Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There is only one thing—and he means one, singular thing —that is redeemable about men. Their dicks, or, well, how good they can use them. Everything else is useless and can be easily disposed of once the deed is done. But sticking to a constant dick—in all sense of the word—is convenient. Yes, it's all out of convenience. It's just a way to de-stress without having feelings attached to every touch.

At least that's how Sunoo rationalizes it.

He claws at his new friend's pale back as the latter drives into him like there's no tomorrow. There was no finesse in it, no care nor tenderness. It was just pure, mindless—and frankly, mindblowing—sex. He can't say that it's the best, but it's definitely in his top three. Okay, maybe the top two.

Sunoo closes his eyes and arches his back as he finally reaches his climax. He squeezed his eyes tightly, trying to bear the pain that was slowly building up with all the relentless thrusts. Sunghoon was biting his lips, concentrating on reaching his own relief, when Sunoo looked up at him. When they meet eyes, Sunghoon releases his bite and smiles at him smugly before leaning in.

Sunoo quickly reaches out to cover the latter's mouth. "No kissing." It's too intimate for that when he's only here for the messy parts. He's on a "no kissing" streak lately, and he's not about to break that. Not even when his new friend is too pretty to ignore.

He feels Sunghoon's lip curve up against his palm. Sunghoon reaches up to hold his wrist lightly, pulling it away so he can place a kiss on his palm. "That's bullshit," he whispers, his voice shaky as he nears his release. Sunghoon leans in again, but he doesn't kiss Sunoo on the lips. Instead, he moves to his cheek and then down to his neck, only to bite down on the soft skin. Sunoo moans, both out of pleasure and annoyance, because he knows it will be a bitch to cover up in the morning.

And then Sunghoon stills and groans against Sunoo's neck. "Fuck," he whispers under his breath. When he's done, he immediately pulls out and discards the used condom into a nearby trash can. Then he plops down on the bed, a cigarette automatically lit up in his lips. Sunoo watches the puff of smoke float into the air and then dissipate.

It reminds him why Sunghoon will never be the top one. Sunoo despises smokers.

Sunoo coughs and turns away. "I wish you wouldn't do that while I'm still here."

"It's my apartment," Sunghoon quips. He teases Sunoo by taking another hit and then exhaling the smoke slowly out of his lips.

Lips that covered Sunoo's body just moments ago. Lips that whispered dirty things in his ears.

Sunoo coughs again and sits up once he regains his sense of self again. He winces when he sees his own cum cooling in his stomach. He can't wait to take a shower in his own room. He's never comfortable taking showers at other people's places. It's like leaving an unnecessary trace of him behind. "Do you have a towel or wet wipes?"

Again, this kind of arrangement has no finesse, and it's emphasized by the way Sunghoon shrugs and throws his own shirt at Sunoo. "I'm too lazy to get up. Just use this."

Sunoo raises an eyebrow. But Sunghoon just rolls his eyes and urges him to just use it. "It may not look like it, but I actually do my laundry."

"Whatever." Sunoo wipes his cum off of his body and tosses the shirt back on the ground. He checks the time on Sunghoon's digital clock. It was only 10 PM, which meant he had enough time to read over their materials for tomorrow. Maybe he can make a quick stop by the cafe too. He gets off the bed and searches for his clothes scattered around Sunghoon's room. He quickly finds them despite the dim light and dresses up again in an instant. He doesn't speak to Sunghoon while he puts his clothes back on, and he's glad that Sunghoon doesn't try to initiate conversation either. He's not a fan of small talk after doing the deed. He's also not a fan of pillow talk or staying the night, and he's glad that Sunghoon doesn't really ask him to, even on their third meeting. So, he grabs his satchel and phone stashed away on Sunghoon's desk and locates his shoes next.

"Hey," Sunghoon suddenly calls out just as Sunoo's eyes focus on the doorway where his shoes are scattered. He quickly gets them and returns to take a seat on Sunghoon's office chair to put them on.

"What?" Sunoo asks without looking at Sunghoon. He scrunches his nose when he smells the cigarette smoke filling the room.

He hears Sunghoon exhale before speaking again. "You're really not going to tell me your major?"

Sunoo scoffs. It's the third time Sunghoon has asked him. The first time was outside the restaurant where they met. It was already two weeks ago since the freshman orientation, and two weeks ago since Sunoo let himself be mesmerized by the guy with the letterman jacket.

The second time was a week ago, when Sunoo deliberately contacted Sunghoon to relieve some stress after going through a torturous week of fulfilling countless papers and piles of case studies. His professors were relentless, and so was Sunghoon with how much he made Sunoo feel good that night.

Sunoo never told him his major twice already, just because he wanted to keep the "no strings attached" part of this whole ordeal intact.

"Why are you so adamant to know?" Sunoo asks as he ties his shoelaces quickly. "You gonna stalk me?"

"I'm not a creep," Sunghoon tells him with a slightly offended tone. "Just curious. It's not like we'd run at each other in the university or something. And I have no intention of interacting with you outside of this, just so we're clear."

Sunoo straightens up and pats his pockets to check if his wallet is still there. It is. He wonders if he has enough money for a latte later.

"It's better that you don't know," he says nonchalantly. "Well, thanks. I'll show myself out."

Sunghoon lazily smiles from the bed and waves an even lazier hand at him while taking a hit from his cigarette. "Bye, sweetheart. You know where to reach me."

Sunoo was never fond of unsolicited and unreciprocated endearments, especially from men who didn't see him beyond his body. Then again, Sunghoon is convenient, and he doesn't want to burden himself with searching for another stress reliever when he can barely keep his shit together. So, he lets this one pass once more with a roll of his eyes.

He doesn't say goodbye when he shuts the door to the apartment, and instead leaves all the memories of the night in that building, certain to return to them the next week like clockwork.

"So, let me get this straight," Jungwon says with furrowed brows as he places his iced Americano down on the table. "You met this random guy in a restaurant while you’re tipsy and decided to sleep with him for three consecutive weeks?" he asks—more like echoes—in disbelief.

Sunoo isn’t really the kiss-and-tell sort of person. He thinks that he’s not entitled to disclose whatever’s happening in his personal life, much less the sexual aspects of it. But he’s also, unfortunately, best friends with Yang Jungwon, who always prods information out of him like an expert. He figures it’s not so bad to confide his sexcapades with Jungwon since they’ve known each other since forever, and Jungwon has never divulged his secrets to anyone else. It’s not like they have any other friends, anyway. And it’s not like Jungwon’s going to share it with his fiance .

Besides, Sunoo doesn’t give too many personal details about his fuckbuddies. Jungwon isn’t interested in them at all; he’s all in it for the weird sexual experiments that Sunoo subjects himself to because he doesn’t have any experience himself. And it’s Sunoo’s way of ranting about his frustrations to Jungwon when a particular dick doesn’t suit his liking.

"You’ve only been here for a month. How do you have another guy up your ass already? Are you even sure he goes here?" Jungwon asks.

"Yeah, I’m sure," Sunoo nonchalantly replies. Sunghoon was wearing a university jacket when they met, and the fact that he lives in his own fancy apartment gives away the fact that he’s one of the snobby rich assholes who could afford to go to this university. Sunoo can’t fault him for that too much, though, because he’s enrolled here too.

Jungwon gives him a look that is half impressed and half judging, but Sunoo doesn’t call him out on that because he’s done a lot of shit that warrants some form of judgment from his inexperienced best friend.

"Well, what’s wrong with this one?" Jungwon asks it like he’s expecting some red flag to wave in front of his face.

To be fair, Sunoo’s track record when it comes to his sexual partners isn’t so great. He once slept with a guy who collected Beanie Babies as a hobby. Imagine getting your back blown out in front of bug-eyed stuffed animals! Needless to say, it was a traumatizing experience.

There was this one girl—yes, girl —who he fucked around with for a couple of weeks before she cried in the middle of riding him because his dick apparently gave her an epiphany that she was a lesbian, after all. Sunoo still doesn’t know whether he feels proud or insulted by that incident, but he also swore not to sleep with the opposite sex ever again.

His list could go on forever of reasons why having another senseless fuckbuddy is not a good idea. Then again, his brain was a bank full of bad ideas, and all he could do was withdraw.

"He’s annoying sometimes," Sunoo replies, while shoving a forkful of pretentiously expensive salad into his mouth from the local cafe. "He calls me sweetheart ."

"Isn’t that supposed to be nice?"

"Not for me," he adds. "He always tries to kiss me, and you already know I don’t like doing that with my bed warmers." Jungwon nods and sighs. "Then he smokes in bed! I hate it. I’ve never been fond of the smell of cigarettes. I’m surprised at how he could’ve fooled me. I wouldn’t have gone to his apartment on that first night."

"But you still did," Jungwon points out as a matter-of-fact. "And you keep returning for some reason, even though you dropped the last guy who did that to you. What’s so special about this one?"

There wasn’t really anything special about Sunghoon. He’s good at sex, but a lot of other people are too. In retrospect, Sunoo thinks Sunghoon’s a bit of a vanilla too. There was nothing too intense about their weekly rendezvous—it’s just the two of them tumbling in Sunghoon’s bed for about an hour—no flairs or anything. But if Sunoo’s going to admit anything, it’s probably the fact that he just doesn’t care anymore. Sunghoon gets him satisfied, and he thinks that’s enough.

"I just wish he wouldn’t ask me so much about myself. He kept bugging me about my major."

"Did you tell him?"

Sunoo huffs in amusement. It’s like Jungwon doesn’t even know him. "No, of course not. I know this campus is big enough for me not to run into him by accident, but I’m not going to take any chances. What if he stalks me?" That’s also one of the reasons why he’s not really on any social media. The fewer people know about his personal affairs, the better.

"Hmm… I can’t say anything much about what you do with your life because you’re not going to listen to me, anyway. I just wish you luck on your new boy toy," Jungwon says.

"Speaking of boy toys? How are you and your fiance? " Sunoo exaggeratedly pronounces. In this day and age, arranged marriages between families for business purposes are only commonly seen in cheesy dramas. But apparently, if you’re an heir to a chain of healthcare businesses—like Yang Jungwon—your parents will most likely enter into an agreement with another equally rich family to strengthen business relations.

Jungwon wasn’t always on board with the idea. He argued day and night with his parents regarding the agreement and threatened to run away. His parents were unperturbed and dragged him to the family dinner, which instantly changed Jungwon’s mind.

Jungwon—the closeted whore that he is—eventually agreed to the arrangement because his fiance turned out to be hot (his words, not Sunoo’s, because Sunoo still has no idea what the guy looks like).

Jungwon blushes at the mention of his fiance, and even Sunoo can’t help but smile amusedly. "We’re fine. We’re going to have dinner on Friday."

"Sounds nice. Now, when will you introduce your man to me?"

Jungwon rolls his eyes. "He’s not my man yet. And besides, I don’t think Jay-hyung sees this relationship as anything beyond an arranged marriage orchestrated by our parents." Sunoo notices his friend’s fingers twitch as he plays with his straw. Jungwon says he’s alright with it, but he knows his crush on his fiance is going to be dangerous in the future.

"Is your family invited to that hospital charity gala at the end of the month?" Of course, they are. His mother wouldn’t miss an opportunity to show off how pretty she is with a fancy dress on.

"Jay-hyung’s family is attending as well, so I’ll introduce you, then."

Their lunch break ends, and they both walk back to their respective buildings. Sunoo gets to the lecture hall and sits at his usual spot while waiting for the class to start.

It wasn’t long until the room bustled with chattering students and the sound of modules being flipped over for last-minute reading. And then their professor entered to quiet the crowd down, but that was not what silenced Sunoo and made him wish the ground would swallow him whole.

It was his new boy toy, tailing their professor with a satchel on his shoulder.

"Alright, everyone, I would like to introduce you to my new TA, Park Sunghoon. He’s a junior from the biology department, and he will be helping me out throughout this semester. I expect all of you to respect him not only as a fellow student, but also as an educator."

Sunoo bows his head down and tries to cover his face. How the hell is Park Sunghoon his new TA for Biology? Why can’t he be a business major and teach students on the other side of campus? Sunoo’s luck is ridiculous; it’s almost non-existent.

Sunghoon will figure out he’s in this class after some time.

He opens the gap between his fingers and takes a peek to make sure that it’s indeed the same Park Sunghoon who railed him just two nights ago. Sunghoon looks straight back at him, a sort of triumphant smirk lingering in his lips.

Well, Sunghoon has figured it out now. All the secrecy regarding his major is thrown out the window.

Sunoo inhales deeply and tries to take control of the situation. They already slept three times. He can’t do anything about that anymore. It’s not a violation of the university policies since he had met Sunghoon before he was announced to be his TA. Sunoo doesn’t want any scandal about him to break out, so he needs to contain what he and Sunghoon know about their affair. They need to end their arrangement before anyone else finds out and both of them get punished for it.

He needs to talk to Sunghoon after this. But not here on campus, not with everyone’s eyes and ears out.

Sunoo to Sunghoon [FORGET] (1)

Sunoo to Sunghoon [FORGET] (2)

True to his word, Sunoo ended his thing with Sunghoon. He didn’t text him even when he was stressed. He didn’t show up at his apartment. And during class, he makes himself as small as possible so as not to attract Sunghoon’s attention. But his recent fallout with Sunghoon also gave him two problems.

First, he’s constantly on guard whenever he’s on campus. He knows Sunghoon won’t try anything weird, but Sunoo is still not comfortable facing him in a different context other than their weekly meetups in Sunghoon’s apartment. Even when Sunghoon is in TA mode during class, Sunoo’s mind still goes to inappropriate places that distract him from the lecture. His only safe space now is his dorm room. Even during lunch with Jungwon, he can’t help but look over his shoulder every five minutes to make sure Sunghoon isn’t there.

Second, his stress levels are gradually increasing and he has no other way to relieve them but with his hand. Back when he was still in contact with Sunghoon, he could just text him whenever he felt like it, and he’d just have to wait for a go signal to go to the latter’s apartment. He supposes he could install Grindr again, but it’s too much effort to make small talk and make sure that the person on the other line isn’t a serial murderer. This is why he needs something easy and convenient.

But for the past week, he had no choice but to take care of himself on his own. Touching himself used to be so much fun, but now it just feels a bit boring. There were no hands to leave bruises on his hips or slap his ass. There’s no other voice that harmonizes with his moans. He even misses the smell and taste of sweat in his mouth. But he needs to make time for new arrangements. He can’t survive the whole semester with just his hand alone.

Unfortunately, he’s yet to find the opportunity to socialize with other people again, considering the fact that he’s drowning in piles of homework and he needs to prepare for the charity gala that he’s going to attend with his parents.

Another thing that adds to his stress is his mother. Hwang Yongsun is a certified socialite-slash-trophy wife, and she plays her part well, so appearances really are a big deal to her. That, of course, extends to the rest of her family.

That’s the main reason why Sunoo is spending his precious weekend trying on different suits and accessories at the tailors. They’ve been at it for almost two hours now, and his mother isn’t showing any signs of mercy towards him. He’d much rather catch up on his readings (or sleep) than stand in front of a mirror trying to figure out which bow tie looks better on him.

He thinks they all look good on him.

Then again, this is much better than letting himself get lost in his own thoughts because he will surely wander to dangerous areas again, some of which involve his TA, whom he’d much rather forget about getting involved with.

"Yes, perfect! I think this is the one!" Sunoo’s mother exclaims after he emerges behind the curtains. He’s wearing a black suit with a white shirt underneath. The suit had gold accents along the lapels, the ends of each sleeve, and the breast pocket. A small black rose with golden tips is pinned on the lapel, and a black bow tie with gold accents, as well, quite literally ties everything together. At least it wasn’t tacky, Sunoo thinks.

"I’d get a similar one for your father. And I already have a dress in mind. We’ll be perfect!"

The tailor walks in at his mother’s request and starts making adjustments to the suit to fit him better. He holds his breath every time a pin gets near his skin, but luckily, he wasn’t pricked once.

Speaking of his father, "Where’s dad? Can’t make time for a fitting?"

His mother rolls her eyes when she hears his tone. His relationship with his father isn’t in its best state as of the moment. Ever since he expressed his disinterest in succeeding in the family business, it also didn’t help when his dad found out that he broke up with his first boyfriend—a family friend that his father was eyeing for a business deal.

And like the stereotypical men that they are, they’d rather not show emotions and lower their pride for the sake of the other. Needless to say, family dinners have been awkward for a few years now.

"You should watch yourself, you know," his mother says non-threateningly while sipping from her champagne flute. "The charity gala isn’t just a gala. We’re literally going to mingle with some of the richest and most powerful families in the industry, and you know what that means."

Sunoo crinkles his eyebrows just as the tailor goes down to put pins around his tiny waist. "What do you mean?"

His mother’s red-stained lips quirk into an arrogant smirk. "Lots of single bachelors your age, maybe some a few years older or younger, but still eligible."

Sunoo raises a brow. "What? You think dad’s going to pull a Yang?"

"Most likely."

Sunoo huffs and then laughs without mirth. "Dad’s out of his mind if he thinks I would ever agree to an arranged marriage. Plus, I’m sure he won’t do it if you’re not onboard." Sunoo expected his mom to smile and agree with him. But instead, she sits back on the chaise lounge and sips her champagne silently. Sunoo’s face falls. "You’re not seriously going to argue with him, are you?"

Sunoo’s mom rolls her eyes. "Of course, not, sweetie. But…" Sunoo hates the sound of her "but". "It turned out well for Jungwon, didn’t it? He’s now head-over-heels for the Park heir. Maybe that can happen to you too?"

"Mom!" Sunoo wants to stride forward and shake some sense into his mother, but the tailor is now down to his slacks, and his pins are dangerously close to his crown jewels. "That’s really dumb. Please don’t be swayed by your husband. I will be nothing but miserable if you push through with that stupid plan."

His mom raises her hands in resignation. "Fine! Fine! I’ll do my best to stop your father. But, sweetie, seriously. It’s been a while since you last dated anyone." Right, because his plethora of bedwarmers are not really considered boyfriends or girlfriends, and his mother doesn’t know about them. "You’re already of age, and your dad just really wants you to end up with someone nice."

"Mom, you and I both know that’s a lie," Sunoo replies. "Dad just wants a merger."

His mom grimaces. "I mean, yeah, sort of. But he also wants you to end up with someone he can trust. You’re our only son, Sunoo. If you don’t want to take over the business, at least you could show your father that you’ll be able to live a comfortable life in the future.""

I hate how you think I need someone else to buy shit for me so I can survive."

"That’s not—"

"I don’t want to talk about this anymore," Sunoo says. "And if we’re done here, can we go home? I still have a lot of readings that I want to get through before Monday."

In the end, his mother gives up with a sigh and nods to his request. They quickly finish up at the tailors and drive home. While in the car, she holds his hand and kisses his cheek to apologize. He can’t stay mad at his mom, so he also assures her that he’ll play nice at the gala and not embarrass her in front of her friends. Not that he’s ever done that before.

Porn.

Sunoo used to have a certain proclivity for pornography ever since he stumbled upon it by accident after watching a movie at an illegal site. The ad said that a certain "James" is near his area and wants to befriend him. Well, James just so happens to have redirected him to a tacky porn site, which was also accountable for the many viruses and malware that completely fried his laptop when he was fourteen.

Since then, he’s become more cautious about which links to click. He also stopped using illegal streaming websites and stuck to Netflix. And if he really wanted to rub one out to a video of an amateur Asian twink, who just so happens to resemble him, getting railed, he'd rather watch it at the Hub.

However, he realized that as he grew older and actually experienced the real thing, porn became more and more distasteful. Even the videos under the ‘amateur’ category—which pride themselves on being realistic—can be too fake or too rehearsed, not at all making him turned on. And so, when he discovered the wonders of having fuckbuddies, one-night stands, and mindless quickies, he’s sworn off porn since then. And at times when a bedwarmer is not available, he just closes his eyes and tries to get the work done quickly and simply.

It’s definitely a lot more boring, but it lessens his stress somehow.

The same goes for now. He’s just finished his well-deserved self-care after finishing a particularly tough physics exam (physics has never been his forte). Now in the comfort of his own dorm room, Sunoo lies breathless on his bed, sweat dripping from his forehead down to his flushed neck. The region between his legs is sticky with his own release and the strawberry lube that he’s so fond of using. And Mr. Yook—the 6-inch pink dildo that he has smuggled into the university—is discarded beside his right leg, equally dripping with lube.

It’s not the same. Silicone will never compare to the real thing, but that’s all he has right now. Even though he’s sure that there are parties every weekend on the other side of the campus where the art kids are situated, he’s neck-deep in exams and readings to even have a sliver of exciting social life. It doesn’t help that his most recently dropped bedwarmer turned out to be his biology TA, who sends him knowing glances and smug smirks during class.

Sunoo thinks he’s really starting to hate Park Sunghoon and his arrogant aura whenever he struts into class with confidence, knowing that Sunoo’s classmates are drooling over him. He hates Park Sunghoon and his perfect skin, perfect hair, and perfect face. He hates Park Sunghoon and his innate talent in bed and pulling a mind-numbing orgasm out of Sunoo. But most of all, he hates Park Sunghoon for being smart enough to be a TA.

Now Sunoo has to resort to pathetic means to get himself off because he has solid principles. Damn him.

Despite all the knowing glances in class, however, Sunoo is glad that Sunghoon stopped texting him after that one time after learning he was going to be Sunoo’s TA. Sunoo told him to drop his number, and he cheekily answered with, "I’ll think about it," whatever that means. But not once did he contact Sunoo after that. Even when they were still involved with each other, Sunghoon never contacted him first. It was always Sunoo who sent a text in the middle of the night, and Sunghoon would just reply with a "Sure, I’ll be waiting" complete with a wink emoji.

At least Sunoo doesn’t have to worry about a potential obsessive stalker like that one one-night stand he had.

He just can’t decide if his current situation with Sunghoon is better or worse.

Wednesday rolled in, which means that their first laboratory activity will start. They’re all in their proper protective uniforms, complete with goggles, masks, and surgical gloves. They’re going to dissect frogs and study their muscles. And they’d have to do it in groups of two.

Sunoo was partnered with a pretty girl named Se-eun, whom he also occasionally smiles at whenever they pass by each other at the in-campus cafe. It’s the first time they’re interacting more directly, and so far, she’s been really nice and helpful. She diligently takes notes while Sunghoon is discussing how they will go about the dissection.

On the other hand, Sunoo does his best not to get distracted by the fact that Sunghoon looks like a sexy surgeon who could pass as a character in Grey’s Anatomy. Instead, he diverts his attention to the poor frog that’s been pinned to the dissecting pan. Sunoo is not too queasy about watching surgery videos on YouTube, but it’s a different case for animals.

After about 20 minutes, the students started dissecting. Sunoo follows the instructions about giving the frog "gloves" and "boots". He makes an incision around its legs and does his best to peel off its skin without breaking it. He gently cuts through the nerves and fat, and makes sure not to push on the scalpel too hard so the muscles underneath will be intact.

But here’s the thing: Sunoo’s hands can be quite shaky at times. He thinks he’s dextrous enough to be a surgeon, but it’s been quite a while since he last dissected a frog. The last time was during his biology class in high school, and that was years ago.

"You okay? Do you want me to take over?" Se-eun asks with genuine concern. "Maybe you’re growing tired. I can help you out."

"What seems to be the problem?" Sunghoon interrupts as he makes his way to their table. His voice is muffled by the two layers of masks he has on to protect himself from the stench of the formalin permeating inside the lab.

Sunoo momentarily thinks of ignoring him by focusing on the frog again, but Sunghoon gets even closer to the table and is now shoulder to shoulder with Sunoo. Sunoo’s hands (and knees) shake a little bit more at the contact. He thinks nothing of it. Maybe it’s just nerves from trying his best to do a good job at their first lab activity and not the fact that he’s been touch-deprived for about two weeks now.

Despite the strong scent of the formalin, he could still smell the familiar scent of Sunghoon’s fresh cologne and the cigarette smoke hidden underneath it.

Sunoo swallows. "Everything’s alright. Just a little shaky."

Sunghoon waves his hands off the table and examines the work they’ve done on the frog so far. "You have minor cuts along the deltoids, but that’s understandable. It’s difficult to get the scalper in there. Please continue."

Sunoo swallows again and wills himself not to get hard at the fact that Sunghoon knows basic frog anatomy. He thinks his standards are becoming lower and lower the less he’s getting dicked down, and that can be a problem in the long run.

He expected Sunghoon to leave them alone after that and continue with his rounds around the room to inspect the other students’ work. But he stays for a moment and observes Sunoo as he carefully peels the leathery skin off of the area between the deltoid and the pectoralis.

"Ah, I see the problem," Sunghoon comments. Then he looks up at Se-eun. "Do you see it too?"

Se-eun snaps herself off of her trance and coughs. "Uhh… Uhh… He’s not making use of the forceps?"

"Yup." Sunghoon’s lips pop at the ‘p’, and then he pushes himself off of the table and moves behind Sunoo. Before Sunoo could even react, Sunghoon (his TA, may he remind himself) braces his arms around him and slides his own gloved hands to Sunoo’s to correct their position.

Sunoo starts to sweat. It’s bad enough that the lab is quite warm with how many people are inside, plus their own protective uniform on. But the temperature rises even more when he feels Sunghoon’s chest pressed against his back. It’s also important to note that Sunghoon’s crotch is just there, teasing him. And he knows that Sunghoon is probably doing this on purpose to rile him up and make him snap. But he will never succumb to that.

Sunghoon turns Sunoo’s left hand over and shows him how to utilize the forceps properly in tandem with the scalpel. "This is an important tool that can help you," he quite literally whispers into Sunoo’s ear while punctuating his point with a harder press of his front to Sunoo’s backside.

“Hold the scalpel like this, angled, so you won’t affect the muscle underneath." They successfully expose the deltoids and one half of the pectoralis perfectly. Sunghoon, thankfully, takes his hands off of him, but he doesn’t step back. Instead, he whispers, "If you need help, you can always call me." Then he steps back and regards Se-eun with a louder tone. "Or your partner. Remember that you need to alternate from time to time."

But the message was loud and clear. Sunghoon had definitely thought about losing Sunoo’s number, but he just decided not to. And he’s waiting, like always, for Sunoo to send the first text. He’s waiting, like always, in his apartment with a smug smirk on his face and a lit cigarette in his mouth, confident that he can make Sunoo come undone in just a matter of minutes.

Sunoo to Sunghoon [BIOLOGY]

Charity galas are just rich people role-playing as good people. Such events are a good opportunity to flaunt everyone’s wealth and expand their business networks. From the donations made for the auction down to who has the highest bid, it’s all just a ruse. If they really wanted to help people or those who are in desperate need of survival, they wouldn’t show up with sparkly dresses that are worth millions or suits that could end world hunger. If their intentions were really pure, the women wouldn't bother getting dolled up with expensive makeup, and the men would forgo drinking imported alcohol.

Yet Sunoo is no better than any single one of them.

His black and gold suit completed the perfect ensemble that his mother had created. She was indeed wearing a dress that looked like liquid gold dripping down her petite frame. And his father, though swamped with work for the past few years, still managed to look divine in his crisp suit. Even the bags under his eyes and the wrinkles along the corners of his lips were concealed by his getup.

A few eyes followed Sunoo as he entered the ballroom of the mansion, where the majority of the guests convened. He wasn't a stranger to the attention, and he rather expected it since his mother made him wear only the finest suit. His hair was pushed back on one side, exposing his sharp eyebrows, which made him look even more intimidating. He didn’t pass on the makeup either, especially when he knows how to make his best features stand out.

Sunoo lets his gaze linger on the younger men who catch his eyes, grimacing at the older ones who could pass for his grandpa. He gives women sweeter smiles. And before he could formally introduce himself to the first family they encountered, it was safe to say that a significant number of guests were going to chat up his father soon.

That is his role in this play—he is the filial son of the Kims who also just so happens to be an eligible bachelor. He’s not looking to date any of these snobby guests, but they are more than welcome to try to get his validation if it means entering into a business deal with his father. His father was never ashamed of that fact, too."

Ah, Dr. Kim!" A man with tanned skin and an angled jaw shakes his father’s hand. He looks equally expensive and sort of familiar.

"Director Sim, pleasure to see you here," his father replies with a practiced tone and a perfected plastic smile. Sunoo wonders if he spent hours in front of a mirror to see the most optimal look that could secure the highest business deals. "Are you bidding tonight?"

"Perhaps," Director Sim chuckles. "Anything for the orphans, right?"

Bullshit. No one actually cares about the orphans. If they did, they would have mentioned it in the invitation.

His father mirrors the man’s robotic laugh and then gestures to his mother, who was patiently waiting behind him. She is graceful in every way, perfectly playing her own role as a trophy wife.

"This is my wife. And my son, Kim Sunoo," his father introduces.

Sunoo finds it eerie for some reason when Director Sim kisses his mother’s hand and gives her a warm smile. Maybe he meant to be genuine with it, but the botox made him look straight out of a horror movie. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. And, of course, the heir!"

Sunoo cringes. He doesn’t like that title because he’s being reminded that he has no other choice but to follow in his father’s footsteps. Tonight, however, he needs to continue pretending that it doesn’t bother him at all. So, Sunoo smiles and bows to Director Sim before shaking his hand. Director Sim’s grip was firm, and there was a twinkle in his eyes that somehow made Sunoo nervous.

When he turns to his mother, he figures out why.

"Ah, Sunoo, have you met my son Jaeyoon?"

There it is. His mother warned him about his father pulling a Yang. Maybe he should’ve taken it more seriously so he wouldn’t be in this awkward predicament.

As if on cue, a young man who’s about his age emerges from behind Director Sim. This one’s familiar. Well, because Sunoo has slept with him before. Just once. He tagged along with his mother to a party overseas. It perfectly aligned with his graduation, so he thought it’d be a good opportunity-slash-excuse to travel.

Jaeyoon—who went by Jake at that hotel bar in Australia—immediately charmed him with his accent and puppy eyes. Jake was no puppy in bed, but Sunoo also didn’t want to keep a pet, so they both agreed to keep it as a one-time summer fling.

And now he’s here. Two years later, and nothing much has changed with Jaeyoon. He’s still pretty. And he’s still not someone Sunoo wants to keep.

They exchange bows out of common courtesy before shaking each other’s hands. "Nice to meet you," Jaeyoon says, feigning ignorance.

Sunoo thinks that two can play that game, so he replies, "Pleasure to make your acquaintance." He thinks he’s playing his part well enough to fool his parents into thinking this is the first time he’s ever met the guy. Nothing in his face gives away the fact that he thoroughly enjoyed being eaten out by this guy in an overly expensive hotel room in Perth.

"Jaeyoon here has just been promoted to Senior Architect in our firm. I guess I could make him COO, but he insisted on climbing up the ranks on his own," Director Sim brags. Sunoo won’t be fooled by that when this whole mansion reeks of nepotism.

"Ah, that’s very commendable," his father answers with a rehearsed tone of amusement. "Our Sunoo is only in his first year of university, but he’s on his way to being a doctor soon. He’s got that special seven-year program.""

You got a brainy one there, I guess!" Director Sim reacts before falling into a polite exchange of laughter with Sunoo’s parents.

It wasn’t long before his father made an excuse to get Sunoo alone with Jaeyoon in the guise of getting acquainted more. Sunoo suppresses his rolling eyes and instead follows Jaeyoon to the public exhibit on one wing of the mansion. It’s supposed to give the bidders an idea of what they can expect later on at the auction. A whole room in the mansion was made to showcase a curated collection of paintings owned by the host.

No one gives a shit about those paintings, seeing that the only people inside the makeshift museum are Sunoo, Jaeyoon, a woman with the highest dress slit Sunoo has ever seen, and her male companion, who’s copping a feel on her behind.

Jaeyoon snatched a couple of champagne flutes on their way to the room and clinked glasses with Sunoo when they stopped in front of an enormous painting of a naked woman. It wasn’t provocative since it doesn’t depict realistic features of a woman, and Sunoo thinks it has a deeper meaning to it. That’s why the owner procured it from somewhere. Unless, of course, this is yet another disgusting display of wealth.

"It’s really nice to see you again, Sunoo, despite all the clothes," Jaeyoon jokes. Even the humor is not lost on him.

Sunoo replies. "I can say the same. About there being too many clothes on you, I mean."

Jaeyoon laughs and nods his head before speaking. "Don’t worry. I won’t let my father pull a Yang."

"You know about the Yang-Park deal?"

"Of course! Everyone does," Jaeyoon says, as if it were common knowledge. But to be fair, if someone is rich enough and in the right circles, they would probably know about the arranged marriage situation between Sunoo’s best friend and his fiance. "Arranged marriages in this day and age are distasteful," Jaeyoon adds before finishing his champagne in one big gulp.

In the corner of Sunoo’s eye, he sees the other couple in the room leave.

"And well, you’re not my type," Jaeyoon says playfully as he turns to Sunoo.

Sunoo snorts. "That wasn’t what you said back in Perth. If anything, you couldn’t get your hands and mouth off of me."

Jaeyoon quirks a brow. "One-night stands are different. You are beautiful, Sunoo, and your ass could be a national treasure, but I’d rather not spend my life knowing that I’d be marrying someone because of a business deal." At least they share the same sentiments in that part. Besides, Sunoo’s still young. He hasn’t had the best of what this life can give.

"That, and because I’m fucking my assistant, so…"

"Of course, you are," Sunoo smiles behind his champagne glass. "You better be good at your job, hyung, and be powerful enough to snatch it away from your parents if you want to bag someone with a different status than yours."

"Don’t worry, I’ve got it all planned out," he says. "After I make a significant amount of my own hard-earned money, we’ll run away and get married on some remote island where my parents won’t ever see me again."

That is definitely a love-deprived rich kid’s wet dream—to run away from this life dictated by numbers and wealth. No one really cares about them as long as they continue what their ancestors have started and make bank every minute. Love is just a business deal; sex is just a strategy. There’s nothing more to it if they want to seem relevant.

Sunoo doesn’t have the same fantasy. Even though he hates being groomed to be his father’s clone, he also doesn’t think he can let go of this lavish lifestyle. He hates rich people, but he also loves Gucci. Love won’t be a problem either. Sunoo has long understood that it’s nothing but a setback. And if he wanted to own his father’s empire in less than twenty years, he’d have no time to put ‘love’ into his schedule.

"I wish you the best of luck in that," Sunoo says before downing what’s left of his own champagne.

Jaeyoon surprisingly shares some trivia about the paintings displayed in the room. Apparently, the naked woman was a work by Picasso (which solidified Sunoo’s judgment that this whole room is, indeed, just used to flaunt the owner’s wealth). The younger Sim apparently had an affinity for the fine arts, especially during his time at university. After all, architecture and fine arts are kind of related.

When they finish going around the exhibit, Jaeyoon excuses himself and says that he needs to take an important call. "I’ll catch you later," he says before speaking into the small device in his hand. A smirk tugs at the corner of his lips, and Sunoo thinks that he’s probably talking to his assistant.

Sunoo finds his way back to the ballroom, where new faces have arrived. He immediately spots Jungwon in the crowd, wearing his dark blue suit that shifts in the light every time he moves. Jungwon sees him and waves his hand.

"Hey, you just arrived?" Sunoo asks.

Jungwon shakes his head and quirks his head to the side. "No. I’ve been here for an hour. I just went here to fetch Jay-hyung." Jungwon’s cheeks unmistakably turn red at the mention of his fiance. Sunoo thinks he’s fallen too deep into it when Park Jay is still probably seeing all of this as a business deal. Well, maybe he’s not the worst if Jungwon found something worth falling in love with.

"Speak of the devil…" Jungwon waves to someone behind Sunoo. His bright smile could rival the sun. Jungwon’s eyes turn into crescents, and he is genuinely excited to see his fiance, despite being roped in by their parents’ shenanigans.

"Jungwon," he hears a low voice behind him. Sunoo turns and sees Park Jay for the first time. He is definitely good-looking. Tan skin, a small face with angled features, and a tall build that gives off an intimidating and aristocratic aura—Sunoo understands now why Jungwon is weak in the knees.

Jay hugs Jungwon for a moment and gives him a curt smile. His eyes don’t sparkle the way Jungwon’s do, but he knows that there’s respect behind his gaze. He may not be in love with Jungwon, but Sunoo knows that Jay won’t make his life a living hell at least.

"Where are your parents?"

"They’re out there… somewhere," Jungwon says distractedly, eyes still fixed on Jay.

Sunoo not-so-discreetly clears his throat to get their attention. Jungwon notices and turns Jay around. "Oh, hyung, this is Kim Sunoo. Heir to the Kim Incorporation." Sunoo gives Jungwon a disbelieved smile when he emphasizes the word "heir". Jungwon knows his animosity toward the term. "Most importantly, he’s my best friend."

"Pleasure to finally meet you, Jay. Jungwon has been telling me so much about you." Jungwon sends a sharp glare in Sunoo’s direction, but Sunoo plays dumb and instead shakes Jay’s hand. "All good things, though. Don’t worry."

Jay exaggeratedly sighs and says, "Wooh. That’s good to know." He’s not as fake as Sunoo expected. Not quite real, either, but the fact that he and his parents agreed to this arranged marriage isn’t selling to Sunoo. Maybe he should push his own judgment aside since he hasn’t given Sunoo any reason to hate him a hundred percent. As long as he takes care of Jungwon, Sunoo doesn’t think he should be too nosy about their business."

Well, it’s nice to meet you, Sunoo. Do you mind if I steal Jungwon for a little while? My parents want to see him," Jay says apologetically.

"He’s all yours." Well, just for the night, at least.

With his best friend whisked away by his fiance, Sunoo had nothing better to do than visit the open bar and get himself a Manhattan with two cherries. It’s the first cocktail he’s ever had since he turned legal, courtesy of his own mother. Also, when someone is from a wealthy upbringing, drinking alcohol is kind of like a formal etiquette taught to the younger members of the family, considering the fact that they’ll be attending a lot of events like this one for the rest of their lives. Sunoo doesn’t complain. Alcohol is alcohol.

One of the cherries is gone after Sunoo decided to move out of the mansion where the party is actually situated. The backyard seemed to stretch for miles, with perfectly manicured topiaries adorning each corner. Fairy lights are strewn on the trees and shrubs, which creates a beautiful mood for the night. The cocktail tables are concentrated in the middle of the backyard, where a stage has been set up for the auction later. Some of the guests are already holding their respective numbers for the bid, including his parents, who are still busy chatting up various people.

His mother spots him and gestures for him to come close. Sunoo thinks it’s going to be a long night, but there’s no use resisting his parents when he’s already stuck here in the first place. So he takes a ginger sip from his Manhattan, letting the whisky burn its way down his throat, and walks toward his parents’ cocktail table.

"Where have you been, honey?" his mother asks with a sickly sweet voice that she only uses to trick people into thinking she’s more than just a trophy wife—she isn’t.

"Just greeted Jungwon earlier, and got myself a drink."

"Manhattan?" his mother’s eyes sparkle in delight when she realizes its significance. He nods and raises his glass to clink with his mother’s cosmopolitan.

He hears his father call for someone while Sunoo is downing the rest of his cocktail. He shifts his eyes to whoever it was, expecting it’d be another spiritless businessman, but no. His father was waving his hand to get the attention of a middle-aged woman with a beautiful face and graying hair. But she wasn’t the reason why Sunoo almost spat Manhattan all over his thousand-dollar suit.

It was him. More specifically, Park Sunghoon.

Their eyes meet instantly, sending a shiver down Sunoo’s spine, though he can’t pinpoint why. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s been avoiding Sunghoon for weeks now, and he suddenly sees him somewhere he least expected. Or maybe it’s the way Sunghoon smirked at him like he wanted to say, "Gotcha!" Or maybe it's the fact that Sunghoon’s ill-fitting suit still looks good on him, especially with his hair up.

Sunoo thinks he shouldn’t be thinking of that last one. But he is. God, he will probably touch himself with the thought of this Sunghoon later, and he’ll feel guilty afterwards—just a little bit, though.

Sunoo tries to tune out Sunghoon’s presence and listens in to his father and the woman. "It’s been a while, Dr. Soo. How have you been?"

"Fantastic," Dr. Soo replies. "Retiring was probably the best decision I’ve ever made. But I’m glad you’re still on your A-game!" Sunoo’s father laughs and tells her that retirement was never an option for him.

"I'd like to introduce my son to you," his father says, motioning for him to come closer. As usual, Sunoo does his bow and then takes her hand for a shake. "This is Kim Sunoo, my one and only son. And this is Dr. Soo Hyungjoon. She was one of my mentors back in med school," his father says.

"Such a fine young man," Dr. Soo compliments. He doesn’t dare look behind her because he knows Sunghoon will be suppressing a chuckle. "I want to introduce to you my mentee and charge, Park Sunghoon."

Sunghoon does the same things Sunoo did to his dad. Then he sneaks in a knowing look at Sunoo, prompting the younger to look away and express his interest in the fake flowers on the table instead.

They exchanged niceties further, and they also talked about Sunoo’s plans to follow in his father’s footsteps, which made Sunoo’s father ask Dr. Soo to take care of his son if he ever encounters her in another setting. Sunoo, however, didn’t pay much attention to it because he could feel Sunghoon’s stare. 

Sunoo is by no means impervious to people’s attention, but it’s different coming from his ex-fuckbuddy-turned-TA, who he’s also trying to avoid and cut connections with. He wants to send Sunghoon away and maybe yell at him a little bit for being annoying (and sexy at the same time), but none of the guests—not even his parents—know about their previous affairs. So he keeps it in and tries to swallow it all down with his cocktail.

Alas, he had just emptied his glass. "I’ll just go freshen my drink up," Sunoo whispers to his mother. It was also a perfect excuse to get away from Park Sunghoon. He excuses himself and tells everyone he’ll be at the bar. His mother reminds him to get back before the auction starts, and he nods with a promise of returning.

He quickened his pace as soon as he saw the open bar inside the mansion and almost toppled over the marble counter when he stopped. He orders another glass of Manhattan with two cherries and waits for the bartender to finish his drink while tapping his feet furiously on the floor.

He had enough reasons to feel panicked, especially when he saw a familiar figure out of the corner of his eye. He smells Sunghoon’s familiar scent of cologne and cigarette smoke before he feels his presence beside him.

"You know, running away from someone you know is considered extremely rude," Sunghoon half-whispers with that playful tone that always grinds Sunoo’s gears. He turns to the bartender and asks for a Bellini, which makes Sunoo raise an eyebrow.

"Never pegged you as a fruity type of guy."

Sunghoon snorts. "I can’t tell if that’s a double entendre. But, yes, I am. In all forms of the word."

The bartender excuses himself for a moment to fetch some ingredients that are not available at the bar anymore. Sunoo didn’t have time to protest because Sunghoon told him to take his time, which meant Sunoo would be stuck here with Sunghoon for an awkward amount of time. Outside the mansion, Sunoo hears the host announcing that the auction will start soon.

"Have you been here before?" Sunghoon tries to start a conversation again. But Sunoo ignores him and instead surveys the interior of the mansion, observing the guests that were on their way to the auction.

"I wonder what those velvet ropes are protecting," Sunghoon speaks to himself. Sunoo still doesn’t reply.

Obviously, whoever put those velvet ropes around the mansion is trying to keep the guests off of restricted areas. Some people actually live and work here. So Sunoo guesses that personal rooms and offices are behind those ropes. Maybe they’re also trying to keep people away from valuable items. But Sunoo doesn’t say it out loud, letting Sunghoon mull over his own thoughts.

The bartender returns shortly—fortunately—and finishes making their drink in record time.

"Wanna find out what’s behind that one?" Sunghoon asks Sunoo under his breath. He points to a velvet rope leading to a hallway on the left wing. Sunoo stares at Sunghoon, telling him with his eyes that he’s not interested in whatever he wants to do. And then, he bites one of the cherries in his drink and turns his heel to head back to the auction.

However, Sunoo can’t completely put his head back into the auction. He was never interested in old people flaunting their wealth, anyway. Plus, he doesn’t like being with his father for more than an hour. He feels like he’d explode. So, even though it was against his will, Sunoo turns around and glimpses Sunghoon’s shadow as he steps into the left wing, ignoring the velvet rope.

Sunoo tails Sunghoon slowly and quietly so as to not alert the latter. There was a small staircase just a few paces away from the velvet rope that Sunoo climbed. It leads to the second floor, which stretches into a wider hallway with doors lining the walls. Sunoo thinks he’s in the host’s personal space, and he knows he shouldn’t be here.

He was about to descend when he heard something behind one of the doors to his right. It was someone laughing. Sunghoon.

Sunoo bites his lip and considers going back down, but he hears Sunghoon laugh again, and somehow, that piques his attention.

He carefully turns the doorknob—gold, of course—and gently opens the door with careful steps. The room looked vintage and it was obviously someone’s office. There were two bookcases on either side of the room, and a cabinet with glass doors that revealed small trinkets and trophies inside. The carpet is thick and tan, and the wooden floors are polished. The windows at the far back are wide enough to see the auction going on in the backyard.

And in the middle of the room, leaning against the desk with a glass of Bellini in between his lips, is Sunghoon. He smirks at Sunoo, as if he expected the latter to follow him. Sunoo involuntarily swallows, feeling quite embarrassed at the fact that he’s so easy to lure.

"Nice room, huh?" Sunghoon comments. He crosses his legs at the ankles and sips his Bellini.

Sunoo tries to nonchalantly walk over to the window to check on the auction below. The glass makes the colors outside a bit distorted, but he can make out the guests’ colorful garments and a large vase that’s being offered for the first bid.

He supposes he should have expected it since he voluntarily put himself in the same room as Park Sunghoon, but when he feels the latter’s arms circle around his waist and his lips latching onto his neck, Sunoo still flinches in surprise and tries to break away from him.

"Hmm… You’re really stubborn. I’ve been so bored," Sunghoon whispers in his ear before biting on the lobe.

Sunoo tries to push himself away, but all he manages to do is turn around to face Sunghoon. The TA still had his arms tightly wound around Sunoo’s waist, and this new position only gave him access to Sunoo’s neck.

"Sunghoon, stop." Sunoo’s attempts to push Sunghoon off of him were futile. The TA wasn’t listening, and instead continued to ravage his neck. His hands are sliding down Sunoo’s ass to give one of the cheeks an eager squeeze.

Sunoo bites his lip to suppress a moan. It feels good. Sunghoon is good with his hands and mouth, and Sunoo has been deprived of another body for almost a month now. But it’s still not right. Sunghoon is still his TA, and they are in a fucking stranger’s house. His parents are just outside the mansion.

"Hmm?" Sunghoon slots his leg in between Sunoo’s and lifts it slightly upwards, pressing against Sunoo’s growing erection. "Want me to stop, baby?"

"Don’t call me baby. I’m not your fucking baby," Sunoo spits out. His treacherous hands curl into fists against Sunghoon’s lapels as his knees start to go weak. But Sunoo still tries his best not to break his own principles, despite how nice Sunghoon smells right now—like alcohol and peaches—and how good it feels to have his mouth on his skin. "Stop. We shouldn’t. You’re my TA."

Sunghoon smiles against his neck and crowds him closer into the window. He just hopes no one looks up from their respective tables at the auction below to witness this debauchery.

"We’re not in the classroom right now. I’m not your TA. I’m just Sunghoon, and you’re just fucking turning me on." Sunghoon chances a slap on Sunghoon’s ass, making the younger yelp. "You’re so pretty."

He moans. Sunoo traitorously moans when he hears the praise. He’s so fucking weak, but also so fucking horny, and he knows that Sunghoon can tell because he starts rubbing his leg much harder in between Sunoo’s thighs. He grabs Sunoo’s ass cheek and encourages him to rock back against his leg. He licks a stripe on the exposed skin just above Sunoo’s collar.

"You should have texted me," Sunghoon groans against his ear. "I kept waiting for you. I should’ve just fucked your pretty ass in the classroom. Make everyone see how much of a slut you are."

Sunoo’s grip tightens and he can’t stop himself from rocking forward to Sunghoon’s thigh, subtly riding it as he scrambles to get his sanity back. He’s not one to enjoy dirty talk all the time, but when he’s had nothing but his dildo to satisfy himself in his dorm room, Sunghoon’s words sounded like fucking honey in his ears.

He trembles slightly, and he closes his eyes as he slips away from rationality. All he could feel now were Sunghoon’s hands, lips, thighs, and the stiffness in between his own legs.

He wants this. He needs this. And if Sunghoon is willing to give it to him, this generous scratch to an itch that’s been bothering him for a while now, why would he say no? They’re nowhere near the university. Right now, Sunghoon is not his TA. They’re just two people who desperately need some release.

"Stop," Sunoo sighs out as he slumps on Sunghoon’s shoulder.

"Stop? It feels good, right? Do you really want me to stop?"

Sunghoon would have been perfect if it weren’t for his fucking mouth that never seems to shut up. Sunoo leans back and gives his iciest glare at Sunghoon, who seems to have been captivated upon making eye contact. "Stop talking and fuck me already."

The TA—no, Sunghoon—smirks and grabs the lapels of Sunoo’s jacket. He yanks it off him and throws it down the mahogany floor as if it weren't worth an apartment. He fists at Sunoo’s bow tie next and loosens it with one pull. Sunoo moans at how hot it is, but he doesn’t have time to properly regard what’s happening because Sunghoon is moving again. He practically rips Sunoo’s shirt off of his body and doesn’t wait to dive down his chest. He places open-mouthed kisses all over him and only pauses to say, "Such a doll," under his breath.

Sunoo blushes over that mindless remark.

Then, without warning, Sunghoon carries him behind his thighs and pushes him up against the window to get his balance. "Sunghoon!" Sunoo whisper-shouts, slapping Sunghoon on the shoulder. He looks back slightly at the auction happening downstairs and sees that they are now bidding for an abstract painting. No one is looking up to see Sunoo getting devoured by a nobody.

Sunghoon chuckles and presses harder against Sunoo, letting the latter feel his apparent erection. He slid Sunoo up slightly to mouth at his nipples, which only made Sunoo lean back in delight.

Sunghoon looks up at him. His attempt at making puppy eyes seems out of place. So is his pout and childish tone. "Still no kisses?"

Sunoo laughs despite his desperation consuming him. "No kisses." His laugh grows louder when Sunghoon pouts even deeper. But the innocence was immediately erased from his face as he carried Sunoo to the desk in the middle of the room. He doesn’t kiss Sunoo, but he holds him like he does. His mouth finds Sunoo’s neck once again, his hands preoccupied with Sunoo’s chest before Sunoo notices that Sunghoon is still fully clothed.

"Take your jacket off," Sunoo orders. Sunghoon steps back and raises an eyebrow at Sunoo before obliging.

Despite their desperate actions earlier, Sunghoon now takes his time taking his jacket off. He loosens his tie effortlessly, and Sunoo watches him expose the muscles in his forearms. He’s not naked, but Sunoo could probably cum at the sight of him like this.

"Stand and turn around," Sunghoon commands next. It was Sunoo’s turn to raise an eyebrow. He doesn’t like being ordered around, especially not by men who fuck him as a pasttime. But tonight, for Sunghoon, he makes an exception.

So he slides off of the desk and turns around to face the window on the far wall again. The cool air hit his bare skin, but it was immediately replaced by Sunghoon’s hot touch. He leans back against Sunghoon’s shoulder when he feels his mouth on his shoulder again. One of Sunghoon’s hands plays with his nipple, the other slides down to palm the front of his pants.

"Ah… Sunghoon…"

"Yes, baby?"

"I’m not your baby…" Sunghoon smiles against his skin, but then his hands go down to unbuckle Sunoo’s belt. He walks forward until Sunoo’s thighs hit one end of the desk.

Sunghoon immediately dips his hand into Sunoo’s underwear and thumbs at his head. "You’re so cute."

Sunoo snorts. "Don’t call my dick cute." He admits it’s not the biggest dick out there, but it still made a couple of people whine out his name."

I’m not making fun of your dick. I’m talking about you as a whole." Sunghoon kisses his cheek. "You’re cute."

"Uh-huh…"

"Now, bend over so I can eat you out."

Sunoo’s knees almost gave in, but he steadied himself by putting his palms down on the desk. Sunghoon throws two packets beside him, a condom and a fucking travel-sized lube. Sunoo chuckles because it’s the same one he uses, albeit in bottle form. "Fruity, huh?"

His comment was met with a slap on the ass that sent him slightly forward. "Fuck…" he says under his breath.

Sunghoon doesn’t waste any time and shoves Sunoo’s pants down. He kisses one cheek before tapping Sunoo’s thigh to let him step out of the discarded garment. Sunoo looks back and sees Sunghoon kneeling down. Then he squeezes Sunoo’s asscheeks together, letting them bounce before kissing each one. "So pretty…"

Sunoo's body is almost entirely bare if it weren’t for the fact that he still has his unbuttoned shirt on. Somehow, though, being only naked from the waist down feels more sensual, like a tease.

Sunghoon stands up for a moment and trails kisses from Sunoo’s shoulders down the dips of his spine. He bites on one cheek before licking it and does the same to the other one. "I’m gonna eat you out, baby. You look so scrumptious." He squeezes Sunoo’s cheeks again before spreading them apart. And then he puckers his lips against the hole before licking one long stripe from the bottom up.

"Ah…" Sunoo moans, closing his eyes. It’s nowhere near the pleasure he’s craving, but he missed the wet appendage playing in between his cheeks. He could only do so much with a dildo, after all.

Sunghoon licks him slowly again and again until Sunoo lets a frustrated groan erupt from his throat. Sunghoon smiles against his skin, but quickly changes pace. He alternates between licking, sucking, and kissing, and it’s making Sunoo crazy. Sunghoon messily eats him out. He could feel Sunghoon’s spit coating the side of his thighs, but Sunoo loved it. He loves it when sex gets messy. It’s more fun.

Then, he gets up for the second time to retrieve the packet of lube on the desk. Then he gets his glass of Bellini, which Sunoo just notices inches away from his hand. The glass still has a small amount of alcohol that ends up in between his legs. Sunghoon—the devil—sipped the remaining alcohol and spat it out into Sunoo’s hole, mixing it with his saliva.

"Fucking maniac," Sunoo groans, even though he finds it so fucking hot. Nevermind the stickiness he’ll feel later; he’ll be sticky all over anyway.

"You like it," Sunghoon quips. Sunoo does.

He hears the packet of lube getting ripped open. The smell of strawberries and peaches permeates the air. "Tell me if you’re uncomfortable, okay?"

"That’s sweet, but I can take it," Sunoo sighs.

A cold finger circles around his hole, making Sunoo hiss through his teeth. "Shit…""

Feels good?"

"Yeah…" Sunoo whines with a high-pitched tone. He sounds so fucking needy when he’s not being fucked properly yet.

Luckily, Sunghoon doesn’t drag it out any longer. He lets his finger slip in easily inside Sunoo to locate his sweet spot. He finds it easily, as if he’s been doing this his whole life. Sunoo thinks that the anatomy classes Sunghoon has taken must be paying off.

Sunoo pushes back unabashedly. Sunghoon sees his desperation, so he pins Sunoo down by the hip and fingers him at a much quicker pace.

"Fuck… I need more… More…" Sunoo moans, fighting against Sunghoon’s hand by wiggling his ass.

"More, baby?"

"Yeah…"

Sunghoon adds another finger and stretches Sunoo out. Sunoo lets himself lean down on his arms, his chest hovering just about an inch away from the desk. A quiet thump indicates Sunghoon is back on the floor again. He inserts his tongue and another finger into Sunoo, eliciting a loud whine from the younger. Sunoo reaches back and spreads his cheeks even wider for Sunghoon, while his other hand grips the desk like his life depended on it.

"Ahh! Please… Don’t stop…"

"Like it when you beg," Sunghoon remarks before biting down hard on Sunoo’s ass cheek. Sunoo rarely begs, but when he does, it’s because he is truly desperate.

"Sunghoon… just… fuck…" He’s getting more incoherent, and his mind is slowly becoming hazy. But Sunghoon slaps his ass again, and that effectively wakes him up. "Shit!"

He doesn’t know when the condom disappears from his sight, but before he can notice, he hears Sunghoon unzipping his pants behind him. He cranes his neck to take a peek and sees the furrow of Sunghoon’s eyebrows and his slackened jaw. His mouth glistens with spit, alcohol, and lube. The sight makes Sunoo even wetter.

Then his eyes go down on Sunghoon’s dick as the condom gets rolled on it. Sunghoon tugs at it a few more times to get himself ready. Sunoo loves sucking Sunghoon’s dick. He likes it when it hits the back of his throat, but now is not the time for a blowjob when he’s only an inch away from exploding. He files the thought away for later.

"Like what you see?" Sunghoon teases. Sunoo rolls his eyes. Sunghoon already knew his answer. "Aw, baby, don’t be like that."

"I’m not your baby."

Sunghoon smiles and presses the length of his dick against Sunoo’s behind before he pulls Sunoo up so he can take the latter’s shirt off just enough to expose his shoulders. He kisses the flaming skin there and then up the column of Sunoo’s neck before giving a gentle bite where he knows Sunoo likes. Sunoo can’t help but push back and feel Sunghoon’s length slide along his cheeks.

"Sunghoon…" he says with a whiny tone. "Come on. Fuck me."

"Uh-huh. Patience, baby." Sunghoon doesn’t put his dick in him right away. Instead, he lets Sunoo suck two of his fingers while they stare at each other. Sunoo, not one to back out of any challenge, sucks and licks at the fingers eagerly. He even moans and lets his eyes roll back in pleasure. Sunghoon watches him with an aroused look on his face. And Sunoo smiles.

Sunghoon pulls Sunoo’s head to the side while his fingers are still inside the latter’s mouth. Sunoo continues to suck on the digits and tries not to bite down on them when he feels Sunghoon’s head entering him torturously slowly.

"Hmm!" Sunoo clamps down on Sunghoon’s fingers when the latter pinches at his nipple, momentarily distracting him from Sunghoon’s entire length, making it all the way inside him. Sunoo feels so full, yet he still wants more. He didn’t let his expensive coat be treated like a rock just to warm Sunghoon’s cock.

He lets his spit dribble out when he abandons Sunghoon’s fingers. "Move. I can handle it."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

And so Sunghoon does. He holds Sunoo by the waist and shallowly thrusts into him, making Sunoo moan out at the delicious feeling. "Fuck, baby. How are you still so tight?" The way he says it sounds like he’s gritting his teeth. Sunoo clenches his muscles lightly—a trick he learned from a girl he used to fuck—and draws a well-earned moan from Sunghoon. It’s music to his ears, and it's a stroke on his ego to know that he’s the one doing this to him."

Oh, fuck. This is what you’ve kept away from me, fucking bitch," Sunghoon mutters his expletives against Sunoo’s ears. Somehow, the curses make Sunoo even more desperate.

Sunoo feels the drag of Sunghoon’s dick inside him and he can’t get enough of it. He meets his every thrust and holds on to the sturdy desk for dear life as Sunghoon punctuates a moan with a particularly hard thrust. He kisses Sunoo’s exposed shoulder again, the gentleness greatly contrasting with the careless pistoning of his hips.

"Does it feel good?" Sunghoon asks while panting.

"Y-yeah," Sunoo stutters. "So good, Sunghoon…""

Stop avoiding me, I mean it. No one has to know. We’ll be careful."

"Fuck…" Sunoo doesn’t know why Sunghoon is so insistent on keeping their previous agreement. It’s not like he can get another fuckbuddy. He’s sure that a lot of other people find him hot and would love to have the privilege of getting into his pants. Yet he chooses Sunoo, the last person he should be fucking because he’s a TA in Sunoo’s class.

"Sunoo…"

"I’ll think about it," Sunoo dragged out. It was good enough for Sunghoon, he thinks, because he doesn’t say anything further. Instead, he resumes his relentless ramming and doesn’t miss Sunoo’s sensitive spot.

Outside, the speaker booms as the host introduces the last two bids of the night. They only have a short time left before the auction ends. Sunoo’s parents will be looking for him, and he needs to be present.

So, even though he doesn’t want this to end yet, Sunoo tells Sunghoon, "Sunghoon… Hurry…"

"Mmm…" Sunghoon hums as he quickens his pace. His hand toys with Sunoo’s nipple once again, while the other one holds Sunoo’s length, jerking it off slightly.

Sunoo’s senses are overstimulated, but he wants more. He knows they’re moving at a time limit, so he savors it as much as he can. Sunghoon groans again and curses under his breath. His own moans are getting louder and louder, and their voices mix in the air, blocking out the sounds from outside. Sunoo grips Sunghoon’s waist and urges him to go even faster if that’s possible. His other hand grips the desk to keep his balance.

"Shit, baby, are you close?"

Sunoo must have some sort of tell because Sunghoon asks the question right after Sunoo’s stomach squeezes with pleasure. He’s wound up tight and he’s surely going to come soon.

"Yeah…" he whines desperately. "Don’t stop."

The last bid starts outside, and when the host starts calling out the bids, Sunghoon pushes him down the desk until he’s completely face down on the surface. Sunghoon’s strong arm keeps Sunoo from moving, but Sunoo doesn’t think he’ll be able to in the first place. His knees were getting weak as well.

"Five thousand dollars going once!"

"Mmh!" comes Sunghoon’s tight-lipped groan as he fucks Sunoo harshly on the desk.

"Going twice!"

Sunghoon grabs Sunoo’s thigh, making Sunoo whimper loudly. He lets his eyes roll back in his head as he feels everything vibrating in him. From the sound of Sunghoon’s voice to the desk creaking under his body. "Sunghoon, I’m gonna come!""

Going thrice!"

"Fuck! Fuck, Sunoo! You’re so fucking tight. Shit." He slaps Sunoo’s ass and grabs his waist with both of his hands. "God, fuck." Maybe that’s Sunghoon’s tell. He frantically curses when he’s about to cum too. He bites Sunoo’s shoulder and presses hard into his prostate.

"Sold!"

They both cum, shaking and panting like they’d been deprived of oxygen for so long. Sunoo doesn’t know if he’ll be able to stand up after that intense fuck, but it was definitely better than Mr. Yook. He hears Sunghoon gasping for air behind him and feels him kissing his neck again.

"You’re so fucking pretty, Sunoo. It’s insane," he whispers.

"Hmm…" Sunoo could do nothing but groan at Sunghoon’s compliment and weight.

Sunghoon laughs and stands up to pull his dick out. Sunoo closes his eyes for a moment, reveling in the buzzing underneath his skin and the stickiness in between his legs. The smell of peach, strawberry, and sex is kind of addicting.

He can’t believe he’s willing to give up his principles for this dick.

He hears Sunghoon discard the opened packets and the used condom somewhere, maybe a trash can near the desk, before returning behind Sunoo. He rubs circles around Sunoo’s back before hoisting him up and making him sit on the desk.

Sunoo was a mess and he left a trail of his own cum on the desk. Luckily, there was a box of tissues sitting atop it. Sunoo doesn’t move and lets Sunghoon clean everything up—his stomach, his hands, the surface of the desk. Then he buttons his shirt up and locates his bow tie and jacket on the floor. He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the glass cabinet and sees how flushed he is. If his mother asks, he’ll tell her it’s the alcohol. As for the hair, he’ll make an excuse that the hairspray made his scalp itch.

He turns back to the window and sees the forgotten Manhattan sitting on the window sill. He takes it and finishes the drink and the remaining cherry in one big gulp. For some reason, it tastes sweeter than before.

When he deems himself to look more proper, despite the inappropriateness of what he has subjected himself to, Sunoo turns to the door. But before he could take a step forward, he saw Sunghoon smirking. He still has his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and his jacket is lying on the couch. He nonchalantly leans his head to the side with his hands in his pockets. "Had fun?"

Sunoo snorts. "Don’t be cocky."

"Are you gonna call me then?"

Sunoo swallows but gives him the same answer. "I’ll think about it."

Sunoo to Sunghoon [AFTER PARTY]

Chapter Text

Sunoo likes to make lists. It keeps his thoughts organized, and it gives him a rundown of things that he wants to prioritize. He makes lists of things he needs to buy at the grocery store. He makes lists of his favorite perfumes. He makes lists of the most palatable cinnamon buns he’s ever had around the world (that one from Paris that he discovered in a rundown cart that he knows is violating some kind of health code is unbeatable). And not to toot his own horn, but he also has a list of his favorite bedwarmers—or more appropriately, the best of the worst, because men are still only worth their dicks.

His first boyfriend—Hyunjin—is still at number one. Sunoo discovered a lot about himself during that relationship, which lasted for almost two years. Hyunjin was a lot of his firsts. First date. First kiss. First time. And Hyunjin had been amazing in all of them.

Their first date—the one Sunoo and Hyunjin planned on their own, and not the one his mother orchestrated—was at the movies. They saw "The Theory of Everything" because Hyunjin was such a romance-angst nerd, and he cried at the theater. Those were genuine tears, and not just a ploy to get Sunoo to embrace him for comfort. Then they headed to a pojangmacha and ate street food to their hearts’ content. And then Hyunjin drove him home and kissed him on the doorstep for the very first time.

Their first time was just as magical as Sunoo imagined. Hyunjin was gentle with him, always giving him praise and making him feel like he was truly loved. The same goes for their second and third, and many more times together. For about two years, Sunoo was happy. His parents, too, since they thought they’d secured a business deal. And he hoped Hyunjin was too.

But sometimes, when someone is too happy for a period of time, the universe tends to find a way to balance that happiness out with some terrible thing. For Sunoo, it was the cheating that he discovered.

Not once did he think that it would ever happen because Hyunjin was perfect in every way. Apparently, he was wrong. There’s nothing he hates more than people making a fool of him. He is his mother’s son, and even though he wasn’t that close with his father, his old man has never pulled any stupid shit like this. He simply did not tolerate it and called everything off. His father was disappointed in him, but he thinks he wouldn’t have been if he knew the truth. Sunoo didn’t have the energy to provide any explanation to them. There was no salvaging the relationship anyway.

From then on, Sunoo swore off any kind of romantic commitment. He doesn’t want a repeat of what happened to him, not because he’s scared, but because he doesn’t want people to think they can step all over him. It’s his life. It’s his own way of taking control of what happens to him. After all, if Hyunjin just used him for his body, what’s so bad about using others too? At least he’s not cheating when he’s never been in a relationship with them.

Now that he thinks about it, perhaps his list is still biased toward Hyunjin. He doesn’t think Hyunjin is number one because of the skills he has in bed. It was more like an emotional attachment that Sunoo hated to admit to himself. He’s been with countless people from all over the world, and they all had something to bring to the table. Hyunjin just holds that place because… Well, Sunoo doesn’t know. And he’s not sure if Hyunjin will ever be knocked off of that throne anytime soon.

Until his mind wanders off to his encounter with Park Sunghoon at the auction.

It’s not like he’s never been pushed against a desk in a semi-public place before. But there was just something about that encounter that made Sunoo feel like he was floating. Perhaps it was the alcohol spat out on his ass or the way Sunghoon groans unapologetically against his ear.Maybe it was the thrill of the possibility of being caught (he found out shortly after that the door was never locked). Or perhaps the forbidden act of being fucked by his TA while his parents are just downstairs bidding on an ugly, overpriced vase.

Sunoo can’t pinpoint the reason why his mind kept replaying it over the weekend, or why his head stumbles upon that memory as he fucks himself with a dildo. But whatever happened that night at the auction most definitely challenged Sunoo’s list.

Now, he’s facing yet another dilemma. No matter how good Park Sunghoon is at using his dick, he’s still Sunoo’s TA for the semester. It’s not the biggest crime to fuck a TA, but if Sunoo gets in trouble and this shit gets public, his reputation is not the only thing on the line; his family’s too. He could already see the disappointed look in his father’s eyes.

Then again, Sunghoon kept assuring him that they’d be fine, that they’d be careful. And Sunoo has the stupid idea of believing him.

Monday rolls in, and Sunoo finds himself hesitating to enter the biology classroom. He was going to see Sunghoon again, and they would make eyes at each other again. Sunoo can already feel the blush creeping up his neck and his legs pressing together to suppress himself from getting distracted by that memory from the auction. The coffee he had with Jungwon did not help. It’s only making him more jittery.

Five minutes before the class starts, Sunoo finally slaps some sense back into himself and enters the classroom. It was mostly full, but his usual spot remained unoccupied, as if his classmates were already aware that it belonged to him.

"Good afternoon," Sunoo hears Sunghoon say from his desk. He has a smile on his face while getting the projector ready for today’s lecture.

Sunoo looks at him and swallows. He appears to be much more relaxed than the last time we saw him. His hair isn’t slicked back, and he’s wearing a varsity jacket instead of a fancy suit. Yet he still looks attractive. His gentle smile might look boyish, but his eyes looked at Sunoo like he was ready to undress him and fulfill his promise of fucking Sunoo in the classroom.

Sunoo slams his mind shut and mutters a hasty "Afternoon," back to Sunghoon before practically running to his seat. He sets his things down on his spot and keeps his head down for most of the lecture because he’s afraid that he’ll fucking cum in his pants the moment Sunghoon smirks at him across the room.

Sunghoon informs everyone that the professor won’t be in for the rest of the week because of research matters on the other side of the country. "So for the rest of the week, I’ll be here talking to you guys about frog sex." As if on cue, a picture of two frogs in the middle of mating flashes on the screen. The word "FROG SEX" is written below it in a serif font. The class laughs. Sunoo feels his sweat seep through his clothes, though.

It was only two days ago when he was in a similar position to those frogs, no matter how silly the thought was. He steals a quick glance across the room and sees Sunghoon staring at him amusedly. He was leaning back on his desk, legs crossed at the ankles, and arms crossed in a languid posture. It was a lot like how he seduced Sunoo at the auction, sans the whole fancy shit in the background.

Sunoo unconsciously presses his thighs together and looks down at his laptop. He can’t believe he’s actually getting turned on right now while they’re having a lecture on frog sex.

"The bulk of our lecture isn’t going to be focused on this, of course, no matter how much all of you want to know how frogs do it ." More laughter, like Sunoo’s classmates are the live audience for some sitcom. "We’ll be talking about the frog’s organ systems and comparing them to the human organ systems. And since we’re here already, let’s start with the frog’s reproductive system." 

Sunghoon clicks a button on his laptop and moves on to the next slide. It was a different slide with the same picture, but smaller.

"Can you tell me what this mating position is called? And don’t answer me with 'doggy style'," Sunghoon emphasizes with distaste, which makes the room vibrate with laughter. "Please have some respect. They’re frogs!"

Oh, Sunghoon’s got them all wrapped around his finger. With his charming smile and charismatic jokes, he managed to woo the whole room, and Sunoo thinks he’s fucking annoying for it. There’s a smaller part of him, though, that finds it hot in some way, and that if Sunghoon does push through with his hypothetical offer of fucking him in the middle of the classroom, Sunoo would probably agree to it. But that’s ridiculous and hypotheticals shouldn’t be entertained, so Sunoo keeps his head down and opens up Google Docs on his laptop to take down notes.

It was a serious question, though, and he jumped slightly when Sunghoon’s voice echoed around the lecture hall, calling his name. "Kim Sunoo." All eyes were immediately trained on Sunoo. Most of them already knew who he was. He welcomes attention, he really does, but not like this. Not when his ex-fuckbuddy (but not really) wants him to answer a question in front of the whole class, who already despise him just because he’s every professor’s favorite.

It’s not Sunoo’s fault that he’s good at what he does, but he also doesn’t like to show off.

"I trust that you’ve read this chapter already," Sunghoon says. Rather, he mocks Sunoo. He knows well that he’s already read this chapter. Sunoo’s notes are three chapters ahead, a fact that he carelessly slipped on the second night they had sex at Sunghoon’s apartment after the latter asked him to stay.

"I don’t mind if you sleep here," Sunghoon said while putting his shirt back on, his hair sticking out in all places after Sunoo had used it as leverage while he pounded him to the mattress.

Sunoo snorted. "No, thanks. I’m still not done with my readings, and I’d rather organize my notes for the next three weeks than waste time listening to you snore."

Sunoo suppresses the urge to roll his eyes and instead sifts through the information in his head to answer his irritating TA. "Amplexus," Sunoo responds bluntly, staring at Sunghoon head on. "It’s a mating behavior associated with amphibians such as frogs where the male grasps the female around the waist or under the armpits to align their cloacae and ensure successful fertilization."

Even though he was across the room, Sunoo could clearly see the mischief in Sunghoon’s eyes as his smile widened. He wants to punch it off of his face.

"Perfectly explained, Mr. Kim." Sunoo looks down at his laptop again after answering, ignoring the whispers from his classmates.

He didn’t come in here to impress them—or at least, that wasn’t a top priority on his list—he was here to actually learn. Sunghoon just so happens to test his patience.

Much to his disappointment, Sunoo’s Friday nights aren’t filled with any exciting parties or even a relaxing sleepover at Jungwon’s as they talk shit about B-rated movies while sipping wine. Instead, he now spends it at the university library, trying his best to finish papers immediately so he won’t drown in them later. He doesn’t like putting them off out of fear of having to deal with them when exam week comes. He wants to focus on his exams rather than deal with countless essays about frogs or kinematics. Perhaps he can find some form of entertainment later—or maybe tomorrow morning, because he might as well be stuck in the library through the wee hours of the night just to finish everything.

He makes it to the library while sipping on his latte with extra shots of espresso—because God knows he needs it—and scours the tables that are already occupied by other students. Many of them are on their laptops or iPads, trying to organize their notes or catch up on reading. The ones on their phones are taking a break by either playing games, watching stupid YouTube videos, or talking to their significant others. And a handful are leaning face down with earphones on while taking naps.

Sunoo skips the tables at the immediate entrance of the library. It can be too distracting to be around that many people when he’s trying to study. He goes to the library’s right wing—yes, it’s that big—and past the bookshelves, with some more occupied desks in between, until he reaches the farthest wall, where the nicer looking booths are situated. Surprisingly, not many people choose these seats because the lights are quite dim—shit for reading—and they are near obsolete books that no one really needs. Plus, it’s quite warm since the A/C doesn’t reach this place much. But for Sunoo, it’s the perfect spot.

He usually gets through his self-study sessions without any distractions when he’s seated here, unless the door to the restricted section to his right creaks loudly. But that, too, is a rare occurrence since the room is locked and he’s only seen the librarian come and go from time-to-time.

But tonight is quite different. His booth is occupied. So Sunoo had no choice but to take the one beside it, even though it’s not all that different. He’ll just be situated right in the middle of the aisle, so he can see the people walking through the shelves, even at the far end of the wing. It’ll be distracting, he thinks, but he’ll just cover his line of sight with a book or something. Perhaps that could help.

Sunoo sets his things down and gets on with his work. He puts his phone on silent even though no one’s going to be texting him for the next ten hours. His mother is off to some socialites’ party again, and Jungwon is well-occupied by his fiance at their weekly dinners.

He starts with his general subjects first, since they are the easiest. It’d be best if they were out of the way once he focuses on his majors. Their case study in chemistry needed all the brainpower he could muster later. He hopes that the latte can help with that.

He gradually finds his pace and finishes three pages easily. He looks over at the other booth and curses at whoever took his spot because he feels like he could’ve been more productive if he weren’t so distracted by the aisle wanderers a few paces away. He sneaks a glance at the open laptop and a plethora of other books and papers scattered on the desk. A half-eaten tiramisu stares at him mockingly.

He finishes two more pages when the familiar creak of the restricted area’s door irritates Sunoo’s ears. He looks up from his laptop and sees his pesky biology TA. He’s wearing yet another university jacket—this time a shade darker than the one he wore on Monday—while carrying a pile of hardbound theses. He doesn’t notice Sunoo staring at him because he’s scrolling through his phone.

But he eventually does when he walks back to his booth—or what was supposed to be Sunoo’s booth. He flashes Sunoo a smile. Sunoo wishes he would’ve ignored him.

"Hey," Sunghoon greets him while he slides into his booth. He rearranges the things on the desk and opens up a hardbound thesis in front of his laptop. "Pulling an all-nighter?"

This is a clear violation of their agreement—though Sunoo still hasn't resolved if his involvement with Sunghoon still stands after what happened at the auction—about not acknowledging each other outside of their… agreed location . Then again, the moment Sunoo was informed that Sunghoon would be his biology TA already made that rule irrelevant. Still… Sunghoon should just leave him to his own devices because that jacket looks good on him, and Sunoo hadn’t even had a chance to take care of himself for the whole week. It’s extremely distracting.

"I guess so," Sunoo shrugs. By the looks of it, Sunghoon’s going to do the same too, which is yet another distraction. Maybe he should cut his study session short tonight.

No , his rationality kicks in. Sunoo won’t be fazed by some guy who he only ever sees as a dick (in all senses of the word). He won’t sacrifice his academic performance just because Sunghoon is smirking at him the way he does when he takes Sunoo’s clothes off. Sunoo shakes his head and mentally slaps himself.

"Did you pick the restricted section’s lock?" Sunoo asks in a sort of condescending tone, just to pick at the TA.

Sunghoon smiles widely, his dimple peeking out of his cheek. Then he retrieves something from his pocket. It was a set of keys that he jingled in front of Sunoo. "Authorized access because I’m a TA and a research assistant." Him being a research assistant is news to Sunoo, but he supposes he shouldn’t have been surprised. Despite looking like a no-good spoiled brat, Sunghoon must really be excelling academically, especially when he’s personally mentored by Dr. Soo, whom Sunoo found out to be one of the founders of the university.

"You can borrow it if you want," Sunghoon offers. "There are good resources in there that are mostly gatekept for the students, but hey, might as well extend the benefits of being your friend to this, right?" He smirks, his eyes full of mischief.

Sunoo snorts. This kind of offer is exactly why he wants to cut ties with Sunghoon. This is what will get him in trouble. Though he’s confident that he can ace his classes without anyone’s help—much less from his bedwarmer—it can be a cause of conflict if anyone finds out.

"I’ll pass on that," Sunoo replies, before going back to his essay.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Sunghoon shrug arrogantly. The keys jingle again when they’re stuffed inside his pocket. "Well, the offer still stands. It’s not like I’m letting you borrow it for biology. Those chemistry cases are a migraine, you know?" Sunoo replies by keeping his silence and letting the tapping of his keyboard answer for him.

"Or if you need a break, you can go in there too," Sunghoon somehow continues. "The restricted area is awfully quiet for some reason…" Sunoo chokes. He knows what Sunghoon is implying. And he doesn’t fall for it. 

Sunoo is careful and has a reputation to uphold that reflects his own family’s reputation at this university. He doesn’t let his fuckbuddies sign an NDA, but he’s smart enough to only get involved with people who also have reputations to keep. And he’s smart enough to be clear on his boundaries, such as only meeting them in their apartments or in hotels where they can ensure their privacy. He doesn’t give out too much information, and even though he is adventurous, there is still a level of vigilance in his actions.

So he ignores Sunghoon. He ignores his suggestive moans every time he takes a bite of his tiramisu. He blocks out his sighs when he finds a particular paragraph difficult to understand. And he tries not to look when Sunghoon runs his fingers through his hair.

No, Sunoo’s resolve is much stronger than that.

He thinks it’s just the stress of college kicking in; that’s why he’s been craving someone’s touch more than usual and why he’s been so perceptive of Sunghoon’s every move. He wasn’t like this at all before.

So he blocks everything out around him and instead continues analyzing the persuasive devices in President Moon’s speech for his English course.

Well… At least for the next two hours.

"Shit," Sunoo curses when he accidentally elbows a book with a thick spine behind him. It falls over on the other side of the shelf with a loud thump. His milky white legs are currently around Sunghoon’s waist, his white Balenciagas lightly tapping Sunghoon’s back. His shorts and boxers hung dangerously on his one leg because he refused to take them all the way off just in case someone got inside the restricted section and they had to make a quick run for it.

Sunoo’s hoodie hangs on one shoulder, and the hem of his shirt is haphazardly pushed up his torso to expose the blushed skin of his belly. His length is hard against his stomach, and his thighs and ass are securely gripped by Sunghoon’s hands.

Sunghoon is also dishevelled but still handsome. His hair is messed up by Sunoo’s fingers, and his cheeks are flushed from the heat they share. Sunoo hangs on by the collar of his university jacket while his pants are pushed down just enough to expose his dick, which is currently prodding at Sunoo’s insides.

There was a deep furrow in his eyebrows and a slack in his jaw that was a mix of pure ecstasy and concentration. He looks fascinated with the way his length disappears into Sunoo with every upward thrust. "Fuck, baby."

"Am I heavy?" Sunoo whispers, even though no one can hear them from outside.

Sunghoon shakes his head. He’s strong, and the sturdy bookshelf—though it shakes from time to time—provides enough support for Sunoo’s body.

"You’re so hot," Sunghoon says, while looking at him with dazed eyes. He doesn’t look quite present, lost in the friction between their bodies and the delicious clenching of Sunoo’s insides. "God, you’re driving me crazy, baby."

"Not your baby," Sunoo reminds, but without much bite because Sunghoon looks quite goofy and delirious. His eyes sparkle when he looks at Sunoo, almost like he’s praising him. Sunoo can’t help but chuckle as he presses his palm on Sunghoon’s cheek so he can take a good look. "I like it when you’re like this…"

Sunghoon lets out a puff of breath that smells suspiciously like tiramisu and thrusts faster into Sunoo. Sunoo moans and leans his head back against the books and journals. His grip on Sunghoon’s shoulder is like a vice, but he can’t help it. If he lets go, he might slump down on the ground with how hard Sunghoon is bucking up to him.

"Fuck…" he draws out with a sigh. But he covers his mouth when he moans.

He hears Sunghoon chuckle. "Don’t cover your mouth. I promise you, no one’s gonna hear us outside."

Sunoo looks back at him and manages to say, "Why? You… oh … fucked someone here… before?" Sunghoon loses his rhythm for a second, quirking a brow at Sunoo. "Nevermind, don’t answer that stupid question."

By the looks of it, Sunoo thinks that this is not Sunghoon’s first time doing this here. How else would he know that this room is soundproof against sex noises? And Sunoo is loud when he moans, yet he encourages him to let it all out. Frankly, Sunoo doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to stroke Sunghoon’s ego either.

"Oh, baby, don’t be jealous!" Sunghoon teases as he moves them closer to the bookshelf so Sunoo can straighten his back and he can get closer. "Don’t worry, you’re the prettiest one I brought here," he whispers, and it sends a shiver down Sunoo’s spine.

He really doesn’t care, but Sunghoon’s breath tickles his ears and he likes being complimented, so he smiles against his better judgment.

Sunoo has never been fucked in a library before. And he’s not an exhibitionist by any means. But he realizes now that there’s something so fascinating about the thought of being caught in the middle of the act. He wonders how he looks like right now, pushed against a bookshelf half-naked with flushed skin. Does he look pitiful? Pretty? Deranged? All of them sounded hot, and somehow, the thought only made him harder and wetter.

He turns to Sunghoon and runs his hands against his chest while the latter is busy fucking into him. Sunoo’s delicate fingers graze over the soft material of Sunghoon’s jacket. "I like your jacket," Sunoo whispers. "You look sexy in it."

Sunghoon chuckles. "I was also wearing a similar one the first time we met. Do you have a thing for the stereotypical college look?"

Sunoo pouts because maybe he does. He thinks Sunghoon is a pervert because he feels his dick grow harder inside him when he pouts.

A particularly hard thrust against his prostate prompts Sunoo to wind his arms around Sunghoon and lean against his shoulder. The latter takes it as an opportunity to place kisses and light bites on his neck. It feels so fucking good. Sunoo thinks that his first library sex is going great so far, and he doesn’t shun the idea of having a repeat if given the opportunity.

"Baby, I have a request?" Sunghoon whispers as he slows his pace a little bit. It still feels good, and even though Sunoo still plans to finish three essays after this, he also doesn’t want to rush. Sunghoon is just that good with his dick.

"Yes?" he whispers back as he bites the lobe of Sunghoon’s ear. The latter moans and slightly quickens his pace before slowing down again.

"If you’re comfortable, can you wear a skirt for me next time?"

Sunoo freezes and leans back on the shelf again to look at Sunghoon. The latter is starting to sweat with the effort of holding him up, but he’s also relentless.

"A skirt?" Sunoo echoes.

Sunghoon bites his lip and nods. "A skirt."

Two things stun Sunoo. First, there is the very possibility of a next time happening between them. No matter how much he wants to stand by his personal principles and refrain from getting into trouble, he admits that he can be hypocritical. Sunghoon is good at what he does, and even though he’s fucking annoying, Sunoo doesn’t think the latter is going to purposefully expose them because he also has his own job at the university. And, well, a bigger part of Sunoo doesn’t want to give up Sunghoon’s dick .

"Fuck," Sunghoon groans as he leans forward to bite Sunoo’s shoulder. "You’d look so fucking pretty in it. Your thighs and legs… And I can fuck you easily without taking it off."

"Ahh, Sunghoon…" Sunoo moans at the mental image. Sunoo has done a lot of shit for sex, but dressing up hasn’t been a major part of it, especially dressing up in a feminine way. He’s not afraid to experiment, and he’s confident enough in his masculinity to wear something like that. And now that he thinks about it, it is such a turn on.

He pushes down his hips and meets Sunghoon’s thrust, letting the other’s length go deeper into him. He could almost feel Sunghoon in his stomach. Sunghoon is moaning louder than usual.

"Baby, can you stand on one leg for a moment?"

Sunoo nods and Sunghoon carefully puts him down. Sunoo’s leg straightens on the floor while his other one is being hoisted up by Sunghoon against his torso. He’s like doing the splits, which is easy enough for Sunoo since he’s flexible. But more importantly, the new position makes it easier for Sunghoon to push deeper into Sunoo’s warmth.

Sunoo’s eyes roll back, and he almost loses his balance if it weren’t for Sunghoon catching him instantly. Sunghoon chuckles. "Good?"

"So fucking good…" Sunghoon adjusts their positions again. This time, Sunghoon hooks Sunoo’s leg on his elbow and cages Sunoo’s torso in his arms. His hands squeeze Sunoo’s waist and instantly leave fresh, red bruises with his thumbs.

"Ah… Baby…" Sunghoon’s breath warms Sunoo’s skin as they stare at each other, mouths open in ecstasy. Sunghoon looks down at his lips again, but Sunoo looks to the side and instead lets Sunghoon take purchase of his neck.

"Harder…" Sunoo whines.

"Harder? Baby wants it harder?" Sunghoon’s baby-talk is so fucking annoying, but Sunoo is such a fucking slut, so his insides clench every time he’s being degraded, even in the smallest amount.

"Not your baby," Sunoo says with much more firmness than before. But Sunghoon does as he’s told and presses harder into Sunoo, targetting his already sensitive prostate with every thrust. "Ah! Sunghoon… Fuck!" He winds his arms around Sunghoon and bites on his shoulder as the latter fucks him mercilessly. The sound of their skin slapping against each other is so loud, but also so fucking hot.

"Sunoo… You’re driving me fucking insane…" Sunghoon pants against his ear. "You’re so pretty… fuck."

Despite their loud moans and pants, the two of them suddenly stand still when they hear a familiar jingling coming from the door.

"Shit…" Sunghoon curses. "It’s probably the librarian." Sunghoon swiftly grabs Sunoo’s other leg and carries him quickly to a closet a few paces away from the bookshelf they’ve just debauched. The closet was lined with a bookshelf and more books with titles Sunoo couldn’t read under the dim light. But the space is so small, barely enough for two grown men in such a perverse position. Sunoo’s Balenciagas are flat against the wall, aiding with his support, and his back is pushed against the books once more. Sunghoon failed to close the closet door completely, letting a tiny sliver of light from outside enter.

From his position, Sunoo could see the middle-aged woman who had greeted him at the entrance of the library earlier. Her heels are clacking loudly against the floor, making Sunoo’s heart beat loudly as it grows nearer and nearer.

Shit. This is how we’re gonna get caught, huh?

He holds his breath when he sees the woman stop just an aisle away from where he’d been fucked earlier. But Sunghoon doesn’t seem too fazed by the whole thing. He silently pushes his dick deeper into Sunoo until their stomachs touch. It’s so fucking deep and their close proximity only made it worse.

"Stop…" Sunoo mutters to Sunghoon. The latter just grins and kisses him on the cheek. "You’re gonna get us in trouble!"

"Calm down," Sunghoon whispers in Sunoo’s ear. "She won’t be long," he adds before tonguing on Sunoo’s neck once again.

He starts thrusting very carefully, so they won’t make a sound. Sunoo grips him tighter and curses at him for not even pausing despite the life and death situation that he’s put them in. Sunoo feels him in his stomach with every thrust, and it feels crazy, but he’s also scared of what could happen. He watches the librarian from the crack of the door. She picks up the book that Sunoo knocked over, confused as to how it ended up there. And then, for a moment, Sunoo holds his breath when the librarian looks him straight in the eye. Or at least, that’s what he thought. The librarian eventually turns on her heel, and Sunoo finally relaxes when he hears the door shut.

"You’re a fucking psycho," he tells Sunghoon, before winding his arms around his neck again. He lets Sunghoon continue his relentless pace, each thrust getting deeper with their proximity.

Sunghoon chuckles. "You like it." Sunoo kinda does.

Sunghoon squeezes his ass cheeks and pistons his hips into Sunoo like there’s no tomorrow. Sunoo leans his head back against the old books behind him and claws at Sunghoon’s hair, pulling slightly as he finally cums. Sunghoon follows him not long after and kisses him all over his face and neck.

"Mmm…" Sunoo hums when Sunghoon finally pulls out. Sunghoon chuckles at him and wipes the sweat off of Sunoo’s forehead with the back of his sleeves. "Shit…"

"Yeah." Sunghoon kisses him at the junction between his neck and jaw. "You okay?" Sunoo nods. He’s once again satisfied, and frankly, almost getting caught by the librarian probably made his orgasm much more intense than he expected. Though he’s open to doing that kind of thing again, he doesn’t think it will be anytime soon. Sunghoon promised they’d be careful, and they should be.

"Think about the skirt?" Sunghoon asks again.

Sunoo slaps him on the shoulder and chuckles. "You just got your dick wet and you’re already thinking about next time? Don’t tell me you’re a nympho?" Sunghoon smiles against his skin but helps get his shorts up where they should be. Sunoo takes his hoodie off and ties it around his waist to hide the mess in his stomach.

"No, but I just can’t get enough of you."

"Yeah, whatever," Sunoo says with a roll of his eyes. He pushes Sunghoon off and exits the closet, continuing to strut down the restricted section. He turns around before exiting. "You should probably exit after a few minutes, so we won’t seem too suspicious."

"Got it," Sunghoon answers with a wink while he nonchalantly leans against one of the bookshelves. His hair is disheveled and his jacket is a lot more wrinkly than before. His flushed skin and the bruises under his collar are proof of their encounter.

It won’t stop there, Sunoo thinks.

Her name was Song Geunyoung. 

Sunoo met her when he was twenty; she was twenty-three. From what he remembers, she had long black hair that flowed down her petite waist. Her skin was fair, but her cheeks had a prominent blush on them that also made Sunoo wonder if she wore makeup. She was pretty, and her body was comparable to a goddess’. Her supple breasts that never seemed to be contained by the buttons of her shirt definitely caught Sunoo’s eye, and her flawless legs that seemed to stretch out for miles were attractive, especially with the flowy skirt that she wore during that picnic.

So when he fucked her in his car in the parking lot while all the other guests were rambling about their own businesses and affairs, it only seemed logical. No one can blame him. He was touch-deprived while serving in the military, and she made eyes with him while passing the expensive cheese that her mother prepared for the guests.

He fucked her with her skirt on just because it was convenient and they were trying to do it quickly before someone suspected their absence. He could still remember the way she gripped his shoulders, the way her legs tightened around his waist, the way she moaned out his name as she let her sticky release coat their thighs.

It wasn’t the last time. Every time Sunoo got a short leave from his service, he’d find himself in between Geunyoung’s legs. And every time they’d meet, she would wear a skirt to goad him. It didn’t last long between them, of course, because she only wanted the momentary feeling of Sunoo inside her, but her romantic preference always swung the other way. It didn’t offend Sunoo then, and it doesn’t offend Sunoo now. But the memory of the soft cloth of her skirt on his skin lingers.

With Sunghoon’s question echoing in his mind, the memory becomes even more vivid. But instead of Geunyoung’s legs flashing behind his eyelids, he can’t help but imagine his own dripping beneath the fabric.

"Are you interested in making a purchase, sir?" The lady smiles at him sweetly, eager to make a sale to rack up her commissions. Sunoo looks at her briefly, then back at the blue pleated skirt displayed on the rack. The material is soft and definitely expensive, as he expected, but he’s not sure yet if it’s worth humoring Sunghoon’s wishes.

"Sunoo!" Jungwon calls. It was good enough to divert the lady’s focus on Sunoo, but he excuses himself properly and approaches his friend. Jungwon already has a pile of clothes slung over his arm. "Have you found anything interesting yet?"

"I have," Sunoo answers. He’s not in dire need of new clothes, but he likes expanding his wardrobe when he gets the chance. He’s already got a couple of coats and cargo pants that he’d like to buy.

Jay struts behind Jungwon and joins them not long after. His hair is slicked back, and the sleeves of his dark shirt are folded up to his elbows. He looks like he owns the place, well, because he does. "Hey. Now that you’re here, you should probably pick up some clothes for the party," he says. Then he turns to Sunoo. "You’re invited, too, of course. In fact, I’d appreciate it if you came and accompanied Jungwon."

Sunoo sighs. "Thank you for the invite, but I think I’ll pass for now. Don’t get me wrong, I like wearing suits and mingling with potential business partners, but I already had my fill after the charity gala."

"Oh, this isn’t a formal event," Jay clarifies. "Our fraternity is hosting a party to welcome our neophytes. Jungwon mentioned that he hadn’t been to this kind of party before, so I invited him." Sunoo looks over at Jungwon, who seems to have shrunken down in embarrassment. He could practically hear him begging for Sunoo to accompany him because it would be his first time consuming alcohol that’s not in a champagne flute, and also his first time actually enjoying himself with his peers instead of middle-aged men.

And though unspoken, Sunoo understands clearly why the invitation is extended to him. Jay doesn’t want Jungwon to feel uncomfortable in such a situation.

"Any dress codes or rules I have to know?" Sunoo nonchalantly asks Jay.

The latter shakes his head. "Aside from the invitations, you can mostly do whatever you want. It’d be a good chance to network too. Some students from other universities are invited as well."

"Alright then," Sunoo answers. He sees Jungwon practically glow at his acceptance.

For the next week, Jungwon had nothing but a smile on his face whenever they met. On his face, it was clear how excited he was about the party, yet he was still worried about some aspects of it.

"What should I wear?"

"Do you think my alcohol tolerance is shit?"

"Oh my God, what if I get drunk and embarrass myself in front of Jay-hyung?"

Sunoo rolls his eyes whenever he asks about all this nonsense. But he’s a kind friend, and he does his best to guide Jungwon. It’s the latter’s first college party—it’s Sunoo’s as well, but he already has enough experience with these types of parties—and it’d be nice to give him a good experience. Besides, if things work out in Jungwon’s favor, it might not just be his first college party. It could be a lot of his firsts too. With Jay, of course. But Sunoo doesn’t voice those thoughts out loud because Jungwon would surely blush and slap him hard on the arm in embarrassment.

Sunoo thinks he’s already desensitized to such topics. After all, he’s been with a lot of people already. Nothing really fazes him anymore, not even the skirt question from Sunghoon. Though he has to admit that he’s really thinking about it. It would be a new experience for him, and he thinks he’ll enjoy it. But he’s not sure if he wants to give Sunghoon that satisfaction.

Sunghoon’s already entertaining himself by riling Sunoo up in every bio class. He’d ask Sunoo to answer questions as if he were the only student there. He’d get really close to Sunoo’s body during labs. And even during their short quizzes, he’d distract Sunoo from across the room by staring and smirking at him. Sunoo feels guilty, somehow, when he texts Sunghoon twice that week, but then the guilt ebbs away along with his orgasms.

"Next week is midterms," Sunghoon thoughtlessly whispers against Sunoo’s skin after doing a number on his ass. Sunoo is still reeling from the way Sunghoon literally fucked him to the mattress.Sunghoon kisses Sunoo’s shoulder and places his chin on the flushed skin. "I might not be able to attend to you."

Sunoo snorts. "I’ll be busy too, so don’t worry. I won’t blow up your phone, not that I’ll ever do that. I’m not that desperate to get some release."

"Really?" Sunghoon challenges. Sunoo doesn’t bite the bait, but he finds himself being flipped over again on the bed. He groans and pushes against Sunghoon’s shoulder to put some distance between them. It doesn’t matter in the end, because Sunghoon kisses him on the neck and down his collarbones. "You won’t miss me at all?" He playfully pouts before holding Sunoo’s hand and kissing the back of his fingers one by one.

"You’re annoying, so no," Sunoo replies bluntly.

Sunghoon just smiles against his skin and places Sunoo’s palm on his cheek. "I’m gonna miss you making noises in my bed."

"Maybe you’re the one desperate for me?"

Sunghoon doesn’t answer. He just stares at Sunoo in that indescribable way that makes Sunoo’s blood run cold. He doesn’t want to admit it, but every time Sunghoon looks at him that way, Sunoo automatically knows that the older’s eyes will drop down to his lips next. And it does this time, prompting Sunoo to let his hand slip from Sunghoon’s grip. He doesn’t like that look on the latter’s face. He hopes he’s wrong about what it might be.

Sunoo eventually pushes himself off to gather his clothes on the floor. He dresses quickly, despite the shaking of his knees, and locates his bag on Sunghoon’s desk. He slings it over his shoulder and returns his gaze to Sunghoon, who is already lighting a cigarette in his lips.

"Are you ever going to quit smoking?" Sunoo asks. He doesn’t care. It was just out of curiosity. It’s not much of a hindrance to him anyway. He doesn’t smell cigarettes in Sunghoon’s breath when the latter kisses his body.

Sunghoon shrugs and exhales a long trail of smoke out of his mouth. "I might. But it’s not that bad. I only smoke when I’m stressed."

"You’re always stressed."

"Only when you’re here," Sunghoon quips. Sunoo can’t help but roll his eyes at the bite, but doesn’t think much about it.

Just like always, he leaves Sunghoon’s apartment, coughing away the scent of the smoke.

Jungwon has mixed feelings about the neon orange shirt and the chain necklaces that Sunoo layered on his neck. It’s not his style, and even Sunoo is aware of that, but he reasons that it’s how college kids dress up at frat parties. "You should step out of your comfort zone for once," Sunoo tells him while drawing a thick line of kohl on Jungwon’s eyes. The leather pants tie the whole look together, and Jungwon actually looks his age with the new clothes on.

Of course, Sunoo leaves out the fact that he made Jungwon wear that atrocious color to make him stand out more easily in the crowd. Parties like this one would be extremely dim in order to conceal all of the horny students making out in the corner and those snorting lines of cocaine on the side.Jungwon has a nonexistent alcohol tolerance, but Sunoo won’t deprive him of beer and vodka. He’s just going to mitigate the situation somehow.

"Is this you stepping out of your comfort zone as well?" Jungwon sarcastically notes as he tugs on the hem of Sunoo’s cropped shirt. It ends just above his navel, and the cargo pants he bought from Jay’s boutique hug his cinched waist perfectly. It’s not the first time he’s worn something provocative—by his standards, this isn’t even close to what he considers provocative—so, no. This is not him stepping out of his comfort zone. This is just him slipping into what he finds comfortable to wear at a college party where attractive people can feel him up more easily.

He’s got midterms next week, so this would be the last opportunity he could get before locking himself up in his dorm room to study.

"Oh, you look quite…" Jungwon’s mother hesitates when she sees the two of them. "Grown up?" Jungwon blushes profusely while Sunoo only laughs. Jungwon’s parents are quite strict when it comes to their only child, but Jay probably asked for their permission beforehand. Jungwon’s parents are in love with Jay just as much as Jungwon is, after all.

"Do your parents know that you’re coming?" Jungwon’s mom turns to Sunoo.

Sunoo purses his lips for a second before answering, "No." It doesn’t matter anyway. Even if they find out what he’s up to, they can’t really do anything about it once it’s done. If anything, his mom would even encourage it, saying that it would be a good opportunity to meet a potential boyfriend. A potential business deal. Of course, Sunoo doesn’t want to see it that way. He doesn’t want to ruin fun parties for himself.

Their Uber arrives, and Jungwon’s mom kisses his cheeks like he’s going to school for the first time and not to a frat party. She tells him, "Have fun, darling. And say hi to Jay for me." Sunoo promises to take care of Jungwon even though Mrs. Yang didn’t require it of him. Her smile tells him that she’s grateful, though.

On the way to the party, Jungwon holds Sunoo’s hand tightly and lays his head on his shoulder, much like when they were kids. Jungwon has always been a worrywart, and Sunoo has always been the one to reassure him that things will be alright, even though he’s not so sure himself. "This is dumb to say, but I want to kiss Jay-hyung."

"It’s not dumb, Jungwon. I know you like him," Sunoo whispers back.

Jungwon sighs loudly. "I don’t think I can initiate it, though. So I plan to get drunk and just do it."

Sunoo chuckles. Jungwon still sounds like a kid with juvenile wishes. He wants to tell Jungwon that that’s a terrible idea and that getting drunk will only make it worse for them, but he doesn’t. Jungwon is allowed to make his own mistakes. And who knows? Maybe it will turn out better than expected. Sunoo just has to make sure that he’s sober enough to make sure that Jungwon is still safe. He trusts that Jay won’t take advantage of his friend, but Jay is still a guy at the end of the day.

"Just enjoy yourself, Jungwon," Sunoo ends up saying.

The frat house was bustling with people and music once they arrived. Sunoo hears Jungwon gulp loudly before walking to the porch where a frat member is checking invitations. Jungwon hands him two invitations and waits for the guy to let them in. "Oh, Jay’s babe," the guy says with a mischievous smirk. He looks at a blushing Jungwon and adds, "You do look like a cat."

"Thanks," Jungwon replies, making Sunoo snort at how ridiculous the exchange was.

The sound he made caught the guy’s attention and he eyed Sunoo from head to toe, particularly focusing on the exposed skin of his stomach. Sunoo doesn’t mind the attention. He wore this outfit for it. "Alcohol’s in the kitchen. First and second floors are open to all. Third floor’s restricted." Sunoo nods while taking back the stamped invites. "Enjoy." The guy winks before opening the floor and letting them in.

The party was just as Sunoo expected: loud, crowded, and reeking of alcohol. The music makes the blood in his veins thrum with excitement. It’s been so long since he’s attended a soiree like this. He craves the bitterness of cheap alcohol and the tang of lime after a shot of vodka. And the feel of a stranger’s body against him... Well, he doesn’t miss it that much with his constant rendezvous with Sunghoon, but he’d be welcome to new palms bruising his skin tonight.

"Let me find Jay-hyung first!" Jungwon shouts in his ear, but his voice still gets drowned out by the music. Sunoo nods and tells him that he’ll get them drinks. "Okay, we’ll meet you there."

They parted ways in the meantime. Sunoo takes his time scouring the first floor of the frat house. It’s quite minimalist, with cream walls that now appear to be shades of purple and blue because of the lights. The furniture is sleek and modern, Sunoo thinks, if it weren’t for the couples feeling each other up against the leather. There were cabinets full of medals and shiny trophies bagged by previous members. And there was a huge wall dedicated to its distinguished members. Sunoo spots Jay’s portrait in one of the frames, but doesn’t have a clue about what’s printed underneath. He doesn’t move to find out. Instead, he continues his way to the kitchen, where the alcohol is located.

A girl with purple hair mans the bar, ironically. She’s wearing a black tank top with a large white skull painted on the front. Her ears are riddled with piercings. Her eyeliner is so thick, it almost looks like eyeshadow. "What can I get you?" she asks Sunoo with a smile. He doesn’t miss the way she looks down on his stomach.

"Just two beers," he answers, while running his fingers through his hair.

She nods and procures two red Solo cups before filling them from the keg. "Here ya go." She hands them to him before wiping down her station. She leans on the counter and quirks her head to the side. "Where are you from? I haven’t seen you here before?"

Sunoo wipes the foam off his face before answering. "Seoul National," he says. "I just got invited by my friend’s fiance."

"Oh, Jay? You’re friends with the kitty guy?"

That was the second time he’d heard Jungwon being referred to as a cat that night. He can’t help but raise an eyebrow in confusion and amusement. "Kitty guy?"

"Yeah. Jay’s been talking about his fiance, who looks like a cat. He refers to him as "Kitty" when he’s tipsy. I actually can’t wait to meet him because Jay’s been talking about him nonstop."

Sunoo takes a sip from his cup, finding this new information interesting. He doesn’t think Jay sees Jungwon beyond the agreement orchestrated by their parents, but he might be wrong. He doesn’t know Jay all that much, after all. He should probably hold this off from Jungwon. It might get his hopes up, and Sunoo wants that to be the last thing he’s doing. It’d be terrible if Jay crushes his expectations. Jungwon doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t have to be another victim of uncertain probabilities like Sunoo once was.

While waiting for Jungwon and Jay to arrive at the designated bar, Sunoo continues to chat with the girl—Hyuna—and learns that his boyfriend is the fraternity’s vice president, hence her constant presence at the house. Jay is their designated treasurer, who’s most probably going to be the president in the next year, according to her observations.

He was halfway through with his cup when he caught something in the corner of his eyes. A couple were leaning on one of the walls adjacent to the kitchen. The girl was laughing about something that the guy whispered in her ear. She’s pretty, with soft curls falling down her shoulders and stopping right below her chest. But she’s not the one who made Sunoo’s stomach feel queasy. It’s the guy beside her. The spot where they are is quite dim, so Sunoo can’t make out the guy’s face. He does note the guy’s blonde hair that looked almost silver.

There was something familiar about him that Sunoo couldn’t quite put his finger on. Perhaps his stance? Or the way he holds the cup? He really can’t tell, but it makes him feel strange.

However, he doesn’t ponder much over it since Jungwon and Jay finally enter the kitchen. Jay has his arm around Jungwon’s shoulders as they walk. The huge smile on Jungwon’s face was not hard to miss. Sunoo hands Jungwon his cup. "Took you long enough."

"Sorry, it was my fault," Jay interjects. "I introduced him to some of my friends." He’s a lot more relaxed than when Sunoo first met him at the gala. Perhaps it’s because there wasn’t really anyone to impress in this type of setting. There were no hands to shake to make business deals with. There were no parents to appease. There is just alcohol and people who won’t question your background before starting a conversation with you.

Jay introduces Jungwon to Hyuna. She pinches Jungwon’s cheek and tells him to have fun. "And you’ve already met Kim Sunoo, of course," Jay gestures to Sunoo. "They’ve been best friends since forever, or so I heard."

"Yeah," Jungwon supplies, behind his own solo cup. "We’re family friends. I’m actually surprised that our parents didn’t arrange for us to be married." Hyuna and Jay laugh in unison, but Sunoo notices the way Jay’s hand pulls Jungwon closer to him in a sort of protective manner, but that might be a trick of the light and alcohol. Instead, he rolls his eyes at Jungwon’s joke, thinking that it’d be weird for their parents to enter into that kind of agreement. He and Jungwon are like brothers.

Suddenly, a guy with silver-blonde hair—the one Sunoo was eyeing a while ago—joins them at the bar and asks Hyuna for a refill. Sunoo’s heart drops to his ass when he realizes that it was Sunghoon all along. No wonder he seemed so familiar. But what the fuck was he doing at that party?

Sunghoon looks at him straight on and smirks while waiting for his cup to be filled. Sunoo averts his gaze and ignores his presence until Jay pulls Sunghoon closer to them.

"Oh, guys, this is my high school friend, Park Sunghoon."

"Hey," Sunoo hears Sunghoon say.

"He goes to Seoul National as well. Are you guys acquainted already?"

"No," Sunoo realizes, blurting out. When he finally looks at Sunghoon, he sees the latter smirking with his dimples showing up on his cheeks.

Jay scratches his head and introduces Jungwon and Sunoo to him. "Actually, I already know Sunoo," Sunghoon counters instead, making Sunoo even more nervous. If he spills the beans about the kind of relationship that they have, Sunoo will end him. And by the looks of his gaze, Sunghoon is challenging him. "At the charity gala a few weeks ago, Dr. Soo and his father introduced us."

"R-right," Sunoo stutters out, chasing away the memory of what happened after that. "The gala."

Luckily, Sunghoon doesn’t stay long after that. He excuses himself and goes back to the girl he’s been talking to since earlier. His eyes glisten in the dark when he looks back at Sunoo. Sunoo feels conflicted after that. He doesn’t want Sunghoon to stay and potentially reveal what they’ve been up to after classes. But he also feels a bit annoyed at being exchanged for some girl’s attention. It’s petty, he thinks. He shouldn’t beg for Park Sunghoon’s attention, not when there are a lot of other people that could keep him occupied. So when Jay invites them to a game of beer pong, Sunoo accepts only to keep Sunghoon out of his sight and out of his mind.

The game was held at the very back of the house, just by the glass doors that separate the interior from the pool. A table is pushed up against a wall, and red Solo cups are already placed on the surface. The keg beside the installment makes it easier for the cups to be refilled. The clacking sound of the ping pong balls was satisfying to hear, but they were drowned out by all the cheers and music as well.

Someone from the crowd pushes the drunk players off to the side. A girl with flaming red hair hands the intoxicated losers a cup of water to shake off their dizziness to some extent. By the looks of their flushed cheeks, Sunoo thinks that it will take a while before they come to their senses.

"I don’t know how to play," Jungwon says. Sunoo is not sure whether the question was directed at him or to Jay, but the latter takes it upon himself to explain. In the process of letting Jungwon know the rules, somehow, Sunoo finds Jay’s hand perched lightly on Jungwon’s waist. When he looks up, he sees Jungwon’s face visibly going blank. There was no doubt that his focus was entirely on that single hand on his side. Sunoo suppresses a laugh and instead lightly pushes Jungwon toward Jay’s direction as the latter positions himself at one end of the table.

"Couples round?" Jay calls out. By then, Sunoo supposes that Jungwon’s heart has already stilled.

"Sure!" one of the guys replied from the crowd. He walks forward to the other end of the table. He looked rather pale, and it was highlighted by his bleached hair and bleached brows that looked almost nonexistent. He has a lanky frame, and his jaw is so sharp, it could cut through paper. The guy’s eyes also droop downward, like he’s drunk, bored, or both. And Sunoo finds that despite his features being sort of unusual on their own, he looks quite attractive in a rugged kind of way altogether. Beside him, Hyuna joins. That’s probably Dawn, Sunoo figures. Hyuna’s boyfriend and the frat’s vice president.

Jay smirks and takes a jab at Dawn, saying that he’ll beat his ass. Dawn chuckles lightly and only gives him a wink. "If I win, I take your pet kitty," he nods toward Jungwon, who is a blushing mess.

The spectators roar with laughter. Hyuna slaps her boyfriend on the shoulder even though she’s laughing herself. Jay chuckles and puts an arm around Jungwon. "That is, if you win!"

Jay makes the first shot and perfectly lands the ball on the single cup of the triangle. Dawn quirks a brow and takes a sip. Dawn’s next shot mirrors Jay’s, and so the latter downs that cup as well. When Jungwon tries to land a shot, he misses, making the crowd cheer in favor of Dawn and Hyuna. Hyuna’s shot was perfect, so Jungwon had no choice but to empty a cup.

The game goes on for a while, both teams nearly on par with each other, Sunoo guesses because of experience. Who knows how many parties they’ve hosted and been to to perfectly land shots like it’s second nature. 

Jungwon eventually gets the hang of it and makes Hyuna drink twice in a row. At Dawn’s sixth shot, his first missed shot, someone sidles up beside Sunoo.

"Enjoying yourself?"

Sunoo’s tactic was to ignore Sunghoon altogether, but since when did that become effective? He takes a sip from his own solo cup, relishes in the bitterness of the beer, and lets it burn through his throat before answering with a simple, "Yes." Sunghoon snorts beside him, probably finding him irritating for making him wait with such a lukewarm response.

"I take it your friend doesn’t know about our… affairs ?"

"I don’t particularly like running my mouth about sleeping with my TA, especially when I know the repercussions of it," Sunoo bluntly says. He likes to think that the alcohol loosens his otherwise zipped mouth, but that’s just an excuse. He’s nowhere near tipsy.

"Ah, I see." Sunghoon’s hand drops on Sunoo’s waist, careful to land it where the cloth of his cargo pants is situated instead of copping a feel of his exposed skin. Nevertheless, it startles Sunoo slightly, but he hides it behind another sip.

Jungwon misses a shot and pouts, a sign that he’s slowly getting affected by the alcohol, but Jay doesn’t seem to notice it and instead cheers him on. "You can get the next one," Sunoo hears him shout.

Meanwhile, Sunghoon’s thumb is starting to draw circles against Sunoo’s side, and he’s subtly drawing Sunoo into his warmth as well. Sunoo doesn’t mind. He doesn’t think anyone here knows them. And if Jungwon notices, he’ll just make an excuse later on. So far, his mood hasn't been dampened yet. The music and lights are nice. The game is fun. The beer tastes good. And Sunghoon’s hand isn’t too bothersome.

Jay takes the cup from Jungwon and drinks it instead.

"Your friend’s a gentleman," Sunoo remarks. "So different from how you are. I wonder how the two of you got along."

Sunghoon snorts and grips him a bit tighter. "Hey, I’m a gentleman, too." Sunoo quirks a brow without looking at him. "For instance…" Sunghoon leans closer and whispers in his ear. His breath tickles Sunoo when he says, "...I am being patient right now, even though I would love nothing but to rip your clothes off and have my way with you."

That snaps Sunoo’s eyes to his. They stare at each other, their faces close enough to feel each other’s warm beer-addled breaths. Sunoo’s eyes are twice their usual size as he looks at Sunghoon, who is only sporting a mischievous grin.

"This crop top," Sunghoon continues. "It’s a work of the devil." Then he slides his hand down to Sunoo’s ass to give it a rather hard squeeze. Sunoo looks behind them to check if someone is watching, but they are all too focused on the game that Hyuna and Dawn are winning.

Despite that, Sunoo pushes off of Sunghoon and creates some distance between them, even though their elbows are still touching.

Hyuna and Dawn kiss when they win the round, but Jay calls for a rematch. Jungwon chuckles shyly beside him but promises to do better this round.

"Hey, did you know that the second floor is also accessible?" Sunghoon asks, out of the blue. He doesn’t wait for Sunoo to respond. "It’s much quieter up there. Can give you the privacy that you need if ever you need a time out." And then, he was off. He takes a sideways glance at Sunoo before heading somewhere back in the dancing crowd and away from the beer pong game.

It was a challenge. How was it not? Sunghoon loved challenging him. That first time, outside the restaurant with his letterman jacket on. That one time during the gala while his parents were just outside at the auction. Another time at the library, when they were almost caught.

And now, here, at a frat party where his best friend is currently distracted by a drinking game.

Sunghoon is just lucky that Sunoo loves challenges as well.

Sunoo wonders how long it will take before Jungwon realizes that he’s gone. But he didn’t want to worry Jungwon. So, he goes over to Jungwon while they are setting up the cups for the next game. "I’ll go for a moment. Gonna dance and meet new people," he says. Jungwon’s glazed eyes look at him without suspicion. "Okay. Just come back here. Or text me if you lose me."

Sunoo also talks to Jay in a quieter voice. "Please take care of him. He’s kind of a lightweight, so…"

Jay nods. "It’s okay. Don’t worry. I’ll take his drinks and I won’t do any funny business." Sunoo sighs a breath of relief and nods as well. Somehow, he knows that he can trust Jay’s words. He’s not a hundred percent sure how he feels about the guy and the whole arranged marriage thing, but in the moment, when Jay makes a promise to him, he takes it.

Sunoo gulps down the rest of his alcohol before making a detour to the kitchen. A new girl with bright purple lipstick handles the drink in Hyuna’s absence. He asks for a shot of whiskey and then a beer after that before deciding that he’s really not too drunk to deal with Sunghoon’s bullshit, but he thinks it’s better that way. Being sober means making fewer errors. But he still finishes the beer and makes Sunghoon wait.

He shakes his hands and heads to the stairs that lead to the second floor. There were four hallways on the second floor, each with four rooms, with the chandelier at the intersection. There were some people talking there, or flirting rather. But Sunghoon was right; it was much more peaceful here. The music isn’t too loud, and the guests just want to ease their way in to whatever they want to do in one of the rooms.

Sunoo knows that Sunghoon is here somewhere, in the hallways, in one of the rooms. It’s part of the challenge to find him. He wants Sunoo to do the embarrassing labor of going through the rooms one by one and hoping for the best. Sunoo sure as hell won’t do such a thing. He doesn’t want to accidentally walk in on people, or at the very least, interrupt them and create an awkward atmosphere on the other side of the door.

"Looking for someone?" A guy with a blunt between his fingers asks him. Sunoo has never been fond of the smell of weed.

"Yeah, actually," Sunoo admits. This part is embarrassing, too. Damn you, Park Sunghoon. If it weren’t for the certainty that he was going to arrange Sunoo’s guts in the most delicious way, Sunoo wouldn’t have subjected himself to this. "Tall guy with silver blonde hair. Has an annoying face."

The other guy laughs and takes a hit. "Not so annoying if you’re looking for him, then."

"I suppose you’re right."

The guy smiles and nods in the right hallway. "Last room, I think."

Sunoo takes a peek and sees a door to the right that was left open. Orange lights were streaming out of the room. He turns to the weed guy and says thanks before making his way to the room.

Sure enough, Sunghoon was there with a cigarette in his mouth while sitting languidly at the foot of the bed. He supports himself with one arm behind his back, while the other pinches the cigarette between his fingers. His eyes perk up when he sees Sunoo enter. Sunoo scrunches his face when he smells the cigarette smoke.

"Took you long enough," he remarks.

"I don’t think you’re allowed to smoke in here," Sunoo counters while closing the door behind him, making sure that it’s locked this time because he’s not taking any chances again. As exciting as it sounds, he knows it’s going to be mortifying to be caught by someone in the middle of having his back blown. It’s bad enough to be caught by a stranger, but there’s a very likely possibility of traumatizing Jungwon or Jay as well.

Sunghoon shrugs and stamps the small butt of his cigarette on a small tin box. A portable ashtray of sorts. He puts the box inside the pocket of his jacket, and Sunoo watches him do so. That’s when Sunoo realized the print on his shirt.

Hotter than your ex. Better than your next.

He can’t help but snort.

"What’s so funny?" Sunghoon asks, with an amused smile on his face.

"Your shirt. It’s tacky."

Sunghoon pulls his jacket open, looks down, then shrugs. "It’s true, though." Sunoo rolls his eyes while Sunghoon bites his lips as he gives Sunoo a very slow and very thorough once over. "Come here," he says.

Sunoo quirks a brow, but obliges. Instead of taking a seat beside Sunghoon, however, he settles himself on Sunghoon’s lap and winds his arms around Sunghoon’s neck while the latter finally places his warm hands on Sunoo’s exposed skin. He grips Sunoo tight enough to make Sunoo groan.

"What were you thinking of when you chose this outfit, huh?" Sunghoon asks with a teasing lilt in his voice, like he’s scolding a kid or something. His hands move back down on Sunoo’s thighs to pull him much closer to him until their crotches rub. His growing erection is apparent, and Sunoo takes an opportunity to press down firmly, making Sunghoon hiss through his teeth. Sunoo giggles. "You’re a vision," Sunghoon adds as he palms Sunoo’s behind this time, following it up with an open-mouthed kiss on Sunoo’s neck.

"One thing’s for sure, I wasn’t thinking about you," Sunoo bites. His fingers find purchase on Sunghoon’s freshly bleached hair, pulling at it lightly. "I didn’t know you were going to be at this party."

"Ah, then, if I weren’t here, you’d let some other guy fuck you?"

Sunoo snorts and rolls his eyes in disbelief. "Don’t act like you’re not going to fuck some other person if I weren’t here, either." The image of the girl Sunghoon was talking to earlier flashes in his mind. She was pretty, an easy target for Sunghoon. "I don’t mind, though. We’re not exclusive. You can have sex with anyone you like."

"Yes, well, I’m not," Sunghoon murmurs against his skin.

Sunghoon continues to kiss Sunoo’s neck, leaving marks that Sunoo hopes will fade after a short time because he can’t be bothered with covering them up with makeup. Sunoo does the same, biting on Sunghoon’s earlobe as they rub their crotches together. Sunoo presses down, and Sunghoon meets him halfway. The warmth of Sunghoon’s hands trails down from his back to his exposed back and even further to his ass, which Sunghoon squeezes once more. They keep humping, moaning, and whining despite the layers of clothes between them.

By the time they looked directly at each other, Sunoo could see how dazed Sunghoon looked, and he could imagine that he looked the same. "You’re so pretty," Sunghoon lulls.

Sunoo chuckles despite himself and says, "You always say that."

"You’re always pretty." He pecks Sunoo on the cheek before pressing his forehead against Sunoo’s shoulder, bouncing Sunoo on his lap. Sunoo claws at Sunghoon’s shoulder and suppresses a desperate cry at the compliment. He’s such a slut for praise and he needs to keep some sense of self-preservation, he realizes.

"Why change your hair?" Sunoo changes the subject, letting Sunghoon resurface and smile at him.

"I was just bored. Thought I needed a change."

Sunoo bites his lips. "It looks good on you. Makes you look sexy."

"Yeah?" Sunoo nods. Somehow, Sunghoon takes it as his cue to reach under Sunoo’s shirt to thumb at his sensitive nipples. Sunoo quakes and closes his eyes at the new sensation, prompting his hips to roll down faster. "Imagine me wearing that letterman jacket that you like," he says. Sunoo conjures the picture in his mind, gripping Sunghoon’s hair tighter in the process. "You like that, huh?"

"Sunghoon." Sunoo’s voice wavers when he speaks. It’s pathetic even to his ears. But he couldn’t do anything about it, not when Sunghoon now has his mouth latched on his chest. "Take this off." He feels Sunghoon's smile against his skin as he slides Sunghoon’s jacket off of his shoulders. Sunoo holds onto Sunghoon’s shoulders, finding his balance. But Sunghoon suddenly stands up, carrying Sunoo up in the process. His legs are around Sunghoon’s waist, reminiscent of their position back at the library. Sunghoon kisses him on the neck again and looks at him.

He smiles up at Sunoo sweetly, a great contrast to their debauchery, but it makes Sunoo’s stomach churn in a way that he doesn’t quite appreciate. It’s warm and it feels nice, but it also feels… wrong. Like he shouldn’t be feeling it at all. Sunoo frowns and waits for Sunghoon to place him slowly on the bed. Sunghoon was too gentle that it almost gave him whiplash. It shouldn’t be like this, he thinks. Finesse has no room at a frat party, and tenderness definitely has no place between fuckbuddies who aren’t even supposed to be doing what they’re doing.

Sunghoon kisses him on the cheek once and then moves to the other one before whispering, "You okay?"

"Yeah," Sunoo half-sighs when Sunghoon presses on him again, his hands moving up to his chest once more. He rolls Sunoo’s nipples in his thumb while rolling his hips in tandem with Sunoo, making them groan at the edging pleasure.

After doing a number on Sunoo’s chest, Sunghoon gives it a final squeeze before trailing kisses down his ribs, leaving marks all the way to his navel, which he licks as well. Sunoo arches his back and squeezes his thighs at the feeling of Sunghoon’s warm tongue in his belly button. Sunoo thinks he’s a patient person, but Sunghoon is always testing him, making him unlearn the things he thought he perfectly understood.

Sunghoon takes his time to pepper soft kisses on his belly, pinching and biting on the softer spots that Sunoo never liked. Yet Sunghoon whispers, "You’re perfect. Everything about you is perfect." And though it must be induced by sex, Sunoo feels a little less shit about his imperfections.

It doesn’t take long before Sunghoon finds his way down to unbuckle Sunoo’s belt. The jingling of the belt buckle was followed quickly by the zipper being unzipped. Sunghoon dives down to kiss the sensitive spot below Sunoo’s navel and continues down until his lips touch the tight garter of Sunoo’s boxers. He pushes up slightly and takes it in between his fingers, loudly snapping it back against Sunoo’s sensitive skin.

Sunoo groans and claws at Sunghoon’s shoulder. "Asshole," he says flatly. They both chuckle, and Sunghoon kisses his cheek again.

"I’m gonna take these off now," Sunghoon whispers. Sunoo nods to give him the go signal and raises his hips slightly to let Sunghoon take his bottoms off without a hitch. Sunghoon does it in one quick pull, leaving him naked aside from his cropped shirt and shoes. Sunghoon doesn’t take his shoes off for some reason, and takes his place again between Sunoo’s legs.

"My shoes," Sunoo tries to point out, but the rest of his words die down in his throat when Sunghoon palms on his creamy thighs, too close yet not close enough where Sunoo wants him to be.

Sunghoon sinks lower on his elbows and brushes his lips against the inside of Sunoo’s thighs before kissing and biting bruises as he makes his way to Sunoo’s length. He looks up with mischief in his eyes and smirks deviously at Sunoo, intimidating him. Sunoo holds his breath and closes his eyes when Sunghoon takes him in his mouth. The pressure of Sunghoon’s puckered lips against his head was so ecstatic that he couldn’t help but cross his legs around Sunghoon’s back to steady himself. His hands find purchase on Sunghoon’s hair. "Oh, Sunghoon. Your mouth…" His other hand grasps the bed sheets underneath him, desperate to find his release.

But it was too early for that. And knowing Sunghoon, he doesn’t do a half-assed job. He always takes his time with Sunoo. He marks every inch of him, and he always leaves Sunoo satisfied at best, barely walking the next morning at worst.

Sunghoon’s tongue licks a long stripe from the base of Sunoo’s dick and up to his head before giving it a final suck. "You like that?" He takes his mouth down Sunoo’s scrotum next, playing with them as well with his hand. "You have to tell me if you like it."

"I like it," Sunoo says, his voice shaking like a wuss. "Sunghoon… Ahh…" He loses his train of thought when Sunghoon licks down the crack of his ass, circling his hole with his wet and warm tongue. Sunoo bites his lips and moans. Aside from the actual penetration, he likes this part the best. Sunghoon is good with his mouth and he seems to like Sunoo’s ass, so it’s a win-win situation for them. Sunoo chances a look downwards and sees Sunghoon’s eyes shut with his eyebrows slightly drawn together. His thick lashes look pretty against his pale skin, and the way he concentrates looks so hot. Sunoo didn’t think it was possible, but he got even harder.

"Ah!" Sunoo cries out when Sunghoon prods his tongue in, licking Sunoo’s walls with expertise. He already knows the spots that tickle Sunoo and the places that send electricity down his spine. When he cracks an eye open, he looks at Sunoo’s helpless gaze and smiles, pushing his tongue even deeper. "Oh, God," squeaks, holding onto the sheets and Sunghoon’s hair to ground himself. "Sunghoon, just fuck me."

Sunghoon lets up and bites Sunoo’s thigh. "Say the magic word," he teases. Sunoo whines and pouts petulantly, prompting Sunghoon to laugh. "Alright, alright. Baby’s impatient today," he comments, before pulling himself up to place a peck on the side of Sunoo’s jaw.

Sunoo scrunches his face. "I’m not your baby."

"Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that."

Sunoo doesn’t understand what the older means, and before he could form some sort of rebuttal in his waist, he immediately gets distracted by the familiar packets that Sunghoon procures from his wallet. A condom and two packets of lube. Sunoo snorts and catches them before they land on the spot beside his head. "Are you a fucking boy scout?" Sunoo asks. Sunghoon has this special ability to retrieve condoms and lube out of thin air or something.

He examines the packets while Sunghoon takes his clothes off above him. Sunghoon is fond of the ultra-thin types, the ones that almost feel like nothing. Sunoo likes the feel of it too. The other guys that he’s been with prefer textured condoms that only feel uncomfortable inside him. The lube is still the same strawberry-flavored one that Sunoo uses as well. It’s familiar, constant, and comfortable. So far, Sunoo doesn’t want to change any of those elements yet.

When he looks at Sunghoon again, the latter is already taking off his shoes hastily. He’s already completely nude, save for the necklace with a ring pendant swinging from his neck. Sunoo reaches up and places his palm on Sunghoon’s chest, feeling his quick heartbeats beneath the skin. Then he trails his fingers down Sunghoon’s toned muscles and tiny waist, emphasizing his athletic build.

"I’ve always wondered what kind of sports you play," Sunoo muses. "You got a varsity jacket and your body looks fit. Is it football, by any chance?"

Sunghoon snorts but shakes his head. "Swimming, actually," he supplies. Sunoo nods and imagines Sunghoon diving into clear blue water. He must be a fast swimmer if he competes for the university. He must look sexy with Speedos on, so he makes a mental note to request it from Sunghoon next time.

"Hmm… What are you thinking about? You’re smiling like a maniac," Sunghoon jokes while pushing his hair back. His dick is hard and heavy against his stomach, exciting Sunoo for what’s to come. Or rather, who.

"Just you in Speedos," Sunoo admits. Sunghoon laughs and attempts to lean down, but Sunoo stops him with a hand on his chest and says, "Let me put this on you." He shakes the packet of condom and waits for Sunghoon to give him permission. When the latter nods, he doesn’t waste any time and holds Sunghoon’s length in his hand. Sunghoon hisses when Sunoo thumbs at his head.

Sunoo rips the packet open, careful not to rip the latex inside, and pinches the small pocket on top. He puts it on Sunghoon, rolling the condom down to the base, and then jerks him off languidly. He twists his wrist and lightly tugs at Sunghoon’s dick. "Ah, baby…" Sunghoon moans while meeting his downstrokes halfway. "Fuck."

The spontaneous handjob doesn’t last long, because Sunghoon takes Sunoo’s hand off of him, lacing their fingers together before leaning in and kissing his neck once again. Sunoo thinks that if he weren’t constrained to do so, he would have kissed Sunoo already. But Sunghoon respects his boundaries still and always goes for his neck instead.

His stomach churns indescribably as well.

"I’m really gonna be busy for the next two weeks because of midterms," Sunghoon suddenly whispers to Sunoo. "Is it okay if I go a little bit rough tonight?"

"Shit, Sunghoon," Sunoo moans. Why the fuck would Sunghoon ask him that? It just makes him anticipate more. "I’ll be busy, too. So, just… Yeah. Do your thing."

Something in Sunghoon snaps when Sunoo gives him permission. His eyes darkened, and he practically growled as he made his way back in between Sunoo’s legs. He grabs the packet of lube and opens it with his teeth. The strawberry scent fills the air, and Sunoo feels the cool liquid drip down on his skin. He shivers when Sunghoon spreads it along the dip of his ass with his fingers. "You’re so cute, damn." Then he shoves two fingers inside Sunoo immediately.

Sunoo whines at the pain and pleasure that mix in between his legs. The gentle and sweet Sunghoon is nowhere to be found now. There’s just Park Sunghoon, the maniac who seems to be addicted to making him feel absolutely nuts. Sunoo could see his own dick bounce against his stomach at how fast Sunghoon fingered him. His back arches and his jaw slackens lazily, a broken cry sitting in his throat.

Two fingers quickly become three until Sunghoon takes them off when he deems Sunoo loose enough to take him. He roughly says, "I’m gonna fuck you now," and Sunoo doesn’t even get the chance to respond when Sunghoon spreads his legs wide open, his shoes up in the air. He holds one of Sunghoon’s wrists and inhales deeply when Sunghoon pushes in. It hurt a bit, but he couldn’t wait for more.

"Hoon!" Sunoo exclaims when Sunghoon bottoms out. Everything feels intense, like it’s too much while simultaneously feeling like it's barely enough. The bed creaks when Sunghoon presses in, and they both groan at the pressure. "Fuck, please…" Sunoo doesn't even know what he’s begging Sunghoon to do. He just wants Sunghoon to do something . Pull him apart, maybe, then put him back together? He doesn’t know. But he needs to do something or he;ll go fucking insane.

"Baby, I really can’t get enough of you," Sunghoon confesses as he leans down to his elbows, his arms caging Sunoo’s head while the latter’s legs cage his torso. He thrusts gently a couple of times, making Sunoo squeeze his eyes shut in pleasure. "Mm… Baby, does it feel good?"

Sunoo whines, hoping Sunghoon understands that it’s a yes. It feels good, like his insides are being rearranged in the most delicious way, just as he likes. Sunghoon returns to his chest, palming his pecs and pinching his nipples while biting and sucking at his neck. The thrusts didn’t stop, and Sunoo wished they wouldn’t. The swinging pendant on his neck looks hypnotizing, Sunoo thinks. It feels like he’s on cloud nine or sex heaven. Only that, instead of an angel, the Devil himself is fucking him senseless.

Sunghoon leans back and pushes Sunoo’s legs back. "Hold your legs up," he commands. His show of dominance turns Sunoo on because he rarely shows this side of him. It’s a nice surprise. So, despite his shaking fingers, Sunoo puts his hands behind his knees and pulls his legs up, almost touching his ears. Sunghoon is quick to react, putting his hands on Sunoo’s cinched waist and then picking up an unforgiving pace that lets the headboard of the bed slam against the wall.

"Fuuuck…" Sunghoon agitatedly draws on as he rams harshly inside Sunoo. The younger grows weaker by the minute. The filter in his brain that should be shouting "Shut up!" at him has completely shut down, and he’s now practically wailing. He knows he’s reacting too loudly, but he hopes the music downstairs is loud enough to drown his screams out, or that the inhabitants of the other rooms are understanding enough that getting dicked down like this is a life-changing experience.

A steady stream of tears escapes from Sunoo’s eyes, and he sniffles. Sunghoon’s eyes snapped up to meet his. Their darkened look fades and is replaced by concern. He stops his thrusts abruptly, which is all the more reason for Sunoo to cry out. "Hey, you okay? Is this too much?"

"N-no…" Sunoo manages to say. "Don’t stop, Sunghoon. Please." He sees Sunghoon’s Adam’s apple bob as he gulps, but the latter nods and resumes his thrusts, albeit slower this time. He leans forward and wipes Sunoo’s tears away, kissing his cheeks afterwards. It was all too tender again, and it scared Sunoo in some way. So, he whines, "Not like that! Harder!"

"Alright, alright," Sunghoon placates. But he slides Sunoo’s hands off of his legs and pulls out suddenly. Sunoo was so close to weeping again, until Sunghoon’s strong hands grabbed him by the waist and flipped his body around without warning. His stomach hits the mattress, and he gasps at the sudden change in position. "You like this, huh? You like being treated like a slut, baby?"

Sunoo opens his mouth to protest, but all that comes out of his mouth is a broken moan, and Sunghoon is already pulling his hips up until his knees support the bottom half of his body. "Get up," Sunghoon demands. He slowly pushes himself up until he’s on all fours. He finds it hard to breathe, but the tightness in his chest is also pleasurable in some ways. It’s like being choked, he thinks.

Sunghoon gives him a few seconds to recover. He leans against Sunoo’s back and places kisses down to the dips of his waist. But the hard slap on his ass cheek that follows rips a harsh cry from his throat. His traitorous body makes him leak precum. "So pretty," he hears Sunghoon murmur to himself. Sunghoon slaps the other cheek before grabbing both globes in his hands and squeezing them tightly until they’re red as apples. "God, I’m going to fucking cum just by looking at you."

"Sunghoon…" Sunoo whines once more. Sunghoon’s length is back in him again, and he fucks Sunoo roughly enough that they’re both sure Sunoo is not going to be able to walk tomorrow. That’s bad news for Sunoo because he needs to get Jungwon home tonight, which reminds him that he needs to get back downstairs after this. "Let me come," Sunoo begs. "Please."

"Uh-huh." They both grab the headboard as they fuck. There were a few more bruising bites left on Sunoo’s shoulder, and some more bruising marks on his waist. Sunoo grips Sunghoon’s hand like a vice to ground himself, even though his mind and body are already somewhere else. The sensations and the fire that they’re bathed in become too much to bear, so when Sunoo hears Sunghoon speak a litany of curses, he’s both disappointed and relieved that this is going to end.

"Baby, I’m so close, fuck," Sunghoon curses. "You feel so good, so tight and wet for me."

"Sunghoon…" Sunoo groans. "So good. Fuck. I’m gonna cum," he confesses. "Please let me." His tears stain the pillow underneath him, but he doesn’t care. He feels Sunghoon reach over to the dresser beside the bed to grab a box of tissues. He hears a couple being pulled out before he feels the soft texture of the paper covering the head of this dick. "Ah! Sunghoon it’s too much!" he exclaims. But Sunghoon doesn’t pause from fucking him. Instead, he adds another sensation to the mix by playing with Sunoo’s head with the tissues. He lets the texture of the tissue and the lines of his palm graze the sensitive surface.

And then, all at once, Sunoo collapses as he releases. Sunghoon didn’t get the chance to catch him, but he doesn’t mind because the pillows are soft even though they’re wet with his tears and sweat. His toes curl inside his shoes, and he realizes that he still has the chunky sneakers on. Sunghoon follows his climax and thrusts shallowly as he rides out his orgasm. It hurts a bit, and Sunoo voices his discomfort. So, Sunghoon pulls out and collapses with him on the side.

"Fuck, baby," Sunghoon says breathlessly. "I thought I was saving up for the next two weeks, but I think I’ll miss it more." Sunoo laughs against the pillows, then turns his head to witness his own effect on Sunghoon.

His hair points in every direction; some are even stuck to his forehead because of sweat. His usually pale skin is now flushed red. His chest was rising and falling with every breath. And his eyes are closed, his mouth open in ecstasy and exhaustion. He thinks he gets why Sunghoon likes seeing him helpless and desperate during sex. It gives him some sense of power and pride to have a hand in someone’s pleasure.

Sunghoon looks pretty, Sunoo thinks. Especially so when he’s spent.

The older cracks an eye open and smiles when he realizes that Sunoo is studying him. He opens both eyes, turns to the side, and opens his arms. "Come here." When Sunoo doesn’t make a move, he takes it upon himself to shorten the distance between them. He holds Sunoo and lays his head on Sunoo’s shoulder so their chests would touch, separated only by the thin material of Sunoo’s crop top.

In this position, they could feel each other’s heartbeat slowing down as their muscles relaxed. Sunoo winds an arm around Sunghoon’s chest and doodles nonsense on his back with his finger. "I really like your hair," Sunoo says, breaking the tension. Sunghoon snorts and pushes himself up so they’re face to face. Sunoo reaches up to tangle his fingers in Sunghoon’s bleached hair.

"Can we stay here for like fifteen minutes? Everything hurts," Sunghoon requests. Sunoo slaps him on the shoulder and says that he’s got it so much worse that he’s sure he won’t be able to walk properly for the rest of the night until tomorrow afternoon at the latest. Sunghoon grins upon hearing it. "Did you enjoy it, though?" he asks, with more gentleness in his voice, as he caresses Sunoo’s cheek. It was all too intimate again, making Sunoo’s stomach churn for the umpteenth time.

"I did," he whispers back. "Why the fuck are you so good at this?"

Sunghoon chuckles. "I just do my best in everything." He kisses Sunoo’s nose and then lays his head back on his shoulder. His hand travels down Sunoo’s leg and wraps it around his so he can massage the spot on Sunoo’s behind. "I want you to see only the best parts of me," he adds.

Sunoo thinks that he wants the same, to only show Sunghoon his best parts. But to be fair, what kind of bad things could he possibly witness from Sunoo when they spend the majority of their time having sex? They don’t even do pillowtalk or cuddles. This one isn’t counted as such either. They’re just catching their breath before they go back downstairs, that’s all. So even if they continued their rendezvous, their secret affair, Sunghoon would never learn about the skeletons in Sunoo’s tightly locked closet. And he won’t bother searching for Sunghoon’s demons, either. It would just ruin what they have. And right now, they’re having too much fun to end it with some sort of secret that they never wanted to learn.

"After midterms, or when this semester ends, let’s eat ramyeon," Sunghoon says.

Sunoo quirks an eyebrow. "Is that a euphemism or are you speaking literally?"

Sunghoon faces him again with a smile on his face. "Both, if you want." And then he looks at Sunoo again in a way that he couldn’t decipher. His eyes automatically drop to Sunoo’s lips as if asking for permission, even though he knows Sunoo won’t grant it to him. 

"I’d rather not do something outside of what we’re doing right now," Sunoo bluntly says. He needs to shut it down before things get complicated. He pushes Sunghoon away and swings his legs off of the bed. The pulsing inside him is apparent, and it feels uncomfortable to walk, but he quickly gathers his boxers and pants and puts them on. His fingers shake as he buckles his belt, but he squeezes his hands shut until his nails painfully dig into his palms. He turns around to see Sunghoon getting dressed as well, taking a cigarette out of his pocket and putting it between his lips. His brows were furrowed like he was annoyed. Sunoo doesn’t want to wonder why.

"I’m going downstairs. I still have to take my friend home," Sunoo tries to nonchalantly say, but his tone sounds forced. "Good luck with midterms," he adds.

"Yeah, you too," Sunghoon says without looking at him as he flicks his lighter on.

Chapter Text

The days that followed the frat party at Jay’s university were, for lack of a better term, weird. Perhaps it’s because it ended on a weird note in the first place.

Sunoo still can’t decide whether getting fucked by his TA in some frat bro’s bed while sober was a bad idea or not. For the most part, the sex was amazing, as always. It was Sunghoon, after all, and Sunghoon fucks him like he knows what he’s doing. And he does. Sunoo has to thank Sunghoon’s extensive biology and anatomy background for that once more. But then it got weird when it ended, when Sunghoon asked him to eat ramyeon like they were friends.

They’re not friends. The label "friends-with-benefits" is bullshit because they’re nothing but two people who have sex when they’re stressed (or rather, when Sunoo’s stressed because Sunghoon never texts him first for that), nothing more. They don’t really talk outside of their heated bubble. And even when they do, it always ends up with something up Sunoo’s ass, not that he’s complaining.

He left the party without saying goodbye to Sunghoon. Why would he? It’s not like he’s obligated to. He didn’t even acknowledge Sunghoon when he saw him talking to the girl again. Flirting, maybe, like he didn’t just blow Sunoo’s back out just a few moments ago. It didn’t matter. They weren’t exclusive, just like he wasn't obligated to tell Sunghoon that he was going to drag a drunk Jungwon outside to get into their Uber.

Speaking of Jungwon, he really did keep his promise of getting drunk. He learned from Jay that after their losing streak at beer pong, they did some shots in the kitchen. "I tried my best to stop him, believe me!" Jay explained, with an apparent guilt on his face, his hands up in the air in surrender. But Jungwon was relentless, and he kept blabbering about being "an adult who needs to have fun". After five shots of tequila, he was barely standing up.

The other half of his promise—the part where he was supposed to kiss Jay—wasn’t exactly fulfilled. They were waiting for the Uber to arrive outside of the party. Jungwon was hanging onto Jay like a crazed monkey and was staring at his fiance’s eyes like Jay held the answers to the universe. But Jay was a gentleman, surprisingly so, and he just humored Jungwon’s request to hold him until their ride arrived, nothing else.

Jungwon doesn’t remember the way he poked Jay’s cheeks and told him how handsome he was. Jay just thanked him and chuckled at Jungwon’s antics. Then, when their Uber pulled up in front of the frat house, Jay just kept his mouth shut when Jungwon kissed him on the cheek.

"I’m sorry about that," Sunoo embarrassingly apologized for Jungwon after he got him inside the car. "Please don’t tell him. He’ll die of embarrassment."

Jay just nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Don’t worry, I won’t. You sure you can handle it?"

"Yeah," Sunoo answered. And before he got on, he turned to Jay and said, "You’re a good guy. I don’t fully trust you yet, but I can tell that you care for Jungwon." Jay smiled at that. And Sunoo knew that Jay knew more about Jungwon’s feelings than his friend would admit. Sunoo wondered what Jay thought of their arrangement. But so far, something tells Sunoo that he’s not as opposed to it as it seems.

Sure enough, Jungwon had no recollection of what happened after the vodka shots. The last memory he had was of laughing about Dawn and Hyuna’s anecdotes. He couldn’t remember exactly what they were about, but he did remember laughing hysterically and feeling like he was floating on air.

"Did I do or say something embarrassing in front of Jay-hyung?" Jungwon asked the morning after, when Sunoo brought him a glass of water and an Advil.

"No," Sunoo blatantly lied. He thinks Jungwon didn’t fully buy it, but they never talked about it again because both of them dove head-first into revisions for midterms.

Sunoo, as per tradition, locked himself in his dorm room to read over his modules and flashcards. He usually studies in the library or in the cafe, but big exams are serious business. He can’t afford to be distracted if he wants to keep his record squeaky clean. He made sure to organize his things, to always have coffee in the pot—one of the few kitchen things around in his dorm—and to silence his phone. The only distractions that he allowed were the five-minute breaks every time he finished an hour of work. Yes, he’s a pomodoro bitch. It works for him.

He also hadn’t heard from anyone in his contacts. His parents knew it was exam week and that he wouldn’t be home until the end of the month. Jungwon texted him every 7 PM on the dot just to send proof of life even though he was also neck-deep in work. And Sunghoon… Well, he was also busy, Sunoo assumed. He also had his own exams, they’ve talked about it. Besides, he doesn’t really text first, except for those times when he first learned that he was going to be Sunoo’s TA.

Even when they walked past each other on campus, Sunghoon didn’t bother looking his way. Half the time, Sunghoon was on his phone. The other half, he was walking with other people, too immersed in their conversation about the answers they should have written. It didn’t bother Sunoo. It was normal for them not to talk to each other on campus or anywhere else that wasn't Sunghoon’s bed. But there was a tiny voice deep in his head that whispered something to him.

It’s not just the exams , it said. Sunoo ignored it and instead made his own mnemonics on the periodic table. His professor was ruthless. They weren’t allowed to bring their own charts during the exam.

It was probably the most stressful two weeks for Sunoo. With no outlet to let out his frustrations, he barely made it out alive. But it finally ended on Friday, just one day before the month ended, and Sunoo was nothing but ready to relieve himself from all of the physical and mental strain of it all.

He should be a bit embarrassed about texting Sunghoon as soon as he exited from his math exam, but he doesn’t have time to be embarrassed when he could be in the throes of pleasure and forget about the unsure answers he has written.

" Exams are finally done. Can I come over?" he texts. He waits for Sunghoon to reply because he doesn’t really take too long to do so. But this time, he does. It takes Sunghoon exactly fifteen minutes, eerily accurate, to respond. And before Sunoo could read it, he’d already reached the in-campus cafe.

"Busy at the moment maybe next time" it reads. 

Sunoo can’t help but be disappointed. He’s gone two weeks without sex. He didn’t even touch himself, no matter how deranged he got from memorizing physics formulas. He thinks he did well in the exams too and that he deserves some kind of reward, but it doesn’t look like he’s getting it tonight.

Sunghoon’s not one to reject him either, not that Sunoo is all that pushy with sex. In fact, Sunghoon is always smug about the fact that Sunoo’s always the first one to offer. Besides, who gets busy after exams? Then Sunoo reminds himself that Sunghoon is a research assistant and probably working on his own junior stuff.

He ignores the small voice in his head and replies, " Okay then."

He enters the cafe and orders a mint chocolate latte. He can imagine Jungwon’s disgust, but if he’s not getting dicked down tonight, he might as well indulge himself in a drink that everyone in the world seems to hate. The barista smiles at him when he makes his order. Sunoo thinks he’s cute. Then he remembers that the university is swarming with people who’d be willing to keep him company tonight.

So when he finally gets his drink, he situates himself in one of the booths right across the counter and crosses his legs. He looks at the cute barista when he sips his drink, suggestively letting the straw go deeper into his mouth, making the barista blush while talking to the next customer. Sunoo smiles to himself proudly.

"As soon as I finish this drink, I’m going to order a cookie and ask the barista to show me where the bathroom is." That’s his grand plan—getting fucked in the cafe bathroom just to feel something.

Five minutes into making eyes at the barista and being an absolute menace, two new customers arrive and block Sunoo’s line of sight. It was his lab partner from bio, Se-eun, and…

Sunoo almost chokes on his latte when he realizes that the taller figure is Sunghoon. The two of them were laughing among themselves as they made their orders. Sunghoon offered to pay for Se-eun’s drink. She didn’t stop him.

Busy, huh?

The barista hands them a pager, and the two of them search for an empty booth. But as soon as they turn around, Sunghoon sees him. Sunoo doesn’t know how to feel about the frown etched on Sunghoon’s face. He looked disappointed to see him there, when, really, shouldn’t it be Sunoo? Who the fuck lied between the two of them?

"Oh, Sunoo!" Se-eun greets him, oblivious to the death glare that he’s sending her company. "Just got out of exams?" she asks.

Sunoo turns to her and smiles politely, despite the urge to kick Sunghoon’s balls. "Yeah. Math did a number on me. You?"

"Yeah, same here. I actually bumped into Sunghoon on the way here. Mind if we join you? It’s a bit packed."

Sunoo stands and shakes his head. "No, actually, I was just leaving. You can take this booth. I have important things to do."

"Oh, really? Who gets busy after exams?" Se-eun jokes, but Sunoo makes sure to look directly into Sunghoon’s eyes and ask him the same thing with his stare. Sunghoon sighs and deflects away from Sunoo by scrolling through his phone.

"Me, apparently," Sunoo replies, with a tight smile. He moves out of the booth and gestures for them to get inside. "I’ll see you around, then," he says to Se-eun only because the sight of Sunghoon makes his blood boil right now. Se-eun waves goodbye, and Sunoo finally leaves.

He sips harshly on his latte and practically stomps back to his dorm room. He thinks Sunghoon is a piece of shit. He can’t ignore the tiny voice in his mind now. It’s definitely more than the exams. But what else? What other reason could Sunghoon have for lying to him like that? If he didn’t want to meet up, he could’ve just said so. Sunoo isn’t going to pressure him to have sex! If he wanted to end this whole thing, he could’ve said so! Why would he have to lie like that?

He slumps down on his bed when he gets inside his dorm room. He leaves the empty cup of latte on the floor and just gets into a starfish position, staring at the led light in his room until his eyes hurt.

And then they tear up when he realizes that he wasn’t even able to get it on with the cute barista. The tears turned into sobs. And then his chest hurts and he feels like he’s going to throw up.

He knows it’s not about Sunghoo anymore. It’s about his disappointment with people who are constantly lying to him. It’s about his disappointment in himself that no matter how hard he tries, he doesn’t seem to be enough.

"Baby?"

Sunoo hummed and let the cold air enter his lungs, filling them with snowflakes that Hyunjin melted with his embrace. The city lights looked like fireflies in the distance, but nothing was prettier than Hyunjin’s hands around his waist. He could feel his lover’s hot breath against his cheek when he spoke. And Sunoo couldn’t ask for more.

"I know we’re nowhere near ready for a life together, but do you think we’ll stay forever?"

It was a strange question, but it did not bother Sunoo all that much. Hyunjin always asked odd questions. He sometimes called him neurotic or paranoid. But the truth was that Hyunjin was always worried. He always worried that they were going too fast one day or too slow the other. He was worried about their parents. He was worried about their next date. He was worried about the first time they had sex. He worried if he made Sunoo happy. He was worried about the future.

But above all, he worried if everything was enough.

Sunoo was young back then, naive and easily blinded by puppy love. He did everything to ease Hyunjin’s worries, to make him see that everything would be fine as long as they were together. He held him, kissed him, and answered all of his questions—even the ones Sunoo felt unsure of.

But that was love, he thought. Two people should make love work. They shouldn’t leave it to chance or destiny. They should put some effort into it and assure each other that everything will be okay.

And even though he wasn’t sure of what the future held for the both of them, back then, Hyunjin was the only thing he was sure of.

Sunoo turned around and wound his arms around his lover’s neck. He stood on his tiptoes to lock lips with him, and then he smiled. "I’m sure of it," he said.

When he imagined the future then, Hyunjin was always in the picture. Their love wasn’t just a business deal that their parents had agreed upon; Sunoo couldn’t care less about that. In a few years, they’d probably get engaged and wait until Hyunjin graduates from college before getting married. They would buy a house together in the suburbs and maybe adopt a cat. He’d make breakfast every morning and make love to Hyunjin at night. And he’d be the happiest man in the world.

He wanted Hyunjin to be the happiest man in the world.

"Baby, I love you," Hyunjin whispered to him. Sunoo’s smile grew wider as he repeated the words. And then they kissed until they couldn’t breathe, until snowflakes fell from the sky.

But sometimes, the cold burns. The snowflakes in his lungs refused to melt. And as the days passed by, he felt Hyunjin slipping away from his numb fingers.

The future he painted on his head started to burn.

The ringing of his phone woke him from his slumber. Sunoo has cried himself to sleep, it seems. It has been a while since he last did that. And now all he feels is shame because it all stemmed from the fact that his appointed bedwarmer wouldn’t fuck him. Pathetic. He kinda wants to drown himself in a bathtub.

The persistent ringing of his phone prompts Sunoo to roll to the side and retrieve it from his satchel on the floor. He stretches his arm out and grabs his leather satchel with a huff. He opens it and answers the call from Jungwon. "What?"

"What do you mean, ‘what’? We agreed to have brunch today before going back home. We’re already in front of your dorm building."

"Shit," Sunoo curses. Three days before exam week ended, Jungwon insisted on having brunch with him to celebrate the end of their agony, but also to air out any frustrations they weren’t able to share for the two weeks that they weren’t able to talk to each other. Jungwon is that kind of friend, the kind that doesn’t let Sunoo rot in his own dorm room for no good reason. He’s a bit clingy for all the good reasons, and Sunoo is thankful for him. Even in the mornings when his eyes are too heavy to open and his chest even heavier.

"Give me five minutes. I forgot," Sunoo confesses. He powers through the migraine that pulsates at the back of his head and grabs the most decent outfit he can get his hands on. He puts Jungwon on speaker as he changes and brushes his teeth simultaneously. He makes sure to throw in a pair of sunglasses to hide his red and inflamed eyes. He doesn’t have time for concealer. Jungwon will surely ask questions, but he’ll try not to bring it up.

He hears Jungwon sigh on the other end of the line. "Just hurry, okay? We’re already downstairs."

We. "Who’s ‘we’?" Sunoo pauses for a moment when he realizes that they have company. They don’t usually hang out with other people.

"Oh," Jungwon says, with a small voice. "Jay-hyung is here. He’s joining us."

Even though he knows Jungwon can’t see it, Sunoo still quirks a judging eyebrow at his phone. These days, it’s always Jay-hyung this and Jay-hyung that with Jungwon. It’s clear that he’s enamored with Jay, always excited to squeeze in his fiance into any kind of topic. And now, he’s even inviting him to their traditional brunch. Sunoo won’t be surprised if Jay goes shopping and talks about boys with them soon. Might as well do each other’s hair and paint their nails while they’re at it. Sunoo isn’t irritated by Jay’s presence. Park Jay seems like a decent person, and if their arranged marriage follows through, he will definitely be a permanent fixture in their lives. Sunoo just can’t shake the feeling that something bad will happen eventually. And he’s not sure if he’s ready to give comfort to Jungwon.

With a quick look at the mirror—he looks like shit, and not in a hot kind of way—he grabs his "brunch bag" and puts on his sunglasses before exiting his dorm room. Sure enough, a black Volvo is waiting for him in front of the building. Jungwon rolls down his window and gives him a disappointed look. "You’re late," he says as Sunoo approaches.

"Barely," Sunoo bites back. He gets into the back seat and greets Jay briefly. The latter smiles at him through the rearview mirror before driving off to their favorite restaurant, "The Cottage". It’s owned by one of Mrs. Yang’s friends, that's why they’re always given the best seats and are allowed to order from the "secret menu". The food is definitely overpriced, but they wouldn’t give it up because they like the ambience and they like looking at the pretty waiters.

They were silent on the way to the restaurant, with only Jay’s playlist streaming from the speakers. Sunoo doesn’t know the songs, but Jungwon is singing along to some of them. He suppresses a snort because he knows Jungwon’s taste in music and it’s definitely not leaning toward some obscure hip hop tunes. It’s obvious that his best friend is going the extra mile to impress his fiance when there’s no need to do it at all. They’re going to get married either way.

Then again, the same thing goes for Jay. He’s been hanging out with Jungwon a lot lately, and now, he’s even accompanying them to brunch. It’s clear that he knows Sunoo doesn’t fully trust him—Sunoo even admitted it to him. And now it looks like he’s trying to get Sunoo’s approval. What for? It’s not like Sunoo can ruin their arrangement just because he doesn’t like Jay, which is not the case at all.

They pull up at the Cottage after half an hour. Instead of sidling beside Jay like Sunoo expected, Jungwon winds his arm around Sunoo’s instead. They walk ahead of Jay. "Are you okay?" Jungwon whispers. "You look like shit."

"Thanks a lot, Jungwon. I appreciate that."

Jungwon elbows him. "I’m serious. Are you okay?"

The short answer is no, he’s not okay. In fact, Sunoo doesn’t even know what "okay" really means anymore. It’s been a while since he really felt "okay". But he doesn’t want Jungwon to know that. He’ll just worry and he’ll just drop everything to figure things out with Sunoo. Jungwon is that kind of friend. But right now, Sunoo doesn’t want him to be. Right now, he needs to be okay so Jungwon won’t worry, so Jay won’t think something’s going on.

Sunoo puts on his best smile. "I’m fine. I promise. I just watched a movie last night and cried myself to sleep."

"What?"

"Yeah. It was Hachiko. You know how that movie releases the waterworks." Sunoo doesn’t think Jungwon believes him, but the latter doesn’t question him further and instead continues to march forward inside the restaurant.

The staff lead them to their usual spot on the second floor. The sunshine filters in through the open veranda, and the Jasmines outside smell divine. Their waiter, Haneul, had a dimple on one cheek that made him look boyish, despite his broad chest and muscular arms. The buttons of his shirt barely contain his pecs. Sunoo is practically drooling at the sight. Haneul hands them the menu. Sunoo makes sure to flash him an extra sweet smile.

"I’ll get the eggs benedict with extra baby potatoes," Jungwon announces. "And the peach pie." Jay orders a chicken balsamic while Sunoo opts for the chef’s special for the day, whatever that is.

Before they could even get to chat, Jungwon’s phone rings. "Ugh. It’s mom. I’m sorry I have to take this." He excuses himself and heads to the far side of the veranda to answer the call.

Now, Sunoo is left to make conversation with Jay. He finally takes his sunglasses off. If Jay finds his red eyes weird, he doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he takes what looks like a nervous sip of his water. "It’s my first time here, actually," he admits. "I’ve never been to the Cottage, but I can see the appeal."

Jay doesn’t look like a guy who chooses a cottage-core restaurant to have brunch at, but it’s good that he’s making an effort. "I’m surprised Jungwon managed to string you along."

Jay chuckles. "Oh, well, I invited myself. He just mentioned in passing that you were going to have brunch. I thought it’d be a good idea to spend some time with him and you since you’re best friends and all."

Sunoo draws his mouth into a line, unsure of how to react to that. Park Jay is really different from what he expected. It’s a bit disorienting since most children from wealthy and prominent families are spoiled brats who couldn’t care less about other people.

"Why?" Sunoo asks.

Jay looks taken aback. "Well, I just thought it’d be a good idea. I mean, I could imagine that Jungwon and I would hang out more, and I think it’s only appropriate for me to get to know the people around him.

"No, why?" Sunoo reiterates. "Why go through all these lengths to gain my approval when your marriage is inevitable anyway? Everything's been arranged. Why do you have to make an effort to seem likable?" It sounded a lot ruder than Sunoo expected, but he was curious and he might miss another opportunity to ask.

Jay looked nervous when the question settled in. But his initial reaction quickly faded to be replaced by a small smile and a fond, faraway look that Sunoo thinks must be the trick of the light.

"To tell you the truth, I was opposed to the whole arranged marriage thing from the start. I didn’t want to be a pawn in my parents’ game, and I didn’t want my own freedom to be commodified. But I met Jungwon. He’s younger than me, and he looked innocent and pure. He had this scared look in his eyes that told me he didn’t want to be there just as much as I did. But Mr. Yang is ruthless. I’m sure you know that already. If I rejected the deal, he’d just find another billionaire to marry off his son to.

"I don’t mean to brag. I’m not a perfect person. But at least I have a heart. I’d like to imagine that I’m nice enough to allow Jungwon to preserve his innocence. I thought that if I rejected the offer, he’d end up with someone worse than me. So I said yes. And I promised myself that I would do my best to give Jungwon a bearable life and a bearable relationship. That’s why I’m making an effort to get to know him. I don’t want either of us to have regrets in the future."

Sunoo now understands just how much Jay cares for Jungwon. He thinks his best friend is just lucky that he ended up with someone who’s planned all of this out at the very least. "What if one of you falls in love? What if feelings get into the mix?" This time, Jay flushes.

Interesting .

He clears his throat before answering. "Well… I… I haven’t thought of that. But… I think I will have to consider that as well. I mean, if things go well, that’s not far from happening, right?"

Sunoo smirks. "I guess so."

Jungwon finally goes back to their table and apologizes for his absence. He sends a questioning glare at Sunoo when he sees his best friend smirking at his glass of water. "Is everything okay?" he asks Jay, who was still as red as a tomato.

"Yeah, everything’s alright. We were just talking about exams."

The conversation ends there when Haneul brings their food in. The three of them eat and have a casual conversation about university and some other things that they’ve been up to. Sunoo notices that when Jungwon speaks, Jay listens attentively to him. And when it’s Jay’s turn, Jungwon does his best to give him good reactions.

Both of them are idiots, he thinks.

But he’s not going to interfere with whatever’s happening between the two of them. He just wonders if he’ll ever get to have this for himself. Maybe not. It seems impossible now that he’s not letting himself commit or even entertain the idea of dating someone when people are nothing but distrustful. If his bedwarmer has the audacity to lie to him, he doesn’t know what an actual boyfriend would do to him.

Sunoo is a clown. He is a fucking clown. A disgrace. An embarrassment. He might as well get his colorful wig, giant shoes, and red nose on to truly embody the look.

He assumed that the whole stint with Sunghoon was already over. It was clear that Sunghoon wasn’t interested in him anymore after the whole fiasco at the cafe. And he never reached out like that time when he found out Sunoo’s major. So, to keep his mind off of things, Sunoo went home and did his best to enjoy his parents’ company. He shopped for clothes with his mother and accompanied her to a socialite dinner. It was supposed to be an all-ladies gathering, but his mother sensed that he needed to be with other people, so she insisted the host let him in in exchange for letting middle-aged women pinch his cheeks like he was still a kid and not a full-sized adult who served in the military. Then, on Sunday, he went golfing with his father, even though it was more like watching his father play golf with his colleagues while he drained the bar nearby. His father gave him a disappointed look on his fifth margarita, but didn’t say anything else.

It was a good weekend. It could have been better, but it was enough to keep him busy. It was enough to distract him from thoughts of Sunghoon possibly sleeping with his lab partner. He just wished that it went on longer. But it didn’t. When Monday rolled in, he had to brave his way to his biology lecture and do his best to keep his eyes off of Sunghoon.

But that was a difficult feat altogether because Sunghoon was wearing glasses and he looked so damn sexy in a nerdy type of way. Sunoo wanted to fling himself out of the window.

His agony did not stop there, unfortunately. After receiving feedback for his exams—full marks, as expected—he was determined to find a new dick . Se-eun invited him to a celebratory party with the rest of their classmates to talk about midterms, build networks and all that fancy shit. It was going to be a formal party, nothing like the one Jay had invited him to, but it was a good enough opportunity to meet new people.

However, as soon as he got back from his dorm room to change, his phone rang.

Sunghoon. Sunghoon is breaking their unspoken rules by calling him. They never call. All their transactions are done through text. Sunoo almost rejects it, but he figures that it would be a good opportunity to give Sunghoon a piece of his mind and legitimately end things between them. That way, they won’t get in trouble anymore either.

"Hey, I’m free. Come to my apartment." Sunghoon’s cool demeanor irks Sunoo. He sounds nonchalant and unaffected when Sunoo feels like he was going to combust over the weekend. It’s ridiculous, aside from the fact that he’s literally commanding Sunoo.

"You’re not the boss of me," Sunoo says, without hiding his obvious annoyance. "I’m going to a party. Go find some other guy to fuck. Or girl. I don’t know. I never asked for your preferences."

"No, Sunoo," Sunghoon insists on the other line. "I want you."

Want… Needs are essential. You don’t have a choice but to fulfill your needs. But desires are something else entirely.Wants are selfish, possessive, and addicting if lines are not drawn between them. Yet somehow, Sunoo wants to be wanted more than needed .

Suffice to say, exactly fifteen minutes after Sunghoon dropped the call, Sunoo shows up in front of his apartment door with a murderous look on his face. He’s half-annoyed that he’s being strung along by Sunghoon when it’s supposed to be him calling the shots in whatever affair they’ve subjected themselves to. And the other half of him is pissed to see Sunghoon still wearing his glasses and cream-colored cardigan. He wants to punch Sunghoon in the face for being so hot. But before he could do anything that might send Sunghoon to the hospital, he was dragged inside and shoved against the door.

Sunghoon latches his lips on Sunoo’s jaw and down to his neck, right at the pulse, before sucking and lightly biting down. Sunoo can’t help but moan. His hands are involuntarily gripping Sunghoon’s shoulders.

I’m a fucking clown , Sunoo echoes in his head.

"Missed you," Sunghoon whispers in his ear. He teases the lobe with his teeth, distracting Sunoo from his hands that were quickly descending from his back to his ass. Sunghoon presses his body against Sunoo's, crowding him, and groans when his crotch meets the dip of Sunoo’s hip. "Congratulations on acing your biology exam, by the way. You’re so sexy for that."

Sunoo doesn’t know if he wants to scream or laugh at the remark. But that thought quickly disperses in his mind when Sunghoon’s hand goes under his shirt to palm at his stomach and up his chest. The older fondles his chest, and he lets out another moan before he could catch himself doing it. He tries to find something to focus on to ground himself, but only the light in Sunghoon’s foyer is visible from his line of sight. And even that is too bright, so he closes his eyes and tries to swim back into consciousness before Sunghoon drowns him in sensual touches.

Fortunately, or rather, unfortunately, something in the distance rings. Sunghoon instantly freezes, and the two of them listen to his phone go off for a moment before Sunghoon rests his forehead against Sunoo’s. Sunoo’s eyes almost cross as he looks at Sunghoon’s agitated face. The latter’s eyes were closed, and his mouth was drawn into a hard line.

"I’m going to kill him," Sunghoon says. "I’m going to kill him." Then, he steps back and pulls his limbs away from Sunoo, leaving the latter breathless against the door. Sunoo’s knees buckle slightly as he watches Sunghoon go further inside the apartment to answer his phone.

Why am I here? I should be at the party. Sunghoon and I are over. The thing between us is over, I mean.

He lets his fingers run through his hair as he navigates around his frustrated thoughts. On one hand, he could just turn around and go to the party. There, he could meet a cute guy who he could blow in the bathroom or exchange numbers with to have fun at a later date. But on the other hand, why would he have to make things more complicated for himself when he’s already at Sunghoon’s apartment? And by the looks of it, Sunghoon is still very much interested in him , in his body . It would be more convenient this way, he rationalizes.

When he steps further inside, he tells himself that it’s fine. If he doesn’t like what comes after this, he’d really end it. When he looks at Sunghoon’s disappointed face while talking to the person on the other end of the call, Sunoo tells himself that it’s okay. If Sunghoon gives him shit, he’ll block his number and try to ignore him during classes.

Yes. He could still have control over the situation as long as he doesn’t let his mind get clouded.

When the call ends, Sunghoon turns to him. "I’m sorry about this. Can you give me just a few minutes?"

"For what?" he asks while leaning against the wall.

Sunghoon runs his hand through his hair and genuinely looks apologetic. "My thesis adviser and some of my classmates need to meet. He needs to discuss a few changes to our study." Sunoo rolls his eyes, but Sunghoon is quick on his feet and is already holding him by the waist to apologize. "I’m sorry. But please don’t leave. I’ll make this quick, okay?"

"What the fuck, Sunghoon?" Sunoo pushes the latter away. "You lied to me last week. You didn’t even reach out to explain things. And now you’re making me wait after practically commanding me to get in here? Are you crazy? I’m not going to put up with your bullshit!" Sunoo raises his voice in an attempt to convince Sunghoon that he’s not a doormat that he can walk on over whenever he wants. Sunoo still has the upper hand, or at least he would like to think so. It’s his cue to leave, but his feet won’t move.

Sunghoon looks panicked. Sunoo enjoys the way he succumbs to his words."Please stay, Sunoo. Please? I just can’t reschedule this. I promise I’ll explain later and fix this. But please stay."

The words that Sunoo wanted to say immediately got pushed back in his throat when a Zoom call notification sounded off. He almost wants to laugh at how many times he’s been cut off by calls throughout the entire day. Sunghoon looks at him guiltily one more time before rushing to his work desk to accept the Zoom call. Sunoo doesn’t see the other people on the call, just the back of Sunghoon’s laptop. Sunghoon puts on a facade as soon as he’s on camera, as if he didn’t just ruin Sunoo’s ego.

Sunoo is slowly regretting choosing this over the party. If he doesn’t put an end to Sunghoon’s manipulations, he’d slowly lose control over Sunghoon, and he doesn’t want that to happen. He’s the one calling the shots. He started this whole thing, and if it ends here, it’s supposed to be because of the choices he deliberately made. He has to find a way to subdue Sunghoon in some way, to let him see that his choices are only limited.

Sunoo takes a deep breath and steadies himself. The only thing he can use against Sunghoon is the very weapon that the latter has been using against him—sex. By the looks of Sughoon’s desperate attempts to get into his pants earlier, it’s easy to see that he still thinks with his dick rather than his brain. But that’s advantageous to Sunoo. He can work with dicks . 

Sunghoon starts to get immersed in the meeting. He offers his own opinions on the treatments that they should use in their study. It almost irked Sunoo to know that perhaps Sunghoon was forgetting about his presence. But he takes control. He reminds himself that it’s better to pounce when the prey is distracted.

While Sunghoon goes on about methodologies, Sunoo gets on his knees and crawls under Sunghoon’s desk. He feels Sunghoon flinch when he reaches the latter’s leg and finds purchase on his thigh. For a moment, Sunghoon looks down on him, his words stopping midway, but Sunoo only matches his look head on and he had to speak again since his professor and colleagues were listening.

"As I was saying…" Sunghoon starts again in an attempt to ignore Sunoo between his legs, though one of his hands grips Sunoo’s shoulder to try and push him back down. Sunoo doesn’t let the subtle warning deter him. Instead, he leans down and mouths at Sunghoon’s crotch. He lightly presses his lips against the soft fabric of Sunghoon’s sweatpants and feels the hand gripping him tighten. Sunoo smirks to himself.

The next time Sunghoon speaks at the meeting, his voice slightly pitches up, but he’s a good actor with the way he’s trying to hide how worked up he is. Sunoo continues his ministrations and licks hard on the fabric, feeling the appendage beneath harden against his mouth. Sunghoon presses his legs together, but Sunoo just pushes them apart. This time, he squeezes Sunghoon’s erection with his hands while licking at where the head should be.

"Is everything alright, Sunghoon?" Sunoo hears the professor ask.

"Y-yeah! My stomach just hurts a bit," Sunghoon tries to laugh off. "Bad sushi for lunch," he adds. Sunoo smiles and clasps the head between his soft lips. Sunghoon lightly grips the back of his head to pull him away from him, but Sunoo doesn’t care.

He reaches up to the strings of the sweatpants and tugs them loose. He goes for the waistband next and successfully exposes Sunghoon slightly. He doesn’t wait for another minute and quickly mouths at the exposed head that was turning red with every touch.

"I’m having some connectivity issues," Sunghoon loudly announces. "I’ll try to sort it out. Please continue. I will catch up later." Sunoo thinks that Sunghoon turned his camera and microphone off because the latter finally acknowledged him verbally. "What are you doing?"

Sunoo shrugs, feigning innocence. "Giving you a blowjob."

"Sunoo…" Sunghoon laments. "Just a few more moments and this meeting will be over. Can’t you wait a little bit longer?"

"Why should I?" Sunoo counters. By now, he’s managed to expose half of Sunghoon’s length. He strokes it languidly as he peeks at the computer. "Turn your camera and microphone on."

"Sunoo."

"Turn them on or I’ll walk out of this apartment," he threatens. Sunghoon glares at him helplessly but does as he says. Sunghoon pushes his laptop back to make sure that it only captures his face, then he apologizes to his professor before proceeding with the meeting.

This is the power he holds against Sunghoon, Sunoo thinks. His ego is slowly being restored and his pride is at its peak.

He pulls the front of Sunghoon’s pants down a little more to expose his length before giving it a couple of tugs. Then he leans to tongue at the head, making sure to put pressure on the slit. He feels Sunghoon’s grip tighten on his shoulder, but that only encourages him more. He licks at the head and then down the length until he gets to the base. He gives it a few more swipes with his tongue before taking Sunghoon into his mouth.

He hears Sunghoon fail in suppressing a sigh, which he hides behind a fake cough. Sunoo smiles and takes Sunghoon deeper, bobbing his head before it reaches the back of his throat. He makes sure to pucker his lips a little more and build up the pressure slowly. He counts it as another success when Sunghoon claws at the back of his head tightly until his scalp burns. Sunoo tries to sneak a peek at Sunghoon’s face only to find the latter looking down on him as well. When their eyes meet, Sunghoon closes his eyes shut and then turns back to the meeting.

"And that’s all I have for you today. Let’s schedule another meeting next week to talk about…" the professor says in closing. Sunoo could feel Sunghoon rushing, evident from the way he quickly said goodbye and turned his camera off. But even when Sunghoon relaxes, Sunoo doesn’t pay him any mind and continues. He lets it hit the back of his throat, constricting it with his muscles until his eyes tear up slightly.

He found it hard to breathe, but Sunghoon was already pulling him away to take a good look at him. "You’re crazy," he reprimands, breathlessly. Sunoo notices the redness on his cheeks and the way his pupils blow out. "You fucking gave me an ultimatum because you couldn’t wait five minutes?"

"Hey, don’t forget, you’re the one who made all of this weird," Sunoo points out. Sunghoon deflates and swallows down, distracting him again from Sunoo’s actions.

Sunoo takes him in his mouth once again and harshly pulls at his sweatpants, this time so they will end up under his knees. He licks and sucks at Sunghoon’s scrotum, making the latter moan. "Sunoo…"

The younger swallows him whole and groans when his length brushes up against his throat.The vibrations of his voice must be pleasurable to Sunghoon. He could imagine so.

"Ah…" Sunghoon manages to pull him by the hair and away from his dick. They look at each other for a moment before Sunghoon takes hold of his own length to slap it lightly against Sunoo’s half-open mouth. He runs the head against Sunoo’s lips and hisses when the younger darts his tongue out to meet it. He slaps it against Sunoo’s cheeks as well, reveling in the messy situation that they have found themselves in. Sunoo moans when Sunghoon slaps it against his mouth once more.

"You like that, huh?" Sunghoon comments amusedly. "You’re unbelievable." This time, he puts his member inside Sunoo’s mouth and pushes at his head slightly. Sunoo closes his eyes as he bobs his head relentlessly, meeting Sunghoon’s thrusts halfway. He thinks he’s still in control despite the fact that Sunghoon is taking enjoyment in fucking his mouth. He hums again and savors the harsh sounds that Sunghoon makes. "Fuck, baby. It’s so good, fucking your mouth."

Sunoo moans again. Sunghoon grips his hair tighter. "So fucking wet. Shit…" Sunghoon drawls. But despite all the pleasure that both of them are indulging in, Sunghoon eventually pulls Sunoo off of him, and Sunoo lets him go. They are equally dazed after two weeks of being sex-deprived. When Sunghoon pulls him up to the desk to get rid of his shirt, Sunoo doesn’t protest.

Sunghoon kisses his neck, his collarbones, his chest, and his nipples. Simultaneously, he gets rid of Sunoo’s pants and underwear. When his glasses fog up, he tries to take them off, only to be stopped by Sunoo. "Wear that. I like it."

Sunghoon smiles but shakes his head. He tells him that he won’t be able to see him when the glasses are all fogged up. Even though Sunoo pouts in disappointment, he lets him place it on the desk and moves on. Sunghoon takes his cardigan and shirt off until both of them are naked against his desk. But before they could proceed, Sunoo says, "You said you were gonna explain everything to me."

"What? Now?" Sunghoon asks while wrapping Sunoo’s legs around his waist.

"Yes, now," Sunoo insists.

"Can’t we do it after we’re both—"

"Your mouth is free now, so talk."

Sunghoon looks at him in disbelief. "You’re really stubborn, aren’t you?" Without warning, he carries Sunoo in his arms. Sunoo winds his arms around Sunghoon’s neck to keep his balance while they make it to the bedroom, but he kept glaring at the TA all the way there. He doesn’t relent, even when Sunghoon lays him down on the bed. "You’re gonna glare daggers at me until I talk?"

"That’s the idea. Unless you want this to progress into something worse, like me getting up to take my clothes off and going to the party where I’m supposed to be right now."

Sunghoon shakes his head. "You and your ultimatums. How will I win?" He kisses Sunoo’s cheek and rests on his elbows as he ravages Sunoo’s neck once more. But it doesn’t last long because he’s looking down on Sunoo with genuinely apologetic eyes and says, "I’m sorry about last week. I was being dumb." He reaches down to Sunoo’s hand, which he puts around his neck. "I was stressed about a lot of things and I was afraid that I’d take it out on you."

"So, you lied and had coffee with my lab partner instead?"

Sunghoon exhales, letting his breath warm up Sunoo’s already-burning skin. He pecks at Sunoo’s skin and subtly presses their members together, ripping a low moan from Sunoo’s throat. It’s a manipulation tactic, Sunoo thinks. But he’s already too wound up to fight it anymore. As long as he knows what Sunghoon is trying to do, he could still ground himself. He could still take control.

"It’s not like that, baby," Sunghoon whispers in his ear.

"Not your baby."

Sunghoon snickers. He presses harder, and Sunoo doesn’t hide how turned on he is anymore. He throws his head back and bites his lip as he watches Sunghoon furrow his brows. Sunghoon watches their skin rub together, his hair obscuring his eyes for a moment. So, Sunoo reaches up and brushes it up his head as he looks at him. They look at each other, their pupils blown out, almost making their eyes look entirely black. It’s a little too affectionate, a little too soft. When Sunghoon looks at his lips again, just like he expected, Sunoo immediately looks away, afraid that one of these days, Sunghoon will finally snap. Luckily, it’s not today.

Sunoo feels Sunghoon’s calloused hands span the skin on his stomach before his head moves down to latch on to a nipple. Sunoo arches his hips in pleasure, and when Sunghoon bites lightly on the thick skin, he keens. He could feel Sunghoon's smile against his chest.

Sunghoon looks up at him again. "I won’t lie again," he says.

Sunoo rolls his eyes. He knows Sunghoon sounds sincere, but he shouldn’t be too complacent with what men tell him. "Yeah, right."

"I promise," Sunghoon reiterates, but with a teasing smile. "Can’t you forgive me this time?" When he asks, he punctuates it with a roll of his hips. "I’ll be good."

"Fuck you, honestly," Sunoo grumbles, even though he’s pressing his crotch up to meet Sunghoon’s. His two-week celibacy was definitely not worth it, but he’s still a bit mad at Sunghoon, and he needs to remind himself of that.

Sunghoon chuckles. "Sorry. Should we stop then?" he jokes. Sunoo unconsciously pouts and winds his arms around Sunghoon’s neck to pull him closer. Sunghoon laughs again, but rolls his hips even harder until they moan in unison. "You’re so cute," he whispers. Sunoo twitches at the compliment.

"Even cuter than Se-eun?"

"What?" Sunghoon asks in amusement and surprise. He kisses him on the cheeks again. "I didn’t sleep with Se-eun. Just because I’m sleeping with you, doesn’t mean I just go around sleeping with other students. I’m not trying to get suspended or fired."

"So why are you still sleeping with me then?" Sleeping . They haven’t done any of that together, not in the literal sense, anyway.

Sunghoon stills for a moment and just looks at him. There was that indescribable look on his face again, the one that makes Sunoo nervous but giddy all at the same time. "Don’t ask me that because I don’t even know the answer either."

"You’re lying again," Sunoo points out.

"I’m not. I really don’t know, Sunoo." he gets closer and whispers. "I just know I want you in my bed. You look like you belong here."

Sunoo doesn’t know how to take those words in. Being wanted… It's been quite a long time since he felt that way. The thought of someone desiring him, his body, feels foreign now, but it doesn’t fail to send shivers down his spine and electricity buzzing at the tips of his fingers. He imagines how Sunghoon sees him when he’s lying on the latter’s bed. He thinks about his hair spread out against the pillows, or his pale skin contrasting with the navy blue sheets. He thinks about his arms gripping the duvet, his legs dripping on the mattress.

Does he look beautiful?

"You look beautiful," Sunghoon confirms for him with a whisper. Sunoo is only human, so upon hearing those words, he whines. He wants more .

The mattress shifts when Sunghoon kneels over him. The TA stretches out to reach the drawer beside his bed. He retrieves a couple of packets and a bottle that are all too familiar to Sunoo. It didn’t take long for Sunghoon to open the bottle and coat his fingers with the strawberry-scented lube. He looks at Sunoo for a moment and then kisses his cheek once again before going down the junction of his neck while simultaneously inserting a finger inside Sunoo.

"Ah…" Sunoo whimpers.

"You’re tighter than usual," Sunghoon comments.

"Haven’t touched myself in two weeks, that’s why," Sunoo replies while holding onto Sunghoon’s shoulder.

Sunghoon smiles. "Really?" He leans over Sunoo and puts his weight on his elbows, not once pausing from his work in between Sunoo’s legs. "I thought about you a lot during those weeks. Whenever I take a break, you creep into my mind."

Sunoo bites his lips and squeezes his eyes shut to focus on Sunghoon’s fingers. The image that Sunghoon paints for him turns him on.

"In my head, I fuck you in this bed. And then on my desk. And then in the kitchen. The sofa. The coffee table. And you’d moan my name and shake when I call yours. In my head, I left bruises on your skin, and you bit against mine. I picture you bouncing on top of me, sobbing under me. Hell, I even thought about fucking you sideways."

"Are you obsessed with me?" Sunoo jokes just as the second finger stretches him out. He pushes against Sunghoon’s fingers while kissing Sunghoon’s neck just like in the latter’s imagination.

Sunghoon chuckles. "Maybe. Then again, who wouldn’t be obsessed with you?"

"Sunghoon…" He’s good with words, Sunoo would give him that. Sunoo almost forgets why he’s mad at him, too. "Hurry…" Instead of a snide remark, Sunghoon chuckles, but removes his fingers from Sunoo's. He grabs Sunoo’s thighs and spreads them apart. After putting the condom on, he slowly eases in, releasing a breath when he bottoms out.

"You feel so good, baby," Sunghoon says with a shaky voice. Sunoo could feel his muscles contract, but he knew it must have felt amazing to Sunghoon. "Wanted to do this to you so bad…" He thrusts slowly and shallowly, but it ignites a fire in Sunoo’s stomach, and he knows he’s not going to last long.

They’re chest to chest as Sunghoon drives into Sunoo. His shallow thrusts gain momentum as he grows impatient as well. Sunoo doesn’t do anything to halt him in his movements, not when his toes are starting to curl in pleasure. In fact, he whispers his own requests to the older.

"More, Sunghoon…" Sunghoon licks at his neck.

"Harder…" Sunghoon presses in deeper.

"Oh… Right there!" Sunghoon prods at his sensitive spot more relentlessly.

"You like that, huh?" Sunghoon asks him with a smirk on his face. Sunoo nods helplessly and meets his every thrust. "You’re so red." Sunghoon emphasizes by kissing his cheek. "Mmm… Fuck."

Sunoo leaves scratches on Sunghoon’s back, which only encourages the latter to pound harder into him. Sunoo thinks he wears those marks proudly, like battle scars that are only for his eyes to see. That is, of course, if he lets someone else see them. Or leave marks of their own. Sunoo decides he doesn’t want to know. Instead, he focuses on the way Sunghoon’s breath hitches or the way his sweat drips down from his body as he moves.

He watches the way Sunghoon’s muscles ripple and strain against his ivory skin. And he grows fascinated by the redness that blooms on his neck—the spots that Sunoo have kissed and sucked.

His stomach flutters as he slowly unravels, but Sunghoon is relentless with his every thrust. Somehow, Sunoo doesn’t want it to end too soon. Two weeks was a little too long, and one night is not enough to make up for it.

"Ahhh…" Sunoo hums with an open mouth. His voice crescendos as Sunghoon prods harder into him, knowing every part that makes him shake, like he’s an expert on Sunoo. And perhaps he is. After two months of hushed affairs, Sunoo would be more offended if Sunghoon had no clue about what he was doing.

"You’re so tight, babe. Fuck. You’re gonna kill me," Sunghoon groans in his ear. "You like that? You like when I fuck you hard?"

"Yes… Yes!" He circles his arms around Sunghoon’s neck, and he lets his hips bounce up the mattress to meet Sunghoon halfway. "I’m so close. Hoon… I’m so close."

Sunghoon kisses his neck and pulls away from his hold. Sunoo takes hold of the sheets, twisting them around his fingers while Sunghoon raises his hips. With his body half suspended in the air, Sunoo found it hard to move. But Sunghoon bucked into him with ease, going faster and harder with every push. Sunoo throws his head back, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

His muscles spasm, and his insides feel like they’ve been churned. And when he finally comes, he sees flashes of white behind his eyelids.

"Shit!" Sunghoon curses as he, too, reaches his climax. He lets his body slump down on top of Sunoo when he finishes, letting their sweaty skin slap against each other as they catch their breaths. Sunoo lets himself close his eyes in bliss, reveling in the way his insides pulse as the muscles spasm post-orgasm. He could feel Sunghoon’s heartbeat in his own chest. It’s beating at the same rhythm as his, letting him know how much all of this affects Sunghoon too.

His chest swells with pride at realizing that he did that to Sunghoon. He made a mess of him as well. He momentarily smiles and lets his breathing even out.

"Give me ten minutes," Sunghoon says erratically, sounding like he’s just run a marathon.

"Huh?" Sunoo asks, letting his hand pat Sunghoon’s hair. It's a little too affectionate for him, but it's all he could do for the time being.Moving is taking too much of his energy. He only manages to lift one hand.

He feels Sunghoon shift above him, followed by a pepper of kisses on his pecs. "One round is not enough. I’m going to fuck you until we become paralyzed."

Sunoo giggles at the notion, but if there’s anything admirable about Sunghoon, it’s keeping his word.

Sunoo doesn’t count in his head, but he’s pretty sure it took less than ten minutes before Sunghoon regained his strength and awakened his libido again, not that it ever became dormant.

Sure enough, Sunoo finds his face smushed on the mattress a few moments later. Half of his body is off the bed, his legs supporting him on the floor. Sunghoon bruisingly grips him by the waist and fucks him while standing up. When they come, Sunghoon moves him against the wall, his leg hooked on Sunghoon’s arm as he thrusts. After that, he gets fucked against the coffee table, leaving carpet burns on his knees. Then, once again on Sunghoon’s desk, imagining what it would be like to get fucked in front of the camera. And finally, they settle on the floor, both sweaty and stained with their own release.

Sunoo can’t feel his legs nor the sensitive buds on his chest that have been abused by Sunghoon’s mouth. His back aches and his insides feel like jelly. Yet, somehow, he feels satiated. This has been the longest time that Sunghoon has fucked him, and he’s finally satisfied. He can’t say the same for Sunghoon, though.

The TA is lying beside him on the floor. One of his hands held onto Sunoo’s thigh like a lifeline. The other is circled around his still-hard length. "Fuck," he whispers against Sunoo’s skin at the upstroke.

Sunoo almost laughs in disbelief. "Isn’t your dick going to fall off? Fuck, you’re still on it?"

"I told you I missed you. My friend missed you a lot more, though." Sunoo chuckles at the term.

He watches Sunghoon jerk off for a few moments. He observes the way his hands play with himself and how his eyes roam around Sunoo’s body, as if he’s devouring him once more. He wonders what he’s thinking about. What’s left in his imagination when Sunoo’s already bare as it is?

Sunoo almost loses his balance when he props his arms up on the floor to push himself up. His legs shake when he kneels, and he sees Sunghoon looking at him in intrigue. "You okay?" Sunghoon asks.

Sunoo nods and slaps Sunghoon’s hand away from his dick, replacing the digits with his mouth in one fell swoop. He hears Sunghoon curse above him and sinks deeper when fingers pull at his hair. He looks up at Sunghoon, his eyes dazed and unfocused. It feels like déjà vu when Sunghoon pulls his dick out to circle the head on Sunoo’s plump lips. He slaps it against Sunoo’s cheeks and hisses at the vibrations before letting Sunoo blow him once more.

It didn’t take long for Sunghoon to finally release. And with a mischievous wink, Sunoo swallows all of him down his throat.

Chapter Text

Sunoo watches his mother apply a coat of lipstick to her lips. She still uses the bullet lipstick she bought in Hong Kong the last time they visited. It’s an expensive piece, mostly because of the glass container that was sculpted like a dragon. She had her name engraved at the bottom to make it personalized. But Sunoo thinks it’s an ugly shade of red. The orange undertones don’t suit his mother’s complexion. Of course, he doesn’t tell her out loud. She’d be heartbroken if she knew her son didn’t see her as beautifully as he did before.

She’s getting ready for a party that she and Sunoo’s dad are invited to. It’s a formal dinner to commemorate the groundbreaking of the new hospital that their partners are building. Sunoo doesn’t know much about it except for the fact that he doesn’t want to go because there are people there he doesn’t want to meet.

Sunoo’s mother fixes her perfectly coiffed hair and pulls her satin shawl tighter around her shoulders. "You sure you don’t want to come?" she asks without letting her eyes off of her reflection in the mirror.

"I’m sure," Sunoo responds as he leans against the doorway. He’s pretty sure that there’s an unspoken rule for him not to be there. He’s got an invitation, but no one really expects him to come. His parents are a different story, though. They were some of the people who funded the project. Sunoo is just their kid.

Sunoo’s mother sighs and looks at him with that motherly gaze that Sunoo hates. It’s so out of character for his mother to be this way. And usually, she makes him feel small and fragile. He’s none of those things.

"Darling, it’s been years. You have to let your anger go."

Sunoo wants to scoff. How can he just forget that his first love cheated on him? It’s a difficult thing to accomplish, especially when he’s not really trying to move on. He’s just masking everything with warm bodies and empty arrangements. The hate and anger he felt still lingered. No one can take that away from him.

"It’s not like that, mom," Sunoo says, with an innocent smile on his face. "I’m really busy with school work. I have three case studies this week and I haven’t done any of them." Another lie. He was done with them three days ago. He even finished the last one while getting his back blown out.

But for the sake of his sanity and his mother’s, he lies. He doesn’t usually do it unless other people’s feelings are at stake. To this day, neither of his parents know of the treachery that Hyunjin committed against him. They thought he had just changed his mind about the relationship and that he got angry because Hyunjin wasn't giving him attention. While that’s half true, they don’t know where that attention is diverted.

And the worst part? Hyunjin’s actually engaged to that guy, the one Sunoo caught he was fucking. The pinching sensation in his chest still comes from time to time whenever he thinks about it. But it’s not worth acknowledging anymore. He thinks that if he ignores it long enough, it will eventually disappear.

But feelings don’t work that way. Even if his mind forgets or at least goes numb with the memory, his heart will still mourn the end of his first love.

So, he turns down the invitation under the guise of busying himself with work. When his mother kisses him in the temple and says that someday, he will find the guy of his dreams, he smiles. The guy of his dreams… Does he have to sleep just to meet him?

Eventually, his mother exits the bedroom and descends the stairs with him. He meets his father’s stoic demeanor and half-hugs him before kissing his mother goodbye.

"Don’t stay up too late," she says.

"I’ll try."

His father squeezes his shoulder. It was neither warm nor cold, typical of his father. And then, he watches them as they exit the door.

With nothing better to do on a Saturday evening, Sunoo decides to watch a movie in his room. It’s been a while since he’s done anything interesting. He doesn’t have a lot of hobbies now that he’s picked up drinking. But draining their bar is pathetic, and he doesn’t want to be an alcoholic. He used to read books for pleasure, but the many cases and scientific journals he had to digest in a week ruined reading for him forever.

Movies it is.

There’s nothing particularly interesting that comes to mind, so he chooses a random movie on Netflix and settles against his pillows. He tries his best to focus on the images, but the film is quite slow-paced and none of the characters fully stand out to him.

Until a racy scene comes on that piques Sunoo’s attention. The female protagonist gets drunk in a club and makes eyes with a guy across the room. He’s quite pale and slim, but tall and has bushy eyebrows that make him look mature. He looks familiar in a way.

Then they make out in the dim bathroom. The girl hooks her legs around the guy’s waist and they fuck in a stall. It was hot and Sunoo could feel his erection coming to life. But his dumb brain doesn’t focus entirely on the scene. He, instead, questions how unsanitary the whole thing is. Club bathrooms aren’t particularly the cleanest places on earth. It smells like pee, alcohol, and some form of drug. The graffiti is usually tasteless and generally phallic in nature.

He thinks he wouldn’t appreciate it if he were being fucked in a club bathroom.

His hand creeps up under his stomach anyway, and he presses a finger where his head should be. He sighs as it grows harder and he sinks deeper into the bed.

He doesn’t want to be fucked in club bathrooms, but he’s not too opposed to bathroom sex. A clean one, of course. He’d had his fill of shower sex, being pushed against tiled walls and fucked from behind. Having sex in the bathtub is also a personal favorite. He likes the sound of water slapping against his skin. And bathrooms have great acoustics. It turns him on to hear himself and his partner ruin each other.

In moments of desperation when no dick is available, he also experiments with the water pressure in his shower. He puts the shower head directly on his ass or dick and appreciates the vibrations being sent to his skin. He masturbated with a ring of soft loofah once too. And when all the deeds were done, he liked staring at his glowing skin on the steamed surface of the bathroom mirror.

He looks down at his pants and sees a wet spot on the cloth. "Shit."

Has sex become a hobby as well? Is he turning into a nympho? No, after all, his sexual appetite is nothing compared to Sunghoon’s.

Sunghoon.

He looks up at the TV screen again and realizes why the male lead is so familiar. He looks like Sunghoon. His eyebrows and lashes are thick and his skin is pale. If someone sprinkles a few beauty marks on their face, they might look like siblings. The actor’s jaw falls in pleasure as he fucks into the girl. Sunoo thinks Sunghoon doesn’t look like that when he’s lost in pleasure. For starters, he’s a lot prettier. His expressions are a lot sexier.

"Fuck, I’m so hard."

Sunoo presses his legs together and gets his hands off of himself. He turns his attention back to the movie, which becomes boring again. He’s already forgotten names and faces. And half the plot of the film. His mind lingers on the pulsing in his pants and the clenching of his hole. His hips involuntarily twitch when the cloth of his pants brushes over his erection.

Something must have possessed Sunoo. That's really the only reason he could think of as to why he was reaching up for his phone on the nightstand to dial Sunghoon’s number. He opens the drawer on his nightstand and takes out his favorite paraphernalia. They’re locked away in a box for his eyes—and use—only. He puts the bottle of lube and the dildo beside him as he waits for Sunghoon to pick up the call.

Sunghoon answers on the third ring. "Sunoo?"

"Hey. Where are you?" Sunoo’s voice wavers. He clears his throat to mask the anticipation in his voice. He’s excited to be pleasured in any way, but he can’t have Sunghoon think he’s hot shit. He can stroke Sunghoon’s ego, but not too much. Otherwise, Sunghoon would think he’s boring. Maybe that’s also the reason why he’s breaking his own rules by calling him. It’s something different. It keeps Sunghoon on his toes.

"At my apartment. Why are you calling me? I thought you didn’t like calls." There was amusement and intrigue in Sunghoon’s voice. Sunoo bites his lip when he hears Sunghoon chuckle. His voice sounds nice when he laughs. His dick twitches.

"No," Sunoo clarifies. "I just don’t like you calling me."

Sunghoon scoffs on the other line. "Right. Because you’re the only one allowed to bend your own rules, is that it?"

How about you bend me over instead? Sunoo thinks to himself. But he doesn’t say it out loud and instead agrees with Sunghoon.

"What do you want?" Sunghoon doesn’t sound annoyed or burdened by his call. He’s always so cool and nonchalant about everything. So careless.

"Nothing. Just wanted to hear your voice," Sunoo teases with a kittenish voice. He smiles at his phone while massaging his thighs. There’s a particularly sensitive spot on the inside of his thighs that makes him reel.

He hears Sunghoon shift on the other side of the call. "Uh-huh. I’m not dumb, Sunoo. What is it?"

Sunoo lets out a breath and looks at the TV screen. The movie is still playing, but it’s already been muted. Now, the main leads are talking to each other. Flirting, it seems. "I was just watching this movie and the guy looks like you."

"Hmm… He’s hot, then?"

Sunoo laughs. "Kinda." He leans back against the bedframe and squeezes the meatiest part of his thigh. "You’re hotter."

"Yeah?" Sunghoon humors him.

"Yeah."

Sunoo must be out of his mind, or sex-crazed, or both. He’s never called someone to aid him in pleasuring himself. But Sunghoon’s voice already makes him worked up.

"You think I’m hot?"

Sunoo snorts. "Do you think I’d let you fuck me if I thought otherwise?" Sure, Sunoo is superficial. He does judge a book by its cover. But you don’t need to know about a person’s hobbies or aspirations in life to get dicked down. Plus, he has an affinity for pretty people. It makes him cum more easily while looking at the faces they make.

"I guess not," Sunghoon chuckles. "What about me is hot, though?"

"Everything." Sunoo stands by his word. No matter how annoying Sunghoon is, he can’t deny the fact that he’s probably the prettiest he’d let in his ass.

"Nuh-uh, Sunoo. You have to be more specific than that," Sunghoon says, as if he’s leading their recitations in the classroom. "You won’t get full points if your answers aren’t particular."

Sunoo rolls his eyes but answers anyway. Somehow, Sunghoon’s teasing only turns him on more. "Hmm… Your body. I like the way your muscles look, especially when you roll up your sleeves. Your veins look hot."

"Uh-huh. What else?" Sunghoon’s voice became quieter, and Sunoo could imagine him shifting where he was. Is he on his bed? Or on the couch? Or maybe he's working at his desk? Is he rubbing his hands on his body like Sunoo does now?

Sunoo moans slightly. "Hmm… Your face when you look at me under you. Your eyes always look hazy. And I like it when you clench your jaw while pounding into me."

"Shit, Sunoo," Sunghoon curses, making Sunoo giggle in triumph. He traces his length above the cloth of his pants and bites his lip when the wet spot grows bigger.

"And your cock, of course," he says. He hears Sunghoon groan. "I like to suck your dick and feel you in my throat. And I like it when you go rough on me that it almost hurts. I like it when you slap it on my face."

Sunghoon practically growls on the other line. "You’re a demon. You’re the actual fucking devil. I’m so fucking hard right now. You have to take responsibility for this, Kim Sunoo."

Sunoo laughs like a brat. He likes how he always gets away with things. He’s spoiled in every way. "You’re hard right now? Are you imagining me?"

"I always fantasize about you," Sunghoon confesses. The revelation chokes Sunoo. It knocks the air right out of his lungs. Sunghoon thinks about him while his hands are in his pants. He imagines Sunoo’s hands around his length or his hole swallowing him whole. And, fuck, that is hot.

"I want to suck your dick right now. Want you in my mouth."

"Yeah? Put your fingers in your mouth right now," Sunghoon commands. Sunoo doesn’t ask how many, but he puts his index and middle finger quickly between his lips. He sucks on them, licks them, and coats them with his saliva. He lets his lips pucker with the pressure. They make wet sounds with every thrust.

He closes his eyes and imagines it’s Sunghoon’s member. But his dainty fingers are nowhere near the length or girth that Sunghoon has. There are no veiny surfaces, no scrotum that slaps on his chin. But it’ll do for the moment. He doesn’t have a choice.

He hears Sunghoon chuckle maniacally on the other line. "I can hear you. Damn. You’re already moaning from just your fingers? Just from imagining my dick in you? You’re unbelievable."

Sunoo ignores him and lets his tongue wrap around his digits. The skin starts to prune with how wet they are.

"You having fun?" Sunoo moans in response. "Take them out and play with your nipples."

"Sunghoon…"

"Go on. Let your hands creep under your shirt and play with them, Sunoo," he explains, as if Sunoo were a child. It’s degrading and pathetic. And it makes Sunoo want to fuck himself quickly.

He does as he’s told and takes his wet fingers to his chest. Tentatively, he touches one bud. He jolts at the sensation and bites his lip when it hardens against his touch.

"How does it feel? Tell me." Sunghoon’s voice sounds like it dropped an octave lower. It makes Sunoo’s toes curl when he does that, when he asserts his dominance over him. He thinks his voice is sexy too.

"So good… I’m so sensitive here. I feel like I’m being electrified."

"Are your nipples hard and red right now?"

"Yes… I wish you were biting me here. You’re always good with your mouth."

Sunghoon curses on the other line. "You and that mouth of yours. I’m gonna lick your nipples until they’re rock hard. And I’ll bite it with my teeth lightly because you like that, right? You like when I’m rough?" Sunoo groans in agreement, too lost in the sensations on his body. "Then, I’d play with them with my fingers. I’ll pinch them." Sunoo does so. "And scratch them until you moan like that."

"Sunghoon… I need more…" he begs.

"More?" Sunghoon laughs lowly. "You need to say the magic word, baby."

"Not your baby," Sunoo still reminds, despite the shakiness of his voice. Sunghoon must not forget.

"That’s not the magic word. Say ‘please’, Sunoo."

Much to his disappointment, Sunoo’s pride can sometimes be nonexistent when talking about his pleasure. He’s ready to give up just about anything if it means getting him off.

So, despite his inner-self slapping him, he whispers, "I need more, Sunghoon. Please… Please…" He sounds pathetic, like a whore desperate for release.

"Good boy." Sunoo groans at the praise too. "What are you wearing down there?"

Sunoo momentarily looks down on himself. His gray sweatpants are definitely ruined now. But, no matter. He can buy another pair next time he shops.

"Sweatpants," he says. Sunghoon tells him to pull them down up to the bottom of his knees. Sunoo hisses when the cool air envelopes his searing skin. He saw his dick twitch, and he could feel his hole flutter underneath.

"Then touch yourself, but don’t take your underwear off. Just lightly graze your skin on your head."

Sunoo smirks. Sunghoon doesn’t realize that he’s gone commando for the day. "But, Sunghoon…" he whispers the next part seductively. "I’m not wearing any underwear."

"Fuck…" Sunoo giggles. He waits for Sunghoon to speak again. His hand is still suspended in the air, awaiting his next instructions eagerly. "That’s a mistake on my part, huh?"

"Definitely."

"You’re a maniac," Sunghoon groans. "Then, tell me. How hard are you right now? Is your small dick red and erect?"

There he goes again with his degradation. Yet it doesn’t make Sunoo feel insecure. He wants Sunghoon to put him in his place. "Yes. It’s so hard against my stomach. I’m leaking already. I’m so wet."

"Yes, babe? Wet for me?"

"So fucking wet for you, Sunghoon."

"Hey, you never call me ‘hyung’, you realize that?"

Sunoo stills and looks at his phone, hoping that Sunghoon can see his judging glare. He doesn’t know if it’s appropriate or if they’re at that level. Sure, they fuck, but Sunghoon is his TA. And the intimacy of their relationship in that aspect is different in nature.

"Try it just this once."

Sunoo smirks. "Oh, you have a hyung kink, don’t you?"

He hears Sunghoon swallow. "And what about it? You like it when I slap your ass, I like it when I hear someone moan ‘hyung’ to me."

"You’re a pervert."

"And I’m not gonna help you out if you sass me."

"Touchy." Sunoo clicks his tongue. "Then… What are you doing now, hyung?" He makes sure to use a suggestive tone when he says the honorific. And judging by the long, drawn-out sigh from the other end, Sunghoon must have been turned on.

"I’m playing with myself right now. You know how I always get hard quickly when it comes to you. I wish you were here tonguing on the slit of my cock. You’re good with that sarcastic mouth of yours."

It felt like too much, but not enough. Sunoo whines when his dick twitches again. "Are you naked?"

"No. I just have my pants down."

"Are you wearing glasses?"

Sunghoon full-on laughs. "Remind me to get anti-fog glasses next time so I can fuck you with them."

"Oh, hyung…" Sunoo whines. "I’d like that. I’d like that so much. You look so sexy with your glasses on," he spills, letting the honorific slip this time. "Hyung… I want to touch myself."

"You can, baby. You want to touch your dick?"

"Uh-huh. Please?"

"Go ahead. You have lube with you?" Sunoo sighs out "yes" and gets the bottle beside him. He puts his phone between his shoulder and ears to pop the bottle open. "Put it directly on your head and tell me how you feel."

Sunoo shakes as he does so, feeling the shock of the lube’s temperature against his burning skin. "Nnghh… Hyung… It’s cold."

"How does it feel? Does it hurt?"

"No," he says. "It feels good. But I wasn’t prepared for it. You always warm it up in your hands before you touch me. You always rub it around your fingers first before you put it in my hole."

"Ahh… Sunoo… Jerk yourself off slowly. Let your palms drag on your skin, okay?"

"Yes, hyung," Sunoo obediently replies. He lets his thumb circle the head, and he digs into the slit, letting a broken moan escape his lips. "Hyung, it feels so good. My head is so red."

"Fuck, baby, that’s it. Jerk your tiny cock off. I’d lick it if I were there. You always taste so sweet."

Clear liquid spurts from his cock, and Sunoo spreads it along with the lube. He doesn’t forget about his scrotum. He squeezes them lightly as he speaks. "Ah… Hyung… Am I good with my hands when I jerk you off? Do you like my fingers wrapped around you?"

"Yes, baby. Fuck. You’re so good with your hands when you play with me. I like it when you apply just the right amount of pressure. But I like your mouth even better. You always suck me so well. It’s like your mouth’s molded just to suck my dick."

"Oh… Hyung…" Despite restraining himself, Sunoo’s hand grows faster. He imagines the look on Sunghoon’s face whenever he plays with the latter’s dick. Sunghoon always looked dazed, his eyes clouded, and his lips red like cherries because he would bite them so hard. "Hyung, fuck me. I need your dick inside me, please."

"Shit, Sunoo. I like it when you’re like this. Such a fucking dirty whore."

"Yes, I’m a whore, hyung. You can use me like a fucking whore." Sunoo’s not so much of a fan of dirty talk, but in this situation, it’s imperative to sound as needy and as graphic as possible. He needs the pictures in his head and the desperate pleas, no matter how vulgar and provocative they may be.

"God… You’re ruthless, huh? Want me to fuck you? Want me to fill you up with my dick?"

"Yes, hyung… I want your dick in me." There’s no mistaking the slapping noises from the other side. As much as he’s enjoying his time playing this game with Sunghoon, it seems like the latter is also having some fun of his own.

"Yeah? Take your pants off all the way and spread your legs. Hyung’s gonna finger you until you cry."

And cry he does. When Sunghoon instructed him to put his fingers inside and play with his prostate, Sunoo didn’t think it would take fifteen whole minutes. He’d hear Sunghoon stop him from the other line, and he’d instantly freeze, whining as the feeling of being edged squeezed his belly.

One of his legs ended up getting pushed back until it was pressing against his shoulder. He had to put Sunghoon on speaker just to navigate the physics of his position. Three fingers in and his other hand around his dick, not to jerk it off but to squeeze at the base so he won’t cum.

"Hyung… I can’t anymore. I’m too loose. I’m ready for you. Just fuck me, please."

"My baby’s needy." Sunoo is too out of it to reprimand Sunghoon at this point. "You got your toy out?"

"Yes, play with me, hyung."

On Sunghoon’s command, Sunoo slides the dildo inside him inch by inch until the flared end hits his butt cheeks. He slaps one cheek when Sunghoon tells him so, and they both groan in unison as they hear the wet sound. If Sunghoon did that to him, his ass would surely be bruised.

"You like that in you, baby?"

"Yes, hyung. But your dick is better. It’s a lot bigger. You stretch me out so well."

"Ah… Your ass is so tight that you want to stretch it out with my dick?"

"Yes…" He pulls and pushes the dick in a rhythm that Sunghoon set. It’s too slow, so he whines and complains. With a little more begging, he convinces Sunghoon to amp up the pace. He practically screams and he lets his back arch every time it hits his prostate.

"Baby, fuck. Go faster for hyung, huh? I want to hear you moan. I want to hear your dirty sounds."

"Hyung, I’m a slut for your dick. You can r-ruin… me… Ahh!" The heat in his stomach spreads like wildfire, and he feels himself starting to unravel. "Hyung… Oh, hyung, you’re gonna make me cum. I’m so close."

"You’re close now, baby?" Sunghoon sounds breathless. It’s like he’s been running a marathon with how erratic his breathing is. "Can you wait for a little bit with hyung?"

Sunoo bites his lips and takes it like a champ. His jaw slackens when he hears Sunghoon’s broken moans, a rarity. "Hyung… Hurry. I can’t take it anymore." His muscles burn and he’s sweating bullets. And all he wants to do is find his release.

"Ah… Baby, come. Come with hyung now…"

Sunoo lets himself lean down against his pillows with his back arched in the air. He cums with a long moan, calling Sunghoon’s name. Sunghoon-hyung… Sunghoon-hyung… Ribbons of white find their way to his exposed stomach and some land on his soft thighs. He feels his blood rush. His veins thrum with electricity. And his whole body twitches as he comes down from his high.

Phone sex isn’t so bad after all.

Sunghoon does the same on the other end. His moans are high-pitched and filled with perverted words, mostly directed at Sunoo and how he wants to cum on his pretty face. Sunoo could imagine him with his brows drawn together and his jaw clenched tightly as he hissed. The veins in his arms pop, and his face and neck flush.

For a moment, Sunoo just laid there, catching his breath. He’s completely naked from the waist down, and if someone unexpectedly barges into his room, they’ll be able to witness his messy, naked glory. Good thing he’s got the whole house to himself.

Sunghoon breaks the silence with laughter. "I’m so fucking stupid."

"What?"

"We could’ve video-called. I could’ve seen you."

Sunoo snorts. "What’s the fun in that? It’s good to use our imaginations sometimes. Whenever we meet up, I get nothing to hide."

"Right."  His phone dings. "I sent you something."

Sunoo scrunches his face and lazily reaches out for his phone. It was a message notification from Sunghoon. Then it dings again. Sunghoon sent him two pictures. The first one is a photo of his glorious dick. It’s still hard and heavy in his hands. His slender fingers are wrapped around the base, and some droplets of cum trickle down from the head. There were some spurts on his black slacks as well.

The second one was a selfie. Sunghoon is pouting his lips. His face is as red as a tomato. His forehead and hair are drenched in sweat. And the glasses he’s wearing is slightly foggy. It made Sunoo laugh.

"You like?"

"Yeah…" Sunoo snaps a picture of himself. Instead of the dildo, though, he stuffed his fingers inside him slightly and angled his phone to let Sunghoon see the mess he made. Sunghoon groans when he sees it.

"Fuck, you’re so pretty. Even when you’re a mess, you’re perfect."

Sunoo keens at the compliment. "You made me like this, hyung. It’s all your fault."

"You’re the one who dialed my number!'' They both laugh. But when their chuckles subsided, Sunghoon said, "You forgot to send another one?"

"What other one?"

"A selfie. Want to see you pout your lips."

Sunoo rolls his eyes. "No, I don’t want to."

"Aw, baby. Even here, you won’t kiss me?" Sunghoon teases. Sunoo knows it’s meant to be a joke, but he can’t help but feel that Sunghoon means it somehow. God knows how many times he’s looked at Sunoo’s lips for a kiss. But Sunoo rejects his advances every time.

It’s petty. And at times, he thinks he should just do it to end Sunghoon’s suffering. But then he’d do it at the expense of his own. He’s already gotten over many of his insecurities. He doesn’t want a rehash of his worst one.

"Sunoo? You there?"

"Yeah," Sunoo snaps back to reality. "Uhm… I’ll go now. I haven’t eaten dinner yet, so…"

"Oh, okay then. Go have dinner." Sunghoon doesn’t sound offended by the fact that Sunoo really just used him to have sex on the phone. But to be fair, there’s nothing more for them to do. They’ve already finished and they’ve already been satisfied. There’s nothing different from when Sunoo comes back to his dorm from Sunghoon’s apartment.

"Alright. Thanks for… Yeah. I’ll go. Bye."

"Bye."

As the weeks pass by, it has become apparent that Park Jay is going to be a permanent fixture not only in Jungwon’s but also in Sunoo’s life as Jungwon’s partner-in-crime. Sunoo isn’t really surprised. It was going to be inevitable, anyway, but he finds himself actually enjoying Jay’s company whenever he tags along to their "dates". They’re not really "dates", according to Jungwon. Sunoo doesn’t think Jay classifies it like that either, after knowing his intentions for Jungwon the first time they went to brunch.

But Sunoo is not stupid. He has perfectly functioning eyes that can see how happy the both of them are whenever they’re together. At least Jungwon realizes it. He thinks it would take a little more time for Jay as well. To him, this is still purely business. The only question is how long Jungwon can put up with it. How long will he be able to pretend that he’s okay with this arrangement when it’s obvious that he’s falling deeper and deeper for Jay?

At some point, he’d have to confess. Bottling up those intense emotions isn't going to end well.

Sunoo witnessed the onset of Jungwon’s explosion one Friday night when the latter texted him, asking to sleep over in his dorm room. He said Jay would drop him off after dinner and would be there around 9PM.

When he read the text, he was just finishing up at Sunghoon’s apartment.

"What’s wrong?" Sunghoon asks when he sees Sunoo frowning at his phone. He puts his arms around Sunoo’s waist from the back and kisses his still-naked shoulders. "Bad news?"

"No," Sunoo answers while picking up his shirt on the desk. "Just Jungwon asking to sleep over. That’s weird. He’s never slept over after going out with Jay." Sunghoon chuckles against his nape breathily. They both find it weird that Jay is friends with Sunghoon and that Jay is engaged to Jungwon. It’s like they’re deceiving their friends.

"Bad date, maybe?"

If that’s the case, then that’s not really good. Maybe Jungwon finally confessed and Jay rejected him. However, not to be biased, but Sunoo thinks Jay would’ve been an idiot if he really did that. And why would he do that when both of them are getting along well? Or maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with Jay. Maybe Jungwon was upset for another reason entirely.

"I have to go," Sunoo says, as he puts on his shirt. "I need to clean up first before he arrives."

Sunghoon pouts. "It’s too early. Can’t you stay for a bit?"

"What for? I already made you come twice."

But Sunghoon is relentless. He’s libido personified. He pulls Sunoo by the waist and whispers in his ear. "Just a quick one before you go?"

"No."

"Please?"

An hour later—after humoring Sunghoon and letting himself get fucked while draped on the back of Sunghoon’s couch—Sunoo patiently waits for Jungwon’s arrival in front of his building. Jay’s black Volvo pulls up. The car barely stops when Jungwon all but flings the door open to exit. His mouth is upturned, and his eyes look lifeless.

"Hey," Sunoo greets him. He managed a small smile, but Jungwon obviously looked sad. Sunoo gives him his keys and tells him to wait inside for a bit. Jungwon hesitates before doing as he’s told. When he disappears inside the building, Sunoo walks over to the driver’s side of the car and knocks on Jay’s window.

Jay rolls it down, revealing an equally lifeless face. Something must have happened.

"Hey, is everything alright? What was that?" Sunoo said as he gestured to the building.

Jay lets out a deep breath and slumps back in his seat. He rakes his hair with his fingers and looks at Sunoo. "I don’t know. I must have said or done something. I don’t even know what. But he just got mad, I think? I asked him if he was mad, but he wasn't telling me anything." Jay sighs in resignation. "Can you talk to him? I want to fix this, but I really have no idea what I did."

Sunoo gives Jay a sympathetic smile. At the end of the day, he’s really just a guy who’s oblivious to his own actions. Sunoo is going to find out what Jungwon’s deal is. "I’ll handle it. You drive safely, okay?"

Jay nods and finally backs out of the driveway.

When Sunoo makes it back to his dorm room, he finds Jungwon sitting on his bed. His eyes are downcast and close to tears. In a moment of panic, Sunoo hurries beside him and gathers him in his arms, letting the latter cry silently on his shoulder. He rubs circles on his back and waits for Jungwon to speak. Maybe he doesn’t need to. Maybe this is enough.

But Jungwon eventually breaks away from his embrace and wipes his fat tears with the back of his hands. "Sorry, that was lame."

"It’s alright," Sunoo says empathically. "You wanna talk about it?"

Jungwon sniffles and purses his lips. He looks like he’s trying to find the right words to say. "I was just having a really tough day because of classes. I was looking forward to meeting Jay-hyung, but he ran into his ex." Sunoo winces. So far, this conversation is not going well.

Jungwon huffs. "I guess it was my fault for asking, but I was curious about how they ended up together and how they separated. And apparently, he was Jay-hyung’s first love. But they didn’t end up together because of some things he didn’t want to talk about."

Sunoo pats his hair, allowing the younger to fall back on his shoulders. "It’s so dumb," Jungwon adds. "I got insecure because of that. I don’t even have the right to be jealous."

"You kinda do. You’re his fiance."

"Yes, but I’m not his boyfriend."

Any other day, Sunoo would’ve said that Jungwon shouldn’t cry because of a guy. He would’ve told him that his tears were wasted on someone who didn’t deserve him. Sunoo would’ve said to forget about it, move on, and find some other guy who’s less obnoxious. But Sunoo has also fallen in love once. And when you're too deep in that kind of feeling, sometimes irrationality takes over. It’s not that easy to just get out and forget about it.

"Hyung, I’m so dumb."

"You’re not dumb. You like him," Sunoo says. But then his lips crack into a small smile when he realizes how Jungwon called him. "Hyung? When was the last time you called me that?"

He hears Jungwon click his tongue. The younger looks directly at him and frowns. "You told me I could drop the honorifics when we entered university."

"I guess I did." Despite that, it’s apparent who the younger one in this relationship is. Jungwon might be smart and mature for his age, but he still acts like a typical baby brother at times. And sometimes, Sunoo feels guilty that he’s not too wise or equipped with the right things to say to guide Jungwon through the realities of life.

That night, they slept beside each other, much like how they used to do when they were kids.

"Sorry about tonight. Did I cut your dick appointment short?"

Sunoo snorts. "What?"

Jungwon suddenly puts his hand out of the blanket to press on the exposed skin between Sunoo’s neck and shoulder. It felt tender, like a fresh bruise, because it is a fresh bruise. He curses Sunghoon in his mind for leaving marks.

Sunoo slaps Jungwon’s hand away. "No, you didn’t. And you know, you always come first. Well, most of the time at least."

They both chuckle. "Is that still the guy you met during the orientation?" Sunoo purses his lips but slightly nods. "Oh. I didn’t expect him to last this long. He must be good then."

"He’s alright," Sunoo nonchalantly answers. "I just can’t be bothered to find a new one, that’s all." Or, at least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.

"Alright, we’ll start the reporting for the case studies next week. I hope everyone prepares well because this makes up twenty percent of your grade," the professor reminds the class before packing up his things. Behind him, Sunoo sees Sunghoon put his laptop in his bag. They met eyes, giving each a secret smile since they had planned to meet up after classes. But the professor called out to Sunoo as soon as he descended from his seat.

"Oh, Sunoo." He had a blank look on his face. "I need to see you and Sunghoon in my office after this." Sunoo and Sunghoon exchange surprised expressions. Sunoo couldn’t help but swallow a lump in his throat because shit. Maybe the professor finally found out about the two of them and the forbidden affair that they were engaging in.

They have been very careful, though. After the library thing, they never attempted to do anything while still inside the campus. Sunghoon also stopped subtly flirting with him during classes because he threatened not to see him for another two weeks if he did. Everything that they did in Sunghoon’s apartment was kept under wraps. But now, it will all come down to this. Sunoo doesn’t think he’ll be expelled for this, not with his family’s influence, but that would mean his parents would be informed. He can already imagine the disappointment in his father’s eyes and the pitiful look in his mother’s gaze, wondering where they went wrong.

The professor walks ahead of them on the way to his office. Sunoo and Sunghoon walk side by side with confused looks on their faces. Sunoo takes his phone out and texts Sunghoon, so the professor won’t hear his panicked thoughts.

"You know what this is about?"

"No," Sunghoon replies subtly.

"Shit. Did he find out about us?"

"I don’t know."

Sunoo winces when he reads the message. He looks up at Sunghoon only to see his grim expression as well. He momentarily forgets that Sunghoon will also be punished if the university finds out that he’s sleeping with Sunoo. Sunoo frowns and lets himself calm down, despite it being a meaningless effort.

"Calm down for now," Sunghoon writes. "I’ll figure something out if anything happens."

It wasn’t reassuring. If worse comes to worst, Sunghoon won’t be able to do anything to convince Sunoo’s parents that he’s a disappointment.

They made it to the professor’s office, and they were both instructed to sit down in front of the desk. The professor still sports a blank face even after sitting down. Sunoo’s chest feels like it’s going to explode any minute, but he tries to find his composure. Opposite him, Sunghoon looked ten times paler than usual.

"Well, I called you here today because I have something important to tell you," the professor says, with a serious tone. "Both of you are brilliant students. Especially you, Sunghoon. I’ve known you for many years now, and I know that you did all this because of your hard work." Sunghoon nods, but his lips are still drawn in a line. "And you, Sunoo. You’re still in your first year, so I have no doubt that you will only get better."

Sunoo watches the professor carefully in an attempt to figure out why he has been invited to his office with Sunghoon. The professor retrieves something from his drawer. They were two pieces of paper which he slid onto his desk for Sunoo and Sunghoon. "These are invitations to a biology conference in Daegu. They invited me to be a speaker and asked me to bring two other students who could attend to encourage the next generation regarding cancer research in the country. The two of you came to mind immediately when I received these, so I am inviting both of you to accompany me this weekend."

Sunoo gets the paper on the desk and feels his legs turn to jelly. The relief that washed over him felt more like a tsunami than a wave. Sunghoon lightened up as well, the color blooming back on his face as soon as he read the invitation. "You called us for this?" he asked. "I’d be delighted to join, sir!"

"I’m glad to hear that, Sunghoon. I knew I could count on you." Then the professor turns to Sunoo. "How about you, Mr. Kim? Would you like to join us?"

He bites his lip for a moment. "This is going to be this coming weekend? May I know possible accommodations so I may prepare? I’m sorry to ask. It’s just that my parents can be fussy when it comes to this stuff." The professor smiles, probably knowing his father’s affinity for the dramatics when it comes to his son.

"Of course. We’ll be leaving on Saturday morning. The conference will be held at the Golden Fleece Hotel. The hosts have already paid for our rooms, meals, and all that. Then we’ll have dinner on Sunday night before leaving."

Sunoo accepts the invitation and thanks the professor before leaving. The two of them eventually find themselves tumbling in Sunghoon’s bed, fucking more so to ease their nerves. They really thought someone had finally caught them.

"Do you think we’ll share a room?" Sunghoon asks him while gasping against his chest.

Sunoo rolls his eyes. "I hope not."

"Why?" Sunghoon pouts petulantly. "I’m a good roommate."

"Yeah. Well, knowing you and your nonexistent control over your sexual appetite, you’d probably convince me to fuck nonstop over the weekend." Sunghoon smirks. "I’d rather not let the professor see me limping. He’d either find it suspicious or automatically assume I’m a slut."

"But you are, baby," Sunghoon jokes, whispering seductively in his ear. "You’re a slut for me."

Sunoo pushes him off lightly and gathers his clothes. "We’re going there purely for academic purposes."

"Yes, and I want to study your body."

"Fuck you." Sunghoon laughs.

Luckily, the hosts of the conference were kind enough to provide them with separate rooms. Sunoo almost laughed when he saw Sunghoon frown upon realizing it. Don’t get him wrong, he loves spreading his legs for Sunghoon any chance he gets, but there are times when he can’t keep up with the latter’s sex drive. He doesn’t want to let Sunghoon fuck him until his ass falls off. But maybe he could pay a visit to the TA later just so he’d stop sulking.

The whole conference was pretty straightforward. It involved recent progress in cancer research in South Korea as well as some lectures about international discoveries. Their biology professor discussed CRISPR while Sunoo pretended he understood what he was saying. He looks over at Sunghoon, who is seriously taking down notes, then remembers that there’s a reason why he was invited here as well. Perhaps Sunoo should listen attentively and not get distracted by the rounds of champagne that come by their table.

By the fifth lecture—a rehashing of using stem cells in cancer treatment—Sunoo was already bored out of his mind. He slightly regrets accepting the invitation here when it seems like he doesn’t belong. He barely understands the lectures, and the suit that their professor made them wear feels uncomfortable. He wants nothing but to change into more comfortable sweatpants.

"Ah, those lectures were brilliant, don’t you think? As they exit the event hall, their professor asks them to go back to their rooms. It was well past four PM and they all decided to eat dinner by themselves. Their professor will be meeting with his colleagues, Sunghoon will visit the buffet, and Sunoo will opt for room service. He can’t be bothered to move. Maybe he can take a quick nap, too.

"I especially like the stem cell lecture by Dr. Hopkins," Sunghoon comments. "I’ve been following him since last year and I think it would be a good opportunity to have a conversation with him tomorrow."

"That would be good, Sunghoon. Who knows? If he’s looking for new mentees, you can take up an internship abroad." They get into the elevator, and their professor pushes the button to take them to their floor. Subtly, Sunoo feels Sunghoon’s hand creeping up his backside to give it a discreet pinch. Annoyed, he elbows him. Sunghoon masks his pained groan behind a cough. "How about you, Sunoo? Anything interesting?"

Sunoo smiles and pretends he’s interested in the conversation. "Not to be a kiss-ass, but I did like your presentation on CRISPR, professor. It’s a fairly recent technique, and I think it would be interesting to witness its progress not only in cancer research but in dealing with different genetic disorders."

The professor seemed satisfied with his answer. "Ah, you really are a good one. In a couple of years, if you’re interested, you can TA for me. Or be my research assistant just like Sunghoon. Just don’t be like him."

Sunoo huffs. "Why is that?"

The professor shrugs. "He likes it when students flirt with him. Boosts his ego."

Sunoo wants to say that Sunghoon doesn’t just flirt. He also blows one of his students’ back on a regular basis. But he doesn’t say those words out loud, for obvious reasons. Sunghoon pinches his butt cheek once again when the professor looks at his watch.

The elevator dings and they finally exit. The professor bids them farewell for the day and reminds them of their dinner appointment for tomorrow before they leave for Seoul. They all swipe the keycards to their rooms. As soon as Sunoo steps inside, however, his phone immediately notifies him of a text message.

"Wanna come to my room for a bit?" Sunghoon texts. He rolls his eyes and types in an instant reply.

"I’m tired. I’m gonna wash up and take a nap maybe. Don’t expect anything from me for the rest of the day."

"You’re no fun," Sunghoon replies. "At least check out the bar with me later?"

Sunoo realizes early on that Sunghoon will not take no for an answer. So, for the sake of ending the conversation, he ends it with, "I’ll think about it."

Sunoo did think about it. And he has come to a decision to meet Sunghoon downstairs as long as they are both sure that their professor is out like a light in his hotel room. Technically, they’re not here for vacation, and technically, Sunghoon is still Sunoo’s TA. Other people in the hotel and the event itself don’t know that, but their professor does, and they’re not going to risk it for one night of fun.

Or at least, not when they’re still both sober.

He spots Sunghoon sitting at the bar on the far end of the hall. The lights are dimmed in the hotel bar, and the interior looks quite vintage. The seats are high-backed and leather. There are also two pool tables on the side. They meet eyes when Sunghoon turns toward the entrance, and he gives an impish wink at Sunoo. The latter rolls his eyes as always but joins him on the empty seat beside him. He’s dressed nothing like the prim and proper student earlier at the conference.

“Can I get you a drink?” he teases. He pulls the sleeves of his black turtleneck up to his elbows until the muscles on his forearms are exposed. He’s not wearing glasses like earlier, and his hair is combed down, obscuring his dark brows.

“I can pay for my own tab,” Sunoo says. He hears Sunghoon click his tongue before pulling his bar stool closer to him to snake an arm around his waist. He lets Sunghoon palm at his cinched waist while he’s making an order. He settled for a usual margarita.

“You smell like lavenders,” Sunghoon whispers to him. During his down time, Sunoo took his time washing himself up in the bathtub in his en suite bathroom. He scrubbed the exhausting day away and indulged himself with the complementary soaps available. It just so happens that they do smell like lavender.

“Are you drunk already?” he jokes just as his margarita arrives. Sunghoon chuckles and says no, that he’s not even tipsy yet because the Irish bomb currently in his hand is his first drink of the night.

“Sunoo?” someone calls behind him. Sunoo instantly freezes and pulls away from Sunghoon’s hold. He turns around to see a familiar face smiling to him. “Wow, fancy seeing you here!” Jake says excitedly while stepping forward to hug Sunoo. Unlike during the auction, Jake’s hair is a lot longer and is now bleached to a yellowish-blonde that made him look some sort of a lion.

“Jake-hyung!” Sunoo greets. “Hi. I’m actually here because of a conference. Are you here for vacation?”

Jake shrugs. Sunoo notes that he’s holding a pool cue stick. “Sort of. I’m actually checking in with management. My mom keeps opening hotels and leaving me with all the executive work,” he groans. Sunoo shouldn’t be surprised to know that Jake’s family owns the place, but the realization still hits him like a truck. After exchanging niceties, Jake suddenly turns to Sunghoon before giving Sunoo a knowing look. “And who’s your company?”

“Oh. Hyung, this is Park Sunghoon. He’s a…” Sunoo wonders if introducing Sunghoon as his TA would be a good idea. So he settles for. “...friend.” He doesn’t miss the way Sunghoon raises an eyebrow at him. “He’s also here to attend a conference.”

Jake gives Sunghoon a smile and offers his hand to Sunghoon for a shake. “Pleasure to meet you. I’m Sim Jaeyoon, but just call me Jake. I’m also a friend of Sunoo.”

“Yeah, I remember you,” Sunghoon tells Jake. “You were at the auction a few months ago, right? I was actually there with Dr. Soo.” Jake nods but confesses that he doesn’t remember. “Must be the hair. I bleached it recently as well.”

“I see,” Jake remarks. “Well, I’m actually here with my secretary.” The one he’s fucking, Sunoo thinks. He gestures behind him to point at a taller guy with dark hair who successfully pockets a ball. He calls him over and introduces him to Sunoo and Sunghoon. “This is Heeseung-hyung. Hyung, this is Sunghoon, and this is Sunoo.”

“Ah, Sunoo.” There was a glint in Heeseung’s eyes that made Sunoo realize that he knew something happened between him and Jake in the past. But he doesn’t seem bothered by it. In fact, he gives Sunoo a polite smile. “Jake’s told me about you before.”

Sunoo chuckles. “Only good things, I hope?”

“Oh, the best. Don’t worry.” Then he winks. “Do you guys want to play pool with us? Just something casual.”

Sunghoon instantly accepts the invitation. “Sure. I haven’t played in a while. You?” he asks Sunoo.

Sunoo purses his lips and shakes his head. “I think I’m good for now. I don’t really know how to play.”

But Jake insists and pulls him off of his stool by the arm. “Oh, don’t worry. Heeseung-hyung can teach you the basics.” When a cue stick was thrusted into his hand, Sunoo had no choice but to join.

He and Heeseung occupied one table since no one was playing and Jake and Sunghoon were on the other one. Sunghoon languidly places his glass on the side of the table before leaning down to break the racked balls. The sound of the pool balls echo against the soft bar music. And Sunoo can’t deny how sexy Sunghoon looked at that first shot.

“So,” Sunoo starts a casual conversation while Heeseung puts the balls on the rack. “How long have you and Jake-hyung known each other?”

Heeseung chuckles. He knows Sunoo knows he’s more than just a secretary. “A few months after he met you in Perth.” Sunoo flushes and Heeseung laughs harder when he notices the younger turn into a tomato. “Don’t worry, Jake’s told me all about it. Said it was one of the nights he won’t forget.”

“You don’t take offense in that? I mean, you two are together…” Sunoo hesitates to say.

Surprisingly, Heeseung only shakes his head and gives him a sheepish smile before walking towards his end of the table. “No. Our relationship is quite… unique,” he says. “I love him and he loves me. But sometimes, it’s fine if we let people in.” As soon as Heeseung says it, he holds Sunoo by the waist and slowly pushes his back forward. “You should bend like this so you can see where to hit the cue ball.”

Sunoo swallows hard when he finally understands the implication of this game. Jake and Heeseung aren’t just inviting them to a pool game.

Heeseung carefully guides Sunoo’s hands and basically puppets him to find the right power to hit the cue ball accurately. A few balls sink into the pockets of the table and they both straighten up. “Now, you choose if you want to hit the balls with solid colors or the ones with stripes. Just make sure not to sink the black eight ball until you’ve pocketed all of the balls. And also, don’t sink the cue ball if you can help it.”

Sunoo wets his lips with his tongue and nods when he understands the rules. He goes for the solids and aims at an orange ball. The cue ball hits it, but it doesn’t sink. “My turn,” Heeseung announces. He successfully sinks a ball and moves to the other side of the table to aim for another. During this time, he sneaks a glance over on the other table and sees Sunghoon staring back at him. The latter gets distracted and looks away when he realizes that Jake misses. Jake pouts like a kid and squeezes Sunghoon’s arm when he passes by to aim for another ball.

“Sunoo,” Heeseung calls sweetly. “Your turn.”

He takes a deep breath and focuses on the game. He fails to sink another ball, and before he notices it, Heeseung is already aiming for the eight ball. He smirks at Sunoo and pockets it successfully, ending their game. “That was brutal,” Sunoo says to him. Heeseung chuckles and puts a hand on his waist.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it.” The spot that Heeseung holds burns as they walk over to the other table. They were also finishing up. Sunghoon sinks the winning shot, making Jake groan.

Heeseung takes his hand off Sunoo and opens his arms for his boyfriend. Jake stomps his way to him and lets Heeseung’s arms wind his body before whispering encouragement in his ear. Sunghoon and Sunoo share intrigued looks. “Don’t worry, babe. We’ll get them. You guys wanna play teams?”

Sunghoon looks at Sunoo first, asking for his permission. He figures he’s got nothing better to do for the rest of the night so he nods and watches Sunghoon flip a coin with Heeseung. “You guys want to bet on something for this round?” Sunghoon proposes.

Jake and Heeseung look at each other with scheming smiles on their faces. “Sure,” Jake says. “What would you like us to do if you win?”

“I’m a simple guy. You just got to pay for our tab,” Sunghoon says. Sunoo gives his thumbs up and imagines how many cocktails he’s going to try out. “And if we lose?”

Jake bites his lip and winds an arm around his boyfriend. Heeseung whispers something in his ear which makes him giggle. “You have to drink with us in our room.” Sunoo and Sunghoon share knowing looks. Sunoo doesn’t know how to respond to that but to gulp down in anticipation. His palms start to sweat when Sunghoon tells him to start the game.

Heeseung takes the rack off the organized balls and gives him the cue ball. He positions it on one end of the table and bends down like how Heeseung taught him earlier. The hairs on his nape stand up like someone’s staring at him. When he chances a glance beneath his bangs, he sees Sunghoon, Jake, and Heeseung staring at him. Or more particularly, at his ass. Sunoo bites his lip, knowing that this night may turn out differently than he expected. But between drinking his heart out at the bar or visiting an old fling’s room with two other guys, he knows which one he likes better.

He arches his back and lets his plump cheeks push out more before hitting the cue ball.

Chapter Text

Sunoo has a growing suspicion that Park Sunghoon intentionally pocketed the eight ball that cost them their loss against Heeseung and Jake. The latter won’t be able to blame Sunoo’s amateur skills, after all. Sunghoon definitely faked his grunt when he accidentally sank the eight ball even though there were still solids on the table. Sunoo didn’t miss the collective smile between Heeseung and Jake.

True to their word, Sunoo and Sunghoon follow the other couple to a private elevator that directly connects to Jake’s luxury penthouse. Jake swipes a gold card that activates the elevator, and they all step in. The other couple don’t hesitate to put down their facade and immediately get clingy. Jake rests his back on Heeseung’s chest while the latter winds his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, littering kisses all over his cheeks and neck.

"Oh, you guys would love the wine we brought. I got it in Vienna last year and we only drink it on special occasions."

"Jake is a little bit strict when it comes to wine," Heeseung interjects without disconnecting from his lover. "He only likes the best ones. That's why we always bring a couple of bottles along. He doesn’t like what they serve at the bar and at the restaurant." Sunoo thinks that that’s a problem nobody ever has. Even though he’s on par with Jake when it comes to wealth, even he thinks that’s excessive.

But to each their own, he thinks.

"Do you have any type of wine in mind, Sunghoon?" Jake asks shamelessly. It’s obvious he’s flirting with Sunghoon, and Sunoo has been trying hard to suppress a laugh whenever Sunghoon looks shell-shocked at Jake’s advances.

"I’m no expert," Sunghoon says with a shy smile. "I’m down for whatever."

Jake hums in contemplation. "You and Heeseung-hyung are the same, then. How about you, Sunoo?"

"I fancy a merlot from time to time," Sunoo says, as if he’s an expert. "But anything will do as well."

"Oh, you have an affinity for sweet things. We don’t have merlot, but I’ll reserve the champagne for you," Jake says.

The elevator dings when they reach the highest floor of the hotel. The penthouse is wide and elegant, with white walls and emerald green accents all over. The windows are over twenty feet tall, and half of the place opens onto an outdoor pool. It looks expensive, and it definitely is.

"Please feel free to look around. Heeseung-hyung and I will just prepare our drinks. We’ll be out in a moment." The two disappear somewhere behind Sunoo.

He doesn’t get to fully appreciate the interior because he’s too mesmerized by the view outside. The city lights look beautiful against the darkness of the night. And seeing them from this high up is breathtaking.

"It’s beautiful," Sunghoon tells him as the TA stands beside him, eyes also trained outside. "Like golden glitters or fireflies in a concrete jungle."

Sunoo couldn’t agree more. Sunghoon suddenly stands behind him and puts his arms around Sunoo’s waist. He kisses the younger’s neck and Sunoo lets him, too distracted by the view. Besides, there’s no reason to hide when Jake and Heeseung already have an idea that he and Sunghoon are not ordinary friends.

"Did you purposefully hit that eight ball so we’d lose?" Sunoo asks before he forgets when the wine enters his system.

Sunghoon chuckles against his cheek. "Maybe. Maybe not. You’ll never know."

Sunoo hums. "I’ll say you did that on purpose. Knowing you, your dick’s probably jumping in anticipation to get into Jake-hyung’s ass."

"Oh, please. He wants my dick in his ass," Sunghoon replies.

"You do know that he’s dating Heeseung-hyung, right?"

"Of course," Sunghoon says. "I’m not dumb. But between you and me, I think that Heeseung guy would love to jerk off to his boyfriend getting fucked."

Sunoo winces and flicks Sunghoon’s forehead. "You’re so crass. Sometimes I forget that you’re supposed to be on top of your class."

"Baby, what matters here is that I’m going to be on top of you."

"Alright, lovebirds! Come here and play with us!" Jake calls out while holding four wine glasses and an ice bucket. Behind him, Heeseung carries a tray full of wine and soju bottles, a shot glass, and bowls of nuts and fruits. They put everything down on the coffee table and invited everyone to take a seat.

"Please, help yourselves," Jake says while gesturing to the drinks. Heeseung fills up a wine glass for Sunoo and winks when he gives it to him. In return, Sunoo pours wine for Heeseung.

Jake and Heeseung sit on one couch, Heeseung’s arm wrapped around Jake’s shoulder, while Sunghoon and Sunoo take the couch opposite them. They toast their glasses and drink. Sunoo lets the wine swirl in his mouth like his father taught him and instantly notes the raspberry flavors in it. He swallows and figures he likes it.

"Now, Heeseung-hyung and I would like to get to know both of you better, but we don’t want things to be boring. We propose a game of truth or dare!" Jake starts. Heeseung smirks behind his wine glass as he looks at Sunoo.

The rules are simple: they’re going to spin the shot arrow on the table and whoever it lands on will pick truth or dare. If they don’t fulfill the dare, they'll have to drink a shot of soju. After finishing their turn, they flick the arrow again to determine the next person.

Being the generous host that he is, according to Jake himself, he fills the shot glass to the brim and flicks the toy until it lands on Sunghoon. He smiles in satisfaction and leans back against Heeseung’s arm.

"Sunghoon… Truth or dare."

"Truth."

"Boo!" Heeseung heckles while making a thumbs-down motion. "Boring start!" Sunghoon only smiles and shakes his head.

Jake looks at Sunghoon, then at Sunoo, and back at Sunghoon with a devilish smirk. "How long have you been having sex with Sunoo?"

Sunoo almost chokes on his wine because of the straight-forward question. But Jake has always been like that—direct and straight to the point. No wonder he quickly got Sunoo in his bed that one time in Perth.

"Come on, we’re not children here," Jake eggs on. "It’s obvious what the two of you are up to."

Sunghoon looks at Sunoo then smiles. "I guess for about three months now?"

"That was a lame question, babe," Heeseung loudly whispers, but Jake only giggles and tells him to shut up because he wanted to know as well. "Alright, Sunghoon. Your turn."

Sunghoon flicks the arrow. It lands on Sunoo. "Truth," he immediately blurts out.

"You guys are no fun," Heeseung remarks jokingly.

Sunoo looks to the side and waits for Sunghoon’s question. He knows there’s already something in his head, but he builds the tension by swirling the wine in his glass and taking a sip before asking. "Why don’t you allow people to kiss you on the mouth?"

"Oh, shit. That’s still a thing?" Jake interjects.

Sunoo swallows and curses Sunghoon for getting a toe out of line. He’s not ready to talk about it, and he doesn’t owe anyone any explanation. So, he takes the shot glass and downs the drink in one go. He glares at Sunghoon, who only has a smile on his lips that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Sunoo pours another shot and flicks the arrow. It lands on Heeseung.

"Dare!" he instantly declares, before Sunoo could even ask. Heeseung finishes the rest of his wine to psych himself up.

Sunoo bites his lips, not really knowing what to say. "Do you want a suggestion?" Sunghoon whispers to him. He narrows his eyes at Sunghoon but listens anyway. "Tell him to give Jake a lap dance." Sunoo chuckles and echoes it to the rest of the room.

Heeseung smirks. "Just that? I do that every day!" The three of them laugh as the eldest among them puts his legs on either side of Jake’s. The latter sits back and enjoys the view with a fond smile drawn on his lips. Sunoo takes out his phone and plays sensual music.

Heeseung sways his hips to the rhythm, showing off his dancing skills. He leans his body close enough to Jake's, teasing him for a kiss, but pulling back when the latter puckers his lips. Then he turns around and circles his hips, almost twerking against Jake’s lap. His boyfriend chuckles with mirth and slaps his butt playfully. The song ends, and the four of them have tears in their eyes after Heeseung’s entertaining display.

"Good job, babe," Jake says before kissing his boyfriend on the cheek.

The next arrow lands on Jake, and by then, all of them have already had their turn. He chooses dare, much to Heeseung’s delight.

"Hmm…" Heeseung’s eyes wander between Sunghoon and Sunoo, as if he’s making a choice between the two of them in his head. Sunoo sinks deeper into the couch and hides behind his glass to escape whatever fiasco Heeseung is cooking up.

"Oh, I got one. I dare you to make out with Sunghoon for one minute. Of course, if that’s alright with Sunghoon." Jake’s face breaks into a mischievous grin after hearing what his boyfriend proposed. He turns to Sunghoon to get his consent, which the latter approves. Sunoo guesses that Sunghoon doesn’t need much urging when it comes to things like this.

Jake sips his wine while looking at Sunghoon with those puppy eyes that once deceived Sunoo. The dark red liquid coats his lips, and he licks away every drop. Then, he languidly stands up and struts with intention toward Sunghoon, before straddling the latter and circling his arms around him.

"Wait," Heeseung says, while setting up a timer. "And go!"

There is no finesse in the kiss. Jake ruthlessly captures Sunghoon’s lips and opens his mouth so their tongues will meet. Jake gets a fistful of Sunghoon’s hair, while the latter indulges in the feel of his ass underneath the slacks. The wet sounds that their lips make are mixed with groans and moans and quick lungfuls of breath whenever they part.

Sunoo watches Sunghoon closely. He maneuvers his mouth effortlessly to meet Jake. If only Sunoo would let him, he thinks this is how Sunghoon would kiss him. This is how he’d worship him with his mouth. He takes a moment to look at Heeseung. He’s got his lower lip trapped in between his teeth. There was an obvious tent in front of his pants that made Sunoo look away. He gulps the rest of his wine and fills it with another round.

The minute felt like an hour. And when Heeseung’s phone rings to signify the end of the dare, Sunoo releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Jake smiles and whispers something in Sunghoon’s ear before going back to his place beside Heeseung. His boyfriend was quick to replace Sunghoon’s mouth with his for a quick, but deep, kiss.

When Jake flicks the arrow, it lands on Sunoo again. He sneaks a glance at Sunghoon once more while the latter wipes the remnants of Jake’s spit off his mouth. And somehow, it was the catalyst that made Sunoo say, "Dare."

"Nice," Jake comments. "I dare you to take your pants off."

"What?"

"You heard me, sweetheart."

Sunoo feels hot all of a sudden. He’s not insecure about his body, but he never imagined his night ending up here. Suddenly, all three pairs of eyes were pinned on him, waiting for his next move. They’re all waiting for a show, and who’s Sunoo not to deliver?

He takes a deep breath and places his wine glass on the table temporarily. Then, he turns around and slowly unbuckles his belt to build up their anticipation even more. He takes his time unbuttoning his pants and unzipping them. He could almost hear a pin drop with how silent it was in the room.

He peels his slacks off inch by inch until it reveals peach-colored underwear that was too tight for him and showed off the curves of his ass. It was meant for Sunghoon’s eyes only. Jake and Heeseung weren’t part of his plans for the night. But they were already here, so he might as well show off. He purposefully leans down lower so his back arches and pushes his cheeks out. He folds his slacks neatly and hangs them on the couch’s back before turning around to give them a full view of his bulge. He takes his glass back and sits with his creamy legs crossed over one another on the sofa.

"Happy now?"

Jake wolfishly smiles at him and nods. "You’ve always been pretty."

Sunoo rolls his eyes and leans over to flick the arrow. He could see and feel Sunghoon’s burning gaze in his periphery, but it only made him bite his tongue. The arrow lands on Heeseung, and he chooses truth.

"It’d be awkward if I stood up now," he confesses without an ounce of embarrassment after making a remark about his obvious boner. Jake covers it up with a throw pillow even though it’s useless since they all know what’s going on down there.

Sunoo feels Sunghoon scoot closer beside him. He could practically taste the electricity buzzing in the space between them on his tongue. He knows Sunghoon is itching to touch him, but so are Jake and Heeseung.

"What’s your favorite position?" Sunoo asks bluntly, to which Heeseung replies, "CEO." The four of them burst into drunken laughter. But the way Jake laughs is mixed with a fondness and endearment for a lover. Sunoo sees that he has fallen too deep with Heeseung, and his happiness glows in the air around him. The same goes for Heeseung, who may be flirty as hell, but looks like he’s ready to give the world to Jake.

"I’m good with anything," Heeseung answers. "But I like it when I see Jake’s face screwed up when I rearrange his guts." Jake scrunches his nose and squeezes Heeseung’s cheek.

At the same time, Sunghoon finally takes the opportunity to put his hand slowly on Sunoo’s exposed thigh. He gasps, but neither Jake nor Heeseung hear him. The culprit only smiles as he finishes his wine, and he squeezes hard before drawing circles on Sunoo’s skin with his thumb.

"Dare," he hears Sunghoon say. He looks back across the table and sees that Heeseung has already flicked the arrow which pointed at Sunghoon. Heeseung leans close to Jake to listen to what the other is whispering in his ear.

Heeseung smiles and tells Sunghoon to take off his shirt. Sunghoon shrugs and immediately does as he’s told with ease. He takes his turtleneck off and places it beside Sunoo’s folded slacks. He stretches to emphasize the muscles in his arms and torso. His pecs look immaculate, but his abs are begging to be licked. Sunoo sees Jake lick his lips as he rakes Sunghoon’s pale body with his eyes. Sunghoon smells like fresh cologne, and the circle pendant hanging from his neck gives an alluring appeal to his semi-nudity.

"Look at the two of you," Jake says, sounding like he’s dragging his tone. The alcohol must be getting into his system, or perhaps he’s being taken over by his lust. Either way, Sunoo sees how he craves carnal pleasure as clear as day. Sunoo is no saint. He feels his loins’ raging heat as well. But pleasure like this has to be dragged out for a while until he’s begging for it. He would only be satisfied then.

A couple of turns go around, none of them choosing dare to calm themselves down. There were only dirty questions that made them giggle like teenagers watching porn for the first time.

Heeseung also got touchier with his boyfriend. He was kissing his cheek, his neck, and nibbling on Jake’s earlobes like he was desperate to just drag him to the bedroom and have his way with him.

"Truth or dare?" Jake asks Sunoo when the arrow lands on him. He chooses dare as he deems himself drunk enough to take on any challenge. It was definitely the right answer, because Jake suddenly smirks like a Cheshire cat and tells him, "For the remainder of the game, sit on Heeseung-hyung’s lap."

Heeseung pauses from kissing his neck when he hears the dare and shoots a confused look at his boyfriend. But then his confusion is replaced with amusement, and he takes the useless throw pillow off his lap before patting his thighs. "Make yourself comfortable," he tells Sunoo.

Sunoo gulps. He is going to sit on the obvious tent on Heeseung’s pants for the remainder of the night, and he has no clue how much longer the night is going to last. He hears Sunghoon take a deep breath beside him, but he can’t decipher if it’s out of arousal or something else. Perhaps agitation at how slowly they’re pacing.

Sunoo downs his wine again and places his empty glass on the coffee table before walking toward Heeseung. The latter’s eyes sparkle menacingly as he gets closer, and he opens his arms to welcome Sunoo in. Beside him, Jake giggles profusely.

Sunoo turns around and sits on Heeseung’s lap. He feels the latter’s erection right at his crack, and he can't help but bite his lip at the pressure.

Heeseung groans when Sunoo puts his weight on his thighs and crotch. Jake giggles beside them and plays with Heeseung’s hair as the two of them adjust in their seats. Across the table, Sunghoon looks at Sunoo with a blank face, his expression indecipherable behind the glass of wine. Sunoo doesn’t know if he’s pissed or amused or if he just doesn’t care about the stupid situation that they have put themselves in. 

Heeseung exhales loudly behind him, sending a gush of warm breath to tickle Sunoo’s neck. Goosebumps instantly pop out of his skin, especially when Heeseung unabashedly puts his hands on his exposed thighs. Sunoo doesn’t stop him. Heeseung’s rough hands knead at his flesh like he worships him, and it’s not every day that he encounters someone like that.

“Hyung…” Sunoo quietly whispers when he feels Heeseung’s hands travel up his thighs and closer to his crotch. He grabs Heeseung’s hand and places it back in the middle of his thigh. “Careful…”

“Sorry,” Heeseung laughs. “You look and feel nice. I got carried away.” It’s obvious that the older one is a lot drunker now than he was about an hour ago.

Heeseung urges Jake to continue with the game, but they have already emptied the bottles of wine, so Jake stands up and beckons for Sunghoon to follow him. Sunghoon and Sunoo meet eyes for a split second, confusion etched on their faces before they could even realize it. But in all of his shirtless glory, Sunghoon follows Jake to where the wine is supposed to be. Sunoo watches the two of them walk away from the couches, but his eyelids flutter close when Heeseung places drunk butterfly kisses on his neck.

The alcohol flows through Sunoo’s system. His mind is hazy and his thoughts are incoherent, so even though he shouldn’t let Heeseung palm his way under his shirt, Sunoo lets him. And he even moans when Heeseung finds a bud on his chest. He could feel the rough pads of Heeseung’s fingers touch his sensitive skin, making him press down the latter’s crotch until the two of them groan with the pressure.

“Jake told me stories about you,” Heeseung whispered against his skin. “How you were beautiful in every way. How pretty you sounded when he pounded into you.” Heeseung growls and bites his shoulder lightly. Sunoo grips Heeseung’s hands, the one on his chest, and the other squeezing his thigh like a stress ball. “I gotta have you, Sunoo. Even just for tonight.”

“Wouldn’t Jake-hyung get mad?” Sunoo attempts to deflect even though he knows the answer to that already. Jake wouldn’t have dared him to sit on his boyfriend’s lap if this were just an innocent game of truth or dare. And by the way Jake eyed Sunghoon up all night, it was obvious that he has his own motives as well.

Heeseung chuckles and tells him to open his eyes. Sunoo’s lids surprisingly feel heavy as he tries to open them. But his eyes instantly widen and his jaw drops to the ground once he sees the view in front of them.

The door of the room adjacent to the couch Sunoo is sitting on is open, and inside are two frantic bodies desperately clinging to each other by the limbs and lips. Jake is also shirtless, the muscles on his back are exposed as he strains to reach Sunghoon’s shoulders. They’re connected by the mouth, hungrily kissing and biting and licking at each other like starved wolves. Sunoo’s world stops—maybe from the illusion of intoxication as well—when Sunghoon’s eyes glisten against the darkness to look directly at him. He’s still kissing Jake, an act he could never do with Sunoo, and he looks at him like he’s daring Sunoo to do something. He’s provoking him, but Sunoo just sits there frozen atop Heeseung’s lap as the latter takes advantage of his statuesque state.

And then, the next minutes seem like a blur. One moment he was watching Sunghoon practically throw Jake down on the bed, the next, he’s being carried to the same room by Heeseung. He feels like he’s floating, his mind everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

Heeseung gently lays him down on the bed, a stark difference to how delirious Sunghoon and Jake are acting. Heeseung takes off his shirt along with his pants, but Sunoo doesn’t even get to notice him because he’s too busy watching Sunghoon kiss and lick his way down Jake’s body like he usually does with Sunoo in the privacy of his apartment.

Jake moans and calls Sunghoon’s name. He grips Sunghoon’s hair. And the king-sized bed shakes along with the insides of Sunoo’s stomach.

“Look at me,” Heeseung whispers to him when he leans down to kiss Sunoo’s cheek and neck. Sunoo cranes his neck to look at Heeseung who is handsome even with the tacky lighting provided by the single lamp shade in the room. He smiles down at Sunoo and tells him how pretty he is before pushing the hem of Sunoo’s shirt up until it gets tucked under his neck. Heeseung finds his nipples again and plays with them with his mouth and nimble fingers.

The pleasure courses throughout Sunoo’s body that he can’t help but grip the sheets underneath him. Heeseung moves down to his stomach and cups Sunoo’s growing erection. The slick pink head of his cock peeks beneath his underwear, and somehow, Heeseung finds it amusing.

“Yes, right there!” Jake exclaims beside Sunoo. He gets momentarily distracted again and shifts his attention back at the couple beside him. Jake is fully unclothed. His toned and tanned body is entirely exposed for everyone to see. He’s propped slightly on his side, his legs wide open for Sunghoon to traverse. When Sunoo’s eyes move down, he sees Sunghoon’s hand working Jake open, seemingly poking at all the right spots that had the former crying for dear life. Sunghoon’s bottom lip is trapped between his teeth, focused on pleasuring Jake just like how he is when Sunoo tells him that he likes his fingers.

Sunghoon leans in again and kisses Jake, but Sunoo doesn’t get to see the entirety of it because Heeseung suddenly flips him to his stomach. He gasps when his face hits the pillow, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. But then he feels Heeseung’s hands on his waist. Heeseung pulls him up until Sunoo’s bottom half is supported by his knees. Then his legs are being spread open, his underwear swept to the side. And without warning, Sunoo feels the wet appendage that is Heeseung’s tongue licking a stripe down the middle of his cheeks.

“Hmph! Hyung!” Sunoo groans. He feels Heeseung smile against his cheeks, licking twice more before peppering his skin with too-innocent kisses. It didn’t take long for Heeseung to rip his underwear like it was paper. The harsh ripping sounds even made Jake and Sunghoon pause from their lewd gestures.

When Jake laughs, Sunoo hears it directly against his ear. “Having fun, hyung?”

“So much fun,” Heeseung groans against Sunoo’s skin before diving down again to eat him out. His tongue was followed by a finger, and another one followed not long after.

Sunoo pitifully cries against the pillows, letting his body be used like he’s some kind of sex doll. He doesn’t hate the way Heeseung has his way with him. He doesn’t hate the sounds they make or the dirty words that spill out of Heeseung’s mouth. He doesn’t hate the way Jake lets him suck his fingers. Or the way Sunghoon curses as he enters Jake.

But it was all too much that all he could do was close his eyes.

Sunoo’s alcohol tolerance must have significantly dropped or the wine must have been spiked with something because he could barely make sense of everything now. The room is dim, and everyone is moving too fast for his brain to process.

Heeseung fucks him while he’s on his back. The older groans and looks absolutely wrecked, holding on his waist for dear life. Jake is now on all fours and leaning down to lick Sunoo’s nipples and massage his stomach. And when Sunoo turns his head to the side, he sees Sunghoon standing on the floor, half of Jake’s body is off the mattress being fucked by him too.

“Ah… Shit…” Sunoo hears Sunghoon mumble. His hair is pushed back and his pale skin is glistening with sweat.

Sunoo hates it. Sunoo hates Sunghoon like that for some reason.

They all shift again, the three of them manhandle Sunoo’s boneless body. When Sunoo’s consciousness kicks in again, he realizes he’s on all fours. In front of him, Heeseung kneels and slides his dick in Sunoo’s mouth. Heeseung pulls Sunoo’s hair until they meet eyes, but the angle also lets Sunoo take Heeseung deeper in his throat. Heeseung smirks and thrusts his hips tentatively, hissing when Sunoo focuses the pressure around his lips.

“Ah… Fuck. You’re so pretty with my dick in your mouth,” Heeseung teases. Sunoo keens on the compliment, his mind still as hazy as a dream, but he sucks Heeseung’s dick like he’s made for it. The wet, slurping sounds fill the air, harmonizing with Heeseung’s moans and lewd words.

Behind Sunoo, pressure builds up between his cheeks as Jake takes his turn on him. His body remembers Jake and how rough he is when he pounds into him. Sunoo’s hips involuntarily meet Jake as if they have a life of their own. Now, he’s being fucked on two ends, and he doesn’t hate it. He can feel the pressure build up inside his stomach, and he chases the pleasure spreading through his veins. Heeseung and Jake fuck into him with gusto, and they kiss above him when they do so.

Suddenly, Jake breaks from the kiss and groans. “Ah! Sunghoon, harder!”

Sunoo’s fingers clench against the sheets. His body suddenly gets pushed forward, letting Heeseung’s dick touch the back of his throat. He relaxes his jaw, willing his gag reflex not to act up now. Jake pushes into him harder, but then he realizes that it’s all Sunghoon’s doing. He’s fucking Jake behind them and orchestrates the whole thing.

Sunoo hates it. Sunoo hates Sunghoon for that, too.

Heeseung gives a particularly hard thrust in tandem with Jake. Sunoo almost gags when Jake prods at his prostate slightly. Behind him, he hears Sunghoon moan and slap someone, Jake’s ass, probably. And with that, he lets tears slip out of his eyes. He’s overwhelmed, overstimulated, and overly-exhausted. He wants to let his knees give out and plop against the mattress. He whines in frustration against Heeseung’s dick, which the latter only found amusing.

“Fuck. He’s crying. Too much, baby?” Heeseung says while squeezing Sunoo’s jaw.

Sunoo wants to nod or say yes, but he only closes his eyes and waits for them to do something. Anything, to put him out of his misery.

Finally, Heeseung sighs and almost growls. “Jakey, I wanna fuck you.”

“Hyung…” Jake croaks as Sunghoon slows down his pace behind him.

Heeseung pulls out of Sunoo’s mouth and guides him back down on the pillows. Jake does the same and massages Sunoo’s bottom before peppering him with kisses on his shoulders and back. “You did well, Sunoo. You’re perfect,” he whispers before leaving Sunoo alone.

Sunoo closes his eyes for a moment and wills the rush of his blood to slow down. He could feel his muscles aching already, and he’s about to fall asleep. He doesn’t open his eyes when he feels the bed dip beside him followed by rough thrusting movements and Jake’s loud pleads.

“Hyung! Hyung!” He keeps calling out, but Heeseung just laughs at him and silences him with kisses. “Hyung… I love you, hyung…” Jake sobs. Sunoo cracks one eye open and sees the couple whisper and smile against each other’s lips despite the lewd actions done by the rest of their bodies.

A memory resurfaces in Sunoo’s mind, like a dream pulling him in on what was once his life. He felt loved like that too. Once. He heard those whispers too. He felt those touches too. And for a split second, when he gazes at Jake and Heeseung, he sees him and—

“You okay?” Sunghoon whispers against his ear.

Sunoo lazily turns to look at Sunghoon who was joining him on the bed. He parts Sunoo’s legs and slips his body in between. But there was nothing frantic in his movements. He takes his time in kissing Sunoo’s face and neck and chest. His hands wander on Sunoo’s sides and hold him tenderly. In return, Sunoo wraps his arms around Sunghoon’s neck and pulls him in until they’re pressed against each other. They both moan when their members touch, but neither of them did anything to address the situation in between their bodies.

Instead, Sunoo looks up at Sunghoon and regards him for a moment. He’s sweaty and his skin is slightly blushed. He’s catching his breath and his fingers slightly shake.

“Stay here…” Sunoo involuntarily whispers. It piques Sunghoon’s attention, and he stares at Sunoo like he has just grown another head. “Stay here…” Sunoo repeats.

“Hmm…” Sunghoon hums as he resumes kissing Sunoo’s neck. His hands travel lower to Sunoo’s thighs, prompting them to spread wider. Sunoo pushes up against Sunghoon, letting him know that he’s okay to continue, and without further ado, Sunghoon heeds his unspoken request.

“Ah…” Sunghoon moans against his ear when he sheathes himself inside Sunoo. They move in rhythm but with no rush. It’s like they’re in their own world apart from Jake and Heeseung who fuck like animals beside them. “Sunoo…”

“Hyung…” Sunoo drones before closing his eyes.

“Sunoo…”

And then he blacks out with no memory of what happens next.

The next time Sunoo opens his eyes, he realizes that he’s not in his hotel room. A brief picture of him, Sunghoon, Jake, and Heeseung flashes in his mind, and he’s suddenly bombarded by hazy memories of the night before. The pool game, the wine, the sex. He can’t remember at which point he tapped out, but he’s certain that he was completely naked when he blacked out. So it was a mystery to him how he ended up in pajamas.

“You’re up?” a husky voice asks behind him. A pale arm snakes around his waist and pulls him in followed by a quick peck at the top of his head. “It’s still early. You can sleep more.”

Sunoo pushes the arm away and turns to the other side to see Sunghoon with messy hair and slightly puffy eyes. He looks half-awake, which is definitely a sight Sunoo has seen for the first time. He never sleeps over at Sunghoon’s place. It was one of his petty rules. But he figures that this isn’t technically Sunghoon’s place and he was too exhausted last night, so he doesn’t think much of it.

Sunghoon furrows his eyebrows slightly before pulling Sunoo in his arms again and closing his eyes, like Sunoo is his own personal teddy bear. “Sleep.” Sunoo notices that Sunghoon isn’t wearing a shirt, exposing all the mouth-shaped bruises on his skin. He averts his gaze away from them because he’s not sure if he did that to Sunghoon. And the thought of seeing hickeys made by other people on Sunghoon’s skin feels… odd to him.

“Where’s Heeseung-hyung and Jake-hyung?”

Sunghoon sighs like he doesn’t want to exert any effort into speaking, but answers anyway. “Had to take care of business. They left earlier. They said we can stay here as long as we want.”

“You’re squishing me.”

“You’re very squishable.”

Sunoo didn’t mean to, but his hand landed on Sunghoon’s chest when the latter pressed against him even closer. He feels Sunghoon’s heartbeat underneath his pale skin. It’s beating so fast like he’s running a marathon or nervous about something.

“Did I ever tell you how pretty you are in the morning?” Sunghoon whispers.

Sunoo snorts. “No. You never see me in the morning.”

“Yeah, but I want to.”

There he goes again with his wants . Sunoo doesn’t know how to make of them. He doesn’t want to indulge Sunghoon’s requests because that would slowly let him slip out of control. He can’t let Sunghoon get too close or he’ll see the things Sunoo’s hiding from him. But he doesn’t want to push Sunghoon too far away because… well… because it would be a bother to replace him.

Yes, that’s it.

He doesn’t know how to let their distance be just right. Not when Sunghoon says things like this.

“Sunoo, is everything alright?” Sunghoon sinks down on the bed so their eyes could meet. Between them, their hot breaths mingle against their skin. “You kinda… Went somewhere last night. I was a bit worried. But if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine.”

Somewhere… That place and time when Sunoo was at his happiest. He went back to a memory where he and Hyunjin were once together. But then the image of Sunghoon and Jake flashes in his mind once again, and suddenly their faces weren’t theirs. It was Hyunjin and the other guy.

Sunoo pushes off of the bed and takes a lungful of breath. He doesn’t understand why these repressed memories keep resurfacing. It’s like Sunghoon has bad luck. This has never happened with anyone before. No one else reminded him of the good and bad parts as much as Sunghoon did.

He peels the covers off of his body and gets up from the bed to locate the clothes he left on the couch outside the room. Sunghoon was quick to follow, calling out to him like a child. “Sunoo. Where are you going? Come back to bed.”

Sunoo quickly takes the pajamas off and wears his shirt and pants. He winces when he realizes that his underwear was ripped to shreds last night, but it didn’t bother him to be naked in front of Sunghoon.

“Sunoo.”

“I have to go,” Sunoo quickly cuts off. “I…” he sighs. “I’m fine. I just need to call my mom. I forgot to do so last night.” It was a pathetic excuse. He doesn’t call his mom very often, and she sure as hell doesn’t care about what he does in a conference in another city. But Sunghoon looks at him with a blank face and nods.

“Okay. I’ll see you later, then.”

Sunghoon doesn’t protest. He just lets him go, but Sunoo can’t decide how he should feel about that. Sunghoon pulls something out of his pants, the same ones he wore last night. He puts a stick of cigarette in his mouth and lights it up with a quick motion.

“You probably shouldn’t do that here,” Sunoo points out.

“It’s fine. I saw Heeseung smoking earlier.”

“That’s still bad for you.”

“You’re bad for me, but you’re still here.”

It was the first time Sunghoon said something about their problematic arrangement. It was a blunt confession, but it felt like a sharp knife that had been driven into Sunoo’s gut. Sunghoon is affected by all of this as much as he is. But just like a cigarette, Sunghoon can’t let him go just yet. And frankly, Sunoo doesn’t know how to do so either. Perhaps they’d just have to accept the fact that being friends with benefits isn’t all about the benefits.

“Will I still see you back in Seoul?” Sunghoon asks with more venom than before. It almost sounds like an ultimatum.

“Yes,” Sunoo replies.

“Alright.”

Chapter Text

Sunoo thinks that making popcorn is not so much of a fun activity. It’s just a mundane thing that doesn’t require any specific emotion. It just needs to be done. Yet he’s watching his best friend smile at the packet of microwave popcorn like it’s a puppy or something. There’s also something in Jungwon’s steps, a flourish, if you will, which makes him look like he’s dancing. There’s not a doubt in Sunoo’s mind that his best friend is in a good mood. He’s waiting for Jungwon to open up because he doesn’t usually ask first, but it’s already been two hours and he’s not spilling anything.

“Okay, what’s up with you?” Sunoo asks, half-amused. Jungwon stops in whatever ballet performance he’s having in his kitchen and looks at Sunoo with a sheepish smile on his face. “It’s like you’re dancing Swan Lake with hearts all around you. Something’s up. Spill!”

Jungwon laughs as he prepares their charcuterie board. “Am I that obvious?”

“Like an open book, Jungwon. You can never lie, especially to these eyes.” Sunoo points at his eyes exaggeratedly and waits for Jungwon to stop what he’s doing. The younger one leans on the counter and covers his face momentarily.

“I kinda took your advice,” Jungwon says, blush high on his cheeks. “I… uh… confessed to Jay-hyung about what I really felt for him.”

Sunoo’s eyes grow comically large. He doesn’t know how to react. He could only stare at his friend, making Jungwon hide behind his hands, giggling like a schoolgirl. “Wow… I mean… Wow, Jungwon. I’m guessing it went well?”

There was no need to guess. It was obvious that however Jay received it, it was more than satisfactory for Jungwon. But the younger one still nods and smiles so widely, Sunoo thinks his cheeks are going to get split in half.

Jungwon recounts the event of his confession. He and Jay were having dinner one weekend as per tradition (or more precisely, as per instruction by their parents). The tension between them somewhat subsided after their last date, but neither of them still acknowledged what happened entirely. Jungwon didn’t want to waste any more time. Jay was nice to him and he made him laugh all throughout dinner. He shared fun anecdotes about his life in college and even gave sneak peeks about his plans for the future.

Selfishly, Jungwon wanted to be a part of Jay’s future, too. Not just as his husband, because that will happen either way due to their arranged engagement, but as his lover . He wants Jay to see him past their duties as their parents’ children. He wants Jay to love him genuinely. And so when they finished their dinner, Jungwon mustered up the courage to hold Jay’s hand in the parking lot and just spill his guts, leaving no lies behind.

“I told him that I loved him and that my feelings for him were true,” Jungwon recalls with a fond faraway look in his eyes. “He didn’t react at first. He looked the same as you do now.” Sunoo catches himself with his jaw on the floor, then quickly closes his mouth to share a laugh with Jungwon before telling him to proceed. “And he just… He paused for a moment then he smiled so big, I almost thought he thought I was joking.”

“Oh my God,” Sunoo mumbles. “What did he say?”

Jungwon shrugs first before answering. “He pulled me in and hugged me and we just…”

“Just?”

Jungwon bites his lips. Sunoo sees the way his cheeks grow even redder, if that were even possible considering how much he already resembles a tomato. But Jungwon stares at him and lets him fit the puzzle pieces together.

“No…” Sunoo responds in disbelief, but Jungwon only laughs harder.

“Yes.”

“You didn’t.”

“We did.” Sunoo shrieks and slaps Jungwon in the arm like he always does when he’s getting quite excited and, frankly, overwhelmed. “He looked at me for a moment and he just… He kissed me.”

“Fuck!” Sunoo jumps up from the bar stool and hugs Jungwon tightly. “I’m so happy for the both of you. God, watching both of you pine over each other was painful! I’m glad you sorted things out.”

Jungwon thanks him and tells him how happy their parents were when they broke the news. At least, their parents wouldn’t have to force them into doing something they both aren’t happy about, unless, of course, they force them to break the engagement. But from the looks of it, neither one of them would do something as stupid as that. It’s clear that they’re both a bit too in love with each other. Sunoo genuinely feels his heart getting full at the thought of his best friend finding someone for him. He may not know Jay entirely, but he has a gut feeling that he won’t turn out like most men do.

God knows what Sunoo would do if Jay breaks Jungwon’s heart.

“Ugh, does this mean our brunches will be much worse from now on?” Sunoo groans as he takes out the popcorn from the microwave. Jungwon giggles while picking up their charcuterie board and going out to the living room where their movie and wine are waiting.

“We’ll tone it down, I promise,” Jungwon says before slumping on the sofa. Sunoo joins him and fills their glasses with wine, the cheap kind because Jungwon’s parents don’t allow him to open the more expensive ones in their collection. Both of them don’t mind. They can’t tell the difference, anyway.

They start the movie, but Sunoo finds himself looking at Jungwon, recalling the memories they shared since they were kids.

Their parents were business partners, and any wealthy family is connected to another wealthy family to some degree. Sunoo remembers how easy it was for them to be friends when they were kids. They’d chase each other under tables while the adults listen to whatever the host says about another boring party. They’d dress up as princes as they battle the giant dragon in Jungwon’s backyard even though it really was just his beefy dog with dragon wings made of cardboard. They’d have sleepovers every weekend and share their deepest, darkest secrets to each other.

And now, both of them have grown up for the most part. They’re attending university. Jungwon has a boyfriend and is going to be married in a few years. Soon enough, their weekly brunches would be sparser and they’d have less time for each other. But Sunoo is confident that their friendship will remain as strong as ever. They don’t need to be constantly talking to each other or hanging out. Whenever they are needed, their presence will be felt.

“I’m so happy for you,” Sunoo suddenly blurts out. It was too emotional for his liking, but he’s glad that Jungwon didn’t point it out. Instead, Jungwon turns to him with a tight smile and holds his hand.

“Thanks, hyung. Especially for the advice. If you didn’t tell me what to do, I don’t know where I’d be now with Jay-hyung.” Sunoo pats his head and lets Jungwon rest it on his shoulder. They are close in age, but there’s an innate feeling within Sunoo that wants to protect Jungwon like a big brother does.

“You know, I also want you to be happy, hyung,” Jungwon says without looking at him.

Sunoo snorts. “I am happy.”

“No, I mean… I want you to be happy the way I’m happy.” Jungwon sits up and looks at Sunoo with a sad smile etched on his lips. His eyes look different. While there was mirth and joy in them earlier, now, they’re filled with pity. It’s like he’s making a request, pleading for something from Sunoo that the latter can’t fulfill.

Sunoo realizes what Jungwon meant. He just rolls his eyes and fakes a chuckle, hoping Jungwon won’t notice the irritation that’s bubbling up in his chest. They’ve been having an enjoyable night so far. There’s no need to ruin it by talking about the state of his nonexistent love life because he wants to keep it that way in the first place—nonexistent.

“I told you, I’m happy. I don’t need someone to do that for me,” Sunoo explains. “If you’re happy with your relationship with Jay, that’s good. But some of us don’t need romance in our lives.”

There was a split second change in Jungwon’s expression. He might have been carefully concealing his feelings just a minute ago, but now, he openly shows his dismay with Sunoo’s response. “Hyung, you can’t always use sex as an excuse.”

Even the irritation that’s forming in Sunoo’s chest starts rising. “What do you mean? You’ve never judged my lifestyle before.”

“I’m not. It’s just…” Jungwon turns fully to him and rakes his hair with his fingers in a display of dissatisfaction. “I want you to heal, hyung. I really do. All the shit that happened before, I want you to fully let go of them. But you won’t be able to do that if you keep sweeping them under the rug. You can’t fuck your way into moving on.”

“Shit, Jungwon, I didn’t know you’re such an expert now.”

Sunoo attempts to leave just to calm himself down. Even though he hates to admit it, Jungwon is right. He’s best at running away from his problems and forgetting about them through other means. A simple conversation with his best friend is too much for him despite the fact that Jungwon is doing his best to help him.

Jungwon’s hand shoots out and catches him by the wrist to turn him back. Jungwon pulls him back down on the couch and holds his hand firmly. “That’s not what I meant. Hyung, please, don’t do this. I’m sorry. I won’t talk about it.”

Sunoo’s jaw clenches. He doesn’t want to get angry at Jungwon, not when they’ve been having fun. Not when Jungwon just shared something nice with him. He’ll beat himself up over this later. He’ll feel guilty for making Jungwon feel bad about a situation he can control. In the meantime, he calls a truce and breathes deeply before going back to the movie. He drains his first glass of wine. Getting drunk always helps him manage his emotions, anyway.

Jungwon was the first one to fall asleep. Sunoo found it more difficult to do so. He’s not as drunk as he thought he would be, but his brain is in shambles, messy enough to bring up the fact that he and Sunghoon haven’t been in contact since they went to Busan.

It’s not a big deal, they’re just busy with their own thing. Sunoo is trying to finish the semester, and as far as he knows, Sunghoon is also focusing on his thesis. One would think that the stress they’re under would catalyze their desire to fuck it out of their systems, but they just can’t find the time for it.

And, even though Sunoo doesn’t want to admit it, he feels like they’re walking on eggshells around each other again. What happened in Busan felt odd that even Sunoo can’t pinpoint why exactly he feels like talking to Sunghoon is difficult. It’s not like they delve into serious topics when they’re too busy moaning each other’s name.

Then again, it hasn’t been long since he saw visions of Hyunjin once more. The bad dreams creep in again and seeing Sunghoon or even just thinking about him amplifies the memory of his ex for some strange reason. He doesn’t know how to deal with it.

Jungwon is right—he needs to heal from this. But where could he possibly start? He doesn’t want to see Hyunjin again. Even if Hyunjin were to apologize to him, what good does it do? He’s already cheated. Sunoo is already broken. That doesn’t point him in the right direction forward.

Hyunjin is going to get married next week, that’s what his mother said before he left to go back to campus. It’s going to be a grand event because Hyunjin is the only heir to his family’s business and the guy he cheated Sunoo with is quite a popular model.

Sunoo didn’t ask for more information. He didn’t even ask to hear that news. But it stuck with him, and before he could even stop and remind himself that Hyunjin was nothing but a pile of dog shit, he cried into his pillow. The tears flowed endlessly until his tear ducts ached and there was nothing left to cry out.

Everything in him ached. His chest, his limbs, his head. Everywhere that Hyunjin touched itched like an old wound. And Sunoo couldn’t help but feel pathetic.

He should have moved on. Hyunjin shouldn’t have any effect on him, yet the news about his wedding to that other guy reignited memories he tried so hard to repress. And the questions floated in his head again.

What could I have done better? Was I ever enough to him? Did he really love me? Am I worthy of love?

He couldn’t help but feel that the reason why Hyunjin cheated on him in the first place is because something’s wrong with him, that he wasn’t enough. And if that’s the case, there’s no point in finding love again. The cycle will just continue, and he’d just delude himself into thinking that it’s worth the pain.

The next morning, he tries to focus on his classes. Nevermind his puffy eyes and the migraine pulsing at the back of his head. He’s determined to get back on track with his life and distract himself from thinking about Hyunjin. He decides to contact Sunghoon. Perhaps he just needs a good dicking to numb the pain.

Luckily, he doesn’t have to be the one to make the first move. Sunghoon looks at him during the entire biology lecture like he wants to say something but can’t because they’re in the middle of class. There’s a question in Sunghoon’s eyes that Sunoo can’t decipher, but he’s sure that it has something to do with their extended silence since Busan.

It’s fine, Sunoo thinks. They just have to get back to their usual routine of falling into Sunghoon’s bed or maybe they can experiment with other settings, too. Their spontaneous library fuck surprisingly turned out well.

After class, Sunghoon calls Sunoo to his desk in front of the room. They wait for the other students to leave before Sunghoon turns to him. “Hey, it’s been a while. Are you doing well?”

Sunoo raises a brow and snorts at how normal the question was. “Yes? That’s a weird question.”

Sunghoon scratches the back of his head. “Was it? Well… Uhm… We need to talk.”

“Talk?” Sunoo echoes. “About what?” Sunghoon doesn’t respond immediately, like he’s hesitating, which made Sunoo a little nervous. “Did someone find out about us ?”

“No!” Sunghoon immediately clarifies. “It’s not that. But it’s quite important. Can you meet me at my apartment later?”

Sunoo manages to breathe out in relief. What Sunghoon said is practically a euphemism at this point. He’s not sure what Sunghoon wants to talk about, but meeting at his apartment only results in one thing, and it just so happens that Sunoo needs that tonight.

He hasn’t touched himself in days, and he could imagine that Sunghoon’s also been deprived of sex with how much work he needs to get done. It would be a perfect stress relief for both of them.

So, Sunoo smiles teasingly and tells Sunghoon, “See you later then.”

Sunoo attends his classes all day, soaking up one lesson after another, burying the thought of Hyunjin’s wedding in the back of his mind. The sun starts setting once his day is done, so he calls for a taxi and heads over to Sunghoon’s apartment. He can feel the ache of his muscles and joints from endless hours of classes, but his veins thrum in anticipation at how Sunghoon’s touch will take all of the fatigue away.

Sunghoon is good at handling Sunoo’s body. He’s delicate when he needs to be, but he’s rough enough to make Sunoo yearn for more. There’s a good balance in his kisses and bites. And the feel of his fingers as he traces lines of fire on Sunoo’s skin is addicting. Not to mention his lewd words. Sunoo is not a big fan of dirty talk but when Sunghoon does it, he can’t help but quiver at his every word.

Shit , he curses in his head. He’s already getting half-hard and he’s not even there yet.

Sunoo practically sprints toward Sunghoon’s apartment building as soon as the taxi pulls up in front of the entrance. He’s got the whole place memorized by now, so he finds the elevators with ease and pushes the button to Sunghoon’s floor. He’s never been this excited to get railed into oblivion, yet there’s a bounce in his step when he finally gets to the hallway leading to Sunghoon’s apartment. His unit is at the very end of the hall, which is convenient for their privacy.

He pushes the doorbell and waits for Sunghoon to open the door. But he can’t hide his surprise—which the TA mirrors—when he sees Sunghoon’s attire.

“What are you wearing?” Sunoo half-chuckles. Sunghoon is quite fashionable, but instead of his usual “boyfriend” outfits, he’s currently wearing a dark green apron and oven mitts. Sunoo steps inside and watches Sunghoon take off his oven mitts to place them on the counter of his kitchen.

“You didn’t tell me that your classes are over,” Sunghoon says while gesturing for Sunoo to sit down on one of the bar stools. Sunoo does so while taking his backpack off and placing it on the table beside a plate of brownies. “I was baking brownies.” Sunoo snorts. It didn’t occur to him that Sunghoon can cook or bake. He just doesn’t seem like it. Then again, the brownies on the table look scrumptious, perfectly cut into squares and oozing with chocolate. “Take one,” he says.

Sunoo gives him a funny look, but he pointed at the brownies again, so Sunoo didn’t have any choice but to humor him. In all fairness, the brownie tastes divine, but it’s nothing compared to how Sunghoon tastes in his mouth.

Sunghoon sat opposite him and took a bite for himself before smiling proudly. “It’s been a while since I made food for myself. I should really get more into it. It’s a good pastime.”

Sunoo sighs and places his half-eaten brownie back on the plate. As much as he wants to indulge in Sunghoon’s newfound hobby, he’s also itching to take Sunghoon’s clothes off and ride his dick. He stands up and slowly but surely walks toward Sunghoon, who freezes on the spot when Sunoo winds his arms around his neck, then he pouts too innocently for his motives. “The brownie is nice, but I really want you to bend me over this counter and have your way with me.” Sunghoon doesn’t respond. It doesn’t faze Sunoo. Instead, he takes matters into his own hands and plants kisses on Sunghoon’s jaw down to his neck while his fingers untie the apron on his waist.

He was about to place his palms on Sunghoon’s thighs for leverage, but the older one lightly pushes him away and holds him by the arms. There was not an ounce of arousal on Sunghoon’s eyes, which was odd considering that Sunghoon is always up for anything that has to do with sex. It irritates Sunoo, but he bites his tongue and waits for Sunghoon to move. Perhaps it’s part of the game that they’re playing, a rather annoying version of edging.

However, it doesn’t lead to anything suggestive. Sunghoon just looks sad, almost pained. “Sunoo, I told you we need to talk.”

“About what? There’s nothing to talk about,” Sunoo says. He tries to put his hands on Sunghoon’s body once again, but the other man towers over him when he stands and he takes Sunoo by the wrist to pull him toward the living room.

Sunghoon sits on the couch first and he pats the space by his side for Sunoo. By then, Sunoo’s patience runs thin. He rolls his eyes in annoyance and crosses his arms over his chest. He doesn’t sit beside Sunghoon. “You’re wasting my time, Sunghoon. You know why I came here. It’s been days since you last—”

“I know,” Sunghoon cuts off, still with a calm and collected tone. “But I can’t have sex with you if we don’t talk about what happened in Busan.”

Sunoo scoffs, not believing his ears. It’s like Sunghoon is giving him an ultimatum, which doesn’t sit right with him. Sunghoon doesn’t get the right to do that.

“Busan? That’s like eons ago!” Sunoo protested. “I won’t apologize if you got offended that I left that morning when we were in bed. You know that I don’t do that sappy shit.”

“That’s not it, Sunoo,” Sunghoon replies with a resigned tone. “Can you just please sit down? I want to talk to you properly.”

“You can talk to me like this.” Sunghoon sighs and massages the bridge of his nose when Sunoo continues to refuse to sit down. Sunoo doesn’t see the point of their conversation. He wants it to end already, especially when he knows there’s nothing relevant to talk about.

“Fine. Whatever. But you need to listen,” Sunghoon emphasizes. His features soften when he speaks that Sunoo doesn’t know how to react. “I… I want to apologize for what happened in Busan.” Sunoo quirks an eyebrow. “I had a feeling that you didn’t fully consent to what happened between you, me, Jake, and Heeseung. Alcohol was involved and I was a little bit pushy, and I shouldn’t have been. I only realized it all while we were in the middle of sex. And… I just… I don’t want to force you into doing things that you’re not a hundred percent sure about.”

Sunghoon’s apology surprises Sunoo. It really wasn’t what he expected, but the slight anger that he was feeling earlier quickly dissipated. He uncrosses his arms and takes a step forward toward Sunghoon, but still not touching him. “I did consent to it,” he clarifies. “You didn’t push me into doing something I didn’t want to do. You don’t have to apologize for that.”

“But you got overwhelmed,” Sunghoon presses. His feelings of guilt are apparent in his face, but Sunoo doesn’t know how to mediate them. Sunghoon pulls at his hair in frustration. “There was one point when you just stopped moving and you had this strange look in your eye. And I was so scared because… I don’t know what I was supposed to do. You just completely shut down.”

“Hey, it’s…” It was probably that time when he hallucinated about a repressed memory. It’s not anyone’s fault. But he understands why it could have been panic-inducing to some other people. Sunoo finally sits down and moves close to Sunghoon. “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about it. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No. Something else—”

“Shh…” Sunoo interrupts. He doesn’t know how else to bring Sunghoon back to the present but one way. He slings his leg over Sunghoon’s and positions himself on Sunghoon’s lap. The latter stares at him with a puzzled look which is enough for Sunoo to know that he got Sunghoon’s attention. He puts his hands on Sunghoon’s chest and looks him in the eye. “Enough. I’m really fine. You didn’t do anything wrong. But thanks for worrying.” He means that. Sunghoon may not be the best when it comes to aftercare or even just apologizing normally, he’s still glad that the older one made an attempt at it.

“Just focus on me for now, hm?” Sunoo gives him a small smile before leaning in and kissing him on the jaw and neck once again. He lets his hands roam over Sunghoon’s hard chest, and he’s not shy in circling his hips so Sunghoon can feel just how ready he is for him. “You can touch me,” he whispers when he realizes that Sunghoon’s hands are still on the couch instead of his body.

“Sunoo… We’re not done.” Sunghoon tries to push him off once again, but Sunoo manages to catch his hands and he places them on his ass. But Sunghoon still doesn’t move like he’s supposed to.

Sunoo pauses for a moment and looks at Sunghoon again. “God, you’re really testing my patience. I told you, I’m fine. Do you want me to suck the guilt out of you?” he teases before going back to Sunghoon’s neck once again. He smells like his fresh cologne with hints of chocolate from the brownies.

“Sunoo…” Sunghoon whispers pleadingly. “We need to talk about Hyunjin.”

“What?” Sunoo feels his body paralyze as soon as he hears his ex’s name. He leans back to look at Sunghoon, his own eyes wide and starting to burn from unshed tears. “How…?”

It seems that Sunghoon sensed Sunoo’s panic, so his arms cage him in as if to reassure Sunoo that he’s going to be fine. But Sunghoon’s arms only suffocate him further.

“Before you blacked out, you kept mentioning Hyunjin. You kept calling his name while crying. That’s why I panicked. I know it’s your personal life, Sunoo, but you have to talk about this. Whatever you’re keeping inside you, you don’t have to hide it.”

“If you know it’s personal, then why the fuck are you asking me about it?” In a fit of rage—and frankly, misery—Sunoo stands up and stomps back to the kitchen to get his bag. He wants to run away from Sunghoon and the memories that keep resurfacing whenever he’s with him. It’s like a sick joke. The more he tries to push them away, the more they come back.

Sunghoon pulls him by the arm but he shakes him off rather forcefully. “Sunoo, please. I don’t want to see you like this. I know you’re hurting and I—”

“What do you fucking know, Sunghoon?!” he yells. He can feel the anger course through his veins and he doesn’t bother wiping away the tears that have fallen on his cheeks. It’s true—he’s hurting. He’s been in pain for years and the wounds have festered up to consume him. Sleeping around with other people to forget about Hyunjin are useless BandAid solutions, but what more can he do? Airing out his feelings won’t change anything. He’d just keep hurting while embarrassing himself.

“This is not part of our agreement,” he says through gritted teeth. “Isn’t it enough that you can have my body? Isn’t it enough that you have me here?” His voice starts to shake and his knees wobble at the realization that whatever he’s doing, it will never be enough. “Am I never going to be enough?” He slumps on the floor at the last question. But he knows that it wasn’t particularly aimed at Sunghoon.

It was a question that he wanted to ask Hyunjin as soon as he found out about his affair. Back then, Sunoo didn’t have any idea about love. He wasn’t confident of himself, that's why he clung onto Hyunjin like his life depended on it. Perhaps, back then, he thought that Hyunjin was his life.

Sunoo wasn’t anything special. He wasn’t the prettiest or the smartest or the kindest person on the planet, yet Hyunjin whispered those compliments to build him up. Hyunjin made him feel beautiful and wanted. And he thought that if he gave everything to Hyunjin, they’d be together forever. So, he did. He gave all his time and effort. He gave his body and mind to his first love with the dream of staying in that wondrous feeling for his entire life. It was perfect. Hyunjin and Sunoo were perfect.

But that’s the thing about giving your all: you won’t have nothing left. No confidence. No dignity. No heart. For years, Sunoo felt like he was living like a zombie, alive but very much dead inside. He thought that if he could fill himself in with affection, with physical touch, he’d somehow get a sense of who he was before Hyunjin shattered him.

Turns out, he’s wrong. So, very wrong.

Hyunjin broke him and left his shattered pieces to wither away. And whenever someone tries to build him up again, he ends up breaking even more. It’s like there’s no hope for him.

So he doesn’t know why Park Sunghoon is so adamant in keeping his broken pieces together at the expense of his own feelings. Sunoo can see the pain in Sunghoon’s eyes whenever he turns away from his kisses. Sunoo can feel Sunghoon’s disappointment whenever he lights up a cigarette every time Sunoo leaves. Sunoo can see Sunghoon slowly breaking apart whenever he pulls back, whenever things get too heavy and serious.

Yet he’s still here, wiping away Sunoo’s tears like he could wipe away all the fears lingering underneath his skin.

Sunoo doesn’t know how he ended up in Sunghoon’s bed. He was just yelling and sobbing a moment ago, but now, he’s face to face with Sunghoon with their heads on the pillows. He’s still shaking and hiccuping, but Sunghoon just watches as his cries die down and his breath evens out.

“Do you want some water?” Sunghoon asks. Sunoo shakes his head. “Okay. I’ll be right here.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why bother?” Sunoo asks through his hiccups. “I’m just someone you fuck. Why do you care so much?” The question is harsh and straightforward, but it begs to be asked. Sunghoon doesn’t have to be burdened by Sunoo’s personal problems, but he deliberately seeks them out.

There was a hint of sadness in Sunghoon’s smile. “I don’t know how to answer that, Sunoo. Because I’m human?”

Sunoo rolls his eyes but without malice. He turns to his side so he can face the ceiling. The truth is, as much as Sunoo is hurting, he’s also very tired. He’s tired of pretending that he will be fine. He doesn’t think he’ll get any better. He’ll just stay stuck in that limbo of emotions.

“He was my ex,” he confesses without putting too much thought into it. His brain wants him to stop speaking, but his body can’t handle the pressure of it anymore, and so he lets everything spill. “My first love, actually. He cheated on me. Caught him on the bed with the guy. Now, he’s going to get married to the same guy.”

He chuckles without mirth, more like pity for himself. “He’s the reason why I have so many rules. I don’t stay the night because I’m afraid I’ll have nightmares about him and you’d get to witness it. I don’t like it when you call me ‘baby’ because he used to call me that. I don’t let you kiss me because we used to kiss a lot even though those lips lied to me a thousand times.”

His chest feels heavy again. He wants to cry and shout at the same time, but all of it would be useless.

“I’m sorry,” Sunghoon whispers. “You don’t deserve that.”

“Don’t I?” Sunoo croaks. “Maybe I do. I’m not a good person. I’m not worthy of him.”

“Don’t say that!” Sunghoon rises from the bed and looks down at him. “You’re… No. That’s not true. You’re Kim Sunoo. You’re beautiful. And you love your friends fiercely. And you can outsmart anyone within a ten mile radius. Don’t let that asshole get to your head. It wasn’t your fault.”

“You don’t have to make me feel better.”

“I know,” Sunghoon replies. “But I think you need a reminder from time to time.”

They stare at each other for a while. Sunoo still wonders why Sunghoon cares so much, but maybe it’s not all that bad. He’s pushed a lot of people away before, and look where he ended up? He knows his parents love him even if they don’t show it much. Jungwon is loyal to him no matter what. Maybe having Sunghoon on board isn’t such a bad idea, even if their knowledge about each other is contained within his bedroom.

“You don’t have to worry about me or what happened in Busan,” Sunoo reiterates. “I’m fine. Or, well, as fine as I’ll ever be.”

“Okay.”

“And, if you want to end this, that’s okay too.”

“No,” Sunghoon immediately says. “I… I think you just need some time, but I’ll be here if you need me. I promise.”

Sunoo wants to say that he doesn’t have to promise anything, especially if there’s a high chance that he’ll break it in some way, but he’s too tired to fight it. He just wants to feel a momentary peace. But he’s still not comfortable having that in Sunghoon’s space. So, even if his head feels as heavy as lead, Sunoo forces himself to stand up and fix his clothes and wipe away the remnants of his tears. “I’ll go back to my dorm room.”

“You can stay, you know.”

“I know,” he says. “But, like you said, I need some time.”

Sunghoon nods and walks him to the kitchen to get his backpack. Despite Sunoo’s protests, Sunghoon still packs a bag of brownies for him to take home. And with one last swipe, he makes sure that Sunoo’s cheeks are rid of any tear marks even though his puffy eyes are more than enough to show that he’s cried at least two years’ worth of tears.

“Did he smoke too?” Sunghoon suddenly asks. “Your ex, I mean. Did he smoke too? That's why you kept telling me to stop it?”

Sunoo purses his lips. Aside from drinking occasionally, Hyunjin didn’t have any vices. “No. I just don’t like it when you smoke.”

Sunghoon stares at him but nods eventually and follows him to the door. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay.” Sunoo leaves the building and makes it to his dorm room. He doesn’t feel any better, but he could be worse. He’s quite confused as to how things unraveled at Sunghoon’s apartment, but he doesn’t have any more brain power to think over the things he wished he shouldn’t have said or done. There’s no time for him to contemplate whether it was a good idea or not to confess his past to Sunghoon. So, in an attempt to put his time into better use, he retrieves his laptop from his bag and starts working on his homework.

Jungwon is a fucking liar.

He promised Sunoo that he and Jay will tone down the PDA in their next brunch together, but Sunoo is currently munching on his baby potatoes and trying not to gag at the sight of his best friend making goo-goo eyes at his fiance. The worst part is, Jay indulges him. The older guy likes seeing this disgusting side of Jungwon and Sunoo is seconds away from throwing up.

“Do you think this bread knife is sharp enough to cause any harm if I stab you with it?” Sunoo asks without any threat. He’s beyond committing a crime even if it meant stopping Jay and Jungwon from being horrendously sweet on the table.

Jungwon chuckles and rests his head on Jay’s shoulder. “You’re being homophobic right now,” he says. “Can’t you be happy that your two friends finally stopped being idiots?”

“Okay, first, Jay is not my friend.” Jay shakes his head because they all know that’s not entirely true. Even though their interactions are limited to their weekend brunches and quick hellos whenever Jay picks Jungwon up from the university, they know each other better than before. Or at least, Sunoo already memorized Jay’s brunch orders. That counts for something. “Second, both of you are still idiots.”

“You know what? Maybe you just need to invite someone over for brunch as well,” Jay suggests, which makes Jungwon and Sunoo meet eyes for a brief but uncomfortable moment. Jay doesn’t know about Sunoo’s past nor his lifestyle of jumping from one stranger’s bed to another (though, to be fair, he’s only been jumping on one particular bed for the past two semesters and it just so happens that Jay is acquainted with the said owner of the bed). “I can set you up if you want. I have tons of friends that might interest you.”

Sunoo thanks Jay for his offer while awkwardly sifting through the rest of his salad. “I’m not really into dating. It’s not for me.”

“Oh, you do you, I guess.” Sunoo is just grateful that Jay understands him to that extent.

They drop the dating subject for the rest of the meal and instead talk about their plans after the semester ends. Jay is eyeing a vacation in Bali, which Jungwon is completely onboard with because he knows he’ll be invited anyway. While Sunoo is still undecided. His mind is quite stuck at the fact that his first semester of university is coming to an end in a matter of weeks, which means that Sunghoon won’t be his TA anymore, too.

He doesn’t know why his mind focused on that particular fact. Nothing much will change between him and Sunghoon. If they continue their hushed affair, they’ll just be in less trouble. Then again, he’s still not sure where they stand. After their heated conversation about Busan and Sunoo’s past, they haven’t really talked. Sunghoon also came to class less frequently because he was working on his own thesis according to their professor. Sunoo spots him from time to time around campus with his nose buried in his phone or a bunch of papers.

And even though he won’t admit it, there’s a part of him that longs for Sunghoon’s attention. He wants to see Sunghoon look at him during lectures or send him teasing smiles across the room. He wants to watch Sunghoon get immersed in his work or just stare at the way his glasses fit his face perfectly.

Another part of him is thankful for Sunghoon’s temporary absence in his daily life. He can focus more on his studies and he finds ways to manage his stress through different avenues other than sex. For instance, he started taking care of his body again, putting more emphasis on his skin care regimen. He also cuts down on coffee because it gives him migraines. And he spends more time with Jungwon and, surprisingly, his parents.

Little by little, he knows he’s healing. And even though it’s difficult to do so now, he knows that if he tried hard enough, he’d get to think of Hyunjin and not feel anything at all.

They finish their meal and head on to Jay’s car. From the backseat, Sunoo asks, “Hey, Jay, can you drop me off at my dorm building?”

He sees Jay raise an eyebrow at him from the rearview mirror. “Oh, you’re not going home this weekend?”

“No, I actually have to prepare for a project. I can’t do it at home with my mom pestering me.”

Jay nods and takes a turn back to the university. While he drives, his hand automatically finds its way to Jungwon’s over the console. There’s no doubt that Jungwon’s over the moon at the gesture, and Sunoo silently watches how their affection grows more and more from the back. He wonders if he’ll ever have that feeling for himself, or if he’s even remotely interested in feeling that in the future.

He says goodbye to his friends before they drive off into the distance, and just like he said, he went up to his dorm room to do his projects and other preparations before finals begin. He works tirelessly for a couple of hours, only stopping twice to check texts from Jungwon and his shopping adventures with Jay. Then, he falls back into his routine. He ticks off finished tasks on his list and schedules new ones on his calendar. If he follows the schedule he set, he’ll be able to study in advance for finals, and then, he’ll bid farewell to his first semester.

Around 3 PM, Sunoo gets startled when he hears a loud bursting noise from outside. It was like a sudden roll of thunder. Then, the lights to his dorm room shut off along with his air conditioner. Alarm bells followed, and in a fit of panic, Sunoo grabbed his bag and phone and dashed out of his room. The other students in the building also ran out and convened in front of the building. They learn just a few minutes later that the electrical transformer in their building bursted because of overheating doubled by the rising summer temperatures.

The students were advised to contact their friends from other buildings to stay there until the transformer gets fixed or go to the in-campus cafe if they need wifi since the library is closed during the weekend.

The thing is, Sunoo can stay at the cafe, but he knows he’ll just be distracted with all the noise and he won’t be able to focus on his project. He can’t stay at Jungwon’s dorm room since he went home for the weekend. He only knows one other person besides Jungwon who can accommodate him, then again, what would Sunghoon think if he calls and asks to stay in his apartment to finish his tasks for the day?

Sunoo hesitates. But in the end, he picks up his phone and dials Sunghoon’s number.

“ Hey, Sunoo. What’s up? ” Sunghoon casually says from the other line once he picked up the call.

“Hi,” Sunoo awkwardly replies. “Uhm. Listen, there was a situation here in my dorm building. The transformer bursted and we’re kind of—”

“ What? Are you okay? Are you hurt or anything? ” Sunghoon frantically asks. Sunoo ignores the weird feeling bubbling up in his stomach upon hearing Sunghoon’s worried questions and assures the TA that he’s fine.

“No one’s hurt,” he says. “But, uh… I don’t know when the power’s going to come back. I have to finish some stuff today, so I was wondering if… Uhm… You know, I can leech off of your wifi and A/C?” It was a stupid request. Sunoo can just go home, as well. But he felt that it wouldn’t hurt to ask Sunghoon. After all, he promised that he’ll be there for Sunoo if he needs him.

Sunghoon lightly chuckles from the other line. “ Yeah, sure. That’s fine. But I’m at the gym right now, so I’ll meet you in like an hour. You can go to my place now if you want to. My passcode’s 120802. ”

Sunoo splutters. “What? You just gave me your passcode like it’s no big deal? What if I rob you?”

“ You’re richer than me. You won’t do that. ”

“You’re not sure about that.”

“ Sunoo, you’re adorable. I know you’re not capable of committing crimes. ” There it was again, that funny feeling. “ Just go. I’ll meet you later, okay? Stay safe. ”

Fifteen minutes later, Sunoo stands in front of Sunghoon’s unit and successfully enters the passcode to his door. He still can’t believe that Sunghoon just revealed his passcode to him like his privacy doesn’t matter. But maybe he’ll change it after this instance. Sunoo shouldn’t think much about it.

He enters the unit and turns on the A/C. He checks his phone and opens a message that Sunghoon sent him a few minutes ago. It says that the wifi password is ‘HawaiiYou3000’. Sunoo laughs because it was a stupid joke that Sunghoon made in class before. He quickly settles in on the couch and gets to work. He finds it more comfortable than he expected, even though it has been a while since he last went there.

He’s got Sunghoon’s apartment all memorized by now. God knows how much they’ve debauched this couch and the coffee table and the carpet. Sunoo’s been pushed against every wall of this place, even the wide windows that overlook the city. His bedroom is another dimension of its own. Some marks on Sunoo’s body were made in that room along with a few ones from the kitchen and even the front door. No wonder he’s so familiar with the place. There are memories of it etched on his skin and his brain.

At the half hour mark, he takes a break and raids Sunghoon’s fridge. It’s running low on snacks, but there are uneaten ice cream bars in the freezer. Just his luck, it’s his favorite ice cream brand and flavor. He opens one pack and licks on the mint chocolate bar while leaning on the counter. Just then, the front door opens and Sunghoon comes into view with his muscle shirt and duffel bag.

“Oh, hey,” Sunghoon smiles at him. “Did the transformer get fixed already?”

“No,” Sunoo answers, trying his best to take his eyes away from Sunghoon’s gorgeous biceps. “Our RA said she’s gonna call us once the power’s restored. But I’ll probably go back once I’m finished with my tasks.”

Sunghoon purses his lips. “You can stay if you want to. I mean, with this summer heat, it’d be a bitch to sleep without the A/C on. And, uhm, don’t worry. I won’t do anything. I’ll sleep on the couch if I have to.”

Sunoo appreciates Sunghoon’s invitation, he really does. Even more so with the fact that he respects Sunoo’s space and his current feelings about the physical aspects of their… relationship, if you can call what they have a relationship. It’s tempting, but he also has to exercise restraint for himself. He’s already crossing boundaries by being in Sunghoon’s apartment when he knows all too well that there are so many other options for him to take.

“No, it’s fine. I just really need to get my work done.” He doesn’t miss the disappointed look on Sunghoon’s face, but maybe his brain is just playing tricks on him. So, instead of indulging the subject, he changes it. “I got ice cream from your freezer, by the way. I’ll just replace it with a new pack.”

Sunghoon rolls his eyes and moves forward to his desk. “Ugh, no. You can eat all of it. I don’t like mint chocolate.”

“Then, why is this in your freezer?”

“It was a prank gift from a friend,” he answers while sitting down on his office chair. He boots up his computer and puts on his glasses which make Sunoo gulp down involuntarily. “They all know I hate mint chocolate. I just forgot to throw them away.”

“Don’t throw them away,” Sunoo pouts. “I’ll take the rest.”

Sunghoon smiles at him and starts working on his computer. Sunoo finishes the bar of ice cream in record time and goes back to the couch once again. They sat in comfortable silence with only the sounds of their tapping keyboard filling the air. Sunoo steals glances from Sunghoon from time to time and indulges himself with the view of Sunghoon looking so serious with his work before going back to his own.

But there is still a small part of him that feels on edge. Sunghoon’s apartment has witnessed countless of their sexual encounters. In fact, they did nothing but fuck in this apartment that his body and mind subconsciously associates the place to that specific activity. Sunoo feels like Sunghoon would brush up on him anytime or look at him suggestively, and he’s afraid that he’d succumb to that temptation. There’s nothing wrong with it, but he wishes he weren’t too dependent on sexual gratification just to feel something.

However, nothing of the sort happened. Sunghoon just talked to him when he asked if he wanted to get dinner. Sunoo refused and said he’d pick up food on the way to his dorm room. Sunghoon didn’t look at him funny, didn’t attempt to coax Sunoo into having sex. He’s thankful for that, and to be honest, a little bit disappointed. His thoughts and feelings contradict each other that he feels frustrated himself. But in the end, he packs up his things and tells Sunghoon that he’ll head back to his dorm room.

“Alright, just tell me if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay,” Sunoo says. “Thanks for today. I’ll make it up to you.”

“There’s no need for that.”

The building set up a temporary generator when Sunoo arrived. The lights and the A/C are back on, but he can't help but feel some form of regret over declining Sunghoon’s invitation for him to stay the night. He knows it goes against his rules, but there’s something inside him that wonders what would happen if he disregards his rules altogether.

He tries not to think about it more than he should and gets some rest. Perhaps in the morning, he’ll have a clearer head to sort out what’s happening with himself.

Sunoo develops a new routine, one that he never expected he’d follow almost religiously. In fact, if someone told him about it just two weeks ago, he would’ve laughed at their faces because there’s no reason for him to spend the rest of his days after classes in his fuckbuddy’s apartment to study and eat ice cream.

But that’s exactly what he has been doing for the past week. Surprise, surprise.

To be fair, he wasn’t the one who invited himself in Sunghoon’s apartment. Ever since the power went back up in their dorm building, he spent most of his time in his room studying and figuring out how to end the semester with a bang. But there was one evening when Sunghoon sent him a text saying that the mint chocolate ice cream in his freezer is going to go bad if he doesn’t eat them. The only solution that both of them thought of was for Sunoo to come to Sunghoon’s apartment and eat the ice cream one bar at a time.

There’s one remaining ice cream bar that Sunoo’s currently munching on while listening to a recorded physics lecture. He has found his place on Sunghoon’s couch while the owner of the apartment settles on his desk, preparing for an important presentation.

If one were to ask Sunoo why he let himself bend his own rules for the sake of ice cream, he doesn’t think he’d have any concrete justifications for it. He’s not that shallow. But he thinks it’s not all that bad. It’s not like he completely ignored the rules he set for himself. For instance, he goes back to his dorm room at exactly 10 PM because he’s mostly done with his work by then and Sunghoon starts to wash up for bed. He doesn’t want to stay any longer because that would be rude.

They still don’t have sex or do anything remotely physical. They always keep their distance when they work and they only sit close to each other when they eat dinner. Speaking of dinner, Sunghoon has been cooking dinner for the two of them. He says it’s his way to destress. Sunoo would have laughed at it but he remembers that the only other way Sunghoon knows how to destress is fuck the life out of him. And even though it’s not a bad idea, Sunoo feels like they’re still working on themselves before they could go to that territory again.

Sunghoon’s food is decent. Sunoo especially liked the dumplings he made, and he’s grateful that the TA is letting him eat his food for free, even though he insisted on paying for it. Sunghoon just tells him to give his honest feedback as payment.

It’s a comfortable setup. And maybe if they continue it, Sunoo would be willing to admit that he sees Sunghoon as a genuine friend.

However, the last ice cream bar also means that he doesn’t have a reason to come here anymore. There’s no other excuse to leech off of Sunghoon’s wifi or get free food. He’d be back in his dorm room without Sunghoon’s silly jokes or the smell of his perfume. Sunoo will never admit it, but the thought somehow makes his chest feel heavy. And judging by the frown on Sunghoon’s face, he wants to think that the TA shares the same disappointment as he does.

“Hey, Sunoo,” Sunghoon calls from his desk. He’s wearing a red and black striped shirt and his hair is a mess. The bags under his eyes look so much more prominent against his pale skin that not even his glasses could obscure them. He’s the posterboy for stressed college students.

Sunoo pauses his lecture. “Yes?”

Sunghoon hesitates to speak again, but it’s obvious that he wanted to request something from Sunoo. “I know we’re not really… You know…” He winces and makes a strange hand gesture that Sunoo figures must refer to their sexual activities. He chuckles. “But… Uhm… Can we cuddle?”

“What?” Sunghoon never asked to cuddle before, not even when they were still having sex. And Sunoo probably gave him reasons not to ask for it with all his made up rules. But for Sunghoon to do so now must mean that he’s desperate to get some sort of stress relief. Whatever he’s working on must put a lot of pressure on him.

Sunoo doesn’t respond immediately, weighing the pros and cons in his head before answering. He’s going to bend his rules again if he agrees to it, then again, what’s the harm in saying yes? It’s not like Sunghoon is asking for more. They’re just going to cuddle for a few minutes. Sunoo can use some stress relief, too. The tons of requirements needed before ending the semester is putting a toll on him as well.

“You can say no, of course,” Sunghoon adds like he’s embarrassed. “I just thought I’d ask.”

Sunoo looks at the popsicle stick on his hand. He’s already finished the last ice cream bar and he’s most likely not going to come back in Sunghoon’s apartment in a while, so maybe it’s fine to humor the TA on his request. “Is it okay if we do it on the couch?”

Sunghoon’s face lights up in both delight and confusion, but he nods his head eagerly. “Yeah, of course. If that’s alright with you.”

“It’s okay.” Sunoo puts the popsicle stick on the coffee table and makes room for Sunghoon. The TA takes his glasses of and walks over to the couch with a goofy smile on his face, making Sunoo roll his eyes in half-amusement and half-annoyance. He’s mostly amused by the fact that Sunghoon had the guts to request something from him, but also annoyed that it’s so easy for him to say yes.

The couch sinks under Sunghoon’s weight, and there is a moment of awkwardness between the two of them until Sunghoon opens his arms. “Come here.”

Sunoo grimaces but lets himself be enveloped by Sunghoon’s strong arms. They lay on the couch on their sides, facing each other. Their legs tangle and dangle on the couch because they’re both too tall to fit their bodies entirely in it. They wiggle for a moment to find a comfortable position, and when Sunghoon finally presses against the back of the couch, he takes a deep breath and squeezes Sunoo’s small body against his chest.

Sunoo could feel Sunghoon’s heartbeat under his fingertips. He could feel the pressure of Sunghoon’s arms and hands on his back. If it were any other day, he would’ve felt a lot more unpleasant because it’s not in his nature to indulge himself in juvenile activities like cuddling. But maybe the stress is eating him up too. Or maybe Sunghoon’s cologne smells nice that’s why he finds himself sighing a breath of relief when they’re finally pressed against each other.

“You’re so soft,” Sunghoon murmurs against the top of his head. “I mean, I knew that already. But I still get amazed.”

“And you’re so… muscly,” Sunoo retorts, making Sunghoon chuckle lightly. “I’m a hundred percent sure you’re a gym rat.” He lets his hands travel up Sunghoon’s arm to feel his biceps underneath the piece of fabric of his clothes. There’s no ounce of lust in it, just pure fascination of how hard work results in a statuesque figure. The human body is like a work of art. And maybe Sunghoon can be compared to David.

Sunoo slightly tips his head and sees that Sunghoon’s eyes are closed. His long lashes kiss his cheeks and his pretty lips are drawn into a neutral line. He notices how smooth Sunghoon’s skin is and how his cheeks are slightly pink because of the chilly air. He should’ve known all of these before, but he didn’t particularly pay too much attention to Sunghoon’s features up close. He never had time for it because their affairs are always quick, and he leaves so abruptly.

Despite that, he can see the lines forming on Sunghoon’s handsome face—testaments to the hard work he’s been putting in university, and perhaps life in general. “What are you working on, by the way?” Sunghoon asks in a whisper.

Sunghoon grumbles lightheartedly, eyes still closed, and answers. “It’s a presentation for the Board. For my scholarship.”

“Scholarship?” Sunoo asks. “I’m not being judgmental or anything. I just never thought you were on a scholarship.”

“Yes, well, my daddy doesn’t have money,” Sunghoon snarkily replies, making Sunoo roll his eyes. Sunghoon catches it just in time when he cracks one eye open.

“Don’t ever say that again, it’s weird,” Sunoo says. “Well, if your parents aren’t paying for uni, Dr. Soo is?”

Sunghoon nods. “Yes. She offered to pay for my tuition fully, but I felt guilty about it, so I took up a scholarship and she pays for the rest of my living expenses. You know how she never married and doesn’t have kids?” Sunoo nods. “I’m kind of like her kid. She’s helping me out, I’m also helping out at her hospital and research institute.”

“Oh, that’s cool.”

They fall into silence after that, just reveling in each other’s warmth and the pressure of their bodies against each other. It’s not a luxury that Sunoo is used to having. Usually, when he’s this close to another person, he’s in the throes of messy pleasure and lewd pursuits, but this time, it feels different. It’s a different kind of pleasure, one that calms his heart rate instead of speeding it up. But there’s a small part in Sunoo that worries his body might search for this again, and he’s not sure if he has the guts to ask this from Sunghoon or if Sunghoon would ever open such an opportunity as this.

So, Sunoo savors it. He lets his body feel small around Sunghoon’s arms and strong chest. He rubs his leg against Sunghoon’s in a weird version of footsies. And he draws small circles on Sunghoon’s back with his thumb while the latter does the same for him. For a moment, he forgets how they started as—fuckbuddies. Maybe that term is too crass considering they’ve done no fucking for the last few days. He thinks ‘friends with benefits’ is better.

Yeah, the least that they are are friends. And the benefits don’t have to be limited to sexual pleasure. It could be cuddles such as this, or dinners together, or just silent moments when both of them focus on their homework.

For the first time in a long time, Sunoo feels at ease. The only question is how long it would last.

“When’s your presentation?” Sunoo asks before he could let himself succumb into sleep.

“Last Friday of the month, after I’m done with my exams,” Sunghoon answers in an equally tired voice.

Sunoo hums. “Right after my exams, I guess.” He holds Sunghoon tighter just because he can and just because Sunghoon lets him. “Good luck.”

Chapter Text

On the Saturday leading to Sunoo’s finals week, he makes the bold decision to quit studying for the entire day and lets himself be dragged to the country club by his parents. He feels like he earned the rest and relaxation after studying countless hours. If he memorizes another chemistry concept, his brain will most likely explode and he’ll just bomb his exams. A day of pampering and light drinking wouldn’t hurt.

He spent the most of his morning tailing his mother. They went to the spa to get massages. Though Sunoo’s intention is to relax, he couldn’t help but to name the muscles that the masseuse presses on in his head. Then, they gossiped with his mother’s friends during lunch and started day-drinking, as one would expect. But in the afternoon, his dad surprisingly invites him over to golf, even though both of them know that Sunoo is shit at it. He just never got the appeal. It’s so boring and quite elitist, in his opinion. But his dad rarely insists on something, so he tags along and tries his best to hit the golf ball despite several failed attempts.

His dad, on the other hand, is a pro at it. His dad’s posture and power is perfect, and it’s obvious that his old man is enjoying it. They don’t spend a lot of time together, so Sunoo thinks the sport is just an excuse for his dad to bond with him. The good thing is that alcohol is allowed in the field, so Sunoo lounges on the bench while taking ginger sips of Bellini.

“When’s your semester going to be over?” his dad asks while picking out a golf club from his bag. Sunoo answers him and he nods. “Your mother is planning to go to Santorini once you’re on your break. I think that’s a good idea. It’d be a perfect opportunity to introduce you to Leon.”

Sunoo feels a weird sensation in his stomach, and he’s sure it’s not from the cocktail he’s drinking. “Leon? Who’s Leon?”

His dad wacks the small golf ball and watches it grow smaller and smaller in the distance before turning back to him. “My friend’s son. He’s studying Engineering in Athens, but I’m sure he can make some time when we visit.”

Sunoo rolls his eyes at the unspoken suggestion about dating whoever this Leon guy is. It’s a good thing that his dad is sane enough not to pull a Yang, but setting him up for dates feels just as bad. “I don’t speak Greek, and I’m sure he doesn’t speak Korean. It’ll never work.”

His dad shrugs. “You can both speak English. You’ll survive.”

“Dad…” he groans. It’s very similar to his spoiled whining tone when he was younger, but it’s good that it still has the same effect because his dad immediately looks at him, albeit having a straight face.

“What?”

“I’m not going to meet this Leon guy and I’m not going to date him.”

His dad’s eye twitches slightly, he almost misses it, but the old man pauses his game for a moment and asks his caddie to go get him a glass of whiskey. Sunoo thinks he’s predisposed to being an alcoholic if both of his parents approve of day-drinking. Then, his old man goes back to his game, hitting balls harder than he did before.

“Why not? It’s been years since you last dated. You’re doing well in university. I’m sure you have time to meet new people.” The old man hits the golf ball, but curses when he misses.

“I’m not ready, dad,” Sunoo reasons. It’s the truth. He doesn’t think he’s ready to commit to anything serious. In fact, that time may never come, and that’s okay. He thinks. But he can’t deny the strange feeling in his chest when he thinks about a future where he’s all alone, with no romance whatsoever in his life. He’s an idealistic. Maybe there’s just a small part of him that doesn’t want to be completely alone.

His dad clicks his tongue. “When will you be ready, Sunoo? Your mom and I aren’t getting any younger. We want to see you happy.”

Sunoo snorts. “Oh, please, dad. I know you just want a business deal.”

“That’s not entirely true.” His last shot was a lot weaker. “I worry about you, Sunoo. I may not show it, but you’re still my son. And I don’t want you to be unhappy,” he says so fondly, Sunoo almost got whiplash. He’s so used to his father’s strict and stoic manners that any ounce of affection from him is a rarity. “You’re lucky I haven’t pulled a Yang yet.” And back to business again. Sunoo wonders if his dad is allergic to tenderness, but if he were, then maybe Sunoo takes after him.

“I’d be a lot more unhappy if you set me up with someone I don’t know,” Sunoo retorts. “Besides, you and mom weren’t set up. You loved her.”

Sunoo’s dad shakes his head. “Not at first.”

“Liar.”

“It’s true.” The caddie arrived with a glass of whiskey. Sunoo’s dad takes a sip before letting the caddie hold it for him as he resumes golfing. “I was like you before. I thought marriage was a sham, that love is dead. I was focused on studying and working and pleasing everyone.” His dad glances at the last comment, but Sunoo just quirks an eyebrow at him. “When we met, I just thought she was nice. Pretty. But I didn’t envision a future with her.”

“What changed then?”

It’s small but Sunoo sees the curve on his dad’s lips when he reminisces the moments with his mom before they started getting together. “The little things.”

“The little things?”

Sunoo’s dad nods. “Yes. The little things. How she remembered that I wear my wristwatch on the right even though I’m right-handed. Or that my guilty pleasure is eating a bag of Hershey’s Kisses during exams week. All of those things were mentioned in passing, but she remembered them. And I realized that she cared so much more for me than I thought.”

Sunoo has never seen this side of his dad. He’s never heard of these stories, these tiny snippets of his parents’ lives before they got married and started a family. It’s not the grandest love story nor the most memorable, but it matters. It matters to his dad. It matters to his mom. And it matters to him, because if those realizations didn’t occur, he wouldn’t have existed.

“But you still weren’t forced or anything,” Sunoo remarks, making his dad snort.

“I guess you’re right,” the old man says. “What I’m trying to tell you is that, even though you don’t feel any love or affection for someone initially, those feelings might change when you give the effort in knowing them, in paying attention. And, who knows, maybe you’ll learn to appreciate them.”

He can’t say whether his dad is right or not, but there is a familiar feeling stirring in his stomach. He looks down at the glass of Bellini in his hand and a memory suddenly flashes at the back of his mind. He remembers Sunghoon during the auction and how they engaged in mindless and emotionless debauchery. But he also realizes how Sunghoon respects his rules, no matter how ridiculous they may be, no matter how worked up he is in breaking them. And then there was that big spat in Sunghoon’s apartment that made Sunoo confess about his past. There were the dinners and the conversations and the cuddling on the couch.

It’s ridiculous, he thinks. Why would he think about Sunghoon in this situation? Their arrangement is miles different from his parents’ arrangement. Sunoo and Sunghoon have sex with each other and neither of them have any feelings toward each other.

Sunoo needs to remember that.

He finishes his cocktail and tells his dad that golf is boring.

Dorm room, classroom, dorm room, classroom—that has been Sunoo’s routine for the past two weeks as he prepares for the conclusion of his first semester in university. It’s uneventful, boring, and definitely brain-frying, but he needs to push through and finish all of his exams and other projects. He exchanged a total of two texts with Jungwon during that time. His inbox is filled with food delivery notices, instead.

He also hasn’t seen Sunghoon around campus, though he doesn’t think it matters all that much. The semester is ending, anyway, and if he goes to Santorini with his parents during break, that would also mean that he won’t be seeing Sunghoon until the start of the next semester. He’s not even sure if their current arrangement will continue. Sunghoon will be preparing for his senior year and he might not have a lot of time to waste having sex or partying. But that’s a different thing to worry about.

Sunoo’s last exam is biology. They’re currently taking it in the same classroom where they conduct the lectures, so it’s advantageous in remembering the concepts given the familiar environment. The exam isn’t easy, but Sunoo figures that hours of his hard work are not going to be put to waste. He answers everything carefully and makes sure to review everything before the time ends. After an hour, their professor rings a bell and signals them to come forward per row to submit their papers.

Sunoo is the last person on his row. He follows behind his lab partner, Se-eun, and glances at the skirt she’s wearing. It’s sparkly and kind of distracting, but she mentioned earlier that it was a lucky piece of clothing so she always wears it during exams. Their professor smiles at the students and congratulates them on finishing the semester. But he holds a hand up to Sunoo and asks him to stay for a moment.

“I’m actually going to need student assistants for the new research that I’m starting next semester. I’ll send you an email about it and let me know if you’re interested.”

Sunoo smiles and thanks his professor for the invitation. Then, he starts walking toward the exit, taking a last glance on the desk behind the professor, the one Sunghoon uses. He suddenly stops in his tracks.

It’s the last Friday of the month.

He walks back to the professor’s desk, making the old man look at him questioningly. “Sir, I heard that the students who are on scholarship are doing presentations for the Board today.”

“Why, yes. How’d you know about that?”

Sunoo shrugs. “A friend mentioned it in passing.” He scratches the back of his head when he asks again. “Well, do you happen to know where those presentations are going to be? I’d like to know if my friend did well.”

The professor looks away for a moment as he thinks. “Most probably at the Office of Admissions. They have a conference hall for those presentations.”

Sunoo thanks the professor and heads out of the building. It wasn’t in his plan to check on Sunghoon, but his feet betray him and lead him to the said building. Students are starting to file out from every building, all sighing in relief as they successfully finish the semester.

Sunoo locates the Office of Admissions and sees a couple of unfamiliar students exiting the room with smiles on their faces. He cranes his neck to find a familiar head full of silver hair. He doesn’t spot Sunghoon immediately as the latter was one of the last ones to exit, but when he notices the subtle smile on his face, his chest feels lighter somehow.

Sunghoon exits with another colleague by his side. They’re both wearing formal attires, black tie and all. He’s also wearing his glasses, Sunoo notes.

“Up for a smoke break?” Sunghoon’s friend asks him when they make it out of the door. Sunghoon still hasn’t noticed Sunoo.

Sunghoon shakes his head and puts up a hand to politely decline. “No, thanks. I’m trying to quit.”

“I’ve heard that before,” his friend snorts.

“It’s for real this time. It’s bad for me.”

“Okay then,” Sunghoon’s friend resigns. They part ways, and that was when Sunghoon finally gets a glimpse of Sunoo, who was unconsciously leaning on the wall while waiting for him.

Sunghoon smiles, though there was a hint of confusion on his face. “Sunoo? What are you doing here?”

“Oh.” Sunoo wasn’t able to answer immediately. He’s also half-confused as to why he made his way to the building. He just felt like it was the right thing to do, for some reason. “I just remembered your presentation. I thought I could cheer you on, but I guess you’re done.”

The smile on Sunghoon’s face grows wider, and Sunoo can’t deny the way it makes his stomach flip anymore.

“Everything went well,” Sunghoon answers. “How about you? Done with exams?”

Sunoo nods and fidgets with the straps of his backpack. “Yes. I had biology last.”

“How was it?”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Sunoo confidently replies. Both of them chuckle on their way out of the building.

Awkwardness falls upon them when they both realize that there is nothing more for them to do as the semester ends. Sunghoon isn’t Sunoo’s TA anymore. And they have yet to discuss what happens to their arrangement once the next term starts. But Sunoo feels like he’s quickly losing his chance to speak.

“Sunoo,” Sunghoon says to break the silence between them. “Are you… Do… Do you have plans?” Sunoo has never seen Sunghoon look so nervous before. The latter always exudes some kind of confidence that makes him so charming to other people. But as he voices out the question, Sunoo can’t help but notice a different version of Sunghoon.

“No, not really,” Sunoo answers. “I’ll just go back to my dorm room and watch a movie. Maybe order takeout.”

Sunghoon nods. “Well, it’s the end of the semester. I’m done with my presentation and you’re done with exams. If… If you’d like, let’s have a celebration of sorts. I know this awesome ramen place and it’d be nice if you join me for dinner.”

It isn’t the first time that Sunghoon invited him to this ramen place, wherever it is. The first time made Sunoo feel weird, disgusted. He was so adamant on keeping the boundaries between them clear for the preservation of his feelings. But this time, none of those feelings return. If anything, they’ve morphed into something… more positive, like he was waiting for Sunghoon to ask, to cross over the blurring boundaries.

“Sure.” Sunghoon doesn’t speak for a few moments, obviously surprised at Sunoo’s reply, but then his face breaks into a relieved smile and he gestures for Sunoo to follow him to the parking lot where his car is.

They buckle up and Sunghoon starts driving. “It’s quite near the campus, but it’s not that popular, so I don’t think anyone will know us.”

“I don’t mind,” Sunoo says while keeping his eyes forward. “We’re just two friends eating ramen, as far as they’re concerned.”

Sunghoon snorts. “Right.”

But it doesn't matter in the end because someone they know is actually sitting on one of the tables. What’s worse is that it just so happens to be Jungwon. The other chair is unoccupied, but there is an empty bowl of ramen in front of it, so Sunoo guesses Jay is also somewhere in the restaurant.

“Sunoo-hyung?” Jungwon calls him before he could pretend he didn’t see him.

Sunoo awkwardly smiles and approaches his friend, thankful that Sunghoon is making an order at the counter so they’re not together. “Jungwon? Hey. Are you with Jay?”

“Yeah. He just went to the bathroom,” Jungwon says while standing up. “I was going to invite you with us but I remembered that you had a different schedule.”

“That’s fine.”

Jungwon crinkles his brows like he wants to ask something, but in the end, he doesn’t. “Uhm… Well, they have great food here so…” Jay joins them a few moments later and smiles obliviously at Sunoo.

“Are you here with someone?” Jay asks. Sunoo doesn’t miss the wince on Jungwon’s face.

“Just a friend,” he answers as inconspicuous as possible, though he knows Jungwon sees through his ruse. Luckily, it works on Jay and they finally bid their farewells before Sunghoon joins him again.

He doesn’t mention seeing Jungwon and Jay, and it seems like Sunghoon has no idea of their presence either. They, instead, focus on the food. Sunoo isn’t disappointed at all, it’s as delicious as Sunghoon made it out to be.

They chat idly about their exams and Sunghoon shares that he’s quite confident about the results of his presentation, that he’ll be able to keep his scholarship for the next semester. At the mention of the next semester, Sunoo grows conscious. He wants to ask Sunghoon if he wants to continue what they’re doing, but the words never make it out of his mouth.

He doesn’t know why he can’t ask it. He never asked that question to his previous partners before. He’s used to mutual understanding on when things would end. But with Sunghoon, he doesn’t know why it’s different. Maybe because he grew more comfortable with being vulnerable with him after confessing his past. Or maybe because Sunghoon isn’t showing signs of wanting end it either.

Before he can come to a conclusion, both of them have already finished their meal and are now making their way back to the parking lot. Sunoo thinks he should ask Sunghoon before it’s too late.

“I can drop you off at your building,” Sunghoon says.

“No,” Sunoo manages to protest. He wants to ask Sunghoon, but another question comes out of his mouth instead. “Can I… Can I stay at your place for a while?” he asks. “It’s still early and I have nothing else to do. You have Netflix and popcorn. Maybe we can watch a movie together?”

Sunghoon looks stunned, but he nods and smiles at him sincerely. “Sure. I’d love to have some company.”

“Do you have any plans for break?” Sunghoon asks Sunoo while he drops the last pieces of chicken nuggets in boiling oil. They both agreed on having chicken and beer while watching movies, but Sunghoon only had frozen chicken nuggets in his fridge.

Sunoo isn’t too fussy. He didn’t plan to be in Sunghoon’s apartment that night, but he figured that maybe the alcohol could give him the courage to finally ask Sunghoon.

Sunoo fiddles with his beer bottle, wiping the condensation on the glass with his thumb. “I might go to Santorini, but I’m not sure yet.”

Sunghoon makes an impressed expression and wipes the sweat forming on his forehead. He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt earlier because of the heat, but Sunoo doesn’t know why Sunghoon hasn’t taken off his necktie yet. He doesn’t complain because it looks nice on him.

“Wow, I could never understand rich people,” Sunghoon chides. “Why aren’t you sure yet, though? J heard Greece is beautiful.”

Sunoo bites his lip and takes a long sip of his beer. “‘Cause my dad’s trying to set me up with a guy there,” he bluntly says, instantly wishing he didn’t mention it at all. He sees Sunghoon stiffen slightly, but the latter he it off and focuses on cooking the chicken nuggets.

“Oh. I see.”

It’s not the reaction Sunoo wants to hear, even though he’s not entirely sure how he wanted Sunghoon to react in the first place. He feels a little disappointed. But he can only take another sip of his beer.

“Can you take out the ranch? It’s in the fridge,” Sunghoon asks him.

Sunoo nods and opens the fridge to get the bottle of dressing, but something catches his attention. There, behind the clear glass of the freezer door, is a bag of mint chocolate chip ice cream bars. He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him, but when he moved closer to inspect it, he realized it was real.

He opens the freezer and takes the pack in his hands, then he turns toward Sunghoon who was scooping out the last pieces of nuggets. When Sunghoon turns to him and notices the bag of ice cream bars, he grows pale.

“I thought you hated mint chocolate chip ice cream,” Sunoo says bluntly, accusingly even.

Sunghoon visibly gulps and feigns ignorance. “I do.”

“Then, why is this in your freezer?” By then, Sunoo’s hands are shaking, anticipating Sunghoon’s answer, though the latter took some time before opening his mouth to speak again.

“I…” Sunghoon clears his throat and doesn’t look at Sunoo when he replies. “The week before finals, I thought you were going to come here again. But I realized that you had no reason to come. You finished your ice cream bars and we’re not… We’re not really the same anymore.”

The side of Sunoo’s mouth twitches and he feels like his chest has been punched rather violently.

Sunghoon huffs at himself without any trace of humor in his eyes. “I thought it’d be a good excuse to buy those, but it was stupid, so I just didn’t contact you. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

The little things , Sunoo remembers his dad saying. The pack of ice cream in Sunoo’s hand is one of those little things that Sunghoon knows about him. Sunghoon knows that he likes mint chocolate chip ice cream. Sunghoon knows he grows uncomfortable with cheesy things. Sunghoon knows they’re not the same anymore.

And yet, there they are in Sunghoon’s kitchen, saying more than what they need to without even talking.

Sunoo turns around again and puts the pack back in the freezer. He knows now why it’s so difficult for him to ask Sunghoon whether he wants to continue their arrangement or not—he doesn’t want things between them to stop. He can’t let go of whatever hold Sunghoon has on him. Sunghoon is the only one who plays by his rules, the only one who cares enough to know why those rules were set in the first place. Sunghoon quit smoking. Sunghoon bought him ice cream. Sunghoon tells him he’s beautiful. Sunghoon doesn’t lie to him.

Sunghoon… Sunghoon… Sunghoon…

When he turns back around, Sunoo doesn’t hesitate to pull Sunghoon by his necktie.

It is instantaneous—the crashing of their lips—and the feeling is nothing that Sunoo has ever felt before. The adrenaline rush surges through his veins, his heart pumping a mile a minute. His skin burns when he touches Sunghoon’s skin, and his lips instinctively press against the latter’s like it was molded for kissing Sunghoon. Sunghoon doesn’t leave him a moment of doubt or a chance to pull back because he’s kissing Sunoo with equal fervor, like they have unleashed a hunger that they have been holding backfor a long time.

Sunoo groans when he feels his hips meeting the edge of the kitchen counter as Sunghoon pushes him against it. They are a mess of tangled limbs in a matter of minutes, but Sunoo wants more. They both want more. Sunoo’s hands are on Sunghoon’s chest, loosening his neck tie and undoing the first buttons of his shirt. He slips his hand underneath the soft cotton and feels Sunghoon’s heart racing against his fingertips.

Sunghoon is as eager as he is, gripping him by the waist like a vice, making sure to leave bruises before they could even begin their plans of debauchery. He kisses Sunoo messily, prodding his tongue here and there, biting his lips without care. Sunoo welcomes the feeling of Sunghoon’s hand on his backside, moaning as the latter squeezes them so harshly. Sunghoon presses their groins against each other, letting Sunoo feel just how much he’s been waiting for him, just how ready he is for the taking. It doesn’t take long before Sunghoon parts Sunoo’s legs with his. He slides his knee in between Sunoo’s legs and lets the younger one rut against him, providing that temporary pleasure that they both know will never be enough.

“Shit,” Sunoo curses when Sunghoon unceremoniously lifts him up to sit on the counter. He hears the older one chuckle as he quickly removes his glasses. Sunoo immediately wraps his legs around Sunghoon’s waist and resumes kissing him, tangling his fingers in Sunghoon’s hair.

Sunghoon kisses him more, reveling in the opportunity that Sunoo gives him after months of depriving him of this kind of touch. Sunoo admits that he likes it too, the pressure of Sunghoon’s lips and body against him.

“I knew you were a good kisser,” Sunghoon briefly whispers before placing his strong hand on Sunoo’s jaw. Sunoo can’t help but chuckle as well because Sunghoon is right—he’s a good kisser. Sunghoon isn’t so bad either. Every pucker of his lips is electrifying. When he sucks on Sunoo’s tongue, it’s so sinful.

“Sunghoon…” Sunoo manages to say in between bated breaths. “Bedroom?”

It wasn’t really a question, more like a command or a reminder. As much as Sunoo likes having sex in places where you’re not supposed to have it, it’s a lot more comfortable getting his back pounded on a more comfortable place. Sunghoon nods and carries him by his thighs, securing his legs with his strong arms as he makes his way to the bedroom. Not once did their mouths part. And only when Sunoo was discarded on the mattress did they get the chance to catch their breaths.

Sunghoon looms over him with rosy cheeks and a sweaty forehead. They’re both breathless at the sudden turn of events and Sunoo only realizes that they left their food in the kitchen. Then again, who has the appetite for such a thing when Sunghoon’s already on top of him?

They smile at each other for a split second before Sunghoon leans down to kiss him again. This time, his lips lower down to Sunoo’s chin and jaw. Then, he marks his trail down Sunoo’s neck, making sure to bite ever so gently on his pulse point. Sunoo can’t help but moan at the pressure of Sunghoon’s mouth and teeth, throwing his head back unconsciously to allow Sunghoon to give him that pleasurable sensation once more.

Along with Sunghoon’s every nip at his skin, Sunoo’s back arches, chasing some form of pleasure where he needs it the most, but Sunghoon isn’t giving it to him yet. The night is still young, and knowing Sunghoon, he’ll drag out every second until Sunoo begs for release.

Sunghoon puts his hand under Sunoo’s sweater and takes his time to map out Sunoo’s smooth skin with his fingers. Sunoo’s skin feels like it’s on fire whenever Sunghoon’s hand goes over it, and the sensations increase tenfold when Sunghoon thumbs at a nipple. He circles it with the pad of his thumb, alternating between pinches and presses. It’s all too much already, and Sunoo feels like he’s going to cum in his pants before Sunghoon could even get to his underwear.

“Take it off,” Sunoo breathlessly whispers as he refers to his sweater. Sunghoon complies and pulls it over Sunoo’s head. Where his thumb was just a second ago was completely replaced by his mouth. He sucks on Sunoo’s nipple, licks it and bites gently while his other hand rolls Sunoo’s other nipple between a thumb and a forefinger. “Fuck…! I’m not going to last if you keep this up,” Sunoo confesses.

The older one chuckles and stops his ministrations to kiss Sunoo again. While their mouths are latched like leeches, Sunghoon makes quick work of Sunoo’s belt, pulling his jeans down until they reach his knees. “Lift your legs up for a sec,” Sunghoon says. Sunoo does as he’s told, allowing Sunghoon to completely take off his pants, leaving him in only his boxers. Sunoo’s dick strains against the fabric and a small wet patch is quickly forming where his head is located. “You’re so pretty,” Sunghoon tells him while squeezing the meat of his thighs. “I want to ruin you, Sunoo.”

“Yes…” Sunoo mindlessly agrees. They kiss once again, savoring every moment like they’re making up for lost times. Sunoo’s shaky fingers try their best to unfasten the remaining buttons on Sunghoon’s shirt while the latter starts grinding against his groin.

“Is this good?” Sunghoon asks like he doesn’t know the answer already, but Sunoo nods just the same. Sunghoon completely gets rid of his shirt and also starts removing his black slacks. Soon enough, he’s also in his underwear.

Sunoo can make out the hard lines of Sunghoon’s member, his pink head peeks on top of the waistband. Without thinking, Sunoo reaches out for it, pulling Sunghoon’s boxers down to expose the head, then he circles it with his hands and presses on the slit with his thumb. Sunghoon involuntarily thrusts into his hand, an entertaining sight to Sunoo. Sunghoon doesn’t stop him. Instead, he bites his bottom lip in satisfaction and lets Sunoo do whatever he wants.

Sunoo watches Sunghoon’s eyes roll backward when he makes an up and down motion with his hand. It boosts his confidence and he musters up the courage to push Sunghoon down on the mattress. Sunghoon’s eyes open in surprise when his back hits the bed. “What are you doing?” he innocently asks Sunoo when the latter gains dominance over him. Sunoo just giggles and pulls Sunghoon’s boxers down, leaving him fully in the nude.

Sunoo’s head is starting to descend, his mouth salivating at the vision of Sunghoon’s member, but the latter gently pulls him up by the chin and sits up to kiss him so tenderly, it almost gives Sunoo whiplash. “What are you up to, you little minx?” Sunghoon teases.

“I’m going to suck on your dick until I choke,” Sunoo bluntly answers, making Sunghoon’s eyes widen a fraction. The straightforward reply somehow entertains Sunghoon, so he chuckles and kisses Sunoo again.

“How about you sit on my face while you take care of me down there, hmm?” Sunghoon suggests.

Sunoo is immediately a hundred percent on board. This kind of position—69—isn’t his most favorite, but perhaps it’s time to reevaluate his preferences.

Sunghoon lays back on the mattress again the same time as Sunoo turns around so he can hover his backside above Sunghoon’s head. He leans down and takes a peek between his legs, and he sees Sunghoon patting on his chest, signalling Sunoo to descend. Sunoo turns back on Sunghoon’s bulging member. The pink head entices him, he can already taste Sunghoon’s release on his tongue just by looking.

Then, without further ado, Sunoo lets himself sit on Sunghoon’s face. The older one instantly parts his soft cheeks to prod at his hole with his tongue. Sunoo groans because Sunghoon’s tongue isn’t entering yet, he just presses against the rim and licks a stripe along the middle of his cheeks. It feels so fucking fantastic. What more when Sunghoon’s dick rearranges his guts?

As Sunghoon pleasures him, Sunoo also leans down to suck at the hard dick in front of him. He opens his mouth widely and relaxes his jaw to accommodate Sunghoon’s entire length. He crinkles his brow when the head of Sunghoon’s dick reaches the back of his throat, making the latter thrust up involuntarily. “Fuck, Sunoo,” he hears Sunghoon in between his legs. He chuckles and takes Sunghoon in his mouth again.

He focuses on the head next, swirling his tongue around, over, and under it until saliva spills on the side of his mouth. He collects the drool with his fingers and rubs it along Sunghoon’s shaft—slowly, then quickly, alternating in between to keep Sunghoon on his toes.

Sunoo likes receiving such kind of carnal pleasure, but he also enjoys giving it. He likes the messy parts. He likes hearing his partner’s noises. And he also gets physical pleasure from it, loving the way Sunghoon’s dick passes smoothly through his lips to hit his soft palate.

He continues bobbing his head up and down while his hands squeeze Sunghoon’s balls gently. He knows Sunghoon is getting worked up because of the groans dampened by Sunoo’s own skin.

Sunoo starts getting smug with his skills, but he’s quickly put back in his place when Sunghoon finally digs his tongue beyond Sunoo’s rim. The sensation of the wet appendage inside him makes him pause, his jaw going slack as he relishes the feeling. It doesn’t take long for Sunghoon’s tongue to be joined by a finger, stretching Sunoo out like he’s out of practice. To be fair, Sunoo wasn’t able to do any type of sexual pleasuring ever since he had a spat with Sunghoon. It’s like he’s being revirginized during those times.

“So tight,” Sunghoon comments.

Sunoo unconsciously pushes his ass down harder to force Sunghoon’s tongue and finger to go deeper where he needs them the most, but it doesn’t matter in the end because Sunghoon starts jerking him off in tandem with his tongue. Sunoo props himself up by his hands and bounces slightly on Sunghoon’s face, getting addicted to the feeling.

Sunoo feels like he’s going crazy, but it’s not just about him. Sunghoon must be feeling insane as well. So, while Sunghoon fucks him with his mouth and fingers, Sunoo returns the favor eagerly. He hollows his cheeks as he sucks Sunghoon’s dick again, picking up his pace and making sure that every inch of Sunghoon is covered by his mouth. Sunghoon thrusts up into his mouth while he bounces on the other’s face.

He can cum like that, but he knows it isn’t the right time. Luckily, Sunghoon feels the same. He taps Sunghoon twice on the thigh and backs off from his ass. “Sunoo, not yet,” he says. “I want to fuck you properly.”

Sunoo wants to say that he deserves to be fucked properly, that he wants Sunghoon to turn him inside out and maybe use him as some sort of sex doll. But all that leaves his mouth is a shaky, “Yes.”

Sunoo slides off of Sunghoon and leans back on the pillows once more. Sunghoon crawls up and assumes his previous position on top of Sunoo while humping his hips so their dicks could have that muted pleasure.

Even though it may be disgusting, Sunghoon and Sunoo kiss again. Sunoo eagerly wraps his arms around Sunghoon’s neck and opens his mouth to welcome the taste of his own body on Sunghoon’s mouth. It’s filthy but it awakens the blood in his veins.

“Oh… hyung…” The honorific involuntarily slips out when Sunghoon plays with Sunoo’s nipple again, but Sunoo can’t miss the way Sunghoon’s dick twitches at it. He snorts. “Hyung is a pervert,” he teases.

“Yes, and hyung’s not gonna let you cum if you don’t play nice.” Sunoo whimpers. He wants to cum, he’s desperate for it and Sunghoon knows that too. “You want to cum, huh? You want hyung to fuck you so hard and make you cum like there’s no tomorrow?”

Sunoo draws out a long moan. “Mmm… Yes, hyung…”

Sunghoon smiles. “Good boy.” Sunoo shivers at the praise, but he finds that he wants more of it. He wants Sunghoon to tell him that he’s doing well, that he’s a good boy. He wants Sunghoon’s eyes and whole body to be on him only. And maybe then he can get his release.

Sunghoon breaks away for a moment and fetches his favorite bottle of strawberry lube from the bedside drawer. He also tosses and newly-purchased pack of condoms on the side of the bed.

“I’m gonna fuck you with my fingers first,” Sunghoon crudely whispers while putting lube on his hands. Sunghoon watches him warm it up with his fingers before tracing circles on his rim again. “You want that?”

Sunoo bites his lips and nods. “Yes, hyung. Fuck me with your fingers.”

“Shit.”

“Call me sweetheart,” Sunoo instructs.

Sunghoon kisses him again. “I’m gonna open you up, sweetheart.”

Sunoo usually feels shitty whenever someone calls him by a nickname. For the longest time, he despises being called ‘baby’ because that’s how Hyunjin called him even though he was unfaithful. And he’s not ready to hear that yet, so he came up with a new one. And when Sunghoon uses it, his hole clenches in anticipation. He wants Sunghoon to ruin him with such a sweet endearment.

Sunghoon slips one finger in and he circles it around. “You’ve never been this tight before,” he remarks.

Sunoo claws at Sunghoon’s pale shoulders to ground himself from how a single finger feels so delicious inside of him. “God…” His chest feels heavy with each breath. “I haven’t masturbated in a while.”

“Mm… It would feel so amazing when I get inside you. You’ll squeeze my dick so good.”

“Fuck, hyung. Put another one in.” Sunghoon does as he’s told and scissors his fingers inside Sunoo. There’s some resistance to it, but the pain that mixes with the pleasure is unlike any other. Sunoo fucks back against Sunghoon’s fingers all while busying his mouth with Sunghoon’s own mouth and tongue. Another finger joins the other two and Sunoo finally throws his head back and holds Sunghoon’s by the wrist to coax him to go deeper and faster.

“More, hyung… Please… Mmm… It’s so good.”

“You’re ready for me, sweetheart?” Sunghoon whispers against his ear so seductively.

“Yes! Hyung, fuck me hard and call me sweetheart,” Sunoo mewls.

“Shit.” Sunghoon does anything but waste time. He pulls his fingers out of Sunoo’s hole and squeezes the base of his dick while putting a generous amount of lube in it. He attempts to reach for the box of condoms, but Sunoo throws it across the room like a spoiled brat. Sunghoon looks at the younger with a perplexed emotion, but Sunoo only smirks at him wolfishly and pulls him in closer with his legs around his hips. “You’re going to be the death of me,” Sunghoon comments when he recovers from his initial shock.

Sunoo anticipates the heat when it comes, but the stretch that he feels just by the head of Sunghoon’s member leaves him torn between pushing away in pain or squeezing in harder in pleasure. The reaction may be physical—so much has happened over their sexless weeks—but on a much deeper level, Sunoo knows that it’s the remnants of his emotional struggles. Letting Sunghoon in raw—in all aspects of the word, no matter how crude or poetic—is a new territory that he’s stepped into.

It’s the first time they kissed and the first time he let Sunghoon throw such endearments. And Sunoo knows that after this night, there will only be two possible consequences to his actions. One, they’ll end it here. Sunghoon might see this as a culmination of all his efforts in convincing Sunoo to let go of his fears. There’s no thrill of the chase anymore as Sunoo lays bare before him. Or, two, they’ll continue doing this sort of affair, maybe even more. There are no secrets to hide anymore, he’s at Sunghoon’s mercy.

And a selfish side of Sunoo, the one he’s been so in denial before, wishes it would be the latter.

Sunghoon briefly pulls out to let Sunoo breathe, but he follows it up with a searing kiss before pushing in again until he’s entirely sucked in by Sunoo’s insides. It hurts and everything feels too much for Sunoo, yet it also feels not enough. He looks up to see Sunghoon mirroring his expression—jaw slack and pupils dilating. He’s in no doubt that Sunghoon is also feeling overwhelmed.

“It’s been a while,” Sunghoon breathlessly says. “I feel like I won’t last with how tight you are.”

Despite the pain in between his legs, Sunoo laughs and pulls Sunghoon closer to kiss him again. And to psych himself up as well, he succumbs into dirty talk. “You want to fuck my tight ass so badly, hyung?” He feels Sunghoon’s dick twitch inside him, making his smile grow even wider. “Pervert.”

Without warning, Sunghoon thrusts hard into him, pushing him up against the headboard. “Ahh!” he yelps. It was Sunghoon’s turn to smirk. Sunghoon grabs hold of his waist and thrusts shallowly, but Sunghoon can tell he’s only doing so to prolong his release. His face strains as he moves, and it somehow distracts and entertains Sunoo to the point where he completely focuses on the way Sunghoon’s expressions change rather than the pulsing sensation inside him.

“You’re laughing at me,” Sunghoon comments. Sunoo giggles on cue, but Sunghoon quickly silences him with his mouth and with the quicker pace that he’s picking up. Sunoo’s face contorts in pleasure, feeling so full with Sunghoon—his dick, his scent, his taste, his sounds. He claws at Sunghoon’s back and urges the latter to continue what he’s doing, to rip him apart if he has to. “Not too funny now, huh, sweetheart?” Sunghoon teases.

“Fuck, hyung… Please…” Sunoo begs. He closes his eyes and anchors his mind on the drag of Sunghoon’s dick inside him. He listens to the squelching and slapping noises of their skin. He drowns in everything that Sunghoon gives him, he lets Sunghoon take all of the breath out of his lungs. “Hyung, please…”

“Please what?”

“Harder.” Sunghoon complies enthusiastically as he pounds so hard that the mattress under them creaks at the force. Sunoo grips the bed sheets with one hand, while his other hand pulls at Sunghoon’s hair. “Ahh! Hyung, hyung! Fuck me… So good… You… Fuck me so good…” he babbles mindlessly.

“Yeah, sweetheart? Hyung fucks you good?”

“Y-yes… Yes! Right there, hyung! Right there!” Sunoo wails desperately as Sunghoon hits his most sensitive spot. He feels his own dick leak at every prod, his veins thrumming with anticipation. Sunghoon—the devil that he is—lifts one of his legs and puts it on his shoulder, splitting Sunoo even wider.

Sunghoon bucks his hips faster and spews a litany of curses every time Sunoo’s insides squeeze him involuntarily. “So fucking tight, sweetheart,” he whispers. “You’re making me crazy.” He pulls Sunoo’s leg off of his shoulder only to push both of his legs until he looks like he’s folded in half. It lets Sunghoon drive deeper into him, hitting Sunoo’s most sensitive parts.

“Hyung…” he whimpers. Sunghoon is relentless in fucking him, like he’s been revitalized despite the many days that they haven’t touched each other this way. And it drives Sunoo mad. He wants more, he wants everything from Sunghoon until they both burn down to the ground with their unforgiving heat and pleasure. “Hyung… Fuck me like this…”

“I am,” Sunghoon snorts despite his furrowed brows. It’s like he’s focusing not only on Sunoo’s pleasure but also forcing himself not to cum too soon. Sunoo couldn’t care less whether Sunghoon finishes early or much later. What matters most is the present, whatever they’re feeling in the moment.

Sunoo tries to carve it on the surface of his mind, tries to memorize every inch and every expression of Sunghoon in case this will be the last time. In case Sunghoon realizes that he’s got enough of Sunoo, that he’s drained him of everything he has to give. Sunoo feels a physical weight on top of his chest as he thinks about that possibility. It crushes his ribs and claws at his lungs.

Suddenly, Sunghoon pauses. Sunoo belatedly realizes that his eyes have been tightly shut as he makes fake scenarios in his head. “Hey, are you okay?” he hears Sunghoon ask but he sounds so far away, like Sunoo is drowning and Sunghoon is shouting at him from the surface. He feels Sunghoon’s warm hand pat him gently on the cheek before tracing small circles there with his thumb. “Sunoo? Are you still with me?” Sunoo feels Sunghoon trying to wipe away something from his cheeks and he realizes that they are his own warm tears.

His eyes fly open to meet Sunghoon’s concerned ones. Sunghoon waits for Sunoo to respond and holds him close until he feels comfortable. “Yes, hyung. I’m fine. Sorry, did I ruin the mood?”

“No,” Sunghoon gently replies while kissing the tear stains on his cheeks. “It’s okay. Do you want us to stop? That’s okay if you want to.” But Sunoo shakes his head and pulls Sunghoon in once again.

They kiss for what seems like hours, but Sunghoon is patient with him. Their rhythmic breaths calm Sunoo down, they wipe away Sunoo’s dark thoughts so he can focus on Sunghoon once again. Slowly, he starts to feel like the made up images in his head disappear into thin air, and the weight on his chest is now replaced by the warmth of Sunghoon’s presence.

“Stay here,” he whispers against Sunghoon’s lips and feels deja vu. “Stay here,” he repeats.

“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

The atmosphere shifts, but the pleasure remains. Instead of Sunghoon’s hard thrusts and dirty words earlier, he only stays close against Sunoo and whispers sweet nothings to him.

“You’re beautiful… So, so beautiful, sweetheart,” he says. “I’m so lucky to have your time, to have you in my bed.”

“Do you mean it, hyung?”

“Yes, sweetheart,” Sunghoon confirms. “You’re mine when you’re here. I won’t let anyone or anything take you away.”

Sunoo moans. Sunghoon continuously prods at his sensitive parts and doubles the pleasure with his compliments. Sunoo pushes his hips up to meet Sunghoon’s thrust, gradually allowing himself to chase that release while in Sunghoon’s strong arms. “Ah, hyung… You’re so good to me. You make me feel so good. Fuck… Yes… Yes…!”

“Shit, sweetheart, you’re so tight. I’m so close.”

“Me too, hyung,” Sunoo confesses. “Can I play with myself?”

Sunghoon shakes his head and takes Sunoo’s member in his hand. He pumps it slowly, but the pressure of his hand tempts Sunoo’s body to just go over the edge and claim his climax. But Sunoo holds his breath and tries to will his heart from beating so fast. Sunghoon’s thrusts go faster and harder and deeper. Sunoo feels like he’s going to explode any second. “Fuck, sweetheart,” Sunghoon murmurs. “Fuck… Fuck… Wait for hyung.”

Sunoo bites his lip so hard, it almost bleeds. He can feel his stomach turning, attempting to unravel the coil at the pit of his belly. But he holds it in and waits for Sunghoon’s command like a pitiful puppy. “Hyung, I can’t,” he complains even though he’s trying his best to get through it. “Please…”

“Ah, sweetheart…” Sunghoon throws his head back momentarily as he savors the sensation of Sunoo’s insides. His breathing gets erratic and his thrusts become messier by the second with no rhythm at all. Sunoo follows him and arches his back when he feels his release coming so, so close.

“Hyung…! Hyung! I can’t… Please…”

“Shit. Come, Sunoo. Go on,” Sunghoon says through gritted teeth. His jaw is clenched and he punctuates each thrust with a groan. Sunoo finally lets go of the coil in his stomach and cums all over Sunghoon’s hand and their bellies. Sunghoon furiously pumps his dick along with his hard thrusts to chase his release. Sunoo screams in pleasure, his nails digging so hard on Sunoo’s back as he rides out his orgasm. Meanwhile, Sunghoon asks, “Sunoo, where do you want me?”

Without hesitation, Sunoo answers, “Inside, hyung. Fill me up, please.”

“Ahh!” Sunghoon groans and fists at the sheets as he paints Sunoo’s guts with his own release. Sunoo can feel the warm liquid that is Sunghoon’s cum burst inside him. It makes Sunghoon’s dick slide easier inside his guts and he knows Sunghoon must feel how amazing it is. For a moment, Sunghoon lets go of his intimate finesse and kneels back to grab Sunoo by the waist again. He pounds into Sunoo with renewed vigor and milks his own dick dry.

“Hyung! I can’t! I can’t anymore!” Sunoo protests, but Sunghoon doesn’t heed his plea and continues filling him up until he twitches in pain. Sunghoon doesn’t pull out immediately and kisses Sunoo instead before resting on top of him, dick still inside.

“God… Am I dead?” Sunghoon jokes as he catches his breath. Sunoo chuckles tiredly and pats Sunghoon on the cheek.

“No, hyung…” he draws out as exhaustion starts enveloping his consciousness. “You’re not dead.” They kiss lazily this time, but Sunoo feels so warm. He feels so fulfilled as he touches Sunghoon, as he tastes him in his tongue. His mind echoes Sunghoon’s name and his body feels like it has been molded into something new, something better.

Before Sunoo realizes it, he falls into a dreamless sleep.

If Sunoo were to be honest, he’s gotten the best sleep in years after being fucked that night. There were no nightmares, no uncomfortable feelings. For once, he felt at peace. The only thing that interrupted his peaceful sleep is Sunghoon’s blaring alarm.

Sunghoon quickly silences it and apologizes to Sunoo. “Sorry, I was supposed to go for my morning run, but I can do that some other time.” His voice is croaky when he speaks. Then, he sinks down on the bed, underneath the duvet, to take Sunoo in his arms once again. Both of them are too lazy to get up, both of them are so engrossed in each other’s warmth. To his surprise, Sunoo’s arms snake around Sunghoon’s waist as well to reciprocate the gesture. He presses his cheek against Sunghoon’s chest and inhales his fresh scent.

It’s like a rerun of the morning they spent in Busan, only this time, they’re both properly dressed and not making up excuses to leave.

Sunoo suddenly realizes that he’s in pajamas. “Did you dress me up?” he asks.

He feels Sunghoon nod. “It was a bitch to clean you up while you were unconscious. I considered leaving you naked, but it’s cold and I don’t want you to get sick.”

The little things , Sunoo thinks again.

He looks up at Sunghoon and places an innocent butterfly kiss on his lips, making the latter widen his eyes in slight surprise before his face breaks into a smile. “What was that for?” Sunoo shrugs and kisses Sunghoon again. Unlike the years before, Sunoo doesn’t feel disgusted while kissing Sunghoon. It feels natural. It feels right to be this intimate with him somehow.

“Have I ever told you you’re beautiful in the morning?” Sunghoon interrupts and gently plays with Sunoo’s hair.

Sunoo giggles. “Once. In Busan.” It feels so long ago that Sunoo wants to forget the bad parts that happened while they were there. And maybe that’s for the better. Maybe letting himself kiss Sunghoon is his way of moving forward, of gradually letting go of the shackles of his past. He didn’t think about Hyunjin at all the night before, and if he could do that, he can do that for many more days and nights and years. He can do that for the rest of his life.

There are many wounds that will never heal, he thinks. There will always be shitty parts of him that will never change, but maybe it would be better if he finally takes a step in focusing on the better parts of him. He might be damaged in a lot of ways, but he’s still functional. His heart is still beating and there is still air in his lungs. There’s no reason for him to waste his life over the things that he did when he was younger.

“What are you thinking about?” Sunghoon asks him and breaks his reverie.

Sunoo shrugs again. “That you’re less annoying in the morning?” Sunghoon chuckles. “I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular. But, I guess, I’m just… Okay. I’m just okay,” Sunoo emphasizes. “And I’ll try to feel even better from now on.”

“That’s nice to hear.”

They stay like that on the bed for a while, cuddling and kissing in between. There’s something nagging at the back of Sunoo’s head, but he has no idea what it is, so he ignores it and focuses on making Sunghoon smile. Sunghoon looks nicer when he smiles. There’s a boyish charm in him that makes all the girls in their biology class swoon. How lucky Sunoo is to be one of the reasons for that pretty smile.

“Hey,” Sunoo calls Sunghoon. The latter gives him his full attention in an instant. “Next semester… Let’s not stop whatever this is.” He’s not sure what they’re doing yet, but for him, this exceeds beyond the sex or the childish banter. He doesn’t know if Sunghoon shares the same sentiments, but if the ambiguity of their relationship keeps him close to Sunoo, he’ll take it.

“Okay,” Sunghoon agrees in a heartbeat. “Do you want to take a bath? I have a cool bathtub.” It was a random question that made Sunoo laugh, but they both find themselves submerged in soap suds a few minutes later, scrubbing each other with soap and kissing like there’s no tomorrow.

It doesn’t take long for their innocent touches to turn steamy. After all, how can they let such a moment pass? They extended the passionate night they shared like a testament to their promise not to stop whatever they’re doing. So, when Sunoo mounts Sunghoon in the bathtub, the latter doesn’t complain. In fact, he welcomes it and whispers encouragement to Sunoo as he rolls his hips.

“Yes, sweetheart, like that,” Sunghoon says before trapping his bottom lip in his teeth.

Sunoo watches him with fascination. Both of his soapy hands are on Sunghoon’s defined pecs and his tight hole is once again filled with Sunghoon’s pulsing dick. He can feel the veins on Sunghoon’s shaft, and with their position, he can get even deeper inside.

The water sloshes around them as Sunoo rides Sunghoon. There’s no rush to it, but his skin still burns and he’s desperate for release. All the while, he entertains himself by watching Sunghoon’s face morph into different expressions of pleasure. Sunghoon’s head is thrown back against the wall and both of his hands are on Sunoo’s bruised waist. Their fair-skinned bodies are filled with hickeys that they’d have to make up an excuse for.

“Like this, hyung?” Sunoo asks, feigning innocence as he rolls his hips faster. His own jaw slackens at the pleasure.

“Mm!” Sunghoon groans, bucking his hips up to meet Sunoo in the middle. The acoustics of the bathroom made it easier to hear their bated breaths and the slapping of their skin. “Sunoo… Sunoo…” Sunghoon drawls. “You’re going to ruin me. You’re going to kill me one of these days,” he murmurs. Soon after, they reach their release. It was nowhere near what they felt the night before, but it still made Sunoo shiver and moan. Sunghoon shakes as his cum fills Sunoo again. Their knees almost give out when they stand to finish in the shower.

Underneath the soap suds and the smell of lemon shampoo, their mouths and hands find each other.

It was only when Sunoo got dressed and checked his phone that he realized what had been nagging at the back of his head.

“Shit!” he curses when he sees the three missed calls from Jungwon. He completely forgot about their weekly brunch with Jay. Jungwon also saw him at the ramen place where he said he was with a friend. Now, Jungwon is not dumb. He has probably pieced everything out together by now. The only missing piece of the puzzle is Sunghoon’s identity, but Sunoo will never reveal that. For now.

“Is everything okay?” Sunghoon asks when he comes out to the living room. He’s wearing glasses again, Sunoo notes.

“Yes. I just missed brunch with Jungwon and Jay. He’s gonna kill me,” he says while sending a quick apology message to Jungwon. It’s really not a big deal, but Sunoo has never missed brunch because he accidentally spent the night at some guy’s place. Jungwon knows that’s one of his rules. He can already imagine the questions that Jungwon is going to bombard him with and he needs to prepare for them. It’d be best to evade them, but he can only do so much.

Sunoo starts packing his stuff in his bag, then he pauses when he sees Sunghoon on the other side of the sofa with a forlorn look. His blank face may mean nothing to any other person, but Sunoo is confident enough to know that it speaks a thousand disappointed words. Though, there’s a part of him that finds it amusing—Sunghoon is sad that he’s going to leave soon.

Sunoo puts his bag back down and stands in front of Sunghoon. He snakes his arms around Sunghoon’s neck and kisses him on the chin. “I have to go. My mom wants me to go shopping with her and I have a lot of explaining to do to Jungwon.”

“Do you really have to?” Sunghoon pouts like a kid and holds Sunoo tightly.

Sunoo chuckles. “Yes. But I’ll be back on Monday to really, really finish the semester. And, I’m going to discuss something with Professor Kang.” At the mention of his return, Sunghoon slowly smiles. “So, maybe, we can grab lunch or something by then?”

“Lunch, dinner. Whatever you want to do.” Sunghoon kisses him once on the lips and once on each cheek. “My days are always better when you’re around.”

“Wow, you’re so obsessed with me,” Sunoo jokes.

“Yes, I am,” Sunghoon kids back. He finally lets Sunoo finish packing and walks him to the door where they make out some more. Sunoo almost breaks when Sunghoon squeezes his ass, but he can’t prolong his stay unless he wants Jungwon to really get mad at him. “Call me?”

“I’ll think about it,” Sunoo replies breathlessly against Sunghoon’s lips.

“Don’t think about it, just call me,” Sunghoon insists.

Sunoo giggles. “Okay. Fine. But promise me you won’t smoke when I’m not around.”

Sunghoon rolls his eyes. “I told you I only smoke when I’m stressed. And I’m already starting to quit.”

Sunoo knows that it’s only a euphemism. Sunghoon only smokes whenever Sunoo leaves without warning, whenever he grows distant. But things have changed between the two of them regardless if both of them share the same feeling. While Sunghoon quits smoking now that Sunoo is temporarily leaving with a proper goodbye, Sunoo is also quitting his bad habits as well—mainly, obsessing over his unchangeable past.

Chapter Text

The truth is, Sunoo doesn’t know why he’s so nervous about facing Jungwon after accidentally missing brunch that morning. He was obviously exaggerating when he told Sunghoon that his best friend-slash-brother-slash-soulmate was going to kill him. Sure, they had an agreement to uphold their tradition of getting brunch together, especially when they had been so busy with their university work, but Jungwon isn’t a murderous kind of person. He rarely gets angry, even.

So, why? Why does Sunoo feel so jittery all of a sudden? Why does he feel like his heart is going to drop out of his ass any moment?

He may have an idea why, he’s just a little embarrassed to admit it.

It’s because he’s a hypocrite.

Jungwon knows all about his rules when it comes to sleeping around. He knows almost everything about Sunoo’s sexcapades and the boundaries he has set to minimize attachments while maximizing his physical gains. He used to preach it to Jungwon—to never give everything to a guy just because they have a talented dick—and now, he has done exactly the opposite of that. He missed an important affair that they promised to always make time for all because he got fucked quite hard—a severe understatement—the night before.

He doesn’t know how to confess that to Jungwon without the latter giving him a judgmental side eye.

But he has to be truthful to Jungwon to some extent. It’s the only way to convince Jungwon that he won't make the same mistake twice. He just didn’t expect that their confrontation would happen so soon.

"What are you doing here?" Sunoo asks as soon as he sees Jungwon on the other side of his house’s front door.

Jungwon doesn’t look ticked off by his presence, which is a good sign, and shrugs instead before making way for Sunoo to enter the foyer. "Our mothers spontaneously planned for us to go shopping together."

"Really?" Sunoo enters, and sure enough, he hears his and Jungwon’s mom laughing in the living room, perhaps indulging themselves in a bit of day-drinking. "I thought it was just me and mom."

"You’re not the only one entitled to a one-week break," Jungwon quips. "We have plans, too, and mom decided to tag along when your mom said she was going to pick up some things for Santorini."

Sunoo gets reminded about the trip that he’s most likely going to skip, partly because he plans on taking the research job that his professor invited him to and also partly because he doesn’t want to be set up on a date with some random Greek guy. He doesn’t know how he’s going to break it to his mom because it’s going to be the first time that they won’t be together for an overseas trip.

"You’re also traveling?" Sunoo turns to Jungwon before ascending the stairs to his room. Jungwon suddenly looks more interested in his shoes, blushes, and nods his head rather shyly. "Where to?" They enter Sunoo’s room. Sunoo closes the door to grant them some privacy because they won’t just talk about their trip.

Jungwon scratches the back of his head. "Seattle." Sunoo raises a brow. "I know, the weather isn’t the best, but it was Jay-hyung’s idea. He wanted me to meet the rest of his family officially."

Sometimes, Sunoo forgets that his best friend, the little boy he grew up with, is actually going to tie the knot in a matter of years. He’s practically married to Jay now, with all their couple-y activities together and everything. But PDA is nothing compared to actually committing on paper and to a lifetime together. Even though he’s not going to be the one to do that, Sunoo can’t help but be nervous for Jungwon. A lot of things are still going to happen in the next months and years before graduation. What if their minds change about the whole thing?

"I see," was all Sunoo could say before tossing his duffel bag on the bed and going straight to his closet to pick out a fresh change of clothes. "How’s Jay?" he says in an attempt to slowly probe into a more important topic of discussion.

"He’s fine," Jungwon casually replies while joining Sunoo’s bag on the bed. "Asked about you at brunch."

Sunoo abruptly stops going through his shirts before selecting one and turning to face Jungwon. Instead of judgment, there’s a sort of amusement painted on Jungwon’s face. A hint of confusion as well, but more of the former.

Whereas Sunoo looks nothing but guilty. "I’m really sorry about that. I… I didn’t mean to skip out on brunch. I know it’s important for both of us, and I won’t do that again. Or, at least, I’ll let you know beforehand if I can’t make it."

Jungwon snorts. "Okay. It’s fine. Don’t make a big deal out of it."

"You’re not mad or anything?" There’s a small part of Sunoo that wishes Jungwon were a little mad. It’ll be easier to understand if Jungwon looks disappointed at him. And it’ll be easier to justify why staying the night with Sunghoon is a bad idea and something that he shouldn’t do next time.

But none of that judgment or disappointment is thrown at Sunoo. And, frankly, he’s a bit confused as well.

"Why would I be? It’s the end of your exams. You’re allowed to celebrate in your way."

Sunoo rolls his eyes. "It’s not really a celebration. It just happened."

Jungwon purses his lips and sits up, patting the empty space beside him. Sunoo reluctantly accepts the offer and holds his breath, waiting for Jungwon to speak again.

"I feel like you owe me an explanation, at least," Jungwon says. "I’m not pushing you to divulge every single detail, but it’s like I’ve been so out of the loop with what’s going on with you lately. I need to understand what’s happening."

Jungwon is right. Sunoo has been putting this conversation off for far too long. Jungwon is the only one he can trust. And if things in his life go to shit, Jungwon is going to be the only one who will pull him out and actually care for him. Sunoo doesn’t have to tell Jungwon everything, but Jungwon has to know enough to understand why he’s been acting so strange and putting down his walls lately.

Sunoo takes a deep breath and lets his shoulders sag. He forced the words out of his mouth before he could swallow them back and never tell Jungwon.

"It really just happened," Sunoo starts. "I didn’t mean to spend the night, but I just… I don’t know. I found it difficult to leave for some reason."

Jungwon doesn’t speak for a moment. They simply mull over the silence while Sunoo takes in the weight of what he just said. It really wasn’t his intention to sleep over at Sunghoon’s place. Even though he was so tired after what he and Sunghoon did in the bedroom, he could have easily gotten up and left. But he didn’t. A small part of him, a nagging feeling, tells him that he wanted to be in that moment of peace. His mind and body craved it, and a perfect opportunity presented it to him. He couldn’t just let it slip away from his fingers.

"It’s him, isn’t it?" Jungwon breaks the silence. Sunoo turns to let their eyes lock for a moment. "The guy from the orientation?"

Sunoo bit his lip because there were many layers to that question. Jungwon wasn’t just simply confirming the guy’s identity; he was also asking why Sunoo had been sleeping with the same guy for this long. His bedwarmers rarely last a month. And Sunoo never hesitated to walk out first. They never held him back or even ran after him. But everything with Sunghoon feels different. Sunghoon is different. And it’s a scary thought for Sunoo.

Sunoo nods.

Jungwon sighs out. "I see." Sunoo can’t figure out what his tone means, but it’s not negative, it’s not judgmental. "Is he good to you?"

Sunoo snorts in disbelief. It’s a simple question, but it sounds so juvenile and quite comedic when he sees the genuine concern on Jungwon’s face.

"What?" Jungwon smiles at him as well and pushes him slightly.

Sunoo shakes his head. "Yes. He’s nice. Nicer than most guys I slept with, anyway." Another understatement. Sunghoon is nice and kind. And he genuinely cares for Sunoo, despite the shit that Sunoo has put him through. He reaches out to Sunoo when he feels like running away. He wipes away his tears from the bad memories of his past. He hasn’t given up yet. No matter how close Sunoo thinks he is to giving up, Sunghoon proves him wrong.

"I…" Sunoo hesitates, but he feels that it’s an important piece of information. "I let him kiss me. I let myself kiss him."

Somehow, that made Jungwon’s sharp eyes grow wide and round. Jungwon can keep a straight face whenever Sunoo recounts a rather daring sexcapade—being tied to a bedpost, doing it in public, fucking in the car—and yet, the mundane act of kissing is what surprises him the most. It just goes to show that Sunoo has let his guard down way more than anyone expected.

"Oh," was all Jungwon could say. "Wow. I don’t know how to respond to that."

"Don’t," Sunoo presses. "Don’t respond to it. I just wanted you to know. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it."

"But it’s a pretty big deal."

"It’s not," Sunoo reiterates. "I know what I said before. And I’m taking it all back. It’s just another thing that we do now." Sunoo feels like the more he says it to himself, the more he’ll actually believe it. But every time he thinks about the pressure of Sunghoon’s lips on his, his warm tongue, his sweet taste, he can’t help but feel warm. He couldn’t stop his heart from beating like it had turned into a wild animal.

Jungwon fixes him with an exhausted stare but shakes his head and stands up. "Whatever. Just… Just enjoy yourself, I guess. And don’t get hurt."

Sunoo smiles sadly. "I won’t. I don’t feel anything for him."

Jungwon stares at him again.

There wasn’t anything memorable during their shopping trip except for that one moment when Sunoo definitely saw the way Jungwon’s mother slipped a rather racy outfit on her son’s pile of clothes. He wanted to take it out for his best friend’s sake. He knows Jungwon is far too innocent for stuff like that. Then again, Jungwon isn’t a baby anymore. He’s got a boyfriend-slash-fiance and they’re most likely going to be alone on their upcoming trip. Sunoo looks at it with a closed eye, hoping Jungwon won't be too embarrassed when he finds it later.

Sunoo finally tells his parents about his plan the next day over lunch at the country club.

"What do you mean you’re not going to Santorini? I already booked our flight!" his mom hysterically asks beneath her large sunglasses. His dad, on the other hand, remains quiet and watches the exchange with a stoic look on his face.

Sunoo rolls his eyes. "Look, I received an invitation for a research thing at the uni. They rarely offer it to first years." Sunoo totally made that one up, but it’s easier to lie to his mother when he convinces his equally oblivious father. "It’s an important opportunity for me if I want to make a name for myself in the medical world, right, dad?" His father purses his lips but nods.

His mother gasps rather theatrically. "Sunoo! I’ve planned a lot of stuff for us. You should’ve said so earlier."

"Sorry, mom. I just got the invite last Friday," he says without feeling any hint of remorse.

"Leave him be," his father interjects, speaking for the first time during lunch. He says it so nonchalantly that even Sunoo is surprised. He expected a bit of resistance from his father, especially when Sunoo is foiling his plans to be set up on a date with some random guy in Greece.

"But I thought—"

Sunoo’s dad waves his mom off. "It’s fine. He’s an adult. He can do whatever he wants to do."

Sunoo wishes his internal elation didn’t reach his face because his dad might take back his words. So, instead, he nods quietly and says, "Thank you." His mother slumps in her chair with a defeated sigh. She can’t do anything about it now that Sunoo has gotten his father’s blessing.

"Why did you let me buy you new clothes if you weren’t going?" Sunoo’s mom asks him much later, when they get home.

But he only shrugs and says, "‘Cause I wanted new clothes."

The new clothes end up in his light luggage, which he drags back to his dorm room the next day. It’s the last day for students to clear out any deficiencies and get their test results before the semester officially ends. It’s a fairly ordinary day, though it’s evident from the students' faces that they’re all excited for their upcoming break.

Whispers of travel and partying reach Sunoo’s ears. And perhaps if he were his younger self, he would have joined in some event with alcohol and sex involved. But all of that doesn’t seem too appealing to him now. Not when the sight of Park Sunghoon already sends shivers down his spine; the latter’s cologne is intoxicating him.

"Last day of being your TA, huh?" Sunghoon jokes as Sunoo approaches their professor’s desk to get his clearance for the subject. Sunoo gives him a soft smile, one that he hopes looks casual enough not to make people suspicious that he’s been fucking the TA since the semester started.

The professor looks up and smiles at Sunoo as well. "Well done, Mr. Kim. I have to say, it’s rare to cross paths with a gifted student."

"Sir, I’m still here," Sunghoon interjects, making the professor laugh.

"Well, anyway, professor, I’d like to follow up on your invitation. I already sent you an email over the weekend, but I think you haven’t read it yet. I’m accepting your offer to be on the research team."

The professor’s face brightens, and he stumbles on his words when he speaks again. "T-that’s amazing! We’d love to have you on board! Well, if you’re done with your subjects, I think Sunghoon here can give you a tour of our designated office."

Sunoo sneaks a glance toward Sunghoon, who was already staring at him with a mischievous smirk on his face. He flushes and turns back to their professor. "Yes, I’m free now. Perhaps we can have that tour?"

"Whenever you’re ready," Sunghoon says while gesturing to the door. Their professor chuckles and claps Sunoo on the back to send him off with his former TA.

Sunoo and Sunghoon meet eyes again for a split second before walking side by side down the hallway. Students pass them by with a few greetings. Most of them are directed toward Sunghoon. Some quickly thank him for being a nice TA; others invite him to parties over the break. He politely declines all of them and moves closer to Sunoo to let them know that he’s currently busy.

"You don’t have plans over the break yet?" Sunoo casually asks.

"I’ll be busy with research, anyway," Sunghoon replies with a shrug. "Well, I suppose we will be busy with research."

Sunoo can’t explain it, but somehow he feels a little glad that Sunghoon won’t be going to those parties and that he’s going to be more preoccupied with work that also involves Sunoo. Sunoo knows it’s childish. But parties are breeding grounds for hookups and potential dates. And even though he’s not in an exclusive monogamous arrangement with Sunghoon, imagining him making out with a stranger stirs something unpleasant in his stomach.

More than childish, perhaps Sunoo is just a little bit selfish. After all, he knows deep down that one of his motivations for declining the Santorini trip with his parents included hogging Sunghoon’s attention over the break.

They arrive at the third floor of the building, where designated research offices are located. The one assigned to their professor’s team is at the very far end of the hall. Sunghoon opens the door for Sunoo and lets him in first.

There’s a huge whiteboard in front of the room. Then there are five cubicles for each member of the research team. Three of the cubicles are already occupied, while the other two at the opposite end of the room still lay bare.

"The team’s not here yet. Orientation actually starts tomorrow, but we’ll be joined by Professors Kang and Shin and my senior. Have you heard of Son Kyungho-sunbae?"

Sunoo nods his head. "He worked on that fetal study from last year. I read it for homework."

"Yep, that’s him. He's a brilliant and very nice guy.Anyway, I’ll show you to your cubicle." Sunghoon strides toward one of the empty cubicles and lets Sunoo sit on the unoccupied chair. Sunoo does so and runs his hands on the surface of the desk. "This is yours. Lucky you, we’d get to be cubicle neighbors."

Sunoo raises an eyebrow as he watches Sunghoon languidly—and suggestively—lean on the divider between their cubicles. There is no doubt in Sunoo’s mind that Sunghoon will attempt to do lewd and risky things to him while they work. And, truthfully, Sunoo is kind of looking forward to what Sunghoon has in store.

"Or I’m very unlucky," Sunoo jokingly counters.

Sunghoon rolls his eyes and walks over behind him. "Whatever. But I just want to reiterate that this is your space. Professor Kang doesn’t mind a little decoration in this boring room. You can put up pictures or some desk organizers. You can bring your computer here." He leans over Sunoo and pretends to type on an invisible keyboard.

But it was just a ruse when he started letting his mouth ghost over the shell of Sunoo’s ear. "And if you need anything, I’ll be a helpful cubicle neighbor," he whispers lowly, sending shivers down Sunoo’s spine.

"I bet you will be," Sunoo whispers back before making a slight turn to face Sunghoon. Without hesitation, Sunoo kisses him. And to no one’s surprise, Sunghoon kisses him back.

Sunghoon presses hard against Sunoo’s mouth, unabashedly letting his tongue force Sunoo’s lips to part. Sunoo welcomes it and sighs into the kiss when Sunghoon holds him by the neck. Sunoo’s arms move automatically to circle Sunghoon’s neck, and he lets the latter half-carry him to sit on the empty desk. He spreads his legs wide enough to let Sunghoon in and press their chests together.

He kisses Sunghoon like he’s parched, and the only thing that could quench him is his lips. It’s a good thing that Sunghoon kisses back with equal fervor. Sunoo didn’t think he’d miss the act of kissing despite the many years he’s deprived himself of it, but doing it with Sunghoon feels right. It made the wait all the more worth it, especially when Sunghoon held him so tightly.

"You said you were going to call me over the weekend," Sunghoon whispers as he dips his head on Sunoo’s neck. "I was waiting."

Sunoo smirks. "I never promised anything. Besides, there was nothing to talk about. I was busy hanging out with my parents."

Sunghoon breaks away momentarily to look at Sunoo with an indecipherable gaze. There’s a small smirk painted on his lips that sends a shiver down Sunoo’s spine. "You really didn’t go to Santorini, huh? Did you want to hang out more with me?"

Sunoo rolls his eyes but lets Sunghoon resume marking a trail down his skin. "No. I wasn’t feeling it. And I don't want to get caught up in my father's attempts to get me to date." He feels Sunghoon stiffen for a second, but he brushes it off when Sunghoon kisses him on the mouth again.

"Hey, I’m going to shoot my shot here," Sunghoon says when they lock eyes again. "You’re going to stay here for a week, and we’re going to work closely with the research, so… I don’t know… Maybe stay with me in my apartment?"

Sunoo raises an eyebrow and backs away slightly from Sunghoon. The latter doesn’t let him get too far away, though, and holds Sunoo’s hands against his chest.

Panic is evident in Sunghoon’s voice when he says, "No, don’t get mad. I’m not… I’m not forcing you to do it. And I won’t think weirdly of the whole setup. I just thought it'd be lonely for me since I won’t be as preoccupied with classes now, and I could say the same for you. We’ll be working on the research, so it’ll be easier if we’re in the same space. And, well, I do want the privilege of having 24/7 access to your perfect body."

Sunoo lets himself laugh when Sunghoon points out the last reason for his proposition. "Do you have fun objectifying me?"

Sunghoon snorts. "You like it."

Sunoo rolls his eyes again and places a quick peck on Sunghoon’s lips. "A little bit. But I can’t accept your invitation."

Here’s the thing about breaking rules: if you do it once, you will definitely do it twice. Sunoo has already broken two of those rules by staying the night at Sunghoon’s place and also by kissing him. If he keeps breaking his rules, he will spin out of control. And frankly, he doesn’t think he can afford that yet.

His relationship with Sunghoon is still in a weird limbo, but he doesn’t want to make it worse by impulsively giving in to temptations. Sure, Sunghoon is nice, and staying at his place for the week would be the most convenient for them. But he can’t help but think that something may go wrong.

Sunghoon looks visibly dejected, and Sunoo feels a little guilty about it. But his former TA quickly puts on a smile and nods. "Alright. I understand. If you ever change your mind, just let me know." Sunoo is grateful that Sunghoon doesn’t push for anything else regarding that. "Dinner, though?"

"I can’t. Sorry. Jungwon’s leaving tonight, so he invited me to have dinner before he goes to the airport."

Sunghoon nods again before they continue making out in the empty cubicle. Sunoo knows it’s risky. It has only been hours since Sunghoon was officially relieved of his duties as his TA. He’s not sure if the door is locked. And anyone may come in at any second. It could be their professors or that other guy on the team.

But it’s thrilling. He never knew he’d have a knack for exhibitionism, but that one library rendezvous with Sunghoon definitely triggered something in him. One of these days, they’re going to have a repeat of that tryst. But today is definitely not that day.

Sunoo and Sunghoon jump away from each other as if they’re both struck by lightning when they hear the office room door open. Sunoo is still breathless, and both of their lips are a little bit bruised. But Sunghoon schools his face and greets whoever it is on the other side of the room.

"Kyungho-hyung. Glad to be working with you finally."

"Hey," Sunoo hears the other guy say. He turns around and sees their senior. He’s tall—a little bit taller than Sunghoon. He has glasses on and a letterman jacket that looks similar to Sunghoon’s. "Oh, you must be Sunoo. It’s nice meeting you." Kyungho walks across the room and shakes Sunoo’s hand. "Our professors are so excited to have you on board. I hope you enjoy working on this project."

"I’ll definitely make the most of it," Sunoo says. "Well, it’s nice meeting you, sunbae. But, uhm, I have to go now."

"Oh, you’re meeting up with Jungwon already?" Sunghoon interjects.

"Yeah," Sunoo replies, even though their planned dinner is still an hour away. He just needs to get out of the tense situation after almost being caught by their senior. If he wants to try exhibitionism, he really needs to commit to it more.

He gets his things and bids them farewell. But Kyungho’s words stop him before he gets out of the door.

"Hey, guys. Just don’t do it in my cubicle next time, alright?"

Sunoo’s cheeks quite literally burst into flames while Sunghoon laughs at his misery.

Jungwon looks adorable in normal circumstances. He has a round face, round eyes, and a button nose that make him look younger than he really is. But those soft features sometimes—rarely—sharpen and turn murderous, just like they do now. Across the table, Jungwon distractedly stabs a slab of meat, like it insults his whole being and his family. It scares Sunoo a little bit.

"Fuck, what’s up with you?" Sunoo asks. Jungwon snaps his eyes at him, but quickly sighs in resignation when he sees the genuine fear in Sunoo’s eyes.

He sits back and puts his knife and fork on the table before massaging his temples.

"Can you bail me out of prison if I do end up murdering my mom?"

Sunoo snorts when he realizes what the fuss is all about. "Ah. So, I’m guessing you already saw her little gift?"

Jungwon stares at him in surprise. "Oh my God! You knew about it? Why didn’t you tell me?! What if Jay-hyung saw it? I will literally jump off a building!"

Sunoo laughs. "Relax. I didn’t want to meddle. Besides, I knew you were going to find out about it anyway."

Jungwon groans and resumes stabbing his steak. "God… Why are my parents like this? My dad ambushes me with a marriage proposal. And my mom is trying to... I don’t even want to think about what my mom’s up to!" He shoves a piece of meat in his mouth without finesse and talks like a caveman. "I don’t know what they’re trying to do. We’re clearly in love with each other. Does she want a pregnancy scare? I don’t have the parts for it!"

This time, Sunoo lets himself really laugh out loud, which caught the attention of some of the patrons at the other table. If Jungwon does have the parts for it, there’s no doubt in his mind that his parents will pull off such a notorious plan. But no. Jungwon’s mom—much like Sunoo’s mom—is just meddling. Both ladies always stick their noses into their sons’ personal lives, like it’s their life goal to embarrass them.

"Alright, calm down. Just don’t bring it with you," Sunoo advises. "Though I am curious. Have you and Jay already talked about… you know… the physical aspects of your relationship?"

Jungwon visibly blushes, making Sunoo smirk in amusement. His best friend can keep a straight face whenever he recounts his sexcapades, but deep down, Sunoo knows that Jungwon is still pure and innocent. He doesn’t think that the subject of sex never crossed Jungwon’s mind, but knowing him, he might be too shy to talk about it with his fiance.

"No," Jungwon sighs out. "I don’t think I’m ready for that yet."

Sunoo nods. "That’s fine. No one’s pressuring you to do anything, right? Not even Jay?"

Jungwon frantically shakes his head. "No, no. Jay-hyung never made me feel like that. He takes care of me. But… well… if I have to be honest, there were a few instances when I thought something would happen."

Intrigued, Sunoo inches closer to the table and leans in. After years of monologuing about his experiences, he can’t help but be excited to be the one listening in on his best friend’s tales. "You’ve never mentioned it."

Jungwon shrugs. "I never thought much about it. It’s nothing big. He just stops sometimes and looks at me, like he’s asking for permission." Jungwon’s cheeks flare red. And his eyes go unfocused, like he’s trying to remember a certain memory. But it quickly snaps back to meet Sunoo’s stare. He clears his throat. "I never gave him permission. I’m not ready, and I’m glad he understands."

"Right.  That’s good.  I think you can trust Jay, but in case he does something terrible or coerces you to do something you’re not ready to do, tell me."

"What would you do?"

Sunoo shrugs.   "Oh, Jungwon, you don’t want to know."

Jungwon rolls his eyes, though there’s a certain fondness in them—his own way of saying thank you to Sunoo. They finish the rest of their dinner before Sunoo says goodbye to his best friend. "Enjoy Seattle."

"Enjoy your research," Jungwon sarcastically says.

Sunoo can’t guarantee how much he will truly enjoy staying on campus to work on a research project during their short break, but he can guarantee that Sunghoon will at least make it worthwhile.

He was far from disappointed when he saw Sunghoon the next morning. Sunghoon strutted into the office in his glasses. His hair is pushed back the way Sunoo likes it. The icing on the cake, though, is the way he smirks at Sunoo once he settles into his cubicle.

"Morning," he greets Sunoo.

"Morning." Sunoo doesn’t miss the way Kyungho looks at them knowingly from the other side of the room. It’s ridiculous that their senior definitely knows that something’s going on between them, but he’s grateful that their professors are still oblivious about it. He wishes Kyungho wouldn’t snitch on them.

Sunghoon leads the orientation. It seems that the professors trust him enough to give him the floor. He definitely has the charisma for public speaking, judging by the way his biology classmates swoon at Sunghoon at every lecture. He’s smart, and he’s easy on the eyes. And when he spews out science jargon, Sunoo can’t help but get turned on.

Sunoo admits that he’s a bit of a nerd when it comes to that. But Sunghoon is just on another level of sexiness.

"Any questions?" Sunghoon asks, but Sunoo feels like it’s directed more to him because he’s obviously not listening anymore. He’s too focused on the way Sunghoon’s shirt emphasizes the bulge of his biceps.

"No questions," Kyungho answers for the rest of them.

Their roles were clear. There were no questions in the office. But Sunghoon asks him something in his car.

"Why the fuck are you doing this to me?"

Sunoo smirks at how helpless Sunghoon sounds while getting his dick sucked. He takes Sunghoon even deeper in his throat, nearly choking on it, but quickly bobbing up until his lips cover the head. His tongue darts out and circles around the spots he knows, which drives Sunghoon insane.

They’re supposed to be in the restricted section of the library. Their professors told them to look for past studies related to their project. But the library was a building away, and the parking lot was much closer. Sunoo couldn’t wait any longer. He coaxed Sunghoon to take a detour and practically jumped him in the backseat. It’s a good thing that Sunghoon welcomes his eagerness.

"Should’ve thought twice when you wore those glasses," Sunoo whispers before taking Sunghoon in his mouth again.

Sunghoon grips his hair with one hand and brings him even closer to him. "Ah, Sunoo… I’ll actually die. I’ll die right here in my car with my dick in your mouth." Sunoo giggles. "What a good fucking way to end it all, huh?"

Sunoo feels Sunghoon pull him away by his hair. And just like the last time he gave Sunghoon a blowjob, the latter slaps his dick against Sunoo’s face. "Fuck, so pretty," Sunghoon murmurs. "Come here."

Sunghoon slaps his lap lightly. Sunoo doesn’t stop for a moment and sits on Sunghoon’s thighs before practically shoving his tongue down Sunghoon’s throat. While he’s distracted by kissing Sunghoon, his former TA makes quick work of his pants. Sunoo is naked from the waist down in record time, just like taking someone’s clothes off is Sunghoon’s special talent.

"You don’t know what these glasses do to me," Sunoo confesses in between bated breaths. Sunghoon laughs and slaps his bare ass. "I like this—fucking in public. Sort of."

Sunghoon looks out the tinted windows and makes sure that they’re alone. Sunoo does the same and realizes that he doesn’t mind even if someone sees the way Sunghoon’s car shakes.

"My little exhibitionist." Sunghoon smiles up at him and kisses him again. "Turn around. I’ll show you how car sex is done."

"You’re so full of yourself. This isn’t my first rodeo." A hard slap on his ass shuts Sunoo up. "Fuck."

"Let me rephrase that. I’ll show you how car sex is done properly. "

The first thing Sunoo sees is his perplexed expression reflected back at him in the rearview mirror. His skin is flushed, and his forehead is sweaty. His knuckles are white as his fingers grip the backs of the passenger and driver seats in front of him. He catches a glimpse of Sunghoon smirking at his exposed behind, two of his fingers inside his mouth, while his other hand is kneading at Sunoo’s supple flesh.

Sunoo can’t help it; Sunghoon looks so provocative with such a simple gesture. He moans at the same time as he presses his groin against Sunghoon’s thigh. In the distance, he sees someone exit one of the buildings. Whoever that person is, Sunoo is sure that they won’t see them behind the tinted windows of Sunghoon’s car. But there’s an unexplainable thrill at the possibility that someone knows exactly why the car in the parking lot is shaking like there’s an earthquake.

Sunoo isn’t able to mull over those thoughts for too long because his attention is suddenly drawn to the burning drag of Sunghoon’s fingers in his hole. He inhales through his teeth as his knees buckle helplessly until his full weight rests on Sunghoon’s lap.

The position that he is in right now feels degrading, along with the fact that Sunghoon is being messy with the way he touches Sunoo. No appropriate paraphernalia, no finesse. Even the setting is unorthodox by Sunoo’s standards. Yet he can admit that everything feels so hot . It feels like he’s burning inside. It feels like there’s an itch deep within his body that only Sunghoon can scratch. And he wants more of it. He wants more of Sunghoon’s touch, his sounds, his filth.

"God…" Sunoo moans helplessly, grinding down on Sunghoon’s thigh in sync with Sunghoon’s every thrust. "Hyung…"

He hears Sunghoon chuckle behind him. "That’s a new record. That’s the shortest time it took you to call me ‘hyung’," Sunghoon teases.

"I always call you ‘hyung’."

"You should call me ‘hyung’ more."

"Does that turn you on?" Sunoo teases back.

Sunghoon doesn’t reply. Instead, he presses his fingers deeper inside Sunoo and lets his other hand slip underneath the younger’s shirt.

Sunoo feels like he’s going to explode any minute. His heart is pumping three times as fast, and Sunghoon has already pinpointed his most sensitive spot. His ex-TA is relentless with every prod of his finger, and it’s all too much.

"Fuck! I’m close!"

"Already?" Sunghoon mocks while slipping his fingers out of Sunoo in one go, earning a disappointed groan from the younger. "I’m not done with you yet, sweetheart."

Sunoo keens and lets Sunghoon maneuver his body like a ragdoll. He has no strength left in his body. And truthfully, he’s becoming fond of giving away his control to Sunghoon. It’s so unlike him to let the other person take the reins, but it also turns him on to know that his body is being used solely for pleasure.

He keeps his eyes shut, and he tries to breathe through whatever position Sunghoon is putting him in. The next time Sunoo opens his eyes, he sees his legs resting on either side of the two seats in front. Sunghoon is kneeling in between his bare legs, practically folding Sunoo in half as he lets the head of his cock slip inside in one go.

They groan in unison. As much as Sunoo is an advocate for safe sex, getting fucked without a condom also feels a million times better. He can feel every inch of vein underneath Sunghoon’s skin. And he’s sure that Sunghoon also appreciates the bareness of it, judging by the way he’s biting his bottom lip like his life depended on it.

"You’re stretching me out, hyung," Sunoo whispers in a high-pitched tone. "Fuck me like this?"

"Yeah, sweetheart. I’ll fuck you like this."

Neither of them waits for the other to move. Both of them pushed against each other in sync, meeting each thrust halfway and letting the press of their bodies deepen.

Sunoo has had sex with Sunghoon for what seems like a thousand times, and he has witnessed how the latter’s face scrunches up in pleasure or how his jaw slackens before he reaches the peak of his orgasm, yet Sunoo never grows tired of it.

He will never admit it out loud, but Sunghoon is also pretty, ethereal. Despite the debauchery that they engage themselves in, Sunghoon’s handsome face has a sliver of innocence in it, especially when he looks at Sunoo, asking for permission to kiss him and checking if Sunoo hasn’t changed his mind about doing so.

Sunghoon looks at him that way again. His brows are furrowed, and he’s catching his breath as he pounds into Sunoo, but he’s being careful. Sunoo can tell that he’s being careful because both of them know that one wrong move can end this secret affair.

"Hyung…" Sunoo whispers through his bated breaths. Sunghoon’s eyes snap up to meet his—intrigued but relentless with his thrusts. Sunoo slides his fingers up Sunghoon’s neck and lightly pulls his head closer. With open mouths, they breathe against each other, letting the warmth of their breaths mingle in the miniscule space between their lips.

"Kiss me," Sunoo mumbles.

Something flashes across Sunghoon’s eyes, but it only takes him a millisecond to grant Sunoo’s request.

His soft lips cover Sunoo’s own. His tongue surveys Sunoo’s mouth. He tastes bitter like coffee and salty like sweat, yet all Sunoo can perceive is the sweetness of their intimacy. Sunoo feels like his world is spinning. What was up is now down. What was left is now right. And he’s drunk with the touches of which he has deprived himself for so long. He’s intoxicated with the idea that perhaps this time it’s different.

He knows it’s different with the way Sunghoon treats him. He doesn’t know how he got here—questioning his relationship with Sunghoon while getting absolutely wrecked at the back of his car. It’s a ridiculous pseudo-epiphany, one that shouldn’t be catalyzed by his nearing orgasm.

Sunghoon breaks the kiss and rests his forehead on the younger’s. Sunoo watches him squeeze his eyes shut, his thrusts going out of rhythm. He giggles when he realizes that Sunghoon is concentrating, so he'll last longer, probably for Sunoo’s sake. Instead, Sunoo tips his chin up, prompting him to open his eyes.

"Don’t hold back, hyung," Sunoo says.

Sunghoon’s pupils blow out, and with one last thrust, he finally lets go and spills himself inside Sunoo. The younger follows a few seconds later, painting his stomach with his own release.

They both come down from their highs and let their bodies press against each other. Sunoo groans when he realizes that they have ruined both their shirts and that something sticky is dripping between his legs. Sunghoon, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to mind. He’s busy catching his breath while caging Sunoo’s body with his arms.

"I need some serious aftercare," Sunghoon murmurs in Sunoo’s ear, making the latter snort.

"Wow.  The audacity."

"Hey, you’re the one who started this. I was just willing to oblige," Sunghoon quips with a teasing tone. He balances himself on his elbows and looks down at Sunoo before kissing him on the nose. "I’m serious, though. Aftercare."

Sunoo can’t help but reach out to tuck a strand of Sunghoon’s hair behind his ear. Silver-blonde looks good on him, he thinks.

"What kind of aftercare do you want? That is, if I humor you."

Sunghoon smirks, knowing that Sunoo already agrees despite his contradictory tone.

"Ramyeon and cuddles. In my apartment."

"Why do I feel like you’re just baiting me to stay the night?"

Sunghoon shrugs and takes back his place on Sunoo’s shoulder. His soft breaths tickle Sunoo’s sensitive skin there. "I’m not. You can leave if you really don’t want to stay."

Sunoo knows that he means it and that he won’t force Sunoo to do something that will make him uncomfortable. He appreciates what Sunghoon is doing, especially after the incident in Busan, but he can’t deny that there’s a nagging feeling deep inside him that wants Sunghoon to demand a little more from him.

In the end, he ignores that feeling and tells himself to still be careful. Whatever shifted between him and Sunghoon might be temporary. They may feel fine now, even happy, but neither of them can tell how long that feeling will last.

He strokes the back of Sunghoon’s neck and sniffs his perfume, knowing that when this affair comes to an end, he can only have this moment in his memory.

Sunghoon cooks the way he fucks. So. Fucking. Good.

He laughs when Sunoo lets out a moan after having a taste of his home-cooked ramyeon. In Sunoo’s opinion, the noodles have the perfect texture, and the soup has a great balance of saltiness and spiciness that he likes. It’s a miracle how Sunghoon managed to cook the food so well when he apparently had a few missing ingredients.

"That good?" Sunghoon vainly asks with a raised brow.

Sunoo nods. "When I die, bury me in this." Sunghoon laughs out loud again.

In retrospect, maybe Sunoo was just hungry. After their quick detour in the parking lot earlier, they still had to go back to their jobs, which wouldn’t have lasted all night if he hadn’t given in to his libido. But it doesn’t matter. He had good sex and even better food in return.

In the middle of their shared meal, Sunghoon’s phone suddenly rings. Sunoo gets a quick glimpse of the caller ID. ‘Eomma’. Sunghoon excuses himself and goes to the kitchen, even though Sunoo can hear their voices in the living room.

" Have you been eating well? " Sunghoon’s mom asks. " Don’t forget to buy groceries. I don’t want you eating too much processed food ."

"I’m fine, eomma. I’ll get groceries tomorrow," Sunghoon replies. Sunoo unconsciously smiles upon hearing Sunghoon’s embarrassed tone. After all, it’s not fun being scolded by your mom in front of some guy you’re fucking on the daily.

Sunghoon’s mom was about to start ranting about something else, but he quickly cut her off. "Hey, eomma, I kinda have company right now, so… I’ll just call you some other time, okay?"

" Oh? Is that your boyfriend? "

Sunoo freezes mid-slurp, and he hears the silence on Sunghoon’s end. As if on cue, they both turn their heads and look at each other across the room in shock. It feels like hours passed between the two of them, waiting for Sunghoon to answer. Sunoo doesn’t know why he suddenly felt nervous as to how the older one would answer the question. It doesn’t help that Sunghoon looks equally as appalled as he is.

He sees Sunghoon’s Adam’s apple bob before responding with a blunt "No." And somehow, that was their cue to break whatever staring contest they were engaging in. "Just a friend," he adds.

Sunoo turns back to the TV but forgets what they were watching in the first place. He’s sure that it’s some bad horror movie, but all his brain could focus on was how odd he was feeling after hearing Sunghoon’s answer.

Sunghoon didn’t lie, though. They are friends. Sort of. But he can’t remember the last time they put a label on whatever they are. Friends with benefits? Fuckbuddies? Colleagues? So it’s a bit weird to hear Sunghoon’s reply to his mom. It’s a bit weird to define what they are, despite the fact that they’re nothing like that at all.

Friends might cook ramyeon and watch a shitty movie together, but they certainly don’t get naked and plead to get fucked.

Somehow, the ramyeon starts tasting bland.

Sunoo doesn’t catch the next words that Sunghoon tells his mom. He snaps back to consciousness when he feels the couch dip beside him. Sunghoon places a couple of bottles of soju on the coffee table and resumes eating his own ramyeon as if the awkward atmosphere isn’t surrounding them at all. For a few moments, they sat there without exchanging a word. Someone gets murdered on TV, but it doesn’t make either of them flinch at all.

A strange feeling bubbles in Sunoo’s stomach, but he can’t tell whether it’s from the spicy ramyeon or something else altogether. The fact that Sunghoon isn’t talking—when he’s usually the more talkative of the two of them—makes the feeling grow heavier.

Sunoo’s eyes look at the green bottles on the table and watch the condensation roll down its sleek surface like it’s a distraction. "You have soju bottles in your fridge but not kimchi?"

Sunghoon huffs. "Kimchi can’t give me a buzz."

"Technically, it can. If it’s over-fermented."

"Someone paid attention in biochem," Sunghoon sarcastically replies, breaking the tension a bit.

Sunoo allows himself to laugh to further dispel the heavy atmosphere. Then he puts down his nearly empty bowl to pop open a bottle of soju. Seeing that Sunghoon didn’t bother to whip out shot glasses, he directly took a sip from the bottle and passed it on to Sunghoon. The warmth of the alcohol masks the weird feeling in his stomach.

The older one mimics the way he drinks and puts his own bowl on the table before passing the bottle back to Sunoo.

"You hate spending time with your mom, don’t you?" Sunoo asks.

Sunghoon guiltily laughs but nods his head. "I love her. So much. And my family in general. But they still look at me weirdly."

"How come?"

Sunghoon shrugs. "Well, my parents are very traditional. They grew up in the countryside and became farmers. And somehow, the idea of gay people existing boggles their minds."

Sunoo’s eyes widen a fraction, and he bites his tongue. He doesn’t know anything about Sunghoon’s family, except for the fact that they apparently don’t have enough money to send their son to university. Learning that they’re farmers and also homophobic threw him for a loop. Besides, Sunoo’s own parents don’t seem to have a problem with his sexuality. Ironically, a lot of the wealthier families in the city have at least one member who’s married to the same sex. But maybe that’s also because the wealthier families only see their children as part of business deals.

"Oh. Is that why you don’t usually go home to spend time with them?"

"Yup," Sunghoon’s lips pop at the ‘p’. "Ever since I came out, they’ve been acting all weird when I’m around." Sunoo takes a quick sip and hands the bottle back to Sunghoon, who takes a longer one. "My dad still has a hard time grasping that concept. My mom is a little more understanding. And my siblings… Well, I guess they’re too young to understand that their brother likes boys, too."

Sunghoon takes another sip, halving the contents of the bottle. "Dr. Soo proposed I study in the city, so I took the chance to pack my bags and leave. Don’t get me wrong; I still love my family. And I know they love me just as much. They’re just trying to figure things out."

He passes the bottle to Sunoo and looks at him. "How about you? I’m sure your parents don’t have a problem with your sexuality. So, you must be avoiding them for a different reason."

Sunoo smirks against the mouth of the bottle before downing the alcohol. "Yeah. Quite the opposite. They keep chucking me at anyone who has a dick as long as they can add some value to our business." Sunghoon laughs and turns sideways to face him fully, propping his cheek on his hand. "I just hate being treated like a fucking clause in a business contract. They’re awesome parents, and they’ve given me more than enough, but I hate feeling used. I hate owing them something."

Sunghoon takes the bottle again and drinks. "At some point, you have to follow them, though."

Sunoo groans. "Not if I can’t help it." He doesn’t want to end up like Jungwon. Though it worked out better for his best friend, there’s no guarantee that it’ll end well for him. Plus, being committed to someone is still a scary thing for him to navigate. He’s slowly recovering from his past traumas. He doesn’t need another one to pile on top of those.

"Random question," Sunoo starts as the bottle lands on his hand again. "You’ve explicitly said you’re gay. But have you ever been with a girl before?" He hands the bottle back to Sunghoon, who stares at it with furrowed brows. It’s empty, so he puts it on the table and opens another one.

"No," Sunghoon answers before drinking.

"Really?"

"Why do you seem surprised?"

Sunoo shrugs before snatching the alcohol. "A lot of girls on campus seem interested in you."

"Doesn’t mean I’ve been with one before."

"I know," Sunoo says. "I just thought you would have. You can pass off as a straight person."

Sunghoon chokes. "Okay, two things. First, that was extremely offensive. Second, I’ve never imagined being with a girl. Ever. I knew from day one that I was interested in other boys. Period. Don’t make weird assumptions anymore."

Sunoo giggles and nods his head. When Sunghoon asks him the same question, he hesitantly confesses. "Just once. Well, I mean, I’ve only had sex with one girl before."

"Weird."

Sunoo slaps Sunghoon on the shoulder. "Hey! That’s also offensive. I was exploring at that time. Both of us were. And in the end, we both had answers to our questions."

"And that is?"

"I’m completely gay, and she’s completely lesbian."

Soju squirts out of Sunghoon’s mouth when he laughs. It’s a bit disgusting, but Sunoo finds himself laughing along at how ridiculous his past escapade was. Sunghoon’s cheeks grow red both from laughing and from the alcohol. And judging by the warmth on Sunoo’s own skin, the soju must also be getting to him as well.

"God, what a story!" Sunghoon exclaims. "At least the sex was great? Please tell me it was at least worth it?"

"It was," Sunoo says. "And she was really nice. I don’t know where she is now, but I hope she’s doing fine."

"How about you? Do you consider yourself ‘doing fine’?" Sunghoon jokingly asks as he curls his fingers to mimic air quotes.

"I’m getting free food and free booze from some hot guy I’m fucking… Yes, I can say I’m doing fine," Sunoo confidently replies.

The mischievous smirk on Sunghoon’s face spreads widely until it reaches his ears. Sunoo can’t help but regret stroking his ego. It must be the alcohol talking, even though he’s barely getting a buzz.

"You think I’m hot?"

Sunoo rolls his eyes and takes a long sip from the bottle, an attempt to dull down his senses, when he admits to Sunghoon that, yes, he actually finds him hot. But he knows that Sunghoon already knows that because he wouldn’t be sleeping with him for this long if Sunghoon looked like a troll.

"Just for tonight, I will admit that I do find you hot. And also pretty when you sleep."

"You watch me when I sleep?" Sunghoon teases as he leans forward.

Oh shit, Sunoo thinks. That last part was definitely because of the alcohol. "Fuck you. I take it all back."

"Don’t be like that, sweetheart." Sunghoon manages to pinch Sunoo’s cheek. The latter barely registers what’s happening because of the alcohol. So he lets Sunghoon treat him like a pathetic kid. "Besides, I can say the same for you. You’re hot and pretty when you’re asleep. Or even awake. You’re pretty all the time."

It’s juvenile. It’s cheesy. It’s cringe-worthy. But Sunoo’s stomach does some flips either way when he hears those things coming out of Sunghoon’s mouth. He convinces himself that it’s the ramyeon and alcohol mixing up in his belly. It’s not the fact that he knows Sunghoon means all of it, even without the soju giving him a bit of confidence.

Sunoo takes a deep breath and chugs every last drop of the soju. He puts it down on the table, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and looks briefly at Sunghoon before reclaiming his place on the latter’s lap. When he kisses Sunghoon, the other one reciprocates quickly. When he wraps his arms around his shoulders and neck, Sunghoon’s arms find their way around his waist. The taste of alcohol and ramyeon is strong between their lips and tongues. But Sunghoon breaks away first, giving them a moment to catch their shared breaths.

"I know this may seem like a shock to you, but I don’t want to have sex tonight."

Sunoo giggles with his eyes closed and leans his cheek against Sunghoon’s own. "Okay. The ramyeon was spicy anyway. It’d be weird."

"Yeah," Sunghoon chuckles as well. "Do you want to stay here, though? It’s kinda late."

Sunoo leans back and flicks Sunghoon on the forehead. "I knew you were just baiting me to stay."

Sunghoon sneaks a quick playful peck on Sunoo’s lips and says, "Sorry. But if you really don’t want to stay, I won’t force you."

The sincerity in Sunghoon’s eyes is genuine; Sunoo can tell as much. But he knows he’s also internally pleading for Sunoo to stay. He always wants Sunoo to stay, maybe in more ways than one. Sunoo would be lying to himself if he said it wasn't scaring him. But he’d also be lying if he said he didn’t want to be wanted like that.

Sunghoon has always wanted him. Sunghoon has always selfishly wanted him. And he’s sure that a lot of people have felt that way about him before. He’s just not sure why Sunghoon’s desire for him feels different. It feels like there’s some weight to it that he’s afraid he’s not going to handle well.

On the other hand, that weight brings some sort of gratification for him. Its presence makes him feel something. It makes him feel like his existence holds deeper relevance.

He’s afraid, Sunoo admits it in his head as his fingers trace the lines on Sunghoon’s face. He’s afraid that maybe the weird feeling in his belly is more than just the alcohol and ramyeon. He realizes this when his forefinger runs down Sunghoon’s cheek. He’s afraid that maybe there’s a deeper reason why being labeled as Sunghoon’s ‘friend’ feels strange. And when his thumb finds its way onto the plumpest part of Sunghoon’s lips, Sunoo realizes that he’s so fucking afraid.

He’s so fucking afraid that maybe this whole affair with Sunghoon is more than just sex.

His fingers shake subtly, and his throat threatens to close up.

"Hyung…" he manages to whisper.

"Hmm?" Sunghoon hums in question, his eyes reflecting concern and confusion.

"Ask me to stay again."

Sunghoon sharply inhales, and Sunoo can feel the former’s arms bracing him tighter.

He’s afraid. He’s so fucking afraid.

"Sunoo… Please stay."

Sunoo lets the pad of his thumb run across Sunghoon’s lips before diving in to kiss him again.

He’s afraid. He’s so fucking afraid.

But as much as it pains him to admit it to himself, he knows that he wants Sunghoon as well.

Chapter Text

Sunoo stayed that one night without going beyond kissing Sunghoon. He complained about Sunghoon tricking him, and even more so about the fact that he wasn’t comfortable wearing some other person’s clothes. He insisted on going back to his dorm room to get a change of clothes, but Sunghoon did not let him. Instead, Sunoo was pulled down on Sunghoon’s bed, with the latter’s arms around him, until both of them fell asleep.

That night happened a month ago.

He can count in his fingers how many times he has been sleeping in his own dorm room since that night a month ago.

There is a definite shift in whatever it is that he has with Sunghoon. Sure, they still have sex—albeit the fact that when they do, it feels slower somehow, a bit deeper like they’re taking their time to explore each other—but even those instances have been getting less frequent.

Instead, his moments with Sunghoon are filled with all the mundane things he never knew he’d enjoy. He’d wake up most mornings with breakfast already laid out in the kitchen, or sometimes have a chocolate croissant that Sunghoon buys in the bakery while he’s still sleeping.

Sunghoon would drive them to the campus while having the randomest conversations.

“What would you rather eat, feet-flavored tteokbokki or tteokbokki-flavored feet?”

“Why the fuck would I eat feet?”

“I’m just curious what you’d pick. It would say a lot about you.”

“Sunghoon, if this is your roundabout way of asking me if I have a foot fetish, no. I don’t have a foot fetish.”

“Ah, I’m glad you’re normal.”

And then Sunoo doesn’t know when it started or how, but in between their playful banter, they’d always let their fingers linger against each other’s skin. Sunghoon’s hand would be on Sunoo’s thigh. Sunoo’s hand on Sunghoon’s palm. Until then, holding hands over the console felt just as important as fastening their seat belts.

They’d kiss each other goodbye as they headed off to their classes and meet up in the afternoon for their research project, where they sneak in more kisses and touches once they’re sure that none of their professors are looking.

They’d have dinner on nights when Sunoo didn’t go out with Jungwon. Or even if he did go out with Jungwon, Sunghoon would invite him to come watch a movie in his apartment afterwards. That usually ends either with him pinned down on the couch while Sunghoon has his way with him or—and this happens most of the time—both of them falling asleep, limbs entangled until it’s unclear where Sunghoon ends and Sunoo starts.

Sunghoon would pout and feign annoyance like a bratty child whenever Sunoo decided to go back to his dorm room.

“I’m preparing for a presentation. I can’t focus when I’m in your apartment.”

“Why not? I can help you review.”

“Yeah. Naked.”

So Sunoo, despite Sunghoon’s insistence, spends a night or two in his dorm room to focus on his work. He just makes sure to send a suggestive good-night text to Sunghoon before he falls asleep.

They spend most of the weekdays together until Saturday morning comes for Sunoo to have brunch with Jungwon. Saturday afternoons are reserved for his parents, which is mostly just watching his dad play golf before meeting up with his parents for dinner. On Sundays, Sunoo would go back to his house and have a little bit of down time before going back to the university at night. His time during those nights is mostly occupied by nonsensical texts about their weekends exchanged with Sunghoon.

The cycle goes on and on until the little corners of their lives are filled with each other. Suddenly, there’s an extra toothbrush in Sunghoon’s bathroom. Sunoo’s closet gets filled with randomly stolen hoodies. Sunghoon learns to tolerate the taste of mint chocolate ice cream. Sunoo’s inbox gets filled with good morning texts. Sunghoon’s grocery list gets longer. And Sunoo learns to let himself get a bit more vulnerable each day.

Because he knows that when the time comes and he has to decide what happens to his “thing” with Sunghoon, he has to make a choice that he won’t regret.

“You’re so beautiful,” Sunghoon whispers against Sunoo’s ear. They are tethering to sleep, but neither of them succumbs to it because tomorrow is Saturday and they don’t really see each other over the weekend.

“You always say that,” Sunoo replies with an equally husky voice. “I don’t know how to feel when you look like that.”

“Like what?”

Sunoo shrugs. “A Greek god?”

To emphasize his point, Sunoo runs his palm down Sunghoon’s hard chest and goes over the planes of his stomach.

He feels Sunghoon cheekily smile against his hair. “Wow, are you obsessed with me?”

Maybe. Probably. A little bit.

But Sunoo just snorts and lays back on the pillows.

“You’re going with your dad to the Country Club again?”

Sunoo rolls his eyes. “Yes. After brunch with Jungwon.”

“Why? I thought you hated it there. ”

“I do,” Sunoo replies. “But my dad has been nice to me lately, and I really like the cocktails they serve at the golf course.” Sunghoon lays on his side and puts his hand on Sunoo’s bare stomach while smiling. “What?”

“Ditch your dad.” They both chuckle, while Sunghoon presses his nose against the crown of Sunoo’s head, playing with the strands of his hair as he does so.

“Why? You have a better idea of how I should spend my weekend?”

Sunghoon takes a long sniff of his hair before exhaling a long, drawn-out breath. Sunoo could feel Sunghoon’s shoulders relax, waiting for the latter’s answer.

“We should probably watch a movie,” Sunghoon replies with a low tone that Sunoo thinks is brought about by lethargy with a hint of embarrassment. It’s obvious that the suggestion is tethering on the edge of asking Sunoo out on a date, an instance that is beyond their agreement. And it shows in the way Sunghoon words out his sentence how his fingers become stiffer than just a second ago.

It’s obvious that he’s anticipating a rejection.

Sunoo doesn’t know how to feel about that. On one hand, he’s glad that Sunghoon is still aware of the boundaries that they have set. On the other hand, he feels guilty about instilling an irrational fear in Sunghoon about something so mundane as seeing a movie. They can watch a movie as friends or colleagues, at the very least. It can mean nothing. But with the way that they have been sharing a space and being in each other’s company for weeks, it’s understandable that even Sunoo has doubts about what Sunghoon means. He has doubts about what he wants Sunghoon to mean.

Sunoo looks up and finds the dying excitement swimming in Sunghoon’s eyes. “Which one do you want to see?” he asks in monotone so as not to give Sunghoon any false hope.

But it was too late. A flame burns brightly behind Sunghoon’s irises, and Sunoo knows he'll have to put it out again.

“This one superhero movie…”

It was a ridiculous answer, as emphasized by how dumbfounded Sunghoon looks. Sunoo knows he shouldn’t laugh, but he can’t help it. He bursts out at the seams and sits up to catch a breath, wiping the tear from the corner of his eyes.

“My God, you are such a damn nerd,” he says while turning back to Sunghoon, who is still lying on the pillow with his lips turned out for a pout. “Did you suggest it because none of your friends want to come with you?”

Sunghoon’s silence and eye roll answer Sunoo’s question.

“Okay, stop making fun of me and come here,” Sunghoon says after Sunoo laughs at him again. When he sees that there is no indication of Sunoo stopping anytime soon, he takes matters into his own hands and pulls Sunoo against his chest again, peppering his face and lips with quick and teasing kisses. “One of these days, I’ll get back at you for laughing at me.”

“I won’t apologize,” Sunoo whispers against Sunghoon’s lips.

Sunghoon snorts. “I know.”

Their newfound cycle breaks the next morning, when Sunoo’s slumber gets interrupted by his phone ringing on the nightstand. He blinks for a couple of moments and slowly untangles himself from Sunghoon’s arms to answer the call in the living room.

It was Jungwon.

“Won? What’s going on? It’s 6 AM,” Sunoo says with a croaky voice, still bearing remnants of sleep.

On the other end of the line, Jungwon sounds equally tired.

“ Hyung ,” Jungwon starts. “ You’re going to hate me for this, but is it okay if we cancel brunch today? ”

Sunoo sits on the couch with a dumbfounded look on his face. Jungwon never cancels brunch unless it’s physically impossible for them to meet. “Oh, why? Is something the matter?”

“ No, not really ,” Jungwon assures. “ It’s just… I’m with Jay-hyung right now .”

“You’re always with Jay,” Sunoo feigns faux annoyance.

“ Yeah… but, uhm… we’re kind of… exhausted. ”

“Oh,” Sunoo says. And then, when realization dawns on him, he goes, “ Oh. ”

“ First of all, shut up ,” Jungwon hurriedly says as Sunoo’s face breaks into a shit-eating grin that he must have felt through the phone.

“I’m not saying anything!” Sunoo protests.

“ Yeah, well, I can practically feel you being annoying, so shut up ,” Jungwon emphasizes. “ Look, I’m sorry for canceling, but I can barely move right now. You should’ve given me a crash course. ”

Sunoo clicks his tongue. “You’re a whole adult, Jungwon. And with all the stories I’ve told you before, you should’ve prepared better.” Sunoo feels Jungwon roll his eyes on the other line. “Are you okay, though? He took care of you, didn’t he?”

Jungwon’s voice brightens when he answers again. “ Of course, hyung. He was… He was very sweet .” There was a hint of fondness in his voice that only the most head-over-heels fool could replicate. “And he was gentle with me. He always is. And, I guess, I understand now why you like doing this so much,” he remarks with a giggle.

It was Sunoo’s turn to roll his eyes, but an odd feeling simmers in his chest and stomach.

It’s not the same. Whatever Jungwon is feeling right now about Jay is not the same as Sunoo’s encounters. He knows that there is nothing but love and adoration between Jungwon and Jay, whereas it has only been carnal pleasure for Sunoo. It has always been temporary for him. Maybe it felt deeper than that once, but that feeling is now unfamiliar to him.

He thinks.

“Hey, why are you up early?” Sunghoon’s voice suddenly whispers in his ear while strong arms wrap around his shoulder. Sunghoon’s warmth came out of nowhere, along with the early kisses on his skin.

Sunoo stills for a moment, and through his phone he hears Jungwon go, “ Oh. ” There was no doubt that his best friend heard the oblivious Sunghoon. “ I guess we’re fine with canceling today’s brunch, then? ” Jungwon teases.

“We will never speak of this again. Bye.” Sunoo hurriedly drops the call and turns to the side to glare at Sunghoon, who was still lazily kissing his neck and shoulder.

Sunghoon pauses and grins at him. “What? Why do you look mad?”

“Don’t do that,” Sunoo warns lightheartedly. “Jungwon heard you.”

There is a brief silence between them that Sunghoon breaks when he says, “Sorry.”

Sunoo sighs. “It’s fine. It’s not like he knows who you are.” He sits back on the couch, letting his head rest on Sunghoon’s bare chest. “Brunch is cancelled. Jungwon is busy with something.”

“Oh, too bad. You love your brunches.”

“I do. But I understand. It’s not the end of the world.”

“Hmm…” Sunghoon sighs in the crook of Sunoo’s neck. “How about we have brunch?”

Sunoo laughs. He doesn’t know why, but it wasn’t a bad idea. “You know a good brunch place?”

“I’ll Google for one,” Sunghoon replies. Sunoo doesn’t know if the suggestion is a serious one, but he lets it play out. “You can try something new. Or not. I mean, it’s up to you.”

Sunoo rolls his eyes, annoyed at the fact that Sunghoon is asking him half-heartedly. He wants Sunghoon to mean it and go through with his intentions. It’s not like they’re breaking any rules. And even if they are, it feels like it doesn’t matter anymore.

“God, just tell me if you want to have brunch with me. I hate that hesitating bullshit you’re doing.”

Despite himself, Sunghoon smiles and plants a hard kiss on Sunoo’s cheek. “You can’t blame me when you have always been the one calling the shots.”

It’s true, though. All the rules were made up by Sunoo. And even though Sunghoon never protested against them, he never really got a say. But it’s different now somehow. It doesn’t feel right to call the shots anymore, especially when Sunghoon has done so much for him.

“Just tell me, Sunghoon.”

“Fine,” Sunghoon groans. “Let’s have brunch.”

Sunoo’s chest clenches, but it doesn’t feel awful; it doesn’t feel like he’s dying. “Okay,” he answers.

Sunghoon kisses him on the cheek again and smiles. “Good. But it’s too early for brunch. Come back to bed?”

Sunoo nods and follows Sunghoon back to the bedroom, their fingers interlaced and their gazes tender.

Is driving two hours away from the city to have brunch at some unknown restaurant near the sea worth it? Sunoo can’t answer a hundred percent yes. But the eggs Benedict he ordered were five times cheaper than what he usually has at the Cottage. And Sunghoon has been smiling all morning. Somehow, those two things are convincing him that this weekend will turn out better than he expected.

“I have a feeling that you’ve been here before,” Sunoo remarks when one of the staff greets Sunghoon with familiarity.

Sunghoon nods and says, “Yeah, a couple of times.”

The food has character, Sunoo admits. But what really draws him in is the ambiance.

The restaurant has half walls that let the early afternoon wind blow in. The salty smell of the sea isn’t pungent, but rather relaxing, like having a drink on the beaches of Hawaii. Most of the restaurant’s patrons are middle-aged men who seem to take a break after a day’s worth of fishing. And all-in-all, being a stranger among strangers feels comforting.

Sunoo watches the calm waves of the sea from a distance. There are some fishing boats lined up on the shore, and there is an isolated pier that looks worse for wear. He takes out his phone and snaps a picture, which draws a silent snicker from Sunghoon across the table.

“What?” Sunoo asks.

Sunghoon shakes his head and pulls his chair closer until their knees brush under the table. “You like it here?”

“It’s a new environment.”

Sunghoon nods. “Wanna check out the pier after?”

“Sure,” Sunoo answers. He doesn’t have any other plans anyway.

Sunghoon pays the bill despite Sunoo’s insistence that he can cover his share. His ex-TA only smirks at him and playfully squeezes his cheek when Sunoo starts pouting.

They make it to the pier even though Sunoo internally questions the rigidity of the rotting wood beneath their feet. He carefully takes a step, avoiding the cracks on the surface. Sunghoon, on the other hand, has no care in the world. He seems confident enough to entrust his life to the rickety platform. He takes Sunoo’s hand and guides him to the edge, where they sit down, their shoulders leaning against each other.

The sun is still high in the sky, its warmth burning a new batch of freckles on Sunoo’s face, but he doesn’t mind. He lets the wind blow against his hair, and his feet swing above the dark water. He watches Sunghoon close his eyes and revel in the moment.

“How do you know about this place?” Sunoo asks.

Sunghoon answers without opening his eyes. “Someone showed it to me.”

“Someone?” There was an edge of intrigue in Sunoo’s voice. It felt like Sunghoon elicited that response from him on purpose, like he wanted Sunoo to ask.

“Yes,” Sunghoon answers with a nod. “Someone. The one who taught me how to smoke.”

“Oh.”

They bask in the silence for a while. For Sunoo, it was a moment to let Sunghoon’s reply sink in. There was someone who took Sunghoon to this place, and that person also put the nicotine in his lungs. There’s only one kind of person who makes you hold on to your bad habits and reminisce about the good times.

A lover. An ex-lover.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.

Sunoo knows that Sunghoon is far from being a prude or a virgin—he made that clear to him very clearly—but another complicated feeling rises in his throat. And he doesn’t know how to react. He wants to ask more, but at the same time, he wants to cut the topic short. In the end, he ends up fiddling with his thumbs and staring at his chipping fingernail.

Out of nowhere, Sunghoon kisses his cheek. It was a swift and teasing kiss that Sunoo could barely process. But he felt the pressure on his skin that jolted him and prompted him to look around to check if someone saw them.

No one did. They were far enough away to be ignored by fishermen who were too busy chatting loudly among themselves.

“Why’d you do that?” Sunoo asks.

Sunghoon shrugs. “Just felt like it.”

“We’re in public.”

“So?”

Sunoo wanted to smack Sunghoon in the back of the head. They never do PDA, especially when the “A” is nonexistent in their relationship. Sort of.

Sunghoon smugly turns back to the sea, acting like he didn’t just make Sunoo flush furiously.

“You figured it out, didn’t you?” Sunghoon comments belatedly. “You figured out who taught me how to smoke? Or, at least, their significance to me?”

Sunoo bites his lip and nods. “An ex-boyfriend.”

Sunghoon scoffs. “Yeah, right. I wish.”

“It wasn’t an ex-boyfriend?”

Sunghoon takes a long inhale before opening his eyes and looking at Sunoo. “What constitutes a boyfriend? Someone you kiss? Hold hands with? Fuck?” Sunoo cringes at the crass remark. “Someone you get vulnerable with? Someone you go on dates with?”

Sunoo shrugs. “I guess so.”

“Then, what’s the difference between that and what we are?”

Sunoo freezes, while Sunghoon stares at him hard. It was a challenge behind a question. And it’s something that Sunoo can’t bring himself to answer.

Frankly, his relationship with Sunghoon has been quite complex these past few months. They’re in a sort of push-and-pull situation, where Sunoo pushes him away, but not far enough for Sunghoon to be out of reach. It’s problematic, he knows. And he knows that despite all the running that he has been doing before, somehow, his feet still take him back to Sunghoon’s apartment.

He wonders what makes this dynamic different from all the other “relationships” he has had before. The only obvious answer is Sunghoon.

Despite all that, they’re not really dating. Sunoo can ignore the possibility of that happening until one of them snaps and asks the question.

And it won’t be him.

Sunghoon doesn’t wait for an answer. “He wasn’t my ex-boyfriend. I mean, we do all those things that most boyfriends do. But we weren’t in that sort of relationship.”

“Why not?”

Sunghoon smirks. “That would cause a lot of problems. First, he was my professor.”

Sunoo furrows his brows, wincing at the almost parallel between his relationship with Sunghoon.

“Second, he wasn’t really out of the closet. But I think the main reason was because he didn’t want his wife to find out.”

“What?” Sunoo sits up in surprise. “Your professor cheated on his wife with you, and you let him?”

“No. Not really,” Sunghoon coolly replies, as if he hadn’t dropped a bomb on Sunoo seconds ago. “I only found out he was married two days before he left me.”

“I don’t understand…”

Sunghoon smiles, perhaps reminiscing about the better parts of his past. “Well, he was my professor. It was my first year at the university, and I didn’t know anyone. He was one of the younger professors. He taught ethics, ironically.

“I was enamored by him, I guess. And he was friendly, so I kept following him around. After class, he’d smoke at one of the picnic tables behind the Humanities’ building and rant to me about philosophers and shit.

“He was a chain smoker. He could finish an entire pack of cigarettes in a day. I wanted to try it out, so I’d ask for a stick. He’d light me up and teach me how to inhale properly so my throat wouldn’t get irritated.

“And, well, I was young. I picked up his bad habits, and we’d bond over them. I was smoking every day and talking to him every day until I found better use for my mouth.”

Sunoo winces again. “Don’t. I don’t need the details.”

Sunghoon chuckles and ruffles his hair gently. “I just meant I kissed him. But you know... One thing led to another, and he confessed that no one knew about his preferences because he’s scared that it’ll ruin his reputation at the university.”

“So, what, you just let him take you here and pretend everything’s fine?” Sunoo interjects, which earns a shrug from Sunghoon.

“Pretty much. We’d go here on the weekends and do what other normal couples do. We’d smoke some more and forget who we are. It’s easier to do that when no one knows you here.”

Sunghoon bites his lip. This time, his eyes turn dark, and the corners of his lips turn slightly downward. When he speaks, there’s an air of fragility in his tone.

“He got a call from a friend in New Zealand. There was an opening at a university that wanted to research ethics in Asia. He was offered triple of what he made here, and arranged accommodations for him.

“I said I didn’t think I’d survive long distance, but I’d call him every day. And he asked me why I would do that. I said because I’d miss him. And I guess I was too naive. He didn’t think of me that way.

“He wanted to end things; I didn’t. I showed up to his apartment one night, drunk. I was begging him to be with me, but, lo and behold, his wife was there. Visiting, apparently, all the way from Jeju. And there was a kid on her lap, his daughter.”

There is rage behind Sunghoon’s eyes, but more than that, there is sadness and regret that radiate around him as he recalls a bitter memory. Sunoo doesn’t know how all of this makes him feel. On one hand, he’s glad that Sunghoon trusts him to be vulnerable with him. But on the other hand, he can’t fully comprehend the pain that Sunghoon went through, and he doesn’t know how to make him feel better when they are in a similar state now. He would be a hypocrite.

Sunghoon scoffs and shakes his head. “Pathetic. Two days after that, he went to New Zealand with his family, and we haven’t had contact since. Not that I want to see him ever again; I just… I just wish he made me understand why he did all of those things.”

Sunoo looks out on the horizon and tries to picture Sunghoon sitting at the very same pier two years ago, smoking, laughing, and maybe even kissing another man. It makes him want to vomit.

“Why’d you take me here then?” Sunoo blurts out. “If this place holds so much trauma, why share it with me?”

Sunghoon inhales again and purses his lips for a while before speaking. “Despite everything that happened, I’m glad he showed me this place. Just sitting here and listening to the lapping waves puts my heart at ease. It helps that the food is damn good, too.” He sighs. “And, I guess, this is a reminder for me that no matter how broken I was back then, I managed to pick myself up for the better.”

Sunoo hesitates, but he feels that he needs to be frank with Sunghoon. “Even if it’s happening all over again?” Sunghoon squints his eyes at Sunoo in question. “You can’t pretend and ignore the parallels between that person and me.”

“Do you have a secret wife and kid that I’m not informed about?” Sunghoon asks in jest, but Sunoo replies seriously.

“No. Not that.”

“You already don’t have a lot in common with him, then.”

“Sunghoon…” Sunoo snaps. “I mean this.” He gestures between them. “You drove two hours away from the university just so we could eat together in public. You… You always make the effort to be with me when I push away your attempts. I can’t even tell my friend who I’m sleeping with. And you’re okay with that? You’re okay with people treating you like that?”

Sunoo shouldn’t be the one asking this question when it’s obvious that he’s the reason why Sunghoon is miserable. Or so he thinks. From Sunghoon’s first failed attempts at kissing him and fighting when talking about Sunoo’s past to meeting in secret and throwing the possibility of being official lovers out the window, it’s all because of Sunoo. Anyone in Sunghoon’s shoes would be miserable.

“You told me to quit smoking,” Sunghoon says. “It might be just some healthy habit for you, but it’s a big thing for me. I’ve tried quitting since he left. Never got myself to do it until you.”

“Sunghoon, I can’t give you what you want,” Sunoo reiterates.

But there’s a look of determination—and a hint of stubbornness—in Sunghoon’s eyes, as if he’s telling Sunoo that he doesn’t get it.

“What do you think I want, Sunoo?”

Sunoo can’t bring himself to verbalize his answer.

“I know my place,” Sunghoon says. “I’m not like I was two years ago. I know you fuss over labels, rules, and all that shit. And I know that’s partly because you have some things going on that you need to figure out for yourself, but I’ve figured myself out, too.

“I brought you here to share this special place that I have and to thank you for pulling me out of my old habits. I wanted to give you some sense of peace of mind as well. You don’t know anyone here, and no one knows you, because I don’t want you to pretend.

“I understand that you don’t want your friends or anyone else to find out about us, and that’s fine. But you don’t have to pretend you’re perfect with me. And you can do that here too.

“I… I just want us to enjoy this. Because I know that a time will come when this ends. I just don’t want us to regret anything, that’s all.”

Silence once again. They’re both aware of the inevitable end that will befall their relationship, whatever this is. Sunoo thinks it’s better this way. It’s better that they’re on the same page. So it’d be easier in the end.

Easy. Sunoo just wants this to be easy.

More silence envelopes them on the drive back to Sunghoon’s apartment. Sunghoon makes instant noodles, which they eat in even more silence. They wash up and get to bed in silence. They don’t hold each other. They just let the silence linger.

Sunoo is lying to himself. Nothing is easy. It was never easy with Hyunjin, and he once thought he was in a perfect relationship back then. It was never easy when he slept with different people to mask his horrible past because when he didn’t feel their heat, he only felt like he was being pulled apart. It was never easy with his parents or with Jungwon or with Sunghoon.

Especially Sunghoon.

Because he feels like he wants something to happen, but he is terrified that if he were the first one to voice his desperation, he’d have nothing left of his dignity.

And yet, there he was, staring at the planes of Sunghoon’s back, aching to touch him and tell Sunghoon to save him from drowning.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier,” Sunghoon says, like he’s whispering against his pillow.

“No,” Sunoo counters. “Don’t apologize. Thank you for opening up to me.”

Sunghoon is just as broken as Sunoo—that much he can figure out. But instead of letting his dark past consume him, Sunghoon tried his best to get out of it and grow. Quitting smoking was the last knot that he had to unravel to let go of that relationship. He’s just unlucky to end up in another dysfunctional one, Sunoo thinks.

Unlike Sunghoon, he can’t quite unravel the knots that keep him tied up to Hyunjin. And maybe he doesn’t want to yet, because the pain serves as a reminder that everything good must end.

Even this good thing that he has with Sunghoon.

It must end. It must.

Sunoo looks at Sunghoon’s broad shoulders, just inches away from him.

Sunghoon turns toward him with a confused face; only the streetlights outside of the apartment windows illuminate his skin. There were no words shared between them, but it’s clear as day that Sunghoon wants to ask if he’s okay.

The lump in Sunoo’s throat grows heavier as he watches concern seep into Sunghoon’s eyes. He swallows, hoping he will choke on it and die. But even dying is an easy way out. 

Running away is exhausting. It feels like there’s no end to a prize-less race. For as long as he lives, Sunoo will search for the finish line that will only grow farther and farther away from him.

“You okay?” Sunghoon’s voice is husky and deep. He slides closer to Sunoo, but not close enough to touch him.

Sunoo can’t unravel the knots. He doesn’t have the strength to understand why Hyunjin did what he did. He thinks that the callouses and the wounds in his hands won’t be worth it.

The pain would be greater than he would imagine, but whatever it is that fills the distance between him and Sunghoon, he doesn’t want it to end.

“It has to,” Miwon tells him frankly. Miwon has always been frank. He has always been straightforward with the things he wanted and didn’t want with Sunghoon. But aside from the frankness in his words, there’s also a finality in every syllable.

“Why?” Sunghoon asks. His tears continue to stream down his face. His face must be blotchy and red from the tears and the alcohol. He doesn’t know what he was thinking. Miwon already told him that he’d be leaving, that this relationship was never going to work. Miwon made sure to hurt him with his words. But Sunghoon is pathetic. He just can’t accept the fact that sex does not equal romantic feelings, at least for Miwon.

Miwon sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “You saw that woman in my apartment. And that kid.”

“Who are they?”

“That was my wife. And that was my child.”

Sunghoon laughs despite the heavy atmosphere. He can’t imagine Miwon being married to someone, much less to a woman, and having a child of his own. It’s just absurd. He feels like if he turns around, he might see a bunch of cameras pointed at him, telling him that it’s all a sad prank.

But there were no cameras in sight. The only ones who're currently witnessing his misery are Miwon and the old lady who is cooking jeon.

“Fuck, you don’t have to lie to me like that,” Sunghoon retorts. “You could have just broken up with me, even cursed at me, but don’t tell that sick fucking joke.”

“I’m not joking, Sunghoon,” Miwon reiterates. There are now lines on his forehead and the sides of his eyes that indicate the annoyance seeping in. “I really am married.”

“You don’t have a wedding ring.”

“It was a shotgun wedding,” Miwon says. “I got her pregnant, and our parents wanted us to get married right away. We didn’t have the money to buy a wedding ring or have a party.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s all true.”

“But you’re gay!” Sunghoon raises his voice. There was no doubt that the old woman heard him. Miwon looks a bit panicked as well, so he pulls Sunghoon closer and aggressively whispers.

“I didn’t bring you here so you could cause a scene, Sunghoon. I’m trying to be mature about this.”

Sunghoon shoves him away. “Mature? How mature of you to fuck your student while you’re still married with a kid! Yeah. So fucking mature of you.”

Miwon purses his lips and stands up all of a sudden, gathering his coat. “If you won’t talk to me properly, it’s probably best that I leave.” He takes quick strides out of the tent, sending Sunghoon into a frenzy.

He quickly sobers up and catches up to Miwon. He desperately runs and reaches out to him until he gets a hold of the back of his coat. Sunghoon pulls him harshly toward his chest and cages him in his arms until he feels their muscles pulsing in sync. “Don’t go. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“You did,” Miwon says with a resigned tone. He’s not fighting Sunghoon anymore. He just lets his shoulders slump. Whoever sees them now doesn’t matter, as it seems. “You wanted me, Sunghoon. You wanted something from me that I couldn’t provide.”

“No, this is enough. Just… We can keep this a secret.”

“No,” Miwon says. “I can’t do that to you, Sunghoon. We might have tricked ourselves this past year, but it’s not fair for the both of us. And it’s not fair to my family. I shouldn’t have entered into a relationship with you, even a physical one. That’s my fault.”

Sunghoon whimpers against Miwon’s shoulder, tightening his hold even harder, even though the strength in his knees is starting to waver. “No… We can make this work. Please, hyung. Please.”

Miwon grips Sunghoon’s wrists and frees himself from his arms. Sunghoon sobs loudly on the side of the street, his knees buckling. But Miwon remains steadfast, towering over him like a looming shadow.

“I’m sorry, Sunghoon. You don’t deserve this,” he says. “Someday… Someday, someone’s going to tell you to stay. And someone’s going to be delighted to be with you. But I’m not that person, Sunghoon. I’m sorry.”

The warm air of summer turned cooler and cooler as autumn neared. The students at the university started wearing more layers as they walked the chilly hallways to their classes. Flocks of birds fly overhead, finding warmer places to rest before the snow falls. And just like the air and the color of the leaves, Sunoo also feels like he’s changing.

Whether for the better or for the worse, he’s not sure just yet.

After all, it has been two months since he last slept at Sunghoon’s apartment.

They rarely see each other, and when they do, it’s always to chase after carnal release.

Sunoo doesn’t stay the night.

His toothbrush found its way back to his dorm’s bathroom. His clothes have filled his cabinet once again. Gone were the stolen hoodies and the mugs he never bought. He’s ordering more takeouts again. And movie nights are now spent in the silence of his room, with only his books keeping him company.

Just like the seasons, Sunghoon is also changing.

Whether for the better or for the worse, Sunoo couldn’t figure out.

Sunghoon has been more immersed in his thesis. When they convene for the project on which they’re working with their professor, they keep it civil.

Sunghoon doesn’t call.

He excuses himself earlier than usual, and his weekends are spent with Dr. Soo, volunteering at one of her hospitals. Instead of inviting Sunoo over to help him with physics, he emails his notes and sample exams. And when they finish their bedroom activities, he doesn’t beg Sunoo to stay.

Sunoo and Sunghoon are back to square one.

Rather, they’re nearing the end. Sunoo knows it. He thinks Sunghoon does, too, but neither of them want to admit it.

Sunoo always tells himself that it’s the natural order of things—an entropy of sorts. He tells himself that they’re just both busy with their own things—exams, projects, family affairs—and that this ending would have to happen one way or another.

It just so happens that Sunghoon’s confession of his past served as a catalyst.

Sunoo is not a saint, but he knows that Sunghoon deserves something far better than this dysfunctional affair. Sunghoon deserves someone who will proudly tell the world who he is. Sunghoon deserves someone who will see beyond his body and his words.

Because Sunghoon is smart and beautiful and kind. And Sunoo is the opposite of that. He’s just an empty shell of a person.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Sunoo snaps back to reality when he hears his dad’s voice beside him.

“Nothing; I’m just trying to identify the muscles attached to this one,” he replies while pointing at the propped-up cadaver’s sternum. Most of its organs have rotten away and disintegrated, and there’s a large hole on its chest where a heart should be.

His dad scoffs. “Liar.”

“I’m not lying,” Sunoo denies.

“Your ears go red when you lie.”

Sunoo acts upon reflex and touches the shell of his ears. They are indeed burning beneath his fingertips.

“It’s just cold in here.”

“No. You’re lying. I know this much because I’m your father. And I specifically remember your ears going red when you lied about having crushes on girls.”

Sunoo turns to see his father cheekily smirking at him. He rolls his eyes and looks at the cadaver behind the glass again.

His countless groans about watching his dad play golf at the country club finally urged the latter to spend the weekend doing something that Sunoo actually likes. It just so happens to be going to the museum, where they feature different medical exhibits. He has been interested in them since he was a child, and he would often express his amusement to his parents animatedly.

But this time, the medical anomalies featured in the museum fall short. This exhibit is the last thing on his mind.

“So, did you fail your physics exam again?” his dad jokingly questions.

“No,” Sunoo snaps. “I did pretty well. I had some help.”

“From who?”

Sunoo takes a moment to reply. “A senior.”

His dad purses his lips. “A boy?”

“Does it matter?” Sunoo counters.

His dad crosses his arms and rests his weight on one leg, giving him a look of faux nonchalance. “It does if it’s affecting you this much,” he says. “So…a boy?”

“I don’t understand why you’ve been so obsessed with my dating life lately.”

“Who said anything about dating? I just asked if your senior was a boy.”

Sunoo shuts his mouth. He didn’t know he was this easy to read. But there was no turning back from the grave he dug himself into.

“Yes,” he says in a whisper, ashamed of his own confession. He can see his dad smirk in his periphery, arrogant about his triumph.

“It didn’t turn out well, I assume?”

Sunoo shakes his head. “We never dated. It was just…” He wanted to say “physical”, but both of their lives would be better off without discussing Sunoo’s sex life. He will literally replace the cadaver in front of him out of embarrassment.

His father just nods, despite the obvious discomfort he projects. But he keeps the conversation going. “He didn’t turn out the way you expected?”

“No,” he easily admits. “It’s not like that at all. I…” he trails off, swallowing the lump in his throat. “It’s me. I’m the problem.”

“I don’t think that’s it,” his dad says. “You’re a good person, Sunoo. Despite our many disagreements and your temper, which I admit you got from me, you’re kind.”

“It’s not that,” Sunoo negates. “I’m just… I’m just like this cadaver. Dead. I’m functioning like a normal being, but I’m dead. I’m just… empty.”

He’s a zombie in a sort of way. And he can’t bear to infect the people around him with his disease. Especially not Sunghoon.

“You’re just going through life, like this person once did,” his dad says while pointing at the cadaver. “You’re not dead or empty, Sunoo. You’re just not trying your best.”

“But what if this is the best?” Sunoo says. “What if I don’t get better than this? Aren’t you tired of dealing with me? You’ve been setting me up with the best people out there, those who we can both benefit from, but I always reject them. What if this is it?”

His dad doesn’t respond. He’s contemplating Sunoo’s words, pondering over the things he can’t articulate. Surely, it hasn’t been the best for his parents. They have been doing their best to give him a good life. But he’s wasting it away just because he can’t tell them how broken he is on the inside. He can’t tell them that the festering wound inside him will consume him whole. He can’t tell them that, just like this cadaver, perhaps there’s a gaping hole now in his chest, too big to be filled with anything good.

“This isn’t your best,” his dad finally says. “I know you’re capable of so much more. You’re just making excuses and running away because you’re scared. And you don’t trust anyone to carry your burdens with you because, somehow, you think we’re not willing to. But we are. I’m willing. Your mom, Jungwon… even that guy who helped you with physics You think we’re going to judge you and look at you like there’s some kind of anomaly in you. But you’re not like this cadaver, Sunoo. You’re here on the other side of the glass.”

“I’m not sure I agree with you,” Sunoo says. It’s just too much. Everything is too much. And though he knows his dad is right about him running away and making excuses, he can’t help but sprint the other way when something nice is happening to him, just like this conversation.

“Well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’ve been your brightest this past year.”

Sunoo furrows his brows and looks at his dad with a big question mark on his face. The old man keeps looking at the cadaver, adjusting his glasses as he examines its twisted arm.

“You’ve been smiling more. I haven’t seen you smile that much these past few years,” his dad says. “And I have to admit that it breaks my heart a little when I become the reason you frown, like when I keep pushing other people toward you. I should have known better. You’ve already set your eyes on someone.”

“That’s not true,” Sunoo denies.

His dad shrugs. “Then tell me this, son…” He straightens up and looks directly into Sunoo’s eyes. “What would you feel if he found someone else?”

Sunoo’s eyes widen a fraction. Suddenly, his dad’s stare and the weight of his question crushed inside him, and he couldn’t bear to look his old man straight in the eye.

But he pictures Sunghoon so clearly in his head. Sunghoon’s canines peeking out of his lips when he smiles. The moles on his face. His fair skin. His voice.

All of them slowly dissipate as he gets pulled away by another person, slipping away until he’s out of reach.

He wants to vomit.

Funny how he could watch a dead body without shedding any disgust, how he could inhale the scent of blood and formalin and feel nothing, yet what turns his stomach is a hypothetical person taking Sunghoon away from him.

Though, is Sunghoon his in the first place?

Of course not.

But somehow, that makes the disgusting feeling inside him worse.

Sunoo ponders over his dad’s question for a couple of weeks more. And in those days, he has not seen Sunghoon outside of their weekly meetings for their professor’s research project.

Sunghoon stopped texting, and exam week passed by so aimlessly. The only two places he has been were the exam rooms and his dormitory. And day by day, a strange feeling settles in his stomach.

He’s more confused than ever over the irony of things.

He was the one who set the rules between them. He was the one who drew the line. He was the one who made it clear that their relationship was nothing beyond their physical escapades.

For what?

So he could protect himself from the inevitable pain that will come? Yet he’s feeling its early signs all the same.

So he could prove to himself that he’s now completely devoid of any romantic capabilities? Yet he misses Sunghoon’s touch.

So he could protect Sunghoon from a never-ending cycle of hurt and disappointment that was reminiscent of his past relationships? But Sunghoon’s decisions and feelings aren’t for Sunoo to decide.

So what is he doing this for?

He couldn’t form a rational answer. And before he could even let himself understand all of those questions, winter had already come. His body feels colder, and his mind feels numb.

The semester ended on the first day it snowed.

Sunoo busies himself with packing up his things to move out of his dorm room and spend the break back at his house. He compiled his graded exam papers in an envelope before tucking them away in a box along with his other books and projects.

It has only been a year of staying at the university, and he hasn’t really made many friends, but he can’t help but reminisce as he goes over some of the earlier assignments he has finished.

One year down, six more to go.

His eyes drift over to his dresser. He opens each drawer and segregates his clothes and knick-knacks. It wasn’t until he reached the very bottom that his knees went weak.

Folded neatly at the bottom drawer was the all-too-familiar letterman jacket that started this unforgettable year, along with the dilemmas that he was too weak to face.

It seems like a blur now in retrospect—his conversation with Sunghoon at the alley of the restaurant. Sunghoon was smoking then and flirting with him quite obviously and aggressively, convincing him to go back to a stranger’s apartment. And now, he’s sitting on the floor of his dorm room, fumbling with the cloth in his hands, wondering if returning the jacket would be a reasonable enough excuse to talk to Sunghoon again.

He has to face him one way or another. He knows that the radio silence from Sunghoon’s end won’t last long, despite the distance that the latter has been giving him.

He takes the jacket and presses it against his nose, closing his eyes as he lets the scent of detergent and Sunghoon’s cologne fill his lungs. There’s a sweet note of the mixed-berry shampoo in there and the lingering stench of cigarette smoke.

It feels warm. Thinking about Sunghoon’s face and his body pressed against Sunoo feels warm. And he’s scared that he’s just deluding himself with the idea that this very thing could heal him.

He sobs, engulfed in Sunghoon’s scent and the ugly feeling of his past shackling him.

It was supposed to be thoughtless, physical, and forgettable. But why does it hurt so much?

“I hate you,” he whispers into the soft cotton. But he doesn’t know if the words are directed to Hyunjin—the very reason why these shackles are wrapped tight around him—or to Sunghoon—for making him feel like he could break the chains.

Or to himself—for being a coward and treating these shackles like an extension of his being.

Sunoo’s tear stains turned a patch of the cloth a darker shade of blue.

He sniffles and stretches the cloth around his shoulders, basking in its warmth and the bad choices he has made to grant him this misery. He misses Sunghoon. He misses Sunghoon’s warmth, his voice, and the way he makes him feel. But perhaps the rules he has set exist for this very reason. His time with Sunghoon must come to an end sooner or later.

But perhaps there is still room for closure.

Someone knocks on his door. Sunoo quickly wipes away his tears and fans his face in an attempt to hide his blotchy cheeks. It might be the RA visiting him to give last-minute reminders before he leaves. But to his surprise, it was Sunghoon on the other side of the door.

Sunoo instantly freezes. Sunghoon was the last person on his mind to make a sudden visit to his dorm room. How did he know where Sunoo resided in the first place?

“Hi,” Sunghoon greets awkwardly.

“How did you…” Sunoo starts to ask, but Sunghoon shrugs.

“I had access to some students’ files. But I promise you, I never look into them unless there are emergencies.”

Sunoo swallows. What emergency constitutes this visit, then?

“Uhm… Can I come in?”

“Why are you here?” Sunoo snaps without moving an inch. His tone makes Sunghoon flinch, but the latter stands his ground, albeit looking like a kicked puppy.

Sunghoon looks directly at Sunoo, but subtly, his eyes move down to the letterman jacket that Sunoo is wearing. There is intrigue in his gaze the moment he meets eyes with Sunoo again. And in a failed attempt to run away in embarrassment, Sunoo stumbles backward.

Sunghoon lets himself in. He seems to tower over Sunoo now as he closes the door behind him. “Why do you think so?” he throws the question back to Sunoo. He scans the room and sees the boxes and luggage that Sunoo is preparing. “You’re really just going to leave without contacting me?”

“I didn’t think it was necessary,” Sunoo tries to sound intimidating. But it only sounded like a pathetic excuse.

“Sunoo,” Sunghoon calls him. But there was a long pause between their bated breaths.

Sunoo looks nervous about what Sunghoon might say next. Sunghoon looks pained and unsure of how to proceed. But they were both in such a cramped space and in such a spontaneous moment that the silence felt short-lived.

“I wanted to see you,” Sunghoon sighs. “Because I’m stupid and I’m scared. And in my head, if I see you, everything will make sense. Or at least I’d get to have some peace of mind.”

Sunghoon paces the room, and Sunoo watches his agitation grow worse as the minutes pass by. The tears seem to well up in his eyes once again, but he blinks them back. Suddenly, everything feels too real and too fast. Yet he doesn’t know how to take control of the situation. He doesn’t have any words to say, and even if he did, his throat feels like it’s being strangled by an invisible hand. He only has the liberty to watch this scene unfold in front of him.

“Look, Sunoo, I’m sorry about everything,” Sunghoon says vaguely. “I… I shouldn’t have said yes to your rules, knowing full well that I had the capacity to break them. I’m sorry I misled you. And I’m sorry that I forced all of this onto you even though I knew you were still carrying the burden of your past relationship.”

Sunghoon continues to ramble like a crazed person. “And I’m sorry that I brought you to the pier. That was so uncalled for. And I was delusional enough to think that it meant nothing to me. It’s stupid. And I’m sorry for feeling this way, but I can’t help it, Sunoo.”

Sunghoon runs a hand through his hair, while Sunoo belatedly realizes that he’s letting himself cry. It all feels too much like he’s going to explode. But feeling something is better than feeling nothing at all.

“I… I’m sorry that I can’t keep it just physical. I keep looking for you. I keep wondering if you’re doing okay. I keep wishing to see you every minute you’re away from me. And it’s not just physical. I’m sorry,” Sunghoon says.

“I tried to keep my distance after our talk at the pier because I was also giving myself some time to think. I wanted to knock some sense into my head, but I haven’t been sleeping well since you stopped coming to my apartment. And I feel like shit all the time. I thought if I gave myself some space, I'd also realize that this really does not mean anything. But, fuck, Sunoo… Now, you’re wearing my fucking jacket, and I’m back to square fucking one.”

Sunghoon takes a pause once again and leans against the wall, surveying the entirety of Sunoo, looking so defeated. “I’m so weak when it comes to you,” he says in a hushed voice. “I promised myself I'd never be this way again, but here I am.” He huffs. “Still so scared that you’ll run away just like all the others do.”

He may not say it, but Sunoo wants to take all this pain away from Sunghoon. He’s always been so quiet about his past, opting to let Sunoo share more of his misery. But now he has let himself lay bare in front of Sunoo. He has stripped away his inhibitions, leaving only the truth of his emotions out in the open.

And what does Sunoo do?

He’s tired of hearing that he’s running away. It’s a truth that he doesn’t want to haunt him anymore. At one point, he’s going to run into a deadend, and there’s only two things he can do: one, he can let himself get stuck and wallow in torment; or two, he can turn back and look for another path to take. He can turn and look back at the steps he shouldn’t have taken.

What does Sunoo do?

The one thing he should have done the very first time.

Let go.

He takes one step forward, closer to Sunghoon, and grabs him by the collar before standing on tiptoes to let their lips meet. The initial shock sets in between them, but Sunghoon finds his footing and rests his weary arms around Sunoo’s waist, holding him closer until they meld into one.

This kiss is unlike any of the lewd ones they had before. This kiss holds so much weight, it almost feels crushing. But not in a way that hurts. It’s like crushing away the layers of walls that Sunoo has built around his heart, submitting to the persistent wrecking ball that is Park Sunghoon. He’s too tired to rebuild them, and frankly, the reasons why he has to do so all seem like a blur now.

He doesn’t entirely know who moved first, but Sunoo feels the soft mattress against his back and the comfortable and all-too familiar weight of Sunghoon against his body. They let their lips and tongues explore each other like they were uncharted territory. Their hands and fingers roam between every expanse of each other’s skin.

And somehow, it doesn’t feel provocative. It just feels like they’re relearning each other and seeing each other in a different light.

Though there are tears in Sunoo’s eyes and on his cheeks, he can’t help but smile.

Breaking free from the shackles of his past finally opened his eyes.

They didn’t go further from that. At one point, they simultaneously break from their kiss to stare at each other. Sunghoon’s eyes glisten with tears, and his skin is red all over. Sunoo can only imagine his own state.

“I’m sorry,” Sunoo whispers in the miniscule distance between them. “I’m sorry it took this long.”

Sunghoon shakes his head and kisses him again. “I know in the back of my head that I would have waited either way.”

Sunoo bites his bottom lip and palms Sunghoon’s cheek. The latter leaned into the touch, his eyes never leaving Sunoo’s face for a second. “Why me?”

Sunghoon chuckles. “I don’t know. I ask myself that, too.” Sunghoon pulls Sunoo close to him as he rests his weight on the bed. They’re laying side by side, tangled by every limb. “But it just makes sense. You make so much sense to me.”

Logic cannot describe the journey that both of them have taken with their relationship. Everything was too complex and convoluted, and it didn’t help that Sunoo pitied himself too much. But everything between them was human. Everything was real.

So, Sunoo stops asking questions and lets himself be engulfed by Sunghoon’s warmth.

Chapter Text

“I have to help out at the farm,” Sunghoon insisted for what seemed like the hundredth time. Sunoo kept pulling him back to the bed, eager to cuddle and pretend that reality wasn’t just outside the door.

Sunoo pouted, which was so out of character for him, but he did anything to slow down time and avoid parting ways with Sunghoon just yet.

Sunghoon chuckled and surrendered. He occupied the space beside Sunoo on the bed and pulled him up so they were sitting next to each other. Their hands naturally entangled, and Sunghoon tucked a stray hair behind Sunoo’s ear.

“Winters are rough. I have to help out,” Sunghoon said in a calmer voice, a shadow of a smile still lingering on his lips. “But I’ll call and make sure that I’m still alive.”

It was Sunoo’s turn to chuckle. He leaned against Sunghoon’s shoulder and watched as their thumbs rubbed circles on each other’s hands. The winter might have been cold, but this was the warmest he had felt in a long time. He was a little bit selfish, and he didn’t want to let go of Sunghoon yet—not now, when they had already confessed their repressed feelings for each other.

“I want to see you again after break,” Sunghoon whispered to Sunoo’s temple. “I think this space will be good for us to let everything sink in and reevaluate where we are right now.”

Sunoo wanted to whine that they had already given each other space. He didn’t want more. But Sunghoon was right. Despite his wordless confession, Sunoo wasn’t entirely sure how to move forward from here with Sunghoon. He wanted to be with Sunghoon for as long as he could—but as what? They weren’t really just fuckbuddies anymore. And calling each other friends felt weird. Being lovers was too much. Boyfriends, then? But that word felt foreign to him. And the word felt too constraining. So what were they now?

“I can hear the gears turning in your head,” Sunghoon said. “We’re just two people, Sunoo,” he added. “Just two people figuring out how all of these emotions work.”

Sunoo looked up at Sunghoon and kissed him again. Just a quick peck because he could. Sunghoon smiled at him, making him pout even more. “This is so dumb,” Sunoo said. “Promise me you’ll call every night. I don’t want to admit that I’ll miss you.”

Over the next few days, Sunoo’s time was occupied by countless lunches with different business partners and investors. He tried his best to listen because, whether he liked it or not, this was going to be his future. Halting his habit of running away from his feelings didn’t stop with his confession to Sunghoon. He replayed the conversation he had with his father at the museum—about letting people carry his burdens with him—and realized that the same applied to his parents. He needed to ease some of the burden off their shoulders as well.

He might never agree to their stupid plans to marry him off to a rich family, but he could definitely do the next feasible thing: succeed them in the family business.

The lunches were great. He found that he could be quite a charismatic conversationalist if he actually made the effort. And not every middle-aged rich person was a snob. Many of his parents’ business partners actually had interesting stories to tell and useful knowledge to impart. The only boring part about networking was golf. He really didn’t see the appeal in it. But he braved it and kept conversations going because it put a smile on his father’s face.

Besides, his nights belonged to Sunghoon anyway. No matter how good or bad his day went, he was reassured that Sunghoon would be there to listen to his stories. God knows how much he had vented about his parents’ friends and the tacky country club, but Sunghoon listened to him attentively and empathized with his feelings.

The same went for Sunghoon. He’d tell Sunoo about the farm and the amount of snow he had plowed over the weeks. He’d reenact the games he played with his younger siblings and cousins.

Sometimes, they could talk for hours on end. Other times, their calls were quick—just to let each other know how much they missed one another and how they couldn’t wait for the new semester to begin.

“I miss you, hyung,” Sunoo whispered through the phone one night while tucked in his blankets. “I miss kissing you and touching you,” he said. It was one of those nights when the weather felt unbearable and the only thing that could warm Sunoo up was sweet release. But Sunghoon only giggled on the other line, quick to shut down any provocative attempts that Sunoo initiated.

“I miss you too, Sunoo. We’ll see each other again soon. Sleep for now.”

It annoyed Sunoo to no end, but he remembered that this break was also an opportunity for them to ponder over their relationship. It was obvious that Sunghoon was establishing his own boundaries, reminding Sunoo that this went beyond the physical now. So, despite the heat pooling between his legs, Sunoo heeded Sunghoon’s advice and closed his eyes to sleep.

The winter break was both too long and too short altogether. Snow kept falling into the new year, so the dorm building’s heater was amped up.

Sunoo thanked his parents and their driver for helping him settle in. And before they left, Sunoo’s mom kissed him on the cheek, while his dad hugged him tighter than he usually did. “Good luck,” he told Sunoo.

He put his things back into place, painting every nook and cranny with his own colors and making the space his. However, he had a feeling he wouldn’t be spending much time in this room anyway. If everything went according to plan—and if he didn’t relapse into his old ways—he might be able to spend most of his time in Sunghoon’s presence instead.

Sunghoon. It had only been a month since they last saw each other. The photos the older boy sent weren’t enough to keep his yearning heart satisfied. He wanted to see Sunghoon in the flesh. He wanted to embrace him. He wanted to kiss him and meld their breaths together. He wanted to touch him and explore every inch of his body. He wanted Sunghoon to be his. And he wanted Sunghoon to own him.

God, he was acting like a loser.

But instead of wincing at his cringey thoughts, he found himself smiling instead. He wore Sunghoon’s letterman jacket on the first day of classes.

They had messaged each other the night before and agreed to meet up during their research project briefing. With Kyungho graduating, Sunghoon replaced him as senior assistant, and Sunoo filled Sunghoon’s previous role.

The briefing wouldn’t be until the end of their classes. In the meantime, he tried his best to listen to his professors, forcing himself to take notes eagerly, but the letters seemed to fly off into the distance along with his thoughts. He couldn’t wait for the day to breeze by so he could get a glimpse of Sunghoon again. He hadn’t even seen a strand of his hair that day.

“Anything to look forward to this year?” Jungwon asked him over lunch. His best friend had let his hair grow over the break. It now reached past his ears, and he could tie it into a pseudo-bun. According to Jungwon, Jay liked it when his hair was longer. Sunoo had grimaced the first time Jungwon told him that. He hoped to a deity that it wasn’t a sex thing. Or maybe his mind was just naturally stuck in the gutter.

Sunoo shrugged. “I still have that research project.”

At the mention of the project, Jungwon smirked mischievously at his soup. Sunoo raised a brow. “Research project. That’s not a euphemism for anything, right?”

Sunoo didn’t intend for it to sound like that, but he recalled that he had used it as an excuse before to spend time with Sunghoon. He smiled to himself. It might be an unintentional double entendre after all.

“No,” Sunoo replied. “But if you’re asking me if I’m still sleeping with that guy from last semester… I…” He paused. They hadn’t really had the time or opportunity to do that. Their conversations throughout the break were also surprisingly wholesome, considering that Sunghoon’s libido was often off the rails. “It’s complicated.”

Curiosity was etched on Jungwon’s face, so Sunoo followed up with, “But not in a bad way. We’re just… sorting some things out, I guess?”

Jungwon’s eyes lit up. “Oh.” The dimples on his cheeks had never been deeper, and it was obvious he wanted to know more about Sunoo’s budding relationship, but he didn’t push. He went back to wolfing down his food.

“How about you? How was losing your virginity?”

Jungwon choked.

Sunoo’s last class should’ve ended ten minutes ago, but his chemistry professor was late—and had a million rules when it came to submitting their outputs for the semester. Sunoo restlessly tapped his foot on the floor, eyes scanning his watch every five seconds.

When will this fucking end?

It took at least fifteen minutes to get to the lab for their project briefing. Even if he walked at twice his normal speed, he’d still be five minutes late. And that’s five minutes wasted not being able to see Sunghoon.

When did he become such a simp?

Then again, when the professor finally dismissed the class, Sunoo bolted out of the room and practically ran to the lab. By the time he reached the door, he was sweating and out of breath. He couldn’t look like this in front of Sunghoon. So, he paused to compose himself, smoothing out his clothes before slowly turning the doorknob and stepping inside.

There were already people gathered in the huddle area. Their professors sat in the middle seats, and beside Professor Kang was a new face. She looked like a freshman—eyes still bright with passion, which Sunoo knew would dull by mid-semester. And in front of the whiteboard stood the object of his affection.

Sunoo froze the moment their eyes met across the room. Just looking at Sunghoon knocked the air from his lungs and sent his heart racing. It had only been a month, but it felt like forever. Seeing Sunghoon again made it seem like he was glowing. If there weren’t other people in the room, Sunoo would’ve jumped him on the spot.

But Sunoo wasn’t a caveman. He bowed and excused himself before taking a seat.

“Sunoo, so glad you could join us,” his professor said with a warm smile. “This is Minji. She’s a genius fresh out of high school and will be joining us on this project.”

Minji bowed politely.

“Hi, Minji,” Sunoo greeted. “Sorry—please, continue.”

Sunghoon smirked briefly before returning to the briefing.

Gone was the silver hair that Sunoo adored so much. He’d dyed it back to black and cut it short, making him look younger. The square-framed glasses accentuated his features, while the black turtleneck made him look like the young CEO of a startup.

Sunghoon was gorgeous.

Half of what he said fell on deaf ears. All Sunoo could hear was: “blah, blah, blah.”

Damn you, Park Sunghoon. Why do you have to be this beautiful?

As usual, Sunghoon opened the floor for questions. Minji asked for clarification on some of her tasks. After that, Professor Kang took over.

Sunghoon made his way to the seat next to Sunoo and subtly grazed his palm across Sunoo’s thigh under the table. The touch made Sunoo blush instantly, and he instinctively found Sunghoon’s hand with his own. He breathed through his nose to calm himself as Sunghoon laced their fingers together. Sunoo squeezed his hand in return, trying his best to pay attention to their professor.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Minji glancing at them a few times.

The briefing ended with some final remarks from the professors. A team dinner was scheduled for the following week—something Sunoo was genuinely excited about. Then the professors left the three students to settle into their cubicles.

“You look so young. Are you really in college?” Sunoo asked Minji, who seemed startled by his voice. She nodded with a small smile.

“Well, we look forward to working with you. Don’t worry, the job isn’t too hard—just a bit time-consuming sometimes. Sunghoon-hyung is helpful.”

“Am I?” Sunghoon asked, approaching his own cubicle beside Sunoo’s. “Glad to hear that. Sunoo rarely compliments me.”

Sunoo rolled his eyes. “Nothing much to compliment.”

Minji looked between the two of them, suspicion written all over her face. Sunoo gave her a cheeky smile, as if to confirm her suspicions. It made her blush.

“Uhm, it’s nice to meet you, and I can’t wait to work with you both. I’ll just… I have a dinner to attend, so… bye.”

Sunghoon chuckled but let her go all the same.

“She’s adorable.”

“Not as adorable as I am, I hope?” Sunoo teased.

Sunghoon turned to look at him, a wide grin spreading across his face before wrapping his arms around Sunoo, caging him in. Sunoo hugged him back tightly, savoring the weight and warmth against his body. Sunghoon’s cologne hit him all at once, setting every nerve in his body alight with need. It wasn’t enough. He wanted more.

“Hyung,” Sunoo whispered, pulling back slightly just to cup Sunghoon’s face. He tilted Sunghoon’s jaw forward and kissed him.

Sunghoon tasted like coffee, which made Sunoo smile against his lips. It reminded him of mornings in Sunghoon’s apartment. His cologne and shampoo brought back memories of shared showers, while his strong arms reminded Sunoo how safe it felt to be around him—laying in bed or on the couch, talking about nothing and everything.

It felt like coming home after a long, painful war with himself.

“I missed you,” Sunghoon murmured against his lips, fingers weaving into the hair at the back of his head. “I missed you so much.”

Sunoo hummed in response and kissed him again, pushing lightly against the desk for leverage. His hands landed on Sunghoon’s chest, then slid to his jaw, leaving a trail of kisses that ended in a mark on Sunghoon’s neck.

But before it could go any further, Sunghoon gently pushed him back, creating just enough space between them to breathe. His hands remained on Sunoo’s waist, thumbs tracing soft circles.

There was a strange look in Sunghoon’s eyes—guilt mixed with longing. Sunoo couldn’t place it exactly, but it was clear that Sunghoon was holding something back.

“What’s wrong?” Sunoo asked, concern creeping into his voice. “Did I do something?”

“No,” Sunghoon shook his head. “You didn’t do anything. There are just… some things we need to talk about. Between the two of us.”

Sunoo frowned. His stomach dropped like lead.

“You’re not ending this, are you?”

He caught himself before saying breaking up, because technically, they weren’t officially together. But the sentiment was all the same.

Sunghoon stood straighter, towering over Sunoo, hands gripping his waist with more urgency.

“No! That’s not what I meant. We just need to talk about this—about us, and how we move forward.”

A long pause hung between them. Sunoo sighed and placed his palms on Sunghoon’s chest again, feeling the steady thump of his heart.

“You’re worrying me. We haven’t seen each other in so long, and now it feels like you’re putting distance between us again.”

How ironic. And, frankly, hypocritical. The way Sunghoon was acting might have everything to do with how Sunoo treated him before they decided to try again. His guard was up. Even if he was kissing and holding Sunoo now, something was still holding him back.

“I’ll explain later,” Sunghoon said softly. “Can we have dinner first? I brought fresh vegetables from home. I’ll cook.”

Despite himself, Sunoo managed a small smile. And as if to soothe the storm in his mind, Sunghoon placed a tender kiss on his lips once more.

It was already eleven when Sunoo and Sunghoon retired to the couch to eat fresh strawberries and chocolate. The homemade wine that Sunghoon had brought made the fruit taste so much sweeter. Their legs were all tangled up while a movie that they didn’t really care about played on the TV.

It felt cozy just being with Sunghoon and laughing about their corny inside jokes. Sunoo didn’t want to go back to his dorm room. He could have stayed here forever if Sunghoon had asked.

When all the strawberries and chocolates were gone, Sunoo’s hands found their way to Sunghoon’s face again, bringing him closer for a kiss. He could still taste the fruit and wine on his tongue, sending shivers down his spine. But once again, when he tried something more than kissing, Sunghoon stopped him.

“Okay, I think it’s time for our conversation,” Sunghoon said in a low voice.

Sunoo breathed in and braced himself for what Sunghoon could possibly say. He tried to stay calm because it might just be all in his head. Sunghoon wasn’t ending this. They were just going to talk about the elephant in the room.

Sunghoon faced Sunoo and played with the latter’s hair as if to amplify the calmness in his voice and body language. Then he started. “Over the break, I kept thinking about us. I was always deep in thought about the best things we could get out of this relationship.”

“You really took this seriously, huh?”

Sunghoon smiled. “I did. I hope you did, too.”

Sunoo raised an eyebrow. “Of course I did. But maybe you thought harder than I did. I just missed you every day.”

If it were possible for a human being to melt into a puddle, Sunghoon looked like he had already done so. But he straightened up and continued.

“I really want to be with you, Sunoo,” he said. “And not just because we want a quick fuck or because we’re desperate to warm our beds. It’s not like that for me anymore.

“I want us to kiss and hold hands and be cheesy together. I want to spend slow mornings with you and maybe catch a movie at night. I want us to share our deepest, darkest secrets and our brightest goals. And I want us to be with each other when we face those opportunities in our lives.

“I want to be with you, Sunoo. But I want us to prove to ourselves that we are capable of holding down a relationship like mature adults.”

Sunghoon kissed Sunoo’s hand at the end of his spiel.

“It feels like you have it all planned out in your head,” Sunoo remarked, earning a reserved smile from Sunghoon. “Okay, I’ll humor you. How are we supposed to do that?”

Sunghoon fixed his posture and held three fingers up in the air. “I have three rules.”

Sunoo scoffed, then laughed at the irony of it all. Sunghoon followed suit but tapped his thigh to get his attention. “You’re ridiculous. You’re really using my own tactics against me?”

“Hey, just listen,” Sunghoon persuaded with a smile. “Let’s take this seriously, alright? I promise you I took some time coming up with these rules, and they’re fairly easy to follow. Maybe you won’t be a fan of the third rule, though—but let’s see.”

“Can’t wait to hear it.” Sunoo propped his head up with his arm and listened intently to Sunghoon’s rules.

“First, I want us to make an effort to talk. Like, let’s actually communicate our feelings and thoughts to each other. I don’t want us running away when things are hard.”

Sunoo took in a deep breath. That first rule was mostly directed at him—king of running away from his problems. But he felt like he was getting better at it. They wouldn't be having this conversation if he hadn’t made any improvement at all. And it’s not like Sunghoon was perfect either. He used to hide behind a cigarette every time Sunoo stressed him out.

“That makes sense,” Sunoo commented. “I’m telling you now that this first rule won’t be easy for me. I’m really trying, okay? So I hope you give me time to process things as well. What I can promise you is I will make an effort. And it will go both ways—I’ll reach out to you when I feel like you’re also putting a wall up between us.”

The last remark made Sunghoon smile so fondly at him that Sunoo just wanted to kiss his face all night. “Thank you, Sunoo. I appreciate that.”

“Rule number two?” Sunoo gestured for him to proceed.

“Next rule is I don’t want to be a secret.”

Sunoo bit his lip. “What do you mean?”

“Well, we were hiding from everything and everyone last year. It made sense when I was still your TA, but I’m not anymore. And we’re both adults,” Sunghoon explained. “I know you’re being careful about people finding out, especially your parents and your best friend, but I’m not asking you to announce to the entire world that I’m your boyfriend.”

“You are?” Sunoo playfully interjected. “Since when?”

“Sunoo…” Sunghoon whined, eliciting a giggle from the younger. “You know what I mean.” He paused, then leaned forward. “Have I misunderstood?”

Sunoo snorted. “No. But you have to ask me first. Maybe later.”

“Okay.” Sunghoon let out a breath of relief, then pulled back once again. “Anyway, I don’t feel comfortable being your dirty little secret. We’re not doing anything wrong. I don’t want you to treat me like I’m your side chick.”

“I’m not comfortable with PDA,” Sunoo quickly added.

Sunghoon nodded. “That’s completely fine with me. Rest assured, I won’t hold your hand or kiss you in public unless you allow me to do so. But if anyone asks if you’re single, I’d appreciate it if you said no.”

Rule number two would have annoyed Sunoo before. He didn’t like it when people tied him down. But now, he welcomed it with open arms. He might not be able to disclose his relationship with Sunghoon yet to his best friend or to his parents, but it felt nice to belong to someone. It felt nice knowing that there was a beautiful person willing to have him in all of his faults. He lucked out even more with the fact that Sunghoon was mature enough to communicate it to him.

“I won’t entertain other people, I promise,” Sunoo said. He leaned in to give Sunghoon a quick and innocent peck on the lips before pulling back. “I didn’t know you’d look this cute while being possessive.” Sunghoon rolled his eyes.

“But…” Sunoo’s face dropped for a moment. “I’m sorry if I can’t let Jungwon or my parents know. I don’t think I’m ready to be bombarded by their questions. I just want us to enjoy being with each other.”

Sunghoon caressed his thigh once again, letting him know that his feelings were valid. “That’s okay. I don’t want to force you to come out to them with our relationship. I just don’t want us to look over our shoulders every second in public because we’re scared of people finding out. I want us to be comfortable in each other’s presence.”

“That doesn’t mean this is going to be forever, though,” Sunoo added. “I’ll tell them eventually. And if they manage to figure it out on their own, I’ll come clean.”

“I’ll be there with you, don’t worry.” Sunghoon cupped his cheek and kissed his forehead. “Ready for rule number three?” Sunoo nodded. “I apologize in advance because this is probably the worst one.”

“How bad can it be?”

It must have been worse than Sunoo could imagine, judging by the deep breath that Sunghoon took. Sunoo’s eyes narrowed in intrigue.

“Rule number three is we shouldn’t have sex for at least three months.”

“Tell me you’re kidding,” Sunoo groaned.

Sunghoon shrugged guiltily. “I’m not. But hear me out—”

“Sunghoon! Do you know how pent up I am right now?” Sunoo complained. “I’ve been thinking about how good you would feel inside me because we haven’t done it in a long time, and now you’re making this dumb rule?!”

Getting angry at the third rule was so ridiculous, even Sunghoon started laughing at Sunoo’s exaggerated reaction. “I know, I’m sorry, but listen—”

“No!” Sunoo whined. “That’s so stupid. How can we not have sex? We’re both good at it! Is this why you’ve been rejecting my attempts during our phone calls? Ridiculous! You’re so ridiculous, Park Sunghoon.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Sunghoon apologized again. He managed to clasp Sunoo’s wrist and pull him in for a kiss to shut him up. It was effective, of course, and Sunoo let it linger for a while, knowing now that this was all he was going to get for the next three months.

“We can still cuddle and make out,” Sunghoon clarified. “But like I said, this is beyond physical now, Sunoo.” His arms snaked around Sunoo’s body, and he held him tightly, like he was placating a grumpy kid. “Of course, it’s going to be difficult for me, too. You know your effect on me.”

“Then why make a stupid rule?” Sunoo echoed.

Sunghoon only snickered. “I just want us to prove a point. I want us to prove to each other that this is indeed more than just physical. I want us to explore each other in different ways. I want us to know more about each other’s hobbies, the things we like, the things we don’t like. I want us to try different restaurants or go to the beach. I want us to go shopping and read books. I want us to bask in each other’s presence without having to take our clothes off. I don’t want this relationship to be centered on sex. I want it to focus on us, on our growth together.”

Sunoo hated to admit it, but Sunghoon had a point. And it was a very good one at that. His past partners had seen him merely as an object, a body they could play with. And for the longest time, Sunoo believed that too. He internalized a persona created by other people instead of believing that he was more than just a plaything. Maybe Sunghoon shared the same sentiments, hence the third rule.

But they couldn’t deny that it was going to be fucking hard. No pun intended.

“Just promise me that we can still cuddle and kiss,” Sunoo said with a small voice.

“I promise you that I will cuddle the shit out of you.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Great,” Sunghoon exhaled as if a huge load had been lifted off his shoulders. “Thank you for agreeing to this.”

“Hey, it’d be hypocritical of me if I didn’t agree. I’ve tortured you long enough with the rules I made before.” They both laughed and embraced each other. But Sunoo, being the menace that he was, pushed Sunghoon against the couch and cuddled him like he was a stuffed animal.

He felt Sunghoon kiss the top of his head while his hand roamed Sunoo’s back. His other hand held Sunoo’s, and they stayed like that for a few moments, with the silence filling the air.

“Can I ask you now?” Sunghoon suddenly asked.

Sunoo groaned but lifted his head up to look back at Sunghoon. “What?”

Red colored Sunghoon’s cheeks. “Can I be your boyfriend?”

It wasn’t this domestic the last time someone asked Sunoo this question. In fact, no one had ever asked this question before. He was just invited to their living room and introduced to Hyunjin by his parents. “This is Hyunjin. You will be dating from now on.” And then he just went along with it, fell in love, and had his heart broken.

This time, there was someone who respected him enough to ask for his permission. And it wasn’t done by force or obligation—just merely the human instinct to belong to someone, to want someone. Sunghoon wanted him enough to ask and consider his feelings despite knowing what Sunoo’s answer was going to be. And even if Sunoo had said ‘no,’ he knew that Sunghoon would go out of his way to prove that he deserved a ‘yes.’ Because Sunghoon cared for him. Because Sunghoon respected him. Because Sunghoon saw him for who he really was.

“Yes,” Sunoo answered with tears forming in the corners of his eyes. “Yes,” he repeated. Sunghoon smiled at him as if he had answered the mysteries of the universe. “You’re mine,” Sunoo reiterated.

“Now, who’s possessive?” Sunghoon joked before letting Sunoo take his breath away.

Just as Sunoo had expected, he barely came to his dorm room now that he and Sunghoon were officially a couple. It was just more convenient for him to stay at Sunghoon’s apartment since they had been spending more time together. With the dumb third rule that they had to follow, Sunoo had to make do with all the cuddling he could get from Sunghoon.

But Sunoo was only human with carnal desires. When he felt like everything was too much, he went back to his dorm room and fantasized about his boyfriend for a few hours. His excuse was that he needed to focus on a very important assignment and needed someplace quiet for it. Sunghoon would always nod in understanding because he usually had late meetings for his thesis or got quite loud when he played video games.

Sunoo felt a bit guilty about his white lie, but it would be too embarrassing to tell Sunghoon about his masturbatory activities. Right then and there, he was breaking rule number one.

He was sure Sunghoon would understand once he confessed to it in the future. But for now, he squeezed his eyes shut and let himself get lost in pleasure.

After a few days together, they had fallen into a sort of domestic routine.

Sunghoon always woke up early to work out at the gym. Sunoo opted to sleep in a bit more. But he always woke up to the smell of breakfast being served in the kitchen. Sunghoon would wrap his arms around Sunoo and kiss his sleepy eyes before sharing the food he had cooked for the day. Sunghoon drove them to campus and kissed him goodbye as they went to their respective classes. After that, they worked on their research project, with Sunoo starting to mentor Minji.

The freshman was definitely a genius. She quickly learned the ropes of their project and was also smart enough to turn a blind eye whenever she caught Sunghoon and Sunoo being a little too touchy at work. They promised to keep it to a minimum, but Sunghoon always looked so good with his glasses on that being physically distant from him felt like torture.

Most of the time, Sunghoon cooked dinner too. But since he had been busy with a lot of things now that he was in his senior year, they would order takeout. They made it a habit to dine out every Friday night before Sunoo left for the weekend. They were trying different restaurants and cuisines around the city and pretended like they were food critics.

There were times when Sunoo excused himself to have dinner or lunch with Jungwon. It turned out that Jungwon could be a chatterbox when it came to his sex life, but Sunoo just humored him because his best friend needed the support. He felt like it was also Jungwon’s payback after all the sexcapades he had shared with him before. It didn’t make it any less awkward to look at Jay during their Saturday brunches, though.

Other times, Sunghoon would be the one to skip out on dinner. He met up with his friends for drinks. He’d always invite Sunoo, but the latter would always decline.

“I hope you get to meet my friends, too,” Sunghoon had said to him one time.

“I will. When the right time comes,” Sunoo always assured. Sunghoon respected his boundaries and didn’t push. He’d get home drunk sometimes and be a little bit more cuddly with Sunoo, which Sunoo never turned down.

On their first Valentine’s together, they went out to eat overpriced steak on a yacht. They both hated it but laughed it off afterward. Then they stargazed at Namsan Tower and kissed beneath the stars. They kissed a lot more when they got to Sunghoon’s apartment, their hands wandering around each other’s bodies until they reached the bedroom.

Call it muscle memory or a force of habit or an addiction that was difficult to let go of, but they almost broke rule number three that night. Sunghoon’s hard-on was apparent against Sunoo’s thigh, even if he looked like he was in pain from holding back his desires.

“Just a little bit, hyung?” Sunoo tried to convince him with the sultriest voice he could muster. He could see and feel Sunghoon almost break. “Please?” But Sunghoon’s resolve was tougher, and he only kissed Sunoo on the lips before letting him go.

“You’re so beautiful, Sunoo. But not tonight.”

Sunoo almost ripped his hair out then, but later on, he realized it was for the greater good. All of this would be worth it in the end. Sunghoon held him so close that night until they fell asleep.

“You’re glowing, hyung,” Jungwon says, eyeing Sunoo, who is trying on new clothes. It’s been a while since they last went shopping together. Jungwon had insisted—they’re going on a trip later that month to celebrate his birthday, and he wanted to look nice for Jay. Sunoo had just tagged along and ended up buying new stuff for himself.

“New skincare routine?” Jungwon asks.

Sunoo thinks for a second. Aside from the face masks that Sunghoon gifted him on Valentine’s Day, nothing has really changed. He gives his best friend a shrug before looking at himself in the mirror. The blue cardigan looks nice on him. It makes his skin look healthier. Maybe that’s what Jungwon’s been noticing.

“Come to think of it, you’ve been less bitchy since the break.”

Sunoo frowns at Jungwon’s word choice. His best friend chuckles and puts his hands up in defense.

“I just mean you seem to be in a good mood lately. You don’t look as intimidating anymore. Well, you still do—but only because you’re always so serious about schoolwork.”

“I could say the same about you,” Sunoo says while taking the cardigan off and adding it to the growing pile of clothes he’s curated. “Jay’s been treating you well, I suppose?”

Jungwon blushes—typical—but nods.

“He’s just perfect, hyung. I must’ve saved the country in a past life to have landed a man like him. He always takes care of me. He knows how to adjust to what I like and don’t like. I’m just… head over heels.”

“It’s weird hearing you admit that. You’re such a simp.”

“Oh, come on,” Jungwon groans. “Can’t I be in love?”

Sunoo scoffs and ruffles Jungwon’s hair like he’s a kid. If anyone deserves to be in love, it’s Jungwon. He has so much to give, and it reassures Sunoo to know Jay reciprocates it.

“How about you, hyung?” Jungwon asks again. “Have you sorted things out with that guy?”

His research project.

Sunoo takes a moment. Jungwon waits patiently.

Everything’s been going well with Sunghoon lately. No real arguments—just minor disagreements over cereal or ice cream choices, which they always make up for with cuddles and kisses. Honestly, it’s disgustingly sweet. But Sunoo loves every bit of it. Sometimes, he just wants to let someone know how happy he is.

So… why not take a chance?

“Yes, actually,” Sunoo says carefully.

Jungwon’s shock is immediate, his eyes wide.

“What?! Since when? You didn’t even tell me?”

Sunoo purses his lips in guilt.

“I was just being careful. It’s not like I didn’t want to tell you—I was just waiting for the right time, testing the waters. It wasn’t a decision I made on a whim. You know how things ended last time. I didn’t want to get too giddy too soon… but I also didn’t want to hide it.”

He pauses.

“I’m just…”

“Happy?” Jungwon offers gently.

Sunoo smiles. Yes. Sunghoon makes him happy. Every little thing about him and their relationship brings joy. He feels like he's becoming a better version of himself.

He nods.

Jungwon pulls him into a hug. “I’m so happy for you, hyung. Really. I know it’s been hard for you to open your heart again, but I’m glad you did.”

Sunoo hugs him back. “Thank you, Jungwon.”

“Do your parents know?”

“Not yet,” Sunoo says. “I trust you not to tell them. I’ll let them know when the time is right.”

“Of course,” Jungwon assures. “I respect your wishes.”

When Sunoo gets home, Sunghoon is on the couch watching National Geographic.

Nerd, Sunoo thinks fondly.

They greet each other with a kiss and recap their day. Somehow, Sunoo convinces Sunghoon to do skincare with him. Sunghoon is hesitant at first but sits patiently as Sunoo smooths out the thin sheet mask on his face.

Sunoo giggles at the sight—Sunghoon’s hair pushed back with a pink headband, the green paste making him look like a personified kiwi. He’s careful not to touch his long lashes.

“Jungwon and Jay-hyung are going to Switzerland at the end of the month for Jungwon’s birthday,” Sunoo recalls. “We already threw a party at their house, but I guess Jay-hyung wanted to do something extra.”

“Yeah, Jay’s always been thoughtful like that. Good thing he was born with money,” Sunghoon adds, making Sunoo laugh.

“They look good together.”

“They do,” Sunoo agrees.

He bites his lip, remembering his earlier conversation with Jungwon. He considers brushing it off—but he’s been working on communication, ever since Sunghoon emphasized rule number one. This is something worth sharing.

“I haven’t told you this,” Sunoo begins, “but Jungwon knew I’d been sleeping with someone since last year… you. But he didn’t know it was you.”

Sunghoon snorts.

“He also knew we hit a rough patch at the end of the semester. When he asked about it earlier this year, I told him it was complicated, that we were working on it.” He pauses, swallowing. “He asked about it again today. Wanted to know if we’d figured things out.”

Sunghoon peels one eye open and looks at him with curiosity.

“Well… I told him we did. And that you’re my boyfriend now.”

Sunghoon’s eyes widen, a mix of surprise and delight. He pulls Sunoo into his lap, arms around his waist.

“Aww, sweetheart—you really told him?” He’s beaming, glowing even. Sunoo doesn’t want to take that joy away from him. He wants Sunghoon to smile like this more often.

“Yes,” Sunoo says again, wrapping his arms around Sunghoon’s shoulders. “It felt right. Jungwon’s my best friend. I trust him with my life—and with this happiness I’ve found. So, there’s no point in hiding it.”

Sunghoon looks at him with adoration and kisses him, paste and all. Sunoo giggles and wipes the residue from his cheek.

“Thank you, sweetheart. It really means a lot.”

“I’m sorry it took so long.”

Sunghoon shakes his head. “All in your own time. I’m just happy you’re regaining your confidence.”

“I’m happy too. Really.” Sunoo plays with Sunghoon’s hair, casually throwing out the next question.

“Did you tell your friends you’ve been seeing someone?”

Sunghoon chuckles and nods slightly.

“They kept bugging me to introduce you, but I told them I’d do it when the time was right.”

“Thank you, hyung. For respecting my boundaries.”

“I’m not in a rush,” Sunghoon says. “Besides, I like this ‘private but not secret’ thing we have. It gives us time to enjoy each other without pressure.”

Much like Jungwon, Sunoo is starting to believe that he must’ve done something good in a past life to deserve this kind of happiness. He wishes they could stay like this—frozen in time, wrapped up in their own little bubble.

Life has a funny way of circling back to the past that Sunoo had spent years running away from. For him, it happened on a random Tuesday night at 8 PM in the most random place—the movie theatre.

One of Sunoo and Sunghoon’s domestic routines now included going to the movies from time to time. Sunoo didn’t particularly have a fascination with movies, but Sunghoon had been geeking out over all the superhero features lately. Sunoo indulged him, especially because seeing Sunghoon’s childlike wonder made his heart swell.

“I’ll take a leak,” Sunghoon whispered to him before jogging to the restroom. They still had approximately fifteen minutes before the doors opened for the second screening of yet another Marvel movie that Sunoo would silently sit through.

Sunoo stood in the corner, eating popcorn from their gigantic bucket, and patiently waited for his boyfriend to come back. But then someone called out his name.

“Sunoo?”

Before he could look up to see who it was, his body immediately froze—like a second instinct kicking in. He hadn’t felt this in a long time—cold sweat running down his back, legs frozen, fingers shaking.

It was a repressed sensation, yet it felt like everything came flooding back again. And when he finally looked up to meet eyes with Hyunjin, the flood became a tsunami that consumed him.

“Sunoo,” Hyunjin said again. He was smiling. Smiling so innocently—like the way he used to charm Sunoo out of his wits. Smiling like the years of agony Sunoo had gone through were done in vain.

Those years were nothing to Hyunjin, when they were everything that had built and crushed Sunoo.

“It’s been a while,” Hyunjin continued as Sunoo stood still like a statue.

Sunoo’s eyes were drawn toward Hyunjin’s face. His hair was shorter now, dyed a dark shade of brown. His jawline was more prominent with age, but he looked just as innocent as when he had denied his affair.

Sunoo saw a faint shine out of the corner of his eye—Hyunjin’s wedding ring. He forced himself not to look at it because it was a confirmation that perhaps Hyunjin was meant to cheat on him. Maybe Sunoo was meant to be left alone, grasping at straws and never really knowing why all the worst things happened to him.

He’d like to think that the past was behind him now. He’d like to pretend that Hyunjin was just another person who held little significance to him. But he wasn’t a hypocrite.

He could feel his heart breaking all over again. His fingers started to shake as reality dawned on him—Hyunjin was right in front of him, so unaffected, greeting him like an old friend. His blood rushed, and a plethora of vile words threatened to break free from his throat. But before he could form a coherent thought, a warm touch brought him back to earth.

Half of Hyunjin became concealed by the towering figure of Sunghoon. Sunoo couldn’t see Sunghoon’s face yet, but there was an air of seriousness about him—a rarity to witness.

“Excuse me, can I help you?” Sunghoon’s voice seemed to drop an octave as he used his body to shield Sunoo from Hyunjin.

Sunoo inhaled sharply and saw the way Hyunjin’s eyes flickered from Sunghoon’s protective hand over Sunoo back to Sunghoon’s face. He looked astonished, a bit taken aback. Sunoo wondered why. In that split second, he wondered if the thought of him moving on from Hyunjin seemed absurd to the latter.

Hyunjin smiled with a hint of nervousness and surprise. He took a step back. “No, it’s alright.” He looked at Sunoo once again, prompting Sunghoon to hold his hand a bit tighter. “It’s nice seeing you, Sunoo. Really.” Then Hyunjin left.

Sunoo let out a sigh of relief and willed his hands to stop shaking so as not to let Sunghoon overreact, but it was too late. Sunghoon’s arm was around his waist, while his other hand cupped his cheek. “Are you alright?”

Sunoo’s throat ached, so he nodded instead.

“Do you want to go home? It’s fine if you don’t want to see the movie,” Sunghoon said.

Sunoo bit his lip. Sunghoon had been so excited to see this new feature. But at the same time, he couldn’t promise his boyfriend his full attention, knowing that his ex was sitting just a few rows away from them. A few seconds later, he decided that he just wanted to go home, hoped to sleep the night away, and forget that all of this had happened.

Why now? Why this night?

To his surprise, Sunoo did not cry. He had really thought he would, given the fact that he saw his ex for the first time in a very long while. He thought the tsunami of emotions inside him would physically spill out of his body—but it didn’t. He just sat on the couch, feeling too much and feeling nothing at the same time. At some point, he didn’t feel real. He felt like his body wasn’t his, but the pressure of Sunghoon’s arms and chest against him felt solid. Sunghoon felt real.

Sunghoon is real.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sunghoon whispered against his hair.

What was there left to say? The years of agony he had faced to get over Hyunjin felt draining. It had left him feeling like nothing—until he met Sunghoon.

Now, he was something to someone.

He had a reason to wake up each day knowing that Sunghoon would kiss him good morning and make him breakfast. He had grown more passionate with his work because Sunghoon’s own dreams inspired him. He wasn’t just a floating speck of dust.

Sunoo is real. And he matters to someone. He matters to himself.

Sunoo slowly looked up at his lover and kissed Sunghoon gently on the lips. It didn’t take long for the latter to reciprocate, until their limbs tangled with each other, until their lips grew bruised. And then Sunoo mustered up the words he had been dying to say with every exhale.

“Make love to me,” he whispered again.

Sunghoon was nothing but an obedient servant, and his only master was his lover.

Everything was slow. The clothes coming off their bodies. The touches that explored their skin. The quiet breaths of pleasure shared between them.

Sunoo chuckled when Sunghoon attempted to open his legs without breaking their kiss, but soon it was replaced with a long sigh as his lover let two digits enter him.

Everything was real. Sunghoon’s curses and words of devotion. The way Sunghoon’s tongue and teeth painted pictures on Sunoo’s flesh. The heat in their bellies and the fullness in between their legs.

The bed frame creaked. Sunoo’s hands tangled in his boyfriend’s hair. They glistened with sweat. Sunghoon groaned in throes of pleasure. Their skin slapped loudly against each other. Sunoo tightened his legs around Sunghoon’s waist.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Fuck, I love you.”

“I love you.”

“You’re mine.”

“I’m yours.”

“More. Please. Harder. Faster.”

“Don’t stop.”

“I love you.”

“Please.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Don’t leave me.”

They reached their peaks together, letting the heat between their bodies meld into one, letting themselves absorb each other like two stars colliding into a supernova. Beautiful, dangerous, eternal.

Sunoo finally cried. But not because he wept for his past self. He didn’t cry because of the pitiful experiences he had faced just to feel like he was worthy of love.

He let his tears roll down his cheeks because finally, he didn’t have to have a reason to be loved.

“I will never leave you,” Sunghoon whispered against his ear as they both came down from the high.

He just needed to exist.

Chapter Text

It took exactly nine months and two days of dating before Sunoo had the guts to face his parents and come clean about his relationship. He knew that they were somewhat getting an idea that he was seeing someone because, no matter how much of a secret keeper Jungwon was, his facial expressions always tended to betray him. And Sunoo’s parents weren’t dense. They knew when something was up, especially when it came to their son’s dating life.

There was no reason to hide it anyway. Jungwon and Jay knew soon after Sunoo confessed to his best friend that he had a boyfriend. They had multiple double dates, and their Saturday brunches had become a comfortable routine.

Sunghoon also introduced Sunoo to his friends. His old buddies from the swim team taught Sunoo how to swim during their planned beach trip. Whether or not Sunoo was successful in learning is a different story. He never had an interest in swimming and was only there to see his boyfriend in speedos.

The whole campus knew that they were dating. They held hands whenever they were in each other’s presence, and their professors seemed to really like the fact that their two brilliant students were together.

If a lot of people seemed to think that they were a good match, Sunoo’s parents definitely wouldn’t disagree.

So Sunoo invited Sunghoon to one of their family dinners. He could still remember how nervous Sunghoon was in the days leading up to their formal meetup, but once he was settled at the dinner table, he used his usual Park Sunghoon charm to make his mother laugh and even exchanged a few jokes with his dad. It was no doubt a success, which annoyed Sunoo because now his father was bugging him about possible wedding plans.

“I’m sorry about my dad,” Sunoo said whenever Dr. Kim let them know about the best seasons to get married. “He’s delusional.”

Sunghoon laughed. “I think it’s cute that he’s so sure that we’ll end up with each other.”

Sunoo raised an eyebrow. “Why? Are you having doubts?”

Sunghoon sighed. He didn’t waste a minute to go to Sunoo, cage his boyfriend in his arms, and crush him in a tight hug. “Of course not,” he said with a kiss. “I’ve never been more sure of you in my entire life.”

And though Sunoo blushed and got used to the domestic life that they had been sharing, a reality check came during winter break.

Sunghoon was going back to his family home, to their farm, and invited Sunoo to meet his family.

That decision was not made lightly. Even though Sunoo’s parents accepted them wholeheartedly, Sunghoon’s family had some reservations. Sunghoon said that his mom understood him more than his father. But he didn’t elaborate on that. He sometimes talked about the things he did at the farm and how his mother didn’t like his father’s toy car collection, but nothing about his relationship with them on a deeper level.

Sunoo didn’t push. But he accepted the invitation and hoped that getting to know Sunghoon’s parents would lift some weight off his boyfriend’s shoulders.

They arrive at the Parks’ residence on the afternoon of Christmas Eve. They were supposed to arrive two days earlier, but it was obvious that Sunghoon had been drawing out their stay in the city longer than expected. His excuse was their research project, which they barely looked over once the break started, but Sunoo didn’t call him out.

It was about a two-hour drive, and there was a clear border between the city and the countryside. The wide snow-covered fields welcomed them as a Christmas tune played on Sunghoon’s car radio.

Sunoo glances at Sunghoon’s blank face. He could only imagine the million thoughts racing through his boyfriend’s mind. All he can do is hold his hand over the console and smile at him when Sunghoon looks at him in surprise.

They don’t need words to say “I love you” to each other. They don’t need to open their mouths to say “It’s okay.” Sunghoon sighs and relaxes in his seat until they reach his family’s home.

It is a simple two-storey house with chipping paint and a faint smell of manure wafting in the air. There are children playing on the front porch and an obvious bustle coming from inside the house.

Sunoo holds Sunghoon’s hand once more as they walk toward the front of the house, but two kids instantly crash into Sunghoon. They are about nine years old—Yeji and Riki, the twins. The sight of Sunghoon playing with his siblings makes Sunoo chuckle to himself. He knew that the younger ones were into roughhousing, but maybe not this rough.

When they all settle down, Sunghoon turns to Sunoo and gestures for him to move closer to them. The kids look at Sunoo with curiosity.

“Uhm, guys, this is my—” he chokes. Sunoo knows that it’s not going to be easy for him to come out to his siblings, especially not the younger ones who may not have any idea what their relationship is like.

Sunoo takes the reins and squats until he’s eye level with the kids. “Hi, I’m Sunoo,” he says with a smile. “You’re Yeji and Riki, right?” The kids nod. “Well, I have two lollipops here. Lemon and strawberry.” He procures the candy from his jacket pocket and presents them to the kids. Instantly, their eyes sparkle like Christmas lights. “Which one would you like?” Yeji takes the strawberry, Riki goes for the lemon.

And just like that, the tension settles, and the kids start running inside the house like nothing happened.

Sunoo stands beside Sunghoon once again and squeezes his gloved hand. “Relax. We’ve got this.”

Sunghoon smiles at him and sneaks a quick kiss on the cheek before braving the rest of the day.

Dinner is awkward, but not in the way that makes Sunoo want to peel the skin off his face or hide in a hole for twelve years. It’s awkward in the way all family gatherings are awkward.

Sunghoon’s aunts keep pushing food toward him, saying that he’s gotten thinner since the last time they saw him. And of course, Sunoo is offered food too, along with a few questions about how he keeps his skin looking so smooth and youthful. The uncles are loud as they bet on whatever sports are being televised. Some of them have already started drinking, and Sunoo is offered a few glasses, which he declines politely. The kids keep running inside the house, causing havoc.

They can’t escape the knowing looks. A few of the guests stare and whisper among themselves whenever they walk past Sunoo and Sunghoon. But it’s bearable, since Sunghoon’s mom is nothing but smiles toward him, and Sunghoon’s siblings are getting more comfortable with calling him “hyung” and “oppa.” At the end of the day, the others really don’t matter anyway. He just has to impress Sunghoon’s parents.

Sunoo just needs to get Sunghoon’s dad’s approval.

That’s the more challenging feat, since Sunghoon’s dad is with the uncles and barely makes eye contact with him when they enter the house. During lunch, he sits at the head of the table and ignores Sunghoon and Sunoo altogether, talking more to his wife and their guests. But it’s fine, Sunoo thinks. They’ll have plenty of time to talk later.

“Hey, Hoon-ah,” one of the drunk uncles calls out. “You have to introduce your cousin Joonho to someone in the city!” The drunk uncle pulls in Joonho, Sunghoon’s cousin who is a few years younger than him. “He’s dying to have a girlfriend, and no one here wants to take him!” The uncles all laugh loudly while Joonho hides his reddening face in his hands.

“I’m sure you know lots of pretty ladies,” another drunk uncle chimes in. “You really shouldn’t keep them to yourself. Introduce your cousins to them!”

Sunoo’s first thought is, Oh, they don’t know. He can feel Sunghoon freezing up beside him at the insinuation, but he quickly places his hand on top of Sunghoon’s under the table. Sunghoon’s eyes quickly flick to him, his jaw set straight with a dull fire burning behind his eyes.

Soon, Sunoo can’t escape the weight of the guests’ stares. Those who know look at him in embarrassment. Those who don’t wait for him to join in the jibes. Sunoo meets Mrs. Park’s gaze. She looks apologetic, embarrassed, and angry all at once. Mr. Park looks all the more stoic.

“Sunoo-ssi is pretty,” Jo, Sunghoon’s sixteen-year-old brother, says nonchalantly while keeping his eyes on his plate.

Sunoo feels like something has struck him in the chest. He fights the urge to tear up then and there, because who would have thought that Sunghoon’s quiet and reserved brother—who he doesn’t really get along with that much—would be the one to indirectly defend them both?

Silence lingers at the table, and some of the aunties laugh it off.

“Yeah, I mean, look at his cheeks. They’re so soft, like rice cakes. You really should tell us what you do to keep your skin healthy.”

“Leave the kids alone,” Mrs. Park says. “Here, stuff your faces with shrimp.”

The original plan was to stay at the Parks’ until three days before New Year to spend time with the Kims. But with the awkward tension in the household, Sunoo and Sunghoon decided it was best not to push their limits and planned to leave the next afternoon.

In the meantime, they would spend the rest of the night in Sunghoon and Jo’s shared room. Jo had moved temporarily to the twins’ room.

Sunoo tries to fix the bedding, but it’s obvious that Sunghoon is distracted. He’s staring into space, making Sunoo grow concerned.

“Hyung? Are you okay?”

Sunghoon snaps back to reality and hides his distraction in a cough. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

He isn’t fine. Sunoo can tell. So he catches Sunghoon’s hand and leads him toward the foot of the bed. He pats the space beside him, urging his boyfriend to sit down. “Is it about earlier today? Do you want to talk about it?”

Sunghoon runs his fingers through his hair and takes a long breath, as if to calm himself. “I’m weak.”

“What do you mean?”

“I couldn’t… I couldn’t even tell my siblings that you’re my boyfriend.”

Sunoo wouldn’t lie—it did hurt a bit. For someone who didn’t want to hide their relationship, it felt like Sunghoon was making excuses just to save face. But that thought quickly vanished when Sunoo reminded himself that their families were complete opposites. They lived different lives, held different views, and that was out of their control. Sunghoon was doing his best to be a good boyfriend, but he was also doing his best to be a good son.

Sunoo holds Sunghoon’s hand tightly. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” Sunghoon counters. “I love you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But I’m so weak. I’m such a coward that I can’t even say that to the people who matter most to me. I’m so… Fuck.”

Sunoo pulls Sunghoon into his arms and lets him rest on his shoulder. He can feel the burdens weighing on Sunghoon, and though he can’t guarantee that he can lift them, the least he can do is carry them with him.

“I’m not ashamed of you. I’m not ashamed of what we are. But why couldn’t I just say that we’re together? Why couldn’t I just come out and defend you?”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.”

“It’s not the right time.”

Silence.

Then Sunoo gently pushes Sunghoon back to look at him, holds his cheek, and tries to let him know that everything’s alright. “You’ve been so patient with me, hyung. You waited for me to be ready to sort out all my shit. What makes you think I won’t do the same for you?”

Sunghoon purses his lips.

“I love you, hyung. So much,” Sunoo says again. “I’m happy that I’m here with you right now. But if you’re not ready to face your family the way you want to, that’s completely fine. And I will wait with you—even if it takes years. I promise.”

They embrace, basking in each other’s warmth. They remind each other that despite all the challenges ahead, the most important thing is that they will face them together. And that is more than enough.

Sunghoon excuses himself to wash up before bed, while Sunoo continues fixing the bedding.

A moment later, someone knocks on the door. It’s Jo.

“Mom said to bring extra blankets because it might get even colder later,” he says bluntly.

Sunoo nods and tells him to leave them on the chair. Jo does so quickly and heads for the door, but Sunoo stops him.

“Jo-ssi.” Jo pauses, one hand on the doorknob, though he doesn’t turn around. “Thank you for earlier,” Sunoo says. “I know that you know about Sunghoon-hyung and me. And I appreciate what you said.”

“I didn’t do it for Sunghoon-hyung,” Jo replies so quietly that Sunoo almost doesn’t catch it. “I just thought you were pretty.”

“Oh.”

Without another word, Jo quickly exits the room.

Perhaps, despite the fact that Sunghoon and Jo don’t get along, they might be more alike than they’d like to admit.

It was almost 2 AM when Sunoo randomly woke up, feeling parched. He slowly slipped out of bed so as not to wake Sunghoon and made his way downstairs to the kitchen. But as he reached the foot of the stairs, he noticed that the kitchen light was on.

There, at the counter, was Mr. Park tinkering with one of his scale model cars. Sunoo knew nothing about cars, but he recognized that it looked like a smaller version of the one Sunghoon drove.

Mr. Park paused and slowly looked up at him. He stared for a moment, then returned to his work without saying a word.

“I’ll just get a glass of water,” Sunoo said quietly. No response.

He robotically picked up a glass from the cupboard and turned on the tap. From behind, he could see the weary slope of Mr. Park’s shoulders—evidence of years of farming. His hands, undoubtedly calloused from work, still handled the model car with delicate precision. A shelf in the living room displayed his collection—most out of their boxes, old, but well taken care of.

Sunoo wished he knew more about Mr. Park’s hobby. It could’ve been a good point of conversation. A missed opportunity, but maybe he could still try.

After finishing the water, he walked a few steps closer to the counter, summoning the courage to speak.

“Um… Thank you, Mr. Park, for inviting me to your home this holiday. I really appre—”

“I didn’t invite you,” Mr. Park cut him off. His tone mirrored Jo’s, and in this light, Sunoo could clearly see the resemblance between the father and his two sons.

“Right,” Sunoo mumbled, deflated. “Well, still. I appreciate you letting me stay. It was nice meeting the whole family.”

Still, silence. Mr. Park squinted down at the model, poking at the headlights as though Sunoo wasn’t even there.

Sunoo wanted to just give up and go back upstairs, but something in him wouldn’t let it go. He needed to say it—needed Mr. Park to hear it, even if he said nothing back.

“Look, Mr. Park, I know you don’t like me.” He saw Mr. Park’s fingers falter—but it could’ve been a trick of the light. “And maybe you’ll never accept me or my relationship with your son. But I… I love Sunghoon-hyung,” Sunoo said, voice trembling. “He…”

He swallowed down the lump in his throat and pressed on.

“He changed me. I thought I wasn’t capable of love, but he proved me wrong. He cares for me, deeply—and I care for him just as much. He’s important to me. And because he’s important, I want to love and be loved by the people who matter to him. That includes his family. That includes you.”

This time, Mr. Park stopped. He put down the model car and sat upright. His lips were pressed into a line—just like Sunghoon’s whenever he was listening intently.

“He may not say it, or show it all the time, but he’s always craving your approval. So if you can’t accept me, if you can’t return the appreciation I have for you, I hope that at the very least, you can love Sunghoon-hyung the way he wants to be loved. Wholly.”

Sunoo had no idea if any of that got through to him. Mr. Park’s face was unreadable, stoic as ever. Sunoo stood there awkwardly, not sure how to end the conversation without looking like he was running away. But then he remembered something—the gift.

He walked quickly to the Christmas tree and searched for the small box labeled “Mr. Park.” Once he found it, he brought it back and gently placed it on the counter.

“Sunghoon-hyung wanted to give you this a long time ago but couldn’t afford it,” Sunoo said. “So I got it for you instead. It’s the least I could do to show my appreciation.”

Mr. Park glanced subtly at the box but didn’t touch it.

“Merry Christmas, Mr. Park,” Sunoo said, and with that, he walked back upstairs and slipped into Sunghoon’s arms, seeking comfort for his pounding heart.

Inside the box was a BMW 2002 scale model—the same one Mr. Park had always dreamed of owning when he was younger. But growing up in poverty meant sticking to a rusty old truck that could haul farm goods, not chasing after dreams. He’d once wanted the scale model too, but even that was too expensive.

No one knew that he wept quietly that night as he cradled the tiny car in his hands.

And only years later would it sit on a separate shelf that looked more expensive than the rest—kept in mint condition—beside Sunghoon’s diploma and a wedding picture.