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Chapter Text

Hermione

I’m sitting here smiling and laughing and pretending. I’m eating and throwing jokes and they all think I’m okay. I’m so fucking tired of pretending to be okay. Why does no one see that I am constantly on the verge of crying? Why can no one see that I feel so alone and broken, I may not ever be able to get out of the void? These people around me are my friends and they care. I know they care, but they can’t see past the fake smiles. They can’t see that I’m drowning and I desperately need someone, anyone to throw me a life preserver. I need someone to ask me how I’m doing and really mean it. I need someone to ask if I’m okay and know that I’m not. These people know me, but they don’t know how hard it is for me to ask for help. I can’t burden them with my problems. I can’t show them how broken I am unless they can handle it. The only way I will know is if someone asks.

Ron tells a joke and I laugh. I’m drowning. None of this is real. How can I get them to see I’m not okay? There are always tears right behind my eyes. Can’t they see it? It burns my eyes constantly. My throat is always tight. The dam won’t burst though. No, it only bursts when I’m alone, completely alone. I can’t place my burdens on others and that includes the tears. They’ve all been through enough. We’ve all been through enough.

I stood up from the table. I couldn’t sit there any longer. I couldn’t stomach the food on my plate and my throat was starting to close as my eyes burned more fiercely.

“Hermione, where are you going?” Harry laughed looking up at me, still smiling. I pulled on my smile and looked down at the people who loved me.

“Oh, just the library. I wanted to get some studying done,” I replied, shifting my books into my arms.

“Of course, brightest witch of her age,” Ron chuckled, causing the group to nod in agreement. This was expected. I was expected to be smart. It wasn’t an accomplishment. It wasn’t something to be proud of. It was the norm and it was expected. When Ron got an A on an exam, it was a cause for celebration. When I did, no one even took notice. I worked hard and pushed myself. I spent all my time keeping up appearances, but it was only to make sure no one else felt uncomfortable. The brightest witch of her age can’t fall apart. Who would put her friends back together?

I did my best to push back the panic that was consuming me as I rushed to the library. I didn’t even know why I cried anymore. Emotions bubbled up and I didn’t have a choice but to feel them. For so long I was the expert at keeping everything locked away. I didn’t cry. I didn’t feel sad. I kept everyone up and it didn’t affect me. When I had the nagging sense that no one cared or that I was alone, I pushed it in a little box and everything was fine again. Now a single look, a single word, or a single thought could send me into a mental spiral that had me crying in my room on and off for days. Why couldn’t I just be normal like everyone expected? When had I become so weak and unstable?

I tore a random book from the shelf for appearances and then tucked myself into the nook I frequently occupied in the library. It was secluded by a wall of shelves. There was a big window, fireplace, and a few couches and chairs to curl up on. I always chose the armchair closest to the window. It got just the right amount of light and heat from the fireplace.

The library was a public place, so no matter how much I wanted to break down I couldn’t. You can’t fall apart in public. You can’t let anyone see your weakness. A blonde head appeared in between the stacks as I focused on getting a hold of myself. Focusing on the words on the page was pointless when I already had so many words in my mind screaming to be heard. I blinked as the blonde boy I had so many horrible memories of sat in the armchair opposite me and flipped open his own book.

“Quit staring, it’s rude,” the blonde boy, more commonly known as Draco Malfoy or the last free Death Eater mumbled, not bothering to look up from his book.

“What are you doing here?” I asked the shock of his presence briefly, replacing the thoughts in my mind.

“There were no other spots open and this is the best nook anyway,” Draco answered with a nonchalant shrug. Sixth year we had made our peace with each other, but it didn’t stop the interaction from being awkward. I never imagined myself speaking to Draco after the war, much less sharing a study nook with him. I had expected us to avoid each other during our last year at Hogwarts and move on with our lives.

He was probably more messed up than me. He wasn’t afraid to show it too. He had deep circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. Probably nightmares. He looked like he had lost too much weight. Probably stress from his parents and trial. He was pale. Probably from spending his life with his mom who hadn’t left the manor since her trial and visiting his father in Azkaban. He was so obviously falling apart and people cared. I watched his friends walk with him in the halls shooting each other concerned glances as they carried his things for him. I watched them push more onto his plate when he wasn’t eating enough. I knew they asked him about his parents and helped him with his homework. He was broken and people cared. People wanted to help him heal. What did he have that I didn’t? What made people look at him and truly see him? It felt like the real Hermione had been covered in an invisibility cloak that was impossible to remove.

“You could at least pretend to read,” Draco scoffed, still not looking up from his book. I was glad he didn’t. His eyes had always intimidated me. I let my eyes fall on my own book. Hogwarts, A History- a book I had read one too many times.

Chapter Text

Hermione

It’s easy to pretend you’re fine when you have distractions. There are certain times in the day that the distractions outweigh the screaming in my brain. When I keep myself busy and surrounded by people with voices louder than mine, I find that I can’t hear anything in my head anymore. I can turn that part of my brain off when I’m with other people. Not always. Sometimes the thoughts seep in even when I think I’m distracted, but most of the time.

“Harry has really been a shitty boyfriend lately,” Ginny huffed as we sat out on the grounds. Sunlight helped. Well, I told myself it helped. It was just another way to trick my mind for a few more minutes. Exercise and get outside. That’s what a mind healer would tell me to do anyway. Maybe stop being dramatic.

“Why?” I asked leaning back on my elbows and keeping my eyes trained on my friend. If my eyes didn’t wander, my mind couldn’t either.

“He has been spending all his time with Ron,” Ginny huffed. “I swear those two are off fucking around on the quidditch pitch more than me and I’m the bloody captain.”

“Have you talked to him about it?” I asked curiously. Giving advice was something I was good at. Giving advice was a good distraction that made me feel useful. It made me feel like a good friend. People trusted me and said they loved me. Why couldn’t they see behind my eyes?

“No, I just don’t want to be the nagging girlfriend, you know?” Ginny asked. “We just went through a war. I can’t push too much.”

“Maybe it’s his way of coping. He’s spending his time with the one person who was there for him during everything,” I answered thoughtfully. “Ron was with him during the search for horcruxes and maybe being around him makes him feel safe.”

“You were there too,” Ginny shot back. It was true. I was there too.

“Yeah, but I’m a girl. They’re probably closer…”

“No, Harry told me he has always been closer with you,” Ginny interrupted. That didn’t make me feel better. Harry was close with me. He treated me like family. We spent weeks alone in tents and freezing cold weather together. He still didn’t know me. He still didn’t see me for who I really was. He only saw the golden girl, he didn’t see Hermione- the broken mess clawing desperately for a hand to hold on to. I loved Harry. I did. But I couldn’t tell Harry what I was feeling. I couldn’t tell Ginny or Ron either. You can tell your friends things. You can hint to the idea that you’re struggling, but you can’t tell them that you feel like their friendship is fake, that their claims of caring are meaningless. You can’t tell them that you cry yourself to sleep every night wishing someone could patch the hole in your heart. It felt like it grew wider every day.

“Maybe you should talk to him, Ginny. If it’s bothering you, he should know. He’s your boyfriend and I’m sure he would hate to know that you’re feeling ignored. He probably just missed having normal time with Ron, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind spending some normal time with you too.”

“I just don’t want him to get pissed,” Ginny groaned.

“He loves you Gin. No way he would be mad about you wanting to spend more time with him,” I answered with a laugh. I knew Harry and I saw the way he looked at Ginny. He loved her so much and despite my own feelings, I was happy for them. Harry and Ginny both deserved to be happy.

“You’re right,” Ginny nodded. “I love him too and it’s worth whatever if I get to spend more time with him.”

I just nodded not knowing what else to say. I solved the problem, at least for now. What now? What could keep me distracted now?

“When are you going to find someone Hermione?” Ginny pouted. “I mean obviously not my brother, we’ve already determined he’s not smart enough for you, but you deserve to settle down with someone too. Has anyone caught your eyes?”

“I’m not really ready to settle down right now anyway,” I said quickly. I hated this conversation. How had I gotten sucked into this conversation so many times? “I want to get through this year and figure out what I’m doing after Hogwarts. I can’t get attached to someone if I’m just going to end up going in the opposite direction as them.”

“Do you know what you’re doing yet?” Ginny asked, causing my stomach to churn. I hadn’t thought about it at all. All I wanted was to disappear. I didn’t want to keep up this façade or these constant standards. I just wanted to sink into the ground and never worry about anything again. I was tired at only nineteen. If nineteen years had sucked the life out of me, how could I go another seventy?

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “There’s just so many options.”

“This is like the one time it’s bad to be so good at everything you do,” Ginny chuckled. I just gave a smile that didn’t feel genuine. I didn’t want to be good at everything anymore. It wasn’t nearly as easy as it sounded.

“I still think you should get a boyfriend, even if it’s just for the few months we have left here,” Ginny smiled. “You could just have a bit of fun.”

There were so many things I couldn’t tell her. So many reasons I couldn’t just have fun. My mind was in such a deep hole that it was impossible for me to even consider bringing another person in my life. I couldn’t have another person relying on me, pretending to care about me, and creating expectations for me. Just another person I had to put on my façade around. As soon as a guy found out just how fucked up my mind really was, they would run for the hills screaming. I didn’t trust any guy to know my secrets and not share them with everyone. I was Hermione Granger and any information about me was valuable. Reporters would eat each other alive for the chance to print that the brightest witch of her age had a self-sabotaging brain.

“I just need to focus on my studies,” I replied and Ginny gave a knowing smile. That was the right reply. That eased the worry that sometimes grew in her eyes.

Chapter Text

Hermione

Being alone in the dark is where it was the worst. Trying to go to sleep always seemed impossible as the never ending thoughts flashed through my mind. I was thankful to have a room alone this year, solely for the purposes of my breakdowns.

I was the head girl this year. It was no surprise to anyone even though it was proof of my high marks and spotless reputation. I worked hard for seven years to have the top grades and keep myself and my friends out of trouble, but no one even seemed to bat an eye at the achievement.

The head boy on the other hand had received many congratulations throughout the first few weeks of our position. Theo Knott was a fairly quiet man, who had done his best to succeed in school despite his circumstances. His father had been one of the first to be arrested in the Death Eater trials and he was the first to be sentenced to death. At the trial and sentencing Theo had been in the stands, and he didn’t even bat an eye. I was impressed by his dedication to his school work and good reputation despite everything he had gone through. I wasn’t blind to when other people deserved praise and I never hesitated to give it. I had been sincere in my first conversation with Theo in the head boy and girl dorms. I had told him that I held nothing from the past seven years against him. I applauded him for his dedication and his new found position. He was friendly as well, but stayed reserved. We didn’t speak much unless necessary. I didn’t really have the capacity for another friend at the moment anyway. I needed to fix myself before I attempted to befriend and support another person.

Theo didn’t spend much time in the dorm, opting to spend time with his Slytherin friends. I didn’t mind it at all. It let me spend time in the common room by the fire letting my mind run in circles.

The best place to break down though, was my bed. Once the lights went off, it was like my mind came to life. Every aspect of the day and the past seven years seemed to pass through my mind.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Ginny’s insistence that I get a boyfriend. It didn’t seem like anyone understood why I didn’t have one. For the past seven years I had been considered undesirable by everyone. I had big teeth and bushy hair. I couldn’t do makeup or figure out how to dress “like a girl”. I was too eager to answer questions in class and too focused on my studies. Guys hadn’t paid any interest in me in the past seven years. Despite everything we had gone through in those years, nothing had changed in the love department. Guys still wanted nothing to do with me.

It wasn’t just that guys paid me no mind, I had so many things to work out within myself that I knew I wouldn’t be a good girlfriend as I was now. So often I found myself needing to be completely alone for days on end. I knew a boyfriend would not appreciate being ignored for days on end seemingly at random. They also wouldn’t appreciate my consistent breakdowns. I couldn’t stop myself from crying anymore and just about anything could bring it on. No guy wants to deal with someone so unstable. No guy wants to deal with a girl constantly crying for no reason.

It wasn’t just my mental breakdowns though. It was a whole host of other reasons too. I had never had a boyfriend, and physical intimacy was something I was completely unfamiliar and uncomfortable with. I was terrified of the idea of being close with another person. Dating someone was dangerous. Breakups happen so regularly and it would be so easy for an ex to go around and talk about how awkward I was with intimacy or how broken my mind was. All my secrets could be revealed by letting another person in. That thought terrified me into keeping myself away from the idea of a relationship. I couldn’t let anyone in like that. I couldn’t trust anyone with my secrets. A guy didn’t want a girl who wouldn’t let him in either. A guy didn’t want a girl who may never be comfortable doing anything intimate. It would take years for me to feel safe with another person that way.

I didn’t even trust my friends with my problems. I had known them for years. I had been in the absolute worst situations with them. If even they didn’t know me well enough to know something was seriously wrong, there was no way a guy I had known for just a few weeks or months or even years would be able to really see me.

I was alone and I would continue to be alone because I couldn’t let anyone in and no one seemed to notice or care. In the darkness of my room, I let the tears slip down my cheeks mourning the happiness I used to feel. This was as much my fault as anyone else’s. It was my own fucked up mind that prevented me from getting the support I needed. I wished I could be okay. I wished more than anything I could be okay like everyone else. I wished I wasn’t so tired and so emotional. I wished everything didn’t feel so hard all the time.

I just wanted to turn off the lights without having to worry about tears soaking my pillow each night. I just wanted a peaceful night’s sleep.

Chapter Text

Draco

I kept myself quiet all day. I didn’t comment on the fact that a specific set of curls wasn’t seen at breakfast. I even managed to keep my panic at bay when they didn’t appear at lunch. My incessant leg bouncing was the only clue to my distress at the missing girl. At dinner though, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. 

“Theo,” I whispered, leaning towards my closest friend, who was piling his plate unworriedly. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, turning away from his mountain of food and giving me his full attention. People had been doing that a lot since the war. Anytime I had something to say, I got their full attention- eyes filled with worry and always slightly nervous. People were waiting for me to crack and fall apart. I had been dealt a pretty shitty hand there was no denying that. But, my parents loved me and protected me as much as they could. A lot of people had gone through a lot more. Not to mention my mother was an amazing occlumens . She taught me how to organize my emotions and keep them from exploding onto the surface. I could handle myself, but people really didn’t believe that. I just hoped eventually the looks may fade. 

“Have you seen your fellow head girl today?” I asked in a whisper. Theo was the only one to know about my small obsession with the Golden Girl. I had always taken notice of her big curls, bright smile, and eager eyes. As a child I had gone about my little crush in all the wrong ways and now I was condemned to a life of secret pining. She had forgiven me for a lot during our sixth year, but I also knew that was in a moment where we both thought we would not make it out of the war alive. Now, when we had to face each other in a post war life, things were awkward and stunted and I didn’t know if that forgiveness still stood. 

“No, it’s the weekend,” Theo shrugged. 

“She hasn’t come to any meal today,” I replied. “The elves haven’t made any extra food either.”

“Oh Draco,” Theo chuckled, patting my shoulder. “My lovesick dragon. I will check on her after dinner.” 

I noticed the difference in Hermione after the war. She was good at pretending. She had fooled everyone in the castle that she was the same bookish and eager young girl teachers had come to love. I saw it in her eyes though, the once brightest witch of our age was nowhere near okay. I didn’t know exactly what was going on in her mind, but I knew she was hardly swimming anymore, she was doing her best to keep her nose above water. 

I did what I could to keep an eye on her. I watched her in class- noticing the lack of excitement in her eyes when she answered a question correctly. I checked that she made it down for meals and spoke with her friends. I had even managed to sit in the same study nook as her in the library. She hadn’t read a single word of the book I knew gave her comfort. 

“I’ll let you know the status of your girlfriend tomorrow. We’re still going to Hogsmeade right?” Theo asked with a grin. He had been dying to get some sweets and a butterbeer. He hadn’t stopped talking about it for a week straight. 

“Yes, we’re still going to Hogsmeade,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “I need to get a new scarf before winter anyway. It’s already getting cold and I lost my last one.” 

Theo just gave me a nod, slipped a roll onto my plate and then turned back to his own. I was always getting fed. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

Thank God it was the weekend. I finally had the chance to lock myself in my room with no disruptions. I gave the flimsy but believable excuse of studying and getting ahead on homework, so I wouldn’t have my friends worrying or bothering me.

I wasn’t really going to be studying though. My mind couldn’t focus on convoluted texts that made my brain hurt and my tired eyes burn. I used my weekends to stay tucked in bed with a muggle book. I had found myself turning to muggle fiction as an escape from the constant spinning of my mind and the horrors of the magical world. I consumed at least two books every weekend, spending hours and hours on end in bed without moving. I knew it wasn’t healthy, but it was my only solace. It was my only break.

The weekends were never my finest moment and I was glad I lived in the head dorm because no one could come to bother me or see me. I didn’t change, I didn’t get out of bed, and most days I didn’t eat. I could survive a solid twenty four hours with nothing more than a few crackers especially if I spent my whole day in bed. It was easy to ignore the hunger when I could just take a nap instead.

A knock on my door pulled me from the book I was currently reading. It was still Saturday, that much I knew. There was no reason anyone should be knocking on my door. I didn’t need to do rounds and all emergencies went to the headmistress on the weekends.

“Hermione, I’m going to need some confirmation that you’re alive in there,” Theo’s voice rang through the door. Why did he need to know I was alive? Everyone knew I wanted to be alone on the weekend. No one worried when I disappeared to study.

“I’m fine,” I replied looking back down at my book hoping that would ease Theo’s worries. Suddenly the door came slamming open and a boy in a bundle of black and green robes came crashing onto my bed.

“What is happening? What are you doing?” I asked, trying to blink myself back into reality. My book was plucked from my hands as I attempted to sit up. Theo flipped the pages with a mischievous grin.

“Well, you realize you missed all three meals today and not a single house elf has come to deliver you any food, right?” He asked, setting the book on his lap with a sense of finality. Theo was watching me a lot more closely than I suspected. I didn’t like that.

“Why are you keeping track of my meal schedule?” I asked, crossing my arms defensively.

“Oh no, I’m not keeping track. I am checking solely based on concerns voiced by others,” Theo said with a chuckle. “It seems you have people that are a bit worried about your lack of appearances in the Great Hall.”

I scrunched my nose in confusion. My friends knew I was studying. They had never asked questions before. The teachers didn’t keep track of who came and went at each meal. Who the hell was voicing concerns and why hadn’t they brought it up to me? Why couldn’t anyone actually ask if I was okay and mean it? Why was my dorm mate barging into my room at the request of someone else?

“I spend my weekends studying,” I replied. “I like to be left alone.”

“This isn’t studying,” Theo smirked, holding the book up to me. I snatched it out of his hand and placed it on my bedside table.

“I was reading before I went to bed,” I said in an attempt to justify the shitty fiction sitting on my table.

“It’s 8pm on a Saturday night,” Theo said with a shake of his head. “You weren’t planning on going to bed anytime soon.”

“What do you want from me Theo?” I asked, crossing my arms. “I’m alive, wasn’t that your only goal in barging in here?”

“It originally was,” Theo nodded. “I was here because other people expressed concern. However, now I’m a little concerned too.”

“You have no reason to be,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I don’t even know who is expressing concern anyway. It’s not like anyone has ever told me that they were worried before. I’m fine, so you can go share that with whoever is pretending to care.”

“What the hell is wrong with you Hermione?” Theo asked, suddenly annoyed, most likely due to my own outburst. “I don’t know why you’re so shocked that people are concerned. I mean you’ve spent the entire day in your room, it looks like you haven’t gotten out of bed, you haven’t eaten, and you lied to your friends about what you were doing. I think that all is cause for concern, especially for people who care about you. Why is it suddenly a surprise?”

I bit my lip letting my mind swirl before the frustration took over. “I already told you Theo, not one person has told me they were concerned. Why would I assume people are concerned? I’m fine,” I huffed. If I was going to tell anyone how fucked up I was, it definitely wasn’t going to be Theo Knott. Just because we had resolved our issues from prior years didn’t mean we were close or friends.

“You’re telling me the Weasels and Scar Head haven’t asked why you haven’t shown up for a single meal?” Theo asked, crossing his arms.

“No, so if my closest friends aren’t worried, you shouldn’t be either,” I replied just wanting Theo to leave. Why couldn’t my actual friends who I loved and trusted be this persistent?

“Fine. I’ll leave you to read because it’s late and you’ve already burned away the day. Tomorrow though, you can come to Hogsmeade with me and Draco. I don’t really care if you two don’t get along, you’re not missing another three meals and wasting your day away in this bed.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but Theo just shook a finger at me and smirked. “See you tomorrow,” he said before walking out of my room and closing the door behind him. What the fuck?

Chapter Text

Hermione

“Hermione Granger, get your ass out here!” Theo’s voice called from outside my door. I had always labeled Theo as quiet and shy. Apparently, I couldn’t have been more wrong. His voice seemed to be just as loud as the Howler’s Draco got in the great hall every morning before mail started being delivered to our rooms.

“Come on Granger we need to get breakfast!” Theo continued to yell. I had a feeling he wasn’t going to stop until I was standing in front of him ready to go eat breakfast. I got ready quickly, opting for muggle clothes instead of robes. Ever since the war I found myself slipping back into my muggle ways more and more. The idea of disappearing into the muggle world after graduating and snapping my wand was all too appealing.

“Finally, I’m starving,” Theo huffed when I opened the door.

“We don’t even sit at the same table, you didn’t have to wait for me,” I replied, rolling my eyes.

“Yes I did. You probably would have stayed locked in your room again all day today, if I didn’t make you get up. You promised you would come to Hogsmeade with Draco and me.”

“I didn’t promise anything,” I answered. The thought of Ron or Harry finding out about my plans was going to cause chaos. It was a horrible idea.

“Too late, you can’t back out now,” Theo smirked.

“I don’t know Theo…” I said nervously. It was one thing for me to spend time with Theo. He was head boy so I could blame it on that. Including Draco though, that was a whole other story.

“No one else is going. Your friends won’t find out you’re hanging out with Slytherin scum if that’s what you’re worried about,” Theo said leading me to the door.

“Don’t play that card with me,” I huffed. “You know I don’t believe that bullshit, so don’t say that shit to me.”

“Then you don’t have a problem with going to Hogsmeade with Draco and me,” Theo shrugged nonchalantly.

“Whatever,” I huffed, crossing my arms. I couldn’t very well assume that my friends were racist and elitist just like the death eaters, so I really couldn’t use them as an excuse not to go. Theo gave me a satisfied smirk before leading me to the Great Hall. 

“What exactly are we going to Hogsmeade for?” I asked as a way to ease my nerves and spinning mind. 

“I need a butterbeer and some sweets. Draco wants to get a new scarf. I’m sure you need a new book,” Theo shrugged. I just nodded as the doors opened and we were greeted with the sound of our classmates chattering and the smell of maple syrup and hot chocolate. 

“We’ll meet you by the entrance after breakfast,” Theo said with a wink before walking towards his own table.

“Hermione! Thought you were spending the weekend studying?” Ginny grinned, patting my shoulder. “Have you come to join us for a quidditch scrimmage?”

“No, I am planning to study. I just wanted to come down and get some breakfast. You know I would be horrible at any type of quidditch scrimmage anyway,” I laughed in an attempt to ease any worries. 

“Flying is the one class Hermione struggled to pass,” Ron chuckled loudly. The group easily fell into conversation about their first times flying and their first quidditch events. I laughed at the right times and kept a pleasant smile as I picked at the food filling my plate. I kept to the edges of the conversation knowing that no one would worry if they were focused on other things. No one would ask about my plans for the day if they were too absorbed with their own plans. 

Chapter Text

Draco

Theo plopped down next to me with an unusual pep in his step. He had a ridiculous smile that just told me he was up to something. 

“Did you happen to see who came down to breakfast with me today?” He asked giddily. My eyes instantly flitted to the Gryffindor table. It was something that was becoming more and more of a habit. Hermione sat at the table pushing around the food on her plate. I could tell she hadn’t taken a bite yet. She was smiling at something Harry was saying, but it didn’t quite meet her eyes. I hadn’t seen a smile meet her eyes since we had been back at Hogwarts. 

“She’s not eating,” I mumbled more to myself than anyone else. Theo let out a little chuckle from beside me. In the time I had been focused on the Golden Girl, he had finished an entire plate of food. 

“Well, I got her down here and I may have done something else too,” Theo replied, causing me to pull my eyes from Hermione. 

“What do you mean?” I asked, sipping my coffee. Our fourth year, after watching Hermione one too many times at breakfast and in the library, I had been tempted to try the tea-like drink that had the most addicting smell. Coffee was a muggle drink and none of my friends had ever heard of it. They all thought I was strange for drinking it, but with the right amount of cream and sugar it tasted so much better than tea and it reminded me of the bushy haired girl I wasn’t allowed to be friends with. The habit stuck and Hermione didn’t even know. 

“I mean, I went to talk to her last night and ended up inviting her to come to Hogsmeade with us today,” Theo shrugged like it was the most normal thing in the world. My heart rate immediately spiked at the idea of Hermione walking around the cobblestone streets and tucking herself into a dark booth with the two of us. 

“What? She agreed to come?” I asked, feeling shocked. No way in hell Hermione would agree to go to Hogsmeade with two Slytherins. 

“Well I mean I didn’t give her a choice,” Theo chuckled. “I know I always give you a hard time for watching her so closely and being so fucking whipped for her, but after really seeing her yesterday, you have a right to be concerned. I don’t think anyone else is watching her like you are. Definitely not Scarhead or The Weasels.”

“She’s not the same,” I answered almost immediately. “That doesn’t mean we should force her to come to Hogsmeade with us. She hardly knows us and she definitely doesn’t like us.”

“Please,” Theo said, rolling his eyes. “We have both had conversations with her about forgiveness. Hermione is still a Gryffindor and her word is good. If she has a problem with us she would make it evident.”

“Yeah, I guess I just don’t get why you are invested in her now too,” I said. For years I had annoyed Theo with comments about Hermione. I knew how many times she raised her hand in class. What she wore to the great hall for dinner. When she got in fights with Potter and Weasley, and would disappear into the library I always went to go check on her. She never knew it and most of my friends didn’t know it, but I trusted Theo with that secret. He gave me a hard time about it, but he never judged me. He had always been like a brother in that way. I could trust him to call me out on my shit, but he would always have my back. I was a little worried the only reason Theo was pretending to care now was because he was worried about me. Everyone was so fucking concerned about me. I knew why- my mom was a basketcase and my dad was locked in Azkaban. I had gone through a lot of work and I had consistent nightmares, but that didn’t mean that I needed to be coddled. I was going to be okay and I just needed people to see and accept that and treat me like they always did. 

“I saw her yesterday. She hadn’t gotten out of bed the entire day. She was in her pajamas, her hair looked like it used to when we were kids. She wasn’t studying, she was reading some muggle book. I mean not that there’s anything wrong with that, but she was supposed to be studying. She hadn’t eaten anything. She lied to me about the fact that she wasn’t studying and got defensive when I asked questions. She said her friends don’t worry about her, so I shouldn’t either. She really isn’t okay and her friends don’t give a fuck, so I guess I figured somebody needs to.”

I glanced up at the girl I had managed to memorize from afar. She had managed to finish her eggs during the conversation I was having with Theo. The rest of the Gryffindor table was so engrossed in whatever conversation they were having that they had managed to completely cut Hermione out. They weren’t even attempting to include her with questions or even glances. No one was paying attention to Hermione. Hermione wasn’t even bothering to act like she was listening anymore. I could see the thoughts flying through her mind as she stared at her plate. She had always thought too much, but she used to share her thoughts. She used to raise her hand and share every single thought during class and now she only answered a few questions each class for the purpose of appearance. I used to complain about her incessant hand raising and conversations, but now I missed it. I missed the excitement she used to have about everything. I missed the innocence that used to fill her eyes. She wasn’t naive or innocent anymore and she had lost whatever joy she used to have. It was so evident and I didn’t understand why her friends weren’t concerned. 

“She has no idea how lucky she is that you care about her,” I said honestly. “I think she really needs a friend like you.”

“She needs you,” Theo shrugged. “She doesn’t know it yet, but that’s why she’s coming with us today. She needs you, so we need to ease her into that.”

I just nodded. I didn’t know if she really would benefit from being associated with me. My life was a mess and people either loved me or wanted me dead. My reputation was destroyed and being associated with me wasn’t going to help her reputation at all. It wasn’t like I was great with emotions either, so I didn’t know exactly how I could help her. Theo though, he just knew what to say and do. He just got it and I knew Hermione needed someone like that. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

Standing at the big wooden door I felt sick with nerves. I knew all of my friends were going to be way too busy with their quidditch scrimmage to worry about how I was spending my day, but it didn’t stop my palms from sweating. I hadn’t spent any time with Draco in a friendly capacity. What if we ended up falling back into our old ways? Theo was nice enough, but we also weren’t really friends. The idea of spending extended time with these people I barely knew and had plenty of awful experiences with was making my stomach churn. I knew that we had gotten over those things in the past, but that was all before the war, at least Draco and me. I really had forgiven him and we hadn’t had any run-ins or horrible conversations this year, but it was still nerve wracking. 

“Hermione darling,” Theo grinned, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “You remember Malfoy of course?”

“Hello Granger,” Malfoy said with a small nod. He didn’t look miserable which was reassuring. 

“Hi,” I said, my voice small. Of course they were both going to know I was nervous. Hopefully they were just as oblivious as the rest of the people at this school. 

“Are you both ready to go?” Theo asked with a big goofy grin. “I say we get our shopping out of the way first and then grab a butterbeer before we head back.”

“Sure, um remind me where we need to go,” I said, stepping away so Theo’s arm fell off my shoulder. 

“We need to go to Honeydukes, Draco needs a new scarf, and you need a new book. I figured after Honeydukes you and Draco could go do your errands together because I want to go to Zonkos and neither of you have a sense of humor,” Theo said, causing my stomach to flip. 

“Okay,” I said weakly. 

“Great, let's get out of here,” Theo said, leading us to the apparition point as Draco stayed quiet. When we got to Hogsmeade, I felt a little bit of panic. I hadn’t been back since the war. There was plenty of construction going on and it was like a constant reminder of war. I found myself chewing on the inside of my cheek in an attempt to quell my nerves and racing thoughts. 

“What do you desperately need at Honeydukes?” Draco asked Theo and I jumped a bit when I realized how close he was to me. Somehow during the apparition he had ended up so close our shoulders were touching. 

“One of everything,” Theo chuckled. “I swear the elves are limiting our sugar intake this year. I need my own stash.”

“You really have a ridiculous sweet tooth,” Draco chuckled. It was strange seeing him interact with his friend in such a normal way. I knew Draco as the boy who tormented me through school, the ex deatheater, the boy who saved us despite the danger. I didn’t know such a normal version of Draco existed and it was definitely going to be something to get used to. 

“Fuck off I know you’re getting a sack of Bertie Bott’s,” Theo scoffed leading us to the familiar sweets shop. He immediately disappeared within the shelves of sweets and I found myself forced to follow Draco as he slowly moved towards the wall of Bertie Bott’s. 

“Are you getting anything,” he asked, not bothering to turn from the sack he was filling as I hovered behind him. 

“No, I don’t think so,” I said, crossing my arms. 

“Not even a chocolate frog? I swear you used to be obsessed with them,” Draco chuckled. How did he know that during my first three years at Hogwarts my bag had a constant supply of chocolate frogs? It was my memory that those were the years he truly hated me the most. Why did he know my candy of choice?

“No, um I don’t really like them anymore,” I lied. The truth was after I opened a chocolate frog and found my own picture staring back at me, I refused to open another chocolate frog.

“Maybe you need to switch it up and try something fruity,” Draco said, pulling out another sack and filling it to the brim before moving to the register. He bought both bags and then placed one in my hand. “They’re addicting,” he said with a smirk. 

“Oh, thank you,” I said looking down at the full bag. I felt my cheeks redden a bit at the sentiment. Before we could say anything else Theo was heaving a big basket onto the counter. 

“Well at least I know the head dorm will be well stocked if I ever need a sweet,” Draco chuckled as we waited for the cashier to put the sweets into a bottomless bag. I shoved the sweets bag I had gotten into my beaded purse.

“Too bad you can’t get in there,” Theo huffed while taking his bag. “Now you two go have fun at the lame shops. I’ll meet you at Three Broomsticks in an hour.”

“Do you want to go to the bookstore or the clothing shop first?” Draco asked, turning to look down at me. 

“I don’t actually need to go to the bookstore,” I admitted sheepishly. “Theo just I guess was trying to give me an excuse to come.”

“Well I wouldn’t mind getting a new book,” Draco shrugged. “I’m sick of reading school shit all the time.”

I just nodded, not wanting to spill to him that homework and intellectual texts no longer interested me. Hermione Granger loved homework and learning, that couldn’t change. 

“Do you ever get tired of it?” Draco asked as we walked across the street. 

“Of what?” I asked, looking up at him. I was surprised to find him looking down at me, and I swear it was the first time since the war that I felt like someone really wanted to see me.

“Being ‘the brightest witch of our age’?” Draco asked, causing my stomach to plummet to my feet. What the hell was going on? Could he see into my brain? As much as I wanted to confide in someone, I knew it couldn’t be Draco. Even though he was asking, I just knew he didn’t really care. I also knew he was going through a lot of his own shit and even though he had people supporting him, he didn’t need more on his plate. 

“It’s just who I am,” I shrugged. “I like to study and learn and somehow I got the title because of it.” Everything that I was saying was so far from the truth. It broke my heart to put up further walls. It was so hard keeping yourself so closed off from every single person. 

“I know we’re not close,” Draco said scratching the back of his neck before pulling the door open for me. 

“Thank you,” I whispered, waiting for what else he had to say. 

“Yeah, um anyway I know we’re not close,” Draco said, leading me to the scarves. “I know you have your own friends too, but if you ever feel like that’s not who you are any more I’ll understand. I know a thing or two about changing because of the war. I’m still an ex-death eater even though that’s never who I was.” 

Draco was casually browsing through the collection of scarves as he spoke, but his words were so impactful that I could feel the lump in my throat and the burning in my eyes. Fuck. 

“Thank you, that really means a lot,” I said my throat tight. “I hope you know that I don’t see you as the same. I can’t say I know the new you, but I’m trying.”

“I see that and I appreciate it,” Draco replied before pulling a scarf from the pile. It was a black wool scarf with a single green stripe on the ends. 

“What do you think? I have to find one my mother would approve of,” Draco said, staring at the scarf like it was a complex problem he couldn’t figure out. I tilted my head looking at the simple scarf and gave a shrug. 

“I don’t know what your mother’s standards are, but I think it looks perfectly fine,” I replied. “I think it will keep you warm.” 

“That’s what I need,” Draco nodded and moved to the register. My brain was still stuck on our prior conversation. Draco did a good job of keeping it casual and natural. He made it into something that wasn’t a big deal. He made it seem like it was okay if I didn’t want to be Hermione Granger- golden girl and brightest witch. That wasn’t true though. It wouldn’t be okay. None of my friends would accept that. No teacher would appreciate that. The social structure of Hogwarts may actually crumble. I couldn’t fall apart. I couldn’t change. 

That comment though and that question made it really seem like he saw me. It was the first time anyone acknowledged that it was okay to change because of the war. Did he already see that I had changed or was he just projecting his feelings onto me? Either way he was open and vulnerable even if just for a few moments. He was expected to be someone he wasn’t too and for much longer than I ever had. I had known that though well before the war. I was the only one in our trio willing to acknowledge that. That’s why I had forgiven Draco so early on in the war. That’s why we were okay now. 

Maybe someday I would be able to say we were friends. 

Chapter Text

Draco

Watching Hermione Granger in a bookstore is an experience everyone should have in their life. It is a magic that no one in the wizarding world could imitate. I could see the stress and anxiety literally leaving her body as she stepped inside. It was like the smell of books brought back the light in her eyes. 

“Okay, what are you looking for?” Hermione asked after taking a moment to take it in. Right, we were apparently here for me. I needed to make something up. I needed her to know that I supported whatever she was interested in. I needed her to know that when she was ready to talk I was going to be there for her. 

“Um, I think I want to try a muggle book,” I told her. That was what she read on the weekends apparently. “Have any good suggestions?”

“Of course,” she laughed and it was actually genuine. She had confidence and joy in this bookstore and I never wanted to leave. I followed her to a bookshelf in the back corner obsessed with the idea that she knew the layout of the bookstore so well. Within seconds Hermione had a stack of books and was giving long-winded explanations of both the pros and cons of all the books. I could have listened to her forever. She was so excited and invested. After a good five minutes of talking her cheeks went red and her face fell a little as she set the books down. 

“I’m sorry. You don’t care about all of this. I’ll just let you read the summaries…”

I was the one who had made fun of her for years on end. I was the reason she was self-conscious right now and I had never hated myself more. 

“No no, I need help picking a book. I know nothing about muggle books and I want to pick the good ones. You’re the expert here, so please enlighten me.”

“Well if it gets too much or you get bored just let me know because I can talk too much sometimes,” she said looking at the stack of books. 

“Promise I’ll let you know,” I replied. I hated that she was so self-conscious. I hated that she thought I wouldn’t care. I listened to her talk as she picked up each book and stroked it gently. Eventually, she took a breath and finally seemed to acknowledge the world around her again. 

“So what book do you think is best for you?” She asked. 

“I’ve taken everything you’ve said into consideration, but you didn’t answer the one question I have,” I said, causing Hermione to look at me like I had grown two heads. I knew she was thinking she had covered all her bases. She was very diligent. 

“What?”

“Which one is your favorite?” I smirked. She closed her eyes in defeat trying to hide a smile. 

“This one,” she replied, handing me a book from the middle of the stack with a flowery cover. 

“Then I’ll get this one,” I replied with a nod of certainty. “Now come on, Theo is probably waiting.”

After getting my book we walked over to Three Broomsticks. Theo was already sitting in a booth with an empty glass of butterbeer. I knew we were running late, but I wasn’t going to stop Hermione when she was actually having fun. 

“I expected you to be late Draco, but Hermione I expected more from you!” Theo said dramatically. 

“It was my fault we were in the bookstore and…”

“Oh Hermione, you don’t have to apologize. I’m just glad I have someone else to babysit this asshole now,” Theo said, cutting her off. 

We were each given a full mug of butterbeer as Theo pulled out his bag from Zonkos to show us his new toys. Hermione humored him by asking questions and reacting in all the right ways. She seemed good. For the first time since we had been back at Hogwarts, she was actually fully invested in a conversation. Her mind wasn’t moving a mile a minute and the laughs and smiles were genuine. 

“Okay I have a confession but you can’t get me in trouble because we’re not on school grounds,” Theo stage whispered a dopey grin on his face. I already knew what he was going to confess based on his actions, but Hermione seemed to be clueless. She nodded her head but looked a little worried. 

“I spiked my butterbeer,” he said, causing Hermione to let out a loud laugh. It wasn’t the reaction either of us had been expecting. Despite the fact that I knew Hermione was different I was still so used to the rule-following girl I had always known. 

“I’ll have to try that sometime,” Hermione said, shaking her head.

“You drink?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

“I mean I have, but Ron and Harry prefer fire whiskey and I really don’t like it. It burns. I think I would like a spiked butterbeer because it’s sweeter,” Hermione replied. 

“Interesting, I would love to see you drunk,” Theo chuckled. 

“Well it won’t happen at school, especially not as head girl,” Hermione said with a shake of her head and it reminded me so much of the old her. 

“You know I think it’s bullshit that we were forced to come back and I think it’s even stupider that we have to follow all the rules even though we’re adults,” Theo stage whispered to us. I knew Theo’s feelings about the eighth-year mandate and I held similar feelings. As much as I enjoyed learning and my time at Hogwarts, I didn’t want to come back. The war had soured my memories of the castle and I was no longer welcomed in the way I used to be. It was awkward and cold and lonely. Theo felt much the same way. The Slytherins tended to keep to themselves especially now that everyone assumed a Slytherin was an ex-death eater. 

“Ron and Harry didn’t want to come back either,” Hermione admitted. “They want to get started with their lives. They feel like taking classes and tests is pointless after everything.” 

“And what do you think, Miss Hermione?” Theo asked with a raised eyebrow. I was very interested in the answer. I was interested in whether we would get the truth. 

“I was excited. I thought it might help to come back, but now I feel like it might have made it worse,” she said looking down at the table. “They’re changing the rules, you know? If you can pass your exams after this term you don’t have to come back.”

“I heard,” I nodded. I had seriously considered it, but for some reason knowing what Hermione was planning mattered to me. 

“Ron and Harry are going to try. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet,” Hermione admitted. 

“Neither do I,” I nodded 

“I think I might try,” Theo said leaning back after polishing off his last sip of butterbeer. I knew Theo was sick of school. He got good grades and he was smart enough to move on. Hermione was too and I knew I could pass. The question was, were we ready to move on?

Chapter Text

Hermione

No one at Hogwarts suspected a thing when I arrived at breakfast and to my classes the next day. They had no idea that I spent an entire day feeling like I might actually be able to be myself around people I hardly knew- people I used to hate and my friends still did. The world seemed different with that realization. The world felt a little warmer knowing that there might be other people out there than the ones who I so desperately wanted to see me. There might be people outside of the small world I had created that wanted to know me. 

The idea that Draco may be one of those people made me sick with anxiety. I couldn’t imagine how my friends would react to me getting close with Draco. I couldn’t imagine what would happen if I let myself be vulnerable with him. If I finally admitted I wasn’t okay, I wouldn’t be able to act anymore. If I fell apart because Draco let me in, they would blame him. They still saw him as the same boy who called me names and left sixth year to join the Death Eaters. They didn’t see the boy who was misguided by his parents. They didn’t understand that he was a kid who was used as a pawn just like we were. They hadn’t forgiven him, but I had. I was ready to move on from the past. I was ready to let it go. 

It was scary letting that go in public though. It was scary openly admitting I was okay with Draco. It was scary walking and talking with him out in the open. We shared a friendly nod when we met eyes in class, but he kept his distance in the same way I did. 

With Theo things were a bit easier. People saw us together and thought we were just fulfilling our duties. They didn’t care if I laughed with him in the halls or walked with him to meals. They didn’t care that he came to chat with me before class or that we spent a lot of time in the dorm together. Theo always kept things positive and upbeat with me and I really appreciated it. He didn’t ever acknowledge my friends and they didn’t acknowledge him either. Things were simple with him. They wouldn’t be with Draco, but when it was just the two of us things felt natural. 

“Hey,” Draco said, slipping into the nook in the library I had come to known as ours. We spent hours after class keeping each other company. I was already there working on homework working through the bag of Bertie Botts he had bought for me. He sat at the table in the spot across from me and began to spread out his own books. 

“Are you going to work on the potions homework?” I asked, looking down at my own notes. 

“I can,” Draco nodded. Working on homework with Draco the past week had shown me how much I had underestimated him. He was incredibly smart and quick witted. He kept me on my toes and always added to the conversation. It wasn’t like working with Harry or Ron where I had to deal with them griping until I just gave them the answers. Draco didn’t mind putting in the work to solve a difficult problem and liked talking it through with me so we could figure it out faster. Two minds were better than one. Potions was a class that both of us enjoyed and were talented in, but as much as I hated to admit it, he was better at it. 

“It’s the longest assignment this week and I figured it would go faster if we worked together,” I said, tapping my pen against my chin. I much preferred the muggle device to ink and quill. Even Draco had taken a liking to it. 

“We just have to identify the potions based on the ingredients and come up with antidotes right?” Draco asked.

“Yeah,” I nodded. Harry and Ron had already thrown a fit about the assignment. I knew they were getting a bit annoyed at the fact that I wasn’t working on homework with them anymore. I was tired of constantly doing the work for them. Yes they were my friends, but for so long I had carried the three of us and I was tired. I needed people who would carry me when I needed it, but would support me when I didn’t. 

“Well then let’s dig in,” Draco said, pouring over his own parchment. We spent an hour working on something that would take three if we worked alone. It would take Ron and Harry ages. We worked together so smoothly. When Draco had the semblance of an idea, I could complete it. When I had a question, he could answer it or find the answer. 

“I need a break before we get into anything else,” Draco sighed, pushing away the finished assignment and grabbing a handful of my Bertie Botts. 

“Agreed,” I replied. “It’s times like this when I think it may be better to just take the tests early.”

“What would you do after?” Draco asked, making my stomach churn. That’s why I couldn’t take the tests early. I didn’t know what I was going to do. All I wanted to do was disappear into the muggle world and maybe go to university. No one would understand that. They would all be worried. I hadn’t shown a crack in my armor and if I didn’t get a job in the ministry after Hogwarts people would freak out. They would know something was wrong. 

“Don’t know,” I shrugged. “The ministry really wants me.”

“Is that what you want?” Draco asked. Draco always asked questions like that. It was like he could see in my brain and actually cared about the fact that it was constantly sabotaging me. 

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. I appreciated that Draco seemed to care, but the idea of being completely honest was still terrifying. I didn’t want him to think he knew me and then see how truly fucked up I was and realize he was wrong. I didn’t want to get thrown into St. Mungos. 

“I don’t know what I want to do either,” Draco replied. “I feel like I don’t have any options. Hogwarts had to accept me, but the rest of the world is a lot more hesitant.”

“I wish that wasn’t the case,” I sighed. “I really am sorry.”

“You are the last person that needs to apologize. I didn’t say that for you to apologize. I just want you to see that you’re not the only one struggling with the idea of the future,” he said gently. 

Draco Malfoy knew what to say. He knew how to make me feel seen and accepted, despite the fact that I was barely giving a part of myself away. No one would ever think that Hermione Granger would find comfort in Draco Malfoy, but here I was feeling the most myself since before the war. 

Chapter Text

Draco

Hermione had been good ever since we got back from Hogsmeade. She seemed almost normal. I mean besides the fact that she spent so much time with me. She did her classwork. She smiled and laughed with me and actually meant it. She asked questions in class and cared about the answers. 

She didn’t spend as much time with her friends. I noticed that much. She did her homework with me, avoided the quidditch pitch, and cut her meals short. I knew that the other Gryffindors didn’t accept me the way she did. I knew they would judge her for associating with me. I didn’t expect her to be friends with me in public. I didn’t have expectations for her because I knew she was going through enough. It was why I only acknowledged her with a head nod in class. It was why I only talked to her in our library nook. 

Hermione was good until she wasn’t. I watched the change in Hermione like a light switch. For a week she was lit up and almost shining again. For a week, I saw the brightest witch of our age. Then all of a sudden there was nothing in her eyes. All of a sudden she had slumped shoulders and unfocused eyes. She didn’t look at me, but she didn’t seem to hear her friends either. She barely came down for meals and she never came to the nook anymore. Theo told me the elves were bringing food and he checked to make sure she was alive each night before bed. Apparently, they went on rounds together and she stayed fairly quiet. I missed her. After only a week of spending time with her, I truly missed the new Hermione I had come to know. I was worried about the girl who gave me a second chance because she seemed seconds from crying at all times. 

I didn’t know what caused such a change. I didn’t know how every semblance of emotion and happiness could drain out of a person in less than eight hours, but I knew that I was worried. I needed to know what had happened to the golden girl. 

I got my chance after dinner almost a week after the light left her eyes. I watched her stand up from the table abruptly. Her friends gave her worried stares as she rubbed her forearm harshly. She gave a fake smile and mouthed the word homework before rushing out and I knew she was going to the library. 

I got up and Theo didn’t even bother to ask questions. It took me all of three minutes to rush to our nook in the library. Hermione was already pouring over a book harshly rubbing her arm through her sweater. I knew exactly what was resting beneath that sweater. I knew better than most what horrors were buried into her skin. If it wasn’t for my ability to keep those memories locked in a box deep in my brain, I would be a very broken man. My friends would actually need to be worried about me. 

“Hey,” I said softly so as to not frighten her. She jumped nevertheless, having been lost deep inside her own mind. She glanced up from her book to meet my eyes and I caught a glimpse of their glassy shine before she looked away. 

“I’d like to have the nook to myself if that’s alright with you,” she said in a tight voice. 

“I think you’ve been alone plenty this week,” I answered plopping into the chair by the fireplace. “I haven’t had anyone to work on homework with and it takes a lot longer on your own.” 

Hermione didn’t say anything, choosing instead to turn the page of her book and rub her arm a little harder.  

“What are you reading?” I asked her carefully. 

“Nothing important,” she said, brushing me off. It was when I saw the deep red staining her sweater that I started feeling sick to my stomach. I got up and moved to stand beside her. I didn’t give her the chance to think or protest as I grabbed her arm in my hand. She seemed to shock back to reality as I attempted to lift her sleeve. She yanked her arm out of my hand with strength I didn’t know she had. 

“What the hell are you doing?” She asked so shocked by my actions that instead of an emotionless facade I was met with anger burning in her eyes. 

“Please it’s not like I haven’t seen it. If you’re not going to tell me what’s wrong, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that you’re fine. I’m going to take matters into my own hands,” I huffed. It was one thing for Hermione to be closed off. I wasn’t going to push her to share her emotions until she was ready. It was a totally different thing for her to be physically hurt or in pain. I couldn’t let her sit here and bleed and do nothing about it. 

“It’s nothing to worry about,” she said, rolling her eyes. 

“I’m going to get my first aid kit because I’m not letting you sit here and bleed. Don’t go anywhere,” I said, moving away from her. “If you do, Theo will let me into the dorm.” 

Hermione gave me a withering glare, but for once I was happy to be met with her anger because that meant she actually felt something. Somehow I could break through her emotionless wall and that was everything.

Chapter Text

Hermione

I didn’t have to stay in the nook. There were plenty of other places I could go hide that Draco would never find me. I wasn’t one to run though. I didn’t show fear. Draco was pushing to see my scars both mentally and physically and I was too tired to keep fighting. As terrified as I was, the exhaustion outweighed the fear and so did my stubbornness. I sat in my wooden chair at the table in our nook and kept flipping through a book about magical scars pretending to absorb the words on the page. 

My mind wouldn’t stop spinning. How much could I tell Draco? Could I really tell him anything? How much longer could I keep myself closed off from him? I knew he saw the change. I saw how closely he watched me. I knew it was why he followed me to the library today. It was the same reason he was going to get his first aid kit. He was worried about me and I didn’t know how much longer I could shield him from the brokenness of my mind. 

When he pushed so hard and asked so many questions, when he looked at me with so much worry in his eyes I could only hold back for so long. The truth and my struggles were constantly pushing to come out into the open. It was only a matter of time before I gave in to Draco’s persistence. It was only a matter of time before I saw what the truth could do. Would it help or would it destroy me and our friendship? 

I rubbed my sweater resting right on top of my scar. Most of the time it hardly bothered me, but some days and some weeks it was like my scar came to life and wrapped it’s hand a bit too tightly around my forearm. I would rub it raw letting the wound reopen in an attempt to soothe my throbbing skin. 

Draco returned with a determined look in his eyes and a bag full of clinking glass. “Let me see it,” he said, sitting across from me and holding out his hand. I hesitated and Draco shot me a look. He knew about my scar all too well. I let my arm fall into his hand unable to meet his eyes. 

“It’s bugging you?” He asked his voice deep and low. “Is that why you’re reading this?” 

“Just sometimes,” I whispered. It felt like a secret. This small crack in my armor was the beginning. Draco just nodded and then rolled up my sleeve. There was a bit of blood dripping down the arm from my continuous rubbing. The skin was red and raw and the scratches were open, but the letters were still clear- mudblood. 

“It should have healed by now,” Draco frowned, brushing a wet cloth over the letters. “It shouldn’t even be able to bleed like this anymore.”

“Usually it’s fine, but sometimes it starts to bother me and I can’t stop it from breaking open.” 

“Did something make you think of it? Did something make you start messing with it?” He asked, looking up at me. Here was the decision. Did I tell him the truth or did I admit to a piece of the brokenness? I felt panicked at the idea. I gnawed on my bottom lip trying to make a decision. 

“Hermione, I know you aren’t okay,” Draco whispered so quietly I had to look up at him. His eyes showed so much sincerity and worry. “I don’t know exactly what is going on in that big brain of yours, but I know it’s not something you can deal with on your own. It’s okay not to be okay, but you need to talk to someone.”

I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop the burning in my eyes or the tightness in my throat. I couldn’t stop the hiccups and then I couldn’t stop the tears. I was broken in front of the one person I told myself I would never break down in front of. 

“Okay, I think you can probably assume I’m not very good at this, but I’m going to do my best,” Draco said, squeezing my hand gently. I forced myself to rein in my sobs. I needed to get myself under control. Draco ran a hand over the top of my head and then wiped under my eyes gently. 

“I had a nightmare about the manor last week,” I whimpered. 

“I’m sorry,” Draco sighed. “I mean that in so many different ways I hope you know that.” 

“I do,” I nodded looking down at the scarred arm resting between us. 

“Let’s fix this,” Draco said, turning away to pull a vial from his bag. He rubbed it into my wound and then wrapped my arm in a bandage. He was gentle with his movements and I couldn’t stop myself from really taking notice of what I was seeing. I had just fallen apart. I had just cried and broken down in front of this man and he wasn’t treating me any differently. He wasn’t acting like I was broken or in need of psychiatric care, he was just acting like I was a friend who needed a little help. 

Chapter Text

Draco

Hermione Granger hated me. For six years I was nothing less than a menace to the poor girl. I called her the worst names in the book. I made her feel small, ugly, and worthless. I made her feel just as awful as I felt every single day. 

Hermione Granger had every right to hate me. She was incredibly smart. She was too kind and caring for her own good. She was patient with Ron and Harry. She was friends with the strangest students at Hogwarts. She was so different from all the people who surrounded me as a child that I just couldn’t understand how she could be so much better than me. She got better grades than any pure blood I ever met. She cared more about her professors and education than any Ravenclaw. She was more famous and well liked than any of my family. She was the golden girl in the golden trio and she was the brightest witch of our age. 

She was the person I paid the most attention to at Hogwarts because she had been the love of my life since I was eleven years old. I didn’t realize it then. I didn’t realize my obsession with that mess of curls or her huge smile that showcased the teeth she had to grow into were because she was the most beautiful girl in the room. I didn’t realize it until fourth year when I felt rage at the sight of Krum dancing with her at the Yule ball and proceeded to see red when Ron made her cry. 

I knew I was in love then, but I knew there was nothing I could do. She would never be safe with me. She would never see me as anything other than the boy who tormented her. Even after she forgave me during sixth year, I knew she would never trust me in the way I longed for. 

I kept my distance to protect her. I kept my distance because she was okay. She had friends who loved her. She had a family who protected her. She had professors who cared. She was okay, so I let her be. I would never be the person to ruin her life. 

I planned to always keep my distance, but then eighth year came along. Hermione showed up and she was not the same girl I knew as a kid. She pretended she was and she was good at it. If I hadn’t been watching her so closely since I was eleven years old I wouldn’t have noticed the lack of curiosity in her voice when she asked questions, the way she zoned out during meals with her friends, and the way She would blink back tears before running off to the library. I waited to make sure my assumptions were right. I waited to make sure she was struggling. I waited to make sure her friends weren’t going to say anything. I sat in the library and watched her pretend to read and listened to her friends talk about quidditch and the weather for weeks. 

When I knew Hermione Granger was falling apart and her friends were turning a blind eye, I couldn’t stop myself from finally stepping closer to her. I loved her, but she would never know. I was going to help her pick up the broken pieces and help her put them together. I would be the friend she needed- the moral support. That was all she needed and that was exactly what I would be. 

Then she cried in front of me. She broke down right there at the table in our sacred nook and it took everything in me not to wrap her up and take her away from the shit world we were living in. 

My family didn’t deal with emotions. We pushed them down and never let them show. I didn’t know how to handle the love of my life breaking down in front of me, but I knew that it was destroying my heart. It was hard to keep up the walls when she was breaking all of hers down for me. 

I knew Hermione was hurting. I knew something was wrong. I just didn’t realize how bad it had become. She was struggling so much that she had resorted to coming to me for help. Were her friends that shitty? Was I really the only one who could see the pain behind her eyes? 

I helped her with the scar bleeding through her sweater. The sound of her screams had been haunting my dreams ever since I caught sight of the words carved into her skin. I promised her I would be there for her. Her tears squeezed my heart, but I also knew she didn’t want me to treat her like she was broken. She just wanted someone to support her, so I made sure not to change the way I spoke to her or what we spoke about. 

In the week since the library, I spent all my time in the head dorm. Hermione and I studied on the couch while Theo tried to distract us. I let it slide because he made Hermione laugh- a real genuine laugh. It was the only time I saw emotion. I knew we needed to have a real conversation, but it took just as much nerve for me to have an emotional conversation as it did for her to admit she wasn’t okay. 

Then one day, exactly a week later, I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take the hollow eyes and monotone voice. Theo was at Hogsmeade with Crabbe and Goyle getting into god knows what. Hermione was propped on the couch resting her head on the arm of the sofa paying no mind to the book sitting open in her lap. 

“You’re quiet today,” I said, kicking my feet up on the coffee table. I was sitting in the armchair beside her. 

“Tired,” she mumbled as her eyes fluttered closed. 

“Are you having more nightmares?” I asked genuinely concerned. I glanced at her forearm but found the sleeve resembling its regular color. 

“No, no,” Hermione replied with a shake of her head. 

“Granger, we should talk,” I sighed, sitting up a bit. 

“I know,” she groaned, hiding her face in the arm of the sofa. 

“Here’s all I’m going to say and then I’ll let you talk or not talk. I’ve met a lot of fucked up people in my life and I’ve been through a lot of my own fucked up shit. Nothing you say is going to make me see you any differently. I like to think we’ve become friends, and as your friend I just want to support you.”

Hermione was quiet and unmoving and then she looked up and it was at that moment everything changed. Silent tears traced down her cheeks and her eyes showed so much pain and emotion. “I’m really not okay,” she said in a broken whisper. I just nodded my head because I already knew it was true.  “I don’t know how you figured it out because no one else seems to notice.”

“I care about you,” I replied gently. “You are one of the few people at this school who forgave me and meant it. It was hard not to notice you after that.” 

“Can I be really honest?” She asked with a sniffle. 

“Of course,” I nodded reassuringly. 

“I feel so alone here. I’ve felt so alone since maybe even before the war,” she said and her eyes were watching me in such a desperate way. She needed me so see her and understand. “I know I have friends. Of course I know that people care about me, but if they care so much why didn’t any of them do what you’re doing right now?”

She let out a sob followed by a whimpered, “I know that is so selfish of me to say.”

“It’s not,” I said quickly. “You're allowed to feel however you want. You can say whatever you want in front of me. We both know I’ve said way more fucked up shit than you ever could.”

Hermione nodded and gave a pathetic and watery laugh. I wanted to touch her so badly. I wanted to tell her that anything that came from her mind or slipped out of her mouth in that honey sweet voice would be poetry to me. I couldn’t though. I was just her friend- that’s what she needed. 

“It’s just, I can’t tell my best friends that I feel like no one cares about me. You can’t say that to the people who love you. They would be so hurt,” she said with a shake of her head. I could tell these thoughts had been clogging her mind for a while and she just really needed to get them out. “But I have been pretending that I’m okay for so long and no one has noticed. No one asks if you’re okay and really means it. My friends have been through so much during the war, they can’t handle this too and I don’t think they would understand. They have all grown and moved on. They are using their time at Hogwarts to catch up on the childhood they missed. I just keep seeing the horrors of the war around every corner. I lost my childhood Malfoy, you did too, I don’t want to stay rooted to the place where I lost it. I don’t want to be reminded every time I wake up and look out the window. No one else seems to feel that way though. I mean yeah they want to grow up and move on with their lives, but they are having fun reliving their ‘glory days’. Meanwhile, I feel like I’m drowning pretending to be the person I’m supposed to be.”

I let her speak her jumbled monologue. She had been thinking and waiting. Waiting for the right person to ask her if she was okay. Waiting for the person who genuinely cared and could handle the truth. 

“You don’t have to be okay with me,” I said. “You don’t have to be part of the golden trio or the smartest person in the room. You can be whoever it is you need to be. If you want to be broken that’s okay. If you want to be upset or angry that’s okay. If you want to be confused while you try to figure out who you are after the war, well I'm right there with you. If you want to pretend that you’re okay, I don’t mind, but you have to tell me when you don’t want to pretend anymore.”

“I don’t know what kind of sick joke world we are living in, but somehow you are exactly the person I have needed for the past two months,” Hermione said, finally meeting my eyes again. 

“It’s just part of the process of figuring out who I am without the influence of my parents and all the other assholes I’ve been surrounded by,” I shrugged, brushing off the uncomfortable kindness. I knew it was strange for her to be feeling so safe around me. She didn’t know how much I loved her. She didn’t know how long I had had these feelings for her. 

“I like who you’re becoming,” she replied, causing my entire body to warm. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

Talking to Malfoy was a rush of relief. Just being allowed to say the words I had been thinking out loud had a calming effect. Someone knew. It wasn’t all me anymore. I could talk to my friends and not get upset at how oblivious they were because it wasn’t just me anymore. Malfoy would listen and care and notice when I wasn’t okay. He didn’t mention Madam Pomfrey, St. Mungos, or a mind healer. I had admitted I was broken and hurting and he didn’t shove me off on someone else; he knew what I was going through and he promised he wasn’t going anywhere. 

He hadn’t gone anywhere. He hadn’t distanced himself after my breakdown. In fact, he had been around more often. He was always in the library with me and more often than not you could find him in the head dorm common room. 

“You realize this is going to take us at least another two hours?” Draco groaned, stretching his arms as we both looked away from the books and parchment resting on the table between us. We were working on another tedious assignment, this time for charms, and I was getting sick of all the work. I had won a war, sitting at a table studying the charms I had used and that had been used against me on the battlefield seemed pointless. Every class was starting to feel pointless. I hadn’t admitted that to Malfoy yet, but every day we met up in the library to work on another ridiculous assignment I got closer and closer. I knew if I took the exams, I would pass them without needing to take another test. 

“I know,” I sighed, rubbing my eyes. They were burning from attempting to read the small words resting on the page. 

“It’s seven,” Malfoy said, slamming his book closed. “Is there any chance I can convince you to get drunk with Theo and I tonight in the common room? Theo said I had until seven to convince you otherwise he would take matters into his own hands. I don’t know exactly what that means, but I do know he was convinced you would report him if you weren’t on board. He also told me to let you know that we won’t be drinking fire whiskey.”

I glanced at the books and half finished homework that was due tomorrow. “You’re not going to make a big deal about me not turning in my homework tomorrow are you?” I asked, biting my lip. I knew other people would, but for some reason right now, all I cared about was knowing what Malfoy would do. 

“If you took the exams as a first year, you would have passed. I don’t give a shit if you turn in your homework. I haven’t turned any in all semester, until I started hanging out with you,” he shrugged. 

“Let’s go get drunk,” I nodded, closing my book. Malfoy smirked before swiping everything on the table into his bag. I did the same, not bothering with organization. I was tired of being that girl. 

When we got back to the dorm, Theo looked at Malfoy with a questioning look. Malfoy gave a subtle nod, and then with a gigantic grin Theo swished his wand and revealed our coffee table covered in bottles of alcohol. I stared at them with a bit of hesitance. This would be the first time I drank without Harry or Ron. I was putting a lot of trust in the two Slytherin boys I had just become friends with. This night would prove if I could trust them. 

“You like something sweet, right Hermione?” Theo asked, moving towards the bottles. I nodded my head as Malfoy dropped his bag on the ground. “I also stole some food from dinner, which neither one of you showed up to by the way. Better be careful or people might start to assume things.”

Theo shot us a wink and Malfoy went red, but my stomach sank at the thought. People were going to question my sanity as I started to focus less on my homework, but if they found out I was spending so much time with Malfoy they would definitely ship me off to St. Mungos. 

“Hermione, you look way too anxious right now, please start drinking,” Theo said, shoving a cup into my hands. The liquid inside was pink and smelled sickly sweet. It went down smoothly and tasted exactly like juice. It was much better than any fire whiskey concoction Ron and Harry could come up with. 

“This is good,” I said, taking a seat on the couch as Malfoy disappeared into the kitchen to get the food. 

“Used to have to make Pansy’s drinks all the time,” Theo smirked. “I think a taste for sweet drinks is about all you two have in common though.” 

“I think I agree with that,” I laughed. Pansy despised me. She always had. Luckily, now we were both adults, so we chose to ignore each other. It was much better than constantly receiving sneers and glares from both her and Malfoy. I took a gulp from my drink as Theo finished off a shot. 

“Be careful with those, they’re strong,” he chuckled as he poured himself and Malfoy a drink. 

“If I have to show up to class tomorrow as Hermione Granger without her homework, I think I better enjoy myself tonight,” I said, running a hand over my forehead. 

“Oh shit,” Theo chuckled. “Yeah, you better get ready for several conversations.”

“Theo and I don’t give a shit if you turn in your homework though,” Malfoy said, returning with a big tray of food as Theo scrambled to clear the table. “Do we Theo?”

“I just care that you’re okay,” Theo shrugged. “We all just got out of a fucking war and you were living in a tent for the entire school year. I don’t blame you for not giving a shit about homework.”

“Do you still care about yours?” I asked looking up at Theo. He was head boy after all. That implied he had at one point cared about his homework and grades. 

“Never really cared about it,” Theo shrugged. “It was just a good way to distract myself from shit and get some alone time.”

I nodded my head thoughtfully. My reasons for studying were quite different, but I understood his reasoning. Caring about homework was pretty isolating. People didn’t want to study with you and if they did it was only so they could copy your answers. Malfoy though, he was the version of a study partner I always assumed didn’t exist. He was there to help, support, and make the process that much quicker. 

“Enough talk about homework and studying,” Malfoy said downing his drink in a single gulp. “We’re trying to have fun tonight.”

I finished my own drink and it was quickly replenished. Apparently Theo had charmed the cups. Theo was right about the drink being strong. My head already felt lighter and laughing seemed a lot easier. I didn’t drink often, so it wasn’t surprising I was a lightweight, but it usually took more than one drink to get me tipsy. 

“So tell me Hermione, what is a Gryffindor party like?” Theo asked with a grin. 

“Oh they were a lot of fun,” I smiled at the memory. “There was always music and Fred and George brought all of their latest prank gadgets. We were usually celebrating a quidditch win, so the snitch was usually flying around and people would try to catch it. The Patils managed to start up a game of truth or dare or never have I ever. People always had fun and it was always fun to watch everything.” 

“You just sat and watched?” Theo asked, sipping his drink. 

“Sometimes Ron would wrangle me into a game of chess, but mostly I just watched,” I nodded. 

“You didn’t play, never have I ever?” Malfoy smirked. But it wasn’t a malicious smirk, it was a friendly one that showed he knew me too well. 

“Never have I ever is only fun when you’ve done things besides leave the library and save the world,” I replied, causing Theo to snort. 

“Never have I ever kissed Ron Weasley,” Malfoy said, raising his cup. Theo tapped their glasses together as I flicked them both off. 

“Come on Granger you have to drink,” Malfoy smirked. I laughed before taking a sip of my drink. 

“Never have I ever fucked Pansy,” I smirked over the lip of my cup. 

“Oh I see how it is,” Malfoy chuckled, sipping from his cup. 

“Fuck Hermione, you’re right this game is no fun when you have never done shit, but I have to admit it is interesting to watch,” Theo smirked. 

“Oh piss off,” Malfoy said, flicking him off. “Never have I ever been jerking off in the shower so loud that my best friend’s mother came in to make sure I wasn’t being murdered.”

As Theo took a sip from his cup with red ears I couldn’t help but burst into giggles. “Theo that can’t be true,” I said, trying not to choke on my drink. 

“Oh it’s true and let me tell you my mother was scarred for life and my father taught us both how to use a silencing charm,” Malfoy grinned victoriously as giggles continued to spill from my lips. 

“I hate this game,” Theo grumbled. 

“You asked for it,” Malfoy smirked. 

“Fine, but Hermione, I have to know what happened between you and Ron. I mean everyone thought you guys were a done deal.”

In my now drunken state, the question didn’t bother me. Honestly, I was surprised no one had asked me earlier. As far as everyone knew Ron and I had been something after the war. 

“We kissed for the first and only time at The Battle of Hogwarts. It was purely out of adrenaline and thinking we were going to die before the night was over. After the war, I just… I mean I’ve been working through shit since the war and the fact that Ron has been so oblivious… I always knew he wasn’t great with emotions or empathy, but it’s just gotten worse. We’re better as friends,” I shrugged. “He doesn’t really seem to care though. He is so busy soaking up all of the attention and fame that he hasn’t bothered me much about it, which I’m glad about.”

“You’re telling me the entire time you were out in the middle of nowhere, you never even fucked him. I mean obviously you didn’t fuck Harry because he’s been with the other redhead for ages.”

I just shook my head as my cheeks turned red. “Ronald Weasley is an idiot,” Theo smirked. 

“Like we didn’t already know that,” Malfoy chuckled. “Sorry Hermione, but come on you’ve got to admit he fucked up.” 

“He did,” I chuckled. It made me feel better. For a long time I wondered if it was something I had done. Was there a reason Ron cared more about his new found fame than the possibility of a relationship with me or even just our friendship? Was there a reason he waited until the battle to kiss me? Malfoy and Theo, as drunk as they may be right now, we’re confirming what I already knew- Ron was an idiot. 

“What about you and Pansy?” I asked Malfoy curiously. They had been something throughout all of our time at Hogwarts and now they hardly even spoke to each other. 

“Trying to figure myself out and keeping around a bitch I’ve known since I was born wasn’t going to help,” he shrugged. It was so honest and it took me by surprise. I knew that Malfoy wasn’t hiding much anymore, but it was still surprising every time he gave a bit of himself up to me. 

“And you Theo?” I asked curiously. I had never seen Theo with anyone, not even at the Yule Ball. 

“I prefer to be alone,” Theo shrugged. “Like you said, I’ve got my own shit to figure out before I get with someone else.”

I nodded, curious what shit Theo needed to figure out. 

“We really know how to have fun,” Malfoy scoffed. 

“I don’t know about you but I’m drunk and I’m having a great time,” I smiled resting my head on the back of the couch. “This is the first time I have been able to drink without a million people making comments about it.”

“Don’t you hate that?” Theo chuckled. “Just because I’m quiet and I like to study doesn’t mean I don’t like to drink and get drunk.” 

“Exactly,” I smiled, glad someone finally understood. “Why can’t I be smart and have fun sometimes?”

“Well as friends to both of you losers, I can attest that you both are also very fun,” Malfoy smirked, sipping his own drink. “We’re just adults and have been through too much shit for it not to come up in our conversations.”

“Maybe someday when it isn’t so fresh it won’t come up as much,” I replied, giving him a lazy smile. 

“Maybe,” Malfoy nodded reassuringly. 

“Do you remember when I punched you in the face?” I blurted out, unable to keep my thoughts filtered when drunk. Theo erupted into laughter. 

“He wouldn’t stop talking about it for weeks,” Theo laughed. 

“And he still hasn’t stopped giving me shit for it,” Malfoy whined. “I promise you Granger, your right-hook is something I will never forget.”

I couldn’t stop my own laughter as Malfoy rubbed his nose like it still hurt. “You’re drunk aren’t you, Hermione?” Theo grinned and I nodded, unable to get my laughter under control. In that moment joking around with Theo and Malfoy, I realized that there could be happiness after the war. 

Chapter Text

Draco

This night was perfect. As lame as our little pity party was, watching Hermione’s walls lower as she got drunk and truly smiled and laughed made it perfect. I loved her laugh. I loved her smile too. I loved that she was having fun with me. She openly admitted it. She openly admitted that I was more fun to get drunk with than her Gryffindor buddies. 

I didn’t care if she joked about punching me during our third year or talked about whatever relationship she had with Ron. I just liked that she was being honest and open with us. It was probably hard to talk about Ron with her friends. Harry was his best friend and Ginny was his sister. She couldn’t really talk shit about the idiot with people so close to him. She couldn’t really talk to any of them about how she was feeling though. I knew that much now. She couldn’t very well tell the people who cared about her that she felt like they didn’t. 

I knew she had been worried about what their reactions would be tomorrow when she didn’t turn in her homework. It wasn’t a feeling I had ever felt, but I knew why she was worried. I knew it was out of character for her. I knew people expected certain things from her. It was nice to see she wasn’t thinking about that anymore. It was nice to see she felt like she could be a version of herself that felt comfortable when she was around us. 

“I know we’re getting old because I’m fucking tired,” Theo groaned letting out a big yawn. Hermione lifted her head from the arm of the sofa before setting it back down. I had seen her crashing for a few minutes now. 

“We should get to bed,” I nodded, standing up and disappearing the bottles and food on the coffee table. 

“I’m out, good night,” Theo said, giving a salute before disappearing up the stairs to his dorm. Hermione hadn’t moved from her spot. 

“You going to bed, Granger?” I asked, watching her mop of hair. 

“I’m just going to sleep here. I’m too tired,” she mumbled into the couch. I rolled my eyes. As soon as she sobered up she would regret sleeping on the couch. 

“Come on,” I said, taking her arm gently. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Hermione rolled off the couch and let herself lean against me. I led her upstairs knowing she must have still been pretty drunk if she was so comfortable being this close to me. Her room looked just like Theo’s except much neater. There weren’t any trinkets or photos resting on the dresser or bedside table. The only thing on the table was her wand. I pulled back the covers as she attempted to kick off her shoes. She lost her balance and I had to grab her elbow quickly before she hit the ground. 

“Come on,” I said, helping her onto the side of the bed. 

“You know who I miss?” She asked, holding onto my hand. 

“Who?” I asked, touching her hair gently. She was too drunk to remember a few affectionate touches. 

“Crookshanks. My cat. Do you remember him?” She asked, looking up at me with big eyes. I just nodded. Of course I remembered that stupid cat. She didn’t know this, but he had formed quite the attachment to me when he found me in the library. I spent one too many nights with him curled in my lap as I read in our nook. That was before it was ever our nook though. 

“He used to curl up on my feet and keep them warm at night,” Hermione pouted. “Now my feet are always cold. I don’t know where he went. He used to be at The Burrow, but when we got back, they hadn’t seen him in ages.” 

“I’m sorry Hermione,” I sighed, laying her down, so her head rested on her pillow. I pulled the covers up to her chin and cast a spell down by her feet to keep them warm. Her hand caught my wrist before I could walk away. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked crouching down a bit. 

“You’re really nice,” she mumbled with a little smile. “I like being your friend Draco.”

The use of my first name actually sent my heart into overdrive. “I like being your friend too Hermione,” I smiled at her. 

“Can you stay until I fall asleep? I don’t want to be alone right now,” she pouted, tightening her hand on my wrist. I couldn’t tell her no. How could I ever tell the woman I loved no?

“Sure,” I nodded and seconds later she was making space for me on the bed. I kicked off my shoes and then sat against the headboard. Hermione gave me a bit of a smile before closing her eyes in content. I let my hand gently massage her head, unable to keep my fingers away from her curls. 

“Good night Draco,” she whispered. This was heaven. I thought getting drunk with Hermione Granger was heaven. I thought studying with her in our little nook was heaven. I couldn’t figure out why I deserved all of these amazing moments, but I wasn’t going to ask questions. Every moment was better than the next and I was going to soak them up until Hermione finally moved on. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

Sitting in class I felt like shit and I had a vague recollection of Draco Malfoy sitting in my bed. I was staring at the back of his head in an attempt to jog my memory. The class was finally coming to a close and I had somehow managed to avoid anyone noticing the fact I didn’t submit my homework. 

Flitwick ended class and as people started to pack up, I thought I was finally in the clear. 

“Hermione dear, you forgot to submit your assignment,” Flitwick called as I followed Ron and Harry out. All three of us turned and I felt my stomach sink. 

“I’ll meet you guys at the great hall,” I said, biting my lip. 

“We can wait,” Ron shrugged. “It’s just in your backpack isn’t it?” 

“Um I actually didn’t get a chance to finish it,” I spoke to Flitwick trying not to look as guilty as I felt. I shouldn’t care about this so much. I didn’t care about the stupid assignment, I cared more about what people were going to say. 

“Oh is everything alright?” Flitwick asked, his eyebrows raising in surprise. “Do you need to chat about anything?”

“No,” I shrugged. “I just had other things to do.”

“What do you mean you’re always studying?” Ron said confused. I glanced over to see Ron watching me with round eyes and Harry shifting uncomfortably. 

“Well I’m sure you have been overwhelmed with the amount of work considering you’re head girl and missed a year of schooling. We can definitely work something out. I’m sure this has been a difficult adjustment for you, it has been for others as well. Would you like to talk about an extension? I’m sure Harry and Ron would be happy to help you work through this assignment.”

“Um yeah sure, whatever you need Hermione,” Harry said looking at me like I was about to break apart. I couldn’t very well stand there and tell Flitwick and my best friends that I didn’t give a shit about the assignment. They were already acting like I was crumbling. 

“Um sure,” I nodded dumbly. 

“How about by the end of the week?” Flitwick smiled gently. I just nodded. I wasn’t doing the fucking assignment. I shouldered my bag hoping that was the end of the conversation. “Hermione,” Flitwick said before we could get out the door. “If you need to talk, please do reach out.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled before pushing out the door with my two best friends stumbling behind me. I waited for them to ask me questions. I could feel their stares and silent conversations as I walked towards the great hall. They didn’t ask a single question though. In fact, they didn’t say anything to me at all. 

They whispered quietly to each other all through lunch and I felt like I might actually lose my mind. Was it worse to have your friends openly ask if you were falling apart or whisper about it right in front of you? I didn’t get the chance to find out because as soon as my plate cleared, McGonagall was standing behind me. 

“Hermione dear, let’s have a chat in my office,” she said, giving me a warm smile. Clearly word traveled fast. I glanced over at the Slytherin table to find Malfoy giving me a smirk. He knew this was going to happen. I stood up without a word as everyone in the room watched and followed McGonagall out of the room. We were both silent as I trudged up the stairs behind her. She didn’t say anything until we were both seated on opposite sides of her desk. 

“How are you doing dear?” She asked, giving me a concerned and watchful glance. 

“I’m fine,” I shrugged. “I’m sorry about not turning in the assignment to Flitwick. I just got carried away with a book last night and it slipped my mind.” 

That was a bold faced lie, but it seemed to ease McGonagall’s worries a bit. Her shoulders seemed to relax and her eyes warmed.

“It happens to the best of us. We all need a break sometimes from constant work,” she said warmly. “But I hope you know, I understand the job of head girl can be overwhelming especially in our current circumstances. If you ever need to talk to me, my door is always open. We can’t overwork the brightest witch of this age before she’s even had a chance to impact the world.”

The phrase left a bitter taste in my mouth and I wanted to argue. Hadn’t I done enough for this world? Hadn’t I given up enough for this bullshit? Why did I have to give more of myself and my mind and my time? Weren’t there adults who could manage this government and school and society? I saved these idiots from a horrible civil war. Wasn’t that enough?

I didn’t voice any of those thoughts though. People were already thinking I was teetering on the edge after one missing assignment. I couldn’t let them think I needed to be committed. How fucked up was it that I desperately wanted to be alone with Draco? No, Malfoy. Since when had I started saying Draco?

“I appreciate it,” I said with a smile. “I still have so much I want to do. I won’t let myself get distracted again.”

Lie. 

“It’s alright to have a bit of fun, Hermione. You of all people deserve it. Just please remember that many of our students here look up to you and many of our highest leaders are waiting for you to guide them into this new generation,” McGonagall said like it was an honor to be had. 

“Yes, of course,” I nodded, feeling sick to my stomach. 

“Have you given any thought into whether or not you would like to take your exams early? I know the Minister is holding positions open for you just in case.”

“I’ve considered it,” I nodded thoughtfully. “I really would like to dive right in.” 

“Well whatever you decide, we at Hogwarts will always support you.” 

“Thank you. Is that all? I believe I have an assignment to complete,” I said hoping to get to my dorm before I completely lost it.  I couldn’t tell if I was going to scream, cry, or vomit. 

“Yes, have a good night dear,” McGonagall smiled.

“You as well,” I nodded before booking it out of the office and down the hall. 

Of course a head of familiar red hair and messy black hair were waiting for me outside of my dorm. Of course my life couldn’t be that easy. I straightened my already slumping shoulders and wiped the emotion from my face. 

“Hey what’s up?” I asked adjusting the bag resting on my shoulder. The boys pushed themselves off the wall and gave measured smiles. 

“We just wanted to check on you,” Harry said hesitantly. “I mean did you need help with that assignment?”

“Of course she doesn’t need help,” Ron said, smacking the back of Harry’s head. “I mean really ‘Mione, why didn’t you do the assignment?”

“I just got busy,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I’m fine honestly.”

“If you’re not though, you would tell us right?” Harry asked, watching me hesitantly like any second I might lash out or break down. 

“Of course, you guys are my best friends,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I tell you everything.”

Lie. 

“Yeah, right,” Ron nodded immediately, accepting the answer. Things were always so simple, so black and white with him. Harry was still looking at me a bit too closely. I did love him. He was like a brother to me and of all people I trusted to tell the truth to, it was him. However, he just went through a war where he was the center of attention. He didn’t want to keep dealing with those problems. He didn’t want to look back on such a shitty time. He was too busy trying to make up for all that lost time. He was trying to enjoy his friends, school life, and girlfriend. I wasn’t going to mess that up, especially if he wasn’t ready to deal with it. 

“I’m good Harry,” I smiled, touching his shoulder gently. 

“Okay,” Harry nodded, finally seeming to accept it. 

“I really should go get to work,” I said edging towards the entrance of the Head Dorm. 

“Malfoy is in there,” Ron said with a frown. I felt myself warm a bit, but I couldn’t let that show. 

“He’s there a lot,” I shrugged. “Him and Theo are friends. They don’t really bother me.”

“I don’t like you being in the same room alone with two fucking murderers. One who watched you get-“

“Stop,” I said, quickly cutting him off. “They don’t bother me and I don’t want to talk about that.”

“ Sorry,” Ron said looking down guiltily. “I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s fine,” I said crossing my arms, “but if I can move on, you should too.”

“Are you saying we should forgive him?” Harry asked, his voice rising. I felt myself panic a bit. I didn’t mean to get into this conversation and I needed it to end. I needed to go rant to the one person my friends despised. 

“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s been a long day, I have a lot of shit to do, and I’m not in the mood to relive my trauma.”

I knew I was exploding a bit and I knew it wasn’t my typical behavior, but I was tired of them suddenly caring. And they cared in all the wrong ways. 

“Hermione…”

“I’m fine, really,” I said to Harry. “I really just need some alone time.”

“Okay,” Harry nodded. “I love you. Come on Ron, let's go.” 

“Love you too,” I mumbled before entering the head dorm. I just desperately needed to see Malfoy. I needed to decompress. It was such a relief to have someone to lean on instead of dealing with all of this alone. I didn’t feel the pressure through my body or the tears building behind my eyes. I just felt a rush to talk to the one person who knew how to listen and care.

Chapter Text

Draco  

People didn’t typically trust me, but for some reason Hermione did and it was so apparent the second she walked into the head dorm. 

I knew she was going to be upset based on the fact that her two idiot best friends had been waiting outside the door. She walked through the door and I watched all the armor she had placed over herself fall off. The emotionless facade and strong shoulders fell. I could see the exhaustion and turmoil swirling behind her eyes. 

“Hey,” I said gently from my spot on the couch. 

“I’m not going to be fun to be around right now,” she said hesitating in the doorway. I could see how much she wanted to move toward me, but she was testing my boundaries. She wasn’t going to say a single word if she thought I couldn’t handle it. She cared too much about others. I had to admit as selfish as it was, I loved that she wanted to talk to me about this. I loved the fact that this amazing and strong human needed me for something. 

“I’m never any fun to be around,” I shrugged, giving her the okay she needed. She rushed over and began pacing. She was silent and I could see so many emotions flashing behind her eyes. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” I finally asked. 

She stopped pacing and stared right at me with so much conflict on her face, “I don’t know if I want to scream or cry right now.”

I felt so much empathy for the girl standing in front of me. She had been through so much and so many expectations were placed on her. It was clear that showing vulnerability and emotion weren’t something she was used to. I knew the feeling well, but I had managed to find a way to push those emotions down. I also knew that I had people now who wouldn’t judge me for my emotions. Theo understood me and never judged me and my angry rants. I had a feeling Hermione would react the same way. “Then do both,” I said with a shrug. I couldn’t make any of this seem like a big deal. The second I did, she would close herself off. 

It was like those three words set her free. The tears started to fall, but her eyes were on fire. “Why is it that I’m fine until I don’t turn in a fucking assignment? Why is my life defined by my ability to succeed in school? Why does that have to be my whole personality? I didn’t complete that fucking assignment because I actually had something better to do with my life. I actually wanted to experience life instead of disappearing from it. I haven’t been okay in fucking months and nobody cared until I stopped being who they wanted me to be.” 

She had tears streaking down her cheeks, but each word was laced with anger. And then, just as suddenly as the anger had started, it dissipated and I was left with a teary broken eyed girl. “I don’t want to be the ‘brightest witch of our age’ anymore Draco. I’m not even sure I want to be Hermione Granger. I don’t know who I want to be, but I know it’s not this.”

I felt guilty just like I knew all of her friends would be. I had put her in the same box as everyone else. It wasn’t until I really got to know her that I realized how much more she was. How could her friends still be placing her in the same box after all these years? How could they not see how funny she was, how kind, how witty?

I found myself standing up and doing the one thing my family never did. I wrapped the girl I loved in a tight hug. “I’m sorry,” I sighed. “I wish I had the answers for you, but I’m here whether you are Hermione Granger or not.”

“Thank you,” she mumbled into my chest, her small arms wrapping around me tightly. I smoothed her mess of hair in an attempt to comfort the girl before me. Physical touch was not something my family or friends ever used, but with Hermione, the woman I loved, it all felt so natural. 

“Why don’t you come sit down and I’ll summon some tea?” I asked gently loosening my grip. Hermione nodded her head and stepped away. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her to the couch. A cup of tea was already resting on the table for her when we sat down. 

“I’m supposed to do the assignment,” she mumbled, tracing her finger over the top of her cup. 

“Do you want to do it?” I asked, leaning against the back of the couch as we faced each other, knees touching. 

“No,” she said looking up at me. “I don’t know what to do, Draco. Everyone is expecting me to get back on track. Everyone has such big expectations for me. I’m supposed to take my exams early. McGonagall told me the Minister is waiting for me to graduate to fill important positions.”

“What do you want, Hermione? Or, what do you think you want?” I asked, touching her shoulder gently. 

“Can I be honest? Like really honest?” She asked, chewing on her lip. 

“Always,” I smiled. 

“I keep thinking that maybe I just want to disappear. Maybe I could go to university in the muggle world. No one would know my name or anything about me. I wouldn’t be anyone special there,” she admitted. “I have already done so much for the wizarding world as a child and I can’t give anymore. I don’t want to work for the Minister.

“When I’m here though, I don’t want to be this person anymore. I don’t want to waste away in the library or bury myself in books. I don’t want to spend so much time getting everything right, but it’s so much pressure. People start to freak out. I mean I talked to four different people today who were concerned about my well-being. I want to spend time with you outside of this dorm. I want to sit by you in class and talk to you in the hallways and at meals. I think they would commit me though. Harry and Ron were upset you were even in here with me. I shouldn’t care so much, but I do…”

She was getting upset again. Her eyes were watering and her voice was getting high and rushed. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” I said in a soothing tone. “I would love to spend time with you outside of this room, but I understand and I’m not going to push you. I’m not here to make your life harder. Whatever you choose to do, I’m going to support you. But please, if you don’t want to work for the Minister then don’t do it. Don’t give more of your life away to the people who don’t know or care about you. You’re too smart and good to be used.”

“What do you want to do?” She asked me with big eyes. 

“I don’t know,” I admitted to her. I couldn’t admit that I was waiting for her to decide. “To be completely honest, I never even considered the muggle world. You have no idea how nice it sounds to not be judged for my past, to not be labeled as a murderer by people who don’t even know me.”

“You would go to the muggle world? I mean live there?” She asked, sitting up a bit and looking at me skeptically. 

I would go anywhere with you.

“Sure,” I shrugged. “If it means I get some peace.”

Hermione just looked at me thoughtfully. She didn’t say anything and I desperately wanted to know what she was thinking, but she kept her mouth closed. I wouldn’t push her. She would tell me when she was ready. 

“We’re going to be friends outside of this room,” was all she said. And then she rested her head on my shoulder and took a sip of her tea. There wasn’t a chance she was finishing the charm's homework. 

Chapter Text

Draco

I had been thinking about Hermione’s plan to live in the muggle world for the past 72 hours. I couldn’t get it out of my head. No one would know me or my history. No one would know Hermione and my history. We would be judged solely for who we became in the muggle world- not our parents, our war stories, or our reputations. I had never realized how desperately I needed a fresh slate until one was presented right in front of me. 

“Earth to Draco,” Theo said, waving a hand in front of my face. I snapped back to reality as the sounds of the great hall flooded into my brain again. 

“Sorry,” I said, shaking my head and glancing towards Hermione. She was smiling at something Ginny had said. Good. 

“Hey, are you okay? I swear you’ve been deep in your head all the time lately,” Theo said looking a bit concerned. 

“Yeah, I was just thinking about something Hermione said the other day,” I shrugged. I wanted to talk to him about it, but I was scared. Admitting that I wanted to leave behind the wizarding world might be a bit too extreme even for Theo. 

“Listen, mate, I know you love her and she needs your help,” Theo whispered, “but are you still taking care of yourself too? You’ve been spending a lot of time worrying about her and I know your visitation with Lucius is coming up.”

“I’m not going,” I said, brushing it off. “Well I’m going to escort my mom there and back, but I’m not seeing that man. And I’m fine mate. Really.”

Theo watched me closely but finally conceded. “Okay, but what have you been thinking about so much? It's got me a bit worried I have to admit.”

“The future,” I admitted. “The Minister wants Hermione to graduate early and is holding a position for her, but she doesn’t want it. She wants to live in the muggle world…”

I trailed off before I could admit I wanted to go with her. I had to gauge Theo’s reaction first. 

“I mean it makes sense. She grew up there. She probably has a lot better memories there than here. Her parents died though right, I’m sure that won’t be easy.”

“Yeah, I think she sees it more as a chance to start over with fewer expectations though. She’s tired of being the smartest person in the room at only 19.”

“I really do feel bad for her,” Theo sighed. “She’s under so much pressure.”

“I think it’s a good idea,” I nodded. “I… well I kind of want to go too… I mean imagine a world where no one knows me as a fucking murderer. Do you think I’m crazy, honestly?”

Theo was silent for a moment mulling over everything I had said. “Does she know? I mean that you want to go with her?”

“No,” I said nervously. My mother was a basket case and would go along with whatever I did, and I didn’t give a shit about my father anymore. Theo though, he was like a brother to me and I knew he would always have my best interest at heart. 

“I get it Draco, really I do. You love her and it’s impossible for you to love her here. It’s impossible for you to even live a slightly normal life here. I think it would be a really big adjustment, but you’re smart and you would have Hermione who is even smarter. I think you would do well there. I think she would probably love to have the company as well. You’ve grown on her. That much I can tell.”

I felt a breath of relief at his opinion. “I mean she hasn’t even really decided if that’s what she wants to do and I haven’t told her that I’m even considering it, but every time I think about it, I feel like there isn’t another option for me.”

“Then all you need to do is tell her and pass your exams.”

I nodded, already feeling eager. “You need to tell her that you're visiting your father too. She wants to take care of you too. It isn’t a one-way street.”

“You’re right,” I sighed. “I just hate to put things on her when she is already going through enough.”

“She thinks the same way. It’s something you both need to get over.”

I nodded because I knew he was right. A friendship or even relationship went both ways. We couldn't hide things for the sake of the other person. That’s what she was doing with her other friends and it had torn her apart from the inside out. 

“How are you doing man?” I asked curiously. “I mean I know you’ve got a lot going on with the head boy duties and I’ve heard the shit people are saying about your dad.”

“You know I’ve never given a fuck about that man. Let them call him a murdering shit bag, he is,” Theo spit. “And my head duties are split with the one and only Hermione Granger, so those are all good too. As much as she is struggling and not wanting to give in to expectations, she would never push anything onto me.”

I nodded knowing it was true. Hermione took care of everyone before she took care of herself. She might slip in her studies, but she wouldn’t let others suffer because of it. For years she had supported her friends with homework and dozens of other things. I knew that as she stepped back from her friends and focused on herself she felt guilty for not helping them anymore. But what she had been doing wasn’t just providing support, they had expected her to give them the answers. I knew it was shitty and not what real friendship looked like, but Hermione didn’t see it that way yet. I just hoped that eventually, she would stop beating herself up for things that she shouldn’t be stressed about. I wished she could just be who she wanted to be without the expectations and pressure of everyone else. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

Somehow I got away with not turning in assignments or asking questions for an entire week. I walked in the hallway with Draco, but Theo was usually around so people didn’t ask questions. 

I got away with it until Friday. Then everything went to hell in a handbasket. Draco and I were sitting on a window bench glancing over a new university brochure I had ordered. He had taken an interest in my muggle dreams and suddenly it was looking a lot more realistic. What if Draco and I were to go together? 

“Look at the library,” Draco grinned, pointing out a photo of a Hogwarts-like library. “I know you’re sick of studying, but what about at university.”

“I’m sick of studying things I already know. Things I had to learn way too young because I was in a war. I want to learn about literature and muggle business and politics and law and science…”

“Can you see yourself doing it in this library?” Draco asked with a glimmering smile. His gray eyes were mesmerizing when he was excited about something. We hadn’t outright talked about our future after this, but things seemed more clear every day. 

“Hermione Granger,” McGonagall said, coming to stand in front of us. Draco shoved the brochure into my bag as I looked up at her. 

“Yes, Headmistress?” I asked, putting a bit of space between Draco and me. We had been almost touching foreheads. 

“Is there a reason you have not submitted a single assignment this week?” She asked, looking none too pleased. I shrunk a bit beside Draco. I could see people starting to stare. 

“I would prefer to have this conversation somewhere private,” I said, keeping my chin up. 

“You can come to my office,” McGonagall nodded, not losing any of her edge. 

I stood up and then looked at Draco. He was going to be pissed at me, but I was already angry. Not at him. “I assume you want Draco to come as well. He hasn’t turned in an assignment all week either,” I said, placing a hand on my hip. I was sick of the double standard and pressure. McGonagall looked between us speechless before giving up. 

“Fine,” she nodded before turning and walking without another word. 

“Fuck you, Granger,” Draco whispered giving me a little grin. 

“Just need a little moral support,” I admitted looking up at him with the emotions that I was really feeling. 

“Always here,” he whispered, squeezing my arm gently. 

We sat down across from McGonagall at her desk. She was pissed. “Well,” she said, gesturing for me to speak. 

“I don’t need to complete my assignments or study or even really go to class to pass my exams,” I shrugged. “I’m done wasting my time.”

“Wasting your time?” McGonagall asked in a high voice feigning amusement. I knew she was anything but. 

“Yes,” I nodded. 

“Well I am so sorry Miss Granger that we here at Hogwarts aren’t doing enough for you and your precious time,” McGonagall said incredulously. This was not good, but for some reason, I really didn’t care. I had respected this woman and so many other adults at Hogwarts for years, just to find out that I was always just a pawn to them. I was just a weapon in war and when it was over I would be a political pawn next. I was over it. I was over this world. 

“I appreciate the apology,” I said with a nod of my head. Draco was trying to hide a smirk beside me. 

“And what, Miss Granger, would you like us to do about this? How can we accommodate you?” She asked, crossing her arms. Now she was angry. 

“Well really, I would like to take my exams now, so that I can finally graduate, but I know that isn’t possible so I just ask that we quit playing this game. I can go to class and keep up appearances. Obviously, I will keep up with my head girl duties, I do value that honor and respect it, but I see no point in arguing about assignments.”

“And how will we know that you are able to pass your exams if you can’t take them until the end of the term? Should we just take your word for it?” She laughed. 

“I think my title and the minister’s eagerness to employ me and your own pressure to graduate early speak for itself. Not to mention everything I accomplished throughout the war,” I replied pragmatically. I kept my chin up despite the fact that this was a very difficult conversation. I did respect McGonagall and before this year she was someone I leaned on for support. It was hard standing up to her and going against her. It was hard knowing she didn’t have my best interests at heart. It was harder knowing that she didn’t really care about what was going on with me. 

“You do realize how absurd it is for our head girl not to submit any of her assignments don’t you?” 

“You do realize how absurd it is for Hogwarts to have grown adults as students? Do you realize how absurd it is to have children fighting in your war? You realize how ridiculous it is to expect everything to just go back to normal, right?” I asked, finding my voice raising in anger and emotion. Draco touched my hand gently in warning. Don’t reveal too much to the people who don’t give a shit. I took a breath. “Don’t tell me what is and isn’t absurd. We’ve all made exceptions. I think I’ve done enough for you to be granted one.”

“Hermione dear, I understand that you feel-“

“Don’t tell me how I feel,” I cut her off. “You don’t know how I feel. You haven’t bothered to ask. No one in this school has bothered to ask. I’ve had enough of this conversation. If you would like to kick me out for failure to submit assignments, be my guest. I’m sure the minister would be incredibly understanding of your predicament.”

McGonagall just stared at me shocked as I stood up. “I assume you have no complaints about Mr. Malfoy and his lack of assignments. You’re only concerned about appearances right?” 

I didn’t wait for an answer. I walked out the door with Draco hot on my heels. “Hermione,” he said softly. I kept myself rigid as I walked. I couldn’t break down, not yet. 

“Hermione,” he said more firmly, grabbing my wrist and pulling me to a stop. I just looked up at him with an emotionless face. I couldn’t lose it yet. People were watching. “We can wait until we get somewhere private, but please slow down.”

I just nodded and turned back towards the dorm. Draco walked right beside me keeping pace.

Chapter Text

Draco

Hermione Granger gave zero shits. The girl who was the most well-known teacher’s pet just annihilated the headmistress with a few well-spoken sentences. No one could argue that the professors at this school had unrealistic expectations for Hermione. They expected too much and didn’t take into account the fact that Hermione was a victim of war, a muggle-born with no real attachment to the wizarding world, and a person with feelings. At one time she had thrived under those expectations but that was before she spent a year living in tents in search of horcruxes. It was before she was tortured in my home on my drawing-room floor. It was before her parents were killed by death eaters without a semblance of memory to who she was. 

“I’m not going to cry,” Hermione said, squeezing her eyes shut and keeping her body rigid as we entered the head dorm. 

“I won’t judge you either way,” I said gently. We moved to the couch and while I sat down she paced in front of the fireplace. I had learned quickly this meant she wanted to spill every thought rushing through her mind. She had so much anger and then just like that it dissipated. I had noticed her anger was always fleeting. There was always something deeper beneath it. 

“Everyone seems to think the only thing I’m good for is being smart. Do you think that’s true?” She asked, looking up at me with hurt and insecurity laced through her features. 

“Hermione, do you think that’s true?” I asked sternly. 

“No, but…”

“Then don’t let other people make you think that about yourself,” I cut her off. “You’re way more than just smart.”

“It hurts that I trusted McGonagall so much and thought she really did love me and support me. She used me just like every other adult here and she still wants to use me. When will I have done enough?” She asked me with big vulnerable eyes. 

“You never had to do anything to be enough,” I said seriously. “These adults in our lives didn’t seem to consider that we were children and now they don’t seem to see that we’re recovering and traumatized from all the shit they put us through. You’re right Hermione, it’s fucked and the way McGonagall continues to expect things from you is fucked too.”

Hermione nodded her head and then melted onto the sofa beside me. Her head fell on my shoulder and she let her eyes fall closed. “You want some tea?” 

“No, I’m okay,” she said, relaxing a bit. I knew it probably wouldn’t last. She was still upset and angry and McGonagall’s expectations weren’t suddenly going to change. 

“I know you’re not okay,” I said gently. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”

“I know that,” she sighed. “I just want to pretend for right now. Theo said you had something to tell me.”

“Did he?” I chuckled. Of course, the prick was going to make sure I told Hermione. 

“Mhmm,” she hummed. “You know just because I’m fucked up doesn’t mean I can’t help you too. It doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me too.”

“I know Hermione. I know you’re way too strong for the both of us,” I said resting my head on hers. “I have to take my mother to visit my father in Azkaban this weekend. Theo thinks it’s going to lead to my breakdown.”

“And what do you think?” She asked me gently. 

“I think I have a pretty good handle on my emotions,” I sighed. “I’m not going to see my dad anyway. I’m just taking my mom because she’s kind of a mess.”

“Well you know I’m always here,” she said gently. “I won’t judge you for whatever emotion you have.”

“I know,” I nodded. “I appreciate it. I feel bad telling you this but I kind of have the opposite problem as you. I have a lot of people constantly worried about me when I don’t need people worrying. I’m not falling apart and so I wish people would stop treating me like I am.”

“I care about you, but if you don’t want me to worry, I won’t,” Hermione answered softly. She was just about the only person I would let worry about me. 

“I’m really glad we’re friends,” I said seriously. 

“You have no idea,” Hermione said. 

Theo stumbled through the door and took one look at us on the couch before frowning. “What happened? You guys look like someone died.”

“You’re McGonagall’s new favorite,” Hermione said with a huff. 

“Not a chance,” Theo chuckled. 

“I don’t know, I think McGonagall might be actually pissed with Miss Granger,” I smirked. “Hermione didn’t hesitate to rip her to shreds.”

“No fucking way,” Theo grinned. “I need the whole story!”

“I just told her I was sick of the expectations and double standards,” Hermione answered, crossing her arms and sitting up. 

“You’re a badass Hermione,” Theo chuckled. “Fuck all these shitty adults.”

“Fuck ‘em,” I nodded. Hermione just laughed. I was glad she could laugh about it right now. I knew not everything was resolved and she still had those feelings of being inadequate deep down, but I was just happy she wasn’t focused on that for the moment. We could only take so much heaviness before we collapsed.

Chapter Text

Hermione

Draco had left for the manor earlier this morning and I couldn’t help but worry about him. I knew that it was the last thing he wanted and that he could handle himself, but I hated knowing he had so much responsibility. I hated knowing that he had become the parents to his parents. It wasn’t fair, especially after everything they had put him through. If Draco was expected to move on and grow up after being put into impossible situations as a child, his parents should be facing the same expectations. 

“Harry and I were going to head over to Hogsmeade for a butterbeer later today, will you join us?” Ginny asked me at breakfast. She had broken me from my thoughts about Draco and I felt guilty. I was hiding so much from my friends. 

“You want me to be a third wheel?” I asked with a laugh. 

“Well we haven’t seen you in ages and Ron has to catch up on homework,” Ginny shrugged. 

“We just want to catch up with you,” Harry said with a smile. 

“Sure. I’ll join you guys,” I nodded. I needed a distraction from worrying about Draco all day anyway. Ginny gave an excited squeal and Harry just gave an approving nod. 

“We’ll meet you there at three, yeah?” Harry asked. 

“Sure,” I nodded before getting up and leaving the table. I knew deep down that this was going to be a confrontation. I hadn’t spent any time with Ginny in weeks. Harry and Ron had been doing homework on their own. I knew Harry was still worried about that missing assignment. When they found out about my blow up with McGonagall and the amount of time I spent with Draco, it was not going to end well.

“What are you up to today?” Theo asked when I stepped into the dorm. He was sitting on the couch with a book. I knew he was probably more worried about Draco than I was. 

“Ginny and Harry want me to play third wheel with them at Three Broomsticks,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Do you want me to get you some sweets from Honeydukes?”

“Oh sick, yes please! Saves me a trip,” Theo grinned. “You know I’ll eat whatever, but get a couple chocolate frogs and sugar quills.”

“Sure,” I nodded. “Do you think Draco will be back tonight?”

“Yeah, are you going to get him something too?”

“Yeah, I was going to get him a sack of jelly beans. I ate almost all of his last bag,” I laughed.

“Ugh I love you guys, but sometimes it’s so weird you’re friends.” Theo chuckled. 

“Yeah, well weird is not going to be the reaction my friends have when they find out,” I sighed.

“You want to talk about it?” Theo asked. “I know it’s not something super easy to bring up with Draco.”

“It’s not super easy to bring up with you either,” I muttered looking down. “You know that I don’t-”

“Hermione, I know you don’t think I’m a murderer,” Theo said rolling his eyes. “And I know you don’t feel that way about Malfoy either.”

“Yeah,but my friends do. I’ve tried to talk to them about it and they freak out. I’m not going to stop being friends with you guys, I just know as soon as they find out it’s going to absolutely suck for all of us.”

“Oh I’ve just been waiting for shit to hit the fan. Draco has too. We know your friends are assholes. I mean they haven’t given a shit about you in ages. No offense, but we’ve known they were shitty friends and people for a while.”

“You get why it’s hard for me to just let go though, right?” I asked, crossing my arms. 

“Of course,” Theo shrugged. “And, neither one of us expects you to.”

“I better go,” I sighed looking at the clock on the mantle. “I’ll get the sweets for you guys. You think Draco is going to be okay right?”

“He’s always okay,” Theo nodded, giving me a smirk. I just nodded before leaving. 

Harry and Ginny were already waiting in a booth with three butterbeers. “Hermione,” Harry grinned. “We were just starting to get worried.”

“I’m hardly late,” I laughed. It was ten minutes past three. “I got caught up talking with Theo.”

The excuse rolled off my tongue with ease, but I instantly regretted it. 

“You’re friends with him?” Ginny asked, scrunching her nose. 

“I mean I know you don’t have a choice in working with him, but do you really think it’s a good idea to-“

“He’s a nice guy,” I shrugged. “If he wasn’t he wouldn’t be at Hogwarts.”

“Hermione, they let half those Slytherins come back and none of them should be here,” Harry said. “Did you forget everything they’ve done?”

“They were kids just like we were. I'm not here to argue with you though,” I said. This was the last thing I needed. 

“No, we don’t want to fight,” Ginny said with a shake of her head giving Harry a little nudge to the ribs. 

“Right,” Harry nodded. I sipped my butterbeer trying to stay nonchalant. 

“How are you guys doing?” I asked. “I feel like it’s been ages since we’ve had a proper chat.”

“It has,” Ginny smiled. “We’ve been good though. You know it’s just been so nice to have a normal year together.”

“Yeah, I didn’t realize how much we had been missing all those years we were worrying about the war and Voldemort until now,” Harry nodded. 

“It was supposed to be some of the best years of our lives,” I said looking down. 

“It still was. I mean I met my best friends and Ginny. I just can’t imagine how much better it could have been,” Harry said. 

“Yeah,” I nodded with a sigh. Harry didn’t feel the same way that I did. He didn’t see himself as a pawn Dumbledore had used in the war. He thought it was just the way things had to be. There was no other choice but for us to spend our childhood fighting a war we had no business being a part of. He liked being the hero and he didn’t care that he had to give up so much because anything was better than living in that house with his aunt and uncle. Maybe I was the selfish one. Why couldn’t I keep giving to this world? Why couldn’t I just fill my role for the Minister and keep up appearances like Ron and Harry could? 

“You know I think I’ve convinced Harry to stay the extra semester with me. Ron can’t be budged. What are you thinking?” Ginny asked curiously. It didn’t surprise me that Ginny had convinced Harry to stay. He loved her so much and he really was enjoying his life here. He deserved to have a few more months of reprieve. He deserved to live the rest of his life doing whatever he wanted in peace. I wondered if my leaving this world would disrupt that. Would some of the expectations that had been placed on me be transferred to him? As much as I didn’t want that to happen, I wondered if it would make him see just how hard things had been on me. He might have been the centerpiece for the war, but that didn’t mean he was the only one with a list of expectations. 

“I know I’m not staying, but I’m not sure what I’m doing yet,” I replied with a shrug. “The Minister still really wants me.”

“Of course he does,” Ginny smiled. “Who wouldn’t want the brightest witch of our age.”

“And of course you’re going to take it. I mean nothing wrong with that. You still have so much to do for this world.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, feeling that bitter taste on my tongue again. 

“You’re going to do such amazing things,” Harry said seriously. “I can’t wait to see you change the world. No way we’re going to hold you here.”

I just gave a sheepish smile. “Well, we’ll see,” I said, sipping my butterbeer. 

“How are your assignments coming along now?” Ginny asked. “I heard about the confusion with your Charms’ assignment.”

“Oh just fine,” I said absentmindedly. Word traveled fast within the walls of the school. I was surprised they hadn’t heard about my run in with McGonagall. Things were going to blow up as soon as they found out. 

“I get it if you don’t want to talk to us, Hermione,” Ginny said kindly. 

“Yeah we’re not the best at talking about emotions, so I’m not offended, but maybe it could help if you talked to someone. I mean it isn’t like you not to turn in assignments and you haven’t been talking at all in class. I just think it might be a good idea,” Harry said softly. I knew it had been coming. I knew the concerned speech was coming. I knew my lack of keeping up appearances would cause people to start taking notice. 

“I’m fine,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I don’t need to talk to anyone. I’m just busy studying for the exams and figuring out what I’m going to do after I graduate. Answering questions and doing homework just slips my mind sometimes.”

Ginny and Harry both looked a little shocked and still slightly concerned. It wasn’t often that I pushed back against what my friends said. I may be the smartest of the group, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t follow along with whatever my two bozo best friends said. I didn’t like to argue and I didn’t like confrontation, but that had changed over the past few weeks. I wasn’t going to let people push me around or pressure me anymore. 

It would have been one thing for them to ask me about talking to someone when all I could do everyday was hold in my tears until I got to bed that night. But, now that I had Draco to talk to and I was finally starting to see that there would be people who supported me even if I wasn’t the golden girl. The only reason Harry or Ginny thought I should talk to someone now was because I wasn’t following my role in our little world. Even though I was finally starting to feel like I could be happy in the future and I could be a new version of myself, Harry and Ginny and probably Ron thought something was wrong. They thought this was my breaking point, even though I reached my breaking point ages ago and now was finally building myself back up. 

“Okay just know that we’ll love you no matter what,” Harry said hesitantly. 

“I know and I love you both too,” I said with a nod. “I really should get going though. I wanted to pick up a few things before I head back.”

“Oh sure, well it was good seeing you,” Ginny said standing up to give me a hug. 

“Yeah, don’t be a stranger,” Harry chuckled, patting my back. I smiled before leaving. I needed to get out of there. I didn’t want to fight with my friends, but every second I spent with them now made me realize how far apart we were drifting. I didn’t know what hurt worse, my friends not noticing how broken I was or not accepting that I wasn’t just one thing anymore. 

Chapter Text

Draco

“Draco!” Hermione grinned bouncing off the couch as soon as I walked through the door. “How are you?” 

My heart fluttered in my chest at her excitement to see me. She had been worried about me. I really loved her. 

“Hey Hermione,” I smiled, letting her wrap me in a quick hug. “I’m alright.”

“Are you really?” She asked, stepping back and looking at me closely. I couldn’t stop the sheepish smile from growing on my face. I had never had someone so sweet caring about me. I had never had someone with such a good pure heart worried for my well being. 

“I’m a bit tired,” I admitted. “My mom was a mess after her visit. It took a lot of convincing to get her in bed. The house elves are taking care of her now- they’re free in case you were worried.”

“I didn’t expect anything less,” Hermione smiled then frowned a bit as she took in my tired eyes. “If you’re tired you should go back  to your dorm and get some sleep. I would hate to keep you awake.”

“No, I wanted to come and see you and Theo. I actually wanted to talk to you about something,” I said, leading her over to the couch. 

“Oh well Theo should be back any minute. McGonagall wanted to talk to him probably about if he thinks I’m falling apart,” Hermione said, rolling her eyes. “I went to Hogsmeade today though and brought you back some sweets. Let me go get them.”

She seemed happy today. I could tell that being happy had gotten easier for her over the past couple of weeks. She wasn’t constantly seconds away from crying. I liked to think that I might have had something to do with it, but I wouldn’t let myself get a big head over it. I was just being a good friend after years of being the shittiest person on earth. 

“Here you go,” she smiled, setting a bag of red jelly beans on my lap. She set down a handful of chocolate frogs and sugar quills on the coffee table before sitting beside me. “Those are for Theo. Did you want to talk about your day?”

“Thank you,” I said seriously. “You know my mom just gets so upset after seeing my dad in there. She cries the rest of the day. I know she loves him so much, but it’s hard for me to relate.”

“I’m sorry things are so complicated,” Hermione frowned. “It’s not fair that you’re still dealing with so much.”

“I could say the same about you,” I said with a frown. I didn’t want a pity party and I wasn’t going to let Hermione think for one second that her life wasn’t just as hard if not harder than mine. “Who did you go to Hogsmeade with?”

“Harry and Ginny,” she said, rolling her eyes. “They think I need to talk to someone because of that missing charms assignment and I haven’t been participating in class as much.”

“And what do you think?” I asked, watching her closely. I could tell she was really annoyed by their remarks, but I wanted to hear why. I wanted to hear what her beautiful brain was thinking. 

“They didn’t care until I stopped being the brightest witch of our age,” she deadpanned. 

“It makes me really upset that the people you loved and thought loved you didn’t notice how much you were hurting. It pisses me off that they seem to have everything wrong about you,” I sighed trying not to let my anger show. That was the last thing she needed. 

“Honey I’m home!” Theo called as he stepped through the door. “Draco! It’s good to see you. How was your day?”

“Oh it was fine,” I waved off. 

“He’s tired,” Hermione frowned.

“That asshole is always tired,” Theo smirked, his eyes lighting up when he saw the sweets resting on the coffee table. “You, Hermione, are the best. How was your day? You’re not falling apart are you? McGonagall seems to think so.”

“I told you,” Hermione said pointedly. “It’s only a matter of time before everyone else starts asking me that question too.”

“You know they’re going to blame you Draco?” Theo glanced over at me as if asking if I could handle it. 

“I’m well aware that things are going to go to shit the second people hear about our friendship. I don’t really care because the only people who matter know that isn’t true.”

“Brave man,” Theo smirked, ripping open a chocolate frog. His face lit up as he pulled out the card and he tossed it over to Hermione. I watched her nose scrunch as she looked down at it and placed it on the table face down. Curiosity got the best of me and I found myself picking it up to be met with Hermione’s face. Her aversion to chocolate frogs made sense now. It was just another reminder of who she was expected to be. I tapped my wand over the picture and it was replaced with my own face. When I handed it back to her she gave me a grin and a little laugh that sent my heart fluttering. 

“Draco, did you say you wanted to talk about something?” Hermione asked, placing the card back onto the table this time face up. I looked at Theo a bit nervously. He would be there for moral support if this went horribly wrong. He gave me a reassuring nod.

“I’ve thought a lot about the idea of going to live in the muggle world after this semester,” I said, studying her eyes as I spoke. She hadn’t given anything away. “I want to go and if you’re serious about going too, I want to go with you.”

This time Hermione couldn’t hide her surprise. Her eyes widened a bit, but there was a little smile resting on her lips. She wasn’t disgusted by this idea. “You want to come with me?” She asked, her voice high. 

“I mean I don’t know anything about the muggle world and I don’t think you know anyone there. We could keep each other company and you could keep me from making a complete fool of myself. I feel like we’ve gotten close the past few weeks and I just want to continue to be there for you.”

“Yes, please come with me,” she nodded, her eyes filled with excitement. I could see a million thoughts flying through her mind. “Oh my gosh we could be roommates and I’ll teach you everything. I can teach you how to use a phone, a tv, a car, and a toaster. It will be so much fun. We can still study together and you can help me make friends and…”

“You two are so nerdy,” Theo chuckled. “You’re going to take over the muggle world now too.”

“That’s the last thing we’re going to do,” Hermione laughed lightly. This was good. Seeing her so happy was way too good. “Oh I can’t wait to start planning. We have to apply to university and find an apartment. Maybe in the next few weeks we can take a trip to visit the schools and look at apartments.”

“Whatever you want, Hermione.” Her excitement had completely washed away any of the feelings I had about my mother and father from earlier today. 

“How are you going to break the news to the minister?” Theo asked, looking at Hermione. Her smile faded a bit and I wanted to sock Theo, but I also knew it was a valid question.

“Next time McGonogall pulls me to her room, I’ll just tell her. And if she never does, well they’ll figure it out when I disappear,” she shrugged. “They didn’t give a shit when they thought I was following their rules, so I don’t really feel the need to give a shit either.”

“I like this new Hermione,” Theo grinned. 

“Will you like me when I’m a nerd in the muggle world?” She asked curiously. 

“You guys better get a three bedroom apartment because I’m going to be visiting all the fucking time,” Theo grinned.

“You’re the only person from this world I want to visit with,” Hermione smiled. For the first time in a long time both of us saw the future as something to look forward to instead of something to dread. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

“We’ve decided on Oxford right? There are plenty of witches and wizards from Hogwarts who have made seamless transitions into Oxford. The President there is familiar with the wizarding world, so as long as we get our information sent over it won’t be a problem,” I explained to Draco. Ever since he had told me his plan to join me in the muggle world everything had gotten so much more real. I was filled with excitement and couldn’t stop myself from constantly researching and discussing our plans. Draco didn’t complain once and always let me talk for as long as I liked. When I had self-consciously told him he could tell me to shut up whenever he got bored, he told me he could listen to me talk about nothing for the entire day. 

“We’ll have to do it ourselves. I don’t trust any of these professors to support you wholeheartedly. It’s best if we handle this ourselves,” Draco said seriously. I nodded hating that I agreed but knowing it was true. 

“I already have both of our transcripts,” I said, pulling them from my purse. “I’m pretty sure McGonagall would do anything in her power to force me into a job at the ministry.”

“I hate that it’s true, but I’m glad that you can see she doesn’t have your best interest at heart,” Draco sighed. Taking the papers and examining them closely. “I want you to send these out. I know that you trust me, but I just want you to feel confident about everything.”

“It’s why I need to leave here so badly. I trusted so many people just to have them use me for their own gain,” I said, shaking my head. “I trust you wholeheartedly, but I know what you mean. I would feel better being the one to send everything out anyway. You know I can be a bit of a control freak.”

“You’re the expert and I wouldn’t expect anything else,” he smiled. “Eventually you’ll have to break the news to everyone, you know?”

“They will send our acceptance letters to both us and McGonagall, she will find out then and word will travel quickly just as it has with my charms assignment,” I explained in a tone that was much more calm than how I actually felt about the situation. 

“No one has mentioned your meeting with McGonagall,” Draco noted with a little smirk. 

“You think she would like to tell the other professors or students that she was told off by a nineteen year old in her first semester as headmistress?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Theo said she’s painting me as unstable. It’s only a matter of time until people believe it. When they do, then she can bring up my ‘outburst’.”

Theo had filled us in on his meeting with McGonagall when I finally pressed him on it. I knew he was hesitant because he thought it would hurt my feelings or push me to the place I had been at the beginning of the year. I expected it now though and with the support of people who could truly see me, I wasn’t going to fall back into that place. If I did, it wouldn’t destroy me like it used to because I knew Draco and Theo would do anything to pull me out. 

Theo had told us that McGonagall had been asking lots of questions about what I had been up to in the dorm. Painting the questions as those asked out of concern for my well being. She noted my lack of dedication to my studies and my temperamental nature as of late. She was worried I was isolating myself. I hadn’t realized how effective she was at manipulating people. She always had been though. She had convinced me she took a special interest in me solely because we were so similar. I hadn’t realized until much later that the reason for her mentorship had been because she knew I would lead Harry and Ron in the right direction. She knew my best friends didn’t have the brains or gusto to defeat the dark lord on their own. I had once thrived under and loved all the expectations she had for me, but that was before I realized that those expectations would now follow me forever. She would always expect me to save the world, now in much more nuanced ways. 

“Sometimes you’re too smart for your own good,” Draco chuckled as I blinked out of my trance. “I’m so lucky to be friends with you.”

“Wait until Ron or Harry tries to throw a punch at you,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I don’t think you’ll be saying that anymore.” 

“I’ve already been punched by you, I know what to expect now and I’ve learned quite a bit about defending myself. I hate to tell you this, but if those assholes want to cause a scene, I’ll make it bigger. They’re not getting away with treating you like shit and then pretending to care at the very last minute,” Draco shrugged. “You can try and convince me not to, but when the time comes they will understand just how awfully they’ve treated you. They will understand that they lost the right to care a long time ago.”

“You are insufferable,” I said trying to remain serious, but I couldn’t contain a small smile. It felt good to be cared about so deeply. It felt good to be protected. 

“And you are too nice,” Draco shrugged. 

“Have you thought about what you want to do about your parents? I mean have you told them?” I asked him curiously. I knew he was serious about moving to the muggle world but I was curious how much he had really thought about it. His parents had been a question floating around my mind for ages. 

“I talked to my mom about it when we went to visit my father. Her sister is coming to live with her after Christmas, so she won’t be alone and wants me to go. She knows it’s been hard for me here. She knows a normal life in the wizarding world is out of the question, so she supports me leaving. As for my father, you know I don’t give a fuck about him. I will never see that man again and I have no qualms about it.”

I nodded thoughtfully. He really had thought this through. He really was dead set on coming with me. His mother even approved. “That makes me feel better. And it’s not like we can never return to the wizarding world. I mean you could visit your mother whenever you wanted.”

“Exactly,” Draco nodded. “Though, I don’t think I will be going back more than once a month. That house doesn’t hold the best memories for either of us.”

“No, it doesn’t,” I agreed, touching the sleeve resting over my scar. Draco took my arm in his hand and then gently pulled up the sleeve. He did this periodically. I knew it was because he still felt guilty over having stood there and watched it be carved into my arm. I also knew this and the fact that he had watched it reopen and healed it had given him a sense of responsibility into making sure it didn’t happen again. I didn’t need him to coddle me and worry constantly, but I didn’t stop him because I knew it made him feel better. I didn’t want him to feel guilty anymore and I knew this eased the guilt. 

He brushed his finger gently over the scar and I stared at him avoiding the constant reminder that blemished my skin. “I wish it would fade. I hate that I can’t do anything to take it away.”

“You’ve done enough for me,” I said, touching his cheek softly. “Please know that you have done so much more than I could ever ask for.”

“I’m just trying to make up for how much you’re going to have to help me in the muggle world,” Draco smirked. 

“I can’t wait to teach you everything,” I smiled and it was true. I got a rush of excitement every time I thought about learning what his favorite tv shows would be or seeing his face light up the first time I sent him a text. The muggle world was becoming just as exciting as the wizarding world used to be.

Chapter Text

Draco

“I mean everything is going to be smaller than the manor,” Hermione said nervously as we stood outside the first apartment she had on her list. 

“I never want to live in a place as big as the manor again. I would actually like to be able to find the people I’m living with without searching for hours,” I said seriously. I hated that she was so nervous. She shouldn’t be nervous around me. I would live in the Shrieking Shack if it meant I got to live with her. 

“I just don’t want you to be disappointed or surprised,” she said before pulling me inside. There was a realtor waiting in the lobby for us. She gave us a kind smile. 

“Hermione and Draco, it is so lovely to meet you both,” she smiled. “I’m Heather Gray. This is a lovely three bedroom. I think you two are going to be really happy here.”

“Thank you,” Hermione said. Hermione was all business now and she studied every part of the apartment like she was a building inspector. When she finished her thorough inspection, she looked up at me. 

“What do you think?” She asked. 

“Uh,” I said dumbly. How did I tell her I was too busy watching her to even notice the apartment? 

“Let’s take a walk-through together, yeah?” She asked with a gentle smile. I just nodded. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. 

“I think the kitchen is really quite nice. It’s big enough for both of us to cook at the same time,” she said, running a hand along the counter. “You need space if you’re cooking without magic.”

“I’ve never had to cook before,” I admitted. 

“Another thing I’ll get to teach you,” she smiled. “It will be fun.”

“It will,” I agreed, though I had no idea where to begin imagining what cooking together might look like. 

“These bedrooms are a nice size too,” she said, leading me to the first bedroom. We stood in the doorway examining the empty room. 

“They all have nice views of campus,” I nodded with a smile. “What did you find in your inspection?”

“Well there is a leaky faucet in the third bedroom and the vents need to be cleaned. The windows look like they need to be resealed. It will help with negotiating rent,” she said her voice back to business. 

“Do you want to still look at the other apartments?” I asked. 

“Oh yeah, we want to know what all our options are,” Hermione nodded. I just nodded, I liked this side of Hermione. She could be Minister and thrive, but it made sense why she desperately wanted to escape that. 

For the next two hours we toured five different apartments. At each place, Hermione did her inspection and then led me through the apartment. I tried to picture myself living there with Hermione. It was hard picturing a muggle life when I knew so little about it, but any amount of domestic life with Hermione was going to be well worth any struggles. 

“This one,” Hermione grinned the second we stepped in. “Look at those windows, Draco. Wow.” She moved to the windows before the realtor had even gotten the door opened all the way. I watched her stand looking out at the city below. It was beautiful and she looked beautiful as well. 

“It’s a great view and lots of natural light,” I nodded, coming to stand beside her. 

“Can’t you picture it?” She asked, looking at the big open space before us. “We get home from a long day of classes and settle down on the couch right there. We can talk about our days and eat take out or we can come to the kitchen and cook. I mean we could have people over and talk to them while we cook. Look how open it is.”

And just like that, I could picture it. I didn’t need to know what muggle life or cooking looked like to see life with Hermione forming in this apartment. I could see us placing a piano by the windows and I could teach Hermione to play or I could play while she read. We could invite friends over and no one would think it strange that we were friends. They would just accept it because that was all they knew. There were three bedrooms, so eventually Theo could come to visit us and everyone would think he was our strange eclectic friend from the countryside. They would laugh at his strange stories and accept him because he loved us. 

“I can see it, Hermione,” I nodded and a giant grin grew on her face. 

“Then this is it?” She asked optimistically. 

“This is it,” I nodded. 

“I will get it sorted,” she said, squeezing my arm, and then she was off doing her twenty-point inspection. I watched her analyze every pipe, window, and door with determination. Then she listed her concerns with the real estate agent and before I knew it, we were signing a renters agreement for half the price as advertised with a move-in date just after Christmas. 

It was the first time I was excited for the new year. The future was a crazy thing- especially when death wasn’t waiting right around the corner. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

Fuck, fuck, fuck. McGonogall was headed straight for me with a look of pure anger. Of course I hadn’t had time to stop by the dorm yet. Our acceptance letters must be waiting on my bed. I wasn’t even going to get a chance to revel in our success before I got yelled at. Of course Draco was nowhere to be found. I was going to have to deal with McGonagall's wrath all on my own. 

“Hermione, my office,” was all she said, not even bothering to stop. I let my head hang as I followed her. She was going to destroy any of the happiness I had right now. She was going to do anything possible to make me join the Minister. 

McGonagall let the office door close with a slam. I jumped slightly. Loud noises still affected me even after all these months. 

“Would you like to explain this?” She asked, slapping a packet of papers on her desk in front of me. I let my eyes wander over the Oxford seal and my name printed at the top. I felt a swirl of overwhelming joy until I caught the look of disappointment and disdain in McGonagall's face. 

“Draco and I have decided to try out a muggle university for a few years,” I said, wrapping my arms around my stomach hoping it would protect me from whatever blow she tried to throw. 

McGonagall let out an actual laugh. “Oh Hermione, you silly naive girl. I should have known that even the brightest witch of our age could fall for the charms of a Malfoy. You can’t seriously think it’s a good idea to throw your life away for a boy who tormented you through all of school. I know what happened in that drawing room Hermione, are you really dumb enough to believe the boy who couldn’t even prevent that scar on your arm would be a good choice to support you in an entirely different world?”

Her words were harsh and each one felt like a shard hitting my heart. How could she be so cruel? How could she be so judgemental? Did she really think that lowly of me? Had these always been her true feelings or was she just speaking out of anger?

“He has been nothing but kind and supportive since this year started. We forgave each other a long time ago for the things that we couldn’t control and put the past in the past. We were just kids. I haven’t fallen for his charms, it was my idea to go to muggle university and he decided to tag along, not the other way around,” I said trying to remain confident, but it was hard. She seemed so disappointed and it had always been my goal not to disappoint her. It hurt knowing that doing something that was right for me could cause such a harsh reaction. 

“You're a smart girl- one of the smartest I’ve ever met. Do you really think Draco has thought this through? Do you think he will last in a world so different from his own?” She asked, attempting to plant seeds of doubt. What if she was right? What if Draco got sick of constantly having to ask me for help? What if he couldn’t stand the muggle world?

“He’s never had a hard life, Hermione. He won’t enjoy the acclimation process. Do you really want to be left alone in the muggle world? Do you realize that if you leave, no one in this world will want anything to do with you again. You will have abandoned your community, friends, and government when they need you the most. None of your old friends or family will want to see you again. When Draco abandons you, you will have no one left,” she said, causing my chest to tighten again. I couldn’t go back to a world where I had no one. Had I been alienating myself from the people I had known all my life? Was Draco manipulating me into thinking they weren’t good for me? No, Draco cared. I knew Draco cared, but how much longer would he care about me?

“You have had friends for seven years now. Do you really want to leave them for someone who you hardly know? Draco Malfoy does not understand you and has not learned how to put up with you like your friends have. You are something he couldn’t have and eventually the glamor of that is going to fade away and he will leave you…”

I couldn’t bring myself to talk. My mind was too busy spinning with her words. I couldn’t be alone again. I couldn’t go through that again. She was right though, Draco would get sick of me. I was insufferable. I had been told that by just about everyone I knew. No one wanted to listen to someone talk about books and school for hours on end. Draco would get sick of my constant mood swings and clinginess. I was already getting attached to him. 

“Don’t make a stupid mistake you can’t come back from,” McGonogall said. “You have time to fix things, so I’ll let you figure out what you really want. You’re smart and I know you will make the right decision.”

Just like that I was back in the corridor outside her office questioning my life choices. I made my way back to the dorm deep in thought and praying that Draco would remain MIA for at least the next few hours. I couldn’t let him see me so weak. How could I let McGonagall manipulate me so easily? Was she manipulating me or was Draco or was everyone? How was I supposed to know who I could trust anymore? How was I supposed to know who wasn’t using me?

“Hey Hermione!” Theo grinned as I stepped into the dorm. “You got some mail this morning. I think you’ll want to wait until Draco is here to open it. He had to finish up some-”

“I think I’d like to be alone for a bit,” I said, cutting him off and moving to the stairs. 

“Hermione, is everything alright?” Theo asked worriedly. 

“Fine, just tired,” I said, waving him off before disappearing into my dorm. 

On my desk rested a thick white envelope with the Oxford emblem. I let my finger trace over the lettering. We had already signed the renters agreement, but Draco was rich he could probably keep paying even if he decided to go back to the manor. Would he really leave me? It wouldn’t be surprising. People tended to leave without  a word. I had so many people I thought were my friends from the muggle world, who never answered my letters. Would moving to the muggle world be the reason Harry, Ron, Ginny, and the other Weaselys stopped speaking to me? How long would it take for Draco to join them? Was I destined to be alone for the rest of my life? Would I constantly be in a cycle of people being friends with me until they got sick of me? 

Chapter Text

Draco

“Finally, what the hell took you so long?” Theo asked the second I stepped into the dorm. I was taken aback by the look of urgency in his eyes. 

“You knew I was going to be out. Furniture shopping is a whole ordeal,” I said with a huff. “Muggle stores are like another world and figuring out the money is something I’m going to need Hermione’s help with. I have no idea if I spent too much.”

“I bet you did chump,” Theo smirked. “But Hermione is going through something. She’s been locked in her room all day.”

“Fuck,” I huffed moving to the staircase. “You should have gotten in contact with me.”

“Yeah cause I could have flooed you in a furniture store,” Theo said, rolling his eyes. “Go figure out what’s wrong with your girlfriend.”

“Don’t say that shit around her,” I scolded. I rushed up the stairs and gently tapped on her door. When she didn’t answer, I just opened the door. I wasn’t going to let her go through whatever she was going through alone. 

I found her curled in bed with a blanket pulled over her head. “Hermione?” I asked softly, coming to sit on the edge of her bed. She turned over to face me. Her eyes were red and puffy. She had been crying. 

“There’s an envelope for you on my desk,” she said, her voice raw. I moved quickly to the desk and found an unopened envelope with the Oxford crest. My name rested proudly on the front. There was an identical envelope with Hermione’s name. I brought them both over and sat down on the bed right next to Hermione making sure to kick my shoes off first. 

“I believe this one's for you,” I smiled as she turned on her side to face me. She eyed it skeptically. 

“Want to talk about what’s going on in that big brain of yours?” I asked, tapping her forehead. “I have to admit I’m a little worried about you.”

“I don’t want to be alone forever,” she said, tucking her head against the pillow. 

“What are you talking about?” I asked, feeling a bit nervous. I didn’t like how upset she was. I needed to know what had happened since I had been gone. I needed to know who caused this.

“I had a meeting with McGonagall,” she said with a shaky breath and things started to fall into place. Of course that bitch had gotten into her head. 

“Talk to me about it,” I said, moving to lay down on the pillow beside her so we were at eye level. 

“If I leave the wizarding world they won’t accept me back. I will have abandoned them when they need me. I’ll lose Harry and Ron and Ginny and probably the other Weasleys. Are you going to leave me too? You might get sick of me or hate the muggle world…”

She hadn’t opened her eyes like she was scared to look at me. Like it would make everything more real. “Look at me for a second,” I said softly. She slowly opened her tear filled eyes and it broke my heart. 

“I could never be sick of you and I am fully committed to moving to the muggle world. I know that it’s going to be hard. I don’t expect it to be easy, but you did the same thing at eleven years old, so I think I’ll be okay. I spent today buying furniture for the apartment. I wanted to surprise you, but I feel like you need to know that I’m all in.

“And in case you forgot, your name is on a chocolate frog card, so I don’t think anyone in the wizarding world is ever going to hate you or turn their back on you. You’ve done enough for this world and it’s time for you to think about yourself. If the people you love can’t see how this is only going to help, then they don’t deserve you. You’re going to make friends in the muggle world too and Theo and I aren't going anywhere.”

“I’m scared,” she admitted, looking up at me with big eyes. “I don’t know if I can trust myself anymore. How am I supposed to know who is really looking out for me?”

“Oh Hermione,” I sighed, unable to prevent the pity from creeping into my voice. “I wish I could tell you, but only you can decide. Just know I won’t be offended if you choose to listen to the woman and friends who have been there for much longer than I have. I’ll understand.”

“I think you’re a good person,” Hermione whispered, taking my hand in her own. “You’re so nice to me.”

“That’s not going to change,” I said, squeezing her hand gently. “Do you want to talk to your friends before opening these envelopes?”

“No, I already know what they’re going to say,” she sighed. “They’ll try and talk me out of it too. Why don’t the people who care about me seem to understand that this is what I need?”

“You’re valuable, Hermione. You hold a lot of power. If McGonagall can get you on her side she can influence you into making decisions that benefit her agenda, same with the minister. And you’re a really good friend, Ron and Harry have been held up by you for a long time. They probably don’t want to live in a world where they don’t have you to lean on. I’m not saying any of that is a fact, but that’s my logic.”

Hermione eyed me thoughtfully. “I think you’re right and that really sucks,” she said with a pout. “Did you really go furniture shopping today?”

“I got a couch and kitchen table, but if you don’t like them we can get something different. I think they might have scammed me because I really don’t get muggle money,” I admitted in an attempt to make her smile. It worked. 

“I like picturing you in the muggle world,” she said with a breathy laugh. “I’m excited to show you everything, but I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed or get sick of me.”

“I told you, it’s not going to happen,” I said sincerely. “Getting to learn from the Hermione Granger is something I should be paying for. You’re so talented and smart and I can’t wait to explore this new world with you.”

“Let’s open the envelopes,” she said, sitting up with a determined look on her face. “You are not manipulating me. You are genuine and I believe that.”

“I appreciate that,” I said, patting her knee and handing her the envelope with her name. I slid my finger under the edge already knowing what was inside. Hermione had already told me a thick envelope was a good sign. 

I pulled out the letter and the only word I needed to see was congratulations. 

“It’s official,” she smiled, resting her head on my shoulder. “I mean it was when we signed the renters agreement, but now the plan is complete.”

“Only a few more weeks,” I grinned. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

“Do you know how hard it is to decide what classes I’m going to take?” I asked Draco as we stared down at the course catalog for Oxford. I felt ready to pull my hair out at all the options. How was I supposed to narrow it down to five?

“That’s why I’m here. I’m not letting you repeat Hogwarts. You can be smart and enjoy school, but no timeturners or overworking yourself,” Draco chuckled. “We have all the time in the world and between the two of us we have enough money for you to go to school for as long as you want and take every class you want.”

“Okay well I know I want to take a literature class and a writing class. Maybe you could help me start there,” I nodded. Draco knew how to calm my constantly whirring mind. He knew how to keep me from spiraling into an anxiety attack. 

“You’re okay with us not taking the same classes right? I’m thinking of delving into science and math a bit.”

“Of course. Going to the muggle world for school is not just for me. This is just as much for you.”

“Good. Then maybe you should take British lit. It will be a good introduction into what’s been written right here where we live,” Draco said. “Although it’s a possibility you’ve already read all the books.”

“But not with a professor who can help us dive even deeper,” I replied. I was excited to read muggle books with other muggles. I was excited to be surrounded by people who were similar to my childhood and parents again. 

“You are such a dork, but I truly mean that In the nicest way.”

“And you are an asshole,” I smirked. Before either of us could even think to look back down at the catalog, a head of messy black hair and a burly redhead with a red face came storming up to us. My heart seized and my jaw clenched in panic. I felt Draco tense beside me and watched his fist clench in his lap. 

“Hermione why the fuck did we hear you’re going against McGonagall and the Minister’s advice? Are you seriously thinking about living back to the muggle world?” Ron shouted although he was standing right in front of us. 

“I’ve already decided,” I replied, tucking the course catalog discreetly into my purse. “I’ve been accepted to Oxford and I’ve already found a place to live. There is no changing my mind.” 

“Is your brain fucking leaking out of your head Hermione? Is there some kind of poison in that scar on your arm that’s affecting your judgment?”

“Ron-“ Harry scolded knowing he was taking it too far.

“No, because you realize she decided this without even thinking about us. She didn’t even consider the people who have treated her like family for the past eight years. She probably wasn’t even going to tell us,” Ron said with a huff. 

“I need to do this for me,” I said to Harry, feeling like I was pleading. I shouldn’t have to plead with my best friend. “I need a break from the place that took my childhood away. I need a break from the constant expectations and pressure to be perfect and smart. I just want to go home and start over for a bit.”

Harry’s eyes softened and for a second I thought he might cave. I thought he understood, then Ron let out a dark chuckle. 

“What home? Last time I checked you destroyed your own home and your own family. I mean they didn’t even know who you were when they died did they?”

The words were like a knife to my chest. How could someone I cared about say something like that to me? How could they bring up something so raw. 

“You need to shut the fuck up before I make you,” Draco said jumping off the window seat and standing in front of me anger radiating from every pore in his body.

“Ron seriously,” Harry scolded, clearly annoyed. “That’s not-“

“You’re taking the murderer’s side? He’s probably the one that killed her parents. You realize she is disappearing with him. She’s leaving us for him. She’s going to come crawling back when she realizes how stupid this whole thing is and are you really going to let her?”

“The way you talk about him makes you just as bad as Voldemort,” I spit standing up so I could see over Draco’s shoulder. “He was a pawn just like us and he has helped me more than you could ever understand.”

“Don’t you dare come near me or my family again. None of us want a single thing to do with a traitor like you,” Ron spit, turning on his heel.

“Hermione, I’m sorry. I didn’t think he would… that’s not how I feel. Please let’s talk soon,” Harry said, eyes wide and worried. Draco moved to the side letting me face my best friend. My heart ached and I just prayed he meant it. I couldn’t fathom losing everyone. I just nodded my head. 

“I love you Hermione,” he whispered before walking away. 

“Hermione,” Draco said softly. I couldn’t meet his eyes. I couldn’t talk about this. It was one thing for Ron to be angry and upset. It was a totally different thing for him to bring up my parents and scar in such a negative way. A friend would never bring up your biggest trauma and insecurities in such a negative way. 

I knew Draco knew about my parents. Everyone did. After the war, Reeta Skeeter released a tell all interview with Harry and Ron about our life during our seventh year. The world knew about us living in tents as we searched for horcruxes. They knew about the countless near death experiences we had and the way I supported Harry when Ron needed to be there for his family. They didn’t know about our night in the manor but Ron had let it slip about my parents. The world knew I had obliviated my parents and sent them to Australia and they found out at the same time as me that they had not made it through the war. I hadn’t participated in the interview because when the war was over I was ready to move on. I did my part and I didn’t need to do anymore. Harry felt like the face and Ron loved the publicity, so the two were constantly in the press, even now. I wrapped my arms tightly around my stomach trying to disappear within myself as the memories flooded through my mind. 

“Let’s go back to the dorm. You don’t need to say anything if you don’t want to, but we don’t need to sit out here,” Draco said gingerly, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I just followed silently as I hugged my elbows. I felt so small and broken at that moment. Ron really knew how to tear someone down with just a few words. He had done it before over a kiss I shared with Krum at the Yule Ball, so I should have known abandoning him and the wizarding world with Draco Malfoy was going to be much worse. I should have known the person who knew all my insecurities and trauma could easily turn it all against me. Could Draco do the same thing to me?

Chapter Text

Draco

Hermione was sinking further and further within herself as we moved towards the dorm. I hated seeing her shut down when I so desperately wanted to help her. 

“Finally,” Theo exclaimed as we pushed through the door. “You two keep forgetting that I’m your friend too.” 

He froze when he saw Hermione though. It wouldn’t necessarily be obvious to just anyone that she was hurt and upset. Her face was rather emotionless and her eyes were pretty vacant, but to the people who cared about her that’s what gave it away. Hermione shut down when she was upset, so she wouldn’t bother anyone else with her problems. 

“What happened? What’s wrong?” Theo asked, standing up filled with worry. 

“Nothing-“

“Don’t even try that bullshit with me,” Theo said, shaking his head. “What happened?” He asked, looking to me. 

“Ron and Harry found out and Ron was a major asshole about the whole thing. I mean more than an asshole,” I replied, still gently rubbing Hermione’s back. 

“And Harry?” Theo asked. I looked down to Hermione. She knew him better. She knew if what he said was genuine. 

“I don’t think he agrees with Ron, at least not to such an extreme,” Hermione said, her voice small and weak. Theo took us both by surprise when he walked over and wrapped Hermione in a hug. 

“You’re too sad and it’s breaking my heart and I know this asshole won’t give you a hug even though you need it,” he said, holding her tightly. “Whether or not Harry continues to support you. Draco and I aren’t going anywhere. You are not alone.”

“Thank you,” she said, sounding muffled against his shoulder. “I needed to hear that.” 

Theo let go and gave her a slight nod before backing away. “Can we talk?” She asked, looking between the two of us. We both nodded quickly. 

“Let’s have a seat. I’ll send for some tea,” Theo said, guiding her over to the couch. They sat beside each other and I chose to sit in the armchair beside them. Hermione sat in silence for a beat rubbing her forearm gently. Seeing the gesture always caused my heart to seize for a moment, but I knew she was doing it solely because she was nervous and not because she was in pain. She pressed her lips into a thin line before finally seeming to have a full grasp on her thoughts. Hermione rarely spoke without intention. She always had purpose behind her words and rarely talked just for the sake of it. I had a feeling I was one of the few people she let see the inside of her brain when she spilled her thoughts without a filter. 

“You both know what happened in the drawing room, yes?” She asked her hand now resting firmly on her forearm. She looked between the two of us as we nodded and then her eyes trained on Theo, who had not been in the room. 

“Draco told me, right after,” Theo admitted. I couldn’t blame him for telling the truth but I wanted to kick him. I didn’t know how Hermione would act knowing that I spilled such private information. 

“The people in that mansion and you Theo are the only people that know what happened that night,” she said softly. “It’s not something I like to talk about at all.”

I could see her throat bob as she swallowed thickly. If only she knew I was just as haunted by that night as she was. If only she knew how badly I wished I had done more to save her. 

“Harry and Ron… Well, more specifically Ron has been bringing up that night a bit too often for my liking. They both know I don’t want anyone knowing about it, but the way Ron keeps bringing it up makes me nervous. Anyway, I just want you to know that whatever Ron says, I never blamed you for anything that happened. We made our amends in the sixth year and nothing that happened during the war ever affected my forgiveness. I know things would have been much worse for the both of us if you intervened and I also know you saved us by covering Harry’s identity. If anything I should be thanking you,” Hermione said, causing me to feel absolutely sick to my stomach. 

“Don’t say that. Please Hermione, don’t say that,” I said with a shake of my head. If only she understood that the reason Belatrix hated her so much was not just because of her blood, but because of the file folder tucked in a drawer of my brain labeled specifically for the curly haired girl sitting beside me. Before I had learned to hide those precious folders from prying eyes, Belatrix had seen my love for someone outside of our bloodline and created a personal vendetta against the brightest witch of our age. 

“With all due respect Hermione, Draco has a bit of a complex about that night and I don’t think he is going to change his mind on it. However, I and probably deep down Draco both respect and appreciate your words. It means a lot to have your support despite everything we have all gone through.”

“You both will always have it, so long as you remain who you are,” Hermione nodded. “I’m scared though. I’m scared to lose the last bit of family I have left.”

“What Ron said about your parents, you don’t believe that right?” I asked worriedly. When her face paled a bit and she bit her lip a little too hard, my stomach sunk. I knew Theo saw it too. 

“Woah, woah, woah, what did that asshole say about your parents?” Theo asked, getting a bit hot headed. The way we showed anger was very different. Theo would get red faced and loud, whereas I tended to get quiet and tense. I looked to Hermione. I wasn’t letting her get out of talking about it. It was her story not mine. 

“Do you guys know what happened?” She asked, looking at her hands. 

“They died in Australia,” I replied softly. I didn’t want to say the rest. I knew that was the part that hurt the most for her. 

“Ron implied that I destroyed my family and then implied that Draco was the one to kill them,” Hermione said, her voice tight and then she looked up at me with wide eyes and an open mouth. “Oh my god, no I don’t think that you had anything to do with my parents’ death.”

“I know that Hermione,” I said with a wave of my hand. We were well past that conversation. “Do you genuinely believe you destroyed your family?”

When Hermione was silent for a beat too long, Theo sucked in a breath. “Hermione, no.” 

“They would still be alive if I wasn’t who I am,” she mumbled, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. 

“Sometimes I feel the same way,” I said softly. “My parents would never have needed to protect me if I wasn’t around. That doesn’t solve anything though. Your parents would hate to know how much guilt you’re holding.”

“There aren’t many people willing to give up their family to protect them. Your parents were lucky to have a daughter who cared so much. I don’t think they would have wanted to change that even if they knew how it would end,” Theo said, touching her knee gently. 

“Even if they didn’t remember you at the time, they do now. And, I bet they are so proud of you,” I said seriously. “They don’t blame you.”

Hermione nodded swiping beneath her eyes attempting to block the tears that were welling up from falling. 

“I know you’re scared of losing your closest friends and people you consider family. I don’t blame you. But, the people you are calling friends, aren’t treating you like a real friend would. A friend would support whatever you feel you need to do wholeheartedly and they would never bring up topics that are going to trigger you like this,” Theo said shaking his head. 

“Ron might be hurting right now because maybe he is feeling abandoned, but that doesn’t give him permission to be a dick. As much as Harry wasn’t a dick, he still should have been defending you. Ron never should have spoken to you that way,” I said, trying to contain my anger and emotions. I hated seeing Hermione let herself be pushed around. 

“We will be here for you no matter what,” Theo said, squeezing her knee gently. 

“Thank you,” she said, taking a deep breath and looking up at me. 

“Anything,” I nodded. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

I rubbed my scar a bit too harshly as I sat across from Harry. We were in Draco and I’s nook in the library. Draco was sitting a few tables away with his head down pretending to study. He had insisted when I told him how nervous I was. He wanted to be there in case things got out of hand. 

“I’m sorry about the conversation in the hallway,” Harry said looking down at his own hands. “Ron and I are not seeing eye to eye right now. I just feel like I need to hear you out. You are nothing if not a planner and an over thinker, I know there must be a reason for this,” Harry said looking up at me. I kept my eyes fixed on the sleeve of my forearm for a long time. What was I willing to tell Harry? What could I say without breaking his heart or making him angry?

“Hermione, I know that you haven’t been okay since the war. I know I haven’t been there for you in the way you need. You can tell me whatever it is. I will understand,” Harry said, reaching across the table to gently grab my hand. “You are like a sister to me. You aren’t going to lose me no matter what you say.” 

“I don’t want to be Hermione Granger, Golden Girl, Brightest Witch of our Age anymore. I’m just so tired of the expectations and pressure. I just want to be normal.” I felt my throat tighten and I mentally scolded myself. I didn’t want to cry. I had been doing so well. 

“You’re always on,” Harry nodded. “You have to be this symbol of strength for all the kids who went through the war and were forced to come back here. No one has given you the chance to grieve have they?” 

I shook my head knowing that if I opened my mouth to speak I would break down. “Talk to me Hermione,” Harry said, his face filled with concern. 

“I miss my parents,” I sobbed. “I miss being just a muggle. I wish I never came here sometimes. I wish I never learned about magic.”

“Come here,” Harry said, getting up and wrapping me in a tight hug. “I am so sorry. God, it hurt bad enough not having my parents and I couldn’t even remember them. I can’t imagine how much you’re hurting. I can’t imagine how much it hurt to hear Ron’s words.”

I just nodded into his chest as I sobbed. “Oh Hermione,” Harry sighed, stroking my hair gently. “None of what he said is true. You had the best intentions and no one could have known what would happen. I know they still love you so much.”

I sniffed, pulling away and trying to compose myself. “I know,” I nodded. “Draco told me something very similar.”

“Do you want to talk about that?” Harry asked, sitting back down looking a bit unsure of himself. 

“Do you want to hear it?” I asked rubbing at my forearm again. 

“I want to make sure you’re okay,” Harry said. “We are best friends. I will listen to whatever you have to say.” 

“He just knew something was wrong and he approached it in such a nonchalant way, I was opening up before I even realized it. He never judged me and just supported me exactly how I needed,” I admitted looking down at my hands. “We forgave each other for everything in the sixth year and then again at the beginning of this year.”

“You have always been more understanding and empathetic than Ron or me. I am sorry you didn’t feel like you could talk to me about what you were feeling or even your friendship with Malfoy.”

“Can I be honest now?” I asked. “You promise not to throw me into St. Mungos?”

“Of course,” Harry nodded seriously. 

“I don’t want to work for the minister or be here anymore. For the longest time I saw McGonagall as a second mother, but it has really become clear that she never really cared about me as a person. She saw that I could help The Chosen One in his task to defeat Voldemort. And now, I think she sees me as a way to ensure she has political footing in this new world. I can’t be surrounded by people and adults who only see me as a pawn to get them ahead. I am just so tired of it all.”

“I also thought about the pressure I was under, but I never thought about how much pressure had been placed on you too. Lord knows Ron and I didn’t help at all. I’m sorry Hermione, I really am,” Harry sighed. “You need time to be who you want to be without the influence of others’ expectations or the trauma of your past.”

“I do,” I nodded, feeling relief as the weight slightly eased off my chest. 

“No matter how Ron or the other Weasley’s react, just know that I fully support and love you. I am your family now, just as you have been mine for the past seven years. I will even be civil with Malfoy if you let me come visit.”

“Thank you Harry,” I sighed, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “You have no idea how much that means.”

“I’ll do my best to make everyone else understand, but you know how hard headed the Weasleys are. It might take some time.”

“I don’t expect anything,” I said with a shake of my head. 

“I’m sorry again,” Harry sighed, getting up to give me a hug. “You never should have been struggling so long on your own.”

“It’s alright,” I said into his shoulder. “We’re alright now.”

Chapter Text

Draco

“Hermione dear, would you stay for a moment please,” our defense against the dark arts teacher asked after class. It was starting to become routine. I always stayed in the room. I didn’t want Hermione alone with professors who were going to question her sanity or well-being. We both knew that McGonnagall was starting to voice concern for Hermione slowly. We both knew it was only a matter of time before the whole school was questioning her. We weren’t necessarily hiding our friendship, but we also weren’t being super open. We both knew it would just plant another seed of doubt into everyone’s minds. 

“Sure,” Hermione said with a fake smile. I pretended to continue packing up as everyone else had filtered out. Hermione didn’t move from her table two rows up from mine. She sat with Theo in classes now, which had already caused a bit of gossip. Ron wouldn’t look at Hermione anymore, but after their conversation in the library Harry seemed to be okay. 

“Well I’m just a bit concerned,” he said, his voice dripping with fake concern. “You really haven’t been yourself lately.”

“With all due respect professor,” Hermione said, placing a hand on her hip. “You just started this position. You do not know who Hermione Granger was before the war, so you really have no basis for these claims. I ask that you leave the concerned speeches to the countless other professors who have also voiced concern and actually knew me.”

“I just want you to understand how much we all care about you,” he pushed. 

“Well luckily none of you will need to care about me in a month,” Hermione said. “Don’t pull me after class again.”

Hermione shoved her things in her bag, turned on her heel, and walked out. I followed quickly and found her waiting just outside the door. 

“Another load of bullshit,” she said, rolling her eyes. 

“I mean that one really was worse than the others. He really just took McGonnagall’s script and didn’t change a line,” I laughed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. I always tried to lighten the mood after a run in with a professor. She didn’t ever show it, but I knew the comments cut her. I knew she had so many invisible scars just from the ignorance she had faced this year. I couldn’t wait to pull her out of this toxic environment and finally watch her thrive. 

“It’s only going to get worse,” Hermione sighed. “Do you think we can spend the weekend in Muggle London? I just want to get our furniture all picked out. I also would prefer not to be here.”

“It’s a ticking time bomb,” I nodded. “I think it will be good for both of us to get out of here for a bit.”

“Do you think Theo will be alright here alone?” Hermione asked, quirking up her eyebrow. 

“Theo will be just fine,” I smirked. 

“If I was actually going crazy, you would tell me right? If you didn’t think I was mentally sound?” She asked, rubbing at the scar on her forearm. 

“You know I’ve been keeping an eye on you all year right?” I asked, causing her to nod her head. “When I saw that you weren’t okay and your friends weren’t helping I got involved right?” 

Again Hermione nodded her head in agreement. 

“So, if I thought you weren’t okay, I would make sure you were?” I asked, squeezing her shoulder gently. She just nodded her head. “You may not be the Hermione Granger who pissed me off beyond all belief when we were young, but you are definitely mentally sound.”

“I know that,” Hermione nodded. “It’s just that sometimes with all the comments I need to be reminded.”

“Then I will be happy to remind you. Give it a few more weeks and you will not have to worry about it anymore,” I said seriously. 

“I can’t wait,” she grinned. “I can’t wait to get out of here.”

Chapter Text

Hermione

Watching Draco Malfoy stand in the middle of a muggle furniture store brought me more joy than was healthy. Muggle furniture was much the same as wizarding furniture, but the concept of a store with no magical touches seemed to throw him off beyond belief. He stared at everything like he had never seen it before. 

“I can’t wait to watch a movie with you,” I said, tracing my finger over the top of a television resting on a beautiful wood stand. 

“There’s a movie at the hotel,” Draco said pointing to the tv. “We can watch it tonight.”

“This is a tv,” I whispered, “not a movie, but you can watch a movie on it.”

Draco’s ears tinged pink and I couldn’t help but give a light laugh at his expense. I knew that I never wanted him to feel incompetent or severely embarrassed for any of the mistakes he would surely make, but he deserved to have me give him a bit of a hard time after the way he treated me when I first came to the wizarding world. He knew it was all in good fun though. 

“I don’t know what a movie is,” he admitted. 

“I know and that’s okay,” I smiled, squeezing his arm. 

We chose the bulky furniture before moving to the kitchen supplies. The best part of the shop we were at was that they would hold and deliver all of our stuff for us when we were ready. 

“I don’t even know where to start,” Draco said, staring at the myriad of pots and pans before us. 

“Have you ever cooked a meal?” I asked curiously. 

“No,” he said with a shake of his head. “I probably should have learned because after the war when my mom stopped helping the elves everything tasted like shit. That’s one of the things I will miss about Hogwarts.” 

“It will be fun teaching you to cook. I must say I’m not horrible at it, but nowhere near the level of a Hogwarts elf.”

“What is your favorite thing from the elves? That’s the first thing we can both learn to make,” Draco smiled down at me. 

“I love the pumpkin soup,” I smiled. 

“We will definitely need a pot for that,” Draco grinned, moving in front of the pots. It was much easier to make our selections based on all the things we wanted to cook together. We were going to have a fully stocked kitchen. 

“I’m thinking tonight we do take-out and watch a movie,” I suggested as we stood at the register. He had somehow managed to convince the owners I wasn’t allowed to pay. I had plenty in the bank from both my parents and war reparations, but Draco didn’t want anything to do with it. 

“I don’t know what any of that means,” he whispered, handing over the cash. “Whatever you want is perfect with me.”

I smiled feeling full inside as I watched this new version of Draco. He was so accommodating and kind. He rarely ever thought about himself and was constantly checking in to make sure I was okay. He didn’t ever get angry at me and he never really seemed to be in a bad mood. Come to think of it, the only time I had seen him angry was when Ron had yelled at me. I hoped this new version of Draco was here to stay because I liked him a lot. 

Draco let me into our hotel room and I looked around in awe. “This is way too nice,” I said, shaking my head. There were two giant beds, a small kitchenette, a giant bathroom, and a balcony with a view of the city. 

“I’ve been very spoiled most of my life, Hermione. I’m not changing my standards because you don’t want me to spend money on you,” Draco replied, rolling his eyes.

“Well this day has been exhausting, so I’m not going to argue,” I said, causing Draco to give a triumphant smirk. “I’ll order something and we can pick a movie and get changed while we wait.”

“Oh yes, the infamous movie,” Draco grinned, staring at the tv with curiosity. My heart fluttered at how excited Draco seemed about the prospect of a muggle movie. I just wondered how long the excitement would last before it turned into frustration and anger. I turned away from him to place an order with the hotel phone. He didn’t need to see my internal freak out. He didn’t know I was already doubting him after a few hours in the muggle world. I didn’t want him to feel self-conscious because I still couldn’t fully trust him. It wasn’t just him. After everything with Ron and the professors, it was hard to believe anyone had good intentions when it came to me. 

Chapter Text

Draco

Movies, I have learned, are a wonderful thing. The feeling of sharing a blanket with Hermione as our shoulders touched- our body heat keeping each other warm was an added bonus. A little square box decorated with red Chinese symbols resting in each of our laps only added to the charm. The best part of a movie is watching Hermione watch the movie. I imagine it’s the way her mind reacts when reading a book. Her face reveals every emotion she feels and I know she cares deeply about each character. The way her lips ghost the words on the screen means she’s seen this film before. It means I am special enough to share it with. 

Movies are really an amazing thing without Hermione though. I had been convinced muggles didn’t have any moving pictures, but they did and theirs told a whole story. If I had known about this as a first year, there was no way I would have been spouting all that pure blood nonsense. 

“Did you have fun today?” Hermione asked, her eyes drifting over to me. Her eyes were getting heavy and I knew she was going to fall asleep soon. 

“Of course,” I grinned. “I’m learning so much and I find myself cringing at how naive I was about the muggle world when I was young. We have nothing like this.”

“This is one of my favorites,” she explained. “There are lots of different genres though, just like books. Some books have even been turned into movies. Well, obviously not any wizarding ones.”

“I think there are plenty of good muggle books to cover first,” I said, smiling at her excitement. 

“We’ll make a list of your favorite muggle books and see if we can find movies for them. We can have movie night once a week once we move out here.”

“I can’t wait,” I replied, settling against the bed. She turned back towards the tv and it was only a few minutes later she slackened against me. 

It seemed like only minutes later I was awoken by Hermione thrashing around in bed beside me and my name falling softly from her lips. 

“Draco,” she mumbled. I knew immediately she was having a nightmare from the tears staining her cheeks and the tension on her face. 

“Draco help me please,” she begged and my heart clenched as I watched her grip her forearm. I immediately sprung into action shaking her and yelling her name. Suddenly, her eyes snapped opened, and she let out a little scream of terror before scrambling away from me until her back hit the headboard. 

“Hermione, you're safe. We’re in muggle London. There’s no magic here. You won the war,” I said, maintaining eye contact despite the fear in hers. It finally seemed to sink in on my second time repeating the words and she crumpled into her knees and let out a sob. I took that as my cue to move up the bed and wrap her in my arms. 

“You’re safe,” I said, prying her hand off of her forearm. “I’ve got you. Won’t let anything happen to you ever again.”

I couldn’t go back in time and change the way I had just stood there and watched the love of my life be tortured, but I could prevent anything from ever hurting her like that again. Nothing and no one would harm a hair of that curly mane ever again. 

Hermione seemed to calm down a bit after a few minutes and she gently pulled away. I kept a hand on her knee, unable to be completely unattached. “I’m sorry,” she said, wiping her eyes gently. 

“There’s no need for that,” I said with a shake of my head. “I never want you to have to go through that alone.”

“I probably won’t go back to sleep, but you should. Would it be okay if I stayed here with you though?” She asked, chewing on her lip nervously. 

I watched her closely. Did she really think I would be able to sleep now that the sounds of her scream were flooding through my head again? Did she really think I would be able to sleep now that I knew how desperately she had wanted me to save her? I flicked on the television using the big green button which was about all I knew how to do. 

“I don’t think either one of us is going back to sleep now,” I sighed, placing my hand gently on her scar so she had to stop rubbing at it. She frowned and then moved to curl herself against me. She gently took the device from my hand and changed the story to a different one. It was the first time that I was able to feel peace while flashbacks from the manor swirled through my mind.

Chapter Text

Hermione

“I can’t wait to show Theo these pictures,” I said, shrinking the folder our realtor had given us and shoving it in my bag the next morning. We had decided to leave London early, so we could get back to Hogwarts in time for breakfast. The last thing either of us needed after last night was a fight with anyone. 

“He’s going to come around way too much,” Draco chuckled, leading me out of the room, so we could reach the apparition point. 

We weren’t talking about last night. We had spent the rest of the night watching shitty late night tv and infomercials. Draco had almost bought a number of useless items, and every time I had to talk him out of it I was reminded of Aurthur Weasley. Things were much less heavy now and I wanted to keep it that way. I didn’t need the residual images of Belatrix looming over me. 

“I hope they have pumpkin tarts at breakfast today,” I said as we walked up to the front doors of Hogwarts. My stomach was still a bit queasy from apparating, but I hoped a piece of toast would quell that. 

“I could go for a pumpkin tart,” Draco nodded, letting go of my hand and pulling open the door for us. 

“You’ll come to the dorm after breakfast with Theo right?” I asked, feeling a bit self-conscious. We had just spent quite a bit of time together, but I really didn’t want it to end. 

“Of course,” Draco nodded. “We’ll have to show him the pictures of his new vacation house.”

“Right,” I smiled before breaking away from him so we could walk separately into the Great Hall. 

The smell of syrup and coffee was the first thing I noticed and it instantly made me feel right at home. That feeling, however, quickly dissipated when I noticed all eyes on me. I felt frozen in place as Ginny jumped up from her spot at the Gryfindor table and moved towards me with a Daily Prophet in hand. 

“What is this?” She asked practically, shoving it under my nose. I caught Draco’s eye as he moved to his own table and worry was drawn into every feature. I finally glanced down at the paper and my stomach sank at the headline. 

Is The Brightest Witch of Our Age in Love With her Tormentor?

There were two images sitting right below that had my stomach sinking impossibly lower. One was Draco and I holding hands in front of the final apartment building we had looked at. The other was an expert shot of the scar resting on my forearm. I had no idea how anyone had gotten it or when it would have been taken. 

It took me just a few seconds of skimming the article to know that not only did the world know about Draco and I moving in together in the Muggle World after school, but they also knew the story of the Manor. Except in this version, Draco had been the one to carve the words on my arm. I felt instantly sick and the paper dropped from my shaking hands. No one was ever supposed to know about my scar. Draco was never going to recover from this. 

“How much more are you hiding from me?” Ginny asked, hurt lacing her voice. I looked over to the Gryffindor table to find Harry watching with worry written all over his face and I knew he had tried to prevent Ginny from coming over. Ron had a smirk settled on his own face and I knew he had been responsible for this. He was the only other person who knew about that night. I felt ready to vomit as tears built in my eyes at the betrayal I was witnessing. Without answering Ginny’s question or even looking at her I spun on my heel and booked it out of the room towards our dorm. 

I could hear the clatter of dishes and the hurried whispers of my peers as someone followed after me. I knew it was either Draco or Theo, which was only going to make matters worse. The last thing Draco needed was more rumors. Anything related to me was going to paint him in a negative light. I could feel the tears building in my eyes and the tightness in my throat as I moved through the halls.

“Hermione!” Draco’s deep voice called after me, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t let the tears fall out in the hallway for anyone to see. 

“Merlin,” Draco groaned, his robes loudly swishing around him as he ran to catch up. “Please slow down, I don’t play quidditch anymore. I’m hardly in shape to be running after you anymore.”

His hand wrapped gently around my wrist and pulled me to a slow walk. “I need to be in the dorm away from everyone right now,” I said through gritted teeth in an attempt not to cry. 

“Okay,” Draco nodded, sliding his hand down to my own and picking up the pace again. I could hardly control my breathing as he pulled me into the dorm room. I felt myself falling to the floor once we were in the dorm. Draco used his hands to guide me gently to the floor and then sat down beside me as I wrapped my arms around my legs. 

“Did you read the article?” I asked through shaking breaths. 

“Theo caught me up,” he nodded gruffly. I couldn’t stop myself from bursting into tears right then. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to be painted as a villain because of who we were. All he had done was help me and now he was being punished for it. 

“Come here,” Draco sighed, pulling me into his chest. 

“I’m sorry Draco. I’m so sorry,” I whimpered into his chest. He pulled me back rather abruptly and for a terrified moment when I couldn’t read his eyes, I thought he was going to reject me. 

“What the hell are you apologizing for?” He asked incredulously. 

“All you’ve done is take care of me and the payment you get is an article accusing you of torturing me,” I sobbed. “That’s not what happened in the Manor. I never wanted that story to come out. I never wanted anyone to know.”

“Hey,” Draco said cupping my cheeks in his palms. “You need to breathe or you’re going to hurt yourself.”

I couldn’t do it though. I was so overwhelmed with all of my feelings. I was so hurt that Ron had betrayed me. I felt  so guilty that Draco was now in the crossfire. I felt terrified and ashamed now that the world knew how weak and small I was. I felt worried that Ginny would never forgive me for keeping so many secrets and would turn Harry against me again. I felt angry at the world and this society for making my life so hard. I couldn’t breathe properly with all that emotion twisting through my mind begging to get out all at the same time. 

“Merlin, where is Theo when you need him,” Draco said, his eyes darting around the room quickly. 

“Speak of the Devil,” Theo grinned, waltzing into the room with an amused smirk. 

“She needs a drought of peace right now,” Draco said through clenched teeth as he continued to rub my back. “She won’t breathe properly.”

“Hermione, we need you to breathe,” Theo said, stepping into action immediately. I watched a little vial whiz into his hands as he knelt down in front of me with a worried expression. I was amazed at how quickly his emotions and moods could change. I felt the cool glass press against my lips. 

“Drink it Hermione,” Draco coaxed gently. I obliged by letting the cool liquid slip down my throat and take over my mind. It only took about a minute for my mind and body to regain some control again. I slumped back away from Draco as I swiped at my eyes. 

“No, don't try and distance yourself from me. Not when you are that upset,” he frowned, pulling me into his lap and holding me tightly. The tears were still slowly tracing down my cheeks, but everything in my mind was moving much slower. I could actually process all of my thoughts. 

“Talk to us Hermione,” Theo said, patting my knee gently. “Need to know what’s happening in that big brain of yours. I assume we’ve established this is because of the article?” Theo directed the question at Draco, who I felt nod from behind me. 

“Thought we already established what was going to happen when the two of you came to light? Thought we were a bit more prepared for shit to hit the fan,” Theo sighed giving me an inquisitive look. We had been prepared. We knew they were going to accuse me of losing my mind and Draco being the one to take it. I just never thought it would be this horrible and personal. 

“Ron leaked the story of the manor. Well, his version,” I sniffled trying to keep myself from getting so overwhelmed again. “I never wanted anyone to know.”

“Why?” Draco asked, his voice weak and trembling from behind me. I knew he didn’t like to remember it just as much as me. I knew he still hadn’t forgiven himself after all this time. 

“It makes me look so weak. I have a scar that spells out my biggest shortcoming that will never go away. I can’t even look at it without having serious PTSD. I begged for a crazy woman to stop and that’s all I did. I let it happen to myself.”

I felt Draco tense underneath me as I trembled in his arms. 

“First of all, that word is not a shortcoming. Being muggle born and also the brightest witch of our age, pardon the phrase, shows just how strong and intelligent you really are,” Theo said firmly. 

“It’s true,” Draco said, his voice deep and solemn. “You are the reason I questioned everything my father and Voldemort said. How could someone born to muggle parents be smarter and better than me without even trying? I asked myself that every time my parents ranted about blood purity.”

“You’re sure as hell not weak,” Theo huffed. “I’m not sure what exactly you think you were going to do. Were you going to fight Belatrix without a wand or weapon and with a million other death eaters in the room?” 

“Hermione, you were not weak. There are a lot of things I would describe you as and in my younger years none of them were positive, but I have never once considered you to be weak,” Draco said firmly.

“I hate that you saw me like that,” I mumbled, feeling a little sick. “You’re the only one who has ever seen me that way.”

“I hate that you saw me like that,” Draco repeated his voice heavy with guilt. “That was my weakest moment. I stood there and watched you suffer and I did nothing to stop it. It will haunt me for the rest of my life, but not because I ever saw you as weak.”

I squeezed my eyes shut feeling so self-conscious over the way Draco had seen me. There was no one else left outside of Azkaban who had seen me at such a low point in my life. Even when I destroyed the horcrux, even when I obliviated my parents, even when Ron left I kept myself collected. I never cried or broke down in front of Harry or Ron during or before the war. I never showed one sign of weakness because I knew I needed to be strong for them. Sure they had heard my screams at the manor, but they weren’t there to see the terror, pain, and hopelessness in my eyes. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to die. I knew it would have been so much easier than carrying the weight of that trauma while keeping myself together until we won the war. Before Draco showed an ounce of caring, I still believed it would have been easier. I knew now that it would have been easier, but it wouldn’t have been worth it. The guilt Draco would have carried over that would have been too much for him to bear. The thought of losing Draco had my heart twisting painfully. If I lost him, I wouldn’t be able to keep going. I knew I would fall back into that dark place again. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to get back out. 

“Please don’t leave me,” I sobbed into his chest. “You and Theo are the only ones left. I need you. I need you. No matter what they say, please don’t leave.”

I heard Theo let out a sigh as Draco pulled me tighter against his chest. “I need you,” I sobbed through rapid panicked breaths. I felt a glass vial press to my lips again and I drank it gratefully. It took a bit longer for the potion to kick in this time, but Draco’s arms never faltered. 

When I finally calmed down and pulled away enough to see Draco’s face, the first thing I noticed were the tears. He was crying and I couldn’t figure out why. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling panic creep in again. Was he going to leave me? I knew he recognized the look in my eyes, because he instantly placed his cool hands against my flushed cheeks. 

“You are breaking my heart. Seeing you this upset hurts me. You deserve so much better than just me, but if you need me you have me. I will never leave you. You don’t need to worry about that,” he said, keeping his eyes trained on mine, so my mind couldn’t wander and panic again. “They can say whatever they want, all that matters is you.”

“He’s right, Hermione,” Theo said and I felt his warm hand on my shoulder. “You have us no matter what. You don’t have to be strong with us. We will be what you need for as long as you need.”

“Thank you,” I sniffled, glancing over at Theo and his sincere eyes. He gave me a firm nod. 

“Please can you both just stay close for a bit?” I asked as my voice wavered. They both nodded and pulled us to the couch as the fire burned before us. With the heat from the fire and the body heat of two people I knew would never let me go, I could feel peace start to overtake my brain. For the first time in a long time, the scar on my arm didn’t mean anything. 

Chapter Text

Draco

Hermione had finally settled between us. She had her arms wrapped tightly around me like a boa constrictor, like at the drop of a hat I would disappear. Theo rubbed her back gently as I kept a hand in her curls. Every once in a while I would feel a tear slip from her cheek onto my shirt. It was already soaked through, but I didn’t mind, I just hoped she wasn’t uncomfortable. 

Suddenly, the sound of someone knocking aggressively on the door pulled us from the semblance of peace we had created. Hermione shook and then tucked herself further into my side. The knocking didn’t stop and Hermione whimpered. 

“It’s alright,” I said as she tightened her arm. 

“I’ll go check the door,” Theo sighed, giving her one last pat on the back before getting up. 

Hermione and I could hear the conversation from the couch. It was clear both Ginny and Harry were standing at the door. 

“What are you doing here?” The redhead snapped at Theo. I tried not to tense because I knew it was going to upset her. 

“This is where I live. I should really be asking what you’re doing here,” Theo huffed. 

“We’re here to check on our friend,” Ginny said with an air of superiority. 

“Where were you during the panic attacks?” Theo asked shortly. “Oh I’m sorry were you the ones giving her droughts of peace? No, you were the one to throw that story in her face and cause all of this. Don’t bullshit me with the word friends.”

“Theo, please let me make sure she’s okay,” Harry said softly, practically begging. 

“You need to be on your best behavior. One wrong move and you’re both gone. She cannot have another panic attack. Two droughts of peace in a row is her limit,” Theo said firmly like a strict father. 

“Hermione do you want to see them or do you want me to take you upstairs?” I asked gently. 

“I can’t run away,” she sighed. I knew what she was thinking: if they really wanted to be her friend, they needed to understand she wasn’t going to be strong for them anymore. 

“I’m right here,” I said, squeezing her thigh as she sat up. Her eyes were red and puffy and still glistening. Her hair was disheveled and her face was pale and tired looking. It took all of two seconds for Ginny to come rushing over brusquely. Harry was trailing behind her looking a bit apprehensive. 

“‘Mione,” Ginny frowned, approaching quickly. “Merlin, what's got you so upset?”

I couldn’t stop myself from scoffing. Theo rolled his eyes from behind her. Hermione rubbed at her scar self-consciously and glanced at Harry. “Gin, give her some space,” Harry said, pulling her away a bit. 

“Harry,” Hermione said with a quivering lip. 

“I know Hermione,” Harry said, moving to pull her into a hug. “I tried to stop him, but Ron was determined. I am so sorry I didn’t do more.”

“It’s not true,” Hermione whimpered and Theo tensed nervously assessing the situation. I knew he wasn’t going to let her get anywhere close to another panic attack. He was right, with her small stature and fragile state, another drought of peace could put her into a coma. “You know it’s not true…”

Harry glanced over at me as Hermione kept herself close by before looking back at her. “I know ‘Mione,” Harry said, patting her knee. “It was Belatrix. We could hear her, everything she said to you. Draco I’m sorry, for the article and for Ron. I hope you know I trust you with her.”

I nodded my head solemnly. I knew it was true because Hermione wouldn’t keep him around if it wasn’t. I gently peeled Hermione’s hand off her forearm. She had started rubbing a bit too hard after the mention of Belatrix. 

“Can someone tell me what is going on?” Ginny huffed, causing a glare from Harry. “You realize I had to read in the paper that my best friend was tortured by a man she is apparently moving in with? My best friend is leaving and didn’t even have the guts to tell me!”

Hermione visibly shrunk and immediately started to shake. “Ginny,” Harry scolded as Hermione let out a whimper. 

“You’re pretty damn close to getting kicked out redhead,” Theo grumbled and I felt Hermione sink into my side. 

“It’s alright ‘Mione,” Harry sighed, squeezing her knee. 

“I can’t do it,” Hermione whimpered as her teeth chewed on her bottom lip. “I can’t talk about that night.”

Hermione was really starting to panic now and she managed to yank her hand away from me to start aggressively tearing at the skin on her forearm. Ginny was watching with wide terrified eyes now and even Harry had taken a step back. None of them had seen Hermione break down like this before. 

“That’s enough,” Theo said quickly. “You both need to leave. I think you’ve done more than enough.” He glared pointedly at Ginny as I tried to pry Hermione’s hand away from her reddening scar. 

Both Ginny and Harry were watching Hermione with a mix of shock and horror. I understood now why Hermione had kept her struggles to herself. If I was met with this kind of reaction when I was forced to get the dark mark or after Hermione had left the manor, I would have closed myself off to my friends too. Thank god for Theo, because as I attempted to get Hermione out of her head, he ushered her useless friends from the dorm. 

“I knew you idiots would make this worse,” Theo huffed. “Some fucking friends you lot are.”

“Hermione,” I said, placing my hands on her cheeks in an attempt to get her to focus on me. Her mind was so far gone though. I could see in her eyes that she was not in the common room with us. She whimpered and twisted herself out of my arms. Her eyes were wide, frantic, and terrified. 

“Theo!” I called feeling my own panic take over. I hated myself for not being able to help her. This time though at least I knew I could keep her safe. 

Theo rushed back into the room, his eyes landing on Hermione huddled on the floor with her knees tucked to her chin. “I can’t give her another potion,” he sighed. “I can get her to sleep for a bit though. It may not be the best sleep, but I think it’s better than this.”

“Please just help her,” I said, feeling my chest clench. Theo pulled out his wand and Hermione attempted to move backwards away from us, but her back hit the wall. The last thing we saw before Theo cast the spell and she passed out was the look of pure terror in her eyes. 

“Come on, let's get her in her bed,” Theo said, gesturing for me to pick her up. Hermione didn’t stir in my arms as I gently lifted her and held her close. 

“She was at the Manor,” I sighed, feeling the guilt tug and sink in my gut. 

“I know,” Theo nodded. “Some fucking friends she has. Act like they’ve never seen her like that before. Didn’t they live through a war with her? Weren’t they still sharing a tent after the manor? You’re telling me she never had a nightmare or a panic attack around them?” 

“People can hide a lot during a war,” I sighed, stroking her hair. “I think she did what she needed to do to stay alive. If she broke,  no one was going to be there to keep the golden boy alive.”

“Assholes,” Theo mumbled. 

I gently placed her under the covers and pulled them up to her chin. As I smoothed the hair away from her face, I felt Theo beside me. 

“We should stay until she wakes up. I don’t want her waking up alone. I’m going to go grab some food, but you should get in bed with her,” Theo said. I just nodded. I would never argue about being close to Hermione. I would do anything to make her feel safe and protected. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her out of harm’s way even if the harm was coming from her own mind. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

I woke up feeling warm and at peace. There was a solid presence behind me and an arm draped over my side. Every once in a while puffs of warm breath would hit the back of my neck gently. I tucked myself further against the body behind me and the arms tightened. 

“You alright?” Draco asked softly. I hummed a confirmation knowing that I had scared the two only a few hours ago. 

“You’re awake,” Theo smiled from the doorway. “How are you feeling? Do you need some tea or something to eat? You were out for a while.”

“I’m okay,” I replied, shaking my head. Theo nodded before climbing into bed beside me. 

“I’m sorry I scared you guys,” I sighed letting my eyes fall closed. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get control.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Theo asked, squeezing my arm gently. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“You came back from a relaxing weekend and we’re immediately thrown completely off guard by people who care about you,” Draco said gently. “In my opinion that warrants being upset and stressed.”

“I know why you are apologizing,” Theo sighed as Draco’s thumb gently stroked the scar on my forearm. It was amazing how his touch was so different from my own or anyone else’s. His touch was soothing. “I saw the way Harry and Ginny looked at you after she triggered you. I know why you felt like you needed to be strong around them.”

My heart sank as I remembered the looks on their faces. They had never seen me that way before. They didn’t know how bad things really were. 

“You don’t need to pretend or apologize with us. You can feel what you need to feel and break down and we won’t go anywhere. You don’t need to be strong for us,” Draco said soothingly stroking my hair. 

“After the Manor,” I said trying to keep my voice steady, “they didn’t even talk about it. They couldn’t look at the scar or even meet my eyes. They never asked if I was okay or if I needed anything. I cleaned it and bandaged it myself. I put a silencing charm over myself so I wouldn’t wake them up while I cried myself to sleep or dreamed of it happening all over again. I just needed someone. I just need someone.”

I felt a tear trace down my cheek as my voice shook. “I wasn’t okay, but they thought I was. I thought I was okay now, but maybe I’m not.”

“Hey it’s alright,” Theo said quickly. Draco sat us up so he could get a better look at me. His forehead was creased with concern. “No one expects you to be okay.”

“You might not be okay right now, but you are getting better. I see it every day. I see how strong you are, how resilient. Everyone has setbacks especially after something so traumatic,” Draco said quickly wiping my tears. 

“Do you?” I sniffled looking up at him. 

Draco scoffed like what I had asked was ridiculous. “Of course,” he said, shaking his head. “I try my best to become better than what I was. I try my best to put the war behind me and that includes my feelings about the manor. When you get in your head like this, fuck, it makes it really hard not to let that guilt consume me again. I wish I could have been there for you. I wish I could have saved you. Some days that guilt is a lot stronger than others.”

“None of us are really okay Hermione,” Theo sighed. “We all went through a war and are all trying to navigate how best to recover from that. You never should have had to work through all those emotions on your own.”

“You’re done being alone. You have both of us now. You can be okay with us or you can break down. No matter what, you can ask us for help,” Draco said reassuringly. My heart felt warm at the idea of the two men beside me willing to help me and support me no matter how I felt. At the same time, my heart was breaking for the Hermione sleeping in a tent with her best friends after the manor. Those nights before the end of the war and even after, I had never felt more alone. I wish I could tell my past self to hang on for a bit longer. I knew how close I had gotten to giving up. I had constantly wondered how much longer I could keep up appearances. Who knew Draco would be the one to break down my walls. 

“I think it will take time to get used to,” I admitted. “I have spent so much of my life hiding things to make sure my friends were taken care of. I just need time and reminders.” 

“Whatever you need,” Theo nodded. “We are here for you.”

“Do you think Ginny will convince Harry to give up on me?” I asked self-consciously. I knew it was strange to care so much what my friends, who so clearly didn’t know me, thought of me, but it was just so hard to let go. 

“I could tell he was listening to you and he believed you,” Draco said. “He wanted to protect you from Ginny’s words too. I think he was just taken aback by your reaction. He had never seen you react that way before and I’m sure it will take time to get used to.”

“I think Ginny will come around too. She was hurt and blindsided because she is starting to understand she doesn’t know you as well as she thought,” Theo said gently. “I know she felt guilty for causing that reaction in you. Give her a bit of time to collect her thoughts and work up the nerve to apologize.”

I nodded, feeling slightly reassured by their words. I couldn’t remember much from the last few hours. There were flashes of an angry Ginny and a worried Harry. There were also flashes from the Manor, Belatrix, and my burning scar. The one thing that was clear in my mind was the look on Harry and Ginny’s faces when I started to have the flashbacks. Draco had been calm though. I could remember his warmth and strength as he had prevented me from doing any serious damage to the scar on my arm. He was the reason I didn’t need a bandage or treatment. I would have attempted to rip the skin off my arm with my nails like I had done so many other times if it hadn’t been for him. 

“Thank you both for taking care of me. I know you’re both going through your own struggles, so thank you,” I said sincerely. 

“Anything.”

Chapter Text

Draco

“Are you good?” Theo asked me as we sat in the common room. Hermione had asked for some time alone, so we were giving her space, while keeping ourselves close in case she changed her mind. 

“Fine,” I shrugged. “I hate hearing about that shit and the fact that she didn’t have anyone supporting her after that night makes me sick. How can she genuinely call those people friends?”

I couldn’t imagine working through the trauma of the war on my own. The night after Hermione had been at the Manor my family and I had been punished for letting down The Dark Lord. Feeling the cruciatus curse run through my body was less painful than knowing that I had watched Hermione go through the same thing only hours before and had done nothing to stop it. I had immediately gone to Theo after the torture was over. Without him, I would have fallen apart. I would never have been able to recover from the guilt and pain of that night without the guidance and reassurance from my friends. Knowing that Hermione had been left to her own devices after that night, made the guilt come crashing back in waves. Her friends had ignored the fact that they had heard her screams and the unhealed cuts on her arm. She had healed her own wounds for over half a year on her own. She had dealt with her nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks without a single person to keep her grounded in the real world. How could you hear the screams of your best friend being tortured and then ignore the pain written on her face every single day?

“I know, mate, but you can’t go back there. You can’t start thinking like that,” Theo sighed. “She has us now. She has people that care and that’s what you need to remember. She is getting better.”

I nodded knowing that Theo was right. I needed to remember that we were helping her. We were not going to let her slip through the cracks again. She wasn’t going to go through that trauma alone anymore. 

“She’s going to be okay,” I nodded as a reassurance more to myself than anything else. 

“The worst is over now, you know that. We knew people were going to freak out and blame you. They’ve done it now and you both are leaving in a month. You take your tests in two weeks. Things are only going to get better from here,” Theo said, patting my shoulder. I wanted nothing more than to believe him, but I had always been a pessimist. I just knew things could still get worse. It wasn’t like I wanted them to, but I knew things weren’t going to be okay until we were officially out of this world. 

“We have Blaise’s birthday tomorrow. What are we going to do?” I asked, glancing at the stairs that led up to Hermione’s room. 

“We are going. We haven’t seen any of them since we came back here. We need them and they need us, so we’ll go to Hogsmeade and enjoy dinner and a few drinks. We can invite Hermione. You know none of them will mind and they will all be respectful,” Theo said firmly. I knew he was right, I wanted to see my friends. I wanted to check on them and I knew they would want to check on me. Blaise and a few other of our Slytherin housemates had not returned to Hogwarts even after being threatened. They knew they couldn’t handle being in the castle and reliving their traumatic seventh year. I didn’t blame them, but the idea of seeing Hermione and making sure she was okay had dragged me back into the castle and my childhood. If it hadn’t been for her and the fact that Theo was here, I would never have been able to survive the comments, glares, and pressure of trying to live with a name like Malfoy in a world where you couldn’t be anything worse. 

“She won’t want to come,” I said, picking at the skin around my fingers. 

“Then she won’t come. You know she will want you to go and she is more than capable of taking care of herself for a few hours. I know you’re worried about her, but she is still Hermione Granger and she will be pissed if you act like she is too weak to stay on her own for a bit.”

“I know,” I sighed. “It’s just so hard. I hate that she tries to hide things from us. I hate that we only see her break down when she can’t keep herself together anymore.”

“Sounds like someone else I know,” Theo smirked. 

“I’m fine. If I wasn’t you would know it,” I said, rolling my eyes. Theo was always worried I was moments away from a breakdown. Maybe at one point I had been, but now that I had Hermione to focus on, I felt further and further away from the person I had been during the war. It was becoming a distant memory. I just needed that to happen for Hermione now too. 

–

Chapter Text

Hermione

As much as I loved and trusted Draco and Theo, I wasn’t quite ready to spend a night partying with their friends. I was still not quite on solid ground after seeing the newspaper and my run in with Harry and Ginny. I needed to feel a lot more steady before I would feel ready interacting with the rest of the Slytherins. I knew that I forgave them because they had all been kids too, but trusting them was something entirely different. I needed to stay around people I trusted and things that felt familiar right now, at least until I wasn’t constantly worried about having another flashback. 

Draco had seemed hesitant to leave me, and while I appreciated how much he cared, it made me feel guilty and weak. I didn’t want to consume all of Draco’s time and thoughts. I didn’t want him to constantly be worried about me. He had friends and he needed to keep up those relationships. Those people helped him through the war, and he needed to keep them close, especially as he was thrown into the muggle world. 

I could handle a few hours of time on my own. I decided to spend my time in the library. It had been a few weeks since I had been to the library. It had always been what made Hogwarts feel like home. Being surrounded by all the answers to the parts of the wizarding world that were confusing and foreign, had made me feel so safe and supported. Maybe the only real friend I had in this building was Madam Pince. She had never pushed me to look for certain books or get out and make friends. She greeted me with a warm smile and comforting words. 

I spent a couple hours sipping a mug of tea and flipping through Hogwars, A History in the nook Draco and I had claimed for ourselves. It was peaceful and a light snow was falling outside. I couldn’t believe my time at Hogwarts was almost up. Besides the pumpkin soup and decadent desserts from the elves, the library was the only other place I was going to miss. I couldn’t wait to start over. I couldn’t wait to leave the war behind. 

Eventually I knew I should head back to the dorm. Theo would be back soon and we would have to complete our rounds. I hoped the two were having fun. They deserved it. They had done so much for me and I knew that a lot of my trauma brought back a lot of their own. They deserved a break and a moment to not worry about anything other than themselves. 

“Hermione!” A gruff voice called from behind me. I stopped knowing that when I turned around I would be met with fiery hair and a red face. I moved slowly as I heard his footsteps getting closer. 

“Ron?” I asked before I took notice of his wild eyes and erratic movements. I crossed my arms in an attempt to protect myself from whatever bullshit was going to come spewing from his mouth. The closer he got, the stronger the smell of alcohol became. “I really don’t want to talk to you. You should get back to your dorm. Theo and I are going to do rounds soon.”

Ron let out a scoff and continued stalking towards me. “You can’t seriously still be upset about that article can you? I did that for you. The world needs to know the truth, so they can help you and protect you.”

“That article wasn’t the truth,” I scoffed, looking away from him. “It’s not like you would know the truth anyway, you never asked. Draco has done more to help me and protect me than you ever have.”

I moved to walk away and Ron panicked. He grabbed my wrist pulling me back towards him. “Hermione, I’ve been thinking about that scar and this infatuation you have with Draco a lot. There has to be some kind of curse or poison in it. That’s why you’re acting this way.”

Ron’s eyes were wild with worry and determination. It was terrifying and no matter how hard I tried to get away, I couldn’t. 

“Ron, let me go,” I said firmly. “You’re drunk and acting crazy. We can talk about this in the morning. Let me go.”

“No Hermione, we need to get the poison out of you,” he said, causing my blood to turn cold. The cool touch of a blade on my scar had my mind transporting me to the hard unforgiving marble of the manor drawing room. I felt the weight of a body on me and when I looked up I saw the eyes of a psychopath- crazy, wild, and full of hate. 

“PLEASE STOP!” I screamed desperately. “DRACO DON’T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN! HELP!”

All it took was the feeling of the tip of the knife breaking my skin to make the world go black.

–

I felt queasy and sore as my eyes opened. It took me a moment to realize I was not in my bed or room. As my eyes adjusted, I realized I was in the infirmary. It was silent and there was no one else in any of the beds. It was probably the first time I had been in the infirmary and it wasn’t full. I sat up slowly and moved to rub my pounding forehead. As I raised my hand, I caught sight of the bandage wrapped tightly around my scar. My stomach sunk as everything came flooding back.

My own best friend, had been responsible for this flashback and torture. I didn’t know how I had gotten to the infirmary, but Ron and my friends were nowhere to be found. I gently peeled back the bandage on my arm to inspect the damage. A long gash had been made through the letters of my original scar. It was still bleeding heavily, so I quickly shoved the bandage back on. Why had Madam Pomfrey not used a spell to stop the bleeding? Why hadn’t she stitched it back together? How long had I been out? Were Draco and Theo back yet?

Tears started to prick in my eyes as my mind started to whir. One of my best friends, someone I considered family, had done this to me and none of my other friends were here to check on me.

I knew that Theo and Draco would come as soon as they heard, but this moment reminded me that they had other people who loved and cared about them. If I wasn’t around, they would be okay. They would still have support and love. If they left me, I would be completely alone. There was no one else I knew who still loved and cared about me.

Christmas was just around the corner and it was finally dawning on me that I didn’t have a family to stay and celebrate with. For two weeks after the end of term, I would have nothing and no one. There was no way I could go back to The Burrow. Ginny was upset with me and I knew I would never be able to face Ron again. Harry would be at the Burrow and I really didn’t know if he was still on my side. Theo and Draco would be celebrating at the manor, which I knew I didn’t have the strength to go near. My parents were no longer around. Our apartment wouldn’t be available until the first of the year, so I was on my own to fend for myself for a good two weeks.

The tears were streaming down my cheeks as Madam Pomfrey stepped back into the room. “Oh Hermione dear, you’re awake,” she smiled, moving quickly towards me. As she got closer, she saw the tears on my cheeks and a frown set on her face. “What’s wrong dear? Are you in pain? I thought I gave you the right numbing dosage. Do you need some more?”

I shook my head as my lip trembled between my teeth. She glanced down at the imperfect wrapping job I had attempted to do on my forearm. “Let me get that fixed. We’re going to make sure this is all fixed honey, don’t worry.”

“Has anyone come?” I asked, trying to stay calm as I waited for her answer. 

“Of course,” Madame Pomfrey smiled looking up at me. “You have a few people waiting outside for you. I wanted to make sure you were awake and stable before I let anyone inside. They aren’t very happy with me right now.”

“Stable?” I asked, worriedly. Was this about my vitals or was she worried about me mentally? I always knew this scar would bring me here, I just didn’t think it would be at the hands of someone I called a best friend. 

“You have lost a lot of blood,” she said, tightening the bandage. I nodded remembering how quickly the blood had flowed after I removed the bandage. “This is a self changing bandage, so you don’t need to worry about messing with it.”

“Can I see people now?” I asked, chewing on my lip again. Madam Pomfrey smiled, patting my shoulder gently. 

“I think that would be alright. I will go grab them for you,” she said moving from the bed towards the entrance. 

It took all of two seconds for me to hear the sound of feet pounding against the stone. Draco was running towards me looking completely disheveled. His hair was a mess on his head, his tie was loosened around his neck, and he wasn’t wearing any shoes. 

“Hermione are you alright?” He called as he came running towards me. I nodded my head and watched as he launched himself onto the bed and tucked me into his arms. 

“Thank god,” he sighed, practically crushing me against him. I wasn’t going to complain. I had never felt more safe. “I was so worried when you weren’t in the dorm. And then we found out you were here and she wouldn’t let us in. God, you scared me.”

“Please don’t leave me, please don’t leave me, please…”

“Not going anywhere Hermione. I’ll be right here.” Draco moved slightly so I was no longer tucked into his chest but rather his side, so I could see the rest of the people in the room. Theo stood there looking worried as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. Ginny and Harry stood next to him with wide eyes and pale faces. 

“Ginny? Harry? What are you doing here?” I asked, letting my eyebrows pull together in confusion. 

“My brother attempted to bloodlet you, triggering a panic attack so strong you passed out, and you thought I wouldn’t come to check on you?” Ginny asked, crossing her arms. 

“I thought you were angry…”

“We all had different experiences during the war, and I’ll admit it has taken me too long to realize that we all have different ways of coping with the trauma we endured. Even if I was upset with you, that never meant I would turn my back on you when you needed me. You are like a sister to me and nothing is going to change that,” Ginny said gently. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t there for you in the way you needed, but I’m here now for you.”

I nodded my head as Draco petted my hair gently. As much as her words were relieving to hear, it didn’t stop the twisting in my gut and the flurry of thoughts in my mind. Everyone else still had someone other than me. Ginny and Harry were hardly around enough to consider them close friends or to trust them to help me when I needed it. I was still lonely despite all the people in the room

Chapter Text

Draco

“Pomfrey, can you please tell me if she is alright?” I asked keeping Hermione pressed to my side. The question had been swirling in my mind since I found out she was in the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey hadn’t let us in right away. I had seen the blood caking her robes when she told us. Even though we were with Hermione now, Pomfrey was making no move to release her and was still hovering nearby worriedly. Hermione looked pale and exhausted still. I knew something wasn’t quite right. 

Pomfrey let out a sigh and shook her head. “The cut was made over a previous scar. I believe that scar may have been created with a cursed blade intending for it to never heal.”

Hermione and I just nodded, this was information we already knew. 

“RIght, well because a new mark was made over the original scar, it is facing similar properties, making it almost impossible to close or heal with magic. I have managed to get more control over the blood loss, but it is still consistently bleeding. I will need to bring in a healer from St. Mungo’s who specializes in these kinds of curses.”

“How long will that take? Is she getting blood replenishing potions?” I asked, trying not to let my worry bubble up too much. I didn’t want to freak out Hermione. She didn’t need me to make things worse.

“The healer will be here in the morning,” Pomfrey said, shooting me a look that told me she was not going to answer simple obvious questions about the potions she was giving. I looked to Hermione, who had tears tracing down her cheeks again. I could tell she was deep in her head. She was upset about something, but I could tell she wasn’t worried about her arm. It seemed to be something else entirely. 

“You don’t need to worry Hermione,” Harry said gently. “Ron has been expelled. He won’t be coming back, you don’t have to worry about seeing him.”

Hermione just nodded her head and kept herself curled against me. 

“Alright, we should get you to bed Miss Granger. You are going to have a rough day tomorrow,” Pomfrey said, giving us all stern looks. Harry and Ginny were the first to relent. 

“We’ll come back right after breakfast,” Harry said before leading Ginny out. Theo and I were not even considering leaving. Hermione looked so far away and we both knew, we needed to figure out what was going on. 

“We’re not leaving,” I said to Pomfrey and Hermione stiffened. 

“Don’t make them leave, please,” she said with big pleading eyes. Pomfrey seemed to see the stress written on Hermione’s face because she easily relented. 

“Alright, but you do need some rest,” Pomfrey said before moving towards her office. 

“Hermione, tell us what’s going on in that big brain of yours,” Theo said, pulling up a chair, so he was sitting by her side. She hesitated worrying her bottom lip. 

“You have to talk to us. You know we can’t help you if you don’t talk to us,” I sighed keeping her close as I looked down at her.  

“You all have friends, real friends, besides me. I know Harry and Ginny were just here, but they have been so absent and fickle. If you guys leave, I won’t have anyone,” she said looking down at her lap. 

“Hermione, we are not going anywhere,” Theo said firmly. “You don’t need to worry about that and in a few weeks, you will be making more friends in the muggle world.”

“I’m right here Hermione,” I pushed, rubbing her arm gently. “I told you I would stay and I meant that.” I hated how upset she was. I hated that despite everything she had done, she still didn’t have people who truly cared about her. How were Theo and I the only people who seemed to give a shit about the Golden Girl?

“I don’t have anywhere to go for Christmas,” she whimpered, bringing her knees up to her chest. My heart broke into a million pieces. How had I not even considered that? This was her first Christmas without her parents. This was her first Christmas after the war. I needed to figure out a solution. She wouldn’t want to stay at the manor. We couldn’t stay at the apartment. She obviously wasn’t going to the Weasley’s. 

“You’re staying with me,” Theo said, rolling his eyes. “You really think I was going to let you go homeless for two weeks between the holidays? My house is empty, so it will just be you and me.”

“No, no, you’re supposed to stay at the manor. You guys always celebrate at the manor,” Hermione said, shaking her head. 

“We’ll celebrate at Theo’s this year. It’s just me and my mother anyway. I don’t think I want to celebrate Christmas in the same place where The Dark Lord lived,” I said with a shake of my head. “It’s time for new traditions.”

“We aren’t really giving you a choice, Hermione. This is something you are worried about and no one should celebrate Christmas alone. You are staying with me and so are the Malfoy’s,” Theo said and Hermione seemed to visibly relax. She nodded her head and then let her eyes fall closed. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. 

“Everything is going to be okay, Hermione. We are going to make sure that everything is okay,” I sighed. “Why don’t you try and get some sleep? I promise I’ll stay right here the whole night.”

“Neither of us is going anywhere,” Theo said reassuringly. 

“Okay, I’m very tired,” she whispered, moving so she could sink into the pillow. I just nodded knowing the blood loss was probably really affecting her. 

“She’s going to be okay,” Theo said in an attempt to be reassuring. 

“I knew I shouldn’t have left her alone,” I sighed.

“You can’t think like that,” Theo said with a shake of his head. “If you don’t give her space when she wants it, she is going to push you away. She is an adult and she will ask for help when she needs it.”

“I know,” I sighed looking down at her peaceful face. “I just wish I could protect her from everything. I wish things could be easier.”

“Just give it time.”

Chapter Text

Hermione

It took a week before Pomfrey felt comfortable releasing me from her care. There had been a few rough days with the healer as they attempted to close the reopened wound. Some attempts had left me unconscious for hours. Draco had refused to leave my side even after many attempts from both the healer and Pomfrey herself. 

When I had almost bled out after the first time they attempted to stop the blood-replenishing potions, Draco looked just as tired as I felt. 

“Finally free,” Theo grinned, wrapping me in a hug as we walked into the dorm. “What are we doing to celebrate your new found freedom?”

“She is resting,” Draco said sternly in a tone reminiscent of Pomfrey. “She almost died less than twenty-four hours ago.”

“Our tests are at the end of the week,” I said, ignoring Draco’s parental tone. “Even though I know I’m prepared, I would like to take some time to study.”

“Then that’s what we will do,” Theo nodded. Draco looked like he wanted to protest, but Theo shot him a glare. 

“Can we stay in my room? I don’t think I’m quite ready to venture out into the halls just yet.”

“You just need to pass these exams and then you never have to worry about being here again unless you want to,” Draco said, rubbing my shoulder and letting me lead them upstairs. 

Theo kept up a consistent chatter about meaningless things like their night out with their Slytherin friends and his excitement for the holidays. Draco kept stealing worried glances as if making sure I was still living and breathing. He kept close to me or maybe I kept close to him. I felt safe when I could feel the heat of his body radiating nearby. I didn’t know if the attachment was because I thought that he could keep me safe from another traumatic incident, because he hadn’t left my side during many near death experiences, or simply because I knew he wouldn’t leave me alone. Whatever the reason, I simply didn’t care. I was just glad to have someone around who I knew cared, and the way he watched me proved just that. 

We studied for quite a long time. It was a great way to keep my mind distracted from the flashbacks and emotions that had been threatening to pull me under since the tip of the knife had touched my skin. My eyes were getting heavy and starting to burn though. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay awake for much longer. I wasn’t ready to be alone though. In fact, the thought of being alone in my dark room with my thoughts and memories was causing a panic that I was trying my best not to make the pair aware of. 

Draco really needed to sleep. He had been with me for a week, constantly keeping an eye on me. He had been worried and vigilant and stressed for the both of us. I couldn’t keep asking more of him. He needed to have time to himself or he would get burnt out. One person could only do so much, I had learned that lesson myself. 

“Hermione, you seem tired. We should stop for the day,” Theo said and I found his eyes watching me carefully. I just nodded moving to close the books and collect the parchment. Everything ended up in a stack on my desk and then we all stood watching each other unsurely. None of us seemed to want to make the first move to either leave or stay. 

“I don’t want to upset you or seem overbearing, but I don’t really feel comfortable leaving you alone just yet. I just want to be able to keep a check on your vitals for a bit longer. Draco said you were still in and out less than twenty four hours ago,” Theo said and it seemed like we all let out a breath of relief. 

“We all need sleep, but can you both stay? I don’t think I’m ready to be alone yet,” I said, resisting the urge to let my fingers brush over my newly uncovered scar. It was even uglier than before with a big jagged line running right through the original letters. “Draco, you need rest.”

“Won’t be able to sleep if I can’t check and make sure your scar is still closed,” Draco admitted. “As long as you let me stay, I promise I will sleep.”

I just nodded my head, and just like that we had come to an agreement. We piled into my bed like we had just days earlier. Theo cast a diagnostic charm that would raise an alarm if anything out of the ordinary happened. He handed us both a dreamless sleep, promising that he would be able to sleep without one, and insisting one of us needed to be able to wake up and take action should the charm go off. Draco and I finally conceded and took our respective potions, drifting off to sleep with the comfort of knowing there were people around to keep the demons at bay for another night.

Chapter Text

Draco

I was anxiously pacing the hall outside McGonagall's office. Everyone had received their exams scores together except Hermione. I knew it was McGonagall's last ditch effort to get Hermione into the Ministry. It wouldn’t work though, I was confident. After the incident with Ron, I knew Hermione was ready to leave. She could hardly stomach walking in the hallways or going to meals because of all the stares she got. I was getting plenty of stares and insults thrown my way as well, but they at least had the courtesy not to do it when Hermione was around. They had the decency not to say she was losing her mind or under a spell to her face. 

We only had to make it through today and then we would never need to come back. We would never have to deal with ridiculous accusations or expectations because of a war we had been forced to fight as children. 

Suddenly McGonagall's door opened and Hermione Granger came flying out with a grin on her face and her curls bouncing behind her. 

“I passed!” She exclaimed as she rushed towards me and jumped into my arms. 

“Congratulations,” I chuckled as she clung to me for a moment. While anyone else would have made a joke about her excitement, passing had been expected, I knew better. Hermione had been through a war, lived for a year in a tent, lost her family, was tortured relentlessly, and betrayed by her best friend a mere three days before her exams. Her passing her exams a half a year early was nothing short of a miracle. It was a testament to just how strong and resilient she truly was. 

“I am so proud of you,” I mumbled into her hair before she finally detached from me. Her eyes clouded with emotion for a moment before the smile came back to her face. 

“Thank you,” she smiled. “We just have to make it through one more dinner.”

“We can do that,” I assured her, placing a hand on her shoulder so we could head back to the dorm. I listened to Hermione talk excitedly about the future. She was looking healthier after her bout in the infirmary. She had color in her face again and smiled more. She hardly ever touched her scar and she was just as talkative and witty as ever. Theo and I both agreed it was good to have her back. 

“Well?” Theo grinned as we entered the dorm. Our trunks were waiting by the door, so we could leave as soon as we woke up in the morning. We weren’t staying for any longer than necessary. 

“I passed,” Hermione grinned, clapping her hands together. 

“You are amazing!” Theo grinned, moving to wrap her in a tight hug. Hermione laughed happily and it felt like everything was right in the world. “We’ll celebrate after dinner tonight, but do you want to talk about what McGonagall had to say?”

Hermione pulled away and looked down to her feet for a moment as if contemplating. “Questioning my mental stability and my ability to make an informed decision. They were jabs at my character and health, but it showed how desperate she was getting. Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Hermione shrugged. 

“We would tell you if you were crazy,” Theo shrugged. 

“You just spent a week with Pomfrey and she didn’t say a word about your mental health,” I said, squeezing her shoulder. “You’re making the right decision.”

Hermione nodded and gave me a shining smile. “I know.”

“What are you smiling about?” Hermione asked, looking over at Theo, whose eyes were practically shining. 

“I’m just really fucking proud of you,” Theo grinned shaking his head. “You have overcome so much and have come so far. You’re amazing.”

Hermione smiled softly. “I think we’re all pretty amazing. I mean, we’re here about to move on and start futures, despite everything that has tried to hold us back.”

Theo just chuckled and I knew we were thinking the same thing. Of course Hermione would lump us all into the same group, like our past mistakes didn’t exist. She was too good for the world. She was way too good for us. We were so lucky to have someone so forgiving and resilient on our side. 

“I love you,” Theo chuckled, giving her a friendly hug. 

“And I love you both,” Hermione said grinning up at me. It was intoxicating to see her so happy. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

It was impossible for one dinner to ruin my happiness right now. I was hours away from leaving the place that had destroyed my childhood. I had just proved to myself and everyone else that despite everything I had been through, I was still strong. I could still be who I was expected to be, but more than that I could be who I wanted to be. Draco and Theo saw in me what no one else seemed to understand- I had been through a lot and continuing to be who I was before the war was an accomplishment. It was a struggle not many people could overcome. 

Draco, Theo, and I went our separate ways when we got to the Great Hall. I could feel Draco’s eyes on me as I moved towards the Gryffindor table. I knew he was worried about me. I hadn’t spent much time with the rest of the student body after my incident with Ron. I could feel the stares and whispers. I knew they all wanted a look at my scar. I knew they all wanted the story. I knew they wanted to know if Draco had really been pacing outside of the infirmary until they let him in and then didn’t leave until I left with him. I knew they all had so many questions, but not a single one deserved the answers. 

“Hermione!” Ginny grinned, wrapping me in a tight hug. “How are you feeling?”

Harry looked up and watched me closely as if he felt my actions would speak louder than my words. “I’m good,” I smiled, pulling away so I could sit down at the table. 

“Well… are we going to see you here again next semester?” Harry asked, seemingly satisfied with my answer. 

“I passed,” I smiled sheepishly. The excitement filled my veins again and I wanted to dance. I couldn’t wait for the new future. I couldn’t wait to start my new life. 

“Of course you did,” Harry chuckled, patting my back. 

“Wouldn’t expect anything less,” Ginny grinned. 

“It only makes sense Hermione Granger would graduate a semester early,” Seamus chuckled from across the table. 

It felt like a cold bucket of ice water had been dropped on me as I came back to reality. Not everyone was Theo and Draco. Not everyone understood that passing my exams was hard- even for me. This was expected. This was supposed to be easy. I was supposed to be perfect at everything no matter what had happened to me. This was why I needed to leave. This was why I was so tired. 

“So will you be leading us as the next Minister in a few years?” Dean asked, resting his chin on his fist eyes gleaming. Everyone chuckled at the joke, but looked at me expectantly for an answer. Harry leaned back as if waiting for the table to explode at my answer. 

“I will be sticking with my original plan of attending muggle university,” I answered pragmatically. 

“Wait, the Skeeter article was TRUE?” Seamus gasped with wide eyes. “You’re moving in with Malfoy?”

“He is attending the same university as me, so we thought it would be practical to live together. It will be nice living with another wizard,” I answered. 

“Hermione, I know it’s been tough being back here,” Dean said slowly. “It’s been hard on all of us, and I know we have different ways of coping, but have you really thought about this?”

“He’s right,” Seamus said. “You don’t have to rush into the real world. You can still come back for the second term. Maybe you just need a bit more time to adjust. You have to admit you’ve been off for a while. Is it really a good idea to make these kinds of life decisions when you’re so clearly struggling?”

My mind was already starting to swirl with their words and I was starting to feel sick. I knew not everyone was Draco and Theo. I knew not everyone would understand. It just hurt to know their concern was too late and misdirected. Ginny and Harry had remained quiet, but I knew they agreed with Seamus and Dean to an extent. They had expressed concern about what they felt was a rash decision made when I was in a vulnerable place. They didn’t know or understand how long I had deliberated on the choices in front of me. They didn’t understand how long it took for me to finally let down my walls and accept help. They just didn’t get it and they never would. It was hard to accept when a person had changed almost beyond recognition. It had taken me a long time to accept Draco’s change, but when you put two people together who were wracked with the pressure of their name, accepting change became a lot easier. For me, it was harder to accept the fact that my best friends, who had gone through the same trauma as me, with me no less, hadn’t changed at all. People coped in their own ways, but that didn’t mean it was always easy to accept or understand. 

“Listen, I’m not condoning anything that Ron did or said, but do you really trust two Slytherins and one of them a Malfoy no less. Have you considered the idea of spells, potions, or curses? We really are just looking out for you.”

“Don’t bring Ron into this,” Ginny said quietly and one look at the pair beside me, guilt and concern etched into their faces shattered my heart into a million pieces. They were in on this conversation. They were attempting their last ditch effort to get me to stay, just as McGonnagall had only a few hours prior. Granted there were less insults and demeaning tones, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. 

“Don’t look at us like that Hermione,” Harry said, placing his hand on my hand. “We are just worried. Don’t let that one experience drag you away from your best friends. You’re safe now. Ron is gone and you are more safe here than you will be anywhere else.”

I felt the tears pooling in my eyes as I watched my best friends stare at me like I was a fragile animal. Maybe at one time I had been, but I was getting stronger every day, and the encounter with Ron hadn’t been my breaking point, it had only made my skin thicker and my resolve to leave stronger. 

“You all told me I was safe when Ron was here. Maybe I will be physically safe here now, but my mind won’t be. I constantly have people questioning me and picking me apart like I’m broken. I’m not broken, and honestly that has nothing to do with any of you. You all said nothing when I wasn’t eating or sleeping and just going through the motions. You don’t have a right to say anything now that I have taken my recovery and health into my own hands, now that I’m finally prioritizing myself and my happiness. I appreciate your concern, but it’s misdirected and much too late.”

“Hermione, don't be like this,” Ginny sighed. “Please just stay for the last term. Take time to see a mind healer, take some potions, and then make your decision at the end of the year.”

“I’ve already made my decision,” I answered standing up. “I don’t need a mind healer to drug me into submission, so I can continue to be the person you need or want me to be. I’m coping and changing in my own way, and if none of you can accept that then please just let me go.”

They didn’t bother to call after me as I walked away. It felt like the pillars that held up the last place I had called home were crumbling into dust as I moved to the doors. There was nothing left of the life I had built here. The last of the happy memories had been distorted and clouded. I needed to leave before they consumed me and swallowed me whole. 

Chapter Text

Draco

Hermione had been in a funk for the past three days. It was understandable after her last and final discussion with her best friends. She had lost her home and family in more ways than one. It hurt to see her excitement and joy fade from her eyes so quickly. We had done everything we could think of to fix it, but nothing had worked. We tried drinking in the dorm to celebrate our last night and her passing scores. We tried shopping for Christmas presents and decorations. We tried taking her for walks in Theo’s gardens and throwing snowballs. We tried decorating the tree and watching a cheesy muggle Christmas movie. We tried baking and decorating cookies. We even tried just plain old talking. None of it worked. 

Hermione sat at the window seat staring at the falling snow just as she had every moment we hadn’t been with her and pestering her. Her eyes were tired and sad. Her shoulders were slumped and defeated. Neither of us knew what to do. Our concern and worry is how we found ourselves sitting around the Christmas tree with a sad looking Granger and my perplexed mother giving her sidelong glances. 

“Well I must say this is about as cheery of a Christmas as I expected,” my mother said finally. We all looked at her a bit surprised, even Hermione. My mother had always been able to hide her emotions well. After my father was sentenced to Azkaban, that had changed, but over the past few months she had gained back her composure. 

“Well I don’t know why you all look surprised. We are celebrating our first Christmas after a devastating war. We have all lost people and parts of ourselves. Maybe a normal celebration isn’t what we need today,” my mother said, rising from the sofa. “I don’t think it is appropriate to carry on with our Christmas as we always have before without acknowledging how much has changed, wouldn’t you agree Miss Granger?”

Hermione looked at my mother with wide eyes and then gave a small hesitant nod. “Come on,” my mother said, gesturing for us all to hold on to her. We each looked at her hesitant unsure where she was planning to take us. 

“Now don’t look at me like the Christmas celebration you planned to have is satisfying you right now,” she said with a huff. “Let’s go.”

Finally we all held a part of my mother and she suddenly whisked us away from Theo’s house. I was surprised to find us in the gardens of our French home. Theo and Hermione looked around in confusion. There was snow on the ground, but the plants never stopped growing despite the chill. “Go on, Miss Granger choose some flowers to pick,” my mother insisted. Theo and I watched the pair skeptically. I didn’t step in when my mother took Hermione by the arm and began explaining the meaning behind each flower. Theo said nothing either. We both knew that my mother was very intuitive at knowing what people needed. I knew we were both just secretly hoping this would break Hermione from her funk. It took about fifteen minutes for Hermione and my mom to appear with a bundle of colorful flowers. 

“I believe you know where you’re going Miss Granger, the question is would you like to go alone or would you like us to join you?” My mother asked. Theo and I both stared in confusion at the silent conversation the pair seemed to have. 

“Come with me?” She whispered and we all nodded despite having no clue where we would end up next. We held tightly to Hermione before we were transported again. This time my stomach sunk as I looked around. I knew exactly where we were as Hermione hesitantly approached a pair of headstones. The name Granger was present on both causing my stomach to twist as my mother took a step back and placed a hand on both Theo and my shoulder. 

“Sometimes we have to acknowledge the empty places in our hearts that are causing us pain on days like today,” my mother said quietly nodding towards the curly headed girl kneeling between the pair of gravestones. 

Eventually after Hermione had sat in the snow in front of her parents' graves for a few minutes, I decided to approach. I cast a silent warming charm on her before taking a seat beside her. I didn’t say anything, I just took her hand. She stayed silent for a beat and I wondered if we would just sit in quiet contemplation. Then she spoke. 

“Every Christmas my father would dress up like Santa and bring the gifts down from the attic. He would pretend he had gotten confused because we had always kept an old Christmas tree up there we had been too lazy to throw away.

“My mother would laugh and give him a cookie for the road. He would disappear and return back in a pair of reindeer pajamas. 

“It was always just the three of us, but for some reason that had always been enough. The lights on the tree, the warmth of the fire, and the smell of my mom’s roast always made it seem like we had everything we needed.

“I really miss them. I miss my mom watching me over her coffee cup knowing exactly which present I was unwrapping before I had even taken the paper off. I miss my dad pretending to be surprised by every gift he got and crying every time he opened the one from me. I miss my family today, not the Weasleys, or Harry, or even Hogwarts, I miss the people who raised and loved me even when I was just a strange little girl who always had her nose buried in a book.”

I let the tears track down her cheeks and the snow gently land on our heads and clothes without saying a word. There was nothing I could say that would make her feel better or change the emptiness in her heart. All I could do was be there, so she knew she wasn’t alone. She was allowed to have her feelings, as long as she understood that there were people to listen and love her even when it felt like there wasn’t. 

“I’m sorry I’m ruining your Christmas,” she sighed, keeping her eyes trained in front of her. I kept my eyes on the flowers she had laid down. 

“My mother was right, it’s impossible to celebrate like nothing has changed. Not a single one of us wanted to sit around a tree and sing carols today. Passing around gifts and eating sweets and having a big feast is doing a disservice to everything we have gone through. I promise you, this is a much more fitting way to celebrate the holiday.”

“I’m glad I’m here with you and Theo and even your mother. If I had been at the burrow, it would have been so chaotic and overwhelming. I wouldn’t have had a moment like this, I wouldn’t have been allowed to,” she said resting her head on my shoulder. “Thank you for giving me a moment to feel what I needed to feel.”

“Always,” I replied slowly. 

“I was scared to meet your mom,” she admitted. “She is not who I expected.”

“I’m not sure you weren’t who she expected either,” I told her. 

“War changes people,” Hermione sighed. “We should get back though. It’s still Christmas and there are gifts under the tree and a roast that’s begging to be eaten.”

“Are you ready?” I asked. Hermione nodded and sat up. I helped her stand, gripping her hand tightly in mine. 

“Happy Christmas Mum and Dad.”

She made no moves to let go of my hand as we approached our makeshift family. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

“Cheers to the new year,” Theo said, tapping his flute of champagne against both Draco and mine. 

“You’re a day late,” Draco chuckled after taking a swig of his drink. 

“The new year didn’t start until you were officially moved into this place,” Theo said, flipping back on our new couch and gazing out the big picture windows. “I have to say you two really know how to pick out a place.”

“It’s nice isn’t it,” I nodded letting myself settle into the couch propping my feet onto the coffee table. 

“Already feels more like home than the manor ever has,” Draco said, letting his arm fall to the back of the couch behind me. 

“You’re never going to leave are you Theo?” I laughed rolling my eyes. 

“Do you really want me to leave?” Theo pouted. 

“Not yet,” Draco chuckled, shaking his head. 

“What would you even do if you left?” I laughed rolling my eyes at his dramatics. Theo had no plan now that he was out of Hogwarts. The truth was, he didn’t really need a plan considering he had more than enough money to live off of. 

Theo gave a shrug and stared off thoughtfully for a moment. “I don’t know,  I would like to travel a bit I think. I never really got the chance what with my father and the whole fucking war. I’ve never been to America and I would like to see that side of the wizarding world. I’ll wait a bit though. I have to make sure the two of you are really happy here before I leave you on your own.”

“I walked campus before you guys woke up this morning, and I already feel like this is where I’m meant to be,” I admitted. The cool morning air hitting my skin and the dew sparkling on the grass as I walked through the empty campus had brought back memories of waiting for the bus with my mom every morning. I missed my parents every day, but being in the muggle world again seemed to tether me back to them and back to the world. Magic was still humming through me, but it felt much less chaotic and distracting here. It felt like I was able to see and hear myself more clearly. 

Draco gave me a small smile and his hand gently gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “It’s nice being able to walk down the street without people giving me glares and a wide breadth of space. I feel almost normal… good.”

“You are good,” I smiled at him. “Just wait until school starts and everyone wants to be your friend.”

“Even in primary school no one wanted to be Draco’s friend,” Theo chuckled. “When do you two start another year of school anyway?”

“In a week,” I answered feeling giddy. I couldn’t wait to start a new year at a new school. Most people would feel fear or nerves, but all I felt was excitement. I couldn’t wait to feel like I was in a place where I belonged, a place where I wasn’t years behind. 

“I can’t believe you two are choosing to go to more school after the shit show we endured for the past seven years,” Theo said, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“Surprisingly school is just school in the muggle world. Teachers don’t place the weight of winning a war on the shoulders of their students,” I said, causing both boys to chuckle. 

“I can’t wait to hear all about Draco’s first day at muggle school. Maybe he’ll make a better first impression this time,” Theo smirked. 

“Oh piss off,” Draco scoffed, flicking Theo off. 

“On that note, I’m off to bed,” Theo said, setting his empty glass on the table and pushing himself off the couch. “Night nerds.”

“Are you excited for school to start?” I asked turning myself to face Draco, our knees practically touching. 

“Do you really think people will want to talk to me?” He asked, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Of course they will,” I laughed. “You just need to be you, the real you and not your father’s version. I love you despite everything, right?”

“Right,” Draco nodded, chewing on his fingertip seemingly unsure. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I said, leaning my cheek onto the couch to watch him. 

“I know this is a whole new place and people have no idea who I am, but that doesn’t mean that I have changed. I mean my past is still my past and my mannerisms are still the same and…”

“I’m still the same too,” I replied with a shrug. “My nightmares aren’t going to stop and my scars aren’t going to fade just because we’re here. The war changed us, but it didn’t destroy us or bring out the worst in us. At the core I’m still me. At the core you are still the boy who lied to save us, held me together while I fell apart, and have managed to maintain a tight bond with Theo despite all the shit you both have been put through. You’re a good person and an even better friend, anyone who can’t see that doesn’t deserve to have you.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you in my life,” Draco sighed, squeezing my knee gently. 

“I could say the same about you,” I smiled. “We should get to bed.”

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Draco said, his gaze lingering on me as I stood. I felt my cheeks heat up as I moved towards my bedroom. We were friends, both of us too broken for anything more, but sometimes I couldn’t ignore the heat of his gaze or the way his biceps seemed to push against the fabric of his shirts when he moved. I was attracted to him and sometimes I thought he may feel the same way, but I needed him too much to ruin what we had. 

Chapter Text

Hermione 

2 months later

“Shit Mi I did it again!” Draco yelled from the kitchen. The phrase had become a common occurrence as Draco learned to navigate the muggle world. Especially when Draco was in the kitchen. It was one thing to learn how to cook, it was entirely another to learn how to cook and also how to do it in the muggle world. I rushed out of my bedroom attempting to shove in my earring in the process. 

“I’m coming,” I called as Draco clanged around in a panic. When I rounded the corner I found Draco frantically fanning at a pot overflowing with boiling water. 

“I can’t remember what to do and I don’t want to burn my hands again,” he groaned from his spot at the stove. 

“It happens,” I shrugged, patting his shoulder gently. “Just use the handles and take the pot off the burner. You’ll be fine.”

Draco nodded and followed my instructions. Instantly we watched the water calm and shrink. “Thanks Mi, I’m sorry this keeps happening.”

“It’s alright,” I smiled, squeezing his arm. “You’re still learning. Why don’t I finish this up, so you can change.”

“I don’t see why we need to get dressed up for these assholes. We see them every day,” Draco groaned. 

“Because it’s fun,” I said for the millionth time. Since Draco and I were the only ones in our friend group without a million roommates and we had a decent sized apartment, we hosted dinner once a week. Sometimes the dinner ended up being a box of pizza and a pajama party, but tonight we were celebrating Draco and another of our friends passing a big test they had been studying for for ages. I hadn’t seen Draco for more than breakfast in almost two weeks. I had missed him. 

“I don’t see why we can’t just have a night to ourselves tonight. It’s been ages since just you and I have hung out,” Draco pouted. “You know we’re going to end up at a bar or some shit.”

“What’s wrong with going to the bar? I for one could use a drink,” I said, placing the pot back on the burner. 

“Why do you need a drink?” Draco asked the panic flashing quickly in his eyes as he glanced at my glamoured arm before returning to normal. 

“I just think it will be nice to let loose with everyone, we haven’t done it in a while since you all have been so busy with school,” I shrugged. “I’ve missed everyone.”

“Alright, let me go change,” Draco said, his eyes softening as he squeezed my shoulder. “You look way too nice for me to stay in my pajamas.”

“You’re such a kiss ass. I know you’re just too scared to put the pot back on the burner,” I said, rolling my eyes. 

“You know me too well,” Draco chuckled, moving out of the kitchen. 

It was only fifteen minutes later that our friends were knocking on the door and Draco was opening it without hesitation. 

“Drake!” They shouted and he let out a good natured chuckle. “Please don’t tell me you are making Mi cook again.”

“Unless you want burnt dinner, I think it’s the best option,” he chuckled and I could hear the group moving towards the kitchen. 

“Is our lovely friend Theo here this week?” 

“No, I think he went out to Greece for a few days. He said he would be back by the end of next week,” Draco answered. 

“That man is always traveling, how does he do it?” 

“He’s fucking loaded,” Draco chuckled. 

“Of course he is. You all and your Scottish boarding school in the fucking mountains.”

Suddenly all three of our friends were rushing into the kitchen wrapping me in tight hugs. There was Max with his long flipping hair and goofy endearing personality. He had been the first one we met, in fact the second he set eyes on Draco and his brooding demeanor he made it his mission to make him crack a smile. Then there was Samantha with her sleek blonde hair and perfectly manicured nails. She always reminded me of Pansy, if Pansy hadn’t been a raging bitch. Her and Max definitely gave off a will-they-won’t-they vibe more nights than not. And finally we had Grace, who was almost too observant for her own good. She was smart and asked too many questions. She knew Draco and I had been through too much without either of us having to say the words, and I knew she was curious about what it was, but we had managed to avoid a majority of her questions in which the answers revolved around magic. The first few weeks we knew each other she had gravitated towards Draco with flirtatious touches and constantly concerned glances. I didn’t know if it was the way Draco and I practically clung to each other those first few weeks or the panic flashing across my face at the thought of losing Draco to someone much more whole than me, but it seemed Grace had completely changed direction and was now constantly trying to pin the two of us together. 

“Mi! It smells amazing in here!” Grace grinned, coming to wrap me in a tight hug. 

“It was mostly Draco I just put on the finishing touches,” I smiled, meeting his gray eyes for just a moment to find him staring back at me. It always made my heart skip a beat. 

“After he almost burned the house down I’m sure,” Max laughed, clapping Draco on the back. 

“It was just a boiled over pot this time,” I smiled, causing the group to erupt into laughter. Draco’s ears were a nice shade of pink from all the attention. The first time I had seen it happen, I had been so worried. The last thing I ever wanted him to feel was that he didn’t fit in. I had pulled him aside after our first get together with the group and made him assure me he really didn’t mind the jokes. I had gone into a long winded speech about how much he was already learning and how quickly, and he just brushed me off and assured me he knew how to take a joke. 

“Alright alright, you lot, go sit down and I’ll bring out the food,” Draco said, pushing everyone towards the table. 

“You want help?” I asked, giving his arm a squeeze. 

“No, no, you’ve helped enough,” Draco smiled. “I know you missed our friends, so go hang out with them.”

“Mi, how have you been? I feel like it’s been ages since I’ve seen you,” Grace grinned when I took a seat at the table leaving the spot next to me open for Draco. 

“I’ve been good,” I smiled, actually meaning it. “I’ve missed you all though.”

“I bet you missed your best friend, I think I was seeing him more than you were,” Grace said, shaking her head. 

“Yeah, the apartment has been oddly quiet,” I nodded letting my eyes fall to Draco as he walked into the room with food. 

“I can’t really imagine that Drake here makes the apartment all that lively,” Max jeered, causing the group to chuckle. 

“He is pretty quiet, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone in here,” I said, squeezing his shoulder gently as he sat down. 

“Should have asked Theo to come for the week,” Draco sighed looking guilty. 

“I’m a big girl,” I chuckled, nudging him in the ribs. “I can be alone for a few hours every day.” 

“You two are so cute,” Grace squealed, causing both of our cheeks to heat up. 

“Can we eat already? I’m starving!” Max groaned, causing both of us to recover and jump to serve food to everyone.

Once everyone had food and had settled I spoke up, “I just wanted to say I’m so proud of you both, Draco and Grace, for passing your exams. You’re both so amazing.”

“Yes, our friends are geniuses!” Samantha grinned. “It is good to all be back together though. Thank god none of us are major nerds.”

Draco chuckled under his breath causing me to nudge him in the ribs. 

“What are you two giggling about over there?” Grace asked slyly. She really was way too perceptive. 

“Nothing,” I said quickly, feeling my cheeks heat up. 

“Mi over here used to be the biggest nerd of all time,” Draco grinned almost giddily.

“No way,” Samantha said, eyes wide as she appraised me in a new light. Things really hadn’t changed all that much for me. I still loved learning and I thrived in my classes, but I was much more muted about it. I didn’t feel the need to prove to everyone that I was the smartest in the room. I didn’t need to prove myself to anyone, and I made sure to never push myself to the point of stress or anxiety.  

“She had her own table in the school’s library,” Draco nodded eagerly. 

“I’m a changed woman,” I smiled. 

“Thank god,” Draco said, patting my knee. “It wasn’t healthy.” 

Everyone nodded in agreement even if they didn’t truly understand. 

“I remember when I met you two,” Grace nodded. “You both seem just so much happier and more yourselves now.”

“This is exactly where we needed to be,” I replied, feeling Draco’s eyes settle on the side of my face.

Chapter Text

Draco

Through the flashing lights of the club, I watched Mi dance with Samantha and Grace without a care in the world. She had mentioned so many times while we were in our eighth year how much she hated being Hermione Granger, so when we moved she decided to shorten it. It started with Mia, and somehow it had shrunken even further to Mi. In just the few months we had been living in the muggle world, she seemed so much happier and more carefree. 

I was doing a lot better in the muggle world too. The adjustment period was definitely hard and I was still learning a lot, but it made me even further appreciate everything Hermione had struggled with as just a young child. It made me love who she was then and who she was now even more. 

“Are you going to stare at her all night or are you going to dance with her?” Max smirked, nudging me in the ribs. 

“I’m letting her have her moment,” I replied, clapping Max on the shoulder. “She’ll find me when she’s ready.”

When I first met Max, I hated him. He was young and goofy. He was the most unserious person I had ever met, but he didn’t seem to mind my brooding and quiet personality. Mi thought he was the funniest person and eventually he had grown on me too. He was a sweet kid and he and Samantha had a very interesting dynamic. 

“When are you two going to date?” Max huffed, leaning back against the bar. 

“It’s a lot more complicated than that,” I said with a shake of my head. “When are you and Samantha going to date though?”

“Well we’ve kind of been sleeping together, but we’ll see,” Max shrugged. 

“Kind of sleeping together?” I chuckled. 

“I mean we’re sleeping together, but then sometimes we just watch movies and fall asleep, I don’t know,” he shrugged. 

“I think that means you’re dating, you just need to actually put a label on it mate,” I said, shaking my head. 

“Max come dance!” Samantha called, causing him to push off the bar and squeeze my shoulder. I watched Mi turn around and give me a big smile before she was making her way over. 

“Hi Draco,” she smiled, moving to lean against the bar beside me. Despite the rest of the group shortening my name to Drake, Mi never stopped calling me Draco. I always wondered why she hadn’t followed along with the rest of the group, but I never asked her. I didn’t mind it and I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Maybe if she was drunk though, I could get it out of her. 

“Hi, do you want another drink?” I asked, watching her watch the crowd. She nodded her head and I flagged down the bartender. 

“Are you having fun?” She asked, moving to lean against my side. 

“Of course I am,” I nodded, tracing my fingers along her bare arm. “Are you having a good time?”

She nodded, taking a sip of her new drink. “I really missed you. I’m glad we’re here together.”

“I missed you too,” I nodded, giving her a little squeeze. It felt good to have her by my side again. Classes in the muggle world were definitely not as time consuming as the classes at Hogwarts had been, but I was trying a lot harder now. I wanted to go to classes and be successful in them. I felt respected by both my teachers and my peers which was a new feeling. Back at Hogwarts I had spent just as much time researching courses at the university to try and decide on a major. I ended up choosing to move in the direction of architecture because it tied in with my interests of math, history, and art. I shared a math class with Grace, which is how we had met, and for the past week we had been holed up in her apartment and the library studying our asses off for our first major test. It felt like Hermione and I had switched places. It also made me realize just how comfortable I had gotten living with her. She never cared if I made a mistake or acted grumpy. I had gotten used to her constantly humming as she cooked or cleaned and the way she would randomly update me about the books she was reading. Being without her made me realize how much I missed and needed her. 

“Are you having fun?” She asked, looking up at me with big eyes. 

“Of course,” I nodded. “Are you?”

“The best time,” she glowed. “Max and Samantha seem to be having a lot of fun too. I really think they're going to get together soon.”

“Samantha has apparently been calling him over all the time to sleep with him and just watch movies and shit. I think Max just needs to ask her to be his girlfriend and they’ll actually be a real thing,” I chuckled watching Mi’s eyes light up at this new information. She had come to love gossiping with me about our friends’ love lives and our classmates. 

“I think Samantha needs to be eased into it. I know Max would jump at the opportunity to date her, but I think Samantha is thinking quite that seriously yet. They’re doing the relationship stuff, but maybe she isn’t ready to carry all the weight that comes with a relationship quite yet.”

“Fair,” I nodded, appraising the pair dancing with each other. “But they’ve already done the hard parts of a relationship. They’ve met the parents, introduced the friends, had plenty of fights, slept together…”

“They don’t live together,” Mi answered, raising an eyebrow. 

“True,” I nodded, forgetting for a second that we hadn’t been talking about ourselves. “But who knows if they would ever live together. That’s way in the future.”

“They’ll get together when they’re both ready,” Mi smiled, leaning her head on my shoulder. “There’s no point in rushing it.”

“We’re all still young,” I nodded in agreement. 

“Are you going to be ready to go home soon?” Mi asked as she finished her drink. “This last drink is going to push me over the edge and I want to be in the comfort of my own home when that happens.”

“Then let’s go say our goodbyes,” I chuckled, giving her a fond smile. I loved drunk Mi. She was always so much more open and carefree. It was why we both liked to go home after a couple drinks- we were always more likely to talk about magic and Hogwarts. 

It took an entire hour to get Mi home. She was horrible at goodbyes and always ended up dragging them out  like she would never see her friends again. I never rushed her, I just couldn’t seem to ever deny her of anything that made her happy. 

“Draco, I’m so happy we’re home,” Mi cooed, keeping her arms wrapped tightly around my neck to keep herself steady. “I’ve been dying to take off my shoes and heat up our leftovers.”

“Alright, you go change and I will heat up the leftovers for you,” I said, attempting to detach myself from her Vice-like grip. 

“No, no, no,” she said, shaking her head and holding on tighter. “Come with me.”

“Why?” I laughed as she tugged me along. 

“Because you left me alone all week, and I don’t want to be alone anymore,” she whined. I smiled to myself, feeling my stomach warm at her words. 

When we got into her room, a place she had made her own over the past two months,I let myself look around. There were little twinkling lights hanging from the ceiling and stacks of paperbacks resting on the floors as she attempted to choose the perfect place to house them. There were no magical touches or reminders of her Hogwarts days. The only thing that proved that she lived a life prior to this current moment was a photo of her and her parents resting on the bedside table. 

“We still need to get you a bookshelf,” I said, moving to pull away so I could help her with her shoes. 

“No, just stay still and let me hug you for a minute,” she said, moving her arms to my back and resting her head on my chest. “I missed you Draco.”

“Why do you call me that?” I asked running my hand through her hair. She looked up at me suddenly with big open eyes. 

“I didn’t call you your real name for seven years of our lives. Now that I have the chance, I’m not going to stop,” she answered, touching my jaw gently. “You don’t mind?”

“Of course not,” I said quickly. I loved that the name she called me was different from our friends. I loved that the name she called me was a testament to how much the both of us had grown. 

“Draco,” she smiled, meeting my eyes. Suddenly she was leaning towards me, and it took everything in me to push her away. 

“Mi, you’re drunk,” I sighed, running a hand over her bare arm. 

“I don’t want to be like Max and Samantha,” she frowned. “Do you like me?”

“Mi, I love you and I promise that if you remember this in the morning and try again, I will kiss you back,” I said praying to God she actually remembered. It was always hit or miss when she was drunk what she would remember. 

“I love you too Draco, and I’m going to tell you again in the morning,” she said adamantly. 

“If all I ever get to hear is you saying it this one time, I will be satisfied.”

Chapter Text

Hermione 

Draco was always underestimating me when I was drunk. Of course I woke up the next morning with a perfect memory of what had happened the night before. It was a good thing I remembered the whole night including his final words to me, because without those words it would have been difficult for me to approach him after being so clearly rejected. I stormed out of my room on a mission- not caring about my fuzzy socks or wonky bun. 

“Malfoy,” I snapped as soon as I found him standing at the stove. He turned slowly with a mug of coffee resting in his hands and a smirk on his face. 

“Granger, how are you feeling?” 

“I’m feeling like I told a man I loved him last night and he rejected my kiss,” I said, crossing my arms. I wasn’t really mad at him. Draco Malfoy was nothing if not a gentleman, and I knew he would never try anything after I had had even a sip of alcohol. 

“And do you remember anything else from last night Granger?” Draco asked, his eyes sparking with hope. It made my stomach sink to think about how long he could have been waiting for me to get the guts to bring up my feelings, and why he had chosen never to say anything. 

“Will you stop stalling and just come kiss me or did you change your mind?” 

“How could I ever change my mind when you look so perfect after just rolling out of bed?” Draco grinned, taking big steps toward me. I never believed that someone’s words could affect me so physically, but I felt my heart stuttering and my stomach flipping as my temperature rose a few degrees. 

“Don’t flatter me,” I huffed. “I already told you I love you.”

“Hermione Granger, when I tell you that I have been in love with you for probably five years, I’m not making that shit up,” he said, placing his arm around my waist and pulling me against him. Our noses were touching and my breathing sped up as he looked into my eyes with a certain hunger. 

“Then stop waiting and kiss me,” I managed to get out and then his lips were on mine and the electricity was racing up my spine. As his hand ran through my hair and my breath was being taken away, I couldn’t think of anywhere else I would want to be. I let my fingers move to his sharp jaw tracing it gently as we slowly pulled away. Draco didn’t make it much farther than just disconnecting our lips, still hovering with our noses touching. 

I smirked up at him, “well?” 

“Even better than I imagined,” he replied. 

“How many times have you imagined it?” I asked, feeling a little too giddy as his eyes lit up. 

“Too many to count Mi,” he chuckled, running a hand over the back of my head. 

“I know we’ve only just said I love you, but we should probably talk about real things,” I said, pulling away slightly. 

“Let’s get you a coffee first,” Draco said, giving me a soft smile. He pulled away, keeping a hand gently around my arm. He passed me a warm mug before pulling me over to sit on the window bench. Our knees were practically touching. 

“What do you want to talk about?” Draco asked his eyes serious as he twirled a piece of my hair in his fingers. 

“I just need to know that you’re not still holding all that guilt over what happened at the manor,” I said, touching my glamoured arm awkwardly. 

“Mi,” Draco said looking out the window with a grimace on his face. I felt my heart sink. 

“But look at how much we’ve grown,” I frowned. “Look at how much you’ve helped me. If you hadn’t stepped in, I wouldn’t be here right now. There is no way I would be this happy or healthy. If you hadn’t lied that night, I’m not sure either of us would be here right now. I know bad shit happened, but you were just a kid and the adults in our lives were fucking psychotic. You couldn’t have done anything more.”

“Hermione,” Draco sighed like my name was his greatest weight. “Belatrix knew I was in love with you that night. Before I learned to occlude properly, she saw you in my mind. She knew about my feelings and it only made her hate you more. It wasn’t just about your blood or Harry Potter that night. It was about me and my family and our legacy. I will never be able to forgive myself for making you more of a target.”

I felt my eyes get misty. He had loved me for that long and so seriously even his Aunt, who had been completely consumed with Voldemort had seen it. He had held onto this guilt and burden for so long without ever revealing it to me. It was even worse to know that he didn’t just feel guilt over his inaction, he felt guilt about his thoughts and emotions too. I scooted closer, tucking myself into his side and resting my head in the crook of his neck. 

“I would never hold your feelings against you. I love you no matter what happened in our past and no matter what happens in our future.”

“I love you too,” Draco sighed, pulling me close. “It will just take me a little longer to forgive myself.”

“I can wait,” I smiled. “And I’ll take the time to show you why you deserve it.”

“I’m so lucky to have you,” he said, kissing my forehead. Sometimes when I sat back and really thought about who we were even just a year ago, it was amazing to me how much we had grown and changed. When I thought about how much of a miracle it was that we had both changed in such a positive direction, I realized just how lucky I was too. 

Chapter Text

Draco

1 year later 

“So mom, dad, do you promise not to embarrass me when Johnny comes to dinner tonight?” Theo asked with a pout. Ever since Mi and I had gotten together Theo had made the ridiculous habit of calling us mom and dad. I despised it and couldn’t wait to be just as obnoxiously annoying when we met his first serious boyfriend. Apparently they had met in America a month prior in some gay bar that according to Theo “I would avoid at all costs.” He was a squib whose parents had gone to Hogwarts. Apparently he was very knowledgeable about what had happened throughout the war and didn’t mind that Theo had been forced to take the mark as a child. 

“Stop fucking calling us that,” I groaned as Mi placed a hand on my shoulder. 

“Of course we won’t embarrass you,” she smiled sweetly while also giving me a painful nudge in the ribs. 

“Thanks mom,” Theo grinned, pulling Hermione away from me and wrapping her in a tight hug. 

“I’ve missed you,” Hermione laughed. “You don’t come around enough anymore. We have to make sure your boyfriend likes us so you spend more time here.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s the opposite of what we need to happen,” I said, shaking my head. Theo was here at least two out of the four weeks each month. As much as I loved him, he made it really hard for me to have any alone time with my girlfriend. 

“What do you want us to cook tonight? I was thinking my mom’s chili recipe, but I also have stuff for lasagna too,” Mi said, brushing me off. 

“I love your mom’s chili!” Theo nodded excitedly. “Do you need me to help with anything?”

“No, Draco will help me,” she smiled before looking at me. “Right babe?”

“Sure,” I nodded knowing I couldn’t ever say no to her. 

“Alright then let’s get started,” she smiled, pulling me to the kitchen.

“So how are classes going?” Theo asked. 

“Really great,” Hermione grinned. “I’m in this Greek lit class with this super awesome professor. I’m just learning so much and we’ve been having such great conversations.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Theo chuckled. “What about you Draco? Still drawing pictures of buildings?”

“Yup that’s all I do every day,” I said, flicking him off. He let out a loud laugh that I missed when he was off traveling the world. As much as he annoyed me, he was my brother and it was hard not seeing him every day. I knew Hermione felt it too sometimes. He had been a strong support system for both of us that last year. It was good that he was getting out on his own though. School had never been his favorite thing in the world, and he had always been antsy to explore what was out there. I was just happy to know that he had found someone to keep him company. I hated the idea of him being lonely. 

“And you guys are going to bring over Samantha and Max and Grace at some point right?” Theo asked, leaning his arms on the island as Hermione leaned over my shoulder to sprinkle more spices into the pot I was stirring. 

“Of course, they always ask about you,” she smiled. “Half the time we don’t even know where to tell them you are.”

“What can I say, I’m a well traveled man now,” Theo chuckled. “I am kind of surprised the two of you were so quick to settle down. I would have thought you would want to see the world a bit, Hermione.”

“Need I remind you of the year I spent living in a tent in search of horcruxes?” Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow at Theo, who gave an involuntary shudder.

“Please don’t ever remind me again,” Theo replied. I nodded silently. Hermione had never really brought up her seventh year, besides the memory neither one of us could forget, I didn’t know much about what her life was like in that tent. The truth was, I didn’t really want to know. The idea of hearing how shitty her friends were and how much pressure they put on her and how much pressure she put on herself made me sick to think about. 

“I definitely won’t,” Hermione said, giving us a little salute before returning to the pot. 

Only a half hour later there was a knock on the door signaling that Johnny had arrived. 

“You go answer the door Theo,” Mi smiled, patting his shoulder. “We will finish setting the table.”

Theo nervously downed his glass of wine before rushing towards the door. Mi gave me a pointed look. “Be nice.”

“I’m always nice,” I said, placing my hand on my chest and feigning innocence. 

“It’s his first time here and he probably doesn’t know exactly what to expect. Just be welcoming. We don’t want to be the reason he breaks up with Theo,” she said firmly. 

“I promise I’ll be on my best behavior,” I said, placing an x over my heart. 

“Good,” she smiled, pecking my cheek causing a blush to form. She always got me worked up with the most simple things. 

“I think we did a good job with the chili. It smells delicious,” I said as I brought the pot to the table. 

“We make a good team,” she said, placing the bowls down at each spot. We could hear excited conversation happening in the hallway and I knew Hermione was trying her very best not to eavesdrop even though I knew she wanted to. 

“Alright come on, I better introduce you and get you a glass of wine,” we heard Theo tell Johnny and Hermione straightened excitedly. I chuckled and rubbed her arm gently as she tried to peer around the corner to get a peek. It was only a few seconds later that the pair walked in holding hands. Johnny was tall and lanky with shaggy black hair and a pale complexion. He had a big grin on his face as he stared at Theo. 

“Johnny, these are my best friends, Draco and Mi,” Theo said, gesturing towards us. 

“It is so wonderful to finally meet you Johnny, we’ve heard so much about you,” Hermione grinned, rushing over and giving Johnny a tight hug. 

“It’s great to finally meet you as well,” Johnny chuckled, patting Hermione’s back gently. When they pulled away I held my hand out. 

“Good to meet you Johnny,” I said, giving his hand a firm shake. 

“I’m so glad to finally be meeting you guys,” Johnny smiled. “Theo talks about you two constantly.”

“Only good things I hope,” Hermione smiled as Theo set a wine glass in his hand. 

“Of course I would only ever say good things about you Mi,” Theo grinned, giving one of her curls a gentle tug. 

“Well come on, take a seat. Let me make you a bowl,” Hermione smiled gesturing towards the table. Mi always insisted on serving everyone before she sat down. She once told me she was always scared she wouldn’t make enough food, and she would rather be the one to go without. I always thought that showed who she was at heart more than her grades or accolades during the war. 

“So Johnny, tell us a bit about yourself,” I said as Mi sat down beside me. She rested her hand on my thigh as if to hold me back. I was protective over Theo, but from everything he had said so far, I had no reason to doubt this relationship was the real deal. 

“Well I’m a muggle, but my parents both went to Hogwarts. I don’t particularly love the term squib.”

“Understandable,” Hermione nodded immediately.

“Um when Voldemort started gaining traction the first time around, they moved us to America. I’ve lived there ever since I was a baby. My parents actually snapped their wands and have lived a muggle life since we moved to America. They wanted to keep me safe and make sure they were around to raise me. It’s strange because even now they don’t want anything to do with the life they once had. Neither one has ever mentioned being interested in getting a wand again. Now that I’m older and I understand just how traumatic life was for most people in the wizarding world the past few years, I think I understand it much better now.”

“Don’t get me wrong, you all have your problems too, and cooking is a bitch without magic, but I’ve come to love the simplicity of muggle life,” Theo said, clapping Johnny’s shoulder lovingly. Johnny gave him a grin. It was clear the two were really in love just based on their mannerisms and Mi was eating it up. She had the biggest grin on her face. 

“It’s great to see how open and accepting you are, despite not experiencing it for yourself,” Mi said as she ran her thumb across my thigh absentmindedly. 

“Well I can’t really be judgemental about something I don’t fully understand, and from what I’ve learned about Theo, there’s no way he is the person some people believe him to be.”

“He’s one of the kindest people I know,” Mi nodded, causing Theo to blush. 

“Alright, enough of the sap,” I said, giving Mi’s side a good-natured pinch causing her to giggle. “What do you do for a living?”

“I’m an accountant,” Johnny replied. “Just graduated from college a few months ago, but my job is nice because it’s all virtual. I can work while I travel with Theo.”

“Congratulations,” Mi smiled. “Where is the best place you two have gone? I swear I can’t keep track of Theo anymore.”

“Oh it was definitely The Alps,” Johnny said, causing Theo’s smile to widen. 

“That was a great trip. It’s where we made it official,” Theo nodded. Mi gave a little squeal of joy. 

“So cute,” she cooed. “Please tell me you took pictures while you were there.”

“Of course, I’m sure Draco would love a full slideshow after dinner,” Theo chuckled, shooting me a grin. 

“He absolutely would,” Mi said, looking up at me with a big smile. 

“Whatever makes this one happy, unfortunately,” I said, scratching her back gently. 

“If your younger self could see you now,” Theo chuckled and I couldn’t help but grin. My younger self would never believe just how lucky I had gotten. He would never have believed there was a world where everything turned out okay and I was really truly happy. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

Theo and Johnny had gone to bed nearly an hour ago, and Draco and I were resting on the couch sipping our tea. We had been idly chatting about how happy and genuine the couple had seemed, but my mind felt a million miles away. Hearing about Johnny’s family had stirred a desire I had been thinking about since we moved into the apartment. I was nervous to talk to Draco about it. I was rarely ever nervous around Draco anymore, but at the moment I felt like we were seeing each other after the war for the first time again. 

“Mi, I know something is eating at you. You might as well spit it out,” he sighed. “You’re stressing me out. I feel like you’re upset with me.”

“I’m not,” I replied quickly. “Could never be.”

“So then tell me what’s going on in that big brain of yours,” Draco said, tapping my forehead gently. 

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but Johnny’s story just kind of cemented it,” I said nervously rubbing at my forearm. Draco nodded encouragingly while also taking my hand in his own, so I could no longer touch my scar. “I don’t want you to think this is spur of the moment, or that I expect the same from you.”

“Talk to me love,” he said giving me that smile that told me he would love me no matter what came out of my mouth. 

“I want to snap my wand,” I said letting the words spill out quickly. “I don’t like living between two worlds and I hate that in the back of my mind I know I always have something that could drag me back. I know that it would mean I wouldn’t be able to glamor my scar anymore, but I’m tired of living in this constant lie.”

When I finally paused to take a breath, Draco was still smiling at me. “What are you thinking?” I asked drawing my bottom lip between my teeth and gnawing at it worriedly. 

“I think that if that is what is going to make you feel happy and safe then that is exactly what you should do. If that wand in your bedside drawer is causing you any sort of pain or fear, then I think it’s time to snap it. All I want is for you to be happy. All I want is for you to feel safe. Please don’t think I would ever judge you or try to convince you not to. I love you so much and I will always support you.”

“I love you too,” I said letting out a breath of relief. “I know my scar is going to draw questions from our friends, so I’m just trying to think of a solution that won’t have them asking you questions too.”

“Maybe it’s time we were more honest. I mean obviously not about everything, but in our own way. I know that scar would only make them believe you are just as strong and resilient as they already knew. Maybe it’s time to be honest about my scars too.”

“I would never ask you to do that,” I said looking down at his forearm covered in the flannel sleeve of his shirt. I had only seen his mark once. It was mangled and disfigured from the times he had tried to use magic and muggle means to get it off and failed right after the war. He hated letting me see it because he was always scared it would trigger me. I honestly think it triggered him much more. 

“I think you’re right. Breaking that last connection and embracing this new life we have will finally release that last worry that sits in the dark corners of our brains. We went through trauma, they can tell that much. It’s pointless to keep hiding that. Theo and my mom still know where we are and still love us, I don’t think this will do anything but bring us comfort.”

I couldn’t stop the smile from growing on my face. I moved across the couch, so I could curl up in his lap resting my head on his sturdy chest. If there was one thing I could always count on in this life, it was that Draco would always love and support me. After so many years of worrying that people would realize I wasn’t smart enough or exactly who they wanted me to be and leave, it was so comforting to know I had someone who would always stay. 

“We should wait until Theo and Johnny leaves because I don’t want this visit to be about anything but them,” I said as he wrapped his arms tightly around me. 

“Okay love,” he mumbled into my mess of curls. Moments like these made me feel more at home than any other time or place in my life. 

Chapter Text

Draco

1 week later

Hermione was a nervous wreck beside me. Even after we had explained everything in a muggle-friendly way, her hand was still shaking in my lap. Her voice hitched every time she spoke. 

“Hold on,” Grace said a deep set frown on her face. “You’re telling us that you were basically child soldiers for multiple years during high school, and were forced to take sides against each other, fight against each other, watch each other be tortured?”

“Yes,” Mi said her voice so quiet it was hard to hear as it shook. 

“Jesus Fuck,” Matt said with wide eyes. 

“Can I see the scars?” Samantha whispered. Hermione looked up at me with big terrified eyes. She had been determined to do this, but now that it was really happening I could see the fear consuming her. I knew it was because she didn’t want their perception of her to change. She didn’t want to become the Golden Girl again. Little did she know, I would do anything I could to make sure she felt safe and happy with me and her friends. There would never be pressure on her to save us or lead us. She would always be nothing but an equal. I gave Mi a small encouraging nod and squeezed her thigh gently. 

Hermione pulled her sleeve back and extended her forearm towards the group. I hated looking at her scar because the memories always came flooding back, but it had come to remind me of her strength and perseverance more. The skin was a bit red and raw because after snapping her wand she was faced with the idea of seeing her scar every day without choice, she had a bit of a freak out. I kissed her jaw gently hoping to give her a bit of my own strength. The group crowded around staring at the barely legible words. After all the times she had clawed away at the wound, I knew that word would be difficult to ever read again. Despite the pain I knew it had caused her, I couldn’t help but think it was for the best. 

“Draco has one as well,” Mi said blinking back tears. 

“It’s a bit different,” I sighed holding out my own forearm. My tattoo looked much the same as Hermione’s scar. It was barely visible through the magic and muggle knife scars. Although I would never be proud of the mark disfiguring my wrist, I didn’t hate myself for it anymore. Hermione had worked for years to convince me that I was not my past. I shouldn’t be punished for the things my parents forced me into as a child. We both had done things we would never be proud of or would do under any other circumstances other than the ones we had been forced under. 

Grace brushed her fingers lightly over both of our scars. “I knew you had both been through shit. The trauma you two constantly held in your eyes and the way you two clung to each other, just made it so obvious, but I never though it would be this bad. You are both so strong. I could never imagine going through anything like that as a child. Wow.”

Samantha chose not to say anything instead opting to wrap us both in a tight hug. 

“We’ve healed a lot since we moved here,” Mi said softly. “I think both of us still have moments where we struggle, but they’re becoming less and less frequent. This was something I never thought we would be able to do.”

“I’m so proud of you both,” Grace said with a big smile. “And you know this will never change our perception of you in any kind of negative way. We are here to support you and love you despite your past.”

“That’s the best part of being in college with people you didn’t know your whole life. You get to be whoever you want without the weight of the past influencing that,” Matt grinned. 

“We’re lucky to have friends like you,” Mi said letting out a breath she had been holding. 

“Being here and meeting you all saved both of our lives. I had been really scared about coming here and being accepted. I didn’t think it was possible until you all just brought me into your lives and loved me despite how closed off I was,” I admitted to them. 

“We love how grumpy and grouchy you can be Drake,” Samantha smiled. “And we love seeing how protective and loving you are to us and Mi.”

I could feel my heart growing and the child inside me healing as they spoke with such sincerity. 

“Draco saved me after the war, and he continues to save me every day. I’m not sure I would be here if it weren’t for his love and support. We may have had serious differences in school, but he has shown and proved that I can trust him with my heart and my soul,” Hermione smiled, letting herself curl into my side. I pulled her close, placing a kiss to the top of her head. I was so proud of how far she had come since the war. I was so lucky to have been able to grow alongside her. 

“Ugh you two are so freaking cute,” Samantha cooed. “When is the wedding?”

“You still have a few years to plan out our wedding,” Mi said looking up at me with a twinkling smile. I finally felt like I could breathe. We had told our friends and Hermione was still okay. They still loved us and she still loved me, and our scars were nothing more than a reminder of how much we had lived through and how far we had come. The only thing I cared about now was how soon Mi would let me propose to her. 

Chapter Text

Hermione

5 years later 

The lights sparkled over our heads as Draco held me close swaying us to the beat of the music. Our friends were moving beside us laughing and talking amicably. 

It was a small wedding, exactly how I wanted. Our few friends from college, and of course Theo, Johnny, and Narcissa. She had balked when she realized we were serious about our tiny wedding in the countryside, but she eventually grew to understand. Watching us now, I knew she was enjoying herself. She would be planning a much more extravagant wedding for Theo in the next year. It would be the first time I saw a lot of familiar faces, but it wasn’t something I needed to stress over now, especially knowing that Draco would be beside me the whole time. 

Theo and Johnny visited us often when they weren’t traveling together. They were planning to settle in America after the wedding, but Theo assured us that wouldn’t stop them from visiting. They were ridiculously happy together, and it made my heart warm to know he had gotten every bit of happiness he deserved. He seemed to have bounced back from everything much quicker than the both of us, and I knew it was from Jonny’s love, support, and acceptance. I was eternally grateful to him for helping someone I now considered to be a brother grow and recover and become the best version of himself. 

Samantha and Max had gotten married a year prior to us, making us realize just how desperate we were for a quiet ceremony. Both their giant families were loud, rambunctious, and anything but calming. It had been a fun wedding full of alcohol and a party-like atmosphere, but all Draco and I wanted was something small and personal. We had been surrounded by large groups of people who hardly knew or cared about us for so long, it seemed wrong to bring that into the day we chose to showcase our love and growth. 

Samantha and Max were already trying for kids, but Draco and I had decided to wait. We knew that our children would most likely be magical, meaning they would have to attend Hogwarts. If we weren’t ready to revisit that part of our lives, how could we in good conscious send our children there. Neither one of us were ready to trust the wizarding world in that way yet, despite the years of separation we had. 

Grace had been my maid of honor at the ceremony. We had grown extremely close after I had snapped my wand and told them the “truth”. Grace had somehow known we were hiding something. She had begged and begged me to tell her what else we were hiding. She had sworn up and down that nothing we ever told her would be shared with anyone else. In the end, after consulting Draco, I had caved and told her everything. It came as a shock to us both when Grace didn’t question any of it. As it turned out, her mother had been a witch and her father a muggle. She hadn’t inherited her mother’s magical abilities and as the years went on, her mother realized just how much of a blessing that had been. Grace had become a confidant and a shoulder for both of us to lean on when we struggled. In some ways she understood, and in others she was a completely unbiased party. We hadn’t realized how much we needed someone like her until we had her. 

I was proud of how far I had come. It seemed like everyday only got easier, in terms of the memories, emotions, and scars. Not every day was perfect. Some days I struggled knowing how many people were no longer a part of my life- knowing how little they had fought for me. Some days it was the barrage of memories and nightmares that dragged me down. Sometimes it was Draco who struggled with his past and my acceptance of it. We always managed to work through it together. There wasn’t a day that went by where we didn’t turn to each other for support. If we didn’t have each other, and the small group of friends before us, we would be entirely different people, and I don’t think those people would have been nearly as happy as we are today. 

Draco placed a gentle kiss to my forehead pulling me back to the present before whispering, “Hermione Granger, brightest witch of her age, most resilient person I’ve ever met, and love of my life… everyday you stay with me I just get luckier and luckier.”