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Chapter Text

Ruiqi stepped off of the bus and inhaled deeply. This was nothing new, she reminded herself- just another in a long, long series of waiting for her debut. With the new restrictions on K-pop in China, she feared that this would be her last shot.

She approached the table with their uniforms, information, and rooming assignments with a tense expression hidden beneath the mask. “Name?” the staffperson asked in Korean, looking at her and smiling gently.

”Su Ruiqi,” she responded as loudly as she could. The staff looked down her list before landing Ruiqi.

“Ah, I see. You’re competing for C-Group?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“You’ll be in building three to start, which is the farthest down the main pathway. Building five is strictly off limits, as it’s being reserved in case of emergency quarantine.” Ruiqi shuddered at that. Emergency quarantine sounded like hell after the two weeks she had just suffered alone in the hotel. “The dining hall is in the main building, as are the large practice rooms. Each dorm building has a small handful of small practice rooms as well. Everything else should be in your packet. Any questions?” Even if she had any, she wouldn’t have been able to articulate them in the foreign language- she only understood half of what that woman was saying anyways.

“No, ma’am.”

“Alright, you’ll be on your way then. Next!” Ruiqi grabbed her papers and walked away.

When she stepped outside, she noticed a circle with five pathways coming off of it. They said that her dorm was off the ‘main pathway-’ which pathway was it?

“What building are you looking for?” Ruiqi spun to find a taller girl with short blonde hair standing behind her.

“Oh, um, 3.”

“Me too. I think it’s this way,” the blonde girl said while starting to walk away. After standing confused for a moment, Ruiqi hurried to catch up with her. “What’s your name?”

“Su Ruiqi. Yours?”

“Ah, C-Group?” The blonde asked, switching to Chinese suddenly.

“Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one. Yeah, C-Group. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“Wen Zhe. Or Shirley if you prefer. You got an English name?”

“Not really. Some people call me Sury, but I don’t think that’s much of a proper English name,” she replied, feeling far more relaxed now that she could actually speak in her native language.

“This isn’t your first rodeo, is it? I think I’ve seen you before.”

“No, third actually. I was on Produce 101 China, and made it to the third round. I actually don’t have any clue how I made it that far. I was on Chuang 2020 last year, and placed 11th.”

“Ah, that sucks,” Shirley said in reply.

“No, it’s alright. I wouldn’t have fit in that group. How about you? You were on Youth With You, right?”

“Yeah. I placed 61st.”

“Think you’ll have better luck here?”

“I hope so. One of the girls in my group won Youth With You, so we aren’t doing much of anything anymore. It’ll give me something to do at least.”

Ruiqi wanted to say something in reply, but as she was thinking, she almost walked straight into the door. “Guess this is us,” Ruiqi said.

“Yep.”

“Any idea how we figure out what room we’re in?”

“Apparently they’ll have our names on the door.” The two Chinese girls walked in, looking around in the building that seemed to be one giant ramp.

“I think I see mine,” Ruiqi said, peering into one of the doors. “Hey, is this you too?” Wen Zhe ran over.

“Yeah, that’s me. Guess we’re roommates!” Ruiqi swallowed nervously and nodded.

“Who’s this third girl? I feel like I recognize her name.” Wen Zhe looked at the sign above the bed in the center of the room.

“Oh, Jessie’s here?”

“Who’s Jessie?”

“Jessie- Fu Yaning, it looks like she’s going by her Chinese name here- was on Youth With You with me. She and I never interacted much, but she seems super nice.” Ruiqi nodded.

“Cool.”

“I’m gonna go grab some lunch and unpack later, wanna come with?”

“Nah, I’m good. I’ll see you later.” Wen Zhe waved goodbye and exited the room.

Ruiqi sat down on the bed and sighed, looking around. The rooms were pretty small- nothing compared to what she had on Produce 101 China, let alone Chuang. She began to read through the packets and was shocked on some of the rules.

One meal per day and two snacks. Meals include one protein, two vegetables, and one side. Snacks can be chosen from the following: fruits, instant noodles, and chip packets.

Practice must begin for a full group by 8:30 am, or two hours before any evaluation- whichever is earlier. Practice must run through 12:00 midnight for the full group, but can be extended on either side at the group’s discretion. Individual practice may run as long as desired. There is no minimum sleep requirement.

Group communication must take place in Korean- no English. Communication between contestants should take place in Korean, but may take place in the contestants’ native language(s) on a limited basis.

You may not reject an interview request, nor may you decline to answer a question.

There is to be no intimate actions with any other contestants, including but not limited to excessive hugging, kissing, and any form of sexual intimacy.

Ruiqi scoffed at the last one. That shouldn’t be a problem, she thought to herself. A survival show like this is hardly the place I plan to fall in love.

She was ripped from her thoughts when the door opened. Expecting Wen Zhe to be back from lunch, she mumbled a greeting and stood to use the restroom.

“I’m Fu Yaning.” Ruiqi whipped around and-

Well, shit.

She didn’t know what it was, but there was something about Yaning that made Ruiqi’s breath catch in her throat.

“I know Shirley, so I’m assuming you’re the other one? Su Ruiqi?” It took Ruiqi a moment to respond.

“Oh, uh, yeah.” She nodded, clearing her throat. “That would be me.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Less than an hour. I was on the second bus.”

“Yeah, last bus for me,” Yaning said, setting her stuff down on her bed. “When do we start rehearsals?”

“Uh, tonight I think. 6:00?” Yaning nodded, grabbing a smaller backpack out of her large bag.

“Okay. See you later, Ruiqi.” Yaning maintained eye contact for a moment before looking away, causing Ruiqi’s heart to flutter.

What the fuck?

Chapter Text

Ruiqi walked into the rehearsal room and was shocked. There were never huge rehearsal rooms like this on Chuang or Produce. All 99 girls were in the room at once. It was-

“Overwhelming, huh?” Ruiqi turned to search for the sound of the voice and saw a young looking girl standing next to her. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Who are you?” She asked, wondering why the girl looked familar.

“I’m Lin Chenhan. Nice to meet you.” She held her hand up in a salute motion and Ruiqi copied awkwardly.

“Have you been on a survival show before? I feel like I recognize your face.”

“Nah, I’m barely old enough for this one. I’ve been in a handful of shows and movies back in China though.” Ruiqi nodded slowly.

“Ah, I must’ve caught you in something. Why idol shows?” Chenhan shrugged.

“I don’t really know. I saw this online, it piqued my interest, and my agent said I could try. Next thing I know, I show up here and I realize I’m the youngest one from China.” Ruiqi nodded.

“Must be rough. I remember the feeling.”

“You’ve been on a few shows, right? Were you ever the youngest?”

“Not quite, but one of them. The youngest of us on my first one were all my age. I don’t quite know who was the true youngest though.”

“Got any advice?” Ruiqi shrugged her shoulders.

“I try not to think about back then too much. Not really a great time for me.” Upon seeing Chenhan’s scared face, she rushed to add on. “Not because of the show, I promise.” Chenhan looked confused, like she was going to ask another question, but she fell silent as a staff person took the stage.

“Hello all, and welcome to Girls Planet 999,” she said in Korean. “In your welcome packets, you all received a sealed envelope with the name of the song you are to perform for your auditions. Please open those now and find your groups. Inside, you will find divided lyrics. Each group will be given an iPad to learn their song. You have until 8am on Monday morning to learn and rehearse before you are evaluated. Good luck.” With that, the staff left the stage and the chatter resumed.

Ruiqi opened her envelope to see her song, and almost dropped it in shock.

“What’s wrong?” Chenhan asked, noticing Ruiqi’s expression. Ruiqi quickly shook it off.

“Nothing. What did you get?”

“A song called ‘Roly Poly’ by a group called T-ARA?” Chenhan obviously had never heard the song before. “Only performing with one other person. You?”

“Chungha’s Snapping. Solo performance.” Chenhan nodded, realizing Ruiqi’s recent expression.

“Ah, good luck.” The two stood there looking at each other for a moment, Ruiqi wishing she could tell the younger girl to run before this ruined her. Alas, her eyes failed to convey the proper message, and Chenhan walked away to find her groupmate.

The next 36 hours were a blur, with Ruiqi cramming more choreography and lyrics into her head than she thought was possible. She didn’t sleep or eat at all, but neither did most of the other girls. Finally, two hours before filming began, she was grabbed by someone while she walked back from the restroom.

“What the hell?” Ruiqi yelled, trying to shake the assumed attacker off.

“Chill out, it’s just me,” the person said, and Ruiqi turned to find Yaning.

“Fuck, you can’t sneak up on people like that,” Ruiqi said, trying to steady herself and getting very dizzy doing so. She stumbled and reached blindly to grab onto something for balance, finding Yaning’s arm.

“Whoa, steady.”

“Just leave me alone,” Ruiqi said, and pushed off of Yaning to try to cram more practice in.

“I’ve been watching you. You haven’t ate or slept since Saturday. Please, eat this.” Yaning pulled a banana out of her pocket and held it out.

“If I eat this, will you leave me alone?” Yaning nodded and sat against the wall, patting the space next to her. Ruiqi reluctantly sat down and peeled the banana.

“You nervous?” Ruiqi nodded as she swallowed.

“Yeah. I’ve performed solo before, but...”

“Never like this.” Ruiqi nodded in agreement.

“Yeah. The pressure’s really high.” The two sat in silence for a few moments as Ruiqi ate. When she finished, she made a motion as if to get up, but Yaning grabbed her arm.

“Stay here.” Ruiqi looked at her confused. “We have-” Yaning checked her watch- “2 hours and 17 minutes before filming starts. Sit here. Rest. Take a nap. I’ll wake you up, I promise.”

“No, I can’t keep you from practice like this.”

“We all knew the song before. We’ve got it.”

“But-”

“Shut up. Close your eyes.” Yaning patted her shoulder and Ruiqi reluctantly rested her head on it. “I’ll wake you up.” Ruiqi was out before Yaning even finished.

“So, this is you, huh?” The boy smiled at her. “Can’t believe it’s over already.”

“Oh, did you want to come upstairs?” Ruiqi felt bad. He seemed so disappointed that their date was over.

“That would be nice,” he said with a smile.

When they got upstairs, Ruiqi made some tea and they chatted for hours before they realized how late it was.

“I’m so sorry, I have rehearsals tomorrow and can’t be up this late. You have to go.” The boy looked disappointed, but nodded in understanding.

“Yeah, I get it. I should probably get going.” They both stood, looking at one another awkwardly. “Would it be too forward to ask for a kiss?”

“No, I guess not.” The boy took a strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear, leaning in gently. The two kissed- Ruiqi’s first- and pulled away. “Wow,” she said breathlessly before opening her eyes and noticing that his had changed. “Was that not-” She was cut off by him pushing her into the bedroom and shutting the door.

“Let’s have some fun, now shall we?”

Ruiqi woke with a start as she heard someone trying to rouse her from her sleep. She immediately jumped and shoved herself across the floor, trying to put as much space between her and whoever was with her.

“Get away from me.”

“Ruiqi, it’s me. It’s Yaning. You’re okay.” Yaning approached to put a hand on her shoulder, but Ruiqi retreated farther backwards.

“Don’t touch me,” she breathed. Yaning held her hands up and crouched down.

“Okay, okay. You’re okay. Just breathe.” Ruiqi put a hand on her chest as she tried to steady her breathing. As she calmed down, she began to realize what happened, and she buried her head in her hands.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I promise. We still have time. Do you want to talk about it?” Ruiqi shook her head. “Can I touch you?” Ruiqi nodded slowly, and Yaning placed a hand on her shoulder. The younger girl jumped, but slowly leaned into it. “You’re okay.”

They sat like that for some time before Yaning’s alarm went off, startling them both. “You ready to go?” Yaning asked, standing. Ruiqi nodded and followed suit.

Chapter Text

This was certainly much different than past experiences. Gone was the fun atmosphere of community and sisterhood. This group was cutthroat and vicious. People laughed at mistakes. The environment was awful.

Chenhan performed right before Yaning. The performance wasn’t great, but Chenhan seemed to enjoy it. She even waved to Ruiqi as she walked offstage, which made her smile. Even with a grade of F, Chenhan was still excited. She was sad for the girl, knowing her dreams were about to be destroyed. But the real reason she was paying attention was for Yaning. She had to see her.

She watched with baited breath as Yaning entered the stage, and saw Wen Zhe walk on behind her. She gave a wave to the blonde and she waved back, smiling broadly. Everything seemed happy, like it was on the Chinese shows. And then it all went to hell.

Everyone was shocked. How could Yaning say that to Yujin, the ultimate senior and one of the most respected idols in the industry? Ruiqi shook her head, leaving the seating area to head backstage. She had to perform in a few minutes anyways.

Yaning walked offstage after the performance, an A grade sticker attached to her shirt and a smile on her face. She walked over to Ruiqi, who just glared at her.

“I got an A!”

“So I see.”

“Did you watch?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I have to focus. Just go.” Ruiqi stared Yaning down until she walked away, and took a deep breath. Just one more audition. You can do this. You’ve done it a thousand times before.

As soon as she stepped on the stage, it’s like a switch flipped. She had all the confidence in the world, and it showed, with contestants actually letting out some cheers and the judges giving her an A. Her first A.

She walked backstage smiling to see Wen Zhe still there from her performance with Yaning. Wen Zhe squealed and ran up to Ruiqi, giving her a hug.

“You did it!” she screamed happily, despite her own grade of D. Ruiqi froze for a minute before gently hugging her back.

“Yeah, I guess I did. You were great too!” Wen Zhe shook the praise off.

“No, I messed up. I know I did, it was too short of a rehearsal period and the song is out of my range. Just sucks that I did it in front of Yujin.”

“How are you so happy?”

“Well, I watched Produce 48 and I know Hyewon debuted, and she got an F in the first audition. This isn’t the end, it’s going to be irrelevant in a few days anyways.” Ruiqi nodded, realizing the mountain before her.

“Oh God, we have to do this again next week don’t we?” Wen Zhe nodded.

“Don’t worry about it! I’ll see you later!” Wen Zhe bounded off to grab a bottle of water before walking back to the seating area. Ruiqi shook her head and followed suit.

Another day later, the auditions had finally ended, mostly uneventfully. There were several dreadful ones, and a couple that caught her eye. Finally, a member of staff stepped on stage.

“Thank you for being patient as we figure this out,” the woman said in Korean. “You will now be moving into dorms according to your grade. Please come to the stage when your name is called.” They started with Grade F, working backwards through the ranks, and finally reached grade A. “Su Ruiqi, Fu Yaning, and You Dayeon.” Oh God, not her again, Ruiqi thought. “You’ll be staying in building one, room six. Please go there now.” The three of them walked out together and made their way to their new building.

“Where the hell are we going?” Dayeon asked in Korean. Ruiqi and Yaning both looked at one another, unsure of how to explain that they didn’t know either. They settled on shrugging.

“This way?” Yaning suggested in English, pointing to the leftmost building. Dayeon nodded and the three walked in that direction, quickly discovering that they were correct.

When they arrived, Ruiqi quickly chose the bed closest to the door. Yaning took the center bed, leaving Dayeon closest to the bathroom. They were asleep within seconds, Ruiqi thankfully having no dreams.

Less than eight hours later, Ruiqi found herself back in the rehearsal room to learn the theme song for the show. All five grades were mixed together, crowding the room and leaving little space to dance.

“You okay?” Yaning asked, noticing that Ruiqi was uncomfortable.

“Yeah, fine,” Ruiqi muttered, trying to move away, but failing. There was simply no room.

“Listen up!” the instructor shouted from the small stage at the front of the room. “We’re going to go through this quickly, so keep up.” He wasn’t lying, moving through the moves so quickly that Ruiqi could barely keep up.

When they finally finished, the girls were released for their meals. Ruiqi and a few other girls stayed behind and decided to get a jump start on learning the choreography and lyrics instead.

“Hey, can you help me with this?” Ruiqi turned around and saw yet another stranger. “Sorry, I’m Liang Jiao.”

“Twins, right?” Jiao nodded, and Ruiqi almost cried. The younger girl was so adorable it made her heart melt.

“Technically, but I’m older.” Ruiqi chuckled. “We couldn’t understand half of what she said.”

“Yeah, me neither. Let’s go through it together, there’s some things I’m not clear on too so maybe you two can help.” Jiao nodded and grabbed Ruiqi’s hand, dragging the older girl over to where her sister was standing.

An hour later, Ruiqi had finally figured out where she went wrong and helped the twins. The rest of the girls were returning from lunch, and Ruiqi took the opportunity to excuse herself to the restroom.

Before she could get there, however, she ran into Yaning in the hallway. She tried to brush past, but Yaning grabbed her arm.

“Eat this,” she said, holding out a granola bar. Ruiqi shook her head.

“I’m fine. You’re not my mother.”

“No I’m not, but you have to eat something. I know for a fact you haven’t eaten since the last time I made you eat.” Ruiqi just rolled her eyes. “Seriously. I’m not letting you go until you eat this.” Ruiqi glared at her and snatched the granola bar from her hand.

“Thank you,” she mumbled, opening the granola bar and taking a bite.

“Of course.” They stood in silence for a few moments while Ruiqi ate.

“I’m sorry I brushed you off at the auditions,” Ruiqi said, breaking the silence. Yaning shook her head.

“I get it, you were stressed. We all were.”

“No, that’s not-”

“Stop. You don’t have to explain. You’re fine.” Ruiqi opened her mouth and Yaning gave her a look that reminded her of her mother. “Seriously. You’re fine.” Ruiqi chuckled and sunk down against the wall, Yaning taking her seat beside her.

“So, you know what you’re doing in there?” Yaning asked.

“Kind of, I think. I just helped the twins figure it out, but I don’t think I quite got it.”

“I have no clue what we’re doing, honestly.” Ruiqi stood up and offered her hand.

“Wanna go figure it out?”

Finally, the day of the reevaluations arrived. The girls would be ranked, 1-33, against the contestants of their country. The top girl would earn the honor of both centering the theme song music video and being the first to choose their teams for the first mission. Ruiqi had been in this position before- she needed to win this.

She watched girl after girl film their evaluations. Some were perfect- those were the ones who would be hard to beat. Shen Xiaoting, for example- Ruiqi knew her from Chuang. She wasn’t that popular back then, but something in Ruiqi’s heart told her that this time would be different. Wen Zhe wasn’t bad either, and Ruiqi cheered her from the sidelines. Yaning did well too. Some of the girls, on the other hand, were simply dreadful- a girl named Chen Hsinwei forgot pretty much everything, and Chenhan barely sang.

After what seemed like horus, it was finally her turn to go. She stepped up to the stage and took a deep breath, feeling more confident than she had at the auditions.

Until she turned the wrong way, and everything fell apart.

Ruiqi managed to get back on track fairly quickly, modifying a move on the fly to make the weight shift to her other foot less awkward. But it was still a mistake. A mistake Xiaoting didn’t make. A mistake that probably cost her the top spot- and might have cost her her debut. Again.

Ruiqi ran out of the room after the song was finally over, slamming the door to the bathroom and sinking down against it. She slammed her head against the door, trying to keep herself from crying. She couldn’t break down. She wouldn’t ****break down- at least, not while the cameras were watching.

When she finally collected herself, she exited the room to find-

“You again.” Yaning chuckled, leaning against the wall opposite the door.

“Yeah, me again.”

“They done in there?” Yaning nodded.

“Yeah. We’ll know tomorrow morning how we did. Ruiqi checked her watch- eight hours, give or take.

“Guess I’m not sleeping tonight.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Ruiqi shook her head.

“I would, but...” she gestured to the cameras around them. They had already had too much interaction and she feared the editing they would receive.

“Follow me,” Yaning said, extending her hand to the younger girl. Ruiqi took it and followed.

“Why are we up here?” Ruiqi asked, taking in the view.

“It’s quiet, there’s no cameras, nobody can see us up here, the staff don’t know we can get up here... do you need me to go on?” Ruiqi chucked and shook her head as Yaning reached into her bag.

“You smoke?” She lit a joint and offered it to Ruiqi.

“Not in a long time,” she said, remembering her high school days. “I used to do it before I became an idol, but I was so locked down once I signed my contract that I never really got a shot. I tried it once, and it...” Ruiqi shook her head, shuddering. “It didn’t go well.” Yaning hummed in understanding.

“Yeah. I remember when my labelmates got caught with cigarettes. They never talked about what happened, but I know it wasn’t good. You want some or not?” Ruiqi hesitated for a second but nodded, taking the joint and inhaling.

They passed the joint between them for a few minutes before deciding to put it away, neither of them wanting to get paranoid. They sat against the wall of the stairwell, basking in the cool night air while they let themselves and their bodies rest.

“What were you dreaming about the other day?” Yaning asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Oh, I don’t really talk about it,” Ruiqi replied, fiddling with her hands and pulling at her fingers. Noticing the behavior, Yaning reached over and grabbed Ruiqi’s hands, grasping them between her own.

“You don’t have to, but I know it’s been bothering you. You’ve been... different since then.” Ruiqi felt her cheeks burn, embarrassed by the fact that others could tell.

“Yeah.”

“You can tell me. You can always tell me.” Ruiqi finally brought her eyes up to meet Yaning’s.

Whether it was the weed or her heart, Ruiqi would never know. But she felt compelled to say everything.

And she did.

“It was a couple years ago, between Produce 101 China and Chuang. My agency thought it was wise to let me go out with a friend from high school. So we went on a date, and it was nice. I invited him up to my apartment, and we talked for hours, but when I tried to say good night-”

“Ruiqi, you don’t have to talk to me. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pressured-”

“No. I need to say it.” Ruiqi took a deep breath before continuing. “He raped me.” She looked at Yaning, who had tears running down her face. “I made up some lie to my agency about how he didn’t want to pursue a relationship, and they finally dropped it, but... yeah. That’s what I was dreaming of. It’s why I’ve been skipping sleep. I almost got kicked off of Chuang because of the nightmares, so I survived by not sleeping until I passed out and couldn’t dream. I don’t want to do that in front of other people.”

They sat in awkward silence as Yaning collected herself. “Ruiqi, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t,” Ruiqi snapped, causing Yaning to startle. “I don’t want your pity. It happened, and I deal with it. Your pity won’t change that.” Yaning nodded and took a deep breath.

“Look, the sun is starting to rise.” Ruiqi followed Yaning’s hand to look at the sky, and sure enough, the sun was rising.

“Do you wanna go back and sleep?” Yaning nodded.

“It’ll be suspicious if we’re not there when the cameras arrive.” The two stood, stretching out the cramps in their muscles before walking back to their room.

When they walked in, Dayeon was notably absent. She wasn’t in the bathroom either. They looked around for a moment before they found a note.

I’m hanging out with some friends, trying to pass the time before the results are revealed. Don’t worry about it.

“Well, that’s not suspicious,” Yaning chuckled. Ruiqi opened her mouth to say something in response, but only a yawn came out. “How much have you slept in the last week?” Yaning asked, concern shadowing her face.

“I don’t know.”

“Ruiqi?”

“A couple hours here and there. I needed to practice.”

“Nuh uh. Nope. Get in your bed. Now.” Ruiqi rolled her eyes and grumbled, but obliged, slipping under the covers. Yaning turned the light out before getting in her own bed. “Good night,” she called out, but the blue haired girl was already asleep.

An hour later, Yaning was woken up by the sound of screaming- quiet screams, but still screams. She quickly jumped up and ran over to Ruiqi, trying to wake her.

When Ruiqi finally woke up, she instinctively thrust her hands out to fend off whoever was attacking her, but she found herself restrained. “Hey, it’s me. You’re okay.” Ruiqi blinked her eyes, trying to bring the girl in front of her into focus.

“Yaning.” Overcome with emotion, Ruiqi began to cry, trying to blink the tears out of her eyes and failing. Yaning just shushed her and sat down on the edge of her bed.

“May I?” Ruiqi hesitated for a second before nodding, allowing Yaning to slip under the covers with her. She didn’t know why, but she trusted Yaning. She was too tired to even think about how it was probably a bad idea.

She stiffened for a moment as Yaning pulled her close, laying around her. “It’s okay,” Yaning whispered. “Just go to sleep.” Finally, she let sleep overcome her, not dreaming for the first time in months.

Chapter Text

They were woken up the next morning by the theme song thumping loudly through the speakers. Ruiqi groaned and covered her eyes before realizing that there was someone else in her bed.

“It’s just me,” the person said, sensing her panic. Yaning, she remembered.

“Did anyone-”

“I don’t think so, but I don’t think it really matters. Girls get touchy on these types of shows.” Ruiqi groaned.

“I cannot be evil edited for this. We have to be more careful,” Ruiqi said, getting up and going to the bathroom. Yaning opened her mouth, thinking about saying something in response, but she just dropped the subject, allowing Ruiqi to go on with her morning.

“Thank you for your hard work these last few days,” the host said. This must be being filmed, Ruiqi thought to herself. Yaning put a hand on her shoulder to steady her, but she shook it off. She had to focus.

“You will be receiving your individual rankings from the theme song evaluation today. We will then film your individual practice cams and transition into the full group filming for the music video. Please bear with us as we figure this out. We are just as new to this as you are.”

One by one, the girls were called to the front and instructed not to open the envelopes containing their ranks. Ruiqi watched as everyone walked by her seat, some steeped in anticipation and others looking like they wanted to die. She couldn’t decide which group she fell in.

“Su Ruiqi,” the staff called. Ruiqi stood up, trying not to shake, and made her way to the front slowly. The staff smiled at her and she tried her best to return, managing only a shaky grimace before going back to her seat. She caught Yaning’s eye before she turned, and tried not to worry about her rank too.

Barely five minutes had passed when the announcement came to open their envelopes. Ruiqi closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and steeled her nerves.

One last ranking.

She opened her eyes and the envelope at the same time, not quite comprehending what she saw at first. She felt her eyes sting and stood, running from the room without saying a single word, not caring about the cameras that inevitably surrounded them.

Yaning looked after her and walked over to the chair where Ruiqi’s envelope sat.

C02.

Yaning winced. Somehow, 2nd place felt worse than 7th. She walked out of the room, hoping to catch Ruiqi before she disappeared, but couldn’t find her in the hallway. She heard a door slam downstairs and ran to look, seeing a flash of blue hair running away from the main building. Yaning ran after her, tracking her all the way to the roof they were on last night.

“Ruiqi,” she called as she walked on the roof, “What are you doing?” The younger girl was silent. “Ruiqi, why don’t you come here?”

“Chill out,” Ruiqi responded, “I’m not gonna jump. I’m not that stupid.” Yaning sighed, walking towards her.

“Still, I don’t want you to fall.” Ruiqi shook her head.

“I won’t.” Yaning finally arrived on the other side of the roof, leaning on the rail next to Ruiqi. They could see beyond Planet Camp, into the forest bordering the facility.

“Nice view, isn’t it?” Ruiqi suddenly burst into tears. “What did I say?” She just shook her head and continued crying.

“Why did I try this again?”

“Because you want to debut. You want to be successful, and you want to do it here. In Korea. I do too.”

“I’m never going to debut now. C02. Not C01, C02. I’m not even low enough to have an underdog storyline. I’m screwed.”

“You’re not. You’re the best one here. You had the best audition. You are the reason everyone is panicking. Xiaoting actually went to talk to the staff, see if they made a mistake. You are the best one here and everyone knows it.” Ruiqi pushed off the railing and began to pace.

“I’ll get cut if I don’t do well here.”

“What does that mean?”

“My agency wants to release me. They’re looking for an excuse, they think I’m dead weight because I can’t bring in the sales that Korean artists do.”

“Are you serious?” Ruiqi nodded and breathed out an affirmation. “That’s fucking stupid.”

“No, it’s not. They’re right. I’ve been active for what, four years? I haven’t had a singular hit yet. I’m not gonna make it big. I should just give up.” Ruiqi shook her head, trying to take a deep breath and failing. “Fuck!” she screamed, slamming her hand into the wall of the stairwell.

“Ruiqi, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” Ruiqi didn’t seem to hear her, continuing her mindless assault on the wall. Yaning rushed over to stop the younger girl, pulling Ruiqi back and holding the younger girl against her chest. “Hey, it’s not worth all of this. It’s just some stupid show.” Ruiqi struggled for a moment before giving up, going limp and dragging both girls down to the ground, sobbing. Yaning shifted them so that she could lean against the wall, Ruiqi half in her lap. They sat there for a while, Yaning rocking back and forth gently as Ruiqi continued to cry.

After Ruiqi had finally calmed down, she sat up and turned to look at Yaning, who had rested her head against the wall. “Thank you,” she said quietly.

“Don’t thank me. You don’t need to.” Ruiqi shook her head.

“Yes, I do. You’ve put up with a lot more than the last show did. One morning I woke up with a roll of tape next to my bed, and a note telling me to use it next time I slept.” Yaning shook her head in frustration.

“I swear to God I’ll kill them. You don’t deserve that. You’re kind and talented and beautiful and-”

“Stop. It’s not your fault. I just-” Ruiqi trailed off, making direct eye contact with Yaning.

“What?” Yaning asked, not breaking the stare. Ruiqi remained silent. “Seriously, what?”

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

“What?” The words had barely left the red haired girl’s lips before they were covered by another pair. Before she could fully acknowledge what was happening, she felt the younger girl pull away, as if struck by lightning. They looked at each other for a moment before Ruiqi turned her head away, as if in shame.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know why-”

“Shut up,” Yaning breathed, grabbing the blue-haired girl by the collar and kissing her urgently, as if she had been waiting to do this her whole life.

The younger girl seemed to melt into Yaning’s affection, letting her senior control the kiss without a fight. They fell into each other like they had never known a reality without this moment, without each other, and like they never wanted to again. Yaning realized that it was like coming home, like they had lived every moment until now simply to get to this one.

Yaning eventually had to breathe, reluctantly ending the kiss and pulling away. She saw that Ruiqi’s face was completely red and the younger girl was breathing heavily. She reached up to cup her junior’s face tenderly. “You alright?” Ruiqi nodded.

“Yeah. I didn’t- I had no idea I was going to do that.”

“Well if it makes you feel any better, I had no idea either,” Yaning said, chuckling at the realization of what just happened.

“I’m sorry.” Yaning put a finger over Ruiqi’s lips to shush her.

“Don’t apologize for that. Don’t ever apologize for that. That was- just- fuck, Ruiqi,” Yaning sighed out.

“What?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Ruiqi and Yaning sat on the roof for a few minutes longer, basking in the warmth of the sun, before going back downstairs and slipping back into the crowd as if they never left.

Chapter Text

“Welcome to the official starting line of Girls Planet 999. From this point on, you are at a fresh start. You have one mission to determine whether or not you will continue on in the show. You have one performance to win over the hearts of the guardians. You have one stage to prove yourself. How you do is up to you.” The girls cheered and applauded while Ruiqi rolled her eyes discreetly. How much bullshit do these people do to please the cameras? “The teams will be chosen first by the signal song centers, then at random draw. You may not decline an invitation to join a team. First up, C01 Shen Xiaoting.” The girls all clapped while Ruiqi felt her eyes burn. She stared straight ahead, willing herself not to cry.

Xiaoting went through her choice of teammates, making the choice to perform Blackpink’s How You Like That. Good choice, Ruiqi thought. Way to get some attention early.

Kim Dayeon, shockingly, also chose to perform the same song, meaning that she would be going head to head with another center. Finally, it was the final center’s turn.

“I’d like to put together a team with a powerful and sharp image. For the song that I have in mind, I’d like to perform with Su Ruiqi, Jeong Jiyoon, You Dayeon, Nonaka Shana, Kamikua Rei, Xu Ruowei, Kim Suyeon, and...” She scanned the crowd for a moment before deciding. “Fu Yaning.”

Ruiqi felt her heart sink. There was no way, with all the cameras surrounding them, that she would be able to hide what happened. But she was trapped- there was no way out. She stepped down off of the risers and went to meet her team.

“I want to perform The Eve,” Hikaru stated in English, looking around. It was obvious that every girl in the team was well suited for a boy group song. “Any objections?”

“Don’t you think that we should do a song with a rap?” Dayeon said, obviously hesitant to sing.

“Maybe,” Hikaru said, considering. “But I think we could pull off this concept really well. If we can do this well, we get popularity and a triple vote benefit.” Everyone nodded.

“Yeah, I think we can do this,” Yaning said in broken Korean. Ruiqi looked over to where she was standing. “We all look right.”

“Okay,” Hikaru clapped. She walked back to the main area of the floor and took the microphone. “We are going to be performing EXO’s The Eve.” Some girls still waiting looked disappointed, but others seemed thrilled.

Ruiqi tried to pretend to be interested in watching the other girls select their teammates and songs, but in reality she couldn’t care less. She noted that the younger girls picked the other two boy group songs, and couldn’t help but feel a little bit happy, thinking she had an easier battle ahead of her.

Late that afternoon, when the girls finally took a break, Ruiqi found herself right back where she was not too long before, right on the roof leaning against Yaning’s chest. The two sat in silence, mulling over the situation that faced them.

“Congratulations on the killing part,” Yaning said, disturbing the peace. Ruiqi smiled and turned to look at her.

“Sorry, I know you wanted it.”

“Not really, not after seeing you try it. You’re better for the part. 100%.” Ruiqi nodded and looked at her.

“You’re vocal one though, right? That’s gotta count for something!” Yaning nodded and smiled.

“I’m no main vocal material, but at least I’ll get some exposure.”

“Especially as the leader! You’ll be great.” Yaning smiled and carded her hand through Ruiqi’s hair.

“Why blue?” she asked, looking at the younger girl curiously.

“I don’t know. I guess it’s been brown on the last two shows, and I just needed a change. Maybe it’ll get me some attention early on, who knows.”

“You’re gonna get attention either way. Trust me.” Ruiqi turned to look at her and smiled.

“I hope so. I can’t take failing again.” Yaning wanted to ask what she meant, but Ruiqi shook her head. “Don’t even think about it. We’re both gonna make it this time.”

“Can we run through the vocals real quick? I think our timing is getting off from each other,” Dayeon said, sighing. We’ve already been at this for 12 hours, Ruiqi thought to herself. It was nearing 2 a.m. Yaning nodded and exhaled.

“Yeah, I guess so.” The girls moved back to the floor, sitting in a circle with their lyric sheets and starting the song over the sound system.

“I guess that wasn’t it,” Suyeon said when the song ended without any major issues. “What’s going so wrong here?” Everyone looked around at each other.

“Maybe the amount of time we’ve been practicing,” Hikaru suggested. “We’ve been at this all day. We’re exhausted. We’re just gonna keep getting worse at this point.” Yaning nodded.

“Let’s go to sleep then. We’ll run through it again in the morning before the evaluation.” The girls nodded and broke for the day, heading back to their dorms.

As soon as they arrived back at the building, Ruiqi broke away from the group to use an individuall practice room. She slid the CD in to the player and closed her eyes, letting her body guide her through the dance she knew like the back of her own hand but was too paranoid to mess up in front of the cameras.

Ruiqi lost count of how many times she ran the dance, letting the song play over and over again. She finally got to the end of what was supposed to be her last run through when she landed on her foot wrong and fell over, her leg bending beneath her.

She tried to stand up when she suddenly became aware of a gasp coming from the door. She turned around and saw Yaning standing there, her mouth agape at the scene. Ruiqi turned back to the mirror, her face burning.

“Go away.”

“Ruiqi-”

“I mean it! Get out!” Yaning made eye contact with Ruiqi in the mirror, and the younger girl noticed her senior’s eyes filling. She softened for a second, wanting to invite Yaning to stay, but the older girl turned and walked away.

“Fuck!” Ruiqi screamed, slamming her fist on the floor. She felt her eyes sting with tears and mustered the strength to stand up and walk back to her room, locking the bathroom door behind her.

She looked herself in the mirror and barely recognized who she saw. Granted, she hadn’t slept more than eight total hours in the week and a half since she arrived at the camp, but she still looked like crap, even by those standards. She sighed and walked back out into the bedroom, spotting Yaning asleep, curled into the wall. Ruiqi could feel her heart tighten, but could do nothing about it, especially with Dayeon sleeping between the two. She laid down on her bed and stared at the ceiling, willing the time to pass so she could just be done.

“Don’t you think the killing part and the second vocal are too much for you to do?” Ruiqi looked down at the floor.

“I’d really like to do it,” she muttered out in broken Korean. The masters shook their heads.

“You have to choose. You guys have to redistribute the parts. This is not good.” Ruiqi saw the masters look over at Dayeon, who turned around to the wall. Oh shit. “Dayeon? Do you have something to say?”

“I don’t think the parts were distributed fairly. Yaning stole the leader position. Everything about it was unfair.” The masters shook their heads.

“What kind of leader are you if you can’t lead your team well? Go fix this.” The masters waved their hands to dismiss them, and the girls left the room.

They sat in silence in the practice room for several minutes before Yaning finally spoke. “I’m sorry I let you all down,” she said quietly.

“It’s okay,” Suyeon said. “Let’s figure this out together.” The two smiled at each other before they redistributed the parts, Ruiqi being demoted to vocal five and Dayeon ending up on vocal four, still unhappy with the results but willing to go along with it anyways.

“Ten minute break, and then we’ll figure out the new formations?” The girls nodded and broke apart, some running to grab a snack and others opting to start running through the new moves. Yaning hurriedly stood up and ran to the bathroom, Ruiqi opting to follow her.

“Yaning?” she called out, trying to locate her friend. The senior said nothing, but Ruiqi heard sniffles coming from one of the stalls. “Yaning, please let me in.”

“No,” she said, a sob leaving her mouth.

“Yaning, if you don’t let me in I’m crawling under this stall door. Please don’t make me crawl on this bathroom floor, I swear to God-” Ruiqi was interrupted by the lock clicking. Yaning opened the door and peeked out, her face splotchy.

“I’m okay, okay? Just go.” Ruiqi shook her head.

“No. What Dayeon said was unfair. I’ll kill her.” Yaning sighed.

“Don’t. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine, Yaning! She tanked you! And the way the mentors just agreed with her...”

“Ruiqi, you wouldn’t let me help you last night. Now I’m telling you. Please, leave.” Ruiqi looked down at her feet.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you last night.”

“It’s fine, you don’t want me to be a part of your life. I get that.”

“No, Yaning, I swear to God it’s not that, I just-”

“Just what? Want all the good things and not the bad things? Do you think that’s what I want?” Yaning looked at Ruiqi, studying her expression. “Oh my God, you think that’s what I want.”

“I just-”

“Why would you think that’s what I want?”

“I don’t know. Just- I guess I figured that you’d get tired of me.” Yaning cupped Ruiqi’s cheek gently.

“I promise you, that’s not what I want, Ruiqi. I want you.” Ruiqi finally made eye contact with Yaning and leaned into the hand on her cheek. “I want to be there for you. I want to get you through this. I want to get through it together.” Ruiqi smiled and leaned in, her senior meeting her halfway for a gentle kiss.

“What the fuck are you two doing in here?” Ruiqi broke the kiss and spun around to see Dayeon.

“Dayeon, I-”

“So is this why you let her do the killing part? Because you’re screwing each other?” Yaning just stood there with her mouth agape.

“Dayeon, I promise this isn’t what it looks like,” Ruiqi said, trying to calm the Korean down.

“Well, it looks like you two were sucking face in the fucking bathroom!” Ruiqi winced and grabbed Yaning’s hand.

“That... might be exactly what it looks like. But I promise you. We’re not sleeping together. We haven’t ever. We didn’t try to get put on the same team. I didn’t start all of this because we were on the same team. It just happened. It happened before all of this. Can you please...” Ruiqi trailed off, looking at her with hopeful eyes.

Dayeon sighed. “As long as you don’t mess this up for us, I promise not to tell anyone. But either of you screw this up...” Ruiqi nodded hurriedly.

“Thank you.” Dayeon nodded and turned around, pausing a moment before she walked out.

“You know, I’ve done the relationship thing with my members. It’s fun, but...” Dayeon trailed off for a moment. “Just be careful.” Ruiqi nodded and thanked her again.

When Ruiqi turned back to Yaning, the senior’s mouth was still agape and she was shaking. Ruiqi grabbed her hand gently and led her to the benches in the bathroom.

“Are you alright?” Ruiqi asked, running a hand up and down her arm soothingly.

“Uh... yeah,” she breathed, wiping her face. “Fuck.”

“I know.”

“Do you think she’ll say anything?”

“I... I really don’t know.” Ruiqi sighed. “But we can hope that she won’t.” Yaning nodded.

“We should probably go back. We’ve been in here too long.”

“Yeah.” The two stood and Yaning peered out of the door, making sure there were no cameras pointed at the door before walking back to the practice room, knowing that the threat of their relationship being revealed still hung heavy over their heads.

Chapter Text

“Hey, we should stop before we get carried away,” Yaning said, chuckling and pushing the younger girl out of her lap. “We don’t want anyone seeing evidence during the performance tomorrow, do we?” Ruiqi leaned against the wall next to Yaning, sighing.

“It’s so frustrating. I just wish this was all over so we could be together in the real world.” Yaning draped an arm around Ruiqi’s shoulders.

“Soon, I promise,” Yaning said.

“Do you really think we’ll last, outside of here?” Yaning thought for a second before answering.

“I think we can do it. It’s not going to be easy, but we can do it.”

“What if only one of us makes it? What happens if we go back to China? You go back to Beijing, I go back to Chengdu, it’s like what, a day’s worth of driving? We can’t sustain that.”

“I’m not going back,” Yaning said.

“What?”

“I’m serious. I’ve already talked to my Korean management team about extending my visa, hopefully permanently. I’m not leaving until I make it here.”

“Oh.”

“You really want to go back?” Ruiqi shook her head.

“No, but I never really thought about an alternative. I didn’t realize it was possible.” Yaning nodded her head.

“It’s more than possible.”

“You really think we can make it? Even if we don’t win?”

“We can get a little apartment, promote as independent soloists, or I’m sure a small company would want to sign us. We’re incredible.” Ruiqi laughed.

“You sure are confident.”

“Well, I got you, didn’t I?” The blue haired girl leaned into her senior’s embrace, smiling.

“That you did.”

“You girls were good, I’ll admit that. Much better than the interim check. But I don’t see the teamwork.” Ruiqi stood on stage, still breathing heavily since performing. She would never understand why they had to give the feedback in the moment. Other survival shows didn’t do that, besides the auditions.

“I agree,” another mentor said, nodded. “I think that Shana, you were very good. And Dayeon, you have a very nice voice.”

“True,” the third mentor said. “But Yaning, what is with your facial expressions? And Ruiqi, why didn’t you work with your team more? Did you only do individual practice?” Ruiqi shook her head.

“No,” she muttered out.

“You’ll never last in Korea if you don’t know how to work together with your teammates. Thank you,” the mentor said, dismissing the team.

Ruiqi wanted nothing more than to run, but she knew that she had to stay backstage with her team, lest the cameras find out.

“I think we did well,” Yaning said. The other team members nodded.

“Yeah, I don’t know why they came down so hard on us.”

“It’s because we fucked up,” Ruiqi muttered.

“What?”

“We fucked up. We were too powerful. We’re all too good separately. Not to mention that three of the four most featured team members were foreigners. They’ll never let a foreign center win against a Korean one.”

“Ruiqi...”

“You know what, come find me when they announce the winner. I need to calm down.” Ruiqi stormed off and found herself underneath a staircase, hopefully out of sight of the cameras. She sank down against the wall and began to cry, overwhelmed by the anxiety and the failure she felt.

“Ruiqi?” Dayeon came around the corner, calling out the younger girl’s name. Ruiqi wiped her tears and took a deep breath.

“Over here,” she said, not without her voice betraying her and wavering. Dayeon walked towards Ruiqi with concern in her eyes.

“Look-”

“I know. You’re going to go public with it. You’re gonna leak it to the press, to the mentors, whoever the fuck you want.”

“No, actually.” Ruiqi looked up, surprised by the older girl’s words. “I’m not going to say a word. This is all my fault, really. I distracted you.”

“No, it wasn’t you.”

“Then what was it? You seemed pretty distracted during rehearsals. Always looking at Yaning, making sure that I didn’t say anything to her...” Dayeon trailed off.

“You’re fine. We have to get back, I’m sure they’re almost done,” Ruiqi said, brushing past Dayeon and knocking her into the wall. Dayeon watched her walk away with a smirk on her face.

“And the winner of the triple vote benefit is....” Ruiqi couldn’t hear anything besides the blood rushing through her ears. This was it. It was going to be different this time. She was going to win.

“Team Pretty U!” The younger girls started screaming and bouncing up and down. Ruiqi and her teammates could only stand there and watch as they celebrated, not knowing how to react herself. Some of the other contestants ran to the stage to hug them, but Ruiqi just stood there, completely numb.

“You guys totally deserved to win that,” Wen Zhe whispered in Ruiqi’s ear. When did Wen Zhe get here? “They’re stupid for not giving it to you.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered, not able to speak any louder. “They were good too.” Wen Zhe shrugged and bounded over to the other girls, comforting the ones who were crying.

Later that night, Ruiqi decided to go up to the roof alone, not realizing that Yaning had already had the same idea. She saw Yaning leaning over the rail, looking at the scenery beyond planet camp, and turned around to leave before Yaning noticed her.

“You can stay if you want,” Yaning called as Ruiqi opened the door to go back down the stairs. Ruiqi froze in her tracks. “I really don’t mind the company.” Yaning turned around to look at the younger girl, who was still frozen.

“It’s fine, I can go,” she said hesitantly, but Yaning hummed in disagreement.

“No, come here. Really. I’m sick of spiraling in my own head.” Ruiqi took a deep breath and turned around, instantly beginning to cry at the sight of Yaning’s face. “Are you okay?” Ruiqi shook her head.

“I thought I could do this.”

“Do what? Win the show? Your rank is fine. You’re going to be fine. So will I.” Ruiqi shook her head again.

“Not the show. I can still do the show. This. You and I. I thought it would work.”

“What are you talking about?” Ruiqi began to pace before answering.

“I had these visions in my head of us as an idol couple, the first lesbian relationship in the industry. We would go on all these fucking variety shows they have over here, have this huge queer fanbase in the States, be the face of queer Kpop idols.”

“I mean, it won’t always be easy but we can do this Ruiqi, it’s possible.” Ruiqi shook her head.

“No, it’s not. We lost because of our relationship. We were distracted during the entire process. We were careless and reckless and even got caught. Did you think about what would happen if the cameras caught us? If the staff caught us? We’d be blacklisted.”

“Why do you always think like that? Why do you always assume the worst in people?” Ruiqi stopped and spun to face her senior.

“Because that’s all people have ever fucking shown me!” She shouted, praying none of the other Chinese contestants could hear them. “People will always show me the worst. I will always attract the worst.”

“I promise you, Ruiqi-”

“No, I know.” Ruiqi sighed and ran her hand through her hair. “I know you won’t. But it’s not you. I just-”

“Please.”

“I can’t do this with you. I’m sorry. It’s for the best.” Ruiqi turned back around and entered the stairwell, finally leaving as Yaning fell to her knees behind her, letting out a desperate sob.

As Ruiqi descended the stairs, her eyes began to water once again, but she pushed the desire into the back of her mind.  It's for the best, she thought to herself.  

It's all for the best.

Chapter Text

“So, you’re working with Dayeon again for the combination mission.”

Yaning hesitated a moment before answering. It was cruel, she thought, that they made them do an entire interview in a foreign language after the long filming day they had. Her brain could barely remember Chinese, let alone Korean.

“Yes.”

“What did you think when she chose your group?”

“Obviously, Dayeon is an excellent performer and an extremely talented vocalist. I’m glad to be able to work with her again.”

“She caused a lot of tension in the connect mission. Are you afraid that there will be more tension?”

“I think that the two missions are very different and I hope that we’re able to work more cohesively as a team in this mission.” God damn, he’s really trying to bait me, Yaning thought to herself as she took a deep breath and smiled for the camera.

“One last question. You and Su Ruiqi became very close in the last mission, correct?” Yaning froze. How much do they know?

“Yes, it was nice to have someone else from my country to work with. I very much appreciated the opportunity to become her friend and teammate.”

“Is it difficult now, being the only Chinese contestant in your group?” I thought he said one more.

“There are some communication barriers, and of course I miss working with Ruiqi and Ruowei. However, I really think that this is a good chance to improve my communication and work with new people. I am very excited to be on a team with Dayeon, Mashiro, and Jiwon.”

“Thank you so much, Yaning.” Yaning stood and bowed before leaving.

Everything reminded her of Ruiqi.

Yaning would catch herself drifting into daydreams during practice, sometimes just stopping dead in her tracks when she saw someone move in the same way or laugh the same way that Ruiqi did. She would hesitate outside the Fate practice room, staring through the window and watching Ruiqi move through the mirror. Sometimes Ruiqi would turn and her heart would leap, thinking that she’s going to notice her, but she wouldn’t.

She never did.

“Yaning?” Dayeon came over and shook the now-blonde, snapping her back into reality.

“Sorry, what’s up?”

“Jiwon wants to run the entire thing front to back. Are you ready?” Yaning nodded, running her hand over her face.

“Yeah, I can do that.” Dayeon waved off the two girls coming towards them and pulled Yaning to the side.

“Is everything okay between you and Ruiqi?” Yaning snapped her head up to look Dayeon directly in the eye.

“That’s none of your business,” she snapped in Chinese before correcting herself. “It doesn’t matter,” she said, hoping the producers wouldn’t understand the Chinese slang.

“I know. Just... if you want to talk about it, I’m here.” Dayeon ran her hand up and down Yaning’s arm before walking to the other two members of the group.

Later that night, Yaning found herself staring at the ceiling, wide awake once again. She looked to her side and saw Dayeon reading lyrics in the dark.

“Do you have night vision?” she whispered, being careful to not wake the Japanese girl laying in the bed along the other wall.

“No, but I can see a little from the light in the hallway if I angle it correctly,” she replied. “Why aren’t you asleep?”

“Can’t.”

“What do you usually do at night then? You know, we roomed together last mission. You almost never came back.”

“I have a spot I like to go to kinda just...”

“Make out with your girlfriend?”

“No! Just sit and rest.”

“Well, does it have lighting?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Wanna go there now? You can sit, I can look over my lyrics.”

“I mean...”

“Come on.” Dayeon stood up and put her tennis shoes on, walking out of the door. Yaning rushed around to grab her things and chased Dayeon out the door.

“So, 52nd place.”

“Yeah,” Dayeon sighed, playing with her hands. “Lower than I hoped, but I really thought I’d be eliminated after what happened during The Eve.”

“Why did you say that stuff? Why did you throw me under the bus with the mentors?” Dayeon blushed and looked down at her lap.

“I wanted you to notice me,” she said quietly.

“What?”

“It always felt like you were looking right past me. I wanted you to look at me.”

“Why would you try to destroy me if you wanted me to see you? Why would you threaten to out me to the entire industry?”

“I don’t know, I just...”

“Just what? Just wanted to destroy Ruiqi?” Dayeon shrugged. “Oh my God, you wanted to destroy Ruiqi.”

“She threatens me.”

“Why would you be threatened by her? You’re talented in your own way. You’ve already debuted in Korea for God’s sake. What would make you feel the need to destroy her?”

“You.” Yaning froze and looked at Dayeon, who was now crouching in front of her. “I could tell you two were close, even before I knew what was going on. I wanted to make it so you two weren’t close.”

“But why would you do that?”

“Because, Yaning, I watched you on Youth With You. I’ve been watching you since we got here. You amaze me. And you deserve more than that blue-haired mess can give you.”

“Ruiqi’s not a mess.”

“All the screaming at night? Yeah, I could hear it. Everyone in our building could hear it. She’s not cut out for this.”

“Fuck off, Dayeon. You don’t know what she’s been through.”

“Do you not understand that I’ve been in the industry as long as she has? I know what trainees go through. Nobody here has a unique set of experiences, Yaning.”

“Why does all this matter to you? If you really don’t think she’s cut out, if you’re right, she’ll just leave the show or get kicked off. Why did you feel the need to get in her head?”

“Because she had you.” Yaning paused for a moment before the puzzle locked in her head.

“Oh my God. You...”

“Don’t say it, but yeah. I want you, Yaning. She doesn’t deserve you. You deserve better.”

“So you thought that the best course of action was to, what? Drive a wedge between us?”

“I just needed a chance. As long as she was around, I had no chance.”

“So what comes next in this parade of foolishness? You think I thank you for freeing me, we fall in love and live happily ever after?” Dayeon looked down for a moment.

“Kind of?” Yaning scoffed and pushed herself up, trying to pace away from the younger girl, but thwarted when Dayeon stood up and grabbed her hand.

“Let go.”

“You deserve more, Yaning. We can be together. We can do this. I promise.” Yaning froze for a moment before turning to face her.

“Dayeon...”

“I’m sorry for what I did. But you know I had to.”

“Dayeon, I can’t. I’m in love with her.”

“Really? So this makes you feel nothing?” Dayeon looked Yaning up and down before making a decision, leaning in and kissing the older girl.

Just then, they heard the stairwell door slam open, and Yaning jumped backwards. She turned to look at the door and couldn’t believe who she saw.

“Ruiqi...” Yaning tried to approach the younger girl but she fled before she could get remotely close,

“See? A mess.” Yaning spun to glare at Dayeon, her face flushed with anger.

“Shut the fuck up. You did this. You drove us apart. Stay away from her, and stay away from me.” Yaning spun on her heels and stormed out, her steps echoing in the stairwell as she sprinted to catch up with the blue-haired junior.

“Ruiqi!” she yelled out, finally catching up with her at the bottom of the stairwell. “Ruiqi, please, listen, it’s not what you think.”

“What does it matter?” Ruiqi snapped in Chinese. “We’re not together anymore.”

“I know you think that’s what you needed to do, Ruiqi, but you don’t.” Ruiqi paused in her steps but didn’t turn. “I promise you. You didn’t need to do that.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s done. Kiss whoever you want. I don’t care.” Ruiqi resumed walking, not sparing a look back to Yaning.

“Ruiqi, please.” Yaning’s plea fell on deaf ears as the love of her life walked away from her.

Ruiqi cursed under her breath as she fell again, not executing the move correctly. She did it a million times in group rehearsal earlier. Why can’t I do this anymore?

“Ruiqi?” she heard someone say from the door of the rehearsal room, and turned to see one of the Japanese contestants.

“Do you need something?”

“I was just coming down to practice, but I can go find somewhere else. I didn’t expect anyone to be up at this hour.” Ruiqi waved her off.

“It’s okay. I should be getting to bed anyway. Please, by all means.” The girl nodded and entered the rooms.

“I’m Okazaki Momoko, by the way.” Ruiqi nodded.

“I’d introduce myself, but I feel like you already know my name.” The girl chuckled.

“Do you speak English?” she asked, switching to the other language quickly.

“Not as well as Chinese, of course, but a little bit.” Momoko nodded and smiled.

“I’m sorry, but I’m so bad at Korean. I studied abroad when I was younger and find English so much easier.” Ruiqi nodded back.

“You’re in Salute team, right?”

“Yeah. I wish I could’ve been in a smaller group, but this dance is more my style anyways.”

“You were in the high 40s in rank, right?”

“Yeah. 49th.”

“Yikes.”

“I’m surprised I lasted past the first round. I guess my fanbase abroad is larger than I thought.”

“How did you get a fanbase abroad? Aren’t you still a trainee?”

“Technically yes, but I did backup dancing for BABYMETAL until their hiatus and was in a junior idol group in Japan. Surprisingly, we had quite a few international fans.” Ruiqi whistled.

“BABYMETAL is huge. I’m not surprised you lasted at all.” Momoko shook her head.

“Anyways, I’m just enjoying the experience.” Ruiqi nodded and looked down at her feet. “I’ve noticed you’ve been tense recently. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Ruiqi said, wincing at the way her voice cracked.

“You had that thing with the other girl, didn’t you?” The older girl snapped her head back up.

“How did you know about that?” Momoko laughed.

“I’m not blind. Everyone knew. We just respect you two too much to make it an issue.” Ruiqi nodded.

“Well, thank you.”

“Anytime. It’s not uncommon, you know, for girls to fall in love in situations like this.”

“I know.”

“Anyways, you and Yaning were good together. I’m sure you’ll find your way back eventually. It would do both of you good.”

“What do you mean?”

“I watched your eyes in the audition performance versus the connect mission. You had someone else to fight for during the connect mission. It made you better.” Ruiqi nodded.

“Well, it’s over now.”

“It’s never really over, not when you love each other.” Momoko walked into the corner of the room, plugging her Mp3 player in and starting her song. Ruiqi took that as her cue to leave and went back up to her room.

A few hours later, Ruiqi found herself awake and staring at the ceiling as the sun rose, replaying Momoko’s words in her head.

It’s never really over. Not when you love each other.

She looked at her roommates sleeping in the beds beside her. The tall Japanese baby and the short Korean grandma. That’s what she called them in her head.

Neither of them made her heart flutter like Yaning did.

Shit.

Chapter Text

“You seem... different,” Wen Zhe mentioned between bites of her noodles. “Sulkier, if that’s possible. Did something happen between you and Yaning?”

“Damn, does everyone know about that?” Ruiqi said, slamming her head on the table.

“You guys aren’t that sneaky, you know. It’s quite obvious. Who else were you talking about?”

“That girl Momoko, from the J-group. You know her?”

“Yeah, we did the connect mission together. Seriously, do you not know anything?” Ruiqi laughed.

“I mean, I guess not. Anyways, we met the other day and she mentioned that she knew.” Wen Zhe swallowed and nodded.

“Well, what happened?” Ruiqi looked around and made sure nobody else was within earshot.

“Yaning and I broke up, and then I caught her kissing Dayeon.” Wen Zhe eyes widened as she coughed around her food.

“She’s like, seventeen! What the hell?”

“Nonono, You Dayeon.”

“Ah. Well still, how did she move on so quickly?” Ruiqi shook her head and shrugged as the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period. “Ruiqi. You barely ate.” The blue haired girl looked down and noticed that her friend was correct.

“Yeah, I guess not.” Ruiqi shrugged and stood up, grabbing her plate. “Don’t wanna eat too much before the performances though. Nerves make me nauseous.”

“Ruiqi, you still need to take care of yourself even if she moved on.” Ruiqi glared at Wen Zhe.

“I know. I am. We have to go.” Wen Zhe opened and closed her mouth, nodding.

“Okay.”

Ruiqi couldn’t take her eyes off of Yaning.

She knew that there were three other people on that stage. But to Ruiqi, it felt like there was only one. She was mesmerized by the way Yaning performed up there, almost as if her mind shut off and her body moved on her own. She couldn’t have looked away even if she tried.

As the group hit their ending pose, Yaning turned in Ruiqi’s direction and made eye contact for a fleeting moment. Ruiqi felt the world stop as she looked into the older girl’s eyes, and her heart fluttered the same way it did when they first met all those weeks ago. Yaning turned away to look at the camera as the staff came to usher Ruiqi and her group backstage, and Ruiqi reluctantly followed.

As she stood in the wings watching the group before them perform, Ruiqi tried to scan the audience to find Yaning, to no avail. She must be doing an interview, she thought as she sighed and went back to her group huddle. ”Alright guys, we can do this. We’re the best group here. We’ll do great.” Ruiqi nodded as her teammates looked to her.

“Oh, am I supposed to say something now?” Yujin nodded at her. “Ummmm... good luck?” The rest of the group laughed as they turned back to their leader.

“Okay everyone, on three. One, two, three, ganbare, hwaiting, jiayou!” The girls cheered as the previous performers walked offstage.

“Good luck!” Momoko smiled at Ruiqi as she walked by, patting her on the shoulder. Ruiqi smiled back at the younger Japanese girl.

“Thank you.” Ruiqi took a deep breath and steeled herself as she walked on stage. The planet masters had told them they wouldn’t be interviewed before the performance like everyone else. They were the most anticipated performance of the night, with five out of the six members in competition for a debut spot. Ruiqi had to prove her charm, catch everyone’s eyes with her dancing alone.

As the music started, Ruiqi closed her eyes and let her instincts take over. As her body moved to the music, she let herself listen to the words and let the emotion come through.

As the song reached its climax, Ruiqi opened her eyes to look at the camera and caught a glimpse of Yaning looking right at her. She felt herself start to freeze but snapped out of it, running to her position and finding Yaning once again as her voice pulsed through the speakers, making eye contact.

Love that was never finished in this life

The fate that was never fulfilled in this life

The day we meet again after a long way

Don’t let me go

As she moved into the final pose, she could feel wetness on her cheeks. She was crying. She looked into the crowd and saw that Yaning had disappeared.

Am I hallucinating?

Ruiqi didn’t pay much attention to the mentors’ comments- she knew that they were all positive, and she knew that she would win. She ran off the stage as soon as she reasonably could, not even stopping to celebrate with her teammates. She had to find Yaning.

She ran through the halls into the back holding room that, she noticed, had been emptied out except for one person.

“Yaning,” she called, hoping for a response. When she didn’t turn, Ruiqi walked into the room to get closer. “Yaning, it’s me.” She walked to the corner of the room and crouched to where Yaning was curled into a ball against the wall. Ruiqi reached her hand out to cup her senior’s face, but dropped it suddenly when the blonde flinched away. “Yaning, please-”

“I messed it all up,” Yaning whispered, shaking with tears. Ruiqi felt her eyes burn as she tried to keep her own at bay. “This is all my fault.” Ruiqi shook her head quickly.

“No, it’s not your fault, I promise.”

“I made you think that you weren’t enough for me. I made you think that you made us lose. I made you-”

“You didn’t make me think anything. That was all me. I’m sorry I did this to you.”

“I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you again,” Yaning said as her breaths began to speed up. Ruiqi hesitated for a second before she made a decision and grabbed Yaning, pulling her forward and holding her tight.

“You won’t, I promise.” Yaning struggled for a second before letting go, leaning into the embrace. “I promise I’m right here. I’m real. I’m not going away.”

They stayed like that for several minutes before Yaning looked up, sniffling. “Hey,” Ruiqi said softly, smiling down at her senior. “You with me?” Yaning nodded.

“Sorry,” she whispered, cheeks flushing. Ruiqi shook her head.

“Don’t apologize,” she said softly. “You’re alright.”

“I need you, Ruiqi. I know what you must have thought, what you saw-”

“You don’t have to explain. I ended things. You can kiss whoever you want.”

“I didn’t want to kiss her. She kissed me.”

“Oh.”

“I love you, and she loves me. She wanted to break us up. That’s why she did what she did. She wanted to get closer to me.” Ruiqi sat back on her heels, frozen in thought. “Ruiqi?”

“You love me?” Yaning’s face turned red.

“I mean, I think so?” Yaning stared at Ruiqi as she remained silent. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” Ruiqi still failed to speak. “Ruiqi?”

“I love you too,” Ruiqi breathed before leaning in to kiss her senior. The two kissed for what seemed like ages before they heard someone else walk in.

“Hell yeah, you two are back together!” They heard the mysterious person exclaim. They both turned their heads to see Wen Zhe standing in the doorway.

“Shirley...” Yaning groaned, covering her face with her hand.

“What do you need, Zhe?” Ruiqi asked, standing up.

“They’re about to announce the winners. It’ll look suspicious if you’re not there.”

“Thanks.” Ruiqi pulled Yaning to her feet and grabbed her hand, walking back towards the stage.