Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It hurt. 

It really fucking did. And Beomgyu didn't mean his still aching ribs that honestly should have healed by now or the migraines from the lack of sleep every night. No, nothing could even dare top the pain of seeing them - of seeing him - and knowing you know them so intimately yet they have absolutely no idea who you are. 

It sucked so fucking bad to watch Taehyun smile at customers with his fake-ass customer-service smile and to expect that smile to shift into something softer, something more real, only for that smile to stay the same when Beomgyu met his eye. Taehyun doesn't know who he is anymore - why would he treat him any differently?

It sucked so much to accidentally bump into Yeonjun in the street randomly and the other boy gives him a concerned "You ok?" and Beomgyu has to hold back tears and give him just a shaky nod. Yeonjun had no clue who he was - he can't break down on him in the street. 

Don't get him started how much it fucking sucks to have to mourn someone you seemingly had no connection to. The number of times he had to tell that stupid lie that his Aunt helped him after the blip and that was how he knows her to outrun the fingers on both his hands. 

To top it all off, he now had to get his GED while fighting crime - because Seoul needed Spiderman, ok? It needed him, he couldn't - he couldn't just put down the mask and pretend to be normal. It wasn't like he had a reason to pretend to be normal anymore anyways. He didn't have any friends. He didn't have his Aunt. He didn't have Mr. Kim anymore. 

He had no one to be 'normal' with. 

Beomgyu had no one to comfort him, no one to help stitch his wounds, no one to give him advice - 

He was alone. And fuck, he hated being alone. 

Every night his fingers would itch to text Taehyun goodnight, to let him and Yeonjun know at 3 am that he got home safely from patrol. And every night, he just stared at his contacts, empty with only his landlord listed. 

Everything in him was screaming at him to just tell them as he'd promised. To go up to Taehyun at his work and say that speech he'd rehearsed for hours. To beg on his knees to get Taehyun to forgive him for taking so long. Every day, he woke up prepared to do it. He was ready every morning, convincing himself that that morning would be the one and he'd march up to Taehyun and tell him everything. 

How Beomgyu was Spiderman. How Taehyun and Yeonjun were two of the most important people to him. How sorry he was for taking so long. He'd explain how Taehyun and himself fell in love along the way but would reassure Taehyun he'd wait for him to fall in love with him again, or maybe never but that was OK because at least he had Taehyun in his life. 

Every day he was ready. And every day he looked Taehyun in the eye and remembered all the pain he'd caused him. The stress, the worry. How many times Taehyun's life had been in danger because of him. 

So every day he faltered. He looked away from Taehyun's eyes and ordered his regular; a medium caramel macchiato made with extra caramel. 

Taehyun's order. If the other boy ever noticed, he never faltered, only commenting on it once how they shared the same tastes - although Taehyun was good at that. Masking his surprise and his fear, using sarcasm to deflect. 

Sometimes, Yeonjun would come to the cafe as well. Beomgyu would take a seat off to the side, a spot he found he could easily glance at his friends without seeming like a creep. Yeonjun would always smile towards him before heading off to sit at one of the bar stools, grin shifting into that familiar smirk that meant he was there to annoy Taehyun. 

Taehyun, without fail, would roll his eyes at the sight of Yeonjun, but Beomgyu would watch his face would shift into something softer around the edges as he slid Yeonjun a donut, sometimes with a coffee. He'd lean against the bar if there were no other customers to help and listen with his head tilted to the side as Yeonjun ranted and raved about something. 

It made some small part of Beomgyu happy, seeing the two (alive; his Aunt was dead dead dead ) most important people to him seemingly thriving. It made him happy to know that even without Beomgyu, Taehyun and Yeonjun had one another.

He'd heard, through his enhanced hearing, that both of them got into Seoul's Art School - the school they'd all planned to go to together, the three of them, the school that ended up being the catalyst for all of this mess - Yeonjun on a dance Scholarship and Taehyun with an all-around fancy-sounding grant that Beomgyu knew he worked his ass off for. 

They'd be leaving in the fall, moving into an apartment together closer to the school. Apparently, the dorms were closed from some damage but Yeonjun had found them some sweet apartment with some random guy. Taehyun wasn't too keen on the random guy part but had relented after Yeonjun had whined for nearly the entire time Beomgyu had listened in. 

Beomgyu couldn't help the bitter feelings that squeezed his lungs whenever he thought about it. He had no right to feel so bitter over this - he honestly shouldn't even be thinking about the 'what if’s and the 'should be’s’. It was Beomgyu's choice after all. 

He'd chosen to give up everything. His family, his friends, his boyfriend - his identity . No one knew who Choi Beomgyu was, and he'd have to learn to live with that. He could - theoretically - build a new life. Make himself into whatever he wanted to be. He knew he never would, but he could. 

Seoul needed Spiderman, and as much as Beomgyu was beginning to resent the suit as he put it on, he knew he needed Spiderman too. Spiderman was his last connection to his old life. People knew who Spiderman was - Spiderman was a hero. He saved lives, protected innocents from people like Nam and the various other villains and bad guys in the world. 

So maybe, in the end, it wasn't a bad thing that Choi Beomgyu no longer exists. As long as Spiderman continued to protect Seoul, it didn't matter that Beomgyu spent his nights tossing and turning after dragging himself back to his apartment. It didn't matter that Beomgyu had scars upon scars on his skin, that his body ached from wounds that had long since healed. It didn't matter that some days, Beomgyu just wanted to curl into a ball and never wake up, haunted by the faces of his past. It didn't matter that Beomgyu was moments away from cracking every day, tears were always a pinprick away. 

It didn't matter, because Spiderman was still swinging through the air at night, protecting the citizens from being mugged and murdered. 

And in the end, did Choi Beomgyu even matter at all?

Chapter Text

Kang Taehyun was a logical person. He relied heavily on logic to explain a lot of things even though Yeonjun claimed that sometimes, he needed to leave things to his imagination instead. He'd been like that since he was a little kid reading books far too advanced for the average child his age, ignoring the laughter that echoed across the playground.

Logic was his first friend, the thing he relied on when his parents' shouts got louder and his sister's voice began to join them. It was the thing that kept him moving through school, kept him fighting back against the bullies that called him stinging names and passed out even harsher hands when Taehyun said something back. 

Logic defined him, protected him, fed him something that resembled hope as he used trembling hands to unpack his items in his sister’s apartment after five long years of nothing and returning to everything wrong. 

However...

There was no amount of logic that explained why he felt so … empty all the time now. 

He'd woken up on a random day with a headache, a nasty scratch down his cheek that needed stitches and wearing two-day-old clothing covered in more grime than he had ever seen before in his life. His body ached, he was both exhausted and starving, and he felt like he'd been sobbing for hours, eyes puffy and red as he gaped at the mirror, appalled and confused at the image of himself. 

Everything after that moment had just felt wrong. He went to school, easily fibbing to those who asked about the scratch as he went about his day like nothing was wrong, that there wasn't this feeling of brokenness in his heart. He'd met up with Yeonjun, who also looked as haunted as Taehyun felt, his smile not reaching his tired eyes as he greeted the other. 

Neither boy spoke on it, but both of them felt like something - someone - was missing, the distance between them both just big enough for another person to stand in. Taehyun pretended that he didn’t see Yeonjun go to crack some joke to someone that wasn’t there, and in return, the older boy pretended he didn’t see Taehyun’s hands tremble at the sight of anyone with brown hair that fell just right . 

His hands itched to draw someone he couldn’t remember the face of, his subconscious forcing him to draw out aimless features over and over again on the pages of his work, fingers aching as he traced over the same image a thousand times yet still somehow couldn’t get right. 

Taehyun spent so much time hunched over his sketchbook, leaving behind half-finished sketch after half-finished sketch. He just couldn’t figure out exactly who it was that he was trying to remember, his heart aching at the mere sight of poorly drawn eyes hidden behind messy bangs. 

This faceless boy even haunted his dreams, and every time Taehyun woke up he found his heart aching for someone he didn't know; someone who clearly was someone to him, whether it be from an past life or an forgotten memory. 

Everything just felt wrong. 

There was one less person in every photo on his wall; their was an unconscious space he left open beside him; their was an blank contact he opened every night, staring at nothing as if something was supposed to happen, as if someone was supposed to call him. 

No amount of logic could explain why Taehyun was haunted by someone he didn't know. No amount of logic could explain why Taehyun dreamed of an boy with messy hair and an annoying laugh that echoed even when he was awake. 

No amount of logic explained why Taehyun knew everything about this boy. How Taehyun knew that this boy hated light blue but adored the deeper tones of the colour. How Taehyun knew the way his face contorted with disgust as he ate mint-flavoured anything, and how annoyed Yeonjun got at it. How he knew how much strength the boy had - how much he lost and yet how he still loved the world as if it deserved to be loved. Taehyun knew that the boy meant more to him than anything else in the world, that he had loved him and had been loved by him back. 

Taehyun knew, beyond anything else, that this boy had saved him in every possible way one could save an person. 

And yet - 

He didn't know how he sounded when he talked, whether his voice was loud or soft. He didn’t know the exact shade of his hair, or the glow of his eyes in the sun. He didn’t know how the boy’s hand felt against his own, or the taste of his lips pressed to his. 

And logically, he shouldn’t care about some nameless, faceless boy that haunted him. After all - if this boy was really someone he was supposed to know, shouldn’t he remember him already? Shouldn’t he be able to remember how he sounded, how he felt, how he looked?  

Shouldn’t he remember even his name? 

Logic screamed at him to let it all go - it blared alarms in his mind as his fingers absentmindedly reached for an pencil to draw another aimless sketch. It soothed him to sleep after waking from yet another dream filled with forgotten laughter. Logic told him to forget about this forgotten boy and move forward, to keep going to his shifts at that horrid cafe he works at, to keep biting his tongue to stop himself from talking to that regular that always looks so sad, to keep pretending nothing was missing with Yeonjun as they hung out, awkward silence sometimes filling the air were someone else should be filling it. 

His entire life, Taehyun has been known as a ‘logical person’. Logic had been his first friend, the first thing he could rely on without fear of falling. Logic had guided him, raised were his parents didn't. Logic was both his saving grace and his doom. 

But for the first time in his life, Taehyun ignored the logic. He kept reaching for the pencil to draw the same aimless features. He kept dreaming about the annoying laugh. He and Yeonjun kept having those awkward silences. 

Kang Taehyun might be a logical person, but he is also an person ruled by his heart - and boy, was his heart screaming. 

So, Taehyun decided one day after one too many unfinished sketches, that he was going to remember this boy. He was going to remember how he sounded, how he felt, how he walked. 

Kang Taehyun was going to remember the boy’s name - even if it was the last thing he did.

Chapter Text

Taehyun sighed heavily as he tugged the heavy door to the cafe closed, shivering slightly as the cool night air blew against his skin as he used his keys to lock it behind him. For a second, he leaned against the glass door, fighting back an yawn as his bones ached from yet another horrible, exhausting closing shift. 

He scowled lightly, cursing the university for sucking his wallet dry - you’d think a scholarship would cover most of his fees, but apparently there were extras he had to pay for. Who even needed a meal plan? Taehyun wasn’t even living on campus - besides, he knew how to cook a mean ramen. He even taught himself how to make it more healthy (as one could get with cup ramen) for …. for …. 

Taehyun’s shoulders slumped more on themselves as he pulled away from the glass, staring at himself in the reflection. It had to have been for him . The boy he couldn’t remember, even after a month of trying desperately. The most he’d done was give himself a migraine so strong he couldn’t go to work for a week straight - thus his boss scheduling him closing shifts everyday since he came back as revenge. You’d think a grown man would be less petty. 

Sighing again, Taehyun ran a hand through his hair as he pulled away from the cafe finally, curling in on himself slightly as he began his trek home. Hopefully, he’d be able to make it before he caught a cold or something, he totally didn’t need to add being sick onto his list of problems. 

He ignored the normal night life that surrounded him as he quickly walked, not sparing anyone around him a glance as he began to get lost in his thoughts, confident in muscle memory to get him home.

Taehyun’s ‘list of problems’ honestly wasn’t that long - he was just secretly dramatic. The biggest problem he had, obviously, was still the nameless boy that haunted him. He had confided in Yeonjun not long after he decided to force himself to remember the boy, and was pleasantly surprised when Yeonjun told him he’d been feeling the exact same thing. However, the older boy wasn’t in any better position than he was - in fact, Yeonjun remembered even less. Granted, it seemed like he was remembering more bits of information everyday, just like Taehyun. 

Somedays, he’c come bounding up to Taehyun with this massive grin on his face before excitedly telling him that he’d remembered something like that the boy hated tomatoes with an passion, or that once, when they were kids, the boy had broken his thumb after jumping off the jungle-jim. 

However, just like Taehyun, he couldn’t remember the boy’s name or his face. It was always just these seemingly useless memories that they subconsciously remembered. Still, they kept them determined - after all, if they remembered something so small as how much the boy hated tomatoes to the point he once wrote an entire science report on why tomatoes should be eradicated , then surely they’d remember who it was soon enough. 

Taehyun paused in step briefly - oh, he’d remembered something new. He’d have to add it to his notebook later. He returned to his pace quickly, fully aware of the creeps that enjoyed hiding in the shadows around his neighborhood. 

The notebook in question was actually supposed to be used for Taehyun’s future university classes, but had soon become filled with all the little notes and tibits he and Yeonjun remembered about the boy. Taehyun had even included the various sketches he’d done - mostly the ones that were semi-complete or looked nearly like how Taehyun thought the boy should look. Still, there was always something inherently wrong with the images, and no matter how long Taehyun stared at them he couldn’t figure out what it was. 

Most nights Taehyun found himself reading through the pages as if they were his favorite book, even going as far as highlighting his favorite memories or fact’s as he came across them. Every time he read it, he always came to the same conclusion; it was easy to love whoever this boy was. It had to be, because Taehyun had already found himself falling in love with the boy again and again with every turn of a page,  and every trace of a useless sketch. 

Some nights, when he was feeling particularly exhausted and lonely and just so spent , he held the book close and pretended it was a person and whispered the words ‘ I love you ’, always aching just a little more when the pages didn’t say it back. 

He yearned for the things he didn’t remember, like the way his name sounded on the boy's tongue, or how exactly warm his hugs were, or how much comfort he found in another person when he swore to always be his own guiding light. 

Taehyun needed to remember these things, even if it was the last thing he ever remembered. 

He just needed to remember him . 

Yeonjun had suggested once that they should contact someone to help them. A hypnotist, a mind reader - a physiatrist. It’d been two months after all - two months of nothing but headaches and useless memories that got them nowhere. Taehyun remembered how tired the other had looked, how the bags under his eyes matched his own. He’d said it almost offendanly, a throwaway joke after yet another attempt and remembering nothing - but Taehyun had seen his eyes. He’d seen the way Yeonjun’s normally bright eyes had darkened and just how exhausted he was down to his soul. 

And for a second, Taehyun almost agreed with him. Honestly, he was just as exhausted and burnt out as Yeonjun was - logic was screaming at him to take the older boy up on his joke, to see a physiatrist just so they can confirm the one thing Taehyun had been fearing all along. 

That this boy wasn’t real. That he was just some figment of his and Yeonjun’s imagination made from the trauma of going through the blip and returning to everything changed. That this boy was just a stand-in for their desperate attempts to find the piece of themselves that had been taken in those five years of nothing. 

The thought had crossed his mind countless times, if he was being honest, and he knew that Yeonjun had felt it as well. It made sense - their brain creating a fake-person for them to focus on as they try to figure out what was missing in themselves. It made so much sense that Taehyun desperately wanted to believe that was the truth. 

He wanted to be told this person wasn’t real, he wanted to be told he made it all up. He wanted to be told that this was all in his head, that the boy he was trying to remember wasn’t real because fuck he was getting so tired of almost reaching it - almost grasping at even a damn intial - only for it be snatched away like it was nothing, like it was not even there in the first place. 

He was just so tired and yet - 

His heart told him that this wasn’t something he made up. That this person was real and that he loved him. And Taehyun trusted his heart - it hadn’t failed him yet, after all. 

He’d keep trying to remember this boy until it was the last thing he could do - 

Which it just might be, judging by the sharp feeling poking at his back and the arm coming around his neck, pressing him back firmly against a leather covered chest.

Oh. He’d forgotten about the recent spike in muggings in his area. How silly of him. 

Beomgyu carefully followed Taehyun's form from a distance, making sure to keep hidden high in the shadows. He couldn't risk being discovered - heck, he could see the headlines now. " Seouls Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Not So Friendly After All" or "Spider-Man Stalks Young College Student at Night." 

Besides the less-than-savoury headlines, he also didn't want Taehyun to catch wind of him and to confront him - Beomgyu couldn't handle that. What was he supposed to even say?

' Oh sorry! We just used to date and while you don't even remember me anymore, I'm still head-over-heels for you but I'm too scared to actually get to know you again as Beomgyu so I've resorted to hiding behind this mask and making sure you get home safe every night from your shifts -'

Yeah, that explanation only made him sound even worse. And listen, Beomgyu knew it was messed up, ok? He knew that the instant he started doing it months ago but he couldn't help himself! 

This was the only thing he allowed himself - besides the small moments when he got coffee at the cafe allowing himself to let his eyes linger on Taehyun's face for just slightly too long before rushing away before Taehyun decided to finally ask him why Beomgyu stared so much - to have from his old life. Taehyun was his last, and only, connection left in the rubble - even if the younger wasn’t even aware he existed anymore. 

In the beginning, Beomgyu had promised himself one more week. One more week of visiting the cafe, one more week of watching his old life move on without him, one more week of letting himself be close to Taehyun, one more week of clinging to his forgotten identity. 

That week had turned into two, then three, then an entire month passed. Beomgyu had thought it would have been easy to quote unquote ‘burry Choi Beomgyu so Spiderman could live’ - yet every time he even saw a glance of Taehyun, he clung to the small sliver of Choi Beomgyu left behind the mask. 

With Taehyun came an onslaught of emotions; happiness, regret, self-hatred, anger - you name it, and Beomgyu felt it boiling within his chest at some point. Taehyun made him remember everything it meant to be Choi Beomgyu - the good memories, the bad memories, the ones in between - and  that made it just that much harder to pretend that Choi Beomgyu never existed, only Spiderman. 

Kang Taehyun - without even knowing who he was - made him want to be Choi Beomgyu again, even though Choi Beomgyu didn’t matter at all in comparison to Spiderman. 

Beomgyu cursed softly as a bird flew in his path, nearly causing him to swan dive into the pavement of the back alley he’d taken as he barely moved out of the way in time. At the same time, Taehyun paused in his movement, which caused a spike of panic in Beomgyu. Thankfully, it seemed that Taehyun hadn’t, in fact, noticed him as the younger’s pace began again almost immediately. 

Beomgyu followed Taehyun easily, allowing his eyes to linger on the gentle curves of Taehyun’s face under the light of the street lamps. 

He watched as Taehyun shivered, tugging his sweater closer around himself as he walked. Beomgyu recognized that sweater - he'd gifted it to Taehyun. Well, more like Taehyun had 'stolen' it from him and just never gave it back. 

A bittersweet feeling pooled in his chest as he watched the other. More than anything, Beomgyu wanted to just … be with Taehyun. He wanted to exist beside him, to hold his hand and protect him from the world even as Taehyun complained he could take care of himself. He wanted to be Choi Beomgyu, who loved Kang Taehyun more than the sun loved the moon - but he couldn’t. 

Taehyun didn’t even know who he was. All his memories of him - of them - were gone, washed away in some bright light. Taehyun, Yeonjun, Suga - they all forgot him. And, yes, it was his choice but it wasn’t like there was any other choice to make. Beomgyu was Spiderman, he was a hero! He had to make the best decision for the world, not for himself. He wasn’t allowed to be selfish and choose himself. 

He’d spent the last month trying to convince himself that that was for the best; that them not knowing him was the only option, that his existence didn’t matter. And everytime he’d nearly done it, every time he’d almost said ‘ goodbye Choi Beomgyu, hello Spiderman ’ he’d get that ache in his chest, and he’d remember.

He’d remember every little thing that made him Choi Beomgyu in the first place, from his memories of his parents before they died to the memories of when he first met Yeonjun to the memories of him gaining his powers and losing his uncle all in one week. Every little thing that had made him Spiderman first made him Choi Beomgyu.

Beomgyu landed on the edge of a fire escape, watching as Taehyun turned down the familiar alleyway towards his apartment. He lingered there, contemplating following Taehyun all the way to his apartment building like he did every night. Maybe not following him tonight could be his first step towards someday letting go. He bit his lip, watching as Taehyun got further and further away, getting smaller by the second. 

Maybe this could be it. The small first step of many more steps of letting Kang Taehyun - and subsequently Choi Beomgyu - go. 

He sighed, leaning against the railing next to him slightly as he stared at Taehyun's fading form. He swallowed, shaking his head slightly as tears sprung into his eyes, refusing to break down until he was hidden under the worn cover on his shitty bed at his shitty apartment -

All of his senses seemed to scream at once. At the same time, his enhanced hearing picked up Taehyun's voice. 

"...et me go! I'll give you everything just don't…" Beomgyu was swinging down the alley before he even realized he had moved. 

There, just out of Beomgyu's sight when he was wallowing on the fire escape, was Taehyun being held tightly against some guy with greasy hair and a nasty smile. Across from them was another guy with a crooked nose, a small tattoo under one eye. 

At first, Beomgyu wondered why Taehyun hadn't used any of the self-defense moves he'd so proudly learned (and had used on Beomgyu) but then his eyes caught the small glint coming from his side. 

Greasy Guy had a knife pressed against Taehyun's side. 

A mix of anger and fear pooled into Beomgyu but he forced himself to think this though. He couldn't risk Taehyun getting hurt in the cross-fire of what was happening, he had to make sure —

"This one's pretty," Crooked Guy eyed Taehyun up and down and something churned in Beomgyu’s stomach as he watched the man touch Taehyun's cheek, Taehyun glaring at him and snapping his teeth towards the trailing fingers. Crooked Guy laughed, the sound cruel and echoing, "and feisty. I like them feisty." 

"Fuck off — " Taehyun snapped back, only to wince when Crooked Guy backhanded him, a small scratch appearing from one of the thugs many heavy rings. Still, he glared as Crooked Guy sneered, reaching towards something glinting in his own pocket. 

Beomgyu was moving from the shadows before either of the thugs even realized he was there. He used his webs to drag Greasy Guy's arm behind his back and away from Taehyun, dragging him forward and using the momentum to shove him into Crooked Guy. Both landed in a heap after crashing into a nearby garage bin, the rats squealing loudly at the disturbance.

And maybe Beomgyu shoved them a little too hard, seeing as neither of the disgusting men moved after. He could hear their heartbeats, so at the very least, they were  still alive — they'd just be waking up with very nasty headaches even though they deserved far worse for even thinking about touching Taehyun.

At the thought of the boy, Beomgyu's head snapped around from where he'd been sending death glares at the criminals, eyes frantically searching for him. He hadn't accidentally hurt him, had he? Beomgyu hadn't really thought his plan through, he had just wanted to get those men away from Taehyun as fast as he could — 

Beomgyu felt his breath catch in his throat as his eyes met Taehyun's own. Even in the dim light of the alleyway, Taehyun shone. 

The younger looked like he was somewhat still in shock at what just happened, eyes wide and jaw slightly slack as he glanced at the thugs and back towards Beomgyu a few times. 

Beomgyu swallowed, realizing this was the closest he'd been to Taehyun since he stopped going to the cafe. Gosh, he was so close . 

"...thank you," Taehyun's voice was soft, nothing like the hissing snarl it was before towards the thugs. In fact, Taehyun's entire stance and features had melted into something softer, something more familiar. It made Beomgyu's chest ache, being at the receiving end of such a look again. 

Beomgyu swallowed thickly, hoping his voice didn't sound strained as he spoke, "It was nothing - just, um, just doing my job." 

Taehyun blinked at that. He shuffled slightly closer to Beomgyu, face twisting for a second before he shook his head, "Just because it's something you choose to do, doesn't mean I shouldn't thank you. You probably just saved me from … well something really unpleasant." 

A flare of anger bloomed at that, and Beomgyu turned to glare at the men again, a small sense of satisfaction curling in his stomach at the sight of the nasty bruise on Crooked guys face. 

Beomgyu shook his own head, clearing his throat as he faced Taehyun head on again, slightly startled to find the boy had gotten even closer, "Are you ok? He didn't, you know, get you or anything?" 

Taehyun looked startled slightly at Beomgyu's voice, hand trailing up to touch the skin on his cheek. The cut from the ring had bled some but it wouldn't scar. "Oh, no, I'm fine. Other than this and probably some bruises," 

Beomgyu unknowingly slumped slightly, relief easing the tension that had formed in his shoulders from the mere thought of Taehyun being hurt, "Thank goodness -" his eyes pressed shut briefly, only to shoot open as Taehyun spoke again.

"Beomgyu."  

Chapter Text

There was something familiar about Spiderman. 

From his tone of voice to the way he stood, to the way he seemed to talk too much with his hands - even though he clearly didn't notice as they moved - everything about the boy across from him screamed familiarity. 

And Taehyun didn’t know why. 

He watched as Spiderman glared at his attackers, the lens of his mask narrowing into slits as his hands seemed to subconsciously clench into fists. Even the way he held himself back was familiar, and like a memory etched in dust, Taehyun could picture it. A boy not-so-much taller than him standing in front of Taehyun, protecting him from something but holding himself back from the fight. 

He could feel the headache coming but he clutched onto that memory, trying to fill it out and brush the dust away. It was like cobwebs crowded every inch of his mind, blocking the most important details yet leaving the smaller ones alone for Taehyun to see. He could almost see it, the edges clearing away - 

“Are you ok?” Spiderman’s voice - his familiar, comforting voice - startled him and Taehyun lost the memory. “He didn't, you know, get you or anything?" 

Taehyun blinked, silently mourning the loss of the memory as he shook his head, "Oh, no, I'm fine. Other than this and probably some bruises," he trailed a hand up to his face, gently touching the scratch from that guy’s ring on his cheek. Some ointment and a bandaid and Taehyun would be right as rain. 

Something began to … tingle in the back of Taehyun’s mind, itching its way to the front but he couldn’t quite figure out what it was. Something about Spiderman was eerily familiar - which honestly, wasn’t surprising to Taehyun. After all, the friendly-neighbourhood superhero was a popular figure. Everyone loved Spiderman - Yeonjun even had a little shrine in his room for the masked hero. Well -  actually -  not everyone was a fan of the hero, he supposed. The Daily Dispatch seemed to hate him with a passion, blaming him for seemingly everything that went wrong in Seoul, (which was completely unfair and honestly ticked Taehyun off a bit). 

Taehyun found himself staring at the masked hero, focused on figuring out what it was his mind was trying to tell him. As his eyes lingered on the hero, however, he found himself becoming even more lost in the familiarity of the figure in front of him. Did he, perhaps, know Spiderman? Was the masked hero someone he went to school with, or maybe someone he worked with? Everything about the hero in front of him was hauntingly familiar but Taehyun just couldn’t place why . 

From the way Spiderman stood slightly slouched to the way he spoke with too much hand movement, all of it made Taehyun’s heartache - and to his eternal frustration, he didn't know why. His head was beginning to hurt from how hard he was focusing, trying to place the Superhero desperately. He didn't know why, but everything in him screamed to remember who he was - to remember his name . 

Taehyun paused, eyes widening slightly. 

Spiderman seemingly didn't notice Taehyun’s realization, slouching in on himself and eyes squeezing close, beginning to say, “Thank goodness -" when Taehyun interrupted him, a single name on his lips. 

“Beomgyu,” and just like that, Taehyun remembered everything. He remembered the sweet dates Beomgyu planned for them, he remembered the soft yet firm way Beomgyu held his hand. He remembered how easily Beomgyu loved him, always choosing him over anyone else. He remembered the way Beomgyu protected him, held him, never using his superstrength unless it was against someone who deserved it. He remembered how Beomgyu remembered every little detail about Taehyun, proving again and again to him that Taehyun mattered, that Taehyun was his someone. 

He remembered Beomgyu, covered in blood, sweat and tears - the grime of the city practically painted on his skin - smiling towards him so softly, so gently it had broken and mended Taehyun's heart all in one. 

He remembered the feeling of Beomgyu's palms against his cheeks as he cupped them, the way their lips pressed together perfectly imperfectly, the sting and taste of tears as Taehyun tried to hold back a sob but failed.

He remembered Beomgyu at the end of the world, telling Taehyun and Yeonjun he'd find them when everything was over. 

Yet nothing mattered more at that moment than Beomgyu himself, who froze at Taehyun's voice. 

Taehyun took a step closer himself, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips as more and more memories rushed through him, the cobwebs finally clearing away. Beomgyu asking him out. Beomgyu saving him from falling to his death. Beomgyu creating him that mixtape full of songs that reminded him of Taehyun. Beomgyu blushing as he gave him the very necklace Taehyun wore at that moment, the star charm glittering in the light. 

Beomgyu kissing him the first time - the feeling of free-falling but trusting Beomgyu to catch him as his heart fluttered, body yearning to be closer. The feeling of drowning in everything the other boy was and knowing with such desperate certainty that Beomgyu was just as much his as he was Beomgyu's. 

Taehyun stepped closer to the frozen form of the boy across from him, and closer still when he didn't move. Finally, he was so close Taehyun could see himself clearly reflected back in the reflective portion of Beomgyu’s mask. 

Taehyun could see the way that Beomgyu stiffened as he gently raised his hand to his cheek, easily stepping closer into Beomgyu’s space. Taehyun smiled wobbly, feeling the familiar sting of tears as they began to gather in his eyes as his boyfriend subconsciously pressed his cheek into his palm. 

"Oh Beomie," Taehyun spoke softly, rubbing his thumb over the fabric of Beomgyu's suit, over where the other boys' cheekbone was as he felt Beomgyu begin to tremble, "You silly boy - I told you to come find me!" 

And just like that, Choi Beomgyu crumbled into his arms, falling into him like he was falling home. 

His name. 

Taehyun said his name. 

Beomgyu froze, eyes widening as far as they could go as he processed the sound of his name falling from Taehyun’s lips, the soft way Taehyun spoke it ringing in his ears. He watched, almost in a daze, as Taehyun took a step closer, a familiar smile forming on the other boy’s lips as he came closer and closer. 

For a second, Beomgyu wanted to press his eyes closed. He wanted to pinch himself, to wake himself from the dream he was clearly having. Or should he say the nightmare? 

He’d had this one before, countless times - and everyone ended the same way. Taehyun touching him, kissing him, hugging him and then vanishing into the empty darkness that was Beomgyu’s mind as he woke up alone, tears wetting his pillow and heart just that much more empty. Sometimes, on really bad nights, Yeonjun was present too, and even rarer it was his aunt. They all ended the same though. 

Beomgyu alone in the real world, quickly losing the will to keep being Choi Beomgyu. What point was there being someone that no one remembered, someone no one would ever remember? 

Taehyun took another step closer and Beomgyu willed himself for what was to come. Taehyun was going to touch him, was going to smile at him and lean in for a kiss - and then he was going to vanish like every other time. 

He willed himself not to move, staring at the face of his boyfriend as he got even closer, close enough Beomgyu could imagine the warmth Taehyun always seemed to carry. 

Then, he did it. Taehyun raised his hand and Beomgyu knew this was it. In mere moments he’d be shooting awake, cheeks wet and pillow damp. He followed Taehyun’s palm, refusing to look at Taehyun’s face as he held his breath, bracing himself for what was going to happen. 

And then Taehyun touched him. And he didn’t fade away. No, in fact, he moved even closer to Beomgyu, feeling oh-so-real and oh-so-alive as he gently ran his thumb across Beomgyu’s cheekbone with a crooked smile. 

Beomgyu trembled, eyes widening as shockwaves ran through his body at the realization that this was real. This wasn’t a dream or a nightmare, this was real and really happening right then and there. Taehyun was touching him and Taehyun had said his name. 

And Taehyun speaking again, voice sounding wet yet scolding, "Oh Beomie. You silly boy - I told you to come find me!" 

Choi Beomgyu fell forwards into Taehyun’s chest, uncaring of how strange anyone would think it to see Spiderman clutching at the shoulders of a young college student as he fell apart, finally feeling safe enough to break down in the arms of the boy he loved and who loved him back. 

And just like that, Spiderman didn't matter more than Choi Beomgyu anymore. 

Taehyun shuffled slightly on the bed, smiling softly as Beomgyu whined and clutched at his waist slightly harder, pouting towards Taehyun as he laughed. 

“Stop moving,” Beomgyu muttered, sending a half-hearted glare towards the other boy.

“I’m sorry,” Taehyun replied, shuffling one final time before settling back, pressing a kiss to Beomgyu’s cheek as he did so, “This bed wasn’t exactly made for two people, you know.” 

Beomgyu huffed out a breath, “It came with the apartment.”

Taehyun eyed the ‘apartment’ in question, raising an eyebrow, “You mean your closet with a stove?” 

Beomgyu whined again, burying his face into the crook of Taehyun’s neck, “Stop making fun of my closet with a stove!” 

Taehyun laughed again softly, gently running his fingers through his boyfriend's hair and grinning as the other visibly relaxed even more. Tearing his eyes away from Beomgyu - which was honestly so much harder than one would think, every time Taehyun looked away, he always found his eyes falling back on the other boy - he glanced around the ‘apartment’ again, biting his lip as he really took in the state of it. 

Shaking his head, he silently began to plan how to get Beomgyu out of there and into Taehyun’s own apartment - which he shared with Yeonjun and a boy named Peter who was out more than in - figuring that the older would easily be able to share his room with him without any issues. 

Mind drifting slightly, Taehyun thought back to a mere hour ago, back to the moment in the alleyway that had led them to here, cuddling in Beomgyu’s shitty twin bed in his closet with a stove (that Taehyun was sure was a fire hazard, by the way).

Taehyun had held Beomgyu in that disgusting alley long enough for the rats to start chewing on his shoelaces and for his leg to fall asleep, but he hadn’t dared move, simply holding Beomgyu to his chest as the older boy sobbed and sobbed, offering him a silent comfort. 

Eventually, Beomgyu had pulled away and tugged off his mask, allowing Taehyun to see his face, blotchy skin from crying and all. Taehyun himself had wasted no time in gently wiping the tears from Beomgyu’s cheeks as he ignored his own tears, pressing a soft kiss to the boy’s forehead as Beomgyu took shuddering breaths, trying to calm himself down. 

He truly didn't know how long they sat there, but soon enough Beomgyu had calmed himself down enough to speak. 

“You remember me,” his voice had cracked, throat clearly hoarse from sobbing his heart out into Taehyun’s chest moments ago, but Taehyun didn't mind. 

Taehyun himself felt his throat ache with that tell-tale feeling of holding back tears even though it hurt, “I don’t think I truly ever forgot you,” he had responded, watching as Beomgyu’s face twisted again before crumpling in on himself once more, crashing forward to press his lips against Taehyun’s own in a near-perfect mimic of their last kiss. 

This time, however, it ended with Beomgyu gently swinging Taehyun through the night air and sliding open a broken window that led to his ( closet ) apartment. 

Taehyun’s eyes now landed on the clock on the microwave across the room, eyes widening slightly at the time. Now that he realized just how late it was, Taehyun also realized just how heavy his bones felt, just how tired he really was. On top of that, now that he was focusing on himself, he felt the sharp pain in his head, which probably was due to the onslaught of memories that had been flooding him all night. 

“We should sleep,” Taehyun said softly, running his fingers through Beomgyu’s hair again. Nearly instantly after he spoke those words, however, Beomgyu tensed and sat up, lip trembling slightly as he faced away from Taehyun, “Beomgyu? What’s wrong?” 

For a second, Beomgyu didn’t respond and Taehyun was left staring at the other in worry. Finally, Beomgyu spoke, voice nearly whispering as he did, “I’m scared.” 

“Of what?” Taehyun tilted his head, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. What could Beomgyu be scared of? 

Beomgyu took a deep, shuddering breath before facing Taehyun again, “I’m scared that when I go to sleep, I’m going to wake up in the morning and realize that this was just a dream-like every other time. That I’m going to wake up alone in this stupid bed in this shitty apartment without you and I’m going to be alone again.” 

Taehyun felt his heart break. He squeezed Beomgyu’s hand with his own, silently intertwining them together as he tried to think of a way to comfort his lover, “Oh Beomie, I promise you this isn’t a dream. This is real - I’m sorry it took so long but I’m here, I’m real and I’m going to be here when you wake up.” 

Beomgyu smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes, “I know - but I can’t stop being afraid of it. What if when you wake up, you don’t remember me again? What if this was just some flook and you’ll forget me permanently?” 

Taehyun bit his lip, racking his brain for an answer before he straightened up, squeezing Beomgyu’s hand again before letting go and climbing off the creaky bed and heading towards where he’d dumped his bag earlier. He could feel Beomgyu’s gaze on his back as he dig around his bag, searching for the one thing he hoped could help. 

He hummed in triumph as he pulled it out, fingers catching on the familiar spiralled wire of the notebook as he held it up in the dim light. Climbing back on the bed after turning on the duck-taped together lamp beside them, he gently patted the space next to him with a smile. 

Beomgyu easily fell back into the space, eyes lingering on the book now sitting in Taehyun’s lap, “What’s that?” 

Taehyun smiled again, fingers tracing the familiar cover of the book before he turned it over to reveal the very first page completely filled with his handwriting and sketches. Silently, he let himself gaze at the words he knew by heart by now before passing it over to the curious Beomgyu. 

“...what's this?” Beomgyu asked again after a few seconds, fingers tracing over one of the half-finished sketches Taehyun had pasted in. He paused before reading out loud, “ I remember he feels like sunlight; warm, lively and all-around comfort. I remember spending days admiring how he seemed to glow, my breath was stolen every time he smiled or laughed. I remember realizing for the first time that I loved him sitting under the sun after he had just told the stupidest joke ever, and had laughed at it so hard he’d begun to choke on his spit. Just hearing his laugh made me happy and I knew I’d do anything to hear it forever .”

Taehyun smiled softly, “This book is filled with everything I remembered about you. I couldn't remember your name, or what you exactly looked like - hence all the shitty sketches that had my sister think I was going crazy - but I remembered so much about you that I had to write it down. I couldn’t stop remembering you and I don’t think I would have until I finally did.”

Beomgyu didn’t respond for a second, gently tracing over the tear stains on some of the pages as he flipped through the book, “I should have told you. I should have listened to you -”

Taehyun squeezed Beomgyu’s hand again, stopping him from continuing, “As much as I wish you told me earlier too, it’s in the past. I’m here now, and I’m not leaving you again until the day I’m no longer breathing.” 

Finally, a smile cracked on Beomgyu’s lips, “Yeonjun is going to whine so much,” 

Taehyun snorted, “Even more so when he realizes he built a shrine to you in his closet.” 

Laughter spilled from Beomgyu’s lips, loud and bright and instantly Taehyun knew everything was going to be alright. It might take a while, with its messy ups and down’s but that was life. He knew that in the end, everything they had gone through would be worth it, and already was worth it just to be beside one another again. 

Taehyun watched with a fondness that left him aching as Beomgyu thumbed his way through the notebook that had kept him going in his darkest moments, a wave of contentedness flowing through him as his boyfriend settled against his chest, curling into him without even thinking about it. He pressed a kiss to the crown of Beomgyu’s head, resting his cheekbone against it as he just held the other, finally feeling as though he could relax. He’d done it, after all, he’d finally remembered that faceless boy that had haunted him. He’d remembered him and Taehyun knew he’d never, ever forget him again.

For the first time in a long time, logic didn’t scream at him. Instead, it agreed with his heart as Taehyun tugged Beomgyu even closer to himself, promising to silently never let go of the boy in his arms until the day he died. 

Kang Taehyun had finally remembered who Choi Beomgyu was - and he was going to make sure the world remembered him too.