Archive of Our Own ^beta

By now, at his big age, Jeon Jungkook can hold his liquor. Very well, in fact, on most days that is, which he’s learned through experiences like Yoongi’s birthday open bar last year, or Hoseok and Jimin’s end of the term dance recital party, or that one Christmas Eve he spent with Seokjin’s family where he got sick all over his Seokjin’s brother’s new shoes. Horrifying experiences, all of them, but they helped shape him into someone who can do consecutive shots of soju and vodka, followed up by fat cups of beer because it’s not his party and he’s not paying. 

However, last night, he, unfortunately, could not handle consecutive shots of soju and vodka followed by fat cups of beer, he concludes as he wakes up with absolutely no fucking idea where he is before he realizes oh, this is Seokjin’s vintage Mario 64 throw blanket he’s under, but still, not his apartment, so he’s still not entirely sure what the hell went down last night. 

It’s foggy, for sure. He remembers getting to the party—the apartment of some girl that Taehyung knows through one of his theater classes—and then being handed a drink by Hoseok, which he made himself, and had some kind of crazy alcohol level to. Hoseok’s a fucking blast, as well as captain of the dance team, which probably explains the way Jungkook found himself in a ridiculous game among the dancers there, in which you had to either do the exact choreography to whatever boy group song was shuffled, or take a shot. Jungkook, unfortunately for him, is much more well versed in the world of girl groups, and so the drinks caught up to him. And then from there, he was moved to another circle, he thinks the rest of his friends were there, and then they were playing suck and blow, and then—nothing. 

There’s one thing that Jungkook is certain of, though. And that, he desperately needs to get to the bottom of. 

“I kissed somebody last night and I don’t know who the fuck it was!” 

It’s perhaps not the most polite way to enter your best friend’s bedroom where he's still sound asleep, but Jungkook is far past the point of manners when it comes to Seokjin, especially when it comes to a life or death situation such as this. 

He stares at Seokjin for a moment, the older still asleep somehow, or maybe he’s pretending to be asleep because Seokjin’s been known to keep his eyes shut until whoever’s trying to bother him just goes away. When Seokjin doesn’t budge, he opens his mouth to speak again, before he is interrupted by another voice behind him, one that’s tired and groggy and a little bit cranky, but very much a friend. 

“Jungkook-ah. I know you’re Seokjin’s super cute childhood friend and all, but if you don’t learn how to use an inside voice soon, I’m going to prepare you as I would sashimi, and grill you on a flame.” 

Jungkook blinks once, twice, looks back to Seokjin who’s awake now, tiredly blinking back before bursting into a fit of laughter, because what else would he ever fucking do. 

“That wasn’t funny, that was a legitimate threat,” Yoongi tells him, still standing in the doorway, cutting his eyes to Jungkook. 

“Forgive me for being a little startled that I woke up in an apartment that’s not mine, with no recollection of how I fucking got here.” 

Seokjin’s laughter finally subsides and he wipes a tear at the corner of his eye, shaking his head. “Yoongi-yah, you’re always so charming in the morning. Breakfast? Coffee? Or I can offer you at least a limb of Jungkookie’s to be prepared the way you would for sashimi.” 

“Hello!” Jungkook waves his hands frantically over his head like he’s trying to direct air traffic or something. “Do you not have any concern that I just woke up in your apartment and have no recollection of it? I need your help.”

“What you need is far out of my powers, sweetie,” Seokjin tells him. “And also—I don’t remember anything from last night either, which is why I’m pretending like I just invited you over here or something. I think I was super fucked up. Yoongi-chi?”

Yoongi shrugs. “I don’t remember much either. How drunk did we all get? I mean… we’re like… adults kind of?”

“Not the A word.” Jungkook grimaces. 

“Actually?” Seokjin rhetorics, just to piss Jungkook off. 

He rolls his eyes and ignores his hyung’s immature sense of humor as he continues, “Ok, so I guess that means none of you can help me with my super important urgent life or death crisis.”

“Jesus, kid,” Yoongi mutters before looking to Seokjin, “Is he always this fired up in the morning?” 

“Yes.” 

“No,” Jungkook corrects, bringing the attention back to him. “I kissed somebody last night and have no recollection of who it was. Not the slightest fucking clue! But it was—fuck, I can just tell it was good.”

Seokjin raises a brow. “That’s your life or death crisis?”

“Jin hyung, you left out the ‘super important urgent’ bit,” Yoongi teases. 

“Right.” Seokjin nods dutifully. “Thanks, Yoongi-yah. Jungkook, that’s your super important—“

“O-k! We get it!” Jungkook claps his hands in annoyance. Here he was thinking his hyungs would be useful. Last time he ever makes that mistake. “You guys just don’t understand. It’s like, I can remember kissing them, I can feel their lips even! But I don't know who it was. I just know that it felt so, so nice. And I wanna feel it again. So I can fall madly in love with them.” 

“You had me at first and then just lost me,” Yoongi admits. 

“You can’t blame me for being a romantic!”

“You say romantic, I say horny.” Seokjin taps his chin like he’s just said something intellectual. Jungkook wishes he hadn’t said anything at all. 

“Whatever, just—can you help?” Jungkook tries whining now, throws in a pout, too, because at the end of the day, he is Seokjin’s adorable dongsaeng first and a human second. “Please. I need to know. Or it’s going to drive me insane. We need a plan. We need to find my true love. We need to hire a private investigator.” 

“We don’t have the money,” Seokjin says quickly. “But we can help. What else do I have to do in life, anyway?”

“Your business classes, your internship, your work for said classes and internship—“ Yoongi easily lists out, but Seokjin pretends he can’t hear him which is why Jungkook adores his hyung. 

“We’ll need a list of everyone that was at the party and a shit ton of chapstick,” he instructs, sitting up in bed, revealing the way he is still wearing the jeans he wore last night. 

Jungkook pays it no mind because he’s seen Seokjin wake up in way weirder states. Instead, he cocks his head. “What’s with all the chapstick?” 

“Amateur,” Seokjin mumbles. “How do you think you’re gonna find your mystery kisser? You gotta lock lips with everyone that was there!”

Curse Jungkook’s romantically horny heart. 

* * *

It’s only natural for Taehyung to be the first person Jungkook would go to about this. Well, not the first, since technically Seokjin and Yoongi were, but that wasn’t really Jungkook’s choice, more of a result of whatever happened last night. Taehyung, however, he’s the one who’ll know. Not only is Taehyung Jungkook’s roommate and other half of his goldfish-like brain, but Taehyung is also a notorious lightweight, which means he never drinks so should be able to recall last night, and he’s also a busy body. If anyone is going to remember who Jungkook kissed, it’s him, and if anyone is going to have the complete guest list from last night, it’s also him. 

“Hyung!” Jungkook calls into the apartment, kicking his shoes off at the door, to which he assumes Seokjin and Yoongi follow suit since they were both ragged along, but he’s in too much of a rush to care. “I have a life or death situation that only your ability to charm everyone into letting you into their business can fix!” 

There’s mumbling somewhere deep in the apartment, which Jungkook assumes is Taehyung’s room, so he makes the quick walk to his hyung’s, not bothering to knock as he opens the door. 

“Oh, gross.” Jungkook grimaces, face to face with Taehyung and Jimin, who are both partially naked, however a respectable distance from each other in Taehyung’s bed. “Why didn’t you tell me you guys were fucking?” 

“We aren’t, we didn’t,” Jimin is quick to correct as if it’s going to erase all the times they did actually fuck.

The thing about Jungkook’s roommate is that he’s probably the greatest guy Jungkook’s ever met. He’s friendly, kind, selfless, funny. He’s also madly in love with Park Jimin, resident tsundere (“I am not an anime character, Jungkook-ah, I am a real person”) and who, for some reason, can’t stand Taehyung, though, for some reason, agreed to regularly hook up with him. Taehyung thinks if he tells Jimin that his eyes are pretty enough times, he’ll wear him down. Jungkook knows that that’s probably true; Jimin’s all bark and no real bite. 

Jimin continues,  “Why are you guys even here? It’s a Saturday morning after we’ve all gone out, shouldn’t all of you be face down in a ditch somewhere?” 

“I live here,” Jungkook reminds him. 

“I was told we were getting brunch,” Yoongi deadpans. 

“Why are you here?” Seokjin asks, eyes flicking between Taehyung and Jimin. “Y’know. Since you two didn’t fuck.”

“I was—“ Jimin starts, snaps his mouth shut, and crosses his arms, defeated. 

“Jiminie was super drunk last night so I took him home,” Taehyung explains. He must realize how bad that sounds, so he adds, “But we didn’t do anything! He threw up on himself, which is why he’s naked.”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re naked,” Yoongi points out.

“He also threw up on me.”

“Ok, we get it, I was incredibly wasted and have no fucking idea what happened last night.” Jimin scoffs. “Happy?”

“Not particularly,” Seokjin says. “Nobody asked you to admit that.”

“Wait a minute—“ Jungkook’s shaking his head. “What do you mean you don’t remember last night?” 

“I mean,” Jimin starts, aggravated because it’s Jimin and he’s almost always aggravated, “that I totally blacked out last night. I don’t remember anything from like—when we started suck and blow on. Did we even play suck and blow? I blame Hobi hyung’s weird punch.” 

“Exactly what I said,” Seokjin says. “Us beautiful bitches gotta stick together, am I right, Jimin-ah?”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“That Jin hyung is hot,” Jungkook explains quickly because he doesn’t have time for ridiculous questions, especially ones that have obvious answers.

“That means, you, too, pretty,” Taehyung tells Jimin, but before Jimin can respond, Jungkook is interrupting, feeling his mystery kisser slipping through his hands already. 

“Taehyung? Please tell me you remember something.”

“Of course, I remember everything.”

“Great! So when we played suck and blow—”

“Oh, no, not that,” Taehyung shakes his head.

“What do you mean not that?”

“I didn’t play suck and blow because Jiminie was playing. The name of the game alone and Jimin in the same context? I would have been popping boners without warning like I was during puberty.”

Jimin sighs. “This is why I don’t let you tell people we’re fucking.”

“Ok, fine,” Jungkook moves on. “But you don’t remember hearing anything about the game? I mean, nobody came to you with like, a super great story about the way I met the love of my life during it?”

Taehyung hums like he’s thinking. “Can’t say anybody did.”

“Goddammit.”

“Why? What’s with all the panic?” Taehyung asks. “And the field trip to my bedroom? I’ve had dreams that started like this before but something tells me it’s not going to end up being as sexy as mine usually are.”

“If you ever think of me naked again, I will sterilize you,” Yoongi tells him, which, of course, just makes Taehyung fucking laugh. 

“Because,” Jungkook starts, pointedly, “I kissed someone during suck and blow last night, and it was fantastic and magical, and pillowy lip heaven, but I can’t for the life of me remember who it was. I remember everything except who the mouth belonged to. I need the guest list. Or well, preferably someone with a working memory from last night, but. Also the guest list.” 

“Easily done,” Taehyung says, of course, which is what makes him the best person in Jungkook’s life maybe ever, but especially right now. “Though, I don’t know everyone on the dance team. They’re nice, but also cliquey and kind of intimidating. The closest I’ll ever get to them is when Jimin comes all over my—“

“Hoseok hyung!” Jimin practically yells, probably in an attempt to get Taehyung to stop. “He’ll know the people Taehyungie can’t fill in. You can ask him.”

“Oh, right, Hoseokie hyung,” Taehyung repeats like it’s obvious. “Hobi hyung is an exception to the whole cliquey dance team stereotype. Hobi will know! You’re so smart, Jimin-ah.”

Jimin shifts deeper under his side of the covers, not bothering to even look at Taehyung as he does. Jungkook doesn’t have time for their weird love-hate-fuck-buddy relationship today, though, because he thinks if he waits any longer on getting this guest list, he’ll start to lose the feeling of the mystery person’s lips, and then he’ll be out of luck for the rest of his life. 

Jungkook checks his phone, ignoring the messages from his mom and upcoming assignment notifications because he has more important things at hand right now. 

“It’s 12:30,” he tells them, feeling a new wave of urgency surge within him. “That means Hobi hyung is in the dance building probably freestyling to ‘90s music.” 

All eyes turn to Jimin, who’s looking bored and still massively hungover, and he blinks back at them, furrowing his brows. 

“What the hell are you guys looking at me for? I don’t wanna be dragged into this. Go find Hobi yourselves, you have his number.”

“Oh, because I wanted to be dragged into this?” Yoongi scoffs. “I just wanted some fucking eggs from the dining hall, at the very least.” 

“Yeah, but you and Jin hyung are married,” Jimin tells him. “You don’t have a choice.”

“Yeah, sweetheart, you don’t have a choice,” Seokjin chimes in, only to bother Yoongi. 

“Jimin hyung,” Jungkook is whining now, crawling into the bed as well, shaking Jimin’s knees in distress. “Please take me to Hobi! You’re the only one who can get into the dance building on the weekends. This is bigger than life or death. This is my romance boner or death.”

“Your what?” Yoongi asks, clearly disturbed. 

“I get those,” Taehyung says. “It’s like a hard-on for love.”

“No, Jungkook-ah,” Jimin says, like it’s final, lips forming in a straight line. “I refuse to get involved.”

* * *

“Hobi hyung!” Jungkook practically squeals, trying to make himself known over the booming ‘90s song blaring through the speakers. How Hoseok can be here after a night they had is beyond him, but Jungkook has also seen Hoseok eat half his weight in funnel cake and then do an entire four-minute choreography routine at one of their school soccer games’ halftime shows, so he’s concluded that Hoseok simply cannot be from this realm. 

Hoseok freezes, halfway through some kind of move where his entire body becomes jello, but he smiles, happy to see them even though only Jimin is the one who is ever here, and right now he’s trailing the back of the group with one of Taehyung’s sweatshirt hoods pulled over his bed head. 

“Hi, guys,” Hoseok greets them, lowering his music, but not stopping it completely so Snoop Dogg continues behind them. “No offense, but why the fuck are you guys here?” 

“No offense, but how the fuck are you here?” Seokjin counters. “We were hammered last night. Please explain to me how you’re not wildly hungover.”

“Oh, thank god it wasn’t just me,” Hoseok exhales with a laugh. “Yeah, I was fucked. But dancing helps get rid of hangovers. There’s something about a pounding baseline that just cancels out the raging headache I always have. It’s like PEMDAS.”

“That cannot be factually correct in the slightest,” Yoongi says slowly, but Hoseok just smiles like the madman he is and they all accept it. 

“Hyung, I need a favor,” Jungkook starts because he’s on a mission and a self-imposed time crunch and doesn’t have time for Hoseok’s horrifying weekend routines. 

“What kind of favor?” Hoseok asks, bouncing up and down on his feet. “Like a friendly drive-me-to-work favor? Or like a sex favor?”

“Do people typically elicit you for sexual favors?” Jimin looks at him, horrified. 

“I’m a dancer, I’m very flexible, Jiminie. You of all people should get it.” 

Taehyung makes a noise—somewhere between a laugh and a moan. “I definitely get it.”

Jimin cuts him a glare. “I’m gonna bite your dick off.” 

“Don’t tempt me with a good time, Jimin-ah.”

“I need a list of the dance team that was at the party last night,” Jungkook says, ignoring the sudden suffocating sexual tension in the air between the two ‘95 liners to his left. “I made out with someone last night during suck and blow and I can’t remember who it was. I would ask you for that answer directly, but I know for a fact you didn’t partake in it because you don’t do organized party games.” 

Hoseok shrugs. “They’re so fascist.”

“They are literally just for fun, Hobi,” Seokjin counters, but Hoseok waves a hand. 

“Anyway,” Jungkook does his best to stay on track, “now I need to kiss everybody that was there until I find the right person. Which—” Jungkook pauses. “Oh my god, this is sounding worse and worse with each passing moment I become a little soberer.”

Hoseok just stares at them for a minute, expression unreadable as a new song comes in through the speakers, Busta Rhymes sounding more like elevator music to them in the silent practice room. 

“Holy shit!” He’s laughing now, an abrupt smile with a clap of his hands. “This is like—your Cinderella moment! Oh my god, this is the best thing to happen since Namjoon accidentally had sex with the biology TA.”

“Namjoon did what?”

“I’ll send you the list of names of everyone there,” Hoseok promises, whipping out his phone. “It’s gonna be easy to kiss them, too. Bunch of horny fuckers.” 

“You included?” Seokjin raises a brow, to which Hoseok goes to reply something equally snarky, but Jungkook stops him instead, a tiny gasp escaping his lips. 

“Wait a minute.” He practically recoils. “That means I need to kiss you people.” 

“Yoongi-yah,” Seokjin turns to Yoongi dramatically, “Even though it will eat me alive seeing you kiss another man, I will not let it ruin our marriage.”

“For the last time, I am not, nor will not, ever be bound to you by the law,” Yoongi deadpans.

“Look on the bright side!” Hoseok says, “You kiss us and find that we’re the ones, it’ll save you a world of trouble! And a hell of a lot of time.”

Jungkook thinks he’s already in a world of trouble. 

* * * 

A long time ago, in a few cities away, Jungkook had a gigantic crush on Kim Namjoon, back when Jungkook wasn’t even enrolled at university with the rest of his current friends, but instead was Seokjin’s neighbor coming to visit for the weekend. Seokjin had introduced Namjoon as one of his buddies from economics, and Jungkook was smitten. Though like most of Jungkook’s horny-driven boy crushes, Namjoon faded away once he got to know him, and realized he much preferred him as a friend, even though he could still appreciate the nice physique of his gigantic body. 

That being said, had it been two years ago, Jungkook would have jumped at the chance to kiss Namjoon, Seokjin’s big, hunky, smart friend. Now, he’s fucking terrified. 

“Why are you staring at me?” Namjoon asks, peering over the student center desk at Jungkook. He’s on the clock technically, some kind of on-campus job because Namjoon is an overachiever, but nothing ever really happens in here except for when students come in for free condoms, so Jungkook and Jimin have decided to keep him company for the afternoon. 

Apparently, Jungkook’s company right now is… intense. 

“What?” Jungkook looks away quickly, busying himself with the pamphlet on school spirit that’s in front of him instead. “I’m not staring at you.” 

“You’re so staring at me.”

“Yeah,” Jimin chimes in. “You’re so staring at him. Do you wanna kiss him, Jungkook-ah?”

Jungkook flushes because, although probably half the campus has heard about Jungkook’s new conquest, it’s different when it has to actually happen. So far, Jungkook’s kissed two people, and cleared it up with three that it was not them he kissed because those people were either A. coherent enough to remember the party or B. did not partake in suck and blow. It’s been less awkward than he originally imagined which is nice, but he’s also the biggest talk on campus right now, to which Jungkook can’t fathom why everyone knows what he’s talking about except for the fucker he actually kissed. It’s like some magical blip in time existed at the same very moment Jungkook locked lips with the love of his life, and now he’s doomed to be the laughing stock for the rest of the semester. 

“No,” Jungkook answers quickly, balling up the pamphlet and throwing it in Jimin’s direction. Then, “Well. Yeah, but not because I want to, but because I have to.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Namjoon mutters with a rub of his temples, which makes Jimin cackle. 

“I can’t believe you’re following through with all this. How’s it even going? Any luck?”

Jungkook frowns because Jimin is annoying and will never understand true love like Jungkook does. “I’ve eliminated some people.”

“You got fewer girls or guys left?” Namjoon asks, interested now, probably only because he wants to make another pie chart or histogram on the data that Taehyung and Hoseok collected about the party-goers. Jungkook thinks his friends might have too much time on their hands. 

“Fewer girls,” Jungkook says. “Which is weird, because the lips felt so soft and nice. You’d think a girl might be like that. But I kissed two girls so far—Momo from the dance team and her girlfriend, Sana, who were both way too chill about all of it, by the way—and it was definitely neither. Though, they did have soft lips.”

“Fucking weirdo,” Jimin mumbles with a laugh, all while Namjoon just nods like he’s taking it all into consideration. 

“So who’s left?”

“Well,” Jungkook starts, mentally racking his brain for the list, “you two. Yoongi hyung. Kim Mingyu, Lee Taemin, Park Sooyoung… god, I hardly know these people.”

“Slut.”

“Go to hell, Jimin hyung.”

“What about Seokjin hyung?” Namjoon asks, eyebrows knit together in thought. The thing about Namjoon is that when he gets really into something, he really gets into something. Bless him. 

“You want him to go to hell, too?” Jimin quips, to which Jungkook just rolls his eyes. 

“What about Seokjin hyung?”

“You’re eliminating him but how,” Namjoon points out. “He played suck and blow.”

“Oh, right.” Jungkook throws a hand like it’s nothing. “Seokjin hyung only drinks tequila when we go out,” he explains, “and I’m allergic to tequila. So had we kissed, I would’ve broken out in a massive set of hives.”

“You’re allergic to tequila?” Jimin does a poor job at stifling a laugh and Jungkook despises him. “Are you also a fucking virgin?”

“It’s an allergy, I can’t help the way I was born!” Jungkook reaches for another pamphlet to throw at him, but Namjoon stops him with a warning look in his eyes. Instead, he just adds, “And I’m not a virgin!” 

“Sounds like something a virgin would say.”

“Please never show your face in my vicinity again.”

“Taehyungie would be heartbroken though,” Jimin decides to tease, which is exactly why Jungkook knows for a fact that Jimin is harboring absurd amounts of feelings for Taehyung, because why would he go out of his way to mention the man he supposedly is merely hate fucking. 

“And you’d like that, no?” Namjoon raises a brow, a knowing smile on his lips. “I mean, you don’t actually like Taehyung, so—“

“Ok, fuck off, I get it,” Jimin cuts him off, a frown plastered across his lips as he does. “Are you gonna kiss Joon or not, Kook-ah. I’m meeting Yoongi hyung for psychics but I’d like to stay if this is going to get awkward.” 

Jungkook eyes Namjoon for a minute, watching as the older boy does his best to keep a straight face, the blush on his cheeks however evident to how he feels. Jungkook clicks his teeth, considering. 

“Not tonight,” he decides. “I need to give my lips a break. Two kisses in one day are too much for my romance boner.”

“Your what?”

“Don’t ask,” Jimin advises. “I’ll see you guys, then.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook agrees. “Later when you’re sucking Taehyung’s face on our shared sofa.”

Jimin leaves with only an upward turn of his middle finger, the door closing softly behind him as he exits the building without another word. 

“So,” Namjoon says after a minute, “you’re not really going to kiss me, right? I mean, we can just agree it wasn’t me.”

“Oh, hyung.” Jungkook laughs. “I so totally have to.” 

* * *

According to Seokjin, the bar right off the campus on a Tuesday is the perfect spot to continue with Jungkook’s kiss list, mostly because it’s two for one beer on Tuesdays, and college students are broke and love beer more than they love their blood relatives. 

“Come on, Yoongi-ssi!” Seokjin is trying to coax his roommate, smile big and voice as charming as he can make it. 

The seven of them are sat at one of the only booths in this place, beers abound, and little care for the way they all have class tomorrow because that’s what college is all about. Apparently, if you’re Jungkook, it’s also about trying to kiss all your friends as well as half the campus, but this is something we’ve already established. 

“Are you Jungkookie’s lawyer now?” Yoongi frowns. “I said no.”

“Just one little kiss, hyung!” Jungkook tries, because he hasn’t made any progress kissing anyone else today and there’s nobody here that’s on his list at the moment besides his friends, so Yoongi is the first target. 

“Why can’t you just believe me when I say I haven’t kissed you?” Yoongi asks, however, not sounding upset over the matter. “I didn’t forget everything. Just. Foggy. Plus, suck and blow was a mess, so I was hardly watching anyone until the card came towards me. I don’t even think I was sitting next to you. I would’ve remembered that!”

“Have you considered Jungkookie is desperately in love with you and just wants to kiss you?” Taehyung offers, a somber expression on his face. 

“No.” 

“Well. You should.”

“I’m not in love with anyone,” Jungkook says before he’s quick to correct himself. “Besides the mystery kisser. I can still feel the sparks if I think about it.”

“Corny,” Jimin tells him, reaching over to take a sip of what’s left of Jungkook’s beer while he’s at it. 

“Don’t care,” Jungkook says shortly. “So you’re really not gonna kiss me, hyung?”

“No!”

“Have you no soul, Yoongi hyung?” Seokjin asks, gesturing to Jungkook. “Look at the poor boy.” 

“I will not look at him. I am forced to look at him every time I enter Jin hyungie and my living room and see that framed photo of him from middle school that hyung insists on keeping out.“

“I fucking hate that picture,” Jungkook says with a glare towards Seokjin. 

“I fucking love that picture,” the elder counters, “It was when you were trying to grow your hair out to look like Neji from Naruto.”

“It was the first time I realized I was attracted to a man!” Jungkook defends himself.

“The man was a cartoon.”

“Still! Made me realize I liked men!”

“Are you talking about Namjoonie again?” Hoseok’s voice interrupts, he and Namjoon making it back to the table with two handfuls each of new drinks. 

“No,” Jungkook says shortly. “When are you guys gonna let that go?”

“When you finally admit that you were the one who wrote Namjoon hyung that shitty poem he found crumpled up under his dorm room door,” Jimin chuckles, like any of this is funny, like that wasn't single-handedly the most embarrassing moment of Jungkook’s life. 

“I think it was sweet,” Namjoon says, just because they all know it was teeny, tiny freshman Jungkook and Namjoon is nice. 

“Alright, lover boy,” Seokjin says, then, sitting up further in his seat and nudging Jungkook in Namjoon’s direction. “Kiss him then.”

Namjoon freezes. “What?”

“Not like that.” Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Namjoon-ah is still on your list, right, JK? Kiss him.”

“What?” Namjoon repeats, a little more panicked this time. “Does it have to be me? I mean, now? Everyone’s here!”

“Bold of you to assume anyone is paying attention to you, Joon,” Yoongi snickers. 

“Fuck off.” Namjoon looks to Jungkook helplessly. “Jungkook-ah?”

“Namjoon hyung,” Jungkook starts, dramatically, because that is exactly what he is, “I need to put me first right now.”

“Meaning… you’re going to keep your dignity and not kiss me in this public setting?”

“Incredibly false,” Jungkook says. “Fucking get over here.”

“Kook-ah!”

“The sooner we kiss, the sooner I can move on!”

“What if it’s him, though?” Hoseok asks. “Does that mean you and Namjoon can rekindle your love?”

Jungkook pauses, eyes Namjoon up and down. Then, “I mean, objectively speaking—”

“No!”

“No, you wouldn’t smash? Or no you wouldn’t kiss me just to help me out right now?”

“No to both!”

“Well, too bad.” Jungkook pouts. “You have to because this is life or death and I don’t wanna die.”

“That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” Jimin says.

“No,” Taehyung answers on behalf of Jungkook. “What’s dramatic is this little fit Namjoon hyung is throwing over not wanting to kiss Jungkookie. He’s so cute! I wish I had been playing suck and blow. That would've meant I was a culprit.”

“Thank you,” Jungkook says to Taehyung, very pointedly at that. “Now, hyung,” he looks at Namjoon, “if I may?”

“You may not, really. But I don’t think I’m gonna win this battle anyway, so fine.” He turns his body in the booth so he’s facing Jungkook and sighs. “Make it quick.” 

* * *

It’s not Namjoon. 

Jungkook is only mildly upset over it, not because he wanted to have reason to fall in love with Namjoon again, but only because he does wish he could just find this mystery person, and move on. However, this doesn’t hinder Jungkook because his mother didn’t raise a quitter and his romance boner has yet to let up. 

He kisses one more person that next afternoon—Taemin hyung, which he was kind of internally betting his money on given the way his lips look so nice—but to no avail. What’s starting to scare Jungkook is the way his list is getting smaller and smaller.

He’s sat at the kitchen table in he and Taehyung’s place, list in front of him that Seokjin forces him to view only in the comfort of his home, because Kook-ah, you can’t go around carrying a list of people’s names that we go to school with, because that’s how people get arrested. He takes out a pen and scribbles across Taemin’s name because he’s both organized and dramatic, and sighs. 

• yoongi hyung

• eunbi

• guy on dance team with two tone hair

• jimin 

• dongmin

That’s all that’s left. At this point, Jungkook doesn’t even know who he wants it to be. Or if he even wants it to be anyone. I mean—true love is true love, right? Plus, Yoongi is subtly cute when he’s not looking like he wants to kill Seokjin. Maybe he wouldn’t be so bad if it ended up being him?

Jungkook is so emerged in his remaining five contenders that he hardly notices when Taehyung’s bedroom door opens, revealing a still very much shirtless roommate, and of course, Jimin. 

“Hey, Jungkookie!” Taehyung greets him with a ridiculous smile because he’s always in a good mood, but he’s in an even better mood after he’s with Jimin. 

“Oh, hey, hyungs,” Jungkook greets. “Sorry, I didn’t know you guys were…” He makes a vague gesture with his hand to the bedroom and pretends he doesn’t notice the way Jimin’s face turns red. 

“We weren’t,” he says quickly. Then, shaking his head, “I mean—we did. We were done.”

“Ok?” Jungkook looks between the two of them as they step further into the kitchen. When nothing seems too out of the ordinary—meaning, Taehyung is unable to look away from Jimin as Jimin pretends Taehyung isn’t there—he decides to move on. 

“Right,” Jimin brushes his hands against his sweatpants which Jungkook hopes is just an extra precaution to the way he also washed his hands after doing god knows what to Taehyung, before taking a seat on the kitchen counter, while Taehyung goes to grab them both water. “Anyway. How’s the kissing going today?” 

“It’s not Lee Taemin.”

Jimin whistles. “Bummer. He’s kinda hot.”

“Maybe,” Jungkook agrees vaguely. “But he’s not the love of my life so what’s it matter?” 

“So who’s left?” Taehyung asks, Jungkook wordlessly sliding the paper across the table where his roommate now takes a seat. 

“Good options,” Taehyung hums appreciatively after giving a quick scan. “Jimin-ah, you’re still on here, you know.”

“I’m aware,” Jimin says cooly. “And I’m not letting him kiss me until he’s kissed everyone else on that list. I wanna be a last resort kinda bitch.” 

Taehyung scoffs, very sincerely telling him, “But, angel, you’re anything but.” 

“Annoying,” is all Jimin says, cheeks tinged pink when he changes the subject. “You only got like—three more days to figure out who it is, you know that, right?”

“What?” Jungkook just stares at him. “Who the fuck is counting me down?”

“Hoseok hyung,” Jimin answers like it’s obvious. “Did he not tell you?” Jungkook stares at him with a look that he hopes conveys how Hoseok did not in fact tell him. “Oh. He’s throwing a party to celebrate how you found the love of your life. He said by Saturday, you should have found them, so. How did he not tell you? Better question, how did you not see the invite? He made Joon hang them in the student center and he shared a graphic to all our google calendars.” 

“I banned Hobi hyung from looking at my google calendar when he used to insert links to cat memes every Monday,” Jungkook recalls. “Fuck. Now I really need to find this mystery person. It’ll be so embarrassing if I show up empty-handed!”

Taehyung shrugs. “No one goes into the student center, to be fair.”

“Not the point, hyung.” 

“Well,” Jimin says, hopping off the counter. “I’ve done my civil duty by informing you of that, I guess, so don’t say I don’t love you.”

“You don’t,” Jungkook tells him. “You remind me of that every time I write I love you, bro in your birthday cards.”

“Don’t care.” Jimin looks between them. “I’ll see you guys later.” 

His gaze lingers on Taehyung for a minute, Taehyung giving him a stupid grin and a wave, and Jungkook’s no expert, but it looks like Jimin’s about four seconds from completely devouring him, so Jungkook clears his throat in an attempt to break up what seems to be some very scary tension. 

“Right.” Jimin blinks. “Bye.” And then he’s gone.

“Anyway,” Jungkook reaches across the table to snatch the list from Taehyung. “I’m thinking of just sticking a fork in a socket. That’ll be easier than this whole ordeal, right?”

“Oh, come on,” Taehyung laughs. “You can’t give up that easily! What about your romance boner?”

“It’s ruining my life.”

“It’s supposed to be keeping your life interesting.”

“Easy for you to say,” Jungkook spats. “You’re getting fucked regularly by a hot guy who you are deeply in love with, and I’m kissing random strangers in an attempt to get fucked by a hot guy that I’m deeply in love with.”

“Or girl.”

“Or girl,” Jungkook adds. Curse his bisexual little brain. “But not in the strap kind of way, just so we’re clear.”

Taehyung shrugs. “I’m simply gay, I don’t know nor care what it’s like for straight sex.”

“My point still stands,” Jungkook says. “You’re not allowed to talk right now. Not when he just left and you’re still half-naked.” 

“We didn’t even fuck,” Taehyung defends himself. “Actually, we haven’t in a while.”

“What?” Jungkook raises an eyebrow. “He’s here like—every night. You guys were making out on this very table Monday.”

“I won’t apologize for that,” Taehyung shakes his head. “But, no. We’ve just been—talking? I guess. I think Jiminie finally realized that I actually do really like him and, while the sex is really fucking awesome—”

“Gross.”

“—it’s not all I’m after, you know?” Taehyung smiles to himself, which is so sweet Jungkook simultaneously wants to cry and throw up. “He won’t admit it yet. But I think he likes me. I’ll wait forever if I have to.”

“Ok, what the fuck?” Jungkook frowns. “Why was that so nice and heartfelt? We were just talking about me possibly getting pegged by a woman and now—that?”

“Sorry,” Taehyung apologizes. “You can give me the birds and the bees talk if you wanna talk more about sex with a woman.”

“I would rather die.”

“Thank god because me too.” 

“Regardless,” Jungkook starts, “I’m happy for you. Though that doesn’t really explain why you’re still practically naked right now.”

“Jiminie likes cuddling. He says I’m warm.”

“That’s disgusting, for some reason.” Jungkook shudders. “And this totally furthers my point that Jiminie hyung’s a tsundere.”

Taehyung’s eyes light up. “That makes me the main character that’s sexy and everyone likes despite my flaws and tragic backstory.”

“Sure, hyung,” Jungkook agrees easily. 

He needs a break from this main character bullshit, anyway.  

* * *

Jungkook has been sitting on Seokjin and Yoongi’s sofa for the better part of the evening, waiting for the older two to get home from classes or interning or whatever other things they’ve both decided to take up in an attempt to get rid of Jungkook, which is obviously not working because he still knows the apartment code and has come today with one mission. 

He needs to kiss Yoongi. 

It wasn’t Dongmin, not Eunbi, not that guy with the two-toned hair from the dance team whose name still escapes him. And with Jimin being a last resort—well, Yoongi is the only option. 

He’s halfway through some nature documentary he doesn’t care about and applying chapstick for the eighth time that hour when the door finally clicks open, followed by Seokjin’s animated voice and the shuffling of Yoongi’s feet. He freezes, looking up at the framed photo of himself and glaring for a moment, like Neji cosplay Jungkook is mocking him, or maybe he’s wishing him luck, current Jungkook can’t really tell under the horrible mess of hair that’s on his head. 

“Jungkook-ah!” Seokjin greets him once his shoes are kicked off, Yoongi following close behind him. “What a surprise you decided to break into Yoongi and I’s home once again.”

“We need to change the door code,” Yoongi mumbles, taking a seat in the space next to Jungkook. 

“That’ll never stop me,” Jungkook says. “You’ll need to barricade the door with iron if you wanna keep me out. You’re my two favorite hyung’s!” 

“You said that to Hobi two weeks ago.”

“I was lying,” Jungkook brushes off. “Anyways.” He turns towards Yoongi, making his eyes big and smile sweet and as impossibly cute as he can so Yoongi can’t say no. “You’re looking particularly kissable today, Yoongi hyung.”  

Yoongi blanches, slumping down into the couch further with a dramatic groan then, and Jungkook thinks he can physically see his soul leave his body. “Get out.”

“Hyung!”

“No.”

“But you’re the last one left!” Jungkook is one step away from getting on his knees and begging. “Seokjin hyung, help me.”

Seokjin laughs, taking a seat on the chair across from them, shrugging. “My dear Min Yoongi is too much of a free spirit now. I can’t hold him down any longer, Jungkook-ah. Not even for the greater good of humanity.”

“This is not ‘the greater good of humanity,’” Yoongi says, “this is the most ridiculous plot I have ever been written into.” 

“Think of it this way,” Jungkook tries, “if I find the love of my life, that’ll be less time I spend bothering you guys here because I’ll be bothering them elsewhere.” 

“Like you’d ever give up on bothering Jin hyung that easily.”

“I would if the love of my life was somehow better than Jin hyung!”

Yoongi hums like he’s thinking. It’s quiet for a while, just Yoongi dragging out a never-ending hmm and Jungkook would think he’s broken if not for the subtle way his left eyebrow keeps twitching, a telltale sign that Yoongi is deep in thought. Finally, he speaks. 

“Fine.” Jungkook hardly has time to celebrate before Yoongi is looking at Seokjin, glaring. “Give me your phone. And if you ever tell anyone about this I’ll tell everyone about the time we fucked and you cried.”

“You guys did what?” Jungkook nearly panics, head whipping between his two hyungs who hardly pay him any mind. 

“Fair enough.” Seokjin hands over his phone. “And you’re taking my tears to the grave, by the way.” 

Yoongi turns back to Jungkook, nodding. “If you don’t do it in the next six seconds, you’ve missed your opportunity.”

“Wait—but you guys just admitted to me that you fu—“

“Six, five, four—“

“Ok, ok!”

And then Jungkook’s kissing Yoongi, long enough to get a good feel of his lips, and when he’s not, pulling away to be faced with the same Yoongi expression as always, the realization hits him suddenly and like a ton of bricks. 

“So?” Seokjin asks, quirking a brow. “Is it Yoongi-ssi? Are you guys gonna get married and have children now? Can I be the godfather of all of them?” 

“No,” Jungkook says, eyebrows furrowed as he shakes his head. “It’s not you, hyung.”

“Could've told you that.” 

“Shit,” Seokjin swears, lackluster. “So if it’s not Yoongi then who?”

He swallows. “Jimin.” 

“Jimin?” Seokjin repeats like he’s never heard that name in his life. “Oh, god. Jimin.” 

“What’s with the ‘oh, god, Jimin?’” Yoongi asks. “A second ago you were pretty gung-ho about it being one of your friends, so what’s the problem now?” 

“Jimin,” Jungkook begins, “as in Taehyungie hyung’s Jimin. As in the Jimin who, in a recent development, most likely reciprocates those feelings for Taehyungie hyung.”

“Shit,” Yoongi agrees. “And for the record, that’s not a recent development at all. Jiminie has been disgustingly pining after Taehyungie for a solid year now.”

“True,” Seokjin says. “Remember he went to all three nights of Taehyungie’s play just because he said he wanted to ‘heckle him?’ He never heckled. Not even a little bit.” 

“And now he’s the apparent love of my life and I’m an awful friend because here I was, conducting this entire insane plan, just for it to be the love of my best friend’s life.” Jungkook wants to die. This must be the universe’s way of laughing at him for all those times he might’ve made a wrong. “What the fuck do I do?”

Seokjin reaches over to pat Jungkook on the shoulder, an attempt to comfort him. “Do what they always do,” he says, “go to Hoseokie’s party tomorrow and just get wasted.” 

Jungkook grimaces. Because the last time that happened it turned out so well. 

* * *

Despite the way he feels his impending death coming at the realization that Jimin, the man he absolutely cannot have, is the love of his life, Jungkook goes to Hoseok’s party. He figures it’d be suspicious if he didn’t, so he’s just been avoiding the question of Jungkook-ssi, who ended up being the one? that random party-goers ask him by shoving more shots in their face. It works about nine out of ten times, and on the one out of tenth time it doesn’t, Jungkook pretends Seokjin is calling him and walks away. 

The only time he can’t do that, though, is with Taehyung, who’s his best friend and roommate and nicest person on the earth, who Jungkook can’t lie to at all. It’s been hard avoiding the question. 

He got lucky after he returned home from Seokjin and Yoongi’s last night, Taehyung’s door shut closed, with Jimin’s shoes left by the entranceway to their apartment. To make things a little bit worse, all Jungkook had heard coming from behind the door all night was a soft conversation and full-on giggling, which makes Jungkook kind of wish they would just go back to (one-sided) (allegedly, that is) hate fucking, because that at least warranted him either A. leaving the apartment to stay the night with Seokjin or B. putting on his noise-canceling headphones and never leaving his bed until Jimin left. 

But when Taehyung had walked Jimin to their front door this morning, very sweetly and very chivalrously, Jungkook didn’t have it in him to tell his friend the truth when Taehyung had returned to the kitchen with a “so was it Yoongi?” 

Now, he’s been avoiding him.

No matter how flawed that plan may be. 

“You know you can’t stay away from him forever, right?” Hoseok asks, doing a great job of pretending that Jungkook hiding behind a lamp is normal. 

“Yes, I can.”

“No, you can’t,” he argues. “He is literally your roommate.”

Jungkook sighs, stepping out from his beloved hiding spot. “I know. I’m in denial. Much like I am in denial over the fact that Jimin hyung is the one I kissed last week. I mean, what are the odds? What is my luck?“

“Pretty nonexistent, I think.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Look,” Hoseok says, “maybe you should just come clean. They won’t mind! It’s not like you want to be a homewrecker and date Jimin, so. What’s the harm in telling the truth? Besides, if one more person asks me who the mystery kisser is and I reply with ‘oh, you know! That guy!,’ I’m gonna lose it.” 

“You have a way better strategy than I do,” Jungkook huffs. “I just keep pretending Jin hyung is calling me across the room.”

“Yeah, I know,” Hoseok says. “You did it to me before when I asked how you were.” 

“Sorry,” Jungkook apologizes, ashamed. “I just feel stupid. And like—disappointed? I got all worked up over who it was gonna be, and was so excited, and was so ready to fall in love and then. Nothing. It’s just a letdown, you know?”

Hoseok pats him on the back sympathetically. “I get it. But that doesn’t mean that the door to love is shut forever!”

And because Jungkook’s life is comical and terrible and the universe is useless, some fucker decides that right then would be the best time to butt in and shout out—

“We’re playing suck and blow!” 

Who even invited this guy? 

“Are we sure we wanna do that?” Hoseok asks with a nervous chuckle. “I mean—we need to play responsibly! Because we all know how it turned out last time for our sweet, little Jungkookie!”

People mumble incoherent agreements and jokes except for Park Jiwon who opens her big mouth and has to ask—

“Who did it end up being, anyway?”

“Oh, you know!” Hoseok throws a hand, ushering them all to a circle, away from Jungkook. “It was that guy!” 

“Hey.” There’s a tap on Jungkook’s shoulder and a voice he recognizes as Seokjin’s. “You ok?”

Jungkook isn’t really, he doesn’t think he has been for quite some time now, but instead, he shrugs. “Fine,” he says half-heartedly. “I mean, my life’s kind of been a huge laughing mess for the past few days. Might as well go all in and play this horror of a game one more time, right?” 

Seokjin pats him on the back. “That’s the spirit,” he encourages. 

Jungkook decides to suck it up (pun not intended) and pretend it is the spirit, because all these people Hoseok knows are here to celebrate the love of his life that he didn’t find—well, technically he found him, but can’t be with him—so the least he can do is participate in this game and at least give off the idea that he doesn’t feel like crying over the fact that he kissed so many people for no reason and probably has mono now. 

Anyways—

“Jungkookie should start!” 

“Great idea,” Jungkook says in response to the party-goer who can’t seem to mind their business, who he also hopes can’t pick up on sarcasm too well. 

“Or maybe—he should get a break,” Yoongi offers, and thank god Yoongi’s joined the circle, seating himself somewhere by Namjoon and a girl that Jungkook’s pretty sure he kissed sometime this week. “Y’know. Jungkookie’s lips have been working so hard lately. It’ll just be a shame if the card falls and he’s gotta put them to more work.”

The fucker nobody (read: Jungkook) invited seems to agree as he directs the start of the game elsewhere, and Jungkook gets to breathe. And logically he knows that the only real way he’s going to kiss somebody is if the card actually falls, but he’s kind of nervous and jittery given the fact that the entire campus is breathing down his neck, so he thinks if the card comes towards him right now, he might very much drop it. 

“You look like you’re gonna shit yourself,” Seokjin mumbles to him, worried look plastered across his face, however, not at all concerned with how the card is easily passing among their circle right now. 

“I’m not.” Jungkook huffs. When he glances across the room and sees Jimin and Taehyung subtly tangled up together on the old couch past the game, he feels the need to add, “I haven’t shit myself since like—my youth.” 

“Ok?”

“I don't know why I said that,” Jungkook admits. “Jin hyung, I think I have PTSD.”

“Should we see a doctor?” Seokjin asks, sincere. “Or like, should I call your mother?”

“Seokjin-ssi, look alive!” somebody shouts, and then the card is on Seokjin’s lips, and then Seokjin’s turning to Jungkook, and Jungkook’s leaning and can practically feel the card against his lips, thinks he’s got it, thinks he’s beat this whole traumatic experience once and for all, too, until the cards gone, dropped somewhere in his lap and then it’s Seokjin—his Seokjin hyung’s lips on his and wait, that’s kind of nice, but wait—holy fucking shit. 

“Again, Jungkook-ah?” Namjoon is whining, the rest of the circle laughing and wolf-whistling, and someone in the crowd is still fucking asking who even ended up being the mystery kiss, but it all sounds like it’s underwater to Jungkook because he’s going through a mild crisis right now. 

It was never Jimin. 

It’s Seokjin. 

* * *

Jungkook tries to think back to when his life became such a tragic comedy. 

Maybe it was when his mom found him watching a video simply titled Boys Kissing on youtube at age nine. Maybe it was that one-time Seokjin convinced him heavy eyeliner was trendy, so he walked around like that for two whole years, despite the fact that it was never trendy, not in 2013 anyway, and Seokjin himself never even walked around like that to begin with. Maybe it was when he thought he was in love with Jimin, who was basically his best friend's new boyfriend. 

Or maybe—just maybe! It was now, where he lay in his bed, lips still tingling because it was Seokjin, it’s been Seokjin the whole goddamn time; Seokjin is the god-forsaken love of his life, and he hasn’t the slightest idea what to do about it. 

He practically fled the suck and blow circle after he and Seokjin’s accidental lip lock. He told everyone he just needed to refill his drink, and that the game was dumb anyway because he had already found the love of his life, to which Hoseok provided was that guy. In reality, he locked himself in Hoseok’s bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror, trying to come up with a good enough logic that would explain how Seokjin was the one Jungkook had kissed. 

Nothing about it really makes sense, though Jungkook supposes nothing about this whole situation does, but Seokjin was one of the first people they ruled out entirely. Seokjin typically only drinks tequila, and Jungkook’s allergic—the math was mathing. So how is it that he didn’t wake up in a horrible set of hives that next morning last Saturday? Jungkook could say he doesn’t have the right set of lips, he guesses. But—he’d know. He’s dreamt of these lips for a terrifying amount of hours during the day and even one very vivid dream while he was asleep. It was Seokjin. Regardless of how there’s no doubt in Jungkook’s mind that it wasn’t him. 

This brings Jungkook to his next hurdle—he’s in love with his best friend. 

And that’s… well. Jungkook has never seen Seokjin as anything more than a friend. Sure, he’s handsome and caring and funny and knows Jungkook inside and out, but Taehyung is also kind of those things, so it’s not like Seokjin is special or anything. 

On the contrary, Jungkook has never been in a desperate search for Taehyung’s lips, because he was apparently very much in love with him. Jungkook wishes he could be normal for once and believe in something like love at first sight rather than love at first kiss. 

He groans, the only acceptable way he feels he can react to this situation right now, and within seconds, his door is open, Jimin on the other side, making Jungkook jump. 

“What are you doing here?” He clutches his comforter up further on his body like that’s going to protect him from the intensity of Jimin’s glare. “And what time is it?”

“Late,” Jimin says. “And here as in your bedroom or your apartment?”

Jungkook pauses, thinking. “Both?”

“Pretty sure you know the answer to the second one,” Jimin says with a scoff, and with one quick look at Jimin and the hickey blossoming at his neck, yeah, Jungkook knows why he’s here. 

“Gross,” he mumbles. “I’ve been here the whole time!”

“Yeah and you didn’t once bang on the wall to tell us to keep it down,” Jimin points out. “Are you ok? You looked kinda pale after leaving Hobi hyung’s and have been sighing profusely for the past ten minutes. Loudly, by the way, because I could hear you from the kitchen.”

“Are you eavesdropping on me?” Jungkook quirks a brow. “Can’t a man sigh in peace?”

“I wasn’t eavesdropping. I’m waiting for Taehyungie to be done with the shower, meaning I’m minding my fucking business, but can still hear you. Did you not want to be heard? Because if that’s the case, you should probably work on—“

“It’s Seokjin hyung!” Jungkook blurts out, immediately covering his mouth with his hands, eyes going wide. Which, great going, Jungkook, because Jimin doesn’t understand what that even means without context, so snapping his jaw shut definitely made it suspicious. 

Jimin looks around. “Where?”

Jungkook lets out a long uhhh , trying to derail the conversation. “In the… study. With the candlestick.”

“What?”

Jungkook sighs again, probably the loudest of the entire hour or however long he’s been doing this dramatic sighing thing. “Jimin hyung, you have to promise not to tell anyone.” 

“Ok?” Jimin looks at him like he’s got nine heads and steps into Jungkook’s room a little further. 

“That’s not enough,” Jungkook says. “We need a blood oath.”

“No, what we need is for you to lighten up.”

“Lighten up!?” Jungkook scoffs. “Impossible. Fucking impossible when you hear the horrible realization I’ve just gone through tonight and am about to share with you.”

“Well, sometime today might be nice.”

“Don’t rush me! This could change the trajectory of—“

“What’s with all the yelling and sighing?” It’s Taehyung at Jungkook’s door now, hair wet and cheeks flushed pink, either from the heat of the shower or leftover from whatever he and Jimin had done together because he’s down that badly. “I almost pulled a Jungkookie and banged on the wall from the bathroom but—“ Taehyung giggles. “—you didn’t do that to us tonight so I decided to cut you a break.” 

“Jungkookie is trying to get me to bleed for his secrets.”

“Oh,” Taehyung says like that’s all very normal. “What is it now, Kook? Like that time you made me take a blood oath over when you pissed yourself while we were watching The Host?”

“Hyung!”

“It’s ok, the movie scared me, too.”

Jimin snickers. “Not as much as it scared Jungkookie.” 

“Can you guys just leave?” Jungkook turns over and pulls the blankets all the way up to his ears. “This isn’t funny anymore. Actually, it hasn’t been. And neither of you are helping.”

“Hey,” Taehyung says softly, using that voice he only uses when he’s trying to calm down Seokjin after losing in a game of League or Jimin when he gets all flustered and embarrassed when Taehyung tells him he smells like freshly baked cinnamon rolls. “You can tell us, JK, seriously. I’m sorry for making jokes. You seem upset.”

Jungkook fights back a sigh because he thinks if he releases another one, Jimin might start charging him for them. He feels the bed dip at the end, which he assumes is Taehyung, and then there’s a gentle hand grabbing at where his ankle is under his mound of blankets, and he knows for a fact it’s him. 

“I thought,” Jungkook starts, mouth dry, “I thought it was Jiminie hyung that I kissed.” He peeks his head out from the comforter to see his two friends just listening intently, so he continues, “And I had a moral dilemma because you guys are—” he pauses, trying to phrase this the best way that won’t provoke Jimin’s inclination to deny his feelings for Taehyung, “—well. Obviously, I’m not into Jiminie.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jimin snaps, offended. 

“Yeah, what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Taehyung echoes, so Jungkook just fixes him with a look, and Taehyung nods a silent oh that means he gets it and appreciates Jungkook’s willingness to abide by bro code. 

“Anyway,” he continues, “that’s why I was avoiding both of you, and never really told anyone who the mystery kisser even was, but—well, we played suck and blow again tonight and I am seriously awful at the game.”

“Don’t tell me…”

“I kissed Jin hyung,” Jungkook sounds like he’s exasperated and he supposes he really is because the past week has been the longest week of his life. “I kissed Jin hyung tonight and last weekend. He is my goddamn mystery kiss.” 

There’s silence for a minute and Jungkook thinks he can almost hear the way Taehyung is trying to come up with something to say next, something to fix this, or at least console Jungkook for right now because that’s just the kind of friend he is. Instead, however, he hears Jimin, a low whistle followed by a—

“No offense, but your life keeps going from shitty to shittier.”

Jungkook turns over in his comforter cocoon to look at his hyung pointedly. “No offense, but fuck you.”

“Sorry.” He doesn’t sound like he means it.

“Ok, wait a minute.” Taehyung is shaking his head, trying to make sense of the situation. “You kissed Seokjin hyungie.”

“Yes,” Jungkook confirms. “I don’t think I really need the reminder, hyung.”

Taehyung ignores him. “Which means Jin hyung is the mystery kiss, which means he’s the one you’ve been romance boner-lusting over for the past week.”

“Please don’t say romance boner-lusting when it involves Jin hyung,” Jimin says, grimacing on behalf of Jungkook.

“You’re gonna tell me that’s not what he was doing?” Taehyung looks at Jimin. “I heard Jungkookie described how heavenly Seokjin hyung’s lips felt for twenty-three minutes on Wednesday at lunch.”

“But that was before I knew it was Jin hyung!”

“Ok,” Taehyung says evenly. “So now that you know it’s Jin hyung, would you still describe his lips as, and I quote, ‘if two angels had sex on a cloud made of sugar?’”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Jimin frowns. 

“I think it gives a very descriptive feeling,” Taehyung says with a shrug. “Kissing you is kinda like that.”

Jimin turns a faint shade of pink. “Can we please focus?”

“Right,” Taehyung agrees, “so Kim Seokjin?”

“I can’t change the way his lips felt against mine, so like—fine. Ok, technically, since it was Jin hyung that I kissed, yes, his lips still feel like two angels fornicating on a candy cloud, and like, yeah, they kind of are the softest fucking lips I’ve ever had the pleasure of kissing.”

“‘The pleasure,’” Jimin repeats, but Jungkook’s getting way too lost in his thoughts right now to really clock what he’s just said. 

“And, I mean—objectively speaking, Seokjin hyung is handsome. I have eyes. And maybe, like subjectively speaking, Seokjin hyung is actually kind of hot. He’s tall and broad and kind of has pretty eyes, but—lots of people do, you know?”

“Right,” Jimin nods, sitting into his hip as he asks, “Hey, just wondering, Kook, what do you think of Taehyungie’s eyes?” 

“Huh?” Jungkook blinks at him. “I don’t think about them.”

“Right.”

“Anyway,” Jungkook continues, “all that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m in love with Jin hyung. There would have to be more incriminating evidence, you know? Like, ok, fine, like, there was that one boyfriend Seokjin had that made me mad for no reason. And then that other boyfriend he had, that I also hated. Come to think of it, I don’t like a lot of the guy’s Jin hyung dates, but maybe he’s just bad at picking them.” Jungkook’s rambling now, just a subconscious stream of thoughts that he’s lost all control over. 

“And while we’re on the topic because I’ve been dying to ask somebody this for a hot second—”

“What topic are we even on?” Taehyung asks, glancing between Jungkook and Jimin.

“—is it normal to have a sexy dream about your friend? Because one time I accidentally saw Jin hyung naked—”

“Jungkook-ah,” Taehyung stops him, giving him a sympathetic look. 

“What?”

“What do you mean what?” Jimin scoffs. “Hello? You’ve been in love with Seokjin hyung the entire goddamn time.”

“What?” Jungkook pauses, not only recounting the way Seokjin’s lips felt against his the two brief times he had tasted them, but also the past twenty-something-years of their friendship, all the times he might’ve been staring a little too long, or the times when his big brother teased him about the teeny crush on his best hyung or the way when Jungkook had his first kiss he felt gross and disappointed because, for some reason, he always thought it might be Seokjin, just for convenience sake, and—

“Oh god. I’ve been in love with Seokjin hyung the entire goddamn time.” 

* * *

If Jungkook was in some kind of romantic comedy or cheesy romance novel with a muscular, shirtless man on the cover, he guesses this would be about the time that he confesses to Seokjin, tells him he wants to spend the rest of eternity wrapped in his big capable arms and that it’s been him, it’s always been him, or however that line goes. Instead, he avoids Seokjin for as long as he can without it becoming suspicious and then decides that enough is enough, and hauls his ass to his best friend’s apartment two days later, in an attempt to confront what might be the beginning of the end. 

At this point, Jungkook’s romance boner has already been through the wringer; it can’t really get worse, can it?

(Don’t answer that.) 

He knocks on Seokjin’s door and stands with his hands folded like he’s a girl scout or a door-to-door bible salesman and not Kim Seokjin’s best friend, who knows the code to get in and has used it countless times. He feels weird doing that right now. In fact, he feels weird being here at all. Maybe seeing Seokjin right now isn’t the best idea. Yes, maybe he needs to meditate on it all a little bit more, and head back home so he can think this over with—

“Jungkook-ah?” It’s Yoongi that answers, eyebrows sitting on his face with pure confusion. “You’re not the delivery guy.”

“No, I’m not,” Jungkook confirms. “I’m… this is Jungkook.”

Yoongi blinks. “Yeah. I fucking got that. Why did you knock?”

“Because I’m polite?”

“Ha!” Yoongi cackles. “You literally are here more than me half the time. And I live here. You’re not polite. You’re like a leech.” 

“Hey!”

“Jin hyung!” Yoongi calls into the apartment, opening the door further for Jungkook to step inside. “Your leech is here!”

“I am not a—“

“Jungkookie!” Seokjin enters from the kitchen, looking excited to see him because he kind of always looks excited to see him, and maybe that’s part of the reason why Jungkook likes him so bad, even if it is disgusting to admit. “My favorite leech. Why the fuck did you knock on my door?” 

“Exactly what I said,” Yoongi points out. 

“I’m polite!” 

“You are not, but that’s a very cute lie,” Seokjin counters. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Jungkook mumbles, startling when he notices the way Yoongi starts pulling on his shoes, which means he’s leaving, which means it’s going to just be him and Seokjin alone. “Wait a minute. Where are you going, Yoongi hyung?”

“Hanging out with Joon-ah? We have music theory homework.”

“So you’re leaving me?” Jungkook asks. “To be with Seokjin hyung?”

“Yes?” Yoongi looks at Seokjin. “Are you gonna murder the kid or something?” 

“Not without good reason.” 

Yoongi shrugs. “Any reason can be a good reason if you really think about it.”

“What does that mean?”

“That’s why I’m in love with you, Yoongi-yah.”

“No, you’re not,” Yoongi tells him, even though they all know that, and then he’s gone, shutting the door behind him. 

“So where the hell have you been?” Seokjin asks, flipping down on his couch, obviously waiting for Jungkook to follow suit. “I haven’t seen you since the party.”

Ah, yes, the party where we kissed and it sent me into a downward spiral full of realization and agony, is what Jungkook wants to say. Instead, he takes a seat next to Seokjin and shudders, hopefully comedically. 

“Don’t mention the party to me. Actually, I’d like it if you don’t mention anything that pertains to the last week to me.” 

“So I guess I can’t ask if there’s a reason why I haven’t seen you since the last party?”

Jungkook feels his palms get a bit sweaty and he swallows around nothing. “Uhm. I mean—not particularly. Does there… have to be a reason why?”

“No,” Seokjin says easily. “But you’re making it seem like there is. You look guilty. Why do you look guilty?”

“I’m not guilty.”

“You knocked on my front door.”

“I’m polite.”

“You’re not.”

“But nothing’s wrong?” 

“But something seems like something’s wrong.”

Oh, god, Jungkook thinks. This could go on for hours. Because Jungkook is good at this game, but Seokjin invented this game. He taught Jungkook everything he knows. He also taught Jungkook how to be incredibly stubborn, though.

“There’s nothing wrong!” Jungkook argues. “Like, I mean it.”

Seokjin hums, turning away from Jungkook and glancing at him from the corner of his eye.

“What?” Jungkook presses. “What is it?”

“I don’t know, Jungkook-ah,” Seokjin says, licks his lips, too, which Jungkook feels like is a personal threat somehow. “You tell me. What is it?”  

Seokjin turns to face him again, his whole body this time, too, and it hits Jungkook like a ton of fucking bricks; the swarm of butterflies in his tummy that he now realizes has always been there and is anything but just the excitement of seeing his friend again, the way he wants to be close to Seokjin like he’s always close to Seokjin, the way Seokjin’s got the nicest face in all of Seoul, and that Jungkook always knew, except now he doesn’t want anyone else to look at it, he wants Seokjin just for himself. 

“It’s you,” Jungkook finds himself saying before he can even stop himself, before he can even scold himself for sounding exactly like a romantic comedy or a cheesy romance novel. “Jin hyung, I—”

“I already know, dumbass,” Seokjin’s telling him, hands gently cradling Jungkook’s cheeks, and wait a minute, those are Seokjin’s hands, and then he’s a lot closer when he’s continuing, “Took you way too fucking long to figure it out yourself, though.”

It’s two angels having sex on a cloud made of sugar. Seokjin is kissing Jungkook, Seokjin is willingly kissing Jungkook, and neither of them is drunk, or playing suck and blow, and it feels like this entire week from Hell might be finally worth it for Jungkook, and maybe he’s not so sick of being the main character after all. Seokjin is kissing him, and it’s warm and gentle and feels so right like it’s always felt for years with Seokjin, because they’re best friends, sure, but they’re also just Seokjin and Jungkook before anything else, and Jungkook is starting to think a part of being Jungkook is about being Seokjin’s. Seokjin is kissing him and it feels like he’s on top of the fucking world. Seokjin is kissing him and—

“Holy shit,” Jungkook pants when he pulls away (unwillingly, but holy shit). “You’re kissing me. Why are you kissing me? No, wait, I didn’t mean it like that because I wanted you to kiss me, actually, I kind of always have, but I don’t think I’ve noticed until now, but I feel like—”

Seokjin kisses him again. 

“Hey,” Seokjin says when they pull apart, barely out of Jungkook’s space yet. Jungkook nods to let him know he’s listening.”Shut the fuck up, yeah?”

“But, I’m—hyung, are you not… the slightest freaked out right now?” Jungkook fidgets in his seat, doing his best to remain normal and not look at Seokjin’s lips, despite how they might’ve unknowingly been the star of Jungkook’s latest fantasies because let’s not forgotten who started all of this, Jungkook’s very own romance boner. 

“Sure,” Seokjin says. “I was incredibly freaked out when I was seventeen and first figured out you had a disgustingly large crush on me. Now, though?” Seokjin shakes his head. “I thought I was going to have to confess to you myself if you didn’t figure it out sooner or later.” 

Jungkook looks at him, blinks, shakes his head. He blinks again. He feels like he’s hallucinating all this. “What?”

“Jungkook-ah,” Seokjin says very slowly, “the only one who had no idea that you were in love with me was you. You are very obvious. Like, even more so than when you were pining over Namjoonie.”

“I was—what?”

“When we were in high school you told me you hope that one day we can get married ‘platonically’ because I was your ideal type. Then you proceeded to hate every man I was ever romantically interested in. Then you personally told me on multiple drunk occasions that you were in love with me, despite the fact that it’s a wild cliche and that you could never be brave enough to tell me sober.”

Jungkook gasps, fully gasps, because as much as he wishes he did not do any of that and that Seokjin was a big fat liar, it, unfortunately, does sound like something drunk Jungkook would confess, and yes, he (shamefully) does recall tiny high school Jungkook wanting to spend the rest of his life platonically bound to Seokjin by Holy Matrimony. 

“When did I drunk confess?” Jungkook asks, voice small and so, so embarrassed. “I’m good at handling my liquor!”

“Oh, well,” Seokjin holds out a hand, beginning to list the very specific times off, “Yoongi’s birthday last year with the open bar, the end of the term dance recital party, that one Christmas eve where you threw up on my brother’s shoes—”

“Oh, my god.” Jungkook slumps further into the couch and tries not to die. “You knew? You knew this whole time?”

“Afraid so, dude.”

“Don’t call me dude!” Jungkook reaches out to shove him. “I’ve been unknowingly pining over you for years now, just came to terms with it and made out with you, and you’re gonna call me dude?” 

“Forgive me for not being ready with the proper terms for all this,” Seokjin says. “I didn’t really plan on you finally getting your head out of your ass today.”

“Shut up.” Jungkook shoves him again because he can. “Well, when did you figure out that you—”
“Yoongi,” Seokjin says simply. “He told me I look at you like I look at the chef who does the all you can eat buffet at the Thai place. At least I realized before you.”

Jungkook shakes his head because this has been the most anticlimatic-climactic moment of his life. “And the kiss? At the party last week? Did you know?”

“More or less,” Seokjin says vaguely. “You know what was in that punch Hoseokie made?” Jungkook shrugs. “It was vodka. That explains why I got so fucked up. And why you didn’t break out in hives.”

“You’re shitting me, right?”

“To be fair, I only realized it was me like—halfway through your list when Hoseokie was telling me about how he needed to make more of that devil juice for his next party. But at that point, if I had come clean and told you it was me I would’ve just felt weird and desperate.”

“And there would have been nothing wrong with that!” Jungkook shoves him again and this time Seokjin finally reacts, rubbing his arm with a small pout on his lips. “You made me kiss all those people! And for what!” Another shove, except this time it brings him closer to Seokjin, nearly in his personal space once more. “You’re an asshole. Oh my god, I kissed practically the entire dance team. I thought it was Jimin hyung! I thought Taehyungie hyung was gonna hate me!” 

Jungkook raises another fist half-heartedly to shove Seokjin again, but this time the older one just catches it, holds it in his own hands instead. 

“Yeah, but think of it this way,” he says, “this is a way better getting together story to tell people when we finally go through with our platonic marriage.” 

“I am so fucking mad at you,” Jungkook says, except he’s smiling and he doesn’t mean any of it. “Now please kiss me again. My romance boner is so ridiculously hard right now.”

“If that’s your idea of dirty talk, we’re going to need to go over some things before we make this work.”

Something tells him they’ll make it work. 

* * *

“Fuck, baby, you feel so good.”

“Yeah? Come then, angel, come right now.”

“I’m going to, I just need to—god—”

“I love you.”

“I love you more, you’re so—”

A bang on the wall that hopefully says shut the fuck up. “Are they always this loud?” Seokjin looks at Jungkook, wearing a look of disgust that Jungkook can assume is similar to his own. 

“They used to be quieter,” Jungkook says, pressing himself further into Seokjin’s side because being squeezed into Jungkook’s twin bed with him is not enough, he needs to be so close Seokjin makes the joke about Jungkook practically taking up residency inside his pocket. “But now they like—love each other or something and are always so goddamn loud when they’re fucking. Just pretend like they’re not there. It becomes white noise after a while.”

Seokjin shudders. “I’m happy Jiminie has come to terms with his obvious romantic feelings for Taehyungie, but. I mean, we’re right here, you know?”

Jungkook shrugs, playing with one of the strings on the hoodie Seokjin is wearing that is definitely Jungkook’s and not his own. He makes a noncommittal noise. “Who cares? They’re almost done anyway, and they’re really gooey and in love when they climax so I’d like to find something else to do for when it happens. Wanna play suck and blow?”

“Very funny,” Seokjin deadpans. “You know if you wanna make out with me you can just say that, right?”

“Right,” Jungkook says, slipping himself onto Seokjin’s lap because he can do that now, because it’s been three months and now his romance boner is very satisfied with his best friend turned boyfriend. “But I was also thinking we could like… play. You know. Some suck and blow.” Jungkook drops a hand down to Seokjin’s waistband and he thinks then his boyfriend might finally get it. 

“Oh. Oh.” Seokjin’s eyes go wide and then he’s flipping them over with a kiss and caging Jungkook underneath him, words pressed into Jungkook’s lips when he says, “Yeah, you really need to work on your dirty talk.” 

“I know,” Jungkook agrees easily. “Show me how it’s done, then.”

And they make it work.