So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear

Her eyes stared unfocused across the room, she felt her lungs start to ache, and she knew what was coming. Not some little blip like she’d had earlier. A major panic attack.

Notes:

Set mid 4x17. Just a short little thing I wrote immediately after watching the episode today. I wished so bad that Tim could have been there to comfort her.
Title from Of Monsters and Men - "Little Talks"

Work Text:

Lucy thumbed the spacebar on the laptop, pausing the video as the video version of herself faded into unconsciousness. Her eyes stared unfocused across the room, she felt her lungs start to ache, and she knew what was coming. Not some little blip like she’d had earlier. A major panic attack. Like it was muscle memory, she reached for her phone, holding the number two down on the keypad, praying he’d answer.

Her chest started to hurt and Lucy lifted her hand to her sternum, her cell phone clattering to the table. Absently, she could hear the faroff voice of her former TO as the call connected. She feebly reached her opposite hand forward to turn on the speakerphone.

“What, Boot?” For a half a second his brusque answer made Lucy second guess calling him. He was busy, after all. She’d had to take the shift off for this trial prep, but that didn’t mean that crime stopped with her off the street. She shouldn’t have bothered him.

Just as quickly, his tone flipped. “Shit, Lucy, you’re at the DA’s, aren’t you?” When she didn’t say anything back, he continued. “Okay, I don’t know what happened, but just breathe with me, Luce.” She could hear him taking deep breaths on his side of the phone, imagining him with a hand to his chest just like she had.

He’d witnessed enough of her PTSD that she knew exactly how he would react if he were in the same room as she was. He would quietly slip his hand across the desk to ease the laptop closed.

Lucy felt herself reach up and do the same.

Tim would kneel down next to her chair, ignoring the fact that the industrial berber rug was digging into his knees.

Lucy slipped her shoes off and pushed her toes into the carpet.

Reaching up to grasp her shoulder, he would spin her chair towards the outside window.

Lucy used her toes to slowly spin her chair away from the table.

Even mirroring Tim’s previous actions, she still struggled to catch her breath. She could feel the hot tears as they began to trace down her cheeks. Though she tried to stop it, a small sob escaped her mouth. Ever her white knight, Tim charged into action.

“Okay, tell me three things you see.”

“The..the fake wood paneling on the wall. Um, my silver nail polish. Palm trees outside the window.”

“Good. Now two things you smell.”

“The crappy coffee from the break room. The disinfectant they use to clean this conference room.”

“Okay, one thing you hear.” Lucy closed her eyes and concentrated to find a sound that was near, something louder than her racing heart.

“Tamara. I can hear her anxiously tapping on the wall outside of the conference room while she waits.”

“Good. Good job, Boot. You doing better?”

“Yeah, I’m okay now. Thank you.” She wasn’t great, but he’d taken the edge off her panic. She knew him well enough to know he didn’t believe her.

“Good. Look, this is a shit show over here, but I’ll finish up as soon as possible. Then you and Tamara can come over for dinner. I’ll tell you about this mess, and we can order from that Thai place you like.”

“You don’t like that place. You said last time it was too spicy.”

“Well, you should not call something ‘medium’ that’s going to burn my lips off!”

Lucy laughed to herself, remembering the incident in question. “Get back out there. I’m fine.”

“I know you are. I’ll see you tonight?”

“I’ll see you then. Stay safe.”

“I will. You too.”

Lucy ended the call and took a deep breath, steeling herself to meet Chris and Tamara in the lobby. She knew what she had to do.

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Comments

PMD Wed 06 Apr 2022 03:34AM UTC

Well done. Even if the middle of his crisis---Tim is there for her. And will never subject that song to her, ever. Yeah--Chris is sorry---he's a sorry jerk, that's what he is. Thank you for creating a different ending then the one in the episode. Seriously---going out with the guy after what he did---and what she saw---makes no sense whatsoever.
I love missing scenes---I really do. And this one was incredible---Tim and his girls---having dinner. : ) Awwwww. : )

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1. limey5 Wed 06 Apr 2022 05:52PM UTC
  
  Thank you! I was very surprised by Lucy's reaction in canon too, and this came out haha. I just want Dadford and Momchen all the time!
  
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2. 1. PMD Wed 06 Apr 2022 07:26PM UTC
    
    I was not happy with it at all. But I think I came to this conclusion in what the writer are trying to achieve. With Tim and Ashley---she's trying to mold him into what she wants in a boyfriend---with the compromises---and seriously--that was dessert. She doesn't know what he likes or doesn't like---because all she cares about it reinventing him to be perfect for her. Compromise---yeah--on his end, not hers. And it will come to a head because Tim is brutally honest.
    The same goes for Chris. I think the writers are using the character to change Lucy, not for the better---which will not work either. I mean, there were two instances at the end of the episode where you knew---this isn't Lucy---and Chris is the problem. One was her suggesting Tamara to go out with somebody she barely knows. After seeing the video of her being put in a barrel by somebody she dated and barely knew. Then there was the fact she went out with Chris---happily---and he was the one who sang that song. Also, they are showing what is not good for Lucy as a boyfriend---like Tim with Ashley. There is a method to their madness---we just have to muddle through it. I hope I am right---for all our sanities. Meanwhile---we can get the frustration out in fanfic. : ) Do not get mad---get writing. : )
    Me too. : )
    Oh, having fun with a piece I am writing now. Ghost Jackson comes down and well, at the dinner---Chris lost his napkin to non-existant wind and then a fork---then when he picked it up and went to sit down, the chair moved and he ended up on his butt. Now, having Lucy and Jackson talk in the womens washroom. Next---Ashley is about to get a douse of Jackson and her leaving in a huff--blaming Kojo all the way. I mean, can Kojo help it he is in Tims bedroom and yet his leash falls off the hook and Ashley almost trips on it. And the food dish--and who knows what else---have not decided yet. : ) I did mention I am having fun with this piece, right. : )
    
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  2. 1. limey5 Wed 06 Apr 2022 09:55PM UTC
      
      I'm hoping all this madness turns out how we hope, but you're right - at least we have fic!
      Ghost Jackson sounds like all kinds of fun to write!
      
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    2. 1. PMD Wed 06 Apr 2022 11:03PM UTC
        
        Yep----fanfic can help us through some situations that we don't like on the show. : )
        Oh, it is fun---and Jackson meets her in the women's washroom and he's like this is the women's washroom and she's like---you shouldn't be here---and then it's---Luce---I'm dead---only you can see me. : ) I really am having fun with this---next up, Tim gets a ghostly visit with Ashley there---oh, and Tam arrived before---not going out on that date. Just needing some dadford time. : )
        And what will happen with Ashley---tripping over dog leash---that was up on the hook before---tripping and falling into the dog dish with soft dog food---and then maybe her blaming Kojo, which is the final straw for Tim. Then a visit with Jackson, telling Tim to get off his ass and go after what he has always wanted---a happy life---and a happy wife, with Lucy and Tam. : ) Oh, I am really having fun with this---who knew my romantic muse could do humor so well---or be vendictive---you choose. : )
        
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Closetromantic_yyc Thu 07 Apr 2022 10:23AM UTC

"She knew what she had to do"...... as in...break up with Chris, duh! This was so good! I wish we could see something like this on the show

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1. limey5 Thu 07 Apr 2022 01:12PM UTC
  
  I tried to leave it a little open ended. Maybe she breaks up with him (we can dream!), maybe she blows him off, maybe it's just her refusing to testify. Perfect for you to fill in your own head canon! Thank you for reading!
  
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crose84 Tue 12 Apr 2022 04:38AM UTC

I love how you managed to convey so much connection and feeling via a phone call. This was lovely. Thank you for sharing!

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1. limey5 Tue 12 Apr 2022 12:53PM UTC
  
  Thank you for your kind words and for reading!
  
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