn't it?" He commented, making my lips twitch.

Instead of answering his question, I tilted my head to the side. "So, is this becoming a tradition then? That you're following me out when I'm having a smoke?"

A light chuckle escaped his lips as he walked over to stand beside me. "Who knows? Maybe I'm just very interested in trying out myself," he teased, making me roll my eyes.

"I have a strong feeling you only did that to piss me off, though. Everything to make me not recognize you, right?" I said knowingly, and he had to look away to hide his face since it was most likely giving him away. "That's what I thought."

He turned to look at me then, amusement evident in his features. "Oh, please. I did a great job. You totally believed me."

"As if," I said, rolling my eyes. "I would never think you'd willingly started smoking. You've always hated that I do, so I could never fall for it."

He let out a huff, sticking his hands into the pockets of his coat. "Fine, you win."

"Don't I always?" I grinned, nudging him in the side with my hip playfully.

He just smiled while shaking his head, going silent. I did too, letting myself enjoy the peaceful night and his presence. It was more comfortable than it probably should be, but I enjoyed it. It was one of the first times in years it didn't feel awkward when we were surrounded by silence.

"So, now that we're talking about this... is there anything else I should know that you've done to keep me away from you?" I asked after a while, biting my lip.

He turned to me hesitantly, a crease forming between his eyebrows. "Apart from the obvious, I am pretty sure there's only one thing," he admitted, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

Suddenly feeling nervous, I swallowed. "Which is...?"

He averted his gaze, fiddling with the rings on his fingers. "I may have tried to date Leah because of it?" He said. It almost came out as a question instead of a statement.

My mouth formed the shape of an 'o' as my jaw dropped. Did he just admit that he had agreed to go on a date with Leah just to keep me at a distance?

"Can you explain yourself further?" I asked, feeling a lump form in my throat.

He let out a sigh, running a hand through his dark curls. "It's selfish, stupid and heartless. I just... I just thought that since you started showing signs of wanting to talk to me, it would be easier to handle it if I was dating her because then you would stay away."

I stared at him for a long time, my mouth still agape. "Oh, God," I breathed. "I can't believe you did all that just to... Fuck, Harry, you should have just told me that you didn't want me to get close. I would have understood. I would never do anything you're uncomfortable with," I repeated from the other day.

"I know," he mumbled, looking down in shame. "I just... I didn't know what to do, and it felt like the easiest way out because talking to you wasn't really an option, but I kind of wanted things to work out between me and Leah too. It's just... I couldn't do it, which I should have known after my other failed attempts. I just thought it might be different."

Closing my eyes, I took one last drag of my cigarette before putting it out. "I understand," I mumbled, feeling my heart clench. "Do you still feel the need to, you know, do stuff like that... to keep me away?" I asked hesitantly, looking up at him.

He furrowed his brows, shaking his head. "No," he said. "I thought it was obvious after what I told you on Tuesday. When you started avoiding me, I realized that the part that wants to be around you overweighs the one that doesn't. So not talking to you isn't an option anymore. I want us to get closer, and I want to be able to trust you again, just like I told you that time in the dressing room."

I pursed my lips, averting my gaze again. "Yeah, you said that, yet you started acting weird only a day after it took place, so I thought you were backing out on everything, and that's why I started avoiding you because I thought it was what you wanted. I just... I just want you to be completely sure this is what you want so that I won't be greeted with a big surprise in a few days," I explained.

He let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I only acted that way because I was pissed at myself for not being able to date Leah, and it felt like you suddenly knew too much due to that phone call. I didn't want things to go too fast, but when you started avoiding me, I realized that I'd rather we talk about things I'm uncomfortable with than having you not talk to me at all," he admitted, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip.

I shook my head, a frown forming on my lips. "Please don't say that," I whispered, feeling my heart ache in my chest. "I'd never want to put you in a situation you're uncomfortable with. I should have known by the way you got distant when we were on the phone and the way you mentioned that you didn't want to talk to me about it."

His lips curled sadly as he shook his head. "It's okay. I was being stupid anyway. I just didn't want you to find out why I tried to date her, and uh... yeah, but I should have handled the situation better," he mumbled, an apologetic look making its way to his features.

I sent him a sad smile in return. "At least I know now. I promise I will try my best not to make you uncomfortable again, but if I do, just tell me, okay? I understand that this is difficult for you, and I've already agreed that we should take things slow. I want you to be able to trust me again, probably more than you do, and maybe that's why I'm so eager to make things better between us. But just talk to me if it ever happens again, alright? I don't want you to feel like you have to distance yourself and act like someone you're not because of me," I pleaded, my eyes filled with sincerity.

His features turned soft as he nodded. "I promise, Lou," he said, his left dimple appearing as his lips curled.

"Good," I smiled, studying his beautiful features. I still couldn't believe that this man had once told me that he loved me, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. It was hard to believe that someone so lovely inside and out had wanted to be with me like that. Yet, I let go of him, and I was starting to wonder if I would ever get the chance to make things right again.

"We should probably head inside, yeah?" He asked, glancing over his shoulder.

"Yeah," I agreed reluctantly, wanting to stay here with him for the rest of the night, and preferably even longer than that.

But I guess I wasn't that lucky.

Chapter Text

Neither of my acts had to leave the competition the third week of the live shows. I was relieved by this, not only because I didn't want to lose them but also because none of them would have deserved it.

It was a girl in Perrie's category who had to leave. It wasn't the one who had shown her support for me and Harry, Aaliyah, but a blonde girl I was pretty sure was from Newcastle. She may not have had the best confidence on stage, but her voice was great, so it was a shame that she had to leave. However, one act would have to go every week, no matter how sad it was, and there could only be one winner in the end.

After that, the days went by, and we continued working with our acts for the next live show. I realized that it all started falling into a pattern. We went to work on Tuesday to agree on a song for every act, then worked on the performance for the rest of the week until it was time for the live show on Saturday, and then we were free Sunday and Monday only for it all to repeat itself.

I didn't know what to think of it. I liked having routines, but I usually got bored when things were repeated for a long time. We had now spent three weeks doing the same thing, and I couldn't help but feel as though I wanted something to happen, something that would break the pattern that had occurred.

But maybe I shouldn't be complaining. Being a judge on The X Factor was the best job I had ever had, except being in One Direction. I knew that if I'd had an ordinary career, I would probably think this was heaven in comparison because routines were usually involved in regular jobs. Of course, it depended on what job you had, but I was pretty sure most of them didn't include getting to travel the country and being on vacation in Ibiza.

These thoughts circled my head as I drove to work on Friday, a week after our get-together at Liam's place. There wasn't much traffic today, and maybe that was because it was almost ten in the morning; most people were at work or school already. Therefore, the ride didn't take too long, so I soon entered the arena.

Everyone except Nick was there when I stepped into the lounge room, Harry sitting on the couch I was pretty sure he had spent most of the morning sprawled out on. I had realized he usually arrived early nowadays just to relax before we started working with our acts. The reason I was aware of this was because I had joined him on Wednesday. I mainly did because I was curious to see if he would be there, but I couldn't say I minded that I got to spend a whole hour with him before everyone else arrived.

I had wanted to join him yesterday and today as well, but I figured two days in a row was a bit too much, and today I had managed to sleep past my alarm. I was disappointed in myself, but regardless, I felt as though we had grown even closer this week, and it wasn't only because of the morning I had joined him. I no longer felt as hesitant around him since he hadn't once shown any sign of discomfort or told me I was doing anything wrong. It was a huge relief, and it made me feel more comfortable and less uptight.

Thanks to this, I didn't hesitate to sit beside him on the couch instead of taking the seat next to Perrie. She sent me a pout when she noticed, but it was replaced by a knowing smile the next second.

Rolling my eyes, I turned to Harry, who was typing away on his phone, his forearms resting on the smooth material of his black joggers and his brown curls framing his face. It didn't take longer than five seconds until he put the device away and turned to meet my eyes, his lips curling into a smile. "Morning, Lou."

For some reason, this move made butterflies erupt in my stomach, and I couldn't help but form a smile of my own. "Good morning, Harold," I replied, my eyes trailing to the pocket he had just slipped his phone into. "Who's the lucky person you're texting?"

He shook his head while chuckling. "It's just Nick. I was asking where he is since he's supposed to be here now," he explained.

I nodded, averting my gaze. Nick was quite a mystery to me. I didn't understand what was going on inside his head and what his intentions were. Ever since a few months ago, I had been sure he had feelings for Harry, and when he had yelled at me for talking to him, I had been even more convinced, but he had been so quiet the last two weeks that I was starting to think that maybe he didn't. I wanted to ask Harry about it, but I hadn't gotten a chance to do so yet. Sure, I could have asked him on Wednesday when we were here together, but it had slipped my mind then, so I hoped I would get another chance soon.

"Did he answer you?"

"Yeah, he said he's on his way," he replied, leaning back against the soft cushion of the couch. "So, I was thinking-"

"Hey, Harry. Did Nick reply to you yet?" Patrick cut him off, walking over from across the room, his arms folded over his chest.

Harry pursed his lips, his eyebrows knitting as he nodded. "Yeah, he'll be here shortly," he muttered, averting his gaze to his hands on his lap.

"Great, thank you for checking."

With that said, Patrick turned around and went back to talking to the crew members across the room. I followed his figure and noticed that Logan was one of them. As if on cue, he looked up and made eye contact with me, a smile stretching across his lips. I returned it with a nod before looking back at Harry.

"So, you were saying?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at him even though he wasn't looking at me.

He shook his head in dismissal. "It's whatever," he mumbled, keeping his eyes on his hands.

I furrowed my brows, following his gaze to see him playing with his rings. "I'm sure it's not. Come on, tell me," I urged, nudging him in the side gently.

He finally looked up then, his green eyes finding mine as a thoughtful look appeared on his features. It took a while, but eventually, he parted his lips to explain. "I kind of wanted to ask if you have any plans after work today?" He said hesitantly, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip.

My eyes widened at his question, not expecting him to say that. "Not that I know of. Why?"

He shrugged his shoulders, looking away from me. "I was thinking that maybe we could go on a road trip together, you know, like we used to?"

I could feel myself blinking at him because I wasn't expecting this. At all. Sure, we had grown closer lately, but I didn't know he wanted to spend time with me outside of work, only the two of us.

"I uh... Yeah, that sounds amazing," I told him after collecting myself from the shock, a smile spreading across my face.

His lips twitched as well, his left dimple popping. "Great. I didn't bring my car, but we could-" He started, but I cut him off by raising a hand, looking at him with arched brows.

"You're not driving. We both know how distracted you get when you're behind the wheel. I remember when you almost drove off the road just because you saw a goddamn bird in the ditch," I said, shaking my head with an amused smile on my face.

His lips parted as he stared at me. "Louis, that was one time, okay? I don't get distracted while driving. That bird was just adorable, and didn't I drive you home safely just the other night?" He implied, pouting his lips cutely.

I tilted my head to the side, the smile never leaving my face. "Sure, but that's because we were in a serious situation, and I couldn't drive even if I wanted to. Regardless, I'm driving today," I said determinedly, making him roll his eyes.

"Alright, fine."

With a satisfied smile, I turned my gaze to Perrie. She was already studying us, flashing me a knowing look when our eyes met. With a shake of my head, I looked down at my hands, feeling a bit giddy. I could barely process that Harry and I were going to spend time together, just the two of us again.

Not only a minute later, Nick finally arrived. He sat down on the couch next to Perrie, his gaze flicking between me and Harry as he greeted us all. But he didn't have time to say anything until Patrick walked over, clapping his hands together.

"Alright, guys, now that everyone's here, I can finally reveal that I have a surprise for you," he announced, his eyes flicking between all four of us.

Nick narrowed his eyes at him, looking suspicious. "What kind of surprise are you talking about?"

Patrick placed his hands on his hips, a smile forming on his lips. "Well, I have a feeling that you want to get away from all this for a little while, so I've booked rooms for you at a hotel in Manchester for two nights. You're going on Sunday morning and will be back on Tuesday to work with your acts. Sound alright?" He questioned, and you could tell that he already knew what our reactions would be.

"Hell yes!" Nick burst out.

"I'm definitely in," Perrie agreed, a smile spreading across her face.

"Me too," I said as Harry nodded his head.

Patrick clapped his hands together again. "Great, then it's settled. You'll be going alone without any crew members. I feel like you could do some time without being reminded of work, and we have things to work on back here anyway. So you're free to do whatever you want these few days, but be careful. There are many crazy people out there, and you're in the highlights right now. Just in case, there will be guards with you when you go out, so you don't have to worry about that."

Reaching up to pull at my bottom lip with my forefinger and thumb, I kept my gaze on Patrick. "So, what time are we going on Sunday?"

"There will be a car in the parking lot for you at nine in the morning, so the only thing you have to think about is deciding who's going to drive," he informed us.

I could feel Harry smiling at me in amusement, and I knew we were both thinking about the same thing. With a shake of my head, I let out a chuckle before looking back at our boss. "Sounds great, Patrick. Thank you for doing this for us," I said sincerely.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I think you all deserve to get away for a while after all the hard work you've put into the show. This is the least I can do for you."

We then started talking about what was happening today and what we had to get done until tomorrow's live show. It was almost as if the trip slipped our minds as quickly as we had been informed of it, but we did have things to focus on, even if it stayed at the back of my head for the rest of the workday. And how could it not when this was exactly what I had wanted to happen?

-----

As soon as we were free to leave work for the day, I went to the dressing room to get my Adidas jacket. It had been a long day, even if it was only four in the afternoon. A lot of work had to be done for tomorrow, though, and it required a lot of energy. But despite that, I was excited, my body erupting with nerves and butterflies at the thought of spending time with Harry this afternoon.

Once I had snatched my jacket and said goodbye to Perrie, who wished me good luck with a smile, I went to go looking for Harry. It had been a few hours since I last saw him, so it wouldn't surprise me if it were going to take a while.

Luckily, I didn't have to look for long because when I exited the dressing room, he was already leaning against the wall across the hallway, his arms crossed over his chest while talking to Nick. Deciding to make my way over to them, I slid my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and stopped right beside the two, making their gazes turn to me.

"There you are," Harry said, his lips curling.

"Yeah," I smiled. "I just had to fetch my jacket. Are you ready to leave?" I asked, my eyes flicking to Nick, who had clenched his jaw at my arrival. He gave Harry a long stare, looking more like a warning than anything else.

Harry didn't seem affected by it, though, and just gave him a reassuring nod. "Yeah, let's go," he replied, looking at me.

For the entire walk to my car, I could feel a lump form in my throat, and it didn't go away as we closed the doors behind us after successfully leaving without getting noticed by anyone. With no intention to start up the engine, I turned to Harry with a frown. "What was that all about?"

He let out a deep sigh, tilting his head back against the headrest. "Nothing, he's just being overly protective."

I raised my eyebrows at him, giving him a skeptical look. "That doesn't sound like nothing to me."

Harry ran a hand through his curls, looking out the windshield. "He just doesn't want me to get hurt again," he mumbled, turning to me with a scowl on his face. "He's trying to look out for me."

Nodding, I turned my gaze to my lap. "That's understandable. I've actually been wanting to talk to you about that for a while," I confessed, sinking my teeth into my lip.

He was quiet for a while, no sound being heard in the car whatsoever. "About what exactly?" He asked eventually, flicking his eyes to me.

I looked up to meet his gaze. "Nick. I don't know if you are aware that he might have feelings for you?" I said tentatively, and it came out more as a question than anything else.

His eyebrows furrowed, creating a deep crease between them. "Nick and I are mates, and we always have been. I thought we had already established that?"

Letting out a deep sigh, I closed my eyes momentarily. "I'm not saying you're reciprocating them, but ever since the start of this journey, he's shown signs of wanting to be more than your friend. He always touches you when you're around him, and he looks at you like you're the most interesting thing he's ever laid eyes on," I explained. "But now he's been so quiet the last couple of weeks that I don't know what to think anymore."

Harry shook his head, the crease remaining between his brows. "I don't know about him having feelings for me, but I do know that he cares a lot. He's been telling me to stay away from you for my own best, which added to my split thoughts about you. It's probably the reason he confronted you that day," he said, scratching at his neck.

"But the reason he's been more quiet lately is that I've told him to back off. It's not for him to decide who I'm talking to and spending time with. I know he only means well, but I want this. I want to spend time with you, and I'm starting to realize that your intention wasn't to hurt me when you decided to leave me that evening," he admitted, making a smile form on my lips.

"That's true," I confirmed in a breath, feeling my heart flutter. "And I'm sure you're right about everything you just said. I just feel like there must be more to why he hates me so much than only because he cares for you as a friend."

He shrugged his shoulders, turning to look out the windshield again. "It doesn't have to mean he has feelings for me," he mumbled. "But either way, I don't reciprocate them, so it's not like it matters."

I pursed my lips, glancing at the side of his face as I drove along the road towards the outskirts of London. "You're right. I'm sorry," I apologized, making him look at me in confusion.

"Sorry for what?"

I made a face. "For ruining the mood. This road trip was supposed to be fun, and I'm talking about things that aren't important to discuss right now. How about we turn on some music instead?" I suggested, picking up my phone from the center console to hand it to him.

He took the device with his long fingers, sliding his index one across the screen. "What's your password?"

A knowing smile made its way to my lips as I glanced at him. "The same one you apparently still have for your security system."

He turned to me abruptly, his lips parting for a few seconds until he closed them. "Touché," he mumbled under his breath, entering the number combination he knew by heart.

He was quiet as he scrolled through my playlists to find some accurate songs we could listen to. Meanwhile, I studied his features as he bit his lip in concentration, his brows pulled together. I had to remind myself that I was driving in order to not pull a Harry and drive off the road myself. He didn't seem to notice me looking at him, though, his eyes trained on the screen as he slid his thumb over the device.

"I think I found a playlist I want to listen to," he announced after a while, a grin forming on his lips. "I have to say H&L' is a really nice name," he continued, making my body freeze. Fuck, I forgot about that.

Reaching over, I grabbed the phone from his grip. "I change my mind. I'll decide what songs we're listening to," I said quickly, clicking on the first playlist I found that wasn't the one he had just mentioned.

Through the corner of my eye, I could see him raising his eyebrows at me. "I already saw the songs, Louis," he stated knowingly. "And I want to listen to them. This road trip is about doing something we used to in the past, right? So why not listen to the songs we used to listen to together as well?" He suggested, making me glance at him.

He was right. This was a nostalgic situation, so why not make it even more nostalgic by listening to the music that had brought us so many good memories? "As long as you're okay with it," I replied, handing him my phone back while letting my body relax.

He took it from my hand, a smile spreading on his lips. "Of course."

Not more than five seconds later, he turned on a song that made my stomach tighten. It was the first tune I had sung to him when we started dating. It held so many memories to me, also because it was the only song I had recorded before I participated in The X Factor.

"There now steady in love. So few come and don't go. Will you, won't you, be the one I'll always know? When I'm losing my control, the city spins around. You're the only one who knows. You slow it down. Oh, oh, be my baby. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, be my baby, I'll look after you, and I'll look after you."

When I looked over at Harry, I could see that a soft smile was playing on his lips. "I remember when you used to sing this to me every night when I couldn't fall asleep," he said, leaning back against the headrest. "I loved it. It made me feel safe."

I could feel my lips curl as well, loving the fact that he seemed so cool about this. "I'm glad it worked."

His eyes fell on me, the smile widening on his lips.

We continued listening to the song until it ended, and instead of opening my phone and choosing another one, Harry let it play whichever was next. It turned out it was one that also had a deep meaning.

"A moment, a love, a dream, a laugh, a kiss, a cry. A moment, a love, a dream, a laugh. A moment, a love, a dream, a laugh. Just stay there, 'cause I'll be coming over while our blood's still young. It's so young, it runs. Won't stop 'til it's over. Won't stop to surrender."

My lips curled as I remembered the story. "So, Wellington," I began, turning to Harry, who was already hiding his face in his hands. "We were so drunk that night that I barely remember what we did, but you tweeted those lyrics, and then you thought as though it all should be remembered, so you decided to tattoo them on your skin."

By now, I was full-on grinning because it was so funny. "And you managed to tattoo the wrong lyrics. Why did you not check that before getting it done?" I chuckled, making him let out a loud an embarrassed groan.

"Really, Louis?" He pouted, dropping his hands. "Do you have to remind me of that? I got it removed, alright? And some other tattoos are covering it now as well. I was young and so fucking in love. I just hated that we couldn't show everyone that we were in a relationship."

The smile dropped from my face as I turned to him. He was still pouting but not looking at me, keeping his gaze forward. After a while of silence, I let out a sigh. "I think the idea was great, and I remember that I encouraged you to get it done, so I could have looked it up as well. I think it's honestly a shame that you got it removed. However, it is still quite funny, if you think about it. You have to give me that," I said, my lips twitching in slight mischief.

He reached over to whack my bicep. "Ow," I let out, forming a pout. "You didn't have to do that."

"Yes," he declared, smiling now. "I did."

With a roll of my eyes, I turned to focus on the road, the landscape passing by at a quick speed. A short silence fell between us where we enjoyed the music coming from the speakers and just the feeling of finally doing this again, after so many years. It was amazing, and I couldn't help the grin that formed on my lips.

When I turned to glance at Harry, I noticed that he was already looking at me, his eyes scanning my face with bright, sparkling eyes. "Would it be weird if I said I really like your haircut? I think it suits you," he said, making butterflies erupt in my stomach.

"Yeah?" I breathed. "You don't think it's too short?"

He shook his head, his brows furrowing slightly. "No, it looks good on you."

With a smile on my face, I looked out the windshield, my hands gripping the wheel. "Thank you. I'm glad you like it," I replied, and I was pretty sure he didn't know just how much it meant to me. If there was anyone in the world I wanted to receive a compliment from, it was him.

"Would it be weird if I said I quite like the beard you've got going on then? I never actually thought I would see you with one," I admitted, and through the corner of my eye, I could see his lips twitching.

Shrugging his shoulders, he ran a hand through his curls. "Thought it was about time, you know? Not that my beard growth is very good, but I thought having a little stubble wouldn't hurt anyone. I actually quite like it myself. I feel a bit more grown-up with it," he commented, reaching up to move his hand along his cheek and chin.

Letting out a light chuckle, I nodded in agreement. "It suits you, especially with your haircut. It makes me wonder how you would have looked if you still had long hair," I said, biting back a cheeky smile.

He looked at me and just shook his head in amusement. "That's a look you'll never get to see on me. I quite like the length of my hair now."

"You should," I agreed. "I mean, you can pull anything off, but your hair looks perfect the way it is now."

It wasn't until the words had escaped my lips that I realized what I was saying. He could pull anything off? His hair looked perfect? It was true, but I should have kept that to myself. It was definitely a step too far, even if this conversation overall was a bit too deep.

When Harry didn't say anything, I started getting worried that I had overstepped his boundaries, but when I looked over at him, I noticed that he was looking down at his lap with his lips curled in a smile. It made my nerves disappear, and I relaxed in my seat again, my lips twitching as well.

A few seconds later, 'Just The Way You Are' started playing from the speakers, and it only took a second until we turned our heads to make eye contact, a knowing look forming on both our faces. The story behind the song would probably live in our minds forever, especially Harry's since it was about when he first realized he was in love with me.

-----

I drove him home later that evening. Time had flown by since we left the arena, and I didn't realize it was getting so late until it started turning dark outside. We'd had a lot of fun, and for the first time in years, I felt completely relaxed in his company, and it only got better towards the end. I felt as though I could have stayed with him the entire night and talked about memories and things that had happened in our lives when we had been apart.

But we did have a day of work tomorrow, so I reluctantly drove him back to his place around eight in the evening. We said goodbye while exchanging a smile before I drove off, and I was floating on clouds the entire drive back to my place.

Once I had gotten home and taken care of Clifford, I went straight to bed, and it didn't take long for me to fall asleep after that, the smile never leaving my lips as slumber took over my body. 

The next day started great as well. I was still exhilarated since the day before as I drove to work, knowing I would see Harry in only a few minutes again. Things didn't get worse when I arrived at the arena and caught sight of his beautiful figure leaning against the wall outside the lounge room while talking to a man in the crew.

The second he saw me, his lips curled into a smile, and he was suddenly more focused on me than the guy he was still talking to as I walked by them and into the lounge room.

It didn't take long until we were sitting in the dressing room, getting fixed for the live show that was taking place in only an hour. I was busy playing a game on my phone when I could hear Harry's familiar drawl behind me.

"...Frankie tonight," I could hear him say to someone before he walked away.

Since I didn't see anything wrong with what he said, I didn't think too much about it when we walked into the arena a few minutes later. Yet, I still found myself going through my papers the moment I sat down, trying to find out when Frankie was performing.

I soon realized that he was the second act, so I wouldn't have to wait too long. Twirling my pen between my fingers, I glanced at Harry, who was playing with his rings while chatting with Nick. He was wearing black nail polish today, working well with his black dress pants and white button-up.

"Alright, let's start this evening by introducing the first act, The Johnson Twins!" Dermot announced, making me avert my gaze from Harry.

The girls did a great job, doing exactly what we had been working on, and I made sure to tell them this once they finished the song and it was time for us judges to talk. They received great responses from the other judges as well, so they left the stage with wide grins on their lips.

As Dermot entered the stage again, I started getting a bit nervous even though I knew there probably wasn't a reason why Harry had mentioned it. Throwing one last glance at Harry before Dermot introduced Frankie, I saw that he was nibbling on his bottom lip as he gazed at his papers, his fingers laced on the table.

The second the young boy started singing, I could feel myself holding my breath. But as soon as the lyrics began progressing in my head, I relaxed in my seat, and warmth spread in my chest instead.

"Everybody loves the things you do, from the way you talk to the way you move. Everybody here is watching you 'cause you feel like home. You're like a dream come true," he started, his voice sounding soft and smooth.

"But if by chance you're here alone, can I have a moment before I go? 'Cause I've been by myself all night long, hoping you're someone I used to know. You look like a movie. You sound like a song. My God, this reminds me of when we were young."

I glanced at Harry, seeing that he was smiling now. He turned to meet my gaze, and I could tell by the way his lips remained curled that there was a reason Frankie was singing this song in particular, and I didn't know how to react to this fact because it was a lot to take in.

"Let me photograph you in this light in case it is the last time that we might be exactly like we were before we realized we were scared of getting old. It made us restless. It was just like a movie. It was just like a song," Frankie sang, his beautiful voice making goosebumps appear on my skin.

"I was so scared to face my fears. Nobody told me that you'd be here, and I'd swear you moved overseas. That's what you said when you left me..."

Feeling tears starting to prick my eyes, I inhaled a deep breath, forcing my gaze away from Harry to focus on Frankie instead, but it was hard. It was so hard when this song reminded me so much of me and Harry. I couldn't believe he was doing this just for me.

"Let me photograph you in this light in case it is the last time that we might be exactly like we were before we realized we were scared of getting old. It made us restless. It was just like a movie. It was just like a song. When we were young," Frankie finished softly, his lips twitching as he received a round of applause from the audience.

I was too overwhelmed to do anything but wipe at my eyes. I barely even acknowledged that everyone was standing up beside me. And when it was my turn to speak, I stumbled over my words, not knowing what to say other than that it was purely beautiful.

Once Frankie had left the stage, and my heart rate started slowing down, I turned to Harry again, wanting to know what was going on inside his head. Judging from the way he was still beaming as he wrote down something on the paper in front of him, I had a feeling he was thinking about the performance as well.

Feeling bold, I reached my hand out to his left one resting on his thigh. Running my fingers along his knuckles, I gently placed my hand on top of his, giving it a light squeeze. And if the way he turned his face to send me a soft smile was anything to go by, I was pretty sure he didn't mind the action, and that fact alone made me happier than I had been in a long time.

Chapter Text

I was awakened by my alarm clock the following morning, the sound ringing annoyingly in my ears. With a groan, I rolled over to the other side of the bed, not feeling like waking up. The disturbing part was that the ringing didn't stop, and I could still hear it when I pressed the pillow against my ear, so I let out another groan and reached over to grab my phone and turn it off.

"For fuck's sake," I muttered into my pillow.

After a while of getting used to the sunlight that was seeping through the blinds of the room, I reluctantly got out of bed to take a shower. It was only seven-thirty, way too early for someone who was not a morning person, but hopefully, the shower would help me wake up a little bit.

Once I was finished and had gotten dressed in a black, white and blue Rag & Bone tracksuit, I trudged down the stairs to give Clifford some food before snatching a granola bar myself, eating it on my way upstairs since I had to pack my bag for the next two days.

It was a good thing that I was a quick packer and only brought the most necessary stuff (unlike Harry), so I was finished in only ten minutes. I just had to fetch my toiletry bag from the bathroom and place it in my bigger bag with my other belongings.

"Cliff, are you ready to leave?" I called when I trudged down the stairs, bag slung over my shoulder. He was staying with Eleanor again, which I was sure he wouldn't mind since it had been almost two months since he had spent time with Bruce now.

He let out a loud bark as I passed his bed where he was sitting, his tail wagging from side to side. He followed me to the hallway, where I slipped on my white Adidas sneakers before snatching a white Adidas jacket in case I would get cold. I was pretty cold-blooded, so it was better to be safe than sorry.

After going on a short walk with Cliff to let him do his necessities, I put him into my black Audi along with my bag and baby blue pillow - which I almost forgot in all hurry - before driving off to Eleanor's place. Thankfully, she didn't live far away since I noticed that I didn't have more than ten minutes until I needed to be at the arena when turning on the engine.

"Be a good boy to El these next few days, alright?" I told Clifford when I dropped him off.

Eleanor told me to have fun in Manchester, being the nice girl she had always been since I got to know her. I thanked her before closing the door behind me and heading out to my Audi. I then drove off again, speeding along the streets to the arena, not being half as careful as I had been yesterday when I drove Harry around the city.

I arrived at the arena at nine o'clock on the dot, getting out of my car with a hammering heart due to stress. Harry, Nick and Perrie were already there, chatting at the black Range Rover parked in the lot. The weather was unusually nice for early October, which was probably why they weren't already in the car.

"Right on time, I see," Perrie joked with a smile on her face as I closed my trunk after getting out my stuff.

I walked over to them, tilting my head to the side. "Of course, did you expect anything else?"

She rolled her eyes as she walked over to get into the passenger seat. Once she had shut the car door, I turned to Harry, who was already looking at me. "I see you brought the famous pillow," he noted, looking down at the said item that was stuffed under my arm.

My lips stretched into a smile as I nodded. "Yeah, I can't deal with those horrible hotel pillows." I scrunched my nose, shaking my head.

He let out a chuckle as he ran a hand through his curls. "Not sure if horrible is the right word, but sure, they can be quite uncomfortable. I'm just surprised you haven't exchanged it for another one after so many years," he said, keeping his gaze on it.

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's still just as comfortable as it's always been, definitely a keeper."

He shook his head in amusement as he opened the trunk for me. It wasn't until then I noticed that Nick had also entered the car, leaving me alone with Harry. Even though Harry explained that he had told him to back off, I still found it weird. I never expected him to take it so easily, especially not if he did have feelings for Harry.

Shrugging it off, I placed my bag in the trunk next to the other ones before Harry closed it again. "So, we kind of already decided that Nick's driving because Perrie refuses to, and I bet you're still tired," he informed me.

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, sure. How come you don't want to, though?" I asked, biting back a knowing smile, remembering our conversation yesterday.

He looked away from me, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, probably to hide his smile as well. "You may have been a tad bit right. I can get a little distracted while driving... but only when it comes to long rides," he pointed out, making me let out a laugh.

"Whatever floats your boat, Harold," I smirked before getting into the backseat of the car behind Perrie.

Harry got inside too, taking the seat behind Nick. A feeling of déjà vu hit me as the older man started up the engine and backed out of the parking lot. Only a few months ago, we had been sitting in one of these cars as well, traveling the country with Patrick as a driver. However, the atmosphere between us now was a lot different from how it was back then, at least between me and Harry.

With this thought in my mind, I glanced to my right, studying his profile as he typed on his phone. I couldn't believe so much had happened in only five months. We hadn't even been able to talk to each other back then, and now things were almost as they had been when we were together, apart from the romantic stuff, of course.

Feeling happy about this fact, I could feel my lips curl, and it was as if Harry could sense it because the next second, he looked up to meet my gaze with a smile of his own. It lasted for about five seconds until he looked down again, but the butterflies in my stomach remained.

Snuggling into my pillow that was placed behind my head, I closed my eyes, my lips still twitched as I tried to fall asleep. But before I could do so, I felt my phone vibrate in the pocket of my pants.

Contemplating whether to check it or not, I eventually decided to take it out and light up the screen.

Simon: Don't do anything stupid.

Feeling my heart drop in my chest, I swallowed hard and was sure all color drained from my face. The worst part was that I had no idea why he was saying this to me now. Did he know I was going to Manchester?

"Hey, what's wrong?"

I turned my head to Harry abruptly, noticing that he was looking at me with concern written on his features. "I... It's nothing," I replied, furrowing my brows. "I'm probably just overreacting."

He squinted his eyes, still suspicious. "Can I see?" He asked gently, and I couldn't possibly say no to him even if I wanted to.

So I handed him my phone hesitantly, watching as he knitted his eyebrows when he read the message. Once he was finished, he gave it back to me, his jaw clenched. "Just ignore him, Louis. He's just trying to get to you. Don't let him succeed," he mumbled.

Nibbling on my lip, I looked down at the device. "Do you think he knows we're heading to Manchester?" I couldn't help but ask.

He shrugged his shoulders, looking at Nick's seat. "I don't know. Maybe it's just in general. I mean, why would it matter that we're going to Manchester? It's not like that makes any difference."

He was right. There were plenty of things I could do in London that he would find stupid too. It didn't have to do with us going to Manchester. It was most likely just a coincidence that he had sent me this message now. But no matter what, I found it uncomfortable. It made chills run down my spine, especially since it was from Simon out of all people.

"Hey, what are you two whispering about?" Perrie asked, turning around to flick her gaze between me and Harry.

Looking up to meet her eyes, I shook my head in dismissal. "We're just talking about what to do when we arrive at the hotel," I lied, making her narrow her eyes in suspicion.

She didn't say anything about it, though, and turned back around in her seat to pick up her phone from her lap. Meanwhile, Nick turned up the volume on the radio, blasting music from Radio One. Rolling my eyes, I nuzzled the side of my face into my pillow, closing my eyes once again after glancing one last time at Harry, who was now leaning against the door.

-----

After a stop at the gas station to get some breakfast and fill up the car with fuel, and then another stop to use the toilet, we finally arrived at Britannia Hotel in Manchester. It was nearing two in the afternoon, and we were all getting hungry again, which became obvious when we were trying to find the hotel's parking lot and started snapping at each other.

Thankfully, Perrie caught sight of it eventually, and we could finally exit the car and enter the hotel, our bags in our hands or slung over our shoulders. It wasn't the first time Harry and I were staying at this hotel. We had been here plenty of times with One Direction, but also just the two of us when we wanted somewhere to stay while visiting our families. Manchester was located between Doncaster and Holmes Chapel, so instead of invading our family homes for too long, we usually stayed here, primarily when we celebrated Christmas and had to be at both places.

Once we had received the cards for our rooms, we went to the elevator to get to our floor. It was a pretty small elevator, at least for four people with one bag each, so the ride felt longer than it probably was.

The second it dinged and the doors opened, I inhaled a deep breath before exiting the elevator with the other guys.

Our rooms were located pretty far down the corridor, and it didn't surprise me that my and Harry's rooms were next to each other. It seemed like Patrick was never going to let this go. Not that I minded anymore. I rather felt the opposite about it now.

As Perrie and Nick entered their rooms, and Harry and I were about to do the same, I lingered with my hand on the door handle, looking over at the curly-haired man who was trying to keep his bag on his shoulder while struggling to unlock his door.

"Oi, Harold," I called, earning his attention immediately, his green eyes snapping up to meet mine. "If you sing in the shower again, I won't hesitate to blast music when you've gone to sleep."

A smile formed on his lips, his dimples popping. "I'm pretty sure you didn't mind me singing in the shower, though," he said knowingly, raising his eyebrows at me.

I shook my head, my lips curling as well. "As if, Styles."

"You love my voice," he implied with a winning grin before opening the door of his room and disappearing into it, leaving me to smile to myself, my stomach filled with fluttering butterflies. Because of course I did.

After that, I entered my own room, dropping my bag on the floor next to the door as I took in my surroundings. This was probably the biggest hotel room I'd had during this journey. It was almost like a suite, but not entirely, although the large window that covered the entire wall next to the bed and the massive flatscreen set up on the wall in front of the bed said something different. But it wasn't quite as big as a suite, and it didn't have a couch and a kitchen table that most of them did. I was definitely not complaining, though.

Walking into the room, I didn't hesitate to throw myself onto the king-sized bed, spreading my arms out with my blue pillow in my hand. I stayed there for a while, just letting myself relax and take in the silence until I was reminded of how hungry I was when my stomach started grumbling.

With a heavy sigh, I reached over to the hotel phone, dialing the number for room service since there was no way I was getting out of this bed anytime soon. We had all agreed that we should make ourselves feel at home before going out to do stuff anyway.

Once I had ordered something (I didn't care what, only that it was food), I turned on the flatscreen to find something to watch while waiting for the food to arrive. It didn't take more than a few minutes until I could hear the sound of someone whistling on the other side of the wall, though.

Immediately knowing who it was, I closed my eyes and let out a groan. "Harold, I'm only going to warn you once!" I called out.

The reply came only a few moments later. "You didn't mention anything about whistling! Besides, you can just turn up the volume on your TV if you don't want to hear it!"

Letting out a huff, I grabbed the remote and did as told, turning up the volume until I couldn't hear his annoying whistling anymore. I had no idea how I had managed to listen to it every day when we lived together because whistling was something Harry did whenever he was doing chores, and he did them at least five times a week. It wasn't that I was lazy. He was just an unusually neat person who wanted everything to be organized.

My food arrived shortly after that, and I could finally satisfy my grumbling stomach. Once I was finished, I rested for a while, letting the food settle before doing anything too dramatic. By the time I started thinking about what to do next, I could feel my phone vibrate in the pocket of my pants. Fishing it up, I noticed that I had received a message from Perrie.

Perrie: Will you join me to do some shopping? Please, please, please, Louis.

I wasn't sure if she hadn't realized that I didn't like shopping after that awful time when I needed swim trunks back in Leeds, but it didn't feel like it right now.

Louis: I thought we had already established that I don't go very well with shopping?

My phone vibrates only a second later, notifying me of a new message.

Perrie: You are no fun, Louis. I swear to God. I'm gonna ask Harry because at least he knows the beauty of shopping. You disappoint me big time. Again.

I shook my head with an amused smile as I read her text. She was just something else, and I loved her for it, even if she could be a pain in the ass sometimes. No matter what, she was someone you wanted to have in your life because she made you happy just by having her in your presence.

After a while of contemplating, I got up from the bed to exit my hotel room. I figured I shouldn't stay in here all day, not when we had gotten the opportunity to be here for a couple of days. So I thought I might as well take a walk through the city to enjoy myself and maybe meet some fans.

When I entered the lobby, I quickly noticed what Patrick meant when he said there were going to be guards here because I hadn't even gotten past the reception before three bulky men walked up to me, their hands crossed over their chests with black shades covering their eyes.

They were about to start following me when I stopped in my tracks, keeping my eyes on them. "You don't have to follow me. I'm just going out for a walk. It's not like I'm going to get murdered," I huffed.

The three men exchanged a look, seeming unconvinced. It made me let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair. "Please, most people don't even know we're here yet. As long as there's no mob outside the hotel, there shouldn't be a reason for you guys to follow me. I mean, it's not like I've never wandered the streets alone before."

One of the bulky men finally let out a sigh of defeat. "Alright, but call us if you get in trouble, alright? We'll be there in the blink of an eye." He reached his hand out to give me his card, his phone number impossible to miss.

I nodded, giving him an appreciating smile. "Of course, thank you."

As I continued walking towards the exits, I couldn't help but sigh of relief. I never really liked having guards following me, even if I knew it was for my own best. It just felt like someone was stalking me - which wasn't false, but sometimes it could be worse than having fans following me around.

Once I stepped out into the Sunday evening, I inhaled a deep breath, letting the fresh air fill my lungs. The weather was still pretty nice with no clouds in sight, although it was getting quite chilly. It turned out it was good that I had brought my jacket after all.

After successfully wandering the streets for almost two hours, meeting some fans, and exploring places I had never been to before, I got a text from Perrie, saying we were all meeting up at a restaurant a street away from the hotel to have some dinner together. It wasn't until then I realized that it was getting late. The sun was almost down, and the street lamps and shop signs were lightening up the city instead.

I also realized that I was starting to get hungry again, so I didn't think twice before heading in the restaurant's direction. Luckily, I wasn't that far from the place, but people had slowly but surely started catching up on the fact that the judges of The X Factor were visiting the city, so there were a lot more people surrounding this area than the hotel earlier, despite it getting darker outside.

As I got closer to the restaurant, I realized that I wouldn't be able to enter the place without being recognized. I was pretty sure they had been informed somehow that we would be here tonight. That, or Perrie, Nick and Harry had already arrived.

Cussing under my breath, I decided to fuck it and walked right into the mob, the thought of calling the guards not even crossing my mind. Squeals were instantly heard, and a few seconds later, I could feel hands grabbing at my shirt as I tried to make my way through the crowd of people.

"Oh my God, Louis is here!"

"Please, can I have a picture with you, Louis?"

"Louis, can you please sign this?"

"What are you guys doing in Manchester?"

The questions didn't stop, and it suddenly felt like I was taking one step forward and two steps back, the restaurant's entrance not getting particularly closer. But with a lot of willpower and effort, I managed to work my way through the crowd, prying the hands off my shirt and body as I kept excusing myself to the people. I felt awful for not staying and taking pictures, but it wasn't exactly possible when they were swarming me like this.

After what felt like half an hour, but was probably only ten minutes, I finally pulled open the restaurant's door, where one of the workers was standing to check who tried to enter instantly let me in.

"Jesus Christ," I breathed out, running a hand through my hair as I tried to regain my breath.

After collecting myself, I started searching the area for my colleagues. Since the restaurant was pretty small, it didn't take longer than a few seconds until I saw them sitting at a table in one of the corners. As I walked over to them, I flattened out my clothes, smoothening the material of my shirt out.

Harry and Nick were sitting next to each other, their backs facing me, so the only one who noticed me approaching them was Perrie, her eyes widening upon seeing my appearance. "Oh God, what happened to you?"

I grimaced at the look on her face, realizing that I must look worse than I first thought after what I had just been through. Harry and Nick's eyes fell on me as well as I stopped next to the table, concern instantly filling Harry's eyes while a bored expression appeared on Nick's. Ignoring the older man, I gave Harry a reassuring smile before sitting down next to Perrie.

I could feel both her and Harry's gazes on me as I picked up the menu from the table in front of me, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip. "Is that a hole in your shirt?" Perrie suddenly asked, reaching out to touch a spot underneath my right arm, and I realized I couldn't postpone this conversation any longer.

Placing my elbows on the surface of the table, I buried my face in my hands. "You morons decided to come here before I even got a chance to join you, so the place is swarmed with fans and journalists, and I kinda tried to make my way inside on my own, which ended up in a lot of shirt-pulling and a lot less nice conversations with a few fans," I explained.

When I dropped my hands from my face, the first thing I saw was Harry's green eyes staring at me, still with concern written all over his features. "You should have called someone to help you get inside," he mumbled.

Shrugging my shoulders, I averted my gaze from him. "I didn't want to be a bother. Besides, I made it out alive, didn't I? It was honestly not even that bad."

I could see Perrie raising her eyebrows at me through the corner of my eye. "Not that bad? Louis, your shirt is practically ripped, and your hair looks like it hasn't been taken care of for days," she pointed out.

I rolled my eyes, shrugging off her comment while turning my gaze to the menu again. "So, what are you all having?"

Thankfully, they decided to drop the topic then, probably sensing that I didn't want to talk about it. Despite that, the concerned look didn't leave Harry's face, and he kept sending me glances when he thought I wasn't looking, probably to check that I was doing alright. I didn't see a reason for him to be so worried when I was nothing but okay, but at the same time, I couldn't help but find it endearing.

Once the food arrived, Nick decided to break the silence that had been hanging in the air the last few minutes. "Harry and I were thinking about going out tonight," he announced, and when I looked up from my plate, I could see that his gaze was stuck on me.

Harry cleared his throat. "To a club. Are you guys joining us?" He continued, flicking his gaze between me and Perrie as Nick looked down, his hands fiddling with his cutlery.

As much as I wanted to spend time with Harry and not leave him with Nick, I couldn't deny that I wasn't feeling up for it after the incident that had taken place outside the restaurant earlier. Besides, it had been a long day, and the only thing I could picture myself doing after having dinner here was going back to the hotel and going to sleep.

"Sorry, guys, but I have to decline. It's been a long day, and I'm tired as hell," I grimaced, seeing how a crease formed between Harry's eyebrows.

Perrie nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, I feel the same. Maybe tomorrow, though?"

Nick's face suddenly brightened as he turned to Harry, his lips curled. "Seems like it's only you and me then, H," he grinned, nudging the curly-haired man in the side.

Harry nodded, smiling faintly as the frown remained on his features. "Yeah, I guess."

I kept my gaze on him for a while, seeing that he didn't seem very happy about this fact. It probably shouldn't make my heart expand in my chest, but I couldn't help it. I knew Harry didn't have feelings for Nick, but it didn't hurt to see it being confirmed right in front of me.

Once we had finished eating, we started getting up from our seats to go our separate ways, but before we did so, we made plans to eat dinner at a different restaurant tomorrow evening. Since Harry and I had been here plenty of times before, we suggested a place called 'Rosso'. It was the restaurant we had our first few dates at back in the days. I wasn't sure if it bothered him if we went there, but since he also suggested it, I figured it didn't.

Harry made sure to contact the security this time, so when we opened the restaurant's door, the three bulky men who had confronted me earlier were there, ready to pull us through the mob of people. It went a lot smoother than when I had done it by myself, but the same amount of questions, if not even more, were thrown at us, and I was pretty sure someone was even asking me and Harry if we were 'still together'. I decided to ignore them, though, even if that question stung a bit more than the other ones.

Although our hotel was located just a street away from where we were, we were pulled into a cab, Perrie following me while Harry and Nick went to another one since they were heading to a club. Before I bent my head to enter the car, I turned around just in time to see Harry about to enter the cab behind me as well. I couldn't help but send him a small smile as his eyes automatically turned to meet mine. He returned it quickly before entering the car, and I slumped down in the seat next to Perrie.

The ride back to the hotel was so short that we didn't have time to utter a single word until the car came to a halt again, and the guard in the front seat helped us to the entrance of the hotel even though there weren't even half as many people here.

After thanking the man, Perrie and I headed to the elevator, but it wasn't until the doors closed behind us that she opened her mouth to start talking. "So, what did you do when Harry and I were out shopping?" She wondered, looking at me curiously.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I was just out on a walk, exploring new places and stuff."

She raised her eyebrows at me. "Exploring new places? Really?"

Furrowing my brows, I turned to meet her gaze. "What's so wrong about that?" I asked.

"I don't know? You're a celebrity, and you went out all by yourself in a city where about half a million people live. I thought you had learned what this industry includes by now," she blinked.

I rolled my eyes as the elevator dinged and the doors opened in front of us. "I do know what being famous includes, and I can't see anything wrong with what I did. I met some fans and went to some places. I was nothing but safe until you texted me and told me to join you at that restaurant. If you hadn't brought so much attention to you, I would've been fine," I disagreed.

She just shook her head with a smile on her face, probably knowing I wasn't going to give in. "Alright, Lou. Have a good night, and see you tomorrow."

I nodded, walking over to place my hand on the door handle of my room. "You too."

"Oh, and don't wait up for Harry and Nick to get back. I know it concerns you that they're out together," she added, making me halt in my movement of opening the door.

Turning around, I raised my eyebrows at her. "How would you know about that?"

She let out a snort, leaning her back against the wall across from me. "Please, your jealousy is on full show whenever you see the two of them together. It would be weird if I didn't know about it," she implied, making me blink at her.

After a few seconds, I collected myself, a scowl making its way to my face instead. "Whatever, and for your information, I won't have any trouble falling asleep. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty knackered," I huffed, making her chuckle.

"Okay, Louis. Sleep well then," she smirked, making me roll my eyes.

"You too," I muttered before turning around to enter my room.

I walked right over to the bed, falling face-first on the soft mattress, a sigh escaping my lips. I contemplated not stripping off my clothes, too tired to even move a muscle, but I figured I would get uncomfortable after a while if I didn't. So with a lot of effort, I pulled off my track pants and socks, throwing the clothes across the room before working my shirt over my head, almost getting stuck as my eyes fell shut in the middle of the process.

With one last pull, I got it off and tossed it across the room as well, reminding myself to discard it tomorrow since it was ruined. I then turned out the lights before getting under the white covers, pulling them up to my chin, letting the soft material of my blue pillow rest against my cheek.

I was pretty sure it didn't take more than a minute until I was out, darkness taking over my senses completely.

It could have been seconds, minutes, or even hours later, but at some point, I was awakened by the sound of someone knocking on my door. Opening my eyes in pure exhaustion, the first thing I noticed was that it was still dark outside, so I figured it couldn't be too long since I fell asleep.

"What the hell," I grumbled as the knocking didn't stop.

Without even thinking about who it could be, I got up and stumbled over to the door, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. With my brows pinched together, I reached out to turn the handle. "What do you think you're doing, knocking on my door at- Oh."

In front of me, a man with a mop of dark curls and green eyes was standing with his arm on the wall next to my door, his eyes half-opened. "I thought... Um, wrong room," Harry apologized, pointing towards his own door.

I swallowed, feeling more awake than I had done the last twenty-four hours. "Oh," I repeated, getting awfully aware that I was only wearing a pair of boxers as Harry's gaze traveled down my body, not very subtly either. Clearing my throat, I looked over his shoulder to see if he was alone. "Where's Nick?"

He shrugged his shoulders, his eyes not leaving my body for a second. It felt like his green irises were burning holes into my skin, and I was pretty sure I had never felt so self-conscious before. "Still at the club, I think," he replied.

I nodded, inhaling a large breath. I studied his features for a while, trying to read what state he was in. "So, on a scale of one to ten, how drunk are you?" I asked since reading his features wasn't really working. He seemed pretty out of it, though.

He let out a raspy chuckle, his lips twitching into a smile. "I barely even had three drinks, so not drunk at all, I'd say."

Narrowing my eyes at him suspiciously, I looked him up and down, trying to get my head around what was going on inside his head. "Then why did you leave without Nick?"

"Because I'm tired," he explained as if it was obvious, placing a hand on his hip limply. He then looked over my shoulder, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. "So, um... Can I sleep in here tonight?"

His words surprised me to the point where I could only stare at him in shock, seeing how a lazy smile formed on his lips in a questioning manner. I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out. It took me at least ten seconds until I finally managed to get something past my lips. "I... Yeah, sure."

He didn't waste a second to walk by me, entering the room as if it was his own. Still too shocked to process what was happening, I found myself staring at the now empty spot in front of me, my eyes wide open.

Once I finally came to my senses, I turned around only to see him collapsed on top of my bed, fully clothed with his arms spread out. Smiling in pure fondness, I closed the door behind me and walked over to the bed myself, sitting down on the side of it. Lifting his lifeless arm in an attempt to move it off my side, I realized it wasn't going to be easy. He was already out like a light.

With a lot of effort, I eventually managed to get under the covers, his face only a few inches away from mine. I could only stare as he scrunched his nose up in his sleep cutely, his curls a tousled mess on top of his head. He was so breathtakingly beautiful that I couldn't make myself look away from him. Neither could I believe that he was lying here next to me. It had been more than three years since the last time we had shared a bed, and now here he was, looking so relaxed and at peace that my heart was racing in my chest.

Without being able to contain myself, I brought a hand to his curls to massage his scalp. I could see how he relaxed even more, his body going completely languid and his features softening. With a smile on my face, I continued stroking his hair fondly.

It was so hard to process that this was happening. Yet, at the same time, I was afraid that he would hate me for it in the morning, but I couldn't make myself care about that right now since I had missed everything this included so much.

When I was sure he was in deep slumber, he surprised me by moving closer to my body, getting onto his side so that he could scoot over and place his head on top of my chest, his cheek pressing against my skin as he wrapped his arm around my frame. I was pretty sure he could hear how fast my heart was beating and how my breath hitched in my throat.

This move was even more challenging to process than the fact that he was here in the first place. I had to blink at least ten times to register that he was lying with his face squished against my chest as his soft breath tickled my skin.

Feeling tears brim my eyes, I moved my fingers so that they were running along the almost invisible lines on his forehead so feathery light that I was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to feel it even if he was awake. Continuing to stroke his skin and soft hair, I studied his features with a sad smile on my lips.

"Goodnight, love," I breathed into the quiet room.

Keeping my hand in his curls, I eventually closed my eyelids, trying to make my heart rate slow down so that I could go back to sleep. After a few minutes, I could feel my body relax, but that was when I remembered what we had talked about in the car two days ago, and I couldn't stop myself when I parted my lips to let the lyrics of that particular song escape my mouth.

"Oh, oh, be my baby, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh be my baby. I'll look after you... and I'll look after you..."

Chapter Text

When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was something tickling my lips, and it became clear what it was when I fluttered my eyes open and saw a mop of curls sprawled out over my chest.

I couldn't help but smile at the beautiful sight. Harry was still sleeping soundly, soft snores escaping his slightly parted lips every other second. He looked so relaxed, more relaxed than I had seen him do in a long time.

I reached up to move the curls that were tickling my lips away before going back to studying him. His arm was still wrapped securely around my frame, one of his legs hooked over both of mine with the covers in between us. He was still fully clothed, making me secretly wonder if he was as comfortable as he looked.

After spending at least five minutes studying his sleeping figure, I reached over to grab my phone from the nightstand. I noticed I only had a few notifications, but I decided to ignore them as I opened Twitter to check my feed.

Many of the tweets were about us and our visit to the restaurant yesterday evening. It would be stupid to say that we had been secretive about the whole thing. I was pretty sure the entire fandom knew about it by now.

I continued scrolling through my feed until a certain tweet caught my eye. Right. Manchester United was playing today. I knew this in the back of my mind, but after everything that had happened since Patrick announced that we were coming here Friday morning, it had totally slipped my mind.

Ever since I was a little kid, Manchester United was the team I had cheered for when it came to Premier League. And ironically enough, Harry did too since he was raised only half an hour away from the city.

We had watched a lot of games together in the past. We even went to one just the two of us back in 2013 even though we had been strictly told that we weren't allowed to be seen together in public anymore.

Thinking back to this made my heart clench in my chest. I missed those days. Watching football alone was great, but watching it with Harry was amazing. I would never say no to watching another game with him.

Before I could think of anything else, I felt the said man stir in his sleep, turning his face so that his nose was pressed against my chest. Inhaling a deep breath, I looked down as he squeezed my body, hugging me tightly before relaxing. He then turned his head again, this time so that I could see him fluttering his eyes open.

It took a few seconds until he had registered his surroundings, a crease slowly forming between his brows. The deeper it grew, the more nervous I could feel myself getting. Since he had been exhausted yesterday and drunk at least three drinks (even though he claimed he wasn't affected by them), I was afraid that he wouldn't be very happy when he realized he was lying on my chest while hugging my body with both his arm and leg.

But to my surprise, he didn't move away immediately. Instead, he tilted his head so that he could make eye contact with me, the frown being replaced by a small smile. "Hey," he mumbled, making my lips twitch and my heart race in my chest, which I was pretty sure he could feel as well.

"Good morning," I replied, my voice barely a whisper. "Sleep well?"

He nodded, eventually getting off my chest to lay down next to me, the back of his head hitting the white hotel pillow. "I did. Thank you for letting me stay here."

I couldn't deny that I missed the warmth of his body when he moved away, but as long as he was still lying next to me, it was alright. "Of course," I grinned, studying his angelic features as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

He returned the smile tentatively, his lips curling a bit. "What were you doing on your phone?" He asked, his eyes falling on the device I was still holding in my hand.

My mouth formed the shape of an 'o' as my gaze fell on it as well. "I was just checking my Twitter. I had forgotten Manchester United is playing today."

A look of realization crossed his features. "Oh, yeah, I saw that. We should go... if you want to? I mean, it's not every day we're in Manchester, and it's been a long time since we went to a game together. It's okay if you don't want to, though. We can just stay here and watch it if that's be-"

A light chuckle escaped my lips as I shook my head. "As long as there are still VIP tickets, I'd love to go with you. I mean, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a good idea to buy regular ones," I said, making him roll his eyes.

"No what, really?"

I raised my brows at him as he smirked at me. "Sod off, Styles," I huffed, whacking him in the shoulder gently.

He barely moved an inch by my touch, but the grin visibly widened on his lips. Without saying anything, he fished his phone from the back pocket of his jeans, trying to light the screen up. When it didn't give any sign of life, he let out a groan, throwing his head back against the pillow. "Can you see if there are any tickets left? My phone's a lost cause," he muttered.

Chuckling, I nodded. "Of course."

As I went onto the internet, I could see him move closer to me through the corner of my eye. He didn't stop until his head was right next to mine so that he could see the screen as well. I tried to act normal about it, but it wasn't easy. I wasn't used to having him this close to me, and it made me wonder if he was still a little out of it since the night before. But no matter what, I was going to enjoy it for as long as it lasted.

To both of our delight, there were still a few VIP tickets left, so I ordered two before putting my phone away. Harry scooted away a little when I did this but stayed closer than he was before I went onto my phone. As I turned to look at him, I noticed that his eyes were stuck on the end of his shirt.

"So, how was your day yesterday? I heard you went out shopping with Perrie," I said, earning his attention.

His green irises found mine, and a tentative smile formed on his lips. "Yeah, I did. It was nice. I found some new Gucci outfits, and Perrie found a few things too," he declared.

A light chuckle escaped my lips. "Of course you'd visit Gucci. Aren't all your suits from there?"

He let out a chuckle. "Yeah, almost. I just really like their style. I don't know what it is."

I couldn't argue with him because he fit like a puzzle piece in every Gucci suit he had worn so far. It was as if the brand was made for him, and him only.

Once we quietened down, I sank my teeth into my bottom lip, thinking about yesterday evening. "And what about when you went out with Nick? Was that nice too?" I asked him slowly, not really sure what I wanted his answer to be.

It took a long while until he replied, his eyes flicking to the end of his shirt again. "I... It was alright," he replied, refusing to meet my eyes.

His reaction made a lump form in my throat, my stomach twisting uncomfortably. "Did something happen?"

He shrugged his shoulders, still refusing to meet my gaze. "Not really. I just... I think Nick was about to kiss me?" The second he finished the sentence, he looked up at me, his eyes impossible to read.

I swallowed hard, not really knowing what to say. I couldn't say that I was surprised. I was positive Nick had more than friendly feelings for him. It just surprised me that he decided to make a move now when he'd had so many opportunities before. It just didn't make any sense.

"Oh..." I trailed off, biting my lip. "How do you feel about that?" I continued, searching his features for an answer.

He pursed his lips, pulling his eyebrows together. "I was shocked when I noticed what he was doing because I didn't want to believe you were right, but maybe you were. Or, he was just drunk. I'm not sure, but I don't know how to feel about it. He's my best friend, and that's the only way I've ever seen him."

I nodded, averting my gaze from him as I stayed quiet. I didn't like talking about this. It made me uncomfortable, knowing that someone else had almost kissed him and that there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't even have the right to say anything.

"Hey, Lou?"

With my brows pulled together, I turned back to make eye contact with him. He was still looking at me, his green eyes twinkling. "You know I don't want to kiss him, right?"

The crease between my brows smoothed out, being replaced by a small smile instead. "Yeah, I do," I confirmed, knowing it was true even though my thoughts were all over the place right now. "Is... is this why you left the club without him?"

He let out a sigh, running a hand through his unruly curls. "Part of it, yeah, but I was pretty knackered as well. I wouldn't have stayed much longer even if it didn't happen."

Nodding, I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth. "I just..." Feel like it's going to be even worse seeing you with him now. I wanted to say it, but I couldn't. Even if Harry probably already knew how I felt about him, it would be selfish of me to say something like that, and I couldn't stop him from hanging out with Nick if that was what he wanted. "Do you think things will be different between you now?" I settled with instead.

He furrowed his brows, seeming to think about it. "I don't want them to, but I don't know. Nothing even happened, but it would have if I didn't pull away. I just... I don't want to lose him. He's been there for me so much. I don't know what I would have done if he wasn't there when..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "I just don't want to lose him over something like this."

"That's understandable," I reasoned, turning to lay on my side so that I was facing him. "Nothing has to change. If you just talk to him about it and try to sort it out, no one's saying you can't still be friends. It doesn't have to ruin anything."

The corners of his lips twitched slightly as he looked at me through his eyelashes. "For someone who doesn't get along with him, you're being extremely humble about this. I mean, I know how much you dislike him, so it surprises me that you're saying this."

Letting out a light chuckle, I ran a hand through my fringe. "You're right. I don't really like him, but this isn't about me. It's about you, and I know that he was there for you when I..." I squeezed my eyes shut before opening them again. "When I left you. He's helped you a lot, and nothing can take that away from him. I also know how much he means to you, so I'm just trying to see it through your eyes."

A smile crept to his lips, stretching across his face. "Thank you. I really appreciate that, more than you know."

My lips curled into a smile as well. "Anytime."

Harry left my room shortly after that, returning to his own to take a shower and get changed into a clean outfit. I decided to do the same, getting under the showerhead in the large bathroom and letting the water soak my body.

I felt a lot fresher once I got out and got dressed in a pair of light blue jeans and the same sweatshirt I had worn to the restaurant in Dublin a few months ago; a yellow one with the logo 'tomorrow' printed on it. I then walked over to the full-length mirror to style my hair into a quiff, combing it back with my fingers and some gel.

When I was finished, I grabbed my phone from the nightstand, noticing that it was only nine-thirty in the morning. After spending time with Harry and having a not-so-short shower, I thought it would be more than that, but I was glad it wasn't.

I didn't meet any of my three friends as I made my way down to the floor where they were serving breakfast, and I realized why when I caught sight of them all sitting at a table in the corner of the cafeteria, munching on their breakfast.

I decided to grab my own food before joining them, then slid down in the seat next to Harry since it was the one that wasn't occupied. It didn't take long for me to notice that they were more quiet than usual, an obvious tension filling the air. I decided to glance at Perrie, realizing pretty quickly that she had no idea what was going on, judging by the confused look on her face.

Sending her a small smile, I turned to Harry, who was looking at his phone in his hands while chewing on a slice of toast slowly, his jaw barely moving. Eventually, I looked at Nick who was picking at his food with his fork, his eyes focused on the sausage that he kept moving around his plate.

Letting out a sigh, I decided to break the silence. "So, did you all sleep well?" I asked, flicking my gaze between Nick and Perrie since I already knew Harry did.

Perrie instantly took the chance to break the tension and nodded. "Yeah, these beds are amazing, almost more comfortable than my own," she replied, stuffing a tomato into her mouth.

"I agree. I slept like a baby," I grinned, seeing through the corner of my eye how Harry's eyes were suddenly directed at me.

Since I had his attention, I decided to glance in Nick's direction pointedly, reminding him that he should talk things out with the older man. He pursed his lips in return but nodded after a while, probably knowing that it was for the best.

The rest of breakfast was less awkward than it had seemed to be when I arrived, but it was far from great. Harry eventually joined my and Perrie's conversation while Nick kept quiet, barely saying a word as he kept picking at his food without eating anything. He didn't look too bad, so I was sure the reason he was quiet had nothing to do with him being hungover, but rather that he was thinking about what happened last night.

It became even more obvious when we all got up to leave, and Harry asked him if they could talk. He visibly tensed in his seat, his eyes turning to meet Harry's slowly. It took a long while, but eventually, he mumbled out the word 'sure' before following him out of the cafeteria.

I tried not to watch them as they left together, and I tried my best not to react to it, but I couldn't help the way my stomach turned at the sight, hating to see them together even if it was my idea that they should talk in the first place. But it was for Harry. He needed Nick, whether I liked that or not.

"Do you know what happened between them?" Perrie asked as the doors of the elevator closed in front of us, glancing at me through the corner of her eye.

I turned to meet her gaze, shrugging my shoulders. "Maybe?"

She seemed surprised by this fact, her eyes widening. "Oh, you do?"

Sinking my teeth into my bottom lip, I averted my gaze from her. "Yeah, um, Harry knocked on my door last night, claiming he accidentally went to my room instead of his," I explained, furrowing my eyebrows as I realized how stupid that sounded. There was no reason for him to knock on the door if he thought it was his own. He must have known what he was doing all along.

Shaking the thought out of my head, I went back to focus on what I was saying to Perrie. "He said he'd left the club without Nick, and then he asked me if he could sleep in my room," I continued. "I didn't think too much about it at the time, but when I asked him how it was last night this morning, he told me that Nick almost kissed him at the club."

The doors opened in front of us, but Perrie made no move to exit the elevator. When I turned to look at her, I instantly saw the shocked look on her face. Her eyes eventually found mine, blinking at me. "Hold up. What the hell did I miss?"

I let out a dry chuckle, running a hand through my fringe.

"Harry slept in your room? And Nick almost did what?" She gaped, finally leaving the elevator to join me in the corridor. "How could I miss all this?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I started walking towards our rooms. "You were asleep, so it's not that hard to believe."

She rolled her eyes, quickening her pace so that she was walking next to me instead of behind me. "So that's why they're not talking? Because Nick tried to kiss Harry, but Harry didn't want to?" She turned around to face me, her eyebrows arched.

I swallowed, nodding my head slowly. "Yeah, I guess so."

She studied my features for a while before letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry. I wasn't even thinking about you. How do you feel about this? I mean, I know this is probably something you've been afraid would happen, right?"

We were now standing outside our doors, so I decided to lean against mine, not saying anything for a while. "I mean, nothing happened between them, so it's not that bad, I guess. I know Harry doesn't feel that way about Nick, so I shouldn't really care, but after thinking something was going on between them only a few months ago, I can't help but feel weird about it," I explained.

She nodded. "That's understandable. I wouldn't have liked the idea either if I were in your place. I mean, now you know for sure that Nick has feelings for Harry, and that's probably going to make things worse than they were before," she grimaced.

"Probably," I mumbled in agreement, looking down at the floor.

"But, hey," she said, earning my attention. "Did Harry really sleep in your room last night?"

A small smile crept to my lips as I nodded. "Yeah, I have a hard time believing it myself," I confessed. "Even if I realize now that there's a possibility he only asked me because of what happened with Nick, he still left him to go see me. It makes me feel happier than it probably should."

She shook her head, her lips curling as well. "It should make you happy, Louis. You love him. Every little thing he does to make you think he returns your feelings are going to make you happy, and that's the way it should be."

"Yeah, maybe," I mumbled, looking at her through my lashes. "That might be why this whole 'Nick thing' doesn't bother me as much as it would have a few months ago. I mean, I've always been insecure when it comes to Harry's feelings, but he's made it pretty clear that he only sees him as a friend."

"He told you that?" She asked with raised eyebrows, amusement written on her features.

I looked at her questioningly. "Yeah?"

She pursed her lips, nodding her head. "Good to know."

Right then, we could both hear two familiar voices getting closer in the corridor. Perrie and I exchanged a quick look before disappearing into our separate rooms, not wanting to interrupt their conversation.

It took a while until they passed, but unfortunately, the only thing I could hear when they did was their voices and a bit of laughter, and I figured that was a good thing, even if my heart didn't agree with me. But it was good for Harry. I knew he would be happy knowing they were on good terms again.

With a spinning head consisting of everything that had happened last night and this morning, I walked over to lay down on the bed, burying my face in my blue pillow. It was only ten-thirty in the morning, yet I felt drained of energy. I wouldn't mind taking a nap before Harry and I were leaving for the game later.

The thought of spending time with Harry in a few hours made all thoughts of him and Nick disappear, being replaced by excitement instead. Something was just telling me we would have a great time together.

-----

A few hours later, I found myself in a tinted car with Harry, one of the guards from the hotel driving us to the arena. We were sitting in the backseat, minding our own business as we drove by the bypassing buildings. Harry was on his phone, typing away on it quickly, and I had just finished sending Lottie a text as well, so I wasn't any better.

However, when we started getting closer to the arena, I turned to him, pursing my lips. "So, do we have a plan?" I asked.

He instantly slid his phone into the pocket of his blue jeans, his eyes finding my own with a questioning look on his face. "Plan?"

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "Yes, plan. How are we going to get inside the arena without getting noticed?"

A look of realization crossed his features before a smile formed on his pink lips. "Oh, you mean that. Well, I was thinking that you try to get inside first without being seen by anyone, and if it works, I'll just enter the arena after you," he suggested, seeming serious about it.

I just stared at him. "You'll get to enter without hiding while no one can see me?"

He shrugged his shoulders, amusement glinting in his eyes now. "I'm pretty sure no one's going to miss the fact that Harry Styles is here," he smirked, making my mouth fall open.

"Oh, fuck off," I huffed, even though I knew he was probably right. He was impossible not to notice. His whole aura just screamed celebrity. "Although you're probably right."

Harry shook his head, his smile fading a little. "I was just kidding, Lou. The plan is that nobody will notice us, and I'm sure that if we enter the arena one by one, there's a smaller chance that we'll bring any attention."

He then turned his head to the driver. "Can you drive us as close to the backdoor as possible?" He pleaded, and the man didn't even hesitate to nod.

"Of course. Keeping you safe is my job."

Harry thanked the man before turning back to me, his eyebrows raised. "See? This will work out perfectly," he said, clapping his hands together.

"I hope so," I smiled faintly, praying that he was right because I didn't want to face the consequences if he wasn't.

A few minutes later, we arrived at the arena. Many people were surrounding the place and parking lot, making me thankful that the car's windows were tinted so that nobody could see us. The car seemed to bring a lot of attention, curious glances being cast in our direction as we drove past the security towards the backdoor.

A feeling of déjà vu hit me as we came to a stop. This whole scenario reminded me of the old days when we used to exit a car every evening to head into an arena. Even though we had been under a lot of pressure, I missed those days. There was always a certain excitement about it.

"Are you ready, Lou?"

I snapped out of my thoughts, turning to Harry, who was looking at me questioningly. "Oh, yeah."

After putting on the sunglasses I had brought just in case this situation would occur, I adjusted my Adidas cap on my head. I then got out of the car and walked over to the arena door that was only a few yards away. Through the corner of my eye, I could see a few people looking at us in curiosity, but they were so far away that they couldn't recognize me.

As soon as I was inside the arena, security guards guided me through the empty corridors towards the VIP box we had booked. The whole procedure went better than I had anticipated. If I had known it would go this smoothly, I wouldn't even have worried about it.

The second I closed the door of the VIP box behind me, I breathed out a sigh of relief, hoping things would go just as great for Harry.

As I waited for him to arrive, I took off my sunglasses and walked over to the windows, looking out on the pitch. Both teams were warming up, passing the ball between each other and stretching in between. The sight made a smile stretch across my face. This was almost too exciting. It had been ages since I last watched a game live.

Harry entered the VIP box only a minute later in one piece, his jeans and white button-up looking smooth as he ran a hand through his curls. "I see you made it out alive as well," he smiled at me, to which I nodded.

"Yeah, your plan wasn't as bad as I first thought," I teased, making him smile.

"My plans are never bad, Louis."

I shook my head in amusement. "Oh, please. Let's not even go there."

He didn't even look offended by my comment. Instead, his lips stayed curled as he walked further inside the VIP box to stand beside me, looking out on the pitch as well. "This is amazing," he breathed.

"It really is," I agreed, sitting down on one of the chairs. "Can you believe we've sold out this arena plenty of times? It's almost surreal when you see it like this."

He sat down next to me. "We sold out Wembley Stadium, Louis," he reminded me. "That arena is even bigger than this, but yeah, I agree. It is pretty hard to believe when you see it from this perspective."

I turned to him then, studying his features as he kept his gaze on the pitch. We were silent for a while until I was reminded of something. "So, how did things go with Nick?"

I had been dying to know since I heard them talking and laughing in the corridor earlier, but I hadn't found a good opportunity to ask him until now.

He tilted his head to meet my gaze, his lips curling a bit. "It went great, better than I hoped actually," he explained. "He told me he's sorry for what he did, considering he knows I don't feel that way about him. Apparently, he's had feelings for me a long time, but he never acted on them because he wanted to be my friend above anything else."

I nodded my head, averting my gaze for a second before looking back at him. "So, there's no way you'll give him a chance just because you know he has feelings for you, and you don't want him to feel bad about it?"

If I were honest, I had no idea why I asked him that. If the thought hadn't crossed his mind, I didn't want to put it into his head, but I had to know. I didn't want to be surprised if the scenario actually played out.

He furrowed his eyebrows, looking at me as if I had just said something strange. "No? I mean, of course I'm not proud of myself for still wanting to be his mate when I know he has feelings for me. I hate knowing that I'm hurting him, but I can't even imagine not being friends with him. He means too much to me, but I also can't force myself to be attracted to him, not when I've never seen him like that. So, as long as he still wants to be friends with me, I'm going to be his as well," he shrugged.

I didn't know if relief was the best way to explain what I felt because it felt stronger than that. It was like a big weight had dropped from my shoulders. I didn't even know I had been so afraid until now. I was sure knowing Harry didn't feel the same way about Nick was enough for me to realize that nothing would happen between them, but apparently not.

"Okay," I said, trying to suppress most of the happiness that was welling up inside my body.

Harry kept his gaze on me, studying my features for a long time, making me wonder if I had been looking at him the same way just a few minutes ago. It was almost intimidating but in a good way. It made butterflies erupt in my stomach.

"So, what about that guy in the crew?"

Surprised by the change of topic, I found myself blinking at him, my brain totally blacked out. "What?"

He swallowed, making his Adam's apple move. "I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about," he mumbled, averting his gaze for a second before locking eyes with me again.

Furrowing my brows, I searched his features. "You mean Logan? He's just a friend of mine," I said, wondering if he still thought there was something more going on between us. I thought I had already made it clear that there wasn't?

He nodded slowly, not seeming convinced at all. It made me even more confused. "How come you're asking me about him? I've already told you that there's nothing between us," I added.

His eyes snapped to mine, his lips pursed. "I saw you two when you were leaving the lounge room and he was in the doorway, telling you to go prepare yourself for the show," he confessed, placing his hands on his thighs, his eyes falling on the players that were ready to start the game now.

I kept my gaze on the side of his face, trying to remember what situation he was referring to. "Wait," I said after a while. "Do you mean that time when we were waiting for you in the dressing room, and you came back with your hair all over the place?"

He pulled his eyebrows together, keeping his gaze out the window. "I saw the way you smiled at him when you walked by him in the doorway and the way he checked you out when you strolled away." His eyes found mine, looking right into my soul.

Shaking my head, I closed my eyes, trying to get my head around what was going on. "Harry," I sighed. "Just a few weeks ago, I told you that I haven't dated anyone since we broke up, and there would be no reason for me to lie about that. I can't speak for what Logan feels about me, but I know what I feel, and I can tell you that nothing will happen between us because I don't see him like that, alright?"

At that second, I realized that the air between us had started becoming quite thick. Not because we were upset with each other, but because of what we were doing. It was obvious. We didn't even have to say anything to know that we were both expressing jealousy for each other. The way we looked at one another was enough to prove it.

Harry didn't say anything, and he didn't have to. I knew that he understood what I meant and believed me. It was so easy to read him now that he wasn't keeping up those walls anymore, when he was no longer trying his best to make it impossible for me to read him. I loved it because reading each other's facial expressions had always been our way to communicate back in the days.

Not too long after that, we turned our gazes to the pitch to start focusing on the game that had begun a few minutes ago. Despite the fact that most of the obvious change of atmosphere slowly went back to normal between us during the game (excitement taking over instead), it didn't quite leave altogether but floated around like a cloud that refused to disappear, making it feel like every single move we did was observed by the other.

-----

After the game that ended 2-0 to Manchester United and a pretty quiet ride back to the hotel, Harry and I went our separate ways. We gave each other lingering glances before disappearing into our rooms, closing the doors gently behind us.

It wasn't hard to tell that things were a bit off between us since that encounter, but it felt like having that conversation shouldn't have made things this weird. We had been in the same situation before and this hadn't happened then, so it shouldn't be different now.

But it was.

And maybe that was because things weren't the same between us these days. We weren't fighting anymore. We weren't trying our best to be at each other's throats. We were trying to make things work, even if we hadn't really talked about what that meant.

My head felt heavy as I collapsed on my bed, knowing very well that I wasn't able to stay there for long since I had to start getting ready for dinner with the other guys in a little while, but I was going to enjoy it for as long as I could.

When it was only thirty minutes left until we had to leave, I decided I couldn't drag it out any longer, so I pulled myself up to start searching for something to wear for the night. As I rummaged through my bag, I caught sight of the sweatshirt I had been wearing yesterday across the room and let out a sigh. I hadn't gotten rid of it yet.

Deciding not to do it now, I kept searching for something to wear until I found the checkered, beige short-sleeved button-up I had been wearing to Harry's house a few months ago.

Without having to think twice about it, I exchanged my blue and yellow sweatshirt with the shirt, buttoning it up all the way. Since it was pretty cold outside, I decided to wear the red sweatshirt I had forgotten at Harry's place the same night over the shirt. I then walked over to the full-length mirror in the room to check myself out, coming to the conclusion that it would have to do.

As I looked at my reflection in the mirror, a familiar scent hit my nostrils. It was an all too familiar scent, which made my heart flutter. I quickly realized that my sweatshirt was the source, so I reached my arm up to sniff at the soft material. Harry's scent filled my senses again, and this time, I couldn't help the smile on my face. It was incredible that it smelled so much like him just by being in his house for a couple of days.

No matter what, I wasn't going to complain. If it could smell like him forever, I would be nothing but happy.

Before I could take another sniff, there was a sudden knock on my door. My first thought was that it was Perrie since I knew it wasn't Nick, and I felt like it wasn't Harry either. Therefore, my mouth dropped open when I turned the door handle and was welcomed by the sight of the curly-haired man standing in front of me, looking as good as ever.

He was wearing a regular black suit with a white button-up underneath, and even though it was probably the simplest suit he had worn the last couple of months, it looked so neat and perfect on him. It was like it was made for him, fitting his body like a puzzle piece.

I had to remind myself how to breathe as my eyes wandered up and down his figure, almost missing the way he was doing the same thing to me. Closing my mouth, I let my hand fall from the handle as I blinked at him. "Hey," I breathed.

He didn't say anything in return as he kept taking in my looks, his gaze flickering up and down. I swallowed hard as he took a step forward to let himself inside, still without saying a word. Closing the door, I turned to look at him again, feeling the same change of atmosphere as before erupt between us.

"You're wearing the sweatshirt," he finally said, his eyes glinting as they looked into mine, his lips twitching a bit.

I looked down at the said garment before returning to gaze at him, nodding. "I thought it'll keep me warm now that it's colder outside."

He held my gaze steadily. "It looks good on you."

I could feel my breath hitch in my throat as I kept looking at his face, seeing how genuine he was. My heart started racing in my chest, and it didn't make things better that he was so close. There was barely a foot between us, and the only thing I could focus on was his beautiful features.

"Thank you," I breathed. "You look great too."

His gaze darted to the floor for a few seconds, his lips still curled in a small smile. "Thanks," he said, looking back up at me, the smile slowly fading as his eyes found mine again.

We stayed like that for a long time until his green irises flickered down to my lips, but they did so quickly that I wasn't sure it actually happened. However, when they did so again only a few seconds later while he took a small step closer to me, I knew I wasn't imagining it.

My heart was pounding in my chest, the hairs on my body standing up. He was so close, his face only inches away, hovering slightly over mine as he kept looking into my eyes. His proximity made it impossible for me to think properly, my mind thinking about so many things at the same time that I couldn't keep up, but as his eyes searched my own as if asking for permission, I knew exactly what my answer was.

I barely had to give him any sign since he could see in my eyes what I was thinking, and he didn't waste many seconds until he dipped his face down to press his lips against my own, so soft and so gentle, as if I was fragile. I inhaled a deep breath, letting his scent fill my senses as I reached up to cradle his face in my hands, bringing him closer so that our lips were pressed more firmly together.

As our mouths began moving so familiarly, yet so foreignly, I could feel my body explode with joy and happiness. This was what I had been longing for the last three years of my life, what I had been missing since the day I left him in our hallway that evening in October. I couldn't even begin to describe how much it meant to me and how amazing it felt.

Feeling sentimental about the situation, I savored the feeling the best I could, wanting to be able to think back on it later, especially when he kept moving his lips with the same enthusiasm that I was putting into the kiss because I had been so sure that I would never get to experience this again. I had been convinced I had messed it all up so badly that I could never be forgiven.

And I wanted to tell him this. I wanted him to know just how much this kiss meant to me, but of course, that was when Perrie decided to knock on the door. "Louis, we're leaving now!"

And just like that, Harry broke the contact of our lips. He took a step back, giving me a small, hesitant smile before leaving the room graciously, clicking the door shut behind him. It happened so quickly that I wasn't quite prepared for the thick silence he left behind along with the empty feeling of his absence. It made my heart clench in my chest.

Sliding down the wall until my bum hit the ground with a thud, I buried my face in my hands, feeling my lips tingle as I let out a deep breath.

Chapter Text

"You're on in half an hour."

Harry, Liam, Niall, Zayn and I were in the arena dressing room, preparing ourselves to go on stage and do yet another show. It was the fifth one in six days, and by now, it felt like we were all doing it on autopilot, singing the songs we knew by heart and saying the same things to the audience.

But regardless, we always tried to make the best of it and have fun at the same time. We were known for being ourselves - it was what the fans loved about us, so we made sure to bring that to the stage instead of rehearsed dance moves that other artists did.

Harry was already finished, sitting on the couch with his phone in his hand, playing what looked like Candy Crush. His curls were getting pretty long these days, so he had tied them up in a blue bandana, making him look very attractive.

Just looking at him from the chair I was sitting on made my arms itch. I wanted to hold him and kiss him before the show, but if Lou wasn't finished with my hair soon, I doubted I would have time for it.

Niall was getting his makeup done in the armchair next to me, which he didn't seem to enjoy very much if the way he was scrunching his nose was anything to go by. "Ashley, I'm pretty sure I don't need more of this stuff on my face," he huffed, trying to bat her hand away unsuccessfully.

Ashely just rolled her eyes at Niall's comment. "You're never going to get used to it, are you?"

Niall only gave her a pout through the mirror in return.

Thankfully, Lou was finished with my hair only five minutes later, so I didn't waste any time getting up from my seat and walking over to the couch where Harry was still sitting, engaged in his iPhone. I stopped at his feet, looking down at him with a fond smile on my lips.

"Hi, gorgeous," I greeted, leaning down so that I was hovering over him, one hand on the backrest next to his head.

His eyes instantly snapped up to meet mine, a smile forming on his lips. "Hey, Lou," he replied, tilting his chin up so that our lips could meet in a sweet kiss.

At first, it wasn't meant to last longer than a few seconds, but as our mouths kept moving together, I could feel myself getting addicted to it. My hands found his neck, my thumbs pressing against the skin of his jawline as he brought me closer by gripping my waist, his phone long gone now.

By the time Harry swiped his tongue along my bottom lip, I was so far from real life that it caught me completely off guard when a pillow suddenly hit the side of my face. "Oi, that's enough, guys," Zayn complained, and as I broke the kiss, I could see him standing across the room, his nose scrunched up and his arms folded over his chest.

"It was just a kiss, Zayn. You've seen worse than that," I reminded him.

He scoffed, scrunching his nose even more. "And I sure as hell don't want a repeat nor be reminded of it. So get your filthy hands off each other and start getting ready for the show."

With that said, he left the room, leaving us with the people who were still here but weren't paying any attention to us whatsoever. I turned back to Harry, who had an evident smile playing on his lips, his eyes focusing on my features. "I'm pretty sure we still have five minutes," he grinned.

I chuckled as I dipped down to give him another kiss. He reached up to reciprocate it immediately, sliding his mouth against my own. "Hmm, I love kissing you," I hummed against his lips.

"Great," he mumbled in reply, pulling me closer by the grip on my hips so that I had no other choice but to sink down on his lap, my knees on either side of his body. "Because I love kissing you too."

And even though we knew Zayn could walk back in any second, we still closed the distance between us again, letting our lips slot together in yet another kiss.

Yes, we were that gone for each other.

-----

I wasn't sure how long I sat there on the floor until I eventually pulled myself up and exited the room, almost forgetting the room card I had placed on the bed in the process. It felt like my mind wasn't connected to my body. My muscles were moving on autopilot, doing things without my mind's consent. And as I made my way down the corridor to the elevator, I was pretty sure I almost bumped into someone, but I was too far gone to acknowledge it.

My head was spinning, still trying to process what had taken place just a couple of minutes ago. I had a hard time taking in the fact that we had kissed. It had been so long, more than three years, but everything was the same. The way his plump lips felt against mine, the way my heart picked up its pace, and the endorphins that erupted in my body. It might have been even better now, and I couldn't deny how happy it made me feel.

But still, I couldn't push away the feeling of what Harry felt about it. Even if he told me he had realized the part of him that wanted to get closer to me over-weighed the scared one, we had still agreed to take things slow, and kissing each other was not discussed in that plan even though it was a dream come true for me. I wasn't even sure if the 'jealousy incident' was enough for me to feel even a little bit relaxed about it.

Seeing as I was so caught up in my thoughts, I barely registered that I was now outside the hotel. Thankfully, the place was not surrounded by fans or journalists, so I could walk over to the sidewalk where the car was parked without any problem. The scary part was that it probably wouldn't have even crossed my mind that people could be waiting out here if it weren't for the guards surrounding the car since other things clearly occupied my mind.

I hesitated before opening the door, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip with a hand on the handle. The thing was, the cab windows were tinted, making it impossible for me to see the insides of the car, and the thought of opening the door and coming face to face with Harry was something I wasn't sure I could take right now.

It seemed like luck was on my side, though, because the door was opened from the inside the next second, Perrie's pissed face coming into view. "Louis, what the hell are you doing? We've been waiting for ages. Where have you been?"

Swallowing, I let my hand drop from where it was, feeling my face drain from its color. I wasn't sure if I was ready to see Harry's reaction yet, because if he regretted the whole thing, I wouldn't know what to do.

Perrie seemed to read my features seeing as the pissed look vanished from her face, sympathy taking over instead. A gentle smile formed on her lips, and for a second, I was almost sure she knew what had taken place just a few minutes ago. For some reason, it made me uncomfortable, chills making their way down my spine.

I slipped inside the vehicle without a word, sitting down next to her quietly, keeping my eyes on my lap.

The car started moving, the city passing by outside the window. I stayed still for a long time, but after collecting a lot of willpower, I looked up to glance over Perrie's body and saw that Harry was sitting next to her, which meant Nick was in the seat in front of me. I didn't dare look at him too long, though, so I didn't acknowledge any possible reaction.

As we kept driving towards the restaurant, I started feeling ridiculous about what I was doing. Why was I so scared? It was Harry we were talking about, the man I knew inside and out. Sure, we'd had a rough patch where it felt like I didn't know him anymore, but he had shown me more than once that he hadn't changed. He was still the same man I had fallen in love with all those years ago, so there was no need to be scared as long as we just talked about it. I could never hate him, and I had a feeling he couldn't hate me either. We just had to work this out just like we always did when things happened in the past.

Still, there was this nagging feeling that he might regret kissing me, and it wouldn't leave my mind for the entire ride. I just didn't know what to do if it turned out it was too much for him, that we were heading into a path he didn't want us to take.

Once we arrived at the restaurant, we all got out of the car to head inside. So far, no one had caught up with where we were headed this evening, so we could enter the place without any problem. Nick and Harry walked ahead of me and Perrie, and I could feel her glancing at me at least three times in only a minute. I knew she wanted to know the reason for my reaction earlier, but I couldn't tell her now even if she wanted me to.

As if things weren't already bad enough, we were met by the restaurant's owner, Anthony, at the entrance. He instantly recognized us, his dark eyebrows shooting up as his lips curled in a smile. "Harry and Louis! I haven't seen you in ages. How have you been? Jesus, you've grown so much," he rambled, catching me off guard.

I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out, and it seemed like Harry was struggling with the same thing seeing as he stayed silent as well. "We've been... alright," I managed to say at last. "It's been a while, indeed. It's nice to see you too, Anthony."

He lit up at the mention of his name, probably happy that I remembered it. "And you've got company with you tonight," he continued, flicking his gaze between Perrie and Nick. "What an honor."

Harry seemed to snap back to reality then, straightening his body. "It's lovely to meet you, Anthony. You don't have a table for us, do you?" He asked, and since I still hadn't dared to look at his face, I didn't know what he was expressing to the man.

"Of course," the older man replied, seeming pleased. "There's always a table for my favorite guests." He looked between me and Harry, his smile growing bigger. "Follow me."

He showed us to a secluded table in the back, pretty close to the kitchen. It was perfect, seeing as the restaurant was slowly filling with people and no one could see us from it. I was pretty sure they wouldn't even notice us sitting here. "Thank you, mate," I told Anthony as we sat down. "This is perfect."

"Anytime," he replied. "I'll be here with the menus in a second."

With that said, he left us, and when I looked up, I could see both Perrie and Nick looking between me and Harry expectantly. "Alright, I knew you guys had been here before, but you never mentioned anything about being buddies with the staff. How many times exactly have you been here?" Perrie asked where she was sitting next to me.

Still keeping my gaze away from Harry, who was sitting opposite me diagonally, I fiddled with my fingers. "A few times," I said hesitantly. "They make delicious food."

Nick let out a snort. "They must certainly do."

I cleared my throat, looking up to send him a sharp look.

He ignored me while Perrie let out an exasperated sigh. "What I was saying is that I find it nice that you get along with them so well. I wish I had buddies like that at a restaurant in another place than London too," she said, a small smile gracing her lips.

We didn't have time to say anything else until Anthony returned with the menus, and unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing he was holding in his hands. My heart stopped beating in my chest at the sight, my throat closing up. "Would you look at this, guys?" He smiled proudly, holding up the picture of me and Harry as teenagers.

"This was when Harry and Louis visited this restaurant for the third time in two weeks back in 2011," Anthony continued, showing Perrie and Nick the picture while I could feel my face heat up. If I didn't dare glance at Harry before, I certainly didn't now.

Perrie lit up at the sight, her lips curling. "You look so cute," she gushed, flicking her gaze between me and Harry. "And you said you had only been here a few times when you visited the place three times in two weeks?"

I didn't reply to her, feeling too embarrassed as it was, and Harry stayed silent as well, no sound escaping his lips at all. "Please, miss," Anthony chuckled. "They've been here more times than I can count on my fingers, but it's been a few years now. How come?"

I was sure this situation couldn't get any worse, but it seemed like I was wrong. "Um..." I started, but I had no idea how to explain to him that Harry and I hadn't spent time together the past few years without him asking us any following questions and making the situation even worse if that was possible.

"Louis and I have been pretty busy lately, so we haven't had time to visit Manchester," Harry finished, taking me by surprise. "Sorry about that, Anthony."

The older man waved a hand in dismissal, not seeming to mind at all. "Don't worry about it, Harry. You're here now, and I know you guys have a busy life, what with you being famous. I've just missed seeing you here, is all."

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and managed to put a smile on my face. "We've missed you too," I said, giving him a look of the best sincerity I could manage.

He returned the smile before motioning towards the menus he had handed us. "Alright, I'm going to let you decide what to eat now. I'll be back shortly to take your orders," he promised before leaving with the picture.

I could feel the muscles relax in my body, my shoulders sagging as I watched his retreating body. This situation would have been so much less complicated if things weren't unstable between me and Harry right now. If it had been yesterday or a couple of hours ago, things would have been completely fine. We would have joked it off instead of making it so damn awkward as it was now.

"Talk about awkward," Nick chuckled under his breath. "He has no idea you broke up."

What happened to the Nick who had taken a step back? The one who Harry had told to back off? Because the only Nick I was seeing right now was the same man who had been bugging me for months. "He doesn't even know we were together," I seethed before I could stop myself.

It wasn't until it had escaped my mouth that I realized what I said, and I instantly regretted it. It wasn't necessary, especially when Harry was sitting right next to him, but at the same time, I didn't feel like apologizing either.

"Nick," Perrie frowned, looking at him.

I decided to break my refusal of looking at Harry then, my eyes drifting to where he was sitting next to Nick. I didn't exactly know what I was expecting to see, but when I noticed that he wasn't wearing his sunglasses, it made an unknown knot untie itself in my stomach. Overall, he looked kind of neutral, apart from the fact that he was being more quiet than usual, and a crease was etched into the skin between his brows. Other than that, he still seemed like the same Harry who had entered my room earlier.

Feeling slightly relieved, I relaxed in my seat, letting myself exhale a deep puff of air. I didn't even know I had been so tense until then, but it felt amazing to finally let out a breath that didn't get stuck in my throat.

Not too long after that, Anthony came back to take our orders. He then left just as quickly again, the smile remaining on his lips the entire time. He was so happy, and I couldn't help but feel bad about how I greeted him earlier, all tense and uptight. I hoped I could make up for it.

As we waited for the food to arrive, we talked about the show and what we had to do when we got back tomorrow. It was honestly a bit depressing to talk about going back home, but we were leaving early, and we had to get ready for what was to come.

I quickly noticed that Harry stayed quiet most of the time, not even interposing at places he usually did. It made the knot return to my stomach slowly but surely, and I wondered if I had spoken too soon earlier.

When the food arrived, I decided to cast him another glance, feeling the need to know what he was thinking and hoping I could read his features. He was still frowning, his brows pinched together with a look saying he was thinking deeply about something. I was pretty sure what that something was. I just hoped it wasn't bad, but judging from the way the crease only seemed to deepen between his brows, I wasn't so sure about it.

As if on cue, Harry's eyes turned to meet mine right then, his green irises boring into mine. The look I received made my breath hitch in my throat, goosebumps rising on my skin. He then looked away just as quickly, leaving me with a larger knot in my stomach than before.

I had definitely spoken too soon.

Suddenly feeling sick, I started picking at the food in front of me with my fork. The food was delicious, though, just like it always was, so even if I felt as though the food was going to come back up again once I had swallowed it, I managed to eat most of what was on my plate.

Nick seemed to be in a lot better mood than this morning, talking enthusiastically with a smile on his face. He kept shooting Harry worried glances, though, since the curly-haired man remained silent. Perrie was the one who kept the conversation going with Nick, seeming pretty happy as well, although she kept glancing at me. It must have looked pretty ridiculous in other people's eyes.

"Can you guys believe we're almost halfway through the live shows? In only a couple of weeks, this is going to be over," Perrie commented, making me snap my head to her.

The thought about this journey ending hadn't crossed my mind, not once. Sure, we still had a few weeks to go, but we had been doing this for almost six months now. A couple of weeks were nothing compared to that.

The realization made my stomach clench even more. I didn't want it to end. It was starting to feel natural doing the show, and I didn't want to even think about going back to living the monotonous life in my empty house without doing anything other than going out with my friends sometimes. I thought it made me happy before, but now I knew just how unhappy I had been at the time.

What bothered me the most was that I had no idea what would happen to me and Harry if things continued like this, if there was no reason for us to keep seeing each other every day. Just the thought of us drifting apart made my heart ache, leaving an unsettling feeling in my heart. It couldn't happen.

Pursing my lips, I looked down at the surface of the table, hearing Nick reply to her, "It's sick when you think about it like that. It feels like we've only been doing this for a maximum of a month, but we're more than halfway through it. I'm going to miss doing it once it's over."

"Me too," Perrie agreed. "It's going to feel weird going back to normal."

Right then, I could feel Harry looking at me from across the table, and I didn't hesitate to meet his gaze. He wasn't scowling as intensely as before, but the thoughtful look was still there, gracing his features. His eyes traveled down until they settled on my plate, and they stayed there for a long time.

When he eventually looked away, I didn't know how to feel, but I wasn't feeling as sick anymore. If anything, I just wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted to get at least a glimpse of what was going on inside that head of his because even though it was much easier to read his features now, I couldn't read his thoughts.

Once we had finished eating and paid for our food, we left the restaurant, but not before saying goodbye to Anthony. I gave him a hug, trying to make up for my behavior earlier, and judging from the way his eyes lit up when I took a step back, I was pretty sure he appreciated it. "Make sure to come back here soon," he said after giving Harry a quick hug as well.

Even though I couldn't promise him he would see me and Harry here together again, I nodded my head with a smile on my face. "Of course, Anthony."

Just like yesterday, fans and journalists seemed to have had enough time to pick up on where we were now, so the place was surrounded by people when we headed outside. Thankfully, the guards were already there, helping us through the crowd and into the cab we had come here in.

Once all doors were shut behind us, I could hear Nick let out a sigh of relief in the front seat. "Still not used to this, probably never going to be. I'll leave this to you guys once the show is over. I don't want it."

I rolled my eyes while Harry and Perrie scoffed. "I think a lot of celebrities would love to do the same thing," Perrie replied. "It's not like we're asking for it."

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "Well, I'm not jealous."

The ride back to the hotel was quiet, apart from the radio playing through the speakers. Nick kept singing along to the music while Harry, Perrie and I minded our own business, which consisted of looking out the window and using our phones. The ride didn't last too long, though, so we were soon back inside the hotel, making our way inside the hotel.

Nick made sure to wrap an arm around Harry's shoulders as we started walking towards the elevator, pulling him away from me and Perrie. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but judging by the look Nick gave me, I could only assume it was about me.

It was almost hard to believe that the tables were completely turned only this morning. They had been the ones ignoring each other then, and now Harry and I were. The only difference was that Nick would never even think of encouraging Harry to talk to me.

"You're staring," Perrie whispered into my ear, making me snap my head to her.

She was giving me a small smile, almost as if she was afraid to say the wrong thing. "I can't help it," I muttered in return but didn't look back at the two men who were changing directions and heading towards the bar instead of the elevator.

"What happened?" She asked, curiosity lacing her voice now.

I shrugged, averting my gaze from her. "Nothing."

Seeing her raise her eyebrows at me through the corner of my eye, I let out a sigh. "I just don't want to talk about it. Maybe later, but I kinda just want to be alone right now."

She nodded in understanding, probably realizing it was more severe than she first thought. "I hope things will work out for you, though," she smiled, and I couldn't help but crack my lips into one myself.

"Me too."

When we were about to go inside the elevator, I decided to turn around one last time just to check. Nothing else. Just to check. To my surprise, Harry wasn't with Nick anymore, but he was now heading towards the elevator while Nick was still sitting at the bar, his head a little bowed.

Harry left him.

A weird feeling erupted in my stomach, and for some reason, I couldn't help but smile to myself as the elevator started going upwards. Maybe he needed some time alone as well.

Perrie and I separated once we were at our doors, entering our rooms after saying goodnight to each other. As mentioned before, we were leaving pretty early tomorrow morning, so having an early night was something I wouldn't say no to.

My eyes fell on the ripped sweatshirt that was still lying in the same place on the floor as where I tossed it last night. I would have to take care of it tomorrow before leaving.

Telling myself this, I collapsed on top of the unmade bed, realizing it was only a couple of hours ago I was lying here with Harry's head on top of my chest and his limbs wrapped around my body. It was surreal how many things had happened in such a short amount of time. Everything was fine this morning. He had even smiled at me the first thing he did when he woke up, and then he moved closer to see my phone screen when I ordered the tickets for the game.

Everything was fine - great even - up until the moment he entered my room and kissed me.

But as I turned my gaze to the door, where it all took place, I couldn't help but let my lips curl in a smile. Even if things were pretty uncertain between us now, there were no regrets on my side. I could never regret kissing him, especially not when it felt so completely right.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I barely registered the footsteps on the other side of the door, but they were there, and I had a feeling they belonged to the curly-haired man I couldn't seem to stop thinking about. When they came to a halt right outside my door, I could feel my heart stop beating in my chest.

But right when I thought he was about to knock, the footsteps continued down the corridor. He then entered his room, the sound of his door clicking shut impossible to miss. I could hear him padding inside, making a feeling of déjà vu hit me. It was exactly like on the audition tour, when I had heard everything he was doing on the other side of the wall.

Just like then, he was pacing the room now as well, and I could almost see him running his hands over his face. It was so frustrating, knowing exactly what was going on - that he was most likely thinking about what happened earlier but not knowing what to feel - without being able to do anything about it.

The footsteps soon died out, and the only thing I could hear was the ventilation system in my room. It made me toss my head back against my pillow. It seemed like I wasn't going to find out what he was thinking anytime soon.

I turned on the flatscreen to get on other thoughts, trying to find something decent to watch. Unfortunately, no football games were being streamed tonight, at least not on the available channels at this hotel, so I settled with an episode of Friends. Harry had made me watch the show at least three times back in the days since it was his favorite, and sure, it wasn't exactly bad, but there were better shows out there. I couldn't deny that it was a good distraction now, though.

As I watched the episode, my mind drifted away while my eyelids got heavy. It felt like I was balancing somewhere between slumber and awareness when there was suddenly a knock on the door. The timing couldn't be worse.

Groaning, I got up from the bed, padding over to the door sleepily. I placed my hand on the handle and turned it, pulling it open just a little to get a glimpse of who was outside. My eyes widened at the sight of Harry, his curls pointing in different directions and his eyes blown. Maybe it shouldn't surprise me that it was him, but his appearance certainly did.

"Wha-?"

I cut myself off when he took a step forward, opening the door further to get inside, his hands instantly finding the side of my neck, tilting my face up to make our eyes meet. Before I could even register what was happening, he closed the gap between us, pressing his soft lips against mine in a firing kiss.

It caught me so off guard that I stumbled backward, my back hitting the wall next to the door. He followed after, though, not letting our lips disconnect even for a second. My head was spinning with so many thoughts that I could feel myself getting dizzy. Or, it was by the way his mouth was moving against mine, so desperately, as if he was about to die and this was the last kiss he would ever experience.

One of his hands traveled down the back of my neck, down my spine until it settled on my lower back, just above the curve of my bum. He pressed our bodies closer together, our chest flush as he kept pressing desperate kisses to my lips. But it wasn't until he bit down on my bottom lip and a gasp escaped my lips that I snapped back to reality, realizing what was going on.

"Harry, wait," I interrupted, placing my hands on his shoulders to push him away gently, and he went without any resistance. "What are we doing?"

I could see his features changing, going from completely determined to more unsure every second. His puffy lips parted as he looked into my eyes, blinking. And just like that, he fell forward, crashing right into my chest, burrowing his face into my neck. In order to keep us both upright, I wrapped my arms around his body, rubbing my hands up and down his back as he let out a shaky breath.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled hoarsely. "I'm so sorry, I..."

I shook my head, feeling myself get emotional. "No, don't apologize," I reassured him, biting my lip to hold back the tears.

He pulled back to look at my face, his eyes filled with sadness and regret. "I shouldn't have... I just... I couldn't..." He trailed off, his eyebrows pulling together.

Taking his face in my hands so that he had no other choice but to keep his head turned to me, I stared into his eyes. "Harry, please. Look at me," I told him as he tried to avert his gaze.

When he realized there was no use to keep trying since I was cradling his face in my hands, he stopped fighting, his green irises finding mine. "I want this so much, okay? You have no idea how long I've wanted to kiss you, but there are so many things we need to talk about before this can happen. I don't... Are you even sure this is what you want?" I asked him, pain filling my eyes. Only a couple of weeks ago, he had told me that he was scared of getting too close to me after all.

He closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again, tears threatening to spill. "I just... I can't stop thinking about how much I want to kiss you. I've been thinking about it since this morning when I woke up with my face against your chest. And then we did kiss, and I couldn't stop thinking about it during the entire time we were at the restaurant. I know my thoughts are messed up, and yes, I was questioning what we did, but fuck, I just... I just want to be close to you. I've missed you so fucking much." His voice cracked at the end, and I couldn't stop the tear that rolled down my cheek.

Smiling through the tears in my eyes, I took the stray curl that was hanging in front of his eyes between my fingers, tucking it behind his ear. "I've missed you too, Harry. God, you have no idea how much I've missed you."

His lips curled into a faint smile as a tear rolled down his cheek as well. "You're right, though. We need to talk. There are a lot of things that need to be discussed. But I'm too tired for that right now... tomorrow?" He asked, his eyes searching my face.

"Of course," I promised, my lips curling as I caressed his cheeks with my thumbs, feeling his light stubble on my fingertips.

Without even asking this time, Harry took a step back and walked over to my bed, lying down after stripping to his boxers as if it wasn't a big deal at all. I swallowed at the sight but didn't hesitate as I did the same and got under the covers next to him. "I missed this pillow," he mumbled almost incomprehensibly, fiddling with the corner of my baby blue one.

A tired smile formed on my lips as memories of us sharing it back in the days flashed through my mind. "I wouldn't expect anything else. I told you it's a keeper, didn't I?"

He chuckled lightly, his dimple popping where he was lying, facing me with his cheek pressed against the hotel pillow. "I didn't think you would keep it, though, since you know... it holds a lot of memories. So it surprised me when I saw you with it when we were going on the audition tour."

I turned to face him properly, tucking my arm under my head. "I would never get rid of it," I told him honestly. "It didn't even cross my mind when I thought I didn't want anything to do with you."

His smile faltered a little at my words, but it remained on his lips. "I'm glad you didn't," he said, scooting a bit closer so that his head was in between our pillows. "Because it brings a smile to my face every time I see it."

I could feel a tug in my heart as I looked at him, searching his features. He meant it. It was obvious by the way he held my gaze and didn't look away. My lips curled in a smile, and I suddenly felt this urge to wrap my arms around him, hold him close and never let go. His sincerity just meant so much to me.

As if reading my mind, he scooted even closer, putting his head on my chest and wrapping his arm around my torso. I could feel every muscle in my body relax, going completely languid at the feeling of him against me. He let out a soft sigh as I buried a hand in his hair, tugging at a few curls gently.

"I've missed this as well," he mumbled against my bare chest, his voice getting sleepier by the second.

I wrapped my other arm around his body, not feeling quite as hesitant about touching him today as yesterday. "Me too, H," I replied, leaning down to press a kiss to his hair.

Just when I thought he had fallen asleep, he opened his mouth again, "Will you sing me to sleep just like you did last night?" He pleaded, making my body freeze for a couple of seconds.

"Of course. Anything for you."

And so I did, letting the familiar lyrics fill the silent room just like the night before. Only this time, things felt even better.

Chapter Text

I woke up the following morning by the sound of an alarm going off. What confused me was that it wasn't the signal of my own, but an unknown one, and it wasn't coming from my nightstand. "What the fuck?" I groaned, reaching up to rub the sleep out of my eyes.

It wasn't until then I was reminded that Harry had spent the night here again. And just like yesterday, he was sleeping with his head on my chest, his curls sprawled out, but they were luckily not getting into my mouth this time. He yawned, his eyes still closed as I peered down at him, his eyelashes fluttering slightly.

"I'll turn it off," I informed him, reaching over to the nightstand on the other side of the bed that was fortunately within reach before turning off the alarm on his phone. "Why the fuck would you set the alarm at six-thirty in the morning?"

He let out a light chuckle against my skin. "Because we're leaving early, and I don't like to stress, which you should be aware of."

Letting out another groan, I threw my head back against my pillow, getting awfully aware of our positions. The fact that Harry's head was on my chest wasn't the problem. It was the fact that both our duvets had been pushed off our bodies during the night, and Harry had his leg hooked over my crotch. On top of that, we were only wearing boxers.

As if that wasn't enough, I was hard, which honestly didn't surprise me. It had been years since I was with another person, and this was the man I had last been with. He was also the man I had been yearning for ever since.

Harry seemed to notice the problem in my boxers only a few seconds later when he moved his leg. He tilted his face up to wiggle his eyebrows at me, making me want to slap the smirk off his face.

"We're ignoring this," I stated, throwing an arm over my face to make it impossible for him to see my features.

"Why, though?"

The suggestive tone he was using, followed by the feeling of his lips pressing against the skin of my collarbone and his thigh rubbing against my semi made me let out a groan. "Harry, stop."

He let out a chuckle but did as told and halted his movements. I removed my arm to look down at him, noticing that he was closer than I first thought, and he was smiling so wide that it made my heart flutter, butterflies erupting in my stomach. He was so beautiful.

"Talk," I reminded him breathlessly, making his lips twitch even more. "We said we would talk."

"Ay, ay, captain," he joked, making me reach out to wack him in the head.

"Shut up."

He removed his leg from my body with a laugh but kept his head on my chest. To make it more comfortable, he placed his hands under his chin while turning over so that he was lying on his stomach, only a few inches separating our faces.

"Okay, let's talk," he grinned, both of his dimples popping.

I let out a sigh. "I'm serious, Harry."

"So am I," he promised, keeping his eyes locked with mine.

After looking into his eyes for a while, I noticed he was being serious, so I bit down on my bottom lip and averted my gaze. "I just... When we said that we were going to take things slow, we never mentioned anything about, you know... getting back together or anything. So, what I'm saying is... I just want us to be on the same page."

"Louis," he said, making me tilt my head to look at him hesitantly. His lips were slightly curled. "I'm going to be honest with you and say that I wasn't sure what I wanted when we talked about it, but I've come to realize that ever since we first met eight years ago, I have known that I can't just be friends with you. You are so much more than that, and you're always going to be. And at the same time, I can't imagine not having you in my life, so take that as you want."

He watched me through his lashes, and I couldn't help the hitch in my throat. "But yesterday..." I trailed off, my head spinning at a quick speed because I couldn't believe what he had just said.

He shook his head, his curls flying. "I know that it looked bad. I just..." He trailed off, looking away for a second, his brows furrowing. "There's just a lot to process. I've been telling myself the last three years that there's nothing that could make me forgive you for leaving me. You completely broke me, so I promised myself not to go back to you no matter what." His eyes found mine again, the pain in them slowly subsiding. "But then we started working together for the show, and all memories of us started coming back. Just imagining you ending up with someone else hurts so fucking bad. I can't think about it without wanting to hit something, and you know I'm usually not a violent person."

He took a break to inhale a large breath. "What I'm saying is that things started going against my plan, and I could feel myself getting more and more drawn to you. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but when you kept apologizing for what you did and explained what happened, I realized that I was slowly giving in. I tried to hold it back, doing everything I could to keep a distance between us because I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away if we got close enough. But then I realized that's exactly what I wanted. You will always be the one I want. All these years of trying to date other people... I knew why it never worked all along, but I kept trying because I hoped things would work eventually. But I've realized that... it's always going to be you."

I could feel tears pricking my eyes, my heart fluttering in my chest as I looked into his eyes that were now holding my gaze steadily, his green irises filled with sincerity. I realized then that it was time to tell him exactly what happened that day.

"I never told you the full story," I confessed in a breath, looking down at his chin. "I never told you what Simon said to make me leave you."

He swallowed, his Adam's apple moving up and down. When he opened his mouth to talk, I reached out to press my finger against his lips. "Let me explain," I frowned, shifting a little. "The reason I never told you was that I found it so pathetic. I knew you would only laugh at me, so I decided to keep quiet instead. I just... I've always been a bit insecure when it comes to your feelings. I know how many people there are out there who would do anything to be with you, and I guess Simon was aware of that, so he decided to use it to his advantage."

Squeezing my eyes shut, I recalled what he told me that day.

"He's going to get incredibly big, that boy. And you? You'll be the partner he can't show off to anyone. You'll be the one who's going to prevent him from living things out fully. And let's face it, you won't be good enough for him then. He's going to want so much more when the band no longer exists, when you boys aren't there to prevent him from doing whatever he wants to anymore."

"He manipulated me into thinking you were going to leave me once the band went on hiatus. He said that you would want so much more, that I would be in the way for you to succeed properly, and that there was no way you would want someone you had to hide from everyone when you had everything else." I looked back up at him, seeing the pain return to his eyes, his brows set in a deep frown.

"I'm so sorry, Harry. I know I never should've believed him. He just... he took advantage of my insecurities, and then when you..." I trailed off, running out of breath.

"Said I cheated on you with a girl I had been spotted with..." He added, looking completely broken now.

"Yeah," I confirmed, sinking my teeth into my lip. "I was so convinced that Simon was right. And I never told you, but I was always afraid you'd leave me for a girl, for someone you wouldn't have to hide from everyone. So, even if I was the one leaving and hurting you, I was hurt too," I explained, my voice cracking at the end.

He didn't say anything, and he didn't have to. I could see by the tears brimming his eyes and the look on his face that he didn't know this. He didn't know my side of the story. And how could he when I had always refused to say it to him? I could have told him the same day Simon mentioned it to me. I could have ended it right there, but I didn't because I was too much of a coward.

"I know I should have told you instead of distancing myself. It was stupid, but as I mentioned, I thought you would only laugh at me and tell me that you would never leave me. But I was so convinced you would since everything Simon told me sounded real. You just didn't know what your future had in store yet. So, instead of waiting for you to leave me, I decided to leave you first, but I realized later that it would have probably hurt just as bad. I was so afraid of losing control, of not being able to do anything about what would happen. But look where that got me," I chuckled flatly.

We fell into silence then, just searching each other's features, examining every inch. It should have probably left me self-conscious, seeing as it felt like he was looking right into my soul, but this was Harry. He already knew me inside and out, and I wanted him to. There was nothing I wanted to hide from him.

He then moved his hand from my chest to run it along my cheekbone, trailing up the side of my face to the corner of my eye. The pad of his finger felt like silk against my skin, moving so gently as he held my gaze with his, concentration evident in his eyes. "Thank you for telling me," he spoke eventually.

A small smile crept to my lips as I lifted my hand to tuck a stray curl behind his ear. "I should have told you a long time ago."

He shook his head, the crease returning to the space between his eyebrows. "I'm so sorry," he apologized. "I didn't know I was making things so much worse. I wouldn't have..." He trailed off, inhaling a large breath.

"Hey," I said softly, placing my palm against his cheek while looking into his eyes. "It's not your fault. This is all on me. I shouldn't have listened to him. That evening wouldn't even have taken place if I didn't, and I wouldn't have started distancing myself from you. So, please, don't blame yourself for this, alright?"

He squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his cheek against my chest. "You shouldn't blame yourself either, Louis," he said, opening his eyes to peek up at me. "Simon knew exactly what he was doing, and I know I said that I didn't understand how you could believe whatever he said to you when I told you so many times how much I loved you, but I understand now. Simon is a sick man, but he's clever. He knew exactly how to get to you."

I nodded, letting out a sigh as I moved my hand to his hair, stroking it softly. "He asked me to sign a new contract with him the same day, after he had said all that. I don't even remember how it happened because I was so spaced out after what he had just told me, but I guess that was his plan," I mumbled.

He sat up then, his eyes boring into mine with shock written across his features. "What?" He echoed, half gaping.

I looked down at my chest, feeling embarrassed just thinking about it. I had been so weak. It was nothing but humiliating. "Yeah, I know," I mumbled. "It's embarrassing."

Harry started shaking his head abruptly. "No," he breathed, taking my face into his hands, looking me in the eyes while hovering slightly over me. "It's not embarrassing. What he did... I can't believe he went that far. He's worse than I thought, and I already knew he was bad. Fuck, he actually did that when you... when he basically told you to leave me?" His voice cracked at the end, his eyes filled with tears. "He's got no fucking heart at all."

"I know," I mumbled. "I would have never agreed to it if I had known what I was doing."

His face crumpled right in front of me, a few tears rolling down his cheeks. "And all this time, I thought... you did it just to spite me."

My heart broke at the sight, and I couldn't stop myself from reaching up, cupping his cheek in my hand as tears started prickling my eyes as well. "I could never do that. I'll admit that I was a little disappointed that you didn't tell me you were planning to sign a contract with Columbia, but that didn't have anything to do with it. I was just so... lost. I didn't know what I was doing."

He fluttered his eyelashes as he sniffled. "I was going to tell you, but at the time, it was still fresh, and they hadn't completely made their minds up yet. I wanted to surprise you once it was all decided, but then you started distancing yourself, and I never got the chance to."

I swallowed, realizing just how stupid I had been for being disappointed in him. He wanted to surprise me. He wanted to see the smile on my face when he told me the news, yet I was never there to support him. Instead, I was making plans for when I would leave him.

A sob escaped my lips at the realization. I wanted to hug myself, shield me from the pain that was erupting inside me, but Harry leaned down to do it instead, his warm arms going around my torso, his face nuzzling into the crook of my neck and his lips brushing my skin. I wrapped my arms around him in return, pressing him tightly against me while inhaling his sweet scent.

"I didn't know," I sniffled. "I wouldn't have..."

"It's okay, Lou," he mumbled against my skin, but I shook my head.

"No, it's not. You have no idea how many times I've been telling myself how stupid I was for leaving you these past few months. When we first met again, I thought I hated you for what you told me that night. I thought I would never be able to forgive you, but it only took me a few months to realize that my feelings for you never disappeared. I didn't even know you never cheated on me then, and for some reason, I was able to push that aside because I realized that it will always be you no matter what. I can't see myself with anyone but you."

He lifted his head from my neck to look me in the eyes, our faces mere inches apart, his lips spreading in a teary smile. "I like the sound of that."

"Yeah?" I breathed, my eyes locked on his, my lips twitching as well.

"Yeah," he confirmed. "Very much."

"Does that mean you forgive me?" I asked tentatively, fearing the answer since my last couple of weeks had depended on trying to get him on my good side again. Besides, I still had a hard time letting myself get over what I did to him.

He curled his lips, his eyes glinting from the dimmed light in the room. "I wouldn't be here right now if I hadn't already," he replied in a whisper, his eyes flickering down to my lips.

My heart fluttered at his words, happiness exploding in my body. Right then, it felt like everything would be okay, that there was a happy ending to this disaster. And maybe it would be easier for me to move on from what happened now that Harry had done so.

I was just about to lift my head and close the distance between our lips when there was a knock on the door, interrupting our moment. "Louis, it's time to get up! We're leaving in forty minutes," Perrie called out. "And you too, Harry!"

Harry's eyes widened at the sound of his name, a look of confusion crossing his face. "How...?" He trailed off, studying my features questioningly.

"I'll tell you later," I promised, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek before sliding off the bed to get ready.

-----

An hour later, we were on our way back to London. Perrie was driving this time, Nick sitting in the passenger seat while Harry and I were in the back. The middle seat was separating us, and for some reason, it felt like there was too much space between our bodies, even though we had been sitting like this only two days ago without any problem at all.

Glancing at Harry through the corner of my eye, I could see that his teeth were sunk into his bottom lip and his eyebrows pulled into a frown, as if the distance was bothering him as well. Of course, there could be something else going on in his head, but when I reached out to take his hand into my own, brushing the pad of my thumb over his knuckles and saw how he visibly relaxed, I took it as a sign that it was what he was thinking about.

The previous hour had flown by. Harry had decided to help me pack my bag, considering half of its content was scattered across the floor. He found it amusing, seeing as I hadn't changed at all since we lived together. But it wasn't until he saw the ripped sweatshirt that he laughed, "I can't believe you're still such a messy person."

With a huff, I had grabbed the garment and tossed it into the bin, which... alright, I should have done two nights ago, but a lot of things had been going on, and there was just no time. And whenever there was, I was too tired to do it.

Harry had already packed his bag the day before, so once he had gotten dressed in some fresh clothes, we went down to eat breakfast. Neither Perrie nor Nick was there, which wasn't that surprising considering we were supposed to leave in only ten minutes, so we sat down at an empty table and almost shoved the breakfast into our mouths to be able to meet up with them at a reasonable time.

We met Perrie and Nick in the hotel's parking lot with our breaths in our throats, and both Perrie and Nick looked between us, Nick suspiciously and Perrie knowingly. Neither of them said a word, though. It surprised me since I thought Perrie would be mad that we arrived late, but apparently not.

This left us to where we were now. We had yet to break the silence that had occurred, but the radio was on at a low volume at least. I could see Perrie sneaking glances at us in the rearview mirror now and then, and if she thought she was being subtle about it, she was wrong.

"So," she said eventually. "You guys in the back seem to be on good terms again. I assume you worked out whatever happened between you?"

I looked down at my and Harry's touching hands, seeing the way our rope and anchor tattoos aligned, making a smile form on my lips. On top of that, he had painted his nails pink and yellow, which made things even better.

"Yeah, we're okay," I grinned, not being able to help just how much my lips curled. Harry met my eyes when I looked at him, and his lips twitched as well.

"Lovely to hear," she replied. "Patrick called me half an hour ago saying that we should get ready to start working as soon as we arrive at the arena. We were already going to get there later than usual, and now on top of that, we're going to be there even later thanks to you two."

Okay, so she was mad. She was just very good at hiding it.

"Thanks a lot, Pez," I scoffed, making her glare at me through the rearview mirror.

Harry squeezed my hand gently, indicating me not to overreact, which I knew I tended to do at times. "What he's trying to say is that we're sorry for arriving late, and thank you for the information," Harry said with much more sincerity.

It made me think of the first day of the audition tour when Perrie asked him if he was excited about the show and he snapped at her. Later, she said it surprised her to see him act that way since she was so used to seeing him treat people like an angel. This was the Harry she had been talking about then, the one we all knew. It was still hard to believe he had snapped at her like that, but now that I knew why he did, it made a lot more sense.

Perrie's lips twitched as she nodded in acceptance. Harry and I were really like day and night.

The following hours seemed to flash by, and maybe that was because I managed to fall asleep after being rudely woken up at six-thirty in the morning by Harry's alarm. I didn't regret it, seeing as Harry and I wouldn't have had time to talk if we woke up later, but it still left me tired.

Nick seemed a bit reserved, judging from what I managed to catch in my awakened state of the ride. He talked to Harry and Perrie occasionally, but there was a noticeable difference compared to how much he usually talked. I wondered if that was because he was suspicious about me and Harry. He did know we had spent the morning together after all.

Nevertheless, we arrived at the arena in London at one in the afternoon after a quiet ride. We got out of the car and unloaded our bags from the trunk to put them into our own instead. We then went into the backdoor of the arena, considering the main entrance was blocked by a mob of people.

Harry walked next to me through the corridors while Nick and Perrie were in front of us. It was almost strange, but it would be a lie to say I didn't like it. Harry's presence never ceased to make me feel giddy and content, a feeling I had been missing a long time now.

We weren't touching, though, and it was for the best. I was pretty sure we were both on the same page when it came to not giving anything away about us. We had always been taught that the fewer people who knew the better, and even though it was Simon who had told us this, we knew he was right, at least until we came out publicly.

Perrie and Nick entered the lounge room, and I was about to do the same when I was pulled back by a hand that caught my forearm in a grip. The familiar long fingers and the rings digging into my skin made it easy for me to know it was Harry. It became even more apparent when I was backed up against the wall, his curly hair, green eyes and sharp jawline coming into view, stopping mere inches from my face.

My lips parted in surprise as I blinked. "This situation is giving me a feeling of déjà vu," I managed to breathe.

He arched his eyebrows, the corner of his lips twitching. "From when?"

Glancing down at his heart-shaped lips, I inhaled a breath. "When we were about to head into the press conference room, and I forced you to come over to my place after you said you never cheated on me," I explained, my heart racing in my chest.

He tilted his head to the side, the smile growing on his face. "Right, but the positions are switched now."

My lips twitched as well. "And you're not mad at me anymore," I added, placing my hands on his shoulders and trailing them up the back of his neck.

"True," he grinned, leaning in even further so that the tips of our noses were brushing. "We also weren't touching then."

My breath hitched in my throat as he placed his hands on the small of my back, pressing me closer to his body. "And we certainly weren't this close to each other," he continued, his curls tickling my forehead.

I curled my fingers into the hair at the back of his neck, tilting my face up to look him in the eyes, our breaths mingling together. "I prefer this over last time."

"Me too," he smiled, his eyes flickering down to my lips. The way he looked at them made my heart flutter, and all I wanted was to close the gap between us and pull him even closer.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked, his breath hitting my mouth as his eyes traveled back up to look me in the eyes.

"You don't even have to ask."

At that, Harry's smile widened, and he didn't waste another second to lean in and catch my lips with his, the hands on the small of my back digging deeper into my skin. Meanwhile, I moved my hands further up to tangle my fingers into his longer strays of curls, pushing my body off the wall to press our chests together.

This kiss was more passionate and sincere than the last one, and our lips moved like they had known each other for years, knowing exactly what the other was thinking and what the next move was going to be. It felt amazing. I couldn't believe I had gone three years without kissing him properly, without the feeling of his teeth nipping at my lip, his curls tickling my skin, and his arms wrapped around me. It made me want to cry because I was finally, after such a long time, experiencing it again.

It seemed like he was having similar thoughts seeing as he deepened the kiss, moving his hands so that they were gripping my hips instead and pushing me against the wall. He wedged his knee between my thighs as he dipped his tongue into my welcoming mouth, licking his way inside to find my own.

I let out a gasp as our tongues met and his knee pressed against my crotch. I was not expecting the kiss to go this far, but I wasn't complaining. The only thing that kept nagging me was that we were in the corridor, and anyone could walk by at any time, so we weren't exactly safe.

These thoughts completely left my mind as his lips left my mouth to travel down the side of my neck, nipping and kissing at the skin, his tongue lapping at the same spots. It left me breathless, and it took a long time for me to come back to my senses.

"Harry," I breathed, pulling at his curls gently. "We can't... do this here."

My words seemed to make the cogwheels start working in his brain as he raised his face from my neck to press his forehead against mine, exhaling a large breath. "You're right. It's just... I can't get enough of you. It's been way too long."

My lips twitched at his words, and I moved my hand to his cheek, barely brushing my fingers along the skin of his cheekbone. "I feel the same way," I admitted, glancing up at his eyes. "But this place just isn't safe."

He let out a sigh. "I know."

Yet, he didn't make a move to take a step back, which I found nothing but endearing.

Sending him a small smile, I reached up to press my lips against his quickly before sliding out of his hold and off the wall. When I turned back to look at him, his lips were formed in a pout, making me let out a light chuckle. "You're way too cute when you're pouting like that."

His lips turned into a smile instead, his left dimple popping. "So cute you'll kiss me again?"

I rolled my eyes, reaching my hand out to him. "Later, Styles. Right now, we have a job to attend."

He took my hand and laced our fingers together. "Later then," he agreed, squeezing my hand before dropping it as we opened the door of the lounge room.

I didn't know what to expect, but I certainly wasn't prepared for at least ten pairs of eyes turning to look at us. It made me awfully aware of my and Harry's appearances. I was pretty sure my sweatshirt was wrinkled after Harry had curled his fingers in it, and I was still sporting a semi after the way he had pressed his thigh against my crotch, which I hoped wasn't prominent through my jeans. Harry was probably worse, though, seeing as I was pretty sure I had messed his hair up completely during the kiss.

However, he was pretty quick with running his hands through his curls to fix them, and the people in the room didn't seem to think twice before looking away from us. The only gazes that remained were Nick, Perrie and Patrick's, who were all waiting for us to sit down.

"About time, lads," Patrick said, raising his eyebrows at us.

I grimaced. "Sorry for being late. I left my phone in my bag in the car, and Harry decided to come with me," I lied.

"Which didn't turn out to be a good idea seeing as we got mobbed by the fans who were waiting outside the entrance," Harry added.

Patrick eyed us both, pursing his lips. "Well, that explains your wrinkly clothes and your hair," he mumbled. "Anyway, have a seat so that we can get started once and for all."

Harry sat down next to Nick on the couch while I settled next to Perrie, feeling how she was staring at me even though I didn't turn to meet her gaze. Patrick was sitting on a chair next to us, his elbows resting on his thighs.

"I hope you had a nice trip to Manchester and took advantage of your time away from work," he began, a smile forming on his lips. "But it's time to get back to business. We're halfway through the live shows now, which means things are getting more serious. So I want you all to spend more time with your acts from now on and get more into detail about what they should think about during their performance. Sound alright?"

We all nodded, which Patrick took as a sign to continue. "Good. I'll let you get to work now. Your acts are waiting for you to join them. Good luck."

With that said, he got up from his chair and walked away, leaving us all to stare at each other. "We should probably get started," Nick mumbled after a while and got up to leave as well.

Harry followed soon after, giving me a long look before walking out the door. Heat made its way to my cheeks, coloring them a light pink, and it didn't make matters better that Perrie was still looking at me.

"Do I even want to know what you two were doing before entering this room?" She asked, flashing me a knowing look.

"Oh, shut up," I muttered, elbowing her in the ribs, which only made her laugh harder.

"If people knew about you, you wouldn't be subtle at all. You might be the worst at covering things up."

"Just because you knew I hadn't forgotten my phone," I pointed out. "Patrick believed us, though, and he didn't even bat an eye."

Her laughter died down, but her lips remained in a smile. "True," she said, tilting her head to the side. "It was still pretty funny, though."

Rolling my eyes, I nudged her in the side again. "Come on, let's get to work."

-----

The day turned out to be very intense, which probably shouldn't have surprised me, seeing as we started later than usual and Patrick had put more work on us, but that didn't mean it was exhausting. I was pretty sure that being away for two days didn't exactly help with it.

So, at five in the afternoon, I found myself sitting on the windowsill in the lounge room, smoking a cigarette with the window open. It made the muscles in my body relax remarkably after being so tense during the last couple of hours. There was just nothing that could beat a cigarette break.

Another benefit was that I was alone, which helped me relax even more. The silence along with the feeling of smoke filling my lungs made my lips curl, and I found myself leaning against the wall behind me, my feet propped up on the windowsill.

"I shouldn't be surprised that you're hiding in here of all places."

My head snapped to the sound of the voice, and it didn't take long until they landed on Logan, who was leaning against the door frame with a smirk on his face, just like he had done a couple of weeks ago.

"I'm not hiding," I muttered, averting my gaze to look out the window, inhaling a drag of my cigarette.

He took a few steps further into the room. "And I was not looking for you," he replied, the irony evident in his voice.

His words made me snap my face back to him, my brows furrowing. "You were looking for me?"

Logan shrugged his shoulders as he took a few more steps towards me until he leaned against the wall next to my feet. "Maybe," he smiled. "It's been a while since we last talked. How was the trip to Manchester? Did you have fun?"

Still a bit suspicious, I pursed my lips. "Yeah, it was fun. I strolled around the city, ate at some restaurants with the other guys and went to the Manchester United game with Harry," I told him, a smile forming on my lips just thinking about it. I would constantly be reminded that it was the trip where Harry and I made up after our three years apart. It was certainly something to remember.

He seemed a bit surprised. "You and Harry went to a football game together? So, you're back to being mates then?"

The smile remained on my face as I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I didn't know how much I missed him when I talked to you about him, if you remember?"

He nodded. "Yeah, of course. I'm glad things worked out for you. It's great to catch up with long-lost friends, isn't it?"

"It is," I confirmed, taking another drag of my cigarette. "Harry and I share a lot of memories too, not just within the band. We were always a bit closer than the rest."

Why was I even telling him this? The plan was to keep a low profile, not go to the first person I could find and tell them about me and Harry. I needed to start keeping my mouth shut.

"So I've heard," he smiled, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Anyway, I was looking for you for a reason. I didn't just come here to pester you with questions about your trip," he chuckled.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Oh, what was the reason then?"

He turned his body to face me, his eyes looking into mine hopefully.

"I wanted to ask you out... on a date."

Chapter Text

"I wanted to ask you out... on a date."

I blinked, my mouth falling open. The cigarette in my hand was long forgotten as I stared at him. "I..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

It wasn't that I was exactly surprised. I had a feeling Logan didn't only have friendly feelings for me, but I wasn't expecting him to ask me out. Not now. It felt like this should have happened a long time ago if so.

He cracked a small smile. "You don't have to answer right now. I understand that you need time to think about it."

Taking the hand I wasn't holding my cigarette with, he gave it a light squeeze before letting go, his lips still curled. When I still couldn't find the ability to talk, he took a step back. "See you later, Lou."

The second he closed the door behind him, I blinked again, trying to get my head around what had just happened. It wasn't until then I realized what he had just said. Time to think about it? I didn't need time. I already knew that I didn't want to go out with him. Fuck.

After putting out my cigarette and tossing it out the window, I ran a hand through my hair in frustration, letting out a deep sigh. What the fuck had I gotten myself into? Why didn't I just tell him that I didn't want to go out with him? Fuck, Harry would be so mad at me when he found out. We had just made up after three years, and this was the first thing I had to get myself dragged into.

Unfortunately, I didn't catch sight of Logan when I exited the room. It was getting late, so he had probably called the day quits, which didn't help my situation at all. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible so that I didn't have to go around thinking about it.

What was even worse was that I caught Harry glancing at me a few times during the rest of the workday, and the concern gracing his features didn't go unnoticed. Sometimes I hated that he could read me so well, although it was just a matter of time until he would find out what had happened anyway.

He didn't have time to ask me about it until we were heading out to our cars, though. Nick and Perrie had already left a few minutes ago, but I stayed behind to talk to my groups a bit longer, and it turned out Harry was waiting for me. We were now walking through the corridors towards the exit side by side, silence surrounding us.

"What happened?" He settled with, turning his face to glance at me, his eyes still filled with concern.

I swallowed, keeping my eyes on the ground. "It's stupid," I sighed, shaking my head. "I don't know how I managed to get into it."

Harry sent me a confused look. "Get into what?"

Biting my lip, I closed my eyes momentarily. "I was just having a smoke in the lounge room, and then Logan joined me..." I trailed off, seeing through the corner of my eye how he visibly tensed at the sound of his name. "He was asking me how I was doing and how the trip to Manchester was, and then he... asked me out."

I could see Harry's jaw clench through the corner of my eye. "And what did you say?"

Shaking my head, I let out a groan. "That's the thing. I was so surprised because I wasn't expecting it to happen now. I thought if he wanted to ask me out, he would have already done so. Therefore, I didn't have time to say no until he had already left." I paused to run my hands over my face. "I know how fucked up this is. It shouldn't even be happening. You and I just made up, and the first thing I do is fuck it up."

To my surprise, Harry relaxed, his jaw unclenching as he let out a sigh. "You haven't fucked anything up, Louis. I mean, of course I would have appreciated it if you had said no already, but I know how surprised I was when Nick tried to kiss me, so I understand. As long as you talk to him next time you get the chance, I don't mind," he said, sending me a sincere smile.

"You don't?" I blinked, turning to meet his gaze.

He reached out to take my hand in his, squeezing it gently. How did it feel so much better when he did it than Logan? The difference was significant. Harry's hand fit like a puzzle piece in mine, as if it was meant to be in his.

"I mean, I'm not surprised he asked you out after the way he's been looking at you, and if this morning never happened, I would probably feel sick with jealousy right now, but I don't because this morning did happen. Besides, you've told me numerous times that you don't have feelings for him, so there's no reason for me to be worried about it, is there?"

I couldn't help the grin that spread on my lips as I shook my head. "No, there isn't. It's only you, remember?"

"Yeah," he confirmed with a smile, dropping my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulders instead. In return, I laced mine around his waist, my hand resting on his hip as we kept walking towards the exit.

"Thank you," I said as we were just about to go outside. "For understanding."

He brought me closer by the arm around my shoulders, my face burrowing into his neck as he wrapped his other arm around me to bring us to a stop. "No need to thank me, Lou," he said, pulling back to look into my eyes. "I'm just glad you told me. And overall, I'm glad things are good between us again."

I reached up to place my hands on either side of his neck, my thumbs pressing against his jawline. "Me too. You make me really happy. You know that?"

A smile crept to his lips, his left dimple on display. "You make me happier."

Rolling my eyes, I let out a chuckle. "Such a sap, aren't you?"

He caught on quickly, his lips curling even more. "Says the one who started the whole thing," he replied, humor glinting in his eyes.

"Please," I scoffed, a smile forming on my lips. "As if I would be sappy. I'm a man with a heart of steel. Love and emotions don't exist in my world."

"Is that so?" He inquired, raising his eyebrows at me in amusement. "How come I witnessed you crying while watching Titanic then? Oh, and should I remind you of that time when you had a nightmare where I died in a car crash, and you woke me up by clutching me so tightly to your chest that I couldn't breathe while crying into my ear?"

His words made my breath hitch, and as a smug smile made its way to his face, I couldn't help but stare at him in astonishment. I was not expecting that. "I'm trying to win an argument I'm destined to lose, aren't I?"

He tilted his head to the side, his eyes twinkling. "Since we both know how big of a loving heart you have, my answer is yes, you are."

Rolling my eyes, I pulled him closer by his neck so that our faces were merely inches apart. "You're still the biggest sap, though," I stated, looking into his eyes.

His lips curled. "If you say so."

I leaned in to press a quick kiss to his lips, seeing his eyes light up as I pulled away. "Will you come to my place on Sunday when we're free from work?" I asked, searching his features.

He pursed his lips, squinting his eyes as if he was thinking about it. "How about you come over to my place instead? There's something I want to show you."

My heart picked up its pace as a knowing smile formed on his lips, and I was suddenly very curious to find out what he was referring to. "What is it?" I asked, even though I was positive he wouldn't tell me.

"You'll see," he smirked.

-----

When I drove to work the next day after a quiet and calm evening with only me and Clifford relaxing in front of the flatscreen, my phone started ringing. The caller ID showed on my car's display, indicating that it was Lottie. I hadn't talked to her in ages, or that's what it felt like at least. It must have been a few weeks, though.

Without hesitating, I clicked the accept button, putting her on speaker. "Good morning, Lots," I greeted, stepping on the brakes to stop at a red light.

"Morning, Lou. How's my older brother doing? I haven't heard from you in a while," she questioned, sounding impressively happy for being so early in the morning.

If I were honest, I barely knew how I was doing, not after what happened with Logan yesterday. Sure, Harry's understanding and how he had managed to get me on better thoughts helped a lot, but it was still nagging me at the back of my mind and had been the entire evening. I needed to fix it as soon as possible.

"I'm doing fine, but... a lot of things have happened lately."

I could hear how her curiosity sparked on the other end. "What things? Is it about Harry?"

My lips twitched at the mention of the curly-haired man. I just couldn't help myself. "He might be part of it, yes," I admitted, biting my lip.

"Oh my God," she breathed. "Are you back together? Please tell me you are. I swear, you're the perfect sample of soulmates. I'd be so happy for you."

A chuckle escaped my lips as I heard her gush about us. "Jesus, Lots. Supportive much?"

"Oh, sod off," she huffed. "But, does that mean you are back together? Or how should I perceive it?"

I rolled my eyes, letting out another chuckle. "We haven't talked about it yet, but I guess we're heading there," I confessed, making her squeal in excitement.

"This is like the best news in ages! I'm so happy for you, Louis. I want to meet him. It's been so long, way too long. I miss his frog face and dorky self," she gushed, her exhilaration radiating through the phone.

I shook my head in amusement. I didn't know what I had expected, but I didn't think she would be this happy about me and Harry getting back together. This was almost too good to be true. "Are you sure you're not the one who's in love with him?" I laughed, turning a corner at the end of the street.

"Oh, please," she emphasized. "Who doesn't have a crush on Harry Styles? But nah, he's all yours, Lou. You two are meant to be."

Her words made another smile form on my lips. "Anyway, how are you doing?"

For the rest of the ride, we talked about how well her new products were going and everything else happening in her life. It turned out she had visited Doncaster a few weeks ago, and they had told her how much they missed me.

"I'll have to go there when I have time," I sighed, running a hand over my face. "It's been a long time since I last visited."

"They know you're busy, Lou. Don't feel guilty about it," she reassured me. It was funny how I still managed to get so surprised that she could read me so well.

"I know. I just... I miss them too," I admitted, biting my lip.

She sighed on the other end. "I know."

I parked my car in the parking lot outside the arena a few minutes later and cut off the engine. "I have to go inside now, Lots. Thank you for calling me. I've missed talking to you," I told her, grabbing my phone from the center console to slide it into the pocket of my blue jeans.

"I've missed talking to you too, Lou, and I'm happy for you and Harry. Promise to invite me over sometime when he's there, yeah?" She replied, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

I chuckled. "I promise. Bye, Lots."

"Bye."

As I made my way into the arena, I thought of why I decided to leave out the part of Logan asking me out to Lottie. But it didn't feel necessary. Not when she was so excited over me and Harry, and when it didn't matter whatsoever. It was honestly so unnecessary, even if it had been bugging me the last fourteen hours.

When I entered the lounge room, I wasn't surprised to see Harry there, splayed out on the couch in his black Columbia sweatshirt and grey joggers. It had become a routine that he came in earlier than the rest of us. What surprised me, though, was that he was reading an actual, physical book. It had been years since I saw him do that.

"Good morning," I greeted with a smile, walking over to sit down on the couch opposite him.

He averted his eyes from the book to glance at me, his lips twitching. "Morning. Everything alright?"

I laid down on the couch so that I was facing the ceiling, folding my hands over my chest. "Yeah, yeah. It's all good. I just want to get this whole Logan thing over with," I grimaced, running a hand through my feathery hair.

I could see him pursing his lips through the corner of my eye. "Understandable. He'll be here today, though, right?"

Shrugging, I let out a sigh. "I hope so," I mumbled.

"Hey," he said, making me turn my face to him. "Don't think about it, Lou. Everything's going to be fine," he reassured me.

I cracked a small smile, nodding. "Yeah, I guess. I just wish I would have told him yesterday so that I didn't have to think about it now."

He flashed me a sympathetic smile. "I get that, but you shouldn't make this into something bigger than it has to be," he implied.

He was right. I didn't know why I couldn't put it aside. In just a couple of hours, this would be over, and I wouldn't have to think about it anymore.

"You're right," I said, glancing at him. He had now pressed the book against his chest, still open so that he knew what page he was on. "What book are you reading?"

He peered down at it, his lips twitching. "It's actually really good. It's set in the 1950's when homosexuality was more unaccepted than it is today. It's about a policeman who falls in love with a man ten years older than him, but he has to stay in the closet in order to retain his job and not get tortured by the citizens. So, he marries a girl and hides the fact that he's actually in a relationship with a man," he explained.

I averted my gaze, furrowing my brows. "Sounds oddly familiar," I said, and even though I wasn't looking at him, I could see his Adam's apple move as he swallowed.

"Yeah... I guess there's a reason I like it so much."

Looking back at him, I saw him gazing down at the book on his chest thoughtfully. There was something about the situation that made me get up from my seat and walk over to the couch he was lying on instead. Without hesitating, I lifted his legs so that I could sit down next to him, then dropped them on my lap. I tilted my head to see a hint of a smile on his lips.

"My Policeman, huh?" I pursed my lips, reaching over to take the book in my hands, examining the cover and backside while being careful not to close it. After reading the plot, I gave it back to him. "Seems interesting. Would you mind if I read it once you're finished?"

The corner of his lips twitched even more. "You, reading a book? Am I dreaming?" He chuckled, his green eyes twinkling from the lights in the room.

I pinched his thigh through the material of his joggers, making his chuckles increase. "Oh, sod off. I've read books before," I huffed.

He tilted his head to the side. "When? You certainly didn't during the five years we were together."

Sending him a glare, I looked down at the book. "Okay, so maybe I haven't read a lot of books the last ten years of my life, but that doesn't mean it can't change," I implied, flicking my gaze back up to face him.

The smile was still prominent on his lips. "Fair enough."

A few seconds later, he placed the book on the coffee table, making sure to bookmark the page he was on so that he could close it. He then turned back to me, a thoughtful look making its way to his features. "Speaking of all this, what happened with Eleanor? How come she's back in the picture?" He asked, furrowing his brows.

Placing my hands on his kneecaps, I let out a sigh. "Simon thought it would be a good idea, you know, to decrease the speculations of me being gay. I argued with him, but not as much as I should have. I wasn't in a relationship anymore, and the thought of dating someone wasn't even thought of, so I didn't really see a reason to disagree. Recently, though, I've realized that I should have made more resistance seeing as he was still closeting me whether I was in a relationship or not, but I think I felt numb? Like, there was no particular reason for me to fight anymore, and I didn't see a reason to come out on my own." I paused, looking down at my fingers that were now fiddling with the material of his joggers.

"But I'm pretty sure it was also the fact that it was Eleanor. I denied it back then, but looking back on it now, it makes sense why I didn't argue more. It's just... publicly dating her brought back so many memories of me and you. She was there when we were together too, and I kind of felt closer to you somehow, even if I knew I was betraying you since we fought to end her contract back then and all. I just... I don't know, but it wasn't a choice if that's what you think. I'd do anything not to be publicly dating her."

He reached down to take one of my hands in his, making me turn my gaze to his face. His lips were pursed, but he didn't look upset. He was still thinking, though. "I can't believe I reacted like that when I found out at the hotel," he grimaced eventually. "I just couldn't handle it, and the way you talked to her..." He trailed off.

I remembered it like yesterday. We had been eating breakfast when Eleanor called to inform me that Clifford was acting weird. She told me she had thought of everything, but then she realized he hadn't done his necessities in a few days, and then I- oh.

"I told her I loved her," I realized, my eyes widening.

He ran the hand that wasn't holding mine over his face. "It's not like I wasn't aware you didn't mean it romantically. I know you're only attracted to men, but it was like you were throwing it in my face, that she was back and you were on good terms," he finished, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip.

"That's why you were so mad," I swallowed, squeezing his warm hand. "You felt betrayed."

He shrugged his shoulders, looking away from me. "Yeah. I just... we fought so hard to end that contract, and knowing you were back with her... It hurt."

Feeling upset for not realizing it sooner, I ran my thumb over his knuckles. "Perrie tried to tell me, but I was so mad at you for implying I was with Eleanor willingly that I wouldn't listen to her. Besides, since I was convinced you hated me, I thought you didn't have a right to care, and it only added to my anger."

He made a face, lacing our fingers together. "I wasn't doing a great job at showing you I still cared, did I?" He chuckled dryly. "You know I don't blame you for it, right? I think both of our goals back then were to ignore each other the best we could, and the fact that our feelings put a stop to it a few times should only be expected."

I pursed my lips, nodding. If I were honest, I couldn't have said it better myself. He was spot on. "I'm not holding any grudges for anything you did then, and I hope you aren't either. I just want to forget that time, if I'm honest," I admitted, tracing my fingers over the anchor tattoo on his wrist with the hand that wasn't laced with his. "We're not meant to argue with each other."

A smile blossomed on his face. "I agree," he said, looking down at my wandering hand. "You're my rope."

My heart fluttered in my chest, butterflies erupting in my stomach. "You're my anchor," I replied, lifting our laced hands to press my lips against his inked wrist.

When I peered back up at him, he was smiling so wide that both his dimples were gracing his face. "I've missed you so much," he said, lifting himself into a sitting position, his legs still sprawled over my own as he took my face in his hands.

He leaned in to press his lips against mine, sliding them gently with my slightly thinner ones. I reciprocated the kiss eagerly, dropping his hands to lace my arms around his frame, my fingers curling into the dark hair at the back of his neck. It felt like silk between my fingers. It was so soft and luscious.

Adding more pressure against him, he bent his legs so that I could settle in between both of his, my body going along as his back hit the cushion of the couch. Our chests were pressed flush together, my hands now resting on his shoulders, and I couldn't help but love the new position, the way the entire length of his body was pressing against mine.

Seeing as we hadn't been this close to each other in years, it surprised me that we weren't hesitating more, but it felt so natural. It was like all these years we had been apart didn't matter, as if they didn't exist because it felt exactly like it did when we were together, so right and so familiar.

As I dipped my tongue past his lips and licked the roof of his mouth, he let out a gasp, tightening his thighs around my body. I reached up to tuck a few curls that had fallen into his eyes behind his ear, ghosting my fingers over his skin as my nose dug into his cheek. Meanwhile, his hands wandered down towards my bum, clutching it as if he owned it, pressing our bodies even closer together.

I was just about to roll my hips against his when the sound of the door opening made us spring apart. It was as if I had received an electric shock, the way I pushed myself off Harry's body to take a seat on the spot at his bent legs, wiping my mouth to get rid of the wetness of our mixed saliva.

"Exactly, and I'm thinking more dancers and more thought into the setting are going to make it even better. I mean, it's the fifth week. We have to step up our game..."

Patrick's voice filled the room as Harry sat up on the couch, fixing his curls after I had messed them up. He also looked down at his crotch quickly, seeing the bulge through the fabric of his joggers, and sent me a glare as if I was to blame for it. And sure, I was, but it wasn't like he was the only one suffering.

We both bent our knees, placing our feet on the couch as Patrick took a seat next to us, ending the call he was on to greet us with a warm smile.

Perrie and Nick joined us only a few minutes later, and I was happy it wasn't too obvious what we had been doing before they arrived since I didn't want to receive another knowing smirk from Perrie.

Once Patrick was finished talking, we all got up to leave, but he held me and Harry back, making nerves erupt in my stomach. Thankfully, both my and Harry's problems were gone by then, so our feet were back on the ground where we were sitting a few inches apart on the couch.

"I just wanted to say that it makes me happy to see that you two are getting along again. When I found out about your past, I was a bit worried I had made a mistake by asking you both to be judges on the show, but now I'm glad I did. You're doing a great job with your acts, and I couldn't have asked for more suitable people for this job," he said, his eyes flicking between me and Harry.

"Thank you," Harry replied, swallowing. "I'm glad you feel that way. I'm nothing but honored to be part of the show."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, thank you, Patrick. That means a lot."

The older man tilted his head to the side, a smile making its way to his lips. "Should I take that as you're both happy you decided to stay then?"

I had honestly forgotten about that. It had been months, even if it felt like ages considering so much had changed since then, but now that he reminded me of it, I couldn't believe I had almost dropped out, and only because Harry was part of the show. What if Simon never got on my nerves when he tried to get me out of it? Would I still have decided to participate?

Harry and I exchanged a look, both knowing that we had been very close to not being here today. "Yeah," we said at the same time. "You should," Harry finished.

"Great," Patrick replied, the smile never leaving his face. He then got up to leave the room, and we followed behind, seeing as we were heading to the stage. But when we closed the door behind us, and Patrick walked away in the opposite direction we were going, Harry closed his fingers around my wrist, holding me back.

I blinked in surprise as his lips connected with my own briefly. "Good luck with Logan," he smiled, brushing his thumb against the back of my hand before walking away, leaving me slightly breathless.

Right. Logan.

-----

It wasn't until a few hours later that I got the chance to talk to him. I had just let my acts go practice on their own when I caught sight of him in the corner of the arena. He was talking to Leah, probably about something work-related, his arms crossed over his chest while leaning against the wall.

I swallowed the rising bile down my throat, gathering all my willpower before making my way over to them. As soon as I was standing a few feet away, I cleared my throat, earning both of their attentions. "Can I talk to you, Logan?" I asked, flicking my gaze between the two of them.

Leah flashed me a small smile, nodding once before walking away, leaving me alone with the older man who was looking at me expectantly. And that was when I realized this was going to be complicated.

"Hey," he greeted, his lips twitching. "Have you made your mind up yet?"

Averting my gaze, I sank my teeth into my bottom lip. "I... yeah," I replied. "Actually, I already knew what my answer was when you asked me. You just took me by surprise."

His eyes widened slightly. "Oh, okay. I have planned this big surprise, so I hope you're going to give me good news," he teased, making me swallow.

Was it really necessary to make me feel so bad about this? The guilt was eating me alive, clawing at the insides of my stomach. I wasn't sure if I could turn him down when he looked so happy. I hated letting people down.

But I had to. I had to do this for myself and Harry, but mostly myself. The anxiety of not letting him down yesterday had already tortured me enough. I couldn't keep doing this, even if it would make him happy.

"I... can't," I said, swallowing. "I'm sorry, Logan, but I can't go out with you."

I could see his face fall right in front of me, the corner of his lips sinking into a frown. "Oh," he mumbled. "I just thought... I mean, I thought we really had something." He knitted his eyebrows, averting his gaze.

Inhaling a large breath, I ran a hand through my hair. "Logan, you're a great guy, but I don't feel that way about you. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea," I apologized, grimacing.

His face fell even more as he looked at me. "I see," he mumbled. "Can I ask if there's... someone else?"

His words took me slightly by surprise. It wasn't that I was afraid he knew about me and Harry. I would like to think we had been quite careful these past two days, apart from our make out session in the corridor yesterday, but I was sure no one had seen us then. Besides, that was before Logan had asked me out. What surprised me was the question itself.

"That's not why I'm saying no," I frowned.

He grimaced a little. "So there is?" He continued, looking even more hurt than before. He was making me feel more guilty than I thought I deserved. As far as I knew, I hadn't even given him any signs implying I was interested. Why would I when there was only one man I had eyes for?

"I haven't said that, but it doesn't really matter, does it? I'm not going out with you no matter what."

He looked away, sinking his teeth into his lip. "You're not denying it, though," he pointed out, his voice so low I could barely hear him.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I shook my head. "Look, I don't know why it matters so much to you, but I apologize for not feeling the same way you do about me. You're a great guy, and I hope you'll find that someone one day."

With that said, I flashed him a faint smile before walking away because I was sure I would say or do something I regretted if I stayed longer.

I walked out of the arena, making my way through the corridor until I found the backdoor. I then fished my cigarette pack from the back pocket of my jeans and placed a stick between my lips before lighting it.

I needed to calm myself down before I got too worked up about the situation.

Chapter Text

When I told Harry about my encounter with Logan, I skipped the part where I thought he was being pushy. It wasn't that I wanted to hide it from him, but it felt like I had been overreacting. It was probably only his way of reacting to being turned down, although it left me a bit uneasy.

The next few days went by in a haze. It was pretty clear everyone felt a bit stressed about Patrick's new expectations of us. Not in the way that people were running around in stress, but the atmosphere was more tense. People could snap at each other without any good reason, and this didn't just involve us judges but the entire crew since they had to work on the settings on stage and everything behind it.

This also meant Harry and I had less time to spend together. We got off work at five or six in the evening, and after that, we were too tired to even think about doing anything. The only time we spent together only the two of us was the hour before everyone else arrived at work in the morning. That was it.

But I wasn't complaining. Those mornings we spent in the lounge room were fantastic. We usually cuddled on one couch, my arms wrapped around him while he rested his head on my chest. Sometimes we talked, sometimes he read his book while I was on the phone or watched him while he was reading. I secretly found it a lot more interesting to watch him than being on my phone, though, especially since I could tell what was happening in his book only by reading his facial expressions.

The good thing about us not being able to spend much time together was that no one seemed suspicious about what was going on between us. We barely even received any glances from Perrie because we weren't seen together. The downside was that I missed him. It was almost frustrating seeing him talk to his acts on stage, knowing I couldn't do anything but just watch him at a distance.

Sometimes I found myself wondering how I had managed to do it for years when we were in the band. But I guess things were different now, seeing as we had been apart for three years, so it was almost as if we had fallen in love with each other all over again.

Someone who wouldn't stop sending me glances, on the other hand, was Nick. Although I wasn't sure if they should be called glances, seeing as they were a lot more intense and uncomfortable than ordinary ones. I had a feeling of what they were about, though, since the only real reason he disliked me was because of Harry. It wasn't hard to tell, but at the same time, Harry and I hadn't precisely flaunted what was going on between us - we barely had time to look at each other, so it still surprised me that he seemed upset.

Another thing that surprised me was that I had seen Leah talk to Harry a few times the last few days. Ever since Harry turned her down, they hadn't exchanged many words with each other apart from that time in the arena when they had both looked at me. This was even if Harry said it seemed like she would rather be his friend than nothing at all. I found it a bit strange, but I decided not to put too much thought into it. I knew Harry wasn't interested in her anyway.

Logan, on the other hand, had barely looked at me since I told him I couldn't go out with him. I was pretty sure he was ignoring me, which didn't surprise me. I wasn't expecting anything else, and if I were honest, I didn't mind it.

It was now Sunday, the day after the fifth live show. A man in the overs category had to leave, which Nick wasn't happy about since he only had one act left in the competition now. But as mentioned before, we were getting closer to the end, and we had all already lost one of our acts, so things were only going to continue this way no matter how sad it was.

After taking care of Clifford and dropping him off at Lottie's place, I drove to Harry's house. It still felt weird saying it was only his after we had lived there for so long together. If I were honest, I wasn't sure if I would ever get used to it.

I was excited, though. Even if we had seen each other every day this week, it wasn't the same as spending time together like this. This was so much more, so much better. Besides, he had said that he wanted to show me something, and I had gone the entire week wondering what it could be, so I couldn't wait to finally find out.

As I drove into the street and stopped outside his gate, I could feel another wave of déjà vu wash over me. It hadn't been long since I was here last time, and that was when I found out a lot of things had changed since I lived here. It was also when Harry had told me he never cheated on me.

The thought was almost unsettling since I didn't feel completely alright when I left the place that night, but I knew things would be better today. There was no other way around it when things between us were so good now.

Once I had entered the code, 0828, I parked the car behind his black Range Rover before getting out. Walking up to the porch, I decided not to knock when I opened the door and stepped inside. The first thing I acknowledged was the sound of the TV in the living room, which gave me the indication that Harry was there.

Before leaving the hallway, I glanced at the chair I remembered placing my sweatshirt on last time I was here, making a smile form on my lips. It was the sweatshirt I had worn when he came into my hotel room and kissed me a week ago.

When I entered the living room, the first thing I saw was Harry lying on the couch, his limbs splayed out all over the place with a blanket draped over his body. His nose was scrunched up cutely, and his eyes were closed as soft snores escaped his lips. The smile on my face widened at the sight. He was so beautiful.

Walking over, I sat down on the edge of the couch, peering down at his sleeping figure. He was completely relaxed, his skin looking smooth as silk in the sunlight seeping through the windows. I couldn't help but reach out and run my fingers along his cheekbone, his stubble scratching the pads of my fingertips gently.

His eyelashes fluttered, his green eyes coming into view only a few seconds later. "Good morning," I teased, knowing it was way past morning, especially for him. He must have fallen asleep while watching TV.

His lips stretched into a smile as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Good morning."

I quickly looked over my shoulder towards the hallway before turning back to him. "You should lock the door if you plan on falling asleep in the middle of the day, you know?" I said, raising my eyebrows at him.

He let out a chuckle. "You're the only one apart from mum and Gemma who knows the code to my security system, so I don't think that's a problem," he stated, looking into my eyes.

My fingers wandered to his forehead, running over the skin where wrinkles would appear if he arched his brows. "Oh, yeah? What about burglars? I'm pretty sure a code is no match for them."

He rolled his eyes. "If they're smart enough to get through my security system, I don't think a locked door is going to stop them," he pointed out, making me purse my lips.

He was right. Fuck.

When I didn't say anything, Harry's lips twitched into an amused smile. "You just can't admit defeat, can you?" He laughed, reaching up to pinch my cheek.

I batted his hand away, sending him a look. "Shut up."

He threw his head back in laughter, making it impossible for me to stay grumpy. He was just too cute. Leaning in so that I was hovering over his face, our noses almost touching, I looked into his green eyes. "So you wanted to show me something?"

His hands settled on my hips as he tilted his head to the side, the amused smile remaining on his lips. "Dodging the subject, are we?" He teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

Letting out an exasperated groan, I burrowed my face in his neck. "If you don't shut your mouth, I'll strangle you," I muttered against his skin.

"Kinky."

I pulled back to see a smirk playing on his lips. Scrunching my nose, I shook my head. "Fuck no."

This made him let out another bark of laughter, both of his dimples popping. "I'm just kidding," he chuckled. "I'll show you what I was planning as soon as you get off me, I promise."

I gave him a look of suspicion but heaved myself up so that I was sitting next to him again. He propped himself up on his elbows, his unruly curls sticking out in different directions. "Actually, we don't have to go very far because most of them are in this room," he said, looking over my shoulder.

Following his gaze in confusion, my eyes landed on the white walls. Last time I was here, they had been completely blank, ridden of all the pictures they had been adorned with when I still lived here, but they weren't now. All pictures were back up.

My eyes widened at the sight, and I quickly got up from the couch to walk over to the closest one. I couldn't believe I had missed them when I first entered the room. I must have been too busy looking at the sleeping angel on the couch. But there they were, the pictures I had thought were gone forever.

The first two my eyes settled on were of us back in 2011. We had talked our management into letting us do a photoshoot together, and after many ifs and buts, they had finally let us do it. It was amazing to see how happy we were back then, how we lived the best time of our lives with nothing weighing us down. The thought brought a smile to my face.

The next one was taken at the beach where we filmed the music video of 'What Makes You Beautiful'. I could still remember the day so clearly, how much fun we had and how I realized I was falling deeper and deeper in love with him. It was filmed only a few weeks before Harry and I went to the Leeds festival and confessed our feelings for each other, and thinking back to it now, I was pretty sure it could be seen through the screen since we were both radiating so much love and happiness.

"What do you think?"

I could feel the warmth of his body against my back as he wrapped his arms around my frame, leaning his chin on my shoulder. The smile widened on my lips as I rested my head against his. "It's amazing. I love it."

"Yeah?"

Nodding, I tilted my head to see that his lips were curled as well while looking at the pictures. "Yeah," I confirmed, making him meet my gaze.

His eyes searched my face, his smile widening even more when he realized I was telling the truth. "This is one of my favorites," he said, pointing at a picture where he had his arms wrapped around my neck, kissing my cheek while I was smiling dramatically.

"As it should be," I agreed, eyeing the rest of them. "I almost forgot these pictures existed." I reached out to run my fingers along the frame of the photo we had just been talking about. "I haven't seen them in so long."

Harry tightened his arms around me, giving the side of my neck a light kiss, letting his lips linger for a few seconds. I turned in his hold so that I was facing him and wrapped my arms around his waist, while he moved his upward to lace them around my neck, his fingers tracing the skin there gently.

My blue eyes met his green ones, and I couldn't help but let my lips curl again, especially when he reflected it with a smile of his own. "I'm glad you put them back up," I said, moving my fingers into a pattern over the fabric of his white tank top. "Thank you for showing them to me."

He leaned in to brush his nose against mine, his lips ghosting over my own. "My pleasure," he mumbled, pressing a light kiss to my mouth before leaning back to look at my face. "I've missed them too. It wasn't the same without them."

I had to agree with him. Last time I was here, it had barely felt like the same house I had once lived in, and the pictures played a big part in that. "Yeah," I breathed, glancing at the wall of pictures through the corner of my eye.

"I want to ask you about something," I confessed, looking back into his eyes.

He blinked, and I took that as a sign to keep going. "How come you decided to keep the house?" 

I had wanted to know this ever since I found out he still lived here. It didn't make sense to me. Why stay at a house you had shared with someone you didn't want to be reminded of when you could afford any house you wanted?

His brows pulled together as if he was thinking about what to say. "I..." He trailed off, averting his gaze while inhaling a deep breath. "I'm going to be honest with you," he continued, biting the inside of his cheek. "As you know by now, I was quite heartbroken when we broke up. I didn't do much more than stay in bed when we had nothing to attend with the band. I was... hoping you would come back, and I figured if I left the house, you wouldn't know where to find me." He paused to take a deep breath.

"But even later, when I tried to tell myself I was better off without you, I still felt as though I couldn't sell it. I don't really know what it was, but I couldn't let anyone else live in the house we had shared so many memories. It was ours, you know? And I loved this place, so in the end, I decided to keep it. I just made a few changes," he finished, averting his gaze to look at the pictures on the walls.

Out of everything he had just told me, I could only focus on one thing. "You were waiting for me to come back?" I echoed, trying to get my head around this information. I was sure he had mentioned it briefly before, but it hit differently now that things were good between us.

He fiddled with the collar of my sweatshirt at the back of my neck as he nodded slowly. "Yeah, I was, for a couple of months. Since you've listened to some of my songs, you might already know that one of them is about how I felt at the time," he grimaced, looking down at my chest to avoid eye contact.

My throat clogged as I looked at him. After all this time, how come I didn't know he had written a song about how he felt when we broke up? Not even now that I thought I had listened to all the songs on his album that were about me. "No... I didn't know that," I admitted, looking at him through my lashes. "But I want to hear it, and all your other songs."

A faint smile formed on his lips as he looked up to meet my gaze. "I want to hear yours too. Are they ready to be recorded in the studio yet?"

I furrowed my brows in confusion. "Are they- What? How do you...?"

He tilted his head to the side, a knowing smile making its way to his features. "You've been going around humming on songs I'm pretty sure don't already exist. I haven't been able to make out much of them, though," he explained, playing with a few strands at the back of my neck.

I didn't know I had done that. Besides, I wasn't sure if any of them were of the quality to record. There was still a lot of work to do with them, they needed polishing before recording could even be thought of. And even then, I wasn't sure if the majority of them would measure up.

"Oh," I said. "I didn't know that. They're not very good, th-"

"What are they about?" He interrupted, searching my features curiously.

I wanted to roll my eyes but decided against it. "Don't be so conceited," I accused him, making his lips twitch.

"I'm not," he promised. "I just genuinely want to know."

This time, I did roll my eyes as I gripped his hips. "As if you genuinely don't already know," I emphasized, shaking my head with a smile on my lips.

He let out a chuckle, looking me in the eyes. "So they're about me then?" He assumed, raising his eyebrows questioningly yet knowingly.

"Oh, shut up," I huffed, hiding my face in his shoulder. "As if you haven't written any songs about me."

When I retreated, I could see the amused grin on his lips. "I never said I haven't."

I shook my head, letting out a groan. "You're such an arse."

He leaned in to my ear, his lips brushing against my skin as he hugged me closer to his body. "I can live with that," he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. Idiot.

"I bet you can," I scoffed, trailing my hand down to his bum to give it a pinch in emphasis.

His eyes widened at the touch, making a smile form on my lips. Apparently, he wasn't expecting me to do that. "Don't look so surprised, love," I grinned, reaching up to run my thumb along his cheekbone. "It doesn't suit you."

He opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. His eyes scanned my features, his face completely blank. I didn't know if anything I had said was wrong, but it was obvious there was a change of atmosphere. I started contemplating whether to say something myself since he wasn't showing any sign of doing so, but tight then, he parted his lips.

"Can you say that again?"

I furrowed my brows in confusion. "What? I didn't-"

He took a step closer, pressing our chests together so that our lips were mere inches apart. "Just repeat what you just said," he implied, his gaze still intense as he stared into my eyes.

Swallowing, I tried not to get too affected by his proximity. "Don't look so surprised..." I started but stopped as a light bulb suddenly went off in my head. "Love," I finished in a breath.

His lips curled into a beautiful smile so wide that his dimples popped. "I've missed you calling me that."

My chest spread with warmth, my heart beating quickly in my chest as I leaned in to brush my lips against his. I wanted to tell him how much I had missed just being around him, but I decided to show my thoughts through my actions by closing the distance between us, nudging our lips together in a kiss. His reaction was immediate. He reciprocated the kiss by moving his lips against my own feverishly, his hands gripping the back of my neck.

I took a step closer and sucked his bottom lip into my mouth, loving the way our bodies felt pressed together. He inhaled a sharp breath, tightening his hold on my neck as one of his hands trailed up into my hair. In return, my hands found their way under his tank top, roaming the skin at the back of his waist.

Something about kissing Harry made me want to do it for the rest of my life. I never wanted to stop. It was addictive, the way his plump lips felt and moved against my own. He was addictive.

And as I backed him up against the wall to make the space between us disappear even further, I could only feel myself wanting more.

I almost wished my eyes weren't half-open because then I wouldn't have caught sight of the picture frame on the side table next to us. The sight made my body go completely lax, my arms dropping from around Harry's body.

He instantly noticed that something was going on, so he followed my gaze, his eyes falling on the picture I was staring at with parted lips. The way his face relaxed, only to turn into a look of bittersweet sadness made me understand that he knew what was going on inside my head and what thoughts had erupted when my eyes landed on the picture.

I had never appreciated it as much as I did now, and yet it had always been one of my favorites, seeing as it was the first picture Harry and I had taken with our mums. It was the first time they had met, during the fifth week of The X Factor when all the parents came to visit. Harry and I weren't even together at the time, but we were already so close that we knew having a picture with our mums would always be memorable for us. And it was now, more so than I could have imagined.

Feeling tears well up in my eyes, I took the frame in my hand to get a closer look at it. I could feel Harry taking a step closer to wrap his arm around my shoulders. "I'm sorry, Lou. I shouldn't have-"

I shook my head quickly. "No, don't apologize," I frowned. "It makes me happy to see it. I just wish she was here, you know, to witness what's happening between us. She didn't... she'll never know that we made up after everything that happened between us, and..." I trailed off as her words played inside my head.

"Life is too short, Louis. Do what your heart desires, and don't let anyone ruin it for you because you'll regret it one day."

"She told me to follow my heart and not let anyone ruin it for me," I grimaced. "I hope she knows that I'm happy."

When I looked up at Harry, I noticed that his eyes were shining with unshed tears as well, his gaze still fixated on the picture in my hand. But the second my eyes found his, he turned to meet my gaze instead, and he didn't hesitate to wrap me into a tight hug. "I'm sure she couldn't be more proud of you, Lou. She always was. You were her little baby."

A sad smile formed on my lips as I laced my arms around his frame, the picture pressed against his back. A few tears rolled down my cheek as I burrowed my face into his shoulder. If he only knew how much it meant to hear him say those words. "Thank you," I mumbled against his skin. "You make things a lot easier."

He let out a soft sigh, pressing his cheek against the side of my head. "I know I've said it before, but I wish I were there when she passed away. She was like a second mother to me, and knowing I never got to say goodbye to her kills me. She was such a lovely woman."

"Just as much as it kills me that I never got to say goodbye to Robin," I said, tilting my head to the side to let my lips linger against his neck. "But yeah, she was. I see her in Lottie so much."

"Yeah?" He breathed, running his fingers along my shoulder blades.

"Yeah, she was so happy when I told her that we had made up, and I just know mum would have reacted the same way," I smiled faintly, blinking a few times. "She told me she wants to meet you, by the way. I think she's been wanting to for a while now."

He chuckled against my hair, pressing a kiss to it. "I'd love to. I've missed her and the rest of your family."

I lifted my face from his neck to look him in the eyes, a small smile forming on my lips. "They'll be delighted to hear that."

He returned the smile whole-heartedly, the crinkles by his eyes showing. His eyes flicked down to my lips for a few seconds, then moved back up to my eyes as if asking for permission. I wanted to roll my eyes at the fact because he should know by now that he could kiss me whenever he wanted to. I had even told him so. But this was Harry Styles we were talking about; he was too much of a gentleman for his own good.

So instead of waiting for him to make a move, I leaned in to close the gap between us, pressing my lips against his with as much passion and love I could put into it. He reciprocated the kiss with just as much emotion, his lips sliding against my own as he tightened his arms around my shoulders.

I blindly placed the picture back on the side table before walking backward until the back of my knees hit the piano stool. Sitting down, Harry easily put his legs on either side of my waist, straddling my body while continuing to kiss me with the same intensity. Seeing as he now had an advantage considering the positions, he benefited from it by trailing his hands up to grip the side of my neck while dipping his tongue inside my mouth.

I could feel goosebumps appear on my skin as his tongue met mine, sliding against it. Squeezing my eyes closed, I reached underneath the material of his tank top to grip his hips, making sure he stayed in the position he was in.

"So handsome," he mumbled in between kisses, trailing his lips down to my neck. "Don't understand how I managed to stay away from you."

Tilting my head back to give him access, I breathed heavily through my nose, my heart racing in my chest at his words and actions. If I were honest, I didn't understand how I had been able to keep my hands off him for so long either. All my instincts were screaming at me to touch him, pull him closer and not let him go ever again.

After leaving a trail of kisses, nips and licks to my neck, he moved back up to my welcoming mouth, sliding his lips with mine while bucking his hips forward. I inhaled a large breath at the contact, relocating my hands from his hips to the back of his thighs, squeezing gently. This made him roll his hips with mine again, making it obvious we were both getting excited by the situation.

"Upstairs?" I breathed against his mouth.

"Upstairs," he confirmed, his hand tangling in the mess of my feathery hair.

Without hesitating, I gripped his thighs tighter before getting up from the piano stool. He let out a surprised noise against my lips as I carried him across the room without any problem. "How are you still able to do this?" He asked, looking into my eyes curiously.

A bright smile formed on my lips, my legs taking us further towards the stairs. "You might be tall as a tree, but you're not much heavier. Or, I've just gotten stronger," I shrugged, making him roll his eyes.

"I'm pretty sure it's the prior," he teased, clutching my bicep gently. "These look weaker if anything."

Letting out a huff, I took the first step of the stairs. "If you don't want to fall down the staircase, I suggest you shut your mouth right now," I threatened him, making him chuckle.

"Will I fall if I kiss you?" He questioned, nudging my nose with his.

"Hopefully not," I grinned, tilting my face up to meet his lips.

The kiss started sweet and sincere but grew more and more profound and desperate the closer we got to our once shared bedroom, teeth clashing and tongues sliding together. When I kicked the door open, Harry's tank top was halfway off his torso while my sweatshirt had been discarded somewhere on our way to the room. One of his hands was still tangled in my hair while the other was roaming the bare skin of my back, making goosebumps appear on my entire body.

Localizing the bed wasn't difficult since it was on the same spot it had always been, so I walked over to lay him down on the mattress before climbing on top of him and in between his parted legs. I didn't waste a second to finally pull the tank top over his head, leaving us both with naked upper bodies.

My eyes wandered down to his chest, taking in his prominent muscles and tattoos. The swallows were there, adorning his collarbones beautifully, the way they always had. I leaned in to press my lips against the spot between them before trailing down to his butterfly.

Harry inhaled a deep breath as I moved even further down, making his stomach muscles contract against my lips. He tightened his grip on my hair, arching his back slightly off the mattress. "Lou," he breathed as I dipped my tongue into his navel.

I peered up at him, seeing him squeezing his eyes shut while his head was thrown back against the pillow. "You're so beautiful, love," I whispered, moving back up to press a kiss to his slightly parted lips. "Want to kiss every part of you."

He shuddered as my hand trailed down his side to the hem of his joggers. He gave me a nod in affirmation when I hesitated for a second, confirming that he wanted this as much as I did. So I tugged his joggers down all the way to his ankles, then he kicked them off the rest of the way himself, leaving him in only his boxers. I could feel his hardness against my thigh as I dropped my body on top of his again, knowing I was just as hard as him underneath my layers of clothing.

"Take 'em off," he huffed, tugging on the hem of my track pants.

"Eager, are we?" I teased, arching my eyebrows at him.

He rolled his eyes, managing to pull the pants halfway down my bum. "Shut up, Lou."

Chuckling, I lifted my hips so that he could pull them off all the way, leaving us both in only our boxers. I rocked my hips to meet his, gasps escaping both our lips as our cocks made contact. "Fuck," I breathed, burrowing my face in the crook of his neck, my lips pressing against his skin.

He wrapped his arms around my body, pulling me tighter against his frame as he bent his knees, his ankles curling around the bottom of my spine. "Lou, I want you. Fuck, I want you so much," he breathed out against my shoulder as I bucked my hips to make our clothed hard-ons meet again.

The sound of his voice along with the excitement that was building up inside me made me spring into action. I got rid of both our underwear quickly, not knowing how I managed to pull them off so fast when we were in the position we were. I then reached down to curl my hand around his cock, sliding up and down slowly, almost teasingly.

He squeezed his eyes shut, a gasp escaping his lips as my thumb circled his head. "Is the stuff still in the drawer?" I asked, planting my lips on his sternum.

"Yeah," he breathed, reaching out towards the drawer blindly, making my lips curl against his skin.

"I'll help you, love," I smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek before opening the drawer to pull out the lube and a condom.

I didn't waste many seconds to open the lube and spread some on my fingers before reaching down to Harry's entrance. "You sure?" I asked him gently, looking into his eyes while hovering the pad of my index over his rim.

He let out a grunt. "Don't give me that crap, Lou. It's not like this is the first time we're doing this. Besides, you're the only one I want to do it with. It always has, and it always will be."

His words made my heart race in my chest, and I couldn't help but let my lips curl into a wide smile. I was so in love with this man. No one had ever gotten close to making me feel the way he did. It was impossible to put into words just how much he meant to me.

"I feel the same way," I smiled, leaning in to press my lips against his. "You're the only one for me too."

He deepened the kiss by wrapping his arms around my shoulders, and I took that as a sign to push my finger past his rim, entering his hole gently. He let out a hiss as he clenched around my digit, his fingers digging into the skin of my shoulders. It wasn't hard to tell he hadn't done this in a while, considering how sensitive and tight he was, so I gently slid my finger further inside him, making sure to be careful.

"Another one," he pleaded only a few seconds later. "Add another one."

I obliged his order, knowing he wouldn't tell me to do it if he wasn't ready. Once both my index and middle finger were knuckles-deep inside him, I started scissoring him to open him up further. He let out small whimpers as I kept going deeper, making him arch his back up to meet my movements.

"I'm ready, Lou. Please."

Looking into his eyes to make sure he was telling the truth, I pulled my fingers out gently. He whined at the loss but collected himself quickly, probably because he knew it wasn't going to last for long.

When I reached for the condom and started tearing it open, he closed his hand around mine. I met his eyes questioningly, only to be met with a smile. "Let me do it?"

I swallowed while nodding, letting him take the foiler from my hand. After opening it, he reached down to curl his hand around the base of my cock before rolling the condom on. I closed my eyes at the amazing feeling of his hand wrapped around me, pressing the palms of my hands on his shoulders to keep myself from falling on top of him.

He gave my cock a few tugs before letting go, his arms going around my body again. "Your hands are so fucking amazing," I told him, pressing a kiss against the crook of his neck before spreading more lube on my fingers. "Always have been."

I could feel him smile against my shoulder as I leaned down to coat my dick in lube before myself up at his hole. "You ready?"

He nodded. "Yeah," he breathed. "Just get inside me."

I didn't need to be told twice. I pushed past his rim, sinking into his heat slowly so that I wouldn't hurt him. Halfway inside him, I stopped to make sure he was alright, and judging from the way his face was scrunched up, I figured he was in pain, so I stopped to let him adjust, pressing my lips against one of his collarbones. "You okay, love?"

"Yeah... It's just been a while," he grimaced, opening his eyes to meet my blue ones. "You can keep going, though."

Connecting our lips to hopefully take his mind off the pain at least a little, I continued sliding further inside him until I bottomed out. I then let him adjust to the stretch again, gently moving my lips with his. It felt amazing to be inside him, and I loved the way his hands were clawing at my back, his thighs pressing against my hips and the heels of his feet digging into the bottom of my spine. I wanted this moment to last forever.

"Please move, Lou," he breathed against my lips before moving back in to continue kissing me.

I knew everything was going to feel even better once I did, so I pulled out almost all the way before sinking back inside, sliding against his tight walls. He let out a hum against my lips, tightening his grip on my back. "Mm, feels so good."

I built up a pace, going slow in the beginning to make sure it was still comfortable for him. That was until he ordered me to go faster, one of his hands tangling in my hair as the other one kept roaming my back, his fingers digging into my skin as I went even deeper inside him. I rolled my hips against his, the sound of skin slapping filling the room as I continued thrusting in and out of him.

My hands found the mess of his curly hair as our kisses turned into more teeth-clashing than anything else, our breaths mixing in the process. When I found his prostate, his nails dug into my skin as he arched his back to meet my thrusts. "Oh, fuck," he breathed out. "Shit."

Aiming at the same spot again, Harry became a writhing mess underneath me, his hand finding one of my ass cheeks to squeeze it into his palm, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. As I continued hitting his prostate with every thrust of my hips, hearing the sounds Harry was making because of it, I could feel myself getting closer to the edge, and I was pretty sure he was getting there too.

Feeling determined to get us both there, I picked up my pace even more, absolutely loving the way he made me feel when I slid in and out of him. He arched his back to meet one last deep thrust of mine before spurting his liquids between our bodies, letting out a loud gasp in the process.

The feeling of his muscles clenching around my cock drove me over the edge, and I came into the condom only a second later, collapsing on top of his body. I burrowed my face in his neck, trying to catch my breath as I came down from my high. I could feel Harry doing the same as he hugged me close to his body while breathing into my shoulder.

Once we both had caught our breaths, I pulled out of him and got rid of the condom before rolling over to lie on my back beside him. He instantly turned on his side to wrap his arm around my chest, pressing his lips against the tip of my shoulder while peering up at me. "That was amazing."

I tilted my face to meet his gaze, a smile forming on my lips. "I couldn't agree more, love," I said, placing my left hand on his hip, letting my fingers trace the skin there.

"So," he started, reaching up to run his finger along my cheekbone, stopping at my earlobe. "Does this mean I can call you my boyfriend again?"

I could feel my whole face light up at his words, my eyes shining with joy. "I'd like that very much," I grinned, feeling so happy that my heart was almost bursting in my chest. After being so sure I would never get another chance to be with him, it meant so much that he was the one asking me to be his boyfriend again. It was an even better confirmation than the fact that we had just had sex.

With a bright smile, he propped himself up on his elbow so that he could lean in and press his lips against mine in a sweet and loving kiss, and I loved every second of it.

Chapter Text

Somehow, Harry and I managed to sleep through the rest of the day and didn't wake up until four in the morning. It wasn't very suitable as it was pitch black outside, but it didn't matter since we slept for twelve hours.

I felt alert as I fluttered my eyes open, seeing Harry's curls sprawled on my chest with his head on my shoulder. His arm was draped over my naked stomach while mine was wrapped around his back, absentmindedly drawing patterns into his skin.

He stirred only a few seconds later, his eyelashes fluttering as he blinked his eyes open. A small smile formed on his lips when he made eye contact with me. "Morning," he mumbled, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck.

Feeling the hairs on my body rise, I pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Morning, love."

He let out a content sigh, tightening his arm around my torso. "What time is it?" He asked, his fingers dancing along my ribcage.

"It's the middle of the night," I said. "Four in the morning, to be specific. We slept for twelve hours."

"Jesus Christ," he groaned, burrowing his face deeper into my neck. "I don't even remember the last time I slept this long. You're such a bad influence on me."

"Oh, please. It's not my fault you got tired by having sex."

He looked up at me, his green eyes meeting mine in the dark room. "Isn't it, though?" He implied, raising his eyebrows with a hint of a smile on his lips.

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head. "I'm taking that as a compliment."

"Mhm?" He hummed, getting closer to my face so that our lips were mere inches apart. "You should," he confirmed, leaning down to press a lingering kiss to my lips.

My hand went to grip the back of his neck as I moved my mouth tenderly with his. We pulled away only a few seconds later, gazing into each other's eyes with slight smiles on our lips. "Remember when we were on tour, and I asked you where you see yourself in five years?" I questioned, tilting my head to the side.

He was propped up with an arm on my chest now, his face hovering over mine. "Of course."

"What was your reply?" I continued, looking at him expectantly as I tucked a stray curl behind his ear.

A glint appeared in his eyes. "I see you," he quoted his 20-year-old self. "And me. We're leaving every car, every building together, holding hands because we can, because there's nothing holding us back anymore."

I nodded, pursing my lips. "It's next year."

"Yeah," he breathed, averting his gaze for a few seconds. "Maybe we won't be able to do all those things then, but I still want you to be there. And I would still like to see us sitting in a park, watching our grandchildren play around when we're grey and old."

The smile returned to my lips, my hand tangling in his curls at the back of his neck. "You're definitely a sap," I told him teasingly. "But in this case, I would love for you to be right."

A light chuckle escaped his mouth as he leaned in to press a kiss to my neck, leaving a few more before pulling back to look at my face again. His hand traveled down my side, towards the curve of my bum, making my eyes widen. His smile only grew as he leaned in to press his nose against my cheek, ghosting his lips over mine.

He kissed me once, twice, three times before moving to my jaw, down to my neck. I tilted my head to the side, letting him suck and lick my skin while caressing the small of my back. He was about to hook his leg over my middle when I reached out to place my hand on his knee, remembering what we had done yesterday afternoon. "Babe, you've got dried cum all over your stomach."

His lips disconnected from my neck as he looked down at the damage on his torso. When he looked back up at me, he was pouting adorably, making me let out a chuckle. "Come on," I said, cupping his cheek. "Let's go take a shower."

His lips stayed in a pout when I dropped my hand. "Will you carry me there? I'm sore."

I tilted my head to the side. "And that's my fault too, I suppose?" I inquired, raising an amused eyebrow.

He shrugged simply. "I don't know anyone else who can be responsible for it."

The way he said it made my heart flip in my chest, and I couldn't help but grin at him. "I wouldn't hope so," I said, running my hands down his bare back.

Once Harry got off my chest, I hoisted myself up from the bed and turned around to watch him push himself towards the edge. My lips twitched as my eyes found the red marks on his ribcage and hips and the tousled curls on top of his head. He was a mess, but he was an adorable mess, and knowing I was the one who had caused it made me feel proud and honored.

When I turned my back to him, he got up to his feet and threw his arms around my neck while locking his legs around my waist. "Don't press your stomach against my back, or else I'm dropping you," I warned him as I started walking to the bathroom with my hands under his thighs.

"Mhm," he hummed into my neck, arching his back to avoid his frame from touching me. It was cute that he put effort into it even though we were both going to shower within a matter of seconds. I had only said it as a joke, but he apparently took it seriously.

As I walked through the hallway, I was yet again thankful that I knew where every room in this house was located since Harry was hiding in my neck, completely oblivious to our surroundings. I passed the staircase to get to the white door, then struggled to open it while trying to keep Harry on my back.

Once inside, I gently dropped him on the floor, letting him slide off my back while I opened the shower doors. "Come on, love," I told him, gracing my hand over his elbow before entering the space.

He quickly followed, closing the doors behind us before turning around to meet my gaze. "Hey," he beamed, making me smile brightly.

"Hi."

I turned on the water, letting it soak every inch of our bodies. Harry took this as an opportunity to examine every feature of mine, his eyes glinting in the dim lights of the room as he pushed my hair back. His other hand went to grip the side of my neck, his thumb running along my chin, up to the corner of my lips.

"How did I get this lucky?"

My breath hitched when he leaned in to press his lips to the space between my eyebrows, lingering for a few seconds before pulling away to look into my eyes. I wrapped my arms around his waist, gripping his hips while leaving a kiss on his shoulder.

"I'm asking myself the same thing."

We took turns shampooing each other's hair. It took longer for me, as I insisted his curls needed extra attention and he had longer locks, but he didn't mind it.

We then cleaned our bodies, helped each other out with our backs before turning around to face each other again. As we let the water wash off all the soap, he traced his finger along the
'It is what it is' tattoo on my chest.

"Do you have any plans on getting more tattoos?" He questioned curiously, his finger tracing the 'w'.

I pursed my lips while shrugging my shoulders. "I don't know," I admitted. "Maybe I'm finally getting the number 28."

His lips twitched, and I could tell he got images of that evening seven years ago as well. "It's one of my favorite memories," he confessed. "Although I was extremely nervous. I thought you were going to reject me." His hand moved to wrap around the side of my neck again, his thumb running over my cheekbone.

"You can't possibly mean that," I said, shaking my head gently. "You must have known how much I liked you. I was literally all over you back then."

"I was still nervous," he implied. "I didn't want to ruin what we had, but I wanted to be so much more than a friend to you at the same time."

I couldn't help but smile. I knew exactly what he meant because I had felt the same way, but instead of making a move on him, I tried showing him how much I liked him through my actions, hoping he would eventually get the message. And he did, when we were at the Leeds festival on the 28th of August 2011 and he kissed me for the first time.

"Where do you want it?" He questioned, his eyes searching my features.

That was something I had been thinking about back when we were together, and I always knew where I wanted it, so I didn't hesitate to lift my left hand. "Here," I said, pointing at my ring and middle finger. "If it turns out I will never get to wear a ring in public, you'll always be there no matter what."

I could see him swallow, his Adam's apple moving up and down as he watched me with wide, round eyes. It made me wonder how he would react if I told him what I had been planning to do that afternoon when everything took a turn in the opposite direction. I didn't know if he would ever be prepared to hear that.

"But we just got back together, so I'll probably wait a while," I added, taking his hand that wasn't holding my face in mine to give it a light squeeze.

He collected himself then, blinking a few times as a slight grin made its way to his lips. "I love the idea."

"Yeah?" I breathed.

"Yeah," he confirmed, moving his hand to my shoulder blades to pull me into a hug. "Very much."

I burrowed my face in his neck, feeling my heart flutter in my chest at the thought of getting yet another tattoo for this man. It had been a while. And for a long time, I had thought there wouldn't be more, but now I wasn't so sure anymore.

"How about you?" I wondered. "Are you planning any new ones?"

He pulled away to shrug his shoulders. "I don't know, we'll see," he smiled knowingly, making me chuckle.

"I guess we will."

We stayed in the shower for a few more minutes until the water started running cold. We then wrapped ourselves in towels, Harry getting an extra one for his hair before we walked back to the bedroom.

I noticed that he was limping a little, so he hadn't been lying earlier, but it was obvious he wouldn't have needed to be carried. It had only been an excuse to get out of having to walk, but it wasn't like I minded.

When we entered the bedroom, and I caught sight of my clothes on the floor, I realized I was thankful that I had decided to wear track pants and a sweatshirt yesterday since I didn't feel like wearing jeans right now, especially not when it was only five in the morning.

After pulling on a pair of Harry's boxers, I tugged the black track pants over my legs, reaching for my grey sweatshirt on the floor when Harry suddenly tossed me his black Columbia hoodie.

"What?" I asked in confusion, looking up to see him put on his grey joggers from yesterday, the grey towel still wrapped around his hair.

"I like you wearing my clothes. You look cute in them," he confessed, a smile forming on his lips.

I rolled my eyes at the word 'cute' but pulled the black hoodie over my head anyway, letting the big clothing swallow me. He tilted his head to the side, giving me a nod of approval. "You just see this as an excuse to keep my sweatshirt so that you can smell it when I'm not here, don't you?" I huffed, remembering how much my red sweatshirt had smelled of him after only a few days of being here.

"Maybe," he admitted, smiling toothily. "But you're still adorable in my clothes."

I let out a snort. "Fuck off."

Instead of listening to me, he got closer, stopping just a foot away from me. "Don't act like you hate it when I call you that," he smirked, leaning in to kiss my nose. "Come on, let's get something to eat. I'm starving."

We walked down to the kitchen together, Harry trailing a bit behind due to his limp. We then started preparing breakfast; he pulled out the ingredients for pancakes while I pulled out a pan and turned on the kettle to boil some water. It was only five-thirty in the morning now, but neither of us had dinner yesterday, so pancakes were a given to settle our hunger.

Once the tea water was finished, Harry was in the process of whisking the batter while the butter was frying in the pan. I pulled out two cups and two tea bags before pouring the hot water into them. "You want butter and syrup on the pancakes?" I questioned, remembering that he used to have it back in the days.

"Nah," he declined. "I'd like jam and whipped cream."

I stared blankly at the side of his face while he poured some batter into the pan. "Harry, you don't even like whipped cream."

He turned his head to flash me a wide smile. "You remember," he said, tilting his head to the side. "Butter and syrup will be perfect."

Rolling my eyes, I pulled out the said items and placed them on the kitchen table. "What's this with you being a pescetarian, by the way? How did you get into that?" I asked curiously.

I started setting the table while he continued frying the pancakes. "Some of the people in my band are vegan, so they introduced me to the vegetarian diet when we were on tour. I tried it out and realized my body liked it a lot better. But fish is still healthy, and I wouldn't be able to live without milk and butter, so I only exclude meat and chicken," he shrugged, flipping the pancake.

Nodding slowly, I put the plates on the table. "That makes sense. I mean, if your body likes it better and stuff."

He turned around to flash me a smile. "Yeah. I actually don't have any acne now, thanks to it. Look," he said, pointing at his forehead where he used to have red spots back in the days.

If I were honest, I didn't have to look, seeing as I had been close enough to his face during the majority of the past few hours to know that they weren't there anymore, but I walked over to him anyway, getting into his personal space to reach up and run my fingers along his forehead. "You're beautiful no matter what," I told him, leaning in to press my lips to his cheek.

When I took a step back, I noticed that he was beaming, his dimples on full show. "Don't forget to flip the pancake, love," I reminded him when he kept looking at me. "We don't want to eat burned ones."

He let out a huff but turned around to flip the pancake anyway. Not long after that, they were all finished, and we sat down at the table to start eating, Harry settling down in front of me in the seat he always used to sit when I lived here.

We ate in silence, and I took the opportunity to watch him just because I could. It had been so long since I was able to admire him without it being weird or anyone seeing it. I had always found the way he poked his tongue out before taking a bite of food adorable, and it still was even though he looked more manly these days, what with his light stubble going on.

"What are you smiling about?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I looked down at my half-eaten pancake before looking back up at him. "I'm just very happy that I'm sitting here again."

His lips twitched as he brought a forkful of pancake to his mouth. "I'm happy you're here too."

Another silence fell between us, and my thoughts went to what was happening outside these walls, in the world we lived in these days. I didn't want to break our bubble, but this was a perfect opportunity to bring it up. "I'm sorry for bringing up work, but I've noticed that Leah's been around more these past few days, and I don't want to seem nosy, but I'm curious why that is."

A light chuckle escaped Harry's lips. He took a small sip of his tea before placing the mug back on the table. "You're cute when you're jealous," he smiled knowingly, making me roll my eyes.

"I'm not jealous."

He tilted his head to the side, the smile remaining on his lips. "Okay, so if I say that she's been asking me to give her another chance, would you still deny it?" He asked, raising his brows at me.

My lips parted as I looked at him. "I don't believe you," I swallowed. I was pretty sure I was hoping he wasn't telling the truth rather than believing he wasn't. But, even if he didn't reciprocate her feelings, I couldn't help but dislike the thought of knowing she was still trying to get with him.

"Well," he shrugged, seeming nothing but smug. "You don't have to, but that's the truth."

Letting out a grunt, I averted my gaze from him and crossed my arms over my chest. I could see his smile grow wider through the corner of my eye while his eyes were glinting with amusement. If I hadn't been sitting opposite him at the table, I would have done something to wipe it off.

"Can I take a picture? I want to save the look you have on your face right now," he chuckled, bringing his phone up from his joggers.

"Oh, fuck off," I huffed, getting up from my seat to dump my empty plate and tea mug in the sink.

Before I could turn around and walk out of the kitchen, I could feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind, locking around my stomach. He then pressed his lips against the back of my neck and inhaled deeply through his nose. "I'm just kidding, Lou."

I turned around in his hold with a scowl on my face. "You're such an ass," I muttered but still lifted my arms to place my hands on his shoulders.

He bit his lip. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it," he apologized with a smile. "You were just too cute."

Ignoring his comment, I looked up into his eyes. "So, has she really been asking you for another chance, or was that part of the joke?"

He pursed his lips, pretending to think about it, but the smile threatening to take over his features gave him away. "Okay, so she might not be trying to get back with me. In fact, we've actually been talking about you," he explained, the smile breaking through.

My eyes widened. "You've been talking about me?"

"Don't look so surprised," he said, hugging me closer to him. "Anyone would love to talk about you."

"Oh, please," I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "Just tell me what you said."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess she's noticed that you and I have started getting closer, so she's brought you up in our conversations. I haven't told her much, though, only that we started drifting apart when the band went on hiatus and now found our way back to each other. As friends, of course."

I pursed my lips, playing with the curls at the back of his neck. "I see."

Harry continued watching my features, seeing right through them. "It bothers me just as much as it does you that we can't tell anyone that we're more than that, and I promise she hasn't asked me anything else." He lifted my chin with his forefinger to make my eyes meet his.

Smiling faintly at him, I burrowed my face in his neck, my nose brushing his skin.

He tightened his arms around me and pressed a kiss to my hair. We then pulled away and looked into each other's eyes for a couple of seconds before I took a step back. "I'll do the dishes. You can go lay down for a bit if you want, you know, to recover from yesterday," I teased him.

With a roll of his eyes, he shook his head. "I'm pretty sure I'll manage, but thank you. I'll gladly skip the dishes."

He released his hold on me and left the kitchen, wobbling just a little bit as he made his way to the living room. I smiled at his retreating figure, wondering how I got so lucky to have him back in my life.

I cleaned the table and put the dirty plates, cutlery, and mugs in the dishwasher for the next few minutes. It didn't take too long, so I soon found myself walking towards the living room as well. It was nearing seven in the morning, so I knew I had to go get Clifford from Lottie's place in a while. I just had to inform Harry of it first.

But when I got closer to the room, I could hear a distant sound of a melody being played on the piano. Furrowing my brows in concentration, I tried to make out what he was playing, but I soon realized that it wasn't a tune I recognized. Or, at least not the melody.

"I'm in my bed, and you're not here. And there's no one to blame but the drink in my wandering hands."

I walked closer until I was standing in the door frame of the living room, leaning against it. Since his back was turned my way, he couldn't see me, and I didn't want him to because I was positive that would ruin the moment.

"Forget what I said. It's not what I meant. And I can't take it back, I can't unpack the baggage you left."

Swallowing, I let the lyrics sink in and quickly realized what he was singing about. It was impossible not to when I knew exactly what we had been through.

"What am I now? What am I now? What if I'm someone I don't want around? I'm falling again. I'm falling again. I'm falling. What if I'm down? What if I'm out? What if I'm someone you won't talk about? I'm falling again. I'm falling again. I'm falling."

I didn't realize I had inhaled a large breath until he suddenly stopped playing and turned around, startled. "Oh, I didn't realize-"

Shaking my head, I took a few steps closer to him so that I was standing right behind the piano stool. "It's beautiful," I reassured him, placing my hands on his shoulders. "Did you by any chance write it when we were in Leeds?"

He turned around in his seat, his brows pulled together in a deep frown. "How did you know?"

I flashed him a small smile. "I recognize some of the lyrics. I heard you sing it in your hotel room before we went to the spa," I explained, seeing how the realization dawned on him.

His mouth formed the shape of an 'o'. "Yeah, I uh... I began writing it back then, but it's been a work in progress the last few months. I've realized many things lately, and I'm trying to put it all into words." He pursed his lips, fiddling with the end of his sweatshirt.

When he didn't make any sign of movement, I sat down next to him on the piano stool. "Will you continue? I'd love to hear the rest of it," I asked hopefully, biting my lip.

He met my eyes for a few seconds, then his lips slowly formed into a small smile. "Sure."

Turning around and placing his fingers back on the piano keys, he pressed down, continuing where he left off. Meanwhile, I studied his face, trying to read what was going on inside his head when singing the lyrics.

"You said you care, and you missed me too. And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you."

Another smile broke out on his face, and he turned to meet my gaze only to give me a knowing look. I returned it, feeling how the crinkles by my eyes appeared. I should probably be the one adding those lyrics to one of my songs since I was sure I had written more tunes about him than he had about me.

He continued playing, and I found myself leaning my head on his shoulder while watching his fingers dance over the keys as if he had known how to play the instrument for years. It was amazing to see and hear. I wished I had been there to witness the process of how he got where he was today, but I knew I couldn't change the past.

All I could do was make sure I wouldn't miss another important moment of his life.

-----

I picked up Clifford from Lottie's place a few minutes past eight. The apartment door was locked, indicating that she had already gone to work, so I fished my keys out to unlock it myself. I was then welcomed by an excited dog, trying to get high enough to lick my face, but he only succeeded in reaching my stomach.

After taking him out for a short walk, I drove home to the big, empty house. I was starting to realize more every day just how boring it was to live on my own, especially now that Harry and I were back together. But it was a bit too soon for us to live together again, so I would have to manage for at least a while longer. A few months were nothing compared to living alone for three years after all.

I spent the rest of the day doing some chores and lounging on the couch. Doing chores wasn't really my thing, but I didn't want the house to become some moldy pile of trash, and I was too proud to have anyone else doing it for me, so I didn't have any other choice. Besides, I wanted people to know I could live on my own, even if things were much cleaner and more organized when I lived with Harry.

My mind slipped to what had happened the past twenty-four hours a couple of hundred times that day. I couldn't stop thinking about it and how happy it made me feel. Being with Harry like that after so many years... It was mind-blowing. Just thinking about it brought a smile to my face, the way I had run my hands along his naked skin as our bodies moved together in complete sync. I wondered if he was thinking about it as well, where he was possibly lying on the couch in his living room just like me.

The next day, I arrived at work with an almost giddy feeling in my stomach, and it definitely wasn't because I knew I was about to face Harry in merely a few minutes. Not at all. Please, I was completely head over heels for the man. I wasn't sure how many times it was possible to fall in love with the same person again.

So when I found him in the lounge room, perked up against the couch's armrest, his knees bent to his chest while reading his book, I found myself smiling as I walked over to lay down on top of him. I squeezed myself in between his legs, under the loop of his arms resting on top of his kneecaps. His eyes left the page he was reading, a warm smile forming on his lips.

"Morning, Lou," he greeted, his eyes shining brightly.

I nuzzled my nose into his neck, pressing a light kiss to his skin. "Morning, gorgeous. Did you sleep well without me?"

He let out a chuckle, his chest vibrating against my own. "Not quite as well as I did last night, but I'm pretty sure that's because I wasn't tired after sleeping for twelve hours and not because you weren't there," he teased.

Lifting my face from his neck, I pouted my lips. "I can't believe I'm together with such an arse."

Another chuckle escaped his lips as he tilted his head to the side, a fond smile playing on his lips. "You love being able to call me your boyfriend again, don't you?" He moved one of his hands to place it on the back of my neck, running his finger through my short hair.

"Maybe," I grinned, leaning down to nuzzle my nose against his. "Maybe a bit too much."

Unfortunately, the other guys arrived way too soon. It felt like five minutes later when the door opened and Patrick entered the place, quickly followed by Nick and Perrie, but it was probably more than that.

Harry and I rearranged our positions on the couch, sitting next to each other without touching. It felt even more strange not touching him now after spending a whole day with him two nights ago than it had done the previous week. It was as if my entire body was itching to move closer to him and at least make our thighs touch.

Thankfully, Patrick didn't have much to say, so we were soon standing up to leave the room and join our acts. I walked at my own pace, not registering much of my surroundings, so when I felt someone wrap their hand around my bicep to pull me back, I was a bit taken aback.

At first, I was completely sure it was Harry since there was no one else I expected it to be, so it surprised me to see Nick when I turned around, his tall figure standing a foot away from me.

I opened my mouth to ask him why he had tried getting my attention, but he beat me to it. "Look, I know I've been an ass to you, Louis," he started, averting his gaze while running a hand through his hair, as if this conversation was the last thing he wanted to have. "And I know you didn't deserve... most of it."

He inhaled a deep breath before looking back at me. "But you left him, and he was so fucking broken. It hurt so fucking much seeing him like that. I didn't know what to do. I just... I've always cared a lot about him, and I swore I would never let anyone hurt him again."

He pulled his eyebrows together, pinching the skin between them. "And I know you probably know by now that I love him in every way possible, but I can see how much he loves being around you. His whole aura changes whenever you enter the room, and he lights up like a kid on Christmas Day." He paused to inhale another deep breath. "All I wanted to say is... take care of him, alright? I'll always love him, I'll always want him to be happy, and if you are the one who makes him happy, then I'll have to deal with it. Just promise me you won't hurt him again, Louis. Please."

I blinked at him, feeling at a loss for words. After all these months of him being a pain in the ass to me, I had a hard time believing he was standing here, apologizing to me while telling me to take care of the man he loved. It was as if someone had taken the Nick I knew and replaced him with this good-hearted, foreign man. It was almost surreal.

After collecting myself, I let out a sigh. "Look, I understand, Nick. If I were in your position, I'd be pissed too. But you never got my side of the story. You only got Harry's. We both made mistakes, you know? But we've moved past that, and it makes me happy to hear that you have too. I'm... I'm incredibly grateful that you were there for him when I... wasn't," I admitted, looking at him in sadness. "I'm glad he had you, and I know how much you mean to him too. So, thank you. And I don't plan on ever leaving him again. I love him too much for that. I hope that answers your questions."

He gave me a curt nod, taking a step back with no emotions on his face. "Yeah, thank you. Take care of him. There are not many people like him out there."

"I know," I smiled, looking down at my feet. "I'll see you around, Nick."

He nodded again before disappearing down the corridor with quick strides, his posture a bit too firm. I hated the way my stomach tightened when I watched his figure disappear, but I couldn't not feel bad for him. I didn't want to imagine how it was to be him right now. It hurt too much.

Eventually, I started walking again, heading towards the stage. My head was spinning, and it still was when I entered the arena, seeing that my acts and the crew members were the only ones there. The rest must have already left to pick a song for the live show on Saturday.

I strode over to them with a heavy sigh, only stopping when I was in the center. We went over the usual, that they were free to go wherever they wanted to pick out three songs they wanted to sing on Saturday while I did the same thing for all of them, and then we would meet up in half an hour again.

As soon as they left the arena, I climbed up the stands to take a seat, laying the list of all songs on my lap. I was so lost in thought that I barely registered when someone walked by me a few minutes later.

"Hey, Louis."

I lifted my face to see Logan with a slight smile on his lips while looking at me. "Hi," I replied, watching him continue walking down the stands.

And suddenly, my heart didn't feel quite as heavy any longer because at least someone didn't seem upset about my doings. It was just a shame that I didn't know then that I would have to eat that up only a few weeks later.

Chapter Text

The days passed, and things between me and Harry only got better. More and more of my clothes seemed to transfer over to Harry's place, and Clifford and I spent most nights there as well. We were still trying to take things pretty slow, though. We didn't want to rush into our relationship, just like we didn't when we were young.

Therefore, we hadn't told anyone that we were back together yet, not even our families. I was positive both Anne and Lottie had a strong feeling, though, seeing as it was quite impossible to hide that we were spending a lot of time with each other.

Anne had come over once when Harry was alone and caught sight of Clifford's food bowls in the kitchen. She had knowingly pointed out that Harry had no pets to feed and therefore no reason to own these bowls. If I were honest, I had no idea how he managed to get out of that situation without telling the truth.

Lottie, on the other hand, had visited my house at least three times the last couple of weeks, but I hadn't been home once. I tried to tell her that I was spending more time at work, but she wouldn't have it. "I've been visiting on days when I know you're free from work, so don't even try to go there," she had told me. Besides, she already knew that Harry and I were 'heading there', so it was particularly hard to keep it from her.

But it wasn't like we wanted to hide it from them. All we wanted was to spend some time together, being in our bubble without having anyone asking questions for a while. It was nice knowing only the two of us knew what was going on.

Perrie and Nick might be excluded, though. We hadn't told them, but since we worked so close, it was almost impossible for them not to know when they were aware of our past. Besides, Nick had made it clear that he knew when he told me to take care of Harry, which was only two days after we had come to terms with it. And Perrie had sent us many knowing smiles these past few weeks, ever since our trip to Manchester. I was rather thankful that they hadn't asked any questions, though.

Another person it was difficult to hide it from was Liam, and Harry was in the same position with Niall. We both knew they wanted to know as soon as possible, and they deserved to as well, just like our families did, but I saw no reason to rush, and neither did Harry. We would tell them eventually.

Two people we had promised never to mention a word to, on the other hand, were Simon and Harry's manager. From experience, we knew that would only do us bad, especially if Simon found out. I didn't even want to know what he would do. The mere thought made uncomfortable chills run down my spine.

As for Logan, he had approached me a few times since he walked by me that time in the arena. He had apologized for asking me out, saying he didn't want things to get awkward between us. If I were honest, I didn't know what to do about the situation, but I found it sweet that he apologized because he didn't need to do that. It wasn't his fault I didn't reciprocate his feelings. After all, we had known each other for a while now, and we got along quite well, so it wasn't surprising that he asked me out, as mentioned before.

In the end, I decided to be civil about it and told him it was alright. Things didn't need to be awkward. We could move on from it and pretend it never happened. Or at least I could. I couldn't speak for him, but if he was willing to apologize and tell me he didn't want things to be awkward, I was pretty sure he had considered moving on.

Harry wasn't very pleased about it, though, like I wasn't pleased seeing him interact with Leah and Nick. I could feel his gaze on me every time Logan approached me, his green eyes squinting at us for a while too long. I had to give it to him, he was very attractive when he was jealous, so these situations didn't really bother me, but I knew what it felt like to be in his shoes, which was why I usually tried to get out of the situation anyway.

Even if it still bothered me to see Harry with Nick, he wasn't really a problem anymore. In fact, he was trying to get along with me. And by getting along, I meant he wasn't being an ass anymore. He didn't take every chance he got to piss me off, but he wasn't exactly friendly either. He just stayed at a distance and accepted my presence.

I wouldn't miss the sadness in his eyes every time his gaze flicked between me and Harry, though. It didn't matter if we were just sitting on the same couch or standing close to each other, the sadness and longing were always present, and I couldn't help but feel bad about it. I knew what it felt like to be him, longing for someone you wanted so badly but couldn't have. It had been me only a couple of weeks ago.

Seeing someone else going through the same thing didn't sit well with me, but sadly, I couldn't do anything about it. No one could. The only thing that would make things better was if he moved on, which would probably take a while, seeing as he'd had feelings for Harry for a long time.

These thoughts circled my head where I was lying, on the couch in Harry's living room, watching a movie he had decided on. He was lying between my legs, his back pressed to my frame with a blanket draped over our bodies. A bowl of popcorn was in his hands, placed on his lap while Clifford was lying at our feet.

If I were honest, I wasn't paying much attention to what was going on in the movie, but Harry's eyes seemed glued to the screen as his jaw moved with every bite of popcorn in his mouth. It was endearing to see how focused he was, the way his face would change every time something happened, whether it was something sad or happy. He was more fascinating than any movie could ever be.

It was Sunday, the day after the ninth live show. Only a week remained of the competition, and I didn't know what to think of it. Harry had similar thoughts to mine. These past few months had been a fantastic journey, and so much had happened. Not only between us but the show in general. The acts had developed a lot, and some of them were now ready to take on the world. It felt special to have had the privilege to witness their journey.

Black Birds, the group of two girls and two boys, were still in the competition along with Aaliyah and Frankie. These acts were the ones that had progressed the most these past few months, although Black Birds had already been great from the start. Nevertheless, they had all shown that they deserved to be in the final.

"Lou, are you even watching?"

My hands playing with his curls stopped moving as my eyes met his. "Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?" I cracked a smile, but judging by the look on his face, he could see right through me.

"This movie is really good, Lou. What are you even looking at?" He sighed, pressing 'pause' on the remote.

You, always you.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I averted my gaze from him. "I'm sorry. I'll try to focus on the rest of the movie," I promised him, running my thumb along his cheekbone.

He pouted his lips. "We're almost halfway through it. You won't even know what's happening if you start watching now," he pointed out, making me feel bad.

Grimacing, I glanced back into his eyes. "I'm really sorry, love. I can pretend I know what it's about if you want?"

Pulling his brows together as if thinking about it, he eventually shook his head, placing the popcorn bowl and remote on the coffee table without pressing 'play'. He then turned around so that he was facing me, his arms splayed out on my chest so that he could rest his chin on them. "How about you tell me what you're thinking about instead?" He suggested, tilting his head to the side.

A lazy smile formed on my lips, my hand gently cradling his cheek. "I'm thinking about the show, that there's only a week left and that time is running out. If you want me to be completely honest, though, I'm mostly thinking about you," I confessed.

He let out a soft chuckle. "How convenient." His lips curled as well, his left dimple popping. "What about me are you specifically thinking about then?"

I rolled my eyes. "I swear, you're so conceited."

He shook his head gently, the smile remaining on his lips. "Only when it comes to you. I want to know what you think of me."

Letting out a snort, I reached up to run my fingers through his fringe. "As if you don't already know."

Pulling himself up on his arms, he inched closer so that his face was mere inches away from mine. "I'd still like to hear it," he smiled, making my lips spread wider. "But I can start if you want."

He reached out his forefinger, which nail was painted in pink, trailing it from my forehead, down my nose to my upper lip. "I love your long eyelashes. There's always been something special about them, and they somehow make your eyes look even bluer. And I've always loved your rounded eyebrows and your button nose," he started, his finger moving back up to trace all these spots.

"But what I love most about you is how you always try to come off as you've made of steel, as if you don't give a shit about anything, when in reality, you have a heart made of gold. Even if you know you shouldn't feel bad for some people, you do anyway, and you're always so open-minded. You wouldn't let your feelings get out on anything or anyone. Take Nick, for example. When I told you he almost kissed me, you could have told me that I shouldn't keep spending time with him, but you didn't. And I can tell you feel bad for him now even when you shouldn't, even when he's been an arse to you for months. The same goes for Leah. When I told you things weren't working out with us, you could have kept quiet and secretly been happy about it, but instead, you only tried to be there for me. You've got a bigger heart than I think you're aware of yourself."

I blinked at him, trying to register everything he had just said. Somehow, there was only one thing my mind kept focusing on, and it probably wasn't what it should be.

"You love me?"

His lips spread into an almost amused smile as he shook his head. "That's the only thing you got out of that?" He grinned. "Louis, we've made up, we've kissed, we've had sex. Hell, we're even back together, and you're asking me if I love you?"

I opened my mouth to reply, but it took a while until the words escaped my lips. "I mean, I know. I just... It kinda hit different when you said it out loud?" I said, sinking my teeth into my lip.

He tilted his head to the side, the smile remaining on his lips. "I thought I was making it obvious, but if this is how you'll react every time I tell you how I feel about you, I'll make sure to do it more often."

My lips twitched, and I reached up to swirl one of his curls around my finger. "I love you too, Harold. I love how you show me you want to spend time with me by doing small things like asking me to go on a road trip or watch a football game with you. I love how you're always polite to everyone without acknowledging it. And I love the way your features show exactly what you're thinking when you're reading or watching a movie. You're beautiful, inside and out," I confessed, tucking the curl behind his ear.

He pursed his lips, seeming to be thinking about something. "That's what you were doing earlier, wasn't it? You were watching me instead of the movie?" He assumed, and I couldn't hide that he was right even if I wanted to. It was obvious.

"Stop making me sound creepy."

A grin formed on his face as he leaned in to ghost his lips over mine. "It's not creepy. I feel honored."

He was just about to lean in all the way and kiss me when the sound of the door opening in the hallway was heard, followed by a female voice calling out, "Wohooo, where are you, boys?"

I could feel every muscle in my body go rigid as I realized who it was, and I could feel Harry do the same thing, which must be why he didn't move an inch. Neither of us had collected ourselves when Anne stepped into the living room with a hand on her hip, a grin forming on her lips at the sight of me and Harry cuddling on the couch.

"Hey, sweeties. Gemma and I brought Chinese. I hope you haven't eaten yet."

I blinked at her, trying to register what was happening. It felt like Harry was in the same situation, where he was lying on my chest, remaining just as quiet as me. "Anne... hi," I said eventually, clearing my throat. "It's nice to see you again."

Harry pulled himself off my chest then, settling on the couch between my feet and Clifford. "Mum, what are you doing here?" He asked, furrowing his brows.

Anne flashed me a smile. "It's lovely to see you too, honey," she replied to me before looking at Harry, her features turning more serious. "Well, you wouldn't tell me that you and Louis are back together, so I took it upon myself to find out. I already knew, but I wanted to see it with my eyes. Besides, it's been years since I had lunch with all of my kids, and I couldn't wait any longer."

Harry ran his hands over his face while I could feel a warmth spread in my chest. Knowing she considered me one of her own made me very happy. I wasn't sure if the feeling could be described.

"Mum, there's something called privacy, you know? If we wanted to tell you that we're back together, we would have. You didn't have to come all the way from Cheshire to-"

"Harry, love. It's okay," I interrupted, placing a hand on his chest. "We're sorry we haven't said anything yet. We kind of wanted to keep it to ourselves for a while, you know, to avoid questions and stuff like that," I explained, biting the inside of my cheek.

It wasn't until then that Clifford seemed to understand an unknown person in the room and hopped down from the couch to run over and sniff at Anne's legs, his tail wagging from side to side.

"Oh, who's this cutie?" She asked, bending down to pet him behind his ear.

"It's Clifford, Lou's dog," Harry explained, still sounding slightly off, which wasn't like him.

Anne stood back up, straightening her shirt a bit. "The dog whose food bowls are in your kitchen?" She teased, trying to lighten the mood.

When he only gave her a nod in reply, she let out a sigh and sat down on the other side of the couch. "Look, I understand that you wanted some privacy, boys. I'm sorry for not calling to make sure it was okay for us to show up here. We were just very excited to see you together again, and I had a feeling we wouldn't get to see you, Louis, if we gave you a head's up. Maybe I was too eager, but it's been so long since last time. I just couldn't wait any longer."

Harry pursed his lips, looking up at his mum. Before he could reply to her, I beat him to it. "Anne, really, it's okay. We've been keeping it to ourselves long enough anyway, and maybe it wasn't a good idea to keep it from our families to begin with," I grimaced.

Looking over at Harry, I noticed that he was still thinking, but he soon let out a sigh. "I... Yeah, that's true. It's not like it matters that you know. I mean, you already did anyway. I would just like it if you didn't barge into my house. The least you could do was knock."

Anne burst into laughter, and I couldn't help but join her. Meanwhile, Harry pouted his lips, making me feel a bit sympathetic, so I scooted over to lay my head on his shoulder. "You're cute, love," I chuckled, to which he huffed.

Anne tilted her head to the side, her lips forming a wide smile. It wasn't hard to tell it was due to our actions. "I promise I'll knock next time, honey," she said, placing her hands on her thighs.

Harry nodded. "So, where's Gemma?" He asked, looking around the room.

As if on cue, the front door opened in the hallway, and only a few seconds later, she appeared in the doorway with plastic bags in her hands, her brown locks falling down her shoulders outside her black jacket. What surprised me was that she wasn't alone. Lottie was standing with a knowing smile on her lips next to her, her hands resting on her hips.

"Lottie, what the fuck? What are you doing here?" I asked, shaking my head in disbelief.

She tilted her head to the side. "Couldn't miss the party, could I? Besides, I've been asking you to let me meet Harry again for weeks, but you always avoid the damn subject, so when Gemma called me last Friday to ask me if I wanted to tag along today, I didn't hesitate. Now, apologize for being a shitty brother."

My mouth fell open momentarily as Harry clapped his hands together while laughing. "We waited too long to tell you guys, didn't we?" I sighed, scratching the back of my neck.

Gemma looked at us knowingly. "Only a couple of weeks," she teased, making me smile in amusement. I had missed these people more than I could have imagined.

"Alright, come give me a hug now, Lots. I've missed you, my favorite Tomlinson," Harry said, motioning for her to come over.

"Watch it," I warned him. He just turned his head to me and puckered his lips to give me an air kiss in return.

Lottie strutted over to us and didn't hesitate to throw herself into Harry's arms as he got up from the couch. "You tall fucking giraffe, I've missed you," she told him as they embraced, and I couldn't help but smile.

I then got up to hug Anne and Gemma, apologizing to Anne for the awful greeting earlier and telling them that it was lovely to meet them under these circumstances rather than when we met in Manchester a few months ago. They both agreed, saying that it had been difficult for them to know how to tackle the situation since Harry had made it clear he didn't want anything to do with me, but at the same time, they were happy to see me again after such a long time.

"Alright, kids. Let's go to the kitchen and eat before the food gets cold," Anne said a few minutes later, once we were all finished greeting each other.

After Harry and I set the table while Anne, Gemma and Lottie pulled out the food from the bags, we sat down at the kitchen table to dig in. Harry and I sat next to each other, and I could feel him glancing at me now and then, his eyes lingering for a while until he looked away. It made my heart flutter, knowing he used to do the same thing back in the days.

In return, I reached over to give his thigh a little squeeze, to which I received a wide smile.

We then started talking about old memories, Gemma reminding us again of when we used to prank each other while she was on tour with us. Lottie and Harry weren't there when we talked about it last time in Manchester, but they instantly got into the conversation.

"Oh, remember when I looked for my phone all over the place?" Lottie inquired. "I had no idea where I had put it, so I asked every crew member if they had seen it. Hell, I'm pretty sure I even asked Lux. And you guys played so innocent." She paused to shake her head in disbelief. "I've probably never been so stressed in my life, and then it turns out you two had put it in my jacket, which I didn't notice until we were leaving the arena. How did you even have the heart to hide it from me the entire night?" She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

I couldn't help but smile at the memory. Even if it had been a bit too harsh, her reaction was worth it, the way she ran her hands in her hair while pacing back and forth backstage.

"They've done so many terrible things to us," Gemma said disapprovingly but curled her lips.

"I'll probably never forgive them," Lottie continued, playing along.

"Honestly," Harry started. "Louis is the one who should be blamed. I was just the supportive boyfriend who tagged along."

"Oi!" I wheezed, snapping my eyes to him. "Don't tell me it was my idea to put glue on Gemma's tea mug that time when she was off talking to some crew member in the other room."

He pursed his lips, a smile threatening to break through. "You rubbed off on me. If I had never tagged along in the first place, I'm sure I would have stayed a great kid," he stated, making me roll my eyes.

"Don't act so innocent. We all know you're just as much to blame as I am. Besides, it wasn't as if we never got payback," I reminded him, looking at our sisters who were sitting in front of us. "They even teamed up with Liam, Niall and Zayn sometimes."

"It was well-deserved," Gemma implied, looking between us knowingly.

"Well," Anne said, flicking her gaze between all four of us. "At this point, I'm just glad you kept me out of it."

Harry tilted his head to the side, his lips twitched. "Good thing we're all mature grown-ups now then. Pranking each other wouldn't even cross our minds these days," he smirked, turning to meet my gaze. I was pretty sure he knew I wouldn't mind pulling pranks these days too.

I could see Lottie and Gemma watching him suspiciously from the corner of my eye. "Are you implying something, H? Because I'm not up for getting my phone stolen, or getting any shaving cream in my shoes... and not getting my hand stuck to any glass either," she warned him.

"H, I'm telling you, don't even think about it," Gemma added, boring her eyes into him.

He let out a chuckle, his head gracing my shoulder as he tilted his head. "You're safe, guys, I promise. Just messing with you," he grinned, and there was something about the way he said it that made us all relax and fall into a comfortable silence with our lips curled into soft smiles.

I could tell we all went back in time and thought of all these memories of us on tour, pulling these pranks just to annoy each other. They were some great days, even if things were a pain in the ass sometimes, but I would say the good things definitely weighed over the bad ones.

We fell into another conversation soon after that, catching up on each other's lives, seeing as it had been more than three years since we all last met. I refused to think that mum had been here then too, knowing it would only ruin the moment.

I hadn't felt this content in a long time, longer than I could remember. It was almost scary, considering I was aware that when things were too great, they could only get worse.

-----

As I drove to work two days later, I had a weird feeling in my stomach. I wasn't sure why because there was nothing other than a typical workday ahead of me as far as I knew. It was the last week of the show, though, so I was pretty sure it had to do with the fact that I didn't want it to be over. I wanted this week to last as long as possible.

The radio was on, Nick's friends talking about the final upcoming live show on Radio One and who they thought would win, but my mind was focusing on other things. One of my groups was still in the competition, so there was a lot to think about. Every act would have three performances this week, and on top of that, I was now dealing with this feeling in my stomach.

I knew I should be focusing on the good things, though. This was fun. All these months of working had led up to this weekend. The acts were excited, and so should we be. And I was. That wasn't really the problem. There were just so many things around it that needed to be taken care of.

A few minutes later, I exited the car and walked over to the arena entrance. A few more fans were hanging there today than usual, also probably because things were about to wrap up. I greeted them as I walked by, putting a smile on my face, although I felt like I would rather throw up at the moment.

Harry had left the house early today, as he usually did, while I decided to sleep in for as long as possible. Now that we spent almost every afternoon together, I didn't see the same need to hang out at the arena in the mornings. It was only risky, seeing as anyone could walk in at any time if they also decided to arrive early.

It turned out everyone was already there, sitting on each of the couches in the lounge room. The spot between Harry was empty, so I sat down there after greeting them all, putting another smile on my face. I could feel Harry watching me from the corner of my eye the entire time, concern written on his features. It didn't surprise me that he could read through me, but since I barely knew why I was feeling the way I did, I felt there was no need for him to worry.

Despite that, he kept glancing at me now and then as Patrick talked to us, and when we exited the room a few minutes later, he took me aside while Perrie and Nick kept walking to the stage. "Hey, are you alright?" He asked, searching my features intently.

Letting out a sigh, I nodded my head. "I'm fine. It's just this weird feeling I have. I don't really know what it is," I frowned, looking away from him.

He turned his head from left to right to check if anyone was around before reaching out to wrap his arms around me, pulling me close. "It's quite a hectic week we have ahead of us. Could that be it?" He suggested, fiddling with the end of my sweatshirt.

"Yeah," I mumbled, looking back into his eyes while giving him a faint smile. "I think that's probably it. And I don't want this to be over, you know?"

He nodded. "I know what you mean. I don't want it to be over either. It's been a great time," he agreed, leaning slightly closer so that there were only a few inches between our faces.

"Mhm, and it brought us back together," I added, my lips curling a bit as I reached up to grip the back of his neck.

"It did," he confirmed, letting out a light chuckle before leaning in to give me a brief kiss on the lips. "Come on, we should get going," he said, letting his hand linger on my waist for a while before dropping it.

I followed him to the stage without another word, pushing the weird feeling I had to the back of my head. I had more important things to worry about today anyway. For instance, getting my group ready for the live show on Saturday.

It turned out it worked pretty well because as soon as I started working with the group, everything else slipped my mind, and by lunchtime, I had almost forgotten about the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach altogether.

We ate at the restaurant across the street all four of us, chatting and having fun before heading back to the arena. Harry and Nick went off somewhere while Perrie and I settled on the couches in the lounge room, deciding to lay down for the rest of the lunch break.

I was scrolling through my messages on my phone, and she seemed to be doing something similar to it, her brows furrowed in concentration where she was staring at her device. This went on for about five minutes until I could suddenly hear her inhale a sharp breath of air.

My eyes snapped up from my phone, seeing how her eyes widened by the second. "What's going on?" I asked, feeling slightly worried. She never expressed that look on her face if it wasn't necessary.

She swallowed soundly, her gaze slowly leaving the screen to meet my eyes. "When did you and Harry break up?" She asked tentatively, making me knit my brows in confusion.

"What? Why are you asking me that?"

She closed her eyes for a few seconds before opening them again. "Just answer me, Louis," she pleaded, sounding slightly desperate.

Still feeling confused, I pulled my knees up to my chest. "In October 2015, why?"

"Fuck," she mumbled, looking down at her phone.

Feeling a bit frustrated by the lack of answer, I tilted my head to the side. "Perrie, can you please tell me what the fuck is going on? Why are you asking me this?"

A sad look suddenly crossed her features, and it didn't go away when she looked up at me. "I don't think you want to see this, but it's all over Twitter, so you probably will anyway," she explained, extending the hand with her phone to me.

I reached out to take it, feeling my heart pound loudly in my chest. As soon as my eyes locked on the screen, it dropped to the pit of my stomach, and it felt as though it stopped beating altogether. On top of that, the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach returned like a slap in the face.

@TheSun: Unseen of Harry Styles leaving a hotel in London with unknown blonde girl by his side after a night out in September 2015. Judging by their appearance, it seems like they had more fun than just partying the night before...

Chapter Text

I had no idea what happened in the next ten minutes. I could only remember Perrie yelling after me as I ran out of the room, but then it was completely blank. My mind shut down, refusing to think, refusing to feel anything. I felt completely numb. Every common sense left my brain, and maybe that was why I was driving way past the speed limit to Harry's house.

The traffic was quite busy too, so it surprised me that I hadn't crashed yet. I wasn't even sure if I would have reacted if I did because I wasn't present at all. At this point, I should have driven off the road a long time ago, especially by the way I was shaking, my hands barely holding the wheel while my heart was pounding in my chest.

I could tell I was about to hyperventilate, something I hadn't done in years. It was ridiculous. A thing like this should be a piece of cake. I had seen a lot of pictures of Harry with girls back in the days, and I knew all of them were just for publicity.

The thing was, I recognized this girl from the pictures taken of him leaving different clubs when we were falling out. She was the girl I had been so insecure about back then, the girl he had been seen with many times, and the same fucking girl he told me he cheated on me with.

And their appearance in the picture didn't leave much to the imagination. The way Harry was running a hand through his completely disheveled, long locks with bags under his eyes, and how her makeup was smeared all over her face, her hair not looking much better than his, made it clear what was going on.

How was I supposed to think anything but the obvious?

A loud honk snapped me back to reality, and I made a sharp turn to get back on my side of the road when I noticed I was about to run right into the oncoming car. Fuck. The last thing I needed right now was to get involved in an accident.

The shock didn't subside until I was parking the car in the driveway of Harry's house, but that was the only feeling that left my body. The numbness was still there, and the sickness was building up by the second.

It wasn't until I opened the door of the familiar house, the house I had grown to love all over again, that the emotions started to kick in.

Instead of feeling sad and heartbroken about what was going on, I could feel frustration build up inside me, soaring through my veins. It didn't get better when I stepped into the living room and saw the pictures of me and Harry hanging on the walls so fucking innocently. I wanted to tear them down, rip them to pieces with my bare hands. The thought was almost too tempting, but instead, I found myself throwing my car keys at the white wall next to the picture of us at the beach in California, shouting out in frustration.

"Fuck this stupid shit!"

I then left the room, exhaling a shaky breath as I made my way upstairs, refusing to think about when I had carried Harry up these stairs only a couple of weeks ago. The memory seemed so far away right now.

As soon as I stepped into the bedroom I usually spent the nights in these days, I threw open the closet door and pulled out every garment I recognized as my own, tossing them onto the bed. I couldn't care less that his stuff went all over the place in the process, and just kept rummaging through the space.

I then bent down to pull out my bag from under the bed and started pushing the clothes into it, not giving a shit about them getting wrinkled. After that, I went into the bathroom across the hallway to fetch my toiletries, making sure to grab my perfume this time because fuck, he didn't deserve to keep anything that was mine.

It wasn't until I made my way downstairs and entered the kitchen that I could feel my heart clench in my chest as if someone was twisting a knife in it, and it was all because of the sight in front of me.

Three years ago, I had been sitting on that same chair at the same kitchen table, waiting for Harry to come home so that I could tell him I was leaving. And fuck, it hurt. It hurt that I was basically in the same situation now, only that I wasn't doing it willingly this time.

Swallowing back the tears threatening to spill, I grabbed Clifford's food bowls and poured the water in the sink. I then searched the kitchen for anything else that was mine but with no success. I hadn't had time to bring much over yet, which may be good now.

Deciding not to stay longer than necessary, I started walking towards the living room to fetch my car keys, but that was when the sound of the door handle being turned was heard, causing me to freeze on the spot.

Only a few seconds later, Harry's concerned voice filled the house, making my heart clench even more.

"Louis? Perrie told me you left in a hurry. She said I should follow you since it was because of something important."

I was gripping the food bowls so tightly that my knuckles were turning white. I wasn't prepared to face him. Not now. I needed to breathe. I needed to think, especially now that my head was about to start working again. I couldn't do this.

"Louis, what are yo-" He stopped mid-sentence when he caught sight of me, standing in the middle of the kitchen with my bag slung over my shoulder and the food bowls in my hands, probably looking like a dear caught in the headlights.

His eyes widened in fear as he stopped abruptly in the doorway. "What's... what's going on?" He asked warily, swallowing as he eyed me from head to toe.

I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out. It didn't make matters better that he looked so extremely attractive in his black Columbia hoodie, which I had been wearing just as much as him lately, his curls more luscious than usual on top of his head. It made me want to cry.

Collecting myself, I fumbled to get my phone out of my track pants with shaking hands. I quickly unlocked it and went onto Twitter. It only took me a second to find the picture because Perrie was right. It was all over the platform. "You tell me what is going on," I said hoarsely, extending my shaking hand with the screen facing him.

He took five long strides into the room so that he was standing two feet away from me and looked down at the phone. His face drained from all its color within a second, going completely white as he stared at the picture in horror.

"Louis, it's not..." He trailed off, his voice barely a whisper now.

Feeling almost desperate, I looked at him pleadingly. "Just... please tell me it's not real. Tell me you were never there with her," I practically begged, feeling how my knees were giving out.

He shook his head, looking as though he had been physically hurt, his features crumbling. "I... can't."

A strange noise escaped my lips as I stared at him, feeling how my entire world was falling apart. I couldn't handle this. It was too much. I already knew that the picture wasn't fake, but hearing him confirm it was even worse. I was pretty sure I had never felt this betrayed in my life. It was even worse than hearing him say he cheated on me because now, on top of that, he had been lying to me all this time as well.

"You... can't," I repeated in an echo. "You lied to me. Fuck, why would you do that? Were you so regretful about it? That you couldn't even tell me the truth?"

I was sure I sounded more and more desperate, but I just didn't understand. Why would he do this?

He shook his head quickly, running a hand through his curls while taking a shaky breath. "No, God no. Louis, please. I know it looks bad, but-"

"But what?" I asked, feeling empty with emotions. "I'm pretty sure nothing you say will make this situation any better. I just... I can't do this right now. I need to breathe," I said, pulling at the roots of my hair as I breathed heavily through my nose.

My heart was pounding in my chest, beating so frantically that I was almost sure it would burst. My throat felt thick, tears threatening to fall, and it didn't make matters better that Harry looked completely heartbroken in front of me, his eyes filled with panic.

I made a move to walk past him to the living room, but he reached out to grab my arm, making me come to a halt. "Please don't leave," he pleaded, tightening his grip as he bored his eyes into mine.

Looking down at his hand, I swallowed. I didn't want to leave. Hell, the last thing in the world I wanted was to leave him, but I couldn't stay here. I needed to be alone. I needed to think, and I couldn't do that when he was around. Just seeing him right now made me want to burst into tears.

I reached up to unclasp his hand around my bicep, letting it drop to his side. When my eyes met his again, I noticed that he looked like he had been slapped in the face. He looked so incredibly hurt that I wanted to wrap my arms around him. Every single muscle in my body was pleading for me to do so, but my brain was yelling at me not to. He wasn't the one who needed to be comforted right now.

"I need to go," I said monotonously, turning around to jog to the living room so that I could fetch my car keys.

I could hear him let out a strangled noise as I left, which was why it didn't surprise me when I found him standing in the hallway when I got there. His cheeks were now flushing red, a few tears rolling down. Seeing him so hurt made it a lot more difficult to leave. I just didn't understand why he looked so affected when he was the one who had cheated and lied to me all this time.

"Can we please talk about this?" Despite looking the way he did, his voice was calm and pleading but also a little shaky.

I furrowed my brows. "There's nothing to talk about, Harry. I already know what I need to know," I replied emotionlessly, knowing I wasn't showing what I was actually feeling. I could tell it only made him more upset.

With my bag on my shoulder, the food bowls and car keys in my hands, I walked to the door and turned the handle. Without looking back, I took a step outside, ready to shut the door behind me when he called out one last thing.

"You know I would never cheat on you, Louis."

The door closed behind me, leaving me to walk towards my car, but I didn't do it with the same determination as I thought I would. My strides were hesitant, my heart racing in my chest while his words went on repeat in my head.

"You know I would never cheat on you, Louis."

My mind slowly started working again, and it didn't stop when I finally made it to my car, getting inside and shutting the door behind me. It was already getting dark outside despite only being around three in the afternoon, the sun standing low in the sky. It was chilly as well, so I quickly started the engine to turn up the heat.

It wasn't until then I noticed that Harry's car was parked right behind mine, making it impossible for me to get out of the driveway without running into it.

I slumped in my seat with a sigh, throwing my head back against the headrest, feeling defeated. It was the perfect moment to finally process what had happened the last few hours, though.

The picture was still fresh in my mind, the way everything about it was so obvious. It was almost as if it was meant to cause drama. Not just for us but for every fan out there since there was no news that many people were interested in knowing about Harry's love life. Therefore, pictures like this were never published if someone hadn't approved them.

And that someone was not Harry. It was obvious by the way he had reacted when he saw it. However, that didn't mean the story behind it didn't happen. The picture was still real. Harry had even confirmed it himself. The fact that he had even tried to deny what was so obviously going on made me frustrated, but it also made me think about the alternative.

I was pulled back in time to the bathroom in Ibiza when Harry followed me, and I accused him of having cheated on me. His reaction hadn't left my mind for days after that evening. He looked like he had just been punched in the face. Those were my exact thoughts. But why did he look like that if what I accused him of was true?

It made me think of the first time I visited his house after leaving him three years ago, when he first said the words, "I never cheated on you, Louis." I hadn't even hesitated to believe him, and why would I? There was no reason for him to lie to me. We barely talked at the time. He didn't even want anything to do with me. He was just honest, as though it had been eating him up inside for ages and couldn't wait any longer to tell me.

Now that I thought about it, these two incidents weren't the only times he had convinced me that he had never been with anyone else when he was together with me. The memories washed over me, one by one, taking me back in time, reminding me of the man I had once fallen in love with.

"Date, Louis. I can't fucking date."

"You're the only one I want to do it with. It always has, and it always will be."

"I was quite heartbroken when we broke up. I didn't do much more than stay in bed when we had nothing to attend with the band. I was... hoping you would come back, and I figured if I left the house, you wouldn't know where to find me."

"You're the only person in this world who's capable of breaking me to the point where I can no longer see a reason to keep living. When you left me, I felt so much mental pain that I was sure I was going to fucking die. I remember lying in bed praying every day that you would come back and tell me it was a joke, that you would never even think of leaving me, but you never did."

The last memory made my heart clench. He had worn his heart on his sleeve, something he always did when he wasn't trying to be someone he wasn't. He had never been one to lie. He was always honest, even at times he didn't want to be. The only time he had lied to me was the night I left him.

"I thought it was obvious. I thought you would understand it was a lie."

If it weren't for the fact that I had been so vulnerable, having seen the pictures of him and that blonde girl leaving different clubs those nights, and having Simon tell me he would leave me for someone else one day, then maybe I would have been able to see through him. Maybe I would have known he was lying when he told me he had cheated on me.

And the fact that he had admitted to being completely heartbroken when I left him made it even more obvious that he never was with this girl. He wouldn't have been so hurt if he had even thought of sleeping with someone else while still being with me. He wouldn't have cared as much as he did. Nick had even told me how hurt he was before I knew why he was so mad at me during the audition tour in Leeds.

"If it weren't for you, he would have been fine. He wouldn't be like this. I hope you're fucking happy."

And he did again only a few weeks ago.

"But you left him, Louis, and he was so fucking broken. It hurt so fucking much seeing him like that. I didn't know what to do about it.  I just...  I've always cared about him, and I swore I would never let anyone hurt him again."

It made me think of my and Harry's last few weeks together, how incredible they had been. I wanted things to always be like that, and I knew having him in my life was all I needed for that to be the case. He was all I ever wanted. No one else, nothing else. Only him.

I thought of when we looked at our old pictures together, how he had his arms around me the entire time, his chin resting on my shoulder gently. How content I had felt. How amazing it had been, as if no problems existed in the world whatsoever.

It reminded me again of what he told me that afternoon, that he never sold the house when we broke up because he had been waiting for me to come back.

"Since you've listened to some of my songs, you might already know that one of them is about how I felt at the time."

I hadn't listened to the song yet, but I couldn't help but feel like right now was the perfect opportunity to do so. It would let me know how he actually felt when I left him. No lies, no jokes, only the truth. Because I knew Harry would never write a song about something that wasn't true if it wasn't necessary, and he would never show his vulnerable side if he didn't mean the words in the song.

That was how I found myself connecting my phone to the car, going onto Spotify to type in his name in the search bar. I clicked on his album, realizing that I had no idea what the song was called, and I hadn't listened to enough of them to be able to make it out.

Biting my lip, I clicked the first song, hoping it would be the right one. It didn't take long for me to realize it was because the atmosphere of the tune gave it all away, the mysterious and slightly sad tone, but also the echo of his voice.

"Meet me in the hallway. Meet me in the hallway. I just left the bedroom, give me some morphine. Is there anymore to do?"

A large lump formed in my throat, making it almost impossible to swallow. There was something about the lyrics and his voice made me feel sick. It went right into my soul and into my heart, leaving a mark I was sure wouldn't go away for a while.

"Just let me know, I'll be at the door, at the door, hoping you'll come around. Just let me know I'll be on the floor, on the floor. Maybe we'll work it out. I gotta get better, gotta get better. I gotta get better, gotta get better. I gotta get better, gotta get better... and maybe we'll work it out."

I made another attempt at swallowing, but it didn't go any better this time. If anything, it was only getting worse every second the song kept playing. It hurt so much to hear how hopeful he had been about me coming back, about things getting better between us. I wished I had heard it a long time ago so that I would have known how he felt.

"I walked the streets all day, running with the thieves. 'Cause you left me in the hallway (give me some more), just take the pain away."

I could feel tears pooling in the corners of my eyes, threatening to roll down my cheeks. My heart was clenching, hurting by the sound of his voice and those lyrics. The way he managed to sound so vulnerable... I had never heard him sing like this before. It was so beautiful, yet hurtful at the same time.

And I understood what he meant when he said he had felt so much mental pain that he was almost sure he would die now. It was as though I could feel his pain through the song, and I couldn't help but be reminded of how I had felt at the time.

Because in all this mess, I had been heartbroken too, whether it was well-deserved or not. I left him after all, so maybe it was, but it was easy to forget that I still loved him when I left him. So, learning that he had cheated on me completely broke my heart. I didn't know it back then, but I knew now (and had done for some time) that he had been just as heartbroken as I was.

"We don't talk about it, it's something we don't do. 'Cause once you go without it, nothing else will do..."

The tears were now rolling down my cheeks, leaving a wet trail behind. I didn't even bother wiping them away because I was busy thinking about the song I had just listened to. I was aware that Harry was an amazing songwriter. He knew exactly how to convey emotions into the music and make the listener feel exactly how he felt. I had gotten the same feeling when I listened to 'If I Could Fly' for the first time.

And the fact that this song was about me made everything ten times worse. It made me feel incredibly guilty, knowing I had put him through so much pain, pain he never deserved to feel in the first place.

And if it wasn't already clear before, it definitely was now. Harry was not a cheater. He had never been, and I was sure he would never be either. All this time, I had gone around worrying that he would leave me for someone else, some blonde, pretty girl he could show off to the world. I had been worrying when there was nothing to worry about because Harry was in love with me, and he had been ever since he was 16 years old.

Yet here I was, running away from him again. I had been lucky enough to get him back once, but twice? I wasn't sure if I would be that lucky, and that possibility made me feel sick.

"Just promise me you won't hurt him again, Louis. Please."

Feeling my heart clench in my chest, I found myself exiting my car, shutting the door behind me. I jogged the way back up to the porch, opening the front door with a hammering heart, my cheeks still damp from the tears that had escaped my eyes earlier.

The sight I was met with inside the house made me regret running away even more. My hammering heart dropped to my stomach, my face draining from its color. I could feel every muscle in my body freeze for a second upon seeing Harry sitting on the floor, his back pressed against the wall across the room. He was gripping his shins tightly, as if he was scared he would break if he let go, silent tears rolling down his flushed cheeks, his curls a complete mess on top of his head.

The sight was heartbreaking. If this was anything like how he reacted when I left him last time, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to forgive myself.

He looked up the second the door shut behind me while I kept focusing on his features, his posture, feeling my heart break inside. I wasn't sure if he was more taken aback by the fact that the door closed or the fact that I was standing only a few feet away from him, frozen in place.

He blinked once, twice, three times as his mouth fell open. "Wha-"

Before he could finish whatever he was about to say, I put my muscles into action and walked over to him, bending down so that I was kneeling in front of his figure. Without saying anything, I reached out to take his face in my hands, caressing his soft cheeks with my thumbs while looking him in the eyes.

Meanwhile, he stayed completely still, not moving a limb as he looked at me in shock, his plump lips still parted. I could feel my face crumbling more every second I watched him, the guilt eating me alive on the inside. I had never seen him so hurt before, and I absolutely despised the fact that I was the one who had caused it.

So, I did the only thing I felt as though I could do; I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. It wasn't very comfortable, seeing as he still had his arms wrapped around his shins, and he made no attempt to reciprocate it, his muscles only tensing under my touch.

However, when he noticed I wasn't going to let go anytime soon and only hugged him tighter, burrowing my nose into the crook of his neck, he went pliant. He unclasped his hands from his legs and spread his knees to let me fall into him. I went easily, letting our chests press together as he tentatively laced his arms around my waist.

Something inside me snapped then, as if it dawned on me what was happening, and I could feel silent tears roll down my cheeks where I was burrowing my face in his neck, my heart racing in my chest. I was pretty sure he could feel the salty tears land on his skin, but I didn't put much thought into it.

I couldn't believe I had been about to make the same mistake I had made three years ago without even acknowledging it. I felt so awful about it that I wanted to crawl into myself.

Harry tightened his hold around my body, and it seemed as though things were slowly dawning on him too. His body started to tremble against mine, his breathing getting uneven as he pressed his lips against my shoulder.

We stayed like that for a long time, holding each other while letting everything out. It felt amazing. It felt like coming home, as if I belonged there in his arms. I never wanted to let go, almost afraid of what would happen if I were to do so.

I eventually did anyway, but only to be able to look at his features. I cradled his face in my hands, keeping him close enough to feel every breath he inhaled and exhaled but far enough to see his facial expression.

"I promise I never cheated on you, Louis," he whispered, sounding weak.

My face scrunched up in pain, not because of what I felt, but because of what I had just put him through. "I know."

He furrowed his brows in confusion, averting his eyes from mine. His face quickly turned hurt, and he started moving in my hold as if he wanted to escape. "Then why did you-"

Letting out a sigh, I shook my head. "I didn't know before I... ran out. I realized it when I let myself think about it," I explained, biting my lip.

His cheeks were damp from the tears that had escaped his eyes earlier, his cheeks still flushing a bright red. Nonetheless, he looked beautiful and so vulnerable, his face still showing confusion as he refused to meet my eyes.

"Think about it?" He asked, finally looking up at me.

I let my thumb slide over the skin where I knew a dimple would show if he curled his lips. "Yeah," I replied, flashing him another faint smile. "I was reminded by all the times you have convinced me you never did, and if that didn't make it obvious enough, I... I listened to the song you wrote about our breakup." I paused to shake my head.

"It reminded me so much of the pain you told me plenty of times you went through, and it made me realize even more that you couldn't have cheated on me. Then the awful possibility that you might not take me back again hit me, and it made me feel sick inside because I can't fucking live without you, Harry."

A sad smile formed on his lips, his lashes fluttering slightly. "If it isn't already obvious, I can't live without you either. The mere thought of you leaving me completely breaks me. Please don't ever do that again. I don't know if I can handle it," he mumbled, his brows furrowing.

My thumb was still running over his soft skin as I shook my head, looking at him with sad eyes. "I'm so sorry for making you believe I was, and it kills me to say that I probably would have if my thoughts didn't stop me and your car wasn't parked behind mine. I wish I would have let myself think about it before I walked out the door."

He looked up then, his features still showing how hurt he was. "You wouldn't even let me explain."

Feeling guilt build up inside me again, I looked at him sadly. "I know."

"You just... left, and I couldn't do anything about it," he finished, tears pooling in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," I said weakly, feeling so guilty that I couldn't keep looking him in the eyes. "I was so sure because that picture... It was her, and I didn't... It was like that evening was repeating itself all over again, and I couldn't fucking think straight. Harry, please just... tell me what was happening in that picture."

I was looking into his green eyes again, and they were so green, greener than usual. It was mesmerizing, and I found myself not being able to look away from him.

"I wanted to tell you before you left that yes, we both were out clubbing the night before the picture was taken, and yes, we were staying at the same hotel. The picture is completely real, but we never stayed in the same room. I barely even knew the girl. She was just attending the same clubs as me, most likely to get noticed. I'm sure she was a fan. I have no idea how she always found out where I was, though, but the paps obviously liked the fact that there was a girl in my presence, and so did the publishers, so they always snapped pictures of us when I was leaving and she was following me," he explained, swallowing.

"I probably should have brought a bodyguard when I went out, I know, but I didn't care at the time because I was a mess about the fact that you were avoiding me. Then one night, she followed me to this hotel. I didn't go home because I couldn't find it in me to face you when you would barely even look at me, and I didn't know she was there until I left the next morning and this picture was taken. She really tried her best to make it look like we had slept together, when in reality, I had barely acknowledged her. And fuck, I know I shouldn't have mentioned her when I told you I had cheated on you. It's the stupidest mistake I've ever made. I shouldn't even have told you I cheated in the first place because I know it's had a large impact on you, and you still have trust issues about it. I just wish you knew that I could never do that to you. I love you so fucking much, and I always have. There hasn't been a second since I fell in love with you eight years ago that I haven't been in love with you."

His words made my throat clog, and I found myself swallowing to make the lump go away, but it was to no avail. Hearing him say those words was a lot better than hearing them in my mind earlier. I knew it was true, but it hit so much deeper when he said it.

"I'm in love with you too, Hazza."

My lips curled after calling him the nickname I gave him all those years ago, and judging by the slightly shocked look on his face, he wasn't really expecting it. But then it turned into a look of fondness. "Did you just call me what I think you called me?"

A light chuckle escaped my lips. "Just kiss me, love."

He didn't need to be told twice. He leaned into my touch, pushing himself off the wall to connect our lips in a firing kiss. My hands instantly went to grip the back of his neck as he traveled his to my hips, his large hands holding them in place.

Our lips kept moving together, almost desperately. He alternated between nipping at my bottom lip and sliding his tongue along it. That was until I had enough and parted my lips to let his tongue slip inside and rub against my own.

My hands traveled up to curl around his hair, tugging at the locks as his hands went under my sweatshirt to touch my naked skin.

I wasn't sure how long we kissed, but we both pulled away to breathe after a while, his face still close enough for our noses to touch. "Promise me you won't leave me again, Lou," he pleaded, closing his eyes momentarily.

"I'll stay for as long as you want me," I promised, tucking his fringe behind his ear.

A smile formed on his slightly swollen lips. "I'll always want you, Lou."

"Forever then," I said, my lips curling. "I'll stay forever."

My words made me receive another deep kiss from the man I was head over heels in love with, and it felt amazing knowing he loved me just as much in return.

It wasn't until we parted several minutes later that I let my mind start processing what had happened today and why. Why was the picture published now, three years after the incident? And who had allowed it to be published in the first place?

To me, there was only one given answer.

Chapter Text

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Harry and I realized there was no reason to go back to the arena again since it was already four in the afternoon, and everyone was most likely heading home. I felt bad for running off and leaving my group without a word, especially this week when things were more important than ever. It didn't make me feel better that I had made Harry leave too. I just hoped Perrie had come up with some excuse for why we were missing.

I ran a hand through my hair as I grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl in the kitchen. Harry was standing in the doorway, leaning with his shoulder against it while poking his hip out. His eyes were following my every move, looking at me expectantly.

"I'd love you to drive me there," I replied as I walked over to him. Placing a gentle hand on his hip, I tilted my chin up to press a sweet kiss to his lips. "Come on. We've got to hurry."

He sent me a small smile before following me to the front door. I was still wearing both my shoes and jacket, and Harry was still wearing his shoes, so it didn't take long until we were sitting in his Range Rover, backing out of the driveway. Seeing my car reminded me that my bags and Clifford's food bowls were still in there, but that was something I would have to remind myself of later because what I was about to do was much more critical.

I could tell Harry knew how much this whole thing affected me by the way he kept glancing at the side of my face and reached out to squeeze my thigh reassuringly. I would be a nervous wreck if I were him, which he probably was. He was just good at hiding it, and he probably wanted to be there for me right now.

When he parked the car outside the familiar tall building and turned off the engine, a silence fell between us. I was too worked up to move. I knew I had to calm down before I even thought of exiting the car, or else this would end in a disaster.

Harry was looking at me in deep thought, and I could only imagine what was going on inside his head. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.

I eventually reached my hand out to turn the door handle, but Harry grabbed my forearm before I could swing it open, stopping me from getting out. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" He asked, worry lacing his voice.

Turning my head to look at him, I could feel my heart clench at the look on his face. He looked like he was in pain, his features scrunched up. "I have to do this alone, love," I reminded him, sinking my teeth into my lip.

I knew he was expecting my reply, but that didn't mean it didn't make him sad. "I know..." He sighed. "Just be careful, alright?" And yes, he had definitely been hiding his nervousness before.

"I promise," I said, reaching over to press a kiss to his lips. "I love you."

He cracked a small smile. "Love you too."

When I got out of the car, the first thing I did was get rid of the apple. I didn't even know why I had grabbed it in the first place because I had only taken a few bites of it. Maybe I thought it would calm me down, distract me from the anger that was building up inside me. I was honestly surprised by how calm I had managed to stay, but Harry was not the person I wanted to get my anger out on, so maybe that was why.

The second I walked into the building, I could feel everyone turn their eyes to me. It was almost as if I was expected, yet at the same time, they seemed surprised. It was weird, and their looks made me shudder uncomfortably, my strides only quickening towards the elevator.

I didn't spare them another glance when I walked inside, letting the doors close behind me.

I was brought up to the floor I knew by heart, and the second I stepped out, I exhaled a deep breath. I should have probably smoked a cigarette before going here, but maybe having built-up frustration would make this easier. At least I hoped so.

Any other day, I would have knocked on the familiar wooden door, but today, I didn't think twice before turning the door handle and barging into the office.

Simon was sitting in his seat by the desk, his glasses on the tip of his nose, a black custom suit covering his body. He didn't even seem fazed that his door had just been swung open, his gaze remaining on his paperwork.

His reaction only made me even more frustrated. This man had no respect for other people whatsoever. In his eyes, he was the king of the industry, the man who everyone should look up to. It was disgusting. He didn't even deserve his title of being a manager.

He didn't look up until I slammed the door shut and walked over to him, hovering over his desk. But he remained calm, his features not giving away what he was thinking. "Tell me what the fuck is going on," I demanded, boring my eyes into his while clenching my jaw.

He tilted his head to the side. "Excuse me, Louis. I have a job to do. If you want to talk to me, you'll have to call first. You should know this by now," he said with a sickenly sweet tone, making my blood boil.

"I swear to God that this will be the last time you see me if you don't drop this stupid act. I don't give a shit about any contracts. I'll fucking quit if that's the only way out of this shit," I snarled, and yes, it was definitely a good thing that I didn't smoke before having this conversation. He, if anyone, deserved to have my anger directed at him, especially since he was the reason for it in the first place.

An amused smile formed on his lips, making uncomfortable chills run down my spine. "Louis, Louis, Louis. It seems like you'll never learn how to keep yourself together. It's really a shame," he snickered. "But fine, take a seat. I'll spare you a few minutes."

There was no way in hell I would sit right now. I was not here to have a nice and sweet meeting with him. I was here to make him explain what the fuck was going on. So instead, I fished my phone from my back pocket, going onto Twitter to find the picture I would rather not see again. I then shoved the device in front of his face to make him look at it.

"Tell me what the fuck this is, and don't tell me you don't know because I know you're behind it," I sneered, glaring at him.

His eyes flicked to the screen for a few seconds, his lips curling slightly. "I don't know what you're trying to accuse me of, but I think it's pretty obvious what's going on in this picture," he smirked, making me want to slap it off his face, but instead, I clenched my hand into a tight fist.

"Just tell me why the fuck you would publish this now, three years after it happened," I required, boring my eyes into his again.

He rolled his eyes. "Louis, I haven't done anything. Harry and his label are the only people who can consent to these things now that he isn't under my label anymore," he tried to explain, but I shook my head.

"That's bullshit. You always find your way to get through with whatever you want. I just don't understand why the fuck you would do it now, three years after we broke up. It doesn't even make any sense."

He raised his eyebrows in amusement. "Doesn't it, though? There's clearly a reason why you're getting so upset about it, isn't there? You and Harry broke up years ago, so you wouldn't have cared if you didn't still have feelings for him."

I dropped my phone on the desk to point my finger at him, not even affected by his words. "You and I both know that is not fucking true. Anyone would get fucking pissed if they found out their ex cheated on them, even if it's after they have broken up."

He tilted his head to the side, a smirk playing on his lips. "But you already knew he cheated on you when you broke up, didn't you?"

I could feel all color drain from my face, his words catching me completely off guard because never once had I mentioned to him why Harry and I broke up. But now that I thought about it, it made sense that he was aware of it because that meant he knew exactly what hell would break loose once the picture was published.

"You didn't know that I knew, did you?" He laughed, making me swallow hard.

When I didn't reply, he kept going, "I know more than you think, Louis. Have I never told you that you can't keep secrets from me?"

I just stared at him, letting his words sink in. If he knew everything, he was aware that Harry and I were back together and that he never did cheat. For some reason, I felt as though he didn't know the latter, but the fact that he could be aware of the prior made uncomfortable shivers run down my spine.

"I never told you what happened between us. In fact, I haven't told you shit about him, so how the fuck would you know?" I asked, the shock subsiding and being replaced by anger again.

A knowing smile made its way to his lips, stretching across his face. "I have my sources."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Your what?"

He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. The knowing smile was still playing on his lips as if he was mocking me. "You didn't think I would let you do the show without keeping an eye on you, did you? Especially not when you're working with Harry again."

It was as if he was pouring a bucket of ice-cold water over my head, revealing secret after secret that caught me off guard. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know more. This man was a fucking creep, keeping an eye on people behind their backs. It should be illegal, for fuck's sake.

"I have to say Leah did a pretty good job with Harry, although she fell for him in the process. She got a lot of stuff out of him," he continued, smirking now.

I was not expecting that. Hell, I wasn't expecting it at all. Leah had been working undercover for Simon all this time? How was that even possible? I thought she was just a woman in the crew who was a bit too interested in Harry and couldn't let him go even when he turned her down. But now that I thought about it, she had asked him about me a few times, and why would she do that if she was interested in Harry?

The realization made me feel sick, knowing a girl Harry had been close with lately was working for this man. Harry would be devastated when he found out. Fuck, he actually thought they were friends. He thought he could trust her, when in reality, she just wanted to get information out of him.

And what kind of information were we talking about here? Because as far as I knew, Harry hadn't told her more than necessary. He had told her we were friends. That was basically it. I was sure he had never mentioned that we were or had been together, let alone why we broke up.

Feeling the anger leave my body, I sat down on the chair Simon had told me to sit on earlier, running a hand through my hair. "What 'stuff' are you talking about?" I asked, almost feeling defeated. I hated that he was always one step ahead of me.

He almost looked smug where he was sitting, leaned back against the chair. "He told her pretty much everything, that you two were together back when you were in One Direction, that you guys started drifting apart and that he cheated on you," he explained.

I shook my head slowly, a flat laugh escaping my lips. "You're lying."

He raised his eyebrows in amusement. "Am I? Then how do I know what happened?" He challenged.

Closing my eyes for a few seconds, I shook my head again, this time quicker. "I don't care how you found out about it, but I know he would never do that." He wouldn't lie. Not again, especially about something like this.

The corners of his lips twitched. "You sound awfully sure about it considering you're not supposed to be dating anymore, don't you think?" He asked tauntingly.

I didn't say anything because I realized then that somehow, he was aware that Harry and I were back together. The fact made me feel even sicker. I wanted to escape, run out of this office, and never face this awful man again. He had already ruined so much in my life, and now that he was aware Harry and I were back together, I was sure he would want to ruin it even more.

"Logan made sure to update me on everything between you and Harry," he continued when I stayed silent. "And it became blatantly obvious that you are back together when you turned him down and refused to tell him that you were seeing someone else."

If he didn't shut up, I was sure I would throw up. I couldn't deal with more stuff being thrown at me. It was too much, too overwhelming. Logan had been working for Simon all this time as well? What was this? Some kind of twisted game?

Because that was exactly what it felt like. I had never felt more of a piece of someone's game as I did now, and then Harry and I had been through hell when we were in the band. This was different, though. We had never been watched like this before, without being aware of it.

However, looking back to how Logan had treated me since the start, maybe I shouldn't be surprised. He had been quite nosy at times, wanting to know stuff about me that a person like him shouldn't want to, and he had always thought we were closer than I considered us.

And here I had been, feeling guilty for turning him down when he never even wanted to go out with me in the first place. I felt dumb for not realizing it, but at the same time, he had never really given me a reason to question him. He must be one hell of an actor, that lying piece of garbage.

"So what?" I scoffed, trying to come off strong, when in reality, I was shaking with fear. This man was willing to go to the most extreme extent to get what he wanted, and it was scaring the hell out of me. "Leah tried to get information out of Harry while trying to make him like her, and Logan tried fishing for what was happening between us? Is there anyone else I should know about? Or are these the only people you've hired to follow me and Harry around?"

His smile faltered slightly, clearly not expecting me to collect myself so quickly after what he had just dropped. "Louis, you have to realize I'm doing this because I care about you. Harry cheated on you, he even told you so himself, and this picture makes it obvious. You are better off without him. I mean, he even dated Leah while you were around. What more evidence do you need to understand that he doesn't love you anymore?"

I couldn't help but let out a loud, humorous laugh. This man was crazy, and he was only proving himself more every second. "Simon," I said, looking at him intently. "You have to realize I'm not the same stupid kid I was three years ago. You can't manipulate me into thinking Harry doesn't want me. I know him more than anyone, and you have no bloody idea what we've been through these past few years and months. There have been so many misunderstandings, and I'm done listening to anyone but him. I know he loves me. I know that he doesn't want anyone else, let alone some blonde, random girl you've always said he'll leave me for. Let's be honest here. Your attempts at keeping us away from each other are getting ridiculous, more ridiculous than ever because you will never fucking win. Harry and I will find our way back together no matter what you fucking do. So whatever game you're trying to play, end it. It's game over." I finished, clenching my jaw.

He swallowed visibly, and it was obvious he was having a hard time keeping on track. I was making more resistance than I was sure he had expected me to. "He cheated on you, Louis. He lied to you about not telling Leah what happened between you. How are you taking it so well? You're an emotional person. You would never let it slip so easily," he continued, sounding slightly frustrated.

I let out a snort. "Harry didn't cheat, and he never told Leah what happened between us either because clearly, she doesn't know that he only said he cheated because he wanted to hurt me just as much as I hurt him. Maybe you already know that. You probably just want me to think otherwise, but as I said before, you can't manipulate me anymore. I know you lied to me last time, and I've learned from my mistakes. I'll never believe a single word you say again, so just do yourself and everyone else a favor and quit fucking trying."

A long, thick silence followed after that. Simon stared at me with pursed lips while I held his gaze steadily. I wasn't going to give in this time. He wouldn't be able to stomp on me and do whatever he wanted. The fact that I had let him do it once haunted me and would probably do so for a long time.

"Can you just tell me why you're so against me and Harry these days? We're not teenagers anymore. We're not aiming for our fans to fall in love with us. We only want them to like our music, so it shouldn't matter who we're together with. Sure, some fans might not like the fact that we're in a relationship, but so what? I'm sure most of them will only be happy that we're happy, that we're finally getting to show who we really are and who we love."

I inhaled a deep breath, feeling relieved to finally get that out. It was something I had always wanted to say to him, but I had never found the guts to do it, always too afraid that he would bite back at me.

He let out a loud bark of laughter, clapping his hands together as if what I said was hilarious. "After so many years in the industry, I thought you would understand it by now. It doesn't matter that you're not aiming for teenage girls to fall in love with you anymore. They are still the ones who listen to your music, and you would lose a bunch of money if you came out. Not only because some of them would stop listening to you, but you're still famous for being in One Direction, and if it came out you and Harry were dating the whole time, people would flip. You'd be hung out in media. They would call you names you'd never thought you would ever be called, and they would treat you like shit. So what I'm saying is, it would never work, Louis. You have to understand that."

I scoffed, raising my eyebrows at him. "That's funny because last time we talked about this, you told me that the main reason we couldn't come out was that every single one of our fans would hate us and feel betrayed. Have you figured since then that most of them won't?" I asked, waiting for an answer.

When he didn't say anything, I took it as a sign to continue. "You also said that we couldn't come out due to the contract we signed with you, so I think it's pretty obvious that you're only trying to save your sorry ass here. Your career would be over if you were exposed for having kept us in the closet all these years. You would have no one to work with because nobody would want to work with a homophobic dickhead like you."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "You think you're so clever with that smart mouth of yours, Louis, but you can't win over me. You're under my label, and it's clear what the contract says. You can't tell a soul what's going on within these four walls. And whether you believe it or not, I'm not homophobic," he finished, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.

I let out a loud laugh. "You have a very funny way of showing it, Cowell. Keeping two guys in the closet isn't homophobic at all," I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

"I'm doing it for you," he pointed out. "I'm doing it so that you'll earn as much money as you deserve."

I clenched my jaw, leaning forward in my seat. "Yeah? Well, neither Harry nor I ever asked for it. We never fucking cared about the money. We cared about living our dream and doing it alongside Liam, Niall and Zayn. They didn't care either. They only wanted what was best for us. You have always been the only one caring about it, so don't come here and say you have done anything for us."

I was furious. It felt as though I was going to burst any second. All this built-up anger I'd had the last eight years was coming to life, and I couldn't stop it. I didn't want to stop it because I had been waiting to have the courage to confront him about this for so long.

"I gave you fame, Louis. You would be nowhere if it weren't for me," he snapped, his nostrils flaring.

"You didn't give us shit," I disagreed, swallowing. "Do you seriously think signing us is what made us famous? That's bullshit. It's about personality and talent, Cowell, something you obviously lack."

His face turned a dark shade of red, and if it wasn't already obvious he was angry before, it certainly was now. "I put you in the band, Louis. You wouldn't even be famous if it weren't for me."

I shook my head, a feigned smile forming on my lips. "We both know that's not true. You were not the one suggesting to put us together. You have just taken the honor for it all these years, and honestly, you should be ashamed of that."

He looked down at his paperwork, his face still flushing red. "I see we have two different perspectives of this, Louis," he said slowly. You could hear that he was trying to remind himself to stay calm. "And even if you think I'm a talentless prick, I have a huge say in your career. I could make you do anything, and you wouldn't be able to do a thing about it. It's funny that even though you must know this by now, you still have the guts to say all this shit to me. I could end your career right here, right now," he reminded me, raising a taunting eyebrow.

I could feel uncomfortable chills run down my spine again, and I had to look away from him. How come I could never win over him no matter how hard I tried? It didn't matter what I said. He always had the upper hand.

"But," he said, his face turning neutral. "After all these years of trying to keep you and Harry apart with no real success, it's disgustingly clear that I have done it all in vain. I'm sick and tired of spending energy and money on you two, so as long as you stay the fuck out of the spotlights, I won't try to sabotage your relationship anymore. You will obviously still have to date Eleanor publicly, and if I so much as see an article about you and Harry spending time together, I'll end your career. Understood?"

I stared at him for a few seconds, trying to process what he had just said. I had to admit it was hard. After all this time, I never thought I would get to hear him say those words. It was almost surreal.

Trying not to show how surprised I was, I cleared my throat, furrowing my brows. "So you're confessing you are the one who published the picture to sabotage my and Harry's relationship after all?" I concluded. Not that I didn't already know, but I wanted him to confess.

He rolled his eyes, letting out a chuckle. "If it still matters... Yes, I did. I called a few people to see if they had any pictures of Harry from a few years ago. I remember how he started going out a lot, and that there were a few photos we never published because we knew they would ruin his reputation. They came in handy now."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Oh, so you thought it didn't matter that you ruined his reputation now then?"

A smirk formed on his lips as he shook his head. "Harry's not under my label anymore. I don't care. I was just happy I still had permission to those pictures."

I sent him a dark glare. "You're the most heartless person I've ever come across," I snapped.

He continued smirking at me. "Watch your mouth, Louis," he reminded me. "You don't want to lose your career, do you?"

Shaking my head, I got up from the seat, picked up my phone and slid it back into my pocket. "I'm fucking done here. Tell your precious undercover workers that if they so much as think of coming back to the arena this week, I'll kick their fucking asses out," I muttered. "And if you decide to drop me from the label, you, if anyone, won't have much of a career left because let's face it, I'm the only one here who brings in the money."

Without even waiting for a reply, I left the room, shutting the door soundly behind me. I could kick a wall. That was how angry and frustrated I was. I couldn't believe I had once looked up to this man, thinking he was someone who made people's lives better. Like hell he was. He had ruined more people's lives than he could probably count. He was a sick, heartless person who should be in jail for what he had done. It shouldn't be legal to do all these things just because you had signed a contract.

I was about to take the elevator back down to the bottom floor when I looked up only to see Harry sitting on a chair across the hallway. His hands were covering his face, his body hunched over as if he didn't want anyone to see his state.

He looked up the second I inhaled a sharp breath, his slightly bloodshot, green eyes coming into view as he raised his face. His dark curls were a mess on top of his head, looking as though he had run his hands through it one too many times.

It crushed me to see him like this. I knew that he didn't like the idea of me going into a meeting with Simon, especially after everything that had happened today, but I didn't realize it was this bad. If I did, I would have made sure to assure him that nothing would happen in there, that there was no way I was ever going to believe a word Simon said again.

"Jesus," I breathed, and he instantly got up from his seat to walk over to me.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, furrowing his brows in shame. "I couldn't wait outside. It was driving me crazy, not knowing whether you would come back or not."

Reaching up to take his face in my hands, rubbing my thumbs against his soft skin, I shook my head. "Of course I would come back," I said, swallowing down the tears. "I told you I would."

He pursed his lips, looking conflicted. "I couldn't be sure. I'm sorry I didn't trust you, I just... I felt so helpless out there."

"It's okay," I smiled, moving my hands down to wrap my arms around his waist. "I'm glad you're here."

He wound his arms around my shoulders, pulling me close to him. I burrowed my face in his neck, placing a light kiss on his skin. "Thank God for that because I had to go through hell to get up here," he chuckled, his voice breaking a little.

I pulled back to look at him in confusion. Then it dawned on me what he was talking about. "Oh, they wouldn't let you up?"

He shook his head, grimacing. "You can say they weren't very pleased when I walked into the building and demanded to let me go upstairs. I kinda had to push my way through."

A smile spread on my face. "Doesn't really sound like something you would do."

He shrugged. "I didn't care if I'm honest. I just had to be here when you came out," he said. "So, how did it go?" His eyes searched my face, trying to read me.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I let my hands play with the hem of his jacket. "He confessed that he was the one publishing the picture," I started slowly, looking into his eyes. "He uh... He also told me that he hired two people to keep their eyes on us while we've been working on the show."

Confusion crossed his face, his eyebrows pulling together. "Who would that be?"

I swallowed, averting my gaze for a few seconds. "Leah and Logan," I confessed, tightening my hold on his waist when I felt him tense under his jacket.

He looked as though he had just seen a ghost, the color draining from his face. His cheeks were still a little flushed from the cold weather outside, though.

When he didn't say anything, I continued, "He tried to make me believe that you told Leah about us, that you explained what happened when we broke up, but I obviously didn't fall for it. They must have overheard us talking about it sometime or something."

His features turned into a look of realization as he processed my words. "The bathroom in Ibiza," he echoed, looking as though he would be sick. "They were there."

My eyes widened. "Shit."

I didn't know how many times I had thought of that encounter today, but it didn't once hit me that Leah and Logan had been there that night as well. It made sense that it was from there Leah had gotten the information since she didn't know it was a lie, that Harry had only said it to hurt me.

"That also explains why Simon sent you that text when we were going to Manchester. They told him we were heading there, just the four of us, and he knew we were getting closer and didn't want you to get back together with me," he continued, shaking his head in disbelief. "This is so disgusting. I actually thought Leah wanted to be my friend."

I nodded sadly, reaching up to brush back a few curls that had fallen in his eyes. "I know. I can't believe it either. I mean, Logan always acted a bit strange. He thought we were closer than we were, but I didn't think he was working undercover for Simon. It's probably worse for you, though, since you practically dated Leah," I grimaced, not really wanting to think about that time.

A faint smile formed on his lips as he shook his head. "We never dated, and I never thought of her as more than a friend, so it's not really about that. It's just... She seemed so nice, and she didn't judge me. If anything, she was supportive," he sighed, looking away from me.

I pursed my lips. "She grew feelings for you, you know? Simon told me," I confessed against my will, keeping my eyes on his features.

He looked back at me in surprise, his eyebrows arched. "You sure that wasn't made up too?"

"There would be no reason for him to say that if it weren't true. It was almost as if he was disappointed in her for it. He tried to tell me that you didn't want me anymore since you were dating her when I was around, though."

He furrowed his brows, shaking his head. "He always tries to find ways to make you leave me. I hate it. I hate that he even has the opportunity to come up with ideas like that. I wish there were nothing that would make you doubt how much I love you. I wish everything I've done these past few years would make it obvious that I've only been thinking about you and how much I've missed you even when I didn't want to," he said, cupping the side of my neck, his fingers dancing over my chin.

My heart fluttered in my chest, butterflies erupting in my stomach. I couldn't help the smile that broke out on my face as I wrapped my arm around his back to pull him closer, my other still laced around his waist. "It doesn't have to be obvious to anyone else because it's obvious to me. I can see it in your eyes, I can hear it in your music, and I can feel it when you touch me. I know you love me, Harry. Nothing that man says or does will ever make me doubt that."

He leaned in to brush my nose with his, his lips ghosting over my own. Both his hands were now gripping the side of my neck as he looked into my eyes with so much fondness I was afraid he was going to burst. "You have no idea how happy that makes me. I was afraid you would start distancing yourself from me again, and I couldn't even handle thinking about that possibility," he admitted, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip.

I nudged my face closer to his, making my lips brush over his mouth again. He released his bottom lip and let them both slide with mine. It wasn't really a kiss, but it was almost better than one. It felt more intimate, more intense, especially the way he exhaled through his nose against my cheek while his curls tickled my forehead.

"I'll make sure you'll never be afraid of that again. I love you, and I promise that nothing or no one can ever make me leave you again. You're the love of my life, and I plan to keep you forever," I whispered against his mouth, leaning in to add a bit more pressure.

He reciprocated the kiss with ease, his lips moving as though they knew my every thought, my every move. "I love the sound of that," he said, pulling back a little to look into my eyes. His were glowing with both love and happiness, catching the dim lights in the room perfectly.

He was just about to lean in for another kiss when the door across the corridor swung open. We quickly turned our heads in the direction only to see the man himself coming out of his office, his glasses sitting further up his nose now. He stilled the second he saw me and Harry, pressing his lips into a tight line while the muscles in his face hardened. He didn't say a word, though, and the next second, he was walking away, down the corridor.

I could feel Harry tense against me, his back muscles going completely rigid. When I turned to look at his face, I noticed that his features weren't any better. I could almost feel the anger radiating from him. "I want to kill him," he muttered in a dark tone.

Placing a gentle hand on his cheek, I made him meet my gaze. "It's not worth it. Besides, you're not a violent person, Harry," I reminded him.

He closed his eyes, furrowing his brows. "I would still hurt him. He deserves it after everything he's put us through."

"True," I said, nodding in agreement. "But he's not worth the time or thought, love."

He opened his eyes, still looking ready to follow Simon and take him down, but it seemed as though my words had calmed him at least a little. He wasn't as tense anymore.

"Come on, let's go home."

And there was something about those words that made Harry forget about everything that had just happened, and he relaxed completely.

Chapter Text

The rest of the week flew by in the snap of the fingers. Simon kept his promise and didn't send Leah and Logan to the arena again. I didn't know if Harry was happy or sad about this because he wanted an explanation as to how she could have been so cruel even if she started caring for him, but at the same time, he never wanted to see her again.

I couldn't blame him. I was mad at Logan too, but we were not as close as they were, and maybe that was because Logan had never really cared about me. Even if he had made an effort to get close, I had never seen him as more than a colleague I talked to occasionally.

If I were honest, I didn't know what to think of Leah growing feelings for Harry. It didn't surprise me, but it didn't sit well with me either. It wasn't that it made any particular difference, but knowing she had liked him and wanted to be with him when they had been sort of dating made me feel weird. That meant they could have been dating now if Harry had felt differently about their situation, and that thought made me want to throw up.

But at the same time, she was still hired by Simon to keep an eye on us, so their relationship probably wouldn't have lasted very long. It was just the thought that things could have turned out differently if Harry had felt like continuing what they had going on that didn't sit well with me.

Other than that, things went pretty well at work. Since Harry and I had missed half a day (which Patrick wasn't pleased about), we had a lot to catch up on with our acts. It turned out Nick had helped them out while we were gone, seeing as he didn't have any acts left in the competition. He was an angel for doing that, and both Harry and I had thanked him on Wednesday morning.

"No biggie," he had replied with a faint smile on his face.

I still felt bad for him. I couldn't help it. He had really tried showing how happy he was for me and Harry, but the pain in his eyes was apparent whenever his eyes fell on us. It didn't matter that he had always been a pain in the ass to me. It was long forgotten now, especially since he had been nothing but kind these last few weeks. I just hoped he would move on soon, so things didn't have to stay this way. I knew it was affecting his and Harry's friendship as well, and I didn't want that.

Although we hadn't told anyone directly that Harry and I were dating, I could tell that a few crew members suspected it. Some of them would shoot us knowing glances when they caught us looking at each other absentmindedly. It was never intentional, which was probably why it was so obvious.

Aaliyah, the girl who had shown her infatuation with us, was one of the people who noticed it. Her gaze would linger on us for a bit too long when we were engaging with each other, and it was something in her eyes that made me feel warm inside. Hope. Excitement. Happiness. All of them combined. It made me feel accepted, knowing one of our fans was happy to see me and Harry together. It made it even more obvious that Simon had been wrong.

Since time flew by, it didn't feel long until the day of the final show arrived. I didn't know what to think about it. I was sad that this long journey was ending, which was no news. I had been feeling sad about it for a while now, but at the same time, I was also looking forward to when it was over, and we could focus on other things in life. Because the last week of the show was the most hectic one out of them all, so I was pretty sure everyone looked forward to getting a break from it all.

Besides, things were now different from how they had been when I first thought about the show ending. Back then, my future had been pretty sad. I would have gone back to living in my house alone with Clifford, might have released a few songs, and spent some time with friends now and then. That was basically what my life had looked like the last couple of years, minus the music part.

But things were different now. There wasn't an uncertainty whether Harry would be part of my life or not any longer. He would be there, and I wouldn't go back to living the same boring life I had once done. I was already sure things would be a lot better. Everything felt brighter somehow.

That was why I wasn't sad when the results were announced on Saturday night, indicating that Frankie was the winner of The X Factor 2018. I wasn't even particularly sad that my group didn't win. They had gone far, and I was sure they would get even further in the industry when it was over. They were talented and had great motivation. There was nothing really working against them.

If anything, I was happy that Frankie was the winner. Ever since the start, I was sure he would get far in the competition, and he had proved himself even more during this journey. He was very talented, and just like my group, I was sure he would get far. He would get signed the first thing that happened after the show, so this was just the beginning for this boy, just like it had been for Harry and me a few years ago.

Harry was bubbling with joy over the fact that his act had won. He ran up on stage and enveloped the teenager in his arms, giving him a tight hug, which was returned with as much eagerness from Frankie. It was amazing to see, and it warmed my heart to witness Harry being so happy. It made me happy.

Once the show was over, Patrick gathered everyone in the lounge room to have one last talk with us. It was the most emotional part of the whole evening, saying goodbye to all these fantastic people. I knew I would miss Perrie and Patrick a lot, and somehow, I knew I would miss getting remarks from Nick as well. I had already started doing so, and it was all because it was part of this journey.

Looking back on it, I realized there was nothing I regretted. If one thing never occurred, we wouldn't be where we were today. Some situations could have been replaced by better ones, but overall, it had been an amazing time.

Perrie gave me the longest and tightest hug of them all, her strong arms wrapping around my neck. "You have to promise to call me now and then, alright? I won't forgive you if you don't," she told me, tightening her grip around me. "And take care of Harry, yeah? I love to see you two so happy again. You deserve each other."

When I pulled back to look at her face, I gave her a warm smile. "Thank you, Pez. And I promise."

Nick only gave me a nod in acknowledgment, but it was more than I had expected. I hadn't expected anything. I was just happy he wasn't mad at me anymore.

He took his time to say goodbye to Harry, though. They hugged for a long time, and I was pretty sure I could see a few tears roll down Nick's cheeks while he held onto the younger man. It made my heart tighten, and I had to look away not to get emotional over it. It was sad that things had to turn out this way, that one of us had to leave this place heartbroken.

A few minutes later, we took our turns to thank Patrick. Even if we hadn't mentioned anything about our relationship to him, I was sure he knew he'd had a large impact on it, especially by the way Harry and I hugged him. He had been rooting for us since the start, making us sleep in hotel rooms next to each other and making us share the same massage room at the spa. It was pretty obvious he had done it all on purpose.

It became even more obvious when he reciprocated my hug whole-heartedly and said, "Take care of each other. What you two have is special."

That only made me tighten my arms around him. "Thank you, Patrick. For everything."

"It's been a pleasure, Louis."

Later that evening, when Harry and I got back to his house, we were so exhausted that we fell right into bed before barely getting our outdoor clothing off. It had been an exhausting day, both physically and emotionally. We had run around like maniacs to get everything ready before the show, and the show itself sucked a lot of energy as well. Not to mention saying goodbye to everyone.

Therefore, a lot of energy was required to get our clothes off, but eventually, we both got under the covers. Harry turned his back to me and made sure to press himself against my front so that I could spoon him. I leaned in to kiss his shoulder, letting my lips linger for a few seconds. In return, he placed his hand on top of mine, which was wrapped around his bare stomach.

"Goodnight, love," I whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck as well.

"Night, Lou," he replied, tightening his hold on my hand so that I was hugging him closer to my chest.

A few days later, we invited Niall and Liam over to tell them about our relationship, and well, Niall was mad. Not about the fact that we were back together, but that we had waited so long to tell him.

"I could see it from miles away last time we met that something was going on between you. Why didn't you tell me sooner? I should have been the first one you called when you came to terms with it, you fuckers!"

Both Harry and I laughed when he said this, knowing this was exactly how he would react. He had always been very supportive of our relationship, wanting to know everything appropriate about it. It was cute and also quite endearing. His caring and loving persona was one of the best things about him.

They were both happy for us, and it felt even more comfortable hanging out all four of us now that nothing was holding us back anymore. Last time, things had still been a bit shaky between me and Harry, but now it almost felt as if the last three years never happened, which was amazing.

We played some Fifa, drank some beer, talked about memories and what was happening in each other's lives. Niall was working on his second album while Liam was working on his first one. Besides that, Liam was still modeling a lot for Hugo while Niall still had a great interest in golf, going around the world to play and watch the sport.

It was a lot of fun, but I still felt as though something was missing. Or rather someone. And the feeling wouldn't go away the entire evening. I tried not to think about it, but it made me sad, and I had a feeling I wasn't the only one thinking about it.

Before the two went home, they gave me and Harry tight hugs, telling us to stay in touch with them. Deep down, I was sure there wouldn't be a time when we would stop doing so. We were each other's brothers. We always thought about each other although other people were more present in our lives these days. Nothing would ever be able to break that bond.

I thought about this with a smile as I pulled out my boxers and socks from my dresser. Another few weeks had passed since that evening, and it was now late January. The sun was starting to stay up a bit longer in the evenings, and the weather was a lot colder.

Harry and I were packing my stuff in bags and boxes at my place. We had started realizing that I wasn't spending any time at this house anymore. I merely slept at his place and spent the days over there as well. Besides, neither of us really liked this house anyway. Our home had always been over there, so we thought I might as well move in with him.

We had talked about it for a while, but it wasn't until a week ago that we made our minds up about it. Everything was going well for us. We were closer than we had ever been, and our communication was better than ever. It felt great that nothing was holding us down despite everything we had been through. All the things that had happened since our breakup had only made us even more inseparable.

We trusted each other again, didn't get jealous over small and stupid things like getting pictured talking or smiling with someone. We knew that we didn't want anyone else. We had proved it so many times that we didn't have to discuss it anymore. We knew where we had each other, and we finally worked as a team.

Back when we were teenagers, we struggled a bit with all these things. Not only because we were newly in love with each other, but because of our age and situation of being famous. Having Simon as our manager didn't help either. Harry had been jealous plenty of times when I had to go out with Eleanor, and I had been a jealous dickhead every time Harry had to date some famous artist or model publicly.

It used to get out on our relationship a lot. One of us would usually end up sleeping in one of the guest rooms those days because we were so pissed at each other. In reality, we knew it wasn't each other we were pissed at, though. We were pissed at the fact that we had to go through these things when all we wanted was to be out and happy together. We were just too stupid to realize it.

No matter what, we had gotten through it all, and every single obstacle had made our relationship stronger in the end. We got to know each other on a level some people might never do just because we were in all these situations that put our relationship to the test. We learned how the other person would react in different situations. We learned how to be there for the other in the right way when things were tough, and we learned how to work together.

Why things were different now was most likely that we were more mature and knew each other better. Our relationship wasn't put to the test the same way now either. Sure, I still had to date Eleanor publicly, and Harry would most likely still have to go through some fake relationships as well, but it didn't matter the same anymore, not when we were so sure of each other.

And I knew there would never be a time where I would doubt Harry's love for me again. It wouldn't matter if a situation like the one three years ago would come up because I knew Harry would never cheat on me. If we both had gone three years apart without being with another person, I was sure it would never happen, and it proved just how strong our love for each other was.

"Are there any shirts you want to get rid of?" Harry asked, standing in front of my closet with his back facing mine.

I turned my head to look at his figure, seeing him eye the sweatshirts hanging on the rack. "Nah, just pack them all. I'll look over them when I unpack them later."

He looked over his shoulder and smiled at me. "Okay."

My bags were scattered across the bed, Harry packing all the clothes while I kept to my underwear, the bedding and Clifford's stuff. It was easier to pack separate things, and hopefully, that would make us get done with it quicker.

Once I was finished with the drawer I was unloading, I opened the next one, sighing when I saw how many things I had filled it with. "This is going to take ages," I muttered under my breath, running a hand through my fringe.

"Tell me about it," Harry chuckled. "I didn't even know you owned these many clothes."

Rolling my eyes, I looked back at him. "We should be happy you're not the one moving then. I don't even own half as many as you do," I pointed out, making him smile, his dimples popping.

"True."

I returned his smile before turning back to focus on what I was supposed to do because I didn't want to do this the whole day. There were other things that needed to be packed as well. My clothes were just a small part of it.

We kept packing for at least fifteen minutes until I could suddenly hear Harry inhale a sharp breath of air. I looked up instantly, wondering what was going on. Unfortunately, he was still facing the closet, so I couldn't see what had caused the sound.

"What is it, love?" I asked, standing up to walk over to him.

It took a few seconds until he moved, but when he eventually turned around to face me, his face was almost impossible to read due to how many emotions flashed through his eyes. Shock. Confusion. Curiosity. Betrayal. It all went so fast that I could barely comprehend them.

"What are you-" I cut myself off when I saw what he was cupping in his hands.

The navy-blue case containing his engagement ring.

I could feel my face drain from all its color as I stared at it, the case I had barely looked at since I bought it and should have gotten rid of a long time ago. Fuck, I never expected him to find it. It had completely slipped my mind that it was under my pile of t-shirts. Fuck.

"What is this, Louis?" He asked me warily, his voice almost cracking.

I wanted to tell him that I had bought it now, when we had gotten back together, but I knew he would never believe me. He knew me well enough to know I hadn't bought an engagement ring the first thing I did when we made up. Besides, the case was dusty after all these years of being hidden. He knew it wasn't new.

Swallowing soundly, I reached out to take the case into my own hands while holding his gaze with mine. "There's... something I haven't told you," I admitted, biting the inside of my cheek. "I didn't know how you would react, so I thought it was best to keep it from you until you were ready."

He furrowed his brows in confusion, glancing down at the case. "What do you mean 'until I was ready'?"

Inhaling a deep breath, I grimaced. "That's what I was telling myself, but now I'm starting to realize I didn't tell you because I was afraid of how you would react," I admitted, looking down at the case too.

When he stayed silent, I realized that he was waiting for me to start explaining. "Okay, so um... I don't know if you remember the day I started distancing myself from you? It was back in July. We had a break from our tour," I started, glancing up at him.

"I remember," he mumbled, pain evident in his eyes.

I nodded slowly. "I was very happy that morning. We had just gotten home. You were hanging out with some friends you hadn't spent time with in a while, so I decided to take a cab downtown. I'd had this idea in my head for a while, so I thought it was the perfect opportunity. You and I were doing so well too. We had just gotten Eleanor off the contract, and everything was working our way. It felt like the perfect time." I paused to inhale another deep breath.

"So I... I went to a jewelry shop and bought an engagement ring. I planned to propose to you that evening," I explained, my face crumpling as I thought about what had made me change my mind.

I could see his features go from shocked to confused, and then realization struck like lightning as he put the puzzle pieces together. "You went to Simon that day," he stated, blinking. "Are you telling me you were going to propose to me on the same day he convinced you I would leave you?"

I looked down at the case in my hand while nodding my head. "I know this makes it even more stupid that I started distancing myself. He called me the second I had bought it and wanted me to come in. It was in the pocket of my hoodie the whole time. All my thoughts were on what your reaction would be when I proposed to you that evening, but after that meeting, I never ended up doing it. I uh... hid it on our closet," I grimaced, looking up at him cautiously.

He stayed silent for a long time, and I could tell he was trying to process everything I had just confessed. It was difficult. I could see different emotions wash over him - everything from shock and confusion to bewilderment and sadness. In the end, he shook his head while blinking his eyes. He was trying not to cry, but this was obviously hitting him hard. "I can't believe you were going to propose. Shit. We would have been married now. Hell, we would have been married for years. How could things turn out so extremely differently?"

Running a hand through my hair, I shook my head. "I don't know... I'm sorry. If it weren't for me, we would have had that now. We would have been married and maybe even had kids, who knows?" I sighed, feeling completely defeated. I wanted to dig a hole in the ground and bury myself because I knew I was the only one to blame for all this.

Harry furrowed his brows. "That's not true, Louis. You didn't do anything wrong. You just did what everyone would have done in your situation. We both know it's Simon's fault, and his fault only. If I was pissed at him before, I'm even more pissed at him now. He ruined so much for us. I didn't think it could be worse than it was, but we would have been married if it weren't for him." He shook his head in disbelief, running his hands over his face.

Sinking my teeth into my lip, I nodded. Then I stepped forward to wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him close to my frame. "I wish things were different. I wish I had never walked into his office that afternoon. I wish I had gone straight back home and proposed to you. And for that, I'm sorry for what I did. I hope I can make it up to you one day," I mumbled against his neck, breathing in his sweet scent that I loved so incredibly much.

He reciprocated the hug whole-heartedly, winding his arms around my neck and pulling me even closer. His nose graced my ear as he leaned in to kiss me under my earlobe. "Can I see the ring?" He asked hopefully, pulling back to study my face.

I could feel my eyes widening as I stared at him. "You want... to see it?" I repeated incredulously.

A beautiful smile spread on his lips, making his dimples pop. "I'd love to."

Swallowing, I unwrapped my arms from him to look at the navy-blue case I was still holding. My stomach erupted with nerves just thinking about him seeing it. It had become so personal to me over the years I had hidden it away from everyone, even myself. How would I be able to show it to the man I had once planned to give it to?

Hesitantly, I opened the lid with my other hand, seeing how the silver rose came into view. The sight made my stomach turn, memories of the day I bought it flooding back. This was even harder than I expected it to be.

I could hear Harry inhale a sharp breath of air as his eyes landed on the ring, his eyes widening in surprise and amazement. "It's a rose," he breathed.

"Yeah," I managed to say. "I thought it was convenient."

He didn't ask when he reached out to take it between his fingers, bringing it close to his eyes so that he could examine every detail about it. "It's beautiful," he commented, the smile never leaving his face.

My heart was pounding in my chest, and it didn't slow down when I watched him hold the ring in his hand, the hand it was supposed to be adorning. "It's all yours," I found myself saying, instantly regretting it afterward, especially when he snapped his eyes up to me, looking even more shocked than before. "I mean uh... I told myself I would get rid of it since, you know, the proposal never happened and we broke up, but I couldn't. It's always been yours, and the thought of giving it to someone else would never even cross my mind."

He raised his brows at me. "You thought of proposing to someone else with the same ring?"

I shook my head, letting out a dry laugh. "I just told you the thought would never cross my mind. The ring is a representation of our complimentary tattoos. It's yours or no one's," I explained, meeting his eyes. "I would never have proposed to anyone else anyway. You know that."

A hint of a smile formed on his lips as he nodded. His eyes fell on the ring again, and what happened next took me completely by surprise.

He slid it onto his left ring finger.

The action made my heart tighten in my chest, and I didn't know how to react. I could feel goosebumps appear on my skin as I stared at his hand in bewilderment. It didn't help that it fit like a puzzle piece.

"When's the wedding?"

If it weren't for the bright, genuine smile that spread on his lips when he looked up at me, I would have thought he was joking. But he looked completely earnest, his eyes searching my face for an answer. Yet, I couldn't believe what he had just said. "You're joking with me."

He shrugged, trying to fight a smile while looking away from me. "I would have said yes."

I could feel my throat clog as I stared at him in astonishment. He must be kidding. There was no way he was being serious about this. "Harry, I swear to God, if you're joking with me... I don't know if I can handle it," I warned, keeping my eyes on his face.

He turned to meet my gaze. "You know I wouldn't joke about something like this," he said, tilting his head to the side due to my reaction. "What? Are you trying to say you don't want to marry me anymore?" He asked, raising his brows challengingly. He knew very well that I would have married him the night we got back together if I could.

I ran a hand through my hair, shaking my head in disbelief. How the fuck did we get in this situation? "Shit. Are you being serious? Right now? What about taking things slow?"

Another smile formed on his lips, his green eyes glowing from the lights in the room. "We've waited long enough, don't you think?"

"Jesus," I breathed out heavily, my heart still pounding in my chest. "Okay, but if we're doing this, let me at least do it properly."

He looked at me in confusion when I extended the open case to him. Then it seemed to click what I was thinking, and he quickly slid the ring off his finger. I could almost see a pout form on his lips as he did this, clearly not wanting to take it off.

Once he had placed the ring back in its case, I closed the lid and inhaled a large breath. Fuck, we were really doing this. I never pictured our proposal like this. It had always been way more cliché and fancy in my head, but if this was what he wanted, then so be it.

Standing by the end of my bed with clothes scattered all over the place, wearing a pair of black Adidas track pants and a white t-shirt, I slowly got down on one knee in front of him. Thankfully, he was wearing a pair of joggers and his black Columbia hoddie himself, so I didn't feel too underdressed despite the circumstances.

Harry's entire face lit up when he saw me kneeling before him, his dimples on full show and his eyes shining blissfully. He looked like a kid who had just gotten their biggest wish fulfilled, and he was so beautiful that all I wanted was to get this over with so that I could kiss him.

Clearing my throat, I tried to get my heartbeat to slow down. "This feels so awkward. Good thing I only have to do it once in my life," I grimaced, making Harry chuckle.

"Just get on with it then," he encouraged, waiting patiently for me to pop the question.

Rolling my eyes, I tried to pull myself together. "Okay, so since this isn't the cliché proposal I imagined it would be, I'll keep it short. I didn't exactly prepare for it either. But... ever since I first laid eyes on you in that bathroom nine years ago, I've been head over heels for you. You stole my heart the first thing you did, yet I've never once wanted it back. You're all I've ever wanted, all I've ever felt I needed. And if you would do me the extraordinary honor of marrying me, I'd be the happiest and luckiest man on earth. I love you so much, Harry."

Opening the lid, I revealed the ring to him again, and the look on his face was something I would take with me until the day I died. He was glowing, even more than he had done a few moments ago. I had never seen him look so content and pleased before, and knowing I was the lucky person who had caused it made my stomach flip in pride.

"I love you too, so much. Yes! Of course I'll marry you, you idiot. Took you long enough."

A laugh escaped my lips as I stood up to grab his face in my hands, pressing a hard, wet kiss to his lips. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," I repeated against his mouth while he chuckled lovingly.

"I want the ring, Lou," he whined when I kept placing kisses on his lips.

Despite my hurry to get up and kiss him, I had managed to place the case on my bed, so I quickly grabbed it to make sure the ring was still there. It was.

"Sorry," I apologized, smiling gently. "You distracted me."

He continued chuckling but observed me carefully when I took the ring between my fingers and slipped it onto his ring finger once again. It looked incredibly beautiful on him, just like I knew it would when I bought it four years ago.

I didn't hesitate to bring his hand up to kiss his knuckles, lingering longer on his ring finger. "You just made me the happiest man in the world."

He took a step forward, wrapping his arms around my waist as I let go of his hand. His lips were stretched into yet another smile, still bright with joy. "I'm not so sure about that. I'm pretty sure I'm the happiest man in the world right now," he objected.

"Always such a sap, aren't you?" I chuckled, reaching up to thread my fingers in the curls at the back of his neck.

"Only with you, babe."

My smile grew bigger as I leaned in closer to his face, our noses now only a few inches apart. "From now on, you're only allowed to call me your fiancé."

He gave my hips a meaningful squeeze. "Until you're my husband."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Until I'm your husband."

Chapter Text

"Do you think he'll come?"

Liam adjusted the tie around my collar, his lips pressed tightly together. He was dressed in a navy blue suit with a matching fly adorning his collar and a white dress shirt underneath his buttoned blazer. He had styled his short brown hair into a quiff, using a bit more gel than usual, but it made him look great.

"I don't know, Louis. We'll see."

Letting out a sigh, I turned to look at myself in the mirror, almost not recognizing myself. I could barely remember the last time I had been this dressed up. It was on very rare occasions, but today was a special day, probably the most special day of my life.

My hair had grown a lot since I cut it last year, looking almost like it did back in 2016, but since I didn't want to have the same hairstyle I had every other day, I had styled it into a quiff just like Liam. I secretly knew Harry liked it when it was styled this way better too.

"You ready?" Liam asked, smiling at me through the mirror.

I was wearing a traditional black suit with a white dress shirt and a black tie. Even though I hadn't seen Harry's outfit, I knew he would be wearing a less formal one. He loved fashion and dressing up, especially for special occasions. There was no way he wouldn't take this opportunity and make the best of it.

"I don't know," I told him honestly. "I mean, of course I'm ready, but I'm nervous as fuck."

Ever since I woke up this morning, I'd had a bundle of nerves in my stomach. I had barely been able to eat, the food only coming back up my throat again.

Liam looked surprised by this. "What are you nervous about? It's Harry we're talking about."

Letting out a sigh, I ran my hands over my face. "It's not that. I just... there are going to be so many people and-"

"You've performed in front of thousands of people, Louis. How is this making you nervous and that didn't?" He asked, cutting me off.

"Because," I said, throwing my arms out. "These are people I will recognize. That's like a whole different thing. Besides, I haven't performed in front of anyone in four years, Liam. Did you forget about that?"

He rolled his eyes, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You'll be fine. Just focus on Harry, alright? That's basically the only thing you have to do," he reassured me.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "I know."

Liam started leading me out of the room, towards the front door, and the closer we got to it, the clammier I could feel my hands getting. Liam was right, though. There was no need to be so nervous.

"Look at you, my handsome brother."

Lottie walked out of the kitchen and joined me and Liam in the hallway with her hands on her hips. She was dressed in a light pink off-shoulder dress with soft ruffles, and her hair was set up with a clip, her long, blonde curls falling down her shoulders. She looked beautiful. She always did. And maybe I liked the dress a little bit more because Harry had chosen it.

"What are you even doing here, Lots?" I asked, furrowing my brows. She was supposed to be waiting outside with everyone else.

"That's definitely the last time I call you handsome. Damn," she huffed, rolling her eyes. "Someone had to make sure you and Harry didn't leave the rooms simultaneously. You're not supposed to see each other until you're about to walk to the altar together."

"Thank you," I said pointedly. "Do people still care about those kinds of things these days? Does it really matter if I see him before that?"

She looked at me as if I had said the most ridiculous thing in years. "Of course it matters. It would ruin the whole thing if you saw each other before the ceremony. The moment you catch each other's eyes wouldn't be the same otherwise."

Okay, maybe she was right. It wouldn't be the same. But I knew things would be a lot easier if he were here to calm my nerves right now.

"So, have he and Niall left yet?" I asked, looking at her curiously.

She raised her brows at me. "Do you think I will tell you that? That would ruin part of it all as well," she pointed out, making me sigh.

"Thanks for... absolutely nothing, Lots. I really appreciate it," I snorted, rolling my eyes.

Liam decided to interfere then, squeezing my shoulder. "I'm sorry to interrupt you, guys. It's lovely to meet you, Lottie, but people are waiting outside. We should get going."

"Yeah, yeah, of course. I'll be out there in a few. Don't start without me," she insisted, giving me a quick hug. "You'll do great, Louis. Don't worry about it."

I opened my mouth to ask her how she knew I was nervous, but then I remembered that she could read me like an open book. "I'll try my best," I grimaced, wrapping my arms around her before letting myself be led outside.

It was late July, the sun standing high up in the sky with no clouds in sight. We couldn't have been luckier with the weather. It made the whole thing even more perfect than it already was, the giddy feeling growing bigger in my chest. I knew it would have been perfect even if the weather was shitty, though.

Liam led me to my and Harry's garden, where people were scattered on the white benches placed there. The whole garden had been decorated with different kinds of flowers, mainly different colors of roses, some of them adorning the backrests of the benches in long, tied strings. The aisle between the benches leading up to the small altar (built for this special occasion) was decorated with flowers and green leaves.

It felt as though I had just entered a dream where only bright and happy things existed, and the nervousness instantly started subsiding, a feeling of peacefulness taking over instead. The only thing keeping me from being completely relaxed was that Harry wasn't here yet.

Everyone was thankfully facing away from me and Liam, their attention on each other and the altar where the priest was going through his manuscript. Inhaling a deep breath, I turned to Liam, who was already smiling at me. "I can't believe this day is finally here. It feels like we've been waiting for this since you and Harry told us you were dating," he said in awe.

I let out a nervous laugh, looking down at the green grass. "Yeah, I guess it's been a long time coming."

Liam nodded. "I'm so glad you got back together. I've honestly never seen either of you happier than when you're with each other," he continued, squeezing my shoulder again. "It's amazing to see how strong your love is. I wish I had what you two have."

I opened my mouth to tell him that he had that with Maya, but he beat me to it. "It's not the same thing, Louis. You and Harry have known each other for so long. You have a past that's made your love so strong, and you have a story. I wish I had that. I love Maya, but what we have is nowhere near you two," he explained, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip.

Letting my gaze wander over the crowd of people, I could see Maya's brown hair set up in a bun in one of the front rows. "You'll get there, Liam. Besides, you shouldn't be too envious of my and Harry's relationship. We've had our bumps along the road, which we aren't proud of. Sure, they have made us stronger, but things would have been easier if we had just skipped some of them, you know?"

Liam's lips twitched. "Yeah, but it's still amazing to see how far you've come. No matter what you've been through, you're still here, standing by each other's side in the end."

He was right, and the fact made my heart flutter. After everything Harry and I had gone through, we were still here today, about to get married after knowing each other for nine years. It was almost unbelievable. But it was happening, even though I once thought I had lost my chance.

"Thank you, Liam," I said, reaching up to squeeze his hand on my shoulder. "For always being there for me and believing in us. I'm glad you and Niall have always been there to support us."

"Anytime, Louis," he smiled, his gaze falling onto something over my shoulder.

I turned around quickly, my mouth dropping at the sight in front of me. Harry and Niall were walking towards us, coming from the same direction we did only a few minutes ago. Niall was wearing the same suit as Liam, his brown hair elegantly styled to the side. But even though he looked handsome, he wasn't the person my eyes and mind focused on. Next to him, Harry was walking dressed in a black jumpsuit, his legs and lower torso covered in black while his chest and arms were of a transparent fabric, which let his tattoos be on full display. A lace fabric covered the front of his chest, so his swallows weren't visible, but it made the outfit look even more exclusive.

As if that wasn't enough, he had an earring in his right ear and black-painted nails, his rose ring on his left ring finger accompanied by the peace ring and a few more. He looked breathtakingly beautiful.

I found myself unable to take my eyes off him as they eventually stopped in front of us, Harry's eyes taking in my appearance as well. I was pretty sure I was gawking at this point, not being able to contain myself. I knew he would move in wide circles, choosing a bold outfit, but this was more than I could have ever imagined, and I loved everything about it.

Through the corner of my eye, I could see Liam and Niall talking, but I couldn't make out a word they said. All of my senses were focused on one thing and one thing only. And it seemed as though I wasn't the only one struggling with this, if the intense look I was receiving from the man in front of me was anything to go by.

I wanted to run my hands through his long curls because somehow, they looked even more luscious today than any other day, the sunbeams making them shine beautifully. I wanted to pull him close and never let go, just have him near me forever. Thinking about the fact that he was all mine, no one else's, and would be for the rest of our lives made my heart race.

"I can't wait to marry you," I whispered, reaching out to take his hand in mine while keeping my eyes locked with his.

His lips spread into a dimpled smile as he squeezed my hand. "Me neither. You look amazing," he replied, and I wanted to snort at him, tell him that I looked nothing compared to him, but I decided against it.

"Thank you. I have no idea where you managed to find your outfit, but it's like it's made for you. You look beautiful. You're always beautiful."

Sometime in the midst of Harry and Niall showing up, I had forgotten that Liam still had his hand on my shoulder, so I almost squeaked when he squeezed it gently. "Alright, guys, we'll let you manage on your own from here. See you at the altar," he informed before walking over to the benches, taking a seat in the front.

I realized I had also forgotten that I had been nervous before Harry showed up, but when I looked over at the people scattered in front of us, I could feel a knot form in my stomach.

"Hey, don't worry, Lou. Just focus on me, okay?"

Turning to face the beautiful creature next to me, I could feel myself smile as I nodded. "Are you ready?"

He cracked a smile. "I was ready to marry you when I first met you."

I laced our hands together with a grin, my fingers slotting easily between his. "Let's do this then," I said, exhaling a deep breath.

He squeezed my hand in reassurance before we started walking the aisle to the altar where the priest was waiting, music playing from the speakers. He was the only one acknowledging us at first, his lips curled at the sight before him. It didn't take too long until all one hundred guests turned their heads to us, curiosity and excitement showing on their faces.

I could feel myself swallowing due to their stares, so I tried focusing on the priest, squeezing Harry's hand tightly. It felt like the walk to the altar took longer than it was supposed to, but eventually, we stopped in front of the priest, who nodded to each of us before turning his attention to the guests, the music dying down.

"Welcome family, friends and loved ones. We are gathered today to celebrate the union of Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson. We are all here to support this commitment of love and to share the joy of Harry and Louis as they choose to spend their lives together."

After that, everything was pretty much a blur of words. All I could focus on was Harry's hand in mine while my eyes were settled on the side of his face. His lips were curled into a soft smile, his gaze fixed on the man in front of him. I could tell he could feel me looking at him, though, because his lips twitched the second I turned to him.

I had no idea how long I kept my gaze on him, completely zoned out until I heard the priest say the words I had been waiting to hear since I started walking to the altar.

"Now, Harry and Louis, please join hands and face each other."

Harry and I reached out the hands that weren't already locked simultaneously, lacing them together as well. The smiles widened on our lips as we faced each other, excitement clear on his features.

"Harry, please repeat after me," the priest said.

Harry didn't look away from me for a second as he nodded in confirmation. Again, I found myself only being able to focus on him, his voice and his face, the priest's words so far away that I barely heard him.

"I, Harry Styles, take you, Louis Tomlinson, as you are. I promise from this day forward to love and treasure you for the rest of my life, to be your rock when things get tough, to be your number one fan in all of your accomplishments, to be grateful for all that you are and for choosing to spend the rest of your journey with me, to be patient and kind, to build a safe and loving home with you, to fill your days with laughter, to inspire you to pursue your dreams, to be faithful, to grow old with you and live a fulfilled life. This I promise you."

His smile grew wider with each sentence he spoke, and I could feel my eyes prick with tears. There were so many emotions that washed over me at that moment that I could barely restrain myself from pulling him into my arms and kissing him already.

"Louis, please repeat after me."

I said the same thing Harry had just done, and I could feel myself brightening up more with every word that escaped my lips while his face grew fonder and fonder.

When we both had made our vows, the priest continued, "Your rings represent this promise to one another. The never-ending circle is a symbol of an infinite, unbreakable love."

He motioned for us to exchange the rings Liam and Niall had handed us before we got here, and I could feel myself shaking as I fished the ring from the inner pocket of my blazer, my heart beating frantically in my chest. I noticed that Harry was shaking too when he reached out to me, indicating to place my hand in his, and it somehow calmed me that I wasn't the only one being affected by the situation.

He carefully slipped the ring onto my left ring finger before turning my hand around to kiss the inside of my wrist. My heart fluttered at the gesture and knowing that our friends and families were watching our every move didn't make it better. So when it was my turn to slip my ring on his finger, I was afraid I would drop it in the process.

Luckily, I didn't.

"Having pledged your love and promise to one another today in front of all of your friends and family and by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husbands. You may now share your first kiss as a married couple."

I didn't waste a second to take a step forward and tilt my chin up to meet Harry halfway. Our lips connected, sliding together gently yet passionately. I wanted to continue kissing him for minutes, hours, days, but people were still watching us, and they were expecting us to separate.

Before we parted, I sucked his bottom lip between my lips, prolonging the kiss just a little but still not long enough. We fluttered our eyes open to gaze at each other, blissful smiles playing on our lips.

"Congratulations, Mr. and Mr. Tomlinson-Styles."

It wasn't until then we first turned to everyone watching us, and I could feel a knot form in my stomach. It slowly started disappearing when my eyes fell on my family, though. Lottie had found her seat eventually, and she was accompanied by Fizzy, both sets of twins, Mark, Dan, grandma and grandpa. They were sitting on the bench behind Harry's family.

I couldn't help but smile at the sight, seeing them all gathered. But the smile faded when I realized that two people were missing. Anne was sitting alone, and so was Dan. Robin wasn't there, and neither was my mum.

The realization made my heart clench. I knew how much she would have wanted to be here today. Ever since I was a kid, we had talked about the day I was going to get married, how she would be the first person to come up and hug me once the ceremony was over, how she would be so proud of me no matter whom I chose to marry. And I knew she would have loved to see me marry Harry. She loved him and had always treated him like her own son. I was sure today would have been one of the best days of her life as much as it was mine and Harry's.

Mentally shaking the thoughts out of my head, I let my gaze wander to the benches on the other side, seeing my and Harry's closest friends. Roman, Ed, Eleanor and James were there, and my and Harry's childhood friends too, all gathered together. Perrie was there, and even Nick was present, looking unexpectedly happy. Harry had told me he had started dating a guy a few weeks ago, but I still wasn't expecting him to be this supportive of our relationship yet.

Niall and Liam were sitting on one of the benches in the front with their partners, but they weren't alone. A man was sitting next to them, dressed in the same navy blue suit as the other two, his black hair swept back in a hairstyle only he could pull off. His eyes were already set on me and Harry, and the second we made eye contact, my heart exploded in my chest.

No fucking way.

"Oh, God," I breathed, catching Harry's attention. He followed my gaze only to freeze beside me, his hand going limp in mine.

He actually came. That bastard actually came when both Harry and I needed him to be there for us the most. I could barely believe it, and I had to blink several times to make sure that he was sitting there, smiling softly at us.

Harry and I eventually left the altar and walked back down the aisle, away from the priest. We were facing the audience this time, and for some reason, the nervousness wasn't there anymore. I even found myself smiling at everyone I made eye contact with while keeping my hand locked with Harry's the entire time.

It didn't take long until people started leaving their seats to come over and congratulate us. It was a good thing that our garden was big. Otherwise, I wasn't sure if we would be able to arrange the wedding here, but now everyone fit perfectly even when they weren't sitting on the benches.

Since our friends were closest to the back, they were the first to come over. They hugged us both and told us how happy they were for our marriage. I hadn't met some of them in ages, especially Harry's friends, so it was nice to catch up with them.

However, I could feel myself itching to talk to one person specifically, and I found myself looking around to catch sight of him. Many people were now scattered around us, so it wasn't easy, but I eventually found his familiar black hair in the mass, and I didn't hesitate to tug at Harry's hand to pull him with me towards the man.

Harry seemed to catch up on what was going on pretty quickly, especially when he caught sight of the man himself, so it wasn't hard to make him tag along. As soon as we were close enough, we caught his attention and a smile spread on his lips, Niall and Liam standing right next to him.

Even if it had been years since I last saw him, I didn't think twice before throwing myself into his arms, wrapping my limbs around his neck. "I can't believe you actually came," I gasped into Zayn's ear, making him chuckle.

It was relieving that he didn't seem to be holding a grudge for what happened last time we saw each other, as I was afraid he would. "Of course I did. I couldn't miss two of my best friends getting married, could I?"

I pulled out of our hug to smile at him, my lips twitching brightly. Harry took a step forward to pull Zayn into a tight hug as well, and I could see them exchanging a few words with each other. Once they parted, Zayn looked between me and Harry with a knowing smile on his lips. "So, how does it feel to be married?"

Harry and I instantly turned to grin at each other, our eyes glowing with love and adoration.

"They're still just as sickeningly in love with each other as they've always been," Niall butted in, taking a step forward to throw an arm around Zayn's shoulder.

"Doesn't surprise me," he chuckled in reply. "I'm more surprised that it's taken them this long to get here."

I rolled my eyes at his words. He didn't know what had happened between me and Harry the last couple of years, but I didn't want to focus on that. Instead, I leaned in to press a kiss on Harry's cheek before turning to our friends. "Good things come to those who wait," I said, wrapping an arm around his waist.

Liam sent me a knowing smile, which I responded with one of my own. "And by the way, it feels amazing to be married. You should try it," I told Zayn, sending him a wink.

He snorted out a laugh, shaking his head in amusement. "You haven't changed at all. I've fucking missed you."

"Shouldn't have left without saying a word, eh?" I said teasingly, raising my brows at him.

It was meant as a joke, but he seemed to take it seriously, judging from the way he pulled his eyebrows together. You could tell he had thought of this many times over the last few years. "About that... I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have left like that. I was just desperate to get away, and I didn't really think of anything else. I know I hurt all of you by leaving without a word, and it wasn't my intention. I understand why you didn't try to contact me. I honestly thought I had ruined our friendship. That's why I never tried getting in touch with you either, so when I found your wedding invitation in my mailbox, I was pleasantly surprised. I'm so glad you decided to invite me after everything," he grimaced.

"Of course we invited you," Harry said. "You're one of our best friends no matter what happened that night. It's long forgotten. We're just happy you decided to come."

I nodded in agreement. "Harry's right. For months, I've been telling myself that I should contact you because of how much I've missed you, but I never really got around doing it. Therefore, we saw this as the perfect opportunity to make things right between us. I forgave you a long time ago, and I hope you've forgiven me for being a dick too."

"Of course," Zayn smiled. "I was never pissed at you in the first place. In all honesty, it's been the opposite. I've missed you all so much. You have no idea how much it means to me being here with you guys today."

Niall tilted his head to the smile while Liam let out a loud 'aw' and spread his arms out. "Come on, guys, let's hug. It's been way too long. I think we all need it," he implied.

Neither of us hesitated to take a step forward and wrap our arms around each other in a group hug. My arm was still around Harry's waist, and his instantly found its way around my shoulders, pulling me close to him while Liam's arm found its way to my waist. I could feel my face squash between Harry's shoulder and Zayn's head, and for a second, I almost thought I would run out of breath due to how tight the hug was.

It felt amazing, though. It felt as though we had suddenly gone back in time and just received a music award together. I missed these hugs so much. It felt safe somehow, as if I had just reunited with my family. Which was true. These guys were my family, and knowing we were united again after four years felt incredible.

I wanted to make a promise that whatever happened to us in the future, nothing would get to come between us again because we were meant to stick together.

A sudden flash of light made us depart from each other. I turned around to see Perrie standing with her phone directed at us, a bright smile on her lips. "Don't worry. I'll send the picture to you, I promise."

My lips twitched at her words. "You'd better."

The smile remained on her lips. "I thought since it's been a while since you all saw each other, you might want the memory to stay forever. You're welcome."

"Thank you, Pez," Harry said. "You're an angel."

"Don't forget to send the picture to me," Zayn butted in, sending his ex a knowing smile.

She snorted. "You're lucky I still have your number, jackass."

He let out a chuckle, cheekiness appearing on his features. "I've missed you too."

She just rolled her eyes before flicking her gaze between the remaining four of us. "Take care of that man, guys. He'll certainly need it. It seems to me he hit his head somewhere on his way here to England."

We all laughed at her words, and I could see that even Zayn's lips twitched. She then walked over to give me and Harry a tight hug.

"Congrats on getting married, by the way. I've never been so excited seeing two people get married before. You really deserve each other," she said, pulling away to look at us.

I sent her a smile. "Thank you, Pez. We're glad you could come," I replied, and Harry nodded in agreement.

"Of course," she grinned. "I wouldn't miss it for the world. What you've done to this place is amazing as well. You've turned the garden into a beautiful fairy tale."

Her gaze darted around the place in awe until it settled on us again. "However, I know there are plenty of other people waiting to congratulate you too, so I won't keep you. It was nice talking to you, guys."

We barely had time to reply before she patted us on the shoulders and scurried away. As if on cue, we were accompanied by our families, and it made me wonder if she had seen them coming and left us just because of that.

No matter what, I was soon pulled into another conversation with Harry and our families, every one of them coming over to give us a hug. Anne lingered a bit, keeping her arms wrapped around my body. "Thank you for coming back into his life, Louis. I don't know what would have happened if you didn't. He was so lost I barely recognized him anymore. You have no idea how happy it makes me to see him so blissful and content again, and the same goes for you. I'm so pleased you found your way back to each other."

Her words warmed my heart, and I couldn't help but tighten my arms around her. "Thank you so much, Anne."

She let go after a while, sending me a warm smile before letting Lottie take her place. She hugged me close to her body, her blonde hair almost getting into my face. "I'm so proud of you, Lou," she mumbled against my shoulder. "You did amazing. I have no idea why you were so nervous at the start. And I know mum would have been so proud of you too."

She pulled back to look at my face, her lips turned into a bittersweet smile. "You're actually married, can you believe that? All those years of me trying to get you to talk to Harry because I saw how miserable you were without him, and now you're fucking married. I honestly feel like a proud mum."

A light chuckle escaped my lips. "You did kind of take care of me there for a while, so I don't blame you. But I'm happy now, really happy. I'm glad you had faith in my and Harry's relationship when I didn't have it myself. Thank you for always being there, Lots," I said, reaching out to give her hand a squeeze.

"That's what siblings are for, isn't it?" She smiled, squeezing back.

"True," I replied, enveloping her in another tight hug.

Gemma also came over to congratulate me and Harry. She talked to us both at the same time, and I felt happy knowing she was part of my family again. She and Harry had the same humor, and their relationship had always been amazing, so seeing them talk and team up with each other warmed my heart. She had also always accepted me as Harry's partner, which only added to my liking for her.

Somewhere in between all the greetings, I realized that Zayn, Liam and Niall had scurried off somewhere. I didn't know where they were but knowing they were here with everyone else I loved made me feel pleased. I felt content, as if there was no better place to be in the world but here.

And I was sure there wasn't.

Because a place where you were surrounded by everyone you loved was the best place you could ever be.

-----

A few hours later, after the food had been served, people had held their speeches, and the cake had been eaten, we were all dancing in the garden. The sun had started going down, but it was still pretty bright outside. The white benches had been pushed aside just enough for everyone to fit. The wooden deck next to the side of our house had been made into a stage where our red-headed friend was now standing in front of the microphone with his guitar.

Harry and I were in the middle of the crowd of people, my arms around his waist, his around my neck while we were looking into each other's eyes. Soft smiles played on our lips, love and fondness written across our features. No words needed to be said; being close and touching like this was enough.

"I'd like to congratulate the newlyweds," Ed said into the microphone, catching everyone's attention. "I've been witnessing these boys' love for each other for almost eight years now, and I'm incredibly happy to be able to share this moment with you today. I'm sure a beautiful future lies ahead of you." He paused to send us a smile.

"Now, I'm going to sing a song that the grooms have asked me to play for them on this special day. This is Perfect."

The man sitting by the keyboard on the stage started playing, the familiar tune filling the air. Ed sent us another smile and a thumbs-up before he began to sing. "I found a love for me. Oh, darling just dive right in and follow my lead. Well, I found a boy, beautiful and sweet. Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me..."

"'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was. I will not give you up this time. But darling, just kiss me slow. Your heart is all I own. And in your eyes, you're holding mine. Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song. When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath, but you heard it. Darling, you look perfect tonight."

My eyes were locked on Harry's again, and his on mine. It was as though time stood still and we were the only people existing. He was all I could see, all I could feel, all I could hear apart from the music lingering in the background. It felt special, magical even, as if a spell had been cast on us. If I could, I would stay like this with him forever.

"...We are still kids, but we're so in love, fighting against all odds. I know we'll be alright this time. Be my love, I'll be your man. I see my future in your eyes..."

I took a step closer to hug him tighter to my body, burying my face in the crook of his neck. My lips lingered against his bare skin, feeling cold against his warm neck. "I can't believe you're all mine," I whispered, slightly muffled.

"I've always been yours," he breathed, tightening his arms around my neck while leaning into my touch.

I pulled back to smile at him, our faces mere inches apart. "My husband."

His lips twitched brightly. "Your husband," he confirmed.

Leaning in to brush my lips against his, I nudged his nose with mine. He tilted his chin up to meet me, but I moved away right before our lips would touch. He let out a whine, gripping my neck. "Lou," he complained.

I let out a chuckle, leaning in to nudge my lips against his briefly. "Okay?" I asked, pulling back to look at him.

He sent me a displeased look. "Just kiss me, you bloody fool."

This time, I didn't even think about pulling away when I pressed my lips against his. I let them linger and passionately move with his, his fingers dancing over the skin at the back of my neck as I locked my arms around his waist securely, pulling him closer.

A random thought hit me when we eventually pulled away a minute later, gazing into each other's eyes. "I still can't believe you tried to make me believe you'd started smoking."

Amusement flashed through his eyes, a chuckle escaping his lips. "I still can't believe you thought Nick and I were dating," he fired back, making my lips curl involuntarily.

"I can't believe you got a boner while we were getting massages in Leeds," I continued, and this time I could barely hold back my laughter.

Meanwhile, he sputtered out a laugh at my accusation. "That's not even true!"

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Not true? Harry, that was the first time you said my name in two years, and you sounded like you wanted to strangle me."

He opened his mouth to defend himself but closed it again. "Well, I can't believe you thought I would poison you with painkillers when you were hungover," he challenged instead, taking me by surprise.

"How do you even know about that?" I asked, but it didn't take long for me to realize it. "Perrie told you, didn't she?"

"Maybe," he smirked, making me shake my head.

"Traitor."

I then thought about another memory that I hadn't let go of since it happened. "I can't believe you sang at the top of your lungs in the shower just to spite me."

His lips curled before bringing me closer by the grip on my neck, hooking his chin over my shoulder while hugging me. He then pressed a kiss to the fabric of my blazer. "I can't believe you thought I could ever be with anyone but you."

His words made my breath hitch, and I could feel my arms tightening around him as I burrowed my nose into his neck. "I can't believe you thought I could ever be with anyone but you," I said into his ear, seeing how he visibly shivered at the feeling of my breath hitting his skin.

He pulled back to flash me a wide grin, his dimples on full show. "I love you."

"I love you too," I replied, leaning in to press a deep kiss to his soft lips.

"The next song that will be played has been chosen specifically by one of the grooms. It is also the first time it has ever been played. Enjoy," Ed announced, making my heart flip in my chest.

Shit, I had almost forgotten about that.

Ed left the stage, and let a familiar tune start playing through the speakers instead. Judging by the confused look that crossed Harry's features, he understood that I was the groom Ed was talking about.

"We were too young to know we had everything. Too young, I wish I could have seen it all along. I'm sorry that I hurt you, darling. No, oh, we were too young."

His eyes widened in realization as he heard my voice through the speakers, his mouth dropping.

Even though I had finished writing this song a long time ago now, Harry hadn't heard it yet. He hadn't heard any of the songs I had written since he came back into my life, but he had been asking me, begging me frequently to let him hear at least one of them for months now. The only reason I had been keeping them to myself was that I wanted it to be special, and letting him hear the one song that meant the most to me at our wedding felt like the perfect occasion.

"I've been looking back a lot lately. Me and you is all I've ever known. It's hard to think you could ever hate me, but everything's feeling different now."

Harry still looked shocked, but it slowly started getting replaced by a wave of emotions. I could see his eyes well up with tears as he looked at me as if I had just gifted him the most amazing thing in the world. It made tears pool in my own eyes.

"Oh, I can't believe I gave in to the pressure when they said a love like this would never last. So I cut you off 'cause I didn't know no better. Now I realize, yeah, I realize... We were too young to know we had everything. Too young, I wish I could have seen it all along. I'm sorry that I hurt you, darling. No, oh, we were too young."

A sad but sweet smile was now playing on his lips, his eyes twinkling from the faint sunbeams. "It's so... spot on. I can't believe you... I can't believe you wrote this. It's beautiful," he breathed, taking a step closer to brush his nose against mine. "Thank you."

I reached up to curl my fingers into his dark hair, a lazy smile forming on my lips. "I wanted it to be special. This song means a lot to me because it describes pretty much everything we went through, and I thought playing it today was the perfect moment for you to finally hear it."

He sent me a teary smile. "You chose the right moment indeed. It's perfect," he assured me, closing his eyes and letting himself drown in the song still playing through the speakers.

"It's been two years since I've seen your face. I'm tryna find some better words to say before I let this moment slip away 'cause now I realize..."

"Happy wedding day," I whispered.

He fluttered his eyes open, his lashes tickling my cheeks as his lips twitched. "Let it be our first but far from our very last."

To seal the promise together, he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine in a sweet and loving kiss, connecting us in more ways than only our bodies because I knew our feelings for each other would forever stay the same.

"We were too young, ooh, ah... We were too young."

The End.