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Part 1 of A Goose and an Elderly Walked Into a Bar: The Start of a Joke that is Life
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Reincarnation and Transmigration, Favorite Fics That I Hoard, Favourite SI and Reincarnated OC Fics, Things to fuel my escapism., Quality Fics, to read later cuz no space in google, uzen: i like this a Normal amount
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Published:
2022-02-04
Updated:
2024-01-25
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46/?
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The Downside of Paradise: It's Actually a Shitty Place

Summary:

Within the city of Freedom, born from an impoverished couple is a hapless babe, named after a place not many can reach in hopes of the child reaching the place of its namesake.

Celestia Mongoose. Or to the general public, Tia Goose.

Tia, for the most part is a normal child, playing with the other children, getting into trouble with the other children, and doing what any child would do to pass their days. A normal little girl with a bright smile and charming personality shining under the ratty and patched up clothes she wears. Except for her hot red hair ribbon that somehow looked brand new everyday despite the girl owning it since everyone can remember. Adults love her politeness and children finds her the most fun to play with.

or

Named after the floating island in hopes of reaching the place, Celestia "Tia" Mongoose longs for a normal life in this new world. Too bad Fate seems to test her at every turn.

Notes:

Hello!! This is my first fic here on Ao3! Please be patient with me as I figure out how tagging works!
Please enjoy my shoddy creation and please be kind in the comments, I am nothing but a fragile victorian babe made out of porcelain and has pink shells for ears.

and of course, just for clarification, Tia is a child physically, roughly the same age as Timmie. Her mind however, is old.

Chapter 1: In The Beginning: In Which a Child is Born

Chapter Text

Within the city of Freedom, born from an impoverished couple is a hapless babe, named after a place not many can reach in hopes of the child reaching the place of its namesake.

Celestia Mongoose. Or to the general public, Tia Goose.

 Tia, for the most part is a normal child, playing with the other children, getting into trouble with the other children, and doing what any child would do to pass their days. A normal little girl with a bright smile and charming personality shining under the ratty and patched up clothes she wears. Except for her hot red hair ribbon that somehow looked brand new everyday despite the girl owning it since everyone can remember. Adults love her politeness and children finds her the most fun to play with.

She, however knew the truth about herself. Celestia Mongoose has never been a child and will never be. With a mind and comprehension of an adult, she frequents the library Miss Lisa handles and has her own library card and more than half of the books in the library under her belt, the librarian has once offered to give her a letter of recommendation to her alma mater in Sumeru.

Tia declined, of course. High academic standing would only lead to troubles and troubles meant that she’ll be bothered and that’s not what she desired with her little heart. No, not at all.

“Are you sure, sweetie?” Miss Lisa asked for the hundredth time as the two of them sat together, dainty porcelain teacups in each of their hands, snacks on the table, and stacks of books around the two of them. “This is a one in a lifetime opportunity.”

“I know, Miss Lisa.” Tia nods, her hair ribbon bouncing at the action, making the Librarian coo at the sight. “But I know I’m not good enough for Academia especially in Sumeru.”

“My my, how humble~” Miss Lisa then sighs fondly. “That humility of yours would do Sumeru Academia wonders, Archon knows some of them needs it.” She then placed her hand on her cheek. “But I fear that they would gobble you up. Ah~ choices, choices.”

Tia let out a small tinkling giggle. “Miss Lisa shouldn’t worry; this Little Goose shan’t fly away from its nest in the Land of Freedom no matter the season or reason.”

The Librarian smiles at the child. “How sweet of you to accompany little old me here, Little cutie.”

Their little tea party ended in soft goodbyes and sweet smiles with the promise of seeing each other next time. Whenever that may be.

 

And so, Tia continued to live her days in bliss. Playing with other children, doing little tasks for the adults (gotta start the hustle young) and visiting the library to have tea parties with Miss Lisa whenever the Librarian is free.

The days were idyllic and boring, just like she wanted. No plagues, no wars, no nothing! Just a good old gentle breeze (thanks to the Anemo Archon Barbitabos) and soft sunshine.

 

Tia should’ve known that all good things eventually come to an end and all idyllic days were just a way of the Universe to lull someone into false tranquility before whipping out the “interesting times” for the people to live through.

Tia doesn’t know how bored a dragon must be to try and wreck a whole city but this blue one just did and Tia could do nothing but stare as she watched her home (and subsequently, her parents) get wrecked by the same wind that blessed the lands by the city’s walls.

Staring at her wrecked house in the small corner of the city as the Knights of Favonius and the Adventurer’s Guild conducted a joint excavation, Tia couldn’t help but stare at the pale hand of her mother in this life. Her mother’s thin and pale hand sticking out of the rubble of their home as her father howled as he cried beside her, his legs nothing but stumps. He called mother’s name over and over again, wishing she would crawl out of the rubble and hug the two of them, whispering that she’s alright and that not even death can hold her back from coming back to the two of them.

This time however, Death did hold mother back.

It was no surprise to Tia that her father swiftly followed her mother into the arms of Death. He has always been dependent on mother but Tia wonders…

How did Papa hang himself that high? He has stumps for legs, doesn’t he?

 

With much love and pity from the people of Mondstadt, Tia Goose has been transferred under the care of the Church and lived with them.

The repetitive prayers and hymns for a God she never particularly cared about made Tia’s ears ring. Give praise this, give praise that. Blessed be this, blessed be that. It was all so suffocating.

One life with religion fanatics is good enough, thank you very much.

So, Tia decided to find work for herself that would keep her away from the church as often and as long as possible.

“Apologies, Little Goose.” Cyrus says as he squats down to her level, a hand on her shoulder that squeezed it ever so gently despite the bulging muscles and tough exterior of the seasoned adventurer. “You are much too young to be an Adventurer. You should go and play with the other kiddies around, not worry about work until you’re old enough.” He’s upset about Tia looking for work but he understands. After all, he’s one of the people who excavated her mother from the rubble and was one of the few people who help her lower her father’s body from the beams of their temporary home.

“I understand.” Tia mumbles before giving the seasoned adventurer a pat on his shoulder. “don’t feel bad Old Man Cyrus, you’ll look older than you already are.”

The old man ruffled her hair extra hard for that.

With her job hunt (despite only going to the adventurer’s guild) ending in a rejection, Tia couldn’t help but sigh as she trekked towards the Library to read some books to forget the disappointment she felt that day and maybe exchange greetings with the Librarian before letting herself get lost in the sea of words and letters before a thought popped into her head.

“If nobody wants to employ me, why don’t I work for myself?”