Archive of Our Own ^beta

She drove out of habit, but on the short forty-five-minute journey, why would she have done otherwise? It wasn't dark yet, it wasn't raining, in fact; the last rays of the setting sun painted the blue sky a beautiful crimson. She loved sunsets. She smiled as she took one last look at it before turning off the expressway, and turned right, making the familiar half-circle she'd been doing for years.
She thought about the day that had passed. Robert was kind as always; they laughed a lot as they had their usual Friday lunch together. She felt in her gut that day by day… who was she kidding... minute by minute she was falling more in love with him. But not everything was round, and that bothered her. They both felt clearly the attraction between – but never, not once could she get him to talk about it as an adult with an adult. He always shirked, never answered, never paid any attention if she asked him. There were days when the joy she felt at their meeting was stronger than the confusion, but there were times when she was consumed by uncertainty. Then and there, under the crimson sky, she was mainly confused. She shook his head to clear her thoughts. Then it happened.
It was as if her brain started to project a slow-motion video. The driver of the car in front of her jerked the steering wheel to the left, causing the flash of a car to blind her eyes. She got so confused but had absolutely no time to think, but her brain correctly perceived what she saw. A drunk man was driving the wrong way on the road, and after several successful avoidance maneuvers, it was her car that was finally hit head-on.
All her senses knew what was coming, but his brain just could not process the split-second events. It was as if her foot had hit the brake hard. It was as if her right hand was reaching towards the handbrake, while her left was (perhaps) trying to correct, but she could no longer tell which way she had turned the wheel. Probably to the right, because what happened next is something you only see in the news and are convinced doesn't exist in the world, let alone can happen to you - the car rose, spun, spun until it crashed into a deep ditch beside the motorway. It was upside down for a while, but then it rolled over onto its right side.

And then, deafening silence.

She lost all sense of time. When she opened her eyes again, she had no idea whether minutes or days had passed since she had collided with the other car. She could feel the tightness of the seat belt across her chest, and it seemed she hung halfway down. Then it hit her; she had to get free as soon as possible before the engine blew up – if it would... since she had no idea. She had no idea about anything at all.
Meanwhile, brakes were screeching on the motorway, at least six cars had already stopped to render assistance, call for ambulances and firefighters. Men began to descend in the ravine and rush to the other side of the highway as well to check on the other casualty of the accident.
It was almost miraculous that she was able to climb out of the car just in time for the civilian rescue team to arrive. A name flashed in her mind, only one name, and her hands feverishly searched in her pockets as she leaned against the side of the car, stumbling but moving forward across the grass.
"Ma'am" a man called out, and in an instant, he caught the bleeding-headed woman. "Help is on the way," he tried to reassure her, somewhat futilely.
"Robert... Hunter" she muttered. "Call Robert Hunter and tell him it's... me... who was in the crash... and he'll come... he-he’s a detective, but… but he'll know… he’ll…" she said very slowly, her throat flaring and her eyes fading. Begging.
He stared at the woman for only half a second, but when she put the phone in his hand, he did as have been asked. He made sure she was not left alone, and when he made sure another woman was with the injured one, he stepped away to make the call. Fortunately, the phone was not protected by any security code or other lock and didn't even break in the accident, so he could easily navigate to the contact list. He looked up the name Robert Hunter and dialed. It didn't take three rings and the call was answered on the other side of the line.
"Emily, what can I do..." the called one would have wanted to say, but the other man interrupted.
"My name is Adam Brown, sir," he quickly interjected. "Emily's been in an accident on the highway. I'm one of the people who saw her and we're at the scene. She handed me her phone and begged me to call you."
A heavy silence fell on the other end of the line. Hunter tightened his grip on the steering wheel in rage, and curses came out of his mouth that he had never even thought of before. The man beside Emily sighed deeply and glanced at the wounded woman. She had meanwhile been sitting down on the grass, while the woman watching over her tried to soak up the pool of blood on her face with a tissue.
"Where? Which one?" came the question suddenly from the phone, but this time in a tense and nervous tone the caller had never heard before.

As soon as he had the coordinates, or at least the mileage, Robert (giving a damn of the protocols) turned on the siren and made his way. His heart was pounding, his eyes almost blinded by terror and fear. Even he himself was surprised by the wave of emotion that came over him. Never, in any case, or field trip, had he ever felt so vulnerable as he did now, when the woman he loved more than anything else, though he didn't want to admit it to himself, was in danger.
Hunter arrived a few minutes before the rescue units and his police colleagues. By the time he got there, some civilian helpers had already put up a triangle on the road, several hundred meters from the accident site. Ignoring them, he rushed on, straight into the middle of the cleared stretch of road. He didn't even bother to close the car door behind him after he had jumped out. He immediately ran towards the tracks, straight down into the ditch.
"Emily!" he shouted as he ran. He saw no one, cared for only her safety. The man who had notified Hunter stepped aside, seeing that he was no longer needed there. The policeman knelt in front of the woman, who was barely conscious, her head still red with blood, the bleeding unabated.
"She's bleeding quite heavily from her forehead," said the terrified woman, who was taking care of the injured.
"Thank you," Hunter nodded. He wanted to say something else, but then he saw weak fingers reaching towards him.
"Robert" Emily sighed powerlessly, trying to cling to his shoulder. "Robert, I don't feel well," she whispered. He held her arm with a shaking hand, not knowing what to do for the first time in his life.
"You're going to be okay, Millie," he reassured her.
"I'm dizzy, and... and my head hurts. And..." Emily tried to list, but her voice broke. "I can't really see, and... everything's spinning," she added.
Robert's eyes welled up, but it was only two seconds that he allowed himself to weaken to that level.
"It's going to be okay, they're going to fix you, I promise" the man stated firmly. Suddenly he heard the screech of an ambulance in the distance. "Can you hold on to my shoulder?" he asked her. There was a weak nod in response. "I'm going to get you up so they can get to you as soon as possible. Hold on as tight as you can, okay?"
As gently as he could, he lifted the weakened, wounded woman into his arms. His heart was pounding, every nerve in his body focused on not letting her get any worse, not letting her not get better, not letting them not help her as best as they could.
"I don't want to die" he heard the sweet voice, this time pleading, desperate.
"You will not die," he gasped. Every muscle in his body tensed at the thought of losing the woman in his arms. "I won't let you; do you understand?"
He was only looking at the few feet in front of him, not looking down at her.
"Millie, talk to me," he said anxiously. "What did you plan to do at home?" he asked the first thing that came up in his mind, to keep her talking. After a few steps of silence, he heard her murmuring some words but couldn’t catch their meaning. Suddenly he felt he was carrying a much heavier body than before. Just when he stepped on the road, it occurred to him that she had fainted. Fortunately, the ambulance officers who were standing there immediately came to her side and guided her towards a stretcher.
"She's unconscious," he explained. "She's bleeding from the head and she said she was dizzy, I think she has a concussion, but..."
"Calm down, sir," one of the assistants put a hand on his shoulder. "We'll assess her condition, and then we'll do everything we can to get her well."
Hunter could only nod wearily while helplessly watching as the woman he loved so much was swallowed up by the ambulance, which then sped away from the scene.
He spun around helplessly, running his fingers through his hair. There was nothing he wanted more than to scream; he felt his body could take no more strain and was going to fall to atoms.
A squeak of a wheel broke him out of this state. Colleagues, a few police officers arrived on the scene. He hadn't seen who they were, but he was struck by the knowledge that there was another casualty. He ran over to the guardrail where the red car that had caused the accident was lying on its back with a smashed bumper and a torn rear door. Someone (probably the driver) must have been lying on the ground because there was a small circle of paramedics standing around there, two of them taking turns crouching down and performing movements similar to CPR.
Robert sighed, but before he could head in the direction of his own car, two policemen approached him.
"Robert" held out his hand to the slightly paunchy, mustached man on his left. He must have been in his forties or so, and Hunter didn't have to search his memory much to figure out why he looked so familiar. They worked side by side early in his career, back when he was a patrolman when Vanderford would be part of the unit assigned to the neighborhood. His full name was Nick Vanderford, and he was a pleasant, nice guy, but decisive when the situation called for it. As Robert saw it, about ten more policemen arrived on the scene beside them, all of them dispersing immediately. Some began to assess the cars, others secured the scene, still, others took odometers out of a trunk. The previously empty part of the road became bustling, with everyone rushing around and making phone calls.
"He’s my partner, Cliff." Cliff and Robert nodded at each other. "I recognized your car," Nick said, pulling Robert out of his thoughts. "Did you report the accident?" he asked. Hunter shook his head while gaining some energy to speak.
"Emily... well, one of my colleagues was sitting in the car which is now down in the ditch," he finally said. "I was just nearby."
"Sorry, mate," Nick sighed. "But she's all right, isn't she?"
Robert didn't answer, seeing the woman with the bleeding head in front of him again, the memories silencing him. Fortunately, before he could come up with some huge platitude, a meaningless reply, his phone rang, which got him out of the situation. He said a quick goodbye to his comrades, took long strides towards his car, and fished his phone out of his pocket.
Garcia's name flashed on the screen. Robert put the phone on speaker, placed it in front of the windshield, and drove out of the scene. He had to get back to the office, but he would turn around after every mile he drove to follow Emily to the hospital. His hand was now shaking with desperation, helplessness on the steering wheel.
"Robert, did you hear what happened?" his Mexican colleague immediately asked.
"Yes," he replied shortly.
"Who informed you? Did you see the scene? Or are you on your way there?"
Carlos was well aware of the emotions between Robert and Emily, but also of how differently the two were thinking in some respects. Robert had shown his love with having exactly zero intention of letting Emily into his life, which he himself thought was a complete mess. Emily, on the other hand, would have given anything to be there with him in the mess and support him. No matter how many times they tried to get past that point, they never succeeded. Usually, it was Robert who finally backed, not crossing certain boundaries, which resulted in Carlos spending late nights trying to convince him (over many pints of beer) to listen to his heart for once in his life. Meanwhile, Garcia's wife, Anna was caring for Emily, who despaired at his every dubious move.
"I got a call from Millie’s phone, and I’ve already arrived at the scene. By the time I got there, she was sitting on the grass. I helped her get into the ambulance. I honestly don't know what to do, Carlos. We just had lunch, said goodbye, she headed home and now…" he sighed, couldn’t even finish his sentence. As he spoke, he pulled over into the breakdown lane. He knew he couldn't drive in this state and carry on this conversation at the same time. Carlos remained silent for a few seconds.
"In what condition was she delivered?" he asked finally.
"She complained of headaches, dizziness, and was bleeding," he said, sighing. Hunter bent his head on the turning wheel. Suddenly he felt tired, like never have been before. "They put her into the ambulance already unconscious. She could have hit her head hard or gotten dizzy as the car spun" he finished the story.
"I sincerely hope, mate, that you're on your way to the hospital after her."
This time Robert was the one who didn't answer, and Carlos knew why.
"You have to be there," he said simply. "This is not a situation where there are other options."
"What about the office? The case?" Hunter lifted his head and asked back, perhaps only to hear himself relieved of the decision for one more time.
"We'll deal with it, Robert. There are so many people in this place, there absolutely will be somebody for two or three or four days... well, not replace you, but fill in for you. The boss will be out in the field if she must. But you've got nothing to do now but be there for Millie and hold her hand. You understand me?"
Robert sighed on the other end of the line. He was convinced.
"All right, Carlos. You're officially replacing me," he instructed as he turned his indicators and headed back into the drift of the motorway. "We'll talk tonight anyway, about what else you manage to find out this afternoon."
"Ok," his partner acknowledged over the phone. "Tell Emily that we wish her a fast recovery. I sincerely hope they won't keep her in for long."
"Yeah, me too. I'll give it to her and... we'll talk. Thank you" murmured the detective.
When the call was disconnected, Hunter leaned back in his seat, turned on his flashers, and tried to be relaxed as much as possible by the time he reached the facility.

Fortunately, at the hospital, he was quickly given directions and informed about her condition. The man's suspicions were confirmed; Emily was diagnosed with a concussion, had to have three stitches to repair a nasty tear on her head and she also sprained her right knee. As she had been in an accident, the doctors wanted to keep her under observation, and she had to stay for another 24 hours before she perhaps could be discharged.
Robert nodded in understanding of the information. Even though he was prepared for this, and knew she was in the right place, his heart sank a little. After the necessary bad, he was led to the ward where Emily laid and left alone.
The man pushed the handle as carefully as possible and tiptoed towards the chair by the bed. He didn't even have time to glance at the woman breathing under the blanket, because when he was only two steps away from the chair, his phone started to vibrate loudly. He swallowed the curses that came to his lips and quickly picked up the phone. Fortunately, it was only a text message, sent by Garcia. Drunk driving, third time, long record. He's dead , read the man already sitting in the chair. Hunter closed his eyes for a moment, sighed.
Finally, he took a long look at Emily. She was lying on her back, thankfully breathing on her own, no tubes hanging from her face. Her forehead, however, was adorned with a thick white bandage and an IV was stuck in the back of her hand.
Robert's hand began to shake again, but he was no longer sure whether it was from relief or from further tension. He'd been through such emotional waves in the last few hours that he thought he could never again. It terrified and shocked him that he could still lose his mind or be so terrified he couldn't think. And most of all – that he could still cry. His gaze wandered to the sleeping woman's face. She was the reason for all of this, all of it.

By the time he heard a small rustle from the bed, Robert had already discussed the rest of the case with Carlos and had learned more about the details of the accident. When he saw that Emily had moved, he crouched down beside the bed, placed his palm on her forehead, and began to stroke her hair gently with his thumb. He didn't want her to wake up in the middle of the cold room, he wanted to make her feel as safe as possible. Minutes passed before Emily slowly opened her eyes. He smiled as their gaze met.
For a moment, she didn't know where she was, but slowly she regained control of her senses. At first, she felt the splitting pain that seemed to be in every part of her, every cell. Then she felt the tingling sensation of the tape, and then the unpleasant prick of the needle in the back of her hand. The last thing that came to her mind was the gentle touch of the man next to her, stroking her head.
She wanted to talk, wanted to speak, but her throat was so parched that the very thought stabbed her with pain. Instead, she lifted the hand that hadn't been given the IV and languidly smoothed it over his cheek.
"Good morning," Hunter whispered, quieter than his breath. It was accompanied by a smile that was impossible not to return. Emily's lips parted weakly in a sort-of-smile. "Do you remember me?" he asked, just in case.
She nodded, and slowly, as everything came together, a single drop of tear rolled down her cheek.
"You're the strongest woman I know," he whispered immediately, gently wiping the tear off her skin.
He watched her for a few seconds, then turned to see if there was any water in the room. He didn't have to look long; a glass jug and three glasses were placed on a cupboard against the wall behind them. He stood up, filled it, then sat back in the chair.
"Here, have a little drink," Hunter whispered. Emily blinked at him in amazement and gratitude. As she lifted her head from the cushion, she felt Robert holding her neck while placing the glass to her lips. The coldness of the glass sat achingly on her lips, and the water seemed to scrape down her throat as she took small sips. "I'll tell a nurse you're awake," he said, after setting the glass down on the bedside table and standing up with a final smile. As he turned his back on the bed, Robert squeezed his eyelids shut for half a moment and took a deep breath. It's all right now, he mantled to himself.
The nurse Robert called into the room examined Emily's pupils and breathing and asked her a few questions, from which she concluded that she had no memory loss or serious brain damage.
"So, you are the next of kin?" the nurse asked. Emily's gaze immediately jumped to the man, who also glanced at her.
"Yes," he finally replied, looking not at the worker but at the woman in the bed. He had to go visit her, be with her, of course, he had to be considered next of kin. The rest will be discussed.
The nurse nodded as a finish, but instead of saying goodbye, she asked the man to come with her. Hunter followed with a heavy heart; he had an instinct of what he would hear.
"I don't want to be long-winded, nor do I want to drag this conversation out for too long," she said immediately as they closed the door behind them. "Car accidents tend to cause PTSD in the injured. It's kind of a mental illness, anxiety, which..."
"I know it," Robert interjected quickly. He knew exactly what it was, what it felt like, and what it was like to live with. The nurse just looked at him for two seconds, then continued.
"Then you must also know that if it happens, it won't be a walk in the park. If it does, she'll need professional help. Let's hope for the best. Be there for her, that's the most important thing. If she wants to talk about what happened on her own, that's the best, but if not, try to get her to it. Lots of time together, mental, and physical support, and lots of conversation. Those are the most important things," she repeated.
"I’ll do everything I can," Hunter nodded firmly, but a tight feeling in the pit of his stomach was gripping him. "And when can she leave?" he asked.
"I'd say a day or two, probably. It depends a lot on how she feels. She had been hit hard on the head, the impact was severe, but the injury was not serious. She's going to have to spend the rest of tomorrow in any case. We can make a decision in the evening."
"Can I stay with her overnight?" he asked one last time.
"Of course," the nurse smiled slightly. Robert nodded again, thanked her for the help, and walked back to Emily in the room.

She was eager for him to return to the room. Slowly, all the memories fell into place, and she could see the seemingly endless seconds, the blue light, and the metallic taste again on her tongue. She also felt that she had to fill her lungs with air more quickly or she would suffocate. Tears had already blurred the room, which was bathed in warm light from the lamps, and she was sure no one would notice how miserable she felt. She wanted to scream, to cry, but most of all to hug someone before it happens again, the crash and the tumbling and the flying.
At that moment the handle was pushed down again, and Hunter entered the room. He immediately heard the muffled gasps, so took long steps to get to the bedside. He crouched down just like before.
"I'm right here" he whispered, gripping her hand tightly. "You're safe, it's all over and nothing bad can happen anymore" he mantled to her firmly.
"Was it me? " Emily asked in a hushed voice. Robert shook his head as quickly as he could.
"You had nothing to do with it. You were in the most unfortunate position."
As he said the words, Emily's throat burned again with tears, and she pulled her right hand out of his grasp to clasp it over her mouth.
"It’s all right, Millie," he said quietly. "Take a deep..." he was about to ask her to breathe, but Emily spoke again.
"And what happened to them?" she asked, sniffling. She looked upon the man with eyes so desperate and filled with tears, it literally broke Robert’s heart. "The one who…" she tried to explain, but it was unnecessary. Hunter knew what she meant from the first word, so he took a sharp breath before speaking.
"He died," he said simply at last. Like ripping off a band-aid. "Right on the scene. He could get out, but they couldn't revive him" he said, all that he was told by Garcia.
That was the moment when she lost it; Emily burst out sobbing while her eyes squeezed shut. Robert leaned close, his forehead resting against her temple, trying to whisper words of encouragement in her ear.
"Listen to me, love. Try to concentrate on my voice and take deep breaths. I can't imagine what you're going through, but you need to calm down, so things don't get worse."
The man fell silent, barely lifted his head, and glanced at the face of the woman in the bed. Emily was no longer sobbing, but she couldn't breathe steadily from the panting. Her hand found Hunter's arm, however, and she clung desperately to it.
"You're very strong, you hear me? Stronger than anyone I know." Robert whispered again in her ear. Emily slowly turned her head towards him, then rolled onto her side in bed. He smiled softly, wiping the tears from her eyes. "And you know, why?" he continued. "Because you were able to get out of the car on your own after an accident like that and call for help. What's more, you held on until you got to the ambulance. You are strong, you are resilient, but m…"
"I killed a man," she looked up at him in despair, her eyes beginning to fill with tears again.
"I need you to forget this as soon as possible," Hunter said quietly but firmly. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "The man who caused the accident is a repeat offender." At that, Emily opened her eyes again, her gaze locked with Hunter's, listening to every word he whispered. "This was the third time he'd driven drunk and hit someone, and this time it was much worse than a busted mirror or a scratched back door. He drove onto the highway against traffic, and it was only a matter of time before someone couldn't avoid him. It was no one's fault he was dead but his own, as bad as that sounds."
The man paused for a breath and broke eye contact. Gently, he tucked a few strands of hair behind Emily's ear and stroked her cheek.
"Can you feel that?" he asked quietly, but now with a faint, encouraging smile. She nodded, not quite sure what he was getting at. "It means that you're alive, you're safe and other than that, nothing else in the world matters. What’s more, the nurse says you could be released tomorrow night."
Hunter studied the woman in front of him curiously as he let her off. Emily also watched his face. She was grateful, more grateful than she had ever been to anyone, and as grateful as she would ever be in the future. Too many feelings were straining at her inside, almost in a paralyzing way. Very slowly, she lifted her hand, the one the IV was in and laid it on the man's right hand, which rested on top of the mattress. The man looked down at the touch, his fingers sliding over Emily's hand, his thumb gently smoothing the corner of the band-aid that held the IV.
"I thought I'd bring in the things you might need for the day ahead," he said slowly.
"You would do that?" asked Emily back, her eyes wide. "I thought you had a case and needed to… That you don't have time" she finally said. Robert's heart clenched. He knew perfectly well that she had every reason to think that, but still... he felt terrible about it.
"Garcia's taking my place for a few days on the investigation," he said, looking Emily firmly in the eye. Her brown eyes stared back with even more astonishment than before. "That way I can be by your side until you get a bit stronger," he added.
Emily's throat was choked with tears again, so much so that she couldn't even reply. She nodded fervently as she bit her lip, trying to fight back tears. Robert, for the first time in a while, but for the umpteenth time that day, could not say anything.
His brain was still fighting against letting his emotions run wild. If he let go now if he acted now as if the darkness of his work was not looming between him and this woman, it would hurt her much more when the weekdays came, and he had to step back. It would be hypocrisy. It would break her more than this accident. But at the same time, his muscles twitched every second to stroke her broken cheek, sweep the tears from under her eyes, kiss her forehead, and whisper anything in her ear that makes her feel better. He was used to fighting demons. He was also used to fighting himself. But he was not used to fighting against the only thing that kept him alive.
Hunter let her cry it out. He knew that this was only partly due to him and the sudden change in his relationship with his job; more of the trauma she'd experienced was still working inside her. He knew that Emily's love language was the touch, and when it came to his mind, he bowed his head for a brief moment as he was flooded with memories. Then he smoothed his hand over her forehead, slowly tracing his thumb over her skin. He told her again, whispered to her how strong she was and how proud he was of her. That she was in good hands with the doctors, and that along with them, Hunter as well would watch every step of hers. Finally, with great difficulty, he managed to calm her down with a long, low mantra, to the point where she could tell him what she needed from home. Fortunately, Robert was able to ask for her things at the hospital reception, including the key to her flat.
The apartment was small but tastefully decorated. It had a dining room, a small bathroom, a walk-in wardrobe, and a bedroom that was quite generous for the flat’s size. Pale colors dominated the space, with clean patterns and simplicity. Huge bookshelf opposite the double bed. Perfume and soft rinsing scent in the air. Robert sighed as he folded a sweater into a travel bag. This could be his. She could be his. And then, as always, the same thought crept up; Emily couldn't stand what Robert was doing. She couldn't get used to the nights at the office, or the sleepless hours at home. She wouldn’t know how to handle cases so serious that tests even Robert's nerves. She would want to help but she just wouldn’t be able to, and it would destroy her. Robert would destroy her.

In the end, Emily had to spend a total of two days in the hospital. Robert, true to his word, sat by her side all the time, sometimes telling her about old cases, sometimes listening to her talk about her own memories, sometimes just sitting quietly on the edge of her bed, watching her sleep. He himself did not sleep much; not even those two-three hours as he usually did. He was comforted to know that she, though shaken by what had happened, seemed truly strong and ready to put all her energy into healing. The doctors did not order any therapy when she was discharged from care, they simply told her that if she had any difficulties, she should contact the institution with confidence and they would help her with anything. She had to wear the brace on her leg for another two weeks and was called back for check-ups, but otherwise, physically, she was fine.
Robert, of course, offered to drive her home and even help around the house for the rest of the day. On the way there, they went shopping, and back at the apartment, Hunter helped her pack up a bit in the bedroom, so Emily could rest. While she showered, he made her a quick dinner. He wasn't much of a cook, but he could prepare basic meals; he had cooked for Emily on occasion, and she seemed to like his food. He planned to have dinner with her and then let her rest. This happened after about a quarter to eleven. He helped Emily to walk to the bedroom.
"Will you be able to sleep?" he asked in a soft voice as she sat on the bed and he tucked her in. With the corridor lamp switched on behind him, Emily could only see his silhouette, not his features or his eyes. She couldn’t see how tenderly he watched every movement of hers.
"I think so," she answered cautiously. Silence fell between. They both knew what was next.
"Then it's time for me to go," Hunter sighed. She couldn’t see his hands trembling. Robert, on the other hand, could see her eyes widen, the despair on her face.
"Come here," she asked suddenly, holding out her hand to him. He didn't move immediately, hesitated for a moment. Emily couldn't decide whether it was because of what she had asked or because he had something on his mind. Little did she know how much he had on his mind. Hunter struggled. With himself. His thoughts were racing.
He couldn't expose this girl to all that came with him.
He couldn't make that decision alone.
If they made it together, it would be painful for both of them, but mainly for Emily.
Why didn't he even consider the possibility that she could take it, and that they could both draw strength from this love?
He'd ruin her.
If he'd let this girl go, he would never again have the chance to even the possibility of the same happiness that he felt with her.
His heart won.
"Try to sleep, Millie," he whispered after slowly sitting onto the bed. His lips formed her nickname just like it was the most precious, most fragile thing in the whole wide world. His hand slowly found hers resting on the sheet, his thumb began to dance on the back; it was slow, his skin touching hers so gently. Emily’s eyes teared up. She needed this man more than anybody ever, what's more, she felt how Robert needed her as well. And yet here he was, hesitant.
"Stay, please," she gasped. She would have given anything for him to spend the night with her, do nothing but pull close to him, with him holding back, protecting her. Robert closed his eyes as her words reached his ears. If anything, he was afraid of this the most.
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't see him properly. Hunter, however, with the light on her face, could perfectly take it all in; he could see the desperation in her brown eyes. He hesitated, again. Slowly lowering his head, he examined the fingers resting on the woman's soft, small hand. No matter how hard it was, he just had to decide, without any time for thinking.
"I'm not asking anything, just for you to be here," she continued, just as quietly, but still pulling Hunter out of his thoughts. "Just a little, for a short while. Like it was real..."
Robert took a deep breath and then, without a word, he stood up. The blood froze in Emily's veins, her limbs went numb with fright. She was convinced that he was leaving him. That'd be his style. She almost jumped out of bed and ran after him, just when it turned out that he had only gone as far as the hallway to turn off the lights. Emily got even more confused. So much more than if he'd just left her. Robert staggered back in the dark but managed to find the bed again. Emily slid to the other side to give enough space for the man to lay down. Robert did so, resting his head on his palm, staying on his elbow. He put his free hand on Em's stomach as she tucked him in a bit. Their hearts were racing, they both blushed in the dark. They just never saw this coming; Emily herself hadn't even dared to dream about any situation like this, Robert on the other hand could never imagine himself letting her in this far.
"Did you say… like it was real?" he asked quietly.
"Don't tell me you don't feel the same, Robert," she sighed, putting her head closer to his broad chest. She thought maybe it was best that she didn't see his reaction. Robert's hand found his cheek and stroked it softly.
"Of course, I feel the same," he said. HE SAID. Detective Robert Hunter said his true feelings, the ones he's been trying to hide forever. Perhaps nothing has ever felt so good as saying those few words. The weight on his heart didn't go away, but for a brief moment, he felt real happiness. Emily closed her eyes, her jaw tightened, fighting back tears. Yes, he said it, yet it wasn't the end. "But we can't do this, Emily. I'm not that easy to be in a relationship with" he whispered.
"As if I care," she snorted. Robert slowly leaned close and pressed a long kiss to her forehead to calm her. He tried to breathe in as much of her scent as he could during those few seconds when their skin touched. This could be his life - tingled in his ears.
Emily herself couldn't decide if it helped or just made the case worse. She buried her head in his chest; she turned to him, slid her hand around his waist, and tried to press herself as tightly as possible against his body. Maybe, if she clung onto him, he wouldn't leave.
"Try to get some sleep. You need to rest," he murmured in a low voice as he stroked her hair with his fingers, ruffling her locks. She immediately shook her head as he finished the sentence.
"Then you're leaving," she mumbled into his shirt in explanation. Of course, he knew what she was thinking about, he's a profiler, for God's sake.
Hunter didn't reply. He must leave. He didn't want to, but that's the only reasonable decision.
"I'll stay with you until you fall asleep," he finally promised. Anything that calms her. "Maybe we can allow ourselves this half night," he added softly, maybe to reassure himself as well.
They slowly changed position. Robert laid down on the pillow, then Emily rested her head on his shoulder. His fingers found their way again into her hair. While her breaths became slower and deeper, Robert amusedly played with her locks, sometimes pressing a slow secret kiss on her head. The clock on the kitchen counter showed 3:56 when he finally gathered enough energy and convinced himself enough to get up and leave her behind.

Emily woke up tired as if she hadn't slept a wink during the night. She had been tossing and turning since dawn, and that few minutes of deep sleep she had was disturbed by nightmares. Everything was fine while... somehow she felt subconscious that she was not alone. That Robert was lying next to her. Her morning mood was not helped by the fact that (as she expected) she woke up alone.
She sat up in his bed, ruffled her hair. She looked around the empty room. What do people do after a car accident?
Slowly, the images of last night crept back into her memory. The smell of Robert. The safety of his body lying next to hers. As she woke immediately when he got up from beside her. They didn’t talk about what’s next. She had no idea how to deal with official matters, who to contact, and who would be by her side during the process of the accident. But one thing she knew; after last night, and after Robert's feelings had become clear to her... or, more specifically, Robert's decisions had become clear to her, she wouldn’t even think of looking for him, calling or asking for help. Carlos, Robert's co-worker, and his wife also had a good relationship with Emily, and she trusted them enough to be the first people she thought of when she started thinking about who she could turn to for help.

Barely an hour passed, and the woman, as if sensing that Emily was thinking about her, knocked on her door. She was standing on the threshold with a large bag in her hand and a broad but gentle smile on her lips when Emily opened the door.
"Knock-knock" Anna greeted her kindly.
"How nice it is to see you!" she cheered, sincerely from her heart. She was very glad partly to have company and partly that it will surely distract her thoughts.
"I brought a lot of things, I didn't know what you really needed" her friend chatted as Emily let her into the apartment. She gratefully took the bag full of fruit, vegetables, various sweets, and cereals from her.
"You shouldn't have spent any money on me," she said lowly.
"This is the least, my dear" she smiled back at her. Emily noticed that he was looking at her forehead, where a white bandage still marked her injury.
"Can I offer you a coffee?" she asked, trying to take her attention off it.
"I would be grateful" nodded Anna.
As they made coffee and went into the living room, they talked through what investigations, negotiations, and paperwork Emily could expect in the near future. Of course, as she was sure she would, Anna offered all the help she could, and they had already started to discuss who to contact and how to start the legal process. Emily was eternally grateful to and grateful for her.
When they got to the end of this topic, Anna bit her lip and wondered if she should ask what had been on her mind from the first minute.
"Was Robert with you?" she asked finally as she stirred her coffee. Emily's heart clenched, her eyes closed, she stroked the tiny needle mark on the back of her hand, left by the IV. The wound was starting to turn purple.
"Yeah, all the time in the hospital. Then he… he brought me home, and stayed a while last night," she sighed finally.
"Stayed a while?" wondered Anna. The girl immediately shook her head. She wasn’t ready to talk about it, it was a mistake to say the details. It would have been enough to confess the bare minimum.
"I don't want to talk about it," she answered quietly.
"How did you say goodbye? Did he promise he would call?" Anna asked anyway.
"Not really," said Emily. "But... we’re only in the morning, he could anyway" she smiled falsely at her friend, hoping that this is the end of the topic. Anna wordlessly studied the bruised face of the girl sitting opposite her.
Not much was said between them after that. Anna didn't want to keep Emily long, but she promised to talk to Carlos, and together they would look into everything that the official procedure entailed.

The morning was quiet, apart from Anna's visit, and the afternoon brought no particular excitement either. Emily was tapping on her phone mindlessly after her quick dinner when out of a sudden the screen changed, and a call came through. Robert's name lit up on the black background. She stared at the device for a while but finally pressed the green button.
"Robert," she said quietly as she put the phone to her ear.
"Hi," she heard his voice. "Is this a good time? Weren't you asleep?"
"No, no, I was just... What do you want?" she asked tiredly.
"Can I see you? You know, just check-in, talk about the next steps. And… last night..." he wanted to explain, but she interrupted.
"Rob… I don’t think I’m strong enough for this. You made it pretty clear what… That you don’t want to do this. What I don’t want to do is play. I'll ask Garcia to help you, or…"
"Please, Emilia," he sighed. He never called her by her full name. She sighed, broken. "I made a mistake."
"What’s the guarantee that if I let you in, you won’t walk out of the door this time again? I barely started processing the whole… The accident, losing you… It would be so much easier for me to go through this amount of pain only once.”
"I love you,” he stated. So simple, yet so heavy words. “This is the guarantee.”
"And is your love stronger than the passion for your job? Your fears?”
He flinched at her last word. He was convinced that he could never feel afraid again, and yet here came this girl, who saw right into his gut, and noticed his feelings far sooner than Robert himself. And he hurt her because for the first time in his life he was indecisive.
"Yes," he replied finally. “Look, there… There will be ups and downs, periods, when I just can’t concentrate or can’t be there, mentally. Or when I will worry through the night, thinking about how my actual case will affect YOU. This is inevitable. But now I see and I believe with my whole heart that together we can manage anything.” That was the truth, he couldn’t say anything else. Hunter really trusted Emily more than his own life.
Silence fell on the line.
“Em…” Robert wanted to speak again, but he stopped when she also spoke.
“Okay,” she finally agreed. “Come over.”
Robert’s heart began to race.
“Open your door,” he said. Emily furrowed her brows.
“Excuse me?” she said, wiping her tears.
“Open your entrance, please,” Hunter repeated. She lifted her head and looked towards the corridor. Her brain already knew what her heart hadn't realized yet. Her hand began to shake, her stomach clenched. He rose cautiously from the couch and paced quietly to the doormat.
As she opened the door, she saw a pair of shoes standing outside. Robert was waiting on the threshold and smiled softly when he finally saw her.
"Surprise," he added, but Emily was already clinging onto his neck, sobbing. "It’s all right," he mumbled in her ear as he stroked her back. He took the courage to lift her off the ground a little.
"How could you be so sure?" sniffed Emily, standing in front of him again after a long moment. She pulled him into the corridor, then Robert closed the door behind himself. She smoothed both hands over his face and watched him as if she couldn't believe what was happening. Because she couldn't.
"I wasn't," he replied honestly. Emily's hand wandered slowly to his waist; she had to hold him, or she feared she might collapse. "If you said no, I would have gone," he added. Meanwhile, he gently brushed the tears from her eyes, which he had been doing continuously for the past few days.
"I was thinking" he started when he thought she saw her clearly. "All night. I've done a lot, a lot of things in my life, but…"
"Please don’t," Emily shook her head quickly. "I can't take any more explanations, any more sadness, and apologies. Just..." she added, again in a breaking voice.
"Millie, let me finish," he asked tenderly, pulling her closer. In the end, she rested her head on his chest, allowing Robert to lean down and whisper his words directly into her ear. "But I don't want to make the biggest mistake ever," he continued. "Which would be to let you go. I was afraid that if we… If I let the walls down during your recovery and we started acting like a couple… If I stood by you as your boyfriend when you healed and we went back to our normal lives and we had to let go of each other in that way… you would be shattered." He rambled. He never rambled. Emily felt his lips placing a kiss on her temple. "But this is not what happened, or at least we would never know if this would happen. Because here I am, unable to let you go, no matter what I've been trying to keep bottled up in the past few days."
"Seeing me vulnerable is what made you change your mind?" she mumbled into his chest. Robert was silent for a while. He knew what a clever girl she was, but she surprised him each time. Never, never had anyone been able to express so accurately what he felt, and no one could have known him from a single breath.
"No," he finally replied. "But this was the last straw. I saw what I was going to throw away. And what an idiot I would be if I let that happen."
"Can I agree with that last sentence?" she raised her head sniffling.
"Please!" laughed Hunter softly. "I'm sorry for everything I've put you through in the past days and before. For always backing out. This time, too, my… bullshit was the last thing your soul needed."
Emily shook her head.
"I just hope that the time we’ll spend together will support your decision and you won't regret it," she whispered with eyes dropped.
"I already know that this will never be the case. I will never let you go. We are going to do this together" he promised fiercely. He put his finger under her chin, forcing her to lift her head, then looked Emily in the eye for a brief second, as if asking permission before taking his next step. Her eyes darted to Hunter's mouth; she understood exactly his thoughts. The next moment, they were suddenly aware of their lips against each other's, melting together in a sad kiss.