Work Text:
It's.. unusual of me to be writing this. But I only feel it's mandatory in my word.
It was my fault, that through my own eyes, I couldn't see through you. I was too blind.
You continued to put up with my agonizing, wondering why I was filled with so much stress and pain that I had to confide it all onto you. You seemed to listen, though. You just wanted to help. To bring the best to me. Most importantly, though, you wanted to protect me.
I only saw things from my perspective. Not yours. I had no sense of care. Over the time that ive known you, I never really saw it in you.
I never seemed to realize what you really wanted. What you were really asking of me. My selfishness and greediness of my wealth led me to a position I hoped I'd never have to see myself in.
Because you truly loved me, every tender and affectionate move tried to imply your true care. I ,idiotically, never seemed to get the hint, though. But because of my horrid ignorance, and of the difficult situations I put you in, the constant pestering and complaining, and the upsetting circumstances you fell into, you appeared nervous and apprehensive. You started to become quiet, and shy of me.
I was offended, took it far too much to heart and was insolent and irksome to you, which, in turn, made you all the more fearful of me. I couldn't understand it. Your gratitude and devotion toward my safety showed great strength, yet, I chose to show no care.
If only I understood what you felt of me.
It's true though, no doubt, that I decided to take my own fear and put it on you.
Fear that you'd never understand my true notion.
I could only wonder what prompted you to keep yourself here with me. For you not to carry out what really was supposed to be done, a long time ago.
I feel an unforgivable sorrow. One that will never be forgotten. I wish you’d find some forgiveness in me.
Your presence, and care. You mean a great deal to me, Lilac. That you stayed, and protected me.
Yet, I concealed my affection away from you, aswell. I never knew you shared the same feeling I hid away for such a long time. It’s something I should have said a long while back.
I want to make it up to you. I want to love you forever. I never ever want to leave your side.
But, It is still my responsibility to give you my best apologies. For my stupidity and idiocy. For all I put you through.
..
I'm sorry,
Lilac.
A dark splotch of ink stained a small area of the bottom of the page, a small rip in the middle. Something must have hit it hard.