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“Do you see it?” he called.
She ran from the kitchen to the balcony of his apartment, excited to see the first snowfall of the season. She watched as the flakes danced down past her, swirling and twisting through the night air. In the moonlight, in the streetlights, they glistened like the jewel he wanted her to be.
His arms wrapped tight around her, his body pressed against her. “You could have at least grabbed a coat, you know,” he chastised her, pressing a kiss to her bare neck. He tugged at the scrunchie in her low ponytail, causing her long, red hair to fall over one shoulder.
She giggled, twisting in his arms to face him. He was right; the air was cold, and the tank top and shorts she wore were not enough for a night out in the snow.
“Why would I need a coat when I have you to keep me warm?” she asked, studying the flecks in his eyes.
“Whatever,” he said with a smile and a roll of his eyes. Before she could process, or protest, he lifted her chin with his hand and bent down to kiss her, his other hand sliding to rest on her hips. His tongue slid between her lips as his fingers danced on the bare skin right above the top of her shorts.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he pulled away. Her head rested on his chest.
“I’m so glad I could be here tonight,” she whispered, closing her eyes.
“Me, too.” His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.
💔🧣💔
Mia opened her eyes at the first sound of her alarm, shutting it off quickly. She rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. Her dreams from the night before are right on the edge of her memory. To remember or forget is what she can’t decide. It’s just more of the same: his laugh, his eyes, his voice, all the parts of him she knows will eventually slip away. All things she would do better to forget. But what else can she trust, can she hold onto, if not her memories?
Her phone beeps again, and she rolls over to answer it. A reminder to take her medication, which she dismisses. It’ll remind her again in an hour, and she doesn’t want to get out of bed just yet. On the phone’s home screen are four other notifications: three missed calls and one voicemail. Received at 12:13 AM, 1:58 AM, and 3:46 AM. And the voicemail, all from the same number; one she recognizes but doesn’t have saved anymore. She stares at the text on her screen, trying to talk herself into or out of ignoring them. The screen faded to black before she could make up her mind.
She leaves her phone on the nightstand when she goes to get ready for the day.
💔🧣💔
“Angie! I’m so sorry I’m late!” she called as she ran into the coffeeshop they had agreed to meet at. “I um, I-”
“Overslept?” Angie offered. She saw her friend’s glistening eyes, and knew that wasn’t the answer. But she knew better than to mention it, or to press.
“Yeah. My alarms messed up. Sorry.” It was an easier excuse than “I couldn’t get out of bed.”
“Don’t mention it, Mia. It’s good to see you.” She pulled her into a tight hug once they were in line. “How are you holding up?”
Mia dug through her purse to find her wallet, flipping past old receipts, her sunglasses case, and everything else cluttering it. She clutched the fraying wallet, toying with the zipper. They were at the front of the line now.
“I’m okay,” she said to Angie, then quickly looked at the barista. “Can I get a large ma- uh, hazelnut latte?” The barista nodded, typing in her order. “And whatever she’s getting.”
“Mia…” Angie protested.
“You got me last time. It’s only fair. I don’t mind,” Mia told her, stepping to the side.
Angie rolled her eyes, then stepped forward to order. Mia paid, and went to the hand-off plane to wait for their drinks while Angie went to the bathroom. The coffeeshop was cold; she wrapped her jacket tighter around herself as she looked at the signs and art on the walls. There was one advertising their new latte; an edition to the menu that she hadn’t seen many other places.
💔🧣💔
He held the door open for her, laughing as they walked in.
“I’m just saying, they had every right to be mad at you!” she said.
“Okay, but honking twice? That feels excessive,” he defended.
“Just admit you deserved it!”
“I will admit no such thing.” He took her hand as they looked at the menu. “Do you know what you want?”
“Um, probably just my usual. Vanilla latte.”
He scoffed. “I take you all the way out here, and you just get a vanilla latte?”
“Alright, Mr. Bigshot. What would you get?” She crossed her arms, raising her eyebrows at him.
“Maple latte. Only place I’ve found them.”
“Maple?” she asked. “Maple belongs on pancakes and that’s it.”
“Okay, first off, maple belongs on anything, so jot that down. Second, just trust me.” He walked up to the counter, leaving her behind. “Two medium maple lattes, please.”
She walked to him and stood behind him at the counter. “I can order for myself, you know.”
“Just try it, please? I know you’ll like it.” He looked at her pleadingly.
She rolled her eyes. “Because you have such good taste, right?”
He finished paying and they grabbed a table to wait. “Of course I do. I’m dating you, right?”
She smiled, taking his hand. He jumped up shortly after once their order was called, and brought both drinks over to the table. He watched her while she took a sip.
“I hate it when you’re right,” she said. He burst out laughing, holding his stomach as his laughter filled the small shop. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him.
💔🧣💔
“Mia? Mia! Your latte is getting cold,” Angie said, grabbing her shoulder. Mia shook her head and grabbed the mug next to her name.
“Right, sorry,” she said, taking a sip.
“Where did you go? Took me ages to get your attention. You looked… I don’t know. Lost? Something like that.”
“It was nothing,” Mia said. She walked into the seating area, not checking to see if Angie was behind her. “Just lost in a daydream. Don’t worry about it.”
“Well, I am worried about you.” Angie sat at the table across from Mia, her drink hitting the table a little harder than she meant it to. “Sorry,” she said when Mia flinched. Mia grabbed a few napkins from the dispenser on their table and handed them to Angie, who used them to wipe up the spilled liquid.
“It’s just a breakup. It’s… I’m not the first person to go through one.” She shrugged, running her thumb along the smooth porcelain of her mug. “It’s whatever.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt, or talk about it. The way you looked at him… I’ve never seen you like that.” Angie fidgeted with the napkins, wiping up the spill that wasn’t there anymore.
Mia looked out the window, blinking rapidly. She took another sip of her latte, wincing when she drank too fast. “I don’t need reminding of that. I was there.”
“I know. I just-”
“Just drop it, okay?” Mia snapped. “I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t.” She looked down at the table, taking in a deep breath she held until she knew she could release it without tears.
“Fine.” Angie took another sip of her drink, looking around the coffeeshop. Anywhere but at her friend. “Have you started your classes yet?”
Mia smiled. “They start next week! I have a creative writing class I’m really excited about. The professor is supposedly a jerk, but really clever. Aren’t they all?”
Angie laughed. “I have had a few like that, yes. My advisor just told me about a class I have to take to graduate on time, but it’s only offered this semester! Like, hello? You couldn’t have told me this during registration? Ugh! I had to email the professor and beg her to let me into the damn class.”
“And did she?”
“Yes, thankfully. One less headache.” She rolled her eyes.
The conversation flowed easily between them for the rest of the hour as they sat finishing their drinks. They returned the mugs and left as the shop started to get more crowded. Mia walked with Angie to the bus stop, and waited with her until it came. After a quick hug, Angie boarded the bus and Mia turned the corner to walk home.
It was just a short way to the walk-up apartment she shared with two friends. She made the trek in silence, barely registering where she was until she had to dig her keys out of her purse. Her phone vibrated as she walked in; a text from Angie.
Hey! It was good to see you. Sorry for pushing earlier about the breakup stuff. Just know I’m here for you, okay? Anyways, text me when you’re home safe! Love you.
Mia sighed, walking down the hall to her bedroom as she typed a response. Just got in. Good to see you. Love you, too. She hit “send,” then started an instrumental playlist, turned her phone to “do not disturb” mode, and tossed it on her bed.
Her notebook was still on her desk where she had left it the previous night. The pages were still empty, her pen still on the floor where she had thrown it in frustration after too long begging and searching for words that just wouldn’t come. She sat down at her desk again, picked up her pen, and closed her eyes, searching for the words she so desperately needed to write.
The pages remained empty.
💔🧣💔
Mia hadn’t really planned to come to this open mic night, but her professor swore it would give her some ideas. Or at least some new people to brainstorm with. And the extra credit couldn’t hurt, if her last test score was any indication. Regardless, she felt so awkward. The event was held in the basement of a local bookstore, and twinkling lights were strung everywhere. There was a small stage at the front of the room, and rows of mismatched folding chairs facing it. She stood near the refreshment table, nursing a bottle of water as she scanned the room.
Everyone here seemed to know everyone else, and she was stuck watching tight circles of people that looked so much cooler than her in her floral dress, while she stood alone, waiting for the readings to begin.
“God, I always feel so weird at these things,” a voice next to her said. Mia looked to her right, and saw a guy she had noticed earlier. Like her, he had also come alone. Like her, he hadn’t spoken to anyone here. Until now.
“Uh, I wouldn’t know. To be honest, this is my first time at an open mic night,” she confessed, setting her drink down on a nearby table.
“Seriously? Man, I love them. How have you never been?”
“My, uh, my hometown didn’t really do them. Or much of anything, really. I just moved here a couple of weeks ago for classes, and my professor said-”
“Oh, you’re at the university? I loved my time there. I went for writing. Hence, my presence on the performers list.”
“I’m in the writing program, too!” Mia exclaimed, excited to meet someone else in her program. Then she realized what else he had said. “Wait, performers list? You’re reading tonight?”
He smiled, and grabbed the program from his back pocket. “Of course I am. Listed right here.” He pointed to his name on the list.
“David Harrison?” Mia asked.
“That’s me. And you are?”
“I’m Mia.” She held out her hand for him to shake, and he did, holding eye contact longer than strictly necessary.
“Great to meet you,” she added.
“Likewise,” he said, looking around the room. He waved to a few people, but none came over to speak with him.
“So what year are you?” she asked, trying to grab his attention back.
“What? Oh, I’m not in school anymore. I graduated a few years back. I’ve been freelancing for this one company since. Feels a bit sell-outty, but gotta pay the bills somehow. I work on my novel when I can. How about you?”
“Oh, um. I don’t really have any projects I’m working on right now.”
He laughed. “No, darling. I meant what year in school are you?”
Mia flushed, staring down at the ground. “Oh, right!” She giggled. “I’m a third year. Just transferred from a community college.”
“All right, everyone!” a tall woman called from the stage. “We’re about to begin, so please take your seats!”
“That’s my cue,” David said with a little bow. “I’ll see you after, okay?” he added with a wink.
Mia could only nod.
“Great. Can’t wait.” he gave her shoulder a squeeze, then headed to the stage with the rest of the performers.
Mia stumbled to a seat near the back, grabbing a program on the way. She was going to want to remember this.
💔🧣💔
Mia hovered near the bottom of the staircase that led to the bookstore’s exit. She was trying to look like she wasn’t waiting for him, but was sure it was obvious. The last reading had been half an hour ago, but others were still milling about. Many people had already left, and the plate she had filled with fruit and cheese cubes as an excuse to stay was almost empty. It was already late, and she knew she had writing to do before class tomorrow. She forgot all of that when she made eye contact with David across the room.
He smiled at her, and she smiled back. He made his way across the room to her, stopping along the way to say “hi” to a few people.
“Hey! You stayed!” he said when he got to her.
“Yeah,” Mia said, holding up her plate of cracker crumbs and grape stems. “I couldn’t pass up the free food. Dinner of champions.”
He laughed, and Mia beamed. “I remember those days. Even the best campus food gets old after a while.”
“One can only eat so many pizzas and sandwiches,” she agreed, tossing her plate in the nearby trash can.
“So what did you think?”
“I loved it!” Mia gushed. “You had such beautiful imagery.”
“Eh, I try. But thanks!” He moved closer to her, lightly brushing her arm with his when he stopped next to her and leaned against the wall.
“You’re welcome.”
“So, I gotta get going. But I really liked chatting with you. Maybe we could meet up again? Could I get your number?”
Mia blushed, and nodded. He pulled out his phone, opened a new contact, and handed it to Mia. She filled in her information, adding an emoji heart next to her name before handing it back.
“Alright, Mia. Well, I guess this means I’ll be seeing you soon.” He tucked his phone into his back pocket.
“I hope so. Bye!”
“See ya, darling,” David said, before turning to jog up the stairs.
Mia stood for a moment, committing the moment to memory. She couldn’t stop smiling.
💔🧣💔
When Mia walked through her apartment door later that night, her roommate Maya was in the kitchen finishing up the dishes.
“Hey, Maya!” Mia said as she slid off her boots.
“Mia! How was the thing?” Maya asked, turning off the water and drying her hands on the towel.
“Uh, it was good. Thanks for knocking out the dishes. I kept forgetting.
“No problem. I just cooked a bunch, so figured I might as well.”
“Still, much appreciated. One less thing to worry about…” She set her boots on top of the shoe rack and hung her purse on the hook. Maya stared at her for a moment, leaving the room silent.
“Did something happen? You look… I don’t know. Different,” she finally asked.
Mia smiled, blushing. “Um, I think I met someone.” She ducked her head, using the excuse of adjusting her boots on the shoe rack.
“No way! Tell me everything.” Maya left the kitchen and grabbed Mia’s hand to pull her to the couch.
Mia laughed, flopping on the couch with her best friend since middle school. “What do you want to know?”
Maya lightly wacked her with a pillow. “I said ‘everything,’ did I not?”
Mia nodded, admitting defeat. “Okay, okay. I get it. Uh, his name’s David. He was one of the readers tonight.”
“Ooh, he’s a writer, too? Gonna be a writing dream team. Oh, maybe your kids…”
“Maya, chill girl! We just met.”
“Which is how all great love stories begin! Is he cute?”
“Very. Black hair, just long enough to be shaggy. Eyes so green they hurt to look at a little. He was tall, too.”
“Not sure what you’re knocking me down for. I hear wedding bells!” She gave Mia’s hand a squeeze.
Mia rolled her eyes. “Chill, babe. We just talked. Flirted a little. I gave him my number. I’m not sure if anything will come of it. He’s probably already forgotten.”
“Oh, quit being such a downer! You’re awesome and you know any guy would be lucky to have you. How old is he?”
“Uh. Well.”
“Mia?”
“I’m not sure. Older, definitely.” Mia shrugged. “He mentioned being out of college for a few years.”
“Oh.” Maya looked away, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.
“What?”
“Well, are you sure an age gap like that is a good idea?” Maya asked, resting her hand on Mia’s knee.
“I don’t think it’ll matter too much in the long run. But like I said, I doubt anything will come of it. No big deal.”
“Well, just be careful, Mia. But I’m sure it’s no big deal. Still perfect for romance!” Maya said as she got off the couch to head back to the kitchen.
Just then, Mia’s phone buzzed with a text. She pulled out her phone to check the message from a number she didn’t recognize. But the text of the message made her giggle. It was great seeing you tonight. I hope our paths cross again. Preferably as soon as possible.
“Is that him?” Maya asked. Mia didn’t answer, still smiling at her screen, reading the words over and over again. She was focused on saving his number, and trying to decide how to respond. “‘No big deal,’ my ass,” Maya muttered.
💔🧣💔
“Mia? Mia, love?” Maya called through her door, pulling Mia out of her thoughts. She quickly glanced towards the door.
“Sorry, Maya! Earbuds in. What’s up?”
“Julie and I just ordered pizza, and we were gonna watch some old MTV shows. Wanna join?”
Mia grimaced. “I can’t. I have a lot of homework.”
“You need to eat, Mia. Just one episode?”
“I can’t, okay? Sorry.” It came out a little more desperate than she meant it to. Maya must have gotten the hint because she didn’t say anything else. Shortly after, Mia heard the TV start, and sighed. Any other time she would’ve loved to join them, but it was just too much today.
After staring at her empty notebook for a few more minutes, she shoved it aside and pulled out her Spanish textbook instead. Crumbled pages with no more than a few sentences each littered the floor around her.
💔🧣💔
Mia flipped a page in her book, arriving at the start of the next chapter. She closed it, studying the cover again. It was a book she had to read for class, and wasn’t sure if she liked it yet. Or what to discuss for her paper on it. She was about to ask David for help when he spoke first.
“Oh, hey. I just remembered, I’m not gonna be able to make it to your roommate’s party next month. My friends invited me to their cabin upstate,” he said. They were lounging on Mia’s bed, with her head in his lap. He played with her hair as he spoke.
Mia sat up, turning to look at him. “What? You promised you’d be there!” Her eyebrows knitted in confusion as she spoke. She tossed the book to the foot of her bed.
“Come on babe, don’t whine about it.” He scoffed. “I just barely get to see them.”
“You barely see me,” Mia argued.
“Well you’re busy with classes! I see you when I can. Like now,” he said, reaching for her hand. She hesitated, but pulled away.
“I just… I miss you,” Mia said, crossing her arms. “I wish you’d follow through. You did promise, after all.”
“David sighed. “I know, I know.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s supposed to be a writers’ retreat. I’ve been feeling so stuck lately. It’ll be good for me to go.”
“I guess so,” Mia said, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her arms on them. She heard David sigh again.
“Mia? I’m sorry. I’m trying to balance here. I don’t want to blow you off.”
“Then why are you?” She lifted her head to look at him.
“That’s not fair.”
“Well, neither is you picking your friends ov-”
“God! Mia! Will you stop?” David got off the bed and began to pace the small room. Mia stayed where she was, pressing her face into her knees again. She blinked furiously, trying to stop the tears threatening to fall. David stopped when he heard her sniffle.
“Mia, darling. I’m sorry.” he walked to the bed, sitting next to her and wrapping his arms around her. She didn’t pull away, but didn’t lean into him like she normally would have. “It’s not fair, and I shouldn’t be yelling at you. I want to see you, but I also want to see my friends. It’s frustrating. I need more hours in the day.” He let out a small chuckle, and moved to kiss the top of her head.
“I just want you to make the time,” Mia said. “And to keep your promises.”
“I’m trying. That’s just the only weekend that works for everyone else. Otherwise, we can’t go until after Christmas. I think.”
“I get it,” Mia shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. They both fell silent, with David running his hands along Mia’s back while she fidgeted with her fingers.
“Why don’t you come with me? David suggested.
“What?”
“Come with me!” David got up again, excited now. “It’ll be great! The leaves will be changing, and it’s already gorgeous up there. You gotta see it! There’s plenty of room for you in the cabin. We’ll write all day and hang out at night. They’d love to get to know you! We can even head up a day early to spend more time together and explore the area.”
“I can’t! I have class.” Mia straightened out, her legs stretched in front of her as she propped herself up on her arms.
“So? Ditch it. A day or two of missed class won’t matter.”
“I…” Mia sighed. “My dad will kill me if I go out of town for a full weekend with a guy he doesn’t know.”
“Please. You’re an adult.”
“Barely. And still.”
“Okay. How about I meet him next weekend?”
“Wait, seriously?”
“I want to. If you’re ready.”
Mia smiled. “I think he’d really like that. And so would I.”
David jumped on the bed, kneeling next to Mia’s thighs. “So?” he asked.
“So, what?”
“So come upstate with me. Nice cabin, weather just cold enough to make it cozy, pretty lake, romantic fire…” as he spoke, he leaned in closer, staring into her eyes until their noses brushed.
“You make compelling points…”
David kissed her nose. “Well?”
“I guess I have to say yes,” Mia said, giggling. David grinned, then quickly moved to pin her arms by her side and throw one of his legs over hers, so he was resting on top of her. Mia fell back, laughing as he peppered kisses all over her neck, jaw, and cheeks.
“Are you for real?” Mia asked as he slowed, his mouth caressing her jaw.
“I’m all in, baby,” he said, as his lips traveled lower.
💔🧣💔
Mia jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Sorry. But the food’s burning,” Julie said, pointing to the pan on the stove. Mia groaned, turning the heat down as she hastily flipped the pancakes she was making. Two of them were salvageable, but she huffed when realizing the first one was more black than golden brown. She extracted it from the pan and tossed it on the “discard” pile, then added more batter to the pan and willed herself to focus.
“Do you want me to take over?” Maya asked, looking up from her laptop.
“No, I got it.” Mia shrugged. “I just zoned out. Lost in my thoughts.”
Julie gave a sympathetic smile. “Want to talk about it?”
“Yes.” She paused, watching the batter bubble in the pan. “No.” She sighed. “I don’t know. I just… I miss him. A lot. That’s all.”
Julie opened her mouth to respond about the ex-boyfriend she had never approved of, then thought better of that after seeing Mia’s face. She shared a look with Maya, then quickly wrapped her arms around Mia.
“Well,” Maya said after a moment. “Party is in two weeks. Let’s plan. Julie: status of the food?”
“Sandwiches and chips ordered. Guests instructed to BYOB. Or ‘s.’ Soda,” she added when Mia looked confused. “Cookie recipes have been selected; I’ll need $10 each from both of you for the ingredients by Monday.”
“Awesome. Thanks, Jules. Mia?”
“What?” She concentrated on removing two of the pancakes and flipping the newest, then adding more batter.
“Music? Decorations?”
Mia sighed. “Maya, I’m sorry. I said I’m not up for it this year.”
“You bailed last year! You don’t get to this year,” Julie piped in.
“I think it would be good for you,” Maya said, trying a gentler approach.
“Please?” Julie added. “We miss you.” Maya nodded in agreement. Mia bit her lip.
“Fine.” Maya and Julie cheered. “But I won’t have any fun.”
“Sounds like a challenge,” Julie said, laughing. She kissed Mia on the cheek, and Mia chuckled.
Maya typed a few things, then closed the laptop. “Now, are those pancakes ready yet? I’m starved.”
💔🧣💔
The air had just gotten a chill, the leaves starting to flash a rainbow of colors. David said it would be fun, a small road trip upstate to see the leaves, to work on some projects without other distractions. And it had been wonderful, singing along to a playlist and making plans. Until he got a phone call from his boss that turned his mood sour. Mia had been trying to think of anything else while he stared straight ahead at the road. His hand kept inching towards hers on the center console, but he always pulled it back. Their playlist had long since ended, but neither was going to change it. The silence was deafening.
“I think we should pull off here, take a break. I need gas, anyway,” he said, merging into the exit lane.
“Okay,” she muttered, tugging at her sleeves.
He sighed. “I know a great little coffee shop around here, too.”
“I don’t want anything.”
“Well, it’s not always about you!” he yelled, slamming on the brakes at the light at the end of the ramp. The car behind them honked. She flinched, then rapidly blinked back tears.
“Babe, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t… you know what an ass my boss is. I didn’t mean to yell. I’m sorry.”
She stared straight ahead, while he looked at her. “The light’s green,” she finally said.
“Shit,” he said, stepping on the gas as the car behind them honked again. “Goddamn, I’m going! Chill. God…”
She closed her eyes and shook her head, wiping away a few tears with the end of her sleeve. David pulled into a gas station, stopping in a space near the entrance and turning the car off. Mia opened her eyes when she heard her door open.
“Really, darling. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”
“Then why’d you say it?”
He reached into the car and rested his hand on her knee. She fought the urge to pull away. “Because I’m an ass,” he said.
“I don’t like it when you yell at me,” she said, struggling to look in his eyes.
“I know, I know. I shouldn’t have. I just… I wanna have a good time. I shouldn’t have let it get to me. Forgive me? Please?” She sighed. He kissed her hand. “Please?” He kissed her shoulder. “Please?” Her arm. “Please?” Her cheek, smiling when she erupted into a fit of giggles. “Please?”
“Fine. But… please don’t do it again?”
He smiled. “Promise.” Then he kissed her lips.
💔🧣💔
They arrived at the cabin first. No one else was expected until the next afternoon, so they had the place to themselves for the evening. David led her through the door and down the hall, stopping in front of one of the bedrooms.
“Go on in and set your stuff down. Unpack if you want. I’m going back to get some of the food,” David said, already halfway down the hall. He had seemed tense the rest of the drive, but kept insisting he was fine.
“Sure you don’t need my help?” Mia called after him. He didn’t respond, so she shrugged and opened the door. She shivered; it was freezing in the room. Dropping her bags on the bed, she dug through until she found an old sweatshirt of David’s and pulled it on over her thin sweater.
The room was small, but cozy. A window on the far wall overlooked the lake. Under it was a small desk with a simple chair, a bed barely big enough to fit two people on the perpendicular wall, and a dresser next to the door she had entered. She pulled her clothes out of the duffel bag and placed them in the dresser drawers, leaving a space for his things.
David walked back into the cabin, huffing as he hoisted the stuffed grocery bags onto the kitchen counter.
“Is that everything?” Mia asked, walking into the kitchen.
“Most of it. Left the water and beers in the trunk. Everyone else can do some heavy lifting,” he said, cracking a small smile. “The weather will keep it all cold enough.”
“I know,” Mia said, leaning against the counter with her arms crossed. David sighed.
“Just help me unload some of this, okay? We can get it into the fridge, then head outside to write. It’s beautiful down by the lake.”
“Isn’t it a little cold outside?” Mia reminded him.
“That’s why I have you to keep me warm,” he said, his smile growing wider. He emptied the contents of one of the bags into the refrigerator. Mia rolled her eyes, but smiled back and reached for a bag to help him unload.
After the bulk of the food was put away, Mia grabbed her notebook and pen, and David got his laptop and a blanket from the car. They followed a well-worn path from the cabin to the water’s edge. With the sun’s rays shining on them, it wasn’t as cold as Mia was worried it would be.
They lounged by the lake until night began to fall, occasionally writing but mostly talking, making out, or dozing off. Occasionally they read out loud to each other, giving criticism and compliments. As the sun set, Mia leaned into David, his arms wrapped around her as they admired the way the changing colors reflected off the water.
With the sun down, it was officially too cold, so they grabbed their stuff and headed back inside. David took everything back to their room, while Mia looked through the bags and pantry to find what she needed to make dinner. David walked into the kitchen as she began washing and peeling potatoes at the sink.
“What’s for dinner?” he asked.
“Potato soup,” she answered. “Perfect for a cold fall day. And we’ll have plenty of leftovers to share.”
“Sounds good. Any way I can help?”
“Start dicing those onions, please?” she asked, pointing with the peeler to the two onions resting on the cutting board.
“You just love to see a grown man cry, huh?” he asked, grabbing a knife and one of the onions. He moved the other out of the way before he began cutting the first one.
“Stay strong,” she said solemnly. He stared at her for a moment, then began working his way through the vegetables before they could start to irritate his eyes too much. Mia finished peeling the potatoes and grabbed the biggest pot she could find. It went on the stove and she turned the burner on, adding a generous amount of butter to the pot.
“Where are these going?” David asked, rapidly blinking. He was clearly trying not to rub his eyes.
“Add them to the pot with a little bit of salt.” She looked up, saw his red eyes, and laughed. “And then go outside. The cold and fresh air will help the eyes.”
“God, I hope you’re right,” he said, doing what he was told. Mia smiled when she heard the door shut, and began roughly chopping the potatoes. Once the onions had some color, she added some jarred, minced garlic to the pot and stirred it in, followed by the potato chunks and two cartons of vegetable stock.
“Feeling better?” Mia called as David came back in. He laughed.
“Yes. You are a genius. And it smells great in here, babe,” he said as he entered the kitchen and looked in the pot.
“Thanks. Old family recipe, handed down for generations.”
He nodded. “Found it on some food blog?”
“Always,” she agreed, laughing.
He kissed her. “So now what?”
“Now we wait,” Mia said, going to grab a drink. David met her at the refrigerator, wrapping his arms around her. She put the bottle back on the shelf, turning back to face him.
“Can I help you?” she asked, kissing his cheek with a giggle.
“What did you have in mind?” he asked, his lips trailing her jaw as he began to gently sway with her.
“I’m sure we can think of a few things,” she said, growing breathless. His lips moved to hers as her arms wrapped tighter around his waist, pulling him closer.
“I’m so glad you could come this weekend,” he said when the kiss broke. “I love having you here.”
💔🧣💔
“Mia! How was the trip?” Maya asked when she heard the door open.
Mia sighed, not sure what to say. “It was… cool. How was the party?”
“Fine. Don’t change the subject. I heard that sigh. And the pause. What happened?” Julie asked from the couch. She had a half-full trash bag next to her. There were still plenty of cans, cups, and cupcake wrappers littering the table and floor. Maya nodded from the kitchen, leaning against the counter with a mug of coffee in her hand.
Mia sighed again, dropping her bags on the ground and shrugging off her coat. “Fine. It was weird!” she finally said, knocking off her boots to leave by the door. “The drive up, he was having fun and we were talking and I thought he might… something pissed him off and he turned on me. But he was fine later, and the first night was good. He was so open, and loving… and then his damn friends arrived.”
“Wait, what happened with them?” Julie prodded.
“I thought you were excited to meet them,” Maya added.
“I was, but he’s just so… different with them. He barely paid attention to me. I could barely talk to them. They always seemed to find some way to talk down to me, like I was just a little kid.”
“He didn’t stick up for you at all?” Maya asked.
Mia laughed, bitterly. “He practically encouraged it. I said I hadn’t read whatever book they were talking about, something in French or whatever. And he rolled his eyes and told me to check my class’s reading list. I just… he’s never spoken to me like that before.”
Maya and Julie exchanged a look. “What?” Mia asked through gritted teeth.
“Well,” Maya began. “He does seem to have a way of belittling you. Like, when he was looking through your books and called them childish. Or laughed at that concert we all went to last month. He’s always seemed a bit… pretentious.”
“And that’s the nice way to say it,” Julie said with a scoff. Maya shot her a look, and she shrugged. Mia opened her mouth to argue, but couldn’t quite begin. “Sorry, babe. But you’ve got love blinders on. They’re slipping, and you’re seeing another side of him than you first saw.” She stood up and walked to Mia, taking her hand. “You know I love you and want to see you happy. But are you sure David’s right for you? He shouldn’t be putting you down like that. And you shouldn’t be putting up with it.”
“Julie…” Maya chastised.
“Mia, I’m sorry. I know it’s harsh. You just… deserve someone who’s gonna laugh with you. Not at you.”
“It’s not like that. All relationships have faults,” Mia said, yanking her hand away. “I love him.”
“But does he love you?” Maya asked.
Mia stood, looking between both her friends. After a moment, she bent down to pick up her bags. “I have to unpack,” she said as she darted back to her room. Maya went to follow her, but Julie stopped her. She shrugged, then grabbed the trash bag again and started gathering more stuff. Maya shrugged, then got her own bag to help.
Mia slammed her door, throwing her duffel bag against it and herself on her bed, burying her face in her pillow. She wanted to forget what they said, and David’s actions that weekend. They couldn’t be right; he couldn’t have always been like that. Her memories had to match the truth. Meeting his family, their trips together, charming her father, the way he looked at her, the words he claimed to write for her. Had it all been a lie?
💔🧣💔
The snow started to fall harder, and it had gotten far too cold to sit out on the balcony, so they went back inside. David sat on the couch and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels too fast to really catch what was on. Mia went to the kitchen and came back with two cans, one of which she handed to him. He took it without looking at her, running his nails over the tab. Mia shrugged and sat down next to him, opening her own can and taking a sip.
“What are we watching?” she asked, gesturing at the TV.
“Not sure.” He leaned forward, still rapidly flipping through the channels.
“Can you even see what’s on at that pace?” She rolled her eyes.
David stopped channel surfing, leaving on some random sitcom neither of them recognized. It played for a few moments until he switched it off as the laugh track played. “Not really,” he muttered in the silence that followed.
“I bet we can think of something to do,” Mia said, setting her drink down on the coffee table. She stretched her legs over his lap and leaned in for a kiss. He turned his head at the last second so she just got his cheek.
Mia scoffed, untangling herself from him and moving to the far side of the couch. “Okay, what is up? We haven’t seen each other in like, a month and you’ve barely looked at me since we got back from dinner. Talk to me.”
David sighed, setting his unopened can down next to Mia’s. “I’m sorry; I just have to tell you something and I… I don’t know how.”
Mia moved closer to him, resting her hand on his knee. “Oh. I didn’t realize how upset you were. You can tell me anything. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s me, not you.”
Mia let out a nervous chuckle. “Wait, why does that sound like some lame, cliche…” she trailed off. David stood up, causing her hand to fall to her side. “Babe, you’re scaring me.”
He turned to face her. “I think we need to break up.”
Mia swallowed, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion. It felt like the wind had gotten knocked out of her and her lungs had forgotten how to work. “What?” she finally managed.
David sat next to her, reaching for her hand. She numbly pulled away before he touched her. “Mia, I’m sorry. You’re so special to me. But this.. It’s not working out. I do - really care about you. We’re just too different, at different stages of life. I just don’t think we’d work out in the long-”
“Please stop,” Mia interrupted him. “Okay, but you knew all of that from the start. Now it’s suddenly a problem?” She crossed her arms.
“It was always a problem,” he said quietly, staring at the ground.
Mia felt her eyes brim with tears. “So you were just stringing me along? Lying to me? Playing with some dumb kid until someone better came along?”
“It wasn’t like that. That wasn’t my intention!”
“I don’t give a shit about your intentions! I care about your fucking actions!” She stood up, throwing her arms out in exasperation.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t cry,” he said, when he heard her sniffle.
“Don’t tell me what to do!” she yelled, darting down the hall to his room to grab her bag. David stood up, meeting her halfway to the door.
“I don’t want it to end like this. Darling, please stay and we can talk it out.”
“God, I always hated when you called me that. I have nothing else to say. You’re the one who fucked this up. Now let me leave.”
“Mia, it’s late and it’s practically a blizzard out there. It’s not safe.”
“Why the hell would I stay here? I’ll figure it out. Move.” Shoving past him, she ripped her coat off the coat rack. She felt a hollow sense of joy when the force knocked it to the ground, spilling clothes everywhere. Her shoes left a dusty footprint on his favorite jacket.
“At least let me call you a cab, then. Or something,” he pleaded.
“I don’t want anything else from you. Goodbye, David,” she said, throwing the door open and practically running to the stairs.
“Mia, wait!” he called after her, standing in his doorway. She didn’t stop or turn around, but he watched her go until the stairwell door slammed shut behind her. He sighed, going back into the apartment. The coat rack was still on the ground, various jackets and scarves scattered around it. He stood it back up, adjusting it until the legs matched the dents in his carpet. He moved as if in slow motion, placing each garment carefully back on the hooks. Finally, he picked up the jacket. He brushed off most of the footprint, but a thin outline remained. One scarf that wasn’t his was left on the floor.
💔🧣💔
Mia distributed the water bottles she was carrying amongst the group that was lounging around the living room. Angie had taken over the loveseat, her legs thrown over one arm and her head against the other. Maya and Julie were on the longer couch, leaning against each other, a blanket thrown over their laps. They took the bottles gratefully. Mia settled on the floor, leaning against the loveseat.
“Ugh, my head,” Mia complained, closing her eyes as she rolled the cold bottle on her forehead.
“I told you to pace yourself,” Mia said with a small laugh.
“Shh,” Angie said, rolling over to face the others. “You’re practically shouting.”
Julie rolled her eyes. “Can’t be that bad, guys.”
Maya and Angie just shushed her again. Mia exchanged a look with her and laughed, drawing groans and glares from the other two. Mia stood up when she heard the doorbell ring.
“Don’t worry; reinforcements have arrived.” She opened the door to let the deliverer in, who was carrying a bag of breakfast burritos, another of muffins, and, most importantly, a tray of lattes. Mia took the tray, while Julie got up and took the bags. She set the tray down, tipped the worker, and they left.
“I smell food,” Maya said without opening her eyes.
“Yes, yes,” Mia said with a smile. “Perfect food to nurse a hangover. Wanna start with a muffin or a burrito?”
“Yes,” Maya mumbled. Julie grabbed one of the burritos and a blueberry muffin, put both on a plate, and brought them to Maya with one of the vanilla lattes.
“Here ya go, princess,” she said, adding a slight mocking tone on the last word. She set the food on the coffee table in front of her, kissed her forehead, then went back to get her own food.
“Thanks babe!” Maya said with a big smile. She immediately unwrapped the burrito and took a big bite, only slightly burning her mouth in the process. Julie sighed and grabbed one for herself, then sat back down on the couch with it and a latte.
Angie shuffled over to the table and sat next to Mia, who was picking at one of the coffee cake muffins. She grabbed one for herself and unwrapped it, breaking off pieces with her fingers to eat. Mia handed her one of the lattes.
“Caramel. Your fave,” she said, setting it down on the coaster in front of her.
“God, you’re a lifesaver,” she said, immediately taking a sip.
“Thought we could all use an extra shot today,” Mia explained.
“And a genius,” Angie concluded. “So. Did you enjoy the party?”
Mia smiled in spite of herself; it had been fun. They started throwing the party a few years back, right around midterms to give everyone a chance to blow off some steam. Mia wasn’t normally one for big parties, but she loved seeing everyone.
“Yes, it was fun. I’m glad I-”
“Told you you’d have fun!” Julie interrupted from the couch.
“Did you think you wouldn’t?” Angie asked.
“Well-”
“She was worried about the asshole I won’t bother naming ruining it for her,” Julie answered for her.
“Jules, will you let me live?” Mia asked, laughing.
“It’s good to see you out and about,” Angie said, pulling her attention back. “I’ve been worried about you.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I just… needed some time. I felt so paralyzed for a while there.”
Angie reached out and squeezed her hand. “We got you, babe. Anytime.”
“Hell yeah,” Maya mumbled, drawing laughter from everyone.
“Come on, let’s start cleaning up. This place is a mess.” Angie stood up and gathered their trash into a garbage bag she grabbed from the kitchen.
“Ugh, labor,” Mia said, standing up and grabbing her own bag, plus two more. “Come on, sleepyhead,” she said, nudging Maya and setting the bags next to her and Julie. They worked in silence for a bit, gathering the mess the party had left behind. Eventually, Maya and Mia were in the kitchen together, cleaning the serving bowls and plates while Angie swept and Julie took the trash bags down.
“So you’re really okay?” Maya asked.
“Well, I think ‘okay’ is a lot right now. I still miss him. And wish something could’ve worked out. But I do feel better. I just wish I didn’t have all these memories still.”
“Well, they’ll help you know better next time.”
“You mean next time I decide to ignore all my friends’ warnings and go for a guy totally wrong for me?”
Maya swatted her with the towel. “Details, details. We’re all stupid sometimes.”
“Now I’m going to try to forget you called me stupid.”
Maya laughed. “Not like that, babe! Not like that!”
“I know, I know. Still. I just… there was so much bad, but I have all these good memories of him. Memories I know aren’t really real, even if the actions were, because his motives were…” she trailed off, lost in thought.
“Mia?” Maya asked. She didn’t get a response. “Mia? Wait. I know that look.” Mia gave her a sheepish grin. “Fine. Go write.”
“Thank you!” Mia said, giving her a kiss on the cheek before darting off.
“You’re cleaning the bathrooms after this!” Maya yelled after her.
Mia ran into her room, closing the door a little harder than she meant to in her haste. She grabbed her notebook and the first pen she saw, flipping past pages of crossed-out attempts until she got to a blank one. Finally, her words were flowing again.
💔🧣💔
“Babe, stop fidgeting! Everything looks fine,” David said, placing his hand over hers. She had been adjusting the silverware on the table, trying to get it as straight as possible.
“I know; I’m sorry. It’s just a nervous habit,” she responded, pulling her hand from his and burying her face in her hands.
“Hey, hey,” he said, grabbing her shoulders. “It’s going to go great. What’s there to be nervous about?”
She groaned. “What if the food sucks?” she asked, trying to pull away.
“You’re a great cook and you’ve done this recipe dozens of times before. Next.” He pulled her closer.
She smiled, dropping her hands around his waist. “What if I trip and drop everything?”
“Then I dash to save it and we all admire my mad skills. Or we check you’re alright, laugh, and order a pizza. Come on. What’s really bothering you?”
Mia shrugged, pulling her arms back to her sides. David took one hand in his and used the other to gently rest on her cheek, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She sighed.
“What if he doesn’t like you? Or doesn’t think you’re right for me?”
David smiled. “I’ll turn on the charm! Don’t worry. Anyone could see I’m crazy for you. Of course we’re right for each other.
Mia closed her eyes, resting her forehead against his. “I just… I’m not sure this was a good idea. My dad’s never met one of my boyfriends before.”
David pulled back, tilting her face up to look at him. “Hey, I’m sure about us. Everything else we’ll just have to figure it out as it comes.” He kissed her lips. “And besides, parents adore me.”
Mia rolled her eyes. “I bet you say that to all the girls.”
“Only the really pretty ones,” he said with a wink.
Mia blushed, looking down at the ground. David kissed the top of her head, and then her lips again when she looked up. The doorbell rang just as his hands slid to her waist, and he reluctantly pulled back.
“He’s here!” Mia said, jumping back and heading towards the door. “Oh! He’ll probably tell you to just call him Sean, but start with Mr. Strong to be safe. Please.”
“Yeah, yeah. I got it,” David agreed, walking down to the hall to the bathroom. Mia watched him go, then opened the door to let her father in.
💔🧣💔
Sean threw his head back in laughter, his beer bottle slamming to the table. “No way, Dave! That could not happen.”
David shrugged, a bashful smile on his lips. “Except to me, of course. Right bar, wrong location. Ended up crashing some poor old bastard’s retirement party.” He cringed. “Oops, guy’s. Some poor guy’s retirement party.”
Sean gave a dismissive wave. “Don’t worry about it. We’re all adults here.” He smiled at Mia, who had been following their conversation without much to add. She smiled back, reaching for David’s hand across the table.
“They said I did a mean chicken dance that night,” David said, pulling his hand back and flapping his arms like wings, as if to demonstrate. Sean laughed again as Mia forced a smile. He took another sip from his bottle, finishing it off. He stood up.
“Well, it’s getting pretty late,” he said, gathering a few of the bottles on the table. “I should get going; let you two get on with your evening without an old man dragging you down.”
“Dad, no! We love having you here,” Mia protested. She took the bottles from him and set them back down on the table.
David stood up. “Why don’t you walk him out, babe, and I’ll start cleaning up?”
Mia threw him a grateful look. “That sounds great. Thanks.”
David nodded, then turned to Sean and held out his hand to shake. “It was great meeting you, sir.” They shook.
“You too, David. Make sure you take care of my little girl.”
“Dad!” Mia admonished, grabbing his coat and glaring at him.
“That’s all I’m trying to do,” David said, looking right at Mia. She ducked her head, her cheeks growing warm. “Now go! I got this.” He began gathering dishes as Mia and her father headed to the door. He grabbed his coat, pulling it on as Mia unlocked the door and led him out.
“It was great to see you, dad. Thanks for coming tonight,” she said once they were in the hall. They started down the stairs.
“Of course, darling. Had to meet the man stealing all your attention.”
Mia couldn’t hold back her smile. “I’m glad you met. He’s really important to me.” They had reached the bottom of the stairs, and were lingering by the door. She held out her arms for a hug.
“But not more important than your old man, right?”
Mia rolled her eyes, pulling back from the hug. “Never, dad.”
“Good. Well, it seems like he has a good head on his shoulders. I like this one.”
Mia smiled. “Me too, dad. Me too.”
💔🧣💔
Angie opened the door before Mia could get her key in the lock. “Babe! Happy birthday!” she cried.
“Thanks,” Mia said, forcing a smile. Julie and Maya greeted her with the same.
“Mia, is something wrong?” Angie asked. Except for the party playlist already playing on the speakers, the room was silent. “Wait, where’s David? I thought… oh.” She stopped when she saw the look on Maya’s face.
“He bailed? That fuck!” Julie exclaimed, squeezing the bag of chips she was holding. It burst, spilling chips all over the floor. “Sorry,” she muttered.
“I’m sorry, Mia. That sucks,” Maya told her, grabbing the broom for Julie.
“Well, I shouldn’t be surprised. God forbid he show up to anything important to me!” Mia said, throwing her purse on the ground.
“He’s not coming at all?” Angie asked.
“Why would he? He doesn’t want to hang out with a bunch of fucking kids.” She flopped on the couch, shoving her face in the cushion. Maya paused the music on her phone and looked at Julie and Angie. They both shrugged.
“He… did he really say that?” Maya asked, kneeling on the floor next to the couch. She rested her hand on Mia’s back.
“He might as well have. He never really hid the fact that he didn’t want to come. But he said he had some giant fucking deadline at work.” Her voice was muffled by the couch cushion, but they all heard the crack in it. Maya rubbed circles on her back. The only sound was Julie sweeping up the fallen chips.
“I’m sorry, Mia,” Angie finally said, fidgeting with the cups she had been stacking.
Mia sat up, causing Maya’s hand to fall. She sniffed, wiping her eyes. “It’s whatever. Who cares, right? It’s just a party.”
“Mia…” Maya began.
“No, stop. I don’t want to do this right now. I don’t have it in me.” She stared at the ground.
“Fine.” Maya stood up, and went back to the kitchen to gather drinks. After a few moments, she turned the music back on. It was a little louder than before.
“Mia?” Angie asked, sitting next to her on the couch.
“Can you help me fix my makeup?” Mia asked before Angie could say what was on her mind.
She nodded. “Of course. Lead the way.” Both women stood up.
“Thanks for setting up. But could you pick up the pace? People will start arriving soon. I’ll be out to help soon, if I can.”
Maya nodded, but she didn’t say anything.
“Sure thing, Mia,” Julie finally said, after a few tense moments.
“Come on, I’m turning 21! It’s supposed to be fun!” Mia said, looking around at everyone. They tried to ignore her glistening eyes, the note of hysteria in her voice.
“That’s just what your dad says. I barely remember mine,” Julie cracked. Maya glared at her.
“I’d love to forget this,” she muttered. Mia tried to ignore that comment.
“Come on, Mia! Contour won’t apply itself,” Angie said, hurrying her along before anything else could be said.
💔🧣💔
Mia sat on her bed, staring at the box she had just finished packing. It was full of stuff she couldn’t bear to look at anymore, not since he had ended things the previous night. Everything he had given her, every memento she saved, everything she wrote about him, all packed away. All the physical evidence of him, gone. Even if the mental still lingers.
When she met his family, it was an accident. She went to his apartment, ready for a date. He had lost track of time, or she was early; neither was sure of the actual cause. But his mom and sister were just getting ready to leave when she knocked on the door, and he insisted they all stay and get to know each other. Much to his embarrassment, his mother had childhood photos on her phone and loved showing them off. They spent the rest of the evening trading stories from the past. She treasured every photo, every memory they shared with her. Soon, she hoped, there would be plenty of stories for her to share.
He had a work party, and begged her to come. She blew off an assignment, hoping it would be a chance to network. And to see him; an increasingly rare feat lately. So while she hoped to be at his side all night, he all but ignored her; briefly introducing her as his “friend” before having conversations she didn’t know how to participate in. He didn’t seem to notice when she disappeared to the bathroom for 20 minutes and came back with red-rimmed eyes, complaining of a migraine. She walked home alone that night, falling asleep as soon as she got back. She slept through class the next day.
The early days may have been all they had, but so much was so good. The first night they spent upstate; what was meant to be a day trip turned overnight when the weather got worse than they expected. They stayed in his family’s small cabin, almost like it was planned. The power went out, and he started a fire in the fireplace. She found all the blankets she could and piled them in front of the flames. They burrowed together, holding each other close. That night was just for them; they couldn’t tell anyone. She fell in love then, but didn’t tell him. Not yet.
Her first time at his apartment was quick. He just had to get their tickets he had forgotten, the stubs she would keep. But they took awhile to find, and she spent the time memorizing his books, the photos he hung, the way he had it organized just so. It felt like a home. Just one he couldn’t seem to get her out of fast enough.
Yet another drive uptown, following winding roads through a rainbow of trees until they lost cell signal and their way. He pulled over at the nearest trail, ignoring their plan. It was beautiful, leaves like confetti falling around. Slightly off the trail, they found a fallen tree perfect for sitting on. He picked a leaf out of her hair before leaning in. He didn’t say it, but she could feel it. She saved the leaf, later pressing it between book covers so it wouldn’t be lost.
The day after her birthday party, a large bouquet of flowers arrived. They were long-stemmed roses in all kinds of colors, her favorite. They came with an apology note that she didn’t want to read. She almost threw the whole thing away, but something stopped her. They went on top of her dresser instead, until they slowly wilted away.
He had to check out some places upstate for work, and brought her along. They had spent most of the day in the car, driving from place to place, stopping at cheap diners and gas stations when they were hungry. She wasn’t sure why at the time, but she saved every candy wrapper, every receipt. Even the paper off her tray at one place was folded up and tucked into her purse when he went to the bathroom. At the last stop before home, they found a bunch of different machines that would give toys, stickers, jewelry, and so many other random things for a few quarters. He dug around in his bag for some coins to get her a necklace to commemorate the trip. She didn’t tell him she didn’t need reminders of it; every moment was already locked in her memory.
She quickly grabbed her roll of duct tape and sealed the box, shoving it under the bed until she heard it hit the wall on the far side. Yes, the memories always linger.
💔🧣💔
Mia jumped when she heard the door unlock. She looked down at the book she had been trying to read, sighing once she realized she hadn’t actually absorbed a lick of the text. She flipped back to the beginning of the chapter as Julie walked in.
“Oh, hey Mia! Didn’t expect to see you out here,” Julie greeted her, kicking off her shoes and hanging up her bag.
“Hey. Yeah, I just got tired of my room. Change of scenery, and all that. So how was work?”
“Ugh. customers are annoying.” Julie rolled her eyes, going into the kitchen to grab a snack.
Mia smiled. “Aren’t they always?”
Julie walked back into the living room and sat cross legged on the floor, across from Mia on the couch. She set the container of pineapple chunks and strawberries on the coffee table.
“Okay, yeah. That’s been established. But why be mad at me when things aren’t in stock? Sorry miss, I cannot magically make size two boyfriend jeans appear. Just order everything online like the rest of us.” She opened the container and speared a couple of chunks with her fork. “Like, it’s not on the rack. We’re not hiding them somewhere. It’s not a scavenger hunt,” she said around a mouthful of pineapple. Mia laughed. This was a common occurrence, and she had heard the particular rant many times.
“Maybe eventually they’ll learn,” she said, reaching for a strawberry and nibbling on it. She closed her book and set it to the side.
“Bold of you to assume they have the capability.” Julie sighed. “Anyway. How are you?”
“Stressed. The semester just started like, three weeks ago. How can I already have so much homework?”
“Because professors love to watch you suffer. I told you not to take Collins! You’ll be drawing in essays.”
“Yeah, yeah. I should always listen to my brilliant and talented roommate. Lesson learned.”
“And don’t you forget it!” Julie said, punching the air with her fork to punctuate her statement. It fell silent between them. Mia fiddled with the fringe on the blanket while Julie ate, not sure what to say. She was trying to think of a valid excuse to escape back to her room.
“So um.” Julie swallowed. “How are you, really? With everything else, I mean.”
Mia was grateful she didn’t say the name. “Fine, I guess. I miss him.” She tugged at the blanket.
“I know. I’m sorry, babe. It gets easier with time. That’s what I hear, anyway,” she added with an awkward laugh.
“He called me last night,” Mia admitted.
“He what?”
“He called me a few times. It happens a couple nights a week. Last time he called a few times, then left a voicemail. This time I only got one call and one voicemail.”
“Fucking punk,” Julie muttered. “Why haven’t you blocked him?”
Mia shrugged, then hugged her knees to her chest. “I deleted it. I can’t block him; I can't deal with that much right now.
Julie snorted, then held out her hand. “I can! Hand over your phone; I’ll block him.”
Mia huffed, a small smile on her lips. “I wish it was that easy.”
Julia gave her a sympathetic smile while packing up her food. “Did you listen to it?” Mia shook her head, letting the room grow quiet. Julie brought her stuff to the kitchen, then sat down in the armchair.
“I know what he said, though. He’s been texting me, too. He says he misses me.”
“Of course he does. You’re amazing.
“Thanks. Not the point. He wants to go back, and pretend like the last three months didn’t happen. But they did! I never wanted to hear he loves me after we’re long dead and buried. God, you all tried to tell me.”
“It doesn’t matter, Mia. He was good at hiding it.”
“Doesn’t mean I had to fall for it. Or him.”
Julie got off the chair and sat next to Mia, wrapping her arms around her. “I know, I know.” Mia leaned into the hug, burying her face in the crook of Julie’s arm. Eventually, she pulled back.
“Hey, let me get changed and we’ll watch some cheesy TV,” Julie offered.
“No, I have homework,” Mia protested.
“Yeah, and so do I. Screw it. Let’s have fun. You can’t focus anyway, right? I’ll text Maya and tell her to get her ass home with some good snacks. You need a fun night. We all do.” Julie stood up, grabbing her phone from her bag.
“Ugh, fine. I’ll get a pizza and some sodas ordered.” Mia discarded her blanket and got off the couch, grabbing her book to toss in her room. Julie ran to her and pulled her into a tight hug.
“Love you, Mia. You’re real to me,” she said, letting go after giving her a kiss on the cheek. She darted back to her room, fingers flying across her phone screen.
“Love you more!” Mia shouted back. She almost felt okay again, like her old self.
Almost.
💔🧣💔
“Mia. You got this,” Julie said, squeezing her shoulder. They sat in folding chairs in the back row, as Mia was too nervous to mingle or raid the snack table or whatever else she was expected to do as a performer. Maya sat in the front row, holding seats for herself, Julie, and Angie. She turned back, giving Mia a thumbs up and blowing Julie a kiss before turning back to face the stage.
“I know, Jules. I know. I have to, anyway. My midterm grade depends on it.” She laughed, the sound slightly hysterical. She took deep breaths to try to calm herself. It didn’t work.
Julia smiled. “That’s fair. But still. I’m proud of you for picking this piece to share.”
“It’s my best one.” Mia was confident in that. She had been blocked for so long, but the words had flowed when she needed them the most. Part fact, part fiction, all her.
“Most definitely. You know I love whatever you show me. But this? It feels… special.”
Mia smiled, taking Julie’s hand and giving it a squeeze. “It is. At least, it feels like it to me.”
Julie squeezed back. “It should! I saw how hard this was for you. And all it put you through to get to this point.” Mia sensed she wasn’t just talking about the writing any more.
“Hey. What kind of writer am I if I can’t turn my pain into art?” she said with a shrug. Julie laughed.
“Someday you’ll have a love story so great you won’t need the pages.”
“When did you get so cheesy?” She rolled her eyes, and Julie playfully shoved her. The lights flickered above them, and Mia slowly stood. “I gotta head back. I’ll meet you all after, okay?”
“Always,” Julie said, giving her one last hug. She joined Maya and Angie up front, while Mia headed backstage. There she stood, carefully holding her typed pages so they wouldn’t get too crumbled before her turn. She tried to follow along with the readers onstage, but could barely hear anything over the blood pounding in her ears. The occasional rounds of scattered applause were her only way to gauge where in the program they were. Until her name was called.
She walked onto the stage, stopping in front of the microphone. As she adjusted the height of it, she looked out into the audience. She saw her friends in the front row, her dad leaning against the back wall where he had snuck in. All those that loved her. All that she needed.
“Hi. I’m Mia,” she began. She let out a small giggle when Julie cheered for her, and cleared her throat. “Memory is a funny thing. It can trick you, save you, cause you to change your mind or fall in love with actions that were never true at all. We can’t always trust it, but it’s something we all rely on, all fall back on in times of crisis or joy, love or loss. Our memories make us who we are.”