Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“...a Unicorn?”

“ A UNICORN!” Wade shouted at the top of his lungs excitedly jumping up and down.

“Wade, are you sure? I mean you said the same thing about the mermaid…”

“ you promised to never bring her up”

Peter threw his hands up defensively to show he meant no harm. Wade was always concocting new adventures for the two of them, just to get Peter out of the house. Apart from work and spider-man duties he barely ever left the house, he liked his house! After a long day there was nothing better than coming home, sitting on the couch, and passing the fuck out 5 minutes into a shitty movie.

Wade was very convincing though.

“Alright, where did you say it was?”

Wade made a giggy squeal before grabbing Peter’s hand and literally dragging him out the door. Peter just went along with it without a word, when Wade was this focused on something anything else goes in one ear and out the other. He dragged Peter all around the city waving and smiling at strangers passing by as if they were old friends. 

That was something he really admired about Wade, no matter who or where they were he could make at least one friend. Growing up how he did (or how Peter assumed he did), it seemed like he was making up for lost time. Doing his best to change any frowns he saw into smiles; especially when it came to Peter. 

He had to admit that while he liked his time at home…he rarely smiled in those times of couch naps and junk food. But times like this? With Wade literally dragging Peter out of the house just to see him smile? He couldn’t stop.

“Where the hell are we going? You’ve been dragging me around for like 30 minutes”

Wade used his free hand to give Peter a dismissive wave, which was Peter’s singal to just trust him. After running down a few more streets, a few more alleyways, and through an abandoned building he stopped abruptly. 

In the middle of an empty lot.

Full of trash.

“A trash heap? What were you doing in a trash heap across town?”

“Dumpster diving for valuables, obviously. This is the rich neighborhood”

“I can’t tell if you’re joking or not”

“Wanna take a guess?”

“...I’m not gonna like the answer am I?”

“No. No you’re not. Anyway I saw it over by that iron man lunchbox” Wade pointed over to a smaller pile of trash behind them

Peter furrowed his brow as his eyes followed Wade’s finger, sure enough at the bottom of the pile was a rusty old iron man lunchbox with the eyes freshly scratched out. With a small sigh to prepare, he carefully made his way over to the trash pile. After a few minutes of rummaging around and looking at the surrounding piles he brushed aside a large piece of metal to find

A rat.

With a pink paper horn tied to its head.

Chapter Text

Thud

"Fuck."

A pained groan rang out through the apartment waking Peter up, right as he began to drift off.

"Wade? Is that you?" Peter quickly rose to his feet tossing on the nearest pair of boxers he could reach. Without waiting for a response he tip-toed his way to the living room. His Spider-sense wasn't ringing, which meant it had to be Wade...that oooor Doc Ock finally succeeded in making a machine that jammed his spidey sense.

Can never be too careful.

Once he got to the living room Peter found the window wide open, with his boyfriend laying on the floor in front of it staring at the ceiling.

“Honeyyyy I’m homeee” Wade groaned “sorry to drop in like this, but I can’t seem to find my keys.”

“ Wade oh my god what’s wrong!?” Peter ran to his boyfriend’s side 

“Nothing that I can’t handle…I just need a minute…or a few…or several…” he faked a toothy grin with a deep, pained breath “Just pushed myself a bit too hard, and now my muscles are made of cement”

His heart sank, in all the years of Wade crawling through his window beaten and bruised, he’d never shown this much pain. Not even when he literally died. Without another word Peter scooped him up carefully carrying him to their bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow Wade visibly relaxed, closing his eyes as his breath evened out.

“Some healing factor, huh? Heals bullet wounds in seconds but one wrong move and my ass is on fire”

“Your ass is on fire?”

“ Scalding. Haven’t felt a burn like this since boot camp” with a few more grunts and groans Wade rolled over onto his stomach relaxing further into the mattress with a relieved sigh

Peter’s eyes immediately landed on Wade’s ass. God, he loved Wade’s ass. It seemed like no matter what he wore (or didn’t wear) his ass looked fantastic. Even before they started dating his eyes often wandered to that absolutely gorgeous tushie.

“Well you may not know this about me but putting out ass fires is my specialty. Maybe you could use a hand?”

Wade laughed shaking his head a little “be my guest, as long as you never talk about my ass fires again”

“Deal.”

Peter wasted no time in getting positioned sitting on the back of Wade’s thighs, and pulling down the pants of his suit; revealing those lacey red panties he loved so dearly. The ones that followed the curves of his body so elegantly the waistband resting just below the small of his back. The ones with such a vibrant cherry red color that just the thought of them made him blush. He couldn’t bear to remove them, the view was too perfect. Peter carefully got to work using his years of personal experience to massage the pain out of his boyfriend’s ass. 

He knew that even without his help, the pain would go away pretty quickly.

But his boyfriend was in pain, and he couldn’t stand that.

Chapter Text

“PETRA, OH MY GOD COME QUICK!”

A loud thud rang throughout the apartment followed by heavy footsteps that came to a screeching halt at the doorway.

“WHAT’S WRONG!? IS IT THE RATS AGAIN!?” Petra shouted wielding a mop like a baseball bat nervously looking around the room for potential threats

“Nothing, I just needed to show you how great my boobs looked in this new shirt I bought.” Wanda puffed out her chest with a wink blowing her girlfriend a kiss

Without missing a beat Petra smacked Wanda with the mop head before turning around and storming out of the bedroom. She should've known better. Wanda was always being overdramatic just to see Petra flustered, and unfortunately…she had it down to a science . As much as she hated to admit it, she loved that about Wanda. 

The confidence that exuded with every shit eating grin, every flip of her ponytail, every cheesy pun. It all made Petra’s heart flutter with the same intensity as the first time. Wanda knew what she wanted and she wasn’t afraid to take it, no matter how big of a fool she made herself. 

Petra made her way back to the kitchen putting the mop back in its home next to the stove. What was she doing before?

…

…

…

Well hopefully she’ll remember…at some point.

“Petra…”

Gentle arms wrapped around her waist from behind rubbing her stomach as a weight pressed between her shoulder blades.

“Yeees?” Petra responded crossing her arms 

“I’m sorry…”

“For?”

Wanda let out a quiet sigh tightening her arms around her girlfriend's waist

“I’m sorry for faking an emergency just to show off my boobs… again ” 

“And?”

“...you’re the smartest, prettiest, and best girlfriend I’ve ever had.”

Petra turned around to look Wanda in the eyes, puffing out her cheeks in a faux pout. Wordlessly, Wanda tucked one of the many pieces of unruly hair behind Petra’s ear, kissing each cheek before landing a soft peck on her lips.

“I love you…” Wanda breathed out, barely above a whisper

“You- you what? ” 

Petra’s entire body tensed up, sure she knew Wanda loved her; they lived together for Christ's sake, and Wanda only occasionally complained about her snoring. But this was the first time she’d ever said it.

Wanda’s face flushed “Fuck, did I say that out loud? S-sorry you just look so cute when you’re pretending to be mad at me and I guess it just sli-”

Before she could even finish Petra crashed their lips together, pressing as close together as physically possible. Wanda let out a surprised squeak, returning the kiss with the same amount of need and passion. 

“I love you too” Petra shouted “I love you so so so much. So much that it hurts.”

“That’s what she said”

Chapter Text

"Sweetie, it's time for school"

Soft morning sunlight spilled through a gap in the curtains, highlighting the young girl’s beautiful brown curls. She buried her face into the pillow in a futile attempt to avoid the sun’s signal for another day. Unlike her father she was not a morning person; if it was up to her she’d stay in bed until the very last second before her class started.

"AuGhggH five more minutes" she grumbled into the pillow

"Eleanor, that's the 6th time you've asked for 5 more minutes. Up. Now." Peter firmly shook her shoulder in an attempt to annoy her out of bed.

With another guttural groan Ellie literally rolled out of bed, falling face first on the wooden floor with a loud thud. A piercing screech ripped through the air as she shot up right gripping her left arm for dear life.

"I BROKE MY ARM! DADDY, I NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!"

"Nice try. Wade left an hour ago." Peter sighed, adjusting his tie as he walked towards the door "I laid some clothes out on your desk for you. Be ready in 15"

After he closed the door Peter heard shuffling indicating that she in fact did not need a hospital and was getting dressed. Peter sat down at the kitchen table, finally able to enjoy the breakfast of eggs and toast that Wade had left for the two of them. Taking a sip of his coffee he leaned back in his chair while reading the news on his phone. For once in what felt like forever super villain crimes had been few and far between, meaning that he was spending less time as Spider-man and more time being Peter Parker. However, after literal decades of crime fighting even during lax periods like this he still made sure to keep up-to-date on things. Especially now that he’s got a family to protect. 

Ellie came shuffling out of her room with a big yawn dragging her backpack behind her and flopping down in the chair next to Peter.

“Morning, sunshine” he said smiling around the rim of his mug “sleep well?”

“Like a rock. I dreamt I was a unicorn princess…it was glorious” Ellie rested her head on her hand with a longing sigh, looking off into the distance presumably reliving her dream.

Peter chuckled in response ruffling her hair “I can’t wait to hear all about it on our swing to school.”

–

“Oh thank god just in time. Gogogogo” Peter quickly put Ellie on her feet giving her a gentle shove “If you’re late again Mrs. Garcia is gonna call another meeting.”

As soon as she was shoved Ellie jogged all the way up main steps, but once she got to the doorway she turned on her heels to face Peter waving with her whole body as she yelled

“Bye Dad! Love you!”

“Love you too! Have a great d-” as soon as he realized Peter’s face went bright red

Dad? Did she just call him…Dad?