Chapter 1: Guilty
Chapter Text
Guilty.
That was the verdict. His whole life, gone, in the length of a single word.
Adolin sat in a bare room awaiting to be called back for sentencing.
His heart pounded in the palms of his hands where he buried his face.
Guilty for breaking oaths, for betraying bonds and spren, for condemning an entire race of immortal beings to eternal torment.
Guilty, alongside all men who ever lived but he alone would have to pay the price.
It didn’t matter to the spren that those things were done by other people, millennia ago. By offering himself up for trial, Adolin had given them a chance for revenge and they didn’t hesitate.
A rushing sound past his ears muffled his thoughts along with the sharp clicking of his wife’s heels as she paced the short length of the small, bare room
He didn’t dare look up at her. They haven’t spoken a word since the verdict was announced. He had to find something to say, a way to apologize, to ease her pain; she didn’t deserve this, it was all his fault.
What could he say? Maybe he’d find something if only he could think. He gritted his teeth in frustration trying to focus his scattered mind. The constant clunking stopped sharply, demanding his attention.
“I’ve got a plan”
Adolin looked up slowly, the words not really registering.
She stood tall, hands on hips, lips pursed tight, looking down at him with unrelenting eyes, all her worry safely tucked away.
“A plan?” A plan for what?
“Yes. To get you out of here.”
“To escape?”
“Of course to escape. Did you really think I would leave this creepy place without you? I’ve thought it through, it’s not that hard. I don’t know why I was so worried”
No. Terror struck him like lightning. Did she really believe that? Had she not realized what their only option was? Beads of sweat formed on his forehead sending a cold shiver through him.
His mouth dry, he swallowed hard before he spoke.
“My love, come here.” he said, opening his arms for an embrace. She narrowed her eyes in question but relented sitting next to him.
“We are not going to do anything, love.”
She shook in his arm trying to get free but he held her tight in his arms, pressing her against himself.
“You can’t be serious. You’re not planning to serve this sentence.” she growled.
“I have to Shallan.”
“No you don’t. That’s chulldunk. You are innocent. You don’t owe these spren anything.” she said as she struggled to get free of his hold.
She pleaded through her glare and his heart sunk down to his stomach. He had to convince her everything would be alright, that he would be alright. How could he convince her of something he didn’t believe himself?
“No, but we are asking for everything. We are begging them to risk their lives to fight for us. We have to show them we mean it.”
“You’ve seen how stubborn they are. Do you really believe your sacrifice will mean anything to them? It won’t even placate them.”
She wasn’t wrong. During the trial the honourspren had proven to be, well, less than honourable.
“I gave my word Shallan.”
“So what? The whole thing was a ruse to get us in here anyway. It worked. We’ve made our case, we did what we came here to do. There are so many spren ready to follow us back.”
“Even if I go back on my word? The spren believe we are liars, untrustworthy, even those who agreed to follow us. If I proved them right, we would lose them forever, or worse…” He shuddered internally, trying not to grasp the full meaning of his words. “...lose them to our enemy. It would mean our doom.”
“They wouldn’t do that. The children of Honour would never turn to the literal God of hate just to spite us.”
“You’ve seen what they did at the trial. They would extort one of their own to lie under oath so they could have their revenge. Their hearts already know hatred. If we justify it, we’d be digging our own graves.”
“Adolin please, listen to me. You’ve said it yourself, they hate us. They won’t go easy on you, they intend to see you die here.” All her resolve and wrath forgotten, she hung on from his jacket, her eyes glistening with tears.
She was right, this would be a life sentence. Anything else would be a farce; the crime he was atoning for, though not his own, was still too great. The annihilation of a whole race. How far would his life even go as recompense? A coldness settled on him at the reminder but he couldn’t bring himself to be angry.
Adolin held her tight to him, feeling her warmth, trying his best to hide his shaking frame as everything in him trembled. He forced out the words and it took every last bit of strength to make them come out smooth.
“I know my love but I still have to do this. It’s what I've agreed to.”
“It’s not what I’ve agreed to. I didn’t agree to losing my husband; it wasn’t your decision to make.” She walked away from him, her back turned. He followed her, turning her back to him. He didn’t want to face the pain he caused her but still he wanted to ease it as best as he could before she left.
“I know, I’m so sorry. It’s not fair to you. ”
“How could you, Adolin? How could you do this to me? How could you leave me behind?” she managed, crying on his shoulder.
He knew this was coming, he’d invited it and still he found himself barely able to stand, his knees threatening to sink them to the floor. How could he have caused her so much pain and so callously? Why hadn’t he considered this outcome? Why hadn’t he planned, prepared? He let her get it all out. She pounded and she screamed until she was worn out then he held her tight in his arms as they both melted to the floor. He waited for her to speak but she was done, spent.
“Please love, I’m begging you. You have to let me do this.”
Wide eyes looked back at him.
“You mean you’d come back with me?”
“If you needed me. If I couldn’t convince you.”
“Would you really do that for me?”
“I made oaths to you Shallan, you are not just another person to me. You are a part of me, blood of my blood. I will not break them, not for the war, not for my father, not for anyone.”
“And all I have to do is let the world burn?” she said bitterly more angry than before. Adolin lowered his head in shame. He was trying to comfort her but ended up unloading his burden on her.
“I can’t go back alone. I’m not strong enough, not now, not yet. It’s only with your help I got this far. I fear all my work will be undone.” Her eyes danced, dazed and horrified, and her deep fear resonated within him, breaking his heart all over again. He felt bitterness on his tongue as he opened his mouth to say what he didn’t want to.
“You can do it. I know for sure you are strong enough. For this and worse.”
“I’m not”
“You are, I know you are”
“You are wrong. I was strong because you were there. The balance in my head is shifting again, everything is up in the air. I can't do it without you.” He grabbed her hands and held them tight.
“You know you are stronger than this, hell you're stronger than all of us. I would never ask such a thing of you if I didn’t know you could handle it.”
Her pleading eyes run free with tears, all her anger melting away into grief.
“I can’t go back alone. I can't face your father. I can’t tell him you are not coming back.”
The words echoed in his head like condemnation from above. His fingertips tingled and went numb as his heart pounded in his chest. He knew all too well what she was talking about. He too had trembled at the thought of facing his father having failed his mission.
He knew it was too much to ask from anybody and especially from her but despite his crushing guilt he still heard himself speak, the words flowinging off his tongue while his mind wandered.
“You will do it, my love. For me. You have to make him see there is no other way. This is a small sacrifice to win the war. I wouldn’t be a big help with the war anyway, this is the most I can do.”
“That’s not true.” She protested weakly but he went on anyway, afraid of losing his nerve.
“He won't take it well, he will want to do something. You have to stop him. You can’t let him come here, neither him nor anyone else, His physical presence alone is enough to intimidate the spren.”
“So I just have to stop Dalinar from doing what he wants. Are you listening to yourself?” Her voice cracked like a child’s along with his heart. He swallowed hard, looking down in shame.
“There’s more.”
“More?”
“Much more.” Mouth gaping, she looked at him in utter disbelief.
Adolin felt his blood turn to ice in his veins
“You have to fulfil my duties. I know it’s not fair but I’m begging you.” Shallan looked horrified. “I can’t be a princess, I can’t run a kingdom.”
“No not that…”. A puzzled look urged him on. “You have to be there; for Kaladin. I know you are vulnerable yourself right now and that you feel you are not the right person, but even a little helps a lot. I know you can reach him.”
“Perfect. So strong arm your father and make Kaladin feel better, what’s next? Stop the storm?”
He shrunk back into himself, turning from her, cradling his knees. He didn’t want to reach this part. Shame and guilt engulfed him. How did he screw things up so bad? The words he needed to say choked him. All his resolve gone, he surrendered to the tears bubbling up behind his eyes and he wept.
“Adolin please, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, you can ask me for anything.” She held him in a comforting hug and let him catch his breath. Bless this woman. How could he have been so lucky as to have her and so stupid as to let her go?
He took her hand tightly, not daring to look at her. The words clung in his throat but he spit them out anyway.
“Please look after my brother... He will need you most of all.” Poor Renarin, this would cripple him. How could he have done this to him? Adolin had been the only person Renarin fully trusted, the only one who was always there. How could he betray him like that?
“I know he’s difficult to reach. I know I’m asking for a lot but you have to help me. He doesn’t have anyone else. My father, bridge 4… they all mean well but they don’t understand him, they won't be able to comfort him. But I think you could.” That’s all he managed before his chest collapsed again in agonizing sob.
Blinding pain tore up his thoughts like rock through paper. It bled inside him, seeping down to his bone, reaching every last bit of him. He couldn’t move a muscle, he couldn’t look away, he couldn’t draw his breath. It felt like he was dying. He wanted to run, he wanted to scream but he just sat there, paralysed by fear, his mind numb.
She held him tight for a long time in perfect silence, until her warmth enveloped him and his lungs filled up with air again.
“I’ll find a way, I promise. Please don’t cry.” There was such sadness in her voice.
He had failed. You are so weak. The only thing he needed to do was not break, there would be time enough afterwards he told himself but he broke down anyway.
Now it was too late. He couldn’t stop it. His mind raced far past him and his mouth moved without his consent.
“I can’t help but feel I’m sacrificing them as well.”
“You’re not sacrificing them, they are your sacrifice.”
“No, You are. To lose you just as I've found you, to know that I won't be there when you need me… it hurts me in ways I didn’t think possible.”
“You won't lose my love. I won’t be here but I’ll still be with you.”
“No Shallan. I don’t want you to wait for me. I’m not coming back.”
“ What do you mean?”
“I release you of your oaths to me.”
“No, you don’t mean that.”
“I can’t let you suffer any more because of me. I can’t do that to you.”
“Well, I’m not releasing you of your oaths.”
“I wasn’t planning on breaking them anyway.” She smiled at him even though her cheeks were stained with tears.
Time stood still as they sat in silence holding on to one another, taking in this simple pleasure for what might be the last time. He ran his fingers through the flaming red hair on his chest when a dark, disturbing thought crept into his mind. Before he knew it grew roots and covered everything. It sent tears rushing out his eyes in streams, perfectly silent and still. A few moments passed before Shallan noticed and she sprung up in alarm, desperate to make it stop.
“Adolin, what’s wrong?” Fear plain in her voice.
He took a big breath and steeled himself, preparing for the words he would utter.
“What is it? Please tell me what’s wrong.”
“You have to win the war. You have to...” he choked. Idiot, you were supposed to be strong.
“We’ll do our best, you know we will.”
“I don’t think I could bear it.”
“Of course you can. You are Adolin Kholin, storm it, you can handle prison.
“It’s not that.” he barely managed to say without drawing in breath.
“Then what?”
His chest still crushed, he leaned his head back and let the tears streaming from the sides of his face when he finally managed to draw in a sharp breath.
“I don’t think I could do it… if you lost the war.” He swallowed hard, he knew what he was sayin, what it meant for his wife, for his family. “To still be here, alone, knowing you are all gone, without hope… I don’t think i could bear it.”
“I’ll find a way, I swear it, I’ll come back for you.”
“No don't swear it, not in this day and age, just try your best, I know it’s more than enough, you just have to believe it too.”
The door of the room burst open as four guards walked in, with a mean look in their eyes, carrying chains, quickly surrounding Adolin and Shallan who we lying in each others arm, spread out on the floor.
Chapter Text
With Shallan with Pattern on their heels, Adolin made his way to the court, the heavy chains hanging from his wrists clunk making a sick sound that nodded his stomach. The steps seemed somehow bigger today and not nearly enough, with each one bringing him closer to his doom. He glanced around the crowd searching. Maya was nowhere to be found.
He collected himself again and somehow found the strength to hold his head high and face the crowd, despite the dread that surrounded him.
The Herald was absent this time, like the last. It seems that spren’s reverence for heralds was just as limited as the human’s were. Of course they wouldn't let him interfere with their predetermined outcome. He was allowed to be there to give them an air of credibility but now that his will might waver the spren weren’t willing to risk it.
Sekeir was acting as the judge again, he stood on his elevated seat overseeing everything and hushed the whispers from the crowd.
"I know we are all just as eager to have an end to this trial, I know all of you yearn for justice, for those that came before us and had to pay the ultimate price, and for yourselves. To prove it is not weakness that holds you back but honour and fairness. So please my fellow spren, the worst is done, only a simple part remains."
He turned his attention from the crowd to Adolin. "Rise prisoner, Adolin Kholin and face your punishment."
Adolin made to move but before he could, gruff hands pulled on his chains and lifted him to his feet.
"It wasn’t an easy decision to make, prisoner, and we didn’t come to it lightly.”
The short two hours you took deliberating says otherwise, he thought.
“We appreciate your arguments. It’s true, it wasn’t you who perpetrated that horrific crime. On the one hand you are here voluntarily and that’s another thing we considered. On the other, you tried to intimidate the judge; that can't be overlooked.”
Adolin cringed inwardly. He couldn’t object to that, Shallan hadn’t tried to simply intimidate the judge, she meant to murder him and take his place.
“There were those among us who argued for leniency, others were not so kind, some even suggested a life sentence. But alas, we are not here for revenge, we are here for justice. Considering you are just a human, we can not impose on you a spren punishment. So...."
Adolin strained to hear what came next over the sound of his heartbeat in his ears.
"Adolin Kholin, you have been found guilty by this court for the crimes of the recreance, and you are hereby sentenced to 35 years in prison."
Thirty five years? Somehow Adolin was expecting to hear a much bigger number but, thirty-five years? That’s more than he’d ever lived, that was the rest of his life, he would be an old man if he ever got out.
Panic threatened to take over and so he closed his eyes for a moment and calmed the storm inside him as he raised his face to the judge.
"I humbly accept your judgement and I appreciate the leniency that you have shown me."
"Yes," the judge replied, a bit baffled. "It’s good you understand."
"If I may dare ask more of you, a last favour for a condemned man?"
"Right. Now would be the time for any and all requests, prisoner. We will listen and deliberate, we are not unreasonable as you have already seen."
How quickly they assume magnanimity after such a sham of a trial, he thought. No matter, he would play along, he knew well how to navigate these pretend conversations and the spren weren't nearly as savvy as the Highprinces.
"I wouldn't ask for more than we offer our own prisoners, your honour. Normally they have the right to visitors, but since I doubt anyone would visit me here, I simply ask for the right to communicate with my wife, who is not to blame for my fate but will suffer for it all the same."
The whole court turned to Shallan who held her head up high and her lips tight waiting for an answer.
"Not an unreasonable request….We will consider it, " he scanned the people sitting beside him for confirmation.
Adolin watched Shallan, the anxiety on her face melting back to the permanent state of mild panic that he’d caused her ever since they stepped foot inside this oppressive fortress. His heart flattered at the sight, like a little bright blue joysrpen dancing in his chest, until her face became solemn again, resolute, jolting him back to the present.
"Anything else?"
Adolin straightened his stance, trying to keep his composure, he wasn’t done yet.
He drew in a breath ready to speak but another voice, sweet and pained, spoke first. The whole court turned to see a beautiful girl with the flaming red hair, his wife.
"I don’t know if this is allowed, but I would like to make a request." she stood straight and proud, the weakness in her voice nowhere to be found in her visage.
"This is highly unusual, but even if it wasn't, what makes you think that we would be willing to do you any favours after you tried to influence the herald?"
"Out of mercy, for a poor newlywed girl who had the misfortune of marrying an idiot?"
Adolin frowned at that but a smile still crept on his lips. She wasn’t wrong, he had been reliably informed by multiple trusted sources that he was indeed an idiot. He looked at the judge who had the most comically confused look on his face and Adolin struggled to hide his amusement.
"I… I can't disagree with your estimation but what is it to this court? You are the one who chose to marry him, aren’t you?"
"It was an arranged marriage you Honour, and he didn’t seem quite as stupid at first." The judge chuckled at her bluntness and in that moment, Adolin wanted more than ever to kiss her.
"Then I’m already doing you a favour by ridding you of him."
"Would that you were your honour, but you see, whether I like it or not I’m bound to him by oaths no matter where he is."
"Fair point. I can’t therefore, in good conscience, refuse you an audience. State your plea."
"Your honour, members of the court, I know 35 years don’t sound a lot to a spren, and are not nearly enough to pay for such a crime. I know it’s only because of your benevolence that you offered such leniency. But 35 years is far too long for a woman to live alone like a widow. So I request the right, after the war is over, to petition the court again on my husband’s behalf."
"And what do you hope will have changed by then? The outcome of the war will be as irrelevant then, as it is now. The future doesn’t negate the past."
"Indeed your honour, but perhaps you'll have changed."
"Spren, you'll find, don’t change so easily."
"Won’t you allow for even the possibility?"
"To be honest I don’t see why you’d ask for this. You’ll both be long dead if and when this war is over." There was a coldness on the judge’s face, not a cruel one but a perplexed one, and in that moment Adolin thought it was the first time he saw his real face. No mask, no pretense, just confusion.
The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. The last war lasted eons, and this one was just getting started. He looked at Radiant, a scent of terror in her eyes and he could swear the same thought crossed her mind. She didn’t falter though, without missing a beat she returned to the judge.
"Then you have no reason to refuse."
"Very well, it will be taken under consideration with the rest. Is this everything?"
Adolin jumped. An overwhelming sense of urgency propelled every muscle in his body as he spoke up, barely letting the judge finish. "There's one more thing."
Sekeir’s ears pricked up. "Is that right?"
"I hate to abuse the kindness of the court, your honour but if I may, I need to ask for one last favour."
The judge screwed up his face and Adolin knew he wasn’t pleased to be cornered so thoroughly by good manners. "You can ask…"
"I would like to ask for Maya, my spren, to be with me." The crowd erupted in gasps and murmurs.
"You dare ask for such a thing? To imprison your deadeye with you? Are you bold or daft?"
"She doesn’t need to be imprisoned, I just need her near me, she’s my spren."
"A spren you forcibly bonded against her will"
“I didn’t know that back then but we are bonded nonetheless. Please, she needs me."
"She doesn't need you or your kind, she has her own, who actually care about her. In fact it would make more sense to break this unholy bond, free her of you…".
Blood rushed to his head like a fountain and he felt his eyes burn as fiery rage built up inside him. The voice in his head screamed at him to lash out, to curse at them, to humiliate and expose them. It threatened to spill over and unleash cold, bitter vengeance upon them.
It took all his might and more to restrain himself. All his muscles screamed and shook under the strain of staying in one place, like pushing against an invisible, immovable, wall.
A pressure was steadily building in his skull.
"No…" he cried, unable to listen any longer, his voice pained, guttural. "No, you can't do that to her, you'd kill her again"
Fear and panic settled in and he struggled to make out the words over the haze that had befallen his mind.
"She's dead already-"
"No she's not!"
The world quieted, everything stopped, he could feel her presence all around him, Maya's agony, her fear, her loneliness. She didn't want to die again and he wouldn't let her.
"Hush sweet Maya, I won't let them take you away." He thought to her.
The fuzzy, distant image of the court reappeared and he tried to focus on it. What was happening?
"...her agony comes from the wrong that was done to her, the wrong you perpetuate by..." Shekeir was still rumbling. How long had it been? Adolin couldn't think, his thoughts all a tangled mess, interwoven around Maya's anguish. It rippled inside him like waves, crushing against his hollow frame.
He raised his head and breathed slowly, fighting back the tears of so much raw and unprocessed emotions. The image of the judge swam in his vision and he tried to affix him with his stare.
"Please…" he managed, his voice small and ragged.
"What? speak up prisoner"
The voices died down among shushing sounds. He drew in another breath and the word trembled on his lips.
"I give up my other two requests-" his voice boomed around the room. "I ask for only this, I beg for it. One final mercy."
Shallan cried out in protest and he couldn't face her. He hanged his head waiting for judgment
Shuffling and scrambling could be heard from the judges pavilion, as the whispers from the crowd picked up again.
"Alas, we will concede, if only to have an end to this ordeal, on the one condition that she be willing..."
"Done." Adolin hastened to say before victory was snatched from him. His fears sated, he was able to breathe again.
"Finally. With this, the trial of Adolin Kholin for the crimes of his ancestors against the spren during the recreance mercifully concludes. It is the opinion of the whole court that justice was served here today, a long overdue justice, or a part of it."
"Adolin Kholin, are there any last words you want to share with this court before you are moved to your permanent quarters?" Ugh, the cell. Built specifically for him. A cage suspended over the main square, meant to humiliate and expose him every day of his life. The guards had made sure he saw it on their way to the court.
There was a finality in the calmness of the crowd that ruled and oppressed him. Adolin laboured to strengthen his thoughts, this really was his last chance. He turned his back to the judge to face the crowd, and for the first time he felt like he had their undivided attention along with some good will.
"Honourable members of this court, esteemed guests. I stand before you for the first time, a prisoner. My life is in your hands. I didn’t come here seeking martyrdom; I honestly never thought it would come to this. Still here we are, and though my life is ending today in a sense, I don't consider it wasted; even if it only serves to extend a pleading hand. I complete my mission, the decision now lies with you; along with the fate of the whole world.”
He turned to Shallan to steal a glance. Shallan's face was as solemn as his words but she still gave him a reassuring smile, a sign that he wasn’t messing everything up. With renewed strength he returned to his audience.
“Inadvertently though, it will serve another purpose as well. As a small token of recompense, for a centuries-old debt. Don't let my life be meaningless. Accept my sacrifice and let it begin to heal the wound between us. I pray it will be enough. Enough to show that there is still honour among men. Enough to prompt you to go and find out for yourselves if there’s anyone who deserves your bonds.”
Murmurs and gasps arose from the crowd. Feet shuffled behind him and all at once hands grabbed him, turning him to face the judge who was frothing at the mouth.
Sekeir’s eyes drilled into him as he flashed his teeth, but Adolin stood tall and held his ground. He had nothing to apologize for. Everything he said was the truth. Was it really such an offence to point out that the debt he was paying was, well, being paid? It seemed absurd to hold that against him but then again it weren’t coming from a place of reason but of fear.
"Silence. I will not accept such insolence in my court." the judge shrieked, the murmurs turning into hushed whispers. I guess he didn’t like that very much. Adolin smirked inwardly. Their outburst could only mean his words were effective. One spren turning was enough to make this worth it.
" How dare you challenge the court's ruling, after the leniency we have shown you? Arrogant, greedy human. Is this you being honourable? Is this you being grateful? You deserve none of our charity and you shall receive none. There will be no goodbyes, no last embrace; take the rest of them and throw them out. Now.”
“Leave them out of this.” Adolin scorned but nobody listened. Hands drove him to the ground. From the corner of his eye he could see guards dragging Shallan and Pattern as she screamed and fought.
“I’m sorry Shallan. I'm sorry.” He screamed at her, his voice barely audible above the commotion. Someone pushed his head back down and he was faced with the ground once again.
"And you can forget about your spren too. We will break your bond." Sekeir said bitterly.
Adolin's head spun as the words dug inside him like knives. Something primal woke up inside him, naked, unabated fear. He's whole frame shook from the excess as he came alive with it
"No!" he screamed.
"No!" Maya screamed in his mind.
"No. You can not do this." He thrashed against the hands holding him before something heavy met with the back of his head and everything went black.
Notes:
Funny story.
When I first came up with the idea a year ago I meant it to be a short story. It should have only been 2 chapters, with Maya and Adolin finding each other at the end of it.
It soon got out of hand and now the first 2 chapters barely cover the inciting incident of the first part of the story.
May the Stormfather have mercy on all our souls.
Chapter 3: The cell
Notes:
Edit: In the first paragraph. I have added a piece of information about Maya's whereabouts that I had forgot, whoopsies.
*laughs nervously*
Chapter Text
Before the end of Adolin’s trial, the spren had intended to keep him in public view, to be jeered at and harassed, conclusively proving just how bitter and cruel even slivers of God could be. It all changed after his little speech during sentencing. He hadn't thought at the time he was doing anything particularly objectionable. The spren apparently did though, so the concept of his punishment was turned on its head, from complete exposure to complete isolation. According to the spren, Adolin wasn’t worthy of such attention. They had already wasted too much of their time with him. The position would only make "the human more prominent", as they put it, when it was the deadeyes that deserved that attention. So, Maya was to take his place, displayed like a trophy in the cell meant to torment him while he was to be thrown in a remote cell to be forgotten. Out of sight out of mind.
Though it lacked in originality, the new plan didn't lack in cruelty.
Adolin awoke after sentencing, in a bare and dark cell, with a blinding headache. Cold granite walls surrounded him on all sides, adorned only with a heavy metal door. A long, horizontal slit that went from side to side, allowed him to be watched at all times.
It'd only been 35 days (according to the rotation of his only 2 guards given they worked half day shifts) since he’d been locked up in here and he was already starting to feel the strain. He couldn’t sleep well, he couldn't exercise, he could barely stomach the poor excuse for food they served him on a daily basis. Already skirting the edges if his resolve, he was starting to regret the decisions that brought him here. He felt so ashamed (his father would be), to realise just how weak he was. He could see it, in time this cell would break him.
He tried to turn his thoughts away from his father; Shallan should have already returned to Roshar, told everyone of his failure, his shame.
He couldn’t think about his father, just like he couldn't think about Shallan, or Kaladin or his brother… God Almighty! Poor Renarin. If he really thought about him, he would surely lose it. He had betrayed them all, hurt them. If (when) he gave into those thoughts they would break him.
For now though he could push them back a little longer, hide from them while he focused on the only thing that was left to him, Maya. He still had her, she was within arms reach, he just had to get her.
He tried everything he could think of to get her back, which mostly consisted of asking for her (not many options in this tiny cell).
In the beginning he had lots of visitors. Many “important” spren showed their faces; most to gloat but some to apologize as well (in secret of course, but still.)
He asked everyone for her. He pleaded, he bargained, he threatened, he begged. It was no use; even the sympathetic ones gave him no hope. Sekeir’s mind was made up with strong support behind him, the propaganda campaign already under way. In other words it was a political decision with a lot of capital already invested behind it.
Any time he didn’t spend trying to assuage the spren, he spend looking for her in his mind. He knew she was out there, he had felt here before, he had spoken with her. She was within reach, he only had to find her. He cried out to her, into every crevice of his mind. He revisited all their moments together, the good and the bad, before and after he got to know her. He remembered how she made him feel, how he could read her emotions.
Nothing. She was nowhere. His heart squeezed painfully with every unanswered call. His hand itched to summon her like he had always done in times of distress, having to remind himself again and again that it would only hurt her.
Despair started creeping at the edges of his consciousness, just outside of his vision, threatening to spill and marr everything.
Threatening to betray his faith. She wasn’t there, she couldn’t hear him. Maybe Maya was indeed better without him, maybe she didn't need him after all, not here. It frightened him, so he did the only thing he could do to defend himself; reach out for her more loudly, more desperately, more intently.
He had been doing that more and more lately as his free time increased. True to their word, the spren were already forgetting about him. He was not deterred, he couldn't afford to.
So he did the only thing in his power. He relentlessly pestered the only people he saw lately, his 2 single guards, asking for her over and over again. There was little any of them could do and maybe it wasn’t fair, but Adolin needed Maya, and if this is what they had to suffer to get her, then so be it.
***
"Please, just for a minute, just from afar, please ask...." Adolin tried to say.
Bang, bang ,bang.
Garrion, a stout man with broad shoulders, a moustache and a permanently pinched face, the meanest of his 2 guards, forcefully kicked the door.
The metal shook, the noise reverberated, piercing Adolin’s ears as he tried to speak.
“Hey… stop that… what's the meaning—” he tried to say but the guard resumed his banging as soon as he opened his mouth.
“Payback. If I have to hear you beg one more time for that spren of yours I will lose it. It’s either you or me and I much rather it’d be you.”
Unreasonable anger bubbled in Adolin, he knew he would finally annoy the guards enough to get a reaction but still he was mad. “You can do that all you want, that’s still won't stop me. I have literally nothing else to do with my time. We will see who breaks first”
“Compelling reasoning, it would theoretically work, only there's one thing you don’t know about.” Adolin froze in place, the vindictiveness in the guards voice warned him this was important. The guard studied him with glistening eyes. “You can become as insufferable and annoying as you possibly could, but no matter how much I or anyone else minds, it still won't change the fact that you will never see your deadeye again.”
“Why not, why do you care so much? It’s not out of concern for her and please don’t try to pretend that it is, it’s only so that I will suffer. You already have me locked up, how much more do you need?.”
“While I care deeply to see you suffer as much as possible, unfortunately for you there is a more important reason for this whole exercise beyond your own discomfort.” The eyes narrowed on him waiting for his reaction and Adolin tried his best to hide his increasingly sweaty palms and not to swallow hard. He didn’t say anything, he knew he didn’t need to.
“You see…” the guard went on, his grin clear in his voice. “People around here don’t like your bond, it's unnatural, they wish to break it..” Adolin felt the pinpricks of cold sweat on his forehead as the guard continued.
“...they plan to keep you apart for for however long it takes for your bond to fade.” the voice sounded like it was coming out of grinning lips and Adolin felt his stomach twist. This couldn’t be true, this was not possible he tried to convince himself, yet he had to hug his knees to stop himself from throwing up.
“That’s a lie, it doesn't work that way.” he managed to force out.
“Sure it does. But even if it doesn’t, the spren are willing to try it, so for you the result would be the same.”
The guard’s belly laugh haunted Adolin. He wasn’t saying that just to get to him, it was true.
“You see what you’ve done? You made me tell you, I was planning to drag this out as long as possible. I guess you win this round little prince.” the guard moved from the little opening on the door and laughed again, seemingly content.
“Why do you care so much to torment me? I didn’t do anything to you” Adolin asked through clenched teeth. He felt like a petulant child but he couldn't stop himself.
The guard's laughter was cut short and he returned to the little slit with a bang, his eyes crazed. “You think you are innocent? You think you didn’t do anything to hurt anyone here? Are you really so arrogant, so oblivious, so storming self-righteous?” His voice came through gritted teeth, seething with contempt.
Adolin was caught off guard, what did he do to this man? He honestly couldn’t think of anything so he kept his mouth shut even though it felt like admitting defeat.
“Of course you have no clue. No matter, I will still enjoy watching you suffer.”
“It won't work, she wants to be bonded to me. It doesn't matter that you are keeping us apart, our bond is stronger than that ”
“She's doing just fine without you. If she could want anything it wouldn't be another bond with your lot. But that’s alright, it's nothing a little time apart can’t fix. Soon she will be free of you.”
“I think you’ll be surprised.”
“I think you’ll be disappointed. Proximity is essential to any bond, even with live spren, and yours if fraudulent, fickle, it won't last long. But, I’m sure you’ll forget about her before she forgets about you.”
“Then you don’t know anything.” The guard scoffed and Adolin hid from his view as tears flowed from his eyes and over his hands and in the crook of his neck.
***
His mind was stuck.
It couldn't be true. His bond couldn't fade. He couldn't believe it but still it clawed at his mind.
Time passed, he didn’t know how long, days, weeks, he couldn't tell, he didn't ask.
If Maya was gone from him, then he had nothing. Nothing. These walls, this measly bed, this is what he would have to content with. How could he possibly… how?
He held on hope that it was all an elaborate lie to torment him but even the more sympathetic guard, despite his own horror at the intention of his fellow spren, couldn’t deny that their method could actually be effective.
He sank further down his mind.
No, they couldn't take her too. He couldn't lose her too. He couldn’t just add her to all the rest he would never see again. He needed her.
Even before he had her he needed her, but it wasn’t until he bonded her that he’d realized just how much he did. At 14, the week he spent with her by his side was the first time he'd felt happy ever since his mother had died. She had given him strength and confidence, she made him feel safe. She was always there for him. Whenever he was anxious or scared or in danger, just ten heartbeats away.
He lost track and he lost hope. She wasn’t there, she couldn’t hear him; not over a fading bond. Doubt started to creep in. Maybe Maya was indeed better without him, maybe she didn't need him after all, not here.
And now? Just as he was getting to know her—it wasn’t fair, it couldn’t end like this, he couldn’t bear it.
He wouldn’t last.
His father would last, his mind cruelly supplied. Kaladin would last, Renarin, Shallan—but he broke, just like that, at the first sign of trouble. He was such an embarrassment. This was the one thing he could do in this war. Everyone else was out there doing all sorts of impossible things while all he had to do was just sit in prison and he couldn't even do that.
His mind ached for relief. In the past, that meant the sword, his sword, Maya. For as long as he could remember that’s where he would always run to for shelter, for focus, for guidance. There was no dueling anymore, no sword. He stretched his hand reflexively, like he always used to do when nervous and had to stop himself yet again.
Her memory, now an open wound like all the rest. He had managed to betray her as well. He somehow managed to hurt everyone he cared about. They all should rightly hate him by now. He let them all down. He tried to hide from it but everywhere he turned there was pain.
There was no safe place in his mind away from his father, his brother, his wife, his best friend.
His stomach growled again, he tried not to think of food. That too was a sore subject for him. Ever since the revelation, and even before that if he was being honest, his appetite had plummeted and the little food he managed to eat usually came back up again. Just thinking about it made his stomach churn, he tried and failed to distract himself.
There was no escape, there was no place his mind could go to that didn't hurt worse. Everywhere he looked there was pain. All his happy memories now open wounds. A life that was dead to him, just like he was dead to the world.
His mind skidded from one to the next as if walking on coals, constantly jumping and burning the whole way.
Sleeping or awake, he was constantly plagued by cruel images. All the pain that his decision would cause, repeated behind his eyes like a sick, twisted stage play, performed over and over again only for his torment.
Kaladin, standing on the edge of the tower, looking down the great fall, needing only a single kind word, only a warm hand to wrap around his own to save him, but no one was there to give it to him. He himself, still as helpless and as trapped as he is now, receiving the news. (would the news even reach him?).
Shallan, breaking into a million pieces, surrounded by crowds of people, and no one ever notices as she disappears before their very eyes.
His father, looking at him with hatred from beyond the grave, around him the devastated landscape of war. “You see this? This is what you did to me, to us. This is what your weakness cost us. I always knew you were weak, a disappointment, but now it’s there for all the world to see.”
Renarin, an old man, sitting on his throne, surrounded by the love and happiness that he made for himself (just like he deserves), breaking down in ugly tears at the memory of his long lost brother.
There he breaks, there he always breaks. His sweet little brother deserved the world and he had lost the one person he could rely on. I'm so sorry, please don't hate me. Who would be there for them, to comfort and console them? He had abandoned them all, betrayed them in the worst way. All the pain he felt, all the despair, not even a fraction of what he deserved.
There, another voice voice tried to slither in, to gain purchase. It whispered that it's all a lie, that he was worthless and nobody needed him, nobody missed him, the fate of the world wouldn't change because he's no longer in it.
He rejected that voice. That voice didn't offer harsh truths, it offered complacency, surrender. It was a way out to believe that nobody cared, that his actions hurt none other than himself. He wouldn't take it, he wouldn't betray their love to comfort himself no matter how it wrecked him.
He had cried himself dry. His body laid motionless, wrung out, and out of tears. His mind was mercifully burned out, completely numb. He couldn't think of a coherent thought if he wanted to.
It was somehow relieving but also distressing at the same time.
There, in the absolute stillness he felt… a tug.
It was something.
It was everything.
Chapter 4: Progress
Notes:
Hey guys, thank you for the support and lovely comments, you are awesome. I'm sorry for the long wait, but the next one is almost ready :)
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Chapter Text
A tug. It was something. It was everything.
As soon as he sensed it, it was gone and he strained tryin to find it again. He focused on his breathing, trying to temper his thumping heart and quiet up his mind.
There was nothing for a long time. Fear started to spring up inside him that it was all a dream, a delusion, but then—
His blood froze and his breath caught as he felt the tug again. An almost imperceptible pull coming from somewhere far. He followed it with the dedication of a hungry axe hound. It was so faint, so fragile, he had to hold on it as strong and as gently as he could. He followed down, through incomprehensible landscapes that bent his mind. The more he fell the more he felt, his mind a jumbled mess, struggling to hold on to confused thoughts that faded away.
He held onto his bed for dear life, as his mind plunged into the waters of oblivion.
There was no sense of direction, every which way he turned there was an open sea of beads. Huge waves rose before him, spurred on by a non-existent wind. The air was drowned in horrible screams that came ceaselessly from all around. Agony and rage and oh so much pain came through unfiltered and hit him like a stormwall. He felt his soul vibrate along, filling him with deep sorrow.
He couldn't escape it. The only way out was back, and he wasn't going back, not until he found Maya. If this was the price for that he would pay it gladly.
He called out her name again and again but he could barely hear his own voice.
He drifted through the ocean, waves pushing him hither and thither, crashing into him with incredible force.
Time passed and it wasn't long before the agony and the grief sipped in, soaking him through and through till he couldn't tell his own feelings apart, the screams no longer registering.
Swimming in that bitter ocean, he forgot himself.
***
When he woke up again he was confused and sore all over. He couldn't tell where he was or even where he was supposed to be.
He tried to think but he couldn't focus his mind enough for conscious thought. The constant aches all over however was surprisingly helpful in keeping him connected with reality.
It must have been several minutes when Adolin was alert enough to understand that he had yet to try and open his eyes. He did so with caution, half convinced that the light would blind him. Instead the light barely trickled in to reveal his too familiar cell. He couldn't tell why but he was surprised to see it, as if he had forgotten all about it, as if expecting to wake up in his room in Kholinar or something.
Tears stung behind his eyes as his brain caught up again with the last (what was it, five, ten months?) since he left Roshar. He felt so childish at the outburst, yet the tears never stopped, the grief from his dream still clinging to him tight. His stomach churned but as he sat up his world spun and before he knew it his head was hitting the pillow.
***
When he awoke again someone was nudging him, slowly coaxing him awake, calling his name. That was strange, it had been so long the feeling surprised him.
"Mmmh" was all he managed to say before started making out words."…not moved since my last …?"
Adolin blinked trying to understand who was speaking and what he was saying. He opened his mouth to speak but his throat was dry and he could only croak.
"Kholin, can you hear me?" Someone was talking.
"Humm" was all the response Adolin could muster, not really sure of what was going on, his head pounding in his ear, his muscles still protesting his every move.
"Hey, are you still alive?" The guard, Rhollin, Adolin decided, who else could it be?
"I'm up." he barely managed to say but made no move to do so.
"Hey, are you alright? Have you moved from that spot since my last shift?" He asked, worry evident in his voice. It caught him off guard, Adolin didn't know he cared enough to worry.
"Your last shift?" Adolin croaked, his throat scratchy and sore. Rhollyn moved and in the next moment there was a cup to his lips. The water was cool and soothing and it brought him back to himself a bit more. "Thank you" he whispered but the guard just went on.
"I came in and you were sleeping, mumbling, thrushing. I tried to wake you but couldn't. You were asleep when I left and when I returned today you were still asleep, it looks like you haven't moved. “Are you alright?"
The look on the spren's face was honest and for a moment Adolin considered answering honestly about where he'd been. He couldn't use it against him, could he? He would rather not find out.
"What was I saying?" he asked instead.
"Nothing I could make out, but you seemed pretty distressed."
"Oh. I'm alright now. I think I might have a cold or something." he lied, hoping that the spren wouldn't know enough about humans to question him.
Rhollyn paused, staring back out at him, a helpless look on his face. "You need to eat." he said, pointing to the plate already set up. He felt his stomach clench at the mention of food, something bitter coating his tongue. He didn't say anything, but something must have shown on his face because Rhollyn looked regretful as he pressed on
"From what I understand, the last time you ate anything was a couple days ago. Don't humans need to eat a lot more than that?"
He really didn't feel like it but he couldn't deny the guards logic and he quietly relented to the spren’s wishes.
Despite his best efforts and the guard's disappointed face, he didn't manage to finish even a quarter of his food.
The haunting feeling of grief and pain from his dream still lingering, more real than he was willing to admit. His mind drifted to that place again and again, itching to get back. Maya was there and he would find her, no matter what.
***
It wasn't long till he was back, sailing the all encompassing ocean, even further steeped in the misery and pain that permeated that place.
It wasn't much longer still when, in the chorus of screams, he found one more familiar, at long last. The agonized scream that used to tear through his soul whenever it escaped her lips was now music to his ears. He latched on to it and fought his way to her, to Maya, his spren.
He woke up panting, and aching more than ever to have her by his side. Hope and relief washed over him in waves, almost masking his exhaustion. She was there, he was sure now. He was on the right path.
It took an embarrassing amount of time for him to realize that Rhollyn was once again hovering over him like an overprotective nanny. His pride wouldn’t let him admit it but he was growing to like the care and the company.
“Kholin? Are you with me?”
He sat up, cross legged, in bed, rubbing at his eyes .
“Adolin.” Adolin grumbled
“What?”
“We’ve talked about this, call me Adolin.”
“Right. Then, Adolin, you were mumbling again.” He said as he moved around the room.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t too loud, was I?”
The guard gave him an incredulous look in response.
“I don’t want to bother you..” Adolin said defensively. It was a dumb thing to say and if the expression on Rhollyn’s face was anything to go by he agreed as well.
Rhollyn surprised him by changing the subject.
“You should eat something, it’s been days since you’ve had a good meal” something akin to excitement at the edge of his voice.
He wasn't wrong, he could barely eat these days. The thought of food made him nauseous more often than not. He was beginning to lose weight and he was constantly tired.
He knew he should eat, but the knot in this stomach had other ideas.
“I’m sorry Rhollyn. I don’t think I could eat, not right now.”
Rhollyn turned around and headed out the cell, surprisingly not looking defeated in the slightest.
The door of the cell was already open, Rhollyn usually kept it that way, coming and going as he needed. The sight of the open door greatly affected him.
He didn’t dream of escape; he didn't dare; he was in an entirely different realm. But somehow with the door open, his cell didn’t feel so small, so oppressive, he could breathe freely again.
“Come on.. It’s soup. You can eat some soup, right?” His barely suppressed excitement was now a glint in his eye and a hopeful wide grin across his face.
How could he ever say no to that?
“Sure kid, I’ll have some soup. It might be nice.” He missed the old, comfy feeling of hot soup warming him from the inside out.
The soup was all it was cracked up to be,a smile finding its way to his lips easily as he finished the whole bowl.
“‘So did you like it?” the spren asked, more nervous that he had a right to be.
“I think you can already tell that I really enjoyed it.”
The smile beamed again on Rhollyn's face and his back straightened up in pride.
“You know, I think this is the first time I've had soup here…” Adolin said raising an eyebrow
“Yeah, it's sick food, isn't it? And you are sick”
“Right…” He’d told him that. “I’m better now.” He tried to reassure him.
“Well you don’t look better…so I asked around about humans, about what to do when they get sick…I read a couple of books—”
“You did?”
“Well, yeah…” Rhollyn would've flushed pink if he could.
Adolin paused, assuming a serious air. He placed his hand over Rholin’s and gazed at hiim somberly. “You didn’t have to do that. Thank you, Rhollyn. Truly. You are a good man.”
He meant it with his whole heart and tried to show as much on his face yet Rhollyn stiffened, his eyes falling to his shoes. Adolin watched curiously, waiting for the spren to find his words.
“Well, someone had to.” he managed to squeeze out yet it was like an accusation.
Adolin didn’t really understand but he was worried. “What’s wrong?”
“I.. I was worried,” the guard stuttered, “it’d been days and you… I went to my superiors to ask for help—reported back to them… they didn’t… the other guard contradicted me… They didn’t care, or more they didn’t want to hear it.”
Of course. Why was he surprised to hear that? He shouldn’t be, there seemed to be no low the spren wouldn’t stoop to. He should be boiling with anger, with righteous fury, and yet.
Rhollyn sounded pained, ashamed. Adolin wanted to reach out and hold him, it wasn’t his fault, but the guard went on.
“So I went to the cooks myself, asked for their help. They wanted to know what happened and I told them. Let’s just say they weren’t pleased to hear it. They promised to do whatever they can to help, which isn’t much considering they’d have to do it in secret.”
He looked back at the spren looking even more devastated than before. Adolin’s heart ached for him.
“Hey, it will be ok, I made it out of worse situations than this. we’ll find a way.” he heard himself saying.
Where was this coming from? When did he find the courage to utter those words?
Rhollyn Looked at him hopefully, worry bleeding out of his face just a little.
Oh, that’s right. Now he had someone else to worry about, someone to put a front for; someone to project strength for and hope he started to believe it too.
It was nice, comforting even. It was familiar. He breathed a deep long breath as if there was new found space in his lung, a weight lifted off.
He couldn’t deny that he was fond of the spren and not only because he was the only one he could talk to and/or actually gave a shit about him, but also because he was a pure soul. No mask, no hidden agenda, no pretense. It was easy and comforting. He hoped one day he’d be able to pay it back.
And then Adolin made a decision.
“I found Maya.” he said before he could regret it.
Rhollyn starred. “What?”
“You keep asking what’s happening, well, that’s what I've been doing when I ‘sleep’”
“ I don't understand what you are trying to say.”
“In my dreams, visions. I think she showed me the way to where she is. A strange place full of pain, more a feeling. I think she’s there. I heard her voice. It won't be long before I have her.”
The guard continued to stare, his expression filling with concern.
“And that’s why you mumble and flail in your bed?”
“I suppose.”
The guard didn't looked pleased
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s just that. It’s not possible.”
Adolin scrunched up his face. “Care to explain?”
The guard looked sheepish. “Well, you are both in Shadesmar, and… it’s practically impossible with a normal bond and yours...”
Adolin swallowed the unintended jab. “I don’t know about that, I just know what I saw. I’m not lying to you”
“No, no, I’m not saying you are—.” Rhollyn hastened to reassure. “—I just think maybe you could have misinterpreted it.”
“Well I can’t tell you more than what I understand is happening. I thought she would be in there and now I know she is. It must mean something.
‘We’ll see.”
“You'll see when I find her. Of course you'll have to take my word for it but I won't lie to you, I promise.”
“I trust you.” the spren hastened to reassure.
The easy declaration caught Adolin by surprise. It'd been too long since anyone had any faith in him and a spren nonetheless.
“Likewise.” Adolin managed to choke out.
Chapter Text
He had followed Maya's scream. He’d followed it ferociously against the punishing waves until, for the first time in this place, far in the distance, he’d seen land.
It had taken several visits to reach it, losing some of his headway every time he’d returned, but nothing mattered when he was finally standing at the shore.
A steep incline rose before him, a mix of tangled roots made out of jagged rocks jutting from the sea. Maya's scream, a constant, heartbreaking thing, drowned the air and spurred him up the cliffside as it erased every other thought.
After what felt like hours, panting and completely exhausted, he finally reached the precipice.
He took in his surroundings as he caught his breath. In front of him stretched a ruined landscape. The remnants of a once great palace laid in the midst of a long-dead, walled off, overgrown garden, and... and in the middle of a clearing a hunching figure, the source of the scream.
Maya.
She had her back turned to him, seemingly oblivious to his presence, as Adolin's own heart pumped so forcefully he thought it might just burst through his chest.
"Maya" he tried to say but the words choked in his throat, the lump in it too great to let any sound past. He took a deep breath and tried again as his feet slowly carried him towards her on their own accord. "Maya", his voice came out cracked, pained, small but it came out and no matter how soft it was she seemed to hear, even over her own screams. The reaction was immediate. At the sound of her own name the screaming stopped, the figure turned completely still for a split second before sharply snapping her head back to him. He caught a glimpse of the familiar, beloved face. A range of too many, too strong emotions bloomed inside his heart; he needed to hold Maya tight against his chest before they strangled him.
He didn’t have the chance though as Maya’s face twisted in a fearful expression. Her screams started again, more frantic than before, deafening and overwhelming, as she rushed to him, hands raised in front of her ready to attack.
Adolin startled, caught off guard. He didn’t expect this. It didn't matter though. She was there, he had found her and he wasn’t about to cower now. He opened his arms in an embrace, more than willing to take her as she was, rage and anger and pain and all.
He let out a big breath and closed his eyes as a wall of force, as strong as her screams hit him hard. She attacked viciously and without remorse. Nails dug deep into his flesh, tearing it shreds, hot, molted pain overtaking his every nerve but nothing hurt more than Maya’s frantic, unseeing gaze, betraying fear more than anything else.
"Maya. it's me, it's Adolin. I'm so sorry love, I'm so sorry. I'm here now, I have you and I'm never going anywhere ever again." He screamed at her again and again as he tried to hold her close but his voice didn't seem to reach her.
What could he do? He couldn't defend himself, he couldn't attack, he couldn't run away. None of those were options. He would never shy away from her, not in fear, not in pain. If that's what she needed, if this is how she felt, then Adolin would oblige. It was his own fault after all. All of this was his fault. He is the one who condemned Maya to a life apart from him. He's responsible for this pain and he'll gladly take it.
Pain seared through him from ever-increasing gashes and all he could do was grit his teeth and close his eyes tight, trying not to flinch as the pain crescendoed.
And then it was over. Just as it was getting too much to bear it stopped, along with the noise, the darkness. He held his breath, trying to get his bearings, preparing himself for what he would face, when...
"Adolin?! Are you awake? Oh thank Honor." That was Rhollyn's voice, that meant he was back. That meant he hadn't finished the job. Storms.
"Hey, hey, are you alright? Are you alive?" Rhollyn's voice was frantic, Adolin noted, more than ever before. What was so wrong? He tried, but he couldn't really think straight so he gave up on the endeavor entirely, opting for opening his eyes and finding out first hand.
He made to move his hand to reassure him but even the effort was too much. It sent hot spikes of pain up his arm while a sickening numbness spread through him.
An involuntary groan escaped his lips and Rhollyn was on him trying to sit him up. Hot, pulsing, raging pain assaulted him every touch, every squeeze, like hot coals under his skin, till tears started to sting his eyes. He desperately tried to tell Rhollyn to stop but he couldn’t through his shallow breaths, cool air brushing against his damp forehead.
"STOP" was all he managed to whiz out before laying completely motionless on the bed, taking shallow unsatisfying breaths through grilled teeth, his whole body clenching in pain.
When he tried to move, nausea came with full force. He barely managed to roll to the edge of the bed before his stomach violently spasm and its meager contents spilled onto the floor.
He retched a few times, pain flaring in his chest with each one before he rolled on to the bed heaving for breath, sweat dampening his forehead.
His eyes drooped as the pain simmered and he was quickly losing the fight with consciousness but not before he felt a cool, wet rug wiping his forehead.
He came to consciousness again, feeling drops of cool water sliding down his throat. He tried to think back to what happened. He remembered finding Maya, but from there all he got were brief flashes of pain, maybe of Rhollyn carrying him?
He startled but the pain wasn't there anymore. Instead he was just met with a dull, tired ache all over his body.
“Hey, Adolin, are you with me this time or are you going to pass out again?”
“Hey. I’m back.” He tried to push himself up but all his limbs protested. Rhollyn was on him the next moment, taking him by the shoulders and sitting him up, back against the wall. A wave of dizziness hit him at the sudden movement. He closed his eyes and tilted his head steady against the wall until it passed. He was momenterally puzzled before recalling he hadn’t eaten in 2 days. When he opened them again a cup of water was in front of him.
“Drink.” Rhollyn ordered and watched him carefully as he did so. “Are you alright?” The worry was evident and Adolin felt guilty.
“Much better, mainly tired.”
“What happened?”
Adolin smiled at the memory of Maya. "I found her. I found Maya."
The guard's eyes widened and mouth hanged for a second before his brow furrowed. “Not that I’m not excited about it, but how does this explain anything?”
Adolin took a steadying breath. "She attacked me " he said reluctantly
"She.. what? why would she do that?"
"It's not her fault..” he hastened to defend her, ”... she was in pain, she didn't recognize me. We've been apart too long I think. Maybe our bond is indeed fading. But don’t worry, she will remember me soon enough." he blurted out as fast as he could trying to circumvent any of Rhollyn’s objections.
Rhollyn starred, confusion and frustration evident in his face. Adolin watched silently as Rhollyn tried to put his thoughts in order. He opened his mouth to speak several times before closing it again as if not sure what to say first before finally settling.
“So let me get this straight. You found Maya, but she didn’t recognize you so she attacked you…” Rhollyn paused waiting for confirmation.
“Correct.” Adolin supplied.
“And because she attacked you, you woke up hurt instead of just tired like before.”
“Um, yeah, that makes sense.” he said less sure.
“But she will remember you soon enough? Meaning she will attack you next time you see her.” The spren tried to control himself and be collected but his simmering anger showed.
Adolin wanted to refute him but he couldn’t so he just stared.
“And you want to go back?” Rhollyn’s calm facade completely disappeared but anger stirred in Adolin as well at the implication that he shouldn’t.
“Sooner rather than later,” he replied coldly.
“You can’t, not before you recover.”
“You don’t understand. She needs me Rhollyn. She is in pain and she needs me, I can't turn my back on her.”
"It's you who doesn't understand- You were asleep for almost three days. You couldn't get up, you couldn't eat. I had to drag you to the bathroom, I had to spoon- feed you water. You can barely sit up straight and you want to go back there already?
"It's you who doesn't understand- You didn’t have to drag anyone to the bathroom, or spoon feed them water, or sit here for days wondering if that you were ever going to wake up. “
Adolin bowed his head in shame. He had already considered the stress Rhollyn must have experienced but it was one thing to suspect it intellectually and another entirely to have it thrown in your face in such a pained voice.
"I can't wait long. Every hour I waste here, the further gone she will be when I get back. I know that if I go now it will be bad. But if I wait much longer it will be worse. It's already been three days.
He meant for hir words to be soothing, well, not soothing, but at least calming, definite, final. that they would settle the argument and magically restore peace, but instead Rhollyn only got more agitated, pacing the cell Manically. Adolin Knew there were no calming words that would help him right now so he kept his mouth shut.
But alas, even his apparent resignation was enough of a spark for the guard to blow up. "And what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to help you?” Rhollyn was franting now, not even attempting to conceal the desperation in his voice.
He couldn't help feeling guilty at that but he pushed it down, he had to, for Maya. "Rhollyn...you know I have to..." he pleaded in a low voice, but the spren's eyes only went more wild.
“YOU CAN'T GO BACK — You can't. I won't let you.” the guards yelled, his voice hoarse reverberating on the bare walls of the small cell.
Adolin's heart cracked even further but before he could attempt to comfort Rhollyn he was interrupted by the creaking sound of the door opening.
Time seemed to slow down as blood rushed in his ears, his face turned to stone as he watched three spren enter, swords drawn, pointing at them.
Adolin watched in horror as the spren surrounded Rhollyn pointing their swords at him, his heart pounding in his ears. No, it couldn’t be, they couldn’t be found out. What would he do without Rhollyn?
He didn’t have time to think as he shot off the bed, grabbing the wooden ladle from the water barrel, and swiftly disarming the closest one. It was clear that the spren were inexperienced, maybe he could do this. He turned to the next spren not missing a beat but just as he did his vision darkened and his world spun.
He felt himself go down but as he did he thought he heard the sound of metal clanking against the stone floor.
Notes:
Love to hear your thoughts on anything.
Chapter 6: Taking care
Notes:
I'm so sorry for leaving you with a cliffhanger, it wasn't my intention. I hope this chapter makes up for it.
Chapter Text
He woke up with a start, to find the three strange spren looking down upon him. His blood ran cold. They were caught and now he would be alone again.
“He is up.” The spren who looked like a young woman declared to someone over Adolin’s shoulder.
“Get back, you’ll scare him.” Rhollyn’s voice said from behind him before he materialized in front of him a second later, sitting on the bed next to him holding his shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry, it’s alright.”
Rhollyn seemed calm enough to be convincing yet Adolin was still confused. How could it be alright?
His worry must’ve shown because the guard hastened to add, “I promise. They are here to help.” Rhollyn said.
Adolins’s confusion doubled. How could that be? Rhollyn didn’t tell anyone right? He wouldn’t do that without talking to him first. Except, here they stood, hovering over him as if studying him.
“Adolin, this is Ashera, Deckton and Lyreah, ” he pointed to the older woman, a young man and a young woman respectively who waved at him. “They all work together, taking care of the old spren. And this is Adolin Kholin, Highprince and bonded to Maya.” he said, turning to the intruders.
“It’s nice to meet you, your majesty.” the young ones murmured.
“You look after Maya?” Adolin interrupted, eyes full of hope, all his previous objections and concerns extinguished like a candle in the highstorm.
The older woman, Ashera, looked uncomfortable, regretful “you know where Maya is right?”
The mental image of Maya huddled up in “his” cell, out in the open, to be observed like an exhibit, popped up in his mind, rekindling that old familiar bitterness towards the spren. He pushed it back, these people before him weren’t to blame.
“She is not in our purview but she is well taken care of. We keep an eye on her, she’s alright.”
Adolin felt his face drop and a sour taste in his mouth, as if personally offended. Maya was anything but alright. He swallowed the objection on the tip of his tongue not wanting to reveal anything.
Adolin stared at Rhollyn ignoring the others. “Why are they here?”
“They were about to explain themselves before you woke up.” meaning he hadn’t known, hadn’t talked to anyone, which made more sense. Why would they draw their swords if they were invited?
“So, then, why are you here?” Adolin snapped remembering their entrance..
“We wanted to meet you, to help you.” The girl, Lyreah chirped, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
“Is that why you came in threatening us?”
“In our defense we were just threatening your guard.”
Adolin eyed them waiting for an explanation.
“We heard yelling from the other side of the door, and we imagined the worst.”
“So you barged in and threatened the guard? What if he thought you were trying to free me?”
“To be fair…” the younger man spoke, a sheepish grin on his face, “...we didn’t really think things through. Honestly, we didn’t expect you to receive good treatment here and when we heard the shouts…”
“Why were you willing to risk coming here in the first place?” Adolin said thoroughly confused by the conversation”
“We wanted to meet you.”
“Why? Why now?”
“We have wanted to for a long time. It might surprise you, but not all of us agree with the outcome of the trial. We wanted to apologize, to help if we could.”
“But there is another reason for your visit, isn't there. There’s something you want, right?”
“How can you be so sure?” Deckton asked, a touch offended but mostly curious.
“I can see it in your eyes, in your tense posture, as if bursting at the seams to ask for it. Go ahead then, don’t be shy.”
“Well, as Rhollyn said we all work with the deadeyes, we have been doing that for a very long time, all our lives.”
“That is to say, we know them pretty well, probably more than anyone else.” the young man, Deckton, interjected, excitement barely concealed in his voice. What was there to be excited about?
“Yeah… so?” he asked warily.
“Well, we have observed… new, peculiar behaviors. Like, anything new from them is mind-blowing but this...”
Adolin stiffened, it sounded too much like a trap. “This?” He asked reluctantly.
“I mean, even if you only consider the way they all descended upon the tower, congregating here...”
“It’s been a long time since the trial, why are you concerned now.?”
“Because it never stopped. The deadeyes didn’t leave, instead more arrive everyday. If they were here for the trial, they should have gone by now.”
“Not only that.” The young woman, Lyreah, spoke freely for the first time. “Other things too, stranger still, things that perhaps only we could spot.”
She belatedly realized that everyone was watching her and she shrunk a little but still went on. “Like, they have collective moods."
"Moods?" Adolin and Rhollyn asked in unison.
"Yeah, moods. Sometimes happy, sometimes nervous, sometimes sad, even contemplative at times. They all feel the same feeling, some more intensely than others”
“We've never seem anything like that. It shouldn't be possible. It started a while ago,” Ashera, the stoic older woman, took over again. ”It was barely noticeable at first, only a few spren here and there. We went to our superiors to report but they assured us we were wrong and that nothing is going on. They also gave us grave warnings about not going around spreading false rumors. And so we did. We stepped back and didn’t even talk about it amongst ourselves. Until...until it became too much and we couldn’t ignore it any more… and here we are.”
“Here? Doing what exactly?”
“Testing out a theory?”
“That states?” Adolin quickly prodded, losing his patience.
Ashera hesitated for the first time, taking her time to choose her words carefully. “Look, the only thing we can say with certainty is that something more is going on. something is changing with the old spren and to keep denying the plain truth isn’t going to help anyone.”
“So what? Are you here to ask for our opinion?” The guard's voice was rising steadily and Adolin knew he was deflecting, trying his best to not hint at Adolin’s connection with Maya.
“Aa, what? No, we… think—we don’t know. We…” Lyreah stumbled,
Ashera, the “no-nonsense spren” bit back. “We believe that you, Brightlord, are the catalyst for this change. You are the only variable, it has to be you.”
Adolin eyed Rhollyn who eyed him right back, both communicating their reluctance and suspicion as a tense silence fell over the room. Strangely the other three spren seemed to be doing the same.
“And what if you are wrong, what if I don't have anything more to tell you?”
“It would certainly be unfortunate but as we’ve said earlier–” She eyed both him and Rhollyn pointedly bringing them to attention. “We have wanted to meet you long before this. The offer of help is not contingent on this.”
“We brought you a gift, as a token of our good will”
“A gift? What is it?”
The girl pulled a small wooden box from her jacket and offered it to Adolin, extending both arms.
“It’s called candy.”
“Candy?”
“It’s suitable for humans, the merchant assured us.” she said earnestly, a grin splitting her face.
Adolin opened the box and stared at red crystal spheres the size of grapes.
“Pretty, aren’t they?” the girl asked with delight.
Adolin popped one in his mouth after examining it. He was immediately assaulted by a sour taste that made his mouth water that then was flooded with an intensely sweet one. The sensation overtook him. How long had it been since the last time he tasted something this good?
He closed his eyes and savored the rare treat. When he opened them again he could see the hopeful faces of four spren.
It would seem that the spren really didn’t mean him harm and really cared about the old spren. They also were desperate for answers and if Adolin could provide them, regardless if they were actually correct, it would win him multiple valuable allies that he was in desperate need of; Rhollyn was great but he was already doing too much.
***
So he told them everything. He told them about feeling Maya at his trial, about all the times before that, about looking for her and finding her in that strange place. The caretaker spren watched in awe and amazement, eyes widening at every new detail as Rhollyn interjected to add all the adverse effects of his exploits.
By the time he was done every bit of him felt lighter, as if relieved of an invisible weight. Speaking the words made everything more real and the affirming looks dispelled his creeping doubts that maybe he was losing his mind, that maybe it was all for not, that maybe this was just a distraction.
Rhollyn's indignant tone brought him out of his thoughts. “So wait, you believe everything he says, just like that?”
“We believe he is being truthful, yes—” Ashera responded confused and unsure.
“Yeah, sure, but isn’t there anything you find just a bit too unbelievable, too out there?”
“Like what?”
“Like, how he is meeting his dead spren, who has long been separated from him, on what I could only assume to be the spiritual plane…?”
“It does sound impossible, it should be impossible. We should be laughing at even the suggestion, but. Is it really any stranger than all the other things happening? You are the one who has been here all this time, do you have any doubts?”
“I—I, not really. I just thought it would be harder to convince you of such an outlandish claim.”
“Worry not; this wasn’t the craziest possibility we’ve considered.” Ashera gave him a reassuring smile before turning back to Adolin.
“So, Brightlord—”
“Call me Adolin.”
“Ok, Adolin— when are you going back there? How can we help?”
Adolin couldn’t suppress his grin. He turned to Rhollyn, looking to share his delight with his friend but he was met with a stormy expression, eyes glaring daggers at the new spren. He didn’t have time to enquire what was wrong as Rhollyn was already speaking his mind.
“Are you serious? I just told you, it’s hurting him. Do you even care? Of course you don’t, the only thing you care about is your spren.”
The young spren squirmed in the chairs, looking indignant, struggling for a response. Ashera retained her collected expression despite the attack.
“We don’t deny we hold no familial feelings towards the human prince; we’ve never spoken to him before this day. It is also true that we care deeply about the deadeyes—"
"Could you not call them that?" Adolin interjected.
"What? Deadeyes?" Ashera asked genuinely.
"Yeah, they don't like it very much, I think."
"Is it better if we call them old spren like you do?" She asked, no hint of scorn in her tone.
"Yes, much better. Thank you."
"Alright then. We do care about the old spren deeply. How could we not after all? We look after them all day. However, what you fail to see is that for us, now they are one and the same. To care for the old spren is to care for the prince and this is what we shall do, it’s our duty after all.”
The other two spren nodded their heads enthusiastically.
“Besides, we are here to help no matter what the young prince decides to do.”
Rhollyn's anger dissipated after that, like ice in the sun, and just like that the tension was gone for the rest of the visit.
As the spren were about to leave, the young one, Lyreah turned to Adolin, face etched with confusion and worry.
“Where is your gift?” she asked cautiously.
“Here it is.” Adolin said, gesturing to the box on his lap.
“No, the one you put in your mouth?”
“I ate it.” confusion masked his embarrassment but it did nothing to ease the girl when Ashera jumped to the rescue one more time.
“Lyreah, that was the purpose of the gift, to be consumed.”
“But now he wont have a gift.”
“Well then, we’ll just have to bring him more the next time.”
“Oh yes, please do.” Adolin waved them off, feeling lighter than he did in months.
Chapter 7: To have and to hold
Notes:
I'm sorry for the long hiatus.
I just want to let you know that I plan of finishing the story
Chapter Text
Adolin went back. He would always go back. He tried not to think of what awaited him. He knew there would be pain but he would take it to help his spren. That didn’t mean he would go unprepared now that he knew what to expect.
The caretakers, true to their word, returned with more of that delicious red candy. They kept their word to Rhollyn as well, prioritizing Adolin’s health over Maya, insisting he be fully rested and well fed before visiting her. It was the fastest way to worm their way into Rhollyns good graces and he took a great amount of pleasure watching his prickly guard slowly warm up to the newcomers.
More than that, they brought him food, good food, fresh water, medical drafts and salves. He ate to his heart's content despite throwing up most of it, then they brought him a draft for that as well .
He shattered to think of what all the provisions must have cost them.
The ridiculously low demand for food, water and other necessities in Shadesmar, along with its need to be transported great distances, ensured that it was both inevitably not actually fresh and incredibly expensive, far too expensive for three lone spren.
As it turned out though, the spren were not alone. There were only the representatives of the caretakers that wanted to help. Maybe the only one’s willing to risk getting caught sneaking into his cell.
Sometimes the feeling of overwhelming guild threatened to crush him.
The thought of how helpless he was, how much help he needed, how much trouble and risk his friend had to go through on his behalf, it was too much.
And still the spren made it so easy. Even at his lowest he couldn’t deny how willing and free they were with their care, how unassuming and gracious. They seemed genuinely pleased to be there and it helped soothe his anxieties.
With the spren's help soon he was feeling much better. Most of his aches were gone, he had energy and he was in good spirits and soon enough he was ready to return to Maya.
This time he was prepared for her outburst, the pain; nothing could temper his excitement at getting to see her again. He found her just as he'd left her, scared and feral and beautiful. He let her lash out, kick and scream, as he held her close for hours before the pain became unbearable and he had to return to his cell.
-
As he awoke, he was again greeted by the now all too familiar ache.
Instead of opening his eyes, he squeezed them shut more tightly, even the light filtering through his eyelids exacerbating the pounding in his head.
His joints protested even the slightest movement along with his muscles, burning hot where they touched the mattress.
Before he could contemplate how much he really hated this part, there was a flurry of movement and someone was at his side.
Warm soup was brought to his lips along with a bitter draft, hands carted through his hair as soothing words were whispered and soon his headache was manageable.
Once he could move his head without throwing up, a strong smelling salve was applied all over his bruised body leaving him far more warm and relaxed.
Finally finding some relief, he melted into his mattress with Ashera's melodic voice lulling him into a peaceful sleep.
It wasn’t till next afternoon that he awoke already feeling surprisingly better. Within a few days he was already feeling good enough to go back.
From there, it only took a couple of more visits for Maya's rage to simmer down, clearly nearing the end of her rampage.
—
Adolin was almost giddy with excitement as he made his way to her. He knew that this would be the last time, he would finally break through to her.
He couldn't wait to look into her eyes and see recognition.
She greeted him with her usual way, crystal fingers digging into his flesh, but there was no heat behind it. He almost found it funny. There was nothing that could ruin his good mood.
He held her tight to his chest, her movements becoming sluggish until she stopped struggling entirely.
Adolin’s heart thumped in his chest in anticipation as he reached his arm to lift her face to him, too excited and scared of what he might find there. Before he could though, Maya’s arm snaked around him and squeezed him in a tight hug. His heart melted as he returned it, putting his head on hers and pulling her tight against his chest.
A warm feeling spread in his chest, something like laughter bubbling in it as everything that was wrong, was righted in an instance.
He finally had her.
Chapter 8: Sea Change
Chapter Text
Time stood still as Adolin held on to Maya just as fiercely as she held onto him.
Rough, boney arms squeezed his middle even more and a sense of contentment washed over him as Maya buried her face deeper into his neck. Her prickly, spiky hair poked into him but he paid it no mind.
WIth great effort he managed to ease his progressively erratic breath so as not to alarm Maya but he could do nothing to stop the silent tears of joy that ran down his cheeks.
It was all too much, too overwhelming for him and he was sure that for his spren it was worse still.
He had prepared for this moment for so long but still his knees were weak and his heart beat so fast that he could hear it in his ears.
Maybe that was why he didn't notice anything until Maya’s small body was shaking in his arms.
Before he could ask what was wrong Maya’s sobs became audible, breaking his heart all over again and she was dragging him to the ground as her legs gave out.
He fumbled around for a way to soothe her but in the end all he could do was hold her tight.
Maybe it made sense; without the rage to shield her from her pain she was forced to face it but that didn’t make him feel any less useless.
Distracted, he let her cry for a long time, not noticing the silent, slow malaise that crept in before it had swallowed the light.
The air thickened all around them, dark and bitter; an overwhelming feeling of grief crashed into him like waves, pulling him under. He fought for the surface, for air, but no sooner had he drawn breath before the next wave pulled him to the depths again.
There were no words, no understanding, only senseless agony.
His chest heaved as his breath caught, gnashing his teeth to stem the pain. It was too much, too violent to consider. He let himself go, losing sense of time, of place, of self.
He cried himself dry, all wrung out and dazed, and it was a long time before he could think straight again.
Only then was he able to feel the complexities, to appreciate the depths of her pain. To see the layers of the anger, the fear, the despair of being locked away from your body, of your own existence. To be used, to be defiled over and over again, forced to go against your own foundation and not be able to even cry out.
His mind spiraled with those thoughts until it went numb, gave up, checked out, and the burning pain was covered by cold distance that left him void and numb.
Someone was calling his name, but it wasn't Maya’s voice. He looked down at his hands looking for Maya, only to find them empty. He couldn’t understand; where was she? she was just there.
The voices soon took shape in the form of Rhollyn and the other spren when Adolin absently noted that he was back in his cell. Maybe he should have felt more distressed but it all seemed so irrelevant now.
The voices were still distant and he had to concentrate really hard to make out what they were saying.
He couldn’t think, he just kept staring at his empty hands. They felt strange, not his own, even as teardrops splatter over them. Was he crying? His mind was still back there with Maya. He could feel every bit of her anguish like it was his own, he still could hear Maya’s whimpers as if he was still there with her.
It was such a strange sensation for his body to be somewhere else, as if it wasn’t his own. Like a spectator he watched the world through foreign eyes, no longer in control.
He heard the spren talking again, barely making out what they were saying. Something bitter covered his tongue. He didn’t resist, but as soon as the hands left him he curled into a ball and laid on his bed facing the wall, trying to shut out the world that felt so wrong as unprompted tears wetted his cheeks. He didn't want to face them, he didn't want to talk, to explain himself. Everything felt so meaningless now, the only thing he wanted was to sleep.
...
Time stretched and shrunk till it lost meaning. He had no idea how long it had been since he returned from Maya. Centuries of isolation and grief crushed into him in constant, relentless waves, whether with Maya or in his cell. So much pain, so much loss, guild, despair, rage; he was drowning in it, he had already drowned so many times, yet the waves would not cease, would not ease, would not waiver. They stripped every restraint and hope he still held on to, they stripped him to the bone and yet they persisted.
The presence of people would sometimes register. A touch, a phrase would somehow catch his attention and for a brief moment there would be something else other than the never ending misery but then it would be gone as if it were never there
“I told you he’d —”
“— same with old spren.”
“How do we fix —?”
“— needs to eat.”
“— to cheer him up.”
“What he really needs is — Maya.”
“We need to call for help —.”
“He has to go — finish it.”
It felt strange to hear people talk about him like he wasn’t there and maybe he wasn’t. He should have felt indignant to be treated like a child but all he felt was reassured. How could he not when despite being completely defenseless he still felt absolutely safe in the spren’s care.
…
“I know it's a lot…”
A voice startled him. Someone was talking to him. He could feel a gentle squeeze on his shoulder.
“I know you don’t want to—”
It was Rhollyn’s voice, soft and close to his ear. How long has he been talking to him?
“— it’s been four days—”
And what was he talking about?
Rhollyn whispered as he rubbed soothing circles on Adolin’s back. “I know you don’t want to, but you need to eat something.”
Adolin’s stomach clenched at the mention of food as if a huge rock had settled in it, but he didn’t protest. Rhollyn took it as the consent it was and lifted Adolin, holding him firm against himself and feeding him little pieces of bread dipped in broth.
The others eagerly watched as Adolin pushed tasteless morsels of food past the lump in his throat. He didn’t manage to eat much, the stone in his stomach growing larger and heavier. He ignored it hoping it would go away.
It was a good plan and it worked for all of five minutes before he felt beads of sweat cooling his face as his stomach roiled.
He lunged over the side of the bed, barely making it before violently retching, bile burning his throat as it came up. His stomach twisted and convulsed painfully even after it was empty, causing him to dry heave over and over again.
Exhausted and panting he curled up on his bed, hands wrapped tightly around his aching middle, taking ragged breaths. A hand combed through his sweaty hair, surprisingly relaxing. Ashera’s even voice blanketed him, reading him a story
Maybe the lingering pain should have been distressing but instead it was vindicating, an outward expression of the pain in his soul, as if it resolved a discordance within him, his body was finally catching up.
His mind gravitated to Maya, someone who understood the pain, shared in it. He reached for her across plains and felt her reaching back just as desperately.
The steady rhythm of a voice droned in his ear but he paid it no mind, lost in the now familiar agony.
That was until he felt Maya shift, her desperate cries waning, turning mournful. He scrambled to find what had caused it when he heard the thump of a book closing and Ashera’s voice proclaiming the end of her story.
“What? You liked the story?” he inquired and he felt a soft brush on his mind as a response. He quickly turned to Ashera to find all the spren jumping at his sudden movement.
“ Could you please read that story again?” He asked without missing a beat, his voice hoarse and husky from disuse, only to be met by wide-eyed faces. “I think Maya liked the story…” he added after clearing his throat but it came just as gruff. He meant it as an explanation but that only caused their jaws to drop further.
The stunned silence didn’t last very long and soon a chorus of questions attacked him from every direction. “Were you with her just now?” “Can you feel her?” “Can she hear us?”
He wanted to answer them, he really did, they were all fair questions but as soon as he tried to reach for so many answers and explanations it was all too much, too complicated to puzzle out. He tried for a single answer but he couldn’t even do that. A pressure started pushing down on his chest and it kept building with every question, his breath coming short and stinging. He closed his eyes trying to push back the tears already forming there. He felt his control slipping and he knew he wouldn't last when a steady, soft voice made everything halt.
“There once was a quiet little village on the foot of a great mountain, at the top of which lived a terrible beast….” Ashera’s voice boomed and everything else stilled, putting an end to the cacophony.
“The villagers lived everyday in fear of the day that the beast would tire of the heights and come down to destroy their little corner of the world…” Ashera sing-songed as she went on.
Time passed quickly as Adolin relaxed and lost himself in the story that Maya liked so much.
…
"So did you like it?" Lyreah asked impatiently as soon as Ashera finished.
"Yeah, it was a really nice story,'' Adolin said honestly, The girl's face lit up like a sphere in the hightstorm.
"Would you read me another one tomorrow?" he asked apprehensively even though he knew she wouldn’t decline.
"It would be my pleasure.” Ashera said with a smile.
“We’ll even leave some books for you to read to Maya when we are not here." Lyreah offered with a grin splitting her face.
Adolin felt heat rise in his cheeks from embarrassment at their assumption.
“That won’t be necessary—” Adolin tried to argue to no avail.
“Nonsense, we have loads of books, it’s no issue.” Lyreah pressed on.
"There’s no need because I can't read." he mumbled quietly.
"Oh, that's right, I forgot you are from Alethkar. That's alright, we can teach you. It's nothing too complicated."
His body tensed at the suggestion. It was not something he'd seriously considered before, not even after his father learned; reading wasn't for him.
"It’s alright, you can read to me." Adolin said with a smile trying to end the conversation.
"We are not always here."
“I can wait for you to return, or I can ask Rhollyn, I’m sure he’d be happy to read to me.” He looked up at Rhollyn flashing him a faint smile to see him trying to hide his own behind an unamused look.
“Nonsense, you are locked in a cell and the only thing available to you is only the best source of knowledge and leisure in the world. You can’t pass it up. Besides, Maya likes it”
And how could he say no to that? Yet, something he could not explain, something deep inside him tightened, his teeth gnashing, tasting bitter. He swallowed it down and put it away for later.
He schooled his face before he spoke again, fainting a smile. "I can't use the books in front of the day guard anyway." he said, trying to put an end to the conversation.
"Maybe we could have books sent to you officially." Lyreah chirped.
"No, that's too risky. It would reveal our connection." Adolin said, now actually alarmed instead of just deflecting.
"Don't worry, I’m sure we can find someone in the ranks to arrange it." Lyreah said almost absentmindedly.
Adolin’s brain froze for a second. "What do you mean “within the ranks”? Like, some spren other than a caretaker? Do others know? How?"
“Surely some do; the spren talk, nothing to be done about that.” Ashera said solemnly.
Adolin’s alarm turned into the makings of a panic, feeling his face drain and his breathing constricting. If word got out… if word got out…Gods, it would be all over for him, he would have—
“Hey, hey, look at me, it’s alright, They would never risk harming you. ” Ashera hastened to reassure, no doubt seeing his distress. “They don’t talk about you. They only talk about what is happening with the old spren and only to a few people but this story is so important to us, it’s impossible to contain.”
Ok, maybe that wasn't so bad, but then… “Why then would they want to help me ?” he asked, trepidation unconcealed in his voice.
“Because, they correctly assume that you are responsible.” Deckton interjected almost coldly.
“Look, the official story is that the reason the old spren are acting differently is because they got justice.
You and I both know that is not true and so do all the spren that are not overcome by fear and hate.” Deckton explained calmly and nonchalantly. “And if it’s not because of justice, it must be because of you.”
“Do some spren think like that?” Adolin asked, something akin to treacherous hope threatening to bloom in his chest.
“I’m sure many do, but few are brave enough to come poking around, looking for answers, usually desperate for a way to help. And when they do we don't hide that we too believe that you are responsible, but we never reveal our connection.”
“No one would risk exposing you but at the same time the spren won’t stop caring about your story and if it's spreading around, I for one don’t think that is a bad thing.” Ashera added unapologetically.
With that his worry turned to shame. Once again he had suspected the spren even though they have proved their loyalty over and over again.
"Thank you" he whispered.
“Our pleasure. We have to go now but we will return tomorrow with more stories for you and Maya. Don’t forget to think about our offer.” she pointedly tapped on the book, before getting up and making their way out the door.
Adolin watched them leave, his mind swimming with the new revelations and question he didn't want to ask himself nor answer.
But of course, he would do it for Maya.
Chapter 9: In deepest hollows
Chapter Text
Adolin had every intention of accepting the spren’s kind and generous offer, out of good manners if nothing else. The thought stirred up something unpleasant in his stomach every time but he dutifully ignored it for Maya's sake. His logical mind didn't have an easy answer for his own guttural reaction and he promised himself he would get to the bottom of it, he just didn’t think he would be able to think about anything over the roaring silence of the darkness that was waiting for him out of the corner of his eyes. And yet as the next day rolled around he could think of little else, the idea of reading filling him with rage and apprehension.
Turning it over and over in his head he tried to explain his feelings. Maybe it was because he didn’t need to, he spent all his life not needing to, as countless others before him. then again it would be useful in this situation.
Maybe it was because it wasn’t manly, but then he never really understood why it was ok for men to learn to read glyphs which was essentially the same thing in his mind. Besides, his father had learned to and no one could ever accuse Dalinar of not being manly.
Dalinar. Adolin felt a ramble, like a growl, rise in his chest at the thought of the man. The man he tried so hard to please, the man that he was ready to die for. The man who had caused them so much pain after being offered only love. The man who had betrayed them.
An icy chill ran over Adolin’s body not liking the ugliness of his thoughts.
Did he really despise his father so much?
He might not have forgiven him but he’d like to think it wasn’t out of spite or pettiness. He thought it was only fair since Dalinar never even bothered to apologize for it, too scared to face their wrath and their hurt. He hid away like a coward hoping by the time he showed his face everything would go back to normal.
The worst part was that infuriatingly it had worked, with Renarin at least.
Ugh, why did his brother have to be so sweet and understanding? He loved that about him but despite that he hoped that he’d put himself first for once and not offer his forgiveness like a forgone conclusion, especially to a man who already took it as such. And to think that depriving them of their mother was not even the worst thing Dalinar did to his little brother.
Adolin was perhaps the only other person who knew how much the constant rejection and indifference cut deep into his brother’s soul and had shaped his whole life and identity. Unlike with his warmongering though, Dalinar didn’t have anyone else to blame for that.
Almighty, did that make Adolin’s inside burn with the fires of damnation. Why was it always his little brother’s job to comfort and coddle his own father? Why couldn’t that full grown man put the needs of his youngest before his own mission, just for once?
Why would he though, that bitter voice supplied, when he never had to face, not actual blame, but not even as much as a cold shoulder.
That is why he’d made it his goal for the past year not to hide his feelings from his father. He was so done treating him like something fragile when the man treated everyone else with the subtlety of a chasmfiend. It was a habit he had formed during Dalinar’s drunken years, back when Adolin thought of his father as the victim instead of the perpetrator. Back when Dalinar was this high, unreachable ideal that could do no wrong, or so everyone had said. And he believed it damn it, he believed every word of it even as he witnessed his mother’s and brother’s mistreatment, he questioned himself instead of his father.
Even after Dalinar proved that he could be wrong, so wrong, on so many levels, still everyone followed without question, some even going as far as to regard him as some kind of deity.
Adolin wouldn’t do that, he would never follow blindly ever again.
A roaring laughter echoed in his head as the nagging voice returned.
Isn't that exactly what you did though? Isn’t that why you ended up here?
No matter all the excuses he told himself, he had come on this mission with every intent of proving himself to Dalinar. A hidden belief that if he succeeded on this mission he would earn his father’s respect as a separate individual instead of an idealistic, misled youth..
He still danced at the rhythm his father was drumming like a helpless child despite all his posturing.
His father’s words rang into his head “Do not let my failings drive you to rebel against what you know is right.”
And he wouldn’t, he had swore he wouldn’t. Even back then he didn’t disagree and doubly so today. He wouldn’t let his father hold him back from something like this and especially since Maya wanted it.
If anything his father’s failings freed him, shattering the perfect façade and allowing him to openly seek his own path.
He always had his own mind and he was desperate to follow it. Adolin had reasoned back then that if he was true to himself and just followed his own path there would still be a lot of overlap. It didn’t make sense to let his feelings about his father steer his path. He wasn’t so bitter or so stupid. Well he might be a little bit of both but he least he tried not to be.
What had pissed him off then, and now, was the insinuation, the arrogant assumption, that the only possible reason he could have to disagree with his father’s sage words was because he was rebelling. Like no rational being could ever disagree with Dalinar and the only logical reason one would have to object would only be to to contradict him.
And there it was, the seething knot, The idea that everyone, Dalinar included, accepted his father's judgment as impeccable and his word as law when Adolin knew better than anyone that it wasn't so.
His chest tightened at the thought. He loved his father, and in recent years he could say with certainty that he was a good man, but no man was god, no matter how good, and still Dalinar had the potential to be very wrong, only this time he could lead the whole world astray.
Just as the world came to see the wisdom in Dalinar’s action, Adolin was starting to learn the inverse.
But no matter what, one way or another, he was still letting Dalinar define him.
He took a deep breath trying to clear his cluttered mind. He had no control over what Dalinar did or said and he had no control over how everyone else viewed him. The only thing he could control were his own actions and it was past time he'd taken full responsibility for them.
He would learn to read for Maya and he would be proud of himself, no matter what the world or his own father thought of it.
Chapter 10: Meet again
Notes:
A bit short, but I promise the next one will be longer.
Chapter Text
Reading wasn’t really that hard just like the spren had promised. Between the mental drain and his lack of appetite though, Adolin had little energy to spare. It felt like a monumental task to even focus his eyes on the page, let alone remember what some triangles meant, but he did it anyway. It made him want to pull his nails out but he held his breath, sad still and concentrated. This was the only thing that he could do for Maya and he would be damned if he faltered.
In a few short days Adolin was finally able to read, no matter how badly, on his own; so naturally, the first time he found himself alone in his cell, he looked for a short story he could read to Maya.
Despite the short length, Adolin still tripped over almost every word, having to reread whole sentences over and over again to make sense of what he was reading, like a toddler tripping over his first words as he finally stumbled to the end.
Heat flushed his cheeks at his miserable attempt.
All the embarrassment was gone in an instance as he felt Maya happily rumble in his chest, the first positive emotion he ever felt from her. A soothing warmth radiated from his chest, spreading to every inch of him as he still felt Maya swirl inside him excitedly.
Unbearable happiness and relief overwhelmed him, hitting him like a stormwall, knocking the breath out of his lungs. All he could do was curl up and bury his face in his pillow and try to muffle the relieved sobs that escaped and shook him violently.
The darkness didn’t leave but it slowly subsided and finally he could breathe even if a little shallowly.
Maya’s improving spirits were like a cool shower over a burning landscape. It washed over them all, bringing more life and cheer to the small cell that it ever had before. There was this undercurrent of hope and excitement that no one dared recognize in fear of breaking the spell. Adolin felt it deep in his bone and saw it reflected back at him in the sprens’ faces.
The spren eagerly pushed him to eat and he couldn’t blame them, he looked horrible. His skin was pale and yellow, his bones jutted out at the joints, his muscles cramped and weakened. He needed to eat, he knew that, he wasn’t an idiot. So he did it even when he didn't feel like it, eating bland food, slowly with small bites, eating as often as he could. It was a long, unpleasant process but little by little he started to feel his strength returning.
With renewed confidence he returned to Maya’s garden to show her his progress and ease her worried mind.
He stepped onto her now growing garden where timid vines were starting to climb up the ruins, little signs of life sprouting from everywhere in the long dead garden.
Gone was the gloom and darkness. He looked around for his beloved spren but couldn’t find her at her usual spot.
All manner of scenarios run through his head, each more terrible than the last when he felt a weight crush into him, nearly pushing him off balance.
His mind froze in terror as he slowly turned his head to face this new challenge, only to be met by Maya’s cheerful face crushing him in a hug as she squirmed.
Adolin startled for a bit, his mind working overtime trying to catch up. He was not used to excited, playful displays from Maya, always appearing so measured and composed, and he desperately prayed that this wasn't a dream or a trick of some kind.
His surprise and suspicion of course, didn't stop him from returning the excited hug. Even if this was a very nice dream or a terrible nightmare he would be damned if he ever discouraged Maya from expressing herself or her displays of affection.
Real or not, he let himself get lost into the warm hug, pride and happiness blooming in his chest. It all came to a screeching halt when he felt a soft breath brushing his ear, carrying a delicate sound.
“Adolin!” the small, sweet voice said and his breath caught in his lungs.
WIth wide eyes brimming with tears, he turned to her cupping her face in his hands. He wanted to ask her so much but he could only utter a few, unsure words.
“Maya? Is it really you?”
“My prince.” She said, dazzling him with a wide smile he never dreamed he would see on her lips.
Void of conscious thought, like an animal, spurred on by feeling alone he picked her up in a tight hug twirling around, cooing in her ear. “My spren, my beautiful spren.” he chanted over and over again like a prayer.
He breathed deeply as if for the first time in a very long time, feeling like his insides fell back in place making him whole again. Every feeling of sadness, of anxiety and pain were gone in an instant and he couldn't recall his troubles getting there even if he tried.
Chapter 11: The words
Chapter Text
To say that the other spren were elated would be a gross understatement. This was especially true considering that along with Maya, the old spren were also showing signs of improvement. The smile was permanently etched into their wide-eyed faces as if in a perpetual state of disbelief of their good fortune.
They’d trip over themselves to update him on the old spren and of all the new spren that kept showing up to ask about him.
And they couldn’t get enough of talking to Maya.
They would sit around him in a circle, taking turns to speak to her and Adolin would always be happy to play interpreter, especially considering how happy it made Maya to talk to the other spren.
Whenever the spren weren't there, he would spend all his time with Maya in her garden that had now turned from a battleground to a safe haven, his home outside his cell.
Everyday the garden was becoming more and more alive. Beautiful flowers now dared to bloom in brilliant colors and a subtle sweet smell permeated the air. Life had returned once again to the old garden.
There, out in the open, surrounded by beauty, they would often sit together for hours, with Adolin reading her stories and Maya laughing every time he’d trip over a word.
More often than not, they would train together once again just like they had often done in Shadesmar. Maya followed him through the katas they both knew so well, only this time, Maya’s body was relaxed, her movements fluid and smooth, an unbearably soft smile on her lips every time their eyes met.
Never in his life had he ever known such contentment and such peace
Never before did he know that such feelings were even possible.
In the midst of his misfortune and misery he felt like the luckiest man alive, as if a piece he didn’t know he was missing had returned to him, correcting an unknown injustice and healing the whole world by a fraction.
…
Life in the small cell had acquired a peaceful rhythm Adolin has seldom experienced in his life.
He would spend all night in the delightful company of Maya, Rhollyn and the other spren until the shift changed. Then he’d sleep most of Garron’s shift away, and the rest would be spent with Maya in her garden.
Everytime Adolin visited the garden something would be different. There would be a new marble bench under a tree somewhere, another pillar standing proud, a patterned tiled floor would become more intricate.
Everything was overgrown, brimming with life, swallowed up by nature’s serene beauty.
Surrounded by that peace, Adolin was sprawled over a gleaming white bench, the newest addition to the garden, with Maya laying against his chest, taking a break from their practice session.
A practice session that turned from practicing katas into dance practice after an offhand comment from Maya about how she thought she used to like dancing.
Adolin reveled in the domesticity and beauty of that quiet moment and the last thing he ever wanted to do was break it. That’s why he cursed his brain for informing him that was the opportunity he was looking for to ask Maya the spren’s uncomfortable questions.
For days the spren had politely nudged him over and over again to ask Maya what she remembered about her past. They wanted to know about the war and old knight-Radiants, about what happened to those spren before and after the Recreance.
They were all good questions that he would also like to know the answers to but didn’t want to ask in fear of upsetting Maya by asking her to talk about her past. The spren were insistent though, no doubt hoping the answers would help to free him, so Adolin had compromised to ask those questions in person and at a more opportune moment.
Despite himself, he admitted that this moment was as good as it gets, so it was with a very heavy heart he broke the blissful quiet that had settled around them.
“Hey gemheart, I want to ask you something but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
Maya, with her eyes full of trust, turned to fully face him and spoke without a hint of hesitation. “Of course my prince, you know you can ask me anything, tell me anything…”
“Even if it upsets you?”
“You won't upset me.” she said easily, “I know you won't.”
Regret poked him again harder but he went on anyway. “The spren wanted me to ask you, if you remember anything from the old war, from your old life…”
To his relief, Maya didn’t seem upset but rather thoughtful. She pondered the question for a few moments before answering softly. “Mmm, I don’t remember much… The earlier thing I can make out is pain. For a long, long time, there was only pain and loss and grief… But you know what I’m talking about.”
She lifted her eyes and gave him a sympathetic look. And he did know, he had a taste at least. He could still feel the darkness lurking just out of sight, ready to pounce at the first sign of weakness and something deep inside him told him that it would always be there. “I’m sorry Maya, I’m sorry you only remember that—”
“That is not all I remember.” she interrupted him. “True, that pain was the only thing for a long long time… but then there was you— Things were never the same after you first bonded me.”
“After I first bonded you? Back when I was a kid?”
“You might have been a kid, but unlike everyone else who held me before you, you truly tried to bond with me, not just possess me.”
Adolin listened, eyes wide, not able to make any kind of noise.
You really opened up to me, let me see every piece of you…
“Everything was still really confusing back then, my mind was a scrambled mess, but even if I had lost all sense of self, I was still drawn to a genuine bond like a flamespren to fire.” she smiled warmly again and Adolin was confident that he could feel his heart melt in his chest. “I didn’t understand much back then, but with your warmth everyday I got better. It took years probably before I would comprehend what was actually happening, but even then, you were just as open to me as you had always been. You let me in and in time I couldn’t refuse you.”
At the sound of that Adolin choked, overwhelmed by emotions. His eyes brimmed with tears that felt soundlessly as a lump formed in his throat, cutting air to his lungs.
“Don't cry, please don't cry.” Maya pleaded as she turned and looked at him.
“I’m not sad sweetie—” Adolin’s choked, husky voice reassured her. “I’m just so happy to have offered you a reprieve from your pain… and to find out that you felt the same way I did.”
Maya’s smile grew and her face brightened at that. She hid her face in his chest and squirmed around making happy, chirpy noises.
“I love you…” came her muffled response and all Adolin could do was hold her closer to his chest.
“No more crying though.” she said as she wiped his cheeks and wiggled out of his embrace, standing up, “I know what you need.” She said as she extended her hand to him expectantly. Adolin took it without any hesitation and was pulled to his feet. “And what is that?” Adolin asked with a playful smile.
Maya looked at him with a playful grin and wrapped herself inside their linked arms, tightly winding herself in his embrace before she answered. “Dancing of course. It’s the best medicine for a wary heart.”
A smile split Adolin’s face as he extended his arm again, sending Maya into a graceful twist. “And you know how to dance after just a few lessons? I must be a very good teacher” he tried to jest but Maya pulled their linked hands close to her bringing them face to face before answering him seriously.
“You are a good teacher, the best, but I didn’t need to learn how to dance silly, I’ve always known.” She said lightly, and as if to prove her point she moved her body in a smooth fluid motion that he had never seen before.
Adolin watched mesmerized for only a second before following her.
They moved in tandem without words, and soon enough a slow hum coming from everywhere seemed το swell in the rhythm of their dance completing the surreal experience. Adolin was lost, moving in it, feeling the whole garden pulsate in sync.
“You are such a wonder. I’m so lucky to have you.” he whispered into her ear without even realizing it.
“But I don’t do the things that a real spren ia supposed to do…” she said in an unsure, regretful small voice.
Adolin couldn’t have that. He couldn't accept that she thought of herself in those terms. “You may not give me cool powers or make me immortal or whatever, but you are my spren in every way that counts. I don’t need you to give me anything in exchange, that’s not why I love you. I wish I could swear the oaths to you just so you know for sure I mean it, even if no one accepts them .”
She looked him in the eyes then with nothing but softness and sincerity “Oh, my darling Prince, you don’t need to swear anything to me. I’m more certain of your intention than I’m of my own existence. Besides, those Oaths don’t really apply to me, to us, not anymore ....”
“How do you mean?” Adolin looked at her with a puzzled expression but she was too lost in dance to realize.
“Life before death….?” was all she asked without looking at him clearly expecting him to understand. When Adolin didn’t agree with her after a while she went on.
“It’s a little hard to embrace life before death, after you’ve died, don’t you think?” she said easily as she fell into Adolin’s arms again. The sentiment tore through his heart a little bit but he swallowed it down before Maya could notice.
“Ha, you are right. I guess it’s more like, ‘Life after Death’ now.” he said jokingly, trying to keep his voice and the conversation light.
“Oh, I love it. Life after Death.” she said as she gracefully extended her arm and fingers.
“And after that?” Adolin encouraged her, “Strength before weakness?”
“Strength is nothing but a naive lie for those who’ve never known true desperation and pain.” she said nonchalantly, completely absorbed by the movements of her limbs, not noticing how her words had cut deep into Adolin.
“Yet here you stand, strong and proud before me.” He hastened to add, not liking Maya’s mood one bit.
“I guess you are right.” Maya admitted easily, Adolin’s comment having the desired effect of lifting her spirits. ”Let's say ‘Strength after weakness’ then.”
“Life after Death”, “Strength after weakness”..so then “Journey after destination?” would naturally follow, right?” Adolin pondered for a moment, “ But how does that even make sense? How do you get to start your journey after you’ve reached your destination?”
Maya’s movements became more mechanical, her eyes drifting to the corner of her eyes taking her time to give him a thoughtful response as Adolin watched, heart full of adoration for his incredible spren.
“Oh, it’s quite simple—” she exclaimed after a while, “It’s just like us, like our bond. We were bonded before we even knew each other, but ever since you and I both fight everyday to be worthy of our bond”
It was Adolin’s turn to slow down to ponder her answer. He worked over in his head reveling at the width and depth of Maya’s mind.
“Aaah, I see…” he exclaimed after a few moments as he twirled Maya around once more, “It's like, even though I know how to duel, I still have to train everyday in order to still be good at it.”
Maya seemed beyond delighted at the thought which never failed to make Adolin feel like a little kid.
“Exactly like that, it’s the journey you have to go everyday to keep what you already have.” she said with a twirl, springing back into motion.
“That’s quite beautiful my spren, almost as beautiful as you.” With that, Maya ran to him, arms wide open and jumped.
Adolin caught her by the waist and lifted her up in the air before setting her in front of him, fixing her with his eyes.
“Life after Death. Strength after weakness. Journey after destination.” Maya singsonged as she giggled and Adolin laughed with his heart seeing her so happy and carefree.
“If those are the oaths you like, I will swear them to you everyday my love.” Adolin said in all seriousness as he repeated the oaths back to her, feeling all the weight of them as if they were the real words.
His heart swelled with love for his spren and he knew that no one's approval or validation could ever make their bond more real than it already was.
Chapter 12: Small price
Chapter Text
With his heart full and light as it’d been most days now, Adolin returned to the garden to spend the lonely hours of the day in his favorite company.
The past few days they had picked the habit of going around the garden and taking care of it, clearing it from dead plants, pruning the overgrown ones, and cleaning granite floors and tabletops. The garden looked better than ever, improving everyone’s mood with it.
He reached the garden but Maya did not wait to welcome him at their usual spot. He looked around for her but didn’t see her. He called out for her and waited but no answer came. He tried to temper the anxiety building in him as he started calling out her name again and again, searching through the now plush garden but he got no response.
Panic rising, he ran searching as all manner of dangerous thoughts ran through his head. All the worst scenarios played on loop in his mind, his vision blurred with tears. Did their bond finally break, did she leave, was she mad at him, was she hurt, was she lost? Would he ever get to see her again?
The intrusive, loud thoughts clouded his mind and he almost didn’t hear the soft sounds coming behind a moss covered wall. But he did hear it and his feet didn’t need further instruction to run towards the sound. He rounded the wall only to find Maya curled up in a ball, softly weeping. He called out her name, falling to his knees in front of her but she didn’t look up at him.
“My gemheart, what’s wrong?” he questioned as he gently nudged her to look at him with a finger on her jaw. There was regret in her eyes, guilt, as if betraying a secret but Adolin encouraged her by stroking her cheek.
“It hurts.” she barely whispered, eyes looking down and away from Adolin. The dam broke at the admission and she hid her face in his chest as she broke down and sobbed.
He swallowed down the guilt, put it away for later to be there for Maya. “Where does it hurt my love?” he managed to croak out.
It took more coaxing and encouragement before she reluctantly untwined herself, stood up and took his hand without a word.
Adolin followed without question as she led him solemnly through the ruins of her garden to the edge. There he could see again the confusing landscape he had traversed to get there. The garden stood high, on top of a complex mesh of roots, so tightly bound they looked almost like solid stone that made up the mountain, the foundation upon which the garden stood. Far below was the sea of beads that surrounded it from all sides, and the wails of the old spren were again audible and horrifying. Huge waves of beads rose and fell with force, violently crushing against it and on each other.
Looking down in the distance, Adolin could see scores of creatures with dark, peculiar shapes, their forms not solid, everchanging, like shadows. Limbs jutting out, they moved erratically, almost manically, hacking away at the foundations and feasting on them.
It made for a terrible, foreboding sight and he felt his fingers go numb with the feeling. He embraced her once again, comforting her and himself as well before gently asking. “What’s happening? What are those things, are they spren?”
“I don’t think so, I think they are manifestations of some force but I don’t know … It’s been so long … the rules have changed when we died— I don’t remember.” she managed before breaking down ashamed.
He looked to the creatures then back at Maya and felt her flinch at every gash. He understood then that she could feel every slash of the sword those creatures delivered. Everything around him was an expression of her, not just the spren standing before him, her garden was as much a part of her as her spren form was.
“Why are they attacking you?” he asked cautiously.
“I don’t think it's just me they are attacking— “ Maya stopped herself abruptly, reluctant to finish her thought but Adolin patiently waited for her to gather her nerve. “I think it’s our bond. I think they want to destroy it, or make it their own. I don’t know how to stop them.” she managed to say before the tears came back full force and she hid her face in his chest again.
Adolin listened with dread, blood rushing through his ears. Things had been going so well for some time now, he hadn’t worried about their bond. It couldn’t be, he had tried so hard, suffered so much to get to this point, it couldn’t be that it was all for not, that their bond would break anyway on its own. So what if this was the natural order of things, what if their bond was unnatural, what if they were forcefully separated.
Gnashing his teeth, an obstinate determination settled in his chest.
He wouldn’t let that happen, he couldn't. Maya was his only comfort. The spren were great, fantastic even, but they didn’t give him the will to continue like his spren did. If he lost her he didn’t think he could survive much longer in this cell but worse than that, much worse, was what would happen to Maya. More than likely she would die again, go back to being another mindless body, her mind locked away in pure agony.
His pulse rose at the thought, thumping in his neck, in his ears. His mussels electrified and went numb with cold intent. There was nothing he wasn’t willing to do, nothing he wasn’t willing to sacrifice to stop that from happening.
“Don’t worry love, I will protect our bond, no matter what. I will fight nature itself if I need to." He felt his frantic heart quiet, a stormy calm and determination taking over him as he turned from Maya back to the creatures and started making his way down the ledge.
He barely managed two steps before Maya grabbed him tightly by the arm. “My prince, what are you doing? Where are you going?”
“I told you, I will do what I have to in order to protect you and our bond.”
Maya came by his side as he talked and wrapped herself around his arm, her lips trembling.“No my prince, please don’t go. We don’t know what they are, what they can do to you. I don’t want you to get hurt. Not for me." she pleaded desperately.
“I don’t care about that. Those things are attacking you so I’m going to fight back. We make our own way in life and I'll be damned if mine doesn't have you in it.”
Maya seemed animated at that, rushing to give her objection. “And what about what I want? what if I don’t want to see you hurt not for me or because of me? Doesn't my choice matter?”
Adolin turned to her to find her pleading face and cupped her face lovingly. “You can choose to tell me that, to try and convince me but you can not choose what is more important to me.
“Please don’t go down there. I’d much rather die again than hurt you.” Maya implored, practically crying out.
Before he could even think he was already burying the upset spren in his arms. “Oh my love, don't you worry about me, I’ll be careful, for you if nothing else. But havent you understood yet that you are my life here? My lifeline? Protecting you and our bond is the same as protecting myself.”
Maya lifted her face from his shirt, sniffling and whipping imaginary tears from her non-existent eyes , her lips pressed in a tight line full of resolve.
“Alright.”
“Alright?” Adolin repeated unsurely.
Maya nodded in agreement but didn’t stop there.
“If you are really going to fight, you will need a sword.” and with that she took a step back and looked at Adolin intentionally.
“What are you doing?” he didn’t even manage to say before he saw Maya’s image change and blur, a mist rising from all around her, enveloping her.
Panic took over all of Adolin’s senses for a long second as Maya was swallowed into the mist.
His panic was about to turn into a full on freak out before the mist started to clear and something glinted from behind it.
He blinked his eyes again and again to make sure he was seeing right. Pure relief and nostalgia overwhelmed him as he recognised the old familiar, beloved blade planted there.
His breath hitched as he darted forward, clasping it in his hands and he squeezed the hilt tightly, falling into windstance on instinct.
The old familiar feeling of strength and security she always brought to him covered him like a blanket and the love he held for her swell in his chest.
“Are you ready?” he whispered to her and felt her vibe back in affirmation.
He made his long way down the steep incline, taking a better look of what he was up against.
The peculiar creatures, if he could call them that, were even more strange up close, their forms not uniform or even constant. They seemed ever changing, as if with the mood or on a whim, not adhering to any human, animal or even spren conventional appearance.
He had no idea what those things were or even what they represented, but from his short observation he got the impression that their forms were controlled by some kind of raw emotion that was subject to change from one moment to the next.
Maybe he should have found that more disconcerting but is a weird way it eased his fears.
The creatures seemed and felt as lost as he was, if not more.
He let his heart pang for a short moment for them before raising his sword in a flamestance.
The creatures didn’t seem to take notice of him, all too fixated on their purpose, but as Adolin started cutting them down, their forms disappearing, more and more started taking notice and redirecting their anger and violent energy towards him.
Despite their manic intensity and hyper-fixation on him, his opponents weren’t armed or skilled in any kind of combat and Adolin didn’t see them as real threat.
He quickly fell back into a familiar rhythm, swinging his sword wide, his limbs twisting freely with the flow of the swing.
A rush of nostalgia swell in him and for a moment he was back to his old life as if the past year hadn't happened.
The only worrisome thing was their numbers, especially as more and more creatures took notice of him and started to swarm from everywhere below him, trampling each other, knocking each other down to the sea in an effort to get to him.
He felt his forehead cool with worried sweat as he recognized the very real possibility that despite having the high ground he wasn't safe from being surrounded and overwhelmed or getting too exhausted to retreat all the way uphill.
In that moment he desperately wished for a few more shardbearers to help him out and keep the line. No sooner did Adolin make this foolhardy wish than Maya buzzed in his hands and through his body reassuringly. He smiled back at his brave , thoughtful spren and thought nothing more of it when....
He noticed shard-bearers in a too familiar painted blue shardplate, holding a too familiar sword all along the twisted roots, holding back the line. His mind blanched at the baffling sight, but even more baffling was the fact that deep down he knew what was happening without ever being told.
The ironclad knights were representations of himself, his spirit, expressions of himself across this plane of existence. He suddenly got the impression, this feeling that he could just jump from one iteration to the next. Before he could think it or comprehend it, he was opening his eyes in another body down the line, mechanically swinging Maya in all too familiar motions.
With that reassurance, he lost himself in battle, giving everything to protect his spren.
Chapter 13: The plan
Notes:
Guys, I’m so, so sorry for the incredibly long hiatus. I honestly didn’t mean to disappear for this long. Life got in the way, and I didn’t have the consistency or energy to keep updating regularly—so I made the decision to step back and finish the entire story before posting again.
Thank you so much to everyone who stuck around or came back to read this. Your patience means the world to me.
The good news? The story is now complete, and I’ll be posting updates regularly from here on out. I’ve missed sharing this with you all—thank you again for waiting 💛
Brief summary: Adolin is imprisoned in Shadesmar following his trial, cut off from everything and slowly wasting away. In his isolation and desperation, he begins to sense Maya in his mind—distant, pained, but unmistakably there. He reaches for her, and through dreamlike visits to the spiritual realm, he finds her: scared, broken, and trapped in a desolate mental landscape. She doesn’t recognize him at first, lashing out in fear, but Adolin refuses to give up. With the quiet support of his spren guard, Rhollyn, and through his unwavering love and devotion, Maya gradually begins to collect herself—eventually even speaking again.
As Maya heals, the spiritual garden that represents her begins to change. What was once ruined and barren transforms into something vibrant and alive, mirroring the strength returning to her spirit. But while she recovers, Adolin’s condition worsens. Starved, exhausted, and emotionally raw, he can barely eat or stand, his body suffering the consequences of both his imprisonment and the emotional toll of their bond.
Hope arrives in the form of three unexpected visitors—spren from the caretakers’ ranks who have been observing strange, unprecedented changes among the deadeyes. They believe Adolin is at the center of it. Moved by his story, they decide to help. They smuggle in food and medicine, bring him books, and even begin teaching him to read—something he’s always resisted, but now accepts for Maya’s sake. With their help, Adolin begins to recover. His strength returns, slowly but steadily, and so does his resolve.
But on his final visit to Maya’s garden, Adolin finds her in agony. Shadowy, formless creatures have begun attacking the foundation of their bond. Without hesitation, Adolin fights them, wielding Maya—who has transformed into a Shardblade once more—and pushes himself beyond exhaustion to defend her. The battle takes everything from him.
Chapter Text
Adolin's eyes fluttered open, the world around him blurry and unfamiliar. His head throbbed mercilessly, his throat dry as a desert. With a groan, he tried to remember what had happened.
The memory of Maya crying and the relentless battle with the formless beings flooded his mind, but how he ended up here eluded him. The anxious spren hovering around him only added to his confusion, their concerned whispers grating on his nerves.
Adolin tried not to show it, he didn't want to worry his friends again. With a great effort, he forced himself to sit up, ignoring the pounding in his head. He put on his most reassuring face, hoping to convince himself and his companions that everything was fine.
His muscles screamed in protest as he struggled to push himself upright, his face a mask of stoicism. He attempted to greet his companions with his silkiest voice, but his throat was too parched and his voice cracked.
"Can I have some water?" he asked, feigning surprise at his own discomfort. He tried to show that he was in control, pushing past the glares and impatient questions. Ashera saw through his facade, however, her voice cutting through the tension like a knife.
"What is wrong?" she demanded. Adolin shook his head, insisting that he was fine but as he raised his voice, the pain in his head intensified. Ashera wouldn't let it go, her frustration boiling over.
"You are not fine," she spat. "You've been sleeping for a day and a half."
Oh, he didn't know that. It would be much harder to throw them off but he still tried. "I told you I'm fine, I was just tired.”
"Well, we didn't know that. We tried to wake you up but you wouldn't.”
"I'm sorry I worried you again but you can relax now, everything's alright.” Adolin tried once more to reassure, sneaking a glance around the room to see how convincing he was, not very convincing it seemed, when he noticed a curious absence. Desperate to steer the focus away from himself he asked."Where is Decton?”
It was an innocuous question and the last thing he expected to see was the spren shifting uncomfortably casting guilty glances on each other. He sat up straighter ready to ask more questions, a sense of dread slowly starting to build.
“We told you we were worried about you. We had to do something.” Lyreah said unsurely but with a hint of accusation in her voice.
“Something? Something like what?” Adolin dared to ask even though he could tell he wouldn’t like the answer.
“We’ve had a plan for a while now for such an occasion.” Rhollyn finally spoke up.
"A plan, what plan? What occasion?” Adolin asked, voice kind of frantic, looking around at the three remaining spren.
"A plan for when things got worse, for when you needed help we couldn’t provide.” Ashera said coldly, not looking apologetic like the rest but that didn’t settle Adolin’s worries.
"I told you l'm fine, it's not..... And what did this plan entail if I may ask, and what does it have to do with Decton?” he demanded.
Ashera’s stoney expression turned almost mournful as she sat down in front of him.
“The plan was to get a message to your family to ask for help. And the only way to do that was to send a messenger to Roshar.”
"And Decton is that messenger? No, that's too dangerous for any one spren to traverse Shadesmar on their own. Please tell me you haven't gone through with it yet, don't do it, it's not worth it.” he pleaded, although he knew deep down that it was too late for that.
“First of all it is worth it, you and Maya are worth it. Second, we are all aware of the risks, we have taken it all into account. And lastly it is already done, Decton has already left.“
Adolin wanted so desperately to protest, to plead, to make them understand he didn’t want any harm to come to them but his spiraling thoughts were interrupted when Ashera continued.
“We know you are worried and feel responsible, but you have to understand that this was his decision to make. He understood the risks and he chose to go through with it anyway.“ she said in a calm, steady voice that left no room for argument.
Adolin looked up defeated, pleading. It was his own fault for ending up in this situation so it was fine if he got hurt but he didn't want others to get hurt because of him. As he looked up in Ashera’s stern face though, he knew better than to argue more.
Feeling deflated and maybe a little bit relieved it was out of his hands, he let out an exhale and leaned back against the cell’s wall, trying to calm down.
Ashera's face betrayed a hint of satisfaction as he resigned, yet her tone was softer, kinder than he expected. "So, how are you really feeling? Do you need anything?" she asked, her eyes scanning his face for any signs of discomfort.
His first instinct was to brush her off, to deny her the satisfaction of knowing that he had lied in the first place, but he fought against the urge to be stubborn. He knew he needed to overcome these knee-jerk reactions. "I have a headache," he muttered, his gaze fixed on the ground.
Ashera's voice was like a soothing balm. "I will prepare the draft," she said gently. "Anything else?"
He hesitated for a moment before finally admitting, "And my muscles are sore." As soon as the words left his mouth, a wave of familiar helplessness, shame, and guilt washed over him, but he pushed those feelings aside. He knew it was unfair to the spren that wanted to help him and who never complained about any of it.
Before he knew it, the draft was ready, and Ashera applied the salve all over his skin. He felt the tension in his muscles slowly begin to dissipate, and a sense of relief washed over him.
The spren pulled their chairs up to his bedside, their faces etched with concern. Adolin knew that this was far from over. "So..." they asked expectantly.
"So," he echoed.
"Are you going to tell us what happened and why you woke up like this?"
He hesitated, not wanting to worry the spren any more than they already were. But he knew he couldn't lie to them either. With a deep breath, he began to recount the events of the night before. "There were these things," he began, "strange looking creatures. They were trying to climb up to the garden and attacking its foundation. It was hurting Maya, so I had to fight them."
All three spren perked up, ready to voice their objections and concerns, but Adolin beat them to it. "It wasn't dangerous," he reassured them. "They couldn't really fight. They didn't hurt me, they couldn't. I'm just sore because there were just a lot of them."
"What things? What did they look like?" they asked, their curiosity piqued.
"They were strange, like shadows. Their forms black and solid but not stable. Sometimes they looked like humans, others like animals and others like nothing at all..." he trailed off, waiting for the spren to offer some insight.
"That is disconcerting but not surprising," they said. "Considering you and Maya meet somewhere between the Cognitive and the Spiritual Realm, those things could be representations of any number of things."
"Maya said that it wasn't her they were attacking but the bond between us. Is that possible?" Adolin asked, his voice heavy with concern.
"Well, we don’t know much about bonds as you know, but it makes sense that in the spiritual realm your bond would be a tangible thing much like everything else." Ashera sad, deep in thought, "but if, like we believed before, your bond is deteriorating, it would make sense that the process is represented in the Spiritual Realm in some way."
"That would mean, that despite how close you two have gotten in the meantime, it wasn't enough to keep the both of you safe." Lyreah added, looking around for confirmation that she seemed to get from the other spren.
Adolin wasn’t pleased by this explanation but at the same time he was not deterred either.
“But if I can fight them, maybe it also means that I can slow down the process, maybe even halt it.” he interjected, voice full of determination.
"Possibly, but continuing to fight there means that you will continue to get worse here. Your health will keep deteriorating." Rhollyn said what everyone didn’t want to hear, his words hanging heavy in the air.
The spren looked at each other, and Adolin felt the weight of their gazes. He knew something was amiss, but he didn't dare ask. Not until Rhollyn spoke up.
"We also had another plan… well more of an idea, but now it’s possible" Rhollyn said timidly, almost like a question.
"What is it?" Adolin asked, voice heavy with resignation.
Rhollyn exchanged a look with the others, and Adolin could tell they were hesitant to share. But then, with a heavy sigh, Rhollyn spoke.
"It involves letting some spren know about our connection, about you and Maya," he said, his expression pained.
Adolin's fear intensified. If word got out, he knew he and Maya would be in grave danger but more than that it would endanger his friends. Before he could voice his protests, Ashera stepped in.
"Before you object, these spren approached us on their own," she said, her tone urgent. "They want to help. And we can't afford to do nothing. Decton will need at least 30 days to get to Roshar, and who knows how much longer it will take for help to arrive."
Lyreah nodded solemnly. "There is really no other way. None that we know of, anyway."
Adolin took a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever was to come. "So, what's the plan then?" he asked.
"The spren that approached us were those responsible for guarding Maya’s cell…”
Adolin’s eyes widened in surprise but he dared not speak, or let hope flatter in his chest before Ashera had finished her thought.
“The idea is that with their help we can sneak her out of her cell and bring her here. We are hoping that an encounter, even a brief one, could ease the strain on your bond and maybe hold back on those beings you are fighting.” Ashera explained coolly.
Adolin barely heard the end of the plan as his heart pounded in his ears at the prospect of seeing his spren again. Letting others know of his connection and the caretakers’ visits was very risky but the idea of seeing Maya again, even for a moment, was too much to resist.
"When do we do this?" he asked, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.
"Soon.." Rhollyn said, his voice steady. "We've already worked out most of the details of the plan, now all we need to do is get the other spren in on the plan as well."
Adolin nodded, feeling his body thrumming with excitement. He would see Maya once more.
Chapter 14: The Reunion
Chapter Text
Each passing day made the truth harder to ignore. The spren had been right to worry.
His opponents weren’t skilled, not really. Their strikes were wild, uncoordinated, easy enough to deflect. But there were always more of them. One after another, they kept coming, and what they lacked in technique, they made up for in numbers and persistence.
Adolin held his ground. He always did. But the effort left him drained. Even when he walked away without a scratch, his hands would shake, and his breath would come short. The fights stretched longer than they should have, every bout leaving him with less in reserve than the one before.
He told himself it was manageable. That he could handle it. But part of him knew he was being whittled down, piece by piece.
And there was only so much left to give.
But deep down, he knew: he was running out of time.
His body had never fully recovered from his previous trials, having managed to gain back only a fraction of the weight he had lost. Now, once again, he found himself struggling to keep enough food down to even maintain his weight. Even on days he didn't fight he was exhausted, but he couldn’t give himself enough of a restbite, not when Maya was under attack and in pain.
The spren naturally protested every time he went back to fight despite knowing that they would not deter Adolin, and
so they doubled their efforts to prepare their plan.
* * *
The plan, as it turned out, was simple.
The spren had already found a cultivation spren—one close enough in form to pass as Maya, at least to anyone not paying close attention. With the caretakers’ help, they’d make the switch. Maya would take her place for a few precious hours, then slip back before dawn.
It wasn’t complicated. And in Adolin’s experience, that usually meant it had a fighting chance. No moving pieces, no clever distractions. Just time. A handful of hours to be near her again. To hold on a little tighter. Maybe that would be enough—to steady the bond, even a little. Or if not, then at least to buy them time. And right now, that was worth everything.
***
It hadn’t taken long—not really. Just over a fortnight for his friends to arrange everything, for the caretakers and the impostor spren to be prepped, for all the pieces to quietly fall into place.
But to Adolin, the days had dragged like years. Every hour was a weight. Every night without Maya pressed down on him like a hand to the chest. And in spite of all his own advice, in spite of every instinct trained to anticipate the worst, he couldn’t stop the hope from blooming.
He tried. Storms, he tried. But hope was persistent. Quietly ravenous. It made the ache of separation sharper, more personal—no longer a wound he could ignore but something deeper, almost physical. A wrong that begged to be made right.
By the time the night came, he was already raw.
Adolin paced the length of his cell, boots scuffing against the stone in a rhythm that didn’t settle his nerves. Rhollyn sat nearby, silent, watchful, refusing to interrupt. Hours passed like this. Ashera had stopped by well after midnight to confirm everything was in motion. The final piece was set. The exchange had begun.
And still he couldn’t stop moving.
The dream of seeing Maya again—of truly seeing her, in the flesh, not in memory or vision—had died in him long ago. He’d buried it. Grieved it. Let it go. That had been the only way forward.
He’d told himself that finding her in his mind was enough. That holding her there—fighting for her there—was a gift, a mercy he didn’t deserve. And maybe it was.
But here he was now, waiting for the impossible. Waiting for her.
His nerves were strung so tight they ached. Every second stretched thinner than the last. The closer the moment drew, the more certain he became that it wouldn’t happen. That something—anything—would go wrong. That this last sliver of hope would be snatched away like all the others.
So when the knock finally came, low and deliberate, the sound slammed into his chest like a hammer. He froze, breath caught in his throat, and for a terrifying instant he couldn’t move. Couldn’t think.
He didn’t know what would break him more—that she wasn’t behind the door… or that she was.
The door creaked open, painfully slow. Adolin stared, heart pounding, a breath locked between his ribs. And then—
Ashera stepped through first, smiling. Behind her stood a handful of unfamiliar spren, somber-faced and still. Maya’s guards, maybe. He wasn’t sure. His mind was slow to catch up, trying to piece together what wasn’t wrong.
No shouting. No alarms. No last-minute betrayal. The plan had gone through. The plan had actually worked.
He didn’t move. Didn’t dare. Every muscle in his body had locked tight the moment the door creaked open. Hope and fear twisted together in his chest until he couldn’t tell one from the other. Ashera stepped aside. And there—half-hidden behind her, hunched, motionless—stood a figure. Small. Slumped. Familiar.
His breath caught. The world around him narrowed, went quiet, as if the cell had been drawn inward to a single point. Gray-brown skin. Thorny hair. Tattered robes, worn with time and weight. He raised a shaking hand, reached out. His fingers hovered in the air for a moment before brushing against her cheek. The skin felt cool, almost brittle. He gently tilted her face upward.
And she looked at him. But the eyes that met his were flat. Cautious. Empty. His stomach sank. His hand dropped away.
"...It’s not her,” he whispered.
The silence in the room cracked.
“What?” someone asked—Rhollyn, maybe, or Lyreah.
Adolin couldn’t tell. Couldn’t look away.
“It’s not her,” he said again, quieter this time, the words pulled from the hollow space in his chest. “It’s not Maya.”
The cell erupted—questions flying from every side, voices overlapping, footsteps shifting—but Adolin didn’t hear any of it.
He was staring at the stranger in Maya’s skin, and all he could feel was the aching space where Maya should have been.
He staggered back, his hand dropping from the imposter’s cheek. The weight of the moment crushed down on him, and for a breathless instant, everything tilted—like the world had slipped out from under him.
His thoughts reeled. Panic clawed up his throat. Maya? he called out in his mind, desperate, grasping. Where are you?
“I’m here, my prince,” came her voice, soft and unsure. “I’m waiting for your friends.”
Something in his chest pulled tight. Where is ‘here’?
“Where I always am.”
Tell me what you see.
A pause. Then: “Nothing, my prince. It’s all dark… like always.”
The last word hadn’t even finished echoing when the door slammed open.
Adolin spun toward the sound, dread already rushing in to fill the space hope had just abandoned. Three figures burst through the doorway, shrieking as they crossed the threshold. Behind them, a voice called out, smug and unmistakable.
“Here they are. All of them, just like I told you.”
Garron stood in the hall. His expression was unreadable—hard and distant. And beside him, dressed in his pristine robes, was Sekeir. The smile on his lips was thin, practiced, cruel.
Behind them stood soldiers. Dozens of them. Spears and blades at the ready, eyes alight with Stormlight.
“Just as I said. Traitors, all of them. Colluding with the enemy. Undermining justice,” Garron declared.
“Arrest them.” Sekeir commanded flick of his fingers.
The room erupted.
Shouts broke out from every side as weapons were drawn, voices raised. Adolin moved to reach for Rhollyn but didn’t get far—rough hands grabbed him from behind, sharp and practiced. He twisted, tried to fight back, but they held fast, dragging him to the floor like dead weight.
His friends had no chance. Lyreah stood frozen, disbelief carved into her face. Rhollyn was yelling something—rage or warning, Adolin couldn’t tell through the noise. And Ashera... Ashera didn’t move. She stood rooted where she was, fury and sorrow chasing each other across her features.
Adolin’s heart pounded as the weight of it all crashed down. They’d been betrayed. Caught. And Maya—Maya was still out there, alone in the dark. He was being torn away from her again.
He barely registered the chaos around him. Voices blurred. Shapes moved. His vision tunneled until all he could feel was the sickening pull of panic. It swelled in his chest, ready to break him—But fury got there first.
He wrenched himself upright in the guards’ grip, teeth clenched, eyes blazing. “Where is she?” he spat.
They turned to look at him—Sekeir, Garron, the guards, the soldiers—but he didn’t wait for a reply.
“You monster,” Adolin snarled. “What did you do to her? Where is Maya?” His voice cracked under the strain. “Where is my spren?”
"Is this your excuse, your subversion? Not bad, human, but you will not trick anyone with your treachery, your poison tongue, we have figured you out by now and no one will fall for it. You only succeed in proving how duplicitous humans are.”
“That’s not her and you know it, what did you do to her?” Adolin almost pleaded.
“So much for your deep devotion I see, human. You would go as far as to deny her when she is standing right in front of you? You deserve nothing from us, and shall receive nothing.” Sekeir said chin raised, speaking more to the soldiers than to Adolin
“You on the other hand…” Sekeir turned to Garron. “You deserve anything you want, your loyalty has served us greatly.” A slimy smile spread on his lips as he put his hand on the day guard's shoulder.
“You know what it is I want.” Garron said sternly.
“Of course, and you shall have it along with anything else you desire.”
Sekeir turned to the other guards
"Take these traitors and throw them in the deepest cells.”He ordered, contempt lacing his voice.
At that the faces of his friends turned ashen and panic overtook Adolin, his vision tunneling, Maya softly whimpering in his ear. This couldn't be, it couldn't be that this would be the way the spren's countless and generous efforts would be rewarded. He couldn't accept that this was all because of him.
In the breath of just a few seconds his blind panic turned to cold fury quieting everything inside him.
"You can't do that. You won't do that. You can't make them disappear. Others will notice, others will care. You won't get away with this. You can do whatever you want to me but leave them alone.” He spat with vitriol, trying to conceal his desperation and worry, trying to do anything that would help spare his friends. Sekeir turned back to him and his blank, unworried face drained away all of Adolin’s hopes.
“They are traitors to their kind and I’ll make sure every spren knows that. They deserve whatever comes to them. But if you feel it’s unfair maybe you can tell me what punishment you reserve for treason up in the material world and if it’s more mild I’ll consider lessening their sentence." His voice was calm and cold, a wicked grin splitting his face.
Adolin kept his mouth shut as a shiver ran down his spine, picturing Sekeir and his cronies digging daggers into his friends, trying to drain the life out of them.
At his silence Sekeir continued. “As for your punishment, you deserve the worst we have to offer and no one here will cry for you. Yet, since you are already locked in a cell, sadly there isn’t much worse I can do for you except make sure that this time you suffer all the extent of your sentence. That is why I will be transferring you to a cell in my own quarters where Garron will be keeping an eye on you the whole time.”
The hood came down before Sekeir even finished speaking. Rough hands grabbed him—too many to fight—dragging him out of the cell like a sack of grain. The world vanished. One blink and it was gone.
Stone underfoot. Shouts behind him. The press of bodies. Then silence, save for the steady slap of boots on stone.
He couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. All he could see was Maya—alone, still waiting in the dark, still trusting that help was coming. And now he was gone.
Gone, and so were the others.Rhollyn’s voice, shouting his name. Lyreah’s face, stricken. Ashera, frozen in place, too stunned to speak. They were being taken too. Because of him.
It hit him all at once—sharp and suffocating. They had trusted him. Followed him. And now they were paying for it.
And Maya…
Storms. What if this broke the bond? What if this was the moment she slipped away for good? The panic rose too fast to hold back. His breath stuttered, shame bleeding into terror. He had failed them all—his friends, his spren, himself.
And there was nothing he could do but stumble forward in the dark.
Chapter 15: New Cell
Chapter Text
Adolin was dragged through the corridors and thrown him into his new cell. It wasn’t much different from the old one—a mattress without a frame in the corner, a walled-off space for privacy, a barrel of water that looked barely clean. Smaller, maybe. Less kempt for sure. But what struck him most wasn’t what the cell had. It was what it didn’t.
No books. No razor. No cologne or soft sheet. No spicy sauce. Every small comfort his friends had brought him—gone. The reminder hit hard, sharp and unrelenting, tightening in his chest like a fist. Rhollyn, Lyreah, Ashera... their kindness had only brought them suffering.
His heart ached. Maya’s presence brushed against his mind, light and careful, like the touch of a hand reaching out in the dark. She was trying to soothe him, to remind him he wasn’t alone. And for a fleeting moment, a defiant thought bloomed—sharp, almost gleeful in its spite.
They could strip him of everything. But they couldn’t take her. No matter what cruelty the spren might conjure, he still had Maya. Still had something to fight for.
He closed his eyes in the cell. When he opened them again, he stood in her garden, Shardplate glinting across his shoulders. His hands curled into fists. He was ready.
Maya was there in an instant, rushing to him, arms wrapping tight around his chest. She clung to him, wordless, desperate to comfort. But he pulled back, jaw tight, eyes already turning toward the edge of the garden.
“I need to fight.”
She protested—softly at first, then more firmly. This wasn’t the time. He was weakened, still recovering. He needed to preserve his strength. But he wouldn’t listen. He stepped past her, toward the boundary, and looked down. The shapes were still there, writhing and faceless, clawing upward through the roots of their bond. Always there. Always waiting.
Maya called out one last time. Then she gave in—not in surrender, but in understanding. Her form shimmered. Crystallized. And a moment later, she was a sword in his hands.
***
After the last of the shadows dissolved into smoke, Adolin dropped to his knees, breath ragged, arms shaking from the strain. The garden around him was quiet again—bruised but holding.
Adolin sat with his back against a tree, the weight of his armor gone but the heaviness in his chest lingering. Maya knelt beside him, fingers ghosting over the bruises on his hands. Neither spoke at first. The garden was quiet, unnaturally so, as if it too was catching its breath.
“That was too much,” she said at last, voice soft and uneven. He didn’t respond. Just stared down at the dirt smudged into his palms.
“If I hadn’t—” he began, but the words crumbled. He didn’t know how to finish them. That he’d failed? That he’d been reckless? That he hadn’t cared what happened to him, only that they couldn’t take her? Maya leaned into him, her head resting on his shoulder. “You scare me when you fight like that,” she whispered. “You throw yourself away.”
He swallowed hard, eyes closing. “I didn’t know what else to do.” Her fingers tightened around his.
“Be here for me.” She pleaded.
He nodded, but the ache didn’t ease. All he could feel was the echo of the cell door slamming shut, the betrayal in Garron’s eyes, the silence where his friends used to be. He was still here. But somehow, it felt like pieces of him were already gone.
Adolin woke up in his cell after his fight feeling battered and bruised all over. Every little move hurt and he couldn't find a comfortable enough position to rest. His mind was flashing inside his head, red with pain, but his burning in his heart had quieted down, the fight having squelched it for the time being. His eyes still closed, he reached for some water from the barrel to wash his face but all the muscles protested the move and he couldn’t hold back a tired groan.
His heart and everything else about him stopped as a hearty laugh from the door caught him off guard.
“You know, when I asked for this post, I knew that watching you suffer would be rewarding, but I never imagined just how rewarding it would be.” Garron gloated through the bars of the door.
“But Isn’t your job the same as before?” Adolin said in a mocking tone.
“In theory yes, but it wasn’t as satisfying before. Of course I didn’t know about your little helpers tripping over each other to make things easier for you. Your true sentence starts now and I’ll be here all the time to make damn sure that you pay it in full.”
“You know, I don’t get you. I can understand wanting me to suffer, but asking for this post, aren’t you making yourself as much of a prisoner as I am?”
“I might be tied up here, but you still fail to realize how enjoyable and rewarding this is for me. Besides, it’s not for long, it’s only until you die. A human’s lifespan is almost nothing to a spren.” Garron said dispassionately, sending shivers down Adolin’s spine.
“You really don’t have anything better to do?” Adolin asked in disbelief and exasperation.
“Maybe it’s worth it for me, have you thought about that? Maybe watching you pay for your sins is more important than anything else going on out there.” the guard said spitefully, any kind of joviality he had before completely gone.
Adolin was taken aback by the sudden change in mood but was also overcome by a sense of injustice and hurt.
“Do you really hate me this much? What did I ever do to you?” he demanded like a petulant child.
At that Garron growled through his clenched teeth. The animosity took Adolin by surprise and made unsure so he kept his mouth shut.
“Could it be that even after all this time, you have never once considered that you might have wronged me in some way. Has it never crossed your mind what the consequences of your actions might have been? Who could have gotten hurt because of you and the reason you are in this cell in the first place?”
“You ask if I don’t have anything better to do. I did. I had a family, I had two sons but they are now dead because of you.”
Adolin felt his insides freeze as if doused with ice water and his stomach dropped at the thought that he could be responsible for the death of two spren, for the death of the children of the man standing before him and staring him down spouting condemnations of the worst kind. What could he ever say to defend himself to a grieving father, should he even try? But first he had to understand what had happened and how he was to blame.
“How… What happened to them?” he asked in a small voice, dreading to hear the answer …and how was it my fault? He didn’t dare say.
“Your obliviousness is almost insulting. You’ve been in this cell for months now and you still haven’t worked it out.” the guard's voice was dripping with bile, his face expression crazed. “What happened?! YOU happened. You showed up at our doorstep and we made the grave mistake of letting you in.”
The stone that was crushing Adolin’s heart eased up a little, whatever he supposedly did hadn’t actually killed any spren as far as he knew, but then again being locked up he couldn’t know everything so he kept his mouth shut lest he managed to add insult to injury.
“They listened to your pretty words, they believed your lies and they left the only life and home they’ve ever known to fight in a war.”
Was that it? It wasn’t as if he didn’t feel any guilt over dragging innocent spren into the misery of war, but his guilt was relieved by his deep belief that the humans wouldn't betray the spren again, not after last time. It was a burden he had long concluded he was willing to live with.
“Look, you can hate me all you want for that but I didn’t lie. You have to understand that I’m fully convinced that your sons will come back safe and triumphant. I would never let anyone risk their lives for us without being fully aware of the risk they would be taking.”
Garron was unsurprisingly not comforted by this sentiment.
“You have too much faith in the human scum. I don’t know if it’s out of naivete or willful ignorance but it doesn’t make you any less responsible for the outcome and I’m here to make sure you suffer sufficiently for it.”
“You know, in Roshar it’s considered bad luck to mourn for those who are not yet dead.”
“They are as good as dead, and I will honor them by making you repent and suffer.”
Adolin knew a lost fight when he saw one and he recognized there would be no changing this man’s opinion. He tried not to let his thoughts linger on the fact that this hostile spren would be his sole company for the next many years of his life.
He left behind his crummy cell and once again stepped into the beautiful garden to hug his sweet spren, the only thing keeping him tethered to sanity and giving him a reason to live. There he had a faithful companion, he had air to breathe and room to move but more importantly, there he had a purpose, a function. It was up to him to protect Maya and make her better and he would do anything in his power to fulfill his role.
Chapter 16: The world tilts on it's axis
Chapter Text
Once again, loud banging on the metal door ripped him from Maya’s garden, accompanied by the angry, baritone voice of Garron calling him to rise.
The instinctive annoyance at the mocking, confrontational tone rose in his chest, but he pushed it down, not wanting to give the guard the satisfaction.
“You’ve got a visitor. The first—and only—one you can expect to ever have, if I might add,” he said with a chuckle, and Adolin braced himself for yet another spren coming to gloat.
He sat up straighter on his bed, trying to prepare, but something felt off when he saw Garron leave.
Questions and worst-case scenarios flooded his mind, but he tried not to dwell on them.
When the outer door opened and Sekeir strode into the hall, Adolin felt like a fool. Of course it was him. Of course the man wouldn’t miss a chance to gloat. But beneath that, anger bubbled in his chest.
He forced it down, unwilling to show weakness to the one holding his fate.
“Our esteemed leader comes to visit. What have I done to deserve such honour? I’d offer you a chair and something to drink, but I seem to be running low on those at the moment,” Adolin said, his simmering anger masked in sarcasm.
“Insolent as ever, I see. Your kind never disappoints,” Sekeir replied, unfazed by the tone.
“Well, you know us lowly humans. We can’t all be as gracious and magnanimous as the divine spren,” he continued, enjoying the jab.
“You keep provoking me, as if you’re under the illusion I can’t make things worse for you.”
“Your presence is surely enough for that,” Adolin retorted, unable to stop himself.
“Shall I leave you to your misery, then?” the spren offered, though Adolin knew it was a bluff.
“You’d leave without gloating? That would indeed surprise me.”
“That’s not what I’m here for. Is it so unbelievable that I came to check on you?”
The false warmth in Sekeir’s voice grated on him.
“You’re worried about me? How touching.”
“How can I not be? I mean, look at you. You’re a mess. Pale skin, dark circles, sunken cheeks, frail body. You look about ready to keel over.”
Sekeir’s voice was full of mock concern, but his expression bordered on gleeful. He knew exactly what he was doing—throwing Adolin’s weakness in his face.
“Your worry is noted,” Adolin said coldly, but it did nothing to slow the spren down.
“I’m not the only one. Your spren friends are out of their minds with worry.”
At that, Adolin’s anger flared, and his mask slipped.
“What have you done to them? Where are they?” he snapped.
“They’re exactly where traitors belong—locked away in cells not too different from yours. But instead of worrying about themselves, they keep fussing about you. Telling me what you need, insisting you won’t survive without their help.”
His voice turned mocking, and a cold dread crept down Adolin’s spine. This was bad. Sekeir had learned too much.
“So you came here to make sure of that?” he said bitterly.
“Do you really think me so heartless? Your punishment may be harsh, but it’s not more than you deserve. I consider myself just, not cruel. That’s why I’m here. Seeing how dire your situation is, I’ve come to offer you a deal.”
The fake sympathy was back, and Adolin had to clench his fists to resist the urge to strike him.
“A deal. So you didn’t come to help—you came to bargain,” Adolin said, the condemnation plain. Sekeir wanted something, and Adolin already hated whatever it was.
“I wouldn’t say that. I’m offering you a chance to serve your sentence with dignity. And comfort.”
The smugness in his voice made it clear—this offer came with strings.
“And what’s the price? Am I to stand at the top of the tower and proclaim you as the most noble and just leader in spren history? What could you possibly want?”
Sekeir smiled. “Nothing so crude. What I want is simple. And it won’t cost you anything.”
Adolin didn’t believe that for a second.
"What is it then?” he said flatly. “Spit it out.”
Sekeir adjusted his stand a bit as if he was nervous but went on coldly and calmly.
“The only thing you have to do is break your bond with your spren.”
It felt like the cell that held him shrunk squeezing him and the ceiling came down to crush him. He really shouldn't have been surprised at the request but he was still caught off guard.
“What? You want me to break my bond?!?” Adolin shouted, losing all composure, righteous fury burning in his chest.
“On don’t act so indignant, human, I’m sure you’ll get over it.” Sekeir said dismissively.
“And what do you care if I break my bond or not?” The only reason Sekeir would offer so much was if he knew—about the bond, about its effect on the old spren. Word was bound to reach him eventually, but the fact that he was here meant he saw it as a threat.
“Are you really that afraid that our bond made her more than a dead, mindless husk. That I succeeded where you failed for centuries. And now you’re willing to kill your own prisoner—under your protection—just to stop it."
“I only care that your spren gets some rest from being shuckled on to you, she is already dead, she suffered enough don’t you think?” he said defensively.
“Oh don’t pretend to care about the old spren, not when it’s just the two of us. You don't want the truth to come out because the spren might start asking the wrong questions. About the trial. The war. About you. ”
“Why is it so difficult for you to accept that I really believe the best thing for her is to be free of you?” the spren went on with the charade and Adolin couldn't hold back any longer.
“I don’t know, maybe because you would be willing to kill her again by breaking our bond, because you hid her somewhere dark and put a fake on display? Where is she Sekeir, what have you done to her?” he accused.
“This isn’t getting anywhere.” Sekeir backpedaled “I’ll make your options clear so even you can understand. There will be no more spren sneaking in here at the dead of night to bring you food and medicine. You can break your bond now and get a comfortable life for you and your friends;
Or you let it eat at you a little while longer before you crawl back to me offering to break it for any kind of scrap that you will not get, all while your friends rot in their dark cells.“
How dare this crem threaten his friends like that? How dare he use his own people as leverage?
“Leave my friends out of this, they have nothing to do with this.”
“And why would I do that? It was their choice to defy me and get involved with this mess.”
“The rest of the spren will not stand for this. They will not stand for such treatment of their friends and neighbors and they won't accept your excuses.”
"You are not completely wrong, human. Under normal circumstances they wouldn’t. But things are different now. You see, we have just received news from Roshar. News that when shared will convince even your most fierce defender.”
Adolin froze at that, his breath caught in his throat. News from Roshar, he hadn't heard anything since he left almost a year ago.
“News? What news?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
“You seem nervous and you should be. Allow me to demonstrate the effect it will have on the spren.” He turned to the outer door of the hall where Garron stood guard and shouted. “Garron, get the other guards and everyone else you see and come in here.”
In just a few moments Garron returned with five more unfamiliar spren in toe and just like that Sekeir’s wolfish, smearing grin turned into a mournful expression.
"My friends, I’m sorry to say I have received tragic news from the frontline in Roshar.” Sekeir paused for a second, looking around to see if he still had everyone's attention while ice dropped in Adolin's veins, confident he did not want to hear the next words that he would utter.
“Just when you think you’ve heard all the horror stories from humans, just when you think you're seen the worst of them, they go and surprise you in the worst way possible. It wasn't enough for them to rope us into their bloody wars. It wasn't enough to use us and betray us, to leave us empty husks with dead eyes condemned to roam the earth for eternity. It wasn't enough they had the nerve to come back and beg us to do it all over again. After all that what do they do? Are they grateful, are they cautious? Do they tread lightly? No, of course not. They do what they always do, what their base nature commands. They find a way to make things worse, to hurt us more.”
Sekeir continued, the spren listening with rapt attention while Adolin stood frozen, rooted in place.
"As if their past sins were not enough they have gone and found a way to kill us permanently, to erase our existence completely. They have finally found a way to make us mortals like them. Friends, and even traitors, it is with the utmost regret that I inform you that our beloved Phendorana is dead, killed in action along with her knight.”
There were gasps Adolin thought but he couldn't be sure, his heart was beating too violently while his mind raced. A spren was dead, like actually, really dead. How could that be? Who would do that? Who would have looked for a way to kill them? That meant that every bonded spren was now in danger. How many spren had listened to him and traveled to Roshar because of his meaningless promises? How many spren will die because of him? How many had he condemned to death?
In just a moment his world was flipped upside down, his stomach dropped along and his heart sank as something worse than his worst fears came to pass. His nugging worry that people would still break their bond and hurt the spren that trusted in him was now laughable in the face of actual death and annihilation. Suddenly every insult, every accusation that was leveled against him was all true and insufficient. Suddenly his heavy sentence wasn’t nearly heavy enough for his crimes.
In his despair and anguish he felt the soft touch of his beloved spren trying to soothe his anguish. Before he knew it he was recoiling from her touch, her comfort only brought him more shame now, it made him feel so unworthy of her pure love and devotion. He shouldn’t be comforted, he didn’t deserve to feel better, he only deserved more condemnation and scorn.
He sat motionless of the cold ground lost in time, oblivious to everything else around lost in a waking nightmare.
Chapter 17: Too Far, Too Late
Chapter Text
Phendorana was dead. Poor Phendorana. He hadn’t known her too well but knowing of her fate, he couldn't separate it from the other spren he knew so well. The images of a dead Pattern or a dead Syl flashed before his eyes and he couldn’t help but mourn them. He knew it was bad luck to mourn someone who still lived but his mind couldn’t wrap around that, if there was a way for them to die it seemed like only a matter of time for what came for Phendorana to come for them too. Against his will his mind conjured images of battlefields littered with the corpses of innocent little spren against the backdrop of a red storm and a world ruled by Odium.
He dropped his face into his palms and wept for the brave little spren he had condemned; for his family and friends; for all Radiant losing their beloved spren and their protection against Odium’s forces; for humanity as a whole enslaved to the God of Hate.
He cried his heart out until he was too tired to move or think. He wanted to fall asleep on the cold hard ground where he lay but even that was too much comfort to ask for. He tried to shut out the memories, the voice of Sekeir shuttering his world, “Our beloved Phendorana is dead, killed in action...”. In his desperation he shut his eyes and covered his ears as if it would shut out the voices, but they kept ringing in his mind over and over again. “Our beloved Phendorana is dead, killed in action along with her knight.”
‘Along with her knight’? But Teft was her knight…. He opened his tired eyes seeing nothing but this new hell. Oh no,no, no, no, no no no.... That can't be… it can’t mean that Teft is dead, Kaladin won’t be able to handle it, he loves Teft so much, he leans on him, he’s like a father to him. He won’t be able to handle his death well, not even a little. He needs to be there for him, Kaladin needs him. The Almighty knows that he won't let anyone else near enough to help him. He needs to be there now or yesterday or a month ago, Lord knows how long ago it happened.
A violent shiver ran through him at the realization.
This happened God knows how long ago and he wasn’t there, if Kaladin was to do something… he was already too late to help him. Lord only Knows if Kaladin is still.... He couldn’t even think it. He knows it's possible, he knows that Kaladin was teetering on the edge long before this. He knew he could have helped if he hadn't left, yet while knowing all these he left him alone to travel to the further reaches of the planet.
God, it was all his fault, how could he keep screwing things up when he was in another plane of existence?
He had asked Shallan to keep an eye on Kaladin, the only comfort he could offer from afar, but had she even made it back to him yet? Was there anyone who could reach him? There was Bridge four made up from all his friends who adored him but Adolin knew too well how Kaladin kept them all at hand’s reach, never accepting their help, never showing off his vulnerability. Teft was the only one who was allowed close and that was the whole problem.
There was Renarin. His brother was kind soul and resilient, he would never let anyone near him drown without trying to help but he didn’t have a close relationship with the captain despite being a member of Bridge four for a long time, neither one of them would be able to navigate those interactions well enough to be of use.
Then there was his father. Dalinar could be trusted with a lot of things, he could be trusted to lead a whole war, to rule a whole kingdom, to stand like an immovable stone against the forces of Odium and protect them all. Adolin wouldn’t normally say he trusted him with the intricacies of human interaction and emotion, but with Kaladin it was different. Thinking about it sometimes made his lungs constrict uncomfortably, but still he could admit that with Kaladin, Dalinar showed more patience and understanding than Adolin had ever seen from him. He took him under his wing from the start and showed him love and care, almost like a third son and sometimes even more so.
But Dalinar, despite all the good intentions he was sure to have, was not a man of half measures, his gentle hand was more like a boulder, swiping everything in its path and though he was usually effective, his all or nothing way wouldn't work on a matter so delicate.
In the whole time he’d known him, Adolin was the only one who could get past the solid, high walls that Kaladin put up around him whenever he felt vulnerable and raw. He was the only one who could get close enough to help and he was now locked in a cell in another plane of existence.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. How could he have been so stupid and so callous with his responsibilities? How could he have accepted to journey so far from the people who depended on him, how could he have allowed himself to be forever parted from them?
Whatever happened was his fault. Whatever Kaladin did… Adolin didn’t even dare to finish the thought. Gruesome, unwanted images kept flashing in his mind, all his fears coming to life in the worst ways and try as he might he couldn't make them stop.
Endless hours, maybe days, were spent in his bed tossing from one side to the other, haunted by gruesome scenes that his myriad of his mistakes caused. His brain couldn’t help producing them and despite their horribleness Adolin didn’t try to stop them, knowing full well all the torment he was experiencing was well deserved. Had he tried to push all that aside, had he tried to hide away from the grim reality he created he would be the biggest coward to ever walk Roshar, so there he stayed, in his bed consumed by guilt and grief wondering how he managed to fail everyone so utterly, how he managed to cause so much damage without ever intending.
His rundown mattress became his new prison inside his cell. There was nothing that could compel him to get up, to move, to eat or wash.
He was pulling on his hair hard trying to rip them out when a gentle hand took hold of his own. Adolin looked up to see his beloved Maya with a stricken expression on her face. His hand still in hers, she sat down next to him in the thorny grass and only then did he register he was in her garden.
She had him close and her scarred eyes showed all the grief and agony she felt.
A part of him wanted to reject the comfort, the solidarity, to punish himself in the worst way by depriving himself of her, but another part, the bigger one, had long surrendered and accepted that the two of them were now one and he wouldn’t shut her out for anything, not even to spare her his pain.
There they sat for hours as she held him close and they grieved together until there was nothing left inside him but emptiness.
His sleep was uneasy, filled with his worst fears, but it was also almost resigned, more ready to grieve the loss rather than trying to unmake it.
Still, it was pain and guilt that first greeted him when he woke up again even before the light did, even before he felt the cold hard ground beneath him, and he knew he would never escape it.
Chapter 18: Other People’s Sins
Chapter Text
His meals came and went and Adolin couldn’t even bear to look at them without being overtaken by nausea and disgust. The thought of taking care of himself, of doing anything that brought him comfort or pleasure sent his heart racing and his breathing hiking. The guard kept giving him curious glances but Adolin couldn’t care enough to interpret them.
Fortunately, Maya’s sweet voice was always in his ear, whispering words of comfort, trying to distract and console him.
At times she managed to get him distracted, to forget about his crimes if only for a little while. Those times got him a little rest bite but afterwards he would be furious, hate her and himself. He knew full well that all her words and consolations were empty, simply an attempt to soothe him when he didn’t deserve any comfort, or love or sympathy. He only deserved scorn for his thoughtless actions and crimes, for the immeasurable grief and loss he had caused and was yet to cause.
After his anger would die down, he would be overwhelmed by guilt and shame for taking out his frustrations on his loving, pure, innocent spren.
And yet, beneath it all—beneath the guilt, the shame, the self-loathing—lay a darker truth. A truth he couldn’t voice without choking on it. If not for all this pain, all this death... would he have ever come so close to Maya? Would she have ever awakened? Thought? Spoken? Would she have ever held his hand and looked at him the way she did now?
And if given the chance—would he undo it? Would he give her up, just to fix everything else?
The question sank its claws into him and dragged him under. Round and round it went, a spiral with no bottom. His thoughts gnawed at themselves, cycling through blame and doubt, never letting him breathe.
The days went by in a haze, meals came and went untouched leaving him weaker and more miserable each time. There was some sick satisfaction on the morning when he got up and the world spun around him and his muscles trembled from weakness. It was some sense of accomplishment, of justice served, of balance returned, now that his body felt as bad as his mind did.
It didn’t go unnoticed.
Maya had stayed quiet through it all, gentle in her persistence, but apparently, she had reached her limit.
Without warning, she yanked him from the cell into her garden, her presence burning with fury. He collapsed on the stone floor, too weak to stand—and she stood above him, blazing. Her usually soft features were twisted with indignation. Her entire form trembled, not with pain, but righteous anger.
Maya’s straight talk
“Maya?” he rasped, dazed. “What—what’s happening?”
She stood above him, radiant and trembling, her form lit with fury. No longer soft-spoken. No longer gentle.
“That’s enough,” she snapped. “That is more than enough. I understand you’re devastated by the news we received. I understand that you feel responsible for most of it—but I will not let you destroy yourself because of it.”
Adolin pushed himself upright, breath short. “Maya—”
“You are going to listen to me, Adolin Kholin.” Her voice was sharp, commanding, every word cutting. “You did your best. You tried so hard. You acted carefully and thoughtfully. There was nothing else you could have done. Try to understand—you are not, and you will never be, responsible for other grown people’s choices and actions. Just like no one is responsible for yours.”
She stepped closer. “You can grieve the unfortunate results of those actions and you can lament the choices you made to contribute to them, but I will not stand idly by watching you tear yourself down in a misguided attempt to pay for other people’s sins.”
“But when I left, I knew the risks…”
“Yes you did, you knew the risks. You knew that you were leaving all your loved ones, you knew you wouldn’t be there when they needed you, yet you did it anyway. Because back then you calculated and you concluded that giving humanity a fighting chance against the forces of hate was more important. You knew your presence and your support wouldn’t be enough to your loved ones if Odium were to kill or enslave them. You did what your conscience commanded you to do with the facts you had at the time.
Adolin bowed his head, her words cutting deep.
“And let me tell you something else,” she continued. “You punish yourself because you think you should have been there to save your friend. And maybe, if you had been, you could’ve helped. But again, you can’t be responsible for other people’s inner peace. You cannot will people to be alright and you can’t love them just enough to make them alright, that they have to do for themselves.”
She sighed, quieter now. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear. But you need to hear it. I don’t expect you to believe me yet. But one day, I think you will.”
Adolin wasn’t sure he believed any of it. Some part of him still wanted to argue, to defend his guilt. To hold onto it because it felt like the only thing keeping him upright. But he looked at Maya—glowing with conviction, her form rigid with emotion—and stopped himself. If he had driven her to such anger, maybe… maybe he was wrong. At least in part.
So he silenced the objections clawing at his mind, buried the shame still clinging to his ribs, and surrendered to her will, something he would never hesitate or regret doing.
“So, what do I do now?” He whispered to her like a scolded child.
“Now we take care of you, and that starts by eating. You see that plate by the door?”
“You mean that grayish slob?”
“The very same, I want you to eat as much as you can off that plate. I want you to eat more and more with each meal and I want you to be able to clean your plate by two days time. Am I making myself clear?”
“Sir, yes sir.” Adolin saluted his fierce spren, a small genuine smile breaking off on his face, the first one in a long while.
The guard had a puzzled look on his face and watched him suspiciously as he got up and grabbed the usually untouched plate and sat down on his mattress to eat it.
Adolin eyed the questionable mash in front of him and willed himself to eat. The pangs of hunger had already left him days before and his stomach grumbled as he arduously took his first bite. The taste that hid his tongue could not be described as unpleasant really since it was barely there. It was a bland, starchy taste, enough only to inform him that indeed there was some nourishing quality to it.
The smell on the other hand, despite being faint, was at least unappetizing and it made the second bite much more difficult than the first.
Maya, noticing his hesitation urged him on. “Come on, a little bit more, only a few mouthfuls.”
“Just so you know, you are the only reason I’m doing this.”
“And I'm perfectly fine with that.” she answered happily.
“Did you say something, convict?” The low, rumbling voice of the guard interrupted their nice moment, but also gave a chance to Adolin to fortify himself against the next bite.
“Not to you, guard.” Adolin responded and went back to his monumental task.
“You can do it.” Maya cheered him on and holding his breath he swallowed down the second bite.
By the third he was done and Maya was perfectly satisfied, but that didn’t last for long before Adolin was puking his guts out in the wash basin.
“Ok, maybe I pushed too much for a first meal. Take a moment to let your stomach calm down and then you can try again with a single bite.” Maya said innocently and lovingly.
Adolin shot her the equivalent of an incredulous look in their mind but they both knew full well he would do whatever Maya wanted him to do.
Chapter 19: The Levee breaks
Notes:
Sorry for the delay but I discovered a mistake I've made that changed quite a few things.... :P
Chapter Text
Adolin woke alone.
No soft brush of thought against his mind. No warmth. No whisper of greeting. The space where Maya should have been was empty—too empty.
He sat up abruptly, his pulse already quickening. He reached for her again, more deliberately this time, trying to sense any flicker of presence. Nothing, something was wrong.
He didn’t waste time questioning it. He closed his eyes and reached for the garden, for her.
The moment his eyes opened into that other realm, the sound hit him—faint at first, like distant thunder. Then sharper: a clash of metal, the high-pitched screech of unnatural voices, the dull thud of heavy impacts. Battle. It was coming from deeper within the garden.
No.
He sprinted forward, heart hammering against his ribs as he entered the garden—and stopped short.
Chaos clawed at every inch of it. Creatures swarmed like cremlings, dragging twisted limbs across flowerbeds, tearing vines from trellises, smashing delicate tile mosaics under foot. The glowing foliage sparked and dimmed with each blow, as if the very soul of the place was flickering out.
It was brutal and methodical, as if the garden’s very existence offended them.
But this wasn’t just violence—it was hunger. They were trying to devour it. Tearing into roots and vines like starving beasts, like something wild and wounded. Every movement was vicious, mindless—driven not by malice, but by need. Need to destroy, need to possess. They tore at the garden like jealous lovers, desperate to consume what they could never truly hold. As if by unmaking it, they might become part of it.
And Maya had tried to stop them.
He pushed forward, weaving past the hunched shapes and flailing limbs. The creatures barely noticed him. They were too focused on their task, too frenzied in their destruction.
He didn’t slow. Every step deeper twisted the knot in his gut tighter.
Then—he skidded to a halt.
A thick wall of creatures surged ahead, clustered so tightly they blocked the path entirely. Twisted limbs lashed out at the garden around them, shredding moss-covered stones and trampling glowing roots underfoot. The noise was deafening—screeches and snarls rising like a tide.
And behind them, just barely visible through the gaps in the chaos, he saw her.
She lay crumpled near the shattered edge of the reflecting pool, half-buried beneath torn vines and scattered tiles. Her robes were ripped, her body slumped against the stone like a broken statue. One arm was outstretched, fingers still wrapped around the hilt of a sword.
Maya.
The world narrowed. Adolin stopped breathing.
The sounds of battle dulled beneath a rising rush in his ears. A flash of red rage flooded his chest, so blinding he staggered from its weight. He didn’t call out. He didn’t scream. He raised his hand, and a killing blade, thin and sharp, materialized in it.
And he charged.
He plunged into them, blade swinging wide, reckless, unstoppable. Shadows shrieked as they burst apart beneath his strikes, their twisted forms scattering like ash in the wind. They clawed at his arms, tore at his side, but he didn’t slow. Pain was distant. Irrelevant. Every step carried him forward, every motion driven by the pounding rhythm of his heartbeat and the burning need to reach her.
They swarmed to close the gap, moving as one tangled mass of limbs and teeth and smoke. Adolin didn’t falter. He lowered his shoulder and drove into them, his blade slicing through flesh and shadow alike, carving space where none existed a moment before. The garden trembled underfoot, its glowing tiles cracked and overgrown, but he hardly registered it. He was past seeing, past thinking—only the movement mattered now.
His lungs burned, his muscles screamed, but he kept pushing, kept cutting. His body moved with ruthless precision, powered by rage and fear and desperation wound too tightly to unravel. The world had narrowed to a single point of focus, and that point was her.
And then he was there.
He dropped to his knees beside her, the fight still roaring behind him, his breath ragged and torn from his throat. Gently—so gently—he reached out and turned her toward him.
Her eyes were closed. Her face dimmed and pale, every line drawn with pain. The vines on her arms were cracked, their crystal tips dulled, and long slashes crossed her robes where blades had struck. Fissures traced the surface of her skin, broken in places by gashes and splintered edges. Her breathing was shallow—but there.
Alive. She was alive.
He bowed his head, one hand cradling her cheek. “Maya…” The word broke in his throat. He pressed his forehead to hers, letting the contact steady him. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”
There was no answer. No flicker of her thoughts brushing against his.
His chest ached. But he wouldn’t let her stay here. Not in this battlefield.
He slipped his arms beneath her and lifted her carefully into his arms. She was light—but limp. Fragile in a way that made his stomach clench. He backed away slowly, using his body to shield her from the chaos, retreating to a quiet alcove where the flowers still glowed faintly and the stone walls still stood.
He laid her down gently, brushing a tangle of hair from her face.
She didn’t stir. Her face, usually so expressive, gave nothing back—only stillness, quiet, and the faint rise and fall of her breath.
Adolin stayed there, leaning in, letting his forehead rest against hers. He closed his eyes, breathing her in, memorizing the warmth of her skin, the shape of her presence, anchoring himself to the one thing he still had.
“I’m sorry, Maya,” he murmured, voice low and cracking. “I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. I’m sorry you thought you had to face them alone.”
His thumb grazed her cheek, and for a moment he just breathed—trying to hold himself steady in the quiet of her stillness.
“I’ll make it right,” he whispered. “I swear it. I’ll protect our garden, if it’s the last thing I do.”
Adolin rose slowly from the ground, every muscle burning, every joint stiff with pain, but the cold fire in his chest drove him upward, steady and unrelenting. His breath dragged in through clenched teeth, and he didn’t try to calm it. The fury had settled into something deeper now—quieter, colder, more precise. It no longer screamed. It didn’t need to.
His eyes stayed fixed on the distance, on the twisting mass of creatures still ripping into the garden, desecrating every inch of it with their clawed hunger. They had hurt her. They had dared to lay their hands on the one thing he could not lose. There was no room for fear, or grief, or even thought—only purpose.
As he straightened fully, the familiar weight of Shardplate began to take shape around him, summoned not with intent but instinct, each glowing segment wrapping around his limbs with the solemnity of armor forged for judgment.
A sword appeared in his hand—not the same as before but something heavier, brutal in its simplicity. For a split second, it reminded him of his father’s weapon—the blunt, unrelenting edge of the Blackthorn’s will, a blade made for breaking. This one felt the same. Born not of honor, but fury. Shaped by the single, unshakable truth burning in his blood: they would not touch her again.
Around him, more figures emerged—flickering into being at the edges of his awareness, dozens at first, then hundreds, the largest surge he had ever felt. Each one bore his form, his armor, his rage. They stood silent and ready, manifestations of the storm inside him, born not of command but of conviction. He barely noticed them.
His world had narrowed to one path—straight through the creatures that threatened her, and he would walk it until nothing was left standing.
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MippenIII on Chapter 1 Fri 08 Apr 2022 12:29PM UTC
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Lunafaire on Chapter 1 Fri 22 Apr 2022 06:05AM UTC
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