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Chapter Text

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife, or so Jane Austen says. However, as she stands in the middle of the ballroom, surrounded by wealthy young men who are decades older than her and sit without a wife…Lexi begins to wonder if the wise words are untrue. 

It’s the first ball of the season, and the debutantes flock to every corner of the ballroom. Each young lady dawns a beautiful white dress, expertly curled and styled hair, and a mental checklist of everything they need to secure a husband this season in London:

1. Obtain a respectable hobby (Lexi’s is writing poetry, Cassie’s is the pianoforte). 
2. Complete a thorough education of the monastery, romantic languages, and literature (Lexi has well surpassed this requirement).
3. Carry out an amiable disposition at all times (an easy feat for Lexi and Cassie). 
4. Come from a well-known family and be properly integrated into society (Suze has done her best…)
5. Avoid any and all scandals. 

Number five is where Lexi finds herself in real trouble. Though it was many years ago, Lexi hopes that the past antics of her father will not hinder her ability to find a husband. 

She watches as her sister charms a group of handsome young men across the room. They all bear smiles on their faces, twinkling eyes, and a very obvious interest in the older Howard sister. Truth be told, Lexi has always been a little jealous of Cassie’s beauty, of her confidence, and her grace. She’d received her first courter when she was only fourteen years old, but their mother refused to allow Cassie to marry so young, and since Cassie has been careful with whom she chooses to entertain. 

Lexi has not had a single courter in the twenty years of her life, and though it is rather common, she feels a bit behind from the rest of her age group. Some of the girls she had grown up with have been married for years already, something Lexi could not imagine for herself. So, she is content with merely observing for a while, but a hand touches her arm and pulls her from her trance. 

“Lexi,” Maddy’s voice says into her ear. “You are not going to stand in this spot all night, are you? We’ve brought you to London for a reason! Remember, this season is our time to shine.” Lexi smiles affectionately at her cousin. Madeleine Perez has always been a force to be reckoned with, and she has only made her bolder. Lexi remembers when they were schoolgirls: Maddy yelling at the boys around them to be quiet and always telling Lexi to hold her head up straight. They’d had the same conversation about an hour earlier, when Lexi had felt nervous before walking into the ball. Maddy was much closer with Cassie, but she has always looked out for Lexi like she was her own little sister. 

It’s why, Lexi believes, Maddy seems to think it important that all three of them are married by the end of this season. She’d invited her cousins and their mother to stay with her for the first several weeks of spring at the Perez home in the heart of London, and the Howard women are eternally grateful for her kindness. The pressure is on this season, and Lexi feels it’s getting the best of her already. 

And it’s only been a few hours. 

“I truly am trying, Maddy,” Lexi says. “But I feel so out of place amongst such beautiful and confident young girls. Not one gentleman has come to greet me yet.” 

Maddy stares at her a long moment, her expression unreadable, and then she pulls Lexi along quickly. “If they are too stupid to come to you, dear cousin, then we must go to them.” The two weave in and out of the crowds of people. Music cascades onto the crowd from the small orchestra on the balcony, the vibrato of the violin echoing across the large domed ceiling, filling Lexi’s ears with sounds other than that of her own heartbeat. 

Lexi stares straight ahead, though her wandering eyes capture a fleeting glance of Cassie dancing with a young man. And then, of Rue. Lexi’s heartbeat picks up, now to be felt in both her hands and her ears, and she ponders over whether or not to talk to her long lost friend. 

She decides against it. 

Maddy leads her to a small group of quieter gentlemen and plants the two of them just within earshot. Of course, within minutes two of the boys have approached them and are bowing. Lexi attempts to listen to their names, pretends like she’s interested in their conversation, but her mind is stuck on Rue. She’s chatting animatedly with the host of the ball—Juliet Vaughn, who’s just moved to London with her father—and appears to be rather starstruck. The sight makes Lexi’s chest ache. It’s easy to miss someone when they are not around, but sharing a close proximity is much, much harder.  

“Alexis.” Lexi hears her given name and turns sharply toward Maddy, just now realizing that they are left alone again. 

“I’m so sorry—,” Lexi starts, but Maddy cuts her off. 

“If you desire to have men approach you Lexi then you must appear interested when they finally do. You cannot ignore them and expect them to do all the work!” Maddy sighs frustratedly and Lexi feels ill. She knows Maddy has the best intentions. 

“I’ll make it up to you. I promise,” Lexi says. Something catches Maddy’s eye across the room and she nods slowly. 

“Oh, yes you will.” Her tone is conniving, a frequent adjective to describe Maddy, and Lexi groans internally. She follows Maddy’s eyes to the tallest gentleman in the room, Nathaniel Jacobs. He is not of any royal or political standing, but he does come from an extremely wealthy family. He is also, Lexi hates to admit, ridiculously handsome. 

Maddy mutters something about a new course of action and disappears into the crowd, leaving Lexi to her own devices once again. She continues on with her previous activity: observing. Her eyes search for Rue but come up empty. This is typically how a ball goes for Lexi. She arrives with the Perez’s and her mother and Cassie, and then spends the rest of the evening alone until one or two stray suitors come to ask her to dance, none of which she ever finds particularly interesting, therefore pays little attention to. She drives her mother mad, but Lexi cannot fathom the idea of marrying a stale personality of a man just to secure her own future. 

A few moments surpass with no interaction, until suddenly a familiar face comes into Lexi’s line of vision. 

“Alexis Howard!” The voice calls, and Lexi quickly realizes that it’s Mrs. Bennett, Rue’s mother, and she feels the heat on her cheeks grow hotter. She envelopes Lexi in a tight hug then promptly pulls away. “My, my. You have grown into such a beautiful young lady. How are you, my dear? It has been far too long.” 

“Mrs. Bennett,” Lexi starts. “What a pleasure to see—.” Her sentence is cut short by the arrival of a gentleman who approaches Mrs. Bennett quickly. 

“Apologies, Mrs. Bennett, but it appears that Gia has fallen ill…” The man trails off when he lays eyes on Lexi, and she recognizes him immediately. Fezco O’Neill, the viscount—Lord O’Neill, as she’d called them when they were children. 

“Lord O’Neill, you remember Miss Howard, do you not?” Mrs. Bennett says. He nods slowly and bows, his eyes never leaving Lexi’s, and after a staggering moment she curtsies lightly. How many years have passed she’s seen him last? Surely over a decade…perhaps even fifteen years. 

“Of course,” he says, his voice gruff. “You are friends with Ruby Bennett, correct?” 

“Yes,” Lexi says. “We were school children together.” She feels a blush creep up her neck and tries to break eye contact, but finds it an incredibly difficult task. “My apologies, I don’t know why I said that…” 

“No worries, Miss Howard. One meets their friends in all sorts of strange circumstances, do they not?” His bright blue eyes are twinkling, and Lexi finds his kind words refreshing. She continues to stare at him a moment longer, attempting to count the freckles that rest above the red beard, until he turns his attention back to Mrs. Bennett. 

Their conversation loses priority in Lexi’s consciousness as she lays eyes on Rue once again. She quickly excuses herself and makes way across the room, only to be stopped by her sister halfway through. 

“Lexi,” Cassie giggles while she links their arms together. “Isn’t this the most magical night? I have danced with three men already, and each of them requested another dance! And I saw you talking to Lord O’Neill. My, has he grown into a fine young man…” Lexi cannot help but agree with her older sister. She scans the room for him once again, thinking that perhaps she would enjoy dancing with the viscount tonight. 

His eyes had been positively entrancing, and she quite liked the way he’d spoken to her, like her words are just as important as anyone else’s in the room. A rare trait in an English man, she must acknowledge. 

The music swells into a fast paced song, the dancers flying around in circles and laughing and smiling. Lexi loves to watch people dance, she thinks they look their most youthful. Though she is not too fond of dancing herself. But there are rules she must follow: if a man asks for a dance, she is not to turn him down.

Her train of thought seems to betray her, suddenly revealing a young gentleman with a most displeasing aura, and Lexi internally groans.

“Miss Howard; Miss Howard,” he says, a bow for each of them. “It’s a pleasure seeing you both here.” Lexi tightens her grip on Cassie, faking a tight-lipped smile.

“The pleasure is all ours,” she says with a slight bow. “Mr….”

The man before her seems displeased with her lack of knowledge regarding his name, and Cassie attempts to hide a snicker. Lexi elbows her hard.

“Lord Conolly,” he finally says, and Lexi raises her eyebrows, feigning recognition. 

“Oh, yes…of course.”

“Would you care for a dance, Miss Howard?” For the first time in Lexi’s life, she wishes a man’s affections were directed only and solely to Cassie, but unfortunately, Lord Conolly is looking right at her, hand extended.

“Um,” Lexi stammers, searching her brain for any excuse she can muster. “Uh…”

“I apologize, Lord Conolly, but it appears Miss Howard has already promised this next dance to me.” Lexi turns quickly to see a boy who is a little younger than her, probably no older than sixteen, with a faint circular scar under his right eye. In an instant, Lexi decides that this young boy is far better than Lord Conolly, and she accepts his hand with earnest gratitude.

“Yes, my apologies indeed, Lord Conolly,” she says quickly, and she is whisked away by the boy.

He guides them to the center of the dance floor and they bow before beginning their waltz, an upbeat tune that Lexi quite enjoys.

“Thank you for saving me…Mr…?” She finds herself inquiring a name for the second time that night.

“Ashton O’Neill,” he says, voice monotone, and Lexi looks at him with wide eyes.

“Your brother is Lord Fezco O’Neill, is he not?” Lexi asks. A sudden twinkle appears in Mr. O’Neill’s eye. She thinks she even sees a hint of a smile.

“Indeed he is.” He spins her easily and they make their way down the line of dancers. “I thought your name sounded familiar. The Bennetts and my grandmother were discussing you and your sister at dinner last night.” Lexi’s heartbeat is in her ears. Lord O’Neill and Rue were talking about her? “And you did me a favor as well. My grandmother says I must dance with two ladies tonight, and after we are finished my mission is complete.” Lexi laughs.

“So you are using me?” She teases. Mr. O’Neill mimics her playful manner.

“If you would prefer to dance with Lord Creepy I shall fetch him…” He makes a move to leave the dancefloor and Lexi reels him back in.

“That’s entirely unnecessary, Mr. O’Neill. I much prefer the company of a more…respectable young man.” He gives her another small smile and Lexi finds herself thrilled. She had heard once that the O’Neills had multiplied in numbers, but she had never seen the younger sibling of her childhood friend. Ashton O’Neill is hardly who she suspected. He looks far different from his supposed brother, and speaks much less eloquently than that of an average English gentleman. Regardless, Lexi finds his boyish charm endearing, and she is quite disappointed when their dance ends so soon.

“A pleasure, Miss Howard,” Mr. O’Neill says as they bow to the final chord of the song.

“The pleasure is all mine,” she says. The two of them leave the dance floor separately, though Lexi watches as he approaches an older woman–his grandmother, who looks just as stunning as she did fifteen years ago–with a cheeky smile. He then points over at Lexi, and the sudden eye contact with the viscountess has her feeling rather nervous.

“She may look scary,” an English accent says from behind her, “but she truly is harmless.” Lord O’Neill steps into her view, his blue eyes capturing her attention immediately for the second time that evening. Lexi feels a little light-headed by his presence, mildly alarmed at the physical effect he seems to have on her. It’s unfamiliar territory for Lexi.

He stands by her side, hands behind his back, and they observe his grandmother and brother as they chat animatedly. Lord O’Neill has a rather grounding presence, Lexi observes, and she finds quickly that she enjoys it much like she had as a child. She recalls one evening, when Rue’s mother was pregnant with Gia and experiencing insurmountable amounts of pain, Lord O’Neill had comforted her and Rue, telling them everything would be okay.

And here they are now, adults in society, and he still makes her feel the same way.

“Perhaps scary is not the most perfect adjective…but alas, I do not disagree,” Lexi says with a grin. Lord O’Neill looks down at her.

“I hope that you and your family are having a pleasant start to the season,” he says, and Lexi scrunches up her nose.

“I suppose…like my mother always says: what are rocks and mountains when compared to a husband? ” As soon as the words slip from her mouth Lexi regrets them. Make a sarcastic comment about marriage in front of a suitor…positively genius , she thinks to herself. But Lord O’Neill seems to take her words lightly, his eyes crinkling when he smiles.

“Pardon me, Miss Howard, but it is very rare to hear a young lady give her opinion so…ferociously.” Lexi blushes. 

“Well I suppose that if a young lady is expected to remain docile at all times that she should find creative ways to insert her thoughts.” Again, her words earn a smile.

“A harsh sentence said in a pretty manner seems much less harsh, does it not?” Lord O’Neill asks. Lexi nods as they stare at another. “You are fearless, Miss Howard. Truly inspirational.” 

Time suspends between them, and Lexi wonders if perhaps this season will be a magical one after all. 

~

Fez spends his night merely observing the crowd among him. He dances with two ladies, neither of which he finds particularly interesting, and decides that he will save his final dance for later. It is an unspoken rule for Fez, that he dances no more than three times a night, and there is no reason for him to break such a rule this evening. 

Fez’s anxious thoughts are interrupted by the sight of her, of Alexis Howard…Lexi, as he had once called her when they were children. He smiles a bit at the memory of her smacking his shoulder, “ That’s Miss Howard to you, Lord O’Neill ,” she would scold him. He quite liked to tease her, enjoying the blush that his using her given name would elicit. 

Much like he had thought at his first glance of her this evening, Lexi is stunning. She had clearly outgrown the tomboyish demeanor of her childhood and has grown to be a beautiful young woman. He had wanted to tell her how lovely she looked the second he saw her, but she continues to leave him stunned with her words. Her pleasant and respectable aura are met with a rather spitting tongue, but Fez would be lying if he said he didn’t find her small acts of rebellion charming. She had left him again, after he called her fearless, called by her sister and cousin to discuss potential suitors, he presumes.

“There is much potential in this room,” Fez’s grandmother says, coming to stand beside him. Fez nods silently, continuing his observation of Rue and Ash on the dance floor. “Your brother accomplished his mission rather swiftly. He has requested he return home with Gia and Mrs. Bennett.” Fez chuckles to himself, remembering their conversation from the carriage. 

“ You must dance with two ladies tonight, Ashton ,” their grandmother had said. Ash rolled his eyes. 

“ I am only sixteen ,” he’d said. “ I am in no position to take a wife —,” 

“ Which is why you will start practicing now ,” Marie said, and there’s a finality to it that makes Ash purse his lips. “ You are quite fond of Miss Gia, are you not? Ask her to dance .” Fez could practically see the steam rolling out of Ash’s ears, but he had done exactly what their grandmother asked of him. He danced with Gia, and then with Lexi. 

“Hmm,” Fez says in the present. “How many years do you think until he finally realizes that he is in love with that young lady?” Marie smiles, a rarity it seems to Fez, and he cherishes the moment. His grandmother has always been so serious, but Fez knows why. She is a woman in a man’s world, and there is not a moment that Marie is awake that she is not fighting for her authority. 

“Perhaps as many years as it will take for you to stop taking my foolish words verbatim.” Fez wishes he could roll his eyes, but he’d never do his grandmother the disservice. Instead, he tries to ignore her. Yes, he should probably let go of the forlorn advice she’d offered him many years ago, but for some reason he could not. “ Love is the one instinct you cannot trust ,” she’d said to him. She has since tried to admit the dramatic flare of words were nothing more than a weak moment. A crack in her steady demeanor. However, Fez doesn’t think she understands that though her words solidified what he had been feeling all his life, it was the actions of those around him that had sparked the idea in the first place.

“Perhaps indeed,” he says. They stand in silence for several more moments before Marie recognizes someone across the room, and she is gone. 

Fez strolls across the room to fetch a drink, and he bumps into Lexi again. It appears to be the running theme of the night.

“My lord,” she says. “My apologies, I was not paying attention to my step…” She trails off, her large brown eyes staring up at him. Something about her makes Fez’s chest constrict, and he admits that it’s rather frustrating to have such a visceral reaction to someone like this. Though there have been many opportunities, Fez never indulged himself in the pleasures of a woman, feeling as though it would be disrespectful to whomever he would one day call his wife.

Now, though, looking down at his childhood friend in front of him, he thinks he finally understands the temptation.

“Miss Howard, lovely to see you again. I was starting to miss you.” She blushes.

“Oh, please,” she says dismissively. “I hardly believe that.”

“Are you always this self deprecating, Miss Howard?” She looks at him, bewildered, and he thinks perhaps he has pushed a bit too far. But he wants to know: how did such a confident young child grow into such a self conscious young lady? He’s sure it’s connected to her father—he’d heard all the rumors years ago—but that is hardly a topic they should be discussing in public, let alone a ball.

“I…I never really thought much of it, truth be told,” she says. Fez notices her gaze flicker away from him, and when he follows it he finds Rue and Mr. Fitzgerald, Elliot, Fez thinks is his first name. Lexi appears distressed at the sight of their old friend, and Fez decides that though it may be none of his business, he would ask anyway.

“How long has it been?” She gives him a quizzical look, so he elaborates, “since you’ve spoken to Rue.”

Lexi sighs. “A long time. I never truly realized how much I missed her until I saw her again, but…let bygones be bygones, or so they say.” A weak smile spreads across her face, and Fez’s arm is moving before he can even register, like he was drawn to ask her.

“Will you do me the honor of dancing with me, Miss Howard?” She stares at him a moment, then her slim fingers slip into his, neither of them wearing gloves, and the contact makes blood rush to his cheeks.

He guides them to the dance floor, they line up across from one another with the rest of the couples. Nobody ever knows what is to play next on the queue, whether it be a lively country tune or a mellow string duet, and Fez holds his breath in anticipation.

The soft twinkle of a pianoforte creeps down from the balcony where the musicians sit, and then a cello strikes a romantically long note, the vibrato echoing in Fez’s brain, and he and Lexi begin to move in sync. He feels a bit of trepidation, knowing this dance is among one of the most intimate that could’ve been played.

Lexi moves lightly, her chest moving up and down, and she gracefully completes each step. Fez had always been indifferent about dancing. He never understood what exactly it was meant to do for him, what it was meant to convey and what was supposed to transpire. Truthfully, he’d always found them a bit awkward and redundant.

“I must admit,” Lexi says as Fez spins her around, “you are a much better dancer than your brother.” Fez chuckles, raising a palm to meet Lexi’s before they break away once more.

“Well, I must admit that you are the best partner I’ve had all night.” His words earn another blush, and Fez decides the rosy color looks cute on her cheeks and he will have to keep it going. His hands are at her waist now, her arms rested lightly atop his shoulders, and they spin in sync with the other couples. Her face is rather close to his, and he can see little green specs in her big brown eyes. It reminds him of the plants in his garden, an emerald green stark against the soft brown of the earth. Grounding…that was a good word to describe Lexi.

They turn out once more, opposite shoulders touching, and their gaze never breaks from one another.

“If only dancing was always this pleasant,” Lexi says.

It could be, Fez thinks to himself, because now it all makes sense. A partner with whom it feels they’ve been dancing their whole lives together makes a monumental difference in the art of dance. Their breathing lined up, their lips mere inches apart, and her scent swimming all around him. It is blissful.

A minute later the song begins to end, and Fez and Lexi resume their spots in the line of dancers, both bowing as the final low notes are drawn out. They exit the dance floor, and before Fez can say anything else he notices Rue across the ballroom, nodding off on a chair.

“Miss Howard,” he says quickly. “I must leave, but I wanted to tell you that dancing with you was the best part of my whole night.”

Her cheeks burn a beautiful red again. He bends to reach for her fingertips, presses a soft kiss to her knuckles, and then he makes his way toward his horribly ill-looking friend.

As he practically carries Rue out of the ballroom he steals one final glance at Lexi, laughing loudly at something her cousin has whispered in her ear, and for a brief moment Fez imagines a world in which Lexi Howard is his wife. 

But wishful thinking has never gotten him far, and he doesn’t plan to start now.

Chapter Text

The Bennett home is slow to rise the next morning. Fez has only slept a few hours, but when breakfast is called he cannot turn down the temptation to put some food in his empty stomach. 

They returned home very late the previous night, after Fez had convinced his grandmother that Rue didn’t eat all night and therefore was feeling incredibly light-headed. Luckily, she believed him and they were able to get home quickly. The Vaughns lived only a few streets over from the Bennetts. 

The dining room table is completely set in a buffet style with various meats, cheeses, breads, jams, jellies, and juices. The smell is positively intoxicating and Fez wastes no time digging in. He notices both Rue and Gus’s absences immediately, to which Mrs. Bennett informs him both girls are still feeling ill. He makes a mental note to check on Rue after breakfast is over. 

Marie and Mrs. Bennett chat animatedly about the debutantes and other suitors when Fez catches Ash’s eye. The two boys stare at each other a long moment before Ash’s scowl morphs into a smirk and Fez raises an eyebrow. Ash shrugs his shoulders and returns to his breakfast. Fez has a feeling he’s missing out on something. 

Before he can ask what the problem might be, he realizes that the two older women are staring at him. 

“Isn’t that right, Fezco?” His grandmother says. Fez’s fork freezes midair and he stares at her blankly. 

“My apologies, Grandma, I was not listening.” Mrs. Bennett and Marie share a snicker and Fez feels his face grow hot. 

“We were talking about how beautiful the Howard sisters looked last night. It has been years since I’ve seen either of the two girls,” Mrs. Bennett says. Fez doesn’t like where this is going. 

“Miss Alexis seems like a rather amiable partner, does she not?” Marie asks. 

Fez stays quiet a moment, wondering how he could possibly explain that the last thing he wishes to discuss is Lexi Howard. He’d made up his mind a long time ago: marriage for him would be a business prospect. He wishes to find someone with whom he can get along with, someone who won’t ask too many questions about where he goes and what he does, someone who he can rely on to stay out of his way. It’s the only way to keep his wife safe from his business. 

Fez was eight years old when he came to live with his grandma. He still remembers the day she came to get him: he’d been sitting in a brothel next to a kind blonde woman while his father was being entertained in the back. He remembers the door slamming open, Marie’s blonde hair shining in the dimly lit house, the pop of a gun, and then her hand in his, pulling him to safety. 

“You’re coming to live with Grandma for a while,” she’d said once they were in the carriage. Her hand ran over the bruised eye he’d been sporting for a week. “You’re safe now, Snowflake. It’s all going to be okay.” 

And it was okay, it was more than okay. Marie gave Fezco a formal education, fencing lessons, and a title. The viscount, the future of the O’Neill name, and when he was a few years older she introduced him to the family business. 

The O’Neill fortune is not of old money. Marie moved to England from Ireland when she was younger with a couple of pills and bags of powders and herbs that she would sell and keep herself afloat. She already had the status, her father was a viscount, so all she needed was the money. 

And the money multiplied quickly. By the time Fezco came into the picture Marie was one of the wealthiest people in England, and by far the wealthiest woman. Everything built from secret dealings, pills for property and powders for cash and even, in Ash’s case, a child. His mother left him as collateral and never came back, and Marie and Fez kept him and raised him as their own. 

His grandmother saved him from a life of turmoil, and Fez owed her everything. But their lifestyle was dangerous: one little whisper and their entire reputation would come crashing down. Since it’s expected of a viscount to bring home a wife Fez knew he’d unfortunately have to involve someone else, so he made a decision long ago that his wife would need to be as far removed from him as possible. Someone he liked enough to enjoy when he saw her on occasion. Nothing more, nothing less. 

“She was pleasant, I suppose,” Fez says, his mind wandering its way back to the breakfast table. Marie gives him a rather pursed look but doesn’t push the issue any farther. 

The rest of breakfast passes with light conversation, and once they are finished Fez makes his way towards Rue’s room. 

He knocks lightly on her door and after a moment of rustling it opens, revealing a very exhausted looking Rue. He steps into her room quietly, shutting the door behind him. It’s not appropriate for an unmarried man and woman to occupy an enclosed space with no chaperone, but Fez knows that he and Rue will not be in any trouble here. 

“Rue,” he says as soon as the door is shut. 

“Fez,” Rue says from under the covers. “Please don’t yell at me. I’m not in the mood for a lecture—.” 

“Perhaps a lecture wouldn’t be necessary if you hadn’t nearly passed out in the middle of a ball,” he says, exasperated. “You told me you needed the pills for a little while longer, just to help calm your nerves, but now I’m worried it’s gone too far, Rue. You are going to hurt yourself.” 

She refuses to meet his eyes for several moments. “It’s becoming so hard for me to feel normal.” Fez sighs heavily. 

“I know, kid. But your father would want you to move on—,” 

“It’s not my father ,” Rue snaps. “You’ll never understand, Fezco. You cannot possibly understand—,” 

“Then explain it to me,” Fez says, moving toward her bed. “Tell me what’s wrong and let me help.” Again, silence as she stares at the floor. 

“Please leave me alone,” she says. “I want to rest before we promenade.” Fez nods, and after another second opens her door and enters the hallway, leaving her alone. 

~

Lexi’s fingers flip through the pages of her book, trying to focus on the words. She’s the first one awake in the Perez household, aside from the cooks and maids, and has decided to occupy herself until breakfast is ready. 

They have a big day ahead of them, a promenade and then a trip to the opera. Lexi adored the opera, so much so that sometimes she imagined herself writing a script that’s brought to life on stage. She has been writing for as long as she can remember, but it’s unlikely it will ever become something. Women are not authors, and Lexi’s words are hardly worthy of being the exception. 

Beside her, Cassie begins to stir. In a few minutes she’ll be up and ready to chat about the previous night, but Lexi has a feeling she should not share her feelings with her sister quite yet. 

When Lexi was a girl she spent most of her summers with Ruby Bennett, and the summer she turned five she met Lord O’Neill for the first time. She remembered how much she liked his orange hair, and his thick northern accent that sounded much gruffer than her’s and Rue’s. They liked to explore together, especially out in the woods, and would spend most of their time outside. 

Even as a girl Lexi knew that Lord O’Neill was much too far out of her league to entertain the idea of marriage. Yes, she’d had a small crush, and, yes again, that crush is perhaps still lingering into her adulthood, but between her poor social status and the rumors that circled her father, Lexi doesn’t dare to get her hopes up. 

The Howard women were respected well enough. Suze came from a decently wealthy family but married below her means when it came to Augustus. They were in love, until one day Gus began to crumble under the weight of expectations and turned to improper means of reconciliation. Lexi hasn’t seen her father in years. They told everyone that he joined the militia in south France and would not return for years…it’s the best that Suze and Cassie and Lexi could come up with. 

So, securing a husband this season is the top of the Howard family’s to do list. Without a wealthy suitor Cassie and Lexi are doomed for a life of destitution, and though Lexi wonders if she really wants to maintain apart of the London social circle, she knows that securing her own future means securing her mother’s and sister’s, and she could not live with herself if she didn’t do everything in her power to help them. 

Right on cue, Cassie opens her eyes and yawns loudly. Her arms stretch to the sky and she looks at Lexi. 

“How could you possibly be awake before me?” Cassie asks. Lexi grins, turning another page in her book. 

“Because, I did not use up all my energy charming the town of London last night,” Lexi says teasingly. Cassie’s tired eyes twinkle with humor and she rises from the bed. A ladies maid enters the room moments later, ready to help the girls dress for the day. 

Back home, Lexi and Cassie dress themselves each morning. They do have one maid and one cook, but that’s all. Lexi doesn’t mind readying herself, especially now that it’s the only time she really gets to spend with her sister alone. They braid each other’s hair, tie each other’s corsets, and talk about anything and everything. Lexi is lucky to have a sister with whom she is so close with. 

Once they are dressed and freshened up they make their way down the stairs to the breakfast table, where everyone else waits for them. Maddy and her mother talk animatedly about the night before while Suze and Mr. Perez read the morning paper. Mr. Perez seems nice enough, but Lexi has heard enough grumblings from Maddy to know that he and Mrs. Perez are far from happy. 

Now that she thinks of it, does Lexi know of any couple who seems truly happy together?

She pushes the negative thoughts out of her mind and spreads butter on a piece of toast. 

“I spoke to Rue last night,” Suze says suddenly. Maddy and Mrs. Perez are still lost in conversation thankfully. Lexi doesn’t want to discuss such a sensitive topic so publicly. “She doesn’t seem to be doing well.” 

“Well,” Cassie says from beside Lexi, “we can hardly expect her to. She was so close with her father, and then after she died she pushed away every person who loved her! She left herself all alone.” Lexi’s ears burn, recalling the day that she came to visit Rue and was sent away. Rue never answered another letter and never called on Lexi again. It’s been years.  

“We all experience grief in different ways, Cassie,” Lexi says. Cassie rolls her eyes. 

“I’m completely aware of that, but it’s not unfair of me to say that she was cruel to you, Lexi. You’ve never been anything but a friend to her.” 

Lexi isn’t sure what to say, but Maddy pulls everyone’s attention when she brings up Nathaniel Jacobs. 

“He was so handsome and charming…and rich ,” Maddy says with a giggle. Cassie pats her hand affectionately and the two continue to chat about the handsome suitor. 

Breakfast ends shortly after and the two families pile into the carriage, ready for the promenade, a very important event during the spring season in London. Men and women would come from all over, dressed in beautiful gowns and top hats and perfectly shined shoes. They would walk down by the river, where small rowboats were available for perusing. There are few situations in which an unmarried man and woman can find themselves without the close company of an adult and promenade is one of them. Today is about charming a suitor with her words, a strong suit of Lexi’s. 

She fiddles with the ribbons of her dress as she exits the carriage. The warm sun blankets across her face and she feels her nerves calm as she observes the masses of people strolling along the paved path. 

“Mrs. Howard!” A voice calls, and Lexi’s breath catches in her chest when she sees Lady O’Neill approaching them swiftly, her grandsons and the Bennett’s in tow. Lexi’s eyes immediately find Lord O’Neill’s, who regards her with a warm smile that she returns. She looks to Rue, who appears to be distracted. 

“Oh, Lady O’Neill,” Suze says. “It is such a pleasure to see you again. How unfortunate we did not have a chance to speak last night!” 

“Well,” Lady O’Neill says, and Lexi sees a mischievous glint in her eye, “now is the perfect time. Let’s leave our eligible debutantes and bachelors to their own devices for a bit, shall we?” Without glancing at Cassie and Lexi and Maddy, Suze and Mrs. Perez detach themselves from their group and are off with Lady O’Neill and Mrs. Bennett. 

The young adults regard each other with slight awkwardness, until Rue is intercepted by Elliot Fitzgerald, the man with whom she danced the night before. He offers her his arm and she takes it quickly, then she is gone. 

Gia reaches for Ash as Maddy reaches for Cassie. “We will walk this way,” Maddy says, looking at Lexi. “Perhaps you and Lord O’Neill can venture on together?” 

“Maddy—,” Lexi begins to scold, but Lord O’Neill’s voice cuts her off. 

“Shall we?” He offers his arm and Lexi loops her hand around hesitantly. She’s wearing gloves today, but she can still feel the warmth radiating off him. She remembers his touch as a young girl, just as warm then as it is now. “We can keep an eye on these two.” He gestures  to Gia and Ash with a smile. 

Maddy and Cassie give Lexi a knowing glance before slipping away. 

For a few minutes they walk in a comfortable silence, observing the young couple in front of them. Lexi has always thought of Gia as another sister, and though she’s just met Ash this year, she finds his boyish charm quite endearing. He is clearly enamored with Gia. 

“Rue seems to be enjoying her company,” Lord O’Neill says suddenly. Lexi follows his line of vision to the couple across the way from them. Lexi watches the way her head bobs as she talks animatedly. He’s right, she looks happy. 

“An interesting pair indeed,” Lexi says. A small voice pipes up in the back of her head, willing her to talk to Lord O’Neill about the struggles she knows Rue is experiencing. But it’s not her secret, and it’s not her place. Instead, Lexi speaks of her own feelings. “I miss her.” 

She keeps her gaze forward but can feel his eyes on her. 

“Me too.” His voice is soft. “She was once so…full of life. Now, however, it’s like she’s an empty shell.” Lexi nods, she had a suspicion that this is exactly what might become of Rue. Cassie was right. Rue has been pushing everyone away. 

“My heart aches for her,” Lexi says, finding it rather difficult to keep her thoughts to herself in the presence of Lord O’Neill. “To lose one’s father so young…he was such a great man. Great men should not have to part us so early, do you not think?” 

Perhaps it’s a mere figment of her imagination, but Lexi feels Lord O’Neill’s arm tighten around her. She looks up at him and he down at her, their steps slowing in the process. 

“I’m sorry about Augustus,” he says, and Lexi can feel a lump form in her throat. No one ever brought up her father, not even their closest family. Lexi wonders how long it has been since she’s heard her father’s name spoken aloud. “Perhaps he will come back, one day.” Lexi shakes her head. 

“My father,” she begins, trailing off slightly. “He feels like I dreamt him up. A person that I have only seen in my mind. If he appeared today I’m unsure that I’d be able to recognize him. If he wrapped me in his arms I would not find solace in the scent of his shirt, his kind eyes would appear distant and shallow. No, he is not dead, but can he ever really come back?”

There is a long pause. Lord O’Neill’s brow is furrowed deeply, his lips tightly shut, and immediately Lexi regrets her small rant. They are promenading in a public space, this is the time to meet their future spouses. 

“I’m sorry, my lord. This is hardly appropriate—,” she is cut off by a smile spreading across Lord O’Neill’s face, illuminating his bright eyes even further. 

“Miss Howard,” he says, and for a second she thinks his eyes dart to her lips before looking at her directly, “you are never allowed to apologize to me again. For anything.” Lexi’s face feels hot, the lump still resting in her throat, but she manages to squeak out a small, “okay,” and they carry on in a comfortable silence before Lord O’Neill starts pointing out awkward couples around them. Lexi giggles at his antics, leaning even further into his arm. 

Today is a good day, Lexi decides. 

~

The opera is crowded, per usual, and Fez finds his seat easily. He waves to the Howard and Perez families, who are seated at the end of his row. When he leans in his seat he has a perfect view of Lexi’s profile. 

Their promenade had been almost delightful, if not for the nagging voice in the back of Fez’s head that he should not involve Lexi in his affairs. She has been through a lot, and Fez knows she deserves someone better than him. Someone who does not have to lie to her, someone who’s blood is pure and clean and offers zero room for any kind of scandal. 

He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he knew Augustus, that he used to be one of their clients. Once Marie found out who he was, however, she refused to sell to him any longer. Fez still feels guilty about it, much like he does with Rue. He wanted to help, but he knows now he’s only made things more complicated. 

He shakes the thoughts out of his head, instead allowing his eyes to linger on Lexi. She wears an emerald green gown, her hair dotted with small white pearls and a smile on her face. She laughs, and Fez is reminded of her laughter earlier that day, when he’d been trying his hardest to think of every humorous line he could muster. Fez is hardly known for his social abilities, but it is so easy with her . 

Beside him, Rue fidgets in her seat, fanning herself lightly. She doesn’t appear to be high, so Fez is having a hard time figuring out why she seems so nervous. He opens his mouth to pop the question, but then the performers step on stage, and everyone goes quiet. 

The first act passes quickly, and Fez finds himself laughing more than usual. He lies to himself, says that the writing is just incredibly well done, but he knows it’s because of Lexi and how animatedly she watches the show unfold. 

The second act opens, and a single soprano steps on the stage. A slow piano begins, and her voice begins to soar across the audience. Fez has never heard the song before, it’s in French, but he translates the meaning in his head as he takes in the lyrics. 

Would that the morn were unaware 

Of the name I told to the night, 

And that in the dawn breeze, silently, 

It would vanish like a tear . 

Rue stiffens beside him, and when Fez looks at her she refuses to meet his eye. 

Would that the day might proclaim it, 

The love I hid from the morn, 

And poised above my open heart, 

Like a grain of incense to kindle it . 

Fez finds himself thankful for the darkness in the theatre as the lyrics threaten to expose the emotions bubbling in his chest. He steals a rather obvious glance at Lexi, unable to help himself. 

Would that the sunset might forget, 

The secret I told to the day, 

And would it carry it and my love away 

In the folds of its faded robe . 

Fez watches Lexi’s vulnerable face, and as the last few taps on the piano settle over the atmosphere, he notices a single tear trail down her cheek. 

Before he can think any further of her reaction, Rue rises from her seat and exits the theatre. Fez shares a look with Mrs. Bennett, who doesn’t appear to have any idea of her daughter’s distress. Fez decides to handle the situation himself. 

As he steps out of the theatre and into the large hallway he calls out her name, “Rue. Rue!” He finds her once he turns a corner, her fingers furiously wiping at her wet cheeks. “Rue,” he says, much softer this time. “What is wrong? Please, talk to me.” 

She sniffles a few more times before finally standing up straight. Her dark purple dress accentuates her skin perfectly, and Fez sees a hint of the young girl he’d once been so close with. Maybe she has realized her faults , he thinks to himself. Maybe she is finally ready to be clean and happy . 

But things never go according to plan. 

“I’m getting married,” Rue says, and Fez feels like the rug has been pulled out from under him. 

~ 

Inside the theatre, Lexi finds herself completely enthralled by the beautiful soprano’s voice. She can see Lord O’Neill from her seat, and is unable to focus solely on the stage in front of them. The lyrics strike her hard in the chest, and Lexi feels a tear roll down her cheek as the song commences. 

She turns to look at Lord O’Neill once more, but he is no longer seated. Instead, he heads for the door that Rue has just exited. Lexi fights the urge to follow them in the hallway, as it is none of her business. 

She remains in her seat for the entirety of the performance, quickly taking note of Lord O’Neill’s reentrance during the third act. He catches her staring, but she doesn’t look away, thrown off guard by his intense look. The actors are bowing, the audience giving wild applause, and Lexi begins to feel a tad claustrophobic. 

“Pardon me,” she says to her mother. “I need some air.” The hallway is much cooler, and Lexi takes a moment to take in a deep breath, feeling a bit frazzled by the events of the past two days. 

A loud sniffing interrupts her thoughts, and Lexi follows the noise around the corner. 

Drug use is not a topic covered in a formal education, but Lexi is well versed due to secondhand experience, so she does not question the scene in front of her. Instead, she observes Rue, rubbing at her nose nervously, standing beside a pile of white powder crushed on the windowsill, with a horrified expression. 

Before Rue can say anything, Lexi is turning quickly on her heel. Being caught by anyone in this particular scenario would positively destroy her entire family’s life, and Lexi could never be so selfish. When she rounds the corner she finds it flooded with people. She pushes her way through the gentlemen around her and finds her mother, looping her hand through Suze’s arm. 

“It was beautiful, wasn’t it?” Suze asks her daughter. Lexi nods, unable to form words as she makes eye contact with the viscount. She watches as his eyes narrow, and she realizes that they both now carry the same secret. 

A secret Lexi wishes she never had to learn.

Chapter Text

Sometimes, when Lexi closes her eyes, she escapes into a dream that comforts her like a warm blanket. A dollhouse at the turn of the stairs, Rue’s curly hair bouncing as they run through the tall grass, Augustus’s arms reaching to envelop her in a warm embrace, and Fezco’s soft touch pressing a cloth to her skinned knee. 

She compares her memories with the current reality, finding it troublesome to picture young Rue with a white powder dusting her nose. Lexi wonders if she has done something wrong, accidentally uncovered an ancient secret or sold her soul without knowing, because how could she possibly have the people she loves slip away from her all at once? Her once high hopes for the season have quickly diminished, cast away like the pale pink dress she’d dawned at Rue’s wedding. Her cheeks are raw with tears, and she throws herself into bed, desperate to escape in her sleep to see the faces she wishes were as kind to her now. 

~ 

The next few weeks are a frenzy at the Bennett household, and the O’Neill’s stay to help with the wedding prep, much to Fez’s chagrin. The morning after the opera Mr. Fitzgerald arrived for breakfast, and Rue made an announcement to the whole family. Mrs. Bennett cried, Gia and Marie looked ecstatic, even Ash had a small smirk, but Fez couldn’t bring himself to find joy in the moment. 

“Whatever are you talking about, Rue? The only person you’ve spoken to…” He had trailed off the night before, in the hallway outside of the opera. “Elliot Fitzgerald?” He asked accusingly. Rue nodded her head, staring down at the ground. “You’ve hardly known him a week—,” 

“He has offered me something I cannot refuse, Fezco. So I accepted his proposal. What’s done is done.” She sounded defeated, the exact opposite of how someone should feel after an engagement. Fez tried to push further, but when Rue whipped out a velvet bag full of pills he immediately reentered the theatre, wanting no part in her usage. 

He was not planning on speaking to her for the rest of the night, until he saw the ghastly look on Lexi’s face after she entered the hallway…he’d yelled at Rue the second they were alone again. 

“You let her catch you? Do you have any idea how that would ruin her family?” He asked incredulously, once they returned home and everyone else was sound asleep. 

Rue looked irate, and high, when she spoke, “It’s not my fault Lexi likes to stick her nose where it doesn’t belong. You cannot be serious about her anyways, Fez, we both know you’re too much of a coward.” Her words stung, although there was undeniable truth to them that began to eat away at Fez’s consciousness. She was right. Should he really continue to entertain someone with whom he has no intentions of marrying? 

He didn’t say another word, just stormed out of her room, and they haven’t really spoken since. The wedding is tomorrow, and he has a horrible feeling in his gut about the entire affair. 

They’d been discussing the itinerary for tomorrow when Fez excused himself to step outside. The Bennetts have a small courtyard, a rare find in London, and he stands on the balcony overlooking the greenery. He enjoys London well enough, but it hardly compares to his home up north. A pond with a fountain, grazing horses and cows and bunches of flowers sprouted among the landscape. Sometimes, when Fez is feeling particularly sentimental, he imagines the halls filled with children’s footsteps, a wall of paintings of generations and generations of proud O’Neills, his face being the first one in line. He could create a legacy. He could create a loving home with walls that hold memories and conversations for centuries, he could create a family for himself. 

But Fez knows he could never forgive himself if he ruined his family’s reputation. He is indebted to his grandma and grateful for her love, but he would not wish the secrets he had to bear on anyone, let alone his own flesh and blood. 

He turns on his heel and enters the dining room once more, but this time everyone’s eyes are trained on him. 

“I hope everything is alright…” He trails off, all other words lost on the tip of his tongue. Mrs. Bennett looks between him and Rue for a moment. He thinks he sees a tear in her eye. 

“Rue has suggested that you walk her down the aisle, Fezco,” Marie says. If not for the serious faces of those around, Fez might have burst into laughter. He had spent all night yelling at Rue and yet her feelings regarding his protectiveness have not wavered. Fez knows that deep down Rue appreciates everything he and his family have tried to do for her, but he hardly expects her to make such a grand gesture as the aforementioned. 

He glances at Rue, but she will not meet his eye. This is her way of apologizing, he realizes. 

“I’d be honored,” he says, and finally looks at him, a small smile on her sweat-sheened face. She’s high. 

Fez cannot return the smile so he nods sharply and returns to his seat, drowning out the voices of the women around him. 

~

“I’m expecting a proposal by the end of this week,” Maddy says, pulling a needle through a piece of fabric. The girls have all gathered in the drawing room, Lexi with a book, Maddy with embroidery, and Cassie with a pencil and paper, drawing a bouquet of flowers that sits on the mantle. 

After they returned from the opera, Lexi went straight to bed, claiming a headache had overtaken her and she needed to sleep it off, but the truth was that she couldn’t get the sight of Rue dusting white powder off of her nose. A million thoughts circle through her mind. How long has Rue been using drugs? Where does one even get such a product? Lexi is sure it was easy for her father to track down someone with the means to provide for him, but she imagines an unmarried woman would have quite a difficult time accessing such illegal products. 

It’s been a few weeks since that night, and after Lexi received the news of Rue’s upcoming nuptials she grew even more confused. 

“Lexi.” Cassie’s voice pulls her from her thoughts and she directs her attention back to the two girls.

“Yes?” Lexi asks. A smile spreads over Cassie’s face. 

“See,” she says to Maddy, “I told you she’s thinking of  Lord O’Neill. Completely lost in thought!” 

Maddy cocks her head to the side and observes Lexi, like she doesn’t quite believe Cassie. “I don’t think so,” Maddy comments. 

Lexi’s cheeks burn. Cassie would be cross with her if she told her she was thinking about Rue, as Lord O’Neill has been the hottest topic between the sisters as of late. She’s seen him a few times since the night of the opera, neither of them admitting to any of the forbidden information they have been plagued with, and Lexi felt a tinge of awkwardness that hadn’t been there before. She likes him, it’s undeniable at this point, but he hasn’t made any steps to further a relationship at this point she doesn’t believe he will at all. 

“I’ve been thinking about my book,” Lexi says, holding the novel up for both the girls to see. “It’s quite intriguing…” Cassie and Maddy share a knowing glance but leave Lexi alone, continuing with their previous conversation about Nathaniel Jacobs. 

A few hours pass by in peace, but when a ladies maid appears to begin getting the girls ready for the wedding madness erupts once more. Maddy and Cassie tear through all of Lexi’s dresses, and when Maddy decides she doesn’t like any of them, she lends Lexi a deep purple gown with intricate beading and a pair of long white gloves. 

Cassie excuses the maid and braids Lexi’s hair herself. When Lexi questions their sudden interest in dressing her up Cassie scoffs. 

“We are helping , Alexis,” she says. “You are wanting to catch Lord O’Neill’s eye, right?” Lexi blushes and Cassie smirks. “That’s what I thought.” 

“You need to stand out,” Maddy says. 

“Today is Rue’s day, not mine,” Lexi argues and Maddy waves a dismissive hand. 

“Nonsense, everyone knows that a wedding in the spring season is practically another ball. They’ve invited hundreds of guests to the Fitzgerald home; they can’t expect everyone there to have pure intentions.” Lexi smiles a tad, but doesn’t argue any further. Arguing with Madeleine Perez never ends in anything other than a loss for her. 

Cassie puts one final pin in Lexi’s hair and spins her around to look in the mirror, Lexi’s breath catching in her throat. 

“Oh, my…” she says. “I…thank you, Cass. And thank you, Maddy.” The two girls smile down at her for a moment, and then they are off to throw on their own dresses. After a final look in the mirror for all three of them, they make their way down the stairs and into the carriages. The Fitzgerald estate sits just outside the heart of London, about an hour away, and Lexi settles in comfortably with her book. Her mother and Cassie exchange a few sentences here and there, but for the most part they are rather quiet. 

It’s days like today that Lexi knows she will miss the most when she and Cassie are married. Sometimes, in the quiet of the night, Lexi glances at her sleeping sister and feels a pang of heartache knowing that she will never be in the same home as her again, that their time together as siblings under one roof is soon coming to an end. 

When they finally arrive at the Fitzgerald home Lexi and her family are greeted by a line of footmen, wide stone steps dotted with plump bushes, large white pillars that spring from the ground and carry the weight of the entire building. There are dozens of carriages behind them and in front of them, the stairs covered in attendees dressed their very best, and suddenly Lexi feels nervous. Would her own wedding be this large? Surely it would depend on how rich her fiancé would be, poorer couples have much smaller weddings. She tries to imagine Rue waltzing down the aisle with all eyes on her. It seems like a far-fetched dream rather than a reality to come true in under an hour. 

The sweet swell of violins fills Lexi’s ears as they climb the steps, the warm sun shining on her back, and she links her arm through Cassie’s, who gives her a small smile. Once inside, Maddy is greeted by the Jacobs family, Cassie by the McKay family—more specifically, their eldest son, Christopher—and Lexi spots Ash across the large entryway, who gives her a nod and a small bow. Her eyes look for Lord O’Neill, as they have been trained to do since the night they reconvened. She doesn’t see him though. 

Cassie excuses herself for a moment, leaving Maddy and Lexi to find a seat when they enter the ballroom, decorated with long wooden benches and beautiful flowers. They sit towards the back, and Lexi thinks that, had Rue never pushed her away, she’d feel more comfortable sitting in the second or third row. 

“This is incredible,” Maddy says from beside her. 

“Definitely,” Lexi agrees. “This home is just…breathtaking.” Maddy turns to her with a sly smile. 

“I’ve heard the O’Neill estate is one of the most beautiful in the country, the Bowood House, is it called?” Lexi blushes furiously. Maddy has been far from subtle when it comes to Lexi’s interest in Lord O’Neill, and though Lexi appreciates the support, she’s nervous all the same. 

Maddy is right, of course, the Bowood House is said to have immaculate gardens and architecture, and if it’s anything compared to the Fitzgerald home in person…Lexi can only imagine the beauty. 

“I need to powder my nose,” Lexi says. The ceremony will begin shortly and then they will be glued to their seats for over an hour. 

Lexi walks nervously down the large halls, turning the corner and pushing on a door that a footman instructed is the washroom. Her fingers grip the cold metal of the handle and the wood is heavy under her movement. As soon as the handle clicks she hears rustling, a string of curse words, and then that of a panicked woman whom she’d recognize anywhere. 

She should shut the door. Shut the door, walk away, and not even dare to look at who or what is on the other side, but nevertheless, Lexi’s curiosity gets the best of her. 

The scene is set as such: 

Juliet Vaughn—Jules, they apparently call her—sitting atop a cherry wood vanity with her beautiful silk gown hoisted all the way up, revealing her long legs. 

Rue, kneeling in front of her in only her dressing gown, hair mussed and cheeks flushed, staring wildly at her intruder. 

And Lexi, standing in the doorway with a bewildered expression, yet when she looks back and forth between the two girls and puts it all together, she thinks that, now, everything makes complete sense. 

“My apologies,” Lexi croaks out. “I didn't mean to interrupt—,” she turns to quickly leave but her wrist is caught by Rue, who looks at her pleadingly. 

“Lexi,” she says, and Lexi wants to cry at the sound of her name escaping Rue’s lips. It’s been years since they’ve spoken, and she honestly never thought they would again. “This is not what it appears—,” 

Behind her, Jules begins to giggle. Rue gives her an irritated look. “Nonsense, Rue, this is exactly what it appears to be.” She jumps down from the vanity and throws the silk dress back down her legs and fixes her hair. “I’ll leave you two alone,” she says, and exits the room quickly. 

They watch as she slips out and down the hall, then stare at each other for a long moment. 

“Lexi,” Rue starts again, but Lexi shakes her head. 

“You don’t owe me any explanations, Rue. Really. I don’t need anything from you.” She doesn’t mean for the words to come out so cold, but she can’t help herself. Between the drugs and the illicit affair happening right under everyone’s noses, Lexi finally understands that Rue’s life has taken a turn that did not allow Lexi’s presence to linger any longer. 

“No,” Rue says. “I do. I’ve been trying to speak with her since the night at the opera, but I’ve been so busy.” 

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone about anything I saw,” Lexi says bitterly. 

“Don’t you want to know why?” Rue asks. “Aren’t you the slightest bit curious?” Lexi shifts uncomfortably in her spot by the door. 

“You’re going to be late,” is all she responds with. Rue nods slowly and lifts her white wedding gown from the floor and holds it out to Lexi. 

“Can you help me get ready?” Hesitantly, Lexi reaches to grasp the thick beaded fabric in her fingers. She unravels the gown and holds it out for Rue to step in, and then she begins to lace the corset. 

“Does he know?” Lexi asks on behalf of Mr. Fitzgerald. 

“Yes.” 

“And that is why you’re marrying him?” 

“Yes.” She finishes lacing the corset and ties it in a perfect bow. Rue turns to face her. “Elliot has offered me a good life, he doesn’t want children, and he doesn’t care how many visitors I have. And truthfully, I enjoy his company. He’s a good friend.” 

“And the drugs?” Lexi has to ask. 

Rue’s eyes avert to the ground, she lets out a long sigh. “I’ve been a mess my whole life, Lexi.  I need help.” 

“I could’ve helped. I wanted to be there for you and you pushed me away.” 

“I know,” Rue says. “I’ve regretted it everyday since, if it makes you feel any better.” Lexi takes in the words slowly, savoring every bit of emotion on Rue’s face before she finally cracks a small smile. 

“I cannot believe Ruby Bennett is marrying one of the richest men in the country.” Rue laughs. 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she says, pulling Lexi in for a tight hug. “But we really must get out there before anyone gets suspicious.” 

Lexi passes Rue off to Lord O’Neill just before the violins begin to sing. He gives her a bewildered look, to which she responds with a small shrug, and finds her seat next to Maddy and Cassie. 

There are tears in her eyes when Rue comes sauntering down the aisle. She looks nervous, and Lexi can see that her iron grip on Lord O’Neill’s arm is the only thing holding her up, but once she reaches the top of the aisle she seems to relax. 

Vows and rings are exchanged, the priest pronounces them husband and wife, and the crowd cheers. Once Rue and Mr. Fitzgerald exit the room everyone is ushered into a second ballroom—and Lexi thinks that it’s a bit ridiculous for a home to have a second ballroom—and food and dancing commence immediately. 

Maddy approaches Cassie and Lexi with three glasses of champagne. 

“To Rue,” Maddy says. “Of all my childhood friends, she is the last person I expected to marry first.” Lexi laughs and moves to clink glasses, but Cassie hesitates a second behind the two of them. Lexi gives her a strange look, sees a hollowness in her sister’s eyes, and decides to file away her questions for later. 

“Miss Howard,” a voice calls from behind her. “May I have this next dance?” Lexi turns and recognizes an old friend, Ethan Lewis. 

“Mr. Lewis!” Lexi all but squeals. “It’s been so long!” 

“Indeed,” he says with a smile. His dark blonde hair glints under the light of the chandelier and Lexi recalls how it had been much lighter when they were children. The Lewis family lives only a few miles from Lexi, and though she still writes to him on occasion, his travels have kept him away from London for a few years. 

He looks at her expectantly and Lexi remembers his question. “I would love to dance with you,” she says, passing off her champagne flute to Maddy who looks at her with mild alarm. Lexi wants to roll her eyes, she knows Maddy is only worried because it’s not Lord O’Neill asking her to dance, and takes Ethan’s hand. 

They approach the dance floor as he fills her in on his travels to Greece and Italy. He asks how her sister and mother are doing, if she’s had a pleasant start to the season, and “Isn’t it crazy? I never imagined Rue Bennett running a home so large!” They dance to an upbeat tune, making it harder to talk, but then he asks for a second dance. Lexi glances around the ballroom for a split second, searching for Lord O’Neill. 

She doesn’t see him, so she accepts Ethan’s offer. 

~ 

Fez stands at the edge of the ballroom, far enough away to remain hidden from the majority of the crowd. He feels a migraine creeping on and knows it will not be long before he is ready to retreat back home. 

He sips idly on a glass of champagne and observes as Ash obviously and painfully attempts to flirt with Gia. He chuckles to himself, recalling the baby that had once been left in their drawing room. 

“ His mother will be back tomorrow ,” Marie had told him. Fez put the pieces together rather quickly: Ash was left as collateral. He’d cried the whole night, and when none of the maids were able to calm him down Fez took matters into his own hands. Ash slept in his room that night, and every night after for the next year. Once he was old enough Marie insisted that he get his own room, his own clothes, and that they raise him to be an O’Neill. They are not of the same blood, but that hardly matters to Fez. Ash is his brother, and he raised him as such. 

Though Fez has little plans for himself—other than maintaining the fortune and business—he has high hopes for Ash. He wants to see his brother travel, see him marry, have children, and live a happy life. Few people in England ever make it beyond the means with which they are born, but Fez knows Ash can do so much more. 

Perhaps one day Ash will marry Gia, and Fez can spend the holidays with Rue and Elliot. That seems enough for him. It will be enough.

His eyes are drawn to the dance floor—he’s lying to himself, they’re drawn to a deep purple gown that’s been swimming in his line of vision all day—and he winces when he sees her smiling with another gentleman. Fez does not know him, but he seems kind enough. This is good , he thinks to himself. There is someone else for her . 

“You’re staring,” Ash says, suddenly appearing next to him. 

“I’m merely observing,” Fez says, taking another sip of champagne. 

“Do you like her?” Fez doesn’t answer. “Well, you can’t marry her,” Ash says. “It will go against everything you believe in.” Fez wishes they were in the privacy of his home so he could smack his brother upside the head. 

Ash is right, of course, marrying Lexi would only cause more issues for himself and his family in the long run. 

“Ash,” Fez says, exasperated, “I do not wish to speak of this at the current moment.” 

“Fine,” Ash says. “I just wanted to ensure we are both on the same page.” 

“Of course we are. Besides, she’s too poor,” Fez says, hoping his lie will satisfy Ash enough to shut him up. “And her family has far too many scandals for my liking.” 

Ash nods, finally satisfied, and drops the topic. Fez opens his mouth to suggest that Ash ask Gia to dance when he hears a rustle behind him, and a flash of deep purple crosses his view and disappears into the hall nearest to him. 

He excuses himself and follows after her swiftly, cursing under his breath. 

~

“ She’s too poor, and her family has far too many scandals for my liking .” The words strike through Lexi’s chest, piercing her like a spear. She isn’t meant to hear them, she knows Lord O’Neill would never say such crass words to her face. He’d wrap them in a much nicer package, spewing a few lines about nobility or something of the matter, but the words would still sting her. They would still have the same meaning. 

The scene is too much for Lexi to process immediately, and so she runs. Out of the ballroom, down the hall, and into the cool night air. Her chest is heaving, her breath shaky, and Lexi feels as if she might pass out at any given moment. 

When she reaches the clearing of the porch and enters the gardens, she stops running. She lays her hand on the cool stone wall to steady herself, taking in her surroundings slowly, and realizes that she has once again stumbled upon a secret she is never meant to discover. 

“ Cassie ?” Lexi asks incredulously. They break apart quickly—Cassie and Nate Jacobs, that is—and Lexi thinks there is no worse person to have caught her sister in this garden. The front of her corset is untied, revealing a large portion of her cleavage, and Mr. Jacobs’ lies crumpled on the ground next to them, his hands resting on Cassie’s waist. 

“Lexi,” Cassie starts, “it’s not what you think—,” 

“Oh, dear Lord,” Lexi says, throwing her hands in the air and quickly running back towards the porch. Cassie calls her name but she ignores her. Lexi wants to be alone , far away from anyone else who will reveal their secrets to her. 

Rue and Jules…Cassie and Nate. What other scandals are there to uncover tonight? 

Her legs feel heavy as she climbs the steps and realizes her wishes for solitude will not be granted. 

“Miss Howard, are you alright?” It’s his voice, Lord O’Neill. Lexi turns slowly to see him walking towards her, red beard gleaming in the moonlight. 

“Um…yes. Yes, yeah, I’m sorry—,” 

“I thought I told you: no more apologizing,” he says with a smile, and Lexi instantly deflates. It’s sprinkling out, a breeze just cold enough to send goosebumps over her arms. The porch of the Fitzgerald estate is dotted with large white pillars, and Lexi almost giggles at the thought of Rue Bennett living in a place so grand and so beautiful. If she couldn’t have the person she wanted, Lexi was happy that she would at least have a large home to gloat about. 

They are facing the back of the estate, out onto the expertly groomed courtyard, and Lexi takes a moment to allow herself to breathe. Her fleeting emotions are making it difficult for her to choose a course of action. She wants to punch her sister, cry for Maddy, cry for Rue…but when she glances over at Lord O’Neill to find him already staring at her, she is overcome with another emotion entirely. 

Suddenly, Lexi feels exposed, like her every thought has been plucked from her head and is now available for Lord O’Neill’s perusing. 

“Thank you for checking on me,” she says quietly. “I’m afraid I’ve had a rather…nerve wracking day, so to speak.” The corners of his mouth lift slightly and Lexi’s anxiety spikes in her chest once more. How can someone make her feel so comforted yet so hurt at the same time? 

“It’s my pleasure, Miss Howard,” Lord O’Neill says. Lexi had realized when they spoke how often he said her name, like he was tasting her on his tongue with every syllable, and it struck right through her every time. 

But she’d heard him earlier, when he spoke with his brother. He didn’t want a wife, he didn’t want Lexi, so why was she not running from his presence? 

“I’m afraid I should get back…” she trails off, attempting to make her way inside, but her wrist is caught by his calloused fingers, scorching the bare skin. It is the first time he’s touched her without permission. 

“Miss Howard.” She can’t meet his eye, she realizes that he knows she’d overheard him. “I wanted to clear up—,” 

Lexi scoffs, finally meeting his eye. “That’s ridiculous, my lord. You have absolutely nothing to clear up. There have been no promises, no engagements, nothing. You do not owe me anything.” The words are escaping her lips rather harshly, but she cannot help herself. It stings her, knowing he’ll never return her feelings, but Lexi knows it’s better to find out now. She would hate to entrap herself in a marriage only to end up unhappy like every couple she knows. 

His hand still grips her wrist, knuckles white, and he pulls her closer to him. She inhales sharply, acutely aware of how this might look if someone were to catch them, but for a moment she doesn’t care. His scent swims around her, all she can see are freckles and blue eyes, an intense sheen covering them like a blanket. 

He doesn’t say a word, but instead tucks a stray curl behind her ear with his free hand. Her eyes flutter shut at the contact. 

“Lexi…” he whispers, and the use of her given name sends a flash of anger through her veins as she opens her eyes to find him digging into hers. 

She writhes from under his grip and takes a step back, composing herself almost instantly. “Please,” she says quickly. “Remember that you are supposed to be a gentleman, Lord O’Neill.” His eyes widen at her sudden jerk of emotion. She has never regarded him with such coldness before. “And it’s Miss Howard , to you,” she digs one final line before stalking inside, leaving him to stand alone on the patio. 

She finds Ethan quickly and boldly asks him to dance. His eyes light up and a tinge of guilt passes over Lexi, she is asking for a dance as a distraction, but she cannot say that aloud. 

There is so much now that she cannot ever say aloud. 

Chapter Text

Fez writes, more than he’s ever written before, until it drives him nearly mad. 

It has been two weeks since Rue’s wedding. Two weeks since Lexi had told him to leave her alone. Two weeks since he has heard from her. He tries to explain himself: he has sent her a total of four letters, none of which garner any kind of response. He doesn’t blame her, his explanation is so weak he begins to question it himself, but he wishes she would at least say something . 

He decides after the twelfth day that he will obey her wishes and cease sending her letters. 

“We will have guests for dinner tonight, Fezco,” his grandma says, stepping into the study. She never knocks, and Fez has never asked her to. The room was hers just three years ago. Marie had taken care of all of the accounts until Fez was twelve and began to learn. When he was twenty she finally allowed him to take it all over. 

Fez sets down his quill and leans back in the chair, observing his grandma’s weary eyes. “How are you feeling?” He asks, though he knows she will say everything is fine. 

“Quite fine, do not worry about me. Have you finished balancing the books? I know you are leaving tonight.” Fez nods. Rue invited him to stay with her and Elliot now that she is finally settled in. They haven’t spoken much since the wedding, and Fez is wondering how she’s handling her new life. 

He’s also wondering if she needs more drugs.

“Good,” Marie says. “Laurie will be dining with me tomorrow, so I want to make sure all of our accounts are in order.” 

“Laurie?” Fez asks. “You didn’t tell me she was coming.” Laurie has been their supplier for as long as Fez could remember. She unsettles him. Regardless of the situation, Fez had never seen Laurie display an emotion more heightened than mere content. She comes flocked by large men anytime she makes a house call, and she always expects a grand dinner and the best wine before she collects her biannual dues. Fez supposes their supplier could be a worse person, so he counts his blessings with the one they have been graced with. 

“No need to worry,” his grandma says flippantly. Fez wants to argue but he does not, instead he pretends to put away his letters while he observes her. 

For the past few months Fez has seen her grow more and more weary. She wakes later in the mornings, turns in for bed earlier at night, and seems to struggle with mundane things like standing and walking. Her wit, though, is strong as ever. Fez hopes his mind will be as clear as hers when he is her age. 

He joins her and Ash for supper before loading his bag into the carriage and heads off to Rue’s. Luckily, she resides not too far from his home up north. He takes a quick look at the vast gardens they maintain and smiles, thinking that Lexi would surely enjoy the scenery as much as she would the fully stocked library next to his study. 

He cannot get her out of his head, and he isn’t sure what to do about it. 

He arrives at Rue’s just as the sun begins to set. She greets him on the steps, and Fez takes quick notice of how her skin glows in the orange hue of the sun, her hair seems more well-kept and shiny. Perhaps this marriage is a good thing after all. 

“I am so happy you’re here,” Rue says as he exits the carriage. 

“Thank you for the invitation.” They link arms and climb the steps, stepping in time together. Fez has missed her, he realizes, and he hopes his stay with her only solidifies that feeling. 

“There is one thing I forgot to mention…” Rue begins as they enter the large double doors, but she is cut off by footsteps approaching them. 

“Rue,” she calls, and the voice sends a chill up Fez’s spine. Lexi emerges from the dimly lit hallway, stepping into the warm rays of the sun like an angel sent from heaven to greet him. She wears a light blue dress, her hair loosely tied into a braid, the sun turning her brown eyes into a beautiful golden hue. 

He wishes to remain in this moment forever, just the two of them, but then her eyes crinkle into a look of annoyance, shattering his hopeful thoughts. 

“Lord O’Neill,” she says sharply. Fez notes that she doesn’t bow as she has usually done in the past.

“Miss Howard,” he says. “What a pleasant surprise.” 

“A surprise indeed,” she says. Rue looks back and forth between her friends for a moment, then slides in to break the ice. 

“Well, I’m so glad you’re both here, it’s very important to me that Elliot have the opportunity to spend quality time with two of my dearest friends. I hope we can put our differences aside…” 

“Of course,” Lexi says, and Fez nods in agreement. There is very little he wouldn’t do for Rue. 

The next morning, after a very silent and awkward breakfast, Rue corrals everyone into the foyer and ushers them outside. 

“Come along everyone,” Rue says. “We are meeting my mother and Gia for promenade.” They all hurry into the carriage for a short, yet silent ride. Fez attempts to meet Lexi’s eye, but she seems determined to only stare out the window. 

When they arrive at the park Fez takes quick note of how many people there are. It is much more crowded than usual. 

“Ah, there’s our lovely bride,” Mrs. Bennett says as she approaches Rue and Elliot. Fez has decided that he quite likes the young man, even if he does seem a bit strange. Mrs. Bennett guides the small party along the paved walk by the river, only for them to be interrupted by a face Fez does not wish to see. 

“Miss Howard,” Mr. Lewis says, eyes lighting up. “What a surprise to see you.” He regards the rest of the group with a small bow. He hardly takes his eyes off of Lexi. 

“A surprise indeed,” Fez says before he can stop the words. For the first time since last night, Lexi turns to meet his eye, as if to give him a warning. Fez holds his ground. 

“Would you like to join me, Miss Howard?” Mr. Lewis asks, holding out his arm. Fez has half a mind to tell the kid he’s already asked her to join him, but he doesn’t. Instead, he watches as she nods lightly and slips a hand through his elbow. As they waltz away and strike up a conversation immediately. 

Fez lets out a huff.

Rue comes beside him and nudges his arm, asking for permission, and he raises it to walk with her. In front of them, Gia and Mrs. Bennett walk on either side of Elliot, laughing as he recounts a story.

“I thought you couldn’t marry her,” Rue says suddenly. Fez furrows his brow at her. “Oh, don’t act so innocent. You have been enamored with Lexi since the night of my wedding. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” 

Fez stares ahead, unsure of how to avoid this conversation at the present moment. But he knows Rue is right: his mind has been overrun with thoughts of Lexi since the night at the ball. And now, watching her laugh with another man, Fez realizes how royally he’s screwed this up. 

“I’m worried,” Fez says. “I promised myself I could never involve anyone in my business—,” 

“Fez,” Rue cuts him off, “you know that no matter who you marry they’ll have to be involved in some way? You’ve subjected yourself to a life of being miserable for no reason!” 

“Perhaps you’re right,” he says. “But I do not know what to do now.” 

Rue remains silently thoughtful for a moment, before opening her mouth. “Marriage is important for a girl like Lexi, she wants to be in love but she needs to be taken care of. If you wait too long then she’ll have to choose someone else.” 

Fez guides her hand as they turn the sharp bend on the pavement. 

“I wish I had more time,” he says, looking across the park as Lexi animatedly tells a story that Mr. Lewis eagerly listens in on. 

“I’m afraid you might not,” Rue says. And again, Fez thinks she may be right. 

~

“I thought I might find you out here,” Fez says, stuffing his hands into his pockets. After they arrived back at Rue's she had disappeared, and he wondered if she’d gone outside. She sits on a fallen tree stump, a book in one hand and an apple in the other. A lump forms in Fez’s throat at the sight of her distress. Perhaps he should leave her alone. 

“I prefer to read outside,” she says awkwardly. He stands still for a moment, allowing the stiff air to pass between them, hoping it’ll swell into a more comfortable feeling. 

Rue’s words echo in his head, “ Marriage is important for a girl like Lexi, she wants to be in love but she needs to be taken care of. If you wait too long then she’ll have to choose someone else .” She had spewed words that were far from comforting, but Fez knows she only wants what’s best for him. 

“ The Wild Irish Girl ,” Fez reads from Lexi’s book. “One of my grandma’s favorites.” She turns the novel over in her hands, glancing at the cover and then back at Fez with a small smile. 

“Sydney Owenson is quite good,” she says. “Not as good as the Brontë sisters, though, but I will give her credit where credit is due.” 

“Do you still write? I remember your stories when we were children, I always quite liked to hear them,” Fez says suddenly, grasping at straws for any bit of relief from her harsh gaze. 

Lexi’s cheeks grow red and she ticks a stray hair behind her ear. “Sometimes. Though it’s mostly poetry now, it is far more acceptable for a woman in society.” 

“Well,” Fez starts with a smile, “you’ve never been one to follow a strict code of conduct.” She doesn’t respond, simply stares at him with those large brown eyes that could swallow him whole if he allowed it. “I wanted to offer my apologies, Miss Howard. I said some things that are not true and that I am not proud of.” She shuts her book with a loud snap. There’s a fierceness in her eyes he hasn’t seen before. 

“Then why would you say it?” There’s more hurt in the words than anger, and he hates himself for it. 

“I—,” 

“Because your reasons are all valid, Lord O’Neill. You are correct: I am poor, and my family is not as respected as most in London, so I would prefer that you stick with one narrative instead of pretending like—,” 

“I only pretend because I must,” Fez interrupts, though it’s a little half-hearted. “You do not understand—,” 

“I don’t need to understand,” Lexi says with finality. “Your opinion of me can no longer be my concern.” Fez stares at her for a long moment. 

“I do not know what it is you mean to say,” he says, furrowing his brow. 

Lexi sighs deeply, looking over her shoulder and behind Fez’s as a blush creeps up her neck. “Mr. Lewis has proposed…and I have accepted.” 

Fez had mapped out this conversation, scripted out several different ways in which he would be able to explain to Lexi that he had never meant to upset her, but none of those scripts included this particular outcome. Fez searches for something, anything , to say but comes up empty. 

“I’m sorry,” Lexi says, her eyebrows drawing together in pain. 

“No. You have nothing to apologize for,” Fez says, stepping back. “I’m the one who is sorry. I should not have intruded…”

“My lord—,” Lexi starts, but he is already walking away. 

~ 

Lexi huffs and leans back against the tree stump. She watches Lord O’Neill’s silhouette climb the steps to the Fitzgerald home and disappear in the large double doors, his shoulders hunched as if he’s been defeated. She feels terrible, like she has told him some horrible news, but if he never planned to marry her in the first place then why would he be upset? 

She attempts to read her book once more but is far too distracted, her mind wondering between Rue and Cassie and Lord O’Neill and Maddy and how everything has become so tangled. In the weeks following Rue’s wedding the Howard’s returned home and entered a state of madness. Cassie decided to completely self-destruct in the wake of her torrid affair with Nathaniel Jacobs. She appears during the peaceful moments and shatters them with her eruptions of hysteria, asking vague rhetorical questions and getting frustrated when Suze doesn’t understand and Lexi refuses to answer. Only after seeing Cassie writing a disgustingly desperate letter to Mr. Jacobs did Lexi finally speak up. 

“This is ridiculous, Cassie. You are acting like a complete imbecile.” The words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them, but they felt good. Lexi never spoke her mind so bravely before. 

“You don’t understand!” Cassie yelled. “He loves me—,” 

“If he loves you then he would marry you, Cassie, not take advantage of you in a private courtyard and then dance with our cousin mere minutes later. Do you not see how awful this is? Do you not understand how much you’ll hurt Maddy?” 

“Maddy will understand,” Cassie said, looking increasingly frustrated. Lexi couldn’t think of another word and decided to leave her sister to her own devices. 

A few nights later, while eating dinner, Suze commented on the bags under Cassie’s eyes, thus igniting another explosion. Cassie cried and yelled on and on about the likelihood of ever finding a suitable husband, that good people sometimes do bad things, and that everyone needs to stop pretending they are better than her. Once she finally stormed away, having eaten none of her food, Suze turned to Lexi with a sigh and summed up Lexi’s feelings perfectly, “Oh, she needs an exorcism.” 

The next day Lexi received a letter from Rue to come stay with her, which she hastily accepted and left that evening. She had been looking forward to spending some time with her long lost friend (and some peace and quiet away from Cassie), but when she arrived to meet Lord O’Neill at the front door, she knew it would be a long two weeks. The unarguable truth eats away at Lexi. Every night, she closes her eyes only to see him and his blue eyes and cropped red hair. The freckles that dot his face and the heat of his face near hers, the strong grip of his fingers on her wrist, and she wishes she could forget him entirely. 

She has tried to expel him from her mind, making lists of all the reasons Ethan Lewis is a much more preferable husband to Fezco O’Neill. 

The attempts are futile, at best. 

1. Ethan is wealthy enough to care for her (not as wealthy as Fezco, and he is not the eldest son).  
2. He has a great sense of humor, very easy to talk to (but her chest does burn when he laughs the way it does when Lord O’Neill finds her funny). 
3. He is handsome and will make an excellent father (though, it’s not as easy to tell like it is with Lord O’Neill—he’s already raised a child). 
4. He will put up with her family and is unashamed of her. 

And it is that pesky fourth reason wherein Ethan crushes Lord O’Neill in all aspects. Lexi could live a happy life with Ethan—she will live a happy life with him. 

She hurries inside, deciding that writing a letter to Maddy will clear her mind of any doubts she carries. 

She’d received a letter from Maddy the morning she left for Rue’s, but she hadn’t the heart to respond to it quite so soon. 

My dear cousin, 

I write to you in earnest desperation. Mr. Jacobs has become so distant and quiet, though he still calls at least once a week, but I’m beginning to wonder if he has found another debutante to court. Of course, if that is the case I know I will have no trouble finding another suitable young man, but he is far more handsome than any other bachelor in London this season, do you think not? 

Have you spoken to Cassie recently? She has not returned any of my letters and I need advice on a rather inappropriate matter. 

With love and affection, 

Madeleine Perez  

Lexi wrestles with her conscience. Her heart tells her to warn Maddy of Nate and Cassie’s affair, but her head tells her to do otherwise. Cassie will be ruined if rumors of a premarital affair begin to circulate, and Lexi will be ruined as well. Is it worth it to ruin her entire family for Maddy’s happiness? She wants to say yes, she wants to do the right thing, but Lexi isn’t so sure what the right thing is anymore. 

~

Dinner is quiet. Fez sits across from Lexi, attempting to catch her eye but failing miserably. He sips on sour wine and pushes his food around on his plate. The air is thick, threatening to suffocate him as he tugs on the collar of his shirt. He hears a snicker beside him and looks to see Rue and Elliot exchanging coy smiles. Fez kicks her ankle. 

“Ouch,” Rue says in a hard whisper. Fez gives her a hard look. 

“So, Miss Howard,” Elliot says, eyeing Fez, “how did you meet Mr. Lewis?” As if it were possible, the air grows even thicker. 

“Um,” Lexi starts, “we grew up together. His family resides only a few houses down from mine.” She copies Fez, taking a sip of wine and pushing food around. 

“He was always such a nice boy,” Rue chimes in, Fez wants to kick her again. “And he has grown up to be quite handsome, don’t you think Lexi?” Fez watches as she averts her eyes to food. 

“He has a very…pleasant face indeed,” is all she says.

“Well I am hoping for a proposal soon,” Elliot says. Fez freezes to his spot immediately. 

“I—,” he starts, but is interrupted. 

“We shall wait and see,” Lexi says hurriedly, giving Fez a very pointed glare. “No use worrying about such a thing right now.” The conversation shifts as Elliot asks Lexi more questions about her childhood and about Rue as a young girl, but Fez cannot be bothered to entangle himself in such a rapport at the moment. 

She hasn’t told anyone else ? He thinks to himself. Suddenly he inflates, feeling far less despondent than he did when she broke the news to him earlier in the day. He is sure a proposal is something Lexi Howard would not hesitate to announce. She must be questioning her decision. 

Fez sits through the rest of dinner in the same silence he entered with, except this time his mind is racing with a plan. He doesn’t need time anymore, he needs to know what Lexi’s reservations may be regarding her upcoming nuptials. He needs to know if her reservations have anything to do with himself. And he needs to know if he has the slightest chance to change her mind before it is too late. 

Once the plates are cleared and the wine is finished, Elliot invites them into the drawing room to play for them. He picks up a guitar, made of a beautiful cherry wood, and strums for a while. Rue and Lexi chat about childhood memories while Fez pretends to read, plucking a novel by Charlotte Brontë in a most purposeful manner. Every so often he chimes in on their stories, reminding them of moments he had been involved in, and every time he catches her eye. After a few hours of Lexi growing more and more frustrated, she finally announces she will head to bed. 

Fez allows her to leave the room before excusing himself, earning some eyebrow raises from the peanut gallery. He ignores them. 

“Miss Howard,” he calls when he enters the hallway. She’s a ways away from him, but he knows she hears him when her body stiffens. She continues to walk anyways. Fez picks up the pace. “Miss Howard,” he says again. “If you have a moment—,” he catches up to her and she pulls him into a dimly lit side room. Portraits of the Fitzgerald men line the walls, each of them eerily similar in appearances to Elliot. 

“I know what it is you’re doing,” Lexi says, standing as far away from him as the small room allows, “and I do not appreciate it.” 

“I haven’t the slightest clue what it is you mean,” Fez says as nonchalantly as possible. His legs itch to be nearer to her. 

“Please, my lord, you have done everything in your power to…to embarrass me. I am to be married—,” 

“Well,” Fez interrupts, slowly moving closer to her, “if that’s the case, then why haven’t you told anyone else?” He can see her swallow hard, watches as a shade of crimson crawls up her neck and flushes into her cheeks, her eyes skating to either side of them, checking for any bystanders. 

“I don’t see how that is any of your business…” she says, trailing off. Fez continues his slow approach. 

“It’s not,” he says. “I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need a friend to talk to…I’m always here.” 

Lexi backs up until she hits the wall, then she holds up a finger. They are almost touching now. “I don’t need someone to talk to. Especially not you.” Fez wants to chuckle at the sheer nervousness that has overtaken her eyes, but more so, he wants to capture it. Paint it into his skin and drown himself in the deep brown pools until he can see nothing but Lexi, Lexi, Lexi…

He stands over her now, watches as her chest heaves, and brings his fingers to tilt her chin. His eyes drop to her lips and drag back to her eyes. He sees a fire where there was panic, a desire where there was pain, and dips his head to breathe her in and whispers so close he almost touches her lips, “Then I suppose we have nothing else to talk about.” 

After a lingering moment he drops his hands and gaze and releases her from his grip. 

With a small bow, Fez turns to exit the room, feeling his heart rapidly beating against his chest, so hard he can feel it in his ears. It takes everything in him not to sprint out of the room and disappear down the hall. 

But before he can evaporate into thin air, a hand catches his wrist, and he turns to see her frazzled yet determined, and her lips are on his. Fez hesitates a moment. Nervous to move until he’s sure she won’t pull away immediately, but when her arms snake around his neck he cannot resist, and his hands land on her waist. 

He opens his mouth to deepen their kiss, sliding his tongue across her bottom lip. She lets him in, and he feels his head begin to buzz. The taste of wine and tea fill his mouth, the feel of her fingertips igniting his neck and shoulders, and there is so much to think and so much to feel but Fez can’t complete a single thought. All he knows is Lexi and her lips and her small waist and the softness of her hair when he slides a hand into it. 

It’s over before it begins, and she pulls away from him quickly. 

“I—,” she begins, both of them breathing hard. “I’m so sorry.” A hand flies to her lips, and she looks at him in panic. 

He wants to say something. To tell her it’s okay—that it’s more than okay—and that he’s sorry too. 

But she’s out the door in seconds, and Fez’s buzzing head finds it difficult to move or think, still stunned by the butterflies flitting in his stomach.

Chapter Text

Lexi wakes with a start. 

Fingers, pinching into her shoulders, shake her to consciousness. 

“Lexi, wake up.” It’s Rue’s voice, her curly hair silhouettes against the moonlight streaming through the window. She couldn’t have been asleep for long, she thinks. Lexi brings her hand to rub her temple, a headache pulsating through her skull. 

“What’s wrong? What is it?” She asks groggily. 

Rue holds up a white piece of paper with her name on it. Lexi’s heart drops. “A letter just arrived for you.” 

A letter in the middle of the night is never a good sign, especially when she recognizes her mother’s thin scrawl. She reaches out a shaky hand and gingerly grasps the note. Rue stands to leave but Lexi motions for her to sit back down: whatever the letter contains she’s sure she doesn’t want to endure it alone. 

With a low breath Lexi unfolds the letter, reading only the first two lines before she crumples it in her fingers. Dread flushes down her entire body when she makes eye contact with Rue. 

“It’s Cassie,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “I need to leave right now.” Rue takes her hand, gives her a tight squeeze, and then everything becomes a whirlwind. 

A ladies maid joins them in the guest bedroom, helping Lexi dress and pack up her belongings. She knots up her hair in a quick bun, willing away the tears that sting the back of her eyes. Rue excuses herself to fetch a footman and carriage. Lexi snaps the lid of her suitcase shut. 

The dimly lit hallway blankets her in a comforting disguise as she pads swiftly and lightly, attempting to make as little noise as possible. She’s sure Elliot is awake with Rue, but that’s not who she’s hiding from. 

Seeing him in the middle of the night, in the middle of a near breakdown…Lexi cannot fathom such an embarrassing encounter. 

She reconvenes with Rue in the large foyer, where she waits with Elliot. 

“Miss Howard, please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help,” he says. Lexi offers him a tight-lipped smile. 

“Thank you for everything. Your kindness will not be forgotten on my end.” She bows to him and Rue leads her outside, down the steps, and helps her into the carriage. 

“Please write to me,” she says. “And if you would like to come back and stay you are more than welcome.” 

Lexi squeezes her hand tightly and the carriage pulls her away and into the night, where she is plunged into a lonely trip and is finally free to let her tears fall. 

When Lexi was younger, she was jealous of her sister’s relationship with Maddy. Though they always tried to include Lexi, she could never understand them in the acute manner in which they seemed to read one another’s minds. “Two peas in a pod,” her mother had called the cousins. Yes, Lexi was always there, but on the outside. 

And now, sitting in the back of Elliot’s carriage, Lexi wonders how she can possibly repair the broken friendship that she believed stronger than any other. 

When she arrives home she is greeted with the same chaos that she had left it in, however, this time Maddy is present. Lexi has never been so displeased to see her dear cousin. She is fierce and passionate and portrays those qualities now as she yells in Cassie’s face words that Lexi thinks a lady should not even know , let alone speak aloud. 

Lexi’s heart beats so loudly in her ears she can hardly make out her sister’s hysteric cries. They stand in the drawing room, Suze between the two cousins and Mrs. Perez behind her daughter. 

“Girls please, let’s take a moment to calm our nerves,” Suze says, failing miserably to calm the situation. 

“How dare you?” Maddy asks Cassie accusingly. “How could you do this to me?” 

“Cassie,” Lexi says, and everyone in the room notices her for the first time. Cassie’s eyes widen in fear, Maddy softens a tinge, and her mother looks positively relieved to see her. “What on Earth is going on?”

“She—,” Maddy begins, but Mrs. Perez places a hand on her arm, quieting her rage. All eyes are on Cassie now. 

She is shaking, clearly terrified, and Lexi wishes with all of her might, prays to every god she’s ever read about, and wills the universe to not let the words slip from Cassie’s mouth…to not confirm the one thing Lexi knows they cannot recover from—

“I am with child,” she says, staring at the ground. “Mr. Jacobs’ child.” 

“Oh, Cassie,” Lexi says, her heart breaking into two. She rushes to envelop her sister in a hug and her tears fall even faster. 

“He said he loved me,” Cassie cried. “He said that he would marry me.” The words are barely audible through her bone chilling sobs, and Lexi holds onto her tighter as she loses all sense of stability and becomes limp in her arms. She looks at Maddy over Cassie’s shoulder. 

“Where is he?” Lexi asks. Maddy shakes her head, looking gravely conflicted. 

“I do not know,” she says. “I haven’t seen him in several days. He has not responded to my letters.” 

Lexi searches for a plan in her mind, wondering if there is any solution to the horrific problem they have encountered. Rumors circulated when their parent’s relationship shattered, looming over them like a dark cloud. But this …an unwanted pregnancy with no father in sight…they are ruined. Simply ruined. 

For a brief moment—a selfishly brief moment—Lexi’s mind flashes to Lord O’Neill. He will never love me now , she thinks to herself, and it eats away at her. 

“We will take care of this,” Mrs. Perez says from the corner. Lexi releases Cassie from her grip. 

“Mother,” Maddy starts. “What are you hinting at?” Mrs. Perez purses her lips and turns to Suze. 

“We will bring Cassie back to London and I will ensure she is taken care of.” The mothers regard one another for a moment, almost as if they are sizing each other up, but Suze cracks first, nodding slowly. 

“Cassandra.” She turns to her daughters, resting her hands on Cassie’s shoulders. “Pack your things. You leave for London tonight.” 

“I will go with her,” Lexi says. “I must go with her.” 

She sees tears in her mother’s eyes. Mrs. Perez and Maddy hurry out to the carriage, Cassie follows their ladies maid up the stairs, and Lexi is left with her mother. 

She reaches to wrap her hand around her mother’s arm, squeezes it gently, and Suze looks at her with sad eyes. 

“Where did I go wrong?” She asks quietly. Lexi’s brows crinkle together. She’d spent so much of her life judging her mother’s antics, annoyed with her persistent talk of husbands, but now Lexi thinks she understands. She has only done what she knows is best. 

~

Their time in London is quiet. The morning after they arrive a doctor visits and spends hours in Cassie’s room. Lexi asks to be with her but Mrs. Perez won’t allow anyone other than herself to observe the procedure, and when Lexi hears her sister’s muffled screams, that selfish part of her is thankful she does not have to witness it first hand. 

Cassie spends several days afterwards in bed. Suze comes to join them, two days later, and is relieved to see Maddy and Lexi never really left Cassie’s side except to eat and sleep. Lexi is grateful for Maddy. She has not spoken a word of Cassie’s betrayal, and Lexi knows she is hurting, but she remains a loyal friend through it all. 

Lexi wishes she could return to the turmoil she thought herself to be in at Rue’s. That pain is far more bearable than what she takes on now. The baby is gone, Cassie’s secret remains safe between the four women, and their family is safe from ruin. So, why does Lexi feel so miserable? 

After the third day of recovery Cassie begins to move around, and on her fifth day she receives a caller. Suze and Mrs. Perez attempt to shoo the young man away, but Cassie insists that she come down to visit him. Lexi recognizes him immediately, Christopher McKay, and her heart swells when she watches her sister’s eyes light up for the first time in weeks at the sight of him. 

It is that moment, watching Cassie come back to life at the mere sight of him, that Lexi realizes the cause of her misery. And she knows what it is she must do. 

~

Dear Rue, 

The dust has finally settled between Cassie and Maddy, though I do believe their relationship is left rather scarred. 

Cassie has accepted a proposal from Christopher McKay. They are to marry at the end of the month. Maddy has yet to find another suitor…I fear her heart is broken far more than she is letting on. A small part of myself wishes it were Maddy getting married, but I am happy for my sister nonetheless. 

As for myself, things are much like they usually are. There is nothing to really tell. I am looking forward to the season ending so I may spend some quiet time with my mother—and no, I am not being facetious in saying such a thing! 

I hope you and Elliot are still getting along swimmingly, and please send my love to Jules. 

Alexis Howard  

~

Fez, 

It appears that things between the Howard sisters have settled down, and that their cousin has decided to let the entire ordeal go. You told me this was none of your business, but I thought it would be helpful to know. 

Miss Howard is getting married! However, not the one you are thinking of. There has been no mention of this supposed engagement to Mr. Lewis from Lexi. Perhaps this is a sign, Fez, that you may still have a chance after all. 

With all my love and affection, 

Ruby Bennett

~

Miss Howard, 

I hope this letter finds you and your family in good health. Rue has told me that there has been an emergency, and if there is anything I can do to assist, please do not hesitate to ask. I would be more than happy to help. 

I would also like to offer my apologies for my behavior over the past several weeks, most particularly during your last night at the Fitzgerald estate. It is unfair of me to bother you, to insist upon your attention so greedily, and I do not wish to cause you any more harm than I might already have.  

As stated before, please let me know if you require any assistance in any way. 

Yours, 

Fezco O’Neill

~

Three weeks after they arrive in London for Cassie’s procedure, Mr. McKay proposes and the Howard’s are invited to dine with his family. A celebratory dinner amongst friends , he had written in his invitation to Mrs. Howard. 

The McKay’s reside in the country, not far from the Howard home, and Cassie frets all morning after her attire. 

“Surely the McKays will be just as kind as their son,” Suze says while Cassie tries on her third dress. Lexi quietly agrees, a smidge of jealousy washing over her as she sees the fondness in her mother’s eyes. It is true: Christopher McKay is about the kindest, most polite gentleman Cassie has yet to encounter, and Lexi thinks he could not have arrived at a more perfect time in their lives. 

Her jealousy, though, stems from knowing her mother would be just as charmed by the likes of Lord O’Neill as she would be by Mr. McKay. More charmed, perhaps, because of his title and wealth. 

Lexi shakes her head, letting out a small sigh. It’s been over a month since her torrid dealing with Lord O’Neill at the Fitzgerald home and Lexi cannot shake him. She wakes at night, coated in a thin sheen of sweat, her thighs pressed tightly together from the ridiculous dreams she conjures up in her sleep, and longs for the feeling of his hands on her again. She has surely gone insane, as there is no other logical explanation. 

Cassie finally settles on a baby blue gown, releasing some ringlets around her face and allowing Lexi to pull her hair into a softly braided bun. They regard one another in the mirror for a moment. Lexi raises her eyebrows, silently asking if Cassie is okay, to which she nods with a soft smile. 

“I feel as if everything is suddenly falling into place,” she says. Lexi wishes she felt the same. 

They arrive at the McKay estate only a few hours later, greeted by his lovely parents and younger brothers. Much like the Fitzgerald home, the McKay estate is lively and beautiful, held in the family for many years and clearly well taken care of. Though Lexi’s childhood home is far from shabby, it could appear rather dull in comparison to the massive stone structure that stands before her now. 

The large foyer is decorated with a crystal chandelier and marble floors, sectioning off down two hallways. Every wall is dotted with expensive artwork and the occasional bust, their family crest painted in black smack dab in the middle of the shiny floors. Tall windows dressed with heavy velvet curtains, and she is so engrossed in the decor of the home that she fails to notice her group has abandoned her. 

She turns to listen for footsteps, but when they reveal a group she is unsuspecting to find in the McKay home, Lexi’s heartbeat picks up wildly. 

“Lexi!” Rue calls, rushing to meet her in the center of the entryway. “I’m so glad you’re finally here!” 

Behind her trails Elliot, of course, and Lord O’Neill and his grandmother. Lexi’s eyes find his hands immediately, remembering what they felt like on her, and she has a sudden urge to dash out the front door and take the carriage all the way home. 

She bows to each of them in respect, not oblivious to the careful eye with which Lady O’Neill watches her. 

“How lovely to see you all,” Lexi says. “Though I must admit, I did expect to find such company tonight…” 

“Don’t you know?” Rue asks, a sly smile on her face. “Elliot and Mr. McKay have been acquainted their whole lives! And since Fez and Lady O’Neill were traveling through the country on business we thought it would be a perfect opportunity for a reunion.” Lexi rolls her eyes, this now being the second time Rue has ambushed her. The mischievous glint in her eyes makes Lexi’s stomach churn. 

She is seated between Lord O’Neill and his grandmother at dinner, Rue making wild eyes at them the entire time. Luckily, there are over a dozen people dining with them, so the conversation manages to stay away from her until Elliot chimes in. 

“That name sounds quite familiar. You are friends with Ethan Lewis, are you not Miss Howard?” She is sure everyone at the table can feel the heat radiating off of her, watches as Rue lays a subtle smack on Elliot’s leg, and she is frozen in fear. 

“Alexis,” her mother says when the pause has officially become awkward, but she is saved by a northern accent that speaks up on her behalf. 

“We were all friends,” Lord O’Neill says, “when we were children. I haven’t seen him since he left for his travels to Greece. You’ve been to Greece, have you not Mr. McKay?” And the conversation shifts away from Lexi once again. Relief washes over her and she steals a glance at Lord O’Neill, who is staring daggers at Rue and Elliot. She looks away quickly. Even when he’s angry he’s still so handsome . 

She tells herself she is not to spend another moment alone with him. 

Lexi has never been particularly good at taking her own advice, though, which is how she finds herself cornered in another room with Lord O’Neill. 

She had disappeared down the hall after dinner was finished, the rest of the clan gathered in the drawing room for tea, after making pointed eye contact with Lord O’Neill. 

“My lord,” she begins as soon as they turn the corner of the hallway. He looks left and right, certain no one is around to disturb them. “I wanted to thank you for your letters and apologize for my lack of communication.” He stands several feet away from her, his blue eyes burning into her own. 

His posture is rigid, hands firmly behind his back, and Lexi wishes he would ease up. Wishes he would relax, but understands that he cannot. He is alone in a dark hallway with a girl he has no intentions of marrying. 

“There is nothing to apologize for, Miss Howard. Your family needed you.” 

“That is not the only thing…” She trails off and watches as his eyes skit nervously around. “I am aware that you have no intention to marry me, you have made yourself perfectly clear, so I had no reason—,” 

A harsh sounding laugh escapes from his mouth, cutting her off. “You still don’t understand, do you?” She gives him a puzzled look. “Yes, I said some stupid things, but I am held to a certain standard that differs from that of an average gentlemen. I am a viscount. I have responsibilities and characteristics to maintain and must ensure that whomever I decide to marry—,” 

Lexi cuts him off, finding his entire spiel ridiculous. “I am completely aware that marriage is simply a business proposal—,” 

“And it is expected of a viscountess to have the proper education, good family standing, fortune, and uphold the same standards which I am subjected—,” 

“You seem to have a rather harsh list, Lord O’Neill,” Lexi says, realizing that they’d be slowly gravitating toward one another during this heated debate. He’s now close enough for her to catch a scent of cigar smoke on his jacket. “While I admire your boldness of traits, I cannot imagine a woman who will meet all of your requirements.” Something dark flashes in his eyes. He opens his mouth to speak, hesitates, then shuts it. Lexi wonders if there is something else he is not telling her. 

“Neither can I,” Fez says. “I think perhaps I myself didn’t even know what it was I was truly looking for.” A long pause between them ensues. Lexi feels as if he’s searching through her brain, sorting through every thought she’s ever had in interest of learning everything about her. She feels a prick on the back of her neck. “Perhaps I should have just listened to the little voice in the back of my head, instructing me to open my eyes and see what’s been right in front of me all along.” He steps closer to her, gingerly wrapping his fingers around her own, and Lexi’s breath hitches at the contact. She is stepping into dangerous territory.

“My lord…” She trails off as he tucks a curl behind her ear, his hand brushing her jaw. For a second, Lexi is despondent, for she will never be able to write of the feelings she has in this moment. She will never be able to convey the sheer energy that courses through her when she bravely brings a hand to Fez’s chest, his heart beating wildly under her palm. “We cannot–,” 

“No, we can’t,” Fez agrees, yet neither of them move a muscle. If anyone were to walk in and see them in such a compromising position Lexi would be ruined. She is sure that Fez is aware of that, so his next actions baffle her. 

His lips are there before she can dodge them, smooth and hot and pressed hard against her own. He grabs her waist, his large hands almost covering the entirety of her rib cage, and she shivers at the contact. Her arm snakes around his neck and brings him closer to her, the front of their bodies completely pressed together. She feels that familiar pulsing between her legs, a sensation that both frightens and excites her in ways she never knew possible. 

Fezco opens his mouth, his tongue running along her bottom lip, and Lexi mimics his every action, earning a deep guttural sound from the back of his throat. Fezco is quite taller than her, and Lexi finds herself bent at an uncomfortable angle to reach his lips at such a close proximity, but the aching in her lower back could be from a multitude of things. 

He pulls away momentarily, breathing heavily and staring into her eyes, and she feels exposed. Like a wild animal who is being tamed for the first time. Or, perhaps, a domesticated one being set free. His hand abandons her waist and delicately tucks a strand of curls behind her ear. 

“Lexi…” He whispers, and something about her given name sends a wave of bravery coursing through her, and she is on his lips again, greedy for the taste of cigars and mint. She feels for the knob of the door closest to them, opens it to reveal a small room dotted with sculptures and busts, and he kicks the door shut. He spins them around, pressing her back against the back of the door. She feels his thigh between her own, his knee pressing against her cunt, and Lexi thinks she may die then and there. His lips leave her own and he is descending toward her neck, sucking and kissing and licking in a way she had never known could be so arousing, and honestly…the entire ordeal feels so overstimulating that Lexi wonders how much longer she can hold on before it goes too far, past the point of respectability. 

The air is thick with desperation and when Fez begins to untie the strings on the front of her dress Lexi finally gives in, running her hands along his back and pushing his jacket off his shoulders and onto the ground. The heavy coat lands with a thud just as the strings of her top are completely unraveled, and Fez pulls apart the fabric with ease. Her nipples are hard against his palms, and he takes one into his mouth. 

Lexi moans loudly. Without leaving her breast Fez covers her mouth with his hand, and when she stops moaning he slides his thumb carefully against her tongue and Lexi begins to suck. It’s erotic in a way that seems illegal…well, it practically is. 

“So perfect,” Fez says in a husky whisper. “Alexis Howard, you are so perfect for me.” 

Shivers crawl up and down her entire body, covering her in goosebumps. She reaches to pull his shirt over his head when a knock sounds loudly at the sound. 

Lexi gasps in surprise and Fez slaps his hand over her mouth, pressing her against the door with even more ferocity, covering her as if to hide her from the intrusion. 

“Fez! Lexi!” It’s Rue. She bangs on the door again. “Hello? Is anyone—,” 

“Go away!” Fez calls, his voice hoarse. The pounding stops, and after a moment Rue speaks again. 

“It’s about Marie,” she says. “I need you to come with me now.” He removes his hand from Lexi’s mouth, yet doesn’t break away from her any further. Their chests are heaving in sync, Lexi looking completely ravished under the pale light of the moon. If not for Rue’s voice haunting his every thought, Fez knows he wouldn’t have enough power to pull himself away from Lexi. Her cheeks burn bright as she quickly laces up her dress and Fez shrugs on his coat. 

He opens his mouth to speak, to tell her that he will be back for her, that he has promises he needs to declare, but she stops him. 

“You must go,” she says. And he nods, unable to form any words at the present moment. 

He exits the room first while Lexi finishes tying her dress back together and her mind flashes to Ethan. Sweet, lovely Ethan who has been one of her dearest and most loyal friends. The guilt is starting to eat her alive. 

Before she exits the room she catches a glimpse of herself in the large mirror, unable to recognize the reflection staring back at her. 

When she opens the door to the hall she immediately hears frantic voices and picks up her pace to join the group in the drawing room. 

She is hit with an overwhelming deja vu as she enters the drawing room, as she enters a room trifled with chaos, and (much like she had when she stumbled upon Rue and Jules) Lexi dissects the events before her like a scene from one of her novels. 

Cassie, standing in the farthest corner of the room next to their mother and Mrs. McKay. 

Rue, Elliot, and the McKay men, bent in solidarity on the ground. 

Lady O’Neill, lying (presumably) unconscious on the soft carpet next to the sofa she’d been sitting on. 

And Fezco, shaking his grandmother’s shoulders as he shouts for someone to get help, someone to call a doctor. Panic is set aflame in his normally calm blue eyes, and Lexi cannot look away—

Until those flames burn right through her soul, his voice pleading, “Lexi, get some help !” and she dashes out of the room, her body knowing what to do before her mind, and she races down the hallway to find someone to call upon a doctor. 

The muffled shouts from the drawing room are still echoing in her ears when the doctor finally arrives, and everyone is ushered out of the room to give the O’Neills some privacy.  

As the doors to the drawing room close, Lexi steals one final glance at him, distraught written plain across his face, and she wishes so desperately to comfort him. 

~

Mr. Lewis, 

I apologize for my lack of communication these past few days. Might you be willing to join me for a promenade tomorrow afternoon? 

With love, 

Alexis Howard 

~

My dear Alexis, 

I would be more than happy to join you for a promenade. I look forward to seeing you and your family tomorrow. 

Ethan Lewis 

~

Rue, 

I would like to pretend this letter is meant as a friendly check up, but I cannot lie to you. I have written to Lord O’Neill the past three days but have not received any kind of response and I am worried about the state in which I left him at the McKay home. I do hope his grandmother is quite alright, but I cannot ignore the dread in the pit of my stomach. 

Please let me know if there is anything I might do to help. 

With love,

Alexis Howard  

~

“Miss Howard,” Ethan says. 

“Ethan,” Lexi breathes. “Thank you so much for meeting me.” 

“Of course, it’s my pleasure entirely.” It is a beautiful day. Perfectly warm weather and a bright sun beating down on the park in front of them. Couples scatter about, animatedly chatting about whatever the latest gossip may be, and Lexi catches sight of her sister and Mr. McKay, walking arm in arm with bright smiles on their faces. “Something is bothering you,” he says, his voice cutting through her thoughts. 

Lexi’s cheeks grow warm. “Yes, I’m afraid something is bothering me.” She stares at the ground a moment, only looking up when Ethan offers his arm. His friendly face calms her nerves, and she reminds herself that they have been friends for most of her life. He will understand. 

“You wish to break off our engagement, I presume?” Lexi freezes, surprised at how boldly he’d made the statement. He chuckles at the look on her face. “Lexi, I have known you a long time. I knew the day after I asked for your hand that you were having doubts.” 

Her face softens. “Oh, Ethan. I am so terribly sorry. I never meant to hurt you—,” 

“It is quite alright, Lexi. I promise it is really okay.” 

“I should have told you sooner,” she whispers. 

“You had more important things to worry about,” Ethan says. She didn’t tell him the details of the Cassie situation, just that there was trouble she needed to attend to. He had been so understanding. 

Immense relief washes over Lexi. Between Rue’s marriage, Lord O’Neill’s sudden reappearance in her life, and the Cassie and Maddy drama, Lexi was beginning to feel like her entire world had been flipped upside down. But Ethan, remaining the understanding and loyal friend he’s always been, brings back a small glimmer of hope that perhaps not all is lost. 

“Thank you, Ethan. You have always been such a great friend.” He smiles at her, holding out his arm once more. 

“Well, why don’t you tell me what has really been going on in that head of yours?” Her cheeks burn again, but she grasps his arm and they begin walking while Lexi fills him in on (almost) every detail since she first came to London to stay at Maddy’s. 

“You caught Cassie with Nathaniel Jacobs?” Ethan asks, bewildered, when she arrives at the retelling of Rue’s wedding. 

“Isn’t it positively awful?” Lexi agrees. 

Lexi leaves out the details of Rue and Jules, only saying she is shocked Rue married so quickly. When she tells him about Lord O’Neill, he smiles. 

“You’ve always fancied him, Lexi,” he says. “And he had quite a little crush on you if I recall correctly.” Lexi scoffs. 

“That is ridiculous,” she says. 

“Oh please.” 

“No, no, no,” she argues. “He even said at the ball that he could never—,” 

“And then he writes you a million letters of apology? I mean, kissing you would’ve been the only other thing to do to prove how much he likes you.” Lexi blushes deeply and Ethan widens his eyes.

“Alexis Howard,” he hisses. “You kissed —,” 

“Shhhh!” Lexi cuts him off, but they are both giggling. She takes a quick peak around and sees no one is paying them any attention. When their laughter dies down she adds, “Thank you again, Ethan. You have truly been one of my best friends for years. I do not know what I’d do without you.” 

“Don’t feel so bad, Lexi,” he says, leaning in closer. “Plus, if I’m to be honest as well…I may have also met someone.” Lexi gasps. 

“Do tell me her name immediately!” 

“Katherine Hernandez,” he says. “Everyone calls her Kat, though. She is…amazing, Lexi. It took one five minute conversation to know that I was irrevocably in love with her.” Lexi smiles, big and bright, because she knows exactly what he’s talking about. 

~ 

Lexi, 

I wish I could ease your worry and offer any kind of explanation, but I have also not heard from Fez or Ash in several days. Elliot and I left the McKay estate in a separate carriage from the O’Neills. All I know is that Fez brought Lady O’Neill back home to be with Ash. 

I will call on them if I do not get a letter by the end of this week and will keep you updated. 

Best of luck, 

Rue

Chapter Text

The hallways echo with an eerie stillness. Hushed voices solemnly spoken out of respect; pursed lips and eyes turned downward. And dark clothing. Everyone wears dark clothing. 

It’s been two weeks since his grandma had fallen ill at the McKay estate. The doctors are unsure of her diagnosis, but believe that stress may have something to do with her coma. Fez brought her home immediately, hoping that the Ash’s voice and the familiarity of the Bowood House would bring her some comfort and wake her up, but it’s to no avail. Still, he’s not ready to give up. 

He doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready to give up. 

Marie’s temporary vegetative state means Fez is completely on his own to run the house and their business. He’s been balancing the books and taking care of the accounts for years, but the little things: choosing dinner, accepting callers, responding to his grandmother’s letters are what makes him spiral late one night. 

“Fez,” Ash says as he enters the study. Fez sits with a glass of bourbon, a cigar, and stacks upon stacks of unopened mail. “I think it best if you leave the study for a few hours. You’ve been cooped up in here for nearly two weeks.” 

Fez lets out a long sigh. “There is still so much to do—,” 

“It can wait until tomorrow.” There’s a finality in his tone that makes Fez put down his quill and slump back in his seat. His eyes travel to the empty spot above the fireplace. In most homes, a portrait of the previous homeowner is placed in the study, always a man. But there is no portrait in this room. Fez thinks he will have a painting of Marie hung immediately. How she did it all these years…Fez hasn’t a clue. 

She never spoke of his grandfather. She hardly spoke of his mother and father and they have no other family. Fez’s only tie to his heritage is his grandmother, it all starts and ends with her. Everything he knows and everything he believes in. 

“I can’t do this by myself,” Fez says quietly, feeling a little numb from the bottle of bourbon he’s almost finished. 

Ash stands stoically by the door, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else in the house than this room. Fez can’t blame him: the poor kid is only sixteen. He’s always been wise beyond his years, but Fez and Marie have always wanted for Ash to be a kid as long as possible.

But when he looks at Fez, eyes steady and sure, and says “then I will help you,” like it’s the easiest thing in the world, Fez sees a much older man. He sees someone who may not be his blood but will always be his family. And when Ash takes a seat next to him at the large wooden desk, the tightness in his chest releases just a tad. 

Four days later, the boys have developed a great system. Ash enjoys his newfound power, and perhaps he takes it a bit too far at times (like when he insists upon a glass of bourbon after dinner) but he makes Fez’s life a breeze. 

Fez slowly works through the piles of mail, eventually landing on several letters from both Rue and Lexi. His heart jumps when he sees Lexi’s name, palms sweaty as he thinks of the last time he saw her, but he shoves it all out of his head. The last thing he needs is a distraction. 

His fingers fumble when they feel a thick paper, much more expensive than the usual sheets used for writing, and he realizes it’s a wedding invitation. Cassandra Howard and Christopher McKay are to be married in three days time. Fez tosses it to the side knowing he won’t have the time, but Ash seems to have other ideas. 

“We need to let the McKays know we’ll be at the wedding,” he says, sliding the discarded invitation across the dining table. Fez rolls his eyes and takes a bite of food. 

“We do not,” he says, “because we aren’t going.” 

“Of course we are.” 

“Ash.” 

“Fez.” 

“Look, I know you want to see Gia—,” Ash’s snicker cuts him off. 

“This has nothing to do with Gia. Do not play dumb with me, brother. You know why I think we should go.” Fez feels heat on his cheeks, uncomfortable by how easily his brother had slipped her into the conversation. “I’ve been talking to Rue—,” 

“To Rue?” Fez asks incredulously. 

“ Yes ,” Ash says, growing impatient. “Because I was worried about you. So I wrote to Rue and she has filled me in on the details. Some I truthfully didn’t care to know...” 

Fez sets his fork down and lays his head in his hands. “Ash, you’re giving me a migraine.” 

He looks up, sees a fierceness in Ash’s eyes. “Listen, because I am not going to ever repeat this again: I will not be here forever. Grandma will not be here forever. You need a wife, Fezco, and not someone who you don’t mind to spend time with every now and again, but a partner. Don’t you think Miss Howard would be a great fit?” 

Fez stares at his brother for a long moment, once again seeing the stray flicker of the man he will become one day, and a smile creeps up on him before he can suppress it. 

“When did you get so smart?” He asks. Ash shrugs. 

“I was raised by the two smartest people I know.” He doesn’t look at Fez when he says it. He’s always struggled with emotion. “But in all seriousness, we are to attend the wedding. And you will tell Lexi Howard you are disgustingly in love with her…and maybe I’ll tell Gia she looks nice.” 

Fez laughs. “Well, I cannot turn that down, can I?” Ash smiles devilishly. 

“That was my plan all along.” 

“Gentlemen.” Fez and Ash snap their eyes to the doorway. It’s Marie’s ladies maid, and the solemn look on her face makes Fez’s heart drop into his stomach. “She is awake. And she is asking for you, my lord.” Fez holds her gaze a moment longer before looking at his brother, stoic and unreadable as ever, and he rises from his seat. 

“Quite alright, then,” he says as he joins her to ascend the stairs to Marie’s room. 

He enters quietly and the two other maids exit immediately, giving him some privacy with his grandma. A tinge of guilt passes through him: he hadn’t been to see her today. Has she been awake all afternoon? Surely someone would fetch him sooner if that were the case. 

Her bedroom is full of summer air and sunshine. The large windows and balcony doors are open, revealing the expertly kept gardens and bringing in a cool breeze. His grandmother has always loved to be outside, loved to feel the warmth of the sun and the coolness of the grass, hear the birds chirp and smell the fresh air. She is sitting up, a cigar in one hand and a glass of clear liquid—vodka, he knows her better than to think it water—and a peaceful look on her face. 

“Fezco…Snowflake,” his grandmother says, “come sit.” She pats the empty spot next to her and Fez obliges swiftly. They sit in silence for an achingly long time before she turns to him, a wetness to her eyes, and brings a shaky hand to cup his cheek. The touch is foreign, yet comforting, and Fez brings his own hand to steady hers. “You are my heart, and you will do great things.” Her voice is raspy. “But not in this business.” Fez furrows his brow. 

“Grandma…” he trails off, shaking his head. “We don’t need to speak about this right now—,” 

“Of course we do,” she interrupts, taking another puff of her cigar. “Your happiness is the only thing I have been concerned with for years. You are such a good man, Snowflake, and I always knew you’d never have the heart to carry on my legacy.” 

Fez deflates a bit at the words, unsure of how to respond. 

“I—.” He is interrupted again. 

“It’s not an insult,” she elaborates. “There is plenty of money to last you and your children and your grandchildren and so on. You can survive without selling.” He stays silent, the entire conversation baffling him completely. “I wasted too many years being angry with your grandfather, and only now that I am dying did I realize my mistake.” 

“Grandma…” He says again. 

She draws in another shaky breath, patting Fez’s free hand with her own. “I did everything to ensure you boys would have the lives you deserve. It was never my dream to see you carry on in misery, and if there is one thing I wanted to make perfectly clear…it’s that your choices are your own, and I will never forgive you if you do not choose your own life.” 

Silence ensues, for many moments. Fez’s mind is racing with thoughts, with anything he could say to comfort his grandmother, but it is she who continues to blanket him in warmth. 

“ May the road rise up to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, May the sun shine warm upon your face ,” she recites an Irish blessing, the one which they read at his and Ash’s baptisms, and Fez allows the tears pricking the backs of his eyes to finally spill over. 

She grows tired after their conversation and Fez helps her to lie down, then they are joined by Ash. Hours pass in a melancholy silence until her slow, staggering breaths become more shallow. She passes early in the morning, just before sunrise, holding both of her grandsons’ hands. Holding the two people she loved more than anything in the world. 

Ash leaves the room in a hurry, attempting to hide his tears, and the ladies maids enter to help take care of Marie. Fez gives her hand one final squeeze before escaping to the balcony. 

“You are my heart,” her voice echoes in his head. “And you will do great things.” 

The soft coo of a mourning dove pulls Fez from his thoughts. He watches as it lands gracefully on the rose bush below him, sees the sun beginning to cover the grounds, and when the warmth of the rays rises to meet his cheeks he speaks aloud, finishing the poem for his grandmother, “— and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand .” 

~ 

Fez wakes hours later, coated in a thin sheen of sweat and a pounding headache. There’s knocking at his door and he groans as he rises to answer it.

“Someone’s here for you,” Ash says when Fez opens the door. He disappears down the hall and Fez dresses quickly, pressing his fingers to his temples as he takes long strides down the wide hallway. He is not in the mood for a visitor. 

He rounds the corner and finds his feet stuck to the top of the stairs. 

“I thought that perhaps you’d like some company,” Rue says from the foyer. She wraps an arm around Ash, much to his chagrin. “And I have been known to provide excellent entertainment so long as I am fed and housed.” Her cheeky grin is a little sad, and when Fez finds his footing and makes his way toward her he wraps her in a tight hug. 

“Thank you,” he whispers into her hair. “Thank you for being here.” Rue pulls away from him, tears in her eyes. 

“There is no place I’d rather be.” 

~ 

Miss Howard, 

I thank you for your dutiful attention regarding the state of my grandmother’s health. It is with a heavy heart that I inform you she has passed, but do not let it grieve you too horribly. She lived a wonderful life, and Ash and I were thankful enough to be at her side in her final hours. 

The halls of Bowood are quite quiet these days, and I fear that this estate will be in mourning for far longer than I anticipated. I am still stricken with grief, but I am beginning to lust after a happier affair than that of my current circumstance. Your sister’s wedding will be my first public outing since my grandmother’s passing and I would like to know that I will have a friend upon my attendance. (Of course, Rue will accompany me…but you and I both know how…exhausting her antics can become.) 

With love, 

Fezco 

~ 

Lord O’Neill, 

I am so terribly sorry to hear of Lady O’Neill’s passing. She was an incredible woman through and through and it is my hope that she is in a better place. I know she will be looking down upon you and your brother for years to come. The loss of a guardian—though you know will come eventually—always stings more than you imagine it would. I once read a sweet blessing that I find comforts me when I think of those we love leaving us…

May the road rise up to meet you. 

May the wind be always at your back. 

May the sun shine warm upon your face;

The rain fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again 

May God hold you in the palm of his hand. 

I believe it to be an Irish blessing. I am certain you have heard it before! 

I look forward to seeing you and Rue and your brother at Cassie’s upcoming nuptials. I have so much to tell you. 

Sincerely, 

Miss Howard 

Fez gingerly folds the letter and sets it on the desk, his eyes trailing to the newly hung portrait of his grandmother in the study, and for the first time in two days, he laughs. 

He opens the bottom drawer of the desk, fishes out a velvet box, and pops it open to reveal a small gold ring that had once belonged to Marie. He slides it into his pocket and rises to find Ash before they leave for the wedding. 

~ 

Lexi stands before the mirror, smoothing her dress with her palms and tucking a stray curl behind her ear. Her hair is dotted with pearls, the soft pink dress compliments her pale skin, and for the first time in a long while…Lexi feels pretty , aside from the bags forming under her eyes. Of course, it happens to be on the day of Cassie’s wedding. Certainly no one will pay her any attention. 

Her body and mind are riddled with exhaustion, her sleep paralyzed with awful dreams, and she finds it difficult to force a smile. She’d been with Cassie and Suze all morning long, doting after her sister and watching her mother’s wine consumption. When the opportunity to slip away for a bit of peace finally presented itself Lexi took it in stride. The events of the past several weeks have left her rattled, and though it was all coming to a rather happy ending, Lexi nerves were getting the best of her. 

She feels eyes on her and turns to find Maddy watching her from the doorway. 

“You look beautiful,” she says, coming to stand beside her. They observe one another in the mirror. 

“I must say the same about you,” Lexi says, noting the sadness in her cousin’s eyes. A few days ago, Maddy received a letter from Mr. Jacobs. Lexi does not know what its contents beheld, but it had to be exceptionally disturbing to have left Maddy in such a state. Lexi tries to mention it and wants to tell Maddy she is a loyal person with whom secrets can be kept, but the guarded look on her face makes Lexi feel inadequately ill-prepared to handle this twisted situation. 

Both of them have gotten over their anger and disappointment with Cassie, though sometimes easy forgiveness is not the healthiest route to take. 

“Come come, Maddy says. “It’s time to gather in our places.” 

They walk quickly down the hallway to join the other members of the wedding party. Maddy and Lexi act as Cassie’s only bridesmaids and Mr. McKay’s two younger brothers as the groomsmen. They stand behind wooden double doors, the crest of the McKay family stamped upon them, and wait for the music to start. Once the strings strike up the groomsmen and the groom begin their slow waltz down the aisle, out of sight of Cassie and Lexi and Maddy. 

Cassie makes her appearance once the men are gone. She dawns an expertly beaded white gown, her golden hair tied into a tight knot atop her head with a few strands left to curl around her neck. She wears a thin gold chain with a turquoise dangling from the end. Lexi’s eyes prick with tears. 

“You are glowing, Cass,” Maddy says with sincerity. Cassie gives them a small smile. 

“Is that—,” Lexi chokes out, “Mother’s necklace from Father?” Cassie’s free hand flies up to touch the stone as if it would suddenly disappear. 

“Yes,” she says. “I wanted to have a piece of him when I walk down the aisle.” A small part of Lexi, the hurt and angry part, wants to tell Cassie how ridiculous she is for wanting any bit of their father here…but a much bigger part feels her heart swell. 

Lexi pulls Cassie in for a tight hug as Maddy treks down the aisle. “I am so proud of you,” Lexi whispers into Cassie’s ear. 

“I love you, Lex.” 

They break apart and Lexi’s feet carry her down the aisle before her mind registers the movement, and then she sees him. Seated beside his brother in the fourth row, right on the aisle. Again, as if her body knows her needs ahead of her mind, she subtly drifts toward him, makes eye contact, catches the quick scent of cigars and mint and feels like she may have given too much away, but she cannot care. She will tell him tonight how she feels. She makes it her only goal. 

The priest’s voice echoes throughout the great hall, but the words never reach Lexi’s ears. She is too focused on someone that she should not be. 

~

Much like at Rue’s wedding, Fez’s eyes never leave Lexi. He feels heat on his face when she begins her walk down the aisle, laughs with her at all the correct parts in the ceremony, celebrates the new bride and groom, and keeps a watchful eye on her as they enter the reception hall. Guests of all ages stop to speak with her and Fez smiles at her warm demeanor. 

He watches her as she scans the room, clearly looking for someone of importance, and when her eyes land on him and light up, Fez’s breath catches in his throat. She looks for him? 

She makes a beeline for him and Fez fumbles with the small ring in his pocket, feeling nervous in the best possible way. He doesn’t care if she is supposedly engaged to Mr. Lewis: she clearly has not made it common knowledge, and he will make his intentions clear tonight. 

She is close, so incredibly close to him when she abruptly turns and heads off into the courtyard. Fez swallows hard. Private spaces with Lexi Howard are not safe. But alas, he follows her anyway. She moves quickly and he searches for her as he steps into the night, the crisp air filling his lungs and spiking his anxiety. When he rounds a line of hedges and finds her standing before a stone fountain, he wonders for half a moment if she is an angel. Sent for his own salvation from the damning thoughts that plague his every waking moment. 

“You look beautiful,” he says.  

“Please, you do not have to—,” 

“I do. I truly do.” His eyes linger on her dress, his fingers twitch to reach out and grasp the billowing fabric and feel its smooth silk. When he trails his gaze up to her eyes he sees them pulled together in worry, a twinkle lighting up the dark brown irises. 

“I am so sorry about your grandmother,” she tells him, shaking her head. “You are surely under so much stress, I wish to help in any way I can.” 

“I already feel better,” he says. He watches her chest expand as she takes in a large breath. His grandmother’s words echo in his mind as he folds his hands carefully behind his back. 

He can’t escape the paralyzing thought that his poor actions with Miss Howard have led to such untimely consequences. He knows deep down that his grandmother would never blame him or his choices, but his conscience is weighed down with guilt. He has not acted as the man he was raised to be, has not treated Miss Howard in a way she is worthy of, and he knows now he will spend the rest of his life making it up to her. And so he keeps his distance, tightens his grip on his own hands behind his back, and prepares himself to tell her what he knows she deserves to hear. 

The words, however, never leave his lips. They sit on the tip of his tongue and are trapped in the suspended air between them before being stolen by another voice.

“Well, don’t you two make a lovely couple?” Fez recognizes it immediately. He turns his head to watch as Nathaniel Jacobs emerges from the stone pathway, a twisted smile screwed up on his face and a gaze that falls only upon Lexi. Fez’s stomach drops. 

The Jacobs have been lifelong customers of the O’Neills. Fez first met Nate when they were children, and he’s disliked him from the very beginning. The Jacobs are company that he would rather never indulge himself upon, and yet one of them always seems to appear when things are turning for the best. 

“Mr. Jacobs,” Fez says stiffly. Nate drags his eyes away from Lexi, and, as if remembering he is supposed to be a gentleman, feigns a look of sympathy. 

“Fezco. I apologize for my lack of consideration regarding your grandmother,” Fez’s jaw tightens, “she was such a wonderful lady.” They stare at one another for a long moment, and when Nate realizes Fez will not respond he eggs it on. “Do you not agree, Miss Howard?” 

Fez glances at Lexi, expecting to find her nervous, but instead she holds a steady glare that Fez thinks he never wants to be on the receiving end of. 

“Oh, I agree,” she bites out. Nate picks up on her attitude immediately. 

“I suppose you are expecting condolences as well, Miss Howard…but I do not think I am able to find the right words to express how strongly I regret every decision I have made in the last month.” A small smirk dawns his face and Fez remains silent. His grandmother had taught him that silence is always louder than words. The less he speaks the more he will learn. 

Lexi, on the other hand, clearly believes the opposite as she continues to fuel the fire that Nate has ignited in the courtyard. Fez reads her body language: clenched jaw, tight fists at her side, a shade of red that creeps up the back of her neck and disappears into her dark curls. 

“Is there something you need from us, Mr. Jacobs?” Lexi asks. “Something that perhaps you cannot get from… anyone else?” Nate chuckles. 

“Well, it appears that you are all business today, Miss Howard. But ask and you shall receive. I wish for you to speak with Miss Perez regarding our courtship. She seems to have no interest in my advances—,” Lexi barks out a harsh laugh that stops Nate dead in his tracks, and when his eyes shift from mischievous to stormy Fez makes a quick move to stand in front of Lexi. 

“Mr. Jacobs I do not see why your personal relationships have anything to do with Miss Howard,” Fez says with his hands raised between them. He has half a mind to knock out the tall boy before him and put an end to this as quickly as possible. 

“It has everything to do with her,” Nate says, his voice a few notches lower than before. “I have been humiliated enough by the Howard sisters and now wish to reclaim my sense of respect before my reputation is tarnished any further.” 

“I will do no such thing,” Lexi chimes in again, moving Fez out of her way. He wants to tell her to back off and back down, but a voice in his head tells him to let her have this moment. That she deserves to say the words she spews next. “You are a coward, Mr. Jacobs, and I’ll be damned if I am ever to do a single thing to help you regain any scrap of respectability that you have so very much deserved to lose.” 

Fez waits in anticipation for Nate’s next move, wondering if he would stoop so low as to hit her, but doesn’t completely rule it out when he sees the pure anger in his eyes. Lexi holds her ground, staring up at the massive boy like she has conquered far greater demons, and Fez realizes just how gravely he has underestimated this woman that he now knows he loves. 

His mind is brought back to reality when it registers a grin spread across Nate’s face. His sadistic smile sends chills straight to Fez’s bones as he says, “Quite alright then…but if my reputation is to be lost, then so is your sister’s.” 

Before Fez can react, before Nate can move away, Lexi is sprung into action, her fist colliding with Nate’s nose with a sharp crunch . Nate hits the ground instantly. No sound, no movement, and Fez looks bewildered at Lexi, who looks even more surprised than he. 

“This is not good,” she starts, gripping her right hand gingerly and backing away from her opponent without tearing her eyes from him. Fez sees the panic in her face clear as day and moves to stand in front of her and block her view. “What have I done?” She asks, suddenly looking into Fez’s eyes. “We were out here alone…and he found us and—and I will surely be ruined if not for that then for punching a gentleman in the face—,” 

“Lexi,” Fez says, breaking his own rule to shake her shoulders. “Listen carefully.” Her breathing slows slightly. “I will not let anything happen to you,” voices sound in the distance and Fez knows that they have very little time before they need to address their circumstances, “but I need you to trust me. Can you trust me?” 

He stares into her eyes, her chest heaving and her hands limply at her side. The brave girl from moments ago is gone now. “Yes,” she whispers. “Yes I trust you.” 

Without hesitation, Fez reaches into his pocket and fishes out the small wedding band. He removes both of Lexi’s gloves, the right one covered in splatters of blood, and tosses them into a nearby bush. She watches him with wide eyes as he slides the ring on her left finger. 

“A distraction,” she says immediately, and Fez wants to kick himself at the sadness in her eyes. 

“Lexi,” he starts, but she cuts him off. 

“We will tell everyone you proposed, which is why we were alone. Then we will tell them we found Mr. Jacobs and carry him inside. No one will take note of my right hand when they are all staring at my ring.” Fez holds onto her hands for just a moment longer. 

He thinks that perhaps his grand speech should be delivered now, but the faraway look in Lexi’s eyes makes him reconsider. He doesn’t want to ruin such a lovely moment by presenting it in such circumstances as these. 

“I will not let anything happen to you, Lexi Howard,” he finally says before releasing her from his grip. They move into action. Fez picks up Nate, finding it incredibly difficult to carry such a large man, and Lexi stalks in front of him. When they reach closer to the house he hears the shouts of her sister, watches as Lexi rushes quickly to her side and whispers something in her ear. Cassie gasps, glancing at Fez with a guarded expression before linking arms with Lexi. 

Once inside, a small crowd gathers to inspect while Cassie excitedly informs them of her baby sister’s engagement. Fez deposits Nate onto a couch and leaves him for someone else to worry about. Mrs. Howard appears out of thin air, positively delighted to hear of her second daughter’s news and it is all laughter and squeals and excitement except Fez feels sorrow when he meets Lexi’s eyes and finds a hollowness behind her eyes as she says, “Yes, we cannot wait for the wedding.” 

He attempts to find her alone for the rest of the evening, but it is to no avail. 

He is to marry Lexi Howard, but he she appears far from happy about it.

Chapter Text

DEARLY beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony;

Lexi does not share her concerns of the nuptials with anyone. Not her mother, not Cassie, not Maddy, and certainly not Rue. She should be grateful: Fezco is doing her a favor, though she is not totally blind to the notion that he is in dire need of a viscountess since the passing of his grandmother. It all fell conveniently into place, she supposes. How could she possibly complain? 

But the nagging voice in the back of her head keeps her nerves at the surface of her skin, buzzing through her body like a warning. 

Maddy slips through the doorway with Lexi’s wedding gown and drapes it over the chair in front of the vanity. She turns to look at Lexi, who sits quietly on the sofa by the window. 

“Your mother has truly lost it,” Maddy says with a chuckle. “She’s already left for the church…two hours early for the ceremony!” Lexi offers her a breathy laugh in return. Maddy raises an eyebrow, staring at Lexi momentarily before plowing on. Her rambling dulls the ache in Lexi’s head. 

Lexi worries on her bottom lip, biting down so hard she tastes blood. Can she really do this today? She thinks of the doors opening to the cathedral, all eyes on her, the long walk down the aisle, and wonders if her legs will be able to carry her the entire distance. The list of things that could go wrong grows longer and longer in Lexi’s head. Her dress could rip, her mother could pass out drunk, Nate Jacobs could appear at random and sink her reputation into the ground…but the one scene that Lexi cannot absolve from her mind is the worst. 

She puts on the dress, slips into her beautiful new shoes and gathers happily outside of the cathedral. Her mother kisses her cheeks and Maddy and Cassie shed a few tears. The organ strikes a chord and the doors open wide and she looks at the altar—

And he isn’t there. 

Lexi has heard the gossip amongst girls her own age. Many girls choose any suitable partner, regardless of romantic attraction or compatibility, and they rush through the wedding, only allowing themselves to relax once they are married and bound by law. Is that the life Lexi has subjected herself to? 

Perhaps it’s better if he does not come , Lexi thinks to herself. 

She feels the sofa shift, feels the warmth of Maddy next to her. 

“Lexi,” Maddy says, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. “Please tell me what it is that’s bothering you.” Lexi stares at her cousin for a long moment, her chest constricting, and tears well in her eyes. 

“I’m scared,” Lexi whispers. Maddy’s eyes soften and she pulls her in for a hug. 

“Oh, Lex. You have nothing to worry about. Lord O’Neill is a good man, you and I both know that. He will provide a good life for you.” Her words, though Lexi so dearly wishes they would, do not comfort her as they should. Lexi knows she will be provided a far better life than Cassie or Maddy or Lexi could have imagined for themselves. She knows Fezco is a good man. But she doesn’t know if he loves her. She doesn’t know if she can spend the rest of her life living in the agony that he will never return her true feelings. 

Maddy nods slowly as she looks into Lexi’s eyes. Lexi has always been jealous of the unspoken understanding that her older sister and cousin shared, that their bond was deeper than a surface level friendship. But now, sharing this moment with Maddy, she knows that it isn’t luck that fueled her cousin’s understanding, it’s her ability to see through people and meet them with compassion.

We gather in an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man’s innocence, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church: and therefore is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, to satisfy men’s carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts that have no understanding; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God; duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained.

“Cassie,” Lexi said, shaking her sister’s shoulders from the deep sleep she slipped into. Cassie stirred, lazily peeled her eyes open, and for a second there was peace in her expression, until she felt the expensive sheets beneath her. The realization hit her. This was not her bed, this was not her home, and maybe this was not her body. 

“Is it done?” She asked, her voice barely a whisper. A wetness overcame Lexi’s eyes. 

“Yes, it is done. The doctor left a little while ago. He said not to let you sleep too long.” Cassie stared at the ceiling. Lexi watched as a hollowness seeped into her sister’s eyes. “Cassie,” she said, bringing her hand to cup her cheek. Her sister flinched at the touch. Lexi recoiled immediately. 

“I wish to be alone,” Cassie said, but the harshness in her voice did not cover the way it cracked. Lexi hesitated, only compelled to move when Cassie turned on her side to face the wall and block out the world. This would be her darkest moment, blanketed in a shame that Lexi could only comprehend on a small level. She deserved privacy. 

Lexi excited the room and shut the door before her mother or Maddy could enter after her. 

“She asks for privacy,” Lexi said, not oblivious to the way her mother’s heartbreak loudly emulated on her entire face. Lexi wanted to wipe it off, tell her mother to hold it together, but she didn’t. 

Suze stalked down the hallway muttering something about a drink as Lexi slid down the wall and sat on the ground. Maddy followed her, resting her head on Lexi’s shoulder, and neither of them spoke a word, too afraid that if their fears were made known to the world they might come true. 

First, it was ordained for the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of his holy Name. 

Secondly, it was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry, and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ’s body.

Lexi dreams of the earth. Dreams of being laid in the ground and surrounded by dark soil and a coolness that feels both lonely and welcoming. It always begins with darkness that seems to go on for miles upon miles, until she slowly begins to see the rays of sun that penetrate the dirt. She is trying to breathe but the weight of the world holds her down and she wonders if her efforts to climb up are only sinking her further.

One by one the faces begin to appear. Her father, Lady O’Neill, Mr. Bennett are all drawn to life in the dark soil, their faces moving in anguish. Lexi thinks they are trying to help her. She swears she sees their mouths moving as if to say Climb! Climb faster! but her limbs are tired and her head is full of dirt and she stops climbing because there is no end in sight. No end to the peril she has found herself in. 

She stops the fight, letting herself be consumed by the sweet sounds of the earth and the sweet face of her father. He is healthy, a brightness in the sculpted eyes that adult Lexi doesn’t realize she had longed to see. But it doesn’t last, and he begins to decay in front of her. His face droops and his smile fades and Lexi tries to tear her eyes away but she cannot and so she grasps at the earth to hold him up, only for him to slip through her finger tips and spiral down. She wills her body to follow him but a force has caught her wrist and she is being pulled away. A calloused hand grips her tightly, it’s forearm dotted in soft freckles. 

The air hits her before her head even breaks the surface. She feels her lungs expand to take in all of the breaths she had lost and then the sun begins to warm the chill in her bones and she squints into it, bringing a hand to shield her eyes from the brightness until a shadow passes over her to protect her from the rays. She looks up and wonders if he’s an angel. The red hair and blue eyes and freckles upon freckles upon freckles upon—

His touch brings her back to coherent thought, lights her skin on fire and forces her to sit up. She barely registers his voice as he repeats her name over and over again, his palms pressed firmly into the sides of her arms. She relishes in the warmth of him and instinctively moves to have him cover her entirely and she thinks, for a brief moment, that if this man has come to save her then perhaps there is a God after all, and perhaps he is finally granting her the serenity she has so longed for.

Thirdly, It was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity. Into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined.

Rue’s wedding and the events that preceded it make Lexi question the sanctity of marriage as a whole. She has always been aware that societal standards have made being a husband or a wife of the most desirable titles—aside from any title accumulated by wealth—but it makes Lexi wonder just how many marriages are born of mere circumstance. How many marriages come from the basis of a true romantic relationship? 

Though the script of her parents’ tumultuous time together is hard for Lexi to piece together, she decides to believe that they were once in love. Her mother came from a wealthier family than Augustus, and though it pains Lexi to think so harshly, she knows no woman would marry beneath her means without a good reason. Perhaps her mother had exhausted all other options and settled for Lexi’s father…but the pain in her eyes when she reaches the bottom of her wine bottle and sits alone in the study tells Lexi otherwise.

She’d listened to the vicar’s speech: marriage is a sacrament of love and purity and virtue, and though Lexi is not a particularly religious person, she cannot ignore the Catholic guilt that eats away at her. 

“Lexi,” Rue says. “Are you listening?” Lexi shakes her head, attempting to clear her mind of the penetrating thoughts, but she cannot hide the fact that she missed every word of whatever rant Rue had been on.

“Um,” Lexi staggers bashfully, “I…no, Rue, I’m sorry I wasn’t.” Rue rolls her eyes playfully and kicks Lexi’s ankle. They sit in the drawing room of the Howard home, much to Lexi’s chagrin, and Rue rambles around Lexi’s thoughts, only pausing for the mm s and ah s that Lexi interjects when necessary. 

She’d been ignoring Rue since the proposal. It’s easy to keep to herself around her mother—Suze’s excitement over a second wedding blinds her to Lexi’s constant frazzled disposition. But Lexi cannot hide from Rue. 

She plows on. “I was telling you how incredible the Bowood House is. The library, the gardens, the grand staircase in the foyer. You’re going to love it.” Lexi nods along and picks up her tea, attempting yet failing miserably to hide her shaky hands. “And there are so many bedrooms. Perfect for when you have children—,” Lexi cuts Rue’s delusional thoughts off with a loud cough as she chokes on her tea. 

Rue scoots closer to her and awkwardly pats her on the back, waits for the coughing fit to subside, and maintains a pointed glare at Lexi. 

“Why are you staring at me?” Lexi asks. 

“Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” Rue counters, but Lexi backs down. She has both so much and yet so little to talk about. Her path has been drawn, her future decided…all she can do now is wait and see. 

Therefore, if any man can show any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace.

When Lexi was a girl—no older than seven or eight, she would sneak down the steps on nights when sleep did not come easy and sit on the third step to the top and observe the home after hours. 

She’d watch as the maids dusted and swept, set the table for the next morning, folded up her mother’s excess fabrics and organized Lexi’s scattered papers. Then the cooks would enter the dining room, setting out butter and bread and lighting the fire to begin a slow roast of the hunk of meat they were to consume the following day. She’d watch as the women moved seamlessly amongst one another, their faces settled into a soft contentment. Sometimes a soft hum would drift from one of their mouths. Sometimes they’d all sing together. 

And then she’d turn her head to the drawing room where her parents were housed. Gus with a book and a cigar, her mother with embroidery and a glass of wine. They always sat on the same sofa, scarcely touching except an occasional pat or run from her father, and yet it was the softest form of intimacy Lexi had ever laid her eyes on. She would recall a phrase from her Italian studies: dolce far niente , the sweetness of doing nothing, and she would feel peace in her chest. She recalls the scattered pieces of fabric her mother had lying around, all colorful and patterned and unique. 

White has never been a particularly favorite color of Lexi’s. 

I REQUIRE and charge you both, as ye will answer at the dreadful day of judgment when the secrets of all hearts shall be disclosed, that if either of you know any impediment, why ye may not be lawfully joined together in Matrimony, ye do now confess it. For be ye well assured, that so many as are coupled together otherwise than God’s Word doth allow are not joined together by God; neither is their Matrimony lawful.

She stands outside the double doors with her mother, Cassie having already walked down the aisle. Rain pounds against the stained glass windows. 

“You know,” Suze begins, “rain on your wedding day indicates good luck and a prosperous marriage.” A lump forms in Lexi’s throat as she nods. Suze peaks in the door to see when they need to begin their walk, and then she turns to Lexi with a tearful disposition. “You look so beautiful,” she says, running a hand down Lexi’s veil. “And I am so, so proud of you.” 

“Thank you,” Lexi says, pulling Suze in for a hug. She is thankful for the heartfelt words.

And then the doors are open, and there is a sea of soft pastel dresses and dark suits and flowers and church pews, but all Lexi can see are crystal clear blue eyes and a soft smile.

For just a moment, Lexi forgets all the fears and worries and the nervous buzzing in her skin. For a moment all she sees is the rest of her life, and it doesn’t appear quite so terrifying now that it stares back at her. 

At which day of Marriage, if any man do allege and declare any impediment, why they may not be coupled together in Matrimony, by God’s Law, or the Laws of this Realm; and will be bound, and sufficient sureties with him, to the parties; or else put in a Caution (to the full value of such charges as the persons to be married do thereby sustain) to prove his allegation: then the solemnization must be deferred, until such time as the truth be tried.

“Lord Fezco O’Neill,” the vicar, a tall man who towers above both Lexi and Fezco, carries on with the nuptials. Lexi tightly grips her bouquet, the only thing that grounds her to this moment. Without it, she might float away. “Wilt thou have this Woman to thy wedded Wife, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?”

His eyes have been locked on her since the moment the doors opened and Lexi waltzed down the aisle. His gaze drifted once to her dress and once to their congregation, but otherwise they make Lexi feel as though she is the only person in the building. “I will.” 

“Miss Alexis Howard, wilt thou have this Man to thy wedded Husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?”

Lexi swallows hard. “I will.” 

“Repeat after me,” the vicar says to Fezco. “I, say your name, take thee Alexis Howard to be my wedded Wife.” 

“I, Fezco O’Neill, take thee Alexis Howard to be my wedded Wife.” Her name on his lips makes her shudder. Lexi practices the words in her head as he says them. “To have and to hold from this day forward,” For better or for worse , she thinks, “for richer or for poorer,” in sickness and in health. “To love and to cherish, till death do us part.” 

“Miss Howard,” the vicar says, “repeat after me…” She attempts to speak, but the words are caught on her tongue and she fidgets nervously with her bouquet until it slips from her fingers. She watches as it lands at her feet with a quick bounce. Without a second thought, she bends to the floor to pick it up, her fingers colliding with Fezco’s and she looks up at him. 

He grasps the flowers tightly and they rise together, slowly, and if Lexi had felt like the only girl in the building before…now she’s the only girl in the world. His eyes crinkle at the corners as he stifles a laugh, and Lexi finds herself releasing a small giggle. He gives her a reassuring nod and she finishes her spiel without looking away from his eyes. 

“WITH this Ring I thee wed,” the vicar says. “With my Body I thee worship, and with all my worldly Goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”

Fezco presses his fingertips into her wrist, gingerly pulling down her white gloves. The heat of his hands and the coolness of the wedding band balance each other out and they kneel together before the altar, their backs to the congregation. He slides the ring on her finger. 

“Let us pray. O ETERNAL God, Creator and Preserver of all mankind, Giver of all spiritual grace, the Author of everlasting life; Send thy blessing upon these thy servants, this Man and this Woman, whom we bless in thy Name; and may ever remain in perfect love and peace together, and live according to thy laws; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”

They join hands and rise to stand before the vicar once more.  

“FORASMUCH as Lord Fezco O’Neill and Miss Alexis Howard have consented together in holy Wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have given and pledged their troth either to other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving of a Ring, and by joining of hands; I pronounce that they be Man and Wife together, In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”

Lexi remembers very little of the final moments at the church. The last thing she lays her eyes upon as she walks back down the aisle—held up only by Fezco’s steady grasp—is the sun shining through the stained glass windows. The rain had finally let up. 

GOD the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost, bless, preserve, and keep you; the Lord mercifully with his favour look upon you; and so fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace, that ye may so live together in this life, that in the world to come ye may have life everlasting. Amen.

Lexi sleeps the entirety of the carriage ride to the Bowood House. She’d started by pretending, because the sight of Fezco sitting across from her in his wedding clothes was far too much to bear after such a long few weeks, but when she wakes to find her head on his shoulder as he gently shakes her shoulders she feels more clear headed. 

The sun has set and the sky is dimly lit with a cool blue haze, but Lexi can still make out a long winded path dotted by large trees. 

“I thought you might want to watch as we approach the house,” Fezco says. Lexi lifts her head from his shoulder and peaks out the window. 

She turns to him with a half smirk. “I hope that this fantastical Bowood House lives up to the expectation.” Fezco widens his eyes in surprise. “What?” Lexi asks. 

He stares at her for a moment before turning the sides of his lips up. “Nothing,” he says affectionately. Lexi blushes. She turns her attention back to the window before she can make a fool of herself, her heart beating a little harder than before. “Lexi…” Fez starts, but then she sees it. 

The house towers above the surrounding trees, decorated in climbing ivy and dozens upon dozens of windows. A large stretch of garden sits nearly on either side, a fountain sits in front of the large stone staircase, and Lexi’s breath catches in her throat. 

Rue had been right, this is one of the most incredible homes she has ever seen. Perhaps it is even the most incredible home. 

The carriage comes to a slow stop atop the rough gravel. Part of Lexi wants to rush from the carriage and up the stairs and unpack all of the secrets of what is to be her home for life…but another part is frozen in fear. What if the ladies maids hate her? What if the cook makes terrible food? Will she get along with Ash as well as they did in the comfort of other people’s homes? 

And Fezco, because this is their wedding night and marriage comes with a certain set of expectations. And though the thought of his hands tracing along her skin makes Lexi feel purely euphoric, she still bears some of the anxiety she held this morning. Fezco is kind and caring, and he clearly enjoys Lexi’s company at least a little bit. But does he love her? Will they have a real marriage, will they be happy? Or will Lexi spend her entire life living in the shadow of a man who she will never be enough for? 

The carriage door opens and her inner monologue is halted. Fezco jumps out quickly, thanking the footmen who carry their luggage up the stairs, and offers his hand to Lexi. She sits as far away from him as possible, her body pressed against the carriage wall. They stare at one another. 

She watches as something flickers across Fezco’s face. His eyes soften, a hint of amusement in his widening pupils, and he says, “Come. I’ll show you the library, I’m sure you need some time alone after such a long day.”

Lexi wonders if she should consider this a victory or a defeat, but when she places her hand gingerly in his and he gives a slight squeeze, she thinks she will count it as a win after all. 

That thou shalt see thy children’s children: and peace upon Israel. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son: and to the Holy Ghost; As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be: world without end. Amen.

Chapter Text

Fez doesn’t sleep. 

The energy pulsing through him is too much to put to bed, and it isn’t just him: the entire house buzzes with excitement. Such excitement, in fact, that Fez positions himself in his study for the remainder of the night and leaves the door open so he can stop anyone from entering the library. Marie’s ladies maids come first, giggling and whispering to one another as they hold ribbons and dresses and perfumes. He sends them away and tells them she needs alone time. The cooks are next, bearing various types of wine and flower arrangements that Marie had always picked out. 

And then, much to Fez’s surprise, the final attempted intruder is Ash, wearing his signature scowl and padding loudly down the hallway. 

“It is far too late to disturb her,” Fez calls as Ash’s fist rises to knock on the double doors to the library. Fez expects him to jump at the sound of a voice, but of course—he does not. 

Instead, he turns to look at Fez with a playful glint in his eye. “So it’s true,” Ash says. “You’ve really positioned yourself as her guardian for the night?” Fez puts down the book he was absentmindedly reading. 

“I highly doubt Lexi would appreciate being bombarded by strangers.” Ash doesn’t say anything, only nods cheekily. “It’s been a long day, Ash, she deserves to rest.” 

“I wasn’t arguing with you.” They stare at one another for a moment, regarding the change in circumstances they now have to bear. Fez had tried, a few weeks ago, to pick Ash’s brain about his nuptials, but Ash remained stoic during the conversation. He has never been a particularly open person, so Fez had expected as such. Ash breaks their wordless exchange and joins Fez in the study, sitting on the plush velvet chair and propping his feet up on the footstool in front of it. “I suppose two guardians is better than one, do you not think?” 

Fez gives his brother a small nod, picks up his book, and waits until sunrise. 

It comes sooner than he’d expected: small tendrils of sun rays seeping in through the crack in his drawn curtains. He hears the rooster crow, birds chirp. Fez sets his book down—which he has almost finished—and stretches his arms. Ash is fast asleep across the room, his head resting on his propped up hand. Fez rises to shake him awake. 

“It’s morning,” Fez says. “Let’s go for breakfast.” 

“Too tired,” Ash mumbles. 

“You cannot miss the first breakfast with Lexi,” Fez scolds. Ash rolls his eyes, but obliges, rising from his chair and stretching just as Fez had done. He mumbles something under his breath and disappears down the hall. 

Fez stands in front of the library with shaky hands, apprehension rising from his stomach and pooling into his chest and down his arms. He cannot deny the part of him that fears what he might find behind those doors. What if she ran away? 

Fez knows, though, that abandonment is not the worst he could discover behind those doors. The worst, he imagines, is that he opens the doors, looks into her eyes, and is met with regret. Regret that she’s married him and that she’s in his home, and it fills him with a paralyzing anxiety that he cannot shake. After a moment of stilled breath, Fez reaches his fist to thump against the heavy wood. 

He hears shuffling, a faint hum of breath which he thinks to be a yawn, and then the click of the handle. He averts his eyes to the floor as her white dress—her wedding dress—slips into view. Fez feels heat on his face. 

“I—,” he falters, “I didn’t realize you were still in your gown.” A low chuckle buzzes in his ears and he lifts his eyes. 

Her hairdo for the wedding has been taken down and long brown curls circle her shoulders. Her eyes are bright, the soft smile on her face easing the pressure in his chest. My wife , he thinks, and wonders if now is the time to announce his undying love for her, but she shifts a little uncomfortably and Fez looks away, catches his breath. 

“Yes,” Lexi says, her voice much steadier than last night. “It’s no trouble. It’s quite a bit comfier than I thought it’d be.” 

Fez clears his throat, scratches the back of his head, ponders over how he can’t seem to get a grip, and says, “Well, I will show you to your room so you may change before joining us for a late breakfast.” She hesitates for a moment, then nods slowly, slipping all the way out of the door and joining him in the hallway. They walk side by side. Fez finds the silence more comforting than awkward. 

They turn the corner and he guides her two doors down, pushing on the heavy oak to reveal the room. 

“So close to the library,” Lexi says, taking in the spacious area. 

“And the study,” Fez says. “I wanted to be as close to them as possible.” 

“Our room,” Lexi says. Fez looks at her, watches as she steps into the sun and it strikes a gloss across her cheek. 

Fez nods slowly. “Our room.” She regards him a moment, appearing to size him up. “I’ll leave you to it,” he says, turning on his heel and exiting the room. 

In the hallway, he hears the footsteps of the ladies maids and gestures for them to enter the bedroom. He stops Miss Miller, whom he’s always considered a friend. “Make her as comfortable as possible, Miss Miller,” he says to her, and she spreads her big lips into a smile. 

“Of course,” she says, patting his shoulder as she moves past him. “And you may call me Faye, Lord O’Neill,” she calls over her shoulder. He chuckles as he heads down the hall to the dining room. 

~ 

The ladies maids are perfectly kind to Lexi, especially the youngest one—Faye. They dress Lexi in a soft green gown, tie her hair in a matching ribbon, and primp her in the mirror before leading her to join Fezco and Ash for breakfast. 

She’s nervous in her chest, her stomach, her fingertips as she floats down the hall, her head feeling like it’s ten feet behind her. She enters the dining room with the three maids and takes a seat across from Fezco, who sits beside a very sullen looking Ash. Lexi figures this to be his resting expression and focuses her gaze on Fezco once more. 

The table is expertly placed, a long, lacy table runner brightens the chinaware. An assortment of breads and jellies, fruits, bacon, and tea. Lexi watches in shock Ash reaches for a glass of juice off the cook’s tray and she lightly smacks his hand away. Fezco laughs at Ash’s annoyed eye roll. 

“Wait your turn,” the cook scolds him with a pointed finger. Lexi chuckles to herself. 

Breakfast passes in an easy silence, only a few words muttered between the trio. Lexi enjoys the chance to observe them in their own home, in their own spaces of mind. She notices that, despite their physical differences, the two brothers move in a similar fashion. Their movements are both smaller and softer than that of an average man. Typically, the gentlemen Lexi dines with at balls make a spectacle of themselves: loudly clinking their silverware and speaking a notch above everyone around them, arms waving wildly as they recount a story. Lexi wonders if Fez and Ash lack these qualities due to being raised solely by their grandma. They seem comfortable in the silence and Lexi finds herself feeling the same way. 

The entire home—mansion, she supposes she should call it—is decorated pristinely. Not a single vase or flower or chair out of place. The dining room is carpeted with a dark red base and patterns of small flowers. Crown molding sticks to every corner and floorboard, and the ceiling is painted with a dark color. Lexi thinks the style is a mix of gothic and classic, both light and dark, and she likes the way it makes her feel. The only thing truly out of the place is herself, and the only thing missing is Lady O’Neill. 

But now, that is Lexi’s…and she has no clue what to make of such a thing. 

Fezco’s voice breaks through her thoughts like a hammer to shatter glass. “Would you like a tour?” She looks at him, his eyes burning into her own, and she nods as if there is nothing else she’d rather do. The cooks come to clean up the dishes and store away leftover bread and jam. Ash retreats from the room without a word. Fezco rises from his seat, crossing the room to Lexi, and reaches out an arm. “Shall we start in the gardens?” He asks as she takes his arm, the warmth of his skin through his jacket calming her nerves immediately. She looks up at him. 

“I would quite like that.” 

~

“I’ve never considered myself a particularly religious person,” Lexi admits as they walk down the rows of rose bushes. They walk for several minutes when the silence finally gets to Lexi, and she fills it the only way she knows how—rambling. 

Fezco chuckles. “I always had a feeling,” he explains. “You never paid much attention in church. Never wore a rosary like the other girls.” Lexi looks up at him, her brown eyes squinting into the sun. 

“It has never been a concept I’ve wrapped my head around. And sometimes it frustrates me to no end. I hear the men and women and children around me who…they pray. They have trouble in their lives and they place it into the hands of God and pray and believe that it will all work out.” 

“And you don’t have someone to pray to,” Fez says, and it’s not a question. He doesn’t quite understand what she’s going through—his belief in God was handed down from his grandmother—but he can relate to her lack of guidance. He remembers what it was like before Marie saved him, and now that she’s gone the pit in his stomach has slowly begun to grow once more. 

But Lexi. Lexi has made it all the difference. She breathes a life into Bowood that Fez didn’t think possible after his grandmother. He knows she’s nervous, so he takes his time, letting her take the lead. He would wait an entire lifetime for Lexi, if that’s what it took. 

She smirks at him, just a tad, and shrugs her shoulders as if to apologize. “I once said you were fearless,” Fez says, “and I was not wrong, was I?” Her cheeks flush and he laughs, amazed at how easily her body will reject any compliment. He wants to tell her more until she never blushes again. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Your mind is fascinating. You have such a good heart. You are my heart, Alexis Howard. And I love you. 

Fez sucks in a large breath to keep his thoughts from spilling out of his mouth. He wanted to tell her the night of their engagement, assure her that his intentions to marry her were borne from the love that blossomed in his chest that night at the first ball of the season. He is not oblivious to the anxiety in her eyes, knows her well enough to understand that he needs to do more than say how he feels, and so he intends to show her as well. The Bowood House is his sanctuary, his childhood and adulthood wrapped into one, his entire life rests within the smooth stone walls of the estate…there is nothing more important to him than Lexi feeling at home here. Fez doesn’t rejoice in the circumstances of their marriage, he would have rather his plan worked out in his favor, but he also knows he has an obligation to take care of her after everything he’d put her through. 

“I think perhaps there have been some instances in which I should have done better,” Lexi says. “I could have been braver.” Fez waves a hand dismissively. 

“No use living in the past.” 

“You give yourself very good advice, Fezco,” Lexi says teasingly. Fez cracks a smile. 

“And I very regularly follow it.” His tone is cheeky. They approach a small white bridge, crossing over a thin stream of water, and he holds his arm out for Lexi to hold onto him. She takes it with a smile, and after they cross she remains firm on her grip. 

“Ash seems to be handling your grandmother’s passing quite well,” Lexi says. Fez’s shoulder tense at the casual mention of Marie. Lexi picks up on it immediately. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” 

“It’s okay,” Fez says. “I want to be able to talk about her.” She looks at him with warm eyes. “But yes—I think Ash is handling it far better than I am.” 

“Well, that’s because he has you.” She nudges his shoulders lightly and Fez looks down at her small wrapped around his bicep, suddenly feeling dizzy at her closeness. 

“I suppose so,” he says, to which Lexi rolls her eyes. 

“Now you’re the one who’s deflecting.” 

Fez scoffs. “Alexis Howard, you are going to drive me mad, aren’t you?” 

“Oh…Alexis Howard is nothing compared to her older sister and mother,” Lexi says with a laugh. “You should start preparing yourself for the holidays now.” 

“I look forward to the holidays, actually. It will be nice to have more people around.” Lexi raises an eyebrow at him. 

“You cannot be serious,” she says. A large rose bush sits on the edge of the path, she reaches to gently poke a thorn as they pass by. 

“I am surely serious,” Fez says. “It’s only ever been myself and Ash and Grandma.” 

“You’re parents…” Lexi trails off, the question lingering on her tongue. 

“I don’t remember my mother,” Fez explains. “And I do remember my father but he is not worth talking about.” They round the corner into the courtyard. Lexi releases her grip on Fez to wave at a nearby gardener. Everything is perfectly manicured and spaced to look picturesque, almost like a painting, and she wonders just how much money it costs to care for the massive grounds. 

“Did she pass when you were young?” Lexi asks. He nods slightly. 

“My grandmother never talked about her. The only comment she’d made my entire life was that she was too pure hearted and my father took advantage of her.” His hands are planted firmly behind his back, and Lexi’s fingers itch to reach for him again, but she doesn’t. “She had red hair, though, like me. And freckles, tons of freckles.” 

“Was she your grandma’s daughter?” 

“Yes. I think it was too hard for my grandma to talk about her. Sometimes, when I was much younger, I’d catch her staring at me with a longing look in her eyes.” 

“You reminded her of your mother.” They pause for a moment when they pass by another gardener. Fez asks him how his children are doing, if his wife is feeling better this week, compliments him on the bush he’s trimming. 

Everyone—the cooks, maids, gardeners, footmen…they all adore Fez and Ash. Lexi recalls a visit to the Jacobs home when she was seven years old. The servants were quiet, stuck to the sides of the walls, not a single one of them smiled. Here at the Bowood House they are the exact opposite. Happy, thriving, and taken care of. Fez shakes the man’s hand and they continue on. She falls a step behind him, watching as his eyes shine against the soft evening sun. 

Pure-hearted , she repeats to herself. And Lexi is sure that he’s more like his mother than just in appearances. 

“Your grandmother must have really enjoyed gardening,” Lexi says. “This is the most incredible place I’ve ever seen.” 

Fez smiles. “She grew up on a farm in Ireland, she said in the springtime the flower fields went on for miles. When she first came to England and started to build on her estate she made the garden a priority.” 

“How did she accumulate such a large fortune? If her parents were farmers in Ireland then surely they didn’t generate much income.” There’s a sudden shift in energy. 

“Um…” He scratches the back of his head. “It’s quite a long story.” 

“Oh,” Lexi says, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, I’m sure it’s hard to talk about her.” 

Fez has a strange look in his eyes. “Yes, uh, it’s tricky, I suppose. Sometimes it’s hard and sometimes it isn’t.” 

They walk in a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes. 

“Do you want children?” Lexi asks suddenly. The question has been eating away at her since the night they announced their engagement. Lexi has always wanted children, but she isn’t sure how many, isn’t sure if it’s something Fezco would even want —

“I do,” he says confidently. 

“I’ve always thought I’d have three kids. Two girls and one boy.” Fez chuckles. “What?” Lexi asks, a watery smile spreading over her face. 

“I’ve always wanted a lot of kids.” Lexi raises her eyebrows. “It was lonely, growing up alone. Once Ash came along things livened up, but I’ve always had this dream of a big family.” 

“I know what you mean,” she says, squinting against the sun to look up at him. “Cassie and I are rather close, but sometimes I was very lonely. Especially after my father left. And my mother…I can’t imagine how she’s feeling right now.” 

Their trek through the gardens reaches an end when the steps to the house approach them quickly, and Lexi feels those butterflies in her chest that wouldn’t ease up the night before. Being alone— really alone—with Fezco makes her far more nervous than she’d expected. She slows her steps to make even more time outside, but when the toes of her shoes meet the first stone step she pauses to look up at him. 

She finds him looking out across the grounds. Fez clears his throat. “Women are expected to marry into another family from the day they are born. I’ve met a lot of women who are completely unconcerned about the state of their siblings and parents after they marry and move away…but not you, Lexi.” She shakes her head. 

“No, I…of course not. My mother and Cassie—,” 

“—have always had you to take care of them,” he finishes for her. There’s a dark look in his eye, and Lexi feels heat on her face that quickly floods down her body. “So, I want to ensure you know that I will always take care of your mother and your sister. No matter what, no matter for how long…they are my family too.” 

Lexi doesn’t realize she’s stopped breathing until he gives her a concerned look. She draws in a sharp breath. 

“Thank you,” she whispers. “You do not know what that means to me.” 

He shrugs minutely. “What’s important to you, Lexi, is now important to me, too.” 

She ponders for a moment over whether or not to announce her feelings: blurt out that she loves him and that, even though she’s scared in many ways, it feels right to stand outside this home with him. To stand outside their home as a husband and wife.  

But she bites her tongue because a) she is paralyzingly terrified that he won’t return her feelings, and b) a ladies maid comes barreling down the stairs, announcing to Fezco that he has a visitor. Lexi’s thoughts still drum in her head so she can hardly make out the maid’s words, but she thinks she heard the name Laurie. It seems to strike a nerve in Fezco, and he turns sharply toward Lexi. 

“An old friend of my grandmother’s,” he explains. “I will have to fetch Ash…” 

“I will go with you—,” she starts, but it is to no avail. 

“No, no,” he says frantically. “I will need to handle this alone.” His eyes are skittish, his hands roped tightly behind his back. “Laurie is not, uh…too fond of strangers. Especially due to her grieving.” 

“Oh,” Lexi stammers. “Yes—yes of course.” She tries not to feel quite so torn up about his lack of need for her, but she clearly does a terrible job because when his eyes finally find their way back to hers he softens, releases his hands from behind his back and reaches for her own. 

“I will find Faye,” he says, giving her hands a squeeze. The contact turns Lexi’s brain to jelly. “And she can continue the tour of the house before I meet you again for supper?” His eyes are somehow bright and soft at the same time, and Lexi thinks she has trouble in her future because she will never be able to deny him when he looks at her quite so perfectly. 

She nods, a smile spreads across his face, and then his lips are pressing a kiss to her temple before he leaves her, dumbfounded, at the foot of the steps. 

Fez finds Ash on his way to meet Laurie. If Ash notices the red in Fez’s face, the steam practically rolling out of his ears, or his clenched jaw…he doesn’t comment. Fez is furious over this unannounced visit from Laurie, though he supposes he should have expected it. He only wrote her a short note explaining that Marie had died, and then he didn’t invite her to the wedding. 

As always, she sits in the drawing room on the east wing—the furthest away from their living space as possible—flocked by three men who never say a word. She sips on a cup of tea, motions for Fez and Ash to join her. 

“I hear both congratulations and condolences are in order. Is that correct, Lord O’Neill?” Her voice is monotone as ever. 

Fez nods. “You are correct.” 

Laurie sets down her tea. “Such a shame to hear of your grandmother’s passing. She was a lovely woman.”

“With all due respect,” Ash starts, and Fez wants to kick him, “what seems to be the reason for your visit? We have other duties to attend to this afternoon.” 

“Oh?” Laurie says, eyebrow raised. “My apologies. I shall make this quick.” She leans forward in her chair. “A month before Marie passed she wrote a letter informing me that our business would cease after she is gone, and while I so greatly wish I could honor her request—I cannot.” 

Fez stops breathing. 

“What do you mean to say?” Ash asks. 

Laurie sighs. “Your grandma had me set aside a significant amount of inventory every month specifically for you boys to sell, and unfortunately, she passed on the third of the month. I will need both of you to sell the remaining inventory and allot the thirty-thousand pounds by the first of next month.” Fez and Ash share a bewildered look. 

“Thirty-thousand pounds?” Fez asks. “We have never taken on that much product at once.” 

Laurie’s sly smile makes his skin crawl. “Consider it a parting gift—from you to me,” she says, rising to leave. “I will return in one month. Good luck.” 

Fez rises with her and, by force of habit, bows as she leaves. Ash remains seated. 

“She cannot be serious,” Ash says as soon as she’s out of sight. Fez runs a hand over his face. “There is no possible way—,” 

“I will figure it out,” Fez interrupts a little harshly. “Just…I will figure it out. Go get ready for supper.” 

Neither of them speak another word, but Ash’s heavy footsteps echo loudly in Fez’s head, pushing against his skull. 

He makes a slow journey back to the dining room for supper, the weight on his shoulders weighing him down harshly. His mind frantically searches for a plan, for a solution, but he is coming up short. He’ll need Ash’s help more than he wishes to admit. 

The heaviness, though, quickly dissipates when he enters the dining room to find Lexi sporting a cheeky smile and Ash with a blush on his cheeks. Fez doesn’t ask, and they don’t elaborate. 

Dinner passes quickly, both Lexi and Ash are more talkative than in the morning, and Fez is thankful to just listen to them. Once the plates are cleared and the last of the wine has been drunk, Ash runs off once more and Fez sits with Lexi for a moment. 

“I suppose it’s almost time for bed,” he says awkwardly. Lexi nods slowly. 

“I suppose so.” 

He leads her down the long corridor slowly, his nerves getting the best of him. He pictures his bed and the extra pillows he’d requested two nights ago. The closet that will now hold gowns and bonnets and gloves. Her hairbrush and ribbons on the vanity…he hasn’t stepped foot in the room since the night before their wedding, and though imagining Lexi in his space—and his bed—has been at the forefront of Fez’s mind for a long time, he feels incredibly nervous now that it’s a reality. 

She rambles beside him, informing him that she’d been teasing Ash about Gia before Fez arrived for supper. She comments on how much she enjoys Faye and the cooks. Fez laughs and nods at all the right places, but when she asks him what’s wrong he stops them in the dark hallway. 

“Lexi,” he says slowly. “I have been meaning to…to tell you something.” Many things actually, but announcing his feelings must come first. 

“Okay…” she drawls. 

“Um,” he stammers. “I—uh…” 

“My lord!” A voice calls, and Fez turns his gaze to see one of the ladies maids coming down the hall, appearing a little frantic. 

“Yes, Miss Smith?” Fez says as evenly as possible. 

“A letter has arrived for you, it’s urgent,” she says. “I have sent it up to the study so you may read it in private.” 

Fez nods as a thank you and she is gone again. He resumes his fix on Lexi. 

“I must…” he trails off, repressing the urge to groan out of frustration. “I must deal with this, but I will be back.” 

“It’s okay—,” she starts, but he cuts her off. 

“It’s not,” he says fervently, all of the frustration and nerves and energy he’s had pent up finally ready to spill over. “Because all I’ve been trying to say…all I’ve been waiting for weeks is to tell you that I love you, Lexi, and—and I had rehearsed this silly little speech in my head so that I could get it just right, but I know now that there will never be enough words, enough looks, or enough touches to ever properly convey the depth of my feelings for you.” He steps closer and wraps his hands around hers, bringing them to his chest. “All my life my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name, and I have come to realize that it’s you.”

She is stunned at first, almost like she didn’t hear him, and then her chest rises as a large breath fills her lungs. Her eyes pool with tears that do not spill over. 

“I’ll be back,” Fez says again. “I promise.” He releases her hands and takes off down the hall, hoping and praying that this urgent message is from anyone other than Laurie. 

He meets a ladies maid just outside of the study and gingerly takes the note from her hands. He thanks her and enters the study alone, turning over the thin paper in his hands and immediately recognizing the scrawl. 

Rue . 

Fez rolls his eyes hard and blows out a long breath. This better be worth it , he thinks to himself. 

My dear Fez, 

I apologize for the potential heart attack I might have brought on, however, I needed to ensure this letter became your top priority. I am writing for several reasons, so I will skip the comedic introduction I usually regard you with. 

The first matter of business, I suppose, is to address the elephant in the room: your lack of goodbye after yesterday’s nuptials. I find it hard to believe that you conveniently forgot to hug your dearest friend goodbye after the biggest day of your life. However, since emotions were high I will excuse you—just this one time. 

The second is that I wish to invite you and Lexi and Ash to join Elliot and I next week for a ball. Elliot’s mother has expressed how preposterous it is that we have yet to host a ball, and since the season is coming to an end I have decided now is as good a time as any. 

Finally, and I truly do not wish to put this down into words, it seems that I am unfortunately running low on supply. I would greatly appreciate it if you could assist me in obtaining more product. 

I hope married life is treating you well, 

Rue Fitzgerald  

Fez stares at the letter for several moments, holding his breath, before crumpling it and tossing it into the fire. 

~

A gentle knock on the bedroom door startles Lexi. She opens it to reveal Faye, who carries a tray of tea. 

“I thought you might like some tea before bed,” she says with a smile. Lexi opens the door wider and allows her in.  

She resumes her seat in front of the vanity, having just changed into her nightgown and beginning to remove the pins from her hair. Faye sets the tray down with a soft clink, pours a glass, and sets it in front of Lexi. 

“May I?” She asks, picking up the brush. Lexi nods. 

Faye plucks the remaining pins from her hair and unties the light green ribbon before running her fingers through the curls. Lexi closes her eyes for a minute, imagining herself in her childhood room, imagining the fingers in her hair are Cassie’s. She’s had plenty of thoughts about the sudden end to her childhood, but it hasn’t affected her as strongly as she thought it would. 

Perhaps it’s because her childhood ended way earlier than yesterday. 

She opens her eyes again and regards her reflection in the mirror, looking and feeling a little more like herself than she has in weeks. 

“I always wished I had brown hair,” Faye says suddenly, running the brush down Lexi’s head. “Brunettes just seem so much more mature than blondes, don’t you agree?” Lexi snickers. 

“I’ve always wished to have blonde hair,” Lexi says. Faye cocks her head to the side. “My sister is a blonde and she’s just…beautiful. Ridiculously and unfairly beautiful.” 

“I can’t wait to meet her,” Faye says. 

“Do you have any siblings?” Lexi asks. Faye shakes her head. 

“Not of blood, but I do consider my fellow ladies maids to be family. And the O’Neills. They’ve always taken great care of everyone here.” 

“I’ve noticed,” Lexi says. “I’ve never seen such happy staff.” Faye smiles. 

“I hope that you will be just as happy as the rest of us, Lady O’Neill. Though, I understand that these things take time, I think you will fit in so perfectly here.” 

Lexi turns around, then, to face Faye. She looks up at her and takes a stand, wrapping the young girl in a tight hug. “Thank you for being so kind,” Lexi whispers. Faye pats her back and whispers a “you’re very welcome,” in her ear. 

When they pull apart, Faye snatches a shawl from Lexi’s suitcase and wraps it around Lexi’s shoulders. 

“I do believe Lord O’Neill is in the study,” Faye says with a suggestive tone. “And he looked…might I say, rather stressed out.” 

Lexi blushes deeply. “Faye…” 

“Just go,” Faye says with a little push to Lexi’s back. “I know it’s what you want.” And she’s right, Lexi knows how right she is, so she gives Faye’s hand a little squeeze and disappears down the hall, heading swiftly towards the study. 

~

Night has fallen when Fez hears soft footsteps come down the hall. They pause outside of the study for a moment before turning into the library, the heavy door creaking as it swings open and then shut again. He leans back in his chair, examining the contents of Rue’s ridiculous letter, before deciding to join his passerby in the other room. He raps on the door lightly. 

“Come in,” he hears her soft voice call. 

“You’re still awake,” Fez says as he enters the library. Lexi whips around quickly, the shawl draped around her shoulders falls, exposing her pale skin in the moonlight. Fez represses a cold chill that threatens to climb up his spine. He’s never seen her in this way—thin straps for sleeves, hair curly and loose around her shoulders, and her eyes…bigger and more vulnerable than ever before. He’s lucky that she speaks before he can say what is really on his mind. 

“Trouble sleeping,” Lexi offers. Her long fingers wrap around the hardcover of the book, gingerly snapping it shut and swiftly placing it back on the shelf beside her. She doesn’t straighten from where her back leans against the wall, and Fez has flashbacks to the night at the McKay estate. 

He thinks she can read his mind when her cheeks suddenly flush. The shawl rises to hide her from him once more. 

“Perhaps I could call for some tea?” Fez asks. 

Lexi shakes her head. “No, I am quite alright. Just thinking I suppose. Sometimes it's a battle to turn my mind off at night.” 

Fez perches on the desk in the corner of the room, rolls the sleeves of his white undershirt up to keep his hands busy. “What seems to be the trouble?” 

“You.” It’s a small word, but Fez learned long ago that words carry meanings that are written between the lines and settle in the air between breaths. He pauses on his sleeve, looks up at her and cocks his head to the side. 

“Anything I can do to help?” 

“Do you always ask this many questions?” Lexi says, pushing herself off the wall and returning to the bookshelves. She pretends to browse but Fez knows she is no longer looking, not when she passes over three novels he is sure she would snatch up in a second. 

His heartbeat picks up. 

“No,” he admits. “I typically have a much easier time solving other people’s problems…but it seems my mind might also be a bit distracted.” He finishes with his sleeve and moves his hands to rest on either side of his legs. 

“Oh?” Lexi chirps, her attention still on the bookshelf. “And what is it that has you so distracted, might I ask?” 

“You.” 

She turns to face him. Now he has her full attention.  

“Anything I can do to help?” She parrots, and Fez smiles. Warmth blooms in his chest and he wonders just how much longer he can stand in that room when the shawl slips from her shoulders once more. 

He cannot help but steal an obvious glance. 

And then, to his surprise, he watches as her eyes leave his own. They pass over him so slowly it aches his bones and he wants to reach for her. Wants to remove her dress and show her more ways in which he will love her for the rest of their lives. 

As if she’s been compelled, Lexi moves closer and closer until she is only a few inches from his grasp. 

“Well?” She asks. Fez looks at her confused and she grins cheekily. “I believe that I asked you a question, my lord.” Fez almost chokes. 

“My state of being is none of your concern, my lady,” he recovers. “It is my job to take care of you.” And because he just cannot help it, he reaches to pinch the thick fabric of her shawl between his fingers. He holds on and listens to her breaths become more shallow. Her expression is a mixture of many things, like she’s battling between the cheekiness in her tone and the worry in her eyes. 

Fez thinks he should retreat, give her more time. 

He releases the shawl and retracts his hand, but not before Lexi can take it right back, her fingers pressing into his palm. 

“Your hands are always so warm,” she says without looking at him. 

“Yours are always cold.” 

She sighs deeply and Fez tries to read between the lines. 

“Lexi—,” he tries to start, but then her grip on him tightens and she brings his hand up to her cheek. His thumb rests just beside her mouth. 

She looks at him now. “You have been so kind and so patient with me,” she says. “And I cannot truly convey the extent of my gratitude, but…” 

“But what?” Fez asks, suddenly nervous in a very different way than before. 

Her free hand finds his knee. “Please stop treating me like I’m fragile.” 

“I—,” 

“Kiss me like you did at the McKay estate. It’s all I’ve been thinking about since,” she says, and Fez doesn’t need her to tell him twice. 

He pulls her in by the waist until she stands between his legs, his hand still resting on her cheek, and then his lips are on hers. Much like the first and second time, it quickly turns into a frenzy. He slides his tongue along her bottom lip until she opens up for him and greedily pours into her mouth. She meets him with the same energy and her hands run along the length of his biceps. 

He scoots toward the edge of the desk to make more room and brings her in as tightly as possible. She drops the shawl on the ground and shivers, goosebumps covering her arms. 

“Cold?” Fez asks between kisses, abandoning her cheeks to run his hands along the length of her arms. 

“No,” Lexi says as she rests her forehead against his. “You warm me up.” 

Her arms snake around his neck and they are off again. He circles her face with a pepper of kisses until she blushes, then he works his way to her neck while her nails scratch at his head. She tilts her head back for him and he holds onto her hair, looking down her neck and seeing the hard peaks of her nipples peek through her shirt, and though he wants nothing more than to take one in his mouth he takes his time. 

She makes a small noise that lights his chest up and he hops off the desk, towers over, and quickly turns them around. 

“Sit,” he says more forcefully than intended. She listens, taking her perch upon the wooden desk, and for a moment Fez wishes he could capture her in a painting and carry it in his pocket with him. My wife , he thinks to himself. “Let me look at you?” 

She blushes hard, the deepest shade of red Fez has ever seen on her face, but she nods. Her back is perfectly straight, one sleeve sits crooked upon her shoulder, bunched up fabric that she covers with her butt reveals her legs, and Fez moves to push the nightgown up as he kneels before her. 

“You do not know,” he says as his palms run up her soft thighs, “how long I’ve waited for this. All I think about is you, Lexi.” He looks up at her when he hears a small gasp escape her lips. 

He presses slow kisses down her legs until he comes closer to her hot center, his eyes still trained on hers. She gathers the thin fabric of her nightgown in her hands, revealing more and more of her legs. 

“I think about you, too,” she whispers. Her eyes darken and Fez decides to take the plunge, running his thumb along her wet cunt and then circling the small bundle of nerves. “ Oh ,” she breathes as she brings her hand up to rest on his head. 

Fez wastes no time, dipping his head to run his tongue along her, pushing it inside of her while his thumb continues to press on her clit. Her legs stiffen around his shoulders and he hears her breathing come faster and faster. His chest burns and the bulge in his pants grows harder and harder and all he wants—no, all he needs —is to make her feel half as good as she makes him feel. He wraps both his hands around her butt and roughly scoots her closer to him, using his mouth to bring her closer to an orgasm. 

He looks up at her wrecked face, flushed red and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Her brow furrowed and lips open and she stares right back at him. 

She shudders and unravels under his touch. Fez has never relished in the pleasure of making someone else lose control, but as he watches her eyes shut and legs shake he knows that this will become his guiltiest pleasure for as long as he lives. 

Her hands find his shoulders as her orgasm passes and she pulls him up and into a chaste kiss. 

“I want more,” she says breathlessly. 

“Lexi,” he warns, “we don’t have to—,”

“I want more,” she says again, twisting his shirt into her tight fists. “Please.” They stare at another for a moment before she releases his shirt and moves south, quickly finding the button of his pants and pushing them down. “I want to make you feel good,” she says as she wraps her fingers around his cock, and Fez thinks he has nowhere near enough self control to allow himself in her mouth. He shakes his head. 

She looks at him expectantly. 

“Next time,” is all he says before he kisses her again, wrapping his own hand around his dick before giving it a few strokes. He positions himself just outside of her cunt, lets her whimper for only a moment before he ceases the teasing and slowly pushes himself inside of her. “ Fuck .” 

He drives into her slowly, watches the way she takes him as her legs shake, but when he looks up to catch her eyes he finds them closed. 

“Lexi,” he says, cupping her cheek. 

“Fez—,” 

“Please, Lexi,” he all but begs. “Look at me.” It takes her a moment, and he continues with his steady thrust, until she finally peels open her eyes. He leans into her more, grabs a fistful of hair from the back of her head, until she can no longer look anywhere but at him, can no longer be anywhere but here . 

Wetness pools in her eyes when he uses his free hand to press on her stomach. “Oh,” she moans. “Oh—oh, my God.” 

He decides to give her a break and kisses her hard, the tears from her eyes trailing down her cheeks and into his mouth. 

“We can stop—,” he starts, pulling away

“ Do not ,” she interrupts frantically, taking a fist full of his shirt and drawing him in. “Do not stop, Fez.” 

He pushes into her harder and picks up the pace, her perfect tits bouncing just below his line of sight and he bends to take one in his mouth. She arches to meet him until he leans in further, keeping his quick pace as her walls clench around his dick, and he lays her back flat against the desk. 

Her nails rake down his back deliciously and Fez takes her hands in his. 

“Let me focus on you,” he says, and she lets him. His one hand pins her arms above her head, his other presses deeper onto her lower stomach, and he hovers above her face. She looks as wrecked as he feels and he knows he doesn’t have much longer. “I am in love with you,” he spills out. Something flashes across her eyes. 

“You love me?” She repeats, her voice thick with emotion. 

“I love you,” Fez confirms, and he trails his hand down her abdomen until he finds the bundle of nerves at the top of her pulsing cunt, circles it with his thumb and she thrashes under him without breaking eye contact. “Cum for me, baby. Give it to me.”

“Harder,” she says, barely above a whisper, and Fez finally lets himself go, thrusting into her so hard he wonders if he crossed a line, but her cries of pleasure tell him otherwise and he continues to push through. 

Her legs wrap around his waist and bring him even closer to her and he thinks—no, he knows— that he will not last much longer once she begins to unravel beneath him. 

He rides her through her orgasm, moans and shaking legs and his name on her lips surround him, but it isn’t until she looks at him with the same determination as the first night they kissed and says, “I love you, Fez,” that he shudders. His hands forget to hold onto her arms and she wraps them around his neck as he pulses through his orgasm. 

They breathe in sync, foreheads touching, for several long minutes before Fez finally finds the energy to press a soft kiss against her lips, and Lexi giggles softly. 

He pulls away from her. “What seems to be so funny?” He asks coyly. 

She giggles once more. “I was just thinking…” she says, “that if this is what married life entails, then I am incredibly excited to be a wife.”