Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Four Door Aventador

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Prologue

Bed Of Lies

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Do you ever think of me when you lie

lie down in your bed

your bed of lies

Bed of Lies-Nicki Minaj

Jean. Jean.

Annie.

Jean.

He had a lot of time down there, in the box. A lot of that time was spent in pain, body blazing hot and dripping sweat. The never ending sizzle of steam made the box humid and the smell...well, in those rare moments when everything wasn’t so painful he couldn’t think straight he longed for the time before he’d grown enough of his body back to smell.

He couldn’t keep time, of course, what with being locked up somewhere that he suspected was underground and drifting in and out of awareness, but he suspected it had been a long time. Too long. Much too long.

She looked at him, nose wrinkling just a little bit. “I should kill him too, let people think he ran off or killed himself.” She crouched, staring into his one fixed eye, face contemplative. “Or maybe I’ll wait. He’ll probably end up dead soon enough; grief can make people so sloppy. He might only need a little nudge.”

She pushed a strand of glimmering blond hair behind her ear then scoffed, as if suddenly aware she was essentially talking to half a corpse. Except he wasn’t a corpse, not exactly. He wouldn’t have told her that though, not even if he could.

“You should have just agreed to join us.” She said finally then reached out and touched his face. Everything went dark; she’d closed his eye. He couldn’t open it, couldn’t do anything except lie there and listen; he supposed he should be thankful for even that considering he’d had part of his brain bitten off. There was a creak and he could no longer detect light against the back of his eyelids. There was a soft noise, a sporadic pattering, then the low mumbling of voices. Then, finally, nothing at all. Just him, alone, paralyzed and unfeeling.

He couldn’t say how long after that it was that the pain started. First it’d been an itching accompanied by a strange whoosh-hiss noise and then white hot burning pain had taken over. It raced through the body he’d thought incapable of feeling much of anything anymore, taking him over and pulling him down until it was the one thing that existed. There was only pain.

Things became hazy after that, a strange mixture of white hot pain, empty endless darkness, and that scene, the last thing he’d ever seen, running a neverending loop in his mind. At some point he found he could open his eyes (eyes. Two). It did little good in the pitch black of wherever he was. Later on he could curl the fingers on both hands.

It became clear that his body was slowly, so slowly, repairing itself. This wasn’t the first time; he’d had bumps, cuts, and the occasionally broken bone growing up and he’d always healed fast. Too fast, really, so fast that his parents would never risk a proper doctor.

He was, after all, a Titan. He’d never actually become a Titan but his parents (he wished he could picture them, older than all of his friend’s parents, gray haired from the time he was a child, kindly and loving and not his actual parents, but his mind was too strange, too foreign, too hazy) had told him the facts early and taught him how to hide away in plain sight. It was the only way to stay safe and alive; if anyone knew the truth he’d be branded an enemy of humanity and killed.

Or so he’d always thought. Eren…

It  mattered little in the long run.

He was a Titan. A Titan in a human body. A monster. That’s why he’d survived being bitten and placed in this strange nearly airless box and why he was putting all the pieces back together again.

Soon he’d be ready to escape.

He would find her.

Soon.

And then he’d bite her head off.

He knew, somewhere deep down, that such thoughts weren’t like him but it was the only other thought he could hold onto, the only thing that kept his thoughts from slipping away from him.

Without that he had nothing. And he knew, just knew like a person knew to breathe, that if he had nothing then whatever came next would destroy him.

Chapter Text

Four Door Aventador

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Chapter One

Everyone is Waiting

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Will we burn

In heaven

Like we do

Down here

Will the change come

While we’re waiting

~Witness, Sarah McLachlan

Things had gone wrong. Very very wrong. First she’d failed to secure Eren and, as if that wasn’t bad enough, she’d been found out. Probably by Armin; she found herself annoyed and yet there was a undeniable flare of pride. She doubted anyone else would have made the connection, would have identified her as a Titan shifter but Armin...he was something different. It was in his scent, in his eyes, in the way her mouth went just a little dry (as in both of her forms) when she was near him.

She hadn't expected to find someone like him among these humans.

Beyond that she couldn’t help but respect how cautious and pragmatic he managed to be without being a coward. Others threw themselves into danger or hid behind the walls but Armin walked a very careful line.

In another time and place… In this time and place however he reeked of Eren Yeager and it made her hackles rise, just a little. Still she didn’t dislike Eren, even if he was foolish and full of nonsensical childish sensibilities. If she had succeeded in taking him, could have explained...

She dug her fingers, hardened to make it easier to cling to the wall and climb. She was missing a limb, thanks to Eren, but she couldn’t let that stop her. He may have been down for the moment but he wouldn’t stay that way and beyond that Yeager was fast, too fast. They all had their strengths and beyond the obvious ability to harden her skin she was also much faster than her companions and yet Eren was just a touch faster. Also fueled by rage and the desire to kill.

The wall loomed above her, sunlight flickering down with the promise of survival if she could just make the climb. Her mind was racing.

Eren was intelligent in his Titan body, as far as Titans went, but he had a certain...feral quality to him. And as he’d tackled her in the open area she’d seen it there shining brightly in his glowing eyes. If he got his hands on her she would die. It was just that easy.

She’d crossed too many lines. She’d offended him personally not because of what she was, but because he viewed her actions as a betrayal of mankind.

She would have laughed had the situation not been so dire. A betrayal of mankind. She had a mission and she was willing to do what it took to achieve that. To do otherwise would be a betrayal of everything she’d ever known.

Worse she’d put Mikasa and Armin in harms way, had hurt the female Eren had taken as an adoptive wombmate; the bond there was perhaps closer than in those who shared blood. Eren wouldn’t let that go; he was very much the Alpha in spite of not being of her people. He’d tear her to shreds for harming his pack. Even now his considerably injuries did nothing to slow him; but then he seemed made to take punishment.

It was actually unnerving how well he took a beating.

But she was almost there. She could drop her body and blend in or perhaps form a new one. It would be tiring but she knew how to push her limits. She had been trained for that, to endure pain and beat down the bone deep weariness that came with shifting. Whatever it took she would do.

A shadow fell over her and she squinted even as she pushed herself to keep moving. A cold feeling swam in her stomach as the figure above her, perched on the edge of the wall, became more than just a shadow to her.

A person, impossible to tell if male or female, head cocked to the side as they stared down at her, seemingly unconcerned.

She heard the family whoosh of the 3DMG and let herself shift her head just slightly to see Mikasa zipping up past her, blades at the ready, and just out of range. Not that she could risk swatting at Mikasa, not now.

The figure above moved forward, stepping off of the wall and she heard a cry of alarm from Mikasa, knew that now was her chance, while the threat was distracted by this foolish human life. A flash of silver against the sun and then a roar. Lightning flashed and arced towards them.

The other Titan hit her hard, it’s weight concentrated on her left arm. Helpless to do anything as the impact shook her body and tore her arm, helpless as her fingers tore just below the tips she’d hardened. Claws dug into her arm and her body jerk, hanging by her right hand, as the other Titan hung fast to her, snarling like a rabid beast. Then she felt the sharp hook like appendages latch onto her shoulder and cried out, body swinging as the other Titan made to climb.

Before that could happen there was sharp pain (more pain) across her still intact hand and she jerked her head up just as she lost contact and started her free fall. Mikasa was above her, blade marred with her blood. The tiny woman landed feather soft on her forehead, looking almost serene.

“Annie. Fall.” And with the Mikasa was gone and there was only the ground, Eren, and the snarling Titan on her arm left for her.

She was done. She was tired and falling and...done.

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Mikasa watched, unsure what to think. Eren launched himself up, grabbing both Annie and the new Titan on their way to the ground. They hit with a thud and a tangle of limbs that eventually ended with the Female Titan flat on her stomach with Eren above her and the new Titan to the side, Eren’s hand deep in the flesh of it’s shoulder. There was a moment of eerie silence to follow then, with a snarl, the new Titan jumped back.

More than jumped, really, it launched itself back with seemingly no care for the chunk of flesh it left in Eren’s hands, and executed a sharp twist that left it coming down in a crouched position. Then it stayed, crouched and face down, neck exposed.

She gripped her blades tighter, tempted to act but...there was a person in there. A person who’d helped bring Annie down. An ally? She was almost positive she could get Eren out of his Titan body without harm but this new person...who was to say? She didn’t want the blood of someone who hadn’t taken any action against them on her blades.  

It only took a second. The new Titan jumped back and went still, Eren followed with his eyes and then full attention was back to Annie. Eren’s eyes seemed to glow even brighter and his jaw opened, widening as if

“EREN!” She shouted, a queasy feeling settling inside of her. He was going to eat her. Evil murdering bitch or not, she couldn’t let Eren eat anyone! That was too far, too much, something that couldn’t be fixed or some back from. He’d never forgive himself.

He clamped down then wrenched his head back, tearing flesh and exposing the small and delicate body within.

Everyone stopped, a second drawn out hair thin, and all she could hear was the rushing of her own blood in her ears. She felt her lips moving, thought she may be calling out again, hoping she’d be understood, wanting to reach out to stop him but finding herself frozen in place, only able to stare.

A light, blazing white, rose up from Annie’s body and Eren reared back. A blur of green and flashing steel and Eren’s neck was open and there was Captain Levi, scowl firmly in place.

Mikasa breathed.

She was down off the wall in short order, helping to gather an exhausted looking Eren to his feet. He looked ready to simply pass out but she knew things weren’t over yet and that they may need him, no matter how tired he might be.

Levi was striding across the open space, a recently landed Hange at his heels, hands clasped together and eyes wide in what could only be glee. Probably at the prospect of another Titan with no interest in humans and the possible experiments and dissections she could engage in. Mikasa shouldered Eren’s weight and started after them.

In the distance, standing in ready formation on the edge of the clearly she could make out various other members of the Survey Corps, specifically Jean and Armin, on rooftops. They must have been told to stay put but ready to engage.

“You!” Levi stood dangerously close to the new Titan, no trace of fear in his small body. The Titan didn’t move; Levi made an impatient noise. “I assume you can hear and understand me. We will give you the chance to come out of there without force. Otherwise we’ll carve you out.”

The Titan shifted just slightly. It’s face, obscured by lanky black hair, turned just a touch to face the wall, as if considering it. Thinking of escape possibly.

Hange’s hands went up, fluttering in what seemed like alarm. “We don’t want to do that of course. We saw you help with the female Titan and you see we’re already working with a shifter and I’d love to have another one to observe and compare! So many differences I can see already and with a closer look and understanding of your abilities I could learn so much!” The woman looked ready to burst.

The Titan huffed out a chuffing noise. It was...laughing Mikasa realized with a start. Eren went rigid next to her, halting just behind the two veterans. Levi’s frown deepened but Hange squealed, looking delighted, before turning to look at them.

“He laughed! He’s laughing! This is amazing.” Back to the Titan. “Do you hear that? Amazing! If you come out I’d love to talk to you. Coffee perhaps? I know a fantastic cafe, assuming it wasn’t flattened in all the commotion I mean and-”

“You aren’t buying him coffee.” Levi muttered, putting one of his hands over his face. “You are-"

“Why not? I have coffee with Eren.” She poked a finger at the smaller man. Eren sighed and Mikasa could feel his exasperation. Instead of voicing that however he moved away from her, just enough to be standing on his own.

“Are you an ally?”

There was a pop and then a hissing noise as steam began to rise up from the Titan. The shifter slumped forward, like a puppet with it’s strings cut, bringing it’s head to the ground with a dull hollow thud. Mikasa let her hand fall to her blade hilt even as she darted back a few paces, at the ready. The other three stood firm, not so much as wobbling as the ground shook.

In the nape of the Titan’s neck was a figure, though only it’s back was visible amongst the red flesh. A hand shot out, a sickening sucking noise meeting her ears as it wrenched free. Then the other and finally a head.

Again time slowed. A shock of black hair, slick with who knew what, plastered to oddly pale skin. A smattering a freckles. A mouth curved into a tired but familiar smile. Honey brown eyes, laughter on their surface but something dark and slithering behind that.

Eren inhaled sharply. “Marco?”

Chapter Text

Loving you is easy
Loving you is wonderously pure
I shout it from the rooftops
How long must I wait
Til I see you smile

~Loving you is easy, Sarah McLachlan

“Marco?” Eren’s voice was strained, thin and strangely high, to his own ears. Or perhaps not that strange, considering. It wasn’t every day that your dead friend climbs out of the neck of a Titan. Though…

His eyes darted over to where his Titan body was falling apart and sizzling away. Annie was encased in her crystal, being dragged out of her own Titan body by some other soldiers.

Maybe he should be less surprised by this.
Marco had finished extracting himself from the steaming body and dropped to the ground. He looked tired, but not as bad off as Eren was. For a moment the other shifter simply stared at him, mouth twitching out of it’s smile into something sharper, darker, and Eren felt himself scowling in return. Something inside of him, that force that always lurked just beneath his thoughts, growled and images of blood danced through his mind. Titan. Marco was a Titan.

He was to kill all-

“Eren.” Mikasa was touching him arm, eyes wider than usual. He looked at her, suddenly aware that his teeth were bared and he was making a noise more suited for his other form. Hange was watching him, practically vibrating with energy, and Levi just looked...bored.

At least that was the same.

He coughed, embarrassment crushing the wave of bloodlust.

Marco watched him, smile completely falling away and leaving a carefully blank face. The man before him looked like Marco, all the right things in the right place, and yet it just felt wrong. It made the hair on his arm rise up.

“You know each other? And you knew the Female Titan?” Hange had fished a small notebook out of somewhere and was poised to take notes.

“We were in the 104th together.” Eren supplied, though he wasn’t entirely sure he should be indulging Hange. Once she got started...well. He might end up playing labrat by the end of the night.

The older woman nodded, face going contemplative. “That is...hmm. All three of you.” She tapped her pencil against her mouth for a moment, eyes darting to the side to look at Levi. The smaller man nodded and, with a last warning look at Eren, turned to fully face Marco.

Mikasa’s grip on him suddenly tightened but when he looked back at her she was staring off to the side. Eren followed her gaze, saw Erwin, Armin, Jean, and a few others walking their way.

“Jean.” She meet his gaze, eyes sharp. Eren’s eyebrow went up, confused for a moment and then he knew what she was trying to convey. After Marco had died (though he seemed to be not very dead now) Jean had been different. Even now, though his loud mouth was unchanged, there was no real life behind anything he did. He woke up, he trained, he fought when needed, he argued and raged in the same situations he used to...but there was none of the fire that had been there before.

It was depressing, even for Eren. There was no fun in bothering Jean if the other didn’t care enough to really fight back.

Marco’s eyes flickered beyond them, honeyed brown narrowing and then widening. Levi stirred, hand moving towards his blades; a subtle movement but Eren caught it.

“Annie said...she said she’d kill him.”

Marco’s voice was faint and something tickled Eren’s nose, a strange barely there smell that made the thing inside of him very unhappy. It whispered to him to get Mikasa and Armin away from Marco, to protect what was his from-

Things went more or less to hell from there.

One moment Marco was in front of them, staring off into the distance, expression like someone had smacked him in the face and the next he was gone, moving at speeds that would rival Mikasa in the air, but on foot. He brushed past them, too close for Eren’s comfort and he rocked back, pushing his sister behind him on instinct.

Levi was after him, blades drawn and a string of curses winding after him.

Hange’s smile was stupidly large and she was scribbling furiously.

In the distance the members of the Survey Corps were moving in unison, the confusion at suddenly having a seemingly non hostile target charging them in an open flat area undetectable in their movements.

It mattered little in the end as Marco was moving at inhuman speeds. Blades lashed out and a few shots rang out and then he was in the back of the formation, one arm looped around Jean’s neck, holding the other boy flush against him. Armin was close but looked to be at a lost, eyes so large they looked like the might roll out of his head.

Eren was tired, tired in every way, too tired to shift and he started to bring his mouth, ready.

The thing inside of him howled, demanding he not hesitate. Armin was too close, so close, he could be hurt. Mikasa was safe but he needed Armin to be with him as well.
He took off running, body aching.

Eren could see Jean’s head swivel, the color drain from his face, and his mouth dropped open. A shadow passed over Marco’s face, features twisting into an expression Eren didn’t know and didn’t like.

His teeth touched the skin on the back of his hand.

Marco’s head dipped and for a moment Eren had the thought that he was going to rip out Jean’s throat, then and there in that body, and images of Jean bleeding out splashed in his mind’s eye. He wouldn’t be fast enough, couldn't be there in time, he should have moved, should have changed, Jean was going to die because he was too slow.

As quickly as that thought entered his mind it was banished as he came to a bewildered halt. Marco wasn’t killing Jean, or otherwise tearing chunks of flesh away.

He was kissing him.

Even Levi stopped short, head cocked just slightly to the side.

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Jean’s life didn’t make sense. He was coming to grips with that. He was a member of the Survey Corps, a division that basically did nothing but run suicide missions. He’d longed for the good life, the safe life, inside the walls with the Military Police but in one moment he’d let all that go.

The image of Marco, his best and only real friend, body mutilated and left propped up against the side of a building, in some strange parody of how they’d spent much of their off time in training. (Marco sat, legs stretched out before him, laughing so hard tears formed in the corners of his eyes as Jean recounted his latest verbal sparring match with Yeager. He was never sure if Marco was laughing at him, Yaeger, or perhaps both of them. It didn’t matter much, really, as long as Marco was laughing.) It had been a punch in the gut and he had found himself unable to think or feel or act in the wake of it. He’d moved, gone through the motions for a time, but it hadn’t meant a thing to him. He could barely recall anything after leaving Marco’s body because of how hazy his mind was. He’d shut down

Marco was dead and that was just...impossible. Marco was too good to end up like that; it should have been any of them except Marco and yet that didn’t change things. Others had mourned and Jean supposed he’d done some of that too but he wasn’t sure. He joined the Survey Corps, part in hopes of making that impossible death mean something and part because some part of him thought it’d only be fair if he meet the same fate.

It hadn’t happened yet. He didn’t intend to go down without a fight because Marco wouldn’t have approved of that, but part of him hoped. Hoped that every fight would be the end.

At least he wouldn’t have to listen to Yaeger’s incessant yammering about killing all Titans and saving humanity. Not that Jean didn’t think those things noble goals...he just thought they were stupid as well.

He’d always put himself first. Hated danger but now, even within the inner walls, his life was all danger.

A new Titan shifter had appeared on the wall and helped tear the Female Titan down, which was useful. A figure had emerged from the beast, seemingly meaning no harm. Commander Erwin had indicated that they should leave the roof and follow him to see what was going on. Jean could see the wheels turning in the blond Veteran's head; probably dreams of a second shifter Titan to use to his advantage.

Jean could see the way his commanding officer observed and manipulated, like someone playing a game. It has made him wary at first and since then he’d had his feelings validated as indeed things had been hidden from him and the others. He’d noticed Erwin giving him thoughtful looks on occasion and it put him on edge.

They’d crossed about half the distance, not quite close enough to make out any defining features on the new shifter, when he say Mikasa reach out for Eren. Then five heads turned in the direction of the small procession and a feeling of dread struck Jean. He swallowed, fingers itching, and started to look around for a threat.

The threat, it seemed, was in front of them. The new shifter took off at breakneck speeds right towards them. Erwin barked an order and blades were drawn; the two unlucky MP’s that’d been snagged for the walk over held up guns.

Jean noted the rifles were shaking.
This was probably not their idea of a fun day.

The shifter darted past the first row, avoiding Erwin’s attack (the only one that was even close) and then was behind Jean. Not just behind, no, but had a muscular arm pressing against his throat and a hand at his hip, pressing him back into a very solid male body. Hot breath brushed against his ear.

If this Titan thought taking a hostage would save him he really should have aimed for Armin.

“Jean.” The voice was rough, his name dripping out in a way that made his stomach drop. He whipped his head around and felt his mouth drop open. He could feel his mind grinding to a halt, able to form no thoughts let alone reply.

Marco.

He could see his friend, part of his head and upper body missing even now as he stared into that face, totally whole and un...actually. His eyes drifted to a faint line, a scar perhaps, that flowed exactly along the seam of where he remembered there being nothing but gore and empty space.

Marco.

Armin made an alarmed squeaky noise that might have formed the words ‘wait’ but it was distant, on the outskirts of Jean’s awareness.

Lips quirked up, brown eyes brightened, and Marco was bending forward. Jean felt like his instincts, his trusted instincts, should have been screaming and crying and kicking his ass for just standing there but instead there was silence.

It was Marco after all. Marco had a way of getting to him.

Lips crushed against his own, graceless and harsh, more painful than anything else. He felt something warm flick over his lips then into his mouth, giving it a thorough once (and perhaps twice) over. Then a sharp nip on his bottom lip and his mouth was released as suddenly as it’d been possesed.

He could feel his mouth working but no sound came out. Marco smiled.

“You shitty brat.” Captain Levi’s voice, laced with acid, cut through Jean’s fog. He jerked, but not too far considering the arm pressing against his throat and the hand on his hip and stared around, slack jawed, at the varying degrees of “What?” on the faces around him.

Levi strode right up to them, far within what Jean consider ‘personal space’ and glared up at Marco. “You did that just to kiss your idiot boyfriend?”

Marco’s answer was for his smile to get wider, a familiar open smile that Jean knew well.

“Idiot.” Levi’s eyes flickered over to Jean for a moment.

“Kirstein is a member of the Survey Corps. I’m Commander Erwin Smith, his commanding officer.” Commander Erwin said, managing to only look vaguely amused. “Will you assent to coming into our custody willingly? It would make things easier for him, especially after that display.”

“Wait, what do you-” Jean started, suddenly aware of not just the people around him but those further out, watching from the edge of the clearing and perhaps from the nearby buildings. What were people thinking? Some man climbs out of a Titan and latches onto his mouth like...like.

Marco let him go abruptly. “Okay.” He took a slow step to the side, hands raised near his head and open, palms facing outward, deliberately non-threatening. Erwin inclined his head towards the unlucky MP’s who exchanged nervous glances then, hesitantly, stepped forward. Marco put his hands down with exaggerated slowness and held them in front of his body.

More hesitation then the male of the duo hastily slapped cuffs on Marco’s wrists, closing them fast then scrambling back.

“Eren, you’ll escort him. Follow me.” Eren hurried to obey (of course), coming to stand beside Marco and putting a hand on his arm. Marco followed easily, paying no mind to the controlling hand on him.

“Him too.” Levi said pointing at...oh.

Him. Pointing at him. The female MP came towards him, from the opposite side of the one Marco was on. Jean briefly entertained the idea of protesting but the dark look Levi was giving him made him think better of it.

“Be gentle with those.” Marco had stopped for a second and was staring at the female MP over his shoulder. He was still smiling but it was a small sharp thing, slashing through his face and showing teeth. Then he was facing forward and walking again.

Jean looked down his nose at the woman who was now visibly shaking. It took a few tries before she had the cuffs on him, closing them so loosely he suspected he could have pulled his hands through. Not that he’d do that. He started walking, falling into step behind Levi with Armin on one side and Hange on the other. The woman was shooting furtive looks at him, looking on the verge of bursting. Armin just looked shellshocked.

Jean understood that emotion.

“What’s it like?” Hange asked finally, words tumbling out excitedly. Jean blinked blankly.

“What like?”

She dropped her voice to a stage whisper, eyes darting to look at the back of Levi’s head. “Being with a Shifter, compared to regular human. Warmer skin? Better endurance? Larger than average-”

“Hange!” Levi didn’t turn but his tone was sharp enough to make Jean jump. Hange was less affected, simply sighing and, winking lasciviously, quickening her step to fall in next to her fellow squad leader.
Jean just gaped at her back then, a kind of desperation bubbling up in him, turned to look down at Armin, finding the blond had gone pink all the way to the tips of his ears.

“I...we. Marco and I-” At this Armin went from pink to bright red. “No! I mean. We never. Never. Never.”

Armin’s eyes slide to the side just enough for him to give Jean a look that, in spite of his flaming cheeks, said very plainly ‘I don’t believe you.’

Jean cursed.

Chapter Text

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Chapter 3

How to Save a Life

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Between the lines of fear and blame

You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

How to Save a Life~The Fray

Jean was in a cell. An honest to god prison cell, apparently the same place they’d held Eren before his trial, though there had been ‘updates’ including a cell that appeared to be made out of solid metal with only a small barred window to peer out of. Marco, of course, was there.

He’d never imagined a scenario in life where he’d end up in a prison cell, waiting to hear if he’d been accused of conspiring with a Shifter Titan who, by the way, everyone thought was his lover.

The report of what happened had spread fast, including that kiss Marco had forced on him, and in no time at all he had the people watching him, members of the Military Police, sneering and snickering constantly, calling him such delightly original names as ‘Titan fucker’ and ‘Monster loving pervert.’ It was hard to be anything more than just casually annoyed at such pitiful attempts to insult him. Even Yeager could do better.

Levi and Erwin had been to see them once before, simply to inform them that a trial was being held and that they may or may not be needed for it. It seemed Eren had left a lasting impression on the court and no one felt the need to have another shifter around to plead his case in person.

Or that shifter’s boyfriend.

Which Jean wasn’t.

Not that anyone was listening.

This was the second time, on the third day of their lock up, that they came to see them, this time with Eren and Hange in tow. Everyone looked sullen and closed off aside from Hange, who was smiling widely and holding a large notebook and a few files.

It was official that they wouldn’t be allowed to speak on their own behalves. Instead Commander Erwin, Hange, and the people who knew them best would speak for them and hopefully make a good case for why they should be let go.

Make a case for Jean anyway. He wasn’t sure what could be said for Marco that would matter aside from ‘Hey, he’s a shifter and can help us fight.’ Marco certainly didn’t seem to care one way or another; while Jean had paced and worried and swore and punched walls Marco had simply sat somewhere in the back of his cell, carefully out of sight, never rising to taunts or seeming the least bit upset. He was disgustingly calm, only speaking to Jean if he spoke to him first which was...rare.

He was angry, furious really. He’d been tossed in a cell for no reason at all. He had the military police fuckheads giving him shit. His first human contact outside of sparring in...too long had been forced on him in front of dozens of other people. His dead best friend was decidedly not dead, which should have been great but when it came with absolutely no explanation it was hard to feel the joy, and a fucking Titan Shifter at that.

And had kissed him.

Really kissed barely covered it. More like forcibly tongue fucked his mouth and left him confused, a little scared, and more weak kneed than he cared to admit.

No explanation for that had been forthcoming either.

The first night in the cell he’d had that oh so familiar nightmare. He stood, watching as a Titan reached down and picked up Maro. He was frozen in place unable to act even as Marco screamed his name, begged for his help, and pleased for him to move. He was rooted, couldn’t even close his damn eyes as the wriggling form of his friend was brought to the Titan’s lips.

The sound of flesh being bitten into, a wet crunch and tear, and Marco’s cries ended abruptly, simply dropping off into nothingness. The Titan’s jaw worked as Marco was pulled away from it’s mouth, tendon and tissue stretching and snapping, leaving a wet red trail behind to stain the beasts lips.

He’d woken up screaming, throat sore and voice hoarse. There was an MP at his door, demanding he shut up or else. He’d nodded shakily and waved the man off only to find himself staring into two pinpricks of gold across the hall from him, seeming to shine out from the inky darkness of the prison.  

Then they were gone; he could hear Marco’s chains as the shifter moved further back into his cell. The hair on the back of his neck was standing up.

The second night he didn’t dream at all, thankfully. He didn’t want to wake up to Marco watching him like that again. It was...creepy.

“We have questions.” Erwin was standing in the space between their cells. Jean was leaning against the bars, ready to hear what was being said, but Marco didn’t seem willing to make an appearance. “The trial is in two hours and we need all the information we can get to try and defend the two of you.”

“Two hours.” Jean echoed. “So soon. We’ve only been down here three days.”

“In light of the destruction the Female Titan and Eren caused as well as the knowledge that a third shifter has been found and was there, along with the fact it looks like Bott faked his death-” Levi listed, lips twisted just so, the only indicator of how he felt about the proceedings. “A lot of people are upset and calling for blood. That you and Bott had nothing to do with any of destruction or loss of life is secondary.”

Hange scoffed. “It’s ignorance. They don’t see how useful it would be to have another Titan Shifter, uniquely different from Eren, in our custody. Nevermind the speed Marco displayed outside of his Titan body.”

He sighed, putting his forehead against the cool stone wall. “That doesn’t sound very promising.”

Erwin shot him a look. “I won’t lie to you Kirstein. It probably won’t go your way; the climate is not in your favor and I’m not on anyone’s favorite people list at the moment. Still if we know more we can at least try to make a good case for you not being a traitor who helped fake his boyfriend’s death and for Bott to be released into our custody.”

Jean made a noise of ascent, though he figured most of the questions would be for Marco. He was just some unfortunate collateral damage in the end.

“Did you know Bott was a Titan Shifter?” Hange was suddenly in his face, staring at him with wide eyes. He rocked back, away from the bars and the enthusiastic woman. “Did you have any idea he was alive?”

“No, of course not.” He swallowed, throat tightening as he thought once again of finding Marco’s body discarded in the street. “No.”

Hange looked down for a moment then held up a piece of paper, arm poking through the bars, expression deadly serious. “Why did your report for the cleanup indicate you took Bott’s body to be burned. Was that true?”

“Oh.” He stared at the paper blankly for a moment as if he’d never seen it before. Finally he let his eyes fall to the bottom and the looping text that was his signature. Then he let his gaze drift over the woman to focus on the door across the hallway and the small barred window that let him just make out that long lanky form on the cot in the far corner. “I lied.”

“You lied in a report.” Hange moved to the side, just enough for him to see Levi who was looking at him with eyes that promised pain. “Idiot.What were you thinking?”

“That he was dead so it didn’t matter.” Jean’s words lacked any of his usual bite; instead his voice dropped to a strained whisper. “I gave his name and was told to take him to the wagon with the other bodies but I...ah. I couldn’t. I couldn’t.”

It sounded weak and stupid to his own ears but how could he be expected to put into words the way he’d felt in that moment, hand’s on Marco’s body and the knowledge that soon his friend would be carelessly tossed into a fire and burned away weighing heavily on his already hazy mind. It would be like he’d never been there at all, just burned down to be part of large pile of ash with no idea who was who or understanding of why, of HOW, Marco could have ended up like that. It wasn’t right or fair. It shouldn’t have been Marco here, abandoned and lost, identified only by chance.

He pressed the heels of his hands into his burning eyes, face heating up at the moisture he felt there, pooled just in the corners.

“What did you do?” The question was sharp and Jean found himself breathless. What had he done? The worst possible thing possible, as it turned out, and the most unintentionally damming action he could have taken.

“He gave me to Annie.” The was a bite to Marco’s words, an accusation that Jean couldn’t fight against. “I assume he didn’t know she’d bitten part of my head off then stole my 3DMG.”

He pressed harder against his eyes, remembering that day, that moment, that Annie had appeared in awful detail. She’d been all quiet pity and unusual sympathy; he’d thought stupidly that’d she'd dropped the ice queen wall because Marco was one of them, a member of their training squad and a good guy who went out of his way to befriend everyone. Perhaps it had even hurt her a little bit as well.

Normally he was quicker, questioned things more, couldn’t be fooled by fake sympathy but...he hadn’t exactly been himself.

“Fuck.” Eren exhaled the world. “Annie? That’s going to look...it looks...Fuck.”

Thankfully Marco was talking now, saving Jean from having to respond or acknowledge that yes, it sounded terrible.

“I was looking for people on the ground or for Titans to handle while you were plugging the wall. I saw Annie on the ground next to a Titan body, just sitting there. I thought she was hurt or maybe out of gas; lots of us were falling apart.”

Marco hit the ground lightly, cables withdrawing back into his gear. He hadn’t seen any Titan’s nearby but it was possible a small one was lurking nearby or would come lumbering near; they were strangely silent when it came to creeping around the city and taking them out of the air. That in mind they were going to have to be fast; he hoped that Annie was just out of air because that was easily remedied, as opposed to shock or any injury.

He’d helped Jean then set out on his own, finding it easier to search around without worrying about others. He would have prefered to stay with Jean, of course, but following the other around like a puppy or a nervous parent wouldn’t have been appreciated.

Besides, Jean was displaying some impressive leadership skills and he didn’t want to undermine that by being underfoot (he had a tendency to nag and wasn’t so proud that he wouldn’t admit that...in his head). Best to be useful elsewhere.

“Marco.” Annie was sitting on the ground, one leg bent and hands wrapped around her ankle while her chin rested on her knee. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

He frowned, closing the distance between them quickly. What was she saying? Waiting for him? Had she hit her head maybe?

“Are you hurt?”

She picked her head up and tilted it to look into his eyes. “I know what you are.”

He was unable to keep himself from jerking back just a little bit. He mentally scolded himself quickly, stupid to react that way. “Did you hit your head? Can you remember what happened?”

She unfolded herself completely and rose up to her feet, making Marco take a step back to give her room. She seemed steady on her feet so he stayed put, waiting.

“I know. I could sense it, I think, and I noticed little things about you. Sometimes you’re a little too fast. Too strong. When you get injured you never let anyone get anywhere near you, not even Jean and you claim to go to medical but you never actually check in. You heal fast. Your body temperature is just a little bit elevated.” She listed the things on her fingers, a strange smile curving her lips.

He’d never been as afraid of anything as he was in that moment.

She moved closer until they were nearly chest to chest and all he could do was stare at her, voice stolen.

“You aren’t human.” She said finally, voice smug.

His mind was racing; what did he say to that? She knew he was different and he wasn’t sure that denying it was the best course of action. His parents claimed he was some kind of Titan, something he’d always thought kind of laughable even though some things about him were very strange. He acted accordingly even if he didn’t believe, learning to keep himself hidden and to blend in by being friends with everyone, but close to no one (except Jean. Jean had gotten totally under his skin) But he’d never turned into a Titan (that he knew of) and until Eren he’d thought...he didn’t know what he’d thought. But now he knew that it was possible, humans who were actually Titans existed beyond his parent’s insistence.

“Annie...let me explain.” Explain. Explain what? What the hell was he going to say? ‘Okay, you caught me but I’m not a bad guy, just hiding my status as secretly being the enemy!’

“I’m the same.” She reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, metal band around her finger gleaming in the sunlight. “I’m from outside the walls, you see, and I didn’t expect to find...it’s strange. How did you get here Marco?”

He said nothing, not sure how to answer. From outside the walls? How had he gotten here? Was he also from outside the walls? He couldn’t say; he’d never been all that concerned with where his parents had gotten him (there were hundreds of orphans around after all) and they’d never volunteered the information. But they knew about him, knew about Titan Shifters, so it couldn’t be a case of them just picking up a random orphan could it?

Damnit. Why had he never asked. His father was dead, had passed away two years ago, and his mother was...well they’d been gray and wrinkled even in his earliest memory.

“You should join us. You aren’t really one of them, you know that, so why fight a losing war alongside them? Soon we’ll be in the inner walls just waiting for the right moment. This will all come down around them and you should be ready and standing with us.”

Slowly, painfully slow, her words sunk in. Annie had always been open about her plans to join the Military Police and live in the inner district. He’d never thought less of her for it, even though her reasoning was more in line with Jean’s (safety, comfort, and not wanting to get eaten) than his.

She was going to infiltrate the inside. A titan, in a military uniform, right in the center of everything. Or more than one, how was he to know? She’d said us after all and, perhaps, they were all able to transform like Eren. They would bring down death and destruction on the unsuspecting public, no one would have time to prepare or fight back. The death toll would be enormous.

And then they’d be able to change back and just blend into whatever was left of the populace to lie in wait for the next time they stuck.

The military police would be hit hard.

Jean would be there.

He shook his head reflexively. Annie’s eyes narrowed, chips of blue ice in her pretty face.

“No? Well. Sorry to hear that.”

“And then she changed and ate me. More or less.” Marco lapsed into silence. Jean was shaking, stomach in knots as his nightmare came to him, only this time it was the Female Titan in his mind’s eye.

It made it worse somehow.

“Annie Leonhart confronted you and accused you of being a Titan Shifter, which you denied because you didn’t know at the time that you were. But she did.” Hange’s voice was soft and musing. “I wonder if she was able to sense others while you and Eren can’t. Oh you shifters are so unique, endless surprises for me.”

“You’re sure she said us?” Erwin’s expression was troubled. “No names or indication of how many others there might be?”

“We suspected this.” Levi muttered.

The commander nodded stiffly then turned his attention back to Marco’s cell. “What happened next? We know that when Eren was swallowed by a Titan he shifted and was healed of all his injuries but you were found days later still…”

“Missing pieces.” Hange supplied when Erwin hesitated. The blond man cast a bland look at her.

“Yes.”

Jean remembered it, having seen it it a hundred times in his mind. Part of his head, including an eye, and torso were gone, leaving a bit of hanging tissue behind. Even with his nose covered the smell in Trost has been stomach turning. Bodies covered in titan fluid, mashed and ruined then forced together into hideous balls of limbs and screaming faces, bloating and baking under the sun; that was the kind of scent that stayed with you for weeks. It had been thick and oppressive, as if it had physical presence.

And yet, with all that, Marco had been the worst of that. If he hadn’t vomited long before turning down that road he would have there.

“I thought I was dead.” Marco said after a pause.

Death, as it turned out, was boring. Really really boring. He sat, trapped in his mangled body and watched time pass. No one came by for a while then finally some uniformed people started milling about, sparing him glances but little else.

He could hear as well but there wasn’t much to hear since no one was talking to him. He had the one eye as the other had been nibbled by Annie (he laughed in his head at that, even though it was very much not funny) It had been exceptionally painful actually; he could feel the phantom pain of Annie’s blunt teeth digging into his flesh and the way he’d seen blood squirting onto those teeth as she bit down. The pain had been blinding and then everything had gone blessedly dark.

He’d assumed that was death but then...this.

His body was useless now; it wouldn’t move and he couldn’t feel anything no matter how hard he concentrated but that was probably to be expected since he was dead and all. Dead people didn’t go walking around or anything so the paralysis seemed normal in that context.

Yes, that made sense. As much as anything made sense. He wondered if death was like this for everyone, just sitting purposelessly in your body doing nothing and watching the world pass by.

How would that work for people without heads or who were burned to ash?

Maybe this was a post death lesson before moving on to an afterlife. He’d heard stories about that kind of thing from his mother, who was very into the idea of there being something that happened after a person died beyond just being dead.

The passing through of his mother caused a pang; his body was dead and unfeeling but his emotions seemed to be intact. The idea of his mother, that sweet funny little woman with her ready smile and laughing green eyes, finding out she’d lost her son just a few years after losing her husband hurt. Mrs. Bott had sounded so proud of him in her last letter and so pleased that he’d been ‘safe in the interior’ even though safety wasn’t his goal and now this. She’d be alone now, mourning a son with no one to comfort her.

He wished he could have done something for her, had been more prepared, but it was too late for that now. He only had regret.

Jean was the one who stopped and really looked at him and wasn’t that just typical? Even though his friend’s face was covered from the nose down Marco could see Jean actually falling apart before him. There was a moment of shock, of pain, of grief, and then nothing. His eyes were hazy and unfocused as he spoke to someone, giving them Marco’s information and nodding when he was told where to take Marco for disposal.

Everyone else moved on and Jean stayed, staring at him with that blank expression. Marco knew that look, the glassy eyes of a person who seen something they just couldn’t deal with.

‘Oh Jean.’

“Jean.” She fell from above, landing almost directly next to Jean. Her eyes darted over to him and he saw a flash of something there: Regret? Sadness? Victory? Who knew. Annie had always been just outside of his ability to read. “Is that...what happened?”

“They said to take his body to be burned.” Which honestly sounded rather unpleasant. Not that he was afraid he’d feel it, he just didn’t like the idea of watching bodies (namely his own) burn. Also what would happen to him after that? “But I...it’s not right. Not Marco.”

Annie nodded slowly, putting a hand on Jean’s shoulder. Somehow that gesture was more enraging than the fact she’d kill him and wasn’t that fucked up? He’d always been a little ‘off’ when it came to Jean though. He’d been hoping that one day-

Well. Didn’t matter.

“What do you want to do?” She spoke slowly and clearly, maintaining eye contact with Jean, clearly aware that the other teen was not dealing well.

“Do?”

“With Marco. You don’t want to send him to be burned but we can’t leave him here. What do you want to do.” Her other hand handed on Jean’s other shoulder, giving him a little shake.

Marco wanted to rip her hands off.

He was pretty sure he was allowed that violent impulse since she’d killed him and was  now comforting his...his. Comforting Jean as if she weren’t the guilty party.

Jean started to turn his head to look back at Marco but Annie moved with him, keeping herself in his line of sight.

“I can bury him?” She offered, voice pitched low. Jean seemed to respond to the change, fog in his eyes receding just slightly. “I know a spot. I can show you.”

‘Don’t go with her Jean!’ Marco screamed in his head, sickened that he had to watch this and couldn’t interfere.

Jean shook his head. “Don’t show me.”

Annie nodded then carefully moved Jean away. “That’s probably for the best.”

Jean left shortly after that, on foot, and Annie circled back around to him, an exasperated expression on her face. “Looks like the first stage of the withering. If he knew where I was burying you he’d probably go and sit there until he starved or something. Which would be fine, I guess, but it's kind of against my nature to allow.”

His field of vision changed as he was jostled around and then hauled up, probably over Annie’s shoulder. “Omegas are such odd creatures. I knew a woman who lost her alpha then just wandered away barefoot in the middle of winter, never to be seen again. That’s just what they do. It’s in their nature to just curl up and die like that. It’s almost as absurd as talking to a dead body.”

He was shifted again then the sound of wood breaking met his ears. A terse silence then he found himself being carried inside a building and dropped onto the floor. He imagined in different circumstances it would have hurt.

“I didn’t expect to find any here, let alone two, and Kirstein of all people. I suppose that’s how you managed to stand him. They have a way of burrowing right in like a tick. Explains why I’m actually burying you instead of burning your body.” He was face down on the floor so he couldn’t see her but he could hear her footsteps moving around. Something was thrown over him, blotting out the light. "We're all just slaves to our nature in the end. It's troublesome having someone who can pout and wind you around their finger running about. Easier to...well.

“That should be fine until nightfall.”

She muttered something he didn’t catch then her steps faded and he heard what sounded like a door shut.

Marco couldn’t help but note that she’d said more words to his dead body than she’d ever said to him before.

Chapter Text

Lost the love without the dream light it is killing me

I can’t be next to you and not think about what you’re thinking

So I just hang on your words and read between the lines

Cause you send me a postcard

You send a postcard

Postcard- Jukebox the Ghost

“Do you know where she took you?” Erwin’s hands were clasped behind his back, expression every bit as troubled as before. Hange however was crouched on the floor, using her knees to steady her notebook as she wrote, soft laughter bursting forth occasionally.

It made Jean really nervous.

“I’m not sure. Things are...confused after a certain point; I think I came out of the grave shifted. I’m not sure how long it took to regenerate or much or what happened once I did. I just knew I had to get inside Wall Sina and stop Annie. There was a lot of walking.”

Something in Marco’s voice, maybe the way he hesitated or how carefully he seemed to be choosing his words, niggled at Jean’s mind. Perhaps it was just such a large difference from the easy and open way he was used to Marco speaking but he was almost tempted to say the other teen was lying.

“How did you end up on top of the wall just as Annie was scaling it?” Hange asked, not bothering to look up from her writing.  

“I liberated a Garrison uniform and 3D gear when I was passing through Karanese then came in the city the normal way. I’d been in here a few days, keeping my head down while I tried to figure out how to get to her. I saw there was a Titan inside the walls, same as everyone else, and I knew it was Annie. I saw she was headed for the wall so...I got there first.”

“Hmm. So not random chance.”

Marco laughed; it was as friendly and kind a noise as ever. “That would had been pretty lucky.”

“I suppose I was hoping for something less mundane than you being in the area.” Hange laughed as well then stood up, stretching a little as she did. “That’s it for my questions. You’ve been very helpful to me Marco and I hope they decide not to kill you so we can work together.”

Jean was genuinely unsure if that was the sort of thing Marco should look forward to or if a quick execution would be more merciful. But then Yeager was her current favorite experiment and he seemed to like her inspite of that.

The woman gathered up all her things quickly and, with a wave at Jean and a nod at Erwin, turned on her heel and hurried away, exiting through the door at the end of the prison hall. Jean craned his neck slightly and could see the silhouette of two guards standing right outside. He’d been wondering where their constant detail had gotten off too.

Levi followed his gaze then sneered slightly. “We requested they stand outside but I’m sure they were listening anyway, ready to report back before the trial..”

“Let them.” Erwin said, tone dismissive. “Bott. I’m prepared to make the argument for Jean to be released and you to be given over to the Survey Corps but I need to be sure you’re on our side. If there are more shifters out there you could be an asset in fighting them and in Hange’s research but you need to convince me you aren’t an enemy of mankind and worth taking responsibility for. Are you prepared to give us your loyalty?”

Jean found himself holding his breath, worried yet unsure why. Of course Marco wasn’t an enemy of man; in fact Marco was almost on Eren’s level when it came to his optimism and belief that protecting humans and fighting the Titans would actually matter in the long run.

Jean, personally, was torn between hope and the belief that they were fighting a losing battle and so had always been more concerned with himself and being somewhere far away from danger. Until he hadn’t been concerned with those things at all anymore.  

Maybe that’s where the cold sick feeling in his stomach came from. If he had changed was it possible Marco had too? Was it possible learning he wasn’t human had changed him and...but he’d attacked Annie, hadn’t he? And considering the way he’d greeted Jean it didn’t seem like he was harboring any new strange hate for humans.

“I will if Jean wants me to.” Marco’s tone was as mild as if he were discussing the weather.  

Jean had a few thoughts in that moment. How could Marco mess up such a simple question? Maybe he was as suicidal as they’d always said Eren was and was hoping to be executed after all? What did he mean if Jean wanted him to?

“Oh?” There was laughter in Erwin’s voice but when Jean looked at him his expression was carefully neutral.

“Yes.” Jean could hear the clinking and metallic scratching of chains moving then Marco’s face filled up the small window of his cell door. He smiled, nodding a greeting. “I came back to find Annie but now she’s out of reach and Jean isn’t. He’s all I have left.”

“What the fuck Marco!” He wasn’t sure what was bothering him more, the casual way Marco was talking about killing someone or...the other part.

A shiver ran down his spine was, unbidden, the memory of Marco’s lips crushing against his own came back to him. The other part was more bothersome, without a doubt.

Jean heard the clinking and metallic scratching of chains moving across the ground then Marco’s face appeared in the barred window of his cell door. He smiled, all friendliness and congeniality but Jean wasn’t buying it; not when he could still remember the blazing heat of Marco pressed up against his body.

Not that he thought about it or anything.

Honey brown eyes started at Jean intently, studying him with an intensity that made Jean want to turn away. He didn’t of course; he could manage to go out and fight man eating Titans so he wasn’t going to back down now.

“Jean.” Marco’s lips quirked up just a bit.

His voice was dark and thick, Jean’s name seemed to almost drip forth and hang in the air. He felt his face heating up but who could blame him; Talking like that made even his name sound like something filthy. Jean’s eyes darted to the side, blessedly breaking contact, to find the other’s had picked up on...whatever that was as well and had all schooled their faces into those carefully blank expressions. He didn’t even want to know what they were thinking.

“Don’t say my name like that!” It was a silly thing to say and he knew that but what else could he say, really? They’d barely exchanged words at all and here was Marco, looking at him like Sasha looked at potatoes and it was just…well he didn’t like it.

He didn’t want to like it, at least.

He didn’t want to be looked at like food. It brought to mind Titans and he really was having enough trouble reconciling that Marco Bott, calm encouraging stupidly optimistic Marco Bott, was a Titan Shifter, without those hungry looks.

“What kind of things would you like me to say like that? I’m open to suggestions.” Marco’s smile was like the one he’d worn when telling the MP to be gentle with him, a small toothy slash.

Jean felt another shiver run up his spine. “I don’t care what you do.”

Erwin laid a disapproving look in his direction. Jean frowned back; he could guess that the Commander wanted Marco working with them buy what was he expected to say exactly?

“I don’t believe that. You want me to set everyone straight, don’t you? To tell them they’ve all got the wrong idea and that we never go up to anything back in training.”

Okay, maybe Jean did care what Marco did because yes, he would have appreciated all of that. He wasn’t looking forward to the looks and the whispers and whatever else could result from all of this. And worst what was he going to do when his family found out he was on trial for helping a Titan Shifter he was allegedly involved with fake their death? His mother hadn’t gotten over the shock of him joining the Survey Corps yet, this would be too much.

“No one would believe me and it’s not as if it makes much difference what might have happened before as long as it’s true in the future.”

Jean blinked. Blinked again. Closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was fairly certain he’d heard Marco correctly and, in light of everything he supposed he didn’t have much reason to doubt what he’d heard and yet-

“What?” Marco’s expression said ‘this should be obvious already and I’m disappointed that it’s not.’ and Jean felt a white hot flash of anger. “You show up and stick your fucking tongue in my mouth then ignore me for two days and now you’re looking at me like I’m an idiot? Nothing you’ve done makes sense!”

Once upon a time he would have punched Marco for wearing that expression and even now if not separated by bars and a hallway he might have done it anyway. He hated when people looked at him like that more than anything and Marco knew that.

“You’re the only thing that matters so I will do whatever it is you want me to do as long as it’s with you.”

Commander Erwin shifted his gaze to Jean, eyebrow going up. “Well?”

Well? Was he supposed to actually take that seriously?

Jean couldn’t manage a response beyond a choked noise. He wanted to-no he needed to sit down but his legs might as well have not been there for all they were listening to him. It was just too much for one day-too much for one lifetime really, and he could feel himself falling apart as it all tried to come crashing down on him at once. He felt exposed, cracked open for all to see and it wasn’t a feeling he relished.

He’d felt guilt, fear, confusion, anger and this strange feeling trying to make itself known in response to Marco’s words (it’s was a disturbing warm feeling and Jean wanted nothing to do with it) so close together and he couldn't hold it all up and he felt like he was sinking, floating away. Dots began to swim in front of his eyes.

What did that even mean? The only thing that mattered? What about Marco’s family? Other friends? The general desire to not be overrun and eaten? None of that meant anything at all, just Jean? Who even said things like out loud outside of cheesy lines recruits used to get other recruits in bed?

Was Marco trying to get him in bed?

The answer to that seemed obvious and he couldn’t stop an oddly high pitched laugh from escaping.

“Kirstein!” Commander Erwin’s voice was sharp and Jean looked up to find the man crouched in front of him (How had he ended up sitting on the floor?) “Breathe.”

He inhaled and air flooded his burning lungs.  His vision started to clear right away but the desperate feeling in his brain as he tried to find something that actually made sense to anchor to did not. He looked down at his hands, saw they were shaking, and looked back up at the older man.

“You need time to process, to think, but you don’t have that time. Having people willing to fight for you or your cause isn’t something to agree to lightly.” Erwin’s face was deadly serious and his words fell like stones. “I have to leave here and argue that you aren’t a traitor who helped a shifter fake his death and that Marco deserves to live and could be an asset to us, but he’s saying he’ll only agree if he can be with you which is a laughably small request considering.“

Jean wanted to snap back; it was easy to call something a small request when it didn’t concern you but he had a feeling that it would be hollow against someone who took on leading men to their probable deaths day in and day out.

“I believe there are more shifters out there, intelligent thinking people with the ability to change and kill without warning and then vanish. Beyond that I can assume you didn’t notice considering the...events of that day but when Annie took out a chunk of the wall? There was a face inside. A titan, inside the wall. We’ve got it covered up now but the Titans outside the wall are the least of what faces us now. We can’t afford to lose potential allies or decent soldiers at this stage.”

Jean buried his face into his hands and shook his head. He didn’t want to hear this, didn’t want the pressure that was being laid on him, didn’t want to understand what he was being told. He couldn’t be the person who made choices like this, it’d never been what he wanted. Hadn’t he always wanted to just be part of the military police and to fall in as part of the crowd and follow easy orders?

Now it was Titans outside, Titans inside, Titans in the fucking wall, and a potential asset, another card in their deck, but only if Jean said so. Jean, who wasn’t qualified to make judgement calls or decide how someone’s life should go or even allowed to argue that he actually hadn’t been fucking a Titan Shifter or helped anyone fake their death and really was just prone to incredibly stupid actions when stressed out

Like now. He was sweating yet he felt like he made of ice, frozen to the core and teetering between wanting to throw himself on his cot and just stop talking about this and-

Wait.

“Titans in the wall?” He picked his head up, squinting.

“One titan. That we know of.” Eren offered as if somehow that was less horrifying. Which it wasn’t. “Armin thinks there may be more but that’s unlikely they’ll be getting up and taking walks anytime soon. Probably.”

“Is...is that a joke? Because it’s not funny.” Eren’s expression said very clearly that it was in fact not a joke. “Fuck. Fuck.”

He was silent for a moment, allowing that to turn around in his head and as he focused on it he felt blankness creeping over him. When he’d thought Marco was dead there had been shock and grief and a feeling like everything was just too much and he was going to explode from the force of it all and then...he’d started sleepwalking through things.

He’d gotten ‘better’ with time; the fear he’d felt when the Female Titan had been staring down at them hadn’t been totally false and he had even been able to work up some serious rage towards Annie.

He could feel the same kind of eerie calm settling over him now, wrapping around him almost comfortingly. It was tempting, very tempting, to just retreat but he couldn’t help but be acutely aware that last time he’d done that he had handed over Marco’s body to Annie in his less than totally there state.

The guilt from that stung. He supposed in the end it had worked out; being burned to ash probably wouldn’t have worked out well for Marco in the long run, but that did little to alleviate the guilt. And now here he was again with someone looking at him and basically asking ‘What do you want to do?’

He wanted to get the hell out of this cell and, ideally, he’d prefer Marco to not die. It would be pretty disheartening to get to this point just for Marco to be executed.

“Okay.” His voice was quiet and he sounded tired even to his own ears. “Tell the court Marco will work with us. And that I’ve never helped fake anyone’s death, I just make poor choices. I joined the survey corps so that should be pretty believable.”

He couldn’t keep the smarmy bite out of his voice. He knew this was the best choice, knew it was the only thing that even began to have a totally favorable outcome for just about everyone.

“That is hard to argue with.” Commander Erwin’s serious expression faded back into the almost amused expression he’d been wearing before. Then the blond sighed and straightened, glancing over his shoulder at Levi who nodded in response to some silent question. “We’re out of time.”

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Chapter Five

Rattle this ghost town

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What do you know? this house is falling apart

What can I say? this house is falling apart

We got no money, but we got heart

We're gonna rattle this ghost town

This house is falling apart

Anna Sun- Walk the Moon

Marco wasn’t sure what he expected as far as how long it would take someone to return to them with news. He figured it would be a while, considering everything that had taken place, and resigned himself to wallowing on his cot until then.

He didn’t expect to hear anything from Jean and while he didn’t enjoy the silence he knew it was for the better. He had hundreds of things he wanted to say to Jean and hundreds of things to ask (how the hell had Jean ended up in the Survey Corps?), of course, but he had a hard time focusing on anything except having Jean so close and yet out of reach. It had him edgy and alternating between furious and sad.

Part of him hated the distance and raged about it, wanting to snarl and snap every time someone brought them food or came slinking by to hurl insults at Jean but never at him, oddly enough. He suspected they were aware he was in this cell, in these restraints, more of his own choice than an inability to escape. Sure, he wouldn’t get far before he was cut down but certainly far enough to push their smug little faces into the back of their skulls.

Marco was starting to suspect that, amazing healing ability be damned, Annie had caused some permanent damage. Aside from the line of scar tissue running along his body, acting as a seam between the old and new, there were some strangely dark thoughts swirling around his head. Also he was pretty sure he could smell Jean and not in the sense that Jean smelled but in the sense that when Marco focused he caught a tendril of something woodsy and dark that his mind knew was Jean.

It was...unnerving.

He wasn’t the same person he’d been before, and that was where the sadness kicked in. Sure he’d been something of a liar before and some of his personality had been forged out of a need to keep people at a distance (by being friends with literally everyone he met) but he’d known who he was.

He wasn’t violent, for one. Yes, he was ready to go out and kill Titans but when Jean had been getting into scrapes during training Marco had always been there, intervening and trying to defuse the situation. He’d been able to dissuade everyone but Yeager from fighting with Jean eventually; Eren and Jean were a lost cause that not even Marco at his best could work out. He wasn’t sure if it Jean’s crush on Mikasa or what Eren saw as cowardice from Jean or just the fact they both had big mouths and no impulse control but they could barely train together let alone keep from coming to blows often.

That didn’t seem to be the case anymore though. But then...Jean was in a cell and Eren was clearly not fully recovered. Well. Marco wouldn’t let Yeager go around provoking and picking fights with Jean anyway; Jean was his and it was his job to pro-

Permanent damage.

His reaction to seeing Jean had been something he would have never done before. He’d been attracted to his friend before but Jean clearly had a type and it involved steely silence and girl parts so he’d never tried to make anything of it. And yes that had always kind of rankled him just a little bit, chafed like a shirt worn just a bit too tight. He thought he’d be a better fit for Jean; did he not calm his friend, support him, and quietly keep him from getting his ass kicked constantly?

But those things didn’t entitle him to Jean. And better friendship than nothing at all, right?

Right.

But not anymore. 

He’d seen Jean, very much alive in spite of Annie’s last words to him, and all thought had ceased. Something else had surged to the surface, rushing up on him so fast that he couldn’t begin to hold it back. He had needed to get to Jean, to touch him and make sure he was real, to hold him to claim him and let everyone know that he was back and Jean was his and- 

The feel of Jean pressed against him, warm, solid, and just right in his arms, sharp hipbones under his fingertips, and Jean’s lips against his own lingered in his mind.

He wouldn’t be content with being friends. He was very aware of that. Wouldn’t allow it and wasn’t even sure he could give Jean a choice in the matter and that was a special kind of worrying, wasn’t it? 

He thought about talking to Jean more than once but it was those thoughts that kept him from acting. Kept him to short one word answers when Jean tried to speak to him. Should have kept him from those strange declarations and putting Jean on the spot. 

Should have. Instead he’d found himself poking at his friend from across the hallway, pushing at Jean who he knew had to be on edge already.He’d heard the anger and confusion when Jean had yelled at him and as much as he’d wanted to feel bad he’d found himself thrilling at the display. Even more so when Jean had relented and acknowledged that everything Marco would be doing would be for him. 

That wasn’t strictly true but his other motivations weren’t something he was about to share with anyone. He’d have to explain a lot of things including some lies he’d just told and probably be forced to give up on his next targets.

Bad enough Annie was safe and sound in her crystal (and didn’t that just chafe?).

After he’d escaped his grave, having healed completely and then shifted to his Titan form in his panic at realizing he was buried alive with no way to escape, he’d been unable to do anything except collapse and lie still as the Titan body slowly fell apart around him. He’d been weak and his thoughts hazy, focused only on survival and rage.

He’d been outside of a cabin in the middle of nowhere. He at some point dragged himself inside and found it well stocked with preserved food, as well as some interesting odds and ends, most notably notebooks full of thoughts and observations on society and culture inside the walls. Someone was recording everything of note about humans, the districts and various towns, 3-D maneuvering gear and fighting tactics and so on and so on.

He’d considered taking it with him and turning it in but, in the end, the idea hadn’t interested him that much. He recognized the writing and had been briefly entranced by a part dealing with the 104th trainee squad and notes about himself (He wasn’t nearly as sneaky as he’d thought) Jean and Armin specifically but since he’d been convinced Jean was dead it simply didn’t matter. He wanted it to matter, had thought about it a lot, but in the end it just...didn’t.

Nothing mattered except getting to Annie.

But now that he knew Jean was fine (angry but fine) he figured it might be a good idea to speak to Annie’s partners.He wanted to talk to them and that was the reason he had to keep this to himself; it would be hard to get his questions answered if they were taken into custody or killed. He needed to ask them about where they were from (Perhaps where he was from) and what the things they’d noted about Jean meant (omega. Superficial bonding. Shifting dynamic.)  

Then he’d turn them over he supposed. They did seem to want to snuff out humanity which he was fairly certain would be bad for Jean and thus was something he couldn’t allow. He doubted he could fight them on his own so turning them over was the best option.

He was jarred from his thoughts by the door to the prison hall slamming open and footsteps hurrying towards him. He heard the jangle of keys and then the door swung open, revealing a very tense looking Armin. The blond came into his cell and went for his chains, undoing them hastily. Across the hall he could see Mikasa standing with Jean who was sliding his jacket on and looking bewildered. Mikasa’s expression was tense, eyes narrowed and lips pressed tightly together.

Jean cocked his head then reached for the girl, clearly intending to put a hand on his shoulder. Jean wasn’t stupid by any means but where Mikasa was concerned he seemed to lose all sense or, at least, to forget that she was more likely to cut off his hand than accept being touched. It didn’t matter how many times she rebuffed him because Jean was always ready to try again, somehow oblivious to everything else.

Once he would have laughed or rolled his eyes but instead he felt a surge of irritation.

“Don’t!” He was surprised to hear his voice, tight with annoyance. Jean jumped, head twisting to look at him then back at Mikasa and back at him again. Armin went still, key in the lock of his manacles, and light blue eyes peeked up at him through golden fringe.  

Mikasa didn’t even blink though she did shift a bit to the side, putting a very purposeful distance between herself and Jean. “Hurry up Armin.”  

“What’s going on?” Marco asked as he looked down at the blond. If he didn’t look at Jean he figured he probably wouldn’t have any more outbursts. He hadn’t expected anyone to be letting him out so soon (if at all) and certainly not these two.

Unless this was some kind of breakout attempt but he didn’t think that was too likely. He couldn’t see even a Titan Shifter being worth that.

“Wall Rose has been breached.” Armin’s voice was heavy with worry. “From the South. Everyone...everyone else…” He trailed off abruptly and sat back on his heels. He was pale and looked shaky.

A flash of smell, bright and touched with salt, teased Marco’s nose. It wasn’t unpleasant, far from it actually, but he found himself pulling back slightly anyway. It was nice and yet it put his teeth on edge; something about it was off putting.

“You two are getting a reprieve.” Mikasa tossed something at him and he caught it on reflex, a shock going through his sore wrists. “Be quick. We’re leaving.”

Marco’s lips twitched at the familiarity of her terse words before looking down at the bundle. The standard uniform, bundled in a dark green cloak with the crest of the Survey Corps emblazoned on the back.

-------

He and Jean rode on horses, keeping pace with the wagon. Mikasa and Armin were flanking a bundled up (and vaguely annoyed looking) Eren and across from them were Levi, Hange, and...a priest. Everyone was silent but Marco could feel the tension like it had a physical presence. He had gotten a little information; it seemed a lot of their friends had ended up following Eren, Armin, and Mikasa and joined the Survey Corps and now those friends were directly in the path of the Titans that had breached the wall. Not just in the path but apparently heading right into the thick of things.

Marco wondered what exactly had changed in his friends while he’d been gone to push them all into the Survey Corps. Who could have predicted almost the entirety of the top ten of their squad, save Annie, ending up working not in the Military Police but the Survey corps? That had to be as unprecedented event.

Then again when you considered all the other oddities...

“What are we supposed to do now?” Armin’s voice was loud and echoing in the darkness. No one responded, leaving a loaded silence behind. Armin looked down at his hands which were balled into fists. “Wall Rose got breached all of a sudden and I...I don’t know what we should do anymore. Even if we deliver Eren and Marco to the front lines-”

Marco wasn’t sure what he thought about that part of the plan. His Titan form wasn’t as big as Eren’s, probably wasn’t as strong, probably not as fast (he’d watched Eren chasing Annie from atop the wall and Eren was fast) and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to fight like Eren could. He’d never really tried; his shifting experience was limited.

Once out of necessity when he’d been in the grave. Once as a very bloody experiment; he’d recalled Eren changed when he hurt himself so he’d tried the same thing, driving a blade he’d found in that cabin through his palm. It hadn’t worked first try and it was only out of desperation, thinking he wouldn’t be able to get to and take down Annie if he couldn’t change, that he’d driven the blade into his thigh and then...then it had worked. He’d been a little rocked, mind filled with Annie and only Annie. Control had been...well no point dwelling on that. And once on top of the wall, which was the closest he’d gotten to fighting, and honestly hanging on Annie’s arm and separating her arm from her fingers wasn’t exactly fighting.

He glanced sideways at Jean, frowning slightly. It was clear the other teen meant to go to the front lines as well and Marco wasn’t going to embarrass himself with futile attempts to change Jean’s mind maybe he should just grab Jean and drag him away what was Jean thinking anyway throwing himself into danger did he not understand that his place so he supposed he would just have to make whatever he could do be enough.

“I doubt it will change anything anymore. And why do we have a priest from the wall cult with us?” Armin’s voice rose, turning angry, as he spoke.

Hange laughed and slung an arm around the priest. “Ah, that. Well you see we’re friends with Pastor Nick now, you see?  Right?”  The priest said nothing and Marco couldn’t see his face, as he was on that side of the wagon, but he imagined the man didn’t looked pleased. “He knew about the Titan’s in the wall but until now he’s been keeping silent about it. I have no idea why but he remains adamant about keeping his mouth tightly shut where any secrets that he knows abou the wall are concerned. Apparently the members of his sect know a lot more things about the wall.”

The reaction was loud and violent. Eren was up, in the priest’s face, hands fisted in his robes. “What the hell? PEOPLE ARE DYING! How can you-ugh.”

Mikasa reached out and pulled Eren back, face as impassive as ever. She shot a threatening look at the priest then went about getting Eren back in his seat, muttering something softly to her brother.

“This is fucked.” Jean said, voice pitched low enough that Marco doubted anyone else could hear it, especially as Hange continued speaking. “So completely fucked.”

Marco nodded his agreement. “Yeah. I’m starting to think nothing and noone is what we thought they were.”

Jean made a quiet noise then pulled on the reins of his horse, slowing the animal slightly. Marco did the same, saying nothing as they fell a few paces behind the wagon. Levi’s eyes watched them, a threat as clear as Misaka’s on his face.

He waited, holding the urge to speak in place. He knew if he opened his mouth it’d be to say something he shouldn’t and he’d done enough of that. On the same note he couldn’t not talk to Jean forever.

“I thought you were dead.” Jean said finally. “I...I followed Yeager and his stupid death wish instead of joining the Military Police because of you. I thought...it wasn’t fair. For you to be dead when you were so good. You actually wanted to help people and do something and I didn’t but you were dead and no one knew why or how. It happened and suddenly you were just another dead body that meant nothing. I thought I could do something, change something or save someone, and somehow that could make your death mean something.”

Jean lapsed into silence and Marco stared, unsure if he was supposed to speak of not. He wasn’t sure what he could say to that anyway; these were very un-Jeanlike words and un-Jeanlike emotion and he was at a lost. He wanted to reach out and touch his friend, offer him a listening ear like he’d always done and at the same time he wanted to gather Jean into his arms and show his friend that he was here and very much alive.

“And maybe I thought I’d die and that would be more right.”

The words struck Marco hard. He jerked in his saddle, feeling as if Jean had reached out and punched him in the gut. Jean chanced a look in his direction then grimaced, obviously regretting his words.

Jean had wanted to die? Because of him?

A perverse kind of pleasure came with that thought and he shoved it aside quickly.

“Not like I wanted to die but I mean. I-I figured I probably would. Inevitable, right?”Jean shifted then sighed. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Doesn’t matter now does it?”

Marco didn’t hesitate this time and reached across the gap between their horses. He touched Jean’s hand, lightly at first, then let his hand rest over Jean’s. He got another furtive glance from Jean but the other teen didn’t pull away.

“I’m not dead.”

Another sidelong glance. “I can see that. Instead you’re here, being creepy.”

“So I’m creeping you out?” Marco smiled in spite of himself.

Jean’s lips quirked up just slightly then returned back a serious thin line. “Yes.”

Marco could see where Jean was coming from. He found himself pretty strange after all; all these thoughts and feelings that he couldn’t seem to get a hold on. He let his eyes drift over Jean’s face for a moment, considering his next words.

“I’m sorry.”

Jean’s eyebrows went up. “For being creepy?”

Marco shook his head slightly then tugged Jean’s hand, interlocking their fingers. He felt Jean go stiff but didn’t let go, squeezing lightly instead. Jean’s hand was a bit cooler than his own; Marco wasn’t sure if that was because Titan or just because they were outside at night.

He wanted to be able to say he was sorry for the way he was acting or at least be able to promise to stop it. Perhaps to explain that he’d had feelings for Jean before all of this or that he’d thought of Jean the entire time he’d been buried and that his desire for revenge had been less about himself and more about what he’d thought Annie had done to Jean.

Wanted to explain that the strange dark woodsy smell made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and his heart beat a little bit faster. He wanted to say that he and Jean couldn’t be like they were before because he wasn’t like how he was before. Wanted to explain that he was sorry because he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself until he made Jean his. Sorry because Jean belonged to him.

Jean met his gaze, brown eyes going dark then closing off, all hint of emotion gone. He could tell that Jean’s ability to see through people had told him things Marco couldn’t say; Jean was brash and a loudmouth and occasionally an asshole but he had a knack for reading people.

He pulled his hand back and Marco didn’t try to stop him, though he had a thought that he should show Jean that he wasn’t allowed to pull away from him. The other teen looked troubled but not angry and he didn’t attempt to move his horse away from Marco.

Marco was willing to chalk that, and the fact Jean had allowed physical contact, up to their friendship and not Jean being receptive to his advances.

“You know,” Marco looked forward where Armin was saying something, eyes bright and excited as his hands moved around frantically. Hange looked just as eager, nodding rapidly as Armin talked. “I think Annie ate the part of my brain that keeps me from doing stupid things and it hasn’t grown back.”

Jean choked then coughed, looking down at the top of his horses head when those in the wagon stopped talking to stare back at them.

Marco managed to not laugh.

The wagon had stopped and once they were within earshot Captain Levi started talking.

“This is far as the Pastor and I will be going. I’ll leave everything you; you’re the members of the impromptu squad chosen by Erwin after all. I trust you understand your role Armin? Keep coming up with ideas with Hange like you’ve been doing.”

Armin looked stricken, somewhere between shocked and pleased. “Y-Yes sir!”

“Kirstein, you’re responsible for Bott.”

Jean’s mouth dropped open. “Seriously?”

Levi’s expression was inscrutable. “He’s here for you, you accepted that, he’s your responsibility. Is that a problem?”

“No sir. But what if he shifts and tries to eat me?” Jean looked sullen. “Have you seen how he looks at me?”

The man’s tone was flat. “Bott, don’t turn into a titan and eat Kirstein.”

Jean’s expression was murderous. Marco smiled faintly; eating Jean while shifted was just about the last thing he was likely to do.  

“Yes sir.”

“Mikasa, use your every ability to protect Eren.” Mikasa had been, until that point, looking between him and Jean with a thoughtful expression but she sat straight up at that, eyes widening just slightly in surprise.

“Yes sir, I will.”

“I don’t know why you’re so attached to Eren,” The older man continued, tone implying that he didn’t actually care to know. “But remember to control yourself. Don’t make another blunder.”

Eren and Armin looked confused and troubled respectively but Mikasa simply nodded. “Yes sir. I will make sure there won’t be any.”

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Chapter six

Six O'Clock Blues

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So they say we're running out of time,
Running out of water,
Running out of light
There are far too many problems
And just not enough answers
But if we keep asking they're gon' tell us what we like

Six O'Clock Blues~ Solange 

“Ymir?!” Hange repeated, looking troubled.

“Yeah. Tall, brown hair, freckles?” Armin described the girl but his eyes were cautious. “Is something wrong Hange?”

Hange exchanged a look with Levi, inclining her head in some silent message; the small man nodded before turning on his heel and taking the priest by the arm. He lead the man elsewhere and, once they were out of sight Hange reached up to adjust her classes, a strange smile curving her lips.

“Your group of trainees is proving-”

“Hange!” Moblit, who’d been standing off to the side flipping through a stack of papers another man had brought in, broke in. He was frowning severely as he handed over the papers and pointed to a few spots; Hange looked where he was pointing and when she was done wore an identical frown.

“The results of Annie’s full background check finally came in. Among the trainees of the 104th trainee squad there are two more people originating from the same area as her.” Hange paused for a moment, looking at each other in turn, probably trying to gauge their reactions. “Reiner Braun and Bertolt Hoover.”

Jean blinked slowly then turned his head to look at his friends. Mikasa was frowning slightly, Armin’s lips were parted in surprise, and Eren...Eren looked as stupid as he always did when something he didn’t understand was happening; no surprises there. But Marco.

Marco didn’t look surprised. He had crossed his arms over his chest, shoulders stiff, and was glaring down at his feet; that was classic ‘annoyed Marco’.

“...huh?” Eren asked, blinking slowly.

“Well we do have to take into account that due to the chaos five years ago all the family records are more than a little sloppy. It seems it took them this long just to dig through all the poorly organized data and cross reference it with the rest of your training squad.” Hange shrugged one shoulder before glancing back down at the papers in her hand.

“According to our ‘bluff out the enemy’ plan during our expedition to the outer lands the two I mentioned were in groups that were told Eren was on the right flank. The female titan came to attack from the right flank as well. Now, for the record,” She reached up to adjust her glasses as she spoke. “This alone doesn’t really mean anything. I’d like you all to tell me more about their relationship during your trainee days.”

Jean rubbed at the bridge of his nose as the loaded silence washed over him. Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner? From the same area? That didn’t mean anything, really but it was strange that it’d never come up or that Reiner and Bertolt had never given any indication that they’d known Annie before.

“I knew that Reiner and Bertolt were from the same village.” Armin said slowly, eyes narrowed in a way that let Jean know he was choosing his words carefully. “But it never looked to me that Annie was close to them.”

Eren nodded, brow furrowed. “Same here. I hardly ever saw them talking to Annie but...Annie didn’t really talk to anyone.”

“I don’t recall seeing them talk either.” Mikasa’s hand was twisting the end of her scarf; it was a subtle thing but Jean knew it meant she was bothered.

Jean worried his lip between his teeth, thinking hard then shaking his head. He literally couldn’t recall more than 2 or 3 times he’d ever seen them talking. “I can’t think of anything strange.”

“Me either.” Marco shrugged; Jean noticed that his stance was relaxing. “I don’t think...I can’t see them as working with Annie. Reiner especially; he’s always gone out of his way to help everyone get better and hang out. Nothing like Annie at all.”

Something in Marco’s tone was weird. He sounded...eager? Too eager? As if feeling Jean’s eyes on him Marco’s eyes flicked over to him; the other teen’s half smile was kind of thin and honey brown darkened just a bit. Jean knew Marco as well as he knew himself, knew the various smiles of Marco Bott ranging from ‘Jean is a moron’ to ‘Must not punch this person’ to ‘this is incredibly funny but I better not laugh’.

Marco’s smile changed, becoming teasing as eyebrows drew up slightly. He shifted just slightly, bumping Jean almost playfully. Jean glared back, trying to communicate that they should really be paying attention. This was meet with ‘Skeptical Marco face’ and Jean had to admit that yeah,  Eren was monologuing again, explaining why it was wrong to suspect Reiner and Bertolt, and maybe it wasn’t the most interesting of conversation but they should at least look like they were paying attention.

Though Eren did do this a lot. It was at times hard to believe that Yeager was their big hope against being wiped out by Titans. Other times he believed it and it just made him feel extremely depressed. This short skinny idiot who seemed to have no sense of self-preservation was all they had to turn the tide in their direction.

It was enough to make him want to scream sometimes.

“What do you think Jean?” Armin was looking at him expectantly.

Damnit.

“Uh.” Jean blinked.

“Even if it was impossible for Annie to have heard you,” Marco said, drawing Armin’s attention to him and saving Jean from admitting he’d zoned out. “How would Reiner have gotten the message to her while trapped in her hand?”

This seemed to have the blond stumped for a moment which gave Jean time to catch up. Typical Marco, able to goof off and still be aware of his surroundings. Even the most boring of talks somehow stuck with him; that was probably why Marco had excelled at ‘non combat’ lessons, being behind only him and Armin in that area. It was more impressive than it sounded considering that Armin had an almost inhumane ability to retain information and asses situations. 

Jean thought back to when they’d faced the female Titan Annie and Reiner had been grabbed. He hadn’t heard Reiner say anything but-

“Her hand.” The words were out before the thought could fully form but he was saved from having to go any further because Armin was talking, probably had been ahead of him but was carefully putting it all together instead of blurting things out.

“Right! After Reiner cut up her hand and got free she stared at her palm. Maybe...I.” He glanced up at Jean then at Eren, hesitation in his eyes.

Jean could see it clearly in his mind’s eye; long slash marks in the female titan’s palm. At the time Jean had been trying not to piss his pants but now he could see where maybe...maybe it wasn’t just random defensive slashes but instead something deliberate. “It might have been letters.”

“Carved by Reiner’s blade.” Armin finished and for a moment the small blond looked almost pleased with the declaration but then, all at once, his face fell and he let out a shaky breath. He reached up and drug a shaking hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face.

Jean felt like someone was squeezing his chest and he clenched his fist, digging his nails into this skin, to will the sudden sadness away. Finding out that Annie had been the female titan had been...strange but hadn’t cut that deep because, frankly, she’d never had much to do with any of them. She wasn’t a friend.

But Reiner and Bertolt...

“Huh? What the hell is this!” Eren was shouting in Armin’s face, hands on the smaller teen’s shoulders. Armin looked alarmed and had his hands on Eren’s chest, head shaking back and forth. “How can you even say that?”

Mikasa moved between them, pushing Eren back with a grimace that bared her teeth. “Don’t!”

“All of you listen to me!” Hange’s voice was sharp and loud but her gaze was on Eren. “If we find Reiner and Bertolt act like you normally do so they don’t know that we suspect them and whatever else you may do...do not mention Annie. Understand?”

Her tone left room for no argument and they all gave their agreement, including a furious looking Eren. She nodded then sighed, reaching up to push her glasses up. “Get on your horses. We can’t waste anymore time; getting to your friends as quickly as possible is our only priority. Everything else will get figured out.”

Mikasa had a hand on Eren’s shoulder and wordlessly began to push him to a group of free horses. A devastated looking Armin trailed close behind; Jean wouldn’t have been shocked if he started crying considering his miserable expression.

“What do you think?” Marco asked and Jean shrugged one shoulder as they fell into step behind the blond. “Reiner and Bertolt? I can’t buy it. I mean...Reiner? Reiner’s a soldier to his core, I can’t see him helping to hurt people. And Bert-”

Marco was lying.

Jean stopped abruptly, staring up at the freckled teen. That eager voice again, the strange half smile, and his eyes...careful and dark, total focus on Jean. He was trying to convince Jean of what he was saying and gauging his reaction.

Marco didn’t lie though. At least Jean had never caught him lying before and, not to sound too sure of himself, Jean was very good at figuring out when people were lying. So good in fact that Marco had praised him for it (and his ability to read situations) more than once and had insisted it would make him a great leader if he embraced it.

He felt a very suspicious burning in his eyes. He blinked, trying to force it away.

“You knew.”

Marco’s eyes widened a fraction and Jean could register surprise then irritation then anger; bright furious gold rage. Marco hand was on his arm, grip strong enough to hurt and make Jean pull back on reflex. Marco bared his teeth and made quiet noise that Jean could only describe as a growl.

That was when Jean lost his mind.

At least that’s how he would later classify his reaction. Pure unbridled insanity.

In reality it was more like his mind shifted, turning panicked and afraid. Not because Marco was about to fucking kill him, which would have been completely reasonable considering the circumstances, but instead because Marco was angry with him.

submitsumbmitsubmitsubmit

The thought come to him unbidden, beating a frantic rhythm in his head and he found himself gritting his teeth against it. His head started hurting almost immediately, pressure building behind his eyes and his vision became just a touch too bright, centered around Marco.

--------

Marco had been pushing his luck with Jean and he supposed he known that even as he was doing it but with how resistant Eren was to the prospect of Reiner and Bertolt being Annie’s accomplices... He’d thought he could perhaps sway the others and manage to keep them unsure enough to follow through with his plan to get to them first.  

“You knew.” It wasn’t a question but a statement of fact; there wasn’t any anger there surprisingly but something almost like wonder, as if Jean couldn’t believe that such a thing was possible. Jean tilted his head slightly to meet his eyes and Marco could see a hint of wetness gathering in the corner.

Marco reached out and gripped Jean’s arm, forgetting himself for a moment. Jean winced just slightly, drawing back and a spike of anger went through him. Jean was pulling away, again, and his hands itched to grab onto him, pull him in and stake his claim for all to see.

He felt the disapproving rumble in his throat more than heard it. Jean went rigid; pupils dilated and the brown of his eyes were almost totally taken over by black. Jean looked away, head tilting slightly, just enough to fully expose the tanned skin of his neck.

He found himself swaying closer and leaning in. The deep woodsy smell, like wet earth and grass, tickled his nose again, and his gums itched.

“Uh. Guys?” Armin’s voice was close, too close, and washed over Marco like a bucket of ice water. He stepped back, letting Jean’s arm go and taking a shaky breath.

That was...different.

He could feel eyes on them and a sweeping look of the stable found more than a few soldiers at the ready, blades and rifles gleaming in the firelight. He wondered idly if people being ready to cut him down at any moment was going to be a constant in his life from now on.

“It’s fine.” Marco winced as Jean’s voice broke; it wasn't exactly the most convincing thing he’d ever heard but apparently it was enough. Hange clapped her hands and started shouting orders and everyone began milling about. Still the air was different and he could feel the lingering looks burning into him.

Jean turned away from him and walked to a corner of the stable and, feeling incredibly awkward, Marco trailed after him. Jean didn’t acknowledge him, opting instead to strap his gear to the horse he’d chosen. Marco hesitated; he wanted to say something but what was he going to say? He didn’t even know what the hell was going on.

‘Sorry I growled at you and was probably going to molest you in front of all these people. Funny story about that!’ didn’t really seem to cut it. Especially since there was no funny story beyond hey, not only do I want to fuck you I’m actually pretty sure I want to own you in a creepy obsessive kind of way.

Which.

Not funny.

“Are you working with them?”

Marco shook his head but Jean’s back was still to him as he rummaged through a bag. He swallowed before speaking, acutely aware that they were surrounded by people. “I just need to talk to them.”

“Talk.” Jean’s skeptical tone bit into him; a lump started to form in his throat.

“Talk.” Marco wiped sweaty palms down the front of his pants and shifted. He wished Jean would turn around and look at him; talking to his back was unnerving. “I’ve...l mean. Something is going on and it’s hard to explain and I think they might have answers. But these are questions I’d rather not ask in front of everyone.”

“Like?”

Was that a real question? It couldn’t possibly be a real question. Jean didn’t give any indication he wasn’t serious though so Marco forged onward; he could feel his face going warm and was sure that anyone who looked their way would see him turning red while talking to Jean’s back and assume he was the middle of some kind of weird love confession. Or getting shot down.

“Like what just happened? Or the fact I want to be touching you at all times. Or the weird way I can smell you. And Armin, that one time.” And why these things had only started after he’d shifted for the first time and hadn’t been problems his whole life. And why didn’t Eren seem to be losing his shit?  “Everyone is clueless here but maybe they aren’t.”   

Jean was quiet for a moment then nodded. “Get your horse ready.”

“You believe me?” Marco was...floored was not a good enough word, but also grateful. He had no idea what was keeping Jean from informing everyone that Marco had lied about not knowing who Annie was working with but he appreciated it.

Jean cast a blank look over his shoulder. “I’ll be watching you. If you do anything even remotely shifty I’ll have you put down before you know what’s going on.”

Marco had absolutely no doubt that Jean meant it.

Still. He wondered if it would be completely inappropriate to tell Jean he was kind of sexy when making threats.

Probably.

Best not push his luck.

-----------

Chapter Text

 When the day has come
That I've lost my way around
And the seasons stop and hide beneath the ground
When the sky turns gray
And everything is screaming
I will reach inside
Just to find my heart is beating

Bleeding Out~ Imagine Dragons

Mikasa could see it, the castle they were headed for, looming on the horizon. What was left of it anyway; she could see gaps in the walls, large boulders on top of crushed towers, and, of course, titans. A lot of them, milling along the last remaining tower.

In all likelihood whatever was left of their allies was in that tower. Hopefully that would include Reiner, Bertolt, and Krista, or else this trip would be largely pointless. Sure, there was still the hole in the wall that needed plugged but Mikasa knew the long term rested on those three.

They’d ridden hard through the night and spoke very little, which suited Mikasa just fine. She appreciated the silence, even if it was a result of everyone else acting like they alone were carrying huge weights on their shoulders and the tension was thick.

Honestly it was nice to get a break from all the awkward words and emotionally charged looks Eren and Armin were always shooting each other when they thought the other wouldn’t notice. If either of them had been even a little bit less disgustingly dense they’d have been past this long before now but no, instead they played this same silly game.

It was exhausting.

Now Eren was simmering with palpable rage and worse than that hurt. She wasn’t sure what was cutting him deeper right now, the thought that Reiner and Bertolt might have been working against them all this time, willing to betray him and humanity or that they would dare suspect them. Or maybe it was her specifically that was causing the rounded shoulders and gloomy look on Eren’s face.

Perhaps he’d perceived her intervention when he’d grabbed Armin was taking the small blond’s side or maybe Eren thought that she thought he was capable of hurting Armin and that’s why she acted. Neither was true, of course. She had just been trying to stop him from saying something he’d regret.

One harsh word from Eren’s lips and Armin would crumble and then Eren would drown himself in a well of guilt.

Again.

This steely silence was preferable.

The tension between Marco and Jean wasn’t as bad (but then it would take a lot to top people as stupid as Armin and Eren insisted on being.) but perhaps won in sheer terms of awkwardness if only because of the display from before.

Jean was casting looks that spoke of murderous intent at Marco’s back every now and again then frowning and looking extremely guilty. There was something going on there, that much was for certain and if Jean’s behavior didn’t give it away the way Marco was resolutely not looking at Jean would  have been a red flag.

All the time she’d know them Marco had only had eyes for Jean; she didn’t understand what he could possibly see in the loud, brash, and at times idiotic blond and yet… Soft secret smiles, fond laughter, lingering touches, and everlasting patience were all things Marco Bott had for Jean and Jean alone. Even if she hadn’t found Jean utterly repugnant (and she did) and didn’t find his persistence borderline disgusting (and it was) she never would have made any attempt to come between them.

While Marco was certainly outward kind she’d always thought there was something in his eyes that spoke of a potential for...something less kind. But then she found that most men were capable of very awful things.

Maybe it was how he kept everyone at a distance; he was everyone’s friend of course, no matter how difficult the person, but she was an expert at keeping people away and knew a tactic when she saw one.

If everyone was your friend then no one was really your friend and yet everyone was close enough to keep track of. She could see the merit in that strategy and it certainly seemed to suit Marco well enough.

“The tower!” Armin’s shouted, alarmed.

The tower was falling, crumbling. There was a Titan, smaller with long dark hair, crouched on top of the swaying structure, scrambling around as it started to lean dangerously. It managed to leap around to the far side and balanced as the tower finished its descent. It struck with enough force that Mikasa could feel it inspite of the distance; the Titans who’d been at it’s base were crushed in the rubble and, as the dust kicked up cleared, she could see the dark haired titan was crouching again, allowing smaller figures to climb down.

Humans. Four of them. They were just close enough that she could see bright blond hair drifting behind the smallest figure.

“It brought the tower down to crush the titans.” Armin said, voice thoughtful. “And it’s carrying people.”

“Those titans won’t be down long.” Jean said and she could picture his annoyed thin lipped glare perfectly. “And they’ve lost the high ground.”

“Right.” Mikasa glanced to the side, saw Hange’s expression was grim. “So we’ll have to save them. Push the horses! No one else is dying today. Eren, I want you to hang back. Mikasa?”

She understood what she was being asked; keep Eren back and out of trouble. Not a small request by any means; on the list of things Eren couldn’t abide ‘letting other people fight’ was just below ‘titans’.

“I understand.”

“What about me?” Marco spoke up and Hange’s eyes flicked back to him then blinked, as if she was just remembering he was there.

“No.” Jean said, voice hard. “You get right in Reiner and Bertolt’s faces.”

“I can do that.”

She could see a strange smile on Marco’s face from the corner of her eye; a thin grim slash that showed a bit of teeth. Eren made a huffy noise of protest and she could picture the glare he was throwing Jean but, for a change of pace, he didn’t hurl any insults, a testament to how serious he was taking the situation.

Nothing short of thinking his friends might be eaten by titans could keep Eren from picking a fight with Jean so in a way it was a small favor.

------------

Mikasa headed for the titan that was about to pick up Krista, leaping from her horse and into the air with an enviable level of control. She connected to the Titan with her gear then executed a midair turn as she was drawn in. Her blades gleamed as they descended.

She really was almost hypnotic when she fought; careful but fluid strikes, no movement or momentum wasted. Shandis had often praised her natural talent and called her a ‘true prodigy’. There were people who’d work for years and not be half as impressive as she was.

Jean had meet lots of attractive women, and even a few attractive men, in his admittedly short lifetime. Objectively he could say that some of them were more beautiful than Mikasa, some of them smarter, kinder, gentler, and far more tolerant of Jean but none of them commanded attention like she did.

“I don’t think it’s possible for you to be staring any harder.” Marco was next to him, perched on the side of a crumbling wall, and a glance in his direction revealed that the freckled teen was...pouting, looking every bit as sulky as his words sounded. Then, as if suddenly aware that Jean was looking at him, Marco’s expression became mischievous. “Has she finally said more than 5 words at a time to you? Other than ‘Get out of my face.’ I mean.”

Jean frowned; Marco had teased him before about Mikasa, and he’d always been quick to deny any attraction, but it’d always been good natured and amused.

Hadn’t it?

“Marco-”

“Hey,” The freckled teen straightened from his crouch. “We doing this?”

Jean blinked, momentarily confused by the shift. Marco didn’t wait for his reply anyway, stepping off the wall with the ‘whoosh’ of his gear firing. Jean rubbed at the bridge of his nose then sighed. Right, things to do and people to watch, he couldn’t spend time dwelling on Marco or Mikasa.

It was, he thought as he dropped down onto the pile of rubble and easily ducked a large hand that was trying to grasp him from beneath the ruins, unfortunate that those things didn’t involve killing titans. Marco went darting past, bouncing over the rubble easily and taking fingers off as he went. Quiet laughter reached Jean’s ears.

Clearly being buried alive and growing back organs and a limb hadn’t hurt Marco’s ability to hack off giant titan digits. It did, however, seem to make him enjoy it a little bit more. Or at least find some humor in it.  

“Being creepy again!” He shouted. More laughter was Marco’s response.

It was easy to fall back into laughter and teasing with Marco; too easy really. They’d made the ride out here in silence but the minute the silence had been broken it was like taking down a dam. He could still see Marco’s eyes, bright and staring down at him furiously, and feel that strange instinct to cower and he had finger shaped bruises on his arm for fucks sake. But still the jokes flowed easily and Marco’s laughter made him want to smile.

It was maddening.

He was sitting on the knowledge that Marco had lied when talking to Levi and Erwin and was probably lying about other things. He needed to tell and let everyone know that Marco couldn’t be trusted.

But he couldn’t really wrap his mind around that thought. Not trust Marco?

He ended up on the back of the ruined tower and five sets of eyes focused on him. He frowned, zeroing in on Connie, but keeping Reiner and Bertolt in the corner of his vision. Those were the two he needed to watch, but he also needed to act like everything was normal.

“Where’s Sasha?”

“Oh!” Connie blinked dumbly then shook his head. “She wasn’t with us. She went north.”

Jean nodded, relieved. She was annoying and almost as loud as Connie tended to be but she was one of them and that meant something.

“Ymir’s a titan.” Connie continued, pointing off in the direction of where the dark haired Titan had been taken down by the others. The titans that had swarmed it, pulling off chunks of flesh and gobbling them down greedily but the arrival of soldiers had distracted them and sent them lumbering off to catch the tiny targets.

“Of course she is.” Jean couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Everyone is a titan. I wouldn’t be surprised if you turned out to be one Con.”

Bertolt and Reiner exchanged a look.

Connie sputtered, looking aghast. “Wha-What?! Of course I’m not a titan!”

“You don’t have to say it like that.” Eren muttered darkly. Connie winced, hands fluttering around as he started to babble out an apology. Jean smirked then ran his fingers through his hair, trying to decide how to proceed.

“Jean.” Krista called to him. She was standing slightly apart from them, staring out at their fellow soldiers finishing off the last of the titans. “Um. I don’t- That is. Is...Is that Marco!?”  

Reiner’s head snapped around and his eyes bulged. “What did you say?”

Krista pointed and Jean couldn’t help but notice her arm was shaking. Her eyes were impossibly wide and wet; tears were gathering in the corners. Jean felt a stab of something like guilt; he wanted this to be as shocking as possible to he could get a read on the two potential traitors but he knew it couldn’t be overly pleasant for Krista or Connie to just...see Marco.

He could relate to that.

Jean’s eyes found Marco easily enough, zoning in on him before he realized he was doing it. Marco was on the ground, running towards the head and upper torso of a Titan that was otherwise still buried. Hooks arced out, hooking into the titans forehead and Marco sailed around, nimbly avoiding a large clumsy hand and snapping teeth before vanishing behind the titan only to reappear a second later, landing on the giant’s head.

The titan’s face went slack and the body started to pitch forward; Marco’s lines retracted and then he was off again, lines connecting with a part of the wall that was still standing and heading for his next target.

Marco had none of Mikasa’s fluid grace and didn’t have the power behind his movements that someone like Reiner or Jean himself had but, Jean thought as the freckled teen quickly wove his way through fallen structures, he was worth watching. He seemed to skip from surface to surface, barely putting his feet down before taking to the air again.

“Jean!” He blinked down at Connie, took in the cautiously hopeful face then nodded minutely. The noise of joy Connie let out made it hard for Jean to breathe; he wanted, in the moment, to be caught up in the happiness of seeing a good friend alive, wanted to just enjoy it for a moment. He could acutely remember the pain of seeing Marco’s body and the heart squeezing shock of seeing him again...no happiness though. Just a wave of confusion, anger, sadness, and occasional spots of fear.

Now wasn’t the time to consider all that however. He was supposed to be watching for odd reactions, not analyzing his own emotions.    

Bertolt wasn’t watching Marco actually, but was instead watching him. Then the dark haired teen turned slightly, leaning towards Reiner; lips moved but Jean couldn’t hear anything. Reiner nodded and cut his eyes to look over at Jean as well.

There was shock there, of course, but that wasn’t what he was looking for. Where Krista was openly crying and Connie was smiling so wide his face was likely to crack, Reiner and Bertolt were looking suspicious and calculating. Jean could see the wheels turning in their heads.  

“What happened?” Reiner asked, stepping towards him; alarm bells started going off in Jean’s head and he was smacked with the overwhelming urge to get as much distance as possible. Instead he stayed put and gave his full, visible, attention to the larger man.

“It’s complicated.”

Eren snorted. “Complicated? Is that what you call Marco jamming his tongue into your mouth?”

Jean fixed a dark look onto Eren who had the nerve to look smug. And, actually, yes, that was what he would call complicated.

Krista let out a watery giggle then started scrubbing at her face, trying to banish the tears. “How do you know there was tongue? How close were you looking?”

There were some laughter and insistent, but lame, defense and hand waving and Reiner’s question eventually moved into the category of ‘too far gone to be brought back up’. Eren shot him another look, while loudly proclaiming that of course he had no interest in Jean or Marco let alone both, and it was just slightly superior.

Jean had a sinking feeling that Eren had steered the conversation on purpose and that he’d be paying for the aid later.

Things shifted again when Krista realized they had located Ymir. She took off, running to where the brunette woman was being fussed over. Jean followed, Eren at his heels, and got there just in time to hear Krista, who had dropped to her knees and was now cradling Ymir’s head in her arms, proclaim that her name was Historia.

Ymir, in spite of being battered, her face looking like it was melting, and missing an arm and leg, smiled.

“I know that feeling.” Marco slid up next to him and, at Jean’s questioning look, reached up and brushed fingers over the seam of scar tissue on his face. Jean sighed, suddenly incredibly tired as once again the thought of Marco, cold and still, came to his mind.

“Neither one of us looked that happy when I found you.”

Marco hummed softly then: “Well I was missing half my face. That admittedly took a toll on my mood. If it had only been an arm and leg you might have been more inclined to cuddle with me.

Jean snorted. “You have a whole face now and I don’t want to cuddle with you.”

“Yet.”

“You two are disgusting.” Eren grumbled. “Just make out and shut up.”

Marco’s eyes gleamed. “Well I was thinking if Jean keeps rejecting me I could try it with Armin. You know we talked a lot before, when we’d clean our equipment together-”

Eren’s expression was going dark; Jean smothered a smile before interrupting Marco. “Is that a euphemism?”

“Could be.” Marco’s smile grew wider the more furious Eren looked. “It’s inappropriate to clean and tell, don’t you think?”

Krista laughed from her spot next to Ymir. She was petting the brunette woman’s hair almost absently but was watching them. She looked happier than Jean had ever seen her.

It was almost like nothing have changed. Almost like they weren’t in the ruined walls, surrounded by rapidly breaking down titan bodies, with Ymir injured and Bertolt and Reiner, probably traitors, watching them with closed off expressions. 

It was so easy.

----------

Jean broke away from Hange and headed towards him. Marco had been standing by his horse watching as Jean spoke to Hange and Armin, wondering what they were saying. He was actually supposed to be watching Bertolt and Reiner but he’d gotten pretty bored of that fast. Reiner had been refusing medical attention and looking annoyed while Bert was...well Beet. They glanced in his direction occasionally but didn’t approach him.

Connie had come over, being very...Connie. The shorter teen was happy to see him, incredibly happy, and had been going a mile a minute asking questions and never giving Marco time to answer. Eventually he’d been called away by Moblit, much to Marco’s relief.

“We’re driving the injured.” Jean pointed to the cart the held an unconscious Ymir then shouted. “Reiner! Get in the ‘Titans took a bite out of me’ cart.”

Reiner started, looking surprised then nodded and started to jog over. Bertolt followed, expression skeptical. Or as skeptical as Bertolt could look anyway.

“You’ve got until we get to the wall to talk.” Jean muttered. “I will be dealing with soul crushing guilt, so don’t mind me.”

It took some serious work to convince Krista Historia she’d corrected peevishly to take Marco’s horse and not ride back in the wagon next to Ymir. Eventually Marco had promised he’d keep watch over her and Jean had pointed out that Bertolt was a better fit because he had medical training. She hadn’t looked happy but she’d slunk off anyway.

Reiner and Bertolt sat in the back on either side of Ymir while Marco and Jean sat up front. No one said a word until they were moving through the grass, part of the procession headed back to the wall.

“Is your arm bugging you?” Jean asked, breaking the silence. Marco twisted around, catching the incredulous look Reiner was giving Jean’s back.

“You’re supposed to be dead.” Bertolt said, leveling a thoughtful look at him.

Marco laughed outwardly but wondered if Bertolt knew what had happened to him; what Annie had done. Had they endorsed the action; make him join us or kill him? “Supposed to be?”

A head tilt then a wary look at Reiner. “We heard from a reliable source so yes, supposed to be.”

“Reliable as in Jean?” He pointed at the blond who glared at him balefully. “Because he was basically out of his mind. Totally losing it without me. Or from someone else?”

“The fuck? Exaggerate more please.” The words were typical Jean but his eyes were hard and lips pressed into a thin line; his grip on the reins of the horses were turning his knuckles white. Marco could understand where riding a cart with the two people who’d been working for Annie and were, at the very least, willing to align with a titan shifter willing to kill humans would make him nervous.

Another look at Reiner. Marco could tell they were playing a kind of game now, feeling each other out, trying to see what they may have known without exposing anything.

Had Annie told them about his ‘untimely demise’? Had Annie lied to them and known he was alive the whole time. Did he know about them? Did he know that they knew about him?  

It was kind of silly, actually.

“Bert.” Reiner barked. Bertolt grimaced then turned dark eyes back to Marco.

“Don’t freak out.”

Marco arched an eyebrow and felt the question on his lips but before any words could form Bert started humming softly. Really humming didn’t quite describe the noise; it was more of a soft melodic purr.

“What’re you…” Jean trailed off, a strange look coming over his face. He blinked once, twice, and then his eyes went round and blank.

All humor at the situation evaporated all at once.

He had his hand on Bertolt before he realized he moved but, as his fingers closed around the dark haired teen’s wrist he knew without a doubt that he was going to rip Bertolt’s arm off and shove it down Reiner’s throat.

“He’s fine Marco.” Bertolt’s voice was a soft croon and it wrapped around Marco and sunk into his skin. The part of his brain that insisted Jean was his and that he should do various awful things to the blond was pushing its way forward, responding to Bertolt’s voice with curiosity.

Maybe he could hear him out and then rip his arm off for whatever he’d done to Jean. That seemed pretty reasonable.

Bertolt repeated himself twice in that same quiet but resonating voice. The wall was looming closer and, blank faced or not, Jean seemed okay so Marco withdrew. Bertolt shifted away from him just a bit; Marco huffed.

“What did you do to him?”

“Bert calls it omega space. I don’t get it but omegas in general are strange.” Reiner said, smirking slightly. “He’s just in his own head. You should probably grab the reins.”

Marco did that, sliding the leather from Jean’s slack hands. The wall was a straight shot but it probably shouldn’t have been trusted to someone who was ‘in his own head’.

“So,” Reiner said, face going serious. “Annie said she killed you. Where’ve you been?”

Chapter Text

And I really really really care

And I really really really want you

And I think I'm kinda scared

'Cause I don't want to lose you

If you really really really there

Then maybe you can hang through

I hope you understand

It's nothing to you

Damaged~ TLC

“Bertolt would like to think that she was keeping you hidden for some strange mission related reasons.” Reiner continued, ignoring the glare he was getting. “I say Bert becomes incredibly stupid where Annie is concerned and it’s more likely she’s so obsessed with Arlert she was planning to stay in the city and use you as a contingency plan if we tried to stop her.”

Marco blinked slowly, taking Reiner’s words in and letting them roll around in his head. It was interesting how much the blond had revealed, and also very risky for Reiner. But perhaps not *that* risky if their only conclusion was that Annie had been lying about killing him and merely hiding him somewhere. If that was true then it was common sense to believe that Marco already knew about them working with Annie.

Which he did. So not that far off at all.

“Annie wouldn’t do that.” Bertolt sounded decidedly sour.

“She confronted Marco after we decided that we were going to deal with Eren first. And then decided to kill him without our input.” A pause. “Not kill.”

“I was in a cabin in the north.” Marco figured it was best to stick close to the truth and not give away anything that could be challenged. If Jean had been not...whatever if was he was in his head Marco would have looked to him for help; Jean was much quicker on his feet and better at bullshitting people than he was.

“Ah. We used that as a place to go during training breaks. We never wanted to be the only 3 not going somewhere for a holiday; thought it might look suspicious.” Reiner sounded thoughtful. ”She just had you sitting there?”

Marco shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah. Just a lot of...you know, lying around.” Underground. In a box. While his body repaired from a horrifically painful injury that may or may not have caused some kind of permanent damage.

“But now you’re here. With the survey corps. I assume you were chasing Jean.” Reiner said. “Does she know you’re here?”

Hmm. Well. He wasn’t sure what Annie *knew* about anything at this point, what with being inside of a crystal cocoon and all. And he had no idea if she’d connected him to ‘surprise titan shifter ripping off my arm’ or not.

He hoped she had and that in that stupid crystal ball of her’s she was reflecting on how she’d fucked up trying to kill him and that if/when she got out of there she knew he’d be waiting to rip her head off.

“I’m leaning heavily towards no.” He said finally. “And I don’t know what her reasoning was for telling you I wasn’t really dead. I don’t know much of anything about anything.”

“She never was much for talking or explaining herself.”

Reiner seemed willing to accept Marco’s ignorance, which was good. And interesting; it seemed like there had been some tension between Reiner and Annie at the very least since he seemed to think she’d been up to something underhanded.

“What are you doing here? How did you explain away...you know, not being dead.”

He and Jean had already worked on this part, thankfully. And by worked on he meant that Jean had hauled him off and given him very plain instructions on what the story would be and so help Marco if he fucked up Jean would kill him for real.

“Told them I ended up shifting into a titan during the Trost battle then freaked out and ran off but now I’m back and ready to fight for mankind. And that Jean saw me change and must have blocked it out or something. Everyone is so desperate for some kind of hope they’d accept anything if they thought it’d help turn the tide.”

Which, again, wasn’t all that far off. That he’d been able to regrow limbs and part of his head was no more believable than the story Jean had invented for him. In fact the idea that he’d run off and Jean had gone into shock then come up with some kind of story to deal with said shock was probably less absurd by every measure.

And the Survey Corps was desperate. He’d been associated with them all of 3 whole days and he could tell that much. Not that he blamed them; it seemed like he crawled out of his hole just in time to see everything go completely insane.

“What makes you think I was chasing Jean?” Which he hadn’t been. Stumbling across a very alive Jean had been a been a genuine surprise...but if hadn’t assumed Jean was dead then he probably would have been chasing after him, if he was honest with himself.

It was Bertolt who answered this, voice devoid of emotion. “Because that’s just what you all do. Once an alpha decides on an omega they’ll do whatever it takes to be close to them. No matter how stupid or pointless it is.”

“He’s talking about Annie.” Reiner stage whispered. Marco couldn’t see it but he could feel the brunette’s sour expression. “Normally you wouldn’t go after someone elses omega, it’s pretty impolite, but Annie...does what she wants. She went after Arlert anyway. I don’t know how she could stand it, since he reeks like Yeager.”

Marco tilted his head to the side, flashing back to when Armin had unlocked his chains in the prison. He’d caught that kind of pleasant and yet he’d recoiled from it instinctively.

“I got close to Armin and something made me want to get away from him. Is that because he...reeks like Yeager?”

Reiner let out a short bark of laughter. “Yeah. That is exactly what it is. Someone else’s mate, or potential mate, should smell just ‘off’ enough to repel you.”

“And that’s normal. Being able to smell Armin, being kind of obsessed with Jean, and-”

“Annie didn’t explain?” Bertolt interrupted then pushed on, answering his own question. “Probably no need. You weren’t supposed to go wandering off, were you?”

There was silence but Marco got the feeling there was a very intense silent conversation going on just behind him. He waited as now they were getting to the questions he wanted answered and he was willing to wait.

Within reason. They’d be at the wall soon and then...well he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have another chance for this. He knew, at least, that they hadn’t known Annie was going to seek him out or (attempt to) kill him and he found that strangely comforting. The notion that the three of them had been plotting against him had been...alarming.

Of course on the scale of ‘alarming’ things he’d encountered lately it was pretty low on the scale over all.   

“It won’t hurt anything.” Bertolt said at length. Marco could hear ‘Any worse than things are already hurt.’ heavily implied.

“Well, simple version.” Reiner’s voice took on the tone that was reminiscent of an adult getting ready to explain something complicated to a particularly stupid child. Marco decided to not take it personally.”In...um. Our home village? Yeah, In our home village everyone falls into one of three dynamics and...no. Wait. Here, everyone is either a man or a woman. Women carry children, men don’t.”

Marco turned to shoot them a look of wry amusement. “Is that right?”

Reiner ignored him. “In our village there are three dynamics. Alpha, beta, and omega; all alphas can father children and all omegas can carry them. Annie is a woman but also an alpha, so she could father a child. Bert here-”

Bertolt’s sigh was uncharacteristically annoyed. Reiner didn’t even pause.

“Is an omega and could carry a child. Beta’s are the same as men and women like you’re used to it. We didn’t expect to find alphas and omegas inside the walls but there are some. Rarely. I think they must mature and then someone tak- Well. Nevermind that. Arlert and Krista are omegas; they tend to be kind, soft, sweet, and small. Caregivers. Except when they aren’t . You and Yeager are Alpha but that’s not ‘natural anomalies’ like we thought at first. Alpha’s are bigger, more aggressive, angrier, possessive. Warriors.”

Marco didn’t think he was any of those things. ...or he hadn’t been before, at least.

“And Jean.” Bertolt added.

This brought Marco out of the tailspin his brain had fallen into. He was letting them talk, and listening, but he couldn’t really say any of it was making any sense to him because it was just too...much.

Which was really saying something, considering the circumstances.  

“What about Jean?” It said something, probably, that worry for Jean could clear his mind almost instantly.

“Late bloomer. Gonna be a pain in the ass soon. More than usual, if that's actually possible.” Reiner said, tone bland. “You can smell that he hasn’t had his first heat. Late bloomers are the worst.”

Bertolt snorted.

-----------

Jean was confused and very very unhappy. Unhappy was actually something of an understatement. One second he’d been in the cart with Bertolt humming at him, which was somehow actually not strange compared to things like ‘Titans in the wall!’, and the next he was sitting in the cart, next to the wall, with Marco calling his name.

Ymir, Bertolt, and Reiner were nowhere to be seen and, in fact, most of the soldiers had already scaled the wall those left were milling around, paying no attention to them.

He’d lost time, clearly. It had happened before, right after he’d thought Marco had died; he’d be in one place then end up somewhere else with only a blank spot in his memory to go along with. He’d figured it was a symptom of shock and it was always small gaps in time; he would blank out in the shower then come to at the table for breakfast. Not exactly worth being super troubled by, especially with everything else going on.

But he wasn’t in shock now.

Was he?

Marco settled back in his seat, looking relived. “I was worried. Bertolt said all I had to do was call you back but I-”

“What happened?” Jean heard his voice and the nervous note then took a deep breath, trying to will down the panic rising in his throat. He was not going to let himself freak out now; there would be plenty of time for that when he was somewhere (relatively) safe and not in public. Breakdowns in the field were Eren’s specialty, not his.

“Uh.” Much to Jean’s confusion Marco blushed. “I talked to Reiner and Bertolt. They are absolutely working with Annie, in case there was any doubt.”

There hadn’t been and yet Jean still inhaled sharply, the stab of hurt that revelation caused taking him by surprise. He’d already been fairly certain this was going to be the case, it all added up so perfectly, but actually hearing it felt like salt being rubbing into a fresh wound; hot and painful.

Marco was watching him, honey colored eyes reflecting concern and worry. “Hey, Jean-”

“We trusted them. They’re supposed to be our friends but they’ve been lying this entire time.” The other teen’s hand twitched and Jean was certain Marco was going to reach out for him but, instead, Marco raked a hand through his hair, grimacing. Something like disappointment made Jean frown and look away. “We have to let Hange know. We...we need to let everyone know. And then make them tell us what’s going on.”

“I need to talk to you about what they told me.” Marco’s voice was high and strained. “It’s...a lot. And I think you’re going to want to hear it first.”

Jean was almost positive he didn’t want to hear anything at all about what Reiner and Bertolt had told Marco unless it involved them deciding to throw themselves off of a very tall building to their deaths but, rather then say that, he just sighed. “Marco, I know things are weird for you and I don’t want you to think I don’t want to hear about whatever, I’m sure, fucked up things you’ve learned but-”

Marco did touch him this time, hands large and just slightly warmer than Jean was, wrapping around his hands. “I need you to listen to me. I don’t think the walls are going to come down if you spend ten minutes down here with me.”

Jean licked dry lips then nodded. He pulled his hands back then hopped off of the cart. He worried his teeth over his bottom lip then started walking away from the cart and, most importantly, out of earshot of the other soldiers. Marco trailed after him, silent. Once Jean was sure they were far enough to not have anyone wander closer accidently and overhear he stopped and turned back to Marco.

A shaky smile. “Hear this all the way out.”

He nodded and Marco started talking. By the time he was finished Jean could feel his fingernails cutting into his palms and taste metal in his mouth. Marco stared down at him, lines of tension between his eyes then touched Jean’s face, thumb touching his bottom lip. Jean became acutely aware that not only was he still biting his lip he’d actually drawn blood.

His head was starting to hurt.

He brushed Marco’s hand aside then wiped the blood away before giving the only response that, in his opinion made sense. “I guarantee you that I do not have the required parts for carrying children and I think I would have noticed if, at some point, I had acquired those parts. And I am not a late bloomer.”

All of his parts worked just fine and there was a girl in Trost would could attest to that.

And that was that, really. He didn’t know what strange things happened where Reiner and Bertolt were from, in the land of Titan Shifters and human murdering, but even assuming Jean was willing to go along with this whole Alpha and Omega stuff (and sure, why not, it wasn’t any more unbelievable than anything else.) he certainly wasn’t anything other than male and normal.

Marco blinked owlishly. “That’s good to know.”

He felt his face growing warm but Jean did his best to keep his expression the same threatening one he’d been wearing all day. “Don’t mention this to anyone. Or do. But not that part. About me.”

Whatever Marco might have been about to say was lost was lightning arced from the sky and came crashing down onto the top of the wall; once, twice.

Jean craned his neck back, watching one massive arm sweep out and the familiar skinless head of the colossal titan rear up. Behind it, crouched low, was the armored titan. He watched, frozen in place, as the armored titan scooped up a smaller figure then vanished, probably jumping down onto the other side. The colossal swung his arms again, slamming into the wall and, like scattered toys, soldiers started falling. Jean didn’t watch them; his eyes were glued to the limp body in the titans hand,

The titans brought both of it’s hands up and opened it’s mouth; Jean’s stomach sank and he shut his eyes but he could still picture it; see teeth crunch through bone and the splatter of blood.

Chapter Text

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Chapter Nine

Zombie

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Another head hangs lowly
Child is slowly taken
And the violence caused such silence
Who are we mistaking
But you see it's not me
It's not my family
In your head in your head
They are fighting

Zombie~ Cranberries

Bertolt and Reiner were the Colossal and Armored types. They weren’t just titan shifters and they weren’t just working with Annie and hadn’t just tried to help her kidnap Eren...they were the fucking titans who’d brought down Wall Maria and tried to do the same with Wall Rose in Trost.

Jean could still acutely recall the panic he’d felt when he’d realized it was his home district that was at risk, that his mother and sisters could have been among the casualties. It was the first time everything had become real to him; he’d heard Eren’s voice in his head, recounting the fall of his own district, over and over.   

Eren’s mother had died, devoured by a titan, and what was to stop Jean’s family from ending up the same? He’d been so sure that he’d lost not just his best friend but his family in Trost.

As it’d turned out Jean’s mother and younger sisters had been visiting his oldest sister, who’d married some minor noble and lived in one of the northern districts. His mother had intended to come back to celebrate his graduation and bring his older sister with her as a surprise.  

It was nothing but luck that his family had been somewhere else.

It had been a series of long horrible days before he’d known that though and the happiness it should have brought had been pretty much lost on him at the time.

In hindsight losing them as well as Marco probably would have crushed him so badly there would have been no chance of recovery.

Jean sucked in a deep breath then glanced sideways at Marco who was staring up at the colossal titan, mouth open in shock. Clearly this little bit of information hadn’t come up in that incredibly weird discussion he’d had with Bert and Reiner.

And he was not even going to think about the insanity Marco had shared with him because...what the fuck had that been?

“We need to be up there.” Jean said finally. The soldiers who’d been knocked clear and weren’t injured were already rushing back to the top, weapons in hand.   

Marco’s eyes slid over to him and Jean found his eyes dark and glittering, pupils blown so wide they had taken over most of the color. He saw a glitter of metal in Marco’s hand then, with far less hesitation than Jean was comfortable with, his friend was slamming the blade into his thigh.

Jean threw himself back, cursing; he saw the flash of pain on Marco’s face then he hit the ground and light came arcing from the sky, bright enough to white out his vision for a moment. When it cleared he found himself staring a very large foot.

“Shit.”

Marco crouched, putting his hand on the ground in front of Jean, allowing Jean to see he had sharp claw like fingers. He swallowed then, with a look up at surprisingly soft amber eyes, hauled himself up and into Marco’s hand.

“There are no words for how happy I am you aren’t skinless.” Because of course that was the point where it may have been too much.

He’d seen Marco’s titan form of course but he’d been preoccupied with getting his mouth assaulted and then hauled off to jail to really look at it. Marco was about 13 meters tall by Jean’s assessment, and lean, muscular but not to the degree Eren’s titan body was. Really it still closely resembled Marco from the shoulders down with tanned skin and a familiar smattering of freckles over his shoulders and arms. The face however...that was different. Deepset eyes glowing a luminous amber, thin lips that just barely covered rows of teeth that would be more at home on a wolf than anything else, pointed ears peeking out through a curtain of long dark hair.

And yet there was a spray of freckles under those glowing eyes and it was somehow absurdly out of place while being just right.

Marco huffed then, with exaggerated carefulness, brought his hand up to his shoulder. Jean took the hint and hopped down, trying not to be unnerved by the sheer massive amount of space his friend now took up. He was standing on Marco’s shoulder, with plenty of room to spare.

What had his life become?

Marco moved and everything shook and lurched. Jean tipped, landing rather unceremoniously on his ass and he saw a large glowing eye moving to glance at him and wow, it just got creepier and creepier. He never ever wanted to be this close to an eyeball again.

“I’m fine!”

Probably.

Marco must have been satisfied with that because he was moving, leaping onto the wall and Jean was hit with a wave of nausea as the world became a blur of color.

There was a jolt that had Jean digging his fingers into Marco’s skin. He spared a frantic thought to whether or not he was hurting his friend but Marco was scaling the wall fast and without a noise. Really Jean was probably no more than a bug giving him a shallow sting.

Marco swept over the lip of the wall and then hesitated; he hadn’t stepped on anyone, thankfully, but Jean could feel the ripple of shock his appearance was causing among the soldiers. Marco shifted then fell into a crouch, shoulders hunching slightly and head bowing until his chin touched his chest, as if trying to make himself appear smaller.

Jean stood up shakily, legs feeling oddly weak, and stood on the edge of Marco’s shoulder, arms crossing over his chest as he fixed his best glare on the people staring up at them.

“Marco! Jean!” Armin shouted up at them, looking relieved and as if there was nothing even remotely strange about Jean riding a titan. “Bertolt is the colossal.”

Bertolt? Quiet, careful, friendly Bertolt? Had brought down walls, caused the death of hundreds, and had just eaten two people before their very eyes.

Jean swallowed, bitter taste of bile rising in the back of his mouth.

“Bott and Kirstein, good!” Hange came swinging into view, landing lightly then holding an arm up. At once all eyes were on her. “Men! We are going to bring down the colossal type! It’s only half formed, it’s slow, and it only has arms for defense! Attack the arms, distract, and give Bott a clear shot at it’s neck.”

She looked up at them and Jean saw none of her usual humor there. “Tear him out. Don’t make any special effort to take him alive.”

Marco made a rumbling noise that sounded like an affirmative. Jean’s stomach clenched.

Is this what it was coming to? Killing their friends?

---------

“Be careful.” Jean said, voice pitched so low that Marco wasn’t even entirely sure he heard it and he certainly wasn’t in a position to ask for clarification. The blond scrambled down from his shoulders and stood next to Armin, face a mask of fury.

Marco could smell the rage and fear in Jean, turning his usually pleasing scent sour.

Things moved fast after than, Hange’s group splitting into two and darting towards Bertolt, slashing and cutting at his arms and shoulders. Hange had been right, Bertolt was slow; one of his massive arms swung out almost laughably slow and the far more nimble soldiers managed to avoid him with what looked like no great effort. But Bert wasn’t stupid so, for the first few terse seconds, Marco watched, staying in his crouched position, as the colossal's other arm stayed over the back of his neck, protecting his weak spot.

Then Armin and Hange were at it’s shoulder, blades biting deep and blood splattering. Jean followed, cutting in the same spots, deepening the wounds. There was another pass by soldiers Marco didn’t know by name, slicing below the arm.

The colossal’s arm slipped just slightly out of place; it didn’t leave the neck totally exposed but the fact Bertolt wasn’t trying to move it meant that he couldn’t. That was Marco’s opening.

He unfolded from his crouch, vision narrowing to just Bertolt, just his neck, just the spot he’d sink his teeth into and pull the other man out of. He raced forward, crossing the distance as the rest of the world became a blur of noise and color.

He couldn't believe that these two were the cause of everything and he couldn’t help but think they’d been quietly laughing at them, at humanity, the entire time. Join up, become soldiers dedicated to protection, make friends and talk about strength and fear and doing doing the right thing, all the while causing the death of hundreds.

They’d sat by while Eren talked about losing his mother, knowing it was them that’d taken out the wall.

They’d known Jean’s family lived in Trost

He’d known, logically, that if they were Annie’s allies and the woman had no issue killing and spoke of destroying humanity inside the walls that Bertolt and Reiner couldn’t be much better but he’d never...He hadn’t expected this and he should have. Should have seen this coming.

This shouldn’t hurt and yet, somehow, it was worse than Annie.

He jumped, catching the way the colossal’s eyes widened slightly. He felt his lips pulling back into a smile that he knew had to look awful.

I’m going to bite into you then drag you out there and tear you apart. I’ll make it so you have no chance of putting yourself back together.

There was a spark of fear and alarm in Bertolt’s eyes.

Were you laughing at us the whole time?

He was close, could feel the heart from Bertolt’s body. Could hear the hiss of steam.

Something in Marco’s brain screamed a warning but it was too late, he was coming down onto Bertolt’s back.

He roared, pain running through his body as Bertolt erupted into a cloud of steam.

-------

Jean heard Marco’s pained scream and, in spite of Hange’s order to get back, he found himself twisting around to go back towards the colossal titan. Probably would have dived right into the furious heat if Armin hadn’t been at his side with a surprisingly strong grip on his elbow.

“Jean, wait!” Jean growled, honest to god growled, and tried to shake the smaller man off but Armin just gripped him tighter, nails digging in hard enough to make Jean wince and glared back, snarling.

Distantly Jean was aware that this was a very strange moment in a long string of incredibly strange moments and yet he couldn’t do anything but glower. He needed to make sure Marco was okay, needed it so bad it set his teeth on edge and Armin was in his way. 

A figure, huge and billowing smoke, burst out of the cloud and then tumbled off of the wall. Armin’s grip went slack and, with one last dark look, Jean was over the side as well, descending faster than was probably strictly safe. He hit the ground next to where Marco’s slumped titan’s form was resting against the wall and exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

Marco’s skin was red and blistering, wisps of smoke escaping where the skin was cracking and opening to expose wet red. One side of his face was black and already the skin was falling off in smoking sheets and the eye on that side was shut tight but Jean was sure whatever was under there was not good if the fluid and titan vapor leaking from under the lid was anything to go by.

He bent over and retched. The breathy noise Marco made sounded concerned which, considering his face was sliding off, was kind of funny. Jean couldn’t do anything but cough up acid and wave a hand in what he hoped was a ‘don’t worry’ manner.

He was fine, really. Just very aware of how familiar this position was.

Maybe not fine. His mind was screaming and his thoughts scattered and broken. He needed to sit down, to breath, to sleep, to think, to not have the image of Marco’s ‘dead’ body behind his eyes every time he shut them.

“This isn’t a time to be sick.” Hange’s voice came from overhead and a lookup found her and handful of others hanging from the wall.

“Eren’s going berserk. We need to get him back to the wall.” Armin dropped down next to him, grimacing. “We need time.”

Jean was suddenly very aware that yes, Eren was squaring off with Reiner some distance away and yes, judging by how Eren’s face was engulfed in titan vapor while Reiner didn’t appear to have any scratches on him it was going badly.

He straightened up and squinted up at Marco, finding the still intact eye peering down at him, no doubt waiting for Jean to say something. Judging by the look Armin was wearing he was waiting on Jean too. He wanted to be sick again.

Wanted to, but wouldn’t. “Can you get up and help Eren?” He could keep it together a little while longer and then he’d find a room to lock himself in. Maybe forever. 

A rumbling noise of assent and Marco was pushing himself up. Jean bit his lip and pushed the part of himself that was hoping the shifter would just stay put away. He also ignored the sympathetic look on Armin’s face because those sad understanding blue eyes were just too much to fucking handle.

-------

Eren was up, on his feet with his hands up in the stance he’d learned from Annie. He’d thought about her when he’d been on the ground and he wasn’t sure why but in the long run it didn’t matter. He felt like shit and he was angry, so angry he was seeing the world tainted by a wash of red, or maybe that was because of the damage Reiner’s punch had caused.

He was tired of this. So tired.

He was dimly aware of people yelling at him but it didn’t matter; they were tiny bugs giving him orders and easily ignored.

He was going to make Reiner pay.

He lunged and Reiner did the same, swinging a huge armored fist for his head.

“It’s because you don’t hold back when you come at me that the collision is so hard.” Annie’s voice in his head. “The weak have to resort to using self protection techniques against those who are stronger than them.”

He ducked Reiner’s fist then wrapped his arm around the armored titans neck, enjoying the surprise he could feel from the other, and yanked. Reiner went down hard and Eren scrambled on top of him, using one knee to pin down an arm and the other to hopefully provide enough leverage to keep Reiner down.

------

Fucking Annie.

The move Eren used to bring him flat onto his back was one of Annie’s and Reiner sighed internally. Even when she was no where in sight (no doubt very busy keeping up appearances in her cushy military police life) she was fucking him.

Bertolt wanted to believe in Annie but Reiner wasn’t so inclined. He knew she was compromised and couldn’t be trusted; she had Arlert’s scent in her nose and for all she’d insisted it wouldn’t be a problem it was. Not only was she obsessed with the little blond but, rather than just having it out with Eren like normal Alphas would do in a claiming dispute, she’d decided to screw around with Armin while teaching Eren almost everything she knew.

Not that he begrudged her the former; if she could get past the fact that Armin wasn’t just covered in Eren’s scent but that Eren smelled like Armin, meaning the claim was mutual, far be it for him to tell her what to do with her knot. If she wanted to pine after something she couldn’t have while muttering about ‘in different circumstances’ it wasn’t something that bothered him. It was pathetic and not befitting a warrior but this place and these people had gotten to them all in certain ways.

But teaching Eren to fight? That was a problem.

Probably some misguided attempt to make Eren more capable of protecting the omega they were both interested in and sure, at the time they’d just thought Eren was an anomaly among the humans. They’d encountered a handful of alphas and omegas while living among humanity before meeting Yeager and Arlert so it wasn’t *that* strange.

But maybe it should have been. Eren, Marco, Armin, Ymir, Krista, and Jean...too many in one location? At the time they hadn’t thought so. They were from different districts, hadn’t known each other (Eren and Armin aside) and didn’t seem aware of what they were or each other. But now that initial assumption was proving false in so many ways and was literally coming back to pummel Reiner.

Sometimes he wondered if Annie had known about Eren all along. She’d pegged Marco all on her own after all and had hidden that he was alive so who was to say what she was willing to do. Reiner was positive she wanted to drop the mission and stay in the walls; Bertolt didn’t believe that and normally he’d defer to the taller teen but when it came to Annie… Bert stopped being the smart and reasonable person Reiner knew and trusted to watch his back and turned into just another stupid omega desperate to be fucked.

His life would be so much simpler if Annie had just responded to Bertolt.

Reiner dug his heels into the ground then thrust his hips up and arched his back, grabbing onto one of Eren’s shoulder and throwing his weight to the side in an attempt to flip the other shifter. If he could get Eren pinned he could end this quickly and get back to Bertolt then work on an exit strategy. Everything was going to hell entirely too fast.

Eren was underneath him, glaring at him with those narrow green eyes then with a twist and yank Reiner found himself in a hold; Eren’s legs were around his neck, locked in place, while he yanked and hyperextended his arm.

Submission hold.

He had taught Eren this move.

Fuck him, and the strange surge of pride he felt, too then.

He reached up and gripped Eren’s thigh, intending to pull the limb off if needed, when he caught Eren’s eyes flicker to a point above his shoulder. Reiner craned his neck and caught one amber eye and gaping maw, wide open to expose teeth that looked like they would have been at home in an animal’s mouth.

---------

Reiner jerked, somehow remaining silent as the amber eyed titan clamped razor sharp looking teeth down on his arm. Eren had seen the titan coming and for one tense moment he’d been worried (Jean was right after all, everyone was a fucking shifter) but then he’d caught sight of ridiculous looking freckles and had known that this titan was no threat to him.

Which was good because somehow those teeth were sinking in, going through Reiner’s armored flesh, which meant they'd have no problem tearing into Eren. Then the amber eyed titan was moving back, rolling away as Reiner flailed his free arm. The teeth, two perfect rows of sharp off white, remained behind, lodged deep as blood seeped around them.  

Eren took advantage, using his legs to push Reiner to the ground again and rolling with the movement. He ended up on his knees with Reiner’s upper arm between his thighs. He grasped Reiner’s hand, a strange parody of a helping hand, then threw his whole body backwards. There was a ripping noise then Reiner’s arm jerked free with a spray of blood.

Eren rolled through the movement, ending a short distance away in a crouch.

Reiner’s grimace of pain might had been the most satisfying thing Eren had ever seen.

“EREN!” The voice cut through the angry buzzing of his thoughts. Armin. “Can you hear me?!”

Stupid question. He could always hear Armin; he just wasn’t always inclined to listen to what he was saying. He rose up and cast a glance back, seeing Armin, Mikasa, and Jean standing amongst a sparse of clump of trees.

“You have to run! Head back to the wall.” Things like this where why he didn’t always want to listen to what Armin had to say. As if sensing the thought Armin glared. “Reiner’s objective is to take you. We’ve got to prevent that from happening.”

Reiner was rising from the ground and Eren considered that dark expression. He could still fight and now he knew he could do serious harm to the armored titan. Plus there was the freckled titan- Marco no doubt- who had drifted closer to him. But Marco didn’t look to be in great shape; the muscle on half of his face was totally exposed, one of his eyes was dripping and smoking, his mouth was covered in smears of blood, and one of his arms was a red, blistered, oozing mess.

Plus he’d left his teeth in Reiner’s arm and Eren imagined that would prove to be an issue.

“You three need to get back. It’s dangerous staying here!” Moblit was behind them, one hand on Jean’s shoulder. Armin’s lips pressed into a thin line and Eren knew without words that the blond wouldn’t move until he did. Mikasa was wearing a similar expression and Jean...Jean actually looked like someone had taken a heavy object to the back of his head; glassy eyes and blank.

Damn it. The desire to protect them was strong, stronger than his anger. He couldn’t let Armin and Mikasa stay down here in harms way; they were all he had.

Pack

Jean could stay and get stepped on for all he cared.  

The walk back to the wall had him nervous; Reiner’s arm was pushing out vapor and his expression was furious. He wasn’t moving with any particular urgency but his movements were deliberate, his gaze calculating. Marco filled the space between them, muscles tensed in a way that told Eren he was ready to go for the armored titan at the first sign of attack.

The other’s were back on the wall, hanging just to the side of his head. He could hear Armin praising him for coming back and it was slightly disgusting how good it made Eren feel.

He had a problem where Armin was concerned. He lived for those smiles, those bright blue eyes, that soft soothing voice, that salty sweet smell, the occasional touches and blushes. He dreamed about those things.

Which was the problem. He didn’t know how he knew it but he knew if he got any closer to Armin, did any of those things he dreamed about, that he would want to not just be with his friend but he’d want to posses him.

Armin wouldn’t get a choice. He would belong to Eren whether he liked it or not and Eren couldn’t do that to him. Even if Armin started out returning his feelings how long would it be before he realized that Eren was really a monster, not just capable of terrible things but willing to do them when Armin was involved? He’d been willing to hurt other’s for Armin their entire lives, getting into fist fights with anyone who’d even give the blond a dirty look, and that was before...before this. Now he’d kill and destroy and demand and do whatever it took to keep Armin protected and he knew that would be dangerous for both of them.

Armin would want to get away eventually and, if he ever crossed that line with the blond, he knew he’d never be able to let him go. Knew he would kill Armin before he’d let him get away.

Chapter Text

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Chapter Ten

Will the Wind Ever Come 

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You, left me on the shoreline

You will stand and bare

But you, I'll find you waiting

You were waiting for me, waiting for me

Tried to kiss the emptiness

Lost the line between sky and sea

I feel the sun coming up, coming up, coming up, coming up

But I don't know, I don't know where I am

I will break or I will bend

Will the wind ever come again?

The Fray~ Wind 

The freckled teen flopped down onto Jean’s bed, forcing Jean to draw his legs up to his chest lest they be crushed under Marco’s enthusiastic bouncing. Even though Marco was in the bed next to his and could easily say whatever he had to say without crawling into Jean’s space the other teen always managed to do just that and no matter how much Jean scowled or what manner of annoyed huffy noises he made at the invasion of his space Marco kept it up. If there was one thing he hated about Marco it was his total disregard for personal space.

...Actually it was just Jean’s personal space he seemed to not give a shit about.

From the first day they’d met Marco had established himself as a ‘friendly’ guy, which was fine by Jean. Jean knew lots of chronically friendly people and as such he didn’t mind a guy who was cheerful every morning, always said hello to him, and occasionally engaged in him in mostly one sided conversation or sometimes sat with him at meals, chatting away with little care for the fact that Jean didn’t really listen.

Jean wasn’t here to make friends, wasn’t really interested in that prospect at all, so interaction with someone like Marco didn’t bother him. At first Marco hadn’t expected anything in return and simply talked to Jean like he talked to everyone. He was ‘friendly’ and that’s what friendly people did.

But had Marco stayed shallowly friendly? No, of course not. Instead he’d looked at Jean and Jean’s less than social tendencies and decided, somewhere in that stupid freckled head of his, that Jean was the person he wanted to be closest to.

One day, about a month into training, Jean had come back from showering and found that the formerly empty bunk connected to his own was now occupied by one Marco Bott.

Everything had gone downhill from there.

Marco had started asking Jean questions about himself and his family and where he was from, clearly trying to learn more about him. He’d started taking all of his meals with him, sparring with him, popping up to defend him and diffuse his fights. On a few occasions Jean had even caught the freckled teen telling people that he was actually not as bad as he seemed and was actually a really good person.

Marco was trying to do irreparable harm to Jean’s reputation. He had actually, for a little while, suspected that maybe Marco was just pretending to want to be his friend in order to screw with him (Jean had a particularly depressing story about a girl he’d thought liked him that had ended up being a joke at his expense.) But that wasn’t Marco’s style; he killed people with smiles and kindness, right in their faces, not with mean schemes behind their back.

Worst than all the reputation destruction and the way Marco got under his skin, making it so Jean was at a point where he actually lingered in the morning waiting for Marco to get ready, was how the freckled teen seemed to lose all sense of appropriate distance where Jean was concerned. He sat practically in his lap when they ate, stood alarmingly close during lineups, stood close enough that they brushed against each other when they walked, touched him casually, and had no problem taking over both bunks or practically curling up around Jean in the middle of the night. More than once Jean had woken up and had to extract himself from Marco’s impossibly strong grip, scurrying away before anyone else woke up and saw them.

And did Marco ask before worming his way into Jean’s space? Had he ever once inquired as to how Jean felt about Marco basically being connected to him at the hip? Of course not!

Normally he couldn’t shake Marco and yet today-

“How’s your wrist?”

Today had been different.

As a general rule their squad didn’t interact with their sister units often. There wasn’t a reason for the separation except that everyone was more comfortable with ‘their own’ and ‘that’s just the way it is’. Occasionally, however, they would be made to do field exercises and spar with the other units. It was supposed to teach them to bond and cooperate with people outside of their immediate groups.

Cooperation, Shadis had droned this morning, was not just important but may save their lives one day. All of the military branches were expected to be able to work together for the good of humanity at the drop of a hat, without petty disputes or egos interfering. Working with the other units in the 104th would teach them that.

The man gave the same speech every time.

Today they’d been paired with the northern division of the 104th. Among them Jean had spotted a pretty girl with long black hair fixed in a single thick braid, a face full of freckles, and legs that went on forever and looked like they were strong enough to crush skulls.

Exactly Jean’s type, or so Marco had said while laughing quietly at him. He’d taken it upon himself to sidle up to her and start talking; she’d laughed, reminded him that her name was Rachel Black, and had seemed pretty receptive and everything had been going very well until her boyfriend had showed up.

Or at least the guy, Mikhail, claimed to be her boyfriend. Rachel’s dark look had suggested otherwise and Jean, ever the idiot, had let his mouth run away with him. Marco had been at his side, cringing and sighing, but Rachel had seemed delighted. Mikhail was taller than Bertolt and built as thickly as Reiner so Jean was willing to hazard a guess and say that very few people stood up to him, even on behalf of a girl as cute as Rachel.

The whole thing had ended predictably. Mikhail had teamed up with Jean for the first round of sparring and it had quickly descended into an actual fight. Jean wasn’t weak and did well in hand to hand training but, in the end, he’d gotten trashed. He’d kept with it, since he was stubborn as he was stupid (or so Marco often claimed), until Mikhail had put him down and stomped on his wrist.

Jean had managed to not cry, though he’d been sorely tempted as he felt his bones grinding under the boot of the massive teen. He’d been picked up by Shadis and sent to the infirmary, Rachel as his guilty looking escort. He’d expected Marco to volunteer but his friend had stood off to the side, blank faced and silent.

It was...strange and Jean had felt oddly hurt by it. Normally he couldn’t even sneeze without Marco being in his face, clucking and worrying about him and his health, but the one time he was actually hurt his friend (best friend) had left him to his own devices. Jean really had no idea what to make of it.

“It’s fine.” It was wrapped up tightly and hurt something awful but it wasn’t broken or anything. Swollen and would probably be really ugly to look at when he unwrapped it but it could have been worse. He also had a black eye and a split lip for his trouble. “Worth it though. Rachel seems to think I’m incredibly sweet and brave.”

Marco blinked placidly. “I worry about that girl’s taste.”

Jean laughed then winked. “I’m pretty sure I have a shot.”

“I worry about your taste too. Why can’t you chase after a girl who doesn’t have a guy willing to beat your face in lurking around.” Marco was talking about Mikasa and Yeager of course. Jean scowled but Marco was looking away from him now, face deliberately innocent. “If I didn’t know better I’d think you were actually into getting beaten.”

Jean sputtered. “That’s not-why would you even-what the hell-”

Marco’s smile was slow and teasing. Jean scowled and tried to kick out at his friend but Marco just avoided it, laughing outright, then leaned forward, resting his now crossed arms and chin on Jean’s knees. His shit eating grin was still firmly in place.

Jean was going to say something about Marco invading his space, again, but whatever he’d been about to say fell to the wayside when Connie came bursting into the barracks, eyes wide and alarmed. Then confused and finally annoyed as he looked at the two of them.

Jean sighed. He knew everyone else was not only confused by how Marco put up with him but the strange way the freckled teen seemed comfortable sprawling all over him, like Jean was some kind of pillow.

He had news for all of them: he didn't fucking like it either.

Marco pulled back, smile softening around the edges. “Hey Con. What’s up?”

“What’s up?” Connie looked at Marco like he’d just said something utterly insane. “What’s up?! Marco-”

“That is my name.” The freckled teen seemed amused. Jean however was becoming increasingly annoyed. Connie had that effect on him. He reached for the book he’d set aside when Marco had come bounding in and cracked it back open.

“How can you be so casual? They’re saying you messed up Mikhail so bad he might had to be sent home and his arm is never going to be the same.”

Jean put the book down, looking at Marco sharply. Marco was blushing and laughing awkwardly, brown eyes trained on the bottom of the bunks above them.

“Is that right?”

Connie was flailing. “Is that all you have to say? You...it was just hanging there, in that weird direction, like it wasn’t even connected anymore! It…” The shorter teen trailed off, looking decidedly grossed out. He swallowed and shuddered. “Shadis wants to see you in the infirmary now.”

“Yeah.” Marco drew out the word then his lips quirked into a sharp smile. A shiver ran up Jean’s spine. “I’ll have to apologize. It was a bad throw and a weird angle and with his momentum...well. I’ll be back Jean. I’m glad your wrist is okay.”

Jean reached out and caught Marco’s elbow, eyes narrowing. “Did you hurt that guy on purpose?”

Now Connie was looking at him like he was the crazy one. “Marco wouldn’t do anything like that Jean, you know that. I doubt anyone would over you.”

Jean deeply deeply disliked Connie.  

Marco looked at him, brown eyes amused. “You don’t really think I’d do that, do you?”

“Ah. No.” He let Marco go, shaking his head to dispel the weird thought. “Of course not. Hey, if you see Rachel-”

Marco rolled off of the bunk and waved a hand at him. “I’ll be sure to talk up her poor wounded hero, don’t worry. Get some rest.”

---------------

Jean woke up aware of two things right away.

1. Everything fucking hurt. Specifically his chest; there was a sharp pain right below his heart and radiating outwards every time he tried to breath.

With that in mind Jean decided he was content to lie on his back and not move.

2. Marco had obviously hurt Mikhail on purpose. And not just hurt, but practically disconnected the guys arm in what was labeled an ‘unfortunate’ sparring incident. In hindsight Jean wasn’t sure how anyone could have believed that it was an accident but then Marco had seemed embarrassed and contrite and even apologized after.

From what Jean understood Mikhail had been discharged and supposedly was a farmer now.

“Huh.”

“Oh!” Jean’s view of the very calm, very blue sky was suddenly obscured by Armin’s worried face. “You’re awake! Can you sit up?”

Jean exhaled, wincing at the crawl of pain across his body, then pushed himself up carefully. It took longer than he would have liked and Armin hovered over him, fussing in a way that would have made Marco proud. Unfortunately sitting up brought a new host of problems, in the form of his vision swimming and stomach bottoming out. He dry heaved, feeling strangely foolish as he did; Armin stayed silent then offered him a canteen once it was clear that Jean was done trying to cough up his already empty stomach.

“What happened? Where’s Marco?” Jean cast a look around, seeking out his friend with his eyes before he was even fully aware that he was doing it.

They were on top of the wall and there were other injured soldiers all around. He could see Mikasa making her way towards them; her shirt was gone and he could see bandages tapped around her torso but if she was in pain in didn’t show. Instead she was chewing a ration bar, eyes dark and furious.

“What do you remember?” Armin asked.

Jean frowned, brow furrowing. “Uh. Marco and Eren were fighting the armored Titan. Got it down so Eren could snap it’s leg and buy us time to get him away then...uh.”

It hurt to think. Jean put a hand to his forehead and stared down at the canteen in his hand, trying to force the pain and the swimming nausea back. A ration bar was thrust into his field of vision and he blinked, casting a sideways look at Mikasa.

“The armored titan called out, similar to what the female titan did in the forest.” Armin eased into a sitting position and Mikasa followed, albeit more gingerly. “The colossal went over the edge of the wall and when he made contact with the ground he vanished. All of us where were lower on the wall got hit with a wave of heat and wind. It was bad enough that everyone else on the wall was unable to get close to us to help. Hange is pretty bad off. You and Mikasa were both out for a while.”

The woman grunted, looking decidedly sour. Armin’s lips twisted into a grimace and he put a hand on Mikasa’s knee. Jean looked away from them, not like the squeezing pressure he felt around his heart while watching them. Instead he cast his gaze over the people around him again.

His breath caught in his throat. “Where’s Marco?”  

Armin sighed and Mikasa looked positively homicidal as she spoke, words stilted. “Reiner and Bertolt took all of them. Ymir, Marco, and Eren.”

Jean blinked then started to push himself up, panic sweeping over him. What the hell were they doing sitting here when Reiner and Bertolt were running off with Marco? How long had they been gone? Was anyone after them? Were they just letting them away? Just giving up?

He said as much, voice louder than he intended it to be but unable to control the volume. Mikasa grabbed him, grip like steel and digging into his arm hard enough that it was probably going to leave bruises, and pulled him back down.

“Shut up. You aren’t the only person worried.”

Jean considered her for a long moment; there were tension lines around her eyes, cheeks flushed, her jaw and mouth were stiff, and her hands balled into fists. There was the promise of something awful in her eyes.

He looked down again; he couldn’t keep looking at her. Normally he found that fire, that spark of something dark and different in her to be appealing but now it was making his stomach roll. The acid was rising in his throat “What are we doing?”

“Waiting. We need the elevator to arrive to transport the horses to the other side of the wall. We need people. We need everyone who can move to take care of any injuries they have so they can be ready.” Armin’s tone was a determined one.

Jean scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to calm his thoughts. Everything from the past few days was, once again, threatening to come down all at once. He was in pain, in hurt to breathe, Marco had been taken, and everyone was just...waiting.

This couldn’t possibly be happening.

“How long was I out?”

“Ah.” Armin hesitated, looking off to the side. “About five and a half hours.”

Jean allowed himself to fall back so he was flat on his back and put his arms over his eyes. They were burning and he could feel something threatening to spill over, wanting to burst out. He swallowed once then again.

A small hand touched his shoulder. He peeked around his arm to stare at the hand then up at Mikasa. He was almost positive she’d never touched him before, except to throw him on his ass while training. In some other circumstance this would be a moment of triumph for him. Her gaze was still dark and angry, mouth still a furious slash in her pretty face but somehow, it was comforting and strangely warm.

“We’ll get them back.”

She said it like it was the only possible option and like she’d tolerate no other possible outcome and even if Jean knew that it was too much time, entirely too much time, he wanted to believe her.

He nodded. She pulled her hand back then, in that same firm tone. “Eat. Let Armin clean up your cuts. You need to be ready.” With that she pulled her scarf up and over her mouth then stood up and walked to where Krista was sitting and staring off into the distance.

Jean unwrapped the bar then took a bite. They were always hard, dry and crumbling and tasted awful but Jean was barely aware of it. He swallowed then cursed, bending forward and clutching his stomach at the sudden cramping.

The back of Armin’s hand pressed against his forehead, reminiscent of what his mother would do to check if he had a fever, and Jean made an irritated noise. Armin’s response was a thoughtful humming noise then

“If you start feeling...weird. Let me know.” There must have been something in the look he shot him because Armin’s lips twitched with a kind of amusement Jean wouldn’t have thought was possible to feel considering. “Hot. Sweaty. Like you want to hide somewhere dark. Ah...you’ll just know.”

Before Jean could ask for more details Connie was calling out to them, rushing over with an arm full of medical supplies and Jean fell silent. Some quiet voice told him to keep silent in front of Connie. Instead he glowered at Armin, who only smiled sweetly in return, and chewed his ration bar.

“They’re here.” Mikasa was back with them, Krista at her heels. Jean turned, bringing his hand up to block out the sun, and looked in the direction she indicated. Coming towards them, on horses and riding hard, was a group of soldiers, Commander Erwin at the head.

“Krista, I want you to stay here.” Armin said suddenly, looking at the other petite blond. Krista scoffed, arms crossing over her stomach.

“I won’t, so don’t make me repeat myself. I can’t simply sit back while Ymir is being taken away.” Her eyes narrowed just slightly. “You should understand that better than anyone.”   

There was an accusation there and Armin looked away from her, shamefaced. Jean looked between them, trying to read the situation.

“She’s right. We all have more than enough reason to pursue them. Personally I still can’t believe all that shit about them.” Connie said, frowning. “I refuse to believe Bertolt and Reiner are our enemies until I hear it from them.”

Krista was nodding but a glance at Armin and Mikasa found them wearing looks that perfectly reflected how Jean was feeling. Reiner and Bertolt were their enemies and if they caught up to them not only would they get their friends back, but they would make them pay for what they’d done.

“Well that’s because you’re an idiot Connie.”

---------------

Marco woke up screaming, the memory of impossibly large teeth and a hot stinking wet cavern of flesh closing in around him all he could see for a long moment. Then his vision slowly expanded, reality returning, and he realized he was not in some titan’s mouth or worse, half a body leaning against the side of a building. He moved his arm, intending to wipe at his damp face then frowned, realizing he didn’t have feeling in his hands, and looked down at himself.

His arms past his elbows were gone.

“We’re having a bad day all around, huh?” He flicked his gaze up, saw Ymir sitting close to him and beyond her a very sullen looking Eren. Ymir was missing one arm and one leg but Eren was in much the same state as him.

Marco didn’t say anything, taking in his surroundings. He was...in a tree. A very very large tree. A glance down found a small hoard of small titans, 5 meter types, surrounding at the base of the tree, as well as one larger type that seemed perfectly content to lie on it’s back while the smaller ones scrambled over it. Another look saw a larger titan, about equal in height to the branch they were on, watching them from behind a tree.

“This is actually kind of familiar.” Marco said finally, looking back at the stumps that had been his limbs and were now oozing titan gas.

“They,” She inclined her head upwards and Marco followed with his eyes, finding Reiner and Bertolt standing on another large branch, slightly above them. “Said Reiner bit you and Eren out of your titan forms and are sorry about the missing limbs thing.”

“Oh.” Marco considered that for a moment, reflecting on what he remembered. The last clear memory was the colossal titan, Bertolt, hurtling towards them. Clearly something had gone wrong after that. But, on the upside, Reiner hadn’t eaten them. “So. We lost?”

Eren’s bitter laughter told Marco all he needed to know about that.

Chapter Text

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Chapter Eleven

Make Your Best Mistakes

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We don't have to be ordinary
Make your best mistakes
'Cause we don't have the time to be sorry
So baby be the life of the party
I'm telling you to take your shot it might be scary
Hearts are gonna break
'Cause we don't have the time to be sorry
So baby be the life of the party

Life of the Party~ Shawn Mendes

Marco sighed and looked down at his arms again, swallowing back a wave of nausea. Last time he’d regrown limbs he’d been in the dark and unable to watch the process but this time he was getting an eyeful and while it was a strangely blood and goreless process it was still unnerving. The skin of his arms was slowly stretching, taking shape, kind of like watching a balloon being blown up except instead of air it was being filled with bone and flesh..

It tingled and kind of itched but there wasn’t any pain; there was also the phantom echo of a hand and fingers and he kept imagining his fingers flexing and moving. In normal circumstances, with normal being a relative term at this stage, he’d be tapping his fingers against something to try and break up the boredom.

Marco was extremely bored. No one was saying anything important, not important to him anyway, and he was tired of them. It was hard for him to be anything other than irritated that he was out here, in a tree however far away from the wall and, specifically, Jean. He couldn’t even work up proper anger over it. Just irritation and boredom.

Though the fact Reiner seemed stuck between solider for humanity and warrior out to destroy the walls had been interesting but they were done talking about Reiner’s fractured psyche now and were back to petty nonsense.

They were stuck, all five of them. Reiner had implied that they’d be unable to shift while their bodies were regenerating, that there was a limit to their physical strength and ability and that made enough sense to him. They were deep in titan territory and even if they could shift Marco wasn’t sure of their odds of actually getting away. Bert and Reiner had 3D gear, and the three of them did not, so they had the added benefit of being able to escape deeper and higher into the trees.

For the time being they had to stay put. Night would fall, the titans would stop moving, they would (hopefully) be mostly healed and then they could see where that put them. Anything until then was just pointless fluff.

He’d spent a little time looking at and assessing the others. Sitting out here, in the trees and away from other people, he could ‘see’ them clearly and without distraction. He could catch their scents in the air and distinguish them from each other when he really tried and it was strange, in a way, and yet it all ordered itself in his brain without issue.

Bertolt was distinctly different from the rest of them, scent lighter and with a hint of sweetness. The others all had heavier darker scents that made his nose turn up just slightly; they weren’t bad exactly but they made him just a bit uncomfortable, put him on edge.

“I’ve been wondering,” Ymir paused when Marco sighed, shooting him a dark look. “I’m sorry, would you rather sit here and wallow?”

“Yes.” He sighed again, mostly because he enjoyed how angry she and Eren looked. Really he’d rather just focus on healing his limbs and being ready when the time came to act. He wasn’t letting himself be dragged any further from Jean but if he was going to succeed he needed to be able to shift and defend himself.  

What was the point in focusing on anything except that?

She sneered then stood, wobbling slightly as she balanced on her one good foot. “How do the two of you intend to move the three of us? How are you going to keep us under control?”

Bertolt looked down at them, a shadow passing over his face, then he gestured to the set of 3D gear at his fear; Marco’s gear if he wasn’t mistaken. Damn. That was going to be the second set he’d lost.  

“One of you is going to help us with the other two.”

Eren scoffed. “Why the fuck would we help you? You’re murders and-”

“Not you, Eren.” Bertolt rolled his eyes and Marco had to bite his lip to not laugh at how put out Eren looked. “You’re beyond negotiating with. But you two aren’t.”

Ymir tilted her head to the side, hair moving to obscure part of her face. “What could you have that we want?”

“Jean and Krista, of course.” Reiner said it like it was most obvious thing in the world. Marco sat up a little straighter, frowning. “One of you, or both, will work with us or we’ll toss one of you to the titans below to make it easier for us. Should you die, Jean or Krista will probably die as well.

“Krista will, at least. That’s indisputable; the bond between you two is so deep that she’d without a doubt wither away. Jean...maybe maybe not.”

Marco frowned. “What do you mean wither away?”

Reiner’s answering smile was just short of condescending. “When one part of a bonded pair dies, particularly if it’s an alpha leaving an omega behind, the surviving party will suffer the consequences. Death is almost always the outcome. Honestly we thought Jean was going to wander off and die when you disappeared. But I guess you weren't actually dead so that explains why he didn't. Or the bond is just that shallow.”

“It was kind of pathetic.” Ymir muttered. “Wasn’t eating or sleeping, just kind of...there. Dead behind the eyes. Scent went sour and thin, like an animal right before it stops breathing.”

“And maybe I thought I’d die and that would be more right.”

Marco shivered as Jean’s words came back to him and he could see those dark brown eyes devoid of their usual sharp anger, too wide and too sad in the dark of the night. And he’d liked it, loved that his ‘death’ had affected Jean so deeply. The idea that Jean’s life was, perhaps, so completely intertwined with his own made his heart beat a little faster.

But. He didn’t want Jean dying and wasn’t interested in dying either. Dying hurt, for one, and for two he was pretty sure that multiple titans tearing chunks out of him would be the end of him.

“What the fuck are you all talking about?”

Ymir tilted her head to the side and stared at Eren hard. “How can you have been with Armin this long and have no idea?”

“Wha-I”m not...Armin and I aren’t…” Eren went pink and somehow it was the most absurd thing Marco had seen yet. Who could be embarrassed and blushing at a time like this?

“Well obviously.” The way the girl’s lips pulled back to show her teeth promised cruelty. “That’s why he was fucking Annie, right? So how about you stop your childish fighting and bickering and let people with an actual interest in this talk.”

“Ymir,” Bertolt started, sounding nervous but too late, Ymir’s eyes were blazing. She wheeled around, towering over Eren’s crouched form.

“You have no idea what’s actually going on or who your real enemy should be. If you keep making small fry like Reiner and Bertolt your main focus who are you going to save, really? You can’t even help your own omega and why? Because you’re scared of yourself? Too busy crying about things you can’t change to actually look past yourself!? How can I trust you to protect Krista like this?!”

Marco expected Eren to shout back, to get angry and fight Ymir in spite of his lack of hands, but instead a deafening silence stretched out, broken only by the sound of Eren’s labored breathing. It was, actually, more concerning than a fight breaking out would have been.

“Hey. Reiner. What’s up with that monkey?” Ymir asked suddenly.

The blonde, who’d been watching with a dumbfounded look on his face, made a startled noise then cast a sideways look at Bertolt. “Monkey? What are you hinting at?”

“Hm? Didn’t you know? Considering you both were gawking at it with a twinkling in your eyes?”

Their captors exchanged another look, this one loaded and careful. Marco watched them for a moment, taking in the way Bertolt pulled his legs up so he could wrap his arms around his knees and the way Reiner crossed his arms over his chest and looked everywhere but down at them.

Whatever this ‘monkey’ was it had struck a nerve.

“What’s this about a monkey?” He asked because no one else seemed willing to do so. Another heavy silence followed then Ymir snorted.

“Fine, you two just stand there. I’ll tell it. That monkey, the beast titan, was the main culprit behind the titans being inside the wall. I wonder if it was measuring our power.” The last part was said quietly, mostly to herself. “And if these two find him they can, I assume, go back to their hometown. Am I right?”

They didn’t answer, opting to just stare at Ymir like this was the first time they were seeing her. Marco could relate to that; he’d never paid much attention to her (no more than he did anyone anyone aside from Jean and perhaps Armin and in hindsight he wondered if that meant anything) beyond being Krista’s ever present shadow but now...this was something completely different.  

Who was Ymir really?

“Tell me everything you know.” Eren said, tilting his head back to stare up at Ymir, eyes a bright glowing green.

This was different as well. Marco had seen Eren so happy he was practically glowing, so angry he was moved to tears, so sad that it became like a physical presence but this, the ragged voice and slight tremors shaking his shoulders, and the blankness in his eyes as he meet Ymir’s gaze was nothing that Marco had seen before.

Unease crawled up Marco’s spine and he found himself once again looking at the small herd of titans watching them from the ground with those eerie joyful expressions. Maybe he was better off taking his chances with them.

“Hmm. I’ll say that if you think killing these two will solve anything you’re making a big mistake.”

Eren stood up abruptly, so far in Ymir’s space that she had to hop back to keep from colliding with him. “Who is the enemy then?”

“Enemy? If I tell you that I-”

“Ymir!” Reiner’s voice was sharp. “Do you actually think this world has a chance? If you know so much think about the path you should take from here. Is it too late for you, or Marco, to come over to our side?”

Ymir’s laugh was a harsh one. “Are you saying we should trust you? No way, and I know there’s no way you’d trust me either.”

Reiner shook his head, expression deadly serious. “That isn’t true. I can trust the two of you because I know exactly what your goals are. You want to protect Krista and Jean.You’d do anything to protect them, wouldn’t you?”

Marco felt Reiner’s words like a punch to the stomach; he let out a surprised breath. Ymir put a hand over her face then lowered herself to her knees, shaking her head and letting out soft almost hysterical giggles.

But of course this is what it came back around to, so why should they even be surprised. This is what they’d been trying to hold over their heads from the start of this conversation. And it was true; Marco knew, knew at his very core, that there was no doubt that he’d do whatever it took to keep Jean safe and he’d do it without a bit of guilt. 

Had he always been like this? No, no he...well. Maybe he had been. When it came to Jean there had always been a willingness to be reckless, to push boundaries, to snap bones and stand in front of swinging fists.

“As long as I know exactly what your motivations are I can trust you to do whatever makes that most possible. So don’t you think we can all agree on this? Trust each other one this. Besides, do you really trust Eren’s power is more reliable than ours.”

“Huh?” Eren’s head whipped around, brow furrowing. “What?”

Marco looked past Eren, catching Ymir’s eyes as she peeked out from behind her hand. She cocked an eyebrow as if to say ‘Well. Do you?’ Did he? What did Eren know, really? Nothing, of course. Oh, he had a key to a basement somewhere and maybe some answers were there but Reiner and Bertolt knew things right now, didn’t they? They had known they were shifters long before Eren knew he was one and as far as reliable went they had a time advantage as well as knowledge in their favor.

Ymir’s lips twitched.

Marco shrugged in response. Sure, but what did all that really mean? Wasn’t it still smarter to try to run back to the wall after sundown? Maybe they couldn’t trust in Eren but...they were the fucking colossal and armored types.

“You’re both thinking you have to save your own asses before we haul you away. Frankly that’s probably true. We can’t guarantee your safety either.” The blond spread his hands, as if trying to physically express that he was being open and honest now. “But when it comes to Jean and Krista there might be something we can do. In our hometown they could have a place among people like them. A safe place. I know, Ymir, that you know no omega is safe inside the walls.”

Ymir leaned forward, resting her chin on her knees, a slight incline of her head letting Marco know that yeah, Reiner was telling the truth about that much. He wanted to ask why it wasn’t safe, find out more about what they knew that he didn’t.

Bertolt nodded, every bit as serious as Reiner. “So. Your little lives or their futures. It’s up to you.”

A glance at Eren found the shorter teen looking scandalized. “Marco-”

“What?” He snapped, suddenly angry. Who was Eren to try and tell him what to do anyway? Hadn’t he made it clear that he was only willing to do anything because Jean wanted him to? Hadn’t he already died because he’d sided with humanity, or at least sided against Annie’s plan to infiltrate the inner walls?  

What the fuck else was he supposed to do, really? Die again? Risk losing Jean? 

He couldn't do that. 

“Jean would never forgive you or accept any help from those two.”

“Maybe Jean doesn’t get a choice.” Marco scowled, meeting determined green eyes. “If I knew he was safe I could live with him hating me.” Eren’s mouth twisted into a disgusted grimace.

Well. At least he thought he could live with that.  

“You wouldn’t do whatever you had to for Armin and Mikasa?”

Eren’s response was immediate. “I would never ask them to carry the weight of my choices.”

Marco glanced up, considering the position of the sun. Another two hours before sundown, tops. His arms were regenerated to just below the elbows, further along than Eren but not as whole as Ymir, who already had most of her foot back.

They were running out of time no matter what they decided to do.

Chapter Text

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Chapter Twelve?

Underwater

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It's not so bad down here, underwater
Once you get past the fear, underwater
I sense you through the haze, just like a memory
Been down here for days
Have you seen me
I feel your touch
Will you pull me up again
 

Underwater~Vertical Horizon

Everyone went silent after that, time creeping by and sun slowly moving lower and lower in the sky. The air around them all was tense; they were all close to the point where choices would have to be settled on and moves made.

Marco knew what Reiner and Bertolt would be doing and he knew what Eren would be trying to do, which left him and Ymir as the deciding pieces of the puzzle.

Marco would feel Eren watching him, following his every move and staring with a single minded focus that was, frankly, unnerving. The only time Eren wasn’t glaring at him like he was some kind of complex math problem was when he was watching Reiner and Bertolt, who he regarded with obvious rage. Ymir was the only one safe from Eren’s long searching looks.

Marco caught the girl’s eye and she offered a wan smile then held up a hand, showing it was completely healed, though still letting off plumes of gas. She then inclined her head towards their ‘captors’ who were facing away from them, standing shoulder to shoulder and making occasional gestures with their hands. They were talking to each other, probably about the three of them, and Marco couldn’t help but feel a little panicked. He still wasn’t finished regenerating, missing the fingers on one of his hands, and Eren was still completely handless but it was pretty obvious that Eren was the prize here.

Ymir knew something about what was ‘really’ going on and he was clueless, so that probably made her more valuable in the long run. If anyone was going to be pushed to the titans below Marco was almost positive it would end up being him. He was as sure of that as he was of the fact that Eren was pissed off at him for even entertaining the idea of working with Reiner and Bert.

He didn’t begrudge Eren his anger but he thought it was pretty short sighted. Eren had his issues and his anger fueled motivations and he was justified in feeling like he Dir. But Eren expected everyone to feel the same, to have that same righteous fury, and when they didn’t it was a problem. That was why he and Jean had clashed so much; Jean hadn’t really given any fucks about titans and fighting or anything except his own safety. It wasn’t noble or courageous but it was honest and Marco had always admired that.

Now it was Marco who wasn’t doing what Eren wanted, wasn’t fighting the fight the way he thought it needed to be done, and he could feel the anger and disappointment in the other teens eyes.

He was jarred from his thoughts by Reiner jumping down to them. Marco took in the stiff set of his shoulders and grim set of his lips and scrambled to his feet; something was about to happen and he had a feeling it wasn’t going to be good.

Eren seemed to have the same feeling as he shifted backwards, pushing his back against the trunk of the tree they were sitting on. “What is it Reiner?”

“It’s fine. We’re leaving.” Reiner’s tone was surprisingly mild even as he stepped closer to Eren who’s eyes widened in panic. “Eren. Don’t put up any resistance, alright?”

Marco could hear the threat there. He looked down at Ymir who was still sitting, knees pulled up to meet her chest, and watching with curious eyes. She looked back up at him for a moment, shrugging slightly as if to say ‘I don’t know what’s up either.

“Hey. No need to get violent. I’m in this condition after all.” Eren laughed, eyes darting around as he held up his still handless arms. “I can hardly resist like this right?”

Marco wasn’t the least bit surprised when, just as Reiner’s stance relaxed a bit, Eren leapt forward, bringing an elbow crashing into the blond’s chin. He watched, Eren’s frantic shouts of ‘Die’ washing over him, as Bertolt came to land softly on the branch with them. They watched the pair fight, no one making a move to interfer. Bertolt ran a hand through his hair, letting out a pained sigh.

“Hey,” Ymir said, voice soft. Bertolt cocked his head in her direction but kept his eyes on Eren and Reiner. “Why are we leaving already?”

“I’ll kill you!” Eren shouted as Reiner flipped him and wrapped an arm around his neck.

Bertolt turned to look down at the girl. “After you went back to being human did you still remember who you ate?”

Marco turned sharply, looking at Ymir who frowned, looking thoughtful. “No? I don’t remember but...that was about 5 years ago. Was it one of your comrades?”

Bertolt didn’t say anything but a wince rippled across his face. She nodded, leaning back and letting her legs slide down the dangle over the edge.

“I see. I’m sorry. I really don’t remember.”

They lapsed into silence again. Reiner had Eren face down and pinned under his body, one arm still around the smaller teens neck and the other on the back of his head. Eren, to his credit, was still thrashing about and, eyes gleaming luminescent green, bit down on the stub of his arm closest to his face.

Nothing happened, other than Reiner spitting out a curse and changing his hold slightly so he could slam Eren’s head against the tree.  

“It can’t be helped if you don’t remember. It was the same for us.” Bertolt said finally.

“So it’s just like that...Eren doesn’t seem to remember either. Marco?”

Marco started, not having expected to be drawn into the conversation and feeling a little slow as he looked at her with wide eyes. “What? I...I don’t think I’ve ever eaten anyone.”

Brown eyes made a show of looking him over slowly and he resisted the urge to squirm and look away from her sharp, almost accusing, gaze. Then she looked away. “I see. Bertolt. Do you...hate me? For what I did?”

The taller teen crossed his arms over his chest, head tilting slightly. “I wonder. I don’t really know, I guess. I’m sure you didn’t want to eat anyone either. How long were you out there wandering outside the wall anyway?”

“About sixty years. It was like a never ending nightmare.” Ymir flexed her fingers, frowning. “You and Eren are lucky Marco. Lucky that you were never out there, trapped.”

Bertolt nodded his agreement. Marco looked between the two of them, stricken by the haunted looks on their faces, and even though he had no idea what they were talking about or what they must have seen and done or how Ymir had spent sixty years doing anything when she didn’t look any older than they did...he absolutely believed them.

“Fuck. Stupid feral fuck.” Reiner said, breathing heavily as he let Eren’s limp form fall forward and rose shakily to his feet. “Thanks for the help.”

Bertolt made a vague gesture. “Alpha disputes are no place for omegas.”

“That’s never stopped you before.” Reiner’s expression was so sour it could have curdled milk. “And I guess I should just be happy you two didn’t side with him.”

“I wanted to see who’d win.” Marco said, surprised at his own words. “If he managed to actually kill you with no hands you probably had it coming.”

He found that, when he thought about it, that was the exact reason he’d just watched. Reiner had asked if he believed in Eren’s abilities more than his and Bert’s and he still wasn’t sure of that answer, but he knew that it was an important question. It spoke to that thing that lurked inside of him and it told him that he needed align with whoever was strongest, most capable of helping him protect what was his. The stronger one would win and Marco would be able to put his faith in whoever that was. That was how things were supposed to work.

This wasn’t just a matter of fighting titans and soldiers verse warriors, this was a power struggle to see who was fit to lead.

Or that’s what he thought he felt about it anyway.

He decided in that moment he was going to just stop thinking about the strange thoughts and impulses he was feeling. He couldn't explain this stuff, couldn’t push away the dark almost primitive feelings, and he couldn’t just accept them either. Better to just...not think about it.

Reiner blinked owlishly then smiled toothily. “Fair enough. I’ll carry Eren. Bert, you take Marco. Ymir gets the other set of gear.”

--------

Bertolt smelled like apples and pine and it reminded him a little bit of Jean. He said as much, because if he was going to be awkwardly riding piggyback he might as well make awkward conversation too, and was rewarded with a throaty laugh.

“I’m going to assume that’s a compliment.”

Marco supposed it might have been so, in the interest of that, he didn’t follow up with ‘a bit like Jean but no where near as rich and amazing and perfect and wantneedhometake’.  Still there was none of the weirdness that he’d scented on Armin so he supposed it wasn’t all bad.

“In any case,” Reiner said, gracing them with a odd look. “We’ll aim for a place without titans around. We’ll try to get away from those. My titan form is slow footed; I wouldn’t be able to protect us well if we got surrounded.”

The minute Eren had been strapped to Reiner (and gagged) and Ymir was wearing Marco’s gear they’d taken off, and the titans who’d been watching them had jumped to action. Marco could see them, faces twisted into something like dismay, scrambling around the tree and starting to lumber after them.

“So why didn’t we wait until nighttime?” He asked, shouting over at Reiner.

It was Ymir who spoke, voice pitched low with awe. “Signal flares?! The recon troops came to rescue us!”

“Fuck.” Bertolt breathed but didn’t turn to look. Marco did, first watching to see the direction Ymir was casting short furtive glances back at and in the distance, still a bit off, he could see a pillar of colored smoke.

“Shit, all the way here already.” Reiner said. “This is all because Eren had go nuts and waste more time.”

Marco wasn’t sure it was really fair to blame Eren for not coming along quietly but, since he was alarmingly far from the ground and not plummeting to his death  (be it by cracking his skull open or falling into some titan’s mouth) only by the grace of holding onto Bertolt he decided to keep that to himself.  

Still.

If people were here. Here to rescue them (or more likely rescue Eren with himself and Ymir as extras and Reiner and Bertolt as prisoners or bodies) that changed things considerably.

“Reiner!” Ymir’s voice was shrill. “She’s here! Krista is here, she came for me! If you’re going to take her, now is the time.”  

She was still following them but Marco could see she was waiting longer between each swing, slowly putting distance between them. Reiner must have noticed it too because Marco could see his eyes widen and expression go stormy.

“How can you know? You can’t possibly have seen her from here!”

Marco figured he had a point; at least he couldn’t see anything but hungry titans and giant trees but Ymir’s expression was one of total confidence.

“I know! I can feel it! She’s my mate and a she’s...she’s a good person, to idiotic extremes. She came to save me!” There was no room for doubt or argument there; she sounded so convinced that it was impossible to not believe that Krista was out there there, headed towards them.

And if Krista was there then that meant-

He could see Reiner shake his head. “Even if that’s true, it’s impossible now. We have to wait for another opportunity. The likelihood of success is low now Ymir! Just how do you plan to take Krista out from here? You need to wait for your chance.”

Ymir snarled and propelled herself forward fast, gas firing as she hurried to come back in step with them. “Wait for my chance? After I’m devoured by your warriors? No way! I can’t...I can’t trust you!”

Jean was probably there as well, didn’t it? He didn’t feel anything, certainly nothing like what Ymir must have been feeling to react like this, but he knew it was a possibility and that was enough.

“Trust us!” Reiner’s voice was frantic. “We need Krista as well.”

“Then do it now! Prove it to me now!” Ymir shouted then frowned, eyes cutting over to catch Marcos. “I want to see her now. At this rate...I won’t ever be able to see her again, right?”

And you won’t see Jean again hung in the air, unsaid but plain as day. He felt, for a moment, as if all the air was driven from him under the force of the unspoken words and that thing inside of him howled, clawing at his brain in protest.

Not seeing Jean again was something no part of him would tolerate.

“It’s impossible.” Bertolt said. Marco couldn’t see his face but he could picture the other teen’s usual blank expression to go along with his usual dry tone. “I’m sorry Ymir, but it’s pointless. I’m not even sure we can get away as is, let alone if we go back.”

Reiner was saying something, making a promise to Ymir that Marco was suddenly very sure he wouldn’t be able to keep, but he wasn’t really listening. Instead he was looking over his shoulder again, watching another flare, closer this time, burst into the air. Another look back at Ymir found her staring at him with eyes blown so wide they were practically black and and mouth set into a determined line.

Bite him. Return to mate. Bitebitebite

He winced slightly, pain flaring up behind his eyes, then pressed a little closer to Bertolt, tightening his arms around the taller teen’s neck. His vision seemed to narrow, focusing on a patch of skin, about midway between jaw and neck. Bertolt made a questioning noise that turned to to a high squeak when Marco brought his head forward and bit down, hard, on his neck.

Bertolt went rigid and then limp in his arms; the line jerked and then they were falling, the world a blur of browns and greens. His stomach leapt, bile rising in his throat; maybe this had been a bad idea.

Something struck him hard from the side and then he was hitting a tree and the impact rattled him all the way to his bones. He rolled with the force, bark digging into skin where it became exposed. Bertolt came with him and they were briefly a tangle of limbs before impacting the trunk of the tree they’d landed on, back first for Marco, and coming to a painful halt.

Bertolt let out a pained groan and Marco couldn’t help but return the sentiment. That...that had hurt more than he’d expected it to.

“You okay?” Ymir asked, sprinting lightly down the branch to them

“Yeah.” Marco rasped, pushing himself up to a sitting position.. He put a hand on the back on Bertolt’s neck, pressing his thumb into that same spot he’d bitten into. The other teen whined but stayed slack against hm.

“You...are surprising.” She sounded impressed. Then her face went hard and she turned to face Reiner as he came to rest on the branch with them. He looked at Ymir then around her to glare at Marco and finally a concerned look at Bertolt.

“You’re both idiots. What will happen to them if we’re caught? We won’t be able to do anything for Krista or Jean if the military gets their hands on us, you know that right?” His voice was low and urgent; there was anger but mostly it was all concerned and cajoling. “Are you so selfish that you are going to fuck us all?”

“Well. Yeah. that’s fine.” Ymir raked her fingers through her hair then laughed hollowly. “That’s how we are isn’t it? Stupid selfish alphas, right? Even if it hurts them, even if it makes no sense, it’s just what we do. We’re shitty, possessive, awful human beings Reiner. Maybe you can’t understand yet...she smiled and was kind to me and loves me despite knowing how I really am.”

Her words were laced with pain, surprisingly gentle considering the situation. It resonated with him, all of him and there was a burn of shame to go along with it. It was horrible, legitimately horrible, but he kept his mouth shut and his hand on Bertolt.

Reiner made a helpless noise and pressed his palms against his eyes. “You…”

“Don’t be angry. I have a plan; I’ll fight as well so it’ll be easier to get away. Or,” Ymir paused meaningfully. “We could just fight and kill each other here and now. Do you want to test me and see if I mean it?”

----------

Titans were pouring out of the forest, mouths open and dripping drool as they focused eerie blank eyes on them. Jean swallowed hard; they’d been expecting this and yet he hadn’t really been prepared for the fear that rose up, trying to pull him under.

Was he really racing headlong into a forest full of titans? He must have been insane, really and truly, because this? This was insane. Beyond insane; this was looking into the jaws of death and riding into it, eyes wide open.

MIkasa let out a noise of surprise. “Something lit up!”

Armin nodded, face going hard. “Something in the forest, just an instant.

“Alright. We can assume it’s the light from a titan transformation.” Erwin’s voice boomed out, loud enough to reach them all. “Everyone split up. Find them, take our shifters back! We can assume our enemies have already transformed into titans! Battle is not our priority, retrieval is!”

The line of titans broke around them, huge hands grasping for whatever they could find. Out of the corner of his eye Jean saw someone plucked from their horse and brought into a yawning mouth.

“The military police again?” He muttered, drawing a huffing laugh from Connie. “Those guys…”

At the edge of the treeline they all left their horses, leaping into the trees and dashing through, out of reach of the monsters below them. He could see the horses being lead to the side, probably taking the longer path around the trees. Mikasa and Armin lead their group, wearing identical deadly serious expressions.

A roar ripped through the forest and Jean swore he heard the trees trembling around them. Mikasa’s head whipped around, eyes wide and frantic. “A titan’s scream. This way.”

She executed a tight turn and Jean had to work to keep up. His ribs were starting to cry out in pain and the wrapping around them, which had merely been annoying while riding, was actually painfully right now, making it hard to draw in air.

He saw the gleaming eyes, fathomless black pools, before he saw her fully. He stopped, coming to rest next to Armin, as Connie swung right up to the titan.She was hanging from a tree branch with one hand, long lanky hair falling over her face and razor sharp teeth exposed.

“Stop!” Connie shouted. “It’s Ymir! Why are you alone Ymir?”

“That’s Ymir’s titan form?” Armin asked, eyes crinkling with confusion.

Mikasa looked just as bewildered. “Did she transform and fight with the others? Where are Eren and Marco?”

Connie was yelling and getting frustrated with the lack of response (Though Jean wasn’t sure what he expected from a titans since, as far as Jean knew, not even shifters talked) and was now stomping around on Ymir’s head. The titan didn’t acknowledge him and was, instead looking at each of them in turn.

“Is she looking out for Reiner and the others?” Armin asked, head tilting to the side. “Why is she looking at us like that, one by one? Something’s...weird.”

Jean was inclined to agree. This felt...wrong. He pushed off of the tree, gas firing, and moved  closer; those inky eyes followed him. He set down next to Connie, frowning at Ymir.

“Where’s Marco?” Her eyebrow went up and he had the distinct feeling that if she could have she would have been laughing at him. “Hey, don’t you-”

“Ymir!” The titan’s head popped up, turning in the direction of the voice. “Thank goodness! You’re okay!”

It was Krista, weaving through the trees with a huge smile on her face and tears in her eyes. Ymir lunged forward, jaws wide and Jean could hear a faint “Eh?’ as they clicked shut, teeth clacking. Jean felt his mouth drop open and, in the stunned silence that followed, he could only stare as a large hand darted out and wrapped around him, blotting out everything around him.

He couldn’t help but think, a slightly hysterical laugh threatening to escape him, that he’d never really trusted Ymir anyway.

Chapter Text

She said, "While you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you're dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn't care"
And I thought hell if it's over
I had better end it quick
Or I could lose my nerve
Are you listening? Can you hear me?
Rest Stop~ Matchbox 20

The grip Ymir had on him was disturbingly warm and somehow soft while being tight, almost bone crushingly so. Too tight to draw in air properly and black spots started gathering on the edge of his vision. Adding to that Ymir was jumping from tree to tree at dizzying speeds, the world a shapeless blur of blues, greens, and browns around them, and every time she moved he felt the impact vibrate through him hard enough to rattle his teeth. Thankfully his blades were still in hand but mostly by virtue of his arms being forced painfully to his side in Ymir’s grip. He couldn’t have released them even if he wanted to.

He knew he needed to do something but each jump had him gasping for air and fighting to not bite off his own tongue.

Jean didn’t know where Ymir was taking him or why but he was pretty sure he was going to die before they got there at this rate. But maybe that would be preferable to whatever she had planned. Jean had never liked her or trusted her and, in fact, had always thought the way she trailed after Krista like a shadow and got bitchy and moody when the blond girl wasn’t around was pretty fucking creepy. The only time Ymir could be convinced to talk was if it was about Krista, it was like nothing else even mattered to her.

Jean was pretty sure she’d been holding back in training to assure Krista a spot in the top ten. Not that Krista wasn’t good but Ymir was better. She’d shown it a few times but when it came to actual assessments she always managed to be just behind Krista.

“Reiner! There she is!” A voice shouted and Jean saw the flash of light that came with a shifter transformation. For a moment it felt like they were falling then another impact, not nearly as harsh as the others, rocked through him. The grip around him loosened and he inhaled frantically while pushing away from her. She made no attempt to keep him and so he tumbled out and into something warm and firm; he felt his blades fall away from his fingers which started tingling as feeling returned. An arm wrapped around him and eased him into a sitting position.

A smell tickled his nose, something warm and comforting;  in spite of himself Jean felt the knot of fear in his stomach loosen just a little bit.  

“Ymir, what did you do to him! Jean? Are you okay? Just...uh. Sit. And maybe hold on to Reiner’s armor. I think I’ve got us but maybe to be sure.” He cracked open his eye and found Marco crouched over him, one arm holding Jean against him, eyes dark with obvious worry. He was sporting what looked like a fresh black eye and a split lip; Jean’s fingers itched to reach out and touch his friend, make sure he was really alive and fine.

“What happened to your face?” He touched right below Marco’s eye, feeling flushed skin, watching his friend’s expression change from worry to confusion to embarrassed.

“Bertolt.”

“You bit me.” Bertolt’s voice was a sullen accusation. “What if you’d broken skin?”

Marco sighed, sounding very much like Shadis had when someone said something particularly stupid. “You knocked me out and carried me off.”

“I think we’re even for that.”

Jean looked to the side, past Marco’s shoulder which was doing a great job of blocking his view of the world at large, and saw Bertolt crouched with a limp Eren secured to his back. Behind them the forest, swiftly growing smaller and smaller.  To the other side he found Ymir’s titan form, lips closed tightly and black eyes trained on them unblinkingly. A look to the other side,

Looked down to see himself on something smooth and bone colored. He groaned and pressed a hand to his face, the realization that he was on the armored titan, Reiner, making his head pound.

He could feel the rumble of Marco’s words. “That was...Ymir? Where’s Krista?”

Ymir shifted then put a hand to her mouth and, with a hacking sound that made Jean’s stomach roil, spat Krista out. The blonde fell into Ymir’s open palm, limp, still, and covered in spit. Jean couldn’t keep from dry heaving at the sight and be distantly thankful that he hadn’t eaten anything since that ration bar because he doubted vomiting would help matters.

Then again he was riding on an the armored type, surrounded by shifters, and weaponless so it wasn’t as if the situation could get worse.

Marco pulled him closer and made a sympathetic crooning noise that, somehow, actually made Jean feel better. He let himself sit, face buried against Marco’s shoulder, for a long moment while listening to Krista sputter and cough.

“Ymir?!”

It was Ymir’s voice that made Jean look up again. The darkhaired girl was partially emerged from her titan form, head and shoulders piercing through the nape of it’s neck, red tissue still clinging to her face.

Jean dry heaved again.

“Kris-no. Historia. I’m sorry.” Ymir said, words interspersed with hacking and spitting. “Suddenly swallowing you like that. You...you are mad, right?”

There was something small and nervous to her tone, like she was genuinely worried Krista would be mad. Jean pushed Marco away some, anger taking over for disgust.

“Is she mad?! You just kidnapped us! What the fuck?”

Krista nodded and started moving, squirming in the grip of Ymir’s titan form. “Ymir, what is this! What are you doing!? We came to save you and Eren and Marco-”

“You didn’t need to!” Ymir shouted, face screwed up in some emotion Jean couldn’t identify. “Just be still! I just...We. Marco and I are going along with Reiner and Bert.”

Ymir’s words fell like bricks, heavy and painful. Jean put his hands on Marco’s chest and pushed, managing to get up onto his knees before the grip around him tightened, keeping him in place. Marco didn’t pull him any closer or attempt to bring him back down so he was sitting but he got a warning squeeze. ‘Don’t move’ was as clear in the action as if Marco had said it outloud and Jean felt like he had in Ymir’s hand: short of breath and dizzy.

“You too! Come with us!” Ymir shouted, sounding frantic. “There’s no future inside these walls Historia, not now. You know that.” Krista’s eyes were wide and confused but she wasn’t moving anymore. “It’s not so bad outside the walls. there’s nobody there that will say things like ‘It’d be better if you had never been born.”

Krista gaped, mouth open then shook her head. “Of course titans wouldn’t say something like that! AREN’T THEY WAY TOO BUSY TRYING TO EAT US?!”

“EVERY...EVERYONE HAS A FAULT OR TWO, RIGHT?” Ymir shouted back then frowned intently. “If you can just ignore that bit they aren’t so bad.”

“She’s crazy.” He hissed. Marco didn’t look away from the two women but he did incline his head slightly, indicating he was listening. “And if you’re working with her you’re either stupid or crazy too.”

“I don’t see why it can’t be both.” Bertolt muttered. Jean turned to look at him, attention drawn by the annoyed note to the taller teen’s voice. “You’re all thinking with your knots.”

Krista frowned. “Are...Are Reiner and Bertolt making you do this Ymir? Are they threatening you?”

Bertolt snorted humorlessly. “The opposite, actually.”

Krista either didn’t hear him or didn’t care; she started screaming again, hands slapping against Ymir’s hand and if not for the situation it would have been hilarious how tiny she was in comparison. “I’ll fight with you, so release your hand! I told you I’d always be on your side and I meant it, I don’t care what you did or what your reasons are! No matter what I’m on your side.”

Jean could feel the conviction in her words.

“If we had fled at once we might have been able to escape but you couldn’t bare to leave them behind and now they’ll catch up.” Bertolt shook his head, lips quirking up. “They’re going to catch up and they’re going to take us apart. All four of us. They saw you take them and they’ll know you took Jean for Marco. They won’t accept you back.”

Jean stiffened as he ran Bertolt’s words through his mind, letting the rest of the conversation fade away for a moment. Reiner and Bertolt had already been deemed too dangerous to try and take alive and, even if they gave up, they were known as the colossal and armor types now by everyone who’d seen them shift on the wall and it had to have been reported to others already. They’d be tortured for information then executed.

Ymir’s situation wouldn’t be much better but maybe if she said she’d had to do it? It was a toss up in that case and would depend on what Eren had to say in the end, since he’d be the only unbiased witness.

Marco...that could be fine. Ymir grabbing Jean didn’t have to mean that Marco was a traitor, it could just be a tactic to keep the freckled teen in line. After all Marco was practically advertising that he’d do anything for Jean to everyone who’d listen like just because he seemed to have no sense of self-preservation Jean was in same boat.

Hell he hadn’t even said anything about being willing to follow Reiner and Bertolt. So far everything had come from Ymir so it wouldn’t even be a lie to say he had no proof Marco wasn’t just been threatened.

That left Eren though. Who knew what had been said while the five of them were alone in the forest, what Marco might had said that could be used against him?

If Ymir lived would she be a problem? Maybe. It would be easier if Marco and Eren were the only shifters to walk away from this; he might have been able to deal with Eren but the other three...

Jean realized with a shock that he was mentally preparing a defense, working out how to keep Marco from being killed if (when) they caught up.

Jean looked back at Ymir and Krista for a moment, taking in Krista’s tearful expression then looked back over to Bertolt. Green eyes caught his own then Bertolt smiled; it was the same easy smile he’d always worn.

Jean twitched, hands balling into fists, and Marco gave him another warning squeeze. Bertolt’s smile fell away.

“You think this makes us happy? That we like killing people, making friends and betraying them? You think we wouldn’t undo it if we could?”

Jean opened his mouth then shut it, shaking his head. He was rarely at a loss for words and he’d thought over what he would say to Reiner and Bertolt if he got the chance to really let them know what he thought but here he was and he couldn't think of anything.

Bertolt looked fucking pathetic, like he believed the world was coming crashing down around him, and in spite of everything Jean just didn’t have it in him to make it worse.

“So why don’t you?”

Bertolt stiffened, eyes going wide. Jean could see Eren, still hanging limply on Bertolt’s back, but he’d turned his head just enough for him to see his eyes were open a fraction, eerie green light spilling out like it did when he was in his titan form. The scrap of cloth that had been in his mouth was hanging, shredded, from his neck.

Bertolt licked his lips, looking nervous. “We have a mission.”

“You think Annie abandoned the mission for Armin. Why can’t you?” Eren’s voice was thin and raspy and shaking with fury, words hissed out through gritted teeth. “Why do more people have to die?”

“It’s too late to go back.” The words were said firmly but Jean say Bertolt’s eyes flicker and the way the taller teen bit his lower lip after he said them.

“We don’t let them hurt you.” Krista said then, quieter, looking at Ymir. “I would never let anyone hurt you. Come back to us.”

Ymir let out a brittle sounding sob. “Idiot. I’m supposed to protect you. Alphas protect, right?”

“Let me protect us. Release your hand.”

“I don’t want to die.” Ymir was crying, head bowed forward. Krista murmured something and Ymir just started crying harder. Jean tilted his head back to look at Marco again.

He should let Marco be captured or killed. He was dangerous, clearly willing to turn on humanity but...but.

He had to protect him. It was stupid, stupider than any of the stupid things he’d done since Trost, but he couldn’t lose Marco again.

--------

Everything went to hell surprisingly fast in Marco's opinion, but he wasn't exactly surprised; their 'friends' and all those other soldiers had been too close and Reiner wasn't faster than the horses were. He could see Ymir cracking under Krista- Historia’s tears and words. Not that he could blame her at all. He could smell her from where he was, over Jean’s scent, like she was projecting deliberately, and it was light and sweet like flowers but streaked with tears and something else he couldn’t put a name to except to say it smelled a little bit like Ymir did. She had her head tilted to show her neck, eyes big and wet, begging Ymir to just let her go.

If Marco had been Ymir, or if Jean had been doing what Krista was doing, he would have crumbled. But Jean would never do anything like that. Jean was too hard, too jaded and angry, to beg anyone to do anything for him or cry for anyone. Jean was going to get angry. 

Historia was swearing she’d protect Ymir from everything if she just came back and Marco believed her. He wasn’t sure what she would do but he had a feeling she’d move the stars for Ymir if she needed to; he could hear it in her voice and smell it in the air.

Then their friends were upon them. Mikasa first, blades digging into Ymir’s eye while Krista shrieked and flailed her arms. Ymir’s hand opened, allowing Krista to scramble up over her arm, moving with surprising speed.

“Reiner!” Bertolt barked and, just as Mikasa was coming down to attack, Reiner’s huge hand come up and closed around Bertolt and Eren. It came close to him and Jean as well but he jerked back, just managing to keep them from being caught or falling off of Reiner’s shoulders. Mikasa’s blades broke on Reiner’s armor and Ymir swiped at her, growling.

Mikasa flipped back, gas canisters as she replaced her blades before swinging back in, expression hard.

“Marco.” Jean said quietly, drawing his attention away even as he heard Historia screaming for Mikasa to stop and Bertolt screaming at Eren to knock it off. There were no tears, of course, just the hard line of Jean’s lips and those vicious pale brown eyes silently accusing him of betrayal. “If you die now I’ll never forgive you.”  

Marco blinked then smiled crookedly. “I’m not sure I’ll get a choice.”

He hadn’t really had a choice at all other than ‘whatever won’t end up with me dead’ so far. Maybe he should have let them kick him off the tree and get torn apart because at least Jean wouldn’t be looking at him like he’d stabbed him in the back.

Which he hadn’t. Not really. He just wanted to live and have Jean safe; how could that be the wrong thing? Couldn’t Jean understand that?

Armin and Connie swung up, landing on Reiner; Armin glanced at him, blinked, then turned his attention to Reiner’s hand. Bertolt could just be seen through the cracks of Reiner’s fingers, glaring out at them.

“You’ve gotten stupid. There’s always a choice.”

“I just want you to be safe.” Marco whispered but he felt his resolve shake under Jean’s gaze. Was he wrong? He didn’t feel like he was wrong, he felt like Jean was the only important thing in the world and that he’d kill everyone, in the walls and out, for him.

Jean’s eyes darkened. “Do you not know me at all?”

He could feel something twist and stretch between them and it hurt worse than anything he’d ever felt. He gasped at it then rocked back, sitting down heavily. The thing that lurked inside of him whimpered, echoing his pain, whispering that they were losing Jean. Their mate was pulling away, closing off, upset with them.

He had to fix this. Jean couldn’t do this!

He’d told Eren he didn’t care if Jean never forgave him but he knew that wasn’t the case. If Jean turned away from him, rejected him he’d- Marco let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding then scrubbed at his face, eyes burning.

“I just...need you.” The words spilled out. “I think I might die without you.”  

It sounded hollow and not good enough but how could he explain it? He’d sat in his own grave thinking about Jean. Had stumbled back to humanity wanting revenge for Jean. He thought about what the others had said, about Jean not being safe in the walls, and it made him want to rip something apart, to crush the walls in Jean’s name.

Thinking that Jean wouldn’t forgive him made him feel like his heart was being squeezed and the air was being forced out of him. He felt like Jean was the only thing that mattered; when Ymir had let him go and he’d put his arm around him the dark thoughts had halted for a moment and he’d felt like every part of him was happy.

He wasn’t sure if he was human anymore, or had ever been, but he knew he needed Jean.

How could he put that into words?

“Bertholt! Give Eren back!” Mikasa shouted. Ymir was silent and unmoving, Krista clinging to her hair and crying.

Connie was on Reiner’s hand, crouching so he could inside. “It’s a lie isn’t it? Were you fooling us all along, up until now? That’s...cruel.”

Jean didn’t move but raised his voice to be heard by everyone. “Are you guys really trying to get away like this? Can’t you see how stupid it is? Aren’t we friends you two? Didn’t we share hardships under a single roof for years?”

Marco could hear Bertolt draw in a shaky breath but otherwise he said nothing. Jean’s expression darkened.

“Bert, it was so funny how terrible you looked when you were asleep. At some point we started looking forward to it, we even predicted the weather for the day based on how bad you looked. But...you...you sure slept soundly didn’t you, considering you were a killer among your victims. You even had me fooled.”  

Jean had a way with words and people that Marco, for all everyone’s claims that he was personable and kind and for all the people that liked him and spilled their secrets thoughtlessly, would never hope to duplicate. Jean saw right through people, could determine who a person was just by watching them for a little while and just like he knew just the thing to get under someone’s skin and push all the wrong buttons he could do this too; find the right thing to push on to shake a person to their core.   

Connie put a hand on Reiner’s hand, voice taking on an edge of desperation. “Was it all a lie? When we all pledged to survive, when we said that we’d all live to become old men and drink together...all of that stuff. Was it a lie?”

There was no reply; even Eren was quiet. Connie smacked Reiner’s hand with the hilt of his blade then screamed, face screwed up and turning red.

“WELL? What have you been thinking up until now? Are we friends or not?”

A noise like a sob came from inside the safety of Reiner’s hand.

“It doesn’t matter.” Mikasa snapped and Marco could picture her stony expression perfectly. “They are a plague upon mankind and that’s enough.”

“No it’s not enough.” Jean snapped back. “Fuck mankind, I don’t give a shit if they eat everyone but I-We! We deserve answers.”

“She’s right.” Bertolt said. “Even if we’re killed we only did what we were told to do with, what’s supposed to come naturally, and it can’t be undone. We can’t be forgiven. But...the only time was enjoyable was when were pretending to be soldiers. We deceived you but not everything was a lie. Connie! Jean! We really did think of you as friends!

“We have no way to apologize, nothing can be enough and we know that! You think we don’t know we don’t have a chance now but what else can we do!? Just give up and let you kill us without even fighting?” Bertolt drew in a deep breath. “We don’t want to die, we don’t, but what choice is there? It was determined before we even meet you.”

“There’s a choice.” Jean’s hand fell onto Marco’s choice and squeezed. “Let Eren go.”

“No one else has to die.” Eren said, voice a bit mufflednby Reiner's hand and lacking its usual heat. Instead he sounded exhausted. “Krista and Jean aren’t letting you take Marco and Ymir and the two of you can’t get away alone.”

“Let us help you.” Connie said.

“Don’t take Eren from me.” Armin’s voice cracked. “Please.”

The silence that followed seemed to stretch forever. Then Jean cursed hand tightening on Marco’s shoulder and Reiner came to a halt so suddenly he swayed forward. He looked up, taking in the near identical looks of wide-eyed shock the others were wearing before looking forward.

Racing towards them, lead by a flinty eyed Commander Erwin and other members of their branch, was a horde of titans. Marco didn’t bother counting how many; he just knew there were enough that they didn't have a chance.

“You all need to get off of here before those titans reach us!” He grabbed the wrist of the hand on his shoulder. Jean jerked away, glaring, then kicked Reiner’s hand.

“You here that?! We’re all about to die up here! That what you assholes want?”