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Chapter Text

That awkward moment when the Avengers realize they all love/want Darcy.

Natasha realized she might love Darcy Lewis when the young glorified assistant/baby sitter (seriously, that team needed more than one) found for her a little Russian bakery and bought her Biskvit every Wednesdays. it was her only weakness and Darcy Lewis was a godsend. Natasha decided to take her under her wing. And yes, if she wasn't so hetero, she would marry her. New York was great like that. 'Who knows, the assassin thought, anything can happen."

Clint Barton realized he might love Darcy Lewis when she found him the first edition of his favorite comic book Green Arrow, the very first number of the series. No one knew about his little superhero fetish and he swore she was some kind of Sherlock Holmes. She just appeared at his door one night, a big smile on her adorable face and the holy Grail of comic books in her hands. He asked her to marry him on the spot but she declined. "Well, he thought, it's not like I'm not patient or anything."

Steve Rogers realised he might love Darcy Lewis when she taught him how not to fall into traps on the internet. He became almost as versatile as the rest of the team about memes and pop-culture. He watched various tv shows with her and she always had the patience to explain things to him. She also gave him art supplies and posed for him when they had some down time with saving the world from alien invasions. "She is a swell dame this one, he thought, I'll probably need courting advise from the internet."

Tony Stark realised he wanted Darcy Lewis because boobs.And HOLY COW snark!

Bruce Banner realised he might love Darcy Lewis when she randomly made him warm milk to soothe him, just like his mom would do when he was a kid. She even put honey in it. She was also funny and always tried to sheer him up by giving him ideas about cupcake recipes - a new hobby of his she introduced him to. "I could create a Darcy cupcake and seduce her with it, he thought, the way to a woman's heart is her stomach, I'm sure of it."

Thor knew he loved Darcy Lewis like a sister since the very first time she gave him pop-tarts, coffee and threaten to tase his godly balls if he ever thought of hurting dear precious Jane. He promised he never will and she became the sister he never had (he didn't count Loki in female form because it was too traumatizing when Fandral would declaim poems about his/her formidable figure). "Maybe Odin can give her a room in our Asgard home, he thought, and we'll watch Midgardian tiny ministrels on the funny cube and eat ice cream together when my Jane would be brilliant with science."

Darcy Lewis loved the Avengers, but seriously, they were kids and she needed a holiday.

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Darcy/Coulson

"FUCK ME SIDEWAYS." That's the only coherent thing that came out of her mouth when she saw him. He was dead, that's what Thor said to Jane. Her boss tiptoed around her like she was made from porcelain since then and the giant deity that followed the scientist everywhere spent his free time making coffee pots as an attempt to show his support to her grieving.

Phil and her were not your typical couple but they rocked. Even Fury approved (well, he had his hands behind his back, smiled and walked away shaking his head like a freaking pimp when Phil declared them an item).

When the shit with Loki went down, she wanted in. She was freaking scared and she had a feeling in her gut telling her to lock her secret agent man in a closet - he was wonderful when she had nightmares and making her go back to sleep by narrating 52 different ways he could kill a man so he could alleviate her fears of losing him. He loved his job and she always thought it was a turn on (he was like a ninja what's not to like really), so she squashed her fears, kissed him goodbye and told him to be awesome so they could have their private celebrating party when he'll return.

But he never did. Except now he's back?

Phil had the decency to look apologetic.

"Hey Darce. Guess what? I'm alive." His tone was flat but she knew he had suffered from the separation as much as she did.

"You asshole." Great, she was crying and her nose was running.

They were three feet from each other, not moving just looking, but Darcy could see how Phil was dying to take her in his arms by the way his jaw tensed and his fists were shaking a little bit.

"Oh for the love of God Coulson! Just go to her already and take a leave of absence for the next two weeks! Paid holidays, don't come back until you've got a tan. I'll explain to the team." Fury had been silent since he took her to her resuscitated boyfriend and, apparently fed up with the whole 'I don't know what my feeling are doing-you're alive' exchange, he decided to make his presence known and promptly leave the room with a swagger.

They grinned at each other, tension released immediately, and almost run to hug - well cling would be more correct.

"I couldn't tell anyone, Fury needed the Avengers to bond over something." He told her.

"Yeah, the death of his best agent is totally a bonding experience, what a rat."

He smiled at her, he didn't cry like a ninny, no, but she could see he was affected; his breath hitched every few seconds. Her pain was his pain, he told her once when she burned herself with a (long story but she was soooo not going to let Tony Stark win an argument about japanese anime ever). Yeah, she totally got it now.

"I have unlimited funds from S.H.I.E.L.D." He shows her a black credit card.

"Then, what are we waiting for big boy?"

Chapter Text

Darcy/Loki

The dust of the road made everything hazy. He didn't hear any sounds from those Midgardians flying machinery nor their metal horses nearby. His drones were protecting him and ready to start on their mission and Loki felt he could rest for a while. He closed his eyes, heavy with the exertion of the intergalactic trip and let the tension leave his shoulders, his head resting on the van's inner wall.

Then he heard it. A moan and some rustling in front of him. The blanket at his feet was moving, come to think of it, it was bulky and too large.

"Aw common'! Who taught you how to drive Maria?" A female wearing glasses appeared from underneath the woolled cover and Loki couldn't bother hiding his frustration. Couldn't he have just one respite during his domination plan?

He patiently waited for her to acknowledge him and when she did, he feasted on her reaction. Her eyes were a dark blue that reminded him of his own Jotunn skin, she had red luscious lips and a silly hat that looked like an animal.

"You're not Maria Hill." She stated.

"It appears I am not, indeed, mortal."

Her all face flushed and Loki could see the wheels turning in her head; her eyes darted to the exit of the military van and to the mortal servants driving it.

"I wouldn't do anything foolish if I were you." He told her as she eyed his glowing staff with genuine curiosity.

"It's really…pointy." That threw him a bit. Generally, the Midgardians, upon seeing his weapon, tended to recoil in fear, but not that woman.

"Killing and maiming are the main goal, thus the …pointyend, yes." He then told her, his tone reminiscent of the one he used on Thor when the God of Thunder couldn't understand the simplest of things. It was less frustrating though.

"Do you plan on killing me? WAIT! Am I giving you ideas? Because that was SO not what I was aiming for!" She had her hands in front of her, so defensive, so pathetic he thinks but he betrays himself by offering to her a grotesquely vulnerable look of puzzlement.

"I have not reached a decision yet." He goes to point his staff on her heart and she bit her lips, pushing herself to the van's wall as to delay the inevitable. He frowns and stops.

"MynameisDarcyLewis!" He stare at her.

"What?"

"My name is Darcy Lewis, I tased a God once." This got his attention. "His name was Thor, which is sort of poetic because, you know, God of Thunder and all that." She was babbling. "He is a friend, maybe you know him? I'm sure this is sort of a cultural misunderstanding; maybe destroying government facilities are a way of greeting people where you're from?" She asked, an absurd and naive hope he could see positively vibrating on all of her being.

"Oh, I know him. I know him well, and I think you and I are going to be friends too." His smile turned ominous of things to come and poor, mortal Darcy Lewis knew it just as surely as she felt her eyes grow heavy with supernatural sleep and felt icy cold fingers travelling through her hair.

Chapter Text

Darcy/Loki

To say that this situation was downright bizarre was an understatement.

Darcy Lewis was opinionated, strong willed, cultured to some extend, learned how to kung-fu with a Russian female assassin (well okay, she wasn't the most skilled student but she was getting there), knew enough about politics to snark Nick Fury into a coma and had a great rack (among other things). She was confident on some things, but all in all, she was still the little girl who was once left in the mall when she was seven by her drunk of a mom and was taken by the child protective services and bounced from foster families to another. So yeah, you could say she became a rude bitch because of too much childhood trauma and you would be right.

But damn, being face to face with an alien overlord, as sexy he was behind that freaking Hulk-proof plexiglass, was intimidating and scary.

He had the smile of a shark, too much teeth and a grotesque rictus that would chilled you to the bone. Or maybe it was just colder in that room.

"I brought you magazines." She had looked at her boss like he was high when he had asked her to bring reading material to their 'guest' (she asked him so and he just pinched his nose for the billionth time since he met her).

She put her glossy cargo into a high tech mini-closet thingy (well, she didn't know how it was called) and watched him take it with disdain.

"Glamour? GeekMag? IndieComics Magazine? MAD? RollerDerby Weekly?" The greasy fucker just let them fall on the ground one by one and sneered at her like she was a leech under his boot. Nice.

"I know, I got taste. Bet they don't have those kind of kick-ass literature on Asshole Island huh?" Well, take that, intergalactic bully.

He focused his fiery green eyes on her instantly, a little bit shocked of her audacity and downright foolish behaviour.

"Are you daft, Midgardian?" He seemed amused - well to be fair, the guy was probably bored out of his cray cray mind being stuck here and all.

"You sound funny when you use British words, and stuffy too. Do you guys have cable in Asgard? Bet you were a classic Dr Who fan."

The reference seemed to go right over his head and he blinked at her in disbelief.

"Save you pathetic attempt at mystification, maiden. Do you know who I am? I am -" She eye-rolled so hard, she thought she would get stuck that way, he saw that and got even madder. "YOU USELESS CREATURE I WILL-" Darcy turned her back on him.

"Whatever. See ya, baby bro, call me when you'll resolve those daddy issues, I'd rock your world. Bye! Good luck with the ass beating!"

Loki was gobsmacked and strangely aroused.

"Did she just…really?" He asked the empty room. Then the Black Widow entered and he had to get a hold of himself. He had a world invasion to plan and superheroes to destroy. He'd get back to that busty female at the start of his ruling. She would be fetching in a green dress.

Chapter Text

Darcy/Loki

"What is that?" Asked Loki to his young wife.

"It's your birthday gift, duh!" He insisted on looking at her like she'd grown another head. "Well, open it!"

"You are far too giddy about the idea of a birthday, dear girl." She was his accomplice in mischief nowadays and he was a little dubious at any attempt of hers to give him a gift. The last time she did, he had to impersonate Natasha Romanoff to persuade Steve Rogers to play Just Dance 3 with the rest of the team.

"Not any birthday, yours." He touched with the package like it was a bomb.

"I don't celebrate this day, I'm immortal. After a few hundred years, it's hard to keep track of your age."

"It's depressing, you missed a ton of parties." The glint in her eyes told him that she would change that fact and a warm feeling of contentment spread in his chest. Darcy Lewis-Odinson was his favorite person - she loved him and cared for him in a way that no one else did.

He liked to antagonize her just for the sake of having frustrated and to see her lovely skin flushed all over, though.

"All right." He openly put on a little show while opening his gift, he knew of her strange fixation on his hands.

Yes, she was quite transfixed.

"Will you please do it already! You're too slow!" He silently laughed, sometimes it was too easy.

Oh.

"Is it…" It was glittering and colored in a strange prismatic shade of blue. How did she know this? He always wanted one but Odin always forbid him.

"Yes, dragon's egg. I found a spell book about them and I remember how you reacted after you read Eragon, so…" She seemed unsure of her gift. Silly girl.

"It's the most wonderful gift I ever received, thank you my love." He felt her sighing in the kiss he gave her. They smiled goofily at each other once they separated.

"There's another surprise." She told him when he felt the egg moving.

"It's hatching!" Loki said in awe.

They felt like proud parents when the little dragon came out with a little cry.

"How are you going to name it?" She asked, her head on his shoulder, her sweet scent clinging to his very skin.

"Sigyn." He declared, his thumb caressing the little creature.

God, he loved that woman. She got him a dragon.

He couldn't wait to take it to the next Avengers reunion just to annoy everyone. He will also celebrate his birthdays from now on. That was decided.

"You are so going to teach that dragon to fetch." Whispered Darcy. He kissed her on the forehead and chuckled.

Chapter Text

"So?" She dared ask me.

"Baby, sugar plum, apple of my eye - JUST NO."

"I look dapper, Nick, tell him I look dapper as fuck."

Fury snickered and raided my whisky with a smirk.

"I am not entering a family feud, just no way. You Starks are whacked in the head."

"Well, that answer your question, Darcy; you won't enter the Avengers. Case closed. Now, be a darling and tell Pepper I need her to buy me a new jet."

"I am going to ask Natasha to train me and you'll be sorry; you will remember this day as the biggest mistake of your life, dad."

She stormed out of our apartment and I let out a frustrated scream. Fury just looked at me with his one good eye, which was the perfect subtext for 'Are you for real, mutherfucker?'.

"She's SO going to train with Tasha now, right?" I asked him, slightly whining.

"I wouldn't be worried about Widow training Darcy, I would be worried about Hawkeye watching them while they are doing it. That goddamn birdy and his nest."

"I will find ways to castrate him; creatively and slowly if he even think about perving on my only child."

"Gotta say though, her costume was…original." The head of SHIELD just turned away from me, hiding his laugh and strutting with so much swag, I might have demanded for a master class of swagology.

I wasn't naïve, there was no way she was a superhero. But she did wear her knickers on top of her tights. And I like that in a person.

Especially in a Stark.

Chapter Text

Darcy/Loki

"We're lost, Oh Grand Horny One."

"No, we are not, stupid mortal!"

To say that Darcy was getting frustrated by Loki and his obsession of always being right, would be like saying the sky is blue…well purple. A big understatement. They were on a forced hiking trip through the nine realms and she was the hostage.

"What am I looking at, anyway?"

The map she had in her hands was written in some kind of 'all-speak' (that's what Monsieur-I-Have-A-Bigger-Helmet-Than-Yours told her) and she only had it in her hands because she forced herself on Loki.

She totally pushed him and stole the map ( "Ah! I'm freaking Nicolas Cage, bitch!" she said to a baffled Loki).

"We are in Alfheimr , the land of the dark Elves and we are near…" Loki looked at the map, mustering some sort of manly arrogance that should have reassured her but she knew that face; that's how one of her ex-boyfriend Nick looked like when he stranded them in the middle of the Yukon;she almost got eaten by a bear and came home only in her underwear and without her glasses.

"You are the worst kidnapper, ever. Don't you Gods have a magical GPS near your second anus or something? URGH!"

THAT got his attention.

"I don't have a second anus!" He sputtered, indignant on such anatomical supposition. "And you are the most infuriating woman I've ever kidnapped!"

"Yeah, that 's the only way you probably can have women, right?" She was standing before him, arms crossed and a taunting smirk in place.

"Oh you little…"He wanted to strangle her with his bare hands.

"You want to strangle me, right now, right? Are you going to use the Force in a 'I've got so much swagger I don't even need to touch you' Vador kinda style?"

He was utterly lost, her incessant midgardian pop-culture babbling was such a permanent puzzle for Loki.

He sighed and rubbed his temples.

"You blasted Avengers! ALRIGHT YOU WON!" The God of Mischief screamed, took her by the arm and teleported them directly in the Stark Tower, in the middle of an Avengers meeting (in all likelihood, talking about Darcy's kidnapping).

Tony Stark was in full Iron Man armor but the glass of Whiskey in his hand sort of lessened the superhero vibe.

"I believe this is yours?" Loki told them and pushed Darcy towards Captain America.

"Ok, did you just kidnapped her and proceed to gave her back without any epic fight?" asked Tony, speaking for the team.

Loki looked bored and annoyed. "It keeps you lot on your toes. I am just doing you a favor, keeping you sharp." Obvious lie.

Darcy snorted at that "Yeah, sure! That bozo got us lost on Middle Earth."

Loki was enraged. "You-You ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Wow, he's really Thor's brother!" Whispered Clint, eyes wide.

"Fascinating! He's blue!" Observed Bruce, always the scientific.

"Steve! Look! Another Popsicle! You should totally be friends with that guy!" Added Tony while he wriggled his eyebrows.

"ENOUGH!" This time, a heavy silence fell on the room when Nick Fury decided to intervene. " You better stop this bullshit before I ask Black Widow to wipe the floor with your testicles!"

"And you!" This time he pointed a finger towards a still blue Loki. "This is the sixth time you kidnap the babysitter so either you ask her on a date or YOU STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THIS BUILDING! YOU GET ME?"

Loki reverted to his Aesir appearance and looked sheepish. Thor just laughed silently behind him.

"Yes." He mumbled.

Natasha send him a look that said 'Guuurl'.

"YES WHAT?" Shouted Fury.

"Yes, sir."

"Now you all get out of my sight!"

When everyone cleared the meeting room, Fury let out a relieved "Mutherfuckers."

Once Darcy was escorted not too gently into Tony's living room with Loki in tow (well, pushed and then the double doors closed on them like a doomed cave and Thor shouted 'MEND YOUR CARNAL DESIRES IN PRIVATE AND ONLY THEN WE WILL GET YOU OUT') she let out a "Well?"

Loki looked a little smug and impatient.

"Do you want to take a walk with me to Alfheimr?"

Darcy just smiled and took his hands in hers.

"Only if you promise we won't get lost …oh! And pack food. If we get lost, I totally call dibs to eat your corpse."

That got her a genuine pleased smile.

"Granted."

Chapter Text

Darcy Lewis/Molly Hooper (Sherlock BBC)

1. Pancakes Molly Hooper thought life was grand, especially when her (very) new relationship was making her heart jump in her chest like a twelve year old. Her American girlfriend, the verbal Darcy Lewis was making her pancakes - well trying.

"Guess what it is?" Asked Darcy with a bounce.

"Erm…a hippo?" Guessed Molly after she inspected the culinary creation like it could bite her.

Darcy frowned, apparently it was a bad answer.

"That's supposed to be a giraffe, babe." The brunette growled and just plopped on Molly's thighs, looked rather dejectedly at the pan.

"I think it's fantastic the way you create new species like that!" Tried to joke the pathologist, her hands massaging Darcy's shoulders.

"Yeah…now that I look at them, I gotta say, they're pretty badass."

"That's the spirit, love!"

2. Laughter 
Sherlock Holmes have not seen his mousy pathologist for a whole year and if he were an ordinary man, he would have said that he missed her. He wasn't ordinary. Thank God. Anyway, Molly Hooper was supposed to be back from her little 'experience' this very day (some would say life changing experience or job overseas but really, being around his presence was so thrilling, he knew she would be back). He entered St Bart's, John in tow and readied himself to open the door's of the laboratory when he heard it.

"Laughter?" He asked, more to himself than his companion, mind you.

"Wow, Sherlock! Your capacity at decoding the human mystery is astounding."

"Sarcasm, John? Really?" Two females, laughing, in the laboratory.

One was Molly, that he knew, but the other one? he opened the doors with a loud bang and the two women found themselves startled.

"Jesus on a cracker! What did the wall do to you, dude?" His attention zeroed on the girl, a brunette wearing glasses and hiding her generous chest area 'Why hiding your body?' he thought, realising that women will always be ridiculous to him.

"American." Said John, "Obviously!" Sneered Sherlock.

"Still in the room." Interjected the mysterious woman. Sherlock looked at her, then Molly.

"Congratulations Molly! You finally chose a good sexual partner!"

John sputtered behind him, the thought of two women together clearly impairing his mind but Molly just smiled coyly.

"Yes, thank you, Sherlock! Good to see you too!"

"Babe! That was sort of awesome, you were right; genius asshole!" Sherlock was momentary shocked at the insult but when the girl shoke his hand he blinked rapidly his eyes.

"I'm Darcy by the way! Try not to be mean to my girlfriend or I'll be sure to tase you into submission, 'k?" He was speechless and he felt John patting his shoulder while laughing.

"I already love her!" Said John.

3. Cuddling 
There was one thing Molly was really perfect at and none ever said the contrary about her : she was the queen of cuddling. She was proud of that fact, of course some of her ex-boyfriends were against cuddling (that's how she knew the relationship was doomed, one night was enough to know). She always dreamed of finding that perfect man who would as much as a cuddler as she was. She never found that man but she found a woman (well her woman, she often thought with giddiness). Darcy Lewis was a cuddler and when they spent their first night together, they discovered they just created a powerful monster, because the ever punctual pathologist was, since then, the always late pathologist.

There was no way she could escape the toasty, comfy embrace the both of them created in bed. Or on the sofa. Or even on the floor.

"Love?"

"Mmhharf!"

"I have to go to work."

"Mkay." Darcy was drifting into sleep again and Molly didn't want to leave.

"The power of the cuddling is strong in that one." "Shut up Yoda." That earned a slap on the bottom for Darcy and an even more powerful cuddle for Molly.

Chapter Text

Darcy/Bruce Banner

Rain

She was letting the rain fall on her skin like some sort of hippie, he thought grinning. She was calling him over the sound of the sudden thunderstorm and he knew it was dangerous to be outside but it wasn't like he couldn't protect her.

The roof of the Star tower was made for those types of activities; letting yourself go and just enjoying the moment for once. So they swayed to their own melody, his hands encircling her waist and imagining her baring his children and maybe running on a beach when impromptu rain will fall on their sand castles.

He chuckled in her hair then kissed her lips. Yes, that's an interesting thought.

Music

Bruce is secretive about EVERYTHING. That's sometimes nerve-grating but Darcy found out pretty early that it was for a good reason (hello green giant), so it was logical that his musical taste would be somewhat a secret. She put music in the lab, every kind she could have thought of and was always met with a unenthusiastic 'Mmh' when she asked him if he liked it. She tried asking Tony, the other half of the science bros duo, but even the billionaire told her Bruce was a tough cookie to crack because, him too, had no idea of what he liked. It became her Banner Code.

But fate smiled at her when she decided to snoop in his apartment (Jarvis loved her okay?) and discovered a very well hidden stash of Beatles paraphernalia. He had everything, from albums in limited editions to mugs and autographs.

She smugly put the White album on repeat in the lab the next day and was rewarded by Bruce smiling and looking at her like she was princess Leia in her gold bikini and he was a Han Solo cosplayer at Comic Con.

It was love.

Garden

Darcy wasn't a fan of nature, no really. Being an intern in New Mexico with sands everywhere was easy, then being a glorified nanny/gopher in New York even more (even though, there was a huge amount of parks in this town, she almost broke out in hives once). So she thought she could be away from any kind of green pretty easily, especially in a gigantic monstrosity of progress like the Stark tower.

Ok, so her boyfriend could literally be green, but that's the only green she wanted in her (that's the joke she loved saying so Bruce could get redder than Tasha's hair).

But one day, she screamed her head's off upon discovering an horrible sight. Like, really horrible.

"IT'S A FREAKING GARDEN! IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR APPARTMENT BRUCE!"

Bruce liked his zen, alright but she never thought he'd go to that extreme.

"Is that a ladybug? IS IT TOUCHING ME! OH MY GOD BRUCE GET IT OFF ME!"

Bruce was so bemused at her reaction he just stood there, in front of her and didn't move for a whole minute while she started running around, screaming.

"Jarvis?"

"Yes doctor Banner?" answered the A.I.

"Tell Tony he won the bet. She's not being 'cute'."

"I take the experiment was conclusive, sir."

"Let's keep this between the three us, okay? I don't want to face her wrath."

"Very well, sir. May I suggest sexual intercourse to soften her reaction to the truth?"

Bruce sighed.

"I will also need pop tarts, ice cream and the Walking Dead DVD's."

"Coming right up, sir."

Chapter Text

Darcy/Thor

iPod

Thor was a lot of things but delicate wasn't one of them. When he broke by mistake Darcy iPod and witnessed her eyes being clouded by tears and heard her moan of despair, he vowed to make it up to her, by any means necessary.

"BEHOLD LADY DARCY!" He declared one afternoon. "OUR FRIEND OF THE HOUSE OF STARK HELPED ME IN MY QUEST OF THE ULTIMATE PLAYING MINISTRELS DEVICE!"

He was met with the bewildered stare of Darcy.

"Is that the latest iPod Touch, fourth generation with 64GB?" She talked so fast and such gibberish (for Thor) that his face betrayed his utter lack of knowledge on the matter.

"I ASKED FOR THE BEST EARSWARE FOR MY LADY'S HEART!"

Darcy grabbed her own personal holy Grail and hugged Thor fiercely. They almost tumbled on the couch behind them.

"Oooh! You are SO going to get laid tonight!"

Cellphone

"….so I said to Bruce 'Dude! You don't want to mess with Dummy!' and then…Thor? Buddy? You in there or are you lost in pop tarts fantasyland again?"

Tony looked at his team mate and watched him become as red as his iron suit.

"What are you looking at? Did you find gay porn again? I can totally prank Clint for that you know, I've got tons of ideas, TONS!"

Thor was transfixed by the top notch cellphone the exuberant genius offered him (well, the fifth one, the God of Thunder had a tendency to break small Midgardian items like it was made of butter).

"Ah erm…do not fret iron friend, it is just…"

"Can I look? Let me look at that."

"NO!" Thor was putting the cellphone screen against his chest, protectively. That got Tony to raise his eyebrows in delight.

"Oooohhh! You know you just made me even more curious now pointbreak, right?"

Thor was showing signs of embarrassment and he tried getting away from Tony, making his chair fall in his haste to leave the room.

"JARVIS! Download for me the content of Thor's phone, please!"

"Right away, sir!"

"RRRRAAAAWWWWRRRRRR!" Screamed the Norse God and Tony had to run and hide in his panic room. Slightly winded and while Thor was pounding on the door with Mjolnir, Tony got to finally see what made such an impact on his fellow Avenger.

"Mother and saints of all that his holy shit fuck balls!"

When Thor finally got to tear the panic room's door, he found Stark being utterly chocked and paralysed in front of the dirty pictures his girlfriend sent him. He immediately hide them by blocking the view with his massive body.

"You lucky son of a bitch, that body is glorious, I think I heard Angels singing about her boobs!" Stated Tony in awe.

Thor punched him in rage and when he woke up on the floor five minutes later, he couldn't get the huge grin off his face.

"Jarvis? Please send to miss Lewis a thousand dollars Agent Provocateur gift card and a congratulation note to Thor."

"Right away, sir. Should I reinforce the panic room's door?"

"Yeah, make it Mjolnir resistant too."

Vampires

"There's a universe full of vampires? NO. WAY!"

There was one thing that always could get Darcy excited and it was vampires. Not the lame Twatlight vampires with glitter, crazy mormon lady brainwashing and shit; no the real ones with grit and blood and less feelings (or too much, depending, and more shmex). She liked her Lestat, Spike and Dracula on the rough side.

"They are a nuisance!" Said Thor, ready to battle in his cute flannel pajamas.

"I sense history, spill!" She was eager for an adventure!time Thor, the one that liked to relive the tales of space hiking with his bros and hos. She jumped on their bed, went under the covers and readied herself like a kid asking for bed time stories.

She pouted and Thor groaned, he had lost and he knew it.

"In this world me and my loyal friends found, vampires did not hunt for blood."

"Wait, you're all flustered; why are you flustered?"

"Well, you see my little blueberry poptart…they hunted for sex. They were Incubus and Succubus . Feeding off sexual gratifications."

"THAT. IS. AWESOME!"

"I often wondered if you had any succubu's blood in you, for you are a little demon under the sheets." He smiled and slowly climbed onto the bed, his solid body covering hers.

"Someone is being playful tonight." She said while Thor rained little nips and kisses on her neck.

"Must be from my prolonged exposure to the vampires." He quipped.

She agreed with a moan.

Chapter Text

"I'll give you my first born for a piece of your muffin."

That got Steve attention. He looked up and saw no one that Jane Foster's assistant, the always formidable Darcy Lewis…and his secret crush since they bumped into each other and he babbled like an idiot about cats (well she was wearing a ridiculous yet endearing sweater with a kitten on it).

"My-my 'muffin'?" He stuttered, was she…

"Oh god no! Sorry! That sounded sexual right? That TOTALLY sounded sexual!" He watched her becoming scarlet and taking the chair right beside him in the deserted library.

She had her head in her hands in despair but looked at him behind her fingers, like a little girl afraid of monsters, or you know, mentally scarring Captain America.

"I'm sorry! I know you don't really like it."

"What? Sexual innuendos? No, it's okay, well…I sort of got immunity being exposed so much to Tony." He smiled at her and he could see Darcy relaxing.

"So…muffin?"

"Oh yeah! Of course, here!" He gave her the untouched muffin and she bite into it with gusto. He liked that in her.

"Soooooo…whatcha reading?" She asked, her hands already grabbing the books laid in front of him.

"Art History, I got my finals next week." That made her eyes go round and her mouth to forget to chew.

"No way! You take classes in NYU? I do too! I'm a poli-ci major. Got my finals next week too. Wanna be study buddies?"

So Steve agreed and they met outside SHIELD and studied together. Oh, it was hard for Steve. By spending more time with her, he discovered her love for British television shows, Jane Austen, sci-fi (though she told him since living in the Stark Tower and being in the Avengers 'entourage', her love has waned a little bit) and anything with chocolate. She was also well versed in politics and human rights and he enjoyed their passionate debates over, well, everything.

Talking with her was exhilarating, like being in a roller coaster and eating you're favorite pie at the same time; some people might hurl from the combination but Steve always loved great heights and sweet things.

Sometimes she was talking animetadly and he would get lost in her eyes or the way her lips quirked or how soft her hair looked (he later touched them and yes, they were.)

Tony asked him once if 'he got it bad' for Darcy and didn't answer (it was Tony) and Thor stopped him another time to warn him to 'not hurt sweet Darcy or he would ate his spine for breakfast.'

It seemed everyone at SHIELD knew of his crush except for the person concerned.

They were seated on the floor, books spilled on Steve's coffee table one late afternoon when he realised Darcy found his sketchbook.

"Why did you never tell me that you have a crush on me, Steve?" She asked him calmly while turning the pages, her face heavily featuring inside.

His heart was beating so hard in his chest he almost thought the Chitauri were invading earth again.

"Were you ever going to make a move? I've been waiting for ages, you know." She told him with ease; he forgot to breathe.

"I thought - I mean I didn't know- how?" Steve Rogers could deal with aliens but not with this.

Darcy just closed the sketchbook and moved on her hands and knees towards him, then proceed to climb on his lap. She started to massage is neck, kneading his taunt flesh with slow movements until she reached his perfect combed hair and decided that her fingers should stay there. He closed his eyes for a minute, her sweet womanly perfume permeating the air and clouding his senses.

Let's just say that little Cap was happy of the situation but big Cap was mortified. He tried to flee but she stopped him short by kissing him.

"Jeez, I even have to kiss first!" She told him with a knowing smirk when they separated.

Something snapped in him, well, he was still red in the face but that's not something he will get rid of so easily. He lifted her up in his arms, making her squeal in delight and brought her to his couch. He encircled her with his arms and she opened her legs to welcome him.

"I promise you'll be the first to come. How about that?"

That got Darcy to gape at him in wonder.

"I say you better fulfill that promise now."

They both thought it was the most rewarding study group to ever exist.

They passed their finals with flying colors too.

Tony never stopped making leers at them and Thor approved of him after he hugged the life out of him. Life was good.

Chapter Text

Darcy/Natasha/Pepper

Order

"Darcy! Why is there crumbs on the bed?" asked a very irritated Pepper Potts.

"Erm, because I left them there?" Answered Darcy Lewis, suddenly slapped across the head by another redhead, this one Russian.

"We told you not to eat in bed." Declared Natasha with finality. Darcy gulped, she didn't like the the underlying threat her voice conveyed.

"I think she needs to understand that there's an order in all things, thou shall not eat in thee bed!" stated with a smile, Natasha, turning another page of her fire weapons magazine.

"Guys! So not my fault Pepper brings the super cookies brand and expect me NOT to eat them in the most comfiest place of the apartment!"

Darcy was cooking a batch of blueberry muffins and Pepper eyed her with an expression that was saying 'I know you are trying to buy me with this'.

"Muffin?" She offered one to Pepper and the woman groaned. Darcy knew of her weakness.

"THAT doesn't mean anything, got it?"

But Tony Stark's CEO was already munching on the treat and going over an email on her phone. Darcy gloated in triumph.

Move

"Tony, you're catching flies."

"Are you seeing this? It's the stuff of dreams!"

"If you mean, your depraved, perverted dreams, then yeah."

Tony was longing on the bar pretty heavily, a glass of scotch in one hand, the other hand clutching said bar, his friend Bruce slowly sipping on a club soda near him, both watching Darcy dancing with Natasha and Pepper.

"I have to say, this is pretty…hot." Admitted Bruce, forcing his eyes on his glass.

Darcy was moving between the two redheads sensually and the males gazes and some women's were avidly watching them.

"I can't believe this is my Pepper up there dancing like that! I need a drink!" Declared Tony, only to have Bruce levelling his scotch to his eyes.

"You already got one, buddy."

"I meant a bigger one. Much, much bigger."

Meanwhile, the girls were trying to hide their laughs as much as they could.

"Tony is SO easy!" Darcy was having fun, manipulating a poor clueless male like Tony Stark.

"I'm having the time of my life, ladies! Thank you for doing this!" Said Pepper, positively gleeful that her little plan to make Tony's brain melt worked out so well.

"Think of this like our wedding gift." said Natasha before she swooped Darcy for a very wet kiss that got Pepper to hear Tony groan in despair before falling on the floor, Bruce desperately trying to put him back on his feet.

"Yep, he's broken!" Pepper sighed and decided she needed to see if her fiancé was going to survive the party. She glanced at her friends and saw that the two women were definitely done with the engagement party.

Companion

"So, ah, erm…Tasha is like…your…companion?"

Darcy just looked at Jane with wide eyes.

"Are you from the past? Is Thor finally rubbing off on you? It's called a girlfriend, Jane. "

Jane was blushing like an innocent virgin in a strip club.

"Plus, Tasha is not my only girlfriend, I got Pepper too."

This time Jane forgot to breathe.

"WHAT? But what about Tony?"

"Oh that? Tony is super cool with it, they are such cutie pies!" Answered Darcy with a smile.

"Is everyone sleeping with everyone in this tower?" Darcy laughed at Jane's apparent bewilderment.

"Not everyone, no, we are just open-minded, healthy people who likes to find love when it's offered freely, hence me having two girlfriends. What about you, Jane? Is Thor loving enough for ya?" She was clearly baiting her boss, tongue stuck firmly between her teeth and a wanton smile full of mirth gracing her features.

"God, you are annoying! Thor's loving is enough for me, thank you."

"I was totally proposing you, by the way. Just clearing that up."

"I promise, if I ever want to know what it's like with another woman, your my first top choice, Darcy."

"You betcha I'm the top choice!"

When later, Jane was in bed with Thor and his head firmly between her thighs, she couldn't help but think of Darcy's love life. The images were really arousing and when she came, shaking like a leaf, Thor asked her if she was alright.

"Yeah…yeah! Just, you know…thinking about…you."

Thor smiled and she definitely thought of asking him about a threesome. She really did miss out in college.

Chapter Text

"You smell…flammable."

Darcy has a rictus of disgust on her face and Bruce sighed.

"That would happen to you too if you'd spend too much time with Tony in his workshop doing science."

He was tired, she could see it from her comfy spot on their couch. No way she was going to hug him now.

"You should take a shower before thinking of boiling water on the stove for your tea, honey. I don't really want to get up and extinguish the fire. Plus, I just lost my Sims family to a domestic fire earlier, I'm still in mourning."

Bruce groaned at that and couldn't help but ask; "Even Bruce Junior? Did he…"

"Yeah, sorry boo." She answered him while picking up a magazine, "But don't worry, in about nine months, you'll have your own real Bruce junior."

She heard a big crash and when she looked over, she saw her boyfriend on the floor, shirt opened at mid chest.

She sighed before going over him. "I hate it when Jane is right 'It's serious Darcy, don't kill him Darcy, don't touch that lever Darcy, it's going to explode Darcy Nyahnyahnyah!'".

Bruce opened his eyes and Darcy noted that he looked like an adorable kicked puppy. He sat and stared at her with an open mouth.

"Did you just…are you really expecting?"

"Yep, we are having a baby." He was still in shock. "TA-DA!" She added and this time he smiled.

"Bruce are you…are you going to cry?"

"Don't be ridiculous, why would I be crying?" But he was, he TOTALLY was.

"Oh God! Stop it you idiot!" And then she was crying too and he just made her sit on his lap, the two of them embracing, laughing and crying at the same time.

"We're such dorks." She mumbled against his mouth.

"We are not naming our hypothetical son 'Bruce junior'." Told her Bruce with finality.

"We'll name him Darcy, then."

Chapter Text

"What is life, you know?"

"Yeah."

"No, I mean, people used to eat good old yellow canned cheese and now it's all about organic and water being good for your tablet PFFF!"

Tony was lounging in his monstrous sofa, drinking bourbon while an overweight older man was drinking the rest of the alcohol from the bottle and gesticulating wildly, liquid sloshing everywhere.

"We should make a hungry game!"

"You mean Hunger Games?"

"That's what I said!"

"What for?" asked Tony, interested.

"For my niece! DARCY! All those guys wants her to be their dame, bunch of democrats!"

"I don't think reindeer is a democrat."

"Mitt was for subj-subi-bedazzling the crowd, s'totaly the same!"

"You are drunk, drunk uncle!" Tony promptly started to giggle and after two seconds, sat up and shouted, "YOU ARE BILLIANT!"

"Yeah well, s'not like I didn't know that…pompous liberal freak."

"JARVIS! Find me a place I can buy to make a death arena; we'll need a forest and a weird cornucopia in metal!"

"Sir, are you sure…"

"SHUT UP WIFI DEMON!" Drunk Uncle got a glare from Tony. "So, who's going to be in your Darcy's games?"

"Well…all the Avengers, obviously and the whiny alien boy because he never stops creeping on her like the creepy fuck he is."

"Guess who I am : 'You know what state I'm in? DENIAL!'"

"Urgh that's tough, the green giant? Popsicle? Agent Coulson?"

Drunk Uncle tried to point his nose with one finger but had to use both of his hands.

"AH AH!"

Silence.

"'AH AH' what? Who is it?"

"Don't 'member."

"Gimme back my booze."

Chapter Text

"So…You dangle from rooftops a lot or are you against gym subscriptions and you like making your own fun?"

Being the new Batman can bring a lot of surprises in your life, but after meeting the one and only Avengers handler, Darcy Lewis, is definitely the biggest of them.

"What are you doing here, Darcy?"

She eyed him and let her hands caress slowly his pectoral muscles hidden under his bat-costume.

"Well, I'm in Gotham for a few days with Pepper Potts and the delicate task of cry-babies coordination falls, once again, on me. Also, you might want to upgrade your firewall."

Robin sighed and the sound echoed in the cave.

"Why would you do that? I thought we were friends?" He totally didn't whined.

"It is because we are friends I keep doing that; learn you have to, little Padawan!" Darcy patted his cheek and then promptly took his lips between her fingers like he was a four years old.

"Ich-ell-Uce!"

"Oh no you won't tell Bruce, he's away in Venice with Selina, stealing shit from the rich and the corrupt; Black Widow is shadowing them. Don't be a wet blancket."

"Fine, I won't. When is starting the video conference with your merry band of spandex cosplayers?"

"On the account of the mighty Avengers, I'm appalled at such blatant inconsiderate treatment. Especially coming from someone who wears what's used for prophylactics. Anyway, it starts in two minutes."

"That's why I smell pizza?"

"Hello? Have we met? I ALWAYS bribe with food, always!"

"It's going to be a long night"

"Stark will be a part of this." She added while eating a slice of pizza.

"So very long."

Chapter Text

13 Tea

"What is this?"

The tall dark-haired man known as Sherlock Holmes to the world spitted out the drink the American girl handed him earlier.

"Well, the box said 'tea' or maybe 'rat poison', I don't know; why?"

Sherlock just huffed his indignation but still had the saucer in his hands.

"It's foul and six other synonyms of the word to describe this abomination, Darcy!"

"Then do your own goddamn tea, princess!" She returned her attention to the John Green book she was reading before the detective's hissy fit.

"You did it intentionally, didn't you?" he asked, facing the window and hiding a grin.

"Well…I did ask you for a classy dinner last night and you brought me Chinese takeout when I was all dolled up and even shaved my legs, sooooooo…this may be the beginning of my revenge."

"Will this revenge includes not petting my hair for retribution of my ill conduct?"

She could almost hear the whiny desperation in his voice, how the mighty have fallen, she thought.

"Absolutely, yes. Guess you really are a good detective."

14 Sleep

"Unf!"

"DUDE! I felt your elbow on my poor stomach! Why is your everything so pointy?"

"Please, don't 'dude' me ever again, you know I hate it. Also, nothing about my person is 'pointy'."

"I can't sleep with you rolling around like a seal. I'm not impressed, I'm no zoologist, so you can stop."

Sherlock stopped moving on the bed, let his body be very still and waited a minute before sighing loudly.

"What!" exclaimed Darcy, her patience being tested by her British fiancé.

"I can't sleep." Voiced the moody man next to Darcy.

"Yeah, no, really?" Her sarcastic reply was met with a huff.

"I need my pillows." He petuly answered. So it was her turn to sigh and she lay on her back, opened her arms and welcomed his long body over hers.

"Thank you." He rubbed his face like a cat on her generous bosom and Darcy was almost certain she could hear him purr.

"Can I sleep now?" she asked, "Yes." he immediately answered.

15 Sexy

One thing was sure in her life, that, when she was feeling insecure about her looks, she would do one simple thing. She would Clark Kent-ify herself with her pair of glasses, say adios to contacts, ditch her jeans to trade them with a pencil skirt and give her british fuckmate his all time favorite fantasy.

It was so simple it was laughable but she liked that one too, so it wasn't a hassle. It was empowering to see this intelligent man (he was but his ego was bigger than the Queen's bank account so she didn't tell him much) transform into a puppy. One that usually went with 'yes, more.'

"So, how was your case?"

"Boring, Gavin thought it was a 7, but really, was just a 3….err" he paused in his speech when he saw her, posing calmy, legs crossed, a book opened in front of her. She didn't look up to him, her thick framed glasses were almost perched on the end of her nose.

"You…you…" At his reaction, Darcy almost thought he was reinitializing his data.

"You what?"

"Err, nothing, you just look…lovely, that's all."

"I need coffee." It's a test, one she usually wins in this particular outfit.

"Two sugars, right? With soy milk!" He looks so proud of himself, she has to smirk.

"Yes, really good."

And that's how Darcy Lewis knows sexy can be powerful.

Chapter Text

Feeling his beard along the skin of her stomach made her believe that wizards existed because, that's what he was, a wizard. Whispering questions of comfort, of love, of bravery, tattooing them on her skin in the dark. A stone built future for the both of them as sure as the 24 hours of each day.

"Steve" she would moan but it didn't bring her any respite from the onslaught of her soldier treading on his private battleground, the caresses arming his fingers.

"Shhh, baby, I know."

They won't stop until the first sun's rays will touch their spent bodies and she will accept his body as her own sheet, wrapped around her like a musky scented cocoon.

Chapter Text

16 - 2 am

She wakes up and doesn't find him near her in their bed. This is not new, it happens, especially after a whole day of babysitting little Howie for Tony and Pepper.

She finds him sitting in his favorite armchair, deep dark leather brown monstrosity Tony insisted Bruce needed to be 'his dude fort in times of need', 'whatever', she thought, 'that goofball gave me my walkin closet, can't hate him'.

"Hey you." She whispers sleepily and sits down on his knees, his right arm automatically takes her in.

Darcy let her forehead meet his chin and he kisses the crown of her hair absently. When he starts rubbing her back, she exhales slowly and dares speak.

"So, I think we should talk about your fatherly instincts and how wonderful you were with Howie today."

He tensed for a second, like the word 'fatherly' is incompatible with anything he represents.

"Or about what a great team we make with miniatures humans. For science." She finishes, trying to alleviate his reflective mood at 2 a.m.

"I know you want children, someday and you know it would be a mistake for me to have them." She listens, then waits a little before leaving his warm side; She puts both of her hands on each side of his face, makes eye contact, not leaving him a chance to flee.

"You are a scientist, you'll find a way and if you don't, there's donors or even adoption. I can't let a child not having you for a father, that would be criminal."

She felt wetness on her palms, his smile gets wobbly and it's hard for her not to crack, all she feels is his heartbeat and him turning kissing her left hand, then the right.

"You - you understand, you understand…" and he can't go on, nor can she, so they kiss, in the dark, New York lights as witnesses.

17 - Lavender

"You are a lovely bridesmaid, Darcy." He knows he's blushing, he feels like a schoolboy. But he takes a little comfort to see she's blushing too at the compliment.

"Thanks, Bruce. You look quite dapper yourself!" And she awkwardly slap his arm with a bouquet, flowers leaving the arrangement in its wake.

"Oh shoot! Wasn't aiming for that to happen!" She looks like she's panicking and she kneels in front of him, trying to salvage some petals. He kneels too, trying to help somehow but all they succeed to do is taking fallen petals and cramming them in the bouquet like children with broken platters. The absurdity of the situation hits them both and they start to laugh as soon as they eyes meet.

"Oh gawd, we're ridiculous!" She snickers joyously, so, taken by the moment he reaches for her hand. She stops breathing and he takes his chance "Is your dance card full after the ceremony?"

He feels her exhaling against his skin and he shivers, a tingle running from the back of his neck to the top of his skull, leaving him pleasantly relaxed.

"Wide open." He could get lost in those blue eyes. "Good, I'd like to be your partner then."

18 - Soft

"Not soft, soft is what you call the stomach of a man with a complex over his younger years fading away." Stated Darcy.

"Spongy?" Proposed Bruce, half of his face pressed against her left breast. She could feel his mocking smile.

"No!"

"Squashy? Mushy? Pulpy? Velvety?" He was trying not to laugh but she could feel his arms around her almost vibrating with it.

"Oh my god NO!"

"Smooth?" He started stroking her generous breasts this time, fingertips teasing her sensually and she bit back a moan. "Mmh, definitely silky." He then started licking her nipples and she didn't even found the strength to answer him.

Chapter Text

“This one will create a riot. No.”
“Jane, you’ve been vetoing all the swimsuits I chose; I need one, so I’m taking the red one!”
“But-”
“No, I don’t care if you can't control your libido or jealousy. It’s final, Foster.”
A sales girl walks close to Darcy and high five her. Jane just scoffs.
“You’re a terrible girlfriend!”
“I’m not because I will wear that red thing for you tonight.”
Jane promptly blushes at the bribe and bites her lips.
“Mkay - er - yeah, you do that...that’s good.”
“Girrrrl, you. are. good!” The sales girl says to the intern in awe and Darcy just smiles in triumph.

Chapter Text

Erik was suspicious. The two women were elbowing each other while looking at him.
“Will you just say it already! Stop whispering, it’s making me crazier than I already am!”
The petite scientist and her intern of a girlfriend both wore sheepish smiles.
“‘Well...we were wondering...that’s it if you don’t mind…”
“Yes?”
“It’s totes kewl if you say no, though!” Added Darcy.
“Yeah, what she said!”
“What?” He was clearly rubbing his eyelids, losing his patience.
“Will you walk us down the aisle?” Finally asked Jane.
At Erik befuddled expression, they realized something important., well Darcy did.
“Oh my God, Jane! You didn’t tell him!”
“What? NO! I remember coming in the lab right after and then there was this data and you were sleeping anyway so I - oh- okay yes I forgot.”
Darcy was groaning and Jane was looking at the other woman with a contrite air of embarrassment.
“Jeez, I knew all the sweet loving I gave you did a number on your brain but wow!” She took a deep breath and put her hands on the older man shoulders.
“Jane and I we are going to get married and we want you to both accompany us down the aisles, es possible senor?”
The man just stood shocked and then started laughing and jumping, embracing the two women in his arms.
“This is excellent news! YES! Of course!”
“Great, just remember to put on some pants that day because we are used to your dangling dead moose, but our families are not, ‘k?” Darcy was looking at him right in the eyes and Jane was just looking at the ceiling. The offending organ breathing freely and sleeping like an hibernating anorexic bear underneath Erik’s shirt.
“Oh, yes, of course, don’t worry, I’ll take my meds so I won’t probably flash anyone - oh I’m so happy!”
Jane took Darcy’s hand in hers and kissed it.
“Love you,” She whispered to the other brunette.

Chapter Text

“But, look at him! Look at the puppy!” Darcy was determined to complicate Jane’s life.
“He’s more of a racoon and it’s still a no.” Her girlfriend pouted, but she kept the new addition to their weird family close to her bosom, her arms around the dirty head of the definitively dangerous stranger with a metal arm.
“I’m sure he can be useful! Tell her what you can do with your arm!”
The man, James, looks at Jane calmly. “I can destroy your enemies with one finger, open pickle jars and whip just about anything you might want. Also heavy lifting, and my fingers are programmed like a hidden army swiss knife.” Darcy jumped and clapped her hands in joy. Jane eyes will probably stay bugged out.
“See, babe? He’s perfect! It’s fate; we are living our own Disney movie, it’s the stuff of legends! Poor amnesiac military man who doesn't know how to put makeup becomes our friend! I’m sure he can help out with the machines. Can we keep him now? Please?”
Jane sighed and rubbed her forehead, a migraine coming up.
“I don’t know Darcy…”
“We need a protection since shield fell.”
“Still, that doesn’t…”
“I’ll do whatever you want tonight.” Jane was about to answer but paused, the idea being really tempting.
“Really?” Darcy nodded enthusiastically, “Even wear,” she looked at Eric and James and blushed.
“Oh yeah, you bet.” Answered Darcy, thinking the same thing.
“Yep, okay, we can keep him, uh uh.” Jane couldn’t stop nodding nervously and being flustered by the thought of what was waiting for her at sundown. Darcy just sauntered to her girlfriend and hugged her.
“You’re the best, Janey. Love you.”
“Love you too.”