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Sirius was angry with James. They were arguing over the logistics of becoming animagi to help Remus with his transformations, but that wasn't the reason she was yelling at him. she had run away from home last summer and went to live with James and his family. It was hard for Sirius to tell the others what had happened, and she thought James would help her tell Peter and Remus, but he had not even tried bringing it up.
She had never been the most trusting person; the Black family would not allow her to be anything close to trusting. That is why she ran away, leaving her poor brother Regulas alone. Sirius wished she did not have to, but Sirius's mother would have killed her if she had not run away or had her married off to some rich pureblood. Who only cared if she could give him an heir. She wanted no part of her family's plans for her.
When she had made it to Jame's parent's house, Sirius was so relieved.

"Sirius, is that you? Why are you here? "James had said he kept asking what happened to her, but Sirius just stood in the doorway. Sirius was just too tired to answer any of his questions or any of James's parent's questions when they found them in the kitchen, with James trying to get her to eat.

'Do not worry about dinner. You need to rest. James will take you upstairs now.' Mrs Potter had told Sirius, but Sirius did not hear a word she said because she was in a daze. James just smiled at her as he turned back to the plate of food before setting it down on the counter. James took Sirius to the spare bedroom across from his own and told her to just knock on his door if she needed anything.
Sirius was barely aware of James at all, but later that night, she woke up, could not see, and was unaware of where she was. She had screamed out, and James had rushed in to comfort her. Sirius did not know why he was there. She felt as though she had no control over her body. Nevertheless, Sirius could hear James's comforting words, and she eventually calmed down and went back to sleep.
It had taken over a week for Sirius to start talking. James and his parents had waited calmly, not wanting to worsen Sirius's condition.

It was a bit unsettling to see Sirius like this, but when she started talking, she could not stop.

"They all would have killed me if I stayed! ripped my body to shreds and filled me with fascist ideology or sent me off to be bred by some pompous jerk who would not care about me!" Sirius yelled before she collapsed into their arms, sobbing.

"Oh, Sirius! I cannot believe they would do that!" Mrs potter cried tears of her own.

"They never cared about me; I thought they did; why did I ever trust them!" Sirius cried, "I have to go back. I left Regulas, my baby brother; I cannot leave him!"

She got up to leave, but she did not have the strength. She got up, but her leg shook. Sirius' legs could not hold her, and she fell into James's arms, and Sirius cried, sobbing into James' shoulder.

For the rest of the summer, she was very quiet. James and his parents tried to get her out of her shell and not to hide herself away. Sirius was grateful for how patient James's family was. They did not make her talk or do anything she did not want to. Sirius thought James would continue to support her and help her tell Remus and Peter.

When Sirius and James found Remus and Peter on the Hogwarts express, Sirius was so glad to see them.

"REMUS!! PETER!! It is so good to see you guys, Merlin. I missed you guys!!!" Sirius cried, wrapping her arms around Remus's neck. Sirius had a crush on Remus. Seeing him gave Sirius a sense of safety that only he gave her. The whole train ride was like the summer had never happened, and the break was nice. Still, Sirius believed that as soon as they got to the Gryffindor common room, James would help her explain the summer events to the rest of the marauders, but they went right to the boy's rooms to sleep, leaving Sirius to head up to her room. Okay, Sirius thought maybe James would help me tell them tomorrow.

However, he did not, nor did he help her the next day or the next. It was now the end of September and, yet James had not brought up the summer at all. Sirius was hurt. She did not think she was strong enough to tell Remus and Peter on her own. So she was irritated, and now James and Sirius were fighting. Sirius wanted it to end. She did not care about what they were arguing. She did not want to fight James; James was her brother; his opinion of her was very important to her, as was Remus's, so she tried to end the argument as quickly as possible.

"FINE! FINE! I do not care. I do not care. You win. We can do it your way; it does not matter as long as we can help Remus. I am going for a walk," said Sirius; Sirius got up and put her stuff back in her room, grabbing her cloak.

The night air was cold on Sirius's skin; the sky spat on her face. She walked around the edges of the castle walls. The sky was grim as if on the precipice of a much larger storm. Why was James ignoring what had happened in the summer? James knew that she had trouble telling people what had happened, especially those she cared about.
Moreover, why had nobody noticed? She thought her parents would have told everyone that she had been disowned. Did Remus know what happened and choose to say nothing? Was he mad at Sirius for not telling him herself? No, Remus would always forgive her and understand why she would not have told him the truth. Remus was a great listener. That was one of the things she loved about him.
Sirius decided she would check on the mandrakes they were growing so they could harvest the leaves. She found the spot behind the castle where they were growing; Sirius could tell that in a couple weeks, they could probably try to start their transformations. After making sure, each plant was in good condition. she continued her walk around the castle. Unfortunately, the small drop of rain quickened.
Sirius came upon a small alcove, and Sirius decided to sit down and wait to see if the rain would slow. She stayed silent in her solitude. The stars, she hoped, were the only things keeping her company, although she couldn't see the stars. The rain was loud as it beat against the stone walls of the school. She did not hear him coming. It was pouring. It was as if the whole world was crying for the deed that was about to transpire.
Severus Snape came into the nook. He did not see her at first as he cursed the rain.
"out of all night, why does it have to start to rain!" Snape said

"Isn't it past your bedtime Snivilus ?" She said. Snape's head swivelled, looking down at her.

"Black", Snape sneered. "All alone?"

"like that matter, you are no threat to me," Sirius said, going for her wand. Sirius reached into her pocket to find nothing; Sirius did not have her wand; she was alone; she had no weapon to defend herself. She was fucked.

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The night air was like a broken pane of glass still in one piece. Sirius stood firm, keeping her hands in her pockets. Sirius did not want Snape to know that she did not have her wand.
"I'll just leave. I'd rather not deal with you tonight," Sirius said, trying to push past snape.

"you know, as much as I hate you, I did not take you for a coward, Black", snape mocked.

"I am not a coward", said Sirius turning back toward Snape.

"then why are you running away?" Snape Sneered

"I just don't want your stench to stick to me." Sirius spat

"is it because you do not have your little gang with you?"

"I don't need them to fight you!" Sirius bargained, her voice wavering

"even without your wand?" said snape

"What are you talking about?!" he knew, snape knew she did not have anything to defend herself. Sirius knew she had lost, but she was Sirius Black. She wasn't going down without a fight.

"you do not have your wand. You're defenceless!"

"no! I have my wand," she yelled.

"you do not."

Sirius raised her fists, and snape smirked, raising his wand. Then, BANG! Thin, snake-like cords burst from the end of Snape's wand and twisted themselves around Sirius's wrists and ankles; she overbalanced and fell to the ground, unable to move. Sirius struggled against her bonds.

"What do you want!!! Let me go!!!" Sirius screamed

"sure"

"What?!"

"If you tell me where your Lupin goes every month."

"the hospital wing! he gets sick all the time", Sirius yelled.

"there's a hospital wing under these whomping willow?"

"what, no! the whomping willow? what are you talking about!?"

"Do not play dumb with me, Black. I've seen him go into the whomping willow with Pomfrey," Snape said, crouching by Sirius's head. His eyes roamed down her body. Sirius didn't like the way he looked at her.

"Well, I don't know how to get in there; no one does except probably Pomfrey if you've seen Remus and her go in there", Sirius spat.

"I've also seen you and Potter go into the tunnel at the bottom of the Whomping Willow", Snape stated

"I I uh Don't know what you're talking about", Sirius stuttered.

"oh, I think you do, and you're going to tell me," Snape said, slapping her across the face.

"what the fuck! Going to hit a girl while she's down, you coward!" Sirius said

Snape grabbed her face, and their eyes met. Sirius didn't like the look his eyes held. There was a look to them that sent shivers down Sirius's back. He wrapped her face roughly, moving her around and exposing her neck.

"Tell me How to get into the passageway under the Whomping Willow."

"No!"

"well, then this is going to continue," he said as he leaned down and licked a stripe up her neck. "Until you tell me how to get through the passageway."

"What the hell! Stop it! Gross, what are you doing!" Sirius yelled.

His hand slid across, and he felt her up, reaching her tie and pulling it loose. Sirius struggled against her bonds. Snape mouthed at her neck wetly.

"Stop", Sirius cried.

"Are you going to tell me How to get into the passageway"

"no, never, I would never betray Remus like that."

Snape started to unbutton her shirt, revealing her chest to the cold night air. Sirius Squirmed as she tried to get away from Snape's wet kisses over her chest and stomach.

"No. no. Stop. No. let me go," Sirius. yelled
Snape reached for the top of her skirt. Open his fingers underneath.

"no, don't, please don't", Sirius screamed.

"oh, did I hear a please my my I didn't think I'd be able to make the great Sirius Black beg" As he removed her skirt in one quick motion, it piled up around her ankles cause it could not get past the Rope. Sirius shivered as more Of her skin was revealed to the night air. Snape Glided his fingers over Sirius's covered folds. he looked up into her face and asked

"how do I get to the passageway Black?"

"I'm never- going to tell you," she spat back, which only made him prod at her clothed entrance. Snape quickly got bored with this; however, Reaching for the elastic of her undergarments and pulled them down too. He spread her legs Forcefully, making her hips hurt. He prodded inside her slowly with one finger. Sirius screamed as she fought against her bonds, Trying to force Snape's finger out of her.

"No, you don't," Snape said, getting on top of her legs and Jamming more fingers inside. Then, after a few seconds, Snape removed them, sticking his fingers in his mouth, wetting them and putting them back in.

'You know what? Let's take this one step further" as he took off his own pants, he was half hard.

"What, no", Sirius said; her voice panicked.

Snape Looked up at the stars and took a grasp of himself, pumping himself quickly.

"No! no! No! Please snape, don't, "Sirius yelled, Shifting back and forth underneath him. Tears flowed down her face.

"And I told you, blood traitor, that the only way I will stop is if you tell me where Lupin goes every night and how to get through the passageway under the Whomping Willow."

"No", Sirius Wined

Snape flipped her over, pushing her face into the dirt, and then Snape slipped Inside her, Letting out a guttural moan end beginning to laugh.

"you know I've never done this before. It feels fantastic," Snape whispered into her ear, Sirius leaning the way, trying to get her face further away from his. Then Snape began to thrust.

"Stop"

Thrust

"No"

Thrust

"Stop it"

thrust

"No"

Thrust

"No"

Thrust

"it is Disgusting!"

thrust

"you're the disgusting one cunt. You're so stupid. All you have to do Is tell me, and I'll stop before I cum in your dirty, used, worthless hole!" Snape said, but Sirius had gone mute. For a moment as tears streamed down her face as it was pushed into the dirt below. She knew the consequences of Snape's actions and her own if she didn't stop him, but she would hurt Remus, James, and Peter if she told him.
On the other hand, if she betrayed her friends and told Snape, she could be sent back to her parents. Unfortunately, what Snape was doing to do scared her nearly as much. Sirius was not prepared for either outcome.

"there's a knot", she gasped out.

"what"

"there is a knot at the base of the Whomping Willow. If you press it, you will paralyse the tree, and you can get into the passageway below," Sirius said the hope that he would stop clear in her voice.

"good see, that wasn't so hard. Thank you; see what a little honesty can do for you," Snape said, but he didn't pull out skip thrusting and groaning.

"you said you would pull out. You said you would stop. I told you. I told you! stop it, STOP! ." Sirius yelled, her voice catching at the end.

"no way, this feels way too amazing," Snape said. Then without warning, he came Inside the quivering young woman below him.

The air seemed to freeze as breathing filled the night sky. Snape Pulled out slowly with a wet slop. Snape stood up, putting himself together and covering himself up. Snape brushed his knees where he had been kneeling, looked down at the trembling girl, and walked away.

It took a moment for Sirius to come back to her senses. Her mind was reeling. Snape had really done it even after she told him how to find out Remus's Secret. The rest of the Marauders were going to be so mad and disgusted with her. Sirius couldn't tell them what had happened. What would they do if they knew snape had touched her like that. Would they abandon her because she was disgusting in used now? Would James not let her come home for Christmas or summer holidays. What will happen to Remus? No, she had to tell them what had happened. She would have to give them a half-truth.

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The whistling of the night air was ear-splitting. Sirius lay there, her clothes still pulled off and sitting in odd places. What Snape Had done had truly rocked her way of thinking of the man. True, she hated him before, but she never expected him to take it that far. Sirius slowly got up, looking down at herself. She could see snape's load trickling out of herself, Prompting her to lean over and vomit next to herself.
After she finished retching, Sirius slowly tried to get to her knees; Sirius's knees buckled and hit the cold ground, letting out a deep cough. She reached down. She pushed herself up against the wall, pulling her skirt and underwear up. Cleaned herself up the best she could. Took the time to look around the nook she was in. Sirius could still see everything snape had done, although she was sure she had cleaned herself up enough. Sirius shook her head. There was still one more thing to do. Still panting quickly and barely able to breathe, she leaned forward and vomited again. She made he way back to the Gryffindor dorms. After she had finished vomiting, Sirius slowly took the stairs, and it was as if the world took pity on her because she didn't run into any professors. Usually, Sirius would have reveled it, but she just kept walking the dorms slipping into the common room everyone had gone to sleep. Sirius went to the girls' dorm and rushed into the washroom. Sirius quickly stripped off, getting into the shower. Sirius scrubbed her skin; she could still feel all the place snape had touched her. If Sirius started crying, she didn't notice as water poured down her face.

"Sirius?" a voice came from the door.

"I'm fine, Evens g-go away." Sirius voiced cracked

"what's wrong? What happened?" Lily questioned

"nothing happened", Sirius whined.

"Do you want me to grab your pyjamas?" Lily asked

Sirius was silent for a moment before saying yes. Then, when the door closed, Sirius turned the water off and grabbed a towel stepping out of the shower cubical. When Lily came in, she froze.

"Sirius, what happened? Are you all right?" Lily said, placing her hand on Sirius's back causing Sirius to flinch.

"Sirius, will you tell me what happened to you? Should I get James or Remus?"

"No! I uh, will you not tell anyone?" Sirius said

"sure, Sirius, I promise not to tell anyone," Lily replied

"I ran away last summer."

"what?! why?"

"my parent wants me to get married to someone of their choosing, amongst other things."

"oh my god, I'm so sorry. Where did you go?"

"James's, his family took me in."

"that's that so nice of them."

"but he hasn't told anyone. I have been stuck in my head with no one to talk to!"

"Oh Sirius, I'm sure James just thought you didn't want to tell anyone if you just tell him. Why would James tell people anyway?" Lily asked

"because he knew I couldn't."

"so do Remus and Peter know?"

"no, I couldn't tell anyone I needed help, and I thought James would help me."

"did you ask James for help"

"no? why would I need to ask James for help? He knew what happened last summer."

"maybe James thinks you want to keep it a secret; maybe You should ask James for help."

"maybe"

"but that's not why you're upset, is it?"

"James and I had an argument last night, and I went for a walk. After a bit, it started to rain, and I I."

"I what? Sirius, what happened"

"Snape, He found me, and he he"

Sirius sank to the ground, and Lily followed, kneeling next to Sirius, allowing her to talk. Allowing Sirius to express herself.

"What happened? What did he do?"

"He attacked me, and he tied me up, and he he began to to."

"oh, my Sirius, please tell me he didn't."

"please tell me he didn't."

"he tied me up and and he", Sirius sobbed. "Snape raped me. He said he would stop if I told him something," Sirius confessed.

"oh Sirius, I'm sorry."
Lily took Sirius in her arms, letting her cry. Lily helped Sirius put her pyjamas on and wiped her wet face. Lily poured her a glass of water. Handing to Sirius shaking hands. After finishing the glass, Sirius muttered a quick thank you.

"Did you tell him?"

"yes, I did."

"and did he stop?"

"no"

"oh, Sirius"

Lily helped Sirius up and led her back to her bed, and Sirius threw herself onto her bed. However, Sirius couldn't sleep. The images of the nook still played in her head. What was she going to do?
About six hours later, Sirius woke up with a start. If she had been sleeping at all, she didn't remember it. The sound of the common room started to come to life in the early morning clear even in the dorm. Sirius could hear the marauders coming out of their dorm room to get some breakfast. "Sirius!" Sirius hears James call
"What?" she yelled back sleepily,
"you're going to be late for breakfast!" Peter yelled
"Come on, Sirius!" Remus yelled
Sirius slowly got up and went through her usual routine. Then, she paused in front of a mirror and stared into her own face for a moment. Sirius found that she didn't recognise the face that stared back. Sirius held her face; she played with her eyelids and her lips.

"Whatcha doing there, Black?" Marlene said, coming up from behind. Sirius whipped around.
"Nothing MacKinnon!" Sirius snapped, pushing past her and out of the washroom.
"Whoah, didn't mean to upset you, phst!" she said, but Sirius was already picking up her bag and leaving the dorm.

When Sirius sat down at the Gryffindor table, she went to tell the marauders, but it was like all the students had turned into a pile of ears and eyes. So Sirius did not say anything. Sirius knew what her parents would do if her parents found out what snape had done. She would have to leave Hogwarts, and she would have to marry snape and have a bunch of little snape babies. So Sirius stayed quiet. Days passed, and Sirius had not told anyone except Lily. She was too scared to tell anyone else, but she would have to eventually. And besides, she didn't want to cause a scandal. She didn't want Remus to know what snape had done to her; she did not want James to abandon her. Sirius was terrified. Some people noticed that she was acting strange and asked if she was okay. Sirius just brushed them off and said she was alright.
It had been a few weeks since snape had attacked her when she finally told James. The full moon was approaching, and she knew that then was when snape would be most likely to act. So Sirius lied because she couldn't possibly tell James why she actually told snape how to get into the whomping willow.
"James. I need to talk to you for a minute," she said quietly to him one night. James didn't ask; he just nodded his head and followed her out of the common room. Sirius took a deep breath and told him her lie.

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Remus watched James and Sirius Leave the common room. He wondered what was so important that Sirius had to talk to James alone. He started developing feelings for Sirius late last year, but Sirius Was really close to James. Especially since the summer, maybe they had started dating over the summer and weren't telling anyone. Remus thought perhaps something had happened over the summer that made them closer, but he was too nervous to ask them. James and Sirius were probably dating, he thought. Even if they weren't, it's not like Remus ever had a chance with Sirius. she is the prettiest girl in their year. Besides, even if she didn't care that he was a werewolf, Remus did not want to risk her life or their friendship by confessing his feelings.

When James and Sirius made their way out of the common room, They walked for a little bit until they found an empty classroom. James looked at her, his own worry clear in his expression. Sirius shifted her feet around nervously before speaking.

"What is Sirius"

"there's something I got to tell you that happened a couple of weeks ago. At first, it was a prank, but now I think I've gone too far."

"Is that why you've been acting strange what did you do? What happened"

"do you remember when We had an argument, and I went for a walk"

"Yeah, sorta"

"well, on my walk, I ran into Snivellus."

"Oh no, what did you do to him."

"Nothing! I didn't even have my wand on me."

"then what did you do? He didn't do anything to you, did he?"

"no, no, no, he wanted to know how to get into whomping willow. He roughed me up a bit, but nothing that I can't handle."

"Are you sure your okay?" James said before continuing, "Please tell me you didn't tell him how to get into the passageway to the shrieking Shack."

But Sirius couldn't meet James's eyes. she tried to work on a plausible reason here could have told him. James, however, took her silence as a response.
"Seriously, how can you be so reckless? Merlin and the full moon is tomorrow! Seriously Sirius, please tell me you're pulling my leg!"

"no, why would I lie? Look, I realise it was stupid. That's why I'm telling you so we can figure out how to prevent him from going through the passageway. Maybe we could find him erase his memory of me telling him"

"Sirius, neither of us knows the spell, and we don't have time to figure it out and what on Gia's green earth made you think that telling him would be a good prank in the first place! honestly, do you only think of yourself if Snape finds out about Remus' little furry problem he could be expelled or worse, killed?!"

"I uh James, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have told him, but I can't change the past now, can I."

"don't talk to me. I will Figure this out. Don't do anything, Merlin. You better hope I can stop this before Remus finds out, but I'm not taking your side if he does!"

"James, I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Please let me help, James! James!"

Sirius As James left her alone in the empty classroom. She stood there for a moment before exhaustion overtook her, and she collapsed, Breathing heavily.

The next morning when she got up, she felt ill and slightly nauseous. This time when she looked into the mirror, she vomited. Sirius's hands clutched the sink, and her breath became ragged. She wrenched for a few minutes before Lily came into the washroom.

"Sirius, are you all right!" she cried as she came to Sirius's side, rubbed circles gently on her back, and held her hair out of her face.

"I just feel a little nauseous, Evans", Sirius breathed as she gasped for air.

"do you want me to take you to Madam Pomfrey," Lily asked kindly

"yes, please," Sirius said weakly. Lilly walked over to her and put her shoulder underneath Sirius's arm directing her towards the door. Lily helped Sirius out of the dorm and downstairs towards the common room.

"Sirius, are you okay?" Remus asked when he saw her

"she's fine. I think she has a cold or something. Lily answered for her, just going to take her to Madam Pomfrey to pepper up a potion," Lily answered for her. Remus nodded, and his and Sirius's eyes met for a moment. It was nice the see his concern in his eyes. Sirius thought about how long it would be that last. Sirius thought it was good that it was so early in the morning and not many students were walking around because the sound probably would have given her a bad headache. When they were almost there, Lily slowed and gave her a look.

"Sirius, Before we go in, I have to ask you something."
"sure, go for it," Sirius said as she clutched her stomach that was still doing flips Inside her.

"Is there any chance, and don't take this the wrong way, that you could be pregnant?"

"what? Why would you ask that."

"Because you know what happened"

"oh Merlin, I didn't even think about it. I really hope not."

"don't they know what happened?"

"no, I haven't told anyone. Only you know."

"what, that's why Slytherin didn't lose points or Snape Didn't get expelled or at least the detentions. you didn't tell anyone why not"

"because if my parents find out, I'll have to leave Hogwarts forever and probably marry Snape or some pompous pureblood and spit out babies."

"Please don't tell anyone. ill tell people in my own time."

"but what if you are pregnant."

"they'll have to explain to Madame Pompfery what would happen if she reported it Because I would rather die."

The girls continued to walk, and when they made it to the door, Sirius stopped. her legs Shook, and she turned towards Lily.

"Whatever happens, will you stay by my side."

"of course, Sirius, us girls should stick together, right?"

When they entered the hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey rushed over to the two girls asking what was wrong.

"Sirius Threw up this morning."

"Oh dear, how long have you felt like this, love?" Pomphrey asked kindly, leading Sirius towards an empty bed and helping her sit down on atop it.

"I've been nauseous every morning for a couple of days now, but today was the first day I threw up."

Madam Pomfrey put her hand on Sirius's forehead and cheek, checking her temperature. Then she waved her wand casting a few diagnostic spells and producing a piece of paper with a list. Madam Pomfrey size scanning the page, pursing her lips together.

"Ms Black, you seem fine. Is there a chance you could be pregnant?"

"I uh ", Sirius Stuttered, her eyes meeting Lily's, Her hands fidgeting.

"Maybe I don't know," Sirius said quickly. Lily took Sirius's hand in her own. Sirius kept her eyes on Lilly as Madam Pomfrey cast a spell to check. She waved it 1over her stomach. The air around Sirius shimmered, and a faint green light shone around her.

"oh." Although she'd said the word barely above a whisper, it seemed to echo in the far too silent room. Sirius didn't need to ask what a positive result looked like. Her single syllable said a thousand words at once. Sirius burst into tears, and Lilly wrapped her arms around Sirius as she began to cry.

"Ms Black? Going to have to answer a couple of questions since I have to report this"

"no, no, no, you can't! My parents will pull me out of Hogwarts. They would force me to marry him even after he he" Sirius couldn't speak anymore. She just sobbed into Lily's arms.

"she was raped, Madam Pomfrey", Lily answered, causing the nurse's eyes to widen. "if you report it and her parents find out, they may force her to marry the bastard."

"oh, dear, May I ask who it was, surely not one of your friends?"

"no, just some Death Eater wannabe."

"Okay, dear, do you want to keep the child or do you want to take a potion to reverse your pregnancy."

"yes, yes, I'll take the potion, please."

"Okay, dear, are you very sure you want to end the pregnancy?"

"Yes, I want to end this pr - pr", Sirius said, but she couldn't say the last word.

"Ok, dear, you'll have to stay overnight. The potion will cause some bleeding down there, and you be in a considerable amount of pain. So you should not get out of bed until I deem it save for you to do so. You may bleed for a couple of days afterwards, but I'll let you go after one night. I'll just go get the potion and a painkiller to help now. I think I have one in storage. If not, I'll have to get brewed."

Sirius, Just continue to sob. She couldn't believe that he had gotten her pregnant. Sirius wasn't naive. She didn't believe only a loving consummation could yield a child. She knew because of how her parents were, but she had hoped that it would be with someone she loved when she had a child. She wasn't keeping the child sure. The child's heart wasn't even beating yet, but what Sirius wanted most was a loving family, and if people found out, she would never get that. Sirius was so scared. Madam Pomfrey came out of the storage room with the potions in hand.

"you're in luck. I just have this one left now. Are you sure you want to take this?"

"yes, I am sure I want to take it," Sirius Said, reaching out potions in Madam Pomfrey's hands. the potion tasted awful, and it was as if her stomach was on fire. Madam Pomfrey took the empty potion bottle from her hands and looked at her with pity, and she down the painkiller as well.

"I'll come back in half an hour to check if you're bleeding; now, I think it prudent that Ms Evens gets to class."

"can you come back once classes are over, Lilly please?" Sirius asked.

"Sure thing Sirius. I'll bring you some cauldron cakes."

"thank you. Could you bring me a few books as well, please"

"Sure, any books in particle?"

"there a couple under my pillows; could you grab those?"

"Sure thing, see you after class.

With that, Sirius was left alone Madam Pomfrey pulled the curtains around her bed to give her privacy. Sirius kicked off her shoes and lay back on the pillows, not bothering to put a blanket over top of herself and try to get some sleep.

Chapter Text

Sirius was thankful for Lily being so understanding and kind. She should probably be more thankful that Lily hadn't questioned about why she had books on becoming anagai, but her own situation was the furthest thing from her mind. Lily had been her only visitor all-day Sirius was praying that James would be able to stop Snape in time. But unfortunately, Sirius was so caught up in her thoughts that she only came to her senses when Remus came into the hospital wing to go to the shake to transform. Fortunately, Remus seemed his usual self, and Remus left without visiting her; she assumed Lilly hadn't said anything about her whereabouts or James had told him, and he was upset with her. Remus went, and Sirius wanted to follow him, tell him everything and beg for his forgiveness.

Sirius sat alone in the hospital wing, periodically checked up on by Madame Pomfrey to see how the potion was progressing and clean up the blood. Madam Pomfrey also gave her a blood replenishing potion because she was bleeding more than expected.

When voices came into the hospital wing. Sirius could identify the voices as James and Snape. Sirius's heart sank; James hadn't stopped Snape in time. He knew Remus's secret. Their voices were hushed, and Sirius could not understand what they were saying. She hoped that neither of them had been hurt. She knew Remus would beat himself up about it; she hoped he wouldn't be blamed.

The voices died down, and Sirius continued to listen; it was as if each noise was important. Sirius focused on everything in the hospital wing; she needed to know that Remus was okay, that he wasn't hurt, that he wasn't in trouble. Sirius' worry kept her up. She just had to know what had happened. It was eating her alive. Finally, the sound of the door opening broke the parable silence. She could hear Remus's familiar dragging footsteps from after a full moon. Sirius listened to everything; the sound of Remus getting into the hospital bed, the moans of pain as his body, Madame Pomfrey fussing. Sirius just wanted to know what had happened.

"Hey Remus, how are ya feeling" Sirius heard James

"We brought you some snacks from breakfast," Peter said

"Thanks; where's Sirius?" Remus asked

"Uh, I don't know," Peter said

"I'm not sure she wasn't at breakfast. I haven't seen her since yesterday." James told Remus, and it was quiet.

"What happened?" Remus said

"I um, no one is physically hurt."

"What happened"

"Snape knows"

"what? How did he find out."

"He got into the tunnel under the whomping willow."

"What? How did he manage to get past the willow?!"

"can I tell you once you healed a bit"

"No, James, tell me, tell me now."

"Sirius told him"

"What, why!!"

"I think she meant as a prank."

"A PRANK! HOW ON EARTH COULD SHE THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA!!"

"I don't know; at least she told me, so no one got hurt."

"no one got hurt! Snapes going to tell everyone I'm going to be expelled!'

"Professor Dumbledore has already talked to him. He's not going to tell anyone you're not going to be expelled."

"How are you so sure of that. how could Sirius do that."

With that, Sirius stop listening. She couldn't understand why she didn't tell James the truth about why she had told Snape. Would having told him that she had been assaulted be worse than telling them she told him as a prank.

"Evens? Why are you here?" Sirius heard James say. Sirius sat up as she heard Lilly's footsteps come closer. Sirius put her hand to her face, and she found that she was crying. Sirius quickly whipped her face before Lily pulled the curtains open a little and walked inside. Sirius raised her finger to her lip, signalling Lily to be quiet.

"Please don't let them know I'm here," Sirius whispered.

"Okay, I won't. How are you feeling?" Lilly asked

"I'm fine."

"I brought you some snacks from breakfast; I thought after that potion, you might want some comfort food," Lily said

"um yeah, thank you, Lily", Sirius said as she took the blueberry muffins that Lilly had wrapped in a napkin. Lilly sat down on the bed next to Sirius. Lily watched as Sirius ate. She looked at Sirius with a sad warmth. Sirius ate slowly, but she could not taste it. Sirius's mind was whirling. She could already hear words of disappointment and anger coming from Remus's mouth. Sirius Felt like she had lost absolutely everything. She felt like she had lost the brightest light to the night sky. She had nothing to hope for.

"I wonder why Remus is in the hospital wing," Lily said, snapping Sirius out of her thoughts.

"I I don't know, maybe he caught something," Sirius said
she would not tell Remus's secret to anyone ever again, no matter what the cost. Even if Remus never talked to her again. even if the rest of the Marauders abandoned her, she would not do that to Remus again.

Eventually, Lily had to leave the hospital wing for classes, and so did James and Peter. Leaving Sirius and Remus alone in the hospital Wing together. Remus must have had a rough night, Sirius thought. He didn't always stay the next day in the hospital wing. If Madame Pomfrey thought he was well enough, she would send him to recover in the Gryffindor boy's dorm room. This way, it would raise less suspicion that he was in the hospital Wing so often. Sirius remembers the countless nights she hung out with Remus, James, and Peter after sneaking into the boy's dorm. Sitting laughing and eating chocolate. Those nights were the closest Sirius was able to get to Remus. After a full moon, he always liked to have a comforting warm body next to him.

She wanted to tell him the truth so badly, but she feared that Remus would not believe her. But as the day moved forward and the hospital Wing stayed silent. Sirius was going mad; she just had to apologise to Remus. It took all her willpower and strength to get up and open the curtains. Remus's head swivelled at the noise of her curtains opening. His eyes widened at the side of her. But they quickly darkened and looked away from her.

"Oh, it's you," Remus said, his tone dark
"Hi, R-Remus", Sirius stuttered

"What are you even doing here? Have you been here the whole time"

"I came to the hospital when I wasn't feeling well earlier yesterday morning. I was barfing. I was so worried about what was going to happen."

"How could you tell him, Sirius? He's been trying to get us expelled forever. If he tells anyone, my life will be ruined. It will be hard enough for me to make a living once I leave Hogwarts."

Sirius grips onto the bed stand closest to her. She could feel her body lurching if it was the potion or her guilt. She couldn't tell.

"I'm sorry, Remus, I didn't think it through."

"clearly! Merlin Sirius, how could you be so thoughtless? I didn't think you only thought of yourself!"

"I I"

"I didn't think you hated me so much."

"I don't hate you, Remus."

Sirius felt light-headed. She needed Remus to know that it wasn't out of malicious intent, but it was taking all her willpower just to keep standing. It felt like she was standing on lit coals. Sirius could feel the blood dripping down her legs.

"don't you, this is my life we're talking about !"

"I know, Remus. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to earn your forgiveness"

"no, there's nothing you can do. How could I ever forgive you? Hogwarts is the best thing that ever happened to me, and you could have taken it away from me."

"I'm sorry."

"stop saying I'm sorry it doesn't matter." Remus sighed "why did you tell him, Sirius."

"I I well, you see ", Sirius began, but she couldn't finish. The pain was too much. She coughed, making her ears ring and something came up into her mouth. This time, Sirius coughed again into her hand, and she spat up blood.

"Sirius?" Remus asked as Sirius swayed and crumpled to the ground

Madam Pomfrey rushed into the hospital wing, running quickly over to Sirius. Sirius tried to get up, her eyes meeting Remus's before her view was blocked by Madam Pomfrey. Madam Pomfrey skillfully levitated Sirius onto the bed.

"I told who not to stand up, oh dear", She said as he cast healing spells over Sirius.

"I needed -" Sirius coughed.

"don't talk, or may have to keep you another night. Did you sleep at all last night? Pomfrey said as she continued to fuss over Sirius when she popped out of the wing.

"what is going on?" Remus asked

"nothing", Sirius replied before Madam Pomfrey shut the curtains around her so she could work on Sirius with a little more privacy and effectively ended their conversation before she could explain to Remus properly.

Chapter Text

For the next few days, Sirius avoided Remus and the rest of the Marauders like a plague. She didn't know what to say to them. Sirius wanted nothing more to go up to them. She wanted so badly to apologise to Remus, but if he didn't want to hear it in the hospital Wing, why would he want to listen to it now.

The only time serious had talked to any of the Marauders was the day after she got out of the hospital wing.

"why were you in the hospital wing," James asked coldly, strutting up to her.

"Because I need to be"

"Really, you need to be why?!"

"That's private."

James raised his eyebrows disbelievingly. He scanned Sirius as if to check if she had actually needed to be in the hospital wing.

"It wasn't just a show, right?" James asked carful

"No … is Remus okay?" She asked

"Yes, no thanks to you; what really happened, Sirius?" He asked

"I - it wasn't a prank and didn't want to betray any of you."

"that's not an answer."

None of you other marauders tried talking to her after that. Sirius didn't know if she wanted to talk to them anyway. Sirius was too scared of what they may say. However, this did not stop Sirius from trying to earn their forgiveness. The mandrake leaves were ready to harvest. So on the next full moon, she went out and harvested a leaf from one of the mandrakes placing it inside her mouth. Sirius noticed that the mandrake leaf tasted oddly of lemons. Now all she had to do was not spit out or swallow the leaf or get caught.
In all her years of pranking and being loud and obnoxious, Sirius still found that the easiest way to keep the leaf in her mouth is by staying quiet and not speaking much. Of course, she didn't want to talk anyway.
Sirius could tell that her silence was worrying lily. On the other hand, Lily had been surprisingly forgiving for the stuff she had pulled with the marauders. Sirius, therefore, found comfort in lily, who would just sit and talk to her. not caring if Sirius did not talk to her in return. It was nice. The only downside was that James kept looking at her while she was with lily. James was probably suspicious of her being so close to lily now, or maybe he was angry that Sirius had not tried to befriend Lily earlier so she could have helped him with his crush.
Finally, the next full moon had come, so Sirius could start the next step of her Animagus transformation. She had already gathered the mill due and the moth cocoon. All she and to do was add all the ingredients together along with her own hair.

In the meantime, Sirius started talking again, not as much as she used to. She just knew that she would not feel true happiness again until ifshe had to earn Remus's forgiveness and the rest of the marauders too. Sirius planned to become Animagus as soon as she could. Sure she could help Remus with his transformation secretly or start hanging around the marauders once she did. Sirius missed them so very much. She wanted to apologise to them, but she feared she was too late. The marauders had grown so close that she had started considering them as her family, not the Blacks. Everything felt all wrong without them. Yet all she could think about was how happy she had been with her life the way it was. How was she going to fix this?

She had to stay strong as she waited for a thunderstorm to come so she could finish the transformation. Sirius wondered what she would turn into. Would she become a cat like Professor McGonagall? or would she be some sort of bird where she could fly high and be free. No, she wanted to be something useful for moony, something big enough to run around with him in his wolf form but not too big as to scare or threaten the wolf.

Sirius wasn't sure how long it was going to take. She did not want to want too long until lighting would come. Unbeknownst to Sirius, Lily was planning something to try to cheer her knewest friend up. Lily was sure there was a way to stop Sirius from shutting herself off. Maybe lily thought she could have a big party like the ones that often happen after quidditch matches. Lily could distinctly remember one party where all that Sirius did was dance with Remus and James. She never usually joins these parties. Especially after that one time when her friends convinced him to sing along with the others in the Gryffindor common room, and she was dreadful, or at least she thought she was.
Another idea came to mind, and Lily filed away that she could use to force the marauders to forgive Sirius.

When she told Marlene and Dorcus that she wanted to have a party, they both laughed at her but still agreed to help on the condition that they were allowed to bring fire whisky.

Remus didn't know what to think. It hurt him extremely that Sirius would betray him and tell Snape how to get into the whopping willow. It didn't sound like something Sirius would do; she was reckless at times, yes, but she never actively tried to hurt any of her friends. Her telling Snape as a prank just didn't make sense. Why Did she lie about why she told Snape? What could have made her tell Snape? There was that time in the hospital wing she had said that she was there because she had been nervous about what Snape was going to do, but that did not explain the blood. Madam Pomfrey had told Sirius that the bleeding would happen if she moved, which was not a calming draft's side effect. What else could have been wrong with Sirius for her to have to go to the hospital wing. Sirius had been oddly quiet, too, barely talking to anyone. Professor McGonagall had asked him why she had started behaving in class, but he had no answer to give her.

That night there was a thunderstorm. Remus was the only one left in the common room. He was not paying attention to the storm raging outside, just quietly enjoying a book he had almost finished. When he heard the sound of footsteps, he looked up to see Sirius.

Sirius was not surprised by Remus still being up, but she hoped he wouldn't ask why she was going out during the storm.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked. Of course, he had asked.

"I was having trouble falling asleep; I'm just going for a walk."

"In this weather?"

"Yes?"

"It is not safe to go out with the storm Black."

"I'll be fine," Sirius said, her voice devoid of tone. Before sneaking out of the portrait hole. Black, Remus had called her Black. She would be fine as long as she could earn Remus's forgiveness. Sirius would eventually be fine.

Sirius didn't like thunder on the best of nights. It reminded her too much of the times her parents locked her in her room when she cried during thunderstorms as a child. The rain pelted her face as she snuck around to get to the potion. She was lucky enough only to have a scare with Mrs Norris before making it to the place she had stored her potion.

The potion had turned blood red, a good sign that it was ready to sign that it was prepared to consume. Sirius remembered that in all the books that; James, Peter and herself had read that this stage shouldn't be done alone. That she could get stuck as her transformed self, but Sirius felt as if she had no other option.

The crimson liquid felt like Sirius had poured boiling water down her throat. She felt as if she was going to die. Sirius could even see the white light. Suddenly a huge hulking figure moved in front of her. It had dark black fur covering its body and sharp canine teeth.

"Moony?" She asked

The dog came closer, and she could see it wasn't moony. The books on Animagus had described a vision of your animal form. Was that it? Her Animagus from? The sound of two hearts bound in her ears, and everything went blank.

Chapter Text

Sirius awoke to the flash of lightning, and she could not help but flee, her four paws hitting the ground in quick succession as she ran from the loud noise. Although Sirius was far away from the castle, she could smell the lingering of last night’s feast. She could smell leather, wood, books, grass, and Remus. Sirius could smell Remus through the rain and everything else she could smell him.

“Black? where are you?” Sirius heard Remus call

I’m here, she tried to shout, but it came out like a bark? It was then she realised she had transformed. It hit her so suddenly that she stopped in her tracks. She couldn’t let Remus see her. Sirius looked around, looking for someplace to hide. There was a bush not too far away, so she dove inside just in time to see Remus.

“Black? Are you out here” he shouted as he surveyed his surrounding.

“Black, this isn’t a prank; right to get me out into the cold, right?” Remus shouted

Sirius couldn’t let Remus think that she had tricked him into coming out in the cold as a prank to make him miserable. she needed to transform back end of her normal self. She tried to remember what the book had said about transforming back. The book had said that a person trying to become an Animagi Needed to be perfectly aware of oneself to transform and transform back. So she focussed; on her toes, then her and then her knees and their hips and her back and her waist, her shoulders in her arms or elbows in her fingertips, and her face. Unfortunately, this transmission wasn’t nearly as smooth as her first. Since she was now conscious, It was painful as she felt her legs elongate, her hips twist back into an upright position as her fur disappeared, and her snout shortened.
It must have been a few minutes before she came back to herself. She looked up, looking for Remus; he was much closer now. Sirius was about to go up to him and explain that she was just going on a walk, but then there was a Flash, and then BOOM! She had forgotten the lightning storm that was raging around them. It made her scream out in Fright, as her recently transformed back state was sensitive, and she was unfamiliar with the transformation as a whole.

“Sirius?” Remus said, making Sirius turn towards him.

Their eyes met, and Sirius couldn’t help herself as she began to cry.

“If you’re trying to get me to forgive you, crying in the rain isn’t going to work.”

“I’m sorry for making you come out here; you can go inside. I’ll be fine on my own,” she said. She wasn’t going to apologise for telling Snape until Remus was ready.

“No, your not. I know you’re afraid of the lightning,” Remus sighed “just let me help you inside”, he continued offering his hand to her. Sirius took it, and Remus pulled her to her feet.

“Remus?” Sirius said a question on her lips. She couldn’t understand why Remus would care about her being afraid enough to come help. Sirius also did not understand why Remus hadn’t let go of her hand.

“What is it, Sirius?” Remus replied

“Why are you here helping….. me?” she asked.

“Because I’m not a monster,” he said

Sirius smiled at Remus. It was good to hear him speak again. His hand tightened around hers as he turned around to look at her.

“What?”

“Sorry, just glad you think that too,” she said

“Too? Don’t you think I’m a monster? “

“Of course not. You fold your socks; sorry for not shaking in my boots,” she laughed “why would you think I thought that of you?” Sirius said Remus, however, didn’t need to answer. The look in his eyes told her why.

Remus dropped her hand before they entered the Gryffindor common room. They enter separately, and they head up to their respective dorm rooms in silence. She closed the door behind her as quietly as possible, pressing her back into the door behind her. It was then she realised she was being watched. A quick scan of the room told her that Lily was awake. Sirius bolted from the washroom, not wanting to explain. But, of course, she heard the washroom door open behind her.

“Sirius? Are you okay? When did you get up? “

Sirius just shook her head.

“Do you want to talk about it?

Another shake

“I was planning that next weekend, not this weekend; we’d thought we would throw a party in the common room. Would you be up to join us?”

Sirius shrugged her shoulders.

“it’s going to be on Saturday……. They’ll be Firewiskey. “Lilly said

Sirius shrugged her shoulders again.

“All right, I’ll leave you be,” lily said before exiting the washroom alone once more.

Sirius appreciated Lilly’s understanding. She had so much to think about; with her being able to transform now, she could now be with Remus when he changed on the Full moon, which was three days' time, just enough time to get some practice in.

The next day after classes finished, she headed for the trees behind the quidditch pitch. No one was practising on the pitch, so she had the place to herself. Sirius readied herself; she pictured the black dog in her mind willing her body to transform. Sirius could feel herself start to transform, but nothing; she still was human.
It took hours for Sirius to finally transform, and she took off running, enjoying the freedom it gave her mind. She wasn’t Sirius black when she was like this. Her thoughts felt less complex and easy to understand.
Sirius could totally understand why dogs act the way that they do; she felt too free. Once Sirius had run to her heart’s content. She went back to her secluded spot to transform back. It, in turn, took Sirius some time to transform back, but practice makes perfect, so she continued to try to transform and de-transform. Sirius practised until the ebbing darkness of the night sky became too much for her.
On her way back, she noticed a figure pacing by the door's entrance, blocking her path. At a distance she was, she could not see the person's face, but his familiar stride made it clear to Sirius who exactly it was.
Snape, had he known she had not gone to dinner, had he noticed her absence and gone after her or worst of all, had he seen her practising her transformation. Sirius changed course, following the stone wall of the castle. Snape blocked the only door she could get into the castle without anyone noticing. Sirius knew the only way she could get inside was to confront him. She got as close as she could, hiding behind a corner, her heart beating a mile a minute.
Snape scared her. She did not want to get any closer to him. She checked her pockets, sighing in relief when she felt her wand. Sirius tried to ready herself to face Snape; Sirius had done her best to avoid Snape since he had used her. So when she did, she could help but press herself into the wall behind her.

[TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER]

“Black? Fancy seeing you here out so late and alone again.” Snape smirked, looking at Sirius as she cowered in fear. Sirius pulled out her wand and pointed at Snape’s Face. Snape smiled didn’t falter as he watched Sirius shake.
“D-don’t get any closer!” Sirius said, her voice too small to sound anywhere close to threatening
“What afraid I might make you feel so good again.”

“W-what I did n-not enjoy-”

“Well, of course, you did,” Snape cut her off. “Did you forget how loud you screamed for me, how wet I made you?”

“I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t like it.”

“Did you forget how good it felt as a came inside you”

“STUPIFY!” Sirius casted

Sirus ran, not looking to see how effective her spell was. She just ran; inside the castle, up the stairs and into toward the Gryffindor common room. Where she ignored the remaining students as she slowed her pace as she walked up to her dorm room, where she collapsed onto her bed.
Sirius was surprised by how scared she was of Snape, and even as she had stunned him, all she could think of was how he was going to hurt her even more because she had attacked him. Sirius was so exhausted, not only because she had run from snape but because she had also transformed so many times today. The last thought Sirius had before she fell asleep was that she hoped she had enough practising transforming so she could keep Remus company on the upcoming full moon.

Chapter Text

Sirius looked out a window in the common room. The sun was about to set, and Remus had already left for the hospital wing. Sirius was debating when she would go to the shrieking shack; if she went before Remus, she would run into Remus before he transformed, and he would stress about hurting The dog, but if she went after, she might risk being jumped by the wolf. Would the wolf jump her? If she were transformed, she would risk it. She wouldn’t make Remus worry about her.

When she saw Madame Pomfrey and Remus cross the school grounds. Sirius snuck out of the common room. She didn’t rush herself. She couldn’t afford to be caught when she was outside. She hid behind and transformed. The black dog bounded down toward the whomping willow; for her, it was like lighting was flowing through her in nervous excitement. She’d never seen a werewolf before. What would Remus look like?

She could see the whomping willow now. Sirius zigged and zagged through the branches that whipped around her. Sirius’s new form was able to duck and swerve. She got to the knot with little difficulty. When the tree froze, Sirius quickly descended the passageway.

The black dogs’ nails clicked against the wood floor of the shack; it looked like any other home. It was properly furnished too. Although it looked like a hurricane had passed through, she couldn’t focus on that because all she could hear was screaming. Remus was transforming, alone. Sirius ran up the stairs. Remus was curled up on himself, and she kept her distance. Sirius couldn’t move. Remus was in pain. It hurt her just to watch him like this. Remus’s body contorted, stretching in strange ways, his clothes ripped and fur started to appear. Sirius couldn’t watch. She closed her eyes and waited for the screaming to stop.

After a few agonising minutes, she could only hear a small whining sound. She opened her eyes to see a large grey wolf; it was now or never. Sirius took a step forward, and suddenly, golden eyes were on her; she got as small as she could So she would not seem threatening to the wolf in front of her. Remus’s hulking form crowded itself into a corner. The wolf was scared of her.
Sirius moved slowly toward the wolf, the wolf growled as she got closer, and she stopped for a moment and she waited for the wolf to stop; she wanted to show the wolf that she wasn’t going to hurt him, and this made the wolf stop. The wolf moved closer to her, sniffing the air as he got closer. Did the wolf recourse her? The wolf pushed it
Face into her neck. The wolf huffed, and she carefully moved away to lick the wolf’s face.
‘I love you’, Sirius wanted to say. She wondered if she could talk to the wolf. They were both canines. After all
‘
“Hello,” she said

“Who are you?” the wolf said

“Don’t you recognise me?” she said giddily with her success.
,
“You smell familiar, but l don’t know who you are?” the wolf asked.

Who was she to the wolf? She thought Remus she was his friend, she loved him, the boy and the wolf. But could she be honest with the wolf?

“I’m your pack,” Sirius said

“my pack?” the wolf said

“yes, I’m sorry I took so long to come to you.”

The wolf didn’t answer. Instead, it knelt down, keeping its backing in the air and asking for play. Sirius was so happy she could cry. They started to run around the shack, running up and down the stairs; Sirius and the wolf were like puppies in a room filled with toys. The wolf picked up a broken chair leg properly from a previous moon. For a moment, Sirius forgot what was going on around her; she hadn’t run away last summer, her bother was still talking to her, James, Peter and Remus didn’t hate her, Snape hadn’t...

Sirius froze as it rushed back to her, the illusion broken. The wolf stopped noticing her distress. The wolf walked back to her.

“Are you okay,” asked the wolf.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“How awake are you when the moon is not full?”

“why are you asking.”

“Will Remus know if l tell you something”

“no, only if I told him what happened?”

“Do you remember when a human got in here”

“yes, I didn’t catch him, though; I don’t know how they got in here?”

“He got in here because of me. He attacked me and did a thing to make me talk.”

The wolf walked up to Sirius sitting in front of her; Sirius looked up at the wolf. The wolf was nothing like she expected. The wolf acted like Remus; it was kind of surprising to Sirius. Sirius thought the wolf would be meaner, as much as much Remus and the wolf
fought.

“What did he do to you.”

“He, things - he, they weren't nice things.”

“What did he do to you.”

“He”

“I’m your pack. I would never abandon you.”

“He took advantage of me. I had no way to defend myself; l didn’t want -”

“HE RAPED YOU?!”

The wolf was on her in an instant, sniffing harshly; Sirius flinched at the sudden invasion of her space, and the wolf noticed it seemed to anger him.

“He did. HOW DARE HE? I’LL KILL HIM.”

Sirius didn’t move, watching the wolf fume.

“You’re not his; he can’t touch you!”

The wolf took one look at a table that was in the middle of the room, taking a swipe at it and knocking one off. The wolf didn’t let the table even touch the ground before attacking another table leg; the wolf grabbed it, shaking it violently. Sirius moved, finally pushing her head into the wolf’s side, causing the wolf to falter.

“Please stop,” she asked softly.

The wolf listened, putting the table leg down. Then, the wolf moved so he could look at Sirius.

“Follow me”

“Ok”

The wolf led Sirius through the shack. Sirius didn’t understand the wolf’s reaction. Sirius wonders if she told Remus the truth. Would Remus not feel disgusted by her if he knew? The wolf turned to make sure Sirius was still following him, and seeing that she was, he headed up the stairs. Sirius followed the wolf, unsure of the wolf’s plans; she followed as he turned into the bedroom. The wolf hopped up on the bed on the bed. Sirius froze; what did the wolf want?

“Please come; let’s go to sleep.” The wolf said

Sirius tentatively jumped up on the bed, the wolf curled up on the bed, and Sirius curled up next to him. The wolf put one of its arms around her pulling her closer to him. Sirius yipped, and the sudden closeness scared her. What was he going to do? The wolf didn’t move; he let Sirius get used to him.

“Is this okay?” the wolf asked.

“y-yeah, it is okay”, Sirius replied

Sirius wouldn’t say it now, but she liked the feeling of him surrounding her. It felt like he was protecting her. Yet, something was still drawing her attention.

“Can you smell him on me?”

“Not exactly. I can smell that you’ve been through something, but no, do not smell him.”

“Thank Merlin”, Sirius sobbed.

That is where they stated, the wolf around her as she sobbed. It was an odd sensation being comforted by a werewolf. If only her mother could see her now.

Chapter Text

Remus woke feeling much better than he usually did, but he could still feel fur. Remus’s eyes shot open to see his own flesh-coloured hands. Remus sighed with relief as he came to his senses; he was right about the fur though it wasn’t his fur. Instead, a big black dog was sleeping next to him.

“Hey, there, how did you get in here?” Remus said, gently touching the fur on the dog’s back, trying to wake the dog. The dog woke with a start; the dog looked at Remus like it wasn’t expecting him to be there.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said. The dog relaxed, seeing Remus wasn’t a threat to it. But, unbeknownst to Remus, the dog wasn’t thinking what he thought it was.

‘Oh, Merlin,’ Sirius thought. ‘Remus is naked’ she felt like she could die of embarrassment. Sirius looked into Remus’s face; he looked at her with such kindness for a minute Sirius thought Remus had forgiven her. Then she felt Remus’s hand on her back, her distinctly furry back; she was still transformed; of course, Remus was looking at her like that because he didn’t know it was her.

“Hey Remus, are you awake yet” a familiar voice called out. The rest of the marauders were here. So madame Pomfrey was still letting them pick Remus up in the morning after the moon. The pang of sadness was too much.

“Upstairs!” Remus Called out as Remus moved to cover himself before his friends arrived. Sirius took this opportunity to jump off the bed.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to scare you off,” Remus said, but as much as it hurt Sirius to ignore Remus, who seemed to want her to stay. It would be too obvious to James and Peter that it was her if they saw her. They would know who the dog that joined Remus was during the Full moon. When she exited the room, she quickly moved to the room across from the bedroom, letting James and Peter move into the room without noticing her.

Lily’s party was nothing like Sirius thought it was going to be. Some had managed to sneak in a few bottles of fire whiskey. Sirius wasn’t planning on drinking; she was a very honest drunk, and Sirius feared she would say something she was not prepared to tell anyone yet. Lily, on the other, had finally caved and had a couple of shots of fire whisky. Lily never joined the parties that were held in the common room; not only was she the organizer, but she was fully participating. Sirius watched Lily as she played what looked like truth or dare; Sirius didn’t plan on joining her. Sirius looked over at Remus. Peter, who had somehow managed to convince him to join the group of students dancing in the middle of the room.

“Was this your idea” a voice asked from behind her.

“James!” Sirius jumped at James’ words. James just looked Between Sirius and Remus questioningly before asking.

“Was this your idea, the party?”

“No, you wouldn’t believe whose idea it was even if I told you”, Sirius replied.

“Go ahead and shoot your shot; who was it?” He asked for a moment like he was prompting her to be honest.

“Lily, miss, I don’t party. If you could believe it or not. Things have been too “angsty” for her taste, and she thought throwing a party would help fix that,” She said as she looked over at where Lily was sitting. She was laughing with the others as Dorcus dared Alice to kiss Frank, or at least they presumed, as they couldn’t hear what they were saying.

“Mmm, that sounds true and false.”

“The fire whisky wasn’t her idea.”

“There it is… how- how have you been” James.

“I don’t know.”

“Mum wants me to ask you if you want to come over for Christmas?”

“I’m I aloud to?”

Before James could even respond, Lilly walked up to them clumsily. Then, Lily walked up to Sirius, Lily putting her arms around the other girl’s neck.

“Sirius, come play with us!!” Lily slurred

“I’m not really feeling it today”, Sirius Said

“but your sad?” Lily whined

“A party isn’t going to fix what has already happened,” Sirius told Lily calmly.

“But how I’m I supposed to make you happy? You’ve barely started talking again”, lily pleaded.

“I don’t know, Lils. I appreciate the thought, though, “Sirius told the other girl.

“oh! That reminds me can I complete my Dare? Lily asked

“Sure?” Sirius Said

Lily proceeded to kiss both of her cheeks, saying.

“1-2”

Lily stumbled back as Sirius stood frozen. Lily paid no attention as she stumbled into James, standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheeks as she continued to say

“3-4”

Before trying to wander off but Sirius caught her by the arm.

“Eh, eh, Lily, not a safe dare.” Sirius chastised

“Wha-? Why, oh yeah yeah, men,” Lilly giggled “they’d try and steal my first kiss,” she said, wobbling.

“I didn’t take you for someone who cared about first kisses. What saving yourself for James?” Sirius joked,

“W-what, no, I would never kiss someone who believes ridiculous lies and abandons his friends!” Lily stated. Sirius looked at James to see his reaction; James furrowed his brow, his eyes darting from her and Lily.

“It’s not like he knows it was a lie. Now shut up, Lils,” Sirius said through gritted teeth.

“That’s where the ridiculous lie comes In! Uh oh, I don’t feel so good,” Lily said before leaning over and vomiting.

“Woah!” Sirius and James said in unison

“I think you’ve had enough to drink, Evens,” James said

“Come, Lily let me take you back to our dorm so you can get cleaned up”, Sirius Said

“Noo hic oooo “, Lily cried, leaning into Sirius.

“Oi Lily, you’re heavy; get off”, Sirius said.

“I wanna stay-“Lily whined.

“Hey, James, can you please help me take her to the stairs for the girl’s dorms”

“Sure”

Sirius put her arm under Lily’s, and James did the same, and they moved slowly towards the stairs. James kept looking over at Sirius. It was making Sirius uncomfortable, so she looked away. She regretted looking because as soon as she did, her eyes met with Remus, who’d stop dancing to watch them cross the room. What was he thinking? Sirius hoped Remus wouldn’t get upset with James for talking and helping her. James dropped Lily’s arm gently when they reached the bottom of the stairs.

“I’ll clean the vomit up, you guys; don’t worry about it,” he said

Remus watched as James, Lily, and Sirius crossed the room. He watched as James let Sirius and Lily head up to the girl’s dormitory and when James cleaned up the mess Lily had made. Remus wanted to forgive Sirius, he really did, but he couldn’t because she had betrayed him as a prank. James walks up to him. He looks confused and slightly worried.

“Remus, can I talk to you for a sec,” James asked.

“Sure, what is it” Remus replied

“Come over here,” James said, gesturing to the corner of the room with the least amount of people.

“What is it?” Remus repeated

“You saw what just happened, right?” He said it in a hushed tone

“Just the end. I hope Evens will be okay,” Remus said, matching James’ tone.

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you the short version; so. My mum wanted me to tell Sirius something, so I was talking to her, and Lily approached us to get Sirius to join; apparently, she organized the party because she wanted to cheer Sirius up. Apparently, she stopped talking for a while; she’d also been dared to do something, so she kissed Sirius and me,” James rambled.

“She kissed you?!”

“On the cheek, but get this, when she left to complete the rest of the dare, Sirius stopped her, and she mentioned she hadn’t had her first kiss yet!” James said quickly

“And the point is?”

“I’m getting there; I’m getting there. So Sirius joked that Lily was saving herself for me, and Lily said, and I’m quoting her exactly here,” I would never kiss someone who believes ridiculous lies and abandons his friends!” “

“I still don’t see the point other than she rejected you without you saying anything,” Remus said, getting tired of the conversation.

“She was talking about Sirius; Sirius got defensive when she mentioned lying...” James said, taking a big breath before continuing,

“I don’t think it was a prank.”

Chapter Text

When Sirius joined Remus again on the next full moon just before winter break, it was like the previous moon; they ran up and down the shack, flying up the stairs like they did that first night. Sirius ducked and weaved around the wolf’s legs. When the wolf picked up a table leg properly from a previous moon, she grabbed the other end of the leg and tugged playfully.

Sirius didn’t understand how Remus got hurt during full moons, she didn’t think her presence alone would stop the wolf’s self-destructive action, but as they once again danced around the shack, it was all too clear how much her company tamed the wolf. The wolf was faster and stronger than her, but the wolf was exceedingly gentle with her. Sirius had no qualms about letting the wolf push her around as they played; Sirius felt safe. Sirius and the wolf played until the early hours of the morning before returning to the bedroom. The wolf jumped up on the bed, and Sirius followed, grabbing the edge of the blanket covering the wolf.

“I’m not cold,” said the wolf

“I am,” said the dog as she snuggled underneath the blanket

“Is this okay?” the wolf asked as he reaches around her pulling Sirius to his chest. Sirius pushed into the wolf. She wanted to transform back so she could feel Remus against her skin, but she would have been attacked; she couldn’t be human in front of the wolf.

“Are you okay with me holding you like this?” the wolf asked again, worried by her not answering.

“More than,” Sirius said

They lay there in companionable silence, the wolf curling up even further around the dog. The wolf gave her occasional licks to the back of her neck, reassuring her of his presence.

“Why don’t the other come?” the wolf asked curiously.

“They are not able to right now, but they are trying their best to change that,” Sirius answered.

“Do you know when?” The wolf pushed

“No, sorry,” she said softly.

“That’s okay as long as you’re here”, he murmured into her neck.

The wolf was enveloping her as they talked. It felt so right to be here in Moony’s arms. She wanted to tell Remus that she was joining him on the moon. Would he react as the wolf did? Sirius was so desperate to have Remus and the other marauders back. She could last without them. She had agreed to come back to the Potter’s for Christmas, but she didn’t plan on joining any of the festivities, especially if Remus was there. She didn’t want to ruin anything from her just being there.

When Remus woke the next morning still wrapping around the dog, Remus was surprised that the dog had joined him again. Remus had assumed that the dog had just wandered into the shack. However, that thought did not seem true anymore. The dog had come back. Had the dog stayed with him all night, or had it just joined him in the morning? Remus did not know; the dog was still sleeping. Remus watched as the dog breathed in and out. Remus noticed that the dog’s fur was the same colour as Sirius’s hair. He really missed Sirius; Sirius’s betrayal had not changed the way he felt about her. Remus wished it did. He knew Sirius hadn’t told Snape as a prank. So why? Why did she tell him? He and James had continued their conversation after Lily’s party.
They had concluded that either Sirius had deliberately told Snape for some unknown reason, or Snape had done something to her that forced her to tell him how to get into the shack. According to James, Sirius had said that he had roughed her up a bit, but that would explain how Sirius told him unless she lied. There where planning to ask her over winter break. They hoped that with the distance from Hogwarts and only people, she trusted she would be more honest.

“Awake, moony?” Remus heard James call out

“We brought snacks!” Peter’s yelled

“I’m upstairs”, Remus yelled out.

Remus heard the footsteps coming up the stairs as his friends listened to his call. He looked down at the dog, who was still asleep even after the yelling that made the dog run off the last time. James and Peter came through the door just as Remus was sitting up.

“Good morning Remus how are you feeling?” James asked

“Alright”, Remus grunted.

“We brought some warm clothes too. I bet you are cold,” Peter said, offering some comfy clothes.

“Thanks, Pete,” Remus said as the others turned around to give him privacy as he pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a jumper.

“How are you feeling,” asked James

“I’m sore as all hell, but the dog I told you about came back. I think it spent the whole night with the wolf.”

“Really, how did you get in here?”

“Is it still here?”

“Yeah,” Remus said, lifting the edge of the covers and revealing the large black dog. Remus started to pet the dog. The dog opened its eyes, and it looked around to notice
The dog looks from Remus to James and Peter. He looked into the dog’s eye as if it had been caught rooting through the garbage and was being scolded. The dog sat up it kept looking around, and Peter cued

“Merlin, that dog is so cute.”

“It kind of looks like a grimm”, James noted

Remus scratches behind the dogs in a comforting manner in hopes of cheering up the dog. The dog flinched.

“Oh, we are friendly. Are you not used to so many people,” Remus said in a silly voice. The dog pretended to relax, although the humans around the dog did not notice. James sat on the other side of the dog. Reaching out to pet the dog’s back.

“Hey Pete did you grab those little sandwiches,” James asked, but Peter hadn’t moved.

“Pete?”

“James, the missing mandrake leaves.”

“What?”

“the missing mandrake leafs”

“What are you guys on about?”

“Umm, we uh, we were working on”, James sighed “we are planning on becoming on become animagis so we can join you during the full moon.”

“And someone stole some of the mandrakes we were growing leaves a couple of months ago.”

The dog suddenly got up, running out of the room. James and Peter exchanged glances at each other. Remus just looked between them, not really realising that the dog had left.

“That confirms it,” Peter said

“Woah woah, you are planning to become an illegal animagi to join me during the full moon. Do you know how dangerous that is? And what confirms what?”

James and Peter looked at each other again; they did know how to tell Remus what they were thinking.

“Um, the dog, it might be; we think it could be”, Peter stuttered.

“The dog is Sirius.”

“WHAT?! Are you sure?”

“Well, Lilly said that Sirius stopped talking; she must have been trying to keep the mandrake leaf in her mouth!”

“And you said that she went out in a thunderstorm even though she is scared of thunder and lightning!”

“Those could have been steps on becoming an animaagi, and how did the dog get in here? There are charms to keep everything out, which means they got past the willow, and not many people know how to get past the willow and know where we were growing the mandrake leaves. Other than us, only Sirius knows. Meaning, Sirius spent the last two full moons with you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. We should go ask her.”

With that decision, they moved out of the shack, very gingerly in Remus’s case, and made it up to the castle. The air seemed sharp as the winter air bit at their skin. The three boys trudged up toward the castle. They could not see Sirius as they walked. The group wondered where she had gone. The boys hoped she had gone inside, as James and Peter knew Remus was more sensitive to the cold after transforming.

Inside Hogwarts school were students heading to breakfast and getting ready to leave for winter break. and getting ready to leave for winter break.

“Does anyone know any of Sirius’s hiding places?”

“Astronomy tower?”

“There’s an empty classroom by the library; maybe she’s in there.”

“Let’s head towards the library first and then head to the Astronomy tower.”

The walk was rather subdued, each boy rather quiet as they walked. They could feel something was coming. What they did not know, but they could feel it. Lily walked around the corner, her eyes scanning the hallway.

“Hey Evens, have you seen Sirius?” Remus asked

“Why?” Lilly asked cautiously

“She -” James started, but then they all heard Sirius’s horrified scream of

“GET AWAY FROM MEEEE!”

The scream rang out and went silent. They all of them turn towards the sound. As they got closer, there could hear sobbing and whimpering. They turn a corner of empty classrooms, but the group could not tell which room, so they open each door one at a time. Then there was another scream.

"Don't touch me!" Sirius yelled

Lilly gasped, and they all rushed towards the last door. The room was almost completely empty except for a large cabinet. Sirius was crumbled in front of it. She was shaking violently, her wand pointing at a figure before her.

Snape.

Chapter Text

The four of them stood there for only a moment; as they looked on, Snape hadn’t looked up; his attention was still on Sirius. Sirius did not notice them either; her eyes were almost comically wide, and she couldn’t keep her wand arm straight. Sirius's other hand clutched her robe, trying to cover herself from Snape's gaze.

Lily was first to move; she ran before Snape, pointing her wand at him. The boys were right behind her. Snape’s eye shifted to Lily, and then Snape wasn’t standing there anymore. It was a blonde girl.

“I HATE YOU, LILY!!! YOU’RE A FREAK, LILY!!!! I NEVER EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!!” the girl screeched.

“Ri- ridiculous”, Lily cried.

It was a bogart; the blonde girl shifted, wearing a cartoony black dress, a cloak, and a pointed witch’s hat. James moved in front of Lily, and the bogart turned to become a myriad of familiar bodies that littered the floor. The cry of “ Ridiculous” rang out, and the pattern continued.

Peter moved just as quickly, not letting the Bogert rest. Remus did not run to fight the creature; instead, he knelt before Sirius. He uses his own body to block Sirius's view of the bogart. With a lot of effort, they started trying to beat back the bogart. Lily, James, and Peter formed a line. In front of Sirius, Remus kneeled before her, holding her close to his chest, whispering quiet words of comfort and praise.

“It is all right; it is not real, Sirius”, Remus queued, brushing her hair that had fallen into disarray behind her ear.

“You are so brave.” Remus continued turning Sirius's chin up gently to make her look into his eyes.

“I’m sorry”, Sirius cried, averting her eyes from Remus's gaze.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, Sirius continued to sob.

“Sirius, please look at me”, Remus pleaded.

“ I'm s-sorry, Remus. I didn’t want to tell him, please,” Sirius whimpered.

“Shh shh, I believe you, I believe you, Sirius,” Remus said as Sirius finally met his; she gasped and pulled herself closer to Remus.

“Ridiculous!” Peter called out quickly, followed by the sound of the cabinet doors slamming shut. Sirius whimpered at the loud sound. All attention was then moved to Sirius as the Bogart was firmly locked away.

“ Sirius, what happened?” Lilly asked, placing her hand gently on Sirius's back. Sirius flinched at Lily's hand; Lily removed her hand quickly, but not in a way that would startle the other girl. Sirius, we’re still sobbing, unable to speak, so Remus spoke up.

“ umm, Lily, do you know how I am always in the hospital wing?” Remus said cautiously.

“ Yeah, because of the accident when you were little?” Lily replied.

“ Yes, well, you see, Lily, I’m.” Remus looked away for a moment.

“ I’m a werewolf, Lily”, Remus told her nervously.

“ I spend the full moon in the shrieking shack. It’s not really haunted the shrieking everyone’s hearing; it’s just me during the full moon, and” Remus looked at Peter And James for a second for support.

“ Someone’s been breaking in and leaving him food and blankets for him for when he wakes up, and we didn’t know who”, Peter said

“We caught Sirius dropping things off, and she ran; she must have tried to hide in the cabinet, not realising there was a Boggart it.” James finished.

“Oh, uh.” Lily blinked at a loss for words. She decided to focus on the shivering girl still in front of her.

“ That’s very kind of you, Sirius, bringing stuff to Remus after the full moon.”

Sirius only sniffed and wiped her eyes in response. No one spoke. It was clear that there was a question that needed to be answered.

“ why is Snape your greatest fear?” Remus asked

Sirius kept her mouth shut, shaking her head, refusing to answer Remus, curling further into Remus, trying to hide from the question.

“Do- do they not?” Lily asked, trying not to give anything away

“N-no, how could I tell them ?” Sirius mumbled

“What happened? What did Snape do?” James asked softly

Sirius shook her head, not answering James.

“Sirius, please, could you tell us what happened between you and Snape?" James urged

"I can't, I just can’t”, Sirius whined.

"I- Lily, I can’t, can you, can you?” Sirius mumbled

“Do you want me to tell them for you?” Lily asked

Sirius nodded, detaching herself from Remus.

“Yes, please.” Sirius nodded

“He- are you sure, Sirius,” Lily said reassuringly.

Sirius nodded again

“He assaulted her”, Lily continued.

“He hit her?”Peter said

Lily looked at Peter with a look that was almost pitting but not answering him, just looking at Sirius for permission to go into further detail.

“No, he um, this is going to sound a bit harsh, but he, he raped her”, Lily said

A clattering of indignant rage suddenly poured out of the boys.

“How dare he!” Remus growled

“When did he, when did did, oh Sirius? Why didn't you tell us,” James said softly.

“ Because because,” Sirius stutter

“Why don’t we go back to the tower? It'll feel safer for, right Sirius?” Lily said as she timidly urged them to move out of the room with the Bogart. Sirius replied timidly.

“Yes”

The walk toward the Gryffindor Tower was slow; everyone was in the dining hall enjoying breakfast, and they could hear the bustling cheer of Christmas. It was an excellent relief from the room with the bogart. Sirius was being supported by Remus and James, who walked in front of them to keep an eye out for other students walking in the hallways, and Lily and Peter took up the rear. As they walked further, Peter broke off, promising to bring them breakfast.

“ I’ll meet you up in the tower; I'll bring as much as I can,” he said

“All right, make sure to grab some blueberry muffins; they're Sirius's favourite”, James told him.

Once they got to the portrait of the fat lady, the small group crowded into a small corner of the room, ensuring Sirius was out of view from everyone else in the common room. The group stayed there for a while, and Peter eventually joined them with an assortment of muffins and other sweets.

They stayed there for most of the day as there were no more classes until after the winter holidays. They only leave to go to lunch. They asked Sirius if she wanted to stay, but Sirius refused.

“ I don't want people to ask questions,” she said

However, they made sure that Sirius would have anyone sit down next to her, with James on her right and Remus on her left, Peter and Lily sitting across from them, blocking Sirius's view of the Slytherin table.

After Lunch, they all returned to they went back to the common room, Marlene and Dorcus joining them for a giant game of exploding snap, which eventually shifted off to a wizard chess tournament after they noticed Sirius flinched at the loud bangs.

It wasn’t until well after dinner that Lily and the other members of Gyfinndor excused themselves, and James, Rumus, and Peter were able to ask the questions that they did not ask in front of the others.

“When did you become an animagus? James asked

“Two months ago”

“Why would you do that for me? We were all mad at you back then.” Remus asked

“Because I I I wanted you to forgive me”, Sirius said, her eyes focused on Remus.

“How would would I know?”

“I don't know. I thought the wolf might've told you I was staying with him.”

“How would the wolf inside Remus know?” Peter questioned

“Because I told him the truth that first moon I spent with Remus.”

“You can talk to my wolf?"

“Yeah?”

Remus looked at Sirius, and it made Sirius shiver as if he had a million questions. Eventually, they moved to the boy's dormitory, and they began to catch up on the months they were apart. Sirius did not go back to the girl's dorm that night; instead, she slept with Remus in his bed, and Remus asked her questions about what the wolf was like until they both fell asleep.