Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jay surveyed the room in silence.

It was a small dorm, as expected, (as she'd paid for), with two beds on either side. They were seperated by a thin blue curtain, barely hanging off the silver railing.

Two beds. A dorm for two people.

So where the fuck was her roommate?

Loud footsteps echoed behind her. Her father had come to see the dorm with her, at his insistence. She swore internally; if it was her father's fault she didn't have a roommate this year, she was going to rip that old man to shreds herself.

"Looks like it's just you." A deep, familiar voice spoke. Jay tensed as he got closer, but refused to look at the burly man behind her. Ignoring him wouldn't hold him for long however. It was just a matter of time-

"Or they're as late as you were." His meaty hand met with Jay's shoulder and she tensed even further, as if that would do her any good.

So her father didn't know what was going on either. That was... a relief to say the least. If he was messing her life up, even here, even once she was free-

"Well, I'll leave you to it, my phoenix." Thick muzzled hair landed on her cheek as he bent down to give her a kiss before his footsteps once again echoed from where they had came. She heard the door shut. Loudly.

Jay finally sighed, letting the tension out. She knew her father could come back any minute, but for now, she was safe.

And without a roommate.

Well, she could tackle that another day. For now-

Jay whipped out her phone from the layers of jumpers she had stacked on herself. It was a simple hiding place, but so unique that her father hadn't even bothered looking there. And so, she'd managed to hide her phone from her father. And by extension, hide Chip.

"How's it going so far????" A notification from the devil himself. Her highschool friend hadn't changed much, and at least they weren't losing contact instantly. That was a concern of hers, even now.

Jay typed up a quick, "Good. Dad finally left. God, I'd pay to never see him again." She quickly sunk into the covers of the left bed. If her roommate wanted it, they'd have to get here quicker. That reminded her...

"Don't have a roommate."

Chips messaging icon appeared and disappeared a few times. "That's weird... Do you have to pay more, or whatever?"

Jay frowned. "If they make me pay more, I'll murder them with my own bare hands."

Another notification from Chip. "How is the room btw?"

She put the phone down and surveyed the room herself. Aside from the curtain, there wasn't much else to say. Surprisingly empty, to be expected, she guessed.

A small window sat between the two beds. There wasn't much of a view, aside from granite pathways, flooded with hundreds of students. Probably for clubs or whatever. She seen those in movies, but as for her interest in joining one?

She had a lot on her plate already. Which reminded her-

"Eh. Okay view I guess. Brb, gotta get my classes sorted." Jay clicked her phone off and tossed a coat on. Hopefully this wouldn't take long.

Outside her dorm was a long, almost stereotypical hallway, with dorms lining it. Although most dorms had their doors open, and, to Jay's dismay, had roommates. She tried not to feel the sting.

The registration area was exactly one floor down. Right below her room, she noticed. Hopefully it would allow her some peace and quiet.

"I'd like to change majors." Jay had prepared a small speech in her head, but as soon as she'd come face to face with the worker, everything had been thrown out the window. The worker narrowed their eyes.

"Name and student number?"

"Jay Ferin," Jay repeated the code that she'd been sent her first day of university, as the worker typed in down hurriedly. Jay gulped as the worker clicked enter.

"Miss Ferin, huh? It says here you're currently enrolled in... a double major in Foundations and Connections of Law and International Political Relations."

A double major? Her father hadn't-

"I thought I was only doing law!"

The worker frowned. Another few clicks echoed through the room. "It says here it was changed a couple of months ago. And that you had signed a policy agreement."

She was going to kill that son of a-

"Uh, well, can I change any of that?" Jays fingers gripped the bench as a few more clicks echoed.

"...Legally I'm not sure. I can try to change one of your majors, but as for dropping one? No can do."

Two majors. Two bachelors of work, both full time.

But at least she could swap one out with the stuff she actually wanted to do. That was some relief. If there's one thing Jay wanted in life, in this very moment, it was to finally get her freedom.

"Can I swap the political one out for animal ecology?" Jay crossed her fingers, hoping for the best. The worked sighed. It was loud in the quiet depths of Jay's mind as she desperately hoped she could.

"...There's one free class for that. Tuesday, 4pm to 7pm." The worker gazed at her. Waiting.

Jay let out a breath. "Yes. I mean, yeah, I'll take that class. If I can."

Click. "Sure. There's some practical, but your teachers can inform you of that. Anything else you need?"

No. "No." She felt her body relax. "Thank you."

"Have a nice day."

That was it then. She was doing the subject she wanted.

Even if she still had to do law. But she could make it. Jay's resolve strengthened. She'd make it.

Chapter Text

"Why are you in my bed Lizzy?" Gillion raised one eyebrow as he surveyed the mass of lumpy pillows and sheets that had set up shop in his bed. It moved slightly at his words, letting out a groan.

"Found out who my roommate is." Her gruff tone was muffled under the pillow pile.

"Who's your roommate?" Gillion cocked his head. This was his first time hearing about anything like this.

"Ferin." Lizzy spat the name with as much hatred as possible. Right. Ferin. In the brief time Gillion had know Lizzy, (that time mostly containing Lizzy barging into his dorm and demanding his roommate's food), the name Ferin had come up a few times. Mostly when she was drunk. Which happened to be a lot of the time.

"Good grief." A voice echoed from the bathroom doorway. Gillion's roommate himself, Caspian, dressed in a towel and dripping with water. Must have just got out of the shower. "What happened this time?" He glanced to Gillion. Gillion had only been here for four days. And although him and Caspian were on speaking terms, (as new roommates they'd got along quickly), they weren't nearly as close as whatever Caspian and Lizzy had. Caspian rushed to Lizzy's side. It made Gillion wish for a friendship like theirs, but he was quick to squash that idea down. Wishing wouldn't solve anything and besides- he needed to focus on his studies.

"Ferin." Lizzy yet again spat the name under her suffocation of blankets. Caspian sighed, pulling one of the blankets off and staring her down.

"...You know." Gillion had an idea in his moist head, an idea that might just be the start of something special. "You can have my bed for the night Liz." He'd make them proud yet.

"Don't call me that." A mess of black curls appears from under the pile.

"Welp!" Gillion was already gathering the pieces of his new, exciting plan. There was only one way to solve the issue of the ever-present girl in his bed. "I'm off to find Ferin! And convince them to give up their room!" He gave an overexaggerated wave to a confused Caspian before leaving.

That would solve the issue surely. A foolproof plan. Gillion closed the door behind him. 

...He had no idea what Ferin looked like.

Two hours later, Gillion had searched every dorm on this floor, carefully knocking at doors and asking for 'Ferin'. Nobody had any answers for him. And it was starting to get late. He was starting to get tired. He did promise his bed to Lizzy. So there wasn't a dorm to go back to. Until his mission was done. Gillion went to the IT department. A familiar blue haired girl was there, helping a younger student through connecting to the WiFi. 

Surely Eden would know what to do. "Eden!" Gillion waved her down before remembering she had a client. Eden's eyes lit up as she spotted him, but quickly turned back, guiding the student through the process as quickly as possible before hurriedly walking to Gillion.

"It's late, aren't you meant to be in your dorm?" Her voice was soft but suspicious. Protective.

"There's ..." How did he explain the situation to Eden without making Lizzy out to be the bad guy. "There's a person in there. Two people, one has my bed."

Gillion quickly continued before Eden could get a word in. "It's okay though, I offered it to her. She doesn't like her roommate, so I offered to find that roommate, and ask them politely to switch dorms!"

Eden didn't look as relived as Gillion hoped. "Gil..." Her voice was disappointed. Gillion looked away. What had he done wrong? She sighed and turned back to the laptop. "Who are you looking for?"

"Ferin."

"Jay?"

"I have no idea." Gillion admitted.. Eden let out another disappointed sigh and Gil tried not to feel the hurt. "I... don't have access to most of the files but last login seemed to be from the eastern side of the dorms." Eastern side. Three hundred dorms. Fifty dorms had taken him two hours, so with some quick math...Twelve hours. He could do that.

"Please tell me you aren't going to do that-" Gillion had already left by the time Eden had spoken. She sighed yet again, turning back to the laptop.

The first few hours were uneventful. He found one of his classes, which would be useful for the future. Medical Microbiology. Honestly, Gillion could have stayed in the room even longer if he let himself. It was fascinating, with posters of the infection process and a list of trusted sources for articles on the subject. Gillion actually took a few photos.

But the most interesting thing was a test tube on the lecturer's desk, containing samples of body tissue. Of course, he was here on a mission, so he couldn't let him get too wrapped up in it all. However, he was sure whoever his lecturer was, they had a great passion for the subject. Just like Gillion himself. He let that passion drive him through his mission. It was night by the time something interesting happened. About eleven o'clock, Gillion guessed. 

There was another student in the halls. "Hi!" Gillion waved to the other, who covered their ears in discomfort. Oh, right. It was night. He was meant to be a bit quieter than normal.

"What- what are you doing up so late? Stop yelling." The student complained. Were they a student? Students had a curfew to be in their beds by seven. (But not him. He had a mission.) Whoever it was, they didn't seem to know exactly where they were.

"Why are you up so late?" Gillion cocked his head. The student grimaced, was Gil still being loud?

"I'm- ugh- not sneaking alcohol in to a friend's dorm."

Gillion's head cocked even further. "Than what are you doing?" 

The more he asked, the more anxious the student got. "I- well, no, I am doing that I just- look, what are you doing out so late anyways?"

"Looking for someone named Jay Ferin so I can ask them politely to move and I can go back to my dorm and kick my roommate's friend out."

The students eyes creased. "Uh-"

Would he really have to explain everything? "I can't go back until I find Jay, because then Lizzy will have nowhere to go. I do wish I asked where Jay was, but now it could be a suprise for Lizzy."

"Uh huh." The other nodded awkwardly, still kinda just standing there. "I'm Chip, by the way." Chip paused slightly before his head tilted, something alight in his eyes. "How about you get some sleep for now, and we can both look in the morning, huh? You seem pretty tired."

"I can't go back to my dorm." What part of this was Chip not understanding.

"You don't have to!" The glint was still alive in Chip's eyes as he mimed a quick 'follow me' gesture. Gillion sighed and followed. It would do him some good to get some rest.

"You never told me your name." Chip mentioned as they walked. 

"Yeah." He was right, Gil hadn't. Chip sent an unknowable glance Gillion's way. "Uh. Can I... know it?"

Oh. Oh! "That's what you want to know? My name is Gillion Tidestrider. Student, it's my first year here. Majoring in Medical Microbiology, Allied Health Assistance, Marine Ecology-" Chip put up a hand. Gillion did not stop, "with some coursework put in with Fashion, Geomorphology-"

"Stop." Chip looked desperate "I don't need everyone to know I'm here-" He paused for a second as Gillion caught his breath. "Wait, how many degrees are you doing?!"

Gillion frowned. For all Chip had told him to be quiet, Chip's voice had gotten louder. "Uhm, three?"

"Three!" Chip's voice got even louder as Gillion felt the beginnings of a headache start. "Three degrees and your roommates kicked you out!"

"Quiet." Yeah, that headache was now a solid ache all over. Chip seemed to have gotten the memo however, as his voice quietened again.

"I- you'd need all that sleep you can get-" It seemed Chip was continuing the conversation regardless of Gillion's own input. Gillion let his mind relax a second. Then Chip took his hand.

It took a second for Gillion to realise what was happening as Chip had put his hand on Gillion's and was now quickening pace, seemingly in a hurry. Gillion's brain blacked out for a few seconds. Chip didn't seem to realise what he was doing though, and continued talking. "Those sons of bitches, even I wouldn't do that and I-" Chip's voice was fading in and out for him, but he realised quickly that Chip was talking about Gillion's roommates.

"No." Gillion stopped. At this, Chip was pulled back, as his hand was still in Gil's and, as it turned out, Gillion was a lot stronger than him. Chip's hand jolted away, realising what he'd done. They were both a bit tired.

"It wasn't their fault, I offered to give my bed up. Lizzy was angry so..." Gillion trailed off. Why did everyone think his roommates were mean to him, when it was him doing this to himself. Maybe his plan wasn't that thought out.

Chip frowned at him before turning back, bag rustling. "Let's just... get you to sleep, okay? I'll convince my friend to let you in."

He was planning to let Gillion in his friend's dorm? "But that would be taking up their space!" Gillion was horrified.

"Nah, nah. I'll convince her, don't worry about it." Chip looked him in the eyes with a wide smile. "And then you gotten tell me who this Lizzy person is and what her weaknesses are." Chip was getting awfully into this idea of revenge for something that didn't even involve Lizzy. But Gillion would explain it in the morning.

"Chip-" A red haired girl answered the door, smiling as she saw Chip before slowly frowning. "Who-"

"He's our roommate now, his other roommates kicked him out." Chip gave a rather rushed explanation, pushing Gil through the door as he talked and hurried to close it behind him. Before the girl could start asking more questions, Chip chimed up. "Apparently his roommate is the one that's been avoiding you Jay."

Jay. So this was the mysterious Jay Ferin? Gillion's eyes went wide as he hurriedly tried to remember the speech he was practicing. Before he could even get a word out, Jay was ruffling through Chip's bag. Alcohol? Oh right, Chip had said he'd brought some. Or- more like he said he hadn't and lied but then told the truth. 

"Chip... Classes start tomorrow idiot." Jay pushed the bottle of wine into Chips hands and out of her own. "If I'm hungover first class of the year, dad will definitely know something's up."

Chip was tempting her. "C'mon, it's just a little sip. Can't feel nervous about tomorrow if you can't feel." Gillion watched the two argue for a little bit, Jay eventually taking a sip before spitting in back at Chip, her plan all along it seemed. It was relaxing, to see them still so open even though he was here, a newbie and nobody. Although now he thought about it, Chip was definitely already drunk by the time he'd gotten here. That would explain some things.

They seemed nice. Gil rested his head on the pillow for only a moment. He'd speak to Jay tomorrow, after all, they all had classes to prepare for then. He was asleep before he even knew it.

Chapter Text

Gill must have left as soon as he'd gotten up. A time that was well before Jay's alarm, as she'd woke to only see one person in her dorm. The mysterious stranger had disappeared as quickly as he'd come and Jay was left with questions. Not that Chip could answer anything for her. He was currently passed out on her bed, (in a dorm he shouldn't even have access to, Jay reminded herself), and hungover. Oh right. Today was Monday. Also known as her first class of law...

Jay tried to stop herself from rolling her eyes. She didn't care for the subject, how did her father even remotely expect her to succeed.

...and where the hell was OUT3323 Unit33? The more Jay stared at the class code she'd been given, the more it looked like a serial number. Great. Jay entered the gravel courtyard. It was a lot bigger here than at her window, but that was to be expected. She spotted a building in the distance. Student services could help? Maybe. Jay bit her lip. Last time they weren't much help, not even telling her the correct date to arrive. If Chip hadn't powered through that bottle of wine, she would have taken a sip right about now. Or more than that. Probably more, as student services turned out to be a collection of small buildings, each containing a different area for whatever students needed to know.

Dozens of dead eyes looked up at her as she entered the main student services area. Not many students were here, but the assistant's themselves seemed to be plentiful. "Hey!" Jay spoke to the same assistant she'd spoke to yesterday, who gazed at her with no recognition in their eyes. "Uhm, would you happen to know where this is?" She held out the student code at an angle that made her hand hurt. The assistant blinked.

"Uh. That's a practical lesson. Held outside the college."

Practical! Already! "Oh cool-" It was not very oh cool. "Uhm- where? Where would that be?" The assistant gave a slow blink. As if Jay was not a college student and instead a very, very, dumb baby. She might has well been, she definitely felt like one!

"The nearest law firm-" They ruffled through the papers on the desk before finding a freshly printed business card and handing it to Jay. "- called the eagle or somethin-" Jay grabbed the paper with as much speed as she could muster. Her blood ran cold before she even looked at the card, and when she looked-

Her suspicions were confirmed.

"Fuck!" Jay didn't care much for the workers expression and walked out of the building. Of course, this was her father's grand plan after all. She was doing practical at his law firm.

She'd have to see him twice a week. "Fuck!" Jay let out, louder this time. Just when she thought her life was going okay. A few students outside the building stopped their gossiping to send her concerned glances, but she didn't honestly care.

She went straight back to the room, slamming the door open. Chip shot up from the bed, groggily and detached, still not fully awake. "What's goin on?" It was a few seconds before Chip clutched his head in pain, last night catching up with him.

"My father." Jay marched straight to her bed, collapsing heavily into it before screaming into the pillow.

"Oh..?" Chip still fully wasn't there, peering at her from under his hand and blinking heavily. "...What'd the bastard... do?"

"Fuckin." Jay caught her breath, face flushed. "Law. We're studying his fuckin. Building."

"Oh..." It took a second for it to catch up with Chip. "Oh. Oh no."

"Oh no is right..." Jay waved her hands around dramatically as she spoke, movement getting more flailed as her panic increased. "Chip, I really don't know what to do I can't just not go but I can't go there either, if I see him I'm pretty sure I'll have a breakdown-"

"Yo." Chip caught her hands and stared her straight down, brown eyes meeting blue. "Don't worry about it."

Jay snorted. "Great advice Chip."

"No, no. I'm being serious. If a guy..." Chip was still stumbling over his words somewhat. "...can come in here and sleep with no explanation... You can go to your student people or whatever... And ask for some study consideration." Chip got distracted. "...wait did that really happen last night..."

She could just apply for exemption. She was related to the owner, surely that would help to prove her point. That would surely be an unfair study environment. "I'll apply for exemption! You're so right Chip!"

"Now that what I like to hear."

Chapter Text

The first lesson of law was great for Jay! It was great because she didn't go! Jay spent most of the day tucked in the dorm room, much to Chip's amusement.

"What, don't want to join a club or whatever?" Chip nudged her, knowing Jay's exact feelings on that. Jay pursed her lips, giving Chip a hard shove back. He ended up on the floor as Jay stared down at him. No regret in her expression, just satisfaction.

"Are you going to stay in my dorm all day?" Jay finally questioned. She rolled over on her back to get a better look at him.

"Depends. You gonna stay in your dorm all day?" Chip shot back. Okay. That was fair.

"...how about you and me do something together." Jay let her smile creep into her voice as she gazed down at Chip, mischief in her eyes. Chip blinked before adopting the same mischievously look.

"Let's fuck some shit up."

Ten minutes later, Jay and Chip both walked out of the apartment, both sporting matching hoodies. It didn't matter that the hoodies were a bright tangy yellow or one had weird wash stains on it, they were together and they were on their way to cause some mischief. The auditorium wasn't hard to find. A big stage system where they'd had their orientation. Jay fiddled with the mechanical door that kept her away from the wiring of the place. "Lock pick?" Jay asked, without looking away from her intent. Trying to imagine Chip without a lock pick was like trying to imagine her father not being a controlling ass. But today Chip was being difficult.

"What do I get for it?" Jay whipped her head over to see Chip admiring with his nails like a high school mean girl. Jay sighed.

"You get a slap in the face if you don't give me them."

Chip didn't even spare her a glance. "And what if I want something else." What was he playing at? Jay yanked the lock pick out of his hand, trying her own attempt at the door. It wasn't quick, but the university didn't much care for security, so they were able to enter within five minutes. The room was dark, the only brightness being Chip's phone scrolling through Spotify. "So what's the plan? Blast music? Not much fun to watch, but I'll load something up."

Jay jabbed him in the side. Or at least, she hopes it was him. It was so dark and her eyes hadn't yet adjusted. "Nah. I got a better idea." It didn't matter how much trouble she got in. Maybe if it was enough her father would kick her out. And so Jay cut the wires leading to the university's tech signal, before walking out, Chip following.

"Why did you do that?" Jay rolled her eyes. The answer was obvious, right.

"I'm bored. Clubs are boring, schools boring. I want to make stuff a little bit more interesting."

"Yeah but-" Chip creased his brows slightly. "That didn't make it better that's just... making everyone's lives worse..." It was obvious what was on his mind. 'It didn't help Jay's boredom.' But was she really doing this because she was bored? Or was she doing it to lash out at the world. At her father? Even Jay didn't know. Chip gave up. Maybe he'd come to the same conclusion.

The school had one cafe, both Jay and Chip stepping inside at once. The air was crowded and thick, and it seemed both of them were looking for a distraction. Well they'd found one.

Chapter Text

The distraction in question?

The student they'd met before, Gillion Tidestrider, pouring over a workbook. How many coffees were beside him? Jay's head hurt even thinking of consuming that much caffeine. She strode towards Gillion, sitting down. The blue haired student didn't look up, having some sort of headphones in his ears.

...no. Those weren't headphones, they were hearing aids. Chip sat down next to her, awkward that the student hadn't recognised they were there yet. Chip reached out his arm to bring it to attention and-"Oh!" Gillion's eyes met Jay's and then Chip's before sparkling in recognition. He fiddled with his hearing aids before speaking to them again, a smile on his face that Jay couldn't place as welcoming or nervous. "I didn't expect to see you both here! I'm sorry about yesterday, I was tired. Lizzy didn't want her room back after all."

Jay's eyes narrowed. Who was Lizzy? "Good to see you here too, uh- Bill." Chip's eyes were pierced towards Gillion, as if the longer he stared the more he'd make sense of where he knew Gillion from.

"Gillion. Gillion Tidestrider"

"Right! Gill! The one with the awful dorm mates!" Gillion's expression not so subtly shifted at this but Chip didn't realise. Jay interrupted, less he make a fool out of himself.

"What happened yesterday anyways?" She leaned across the table. Glancing down, she could see she was on top of Gillion's papers. There were some detailed sketches in there. A jellyfish diagram in particular catching her eye.

Gillion got a bit more hesitant. "Nothing, you- don't need to worry about it." His blue eyes gazed up, into Jay's. "Uhm, thanks for letting me stay. I've been told that not many people would let an unknown stranger in their dorms." He's been told? For some reason, that was the part that stuck out the most to Jay. Did Gillion really not recognise that it wasn't normal to do that?

Chip picked up on something else however. "How did things go with that - Lizzy fella?" Gillion looked down again. The lighting in the cafe flickered, not that noticeable since it was mid-day however. They were really both just talking to Gillion like an investigation. Jay nudged Chip when she'd noticed. 

"Let's get some food, and maybe we can chat." Chip didn't pick up on the signal. Dense as ever.

"Yeah, maybe later. I still wanna know what's up with Lizzy."

Jay sighed. The lights yet again flickered, this time Jay paying it mind. Two minutes until the place went powerless she guessed. She wouldn't say that messing up people's live was a hobby she particularly liked, but it was one she was skilled in. And it was how she'd meet Chip, both wanting to get away from their highschool teacher (and maybe make his day a bit worse.)

She acknowledged it wasn't the best coping mechanism, but it was there when she had nothing. And while Chip had grown out of the habit (mostly) she was still reliant. Still the same girl who'd enacted petty revenge against a high school teacher just trying to do their job. Still the same girl who got a half hearted kick out of it. 

And it was only a brief moment of joy. But it was better than boredom.

The cafe cashier was a smaller boy than Jay had figured, but still college aged, with a hoodie around his face and dead silvery blue eyes. Jay stared for a second before remembering what she was doing. So caught up in her own thoughts... She couldn't show this kind of hesitance during lectures. She'd fall behind, and than be left by her father's side. Like everyone else associated with the Ferin's. Jay came back to the table, carrying two coffees and a raspberry muffin (a mid-day snack her and Chip could share.)

Jay placed the coffee on the table, making sure to not knock anything over before glancing at the two. She should have offered Gill something. ...too late now.

Chip and Gillion were already in a heated debate. About what- "If you think the navy is anything more than a bunch of boot licking arseholes-" That was Chip, whispering under his breath. Gillion was much more composed.

"I have to do half my degree with them, it's not as if I can think otherwise."

"You can- just not become a navy officer-"

"It offers me money and let's me do my study. What else would you have me do?" Despite his composition, Gill's lip was turned. Almost like a dignified scowl.

"Anything but the navy- Jay, back me up here."

Jay couldn't believe she was friends with a literal child. "Why do you care so much?"

Chip gestured wildly. "Because they're arseholes and control the coastline, thinking they control the world-"

Jay rolled her eyes. Gillion glanced between them.

"Is... The only reason you're here to convince me not to join the navy?" Gillion's eyes shifted up and just as Jay opened her mouth.

The lights went off.

Chapter Text

Three minutes and forty five seconds. This school either had it's power overstrained constantly or an unequal use of that power. Chip noticed instantly, eyes widening slightly before rolling his eyes at Jay. Jay knew he was holding back a smirk though. Gillion's eyes widened a few seconds after Chips did. The exact same motion as Chip's, actually, it was quite impressive. Whatever he was saying slowly mumbled to a stop, his eyes fixed on his laptop.

Jay tilted her head. Acting innocent. "What happened?"

"My..." Gillion could barely get the words out. "My documents... crashed."

Oh.

Oh no. Did the school really linked their website and power? What kind of fuckery-

Jay crossed her fingers that it was a coincidence. But even that couldn't convince her, not when she'd seen her consequences catch up to her in real time. ...maybe taking out your anger on a faulty school system did have some downsides.

Gillion's face was getting more and more distraught by the minute. Chip pushed in, voice loud yet trying his hardest to comfort. "Hey- it's okay. You got a backup or whatever?"

Gill shook his head. Jay just stood there as Chip managed the situation. She couldn't do anything. Not anything useful. As good as she was communicating with Chip, that didn't exactly transfer over to other people. Especially people she'd directly impacted. Jay left the cafe abruptly. She could see Chip in her peripheral trying to stop her, but it wasn't even a few seconds til he turned back to Gill. That was probably for the best.

The university grounds were empty this time of day, rather solemn if it wasn't for the burning heat of mid-day. She found a nice spot in the shade. It occured to Jay that she shouldn't spend most of the day moping and feeling sorry for herself when it was her actions that ended up with Gillion's panic, but on the other hand- Jay turned her hand over, looking over it. On her finger was a ring. Golden, with an insignia of an eagle. Her late sister's.

Why didn't she deserve to be angry? Why did she only hurt people when she finally gave in to improper thoughts and the vicious cycle that had defined her life.

Chip was probably back there with Gill still. Fixing her mistake. Everytime she'd done something vile, it was always Chip fixing it. Why? Why did he even stay around her at this point.

Jay held her head down further. She wasn't cut out for university. And it was only the first day.

"Hey." A voice chimed out from behind her. It was rough, with the wearing of time on it's side and as Jay looked, she could see an elderly man beside her, keeping out of her reach yet still loud enough to hear. Jay tried (unsuccessfully) to look like she'd been doing something useful. And not moping in her self hate. The old man didn't buy it. No pity was present in his expression, however.

"Ya need to clear this lawn, else you're gonna be on clean-up duty!" The old man barked, as if he'd said something funny before muttering the rest. 

Jay got up. "Is something happening on the lawn?"

The man snickered. "You could say. The clubs or whatever that didn't get enough members are doing the rounds again." The grass below Jay moved, swaying in the breeze slightly. The breeze did help the summer heat and she should probably be inside and out of the heat but Jay was too curious for her own good.

"What clubs?" Maybe... an anger club? It was a stupid suggestion to even think, but a hobby to get her frustration out might be useful.

The old man stared at her for a minute. "You can see for yourself in about twenty minutes. Now, get off the lawn!" Jay complied.

Twenty minutes. What was she going to tell Chip?  'Of course, not like she was going to join one...' Jay thought foolishly. She already felt more excited than she probably should. Finally, this could be it. A way to get her life back on track. She glanced towards the granite pathway a few buildings off. There was no use going back to her room, was there? 

Chip wasn't going to stay with her tonight to, was he? Last night was good (although she suspected he was just using her as an excuse to get drunk) but tonight..? No, he wouldn't. Jay waited the full twenty minutes. She hadn't seen Chip or Gill but then again, the campus was rather big. She didn't expect to see many people, and she didn't.

Well, until the clubs arrived. There were three that hadn't got enough members, and it wasn't hard to see why.

Astrology club? Jay was pretty sure that would double her anger issues. Of course, she didn't mean offence to the lovely blonde girl running the stall, but considering her own love of astronomy, she was sure it wouldn't be good for her. Debate team? Jay titled her head, considering it for a moment. It would be great to get her anger out, but on the other hand- She didn't really want to mess with the ginger stuck up student manning the stall. She could already see his eyes glace over her before returning to the forms, fiddling with them slightly with a frown on his face. 

That left the student newspaper. Jay was slightly sad to see no queer club here, must have been fully staffed. "Hi." Jay greeted the girl manning the stall. The girl looked up, light blue hair falling over fair skin.

"Hey!" She seemed energetic at Jay's approach. "Wanna join the newspaper, uh... Club?" Oh right. Jay guessed the school wouldn't let the newspaper bring in new members without becoming a club.

"Uh." She didn't have to make a decision right now, did she? The girl could sense her discomfort however. 

"It's just me handling it right now, so if you're scared of lots of people, it'll be fine!" The girl held out a hand. "I'm Aslana, by the way!"

Jay didn't take the hand, instead giving a way. "Jay." Aslana didn't look offended at this though, instead bouncing up and showing Jay a pamphlet. It was... definitely something, with different fonts and colours that made Jay's head swim. 'Join our club,' was written at the top. If Jay had a guess, she'd bet Aslana made this.

"What times do we meet?" Jay asked. It wasn't written on the pamphlet.

"Oh!" Aslana perked up at that, snatching the pamphlet back and hastily writing something on it. "Two thirty Wednesday's! So two days from now!"

Two thirty Wednesday? Jay could do that. "I'll show up for a few times. If I like it I might stay."

Aslana was overjoyed, basically pushing the pamphlet back to Jay. It had the times now loudly written in bold, with a few hearts next to them. "That sounds good, see you then!" She called out as Jay started walking away. 

Hopefully this would well. "Thanks." Jay gave a wave back, ignoring the smile that threatened to light up her face.

This would turn her life around. Or, at least help...Hopefully.

Jay let that hope carry her back to her dorm. Resolutely empty without Chip here. But it was hers.

Chapter Text

Ginger blonde hair was a harsh background to the default university provided pillows and sheets, all white as a sheep. Jay laid face up, bored and scrolling through her phone, which she held a few centimeters from her face. She really needed glasses. The thought came to her a few times but whatever her brain expected to happen, obviously wasn't going to happen. Yeah, just mirroring the appearance of her dead sister. Like she needed anymore reminders. So no. She never got glasses and the screen remained at exactly three centimeters from her eyes. 

Her request from yesterday had been approved. The request to change work experience companies had come a bit later, and Jay had expected them to delay as long as possible. (Especially with the wifi issues-) But no. They had met her request reasonably quickly, and as of Monday next week she got to trail her luck with a new work experience company. However that still meant she got one day with her father-

Whatever. Jay rolled onto her stomach, bringing her phone with her. She wasn't going to think about that. And when dad found out-

Jay paused her scrolling, her expression temporarily going blank. She wasn't going to think about that. She had class in the afternoon. An actual enjoyable class, unlike law.

Animals had been a big passion of Jays since she was a child. Partially birds-

...She also really liked how ecosystems were made up. It was a lot like the mechanics Chip was always talking about, a whole bunch of different components working together to form one functioning ecosystem. A family, almost. Jay tapped the top of her screen, swiping to find her timetable. Double checking the seminar, she confirmed it was in the afternoon, and no she wasn't nervous- Okay, Jay couldn't hide it from herself. She was nervous. She needed to do something.

She zoomed in on the subject, the main course of the semester. Animal diversity. ..That actually seemed interesting.

Jay clicked her tongue, getting up from the bed in one motion. Surely it wouldn't do any harm to research a bit before the class. Jay eyed the laptop on her desk. She wouldn't get distracted, not when it was important, like the rest of her life important.

Right?

Two hours into playing Tetris, Jay's alarm went off. Or, well, second alarm, as she'd muted the first earlier through her playthrough. She sighed, muting it. She just needed to beat this level- Another death.

Jay sighed, this time louder and letting her entire body deflate. Time to go to class. On her desk, next to the laptop was a study guide pamphlet and workbook, as well as recommended reading material. But her teachers wouldn't really make her read before the first lesson. Jay frowned, an uncomfortable smile coming over her face. They wouldn't make her do that... right?

Maybe it would have been better to not turn up late and miss orientation. Jay cursed her father before lugging all her items into her bag, flinging it over her shoulders when done. Finding the classroom was... fun. The best part of any university experience, Jay thought sarcastically as she trudged through the wetlands that her university was set up on. It made her think of... well being anywhere other than here. Like on a pirate ship. Jay's eyes brightened. Yeah, that'd be fun. Her as the captain bossing round Chip everyday. Having whirlwind romances at every port they stopped-

Jay was jolted violently out of her thoughts by another student. Her ideas deflated, already seeing the anger in the student’s eyes. "Can you move-" The student pushed past her violently, her black hair flicking into Jay as she was tossed to the side rather ruthlessly. Before she even had a chance to apologize, or give the student a piece of her mind, they were gone.

...Weird. 

Jay wasn't able to focus on her daydreams after that, just filled with anger. That girl didn't even know her, why was she so rude? What had her pants twisted? Jay arrived at the class - a wide open semicircle lecture room, featuring double floors - quickly after that. And annoyed.

She didn't even have time to grab a drink for fucks sake. Jay sat near the door on the first floor. Away from most of the others. She didn’t need distractions. As the lecturer's voice slowly came over the microphone, Jay calmed, forcibly reminding herself that she liked this class. And not to waste it just because some asshole had a bad day.

Jay lost herself in thought for a few minutes, blinking awake when the lecturers voice raised. "And I'm sure you're all excited for this class-" Did the lecturer not go over this during orientation? Jay looked to her watch. They were already ten minutes in, hopefully introductions would be over soon. The door to her right opened, Jay spotted a blue haired dude a lot like Gillion enter. However this man seemed older, a few years out of highschool and hair tied in a tight ponytail, with just some loose hair faded into his frame.

Interesting, but not interesting enough to be distracting. Jay turned her head as the student sat next to the door. And, subsequently, next to her. She shivered. Other people near her wasn't exact a bad thing it's just-

...She wasn't exactly known for being good with people.

Oh well. It was a seminar, nobody was meant to do introductions or anything here of all places. Any anxieties she had about new people could be felt when she actually had to attend a workshop. Until she entered. Great, Jay thought as the black haired girl from before - the girl who had shoved her into a wall with little concern - entered. And took a seat right next to Jay. Could this day possibly get any better, Jay thought. The lecturer was still introducing the class, like they didn't know why they were here.

It wasn't as if anyone picked this class for fun. They all knew why they were here, what was this teacher waiting for? Jay's leg started to shake. The longer this took, the more chance of the girl next to her actually turning to look at Jay. And realizing it was the person she pushed. That would be awkward for both of them. And plus... Jay glanced down to where she held her ballpoint pen. Her fist was already curled, whitened fingertips at the edges of her skin. Could she really prevent throwing a fist in this state?

Simple answer... Probably not. It’s not as if her father had let her go to therapy, so it just so happened this anger would probably escape her in the worst way possible. Jay held her head down. Finally, after a few minutes of useless garbage, the teacher actually moved on to the important stuff. It was a few more minutes when Jay realized that the teacher was expecting them to know concepts she hadn't even heard of. Jay looked at the rest of the class.

Great. Everyone was nodding along. Nobody had even peeked at the crowd like she had - no confused faces in sight but hers. Maybe she should have read the textbook. Just a few pages... Jay's frown deepened as the teacher expanded on the concept of a limiting factor and carrying capacity. Yeah, maybe a bit more than a few pages. Jay's day had gone from bad to worse at this realization.

"Okay, well let's move on to our first little mock quiz!" The lecturer's voice echoed all over the hall. "You have until next week to complete this, using the textbook and study material as reference okay?" What was worse than worse? This. Jay's head sloped even more, barely able to see. Hell, if she tried enough she could get her head to touch the table.

"It's okay!" The teacher chimed up, almost as if she'd seen Jay's reaction. Jay propped her head up at this, but no, the lecturer's eyes were nowhere near her. "You won't have to take this duty alone! Get together three people for groups, since you'll be answering these questions together over the week!" Oh no. The blue haired student glanced at her curiously. It didn't help that she was the only student near this area of the hall. His friend - who was looking more punchable by the minute (she struck first!) - glanced over. Jay turned away suddenly, eyes firmly to the left of her and averting both of them from her face.

Whatever was hell, this was worse. Jay sighed, every second she kept her eyes away was another second she looked awkward. Like, eventually she was sure they would give up on her, but not before she'd embarrassed herself by blatantly avoiding them. Better to just suck it up. Jay drew in a sigh, releasing it as she turned to the two, meeting them face to face finally.

The blue haired one, aside from his older features, also had the beginnings of a wispy beard. However unlike a high schooler, the beard looked like it was meant to be there. The girl had a welcoming expression on her face. This expression was dropped when she'd caught sight of Jay's face. She rocked an ugly one now, glancing at Jay like she would rather die than get closer to her.

Rude, Jay thought. What was her problem with her anyways? Because it was clearly something personal. ..hadn't Gillion said something about personal problems?

...Right, her roommate? Jay glanced at the girl up and down, probably for longer that she should have. "Are you..." She paused, not knowing if she was even right, but by now her gamble had come too far. She had to ask, she had two pairs of eyes on her now, one curious, one angry. "...are you, like, meant to be my roommate or whatever?" The girl rolled her eyes. Quite loudly, and obviously. "There's no way I'd room with a Ferin-"

"What is your problem with me!" Jay wasn't loud, not yet, but she had jumped forward in her seat, towards the girl. Her teeth were bared like an animal, she was beginning to have enough of this chick. However the girl didn't back down yet. Instead she held her ground, still maintaining her air of authority. "Ferin's are trouble. I'm not putting myself in a court case all because I mistreated 'daddy's perfect girl.'" Court case? Was this about her fathers legal legacy?

As she thought, the older guy seemed to almost push the girl back into her seat. Jay blinked, and suddenly Mr Wispy Beard himself was facing her. "Anyways, we need to work together on this project. Whatever your personal qualms are, I'm sure you can sort it afterwards." He had an accent from somewhere, but Jay couldn't place it. His expression was even more unplaceable, somewhere between a simple retail smile and something dangerous.

Jay nodded. "Sure. Not my fault she has an issue with me anyways." It was not a pleasant day for Jay, the least she could do was agree to the guys plans. The girl also agreed, not before rolling her eyes beforehand.

"Well." The man held his hand out for Jay, who took it after a few seconds. "I'm Caspian."

"Uhm. Jay." She didn't need to introduce her last name if the girl already knew it. Plus, it's not like she wanted to be associated with that name. It was her fathers legacy. Not hers.

The girl waited a moment before responding. "Lizzie." Lizzie. Jay now had a name for her enemy. 

"I'll just grab your phone number and add you to a group chat." Caspian smiled, probably trying to defuse tension between the two. As Jay stared, he seemed to get more sweaty at the moment.

"Sure." Not that Jay got any say in it. Before anyone could say anything else and probably for the better, the lecturer's voice interrupted. The rest of the lecture was nothing compared to the intrusive thoughts spamming her head. Jay shook them away, but wasn't surprised to see Caspian and Lizzie leaving quickly, as soon as the lecturer had dismissed them all. Probably for the better. And just what was Lizzie’s problem with her?

Chapter Text

Jay got out of class later than everyone else, after confirming that - no, she could not switch groups. The lecturer cited that 'differences only bring us together and hate can turn to friendship after mistakes are ironed out.' Whatever that meant.

She thought this was meant to be an animal diversity seminar, not an english course. But it just seemed university lecturers always had an english streak in them. Jay left before she could hear anymore purple prose. A small 'ding' echoed from her pocket. A notification. 

Jay pulled her phone a bit faster than may have been safe, almost dropping it. Had Chip finally texted her? She'd been missing him the whole day, her life without her best friend was getting worse and worse. Nope. No new Chip texts. Even worse.

'Cas-Piss' has added you to a group chat. "Animal Diversity; Assignment One."

Jay frowned. What a boring group chat name. And it was clear Lizzy and Caspian had no trouble having fun with their own names. it was only around her that they didn't care to be friendly, even joking. Instead, she was greeted with a rather stale text from 'xxblackrosexx'

--

"We can meet at the library at 12pm. I will bring the required textbooks, and adquent materials. if anyone here can't make that, let us know."

--

Jay stared. 'If anyone who can't make it-' What fucking bullshit. There was only three of them, and those two had left together. By 'anyone' Lizzy obviously meant her. Why couldn't she just say that. She sent a single thumbs up in reply. Goddammit. Now she needed Chip more than ever. Someone to rant to, someone who would understand.

...she wasn't co-dependent... not at all.

Jay squished that thought as she began towards her dorm. She stopped at the hallway in front of it. The door was already open..?

This day was just hell, huh? She'd have to mark this on a calendar on something. Hell Day. She had nothing to defend herself with. Jay stood there awkwardly for a second before eventually sighing and stepping inside. 

Gillion Tidestrider was currently on her bed. 

Jay was so. so tempted to shut the door. Never think about what was going on inside her dorm again. Maybe leave the country. 

...no. She was too curious by this point.

She pushed the door open fully, something that Gillion heard. He looked up, giving an over exaggerated wave. "Why hello Chip's friend!" And instantly, as soon as he'd greeted her, Gillion turned back to whatever he was doing. Jay stared. The more she looked, the more she could see he actually had a goal in mind. He was looking for something... 

On her side of the room.

"Uhm..." There were a multiple of things she could ask right now, but it was best to start with the basics. "Why are you in my dorm?" Gillion didn't even turn to respond. Jay cleared her throat, thinking he might not have heard, but as she did, Gillion's voice rang through the room. 

"Why, your little pirate buddy said he'd lost something. So I thought i'd look in his dorm..." Gillion's head finally popped up to look at Jay again before gesturing to the other side of the room. "You should really decorate your bed by the way." Oh. He thought Chip and her were roommates. And that she was the one with the ugly bed. Jay sat next to him. "Uh, yeah, wrong side there. This is my bed."

Gillion just stared at her. "No."

Wha- "No?" Jay repeated.

'No, Chip told me this was his side of the bed. He also said he was doing three double majors, which I really applaud him for! And that you didn't actually go here."

Oh. She could picture Chip’s face now. Grinning evilly "What were his double majors?" Jay prompted. Maybe she could stretch Chip’s lie a bit, make him feel consequences for his actions.

Gillion didn't see anything wrong, instead sitting up in the bed and crossing his legs like a kid. "He was really vague. I assume he's just worried I may judge! But he doesn't have to. I also do three majors, as a great and wonderful Tidestrider! He said 'sea stuff' and 'pirating amazon dvds to youtube'" Right... Jay was almost disappointed. His lie didn't even sound believable.

"Oh yeah and Coastal and Marine Environments!" Gillion piped up.

Why was that the only one that sounded like a real major? “What did he leave here anyways?"

"Uhm, some kind of charm? He was really panicked about it..." As Gillion's hands shifted over the bed, she could tell he didn't really know what he was talking about either.

"And he asked you to get it?" She wasn't aware Chip had any charms. But sending someone somewhere was a prank too mean for Chip. Especially since he'd shown some sympathy to Gill before.

"No. He just kind of clutched his neck and realised it was missing. His eyes glazed over and I could barely make out his words." That definitely wasn't a prank. Jay frowned. Whatever he lost might be here... Chip tended to lose stuff when he drank.

"I'll help you search..." Jay moved to the computer desk, looking under. Gillion sent her a victorious smile. 

It was a few minutes later when Gillion left out a high pitched chirp. Jay glanced over to see him holding up a golden necklace. 'This it?" He tilted his head, glancing at Jay for confirmation. Jay nodded. She had no idea, in all honesty. But it wasn't hers. She stepped closer as Gillion dropped her the necklace. It was a golden carved axe, with a rose-like structure backing it. It actually looked quite impressive. 

Thinking back on it, Jay had never seen Chip's bare neckline. Not that she'd have any reason to. But it meant he could have worn this all the time and she could have just not known. 

“Thanks for helping me find it. Hopefully Chip enjoys it!"

And then Gillion was gone. Jay didn't even blink, it was like he just vanished in mid-air. But she had more pressing matters on her mind. 

'I wonder what it's for... I thought we knew every part of each other...' Well, she thought she at least knew every part of Chip. He was like an open book to her. But as for herself... She was still hiding her sister from Chip - it hadn't even been a part of their conversations. She had no siblings in his eyes.

'Hm... Guess there's still not much we know about each other.' There was a ding on her phone.

Chipper: "Gil told me you found my shit. Coming up." That was fast. ...and he didn't even mention their previous non-talking phrase. 

Jay secretly hoped that meant he was over it and she was forgiven but it was never that easy. They probably just were going to ignore this interaction and go back to not speaking. Jay paused. No. She was blowing this all out of proportion. What had she even done? Messed with Gillion's assignment-? Yeah, unknowingly. But also Chip maybe just was too busy to talk to her. Yeah.

...Okay, maybe she was a bit co-dependant. But was it really her fault? She was in a new environment, she wanted something familiar. A friend,... Jay felt her brain tick. An idea.

Chips knock at the door was too loud to be anyone but him. Jay opened it with a little bit of force, introducing him to the room. The necklace was held carefully in her palm. Just out of Chip's reach. So he couldn't grab it and run... Not that he would do that but... her thoughts weren’t exactly known for being rational.

"Jay! Gil said you found my shit. Thanks!" He made a grabby hand gesture towards her before reeling himself in, placing his hands on his head and taking a deep breath in. "Uhm. May I have it?" His breath was laboured. Had he been crying? Jay frowned, holding it out to him. Her irrational thoughts could fuck off, she didn't want to see Chip this desperate. He took it instantly, breath shortening before returning to its normal pattern. It was now Jay noticed how dishevelled his appearance was, hair messy, eyes darting and not focusing on anything around him.

It wasn't a good look for her friend.

"Look. Since Gillion helped me with finding this…" Jay trailed off. Now was time to execute her idea. "I promised him I'd help him with a study session." Jay tilted her head innocently to the side. "Would you want to join us?" Chip had joined Gillion for study sessions before, from Gillion's own words. It should be an easy 'yes', an easy excuse to hang out.

"No."

Chapter Text

No?

"What..?" Jay paused before stepping forward, boots echoing on the lino dorm room floor. She heard that right? Right?

Did she do something wrong? …Or, scratch that, she always did something wrong. The question this time was just what she did. 

Her eyes met Chips. Or should have. Chip was avoiding her eyes, looking down to the floor, eyes darting rapidly to anywhere but her. "...why not?" When it was clear Chip wouldn't answer her, she asked. Chip still didn't meet her gaze. He did, to his credit, open his mouth. But that was only for a few seconds, where no words came out and it shut again. Jay looked away so she wasn't focusing on Chip's lip. She didn't want any more mixed messages.

"I think…" Chip finally spoke, his eyes no longer darting around and focusing on a specific stain. Jay looked over it for a second, she hadn't made that, and then back to Chip. He gaze still hadn't shifted. "I think I'm dragging you down."

…What? Jay felt her own thoughts come back to her. Dragging her down? No, that can't have been right. It must be the opposite. Chip must think Jay - with her reliance on the other - was dragging him down!

Jay took a breath, walking back into the room. He was right. Ever since they'd met she was tying him down. It was true. Chip had loads of friends and people to rely on. She only had him. She sat on the unmade bed that her and Gillion had ruffled up. "You think you're dragging me down." She could read between the lines. She knew what he really meant.

"Maybe" His voice was soft and unfamiliar. His breath was still a little laboured, even with getting his jewellery back.

Jay stayed silent, staring up at him. She didn't bother asking him to enter. He'd enter if he wanted to. "How'd you figure?" Surely this couldn't be it right? They were best friends for years, it was common for friends to be a little dependent on each other, right? He wouldn't break their friendship over something like that? But then again, they both encouraged each other, didn't they? Jay's mind suggested. Jay shook the thought out. They were at University now. That was in high school. But you have messed with the University already, have you not? Her brain suggested. Did Chip not encourage that?

…Actually. Her voice paused. I think you encouraged him for that one. You're making him worse. Jay shook her head for a final time. She was not going to think about that. 

"So… what? You are going to abandon me?" The was a harsh spark in her eye. It would be hell. Jay knew that already. Chip didn't meet her eye, still standing. Jay gestured her hand to the bed, letting it melt into the sheets. Chip didn't pay her any mind, mind somewhere else.

"Are you?" He'd been quiet for a while, mind going elsewhere when she'd suggested they stop hanging out. Which was dumb, it was his idea! If that was what he meant that is. Was that what he meant? …shit, was she the reason he'd been crying earlier? Jay felt a pang shock her cold dead heart, shoulders shrinking under the realisation. If that was…

…She'd never forgive herself. They sat in silence for a little while. Or, Jay sat. Chip stood, mind lost to the clouds.

Jay probably should study. She didn't want to let Lizzie or Caspian down. Or, let their expectations be met. She was nothing like her father. She'd get through this university using hard work and kindness. Not cruelty and betrayal. But when Jay went to open her textbooks, her mind was still flooded. Chip was right there, but that wasn't the issue. Her mind was still flooded. Chip, Chip, Chip. 

Was this how a breakup felt? Jay had never been in a relationship but…

…Actually she wasn't going to compare this to a breakup. Plus, she reflected, it would probably be good for them both. Right? Jay closed the textbook. She wasn't getting anywhere fast. "Chip?" The bed creaked as she left, heading over to the boy. As soon as she got close, he jolted. Finally brought away from his thoughts.

…or she'd blocked the light. Jay looked behind her, instantly burning her eyes on the evening sun. Right. Maybe the second option then. Chip looked up at her. She never realised how clear his eyes were, especially in the dimness of her shadow. They looked like a lake at night, reflective of her every feature.

…Oh no. What was that ? Get your thoughts back on track woman! Jay thought. She put a hand on his shoulder. "...are you going to abandon me?" She asked again 

Chip looked away from her eyes. He was staring for a long time, now that she thought about it. "I'm not abandoned you. You're at University, I'm… not." Was this an issue with her going to University? She knew Chip was anxious before but this was intense. She moved the hand from his shoulder to his hand, letting his ears trace her movement. Her hand met the sunlight on Chip's shoulder. 

This wasn't about her actions? Or was he getting to that?  "I'm not going to leave you just because I'm at University." She frowned, meeting Chips eyes as her hand met his. 

"...You might." Chip focused on her hand. "You might meet great… amazing people. And not need me anymore…"

"Need you?" Chip paused at this question and Jay could have saw his shoulders tense. She followed his gaze down to her hand. He still wouldn't look her in the eye.

Was she being too much?   Jay felt her own hand freeze in Chips. Just for a second. No. Chip would tell her if she was being too much, right? She slowly let her hand slip out of his, glancing at it slipping before staring back. His eyes were still on her hand, watching it fall. Chip had encouraged her in the past. He didn't know how to say no. She couldn't rely on him to tell her when she was messing up and ruining everything.

“I don’t need you.” Jay watched Chip’s eyes grow wide. Yet she didn’t look away, even while they hurt to look at. “I want you Chip. We’re friends. Friends don’t need each other. They choose to hang out with each other.”

Chip looked down at where her hand had fallen from, breaking their carefully conducted contact. He pulled away, gently - yet it still held all the pain. "I just don't want to lose you to uni. I can’t be- …I can’t be this overprotective. That’s bad, and I’m… a bad friend for thinking that." Jay stared down. Was he right? She didn’t think of him as a bad friend. But then again… her judgement was clouded. As it always was. Perks of being a Ferin, she guessed. She didn’t answer. She let Chip answer his own question. If he wanted to leave or stay… well it wouldn’t be good of her to protest that choice, even if her heart was begging her too. Even if every atom in her body was begging to clutch Chip like lifeline, like her lifeline-

No, that wasn’t the right thinking at all. Maybe he was right. “Leave then.” Jay felt the words exit her lips quietly, without even having thought them. It was for the best anyways. It wasn't good that she feel this excitement when Chip was near and feel only desolation when he wasn’t - the urge to tussle his candy brown hair too much sometimes and the urge to let him sink into her like a lover-

That couldn’t be normal. The rest of the meeting was silent. Chip was crying, she realised, but Jay’s emotions were elsewhere. Somewhere silent, somewhere where she didn’t have to think about how she fucked up - it was one time goddammit and she’s sorry, she was sorry she was-

He’d left.

He’d left - the door still open and swinging. He must have ran, Jay faintly thought.

She didn’t think again after that, silently shutting the door in front of her, a slight click of a lock as she did, before promptly falling onto her mattress, determined to not think for the rest of the afternoon.

Chapter Text

Jay rolled out of bed, not really caring for looks. Such formalities as dressing and getting some food could be saved for later. For now she just...

...what did she want to do? She groaned, holding a hand up to her head as the weight of yesterday's events hit full force.

Chip had abandoned her. Great. Her one friend who didn't care that she was too annoying or too strict and now she'd gone and scared him off by being too friendly. Jay sat back down on the bed. She was tempted to just go back to sleep honestly. She had class in the afternoon... Some biology class or something. 

Jay kept clutching her head. Was it even worth it? The only thing that kind of kept her going through her dad's torment was Chip and he'd up and left her. And if she went, she'd have to see both Caspian and Lizzie. In other words, the bed was starting to look real nice.A lie down wouldn't hurt. Jay tucked the covers in, soft weight pressing on cold bones as she tried desperately to think of nothing at all.

Jay woke for the second time that day at three. Way after her class had started. Somehow, she didn't seem to care. Even if it was her favourite class -the only one going against her dad's iron fist... - it still wasn't worthwhile. Nothing was....oh god, was she slipping back into depression again? Jay glared at her empty window from her covers. Just another issue for her to deal with.

She hated Chip. She was the reason he left right? No, it must have been his issues. He'd been making trouble before she'd dared to step a toe out of line. Still it didn't make it right. She thought about what she might say to Chip if she saw him. And then promptly dismissed the thought. She didn't need to think about him. She thought about going back to sleep. Sleeping through the day, getting one moment of quiet from her racing thoughts. Before her stomach reminded her she had organs. Organs that needed to eat.

Jay groaned, finally stretching out of bed, wincing as she cracked her knuckles. The food hall would be open soon, right? It was four... No, it would still be at least three hours from now. ...she didn't want to be stuck alone with her thoughts for three hours. There was a kebab place across the road from the university, right? She loaded the map on her phone. Yeah, five minutes away.

...they didn't do delivery. Which meant she'd have to actually get up, get dressed and walk there. Jay sighed, turning back into her covers, switching her phone to her ever flowing social media feed. She'd do it in a bit. Once... once her mind had cleared a little.

'A bit' turned out to be seven hours from then. Jay stood in the cold air of her open university, glaring at the shadows that seemed to haunt her. Going out at midnight wasn't the smartest idea she'd had, but her mind wasn't calm enough to be smart. Her mind had never been smart.

She should have been smarter, she should have tried harder. Maybe then she'd have more friends growing up, maybe then she wouldn't have been pulled from her specialist programs maybe then... Maybe then she have more friends then her dead sister and an arsehole...

Before she knew it, Jay was at the kebab shop, gazing up at the neon lights over it.

"What do you need?" The Turkish man running the store cocked his head at her, sluggish in his movements. Oh right. It was eleven on a Tuesday he was probably meaning to go home in a little bit.

"Uhm." Jay suddenly felt embarrassed of her interrupting, like her standing here was keeping the man here. Obviously that wasn't true, otherwise the store wouldn't have a closing time of twelve on their website, but Jay still couldn't shake the feeling. "Just a small beef kebab." The man nodded, turning around to the small kitchen behind him. Jay kicked her feet, waiting patiently on the street front.

There was another figure moving towards them, one Jay couldn't quite make out until he got closer. She thought against calling out, but it was clear he had already spotted her and was marching straight towards her. Jay gave a small wave and smile and Gillian finally came into view.

He wore a punk jacket, sleeves shredded, with another denim jacket on top. Jay laughed internally at the combination, realising he must have been out and not noticed how cold the weather was. Yeah that was right... Other college kids went out and had parties and drunk until six. Not her. She was crying over a not-even-dating breakup.

She smiled at Gil.

"Hey. Whats up with the outfit?" She didn't mean to call him out on it, it just sorta... came out. That's what sleeping all day will do to a girl it seems.

Gil looked up and down, noticing what he was wearing a little later than Jay did. "Oh, uhm." His face got a little darker, not that it was easy to see under the moonlight and neon. But Jay had a trained eye. "I just got out from a party."

"Nice man." Yes Jay definitely had parties. She was definitely one of the Cool College Kids who did stuff and smoked a little... weed. "Where are you headed?" Not that she wanted to get the conversation off the topic of parties, (that she definitely knew a lot about,) she was just curious. The university dorms were the opposite way from here.

"Ah." Gil piped up at this, just as Jays kebab order came in. "I'm checking in on my sister. Then we'll go over some worksheets and study habits. It'll keep me energised for the semester and all that." Jay nodded as the nice Turk left the kebab on the bench for her with a pat. She picked it up, wincing at the sudden heat. She'd definitely picked a good night for a hot food. 

"Sounds interesting." She threw it to her left hand, hoping to cool the right. "Well I'm off."

Gil only blinked. "Already?"

She held the kebab near her face, unconsciously sinking into the warmth. "I got my kebab!" Gil seemed like he wanted to say something else. Jay paused. Had she done something wrong? 

Then his face lit up again. Like nothing had happened. "Of course. See you around." 

"See ya!" Jay started walking back, throwing Gil an exaggerated wave. Why had she done that? Was she determined to drive everyone away by being too goddamn weird? Was that the real reason Chip left? Why everyone seemed to leave her? She frowned, looking down to her kebab, and shook her head of all those thoughts. Those could be settled another time. She really didn't want to run herself into a spiral at a quarter past eleven at night.

She made it back to the dorm, finishing the kebab on the way and instantly collapsing on the bedsheet. They were surprisingly soft for someone who'd done nothing but sleep all day. Jay found herself tucking herself in yet again, nuzzling the pillow and thinking of warmth of her now-gone kebab. And yet again, promising to focus on nothing else.

It had been three days since Jay had last left the house. Yes, that was including the day she slept through. She was beginning to feel trapped. Even though she knew she could go outside anytime she wanted, her mind would protest. 'No, that's too much energy,' 'There's nothing you need to do out there,' and the worst. 'What if you go out there and see him.'

What Chip would be doing on a university campus and why she had not come up for an explanation yet. Maybe he was seeing someone in the uni, maybe he was stealing the free cookies from the giant library building. It was enough of a thought to keep her inside. Keep her safe. It still didn't stop her phone going off however.

--

Tuesday 

12:04 Cas-Piss: 'You are missing the meeting. Would you like us to wait twenty minutes.'

12:35 Cas-Piss: 'We waited. I'll get Lizzie to send the study notes afterwards.'

Thursday

14:05 Cas-Piss: 'I hope you're okay.'

--

There was no texts from Lizzie. Not that Jay expected there to be. Maybe that made her day better.

However there was a text from an unknown number.

Jay clicked on it.

--

Wednesday 

16:35 Unknown: 'Hey, its Aslana! I noticed you didn't turn up today. No biggie, of course! Just wondering if anythings going on :) PS: Sorry about texting your number without you giving it to me first. The school board has access to a couple of new students numbers for guidance purposes, and I asked if I could message you. Sorry if this is weird!'

--

Aslana huh? She'd messed up her first club without even having to go.

Must be a new world records. Jay turned in her sheets, not wanting to really get up. Today was a Friday however. Her fathers lesson. As much as she'd like to miss it, she didn't want to die. So, Jay tied her hair into a sharp ponytail before lurching out of bed, already wishing for coffee in her hands. God she was a mess.

How would she even handle her dad as her instructor. What about when he found out she switched classes. Jay shook the thought as she turned the shower water on. For now she'd get through the day. Or at least the two hour lesson. Then she could collapse or whatever. She hadn't heard from Gillian yet. Weren't they meant to be doing something...

Shit! The night with the kebab, she was meant to be helping him with his studying. No wonder he looked so sad she'd cut him off early. Shit shit shit! She really fucked up this time. Jay trailed a hand through her hair, letting our a sigh for just a moment. How could she have forgotten.

Maybe she'd need more than one coffee to get her through today. It certainly seemed that way.

Chapter Text

Her dad's lesson was nothing special. He didn't even look at her. 

Somehow, that was more hurtful.

Did he know? He can't have known she'd switched majors, right? Then again, the Ferins were major donors. She wasn't sure what he knew. It made her anxious. He never even called on her, just explained the basics of law and order - why people needed it, what it was and, of course, the ethics of the whole thing.

Jay rolled her eyes. Her father had never cared for ethics. Not in his line of work. She left the class quickly. Even if he'd been ignoring her all lesson, there was a chance he could call her over after. Tell her to stay behind. And, like the dutiful daughter she was, she'd be forced to march right over and bow her head as he'd yell at her.

There were some people in her class chatting by the door. Students who had never spoken to each other suddenly making friends and gossiping about how interesting the lecture had been and how excited they were.

Jay ignored them. She wasn't meant to be here, and even now she felt that. These were students actually excited for these classes. They knew where they were going in life, and were happy about it. She was meant to be in a lab. She could picture it now, lab coat on, surrounding by marine specimen. That was her crowd. Maybe then she could finally be happy. Maybe then she could talk to someone without feeling completely left behind.

But that was to worry about later. Actually attending class had given her a bit more hope in her future. Made her feel a little more present. 

She shot a text off to Caspian. “Sorry. Been really busy.” It was a few seconds later when Caspian replied. She started walking to her dorm. 

--

13:05 Cas-Piss “No issue. Glad to hear from you.”

--

It was the end to the conversation. No asking for notes, or for her to attend their study sessions. It was simply a friendly conversation. She hesitated a moment before sending off the next text. 

--

13:05 Jay Ferin “If you guys still need to study, I'd be down. I didn't mean to skip the last session.”

13:05 Jay Ferin “If not, I might need Lizzie's notes.”

13:05 Jay Ferin “lol”

--

There was a burning sense of shame at the ‘lol’ she'd sent as the last message. But still, Caspian’s response remained pleasant.

--

13:09 Cas-Piss “Tomorrow? It is a weekend, but I believe me and Lizzie can fit in a few hours of study in the afternoon.”

--

She felt her face brighten. She was nearly at her dorms too. She must look like such a loner, smiling at her phone, yet for once she didn't care.

--

13:10 Jay Ferin ‘Sure!’

--

Caspian proceeded to send her all the details as she climbed the stairs, making her smile. They apparently had something on in the evening, but could fit a few hours beforehand. She was grateful, showing that best she could over text. There were a few other missed messages she had to catch up on, but for now she was solely focused on relaxing after class. She unlocked the door to her room and tossed her bag on the spare (Lizzie's) bed.

It was nice, the realisation that she still had control over her life. That whatever she did, she wouldn't be at her father's house anymore. She let herself relax for about fifteen minutes before finally getting up and starting to study. It was hard to admit - with all her complaints of having no roommates - but all the spare space let her focus more. When she finished cross-referencing the notes from class with the textbook, ( the notes she'd managed to take when she wasn't staring daggers into her father's skull ,) it was night.

Jay sighed. It was lonely without a roommate, but she was letting herself accept it. The thought of tomorrow - Lizzie and Caspian - scared her a little. But it was also comforting. They were her people, more than the uptight self-assured law students that littered her father's class. No, she was meant to be with the scientists, the explorers, and she was self assured in that fact. The bed was comfortable. She slipped in gently, holding her phone up to her eyes. It was only nine, but she was exhausted. This was a productive day for her after all! And Jay… she felt productive. Better than she'd felt anytime in the past week. Maybe she was finally beginning to forget about-

Nope! She wasn't even going to think of his name. Like he deserved.

She shot a text off to Aslana.

--

21:08 Jay Ferin “Yeah, some stuff came up. Sorry for worrying you.”

--

Aslana didn't reply as fast as Caspian did. It was probably a good thing she wasn't as phone addicted as the blue haired man. Jay played mobile games until Aslana replied.

--

21:49 Unknown “It's fine :-)”

21:51 Unknown “Are you still interested in the newspaper club? It's okay if you aren't, it's not a very interesting one, unlike engineering and swimming. But we'd love to have you!”

21:51 Unknown “We’d <- Me. I'm the only member so far. It happens, and the more work we do, the more people will want to join us.”

--

Jay hadn't had any interest in newspaper when she'd applied. But she'd had an interest in Aslana, and it felt cruel to just leave the girl in a club by herself. Plus, the ability to be optimistic despite it all was something Jay admired. Something she wanted to harness for herself.

--

21:52 Jay Ferin “Can I check it out?”

21:52 Unknown “Of course! I'm currently there every Wednesday afternoon. Even if you only wanted to come bi-weekly, we could work something out!”

--

Aslana was so understanding. Jay felt a smile quirk her lips.

--

21:54 Jay Ferin “I'll be there next Wednesday if I can make it. Thank you.” 

--

She probably wouldn't have time to attend every Wednesday, so Aslana’s bi-weekly offer was perfect. Aslana sent her details, to which Jay liked the message.

Jay didn't remember what time she got to sleep last night, only that it was early. Despite that, she had a pounding headache. Unfortunate. Lucky for her, it was Saturday, and she didn't have any classes to attend. She did have her study group in the evening, but that was about everything. Great… she probably had to catch up on studying now. That, or somehow absorb the knowledge from the textbook like an alien. To her credit, she did try it for several seconds. Before giving up and opening her workbook. 

Right . She hadn't gone to her biology lecture, but Caspian had sent through Lizzie's notes. She copied them down before cracking open the textbook. She blinked. There was a lot more practical in animal biology than in law. A lot more stuff she'd actually have to attend class for. Skipping class for the past few days was not the wisest choice.

She accepted it, marking anything she didn't understand with a red X and anything she needed more elaboration on with a green X. Her papers looked like Christmas lights at the end, but it definitely helped narrow down her workload. The temptation to say she'd done enough and deserved a break came to the surface, but she denied it. Right now, she was in focus mode. And there wasn't any jolting her out of it. There was a nice view from the window her desk was placed against. Students were below on the grass, with picture perfect picnic mats laid out, gossiping and shouting. When she wasn't hardcore studying she'd take a small break and people watch.

It was sort of sad, seeing people smiling and wishing that was you. Maybe one day, she could have her own group down there, chatting the day away, happy to just spend time with each other. But for now, she was content studying. Hopefully that stuff would come to her… eventually . Plus, she didn't know if she was even ready for new friends yet. Not after Chip.

She blinked back down at the coursework. Right. She better get back to it

The afternoon came sooner than expected. She popped out at mid-day to grab lunch, an apple turnover, and then got right back to it, this time in the cafe. It was harder to people watch here, since there often wasn't many customers, but the ones who did come in made valuable experiences. She'd sat at the same place Gillion had when they'd talked.

Gillion… She still felt bad for the whole promising to study and then not, but then again, she'd made tons of false promises this week. So many things she couldn't commit to.

She tried her best to cast it out of mind. She didn't have his number, but if she saw him around campus… she'd apologise. Maybe ask him if he'd wanted to join the newspaper club with her. 

But then again, he had a triple major. So maybe he wouldn't have time for anything. Maybe she'd never see him again.

Regardless, she enjoyed a small toastie from the cafe, flicking through her work. It was a quiet Saturday, but that was for the best. If she wanted to explore - to finally exit her father's shadow and make a name for herself - she'd have to commit. And that meant tons of study.

Caspian had sent her a text. Jay glanced at her phone.

--

13:30 Cas-Piss ‘Meet in an hour at the campus garden? Lizzie has a notebook, so no need to bring another.’

--

She nodded, before realising Caspian couldn't see her face through text. She sent a thumb up instead.

--

13:30 Jay Ferin ‘Sounds good.’

--

That gave her enough time to drop off her textbook to her dorms, clean up the place a little and then set off. She hadn't done any washing for the week, and she really needed to catch up on it. Of course, it wasn't enough time to run the stuff down to the laundromat, but it was enough to ball it up in the corner of her room, ready to be taken. Jay smiled at the text before clicking her phone off. She had a job to do.

She had no idea why the university had a greenhouse, but she assumed that was what Caspian meant when he said ‘garden.’ Sure enough, she was proved correct when she entered, instantly seeing a table littered with markers and paper. Caspian was the first to notice her entrance and smiled up kindly at her. Jay gripped her bag a little tighter as Lizzie looked up, but no open malice was displayed on the other girls face. She sat.

There was an earthy smell when she was outside and now she was smelling it full force. Grass, moss, dirt, all smelling like it had just rained. She scrunched her nose. She supposed this was where her dad's donation money was going. “What, not used to getting your nose dirty?” Lizzie jeered, more teasing that open hostility. Jay made an active effort to unscrunch her nose, which just earnt another laugh.

“Have you studied any of the material so far?” Caspian asked. Jay nodded. 

“I've -” she pushed her notes out, “been catching up. Sorry I wasn't able to make it on Tuesday some-” at the thought of Chip, she cringed, her breath hitching, “something came up.”

But there was nothing but acceptance in Caspian's eyes. “It happens. I'm just glad you didn't drop the class.”

“Does that happen a lot?”

“Eh.” He shrugged. “For people just starting university… definitely. But it can happen to anyone.”

“Once had a lovely chick in my class, good grades, good looks, had it all-” Lizzie spoke up. “We get to talking… And then all of a sudden, she goes missing. Find out next term that she'd dropped all her classes and gone to New York for a year!”

Lizzie's eyes were shining. Jay leant forward. “Really? Why?”

“No idea. She came back a bit ago all angry at the administration though…” Lizzie lent back in her chair, Jay was surprised the thing didn't break. “I reckon they fucked up her timetable one too many times and she finally snapped.”

“That couldn't have been it, right?” Jay didn't think the university was that incompetent. Lizzie turned to look a her, a sharp look in her eyes.

“No, absolutely not. I reckon the magazine- uh- newspaper club should investigate though, I really want to find out what that bitch was up to.” Lizzie used a lot of swear words, Jay found out. And had some harsh opinions - she'd started telling Jay her conspiracy of everything that had gone down with that student before leaving it and saying she didn't care. Her and Caspian were quite a team, when Lizzie would go on a tirade Caspian would comment to the side, ‘that didn't happen’ or ‘i think you just made that one up.’ Similarly, when Caspian was being dramatic, (Jay learnt he did this often), Lizzie would happily play the straight man. They reminded her of herself and Chip. It wasn't a pleasant reminder, just bitter. She tried her best to ignore it.

She wasn't sure how much studying they'd done, only it was much less than they had planned. She didn't mind, not when it meant she was getting entertained with Caspian's wild stories about his ‘college youth,’ (a year ago.)

And they'd asked questions about her. Jay had to tell them she didn't watch many movies, (a fact Caspian was appalled by, but Lizzie Totally Got. (She had a feeling that Lizzie was as appalled as Caspian but refused to show it.)) She'd told them about moving, even let on that she was doing a double major. Both were horrified at that.

“B-but don't you get any time to yourself? Like, none at all?” 

“Well, I haven't really started it.” Jay scratched her arm nervously. Caspian stared with that blank look of shock. Meanwhile Lizzie had nearly fallen out of her chair.

“You- you are too smart to be a Ferin.” She took that as a compliment.

By five thirty, they'd figured they'd done enough work and decided to call it quits. They'd managed to complete all the practice questions - which should put them leagues ahead of the other groups. And Jay had done her study beforehand, so she didn't mind having the afternoon off. She especially didn't mind when Lizzie asked her if she was doing anything after this.

“It's just, well, Caspian's course always throws these huge parties at the start of term… and end of term… and really any special occasion… I was wondering if you'd like to come.” Lizzie made eye contact for directly one second before breaking it, staring to the ground in front of her like it had personally wronged her. “It's just a house party, nothing special”

Jay’s face lit up. “I mean- really? I'm kind of a stranger I don't know-”

“I wouldn't call you a stranger.” Lizzie interrupted. “But if you don't want to come you don't have to.”

She blinked. Blinked again.

“No… I'd like that. Thank you.”

Lizzie smiled. It must have been the first smile the girl had given her. “Figured you could use a pick me up. Or, call this revenge for missing our Tuesday study meet. Either way you'll love it.”

Chapter Text

The party was being held outside the campus at a rental house. It was already twilight when Jay arrived, but the house was lit with small fairy lights.

It was barely enough to see anything. Lizzie had two bottles of vodka inside her tote bag, clicking against a coke and lemonade. At the liquor shop, she had asked if Jay had any preference. At the time Jay insisted she didn't, but after seeing Lizzie chuck vodka and only vodka into her cart, she shyly asked for a rum.

So that was also clicking around in Lizzie's bag. Jay eyed it. There were so many people here, and she was sure Lizzie was going to hit someone with the heavy bag. But, she didn't, instead smiling up at Jay nonchalantly. She threw a hand out to the crowd, not slapping anyone despite her messy movements. "Caspian knows a lot of people from his Engineering course."

"Engineering?" Jay prompted, glancing at Caspian. He nodded his head faintly, looking down at the two.

"It's a prerequisite to Maritime Engineering. It deals with the basics..." He raised a hand to his hair, sighing. "Which would be grand, if they weren't also forcing me to take Naval Architecture alongside it.... Which is nothing but specifics." Maritime Engineering huh? Jay would have thought you'd be better going to the army for that kind of education, rather than a university. But also... maybe her upbringing had a priority on the army as future career paths. Aka, the only path her and her sister were pushed towards taking.

Her dad was in the navy before he took up law. Jay went to talk before hesitating. Did she really want to talk about her dad?

What she ended up saying was, "My sister worked with the navy as a Ship Design Specialist."

Caspian looked towards her, Jay instantly biting her tongue. Stupid stupid stupid. She'd just made this conversation awkward, everyone was going to politely move on and pretend she hadn't said anything. "Oh really? I wonder if I can get some tips off her." Oh great, even worse. Jay gave a little laugh at herself. Great way to drive this new found allyship in to the ground.

"She's, uh... dead now."

As expected, both Lizzie and Caspian were taken aback. Great. Way to screw this up Jay. There's a reason you're a Ferin. That reason being that you ruin everything around you. "Uhm." She paused, hoping to deflate the situation. Usually people (her dad) would instantly change the conversation when she brought up her sister. These guys might need a bit of nudging. "It's okay though, that was a while ago." Two years to be exact. Lizzie and Caspian were still looking at her. However instead of the shock that had littered their faces before, there was another emotion instead.

Oh great. Pity. "I'm sorry for your loss." That might have been the first time tonight Jay had seen Lizzie without her grin. She hated it.

"As I said." Jay tried not to emphasise anything, tried to remain calm. Jesus, she'd brought this upon herself! "It happened a while ago."

After a second Caspian spoke up. "I lost my father a few months ago. He was also a ship designer."

Now she'd turned it into a pity party. Before she could say anything however Caspian had begun talking. "Small world, eh?" He seemed happy. Like he hadn't been thinking of his deceased father a few seconds ago. Jay blinked before realising this was his way to deflate the tension. To change the topic.

She took it. "Yeah, small world." She agreed.

Lizzie had managed to squeeze them into the couch as soon as someone left their spot. “Score!” 

Jay would have expected Lizzie and Caspian to be talking to the people around them. It was a party after all, a time for socialising. But those two just mainly stuck together. Sometimes they'd break off their conversation to accept a compliment or to greet someone but it never lasted long. They always got back together, talking to each other for hours. It made her feel special. That she was included in their bond instead left outside it, like everyone else. That they listened and talked instead of closing off.

They were inseparable. Jay took a sip of rum and coke. Ugh! Too much rum! She swallowed, throat feeling a bit dry.

“So, why are you doing ecology?” Lizzie had asked after finishing her glass. The alcohol had helped Jay feel more at peace, and instead of buzzing on the edges of the conversation, she was actively participating. Though she wasn't comfortable enough to get drunk yet. Best case scenario, she was walked home by her new found friends and had to profusely apologise in the morning. Worst case she was left here for the night. She didn't want to think about that.

“I'm not sure.” Jay traced her glass with her finger, looking down. “I just… I always liked animals, and how they work. It's the only job I can imagine doing for hours at a time because you are always learning something new.” She looked to the side. Was that too optimistic..? She might been too excited about her future career. Was that normal? 

But Lizzie was smiling at her. “Good for you! That's the same reason I quit nursing, couldn't imagine myself doing it as a job.”

“What do you do now?"

“Economics. It's a bitch of a course. Might change it to something... it still feels like I can't make up my mind.” She frowned before continuing. “Me and Caspian had crossover in the first year, but second all we've got is electives. Which is why we both chose animal diversity.” Lizzie winked at her. “That and it's a cool subject. Of course.”

It was almost as if Lizzie thought she offended Jay. Jay just laughed. “Of course it's cool, it's the coolest around.”

“Of course of course.” The fact Lizzie could just walk from subject to subject amazed her. It took Jay ages to even work up to the fact she didn't like law, and even then she was still taking the subject. 

The rest of the night passed in a haze as Jay drunk more and more. She learnt Lizzie was single - why she brought that up was anyone's guess, Caspien looking as confused as Jay was. She also learnt the two were in second year, a year ahead of her. She'd eventually brought up the courage to mention the room. “Oh,” Lizzie replied smartly, slurring a little. “Well, you aren't bad. I guess I can move back in if you want me I just-” She shot a look at Caspien. Something sad.

“You didn't just move out just because of me, did you?”

“No.” She admitted. “I- well, me and Caspien shared a bedroom the first semester and…it's stupid man...”

“You missed me?” Caspien interjected. He looked down with a wide eyes, like he wasn't sure what he was hearing. Lizzie nodded sourly.

“Sorry for making it your problem Jay I just-” She cut herself off lamely, shrugging and glancing to the side. “I don't have an excuse. I just missed my friend.” 

Jay understood. But that wasn't the end of it. “And what about Gillian?”

She shrugged again. “It was unfair on him too… I'm such a dick sometimes... I assume he's been living with you?”

“No. I don't know where he's been.” Jay had been too caught in self loathing to even think of the other student. A jolt of shame went through her at the thought. At her sentence Lizzie frowned.

“Where's he been s-staying?” She glanced back at Caspien who shrugged.

Jay didn't know either. It must have not bothered Lizzie that much, as she continued what she was saying before. “I can move back tonight. It's stupid, that I sacrificed other people's comfort for my own stupid nostalgia.”

It was stupid. It was exactly what Jay would have done before. She would have done it if Chip and her were still friends. In fact, Chip did do it, breaking into her room for his own comfort. She forgave Lizzie. She could see the reasoning, and felt sympathy for the other girl. She was willing to apologise and right her wrongs. Why wouldn't Jay forgive her? Why didn't Jay forgive herself? “You don't have to move back.” She felt sympathy. Perhaps too much. Lizzie looked up. “I understand… But, if Gillion is fine with staying in my room instead of Caspien’s, and agrees, then you don't have to.” She was fine living with Gillion - if Gillion agreed of course. She felt kinship with her new friends as Lizzie embraced her with a hug.

“Thank you, thank you.” She'd never seen Lizzie even touch others before, this was a big step up. Jay returned it hesitantly. 

Sunday morning started with a hangover headache. Jay groaned, holding a hand up to it. 

“Wake up sweetheart, sun's shining.” That was Caspien's voice. But what was he doing in her bedroom…She cracked an eye open.

Oh.

This was not her bedroom.

Bright red bedsheets greeted her, designed with roses stitched into it. As she looked around she could spot a small kitchen area, (this dorm had a kitchen and hers didn't?) as well as a dining table, currently covered in sticky notes and paper, as well as the two laptops sitting on top of all that. Jay sat upright.

“Oh she's up,” Caspien remarked from the table, before going back to whatever he was doing. Probably studying. She should do some of that.

Lizzie wasn't home. “What time is it?” Jay asked. She was dressed in the same clothes she wore last night - a denim jacket, which underneath had a white singlet, with flared orange pants. Stylish outfit for the night, sure, but in the early morning it was a pain to get out of.

“Eleven.” Okay, maybe it wasn't early morning. Jay finally managed to strangle her way out of the jacket, walking over to where Caspien was. Sure enough, equations littered the paper. A few had question marks next to them, even more were marked with corrections. 

“What are you working on?”

Caspien sighed. “My design professor wants a finished prototype by Wednesday. A prototype that ‘combines elegance and electronics.’ Which is such a vague criteria I-” he sighed again, Jay was beginning to see why. She learnt over. Next to the equations were pencil sketches of various machines. Jay's favourite was a simple rubber ducky which Caspien had added both wheels and a seat to.

She pointed to it. “What about this one.”

“That was my first idea. I like it I'm just not sure…” He looked away, fiddling with his pen. “It might be a bit too childish for the class.”

“I think it looks perfect.” Screw childishness. That was the best design there, which the others just being uninspiring sleek metal machines. “I don't think it's too childish at all.”

“You think?” Caspien's eyes lit up. Jay nodded and he began scribbling down more notes. “Well it is my favourite design out of all of them and-”

He continued rambling, Jay noted how happy he looked as he talked. She felt like that was the exact thing he needed to hear. After about thirty minutes of helping him brainstorm, Jay headed off to her own room. Caspien had really inspired her with his passion for his work. And after all, she needed to do some biology. 

Chapter Text

“Eden, I just-”

“Gil.” His sister's voice was sharp. Sharper than it had ever been. 

Eden paused, before softening her tone. “You can't stay another night. The union meeting is tonight, I don't want you involved in things that could threaten your future. Plus, I thought we got you a room.”

Gillian knew his sister cared, but she didn't understand. He hadn't proved himself to his new roommates yet, he couldn't stay there. “You have I just-”

Eden stood at the door of a small cottage - her small cottage. She'd brought it at the start of the year and it was beginning to feel like home, with soft decorations hanging in every corner and walls painted a vibrant baby blue. Gillian had been staying the past few days while wondering what to do about his roommates - how best to apologise. But it seemed the jig was up. “I'm sorry,” he bowed his head. He could hear Eden's voice yet again soften. 

“Gillian, if something's happening with your room-”

“No it's nothing.”

“-I can get the campus to change it.” He looked up. Eden's hand was in his hair. It was shaking. “But tonight, I need my friends to come over here. It's for the good of the college.”

Gillian knew that. And it was selfish to stay any longer. “I know. I'll sort it out Eden.”

She still didn't look convinced, but let Gillian exit peacefully.

He had study for marine science to do anyways. Moping around Eden wouldn't help. As much as he wanted to.

He didn't do any study in the end, instead lurking outside Caspien's and Lizzie's dorm room. He could hear laughter from inside. He left. 

The dorm halls were empty. Eleven am on a Sunday, everyone had places to be, he assumed. Places that weren't here. The thought to annoy Eden came to him but he shook it off. She was busy. That wasn't fair. Instead, he walked down to where he knew the kebab shop was. Money hadn't been a huge issue so far due to Eden so he handed over a twenty and waited. He'd spent most his nights here after he'd failed to kick Jay out. It was just him and the kebab man. It made it feel like he had company. Like he wasn't completely alone in the world.

“Here ya are,” a gruff voice echoed out. Gillion blinked up to see a lamb kebab neatly held out to him. He must have been zoning out.

“Thank you.” He smiled up. He swore he could see a smile on the other man's face too. At least he could make someone happy.

No more words were exchanged. Gillion prodded at the kebab while doing coursework, vaguely understand the symbols he was meant to learn. He wasn't sure how he'd ended up with three majors. He'd found everything interesting as a young kid, enrolling himself into way too many after school programs. (Did he enroll himself? Or did his elders? It was hard to remember.) He did remember how little free time it left. How he'd always been isolated from the other students. The teachers had looked at him with pity, the students with confusion.

He'd heard about friends from Eden. People who would look after each other through everything. She was his only friend. 

Until she left. But she came back, so it didn't matter. She came back different, but that was okay-!

He didn't need friends. But sometimes, just sometimes, when he sat beside the kebab van and gazed out at the university - he thought he might like some.

“Oh. Hey.” He hadn't even noticed another student approach the cart. He looked familiar, although the ruffled unkept hair and ragged clothes was new to him.

“Hello Chip!” Gillian shook the earlier loneliness from his head and smiled, hoping it looked normal.

The other boy frowned. Maybe it didn't look as normal as he hoped. “How did your… study sess with Jay go?” 

Oh. Jay hadn't told him? “Uh, she-” he looked away. “We didn't go through with it…” It was no matter. But Chip was staring at him as if he'd said something wrong. “Did you get your earring? I'm so sorry it ended up lost.”

Chip nodded, pushing aside ragged hair to display it. It shone under the mid-day sun. “It… meant a lot to me.” He shrugged. “But I would have been fine without it. Probably.” But, it meant a lot to him? Gillian blinked again. Chip was a strange man.

Chip took a seat beside him. While talking, he'd managed to order a kebab of his own, falafel and chicken lining the insides. “Do you- since you missed out on your study session with Jay- I just mean-” he stopped himself.

Gillion tilted his head to the side. “Do you want to study with me?” 

Chip shrugged. “I'm not sure how good I'd be, I don't - really know much of… anything. But if you'd be down I mean-”

His eyes widened. “Of course!” He pushed his notebook towards Chip, shifting his chair so they were closer. His kebab nearly fell off the table as his pen hovered over his notes. “So we're learning Algorithms right now but the functions are-”

Chip was the perfect person to bounce his theories and concerns onto. He'd smile before realising he was actually asked a question, forcing those same questions outloud and working through the basics of them. And that worked perfectly for Gillian, whose was constantly too caught in the specifics to focus on the big picture.

Halfway through, Gillion realised he hadn't helped Chip with anything. The man was like him, right? With three subjects. Maybe he had the same past of growing up surrounded with expectation.

His eyes glimmered. 

Maybe he couldn't have a friend, (because, could anyone with this type of workload really have a friend,) but an acquaintance… A partner, someone who understood. “Chip!” 

Chip’s head was resting on his hand, staring down tiredly at the notebook. At Gillion's yell he jumped a little, blinking up. “W- whatsup?” He slowly ruffled hair out of his face, staring towards Gillion.

“I meant to ask- would you like help with anything? I mean-” It had been hours now, with the harsh afternoon sun baring down on both of them. He owed it to Chip to help the other out - and weren't study sessions about helping the both of them? It was unfair of him to monopolise all the time for himself.

“Uhhh-” Chip went wide eyed. “I'd really like that but- Uh no. This is for the other day. A apology for turning the power out on you.”

“...You did what.”

Gillion wasn't sure it was possible for Chips eyes to get wider. And yet, they did, glancing from side to side. “I mean- that and Jay cancelling her study session on you, did she not tell you about the power-?”

He stopped himself mid sentence. “Right. Of course she didn't tell you.”

“...Explain.”

And so Chip did. Very apologetically. “I mean, we didn't expect it would do all that- If the school connects it's website to it's power that's kind of dumb- but of course, not your fault Gil-”

Gillion stared at him.

Hours of work. All because these two decided to play a ‘prank.’ He was beginning to understand why Lizzie hated them.

“Well…” It was the first words he'd said in a while. Chip glanced up, still apologetic. They didn't mean to do anything bad. But they were still causing mischief. For no reason. He could work with that. Chip was stressed. Like him. It was normal to do things under great stress that didn't make much sense to an outside observer. “That's okay.” He grinned at Chip. Chip gave a half hearted grin back. “I forgive you. Plus the rewrite was much better than the original. You kind of helped in your own way. But I still intend to help you with your work. You are doing three subjects after all, that is an intense workload. After all, what are study buddies for?”

Chips face slowly fell. That was never good.

“Okay I may have lied about a few things-”

What.

Chip was a liar. About so much. “So I'm actually doing five subjects-” He let out a small laugh, internally screaming. The hole he'd dug himself into was cold around him, suppressing him from any human connection. Jay had understood. She'd been the only one who had. 

The truth didn't come easily, as it did to other people. It was a weapon, something unused and stored in the back of his mind, like the other things that hurt him. Right next to Arlin’s expectations of him. Chip shut that thought up quick. He didn't think about Arlin anymore. That's what the alcohol was for. “The other two are ecology and marine science,” those were the two Gillion was doing. An invalid attempt to make the other related to him, so Chip didn't have to be alone, because he couldn't handle being alone again. 

Gillion paused to look at him. Chip could have sworn a glint of suspicion had glittered through those blue eyes, but it was gone as soon as it came. Instead, Chip was met with easy acceptance. Like he hadn't just lied to Gil’s face. 

“So this is helping you as well. No wonder you are so talented.” Gillion shifted his chair closer, eyes trained on his. Chip swallowed.

“Y-yeah.” Another false compliment for another lie he'd spun. Gillion stared at him like he'd hung the stars, entranced with something Chip couldn't see. 

He was so fucked.