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Chapter Text

Was I ever good enough?

Mammon asked himself, looking down at the bright streetlights of the devildom. 

 The sky was black, the sun never shined in devildom after all but the night sky was adorned with stars looking down at him. They invited him warmly to join them..

To be the brightest star among them..But he was not born to be bright..

His eyes, once a blue full of life now dull. They followed the tiny figures beneath him. The streets were as lively as always..

It was.. scary, how the world keeps moving and going forward while he was stuck on this roof waiting for death to come embrace him..

It was haunting, like a reminder that he was nothing of value. That he made no difference.. and his breath couldn't help but hitch at the thought as tears filled his eyes.

How did I get here.. 

He wonders, but really.. how did things end like this?

How did the little desire for love, turn to this desperation and.. helplessness.

Maybe he was too greedy?.. greedy for love? Or maybe.. greedy to be seen? For protection? For help?

..

Greedy for what he used to have?

Maybe he was..

The clock slowly ticked to midnight, his brothers were probably asleep except for maybe Levi..

His lips lifted upwards at the thought, he's probably playing right now..

And Lucifer... Oh, Lucifer..

He's surely waiting in the dining room for mammon to come back home. It makes mammon happy to know someone is waiting for him.. But the same way it broke him to know he'll be welcomed with anger and disdain..

Just as if he didn't have a home.

He closed his eyes, the tears took the opportunity to stream down his face leaving behind a cold streak.

The clock hits 00:00 and his body goes cold, a tiny voice at the back of his head speaks softly to him.

𝖬𝖺𝗆𝗆𝗈𝗇．．𝗂𝗍'𝗌 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾

It whispered to him.. He looks down again. The streets continued to move and slowly emptied out. He didn't know why he was still standing. His legs refused to move.

"I'm.. scared.." he mumbled, choked up. He bit the inside of his mouth before whispering..

"Push me."

He felt something gently push him from behind.. but as he fell, and the edge of the roof became more distant he saw nobody there.

A wave of pain hit his body and everything slowly went black.

...

     ..P̸̧̨̻̳̜̥̙̟̗̿l̵̦̬͔̦̦͒͒́̏̑̒̿̊̕e̸̢̹͈̬̣͉̋̃̿̓̋̅͒̂̕ä̵̛̙͍̟͍͚́̍̏̈́̀̍͆͒̅s̶̢̛̱̠͒͛̎́̏̈́̽͒̕ė̶̛̼̗̘̑̂͛͑̀̀͊ ̸̦͐̑͋̇̽͑̽͠ͅs̵̛͓̤̆̀̾̓͒͜͝t̷̹͎̻͔͌̏à̵̛̺̣͊́̑́͛̂̏y̶̫̫̻̖͚͚̗̙̿̌͛͒ͅ ̵̹͕̇̒̑̈̈́́̓͘͝ã̸̭̯l̷̤̲̈́̽̆͊̀̌ȉ̸͍̘̘v̸̩̦̆̓è̸̡̛͍̰͈͙͖̀͜ ̴̣͋ͅf̵̱͚̠̿̋̀̈̈̒̉̕ȍ̴̡̺̰̖r̶̨̬̹̝̼̤̱̯̼̈́͛͌̀̾̐͑͂ ̸͙̾̿m̷̧͖͓̯̘͇̜̪̾̾́̋̕̚͜ě̶͉̰̖̪̤̝̲̟̭͖̈͊̑͊̈́́̇͆..

...

His eyes snapped open, His gasps filled the silence of the room as he clutched his chest..

where am I?

His eyes wandered around the room, a sense of familiarity washed over him, he's been here before..

"Mammon."

Mammon froze, he knew that voice.. a familiar voice. Familiarity wasn't something he needed right now.

The hair on his arms stood tall as chills went down his spine. He didn't like the serious voice that Called out for him.

"Lord diavolo.."

He whispered as if the name was heavy on his tongue. His eyes shifted to spot the tall silhouette against the bright lights of the lavish hall outside. blue eyes met gold.

He felt his heart pounding in his chest as diavolo approached him, each footstep echoing in his head. He was frozen, the colors drained from his face.. he was anxious, terrified.

He couldn't look away, his gaze stuck on diavolo..

He's scared.. he's confused, mad.. helpless.

Why is he here...

..

Why am I here..

.. I don't want to be here.

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence. Mammon felt like the world was pressing against his chest. Thoughts were running through and over his head before he could even process them.. what if he told them? What happens then.. and what happens now?

What is he going to do now..?

He flinched as diavolo's sharp and serious voice cut into the silence, addressing him again.

"Mammon.. what happened?"

The question made him feel nauseous. He eyes awkwardly wandered around the room with no specific purpose or destination. His voice refused to cooperate with him..

“mammon, answer me.."

Answer him..?

He couldn't, he doesn't know.. he doesn't have an explanation.. how can he look diavolo in the eyes and tell him just how miserable and pathetic he is?

"I.. I don't know.."

He answers, his voice trembled and his fear wasn't a secret. He felt small, helpless when diavolo's eyes narrowed.

He can feel it, Even without seeing it he can Imagine the look on diavolo's face.. His eyes turned to face diavolo as the latter approached him once again, placing his hands on mammon's shoulders and forcing him to look into his eyes.

"Did you jump? Did you try to kill yourself..?"

If mammon couldn't answer, the way his jaw dropped was enough. Kill himself..? What a blunt way to put it..but of course he did

His body started to tremble as he looked away in shame. He can't let diavolo know how sad his life was.. he was meant to stand tall and strong as one of the seven rulers of devildom. Not tremble and shake like a little lamb learning to walk.

He was.. so fucking weak.

Diavolo gritted his teeth as his grip on mammon's shoulders tightened.

Why?..

Why? Why?? Why!??..

..

Should he.. tell them?.. if he does would that really help?

He just wants to help..

But if he told them would mammon really get the help he needs..?

What does he do from here..

He thought about what to say, hesitating to even open his mouth to speak.. so he said nothing.

He slowly releases his grip, letting mammon's tense shoulders go before stepped backwards.. and leaving the room.

...

Direct orders from diavolo were given out. Mammon is to be put on school leave until further notice which caused a spark of confusion between the brothers. It was too sudden.

when Lucifer went to ask what that was about he was given vague answers and excuses. But diavolo's words are commands and he's not one to break them..

The situation became more tense when mammon returned home that day at night after disappearing for two days..he was so out of character. So quiet, lacking energy and looked just tired.

Ever since that day mammon refused to leave his room.

The confusion remained, the brothers wanted to know what happened. Why the sudden Change from mammon?.. was it connected to diavolo's sudden command?..

Levi walked through the hall, head glued to his game as he stood in front of one specific door and knocked to make his presence known.

“Mammon get down dinner is ready!” 

levi said loudly. He knew mammon was going go refuse, saying he's not hungry so he continued before mammon had a chance to speak

"Come downstairs or Lucifer will come get you himself"

He spoke before turning and walking back to the dining room. With a sigh, mammon rolled himself out of bed, now sitting on the edge while looking at the ground..

"I.."

He trailed off as he caught a glimpse of himself on one of the mirrors..

"I look like shit.." He said with a huff before finally getting up and heading to the bathroom..

I don't want to do this.. he thought. 

He entered the bathroom, flinching at the bright lights. He was sitting in darkness for the past days.. how edgy of him. He stood in front of the sink and looked the mirror..

Messy hair, red shot eyes.. he looks dead.

He sighs once more. His eyes trailed down along looks the scars that marred his wrist. It's been a while.. since he last held a razor to his skin. It just.. stopped helping, it didn't make him feel like it used to be..

Maybe, just maybe.. he can find another way.

But what if it's too late?..

His attention was brought back to sink as the cold water overflowed, dripping against his feet. When did he turn the sink on?.. did he plug thr drain..?

...

what if..

do it.

..

Do it!

...

DO IT.

           𝗗𝗢 𝗜𝗧!!                            

do it..              do it,

mammon.

             Do it.

 DO IT.            Do it.

           𝗗𝗢 𝗜𝗧!!                𝗗𝗢 𝗜𝗧!!

COME ON!                   𝗗𝗢 𝗜𝗧

DO IT.       USELESS

DO IT!      

HURRY!           COME ON!!         COWARD

      DO IT                           DO IT!!   

HAHAHA

USELESS!     DO IT      DOITDOIT DO IT!!

      DIE                     WORTHLESS!!

DO IT      DO IT   DO IT    DOIT

DO IT!!

“Mammon!”

!!

Panic filled him, His body twitched and his lungs burned. He pulled his head out the water, eyes wide and the sound of his desperate inhales overrode the banging on his door and the running sink.

He leaned down on the sink, pushing all his body weight against it.. he couldn't breathe, his chest tightened and his head felt light.

He's alive.

All the noises around him were distant, like he was in a wind tunnel. His vision blurred with tears as he turned to look at the door.

"Mammon, open the door" lucifer demanded. His voice caused mammon to freeze, the world around him slowed down.

Oh no.. Lucifer was mad.

"Open the door before I break it."

That line made his heart drain of its blood. He couldn't let Lucifer see him like this.. he couldn't. He turned the sink off before his body jerked forward and a loud gag left him followed by a mix of saliva, water and acid.

Holy shit..

he just..

he was going to.. what was that?

The door suddenly bursted open revealing an upset Lucifer. Mammon looked up, his disoriented, tear filled eyes looked straight into Lucifer's sharp and annoyed ones.

Something in Lucifer's face changed the second he saw mammon. His eyes glided through the scene from mammon's hunched over body, to the vomit on the ground, then mammon's wet face to finally the overflowing sink.

"What were you doing..? I've been calling you for the past three minutes." The pride demon asked slowly trying to see any signs of the usual energetic mammon but there were none.. like that wasn't his brother.

"S'rry.."

Was all mammon could say.. Lucifer frowned, mammon was calm..

Too calm, he wasn't defensive, he wasn't complaining.. just unnatural calmness that felt disturbing to Lucifer.

“clean yourself and come down. If beel ate your food Don't complain about it.. we'll talk about this later.”

With that, he left the room and soon mammon followed along. The walk there was awkward.

.

.

.

The brothers finally reunited at the dinner table. It's been a bit since all of them sat together due to mammon's absence. They were all in their little worlds enjoying the meal.

Levi playing, asmo talking and satan listening.. and it goes on but mammon remained quiet.

The food in front of him untouched..

His quietness didn't go unnoticed, it made the rest.. uncomfortable. He just sat there, lacking what made mammon.. well, mammon. His food was going cold as it was forgotten. He just looked at it but made no move to reach out and eat any of it.

"Mammon? Are you not going to eat?" Beel asked. Shifting everyone's attention to the white haired demon. His question went unanswered.. so he called again.

"Mammon?"

"Huh?"

Silence filled the room as mammon snapped out of whatever thought he was so deep in.

"... Are you okay?"

...

Mammon's eyes looked into Beelzebub's, why would beel ask him that..?

"I'm okay..?"

He replied before looking down at his food again.

oh, it's cold.

beels eyes refused to leave him and so did everyone else's. So he pushed the plate forward towards his younger brother. 

"You can have it" 

He said, but beel's frown only deepened as he pushed the plate back to him and spoke. "Eat."

Mammon said nothing but looked back at the food before picking up his fork and giving in. As he ate, he watched beel's worry fade and return to the satisfying look as he munched on what seemed to be his fourth plate.

After eating a bit, he stood up and headed to his room.

The bathroom echoed with gags and coughs as he bent over the toilet, finger shoved deep in his throat forcing him to gag violently.

His throat was burning. He felt sick.. his eyes close shut as he forced himself to vomit. Adding pressure to his stomach as a streak of saliva stretched from his mouth to his trembling fingers.

Please.. it burns..

Another violent gag, followed by a series of coughs and choked sobs as he felt the relief in his body after he threw up the food he forced himself to eat.

He felt pathetic. He is pathetic..

He's scared..

Everything about this situation was disgusting..

The sound..the smell..the feeling..

Everything.

At that moment he wanted everything to just.. go away..

Why is this happening to him

He wonders over and over again.. asking no one to be specific.. he just hoped he'd find an answer,

He just doesn't understand anymore..

He just wanted to rest.

Chapter Text

mammon wasn't good at a lot of things.. he can't lie, but he can keep secrets..

He knows he wasn't okay, that he's lacking sleep, that he's not eating well. He knows these things aren't healthy. He knows that he shouldn't be getting these thoughts that are making him feel insane.

The hour now is 2:28, his room was dark, he should sleep.. but he can't. He tried to force himself to but it didn't work..

He felt watched..

He felt uneasy, uncomfortable in his own room. He felt.. unsafe. But that was only part of it. He had a headache, there were millions of little voices in his head and they made it hard for him to rest.

millions of emotions..

He felt sad, he felt guilty.. he felt scared, he felt desperate.. yet not a spark of happiness or hope among all these dark feelings that flooded his body..

He closed his eyes and sighed..

In an attempt to sleep again, he turned to his side, pulling the cover over him and hoping he'll finally rest.

After a while his body finally admit defeat and he slowly drifted to a long.. peaceful sleep..

... peaceful.

..

He slowly opened his eyes, yawning as he sat up..

Why is it so cold..?

He wonders, looking around to see himself still in the same dark yet unusually cold room..

But something felt.. wrong.

The cold air that brushed against his skin made him shiver, cold ..

His eyes caught a glimpse of something,..

Her..

His sister.. His DEAD sister..

That's when he felt his body freeze, he couldn't move, his body wasn't moving..

She was staring at him, blood  falling from her wing.. a smile stretched on her face.

Mammon..

.

.

.

Lilith...

He wanted to call out, he wanted to hug her..

To beg her to stay,

“Why..”

Huh?

A drop of blood fell from her to the ground..

...drip.

“WHY”

Drip.

“ WHY?? ”

Drip.

“ WHY DIDN’T YOU DIE INSTEAD ”

Drip.

“ WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE ME ”

Drip.

“ DIE "

She yelled..

Her hands tightened around mammon's neck, when did she get on top of him..?

He can't breathe, why.. he can't move,

He was scared.

He can't fight back.. no.. He doesn't..

He doesn't want to die like this. Not at the hands of his sister. Yet here he is laying there letting out choked gasps and slurred begs..

His ears now ringing and his chest felt as if it's about to explode, he couldn't hear anything anymore.

Only the slowly blurring image of her as she yelled and tightened her grip..

It feels.. peaceful now.. but it hurts..

"you should've died instead of me."

It hurts.

...

He doesn't want to sleep anymore..

.

.

.

6:31.. His brothers should be in R.A.D by now..

Come to think of it, why hasn't anyone been bothering him about skipping R.A.D..?

He never really thought about it since school was really the last of his worries.. maybe he should go today?..

..No.

..or maybe he should. he got up, heading to grab his uniform.. he noticed something in the corner of his eye. It was her..

All it took was a blink before she disappear leaving him terrified.

..He quickly got ready and left the house,

 he hates this.

Chapter Text

He walked along the halls of R.A.D.. He was already a topic of gossip to everyone and their friends. He just ignored it.. it really wasn't the top of his issues currently.

Other than the murmurs and whispers the day was normal.. well, aside from diavolo who walked besides him. He felt uncomfortable.. he hasn't seen the prince since that wretched day.

"why are you here."

Diavolo asked, he seemed just as.. uncomfortable or awkward as mammon. But his tone wasn't really that of a question but more of a demand for an answer.

Diavolo was in deep conflict. He wanted to tell Lucifer. He had to tell him.. it was his responsibility as his friend to do so, right?..

But it's also his responsibility as mammon's friend to wait.. to let mammon decide what to do from now on..

Mammon's voice broke his line of thoughts and self conflict.

"I wanted to come.."

he answered simply, he wanted to cut the conversation as short as it can be. He couldn't look the prince in the eyes anymore..

Diavolo stopped walking, causing mammon to stop as well. Diavolo looked at him while mammon looked at the ground.

"I want to understand.. why? Let's take at the castle after classes. I want to help."

Help?

Mammon finally looked at him.. diavolo is trying to help him..?

Why?..

Mammon hesitated..not like he has an option other than accepting anyways..

"Alright I'll cya then.."

And that was it, they parted ways as mammon left to his class..

As the hours went by and school day almost came to an end, the meeting refused to leave his head.

The thoughts of "what if..?" Played with his head and emotions like a doll.

What if.. diavolo told Lucifer.. and that's why Lucifer hasn't really been talking to him.. because he's disappointed and ashamed of him.

Or maybe this meeting is just a trap to throw him into some psych ward.

He.. doesn't want that, he doesn't want to even imagine that.. Him being pathetic the way he is is only his fault to be blamed for.

Maybe he can't trust diavolo..

not yet..

Chapter Text

The bell rang, announcing the end of the school day. Mammon packed his stuff and stood up..

He has to admit.. he was nervous.

He couldn't stop thinking about why diavolo would want to meet him.. what "help" he's going to offer..

He had millions of thoughts on how this meeting could end..

And most were bad.

Too occupied with his mess of a head, he stopped Minding his surrounding. Only until he hit someone.

He balanced himself quickly and looked at the other person.  Oh.. it was a levi.

The envy demon groaned as he fixed his headphones, now tilted. He had a frown as he opened his eyes to face whoever just bumped into him.

"Huh?? What're you doing here? I thought you're on break or something"

Levi asked, surprised that mammon would willingly come to school. His eyes narrowed as he noted how.. exhausted mammon looked.

"You look like shit. Did something happen?"

Mammon looked at him for a long minute before laughing.. seems only levi can really get him to laugh in times like these.

"Nothing, well.. nothing important I guess"

He replied, his lack of enthusiasm didn't go over Levi's head. He crossed his arms and looked at mammon with a raised brow.

"So something happened? What's that that had you locked up for a week?"

Levi pushed for an answer, he doesn't spend much time with his brothers yeah, but that's why he can notice changes easily.. no one has tried asking mammon what's all this about despite noticing the unnerving change in him.

He waited for an answer, watching mammon straighten up and his smile drops. His face now full of worry and distress.. levi was going to ask again but was interrupted..

"Ah, there you are, mammon."

The brothers turned, following the familiar voice.. it was none other than Barbatos..

"My lord is waiting for you in his office"

What..?

Levi thought looking at the butler then at mammon, his confusion grew as mammon's face scrunched up and avoided barbatos's gaze.

...

What's going on..?

"I Don't ..yeah I'm coming"

The greed demon whispered before turning to face levi.

"Promise me you won't tell Lucifer about this.." he pleaded, looking Levi in the eyes. When offered a nod mammon turned and walked with Barbatos.

Leaving a worried and confused levi behind to question what might be happening with.. or to mammon..

.

.

.

After an uncomfortable walk to diavolo's office, they finally arrived. Barbatos prepared some tea before he leaves them both alone to have this conversation.

Unease filled mammon as he stared at the demon prince going through some papers. And the sound of the tea barbatos is pouring into the fancy little cups in front of them.. 

It made him feel nauseous..

"I'm sorry you had to come all the way here just to be welcomed by me working."

Mammon gulped and nodded to reassure the prince that it was okay..

He wants to leave..

"Well.. work could wait for a while.. I want to ask first..

..

why?.."

Mammon looked down at his hands, fidgeting with his fingers anxiously..

He expected this question really..

but..

He doesn't know the answer, or.. well, the exact one.. or the right one.

he did it because he's a terrible being..

Because.. he's helpless.. a selfish, greedy asshole that wants so many things..

Things that he can never have back.

Because..

he has no purpose in being alive other then making people hates him..

Even his brothers hate him..

These moments really weren't his proudest.. when his head is full of answers yet his voice remained stuck in his throat.

But.. the reason why really..

"I'm.. I don't know.."

Mammon gave all those reasons but they were never heard by diavolo.. 

How could he.

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence, no more tea being poured and the only sound was their breaths.

The sigh that left diavolo broke the silence, followed by his voice as he spoke.

"I'm.. worried about you.. to be honest with you I'm not sure what to do from here.. Ever since that day and I've been wondering..

..

if I should tell your brothers.. or If I'm doing the right thing by not.."

Mammon felt an immense amount of relief that he didn't know how to express it. He was glad that diavolo didn't tell his brothers.. yet.

Diavolo continued..

"I really want to help you, I don't know how.. what needs to be done and changed.. but, I want you to move in to the castle with me, mammon..

I know this may be out of nowhere and honestly.. it is.."

The prince said with a tone so serious mammon wished he could say he heard it wrong..

"I..why.."

Mammon wonders but is met with no answer.. another silence fell upon them as the atmosphere became uncomfortable for all 3 present.

Until the buzz of mammon's phone caught their attention.

It was his brothers..

House of lamentation(7)

Lucifer

Mammon where are you

Leviathan

Saw him at RAD today.

Satan

Oh? Weird, I thought he'll use every last second of his break yet he chose to go to school? Willingly??

Asmodeus

Strange really, maybe the Idiot is getting some character development?

Lucifer

Mammon, come home immediately. We need to talk.

Mammon

Can't right now.

He looked at the screen and typed back.. At least they noticed he's gone.

He looked at the ground as he put his phone away, unable to really give an answer to diavolo's offer right now

"I.. I'll think about it"

After that mammon heard nothing, everything around him fell into silence as he fell deep into his head, his thoughts giving him a headache..

And before he knew it he was back into his room..?

Huh..?

He looked around, unsure if he was back in that.. nightmare, or his actual room..

how long has he been spaced out for?

Hearing the voices pf his brothers downstairs.. he relaxed. slouching on his bed with no motivation to change his clothes..

Moving in to the castle.. but really, why?

He doesn't understand why diavolo cared enough to suggest that.. And honestly he doesn't think he'll ever do, but for now..

he really wants to sleep.

Chapter Text

His fingers tugged on his white locks, pulling on them violently.. he couldn't breathe.

It won't stop. stop.. please STOP.

He begged, silently crying out of frustration, his phone rang over and over again..

It rang for hours on end with nothing but cruel words and threats.

Why are they so mean..?

...

Please.. stop..

He's so tired.. He let go of his hair, falling to his back and laying down on the soft mattress underneath him..

He thought..

"can't this be the part where my life gets better?"

It wasn't.. That part will never come..

"I..want to die.."

Die.

Something whispered to him..

do it.

It whispered gently.

It repeated.. "do it", getting louder and more demanding by the second. The voice merging with the ringing of his phone. It wouldn't stop..

"SHUT UP"

Mammon snapped at his phone. He snapped at his head.. he doesn't want to deal with it anymore.

He.. can't fight it anymore.. so he sat up, his legs hanging from the side of the bed as the recording in his phone stopped.

He stood up, his head went quiet.. it was peaceful all of a sudden. Not that he was complaining..

He stopped caring about anything as he walked through the halls of the house of lamentation.. reaching the door.. he will leave this place and return a memory.

He walked through the streets of the devildom, he didn't even bother putting on his shoes.. what good will they do him anyways? He was going to die.

The sounds around him were blocked out, he couldn't hear anything.. He couldn't hear the footsteps behind him.

This is it.

The great mammon had reached the end of his story that would be cut short.

To be forgotten and abandoned forever, ripped pages that had the life he could've lived written with his own blood.

This is the ending he planned for himself.

He stepped foot into the tower, deja vu hit him as the wind brushed against his skin gently..

He's been here before..

Mammon stood at the edge of the roof, not realizing he's climbed over the rail.

He looked at he ground beneath him.. unease and uncertainty filled him, is this.. really how he'll die?

He gulped finally noticing the presence behind him, The person now held onto his arm, grip tight..

Mammon turned to be met with the frowning face of Barbatos.

"Mammon.. please step back from the edge"

Barbatos said, moving cautiously as he tried to pull mammon back but he didn't fail to recognize the resistance from mammon.

"why should i?"

silence followed mammon's voice, Barbatos's eyes narrowed.. he couldn't argue with mammon but he can't..

He can't let him die.

Now.. more than ever.. Barbatos needs to do something.

"Please.. mammon.."

He begs, he tried to pull mammon once more and was met with resistance. He doesn't want to trigger a big reaction from mammon..

One wrong move.. one wrong word and he'll lose him.

"Talk to me, right here. right now.. tell me about everything and anything and I'll listen, just please.. step back" 

The pressure weighting on his shoulders now, Barbatos's voice started to shake, breath hitching..

Mammon looked at him, moon light shimmering in the tears that glossed his blue eyes.

The silence was uncomfortable, it was stressful.. uneasy..the air was suffocating.

Mammon didn't talk,

there's nothing to talk about anymore.

This.. is what he needs to do.

And yet despite the situation.. he laughs.

His laugh breaking the silence as the tears fell, it was an emotionless laugh.

His lips curved upward yet his eyes were deprived of joy, stony in contrast to his laugh that once lifted the saddest of moods.

"You look so.. pressured, I never thought I'll see that expression on your face.. but..

..There's really nothing left to say"

He says as he steps back, Barbatos's hands held into his tightly. But that's not going to stop him..

 There's nothing Barbatos can do now that mammon had surrendered to the clutches of death.

"Barbatos.."

Mammon called,

And Barbatos answered.

"Yes, mammon?"

"Can you.. I left a message to my brothers.. I couldn't.. I wasn't brave enough to send it so can you.. make sure they hear it?"

The white haired fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, no longer looking Barbatos in the eyes.

"I.. you aren't going anywhere mammon.. I think you should be the one to sendi it"

Seeing how insistent Barbatos is.. mammon frowned.

"Please let go" he demanded, but the butler didn't budge.

So mammon attempted to pull his hand away, 

He pushed and struggled, stepping back while yelling at him to let go.

..But Barbatos was not planning to.

"What's.. going on?" A voice spoke from behind them, the two froze.. turning to see who it was, 

"Lucifer.."

..

lucifer stood frozen, unsure of his next move as he analysed the situation..

"Mammon, step over the rail.."

Lucifer stepped closer slowly. The aggressive and desperate expression on mammon's face broke him.

He wasn't stupid.. he knew what was happening. This was the product of his own failure..

Lucifer wasn't blind. He saw how mammon was.. he saw his brother's struggle but he just.. if only he..

..Did anything to change this.

Lucifer heard the door open, he ignored it until diavolo called him urging him to check on mammon..

No they're here.

Taking the second of distraction caused by Lucifer's arrival.. as Barbatos's grip loosened, mammon stepped back..

And fell.

Chapter Text

Everything happened too fast,

or too slow..

He doesn't know, he wouldn't be able to explain what happened..

He was falling, he felt the air surround him.. and he became weightless and light.

And then a second after he was wrapped safely in Lucifer's arms.

He felt his throat tightened as he felt the nausea burn his chest.. he jerked to the side and threw up.

He doesn't know why but the realization that he was about to really die.. and that he failed again felt both relieving and..

.. fucking pathetic.

He wanted to run back to the edge, yet the warmth.. the safety in lucifer's arms and how tightly he held into him,

This is a feeling mammon longed for.

He missed it, he melts into it. Wrapping his arms around lucifer's figure and crying.

He cried, all his pain.. all the loneliness and fear and.. everything that ever felt wrong.

It all poured out as tear dorps. As little crystals forming from his eyes..

It was silent. There were really no words spoken between them but the protectiveness in this embrace.. 

..but it felt nice.. peaceful.

And so he closed his eyes, his sobs became sniffles and hiccups as he felt his body relax.

...

He closes his eyes..the uncomfortable sting slowly disappeared as he drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

The silence in the room was sickining, only the sound of the machines hooked to mammon occasionally Ringing.

He sat beside the bed, mammon's hand in his as he hoped...No.

He prayed for every god he has ever known for his brother to wake up..

..To be safe.

It was stupid really.. he is a fallen angel. A traitor of god. A filthy demon praying to the same god he betrayed.

And he will do it again.. over and over for his brother despite the the gruesome pain that spread across his body, like fire engulfed his every being at the mention of his father's holy name.

But it was worth it.. it was worth the twitch of mammon's finger.

Lucifer snaps out of his thoughts, looking up to see mammon stirring and finally he opened his eyes.

He woke up..

"Mammon.. you're awake" Lucifer sighs out of relief, he feels his tense body calm down and finally he can breathe.

Mammon was disoriented, he couldn't hear anything.. he couldn't remember anything clearly. He felt like his body was paralyzed.

"lay down I will call the doctor" Lucifer said, with quick movements he got to the door and called for a doctor, It took few minutes for one to come.

They checked his vitals, his response and all there is to check.

It took a while for Lucifer to be allowed back into the room. finally, as the doctor steps out of the room, he goes in.

The feeling was beyond what words can express..

he can't.. explain the feeling he felt when he saw mammon sitting on the bed with an exhausted look on his face.

..how his body moved on it own to pull him into a hug.

"Idiot.. what were you thinking" he mumbled, his pride fighting the tears that threatened to fall but that wasn't important..

His pride didn't matter and neither did his tears.

All that mattered now was mammon.

"Im sorry" mammon sobbed, his voice breaking as he whispered.

"No.. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for making you feel like you had to do something like that..

That I wouldn't be there for you and protect you like I promised, mammon."

Lucifer whispered back, holding him tighter fearing that.. If he let his grip loosen up he'll lose everything.
His brother.. his little brother who cried into his chest. His most precious gem.

..His pride.

"I said it before mammon, and I will say it again.. over and over.

I will protect you.. I will protect you and I won't let anyone hurt you.. not even yourself."

Lucifer's words were the sparks of hope that mammon was looking for. He felt at ease knowing that.. maybe..

Just maybe..

.. this is the part where his life gets better.

Chapter Text

It has been a while since all of that happened. Mammon found himself in a better place..

Him and his brothers were a lot closer now. He didn't feel unwanted anymore.. he felt loved.

.. but he still felt stuck.

He entered the castle, he wanted to meet diavolo to talk about things. The latter welcomed him with a smile, motioning for him to sit down.

"You asked to talk to me?" Diavolo asked with a smile as he looks at mammon.

Mammon simply nodded, bringing his legs up to his chest as he looked down.. it takes a minute before he looked up and spokes.

"Why did you.. do all of that? Why did you care so much.."

The words came out of his mouth almost like a mumble. He watched as diavolo's smile disappeared and his expression softened.

"I.. because I love you.." Diavolo admitted. It took him a long time to realize this.. that maybe he's selfish.

"You'd think I'm selfish.. too selfish to let you go because of my feelings"

He says with an apologetic smile, noticing the surprise on mammon's face. His wide eyes and his mouth agape.

"If that was your only question.. I'll excuse myself now." The prince said before standing up and leaving the room.

Barbatos stood behind him, a hand on his chest.

"My lord.. do you think that was the right time?" He asks, watching as diavolo shook his head.

..no..

He doesn't.

.

.

.

Mammon didn't really know what to say or do after the meeting with diavolo..

..why him?

Despite things being better than ever now.. he was loved. He was wanted.. he wasn't helpless anymore..

..he still felt.. empty. Like a part of him isn't full. He didn't understand, why would diavolo love him?.. he always seeked love and attention but.. now that he has it he can't help but wonder

Does he really deserve it?

Is he a good person now? Were they maybe.. pitying him?

..are they nice to him so they wouldn't feel guilt when he kills himself?

His vision was getting blurry, he can hear banging.. frantic knocks and calls for him. The cut on his wrist bled.. it marked everything near it with red.

It was like a blood bath.. he's in his bathroom, the door locked.. all alone as he threw the life he craved for decades away.

He was supposed to be happy.. but he wasn't. Mammon was loved but he didn't love himself.. He didn't see himself as worthy of anything.

It was never the lack of attention and love from his brothers that put him in that situation.. it was him. He craved the love he couldn't give himself..

..

So.. he's fixing the issue.. He closed his eyes.. and everything around him went silent until mammon was no longer.

He died.

Tears and sobs, sounds of grief filled the place as they stood in front of a stone that had his name carved in to be remembered forever.

Mammon morningstar

The brightest star of devildom

It reads..

As the brothers go back home, leaving a piece of them behind in that graveyard. Their phones rang, a new message from their now dead brother..

Confused, the record played.. 

".. I'm.. scared.. it's all out of control. I can't keep living in this mess. I can't do anything.. I can't sleep, I can't eat.. I can barely even breathe..

.. I don't really know what to do anymore so.. I..

..I might not make it home tonight."