Chapter Text
Kevin was fine.
He was fine . Perfectly fine! Sure, the dreams had been getting worse and he’d almost woken Cecil and Carlos up by screaming himself awake once or twice, but he was fine! He was good.
…
He was so not fine.
Maybe he was just stressed. You combine the fact that Strex and the Smiling God are both hovering precariously hovering over your town, you have two very attractive men from the future in your house, Intern Lauren hasn’t actually been showing up to her job very often, said very attractive men from the future seem more and more worried every day that goes by with them still here, especially when Strex buys up another business, and you might be a little worried! Just a little!
Worried enough to wake up several blocks away from his house, maybe a dozen yards away from StrexCorp’s hub?
Maybe.
He needed a lock on his door.
Kevin hadn’t…
Kevin hadn’t told them about it yet. Cecil didn’t… even though he’d warmed up over the past couple months, he still was clearly wary whenever someone mentioned Strex around them. Vanessa was dealing with enough with her college applications, as well as having to pick up where Intern Lauren would seemingly drop everything and take off. And Carlos…
Carlos seemed like he knew far more about Kevin than Kevin himself would like.
Kevin trusted all of them, of course he did. But he didn’t want to worry Vanessa, and, well…
Cecil and Carlos obviously knew far more about Strex and who Kevin was in the future than they were telling him.
“Kevin?”
Kevin blinked, looking up to see Carlos. “Oh. Hey.”
The scientist looked concerned. “You okay?”
Kevin sighed, taking a sip of his coffee. “Yeah, sorry. Just… thinking.”
Carlos gave him a half-hearted smile. “Save that for the science lab.”
Ah, yes. The DBCSL. Apparently, Carlos had figured out why they were stuck in the Bluffs, but, being Carlos, wanted to check his calculations one last time before he actually told them the reason.
Kevin was pretty sure he knew what it was, but…
He didn’t want to think about it.
“You just want to keep looking for your double,” he murmured back through his coffee.
Carlos immediately flushed. “I- it’s just weird that I haven’t seen him yet! I am the normal amount of interested.”
Kevin rolled his eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone that looks like you- I think I’d know if I did.” I think I’d be dating him if I did. “And I told you, those are all the scientists in the Bluffs.”
Carlos groaned dramatically, and Kevin smirked. “But he could be out there!” An idea flashed across his face. “After I finish up in the lab today, do you… want to help me look?”
“What, you want to put up wanted posters or something?”
Carlos rolled his eyes. Something beeped. The town had reached its quota of eye-rolling for the day. “Be nice or I’ll let Cecil break your phone again.”
“You wouldn’t .”
“I would.”
***
Several empty threats and one very confused Cecil later, they had finally arrived at the DBCSL, which Kevin was proud to say he could pronounce perfectly despite there being no actual vowels.
Carlos was busy poring over a whiteboard, while the other scientists were looking uncomfortable and giving Kevin a look that said “I thought you said he wasn’t going to randomly show up here anymore?”
Kevin shrugged, and gave them an answering look- “I can’t stop him.”
Cecil shifted from where he was sitting next to Kevin. “What are we doing here exactly?”
“Carlos thinks he knows what’s keeping us inside of the Bluffs.” He ignored Cecil’s wince at the nickname. “I’m just mad we missed the baseball game.” As much as they had tried, the team hadn’t been able to make it out of the spacial loop to go to the game.
Cecil’s eyes widened. “I- I remember now. The game was forfeited because the Sunbeams never showed up. It was the year just before the inc-” he cut himself off sharply, eyes somehow widening even more.
“The… the what?”
Cecil gave him a slightly guilty look, but before Kevin could question him further, Carlos spun around, a delighted look on his face. Both the Hosts turned to look at him. “I figured it out!”
“You did?” Kevin shot up, previous conversation forgotten until that night when he would lie awake thinking about it. He stared at the whiteboard. Literally none of it made sense.
Cecil stood over his shoulder, also studying the whiteboard. “So… what is going on, exactly?”
“So!” Carlos clapped his hands together. “Kevin actually figured it out a few months ago!”
“I did?” Kevin had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.
“At breakfast, remember?” Carlos looked at him expectantly.
“...Carlos, I don’t even remember what I said a few minutes ago.”
“Right. Sorry. Anyway, you suggested that maybe we weren’t being kept out of Night Vale, but we were being kept in Desert Bluffs. So I ran some calculations, recorded some stuff, and figured it out!”
Cecil beamed, kissing his husband. “You’re so smart!”
“I am! Anyway, you were right. We’re being kept in the Bluffs-” (“Please don’t call it that,” Cecil muttered) “and I know what’s doing it.” He seemed slightly less excited.
“So?” Carlos seemed more nervous when Kevin spoke. “What’s keeping us here?”
Carlos muttered something.
“Carlos.”
He muttered it again.
“Carlos, please.”
“Ok, ok. Sorry. It’s… it’s the Smiling God.”
Kevin froze. Cecil froze. The other scientists looked very confused.
“It’s the what ?” Cecil hissed. “It’s- it’s real ?”
Kevin couldn’t move.
“I- of course It’s real, Cecil, just because science is real doesn’t mean that gods aren’t real too. Look at the Erikas!”
“I know, I know, I just- I just kinda thought it was another thing StrexCorp made up, that Kevin was trying to cope with his shit by believing in-”
“ Cecil .”
“Oh. Shit.” The Host turned to the aforementioned man. “...Kevin? You okay?”
He wasn't-
He couldn't-
Ok.
He knew it was coming. He felt the presence for weeks, a feeling he hadn't felt since he was ten years old, dying of dehydration, starvation, and infection in a land called Heaven. It was here.
Something was on his hand.
He had to remove it.
He jerked his hand up to his face, limbs shaking. It was halfway to his mouth, before he paused, confused. There was a man holding his hand. His hand was made of metal.
Wait.
Kevin came back to himself in a rush, nearly collapsing onto the floor. Cecil yelped, almost going down with him. His grip on Kevin's hand tightened. "Kevin, you're- you're okay." Cecil turned to Carlos, who was standing next to them, looking concerned. "I- it's here?"
Carlos's face had paled. "Yeah. It- It is."
"But… why hasn't it taken over yet? I mean-" he glanced at Kevin, who was clearly about to have a panic attack- "-why does he know about it?"
A guilty look passed over Carlos's face. Cecil's eyes narrowed. He looked back at Kevin. "Kevin. Why do you know about the Smiling God?"
Kevin, who was clearly in the middle of a panic attack, didn't respond. He was hot. He was so, so hot.
His fingers clenched around the sand-
"I don't wanna go back-" the words spilled from his lips- "-don't make me go back-"
Blood filled his mouth, bone and skin crunching under his teeth, dull pain running throughout his entire body-
There were hands on his shoulders. He screamed through the hand he had shoved in his mouth, pitching himself forward and almost cracking his head open on the concrete floor before someone caught him.
-the thing landed with a wet thump on the rough sand, blood spurting out of both it and his stump-
He could hear someone in his ear, not in his head. The voice was a familiar one, and there was a pressure around his wrist.
-the Smiling God's weight was pressing down on his shoulders, smothering his body. Its voice was echoing through his head, just sounds, the words crisp and clear and so so blurred. He couldn't hear. He couldn't think. He gasped for air.
He couldn't breathe.
"Kevin."
There was someone in front of him. A man.
Another hallucination.
Still, he reached out. Praying to any god other than the one he was with that it was real.
"Kevin!"
His hand connected.
"Um. Kevin?"
He opened his eyes.
His prosthetic hand was pressed against Cecil's chest, the other man staring at him with a mix of confusion and terror. In one of Cecil's hands was Kevin's other wrist, and-
Oh.
His jaw ached. He could taste blood.
There were bite marks on his wrist, deep enough to scar. Dark blood flowed onto the cold floor.
He felt like he was going to throw up. He felt like he was going to cry.
Instead of doing either of those things, he tipped forward slightly, throwing his arms around Cecil, who, still very confused, hugged him back. Cecil felt whole. Cecil felt real. He was warm, but not in a suffocating way.
They stayed like that until Kevin could finally feel his body again, the stinging of his wrist only increasing when Carlos, who had calmly sat down behind Cecil, dabbed it with antibiotics. Kevin was still shaking as he pulled away, allowing Carlos to wrap his wrist in silence. Finally, the scientist looked at him. "Are you okay?"
Kevin hesitated. "I… I don't know." He stared at the bandages, blood already starting to spot through. "Sorry."
Carlos didn't respond. Finally, Cecil cleared his throat. "So… What happened there, exactly?"
"Sorry," Kevin said again, curling into himself slightly. "I…" he trailed off, not really sure what to say. "I think… I think the Desert Otherworld affected me more than I thought."
Carlos let out a half-hearted chuckle while Cecil's eyes widened as he went, "The what?!"
Ah. Right. They hadn't told him.
…One long explanation later, Cecil holding Kevin's non-bleeding hand the whole time and interrupting them every few seconds, Kevin had stopped shaking long enough to rinse his mouth out in the Science Sink. The taste of blood wouldn’t leave.
Walking out of the Science Bathroom, he sat down on the Science Couch across from Cecil and Carlos. The latter looked up, holding his hand out, and Kevin obediently let the scientist frown at the already bloody bandage. “You probably cut a vein,” he muttered. “You’ll need stitches.”
Kevin retracted his hand, shrugging. “I heal quickly.” Besides, getting stitches meant he would have to explain it. The doctors had been irritated enough when ten-year-old Kevin showed up on the side of the road after being missing for weeks with one less hand than he had disappeared with. Especially when he couldn’t tell them exactly what happened.
They probably wouldn’t be too keen on seeing him come in due to a second attempt on the life of one of his hands.
Carlos still looked concerned. “At least let me re-wrap it before we leave?”
“Fine.”
“Ok.” He looked less distressed. “...Any idea what caused that? I mean, I’m guessing you didn’t want to bite your own hand off again.” A look passed over his face. “Unless you did.”
“No, I just…” Kevin sighed, running his non-bleeding hand through his hair. “I think… I don’t know. Panic attack, I guess?”
Cecil made a face. “When I have panic attacks I don’t try to chew my limbs off.”
“I don’t know,” Kevin repeated, growing slightly desperate. “I just- I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Like how you apparently didn’t want to talk to me about you being trapped in the Desert Otherworld when you were a kid?”
Ouch. Kevin gave him an apologetic look, while Carlos looked at his husband with irritation present on his face. “I didn’t think it was really important! Besides, I don’t see why you needed to know!”
“I just-” Cecil took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his fists. “I mean, it can’t be a coincidence that we can’t leave town right as Strex is taking over. The Smiling God and Strex- they have to be working together.”
Kevin tensed.
He didn’t need to tell them.
He couldn’t.
Cecil continued. “And since, y’know, you just had a mental breakdown after Carlos mentioned the Smiling God, and Strex has been trying really hard to buy the station…” he trailed off, looking uncomfortable. Carlos nudged him. “I just- I don’t know, maybe…”
“Maybe what?” Kevin finally said.
“...Maybe Strex is using the Smiling God to spy on you.”
Kevin froze.
It would make sense.
Maybe he’d been expecting the answer. Maybe it was why he hadn’t told them everything. Maybe it was why he was drawn to the garage that had started out as StrexCorp’s base and was now something so much worse. Maybe it was why he’d somehow known that Daniel McHirams was no longer his human self despite Kevin not seeing him in the garage.
…It was more than just spying.
It was why he’d wake up almost at the garage, his body screaming at him to continue walking.
It was why he kept getting dreams of a creepy little girl and bloody shoelaces.
It was why he’d almost bitten his own hand off just now.
He sighed, shakily.
He was so screwed.
“I think,” he said, slowly, quietly, still managing to cut off whatever Cecil was saying, “you’re right.”
The other two fell silent. Kevin continued. “I keep having this- this feeling in the back of my head, like… it’s like I have another eye back there. Plus, the dreams- they’ve been getting worse, and I don’t… I don’t understand them at all. They don’t… They don’t feel like regular dreams. It’s like I’m looking into someone else’s memories.”
“Maybe those are the Smiling God’s memories,” Cecil suggested. “It’s like a phone call- goes both ways.” His face seemed to light up, and Kevin knew at once what he was thinking. “Maybe we can-”
“Spy on the Smiling God?” Kevin finished. A warm, prickling sensation ran up his spine, one he’d almost forgotten the feel of. The sensation in the back of his head pulsed. “I’m… I’m not sure how that would work.”
“I dunno, maybe just-” Cecil scooched forward on the Science Couch to gently take Kevin’s hands in his own- “try reaching out and connecting? When Old Woman Josie back home communicates with the, uh, non-real beings that are not living in her home, she says she tries to focus on her memories of them. I… don’t remember what was next, because I ran out of the house screaming, but still. Should work!”
“Um… thanks.” Cecil was tracing his metal fingers with his own. It was very distracting. He really didn’t want to do this. “I really don’t want to do this, to be honest.” It was more wishful thinking than anything else, as he still closed his eyes.
The feeling at the back of his head throbbed. Something warm and wet spread across his shoulders, and he shivered. The grip Cecil had around his hands tightened, grounding him. “I’m here.”
Kevin let out a shaky breath, squeezing the other man’s hands back. He could feel Carlos sit down beside him, the loveseat beneath them dipping slightly. He was okay. He was safe. He was okay. He was okay. He was ok
.
k a y
ok
a o y .
h e w a s o k a y .
***
The desert was hot. It was always hot. Sweltering. Burning his already-burnt skin, always finding new patches of it to torture him with. He couldn’t walk. He hadn’t been able to walk for a while now.
All movement had stopped a while ago. He was still breathing, but not enough to disturb the sand mere centimeters from his mouth. His face was sweaty from more than just heat. When his eyes did open, they were shiny, unseeing. Glassy.
Dead.
He was alive.
He wouldn’t die, not now. Not yet.
You couldn’t die in Heaven, after all.
But he was getting close. It wasn’t sure of what to do. The boy was supposed to be Its prophet. Not lie in the sand, dying. It hadn’t been whispering in the boy’s ear for nothing. It hadn’t been protecting the boy from his father for nothing. It hadn’t closed that silly little third eye of his for nothing.
It curled around the boy, Its legs tickling his shoulders and body heat adding to the warmth already emanating from him. It thought It heard a whimper, and paused. The child was trying to speak. A foolish endevour. His vocal cords had been screamed raw days ago.
Weak fingers scrabbled against the sand as he tried desperately to talk, his stump wrist thumping weakly against the ground. Barely a whisper made it out of his mouth before he started to shake, silent coughs racking his body. He fell limp.
The Smiling God curled farther around him, and waited.
Hours passed. The sun stayed in the exact same position that it was always in, though the sky did darken slightly. Shadows fell upon the boy and the God. Finally, he stirred again. The Smiling God nudged him. He rolled over, too weak to do anything else.
Another noise made it out of his mouth, barely louder than the last but still audible to It.
“P-please,” he managed. “I… I- home. Home!”
The Smiling God would’ve frowned, had It been capable of frowning. That wasn’t right. The prophet was supposed to stay here. He was supposed to survive no matter what.
The boy thumped his remaining hand against the ground, seemingly annoyed. He hissed, “Home!” again before seemingly exhausting himself, and he slumped into silence.
Well, this was irritating.
The Smiling God nudged the boy’s left hand, and the boy whimpered in pain as his fingers stretched out and went rigid, a golden light appearing below him. A wooden frame appeared under his frail body, digging into his cheek. He hovered there for a moment, before he fell through the open door.
He would be back.
And so the Smiling God waited.
***
Kevin stood in the doorway, watching the doctors fuss over his ten-year-old self. Blood was still dripping sluggishly from his infected wrist stump, and his third eye was closed. His remaining two were glazed over and bleary.
He could hear bits of the conversation. About how he’d been found on the side of the road, unconscious and freezing. Babbling about some Smiling God when he woke.
He was in the hospital hallway. He was in the entrance to a warehouse. His sisters were waiting in the lobby behind him. His sisters had either moved or were dead.
The warehouse was cold. He was so cold. There were three men above him. Three wheels on the gurney he was on, the fourth missing and leaving metal scraping against the floor. Three lights in a row whenever he looked up. Three. Three. Three.
He was in the Desert Otherworld. He was in the hospital. He was in the StrexCorp warehouse. A triptych of events splayed out before him.
An immortālēs trēs. Mortui trēs. Sōlum trēs. Ūnus servat duōs.
Deus dēvōrat.
Blood spilled out of his mouth. He was being choked. He couldn’t breathe.
He lay there, torn apart.
Dying.
Something forced his way out from his lips.
A child’s severed hand.
He collapsed to the ground.
“Kevin!”
There was noise. Someone was trying to talk to him, and he reached blindly out, grabbing smooth fabric and pulling it close.
Gentle hands rested on his shoulders. Not smothering him. Not burning through his scarred skin and ripping out his veins.
There was a man in front of him. He knew him.
Carlos.
“Hi,” said Kevin, voice hoarse.
A multitude of emotions passed over Carlos’s face before it was filled with relief, and he hugged Krevin close.
“You’re okay,” he whispered. “You’re okay.”
***
Kevin had fallen asleep in the backseat on the way back. It was expected, especially after… all that.
From their perspective, he had stood up, stopped talking and responding to them, and his eyes had started glowing golden.
It was, in Carlos’s opinion, very scientifically interesting. Also concerning. But mostly interesting!
Kevin hadn’t told them much before he went silent, overwhelmed by all the questions and stimulation, but he had still told them enough for Carlos to decide that he was going to be driving them back, thank you very much.
“Do you think he’s okay?” Cecil asked quietly. He had been occasionally glancing back.
Carlos sighed. “I don’t know, Ceec.” He left it at that.
“I just- I’m worried about him.”
“I am too, but… I don’t think there’s anything we can do.” His fingers drummed against the steering wheel. “I don’t think he’s ever been okay.”
The car was silent.
Finally, Cecil looked over at him. “You took his blood.”
Carlos made a face. “Don’t say it like that , but… yeah.” He’d done it while re-wrapping Kevin’s hand, being excited about the differences of Kevin’s blood and Cecil’s and not having a chance to take Kevin’s yet.
Cecil was quiet again. “What did you see?”
Carlos shifted uncomfortably. “It’s just blood, Cee. It looked like blood.”
“No, no. There was something wrong with your face- I know that face. It’s the one you make when something’s wrong.”
“It’s nothing. Forget about it.”
“I saw you take a picture, Carlos. You don’t even do that with my blood! And my bloods’ weird!”
“I promise I’ll take a picture of your blood next time.”
“That’s not what this is about.”
“I just-” Carlos sighed. “Fine.” He glanced back in the rearview mirror. “Keviiiin, there’s a hot guy out there who says he wants to take you on a daaaate!”
The other man didn’t stir.
“Ok, he’s asleep.” Carlos pulled his phone out. “I wasn’t taking a picture of his blood, Ceec. I was taking a picture of his DNA. They have really good microscopes there!”
“So… what’s wrong with his DNA, then?”
Carlos sighed.
“This.”
He handed the phone over.
Cecil squinted at the screen, trying to understand what he was seeing.
His face paled.
“Oh, shit.”
“Yeah.”
Cecil continued to stare at the phone. “How do we- can you fix this?”
“I… I don’t know. It’s not even possible to do that in the first place, and I- I don’t think he was born with it.” His grip around the steering wheel tightened. “Cecil, I don’t know what to do.”
“But he- he didn’t say anything about being… y’know. Taken by them or anything. Is he… lying to us?”
“I think so.”
“...Can we trust him?”
“...”
“Carlos?”
“I don’t know, Cecil. Do you trust him?”
“...I don’t know.”
“I don’t know either. Do you… want to trust him?”
“Yes.”
“I do too. So, let’s just… maybe he doesn’t even know about it. Maybe it was just… I don’t know, maybe it’s just a temporary thing. It’ll probably change the next time I look. Maybe his DNA just changes shape and it just happened to look like the ladder rungs were spelling StrexCorp repeatedly! Maybe it’s just- Maybe-”
“Carlos, sweetie. You have to calm down.”
“I am calm!”
“Carlos. Breathe. Do it like Nilanjana showed you.
“…”
“…you feeling better now?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.”
“Ok. Well, let’s just… Let’s just focus on getting back. Do you want me to drive?”
“Cecil, I love you, but you drive like you’re trying to escape rabid wolves.”
“Aww.”
“Maybe next time, sweetie.”
The scientist relaxed slightly, one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding his husband’s hand.
And the Smiling God listened through Its prophet’s ears.