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Chapter Text

"So what you're saying is… butterflies would start flying around in your stomach??" Mafuyu asked quizzically. Relationships and crushes were a totally foreign world to her. She didn't understand at least half of what Ena was trying to explain when it came to what it was like to have a crush on someone. 

"Well, yes. But also no." Ena waved her index finger around as she spoke, a subconscious movement the girl would often make while explaining things, as Mafuyu had come to learn. "Not literal butterflies, but your stomach starts to tickle a little and clench from nervousness. You'd feel light, and maybe your palms would sweat, and uh…"

"Those sound like symptoms of hyperhidrosis." The med student replied bluntly. "If that's what romance feels like, I'm not sure that's exactly what I want."

"Would you just listen for a second!?" Ena snapped back, pausing for a moment and coughing into her fist. Ena losing composure like this wasn't uncommon, so Mafuyu didn't mind whatsoever. "Ahem… with that, any time you're around that person, you'd probably feel a strong sense of comfort. A want to get closer and want to learn more about each other, maybe do things like hold hands and go on dates together and stuff, even if it makes you nervous thinking about it."

"I see." While Mafuyu may not have had any sort of intellectual input, she'd been noting just about everything Ena had been saying. All of it sounded so otherworldly and preposterous, so it was really all that she could do if she wanted any sort of shot at understanding these feelings that the average person would have. 

"Yeah, and of course there's other things like kissing and stuff, but that comes later in the relationship, usually after a while of being together." Ena kept explaining, seemingly in her own world. Mafuyu tried her best to understand, though it was quite the herculean task, given that none of these feelings were familiar to her. 

"You seem like quite… How would one say…" She held a hand up to her chin, trying to remember the words and put them together, almost like a puzzle. "A hopeless romantic?" 

"You're the one who asked for my input, so don't get all judgy on me! I'm not the only one that thinks all this stuff. You could probably ask anyone else and get the same answers!" There Ena went, being her usual irritable self. 

"Is that so…"

Ena blinked at Mafuyu a few times, letting a silence take over before momentarily breaking it. "Whatever, I'm gonna check my notifications really quick." She pulled her phone from her pocket and began scrolling through whatever app she had opened it up too, her face occasionally contorting at what she saw. Mafuyu wouldn't have been surprised if she had been looking at more cat pictures that had more likes than her selfies and was weighing her whole self worth on it. 

While that was happening, Mafuyu rested her hands on her lap and thought to herself for a moment while she could, simultaneously taking in her surroundings and what had taken place that day. 

She and Ena had been sitting on the couch in her living room within the confines of her own home for the past half an hour. She had invited her over a voice chat since she figured Ena would know the most about the subject of romance. After all, it seemed that was all she talked about whenever she was bored or needed to fill in a conversation while they were out with the rest of N25. Things like, 

"So, you guys have any crushes?"

Or

"Anyone want to talk about their love lives? I'm curious."

Why romance had even piqued Mafuyu's interest in the first place, she had no idea.

"Enanan, you're into romance movies and things of that sort, yes?"

"Yeah, why?"

"If I send you my address, would you be willing to stop by and answer a few questions I have?"

"Uh… I don't see why we can't talk about it over VC or in the SEKAI, but I guess it's understandable if you want to stay in your home environment or whatever. Fine, shoot me your address. I'll head over after I stop by my favorite restaurant after school tomorrow since it's not like I have anything better to do. This better not be a waste of my time, I'm warning you!"

"Alright."

And that's how they had arrived to where they were present. 

"Mafuyu?" Ena's voice broke Mafuyu's train of thought that had long since gone off its rails. 

"Ah, apologies… Were you saying something?"

"Well, I said , have you ever kissed anyone before, maybe? Do you remember the feelings you felt then?" Ena asked, curiously placing a finger to her chin and tilting her head. Mafuyu was quite surprised with how calm Ena was, asking such a direct question, as she seemed like the one to usually avoid being direct. 

"No." Mafuyu couldn't recall such a thing ever happening in her life. It was quite bold for Ena to assume anyone would pursue her in that way when she had gone to an all girl's school for her whole life. Very few students were into the same sex, and even fewer or more than likely, none, would even think of her in that way, more or less have those feelings reciprocated by herself. She wasn't sure she even knew how to reciprocate. "No, I have never kissed anyone before."

"Uwah? You mean you haven't kissed anyone before?!" Ena seemed all too surprised, almost insultingly so. "Someone as wealthy, influential, and beautiful as you? I'd expected tons of guys to be all over you!"

"I don't really care for that sort of thing."

Ena seemed shocked at this reply for some reason, eyes widened and jaw slack . Wasn't it already apparent? If she did care for that sort of thing, she wouldn't have invited Ena over, would she?

"Are you… into girls or something?" She piped up hesitantly, a hand held up to her lips curiously. 

The strange and sudden question made Mafuyu think. She knew she found men quite repulsive from pure experience alone, but women? Well, that was what she was familiar with. Women to her were always more sensitive, nurturing, soft, and attractive, but never did Mafuyu ever consider doing something so romantic with another girl. Surely it had to of simply been a sense of comfortable familiarity with her own sex. 

"What, are you trying to find something to insult me with?" Mafuyu's expression never faltered from how it had been resting that whole conversation. 

"Not at all! I'm offended that you'd even think I would do such a thing!" Ena yelled, red in the face. "And if you aren't convinced, I'm pretty damn sure I like girls myself, so there!"

Ena seemed all too desperate to show that she wasn't homophobic. Not that Mafuyu would really care either way, it wasn't her business. However… from this comment, an idea surfaced in Mafuyu's head. 

"You're sure that you like girls?" Mafuyu repeated back, testing the water. 

"I mean I guess…" Ena shifted around in her seat a bit, maybe from being uncomfortable on the couch, or maybe from embarrassment. "I think girls are really pretty. Soft, gentle, and they always seem to have such holdable frames. I don't really see why I wouldn't be attracted."

There was still uncertainty in Ena's tone in the same way as there had been for Mafuyu, that much was apparent. From that alone, she decided that maybe it was time to take some risks. After all, she would need to make sure Ena had gotten something out of this visit, or that would simply be horrible hospitality on her part. 

"Ena," Mafuyu started, looking the girl directly in her vibrant, albeit a bit confused looking, chocolate brown eyes. "Can you kiss me?"

If Ena was drinking something, she probably would have spat it out all over Mafuyu from the way her body clenched and her eyes went wide. Mafuyu couldn't tell if Ena was more surprised by the words themselves or by the fact they came out of her mouth. Probably a mix of both. 

"Can I…W-What?!" Ena stuttered, her face flushing a violent shade of red. Mafuyu would have almost thought that the brunette would lunge forward and attack her just for suggesting such a thing. 

"Can you kiss me?" She repeated like a robot, unwavering. "From what I've gathered, the outcome could only be mutually beneficial. You have experience, while I don't. I could learn something, and I suppose you could find out if you like to kiss girls."

Mafuyu had no idea how direct she was. While she may have gathered it being mutually beneficial, she didn't gather that it wasn't exactly normal to ask your frenemy to kiss you just out of curiosity. However, it wasn't like her boldness would pay off. With how Ena was now, Mafuyu was quite certain she wouldn't be fulfilling the request. 

"Y-Yeah I guess it could be…" Ena was looking at the floor, holding her opposite arm with her left. 

Typical Ena, Mafuyu thought, acting all flustered and then turning around and being just fine seconds later. A tsundere, if that's even the correct term. 

"Just-" Ena started again, still refusing to look up at her. "If I'm going to kiss you, close your eyes. If you open them, I'll be pissed." 

"Fine." Mafuyu did as she was told to, closing her eyes and resting her hands on either side of her lap. She figured the kiss would come quickly, a chaste peck and then it would be done. But after a moment of silence and only a few shuffling noises from Ena, Mafuyu piped up again. "You're taking a while."

"Shut it!! I know!" Ena slapped the sofa in frustration. "It's just… how do you want me to kiss you? Just a peck, or like… ?"

"Whatever you prefer."

"That's not helpful!" Ena continued to act out flusteredly, Mafuyu keeping her eyes closed. For some reason, Mafuyu could feel her heart start beating slightly faster. Strange. "I'll just improvise, so don't complain if it's not to your liking alright…"

"Alright." Mafuyu responded, her chest feeling a bit heavier now with each breath. That was… odd… 

Ena moved closer, scooting on her knees which had weighed down the soft around Mafuyu's legs. A few shuffling noises, and Mafuyu felt a set of finger tips against her cheek, sliding back to her ear until Ena's whole hand was resting there. 

"I'm going to kiss you now, alright?" Ena's voice was so much closer and quiet now, she could practically feel the girl's breath on her lips. Just as before, that weird feeling was happening again in her chest. Too close, too close. 

"Mhm." Mafuyu nodded, only slightly so as not to disturb their position with Ena as close to her as she was. 

"Alright…"

Ena didn't waste any more time in idle chit chat or yelling at her, gently placing her lips against Mafuyu's. They were soft, a lot softer than Mafuyu had originally anticipated. The kiss wasn't over yet, but she could already tell this wasn't something she was going to end up disliking. Physical contact with another person in this way was something she had never felt, but maybe she would want to feel it again in the future. 

Ena deepened their kiss, her advance being quite bold despite the fact her hand that was on Mafuyu's cheek was ever so slightly shaking out of nervousness. Nervousness…Shaking… Was that what Ena meant with what she was explaining earlier? 

Mafuyu's train of thought was interrupted by intrusive thoughts of just what she could have been feeling. 

This feels really… nice? 

I like it? Is that what I feel? I feel… light? 

Mafuyu was glad she was too preoccupied with this 'mutual exchange' to voice these forward thoughts as she'd been taught by Kanade to do. She could recall the many times she was given a spiel about voicing even the smallest of feelings she felt so that she could keep tabs on any time she found a part of herself that she was certain had been lost or was never there to begin with. 

Ena kept the kiss going for a bit longer than Mafuyu had expected, leaving her with no choice but to kiss back as her body had practically begun to work on its own. This was all too blissful. The action was almost involuntary as she leaned into Ena's kiss, only for the girl to quickly lean back and place her hands on Mafuyu's shoulders, gently pushing away. 

"H-Hey-" Ena pulled back, and Mafuyu opened her eyes. Ena's face was probably the most red she'd ever seen it ever since they met and her breath was clearly heavier than usual. Frowning, Ena looked to the side. "We should uh… Stop there… Your parents could walk in all of a sudden and-"

"Ah, right." How could Mafuyu have forgotten? If her parents had found her kissing Ena on the living room sofa, she would be in a whole world of pain. She probably would have been sent to the streets or disowned for even thinking of doing such a thing, more or less engaging in kissing her friend just for experimentation's sake. On top of that, her parents were never the most accepting of homosexual acts or people. 

An awkward silence befell the two of them, Mafuyu placing a curious finger to her lips. Only then did she process just how soft Ena's lips had felt against her own. In comparison, her finger felt almost like sandpaper. 

"So, what do you think? About, yknow… That." Ena asked, sitting back down on her rear. It almost looked like she had completely short circuited from the exchange and that asking this question alone was a whole task in itself. 

"What do I…Think?" Mafuyu gathered any sort of thought she could recall that had anything to do with what had just happened. Despite being often asked her opinion in group efforts for N25, this felt off to her. Usually she would just say something along the lines of 'it's good' or 'it's missing something'. However, this was different, the weight of what she could answer feeling heavier and closer to her. 

Ena's soft lips, the way she was so gentle and coordinated in her movements, her hand on her face, the hot air between them when Ena had told her she was going to kiss her. Even the feeling in her chest and stomach, and her now sweaty palms. If she had hyperhidrosis, she was certain she would have known so already. 

"I think I may be in love with you."

Chapter Text

Either Ena was very bad at explaining things, or Mafuyu was in love with her. These were the only two possibilities, she was certain. Going based on what she could feel and had felt, give or take a few things, that was the only possible explanation to the tight knot in her stomach and the feeling as though she was floating once their lips were pressed against one another's.

That had happened a few hours ago, but the thoughts and even feelings still lingered when she thought too hard about it. 

"I think I may be in love with you."

"And I think you may be an idiot."

That's all Ena replied before flusteredly slinging her bag over her shoulder and saying her goodbyes as she left. Mafuyu had known her well enough to know that Ena rarely ever meant what she said when it came to things like that, so just what did she actually feel? It was too late for Mafuyu to ask in person, but she figured the best way for her to find out was through direct messaging her. 

Yuki: "You left in quite a hurry."

It didn't take long for the words Enanan is typing… to appear on her screen. 

Enanan: "What about it?"

Yuki: "I never got the chance to ask what you meant. When you said you thought I was an idiot."

Enanan: "It just means you're an idiot, okay?"

Mafuyu didn't need to be an expert to see that Ena was hiding something from her. Something to do with the kiss that they had shared earlier. Was it that she didn't like it and was too scared to tell her? Or was there another underlying thing she wasn't willing to voice? 

She had never been the best at solving other people's problems once emotions had gotten involved, and especially not ones that had involved interpersonal connections. However, she was brought back to what Kanade had been teaching her. The methods in which Mafuyu slowly began to change and regain a sense of individuality that she had lost so quickly. 

Yuki: "Kanade taught me that the only way to know how you feel is to say it as the feeling appears in your head. Note it so that you don't forget it and so it becomes almost tangible."

Kanade's advice had helped her quite a lot, so surely someone also struggling with something similar could benefit from it too? Mafuyu could never recall another time she had given someone genuine advice when it had come to feelings over thoughts, but for this, she was serious as a heart attack. 

For a few minutes, Ena didn't reply, leaving Mafuyu looking at her monitor boredly, running reasons why Ena wouldn't respond immediately through her head to pass time. Perhaps she was still thinking of how to respond? Or perhaps she was ignoring Mafuyu. Or maybe someone dragged her away and she was unable to respond?

The strange anxiety that came over her from these thoughts was more than bothersome. 

Enanan: "Well that doesn't apply to me."

Finally, a reply. 

Yuki: "Why not?"

Enanan: "There you go again, being an idiot with your one to two word responses. I already know how I feel, alright?"

If she knew how she felt, why wouldn't she say it? It couldn't be that hard if the emotions had come so easily to her, right? In fact, Mafuyu was almost envious of the way Ena had felt things so easily. Almost. 

Yuki: "Can you tell me?"

Then came another bout of radio silence, along with a new thought Mafuyu had come to note in her head. 

Why was it that Ena found it so easy to express emotions, but never to tell people how she really felt? It was like she was the opposite of Mafuyu, who always expressed any bit of feeling she could find at the exact moment it would appear, only to in turn show little to no emotion at all. Emotions and feelings were quite different after all, even if they were both things Mafuyu had struggled with. 

Feelings are what Ena would make her feel when she's being stubborn and refusing to be straight with Mafuyu about anything at all. It makes Mafuyu confused, yet somehow, intrigued at the same time. It makes her want to close the gap between herself and Ena to learn anything that she can about what it's like to be a true individual with feelings all their own, easily presentable and notable not just by herself, but by others as well. 

Emotions were what was expressed in the kiss she and Ena had shared hours prior. That kiss made her experience an emotion she didn't quite have a name for. Based upon the conversation prior, she just assumed she had been lovestruck.  Though, based off Ena's reaction, it must have sounded incredibly stupid coming from her own mouth. 

Did she really love Ena though? Ena explained the feeling of love as wanting to get closer to someone and spend more time with them; a curiosity Mafuyu held towards her had always kept her drawn to Ena. She mentioned feeling a nervous knot in her stomach, and sweaty palms. As far as Mafuyu could tell, all of those things applied in regards to her feelings towards Ena, so what was missing? Reciprocation? Was that required to feel love?

Too many questions and nowhere near enough answers. 

Enanan is typing… 

Enanan: "Meet me at my house tomorrow."

That wasn't exactly what Mafuyu had been looking for, however, there had to have been a reason for why Ena wanted her to come over, and she personally had no reason to decline. She'd even go as far as to say she felt drawn to the proposal of seeing Ena again in a strange way she couldn't quite describe. 

Yuki: "If that's what you want."

Enanan: "Learn to think for yourself, jeez. Don't just do something because it seems like that's what I want. Do it because you want to."

It wasn't the first time Mafuyu had been told something of that sort. It was hard for her to do something she wanted to do if she never felt the distinct want to do anything at all. Apathy, she decided to call it, knowing well that there was no way apathy was the only thing at work in her mind. 

What she felt was a distinct blankness different from that of apathy. Apathy is a conscious uncaring, while Mafuyu automatically defaulted to doing what other people had wanted her to. She knew her parents were to blame in a large part, though, being raised as she had been, there was no way she could truly bring herself to feel any malice towards them for how they had brought her up. 

All she knew that she could do for herself was to try and find her feelings and sense of self. She knew they were there despite the constantly egging hopelessness that tugged at her whenever she felt alone. Her feelings, her emotions, they were like animals in a cage constantly being taunted by everyone else's free emotions. Emotions that would come easy for those people, and feelings that were easily distinguishable from something that of apathy. Maybe her sense of isolation and otherness was the problem all along? She wasn't sure. 

Yuki: "Alright. Thank you."

Enanan: "Guess I'll see you then?"

Yuki: "Yes, see you then."

With that settled, as soon as Mafuyu saw that Ena's profile was marked as 'offline', she turned off her PC and settled down in her bed. Not a single light was on in her room, just how she usually kept it. She wondered if she felt a sort of likeness towards the darkness of her room. It was familiar, comfortable, like a blanket that kept her hidden from all the problems that she may have been suffering through at the time. 

Yes, she was certain she liked the dark. She noted that for later. 

She also looked forward to seeing Ena the day following and learning more about her thoughts. Another important feeling she kept close to her as if not to lose it in some stray breeze. Maybe she would enjoy herself. 

Getting ready that morning, Mafuyu didn't know why she was being more particular than usual. Most times, she would take the first thing from the top of her stacked up clothing in her dresser and put it on. Simple, time efficient, and she trusted whatever clothing her mother had bought for her would work just fine. 

This time though, she picked out a shirt that was third from the top in her second dresser drawer, plain and beige with long sleeves, and a knee length black skirt that she needed to shuffle through her closet for. 

Usually she would only do this if the weather called for something more specific or if she was attending a formal event, though neither of those were occurring at all that day. The only notable event that would be happening was her meet up at Ena's house. Ena had never mentioned much about her living quarters to Mafuyu aside from the fact that she had a little brother and a pesky father. 

She decided her choice in clothing that day was likely a subconscious desire to leave a good impression on Ena's family. 

… She really wasn't fooling herself with that one. She wanted to look nice for Ena, even if that wasn't the initial intent of the gesture. She felt a need to look better and ensure that she looked put together and… Attractive? Something of that sort. 

After some morning chores and a quick exchange of texts with Ena, she secured a time of meeting and the girl's address. With everything settled, there was only one problem left that Mafuyu would rather tackle before her arrival. A strange feeling in her stomach that had surfaced. 

Butterflies, she thinks they were called. Ena never quite explained what those butterflies had meant, but she did explain that they were part of being in love. An inconvenience, more like it. Mafuyu wasn't sure she liked the butterflies all that much. 

Ignoring it for her own sake and to continue with her day, she slung her purse over her shoulder and made her way out the door. She couldn't let some strange feeling in her stomach stop her. She was on a mission, after all.

A mission to learn more about Ena's feelings. 

"Took you long enough." Ena opened the door to her home nearly just as Mafuyu had pressed the doorbell, likely having been standing there waiting for her arrival. "If I knew you were going to be 15 minutes late, I would have at least eaten that slice of cheesecake in the fridge first." 

"My apologies." Mafuyu bowed slightly, her voice tuned up like how it would be when she was at school. Her standard go-to 'goody two-shoes' voice for impressing people she didn't know, the use of the voice being mostly subconscious. "Shall we head inside? You can take the cheesecake with you if you'd like to eat it while I'm here. It's no problem with me at all."

With a sigh, Ena motioned Mafuyu into the house and closed the door swiftly. "You don't need to do the good-girl act just because you're at my house. It's not like my dad will see you. My brother is also out with his little group so, yeah."

Mafuyu only nodded in response as Ena walked away, giving no direction at all as to where she was going. Mafuyu decided to wait, and luckily, Ena came back after a moment of shuffling through the kitchen (with cheesecake in hand) to lead her to where they would be talking. 

Ena's bedroom. 

"Sit wherever you want." Ena instructed, sitting down on her neatly made bed. "As long as you don't mess anything up or something."

The artist's room was, as she expected, full of art and painting supplies. It was more spacious than she expected though, an area rug and small table in the center with her bed and desk set-up in different corners of the room. Definitely a photogenic space, if that's what Ena was aiming for, which she likely was with how many selfies she would post taken within the confines of her bedroom. While Mafuyu had seen it in pictures often, it was a whole new experience being present in the room with Ena in person. 

Mafuyu spun around a few times, observing the space. Maybe a few too many times, as Ena was now giving her an incredibly confused look. 

"Are you gonna sit, or what?" Ena raised an eyebrow at her, raising a fork-full of cheesecake. Mafuyu thought she looked quite peaceful while eating her favorite food, especially with the way a slight redness would make its way onto her cheeks as she happily savored it. It wasn't something she had gotten the chance to see often. 

Mafuyu nodded in response, settling on simply sitting next to Ena as it would be easiest to communicate with her that way. Though, Mafuyu could have sworn Ena turned to stone as she had sat down, like Mafuyu had done something she shouldn't have. "Is it alright for me to sit here?"

"U-Uh-" Ena brought the back of her hand that was holding a fork up against her mouth as she swallowed the bit of cheesecake she was in the middle of eating. She was almost panicked looking at that moment. Embarrassed, even. "Yeah, of course. Duh."

"Alright." Mafuyu nodded, looking away at the floor between her feet. There was a carpet there, soft enough for her to feel the texture of it even with her shoes on. While a silence had come over Ena and herself, it wasn't a bad silence. She didn't think Ena thought so either, having taken a sneak glance at her as she was enjoying her cheesecake. It was a comforting silence for the pair, one that let them sit with their thoughts of appreciation for the other just being there. At least, that's how it was for Mafuyu. 

Ena would always get mad at Mafuyu whenever she gave blunt responses to things Ena would say or ask. However, this time she didn't seem to mind at all. Maybe she had never been mad at all to begin with. 

"You probably have no idea why I invited you here." Ena started, walking over to her desk where she placed her now empty plate down. She continued to talk as she did so. "It was probably super weird of me to do."

"Not at all. I was looking quite forward to seeing you again." Another thing Mafuyu mentally noted in her metaphorical book of feelings. 

"Well uh… you probably weren't expecting it then I guess… ?"

"That's true. I wasn't."

Despite having just eaten her favorite food, Ena looked incredibly pensive all of a sudden. A tension started to build in the room, just from that expression on its own. It was silent for a moment, Mafuyu giving Ena a sad look in return. 

"You wanted to know about my feelings, right?" Ena asked, forward for once in all the time Mafuyu had known her. While she was clearly hesitant to go forward with this conversation, Mafuyu appreciated the question nonetheless. 

"Yes, that's right."

Ena took her seat back on the bed where she had been sitting before, looking down at the floor with her elbows resting haphazardly on her knees as though the position was incredibly unnatural to her. She'd been avoiding eye contact the whole time. Clearly uncomfortable sitting as she was, Ena flopped backwards against her bed and looked up at the ceiling like she was looking to the surface for answers to all the confusions she may have had at that moment. 

"I doubt you'd understand, but since you're here, I may as well let it out." She huffed, raising her hands above her head and resting them against her bed's thick covers. "You piss me off, big time. It's like you can't do anything on your own and constantly need a babysitter. We go out to eat with Mizuki and Kanade and you never know what to order. We shop and you never buy anything. Your wardrobe consists of what seems like nothing more than three different shirts and skirts. Not to mention, you needed my explanation just to even partially understand love. It's like you're nothing without your dumb parents or us guiding you like some lost pitiful puppy."

Ena paused, and Mafuyu felt a shock in her chest. It didn't hurt, but it felt cold. Like she wasn't meant to feel that sort of thing from Ena's words. The words were harsh, but somehow, Ena didn't sound angry at all as she had said them. She sounded lost, and it made Mafuyu ache. 

Ena raised a hand and placed it over her eyes, clearly unwilling to look at Mafuyu as she continued."And that's why it was so confusing when I felt the way I did yesterday. Why do I always let you in even when my head says there's no point in trying with someone who could never get it? Who could never feel what I feel?" In a sudden turn of tone, it sounded like she was about to start crying right there. 

Mafuyu didn't interrupt or make any comment. She was an odd mix of dumbfounded and curious, wanting to keep listening without any sort of input or consolation just to learn more about Ena. These were the feelings she wanted to see after all. They were what she asked for. 

"Why did I feel a sense of regret in… pushing you away?" Ena asked, rhetorical. "And why did that kiss– feel so goddamn good. N-Not like that but, my chest hurt from how hard my heart was pounding and…"

"Well, that doesn't sound good." Mafuyu interrupted, turning her seating position to look down at Ena with slightly knit eyebrows, more concerned than anything. 

"Idiot. It didn't actually hurt , it just… was beating really hard." Ena grumbled in reply, placing her hands over her now red flushed face. 

Suddenly, the memories of the day before flooded into Mafuyu's head as well. She liked that kiss, she decided. She liked being physically close to Ena. The gentle, albeit hesitant little touches they shared, lips against each other's and hands loosely resting on each other like they were the glue that was holding the other together. It was a strange exhilaration she wished she could feel over and over again. It was a difference to her boring, mundane life that she could never find purpose in. Maybe "purpose” was what she found in Ena’s touch at the end of everything. 

"Is what you're saying implying that you want to kiss me again?" Mafuyu interrupted her own train of thought out of slight fear of the sexuality of everything. 

Ena let out an annoyed grumble in response, pondering for a moment before removing one hand from her face, Mafuyu more than certain that her cheeks were warm to the touch from how mad she was blushing. There was a light twinkle in her eyes from the tears that were welling in them from the embarrassment of it all. While tears were never something Mafuyu associated with anything good, she found a sort of subtle beauty to the glisten that so brightly reflected the light of Ena’s room. It led her to realize how much she had taken Ena’s natural beauty for granted. All those filtered selfies, posed and planned to perfection, never did appeal to her all that much anyways. Though somehow, Ena laying down on her bed and looking up at Mafuyu embarrassedly without any frantic yelling or attitude, or even filters and dramatic lighting, was refreshing and comforting in a way. 

“What if that is what I'm implying, huh?” Ena muttered, looking away. “Gonna tell the others? Tell them im some weird creepy lesbian that wants to kiss her friend just because it made her heart feel like it was beating out of her chest?"

Before Mafuyu knew what she was doing, she slowly reached her arm forward and brushed the back of her hand against Ena’s cheek. It was hotter than she thought it was. She could guess just how bad Ena wanted to smack her hand away, yet for the same reason as everything happening prior, she let Mafuyu keep doing whatever she was thinking of. Curiosity. Gently and calculated, as she was with everything, Mafuyu tucked a bit of hair behind Ena’s ear, feeling the girl slightly tense beneath her fingertips. 

“Don't go all silent on me.” Ena gripped Mafuyu’s wrist lightly in warning. “Answer me.” 

“Why would I tell anyone something like that?” Mafuyu leaned down on her elbow. In part, it was to get a closer look at Ena, but she would be lying if she said it wasn't also because she was tired of sitting up “It’s not my business to tell other people about something this personal to you.”

“Hah…” Ena chuckled, releasing Mafuyu’s wrist with a sigh like she had passed some sort of unspoken test of trust. “You’re really nice when you aren’t being an idiot, you know?”

“Mmm. I just say things how I think they are.” 

“Take the compliment.”

“Thank you.”

“Not like th– You know what, nevermind.” A small grin made its way onto Ena’s face as much as she was definitely trying to fight it. That smile held enough power to move Mafuyu’s heart once again. 

Without thinking much about it, Mafuyu made herself a bit more comfortable, crawling up so that one of her legs rested on either side of Ena's hips. Somehow, she didn't process at all how forward the movement was, only doing what felt right to her at that moment. 

“What are you–?” Ena asked, uncovering her face that still burned a bright red. It wouldn't be too off to say that she looked horrified, even. 

“You wanted me to kiss you, yes?” Mafuyu tilted her head like a confused puppy, resting her hands on her knees. 

Again, Ena’s hand darted up to her face to cover it. Mafuyu figured it had to be a nervous habit with how much hesitation Ena had been showing along with her consistently bright pink blush that made Mafuyu want to brush her hand against her face just to feel her own effect on her once more. There was no thrashing, no tensing up, and with a light sigh and the drop of her hand, Ena whispered. 

“Yeah, I do.”

Chapter Text

"You wanted me to kiss you, yes?"

"Yeah, I do."

Ena didn't know what prompted her to say such an embarrassing thing, but it was hard to keep herself contained when an incredibly pretty girl was straddling her hips and looking down at her, even if the whole thing was incredibly chaste. 

Of course she wanted Mafuyu to kiss her. That had been the whole reason for her arranging this meetup, having somewhat planned this from the start. Well…She didn't account for Mafuyu getting on top of her, but what was a plan without a few small kinks, changes of course, and unaccounted reactions along the way? 

Upon being given the consent she was looking for, Mafuyu wasted no time in leaning lower, casting a shadow over Ena that ended up being a lot more intimidating than she would have expected before. It was like the whole world was approaching her, and Mafuyu's lips were the apex of everything that would hit her. 

The taller girl's hands were more calloused than they looked, Ena had come to learn through these close moments they had shared recently. She was only reminded then of her hands by the way Mafuyu guided them up Ena's arms so she could lace their fingers together, pressing Ena gently against the sheets of her bed. She was never forceful, never too hard. For someone who had never looked nervous as long as Ena knew her, Mafuyu seemed quite hesitant, like she was dealing with a bomb that could go off at any second. 

Ena didn't exactly blame her. She'd been described as bomb-like by more than one person in her life. 

"If you don't kiss me already, I'll grab your face and do it myself." Ena huffed, nervously chewing her bottom lip. She didn't need this suspense or gentle treatment, even if it definitely got her heart racing. 

Mafuyu let out a small breath of acknowledgement in response, lowering herself enough for their noses to brush against one another's. 

"You're quite demanding." She whispered, grazing her tongue against Ena's bottom lip. "If you keep chewing your lip like that, it'll get sore."

The nerve! Ena couldn't tell if Mafuyu was trying to be seductive, looking down on her, or neither and she was just being stupid, or both , but it didn't matter to her. She didn't even think through the sudden blind, gay rage she felt, reaching up with her free hand and, 

"T-That's it-" She growled, balling the fabric of Mafuyu's shirt in her hand before pulling her down and pressing their lips together out of the pure frustration of it all. She was tired of being played with and was more than tired of waiting to feel that nostalgic feeling of her lips against Mafuyu's. While it had only been a day since they last had this sort of exchange, it felt like all too long. Like a dark and desolate place that had waited so long to feel light against its surface once again. 

Ena wasn't sure where Mafuyu had learned to kiss, but it must have worked some sort of wonders. She was almost certain Mafuyu had to have been lying about never having kissed anyone before Ena with how quickly she made her melt into the pleasurable warmth of it all. 

Oh god, did I really take Mafuyu's first kiss? Ena thought in passing, squinting her eyes shut tighter at the idea of such a thing. 

She didn't bother pondering it much longer though, perishing the thought and snaking her one free arm around Mafuyu's neck, deepening their kiss as much as she could with Mafuyu's tongue already between her openly parted lips. Everything was so hot. Her face, her breath, her core, anywhere that she had felt contact with Mafuyu, it all pleasantly burned. Shocks and shivers, Mafuyu's legs pressing on either side of her waist, it was all a lot more than she had accounted for. 

Though, she would be lying if she said that she hated it. 

Breaking her out of the pleasured trance she found herself in, Mafuyu pulled away only slightly to speak. 

"Are you satisfied with this?" Mafuyu asked, her voice slightly more strained, though still it's usual low tone. It was almost startling, even the smallest changes in her voice like this. The slight laboredness to her breathing, the pink dusted onto her cheeks, the way Mafuyu’s hand that clasped onto hers was shaking ever so slightly under the weight of the situatiation they found themselves in. Whether it was a good or bad shaking (not that it had to be either, really) was beyond Ena’s knowing. 

"I guess so… That's not really the point though." Ena turned her head to the side embarrassedly, brushing her thumb over the hand that held it in place as a silent acknowledgement of Mafuyu’s off reaction. As much as she wanted this to happen, to feel wanted and to feel the touch of another person, Ena didn’t want Mafuyu to do this out of a feeling of necessity or service without anything to gain whatsoever. That wouldn’t have been fair. “As you said last time, it’s a ‘mutually beneficial exchange’, right? What about you? Do you really want to do this, or are you just being a pushover because some girl said she wanted you to kiss her?”

Mafuyu’s eyes seemed to widen at these questions. Even the glisten in her eyes seemed to waver from thought. Even the number of fleeting bits of feelings and emotions swirling around behind her purple irises was practically visible just like that. 

“I want to do this too.” She responded, voice barely above a whisper, her hand starting to stabilize against Ena’s more tightened grip now. “I’m not exactly sure how to explain it but… You’re warm.”

“No kidding… When you pin me down and start kissing me like a maniac of course everything is going to be warm…”

“Not that sort of warm. A warmth that feels less lonely.” Mafuyu sat up, letting her hand slip free from Ena’s as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and swung her leg back around so that she could lay down next to Ena. Laying backwards, Mafuyu reached a hand up towards the ceiling with her palm pointing at it, peeking through her fingers like some sort of stargazer. “Just then as I kissed you, I actually tasted something for the first time in a long while.”

Embarrassed, Ena placed a hand over her lips, already aware of what Mafuyu was hinting at. “You did?”

“Cheesecake. I can see why you like it so much.” 

For some reason, that small gesture of acknowledgement had tugged even more at that funny feeling in Ena's chest than the kiss they shared previously. Even having been making out not even a moment prior, this somehow felt more intimate than any kiss they could ever share. Ena was sure that she didn't want this to end right there forever. 

"Mafuyu-" She started, sitting up and leaning back against her hand, Mafuyu perking up and lowering her hand at the sound of Ena saying her name. "Do you want to maybe… keep doing this?"

Mafuyu sat up as well with a stone face as usual. Contemplative or confused Ena guessed were what she was feeling a mix of. It was quite a vague question that she had asked after all. 

"What is the 'this' that you're talking about?" She questioned Ena, tilting her head to the side.

"Ah, uhm. You know, like, kissing and stuff I guess?" Ena could have sworn she sounded like the dumbest person alive for even letting those words come out of her mouth strung together in such a way. Even if she didn't sound all that stupid, she sure felt stupid saying something like that out loud. Raising her arms, she made some unintelligible hand motions, in any attempt to draw attention away from her forwardness, her shoulder bumping against Mafuyu’s "I-I mean, maybe we can- or uh… we cou-”

She was cut off by a hand reaching out to cup her cheek, the member turning her head to face Mafuyu with a gentle guiding motion. Ena couldn’t tell if she had closed the space as well with how quick everything was, but before she knew it was swept up once again in a quick kiss.

“Words aren’t something I can so easily put together.” Mafuyu muttered, pulling away. “But I think I like this. Being able to feel you and myself this close. Even just a little.”

Mafuyu folded her hands in her lap and stared at Ena like a lost puppy. Maybe Ena was touch starved. Maybe she had harbored these feelings towards Mafuyu for a while now. Maybe she was in love even, as much as she figured Mafuyu was an idiot for suggesting that she herself was in love with Ena. 

With a huff, Ena leaned her head against Mafuyu’s shoulder. “You need to stop making my heart feel like this. It’s annoying.”

“You like it though, yes?” Mafuyu’s voice didn’t sound the least bit snarky, but it definitely felt that way. 

“Something like that,  I'll give you that much.” 

Somehow she felt more content laying on Mafuyu’s shoulder than she had laying on anything else in her room. Not even her favorite plushie could compare. For someone so seemingly lost, weak and falling apart at the seams even, Mafuyu’s shoulders were strong and stable. Ena only assumed it had to have been taking part in Archery Club that gave her such a physique. 

Though, even with physique aside, Ena knew there was something else there. A sort of happy giddy feeling in her stomach when she was able to lay like this without someone judging her or criticizing her like it felt people always had done to her on the daily. Mafuyu, though, was silent and uncaring, unbothered and unwavering by her presence and her desire to be closer. However, it wasn't in a bad way. Not at all. It was a calm and peaceful silence that did all the speaking for the both of them. 

Ena was sure she could get used to this. For just this moment that she spent laying on Mafuyu's shoulder, none of Ena's problems worried her. She didn't care about her unfinished paintings or her act account's statistics. She didn't care about her stupid dad. She didn't even care about the fact Akito would probably yell at her later for eating the last of the Hot Pockets without saying anything. 

"Hey, Mafuyu." Ena quietly called for her attention. 

When she didn't get an answer after a few seconds, she spoke again, this time louder. 

"Ma-fu-yu," She broke the girl's name into syllables, still receiving no response. "Hey, no need to give me the silent treatment like-"

Ena sat up, quickly cutting herself off after realizing that Mafuyu's eyes were lightly resting closed. She had fallen asleep sitting up, just like that. 

Ah, she must have been pretty exhausted… 

It was a bit surreal, seeing Mafuyu like this. Not only was it strange that Mafuyu fell asleep sitting straight up, but it was even more strange that she looked the most at peace Ena had ever seen her. Her features were so pretty. Well, they were always pretty, Ena already knew this, but now being able to admire them without any sort of shame, she noticed things she didn't pay attention to before or hadn’t had the opportunity to notice. The way her lips lay loosely parted and the way her eyelashes looked so beautiful when her eyes lay closed like this was like a gift. 

After all, Ena was sure she was one of the only people who got to see Mafuyu like this. 

“Hah, must’ve been pretty exhausted,” Ena murmured to herself. She knew Mafuyu wouldn’t be able to hear her. Though, for some reason, talking to her now despite that still brought a sort of comfort to her. She felt like she could vent out her feelings and that someone would still be there, regardless of if they were listening or not. “It’s funny, really. You’re asleep here on my bed after this strange night of… Well, whatever we did, and now I’m talking to you as though you’re still awake.”

Ena chewed her lip, looking to the left so that her voice would travel away from where Mafuyu was sitting. It was a futile effort. She knew this. Even if Mafuyu was awake, she would still hear every single word of what would slip from her heart and off of her lips like molasses.

“This is all really dangerous for my heart, haha. I worry a little bit. This was all supposed to just be to feel something after so little touch or love from anyone.” The brunette pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. This was all hard to say, as much as she wanted it all to break free and spill from the depths of her chest where she had pushed and buried it so deep. She took in a shaky breath, continuing. “I’m definitely feeling something alright.”

With her heart twisting, thumping, performing in its own waltz, she twisted the fabric of her skirt between her fingers. With an amused chuckle, she rolled her eyes at her own stupidity. 

“I think I’m falling in love with you, and it’s scaring the shit out of me.”

Chapter Text

Thankfully for Ena, Mafuyu didn't stay asleep long. It would have been a pain to explain to her dad that: "I know you want her to leave soon, but I unfortunately really don't want to wake her up because she's really pretty, has crippling depression, and probably needs the rest more than anyone in this house." 

Not that those things exactly correlated with one another but they had all been reasons Ena told herself why she didn't want to wake Mafuyu up. She had looked all too peaceful. Too beautiful, calm and still. Like a porcelain doll still in its original container that held it, untouched and untainted by dust or stray marks. 

After Mafuyu had awoken, Ena straightened up her bed and followed Mafuyu to the exit where they parted ways. To Ena, it felt like her heart was being gently tugged with every step that Mafuyu had taken away from the sidewalk leading up to her door, and as soon as she disappeared around the corner, her heart finally slumped down out of exhaustion from its constant rampant marathon of beating like it was an exhausted hiker. 

Her poor heart really had been working overtime lately. Between Mafuyu kissing her earlier and her constant thoughts about her, she was about due for some chill time. Time to sit down and relax without any worries or-

"Hey, where the hell are the Hot Pockets?"

"Eh?" Ena whipped around at the sound of a gruff voice in the kitchen. Her idiot brother, no doubt. 

"Don't play dumb, Ena. I saw you with them last, so I'll ask again. Where the hell are the Hot Pockets?" Akito was standing in front of an open freezer, clutching the handle to the door with near white knuckles. "You know how hard those are to find around here."

“Listen, I was hungry.” She huffed in response, walking into the kitchen with her arms crossed. Of course Ena had eaten them. It wasn’t as though he had left his name on them or anything of that sort. Not to mention, she needed something quick to eat or she would have been late for Mafuyu’s arrival earlier that day. “I’ll buy you some more the next time we see them. Happy?”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. I’ll just eat some leftovers. You owe me.” Akito rolls his eyes, turning back around to shuffle through the fridge once again, moving around boxed containers of food from days passed in any sort of attempt to find something he would be willing to eat. 

As quickly as Ena and Akito's bickering began, it came to a close, the space between them filled with no more than silence and the sound of the microwave running, reheating some old dumplings from the day before yesterday. 

"So," Akito started, tense. "That Asahina girl. What kept her for so long? I expected her to be long gone by the time I got home, but clearly my expectations were nowhere near reasonable."

"Ah, well…" 

Quick, think of an excuse! 

Waving a hand, Ena furrowed her brows. "She wanted some pointers on how to use watercolor paints and gouache. She's an aspiring artist, so who better to come to than me?"

Within a second, Ena could already tell Akito could smell the potent scent of lies thick in the room. 

"Oh, so that's why she was kissing you, I see." Akito rolled his eyes, sarcastic in his sudden, out-of-thin-air remark. "Makes a lot of sense now." 

Ena could have sworn she would have choked and died right there if she had been eating anything. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Bull shit you don't, you left your door open a crack so I figured that you weren't doing anything I shouldn't see, and I was going to ask about that event you said you wanted me to wake you up for in a week," Akito talked with his hands as well, not particularly angry in his movements, but frantic and confused. "and that was when I saw Asahina… you know!"

Ena couldn't believe it. She wasn't exactly sure what "it" was, but she knew it had to do with either her own forgetfulness in leaving her door open, or her dumb brother for invading her privacy at the worst possible time. Her life was ruined. Nobody was supposed to know about this, nobody was supposed to even know she'd willingly do something like that with a girl at that. Suddenly, everything became all the more real. Ena could so easily pass off what happened earlier as something that meant nothing. A secret between herself and Mafuyu that nobody needed to know about. It was almost like; "if nobody knew about it, it was almost as though it never happened to begin with."

But Akito knows. He knows full well what things she'd done with Mafuyu behind not-so-closed doors. He knows that Ena is weird, some desperate gay mess who would go so far as to cling onto whatever affection she could get from Mafuyu, so much so that she'd considered if her feelings towards Mafuyu were that of love or desperation. 

He was supposed to be out with friends, why did he have to come back and ruin everything? 

"What does this even have to do with you?!" She suddenly snapped at him, gripping her shirt like it would stop her anxiously racing heart from beating out of her chest. "You weren't supposed to- I just-"

"Hey calm down, jeez." Akito rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He knew he touched a nerve. He'd made Ena angry enough times to see right through her. However, something told Ena he didn't mean to come off as he had. "You don't need to go and explain anything, because frankly, I don't want to, or need to know. But…" The microwave began to beep, signalling that it had finished heating up the food that Akito had put into it prior to the escalation that happened. "I don't know, sometimes I worry about you. I'm happy for you or whatever, but if she hurts you, yada yada, I'll make her wish she never fucked with the Shinonomes to begin with. Isn't that what brothers are supposed to say?"As he spoke, Akito shifted in place, rolling his eyes. 

Does he think we're dating or something? 

While Ena was pissed at her brother for peeping into her room like a nosey asshole, she couldn't stay mad when her often brash flesh and blood was clearly trying to be considerate. He may have been the younger sibling, but it was always somewhat endearing to Ena that Akito cared and was protective despite his more apathetic seeming attitude towards everything in her life. 

"Listen, it's not like that. Whatever you're thinking, you can stop thinking it." Ena subtly flushed, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. She didn't bother to look up from the floor between her feet, rolling her heels on the hardwood beneath her. Another agitated habit she had. "Don't worry about it."

"Like I said, it's not my business." Akito flung a dismissive hand, turning to the microwave. Reaching out, he rested his grip on the handle, looking at the floor as well, like it would give him any sort of prompt to keep talking. "I don't give a shit if you're gay or straight or a garbage truck. You're my sister, I kinda need to care about you. You're all the family I got, aside from, y'know." He gave his head a tilt in the general direction of their father's room. 

Ena gave a nod and a shrug. He had enough of a point for her to let her guard down and accept that, while Akito breached her privacy, he didn't mean any harm by it. 

"Anyways," He started again, taking his food from the microwave and shoveling some of it into his mouth. Despite it being clearly steaming hot, he didn't seem bothered by the heat. "I'm going to my room. Make sure to shut off the lights when you're done."

"Seeya, Akito." She replied curtly, still being a bit petty after the conversation. Even though her tone was rough though, she showed him an apologetic look and he nodded, turning off and heading down the hallway. She could have sworn she heard him mutter something along the lines of 'girls are so weird…' but she decided to ignore it. 

After Ena was certain he was gone, she pulled her phone from her pocket and to check the time. 

9:30pm.

Had Mafuyu really slept that long? 

Heaving out a heavy breath, Ena unlocked her phone and leaned against the counter with her elbows, opening Nightcord to see a ping from Kanade.

I can't make it to tonight's meeting. Mochizuki-san is holding me under room arrest until I fall asleep…

Ena was between "aww"ing at this and being concerned for Kanade's sleep schedule. If Honami had been worried then surely something had to have been visibly wrong with Kanade. Eyebags bigger than what you'd put your groceries in or her falling asleep in her chair, maybe. Not that those things had happened before or anything (they did.) She tried not to dwell on it long though, noting that there likely wouldn't be a meeting tonight without Kanade around. Though she also trusted that Kanade was in good hands, of course. 

In her notifications as well was a direct message from Mafuyu, her snowflake profile picture illuminating the corner of her screen a light purple. It read:

Thank you for letting me rest. I have studies to catch up on, though I wouldn't be opposed to meeting you again tomorrow. 

Meeting again tomorrow? For what? Just thinking about seeing Mafuyu again made her heart begin to pace around in her chest. Seeing her again after everything that happened? Surely she'd mentally collapse under the flashing imagery of making out with her again. Despite this, Ena types out her response with little to no thought at all. 

Yeah, I'm down 

She started, scrunching her eyebrows at the screen like it had looked at her the wrong way. 

Good luck with the studies ♡

A heart emoticon. A heart emoticon. She really just did that without any hesitation. 

"Ugh, I'm so gay." She muttered to herself, tossing her phone down on the counter and clutching her hair with her hands. 

Tomorrow is going to be rough… 

✿

Rough, it was.

If that was even the right thing to call what was happening on the couch of Ena's living room. 

Tongues against tongues, selfish, unhesitating, shameless in every single meaning of the word, Mafuyu and Ena pressed against each other, desperately grabbing at one another to find any sort of comfort in the feeling of their hands against someone else. The only air they breathed was what came off the other, the sounds of sucking and breathing loudly echoing through the house like a cacophony of lewd teenage dreams. 

Ena was on top of Mafuyu now, sitting on her lap and holding her face in her hands, tangling her fingers in loose strands of dark purple. 

"M-Mafuyu-" Ena uttered between desperate motions, practically breathing the name against the lips of the girl that it belonged to. "You're… So aggressive this time, we should… slow down…"

Clearly not caring to listen, Mafuyu dipped her head down and pressed her lips to Ena's neck since the brunette's own lips had been busy stating the obvious. Nearly immediately, she began to gently press her teeth into the sensitive skin, delicate and rough all at once. 

"Mafu- yu-!" Ena stuttered out, tugging lightly on the taller girl's hair, leaning her head back and grabbing her shoulder, looking for any sort of stability she could find at all in this moment. She felt like she was about to explode, her throat and lips already aching from the relentless kissing that had been happening "Haahhh, if you leave marks, I swear-"

"Too late." Mafuyu interrupted, tugging down the collar of Ena's shirt, sliding her lips across her bare collarbone. 

"W-W-Wait-!!" She squealed at the sudden cold that her skin was exposed too, snapping back into the reality of everything. She was making out with Mafuyu on her couch where Akito or her dad could so easily walk into the house suddenly and see her doing awful lewd things out in plain sight like this. "My dad… Akito-"

"They could come in at any moment. I'm aware."

"Ah, well-"

We should probably move to my room… Is what Ena wanted to say, but she knew damn well where that was going to end up. Things would keep escalating to places she wasn't sure would be ideal for this very moment. 

"We should probably stop before things get… Ahh…" 

"Right." Mafuyu agreed with a nod, sliding Ena's shirt back up so that it rested where it was before. "My apologies."

Placing a hand against her neck, Ena could already feel some spots beginning to develop, a burning reminder of what her relationship with Mafuyu had become. It wasn't like your usual relationship, nor was Mafuyu her girlfriend. They were friends with benefits. Friends with kissing benefits, except one has a really dumb crush on the other. That thing wasn't so uncommon, right? Whatever Ena needed to tell herself to stay sane, she would tell it. 

"It's fine." Ena muttered quietly, reaching her hands up to fix Mafuyu's hair, which she'd tangled and knotted in their fervent kissing. She would hate for anyone to get ideas, even if those "ideas" would be spot on. Resting her hands on Ena's waist, Mafuyu only stared to the side as the girl fixed her hair and gave her head a satisfied pat before pressing their foreheads together. Sitting like this, Ena could easily look down at Mafuyu, feeling taller for once in her life. 

"That felt much different than last time." Mafuyu commented, sliding her hands down and letting them rest against the cushions of the couch. "I don't know what got into me. I'm sorry."

Ena noticed this difference as well. From curiosity to neediness, their ritual had turned into something more clearly selfish than before. Ena fucking loved the feeling of Mafuyu's lips against hers. She would willingly drown in the sensation, breathe it in until she couldn't inhale ever again. Soft, hot, addicting, adrenaline pumping make out sessions that would pull her in like a fish to the most beautiful piece of bait in the ocean. Ena knew the danger could come with pursuing Mafuyu's attention. Heartbreak, dependence, confusion, frustration. Yet, she still went after her. She still accepted the hand that was so lightly held out to her and yanked it towards her with the force of a falling star. Mafuyu was so damn intoxicating like that. 

"It's alright…" Ena murmured, savoring the chaste touch of their bodies against each other. It was warm, even if Mafuyu was cold as ice. "I kind of liked it anyway. Just a little."

"Hm." The taller girl nodded what little she could with Ena laying against her. "Then we should do this more in the future."

More times in the future, huh… ? 

The thought worried and exhilarated Ena. She wanted to continue doing this, she knew that much. However, what she didn't know was whether or not she'd be willing to face the underlying problems that came with this arrangement. Chewing her tongue, Ena pulled her head back, her bangs messily cascading over her forehead as she smiled nervously at Mafuyu, the girl who made her feel so damn good the past few days, the girl who was the source of so many conflicting feelings. 

"Yeah, I think we should." Leaning in slowly, Ena let her hands graze Mafuyu's neck. Hesitantly, she paused with her lips hovering over the latter's, eyes closed in thought. 

Like a drug, is it worth another hit? 

Then, she kissed Mafuyu again.