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It wasn't supposed to happen like this, none of it was. Aang defeated the Firelord and with Katara's help Zuko had defeated Azula but what happened after.. what happened after changes everything.
In the weeks leading up to Sozin's comet Zuko had been distracted; between training Aang, mentally preparing himself to fight his sister and trying to ignore his ever growing crush, he'd forgotten a time or two or ten to take his herbs. Uncle Iroh had come up with a special tea blend for him years ago to combat the effects of his cycle, keeping his heat at bay and dampening his scent.
Missing doses of his tea coupled with a bolt of lightning to the chest and some waterbender healing sent Zuko straight into a long overdue heat.
He had them brew him a cup of his tea, hoping and begging the spirits that it would stop his heat, but Zuko has never been that lucky. By morning he was panting and crying, covered in sweat and slick begging for help.
Aang was already bound to Katara, despite not truly being mated yet and Toph hasn't presented yet, the only alpha allowed close to him is Sokka; the one person Zuko simultaneously wants as close as possible and just as far away.
--
His heat ends after a few days, he only remembers bits and pieces; flashes of blue eyes and soft touches along with a constant undercurrent of burning arousal.
Within a week everyone leaves the fire nation, intent on going home, but before they leave Zuko is publicly crowned as the new Firelord. They all promise to send letters and visit whenever possible, he doesn't expect them to follow through, after all he was never really their friend, just someone to teach Aang fire bending.
With uncle Iroh's help he sets in motion the rebuilding of the nations, making up for everything his father and the fire nation had done. The weeks slip by without Zuko even realizing, he spends his days in meetings with the council and his advisors, he holds a court of sorts twice a week and hears the plights of his people. Zuko has dinner with uncle every night and uncle brews him a cup of tea, his special blend each night to be sure Zuko does not go into heat again.
If it were to become public knowledge that the Firelord is an omega, there would be another uprising, one born out of hatred and disgust for an omega leader, especially an unmated one. It could go one of two ways, he would be forced to take a mate, someone of high standing and prestige or he would be forced into an Agni Kai with anyone who wanted to take the crown from him, so long as he won he would be fine, he would stay the Firelord, losing wouldn't be an option, he would lose his crown and everything he'd worked so hard to change.
So when he wakes up nauseous every single morning and his belly begins to swell, he hides it. He hates wearing the heavy traditional robes but he endures them every day, through the nearly unbearable heat of the fire nation, after traveling for so long chasing after the avatar has affected him, his body needs time to reacclimate itself to the climate.
He pointedly ignores how his body is changing, how his belly swells, the nausea and vomiting, the food aversions and worst of all how his bending abilities fluctuate; one minute he can bend like a master and the next minute he can't even produce even a flicker of a flame.
Zuko sits through meetings hot and uncomfortable and then he eats dinner alone in his chambers despite uncle's protests and insistence. Zuko spends all of his free time in his chambers, alone. It's the only time he can be without the heavy robes, he doesn't want anyone to see the subtle curve of his belly.
--
The weeks slip by and become months that slip by, a messenger hawk arrives mid-week informing him that an advisor from the Southern Water Tribe will be arriving within a fortnight. Southern Water Tribe means it could be Katara, Hakoda, or worst of all Sokka. A part of him wants to see Sokka, but the knowledge that the child he's carrying is Sokka's scares him. No one can find out, no one can know that he's pregnant, especially not Sokka.
Sokka's sense of pride and alpha instincts won't allow him to just let Zuko have the baby, he'll want to be a part of their life, and while Zuko's had more than a little crush on Sokka for a while now he doesn't know how they would be able to make a relationship work. He's the Firelord, he can't just leave the fire nation to go live in the south with Sokka, and he's certain that's what Sokka would want.
But maybe it won't be one of them that comes, maybe it will be someone else, someone who doesn't know about him going into heat after the battle - as it stands only Sokka, Katara, Hakoda, Bato, Aang and Toph know. He hasn't even told uncle Iroh, he's too ashamed to admit that he'd been lax and not taken his tea properly. He doesn't want to hear uncle's lecturing, it will all be proverbs and riddles and it's too much for him to handle now.
He hasn't even seen a physician yet, he doesn't know for sure that he's pregnant, he's never had it confirmed, but deep down he knows that he is, he doesn't need a physician to tell him that he's growing a new life inside of him, he doesn't need to be told what herbs and foods he needs to be eating to keep himself and the baby healthy.
--
Zuko spends the next two weeks trying to come up with ways to conceal his pregnancy other than the heavy robes and sequestering himself in his chambers. He has new clothes commissioned but there's no telling if they'll be finished by the time the Southern Water Tribe advisor arrives.
He considers faking an illness, but if the person who shows up is Katara she will insist on checking on him and possibly even using bending to heal him, and even if it's not Katara he knows that if it's Sokka he too will insist on Zuko seeing a physician, so no an illness won't work.
He's going to have to suffer through the entire time in heavy robes, with minimal hiding away in his chambers. Zuko wonders how long the advisor will be staying, the sooner they leave the better, he thinks.
--
Zuko is notified when the Southern Water Tribe ship docks in the harbor, he had planned on meeting them there when they stepped off of the ship, but it seems his child didn't like that idea; he's been in and out of the bathroom all morning throwing up.
"I'll meet them in the throne room." He mumbles through the closed door. Zuko rinses his mouth out, again. He stares at his reflection for a moment then fixes his hair so that it's all smooth and perfect again, before pulling his heavy robes on. Zuko sighs and exits the bathroom to begin the long walk to the throne room, perhaps he should've said he would meet them somewhere closer.
His feet ache and beads of sweat drip from his brow by the time he reaches the throne room. He hears uncle's voice before he sees anyone, but the sound that follows Iroh's voice is one that makes Zuko stop dead in his tracks; Sokka's laugh.
Zuko breathes deeply and tries to calm himself down enough to round the corner and enter the room. He closes his eyes, breaths in through his mouth and out through his nose, and if some steam comes out of his nostrils it's no one's business but his own.
"Zuko!" Sokka yells when he sees him, rushing across the room towards him, excitement apparent in his voice and expression. Zuko wants nothing more than to smile back and be happy to see Sokka but he suddenly feels nauseous again, but that may just be from fear and not the pregnancy. Sokka stops short of him, arms extended as if to pull Zuko into a hug. "Are you alright? You weren't at the dock and now you look.. eh a little green around the gills."
Zuko's nostrils flare, his mouth floods with saliva and he tries not to throw up on Sokka's shoes. "I must've eaten something that didn't agree with me, I'm sorry I wasn't there to welcome you." He grits out, jaw clenched tight.
"Hey, it's alright, if you need to go rest we can catch up tomorrow. From the looks of things I'm gonna be sticking around for a while."
What's that supposed to mean, the looks of things, the looks of what things? Can he just somehow know Zuko's secret through weird alpha instincts or some connection to the child since he's their sire?
"I'll be fine, I have meetings to attend anyway." He brushes past Sokka and goes straight for the throne, he climbs the few steps and sinks down onto the uncomfortable seat. Most days he hates sitting here not only because he doesn't want all of this but because the damned thing is so uncomfortable, there's nothing soft or inviting about it.
"Nephew, I think some rest would do you more good than not."
"I'm fine, uncle." He snaps. "I am the Firelord, I'm not able to take sick days, it's my duty to-"
"If you're sick you should take a break." Sokka interjects. "Zuko, you're not looking so hot, pun not intended by the way, I think you really should go lie down. Let Iroh handle everything for the day."
There's an edge to Sokka's voice that leaves Zuko wanting, wanting to obey, wanting to be cared for, wanting Sokka in general; he hates it. But he doesn't say that, he doesn't argue it, because as much as he wants to and as defiant as he's feeling, he doesn't feel well, he does want to crawl into his nest and be comfortable. Zuko stands and silently walks from the room, Sokka and Iroh call after him but he doesn't stop, nor does he turn to acknowledge them.
Zuko strips out of his heavy outer robes as soon as the doors close behind him, he kicks his shoes off and moves quickly through his chambers until he gets to the small space concealed in the corner. He kneels before crawling into the pile of soft furs, pillows and blankets; he never had a nest when he was little. Especially not on the ship when he was hunting the avatar after he was banished, but once he and uncle Iroh had settled for a while in Ba Sing Se he'd made himself a small nest on the floor in his bedroom, but that too hadn't lasted long. It wasn't until he was crowned as Firelord that he allowed himself to make a proper nest.
The longer he lays in his nest the heavier his eyelids become, he must doze off at some point because the next thing he knows he's being woken up by Sokka.
"C'mon Zuko, you've gotta wake up. I know you're not feeling well but you still need to eat something and it's past dinner time."
Zuko's eyes flutter open all, slowly, he feels disoriented and fuzzy from sleep. How did Sokka even get into his room? He'd explicitly told the guard outside his chambers not to let anyone in unless it was an emergency.
"How are you feeling? You look better than this morning." Sokka says, voice soft and comforting.
It's at that moment that Zuko realizes Sokka - an alpha - is in his nest. "Out, get out." He pushes Sokka backward, "You shouldn't be in my nest." He also realizes that he's not wearing his robes, and the blanket he'd pulled over himself has slid down - his secret is only concealed by the thin black material of his shirt. He yanks the blankets up over himself, not caring that Sokka is still kneeling on them and he falls backwards in the process.
"Woah, Zuko, calm down. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you'd be so upset if I came into your nest, I was just worried about you."
"You're not my alpha and I'm fine, leave!" Zuko yells, voice shaking as tears threaten to fall from his eyes.
"You're not fine, I can smell how distressed you are, I'll get out of your nest, I'm sorry, I should've asked first, I just thought.. it doesn't matter, will you please come out so you can eat the food I brought for you?"
"I don't want anything from you, Sokka. I just want you to go." Zuko hiccups between choked off sobs.
"You don't mean that, Zuko.. I thought after.. I know we didn't.. okay." Sokka pushes himself up off the floor, eyes shining with unshed tears. "I'll uh, I'll just go back to my room. Maybe we can talk about this tomorrow? Please."
Zuko clutches the blankets to his chest, "Go, please just go." He sobs.
Sokka disappears from his sight, but Zuko hears him as he stumbles through the room and out the door.
Zuko cries and cries until he can't cry anymore, he crawls from the nest and spots the tray of food Sokka had brought for him as well as a kettle full of tea. It's all cold by the time Zuko gets to it, but it's not a problem, being a firebender has some perks. He re-heats everything and eats slowly, not wanting to upset his stomach again.
He has no idea what time it is when he's finished eating, but Sokka had said it was past dinner time, looking out the windows doesn't help him much, it's dark and cloudy, the moon is hidden from view. He climbs back into his nest after he's eaten and used the bathroom. He hopes tomorrow will go better than today.
--
Zuko wakes up feeling decidedly better, he doesn't feel nauseous and for once he isn't immediately sweating, the air is cool, he listens as rain patters quietly outside. He sits up in his nest and thinks about what the day will bring, the baby pushing on his bladder is what eventually motivates him to get up.
He uses the bathroom before drawing himself a bath, he heats the water excessively - he hadn't meant to but it seems the baby decided his bending needed a boost - and then strips himself of his clothes while it cools.
Without any clothes on the curve of his belly is even more apparent, he places his palms along the curve. He's been Firelord for five months, it's been five months since Aang took away Ozai's bending and saved them all, five months since Azula nearly killed him, and five months since he went into heat.
He sinks into the warm water and tries to relax, his hands move to his belly again, pressing gently against it. Zuko swears he feels a flutter against his palms, he thinks it's still too early for him to actually feel anything, but maybe not and either way the feeling makes him smile. This baby may not have been planned and he won't be able to claim them in the way he wants, but he still loves them, he loves them more than anything.
Zuko doesn't realize he's crying until the drops begin to hit his hands and belly. He sniffles and tries to calm himself by closing his eyes and breathing the way he does when meditating. It helps after a while, the water has started to go cold, but he can't be bothered to warm it again. He washes his body and then his hair before getting out of the tub.
He dries himself as best as he can before dressing, putting on clothes makes him feel bad again, he's immediately hot despite the cool, rainy day. He pulls his hair up into a tight topknot before putting the Firelord headpiece on - he hates calling it a crown. He swallows harshly, trying to get rid of the lump of anxiety that's formed before stepping out of his chambers. He hasn't eaten yet, he knows there will be food waiting in the dining hall, or he could tell one of his guards to go have something brought to his room, but he doesn't, he keeps his mouth shut and walks slowly towards the dining hall. He doesn't know how late it is, he wonders if the dining hall will be empty when he arrives or if uncle will still be there.
The thick, cloying scent of Sokka invades his senses as soon as he opens the door to the dining hall; he hasn't smelt Sokka this well since he was in heat and he barely remembers it, but his body does, and as such reacts. Zuko feels warm inside and out, but it's not uncomfortable. He pointedly ignores the slight wetness he feels between his legs.
"Zuko, we were wondering when you'd get here. Uncle's been keeping the food warm for ages now." Sokka says as if last night hadn't happened at all, as if Zuko hadn't sent him away.
He says nothing for a moment before realizing he should say something, "I'm surprised you waited for me."
"I knew you would be here when you were ready, nephew."
"I haven't eaten here for weeks now." Zuko mumbles. "Why were you so sure I'd show up?"
Iroh doesn't say anything, just smiles and beckons Zuko to the table, as he pours a cup of tea for Zuko.
"Why haven't you been eating here?" Sokka asks, shoving food into his mouth.
"I see your eating habits haven't changed." Zuko laughs, ignoring Sokka's question.
Sokka laughs, "Well you know me and my love for food." He says with his mouthful.
"That's disgusting and rude, don't talk with food in your mouth." Zuko chides, half jokingly.
"Aw, c'mon, you don't wanna see my food while I chew it?"
"I've seen it enough times to last me a lifetime and beyond, I'll pass." Zuko laughs, he feels genuinely happy for the first time in a long time, he feels comfortable and like he used to feel when they were all still together.
They fall into a comfortable silence as they eat. Zuko is eternally grateful that the food isn't making him nauseous, he silently thanks the baby for not making him suffer, yet at least.
Iroh excuses himself shortly after they've finished eating, "I have a meeting to attend to in your stead."
"What?"
"I've taken it upon myself to clean your schedule for the week so that you may spend time with your friend."
"Oh." Zuko is grateful to be out of meetings for the week but he's terrified of spending so much time alone with Sokka.
"That's great Iroh, thank you! It'll be nice to catch up with Zuko." Sokka says.
"I-I can't-"
"Nonsense, I've got it all taken care of. Spend your time with Sokka." Iroh slips from the room before Zuko can protest any further.
"If you really don't want to spend time with me, that's fine, Zuko. I'm sure I can find something to occupy myself with." Sokka says, voice tinged with sadness, expression neutral.
"No, I didn't mean for it to sound like I don't want to spend time with you. I'm just so sick of walking around in these heavy robes all day, spending time with you means I can't hide out in my room without them." He's telling the truth, he does want to hang out with Sokka, but he doesn't want to be stuck in his robes all day, but if he's spending time with Sokka he'll have to stay in them, he can't let Sokka find out his secret.
"Zuko, we're friends, you don't have to walk around in your formal Firelord garb around me if you don't want to. Remember how we pretty much lived together for a while before ya know everything happened."
"I can't do that, Sokka. You wouldn't understand." Zuko shakes his head.
"Then explain it to me."
"There's nothing to explain." He can't explain.
"You just said I wouldn't understand, saying I can't understand it implies that it can be understood if properly explained."
"I can't explain it to you, I can't explain it to anyone!" Flames flicker and spark from his fingertips. Not now, baby, please don't mess with the bending now, he silently begs.
"Woah, calm down, ever since you learned to bend without using anger you've been so careful, so controlled, I'm sorry if I upset you."
"If I could tell you, I would, but no one can know, no one will ever be able to understand." Zuko feels like crying, the tears well up in his eyes. He wants to tell Sokka he wants Sokka to know about the baby. But he can't tell him, he would have to take the baby from Zuko, but Sokka would never do that, he would never hurt him, right? No, he can't even think like that, even if Sokka wouldn't take the baby from him, Zuko can't claim the child, and Sokka could. It wouldn't be a matter of would he or wouldn't he, Sokka would be forced to.
"Zuko, whatever it is, you shouldn't have to go through it alone."
"It doesn't matter, let's just find something to do."
"No, I-I think I'll go back to my room for a bit, maybe catch up with you later."
"Sokka, don't leave, I'm sorry. I've just been a bit on edge."
"I get it, you need space. It's fine, I don't know why I hoped things would be different."
"Sokka, you are the best friend I've had in probably my entire life. I'm sorry that I'm being like this, I wish I could tell you what's going on, but I can't, I can't risk it."
"If you're sick or something, please let me help, I'll even send a hawk to Katara, she can come help, she saved your life once, I'm sure she'd be willing to do it again. We can help, Zuko, you just need to talk to me."
"I can't tell you! If I tell you everything will be ruined."
"Zuko, please, just talk to me."
"Let's go see the turtleducks." Zuko stands from the table and hopes that Sokka will follow him.
"It's raining."
"Are you afraid of a little rain?"
"No, but won't it just make your heavy robes, ya know heavier?"
"You're right, I guess I wasn't thinking, it's probably raining too hard anyway, they'll probably all be in their little shelters."
"We can see them tomorrow."
"Yeah, I suppose we can."
"We could just go to your room and hang out, you don't have to wear your robes in there."
"I can't let you see me without them."
"Zuko, I've seen you entirely naked, and I saw you without your robes on last night. It'll be okay."
Zuko sighs and heads towards his chambers, "I had new clothes commissioned but they haven't shown up yet."
"To help you stay cool?"
"Yeah.. I don't know how much longer I can handle sweating like this. Hopefully I'll reacclimate to the temperatures here again and I'll feel better. I never remember it being this hot when I was younger." I also wasn't pregnant then either, he thinks.
"I don't think I'd ever be able to get used to this heat."
"I don't think I'd ever be able to get used to the cold of the south where you live."
"Eh, it's not so bad with the right kind of gloves and boots and the best parka made by Gran Gran. The last time you were in the south you had entirely the wrong clothes on."
"It was warm on the ship though, with all the coal we were burning and just being a firebender means I run a little hot."
"If I can ever persuade you to visit the Southern Water Tribe I'll be sure to get you all the right clothes, and Gran Gran would be happy to make you a parka."
"I don't think a trip to the Southern Water Tribe will be in my future." Zuko opens the door to his chambers, leading Sokka inside. His instincts are telling him to strip out of his robes immediately, but he ignores them, it's thankfully a little bit cooler in his chambers since he's not moving around.
"C'mon Zuko, take the robes off, I know you want to."
"I'm fine now, thank you. So tell me, how have you been?"
"I can see the sweat dripping down your neck."
"Just drop it, I'm fine." He argues, sinking down onto one of the chairs.
Sokka rolls his eyes, "Whatever sweat your balls off, I just don't see why you're so modest now. You'll still have clothes on and even if you didn't I've seen you take a piss in the woods while we were camping, hell I've seen you come, I made you come, it's not a big deal. Would you feel better if I took my clothes off too?"
Zuko sits silent, stunned by what Sokka's just said, he only snaps out of it when he sees Sokka stripping out of his shirt to reveal the tank top underneath.
"Woah, stop."
"I'm trying to make you comfortable, Zuko."
"By stripping in my room?"
"Wouldn't be the first time. Ya know I thought, I mean, I hoped after, ya know after what happened between us-"
"What happened shouldn't have happened."
"But-"
"No," Zuko snaps, "You were the first alpha I thought of, the first alpha I knew I would be able to trust, but that doesn't mean I wanted it to happen." He lies.
Sokka's face drops, "Are you, I mean, did I force you?"
"No, it's not like that, it was forced on us both due to biology, it's not a big deal unless we make it into one." It is a big deal though, a very big one, in-fact and not just because of the baby.
"Oh, right." Then after a moment of silence, "We don't have to like.. talk about it or whatever, we can just catch up. I've missed you."
"I've missed you too, Sokka." Zuko says genuinely. "Tell me what you've been up to, with the rebuilding or anything really."
"Well.." Zuko zones out a bit, lulled by Sokka's voice.
"Zuko? Are you even listening to me?"
"Sorry, I wasn't, it's not that I'm not interested or that I don't care, I just.." Zuko sighs, "I just got kinda lost in your voice."
"You're giving me really mixed signals here."
"What?"
"One minute it seems like maybe you.. maybe you like me and then the next it's apparent that isn't the case but then you say stuff like that and.. I like you, Zuko, I have since the beginning. I mean not the beginning exactly, I didn't like that you were chasing us and trying to I don't know kill us or capture us or whatever, but I've always thought you were.. well ya know hot and then you joined us and helped me get my dad and Suki and all those other people out of the prison.." Sokka's sentence trails off.
Zuko's silent for probably longer than he should be, "You.. you like me?"
"Yeah."
"But-"
"But nothing, Zuko. I like you, that's it. End of discussion. If you don't feel the same way, that's fine, I'll respect your decision, I just need to hear you say it if you don't feel the same, but I couldn't just sit here and not say anything. I needed you to know."
It's now or never, all he has to say is, 'I don't like you like that, Sokka.' but he can't bring himself to lie, he can't hurt Sokka like that. "I like you too."
"Really? You don't have to say that just to make me feel better."
"I'm not. You remember when I uh, when we first met, that first time when it was just you against me and the ship full of fire nation soldiers with me?"
"Of course I remember that."
"You were so brave, and all I could think was this kid is really willing to face me, he's going to be trouble."
"Trouble? I'm not trouble!"
"You're definitely trouble, Sokka. But that wasn't all I thought, I also maybe a little bit thought you were hot, er handsome, you had the warpaint on and everything and you were so brave and damnit Sokka, every time I saw you I wanted to steal you away for myself."
"You wanted to kidnap me!? How romantic of you." Sokka says, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"I know it sounds bad, but I didn't know how to act then, and then uncle told me some proverb and I realized that taking you by force wouldn't end with you falling in love with me, it would only make you hate me. It was when I abandoned everything to join you and the others that I realized that the only way I'd ever maybe have a chance with you was to not try to force anything, to let it happen naturally, if it was going to."
"You really like me?"
"Yes."
"I can hear the but in that answer, what's wrong? Is it because, ya know we're both guys?"
"I uh, it's complicated."
"You know my dad and Bato are together, right?"
"Like that?"
"Yeah, it was a gradual thing, after mom.. it doesn't matter how it happened, they just realized one day they cared about each other and decided to give it a shot, of course after getting mine and Katara's blessing. There's nothing wrong with two guys being together, Zuko."
"But Hakoda is an alpha and so is Bato."
"So? It doesn't matter, they love each other and that's what matters."
"But your father is the chief.."
"And? Zuko, I don't know how you guys do everything here in the fire nation but back home, we don't care about status or gender or subgender even, we care about love and happiness."
"But isn't there a line of succession?"
"No, we don't have fire lords or whatever the icy equivalent would be, ice lords," Sokka chuckles, "We have a chief, but they're appointed that role, it can be taken away if enough people deem it necessary. It doesn't have to pass onto the chief's kids, if they even have any. As it is now there's a really high chance the role will pass to me, but if I don't want it, I don't have to take it. They can choose someone else."
"What about children?"
"What about them? If we want to have some then that's great, if we don't no one's going to say anything."
"Do uh, do unmated omegas have children often?"
"Not really, I mean there's not a lot of kids around, not with the war, ya know?"
"Oh, right. That makes sense."
"I don't think it's such a big deal, I mean as long as it's not something that was forced on them."
"Forced? Like raped?"
Sokka's nostrils flare slightly before he says, "Yeah, like rape. I'll never understand how someone could do that, could hurt someone like that, and for what? To get off, you can get yourself off."
"I think Ozai raped my mother, it's a despicable, horrible crime."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not you that needs to apologize, it's him. I don't even know if my mother is alive anymore. When I was little she just disappeared one night, I went to bed and woke up the next morning and she was gone, my grandfather died the same night and because of that everyone's focus was on him and Ozai being crowned Firelord. I don't know if she killed my grandfather and Ozai killed her for it or if he banished her, he's never given me a straight answer when I've asked. I miss my mother very much." Zuko sighs, tears in his eyes, 'I can't help but wonder if things would've been different had she been here, would I have learned to be a better omega? Would Ozai still have burnt me? If she was here now she could tell me how to handle being-" Zuko stops abruptly, realizing his mistake, in his upset he'd almost revealed himself to Sokka.
"Being what, Zuko?"
"Nothing, it doesn't matter. My mother is gone and she cannot help me now."
"She can't, but maybe I can, if you'll let me try. Let me try, Zuko, I want to help." Sokka moves closer to him.
"It's not that simple."
"Why? Tell me."
"Maybe a year or so from now things will be different-"
"Don't do that, just tell me what's wrong, not that you might be able to tell me next year. Zuko, I care about you, I want to help you." Sokka interrupts.
Zuko suddenly feels sick, he feels like if he opens his mouth he'll throw up all over the floor. Mentally he blames it on the baby, but more likely it's anxiety.
"Are you okay? Zuko you look like you're going to be sick, and your scent just spiked, you smell distressed."
Zuko rushes from the room, he drops to his knees on the floor in-front of the toilet and begins to violently throw up; so much for the baby letting him keep his food down.
He jumps slightly when he feels Sokka's hand on his back, the other brushes Zuko's hair out of his face. "You okay?" He asks again.
"I'll be fine, it'll pass." He doesn't look at Sokka - can't look at Sokka, he feels embarrassed and weak.
"Are you sick? Do you need me to get a healer?"
"No, no, I'm fine." Zuko insists, dry heaving between words.
"You're not fine, Zuko." Sokka rubs Zuko's back in small soothing circular motions. "C'mon let's get this robe off of you, you're dripping with sweat and I know it's only making you feel worse." Sokka says, voice full of concern. He pulls at the ties of the robe trying to get it off.
"Please don't." Zuko says, weakly, voice shaking.
Sokka doesn't stop until the robe is off of Zuko - he feels too weak from the heat and nausea to fight him. As the robe slips off Zuko curls in on himself trying desperately to hide his belly from Sokka's view.
"Shh, it's alright." Sokka's voice is soothing as is his hand on Zuko's back. "You don't have to cry, you're okay."
Zuko hadn't realized he was crying until Sokka said something. He feels embarrassed that Sokka's seeing him like this, that Sokka could very easily learn his secret.
"C'mon, let's get you up and into your nest, you don't look so good, buddy."
"No." Zuko cries. "I'm fine, please leave me alone."
"You're not fine, Zuko. If you're not going to take care of yourself, I'm going to. I told you, I care about you, okay?"
Zuko whines, the sound comes from low in his throat before he begins to dry heave again. "I-I can't-" he tries to speak.
"C'mon, I'll bring something for you to throw up in."
Before Zuko realizes what's happening Sokka's arms are snaking around his midsection to pull him up into a standing position - he tries to push Sokka's hands away but Sokka's too strong and too persistent. Sokka's hands push between Zuko's own pausing only for a moment before pulling him up to stand.
Zuko bends forward as if he can't stand up straight trying desperately to distract Sokka from the firm curve of his belly. With both arms still looped around him Sokka begins to walk them towards Zuko's nest.
"I'm fine, please let go." Zuko tries again.
"I'll let you go when I know you're okay."
Zuko hangs his head in defeat and lets himself be led to his nest. As soon as they reach the edge of his nest he uses all of his strength and wrenches himself from Sokka's embrace, all but throwing himself down into the nest, hastily pulling a thick fur over himself.
"I know you like the soft stuff, but you're burning up, Zuko, lose the fur, please."
Zuko ignores his request and instead says, "There, I'm in my nest resting, please leave me alone."
"Not happening, you look like you're going to hurl again any second," Sokka darts out of Zuko's view for a split second before returning with a small empty trash bin, "Use this if you're gonna puke, okay?" He hands the bin to Zuko, careful not to invade Zuko's nest.
"Fine, now please go." His stomach rolls and he feels like he could be sick again, but he also feels that slight flutter again.
"Zuko, I don't know what's going on with you, but I, well.. I don't want you to get upset but.. have you been uh taking your tea? Or uh have you gone into heat again since.. ya know?"
"Wh-what? No, that's.." He can't finish his sentence, not knowing what to say.
"I'm sorry, I know it's not my place to ask, but I think I, I mean.. damnit."
Zuko holds his breath and pulls the fur over his body further, wanting to disappear into it.
"Are you pregnant?"
"What? No! Absolutely not." Zuko denies, trying to sound believable and not burst into tears again.
"Zuko, please don't lie to me, it's okay if you are-"
"Okay? How could it possibly be okay? It's not fucking okay!"
"Did someone hurt you?"
"No, no one hurt me, just leave me alone."
Sokka drops down onto the floor just outside of Zuko's nest, "I'm not leaving, not until I know you're okay."
Zuko feels utterly defeated; Sokka is stubborn, he's not going to leave or let this drop until Zuko tells him. He sighs and shakes his head. "I'm not okay, I'm not going to be okay."
"Zuko, tell me what happened."
"Tell you what happened? You know what happened Sokka, you were there."
Sokka's eyes go wide after a moment, gaze snapping down to Zuko's concealed belly before back up to Zuko's face, "Are you saying I got you-"
"Don't say it." Zuko cuts him off. "Don't say it because it can't be happening."
"But it is, Zuko, it is happening. Why aren't you happy? D-do you not want it?"
Tears begin to fall again but he doesn't answer Sokka's question, he can't.
"Zuko answer me, please. Do you not want the baby?"
A soft sob escapes when he opens his mouth, "I want this baby more than anything."
"Then why aren't we fuckin' celebrating?"
"You don't understand." Zuko says quietly, trying to stop the tears, one hand unconsciously moving to his belly beneath the fur.
"Then explain it to me, please. A baby is something so special and incredible and it shouldn't cause such strife."
"I am the Firelord."
"So?"
"Don't you understand? I'm the Firelord and I'm an unmated omega, it was hard enough for them to accept me."
"You're more than just an omega, Zuko. You're a fierce warrior, you helped end the hundred year war and you've done more to make up for the war in the five months you've been Firelord than anyone thought possible. Subgender or not, you're fucking amazing, Zuko."
"Omega's aren't supposed to be leaders here, especially not unmated ones. If it's found out that I am an omega there could be an uprising, it'll be worse if it's found out that I'm pregnant. I'll be forced into an arranged mating or into an Agni Kai with anyone who wants to take the throne from me. Neither will end well, if I'm forced into an arranged mating I can't keep my baby because my alpha will not allow it. If I lose the Agni Kai everything I've worked towards will be for nothing, they'll take the throne and ruin everything I've done. But not only that, losing an Agni Kai would mean being burnt, the injury could cost my child's life."
"You've won Agni Kai before, you could win again."
"Who's to say there won't be more even if I win? No one can know about my condition."
A moment passes before Sokka speaks again, "Why didn't you just tell me? Zuko, I should've been here for you."
"I'll have my baby in secret and when the time comes that I'm asked of their parentage I will say the baby's mother is a faceless, nameless woman whom I laid with after the war ended. He or she shall be mine and no one else's."
"But that's not fair! That baby is mine too!" Sokka's voice raises with something sounding a lot like anger.
"No, Sokka, they're not yours, you can't take them from me." Zuko curls around himself without realizing, hiding his belly awake even further. "You're not going to take my child away from me to the south, I'll never see them again. The pain will kill me."
"I would never take our child from you."
"You're the son of the Southern Water Tribe chief, you're next in line, you'll have to go back eventually and you'll take them from me, you'll have to, you're their alpha, you have more claim on them than I do being unmated. I won't let you take them from me, I won't lose my child."
"I would never take our child from you." Sokka repeats, "I would never do that, Zuko. I'll abdicate to Katara, she'll hate it, but she'll understand."
"No, you can't do that."
"Zuko, I would do anything if it meant having you and our child. You told me earlier that you like me, I told you the same, I know our situation isn't ideal or whatever but if you'll let me, I would mate with you and never leave your side again."
"No, no you can't do that!"
"I can and I will, I'll go send a messenger hawk to my father now." Sokka pushes himself up off of the floor.
"Wait." Zuko lunges forward and grabs Sokka's wrist.
"Why? Zuko, I'm going to send a message and I'll be back, I'm not leaving you."
Zuko drops Sokka's wrist and falls back into his nest, "Don't send a message, don't do anything. Fuck. This is all happening because I forgot to drink some tea and you were the only alpha I trusted. Mutually liking each other or not doesn't matter, neither of us wanted this to happen. You're supposed to marry some pretty girl like Suki and have lots of babies and become the chief after your father. You're not supposed to be stuck with someone like me, scarred and hideous-"
"No, you stop that right there. You are not hideous, you're fucking beautiful." Sokka interrupts. "Zuko, I don't want to marry someone like Suki, yeah she's pretty and I did really like her at one point but she's not what I want. You are what I want."
"How could I be what you want? I'm Firelord now and I'm technically an adult but in the end I'm just a fucked up abused kid."
"You're so much more than that, Zuko. I wish you could see that."
Zuko opens his mouth to speak, but is a sudden unmistakable push from inside of him stops him entirely; the flutters he's felt didn't seem real, but this, there's no way what he's feeling is anything other than his baby - their baby - moving inside of him.
"What's wrong? Are you in pain? Is it the baby? What's happening?" Panic resonates in Sokka's voice.
Zuko shakes his head, unable to speak, both hands find his belly and he pushes back lightly where he'd felt their baby.
"Zuko, talk to me, what's going on?"
"They moved." He whispers.
Sokka moves to come closer to him, but stops, "May I enter your nest? Please."
It's unorthodox for an alpha to be in an unmated omegas nest, but Sokka's been in his nest once before, when he woke Zuko the other evening, and Zuko had kicked him out. He's not sure why he says yes, but he does so anyway, "Yes, you can."
Sokka's careful as he crawls into Zuko's nest, into his personal space. He settles next to Zuko, barely any space between them, "May I, please?" He says again.
Zuko knows what he's asking and a part of him wants to say no, a part of him wants to push Sokka away entirely, but he can't bring himself to do it. Not when there's a fleeting chance that he can be happy, that he can have his baby and Sokka. He doesn't speak, instead he takes Sokka's hand and places it on the curve of his belly, where the baby had pushed against him.
Please baby, move again. He thinks.
"I know the baby moved or kicked or something, I know that I felt them. I'm sorry they're not moving now." He says finally, feeling defeated after a long moment passes where nothing happens.
The warmth from Sokka's hand radiates through his shirt, "Doesn't matter, I'll feel them sooner or later, if you'll let me."
"Sokka, I," Zuko sighs, "I want this, us, so badly. I told you I've liked you for a very long time, but.. this isn't going to work. I know it won't because you can't just abandon your family for me."
"You are my family, Zuko." He rubs gently across Zuko's bump, "You and this little one in here, both of you are my family too."
"But-"
"No, Zuko, no buts. I came to the fire nation as an advisor but it wasn't because my dad wanted me to come, I brought it up, I offered to come because I wanted to see you. I know I should've sent a letter asking if you'd even want to see me but I was afraid you would say no."
"I would've said no if you asked." Zuko admits.
"I'm glad I didn't ask then. Zuko, I understand you're afraid of what might happen when it's found out that you are an omega and that you're pregnant, but you don't have to do it alone."
"You can't just bite me now and make it all better."
"No, I can't just bite you and make it all better, but if you allow me to bite you and claim you as my mate no one has to know it happened now. Let them all think you've been mated this entire time and didn't tell anyone."
"They'll know."
"How? How would they know? Have they seen your gland?"
"No."
"Then they don't know that you're not mated yet."
"But-"
"Zuko, I've never helped an omega through heat before, I should've been more careful, I should've taken precautions to prevent pregnancy, this isn't anyone's fault but you weren't in your right mind at the time. I can't say I was entirely either but I was more clear-headed than you. But inexperience got the best of me and I didn't think. There were times during your heat that I wanted nothing more than to bite into your gland and claim you. I felt my fangs extend and I wanted it so badly, but I knew it wasn't what you wanted, I knew you wouldn't want to be force-mated."
"I would've hated that."
"I know and that's why I stopped myself every time because I didn't want to hurt you, I didn't want to make you hate me."
"I don't know if I would've hated you but I would've been very angry with you."
"Not something I was willing to risk. Zuko, I promise you, if you allow me to bite you now and claim you as my mate, I will not do anything with it until you want me to, even if you never do. Zuko, claiming you now and letting everyone think it happened months ago will be beneficial for you and our baby, you'll be able to see a healer and make sure everything's going well. You won't have to traipse about in hot, heavy robes. If you'll let me, I'd like to court you. I don't know exactly if that's how things are done here, but back home that's how it goes and I'd like to try. But even if it doesn't work out, I'll be here for anything you need, and I'll be here for our child. If you decide that being my mate isn't what you want, I'll break the bond on my side and let you go."
"You'd never be able to have a mate if you did that."
"But you would. Zuko, I really do like you, and like I told you, you and this little one are my family but if you don't want to be with me, I'll respect that, as long as you don't banish me. Let me be able to see my kid, even if I can't have you, I deserve to see them."
"I would never ask you to do that to yourself."
"You wouldn't have to ask." Sokka swallows harshly, hand still rubbing idly along Zuko's belly. "You and I both know what it's like to grow up without a parent, I can't do that to my kid."
"But I'm heartless enough to do so, I was going to."
"That's not what I meant, Zuko. It's just that we've both grown up without one of our parents that loved us very much, our mothers. I don't want my kid to ever feel like they're missing something that they can have. You weren't doing this out of spite towards me or to hurt our child, you were doing it to protect yourself and our child. You were doing what you thought was the right thing."
"What if it doesn't work?"
"What if what doesn't work? What are you asking specifically? If the bite doesn't work? It will. Or are you asking what happens if we don't work out? I told you Zuko no matter what I want you to be happy, and I want our kid to be happy."
"What if they don't believe I was bitten before?"
"There's no way for them to prove you weren't. If they question it we can tell them that you didn't want to announce it until I could be here."
"But-"
"Zuko, stop worrying, we don't have to do it right this very second."
"I'm just so scared, what if they don't believe me? You've been here for a few days now and we haven't said anything. What if they try to take my baby?"
"No one is taking our baby, I'll kill anyone who tries." Sokka growls, hand still on Zuko's belly while the other curls around Zuko's shoulders. "No one's going to hurt you either, I won't allow it. Zuko, anything I can do to keep you both safe, I'll do, no questions asked because even before I knew about the baby you were one of the most important people in my life, despite the time and space between us."
"This seems surreal."
"It's very real, I promise. Zuko, if you'd have just talked to me.." he trails off, seemingly lost in thought of what could've been.
"I was afraid, I'm still afraid. Sokka, all I could think was that if you knew you'd take my baby, take them away to the south to raise them and I would never see them. I thought that if I hid it I could keep them. I hoped that if you didn't know you wouldn't use your alpha status to take them."
"Ouch, it hurts me that you'd think I would, or even could do something like that. I know I'm not the nicest guy sometimes, I've got a bit of a temper and sometimes I just walk away because I need space, but I could never do that, not to you or anyone else."
Zuko turns and lays his head on Sokka's shoulder, breathing in Sokka's scent; it's soothing. "I wasn't thinking clearly, the anxiety and fear were taking over." Zuko says, honestly. All of this, this mess is because of his fear and constant state of anxiety.
"I'm sorry you felt like you had to hide this from me."
"It wasn't just you.. you said you don't know how things work in the fire nation.. here if an unmated omega is pregnant they're not allowed to keep the baby, it goes to the alpha, they have the greater claim on the baby, even in cases of," Zuko swallows harshly, "of rape. Unmated omegas have almost no rights, if it was known that I am an omega I wouldn't be able to be the Firelord. Perhaps uncle would be able to rule for me until I was mated, but it would be an arranged mating."
"That's horrible."
"That's the culture."
"It's shit."
"A bit, yeah."
"Not just a bit. In the south all omegas are seen as precious, mated or not. Besides that alpha's don't have a greater claim on children simply because they're an alpha, in-fact the omega parent and the alpha parent have equal claim to the child."
"Equal? Even when mated the alpha still has more claim.. I mean obviously the omega has some claim but.." Zuko sighs, his voice shakes slightly when he speaks again, "Everyone thought I would be an alpha, my f-Ozai had me training with alpha's two, sometimes three times my age when I was ten, he said that I needed to learn how to be strong and ruthless as an alpha because he could see the weakness in me. He said in order for me to be a worthy alpha I needed to learn."
Tears slip down Zuko's face, dampening Sokka's shirt, but he doesn't move away, not when Sokka's arms tighten around Zuko, holding him impossibly closer.
"You don't have to talk about this," Sokka starts to say.
"I want to, I've never spoken of this before, not in its entirety, not even with my uncle."
Sokka doesn't say anything, just rubs Zuko's belly and waits for him to start speaking again.
"When I spoke out of turn and ended up in an Agni Kai against him I thought I was going against someone else, but when I saw it was him I couldn't fight, I wouldn't. He said I was weak, after he burnt me he came to see me once, and only once. He told me that in not fighting him I was showing that I would never be the strong, powerful, ruthless alpha he thought I should be, despite all of his training. I was banished then, I'd only just received my first round of treatment for the burn and I was kicked out. I was told to find the avatar and they only then would I be allowed back into the family. I was thirteen, terrified out of my mind, horribly burnt and in excruciating pain and I was sent out with a single warship. Uncle came with me of course, he said, Zuko, I think it's time for this old man to go on another adventure, see the world. I knew he was only coming to keep an eye on me, to baby me and I was so angry, but I didn't have the strength to argue with him. I'm so glad now that I didn't refuse him."
"I hate to think what might've happened if he hadn't been there."
"You don't even know the half of it.. it was barely a month after setting sail that I went into my first heat."
The sound that falls from Sokka's lips is a mixture of distressed shock and anger. "Your first heat was on a warship?"
"Surrounded by a crew full of alphas who all wanted a chance to have the sweetly scented new omega."
"Zuko, did they?"
"No, no, uncle took care of me, he stood guard outside of my room, fighting off anyone who tried to enter. He would come inside sometimes to make sure I was eating and drinking, always locking the door tightly behind himself. He kept the only key to my room on his person at all times. If it hadn't been for uncle Iroh being with me I don't know what would've happened."
"I'll have to get him a gift." Sokka jokes after a moment of silence, hoping to lighten the mood. But then abruptly says, "Wait, wait a second, you said barely a month passed.. you were still recovering from your burn."
"Yes, the pain of it helped in truth, it distracted from the burning arousal of the heat. I was more coherent throughout."
"I wish your first heat hadn't been like that, but what about the men who were part of the crew? They know your secret."
"I was so angry when I went into heat, I was already angry but a part of me thought that I'd brought this on myself by being weak, that Ozai was right, that I would never be the alpha I was supposed to be. I'm still not entirely happy with being an omega, I don't know if I ever will be, but I'm not angry about it anymore, not the way I used to be. As for the men, Zhao took my entire crew from me shortly before the invasion of the Northern Water Tribe, they were all killed in the fight. I've checked, and if they hadn't been killed I would've gone after them myself."
"I won't say I'm glad anyone is dead, but it's for the best, and I'm glad you didn't have to kill anyone."
"Yes, it is for the best. But.. you know that I've killed someone, right?"
"Yeah, yeah, I uh, I have too."
Zuko hums, not knowing what to say, mind reeling from everything that's happened over the last hour.
Can he really keep his baby? Can they really be together? Will anyone believe that they've been mated in secret for months? Does Sokka really want this? Want him?
Zuko's thoughts are interrupted, "Zuko, hey, buddy, you kinda spaced off there, you okay?"
"A-are you sure this is what you want?"
"Yes, yes, I want you and I want our baby. Zuko, even before you told me about this," he's still rubbing Zuko's belly as he speaks, "listen Zuko, you're probably not going to believe me, but uh you remember Piandao?"
"Yes, what does our mutual sword master have to do with anything?"
"You remember my special sword? The one I made while training under Piandao? My space sword?" He pauses for a moment but not long enough for Zuko to say anything. "I forged it out of a meteorite but that's not all I made from it. It's not finished and it's a bit rough but I don't have it with me now, it's in my room though."
"What did you make, Sokka?" Zuko asks, confused. What could Sokka have possibly made?
"It's not even Southern Water Tribe tradition, it's Northern but when I saw the meteorite I just had to make one."
"Make what?"
Sokka continues talking, not bothering to tell Zuko what it is. "Like I said I don't have it with me right now, but it is back in my room. I've carried it with me everywhere I've gone since making it-"
"Sokka, stop rambling and tell me what it is." Zuko says, interrupting him.
Sokka stares at him for a moment, "A betrothal necklace." He says, voice quiet.
"A-a-you mean like the one your sister wore?" Like the one I took and taunted her with? He thinks.
"Yeah, it's just the carving, it's not attached to anything yet. When I saw the meteorite I knew I needed to make a sword, but something was telling me I needed to carve a piece of it for a necklace, even if I could never give it to you, I had to make it."
"I would like to see it."
"Yeah, uh, okay, of course. It's in my room, I could go get it now."
"Not right now, don't leave."
Zuko clings to Sokka, he's enjoying the feeling of Sokka's arms around him, hand on his belly, far too much to want to let Sokka get up and leave if only for a few minutes. He's not felt this safe and comforted in years, since his mother was alive. Sure there were moments with uncle Iroh where he felt safe and comforted but not like this, not this bone deep feeling, with uncle it had always been a superficial fleeting feeling - they were on the run after all.
"Okay, that's fine, I can get it later."
"I want to see it, but now that you're here and you want to be here, with me, I don't want you to go." Zuko admits, quietly.
"Zuko, I'm not leaving you again."
"You'll have to go home eventually." Zuko says, sadly.
"For what? You are my home now, you and our baby."
"Your family-"
"Will understand."
"But-"
"Zuko, stop. Nothing you say is going to deter me. Now that I know you want this too and it wasn't all just in my head and wishful thinking on my part I'm not going anywhere. And hopefully in time you'll come with me when I go back to see my family, Gran Gran will make you a parka, and a little snowsuit for our kid, it'll be perfect."
Zuko smiles, thinking about their child in a blue snowsuit with fur trim, he can't picture their features properly, but a part of him hopes they look like Sokka, with tanned skin and beautiful blue eyes. "I think that sounds like a lovely idea." He says after a moment.
"Yeah? You'll really come with me?"
"Not right away, after the birth and after I've recovered and can safely leave the nation in my uncle's hands."
Sokka nuzzles against the side of Zuko's face. "Thank you." He whispers.
"Don't thank me, thank yourself for helping me see that all of this is possible."
"Zuko, all of this has been possible, since before your heat even."
"But you didn't know then that I was an omega."
"No, I didn't, but I still liked you and I still wanted to be with you, still wanted you."