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"How did it go?", Jin asked, when Jungkook returned to the dorm. The youngest has been keeping up with his appointments with the psychiatrist, and he seems better every time he comes back.
"Good", Jungkook smiled, taking off his jacket and shoes, and wearing his house slippers. He appreciates his hyungs' care and support through this, and also the fact that they're being respectful regarding medical confidentiality. His response and smile were sincere: everything was going well. "Hyung?", Jungkook noticed Taehyung, spacing out on the couch, his eyes slightly wide. "Taehyung hyung?", the youngest called again. That's when the others noticed Taehyung, too. Jungkook approached and crouched in front of him, but Taehyung was still staring into nothing.
"Taehyung? Taehyung!", Namjoon snapped his fingers in front of Taehyung. That seemed to pull Taehyung out of his trance, and suddenly noticing Jungkook in front of him, he jolted.
"Hyung, it's just me!", Jungkook said, placing his hands on Taehyung's knees.
"I know, sorry", Taehyung plastered a smile on his face, reaching and ruffling Jungkook's hair.
"Are you okay, Taehyung?", Yoongi asked, as he and the rest frowned at Taehyung's reaction and fake smile.
"Yes", Taehyung lied, smile not leaving his face. Jimin opened his mouth ready to protest, but he noticed Hoseok looking at him while shaking his head, so he closed it. Taehyung was hiding something, but they should give him some time first... A chance for him to come to them...
Days passed. Days turned to weeks, but Taehyung was not admitting what's bothering him. The boys watched everyday, as he kind of closed in on himself, and it looked like he was avoiding Jungkook...? Later that day, when Hoseok woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, he heard crying as he passed by Taehyung's door. The boy, who was half-awake until then, frowned in concern and knocked lightly on Taehyung's door.
"Taehyung?", Hoseok called, not too loud, to not wake the others up. There was no answer, besides Taehyung's whimpering. Hoseok opened the door and from the hall's light that crept through, he saw the slightly younger boy crying in his sleep. Taehyung's hands clenching the covers in his fists, his pillow soaked with the boy's tears and sweat. "Taehyung", he called again, as he began to approach.
"What's going on?", Namjoon was heard asking. Hoseok was halfway to Taehyung's bed, turning to see the leader standing at the door rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Just then, the other boys appeared behind him. Hoseok had unintentionally left the door open, which resulted in the others waking up by Taehyung's crying.
"I'm guessing he's having a nightmare", Hoseok said, as all of them reached Taehyung's bed. Jimin gently shook Taehyung by the shoulder. When Taehyung didn't wake up from that, Jimin shook him a bit harder. Taehyung gasped, jumping to a sit-up position, his eyes wide looking around the room. The nightmare and his whimpers were not helping him breathe...
"Hey, it's okay, the nightmare's over", Yoongi reassured, but seeing Taehyung's inability to breathe properly and the boy not registering them yet, he frowned, recognizing some of the symptoms of a panic attack. The others caught up too, Jin approaching Taehyung, sitting down on his bed and gently placing his hands on the younger's shoulders.
"Taehyung", Jin called, soothingly rubbing his thumbs against Taehyung's shoulders. Taehyung wheezed, still struggling to breathe, his eyes wondering towards the eldest. "Shhhh it's okay, you're okay", he spoke softly. "I'm gonna help you breathe now, okay? Focus on my breathing. Can you do that for hyung?", he asked, giving Taehyung a few moments to see if he understood. Taehyung nodded, his whole body shaking. "Okay... in through the nose, out through the mouth...", Jin demonstrated. Taehyung tried to follow along, his first few breaths being too short, but it got better. "That's it", the oldest praised him, still keeping his tone low and soft to not startle him. The other boys had remained silent and still, not wanting to distract Taehyung from Jin and possibly make things worse. Soon enough, Taehyung's breathing was back to normal. Jin stared the younger in the eyes, the latter nodding to thank him and reassure him that he's okay now. Well, that's debatable... As Jin let go of his shoulders and pulled back, Taehyung noticed the rest of his brothers next to his bed.
"I'm so sorry I woke you up", Taehyung lowered his head.
"Hey, no! Don't worry about it!", Jimin said.
"I was passing by on my way to the bathroom when I heard you. It must have been a very scary nightmare", Hoseok spoke. Taehyung nodded, staring at his lap.
"Do you want to talk about it?", Namjoon asked, all boys coming impossibly closer to Taehyung's bed. But Taehyung shook his head.
"Are you sure?", Jin asked.
"Yes, I'm fine", Taehyung nodded, raising his gaze to look at them, hoping this would convince them.
"Even if you don't want to talk about it, we can stay with you", Yoongi offered, the other boys nodding frantically a few times.
"Thank you... But I would like for you to go back to sleep", Taehyung said.
"Taehyung", Jimin called.
"Please", Taehyung insisted. His eyes and tone of voice were asking for help, but knowing Taehyung was stubborn, the boys decided to listen.
"I'm staying", Jungkook said, the others, who were leaving the room, turning around.
"Jungkook, you don't have to, I'm fine", Taehyung argued.
"Not happening... I'm not leaving you alone", Jungkook shook his head stubbornly. Jungkook's stubborness and competitiveness rivaled Taehyung's, and the others normally would have chuckled, but now... He looked at his other hyungs, exchanged nods, and then they left, closing the door behind them. Taehyung scoffed, lowering his head to stare at his lap. He involuntarily squeezed his left fist with his right hand, the nails of his right hand digging into the knuckles of his left. Jungkook sat on Taehyung's bed and gently took Taehyung's hands in his, detaching one from the other. Taehyung followed the movement of his hands with his eyes, before raising them to meet Jungkook's.
"Jungkook, please go to your bed", Taehyung repeated, feeling his eyes tear up once again. He pulled his hands from Jungkook's grip to wipe his cheeks dry from the tears he spilled earlier.
"No", Jungkook shook his head again, his eyes not leaving Taehyung's face. Taehyung sighed. The youngest gently pushed Taehyung to lay back down, as he reached to grab the covers and pull them up, covering both himself and his brother. They were laying on their backs, before Jungkook turned to face Taehyung, the latter's eyes on the ceiling. "Hyung, please tell me what's been eating you from the inside out "
"What do you mean?", Taehyung mumbled, and in the semi-darkness of the room, Jungkook saw him shifting his gaze from the ceiling to the end of the bed.
"Hyung, we're not stupid", Jungkook deadpanned, reffering to himself and his others hyungs. "Judging by the dark circles under your eyes, you clearly haven't been sleeping well! And you've been avoiding me...", he exclaimed, his voice trailing off.
"I haven't been avoiding you", Taehyung said, but could almost feel Jungkook raising his eyebrows in disbelief. "I'm trying to give you space. I figured I shouldn't be clingy in general, but especially now... I didn't mean to seem distant, uninterested or unconcerned, I'm sorry"
"Hyung", Jungkook's pleading tone made Taehyung roll on his side, so they were finally facing each other. Or, it could be Jungkook's right hand sliding under Taehyung's back and turning him towards him... "I'm fine, really"
"I know, and I'm glad...", Taehyung's voice broke, avoiding Jungkook's gaze. Jungkook brought his left hand under Taehyung's chin, slightly tilting the older's head up to make him look at him.
"Who needs to open up now?", Jungkook wondered. Taehyung returned his brother's gaze. "Hyung, please talk to me", he insisted. He felt Taehyung nodding.
"I'm glad you're doing okay. Really, I am", Taehyung nodded a few times, to show he's sincere. He felt Jungkook's right palm rest against his shoulder blades. "The truth is... I've been having nightmares, waking up in cold sweat. Sometimes they can lead to panic attacks", he admitted.
"Like tonight", Jungkook said.
"Like tonight", Taehyung repeated, sighing.
"That's why you haven't been sleeping well", Jungkook stated.
"Yeah", Taehyung confirmed. "I'm dreaming of the incident, but that's not the worst part...", Taehyung began, pausing to take a deep breath. "I mean, the nightmares of the incident are scary enough as it is. But there are times when I see variations... In one, I wasn't restless that night, and J-Jin hyung was the one to find you in the m-morning when he came t-to wake you u-up", his voice quivered, him exhaling shakily. "In another, I did find you but, no matter how long I performed CPR, y-you didn't w-wake up", he sniffled. "Some other nights, I would see different versions. Like, instead of h-hanging yourself, you took sleeping pills o-or... I would f-find you with a v-vertical cut from your f-forearms to your wrists, or e-even a horizontal one across your t-throat", Taehyung choked by his own sobs.
"H-Hyung", Jungkook called, his voice cracking. He didn't know how greatly this had taken a toll on Taehyung... Taehyung who had found him and saved his life.
"Every time I w-wake up, it feels l-like it's that n-night and I'm t-terrified I'll be too l-late!", Taehyung cried. Jungkook, using his left hand, gently brushed away Taehyung's tears, his hand caressing the older's right cheek. "I'm terrified I'll l-lose you!"
"I'm so sorry, hyung", Jungkook sniffled.
"Jungkook", Taehyung raised his head to meet Jungkook's eyes, the youngest's hand still resting on his right cheek. "P-please promise me that won't h-happen!".
"I promise", Jungkook reassured, and that was Taehyung's breaking point. The boy started sobbing harder. Jungkook pulled him in his arms, his jaw resting on Taehyung's crown. He could feel Taehyung's body shaking in his embrace, as the latter buried his face in Jungkook's chest, his left hand clutching Jungkook's pajama top while the other drapped across Jungkook's back. Jungkook sniffled, his right hand holding Taehyung close while his left was stroking his brother's head. They cried themselves to sleep, waking up in the morning with Taehyung still fitted in Jungkook's embrace.
Taehyung was reluctant to tell the others about everything, but there was no reason to. After Taehyung admitted he needed help, the boys initiated a big group hug, and then Jungkook got his brother in contact with his psychiatrist. Things will go back to normal eventually.