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Yasper never wanted things to get so out of hand. He never meant for Aniq to be a suspect, and he certainly did not want Aniq to look at him with such disgust, such shame as he did just seconds ago. Aniq was looking at him like he wasn’t the same Yasper that sacrificed his future just so he could be with Aniq. Okay, maybe he was being a bit dramatic, but you get the point…
To Yasper Aniq was, well quite literally, everything. He was like his personal sunshine that no one but him appreciated. To everybody else Aniq was a weirdo, they didn’t get him in high school and they didn’t see him now either, at least not like Yasper did. Yasper saw Aniq for all he was, and he adored every single thing there was to cherish about him.
So to see Aniq look down on him, acting like he suddenly didn’t recognise the person standing in front of him broke Yasper’s heart. He couldn’t take it, couldn’t take all the judging stares, people looking at him like he was crazy, like Xavier actions were completely justified and somehow Yasper weren’t, like he was the villain. How could he be the villain when he was just defending himself, seeking the fame he so rightfully deserved, after all he soared on attention even in high school. And Aniq, of all people, had to understand that, he just had to. He was there for the birth of Skape Diem, for his catchphrase “How great is this party?”, he was there for each and every concert, supporting his friend. But now, suddenly he forgot about those. He forgot all the nights he spent helping Yasper coming up with the right words for a new piece of lyrics he was working on. He forgot how they always had each other’s back, to Yasper’s continuous attempts at setting him up with Zoe even if it broke his heart in the process. He didn’t seem to remember all the time that Yasper spent listening to Aniq complain about Zoe , offering him advice and never asking for anything in return.
But what hurt perhaps the most was the fact that Aniq forgot how Yasper ended his band, his relationship, his future for him. And while technically Aniq never asked him to do that one look at him was enough. Yasper saw how Aniq looked at Eugene, he knew what he thought of him. Eugene needed to be adored, he needed to be accepted, Yasper needed all those as well, but he valued Aniq’s attention and approval more than anything. He knew the moment he ended everything he was setting himself up for failure, for heartbreak, after all Aniq would never love him like he did, he would never give up his life for another person. Aniq was his own boss, he followed his own rules and he never cared what other thought of him, part of the reason why Yasper found himself falling for him. So by knowing Aniq he knew, realistically, that he should never expect his feelings to be reciprocated, but he still had his hopes. He clung onto them tight, especially at nights when Aniq had too much to drink and became more affectionate than usual, mistaking Yasper for Zoe. He kept these memories close to him knowing that’s the only way he’ll ever have him.
He knew his feelings and Aniq’s all too well, yet he still felt betrayed when Aniq turned against him. He still felt his heart break even though he knew it was coming, he had been preparing for it, but it still hurt like a bitch. In the end, he was happy for Aniq, so happy he finally was seen for all his worth, so elated he got his happy ending, even if it meant he had to take the fall. Even if it meant he would spend the rest of his days alone in a cold, dark cell, his only source of happiness away from him.