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The day when I decided to leave my solitude was cold.
An unpredictable winter came that year, shifting from sun and warmth to snow storms and cold in the spawn of a few days.
I laid in my bed, curling in a ball, trying to keep myself warm with the soft blanket wrapped around.
Despite the grey and white coming from the window nearby, my thoughts had rather – yellow – undertones. I imagined myself in summer, on a field with freshly bloomed sun flowers, bathing in the sunlight on the grass like a silk rug.
But… something was missing. I felt a deep void, like a painter feels when they notice their art needs another part. Once again, I didn’t crave something next to me, but someone. I wished I heard words whispered in my ear, wished I had their hand around me, to get lost in their touch and embrace…
My sleepy mind still clung to that fleeting vision, as if it were a dream from the night before.
But it was morning. It was too late to try and find consolation in dreams at that time.
I got up and looked out at the snow, the trees and dull sky, so unlike the blue one in my fantasy. By inspecting a bit the radiator I noticed that a servant must’ve forgotten to turn it on.
Without thinking, I found myself scrolling through the contacts in my phone. Businessmen and women, secretaries, agents, marketing agents – their names almost overwhelmed me.
But who was I searching for, really?
The realization that no one’s voice from that list was the one I wanted to hear quickly dawned upon me, like a dark cloud over my head.
I sighed with my eyes now on the suitcase filled with paperwork at the end of my bed.
It was the beginning of a new day.
I might have found the person who could’ve helped me a week later.
A friend of mine told me that she had arranged me a blind date with someone special.
I gazed back at the mirror in my closet, daydreaming with my hands fixing my elegant attire, thinking I was ready for the dinner that was set just in a few hours.
I sat in the wooden chair, the pleasant voice of the receptionist and butlers still echoing in my ears. The expensive restaurants had such an impeccable aura when I had first started attending them! But at that moment, it had lost all its shine, it seemed almost… ostentatious. The thought that I could be eating at home then, in my pajamas while watching TV flashed my mind, so appealing for the first time.
‘Good evening.’ A deep male voice awakened me out of my trance.
I glared up, tacking in the tall and broad figure next to my table.
He was, so, so good-looking.
Dressed classically in a black suit with a white shirt, he seemed anything but ordinary. His V structured jawline with strong eyebrows accentuated his polite smile – the upper lip slender and the lower one plump.
His rough facial features made him seem – too perfect. Like one of those models that could look good in anything.
His big brown eyes reassured mine.
‘Jaehyun?’ I questioned the Korean-American. All the composure that I’ve mustered when talking to rich CEO’s, persuading clients, all systems turned off in surprise of the angelic 20 something guy’s appearance.
His smile widened slightly. ‘Yes. May I sit with you?’ he gestured lightly with his veiny hand (with long and thick fingers) at the chair in front of me. (Even his hand was perfect.)
‘Y-yes. Of course.’ I answered, gulping, trying to contain myself. An image of me with my mouth hanging open while staring at him popped into my mind, making me grin and exhale amused.
He chuckled at my later reaction and sat down. He looked up and down my face I’ve spent so much to groom not long ago.
‘You look amazing, miss.’ Gosh, his baritone voice. I could listen to it all day. ‘How would you like me to call you, miss? Madam, ma’am?’
My cheeks reddened and reddened, my grip on my wrist tightening. ‘Just… miss. That works.
Besides, I’m only a few years older than you.’
‘Yes, miss.’ He laughed softly, his voice deepening.
He had such big dimples, it made him look so cute! The fact that his laugh revealed both that and his pointy canines, like a vampire, was another contrast that intrigued me.
‘I’m so happy to have met you, Jaehyun.’ I said, taking his name all in after the waiter gave us the menus. ‘Should I call you that?’
‘Sure.’ He agreed. ‘Full stage name is Jung Jaehyun, and Jaehyun is what my friends call me. But my real name is Jeong Yuno.’
Oh, a pseudonym? And even his close ones use it? Could I ever…
…call him by his real name?
‘And also…’ he continued.
I told him my full name as well, he responded that it was beautiful, not helping the blush that didn’t seem to leave my face.
His hair was almost as black the menu he held. Did he dye it?
‘I’m also glad that you’ve accepted my friend’s offer to meet me here.’ I said, switching from reading the words in front of me to studying the pretty face behind them.
He did the same, the eye contact making my fingers hold on the cover and pages tighter.
‘I was a bit hesitant to do that, but she was one of the regulars so…’
I knew her liking of expensive theatres (she must’ve been a V/VIP there) and that he was ‘the main attraction of that place, the Prince of the theater.’ (She said that, not me)
Why did he have to be an attraction and not a person, an actor?
But I didn’t tell her that. And I wish I did.
‘But if I had known you were my date… I wouldn’t have been so reluctant.’
‘A-ah!’ my mouth reacted faster than me, surprised by his charm. We both laughed, disregarding the nervousness and the caution of a first date.
‘What is your zodiac sign?’ I found myself asking later, not wishing for our discussion to end.
‘Aquarius.’ He replied.
‘Oh, we’re compatible!’ I said, unaware of my flirtiness. The truth was that I knew nothing about astrology and compatibility, but made a mental note to check it out later.
He blushed, chuckling, extending his hand to take a sip of the beverage.
We chatted while eating dinner, feeling more like I was with a friend rather than a stranger. Finding something new in each other. So, time went by shortly.
I took a breath in, feeling like the meal was coming to an end.
‘Thank you for today, Jaehyun, I haven’t laughed like this in a long time, but I have to ask you—‘
He inhaled too, aware of what I was going to suggest.
‘—do you want to spend the night with me?’ I finished.
‘Um…’ he broke eye contact, looking down at the empty dish awaiting the arrival of the waiter, deeply measuring the words.
‘You don’t have to accept it unless you want to.’ I reassured him, studying his eyes that scanned the table.
His almond-shaped eyes held my gaze again, making my heart beat faster.
‘Miss,’ he spoke, ever-so-civilized ‘please don’t be upset with me, but I must refuse this time.’ He finished, looking away.
‘It’s okay, I’m not mad.’ I assured him.
‘But I would like to go on more dates with you, don’t get the wrong idea!’ He explained, subconsciously moving in his chair closer to me. ‘I mean, unless you wouldn’t… want that…’ he gulped.
I blinked repeatedly, trying to process. He noticed my wonder.
‘O-of course I would like to date you.’ I responded truthfully.
He smiled back, his moon-shaped dimples reappearing. I had the revelation that I wanted to see them more.
We took our sips of champagne, both pleased with how the night went.
We went on a couple of dates, firstly at expensive restaurants, then in more casual instances, such as cinema, walks around the city, even holding hands… not once did we go to the theater.
The first time I mustered the courage to invite Jaehyun at my place was on a rainy spring day. After we had rushed in a café to hide from the rain, our date taking an unpredictable turn, I contemplated the idea. The idea to hide from the drops of water inside my house.
I asked him and after blushing and looking away he agreed.
We got in my polished car, the same shine as his wet hair. We were fast enough to run in time, the water only slightly landing on his blue hoodie and tight black jeans.
I somehow managed to take my attention from him and focus on the road, the steering wheel covered in leather in my palms. He didn’t talk much, as usual, and spent the journey staring outside the window to his right, probably nervous.
We arrived at my empty home (empty because I had given the servants the day off after asking them to clean around the house) before entering my car.
I walked him in, his expression in a child-like wonder. At first he tried to restrain himself, but eventually failed.
‘Miss,’ he said after taking off his sneakers he must had cleaned before our meeting, facing me ‘I didn’t know you lived in a mansion.’
I chuckled, handing him some slippers with unicorns. ‘Now you know. Maybe you will come to see it more often…’
‘I hope so…’ He chuckled back, his words making my heart flutter.
I held his hand, walking him through the rooms.
‘This-‘ I gestured ‘-is the kitchen. Are you hungry? Wanna eat? I know we just had lunch but-‘
He shook his head politely. He seemed to be enjoying the tour.
‘And this – is the bedroom.’ I finished after walking up the stairs.
He gulped while staring at the matrimonial bed at the center (even his Adam’s apple was perfect).
‘Hey,’ I reassured him, as I sat on the bed ‘you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.’
He looked back at me, his rough features softening, his brown eyes seeming full of – adoration. ‘I know, miss. May I sit?’ he gestured toward the bed.
‘Y-Yes.’ I accepted, taken aback by his eagerness.
He sat next to me, staring down at the white-pink plushy slippers, only our legs touching. He kept his hands intertwined on his lap, as if he was trying to solve a problem.
I put my hands on his, the warmth feeling much better than the colder air. ‘Is there a problem?’
He turned his head toward me, blinking softly. ‘…No.’
‘May I… make you feel better?’
‘Of course.’ He answered and parted his hands to lean on his back, shifting his weight and moving toward the middle of the bed. His arms were lying next to his body.
‘Tell me if anything is wrong. What’s your safe word?’
He answered again. I straddled his waist with my legs, leaning down to kiss him: on his forehead, on his cheeks, his uneven lips…
And that jawline.
There, my kisses turned from gentle to intense. After my lips gently caressed his skin, I found myself growing more and more hungry, biting that incredible jaw. He moaned as his hands desperately jumped to hold my waist.
I moved down, this time my tongue met his neck’s skin, excitement and ecstasy achingly building up in my chest. He tasted even better than I’ve fantasized. My teeth grazed his Adam’s apple, his heavenly high-pitched sounds going higher than I thought his middle register voice was capable of.
His fingers gripped my mid torso tighter, making me imagine his fingertips turning white and his muscly arms shaking. He was so sensitive and I’ve barely done anything. I switched from holding my weight on the bed next to his head to holding his hands around my hips.
I met his flustered gaze and he immediately looked down avoidantly. I intertwined our hands and then pushed them against the bed, his fists restraining him above his head as I leaned down. I made him maintain eye contact, Jaehyun blinking at first but this time not breaking it. My breath grew more rapid, landing on his handsome face.
‘Jaehyun,’ I ate up his blushing cheeks ‘are you scared?’
He breathed in and parted his lips slightly. ‘No! Just…’
‘…just?’
He closed his mouth.
I tried to reassure him, whispering into him even closer. ‘Let me make you feel good… Don’t worry, Jaehyun… my prince…’
His eyes widened, surprised. ‘P-prince?’
‘Yeah.’ My body tensed subconsciously, my spine straightening. ‘Don’t want me to call you that?’
‘What?’ he smiled softly. ‘I love it, miss, please keep calling me that.’
‘Ok.’ I smiled back. ‘Should I…
Also treat you like a prince?’
‘Um…’ his smile widened ‘what do you mean?’
‘I mean-‘ I pushed back our hands on the mattress, his sweaty palm gripping mine harder, ‘a prince should always be satisfied and cherished, right?’ I said sweetly such improper words.
This time he tensed, his abdomen hardening under the sides of my thighs.
‘How does that sound, my prince?’
‘Wonderful, miss. Please take charge, please make me feel good, please I want you so badly please—‘
He stopped, taken aback by the sudden sincerity? (He said once he wasn’t good at expressing himself).
‘Sure, my prince. I’m gonna get you undressed first, ok?’ I said, proceeding to lift up his hoodie that hugged perfectly his chest and ribs, revealing his inverted-triangle shape.
‘Yes.’
I let go of his hands, his arms returning to laying on the side of his chiseled body. I moved my legs lower from around his waist. Our crotches met and my thighs sat on the sides of his hipbones. We both groaned at the first contact.
He contained himself and asked ‘May I?’ while looking into my eyes and then at our legs.
‘Yes.’ I agreed.
His palms tightly gripped my thighs, massaging them. He slowly pushed our cores together and even thrusted up, the friction against the fabrics feeling overwhelmingly pleasurable. He threw his head back and closed his eyes, continuing the motion, his moon-shaped dimples the deepest I ever saw.
‘Ah, miss, I love it! Feels so – ah!’ his moaning cut him off.
‘Yes, Jaehyun, yes!’ I responded, knowing I was going to be breathless soon ‘But please, stop.’
He let go of my legs and his lower area met the mattress again. He arched his back and lifted up his head, maintaining his weight on his elbows.
‘What is it, miss?’ he asked concerned, his eyes finding mine.
‘No, nothing’s wrong, but you said you were going to be my prince. It’s my turn now. I didn’t even take your clothes off.’
He looked away, red not only by embarrassment but also by effort. ‘I’m sorry, miss. I lost my patience. I just wanted to make you feel good.’
‘Relax.’ I said, ‘You can continue that after I’m done.
If you will still be able to.’
He tried to suppress the smirk that appeared on his face.
I let my palms grip the soft material of the hoodie while going up, tracing the sides of his torso: his upper hips, his waist, his chest, his collarbones… finally managing to take it off and let it fall farther on the floor.
I watched as his chest moved up and down in a faster rhythm. Almost his entire skin was flushed red, while his eyes with lust-blown pupils studied my reaction at his toned body. My palm felt up and down his abs, his skin shivering.
His distinct voice broke me out of my trance:
‘Thank you, mis-
tress.’
Did he just say-
Mistress?
Did he decide to call me miss on purpose so he could call me mistress in bed?
My lips tenderly met his newly exposed skin, him squirming under my praises in between kisses.
‘Jaehyun, my prince, baby…’ his arms pulling me closer, hugging my shoulders.
‘I’m gonna take care of you like the prince you are.’