Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Michael look out! Michael!” 

A dream… It was as if it was all a dream, the kind of dream where it feels so damn real, the kind you wake up from and thank god that it didn’t happen… Except this time it wasn’t the case. It felt like a dream, a fainted fantasy that you wake up from but it wasn’t. What happened to Michael and Gavin where all too real.

The two fought as usual, but they would never fight while Michael was driving. Gavin knew better than to distract anyone on the road, though that time was a bit different. It wasn’t their usual fights either, this fight was real and it was Michael’s fault… he knew it was too. The guilt of just knowing you caused not just your friend’s but your own death, and possibly someone else’s would be enough to wish you stayed dead. To Michael, this was exactly the case. After the crash that day Ryan took the two men back to his place. In a short way of speaking he saved the two, the only “faulty wiring” was Gavin’s memories would never be restored. The damage was too deep there for Ryan to fix.

Michael was the first to wake up. The guilt was the first thing he had felt and the only thing he did feel throughout the few days he had awaken.

Gavin was still in his coma-like state, sleeping like a baby… as an easy way to put it. Besides the bruises and cuts all over his body, Gavin seemed peaceful enough in his slumber. That still didn’t ease any fear in Michael’s mind though.

“Are you sure he’ll wake up? You said he still had some problems with his head… What if he doesn’t wake up Ryan? It’ll… It’ll be my fault… Fuck this is all my fault!”

“Michael! Calm down… He will wake up, now stop it and get yourself together.” Ryan spoke with force and aggravation. Truthfully he didn’t know himself if Gavin would wake up, but he couldn’t stand seeing Michael swell with such guilt. Telling him Gavin would be alright was the only thing he could do to calm the lad down a bit. “I’m going ot make some supper. Keep an eye on him.”

Once Ryan left Michael turned his gaze back to the sleeping man, tears filling his own tired eyes. No matter what Ryan had said or will say in the future days to come, this was his fault and it always will be. He was lucky that Ryan could even save them. He’d just wish He could save Gavin’s memories… make him feel better than Michael.

After a few minutes Michael’s vision grew blurry. He was still very tired, he did just wake up early that day, so there wasn’t much energy in him. With in a second Michael passed out, head placed on Gavin’s side, hand held tight to Gavin’s. His sleep didn’t last long. After 10 minutes in slumber Gavin had woken up, but not in a very peaceful way. When he had saw the strange man laying against him, well fear and shock struck first, and his initial reaction, despite his weak muscles, was to punch the other. “Hey! Ouch!” Michael shot up, rubbing his head. It more felt like he had bumped his head hard than a real punch, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt at all. He rubbed the part that was hit and stared at the other for a moment before realization hit.

“Wait… You’re awake!”

Chapter Text

Who are you?
Chapter 2/?

"You're awake!" Michael nearly screamed at the sight of the other. Despite being hit earlier he was only happy Gavin was awake... alive.

Gavin though, he wasn't as happy as Michael was. He looked almost angry and annoyed. "Tell me who the hell you are! Who are you?!"

The force of Gavin's voice caused Michael to jump a bit. His expression dropped completely. The way Gavin was acting towards Michael gave him the feeling of knives stabbing his chest. He took a shaking breath, almost afraid to speak again. "Gavin... You know me don't do this."

Gavin pushed back against the wall as if it could protect him from this man, from Michael. Fear and pain struck into Michael's expression. He had been waiting to tell Gavin how sorry he was and now... now he won't have that chance. Large tears began to fall from the man's eyes, completely wetting his face in seconds.

"W-wait... why are you-" A question was about to fall from Gavin's mouth, but before he could finish his words Michael had run off out of the room, almost knocking over Ryan on his way out.

Ryan stared off as Michael pushed passed him. He was a bit concerned for the lad but needed his attention on Gavin first. Michael’s breakdown could wait till later. Once he entered the room a smile formed to his face, pleasantly surprised to see Gavin had woken up. “Woke up on the wrong side of the bed there Gavin?” Ryan asked, holding a tray of hot food in front of him.

“Who the hell are you? Why do you and that mingy little prick know what my name is?!” Gavin had become quite angry in the last ten minutes of waking up. No memories of anyone yet having everyone know who could really piss off a British man.

Ryan set the tray down and stepped a bit closer to the younger man. “Gavin… My name is Ryan Haywood. We’ve worked together for a few years now. That ‘mingy little prick’ was Michael Jones. You worked with him as well.”

“Oh sod off!” Gavin yelled before laying back in his bed. “I don’t bloody know you and I don’t bloody know him. Right now I feel like I’ve been kidnapped.”

“No! Gavin you died, I saved you!” Ryan snapped in a bit of anger. He understood why Gavin felt this way though, waking up not knowing anything could be a bit scary, even though Gavin seemed more mad than scared.

Gavin turned in his bed, facing away from Ryan now and pulled the blanket over his head. “Leave me the bloody hell alone you creep.”

Ryan could only sigh in defeat. There was no getting through to this man today, he was too on edge and Ryan knew you can’t get through anyone in a state like this. The man stood and left the room, leaving the tray of hot food on the side table for Gavin to eat later. Now it was time to find the broken down Michael.

“Michael!” Ryan yelled out. He didn’t fully pay attention to where the boy ran off too, and just his luck Michael didn’t seem to be anywhere in the house. “Michael come on, talk to me!”

“Fuck off…” Michael mumbled from opened back door. The man was sitting against the wall, tears still falling down his face but not as bad as before.

Ryan sighed again as he stepped outside, taking his own seat beside the other. “Michael, come on. Talk to me. I know you’re upset about Gavin but-“
“He doesn’t remember shit Ryan. He doesn’t remember any of us and it’s my fucking fault!”

Ryan frowned. He didn't know what to do about this, he was never really good at comforting people, only reconstructing their bodies back to life. When it came to actually trying to make people feel better it always went a bit awkward.

"It's not... I mean. Fuck. You just have to give him some time Michael. I'll try my hardest to fix him but again I'm not sure. Just... You can't keep beating yourself up about it. Be friendly, talk to him. Make him feel better and maybe his memories will come back on it's own."

Michael didn't say a word after that. He knew it wasn't true, Ryan said before it wasn't possible. It was false hope to believe Gavin would know anything from before.
Ryan could see hope drain from Michael's face. What could he do? Keep lying until hope surfaced? What would be the point? All the hope would fall flat soon once Gavin's memories were for certain never coming back. There was no point in lying.

"Come on," Ryan said as he stood up, raising a hand for the other man. "I'm going to make you some damn good hot chocolate."