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It began when Madoka crossed paths with a black cat. Madoka had been walking home from school, the sunset bathing the roads and the tall buildings in an orange-yellow light, and the second she saw the cat she knew something wasn’t right. The cat wobbled on her legs, she panted heavily, and saliva mixed with blood that dripped on the sidewalk.
The car cried pitifully as Madoka gathered her up in her arms. She paced, her mind aflame, she needed to take this cat to the veterinarian but she did not know how to get there. She took off in an aimless direction. The cat’s breathing was growing frantic, but slower.
It took a long time for her to find the veterinarian’s office. By then Madoka knew she was too late. In an instant after she stopped walking a creature appeared in front of Madoka. He called himself Kyubey, and he offered up whatever Madoka desired.
The body in Madoka’s arms was cooling. She grit her teeth, tears stinging in her eyes, and she wished to have time rewound in the palm of her hand. There was a great pain in her chest, and with it she found herself suspended in time. Her hands touched against each other and time unwound itself. Madoka was able to move freely in this suspended space.
In this state Madoka rewound time, and she found herself to when the cat was healthy. She grabbed for the cat before she could get hit by the car, and the cat did not try to squirm out of her grasp. Madoka carried the cat to a park and let her go, unable to care for the cat herself.
There could only be hope that the cat would go on living.
-
Madoka’s power came with a bow and arrow, what her heart desired for weapons. She learned of magical girls, of Witches, and in this world Mami was not felled by Charlotte. She learned of a Witch that would wreck havoc at the end of the month and so she felt that this gift was nothing less of a miracle.
Those smaller bursts of rewinding were indispensible. A shout could save Sayaka’s Soul Gem from getting shattered. A clasp of Madoka’s hands could give another chance to heal the rift between Mami and Kyoko. They could help land the killing blow on Witches, to save the people within their barriers from getting eaten up by familiars.
These rewinds were never frivolous. Not even when Madoka would have wanted to do so, to see the shy grinning look on Homura’s blushing face again. Or to relive the moment in which Homura took down a Witch without any problems and joy saturated the air. Never when they hesitated to grab each other’s hand and the moment to do so was lost, Madoka’s hands nearly clasped together and wishing.
In time those moments would be forgotten.
-
Sayaka was the first to succumb to becoming a Witch. It was Sayaka that drove Madoka to push her power to the limit, take any chance to save her. Only words from her best friend could make Sayaka pause, just enough to take away the darkness in her Soul Gem. They cried in each other’s arms.
It was what gave Madoka a terrible hope when a few weeks later Homura succumbed to the despair, and became a Witch.
They were standing on top of a parking structure, and Homura’s Soul Gem became engulfed by darkness. In this moment her expression spoke of one that believed she could never be happy. Behind her doll familiars were born from the shadows. They grinned maliciously, they neatly took off their shoes and jumped to be smashed against the concrete below.
Homura stepped backwards, her gaze to that distance, and when Madoka ran to grab her shoulders her head fell off. A Witch burst forth from her neck.
Madoka’s palms were against each other in an instant, and in the moment beforehand she desperately placed a Grief Seed against the dark Soul Gem. The Grief Seed was swallowed up by the darkness that did not decrease.
She had Homura’s hands in her own and begged. It only seemed to accelerate the despair.
In the next attempt Madoka spoke with tears staining her voice that one could only be aware of love by their imperfections, and that Homura was deserving of love, every drop. Homura held on for a little while longer before she stopped believing those words.
Madoka tried again, her mouth was dry, and she had nothing poetic to say. She gripped Homura’s hands as if that could hold her together. It ended as it had before, eventually.
Homura pushed Madoka to use her power to its absolute limit. Madoka’s nails pierced the skin of her knuckles as her hands seemed to meld together in the wake of time rewinding. When the world came to a stop and time marched on Madoka was disorientated.
Madoka caught herself quick enough to save the cat from getting hit by a car. She flinched at the blood that trickled down the back of her hands. She would take on this pain if it meant that she could make everything right.
And so began that her life began to repeat.
-
She would save the cat. She would save Sayaka. She could never save Homura. She could not save everyone but she would always try because she could not afford to look away.
She chased away despair with false smiles. At first only Madoka’s mama could figure out something was amiss and would look upon her with sad eyes, as if that could dismantle her. Madoka smiled away her concerns. Her papa would frequently make her warm, hearty meals for dinner, and she would eat as if it could fill up the hollowness in her chest. Tatsuya would cling to her.
Mami would give Madoka all sorts of soothing tea as if they could erase the bags under her eyes. Kyoko would give her little snacks that filled up her pockets, a sort of gift that pretended that it didn’t have a drop of sentimentality. Sayaka would become preoccupied with being cheerful enough for the both of them, forgetting Kyousuke. Homura would look at Madoka with sadness in her eyes and her heart would break again.
I’m doing this for you all. I’m doing this for you.
Over time Madoka felt her identity meld with the repeating days. She felt fate’s chain like shackles around her wrists. She felt more like a machine than a human, her heart like a stuttering, moving gear.
She was burdened by the knowledge that Witches were once girls like her. Revealing this to the others only accelerated despair. She could not save everyone. And still she commanded time to reverse.
-
It happened again and again and Madoka was barely holding herself together. She screamed as she held Homura’s lifeless body. It would stop ending like this. Time went backwards in a blur, the seconds decaying, something like a precarious thread felt as though it snapped and she did not stop by her will.
The cat was crying. Time had coalesced to exist all at once. Madoka’s soul was nestled in her chest. Kyubey was coaxing her to give her soul to him. She saw the fates of her family, of her friends, of Homura, all happening in a blur. In exchange for breaking time apart at the seams destruction rained down upon the city. An apocalyptical trumpet heralded the arrival of Walpurgisnacht, as Kyubey informed Madoka of the power that her soul held now, in a greater quantity than he had ever seen.
Madoka held the cat in her arms. She said a silent good-bye to everyone she ever knew. She steeled herself. Madoka wished to become the savior of magical girls.
The universe was rewritten once again, and time was sewn back into its proper place. A better world was born from the space where Madoka’s soul once was. Witches disintegrated, the girls held within bursting forth from them like butterflies from cocoons and their spirits were placed to eternal rest.
Madoka was a goddess with her power and she observed the Earth. She never existed, she existed at every point in time, she would never be remembered, she would be able to twist the threads as she liked. It rested in what she wanted. Salvation was brought to fallen magical girls. She would use her bottomless well of power for kindness.
The cat was by her side, healthy and whole as she decided. Only a cat could do as she pleased, to stay even with a goddess.
Madoka found that just for a fleeting moment, with her only just figuring out her power, that her presence was remembered on Earth. She gave her love to her family, her gratitude for everything they ever did for her. Her soft words encouraged her friends, it stayed by their hearts as they were given a better life. She promised to come back someday.
When Madoka’s love reached Homura she bridged what had been between them. Her hand tenderly brushed against Homura’s cheek. Homura smiled, warm and bright, as she saw Madoka for just a moment. It stayed with her when Madoka was gone.
But with Madoka’s determination, something that had clung to her throughout all of her tribulations, she would not have Homura wait for her for long.