Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shouts of excitement and happiness went around as thanos’s troops dust away. Peters spider senses were going haywire, telling him he needs to get as close to Mr.Stark as possible. Peter webbed himself up into the air, spotting tony, and swung himself as fast as he could towards the older man. When he reaches tony he’s clenching his “iron” suit, staring wide eyed at the floor in front of him. Peter lands and immediately reaches out and pulls tony into a hug. “Mr.Stark, Mr.Stark we did it! W-we did it!” Peters anxiety rises when he doesn’t hear any reaction come from tony. “M-mr stark?” Peter says. Dread flows into him as he feels tony lean all his weight onto him and begin to fall onto his knees, Peter falling to his knees beside him. “P-peter, it’s gonna be okay. It’ll all be okay.”

Peters eyes start to blur as his eyelashes start to clump together. Peter weakly whispers “mr stark” as dust seems to sprout out all around them. Peter looks up to tony. Both on their knees now. “ please please, PLE-Please. Mr stark, don’t go, no no no” Peters rambling of begging continues as he crushes tony in a hug, digging his head into the crook of Tony’s neck. Peters nose fills with the familiar smell of death and dust. A chocked sob escapes Peter as he pulls Himself closer to tony, pressing his eyes closed tight. Tony’s soft voice Carries through the shouts of victory and voices of concern that seems to be gathering around. “Peter, look at me. Please” Peters hands move from being clenched at Tony’s back to being clenched at Tony’s chest, as he slowly moves his head from the crook of Tony’s neck. Peter peers up at him through clumped eyelashes, Tony’s hand shakily wiping peters wet cheeks. “Dont go, not now.” Peter whispers. Tony’s chuckles exasperatingly, whispering “I don’t think I really have much of a choice, kid” Tony winces as he feels himself drop a couple inches, his lower half of legs gone. “You’ll be alright, Pete. Don’t worry ‘bout me”

Peter hiccups as he feels Tony’s thumb caress up and down his cheek. Tony loses balance as almost all his legs are gone now, finding himself laying down. Peters quick to scramble to Tony’s side and take the hand that was once caressing his face. “Mr stark, mr-“

“Surely we’re past that yeah? Call me tony, please”. The once joking phrase, having a somewhat desperate and pleading tone now. Peter looks tony in the eyes as he hoarsely whispers “tony”. So close and so quiet, Peter wasn’t even sure that Tony heard it. But the smile tony gave Peter after he said the name shows otherwise.

Tony winces as the dust climbs up his body, slowly but surely. Tony chuckles as he noticed the position their in.

“Spots kinda switched this time, huh” tony says while slightly smirking, eyes filled with barely any mirth. Peter guffaws at Tony’s reference to peters passing, feeling tears flow down his cheeks once again. Peters hands find themselves on the side of Tony’s head feeling the now graying hair. “Yeah, and like last time we-we’ll get you back again. Like you did for me tony- You’ll come- come back.” Tony slightly shakes his head as he holds the hand that’s in his hair. “Not this time. That’s okay though. Your back, everyone’s back, we did it, Peter-“ tony looks around them looking at faces peter didn’t care about in the moment. “- we all did it.”

Peters tears come barreling down, blurring his eyes as he feels Tony’s finger tips turning to dust. Peter has to fight with himself to keep eye contact with tony, instead of shoving his head into the man’s chest. “Tony, tony tony tony…” peter repeats as he feels Tony’s hand that was holding his, completely dust away. Tony smiles at Peter, then seemingly smiling up at the crowd that has gathered round. “Thank you, all.” Tony says to the group all around them, peters focus stays on tony as he brings his eyes back to Peter “you’ll be alright, peter” tony smiles a weak smile towards Peter, Peter wanted to shake his head, wanted to disagree. That he wouldn’t ever be okay without him. But Peter couldn’t find the words. Didn’t want to agree or disagree. All peter could manage to do was bring his hand and wipe Tony’s beading tears. He wanted tony to look strong and say that he’d be back someday. Somehow. Wanted a lot of things from Tony. Unrealistic things. Selfish things.

Peter wants to say don’t go. But he knew he’ll go wether peter asks him to stay or not. Peter smiles back, a tight lipped smile, that made his face look like he was grimacing.

Tonys face disappeared underneath peters touch. Peter desperately reaching and pulling back on the dust tony left behind, as thought it could bring tony back. Peters hands cup together in front of him as he brings the remaining dust to his chest as his forehead meets the space tony once occupied. He sobs uncontrollably into the ground clenching his fists together underneath him, feeling the dust slip through his fingers. The smell of burnt skin fills Peter nose as he hears someone step closer with heavy steps.

“Peter…” a large hand meets Spider-Man’s back, comfortingly moving up and down the spiders back, only having to slightly move up and down because of the massive size of the hand. Peters breath is harsh and labored as he looks up at the hulk, who has a somewhat somber look on his face. Peters eyes studied hulks face for a moment, words coming out of Bruce’s mouth but not being heard. Peter saw the glimpse of purple behind the people gathered round. Peters eyes widened as hulk continued speaking, not a word being heard as rage flowed through peter. Peter instantly jumped up and pushed himself through the wall that has built around him running towards the purple figure. Peter could hear a couple shouts of his name following behind him but paid them no mind. As peter came close enough to see the man who caused all this destruction, peter booked it, Turning his run into a full on sprint. Peter flung himself through the air, to where thanos was sitting, aiming to kick him straight into the head. Inches away from his head before the figure dusted away completely. The dust flowing through the air as peter skidded across the ground, dirt flying behind him. An angry sob escaped his mouth as he lay flat on his back, fists pressed into his eyes as he felt his legs stiffen straight.

Peters thoughts were clouded with hatred and confusion. The one on top of them all being “why?”. peter balled up, sitting upright pulling his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around himself. They wouldn’t stop. The tears wouldn’t stop. The busling eventually made it to peter. Someone patted his shoulder.

”Peter, i know it hurts. But-“ pepper. Pepper Potts, Tony’s soon to be wife. Of course, yes, She must be hurting more than me. He loved HER. He loved her, kissed her, knew her, understood her. And she understood him. The illustrious tony stark. She must be hurting. So much more than me, I’m so selfish, peter thought. He looked up meeting her gaze. Her face soft with concern, tears beading at the corner of her beautiful face. He loved her. Right.

Pepper couldn’t Finish her words. Nothing she could say would help. It was too soon. She was on the edge of a break down herself. She knew that Tony would have to pass someday . But she wasn’t ready, she didn’t think she’d ever be ready. Pepper closed her eyes, taking in a deep shaky breath. Her voice came out gravely as she spoke. “It’ll be alright, peter. Tony- tony missed you, so, so much. When you were gone. He-“ she chocked on her words. She couldn’t say it. Not now. She hated how the words made her feel. For a kid. She was jealous of a kid. Her head fell forward in defeat. She sniffed and pressed a palm against he eyes.

Peter felt the need to comfort the lady tony loved. Even if he’s in no place to. He reached up and brought his hands around the woman’s shoulders. Pulling her right against his head, pepper sniffling away. Peter grimaced from the scent of Tony’s scent lingering on her. Pepper pulled her arms around peters torso, resting her head against peters shoulder. He wished for lots of things at that moment. All of them selfish. All of them something he could never admit to wishing.

Chapter Text

Peter was in love with tony. Since, since a while. He doesn’t know when it became apparent to him. He doesn’t know why it happened. Maybe it was the prolonged eye contact at some moments. Maybe it was The look that Tony gave him when he said something that gave him a new point of view on things. Maybe it was the lingering touches, the touches that were there just for that one second more, to make it feel that much more intimate. Peter loved tony. He loved the way his hands moved swiftly when working, the way his eyes would narrow and tongue would poke out just a bit when he was focusing on something. The way he would smile at you. His stupid jokes, always having snacks, his sarcasm, his hair, their inside jokes. Lots of things, led up to the realization.

And lots of things led up to the point where Peter knew, he couldn’t have him. Ever. Not now , not in the future. The stones are gone. His love that was there for him one second, his love that was pestering affecting his daily thoughts, actions, and heart. The love that would never be returned to him. Never to be reciprocated. A lone love. One doomed to die. One that is just going go down from here. Atleast that’s what he told himself. His love festered, slightly discouraged by Tony’s death, but not dead.

Mj. He told himself he loved MJ. He told mysterio he loved MJ. He told May he loved MJ. He knew he couldn’t love MJ. Not with the love that was still there for tony. He loved her. Just not in the way he hoped. Not the way May hoped or Ned hoped. He just couldn’t do it to her. So when he asked to take her out onto the bridge, the necklace stayed in his pocket. The confession stayed in his head, rather than his heart. His feelings for tony, stayed where they belonged. Locked away from the world. For him to see only. Private, lovely, and nobody to give it to.
The way it has to be.

Peter was so stupid so fucking stupid to ever, EVER, trust himself to make any decisions ever. He was stupid to think he could be trusted with Edith. Stupid to trust mysterio. Stupid for not loving the girl that was right there. Stupid for loving t-

Stupid.

Now here he was standing in front of a passed out(dead?) mysterio, bloodied, glasses back on his face, feeling terrible for causing such trouble for happy, his friends, and everyone in fucking Europe.

Venice was supposed to help. But when he got home, to his apartment in New York he only felt this pestering emptiness.

New York. Home of the avengers. What was left of the avengers anyways. A teenage boy, two of captain americas sidekicks, super woman, and a very let go Thor. And some other characters that couldn’t be bothered to join the group of dying hero’s.

Peter felt bad as soon as he thought those insults, immediately thinking an apology towards those he insulted.

Peter stayed in his room, Texted Ned and mj that they should give him some space for a bit, he didn’t want to have them call and for them to worry that he’s out doing something dangerous. he didn’t want them to have to dwell over every moment of silence that comes from him, he just wants… space.

Peters laying down in the middle of his room now. Light coming through the window, sound of cars bustling and chatter coming from the street below. The sun was nice on his skin, with his senses dialed up to ten, he could feel the warmth radiating off the sunlight.

He bathed in the sunlight, laying in silence, his aunt was about to go out on a shift. He was wearing his New York shirt that Tony got him, and a pair of boxers. The scene would be funny to Peter if he wasn’t so lost in… nothingness.

At least he was lost in nothingness, before his aunt knocked on his door, startling him. “Can I come in?”

Peter shouted a confirmation to the woman as she cracked the door open, only enough for her to pop the upper half of her body through the door. She immediately winced in sympathy at the clothes peter was wearing.

Peter had made it a habit to wear the shirt Tony got him when he missed Said billionaire or was lost in thought. He was wearing them for both reasons that day.

“Peter?” Peter met mays gaze, but said nothing.

“you know it’s not your fault right?”

Peter looked away and back at the ceiling of his room.

“Yeah, I know.” Peter mumbled. Peter didn’t believe the words that left his mouth but if he just senselessly agreed he’d be left alone.

Peters hands fidgeted with each other on his chest as he felt mays stare still on him.

“Yes? May?” Peter said exasperatedly.

“I know since tony, went away-“ Peter slightly frowned at the use of the use of the sugar coated phrase. He died. No need to-

“- you’ve missed him a lot, I know, how hard it is, losing someone you thought would be there with you for… everything. This, this isn’t the first time you had to deal with loss, peter I know that- but I just wanted to say. When your ready, to talk about, tony, Europe, anything. Anything peter. You can talk to me, alright?”

Peter feel a lump grow in his throat. He didn’t deserve such a great person in his life.

Peter slightly nodded, meeting mays gaze, barely rasping out without choking on his gratitude towards May.

“Y-yeah, thank you. May.”

May smiled at peter .

“Anytime. There’s some lasagna in the freezer. I’ll be home late. Remember to turn off the oven alright?“

“Alright.“

And with that May was gone. The front door closing leaving Peter to his thoughtlessness.

He cried into May as soon as he saw her after the second snap. Yammering about tony, and apologizing, they both cried. Aunt May held him and they cried together for a while, in happys apartment. Peter never mentioned his love to tony then. He never mentioned it to anyone.

Peter remembered staying there, being so depressed all the time. Before school started again. And they moved out. Then he was distracted. This new mistake was different than the last.

Peter felt surprisingly calm for the actions that went down in Europe. Mysterio being dead, didn’t phase peter as much as it probably should have, but Peter couldn’t bring himself to conjure a reason why.

Peter stared at the dust particles that floated through the air, only visible because of the sunlight that was coming through the window, didn’t I by dorando playing quietly in the background as Peter closed his eyes.

He thought about May. About MJ. About Ned. He thought about his secret love. He thought about nothing.

Peter relaxed, hearing something fizzing behind him but paid it no mind, his spider sense wasn’t saying anything so it couldn’t be important.

“Peter?”

Peters eyes shot open and he quickly sat up and turned and looked at the space behind him, all that was there, was a faint sparkle of something that used to be there.

Peter swore that the voice it- it was, tony. It had to be tony. He swore it was tony it- it had to have been tony but how did-

Peter stopped himself there. His hope increased, his never dead love, pounding in his chest from the voice.

He examined the spot a moment more before turning back into the position he was in before. Peter, slightly worried he was going crazy, closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep, to forget hope. Forget everything for a while.

Chapter Text

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

5 minutes ago

Peter was slightly nervous about the hangout with MJ, the kind of nervous where you get an excited buzz, the same buzz you get when you’re going to Disneyland, except he was hanging with the girl who was the new member of the spider crew (duo?) that before just made up of ned and Peter. She understood Peter and his struggles being Spider-Man and even to some capacity, his feelings about Tony’s death. Nobody would ever understand his feelings about Tony’s death, but it was sweet when people tried.

Peter carried her through the city with her clinging hard around his neck as they flung around the city, landing on a street corner. It was nice having MJ around. As a friend. He said his goodbyes to her, getting ready to take off again, but not before the large billboard screen caught his attention. Oh it was about him! What could it…

Present

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK

Carrying mj with him as he swung through buildings, stopping to call Ned, freaking out over the phone, helicopters all came in a flash before peter, adrenaline fueling most of his decisions. He rushes home changes, may finds both mj and him in somewhat compromising positions, turning on the tv, closing blinds. All of it becomes a memory.

Him and may are staying at happys now. Happy sleeping in a recliner, sleep apnea machine in full working order. His days have been filled with dislike from the public, studying material tony left behind, reading books left in storage, to prove to himself he could really get into any school he wants. When the first letter came in is when he started studying quantum relations and really any study of science he could get his hands on. His days filled with words and numbers. Nights filled with thoughts of tony and how all this would’ve been different if he was here. He still missed him a fucking year later. A year since he last heard a word from him.

His funeral. He learned that pepper and tony divorced some time during the blip, he felt the inclination to ask why, but knew it wasn’t the right time at the funeral, and that he probably wouldn’t see pepper any time soon. Not without tony, the only real connection between the two, dead.

Dead dead dead deadity dead. Funny how people hate to say it . Hate to say it for what reason? It’s too harsh? Inappropriate? It’s always “when he passed” or “when he left this world”. Tony wasn’t religious, he died. He’s dead. No need to sugar coat it.

Sugar coat. Sugar coat… sugar. Im hungry. Peter slowly peeled himself off his couch heading to the kitchen to get a snack. The clock on the microwave reading “2:02”. It’s not like he has to wake up for school tomorrow. School. He had school coming up in a few weeks, that was gonna suck dick so hard Jesus. Peter grabbed a couple Oreos from a container and grabbed a cup, filling it with milk.

Flash had been pretty annoying in the month after his forced coming out(as Spider-Man) Bothering him by texting and constantly calling for interviews for his book(writing a book? Seriously? ). it was extremely annoying to Peter and he didn’t know if he would be able to handle flash if he were to go back to midtown. Senior year. Graduation. They would all be different now. At least he only got rejected by one college so far. So far. Jesus this was depressing. Thinking. Thoughts.

Peter finished up the last amount of milk and placed the dirty cup in the sink, Turning on the tap rinsing it out before actually setting it in the sink. He sat down at the table where all his current research has been taking place. Looking at his new fluid he made. He took some inspiration from the suit t’challa has from the buildup of energy coming from outside forces, bouncing back against the outside force. He made a web-net that, hit enough would make the offender that was trying to tear or hit the webs would get an equal or greater force back at them.

It was meticulous and difficult but he really was getting somewhere with it. He looked over his own notes, revising and looking over variables and possible uses for the webs that would be utilizing nano tech. He stayed up till morning studying and analyzing his work. Falling asleep arms cushioning his head.

He woke up startled hearing the door to the fridge slam shut. “Shit, sorry pete, didn’t see you there!” Happy said awkwardly.

Peters voice came out gravelly as he dismissed happys apology. He made to go stand up and headed over to the fridge happy had previously closed. “You alright pete?” Happy asked, as peter continued staring at the same milk carton he had for the last 5 minutes.

“Happy?”

“Yes?”

“Do you- ahem - do you know why, Um.. why Tony and pepper divorced?”

The silence that came after that question was long and tense. “D-did pepper finally tell you?” Happy said softly.

Peter pulled his head out of the fridge to look at happy. Happy had his head tilted down staring down at his cereal with furrowed eyebrows. He sat at the counter with his fist clenching his bowl and spoon.

“Did pepper finally tell me what?” Peter said with honest curiosity, gravel now gone from his voice.

Happy tilted his head up meeting peters gaze. Happy analyzes peters face moving from
eye- brows to where his eyes where shining curiously.

“Ah. Right, okay. Tony and pepper, ever since y- Sigh- ever since, The first snap, they just weren’t the same. They tried to keep up with each other but- they just fell out of love. Peter. You know how it is, how tony is.”

Peter stared at happy a second more, then turned his head back to the carton of milk.

“How Tony was.”

“Yeah, right. Was.”

School came. People took pictures, videos. It was terrible. Flash was even worse than expected. The only alone time he ever got was with Ned and MJ on the roof of the school. He didn’t know how school was gonna turn out, but it was okay. Ned and MJ were there, and if Peter couldn’t get a scholarship, maybe they could.that was until the MIT letter came, the excitement came. The buildup, all of it. They had been hoping, dreaming of getting into MIT. All of them, sharing an apartment, going to school. But no.

Peter. Peters fault. Of course it was. How stupid was he, to think he could get into a school with a rumor he murdered a man, oh no not just any man, THE Mysterio. The rumor running rampant through the world. Of course not, how could he expect that. But he didn’t expect it to affect his friends. He didn’t want it to. Why couldn’t he just suffer alone while his friends went out and went to school. Why.

He didn’t think it was fair.

The wizards on the decorations reminded him of a certain someone who was on that battlefield one year ago. What was it? Doctor…

Peter finds himself looking up at the intimidating building that supposedly hosted the great sorcerer supreme. He reaches to knock on the door, but the door opens before he could even make contact. As he walks in a chill crawls up his spins. He folded his arms together, trying to fight the cold. Looking around, eyes falling onto the people shoveling snow. “H-hi! Do you think you could help, I need dr- Um-“

Doctor strange agreed to help!!!!!!! Peter was practically creaming in his pants from happiness . His friends would have a second chance, his aunt would be able to go and about again. It would work out for the best.

It wasn’t working out for the best. Not at all.not at fucking all. After being kicked out of Dr. Strange’s lair after messing with his spell 5 too many times, peter booked it after calling flash about the lady who could hopefully get Ned and MJ into MIT, to make them reconsider their decision.

SHIT FUCK DUCK ASS! He was so stupid to think he could actually help them. So fucking stupid. He screwed everything up again. Fighting the green goblin was hard enough, no matter how many hits peter threw he always seemed to be just unaffected. Crashing onto the first floor, Being pinned down by the green goblin might’ve been what was making his spider- sense to go haywire, but he felt like it was something else, the feeling of not knowing filling his stomach with anxiousness and dread. A familiar feeling.

May. May. May. “Just breath, it’ll be okay may. We’re just gonna catch our breath right?” The green goblin flew away. May. Peter saw a puddle of red pooling underneath his aunt. Lifting his hand out of the puddle and trying to find where the blood could be coming from. So much blood. Too much blood.

May. It was his fault. I did this. I hurt her. I shouldn’t have tried to help them. It was so stupid of me. So fucking stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. I killed her. I killed her. My fault .

On the roof of midtown was the the first place he went to after- after he. After. He sat down, head tucked into his knees, arms wrapped around his knees. He should just die. He’s been the cause of so many deaths. He was selfish. . Killing tony. Killing Ben. Killing May. if he never became Spider-Man this wouldn’t have ever happened -

He’d been on this thought track before. Things would be better if he never knew Tony, never became Spider-Man. It was useless. He loved tony. He had to become Spider-Man. As much as he wanted to suppress his love. Say to himself that it was never there and it never truly blossomed into anything, there was still some hope inside of his stupid head that tony would come back. Stupid hope that May was okay. She really did just need to catch her breath and she’s in a hospital okay now.

Stupid hopes. Hopes for a better future and purer past. All pointless.

His neck tingled. He felt them nearing before he saw them. MJ and Ned. He looked at them as they came down the stairs. Barely contained tears come flooding out as MJ and Ned trap him in their embrace.

3 Spider-Men. That’s cool. SO COOL. Peter distracts himself after the heart to heart with the plan to get all the villians from alternate universes to all one place. Peter just can’t get over the excitement of alternate universes out of his head! Other versions of himself!!! How cool is that. Peter#2 even said he himself had an MJ, said they dated(dating?).

While all the peters worked on their piece of equipment for taking away their villians powers, peter get distracted thinking of may. Maybe he could get her back somehow, maybe, oh! Maybe he could somehow travel through the multiverse and get may back, OR or! Or maybe dr strange would be so impressed by him taking down and fixing all those villians he would cast a spell to get May back! Maybe-

It was stupid. He knew that. There was no way to bring back the dead and peter would just feel weird about replacing aunt May with anyone else. He should stop giving himself false hope. But everything right now didn’t seem as though it was actually real. As thought it’s all just one big elaborate dream.
Just a dream. He wished everything since that donut shaped space ship appeared on earth was a dream. A dream. He would wake up, to aunt mays terrible pancakes, go to school, mr stark would be there picking him up. Saying something about urgent business. He would take him to his lab at the avengers new building upstate. He would make stupid jokes and peter would laugh at every one. Tony would show peter new drafts of his new spider suit, get his opinion on it, ask questions. Peter would answer.

Peter would actually confess. No matter the outcome. He’d say he loved him, even if he would push him away, even if they never spoke again. He wanted the acknowledgment. The rejection. Just so he could get over it. He could’ve went home and wept in mays arms, not having to tell her anything about the rejections because she understood him. Understood that if he wanted to talk about it, he’d talk about it. She’d hold him, they’d watch a movie and talk about it the next day. She’d understand and hold him, and she’d be ther-

“Peter!”

Three heads popped up at the name called in the high-school lab. Ned goes on to ramble to try and gather the right peters attention. It was pretty funny.

Now, all three peters are on lady liberty, peters#2 and #3 questioning peter #1 about what added pieces are being made and put onto lady liberty.

“Yeah they’re adding Captain Americas shield onto it.”

“Woaoshhhh, that’s so cool, back home we Just got plain old lady liberty, with no shield” peter # 3 says.

“Isn’t that kinda, disrespectful though? I mean where I’m from lady liberty was a gift to us, adding things onto it…” # 2 states

“Yeah, lotsa people are against the remodeling, me included, but it’s not really like I got a say.” # 1

The conversation dives from there to talking about other topics surrounding the area.

“ yeah the avengers, you know, Thor, Hawkeye, black widow, hulk and Iron man.”

“Wai wai wait- did you just say iron man?”
Peter # 3 says

“Y-yeah? Do you have an iron man??”

“I don’t but- you said you knew the avengers, you yourself are an avenger? So that means you know tony?” Peter # 3 continues

Peters eyes widen at #3 as #3 takes some excited steps forward.

“Y-yeah, I knew Tony, but how do you know about him? How do you even know his name?“

“Oh my god! You must be his peter! Jesus Christ this is so co-“

Conversation cut short as #2 warns the other two spiders of the arrival of enemies. Peter delves into the battle, still completely confused as to what his last interaction with #3 meant.

The moment he got green goblin alone to fight he knew what he wanted to do. Kicking, and punching wouldn’t be enough. He had to pay for what he did to May. Pay. He knew he wouldn’t ever do it, but with the goblins gliders sharp rods pointed at the green goblin it was hard to stop himself. He knew he couldn’t but he had to. Knew he couldn’t. Didn’t want to. Didn’t have to. Peter #2 stood in front of him. A look that told him that everything. Whatever he was considering doing right now. Would be regretted in the future. He wouldn’t forgive himself for killing another person. He knew it. As he set the glider down safely, feeling his tensed face muscles relaxing, and tension Leaving his body, the sound of a blade ripped through the air into #2’s back side came quickly through the air. Quick as the stab came so did the syrum, #1 catching the serum on instinct, stabbing it into the exposed neck of the green goblin.

Hugging his spider friends goodbye,

He webbed himself up to the top of lady liberty, who was now shieldless. Finding dr. Strange with a focused gaze on the skies around them. “Sir! Sir! How’s- how’s it looking?”

Dr strange grimaces as he turns towards peter, locking eyes with the spider boy.

“Peter, it’s not looking good…”

Peter and dr strange talk about the consequences of the heavily edited spell and how it’s pulling in thousands of personas from tons of realities. Peter wanted to be selfish so badly. To have all he wanted, to have May back, for MJ and Ned to remember him, but. He couldn’t do it. He knew what his responsibility was, he had to keep his friends safe. Keep anyone who he ever had close to him, safe from Peter.

“Thank you, sir, sorry for all the trouble I put you through-“

“Call me Stephen , kid”

Peter flinched at the phrase, looking at Stephen with wide eyes before clenching them shut.

“Thanks, Stephen.”

Peter smiled tight lipped up at Stephen before waving goodbye as he webbed himself down to where his friends were.

He felt tears prickling at his eyes but he couldn’t ruin this moment with tears.

“Hey! Hey guys!” He rushed towards both of them, wrapping an arm around both their necks, Mj having to slightly bend down to fit into the quadruple hug.

“Peter!! What’s going on up there?” Ned says concern seeping into his expression and tone.

Peter pulls back to look both of his friends and study both their expressions as he takes one step away getting space away from them as he tries to piece together what words to use.

“It’ll all be okay guys- its-“ peter sighs as he pressed his palms to his beaten face.

“I- the spell. Dr. Strange is gonna revert it back to its original state to save us from all those people who know who peter Parker is, from coming through.”

“W-what’s wrong peter? What was the original spell?” Mj asks, hand landing on peters shoulder, clenching slightly, nerves making the trio jumpy.

Peter runs his hands down his face as he looks both Ned and MJ in the eye.

Peter says softly, barely over a whisper “I-it’ll wipe everyone’s memory of me. Including both of you. Y-you’ll forget about me being Spider-Man, me being.. me and, so will everyone else.”

Both friends eyes widen as they run through possible solutions in their heads. Mj speaks first and says calmly “and there’s nothing we can do about it?”

Peter pauses before clenching his eyes and nodding his head. They pull each other back into a hug as the press all their foreheads together.

“It’ll be alright though, right? You could just- you could just come to us, explain it all to us and we’ll be friends again!”

Mj jumps onto Ned’s idea seemingly excited and relieved to have a solution to their problem “Y-Yeah! Peter you just tell us about you being Spider-Man and our past and we’ll be friends again, it probably won’t be exactly the same but we’ll have each others backs! Right?”

“Yeah, yeah, your right, I’ll just find you guys and we can be friends again! Haha why didn’t I think of this before!”

They all exasperatedly chuckle, not out of humor but of desperation to find a reason to be happy. They stay locked in a hug as the spell finishes. Eyes closed. Sun bright . Too bright.

Chapter Text

He decided not to make contact with MJ and Ned. Not after all the trouble and pain he caused them. He saw the scar MJ had and just couldn’t follow through. He’d rather suffer alone than bring any more pain into his friends lives. He takes the coffee Mj gives him with a smile and takes off to his apartment.

It’s been a month. Since everything. He’s the only person in the world who remembers the actual truth about the events that passed and it freaks Peter out every time he thinks about it.

Its winter now. Peter landed a job at a grocery store near delmars. Hes finishing off his senior year. Now 18. His own apartment. A legal adult. His apartments not as nice as his old one with aunt May, but it’s nice for New York on a grocery clerks paycheck. He got access to his parents savings account a couple months ago, he didn’t really have to dig into it until now.

It wasn’t a crazy amount of money but it was enough to help pay the rent. And that was the only thing Peter intended to use the money for.

It was snowing. Sometimes he let himself stare out into the snow falling, think about the last year. May. Mysterio, green goblin, the peters.
He felt himself drift off into the memory, the memory of things actually going right in his plan to “fix” the villains. The things the peters bonded over. The common struggle of being Spider-Man and the responsibility that comes with it.

He suddenly remembered the weird thing Peter #2 said before #3 spotted a villain coming. How did he know Tony? Peter never mentioned his name to them, and they said they didn’t even HAVE an avengers on their worlds so how would he even know??

Peter drops the thought as he hears his alarm go off on his busted phone again. He drags himself outta bed to the shower, quickly washing his body and shampooing his hair. The bathroom was small, with barely any space between the shower curtains and the sink. Toilet confined to a small corner. At least it was private though. It was 6 am, he picked up an early shift at the market place he works at and picked up a pizza delivery shift in the afternoon.

It was winter break, 2 and a half weeks of- work. Peter couldnt afford to spend his money on the old gels and concoctions he used to put in his hair, now the only thing he’s able to put in his hair is the 7 dollar jar of coconut oil he got from Walmart. It did the job but it made peters hair 3x more curly than before. Peter himself was surprised by the amount of curls in his hair now.

He gave up trying to style the unruly hair and headed out, changed into a black crewneck with the puffer jacket he wore to aunt mays grave on top. He put on a beanie, hoping to hide the unruly hair inside of it, but the ends of his curly hair poked out from underneath the beanie all around.

He went straight for the stairs, pocketing his wallet, keys and phone before he left. Halfway through the door, before going back and grabbing his backpack that had his school material in it and hidden in a secret pocket, his spider suit.

He quickly slung it over his shoulder, locking his door, and ran down the buildings stairs.

He’s on the road now, biking down the road towards the market before he’s late. It’s different, biking down the street and seeing people your recognize. People you would say hi to and make occasional small talk, just completely ignore your existence when you pass them on the street. It’s lonely.

He barely even got his market job, but he’s so glad for the opportunity to actually get a job. Its a pain in the ass to get a job when everyone forgets your name, but atleast his credentials still apply. Forgotten, but they couldn’t delete peters grades.

He liked his job despite the minimum wage and hours that seem to go on for years on some days, it’s nice to actually have people around him that know his name, acknowledge him.

He gets there right on time, clocking in, saying hi to his boss, an old guy with slicked back white hair, and headed off to man the register. It was a small shop, on the opposite corner of delmar’s. The boss was nice and his other co worker, Jennifer, was nice, she would save him from troublesome customers and always smiled at him when their eyes met. She spoke Spanish too, so whenever she had time she would teach Peter a couple phrases.

The shift was long and boring but it was nice being around people, distracting himself. Everything was still pretty new to him but he felt like he was adjusting okayly into his new life.

Work had been taking up most of peters thoughts, school, work, Spider-Man, school work, Spiderman. He mourned May everyday, but that was a constant. He didn’t have to start thinks about May for the feeling of emptiness to settle in deep in his chest and heart.

He was standing behind the register, waiting for whoever wanted to make any purchases come as he fidgeted with a pen, twirling it round between his fingers. His thoughts strayed.

Strayed to the night peter let May die. The night he killed May. The days he was selfish.

Why was he even alive? May should’ve survived, he should’ve been the one to die. He should’ve been the one that got snapped away. He should’ve stayed dead, yes, aunt May would’ve mourned but at-least she would’ve still been alive. What was the point of doing any of this Anyways? To save people as Spider-Man? Save the people who hated, despised him still. The people who wouldn’t even let him touch them when he came to their rescue.

He could die now. And nobody would know. Nobody would care. Nobody would come to check on him, he’d be forgotten. He was already forgotten. He had nobody who loved him. He had nobody to love. He didn’t think he could try to make any new relationships between anyone again because of the barrier that has built up around him.

Everyone else seemed so far away. He could be standing and talking to someone during class. Chatting, laughing politely at some jokes, but it wouldn’t be real. He knew something they didn’t. Before it was just his secret identity that he had to distance himself from people, now his own, normal, everyday person was a persona now. He wasn’t himself.

He hated himself, hated his actions, hated his selfishness, hated he loved still. Hated hated hated hated hated hated hated.

He killed, he murdered. He deserved to die, really. He deserved it. He wanted to die. He wanted to die.

No he didn’t. No. Maybe he didn’t want to die, but it’s what should’ve happened a long time ago. He deserved it. It’s rightfully his duty, he should kill himself. Do this world a favor and kill hims-

“Excuse me?”

Peter jumped at sudden customer.

“Y-yes?” Peter eyes met the face of a burnt looking face, hairless and shaded with a hoodie covering most his face. Peters eyes were red rimmed, nose red from the cold, beanie still on.

Peter eyes met the other man’s and the man immediately looked away, mumbling something about being ready to buy his stuff.

Peters face immediately brightened with understanding. “Oh- I’m sorry, Got distracted.” Peter set his pen down and began checking out the items that were placed next to the scanner.

“Should you be day dreaming on the job?”

Peter smirked at his hands as he continued scanning the man’s things.

“No, but it shouldn’t be a problem as long as my boss doesn’t know. you gonna tell my boss?”

Peter stole a glance at the man’s face, peters smirk still plastered on his face. Wade Wilson. Deadpool. Peter remembered being warned about the mercenary after telling Tony about a run in he had with the guy. He was a weird dude most the time, hitting on him, in the suit.

But outside the suits a different story Peter noticed. Peter, semi smug in knowing he was in the presence of Deadpool without the other man knowing. it’s not like wade tries to keep his identity a big secret, but still fun to acknowledge.

“Scouts honor. I’ll keep it between the two of us.”

Peter chuckled as he entered the prices into the register.

“Your totals 33.35$, scout.”

The hoodie on wades head seems less concealing than before when Wade hands him two twenty dollar bills.

Peter takes the bills and enters them into the register, taking out the correct change and hands them back to wade.

Wade stops his hand and pushes it back to him. “Keep it, a tip from one scout to another. buy yourself something nice.”

Peter watches the rough hand that’s touching his for a moment before he smiles at wade, taking the money and pocketing it.

“How generous of you to let me pocket 6 precious dollars!”

Peter says as he begins bagging wades items.

“Hey, what can I say? I’m just a generous guy.”

“And a humble one at that.” Peter adds.

Peter smiles at wade as he makes the statement, handing him his two bags.

“Have a nice day.” Peter says to wade, smiling still.

Wade smiles back, pearly whites showing,

“You too… peter?”

Peter slightly flinches at the name but smiles again in seconds.

“Peter, yeah. Shop with us again, scout.”

“Is that an order?”

“Sure is.” Peter says smiling, again.

They say their goodbyes, and Peters left feeling slightly good about the interaction. Peter leans against the counter behind him, fidgeting with the pen again. His shift ends soon. He should probably at-least pretend to be working for the last 20 Minutes.

2 finally comes around and he takes off on his bike to the pizzeria on the other side of town. The job was simple. Just deliver the pizzas to the right place within 30 minutes. Easy, mindless job, that requires little thought, and little explanation. The pay was average but the tips were the best part.

Peter usually tried to take a Night Shift, but someone took up all the good ones that week. (Nights a good time to deliver cause sometimes people are drunk when they pay, giving the delivery guy a very generous tip)

Peter starts his rounds, mindlessly. Trying not to think. When he does get those snippets of thoughts, he feels a Cloudy sense of depression take over his whole body. He pushes the feeling away as he continues biking around the city.

When his shifts over again, it’s 10pm And peters exhausted. He bikes home and parks his bike in his secret hiding spot(webbed inside a Sewer in an alley way.) once he makes it to his floor, through his apartment door, he collapses onto his bed. It’s not comfortable at all, but it’s a bed.

Peter kicks off his converse, and his puffer jacket all while laying in bed. He’s laying on his back now, huffing. Staring at his ceiling. He’d been holding them back all day, and now that he was back to his apartment, he knew he could let go now.

He moved his knees close to him now, balled up on his side. Laying down. Taking deep breaths. The tears come easily. Almost a routine now. Work, come to the apartment, cry. Again and again. Since a week ago the routine started, and it didn’t look like it was stopping.

It was the 21st of December. A couple days before Christmas Eve. He’ll be alone then. He feels crazy all the time now. Alone and crazy.

Alone crazy.

The worst kind of crazy, peter jokes with himself. He tucks his head in his knees. Weeping quietly. Peter wished for a lot of things now.

He wished aunt May was back, he wished she would burst through his front door, looking for him. Crying when she sets his eyes on him. She would collect him in her arms. She would hold Peter, when he told her about anything and everything. She would hold him and press a comforting kiss on his forehead when he says he loved tony. She wouldn’t judge. She would hold him through it. She’d wipe away his tears.

Peter was selfish. Peter was mean. Peter was cruel. Peter didn’t deserve anything. No friends, no family, no love, nothing. He did deserve to die, to pay for-

Peter quickly got up off his bed, wiping away his tears as he searched through his backpack. He quickly changed out of his clothes into his new suit. Peters new suit being a light shade of metallic looking sky blue and bright red. Peter liked it. He took inspiration from Peter #2 and 3’s spiders on the back and front. The new suit was a slight downgrade, not having any special AI attached to it, but it did feature demos for his new web net, and have some tech in the suit,(as much tech a senior in high school can get his hands on).

He felt his eyes burning as he donned the mask and headed out through the window.

He began to web sling in no direction in particular.

Peter flipped through the air, feeling the cold winter breeze whip past him as he flips over the Rockefeller center. He free falls down to the floor below, barely webbing himself back up before he landed face first into the cement floor. Peter swung up onto one of the tallest buildings around, flipping into landing onto his back on the cement floor. Peter pulled the edge of his mask above his mouth to catch his breath, steam puffing up with each of peters breaths.

He laid there looking up at the dark night sky, watching the snow fall down all around him. So much has happened in such a short amount of time. Felt just like yesterday when May was with Peter and peter was happy. Tony was a call away and happy knew who he was. His friends were there with him. Ready to talk. They were happy.

Selfish.

Peter closed his eyes. Eyes on his suit narrowing significantly. Peters hands interlaced on his chest and peter listened to the sounds around him. Cars, talking, laughing. He took a deep breath of the fresh icy air and relished in the feeling of his lungs feeling the prick of the cold.

He felt it before he saw it. Peter tingle, the tingle more of the buzz you get from excitement rushing through his body. Peter relished in the feeling. His spider sense not really sending danger signals through his body. He laid there feeling the sensation through his body as he opened his eyes and looked above him, to the sky.

A bright light captured his attention, he turned his head upwards, looking at a portal opening. A man walked through. Everything in peters vision being upside down, focused on the shoes of the man instead of anything else. The man kept walking towards peter, stopping a few feet away from Peter.

The shoes were black and sleek, reflecting what little light there was on the roof off of it.
They looked expensive and not at all what he imagined someone who worked for- worked with doctor strange would wear.

Peter assumed the man to come from doctor strange’s background because of the portal and how similar it was to the ones they used. Nothing was said for a moment, while peter still layed on the floor.

“You gonna get up? Cause I could lay down too. You know what, I’ll join you.”

Peters breath caught in his throat. The voice that seemed so familiar. The voice that scolded him when he did something stupid, the voice that he imagined would say I love you too. The voice he lov-

The man shuffled into a sitting position, and leaned back, groaning exaggeratedly as he laid down.

The man folded his hands on top of each other on his chest as he got comfortable on the cement floor.

Peter stared.

“You know, I wouldn’t usually do this kinda thing, you know, getting on the ground and laying on some dirty floor, but I’ll make a exception for you.”

The man spoke, but Peter was too focused on the eyes. The lips, the eyebrows, the hair, the cleanly shaved chin.

Peter exhaled. He must be dreaming.

The man’s head was tilted up aswell, meeting peters gaze.

“It’s nice to meet you, Spider-Man. I’m Tony Stark. I’m gonna ask you a few questions, I’ll be quick so you could get back into your spider business.”

Same tone of voice. Same smell, of motor oil and mint.

“Mr. Stark?” The voice was small and quiet.

Tony’s eyes widened at the boys. He breathed out, leaving a puff of heat, that floated away. Tony smiled wryly as he replied.

“I thought I asked you to call me Tony?”

Chapter Text

When tony woke, he was laying in the same battlefield.

Tony’s quickly wiped his tears as he sat up, and looked all around him.

An empty battlefield. Identical to the one he was just in but… nobody, anywhere.

Tony grunted as he stood up. Looking around.

He saw spaceships that were once flying, crashed to the ground. Discarded weapons, lying all across the battle field. Tony’s eyes landed on Thor’s dropped hammer as he looked around.

Tony held two hands up to his mouth as he yelled.

“PETER!!…. CAP??”

He continued like that for a while. Yelling names as he made his way through the battle field. He continued walking till there was no more battlefield. There were no noises. No people. Nothing.

Tony saw a landed jet in the old landing place, a bit far off from where the now demolished avengers base.

The back of the jet was opened, as though just used. He went up the ramp, looking around.

“Hello?”

He went inside the somewhat luxurious jet and looked into any door that was in his view, looking for any life. He made it to the front of the jet, immediately heading to the radios.

Tony held the button to the radios push to talk,

“Hello? Coming from upstate New York, is anyone in the area?”

He let go. Only getting static in response.

He tried a few times more before giving up. He got into the seat at the front, feeling something as he sat down, his hand reached down beneath him. Touching the seat, he pulled his hand back up and rubbed his fingers together. Dust.

“Shit.”

Tony started the jet up again, getting it up into the sky. He quickly set the track to New York City, and moved back to the cock pit. He spotted the controller that tony assumed controlled the tv.

He turned on the tv, and was met with normal running cartoons. He flipped through channels, till he got to the news broadcasting channel. The channel was pointed towards two empty chairs behind a sleek glass desk, a mic dropped beside the desk, the words that usually run down the bottom of the news, blank.

He flipped through more channels till he found another news channel. Same story, he continued flipping from channel to channel, getting mostly the same result in each one. He frustratedly threw the controller on to the couch behind him.

“Fuck.”

Tony headed back into the captains seat, taking off auto pilot and going high speeds down to New York. He landed on top of the landing pad at stark tower, he opened the Jets behind door and quickly ran out the back, running to the edge of the landing pad, looking down and around at new york.

Cars but none of them moving. No people on the sidewalks. He ran inside the building, jarvis letting him in. He quickly ran to grab a spare housing unit he kept inside every one of his labs, he stopped.

He looked at a photo “he” had hung up next to the lab door. It was peter.

Peter. Or what he recognized as peter for a second. It was the same intern certification picture they took for peters aunt. But, Peters hair was rod straight, poking out in all directions, and his face skinny, and long. Tony wondered how he even took recognized it as Peter in the first place. Tony’s eyes landed on what he thought was supposed to be him.

“Is that fucking Tom cruise?”

Tony smiled unwillingly at the image. It was silly. This? A blue eyed tony with some short scrawny kid? As tony and peter? It was laughable. Tony laughed a fake, exaggerated laugh as he headed into the lab, opening the cabinet where he kept his newly improve-

“Jarvis?”

“Yes, guest?”

“Guest? Jarvis it’s me tony.”

Jarvis stays silent a Moment before responding.

“Would you like me to call you Tony?”

“Jarvis quit the games. Also, hey- who was that out there, The photo near the entrance to the lab? Also, where’s my housing unit?”

Jarvis takes another pause as Tony continues looking cabinet after cabinet for the housing unit he knew he had around somewhere.

“The picture outside the entrance to the lab is a picture of Tony Stark, and his intern. Peter Parker.”

Tony stills at the new found knowledge, but Jarvis continues, so he continues as well.

“The housing unit, belongs to tony stark and is hidden in a password locked safe.”

“Yeah well I’m Tony stark, so give it up.”

“Not my tony stark.”

Tony looks up and around himself angrily, patience running thin.

Tony pauses, thinking of the best response to get jarvis to trust him and to just let him get the housing unit. He dropped all ideas as his curiosity as to the situation of the place he was in took over.

“Where is everybody? Jarvis?“

“According to my data bases, everyone’s dead.”

Tony sighed, leaning his arms onto a lab table, leaning his head into his hands.

Thanos won, at least here. Wherever this was. Tony felt strange. Like he had just eaten some bad Chinese food and was about to throw up. He felt dizzy. He clenched onto his head as he tried to get his thoughts in order.

Thanos won. Things we know number one. Number two, this isn’t my world. Jarvis being the fact checker in this situation. Number three. Tony didn’t fucking die. Number three being the best news he was sure anyone on his earth now would ever be able to hear.

Problem was. Tony was on some alter universe world where Tom cruise is tony stark and thanos actually won the war.

Priorities. Number one would be to Figure out this earths deal- wait no scratch that, getting home. Number one is getting home to peter and everyone else. Number two is figuring out this earths deal. Number three? Three? Who said we needed three priorities. Twos good.

One get home, two figure this jizz out. Easy. Easy…

Tony started on priority number two, seeing as it was the easiest.

“Have you ever met me before jarvis?”

“No.”

“Yeah- okay that was a dumb question- of course you haven’t.”

Tony say down in a corner of the lab in a glass sleek chair, tossing around a ball he found laying on the floor, from one hand to another.

“If you didn’t know me, why let me in?”

“Nobody is alive, so I figured what harm could you do.”

Tony bit the inside of his cheek as he thought it over.

“Yeah okay, sounds reasonable.”

Tony continues to talk to jarvis about the state of tech in this world. Asking about political affairs and what exactly happened in the battle Field he was just in.

The state of tech in this world is about at the same level as Tony’s #1s, political affairs almost completely the same, besides some historical differences. The situation on the battle field was about the same as Tony’s during infinity war.

“The Peter Parker thats from here, tell me about him.”

“Peter Parker is a college student who is interning for tony-“

“Okay okay yeah I get that- I know that he’s Spider-Man so tell me about all that.”

Jarvis pauses.

“Peter Parker was discovered as Spider-Man by tony stark when Peter was 17. Over the course of the past four years, Tony and peter Parker have worked together on taking down multiple criminals.”

“Does that include thanos?”

“Yes. One of those ‘criminals’ includes thanos.”

“Could you pull up a hologram of the kids suit?”

Jarvis pulls up a hologram of a spider suit that looks almost identical to peters spider suit, at first glance. But The dark blue is shiny, and reflects light off it and the red is vibrant compared to the dark tones of the blue.

“Show me tony starks suit please?”

Jarvis pulls up “tony starks” suit right beside Spider-Man’s. Tony gets up and walks around the suit. It’s metallic looking, grey and, again, almost identical to Tony’s. The same glowing arc reactor.

Tony sighed as he looked around the room. It all looked so familiar but yet so different. The posters, all so nerdy.

“Jarvis, where’s the nearest room? With clothes?”

“Outside the lab, to the left, down the hall, fifth door to your right.”

Tony takes one last glance at both the iron man suit and the Spider-Man suit before leaving the lab.

“What’s Tony Starks super hero name?”

“Steel dude.”

Tony stops his walking to the room as he looks around.

“Are you serious?”

“Tony stark was aiming to appeal to the younger population.”

Tony’s laughs out loud exaggeratedly,

“That’s hilarious! Wow. Steel dude. I’m going to have to tell Peter that when I get back.”

Tony continues smiling as he nears the room, entering the room as jarvis speaks.

“I’m sorry to inform you of this, but, Peter Parker has passed, along with everyone else on earth.”

“Oh I’m not talking about this earths peter Parker.”

Tony confirmed to himself a little while ago that he was on some alternate universe where he’s Tom cruise and peter is another awkward kid from queens.

He enters the room and immediately searched through the drawers pulling out a pair of socks, a pair of boxers, a wife beater, and sweatpants.

“Jarvis, play iron man by Black Sabbath.”

“… I don’t have any data on a song with that title. I do have steel dude by white sabbath.”

“Your joking? Tell me your joking? Please?”

“I’m not joking, sir.”

Tony sighed.

“I can’t go for that? John Oates and Daryl hall? You gotta have that.”

“I do have that sir.”

“Good.”

Tony strips off his deactivated housing unit, throwing it carelessly onto the counter. Clothes left in a trail behind him as he gets into the shower, the water scolding hot.

Pushing his hands through his hair as the song plays, nodding his head along with the beat.

tony gets out the shower, changes and immediately heads off to the lab.

“Nano tech- where is it jarvis?”

“It’s… it’s at the corner of the lab, T. Password combination is 149373.”

“T? what’s with the nickname?”
Tony walks towards the end of the lab, opening the lock to the room with the combination given.

“I don’t think I’m able to call you Tony, because of the attachment I had to my previous one.”

“That’s fair.”

Tony entered the room and was met with papers astray everywhere with pieces of suits strewn across the room. Tony walked up to a piece of paper that still had a pen laid upon it.

He picked up the paper, pen sliding off and read the frantic scribbling of words on the piece of paper.

MULTIVERSE?!?!?! Was written across the paper with several other indecipherable scribbles.

“He was trying to figure out the multiverse?”

Jarvis paused.

“He was desperate for ideas on how to survive thanos’s arrival. He considered traveling to a multiverse for other versions of the stones.”

Tony flipped through more pages around the room as he responded.

“He was that desperate? There would be no guarantee that if he made into another verse he would be able to gather the stones and if they even had them- so many variables that you wouldn’t be able to calculate. What was his situation before thanos came?”

“The stones were all taken over by thanos, besides the mind and time stone. All pym particles were hidden away by the creator. And, all of the revengers were disbanded.”

“Revengers?”

“Yes, the worlds most powerful band of people.”

“Were they evil or something? Revengers doesn’t exactly strike me as something hero’s would use as a band name.”

“… there were conflicting morals with the group that caused the break up between all of them.”

Tony was looking at a piece of suit now, turning the tech in his hand and analyzing the material.

“Was Spider-Man apart of the revengers?”

“Yes, since he was 18.”

“How old was he when the band broke up?”

“19.”

“Just when he joined too… how old was he when he died?”

“21.”

Tony paused looking at the tech, looking around the room as he set the tech he had in his hands down.

“Where was steel dude on the moral spectrum? Spiderman too? Where was he?”

Tony went and collected all the papers strewn across the room as jarvis spoke.

“Tony stark had always thought he had a greater moral compass than others, he was labeled as a philanthropist, even when the revengers banded, even when they disbanded.”

Tony digested the info as he organized the room into papers, books, tech, and tools.

“Peter Parker, Spider-Man, was a very good hearted person, up until the death of his aunt May a year ago. Peter Parker lost contact with tony stark. Spiderman was seen at many points hanging out with Deadpool, the mercenary.”

“Deadpool’s here? Or, I should probably say was here…. What was up between Deadpool and Spider-Man?”

Jarvis paused.

Tony paused.

“They were spotted at many times by tony starks drones to be engaging in… sexual activities in alley-“

“OH GOD- no no more of that- that’s enough. Oh god what if my Peter- I don’t even want to think of it. Thank you, jarvis, that’s enough.”

Tony exaggeratedly gagged, a gag that wasn’t all that fake.

“You said your Peter, T. What do you mean by that?”

“You haven’t figured it out already? Maybe I over estimated the guy who made you…”

“I have a few ideas.”

“Run em by me.”

Tony began bringing out the nano tech infused armor pieces out into the main lab.

“1, is that you are from an alternate universe and you somehow ended up here.”

“Bingo! Wow, you got it first try.”

Tony spread out all the tech across the table, going back to the room for the papers and tools.

“How did you end up here?”

I don’t remember jarvis being this nosy, tony thought, joking with himself.

“Thanos, I think. It’s complicated. But essentially what I remember is dusting away..”

Tony was reminded of peters pleading with him to stay, before tony was dusted off into this place. the memory motivated him to move faster, get back home to peter fast. He didn’t know what exactly was happening between the both of them in his last moments back home. The first time He had seen peter in five years, and tony felt like they weren’t where they last left off, to say the least. They had never ever, hugged, barely touched really, beside touches that tony would give Peter when they hung out in the lab, but the touches would never stay.

Tony saw how tensed peter got when he touched him for a moment longer than what was probably normal. Tony knew why the kid tensed up now, but still. They never touched.

Tony was reminded again of how it’d been 5 years since he saw the boy. The letters he found during the blip.

The letters.

Tony quickly dropped everything and went running to the Guests bedroom he got his clothes from. He went into The bathroom and went searching through his clothes. When he found the papers he sighed in relief.

“What happened t?”

Tony took the letters and opened them again. Reading through the contents as he had a hundred times before.

It was a love letter, actually, plural, love letters. He had found it when he went looking through peter and mays apartment.

—————————————

It had been 4 months since the first snap. 4 months to gather enough courage to visit the apartments that belonged to the kid. He had opened the front door with the key he had gotten when he began paying rent for the people who weren’t there anymore. When he entered the apartment he was hit with the same smell Peter seemed to carry around everywhere. Vanilla and olive.

He closed the door behind him as he entered. What greeted him was the living room and kitchen. He felt the fabric of the couch, now covered in a thin layer of dust. Dust.

Tony pulled his fingers away and wiped them on his sweatshirt. The tv was off, controller on the coffee table that was in the middle of the room Peter and May lived in. He continued to the kitchen, seeing stacks of books on different subjects in science. One of them opened on the island, next to a book with notes written messily all around the page. Tony opened the book and saw Varying topics of notes written all throughout the notebook as he flipped through.

Tony smiled at what was obviously peters work and gently set the notebook back where it was last. The fridge mostly contained moldy foods and take out, that was probably moldy.

He continued down to the three doors in the left section of the apartment. He opened one of the doors, peeking inside. Once tony identified it as mays room he promptly stepped out the room and shut the door.

Tony didn’t want to snoop through some woman he barely knew’s room. He opened another door. This one opened to a bathroom with various and many hair products on the counter. He entered only taking a glance at the contents that was inside the drawers. A certain bottle of gel caught his attention though. Tony picked up the bottle and sniffed the contents, internally cringing at the thing he just done.

It smelled like the kid.

He quickly set the jar down and left the bathroom.

He hesitated before the third door. The room that had to be peters. Peters room. He opened the door.

The room had bunk beds, a desk right besides the door. A whole lot of lego figures and builds all decorating every surface. The rooms was slightly messy, with some clothes thrown around, and it looking like it was filled to the brim with things, but it was nice. It looked like Peter. Tony remembered the last time he was in peters room. Remember how nervous the kid was.

Peter would probably be scrambling around right now, picking up and apologizing for the clothes on the floor. Watching Tony’s gaze, ready for judgement. Tony knows how personal peter takes things so he wouldn’t judge. He’d compliment peter on his figures, since he knew that was something Peter was embarrassed about. They’d talk about old movies. Like the old times. Tony would compliment peter again on his work and how he was getting so smart now and peter would blush-

Tony looked around the room, picking up a few books and flipping through the contents. He could tell Peter slept on the top bunk the last time he was here because of the unmade state it was in. The room smelled like Peter, and looked like Peter. Tony sighed as he flopped down on the bottom bunk, folding his hands on his chest as he laid down. The bottom of the bunk above him had basic wooden support, lining the bottom of the bed above him.

He examined the bottom of the bed more before getting up above the bed. Almost getting off the bed. He saw a piece of paper sticking out of the wall and the bunk bed. Tony crawled to the piece of paper, now on his hands on knees. He tugged a bit on the piece of paper, but not wanting to rip it, got of the bed and pulled the bed off the wall.

A stack of neatly folded papers came flying down between the gap that was now between the bed and wall. The papers were ripped out of notebook based off the lines on the paper and the line where your supposed to tear having scrapes of paper still stuck to it.

He gathered the papers into a somewhat neat pile and looked at the front of the first page of the pile he made.

Tony’s eyes widened as he read the words on the mostly blank page. There were only a couple words but it got across everything.

Tony. I love you.

Tony felt like dropping the papers and running. He felt like his insides suddenly weighed the same as an elephant. But he flipped to the next page, tucking the page he just read underneath all the others.

Mr. Stark, I dont know how to say this but I really really like love you. I know I’m only

The Rest of the words were scribbled out. He turned to the next. The next page looked as though it had been crumpled up, but flattened again.

Dear tony stark,

It’s me, peter, writing. Im writing this in case I die beating up some bad guys in battle or something and I never get to tell you how I feel. How i felt. I don’t know how this would reach you , but I’m hoping it does. I don’t really know how to say this, but I’m going to just say it. Write it I mean. I love you. I have for a while and I only Just realized it myself not that long ago, well not that long ago, in terms of the time I’m writing this letter. It’s august 10th now. My birthday. It’s 2 am, and I just came back from watching the neighborhood. This is a very spur of the moment kinda thing. But, I love you. If you do ever find this letter, don’t feel like you have to let me down. Don’t feel like you have to feel bad for not having the chance to aid the love I have for you to a grave. Don’t feel bad, please.

I hope you and pepper the best. I know that you have pepper and it’s so so so selfish of me to write you this when I know you have somebody else you love. But I think everyone’s allowed to be a selfish person from time to time. I love you, Mr.Stark. Even if you don’t love me back. Even if I had to go by everyday without your love. I’d be fine. Knowing that you had someone in your life you loved. Someone in your life that loved you. Even if you weren’t loving me. I’d be happy. Happy for you.

If you do find this letter and I’m still alive, don’t tell me you found this because ill make sure I won’t be alive much longer…. Just kidding!

Love you,
Peter

P.S.

If you could keep this between me and you, that’d be nice. I think I’d die a second time from embarrassment. Not that I’m ashamed, It’s just, you know, love. Feelings. And sometimes you want to keep your love private.

For my sake only, I love you.

Tears fell onto the page. Tears dotting the letters. Tears ending sentences that weren’t ready to end.

“Tony!!” Tony quickly tucks the papers into the waist band of his jeans, covering it in his sweatshirt, and wiped his tears. He shut his eyes and shook His head into his hands as he collected himself. He ignored thoughts and headed out into the living room.

“Tony! There you are!”

Pepper came up to tony holding files. She set them down as she threw her hands around Tony’s neck, pulling the man into a hug.

“H-how did you know I was here?”

Tony didn’t hug her back.

“Happy told me.”

Tony nodded his head, face emotionless.

Pepper squeezed Tony once before pulling away. Pepper and tony looked at each other a moment before peppers eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“I’m happy your taking this step, Tony.”

Peter, who’s love had to die in vain. Peter, who was only 17. Peter, who’s life only started. Peter, who loved tony.

And tony. Who’d taken more lovers than he can count. Tony, who’s life should’ve already run it’s course, then, When the snap happened. Tony who was blind to see the feelings. Who’s feelings? Turning a blind eye to who’s feelings? Who’s fee-

“Tony?“

Tonys eyes snapped to peppers, from the notebook on the counter with peters writing.

“Yes?”

Pepper continued scanning Tony’s face.

“What happened?”

Tony’s fingers twitched towards the papers. But he shook his head, deciding to keep the love to himself.

“Just- just memories. He was just a k-“

He was just a kid.

“Kid, you know? For him to go so young…”

Tony faked a certain level of sadness for pepper. A level of sadness that was acceptable, for a man to have. For his student. A kid. Pepper asked if he wanted to go. He agreed, even if he wanted to stay in peters room. Wanted to breath in the scent of peter. Read the letter again.

He got into the car that happy was driving with pepper. He stared out the window as pepper got into the details of her work load. It was raining. A drop landed on the window and didn’t move. Wasn’t touched by another drop. Didn’t touch another drop. Didn’t connect with another and fall down the glass. It stayed.

It reminded Tony of the love. Peter had for him. Of the love. That was. Inside, somewhere. Locked. Private love. Secret love. A lonely love.
A selfish love.

But, everyone’s allowed to be a selfish person from time to time.

—————————————

Tony blinked away the tears as Jarvis’s words made itself known in Tony’s mind.

“What was that? Jarvis?”

“…. What happened?”

Tony shook his head as he closed the paper. Tucking it away into his sweatpants.

“Nothing- nothing.”

Tony’s breathing calmed, feeling the paper in his pants heavy, a calming presence. That the feelings are near, and they could someday, be returned. As soon. As he gets all this multiverse shit figured out.

The weeks of research, exploring this world for the materials he needs, and constructing, turn into a month and a week. A month and a week, And tony fucking stark figured this multiverse shit out.

Well. Not really. He just was able to incorporate Stephen Strange’s magic into nano tech. The magic actually able to open portals, to the desired person, and tech able to get him from multiverse, to multiverse.

He had plenty of pym particles, as the guy who made em hoarded em till he rotted. 38 tries. To find Peter Parker. Tony Stark’s peter Parker.

First try… let’s go.

“Are you nervous, t?”

“A bit, yeah.”

“You remember our agreement, right?”

“Of course I remember, if we find pete the first time round, it was nice meeting you jarvis.”

Tony had made a promise to jarvis, that if he did find pete, in his home universe, he would deactivate jarvis. Killing jarvis. So he could find peace. Jarvis had said he didn’t want to have to live in a place for who knew how long, without a single person to talk to. Tony promised him, and he would kill himself before he forgot to kill jarvis.

The thought made tony slightly smirk.

“It was nice meeting you too, t.”

Tony put in the pym particle and moved to the most basic portal looking, movie cliche, portal machine.

The thing began to whir and light up in different places, lights all around tony flickering. Tony’s smiled plastered on his face.

The portal opened.

It took Tony a moment for him to recognize the image, the room, but he recognized the decorations he had saved in a storage unit. His eyes fell upon the boy laying in the middle of the bright room.

Peter. Peter with sunlight filtering through the windows, onto his face. Peter with the shirt he had bought him, all those years ago. Peter with the brown eyes and brown hair, that looked almost golden with the sunlight on it. Peter with a sad look on his face. Peter.

“Peter?”

The image lasted a second more, before the whole building powered down. The image of peters soft skin, gone. Eyes, almost gold from the sunlight, gone.

“WHAT THE FUCK!”

Tony stomped his way down to the stairs, running, aiming to get to the basement.

He quickly switched on the backup power on.

Tony stomped around in circles in the now brightly lit basement. Jarvis quietly spoke to the raging tony.

“Was that him?”

Tony’s fury calmed a bit.

“Y-yeah that was my Peter-“

Tony’s hands found their way to the papers. They weighed heavy in his pants. He pulled them out, and stared at the multiple words. Page after page. All saying essentially the same thing. I love you, and I know this love is going to die in vain.

“Did he write those?”

Jarvis asked.

Tony hesitated before responding. He nodded his head shakily, before replying verbally.

“Y-yeah. He wrote these.”

Jarvis didn’t say anything else. The silence calming. The silence tense.

The portal didn’t turn back on the rest the day.

Take 2, this time, with all the power in the city, routed to stark tower. 37 tries left.

The second try went 100x better than the last. Or 100x worse, just depends on how you look at it. He didn’t find his Peter, but he did find a man with a solid beer belly and stubble. But, at least the portal actually stayed open for as many minutes Tony needed.

Tony apologized to the man who looked nothing like his peter and left. Leaving the apparent Spider-Man confused in Tony’s arrival and leaving.

He tried one other time that day, to be met with a man who was dressed in a cheap spandex costume, waving a sign Over his head, the sign pointing to a wrestling center. He promptly closed the portal machine for the rest of the day.

Weeks went by, with no sign of his peter. Only having a few actually interesting talks with Peter Parker’s. Tony had worried that maybe every Peter would look like his peter and he wouldn’t be able to tell them apart, but that just seemed to be the opposite case. He had trouble finding people who even looked remotely like his peter.

It’d been a month, since he started the multiverse jumping. Two months and a week since he landed in this planet. The jumping verses beared no fruit, besides the first attempt that had failed terribly, but had showed tony a glimpse as to who was waiting for him back home.

Tony had kept a steady one try a day rule going on, as he didn’t want to waste them all in a week, and he didn’t want to risk overworking the portal machinery.

He read the letters everyday, before he went to sleep, whenever he did fall asleep. He didn’t dream. But he imagined silly situations, where he came back, and peter ran into his arms-

He stopped them as soon as they came. Tony wouldn’t have peter. He couldn’t. Not when he was so young and didn’t know what he wanted- what he needed. Tony knew what he wanted and needed to do. The wants and needs conflicting.

Tony barely went outside. To the healing earth. Only going out to get fresh air after a visit that would make Tony’s heart beat, in anticipation, of actually seeing his Spider-Man. Only to not be recognized, or for him not to recognize them.

One case, a day ago, had been with a Spider-Man at night. The suit had the same dark colors Peter had last time Tony saw him. Tony had watched as the Spider-Man flipped through the sky. Graceful and sleek. His heart pounded at the idea that, that-

That they could’ve been his Spider-Man. It wasn’t of course. But he still called for them.

“HEY!! HEY! SPIDERBOY!!”

Tony had a few question he asked to every Peter, just to see who had who and what happened where. Seeing and keeping track of differences in different universes.

The Spider-Man’s head quickly turned to tony as he swung over, landing gracefully in front of the older man.

“Hey dude, what’d you need? Your not like some mob lackey or anything like that right?”

“Mob lackey? Do I look like a mob lackey?”

Spiderman pointedly looked Tony up and down and confidently said,

“Yes? I mean you got the goatee thing going on, you look Italian too.”

Tony looked down at himself, he was wearing jeans with a t shirt, on top of it a puffer jacket.

“I don’t see it. But I’m kinda insulted, if anything I would be a mob boss. I am Italian though.”

“You are! Haha!”

“Don’t be too proud of yourself, I’m the fucking pinnacle of Italian.”

“Sure, sure. Anyway what’d you need?”

This Peter was taller than his, lankier.

“I wanted to ask a few questions about this whole gig you got going on-“

“Ah- sorry bro, but I don’t do interviews.”

“Looks peter, peter am I right?”

Spiderman froze.

“Okay peter it is, I don’t wanna waste your time so we could just get this over quick?”

Spiderman nodded stunned.

“Are you the only hero around here?”

“A-as far as I know? Maybe there’s some other guy that got bit by a spider but I don’t think so.”

“Isn’t that tough? Being the only hero around?”

“Yeah- uh kinda? I don’t really know, I just can’t get over the fact you knew my name- who exactly are you?”

Tony extended his hand.

“Tony stark, iron man.”

Spiderman hesitated before he reached his own hand out too, taking the man’s hand in his.

“What’s an iron man?”

They continue talking for a while, Peter eventually taking off his mask. He had the brown eyes and brown hair peters tended to have going on. Tony talked to Peter about the multiverse, and how he was looking for his peter. Peter started jumping around at the confirmation to his ideas of the multiverse, though he promised tony not to get involved in the multiverse.

Tony and peter hugged each other as they parted, peter watching bewildered as tony entered the portal that led back to his temporary home.

After he got back to the planet he had landed on more than 2 months ago,

He stepped outside. Taking a deep breath in and out. In and out.

8 more tries left.

One night, tony did dream, more of a replay of memories than anything else.

The dream.

It had been a year, since the snap. And 8 months since tony had found out about the feelings. 8 months of lying to pepper. Lying about everything.

They had grown distant. Over the months.

It could’ve been excused, by work, and the losses they went through. But Tony was bad at hiding things from pepper. And pepper was good at finding things out about tony.

So one day, when tony was at his lab, working on a prosthetic leg, for the public. Pepper came in. Tony didn’t notice her presence till she dropped a single piece of paper in front of Tony.

Tony looked up at pepper, a glance really and continued working.

“What’s that?” Tony said as he twisted a screw into place.

“You should know.”

Tony licked his lips as he looked away from the prosthetic leg. To pepper. Her face was pensive, eyebrows knitted with concern.

“Do you want me to read it..? Kinda confused right now.”

“Read it.”

Tony wiped his Hands off his pants and reached for the paper-

He paused, hand staying in a reaching motion. It was the same paper. The same paper that came from that notebook. Those pages- the same-

Tony took the page into his hands.

Dear tony Mr. Stark,

I love you. Have for a while. Anyways, I hope your okay, if you ever find this I know your not, because I’d have to be dead for anybody to find these letters. I hope you don’t feel too bad about me being, where ever I am, right now.

Really sorry for any turmoil I may cause you.
Sorry for loving the man who just wanted to help that kid from queens. Sorry for loving your smile. Sorry for loving the way your tongue pokes out your mouth, and the way your eyes narrow when you focus on something in the lab. Sorry for loving your stupid jokes. Sorry for getting attached, to your touch and your eyes.

I’m sorry for loving you. A love that benefits me, and me only is a selfish love I know. But I can’t help, loving the way, you look at me.

Love you,

Peter Parker

Tony, hadn’t read that one before.

He willed the tears not to come. He grimaced at the paper, trying to hold back the feelings he felt from pouring out. He stared at the page, eyes blurring.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me why you’ve been acting like this for the past months.”

“Pepper, you know that I lost-“

“Is it him?”

Pepper sounded mad, on the brink of tears herself, but the words came out soft more than anything.

Tony looked at her after staring at the paper for so long.

“Is what hi-“

“Don’t act stupid tony, you know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about.”

Pepper rarely sweared.

Tony paused as he folded the paper in half, the same way he folded all the other letters. He didn’t answer the question. He started walking towards the exit of the lab.

Pepper didn’t follow.

“Did you love him?“

Tony slammed the door behind him.

The papers, that were always near him weighed heavy in the pocket of his pants as he walked up the stair to his office. He slammed the door behind him as he sat in the chair. He held his head in his hand, taking deep breaths.

Tony took out the papers in his pocket, and angrily threw them next to the new letter. Tony felt terrible. About the love. About peters private love being out . About Tony’s private turmoil over the letter being revealed.

He heard a knock at the door. The letters were all out. All thrown across his desks. He didn’t bother hiding them as pepper came in.

She walked to Tony’s side of the desk, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, tony.”

Tonys eyes closed.

“It’s not, its really not. He- he’s gone and he-“

Pepper reached out and touched his shoulder. Rubbing up and down, in a way tony thought was supposed to be comforting.

“It’s okay, if you loved hi-“

“It’s not okay. He’s dead. He’s dead now.”

“We can work through this tony-“

“No. I can’t and I don’t think I really want to-“

Tony was standing now, slightly towering over pepper.

Tony’s hand was clenching the letter he had read hundreds of times over the past 8 months. Pepper looked at the stack of letters and slightly grimaced. The expression lasted a second before she put her hand over Tony’s.

Tony realized he had crumpled the letter that had been crumpled before. Tony quickly began to flatten the paper, trying to get the words back to their original form.

Pepper watched as tony accidentally ripped the letter in half. Pepper watched as tony broke down over the paper. The paper that had Tony’s tears, mingled with another’s. Another persons tears that were never going to come again.

Tears like their love. Tony’s coming long after, Peters came. Joining at last, but too late.

Pepper took the split paper from tony gently.

She took the pieces, and placed them together on the messy desk. Tony watched, breath caught in his throat. Words not coming.

Pepper opened a drawer, pulling out a roll of scotch tape.

She taped the pieces together carefully. The words coming together again. As pepper taped, lines and phrases popped into her vision. No matter how much she wanted to look away. Not read the confession of love, her eyes betrayed her.

I think everyone’s allowed to be a selfish person from time to time.

Random lines, of the boys love.

I’d be fine. Knowing that you had someone in your life you loved. Someone in your life that loved you.

A selfless love. Pepper thought.

For my sake only, I love you.

Pepper flattened the paper carefully one last time before adding it to others, carefully gathering them into a pile. Tony watched as she folded them. He watched as she handed them into Tony’s hands.

Tony took the papers, shakily. The breaths between them, loud and uncomfortable.

“I don’t know, what we’ve been doing for the past 8 months.”

Tony looked down at the papers in his hands, stroking them with his thumb, almost lovingly. As though peter was there. Face in his hands. Tears streaming down, and tony was there to wipe away the tears. Hold him.

Tony remembered holding peter as he dusted away. Tony remembered the pleading, to not to go. To stay. To live. The dust flying away. The dust that was peter. The dust that was his love. Going in the wind. Gone.

“I don’t know either.”

They divorced 6 months later.

Tony had kept the papers in his desk after the encounter. For 3 years, he went back to loving freely, drinking. Inventing whatever whenever.

Somewhere along the way, happy found out about the love that should’ve died in vain long ago.

He went to visit the storage unit that had peters things, that held the words he so desperately tried to forget. He didn’t deserve peters love. Pepper’s. He didn’t deserve the love that seemed to find him.

He went into the unit, searching every drawer, every folder that looked like peters. He found one letter. One letter.

As soon as he found it, quickly opened it, desperate for the words that stated the boys love.

I want to feel, his arms bracketing my head. His hands caressing my face. His lips on mine. I want the heat of his body, leaning over me. The heat, the love. I want to feel his lips trail down my neck, to my shoulders, to my chest. I want to feel his tongue, wet and hot, over the spots he’s marked.

To feel his stubble, rub against my cheek, as he pushes inside. Whispers of encouragement, floating into the air. Heat all around as he quickens his pace. Breath fast and shallow as he pushes in and out of me.

Kisses wet, and long. Kisses that don’t have to be, but they are.

To feel his breath, hot steam, mingled with mine. As we reach the climax. Whispers of I love you’s. As he holds me after the love. Holds me through the love. Pushes the hair off my forehead. Leaving his love on my forehead.

Leaving my love on his cheek. Breathing calmed. Breathing shared. Breathing together.

Tony stared and read over the paper many times over.

He ignored the problem that he felt disgusted about. His dick was sickeningly hard as he stood up from his crouched position, his slightly drunk state not helping the situation at all.

He folded the paper, tucking it into his pants as he closed and locked the storage unit.

He got into his car and drove. And drove. Four and a half years since the snap. By then tony had tried many times to push and ignore the feelings.

The feelings.

Tony pressed harder on the gas as he sped down the streets of New York.

Months went by, of reading the newly found writing, and finding a girl in a club. Or a guy. Tony was never conscious enough to remember.

Tony had made progress on nano technology. New suit fully reparable, without any help of tony. The vibranium tiny and woven together like fabric. The tech giving the suit a pattern that shone in the sunlight.

Tony worked on new suits for… himself. the suits all spider suits. The suits having different elements from villains peter had fought in the past. The suits were a passion project throughout the years. Now almost 5 years since the snap, having made about 137 suits in the elapsed time.

Pepper and tony had reconciled somewhat in the last year. Talking casually again. Talking again.

Happy was still stand off ish, but still showed he was there for tony with bottles of water by his side when he got into a car that happy was driving after a night out. Tony didn’t think he deserved any of the acknowledgment of his being at all. He wished he would just disappear. Into the oblivion that took peter.

When the five year mark came, and some avengers came knocking on his penthouse door, he listened to their crazy bullshit. The possibility of time travel?

Tony laughed, pushing them away. He tried the equations and reconstruction later that day, after a night with some interviewer from some news station.

He talked to Friday, saying to not worry if the calculations didn’t work out. He grabbed a glass and filled it up with scotch.

He promptly dropped the same glass as he saw the calculations work through.

He brought the letters with him that morning to the facility. Gifting captain America’s shield back to the man when he arrived.

The moments before he dusted. Holding peter. Peter wanting him to stay, Tony wanting to stay and hold peter, give Peter the love he had wanted all that time. Peter dusting.

Peter wanting. And not receiving what he wanted. Tony wanted to care for the boy who had so many problems so young. But most of all, he wanted peter to be alright. To be okay without tony. While he was gone.

To not feel bad about the love. If tony could help it, he wanted peter to forget the love.

Tony woke in a cold sweat.

The talk with the Spider-Man who said he looked Italian had happened almost a week ago now.

Two tries left.

Tony rushed down to the basement, turning on the back up generator, just in case anything goes wrong. He did the standard, folding all his notes and discoveries on the multiverse into his pocket jacket pocket. He dressed into a worn button up and suit pants. Jacket, black and dark brown, (more of a coat really) with a soft cotton lining and tons of pockets on the front.

He stuffed the letters into the pocket on the opposite side of the notes, patting himself down, hoping, that this try would be the one.

He grabbed one of the two pym particles left and grabbed the button he made, to shut off jarvis and destroy the multiverse jumper at the same time.

He shoved the button into his pocket and reached out to put the pym particles into the jumper.

“Do you think this will be the one?”

Tony sighed rolling his head around, getting rid of the nerves and nodded affirmably.

“I really hope so, jarvis.”

“What will you do if it’s not?”

Tony paused. Thinking over the question.

“I’d start again, in another universe. I’d find a way to find him…. It was nice meeting you, jarvis.”

“It was nice meeting you too, Tony.”

Tony entered the pym particles into its coordinating place and watched at the whirring and light spouted out the opening of the machine.

Two months and two weeks of time searching. Tony thought, this better fucking be my universe or else I’m gonna have a fuckin conniption.

The portal opened, to a snowy New York, Spider-Man laying on his back, looking up at the sky. Feeling the letters in his pocket. Still heavy. Still giving him warmth as he walked through the portal, to the cold.

Chapter Text

"I thought i asked you to call me Tony?"

a thousand sensations flooded peters body as he processed what was lying before him. a million questions following right behind. Who? How? What? Really?

"Tony-?" peter croaked.

The view of tonys body and face lying besides him was much to process, making his spider sense go haywire with conflicting instincts. He followed his first instinct.

As soon as the mans name left his mouth peter jolted upright and jumped onto his feet.

"W-who? How? no...." Peter rambled as he took cautionary steps backwards towards the ledge of the skycraper, away from the Tony clone.

As tony viewed the shocked teens reaction he became more cemented in the belief that this truly was the peter hed spent so long searching for. The same voice, the same pale skin... There were differences immediatley apparent, the boy had grown. Not much taller, but the boys build had filled in. This couldve ofcourse happened in the time he was away. Months he'd been gone, leaving everyone thinking he was dead. He hoped so dearly this was his peter.

Tony sat up, but still leaned against his hands as he looked at peter. "Peter parker, avenger, sharp as a tack, loooves his aunt, best friends ned and MJ?" Peters half covered face revealed an agape mouth, with puffs of hot air coming out faster than normal. Peter whispered, "How?" under his breath, still processing the moment. Tony went on as he pulled himself up to stand. "Spidermaning against my restriction, a strong sense for right and wrong, the clumsiest lab assistant despite his peter tingle?"

Peters agape mouth shifted to a wry smile as he realized who this really was. he let out a nervous but genuine chuckle. Tony steps toward peter as he continues with more, planning to really discover if this is his peter or not.

"the nerdiest boy in queens? Lego enthusiast- or master should i say?" peter guffaws at this still nervous, but hes not leaning away from tony anymore. Tony steps closer, till their only a couple feet apart.

"Peter? is it you?" Tony sounds less confident now, more pleading. Perhaps the chance that it really was peter was settling, and making him feel the same thousand sensations peter was feeling.

Peter, unsure what to say, does something hes not sure he should. he hesitantly brings his hands up to his mask, pinching the end that just covers his nose and above. Looking at the look in tonys eyes, he sees vulnerability, he sees the same look he got before peter dusted away. The same look he got when tony did the same. I....

Peter yanks his mask off, revealing messy curly hair, rosy pink nose and cheeks and reddened wide eyes. Tonys eyes fly all over his face.

a moment passes with them both staring at one another frozen, with no barriers between them.

Tony takes long strides to the boy and captures him in his embrace. Tonys arms are around peter's shoulders, and it takes a moment before peter responds in kind. Wrapping his arms around tonys torso. Heavy and sharp breaths are had by the two, as they smelled eachothers smells and took eachother in. Tony feels his eyes tear up, he didnt supress them this time. he felt them fall from his eyes, but he was smiling.

"you- you came back."

"I did"

"Where- Where were you? I- i missed you so-"

"long story spider hah-" Tony interupted, without meaning to. He reciprocated.
"i missed you so much too, Peter"

With their reunion and embrace, tony doesnt notice as the button in his coat is accidently pushed. The portal connecting the two universes fizzing away, as the two are in their own world.

Chapter Text

He looks so much more grown. so much. When tony thought about coming back home, and seeing peter again, he'd always imagine gushing about the things he saw in this alternate universe. Reality was different. He needed this time of quiet, after months of non-stop thinking. He squeezed peter closer, and pressed his lips into peter’s hairline. coconut. he squeezed his eyes together, as relaxation and built up tension released. If he shed a tear, the sensation wouldnt be enough to make him realize it, his heart was beating out of his chest. Tony took deep breaths.

Peters deep breaths feel hot against his own skin, as he breathes into tony’s coat. He holds tony tight around his torso, tighter again when he feels tony tighten his grip. Someone he knew, when was the last time I hugged someone so closely.

The hug lasted forever, and even longer, until they were forced to separate by their own mindfulness of eachother. Peter and tony look at eachother, smiles growing on one anothers faces. The happiness seeped in. Peter took a better look at tony, and noticed how terrible he actually looked. Dark circles and worry wrinkles were etched onto his face- almost permanently it seemed. Tony's smile was sweet and full of mirth, as he looked and examined peter.

“You look terrible…” peter whispered facetiously, his smile rising on one side.

Tony in shock for a second- smiles wider and quips “ I was just about to say the same thing to you.”. A lie of course, he looked more grown and yet boyishly charming with his red blush and curly hair- Tony looks down at peter, analyzing the suit while holding him at arms length “Hey- hey, what is this? Who… you changed the suit?”

Peters head whips downward and back up at tony, “I- um, yes. I did.”

“My suit wasnt good enough for ya? Gone for a bit and you just chuck my suit out? Peter…” Tonys tone is half joking, but peter immediately feels sorry.

“ Its not like- I- well- Gone for a bit is a little bit of understatement, dont you think? And if i couldve kept it I would’ve!” Peter stumbles across his words, hoping they'd come out as english.

Tony chuckles, “ A couple months would be a miserably long time for my biggest fanboy. Why couldnt you keep it peter? God, i bet theres so much I’ve missed…”

Peters eyes widen and he freezes as he processes what Tony just said. A couple months, a couple months.

“Well, we’ll just have to get you a new one, that is, if you deserve it-” Tony says while lifting one eyebrow.

“Couple months?”

“Yes…?”

“Define couple.”

“3 or 4, im not sure i lost track of time a little. Whats wrong? What?”

Peter stays silent but casts his gaze to the side, to the buildings down bellow, but not really seeing anything.

“its been almost 3 years.”

“Years?”

no.. no

The panick settles into tony's heart and chest as he processes this information. Peter perhaps says something but tony cannot hear. His eyes were glued to peters for a while, then he couldn't stand to look at him. His already racing heart races even faster than before. Maybe it was the prolonged heavy breathing, or the realization of time passed, or even just seeing peter again, or maybe all these factors together that makes tonys body sitffen, then limp. Peter catches the unconcious tony in his arms, he was all full of panic and nerves. He hangs tony on his back, with tonys arms webbed together around peter’s neck. He takes him home.

When tony awoke, it was early morning. Perhaps the news of it being so long since being home terrified him, but the knowledge he was with peter, in his home universe again made that sleep the most restful one he'd had in months. He blinked awake, and grunted as he turned on his back. He layed looking at the ceiling, analyzing the bumpy texture and the tiny cracks. He was calm for having no idea where he was. The morning light was peeking through the windows, if only it was the reflection of light off of other buildings. The sheer curtains were wide open welcoming the morning. Tony listened. A faucet was running. Brushing teeth, and he heard a slight hum of a tune. Perhaps a made up one. Tony didnt get up for a while, he listened and watched as the sunlight outside got brighter and less red.

When he did get up, he looked around the apartment. It was small, the tiny bed he was sleeping on was messy, and there was a mess of blankets and pillows in the middle of the apartment. Where peter slept last night? I assume this is peters apartment, this could also be the place where i spend the rest of my days, kidnapped and locked up… He thought, but knew it wasnt true, the bed smelled like him. Peter.

He got up and walked around as peter was still in the bathroom. There were not many pictures up, but some random math notes taped to the walls. Various laws and procedures. There was no couch in the apartment, barely even a kitchen space. One funky rug was in the middle of the open area, where a couch and tv would go. He looked through the kitchen cabinets, cereal, pasta, ramen, and other random spices and salts but not much else.

He saw his coat on a rack, and saw his leather shoes beside it. sweet.

Peter bursted out the bathroom door, going straight for the wooden chest of drawers, where he rummaged for clothes. He paused after a moment, noticing tony. they stared at eachother for a moment, peter said “Good morning” before rummaging through his drawer again.

“Morning.”

Peter was dressed in jeans and a very large oversized t-shirt. Tony wondered what had peter in such a rush. Perhaps he has a lecture soon… Tony imagined peter in a prestigous university, looking smart and working hard.

“Im sorry for blacking out on you…”

Peter whispered a slight guffaw, and shook his head “i would've too.”

Tony watched peters physique more closely now. He was older, 3 years older than he remembered. His body showed this, and he was sure that peter was more experienced a hero now than before. How hes grown he hadnt the privilege of watching and nurturing. God forbid some other billionare hero took him under his wing…

“Its been a long time Peter, a longer time for you then me.”

Peter nodded his head .he whispered, “yeah.”.

“im sorry i missed so much, i just.. i cant even imagine how much ive missed,”

Tony walked closer to peter as he talked, he didnt know how to make up for all the time missed. All of a sudden the burden of those years was upon tony, and he didnt know what to do. Peter picked out a button up plaid shirt finally.

Peter nodded along with what tony was saying, but tonys eyes have been looking to peters face for some sort of response.

Peter took off the baggy t-shirt and got to work buttoning his work shirt as tony came up next to him.

“Peter…”

Peter didnt know what to say, there was so much, so much he felt ashamed to tell tony. He had screwed up, his life was pissed away. The peter tony once knew was changed. The pieces of innocence he once had seemed dried up and degraded. Nothing about him was okay, nothing about his situation he was okay with. He didnt want tony to know, but the idea of having someone to talk to… Tony is the only person in the world to know him now. How can i push him away?

Peter imagines-

“Tony…” he chocked, the buttons he was desperately trying to button blurred before him. His vision cleared as his tears dripped down his cheek. Peter quickly wiped them away. turning farther away from tony, making a move to walk towards the bed- anywhere but next to tony.

Tony grabbed peters shoulder firmly, and without hesitation pulled him into a hug. It was hard, it was forced at first, peters hands were against tonys chest, almost pushing away. But the tears wouldnt stop now. He sobbed into tonys chest, stress was pouring out of him now.

“Im here Peter…”

peter imagines telling him everything that happened, everything everything everything then and there- confessing his darkest truths and having the comfort of tony beside him.

“Peter…” peter sniffs and smiles at tony.

“Im just, so happy, youre here now.”