Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Juniberry flowers weren't difficult to grow. They didn't need as much water as the colorful flowers on Earth. On Althea, their natural habitat was a warmer and drier climate. Just like succulents, they needed heat, they had to be fertilized only in summer with preparations with a significant admixture of nitrogen. They grew best on window sills, where they could bask in the sun's rays, but at the same time, they were protected from the deadly temperature by the glass.

It took Lance almost two years to come to all these conclusions and perfect the way he handled flowers. Some of them grew in pots on the McClains’ farm, the other part adorned the backyard garden. Lance's younger siblings and cousins took the matter of watering plants and pulling out weeds very seriously. It was enough to remind them from time to time about the needs of the plants and the youngsters took care of almost everything for him.

The days on the farm near Varadero were calm, though filled with laughter and screams of the children.

How good it is to be home again , Lance thought sarcastically every time his family began to annoy him.

In fact, he missed his home, family, and Earth inexpressibly while he was in space. Speaking Spanish and the curses from Veronica's mouth, the smell of manure in the morning. The atmosphere of Varadero and Cuban cuisine.

He was just replanting the blooming juniberry flower that was supposed to be a gift for Shiro and Curtis when Veronica entered the shed with a tablet in her hand.

"We have to leave in four hours," she said without looking up from the screen. ”Are you packed?”

Lance patted the soil gently around the flower in the new pot and reached for the watering can.

“Yes, I just need to secure these flowers so that they do not get damaged during the journey.”

Veronica finally noticed the three pots with dewy flowers standing in the cleanest place of the shed. Water droplets still glistened on the leaves.

“What do you need these stalks for?”

Lance sighed a long and irritated sigh, Veronica had never been able to appreciate the beauty of nature as he and their mother had.

"It's a gift for the rest," he explained.

He watered the last flower and removed the garden gloves from his hand. He tossed them onto a rickety chair nearby and straightened. The cross hurt a little after several minutes of squatting and work. He could feel Veronica's eyes on him all the time.

“You must miss them very much if you are going to give them just this,” she said with a nasty smile.

"Do not make me angry," Lance growled.

“Oh, come on. Your obsession with these flowers is adorable.”

He hated to banter with her, but after so long he was able to get out of the conversation without risking his sadness returning.

“Is it strange that I want to surround myself with beautiful things since we have too few mirrors in the house?” He flashed his suit of white teeth at her.

“What about mirrors... You narcissist!”

The indignation in her voice reminded him of the time he teased Keith. He missed his voice and hoped to see him again today. He did not ask Shiro who he had invited to stay at his new house for a few days, but Lance was sure Keith was obligatory on the guest list. They were like brothers with Shiro to each other. Lance had once thought of Keith as more than a friend, but they hadn't seen each other very often since then. He still remembered their conversation while watching the sunset and what words had been spoken then...

Warmth poured over Lance's heart, and then it was chilled by the painful chill of memories.

Lance passed his sister and walked across the wide yard toward the house. Veronica followed him.

"Hope Shiro and Curtis are alright. You don't even know how much we miss them in the Garrison,” she chattered. “I miss having coffee together. It's not the same without them!”

“I never would have thought that your icy heart could miss someone!” He laughed, which got him hit on the head. "You have Griffin and the rest of the youngsters.” They used to call this way the MFE fighter pilots, even though Lance was the same age. Yet everyone treated him like he was a little older. He felt young and old at the same time as if everything that he had experienced had sucked out of him some of the joy he had displayed before. “And old Iverson. Chat with him about handsome men and hot chicks.”

Well, he tried his best to be that happy old Lance, but sometimes he just didn't get it right. He liked being the happy guy who made everyone laugh, even when it was hard.

Veronica grunted in reply. He loved to upset her.

"How're things going with Acxa, hmm?" He raised his eyebrows eloquently as he saw the blush creep across his sister's cheeks. He couldn't help but smile broadly. “How's winning women's hearts going? Want some advice from the master?”

Veronica hit him on the shoulder.

“Yeah, because a teenybopper like you would hit on a chick.”

Lance opened his mouth to protest, then closed it as Allura's name echoed in his mind. Veronica must have seen it in his eyes because she instantly stopped teasing him.

"Acxa's fine, she took command of The Blade after Keith left."

For a brief moment, Allura's and Keith's names were the only things that sounded in Lance's mind. When they reached the porch stairs, he turned to Veronica and said:

“Galrans are terrible when it comes to dating. Believe me, I've met a few. They don't understand the subtle signals and don't know what romanticism is.”

"So what are you suggesting, woman's heartbreaker?" Veronica crossed her arms and looked at him defiantly. But he saw the relief in her attitude. Sometimes he hated the way she cared for him so much.

He smiled widely.

"Take her to the shooting range as part of the date and write on your forehead I hope we'll end up in bed after all cuz you're a hot chick . Maybe then she’ll get it.”

Veronica snorted at him.

"Now, since you despise my valuable advice," he smiled at her, "you will help me choose which swimming trunks are the most stylish." Seeing her expression, he added: "What? I need to look divine so that Shiro will always remember the day I set foot on his island!”

Saturday's chats with Pidge were always the same. Keith heated in a microwave some supermarket quick food and pulled juice out of the refrigerator while promising himself that he would start cooking from the next day. However, he never managed to stick to the decision for more than a few days, he simply did not have the strength to waste time laboring over pots.

He then placed a tray of steaming mush of fish, potatoes, and gummy vegetables on the desk and received a video call from the Garrison. Pidge always started her conversation with a stream of thoughts, spewing out random facts about fantasy games and descriptions of events that had happened over the past week - what her family argued about this time, how much she hated her mother's overprotection, with what’s new Matt had come up and what stupid Rizavi did.

It took a few minutes for Keith to eat his dinner and give all the vegetables to Kosmo. Before he could drift away, Pidge asked:

“And how are you?”

This time he also answered the same as usual.

“Okay.” Not entirely a lie, not entirely true. Recently, most of his answers have been full of unsaid facts.

“You're talkative,” Pidge mocked him.

She was bending over the worktable, fumbling with a screwdriver at suspicious-looking metal parts.

“Do I want to know what you are actually building?” He asked.

He was never good at having a conversation, but with Pidge it wasn't difficult, just let her talk on a topic she was interested in and sometimes answer a question. If only all human relationships were so simple.

“Nope. You just get bored listening to my chatter. In this one you are similar to Lance, you have never developed a more than decent interest in technology and engineering.”

Keith's mind snapped to the sound of Lance's name, and as always, he felt mixed emotions. He hoped Pidge had been too busy creating the next machinery humanity needed and didn't see his reaction. He had the impression that Kosmo was looking at him from the couch with pity. This is how he would look at himself if he were a space wolf slavering the couch.

“How's Griffin doing?” quickly changed the subject.

“Are you asking for him because you are really interested or just still sorry that you beat him up?”

“Will you always bring it up?” He muttered indignantly. “I was a kid. Answer the question.”

“He’s quite fine, the MFE fighters aren't Voltron, but they manage. Him and all the rest. When they’re doing what they should and not disturbing my peace of mind.”

 Then she began to talk about the new initiatives Garrison was about to introduce, about her and Matt's ideas, how the canteen renovation took too long time, and how an important cable was lost and then was found a few days later in the ladies' restroom, and that it was definitely not her fault.

Pidge's chatter flew in with one ear and out with the other.

Keith had returned to Earth almost six months earlier, resigning from being a member of the Blade of Marmora, which he had helped transform into a charity. After returning to his home planet, he immediately holed up in his father's hut, away from cities, civilization, aliens, and all the changes that took place on Earth. He missed the world he knew from his teenage years before they found the Blue Lion. He left as a boy, came back as a man, and he couldn't fit in again. He never really could, but now everything seemed to be a lot more complicated than when he was younger.

He felt overwhelmed, he needed peace and quiet, and loneliness served him.

He had to take a break from space and saving the universe, catch his breath and think about what to do next. And even though a few months had passed, he still didn't know what he wanted to do.

Pidge’s urging him to return to the Garrison didn't help. He appreciated that the Holts and Iverson himself wanted him back at the unit, and although he had trouble deciding what he wanted to do with his life, he definitely knew he didn't want to do this . He doesn't want to fly in space anymore and fight, since he didn't have to. Not without friends, not without the Red and Black Lions.

I guess I deserved a little peace after all this, right?

He thought Shiro came up with a similar assumption when he left Atlas and the fight behind him and took a small island in the Atlantic Ocean from the Garrison. Now he was living there with her husband and invited friends and former comrades of arms to visit their little paradise.

“So, when are you going to visit Shiro?” Keith asked, who was already bored of hearing about adapting Althean technology to terrestrial realities.

"First of all," Pidge sounded exasperated, "we're all going, you too, Mr. Emo-Loner. Second, it's today.”

Keith looked surprised at the calendar on the wall. He had lost track of time, all he knew was that today was Saturday because he had spoken to Pidge, but which in turn and in which month he did not.

"Don’t tell me you forgot about it!" Pidge screamed at his confused expression.

"I haven't forgotten," murmured, trying to defend himself. Keith tried to pretend in front of everyone that he knew what he was doing, that he was responsible and was doing well, but those appearances were built on shaky foundations. Keith hated feeling lost, and he was lost during the last few weeks in space and now on Earth. “Besides, I told Shiro that I don't know if I will be able to come.”

“And why is that?”

Keith felt attacked and cornered, and Pidge knew very well that Keith was not okay. She was surprisingly good at reading him like an open book.

“I have a few things to do …”

"Phi, not a few things," she said without looking up, which only irritated Keith. "It's a fake, you're trying to distance yourself from us again."

I already did, Pidge , crossed his mind. We've all moved apart in the last two years.

“You cannot know that.”

“Of course, I can.” She glanced at him briefly. “You are my friend and I know you well enough to see when you distance yourself and change into the emo kid you were in the beginning. What happened to your confidence, Keith? Is something bothering you?”

Shit, she was way too good at figuring out how he felt.

"I'm tired of all this," he sighed.

“What exactly?”

The better question would be what he wasn’t tired about.

"The Blade of Marmora, the Galactic Coalition, and all the work of rebuilding the universe. I was much better at fighting the bad guys.”

Pidge laughed.

“I understand you perfectly. On the one hand, I am tired of sitting on my butt and lack adrenaline. On the other hand, I am finally with my family, doing what I love the most.” In a softer voice, she added, "What about Krolia and Kolivan?"

Typical weekly question for which Keith only had one answer.

“I think it's okay. I haven't talked to them for a long time. If they needed my help, they would have called.”

As always, Pidge was dissatisfied with this answer. Keith himself would like to have more to say about it. He knew his mother was deeply committed to restoring Galra's good name. After all, she had fought among the Blade of Marmora to free the universe from the cruel tyranny of Zarkon, later Lotor, and finally Honerva. Fighting for freedom and peace has always been part of her life, for this, she had abandoned Keith and his father once.

And though they had spent two years travelling through the Quantum Abyss and grew closer, Keith still wished she had been with him when his father died. That she hadn't been present in his life since forever. He hated that their contact was breaking off again. He couldn't do anything with the amount of work that was overwhelming her and Kolivan. They talked whenever they could, but Keith was still a little angry at heart that she had again chosen something else than living peacefully with him on Earth.

Some aren't made to age peacefully, she had told him the last time they saw each other.

But am I? he wondered now.

All he knew was that he wanted peace of mind, stabilization. Someone by your side. But would such a life be enough for him?

Then the topic of conversation turned to something Pidge was enthusiastic about. Keith didn't dare to say anything. When she finally stopped to catch her breath, he quickly changed the subject.

“How's Lance?” He asked in a neutral tone.

Pidge stopped playing with the robot's components and looked up at him. Keith felt as if in her eyes flashed anger or disappointment, but it might as well be just a reflection of light in her glasses. Even so, his stomach tightened. This girl had the devil's gaze and was three times more terrifying than Satan himself.

"Not very well," she replied calmly, though the tone of her voice changed. Keith was afraid he knew what she was getting at. “Do you talk to each other at all?”

“No.”

That one syllable sounded much sadder than he liked. He was getting better at controlling his emotions and being calm about his life, but only when the conversation wasn't about Lance or Allura's sacrifice. Each time he remembered that horrible, wicked thought that had crept into his mind after her death and would not leave him.

He disgusted himself.

He clenched his hands into fists and pressed them against his thighs. Kosmo looked up from the couch that served as his bedding and looked at Keith with concern.

"And you should," Pidge said. “You really want it, don't you? That's why you need to visit Shiro today and talk to him. Besides, Shiro has a surprise for us.”

She spat out the last word in disgust. It was clear that she hated surprises.

Keith wanted to accept the offer but knew he shouldn't, if only for his mental and emotional health. He didn't want to make himself suffer again.

"I’m not sure".

Pidge put down the screwdriver with a loud thud, Keith nearly jumped in his chair, surprised by her sudden reaction.

And real anger in my eyes. What did he do to get this reaction?

“Do you think I'm stupid or blind?” She asked and crossed her arms and looked at him defiantly. Pidge was terrifying with that face even if she was much younger.

Keith was confused. He had dealt with the worst representatives of the Galran leaders who were deadly, but it was Pidge's steely gaze and tone of voice that sent shivers down his spine.

“Pidge, I would never have thought of you like that…”

"Of course not," she interrupted. “So don't treat me like I'm a fool, okay? I have eyes and a brain and I can add two and two, so I can clearly see you drooling over your desk every time I mention Lance.”

Keith's cheeks burned.

"I'm not drooling," he protested.

Pidge's left eyebrow rose, contorting in disdain.

“You sound like a grumpy lady, Keith. I may be asexual and aromatic, but I can see when sexual tension enters a room and kicks my buddy in the ass, like anyone with two brain cells.” Pidge softened a little seeing Keith's expression. “So definitely not Lance.”

Keith snorted involuntarily under his breath. The cramps in his stomach were gone, but he still felt uncomfortable. He hated when someone knew his secrets.

“Is it so obvious?”, asked pathetically.

He always did this when it came to Lance.

“Yup. If you had a tail you would probably wag it in his presence until it fell off. Unless another part of the body would get involved.”

“Pidge!” Keith protested indignantly, flushing.

“Come on? I'm not a child anymore. Neither do you, and you must finally address your feelings. That's why I got you a place on the plane next to Hunk and me. You'll be able to confront Lance face to face. Don't worry, we'll see him tonight, Veronica said she'd drop him off.”

Keith almost groaned at himself in anger, as hope lit up in him again.

"Come on, I know you want it," Pidge said, a nasty smirk stuck to her lips.

Sure he wanted it. Wanted to see not only Lance but other friends as well. He missed them, he missed the years they had spent during the war. He missed a sense of purpose. Besides Shiro, Pidge, and Hunk. And Lance.

Oh God, he missed Lance so much.

Pidge's wide smirk finally convinced him.

"All right," he sighed. “But I don't promise you anything.”

“You think I’m planning something?” Pidge laughed. “Maybe I should.”

"I hate you sometimes, Holt," he sighed.

“Love you too, Kogane.” She glanced at her watch. “Great, I'll send Matt for you, he’ll be there in three hours. Don't talk to him about the new Monsters and Mana , he'll bore you to death and I need you alive. And take Kosmo, I want to pet him. You'll see, it'll be fun. And finally, smile."

Keith lifted the corner of his mouth, Pidge gave him a thumbs-up and hung up. Kosmo got off the couch and rested his head on Keith's lap. He looked at him with dark eyes, as if to ask if he was okay. Keith preferred not to answer that question. He scratched the wolf behind the ears.

“Looks like we need to pack, buddy.”

Chapter Text

“I can't wait to see their new home,” Hunk chattered happily as they flew over the Atlantic Ocean. “Shiro definitely deserves a decent retirement for everything he has done, but his own island!? That’s extravagance!”

They flew in a small private air ferry. The inside was bright and the flight was supposed to last only five hours, so there was only the necessary crew on board. Keith felt weird sitting in an elegant armchair like a businessman in an old movie. Kosmo lay down at his feet, he refused to be strapped with special animal belts to one of the sofas. The ferry was slowly descending, and they were about to land.

Pidge was sitting with a tablet on her lap texting someone, so Hunk turned to Keith.

“May I ask you how much the Garrison gave you? I don't want to be rude, I'm just curious.”

Hunk's embarrassment was lovely. Even though he now had his own galactic business, he still remained the kindly polite Hunk that the Paladins loved. Keith missed the old days far more than he should, considering there was a war raging back then. He couldn't help but simply lack the constant presence of friends.

"Enough not to have to work for the rest of my life, as long as I don't waste my money left and right," he admitted evasively. Each of them was honoured by the Garrison with a lifetime salary that fed the former Paladins' accounts each month.

"You haven't really checked your account even once, have you?" Pidge muttered maliciously. Everyone knew that she couldn’t save any money and immediately spent it on electronic gadgets and components.

Kosmo rested his head on Keith's leg, demanding attention, which gave the boy a few seconds to hide his consternation.

“I am simply terrified by the sum visible there, you soulless creature.”

Pidge threw a peanut at him. Keith crushed with fingers, watching her sharp gaze with satisfaction.

“I forgot about that Galran reflex.”

Keith rolled his eyes.

“It's my normal reflexes, being half Galranin gives me almost no useful abilities...”

"Only chronic antisocial," muttered Hunk and immediately gave Keith an apologetic smile.

Pidge huffed with amusement. Keith sighed, he couldn't be angry with them for how they perceived him. Their remarks were even amusing at times.

He could almost feel the Galran birthmark on his right cheek grow a little warm. It wasn't until recently that he felt weird when people were looking at it. He had never realized before that this, in a way, marks him as a misfit among Earthlings, in his own home.

He wished he could stop thinking about it

He was not one of the effusive people, always a loner. Years later he was able to conclude that it was probably due to his mother's early abandonment and his father's later death. He lacked parental figures in life until Shiro appeared and became Keith's brother, in a way, even a father.

Even after all these years, Keith would be able to do anything for a friend, he loved him just as you love your closest family member.

Even so, he was nervous about meeting Shiro. Over the last few years, they have grown apart. It was the natural course of things, because Shiro fell in love, got married and started a family. Keith was in space at the time and was busy with completely different things. He felt as if he had missed a very important moment in Shiro's life.

He closed his eyes to relax and not think about any unpleasant things.

"Lance has landed, Veronica just wrote to me," Pidge said. Keith's traitorous heart leapt harder at the fact that he was only a dozen minutes away from meeting a man who was like his brother and the boy who stole his heart.

The island was heavenly.

Lance had no idea where exactly he was, hadn't listened to Veronica during the flight. He was too busy staring at the soft white clouds and the vastness of the ocean below. And too focused on his own feelings eating his heart alive from his chest. He was starting to choke in the small cabin, in the co-pilot's seat.

He calmed down a bit as they began to land, and the small piece of land slowly grew larger and larger. Veronika landed the ferry on a small landing field right next to the tropical forest. Lance unbuckled his seat belts before the engine stopped running and immediately jumped out, carried away by his sister's curses.

He stood on the hot concrete slab that served as the landing field and inhaled the hot, stuffy air. A breeze from the ocean visible through the trees blew his hair, and exotic birds sang in the bushes. The sky was pristine blue. Lance began to sweat immediately, though he was used to the warm climate.

"Lance!"

Lance turned as he heard his name spoken by Shiro. Lance saw a path leading into the bush and other parts of the island. And a widely smiling Shiro.

Older friends fell into each other's arms. Lance almost cried out, remembering every moment Shiro had been a support for him during all these years of fighting for freedom together.

"How good to see you," Lance said as Shiro finally released him.

The man looked completely different with a few days old beard, a T-shirt with shoulder straps, shorts and flip-flops. Different and at the same time the same as on the bridge in the Castle of Lions or on the Atlas.

“I'm so glad you came. Hi Veronica.”

Veronica, clearly angry, approached them and threw a travel bag at Lance.

“Hey, there are pots!” Lance protested. He grabbed the strap of the bag before it hit the ground. Sister gave him an irritated look that she had perfected for many years, then turned to Shiro.

“Good to see you again. We miss you in the Garrison.”

She hugged her old captain. From her expression, Lance could tell that Veronica missed Curtis and Shiro more than she would have been willing to admit. He knew they had been really good friends for a while but had no idea that these two men meant so much to his sister.

He understood, however, how bonding together for a higher goal strengthened.

"We're also missing work," Shiro replied, looking happy and rested. “Or at least sometimes. It's hard not to enjoy being in a place like this. Are you gonna stay for dinner?”

Veronica's eyes brightened, but she shook her head.

“No, I have to go back and finish a few things. Kiss Curtis for me. I'll stop by to pick up that jerk in a few days.” She nodded her head to her brother and she was gone.

“That jerk loves you too!” Lance shouted after her.

"Come on, I'll show you around while the rest is still gone," Shiro said as the ferry rose above the ocean.

They followed the path through the tropical forest, which became twice as loud as they entered the brush. Lance had never been in a jungle before - at least not in Earth's jungle - but he immediately fell in love with the humidity of the air, which must have worked wonders to moisturize the skin.

The only problem was the mosquitoes. And other invisible creatures roaming the treetops.

“Do you have snakes here?” Lance asked with sudden panic. “You shouldn't be walking in those funny shoes if there are snakes here.”

Shiro looked amused as he chased away a large mosquito with his hand.

“We don't have snakes…”

“Oof.”

“…But there are monkeys and they are much more dangerous.”

A crooked smile crossed Shiro's face. Lance looked up so quickly that something cracked painfully in his neck. He looked at the treetops with fear. As a child, he was terribly afraid of wild animals that could be found on the Hicacos peninsula. Panic must have been written on his face as Shiro laughed and slapped him hard on the back.

“You bastard!” Lance said indignantly. "There aren't any monkeys here, are there ?! You wanted to make fun of me! Of me?! You broke my heart!”

Shiro laughed again and Lance angrily marched faster just to get out of the trees.

The path led him to a low cliff, from which there was a beautiful view of the rising sun and a wide beach, to which a gently sloping path led. The ocean formed a small cove here, and the waves lapped lazily against the shore. The little boat leaned against a tall palm tree a few meters from the ocean.

But Lance's gaze immediately turned from that paradise view to the house rising on the cliff.

“This is your house?” He asked incredulously. “Bombastic!”

The house was single-story but huge. The attention was drawn to large windows and a façade imitating palm wood, a wide terrace under the pergola. Lance remembered all those shows about finding your dream house he loved to watch with his mom and Abuela.

"I can't believe the Garrison gave you such a thing!"

“I'm glad you like it.” Shiro led him to the terrace and through the ajar door, which was actually a large glass. It was much cooler inside thanks to the air conditioner. "We have way too many guest rooms, so we can't wait for you to take them over."

They stayed in the part of the house that must have been a living room with a kitchen. The couch and pouffes were placed in front of the TV set, and the island separated the relaxation area from the bright, spacious kitchen. Lance was so stunned by the simplicity of the luxury surrounding him that he could barely focus on Shiro's words.

"You don't even know how glad I am to be with all of you again."

Shiro's warm smile made Lance smile, though the treacherous word still echoed in his mind - all of them. No, he wanted to say, Coran is not with us. And Allura is gone. But he was silent, he did not want to spoil this moment, the happiness that came from being in the same room with a friend who was like a brother to him, and for some time even like a father.

“Where's Curtis?” Lance inquired as they walked down the bright corridor. “I can't wait to see him.”

A mysterious gaze flashed in Shiro's eyes.

"Oh, Curtis will be here as soon as the others arrive. We have a surprise that we want to share with you.”

“Oh no! You’re telling me something like that and want me to be patient. No way!”

"Good to know you're still the same Lance we love." The tenderness in the man's voice made Lance's eyes burn.

"Well, I hope you're still our Space Daddy because it'll be interesting when you have to babysit us again."

Oh, mother, how much Lance longed for the calm contentment spreading over Shiro's face.

“That's what I'm counting on.”

Keith lowered his bag to the ground, and Kosmo danced around his legs, pleased with his regained freedom.

"Oh," Pidge blurted out at the sight of the house on the cliff. She stood with her mouth open.

“I thought the same.”

Keith knew Shiro's house was large and luxurious, but it was beyond his expectations. He was already starting to sweat under his black clothes, the air felt as if it were sticking to his skin.

"Warm at last," muttered Hunk, the most cold-sensitive person in the galaxy.

Shiro smiled like a proud host and brought them inside. They followed the narrow path to the back entrance.

“How do you get around the island?” Keith asked.

Hunk and Pidge paid attention to nature and the picturesque view of the ocean, but Keith's mind focused on the practicalities of living here. He wanted to talk to Shiro about anything. The mere fact of being right next to him made the vast emptiness in Keith's heart shrink.

“There are several hiking paths and some wild trails, we usually don't go to the other side of the island, there are only sharp rocks. However, if we have to go there, we go by boat.”

“What about food deliveries?”

"Someone arrives with new supplies every week."

“What if you ran out of them?”

Shiro's eyes brightened as always when he was proud or enjoying Keith's accomplishments or curiosity.

They entered a long, bright corridor with many doors.

“We have supplies in the pantry, and there is also a lot of edible fruit on the island. We could also try fishing, but to be honest I don't know if any live in such warm waters and…”

“What if…”

"Keith, don't bother Shiro," Pidge cut in.

There was a sharp smile on her lips, she was looking around as if she was looking for someone... Oh, yeah. Keith was so pleased to see Shiro again that he forgot who had already arrived on the island. Whom he will meet in a moment.

Lance. A tanned face, long limbs, muscles moving under the skin. Blue eyes like the ocean and a snow-white smile. Keith's heart skipped a beat at the mere thought of Lance being close, as close as he hadn't been in the last months.

But still, too far , he thought.

"This room will be yours," Shiro's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“What?”

Pidge and Hunk had already disappeared into their rooms, which were facing each other. Shiro smiled gently and pointed to the next door.

“Make yourself comfortable, you've got a room across from Lance.”

“Where is he?” Keith hoped his voice sounded normal.

Shiro smiled knowingly at him and raised an eyebrow. He could always read Keith without a problem.

“He went for a swim. I'm telling you, this boy can't sit still. And he seems to like the ocean very much.” Keith could have listened to Shiro talking about Lance for hours, if only he hadn't had such strong self-control. "I'll call you all to dinner in a few minutes."

He patted Keith on the back in a fraternal gesture. Shiro would always be his older brother, role model and friend. To see him in his own home with the serenity painted on his face was something incredibly satisfying and painful at the same time. Keith was no longer part of his life, Shiro now had a family of his own.

His assigned room was larger than he expected, but with not much furniture. Like the rest of the house, it was kept in bright colours. Kosmo immediately jumped on the bed and curled up on it, though it was far too narrow for a space wolf. Keith put his bag back in the closet and looked out the window. He could see a path leading into a tropical forest, tall trees and a colourful bird on one of the branches. Golden rays piercing through the thicket of leaves reminded him of the two-year journey he made with his mother.

A journey he hoped would take his mind long enough to make him forget about Lance. Even before leaving the other Paladins, he was head over heels in love with him, and the fact that Lance looked at him as no other than his friend was heartbreaking. A lot.

At last, he hoped he would be able to free himself from that feeling. Indeed, at first, it seemed incredibly easy to fall out of love. Every day he thought about Lance less and less, and finally not at all. He was not very happy about it, but the rational part of his mind was telling him that it would be better.

Better for it to die than to keep you from being happy ever again.

Keith, however, had little idea of happiness then or now.

However, everything was for nothing when he set foot in Castle of Lions again and Lance was the first to approach him. Everything that Keith had put to sleep during those long months suddenly exploded, almost knocking him off his feet. That's why he treated him so cold, that's why he was so insensitive. It terrified him how much he was controlled by emotions, that he couldn't get rid of them.

“Shit!”

Keith slammed his fist on the windowsill, remembering every moment of openness in which he allowed himself to show Lance how he felt about him. And how in any moment Lance hadn't noticed.

And he was here again. In that bright place of his heart, where the illusion of hope that this time it would be different was lingering constantly. That it wouldn't hurt, and a few moments next to Lance would be enough for him. That this would satisfy the need to get closer to him. Only it never was, Keith always wanted more and more. He had always managed to control himself, but what if this time is different?

Was that already masochism?

A few days , he told himself, a few days. This time it will be different. This time I'll tell him.

But he didn't believe himself.

“Dinner!” Shiro called into the house.

While waiting for the guests, he set the table and brought stuffed chicken, salad, and a jug of juice. He placed them next to baked potatoes, zucchini and pepper paste, stuffed mushrooms, meat stewed in sauce, fried tofu, fruit tarts and roasted chicken noodles.

“Lance!” Shiro shouted to the boy still swimming in the ocean. “Move your ass and don't come wet.”

Lance loved to swim in the warm ocean. The current caught his ankles and dragged him gently away from the shore, but the boy knew he couldn't afford to be inattentive. What seemed to be lazy, innocent fun here in the cove could very quickly turn into something dangerous. Lance grew up on a farm near the ocean shore and he heard many stories about drowned kids in his life.

He stepped out of the water onto the beach, the ocean waves fought with his body for a while before letting him go. Sand immediately stuck to his feet. It was warm and fine, like at home. Lance wiped himself with the towel, letting the water droplets from hair run freely down his body. He picked up beach flip-flops and walked slowly towards the stairs to the terrace. He saw Shiro bustling around the house carrying plates of food. Normally, he would have offered to help him, but the proximity to the ocean had made him a little intoxicated.

And he dreaded meeting his friends almost as much as he was looking forward to it at the same time. He missed them but was afraid that after so long they'd been separated, they'd all changed and there was nothing to talk about anymore.

He was aware that this was probably nonsense made up by his weary mind, but it was hard not to give in to the thought.

He missed Pidge and her sharp tongue, he missed mothering Shiro, Hunk's friendly hugs. And especially he missed Keith and the invigorating energy that surrounded him. The way, Lance always felt more alive, more present in his company. Keith grabbed his attention and in darker moments he was Lance's anchor.

Lance also knew that Allura would be missing at the table and Curtis would appear.

He didn't feel bad about it, or at least not as bad as he thought he should.

Lance stepped onto the terrace and saliva immediately rushed into his mouth as he looked at all the food. Shiro just brought wine and glasses.

“Dude, is there a chance I can live here if you and Curtis are eating like that?” He asked. “I can clean for you.”

He hung up a towel on the back of one of the chairs.

“Sorry, but we value privacy if you know what I'm talking about.” Shiro smiled in amusement.

“Was that supposed to be an ambiguous answer? Oh God, Shiro, did you just admit that there is such a thing as sex? Pidge won't believe me!”

"I'm not that stiff," Shiro said indignantly.

Lance laughed at his confused expression.

“Sometimes you are a prudish old lady.”

“It's called good manners.” He glared at Lance with a weird grimace. “Are you gonna eat half-naked?”

Lance put his hand on his hip in a flirtatious pose and gave Shiro his best smile.

"The sight of my divine body only increases our appetite."

Shiro burst out laughing and patted Lance on the back.

“How good to know that you keep making jokes like that.”

“I was serious!”

Just then, a dark figure entered from the living room through a wide-open glass door and carefully approached them.

“Keith!” Lance exclaimed with sincere admiration written on his face and hugged his friend tightly.

For a few seconds, Keith didn't know what to do with his hands, his heart pounding fast. Then he put his hands on Lance's back and hugged back gently as a loud thought broke through the confusion: I’m hugging Lance. Wet, half-naked Lance. Have I died and is it Heaven?

“Hi, Lance.” The boy's name sounded soft as he said it. Keith even allowed himself to smile.

He heard Pidge and Hunk approach them, talking.

They moved away from each other, Lance now lunged to hug Hunk. Keith couldn't look away from his friend's tanned skin, the drops of water running down his neck, spine, lower back, until...

He engrossed himself, realizing what part of his body was focused on him.

Pidge gave him an amused look.

Keith's feelings for Lance were like quicksand. The more he moved, the faster he sank. The only salvation would be complete stillness, rest, and the slow, tiring digging to freedom. But it was too late for him. He was sucked in. He's gone forever.

And now he could only struggle on, hoping that one day salvation would come. That one day Lance would look at Keith the way he had been eyeing him since they landed at the Castle of Lions.

After an effusive greeting, Shiro herded everyone to the table, Keith quickly took a chair next to Lance. Shiro smiled knowingly at him over his plate. Pidge made a mean face and sat down between Keith and Hunk.

Kosmo lay down on the terrace near the table so that he could quickly grab any food that would have fallen to the floor and run away.

“What a feast.” Hunk's eyes almost shone at the sight of all these dishes.

"I'm a much worse cook than you are, so Curtis always keeps me away from the kitchen," Shiro sighed. “I can't promise you that everything will be delicious.”

"About Curtis," Pidge said, "where is he? I want to ask him about your life and where you keep alcohol”.

Shiro struggled not to grin.

“Remember when I told you about this surprise?”

His eyes were shining, he looked like he was about to explode with happiness. Lance hadn't seen him like this since his wedding day. All the time he was swimming in the ocean he wondered what Shiro might have meant by surprise, but he hadn't come up with any sensible idea.

“Yeah, what is it?” Lance asked. “I don't know if I can wait any longer. This is some new form of human torture? Do you like keeping us in suspense, Shiro? Are you a hidden sadist?”

Shiro almost choked on the water, and the rest of them laughed.

"As impatient as ever," Keith muttered teasingly, unable to stop himself. He had always wanted Lance's attention, even that caused by less positive things.

“And you're cranky as always. And your hair grew. Man, I'm gonna miss this mullet. You should be wearing a braid, the dudes in braids are hot.”

Lance smiled at him, Keith's heart trembling at the joy on his face. How many times had he seen the sadness in Lance’s eyes after Allura died? Way too much. Now, as the light reflected in his blue eyes, it felt as if some long-dead part of Lance had come back to life. At least for a while.

He also smiled.

"Wait a minute and get your food," Shiro said. “Be right back.”

He disappeared into the house, and Keith and Lance rushed to eat. Pidge and Hunk watched with amusement as their friends' plates filled with more dishes.

"Just like the good old days," said Pidge. “You still have stomach without bottom”

"And you have a little poisonous tongue," Lance replied with a wry smile.

“This poisonous tongue ushered the Earth into a new era of technological bloom. Have you forgotten who built these ecological sprinklers for you?”

“And thank you for that!”

It wasn't long before Shiro returned with a wide, goofy smile on his face. Keith was enjoying his happiness. He never wanted to see his friend sad again. Curtis was following her husband, holding a bundle to his chest.

“Curtis!” Hunk shouted. "Shiro made a big secret of where you are, and meanwhile you were in the same house all the time."

The man smiled gently. He has only met the former paladins a few times so far, but Shiro had to tell him a lot about them and their adventures in space.

"I know, excuse me, I tried to convince Shiro that it would be a better idea to tell you from the start, but you know what he is." He sighed with amusement and stood next to her husband's chair.

“What's in there?” Lance asked a question that rattled everyone's minds.

He got up and walked over to Curtis, the man letting him lean over him and examine what he was holding in his arms. Which, Keith realized, had a familiar shape...

“Is that a baby ?!” Lance almost shouted. “The real one?”

Now they were all standing around Curtis and Shiro, watching the several-month-old baby sleep soundly wrapped in a scarf. Their cheeks were flushed and fat fingers clenched into fists. The dark hairs on their head were ruffled.

Keith stared dumbfounded at the fragile little man while the rest demanded an explanation.

“Is that your baby?” Pidge asked.

“Where did you get them?” Hunk wanted to know.

“How old is this cute little fella?”

“Did you vaccinate them?”

“What is their name?”

“It's a boy, isn't it? What a handsome boy!” Lance marvelled. “Handsome after Uncle Lance.”

Curtis for a moment didn’t know what to do, he panicked, his husband put a hand on his shoulder. Shiro looked at his family, new and old, with joy.

"Take it easy," Shiro said. "And don't yell like that, or you'll wake him up."

"How can you pop out with something like this and expect us to restrain ourselves?” Lance said indignantly. “It's the sweetest baby I've ever seen. A small, chubby cherub. I can?”

Curtis carefully handed the baby over to Lance, who gently picked the baby up in his arms as if he had done it many times before. Which was very possible, Keith realized. He watched in delight as Lance held the baby in his arms and looked at it with tenderness and concern, although he had only just learned of its existence.

"Hi, little one," Lance cooed to the baby. “From today, I'm your favourite uncle.”

Keith didn't think the sight of a little man could move him, and yet it did. He knew he’ll remember this image for years.

"This is Ian, our son," Shiro said proudly, his eyes slightly moist. “We adopted him some time ago, he's seven months old and looking after him is more demanding than I thought.”

"Because you've only taken care of big kids until now," Curtis replied, and kissed his husband on the cheek.

“Lance, are you crying?” Pidge asked.

The boy sniffed, his arms unmoving so as not to wake Ian.

"No, no, my eyes were sweating from that touching family portrait."

"Well, I’m crying," admitted Hunk.

Lance handed Ian to Curtis without ever showing any impatience or uncertainty. The child opened his eyes and let out a sigh rather than a yawn, and fell back asleep in his father's arms. Shiro stroked his son's hair and now even Hunk and Pidge made sobbing sounds.

"He's lucky he got to you," Keith said, not sure if he should show boundless admiration like the others or do something else.

He smiled, however, because Shiro's happiness had always pleased him, and the news that an orphaned child had landed with a loving family always made his heart tighten. Shiro had been a father to him before, to an orphan left on his own, in whom no one believed. And Shiro proved himself excellently in the parental role.

"He couldn't have better fathers," Keith added.

Lance tapped him on the shoulder. Keith commanded himself to remain still, though in this joyful situation he wanted to make a bolder move.

“Our Keith has a sensitive side, good to know.”

Lance winked at him, and Keith's heart almost stopped. He smirked, the way he did all those days he missed Lance but couldn't show it to him.

“You clearly underestimate me.”

For a moment, everyone raved about Ian again, until Shiro finally persuaded Curtis to take a seat next to him and gestured for the rest to sit down. He reached for the corkscrew and wine.

“Okay, kids, to the table, before the food gets cold.”

Chapter Text

The food was brilliant. Keith put on his plate a bit of everything but quickly had to reach for more. Lance and Pidge ate the chicken, Hunk inquired about the stew recipe. Curtis calmly dictated the ingredients list while hugging his son and eating. Apparently being a parent required the ability to do many things at once. Or an extra pair of hands.

"Where did the Garrison actually get this island from?" Pidge asked. Like the others, she was given a glass of wine, although she was too young by law to drink.

Keith drank some of his own wine, the tart taste on his tongue in no way matched his surprisingly upbeat mood. He was terribly stressed about this visit, but so far everything was going smoothly. It was nice, he saw Shiro's happiness and couldn't help but enjoy it. However, the sight of his brother, almost a father, with another family was like a tiny pin stuck in his heart.

He saw what he may never taste again because he did not expect to ever fall out of love. His gaze landed on Lance, still not dressed in anything but swimming trunks, for the first time in months at arm's length.

He drank a few more sips of wine and poured more, distracting himself from his thoughts.

"They used it a few years ago to test some new weapons," Shiro was saying at the time. ”Some kind of bomb. They never used it, but they own several islands in the Atlantic and Pacific so that they can safely test things like that. It's top-secret, so just say a word to someone and I'll tear your head off.”

"And they gave you one of the islands of Paradise and retired as a thank you for saving the universe?" Lance seemed immensely enjoying the company. It was hard to look away from him. “Cool!”

“How's your family, Pidge?” Shiro asked.

Pidge began to talk about all the highlights of the past few weeks, talked about what she is working on with Matt now and about her father's ideas. She also has complained about her mother a lot. Then Curtis started asking Hunk about his business and anecdotes about the alien diet. Keith listened with one ear, he already knew it all. He only focused on the here and now when Lance was asked about the farm and spoke of his family and farm with a sparkle in his eye. There was bitterness beneath Keith’s superficial satisfaction. Slight, insignificant, but still present.

“How are you, Keith?” Lance asked at one point.

"Boredom has become a major part of my life," he replied quickly and expressionlessly. He was good at pretending he didn't feel what he felt and that he didn't think what he thought, or at least with Lance it worked. Pidge gave him a defiant look, but Keith ignored her. “But good boredom, I can finally rest and enjoy the Earth.”

Lie, lie, lie and fake smile. Even so, saying dishonest words was easier than sharing the truth that he had no idea what to do with himself next. How to cope in a world where he doesn't have to fight at school or not be alone or as part of a larger team.

It was as if when he got back he was trying to put on his old clothes that were left on Earth, but they hadn't grown when he was gone, and now he couldn't put on the T-shirt over his head.

Pidge, disgusted by his cowardice, asked him a few more questions about Krolia, Kolivan, and the Galra affairs, but he answered evasively. Shiro frowned at him, but perhaps he meant the amount of wine Keith had poured into himself. The third bottle has already appeared on the table.

With each sip, it was a little easier for him, and the worries were gone. He had never had a strong head so he could already feel his tongue go numb.

The rest of the dinner passed peacefully, Curtis at one point had to take Ian to the beach because the toddler started to cry. The sun was heading west and they had a perfect view of it.

"I'm full," Lance sighed and patted his muscular belly. Keith almost unconsciously followed his hand and allowed himself a few seconds of admiration. That was the most he could do for himself. “It was delicious.”

"All thanks are to Curtis," Shiro said. “Would you like a volleyball match?”

"Why not," Pidge agreed and looked at the others.

"I'll pass, I need to change," Lance said, and got up from the table.

"And I'd love to play," Keith said, just to focus on something else.

Lance took a few minutes to decide what to wear. Certainly, shorts, because it was still warm and some T-shirt. Maybe top? Finally, he grabbed his best short-sleeved shirt and pulled it on. He was nervous but he shouldn't be. It's probably because of meeting everyone and dealing with Ian. Lance was so happy, but also fully aware that it was going to be over soon.

That it won't last forever.

He didn't want to admit to himself that it took him so long to choose his outfit, also because he wanted to do well in front of his friends. Especially in front of Keith, whose respect was hard to win. Lance was sure he had made it a few years ago, but he still felt an inner urge to try harder. That was probably a habit that was leftover from their competitiveness.

As he left the room, his eyes fell on the juniberry flowers he had brought. He hasn't had a chance to hand them out yet, but he promised himself to do it in the morning.

The familiar sight of them reminded him of everything he had gone through, about the war, about loss. About Allura.

He returned to the terrace, despondent, picked up a glass of wine and stood at the railing. He hated wine, but the sour taste was soothing tonight.

He glanced at his friends bouncing the ball. They had no net, but they had drawn a line on the sand, and that was clear enough for them. Pidge had the most trouble hitting the ball, she was short and petite. She paired up with Shiro, who made them win with his reflexes. Hunk was doing well, but Keith played the best of them.

He moved quickly and confidently, which surprised Lance, because of the amount of wine Keith poured into himself. But he kept himself straight as if the alcohol had no effect on him. He seemed calm and happy at dinner, but Lance knew how to see through the mask. He wore it himself. Something was bothering Keith, as was Lance. As if part of him was absent.

Lance watched him with concern. Keith was always a good friend to him, he comforted him, he was with him when Lance needed it most. He wanted to repay the same. Knowing Keith was suffering in some way hurt Lance too.

Lance couldn't help but pay attention to Keith's silhouette. Once upon a time, the boy had a decidedly more feminine build, delicate beauty and long dark eyelashes that mesmerized Lance. The latter two features still remained with him, but his silhouette took on edges and muscles. It was something new and surprising, Lance didn't know exactly why he thought it was important. Muscular arms and legs made him look really good.

For a guy.

At one point, Shiro ordered a hiatus from the game and headed towards the terrace while the others gathered around Curtis and Ian and admired the baby as he held out his plump fists towards the sky.

Lance lost track of time, forgot to count the points. The sun was almost down, and the bitter taste on his tongue reminded him of the glass of wine in his hand. The knuckles on the glass were whitened, good that the glass had not broken.

"You seem sad," Shiro remarked as he walked over to Lance.

He leaned on the balustrade next to him and gazed carefully at the boy. Shiro seemed concerned.

"I'm fine," Lance replied calmly. Questions from Veronica about his well-being only annoyed him, she sounded nosy and absolutely needed to know everything about her brother's life, while Shiro was really worried. Lance couldn't help but treat him like an older brother, and his attention always flattered him. “You should keep coming back to them if you still want to play. The sun is about to go down.”

Shiro didn't move, just continued to watch him closely. Exotic birds sang, and Pidge and Hunk raved about Ian.

"You're rarely sad," Shiro said, Lance did not look at his friend. "Pidge said you weren't doing well. Are you depressed?”

“I do not know.”

It was true. He had no idea if his stuck state could be called depression. He was sad and nervous, tired and irritable, but at the same time enjoyed returning to Earth, returning to Varadero, and being with his family. Still, he felt as if he was in a state between what was and what could have come. He just didn't know how to take this step that would help him move on. How to move forward.

Shiro waited patiently for Lance to say more.

"It's just…" Finding the right words was a lot more difficult than he thought. “You all manage somehow; you have a family, Pidge is an engineer, Hunk has his own business, and Keith has just returned from outer space. And I sit on my ass and do nothing and don't know how to go on with my life. Don't get me wrong, I love my farm and family, only… I don't know how to forget Allura.”

All the time he was staring at the glass of wine, at the dark liquid reflecting the light of the setting sun. He knew that Allura would not like him to spend his whole life alone, but he did not know how to make use of that knowledge.

He waited for judgment. He waited for a clue.

Shiro sighed long but not impatiently. He put a hand on Lance's shoulder, forcing him to meet his eyes.

"Nobody's making you forget Allura," he said softly. “We all loved her and she was important to us. It is also a great loss for us.”

His voice was so calm and so compassionate that almost every word was like a little knife stuck into Lance's heart.

“How can I be happy remembering everything I have lost?” he asked in a dangerously tearful tone.

Shiro shifted his gaze to his husband, son and friends playing on the beach.

“You'll never forget that pain. It will always be with you and will always remind you of how much happiness is missing from your life. It will shape you, teach you and become part of you.” He spoke more and more quietly as if remembering all the bitter moments. “Lance, listen. When I lost Adam, I thought I would never be happy again. That I would not have a family other than the one we created while fighting Galra. How could I ever love someone else? I couldn't believe it. But then I met Curtis. In the beginning, we didn't talk much to each other, we were the supervisor and the subordinate. Then we went out for coffee after work, and we started getting to know each other. We treated ourselves like friends, talked a lot, spent more and more time together, and before I knew it, Curtis was my whole world. As he entered the room, my attention immediately focused on him. His voice was always the clearest one. No matter how badly I felt, his presence always made me happy. I loved him for a long time before I realized it.”

Lance had never heard this story. He knew Shiro and Curtis had worked together on Atlas and had known each other for a long time, but he never thought about his friend's feelings. He did not think about what he must have gone through after losing Adam.

Shiro's eyes grew colder.

“And then there was an accident. It wasn't a big deal, just a slight concussion. We've all gone through much worse things. But when I realized that I could lose him too, just like I had lost Adam, something broke inside me. I think I was crying half the night in the hospital and I was furious with myself, finally realizing that I love Curtis and I want to be with him. As soon as he woke up, I told him about my feelings and then we started dating.”

"I didn't know," Lance said softly.

“I didn't tell anyone about this.” Shiro looked at his friends on the beach again, his eyes glowing this time. "I mean, life really goes on, Lance. We won't take back what was, we can't stop time. We must go on. Happiness often can be found in surprising places.”

Keith saw them in the dim light and waved his hand. Lance raised his in response. Pidge lunged herself at Keith. The boy grabbed her waist and ran to toss her into the ocean. Loud curses mingled with even louder laughter.

"I found mine in Curtis and Ian, and I'm never going to let it go again. I did not forget about Adam, about that love, but I let it go. Feelings, relationships pass. The pain passes, and so does happiness. So we have to seize what is good while we have time. Each of us deserves love, respect, family and friends. Everyone.”

Lance's eyes stung, he could feel hot tears welling up. He put his glass down on the railing, his hands shaking too much to hold it.

"I'm just afraid," he confessed weakly. “That I will lose someone again, that I will suffer again.”

“Then be afraid and be happy. So that you could tell yourself in your darkest hour that it was worth it.”

Lance's arms shook as Shiro wrapped him in a brotherly hug and whispered in his ear:

“We will suffer forever, Lance. But it is only up to us whether we allow the love of other people to enrich our lives. Do we allow ourselves to love others. The greater the suffering, the greater the joy that precedes it.”

Shiro's words let the warmth deep inside Lance’s heart cool down, eventually creating a whole new shape. His hands tightened on Shiro's T-shirt and he allowed himself one short, spasmodic sob. Then he stepped back and squeezed his friend's arm.

“Thank you.”

He felt the weight leave his chest and took a deep breath.

Shiro smiled in response and pulled Lance over to the beach. Pidge, all wet, was just chasing Keith with a clear desire to murder him. Curtis danced with Ian in his arms, Hunk watched the waves and the last rays of the sun on the water.

Lance's eyes were dry before the cool sand touched his feet before Pidge crashed into him and called out “Tag, you're 'it'!” And before Shiro kissed Curtis. Before Keith smiled at him.

So be afraid and be happy.

The disaster began when Keith drank one too many glasses.

He was never an enthusiastic drinker, had only tried it a few times in his life - right after being kicked out of the Garrison and after recently returning to Earth. The wine always felt too sour and heavy to him, but the beer was pissy. He associated vodka with a remedy for stomach aches.

He had drunk much more wine than he wanted throughout the evening and quickly lost track of it. His glass seemed to be filling by itself, and he finished it all out of habit. He was surprised at how easily the wine got into him after a hearty dinner. He quickly got used to its taste, even liked it. At one point he spoke to Shiro and felt his tongue become stiff. He masked it under a calm smile so that no one would know what condition he was in. The world around seemed less clear, it was no longer so loud and it was not so offensive with colours. Keith felt as if there was a peculiar barrier between him and his skin, the stimuli from outside reaching him muffled.

He couldn't quite think clearly, he had such a light head.

He liked it.

All evening his thoughts were on Lance. His presence overshadowed the happiness of Shiro and Curtis, being with friends. Keith only saw the other boy, his mind invoking a promise to tell him about his feelings every now and then. Keith was sick of it, he needed peace in his own head just for a moment. The thoughts were like a flock of bees buzzing incessantly. He had to get away from them.

And the wine could help him with that.

After dinner and a volleyball game, with the others back at the table, Keith excused himself exhaustedly. Instead of going into his room, he sneaked into the kitchen. He found a wine grate in a niche under one of the cabinets. He hesitated for only a brief moment. He picked up one of the bottles and a corkscrew and went out through the back door to the air.

Lance stood ankle-deep in the water until the complete darkness fell. From here he could see the stars perfectly, arranged in well-known constellations and patterns. Now they did not seem so distant and mysterious to him, he had wandered further than their light reached.

When he was a child, he was fascinated and terrified by the cosmos. Then he learned that it is not the universe itself that should be feared, but the creatures that inhabited it. However, he still yearned for weightlessness, for discovering new worlds. He guessed it was this aspect that interested him the most - not fighting or flying but getting to know the unknown. Reaching where humans have never stood before.

He listened to the dark ocean until he felt tired. He walked over to the terrace, where his friends were still drinking wine and laughing at some joke Hunk had told. Surprisingly, the sight no longer evoked that little bit of bitterness and sadness in Lance. It was as if talking to Shiro allowed the healing of wounds to begin.

Keith was strangely moody that day, Lance could see it despite the smile his friend wore as he played volleyball and chatted earlier at dinner. It was as if Keith's body was now inhabited by another human, similar in character but much sadder and more tired. He disappeared somewhere after the game on the beach, probably went to sleep.

Lance kind of understood it, those insincere smiles - pretending so just not to worry others.

Did his friends also see him that way? Did they know perfectly well about the void inside him that was just beginning to heal?

Lance didn't feel like sitting with the rest anymore, he needed a moment of peace and quiet to think about certain things. Talking to Shiro helped him, but also raised many questions that he had to answer honestly.

He walked around the house, stumbling over stones and twigs, and headed towards the backdoor, or rather the main, entrance to the house. Then he noticed a figure leaning against the facade near the door. The sky was cloudless and the moon was shining brightly. Lance knew immediately who he was seeing.

“What are you doing here?” he asked Keith.

The boy looked up at him, blinking sluggishly. Lance knew immediately that something was wrong.

"Nothing," Keith said in a way that made it clear that he was not completely in control of his tongue. There was something familiar about his tone.

“What do you have there?”

Keith's eyes were shifting, a blank expression on his face. As if he were miles away, as he was looking at something completely different.

And then Lance saw a bottle in his hand and immediately knew. He was almost the youngest of his siblings, so many times he saw his brothers and sisters returning drunk from parties. It had happened to him several times. Keith was in the same or worse condition.

He never thought Keith was one of the people who could get drunk. He thought he was too disciplined for that. And that his head would last longer.

"Dude, you're drunk," Lance said with muffled amusement.

On the one hand, it was a bit funny, but on the other, it was disturbing. Lance always admired Keith for how he dealt with problems. Meanwhile, he had witnessed his friend crumble.

“No, ‘m not.”

Lance sat down next to him and unravelled the bottle from his skinny fingers, then put it out of Keith's reach. The boy was staring at him intensely, Lance didn't even release he took Keith’s fingers and that he was rubbing them between his hands. They were cold, even though it was also hot at night. He didn't know why he was doing it, but his instincts told him to do so.

“Why are you drunk?” he asked.

It might not be a brilliant question to ask a visibly drunk person, but Lance was a simple boy and he wanted a simple answer.

In life, however, usually simple answers were not enough.

Suddenly Keith's gaze grew sterner, though it was still hazy. He wasn't actually looking directly at Lance, rather right next to him, as if he had trouble locating his face in the dark.

“As if you don't know, Pidge” Keith he mumbled indistinctly.

Lance was speechless in surprise. So Keith thought he was Pidge. His eyes were slightly teary, and they were sitting in the dark, though that didn't quite explain how Keith would mistake Lance for Pidge.

It was... quite funny tho. A bit embarrassing and funny in a somewhat not entirely correct way. Like recording videos of Louis getting drunk and showing them to his wife years later. Lance smiled to himself and decided to wade into it. He would tell Keith about everything in the morning anyway, and maybe he would tell him why he's been so sad lately. And they'll probably laugh at it, Keith has always complained about getting drunk in movies and books.

“What's in your soul?” Lance asked, trying to sound like Pidge.

Keith hiccupped and sighed. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head against them.

"I can't, I can't do it," he muttered. “I can't, Pidge. It’s to muuuuuch…”

Lance patted him on the shoulder, not understanding a word of this gibberish. Keith leaned against him almost unconsciously, still pressing his forehead to his knees.

"Keith…" Lance began.

“You smell a bit like Lance. That damned Lance,” Keith groaned.

Lance froze, curious and nervous. What was Keith trying to say about him? Has he done something wrong again? They were buddies, they had been through a lot together. After all this, dude was going to be picking on him again?

He hadn't really bothered what Keith was saying before, but now he needed to know. Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to fall asleep, he'd wonder what was going on all night.

“What's with him?”

Keith sat quietly for a moment until Lance finally thought the boy was asleep. But just then Keith exploded.

"Bloody stupid Lance and his goddamn ass! I was gonna tell him, Pidge, but I chickened out! I saw him, and he is fucking hot, and I just stopped thinking. He was going shirtless! Who gave him the right to do so anyway? I mean, why do I like it? From the beginning, he was an idiot who didn't notice any signs. I should have hit him in that beautiful face long ago!”

Keith spoke furiously, making the mumbling words blend together. Lance listened without moving, trying to organize it in his head.

“I think about him all the time. About that stupid laugh, about how he moves his hips when he goes, about how much I want to touch him” he moaned. “And how I want him to smile at me, not at you or anyone else. I waaant his attention.”

Lance was stunned. His face burned, he was not used to hearing things like that about himself. He didn't know if Keith was making a fool of him or just trying to compliment him in his own messed up way.

Keith had a crush on him, he just admitted that. And also he was drunk, and everyone knew drunk people didn't lie.

Lance swallowed hard.

Okay, this has gone too far. It wasn't innocent, Keith had just revealed a great secret without being aware of it, and Lance felt guilty. Most of all, however, he was confused. He had so many questions. Keith… likes him? His homie? Comrade in arms and friend? And what f rom the beginning meant, since when? Since saving Shiro? Since getting to the Castle of Lions? From the Garrison?

Has Lance noticed any signals? He had no idea.

Keith has always been by his side and has been a pillar of his life for many years. It was as if there was a Keith-shaped hole in Lance's world. But it was the same with the rest of the team, he didn't know how he could live in a world without them.

It had never crossed his mind before that Keith might like him that way. Sure, Lance admired him, and sometimes he couldn't take his eyes off his friend's face or body, but that's because he liked looking at pretty people. And Keith was definitely pretty. After all, they all behaved like that too attractive people, right?

He swallowed, feeling very clearly wherever Keith was leaning against him. He was still mumbling something into his lap, but so soft and indistinct it was impossible to understand. Lance decided he wouldn't think about it now, he had to get Keith out of here.

He poured the rest of the wine into the grass and stood up. He had weak knees, that strange nervousness never left his body. His face burned and his stomach felt uncomfortable.

Later, he thought, later.

"Keith, get up," he said, hesitantly touching his friend's shoulder.

Keith was trembling at his touch, and Lance realized after a few seconds that the boy was crying. The strange situation grew even more embarrassing.

Hope he doesn't remember it exactly , flashed through Lance’s mind.

“Keith, what's up?” he asked, terrified by the sadness of his friend.

Almost unconsciously, he stroked the shaking arm. Keith looked up, and in the dim moonlight, Lance could see his eyes shining with tears and a smudge of snot running down his nose.

"Pidge…" Keith moaned, "I love hiiim. And he doesn't know about it.”

Lance took a deep breath to control his raging mind. The sight of Keith breaking down broke his heart.

"Maybe you should tell him that," he suggested softly, having no idea how to get out of the situation.

“I'm too much of a coward.”

“Then write him a letter.” Lance was impatient, he couldn't listen to it anymore.

It was so… weird. Intimate. Private. It wasn't meant for him. He had remorse.

“Yeeeeah.”

Lance grabbed Keith at the waist and tried to lift him, the boy was heavy, drunk and uncooperative. It didn't help that now Lance knew about his feelings and he couldn't help but think about the fact that he was touching Keith’s waist and back, the shape and muscularity of which he had always liked.

“Get up!”

Keith reluctantly got to his feet and lost his balance immediately. Lance pulled him close and pulled him a little too brutally towards the house. He left the bottle in front of the house. He almost carried Keith inside in his arms.

"Pidge..." Keith muttered.

Lance pursed his lips, kicked Keith's door open, put him on the bed and ran for Shiro despite the boy's protests.

All the time he kept telling himself not to think about it.

Lance couldn't stop thinking about it.

Keith's words struck him again and again with new force, drawing him into a whirlwind of thoughts and conjectures. He was lying in a dark room, he could hear the ocean from outside, but all he thought was Keith.

His smile, touch, voice. He thought about all their shared moments, tried to spot signs where he had not seen them before.

He wasn't stupid, now he knew they existed.

He felt guilty that it had taken him so long to get it.

Keith was never very good at showing emotions, and if he did, it was shown in a very different way than most people Lance knew. Keith was rude at times but always supported Lance. He listened to him, comforted him, defended his back. After he left for the Blade, Lance missed him unspeakably and was angry at Keith for leaving the team, for abandoning him. But any friend would be angry about something like that.

Keith... loved him. And he showed it to him in his own strange way.

And Lance loved Keith, but only as a friend. Right? They were close, sure, but their friendship was rare, one in a million. They saved each other, fought together, were inseparable for a long time. It is impossible to get close to someone that way and not love him. But from Lance's side it was a platonic feeling, nothing more, wasn't it? He could do anything for Keith, jump into the fire, get neutered, shave bald - but that's what buddies were willing to do for one another. Homies. Brethren.

There was no way Lance would love him that way.

It was agape , not eros , wasn't it?

Unconditional love for the world at large. To his fellow men.

Besides, Lance liked girls, even if they didn't like him sometimes. Somehow, he was flattered that Keith found him worthy of attention, that he was interested in him, but only because Lance had the biggest ego in the world. Not at all because he liked the idea of being wanted by other boys. No, nope, just not.

Colleagues.

Keith.

Lance was straight.

Yes, definitely.

Right?

Right?!

He groaned and covered his head with the pillow, unable to bear the chaos in his head, all the thoughts. He wasn't sure who he was anymore, and that worried him. He was fidgeting erratically, looking for some answer.

He squeezed his eyes shut and repeated in his mind:

Don't think about it, don't think about it. Don't even try to come to some strange conclusions. Shut up, shut up. I don't have the strength for that anymore, not now.

He couldn't help but hear Keith's voice saying that he loved him.

Chapter Text

The world was too loud, too bright, and too solid under Keith's hand. The headache burst through his skull, even though he hadn't opened his eyes. He could hear the excruciatingly loud tropical birds singing, and the stuffy air made him sweat as he slept. There was a terrible musty taste of alcohol in his mouth. The thin blanket he had thrown on in the evening scratched his bare legs.

It took him a few long moments to remember that he was on the island of Shiro and Curtis. But he did not know how exactly he got into this room, this bed, in this terrible condition.

He remembered having dinner and playing on the beach, and a few later moments with his friends. He remembered Lance and how he couldn't bear to see him, not as he was in such a terrible state. He remembered taking a bottle and wine and hiding behind the house. The rest was just a blur of colours, tastes and sounds.

He was talking to someone, he was sure of that. He had no idea what he was saying or to whom, but he had a feeling that he was making a fool of himself. He always looked askance at people behaving violently and ridiculously after drinking alcohol. Now he has become one of them.

He felt ashamed.

But the deepest embarrassment came from the fact that he was no longer able to hide his feelings. It has become too difficult, too complicated. Love, grief and sadness burst from the inside, he ceased to control it, he let his emotions pour out.

With a soft groan, he rose to his feet and grabbed his head. Pain pulsed steadily beneath his skull as if someone were hitting him with a hammer. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He was very sick, bile rose in his throat.

He's never had a hangover before. Should it be like this?

Sweet Jesus, how much did he drink yesterday?

He was about to get up when the door to his room swung open and Lance stood in it. Keith thought for a moment it was a dream, that he was still dreaming, but Lance moved and said:

“Hey, man, I have water for you”.

He was dressed in a typical holiday set consisting of a top, shorts and flip-flops. Keith was horrified to realize that he was still wearing yesterday's sweat-soaked clothes, must have smelled and looked pitiful.

Lance watched him with consternation written all over his face, probably wondering about his colleague's poor condition.

"Thanks," croaked Keith. He somehow managed to sit up, but bile rose again in his throat.

Lance grimaced and handed him a glass of water. The cool surface felt uncomfortably cold in Keith's numb fingers.

“Man, how much did you drink yesterday?”

Lance watched Keith take several small, careful sips to moisten his throat. So Lance knows, he thought.

"I don't remember," he replied calmly, though each word made his headache. "I guess you all think I'm a drunk now," he tried to joke.

Lance's eyes were serious, and not a single muscle twitched on the face of the paladin who used to throw jokes.

“Only I, Shiro and Curtis know you have a hangover. Pidge and Hunk think you got the flu.”

So the two most important people in Keith's life knew what a pathetic and hopeless state he was in. He very much wanted to cover his eyes with his hands, the brightness in the room hurt him. But he didn't want Lance to think he was weak. Besides, he didn't have the strength to raise his hands.

“Why did you do that?”

Keith was silent for a few moments. He couldn't have told Lance the truth. In the end, he decided on a half-truth.

“It's hard for me, I can't get used to life on Earth again.”

“But you left the Blade. You didn't want to be there either, did you?”

Keith nodded, which was a mistake. The headache attacked with redoubled force. He didn't trust his voice, though, not when Lance seemed to read his mind.

"I don't think there is room for me among humans or aliens," he muttered. This was a thought that had kept him awake at night in the last few days, though he refused to admit it even to himself.

Lance sighed loudly and sat down next to him. Keith wanted to move closer and step aside at the same time.

"I think I know what it is," Lance sighed. "I know it doesn't compare to being half-alien, but since I got Altean signs, people have looked at me weird. To family and friends, I am the same Lance I’ve always been, but strangers sometimes mistake me for an Altean. Some are friendly, they like the direction in which the world is going. Others don't. They are sometimes aggressive. And I know that this is not the norm, but nevertheless, I stopped leaving the house as eagerly as I used to.”

Keith listened to Lance with surprise. He never wondered how getting the marks affected him. How much has changed in him. Keith did not think Lance, who was Latin after all, had never faced racism and discrimination but had never heard of Earthlings showing it to other races.

He was surprised. And unspeakably angry.

"You can't see my otherness," he muttered. “At least not at first glance.”

That wasn’t true. It always seemed to him that people could read him without a problem. It stressed him and made him never comfortable with new people, unable to build strong bonds with them. The feeling of separateness was heightened when he realized, as he was growing up, that he was not heteronormative and that he would definitely prefer men.

His Galran mark resembled a scar, and that was what most people probably took it for. Only Keith's closest knew what it meant. Both he and Lance were, in some way, marked by strangeness.

We fit together in that, a bitter thought seized Keith's mind.

Lance regarded Keith in a mysterious way for a moment.

“Are you sure that's the only reason?” he asked sheepishly.

Keith had no memory of the night before, had a hangover and was incredibly tired, but still, the uncertainty in Lance's voice made him think. Only now did he notice how tense his friend was, how strangely he was glancing at him. As if he was looking for something in his face, in the body posture.

He realized with horror what that might mean.

“Lance, who found me drunk yesterday?”

“I.”

Oh no, oh no, no, no… He swallowed. If he was right ... he couldn't be right, it was ridiculous that ...

He forced himself to meet Lance's confused eyes.

“Did I say something weird?”

Lance looked away and swallowed. Keith panicked with concern.

“Lance?”

Lance had to tell him, no doubt he had to. It had to be done, no matter how he felt about knowing Keith's feelings. It wasn't about him.

If he were Keith, he would like to know that when he was drunk, he confessed to deeply hidden feelings.

Yes, he has to tell him.

He will do it. Right now.

Just at this moment.

But why was he so scared?

He took a deep breath and on one exhalation said:

“Yesterday you accidentally said that you’re in love with me.”

It had happened, he said it, and the world was still there. Nothing has changed, the reality has not been destroyed. Everything was fine.

“I what?” Keith stammered out.

His face was pale and blank as if his mind couldn't understand the weight of what he had just heard. He looked at Lance in a painful, almost resentful way. It was as if Lance had peeled the skin off him and peered inside without permission to investigate the innermost desires of his friend's heart.

The void in his gaze had been replaced by fear, and Lance under Keith’s gaze felt dirty. He was guilty.

He jumped up from his seat. It was a mistake to come here, especially since he still didn't understand his own feelings, didn't know what to do with the knowledge that one of his best friends loved him.

In a way, he thought he could not reciprocate.

He was as terrified as Keith.

"I just wanted you to know I know," he said. "I… will go now."

He turned and ran away like the coward he was. He could hear Keith getting out of bed and saying his name. He felt Keith’s fingers brush his forearm, but Lance didn't stop.

He ran out without looking back.

Keith couldn't sleep. He was lying in bed trying to rest but was unable to. He heard the voices of friends moving around the house, the rustle of leaves and birds singing outside the window. All this, while keeping him awake, was nothing compared to the thoughts pounding in his skull.

Yesterday you accidentally said you’re in love with me.

He repeated it in his mind over and over again, pounding the words, tasting them.

Lance's scared gaze was still in his eyes, his arms tense, his lips tight. As if knowing about Keith's feelings was terrible.

Regret gripped his heart tightly. He wished he had followed his friend, told him that he wanted to confess it otherwise, that was not the way Lance should have found out about it. He had planned it for so long, he wanted to do it right. Meanwhile, he was drunk, screwed it and couldn't even remember it.

He scared Lance, destroyed their friendship.

Keith clenched his fists and shouted into the pillow. Hot tears stung his eyes, he squeezed his eyes shut to hold them back. A bitter lump grew in his heart, he could still see the expression on Lance's face under his eyelids.

Yesterday you accidentally said you’re in love with me.

Keith shouldn't feel so bad about it, right? He shouldn't despair, since he knew all along that Lance wasn't interested in him, not like that. He had prepared to hear these words a long time ago, or so he thought. He did not understand the pain and sorrow, not completely.

Anger surprised him. Burning, tightening the stomach and rising up the throat to the teeth. He didn't even know he was capable of such a terrible and overwhelming feeling. Despair, regret, and anger burned him from within.

He was furious at himself for being a coward, at Lance for not being able to stay and talk, at Shiro for going to this stupid island. At his mother, because she had left him and thus made one life always somewhat empty, even after she returned and chose the galaxy over him again. At his father for leaving him to an unknown future. For the Garrison, for the Red and the Black Lion, for Cosmo drooling on the blanket, for the Blade.

At the whole world.

“Everything's all right?” Hunk asked.

Lance smiled at his friend with his best and most lying of smiles.

“Yes.”

"You look like you're worried about something," said Hunk.

Lance sighed inwardly. He wanted to tell his friend what was bothering him, but at the same time, he didn't want to spoil his relationship with Keith anymore by spreading the boy's feelings to everyone around him. Even if they were their friends, he had no right to do so.

Lance didn't know how to act, half a day had passed since he run from Keith's room, and he still had no idea what to do with the situation.

He loved Hunk and trusted him, but he didn't trust himself. He decided that as soon as he understood what he was feeling and found a solution, he would tell his friend.

"My only concern is getting an even tan," he replied with a laugh and pointed to his body stretched out on a beach towel.

The sun was a bit warm at first, but the temperature quickly became unbearable, leaving Lance sweating. They were lying on the edge of the beach, next to the trees. Hunk and Pidge took refuge in their shadows and were busy reading some boring scientific nonsense, and Lance decided to step out into the sun and get a tan.

Despite fanning his face with his hat, he struggled to sit still.

"Probably all my sunscreen drained off me," he groaned.

"You'll burn yourself," said Pidge.

“You will reflect the light soon, you’re too pale.”

All three were wearing bathing suits, revealing large swaths of skin. There was no doubt that Lance was the only one to enjoy outdoor exercise. Pidge showed him the middle finger, and Hunk sighed at their verbal scuffle.

"Don't sigh," Pidge snorted irritably. “You avoid the sun yourself like a vampire.”

"But at least you can't see it on my skin," Hunk tried to defend himself.

“On him also not!” She sprinkled sand on Lance, to which the boy did not react.

He squeezed his eyes shut and covered his face with his hat so he didn't have to pretend to be relaxed.

Probably at some point, he managed to fall asleep, because the next thing he remembered was Shiro's voice, breaking him out of his lethargy.

"Lance, come help us set up the table!"

With a sigh, Lance got up, apologized to Pidge and Hunk, and headed for the terrace, trying to ignore the panic. He felt so lost in his own thoughts, he didn't know what to do.

Keith was talking to Shiro at the time, and he turned pale when he saw Lance. He tried to hide it behind the cold indifference and the grimace caused by the hangover slowly leaving him, but Lance could see through it. He couldn't blame him for that, for the quiet anger hidden in his sharp gaze.

Keith must hate him now. The only reason he did not pull away as Lance approached was because of Shiro's calmness. 

"Err," he cleared his throat embarrassed, unable to look in the eyes of either of them. “What am I supposed to do?”

Shiro pointed to the table and chairs, acting completely at ease as if he hadn't noticed the chill resonating between the two men.

“Can the two of you take this to the beach? I have to help Curtis, and the weather is way too nice to sit far from the ocean.”

"Dude, we're literally a few feet from the water, and it's still too far for you?" Lance said. That's what he's gotten into over the past months - pretending that he doesn't feel awkward or bad about a given situation.

"Hmm, I guess I'm used to seeing it," Shiro sighed. “Anyway, will you take this table?”

"Sure," Keith replied, a bit too urgently, although his head must have hurt. He was washed and looked much better, he was wearing flip flops and shorts. Lance could clearly see his abdominal muscles, curves.

Keith didn’t stare at Lance, gazed at the horizon as if he wanted to run as far as possible.

“Thanks.”

Shiro walked away, leaving them in heavy silence.

“Maybe, I… this one, take this part, and…. you… ”Lance muttered.

Keith grabbed the other side of the table without a word and lifted it up. Lance tried not to look at his body, especially the bare arms.

He had forgotten how strong Keith was during their time as Paladins. Now he was carrying the heavy piece of furniture almost on his own, not even once looking back at Lance, who was struggling to keep up. The table nearly slipped from his fingers a few times and flew up the stairs. He wanted to yell at Keith to slow down and come to his senses, but he couldn't get a word out. He was aware of his friend's anger, he did not want to fuel it.

When they finally reached the foot of the stairs in the sand, Lance was covered in sweat and his fingers were battered. He dropped the tabletop from his hand and rested it on his lap. Keith silently dragged the table where Shiro had indicated.

"Even you can handle the chairs," he said coolly and walked away towards the house.

The days that followed were even worse.

Every time Keith bumped into Lance, he felt hot and weak at the same time. He felt as if he was standing naked and exposed in front of him, and at the same time, his insides were torn by anger, which he had not felt for a long time.

It was irrational, because what could Lance do when Keith confessed his feelings while drunk? Part of Keith kept trying to figure out what this conversation might have been like. The other part was furious with the first for thinking about that moron at all.

He felt a bit used, he was supposed to say what he felt on his own terms, at the right time and definitely be aware of it.

He felt betrayed.

He felt bad.

But the worst part was that he felt hurt by the lack of response from Lance.

He knew it was screwed up, but he was angry that Lance didn't love him back. That he did not answer his words with the same confession.

This is screwed up , he thought. I am screwed up .

He had suffered quietly over his feelings for years, but for the first time, he understood what it meant to be heartbroken.

For the next few days, they tiptoed around each other. They tried to stay away from each other, but the house of paradise island wasn't that big, so they kept bumping into each other. It created a lot of awkward situations, but nothing was as terrible as pretending everything was okay in front of others.

One day Hunk pulled Keith out to swim in the ocean, though he was not a very good swimmer and was not very comfortable in the water. Nevertheless, he agreed. He needed relaxation.

He tried to swim slowly but was unable to calm down and was doing much worse than usual. Every now and then he disappeared under the water, and Hunk immediately pulled him to the surface.

"That's bullshit," he grunted the next time. His shoulders ached, he couldn't remember the last time he swam.

He was not afraid of the ocean, but the realization that the water might carry him away, that it was moving like a living thing, disturbed him a bit. Even so, he kept trying until he began to forget all his worries. Effort always helped him to forget. Instead of swimming, he tried to stay afloat as long as possible.

At one point, Pidge called Hunk, and Keith was left alone in the ocean. Just then, he lost his rhythm, and the current pulled his foot. He lost his balance, his head was below the surface. He tried to push off the bottom with his feet, but it suddenly disappeared. He panicked, began to flail his hands with the water that suddenly filled his mouth and poured into his lungs.

He couldn't see anything. He stopped thinking and panicked.

Someone grabbed his arm tightly and pulled him to the side. A surface opened above his head and he was hit hard in the back. He began to choke out water until he was able to breathe again.

His heart pounding wildly, he realized that he had almost drowned.

"Keith, what happened? How do you feel? Can you breathe? What are you doing alone in the ocean…"

Lance held him tight and pressed his body against him as he slowly swam towards the shore. Keith realized how far he had gone unnoticed.

"Thanks," he wheezed through a lump in his throat.

Lance didn't stop until their feet hit the bottom again, but he didn't release him, he didn't loosen his grip. It took Keith a moment to recover from his shock and realized that their naked chests were rubbing against each other, as were their legs. Lance still had his arm around his waist. They were so close Keith could count his eyelashes.

The water was up to their shoulders.

He was out of breath and didn't know why.

"Are you all right?" Lance asked. He brushed wet strands from Keith's face, his cheeks flushed with exertion, his lips slightly parted. "I have to take you to Shiro." 

"No."

Keith broke free from his grip, despite trembling knees, and stepped ashore. He immediately fell back onto the warm sand. Lance sat down next to him. He picked up a blue T-shirt from the ground and wiped his face with it. Only now Keith realised that the boy was wearing regular shorts, not swimming trunks.

"I'm fine," Keith said calmly. "Thanks for saving me." 

He closed his eyes, but he was sure Lance was watching him uncertainly. He must have waited tensely for some words, for a push which he clearly did not want but expected.

Keith didn't want to push him away, but at the same time, he didn't know how to live without doing it.

They sat for a while among the sounds of the ocean and their calming breaths. Finally, Lance got to his feet and as he walked away cowardly said:

"Don't go swimming alone in the ocean."

Regret tightened Keith's throat.

Lance couldn't look at Keith without that strange feeling in his belly, as if there had been a flock of flies feeding on some dead body. He suspected that the corpse was himself. Every time he was in the same room as Keith, he began to sweat, his heart pounding in his chest, and his hands and knees suddenly weakened.

He hadn't felt anything like this in a long time… since the days of Allura.

He was unable to meet Keith's eyes and knew Keith was angry with him for his cowardice. Lance was aware that they should talk, but he couldn't summon the courage to speak.

He was lost, he didn't know what he was feeling, and he had no idea how Keith's confession had affected him – for the fact that it had turned him into an even bigger bundle of nerves, he had no doubts.

They had many occasions to talk it over, to somehow clear the atmosphere. Shiro, as if seeing that something suddenly started to go wrong between them, ordered them to work together after dinner, put them on one team when they played volleyball. Lance regarded the latter as open torture. He couldn't look away from Keith, the dedication he had been trying to work with Lance, even though he couldn't look at him. How he enjoyed every point he scored.

If Lance were to point out any bright spot on these quiet days, it would be Keith's smile as Shiro patted him on the back after the game; every second of relaxation in his face.

Lance felt like shit, but Keith's sadness made him want to throw himself into the sea.

Even if the rest of them noticed that something strange was happening between these two, they did not show it. Only Pidge gave curious glances but said nothing.

He was sick of it, he couldn't cope anymore, and the silence was killing him. He had to complain to someone.

It was Veronica. He had never had a good conversation with his sister about heart problems – not that they had had many conversations like that – but he only trusted her about it. She might tease him at times, but she was always supportive of him.

Lance holed up on the beach after dark and dialled the number. It took her a few rings to pick up.

“What's up, hermano ?” she asked in a laughing voice.

In the background, he could hear the sounds of fun, some laughter and music. Lance's courage suddenly evaporated, but he wasn't going to back down.

“Hey, do you have a minute?”

He must have sounded serious and sad because Veronica did not challenge his request. She apologized to someone, and after a while, the background sounds stopped.

“Okay, I went outside. You good?”

Lance took a deep breath and told her the whole situation with Keith, confessed his feelings. He spoke in a whisper, sometimes his voice broke, sometimes he had to pause for a moment. Sister never interrupted him, every now and then muttering that she understood when Lance interrupted and encouraged him not to hurry.

He was grateful to her, tears stinging his eyes.

“What do I do, Rica?” he asked at the end.

His sister was silent for a long moment until Lance thought he was out of reach. But he didn't have the strength to pick up the phone and check it. A sudden dullness hit him.

"First you have to be honest with yourself and think about what changes for you," she replied calmly and tenderly. It was rare to hear her like this. “You also need to finally talk to Keith, even if it's hard. Do this when you feel ready and understand what you are feeling. Be honest with him.”

"Yes," Lance whispered. He laid on his back, he didn't care if the sand got into his clothes. “It is obvious. I don't know why I'm calling you when I know it all.”

He laughed nervously.

"Sometimes we have to hear such obvious things from someone we trust," she said quietly.

“Rica, are you okay?” Her tone alerted Lance.

The sister sighed into the receiver.

"Since I'm giving you such advice, I think I should follow them myself and... you know..." Veronica didn't talk about feelings often and it was difficult for her. That trait seemed to flow in the blood of the McClains.

“Tell Acxa what you feel?”

“Yeah.”

They were both silent for a moment, surprised at how similar each of them was. Lance stared at the stars, he couldn't look away from them.

“Okay, so maybe.” Veronica sounded serious and calm again. “I'll tell Acxa how I feel, and on the same day you’ll tell Keith?”

Lance wanted to hug his sister, he knew that she was doing it not only for herself but very much for him as well.

“A bold proposition. I'm in.”

He hoped the promise would give him courage.

The next day he got a text from Veronica: I told her. We're going on our first date tomorrow, I keep my fingers crossed for you ;* .

Lance bit his lip and closed his eyes.

So it's today , he thought. I'm not chickening today.

Chapter Text

The day of leaving the island was slowly but relentlessly approaching. On the one hand, Keith really didn't want to go back to his home, an empty shell that he couldn't fill with life. On the other hand, at home he felt safe and Lance was not there, the sight of which hurt him to the flesh.

He did not want to leave Shiro and his friends, but his nerves were so shattered that he was afraid that he might soon collapse in front of them. He had never thought a broken heart could hurt so much before. Every time Lance looked away, as he fled from the room at the mere sight of him, the world seemed to be holding its breath, air pressing against Keith from all sides. An invisible blow that twisted his insides.

At one point, he decided to keep away from the other boy from then on, even if avoiding confrontation was meant to make him spend less time with others. Though he managed to stalk safely in his room several times or wander with Kosmo into the woods, Shiro and Curtis, noticing his withdrawal, became more and more involved in finding him new tasks. Several of them forced him to interact with Lance.

Three days before the scheduled departure, Keith came down to dinner a little late, and slept through a few of Shiro's shouts as he called them to eat.

He went out with Kosmo to the terrace, where everyone had already sat down around the table, and only when he settled down in his own place did he realize what his friends were discussing.

"You only need to water the earth..." Lance's melodious voice rang in his ears.

A lovely juniberry flower was standing right next to Keith's plate, and the boy could swear he was looking at him reproachfully. At once, he saw the identical flowers growing on the idyllic Althea, the monument to Allura, her last words addressed to him - so sweet and at the same time leaving a sour taste in mouth - marks on Lance's cheeks.

He felt sick.

He rose, feeling all his emotions coalesce into a single stream of frustration and anger, accumulating in his stomach.

“Keith?” Shiro asked anxiously.

Everyone paused in their conversation to look at him. He couldn't look up to meet their worried faces.

"I have to go for a walk," he muttered.

“But…”

Not hearing what Shiro said, he ran out of the terrace and ran down the hall to the back exit. His pulse pounded in his ears. It wasn't until the forest closed behind him that he felt he could breathe again. The urge to scream rose in the lower throat. It took a moment for him to realize that he was running and crying.

He was angry, sad, scared and lonely. It disgusted him that he felt relieved involuntarily every time he thought about Allura and her sacrifice.

"You're fucked up selfish man," he gasped to himself in fury.

He ran until he was out of breath, and the path was no longer smooth. His eyes and legs burned, and his lungs cried out for air. He fell to a stone under a tree and wiped his face with his sleeve. He closed his eyes and listened to the crazy rhythm of his heart.

Lance felt terrible after Keith ran out. He sensed that he shouldn't bring flowers, but he didn't want to keep them on the windowsill all the time. The sight of them made him shudder, because of the inexplicable sense that he was missing something.

“Should we be worried?” Hunk asked as Keith disappeared inside the house.

"I don't think..." A loud slam of the door interrupted Shiro's words, the man pursed his lips in a worried grimace.

"I'll talk to him," Lance said.

Pidge gave him a strange look, but no one objected, so the boy quickly threw his jacket over his shoulders and ran after Keith.

He felt terrible, had no idea what he was doing, but he knew he no longer wanted to avoid Keith and hurt himself, hurt Keith. He had to fix it. Somehow.

He was a coward, he was afraid of his own heart.

It took a few minutes to catch up with Keith. The boy had run much farther into the forest than Lance had ever dared to leave Shiro's house, and now they were in a much denser part of the jungle. The evening light barely reached here, a dark tangle above them. Keith sat motionless on the rock, staring down at his feet.

Lance wanted to run away. He wanted to hug him.

"Hey," he said gently.

It took Keith a few seconds to look up at him.

"I want to be alone," he said with artificial composure. He got up and walked past Lance. “Do what you do best and leave me.”

Lance's mouth dropped open, the words hurting him more than he thought blow could hurt.

People hurt like they were hurt before, he thought. What did I do to you…

"You're angry with me," he realized with a bitter surprise.

“What did you expect?” Keith shouted. His face was twisted with rage, but his eyes gleamed with pain and hurt, the same kind that had been instilled in him as a child and that Lance had seen many times before. Way too many times. “You are the only one who didn't want to see me for the last three years, you didn't write to me, you didn't call me! You've been avoiding me! You talked with Hunk and Pidge, you never got interested in me. You disappeared and you dare to blame me now ?!”

"I wanted to talk to you, just..." Lance sounded pathetic, but how could he care about it right now. “Keith, I was scared.”

"That's no excuse," he growled.

"I know, I..." Lance trailed off as if he couldn't find the words. “I was lost. Keith... I feel so out of place, as if I have stumbled into a strange place. It's been three years and I still can't comprehend that I'm home, okay? All the time when we were gone the world has changed so much, I have changed and I don't feel like I belong here anymore! Sometimes I wake up at night and wonder what would happen if I never came home, if we stayed in space forever. And at the same time, I want it terribly, because it was the most important thing that happened to me in my life, but I miss home, Keith. For being in a real home. For being with all of you.” His voice was trembling, the words coming out of his own accord. “The kids grew up, my siblings started families, and I was away. I'm back and everyone is treating me differently as if I'm not me anymore. I was ripped out of my life, leaving an empty hole, and when I returned it turned out that its shape no longer fit me. I have changed and I cannot stand it. Can you understand that?”

Keith's eyes were dark and steadfast.

“I can. You don't even know how much.”

Lance felt his stomach turn upside down. Keith seemed more nervous now than before. He did not wait for his next words, turned and started walking in an undefined direction.

“Keith!” Lance ran after him as the plants grabbed his clothes. He stumbled over roots.

He couldn't lose a friend. He couldn't lose Keith.

“Keith, I'm sorry!” He shouted, his throat tight with fear. “I'm a retard, sorry. It's all because when I look at you, I remember her…”

Keith stopped abruptly and turned, anger and bitterness burning in his eyes. They sparkled as if he was about to cry.

"Sorry to remind you of your dead girlfriend," he spat.

Lance was frozen, he was sick.

“It's not like that!” The words burned his throat. "It's just... when I look at you, I remember all the best things that happened to us during these years of fighting Galra and I fucking miss this life!"

He tried to grab the boy's hand, but Keith - with sudden horror in his eyes - took a step back and fell down.

Lance grabbed Keith's hand at the last moment. Together they fell several meters, tropical vegetation caught their clothes. The landing was hard, it must have hurt Keith more, who immediately pulled away and threw off his friend.

They laid under a two-meter-high steep landslide that masked the brush from above.

“ Dios mío , are you okay?” Lance groaned.

In horror, he grabbed Keith by the shoulders, only to be brutally pushed aside as the boy abruptly stood up. Keith broke free from him, turned on his heel, and started walking into the thicket. His eyes gleamed suspiciously in the fading light.

Lance boiled over. He was sore and tired, it was getting really dark, he was scared, bitten by insects and his pride had been hurt.

“Yes, get away!” He yelled after him. “You're fucking good at this! There's nothing like turning your back on a problem and screwing it up when it gets tough!”

He didn't know where all this anger and bitterness had come from. It burned his throat and demanded his release, tears stung his eyes as he screamed at Keith's back.

“Leave us again, hide somewhere in the wilderness, as befits such an outsider. You think that makes you cool?! Are you wasting your life running away from problems and you have the nerve to be angry with me for it?!”

Keith stopped and turned, his shoulders taut and his face blank.

“You think you know something about a difficult life?” He growled. Lance hadn't seen him angry in years, and had forgotten how scary Keith could look. “You don't fucking know what it's like to be an orphan! What is it like to be lonely!”

“Then why don't you change it?!”

Keith caught up with him in two long strides and grabbed his jacket. Lance twitched in fear, but Keith made no more abrupt movement, only his fist clenched against the material.

"I was fucking doing everything I could to get you to look at me, but..." He grinned tightly, his teeth were clenched, his eyes red.

Lance swallowed.

“Why didn't you just tell me?”

Keith released him, took a step back. He snorted derisively.

“And what would that do? You flirt with everything that moves. Would I believe something would change? Let's be honest, you are you and I am… me.”

“And what does that mean?”

Keith's eyes darkened. Lance could almost see the anger crawling under his skin.

"You would never want to be with me," Keith replied, and started walking.

Lance was tired of this running away, he was tired of looking away, faking smiles. He was tired of bitterness and sadness and anger. He was sick of this islands, other Paladins, Keith.

He was fed up with himself and his own fear.

"Maybe you should have stopped being afraid and asked me!"

He started running after his friend.

“And what would I hear?!”

Lance grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

“That maybe I like you too, but I'm scared! That… that I missed you so much, but I'm afraid someone will break my heart again!”

He pushed Keith, and Keith fell with a loud groan. Lance pinned him to the ground, pressed him down with his weight. It was really dark now, but this was how closely he could see his face. He was out of breath.

“Stop running away from us. Stop pushing us away, you idiot. Be honest with yourself for once. Be honest with me”, Lance said in a slightly teary tone.

Keith pressed his lips together like an offended child.

“Get off me.”

“No.” Lance pressed his hands harder. He wasn't going to let go again, he was looking away for too long. "Not until you promise me that you will no longer act like a misfit brat who hurts others for no reason."

“For no reason!” Keith snorted, but without enthusiasm.

Lance looked deep into his eyes, then finally let out a painful groan from him.

“Okay, I promise to stop pushing you out.”

“And?”

Keith rolled his eyes.

“And that I'll be honest with myself.”

Lance stepped off Keith and lay down beside him.

“Great.”

The leaves of some tropical ferns tickled his calves, and he could see the darkening sky between the canopy of trees. Emotions were still buzzing in him. He realized with horror that they were lost.

“Man, how do we get home?” He asked irritated.

As if he hadn't heard a word, Keith said:

“Lance, I'm in love with you.”

He stared at the stars slowly emerging overhead and his face was serious, or so it seemed to Lance in the darkness. He said it with regret and sadness, as if he were talking about a terrible disease that would kill him.

Lance swallowed, heard what he wanted, but still didn't know what to do with it.

“Thank you for being honest, dude.”

"Don't you dare call me a dude," Keith grumbled, and slapped him on the shoulder.

“As you like, dove” Lance cooed for which he got hit again.

The atmosphere has dropped like the tension after a storm with only fresh moisture left in the air. Lance felt Keith would like to hear more, including some sincere confession - perhaps even some aftermath of an earlier declaration - but he was too confused to do so. He had to calm down his emotions first and analyze them one by one.

"But seriously, how are we going home?"

Keith stretched on the ground, his pants must have been incredibly dirty by now. It was humid in the bush, and every now and then a bug flew by his ear.

"I don't want to go anywhere," he said.

“You're kidding, right?” Lance asked incredulously.  “The bugs will eat us alive!”

His nervousness over such trivial matters always struck Keith charming.

"Maybe you, I'm too ugly for them to even consider touching me with a finger." He turned his back to Lance, slipped a hand under his cheek.

“So you're gonna sleep on the ground?”

“Yes.”

“Will you let me sleep on the ground?”

Keith turned with a lopsided smile, felt the warmth running through his veins again, felt alive again.

"You can always lie on me if you are not afraid," he murmured.

It was hard to see the blush on Lance's cheeks in the darkness, but thanks to the Galran genes, Keith made it.

“What should I be afraid of?” He asked weakly.

“Come and see for yourself.”

Keith raised his eyebrows significantly, and Lance slapped him on the head.

“Hey, I thought I was supposed to be the prudish one here!” He was indignant.

“If this is prudish, then I am the Mother of God!”

Keith laughed at the sight of Lance's indignant expression, who hated being flirted with in the same way that he was flirting with everyone else. That it was not someone else but Keith, who was amazed at his own composure. After shouting all these thoughts, showing his own heart, he finally had the strength to shed the burden of unspoken confession on his shoulders and be honest with the boy he loved.

It didn't heal his broken heart, but at least it gave him some respite.

"Go to sleep," he sighed. “We'll find a way in the morning.”

With a sigh, Lance lies back to him, muttering something in spanish under his breath. His voice was always softer, it had a completely different note. Keith could listen to him for hours. He remembered all the times he'd listened to Lance talking to others. He watched him shine brightly in the crowd and wondered if perhaps even someone like Lance could suffer from loneliness.

Now he knew the answer.

There were so many questions.

"You know, I've always envied you for that," Keith admitted sarcastically, which made Lance happy. He had always loved hearing the sarcasm in Keith's voice, it had always awakened him, pushed him to be bolder.

“You envied me?” He was surprised. “What?”

Keith's arms shuddered, as if he was somewhat amused at how lame Lance was.

“How easily you connect with others. How open and talkative you are. You don't care about the opinions of others, you don't look at them, you just do yours. It was always my Achilles heel” he sighed. “I never knew how to interact with others, I just didn't know how to behave or what to say. I had no one in my life except Shiro, and then you, Coran, and… Allura showed up in him.” He waited for Lance to react on the name of his former love, but the boy was stubbornly silent. “Even in the new, surreal situation, you behaved freely! I was jealous of that, which is why you were so terribly difficult to bear at first. I wanted to be like you. I knew that I would not be able to live up to you in that I would never have a cheerful personality to like me for. The team was just starting to get through and I knew I was going to be the biggest problem for all of you.”

"Keith," Lance whispered, an affectionate note in his voice.

Keith felt Lance pull away from him and twist, then felt a warm breath on the back of his neck. Shivers ran down his spine, he felt his heart beating faster. He couldn't remember the last times he and Lance had been so close, and he wasn't drunk at the same time.

"I didn't know," Lance said.

Keith took a deep breath and continued:

“But then we started being friends, even if it was not the easiest friendship. I'm just talking about you and me now.” The last words tasted bittersweet on the tongue. "When Shiro was gone, I was supposed to replace him as the pilot of the Black Lion... I felt so bad, I knew I couldn't make it, but then I was convinced by your words."

Lance was not moving, making no noise. If it weren't for the heat radiating from his body, Keith wouldn't know if the boy was still there. He wanted so much to look at his face, though he was afraid that then he would chicken out and fail to say what he intended.

“You've supported me so many times, and I have so seldom been able to repay me.”

Lance grabbed Keith’s elbow and wrapped his warm fingers around it.

“What are you talking about?” He asked confusedly. “You've supported me so many times that I can't even count it! Not only me, you were the backbone of the entire team.” When Keith didn't answer, Lance tugged at his elbow. "Keith, look at me," he asked softly.

Keith, look at me . Lance's voice and words made Keith willing to do whatever he asked.

He turned gently on the thin leaves, feeling cool anywhere that did not touch Lance's body. In the dark he could barely see the glow of the boy's eyes, but he looked deeply into them anyway. He couldn't read their expressions, he only saw that Lance was frowning.

“What are you telling me, Keith?”

Now his breath tickled Keith's cheek, which was incredibly distracting, and it took the boy a few seconds to remember that he had been asked a question.

"I guess I'm trying to thank you for everything you've done for me," he admitted softly so that Lance couldn't hear his voice tremble.

“You don't have to thank me, that's what friends are for. Also, at the beginning of our relationship, I acted like this because you just didn't show me interest, and I really wanted to get it. The easiest, and not the smartest way to do this was to compete with you. And pissing you off.”

Keith heard Lance's voice deepen with the last sentence, but didn't allow himself a moment to think about it. He didn't want to make him feel stupid.

"It's a good thing we've got it over with," he joked, though his heart was on fire. Lance craved his attention, until at one point Keith gave him all of it, until he saw no one else. But what did winning Keith’s interest mean to Lance?

“Yes.”

Keith could swear that Lance shifted slightly towards him, and every inch of the skin they touched flared warmer.

Lance was still clutching Keith's elbow and was not going to let him go. His hand was almost incapable of it, as if his fingers were pressed against the boy's skin. For several days, almost involuntarily and intensely, he thought about touching it. He tried to analyze how he felt about Keith all the time and how they changed.

He was surprised by the reflection he had come to, but now many things that he had not understood in the past or to which he had assigned completely different meanings had become clear to him. All this time he paid attention to men, although he unconsciously tried to show only his interest in women. How boyish bodies caught his eye, even if he didn't admit it to himself, and he told himself that he only admired their style. He was able to feel warm feelings towards his male schoolmates from an early age. He looked at his life and saw that if male figures were changed into female figures in certain situations, he would immediately perceive these relationships as romantic, and certain conversations as open flirting.

Oh , he thought with surprise, but also relief that he can finally fully understand himself, so I am actually bisexual. It makes sense.

If he had known this beforehand, could his relationship with Keith be completely different? If he had known, would he have correctly interpreted the warmth that filled him after that memorable conversation during the sunset before the end of the war? Every other conversation they had in which he was showing support to Keith or Keith to him?

Allura must have known that another happiness awaited him, another love. That someone would someday love him as it was not meant to be for her. He was pretty sure she wished he would move on and not define his life by mourning her until he died.

“Keith?” he whispered in the middle of a tropical forest, lying on the ground and almost hugging another boy in his arms, who confessed to him his feelings under the influence of alcohol. To which he had felt something other than friendship for a long time, but only now realized it.

Keith moved at the sound of his name.

“Yes?”

Lance moved closer, hugged the other boy. He was physically and mentally exhausted. He needed to think things over calmly, but at the same time he wanted to cheer Keith. Offer him some relief.

Until he could not answer him.

"You'll see, tomorrow morning we'll be able to get back to Shiro and the rest. We'll laugh at it.”

In the dark, he saw Keith's lips curve into a smile. The night was getting colder and colder, goosebumps covered Lance's shoulders even though he was wearing a jacket. Keith tried to hide the trembling of his shoulders.

"Wait," Lance said as he rose and pushed his jacket off his shoulders. He covered Keith with it and settled down again, this time drawing the boy to him.

His heart beat fast and hard, although he promised himself that he would not try anything until he finally understood his own feelings...

But how could he do this without checking different things?

“Thanks.” Keith's voice was soft, gentle. As they fought as Paladins, Lance realized that Keith spoke so softly and tenderly only to other men.

“Are you still cold?” He couldn't help but smile and the words that followed from him. “If so, I can take my shirt off to warm you with my sexiness.”

Keith made an unidentifiable noise.

“You don't have to choke on this.” Lance pressed his hands to the boy's back. He slipped a knee between his legs to be able to get closer. “Since the sight of my stomach muscles can save us from freezing, I am ready to show you its perfection.”

Each word was dripping with flirting, but Lance had spoken like this to Keith before, though Keith hadn't reacted in any way.

“Lance?” Keith finally spoke up.

“Yes?”

“Shut up and go to sleep.”

Lance sighed, but obediently stopped and focused on the other boy's warmth. Before he fell asleep, he felt Keith's fingers gently stroking his hair.

Chapter Text

Keith was woken up by something wet on his cheek. He was able to ignore it for a few moments, but then it moved. He sprang to his feet, bumping into Lance in the process. Lance’s jacket fell to the ground.

“Ooh, man, maybe not so violently.”

Lance elbowed him straight at Kosmo. The wolf licked Keith's cheek again, and the boy sighed loudly in relief. It was a hot morning, the birds were singing loudly in the treetops, the sky was blue.

“Kosmo, you scared me.” Keith scratched the wolf behind the ears.

“Your wolf found us, great.”

Lance leaned out to stroke Kosmo's head. Only now did Keith realize how close they had been all the time, that they slept almost all night in each other's arms and with tangled legs. Now Lance's arm rubbed against his, making him shiver. Yesterday's evening seemed unreal, a tender moment passed with the advent of dawn. Keith no longer felt the courage that only a few hours earlier had urged him to tell Lance how he felt. He only swallowed hard.

"You're bitten by bugs," he observed, and allowed himself to touch Lance's arm, running his fingers over it. He had really soft skin.

“You too.” Blue eyes stared at Keith strangely, uncertainly. As if he was trying to solve some pattern and was just starting to collect data. Did Lance regret what he said last night? “My back hurts a lot.”

Keith got to his feet and stretched, muscles protested. He brushed dirt and worms off his clothes.

"It was the worst camping ever," he said. He looked around the area, which no longer looked so mysterious and ominous. “But I'm glad you’re with me.”

He said it without thinking.

"Oh," Lance raised an eyebrow, "do you like my company so much? You flatter me.”

There was something about Lance's lopsided smile that set Keith's heart on fire. Instead of answering, he managed a smile and took his friend's hand. Lance stood up with a grunt, but didn't release Keith's hand immediately. He held it for a few seconds longer than necessary. He looked straight into his eyes, and for a moment the whole world held its breath. Keith could almost feel the tension between them, he could see the question in Lance's eyes.

Keith opened his mouth to answer him. At the same moment, Pidge jumped out of the bushes and ran into Lance. His hand slipped from Keith's grip. Kosmo jumped aside and growled, thinking that a threat was looming.

“Lance!” Pidge shouted and kicked his knee. “How could you! We were worried!”

“Ouch!” Lance hissed, his mouth twisted. “And that's why I should be kicked ?!”

Pidge made a face that would herald tears for anyone else, but for her it was an outburst of anger.

“You idiots! We've been worrying all night about where you are. Shiro almost had a heart attack, we were about to call someone! You had to take your phones with you!”

Her hysteria seemed overstated to Keith, but Pidge was always to be reckoned with.

“Who you wanted to call?” He asked.

Pidge shifted her angry glare from Lance to Keith.

"Anyone, Veronica, your mother, Atlas and the fucking Garrison!" She looked like she was about to cry.

Keith walked over and hugged her, Pidge was much shorter than him, and she hugged his waist. It was easy to forget that she was still a child, how petite she was. Because of her character, she seemed much larger.

"Sorry, we're lost," he said. “We didn't mean to scare you.”

Lance hugged Pidge from behind, and they both hugged her. Keith could feel Lance's breathing on his face, their lips very close, but neither of them thought about it. They were focused on a friend.

"Hey," Lance said as they finally let go of Pidge, "we're fine, see? Why did this upset you so much?”

He smiled broadly in confirmation of his words. The girl wiped her eyes and sniffed. She looked not like her usual self. Keith felt warmth fill his heart, he loved Pidge like a little sister.

“I just forgot what a terrible feeling it is not to know what is happening to you. Well, and you both seemed sad the last few days, so it's rather obvious I thought you might have done something stupid. Also, Shiro made some stupid remarks yesterday about what might have happened to you on the island at night.”

Keith stroked her head. Pidge pushed his hand away, but smiled in relief.

“We're safe and sound, Pidge.” Lance patted her back. “Well, maybe except for a few bites and scratches, but we're fine.”

“Okay.”

Her eyes were completely dry, there was no trace of the fact that she had just fallen apart. Kosmo pushed his head under her hand, demanding to be stroked.

“And never use the word ‘fucking’ again.’ I don't even want to know how you know all those nasty words.”

“From Matt.”

"I could have guessed," he sighed. “In any case, curses hurt your beauty.”

“And it wasn't ‘anger hurts beauty’?”

"If that were true Keith wouldn't be so pretty," he said as if nothing had happened.

Pidge smiled crookedly, Keith felt himself flush. He cleared his throat.

“I don't know if you're trying to offend me…”

“That was a compliment, man. Learn how to receive it, pretty face.”

Lance gave him a sincere smile, Keith looked away, and struggled to keep a calm grin on his face. He wanted to smile like a fool and sigh at Lance. Fully aware of this, Pidge waited silently for the further development of the situation. But Keith wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.

“How did you find us?”

Her eyesight said he was a coward.

"I gave Kosmo to smell your dirty socks, he followed you almost running." She pointed a finger at the pale boulder that was visible between the bushes. "And you guys are dummies, the path to Shiro's house is right behind that rock."

To Lance and Keith's surprise, Shiro wasn't mad at them. Neither Hunk nor Curtis. Their anger stemmed from fear. Shiro hugged Keith and Lance and only later shouted how much they scared them all.

"Don't ever do that again," he said. "I'm too old for such things, I haven't slept all night."

"Sorry, Dad," Lance said remorsefully, and Shiro hugged him again, this time almost crushing his ribs.

"Now go get the first aid kit, you have to treat those bites of yours. I don't want you to be swollen, maybe you have some allergies.”

Lance panicked a bit, as a child he was often bitten by all sorts of insects and just as often ended up in the emergency room at a nearby hospital. Keith just shrugged and said he needed to sleep off this awful night.

He met Lance's eyes before leaving, holding his gaze as if to challenge him.

"I'll get the ointment," Pidge said with a strange smile. “Wait in the room.”

It took a few minutes for her to come to him with a tube of ointment. Lance had pulled off his shirt and scratched a few bites.

"Stop it," she said, and slapped him on the shoulder. “You know it increases the chances of infection?”

"Stop scaring me and smear my back," he grunted.

The ointment was cool and relieved immediately. Pidge smeared the bites on Lance's back and arms and handed him the tube. The whole time she was staring at him strangely, as if trying to solve some equation.

Lance didn't notice it until she cleared her throat to get his attention. He was too preoccupied with his own thoughts and emotions that he didn't fully understand.

“Well, have you had a heart-to-heart chat? With Keith?” She asked with a wry smile.

The expectant, impatient look in her eyes made Lance pause to think about the strange words.

"Wait," he muttered, "did you know all this time? And you didn't tell me?”

"I don't know what you're talking about," she lied, not even hiding it.

“Of course you know what I mean! Oh Keitha! He told you? When?”

He couldn't believe Pidge knew before him. She crossed her arms and looked at him with a raised eyebrow, parodying his favorite expression of superiority.

“He didn't tell me, but it's obvious. From that first fight with Sendak, when you lay wounded, he looks at you as the eighth wonder of the world.”

“Because I am undeniably so.” Even in such a situation, he couldn't help himself. “But that was about a thousand years ago.”

“Exactly, sir.”

"How could Keith not quit, fall out of love all this time?" I'm not the easiest person to love. God, Pidge, I flirted in front of him with loads of other people. No wonder he was so mean to me at times. How terrible must he have been feeling all this time?” He was more aware of the pain he had thrown on Keith without even knowing it. And Keith was still his friend after all this, he still loved him. Lance's throat tightened. “Before my date with Allura, I went to him, he said nice things to me, and I left him there as if he meant nothing to me. Oh, Pidge!”

He was furious with himself. Pidge sat on the edge of the bed and patted his hand.

“The important thing is that now you know.”

“But he confessed to me drunk, maybe he was going to hide it for the rest of his life. What am I supposed to do, Pidge?” He groaned.

Pidge took his hand and squeezed it tightly.

“You have to be honest with yourself and Keith. How do you feel about him?”

Lance hesitated, did not know how to put into words what had been present for so long, but had not yet had a specific shape.

“I love him, I think. Not that I have a great idea of romantic love and showing it. I love you all, you are my family. But when I think of Keith, my heart beats a little harder, and in his presence I'm nervous that I will do or say something wrong. When I see him, he is clearer than others, I have the impression that I see... light in him. You know what I mean?”

“No, I don't have the slightest idea of romantic love. Aromatic, you forgot?”

“Yeah…”

Pidge didn't say anything for a moment, until Lance wondered if what he said made sense. He spoke from the bottom of his heart, and the emotions were sometimes not rational. He never knew how to talk about them, always panicked and talked some non-sense.

"But I understand what you mean, I understand other kinds of love," she continued. “I can see this light when my mom looks at Dad or at me or Matt. I can see it in the way Shiro hugs Ian and Curtis. When you talk about the farm and your family. As Hunk talks about cooking and Keith about helping. I feel it in me when I look at you, my family, with whom I have no blood ties. If that's not love, I don't know what is.”

Lance smiled at Pidge, her words giving him courage and confidence. The last pieces snapped into place and made an image so obvious that Lance didn't know how he might not have noticed it before. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the pillows. Pidge snuggled against his side.

“ Te amo, hermana .”

“I love you too. Now go to him and tell him how you feel.”

Lance fell asleep after talking to Pidge, only to be awakened by Ian's crying for food.

"Sorry," Shiro said as Lance leaned out of the room. “Sometimes it is difficult to control the moods of children.”

"Cool, I know it perfectly well," Lance replied with a gentle smile. “I have a big family. Do you know where Keith is?”

Shiro calmly held Ian in his arms and fed him from the bottle. He didn't even look up at Lance, he was too focused on his son's face.

“I saw him on the beach. He was quite moody, something happened when you got lost in the forest?” He asked with concern.

“I'm not sure.”

Shiro nodded at him, and Lance walked past him and out onto the terrace. Hunk and Pidge were watching some nature program in the living room while Curtis was cooking. Lance greeted them, barely aware of their presence. It was as if something was pulling him outside.

All he could hear was the distant sound of the waves, his head light and empty as he descended the stairs and walked across the sand. He thought about it for so long, analyzed it all. Now that he had finally made up his mind and accepted the reality, he was relieved. He knew what he had to do.

He stood next to Keith.

There were only three thoughts in his head, or rather memories of certain words:

I loved him long before I realized it.

So be afraid and be happy.

Please forget that something like this happened.

He took a deep breath and said according to his feelings:

“I don't want to pretend that that conversation didn't take place, that I don't know.”

The water was lapping their feet, Keith was staring absently at the horizon.

Keith asked:

“Have you ever been in love?”

He needed honesty, he had to know Lance wasn't talking nonsense back then, that it was all true. He needed that last spark of certainty and courage to finally admit what he felt.

“Yes.”

Keith didn't even look at him. Lance's heart beat faster inside nis chest, which suddenly felt too small to contain all these feelings.

“And how did it end?”

Keith finally turned to him, his eyes glowing but his face showed no joy.

“Who said it's over?”

The words settled softly on Keith's heart, hugging and warming it. Lance stared at him without saying a word, unable to get the words out of him. It was as if he had never admitted his feelings before, as if he were confessing them for the first time. And he could finally get it right.

“You really don't know who it is?”

Lance hasn't felt such an elation in a long time. His heart was racing, his veins filled with excitement, and his thoughts raced in all directions. All he could see was Keith's face - hopeless, almost suffering. All he could hear were the waves crashing against the shore and the rushing of blood in his ears.

He swallowed hard.

"I know," Keith whispered.

Allura would want this, she would like Lance to find happiness. So that he could love someone again like she couldn't. He had waited so long, grew up with that thought, and was finally ready to move on. Forward. Onward.

To give your heart back to someone, even if it hurts again at the end. He was not afraid.

He wanted it, oh God, how much he wanted it. How much he had wanted Keith for a long time, though he only understood it now.

So be afraid and be happy.

“And I love you too.”

He spoke each word slowly, seriously. Each of them lightly left his lips and hung in the air between them. Lance reached out his hand to his friend and whispered his name as if he were confessing a secret:

"Keith, I've loved you for a long time. Sorry to see it now.”

Keith shuddered at everything what was spoken in that one confession. All the emotions they felt towards each other, all the moments of their friendship, every look. He was filled with all that he had not given access to his heart for so long. A dam let go and there was no rationality or common sense left to save.

There was only Lance.

For a moment, Keith stared at him with a blank expression on his face, on which, after a moment, there was understanding and disbelief. He opened his mouth and closed it immediately. He took Lance's hand uncertainly, all the while looking him straight in the eye.

"Lance," he said, and that was enough. In this one syllable was everything he wanted to say. All his love and all his insecurities. All the joy that suddenly filled his eyes.

Lance clasped their hands, pulling Keith against him, almost out of breath as the boy fell into his arms. He wrapped his arms around his waist and looked deeply into the dark eyes that had followed him so many times. He looked at the lips he had watched so many times without realizing that he wanted to kiss them. He could see the blush against the pale skin, he could see the gleam in his eyes.

He felt light, free. Something warm ran down his cheek. Altean marks pinched him, which meant that...

“Lance, why are you crying? And why are your marks shining?” Keith whispered and wiped the tear away with his thumb. He didn't remove his hand, it cupped Lance's cheek.

"Because I’m happy," he croaked. “I'm happy.”

The smile Keith sent him could break hearts and put them back together again. Lance hoped he would look at him like that forever.

A warm sensation surged behind his teeth and ran down his spine, reaching deeper, down to the muscles and bones. Down to the lower abdomen. The world was shining with the setting sun, but all he could see was Keith and his burning gaze, parted pink lips.

His heart was beating fast - thump thump - and Keith's pulse seemed to match and perfectly fill the interval between Lance's heartbeats. Fill the void.

“Will you come home with me?” Lance asked.

A hopeful smile returned to him.

Keith pulled Lance and kissed him as if they were already at home.

Juniberry flowers weren't difficult to grow. They didn't need as much water as the colorful flowers on Earth. On Althea, their natural habitat was a warmer and drier climate. Just like succulents, they needed heat, they had to be fertilized only in summer with preparations with a significant admixture of nitrogen. They grew best on window sills, where they could bask in the sun's rays, but at the same time, they were protected from the deadly temperature by the glass.

Keith still struggled to care for them, although according to Lance they were ‘pathologically easy-to-handle weeds, I don't know what's so hard about it, Keith.’ Lance, however, smiled every time, seeing his beloved getting used to life on the farm and teaching how to milk cows, shift hay, ride horses, knit and bake cakes. Whenever he had the opportunity, he would pronounce Keith's name as if it were the most perfect caress in the world, as if he could feel the taste of love on his tongue.

And Keith kissed him good morning and goodnight every day, tickled him when Lance wouldn't get up, and looked after the countless children - Lance's siblings and cousins, who were always way too many in one place at a time - which usually ended in disaster.

The little ones were just playing hide and seek, Keith saw Nadia climb the tree behind the barn. He had just finished milking one of the younger cows and escorted her to her stall, wondering if he should let the girl climb that high. Lance would probably be halfway up to get her off the tree. But then he would have spoiled the game of hide and seek, and Nadia's older brother - Silvio - had just run out from behind the house and started looking for her.

Keith decided not to interrupt the kids' play and set off with a bucket full of fresh milk towards the big house. On the McClain farm, cows were milked three times a day. Keith hated being the one to milk them in the morning, and had to get up much earlier than he wanted.

Life on the farm went on overnight, from time to time interwoven with a cattle market, a visit by a blacksmith or a veterinarian, and the arrival of a dairy company van. Sometimes Lance would take Keith for a horseback ride around the area, trying to convince him that the horses weren't as scary and stubborn as one might think. Even though each day was like the last one and the work was never over, it was in no way reminiscent of the life Keith had lived after returning to Earth and before visiting Shiro’s island.

Here the days were filled with the joy of being part of the community, laughter, sometimes tears, when one of the children tore off their knee. Noise and screams, animal sounds, birds singing, insects buzzing. Keith finally felt alive, truly active, present in his life. He woke up with a smile on his lips next to Lance. He worked with his family, played with the youngest, prepared dinner with the eldest. He listened to the embarrassing stories in whichLance was the protagonist of and then kissed him in their room until he ran out of air.

“Don't spill it!” Marco said as Keith finally reached the porch.

“But I'm walking slowly!” He shouted back, not looking back, then added, "You'd better open the door for me!"

Lance's older brother appeared beside him and with exaggerated energy opened the front door, almost tore it off its hinges. At first, Keith had trouble remembering all names and who was who, for whom and why. It didn't help that most of the McClains resembled Lance - confident, joyfully joyful, loud and energetic.

“Ladies first.”

Marco flashed his teeth and pointed theatrically at the door of a large country house.

"Terrible humor is hereditary in your family," Keith grumbled, rolling his eyes as Marco laughed.

Keith still didn't know exactly how to deal with the McClains, but he was starting to feel less embarrassed in their presence. They took him into their family with almost no problem, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He immediately noticed that they treated him like each other - with a great deal of love and sarcasm.

He has yet to admit it to Lance, but he has come to love his family incredibly quickly.

“Honey, give it to me.”

Lance's mom, Elena, suddenly appeared next door and almost snatched the bucket from him without spilling a drop. She was petite, but Keith very quickly realized how much energy was in her, despite having a large group of children, sisters-in-law and grandchildren under her care. And Keith, whom she kept calling him honey or lover-boy, which Lance had always been nervous about.

“You know, mom, usually people say 'my son's boyfriend', not 'lover-boy'. I'm not a prudish old lady to have a lover! Besides, the lover sounds like some knight with a stick en trasero on a lame donkey, and not like a tough peasant that Keith is.”

Keith had no idea whether or not he wanted to be seen as a "tough peasant," but that was how he was treated - seriously, albeit with a degree of irony, inherent in the family love shown to him. It was the first time he had experienced something like this.

Marco passed his brother's boyfriend and his mother and disappeared inside the house.

“ Tía, ¿dónde está Lance? ”

Keith said and gasped. He was learning to speak Spanish, because that was the language of most of the McClain's conversations, and he didn't want to lag behind and have to ask Lance for a translation every time.

Lance's mom smiled brightly at him, though Keith had a terrible accent and knew only basic phrases and words. He was struggling to find the courage to speak a foreign language. Despite everything, he was doing better every day, he was picking up specific words from a stream of sounds more and more often.

“ Detras de la casa. ”

“Need some help with dinner?”

 Preparing food was considered a family ritual here, with usually at least four people hanging around in the kitchen, disturbing Elena more than helping.

Lance's mom shook her head.

“No, we'll be fine.”

Her smile was gentle, but Keith knew she still remembered when he added too much jalapeño to a few dishes and how he burned almost everything he tried to cook in the oven. Even Nadia and Silvio were much better at cooking.

He started back across the yard, but this time towards the narrow passage between one of the barns and the large house. A narrow path led to the rear of the farm, from which there was a serene view of the vast pastures and farmland. There was also a large outbuilding that used to be guest rooms and now Lance and Keith's apartment.

It was really cozy, but its biggest selling point was being able to isolate from the loud and energetic McClain family when Lance and Keith needed it. It also provided them with the privacy that young people and those in love definitely needed.

"You know, you have to be careful with the kids," Lance said once. “They are like cockroaches, they crawl everywhere, you can't chase them out, they see a lot, and they spread gossip. And I don't want them to know what we do in bed.” At that point, they were talking to Veronica and Luis, and Keith was drinking milk. After Lance's comment, he choked on milk and it came out of his nose.

Keith noticed how memories and emotions permeated this place that he might already call home. As everywhere he saw the past and joy, but also the future.

Juniberry flowers partially spread wild across the farm, several sprouting along the straight wooden fence Lance was leaning against.

Keith's heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, still reacting just as vigorously to his presence as it had when they weren't yet a couple. He thought he would get used to this happiness with time and it would become a commonplace for him, but it was quite the opposite. With every passing day he loved Lance even more. His moods, laughter, kisses, screams, words full of love, but also those sharp, shouted out during an argument. Blue eyes, dark hair, and tanned brown skin. It was how he could stare at his face covered in sprouting stubble in the morning. Fall asleep and wake up with him, kiss him, hug him and be part of his life.

Giving and experiencing happiness.

Keith walked up to him from behind, slowly making no sound, carefully and silently. He used the knowledge gained in Blade. He grabbed Lance from behind, kissed his exposed neck, and hugged his waist. The boy squealed, elbowed him in the ribs, but quickly calmed down.

“Keith! You bastard!” Amidst the anger, he could hear suppressed amusement.

Keith laughed, his lips still pressed against Lance's neck. He bit him and got a kick in the shin.

“Ouch!” He complained, unfazed.

“I'll give you a wow!” Lance squirmed in Keith's arms until he finally loosened his grip and Lance could turn to face him. He threw his arms around Keith’s neck and pressed Keith tightly against him.

“So you hug me in response?” Keith smiled with the corner of his mouth.

“I'm trying to strangle you!” Lance snorted.

Keith kissed him, hard, right on the mouth. He'd been doing this for months, but he still marveled at how soft Lance's lips were, how wonderful it was to be so close to him. Lance slid his fingers through his hair, still making shivers run down Keith's spine.

He parted his mouth, nudged Lance's tongue with his, inviting him to play. In response, the beloved purred without disconnecting their lips and deepened the kiss. Keith lost himself in smell, closeness and taste. In joy flowing in blood.

Lance slipped his hands under his T-shirt, stroked Keith's stomach with long, warm fingers. He hooked them on the elastic of boxers and constantly caressed his hips. Keith kissed Lance's jaw in response, then kissed the neck. He exposed the boy's collarbone and bit him gently, all the time caressing Lance’s neck with his hands. Lance groaned as Keith sucked on the hot skin. He knew he would leave a mark on him. Lance slipped his hands under Keith's boxer shorts, dug his nails into his buttocks, and forced him to finally break away to make the hickey and kiss his thirsty lips again.

They stepped back, out of breath a few minutes later, joyful, in love. Smiling, they pressed their foreheads against each other, gasping for breath.

" Te amo ," Keith whispered.

“ ¿Ah sí? ” Lance chirped with a disarming smile. “ Te amo, estúpido .”

Keith's heart was beating so hard and so steady, so sure. He loved every bit of Lance, he was so happy.

“I still can't believe I have you. That this is not a dream.”

Lance's gaze softened, he touched his cheek and stroked it. The Altean signs glowed as a sign that he was happy.

"It's not a dream, Keith," he murmured. “I still don't know how blind I had to be not to notice how sexy you are.”

From the yard they heard Luis's call for dinner and joyful screams of children, which effectively interrupted thLance and Keith with another kiss. Laughing, they turned away from the fields and the setting sun.

Holding hands, they moved onward.

THE END